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studentinpursuitofclouds · 11 days

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Hey, I saw your requests open, and I had a thought. What would the bachelors/Bachelorettes do if they saw Farmer trying to sneak in a love potion/powder (not drugs, just something from the wizard) into their drinks? I don't know much about all of them so I can't really imagine what they would do. Also, if they would punish the Farmer (not nsfw), what punishment would it be?

Oooo, drama :D Sure thing, dear anon! Enjoy some headcanons 🫰💕

(PS: My requests are currently closed for now. I'll open it again soon!)

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SDV bachelors/ettes react to the Farmer trying to sneak in a love potion/powder

Bachelors:

Hey, what's that Farmer doing there- What the heck!? Sam's kind of a prankster himself, but this is out of line, and putting some stuff in his Joja Coke wasn't cool on Farmer's part. It's not "love powder," it's clearly some kind of laxative or something. Not cool at all, man. The young guitarist will stop hanging out with them for a while and honestly announce to the others why he and Farmer are avoiding each other. But if they apologise and don't do that again, Sammy will forgive them. Probably.

Shane with a distinct "are you fucking for real?" emotion on his face sizzled Farmer with his stare. He may have understood their weirdness before, but this is one he doesn't understand and doesn't want to. So the chicken man just takes them by the collar and kicks them the heck out of Marnie's Ranch. No, he ain't gonna listen to their excuses and their 'mad love' for him or whatever other bullshit they got going on. Farmer is forbidden to be around him or Marnie and Jas, or else physical violence will be involved.

Outrageous! This is just... unacceptable! Such disrespect and disregard for his persona! Elliott considered them a decent friend, but Farmer decided to stab him in the back by putting an unknown substance in his wine! And these excuses... Love powder? It's- were they trying to slip him an aphrodisiac?! No, Elliott won't stand for that. Out of his house, now! Begone, he said! Before he starts shouting at them more! The written is definitely gonna have to rethink his opinion of Farmer.

"I hope it was cinnamon in my coffee." Harvey already knows it's far from cinnamon, but he was curious as to what excuse the Farmer would come up with. Actually, no need to bother, the doctor doesn't want to hear anything. What he does want now is for Farmer to leave the clinic and to close the door behind them. At their pleading words that they love him, Harvey raised an eyebrow sceptically. Love is built on mutual understanding and trust, not this. From now on, they would only have a patient-doctor relationship, nothing more.

What kind of sick joke is this? What the hell did the farmer slip Alex? What... energy tonic? Pfffff, yeah! Stop lying to him. He saw them pour the strange liquid into the bottle. And now the athlete is demanding an explanation. Really, "love potion"? Very funny. Alex isn't three years old enough to believe in magic and stuff. He tells the Farmer to get out of his face, cos with his muscles he's sure to win the fight. He doesn't even want to look in their direction.

And the day was starting out so well for Sebastian.... Just when he thought he was going to have a good time and play videogames with his friend, Farmer, they slip some kind of drug into his mug. He's not even angry, just... disappointed. Sebby will just stare at them in silence until Farmer finally leave his basement. Then he'll shut the door (so he doesn't have to explain to his mum and the others) and text Sam and Abby that hanging out with Farmer won't happen and they also should be careful. Wow, what a day, huh...

Bachelorettes:

Leah would be in a pure rage, and Farmer could count themself lucky if the artist hit them in the face with just her fist. Because if she had sculpting tools or anything else sharp or heavy around her, Farmer would be in a hospital for a long time. Leah genuinely thought they were her friend, but they ended up being another creep, and the ginger girl would stay away from them as much as possible. There can be no talk of any love. Moreover, she is unlikely to ever consider them a friend again. The trust is broken.

A cold shoulder from Maru. Why the heck did the Farmer decide that this behaviour was ok!? Slipping her some psychotropic substance (she believes in science, so the phrase "magic powder" is tantamount to naming a drug or poison to her) in her coffee cup while she was busy with her flasks in the lab? Maru advises them to leave, for if she calls her mom and dad now, things will get much worse. She may accept their sincere apology in the future, but for now Maru wants to be alone, away from all this drama.

Abigail will be shouting at them at the top of her voice about what the heck and what the fuck! Are the passing residents now looking at them? That's right! Let everyone know what Farmer just wants to do. And she's not going to stop at Pelican Town alone, oh no. So if Farmer is active in social media, the amethyst lover will soon mention them in her post-calling about them and that they can't be trusted. It's not very mature response from Abby, but she's too angry to think twice. Love??? Fuck you, Farmer!

L- love powder? Emily can't believe her own ears. Friendship and love are supposed to be pure and true feelings, trust and respect for each other. Was their friendship not enough? Couldn't they understand the joy in sharing and not just taking everything for themselves? Emily is very disappointed in the Farmer. She will just start ignoring them and seek spiritual healing in meditation. She hopes the Farmer will apologise sincerely and realise their mistakes, but she will be very careful with them for now.

Now Penny is afraid of Farmer, because... what if this isn't the first time? Maybe they've slipped her something before, since Farmer was so sure of what they're doing, thinking the young teacher wouldn't notice them. But the spirits were not on Farmer's side and Penny saw it all. Now the poor girl is tormented by paranoia and fear of them. No need to try to chase her and apologise or she'll panic and call her mum. And Farmer certainly won't want to deal with Pam.

Farmer couldn't imagine Haley being capable of so morally destroying someone, but here we are. "Love potion", huh? So they want to "speed up" the lovemaking process? Now she'd show them the consequences of their stupid action. In addition to scratches from her fresh manicure, Farmer will get a huge public condemnation from all the bachelors and bachelorettes. So that inadvertently no one (especially her sister) falls into this trap. Oh, and she'll pour that potion over Farmer's head. Loser...

#stardew valley #sdv #sdv penny #sdv maru #sdv leah #sdv abigail #sdv haley #sdv emily #sdv sam #sdv shane #sdv elliott #sdv harvey #sdv sebastian #sdv alex #sdv headcanons #thanks for the ask!#If you think about it this substance is a magic powder/potion but the residents will definitely consider it some kind of poison or drug

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yazthebansheek · 2 months

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day 6.draw one of the Crp clowns/jesters! + Headcanons! (Candy Pop)

He is 7’2

Loves eating candy.

Will have psychotic sugar rushes sometimes and then pass tf out.

Yk he has that man spread ass sit bro💀💀

Honestly really childish

Long ass tongue…

Ayo what can that tongue do 🤨😏

Def likes Jason in that way.

Bisexual…AND BIPOLAR!!!!

ADHD.

Likes to annoy, scare, and piss people off for fun.

Careless, reckless, ruthless and sadistic.

Masochist?

Prankster + jokester

Kind of narcissistic / over confident.

Kinda hard to offend/anger.

Doesn’t like people seeing him in his night terror form.

100% horny 80% of the time.

He doesn’t really care about gender. If he can fuck he will fuck.

Whore. absolute fucking slut. Cock slut. Loves pussy. Loves cock. Sluttiest thot in this motherfucking bitch. Cunty thotty slutty whore.💀💀💀💀💀 (I can’t take myself seriously bro)

Doesn’t wear make-up. That’s legit js his face.

Sharp ahh teeth like boy-

Waaaaayyyyy too over protective of his sister, Candy Cane.

One of the best bff’s you could ever have, Nathan is Lucky.

Ofc his bestie is Nathan, it’s literally Canon!!!!<3

Kinda gets jealous easily? Mostly when he doesn’t get attention or gets attention absolutely stolen from him.

Loves to be the center of attention

He uses black magic, dark magic, demonic magic, voodoo, witchcraft, whatever cursed/dark magic you can think of, he does it or has done it.

List of things he loves: #3. Jason. #2. His sister. #1. His hair!!!!

He loves his hair more than anything, a bitch even think about touching his hair he will backhand them so motherfucking hard they forget how to speak.

He doesn’t really like judge angels. Why? Because most things related to a fucking angel, he hates. He has never really met her though so….He just always judges a book by its cover honestly.

Him and LJ fight a lot, but they can get along together sometimes.

His father figure? Oh hell yeah, y’all know it’s Papa Grande. Fuck slenderman, ain’t nobody like that old bitch.

Upside down crosses everywhere. <3

He likes bright colors.

Jason will have this man in a corset sometimes like holy shit???!

He’s a mini fashionista and also Jason’s model/inspiration sometimes.

Coming in contact (touch) with some holy objects or angels will cause him 3rd degree burns😘🩷 and he just doesn’t really like holy water, but it won’t burn him.

Bibles and some holy shit makes him weaker, but in a more painful way. Which usually makes this man screech in pain<3333 I’m such a sadist 🥰😇

He doesn’t like angels or people in most religions

He likes to play dress up/other games with sally, sometimes LJ and Jason will join too!

Whenever playing Alice in wonderland with Sally, he’s the Cheshire Cat.

He’s a top obvi!!!

he can enter and exit through mirrors as he pleases.

He can teleport

He/They/it

Likes to hang around the pasta kids because they lure in unsuspecting worried adults (aka free prey for Candy ;))

Candy, Pop, Poppy, Night, Poppyseed, C.pop, whore, Hatsune Miku, Raspberry fairy demon, Hatsune Miku demon jester, fairy princess jester demon, Slut, bestie, clown, raspberry, creepy blue clown bitch, night terror, night terrors, cluster demon, the collector, emperor of the dark, dark emperor, the dark omen, demon from the abyss, abyss demon.

He can steal other people’s powers, supernatural strength and speed, he can jump high, adapt to his environment quickly, really good sharp senses, enhanced visuality, and can phase through walls (ghosting)

Manipulation, teleportation, dark architect, power gifting, mind control, mastermind, nightmare manipulation, shapeshifting, magic (mentioned b4), levitation, invisibility, soul absorption

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switchundercover · 8 months

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Tickletober Day 4: Weak Spot

A/N: Hello hello everyone! I'm back with another spiderverse tk fic because I am not normal about spiderverse or tks (the fact that I say 'tks' should tell you everything you need to know-) ANYWAYS! I'm doing day 4 of tickletober, again with lee!hobie because I love this tall punk and he needs to be wrecked to hell and back. I've decided I'm not going to do every single day of tickletober, really just ones I feel like doing and have the motivation for. I realistically wouldn't be able to do every day anyways, as I'm fairly busy with school atm. Anyways, I won't take up anymore of your time, so just enjoy the fic! :D

TW: swearing, tickles

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It took a lot to shake Hobie Brown, a lot to catch him off guard, to make him tick. Not even counting the spidey-sense that he and every other spider-person had, it still took a lot to even mildly surprise him. All of his friends knew this, and they were driven mad by this fact.

Which led to now.

"Okay, so operation 'Finally surprise Hobie' is a go?" Miles asked, narrowing his eyes as he looked at Gwen and Pavitr. The three teenagers were located in the spider-society cafeteria, getting a bite to eat as they discussed their master plan. Pavitr shrugged, tilting his head to the side.

"Well," Pavitr began, drawing out the word. "We could do it after we eat.. but! I do have an idea on how we can really get him!" He beamed, a huge grin on his face. Miles and Gwen looked at Pavitr, a look of curiosity, but also a bit of mischief to it.

"Go on.." Gwen urged, her eyes shining with pure mischief.

"Okay.. so you guys don't know this, but..."

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Hobie chuckled as he saw Miles approach him, tilting his head to the side. Miles was running to Hobie with a sense of urgency, which spiked the punks curiosity. He gave Miles a small wave, looking down at the panting teenager.

"Ay Miles, watcha need? Seems urgent." Hobie said, giving Miles a small, yet curious grin. Miles wiped a bit of sweat from his forehead, straightening his slightly bent posture to look at Hobie. "Yeah, actually.. I.." Miles paused, taking a moment to catch his breath.. and also try his best to hide the growing smirk that was appearing on his face.

"Me.. Pav, Gwen.. we need your help." Miles said, quickly thinking up a story to elaborate on. "We lost one of Miguel's.. gadgets- don't ask why we have it- and we can't find it anywhere. Last I checked it was somewhere in Pav's room but.." Miles paused a second time, trying to make up a convincing enough story to fool Hobie, which was pretty damn hard with him usually being the main prankster of the group.

And yet, there was no elaboration needed, because Hobie was apparently none the wiser.

"Pfft. Sure, I'll help you guys out. You don't want Miguel on your ass for losin' something of his, lemme tell ya." He agreed, a low chuckle coming from the punk. Miles had to fight the huge mischievous grin that threatened to appear on his face, opting for a soft smile instead.

"Great, thanks man!" Miles said, bouncing on his heels. "Gwen and Pav are already in his dimension so I'll just.." Miles created a portal to Earth-50101 for him and Hobie, looking back at the punk before jumping in, with said punk following close behind.

Gwen's leg bounced as she sat on Pavitr's bed, looking up at the Indian Spider-Man with a slightly worried expression. "You know if we do this we're dead right?" Gwen said, looking around Pavitr's room almost haphazardly.

"Don't worry!" Pavitr reassured, cracking his knuckles in slight preparation. "If he's getting anyone back, it's me! This was my idea after all!" He added, looking to Gwen with a determined expression.

A portal in Pavitr's room opened suddenly, with Miles hopping out and Hobie right behind him, his hands in his vest pockets. Gwen looked to Miles, her expression practically asking Miles if Hobie bought the lie. Miles got the message and gave her a thumbs up when Hobie wasn't looking.

"Right, so, you lot ended up losin' one of Miguel's gadgets if I'm not mistaken?" Hobie asked, raising an eyebrow at the three teenagers in front of him. Miles nodded, praying that Gwen and Pavitr did the same. Miles internally cursed himself for not telling Gwen and Pavitr what lie he came up before hand, but he let out an internal sigh of relief when Gwen began to speak.

"Uh.. yeah. Lost it somewhere in Pav's room.." Gwen said, pretending to look underneath Pavitr's bed in search for the gadget they 'lost'. Hobie chuckled and actually began looking for this not-really-lost gadget, looking at the higher shelves that were in Pavitr's room. While Hobie wasn't looking, Miles gave Pavitr and Gwen a huge grin, his eyes sparkling with mischief. Gwen and Pavitr returned the mischievous expression, all of them looking to Hobie with a devilish smirk.

An idea brewed in Miles' mind, walking over to Hobie and trying to hide the devilish grin on his face. "Is it not up here?" Miles asked, looking up to Hobie. "Uh.. don't think so." Hobie replied, sighing as he looked down at Miles. "Alright.. thanks, by the way." Miles added, giving Hobie a small poke or two to the torso as thanks, also just to check if Hobie reacted.

Hobie didn't even flinch.

Miles internally sighed at the lack of a reaction, going back to Gwen and Pavitr, who were pretending to look for the gadget. Miles bent down to Pavitr's level, the teen pretending to look in a few drawers.

"I thought you said he was ticklish?" Miles whispered, keeping his tone incredibly soft so Hobie wouldn't hear. "He is! You just gotta know where to poke!" Pavitr replied, giving Miles a poke to the ribs to prove his point. Miles squeaked and jumped back, lightly slapping Pavitr's arm. "Well where do I poke?" Miles asked, widening his eyes as another way to ask for further elaboration.

Pavitr couldn't help but giggle, cocking his head to the side. "Here.. give me a second.."

Pavitr walked up to Hobie, grabbing his hands rather quickly and dragging him closer to the middle of the room. Hobie let out a small yelp, stumbling on his feet from the sudden movement. "Pav, what're you doin'? If you needed help over here you coulda shouted for me." Hobie said, looking at Pavitr with a mildly confused expression. His expression only grew more confused when Pavitr started giggling, and also when Gwen and Miles looked up from where they were 'searching'.

Gwen and Miles had to stop themselves from giggling, both of them covering their mouths with their hands. Pavitr looked towards Gwen and Miles, not even being able to hide the mischief in his eyes. "I'll let you guys take the lead, I feel like it's not as fun if I tell you guys where he's ticklish!"

Hobie's eyes widened very slightly, covering up his mild nervousness with a smirk and a laugh. "Ha! That's funny you guys, that's bloody hilarious! I'm not even ticklish." He said, his tone as smug as ever. Miles, Gwen, and especially Pavitr didn't buy the lie, with Pavitr shaking his head and chuckling. "C'mon Hobie! You can't keep up that facade forever! They had to find out eventually!" Pavitr giggled, a slightly teasing lilt to his voice. The tone of Pavitr's voice made Hobie's stomach do flips, but he would never admit it out loud. The punk took a step back, the first crack in his confident facade.

"There isn't a missing gadget is there? you lot tricked me, is that it?" Hobie's questions were met with more giggling, which Hobie assumed meant 'Yeah, we tricked you and you fell for it'.

"It was Pav's idea!" Miles was quick to blame, pointing a finger at Pavitr before anything else. Pavitr shrugged in response, looking at Miles before returning his attention to Hobie. "I know you're gonna destroy me after this, but in my opinion this is worth it!"

Miles was the first to pounce, tackling Hobie to the ground and relentlessly scratching at his stomach, seeing how the punk would react. Hobie was a bit surprised by the sudden display of strange that ended up literally sweeping the punk off his feet. He was also surprised by the bold move by Miles' fingernails scratching and scribbling at his torso, a choked giggle coming from the punk.

"I'm not ticklish mate. Give it up.." Hobie said, turning his head to the side as he felt the tiniest giggle build up inside of him. Pavitr could be heard chuckling, once again shaking his head as he looked at Hobie.

"Here, I'll give you guys a hint! There's one really ticklish spot on his body! Once you find that, he'll start going crazy!" Pavitr grinned, watching Hobie begin to squirm underneath Miles' weight. Seeing Miles struggle to stay on top of Hobie, Gwen quickly moved to sit on his thighs, her back facing Miles. Pavitr thought it was only fair if he didn't interfere, as he already knew every little spot on Hobie's body that made him crack, opting to just watch Gwen and Miles figure it out themselves.

"Sorry Hobie, you kind of deserve this, let's be honest." Miles moved his fingers to Hobie's sides as Gwen's sharp nails began working on Hobie's legs, starting at his thighs. Hobie found it a bit harder to hide the giggles that were threatening to escape his lips, but he managed to hide them pretty well.

"I thought I told you guys-! I'm not ticklish!" Hobie said, his tone becoming a bit more high-pitched as he let out the softest giggle. Hobie squirmed underneath Miles and Gwen's weight, finding it surprisingly hard to wiggle out from underneath them. Miles and Gwen didn't buy what came out of Hobie's mouth, instead continuing to relentlessly tickle Hobie as Pavitr watched, the boy giggling at Hobie's expense.

Miles and Gwen grinned widely at the tiny giggle that came from Hobie, now knowing they had to persist, and find that aforementioned sweet spot that Pavitr told them about. Gwen and Miles' hands worked in an unpredictable fashion, keeping Hobie guessing where they would strike next. Miles' hands ruthlessly clawed at Hobie's stomach, trying to find the softest spots on his torso, and Gwen's fingernails scraped along his thighs, occasionally moving a bit lower, right next to his knee. This is where Gwen noticed something, where she noticed Hobie would tense up and squirm around a bit more whenever she got to close to his knees. Gwen nudged Miles' shoulder with her own, urging him to look at her.

"Hey, Miles.." Gwen whispered, a devilish smirk on her face. Miles looked behind him to see Gwen, his fingers still squeezing and scribbling Hobie's torso as if it was a usual thing he did that didn't require any extra thought. (Miles would now want it to be a usual thing if it meant Hobie reacted in the honestly adorable way that he did.)

"Yeah? Did you find something?" Miles grinned, his eyes sparkling at the idea. Gwen nodded and pointed to Hobie's knee, circling one finger around his kneecap. Hobie's leg jerked as he put a hand to his mouth, his squirming only increasing as he tried to get the two teenagers off of him.

"You little- pfft-! S-stop that!" Hobie attempted to bark out an insult, but ended up fighting back a squeak as Gwen began scribbling along his knee. Hobie grit his teeth and made an attempt to kick his legs out, but his attempt at doing so were only met with more tickles. Miles decided that it'd be a good idea to help Gwen out, the two teens sitting on each of Hobie's legs and skittering their fingers along Hobie's knees.

Hobie did a pretty decent job at hiding his giggles, which disappointed Miles and Gwen, who both looked to Pavitr for help. Pavitr chuckled in response and pointed to his own knee, but pointed to the backside as opposed to the front. Gwen's and Miles' eyes widened in response, their grins growing impossibly wider as they wasting no time and started scratching along the backsides of Hobie's knees.

Hobie actually screamed.

"PFFTHAHAHAHAHAHA-! YOU LITTLE SHIHIHIHITS!! STOP THAHAHAHAT!" Hobie screeched, throwing his head back as he dissolved into loud cackles. Miles and Gwen's grins grew incredibly wide, and Pavitr could be heard giggling and clapping his hands.

"Well, you guys got close.. but in the end I still had to help!" Pavitr chuckled, shuffling over to Hobie. Pavitr smirked and began scribbling at Hobie's stomach, earning louder laughter from the punk. "F-FUHUHAHACK PAHAV-! STAHAHAHAHAHAP THAT!!" Hobie begged, his eyes stained with mirthful tears.

Pavitr in fact, did not stop, knowing that Hobie would only actually need a break if he stopped resisting, which he wasn't in the slightest. Hobie kicked and thrashed underneath the weight of Miles and Gwen, and he also weakly batted at Pavitr's arms, it didn't do much to deter the thirty fingers that were scratching at his body as fast as possible, but it was worth a shot right?

"Wow, Hobie. And I thought you said you weren't ticklish.." Miles said, continuing to scratch behind Hobie's knee with one hand, and looking down at his other hand as a cruel idea flicked into his mind. Hobie's only response was flipping Miles off, being to incapacitated from his laughter to do anything else. Gwen chuckled as she saw Hobie give Miles the finger, experimentally squeezing the skin underneath Hobie's knee, only to be met with more cackles and shrieks.

A few sparks of blue electricity flicked across Miles' fingers, a wide smirk appearing on his face. Miles stopped tickling Hobie, and zapped the skin underneath his knee with one finger, all the electricity he charged up going straight to Hobie. The feeling didn't hurt in the slightest, in fact, Hobie would argue it did the exact opposite as he let out an uncharacteristically high-pitched shriek.

"MILES-!! FUHUHUCKIN STAHAP- SHIHIHIT NOT AGAHAIN-! NAHAHAHAHAHA MILES!" Hobie screamed as Miles zapped behind his knee a second time, his eyes shut as mirthful tears began to fall down his face. Hobie's squirming lessened significantly, the only thing the punk had the energy to was laugh, and even his own laughter was beginning to go silent. Miles, Gwen, and Pavitr noticed this, and they all slowly came to a stop, looking down at the panting Hobie.

"You alright? We didn't kill you did we?" Gwen asked, her tone mostly teasing, but with a slight hint of genuine worry. Hobie shook his head, giving Gwen a shaky thumbs up.

"N-nah.. I'm fine.." Hobie replied, still stuck in a fit of giggles. Hobie put the back of his hand to his forehead, closing his eyes as he tried to ignore the lingering tingles that stayed on his body even after the three teenagers pulled their hands away.

Once Hobie regained enough energy, he sighed, lifting his head up slightly. "Could you guys.. get offa me?" Hobie asked, being met with two nods and Gwen and Miles getting off of Hobie. Hobie sat up, and as if he hadn't lost a single bit of energy, sprung up to his feet, wiping his eyes as laughter-induced tears still stained them. The three other teens in the room followed Hobie, each and every one of them springing up to their feet with similar energy.

"Right.. now if I remember correctly, Miles said you were the instigator behind all this, right Pav?" Hobie asked, cracking his knuckles and looking at Pavitr with an expression that said 'I'm gonna tickle the shit out of you.'

Pavitr responded with a nervous giggle, gingerly backing up from where Hobie stood. "W-well.. Miles and Gwen did agree to it, so.." Pavitr stammered, trying to convince Hobie to go after the other two instead.

"Yeah, yeah. I know, I'm gettin' em back later. But for now.."

"H-hobie-! W-wait, wait wait- HOHOHOHOHOHOBIE-!"

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#tickle #tickles #atsv tickles #atsv tickle #across the spiderverse tickles #lee!hobie #ler!miles #ler!gwen #ler!pavitr #hobie needs to be wrecked /a #noticing a servere lack of gwen in tk fics and i won't stand for it

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moonlight-tmd · 5 months

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ok so I was thinking about the Amica bond (specifically bout bee & bulk) and how it's kinda like the Conjux bond; while they can feel each other's presence and emotions it's faded, like they can't fully understand it but it's there. idk it's my take on it. anyway, say that the rest of team prime doesn't know of bee and bulk's Amica bond.

how funny would it be when bee senses that bulk is in trouble and without warning dashes straight towards where bulk is (and vice versa). the team would be so confused on how both bee and bulk know where the other is at random given moments of danger without a signal/warning/comm. or anything

Lol yeah, just Bulkhead suddenly stopping mid-sentence and driving out of base and everyone's so confused and then he comes back with semi-dented Bumblebee.

It just keeps repeating- tho it's most often Bulkhead who leaves and comes back with Bee than Bee with Bulkhead. (little man's got troubles for days-)

I never knew how Amicas worked so i came up with my own idea of it; it's like the Conjunx sparkbond but not that intense- as in they have a vague idea of what the other is feeling (sad, happy, scared, etc) but there is no exact emotion pointed. Amicas also don't feel what their other is physically feeling, for example Conjunxes would feel each other's pain if one was hurt and would react too, the one's emotions can also affect how the other feels. And while Conjunxes can send like, a short visions of what they see to the other thru their bond, Amicas only have a feeling of where to go in order to find each other. There is this presence both parties have of their significant other in them but with Amicas it is very faint. Like, Conjuxes have ot touch Sparks in order for the bond to form. Amicas are made with light emmiting from the baren Spark- there is no physcial bridge for the energy to flow and form a strong bond, hence why Amicas' feelings are muted in comparison to Conjunxes.

I imagine it happened after the Wasp incident when he replaced Bee. Bee was sad and a little disappointed than none of his friends noticed it wasn't him. Not even Bulkhead- at least not at first. Wasp was fooling him a good while before the big bot finally noticed something was off.

Bee and Bulkhead had quite a story together- the big bot tried his best to befriend the minibot back at bootcamp but never succeeded, the yellow bot just kept pushing him away. Only after one of the rougher encounters with Wasp, Bulkhead found Bee sitting all alone crying. Bee argued to leave him alone but Bulkhead didn't and they talked. It turns out Bee was depressed and most likely suicidal from all the torment from Wasp. That one moment is all it took for them to become nearly inseparable.

Soon enough Bulk got to learn Bee's true nature as a prankster, he pulled a rather malicious prank on Sentinel and was having one heck of a fun time with it. Then Longarm came along and Wasp was deemed a traitorous spy. The trio had a good time together until Bee got kicked out. Bulkhead was short from getting the degree so Bee secretly hung around the ship until Bulkhead was out and he got him a job as a repair bot in the same squad.

It was after Wasp came and impersonated Bee Bulkhead felt that it was time to do something. They became Amicas, life-long best friends.

It sure as hell was awkward at first but they got used to the new feelings pretty quickly. And obviously, they did not bother to tell the others about it.

I think the team only learned that they were Amicas when they were trying to find Bee after they split up to scout the forest for some mission and Bee did not come back on time. They were in the middle of talking about what he must be doing when Bulkhead spoke up with a disappointed yet concerned face. "He's in trouble again."

He didn't answer any immediate questions, just started walking in a direction and yup, sure enough Bee was fighting for his life with the weird non-sentient insecticon creatures Blackarachnia conjured up out of nothing again.

"You two aren't telling us something here." Ratchet was fed up with this, it was primus-knows-which-time this happened.

Bee and Bulkhead were just like "Didn't you tell them?" "No, I thought you told them?" "What? No I thou- oooh I see what happened." "Oh.. Yeah." "Yeah, we forgot to tell you."

"Tell us what??" "We're Amicas." And Bee said that so nonchalantly before talking about what he found so far. The others were literally bewildered while Ratchet facepalmed. It was unreal how they took such a big commitment as something on the same level of importance as a reminder to take out the trash, for example.

I think Bulkhead would be so used to covering for Bee when he gets in trouble he know immediately when he did a prank and is on the run from consequences. Like, he'd be minding his own business painting in his room when all of a suddent he'd get this phantom feeling of adrenaline and he knows. He's just doing the little countdown and Bee bursts into his room begging to hide him quickly. "No I didn't see him, although I think I saw some yellow speeding down the hallway a moment ago." Bulkhead said when Optimus came to ask about Bee with some oddly and overly sparkly spots on his plating.

Bee put transparent glitter in his polishing paste. Okay, that one is funny, he has to admit.

Also, i think Bee would try to do the whole Amica rite with Sari after she gets upgraded. He'd aks Bulkhead first if he was okay with it- even if there was no need, according to Bulkhead Bee can have as many life best friends as he likes and vice versa. So yeh, Bee takes Sari for a fun day, just them 2 and then does the whole 'you are important to me' rite. He kinda has to teach her how to reveal her Spark-Heart thing cuz she's still learning about her techno part. And so- tadah! Those two are also Amicas.

And yeah, i think that's it. Thank you for the ask!

#maccadam #tfa #ask box #tfa bumblebee #tfa bulkhead #tfa headcanons #tfa sari #long post

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malarkgirlypop · 7 months

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MEDIC! Part 13 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)

HEY! So this chapter is not as sad, still a teeny tiny bit. But the rest is fun! I had a good giggle. I am really setting myself up to be super duper hurt when the inevitable happens, but I have grown so attached to Skip and Alex. I know they were just trouble makers! Silly little pranksters with terrible jokes and great banter! Goofy goobers. That's their group name the goofy goobers ahahah. Their foxhole would've been the most lively and loud!

This is based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, no hate to anyone involved!

“He had a god damn Luger in his pants.” Buck explains to Babe and Bill what happened to Hoob. I sat quietly listening, when Buck first arrived talking about the incident I wanted to run away immediately, I didn’t want to have to think back to Hoob’s death. It hurt too much. But I couldn’t get away fast enough or come up with a good excuse to leave while Buck was talking. Buck was so serious. He was different from before, or so I had heard. I had only met Buck briefly before we did the Market Garden attack. He was injured in the assault, which I had treated. God that felt so long ago. That was only my second day after going through the shimmer, which is what I lovingly call the portal that took me here. I had no idea what I was doing. It’s weird to think back to a time where I wasn’t close with all the Easy men. Bull had been kind enough to take me under his wing and surprisingly everyone else was kind, but I wasn’t close to them. I consider them now my family, I love all of them so dearly. I often think about what my life would be like if I didn’t put my hand through the shimmer, had just ignored it and moved on. When I had my first few months here, I would constantly look for the portal. I would sneak away during the night when I could and scour the surroundings. But after a while I stopped looking, I stopped thinking about it altogether.

“Jesus.” Babe muttered, as Bill stated, “Dear God.”

“And don’t you two do something stupid like that, all right.” Buck warned the two men. He thinks he doesn’t have to warn me, but little does he know I also have the pistol that Winters gave me in my bag. But I keep it unloaded, too paranoid that it will fire even with the safety on.

“Try not to, Buck.” Babe reassures him.

“I mean it.” Buck reiterates trying to drill his point into the men’s heads. “And you, Wild Bill, I’ve invested too much goddamn time shaping you into something useful.” Bill gives his signature chuckle. “You do something crazy, get yourself knocked out of this thing…” Buck laughs but his manner is serious.

“I know, I know, you’ll kill me.” Bill finishes Buck’s sentence knowing what the man is getting at.

“Even if you’re dead, I’ll still kill you!” He jokingly threatens, as he bonks Bill on the head with a stick. I laugh watching the interaction, the sound of the stick hitting Bill's helmet just tickling my funny bone.

“I’ll see you guys later, alright. I’m gonna check on the other guys.” Buck swiftly left.

Babe and I watched the man leave. “Crazy Joe McCloskey.” Babe muttered to himself. I looked over at him, giving him a confused look, I swivelled my head to look at Bill who was wearing the same expression.

“What?” Bill asked Babe who still stared at Buck who had kneeled down to talk to the men in the next hole over.

“Who’s Crazy Joe McCloskey?” I asked Babe. He turns to me. “This guy used to hang out the front of Delancey’s and just… you know, stare at people.”

“Yeah, I know who Crazy Joe McCloskey is. What the hell’s that got to do with anything, Babe?” Bill retorts trying to understand what Babe is going on about. I look between the men, listening to the conversation.

“Hmm, Buck kind of reminds me of him now.” Babe says still watching Buck.

“What?” Bill says in his harsh accent, leaning forward in disbelief.

“You know, ever since he got shot in Holland.” Babe stated.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Bill moved to come sit in between Babe and I. “Wait. What are you saying he’s nuts? Cause Crazy Joe McCloskey was fucking nuts, Babe. That’s why they called him Crazy Joe.” Bill tried to get what Babe was saying straight.

“No, I'm not saying he's nuts. I’m just saying-” Babe pauses trying to articulate his point.

“What? What are you saying?” Bill pushes Babe for an answer.

“Oh, forget it.” Babe dismisses his comment.

“What?” Bill coerces.

“Forget it.” Babe pauses thinking again about his original statement, “Oh, come on, you’ve seen him Bill. He’s-he’s all wound up like a spring.” He finally comes out with it.

“Hey, hey, hey he’s fine. It wasn’t getting shot that got him. It was being in that hospital. I’ve been there ok? It ain’t pretty.” Bill defends his friend. Babe nods understanding where Bill is coming from. “Besides, you saw, once he was up and moving around, he was his old self again. I’m telling you Buck Compton’s fine.” Bill and Babe nod at each other.

Their conversation piqued my interest. Don was good friends with Buck; they often sat and talked to each other when they had time. I was friendly with Buck but I wasn’t as close as the rest of the men were to him. I wondered if that’s because I had only properly met him after he had come back from the hospital that Bill was talking about. He had already formed bonds with the men before I had arrived and then after being discharged he wasn’t the same. He still had the same friendships with the men due to having the rapport beforehand but with me he was polite. We didn’t click the way I did with everyone else. He didn’t sit and chat with me, or try to get to know me. I had tried before but he didn’t stay long. The conversation often felt forced and awkward. He seemed to be in his own mind most of the time.

We crowd around Peacock as the men wish him well on his travels home. I don’t know who’s more stoked, the men or Peacock. He’s a sweet guy and tries his best but he’s not the best platoon leader, often getting lost, or leaving the men behind to fend for themselves. Peacock was being sent home to rally more men to join the cause. Due to the heavy amounts of casualties from the war, we needed men to replace the ones who couldn’t make it back to us. I stand on the outside watching as the men huddle together and chant, “Hip, hip, hooray!”

More days pass, it’s quiet. Eerily quiet which puts me on edge. Skip and Alex tell me to relax, enjoy the holiday while we can. I laugh, shaking my head, “Yeah what a holiday, I’m freezing my ass off stuck in a hole with you two nitwits.” Skip mocks hurt feelings as Alex tried to pin me under his arm to give me a noogie. I laugh playfully fighting with Alex, these two are like the brothers I never had. They constantly tease me, wind me up, tell me terrible jokes. I give it back to them, roasting them with witty insults.

One of the men films us on an old camera, well I say old, this is new technology for this time. I laugh thinking about if I just pulled my phone from my bag and showed them the camera, they would be shocked. Probably a bit too shocked, do they still burn witches in this time? We smile and pull silly faces as the man shoots us, laughing at Alex for doing a stupid face.

“Skip, did you see what he did?” I manage through laughter, Skip laughs shaking his head. “He did this.” I mimic the strange pose Alex did, crossing my arms over my chest and puffing it out, pulling the face he did, he kinda looked like Robert De Niro, the scrunched up face and pulled down lips with squinting eyes. Alex scoffs pushing me over in the hole, as Skip and I die laughing.

“I didn’t do that!” He protests.

“Yes you did! Yes you did, you did this!” I laugh doing the pose again as he shakes his head disagreeing with me.

We stand in line waiting to get our meal. We shuffle forward slowly in the snow. I stand between Alex and Skip, who shiver furiously from the cold. Alex puffs on the smoke that hangs from his lips.

“Hey fellas, look who I found.” Bill announces, I look over my shoulder to see Toye and Bill standing together looking pleased. I smile at the man, and then my smile drops, what is he doing back? Joe makes eye contact with me, I give him a questioning look. All he does is send me a cheeky smile and wink. I smile at him, but shaking my head, silently telling him off.

“Hey, Joe Toye, back for more.” Skip cheers from beside me.

“Hey Muck, how are you?” Joe says in his gravelly voice.

“How are you Joe?” Alex says, patting the man on his shoulder. Joe nudges into the line in front us with his plate.

“Yeah, doing pretty good. Escaped from the aid station.” He replies to the men.

“How’s the arm?” I question, he smiles at me.

“All better, Em.” He waves his arm around to show me it’s fine, grinning as he does so. Gene had treated him but it was bad enough for him to be sent back to the aid station.

“Where’d you get hit?” A replacement, who was standing behind Alex, asked Toye. Joe glanced at the young man, giving him a judgey stare.

“What’s that?” Joe asked, motioning at the man, like he couldn’t hear him. I let out a scoff at his brashness.

“Ah, it's Webb, replacement.” Skip informs him.

“Really? Thought it was some guy I’ve known for two years and I forgot his face.” Skip chuckles at Toye’s comment.

“Joe got hit in the arm. New Year’s Eve gift from the Luftwaffe.” Alex tells Webb.

“Jesus. A lot of you guys been injured?” Webb asks us as we shuffle forward, closer to the food. My stomach growls.

“It’s called ‘wounded’, peanut.” Martin says from behind Webb. “Injured’s when you fall out of a tree or something.”

We move forward, I put out my bowl for the hot meal. Smiling at the soldiers serving up the meal, thanking them quietly. I’m so excited to eat this food!

“Don’t worry there is enough crap flying around here, you’re bound to get dinged sometime. Almost every single one of these guys has been hit at least once. Except for Alley, he’s a two-timer.” Skip says as Webb hangs off his every word. I follow behind, not even waiting to find a seat, I eat the food from my plate. “He landed on broken glass in Normandy and got peppered by a potato masher in Holland.” Skip points to Alley who sticks his bread into the food on Skip’s plate, gathering the juicy content and eating it. “Now, Bull, he got a piece of exploding tank in Holland.” We pass Bull who sits on the ground eating looking unimpressed by the replacement. I grin at him, a small smile forms on his lips. I follow behind, waiting for Skip to sit down so we can eat properly, but he’s caught up in his chatter. “And George Luz here has never been hit. You’re one lucky bastard.” He pokes the eating George in the chest.

“Takes one to know one, Skip.” Mumbles George, mouth stuffed full of food.

“Ah, consider us blessed.” I roll my eyes at the chatter-box, scoffing, the noise catches his attention. “Even our medic here, Emily, got hit. Took a bullet to the hip, ain’t that right?” Skip points at me, as I still trail behind the pair.

“Yeah. How come I got a bullet and you still haven’t been hit yet?” I asked the man with a cheeky grin on my face.

“I’m blessed, don’t ya know it. Now, Liebgott the skinny little guy, he got pinged in the neck in Holland. And right next to him, that other skinny little guy, that’s Popeye. He got shot in his scrawny little butt in Normandy.” Skip points out all the men to Webb. My face lights up as I see Don, walking over to join him. Alex was already standing beside him. God I should’ve followed Alex over not Skip, who took us on a whole tour before rejoining the group.

“And Buck got shot in his rather large butt in Holland.” Malarkey adds on to the list of wounded men. Buck turns around lifting the back of his jacket to expose his behind, pointing at his butt. I laugh at his silliness.

“Yeah, kind of an Easy Company tradition, getting shot in the ass.” Alex adds.

“Hey even 1st Sergeant Lipton over there, he got a couple of pieces of a tank shell burst at Carentan. One chunk in the face. Another chunk almost took out his nuts.” Skip says as we all giggle at the thought.

“How are those nuts, Sarge?” Bill asks Lipton who stands beside him eating in peace, shaking his head from the comment that came from Bill.

“Doing fine, Bill.” He smiles trying to hold back his laugh. “Nice of you to ask.”

I finish all of my food, satisfied with a full stomach. I stand and talk to the rest of the men, Webb hangs around Skip like a bad smell. I’m sure he was just ecstatic when Skip actually spoke to him, the rest of the men just avoided them all. I felt bad for the replacements but I understood where the soldiers came from with their disdain. They were always so eager to fight, to see action and then when it came time for action they made stupid decisions or decided they actually didn’t like it at all and tried to flee. Which wasn’t helpful when there was an assault and we needed all the firepower we could get. They men rightfully didn’t trust them. The Easy men from Taccoa stuck together like glue, however their numbers were slowly dwindling.

Much to our dismay, Easy was being moved back into the old position outside of Foy again. I walked with the normal trio as we made our way back again. Passing the men we were leaving behind to hold resistance on the main line, they were attached to D company for the time being until Easy took hold of Foy. Men made passing comments to the men as we walked by. Warning them of the scary Ronald Speirs. I could attest to his scariness, when he had shown up when the D company soldier was trying his best to kill me, I felt like I was also going to be discharged when I hadn’t done anything wrong. His cold stare shook me to my core.

“Hey, be careful if he offers you a cigarette.” I pushed Malarkey as he teased the men sitting in the hole.

“Hey, be careful Frank, Christenson and Webb.” I said pointing at them, “I want you back in one piece, you hear!” They smiled at me.

“Oh we sure will Em, don’t you worry about us.” Christenson assured me. I turned, walking backwards as I yelled at them.

“Oh and be sure to brush your teeth, Frank. Don’t forget! Gotta keep up the good oral hygiene. Webb, don't let him forget. Twice a day Frank.” I teased Perconte, he laughed, shaking his head at me. I was grabbed by my elbow as Alex led me away from the men. I walked backwards still facing them, as Alex ushered me along, waving at the soldiers until they were out of sight.

I turned facing the front again, so that I didn’t trip over, walking alongside Alex. Skip and Don walked just ahead of us.

“Hey Skip, did you tell Em, what you told me?” Alex called to the man walking in front of us. Skip looked over his shoulder confused at what Alex was talking about. Trying to remember what he had told him. I could tell exactly when he remembered as his face lit up, mischief in his eyes. He slowed down to walk beside me.

“What?” I asked nervously as Alex and Skip grinned at me.

“You know Webb?” Skip asked, I nodded, eyeing the men suspiciously. Before he could tell me anything more the pair burst out into a fit of giggles unable to contain themselves.

“What?!” I laughed along with their infectious hysterics, but I was still confused. “What’s so funny! What?” I pushed Skip as he tried to catch his breath. They straightened themselves again, taking deep breaths. Skip tried to tell me but made eye contact again with Alex, sending them into another bout of laughter.

“What are you doing to them?” Don turned around assessing the scene, Skip and Alex could barely walk, they both held onto my arms trying not to fall over from how hard they were laughing.

“I didn’t do anything, I’m waiting to be let in on the joke.” I tell them man, trying not to fall over myself from the pair of idiots holding on to me for dear life.

“Ok! Ok!” Skip sighs. Wiping tears from his eyes. Alex has to look away from us, not being able to make eye contact with his friend.

“So Webb, asked me if you had a boyfriend.” Skip tells me.

“What? What did you say?” I asked, looking shocked.

“We said that you were married to Don!” The pair crack up again. My eyes widened.

“What? Why did you tell him that?” I feel a blush rising to my cheeks.

“He looked so disappointed.” Alex added, while Skip was still losing it. “Then we convinced everyone else that you had secretly eloped.”

“WHAT?! Are you two serious? What is wrong with you?” I couldn’t help but laugh as well though, the thought of all the men being tricked into believing I was married to Don was pretty funny. I could imagine Alex and Skip, the devious pair that they were, going around telling the men. Trying their best to control their reactions when the men were persuaded. Then having it as their inside joke.

“Have you told Malarkey this?” I asked when their laughter finally subsided.

“No we haven’t.” Alex shook his head as we continued to walk, Don none the wiser strolling ahead of us.

“Should we not tell him, and wait for someone to bring it up?” Skip said, as Alex and I nodded our heads vigorously. The thought of having our inside joke with Don being clueless made us all giddy. I couldn’t stop laughing. We would be walking in silence and then one of us would start to laugh, knowing exactly what the other was thinking we would all join in.

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homestuck-archive · 2 months

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Posting all of Homestuck: Day 26: John: Examine incoming message.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today

EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny.

TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here

EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage?

TG: but

TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken

TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory

EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle?

EB: try using your brain numbnuts.

TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like

TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous

EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice.

TG: ok i can accept that

TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters

TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face

TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it

TG: did you get the beta yet

EB: no.

EB: did you?

TG: man i got two copies already

TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring

TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro????

EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it.

TG: yeah

TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now

EB: alright.

#homestuck #hs #413 #fyp #homestuck archive #homestuck john #homestuck dave #dave #john #daily homestuck pages

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allofhomestuck · 2 months

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John: Open message. (page 26/8030)

(From this point onward, Pesterlogs will be put in the read-more link, as shown below.)

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 -- TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TG: but TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EB: try using your brain numbnuts. TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TG: ok i can accept that TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TG: yeah TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright.

> John: Look out window.

#homestuck #act 1 #26 #pesterlog #ectoBiologist #turntechGodhead

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autumnbrambleagain · 4 months

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missed connections: i dreamt you were a catgirl

I had a dream there was a prankster group going around NYC infecting people with Bad Ideas. The case we were working on (more on that in a moment) was a trash balloon. A man had made a hot-air-balloon out of trash-bags and burning trash, and just sorta... with a shitty platform to stand on beneath it. He ripped open the bag to go back down, and smushed it back together to go up.

And he went up and down several feet, too scared to take it TOO high but enough to cause a scene. And like, this is NYC it's hard to cause a fucking scene but this was enough to cause a scene you know?

And he was doing this in the middle of an intersection and pressuring people into riding it with him. Like being really aggressive douchebro trying to get ladies to come ride this deathtrap with him.

So, in the dream, of COURSE, I am a foxgirl bioweapon created by the government and assigned to the FBI to stop this art collective that's infecting people with bad ideas. Just makes sense.

We find the art collective's headquarters and it's full of catgirls, but catgirls rendered in a different art style (as dreams enjoy). For some reason this pisses me off. Dream-foxgirl-me HATES that art-style people. That's apparently a thing in this dream, art-style discrimination. They render into reality wrong.

So we're in their abandoned theater headquarters and I'm just. I'm sick of playing their games like a point-and-click adventure trying to ingratiate ourselves into them and investigate them so I just.

Start fucking killing catgirls left and right.

Just tearing them open. Going werefox mode hell yeah giant meaty pawclaws hunched over kinda bestial but still like lanky foxlike chasing around and just slaughtering your local catgirl art collective.

My handlers get upset though because in this dreamsetting apparently if a powerful xgirl goes feral enough they "form a den" which is your basic genius locii event horizon where your powers extend beyond your body and you gain control over the local environment. Jujutsu Kaisen domain expansion in a way I guess, although our ideas about this kinda thing aren't from that.

They have to tranq me but it's too fucking late buddies! I've formed my den. I am now Lucid Dreaming but within the conceit of the story. And woops. The rival catgirl's den is also a rival lucid dream.

So now we have a lucid dream battle, where we fight through conceptual abstraction. This, of course, kills the dream, and I wake up.

So.

To whoever was the catgirl lucid dreaming about fighting a foxgirl?

See you tonight bitch I'm gonna get your ass.

#autumn says things

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arrogantbrattyprototype · 7 months

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~reasons this man can't be left alone~

He mixes alcohol with coffee and an energy drink then passes out

Bro eats ice cream for fkng breakfast nutrition who?

Yeah he can't tie his shoes either lol

Can be quite a fkng bully, menace and prankster the few times he does go outside

Stubborn as hell about showering

Has a history of biting people

Also has a history of randomly losing his marbles

At least sometimes has tantrums

Can't flipping cook

Gets angered easily

Literally growls or snarls like a feral animal when he's tired of talking to and interacting with someone and such

That being said: who wants to be a Wally-sitter? Lol

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just-another-miserable-prick · 2 years

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Aight, we're doing this. It's headcanon time.

This is engines 1-6. This is all Sodor High School AU canon btw.

Thomas Gail:

Freshman. Tiny gremlin child. Full of energy and straight up refuses to shut the fuck up. No, he physically can't shut the fuck up. Prankster #1. Much like James, he's very over the top, but instead of his looks, I mean his pranks. Like, this little bitch wrote a whOLE ASS FUCKING MUSICAL for an APRIL FOOL'S PRANK. FOR REAL. (I'll make a post about that whole mess, it's the best fucking thing) Protects Percy with his l i f e.

Edward Belwett:

Senior. Braincell #1 of 2 of the entire Steam Team. Extremely farsighted but simply does not realise that it's a problem. Poor guy just thinks everyone sees the world like he does. (I dare you to try and change my fucking mind, also @zellezel, I'm stealing this, thank you very much) The caring dad friend and the team's designated therapist. Guy's got Rapunzel hair (as in floor length) and only James is allowed to touch it. Why? Let's just say the story involves fire. If you manage to piss him off, good fucking luck. Trans king.

Henry Holt:

Junior. Braincell #2 of 2 of the Steam Team. Very kind, gentle and anxious introvert. Absolutely fucked mentally AND physically (thank his mother- or rather birthgiver for that one) While he is a pacifist, he's known for having lost his cool a grand total of 2 times. (One of these involved Edward) Legend has it he threw a chair once. No one knows the truth though, except for the witnesses. I'd advise everyone to just stay on his good side for their own sake.

Gordon Rask:

Junior. HOO BOI, man be f u c k e d beyond belief. 6th of 8 siblings, parents are divorced, dad's an alcoholic, lord knows where mom went ("no hard feelings tho, good for her" says our local mess of a highschool junior), most of his siblings already booked it, life really went: "Welp- What could go wrong? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" *dumps entire content of the Trauma Truck™ on this one guy*. So damn jealous of Scott and thinks or rather hopes that people don't notice. They notice, don't worry. ("I do the exact same thing he does and he gets all the recognition?! What about me?? What am I doing wrong?!") No wonder he's got such a bad temper.

James Bragg:

(This may or may not be me projecting my own issues onto this bitch) Sophomore. Almost homeless, as in his house, or rather what's left of it, could collapse literally any minute- (which it does at one point-) he tries to cover up his misery in public by acting like he's a vain, self-absorbed little sassy twink, and it seems to do the job. For now at least. When he's in private or alone with someone (aHeM, Gordon-) he's a m e s s in pretty much any way you can think of.

Percy Klein:

Freshman. Thomas' adopted brother and tries to be a voice of reason when Thomas is about to do something stupid (or illegal cuz Thomas w o u l d). Normally fails to stop his brother from committing his silly acts of mischief but hey, at least he's trying. Precious baby. If you somehow manage to anger him, he'll cuss you out in fluent German. Then it's over for you. He might as well be summoning a demon for all I know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (<- this coming from someone who studies german. I hate that fucking nightmare of a language.)

Ships? OH HELL YEAH!

To preface, these are just my preferences. If you ship something else, go ahead. As long as it's not like- Inc*st, p*dop*ilia, you know- disgusting shit. Or anything that involves Spencer. This is a Spencer hate blog. ANYWAY

Henry X Edward:

yes yeS YES Y E S- Yea this is my OTP, I fucking love these two, they are my life force and I want them to be my dads- in my mind it's the "slightly more social introvert X anxious mess of an introvert" dynamic and it's the cutest fucking thing. Edward confessed first, on Valentine's day! :D

Gordon X James:

Two fucked up guys looked at one another one day and thought "I could… try to fix him?". That's literally it and I love them. Like they're both absolutely fucked up to no end so they're really the only ones who understand the other's struggles and could help without making shit even worse. Love that they both have someone there for them :D.

Thomas and Percy are brothers in this AU ^^ I know I said it before but I'll say it again.

Thanks to @zellezel for inspiring me to finally write this thing :)

#ella's rambles #ttte humanized #ttte au #ella's canons #Ella's AUs #<- finally I cam use that damn tag.#ttte thomas #ttte edward #ttte henry #ttte gordon #ttte james #ttte percy #god this took so long to make holy fucking jesus christ #ttte headcanon

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iblameashley · 11 months

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Drinks with the 141

Civilian | Male | Gay PART 3

PART 1 PART 2

3,298 words Content: alcohol, anger, violence, mention of panic attack, implied PTSD, talk of male genitals

Note: Since I'm going full baby-girl / princess / sweet and kind König in my other stories, I wanted to give more meat to this story. The plan is to eventually have Simon open up and start dating Logan. But first, DRAMA!

Gaz had a special talent for picking the right time to contact Logan. If he didn't know better, Logan would have assumed his apartment was bugged. He was sitting in the living room mindlessly watching TV when his phone buzzed from his end table.

Logan looked at the screen as it lit up briefly and gleamed Gaz' name. He pondered answering it for a moment, and decided 'why the hell not' as he picked up the phone and reviewed the message.

To his surprise, it was an invitation to hang out. “Hmm.” He croaked, reviewing the request. Another text came in as he was still mulling it over. It was a list of attendee's.

Logan had heard of Roach. Not much, but apparently when he wasn't on-mission he could be quite the instigator and prankster on base. Price generally had to keep him and Soap as separated as possible for everyone's sake. Logan also took note of Simon's potential absence. Made sense, Simon hardly seemed the type to go out with the boys.

The pub they were hitting up was about half-way between the base and Logan's flat. It was also a well-known spot for drunken brawls. Perfect place for a bunch of military men to blow off steam.

“This cant possibly end badly.” Logan joked.

Logan spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to find something to wear, ultimately deciding that it was a pub, and he was meeting soldiers getting off duty. A simple pair of Jeans and a nice shirt would do. And of course his favourite hoodie.

Finding the group was rather easy. Once Logan had made his way inside, he heard Gaz laughing before he saw him. Following the sound of the boisterous laugh, his eyes locked on the group sitting around a table near the back. As expected, Simon was absent.

Logan weaved his way through the crowd and timidly approached the table. Truth be told, despite being very gay, Logan had always been uncomfortable around men. There was a slight knot forming in his stomach, but he had little opportunity to focus on it. Gaz saw him and greeted him more enthusiastically than expected.

“Mate! Y'made it!” He shouted.

And there was the knot again.

“Come sit down, sit down.” He ushered with his hands. Clearly he had already had a few drinks in him.

Logan took a seat at the table and gave a nod to the men starting him down. Gaz didn't let the silence linger long. “Logan!” He exclaimed, “This is Cap'n Price” He said pointing to the older, bearded man, “Roach” he continued. Roach gave an approving nod. “And this is Soap.” Soap flashed a devilish smile.

“You, I know.” Logan said, rather bluntly. “Well... know about. Mr. 'cleaning house,' yeah?” Logan on registered how sarcastic that sounded after the words had left his lips.

Soap, thinking nothing of it, nodded and grinned. “Ah, dinnae know I was famous.” He joked, His accent thick in the air. “En' wha stories has me pal Gaz here been tellan?”

Price spoke up before Logan could reply, “I assume certain details were omitted,” he said in a gruff voice. “You know, security, the national and all that.” He gave his hand a wave in the air.

Gaz, feigning offence simply replied, “Cap'n, you hurt me.”

Price simply gave Gaz the side eye.

“Well,” Logan interjected, “He told me about the time you 'modified' Captain Price's coffee with hot sauce. Or what about the time you attached a small explosive to Gaz's coffee mug and scared this shit out of everyone?” Logan paused a moment, and then added, “But who could forget the time you decided to glitter-bombed Simon.. err, Ghost.”

“Aye,” Soap chuckled, "He was absolutely fumin', I tell ye. Pissed doesn't even begin to describe it."

Roach sat to Soaps side, cracking up at the memory.

“An what ye laughin about, Roach?” Soap prodded. “Was your suggestion if I recall correctly.”

“Yeah, but you did it, like an idiot.” Roach shook his head and took a long drink of his beer.

Soap, returning his attention to Logan, continued his story. "We had just got back from a mission and he'd been a right arse all the way back, so I thought I'd have a wee bit o' fun, aye? Rigged a glitter-bomb inside his gear bag when he was bein' debriefed. Well, he gets back to his quarters, and BOOM!" Soap jumped up and made an explosive gesture with his hands before sitting back down. "It was like a bloody disco explosion. I've never seen a man so covered in glitter, I tell ye. He looked like a walking disco ball, shining and sparkling with every move he made." Soap had tears forming in the corner of his eyes as he recounted the incident.

“It took me four hours to talk Ghost down from killing you.” Price said, rubbing his eyes. “And even then I wasn't convinced he was going to back down.”

"Well, he did punch me so hard in me guts I threw up. The impact was like a thunderbolt to me stomach, I tell ye. And then, to add insult to injury, he made me clean his entire room with nothing but a rag. I'm pretty sure it was one of me own shirts, now that I'm thinking about it. Can ye believe it?"

“Well, I'm not happy you're sharing any base stories,” Price admitted, “but these are better than I could have hoped for.”

Roach eyed up the pitcher of beer placed at the centre of the table. It was near empty. “Should we order another?” He asked. “Logan, you drinkin?”

“Oh, yeah.” Logan said, “I'll go grab another pitcher and a pint for myself.”

“Nah, Mate its fine. I can grab it.” Roach said, starting to get up.

“Its fine.” Logan reassured. He got up, grabbed the pitcher and headed towards the bar.

As he walked away, he could feel the intense stared pointed his way. The men were sizing him up. Some more.

“He seems nice.” Price said earnestly.

“How the fuck does he tolerate Ghost?” Soap added.

“You mean, Simon?” Roach said with a cock of his head.

“Aye, caught that. Ghost would shake the daylights out of us if we called him that. 'Cept you, Cap.” Soap nodded.

“I think having someone outside the base, outside the military is good for him.” Price spun his glass by the base as he reflected on it. “Needs away from you idiots.”

“Harsh, Cap'n” Soap pouted.

Logan returned to the table with a new pitcher of beer, a pint of his own and juggling an empty glass. He was happy to see Simon had indeed decided to join them. He plunked himself down in an empty chair.

He set the pitcher in the centre and handed the empty glass to Simon. “Hey Ghost...” He caught himself. “Sorry. Ghost! I didn't think you were going to come.”

Ghost grabbed the glass and poured himself a drink. “I figured Id show up and see what this was all about. Not planning to stay long, though.” He said nonchalantly.

Ghost seemed harsher tonight, somehow. Logan took it a little personally, thinking Ghost must be mad at his presence. “Oh, uh, sure. I get it.”

“Yeah, we were just sharing some funny stories!” Soap blurted out. His brain finally caught up with his mouth and he remembered the last story was about the glitter-bomb. Not wanting to risk another punch to the gut, he deflected. “Yea know... the exploding cup incident?” He laughed nervously.

“Just getting to know each other.” Logan said.

“Is that what this is about?” Ghost hissed. “Ya think a few drinks will loosen my lips and make us mates?”

“Lieutenant!” Price snapped. “Relax, and stop being a dick.”

Ghost shrugged. He pulled his mask down long enough to take a drink and then returned it to his face.

“I was just happy to be invited out with you guys. I don't really have many friends. Seemed like a good opportunity to hang out, chat... not trying to force anything.” Logan said, trying to course correct the conversation.

“Ignore him.” Soap said, his tone harsher than normal. “Ole Si here can be a right cunt sometimes.” He paused. “Respectfully, of course, LT.” he added.

“I'm here for a drink and to relax. Not to make friends.” He said eyeing Logan. “He watches Ella for me. I appreciate that.”

Logan took a long drink from his pint. Nearly downing half of it. Liquid courage? Or liquid stupidity? He was about to find out.

“Yeah, getting cunty vibes, suddenly.” He fired back. “And bold of you to assume you're that important in my life.”

Roach, Soap and Gaz sat in utter amazement at the words and tone that spilled from Logan's mouth. Had he been military, Ghost would have beat him within an inch of his life.

Ghost was grinding his teeth under his mask, and everyone could see it. The tension was running high and Price, ever the commanding officer and dad of the group felt the need to diffuse the situation. “Tha'ts enough, lads! We're here to have a drink and enjoy ourselves, not ruing a perfectly good evening.” His words were stern. They were an order.

Logan, flustered but in agreement with Price apologized. “Sorry. I can get hot-headed sometimes. Didn't mean to start shit”

Price raised a hand and gave a nod. “Ghost can have that effect on people.”

“Fuckin' hell... I'll behave.” Was all Ghost was willing to agree to.

Price accepted the response reluctantly.

“So you work in insurance?”Roach chimed in, breaking the silence.

“Uh, yeah.” Logan nodded. “I audit claims that seem suspicious, or clients have made complaints about, or are contesting the settlements of.”

“You must have some funny stories, then, yeah?” He asked.

“Well, cant give out any private information, but I did once get a document from a client who was in a car accident saying they were fine and their medicals were still valid.” Logan smiled, enjoying the shift in conversation.

“You're kidding...” Price interjected.

“Sounds like Ghost after gettin' shot, ya ken? "No sir, I'm still good for duty! It's jus' a flesh wound!" Soap laughed.

Even Price cracked a smile .

“There was also this guy who was pissed that we updated his height after an amputation of his feet. Sent us a pic of himself against a wall with his prosthetic feet on and a measuring tape beside him. He was really concerned about those few inches.”

“Sounds like you, Soap.” Roach fired. “A few inches and all.”

“Oy, fuck you, Roach! I'm a grower not a show-er”

“That is in no way true.” Ghost said flatly.

“Ye lookin' at me cock, LT?” Soap said bemused.

“No much to look at.”

Logan glanced over at Ghost, surprised the man actually has a sense of humour under all that brooding.

Price, through a chuckle told them to calm down before Soap whipped his cock out. Again. “We had a hard enough time finding this place after we were banned.”

“Oh that is a story I need to hear.” Logan laughed.

“Another time, maybe.” Soap winked.

“So how exactly did you two meet, anyway?” Price asked, pointing between Gaz and Logan.

Logan shot Gaz a look, as if asking permission to tell the story. Gaz gave a tentative nod, so Logan began the tale.

“Well, I had just come back from the grocer, may hands full of bags, and Gaz was already waiting for the lift to arrive. I don't think we had shared more than three words in all the time we had seen each other.” Logan laughed.

“Nah, mate. Definitely more than three. I wished you a Merry Christmas, said Hello every time I saw you, asked if you needed help the time you were trying to get the sofa...”

“They get it!” Logan said, cutting Gaz off. “Anyway.” He turned his attention back to the table. “We get in the lift, it starts to head to the first floor and then...”

“Power cuts.” Gaz added. “Lift stops, lights go out.”

“So we hit the emergency button, call for help, and we're told help is on the way.” Logan took a swig of beer before continuing. “Little did we know it would take nearly four hours for that help to actually fee us.”

“You never told us about this, Gaz.” Price said, with almost a tinge of hurt.

“Just didn't seem important, Cap.” Gaz gave a shrug, and that was all Logan needed to redact parts of the story.

“Well, as I said, I had groceries. So after twenty minutes, I take a seat on the floor. Gaz took a seat not to long after that.” Logan nodded, remembering the series of events. “Lights came back on about thirty minutes into our wait. So... we started to have a chat.”

Logan omitted the mild panic attack Gaz had begun during the wait. Later learning that the jolting of the lift, and the scraping metal had triggered something. Logan had managed to ground Gaz and work him through the attack before it got out of control, though just barely.

“The first hour in, my ice cream was almost soup. So I took it out and offered some to Gaz”

“Wait... what did you use as spoons?” Roach squinted with curiosity.

“Ugh.” Gaz groaned. “All we had were celery stalks. And let me tell you bruv, it was awful.” He let out a delicate laugh.

“He ate it all.” Logan said flatly, taking another drink of his beer.

“Oy! I did not you liar! And you offered it to me!” Gaz defended.

Logan smiled and took the time to gaze over at Ghost. To his surprise he was actually listening intently. 'not here to make friends my ass,' he thought to himself. Ghost and Logan's eyes lock for a split second before looking away.

“Anyway,” Logan said, deciding to wrap the story up, “Power came on and the doors opened about three hours and fifty minutes later. I had to also toss all the milk out. But after that, Gaz and I just started talking more regularly.

The drinks ran dry again, and Logan offered to refill them again. Gaz offered to help, and grab another pitcher.

“Thanks for not telling the guys about my panic attack in the lift.” Gaz said with pained sincerity.

“It wasn't my part of the story to tell.” Logan gave Gaz a pat on the shoulder.

As they waited, Logan felt the need to talk about Ghost. “So what's up with Ghost? Ghost. Whatever. I know he wasn't exactly chatty when we met or brought Ella over. But he also wasn't such an ass.”

“Sorry about him,” Gaz said, leaning against the bar. “Might be the last mission. I cant really say much... but someone got hurt.”

“Ghost was in command?” Logan asked.

Gaz gave a nod. “Doesn't take 'failure' well. Got chewed out a bit too.”

“Price?”

Gaz shook his head. “Laswell. You haven't met her, but she can be intense.”

“Gaz, I know you started all this to set us up...” Logan let out a sigh. “But I cant see this working. He doesn't like people. How is he going to like me?”

“So you like him.” Gaz grinned.

“Gaz, fuck off.” Logan rolled his eyes. “Does he always take his issues out on others?”

“Yeah. Mostly recruits.” Gaz scratched at the back of his head. “But honestly, mate? He's being nice to you in comparison.”

“I'm thrilled.” Logan remarked sarcastically. “Whats going to happen when his regular dog-sitter is available again? I love seeing Ella, but I think he's gonna stop bringing her over.” Logan rubbed at his eyes. “Gaz, this was always going to be temporary.”

“OK, OK. I admit I started this to set you two up.” Gaz admitted. “But, I really think he needs a friend outside of the base. I think Ella could be the first building block to that relationship.” He took a moment to think. “But honestly, he does like you. He's just too prideful and stubborn to admit it. If he didn't like you, he wouldn't even speak to you.”

“I'll have to take you at your word.” Logan gave an unconvincing smile.

As the night wore down, Ghost excused himself and made his way to the door. Out of the corner of his eye, Logan noticed a mobile laying on the floor. “Anyone lose a phone?” He said as he picked it up.

“Looks like Ghosts.” Soap said. “Should have time to catch him.”

Logan, thinking this might be the perfect opportunity to smooth things over, offered to take it out to him.

“I'll walk with ya,” Price said. “Bout time I called it a night anyway, and if you miss him I can take it back to the base.”

Logan said his goodbyes to the team and walked out of the pub behind Price. Ghost hadn't made it far. He was engrossed in a burgeoning fight between two drunkards. Logan sprinted a over to him and without thinking, placed his hand on Ghosts shoulder.

“Gho-” Logan got out before Ghost spun around, grabbing him by the wrist and squeezing hard.

“Don't fucking touch...” He yelled, trailing off as he saw Logan and Price. Logan was already falling to a knee from the pain. “Me...”

Logan felt crippled by the grip, and his legs buckled. White-hot rage suddenly overcame him and he balled his hand into a tight fist. He was at just the perfect height to punch Ghost's balls back inside his body.

“Lieutenant!” Price ordered.

Ghost released his grip. “I didn't know it was you.” He said his voice filled with tension. “What do you want?”

“You forgot your phone, Lieutenant. Logan was bringing it to you.” His voice was laced with irritation. “Show some gratitude, and apologize.”

Logan, trying to take the high road, let the rage wash away and handed him the phone.

Ghost, still tense and unwilling to apologize, looks at Logan with a guarded expression. “Look, I didn't mean to... react that way. It was a reflex.” His voice was gravelly.

“Jesus Christ.” Price huffed, already exhausted with Ghost's attitude. Logan, holding his wrist in pain, looked at Ghost with a mix of frustration and disappointment. “That fucking hurt, Simon.”

“Ghost.”

“Simon.” Logan said. He wasn't willing to make any concessions. “I was just trying to return your phone.” Ghost was avoiding eye contact, and shifted uncomfortably. He was pushing the mix of feelings he had down. Mostly the anger. He didn't mean to hurt Logan, why didn't he understand that?

“Logan, you OK?” Price asked.

Logan gave a nod, still rubbing his wrist.

“Riley. Back to base now. We'll talk about this tomorrow.” Price commanded. “And Logan, I'll get Gaz to take you home. He has a first aid kit at home and can take a look at your wrist.”

“Sure.” Logan wasn't feeling in the mood to argue.

The night ended with an ice pack on his wrist in his flat. Logan couldn't help but think of what a fucking disaster the whole thing had been, and was convinced this would be the end of any outings with the one-four-one. Probably for the best.

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tranquilspot · 1 year

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John: Open Pesterchum.

I don't have much to say about this page, except that it's well animated, the chat window is minimalist and the app design is realistic and nice.

I used to have Pesterchum installed on my computer, but I got bored.

There was (is?) an option that allowed you to encounter a random user. It was pretty neat but other than that I didn't know anyone so I ended up deleting it. I think they disabled that option too.

John: Open message.

Our first pesterlog, how exciting!

I mean I know by heart its content but regardless it is pretty cool. (sorry, I can't put the text both in indented and chat I had to pick one)

————————————————————————————————————————————————————

I really like how the conversation keeps diverging and converging back together, it's funny ans realistic. Never saw that movie, I saw Beetle Juice though! Why is Dave so obsessed with the idea of having piss in his juice? I guess with the environment he lives in, he's gonna be wary of everything and anything. I think his room is Bro free. "why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like", the same reason I know what cat food tastes like: kid self-experiment. Though it could have been a mean prank or an accident, the piss one I mean. The cat food was on purpose. Tried recess grass too. Pretty meh. "try using your brain numbnuts" *chuckles* kids when they try to insult someone.

"his reaction was nigh instantaneous" acting is hard dude, especially when you're a kid. I can testify, I participated in my bro's short films. No I won't share them, those worms will stay in their can. "fred savage has a really punchable face" I have not enough info to give any opinion on the matter. I usually suck at identifying/knowing actors in my own country, but american ones? Forget about it man. By the way pretty pompous to call yourself "americans" like you owned the whole continent. Do I look like I call myself "european" on a daily basis? Starting now I'll call you "statians" or something like that. No hard feelings~

"but who cares about this lets stop talking about it" Homestuck if its characters stopped rambling.

*roll credits* (You guessed it, I don't recognize any of those names either xD)

"man i got two copies already" Dave is smart so I don't think he's talking about the server and client discs here, but rather his copy and his bro's. "but i dont care im not going to play it or anything" hmmm not sure if he genuinely doesn't care or if he's trying reeeal hard to play it cool and keep down he's looking for a chance to stick his nose in the Sburb session. Kinda hard to know for sure, 50/50.

"game bro is a joke and we both know it." I third that. "why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now" The boy, is on a quest. And ooooh man a long one since he won't acquire the other half of his mail before a long time. So this is my first post with a Pesterlog formating. Lemme know in the notes or via message what you think about it: Do you want me to keep this format, the whole pesterlog + quotes? Or only quotes + the page so you can follow on your own device the conversation in parallel. —>

#homestuck #act 1 #homestuck reread #reread blog #john egbert #dave strider #eb #tg #b movie #howie mandel #fred savage #self experiment #pesterlog #pesterlog formating

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hom3stuck-d41ly · 2 months

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John: Open message.

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --

TG: hey so what sort of insane loot did you rake in today EB: i got a little monsters poster, it's so awesome. i'm going to watch it again today, the applejuice scene was so funny. TG: oh hell that is such a coincidence i just found an unopened container of apple juice in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here EB: ok thats fine, but i just have one question and then a word of caution. have you ever seen a movie called little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage? TG: but TG: the seal on the bottle is unbroken TG: are you suggesting someone put piss in my apple juice at the factory EB: all im saying is don't you think monster howie mandel has the power to do something as simple as reseal a bottle? EB: try using your brain numbnuts. TG: why did the fat kid or whoever drank it know what piss tasted like TG: i mean his reaction was nigh instantaneous EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie mandel peed in his juice. TG: ok i can accept that TG: monster B-list celebrity douchebags are cunning and persistent pranksters TG: also fred savage has a really punchable face TG: but who cares about this lets stop talking about it TG: did you get the beta yet EB: no. EB: did you? TG: man i got two copies already TG: but i dont care im not going to play it or anything the game sounds boring TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???? EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it. TG: yeah TG: why dont you go check your mail maybe its there now EB: alright.

> John: Look out window.

#homestuck #homestuck daily

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annotatedpagesofhomestuck · 3 months

Text

John: Open message.

> John: Look out window.

<= last page

<= beginning of adventure

(John and TurntechGodhead chat. TurntechGodhead talks about how he found a bottle of apple juice, leading to a talk about "Little Monsters", Fred Savage's punchable face, and if John had gotten the beta yet. TurntechGodhead has two copies of the game)

#homestuck #page 26

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pesterloglog · 6 months

Text

Dirk Strider, Jane Crocker

Act 6, page 4256-4259

timaeusTestified [TT] began bothering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at 12:01

TT: Why have you activated dear, sweet Huggy Bear.

TT: Are you in danger?

GG: Oh, no.

GG: I'm just trying to leave my house!

GG: Is this the real you, btw?

TT: Yeah, it's me.

TT: I disabled the AR for now.

GG: Ok. Just making sure!

GG: Jake was having some issues with it earlier, and I don't think he received its obfuscating tendencies in the humorous spirit intended.

TT: Yes, I'm catching up with the situation now.

GG: Oh, so you're talking to Jake then?

TT: Nah. Just reading their chat logs.

TT: Man, what the fuck?

TT: I can't leave these two alone for a minute. Can a guy get his ablutions on in fucking peace?

GG: :B

GG: Was it that bad?

TT: Not really.

TT: The responder doesn't much distort my position on things usually.

TT: Its demeanor leaves something desired though. I'd prefer it didn't make such aggressive and repeated claims of fidelity to my persona.

TT: Be misrepresentin' hells of key subtleties, yo.

GG: Why not just turn it off then?

TT: Keeps them both on their toes.

GG: Who?

TT: Jake and the responder.

TT: Jake needs to be more skeptical. Rather than take a Pollyanna jackknife ass-first off whatever turnip truck is blowing through town that day, he's got to apply more critical reasoning to shit.

TT: I keep telling him.

TT: I keep telling him, dude, you got to be more like Jane.

GG: These lectures I presume are roughly similar in complexion to those I'm familiar with?

GG: Those wherein I have, and I quote, "got to be more like Jake?"

TT: Yes, exactly.

TT: You're finally fucking getting it.

GG: I sincerely doubt that I am!

TT: Said the stubborn skeptic, skeptically.

GG: Let's not talk about my "issues" again, shalln't we?

TT: Shalln't?

TT: That ain't a thing to say, even for you.

GG: Shush!

GG: The word shalln't escape my vocabulary any longer, just as you SHALLN'T nitpick my language! That's my turf you're on, buster.

TT: Alright. Kinda don't care.

GG: What were you saying?

TT: About what? Jake?

GG: About leaving the responder on!

TT: Yeah.

TT: Anyway, I kind of owe it to him to let the program run as often as possible.

GG: Jake?

TT: No.

TT: The responder.

TT: It is a fully cognitive, self-aware entity I am responsible for, not even to mention an approximate cerebral duplicate of myself.

TT: You don't just make a clone of yourself to live in a dead end existence where it has no chance to thrive as an individual or surpass its limitations.

TT: That'd be sick.

GG: True.

TT: Also.

TT: The more the software runs, the broader and more detailed its experiential canopy becomes. Makes for a better dialogic partner.

GG: Dialogic?

GG: Are you saying you have conversations with your own auto-responder?

TT: Of course.

TT: Why do you think I made the thing?

GG: Hrm, that's interesting.

GG: I guess I always thought it was just a really elaborate gag!

TT: It's that too.

GG: Sometimes your sense of humor seems more impenetrably advanced than your robotics. I'll never understand this tapestry of irony you weave.

GG: Maybe I'm just stuck in the dark ages of pranksterism with my funny mustaches corny old joke book.

TT: Yes, you are. But that's fine.

TT: We come from different traditions. Someone needs to keep that racist southern asshole's legacy alive.

TT: There's dignity in taking up the work of our familial predecessors, even if what they did was insanely fucking stupid.

GG: Is that a note of bitterness directed at your superstar brother I am detecting?

TT: No way. He's awesome.

TT: I've told you, I don't begrudge any of his success.

TT: I've also told you he isn't my real bro even though I call him that. We're related through an esoteric process of genetic reamalgamation.

GG: Oh lordy. Yes, yes, I know. I don't need another ironic lesson in science fiction!

TT: Alright. My lessons are rad as fuck, but suit yourself.

TT: The point is, obviously his satirical methods have flaws, and whatever tempered brand of hero worship I might be practicing isn't keeping me from seeing that.

GG: Flaws?? Talk about understatement. Those movies are unwatchable.

GG: Unless your name is Jake English.

TT: Yes, spectacularly so. But they will have profound historical significance. Mark my words.

TT: And flaws aside, it's a legacy I'm proud to inherit. My duty isn't to appropriate his methods with absolute loyalty, but to apply reason and improve upon them. To leave my own mark.

TT: To perfect the art of irony.

TT: It's just like what you're doing with the work of your ancestor. You are striving to perfect his hokey vaudeville bullshit, or something.

TT: You seek the Zen of a pie to the face. The Tao of falling the fuck down.

GG: Ermm...

GG: If you say so!

GG: I dunno. Call me a simpleton, but I just like funny jokes.

TT: Can't fool me. You take your shit as serious as I do.

TT: And if I wasn't serious about it, I wouldn't have made you that rabbit. Then where the hell would you be?

GG: Well, aside from thousands of dollars in corpse-repair richer, I can't say.

TT: Has he been sleeping in the old man hollow again? Shit, that's adorable.

GG: I can think of cuter places for him to sleep, frankly!

TT: Yeah, bullshit.

TT: He's just being instinctive. In the wild, he would gut a carcass and sleep inside for warmth, as well as to secure tactical advantage for ambushing would-be scavengers.

GG: Oh, please.

GG: Anyway, property damage and desecration to cherished elders aside, Mr. Bear has been a lovely addition to the family.

TT: You haven't renamed him yet?

GG: Oh... no.

GG: I keep forgetting I'm supposed to!

TT: You've got to fucking rename him. Or change him to a girl if you want. That was important.

TT: When pets change owners they get new names. Fact.

GG: Sorry.

GG: I will name him right now!

GG: How about Lil' Sebastian?

TT: Fuck if that isn't the best name a thing could get.

GG: Yeah!!!

GG: So then, are you saying Mr. Sebastian here was an ironic present?

GG: Relayed strictly for guffaws?? >:B

TT: Yes, but it's not that simple. There were many layers involved.

TT: Some of them are literal layers, of metal and plush.

GG: Huh?

TT: There's a real stuffed rabbit beneath its exoskeleton.

GG: What! Really? :O

TT: Yeah.

TT: It belonged to my bro.

GG: I thought you said you didn't have such an heirloom to complete the plushie trifecta?

TT: I didn't. He didn't give it to me, and never intended to bequeath it.

TT: I stole it.

GG: Ooh. Risky!

TT: Nah. I got a little help from RL and ganked it out of his museum.

TT: It's this whole "priceless" collection of stupid shit from movies, defended like Fort Knox. Ironically of course.

GG: So it's from a movie?

TT: Ever hear of Con Air?

GG: Nope.

GG: Wait...

GG: Wasn't that some bit of action schlock from the 90's?

TT: Yes.

GG: Some of the silly nonsense referenced in his work was well before my time. I don't have the wherewithal to investigate all this minutia.

TT: Yeah, it doesn't matter really. But it was from that. Dude weirdly obsessed over that shit movie for years, among others.

TT: Know those signature shades you see him wearing on magazine covers and stuff? Another prop. A gift from Stiller himself, I believe.

GG: That does sound a tad obsessive. Wasn't he furious about your burglary?

TT: Pretty sure he didn't even notice. In years since, I never saw a news story about a "daring heist" or anything. I feel like he would have made some hay outta that.

TT: And if he did know, he'd probably just want to give me a stoic fist bump or something.

GG: Why didn't you mention this when you gave the gift? More irony?

TT: Essentially. It's not that easy to explain.

TT: Broadcasting the gesture would have made it seem tawdry, and would somewhat defray its humor value.

GG: I see. So it was like a private joke, and if anyone besides you was in on it, the joke would be ruined!

TT: Like I said, there are layers.

TT: On one level, I gave you a filthy tattered piece of shit, albeit of tremendous cultural significance, manhandled by some old B movie actors, now candy coated to function as a highly practical defender droid for your personal protection.

TT: On another level, I needed to incorporate something passable as a real heirloom.

TT: For sentimental reasons.

GG: D'awwwww.

GG: Wait, real sentiment, or ironic sentiment?

GG: Or is there no difference?? Am I missing the point here?

TT: No, it was genuine.

TT: The upper echelons of irony should always include measures of sincerity. And if the satirical practice is executed faithfully it will achieve something bona fide in its own right regardless.

TT: Through an intense commitment bordering on religious devotion to the absolutely inane, absurd, or plain fucking stupid, a very different kind of sincerity begins to materialize. One of reverence to the ridiculous. You begin to "mean it," but what exactly it is you mean is never quite what appears on the surface, and is utterly inaccessible to obtuse and literal minds. That you "mean it" then becomes inseparable from the joke, and additional rich strata of humor may be stripped aggressively from this irreconcilable truth.

GG: This is fascinating, if a wee bit more dissertation than I bargained for this morning.

GG: I have so much to learn. And I am not even saying that "ironically!"

GG: Will you teach me your ways one day, sir? Perhaps an apprenticeship will open?

TT: Oh god, I'd love that.

TT: Consider the position yours for the taking any time. Feel free to approach and kneel before Cal. With my sword and his floppy mitten, you will receive my flashstep anointment shoulder to shoulder, and to shoulder again.

GG: Tempting, but that rain check will have to stay unendorsed for now.

GG: Lil' Seb is beginning to act out, and I must put his fidgetiness to constructive use!

TT: Cool.

TT: Jane, one more thing.

TT: I'm sure you must be aware by now that you'll be the leader of our group, as you will be the first to enter the session.

GG: Um, no?

GG: This is news to me. I never gathered that "team leader" was a thing for this game.

TT: Trust me. It's a thing.

GG: Are you sure? I have my doubts.

GG: I believe as a group we will have the temerity to succeed, without my having to order people around like an insufferable bossypants.

TT: That's why you're our leader, Jane.

GG: Hm?

TT: Optimism through stalwart skepticism is an affect not everyone is plucky enough to be graced with.

GG: That's stupid!

TT: Yeah yeah. I know.

TT: You're not our leader, you're our FRIEND, right?

GG: Precisely!

GG: There is a BIG difference!

TT: And statements like that are also why you're our leader.

TT: But only in name and in spirit. Less so, functionally.

TT: If it puts your mind at ease, I'll be the one pulling the strings here.

GG: Oh yes?

GG: Then this whole affair will be one of D. Strider's grand productions in puppetry?

TT: I will be the unseen hand whose nimble digits are behind every subtle twitch in our session's bulbous foam ass.

TT: At least those gyrations not happening by the volition of its own quivering absorbant proboscis.

TT: If you ever need help, Jane. If you're ever in any trouble at all, let me know. Just say the word.

TT: I'll whip the toggle stick of this ludicrous marionette, cavorting its humongous bottom to intercept your freefall through the abyss.

TT: Snowcone you up in the fluffy crook of its cleft. Don't be alarmed if you're in no hurry to unpry yourself.

TT: For the great jut of this impudent rump has more yield to your touch than you ever dreamt. Remember to catch your breath as it cherishes the imprint of your hand like a memento from a lover gone to war.

TT: There's a lot of give to that ass, you may say.

TT: Might like to settle in. Make myself comfortable. Start a family.

TT: Bounce a coin off that ass, you'll demand of visitors. It's not going anywhere.

TT: Bet that coin'll take a good nap there.

TT: It's a gamble you win every goddamn time.

TT: Yeah.

GG: These lessons we talked about...

GG: They've already begun, haven't they? :o

TT: Jane, soon you'll believe what I've told you.

TT: You'll believe it all.

TT: It's just a shame that believing will take something so coarse as seeing, for a girl as sharp as you.

TT: Critical thought can lead one to accept the unlikely, just as much as dismiss the impossible.

TT: I can help with this too. Would you like me to program a Jane Crocker responder for you?

TT: I only require a simple captcha of your brain.

GG: Holy moly!

GG: Um, thank you, but no.

GG: I'm not ready to get dialogic with my cyberself just yet. My friends keep me busy enough as it is.

GG: Speaking of which, I really need to go. I know you love to talk my ear off, and it's always a treat, but let's catch up later after the game starts, ok?

GG: And if I do need your help, I promise I'll take you up on your offer!

TT: I made several. Which one?

GG: The one where you, hopefully not literally, offered to catch me in the crevice of a great big squishy butt! Hoo hoo hoo!

GG: Gtg!!! <3

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased bothering timaeusTestified [TT]

#homestuck #dirk strider #jane crocker #homestuck act 6 #page 4256 #page 4257 #page 4258 #page 4259 #homestuck act 6 act 1

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