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#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou
savage-rhi · 7 months
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I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.
#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to#place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like#LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee#so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of#people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take#a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM)#the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore#ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team#but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up#graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made#my adhd brain go WELL SHIT#ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do#love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving#people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt#but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel#amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou#life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i#just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive#but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present#and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now#on a positive note...#my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made#a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little#im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor#i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it#but damn it im tired#thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave#if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you#please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you
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lostinforestbound · 25 days
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I literally cannot control myself so here's a part two! Some of these were inspired by @graysparrowao3's response to my questions! Please go check them out if you haven't already, they're an amazing writer!
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General Lia and Cal Headcannons Part 2
Lia
While she may be on the thinner side, she definitely has a toned body. You need a lot of strength to even pull back the string of a good bow, so I imagine she would have definitely shoulder, back, and arm muscles popping out.
When Lia is scared, it comes out as anger. It could be mistaken as fearlessness, especially with the way she snapped at the Warden. She was terrified when stuck in Moonrise; where was Rolan? Did he make it out okay? Is he even alive? What if these cultists take Cal away from her? She has never been more terrified in her life than those moments, not even in the Descent.
I think she would have physically fought Rolan at least once. Not to extreme harm! More like a sibling dispute (grabbing, shoving, yanking on hair, etc). She would never go as far as pinching his ears or stepping on his tail though.
For a while after their mother died, Lia had a period where she was extremely bitter. At first she cried quite a bit in Rolan's arms, but then she started snapping at him. Part of the change of attitude was thinking Rolan moved on too quickly (he didn't). This is where their arguments first began.
For once in her life, Lia wants to feel safe. She's had nightmares about her throat getting slit, of waking up with her brothers being dead. She has a good handle on them most nights, and its easy to go back to sleep. However, some nights are so bad she ends up going into either Cal's or Rolan's room to cuddle and sleep.
Once in a while, Lia will buy herself flowers. She doesn't know why she does this, but it makes her feel nice, so why not? She loves plants either way, and will probably keep them in her room to take care of. (I feel like she's the type to own cacti! And maybe threaten Rolan with said cacti)
Lia is definitely on the "tough love" side when it comes to comforting others. Sometimes it can be received well but other times it doesn't. It definitely doesn't work with Cal most days, but it can certainly work with Rolan.
Sometimes Lia genuinely fears she hates Rolan. She knows in her heart she doesn't at all, she loves her brother to death, but some fights with him can get bad and she gets very close to saying that she hates him. She has never told anyone this, and she never will.
She's big on words of affirmation to whoever her lucky partner is! And she's definitely the type to bring flowers on a first date, and she knows about flower language! Not a lot of it, but definitely the basics. She wouldn't bring a whole bouquet, more like a small bundle. (I think she would give White Camellia's! Which, if I remember correctly, practically means "You're Adorable")
She knows Cal admires Rolan more. She doesn't blame him, Rolan is amazing in many different ways. But there's some unsolved resentment that she feels towards that fact. Why doesn't Cal admire her in the way he admires Rolan? Did she do something wrong? This is something she will take to her grave.
Cal
Cal's character sheet shows he has a 16 strength, so he's pretty damn strong. I would also say he's pretty toned, but would have a soft middle area, which is perfect for cuddling to his lucky partner.
I think Cal is deeply traumatized by the Descent, but he feels as though he can't talk about it because Rolan and Lia refuse to themselves (they both are traumatized too). It was horrifying, watching people turn on them and seeing devils and monsters stalk the streets. It was hurtful, being completely exiled after they were finally safe. Can they all please sit down and talk about it, no matter how painful? This goes the same for Moonrise.
He got so used to being Lia and Rolan's emotional anchor that he often forgets he needs that same support; it isn't about him. When someone finally listens to him completely he's never felt so euphoric. Finally!
To add to the previous point, he feels as though he isn't trusted enough by those two. He's not sure if it's because he's the youngest, but he doesn't appreciate it at all.
Cal is absolutely a stress-baker. Anytime he's not handling stress well, he will bake. And I mean bake. He will spend hours baking multiple treats to give himself something to do, and it does genuinely help him feel better. (This could apply to cooking depending on the ingredients they have available in the tower)
I feel as though Cal is very close to snapping at the other two. Like, genuinely yelling and being pissed with them! He's been dealing with their bickering for a very long time now, and it only got worse after what they've been through. For once, can they consider his damn feelings about everything?
When comforting anyone, depending on the relationship, he can be very touchy. A hand on the shoulder, giving a hug, or keeping close is his go-to. Of course this will depend on the person, he'll respect boundaries if they don't like touch or just don't want it.
I think Cal's love language is gift giving for his lucky partner! He would either bake a sweet, get some flowers with the help of Lia, bring something he cooked, or buy something that they were eyeing on a date. He's very shy about it in the beginning, but over time he would build more confidence.
He loves Lia to death, but sometimes he thinks she can be too harsh. He understands where her anger can stem from in the moment, but her resorting to insults and purposefully provoking Rolan? How is that productive? It doesn't help the problem, it makes it worse. But as always, he isn't really listened to.
The first thing Cal would do in Baldur's gate is just sleep. A deep sleep that he desperately needed for a while. Rolan will go to his new apprenticeship, Lia would go find some work, all the while Cal will sleep for 16 hours. He's certainly groggy the next day, but he knows he needed that to start fresh.
Extras (Feat. Rolan)
These three haven't talked about Moonrise much. They haven't had the time to, or time to process the events. They literally saw someone get their eyes removed and tongue cut out. They saw people who they were traveling with get slaughtered left and right. They all need to go to therapy.
When they finally all move into the tower, the first night, they insist on sleeping in the same bed as Rolan. Just like when they were little. After everything, they wanted to make sure Rolan was okay (they know full well he isn't). This is the first night in a while that Rolan isn't plagued by nightmares.
The three of them have trouble adjusting to their new normal. Suddenly having a permanent home so big throws them off their game. They weren't traveling for very long, but they went through so much that having somewhere safe to stay has them reeling. They had no idea what to do first, but they figure it out together.
They absolutely would both help Rolan through panic/anxiety attacks, no matter the situation. At night after a night terror? They're already in the room with water and extra blankets. In a middle of a fight? Fuck the argument, they'll put it on pause and deal with it later. Rolan does not have attacks often, but when they do happen, they help him every time. Does it scare them? Of course it does, they never want to see their brother hurting like that.
Cal and Rolan take turns making meals for the three of them. Lia doesn't cook much so she helps out by washing dishes and setting the table up. She'll go as far as prepping ingredients as well if they're making a bigger meal.
They all don't like the cold. Tieflings run hot, but the cold doesn't bring too many good memories, especially for Rolan. When it became just the three of them after their mothers death, the colder months were much harder to deal with. There wasn't as much food available, prices of wooden logs grew higher, and they didn't have a lot of money to celebrate the winter holidays to their fullest extent. Though the winter months become more bearable when they settle in Baldur's gate, finally comfortable.
They have "sleepovers" once in a while, where they all sleep in the same room! Life gets busy, so occasionally, they gather in the biggest room and spend the night together. Cal makes his best sweets, Lia sets up a blanket and pillow fort, and Rolan gives the best light show he can muster. They all look forward to these nights because it's so special to them. A tradition they hope to keep forever.
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So I just finished Good Omens recently and I have a couple things to say and my family and friends are so done with my rants about different movies and TV shows.
1: Holy shit that was a good show! I honestly didn't expect much from the show but holy shit it blew me away with how good it was. It was comedic and I found myself laughing so much and it was so beautifully written the characters are just top tier amazing and wow what I'd give to just continuously rewatch it as if it's my first time watching it.
2: I watched supernatural and I thought wow never gonna find another show like this. One that brings me joy and sadness then I found this fucking wonderful amazing show! AND it made me even more sad like what the fuck how do I keep coming across shows that cause me so much fucking pain. Also can we talk about the parallels between the two shows. Oh look two characters working together to stop the end of the world one a demon and one's an angel, counting Dean a demon solely for this post plus demon Dean did exist, both are oh so obviously in love with each other but neither will admit it, most of the angels are dicks and we all hate metatron, there's a demon named Crowley and many more. I mean look at the similarities between Dean and Crowley. Both are in love with their angel best friend, both are absolutely in love with their car, love classic rock, both are some sassy bitches, both don't want to show their emotions but are big softies, and are both the better looking person in the couple (in my opinion). Then look at the similarities between Aziraphale and Crowley. Both are angels in trench coats who are in love with their best friend, they are manipulated, complicated, traumatized, beautiful angels, both have trouble understanding (some) human expressions, and both struggle with their loyalty to heaven. Also, is it just me or does the first like 10 seconds of End Titles- the one that got left in the car from Good Omens kinda sound like it could be a beginning to a Supernatural opening credits or is it just me?
3: My God David Tennant is FINE like I've seen his face sometimes haven't really seen him in much and was like ok yeah he's attractive and moved on. But then I saw him in this and I'm like wow now I get what everyone's talking about. Like just ahhh this man is fucking attractive! I'm honestly ashamed of myself for taking so long to realize.
4: So TikTok in all its wonderfulness blessed/cursed me with a bunch of Good Omens content the day after I finished watching good Omens. Including a looooooooot of people cosplaying as Crowley. And may I just say the people who cosplay him are fine as fuck! I mean it's really hard to dress up as Crowley and not look attractive I mean Crowley is a style icon. But holy shit the people are so fucking good looking like I just can't. My sexuality does a nose dive off the empire state building when looking at them. I was talking to a friend about it and she said it's a case of wanting to be with them or be them and I disagree. I want to be with them all. Just holy shit you want to look good dress like Crowley you'll look fantastic.
5: The effect this show has had on my life is insane. I have been obsessed with listening to Queen since I finished the show. Which I'm not complaining about at all they were my favorite and still are my favorite band before I even watched the show. I have barely listened to something that wasn't Queen or songs from the show since I binge watched the show. I'm listening to another one bites the dust while typing this. Once again not complaining. Also, did anyone else want to dye their hair like Crowley's when they finished the show? Cause I do. I have been blonde my whole life and never wanted to change it and now I want it red. And I need to know if I'm alone in this or not to determine how alarmed I should be.
6: They had no right making the relationship of Crowley and Aziraphale they way they did. First they made them friends who obviously were in love with each other but hid it then they give us them acting basically as a married couple being so fucking adorable and me just wanting the type of love they have for them to give us that ending of season two! I'm not gonna lie if my dad wasn't up and calmed me down I either would've spontaneously combusted from my literally shaking anger or went on a spree. Not sure what type of spree but a spree of some kind.
7: How all of you wonderful people didn't riot or harm Neil Gaiman is beyond me. First when season 1 ended y'all had to wait 2 years to even get a green light that there was gonna be a season 2 and then another 2 for it to finally come out. And then for the season final of season 2 to happen where then you had to wait even longer for season 3 to be greenlight is just you all have a greater will power than me. I'm coming into this with two seasons and a third confirmed so a round of applause to y'all. And now I completely understand why I kept hearing people say they hated Neil Gaiman and stuff like that.
And finally on a somewhat unrelated note I'm planning to watch Doctor who since I'm about to finish another show where can I find it and what order do I watch it in? I've heard many different answers on the order.
Thanks everyone for coming to my rant y'all are wonderful and everyone have a wonderful day!<3
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eldritch-spouse · 8 months
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The Clergy’s Eye employees/monsters ranked on how much I’d trust them to watch my cat Emma! I apologize if I misspell names or if I forget someone
For context: I wouldn’t be the Admin, and personality wise Emma is sorta like a dog. She actually likes playing in water, and she follows me around a lot. She is a hunter though
TLDR to start off
NO: Vinnel, Magus+Glauk, Krulu, Sybastian, Hellion
Its not that I don’t trust them, it’s that I don’t trust her: Morrel, Patches, The Bobbles (excluding Agner), The Cleric, Colmei, Gallon
Sure, why not?: Agner, Santi, Pebbles, Nebul
The best options: Fank-E, Grimbly, Belo
Now for specific reasonings!
Vinnel: Whether or not Vinnel is good at it, doesn’t matter (though I doubt he’d be great) I’m sorry Pinnie, I just hate Vinnel and want to spend as little time around him as possible
Magus and Glauk: Do I even need to explain? I mean she likes water but come on. I’d be better off leaving her to fend for herself
Krulu: He’d likely thing the task “beneath him” Unlike the previous ranking, though, I would consider him if he was the only option.
Sybastian: Sorta between “NO” and “Not that I don’t trust them, I don’t trust her” in that I don’t think he’d be all that good at caring for her needs, but also she might try and hunt the mimiclings which NOBODY wants to see the aftermath of.
Hellion: Yeah no I just don’t trust him
Morrel: I think he’d have enough self control to not do anything bad to her, but Emma? Listen she’s not a very bitey cat but you can never be too sure. And she is MUCH more likely to break skin than a human. Even if she doesn’t bite him and get poisoned, she’d still mess with the bobbles and knock over stuff in the kitchen and steal food. I care about Emma too much and I respect Morrel too much to put her in his care.
Patches: She’d just get in the way. Best case scenario she’d be sleeping in a spare pumpkin but let’s be honest she’s probably tormenting the bobbles.
Speaking of Bobbles..: No. She’d try and kill them.
The Cleric: They have bigger things to focus on. Plus she’d probably get tangled in the strings soo..
Colmei: If it weren’t for the bees, he’d go in the “Sure, why not?” category. But Emma HAS stuck her paw down a hornet nest before. Don’t trust her.
Gallon: She’d be a menace. Knocking over bottles, getting cat hair everywhere, stealing sips from drinks, getting caught in the goop a couple times. Not a fun experience and I respect Gallon too much for that.
Agner: Nothing notable to say! I think he’d do a decent job.
Santi: As long as he’d not feeding (don’t want to traumatize her or have him and whoever he’s fucking get stared at by a cat) I think he could do a good job!
Pebbles: Nothing notable to say, once again. I think it’d be cute though.
Nebul: Long as he can keep her chill and away from the products, I think it’d turn out well. Maybe he’d had to tell Purpur to be careful with her though. Give the “pets for sale” a little serotonin to brighten their day.
Fank-E: Omg I would get SO MANY cute silly pictures by the end of it!!! Probably make like ten more viral memes with her, get her internet famous. I would have to make sure he doesn’t dye her pink or something though.
Grimbly: I think he would LOVE her, as long as he’s on break. Pretty bows and glitter galore. Just uh, try not to get TOO much glitter on her, don’t want her to get sick. Maybe make it edible glitter for when she grooms her fur.
Belo: The best of the best and my first choice! I mean, cuddling with an angel already has to be an amazing experience, but a FLUFFY ANGEL? I think he would be determined to take good care of her too! Plus, they say cats can sense vibes, and I mean, considering everyone else Belo probably would have half decent vibes.
So that’s my ranking! Signing off
- Spooky Anon 🕸️
To be fair, I agree with most of these too.
Except Pebble and Fank-e, for similar reasons.
Pebble is too nervous. Animals sense that nervous energy and they generally don't like it. I think your cat may react aggressively or negatively in general based on that. And, at the first hint of aggression, Pebble is putting distance between himself and the feline. He might even lose her.
Fank-e is an animal repellent. He's very LOUD, makes odd sounds, probably smells like all sorts of artificial products that are awful to a cat's nose, and he's hyper. He'd love to spend time with your cat, but to her, he's probably the equivalent of a blaring alarm on two legs.
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cloudinterlude · 1 year
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There's a certain tone that bleeds into a lot of MCU fanfiction when talking about Steve's defrosting into the new century and it's bothersome. It's like people don't fully understand why he didn't have to be grateful for being in modern times. There's a serious lack of empathy and it always ends up with some other character ranting to Steve about how he needs to suck it up and move on if he wants to get anywhere in life and somehow that motivates Steve to...realize he was the only one being an asshole and learning to love the current world?
Yeah no.
I've read one (1) - and isn't to say other stories I like got it wrong bc I've certainly read others that are also great - but I've read ONE fanfiction that describes Steve's situation perfectly (in such a meaningful way) and it literally blew my mind when I read it because it was so good to ME.
"Ain't no Grave" by spitandvinegar was amazing. Mind you, I'm not a really Stucky shipper in any capacity (like I see the vision but don't feel it yknow?), but I'm a sucker for satisfying Steve characterization so I inhaled this fic. And y'all...this author did his character justice. It's not even a Steve-centric story! Which made me even more amazed (that the author got him so right) and even more annoyed (that so many people get him so wrong and end up bashing him). I quote the paragraph below but I urge you to read the fic if you're interested!
Like listen, listen. Imagine you live in this country, right? And there's a brutal war, and you witness and maybe participate in a horrific amount of violence, and you lose absolutely everyone you care about. Then you end up in this other country, where the culture and ways of doing things are completely foreign to you, and random assholes make fun of you for how you dress and act and talk while you're still coming to grips with the fact that everyone you love is gone and you can never go home again. Meanwhile, everyone around you is like "smile, motherfucker, you're in the Land of Plenty now, where there's a Starbucks on every corner and 500 channels on TV. You should be grateful! Why aren't you acting more grateful?" So you have to pretend to be grateful while you're dying inside. Sound like an traumatized, orphaned refugee? Also sounds like Steve fucking Rogers, Captain Goddamn America. Except that most refugees were part of a community of other people who were going through the same thing. Steve is all alone, the last damn unicorn, if the last unicorn had horrible screaming nightmares about the time when it helped to liberate Buchenwald.
AMAZING RIGHT? It was very satisfying to read the first time around. Even more satisfying that this was coming from Sam's POV which was just a lovely decision.
Anyways!
This little rant isn't even coming from a place of superiority. I know characterization can be difficult, and it's not so much about the quality rather than the fundamental misunderstanding of Steve's character that makes it obvious that either the author doesn't care enough to try to empathize with him, 2) They're using Steve to prop up some other character or 3) They watched his trilogy with their eyes closed and called it a day.
This post has gotten too long so thats all I'll say for now!
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galaxythreads · 2 months
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The live action ATLA is amazing. 9.5/10. I didn't love everything about it, but there are so so so so many good parts and I'm so glad that Netflix decided to make this. I've seen a lot of weird criticism from long time fans and maybe I just haven't been in the fandom long enough, but. I absolutely think it's worth giving a watch if you go in with a semi blank slate. The Netlfix series is not trying to be an exact scene by scene remake of the show.
The thing about it that you have to remember when you go in is that they said they were going to change the tone of the show, and they did, and it works! It's not the same. It's not a comedy. It's funny, but it's not a comedy. Character motivations were changed to fit the darker theme. It's using Avatar as source material and intends to be an adaption, not a reconstruction of the series.
Katara is much more traumatized about her mom's death, which made sense! She was murdered in front of her. She's afraid to take on a maternal role because of that. She's quieter and softer because she's afraid and she's healing from her mother's murder. Katara in the series made sense, too, but I feel like someone looked at her and went! Wait. Smol child is maybe...not okay??? I have faith they will build her up as the seasons progress if they continue.
Hakoda is disappointed in Sokka barely passing his trial. Makes sense! They're at war! Sokka has to take care of the village, of course Hakoda has high expectations for him. And the thing is--Hakoda still trusted Sokka with the responsibility of the village anyway, so his disappointment in Sokka's trial didn't stop his faith in his son. And honestly, I think it's fine that Hakoda is not a perfect parent who never makes mistakes. Parents rant about their kids to their friends all the time. It's healthy because they're not doing it in front of, or to, their kid. Hakoda didn't know Sokka was listening. So. Idk. Sokka doesn't go through his misogyny is bad actually arc, and while I missed it, I thought he functioned really well in this story without it. And for the record!!!! Sokka STILL makes stupid jokes the entire season. He didn't lose his sense of humor.
Aang feeling so much guilt about leaving? Yep! I can vibe with that. I missed his innocence and playfulness, but I feel like this wasn't a bad take on the character either. He was still playful, but in the world they live in, it would make sense that he feels terrible for leaving. And everyone they encounter takes it upon them to rub it in his face so why wouldn't he feel bad or out of place?? Especially after Bumi. Everyone says he needs to face this alone, and Aang learning that he doesn't have to?? Powerful!! Is it the same arc as s1 of the show? No! It's not supposed to be!
Zuko's actor was perfectly cast. That boy IS Zuko. The scence at the end of e6 made me cry because it was so powerful with the 41st, and that felt so EARNED after episodes of watching Zuko's crew despise him to suddenly realizing the only reason they're alive is because of him and realizing it's an honor to shelter him. Zuko drawing Aang to pin him on his disaster wall was amazing. Him getting hit by some random woman for attacking Aang? Amazing. Him sitting next to Iroh during Lu Ten's funeral? So soft. The Agni Kai really rubbed people the wrong way, but I think it was interesting that they decided to have Zuko showing compassion be the root of Ozai's anger. He showed compassion to the 41st, he shows compassion to his father, and when Ozai has defeated him, he has him on the ground and could walk away, and he chooses to burn his face. It's not exactly the same as the show, but again, it's not intending to be.
Azula being here was interesting. I don't know if I loved Zhao being incapable of doing anything without her, but it works for what it is. Zhao is intended to be annoying and he was! So. 10/10. She cried when Zuko got his scar! Ozai playing the long hand of terrible abusive tactics made me want to bite him. Because Ozai doesn't care about Zuko. He uh. Made that pretty clear when he banished him and then at the end when he's explicitly told Zuko might have died at Agna Qel'a and he's like ????????? Am I supposed to care??? We've gotten rid of weakness. So??? Like he used Zuko to force Azula to become more ruthless. He used Zuko to shape her. I do hope we get more exploration of Ty Lee and Mai so they aren't Faceless Blorb Friends, but I just don't think there was really time in s1.
The parts they chose to remove and add into the story was interesting. You got to explore the story for the first time again. I definitely think both versions have merit and are deeply enjoyable, I just don't think you should go in expecting it to be exactly the same thing? I was happy to see a new take on the story, but that might be because I knew that it was going to be darker and the characters would adapt to that. I do hope we can get more of the vibe of the show's humor in season 2 if we get season 2, and Katara feels little more like her show-counter part because I missed her, but honestly, I do recommend to a friend.
Or at the very least, if you absolutely refuse to watch it, PLEASE go watch the last 1/2 of episode 6 with Zuko and the 41st because I CANNOT.
+THEY ACTUALLY PRONOUCED EVERYONE'S NAMES CORRECTLY #bareMinimumAward
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doberbutts · 3 months
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Does the way people talk about trans men ever weigh you down mentally? As a trans guy its become really hard latley to see some of the things people in our very own community say about us. I literally saw a post made by another trans person implying all trans guys are abusive and coercive. And it really hurt so bad. Like i cant just be me or else im just inherently wrong. Like i just want to be me, why am i seen as evil just cause now im a man. And when i point this out why do i have to be seen as a bad person for having a voice because now that im a man im equated to a cis man. Its hard being so beaten down and traumatized before i transitioned dealing with a lot of sexist abuse because of being a "girl" and growing up in a extremely sexist environment where my body was entirely controlled, to then when i transitioned i felt i was suddenly the evil one just because i look like a man. Honestly it makes me suicidal sometimes and i worry about other trans guys too and how they feel having to see so much hate, and also knowing how isolated we are and how high are suicide rates are. I just wish people would be compassionate and empathetic and just LISTEN to us for once
It does bother me, and it makes me sad and tired, and like I don't want to be part of whatever community I'm seeing it come from.
Thankfully, I have a nice group of friends who come from pretty diverse backgrounds. Trans people of so many genders. Different races, different sexualities. Cis allies and gnc people with whom I can just be me. Some of us are disabled and some of us are not. We speak different languages and have different interests but we bring vibrancy and joy to each other's lives. And I think having this network of people who I can just be myself with and not have to worry about any of the infighting nonsense is wonderful, because whenever I see something that really bums me out I can just think of how amazing my friends are that I never have to hear this stuff from them.
There are good people out there, who will love you not in spite of but because you are you. It may take some time to find them. The past 6 years I've done a lot of looking and had a few swings and misses but overall I am so happy to have the people I have in my life. I would have killed for this opportunity as a youngster.
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desceros · 3 months
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hi sam!! kind of a different request, but would you list as many of your favorite orchestral pieces as you can? association with turtles v welcome but also optional! i have trouble doing my coursework because i can't listen to anything in the background while doing it (shows, music with lyrics), but i listened to scheherazade because of you and really loved it, plus got some work done to boot!! i'm not sure where to start in looking for more music like that so i thought i'd ask you. :)
oohhhh what a FUN ask, thank you so much!! i promise i am going to TRY to be REASONABLE with how much i talk about this. if i really did mention "as many as i could" i think i'd find out if tumblr has a character limit in text posts, hahaha!
so my favorite symphony of ALL TIME is symphony 9 by dvorak. absolute must-listen. my favorite moment of the entire piece (which you HAVE to listen to the entire thing to get REALLY feral about) is the last huge chord progression in the fourth movement that takes the db major brass chords from the second movement and puts it to the BOMBASTIC TYMPANI EB MINOR EXTRAVAGANZA from the first movement and makes me want to CHEW THROUGH BEDROCK, RAHHH
aside from that, here are a few that i love a lot and totes recommend:
all of scheherezade is, of course, absolutely stunning. it's one of my favorite pieces of all time. if you haven't listened to the other movements, i highly recommend! in this same vein is you liked that are pieces like the stepps by borodin, the polovstian dances (also borodin), marche slav by tchaikovsky, and to some extent saint-saens piano concerto no. 5 has some similar themes, particularly in the absolutely DELICIOUS second movement. it's called "orientalism" and while the, uh, intent has a history of. to say generously. problematic undertones. the pieces themselves are lovely.
russian easter overture by rimsky korsakov. i played this one in high school and man. it's just so FUN and PRETTY.
symphonie fantastique by hector berlioz. it's the story of this dude having a really bad acid trip. no i'm not kidding. also the fifth movement has the dies irie in my favorite iteration ever. eat your heart out, mozart.
...actually just literally anything by tchaikovsky. gun to my head, i'd say he's my favorite classical composer. i'm partial to his ballet work because that's what i played a lot of personally, but his overtures and concertos are quite fun. his romeo and juliet overture is extremely famous (though i personally vastly prefer the opening part over the latter, more famous part). every violinist you ever meet will be traumatized by him, though. so do be careful.
speaking of concertos: my favorite (ugh. i'm a traitor) is probably the barber violin concerto. it just has this. cinematic vibe to it that makes me think of something magical.
(....though the elgar cello concerto and the grieg piano concerto may have something to say about this.)
the planets suite by holst is very fun. you've probably heard mars, and you may recall the romance theme from jupiter if you've seen the movie braveheart. it's one of those mainstream pieces most people have heard. my particular favorite movement is uranus. it's so bouncy and fun!!! classical headbanger music here
beethoven is quite fun to listen to. for his orchestral work, i'm partial to symphony no. 5 since that was the first one i played and the drama of it is enthralling. (yes. i think it's better than nine. sue me.). that said, between you and me, i like the egmont overture better than his symphonies. that low open c on the viola is just so god damned juicy—[door bangs open] OH NO. IT'S THE PRETENTIOUS POLICE. THEY FOUND ME
i'll stop there. these are a few symphonic pieces, since you asked for those specifically. i also really love chamber music (which is just the strings section, sans the woodwinds/brass/percussion/etc), but i find those amazing to listen to as well! anywho i hope you enjoy some slash all of these and good luck with your studies!!
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samwpmarleau · 11 months
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genuinely wanting someone who hated the james tartt sr. story to explain (not putting u on the spot, others feel free to weigh in!) — in what way is showing a character has chosen to go to rehab & smiling once = redeeming that character ?
i literally feel like people complaining about sr’s “redemption arc” are watching a different show than i am…. having qualms is valid but i don’t think redemption is what anyone was going for here.
Requisite disclaimer that this is just my opinion. Others may have their own.
Putting this under a cut because it's long.
I don't think he was redeemed — in my eyes, he's way beyond redemption — but I think the show clearly wants us to view him as such. Which is an issue because there's absolutely no foundation for it. The last we saw of James, he was humiliating his son in front of the entire team and, had it not been for Beard (whom James later tried to murder, let's not forget), would have assaulted him. Since then, while we hadn't seen James, we'd heard a story of him: Jamie tells us that when he was 14, James facilitated his rape via a prostitute in a foreign country, which traumatized Jamie so badly that he doesn't even remember the encounter.
To say nothing of the other things we've learned and seen:
Throwing a boot at Jamie's head
Laying into him for having the audacity to score merely the winning assist rather than the winning goal
Constantly calling Jamie soft if he didn't dominate, thereby forcing Jamie to put up walls to protect himself
Impregnating Georgie when she was 16 (let's really hope it was a short relationship because oh wait, the age of consent in England is 16 so if they were in a relationship any earlier, James would be a statutory rapist twice over)
Abandoning her and Jamie shortly after Jamie was born
Many many more things we're not privy to
James is a piece of shit, to put it mildly. That's what they told and showed us throughout the first 33 episodes of the show. The incident at Wembley, and James in general, hadn't so much as been mentioned since it happened, not even in the episode in which they played Man City, let alone hints that James suddenly had a come-to-jesus moment.
Then we get to 3x11, and Jamie is having an identity crisis and two near-panic attacks — one of which causes him to faint — because he's spent half his life doing what he did out of anger at his father and to prove himself, and he now has to face what happens when those motivators are no longer there.
He goes to his mother for comfort and advice, which she gives to him, and it's great advice! She tells him that he's an amazing person, that his worth isn't derived from his father, and that James isn't going to change so Jamie shouldn't be torturing himself with hope. All of that coincides with everything we'd seen up until then, and is headed for a sad but important message: sometimes people don't change. Sometimes people won't love you or give you their approval. Sometimes you do need to cut ties with someone, even if that someone is your parent. It's okay to not forgive them or come to a nice rosy conclusion with them, and that you can move on without doing so.
And what does the show do? It has Ted — Ted who is projecting like hell, Ted who thinks every parental situation is the same, Ted who has absolutely no business butting in on something like this, Ted who has already given Jamie shitty advice before — telling him to "just forgive him." Which not only sets Jamie up for falling right back into James's abusive cycle but completely obliterates what Jamie's mother said. Instead of her experience and relevance leading to good advice, the show tells us she was wrong and heartless, that Ted is the one to listen to. Additionally, it tells us that Jamie can't be his best self unless he forgives and reconnects with James.
(Ted also frames this as Jamie letting go of his anger. Which is a rather strange thing to be a lightbulb moment for Jamie, considering that wasn't his problem. He himself said earlier in the episode that he feels so lost because he doesn't have that anger — he has indifference. Jamie didn't need a releasing of anger or forgiveness for his dad, he just needed clarity and guidance.)
Then, it shows us James in rehab. To which I say: since fucking when??? What had we seen or heard from James that would ever indicate he'd go to rehab? Worse, it shows us James nearly crying with pride and love for Jamie (oh, can't forget Denbo and Bug either and their "His dad would've been proud" nonsense). Since fucking when??? James has NEVER shown pride or love for Jamie. Jamie has only ever been a source of clout for him. FFS, he gleefully cheered against him at Wembley!
To say nothing of the fact that James's alcoholism was a symptom, not the disease. Alcoholism doesn't make you the sort of person to do all of the horrific things James did. It may have made things worse, but it didn't cause him to do them and getting clean doesn't magically make him into a good person as the show implies.
All of which I still would've hated but could have probably accepted, were it not for the text. Fine, have Jamie forgive him (ugh). Fine, have James in rehab (maybe I'll pretend it was court-mandated).
But then they have Jamie — Jamie who doesn't even know James is in rehab, the last memory he has is of 2x08 — actually reconnect. They even show that he's deleted the quotes he used to have around James's name in his phone. Jamie says it's "been awhile," that he hopes he's okay, and smiles after sending it. The implication being that he and James will reconcile and perpetuate the bullshit that family is family no matter how abusive they are and you can't not keep ties. What the fuck. Jamie should not have to do that, and the SHOW certainly should not present that message.
It's harmful, repulsive, puts Jamie in harm's way, and I really fucking hate it.
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starlightrows · 1 year
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10 — Gratitude
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Hiding In Plain Sight
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Pairing: Commander Wolffe x reader
Word Count: 4.5k
Warnings: Feelings of shame and guilt, catching feelings, fluff, oral sex (f receiving)
Summary: The squad gets some shore leave on the heels of your traumatic experience. Wolffe expresses his feelings, the only way he knows how
After you’ve recounted your story a second time to General Plo for the recording to be used as evidence, you feel incredibly drained now that the adrenaline has left your body. General Plo advises that you not return to your office for the time being, and that you not go anywhere on the base alone until Admiral Sarkany can be located and detained. And then he goes. Leaving you and Wolffe in silence.
He stands by the door for a moment, unsure of what to do now. He sits next to you on the bed a little stiffly. Then he gingerly puts his arm around your shoulders and leans his head over to rest on yours. The way you like to when he’s had a hard day. You accept his invitation and lean back onto his chest and sigh deeply. You wish he wasn’t wearing plastoid armor right now so you could feel his heartbeat. But this is nice.
“Want some good news?” He asks
“I need some good news” You say with a half hearted laugh
“Our leave request from eight months ago got approved. We have a full three days on Coruscant starting tomorrow morning” he tells you “I was planning to come tell you when you came in earlier”
“Immaculate timing” you joke “That actually sounds amazing… I know we just got back from medical leave and all, but some time away from here… I think that will help”
He nods against your head “You’ll be safer” That is also true. Admiral Sarkany can’t jump you in a hallway or slam you with work as retribution if you're off base and off duty. All of this shit can be dealt with later.
“I’ll call Rigga before we leave tomorrow and get a room at Silver Star for us” you say “Unless you have plans to be somewhere else”
He nudges you gently as if to say Oh come on!
“Call her later. Why don’t you relax and get some sleep” he sits up a bit, giving you more room to move. That actually does sound nice. You’ve been perpetually exhausted the last few days, a nap sounds really good.
“Will you lay down with me?” You ask hopefully
He gives you a wry smile and nods his head towards the bed, telling you lay down while I change clothes again
You move away from him and lay down on “your” side of the bed, while he strips off his armor and boots and gets into bed with you in just his black fatigues. He lays against your back and slips an arm around your waist. You do that thing he loves, a little shimmy or jiggle to settle yourself in followed by a deep breath before you doze off.
Wolffe feels better now that you’re not crying and hyperventilating. That was honestly a little horrifying to him. He’s never seen you cry before, certainly not like this. He’s seen fear in you before, this is a war after all. But he’s never seen that kind of terror in your eyes. Genuine fear of what might happen. But it’s more than that. The nagging pit in his stomach won’t let up. How many days did you say that this had been happening before it got this bad? Three? Four? Five even? Had you mentioned this earlier and he wasn’t listening? Could he have prevented this in some way?
He realizes it’s guilt. No, you hadn’t said anything about what was going on, because he never gave you the opportunity to do so. He isn’t the chatty or talkative type, and yet he had somehow managed to talk right over all you had been going through the past couple days. He wonders if you were intentionally not telling him about the Admiral’s disrespectful behavior. He wonders if you thought that he wouldn’t believe you or take you seriously. He wonders if you didn’t trust him.
He cuts himself off mid thought. You are being selfish, you miserable bastard. He chastised himself in his mind. She's been through enough today. He forces himself to push those thoughts away, into the back of his mind. Instead he closes his eyes and vows to get some sleep and deal with these feelings of guilt and insecurity later.
In the morning you wake up feeling better rested than you have in weeks, and your leave hasn’t even started yet. Wolffe is already awake when you sit up in bed, he’s doing up his boots and reading from a datapad.
“Working already?” You ask with a yawn
“Just making sure the boys know they’re off on leave too” he assures you “I’m leaving the datapad here”
“Good. I should probably go back to my room and get a bag together, and make that reservation at the hotel” You say, stretching as you get up
“Let me walk you to your quarters. We don’t need any trouble before our leave starts” he says with genuine concern in his voice. Wolffe can see your face fall when he says it.
“Oh… yeah. I suppose you’re right” you hadn’t exactly forgotten about what happened yesterday, but you had always felt safe on this base. It hurts to feel like that’s been taken away.
“Come on” he says “The sooner we get moving the sooner we can start our shore leave”
That does perk you up a little, so you quickly get dressed and leave his quarters. He escorts you back to your room with no issue, until you reach the door to your quarters where Slush is literally pacing.
“Oh thank the maker” He sighs in relief when he sees you and Wolffe coming down the hallway “What the fuck Doc?”
“What do you mean ‘what the fuck’?” you ask, confused as to why he’s been pacing at your door for presumably a long time
“What the hell happened yesterday? I’ve been trying to com you all day yesterday and all morning. No one has seen you since breakfast yesterday!” he explains
Suddenly it dawns on you that you’d run away from him yesterday with absolutely zero information regarding what happened, and left your com device in your office when you fled the scene.
“I… um” you aren’t sure how to start this explanation
“Go pack” Wolffe says “I’ll tell him while we go back to your office and get your com device”
“Yeah okay” you nod, not really wanting to go back to your office yet anyway
“Do not leave your quarters” he says lowly “And don’t open the door unless it’s me or Slush”
You nod in agreement, and close the door. You’re immensely grateful he’s taking this seriously and thinking of the things that seem to be slipping your mind. You shake off some of the lingering feelings of fear and guilt that hang over you when you think about yesterday. You have three full days to relax and spend time with Wolffe. That is a luxury you are seldom given. So you get to it, packing a bag for the next couple days.
Meanwhile Slush follows Wolffe through the corridors and hallways down to your office where they find your space a mess. The chair is clearly broken, all of your work materials and belongings on your desk have been thrown to the ground and broken as well. There’s a blood smear on the door frame.
“Okay… with all due respect Commander, you need to tell me what’s going on” Slush says, with no trace of his usual carefree and jovial tone
“Yesterday she told Admiral Sarkany to back off of her campaign and he took that as an opportunity to try to extort her for favors” Wolffe says with a nasty edge creeping into his voice with the last word “She made a different choice”
“What the hell did she do to him?” Slush asks looking around the room
“Crushed his windpipe, beat him over the back with her desk chair and effectively ended his career by exposing his actions to the General” Wolffe says, feeling a touch of pride at how you’ve handled the situation thus far. But it’s still undercut by those feelings of immense guilt and insecurity that just won’t leave him alone.
“Fuck… I knew she was going through it this week, but I didn’t know it was this bad” Slush says scratching at his stubble
“At least you knew something was going on” Wolffe says a little bitterly
“She didn’t tell you how tough working with him has been?” Slush asks, a little surprised
“Well, I knew that. We all know that. But she didn’t tell me…” he pauses “I just wish she had said something before, about how badly he was treating her. The inappropriate comments and the leering. Maybe I could have done something to protect her” Wolffe admits
“You tell her that?” Slush says, picking up the broken chair and setting it in the corner of the room and moving to start picking up the items that had been on your desk
“No” Wolffe replies, joining his brother in picking up the papers and pens from the floor
“Maybe you should” Slush shrugs “Commander, I know about the two of you. Maybe you need to let her know how you feel about all this and you want her to be able to talk to you about these things”
“When did you find out?” Wolffe asks, honestly surprised that Slush knew
“When you got injured. Didn’t mean to find out, didn’t suspect a thing until she thought she was about to lose you” Slush says
“Hmmm” Wolffe grumbles, something else you didn’t tell him “Doesn’t she need me to be… steadfast for her right now. Shoulder to cry on, that kind of thing?” Wolffe asks, a little irritated that Slush doesn’t seem to understand that he’s trying to be considerate of your feelings.
“Yeah, I’m sure she does. But she’s also gonna want to know that you want to know when things like this are happening. That she can trust you, ya know” Slush says tossing some broken things into the trash bin
Wolffe grumbles in response, knowing Slush is probably right.
“Just love on her a little this weekend, it’ll go a long way” Slush says, picking up your com device that had managed to slide under your desk. He hands the com device to Wolffe, pats his shoulder and leaves your office.
Wolffe stays there for a minute, leaning against the edge of your desk staring at the com device in his hand. How many times had he kissed you in this office? How many times had you sat here, sending him messages while he was stuck in borning war meetings to cheer him up? How many times had he opened your door and just stood there because you took his breath away?
Love on her a little Slush had said… Wolffe had an idea brewing in the back of his mind. Something he’d been wanting to do for you for a while.
He makes his way back to your quarters and knocks on the door. Once he verifies that it’s him, you open the door and step out wearing your civilian clothing and holding a duffle bag. He had nearly forgotten how much he loves seeing you in regular clothing. Jeans that fit just right. A comfortable sweater to keep you warm against the chill of Coruscant in autumn. It turns the corners of his lips up in a small smile.
“Ready?” you ask, locking the door behind you. He nods and walks with you down the halls to the main entrance point to the base where lots and lots of soldiers are waiting to check out of the base and start their shore leave.
“I never called Rigga” you say shrugging your shoulders in frustration with yourself upon realizing your mistake “I’ll be right back”
He nods and watches you walk away from him and the line of people waiting to check out. Wolffe hopes that you are able to get a room at Silver Star, selfishly because he really liked staying there with you the last time. Realistically because it’s the only nice establishment that will serve clones. But also because he knows that you had your heart set on it, and you really enjoy being there too.
You come back with a smile on your face and a spring in your step. A good sign. “She says that we can drop off our stuff with her but we won’t be able to check in until later. But we can have the same room we had last time!”
“Sounds good” he nods “You have plans for us already?”
“Just a couple” you admit “I have a couple places I want to take you to eat, and there’s a street market I figured we could walk around”
“Lead on Captain” he smiles
The line to check out for shore leave moves relatively quickly, and in no time you’re off the base and riding in a speeder cab towards Silver Star. Rigga is happy to take your bag and enthusiastically greets Wolffe again.
“Love your new look Commander” she comments clearly noticing the eye “Dashing and dangerous darling! You’d better be careful with this one” She tells you with a laugh. If it were anyone else, he might be annoyed. But Rigga has grown on him, and he knows she means the compliment genuinely.
Now that you’re not on base and no one knows who either of you are, you enjoy getting to hold his hand as you stroll through the street market. He thoroughly enjoys the aromatic and flavorful caf drink you buy for him from one of their vendors. He stops with you at any stall that catches your eye, and looks at things that interest him too. Many things you can explain to him what their intended purpose is, but he enjoys getting to hear the vendors and craftsmen describe their work to him as well.
He enjoys letting you lead during excursions like this. He’s noticed over time when you’re in a place you’ve been to before or you know a lot about you get excited to show him, or really anyone you’re with, the best parts of it. He loves it, all he has to do is hold your hand and follow where you go.
You purchase a plate of street food that seems to be exceptionally flat bread with shredded meat and some kind of chopped raw vegetables sprinkled on top. You drizzle sauce on his portion and assure him you’re sure he’ll love it. The sauce burns, but you’re right he does love it.
“This. This is my favorite food you’ve shown me so far” He says pointing down at the plate
“Then you have excellent taste” you laugh “I’ll add hot sauce to the list of things Wolffe loves”
He chuckles at that. He vaguely wonders if you actually have a running list of things he loves. It’s not something he thinks about often. Flavors or smells or things he likes or doesn’t like. Well, he knows he likes hot sauce now.
Afternoon stretches into evening, eventually it starts getting chilly and the sun starts to set. You walk a little closer next to him, partially for warmth and also just to be safe. This may be one of the upper levels of Coruscant, but that doesn’t mean it’s safe at night. You lead him back to Silver Star and head up to the room that’s ready for you now.
When you open the door to the room the smell of clean linen hits his nose. It is the same room the two of you stayed in before. You drop your duffel beside the bed, and work on taking off your shoes. He shucks off his own boots, and his remaining armor pieces. He stands by the window in just his fatigues, and gazes out at the city. After you’ve gotten your shoes off, you join him standing just behind him. You wrap your arms around him and rest your head between his shoulder blades.
The quiet stillness in the room is comforting. Even in private spaces on the base like yours or his quarters, your office, any of the many supply closets and empty barracks; there’s always noise. People walking on other levels of the base, ships taking off and landing, the never ending mechanical sounds that seem to just be part of existence in the GAR. But not here. The glass panes in the windows are thick and insulate the room from the sounds of the city, being on the corner you only have to share a wall with one other room and right now it’s completely quiet.
His hand settles over yours where it rests on his chest. There is no need for words right now. You both needed this break from the constant noise that fills your lives. This quiet and private time to just be together. Especially after the last few weeks. But as his mind lulls that nagging guilty feeling twists in his gut again. He makes an effort to push it back to the edges of his mind, now is not the time.
Instead, he turns around to face you and places a hand on your neck and jaw, cradling your face as he presses his lips to yours. You respond in kind, kissing him back and gently holding his arm. His tongue darts out, swiping your bottom lip and coaxing you to open for him. You indulge and part your lips, allowing him to kiss you more fully. He tilts his head and deepens the moment, giving the back of your neck the gentlest squeeze. That earns him a low moan from deep in your throat. On a normal night, a sound like that might drive him wild. But tonight, he has no intention of falling into normal habits when it comes to sex. Tonight he has other plans.
His lips migrate from yours and leave a trail of kisses up your jawline, down your neck and across your shoulder. He drags his lips back towards the hollow at the base of your neck and places a lingering kiss there. He traces a line back up with his nose until he reaches your lips once more.
He’s never been like this before. He’s kissed you in all kinds of ways. Intense, bruising and passionate kisses; playful, explorative, eager kisses; grateful kisses full of craving for validation. This is entirely different. This is gentle, seductive, reverent.
He takes a couple steps forward into you, gently guiding your steps backwards towards the bed behind you. When you feel the mattress touch the back of your thighs you sink down to sit and feel him bend down with you, never letting his lips leave your skin. His hands slip underneath your shirt, and caress your sides. Up and down over the skin that covers your waist and ribs. It’s slow, easy strokes up and down, a little higher each time until his thumbs are massaging your nipples through the material of your bra. You hum in appreciation, thoroughly enjoying his softer touches and hungry kisses.
He helps you take off your sweater and leans back just a bit to watch you take off your bra. You can see on his face, he likes watching you take your clothes off, the pleased smirk that pulls at his lips. The way his eyes can not be torn from your body. You indulge him, standing again to unbutton your jeans and turning away from him so you can lean down when you pull them off.
Your little strip tease is working, he can feel himself becoming more aroused by the minute, but he’s determined to stay focused on the matter at hand. Tonight has nothing to do with him, this is for you.
When you turn back around to face him, he’s there waiting, he puts a hand on your shoulder, another at your hip and his lips by your ear. “Lay back for me”
You give him a slightly questioning look, but don’t comment. Instead you sit on the bed and ease yourself down onto your back. He leans back over you, taking care to position himself in such a way that prevents you from taking the brunt of his bodyweight, but still holding you close as he slants his lips over yours to kiss you breathless.
His hands roam, his fingers flex to squeeze the soft flesh over your hip bones and pull at your panties. He tugs at your bottom lip with gentle teeth, before releasing you. You are absolutely floored. You were expecting another night of fast, fun, cathartic sex; this feels like something else entirely. And you are unsure how to handle it. He kisses down your neck, across the expanse of your chest… lingering at your sternum while he massages your breasts, before traveling down to the waistband of your panties.
Your breath hitches when he presses a kiss to your core, through your panties. Your reaction is instant. You feel warm and flushed from head to toe. He hooks his fingers into the waistband and pulls them down over your thighs and off your body entirely.
You shiver in anticipation, watching him shift back down to your already aroused sex. His hands slide up the back of your thighs to cup your ass cheeks in both hands, and to your surprise, lift you up off the bed just a couple of inches to meet his slightly parted lips.
His tongue pushes between your folds and licks up towards your clit. Up and down, up and down. Devilishly slow and tactful with how he flicks his tongue at the top of each stroke.
He listens. To every breath, every sound you make. At the top of one of his strokes he stops. He mouths at your clit, circling your sensitive bud and listening to your needy whimpers change. He keeps his attention there, flicking his tongue back and forth over your clit, sucking on it while feeling his mouth and chin get wet with your slick.
He changes it up, let’s your ass drop back to the bed and uses his hands to push your legs open wider to continue. He pushes your pussy lips back and admires the slick that’s starting to dribble from your hole.
He stays focused. Using his tongue to rapidly flick your clit. He groans into you, and returns to the broader up and down strokes but keeping them short so he never strays far from your pretty little clit.
You are a moaning mess. His tongue works wonders and you would do pretty much anything to prevent him from stopping.
Encouraged by your enthusiastic and increasingly more desperate moans, he picks up the pace. His mouth devours your clit, suckling and slurping at it, making the most explicit sounds of wet pleasure. His fingers work to hold your folds open for his mouth to work at you. The tip of his finger teases your hole, pressing in just slightly, aided by your slick.
You whine feeling him push in a little. You want it. You want everything. You want to cum. You just need a little more.
He doesn’t let up. He knows you’re close and he has no intention of withholding that from you. He presses his finger in a little deeper, just to the first knuckle and moves his tongue over your clit fast enough it feels like it’s actually vibrating!
Your groan of pleasure and shaking legs are all the proof he needs. He slows up, and just licks your clit up and down, wanting you to finish fully without being overstimulated. That white hot feeling of pleasure burns through you and you feel an explosive release of tension throughout your whole body. Your face is frozen in slack jawed ecstasy and your heart hammers in your chest.
Wolffe pulls his face away from your now dripping sex and kisses your your inner thighs while you come back down a bit. He feels entirely confident he did that right and you are wholeheartedly satisfied.
As you lay there catching your breath, he takes a minute to wipe off his face with the sleeve of his shirt and eventually just takes the whole thing off along with his pants. He settles himself down on the bed beside you with a soft groan.
You turn your head to face him, unable to help the dopey smile on your face “Holy shit… That was amazing, what brought that on?” You ask with a bit of a tease
For a moment he’s ready. Ready to tell you the truth about the guilt that’s been eroding his heart the last couple days. Ready to tell you how he really feels. But, it just doesn’t feel like the right time.
“Had a craving” he smirks
“Feel free to indulge whenever you’d like” you chuckle, rubbing at your eyes with the back of your hand.
He’s relieved you bought it. Not an untrue statement anyway. He’d never done that for you before, never actually done it to anyone before. And it was something that had been on his mind lately.
He noticed you suppress a yawn behind your hand. He turns over into his side “Come on, you need to get some sleep” he says warmly
“What about you?” You ask trying to force down get another yawn
“We’ve got time, remember?” He reminds you
“Mmmm” you hum, settling in closer to him “Are you sure?”
He pulls you in close and closes his eyes “I’m sure”
His skin is warm against yours, his chest rumbles when he speaks. It’s very relaxing and you are hard pressed to fight him on it. You have three whole days to enjoy with him, plenty of time to return the favor. With that comforting thought, sleep washes over you like a gentle wave of the ocean.
Wolffe on the other hand. Can not sleep. He had hoped that taking his time, spelling out his love for you with his actions, worshiping your body the way you deserved… would release the guilt that plagues him. Instead, it’s all bubbling up in his chest. Seeing you so soft in sleep, relaxed and pliant after cumming on his tongue, being warm and safe beside him; it’s too much.
He adjusts his head to rest snuggly over yours, and rubs your back mindlessly. “I never meant to shut you out” he whispers into the darkness “I never want you to think I won’t take you seriously when something’s wrong. I would have done anything to protect you from that”
Your breathing remains deep and even, completely asleep and unaware of Wolffe’s confessions.
“I hate myself for feeling guilty. Nothing happened to me. You cried in my arms and told me your fear was being court martialed or transferred away. And I sat there feeling sorry for myself for not being a good enough partner for you” he swallows hard, saying it out aloud even though nobody can hear it is still a hard thing to do “You deserve everything. You deserve someone who listens when you’re scared or sad or whatever… I promise… I promise I will be better for you. I won’t ever let something like this happen again”
You let out a deep breath in your sleep and shift just a little. He feels remarkably better, like some of the weight has been lifted off his chest. But he knows it is a temporary fix. In the morning, he’ll man up and have actual conversation with you about everything. Because you deserve that. And he wants to be someone you deserve.
Tag List:
@maulslittlemeowmeow @lucyysthings @justanothersadperson93 @lackofhonor @paige6768 @thefact0rygirl @littedragonlady @sliceuhglyfe
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churchyardgrim · 10 months
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3e ravenloft’s greatest hits: lady edition
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ASK AND YE SHALL RECIEVE 
Natalia Vhorishkova
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so we know and love the Weathermay-Foxgrove sisters, 5e actually kept them more or less the same, BUT. what 5e neglected to give much detail on was Natalia, and as soon as i read the dread possibilities in Van Richten’s Arsenal i was obsessed. holy shit! fucknasty sadomasochist werewolf lady, locked in a deadly game of cat and mouse with the hunter she seduced and betrayed and who has now made it his life’s goal to hunt her down?? give me 40k words about her right now immediately.
Perseyus Lathenna
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holy shit yall, i didn’t even know about this character until i went looking, but she’s? amazing?? a tiny-ass grandma wizard who got the goodness traumatized out of her, and was then inspired to try again years later and ended up reclaiming that drive to help people? a disabled woman who innovates a new method of spellcasting that doesn’t need somatic gestures? a respected scholar who keeps her identity close to her chest, as a way to bypass the systematic inequality of the cultures she’s working in? holy shit i love her. put her in your game so help me god.
Tara Kolyana
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listen i know we all love Ireena but 5e did her so so dirty, and 3e for all its faults gave us Tara. homegirl’s parents saw the writing on the wall and got the fuck out of dodge, and it fucking? worked?? she’s free? mostly. mostly free. the narrative tugs and tugs like an undertow but she’s had time to grow now, time to become a wholeass person outside of Barovia, outside of her destiny, and who knows what she could do now? who knows what kind of power she could have if she went back to Barovia as an adult, a full-fledged cleric with a solid sense of her self and her duty.
Ebb
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literally who doesn’t love a fuckmassive shadow dragon. she’s fantastic, she’s goth, her best friend is a wizard, what more can i say? 
Lyssa von Zarovich
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light of my life, girlboss of my heart, this list would not be complete without Lyssa. Strahd’s direct grandniece by way of the oft-forgotten middle brother Sturm, her goals are simple; reduce Strahd to a fine ash for the crime of piledriving the family’s history and reputation, and do some actually functional governing in Barovia. and she’s a genius! she not only found out about Strahd’s Big Oopsie entirely independently of anyone else in the know, she then looked at what uncle dearest had done and said “yeah i’ll have what he’s having” and fuckign followed through. and then! discovered a way to speedrun vampire power levels via a ghost booty call! and then invented vampire mindflayers, just bc she hadn’t broken enough records that week. 
she’s an excellent foil for Strahd, an ambitious, intelligent, and politically savvy woman who took the vampirism deal (literally the only other character to do so besides Strahd) with the full knowledge of what it entailed; as a means to an end, not an impulsive sacrifice. most of the material she’s got (and even in older editions there isn’t much) positions her as a middle-strength villain, but honestly i want to see her as a lesser-of-many-evils ally.
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rubypasha1 · 10 days
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Headcannons for the readers in my fics
Feel free if you have any questions related to them or anything else to do with my fics. Happy to answer!
Stolen Souls
Green thumb
Can cook like a chef it’s so good
Book worm
Socially anxious
Kids: loves em
Shows affection through gift giving and paying attention to small details
Ex-older sibling
Coping mechanism is work and hobbies
Green thumb!
Easily manipulated
Little shy
Puns!
Cat and dog person, more dog person
Can withdraw herself to try and protect her feelings
Has died before
Wife material
Girlfriend material
Liked watching her friend play video games
Not a party person
Magic!?
Absaloutely terrified but hopeful
A spider in a graveyard
Student of Spiderman, unofficially adopted by he and Deadpool.
The latter gifted her a knife
Can’t bake for shit but cooks okayish. Lasagna is amazing.
Traumatized by experience of being experiment on to aquire powers
Slightly Arachnophobia
Cheats at Uno, doesn’t care if she wins the only worse torture is scrabble
Loves carnival games
Puns are life
Has kissed her nemises
Willing guardian of three crazy super powered kids
Pretty serious but uses jokes as a distraction/to aggravate enemy
Sleeps in odd positions + glows
Kiss under her jaw by the neck and she melts
Odd relationship with symbiote
Can be bashful/shy when genuine and romantic shows of kindness are given.
Workaholic in rehabilitation
Tech savvy
In the very thin line between morally true and an overworked superhero
Has multiple eyes- not good with bright light
Will hang upside down and glow like a disco ball- with bribery
Self conscious and using her superhero identity - Starspider - as a coping mechanism
“Stop flirting with me!”
Rainbow lightning
Set the sails
Half blind and missing half a leg
Grew up in war
Has the skills and experience to be a doctor but doesn’t like to be called one due to respect and . . . stuff
Eats 1 or 2 meals a day
Green thumb- medicine and poison
Numerous war crimes
Body and face heavily scarred but not self conscious. She’s proud of her scars
Subconsciously hates clear skies
Has never killed anyone (they don’t deserve that mercy)
Good fighter, will dislocate your joints
Okay with tying patients down
Will hunt people down so they take their medicine
People on her island live and fear her
A certain marine tries to make her life horrible - regrets if later
Kids: Okay
Makes medicine, ointments, salves, creams.
Carving wood is side hobby
Do not touch her books
Okay cook
Loyal
Hates marines and the world government
Doesn’t smile, mainly looks neutral or angry
Slight aggressive but mainly when provoked
Deeply traumatized
A victim of war
Is an amazing gambler, it’s just luck she wins 90% of the time even when she doesn’t know how to play
Addicted to weed (but not in the way you think-)
Is kind in a “I will beat/restrain you so that you won’t die” kind of way
Made a deal with the devil and lost, now his brother calls her angel
Fought in a fighting ring
Loves pies
Has lost so many people she’s subconsciously afraid of making connections continuously trying to see new people she makes friendships with as only patients but inevitably fails and becomes so protective to others it’s seems as extremely aggressive but she has to because people DONT BLOODY LISTEN
Okay shooter, not that great but can somewhat hit a target sometimes
Highly respected on her island
“Thief”
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lmskitty · 3 months
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Hi again......If you don't mind, can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before......Thanks....
Hi!!!
Tricky!
1. Jujutsu Kaisen
2. Gorillaz
3. Sailor Moon
4. Outlast
5. The Last Binding Series by Freya Marske
6. Neon Genesis Evangelion
7. FMA Brotherhood
8. The Magnus Archives
9. Fake (manga series)
10. Digimon
1. It brought me joy and fandom and friendship again and made me feel like myself after a very long time. I know the narrative can be traumatic but it also has these incredible moments that just feel you with awe (like Todo turning up to help Yuji fight or seeing Gojo do hollow purple for the first time) it just reminded me of everything I love about anime.
2. My first real fandom, the first thing I wrote proper fanfiction for. The lore and the music and the animation just amazed me when I saw it when I was 11 and I've not been happy with decisions they've made recently (overpriced merch in a cost of living crisis, NFTs to celebrate Plastic Beach?!?) I'll still always love them and be excited for new content.
3. First anime love, first time seeing a relationship with two women helping me to identify as bi (now I'd say pan) I grew up believing that to be a strong woman you had to disregard femininity and seeing Usagi be the strongest with her bunny drawings and her focus on friendship and love just rewired my brain.
4. I love horror, I was brought up with it but for a very long time nothing has scared me and I found horror media repetitive. Outlast genuinely scared me and I was SO happy and I love reading the character notes and comics.
5. I've talked about this series a bunch but A Marvellous Light was the first book I'd read in years that made me cry and just stayed in my head for ages. Everything I'd loved about harry potter but done properly.
6. I was at a sleepover at a friend's and someone stuck this on and everyone was talking and I was just glued to the screen because what the FUCK WAS THIS?!?!? I've watched it since with my husband and it still hits me so hard every time. It's such a powerful portrayal of depression and nihilism and how relationships can fuck you up. It's beautiful and I think it's one of the best anime's of all time.
7. The opposite of neon Genesis lol. Love and family and forgiveness and what it means to sacrifice for the people you care about. Devoured brotherhood with my husband and we were both in tears by the end of it. I'd also been told I couldn't have kids and we had struggled with a miscarriage and Izumi and Sig just hit me so hard. (I have a bub now tho it came out ok in the end) but the characters still feel so real and there's so many amazing moments.
8. I listened to all of this and played Minecraft with my husband till like 6 am on weekends. We would discuss at length our theories and it just holds a special place in my heart. It's perfect horror and John and Martin's relationship just means a lot to me. I related a LOT to Martin and loved the series and I've super been enjoying the Magnus Protocol too! Also that first fucking recording of Nikola Orsinov?!?!? We both sat still staring at each other genuinely freaked the fuck out and we still quote it at each other! "I mean, you can if you really want to, but you’re not going to like it." CHILLS EVERY FUCKING TIME!!!
9. I read a lot of BL manga with my friends (*old lady voice* back in my day we called it Yaoi!!!) And so many of them had terrible tropes and big hands. This was the first one I ever read that I still adore that had an amazing love story and plot. It was revolutionary to see an LGBTQ story not just about them being gay or coming out but it had real detective cases and murders etc and I still wish we could get a tv show of it.
10. When Gojo talked about Digimon I fell even further in love. It's the fucking best. I wanted to be Mimi so BAD as a kid my mum made me a Halloween costume of her and I thought I was so cool. My next tattoo is gonna be Lilymon. I grew up with it in the dub and it established my sense of humour for better or worse. The Digimon film is still my comfort film of choice. Matt was such a big crush I had when I was little and I wrote little stories about being one of the digidestined.
Those are my top 10!!!!
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bradshawsbaby · 2 years
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I know you did a fic not long About Hangman and Phoenix getting lost in a corn maze and Mr. And Mrs. Bradshaw but what if they all went and took their families??? Because can you imagine?????
Jake and Bradley are arguing over which way to go (they’re both wrong) and all the kids are running around like wild hyenas and someone is crying (maybe it’s James? Or Ellie? Hangman? Nobody knows….) and Phoenix is like, “hey doofuses, we definitely take a left up here” (she’s right, of course, but do they listen to her?) and Mrs. B is trying to pass out snacks and herd the children and it’s just utter chaos. Jake is griping and cussing and complaining about how “this is supposed to be the easy one for children” and Mrs. Bradshaw is trying to cover the kids’ ears but there are so many of them and she only has two hands…
When they get to the end everyone is hot and stressed out and sweating, and the Seresins are this close to getting a divorce if someone doesn’t buy Phoenix a funnel cake in the next two seconds and they all have grass and hay sticking out of their hair and one of the twins randomly has a toy dump truck that they did not have when they went in but nobody is gonna question it right now. JJ has sticky goo all over his face from the candy apple his father agreed to buy him and Phoenix has said father’s murder thoroughly planned.
Mrs. Bradshaw suggests they take a group photo to commemorate the occasion. It’s easily the worst photo they’ve ever taken, all of them are red faced and grumpy in it (poor Goose looks a little traumatized) but both moms print out a copy and hang it on a refrigerator for when they need a laugh (or a Reminder to never go to a corn maze again)….
They’re headed toward the exit to pack all the kids up and call it a day when Lydia little disappointed voice pipes up, “I thought we were gonna pick pumpkins out of the pumpkin patch toooooooo!”
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THIS IS AMAZING 🤩🤩🤩
All of the details are so unbelievably on point! 🤣
At one point, Goose whispers to JJ, “Your mommy and daddy are kind of scary when they yell at each other” 😂😂😂
The adults all groan when Lydia brings up the pumpkin patch because they know they’re not going to be able to say no to that, especially Bradley. But they try to hurry the kids along in picking their pumpkins as fast as they can 🎃
Everyone’s absolutely exhausted on the car ride home, and all the kids fall asleep. When they all get back to the Bradshaws’ house, Bradley, Mrs. Bradshaw, Hangman, and Phoenix let the kids keep sleeping and sprawl out on the front lawn together, eating the remnants of the kids’ kettle corn 🍿
I love this so much 😆
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bardicbeetle · 11 months
Note
hello fellow vampire-oc-named-alex-haver! I love your alex, can I hear about your alex? whatever fun or not-so-fun facts you'd like to share :D
Hi Monday!
You can absolutely hear about my Alex, I will gladly ramble about them for almost certainly too long.
Alex Blackwood is more or less, the protagonist of Safe in the Dark, in so much as they were the original protagonist and are going to maintain that status despite the fact that there are now... five POV characters. They've come a hell of a long way since I first started writing them at the bright young age of 14, and are... somehow both more and less traumatized at the same time.
Quick little overview: mid twenties, asexual, agender, dark curly hair that is long not so much in an On Purpose Way but in an "I haven't had a haircut in Many Years" kind of way, one of the few characters whose eye color hasn't changed over the years--they're still a dark stormcloudy grey. Facial features tended to get described as birdlike when they were younger, sharp lines, prominent nose. Has a little mole on the right side of their neck and another one on the underside of their chin on that side.
Some Fun Facts:
Alex has no idea how cooking works, cannot produce more than a piece of butter toast reliably, will somehow burn things even if heat is not involved. (tbh probably a good thing they end up having to live on blood)
Has lost the majority of their southern accent as a result of being so much of the everywhere but it creeps back out the SECOND someone else near them has one. To such a strong degree that even people who know them well go ??????? what was that??????
They are indecisive to a fault, mainly because they are very afraid of making the wrong choice (whether this is the wrong choice for themself, or in relation to someone else, they spend a lot of time planning out the hypothetical consequences of things they will never actually do).
Is probably the most physically active member of the vamp!house by sheer virtue of needing the feeling of Body Moving to make their brain go quiet sometimes. Likes to run, loves sparring with Isaac and the chaos trio once that starts up. Likes the physical outlet to all the thoughts in their head.
Some Not Fun Facts:
Grew up in an extremely fundamentalist household.
Ran away at age 15 and never went back.
Suffers from sleep paralysis and really intense nightmares.
Has a lot of trouble staying present when something brings them into a memory. A smell, a sound, the look some someone's hair, they're prone to spiral into the things connected to it until their surroundings kind of, melt and they're just listening to the sound of something else, someone else, somewhen else. (oh hey the one part of my own trauma brain I gave them)
Witnessed the massacre of three dozen college students and to this day thinks it's their fault purely because their indecision meant they were still a half vampire when Eric came back, prompting him to try and force them to kill.
ANyways.
I love Alex so very very much.
They've been with me for... well over a decade now in some form or another which feels frankly ridiculous but it's so so amazing having gotten to evolve and learn more about them as time has gone by.
@albatris
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logo-ssspathosss · 25 days
Note
Hi! Hope you don't mind me lurking around these parts, sir. I came to ask you a few questions regarding your experience as a qsmp enjoyer!!
• Who's your favourite streamer that speaks the same language as you?
• Who's your favourite streamer that DOESN'T speak the same language as you?
• What's been your favourite arc so far?
• What language would you like to see next?
• Who do you want to watch more of?
• Who's your favourite family?
• Who's streams do you most watch outside of their QSMP streams?
Anything else you'd like to mention? Doesn't inherently have to be qsmp related.
(These are all from sarcastictissy, Hope you're doing well, Sphatos!!:D)
gkgjfhvkhkhKhkHkHkBk
hi howdy semifontos
you came straight out of the deep-dark-endless void didn’t you? (this ask caught me so off guard AHEM)
anyway!! answering questions time!! yippee! (i never get to do this!! i am so happi!!)
. i have a lot of favorite english speaker streamers but the ones i’m currently watching the most are slimecicle and philza. i’ve been following the both of them for many years and i was super duper excited to see both of them join the qsmp when it first started!! they’re both so silly goofy and they live in my head rent free.
. oooooouuuuuuhhhh. that’s hard. can i give you tops? it’s definitely between cellbit, baghera, etoiles and roier. although i don’t know what they’re saying half of the time, tuning into their streams is always fun! whenever they’re laughing on stream i find myself smiling too! i’ve also been inspired to learn other languages because of them. (i have like 15 languages that im working on in duolingo. don’t ask) they’re also AMAZING at lore. (especially roier. his character is so sad. he is quite literally the therapist who needs therapy.)
. there are so many arcs that have gone on in qsmp(and to be honest i’m having trouble keeping up) but i really like charlie’s whole traumatized dad/code arc so far?? like- i doubt he’ll ever finish it, but i live for little delulu cubitos with dead eggs. ^^
also, no idea if it counts (since it was kind of a saga???) but BOLAS will always have a place in my heart. love them to death (and they died A LOT.)
. i’d really like to see swedish creators next!! i think that would be really cool!! :-D
. this question is questioning fjjfjgjfhfjgjjfjfjg. rn i’ve kind of been taking a break? not really paying attention to the recent lore in qsmp?? idk. the life rollercoaster has been MOVING. there are so many bumps. and it’s been difficult to find the time to catch up. if i were to start watching consistently again, i’d love to watch some of the korean creators that have joined, more foolish, and more tubbo.
. favorite family is probably death family and misclick/dysfunctional family (yk. since i watch those creators the most) but i also really like the family dynamics of the found family of fobo. tubbo and foolish are a dangerously silly pair and i think the name ‘fobo’ says a lot about them
. i definitely watch slimecicle the most. i hardly make to any if his streams, but i am a vod truther. i remember when his 1st wobble dogs vid came out and honestly cant believe its been a year. (also idk if it counts but i’ve been listening to so much jrwi. got the patreon member ship and i listened to 6 episodes of the suckening within 3ish days. help.)
oKay i think that’s all i have to say (sorry for the paragraph)
thank you so much semifontos and sarcastictissy for the questions!! i hope you are both doing well and thanks for checking in on me! :-D
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