#although they are aspects of the other person that corrects the flaws of the other person

[comradekatara]

with another atla revival on its way (I hate Netflix) I’m starting to see “shipping wars” again and I’m hating/fighting for my life with all these z*tara shippers. I guess, for me, people who ship them together fundamentally don’t understand or even like Katara and yet they will hail themselves as the only people who get her (in what universe…) and claim that Zuko would have treated her infinitely better than Aang (I can’t with people). I’ve had a look on your page and FAQ and I think we share the same thoughts on the ship with the whole coloniser x colonised aspect (this is not to say I don’t like Zuko, but still). I guess what I’m asking is do you think these people get her as a character? ALSO finding out that the comic book writer shipped them and broke up Mai and Zuko made me feel some type of way.

i like how you said “on its way” only 22 hours ago (as of 2/29) despite the fact that natla fully came out a week ago. that said, i still haven’t seen it, so in my mind it also doesn’t exist (at least until i do actually watch it tomorrow). also, for what it’s worth, i do think that breaking up zuko and mai is the right call, it’s just that the execution was fucking awful, because gene yang cannot write for shit and doesn’t understand these characters. but it’s also really funny that he apparently ships zvtara (like, that tracks) but also their only prominent one-on-one interaction in the comics is when he physically restrains her…. lol. lmfao even.

as for the way zvtara shippers talk about katara and aang it truly is bonkers insane the lengths they’ll go and the reaches they’ll make to justify why their personal preference is, in fact, morally correct. i mean, intellectually correct is one thing, because i believe in making a persuasive argument and citing your sources, but morally correct??? they’ll act like aang is some awful toxic misogynist (yes, i know) and that zuko is in fact a paragon of support and respect for women. when we’ve all seen firsthand how he behaves as mai’s boyfriend (sidenote: the fact that they’ll claim that MAI is the one who is “abusive” to ZUKO is crazy. people hate women so fucking much it’s unreal).

in terms of how they discuss katara, it’s not so much the fact that the ship is literally colonizer/colonized (although it is), but the way that shippers deliberately play into these colonial biases and dynamics when portraying them. i actually think had zvtara shippers not been egregiously racist about it for so long, i wouldn’t really mind the ship itself. like, they are very obvious narrative foils who parallel each other in many ways and their arcs are inextricably bound up in each other and incredibly meaningful to both of them. i can understand why people read katara touching his scar in the catacombs or zuko jumping in front of lightning to save her as romantic. not my personal cup of tea, but like. it’s not NOT there. i don’t even object to people calling them soulmates tbh, because like. yeah. they are???

however. the complete lack of understanding as to what colonialism is or how it functions (ive literally seen ppl say that zuko isn’t a colonizer bc he never personally occupies territory, as if he didn’t BURN DOWN SUKI’S VILLAGE, and that the swt was colonized by the fn because they don’t explicitly occupy land like they do in the ek) really pervades the (romantic) interpretation of this dynamic as i’ve observed it over the years. a lot of katara in fire nation reds, as “fire lady,” abandoning her culture for zuko’s sake (despite this apparently being egregiously problematic when katara does this for aang’s sake). one time i came across a literal pocahontas au?!?!?? like. it’s SO dire.

and beyond the very obvious racism, the way they paint shipping zvtara as feminist and progressive is insane because, as you say, they do hate katara. i don’t know how to explain to these people that sanding down all her flaws and turning her into this angelic maternal endless well of compassion and emotional labor means you don’t actually like her character as it is presented in canon. acting as if katara lacks flaws (she is, in fact, deeply flawed) or so much more mature than the rest of her friends and must suffer that burden every day (hint: she’s not and she doesn’t) until the noble zuko comes along and is so gracious towards her and her alone (he’s literally the most immature of the lot, screams and whines at her, and at everyone) is just. a really impressive amount of editorializing. and they turn aang and sokka into these whiny, idiotic babies to justify that decision, as if aang and sokka are not highly intelligent, wise, capable, and responsible in their own right.

katara and zuko are in fact flawed in similar ways. they’re both impulsive, self-righteous, stubborn, myopic, callous, and filled with an unquenchable, blinding rage. it’s clear that when they are aligned in that rage, their dysfunction feeds into each other and they block the rest of the world out to satisfy their impulses. katara is able to pull back at the last moment in “the southern raiders” in a beautiful culmination of her internal character arc, but the entire build-up to this moment sort of showcases the ways in which they might not be great for each other as a couple. but people will do some incredible mental gymnastics to explain why they are nonetheless always right about everything, and why aang and sokka are always wrong and don’t understand katara at all. also, fwiw, reducing “the southern raiders” to who is right vs who is wrong when it’s actually about how various characters approach and process their grief in a deliberately subjective way is just. god. exhausting. i’m exhausted.

the thing about atla is that it is a well-written show, especially as far as its main characters are concerned. katara is so dear and special to me specifically because she is allowed to be so flawed and three dimensional and realistically human. and ignoring zuko’s myriad flaws means ignoring the depth that apparently makes him the most interesting character to 90% of atla fans. there really isn’t a need to editorialize and reduce canon to fit a neat little narrative, when the narrative that already exists is just. already really solid. and the thing is, i don’t even think you should have to change canon all that much to justify this ship, because it’s one of the central dynamics of the entire show. and yet, people still do. they really do. so i think that’s telling, don’t you?

#sl1mshadii #asks #hot takes #putting this under a cut bc i don’t want to be put on a list -_- #(even tho i know i already am) #also sidenote before anyone is like ‘but what about’ I AM ALSO NOT A FAN OF COLONIAL DYNAMICS WHEN IT’S ZVKKA. OBVIOUSLY #as ive stated before countless times . lol

[stardustizuku]

Part 1: The Love Square. Why it worked, and why it failed.

People who aren’t as interested in Magical Girls as I am, specifically Magical Girl Animes with Romance, may not understand why the Love Square was such a big deal. Why it was the core; the life of the series.

Okay, so how many times have you seen a love triangle unfold? Quite many, I must guess. Some really good, and some, uhm, not so much.

In Magical Girl Animes they’re common – and the most popular ones have one very particular dynamic. Let’s run down it, shall we?

Our main character falls in love with another man, someone unreachable, unattainable. It’s someone she genuinely looks up to, and is most likely popular already.

I call this character “The Prince”

In Princess Tutu, it’s Mytho. In Shugo Chara it’s Tadase. In Tokyo Mew Mew it’s Aoyama. Sailor Moon has Motoki Furuhata in Season 1, and Mamoru in Stars.

He is the type of guy you want to fall in love with. Nice, kind, good-natured, a good leader, pretty and everything.

There’s one issue, though. The person who our Main Character’s crush likes is not her, but her alter ego. Mytho is in love with Tutu, not Ahiru, Tadase is in love with Amulet Heart not Amu. The one she becomes thanks to super natural magic.

Then, there’s the opposite. I like to call them the “Rebel” character.

You know who I’m talking about. The Ikuto, the Kishu, the Fakir or even Seiya of the story. They serve to be a contrast to the “Prince”. They’re often times, the only one who gets to see through the MC’s disguise and comes to understand her. “Rebel” characters are rarely in love with alter ego, but instead feel attraction to the MC or the “real one”

These are all fan favourites characters that fall under the “Bad Boy” trope. And for good reason.

Bad boy characters are popular with little girls, teen girls, women or even AFAB people in general since they call out something in our society. There’s very real pressure put forth by either parents or society to adhere to certain gender roles, and what they mean.

In other words, you’re “supposed” to be a good girl.

You have to get good grades, you have to smile all the time, you have to be polite, and you have to play nice. A bad boy character in fiction allows the viewer (in this case and for simplicity) girls to push back or be rebellious in a very safe way.

You don’t have to be good, you’re just following the steps of a bad guy with a heart of gold. He will help you break out of your shell, and be more confident. You get to feel like you’re trying to be the good girl society tells you to be, while finally exploring these darker aspects of your personality.

In YA and more mature books, this can involve anything from trying alcohol, having sex, or allowing oneself to be angry (exploring the “bad” or “not good” emotions AFAB people are always told they shouldn’t have).

But in audiences more aimed towards children, like those in Magical Girl animes, shoujos or tween cartoons, they exist in a more subdued way – although still tapping into this idea of rebellion against the status quo.

That’s why these characters are fan favourites.  

So, to summarize. You have the MC in love with a “Prince” who in turn is in love with the Perfect Girl version of the MC. And a “Rebel” who is in love with the Real Version of the MC, flaws and all.

This particular dynamic is used as a thesis of sorts in any good story. Only by understanding both the real and idolized version of the MC can a man can “win” the love of our protagonist. And only by our MC knowing who she is, what her alter ego means, or how she relates to these dichotomies, can she understand herself.

And really, depending on how each show tackles its themes, it can have different answers. Tokyo Mew Mew offers the idea that the Prince is the correct option, while Princess Tutu says it’s not. Then there’s those with open endings such a Shugo Chara. Again, they use the dynamic, the thesis of their characters, to come to a conclusion that neatly ties to the theme.

Princess Tutu, for example, ties the ideal version of Mytho with the tragedy of a fairytale. Ahiru has to let go to be able to reach a conclusion. In Tokyo Mew Mew Ichigo sees her flaws (the cats ears) as something someone as perfect as Aoyama could never love – yet he shows he isn’t perfect and that he loves her with or without the perceived flaws she has.

That said,

It’s exactly why I loved Miraculous Ladybug when it first aired. It managed to boil down this interesting dynamic into the Love Square. The perfect and the real, the idolized and the true.

Ladybug represents the perfect version of Marinette. Adrien represents the perfect version, while the real one is Chat Noir. Chat was both the “Bad Boy” and the “Prince” all in one. Both Marinette and Adrien were in love with the “Perfect” or Idolized version of each other.

This was something never before seen. It would make for amazing content, right? Explore why we prefer an idolized version of someone, realize that true love means caring even when you’re not perfect. What our perceived “flaws” meant to others, and if they were truly flaws – or if our environment was the one teaching us they were. The possibilities and themes were limitless. We could have had something great-

No.

Sorry, we. We didn’t get that.

What we got were padded episodes, new love interest that refused to deal with this complexity, and a stagnant rship that refuses to explore any of the flaws of their characters - why they’re not perfect, or even a reason why they stay in love

This is why the Love Square fails. This, is the core of why and how it works. People can expand upon this in million different ways, but you inevitably come back to this.

The real and the idolized. The want vs the duty. The expectations and the responsibilities.

Instead of having an episode where Marinette realizes that Adrien isn’t perfect, that he isn’t a model 24/7 or that he has flaws, secrets and fear just like anyone else, we got Kagami.

Instead of Chat realizing that Ladybug isn’t perfect, that she isn’t always composed, that it’s just a persona put forth to feel more in control of a situation, we got Luka.

Both characters that I love, but they bring very little to the themes the Love Square was introducing, to begin with!

More focus should have been put in how these two bounce off each other.

How much better would the story had been if we got to see Marinette and Chat have a conversation? The two very flawed, very real, very confusing version fo these characters, just trying to understand each other.

And by the way, this is exactly why MariChat is the most popular dynamic.

Marinette acts like a girl. Scared, confused, and lonely. She isn’t a hero, she isn’t her perfect version. She is just Marinette. While she can put the mask on, at the end of the day, it’s still just a mask. And Chat? Well, we get to see him. Not the model, not the paper cut out, but a silly kid who wants to break free from a life of imprisonment by the parent who’s supposed to love him.

We get to see something real.

But, unfortunately we do not get that.

Their relationship stays static. The reason for this is a bit obvious.

The writers, to my opinion have come to this bizarre conclusion:

Developing this dynamic would mean changing dynamics, ending the status quo morphing the story into something new. And they assume a “new” means an “end”.

They’re thinking that the endgame is Adrien and Marinette realizing their identities, so they don’t wanna develop it for fear of bringing an ending “too close”.

Say you have 7 seasons prepared, you can't have them find out their identities in season 5 because their reveal should be in season 7. It should be the last couple of episodes even. After that, they'll date and it's over. So better drag this on for seasons on end.

This just proves to me: flawed writing skills and lack of direction.

WHICH wouldn’t surprise me seeing how Chloe ended up.

It is plain bad writing. Changing stuff doesn’t necessarily mean an endgame is near. It just means things are changing.

I’ll be mean to this series and compare it to the Magnus Opus of Magical Girls: Sailor Moon

Sailor Moon got together with Tuxedo mask in the first season, yet the writers were able to up the steaks of their relationship through its 5-season run: Through memory loss, a long distance romance, anxieties of hurting one another, or simply…developing their relationship. People change. And so does how they interact with other people.

These created amazing episodes that highlighted how much Usagi and Mamoru loved and cared for each other. It wasn’t just chance, it wasn’t just fate. This took work, it took time, and it took trust. This wasn’t something so easily lost. That’s why SailorMoonStars hits the hardest.

In the very last season, Usagi is in a long distance rship with Mamoru. And it breaks her. We see that she misses him, dealing with the turmoil of him not answering her messages. She’s devastated, seeking comfort in other people, but unable to forget him. Not even as Seiya begs her to take him instead of Mamoru, can she bring herself to give him up– because they’ve been together for a long, long time. And we’ve seen that.

We see her reminiscent. We see her break down and cry because he hasn’t called her. We see her thinking of him when she’s with Seiya. We see her be in love with him and we see how much it affected her that he’s ignoring her.

And by the last few episodes, we get a payoff. We find out Mamoru is dead, and that he died confident that Usagi would be strong enough to protect the Earth in his stead. That he believed in her, and he thought of her until the moment he died - uttering her name as the last thing he could do.

That’s why when Sailor Moon defeats Sailor Galaxia, the woman who killed the man she loved, through purification and not violence – it all feels right.

It’s a very simple but powerful story, packaged in 45 episodes. With enough room to breathe, digest it, but not drawn out enough for it to be annoying.

All this, when the relationship was already established. We could have had something like this in Miraculous Ladybug, if the writers WERENT drawing out the reveal and get together until the very last second!

ChatBlanc could have been an AMAZING multi-episode mini-arc.

No time-travel thing. They find their identities, they date for a few episodes, something goes horribly wrong, and Marinette has to find a way to fix the mistakes she's made. Much like Sailor Moon R.

Maybe by the end of it, she fixes it but sacrifices most of her memories. The only thing she recalls is that she knew Chat's identity, Paris almost got destroyed, and that leads to her putting distance between them.

Or maybe one day she wakes up with the memories of Chat Blanc and spends and entire season trying to know what happened, and when she does, she's horrified.

Idk, million amazing things could have been done with this episode to further develop these two's relationship. Complex, interesting, beautiful things.

But no. Because, apparently, thinking of love post-reveal is too much. Instead, we watch them run and run in circles. Chat Blanc was a single episode, and half of it was time travel shenanigans.

And all of this, just because the writers don’t actually know what they want to do with the love square. So they add new rivals, new teams, new accessories, side plots - all to avoid touching the actual core of what made the series great.

It strongly reminds me of Star vs. in that scenario the creators also weren’t sure where to take the show.

It wasn’t until season 2 where they started the subplot of Star realizing Mewni colonized Monsters that it started having a sense of self. And it showed in the romantic subplot, which was all over the place. They didn’t know what they wanted, so the romance in that show was a mess. Lack of direction and intention, aside from the knowledge that Star and Marco were the end game

I personally don’t hate Star vs. I don’t like how it handled romance but I will give it much leeway because the actual plot of Intergenerational conflict and coming to terms with the harm your ancestors have done to others - is quite compelling and not something I see tackled often.

But Miraculous does not get that. Its episodic plot is simple and refuses to get into the murky waters of its own premise.

The only thing it had going was The Love Square. Because I assure you, very few people give a crap about the Miraculous being stolen.

So, their lack of willingness was the first thing to ruin the Love Square. Fine.

But it’s not the nail on the coffin. The real reason why this suffered, was something that happened waaaay before all this.

Because one thing that the show refused to explore up until late into season 3 and start of season 4 was the specific parts of the “Ladybug” character. What I mean is, what “ideal self” she is as “Ladybug”. And how her existence affects Marinette. This is the fundamental flaw that issss...

PREV << MASTERLIST >> NEXT

#miraculous ladybug #MLB #MLB SALT #miraculous lb #2k magical girl essay #magical girl #short essay #sailor moon

[evilwickedme]

I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately about how fanon treats Tim compared to Damian and Jason, which is fine, but they’re looking at it through the lens of “good victims” vs “bad victims” in response to trauma and I don’t think that’s the right way to do it. I don’t think we should be looking at it like that because 1. All three of those characters have trauma and comparing trauma is gross and 2. applying real life psychology to inconsistently written fictional characters feels pointless lol. Damian and Jason are written super inconsistently and trying to tie their characters into one specific framework is borderline impossible lol. Sometimes Jason is written as a good person who has inner demons but other times he’s written as a psychopath who tries to murder his family and gleefully tries to shoot children so I don’t think it’s super productive to label him as one or the other. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

Ok I'll be real with you I'm not 100% sure what you're getting at! I think you're saying that Tim is positioned as the good victim and Damian and Jason are positioned as the bad victims, although correct me if I'm wrong.

I definitely have a lot of thoughts when it comes to victimhood and the batfam, especially Jason. I saw a TikTok recently that put something I've thought for a while now into words, which is that Jason - Red Hood - is a victim's power fantasy. Like, Bruce is very much a male power fantasy, and Spider-Man and Captain America are Jewish power fantasies, and Jason is over here with his anger and trauma and it just feels so familiar. I don't relate to Jason the most out of the batfam - I feel like Tim's experiences as a whole are much more relatable to me - but I for sure see myself in that aspect of Jason's character.

I think the dynamic of "bad victim" vs "good victim" is flawed in the first place, and dare I say it - yet another aspect of cultural xtianity that has made it into fandom and our culture at large. Purity culture is based in Christianity, and a natural result of it is the idea that victims must be flawless and well behaved, or they must be at fault.

Honestly we see this in DC's constant rewriting of Jason's Robin days - post UTRH comics, esp post n52 comics, are constantly retconning him into being the angry Robin, a boy who was angry and damaged and no good from the beginning, which of course is not true at all - he was a fucking nerd, for real. He loved school and doing homework and going to museums and he only had two notable cases of violence, one extremely close to his death, and the other is in the first issue of A Death in the Family - you know, the story in which he was killed off. Afai can remember RHatO n52 and rebirth and urban legends: cheer all try to present this - almost as if to make Jason's death less tragic, make it seem inevitable. When Bruce calls Jason "broken" in a hologram in battle for the cowl it's this claim that he was mentally unstable and shouldn't have ever been Robin, something that was only brought up in ADitF.

All of this is DC's attempt to make Jason a "bad victim". Red Hood!Jason is angry not bc of his death traumatizing him, but bc he was always broken. The reality is, the reason Jason's death affected Bruce so much and the reason UTRH was so impactful WAS Jason being such a joyful, trusting child. He wanted so much to belong, to be good, to be magic, and instead he was betrayed by his own mother, brutalized, and then left to die. If there was such a thing as a good victim or a bad victim - which there isn't, because being a victim is a neutral act, and nobody deserves to be traumatized, even if they're the worst person on earth - Jason was absolutely a "good victim". That's the whole fucking point.

I don't know as much about Damian as I do about Jason, but I feel like Damian needs less retconning to be presented as a "bad victim". He's introduced as a violent boy who attacks Tim and doesn't trust anyone and having taken in so many of the LoA's teachings. I think it's insane how much the fandom tends to stick to this early characterization; unlike the situation with Jason, where DC is actively trying to pretend that he's always been rotten, for the most part the actual comics have really let him grow as a person and I'm really looking forward to reading Robin (2021) (I already have vol 1 I just need to like. Get around to it).

The truth is Damian was a deeply traumatized and brainwashed child who needed a supportive environment and Dick really tried to give him that, which was so instrumental in his development. I feel for him so much and it's really saddening to see the way many people treat him in the fandom. At least Jason made the choice to become a villain as an adult. Damian's just a kid, even now, and he'd never been shown another option.

As for Tim - God, I've said this before, but I fucking hate how woobified he's become in fan spaces. Guy's intelligent, sarcastic, independent, and yeah, honestly? Not always been treated the best. His biodad wasn't exactly great. Bruce gaslit him on his birthday and Alfred just went along with it. Dick and him were so close, and then after Bruce "died" everything just fell apart between them. But also like. Idk I feel like people often take his agency and character away from him. Originally Tim was supposed to be the normal kid. Robin was basically a nine to five - he was there to do a job, and he wasn't ever supposed to be part of the family, esp considering how recent Jason's death was when he became Robin. That just sort of... Happened. Dick treated him like a brother from the first, yes, but Bruce didn't treat him like a son, and Tim wasn't looking for a father. I don't remember where I saw this, but somebody pointed out that Tim basically never lived in the manor. I think he feels very deeply for the people he loves, and that's why he was so distant at first from the batfam - he didn't want to create a connection that would be severed eventually anyway when he stopped being Robin (again, was initially supposed to be a temporary gig!). We see this most obviously because he did get attached, and then Kon, Bart, Steph, his dad, and Bruce all died - or "died" - and he low-key lost it. And like...

Okay I've sort of lost the plot, but I guess basically what I'm saying here is that I'm not saying that Tim isn't deeply traumatized himself, but I don't really see the things that traumatized him the most as victimizing. Like... He and his dad were working on rebuilding their relationship, for better or for worse. Before Bruce died, he was doing pretty well as part of the family. He's, unfortunately, back to being Bruce's Robin. So like - what is he a victim of that he's being treated as a good victim? But then you read the most popular Tim centered fics and you're like, oh, okay. So we're just projecting here.

Like, were Jack and Janet drake amazing parents? Again, no, and he expresses extreme frustration with the constant moving and boarding schools and at a certain point jack confiscates his tv and jack forces him to stop being Robin because it's dangerous. But none of this is anywhere close to the abuse that's portrayed in woobified!Tim fics. Like my God, some of that shit is AWFUL. Many of them are extraordinarily well written and deal with the abuse they inflict on Tim extremely well. But it's, at least as far as I can tell, made up. Positioning Tim as a "good victim" is so fucking easy when you're making up the abuse in the first place.

Idk I guess the main problem here is that the idea of good victim and bad victim are ridiculously harmful in the first place, but then there's also just the fact that none of this characterization is based in canon - whether bc of DC's attempts to erase history with Jason, bc character development is routinely ignored with Damian (not to say that it's low-key because of racism, but... It's low-key because of racism), or bc it's straight up made up.

But, again. Y'all. Just do not moralize victimhood. Nobody deserves to be abused or mistreated or fucking murdered (except the joker, bc as I've said before, he has such a high fictional kill count it's like the equivalent of killing a Nazi and I stand by that).

Anyway thanks for asking, sorry for taking a few days I just had to think about it and also apparently write a full scroll of text. I tried to break it up into readable chunks instead of the wall of text I originally wrote it as but it's still just. So long. Anyway much love

#jason todd #damian wayne #tim drake #tim drake my beloved #batfam #dc #gail speaks #ask #anonymous #tw abuse #jason todd my beloved #jt

[mightdeletelater]

It may come off as harsh, but I have grown really weary of individuals who lack strong opinions.

This phenomenon feels particularly prevalent in politics (and politics is what is inspiring this particular train of thought), although I believe it extends across the board. One of the gravest assumptions people make in shaping their worldview is that the most valid stance taken must reside somewhere in the middle. For example attempting to find a compromise between opposing political ideologies.

This assumption is flawed. It falls into the trap of the middle ground fallacy. The correct position isn't necessarily equidistant between extremes. If one extreme suggests drinking a litre of bleach daily for strong bones and the other advises drinking none daily for strong bones, the middle ground of drinking half a litre isn't the most sensible option now, is it?

Equally frustrating is the suppression of differing opinions or the tendency to attack those who hold them. This issue extends beyond politics and encompasses areas like art and personal relationships. It often feels taboo to critically engage with topics or individuals we admire, including acknowledging aspects we find troubling.

Constructive discourse would flourish if we recognised that it's possible to appreciate something while also scrutinising it when necessary. I recognise how pretentious this sounds, but I wish people would take more time to reflect on their desires, interests, curiosities and how they can improve and enrich their lives. I'm exhausted by the silence and lack of substantive opinions. Selfishly, it is because I have no outlet for expressing my own thoughts, and consequently, these thoughts swirl incessantly in my mind, creating a dissonance I literally can't escape.

#politics #art #personal relationships #critical thinking #opinions #I don't know what this is #I wrote it in 5 minutes because everything is boring me #i hate doing tags

[sotwk]

Greenleaf's Day Out, Chapter 5: Royal Welcome (young Legolas family fic)

Completed Work: Chapters [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6]

Summary: Legolas accompanies his eldest brother, Crown Prince Mirion, on an important royal duty. (brief OC character profile in end notes).

Word Count: 3.7k

Content: G-rated, fluff, family, comedy

To Read on AOC: Link

Divider credit: @firefly-graphics

Greenleaf's Day Out

Chapter 5 - Royal Welcome

Third Age 250

The Woodland Realm, Greenwood the Great

"Ninniel! Ninniel!"

The long-suffering nursemaid gave a startled jerk when Legolas’s cry rose suddenly from behind her, as she stood in the quiet of his chambers preparing linens and fresh clothing for his bath. A hand pressed to her breast, she smiled at the elfling who rounded the enormous bed that separated them and began tugging urgently at her skirts. 

“Is it true what the guards are saying? Is it?!”

“What rumor has caught your ears now, sweetling?” Ninniel rested a gentle hand on his head to steady the squirming child. 

Nearly three hundred years had passed since she came from Caras Galadhon to live in Bâr Lasgalen and enter the service of Queen Maereth. Through those centuries, she helped raise all five of the royal sons from infancy, loving them as she did her own three grown sons. Each prince was special and dear to her in a unique way (although if pressed, she would confess to a secret favorite). She knew well the myriad of quirks, strengths, and flaws in their personalities, big and small, and guarded them with the fierce devotion she held for the Elvenking’s family. 

After only eight short years with him, she still had much to learn about little Legolas, but one thing was already clear to her. His eagerness to participate in all aspects of palace life, even happenings most already dismissed as mundane at that age, surpassed the energy ever demonstrated by any of his brothers. And although supervising all that zest and vigor for hours on end taxed Ninniel’s own reserves, it was the silent wish of her heart that Legolas retain his childlike nature for many more years ahead. 

“I was out on the terrace and I overheard Glanedhel say to Naurion that they require two more riders to assemble a number of six. Six palace riders! That is a protoble escort for the Crown Prince!” His small pale face shone with the triumph of his reasoning. “Which must mean Mirion is riding out to meet Ammë!” 

“I believe you mean 'protocol' your Highness,” Ninniel said mildly, astonished though she was by his deductions. "In which case, you are correct." The elfing’s powers of observation seemed to rise by tenfold when it related to matters of his personal interest. He struggled to remember the correct words to the aerlinns and other holy chants his mother attempted to teach him, or the Quenyan names of the fabled cities across the Western Sea. But he could identify nearly every guard that held a post at Bâr Lasgalen, a half-hundred ever rotating faces, and he mastered the location of every  single chamber and passageway in his father’s grand palace as though he had lived there since its first stones were laid. 

“May I ride out with Mirion and his escort?” asked Legolas, positively giddy just from anticipation.  “Ammë would be so surprised to see me there!”

“She would indeed. But wait a moment--you do not know for certain where your brother is going."

He countered her logic immediately. “The only way to know is by asking!"

As he fidgeted with impatience, Ninniel hesitated. Would it please the Queen to come home to a son that was freshly bathed, well-fed, and ready to tuck in for the night? Or would she rather see her beloved youngest ahorse and out on the Men-i-Naugrim to meet her? She knew her Lady long and well enough to be certain of the answer. 

She breathed out a sigh. "With Prince Mirion's consent, if he is indeed leading an escort for the queen, you may ride with him."

Legolas hollered his thanks and was halfway out the room by the end of her sentence. The riding party could depart at any moment, so he had not a second to lose!

Fortunately, Mirion was not difficult to track down. Much like it was for their father the King, it was near impossible for the Crown Prince to go anywhere unnoticed by the palace’s many other residents. The third roving servant Legolas queried, somewhere between the morning solarium and the portrait chamber, redirected him to the opposite end of the long hall that ran through the palace’s east wing.

Legolas gave a merry wave to the lone guard that stood outside the King and Queen’s empty chambers. His greeting went unreturned, but his sharp eyes noticed the hint of a smile between the cheek pieces of the sentry’s burnished helm. 

The elfling strode up to a great oak door that bore different markings from that of his parents. He raised his fist and pounded, but all his force produced just a faint noise against the solid wood. Nonetheless, he heard a response from within, bidding him to enter. 

“I knew you would come running as soon as you heard.” Mirion turned away from the mirror to smile at his little brother, whilst his valet moved around him, continuing the precise task of draping and fastening a heavy crimson cloak about his shoulders. 

“Then you already know what I have come to ask.” Legolas clasped his hands together and closed his eyes as though in prayer. “Please, please, please may I ride out with you? Ninniel said I may, by your leave!”

“It is true I am going to meet Ammë on the Road, but I have other business to attend to beforehand.” Mirion gestured at the black tunic he wore, woven with intricate patterns in threads of gold, and tapped a fingertip against the silver wreath that encircled his head.

As Legolas felt his heart sink, he scrunched up his nose in distaste. “What sort of business?” he asked, although his brother’s regal attire made it obvious. Boring, fussy, royal business, which the king’s councilors liked to call “official”. The sort of business that drained the fun out of their father every time he donned clothing like that. 

“A sort of business that I would like to invite you to accompany me on.”

Legolas’s eyes widened and his head made a sudden jerk of surprise. “You would? Me?” The rise of excitement quickly morphed back into skepticism. “Why?”

“Because it would be a new experience for you.” The valet finally finished fiddling with his cloak, which allowed Mirion to move towards his brother. “And if I am to allow you to ride out into the night with me, I would like to be able to tell Ammë you learned something valuable from it.”

“Make haste now. We cannot be late and you must dress for the occasion!” Ignoring Legolas’s attempts to ask more questions, he gave the elfling a gentle push back towards the door, while nodding to his valet. “Orthor will help Ninniel select something appropriate. I shall meet you in the courtyard.”

The entire escort of six riders were already assembled and standing by their horses by the time Legolas sprinted down the palace steps, his own crimson riding cloak streaming behind him. Only after both princes had climbed onto their saddles did they mount their steeds in unison. Legolas guided his chestnut mare, Noruin, next to Gwaeron, Mirion’s black stallion. The guards flanked them in pairs, four behind and two at the lead, the foremost bearing the green and silver banner of the Crown Prince of the Woodland Realm.

Artwork by Bosslogic, Henry Cavill imagined as Aegon Targaryen

“Now will you please tell me where we are going?” Legolas grumbled, as they started down the pathway leading away from the King’s grounds. All of his brothers found some strange pleasure in keeping him in suspense whenever they could, regardless of how often he complained about disliking surprises. “Whom are we visiting that is so terribly important?”

He fought the urge to yank at the stiff, high collar of his embroidered tunic. Orthor had made clear that he was expected to keep himself presentable for at least the first leg of their journey. If he succeeded at that, then perhaps Mirion would allow him to shed the rest of the livery on the way to meet their mother. 

“We have not far to go,” Mirion responded. “Just to a family’s home at Willowdell. They welcomed a new child this morning, and I am going to bring them the Crown’s Blessing.”

“The Crown’s Blessing!?” Legolas squeaked, snapping his horse’s reins so abruptly that even the patient Noruin nickered in objection. “That is important business!”

“I would say it is the most sacred of all my duties,” said Mirion. “And undoubtedly the one I take the most pride and pleasure in.” He touched his hand over his heart and smiled. “I am honored that Ada and Ammë have chosen to pass the charge on to me. However, sometimes I fear I make a disappointing substitute for the King and Queen.”

“You are the Crown Prince,” Legolas declared in his simple reasoning. “The task suits you.” 

“Well, they will at least be glad to receive the blessing from not just one but two princes.” Mirion glanced sideways at his littlest brother. “Has Ammë taught you the Kyermë?”

Legolas flushed red to his eartips and dropped his chin. “She made me recite it once…or twice…” he mumbled. He did not want to admit that their mother’s repeated attempts to teach him the holy prayer have so far remained unsuccessful. “I have not quite mastered it… yet.”

“It is Ancient Quenya, and so many words are difficult,” Mirion said sympathetically, though Legolas knew well that his eldest brother spoke fluent Quenya as effortlessly as he did Sindarin, Silvan, and Westron. “But do not worry yourself. Watch closely and do as I do, and all will be well.”

A short ride took their party past the northwestern border of the King’s lands and straight into Willowdell, a village of a few dozen dwellings scattered amongst the whiteleaf willows. It was just one out of the few hundred Silvan communities in the Woodland Realm, but one of the handful that Legolas had visited before.

Memories from only two summers ago flooded back to the elfling as they rode up to a large, straw-roofed structure he immediately recognized--the guild hall. Among the elves of Willowdell were the realm’s best crafters, particularly renowned for their basket weaving. Legolas’s father had brought him along to observe the skilled labors of their guild, for it was the Elvenking’s custom to periodically visit the workers from every single trade practiced in Greenwood the Great.

“The kingdom’s true wealth lies in the skilled hands and industrious spirits of our kinfolk,” Thranduil explained to his inquisitive son. “Skills that answer nearly every need or desire of the Free Peoples of Middle-earth, and so we have commerce unlike any Elven realm ever established in these lands. It is my charge as king, our charge as the ruling family, to ensure they have all the resources they need to practice their trades. Through this, we shall all prosper.”

The riders dismounted by the entrance of the guild hall, and the two rear guards took the reins of the horses to secure them on nearby posts. Legolas peered at the closed doors, puzzled by the empty silence so different from the flurry of activity he remembered at his last visit. “Where is everyone?”

“In their homes,” said Mirion. “Feasting and toasting the new life that has joined their village. Our people work hard, but we stop to celebrate and give thanks for the greatest of Eru’s gifts.” 

“Come.” The elder prince motioned to a lone cottage in the distance. “They are waiting.”

Legolas followed, but mulled over in his head the seemingly countless celebrations that followed the begetting of each new elfling. He was most familiar with the Mereth Eruhin, the grandest of the Greenwood festivals when the entire realm was invited to feast at the king’s table. The guests of highest honor were the children born over the past year, and it was a marvel unmatched indeed to see not just one, or even just two or three, babes side by side. Reputedly the greatest number ever presented at Mereth Eruhin was twenty-four, about a century before Legolas was born. He himself had never seen more than eight, and he hoped to witness the record being broken someday. 

An ellon with eager dark eyes and a nervous smile stood at the pathway to the cottage as the princes approached. “My lords, I am truly honored to welcome you to our home.” He bowed low at the waist to each prince, and Legolas tilted his head in the way he had been taught to respond. His father and brothers, even Gelir, looked so regal when they did it, but he always felt like he was just nodding at the ground. 

“The honor is ours Raegnir, to bring you the King and Queen’s congratulations,” Mirion said, and they followed the new father into the cottage. Two guards each carried in an oak chest emblazoned with the Elvenking’s crest, which they set down by the entryway before leaving to stand outside with the rest of the escort.

An elleth sat upon a wicker rocking chair by the warmth of the hearth. She looked up from the small bundle cradled in her arms and hurried to rise, but Mirion quickly motioned for her to remain where she was. “Please. There is no need to disturb his rest, or yours.” While Legolas hovered some distance away, the Crown Prince went down on one knee before the young mother. 

“You are Breneril?” When she nodded in answer, Mirion smiled. “May I know the little one’s name?”

“We have named him Glaenir, my lord.” She leaned forward and carefully adjusted the swaddling clothes to offer him a better view. 

In spite of himself, Legolas also crept a few steps forward to look at the sweet, pink face with squinty eyes, puckered lips, and a little dot of a nose. “He is so small!” he breathed an awestruck whisper. Then he clamped a hand over his mouth, for the infant suddenly stirred and popped a tiny fist out from under the swaddle, as though reaching for the faces hovering above him. 

“Would you like to hold him, Caun-i-Conin?” offered Breneril. “He has a calm nature.”

Legolas keenly watched the transfer of this precious bundle from the mother to Mirion. The newborn seemed to shrink and appear even tinier, more fragile in his brother’s arms. Mirion surpassed all the Woodland princes in size; he was bigger than their father or even Turhir, although not as tall as either. And he was almost frighteningly strong; Legolas had spent much time watching him flatten and taper enormous plates of steel at the palace smithy, swinging a great hammer the elfling could barely raise off the ground. 

His physical strength did not encroach into his gentle nature, however, and Legolas was reminded of this as Mirion cradled Glaenir to his chest, resting the little head upon his broad shoulder. His hand, with fingers thick with callouses, smoothed the baby’s fine dark hair, and he started to hum a tender lullaby as he rocked side to side. 

“He is of a sweet and trusting nature indeed,” Mirion remarked to the parents, who beamed as they watched this scene unfold. “Not even one of my brothers was this accepting of me the first time I carried them.”

“We were certain he would take to you, my lord,” said Raegnir. “If I may say so, fatherhood will suit you well. May the day soon come when you beget children of your own.” 

Mirion smiled, but as he glanced down at the child nestled against his chest, a strange sadness passed over his face. “You are very kind.” After one last caress of the baby’s head, he reached out and carefully returned Glaenir to his parents. “If you are ready, Prince Legolas and I will proceed with the blessing.”

Legolas hurried to follow Mirion’s instructions as they made the preparations. While one of the oak chests was filled with various presents for the new elfling, such as clothing and toys, the other held a single gift far more special and invaluable. 

Legolas stopped to admire the calarsil as he drew it out of the chest and held it between his hands. A similar orb-shaped lantern wrought in silver hung at his bedside in the palace, and hundreds more shone in the homes of every Greenwood elf born in the Third Age. No two calarsils were exactly alike, but each one bore a crystal in its center about the size of an acorn, from which issued a soft white light that pulsed like candle flame. It was a light that, by design of its maker, would shine faithfully and unceasingly until the crystal was smashed. 

Mothers had taken to calling this crafted gemstone a faemir. With it they taught their children about Eru Iluvatar, and about his gift of fëa through which they had life and strength and goodness. 

Legolas brought the calarsil to the baby’s parents. Raegnir bowed as he accepted it, giving repeated thanks, and tears flowed from Breneril’s eyes, so moved was she by the lantern’s beauty and the love it represented. 

As Breneril cradled their son at her breast, Raegnir held the lantern over the child’s head. Mirion stepped close to the young family and with his eyes lowered to the newborn’s face, began to sing the Kyermë. 

Legolas bowed his head and murmured along the few words he could remember, but did so as quietly as he could. His brother’s deep, rich tone was especially pleasing in song, and he did not want to tarnish it. While Legolas did not know its exact translation, he knew from his mother’s teachings that the Quenyan hymn was a prayer of supplication for Eru’s graces. The Queen herself learned it from her own mother, who carried it across the Belegaer with all the other memories of her birthplace in Tirion.

“The Crown’s Blessing is a promise,” Queen Maereth had told him. “From us, the King’s family, to all those born in Greenwood, that we will care for them as our own, until their fëa departs this world. The Kyermë invokes Eru and hallows that promise, so we must never break it.”

The sun had set by the time they had finished, and when the princes exited the cottage, a crowd had gathered outside to commence the village’s celebration. It took a while longer for them to politely take their leave, for Mirion was determined not to disappoint anyone wishing to greet and speak with him.

“The Woodland Realm grows,” Mirion mused aloud, as they finally rode out of Willowdell and made for the Forest Road. “You have not lived long enough to notice, but when I was your age, there were not nearly this many elves, this many families, dwelling close to Bâr Lasgalen. Willowdell did not exist at all, and neither did most of the villages north of the Emyn Duir.”

“That is good, is it not?”

“Yes, and it has been Ada’s goal since he came to the throne. ‘A kingdom with people as numerous and radiant as Elbereth’s stars’, he told me.” Mirion raised his hand toward the evening skies overhead and smiled at his own childhood memory of riding out in the forest with his father, their path lit only by the evening lights.

“Outside Greenwood, you might hear it said by others that the time of the Eldar has passed, and these lands will soon be left to the Secondborn,” the Crown Prince continued. “But not for our people. Ennor has always been our home, and it shall continue to be for ages unforeseen. In the lands of the Elvenking, we will endure!”

“We will endure.” Legolas repeated the words often spoken by their father at gatherings, claimed by him as the motto of his house. He startled when all six of the guards suddenly shouted the words as well, drawing laughter from his older brother. 

“I have heard from Master Raedor that your riding improves each day by leaps and bounds,” Mirion said. He drew up his stallion’s reins and nodded at the long wide road that stretched before them. “Perhaps you would like to show me. Ammë is waiting!”

Continue reading: Chapter 6 - Last Little One

NOTES:

MIRION THRANDUILION Crown Prince of the Woodland Realm, Heir to the Elvenking’s Throne, Prince of Princes (Caun-i-Conin) Year of Birth: Second Age 3430 Most noteworthy skills: unparalleled skill with the broadsword; bladesmithing Notable physical feature: significantly muscular build Hair Color: silver-blonde Eye Color: green Etymology: “Great Treasure” (Sindarin)

CAUN-I-CONIN (“Prince of Princes” - Sindarin) Royal title bestowed on Prince Mirion of the Woodland Realm by his father King Thranduil in T.A. 225, a few years after the birth of Prince Gelir, the King’s fourth son. This title designates him as chief over his four younger brothers, granting him command over them (individually and as a group) and all forces that may answer to them. However, this authority is not absolute, and can be supplanted by either the King and Queen. In accepting the title, Mirion also swore a sacred oath of responsibility for the welfare of his brothers, as well as any wives they take or children they beget.

MERETH ERUHIN (“Feast of Eru’s Children” - Sindarin) A grand feast hosted each year by the Elvenking for the entire Woodland realm, which began on the first day of Ethuil (Elvish spring), and lasted for twelve days. The tradition was established in T.A. 50 by King Thranduil and Queen Maereth, as a celebration of the realm’s peace and growing prosperity, and in thanksgiving for Eru’s blessings. Elf children are especially celebrated and are traditionally given presents by both the crown and the entire community.

CALARSIL (“Lantern of White Light” - Sindarin) An orb-shaped lantern made of glass and silver containing a light-bearing crystal colloquially called a faemir (“soul gem”). The faemir is a clear crystal that holds and radiates a white light that does not extinguish or fade. It was created by Lord Olondir, the Master Craftsman of the Woodland Realm. He guards the secret of its making, and therefore has crafted every single faemir in existence. The silver lanterns themselves are made by his apprentices.

The tradition of gifting a calarsil to every newborn elf in Greenwood was started by King Thranduil and Queen Maereth early in their reign. The lantern is displayed proudly in the home of its elven owner, who treasures it for life. In the event of the owner’s passing, the lantern is destroyed and the faemir crushed into a fine dust as part of the burial ritual.

#king thranduil #tolkien #thranduil #lord of the rings #thrandaddy #lotr elves #lotr fanfic #legolas #thranduil fanfiction #sotwk story #legolas fanfiction #legolas brothers

[maestro-of-clockwork]

(cont. of torture anon)

I have many research notes on your anatomy. My favorite aspect, physically, would be your shapeshifting ability! But I am partial to your showstopping personality, of course. :}

This doesn't mean you don't have flaws, however. But you don't seem the type to like being told about your own flaws. I've seen many things, many, many things in your life. You are not impossible to break. But I'd like to keep this friendly. :}

I know of my flaws and my limitations - I've no problem with acknowledging that. Most people only know the information I allow them to have.

Since you imply to know such details, I'd like to assert the point that, even if my assumption is correct, I won't allow whatever goal you have in mind be an easy task...if you so choose to act upon them, of course.

But, perhaps a challenge is what you are counting on.

Although I, myself, would prefer to keep this amicability - admittedly because I find you intriguing - I felt that point was important for you to keep in mind.

I would also like to read those research notes sometime! I always like reading others' observations of me.

#ask and you shall receive. {{ a s k }} #dhmis tony #torture anon

[very-grownup]

I watched a movie made in this century and everyone is very impressed

On Friday I watched 2021's THE GREEN KNIGHT. I really liked it! I had a good time! I am not a person who knows or understands movies, particularly contemporary movies (whereas when I'm having attacks of confidence, I can usually acknowledge I have Some book knowledge)!

I did, however, do a seminar in medieval literature and so I've studied the actual text of "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight" and similar poems.

The thing I really liked about THE GREEN KNIGHT is that it FEELS like an adaptation of the 14th century poem, instead of an adaptation of a modern text based on a telephone game version of an Arthurian legend hodgepodge. It's dirty and unglamorous and sexual, instead of pristine chivalric. None of these things mean it's drab, though. I'm used to people approaching the Arthurian legend with a heavy chivalric fantasy lens, with genre fiction writers especially leaning into the fantasy element, or armed with the HISTORICAL FIGURE OF KING ARTHUR mindset which for some reason translates as drab still historically inaccurate stabbing with horses.

(There is a third popular approach, which is weirdass time travel reincarnation but I think that's mostly in books and comics.)

When I say THE GREEN KNIGHT is dirty, I mean it in a textured way, rough and crumbling stone, scrubby moss, sticky blood, lived in and rotting in a natural way. Because the thing about THE GREEN KNIGHT is that it hits the strange space medieval literature was created in by acknowledging and embracing the clash between the pre-literate paganism and the literacy brought with Christianity (moreso than the centuries after the fact recordings of stories from Norway and Iceland). David Lowery clearly favours the natural pre-Christian state and a return to same, which may be the most modern aspect of the adaptation, with the King and Queen heavily adorned with holy imagery while being sickly and faded even when compared to the Mother, and the first thing Gawain encounters leaving the city being the rotting remains of a massive battlefield being pecked over by scavengers. Things become more vibrant and alive the further Gawain gets from this core of Christian civilization, even though it becomes increasingly dangerous.

In a lot of medieval literature, we encountered a tendency where the non-Christian elements were TOTALLY RAD while we also had to acknowledge the order and rules and hierarchy of Christianity was Good, even if it wasn't nearly as TOTALLY RAD as a half-demon baby biting off the nipples of many, many wet nurses.

Even though Lowery's take on the inevitable return to nature is contrary to the righteous Christian goals of the original text (although not so much in "Sir Gawain and the Green Knight" as it is in other works), the result is much the same in the nature of Gawain's quest. The strangeness and danger and beauty of the natural world, the conflict of chivalric codes and the rules of folklore, the fact that the plot stems from Gawain's flaws as a person. Strange things happen and they're accepted with minimal question. A part of the world that is frightening but still known to exist.

Portrayed by Dev Patel, Gawain's flaws are less character flaws than they are the correctable flaws of youth. He's impulsive, quick to act and slow to think, and naïve in both halves of the world. It lets the character journey become one of maturation through the quest, rather than being an archetype going through the steps of a quest.

It was just a good time. Beautiful and sometimes hypnotic and ambiguous in a way I appreciate both because of the inherently ambiguous, 'lost' nature of these source texts, and also because it makes the real goal of the quest an inner question of self without tying it to outside validation for Gawain.

#the green knight #movies #i watched a movie #not my most coherent collection of thoughts

[deusluxmachaera]

There’s this thing I’ve been noticing a lot about typing INFP’s and that is the tendency to Manic Pixie Dream Girl the whole personality. Which while at times is flattering I think does a disservice to the “reality” of the type. An INFP is primarily motivated by their internal morals and ideals. They are an idealistic type. If an INFP’s ideals are monstrous they will cling to those ideals religiously and their actions will reflect them. An INFP that is bigoted, or racist, or nationalistic believes those things are correct, even self-evident. I think many of the historical figures people type as more “Rational” types are typed that way due to a perception that evil is separate from emotional intelligence. It isn’t. I think some or many of the worst people in history are INFPs precisely because their moral codes are so ironclad. 

For fear of invoking Godwin’s Law I can easily see an INFP Nazi camp commandant doing atrocious war crimes to others based on the moral ideal that what they are doing is helping the world, and them being totally secure in that idea. Even using their Ne to come up with new ideas to make the work even faster or easier. INFP idealism is NOT the same as philosophical idealism. An INFP’s idealism is what that individual INFP believes is moral based on an internal examination of feeling. INFP’s uniquely create their own moral codes. Those codes can be incredibly different from society’s.

Although I don’t believe an INFP would enjoy that type of work, I can see them stoically doing it out of a sense of obligation. A stubborn pride that, although the work is dirty, it is a good thing to do. I want to be clear here that I abhor Nazis and every aspect of their ideology. What I’m trying to highlight is the idea of the “fluffy” INFP that daydreams through life or pursues love and friendship is, if not wrong, then deeply flawed and will cause you to mischaracterize many of the people in your life. That’s just my opinion though.

#INFP #I am an INFP #Fuck Nazis #I hate their guts #MBTI #I'm not saying INFP's are evil #just that some can be #Villainous INFP #An Idealist can be the most evil person in the world #well #some are #But that is not universal

[pink-pages]

The Keeper of Night

Spoiler Alert

RRRAAAAAHHHH!!! I am so fucking angry with this book!!! Ok, maybe that’s a bit of an over exaggeration. It’s just that I just finished it, like, 5 minutes ago, and I hate the ending. It’s not that it’s a bad ending, it’s just that it’s not a happy ending. For anyone (Although, honestly, if it were a happy ending for Ren and Hiro, I still would have hated it). Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great book and I recommend it. It’s just one of those books where the ending is so soul-crushingly bleak that you want to tear your own hair out. So yeah, that’s why I deducted one star from my rating.

I deducted star #2 from my rating because I did not like the world of the Reapers. It’s not necessarily that Kylie Lee Baker’s world building was bad. She’s actually fantastic at descriptions. It’s just that the system the Reapers of England have for collecting souls seems so mundane. I also would have liked to see a little more of Ren’s life in London before she left for Japan. Obviously, I understand that there can’t be a whole lot of talking about her London life because the bulk of the action doesn’t happen until she reaches Japan, but seeing her interact with her father and stepmother would be helpful at building up her background.

Other than those two points (which are both matters of opinion), I really liked The Keeper of Night. Some of my favorite aspects of the book were Ren and Neven’s sibling interactions. I liked their bickering. I did not like their larger arguments as the book went on, but the light bickering about “goddamnit Neven, we’re trying to run away. Are you really bringing a cat?!” and other small stuff like that was fun. I also really enjoyed Hiro’s jokes.

I think the part about it that I loved the most was the folklore and myth. I loved learning the stories behind the different types of Yokai. I especially loved the little passages from Hakutaku’s book that Hiro read to Ren and Neven. I wish I could somehow get my hands on Hakutaku’s book (although I’m not sure if it’s even real).

The Keeper of Night also explores the biracial experience. Ren’s desire to be recognized as a Shinigami and her experiences in both England and Japan directly parallel the struggle between her identities as British or Japanese. This also relates to real life, often times biracial people are often not recognized as members of either of their communities. For example, a mixed race black and white person being seen as too black to be white but too white to be black.

Characters

Ren: I did not like Ren. Ren made me angry. I guess it’s partly because I don’t understand what it’s like to be identified as “other” on appearance by the people I identify with. No matter which part of her heritage Ren tries to identify with, she’s always recognized as an outsider. I don’t have that experience so I don’t understand her anger as much as other readers who relate to her can. That being said, her anger doesn’t excuse the way she treats her brother. Neven has stuck by her through everything. The only thing he asks is that she not kill people indiscriminately and be very wary of Hiro and in the end, she chooses Hiro over him. That’s something I will never forgive her for. As an older sibling myself, I would always always put my sisters above any boyfriend or love interest. I’m honestly more angry at her for what happened to Neven than JD Hiro because Ren had a duty to protect Neven and she actively chose not to.

Neven: Such a sweetheart. I love Neven. He’s just so fundamentally good. He didn’t deserve any of what he got at the end. I’m not saying he didn’t have flaws, because he did, but even what I see as his biggest flaw is also a mark of how insanely good he is. I think Neven’s biggest flaw is being too morally correct. I think he was only looking at the murder of Izanami from a “matricide is wrong” perspective and not accounting for all the nuances involved in this particular case. In this case, Izanami is a horrible being and a horrible mother that needs to be killed.

Hiro: JD. This man is JD from Heathers except a Japanese fisherman god. Also I have a little bit more sympathy for Hiro than I did for JD. I mean, he’s got the same charm that JD’s got and that same warped view of love. The difference is A) I fell for Hiro’s charms; and B) Hiro shows a range of emotions that make him seem more human than JD. I loved Hiro the moment we met him, which kind of tipped me off. For some reason, authors just can’t seem to be nice to my favorite characters; either they’re traitors or they die. In this case, both. I can definitely see how Hiro came to be the way he is. Being disowned by his mother and then wandering the Earth. He’s afraid of being alone and unwanted. That’s why he did what he did to Neven (and anyone else he perceived as hurting Ren or coming between him and Ren). He was trying to keep Ren with him. His whole story is honestly a tragedy and I fully blame Izanami for the way he turned out. I was most definitely on his side until he had Neven thrown to the deep darkness.

#book review #bookworm #kylie lee baker #the keeper of night #fiction

[azbreasts-blog]

Plastic Surgery: A Confidence-Boosting, Self-Love Approach

Ever wondered how plastic surgery improves self-esteem? This article explains it all and highlights scientific studies supporting the benefits of cosmetic surgery.

Plastic surgery in Scottsdale, Arizona does more than enhance physical appearances — it is also a medium for self-love. Practicing self-love allows you to feel good about yourself. It paves the way for developing healthy self-esteem by boosting physical and mental well-being, as well as psychological health. The question is — how does plastic surgery relate to this matter?

Join us as we explore every aspect of this medium for self-love. In the following paragraphs, we will discuss how plastic surgery boosts confidence and self-esteem, resolves inner insecurities, and mitigates body dissatisfaction. This article also highlights three case studies demonstrating the effect of cosmetic surgery on self-esteem and body image.

How Plastic Surgery Improves Self-Esteem

Plastic surgery boosts self-confidence in many ways, although the impact can vary from patient to patient. In particular, here are the seven ways plastic surgery affects self-esteem:

1. Diminishes physical “flaws”

Plastic and cosmetic surgery can address physical features that cause feelings of insecurity or unhappiness. “Correcting” these self-perceived flaws can increase one’s sense of attractiveness, boosting self-esteem. As they say, when you look good, you feel good.

2. Achieves face and body image ideals

From facelifts to breast augmentations and body contouring procedures, they can blur the lines between one’s desired appearance and natural appearance.

3. Reduces Social Anxiety

For some individuals, prominent physical features or perceived imperfections can lead to irrational fears of being judged. “We are our own worst critic.” Individuals who are self-conscious about their appearance may feel more confident and put themselves out there if they are attractive in their own eyes.

4. Expand clothing options

To hide their body, some individuals exclusively wear baggy clothes, which may indicate body image and self-esteem issues. Some clothing styles, such as pieces that hug curves or accentuate certain features, may work better following plastic surgery. For example, breast revision surgery may give women with large breasts more wardrobe options, eliminating the fear of accidental nudity or nip slips. Tummy tuck and liposuction, which sculpts and contours the abdominal area, can also encourage individuals to expand their clothing options.

5. Promotes positive feedback loop

Even the slightest improvement in physical appearance can lead to more compliments from others. This feedback can restructure a person’s self-perception from negative to positive, boosting self-esteem.

6. Stimulates post-traumatic healing

Those who have experienced injuries or medical conditions that altered their appearance may consider reconstructive plastic surgery. For example, breast reconstruction surgery to recreate breasts after a mastectomy or lumpectomy may aid mental healing. In addition, it may help women regain their sense of normalcy and femininity, positively impacting their self-esteem.

7. Improves mental wellness

Having fine lines and wrinkles can be discouraging, especially for individuals far from their senior years. Rather than taking care of themselves by exercising, pursuing a balanced diet, and practicing self-care, they may lose hope and see no point in bettering themselves due to their “aged appearance.” Minimizing the signs of aging through a facelift (or injectable fillers) may shift a person’s perspective for the better. In fact, looking and feeling younger reduces the risk of depression and improves mental well-being.

Despite these benefits, remember that cosmetic surgery is only one side of the spectrum. Those considering a tummy tuck, breast augmentation, or any other surgical procedure should do it for themselves, NOT to impress a partner or to meet society’s beauty standards. If you are unsure whether to go under the knife or embrace your natural and beautiful self, check out this blog post.

Scientific Findings on the Link Between Plastic Surgery and Self-Esteem

How cosmetic interventions impact individuals’ self-esteem is a complex topic. Fortunately, the following studies explore this intricate relationship, revealing intriguing insights.

Case Study #1

In 2022, a group of researchers conducted a systematic meta-analysis and review of 23 articles on body image and self-esteem. All publications were available in notable databases, including Science Direct, PubMed, Web of Science, Cochrane, Scopus, and Embase.

The studies analyzed involved 1083 participants in the body image intervention group and 1232 in the self-esteem intervention group. Following cosmetic surgery, the researchers observed a favorable shift in both aspects. Body image scores were up by 1.3 ± 0.36, and self-esteem scores by 1.1 ± 0.24. The results indicated improvements in self-regard and overall perception of one’s physical appearance following surgery.

Case Study #2

Research published in the International Journal of Emergency Mental Health and Human Resilience demonstrated how cosmetic surgery increases the self-esteem of Iranian males and females with maxillofacial issues (e.g., facial injuries, tumors and cysts of the jaw, cleft palates, and other conditions that alter one’s physical features). However, the researchers noted that individuals with psychological concerns or “identity diffusion” should avoid surgery or seek help from a mental health provider before considering plastic surgery. They stressed the importance of thoroughly evaluating patients’ mental and psychological wellness to determine their eligibility for facial plastic surgery.

Case Study #3

A 2020 study focused on measuring three key variables: sexual self-esteem, body image, and well-being before and after cosmetic surgery. It involved 80 female participants with similar age, education, and marital status. The researchers collected data from the women using the Zeanah and Schwarz sexual self-esteem questionnaire, the Fisher body image questionnaire, and the Ryff psychological well-being questionnaire.

In the study’s conclusion, the average scores of all three variables differed dramatically before and after plastic surgery. The findings exhibited that married women who enhanced their physical appearance through cosmetic surgery experienced improvements in sexual self-esteem, body image, and well-being.

A Word of Advice

While studies suggest that plastic surgery can have a positive impact on self-esteem and body image, individual experiences will still vary. Factors such as psychological outlook, expectations, and motivations play a role in shaping outcomes. Moreover, although many patients experience heightened self-confidence and body satisfaction post-surgery, some may not achieve the same benefits of plastic surgery.

Undergoing cosmetic enhancements must stem from genuine personal desires, well-considered reasons, and thorough deliberations. Surgery pursued to conform to external pressures or unrealistic ideals could lead to dissatisfaction or regret. Therefore, ensure to engage in open and honest consultations with a board-certified surgeon before proceeding to go under the knife.

Raise Your Self-Esteem With Plastic Surgery in Phoenix, AZ

Are you ready to look your best, feel your most confident, and live life to the fullest? Complete this online form to schedule your private consultation with award-winning board-certified plastic surgeon Dr. Aldo Guerra. He looks forward to helping you explore your options and understand everything you need to know about this medium for self-love.

[opportunistic-chicanery]

@grandvizier asked:

Dream of Life: What did your muse always picture their adult life as growing up?

What the World Needs: What are your muse’s most problematic/flawed beliefs? Are they aware that what they believe is messed up or do they genuinely think they’re correct?

This Song is Awesome: What does your muse value most about themselves and their lives?

Talia: Who would your muse say has shaped them the most over the years?

Dream of Life: He didn’t always have the same one. At first he thought he was just going to work as Motherboard’s tech forever. That was he was built for after all. But even at that stage, he really wanted the glory and power that came with being a prince, which he was, although it was more of a ‘in title only’ position. Early on, he was pretty sure it was just going to be a daydream that wasn’t possible. As he got a little older, he wanted to be a rockstar. He was going to have thousands of fans and get anything he wanted. Like a prince should, thank you very much. He was very attracted by the fame aspect, but also the rebellion that came with classic rock. Everyone hated rock when they first heard it, but that didn’t make it bad, just too cool for the mainstream to understand. He wanted it so badly he would play as loud as he could on his school campus, and got in very big trouble for it. Although instead of feeling bad, it became the highlight of his life up until that point.

What the World Needs: He believes that Motherboard is the one who held him back from being what he’s always wanted to be and anyone who sides with Motherboard instead of him wants him to fail. This caused him to lash out at the people who cared about him (namely Marbles, Digit and Coop), sometimes in violent ways. He has a lot of hate brought on by a combination of ego and fear and although he dislikes the angry part of himself, he still doesn’t think this belief is wrong. Still a small part of him is upset with himself for lashing out at Coop who he did succeed in harming in a very permanent way. Ultimately the only one he really wants dead is Motherboard and he tries to keep that in mind. Of course trying to kill anyone is in itself a flawed belief, but he is very much set on Motherboard.

This Song is Awesome: His body, particular his chin. Yes, it sounds swallow, but that’s his trademark! No one in Cyberspace or any other universe has ever seen one comparable. Why, the whole of him is practically work on art in itself. He should be in a museum! People who pay to look at him. And of course there’s also his greenness. #C8E77F to be precise, also perfect.

Talia: If you asked him, he would say himself. He both literally and figuratively shaped himself into what he is today which is nothing like the himself Motherboard made so don’t expect him to be nice to you or anything. Helping people is for the suckers that waste time doing that. But the truth is a bit more complicated that that. There’s really a lot of people who influenced him directly and indirectly along the way. Arguably Motherboard is the one who shape him the most, though unintentionally. For a large part of his life, everything he did revolved around her so naturally, much of his personality and goals came from his experiences during that time. And of course his current goal is to get rid of her.

#grandvizier #ask replies #//I wrote so much and could have written more haha #//but didn’t want to make you read a novel

[the-skin-lounge-llc]

What You Need To Know Before Getting Cosmetic Surgery

Skin treatment involves correcting, or reforming an aspect of the body that someone is either unhappy with. Or needs to change for medical reasons. These procedures are popular, but not without risk. Understanding all that is involved in a plastic surgery procedure is important before going under the knife. This article will serve as your starting point, for gaining information about your upcoming procedure.

Always make sure that you meet the surgeon who will be administering your procedure ahead of time. In many cases, the only people, you come in contact with are counselors and nurses. Do not settle with that: Insist that you would like to meet the surgeon who will be in charge. You should choose another surgeon if your request is not granted.

The use of anesthesia always comes with possible risks and side effects. During a surgical procedure, a heart arrhythmia can develop. General anesthesia sometimes causes the heart to develop an abnormal rhythm. Often it is a result of inefficient blood flow while under the anesthesia. This can cause an arrhythmia or a heartbeat that is considered irregular.

It is very important to choose a Skin Lounge that has the proper certifications, to perform the procedures that you seek to get. A lot of doctors who are inexperienced in the type of service you want will offer their services to you. If you go with a doctor who has no experience, then you run the risk of the procedure not going well.

Ask the doctor to show you pictures of past plastic surgeries he has performed. Hopefully, the doctor that you are considering will be able to show you some of his work. This will help you see if you want to choose him to do your plastic surgery, or not.

If you are getting a liposuction, or a similar operation, ask your surgeon if there is anything you can do after the operation, to keep your weight down. You will probably have to get some exercise every day. Adopt a healthy diet for the effects of your surgery to last.

Check for malpractice suits before you choose a surgeon. While some malpractice suits are started frivolously, a surgeon with a history of such suits is probably a poor choice. State licensing boards, and other such local certification agencies can tell you about the malpractice history of your surgeon before you commit.

Before you have surgery, validate the credentials of the surgeon. Make certain they have the education, and experience to perform the procedure. This simple step helps to ensure a positive outcome from the surgery. You should also ensure that their license, and insurance is current, and valid in your state.

To ensure you get a good surgeon, ask where your surgeon has hospital privileges. Many surgeons practice from outpatient clinics instead of hospitals. Hospital privileges can still help potential patients determine the surgeon's credentials. Hospitals will do background checks against the surgeon's certifications, and malpractice history. Surgeons without hospital privileges need to have a good explanation for this lack.

The most important thing to consider prior to any cosmetic procedure is whether or not you actually need the surgery. Although the majority of cosmetic surgeries have positive outcomes, these procedures are not without risk. Dissatisfaction with the results, injury or even death are all possible, so it is crucial that you are certain the potential benefits outweigh the potential risks.

Find out from your doctor, who will be administering the anesthesia. It will either come from the surgeon, a specially-trained nurse depending on the complexity of the procedure, or an anesthesiologist. You have the right to insist that a second person administer the anesthesia as a precaution, but it will most likely cost you more.

While you may want to enhance certain parts of your body, do not look at fibroblast plasma skin tightening as a way to change the way you look in its entirety. Use it to play up your natural features, and cover up any minor flaws, that you think make you look less than beautiful.

This article has provided you with some valuable information, about the plastic surgery procedure you are considering. Review the facts presented here, and discuss them with your physician. That is the surest way to undergo a stress-free procedure. See the end result that you are hoping for.

#fibroblast plasma skin tightening #plasma fibroblast skin tightening #fibroblast skin tightening #Skin Clinic Near Me #face skin tightening near me

[imlanguages-hk]

Ways To Develop Your Emotional Intelligence

One of the most reliable predictors of economic success is emotional intelligence (EQ or EI). Why? Having emotional intelligence (EQ) means being able to not only understand and control your own emotions but also those of others. people who performed the best at work also have higher levels of emotional intelligence. And low performers have an EQ of 80%, compared to 90% of high performers who have a high EQ. Simply put, it's important to have emotional intelligence. Because of the strained relationship they have with their supervisor, many of my clients frequently come to me ready to quit, frustrated that they have with their bosses. I typically notice that these leaders aren't exhibiting strong levels of emotional intelligence when I pay attention to what is happening. Avoid becoming that person!

Here are five strategies for improving your emotional quotient.

Control your negative feelings. You're less likely to feel overwhelmed if you can control and lessen your negative feelings. It's true that saying than doing. Do this: Do not assume the worst when someone upsets you. Instead, give yourself permission to consider the subject from a variety of angles. To avoid getting agitated as easily, try to view situations objectively. Utilize mindfulness at work and observe how it changes your viewpoint.

Be mindful of your words. Work on improving your communication skills at work. When communicating flaws, emotionally intelligent people often use more precise language that can help, and they act swiftly to correct them. A negative encounter with your boss occurred? What went wrong, and what can you do differently the next time? Knowing exactly what is happening increases your chances of solving the issue rather than letting it fester.

Develop empathy. Concentrating on verbal and nonverbal signs might provide you with priceless insight into your coworkers' or clients' emotions. Practice focusing on others and putting yourself in their position, even for a brief period of time. While empathetic remarks do not justify unacceptable behavior, they do serve as a helpful reminder that everyone has their own problems.

Know what stresses you out. Analyze your stressors and take proactive steps to reduce them in your life. Leave it for the morning if you are aware that checking your work email right before night will send you into a tailspin. Leave it till you get to the office, if possible.

Recover from hardship. Everybody faces difficulties. Your response to these difficulties will determine whether you succeed or go into full-on meltdown mode. You are well aware of the power of positive thinking. Rather than moaning, try to be optimistic to assist you to overcome hardship. What can you take away from this experience? To determine what you can learn from the current challenge, pose helpful questions.

As long as you want to improve it, emotional intelligence can develop over time. Every person, obstacle, and circumstance you encounter is a valuable learning opportunity to gauge your EQ. Although it requires practice, you can instantly begin to enjoy the advantages.

A high level of emotional intelligence will benefit you in many aspects of your life, including interactions at work and in social situations.

Imlanguages.com is a premier training provider for emotional intelligence and language acquisition in the workplace. We offer many different courses in both English and Spanish. Imlanguages.com offer emotional intelligence classes. Emotional intelligence is important for personal and business relationships. Imlanguages.com is a premier Courses For Emotional Intelligence provider for emotional intelligence, Emotional Awareness, and language acquisition in the workplace. Visit our website for more details. Please explore our website for more details.

[brainwork5]

Ageless Design Ideas To Keep You In Fashion

Everyone understands that in case you gaze far better, you really feel greater. Nonetheless, there may be a whole lot on the market about style that it's challenging to know what to hear and what things to disregard. Below are a few fantastic design recommendations therefore you are usually in style, regardless of where you happen to be heading. Don't be afraid to top off of your personal style having an wonderful head wear. In days went by, it was actually common for women and men to put on hats each and every day. That which was as soon as the height of design has, unfortunately, dropped for the wayside these days. Be exciting, and complete off of your look by having an ultra-cool fedora or perhaps a rather direct sun light hat. If cheap sex dolls , bed linen tshirt or couple of denims that suits you perfectly and causes you to appearance and feel amazing, purchase 2 of them. Creative designers make their funds if you make changes annually so that buyers will purchase new items every time of year. You may not actually have the ability to replace that much loved piece that provides you a whole lot enjoyment and self-confidence. Get rid of your wardrobe. Far more clothing can lead to much less choices for you to wear. Whenever your cabinet is packed with options, your style can be baffled. Have the time to clear out items that have experienced tiny use or do not fit anymore. A pick number of selections which can be fashionable and functional will show much more helpful than garments that were trendy two decades back. Be noticeable by adopting your unique capabilities. Some may possibly see substantial cheekbones or delivery spots as defects, but highlighting the thing that makes the person you will be will set you away from each other. Men and women will keep in mind you for your "flaw" and may also find you more pleasing for doing it. That cute little mole or dimples could be your marketing level. If you dress in natural leather, care for it. If you purchase a leather garment, question the salesman what type of dog was applied for it and exactly what the tanning process was. Discover the specific care techniques you must acquire both immediately after buy as well as over the life-time of your garment. Many people are of the opinion that vibrant hues should basically be donned in the spring and summertime this may not be correct. It is actually flawlessly fine to use better colors during the cold months it is just a matter of the method that you use them. Although dazzling sweaters are great, brilliant trousers are not! Individual a great sizeable pair of black color eyeglasses. In case you have reddish colored eyeballs from your difficult night or beneath eyes bags from a inadequate night's sleep at night, you are able to cover up them with an elegant couple of sun glasses. They are a classic, gorgeous design and evoke Audrey Hepburn or Jackie Kennedy. A nice combine may be experienced with a good price. Stay away from wearing staff throat and vessel neck tops should you wear a sizable bra dimensions. As an alternative, select shirts having a v-neck. Other types of necklines can give you a stockier impression, although v-necks will give you a much better system series. Try variations out, and you might observe that v-the neck and throat t shirts look much better. There are several important aspects you should look at to obtain the best suit. Some key elements include the cost, your budget, the standard, the company, dimensions, style and color. If you take your time and think about each and everyone of these elements, then you are sure to get the suit that suits you merely appropriate. 1 excellent fashion suggestion to take into account is the fact that just one thing no more than a control button can create a large effect on your entire seem. This is important because this technique can be used to enhance a well used outfit and provide you a completely new try to find not much funds. Use reliable hues to compensate for the bodyweight. In case you are heavy, darker colours will soak up gentle and help you appear more compact. Should you be little and wish to appear larger, choose lighter weight shades and enough clothes. When hemming your jeans, go ahead and take level of your boots under consideration. The hem of your jeans should be 50 % to three fourths of your " off of the ground. Maintain two measures of slacks. Have slacks that you can put on high heels with and versions you can use with level boots. Know your whole body shape and find the variations that be right for you. Have you got an hourglass, apple company, or pear shape? Once you find out the specific type of body you have, you can then get started to understand which shades and designs function the most effective per your shape. Following locating your area of interest, your style will progress. If you have a big bust, try out a swimwear which includes broad-establish straps so as to make them appear small. A bikini best that has a secret cable that offers extra help is additionally beneficial at the same time. There are numerous other choices, but the trick is they can be offered. A lot of people get trapped when they are older trying to keep up with the latest fashions of your youthful masses. There is not any sense with this since there is lots of style and allure offered in the grown-up entire world. You are able to seem the best, and you could display what you've got. A bulging stomach can certainly make your design expertise a horrible horror. If you belong to this class, you have to be sure that you do something to fix your problem, as wearing the correct garments will not fix the problem in the end. Try out a mix of a healthy diet as well as a great exercise routine. Should you be small, and petite, you then must steer clear of wearing powerful printing and loosened, chunky garments. This may not look great upon you. Rather, you need to achieve fitted clothing and delicate fabrics, and ensure that you streamline every thing which means your entire body will not be getting minimize by 50 percent. Use the suggestions in this article to enhance your wardrobe and where by what seems greatest on you. Even though you haven't compensated attention just before, you'll learn that when you look excellent, you feel excellent. Okay track your fashion sense and you will probably look fantastic everywhere you happen to go.

#doll #romance #love

[wonda-cat]

Misconceptions About Tommyinnit’s Character That Genuinely INFURIATE Me

Since the recent events following the second L’Manburg Festival and subsequent war, I’ve seen many, many hot takes surrounding the nature of Tommyinnit’s character on the SMP. Some of which annoyed me to the point where I felt compelled to sit down and actually write this. I’m going to only be highlighting the most common complaints or questions I’ve seen, one by one, in hopes of providing a better understanding of Tommy’s character for anyone interested. (I also briefly discuss Techno and Tubbo’s characters as well.)

If you’ve said similar things to what I’m going to be discussing below, please know that it’s perfectly understandable how you’d come to these conclusions. Some of these aspects of Tommy’s character are not always obvious; especially if being watched from another streamer’s POV. This may become quite lengthy, so bear with me for now.

“Tommy’s motives are all over the place. He can’t decide whether he wants the discs back or not.”

Tommy is actually one of the most motivationally consistent characters on the entire Dream SMP. Even Techno, someone completely confident in their ideals, does more motivational flipping than Tommy. From the very start of the story, Tommy has always cared for three things; L’Manburg, Tubbo, and his music discs. However, him caring for something is not itself a motivation. 

Surprisingly enough, his motivation isn’t even just, ‘Get my discs back,’ like many assume it is. Tommy’s one true motivation, since the end of the Independence War, has always been, ‘Keep things the way they are now.’ 

Tommy’s one fatal flaw is that he is resistant to change and refuses to let go of the past. This is seen through all of his actions and words; in all conflicts involving him. This flaw is the drive to all of Tommy’s mistakes. Burning down George’s house, an action which resulted in him getting exiled, was done out of a desire to pull pranks the way he used to before the first war. His friendship with Ranboo started because Tommy said he reminded him of Tubbo, back before he was President. 

Tommy still talks highly of Wilbur because he chooses to remember him as the wise, kind mentor who cared for him. This motive is the reason he defends L’Manburg so fiercely; it’s his memory of a better past. This is why he holds grudges more often than any other character; especially refusing to forgive Techno after he killed Tubbo during the Manburg Massacre.

It’s why Tommy falls under extreme distress whenever Tubbo or Quackity tell him that something will never be the same again. This motivation is entirely formed from an underlying desire for peace and comfort, something Tommy has been denied since being forced into a life wrought with war and death. To accept change, to Tommy, is painful and terrifying. But he will only ever truly be happy when he finally learns to let go.

“Why do the discs matter so much to Tommy? They’re not actually worth anything.”

Tommy’s discs are much more than just any ordinary pair of music discs. They were never important for their material worth, but for what Tommy was willing to sacrifice in order to keep them. Tommy is entirely what gives the discs their value. 

Tommy also commonly operates under the Sunk-Cost Fallacy, wherein he’s invested too much of himself into something to just abandon it, even if it’s causing him problems. This mentality is a huge piece of what keeps him tied to both L’Manburg and to his discs. He’s sacrificed too much at this point to simply let them go. If he admits the discs are worthless, then he’s admitting that he wasted all this time and effort, just to keep them.

The discs also act as a constant source of hope for Tommy because they are directly tied with his motivations as a character. They’re something he’s had since the very beginning. They’re something he used to listen to with Tubbo on their shared bench. 

To Tommy, they symbolize a life before war, filled with comfort and peace. They are a love letter to his country and his late mentor Wilbur. They are a physical representation of Tubbo’s companionship. They are the only thing, besides L’Manburg and his best friend, that gives him the hope that he can one day return things to the way they used to be. 

This ideal, paired with Tommy’s refusal to let go, has left him ruthlessly pursuing the things he’s lost. Not his music discs, but his peace and comfort, his friendship, his country, his mentor Wilbur, and his life before war.

In his desperation to hold onto his prized possession, it has only hurt and pushed away the people that love him. If Tommy continues to ignore this reality, while still refusing to resolve his major flaw entwined with it, he will lose all that the discs had once stood for. He will lose his country, then his friend Tubbo, and then he will lose himself.

“Tommy never grows or learns from his mistakes. This makes him a badly written character.”

Characters do not have to constantly learn from their actions to be well-written. Tommy is one of the best examples of this. The fact that his growth is infrequent is the entire point of his character; it’s completely stemmed from his fatal flaw. 

By addressing himself, he would be accepting change, something that terrifies him; something he stubbornly resists until he is absolutely forced to confront it. Contrary to popular belief, Tommy knows when he makes mistakes, but he pretends to be ignorant as to avoid facing reality. He digs his head in the sand despite knowing better, puppeteering the person he used to be during happier times, now gone.

In spite of his infrequent growth, the idea that Tommy still hasn’t learned anything isn’t quite correct either. Tommy, as of the last three plot streams, has shown incredible character development. By giving up his discs again, he had finally demonstrated that Tubbo is more important to him than his possessions. Speaking as a makeshift leader, he put aside his issues with others to rally them together against a common threat, something which Tommy had never been able to do before. He owned up to all of his mistakes openly, apologizing to everyone he’s ever hurt in one place. 

He apologized to Tubbo after they were reunited and came to terms with the fact that Tubbo was forced to exile him without choice, finally forgiving him. He was kind to Sapnap and learned how to be his friend after months of bitter rivalry. And these are only a few examples. This isn’t to say Tommy has overcome/fixed everything because he clearly hasn’t. There are still major things Tommy needs to work through that remain unaddressed, the biggest being his complicated relationship with Technoblade.

“Tommy only cares about himself. He does everything in his power to be the hero, always putting himself in the center of attention, especially during Doomsday.”

Tommy, since the start of the L’Manburg War for Independence, has never set out to be a hero. Not once. He may fall into the role of the protagonist, but his identity as a hero was pushed onto him by others. Giving up the discs was his only option during the Independence War. 

So when Wilbur called him a hero for it, Tommy said he didn’t feel like he was. During the November 16th War, Tommy again said he didn’t feel like a hero because he had lost what he thought was everything at the time. During exile, Tommy certainly knew he was no hero. And upon reuniting with Tubbo, he admitted to feeling like the farthest thing from it. That he’d hurt everyone and all he wanted to do now was fix it. 

The day before Doomsday, Tommy only took a leadership position because no one else was willing to, filling the role for Tubbo, who was crumbling under pressure. He had no choice but to try to bring everyone together, or fight alone. Most viewers never saw this during Doomsday, but before the battle, almost everyone who had vowed to fight alongside L’Manburg had abandoned them the very next day. They were convinced it was going to be destroyed either way, no matter what they did, so they chose not to see it through to the end; ultimately leaving Tommy and those who remained to fight a losing battle, alone. 

After about a third of the way through the battle, it became clear to everyone that they could do nothing to win. One by one, everyone stopped fighting and stood by to watch their country go up in smoke. Tommy was the only person on the battlefield who refused to stand down and give up. And so he took over the role as leader again, trying his best to keep them alive, to keep Tubbo hopeful; to keep fighting, no matter what. 

However, what most people don’t realize, is that this isn’t Tommy trying to be a hero or force himself into the spotlight. This is Tommy trying to convince himself to keep going. Because whenever things start to look hopeless, Tommy simply chooses to ignore them. He puts on a happy face and soldiers through it because that’s all he knows how to do. Tommy, at his core, is someone who wants peace through stagnation. He doesn’t want to fight, although causing the occasional friendly conflict is how he finds fun. He doesn’t set out to purposely hurt others. 

Tommy may come across as self-centered, but this is because he is an extremely extroverted character. He finds energy and joy in the attention of others, both good and bad. It’s why he’s always seeking the approval of others and, oftentimes, will destructively insert himself into another person’s life in order to find it. 

Out of every character in the story, Tommy is the most drawn to praise and positive reinforcement. He is constantly seeking out mentors and friends because Tommy needs someone else to help him feel confident in his own identity and abilities. It’s why Wilbur was such a positive influence on him. His boisterous confidence has always been a front because if anyone were to actually hurt him, he knows it will make his self-esteem crumble instantly. 

This is part of why Dream’s manipulation was so effective against him. By isolating him, he’s left without energy and looking to another person’s guidance. Tommy outwardly may seem independent and rude, but just under the skin, he’s unconfident and lost when he’s by himself. Tommy will only grow from this flaw when he finds his own identity and inner confidence; when he finally learns to be okay with being alone.

“Tommy goes to the festival solely to get his disc back and then tells Tubbo to give it away immediately after. That doesn’t make any sense.”

Before the screaming match between the two friends during the second L’Manburg Festival, Tommy had been in exile, manipulated by Dream for long enough to lose his will to carry on. It is because of him that Tommy’s reality becomes distorted, long after fleeing from his abuser. This mangling of ideals leads Tommy to subconsciously believe that L’Manburg and Tubbo are unsalvageable. 

Therefore, the only thing he has hopes of retrieving are his discs, which are easier to manage than the latter two things. And so Tommy does reprehensible things at the behest of Techno in a vain hope of getting them back, going so far as to kidnap and torture for them. This ultimately culminates in a confrontation between the ex-friends, quickly turning violent. It is in this violence that we see Tommy has sunk to his absolute lowest point in his journey. 

Swinging his axe, he nearly kills his friend as he delivers a string of words that cause the room to silence instantly. He says the discs were always worth more than his friend. Within the quiet of the room, Tommy is forced to reflect on everything he’s done. How he kidnapped and tortured Connor. How he accidentally drowned Fundy. How he traumatized Ranboo. 

And now he’s hurt Tubbo, the one person he has always sought to protect; someone he vowed to never hurt. This realization causes Tommy to break. He’s so ashamed of himself that he can’t look at anyone. Tommy knows now that he is worse than anyone he’s ever hated. 

With pain in his voice, he tries and fails to apologize to Tubbo in the moment. The only way he knows to redeem himself now is to prove to Tubbo, after everything, that he can still put the discs aside. And so he does.

“The fact that Tommy is still trying to get his discs back after L’Manburg was destroyed is unreasonable and ridiculous.”

Tommy deals with grief in an interesting way, doing something very similar to Techno. His grief almost instantly becomes anger and a drive to prove himself. It morphs into a need for vengeance in response to injustice, always. 

After the destruction of L’Manburg, Tommy saying he wants the discs back is a double-sided motivator. The obvious side being: Tommy still needs them to feel comfort. The subtle side beneath it: Tommy is using them as an excuse to find Dream and kill him. To make him pay for helping destroy their home, hurting his friends, and abusing him in exile. 

Upon the loss of his home, I’d also argue the discs have only grown more important to Tommy in the aftermath. Typically, in grief, people hold onto things that survive devastation far more than if the tragic event never occurred. If your eldest child dies, one may hold their surviving children tighter. If your house burns down, one may deeply treasure a box of items that survived the flames. Tommy’s desperation after losing so much is entirely understandable.

On top of this, the discs are still the core to Tommy’s fatal flaw. They are what keeps him from achieving total happiness, so him getting over this intrinsic part of himself so easily would make for an unsatisfying character arc. He still has to work for his happiness in order to change for the better. 

To add, I’ve seen a lot of people complaining that Tommy is still prioritizing the discs over Tubbo, especially in that moment. And while I mostly agree, there are some interactions that stand out to me as being different between the pair that may imply otherwise. Tommy says a few times that despite L’Manburg being destroyed, he still has something left to lose; each time, turning to look at Tubbo. 

This subtly implies that losing Tubbo would be as devastating as losing his home. Tubbo also never voices disagreement over Tommy’s continued pursuit of the item. However, Tubbo frequently does what he thinks will make others happy, so this doesn’t implicitly mean support for Tommy either. Besides these two things, this is still Tommy’s fatal flaw shining through, continuing to hurt others around him. 

I only hope Tubbo can learn to stand up for himself and voice his real thoughts to Tommy now, after everything. It would provide at least some desperately-needed closure for Tubbo’s character.

“How could Tommy betray Techno like that? Techno told him upfront what he was going to do.”

While it’s true that Techno was obvious about his plans, Tommy was also just as upfront with Techno about what he thought of it. In fact, maybe even more so, considering Techno attempted to hide them from Tommy for a good portion of their partnership. Whenever Techno brought up the idea of destroying L’Manburg or hurting Tubbo, Tommy would always remind Techno that he didn’t want to hurt anyone. And that if Techno ever did, Tommy would be there to stand in his way. He never once stopped saying this. 

Tommy’s two major positive character traits have always been his undying loyalty and his strength to never give up, even in the face of death. Two classically heroic qualities, both of which, ironically, reinforce his fatal flaw. His refusal to change makes him stubborn; stubbornness being the only quality that makes unwavering loyalty and extreme persistence feasible. 

Because of these two traits, it was impossible from the start for Dream to completely break Tommy’s spirit and for Techno to get him to agree to anything too extreme. Despite this, Techno already had no hope of keeping Tommy on his side after the events of the day before the Festival. During it, Tommy had asked multiple times for Techno to give his word not to hurt anyone. That they’d only threaten to spawn a wither, get Techno’s remaining weapons in exchange, then leave. That’s it.

Techno avoided directly promising Tommy but still agreed not to regardless. So when Techno chose to spawn the wither anyway, despite Tommy urging them to leave multiple times, whatever trust Tommy had with him went completely out the window. Thus, when the threat was finally real, that Techno would make due on his promise to burn his home country to the ground and slaughter his friends, Tommy intervened. It would be unreasonable to expect Tommy not to stand against him in that moment, especially after his mental breakdown which ensued as a result of him nearly killing his best friend. 

Adding salt to the wound on Tommy’s end, Techno decided to also align himself with Dream, someone Techno knew Tommy was afraid of. This might have been a way to purposely hurt Tommy. More likely, it was because Dream and him shared a common goal in the moment and Techno desperately needed allies.

However, the implication of Techno siding with Tommy’s abuser most certainly hurt him, regardless of its original intentions. This is possibly why Tommy kept insisting through Doomsday that Techno betrayed him, avoiding actually telling anyone the reason as to why. If he couldn’t find the words to describe what Dream did to him, even to Tubbo, he certainly wouldn’t be able to tell Techno either.

“Techno gave Tommy everything, only to be repaid with betrayal.”

This statement regarding Tommy is the one I see most often. (It is also the one I get the most heated about.)

Dream’s character is well known for his manipulation tactics against other characters; pitting them against each other, crushing them under his heel, bending their will to conform to his own. It’s what makes him an interesting villain. It’s something fun to discuss. 

But is it still fun to discuss manipulation tactics if they’re so subtle, almost no one notices them? This is the paradigm Technoblade’s character falls into. While people know Techno for his laid-back personality, dry humor, and complex motivations, many fail to recognize him as a manipulator. The reason why this is so hard to spot is because it is mostly unintentional on behalf of the character. Dream performs his craft with intention, Techno does it without realizing. 

As well as this being unwitting, it is sandwiched between Techno’s actual attempts to connect with Tommy and care for him. Thus, making the manipulation feel less damaging. The only problem is, this still hurts Tommy just as much, regardless of the intentions behind it. Especially after just escaping Dream, Tommy’s reality and sense of identity are horribly distorted. In this vulnerable state, he desperately needs healing and someone to help ground him. This is what makes him even more susceptible to Techno’s influence. 

And because it is much subtler, it is harder to notice, and much harder to break free from. Despite Tommy claiming to hate Techno for what he did on November 16th, he still chose to flee to his house because it was the only place he could think of going, as well as being the safest area possible. After the failed execution, Techno mentioned potentially hurting Tubbo through a vengeance plot. Tommy voiced extreme distress over this, to which Techno threatened to kick him out of his house. 

Tommy then says he’s fine being homeless because he doesn’t want anything to do with someone who would hurt his friend. This is when Techno decides to weaponize Tommy’s own trauma against him. To be fair to Techno again, Tommy never told him the extent of the abuse he suffered in exile. But Techno isn’t stupid. He knows Tommy is extremely afraid of Dream, and for good reason. 

So he tells Tommy that if he were kicked out, he’d be defenseless. That if he were out there all alone, Dream would find him very easily. That Dream would drag him right back to Logstedshire in an instant. He notices the way Tommy reacts to this, how quickly he changes his mind about being kicked out. He continues to use this trauma repeatedly in order to keep Tommy under his roof, no matter how disagreeable he gets about Techno’s plans. He knows he can’t retrieve his weapons alone because he has no leverage. 

Therefore, using Tommy like a wild card was a major side strategy. Techno knows it will hurt Tubbo by doing this and may make the President more willing to compromise. In addition to this, many of the strategies Techno utilizes are Narcissistic manipulation tactics, categorized by their intent to keep the victim in a position below the abuser in terms of worth. This includes Techno using the silent treatment as a punishment, something which hurts Tommy since he craves affection from others. 

He also attempts to isolate Tommy by telling him he doesn’t need anyone else; that everyone abandoned him during exile (something which Dream has also said.) He tells Tommy that he’s only alive because Techno is there to defend him and supply for him, as well as constantly reminding Tommy to not let any compliments he receives get to his head. These are both meant to make Tommy depend more on Techno and doubt his own abilities. Techno also occasionally engages in subtle gaslighting, attempting to sow doubt in Tommy’s mind about his relationships with Tubbo, Quackity, Ranboo, and Fundy. 

It’s also vital to keep in mind what exactly separates Dream and Techno in this regard. The most important thing being that Techno actually does care about Tommy. He trusts him and wants to earnestly help him. He knows Tommy has been traumatized and abused in some way, but he doesn’t know how to help because he’s not that great with people. It also doesn’t help that Tommy is unable to tell anyone what happened. 

In the end, Techno really does want to be a shield for Tommy. Despite debating handing Tommy over to Dream, it’s more likely Techno was using this as bait for Dream to waste his favor on something useless. After all, he could always save Tommy, should he ask for him to. Techno’s warnings about Tubbo and L’Manburg also come from a place of love, as Techno was personally hurt by them and wants to protect Tommy by telling him to leave it behind. However, just because something is done out of love, doesn’t mean it’s automatically helpful or good for someone. 

There’s no better example of this than in Techno’s most damaging and frequently used tactic: ‘Buy Their Love,’ a technique commonly used on children by narcissistic parents. At first glance, nothing seems wrong. Techno gives Tommy most things he asks for; providing him with food, gifts, protection, and a place to sleep. The manipulation within this arises when the act of kindness is counted as a debt against the person who receives it. That by receiving so many good things, they would be ungrateful to go against their abuser. Doesn’t matter if they emotionally or physically hurt you, they gave you gifts, so you should shut your mouth and allow the abuse to continue. 

Whenever Tommy speaks out against Techno’s violent actions or his plans to hurt his friends, Techno would frequently bring up all his ‘good deeds.’ He consistently reminds Tommy that he could’ve just thrown him back to Dream, but he was too kind. That he went out of his way to give him gear, food, and a roof over his head. That he was kind so Tommy should be quiet and let Techno plot to hurt the people he loves. Or else he’s selfish and ungrateful. Or else Techno will take all of his gifts back and leave him with nothing.

Knowing this, it is horrifying seeing people justifying this behavior by mocking Tommy’s character and calling him ungrateful using this very same fallacy. (Especially for those who grew up being controlled by this very tactic.) 

It is through knowing Techno’s use of the ‘Buy Their Love,’ method that makes Tommy’s, ‘I am worthy,’ response, not one of betrayal, but one of triumph. This moment is a major positive character change for Tommy for many reasons. When Tommy decides to stand against Techno, this causes him to fall back on his most reliable tactic. He insults Tommy and then asks for the Axe of Peace back. Instead of caving, Tommy refuses. 

By keeping the Axe of Peace, Techno’s final gift to him, he is not only rejecting the destruction of all he loves, but he is breaking free from Techno’s manipulation. He says, ‘I am worthy,’ because now he knows his own self-worth. He doesn’t need Techno or Dream to decide it for him. This moment is Tommy finally breaking free from not just Techno, but Dream as well. He is finally free.

“Tommy was only using Techno and never thought of him as a friend.”

Tommy and Techno’s relationship is complicated, which is why pretending only one side was in the wrong isn’t entirely accurate. Their friendship, in summary, is tragic when fully examined; being doomed from the start. Techno and Tommy are brought into conflict often because they are simultaneously so similar and so different. Techno and Tommy both deal with grief in the same way. They both long for a life of peace and comfort. They each long for companionship, hold their ideals in kind, and are both naturally resilient in the face of adversity. 

Yet, their personalities and courses of action are polar opposites. What makes this friendship one of tragedy is the fact that not just Techno, not just Tommy, but both of them, actually thought the other was their friend. They had each wanted to be the other’s friend since the day they’d met. Tommy never stopped wanting to impress Techno and get on his good side, even if his methods annoyed the target of his affections. Him calling Techno ‘The Blade’ was never meant to dehumanize him; it was a title of adoration. 

Along the same spectrum, Techno is a character who generally longs for friendship, but pretends not to after a lifetime of hurt. He’s been burned too many times, and so he chooses to stay alone. Techno is generally very reclusive and awkward around others, so when he likes someone or cares for them, it’s noticeable from a mile away. Their friendship has a very brotherly dynamic, and the fact that Techno allowed him to stay in his house, implies Tommy is a step above pretty much everyone else but Phil. Putting up with Tommy’s shenanigans is itself a sign of affection. 

However, when their goals come into conflict and the two start to drift apart, they deal with this in massively different ways. With Tommy devastated and enraged, and with Techno withdrawn and hurt, once more burned by someone he slowly learned to trust. They were once both friends, neither one was pretending. Yet, both of them thought their companionship was unreciprocated. 

On top of this, both Techno and Tommy were using each other. Techno used Tommy to get his weapons back by manipulating and lying to him. Tommy used Techno to protect him from Dream and get his discs back. They each hurt the other and refused to listen, both shouting valid complaints at the other that they refused to hear. 

Their relationship is also deeply affected by the themes of vengeance in the current arc, which is something I haven’t seen many people talk about. Most of the current conflicts this past month have resulted from characters being unable to forgive, resorting to revenge as a way to cope with loss. L’Manburg was the first to initiate this, through the influence of Quackity. The Butcher Army was formed to punish Techno for a war crime he committed. And while this is perfectly reasonable, what isn’t is the way the incident was orchestrated. It was an unchecked abuse of power to execute someone without a fair trial, as well as punishing Phil, who was not involved whatsoever. 

This was also particularly unfair to Techno, as many projected their anger at Wilbur onto him. Even Tommy did this, finding himself unable to blame his late mentor, so Techno was the next best option for him. However, it was Techno’s response to this that was interesting. He chose a path of vengeance, the same way L’Manburg did, after vowing to live his life as a pacifist. By doing this and following through, he hurt everyone, not just the people he claimed needed to pay for their actions. 

Instead of just picking the weed in the garden, he set the entire flower bed on fire. Through L’Manburg’s destruction, he gets what he wants. He destroys their government, but he also scars the earth and shatters the sky. He leaves uninvolved people homeless, deeply hurting Ranboo, Eret, and especially Ghostbur. Philza turns to vengeance as well, taking his anger at the death of his son out on people who do not deserve it. 

Tubbo, a day before the second Festival, was given another chance to seek revenge when Techno had spawned a wither on their land. Instead, all Tubbo could say was, ‘We do nothing … It’s pointless, vengeance. It’s poisonous.’ By doing this, he has managed to be a bigger person than even Techno was, with the strength and maturity to turn the other cheek. And now with Tommy’s plan to kill Dream, the conflict continues to escalate; only ending where forgiveness begins. 

It’s sad to think, if Techno didn’t choose a path of vengeance and Tommy was strong enough to tell Techno how he really felt, the two might have remained friends. Who knows? Maybe they still can.

“Tommy was the one in the wrong. Techno was right to destroy L’Manburg.”

Techno is a lovely character. He’s well-written, engaging, funny. He has many values and quirks that are generally relatable and interesting. His motives are deeply understandable and sympathetic. And yet, he is perfectly capable of being evil, in just the same way that Tommy can be deeply flawed despite being the protagonist. 

I’m sure most people already know that Technoblade is a villain. Or more accurately, a tragic antagonist. Techno (the streamer) knows he is and he’s having fun playing that part. Just because a character is morally in the wrong doesn’t mean their values and ideology don’t have merit. The best character I could compare Techno to is Thanos. 

They have completely valid concerns and points, but it is the way in which they go about achieving their goals that makes them into evil people. And despite this, many will still agree with them, even after they do something reprehensible. Contrary to popular belief, Technoblade’s tendency towards violence isn’t a good thing, no matter how you look at it. Even Techno himself knows this, that’s why he decided to reform and become a pacifist with Phil. He was not a good influence on Tommy, on top of also manipulating him. 

Techno caving to hatred and vengeance makes him no different to the resolve of the Butcher Army that pursued him. It is precisely the fact that he went on to destroy the home of not just Tommy, but also Ranboo and Ghostbur, that puts him in the wrong. He is allowed to despise all government and remove himself from it, but the moment he decided to insert himself into someone else’s country and take their home from them in order to destroy it, he abandoned an integral principle to his own values. 

This principle being: ‘Choice.’ The act of letting others be free to decide what they want for themselves. It is a huge component to the concept of anarchy, the freedom to choose. And yet Techno robbed this from, not just the ruling powers that hurt him, but individuals who were not even involved in the first place. He justifies this by saying it’s for their own good, that he’s helping; while acting in a self-serving manner. 

In his anger, he became the punisher, stooping lower than L’Manburg has ever gone. There is also the issue of Dream weaponizing Techno to destroy the one thing that has been a thorn in his side since the very start, manipulating Techno’s grief to achieve his goals. Tommy’s biggest sin in the Doomsday War was standing up to Techno and getting in the way of him hurting his friends and destroying his home. 

This isn’t to say Tommy is perfect, because he still hurt everyone he ever loved. But the only way he knew to redeem himself was to fight for what he knew was right. And so he chose to fight alongside his best friend, Tubbo. However, just because Techno is in the wrong doesn’t mean others are wrong for wanting to side with him, or by finding joy in his ruthlessness. The biggest appeal of Techno is the fact that he opposes people like Tommy. 

He knows how to put people in their place and it’s satisfying to watch. Some people love rooting for villains and it’s entertaining to see a being with so much power crush everyone else down so effortlessly. Especially because it’s so easy to sympathize with Technoblade. Sympathetic villains are the best kind; where they have understandable motivations, relatable flaws, people they love, and something they can lose. Dream is a villain you love to hate. Technoblade is a villain you hate to love. Simple as. 

Despite the destruction of L’Manburg being either devastating or fantastic depending on who you are, there is one major good it has done. It has pushed Tommy more towards the completion of his character arc. By losing one of the three things he loves, it will be impossible for him to pretend any longer. He will be forced to confront reality very soon. It all depends on whether Tubbo will have to die first for him to finally see it.

#dream smp #character analysis #tommy innit #tommyinnit #mcyt #tubbo #technoblade #techno apologist #tommy apologist #long post #dream smp meta #dsmp tommy #dsmp tubbo #dsmp techno #tubbo dream smp #tommyinnit dream smp #technoblade dream smp #dream smp roleplay #tw gaslighting #tw manipulation #tw emotional manipulation #dreamwastaken #dsmp dream #philza #philza minecraft #dsmp philza #dream team

[soramei]

From Resentment (hhj)

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader (she/her)

Summary: After a fated meeting involving a cute and fluffy puppy, you found yourself drawn to Hwang Hyunjin: the school prince. Everybody in high school loved him. It was hard not to. Not only was he rich, smart, and athletic, but he was also incredibly kind-hearted.

However, one day seemingly out of the blue, everything that you thought Hyunjin was came crashing down.

Now a freshman in university, you were excited to live out your dreams. That was, until Hyunjin came hurtling back into your life like an uncontrolled meteor. His presence threw a curveball on all your plans, and would eventually change your perspective on everything that you thought you knew.

Genre: studentl!hyunjin au, angst, enemies to lovers

Warnings: cursing, tw puking

Word Count: 8.8k

Masterlist

A/N: Not an Intentional update but a hyunjin oneshot!! disclaimer: no aspect of hyunjins personality here was drawn from real life — irl hyunjin is a ray of sunshine <3

You looked at your math homework, proud that you got all the answers correct. Since it was a slow afternoon at your job today, you had extra time to focus on your homework. The boss at the convenience store you worked at allowed you to have your homework out, as long as it was hidden behind the cash register.

As you stared at the rest of your homework, you started to feel the weight of tenth grade pile up on you. Because it was your first year of high school, you were still trying to adjust to everything; your grades, your teachers, and all the new students walking around the halls.

You stuffed the rest of your homework in your backpack. It was the end of your shift, and you wanted to go home as soon as possible to start with the rest of your studying. Crap. No matter how hard you tried to zip up your backpack, it wouldn’t close. After trying one more time, the zipper tore from your backpack.

You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t afford to buy a new backpack right now.

You had just been able to afford your new school uniform by taking up extra shifts at the convenience store, and you still needed money for your grandmother’s prescriptions. You sighed, annoyed to have another monetary stressor weighing on your shoulders.

Walking outside with your now torn backpack, your eyes widened at the group of boys in front of you. You immediately recognized them from behind.

The school princes. These three seniors were all known for three things: being extremely smart, handsome, and talented.

On the left was Seungmin, and from what you’ve heard, he was the smart and quiet one. He was always helping the teachers, being the class president and all. Any time a girl or a boy needed academic help, Seungmin was there and happy to assist.

The person on the right was Jisung. With his charming and charismatic personality, he had dated tens upon tens of girls in his grade. Just in the last year. It helped that he was really good looking — and also stinkin’ rich. His father was a notorious restaurateur, and with him being the first son, he was basically given unlimited spending rights.

The only person richer than Jisung was the boy in the center of them both: Hwang Hyunjin. This boy was the school prince. The prince of princes. He somehow managed to participate in music clubs, engage in study groups, and captain the soccer team all the while keeping up excellent grades. Every girl that Jisung had dated was said to have been rejected by Hyunjin first. That was his only flaw: he was notoriously cold to any and all romantic confessions.

You followed behind the three princes, staring at your torn up sneakers. You knew you didn’t exist in their world, but even being near three handsome and rich teenage boys made you nervous.

Suddenly, you heard a whimper coming from behind a bush to the left of you. It sounded like a hurt animal.

Worried and curious, you walked over to the bush to see what it was.

It was a puppy. Small and fluffy, it looked up at you with it’s beady black eyes and cried out. His paw was bleeding.

You panicked. Having never seen a hurt puppy before, you had no idea what to do. You called out for help.

“Help!” you cried, hoping that somebody had heard your call for help. You desperately wanted to help this hurt puppy, but you hesitated to touch it, afraid that you would hurt the animal even more.

The puppy howled in pain, making your panic rise. You were about to call out for help again, when you heard somebody running up behind you.

“What is it?” The voice asked.

“I-I don’t know. I just saw this dog here, and-and his paw is bleeding,” you anxiously stuttered.

“Here, let me take a look.”

You heard the voice behind you, so you shuffled over to make room.

It was Hwang Hyunjin. The person that responded to your cry for help was the most popular and well-liked person in the school. You were shocked, a bit intimidated actually, so you silently moved to the side for him. His black hair shone in the sunlight as he bent down to examine the dog.

“Come here, boy,” he chirped. The puppy listened, and started limping to him. “Something hurt you, didn’t it.”

He stood up, picking the puppy up along with him.

“C’mon,” he gestured with his head, “my vet isn’t too far from here actually. We can make it by walking.”

You silently nodded and followed him.

He was right. The walk to the veterinarian clinic, though very awkward, wasn’t too far. The clinic was empty at this time of day, with the receptionist being the only person in the room.

“Hyunjin! Always a pleasure,” the receptionist beamed. It seemed like Hyunjin’s likeability wasn’t only confined to your school. “My, what do we have here?”

“There’s something wrong with his paw,” Hyunjin tried to show the receptionist where the blood was coming from, “is the doctor free right now?”

“As a matter of fact, he is,” the receptionist said whilst checking the schedule. “I’ll take this little boy to the back where he can get prepped for the veterinarian.”

Hyunjin handed the puppy carefully to the receptionist. The receptionist took out a crate for the dog, put him in, and then disappeared through the back door. The two of you were now left alone in the waiting room.

“Uhm,” you coughed, “thank you. I know you probably want to get back to your friends, so you can leave now.”

“No, I’ll stay,” he looked at you and smiled, “those idiots are just playing LOL at the PC room anyways. Plus, I want to see how this little boy turns out.”

You smiled back at him, nodding your head. A few moments of awkward silence passed.

“I’m Hyunjin by the way,” he said.

“I know. I’m Y/n.”

“You’re in your first year, right?” he said, looking at the colour of your uniform.

“Yeah, it’s so hard to get used to though. I’m trying my best with my homework, but I think this school stuff just doesn’t click with me,” you rambled.

“Oh?”

“I want to go into dance. I’ve never been able to afford professional lessons, but I’ve always wanted to go to university for dance. My grandparents said they would let me if my school grades were high.” You didn’t know why you were giving your life story to Hyunjin. He just had this natural charisma that made you want to spill everything to him. It was the way he looked at you with those cat-like eyes.

“I know what you mean. It took me forever to convince my parents for me to major in dance. I got in by early admittance, but I’m sure they still have their reservations about my major.”

“You’re majoring in dance?” you asked, eyes wide.

He smiled. “I’ve loved dancing ever since I could remember. It’s my passion, and truthfully, the only thing I’ve got going for me.”

You were shocked. At school, Hyunjin was known for so many things other than dancing. Hell, you didn’t even know he enjoyed dancing and you thought you’d heard everything about him already.

The two of you chatted for a while longer before the vet came out with the now happy looking dog.

“It seemed like this little guy got into a fight with something, and he got a pretty large gash on his paw. Luckily, it wasn’t bleeding too much so I just gave him some anaesthetic and stitched it right up.”

You sighed in relief. “Thank god he isn’t too hurt.”

“Yes, it’s good that it wasn’t too bad,” the veterinarian agreed. “I’m assuming this is your dog? As soon as you finish with the bill, I can release this little guy and the both of you are ready to go.”

Oh yeah. The bill.

Although you knew you couldn’t afford to pay the vet bill, you didn’t know where this little dog would go if you couldn’t take him home. You did the mental calculations, and if you worked some extra shifts, you could probably be able to pick up the bill today. Buying a new backpack could be saved for another day.

“Sure, where can I pay?” you asked.

“Just over by the receptionist.” The veterinarian pointed.

You walked over to the receptionist, and she handed the bill over to you.

You almost fainted.

Just the anaesthetic and the stitches alone cost over two hundred dollars. This was extremely over your budget, and probably even more than the amount in your savings. You felt uneasy.

“Uhm, actually, I don’t think I can-”

“Do you take cash?”

Hyunjin had interrupted you, walked up to the receptionist, and pulled out his wallet. He peaked over your shoulder and took out a huge wad of cash to hand to the receptionist.

“Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” you begged. You felt bad that this guy you didn’t even know had just offered to cover you for over two hundred dollars.

“Think of it as a good luck gift from a fellow dancer.” He smiled.

That was when it clicked. You didn’t know what clicked, but it just did. It was his smile. It was the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up and how the corners of his lips pinched at the end. You now understood why all the girls at school were in love with him. He was quite literally perfect.

You thanked him profusely, even after the two of you had left the clinic. With the dog in your hand, you walked side by side with Hyunjin.

“So,” he started, “have you thought of a name for this guy yet?”

Oh yeah — he was your dog now. “Hmm, I don’t know yet.”

“What about Coco?”

“Coco?”

“Yeah, let’s see if he likes it.” Hyunjin leaned in and cooed at the little puppy. “Hi, little Coco!”

The puppy’s eyes lit up, and with his tongue stretched out, he started panting.

“I guess he likes it,” Hyunjin smiled. God, his smile could melt all of Antarctica.

“Coco it is.” You poked at Coco’s nose.

Hyunjin was about to say something back to you when his phone buzzed. He took a peak, rolled his eyes, then smiled. “My friends are god awful at games. I swear, they can’t even win one round without me. You’re okay with going home alone?”

He was going to walk you home? Could he be any more perfect?

You nodded your head. “Thank you, Hyunjin. I’ll pay you back for the bill one day.”

“No need,” he winked. “Like I said, it’s a good luck gift. Oh, and you can ask me if you need help with any school work. Anything to help a fellow dancer.”

He waved goodbye, then went running off in the other direction. You held Coco close to you, heart pounding. Although you didn’t want to be like all the other girls who fell for him, you felt like you were already falling for Hyunjin.

-

The next day, you had planned to go shopping for dog supplies after school. After a really long and arduous debate with yourself, you decided to sacrifice all of your savings in order to buy everything that Coco needed. You knew Hyunjin owned a dog himself, so throughout the whole day, you worked up the nerve to ask Hyunjin to come with you.

At the end of last period, you gathered all your stuff from your desk and headed to the soccer field where you knew Hyunjin and his friends would be. Whilst you crossed the field, you noticed Jisung staring at you. You found his stare intimidating, but you tried to brush it off. He then whispered something in Hyunjin’s ear.

“Hi, Hyunjin,” you said anxiously, biting your lip. “Umm, do you want to come with me to shop for Coco?”

He stared at you for a couple seconds, then, a look of disgust appeared on his face. “Why? So you can use my wallet again?”

You stared back at him, wide eyed. Who was this person? It wasn’t the Hyunjin that so graciously helped you out yesterday.

“W-what? No!” you exclaimed. “I-I just wanted your opinion…”

“Sure,” Hyunjin smirked coldly, “opinion my ass.”

“Hyunjin,” tears were pooling in your eyes, “I don’t understand.”

“If you need money so much, here.” He reached in his pocket and turned up a wad of cash, throwing it at your feet. “Just don’t come to me next time. And buy yourself a new pair of shoes while you’re at it.”

You looked down at the money, trying to hold back your tears. Why was Hyunjin being like this? You didn’t understand. His two jockeys beside him didn’t even bother to stop him. As you tried to stop yourself from crying, you felt your sadness turn into rage.

“I don’t need your stupid money,” you said, kicking the cash back to him. “Maybe you can use your daddy’s money to buy yourself a new personality.”

Hyunjin’s two friends tried to hold back their snickers at your words. Hyunjin heard, turned around, and gave them both death stares.

You didn’t bother to listen to whatever he was going to say next and simply stomped away, rage burning inside you. Everything about him was a lie. His charming and charismatic personality, his generosity, his kindness. They were all lies. He really was nothing but a rich, spoiled boy living with his father’s money.

There was rage behind every step you took. Wiping away your tears, you headed to your locker. You didn’t need him anyways; it was better to realize his true personality earlier rather than later. Hands shaking from anger, you dialed the combination to your locker.

“Hey, sorry about what happened earlier.” A voice came from behind you. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”

It was Jisung. You rolled your eyes. You didn’t want to see him either.

“Why didn’t you do anything about it then?” Your voice came out shaky. It was obvious that you had cried.

“Once he starts, there’s no stopping him. It’s usually better to let him finish uninterrupted, or else he will get more mad.”

“Oh,” you said. Your hatred for Hyunjin grew even more.

“I could come with you, though. I don’t know much about dogs, but I can help you carry your bags.”

“I don’t know…”

“C’mon, no way you can carry everything by yourself.”

You hesitated. “Okay, I guess.”

And so, you left for the pet store with Jisung, still confused about everything that had happened. It was strange with him. He was nice and cracked a joke every now and then, but it was just different from being with Hyunjin. At least he was nice, you thought.

Your trip went well. You managed to buy everything you needed for Coco. In a turn of events, Jisung had actually come in handy as he offered to carry the huge bag of dog food you bought. He even offered to buy you a coffee.

“Thanks for all your help, Jisung.” You stood outside the door of your apartment, smiling at him.

“No problem, gives me an excuse to work out my guns.” He pretended to flex his arms.

You choked back a laugh.

“You should get going now. It’s late,” you said.

“Alright,” he started to leave. “Hey, if you see me in the halls, feel free to say hi.”

You nodded and waved to him as he turned and walked away, remembering his words. Every time you saw Jisung in the school hallways, you gave him a small wave in which he happily returned. However, whenever you saw him walking with Hyunjin, you made sure to purposely avoid them. You didn’t want any negativity in your life.

You kept up the waves, and soon, waves turned to small conversations which soon turned to flirting. By the end of the semester, you and Jisung somehow ended up as a couple. Jisung was polite and sweet, unlike a certain person. With every free moment you had, you hung out with Jisung — all the while avoiding Hyunjin.

The two of you stayed a couple for the rest of Jisung’s senior year. Somehow, the two of you had even kept up your relationship throughout your whole high school experience. It was hard at times as he went to university, but with a lot of effort, you had made your relationship work out. You barely had time to talk with him, but you enjoyed the little time that you did have. Jisung had never even once mentioned Hyunjin when you were together, and with time, you had totally forgotten about that jerk. You weren’t even sure if they were still friends.

You worked hard in school and reaped all the benefits. Your rank had consistently been in the top twenties amongst all the other students, and you even had time to practice your dancing. You remembered the day that you received your acceptance letter from university. Hands shaking, you had barely managed to open the letter all the way before you screamed. You had gotten into university with your dream major: dance.

Because of your excellent grades, you were able to pay a lot of your tuition with scholarship money alone. You hesitantly decided to quit your job at the convenience store to focus on university. Although quitting meant that your bank account would take a big hit, you decided that it would be best in the long run. There was a lot in your savings, and you even had a little extra to buy a new outfit for your first day of school.

Jisung had been busy on the first day of university. He had previously promised to show you around campus, but with him being a no-show, you wandered around by yourself to try to find your classes. You had trouble with the campus map at first, but after walking around for a bit, you were able to find all your classes with ease.

Your first few classes were a snore. Because they were all theory, you had to down two cups of coffee in order to stay awake. Somehow, you managed to take coherent notes despite being bored out of your mind. You just wanted to dance.

The good thing was, after sitting through many classes, your time to dance finally came. Your last class of the day was an introduction to dance course, and you couldn’t wait to go. You wanted to know your teacher, your peers, and most importantly, express yourself.

The dance class was in a studio in the university’s fitness center. It was huge, way bigger than the tiny gym in your high school. Upon entering the studio, you were immediately met with the sight of students, exactly like you, already stretching. You chose a spot in the room and started stretching as well, making good use of your time before the instructor comes in.

After some time, most of the students — including you — had finished stretching and were sitting in silence waiting for the instructor. The door swung open, breaking the silence. The instructor had come in.

“Hello new students,” he said, “welcome to Dance 100. Today, I will go through the curriculum with you as well as introduce your final project.”

The instructor whipped out a projection of the curriculum and started explaining the purpose of the course, what you would be graded on, and how you would be graded. He then read through his class expectations before moving to your final project.

“This final project will act in place of a final exam,” he explained. “You will be required to create a dance that includes everything we’ve learned in class and write an essay explaining all the elements in your dance. It will be worth half your grade.”

The class gasped in surprise. Not only did this project sound extremely difficult for a first year course, but the fact that it was worth half your grade made it borderline unfair.

“I know it might seem difficult, but worry not, you won’t be doing this alone. Every year, the first year dance students get mentored by the third year dance students for the final project. Each student has already been assigned a random mentor which will be introduced this class.”

The whole class murmured, talking amongst themselves and expressing their opinions on this project. It was definitely an interesting project. You hoped that you would be paired with a good mentor that would actually care about how well you did.

There was a knock on the door.

“Ah, this must be them.” Your instructor opened the door and a wave of third years came flooding in. Each one of them had a name tag pinned on their shirts. “Class, these are the third year students.”

You all politely greeted them.

“Now,” the instructor continued, “I will put the class list on the projector, and each of your names will correspond to a third year mentor.”

The instructor put out the list for display. You scanned down the list of names, eventually finding yours. Following the dots to your corresponding mentor, you almost choked on air when you saw yours.

It was Hwang Hyunjin.

You were at a loss for words. Just when you thought he was out of your life forever, the man that was so incredibly mean to you — the man you hated with your whole soul — was now your mentor. Just the thought of being in the same room as him filled you with disgust.

You scanned the sea of third year students, and your eyes immediately found him. He was staring back at you with the same shocked expression that you had on.

He looked different. Not only had he grown taller, but he had lost all his baby fat as well. His hair was different too. It was bleached blond and it almost hit his shoulders. What was the same, however, was his intense stare and his plump lips.

You walked over to him.

“You look different.” His eyes scanned up and down.

“So do you.” You clenched your jaw and sighed. “I guess we have to work together.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said flatly.

“Listen,” you copied his tone, “I’m not excited about this either, but I want to get a good grade for this class. If you don’t wanna help me, just say so and I’ll just work alone on this.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he rolled his eyes, “this is part of my grade too. I can’t let you fuck this up for the both of us.”

You rolled your eyes back at him and pressed your lips in a thin line. Ignoring what he said, you asked, “where do we start?”

“Let’s find a time to meet every week.” He pulled out the newest iPad model from his bag. Of course he would have the newest iPad. “I’m busy every day except Saturday, so let’s meet then.”

Way to consider your opinion. He was lucky that you weren’t busy on the weekends.

As Hyunjin worked on sorting his schedule, you took your time to look at how he had changed. With his hair blonde, he looked like a completely different person. You didn’t understand why he kept his hair long though. It kept falling in his eyes.

“Stop staring at me. It’s freaking me out.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“I wasn’t.” You crossed your arms, defending yourself.

“Whatever.” He tucked his hair behind his ear and put his iPad back in his bag. “Don’t be late on Saturday.”

And with that, he left. You looked around the class. Most of the other students were still with their mentors, presumably getting to know each other and discussing the project. You almost wanted to ask your instructor to switch with somebody else, but that would mean passing on the nightmare known as Hwang Hyunjin onto a perfectly innocent person. You had your moments, but you weren’t evil.

The interaction with Hyunjin had left you in a sour mood for the rest of the day. You tried to study, but you were too distracted by the thought of having to work with that monstrosity for a whole semester. It was worth so much of your grade, too. You had just hoped that Hyunjin was as good at dance as he previously told you. You remembered him saying how dance was his passion in life. That was when you still liked him. Who knows, maybe he only said that so he could play you like every other girl he played with.

For the rest of the week, whenever you thought of the dance project, you were filled with dread. You tried to ignore it, and sometimes it worked, but most of the time it kept reappearing in your mind like a virus. The way Hyunjin had infected your mind bothered you to no end.

Time passed fast though, and before you knew it, Saturday had already come. Searching through your closet, you picked out a simple outfit for practice today. You slid on your tattered old sneakers and headed off to the studio that Hyunjin had told you to go to.

Entering the dance studio, you noticed that you were right on time. However, Hyunjin was not. Great… He made such a big deal over you being on time that he himself forgot to be punctual. You sat on the wood floors and started to do some stretches to warm up.

Eventually, after you finished your stretching, he entered the studio. With a girl. Holding a textbook, Hyunjin handed it to the girl and put on his signature deceitful smile. His ugly, perfect smile. The girl batted her eyes and waved her fingers goodbye before strolling out the door. You rolled your eyes at this, feeling bad for the girl. Hyunjin was playing her right in front of her own eyes and she didn’t even realize it.

“Were you really late because of a girl?” you sneered.

“Why do you care?” he retorted, flinging his bag to the corner of the room.

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t.”

Not wanting to waste time with that childish banter, you decided to end the conversation then and there. “Okay, well anyways, I’ll show you what I learned in class this week.”

Hooking up your phone to the speaker, you chose the song that you’ve been practicing with for the whole week. As the song progressed, you found it hard to not get lost in the music. Just dancing was the easy part; incorporating everything learned in class was another story. Although it was fairly difficult, you thought you executed everything very well as the song came to an end. Finishing up, you panted from exhaustion and looked at Hyunjin for his comments.

He stood, with his arms crossed across his torso, leaning against the speaker. There was a blank expression on his face.

“Not bad.” He started to walk up to you.

“But?”

“But you’re too stiff. You’re too focused on perfectly executing the technical moves that you forget to just move your body. Do what you did half-way through the song again.”

You turned the music on, trying to do the dance with Hyunjin’s criticisms in mind. Looking in the mirror, you did your best to show as much emotion as possible, all the while moving more fluidly. The room was filled with heavy bass and the squeaks from your sneakers.

Suddenly, the music was abruptly cut off.

Hyunjin had stopped the music and was making his way over, face still unreadable.

“You’re still trying too hard and it shows.” Hyunjin shook his head.

Clenching your jaw, you did your best to hold back your anger. Were you just not supposed to try? This annoyed you. Just because he didn’t need to try to be good at anything didn’t mean you couldn’t.

“Well,” you tried to say calmly, “how can I do this then?”

“You have to relax.” He put one hand on your hip and started to guide you. “Don’t focus on each individual aspect, but try to imagine everything as a whole. Then, things will come naturally.”

You followed his hand, allowing Hyunjin to guide you to his own rhythm. After a while, every movement felt so fluid and you didn’t even notice that your face started to match your movements. Glancing at your reflection, you gasped, noticing how different your dancing looked. You whipped your head to face Hyunjin, the two of your inches apart and breathing heavily.

“See,” he mumbled, looking down at you. “Once you stop thinking, everything just comes naturally.”

You looked back at the person inches away from you. It almost felt as if he was being kind. But you knew the type of person he was. You weren’t going to let this happen again. Snapping out of what weird trance you were in, you pushed him away in an act of self perseverance.

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll try again,” you said.

Hyunjin strolled over to the speaker and turned on the music. This time, you didn’t think about anything you learned in class or Hyunjin’s criticisms. You just trusted in your body. Everything else was blank.

Taking a step forward while still in your trance, your shoe lost its grip on the floor, causing you to fall right on your knee. You cried in pain, holding on to your knee.

“Fuck,” Hyunjin hissed. He ran over and bent down to your level. “Can you move it?”

“I think so.” You tried to straighten your knee. It hurt, but you were still able to do it. There would most likely be a nasty bruise there the next morning.

“You’re still wearing those scraps that you call shoes? They’re literally coming apart at the seams. This is going to happen again if you don’t get new ones.”

You blushed in embarrassment from his remarks. “I’m not going to spend money on things that I don’t need.”

“Well, you need shoes. Just go buy a new pair later.”

Was he being serious? Or was he just spoiled?

“Hyunjin, not everybody can just go spend money whenever they want,” you loudly sighed. “Unlike you, I need to consider my budget for most things.”

“Well, why can’t you ask your boyfriend to buy it?” he sneered. “Seems like you’re good at doing that.”

How did he know you were still dating Jisung? What did he mean by ‘good at doing that’?

“What?” You crossed your eyebrows. “Do you think I’m with him just for his money? Do I really look like that kind of person to you?”

“You used me for my money,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What?” You couldn’t hear him right.

“Nevermind, rehearsal's over.” He stomped off, leaving you alone in the practice room holding on to your injured knee.

-

You busied yourself with everything and anything you could do over the weekend in order to forget what happened during rehearsal. However, no matter how hard you tried to forget, Hyunjin’s comments on your shoes stuck in your mind like glue.

During your shift at your job, you couldn’t help but keep staring at your worn sneakers. You never paid attention to your shoes before until now. They did the job, so why would you need to buy a new pair? Still, you unconsciously paid attention to every step you took.

On Monday’s dance class, you decided to go early. It was always nice to warm up in a room with other try-hards. They felt less judgemental than the others.

The studio barely had anybody in it this early before class. Everybody was either stretching or had already started going over what was taught last week. Shuffling your way over to your locker, you couldn’t help but compare everybody else’s shoes to your own. You’ve never cared about trivial matters such as shoes, but you couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious as your worn-in sneakers squeaked its way over to the lockers.

Opening your locker, your eyes widened, shocked at what you saw. Inside was a box containing a brand new pair of sneakers. It was an expensive brand as well, a brand that you never thought you would be touching in your life. You turned your head around, scanning the room. Everybody seemed to have been busy with their own thing.

Did somebody put these in your locker by mistake?

Taking the shoes out, you noticed a small slip of paper fly out. You picked up the note.

Keep these. I was a jerk.

You knew who had sent this. It was Hyunjin. You didn’t know what game he was trying to play at, but you weren’t going to fall for it like you did that day in high school. Gingerly putting the shoes back in your locker, you decided to return these back to Hyunjin at your next practice.

-

“No, I gave them to you as a gift.” Hyunjin turned his nose up at you, refusing to take back the shoes.

“Why would you give these to me if you think that I only use people for their money?”

“Because,” he rolled his eyes, “if you’re unable to dance then my grade is screwed as well.”

He made a good point, but you were stubborn. “Still…”

“You know what? Keep it, give it away, sell it, I don’t care. Let’s just start practice.”

After that dance practice, you threw your old shoes in the trash.

-

It was midterm season a month into school. You thought you had gone to hell and back with high school, but this was even worse. Each day consisted of waking up, studying, and going back to sleep. You lived on coffee and toast. It wasn’t much, but it gave you the energy to sit at the library for hours to study.

You didn’t see anybody during the midterm season, Instead, you chose to hermit yourself up at the library for days on end. This meant that, at least for a couple of weeks, your dance practice with Hyunjin was put on hiatus. Not that he minded, of course. He happily deleted the practices from his schedule.

You also didn’t see much of your boyfriend, Jisung. Ever since school started, he seemed to always be missing in action. He would almost never have time to be with you, and with the few moments that he was, it seemed like he was always so apathetic towards you. You brushed this off as stress though, as you finally knew what it was like to experience university exams.

It was a clear and sunny day on the morning you finished your last midterm. Leaving the exam room, you looked up to the sky, basking in the sun. Today was going to be a good day. Not only were you now stress free, but you were also invited to an end-of-midterm party for your dance class tonight. You had never gone to a university party before, so when a classmate asked if you wanted to go, you eagerly accepted.

Wrapping up your dance class, you stood at your locker, gathering the rest of your stuff.

“Hey.” An arm wrapped around you.

“Hey, Jisung.” You smiled, turning around to face him.

“You’re done all your midterms?”

“Yup.” You nodded happily.

He took a look at your shoes.

“New shoes?”

You hesitated in answering his question, not knowing where Jisung was with Hyunjin in terms of friendship. It was better to be truthful now rather than apologizing later.

“Hyunjin gave it to me.” You looked down, fiddling with your fingers. Why were you afraid of Jisung’s response?

“Wait, what? Hwang Hyunjin? Like from high school? Y/n, I thought you hated him.”

“I did! And I do,” you tried to explain, “but he had a reason to give me this.”

“Bullshit, Y/n. You’re really gonna believe any reason he pulls out of his ass? I thought you actually matured from high school.”

“Well, you would understand if you were around more often!” you yelled. You knew it was wrong to address other problems and blow this out of proportion, but you couldn’t think straight. Your mind was clouded with anger.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Jisung barked back. “What we’re talking about is how you, no matter how shitty of a person Hyunjin is, keep going back to him! Y/n, all that man does is take. He takes from you and he sure as hell takes everything from me. I won’t let that happen this time.”

When had he taken anything from you? All he had done was give.

“Jisung, let’s end this.”

“You’re right. Let’s cool down and talk later tonight.”

“No,” you shook your head, “I mean, let's end us.”

Jisung looked at you in disgust. “It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?”

“No,” you vehemently denied, “Jisung, you never have time for me, and the little time we do have together you act like a different person. And now you’re being all possessive just because Hyunjin gave me a gift? I’m sorry, I just don’t see us recovering from this.”

“Fine, whatever.” Jisung turned around. “We’re done. But Y/n, don’t come running back to me when Hyunjin screws you over like he does with everybody.”

After Jisung left, you stomped your foot on the ground, tears pooling in your eyes. It was for the best — breaking up with him. For the past month, you hadn’t been happy with where your relationship was going, but this wasn’t the way you wanted to end an almost three year relationship.

Wiping away your tears, you tried to compose yourself before heading over to the pub. Jisung wasn’t worth the tears.

The walk to the pub wasn’t far as every establishment catered to students was a short walking distance from campus. For your entire walk over, you kept your head down so as to not receive looks from others. The headache from your cries and a blush of anger still lingered with you. Hopefully you’ll look somewhat normal by the time you reach the bar.

Checking your reflection once more in your phone camera, you fixed your hair a bit before going inside.

The bar was filled.

With students from both your dance class and the third year class, there was not an empty corner in sight. The music was loud, but the sounds of chatter coming from the students were louder. The place was dark, with the only source of light coming from very dim, bright blue LEDs.

It was surprising to see everybody in a different setting. You were used to the sight of your classmates being only in sweats and workout clothes, but now that they actually had time to get ready, everybody seemed like a completely different person.

You saw a few of your classmates wave at you, beckoning you over to where they were sitting. As soon as your butt landed on the chair, they spared no time to push a shot glass filled with clear liquor in front of you. You gladly took the drink, wanting to just let go and forget about everything that happened today. Holding back a cough, you scrunched your face as you felt the alcohol burn in your throat. It had been so long since the last time you drank.

After five you stopped counting. Partly because you knew you were going to drink more, but mostly because your head couldn’t even count to five anymore. Scrunching your eyes, you tried to focus on the blurry figure of your classmate complaining about her professor. Bored out of your mind as her mindless babble went on forever, your eyes started roaming around the bar. As your eyes wandered, you noticed somebody behind your classmate staring at you.

Hwang Hyunjin.

Even in your inebriated state of mind, you knew that it was Hyunjin. What other university student had the balls to bleach their whole head blonde? Your eyes met, and he ran a hand through his golden locks. Why do the most beautiful people harbour the most wretched personalities?

You tried to ignore his staring by focusing your attention back on your classmate, but eventually, you couldn’t help but glance back at him. He was still looking at you.

You saw a girl come up to him. She was the same girl that showed up with him on your first ever practice session. Because of the dimly lit bar and your drunken vision impairment, you had to really squint to make out what was going on. The girl, all smiley and giggly, put her hand on his shoulder, making Hyunjin break his eye contact with you. He smiled at the girl, mouthing words that were drowned out by the music. For some reason, this made you furious. Why was he so nice to everybody else but you? What had you ever done to him to make him hate you so much?

You kept your eyes on the girl, knowing full well that you shouldn’t have. You hated that — even on your night off, even when you had just broken up with your boyfriend — Hyunjin was still in your mind like an unkillable parasite. You hated the way he tucked his hair behind his ears. You hated how the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he smiled at her. You hated him.

You watched as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, causing him to laugh. That was the last straw. In a drunken haze, you took your phone and bolted out the door, ignoring the concerns of all your classmates. Maybe it had been a mistake breaking up with Jisung. Maybe he really did know what was best for you.

Stumbling out onto the street, you tried to dial Jisung’s phone number. It proved to be too difficult of a task, however, as your drunken fingers could only tap on random numbers on the screen. You cried out of frustration.

“Y/n.”

The voice coming from behind you startled you, causing you to lose your grip on the phone. It dropped on the cement with a loud crack. Tears welled up in your eyes as you bent down to pick up your phone. There was a huge crack right down the middle of the screen.

“You cracked my phone,” you said, trying to keep your composure.

“So? It’s not like it’s worth much anyways. Just ask your boyfriend to buy you one.” Hyunjin’s evil eyes squinted down at you.

“Why are you still on about this? Hyunjin, I’ve never used anybody for money and I never will!” You couldn’t control the tears flowing down your face. “Plus, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I broke up with Jisung today.”

You didn’t know why you were spilling your guts to the last man in the world you would trust. Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Y/n.” His tone had completely changed. He almost looked — concerned?

“Whatever, Hyunjin,” you slurred. “Just leave me alone. You can go back to that girl and have your fun with her.”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t care.”

“Y/n, why do you care?” His tone got louder.

“I don’t!” you yelled at him. Your tears made everything even more blurry.

“Y/n! Tell me, why do you care?!” He spat back at you with just as much fury.

“Fuck you, Hyunjin. News flash, not everything in the world revolves around you and your rich and prestigious life. Maybe you wouldn’t be so toxic if you would just understand that.” You screamed at him through your sobs. “Also, I don’t know where you got this stupid story of my being a cash whore from, but I will say this one last time: I have worked for everything in my life and I have never and will never use anybody for their money.”

Hyunjin looked back at you, shocked. You stared back at him in disgust. Not wanting to waste anymore time on him, you stumbled down the street to look for a taxi. However, as you wobbled down the pavement, everything became even blurrier than before. You felt nauseous. You couldn’t control it anymore.

You threw up. All over the sidewalk. You couldn’t stop. Every time you thought that it was over, more and more came out. Your throat burned, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.

As you hurled out all the remains of today’s lunch, your hair was held back.

“Get away from me, Hyunjin,” you groaned. You didn’t want him to see you this weak.

“Who else is gonna take care of your drunk ass, idiot,” he mumbled.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.

-

It was a blinding white light that woke you up. You groaned, trying to block the light with your forearm. Cracking your neck, you tried to holster yourself up.

You were on a leather couch. Squinting, you surveyed the room you were in. It was clean, spacious. The floor was a white marble — there wasn’t a single speck of dust to be seen. Across from you was an incredibly wide TV with many game consoles scattered around it. You looked behind you. There was a large kitchen island illuminated by warm pendant lights. Sitting at the island, on his laptop, was Hyunjin.

“Wh-what happened to me?”

“You’re the worst fucking drinker I’ve ever seen, that’s what happened.”

You rolled your eyes.

Hyunjin ignored you, standing up and leaving for another room. Less than a minute later, he reappeared with a toothbrush and a roll of toothpaste.

“Go clean up. You look disgusting.”

You snatched the toothbrush from his hands. He pointed over to the bathroom and you trudged your way over. His bathroom was huge, almost bigger than your bedroom at home. You felt as if you were in a hotel.

“Your bathroom is huge.” After washing up, you felt not only cleaner, but more awake. “You’re really living the life with your family’s money, huh.”

Hyunjin sighed, slamming his laptop shut causing you to flinch. “Why, after everything, do you think I’m this rich, pretentious fuck?”

You rolled your eyes. Not this again. “Well, why do you still think I’m this money hungry monster?”

“You really wanna know why, Y/n? It’s because Jisung told me so. He was the one who told me that all those years ago.���

You were shocked. Jisung was the one who told him that? Your ex-boyfriend that you had loved and dated for almost three years? You didn’t want to believe it, you really didn’t, but there was this tiny whisper in the back of your mind telling you that it was true. He had a reason to — Jisung was always going on about how Hyunjin always took from him.

“But Y/n, I-” He stopped mid-sentence.

“You what, Hyunjin?”

He pressed his lips to yours, caressing the back of your head. You were shocked, but almost autonomously, your lips parted feeling the heat of his breath against yours. He pressed his body to yours, running his hand down your waist. His lips, the same lips responsible for his perfect smile, felt so soft against your own. You heard the thuds of his heartbeat as he held you closer.

You broke apart, gasping for breath. The realization of what you had done just hit you.

In a panic, you used your whole strength to push his body away from you. “I-I have to go.”

“Y/n, wait!” Hyunjin called.

You paid him no attention. Instead, you ran across the marble floors, hoisted the front door open, and sprinted out. Hoping that Hyunjin wasn’t following you, found your way outside and took a taxi home.

You sat in silence, trying to process what had just happened. You had just kissed Hyunjin. You had just kissed Hyunjin. Hands shaking, you grasped at the ends of your hair, trying to calm yourself down. Did that just happen?

You were more mad at yourself than at him. How could you have just kissed Hyunjin? You hated him. He was nothing but rude to you, never smiling and always accusing you of things that were clearly lies. He made you feel self conscious, nervous, and everything in between. You hated him.

But he was so sweet on that fateful day in high school. He gave you a new pair of shoes when you had slipped during practice, and he held your hair for you when you were drunk. His hair glistened in the sunlight, his smile made your heart race, and his lips ignited sparks of every colour in the rainbow in your chest.

You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated how fast you became infatuated with him on that day in high school, and no matter how much you tried to deny it, you hated that your feelings haven’t changed ever since. You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated that you loved him.

Curling up in your bed, there was no stopping the tears flowing down your face. You cried and cried upon this realization, and you remained this way for the rest of the day. The effect Hyunjin had on you was bigger than you ever expected, and you hated it.

-

At school, you tried to avoid as many people as possible. The kiss you had shared with Hyunjin was plaguing your mind, distracting you and igniting the fire that was your inner turmoil. Even the thought of Hyunjin put a strain in your heart. It was the way his breath fanned over your nose, gently tickling it like a bird’s feather and the soft silk of his blonde locks brushing up against your cheeks.

You shook your head, trying to erase any and every thought of that man. Walking to your locker, you were stopped in your tracks, the dam in your eyes starting to crack. You couldn’t do this today. You turned around to go somewhere else — anywhere else.

“Y/n, wait.”

You sniffed, wiped stray tears from your eyes, and picked up your pace.

“Y/n.” He grabbed your shoulder, turning you around to face him.

“Hyunjin, please, I can’t do this today.”

“Are you… Are you crying?” He touched your face, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Y/n, why are you crying?”

You shook your head. You were scared of what would happen if you opened your stupid mouth.

“Y/n, please.” Hyunjin begged. His voice was shaking. “Tell me why.”

You shook your head again.

“Y/n, please.” His voice cracked.

“Hyunjin,” you paused, taking a shaky breath, “it’s because I love you. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment you smiled at my pathetic ass. Even when you hurt me more than anyone has hurt me before… I never had a choice, Hyunjin. It’s always been you.”

You tore yourself away from Hyunjin, embarrassed to your core. That was the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done, but at least you had closure now.

“Y/n…”

“No, Hyunjin. You’ve torn me down and humiliated me enough already. What more could you possibly want?” You demanded, aware that everybody around you was staring.

“Y/n,” Hyunjin rasped, “It’s only ever been you. I’ve spent the last three years miserable knowing that you were with someone else. I’ve-I’ve never even been with another girl in the past three years. I know you have no reason to believe me because I was such an ass. I am such an ass. Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for projecting my insecurities on you, I’m sorry for accusing you of things I know you’ve never done, and I’m sorry for anything else I might have fucking done. Y/n, I love you. Please, I don’t fucking deserve it, but is there any way you could forgive me?”

You stared at Hyunjin’s bloodshot eyes, tears freely flowing down your cheeks, and before you could even think, you found yourself pressed against his lips. Your eyes closed, savouring the feeling of his soft lips touching your own. His wet cheek pressed against your own, and with a nudge of the nose, Hyunjin deepend the kiss with a raw passion in which you’ve never felt before.

You cradled his head, relishing in his silken blonde hair as you brushed your fingers through his locks. He sighed in response, his breath tickling against your cheek. You were fully aware that everyone on campus had seen both your messy confessions of love, but you didn’t care. All you could do was replay the moment that Hyunjin had said those words — those three tiny words — over and over in your head as you ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his soft, honey lips.

#stray kids #stray kids imagines #stray kids scenarios #stray kids x reader #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fluff #stray kids angst #skz scenarios #skz imagines #stray kids fanfiction #hyunjin #hyunjin imagine #hyunjin imagines #hyunjin scenarios #hyunjin fanfic #hyunjin x reader #hyunjin angst #hyunjin fluff #hyunjin scenario #hyunjin oneshot #stray kids one shot #stray kids oneshot #stray kids smut