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#we joke
pensat-i-fet · 5 months
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Training photo or cover of a magazine?
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malarkgirlypop · 7 months
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MEDIC! Part 13 (Donald Malarkey x Fem!OC)
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HEY! So this chapter is not as sad, still a teeny tiny bit. But the rest is fun! I had a good giggle. I am really setting myself up to be super duper hurt when the inevitable happens, but I have grown so attached to Skip and Alex. I know they were just trouble makers! Silly little pranksters with terrible jokes and great banter! Goofy goobers. That's their group name the goofy goobers ahahah. Their foxhole would've been the most lively and loud!
This is based on the HBO show and the actors who portray the characters, no hate to anyone involved!
“He had a god damn Luger in his pants.” Buck explains to Babe and Bill what happened to Hoob. I sat quietly listening, when Buck first arrived talking about the incident I wanted to run away immediately, I didn’t want to have to think back to Hoob’s death. It hurt too much. But I couldn’t get away fast enough or come up with a good excuse to leave while Buck was talking. Buck was so serious. He was different from before, or so I had heard. I had only met Buck briefly before we did the Market Garden attack. He was injured in the assault, which I had treated. God that felt so long ago. That was only my second day after going through the shimmer, which is what I lovingly call the portal that took me here. I had no idea what I was doing. It’s weird to think back to a time where I wasn’t close with all the Easy men. Bull had been kind enough to take me under his wing and surprisingly everyone else was kind, but I wasn’t close to them. I consider them now my family, I love all of them so dearly. I often think about what my life would be like if I didn’t put my hand through the shimmer, had just ignored it and moved on. When I had my first few months here, I would constantly look for the portal. I would sneak away during the night when I could and scour the surroundings. But after a while I stopped looking, I stopped thinking about it altogether. 
“Jesus.” Babe muttered, as Bill stated, “Dear God.” 
“And don’t you two do something stupid like that, all right.” Buck warned the two men. He thinks he doesn’t have to warn me, but little does he know I also have the pistol that Winters gave me in my bag. But I keep it unloaded, too paranoid that it will fire even with the safety on.  
“Try not to, Buck.” Babe reassures him. 
“I mean it.” Buck reiterates trying to drill his point into the men’s heads. “And you, Wild Bill, I’ve invested too much goddamn time shaping you into something useful.” Bill gives his signature chuckle. “You do something crazy, get yourself knocked out of this thing…” Buck laughs but his manner is serious.       
“I know, I know, you’ll kill me.” Bill finishes Buck’s sentence knowing what the man is getting at. 
“Even if you’re dead, I’ll still kill you!” He jokingly threatens, as he bonks Bill on the head with a stick. I laugh watching the interaction, the sound of the stick hitting Bill's helmet just tickling my funny bone. 
“I’ll see you guys later, alright. I’m gonna check on the other guys.” Buck swiftly left. 
Babe and I watched the man leave. “Crazy Joe McCloskey.” Babe muttered to himself. I looked over at him, giving him a confused look, I swivelled my head to look at Bill who was wearing the same expression. 
“What?” Bill asked Babe who still stared at Buck who had kneeled down to talk to the men in the next hole over. 
“Who’s Crazy Joe McCloskey?” I asked Babe. He turns to me. “This guy used to hang out the front of Delancey’s and just… you know, stare at people.” 
“Yeah, I know who Crazy Joe McCloskey is. What the hell’s that got to do with anything, Babe?” Bill retorts trying to understand what Babe is going on about. I look between the men, listening to the conversation.  
“Hmm, Buck kind of reminds me of him now.” Babe says still watching Buck. 
“What?” Bill says in his harsh accent, leaning forward in disbelief. 
“You know, ever since he got shot in Holland.” Babe stated. 
“Wait, wait, wait.” Bill moved to come sit in between Babe and I. “Wait. What are you saying he’s nuts? Cause Crazy Joe McCloskey was fucking nuts, Babe. That’s why they called him Crazy Joe.” Bill tried to get what Babe was saying straight. 
“No, I'm not saying he's nuts. I’m just saying-” Babe pauses trying to articulate his point.
“What? What are you saying?” Bill pushes Babe for an answer. 
“Oh, forget it.” Babe dismisses his comment.
“What?” Bill coerces. 
“Forget it.” Babe pauses thinking again about his original statement, “Oh, come on, you’ve seen him Bill. He’s-he’s all wound up like a spring.” He finally comes out with it. 
“Hey, hey, hey he’s fine. It wasn’t getting shot that got him. It was being in that hospital. I’ve been there ok? It ain’t pretty.” Bill defends his friend. Babe nods understanding where Bill is coming from. “Besides, you saw, once he was up and moving around, he was his old self again. I’m telling you Buck Compton’s fine.” Bill and Babe nod at each other. 
Their conversation piqued my interest. Don was good friends with Buck; they often sat and talked to each other when they had time. I was friendly with Buck but I wasn’t as close as the rest of the men were to him. I wondered if that’s because I had only properly met him after he had come back from the hospital that Bill was talking about. He had already formed bonds with the men before I had arrived and then after being discharged he wasn’t the same. He still had the same friendships with the men due to having the rapport beforehand but with me he was polite. We didn’t click the way I did with everyone else. He didn’t sit and chat with me, or try to get to know me. I had tried before but he didn’t stay long. The conversation often felt forced and awkward. He seemed to be in his own mind most of the time. 
We crowd around Peacock as the men wish him well on his travels home. I don’t know who’s more stoked, the men or Peacock. He’s a sweet guy and tries his best but he’s not the best platoon leader, often getting lost, or leaving the men behind to fend for themselves. Peacock was being sent home to rally more men to join the cause. Due to the heavy amounts of casualties from the war, we needed men to replace the ones who couldn’t make it back to us. I stand on the outside watching as the men huddle together and chant, “Hip, hip, hooray!”
More days pass, it’s quiet. Eerily quiet which puts me on edge. Skip and Alex tell me to relax, enjoy the holiday while we can. I laugh, shaking my head, “Yeah what a holiday, I’m freezing my ass off stuck in a hole with you two nitwits.” Skip mocks hurt feelings as Alex tried to pin me under his arm to give me a noogie. I laugh playfully fighting with Alex, these two are like the brothers I never had. They constantly tease me, wind me up, tell me terrible jokes. I give it back to them, roasting them with witty insults. 
One of the men films us on an old camera, well I say old, this is new technology for this time. I laugh thinking about if I just pulled my phone from my bag and showed them the camera, they would be shocked. Probably a bit too shocked, do they still burn witches in this time? We smile and pull silly faces as the man shoots us, laughing at Alex for doing a stupid face. 
“Skip, did you see what he did?” I manage through laughter, Skip laughs shaking his head. “He did this.” I mimic the strange pose Alex did, crossing my arms over my chest and puffing it out, pulling the face he did, he kinda looked like Robert De Niro, the scrunched up face and pulled down lips with squinting eyes. Alex scoffs pushing me over in the hole, as Skip and I die laughing. 
“I didn’t do that!” He protests.
“Yes you did! Yes you did, you did this!” I laugh doing the pose again as he shakes his head disagreeing with me. 
We stand in line waiting to get our meal. We shuffle forward slowly in the snow. I stand between Alex and Skip, who shiver furiously from the cold. Alex puffs on the smoke that hangs from his lips. 
“Hey fellas, look who I found.” Bill announces, I look over my shoulder to see Toye and Bill standing together looking pleased. I smile at the man, and then my smile drops, what is he doing back? Joe makes eye contact with me, I give him a questioning look. All he does is send me a cheeky smile and wink. I smile at him, but shaking my head, silently telling him off. 
“Hey, Joe Toye, back for more.” Skip cheers from beside me.
“Hey Muck, how are you?” Joe says in his gravelly voice. 
“How are you Joe?” Alex says, patting the man on his shoulder. Joe nudges into the line in front us with his plate.    
“Yeah, doing pretty good. Escaped from the aid station.” He replies to the men. 
“How’s the arm?” I question, he smiles at me. 
“All better, Em.” He waves his arm around to show me it’s fine, grinning as he does so. Gene had treated him but it was bad enough for him to be sent back to the aid station.
“Where’d you get hit?” A replacement, who was standing behind Alex, asked Toye. Joe glanced at the young man, giving him a judgey stare. 
“What’s that?” Joe asked, motioning at the man, like he couldn’t hear him. I let out a scoff at his brashness. 
“Ah, it's Webb, replacement.” Skip informs him. 
“Really? Thought it was some guy I’ve known for two years and I forgot his face.” Skip chuckles at Toye’s comment. 
“Joe got hit in the arm. New Year’s Eve gift from the Luftwaffe.” Alex tells Webb. 
“Jesus. A lot of you guys been injured?” Webb asks us as we shuffle forward, closer to the food. My stomach growls. 
“It’s called ‘wounded’, peanut.” Martin says from behind Webb. “Injured’s when you fall out of a tree or something.”
We move forward, I put out my bowl for the hot meal. Smiling at the soldiers serving up the meal, thanking them quietly. I’m so excited to eat this food! 
“Don’t worry there is enough crap flying around here, you’re bound to get dinged sometime. Almost every single one of these guys has been hit at least once. Except for Alley, he’s a two-timer.” Skip says as Webb hangs off his every word. I follow behind, not even waiting to find a seat, I eat the food from my plate. “He landed on broken glass in Normandy and got peppered by a potato masher in Holland.” Skip points to Alley who sticks his bread into the food on Skip’s plate, gathering the juicy content and eating it. “Now, Bull, he got a piece of exploding tank in Holland.” We pass Bull who sits on the ground eating looking unimpressed by the replacement. I grin at him, a small smile forms on his lips. I follow behind, waiting for Skip to sit down so we can eat properly, but he’s caught up in his chatter. “And George Luz here has never been hit. You’re one lucky bastard.” He pokes the eating George in the chest. 
“Takes one to know one, Skip.” Mumbles George, mouth stuffed full of food. 
“Ah, consider us blessed.” I roll my eyes at the chatter-box, scoffing, the noise catches his attention. “Even our medic here, Emily, got hit. Took a bullet to the hip, ain’t that right?” Skip points at me, as I still trail behind the pair.
“Yeah. How come I got a bullet and you still haven’t been hit yet?” I asked the man with a cheeky grin on my face. 
“I’m blessed, don’t ya know it. Now, Liebgott the skinny little guy, he got pinged in the neck in Holland. And right next to him, that other skinny little guy, that’s Popeye. He got shot in his scrawny little butt in Normandy.” Skip points out all the men to Webb. My face lights up as I see Don, walking over to join him. Alex was already standing beside him. God I should’ve followed Alex over not Skip, who took us on a whole tour before rejoining the group.  
“And Buck got shot in his rather large butt in Holland.” Malarkey adds on to the list of wounded men. Buck turns around lifting the back of his jacket to expose his behind, pointing at his butt. I laugh at his silliness. 
“Yeah, kind of an Easy Company tradition, getting shot in the ass.” Alex adds. 
“Hey even 1st Sergeant Lipton over there, he got a couple of pieces of a tank shell burst at Carentan. One chunk in the face. Another chunk almost took out his nuts.” Skip says as we all giggle at the thought. 
“How are those nuts, Sarge?” Bill asks Lipton who stands beside him eating in peace, shaking his head from the comment that came from Bill. 
“Doing fine, Bill.” He smiles trying to hold back his laugh. “Nice of you to ask.” 
I finish all of my food, satisfied with a full stomach. I stand and talk to the rest of the men, Webb hangs around Skip like a bad smell. I’m sure he was just ecstatic when Skip actually spoke to him, the rest of the men just avoided them all. I felt bad for the replacements but I understood where the soldiers came from with their disdain. They were always so eager to fight, to see action and then when it came time for action they made stupid decisions or decided they actually didn’t like it at all and tried to flee. Which wasn’t helpful when there was an assault and we needed all the firepower we could get. They men rightfully didn’t trust them. The Easy men from Taccoa stuck together like glue, however their numbers were slowly dwindling. 
Much to our dismay, Easy was being moved back into the old position outside of Foy again. I walked with the normal trio as we made our way back again. Passing the men we were leaving behind to hold resistance on the main line, they were attached to D company for the time being until Easy took hold of Foy. Men made passing comments to the men as we walked by. Warning them of the scary Ronald Speirs. I could attest to his scariness, when he had shown up when the D company soldier was trying his best to kill me, I felt like I was also going to be discharged when I hadn’t done anything wrong. His cold stare shook me to my core.  
“Hey, be careful if he offers you a cigarette.” I pushed Malarkey as he teased the men sitting in the hole.
“Hey, be careful Frank, Christenson and Webb.” I said pointing at them, “I want you back in one piece, you hear!” They smiled at me. 
“Oh we sure will Em, don’t you worry about us.” Christenson assured me. I turned, walking backwards as I yelled at them. 
“Oh and be sure to brush your teeth, Frank. Don’t forget! Gotta keep up the good oral hygiene. Webb, don't let him forget. Twice a day Frank.” I teased Perconte, he laughed, shaking his head at me. I was grabbed by my elbow as Alex led me away from the men. I walked backwards still facing them, as Alex ushered me along, waving at the soldiers until they were out of sight.
I turned facing the front again, so that I didn’t trip over, walking alongside Alex. Skip and Don walked just ahead of us. 
“Hey Skip, did you tell Em, what you told me?” Alex called to the man walking in front of us. Skip looked over his shoulder confused at what Alex was talking about. Trying to remember what he had told him. I could tell exactly when he remembered as his face lit up, mischief in his eyes. He slowed down to walk beside me. 
“What?” I asked nervously as Alex and Skip grinned at me.
“You know Webb?” Skip asked, I nodded, eyeing the men suspiciously. Before he could tell me anything more the pair burst out into a fit of giggles unable to contain themselves. 
“What?!” I laughed along with their infectious hysterics, but I was still confused. “What’s so funny! What?” I pushed Skip as he tried to catch his breath. They straightened themselves again, taking deep breaths. Skip tried to tell me but made eye contact again with Alex, sending them into another bout of laughter.  
“What are you doing to them?” Don turned around assessing the scene, Skip and Alex could barely walk, they both held onto my arms trying not to fall over from how hard they were laughing. 
“I didn’t do anything, I’m waiting to be let in on the joke.” I tell them man, trying not to fall over myself from the pair of idiots holding on to me for dear life.
“Ok! Ok!” Skip sighs. Wiping tears from his eyes. Alex has to look away from us, not being able to make eye contact with his friend. 
“So Webb, asked me if you had a boyfriend.” Skip tells me. 
“What? What did you say?” I asked, looking shocked. 
“We said that you were married to Don!” The pair crack up again. My eyes widened.
“What? Why did you tell him that?” I feel a blush rising to my cheeks. 
“He looked so disappointed.” Alex added, while Skip was still losing it. “Then we convinced everyone else that you had secretly eloped.” 
“WHAT?! Are you two serious? What is wrong with you?” I couldn’t help but laugh as well though, the thought of all the men being tricked into believing I was married to Don was pretty funny. I could imagine Alex and Skip, the devious pair that they were, going around telling the men. Trying their best to control their reactions when the men were persuaded. Then having it as their inside joke. 
“Have you told Malarkey this?” I asked when their laughter finally subsided. 
“No we haven’t.” Alex shook his head as we continued to walk, Don none the wiser strolling ahead of us. 
“Should we not tell him, and wait for someone to bring it up?” Skip said, as Alex and I nodded our heads vigorously. The thought of having our inside joke with Don being clueless made us all giddy. I couldn’t stop laughing. We would be walking in silence and then one of us would start to laugh, knowing exactly what the other was thinking we would all join in.
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inplateaus · 6 months
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my parents like to play physical touch chicken where they see how close they can get to me without me flinching away
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miniaturecatmentality · 3 months
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guys I just found the greatest video on the internet
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lazylittledragon · 4 months
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can't believe we're all adults being forced into the club penguin level of censorship in 2024
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badolmen · 5 months
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WARNING 18+
19
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batcavescolony · 10 months
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THE TIKTOK PEOPLE ARE SAYING THEY MADE GONCHAROV!!!!!
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tittyinfinity · 2 months
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I was hanging out at the karaoke bar, chatting with a beautiful woman, and we were really hitting it off. I threw a couple of flirtatious comments her way. She giggled nervously, but abruptly stopped and looked at the floor.
She told me that she was too nervous to hit on people because she's trans and worries that people will view her as a predator and that she might get hurt.
My heart sank. I let her know that she could hit on me in whatever way she wanted and I would LOVE it. We spent the rest of the night hanging out and flirting. We ended up making out. It was great.
But I can't stop thinking about how that wasn't the first time a trans woman has said that to me. About how unsafe it is for some women that they feel the need to give out fucking disclaimers to have normal interactions with people.
We have GOT to make the world a safer place for trans women. It pisses me off that there are men at the bar who are openly predatory towards me without fear of consequence, yet a trans woman is too scared to even fucking call me pretty. And that's because she IS more likely to face worse consequences for lesser things! Like what the fuck!
You need to always check on your internalized biases. Being queer yourself doesn't absolve you of transmisogynistic thoughts and behaviors. Being bi/pansexual doesn't mean you don't hold those biases either! If you feel differently about a trans woman hitting on you than you feel about a cis woman or a man hitting on you, you need to evaluate that.
Trans women, I love you so fucking much. You should be able to express attraction and love as freely as everyone else. I hope you can always feel safe around me. And I'll never stop fighting until you can feel safe period.
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joycrispy · 10 months
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Zepotha will never be Goncharov because when it comes down to it, tumblr culture is collaborative, while tiktok culture is merely iterative, and those are not the same thing.
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inkskinned · 1 year
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probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.
we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."
at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.
the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.
the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.
what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.
here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.
#this is true#writeblr#warm up#relatedly for some reason one of our Favorite Jokes#amongst the Siblings#is like - ''this is so good u will love it''#while we are reacting to something we OBVIOUSLY find viscerally disgusting#like we will be actively retching and be like ''nooooo it's so good''#to the point that i sometimes get nervous if someone outside my family is like oh u should try it its good#(obvi we never force each other to eat anything. we are all just curious birds and#like. we're GONNA try the new thing.)#edit to answer why we had so much vanilla:#my mom is a very good cook and we LOVE to bake. so she just had a lot of staples in the house.#it's one of those things that's like. have u ever continuously thought ''ah i should get butter im probably out''#even tho u are not out of butter. so u end up with like 5 years of butter.#my mom would do that in a costco but like with vanilla extract#to be fair we WERE always using WAY TOO MUCH bc we were kids#so like she was right to stock up#ps. yes we were VERY sick after this lol i just didn't want to include it in the post in case ppl had an ick about that#u can tell it's real bc we knew "oh no we fucked up that's too much vanilla to waste'' but our reaction was to just. keep drinking it#> sibling understanding that vanilla extract isn't free > knowledge mother doesnt mind if we use it for milkshakes#> sibling choice to maybe get in a loophole of ''not wasting it'' if we drink it bc that's the same as using it (not throwing it out)#listen bud i was like 13 and my sister was like 9#when my mom discovered this we. got in. A LOT. of trouble. a lot of it. a LOT of it.#3rd edit bc i guess it isn't clear - i am 1 of my brother's 2 little sisters#i am the middle child#out of all the ways i have had to explain a post before being like ''did u forget a middle child can happen'' is my favorite
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hunybody · 5 months
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you all misunderstood percy’s reaction to nico saying he used to have a crush on percy soooo bad. “percy was offended he wasn’t nico’s type” this “percy is so oblivious” that HOW have we all forgotten that nico literally wanted that man DEAD in the first series. and allowed percy to walk around with kidnapppng amnesia for most of the second. WHY would percy think he was nico’s type AT ALL why ON EARTH would he NOT be oblivious to nico having a crush on him???? he is certain that nico wants him homeless on the street at LEAST
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caluski · 11 months
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So sick of this overly negative meme that shows up every single fucking month so made my own version.
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snekboisworld · 9 months
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I find it extremely funny that the entire Good Omens fandom is absolutely in love with Bildad the Shuhite for seemingly no reason. Can one of you please tell me why we love him so?
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chuffed2bits · 2 months
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Three potential reasons why Etho didn't attend the charity event in person:
1. He was busy making his 10 minute gourmet sandwich.
2. He didn't want to be around Nerf guns due to WW2: "Sometimes feels like I'm still living it".
3. He was at Joel's house.
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vurelly · 13 days
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the thing nobody tells you about being too cute to boot is that everybody wants a piece of you, literally all my friends want me carnally
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erabu-san · 14 days
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I enjoyed every second of this quest
[This art has platonic intention. Thank you for not tag ship!]
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