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#analysis n headcanon
loadinghellsing · 4 months
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random anderson headcanon: he is extremely flexible.
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based/inspired by how Anderson bends inhumanly backwards to laugh after "killing" Alucard.
(andercard addition) . (old post)
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hotchnisslvr · 28 days
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“Power Struggle”
Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Reader
Rating: M
Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 7.2k
Summary: For months, you and SSA Aaron Hotchner have been toeing the boundary between romance and your careers. When the unsub that's been killing women in Michigan by way of replicating Zeus' punishments from Greek mythology takes you as his next victim, it's up to Hotch and the rest of the BAU team to find you before it's too late. Hurt/comfort and angst with happy ending.
Tags: graphic depictions of violence, reader kidnapped by unsub, blood, implied SA, nudity, electrocution, scarring, hospitals
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“You’re telling me someone is out here killing people to recreate, what? Greek legends?” Sheriff McCullen’s brow pinches as he shakes his head.
“Legends are stories often loosely based on a real person or event to teach us a lesson. Mythology is based on supernatural or sacred lore and explains why things came to be. It’s a common mistake.” Reid speaks quickly and methodically, as if reciting from a textbook. “It’s straight out of the mythos,” he explains, his voice tinged with something akin to excitement as he approaches the whiteboard where photos of the victims had been pinned up for review. Using a ballpoint pen as a pointer, he taps the first image of the first victim. “Regina Manford, she was found tied to a boulder in Craig Lake State Park with her liver removed. Animal predation showed birds had pecked at her while she was still alive. In Greek mythology, Zeus did this to Prometheus to exact revenge on him after he stole fire to give to man.”
Reid moves on to the next victim, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he did so. “Sarah Walters was found bound to an old water wheel that had been set on fire. Greek Mythology suggests this is a copy of Zeus’ punishment for Ixion.”
“And what did he do to deserve that?” asks the sheriff.
Reid’s lips form a tight line. “He was invited into Zeus’ home on Olympus. After attempting to seduce his wife, Hera, Zeus punished him by binding him to a wheel of fire cursed to spin forever toward the underworld. She might’ve smiled or even looked at him, and in his delusion believed she was a seductress deserving of punishment.”
“So, what? This guy sees himself as some sort of god?”
“We believe that is his delusion, yes,” answers Emily. “Each victim also bore signs of sexual trauma, this is something Zeus is also renowned for in the mythology. Our unsub thinks he’s infallible and that these women’s lives and deciding when and how these women live and die is his divine right.”
“Do we know if there will be more victims?” asks one of the detectives.
You step forward from your place between Morgan and Hotchner. “Given the number of victims Zeus punished within the mythology, we can assume he is not finished. These kills are two weeks apart. It’s been twelve days since the last body was found. We can only assume he’s currently hunting for his next victim. And when he finds one, he convinces her to go to a second location. It's once they leave the primary location that he attacks. In each case, the victim suffered a blow to the head, leaving a uniquely shaped gash in her forehead. This suggests that he strikes them with a distinct blunt object or even a ring that’s on his hand.”
“We need every man out on the streets,” Hotch states, his eyes hard as he scans the group of law enforcement gathered to receive the profile. “He stalks his victims in the city, often on the weekends when night life is busiest. He’s charming. He has no problem approaching women because he views himself as a deity and carries himself with the arrogance and confidence of one. He’s white, in his early to mid 30s, good looking, charming, and likely has a career that would’ve provided him with medical training.”
A female detective with short blonde hair sticks her pencil in the air. “How do we know that?”
“The incisions made on Regina’s body were clean, precise, and showed no signs of hesitation,” explains Rossi. “The M.E. also informed us that the hepatic artery was clamped off, meaning,” Rossi hesitates before continuing on, “meaning Regina Mansford was alive as her liver was being cut from her body.”
An uncomfortable murmuring breaks out. Hotch raises a hand, silencing them. Your mouth goes dry and you swallow, hoping your team doesn’t notice the way your eyes dilate when you look at him and the silent way in which he can command a room.
“This is why we need every available officer on the streets. Increase units in the downtown area. Have plain clothes officers on the streets. That’s where we’ll be. Thank you.” Hotch tucks his head and sweeps out of the bullpen, the rest of the team trailing after him into the conference room.
“Where do you want us?” asks Morgan as you shut the door to the conference room.
“Reid, I want you here working the geographical profile. See if there’s anything we missed that could bring us closer to a precise location where he’s kidnapping his victims. Rossi and JJ, I want you to go back to Sarah’s apartment and see if we missed anything that tells us where she was exactly on the night she was kidnapped. Derek and Emily take the north side of downtown.” He inclines his head toward you. “You and I will take the south side.”
His eyes linger on yours a moment longer than they ought to have. You dip your head and swiftly exit the room, jacket in hand as you prepare to brave not only the frigid Michigan cold but working one one-on-one with Hotch. This had been going on for months; subtle looks, brief touches where his fingers would slide over yours while passing off a case file…yet a part of you still wasn’t sure if it would ever go any further than that. You spend so much of your time with the team, it would be so easy to mistake one gesture for something that it wasn’t. Yet you knew that wasn’t true. You know behavior. You’re trained to recognize the subtlest of shifts in demeanor and body language and you know exactly what is going on.
You jump as someone pushes through the front door of the precinct. Emily’s gentle laugh disrupts your rumination. “Sorry,” she says, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She moves to stand closer to you as she zips her jacket. “The guys went to grab the cars.”
You nod and shove your hands in your pockets.
Emily arches a perfectly manicured brow. “What’s up?”
You school your expression and feign nonchalance. “Nothing, I just want to catch this guy before he hurts anyone else.”
Emily’s brow furrows and then straightens, a glimmer of knowing in her eye. “Something tells me there’s a different guy on your mind.”
Your heart skips a beat and you nearly choke on the crisp winter air. “What? I don’t—“ Your words falter as Derek and Hotch arrive, the SUVs humming to a gentle stop at the curb.
Emily eyes you, a sly smile curving one side of her red lips. “We’ll talk later.” She winks and steps forward to open the passenger side door, sliding inside and disappearing into the dark interior.
As you turn to move toward the SUV, Hotch is there, opening the door for you. The gesture surprises you, but it shouldn’t. He’d been doing little things like this for weeks now. You nod your head in thanks and as you turn your body to slide past him, his hand catches your hip. Your breath hitches in your throat as his fingers glide against the small of your back, guiding your movement into the vehicle.
His hard eyes meet yours as he shuts the door and you’re grateful for the shadows inside the car as you feel your face flush bright red. Hotch slides into the driver’s seat with ease. He shifts the car into gear and pulls onto the road, heading in the direction of downtown.
After a few minutes, you open your mouth to disrupt the silence, but his cell rings. Hotch answers and places it on speaker as JJ’s voice floats through the receiver, “Hotch, we think we’ve got something at Sarah Walters apartment.”
“What’s that?” you ask.
“There’s a sticky note in her trash can,” a garbled sound echoes through the speaker as she shifts the phone. The sound of paper crinkles as she reads, “Tony’s at 9, does that mean anything? Has Garcia come across a Tony in any of her research into the victims’ lives? Maybe an Anthony?”
An image of a neon sign flashes across your mind’s eye. “It’s a bar,” you say matter-of-factly.
“A bar?”
“I remember seeing the sign on our drive-in. It’s a bar on the south side of downtown. That could be where he’s meeting these women.”
“We’re only a few blocks away, we’ll head there now. Thank you, JJ.” He hangs up and slips the phone into his jacket pocket.
“How do you want to play this?” you ask.
“We go in, make observations, see if we can identify anyone that matches the profile.”
You smirk and a small laugh escapes your lips.
“Something funny?” Hotch asks, his voice low in his throat.
You purse your lips, pausing before you proceed. “If we go in looking like feds, we’ll scare this guy away.” You tilt your head, considering. “Well, one of us anyway.”
A slight twitch in his brow is the only indication your words have just barely gotten under his skin. “Touched a nerve, sir?”
As the traffic light ahead blinks red, he eases the car to a stop. He breathes out slowly, the amber glow of the stoplight reflecting in his eyes. In less than two heartbeats, he thrusts the car into park and with both hands clasps your face, drawing you in to kiss you with such fervor white spots dot your vision. It takes a moment to process the heat of his mouth on yours and the way his tongue slides between your lips, and before you can truly reciprocate the light turns green and he pulls back, his breathing ragged against your mouth as his forehead touches yours. “Be careful when and how you choose to call me sir.”
Before you can exhale, his eyes are on the road again and you’re driving deeper into downtown.
“Understood,” and then you add, almost imperceptibly, “sir.”
A small smile quirks at the corner of his lips, but he says nothing more as you approach your destination.
It's nearing 9:30pm when you pull up on the street parallel to Tony’s. People trickle in and out of the bar in groups of twos and threes; most are young, in their mid to late twenties.
“Right,” you say as you unbuckle your seatbelt and turn to exit the vehicle. “Stay here.”
“Excuse me?” Hotch asks, reaching over your lap and grabbing your wrist to stay your hand from popping the door open. Your breathing stills and he just barely turns his face toward yours. “Since when do you give me orders?”
Unsure where the confidence to challenge him comes from, you lean in near his ear. You swallow once before speaking. “I think you like taking them.” Feeling incredibly brazen, you nip at his ear once and as the unexpected gesture disarms him; flick your wrist out of his grasp and pop the door open. You slide out of the car and are immediately greeted by the frigid January air eliciting goosebumps up and down your arms. Extending an arm overhead to hang on to the frame of the SUV; you lean down into the cab of the vehicle. “I’ve got you right here,” you say as you tap the hidden earpiece. “Let me know if you see anyone from the outside that fits the profile.”
Hotch eyes you and there’s a fierceness in his gaze. You wonder if he’s thinking of how he’ll ultimately retaliate for your little role reversal now that he’s gone and upped the ante in this little game of cat and mouse. “See you soon,” you wink and slam the door shut.
As you approach the bar, you make sure your coat is buttoned in a way that hides your sidearm and credentials from sight. The bouncer doesn’t even pretend to ask for an ID as you approach and move through the front door with ease. As you cross through the threshold, your senses are assaulted by the smell of beer on tap, the sharp tang of liquor, grease, and an amalgamation of perfumes and colognes.
Immediately you begin scanning the room. You note the layout of the bar: three exits for patrons, the one you just came in through, one near the bathrooms for cigarette smokers, and an emergency exit on the far right wall near to the kitchen. There are three pool tables all of which are occupied as well as three dart boards along the far wall. Groups of friends engage one another and dates carry on without a hitch. You approach the bar, which is centered along the far wall. Stools line the high countertop and behind the bar, two women work to fulfill the never-ending drink orders. You approach the bar and slide into one of the empty seats, relaxing your shoulders as you do so, and order a rum and coke that you don’t plan on drinking.
After a moment the bartender drops a cocktail napkin in front of you and places the drink on top. You thank her and stir the contents of the drink with the swizzle stick popped inside.
“Is this seat taken?” an unfamiliar voice causes the hair on the back of your neck to prickle and you know immediately that it’s him.
Painting on a saccharine sweet smile, you turn toward the voice. A white man, standing at about 6’2”, is smiling down at you. The neon lights behind the bar reflect in his blue-gray eyes and his honey blonde hair falls in soft waves to his shoulders. “Please,” you say demurely and gesture toward the seat. You tell him your name and continue smiling.
“Ronan Carlson,” he introduces himself as he slides in beside you and adjusts the lapels on his leather jacket, a fake Rolex peeking out from his sleeve. He’s preening, you think to yourself. The bartender approaches from behind the bar and he smiles, the curve of his lips the opening act of his charming performance. “I’ll have what she’s having, thank you.” He pulls a roll of cash from the inner pocket of his jacket, flips through several bills, and pulls a $100 bill free before sliding it across the counter to her.
The bartender’s eyes widen in surprise and he winks at her. She nods her thanks and turns to make his drink.
“That was very kind of you,” I say, stirring my drink for the thirteenth time.
He shrugs and tips the baseball cap he’s wearing down over his eyes and you know it’s to obstruct the view the cameras have of him. “It’s only money, and I think I may have made her night.” He inclines his head toward the bartender whose head is bent close to the other woman’s. She’s smiling wide and shows her the $100 bill.
Internally, you roll your eyes hard, but externally you smile and look at him from beneath your lashes. “You must have a great job, what do you do for work?”
His hand flexes as he sets his drink down on the counter and you note the two chunky platinum rings he wears on his right hand. There are symbols etched into them offset by different colored stones, but you don’t want him to catch you staring as he answers, “I’m in business for myself these days,” he says with no further explanation. “Though I used to be in the military.”
You feign surprise, though you were hopeful he’d continue to divulge information. “The military, wow. Let me guess,” you pause and allow your eyes to slowly scan him from head to toe. You remember the profile. “Army…medic.”
“Reign it in,” you hear Hotchner’s voice through the earpiece. “Be mindful of how much you reveal to him. Don’t let him know you know more about him than he’s letting on.”
You watch him assess you and your read into him. One blonde brow creeps up toward his hairline and that wicked smile curves his lips again. “Excellent guess, how do you figure?”
Leaning on to your forearms, you push your drink aside and slide your hand over his and you don’t miss the way his fingers tense at your touch.
“It’s the hands,” you say coyly. “You look like you know how to handle yourself.” He relaxes under your touch and a heat ignites in his eyes that makes your stomach churn, but you don’t let it show on your face. “You look like you know how to handle a lot of things.”
He licks his lips and turns the ring on his finger. “Tell you what,” he says as he picks up his drink. He places the glass to his lips and downs its contents. “Why don’t we get out of here?” He looks down at you from beneath dark lashes. “And I’ll show you just how much I can handle.”
You stand up and flash him a grin. “Let me quickly freshen up and I’ll meet you out front.”
His lips quirk into a smirk, “I’ll meet you in the parking lot.”
You smile as you slip away toward the bathroom. As you push through the crowd you inform Hotch that the unsub is on his way out.
“There’s a line growing out the door,” he answers over the earpiece. “Does the description match the profile?”
“To a T,” you answer as you push past a couple with their tongues in each other's mouths. The amount of patrons has increased dramatically over the last hour. The volume of the music makes it hard to hear through the earpiece. You push your way into the restroom and are surprised to find it empty. Fortunately, the outside noise is muffled. You begin to describe Ronan’s appearance and note the jacket and hat he’s wearing. “He’s wearing two oddly shaped rings,” you add. “I think it’s what’s caused the unusual injury to the victims’ faces.”
“I’ve got him. He’s cutting through the line toward the parking lot.” You hear the car door open and slam.
“Got it, I’ll be right there.”
“Good work,” Hotch says over the open line.
You smile to yourself as you unbutton your jacket, glad to be on the receiving end of his praise. For a split second you wonder what else you could be on the receiving end of if you continue to play this game with him. After the case, you remind yourself. Priorities. Priority number one is getting this sick bastard off the street, and he’s right here within your grasp. You shoulder the door as you reach for your gun, positioning your thumb over the rotating hood to dislodge your weapon from its holster.
Over the speakers, an employee is calling to celebrate someone’s birthday. The crowd is distracted and pushing toward the source of celebration. The bar erupts into an off key rendition of Happy Birthday but you don’t hear it as 30,000 volts of electricity course through your veins. Your muscles spasm and lock up as you fall forward. Pain radiates from your abdomen in waves that crash over you again and again. You try to tell your body what to do as strong arms catch you and pull you into a chest that smells like cigarette smoke, but your limbs don’t cooperate. You feel his nose root into your hair as his lips find your ear. “How’s that for capable?”
As he shoulders your weight and steers you out through the emergency exit you hear Hotch’s voice in your ear. “It’s not him!” There’s an edge of panic in his voice as he says your name. “Do you copy? It’s not him. He gave another man $500 to wear his hat and jacket into the parking lot. It’s not him. Do you have eyes on him?”
Dark spots the edges of your vision as he drags your dead body weight. You try to focus all of your ability on getting out any words that can signal to Hotchner what’s happening, any at all but your mouth feels like it’s filled with cotton.”
You hear the tinkling of keys and a door slide open. Pain rattles through your skull as he throws you into the back of whatever vehicle he’s operating. Pain slices through your wrists as zip ties slice through the skin there. Through tunnel vision you see him leering at you. He’s backlit by the streetlights.
As his fist flies toward you, you finally manage one word.
“Aaron.”
When you come to, the first thing you feel before the splitting pain in your head threatens to cleave your mind in two, is cold.
Your mouth is dry, but as you move to lick your lips you realize you can’t because there’s a gag in your mouth. You try to move your hands, but they’re bound too. Zip ties cut into each wrist, securing them at your sides on the legs of a wooden chair. When you try to shift the chair, you learn that it’s bolted to the floor and your legs are spread open; zip ties at your knees and ankles keep them apart. Except for your bra and underwear, you’re naked. He undressed you. You feel the wound from the stun gun before you glance down at your stomach and see the two bloody pinpricks in your abdomen. You feel your heart rate increase as panic begins to set in. Do not panic , you tell yourself as you take a steadying breath. The minute you start to panic, you’re dead. You close your eyes and piece together the last dredges of your memory.
Tony’s. Sitting at the bar. The unsub. Ronan. Hotch was in pursuit. And then there was just pain.
Hotch.
The pain in your skull is overwhelming and you’re not sure if you can feel the earpiece anymore.
“Hotch,” you attempt to say through the gag. “Hotch, do you read me?”
You close your eyes as hot tears brim along your lash line when there’s no response. The signal is out of range or the unsub found the earpiece and removed it.
A door creaks open on squeaky hinges and your eyes dart toward the source of the sound. Ronan walks through the door with a sick smile on his face. As he saunters toward you, he rolls the sleeves of his flannel up to his elbows. Without looking away from you, his arm drops to his side and he scoops a folding metal chair with one hand, carrying it with him as he edges closer to you.
You flinch as he cracks the chair down in front of you, forcing it open. He chuckles as he takes a seat. His eyes skirt the length of your body and you wish any limb were free to deliver a blow to his smug face.
He reaches into his back pocket and withdraws your badge. He flips it open and holds it up to your face, the way his eyes flit between you and your credentials makes your lip curl.
“An FBI agent,” he says slowly. He slaps your credentials shut against his denim-clad thighs. “Hot damn!” he shouts and whoops. He throws your badge to the wayside and it clatters against the cement floor. “I’m going to take my time with you.”
It could’ve been hours. It could’ve been minutes. The torture is unrelenting and the pain is unending. Your chest heaves as you brace yourself for the next surge of electricity. Ronan, if that’s even his real name, twists the knob on the amplifier and taps the jumper cable clamps in his hands together. He smiles when he hears the buzz of electricity between them. As he presses them into your thighs, you cry out in pain as the shockwaves paralyze your body and mind and the pain overwhelms you.
“YES!” he roars as he pulls them away from you. He’d taken his flannel off, but now he peels off his t-shirt, balls it up, and uses it to wipe the sweat off of his face.
With the voltage no longer coursing through your veins, you slump forward, chest heaving as your scrambled brain fights to stay alert.
He drops the cables and clasps your face in his hand, forcing your chin up to meet his wild eyes. “You just don’t quit, do you? You're special.” He strokes your cheeks with his thumbs as if he cherishes what he’s doing to you. “You are worthy of a god.”
When you come to Ronan is watching you. He’s leaning forward, elbows on his knees, chin resting on his clasped hands.
“She wakes,” he muses.
You glare at him and his brow pinches. He purses his lips together like he’s been stung, but his eyes are alight with amusement.
“You,” he says, gesturing up and down your body, “look beautiful.”
You don’t need to look down to know the number of bloodied burn wounds spanning the lengths of your legs. If you couldn’t keep track of any other thought, the count was all that kept you grounded. There were ten. Five on each leg. Your wrists and ankles bled from the way you’d pulled against them with every shock he delivered.
He reaches forward and this time you don’t flinch. He hooks two fingers into the gag and pulls it down over your chin, his fingers trailing your lips as he does so.
“Here,” he says, bringing a bottle of water to your lips. “Drink.”
You clamp your lips shut and turn your face away. He laughs and shakes his head. “Come on now, don’t refuse me. That’s not how you show gratitude when a god shows you mercy.”
You muster as much hatred into your stare as you focus your attention back on him. “Mercy?” you hiss, and your voice is hoarse from screaming against the gag. It hurts to speak. You pull against your restraints. “This is what you call mercy?”
“I’m only testing you to see if you’re worthy,” he says by way of explanation. "You've lasted longer than the others."
“Worthy of what?” you ask, but you already know the answer.
“To be my Hera.”
“How is what you’re doing to me, what you did to those other women, going to help you find her?”
“They weren’t worthy,” he answered. “They couldn’t take my power like you could, my lightning. They were false. They needed to be punished.”
He leans in, his lips close enough to yours that you can feel his smoky breath on your skin. “But you, you deserve to be rewarded.” Your skin bristles at his words. His lips find your jawline and you grimace as he drags them up the side of your face. When he pulls away, dried blood flakes onto his skin.
“Don’t be afraid,” he soothes as he smoothes your sweat-drenched hair away from your face. “You’ll enjoy it.”
Unable to suffer any more of his poisonous bullshit, you rear your head back and slam it forward. Pain explodes behind your forehead, but it’s worth it to hear the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking. He roars in pain and clutches his bleeding nose. White light blinds you as he backhands you and curses your name. His ring splits the skin of your cheek open. The force of the blow causes you to bite your lip and you feel your teeth cut into the chapped skin there. You spit blood at him, angering him further.
“You are false!” he screams, spittle flying from his mouth as he shoves the gag back into your mouth. “You are not her!” He moves to pick up the jumper cables, twisting the knob of the amplifier all the way up causing the bulbs overhead to flicker. You know this is it. If he touches you with those, it will kill you.
Bracing yourself for the killing blow, you go to the grave knowing you did not give in to this bastard.
It never lands.
Instead, three shots ring out and he’s falling to the floor dead at your feet. As the unsub’s body falls, Hotchner’s frame comes into view and a choked sob escapes your lips. He holsters his weapon and runs to you. Emily and Morgan are right behind him. Morgan passes Hotch a Swiss Army knife from his pocket and he makes quick work of the zip ties binding you to the chair. From the corner of your eye, you see Emily turn off the amplifier and check Ronan’s pulse.
Unable to hold yourself up, you fall forward into his ready arms, letting yours fall over his shoulders. Hotch drops to his knee to support your weight. “You’re okay,” he says as he pulls the gag free from your mouth and you sob into his chest. He smooths your hair back from your face, his eyes assessing the damage done to you. Blood stains his shirt, your blood.
“Morgan, your jacket.” Hotch orders.
Without hesitation, Morgan unfastens his bulletproof vest and unzips his jacket. He passes it to Hotch who drapes it around your shoulders in an attempt to preserve some of your modesty.
“I need a medic!” he shouts before directing his attention back to you.
Your eyes waver as you try to keep them open. You lock in on the depths of his warm brown eyes. “You’re going to be fine,” he says but his voice sounds far away.
“He wanted someone to be his Hera,” you say weakly.
“Don’t worry about that right now,” Hotch soothes.
You swallow and it hurts your throat to do so. Your lips crack open, “You found me.”
Hotch cradles your head against his chest. “Of course I did.”
You wince as the sound of a gurney crashes into the room, the metal wheels squealing as it draws near. Your head swims as you’re swept into the air and laid out on its cushiony bed. A light shines in your eyes and voices are overlapping. Blindly, you use what strength you have left to drop your hand off the side. Unable to focus your attention on where he is, you know he’ll hear you. “Don’t leave me.”
And as you lose consciousness, you feel his hand slip into yours.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
A steady beeping fills your ears as you slowly come to. Your eyes feel bruised and you don’t think you have it in you to open them, but you feel something around your wrists and bolt upright. Pain crashes over you in a wave. It was a dream. You’re still bound in that basement. The beeping increases, growing louder and faster. Someone says your name and you feel hands on your shoulders. You try to swing your fist and are surprised when your arm follows through and makes contact with flesh. Did you break through the zip ties? You hear your name again, clearer this time. A man. He’s asking you to stop, to relax.
“It’s me,” he repeats and says your name again. “You’re safe. You’re in the hospital.” He says your name again. “It’s me, it’s Aaron.”
You stop fighting and blink hard. Hotchner’s stern face comes into view, except there’s concern wavering in the depths of his brown eyes. His brow softens as you relax. A small smile turns the corners of his lips. “Hey there,” he says. A nurse rushes into the room and he raises a hand, “We’re fine, here. Thank you.”
The nurse looks at you and you nod. She looks unsure about leaving but ultimately relents. “I’ll let the doctor know you’re awake.”
Aaron cups the back of your head in one of his hands and gently begins to lower you back down onto the pillows behind you. You allow him to guide you and feel the tension ease from your muscles as your back sinks into the surprisingly plush hospital pillow.
As the adrenaline wears off, you’re finally able to take stock of your injuries as the pain quickly makes itself known. You feel your pulse beating in your skull, pounding at your temples, eyebrow, and cheekbone. With shaky fingers, you touch the places where you remember the unsub striking you. You feel a thick bandage taped over your right eyebrow and steri-strips over your cheek. Your lip is swollen from where you bit it.
Bandages encircle your wrists and there’s an IV stuck in your hand. You’ve been dressed in a hospital gown and the sheets are drawn up to your waist covering the burn wounds. You don't have to see them to know how bad they look. The pain is telling enough.
“Is he dead?” you ask, lowering your hand back down to the bed.
Hotch’s lips form a tight line. “Yes.”
You blink back tears as that information sinks in. “Good,” you whisper in a choked voice. You blink and allow your head to loll to the side. A colorful bouquet of roses and carnations dotted with plastic ladybugs and butterflies sits in a clear vase on the side table.
You smile, “Garcia?”
Hotch smiles in turn. “It was tough to convince her to go home and get some sleep, but I promised her I wouldn’t leave you alone. Even then, it was still a hard-fought battle.”
You chuckle and wince as the movement irritates your injuries.
Hotch telegraphs his next move, and you know it’s to avoid startling you. He cups his hand over your uninjured cheek and strokes the skin there with his thumb.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there,” he says, and his voice sounds tired and pained. “I should’ve gone inside with you.”
“Hotch, don’t.” You reach up and wrap your fingers around his wrist. “Don’t do that to yourself. He didn’t know I was with the FBI until after he took me. If you’d been there, he might’ve pegged us as law enforcement and taken off. He might still be out there and we’d be finding another dead woman in a matter of days. You know I’m right.”
Hotch closes his eyes and heaves a heavy sigh. “I could hear you.”
“What?” you whisper. You try to sit up and wince as the movement stings the wounds in your legs and abdomen. Hotch stands and helps adjust the pillows behind your back before sitting back down in the chair at your bedside.
“Not for very long. He drove out of range, but I heard him speaking to you. I heard the blows land. I heard your head smack against the floor when he threw you in the van.” He stops and shakes his head. “I felt so helpless. I was afraid. I couldn’t get to you, just like,” his voice catches in his throat. “just like I couldn’t get to Haley.”
Your heart breaks for him as he speaks. You reach for his hand and take it, squeezing it. “Aaron, you did get to me. You saved my life.”
He clears his throat and swallows. “Yes, but we were almost too late.”
“But you weren’t,” you state, your tone firm. “Aaron, look at me.”
He hesitates and inhales deeply before lifting his gaze to yours. The corners of his eyes soften as he meets yours and you smile. You gently tug his hand, “Come here.”
Hotch glances toward the door and then back at you, “The doctor—“
“Isn’t going to do shit,” you finish. “I’m the one that endured hours of torture. Pretty sure I’m allowed some close comfort.”
He lets out a shallow laugh. “Yes, I suppose you’re right.” Standing, he shrugs out of his suit jacket and drapes it over the back of the chair. With one hand he loosens his tie until he’s able to pull it up and over his head. He tosses it onto the chair and circumnavigates the bed, assessing the best way to join you on the small mattress.
You groan as you slide over. Hotch reaches out to stop you but you silence him with a pointed look. “Mind the IV,” you say as you pat the space beside you.
Hotch acquiesces, using the tips of his fingers to raise the IV drip enough for him to slide into bed beside you. He slips an arm around you and drops the feed. It falls across his torso. The feel of his arm around you is comforting, like a security blanket, like safety. You relax into him, and rest your head on his chest. His lips brush against your bandaged brow.
“Not quite how I imagined we’d first be sharing a bed,” you joke softly as you nuzzle in deeper against the wide plane of his chest.
You feel him smile against your hair. “Only you could joke at a time like this.”
“If I can’t laugh at what’s happened, I’ll never be able to close my eyes at night.”
“Well, if that’s the case.” He rubs the bare skin of your arm in small circles. “I’ll be there until you can.”
You turn your head to look at him then, your heart full. This is happening. His eyes are on yours and you push yourself toward him ever so slightly. He closes the small gap between you and presses his lips to yours. It wasn’t hungry and primal like the kiss in the car. There would be plenty of time for that later. This kiss was light, tender…healing.
“Sir, I’m sorry. I tried to go home, I really did but as soon as I got there I—” Garcia’s voice abruptly cuts off. You look up and her initial look of surprise turns to one of abject joy.
You feel your cheeks flush as Emily and Morgan appear in the doorway behind her. Morgan’s eyes widen and Emily’s brow arches as a smile curves her lips.
“I, uh, brought backup.” Penelope giggles. She remembers she’s holding something. “And cookies! I couldn’t sleep, so I baked. I figured I could bribe you into going home and getting some sleep.” Her words leave her mouth at a mile a minute. “I thought you’d fight me on it, so I brought some muscle.” She gestures with a tilt of her head. “They’re the muscle.”
Morgan exhales and points a finger at you and Hotch. “Can someone explain to me what’s going on here?”
Emily elbows him and he drops his arm. She takes the tray from Garcia and walks it over to the side table where she places it next to the flowers. She winks at you as she turns back to Garcia and Morgan. “It’s about time,” she says.
Penelope laughs as she hooks her arm in Emily’s. “What's it been? Two, three months?”
Morgan guffaws. “Months?”
Penelope pats his face with a ring-adorned hand. “My sweet oblivious profiler. Come on, hot stuff.” She takes him by the hand and leads him from the room. Emily shakes her head and laughs. “Men.”
“Safe to say the team knows.”
Hotch releases a breathy laugh and kisses your forehead again. “I know what will be the first thing on the agenda at tomorrow’s debriefing.”
6 weeks. It had been 6 weeks since you’d pressed the elevator button that would bring you back to the office. The weight of your gun feels right where it sits upon your hip, your gait more familiar to you now than when it wasn’t holstered to your side. You nervously adjust the grip on your go bag. You’d packed and repacked it the night before.
This morning as you were getting out of the shower, you stared at yourself in the mirror. Your cheek had healed nicely though the skin on your brow that had been split by the unsub’s ring had scarred, severing the tail end of your eyebrow from the rest of it. The ligature marks around your wrists and ankles had healed and the skin was smooth once more. The stun gun had scarred your abdomen, but all that remained were two purple pinpricks of scar tissue no bigger than the size of an infant’s thumbnail.
Your legs are a different story. The front of your thighs are an array of mottled scar tissue. One burn had gone so deep that they’d needed to graft skin from your calf to salvage it. The wounds no longer hurt physically, but you’d woken up from nightmares on more than one occasion.
You were never alone though. Garcia worked remotely on secure laptops with VPNs as often as she was able. Rossi brought you home-cooked Italian at least twice a week and talked with you over numerous glasses of red wine. Reid brought black-and-white foreign existentialist films that you didn’t understand, but his enthusiasm as he watched made you happy all the same. Emily and Morgan brought coffee and donuts as often as they could and Hotch…if he wasn’t at the office or visiting Jack, he was with you. On several occasions, he brought Jack. Jack would sit on the bed beside you, playing with his toys, narrating the adventures of his action figures as Aaron stood in the doorway, smiling. At night, when you had woken in a cold sweat, Aaron was there with a washcloth to wipe it away. When the bandages had stuck to your burn wounds and it felt like your skin was being peeled apart, he got your pain medicine and helped change the dressings, holding you until the pain had passed.
You blink as the elevator dings, signaling you’ve reached your destination. You take a deep breath and smooth down the front of your blouse as the door opens wide. Everything looks the same, yet everything feels like it's changed as you approach the desk you occupy perpendicular to Emily’s. A smile crosses your lips as you see the Welcome Bac k card on your desk. Two vases of flowers sit behind the card. One is almost exactly like the one from the hospital so you know it’s from Garcia. The other, a bouquet of purple tulips, has a note attached to it. You open the note and read it.
Glad to have you back. Things haven’t been the same around here without you. -AH
Hotch. You should’ve known. You smile and tuck the note into your purse.
“Hey, hey, look who’s finally decided to get her ass back to work.” Morgan’s charming laugh is followed by Emily chastising him.
“Ignore him,” she says as she places a steaming mug of coffee on your desk.
“You’re a godsend,” you say by way of thanks and take a long drink. Two sugars, no milk, just the way you like. “Wow, Emily, that’s perfect. I needed this.”
“How come you don’t remember how I take my coffee?” Morgan asks pointedly.
She shrugs, “Chicks before dicks, Derek.”
You sputter and choke on your coffee.
“Look,” he says as he pats you on the back. “Her first day back and you’re gonna kill her.”
At that moment JJ passes by with a file in hand. She raises it in the air and gestures to the conference room. “We got a case.” She smiles at you warmly. “It’s good to have you back.”
Together, you, Morgan, and Emily enter the conference room where Reid, Hotch, and Rossi have already gathered. Once you’re all sat, JJ begins presenting the case. You review current victims and why the Sacramento Police Department has invited you onto the case
“Sacramento PD is expecting us this afternoon. We’ve got a long flight ahead of us. Wheels up in thirty, understood?”
A chorus of ‘yes sirs’ echo throughout the room. As the team gathers their belongings and moves to leave, you wait for Hotch to catch your eye. You wink at him before mouthing, “Yes, sir.”
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Hobie Brown & Non-Conventional Relationships
How to Write Hobie in Non-Conventional Relationships - & How I incorporate it into my own writing
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{Non-Conventional Relationship Abbreviated as NCR}
This is Part 2 - Check out Part 1 here if you want! Hobie Brown is unconventional is every way - and he likes it that way. From his music to his views, Hobie is always ready to challenge the norm - choosing to look for healthier, kinder, and freer alternatives.
And that extends to his romantic relationships too.
I talked HERE about Non-Conventional Relationships, the lack of them in fics, what they could look like for Hobie, and how they're a reflection of his values - including his feminism.
In that one, I wanted to talk about why Hobie needs Non-Conventional Relationships, and I analyzed why NCRs are so scarce within the Hobie fandom (hint: it's sexism). I also spoke about how I purposely designed my Spidersona - DiscoSpider Diane - with subversion of a sexist trope in mind, and how we as a fandom can write healthier 'Y/N's.
But I also wanted to talk about - and give clear examples of how a NCR might work for Hobie, and how to write it in fanfiction.
This is a Writer's Guide to writing Hobie Brown in NCRs, and writing 'Y/N's that challenge the norm. As well as how I apply these tips directly in my own writing with Hobie.
[I offer tips and writing advice as well as the ways I use these tips in my writing. I touch on alternative forms of affection, intimacy, polyamory, independence, and labels] Heads Up!! This post is LONG and Detailed. At the end, I have a full deep dive and analysis of my Spidersona DiscoSpider Diane, Hobie, and their NCR - feel free to pass on that if you want or check it out if you're curious or want an example :)
I hope someone out there finds this helpful or at the very least, entertaining! With that said,
Let's Begin~~~~~~~~
Hobie Brown & Affection:
Showing and valuing alternative forms of affection can be a great foundation for Non-Conventional Relationships. There's a wide array of ways to express affection in a relationship - ranging from full on playfulness and messing with each other - to being romantic but only in private. And anywhere in between. In order to challenge stereotypical romance, here's where we can start.
First things first: Cut the generic pet names One of the most common things across all Hobie fics, are generic pet-names. It's hard to find a fic without one 'luv', 'darlin', or 'sweetheart'. And it makes sense, it romantic - and a classic way to show affection. But it can be easy to use these terms as a crutch to infuse romance into dialogue. A good way to diverge from this convention is by dropping the generic pet-names all together. By abandoning words like 'luv' and 'darlin' we're forcing ourselves to find more personal terms for him to call his partner. Hobie calls Gwen and Miles personalized pet-names, and this can extend to his partner too. These names can be personal - When writing OCs, you can use things like inside jokes, a shortened version of their name, or some form of rhyming slang. Having something happen within the story that Hobie pulls a nickname from is also a great idea, or having him call them by a defining trait or something tongue in cheek. [Like if your character is known for being a bit gloomy, have him call them sunshine. If they sing, he can call them songbird, etc.] When writing xReaders, you can subvert typically 'negative' terms into loving and playful names. For example, if the !Reader is portrayed as shy, he may loving call her Mouse Whisper. If they're hotheaded, he may just call them 'hot-head'. But by having personalized pet-names, the reader is shown that Hobie and them have history and past connections that Hobie finds meaningful.
Annoyance can be affection too I talked about this HERE We all love attention from our partners - some just seek it out in different ways. Annoying ways. And I can see Hobie being one to do this - Adorable, but annoying ways. Playfulness is a great way to substitute romance in NCR. We all know those relationships where they love messing with each other or pissing each other off. Having inside jokes about each other, or teasing in a way only the other person is allowed to. It's never mean, but in a way, a form of intimacy. And when romances are written like this, it shows that the two know each other well, down to the smallest things that make them tick. They know each other well, and have a clear soft spot for each other when one starts bugging the other and the other doesn't snap (lol). When writing, you can give them small pet peeves that Hobie may do to irk them. When writing OCs, Hobie can give them nicknames that irk them. Or point out things that annoy them. Maybe he likes a food they hate, and eats it in front of them all the time. It's all in good fun, and shows the two aren't shy around each other. You can also have them bring up embarrassing stories of each other, to show they're close and spend a lot of time together. When writing xReaders, you can have him popping up at the worst times, hanging off of the reader, and overall trying to distract them from what they're doing. He could also play light pranks to mess with the reader - and vice versa - always making sure to end it with a hug and a laugh. At the end of the day, it's all about getting their partners attention and playing around with them. And talking about that -
Touch as a Love Language: Don't be afraid of playfighting Some IRL couples playfight. And it can be adorable. If the pestering goes to far, then the reader finally has to give him all their attention - and they can playfight him. Which is what he wants, their attention. This is something that can be done with both OCs and xReaders - and if they're a Spider-person EVEN BETTER. Don't be afraid to have Hobie pick the reader up, having the reader jump on his back, or punch his arm lightly. Having them wrestle for something, and it can turn into cuddling. The character can jump on his back playfighting, and doom - Hobie's running and it's a sudden piggyback ride.
While on the topic of Love Languages: Laughter as a Love Language Laughter can be a HUGE love language. In addition to annoying their partner, some people aim to making their partner laugh whenever they can. Whether this be making jokes, or doing things they think are hilarious. Not only is is super playful - but it shows that they're close and know each other well. They know what they other think is funny, what's sure to get a laugh, and most importantly, when their partner needs it the most. It shows that they care about their partner's happiness, and they want to bait it out them every way they can - even if that means making themselves look silly from time to time again. This is one of my favorite tools when writing NCRs and it works for both OCs and xReader.
If really want to challenge yourself and show a new form of romance: Abandon 'I love you.' Ever heard of Han Solo and Princess Leia? The whole "I love you." - "I know." trope? Saying 'I love you' is of course one of the easiest ways to show love - but when we abandon it, we can find cuter and more personal things to replace it. In doing this we begin to show a NCR relationship that openly challenges romance. By doing away with 'I love you's in favor something personal, we're showing that their feelings go beyond 'love' into something more personal and intimate to them. They can still be madly in love and not say it - it can be completely unspoken cause they both know. And so, they don't take it too seriously. When writing OCs, you can replace the phrase completely, substituting it with a repeated phrase on both sides. "I hate you" also works as a playful subversion. When writing xReaders, you can have the other side not respond the usual way - "I love you." - "Uh-huh." Or you can have them not say it at all. And have it completely but clearly emotionally implied.
Hobie Brown & PDA:
Hobie is a natural touchy guy. He likes standing close to people, leaning over them and putting his hands on their shoulders. So by having him display limited romantic PDA with his partner, and treating them no different than anyone else, you're challenging the norm and forcing yourself to write other ways.
Prioritize Privacy Hobie is often (or rather only) characterized as a very open person with his relationship, openly kissing, making out, and touching his partner. And this is very typical of a romantic relationship. If you'd like to write a NCR you can try to challenge this. Hobie is from a police state, a world where surveillance is prevalent and freedom is limited. Plus he's a rockstar - people get nosey. And don't even get me start on The Society snooping. You can reflect this by having him prioritize privacy - either out of survival instinct, or just personal preference. Hobie keeping his relationship a secret, or simply not mentioning it, allows a freedom not often see in traditional relationships. By doing this, the relationship can develop naturally without typical pressures or outside influence - whether dangerous or Society wise. The two are allowed to take it as slow - or as fast as they want, without worrying about anyone else getting in the way. And with Hobie being a guy who likes to share often, him keeping one small thing to himself can be special. This can be used for both OCs and xReaders.
Keep Kisses in Private Stealing kisses can be extremely cute, and saving them for private can make them 10x more intimate. Plus this is another one that can be used by both OCs and xReaders. By saving kisses for private moments, those rare instances automatically become more intimate. And by having them restrain themselves, when they do finally get to be alone it can feel romantic (not just sexual). By having them save their kisses for only them, they become more special to Hobie and his partner. They may choose to not kiss at all in public and leave it at that or try to steal kisses when they can - or even substitute a different form of intimacy in place of kisses. Ever see that couple that one of them will walk by the other, and one person will put their hand in the other's for a moment as they pass by before letting go? Like that. Cheek kisses can also be a good substitute for public. Plus in the rare times they do kiss in front of someone, you can save it for super emotional or heated moments (or moments like parties, bars, etc - those are always fun. The gang finding out the two of you have been dating a year after you both get drunk at a party and make-out? Love it.)
Or you can take it over the top - and make it openly committed and intimate, but label-less. Having a partner he kisses, hugs and lives with but does not refer to as his girlfriend also challenges norms of possessiveness - bonus points if they're poly (which I'll touch on in a second). By having him clearly involved with someone, and seriously committed but having it between them can be a NCR. The character doesn't have to be his girlfriend or boyfriend. That can simply be 'his person' or 'the one'. Or he's 'seeing somebody' - or 'with them'. He's not outright saying they're dating, but yeah - they're solidly involved. They may have a kid together, sleep in the same bed, or say 'I love you', but by both parties rejecting labels, they're openly denying people an inside look to their relationship. Are they together? What's that got to do with you?
Or have them be 'life partners' aka - marriage without marriage. This one may be easier to develop for OCs, but can be done for xReaders too. Have them openly express interest in being each other's life long partners. Have them speak as if they're married, even if they aren't. By verbalizing this connection, they don't need rings or a wedding certificate to speak to them, because they openly say it as a form of PDA. Having them believe in soulmates, or 'other halfs' takes the 'caring boyfriend' trope and pushes it into something far more intimate and personal. This could include things like matching tattoos, sharing a home together, wearing things of each other's in place of a ring, etc.
Hobie, Labels, and Polymory (Open Relationships)
Every single fic I've seen of Hobie assumes both parties are monogamous. Let's challenge that.
Do away with the idea of Hobie and jealousy It's unrealistic for his character. Hobie is openly supportive, non-possessive, and EXTREMELY confident. Jealousy is an attribute that feeds off of insecurity first, and sexist tropes of possession second - the idea of having no one touch 'your' partner. Any partner Hobie has isn't his - no one belongs to any one. They can be with whoever and do whatever they want when he's not there. So long as he sees his a priority in your life, he'll be there. Let's just hope the OTHER guy is okay with that (and not extremely intimidated by how perfect Hobie is). This applies to both OCs and xReaders.
Open the relationship - and keep it honest The priority when writing this is honesty - because Hobie values it A LOT. And I cannot stress this more. If his partner is honest with him, and genuinely makes an effort to make him a priority, then Hobie is happy. Hobie himself may not choose to have multiple partners, but by having option on the table and having his partner exercise that shows a huge degree of maturity, communication, and freedom. By having a partner who can openly pursue romance outside of Hobie, but still chooses Hobie as their primary partner, their relationship becomes a lot freer, but still just as close - if not stronger. Sure they've got options, and sometimes they may have flings, but at the end of the day, there's no one they connect more with than each other. Better with OCs, but can be done with xReaders.
Let his partner have the last say Hobie can't be a player if he's not the one calling the shots. Have a xReader or OC that is openly outspoken about what they want and the label they're interested in. (even if thats 'unlabeled) Have the reader be the one who doesn't want to make it official, or on the inverse, have them insist that either they make it official or else they'll stop seeing them. And have them stand their ground. Do not have them budge or waiver or second-guess. Have them leave the ball in Hobie's court - and sort it out for himself. By doing this you're giving them a sense of agency and independence outside of him, and inverts the sexist expectation that men be the ones who define the relationship.
In the words of Coi Leray "Cause Girls is Players too." Kick slut-shaming in the teeth. Where are all the city girls? Directly challenge sexist tropes that are prevalent in the Hobie fandom, by writing a female character who is openly and sexually liberated, knows her worth, and knows how to handle her feelings. Have her be the one seeing multiple people, have him be the one to pass the guy on the way out. Its not more shameful when the character does it. If you want to make Hobie a player who can run game - acknowledge that some girls run game too. And many girls can call that shit from a mile away. Having a character who has multiple partners, but slowly finds themself falling for Hobie in specific is an interesting dymanic. It forces you to show a woman's sexuality in a different and positive light, one not connected to her lust for a specific man. And it forces you to challenge the idea of 'fast girls' or 'groupies'. Ever seen 'She's Gotta Have It' by Spike Lee? That. And you can have her other partners acting as a contrast to Hobie. If she starts realling her other partner really ain't shit - Hobie starts looking a lot better. And let me just say - this doesn't have to cause drama. Having Hobie and the character both be polyamorous, only to connect with each other and laugh about their other escapades can be CUTE. And neither are threatened, because they know it's all in good fun, and they know they've got their partner on lock.
Find alternative labels Take 'boyfriend and girlfriend' off the table and get creative. They can be life partners, or Best Friends with Benefits (who are genuinely friends, stay that way and are not just thinly vieled romantic tension), or the xReader/OC can simply 'his girl' or 'his guy'. By doing this, you're able to put a label on it, without taking it serious at all. It signals that there is something there and they know it, and they don't need normal terms to define it. Good for both OCs and xReaders.
Hobie & Gender Roles
Chivalry is dead. Romance your boyfriend to death.
I spoke in the last post of about Hobie's feminism and his understanding of the patriarchy and the way it works. And I think Hobie would work to openly defy gender roles in his relationship. Here's are some tips to do that.
Have the xReader or OC initiate the romance Have them confidently ask him out. Have your OC or xReader be the one to approach him at a party and hit on him. Just by doing so, you're putting your characters in a situation that subverts gender roles - where the many is typically the one to approach his mate. It shows confidence on the part of the xReader/OC and let's them step outside the traditional trope of a passive feminine partner.
Have them initiate touch/affection as well Have them touch him first, or wrap their arms around him. Have them kiss his neck (if they can reach lol). Instead of having a shy and quiet xReader who only accepts compliments from Hobie - have them openly and boldly compliment him. A girl who openly loves her partner/boyfriend and yeah- she's gonna talk about him cause she can. Have them call him pet-names first. And show Hobie enjoying it or feeling comforted by it. In doing so, you're allowing him to show a softer side that is also absent in a lot of fics. Plus you're breaking the trope of once again, the partner just passive accepting Hobie's affection without active reciprocation.
Actively show Hobie being comforted and taken care of - not just when he's in crisis Have the character ask if he's okay - in the way a couple will look at each other and be like "You good?" even when nothings going on. Have the character be the one to ask if he's eaten. Don't only do this when he's about to emotionally crack, or when he's physically beat up. Do it on the daily. Men shouldn't have to break before their emotional needs are addressed. So often in fics Hobie is seen as the perfect protector who never gets tired - and then there's no mention of him ever taking care of himself in any way. That's now how this works. Hobie is community based. That means he looks after the people he care about. If the character cares about him, they have them go out of their way to show it - the same way he does. The xReader/OCs can hold him while he's crying or make him go to sleep when he's up all night. They can hear him out when he's annoyed with Miguel, and help him when he's feeling not 100% too. SO many fics are about the reader NEEDing Hobie for some often asinine reason. Sometimes Hobie needs his partner too.
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HI HI! If you've read this far, thank you so much! I really appreciate it and would love to hear your thoughts! The next part is centered around my spidersona Disco-Spider Diane, her relationship with Hobie, and how I incorporate all this into their dynamic. This part is LONG and detailed (I'm unhinged) so I don't blame you if you wanna peace out now! If you do peace out, thanks again! - here's a photo of Hobie for the road!
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_______________________________________________________ Now let's talk about Lil Miss Disco and her Boo Thang
DiscoSpider Diane and Hobie -
How I write a Non-Conventional Relationship For more info you can check out Diane's Character Sheet here and her tag here
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I spoke briefly in my last post about Hobie, feminism, and how subverting sexist tropes contributed to her characterization - so this time I just want to give an overview of how that translates to a NCR - and how that can be shown clearly in writing.
Hopefully this will give some ideas or at the very least, I can ramble about Diane lol Diane & Hobie - A Basic Overview
[You can check out Diane's Character Sheet here!][And check out her tag for more art & writing here!]
I don't have a word for what Diane and Hobie are supposed to be, and that's intentional.
They aren't dating. Because they don't go on traditional dates - they just hang a lot. They're not boyfriend and girlfriend because that's rigid in it's confines. Even partners can be a bit of a stretch. I wanted to write them instead as two people who care about each other and make an effort to be in each other's lives. They're the other's largest emotional support and cheerleader - and their emotional reactions take focus over the romantic ones.
Diane and Hobie have a Non-Conventional Romance because they're in an emotional relationship rather than a romantic one. There is romance there - but the same way a romantic relationship isn't a 'sexual relationship' because sex is involved - an emotional relationship does not become entirely romantic once romance is involved.
Their emotional relationship is very committed, but their romantic relationship is extremely casual. Here are some ways I show that.
DiscoPunk & Affection:
Diane and Hobie do not use typical pet-names. Instead, Hobie is more likely to call Diane 'Daiquiri' - a nickname left over from the first time they've met. It's an embarrassing memory for Diane - and a story Hobie loves to tell. But by calling her Daiquiri, he's sending the reminder that he thinks about the night they met often and remembers it well. Including the 4 Daiquiris she made him buy her. He also calls her Clover - as she's one of his 'Lucky Charms'. Diane is the same, preferring to call Hobie by his name - or over the top names like 'pookie', 'honeybun', or 'hot stuff'. Though the most common she'll default to is 'babe', though she will only do this will they're completely alone. Hobie openly annoys Diane and she lets him. Diane is easy to mess with, easy to sneak up on and easy to confuse (sorry girl). It's easy for him to make her jump if he's too quiet, and despite being fairly outgoing, Disco gets embarrassed easily. Sharing constant silly stories, calling her embarrassing nicknames and ruffling her perfectly manicure hair, are go to ways to piss her off. And you can usually tell when she asks "Am I playing with you? Does it look like I'm playing right now??" In turn, Diane does her 'groupie act', which involves running up and hugging him hard as hell, jumping on his back, or talking about how cute he is in a baby voice while pinching his cheeks. They playfight A LOT. Hobie is known to come up behind Diane, lovingly slipping his arms around her waist. He lifts her up - and then tries to bodyslam her. He's holding her like he's about to do a judo flip and Diane is shoving at him telling him to cut it out. In turn, Diane likes to run at him from a far and jump on his back, and she's known to punch his shoulder if he gets too cheeky with the jokes. (Thank god they both have Spider Strength). And while they may not be quick to cuddle or hold each other in public - if Hobie is asking for it they WILL wrestle, and with matched strength, they don't stop until someone (usually Jess) tells them to cut it out. And Laughter is one of their biggest Love Languages. Hobie LOVES making Diane laugh - mainly because it's such a spectacle. Diane will scream and cry in laughter, doubled over so hard she has to sit down or leave the room. And for Hobie, it's easy to do this, so he does it whenever's the most inappropriate. Him dancing is a HUGE way because it brings Diane to tears almost instantly, without fail. She begs him to stop cause she can't breathe - she's laughing so hard. Hobie refuses and keeps dancing, just to mess with her. On the inverse, when Diane does it, most of the time she doesn't mean to. Diane is clever, but she's blunt and a little.. easy to confuse. And when she blurts something out or asks a question that sounds a bit ridiculous, Hobie can't help but laugh. Like when she saw Peter B. unmasked for the first time, and immediately asked him "Wait, why are you white?" Hobie will almost away burst into laughter, which is usually followed by Diane going "Whatttt? What did I say? Why are you laughing at me :(' Everytime she does this she is completely serious, which Hobie finds even funnier. If she's confused, he'll try to explain it to her, and he never teases her for it. It's just that Hobie chooses his words very carefully, and Diane says exactly what comes to mind.
They very rarely say 'I love you' and only do it in private. Usually, they'll only say this when one of them is going through it, the other just did something awesome, or they're alone and in a good mood. It reserved for moments of intimacy or spontaneity. With a relationship that is so playful, the two of them would probably think that saying it outright is a bit too sappy and plain. Instead, they substitute it by asking the other if they love them -
If Hobie does something for Diane, instead of Diane saying "I love you", Hobie will be the one to say "Don't you love me?" If Diane does something for Hobie, instead of him saying "I love you", he can swap it with "You must love me." (Usually the other person may say "I do" or an equally loving "Shut up.")
DiscoPunk & PDA:
They prioritize privacy. They don't label themselves - to anybody, even close friends. They let people make their own assumptions because it doesn't matter anyway. Plus with Diane being very committed to her place in the Spider Society, it's preferable to just keep it between them. Hobie doesn't really care either way. But the less people bothering him and asking questions, the better.
Diane and Hobie never kiss in front of other people. Save for a few exceptions. Despite being very physically and playfully affectionate, Hobie and Diane choose to keep most of their PDA completely private - and they're more likely to link arms than hold hands. When it comes to kissing, the two saves it for behind closed doors, or hidden spots in HQ. With relationships between Spider-people being prohibited at HQ, it's just easier that way - and the both of them prefer it. This even extends to close friends, including Pavi and Gwen. They may dramatically kiss the other's cheek to annoy them, making kissy sounds and grabbing each other's faced - and on occasion Hobie may give Diane a forehead kiss (she's tall enough to do this). They may cuddle in front of others too, but that's about it. But kisses in specific are just for them. Wasn't a conscious choice, but they like it that way. There's two exceptions though: 1) Shortly after meeting Hobie, Gwen ran into Hobie and Diane kissing at a hidden spot on campus. Nothing heated, but kissing. Diane felt her looking and seemed very disturbed and uncomfortable she had seen. Gwen left quickly, and although Hobie assured Diane that Gwen was okay, the two of them didn't meet until a later date, and Diane seemed a bit embarrassed.
2) Parties. After shows and while drinking Hobie and Diane are completely fine making out in public and showing full PDA. Why? Because they have the cover of the 'groupie act' and they can argue that they were drunk and were only messing around or even say they straight up don't remember. Their terms of commitment are unique. Neither Hobie (in my little universe) nor Diane believe in soulmates. But they do consider themselves 'committed', but they're not life-partners either. They don't care if they'll be together forever. The idea is nice, but it's not their focus. If they wanna spend their lives together, they can start but showing up for each up daily, rather than wearing rings daily.
DiscoPunk, Labels, and Polyamory:
Diane and Hobie are in an open relationship. Since they've never officially asked each other out, monogamy hasn't really been on the table ever. And both are fine and comfortable with this. Because they're great at minding their own business. Who's the girl leaving houseboat when Diane comes through? Who cares - but if touched the makeup Diane left on his bathroom counter, she'll be sending her an invoice and an angry letter. This is equal on both sides.
Diane is without a doubt more active, and more prone to one-night stands (she has a kink for guitarists) rather than full on relationships. Maybe it's the fact that having Hobie in the picture is intimidating as fuck to most guys.
Hobie also has his share - though he usually finds himself in flings and short relationships - going more for romance than sex. In fact, Hobie was with Diane for the duration of his relationship with his Felicia Hardy.
Naturally, Felicia and Diane knew about each other - though they hadn't met. Diane was fine with this and at most would ask how Felicia was doing. Felicia however really wanted to meet Diane. Like dying to meet her. So she found out Hobie's secret identity and just - turned up at one of his shows. Diane was...understandably confused. She was nice, but confused. Asked Hobie later like "Why's she here. Nothing wrong with it but like forreal why is she here?" and he's like "IDK I aint invite her m8 she always does this." Eventually the two got to know each other and although Hobie isn't with Felicia anymore (it's messy), her and Diane are still close friends.
Hobie perfers to let Diane have the last say when it comes to labels.
He's fairly unbothered. What's he gonna do - tell her he has to be her boyfriend? Or brush her off and still expect her to be there? Nah, Labels are the last thing he's worried about. And that's because he's fine with all of them. So long as they're clear. If avoided labels, and demanded to be label-less, that was still caring about labels.
This is where there's conflict - and instead of most fanfics in which the conflict is coming from him - in their case it's coming from her. Diane avoids commitment, terrified of the threat it could cause to the multiverse and Hobie's universe in specific. She's drank the society Kool-Aid so to speak, and will dance around the topic. Hobie has on occasion mentioned monogamy between them being a good option, but when directly approached, Diane will try to dance around the topic - mainly afraid of what Jess and especially Miguel will do if she falls out of line.
This, along with canon events, are the only things that can get them to actually argue - and it can sometimes decend into screaming matches (more about the Society rather than their relationship). They try to avoid bringing it up. But Diane is still paranoid and avoids it.
They use alternative labels instead. For sake of implicity, if you ask them directly "What is x to you?" Hobie will either say "Diane's my bird." or "Why do you want to know - You interested in me or her?" He may also say 'The Old Ball n' Chain' (mocking boomer humor) or simply say "That's Daiquiri."
Diane will most likely say "He's my little boo thang." She may also call him her 'hubby', or say 'I'm his biggest fan.'
WE'RE ALMOST DONE I PROMISE
Finally, DiscoPunk & Gender Roles
I wrote in the last post about how feminism and inverting the sexist trope of 'groupie' contributed a lot to Diane and her behavior towards Hobie. This can mostly be seen here:
Diane initiated the romance. Diane has always been Hobie's groupie, and outspoken in her affection for him. She thinks the girls hiding how much they like Hobie is silly - He KNOWS he's hot. Why not come out and say it - hype him up. Diane is also a way bigger flirt than Hobie - and I really wanted to write the two of them this way, because so much of the time Hobie is the one flirting, usually on a passive OC or xReader that simply passively accepts.
It's rare in dialogue that someone outright points out how hot Hobie is. So Diane does it. She was fine with being like "You're so hot it's distracting and that's not a joke. :) "
Diane usually initiates touch. Hobie rarely wraps his arms around her (unless he's doing that stupid judo shit she hates), but Diane does it to him all the time. She's tall enough on her skates that if she holds him by the waist from behind, she can see clearly over his shoulders. And it's not unusual to see Diane's eyes peek over Hobie's shoulder when you're talking to him. She's not listening, she's just there.
In turn, Hobie accepts this touch very much like the way an xReader would. He's usually the one intiating and offering touch, but when Diane does it him, he finds it comforting to be on the receiving side.
And I usually see this/show this as him softening into her touch, complimenting her for it, or baiting her into cuddling (like plopping down on her on the couch)
They supplement this a lot with closeness. Hobie and Diane always seem to be shoulder to shoulder, whispering inside jokes into each other's ears and trying not to crack up. Most often, Hobie with hput his arm around her shoulder, or if she's in her skates - a hand on her waist to steady her. Not that she needs it. Their relationship is mainly and largely emotional. And that's the basis of it. Hobie was the one who recruited Diane, and has been there for all of her canon events since, seeing her in her most venerable states.
Diane is dedicated to canon - and letting Miguel write her life for her - and although she finds herself conflicted and cornered by the Society, Hobie wants to be there for her always. And he'll be along for the ride as long as she'll have him. Diane in turn, tries her best to be positive when they're both from worlds where things can get really negative. No matter how much he tries to hide it, the constant battles and brutality with the police of his home world wears on him - and he's aware that he's different than most other Spider-people. He's killed before. Usually, he lets it out through his music and when it isn't that - it's through anger and protest. But like Hobie, Diane is a huge supporter of radical happiness. If you can think of Hobie's music as a call to arms, Diane's music is a love song to the sweeter brighter things in life. Diane was raised by The Black Panthers, and she knows just as well as he does what the brutality and pain of oppression can feel like. She has her feet firmly on the ground and her head happily in the clouds.
If anything, Diane is a person of comfort and escapism for Hobie. A reminder of the sweet life that he's fighting for. Diane lives completely free, free of labels and limits - even while living under the thumb of the Society. And she tries to remind Hobie what freedom feels like, when he gets tired of fighting every now and again _________________________________________________
In this way their emotional connection is mutual.
More than anything, I wanted Hobie and Diane to be emotional rocks to each other, before romantic partners. I didn't mean to write it that way (in my head), but it kinda ended up that way.
So often in the Hobie fandom we see the extremes of either Completely Detached Hobie - who sleeps around and wants nothing to do with labels - or Completely Committed Hobie - who is madly in love with his partner in a traditional sense. And in their relationship, I hoped to challenge that. By writing a Hobie than didn't care either way, or went with the flow. A Hobie that was just as thoughtful in his relationships as he was in his friendships. Instead, I wanted to shift the focus to Diane and making it about her choice. By having the woman be the one to define the relationship, the story can now focus on an internal struggle. And seeing his partner being the one to struggle with labels - whereas he's made peace with them.
And by having their affection shift more into playful - that was just because I think it's really funny. Hobie's a little shit.
All of this allows Diane and Hobie's relationship to be something based on mutal care and admiration for each other - rather than lust and clear-cut commitment.
They're able to be independent people, with independent lives and beliefs, while still being a large part of the other's life. They're able to excecise freedom in their situation, while still having an underlying conflict or struggle driving their story.
Hobie and Diane deeply care about and love each other, multiverse be damned. And even if they may not always see eye-to-eye, they're willing to put that aside if it means they have a chance at a peaceful future together - no matter what universe they're in.
They're not conventional, but they're in love. Cause I said so.
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So uh....yeah. That's how I incorporated Non-Conventional Relationships into my uhhh..deeply complex mental world that isn't written down yet besides glimpses in comics I make in photoshop.
If anyone read this far I will genuinely be so surprised, cause I literally just wrote an essay about their entire relationship lol
I feel like I could type anything down here and be safe cause it's hidden in a cattacomb full of TEXT like lemme just-
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(I laughed at the second one til i crrriieeeddddd bro thats so foul)
But if you did read this all, thank you SO SO SO MUCH! As you can probably tell, I think about this a lot. And these characters mean a lot to me so I love sharing them when I can. I hope this helped someone and someone finds it helpful or at least entertaining! You rock <3
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Writing this is normal, well-adjusted behavior. Cringe is dead.
Stream Diane and Hobie's album 'BackAlleyJazzLettuce' aka their Funk-Rock fusion ship playlist
Now take this photo of Hobie Kissy Kissy Face and get off my property.
Bye.
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Affection = 1
A/N: Someone pointed out how Chuuya has had little to none positive affection that wasn't transactional, or didn't result in violence. So here's a drabble series about it.
Fandom: Bungo Stray Dogs
Pairing: Chuuya x Reader
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Chuuya didn't date.
He would fuck when he had the time, might even have the occasional friend with benefits if it was a slow month. All the sex he had was spit, and blood, and hastily discarded condoms. The girls typically didn't look at him twice after, and if they did it was to ask about his bank account.
Dazai had told him once that he wasn't made for relationships, that he would push away the first person that tried to allow him the space to be vulnerable.
Dazai ended up with a broken nose that day.
And yet Dazai's syrupy words clogged his ears and poisoned his heart as he watched you idly play with his ungloved fingers.
It wasn't deliberate like after sex. When your fingers squeezed his to keep your mind from floating away while you came down from your high. Nor was it the more annoying poking you did when you wanted him to get up to get the remote.
No, here it was soft, and almost lackadaisical. Starting between his thumb and pointer, you made looping patterns up along his knuckles, down the length of his middle finger, and back up to his knuckles.
You couldn't have needed anything. The movie playing was your choice, he had whipped you both up a quick meal, and he'd let you pick the wine this time despite knowing it would be something overly sweet.
He continued racking his brains for whatever needed fixing. You had things, you weren't initiating sex... Wait, did you need comfort?
His gaze shifted from your hands to your body. The movie wasn't emotionally taxing. Just a romance that had a happy ending, according to you. You also didn't appear injured. The dark skin peeking out from your night dress didn't display any marks he hadn't been previously aware of-
"Red, you good?"
He blinked and looked up at your face. Despite trying to focus, he could still feel your hand on his own, your movements halted.
"Yeah. 'm fine."
You raised an eyebrow. "We can switch the movie. I know you like ones with a bit more atmosphere."
You removed your hand from his, and he let out a soft breath, hand finally relaxing.
"Are we doing animated or live action?"
"Look. Sweetheart." You paused, hand on the remote. "Can we… Is it okay if we do a serious talk?"
And then Chuuya realized why he was willing to try the whole relationship thing. You set the remote aside after muting the TV, and turned to face him completely. "What’s up, Chuuya?"
He killed people for a living.
Watched them get their fingers broken after pulling off the nails. Setting buildings on fire with people still inside. Ripping people out of their beds while their families watched…
And yet facing you to ask such a basic question…
He scratched the back of his head, gaze pointedly fixed on his hands.
"I didn't get why you're messing with my hand."
"Hm?"
He clicked his tongue, but did his best to keep the anger out of his voice. "You were messing with my fingers, and…"
"You can just tell me to stop, Chuuya. I won't get upset."
"That's not it. I just don't get why." Frustration creeped into his tone, and yet you didn't even flinch. "I know my body runs warm, and I know I got rough hands. Can't see the reason for it if you don't want something."
You stared at him for a long moment, before you tilted your head to the side. "Does it make you uncomfortable?"
"No."
"Does it feel bad or annoying?"
"No."
Well, honesty time..."
He raised an eyebrow when you began twisting your own fingers. "I gotta do a lot of things at once. Blame the ADHD. And, you know, I like you so… I wanted to just show that."
He could pratically hear Dazai laughing at the confusion running through his head. He'd need to break that idiot's nose again...
You crawled closer to Chuuya, and grasped one of his hands in both of yours.
"It's like when you tuck me in. You don't have to. It's pratically auto pilot, right?" When he nodded you smiled. "but it shows you love me. This is how I wanna show you that I love you. I guess showing that I desire you for you. Ya know?"
He looked away sharply, his mouth twitching with a smile. He knew even with his shock of hair, you could see how red his face and neck were getting.
"I think I get it."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
He heard the couch shift, before he felt warm lips against his cheek. "Thank you for asking me about this. I'm very proud of you for handling this conversation so well."
"Yeah, yeah. We're adults. Gotta talk about shit when it happens."
"Exactly!"
He placed his hand on your lap, and you laced your fingers with his.
Fuck. What did he do to deserve you?
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piqtescue · 2 years
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Sleepy Boy™️
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vraisetzen · 1 year
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yes gojo has huge male slut energy AND he gets way too familiar with people AND he's an annoying piece of shit BUT he's actually way more mature and perceptive than people give him credit for BECAUSE he's traumatised over losing his friend twice AND he saddles so much responsibility over being the strongest in a world of traditionalists that want to fuck over the young people he's trying to protect —
what i'm saying is gojo has multitudes. he's allowed to have multitudes. he's a complex character with flaws and strengths and weaknesses and that is what makes him so compelling. whether you love or hate him, erasing any aspect of his character and reducing him to a single trope discounts the development that story has given him.
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erinelliotc · 2 months
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Some people (including myself) are Eddy apologists for this exact reason too- they can understand why he acts as he acts, where do come from his anger and insatisfaction with his life, and how he often gets a pretty unfair treatmente in some episodes (To Sir with Ed, Sorry Wrong Ed, X Marks the Ed, Who let The Ed In, The Good, The Bad and The Ed). On other side other characters (the kids) act just as bad as him and (almost) always come go unpunished. There several years ago Eddy got lots of hate, he was demonished and treated like a real monster and a sociopath by the fandom, devoid of any redeeming qualities. People who feel sympathy for him for his background and some of these episodes began to come to his defende and shows how he is a great character with a lot of good moments and a heart deep down.
Edd, on other side, always had the ''elite treament'', he was a angel, a perfect princess, who can do anything wrong in certain fans's eyes. Not to mention he pretty much overshadowed every other character on fanfics and fan arts, was everything about him. Another fans (usually Eddy fans) naturally got sick of this and started to push his flaws, the moments were he acted like a jerk, and how he's not above anyone on the show. And how not all his actions are (indeed) justifyable. Summing up, people were just sick of seeing Eddy being treated like a psychotic monster and Edd as the Jesus Christ figure.
Politely, just clarifying this to you. Good afternoon.
First of all, thanks for politely telling me all this! I wasn't really aware of all this because I only joined the fandom 5 months ago. And I totally get this, that's why I made the post. I saw some posts of people talking about those people who think Double D is an innocent little angel and I started to wonder if people think that about me, if I ever sounded like that, and I started to worry that someday I would sound like that in one of my future texts and videos talking about him. I hadn't thought about it when I made the post, but I hope it didn't come off as rude or an "attack" (???), I was just afraid that people would mistake me for one of those annoying people and just wanted to clarify that I'm not, because I really like this fandom and I don't want people to think that I'm annoying or that I make superficial analysis of the characters (because I personally think that oversimplifying Double D as good and Eddy as bad is something people do when they watch the show very superficially). I tend to be that type of person who feels the need to always clarify and justify myself for fear of others hating me, and also, I'm a little traumatized by Twitter where people tend to be very aggressive and mean to you for everything and assume things about you and not explain things to you etc etc... so I was a little anxious after making my post, afraid something like this might happen, but from everything I'm seeing, people on Tumblr seem so nice and kind in general. So I want to thank you again for being so kind and actually explaining the whole thing to me :)
Eddy is a character who's very easy to be wronged and misunderstood because he has great depth, several layers, insecurities and traumas that he covers with his false confidence and "jerky" attitude that he tries to copy from his brother. Obviously not justifying people treating him like a monster, just explaining that unfortunately we live in a world full of superficial people who aren't concerned with paying attention to details and stopping to really interpret and analyze things carefully and attentively, and understand that people are complex, characters are complex, and Eddy is a highly complex character. To these people, it ends up being more comfortable and convenient to just be content and cling to the character who, if seen superficially, is the "perfect little angel" who "suffers at the hands" of the "evil Eddy". I love analyzing and reflecting on things deeply, and it really irritates and frustrates me that people don't make the effort to do the same, and that happens in real life too. People quickly judge and have difficulty understanding that people are not simple and have different reasons for acting the way they do. I know it's hard to deal with people who act like jerks, I have a hard time myself, but I just wish there was a little more empathy in the world. That's one of the things Big Picture Show teaches us, right? Don't judge people because sometimes the jerk person is actually a very broken, insecure and frustrated person who just wants and needs to feel loved and accepted and doesn't really understand that. I think it's so important to learn that because it's true, sometimes people act mean not because they're actually mean, but because of so many other reasons that they themselves don't comprehend or don't want to show, and the "mean" disguise is just the way they found to defend themselves and survive.
I think (at least I hope?) it's noticeable in some of my posts that I also love Eddy (as a Double D kinnie I think it makes sense to be in love with him xD just an EddEddy joke to lighten up, but honestly I think people like Eddy are my type), I love analyzing and reading other people's analysis of his character and story, but my sympathy for him just grew in the last 5 months in fact, when I became hyperfixated on EEnE much more intensely than before and finally started to get to know about the whole story and characters. I even made a post once talking about thinking that he was my least favorite Ed, because before he actually was, but after rewatching the entire show now as an adult (the last time I watched I was a kid who didn't even understand a lot of the things that happened) and starting to analyze and read about it, now I'm very obsessed with him, I think his character is so interesting and deep, that he has the most interesting backstory and the best character development, and I even make more edits with him than with Double D (I think I tend to be obsessed with controversial and complex characters who are full of content to analyze from a psychological point of view like Eddy. A good example is Jinx from Arcane, I just love her character so much). I also recently realized that he's a lot like my brother, no wonder our mother often misunderstands him. But I get it, they (Eddy and my brother) are just people who are very hard to deal with because they carry several issues that you need to have good maturity and emotional structure to deal with, but it's so good when you can get to know a little more about them and help them get through these things when they open up and allow themselves to be discovered and helped.
Today I came across a post (which was honestly the trigger that made me make my post) from @eddfumo saying that they think Double D wants to be like Eddy in some way, and you know what? This is so true! I'll use my own experience to relate to him and explain him again, but anyway, I'm so envious of people/characters like Eddy. Even though they tend to irritate me and I even disapprove of many of their actions and decisions, they also have a determination, confidence (even if it's false, they're still able to act like confident people), attitude, audacity, strong personality, rebelliousness, extroversion and "not giving a shit" energy that I so wish I had too. I really admire these traits and I think Double D deep down does too (I like to headcanon him doing the same as I do and secretly fantasizing imaginary and hypothetical situations and discussions in which he acts more like Eddy, and he feels so good about himself afterwards, but feels frustrated that he doesn't have the nerve to do this outside of his imagination in real-life situations). Even though they have questionable morals, this type of person are so inspiring and you can still learn so much from them. It's no wonder Double D grows so much and becomes a more confident and less people-pleasing person because of Eddy's influence.
So yeah, it sucks when people simplify characters and see them as black and white, good and bad. The EEnE fandom is unfortunately not very big, but luckily here on Tumblr, at least currently, it's full of people who do in-depth analyses, and that makes me very happy!
EDIT (I'm editing to add one more thing because I forgot to mention another topic that complements what you said about the other kids acting badly too and not receiving any punishment): One of the many things I plan to do after rewatching the show a few more times to properly absorb everything (I need to rewatch things at least twice to really take it all. Plus, I rewatched it the first time with the Brazilian dub because nostalgia and now I want to rewatch it with the original lines) is count how many times the Eds do real scams. Because honestly, there are a lot of episodes where we can't really call what they're doing "scams" because they're not actually scamming anyone, they're just selling something honestly and without harming anyone, but things always go wrong even when they're not doing anything wrong (often because of the Kankers, for example) and this is frustrating as hell to Eddy.
Since I haven't rewatched everything twice yet (because I'm still in the process of subtitling the entire remastered version of the show to rewatch it properly because English isn't my first language), I don't remember all the episodes accurately and clearly. But the last one I subtitled was "In Like Ed" (season 2, episode 9), so it's the example I have freshest in mind, even if it's not the best one. I know, the Eds were inconvenient in this episode crashing Jimmy's party (even though I think it's so lame that they rarely get invited to anything because the kids exclude them), opening his presents and everything, but one thing that stuck in my mind was the fact that when Eddy opened the present in front of them and revealed the sewing machine, Jimmy just said: "I'm so misunderstood. I wanted a pony!". He didn't say anything about them ruining the surprise or anything, he just started crying and ran away because he didn't get a goddamn pony. He just complained about someone's present, despised the present right in front of the person, and all Kevin said was "There goes the birthday boy. You dorks wrecked another party!". Like?? Jimmy cried because he didn't get the present he wanted, and not because of the Eds. I could even consider the possibility of them giving him "preferential treatment" and ignoring him because he's younger, but there are times when Kevin doesn't give a shit about Jimmy being younger, like in "Know it All Ed" (season 2, episode 1) when he uses the squirt gun on him, mock him and call him "twerp". Anyway, regardless of being younger, he was so rude and no one gave a shit, and not only that but they even acted as if it was the Eds' fault that Jimmy cried and ran away.
So yeah! The kids (especially Kevin) always blame the Eds (especially Eddy) for everything that goes wrong, even when it's not really their fault. And as you said, they also act badly, but nothing happens to them.
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yea-baiyi · 4 months
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the key to understanding hua cheng’s appearance and how he occupies space is that he’s a transmasc goth who’s committed to red and silver as his aesthetic. ok. the layered hair the outfits the boots the chains. he doesn’t shave off his eyebrows and redraw them only because he is a shapeshifter and so his eyebrows grow the way he wants.
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beevean · 7 months
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Can't stop thinking about this pattern that has been noticed, that Hector keeps his throat exposed while Isaac keeps it covered (even post-insanity, with the collar)
Isaac is more proper and put together than Hector. He's covered neck to toe, while Hector doesn't even wear gloves. The mere suggestion is insane lmao.
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And you would expect the opposite, right? Hector should be the more "professional" one, right?
Instead, we can take this as a subtle showing of the favoritism afforded to Hector. Isaac can't slack off, Isaac has to try twice as hard to keep up with Hector, in abilities and reputation. And he cares! That's why he puts the effort. Hector, on the other hand, can be more lax with his uniform: he's appreciated enough that he doesn't need to look perfect.
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This is also reflected in Hector's CoD uniform: it looks hastily put together, and he still only wears one glove on his right hand to hold weapons. (and his throat is still exposed) Hector doesn't really care about being prim and proper: he cares about being efficient. Also something something Hector is falling apart but he tries to keep himself together (he cobbled together the remains of his uniform) while Isaac's psyche has been completely torn to pieces by this point :) symbolism :)
And now I'm going into full headcanon territory. What if we combined this with my idea that Dracula has drunk from both of them? Again, shouldn't we expect Isaac to flaunt his bite marks, and Hector to hide his?
Isaac is quite confident if not shameless, but those marks? The signs that he has been touched by his Lord, that He has taken life from him? Those are sacred. Those need to be protected by the eyes of those lowlife who will never understand. They are for him and his Lord alone. And this is also why he goes through the trouble of covering them up: they are not just scars, they are (in his mind) the symbol of the special bond between Lord and servant who would give every last drop of his blood for Him.
Hector doesn't care, and he may instead be even resentful to be used like that. But there is no point in hiding, no point in acting embarrassed of those marks: that would make him look weak. Besides, it's not like the monsters of the castle aren't already having a good laugh at his expense, the Lord's "favorite" General who smells like Dracula a little too much. So he walks with his head high and without shame, and whatever others think, they're free to do so: he can prove his actual worth at any time.
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an-theduckin · 4 months
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Did the police guy and Rose head guy dated before Rose died?
In the ear therapist episode, this is one of the posters in the room.
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This resembles them very much, perhaps suggesting that they have been in that example of "healthy relationship" before. Maybe it is just a coincidence that the character designs look similar, but I have some other points that may suggest that it is not a coincidence and that it is them. But firstly, some context.
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Police guy first appears in the episode where Argos and Mr plant travel to the beach to see the blackhole, accidentally killing a man in the process. The police asked them if they have seen the man before and Argos said no. We do not really see him in any other episode, but he is sometimes mentioned in the Void newspapers.
Rose guy first appears in the Argos' great great grandad funeral episode, selling flowers to Argos for the funeral, but that is irrelevant now. He later appears in the Void superstar episode, where he gets killed by Mr plant for constantly taking pictures of Mr plant and not leaving him alone.
The rose guy is dead, so if my theory is correct, the police guy would be sad about it since he was his boyfriend. He is a police, his job is to protect people, but he could not even protect his lover. This means he would probably be depressed. This idea might be true because in the first episode where we see the police man, the rose guy was not dead yet, and in that episode he is seen to be very cheery and optimistic. But later on, when he talks in the newspapers, he sounds more pessimistic and apathetic towards people. He does not seem to care about people anymore, this sudden switch in his feelings might be because his boyfriend has died.
So this is why I think they dated before Rose died.
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loadinghellsing · 7 months
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"does a person count as religious if they believe, but have lost their faith?"
If the answer is "yes"? Alucard is more religious then Anderson.
"more religious" as in "more consumed, motivated, and driven by their faith, and by their faith alone."
Combat is Alucard's prayer, it's in the blood spilled and the lives lost. Vlad lived, fought, and killed for his faith.
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And him consuming the blood, is him taking that entire prayer from god, and claiming it as his own.
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So if you take every act of faithless faith, and tally it up as a religious point. Well...
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I feel it's safe to call him the most religious character in Hellsing.
His relationship with it is complex, and runs deep. Furious resentment, but also a sense of self loathing with what he's become. Torn between two extremes.
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(conflicted grin/scowl)
-Additional note-
Alucard's quote; that dedicating yourself to god, or dedicating yourself against, is all the same.
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Prompts an odd realization, that in Alucard's own terms, he could never have held the weight of a human life.
Because Vlad had been dedicated and faithful to an all consuming extreme. Alucard is just the other side of that same coin.
"If Satanists do not believe in the devil, who does?" - "Christians."
But if Alucard expresses two extremes of monstrosity, here's the thing that really gets me.
Anderson is a monster of neither extreme.
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"Instrument of God", sure. but the main things is; Anderson doesn't want to be human. He doesn't want emotion, fear, heart, or pity.
He becomes a monster because of a human desire to not be overwhelmed with conflict. It's the desires of a tired man expressed through faith (not because of faith) that turns him into a monster.
he works at an orphanage, he has kids he care about. Such as Maxwell. Who he strikes down in "the name of god", be he strikes down with a human heart. With pity, sorrow, loss, and love.
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Emotions that aren't because of his faith. It's human, it's who he is. And his faith is just another aspect of that identity.
So through those terms? Anderson became a monster in the most human way possible.
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wildissylupus · 11 months
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Plot points I think (hope) are going to happen in Story Missions because of "As You Are"
Bapssidy-Bapweaver love triangle, not anything serious like most love triangles we see, cause it's in none of they're characters to take something like that seriously, just give me all three flirting with eachother. (Could end with all three of them dating, Bapweavessidy/GunsnRoses)
One-sided Pharmercy angst
Phara moving on, not just from her crush on Mercy, but her (kinda toxic) idealisation of Overwatch as a whole. This is a separate post I'm going to make but because of the recent story story I feel like Pharah was very much sheltered from what everyone went through in Overwatch.
Cassidy and Mercy having a long overdue break down
Pharah trying to get Baptiste and Cassidy together
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orieriee · 2 years
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Get to Know Portgas D. Ace! A Character Analysis ✮
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masterlist here
Author's note: disclaimer, this is my own interpretation based on what I've seen and some information I gathered from blogs here and there on the internet. I've wanted to do this for so long because I like to make and read fictions about certain characters but sometimes it can get too OOC (which is not my preference) so I'm making this to help me understand about the character more and write more accurate fics! Also english isn't my first language so forgive me if I worded it badly :'
I might do more when I'm free so let me know which character(s) to do. Feel free to leave some thoughts on this too in the comments/reblogs or the ask box!
warnings! do not repost anywhere. some minor spoilers.
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Please read the disclaimer beforehand, I don't want people to misunderstand :'') and before that, I've seen people interpreting him a bit out of character, which is not really my preference when reading fanfics about him (which is ok and it is also totally ok if you're ok with it or you do prefer it) I don't blame people for making him have those "stereotypes" because it's a fic, it's up to their interpretation and it's fun. But I wanna dig a little deeper on his CANON characteristics.
Also before we get into the analysis, the difference between Alabasta's Ace and Wano's Ace 😭 I'M SOBBING. I'm sorry Alabasta Ace lovers but I tend to roast my favorite characters and ACE MY BOY LMFAO. They did Alabasta Ace dirty, he has very greasy hair and what is he so smug for?? 😭
read more about his overall personality down here!
Overall Personality based on data
Based on personality database, Ace's an ESTP. I've read some articles about it and did a little bit of research on it and I do agree that Ace's an ESTP.
☆ ESTP - Extroverted, Observant, Thinking, and Prospecting.
ESTP people tend to be action-oriented, sociable and energetic. They tend to be straightforward risk-takers also, diving right into the action.
ESTPs also tend to have their own strong beliefs about what they think is right or wrong. They are usually direct or blunt, they don't like playing mind games. They can be defiant, they want their freedom so to say and move at their own pace.
Sometimes they can be insensitive and have trouble acknowledging and expressing their feelings as well. ESTPs like to solve problems here and there, perhaps too much, that they may miss the bigger picture and often ignore the rules which can create unexpected failures.
☆ We can see these traits of Ace, especially in his younger years when we get to know him more. Ace can be impulsive when it comes to action. He headbutts in first when it comes to a fight.
We can also see that Ace has trouble expressing his feelings in his younger years. He won't talk to Sabo or Luffy about his problems. But when it comes to something he thinks should be said, he's often blunt about it. He also refuses Garp's wish and wanted to become a pirate instead, despite Garp constantly arguing with him to become a marine instead. This shows Ace stands by his own will and he wants his freedom instead.
It is also shown in how he went against Whitebeard's order not to chase Teach. He was impatient and wanted to settle down the problems with Blackbeard, making him hasty which led to his, well, his time in impel down :/.
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About Him
Enough about the data, let's talk about Ace overall from what we can see from One Piece.
I must say the data has already provided a rather accurate explanation/analysis of his character in One Piece but I'll sum up some more.
Despite the fact that during his younger years, we can see how rude of a kid he was, he matured up to be a rather polite lad. Apologizing for disrupting a family's meal because he broke some walls even searching for Shanks to say his thanks because of Luffy. In his younger years we also see that he struggles with his self-image and existential crisis, on how he questioned his entire existence while in his older years, it doesn't quite show that kind of a struggle.
It seems like he is finally at peace with his own existence and accepted the fact that he can't change that about himself as we can see in his interaction with Yamato in the later episodes. Though internally, I think he's still a little bit self-conscious given the thought of what he has been through as a child, it must've left some emotional scars but we don't know since that issue doesn't get shown much in the anime.
In conclusion, he had this character development and we got to see him grow from being a brat to a mature, easy-going young man that we know of Ace in One Piece.
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Another point is that he's a good brother period. He's very protective of Luffy, Pre and Post Sabo's "death". Although I must say he was more of a "tsundere" when Sabo was still around. He's also passionate, a kind, good person, he always tries to keep his promises even though sadly he passed away before he could fulfil some of them :(. (Spoiler alert: I'm talking about Tama and Yamato)
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What I recommend - A Headcanon
Ace... I would say I'm pretty flexible with Ace unlike Law, where I don't really like Law being out of character. Ace can be portrayed as cold or a ray of literal sunshine based on the situation the headcanons are in. I can picture him where he can come off as cold if he dislikes the (person), a bad boy in modern AU where he likes to fight but still keep up those playful manners of Ace, a literal sunshine because he likes (person) very much.
☆ Romantic tropes that I can see him in are friends to lovers, soulmates, crushes, and perhaps childhood friends to lovers.
But most definitely, I can see him in a platonic soulmates relationship with the reader since that's just kinda how Ace is tbh. Or a scenario where Ace likes you like romantically but he doesn't realise he's in love romantically is also a cute trope to think about (in a headcanon).
Crushes + friends to lovers is also another trope that I really like. A headcanon I like on this take is that he's really blushy when he realized that he has a crush. Even his ears and neck are red. This headcanon applies on both anime-oriented and modern setting. I could see Ace being the golden retriever boyfriend who likes to wear those college jersey jackets (although he likes being shirtless more), 99%. Also please consider him to be the clingy boyfriend, I might be biased but I would love to baby him, you get what I feel?
Talking about a type huh... That's definitely up to your interpretation but to me he lowkey gives me Itadori's ideal type vibes (big bust and all that stuff, probably jennifer lawrence too but leaning towards Nicki Minaj or Doja cat and maybe Harry Styles too) but that's just his outside cover you know. Like he didn't know you have to have a certain type so he just splat that out because people kept pushing him. So now he just tells people that if they get too annoying (my headcanon). I think you just have to be kind and loving. That's all it is to Ace if he does desire a partner.
That's all I can brain up for Ace. Let me know if you have more ideas on his character :D I would love to hear more about your opinions too! <3 Hope you enjoyed it loves <33 Ace's appreciation post!!
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keeperofmemory · 6 months
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sorting the moving (무빙) parents into the sortinghatchats system - a quick character analysis
(if you’re new to this theory, your primary house is about why you do things, while your secondary house is about how you do things. you can take the quiz here — it’s fun!) 
[!!! spoilers below !!!]
jang juwon: [hufflepuff primary / gryffindor secondary + hufflepuff model]
“boss, was it about money in the end?”  “what else would it be? being a gangster is a job. (…) aren’t we all here to make money?" “no. i did it to protect our boys"
juwon, juwon, juwon, steel-skinned, soft-hearted monster of a man, who uses 존댓말 and doesn’t see jihee any differently because she is a person like any other, who’s in a gang for the sole purpose of protecting his boys. jang juwon is a hufflepuff primary because he treats people fairly and he belongs, he does not own. hufflepuff primaries value community, and bond to groups, rather than solely individuals, which you can see in his mentality regarding his gang. they’re his people, like he is theirs. they are together, and they are home, what do you mean you aren't here for nothing else but each other? 
of course, the ones he considers his end up betraying him, and he loses his way. (his hufflepuff primary burns, if you will. it is now safer to be alone.) where does he go when he has no home anymore? he does not know. but he finds jihee, and for the first time it feels like he knows where to go. (it does not solve everything, not really, but it is close enough.) 
in the end, he feels the most at home when he is part of team. and when the NIS is shut down and he is put inside walls in front of a screen that never listens, and a keyboard too small for his clumsy fingers, he feels lost again. this is not people, this is cold, lifeless walls, none of them he can run through. the team of superpowered people he later gets put in doesn’t feel exactly right, not really, but he is using what he is good at to help people, and that is the closest he can get to that feeling.
his secondary is a gryffindor; he runs into walls until the walls break, for it is the only way he’s ever known to get through things. (gryff secondaries meet their problems by charging at them, by responding directly to situations.) he has only ever chosen the easiest way, after all, and for a man whose body doesn’t break, simply running into things was the obvious easiest way. why change, why think, when he can simply push through and get through it anyway?
(he does model a hufflepuff secondary, once it's only him and his daughter. he does it for her, gives up everything to build her a better life. it's about doing the work, about showing up. it's odd jobs but honest jobs, moving constantly but still putting in the effort to show steadiness and consistency, to give his daughter a home despite the possibility of the NIS finding them at any moment.)
hwang jihee: [slytherin primary + gryffindor model / gryffindor secondary]
jihee is a healthy slytherin primary if i’ve ever seen one. she advocates for herself, (and she has to, doesn't she? or else nobody else will. not in the line of work she is,) puts herself and her dignity first despite it all. she does have a sense of justice (“that car hit and ran? did it hit you? do you want me to chase it?”) but it doesn’t eat her whole ("but if we find the culprit we split the money:)”) — it’s a nice gryff primary model she likes being in when her slytherin loyalties are not threatened.
juwon is the first person to see her fully as a person, and not a coffee lady. it softens her up immediately. — it doesn't make her fall for him, of course, nor does it get him into her circle. (if it did, she wouldn’t be a slytherin primary). she is a smart girl who advocates for herself, after all. but once he does, he does not leave. she will run into a mob of gangsters and disregard the police for him, will tell him to put himself first, even if it means having a more difficult life for both of them. because putting yourself, and the people that are yours, first, is what matters in the end.
she has a gryffindor secondary she shares with her husband. she can hold her tongue and be perfectly polite, but in the end her problems will be met head on. what other house would throw itself in 100+ mobsters without a plan? she said to hell with it, she’ll figure it out on the way.
gryff secondaries’ honesty is part of their personality and morality — jihee has seen the men play the sappy part only for their own selfish gain, and hates it deeply within her core. once she sees juwon isn’t pretending to be anyone but himself (he is also a gryffindor secondary after all) —  a simple man who reads books on stories where men are bloody but loved, who is willing to buy a ticket to simply share conversations with her  — she finally lets him in, slowly but surely. (her slytherin recognizes that he is also someone the world has shunned for who he is, for the labels they have stuck on him, and she embraces him warmly. he is hers now. and she is his.)
their kid is a gryff/gryff btw . she houseshares with her bf’s dad n i think that’s rlly cute . (her bf houseshares with her dad so . soulmates or whatever)
lee mihyun [gryffindor primary / ravenclaw secondary]
lee mihyun lee mihyun lee mihyun, who uses her powers like she uses her gun, carrying them around and doing the maintenance of each part every night. some would call it overdoing it, but she calls it a habit, calls it being prepared. (and amidst the very real danger that looms above her, can you blame her?) they're all tools she has on her, and years of training have taught her when to use which to get out of a situation with the upper hand. she's a ravenclaw secondary, the house that collects knowledge, tools or skills and then picks them up in times of need. she scouts for danger daily on social media, assesses the situation from a vantage point to collect intel; and yes, she's an agent, at this point it's probably second nature. but this is where she's most comfortable, pulling out from her pocket the information she gathered and the problem-solving systems she’s built whenever she gets tossed into danger.
lee mihyun’s specific brand of claw secondary has her being an adaptable problem solver — understandable, considering her tool set includes her heightened senses (six: her five senses and her common sense) and her gun (make that seven), as well as her general training as a black op agent. however, ravenclaw secondary tools are task-specific. sure, she can take out several enemy agents on her own with nothing but a gun and the strap of her handbag, but have her son bring a new pretty friend home and you’ll have her like a deer in headlights. (...the NIS did not prepare her for this)
her primary is a gryffindor, and it’s what makes her turn away from being an agent even after everything that’s on the line. it doesn’t matter, that she’s running away from the most powerful government agency, not if it’s the right thing to do. (it tires her, after losing her husband and having to do it all on her own. but she doesn't burn, not fully —she can't, not with her son still by her side.) now gryff primaries believe in trusting yourself and your gut, in doing so even if the whole world (or several hundred government agents) is against you. at the end of the day, the most important things is staying true to what’s inside of you. 
so in that fateful moment when the mission was clear, the orders indisputable, she turned away from her organization, her boss, her colleagues, to do what she felt was right. gun in her hand, she said to hell with consequences, i have to stay true to what i believe in — these people are enemies, but they are people and what we’re doing right now is wrong. (from afar, her future husband will see her act upon everything he had been feeling until then, will see a braver reflection of his own gryff primary, and he will fall in love.) 
kim dooshik [gryffindor primary/gryffindor secondary]
kim dooshik is a bit harder to sort; we really don’t see him as much as we could have. he has a gryffindor primary he shares with his wife; their whole story is about finding someone who believes in the same thing they do, stuck in an organization that tells them otherwise. he can look hufflepuff, in the way he values people and fairness — but the core of gryff primaries is about trusting your beliefs and doing your best to live by them. it’s about the bravery to pursue them, even if it leads him to a life of being chased, and captured, and tortured (…literally). 
he has a gryffindor secondary to go with it. that time he tried to diffuse the bomb on a civilian plane under no orders but his own? no orders, no plans, just him flying and trying to save people? very gryff/gryff of him. he also shares a lion secondary with his partner and they play off each other very well. (dooshik casually just letting juwon fall several hundred miles from the sky into where the enemies are and letting him figure it out… #justgryffsecondarybrosthingz)
sure, sure, one could argue for a ravenclaw secondary — but i think that’s just him being an agent. of course he would train and strategize. of course he would have backup plans. but at the end of the day, the method he falls back on is his charging, making it up as he goes. most of all, it’s his blunt honesty, his genuineness that we see shine in his actions. (even in the way he pursues mihyun — not a single disingenuous bone in his body) 
at the end of the day, he’ll rush into a problem when he believes it is right, no matter the consequences. he’ll fly into the enemy’s hands to protect his family, spend years imprisoned in a cave not faltering in his beliefs. a gryff/gryff through and through. 
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kerorowhump · 7 months
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isn't it extremely fucked up how even though he says this was a joke right after this truly is the real words he would say to them if he was about to sacrifice himself to protect earth and humans to which we can infer also that 1 he's grateful for the knowingly limited amount of time he had with them and that he was able to be their friend (specifically fuyuki) so he is aware at the Very Least on a joking level that this is a chance which time will inevitably run out 2 he feels on some level guilt for his being a "freeloader" and living under their roof and obviously more in general getting them involved in the invasion stuff he can't walk out of, so in the back of his mind somehow he's trying to make up for and remedy this fact 3 most importantly, despite KNOWING that his position is fickle and he would've been required to choose sided eventually and lose all he has as he feared, he's not sacrificing himself by being platoon leader, because he also got to achieve happiness under this plan and within this platoon.
see, I say that because not too long ago I even discussed with friends that keroro was sacrificing some of his own happiness doing something he very extremely doesn't wanna do anymore (invasion) not only because he has to but also because it allows everyone around him to thrive in these conditions even if HE doesn't. they're all happy to be on earth, keroro is super lax with the way he treats them, barely scolds them for real or perceived mistakes
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["you went a bit overboard" he says as he's literally dying buried in snow. great boss!]
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(and when he does "scold", it's more average bickering what they do, and he doesn't come out on top a lot or anyways lacks that aura of respect you'd have to give any other military superior which allows for a more relaxed environment where they can thrive as themselves. you ever seen ofmd? think stede). and consistently ive seen so far that keroro is willing to put his life on the line for the mission and also step up when it comes to protecting his teammates specifically, but I think he's like, aware of what being a leader entails. and I know he does because he had this fuckin SPEECH ready to drop, joke or not!! like he pondered this stuff, he knows how he feels about the situation and... he concluded that he's happy the way things are. and that may be why it's so hard for him to commit to something and he's kinda stuck between sides, because it's not like keron bad earth good to him
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he likes keron and he likes earth and while he's allowed to live in a way that allows him to betray neither, he's happy. that is his goal, so that makes sense. he's not without guilt and shame for his choices, but he's grateful they led him to where he is. a still moment in time where he can pretend he's on the right side on both parts.
I mean... IS that why he wants to be included with them as family so bad?
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is that why it hurts when his teammates lose faith in his leader abilities?
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could that be why he has semi-frequent (I would say...) breakdowns about the state of the mission despite not being motivated to do it, because this fickle balance he's created still hinges on it, let alone his reputation? HQ loves to remind him so. to tell him to hurry up.
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it's all about enjoying the time you have with the people you love, and also give them a chance to find their own happiness in a way they couldn't have under normal keron rules. taking the brunt of everything that might go wrong for this.
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but he's happy because they are, because he was able to achieve this, because he loves them, because he could at times believe they love him back, like he always wanted, I think, despite the circumstances that he's the reason for. it's a burdened happiness, hence why he also needs to apologize in the same breath, "for all the trouble he caused".
maybe in an ideal world there is no invasion, and he really could've gotten to be just that pleasant and cheerful freeloader alien, no guilt attached
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but if that's the price to pay for having met the hinatas and having been able to give everyone in his platoon a second chance at a peaceful life, I believe that makes him happy. a peaceful life with the people he cares about, even if just for a while, and he's well aware of how fragile it is.
he really is often like "is the invasion all you can think about?" but then it's always weighing on his mind as well. it stings when that costs him the respect of his peers. it stings when that causes the hinatas to doubt him even when he's innocent.
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but what choice does he have?
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nixnephili · 2 years
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Fyodor Dostoevsky: Real life vs BSD
- a short analysis by Nix Nephili ♡
"Above all, do not lie to yourself. A man who lies to himself and listens to his own lie comes to a point where he does not discern any truth either in himself or anywhere around him, and thus falls into disrespect towards himself and others. Not respecting anyone, he ceases to love, and having no love, he gives himself up to passions and coarse pleasures in order to occupy and amuse himself, and in his vices reaches complete beastiality, and it all comes form lying continually to others and himself. A man who lies to himself is often the first to take offense. it sometimes feels very good to take offense, doesn't it? And surely he knows that no one has offended him, and that he himself has invented the offense and told lies just for the beauty of it, that he has exaggerated for the sake of effect, that he has picked up on a word and made a mountain out of a pea--he knows all of that, and still he is the first to take offense, he likes feeling offended, it gives him great pleasure, and thus he reaches the point of real hostility...
Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov"
--> Reported to be Fyodor's favourite book out of the ones he wrote.
This is one of the most expressive ironies of his beliefs and the anime/manga.
-Real life Fyodor disregards the idea of man to lie to himself and eventually starting to believe it as truth- contradicting BSD Fyodor and his delusions.
The book referenced in the anime is Crime and Punishment, this book sustains the belief Fyodor had, that no crime goes unpunished 
It follows the character Raskolnikov, which is a sinful soul and all his crimes, have their punishments
Overall BSD Fyodor is very detached from the real life inspiration of his ability.
The bigger instances are:
1. Dostoevsky's pure LOVE for children..
In real life, Fyodor loved children unconditionally.
BSD Fyodor has said he wishes mercy upon children, however he has yet to give it, having killed multiple children.
This is an absolutely glaring contrast:
"Love children especially, for they too are sinless like the angels; they live to soften and purify our hearts and, as it were, to guide us."
Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
2. The real life Fyodor considered intelligence and overall intellect to be inefficient in defining a person or making decisions.
As for BSD Fyodor, his intellect defines him. As he was presented, he does not match his intelligence neither physically, in emotional awareness nor morals.
"It takes something more than intelligence to act intelligently."
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment
"You can be sincere and still be stupid."
Fyodor Dostoevsky
"It is not the brains that matter most, but that which guides them — the character, the heart, generous qualities, progressive ideas."
Fyodor Dostoevsky
3. The real life Fyodor., believed wholeheartedly in love.
"Love the animals, love the plants, love everything. If you love everything, you will perceive the divine mystery in things. Once you perceive it, you will  begin to comprehend it better every day. And you will come at last to love the whole world with an all-embracing love."
Fyodor Dostoyevsky
"What is hell? I maintain that it is the suffering of being unable to love."
Fyodor Dostoevsky, The Brothers Karamazov
Even going as far as tying it directly to his religious beliefs.
Fyodor was a devoted Orthodox Christian in his life- hence love and its nature was holy in his eyes and he goes into expressing this.
Furthermore, Dostoevsky displayed no God complex. He sustained religious theories and philosophies however he did not believe himself to be God.
He actually hypothesized that IF indeed there were to be no God, every single human would be their own God. Which cancels BSD Fyodor's egotistical illusions of grandeur.
"If you want to overcome the whole world, overcome yourself."
-Fyodor Mikhailovici Dostoevsky
The real life Fyodor -
Didn't condemn suffering.
In the actual Crime and Punishment he displayed how he was at terms suffering isn't something to be rid of
BSD Fyodor wants to rid the world of sinners and suffering
"Pain and suffering are always inevitable for a large intelligence and a deep heart."
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Crime and Punishment
"I could not become anything; neither good nor bad; neither a scoundrel nor an honest man; neither a hero nor an insect. And now I am eking out my days in my corner, taunting myself with the bitter and entirely useless consolation that an intelligent man cannot seriously become anything, that only a fool can become something"
The writers took the God complex from his book "Demons".
Where he presented his beliefs in a dialogue
However what he says here differs in essence from the BSD portrayal drastically
"If there is God, then the will is all his, and I cannot get out of his will. If not, the will is all mine, and it is my duty to proclaim self-will."
"Self-will? And why is it your duty?"
"Because the will has all become mine. Can it be that no one on the whole planet, having ended God and believed in self-will, dares to proclaim self-will to the fullest point? It's as if a poor man received an inheritance, got scared, and doesn't dare go near the bag, thinking he's too weak to own it. I want to proclaim self-will. I may be the only one, but I'll do it.
"Do it, then."
"It is my duty to shoot myself because the fullest point of my self-will is--for me to kill myself...to kill someone else would be the lowest point of my self-will, and there's the whole of you in that. I am not you: I want the highest point, and will kill myself...It is my duty to proclaim unbelief," Kirillow was pacing the room. "For me no idea is higher than that there is no God. The history of mankind is on my side. Man has done nothing but invent God, so as to live without killing himself; in that lies the whole of world history up to now. I alone for the first time in world history did not want to invent God. Let them know once and for all."
Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Demons
Following this narrative, BSD Fyodor should kill no one. Hence it is the "lowest point of self will". 
Contradicting with his real life counterpart.
-thank you :) - Nix
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