#all my thoughts are consumed with these 2 silly boys

[changbinholic]

Just sayin

#yes i am obsessed #minbin is my religion #all my thoughts are consumed with these 2 silly boys #stray kids minbin #stray kids ship #stray kids changbin #stray kids leeknow #stray kids #stray kids memes #stray kids lee minho #skz minbin #kpop #kpop thoughts #kpop fanfiction #seo changbin #lee minho #lee know

[regulusrules]

FIC RECS: Tore apart my sanity edition

Missed doing those, especially that the brilliance of this fandom is quite endless. You'd think you've read everything, then a fic comes and makes you stare two ceilings above. I think we all have PhDs in ceiling reading at this point.

1. through storm and hellfire by @prattery.

Look, I know I scream a lot about fics, but this time it's so rightfully, I swear. There is something about this one that just unravels you so fully, so reverently. It was a spiritual experience; reading this fic. Anything written by this author is a spiritual experience. If you're new to my blog, you will soon know that I fall apart for such beautiful prose so easily. And the way Arthur was written here.. holy lord in the sky. I haven't survived this fic as of yet (weeks later). It was not Merlin who got kidnapped here; it's our literal hearts.

2. you hold a knife at my throat (i tell you exactly where to cut) by @nextstopparis.

All I can say is that I found this one on the night of my final MA exam and risked failing because I stayed up till dawn reading it. And guess what? I'd do it a hundred times over. Because this fic killed me 🤩 With a knife knowing exactly where to cut 🤩

Whenever it's Protective!Arthur that is as much consumed by Merlin's safety as Merlin was with his, then know I am absolutely and utterly gone. And everything that comes with Arthur teaching Merlin how to wield weapons and its close proximity trope. Oh boy. I was literally killed, I'm telling you.

3. Of Course Falling in Love is Awful. Why Else Would They Call It a Crush? by watchriverdale.

Respectfully, how does this marvel of a fic have less than a thousand reads?? If I may, it's one of the best AU - Canon Divergence that I've read in so long! Merlin being an actual physician, Arthur making silly excuses to go visit Merlin and it ending up for him falling head over heels, BAMF elements of both, just everything! Absolutely AMAZING. And the full circle at the end; what an icon.

4. The Walls of Camelot by spqr. (@andthepeople)

I'm literally not joking when I say my brain function grew and developed more after reading this fic. It was so fully-fledged in a way you don't find in literal published books. The amount of creativity and research combined in this fic.. WOW! You just literally live the war with them, all emotions entangled, all thoughts experienced. I think I had the hardest time processing that the fic ended more than anything else because of how invested I was in the story. I didn't want it to end. It was a wonderful, wonderful ride.

5. I suppose that I look different (without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf121. (@lancelotofthelake)

You know when fic writers begin to narrate Arthur through Merlin's eyes and describe him as golden? That is what I would say as the overall feel of this fic. I felt it radiating gold and beauty. It was unmatched, truly. From the AU idea to its execution.. I was hooked all 18K. I'd give it 18K kudos of my own alone. And the way it was written !!! Please. Any Arthur who just loves Merlin a tad too much is unparalleled. And when the same energy is returned by Merlin >>>

Oh and lastly: “Ask me who you were there to me, Merlin.” I'll leave you at that.

+ 1: My heart is readily yours by yours truly.

Have I mentioned how much this one tore my own sanity apart while writing it? (yes. yes I already have like a thousand times, tell me to shut up about it already). But it's for good reason. I am a changed human being after this fic. For better or for worse, I'm still not sure about that.

#LJ recs #merlin #fic recs #bbc merlin #merthur #merlin fic #arthur pendragon #ao3 #merthur fic recommendations #if you know the authors' @ on tumblr let me know so that I tag them! #regulusrules recs

[eddiemunsons80sbaby]

Never Say Never

Chapter 10

Pairing: SingleDad!StevexReader

Summary: You are a 32 year old single mother, raising your seven year old son on your own. After being widowed at 30 and going out on awful dates with disgusting men for the past month, you have decided that you're giving up. You already had your great love. One person can't possibly get lucky enough to have two in their lifetime. But then your son starts playing baseball and the coach might just change your mind about that.

No posting schedule.

18+ only for eventual smut

Word Count: 9.3K

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

“Wow,” Robin breathed, her eyes so wide Steve feared they would pop out of her head, her spoon of cereal paused in front of the perfect circle her mouth was currently making. “That good, huh?”

“Better than good. I don’t…shit, I don’t even know how to describe it,” Steve replied, arms dropping to the table. “I’ve…Robin, I have never felt anything like that before. It was incredible and so damn intense. I don’t…I don’t know if I can have any self-control now that I know what kissing her feels like and I have to have self-control with her. That kiss is all I’ve been able to think about. It’s all I want to do. I had to stop myself from driving to her work today just to see her and touch her again. I think I might be losing my mind.”

Everything about last night had been perfect. From the food to the conversation to the girl. He knew he liked you. He knew he liked you a lot. He’d known he wanted to kiss you from the moment he’d laid eyes on you but nothing could have prepared him for what it was actually like. The moment his lips touched yours it was like sticking his finger in an electrical socket. You consumed him. It felt like you were everywhere at once, completely overwhelming every one of his senses until you were all that existed. 

Steve was not new to kissing. In fact his track record was probably far higher than most but he’d never had a kiss like that. That kiss made all other kisses seem pointless. Why would he ever waste his lips on anything that wasn’t as amazing as that? And now all he could think about was your lips and your skin and how much more he wanted to explore. He was completely done for and that was scary as hell.

Robin giggled, her spoon clinking as she dropped it into the bowl, “Oh, my sweet summer child, you have got it so bad.”

“I know! What do I do?” he pleaded desperately.

The blond shrugged, her foot coming up to rest on the seat of the chair, arm wrapping around her leg, “Why would you want to do anything? Go with it. Savor it. Enjoy the hell out of it. Kiss that woman silly.”

“Robs, this isn’t funny.”

“I’m not saying it’s funny. Steve, it’s amazing. I’ve never seen you so over the moon. I mean, yeah, you fall hard and fast but it’s all just a show. I’ve never seen you this lovestruck, my friend. You give new meaning to the term stars in his eyes.”

“But I told her it was no pressure. I said it wouldn’t be a big deal if it didn’t work out and now it feels like a very big deal! How am I supposed to go back to the way things were now that I know how goddamn good she feels?”

Blue eyes widened as she leaned forward, “Whoa. How good she feels? I thought all you did was kiss.”

“That is all we did!” he huffed. “But I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been thinking about how so many other things would feel with her. But that’s a huge step, right? I mean, if I sleep with her then there is definitely no going back. It would be too awkward. And then what about the boys? I will shatter Jere’s heart when I tell him Eli’s mom and I can’t be around each other anymore. And what about…”

“Whoa! Hold your horses there cowboy. You’re getting just a bit ahead of yourself, don’t you think? Why are you already planning on all of this going south? Obviously, you two had an amazing time together and a kiss that could launch a thousand ships or some shit. Why would you think this isn’t going to be something?”

“Because it’s me!”

“And?”

“And I can’t ever make anything work. I am King Steve alright, the king of failed relationships.”

“Or…and hear me out, you’ve only had failed relationships because you’ve picked the wrong girls. She doesn’t sound like the wrong girl. I mean, honestly, did you ever have a kiss with Nance that made you feel like that?”

“No, but you know me. I’m going to push too hard, too fast, and she’s going to get freaked out and run. Look at me. Already I want to race over and see her even though I am seeing her tomorrow. Hell, I wanted to turn around and drive back to kiss her senseless all over again the moment I pulled away. I’m going to do it, Robin. I’m going to be too much. I can already feel it.”

“Okay,” shrugged Robin. Inhaling, she dropped her leg to the floor, arms crossing on top of the table. “Say you do what you do and you’re really needy and smothering and make it so she feels like she can’t breathe. Steve, we’re talking about a girl who lost her husband, a girl who has been alone for two years, a girl who hasn’t had anyone to care for her. Do you think she’ll find it smothering or do you think she’ll find it refreshing? Maybe she doesn’t even like breathing. Maybe what she wants is a Steve sized pillow right over her mouth and…” She cringed, lips puckering. “Okay, eww. I am realizing how that sounds but you know what I mean. Hell, maybe she does want that too.”

“But what if…”

“What if? What if? What if the Earth implodes tomorrow or aliens finally make themselves known and attack us all? Steve, you could go through the what ifs all damn day if you want but we both know all you’re really doing is grasping at shit because you’re scared.”

“Scared?” he scoffed, mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. “I’m not scared. I just don’t want to make an ass of myself.”

“No. You’re scared. Terrified with a capital ‘T’ because King Steve has had a ton of relationships, more than is actually acceptable for the common person if we’re being honest. But what you’ve never had is anything real and that scares the shit out of you. Because if it’s real then that means there’s very real potential for losing it. But you have to stop focusing on what could happen and start focusing on what is happening right now. Because from what I’m hearing, she is just as deep into this as you are. It doesn’t sound like she was trying to stop the kiss which tells me she wants it. So just go with it. Go with the moment, with what you feel because yeah, it could all go to shit in a month. But it could also be your happy ending, Steve and you have to stop thinking you don’t deserve it or that it’s not possible for you because you, my friend, are worthy of all that shit they write about in romance novels.”

He was scared. He was scared shitless because there were a million and one ways he could manage to royally fuck this whole thing up. He was the king of fuck-ups when it came to relationships. And you were the first one that felt like it was something, something more than just a companion, something more than just someone he wanted around so he didn’t have to be alone. 

“Hey Steve!” came Dustin’s voice, the front door banging against the wall, making Steve swear because how many times had he told that kid not to do that? He’d already patched that spot twice because of him. “You got anything for breakfast? I’m all out of Cinnamon Toa…” He paused in the doorway when he took in the sight of Steve and Robin at the table. “Sorry. This looks serious.” His face lit up, finger pointing at Robin’s bowl. “Sweet. Exactly what I needed.” Pulling the bowl over, he dropped down between the two of them.

“By all means,” Robin snapped. “I wasn’t eating that or anything.”

“Don’t you have your own house with your own food?” Steve sighed. 

“Well, yes I do,” replied Dustin, scooping milk and cereal into his mouth, “but I am all out of cereal.”

“You know, there’s this place that all your breakfast needs. It’s called the grocery store.”

“Yeah, but you’re only a block away. Why would I drive all the way to the store when I can just come over here where there’s always food?”

“Because it’s my food,” argued Steve, jabbing his pointer finger repeatedly into the table. “It’s my food that I buy for me and my son to eat and it’s my house and it’s my table and it’s my bowl and spoon.”

“Damn. Someone’s grouchy today.” Dustin rolled his eyes toward Robin. “What’s up his butt?”

“Hot widow.”

“Impressive. That’s quite a leap from barely being able to tell her you like her.”

“Come on, man.” Steve wadded up a napkin, throwing it at his face. “I told you not to talk about my sex life.”

“So there is a sex life to talk about?”

Robin sniggered, “Based on how last night went there will be shortly.”

“Ohh!” Full teeth on display, he wiggled his eyebrows at Steve. “Do tell. More than dinner was enjoyed last night? Maybe a little late night dessert? A little something sweet after the meal? A little…”

“No. Absolutely not. I am not talking about this with a child,” Steve snorted, arms flailing in the air as he rose from the table. Grabbing onto the bowl that had been Robin’s before Dustin had stolen it, he walked it over to the sink, rinsing the remains of cereal and milk into the garbage disposal.

“Dude, I was still eating that! And I am not a child,” protested Dustin. “I am twenty-six! I have not been a child for eight years.”

Robin ruffled his hair. “You’ll always be itty bitty Dusty-Bun to us.”

“Knock it off. Jesus, seriously, you two have got to realize I am a man now. I am not unknown to the ways of carnal enjoyments. You’re not going to tell me anything I don’t already know. Seriously, did you and her hook up?”

“No! We just kissed, okay?” 

Steve spun, leaning against the sink, fingers wrapping around the edge. He glanced over at the clock. Normally he would be leaving now to pick up Jeremiah from school to start his few days with him but Nancy would be getting him today. She was keeping him for the night because it was her dad’s birthday and they were all going out to dinner. 

He had a whole evening ahead of him with nothing to occupy his thoughts and that was dangerous. Because his thoughts could lead him right to your doorstep. He hadn’t been exaggerating. Twice he’d had to convince himself that it would be ridiculous for him to show up when you had plans to see each other Thursday. Twice he’d been ready to turn his car right instead of left simply because he wanted to see your face. But his fear of doing what he always did, getting clingy, stopped him. 

Steve had always been clingy in relationships. He had this neurotic need to feel important, to feel needed, to feel wanted. Robin told him his lack of parental love as a child left him constantly seeking it out in others. It was annoying how well she could read him but it didn’t make her wrong. And this time was so much worse. The intensity of his feelings was magnified by a hundred and if he wasn’t careful, he was going to be the pillow that smothered this relationship before it even began. 

“It didn’t sound like just any old kiss to me,” Robin mused, opening the refrigerator to pull out a can of Dr. Pepper, something he only kept in the house because she drank it and she was always there. “It sounded like the kind of kiss that leads to all of the other dirty, delicious things.” Lifting her eyebrows, she nodded toward Dustin. “They were pawing at each other like a couple of horny teenagers in that car.”

“Steve! How very…junior year Steve of you. Which, I mean, that Steve was a douche but in this case, I approve,” Dustin laughed, only annoying him further. “And she was into it? I mean, obviously. Aren’t you two seeing each other tomorrow?”

“They are. They’re baking together for the school carnival.”

“Baking? Seriously?” He cringed at Steve. “How is that even slightly sexy?”

“Are you kidding me? The kids will be at school. They will have the whole house to themselves.” Pushing off the fridge, Robin’s hands wove in front of her as if she were setting a scene for a play. “Picture it. They’re mixing up ingredients and oops, some just happens to get on her neck. What to do? The only obvious conclusion is for Steve to lick it off.”

“Oh! Yeah and once you get tongues involved…” A husky laugh rose up out of Dustin, causing Steve a lot of unease. He did not appreciate this side of Dustin, the kid he used to give advice to for how to talk to girls. Dustin and tongues did not mix and was not an image he wanted in his brain. “That’s hot.”

“It’s not hot,” he stated, turning back to the dishes in the sink. “It’s not. We are two parents who volunteered to help bake for the carnival and…”

“Yeah. One of them who can’t bake and only chose that option to spend more time with the girl of his dreams,” Robin reminded.

“Yeah. I did,” he admitted, squeezing far more dish soap onto the sponge than was necessary in his irritation. “But I didn’t do it to get lucky or whatever. I did it just so we can spend time together. We’ve been on one date. She’s a widow. I mean, Jesus. We’re just getting to know each other. Nothing like that is happening for a long time.”

“Sure. If you say so,” Dustin snorted and Steve had had more than enough. He grabbed the sprayer from the sink, pulling it as far as it would go, shooting water right at his face. The boy’s hands flew up as he yelled, wiping the droplets off his skin. “Damn! That was unnecessary, Steve!”

“It was very necessary. Stop talking about my sex life. One, it gives me the ick to hear you talking about sex at all. You shouldn’t know anything about it. As far as I am concerned, you’ve never done it and I don’t want to know otherwise. And two, it’s not happening.” At Robin and Dustin’s disbelieving look, he sighed. “It’s not. Nothing is happening tomorrow. Seriously.”

____________________________________________________________

You moved throughout the house, laundry basket tucked under your arm, as you did your nightly pick-up of Eli’s various toys and clothes that had managed to be strewn everywhere. A random sock that had been deposited while he was eating his after school snack, the Hot Wheels car that had raced on an epic journey down the steps and then been abandoned at the base of them, the stuffed giraffe forgotten on the couch as he’d fumbled half asleep upstairs for bedtime. 

Depositing the basket next to the stairs to be dealt with tomorrow morning, you made your way into the kitchen. You grabbed the bottle of Malbec that you'd picked up at the store earlier and poured yourself a generous glass before making your way toward the living room, pausing at the door frame, your eyes trailing the little pencil lines that documented your son’s growth through the years. 

Your finger traced the one that said, Eli, 5 years old, the last time that Justin had been the one to do it. You could see the moment so clearly, the light in your son’s eyes as his dad gasped, marveling at how much he’d grown since last year, asking him if he’d been sneaking spinach when they weren’t looking. Eli had giggled as Justin had hoisted him into the air, exclaiming that he was going to be bigger than him, something her son could not fathom as his father always seemed larger than life. 

“I miss you,” you whispered, closing your eyes, tears burning the backs of your eyelids. 

You hoped he could hear you, somehow, someway, through the span of time and space and death. You hoped he knew how much you missed him, how much Eli missed his dad. You hoped that he knew that there wasn’t a day that went by where you didn’t think of him and wished that things had gone differently. 

Your feet led you into the living room and you collapsed on the couch, your head resting along the back. You'd never once asked Justin to give up the military. Not when you were dating, not when you got married, not even when you found out you were pregnant or after your son had arrived. You'd always known how much the job meant to him. He wouldn’t have been your Justin if he’d walked away.

No. You'd always accepted it was just a part of him like the color of his hair or the way he rose before the sun no matter what time he went to bed. He was a soldier and that was it. There was no speculating on that, no room for compromise. To ask him to quit would have been like asking him to give up his soul. 

You'd worried. Of course you had. You knew it was a possibility but he always came home to you…until he didn’t. 

Even knowing it’s a possibility never actually prepares you for the real thing. Yeah, you knew it could happen, that at any moment something could go wrong when your husband was heading into hostile areas. But you never actually entertained the thought. He was the other half of you. You couldn’t possibly survive without him so he had to keep coming home to you. 

And how could you not have known when it happened? If your souls were linked, if you were connected the way you believed you were, why didn’t you feel it when he’d left this Earth? Surely there should have been some pain, some ache, some sign from the Universe that the other half of your heart had been destroyed.

But you'd known nothing. You'd woken to your alarm, made breakfast, gotten Eli ready and dropped him off at school. You'd stopped at the grocery store and chatted with Nick, the cashier, like it was any other Tuesday. He’d told you that he was heading to Stanford the following fall for Mathematics and Statistics. You'd come home and started the laundry. You were just plugging in the vacuum when the knock at the door came. How could you have been sweeping when a piece of your very soul had been destroyed?  

How could you have been sitting in your living room, sharing a glass of wine and laughing with Janice, when your husband was bleeding out half a world away? You'd focused on that for so long when you'd found out when he died. You'd hated yourself for it, for enjoying life, for having a laugh, while he lay suffering so far from his family. 

The ring of the phone jolted you from your thoughts. Blinking, you set your wineglass down on the coffee table and padded, barefoot, to grab the cordless from its stand by the television before the ringing woke up Eli.

“Hello?”

“Hi honey. It’s not too late to call, is it? I was going to call you earlier but your dad invited Jerry and Susanne over without telling me and I just got them out of my house. They just bought a camper and once we got on that subject, they would not shut up about it. They had to tell us about all the bells and whistles it’s got and all the places they’re going to see. Good grief. It’s just an extra-large tent, you know.”

“A tent doesn’t have a running bathroom.”

You smiled, dropping back onto the couch, lifting your glass to your mouth as you listened to your mom rant for ten more minutes about this couple. 

“Your dad met him at the golf course and, of course, now I’m stuck with not only him but his braggy wife. Now she wants to have lunch next week. She wants to tell me all about the pool they’re having put in this summer and the kitchen remodel they did last year. Please. I hate people who show off. Money doesn’t make anybody better than anyone else. Money can’t buy you manners or a kind heart.”

“No, you’re right about that. But come on, mom. Don’t you think it would be nice to get out of the house and go to lunch? You just met the lady. She might have been trying to impress you. Give her a chance.”

“Oh, don’t you start, too. Your dad’s been saying the same thing. Susanne loves reading romance novels just like you. You should invite her to your book club. You two have so much in common. Just give her a chance.” You could hear your mother’s eyes roll through the phone. “Maybe I don’t want to give her a chance. I have plenty of my own friends.”

“But dad doesn’t.”

A loud sigh came down the line, “I know he doesn’t. Anyway, how are you and that beautiful grandson of mine?”

“We’re both really good.”

Your mom went silent which was never a good sign. 

“Mom?”

“Really? That’s intriguing.”

“What’s intriguing?”

“The emphasis you just put on really.”

“I did not emphasize really,” you sighed, heading falling against the back of the couch. 

“You absolutely did. So what is the reason for this over-emphasized really?”

“Mom…”

“Oh, come on. Something’s changed since the last time we talked. And it’s something good by the sound of it. Is it so bad that I want to know what made my daughter so happy?”

“You’re very nosy, did you know that?”

“I do but also, you’re my child so I am allowed. If I can’t prod into every part of your life, then whose can I? Besides, it’s been far too long since I’ve heard that little…what word am I looking for? Delighted. You sound delighted. Exhilarated even. Dare I say exuberant? Effervescent?”

“Just because you teach creative writing at a university doesn’t mean you have to throw the thesaurus at me. I am not one of your students.”

“Darling, come on. Tell me what’s got you sounding happy for the first time in years. I can keep going. You sound jubilant, joyous, lighthearted…”

“Oh my god, stop,” you laughed, running your palm over your forehead. “Okay. If you must know, there might be a person…”

“A person? And is this person of the male persuasion?”

“Maybe.”

“And how did you meet this person who may or may not have a penis?”

“Mom!” 

“Basic anatomy dear. It’s not that scandalous.”

“Jesus. You’re just as bad as Janice.” How you'd managed to be a product of your mother was beyond you, especially when your dad wasn’t much better. Both of them just said whatever they wanted, consequences be damned. “He is Eli’s little league coach. That’s how we met. Eli and his son, Jeremiah, became best friends this year at school and it started with just trying to get a playdate together. But then, because of the boys, we’ve been spending a lot of time together and he asked me on a date. We went out to dinner last night.”

“And?”

“And what?”

Your mother snorted and you could picture her face so clearly, the sound bringing back every time you'd tried to avoid a conversation when you were younger. When her mom asked about your crush on Elliot in junior high. When she’d tried to get you to share about your prom night. When you'd come home crying after Jessica Finch had told everyone you'd given blowjobs to half the basketball team. Your mother always knew and she always managed to dig it out of you no matter how hard you tried to resist. There was no resisting Sally Madden when she was on an information gathering mission. 

“How did it go?”

“It was…perfect? I mean, it was amazing. He’s such a good guy, mom. He’s ridiculously good looking.”

“Oh! Describe him for me.”

You sat forward, crossing your legs, setting your empty glass on the table. How to describe Steve? It felt like there weren’t the words to accurately depict how beautiful he truly was. 

“Okay. Well, he’s just under six feet. He has this chestnut colored hair. It’s so thick and it’s longer but not too long. It’s the kind of hair that most girls would kill for. He has hazel eyes and I swear, every color is in them. Sometimes they’re more green, sometimes more golden, sometimes more brown. It’s like they change with his moods. And his smile…his smile is like the sun. It’s so bright and beautiful and you just can’t help but smile too. And he has these adorable little moles on his face and neck. And he’s fit, you know, but not, like, too fit. He’s not all muscly but he definitely takes care of himself. His hands are huge. They could swallow my entire head but he’s so gentle. Oh, and his chest hair…I didn’t even know I had a thing for chest hair but apparently I do.”

Your mom giggled and your face flushed. You hadn’t meant to quite share all of that but once you began, it all just came spilling out. Had you really just talked about Steve’s chest hair with your mother? You could envision your mom’s feet kicking in glee, overjoyed that you had shared so much with her.

“Mom, please don’t make this a bigger deal than it is,” you pleaded. “We’ve only gone on one date and I have no idea where it’s going. It might be nothing.”

“I’m not making anything bigger than it is. Honey, you sound so happy. It is absolutely a big deal. It’s the biggest deal. Oh, I can’t wait to meet this guy who has made my girl sound like she’s truly living for the first time since Justin.”

That familiar knot of guilt coiled inside of you at your husband’s name. You rotated your ankles, willing away any kind of anxiety. It was okay. You were allowed to be happy. At least that’s what everyone kept telling you and if you shared how you were feeling with your mother, she would tell you the same thing. There was no point in rehashing it again. 

“Mom, it’s really not yet. It might not even be anything.”

“You know, we were talking about coming for a visit. This could be the perfect time.”

“Oh no. Wait…”

“Oh honey, I can’t wait to meet him. I can already tell by the way you sound that he’s incredible. And he sounds so dreamy but then, you’ve always had good taste. Maybe we could plan a trip for next month. Your dad wants to catch one of Eli’s games anyway.”

Oh god. Your stomach rolled, your eyes darting to find something to focus on. The clock on the wall, the steady tick of the second hand. The ashtray on the coffee table that Eli had made for you last year even though you didn’t smoke. Your red pumps sitting by the door, discarded after a long day at work. 

No. Your mom swooping in, fawning all over Steve, and inflating this into something much larger than it was…that was the last thing you needed. Sounds…you needed sounds. Any sounds that were not your mother screeching in your ear. 

“Mom, I have to go.”

“Oh, but sweetie…”

“No. I need to go,” you gasped, struggling to find air. 

“Honey, is it happening?”

“It’s ok. I’ve got control of it but I need to get off the phone.”

“Okay but if you…”

“Bye mom.”

You slammed the phone down, closing your eyes, going inward. The tick of the clock, the sound of someone’s radio playing next door, the hum of the washing machine. You wiggled your fingers, nodded your head, and tapped your foot. 

It was under control. You were in control. You could do this. If your parents came it wouldn’t be the end of the world. Besides, you would love to see them. The last time you'd seen them had been Christmas and Eli would be overjoyed that they were visiting. You would have to give Steve fair warning before then. Yeah. That wouldn’t be awkward at all. 

____________________________________________________________

Steve ran damp palms down the front of his jeans as he approached your house the next morning. You'd told him to be there by eleven so they would have plenty of time to get the baking done before the boys had to be picked up from school. Looking at his watch it was 10:56. He was right on time. 

Of course, that could be because of how stressed he’d been this morning. After dropping off Jeremiah, he had called in to the office just to check in and make sure everything was set for the day. As soon as you had offered to let him come and bake with you, he rearranged his schedule, moving a meeting to tomorrow and asking Gerry to do the rounds of some of the job sites. But still, it was his responsibility, and he just wanted the assurance that all would run smoothly and he wouldn’t receive any calls interrupting their time together. 

Gerry was great but he’d only been with the company for six months and often called just to double check decisions with Steve. His self-confidence was lacking. Steve had assured him that he could make the calls today, making it abundantly clear that he didn’t want to be bothered for the day unless it was a life-or-death emergency. Nothing would burst the bubble of a new relationship faster than constant distractions. 

He’d spent the two hours after that pacing, checking the clock, heading into the bathroom to make sure he looked okay, changing his shirt, anxiously waiting for it to be time to leave. On more than one occasion he’d grabbed his keys, thinking he’d just show up early but stopped himself, not wanting to seem too eager. But he was. He’d thought of nothing but you since your date, seeing your face, hearing your laugh, getting to taste those perfectly sweet lips again. 

You had even invaded his dreams in the very best way possible. After a rather vivid dream of you underneath him, his name falling from your lips as you urged him on over and over, he’d had to take matters into his own hands this morning to relieve the throbbing hard-on he’d opened his eyes to. His hand moving over his length, picturing you in his mind, those pink lips and beautiful eyes, your dainty hand stroking him to release. 

Fuck. Steve shook it off. He had to stop. He was not going to be able to control himself from making a move if he didn’t. It was hard enough to not touch you or kiss you when the boys were around and now, they were going to be completely alone in your house. That opened far too many possibilities and he didn’t want to push you too fast. He feared if the two of you made a move you weren't really ready for, then you would retreat, pull away from him, and this would be over before it really began. 

Bracing himself, he lifted his fist and rapped on the door three times. He could do this. He could control these urges. He wasn’t a fucking pre-teen anymore who didn’t know what to do with a boner. He had this completely under control.

But then the door opened and no, he absolutely did not because there you stood, looking so damn enticing and all he could focus on were those perfect pink lips, currently curved up on both sides in the most delicious looking smile, and he was overcome with the urge to shove you against the wall and kiss you senseless. 

“Hey! Right on time,” you beamed, waving your hand in invitation. “Come on in. I’ve got the kitchen all set up for us.”

“Great,” he replied, thinking you didn’t have the kitchen set up for what he actually wanted to be doing. “I am going to apologize now because I really am very bad at this. I don’t know how much help I’ll be. I may have just signed you up for double duty.”

You shrugged, bouncing barefoot, your toenails a bright sky blue, into the kitchen. The counter space was absolutely covered with mixing bowls, baking pans, containers of baking ingredients, and tupperware just waiting to hold sweet treats. 

“Not a big deal. I actually love to bake. I’ve been doing it since I was a kid.”

“With your mom?”

“Oh god no,” you snorted, grabbing the container that looked like flour. “My mom would burn the house down if she tried to bake. She can’t cook, either. She hates the kitchen. If it weren’t for my dad, we would have lived off of take-out. No. I baked with my grandma. I used to spend most weekends with her when I was a kid and she always had something in the oven.”

“That’s cute. I can just picture little you, nose all dusted with flour. She never taught your mom?”

“Grandma on my dad’s side,” you explained. “We’re going to start off with basic rice krispie treats. Every kid loves a rice krispie treat.” At his skeptical expression, you laughed, sliding the recipe card toward him. “I promise. You can’t mess it up. It’s not even really baking. Nothing has to go in the oven.”

“You have far too much faith in me,” Steve told you, glancing down at the card. 

“You just melt the butter and then add the marshmallows. The trick is to keep stirring it until the marshmallows are completely melted. Then you add the mixture to the Rice Krispies, spread it in the pan, let it cool, and voila, you have a yummy treat. I mean, anyone can do that.”

“You clearly haven’t met me. I can grill any kind of meat you want but baking…but we’ll see. I’ll give it a go.”

He set to work on the Rice Krispie Treats, grabbing a saucepan and a stick of butter. He turned the burner on low, watching as you began measuring and dumping ingredients into a bowl. 

“And what are you making?”

“I am making my grandma’s famous strawberry crumb bars,” you answered. 

“Ahh. So, does your mom’s mom not like to cook or bake either?” he asked, swirling a spatula through the butter gently. 

“My grandma on my mom’s side doesn’t like anything,” you laughed harshly. “She’s a miserable woman who made my mom’s childhood hell. She got pregnant at twenty-two and the guy took off. She’s never told my mom who her dad is. I guess she never wanted kids and so she just acted like she didn’t have one. My mom practically raised herself, which is why she has no idea how to cook. She lived off of cereal and canned soup, whatever she could find because her mom went out most nights leaving her alone. She doesn’t speak to her and neither do I.”

“Damn, that really sucks for you and your mom. I’m sorry.”

You shrugged, stirring the ingredients in the bowl. “It doesn’t really bother me. I never went without. It bothers me for my mom. It does suck. It sucks that she never had anyone to call about all the crazy shit that happens in life. I don’t know what I’d do without my mom. She drives me nuts but she’s my best friend, you know?”

“No,” he chuckled awkwardly, dumping marshmallows into the pan. “I actually don’t. I’m more like your mom, remember? Hell, I may as well be an orphan at this point. I haven’t seen my parents in years. They didn’t even come up to the hospital to see Jere when he was born. My mom saw him once, when he was four months old.”

“Jesus…that…Steve, I don’t even have words for that. How does a mother do that? How can they not want to see their own grandchild?”

“Probably because they don’t want to see me,” he answered, cringing as he attempted to stir the cereal into the sticky mixture. It did not want to mix and he had to give it some real elbow grease to get it to start blending together. “I’m a massive disappointment. I didn’t go to college. I didn’t follow in my dad’s footsteps and according to them, I married down and now I am reaping what I sowed. Like they’re the glowing example of a successful marriage. Staying together doesn’t mean it’s successful, especially when you can barely stand each other.”

You slid by him as he carried the bowl to the counter and you transferred your bars to the oven. Closing the door, you spun, hands braced on the handle. 

“You know they’re wrong, don’t you?”

“What?” he asked, becoming frustrated as the gooey concoction fought back, not wanting to leave the spatula to transfer into the pan. 

“Your parents. They’re wrong. Any parent who wouldn’t be proud as hell to have raised someone like you is completely out of their mind.”

“I think you give me far more credit than I deserve.” Steve groaned, shaking his hand as the marshmallow mixture stuck to his fingers when he tried to press it out of the bowl and into the pan. 

“You don’t give yourself enough credit,” you chuckled, grabbing the butter. “Here. Hang on.” You spread the butter lightly over the spatula, easily spooning the rest into the pan and then spread it over the top to even it out. “You don’t see what everyone else does.”

“I mean, it’s not like I’m not proud of where I’m at. I know I’ve done okay for myself. And I wouldn’t trade a single part of my life for the one they wanted for me.” Steve moved to the sink, squirting soap onto his hands, scrubbing at the sticky mess he’d become. “I just worry that you have this image in your head of me and you’re going to wind up sorely disappointed when I can’t live up to it.”

“Oh Steve, you’ve already far exceeded it. You don’t have to try as hard as you think.”

A shudder ran through him at the closeness of your voice. He grabbed the dish towel that was folded next to the sink, drying his hands as he turned to you, resting against the counter. You were right in front of him, those beautiful eyes filled with just as much desire as he was currently feeling. Was it real or was he just imagining it? Did you want this as badly as he did?

“I want to kiss you again. Jesus Christ, I’ve wanted to kiss you silly since you opened that door,” he stated boldly and you stepped into him, pulling the dish towel from his hands, tossing it back onto the counter. 

“So what’s stopping you?”

That was all the confirmation he needed and then his hands were on your face, his mouth descending on yours. His entire body sagged as if in sweet relief, releasing the breath he’d been holding since he’d arrived. He felt like a parched man who’d finally received a drink of water, the very essence of life seeping into every pore of his being. 

His hands moved to your hips as yours tangled in his hair and he pressed you back into the island, his lips never leaving yours. A moan vibrated from your body to his and the aftershocks of it shot straight to his cock. Fuck, he wanted you so badly. He wanted to taste every single goddamn inch of this woman, to run his hands over your bare skin, to watch as you unraveled before him. He wanted to worship at your goddamn feet. It was becoming harder to remember why he needed to wait. 

It was made damn near impossible when you pressed back against him, your bodies colliding against the sink once again. Your lips broke from his and you gasped his name when his thigh came between your legs. You rocked forward against it and any sense of self-control he had snapped. He had to make you say his name again and again. He wanted to memorize you, to find out exactly what made you feel good, and then watch you come undone when he did just that. 

“Jesus Christ,” he groaned, your hips rolling as you sought out the pressure of his jean-clad thigh. 

Keeping one hand on your hip, his other slid into your hair, cupping the back of your neck. He finally allowed himself to explore more of you. His nose traced the line of your throat, his tongue following, relishing the shiver that raced over your skin as he did so. He sucked the lobe of your ear between his lips, reminding himself you were crossing over a dangerous line, one he wouldn’t be able to stop at soon. 

“Honey…if we don’t stop now…I don’t know if I’ll be able to,” he rasped when your fingers dug into his back. “Fuck, I want you. I want you so badly right now but if you don’t want this…”

____________________________________________________________

His words filtered through the fog of desire that had you completely lust drunk. Did you want this? God, you wanted this. Your body was craving this. You wanted all these stupid clothes out of the way. You wanted no barriers between them. You wanted him in a way you hadn’t wanted anything in far too long. Was it stupid? Maybe, but you couldn’t bring yourself to think rationally right now. The repercussions of this were a problem for later you to deal with. 

“I want this,” you choked out. “I want you.”

He groaned and then his hands were pulling your shirt over your head, his eyes hungry as they roamed over your chest, the pink lacy bra you'd put on as you'd tried to convince yourself it wasn’t for a reason when in reality it was for this exact reason. 

“You are so beautiful, honey.”

You needed to see him too. You pulled at the hem of his shirt and he reached for it impatiently, pulling it up and over his head, dropping it to the floor. Jesus. Your eyes raked over every tiny mole, the mass of dark hair that coated his chest, tapering into a line that disappeared under the waist of his jeans. 

“You too,” you murmured, entranced, your hand moving as if on its own, fingers slipping through the coarse hairs, following the line down his abdomen. You watched as his eyes slipped closed, felt the shudder that ran over his stomach, the muscles going taut, at your touch. 

That soft smile, those warm eyes, threatened to melt you just like the butter on the stove. His fingers slipped under the straps of your bra, his eyes locked on yours as if asking for your permission. Your teeth raked your bottom lip. You nodded, feeling the silky straps slip over your biceps and down your arms. Then his fingers were brushing the curve of your breasts and he was gently pulling the lace away from you, exposing your nipples, already hard little pebbles. 

“I just want to taste every single inch of your skin,” Steve whispered, the backs of his hands tracing the mounded flesh, ripples of anticipation coursing through you. He stepped into you, forcing you to step back. “Is that alright, beautiful girl?”

“Yes…”

Then his lips were wrapping around your nipple and your hand was in his hair, eyes rolling back in your head, your back arching against the island. He nibbled, licked, and suckled before his tongue glided over your skin, providing the same attention to the other. Your body was absolutely humming under his attention and when his fingers found the button on your pants, you trembled with the expectation of what was to come. 

“This okay?” he mumbled against your skin, face nuzzled between your breasts. 

“Uh-huh…” you whimpered, losing yourself in the feel of those stupidly soft lips moving lower, open mouthed kisses pressed against every single bare inch of you while his fingers worked your button and zipper. 

His thumbs hooked in your belt loops, dragging your jeans down your legs, his lips taking the time to savor each inch of skin as it was exposed until you thought you would implode with need. Steve’s hand curled around your inner thigh, nudging your legs apart and you obliged, hands gripping the island behind you for dear life. 

He looked up at you and your eyes found his. That was a mistake. As his tongue ran over his lower lip, his eyes darkening, turning a deep chocolate brown, you thought you would come right on the spot. You'd never had anyone look at you with so much desire, not even Justin. But you quickly shut that thought process down because if you let him in right now, you would never be able to go through with this and you wanted this so much right now. You needed this. You needed this like a man who had been starving for days needed a meal. 

Steve leaned forward and then his warm breath caressed the lace of your matching pink panties. You inhaled sharply, eyes slipping closed as his nose ran over the fabric, bumping over exactly where you needed sweet relief. You whimpered softly, hips rolling toward him. His fingers curled into the cloth, pulling it down your legs while his mouth teased, kisses that were far too soft dancing over your inner thighs. 

You lifted one foot and then the other, allowing him to pull them away, your body now completely exposed to him. Steve lips traced a path along the curves of you before they found yours again, his hands working behind your back, sliding bowls and canisters away. Those large hands grasped onto your ass, lifting you up and setting you on the island, your legs dangling over the edge. 

“Lay back for me, honey,” Steve urged, his palm pressing against your breastbone until your back was flush with the formica. His hands slid along your body, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as his eyes soaked in every inch of you, stopping when they reached your pussy already glistening with need. “Jesus, you are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever laid my eyes on. I can’t believe that I’m the one who gets to touch you…” 

His thumb traced the seam of you and static, nothing but static filled your brain. He slid through your slick and then he was applying pressure where you were aching for it, grazing over the sensitive nub, your hips rocking up to meet his hand. All rational thought was gone. You couldn’t have contemplated anything if you wanted to. The only thing you could focus on was his hand and then his fingers pressing against your entrance before they were inside you, stretching you. 

Your eyes fluttered open to find him focused on your face and you swallowed, hard. He was watching you like you were a painting at the museum and he was trying to interpret your meaning. Like you were an image he was trying to burn into his memory. Your already overheated skin was blazing under his scrutiny. 

“Does that feel good?” he asked, his free hand roaming the length of your torso to palm your breast. “Tell me, honey. Tell me what you need. I want to give you whatever you need.”

You were going to die. You were going to die right here, on your kitchen island, and you would be the happiest woman to do so. This man seriously could not be anymore perfect. The way he kept checking to make sure you were okay, the way he wanted to know just what you wanted. This man couldn’t be real. 

“It’s good…” you gasped. “Jesus, so good.”

“But tell me what you want. Come on. What do you like? Is it this?” He curled his fingers within you and your back arched, a wail of pleasure ripping from within you. Steve smiled, his fingers pressing against that spongy space within you that had your vision going fuzzy. “Yeah. You like that?”

“Yes…I like that…” you shuddered. “Oh my god….Steve…”

“I love when you say my name. Wanna make you say it over and over.”

He dropped to his knees, hands clasping your calves and draping them over his shoulders. A guttural sound, more animal than human, wrenched from your lips when his lips wrapped around your clit, sucking the tiny bud while his fingers continued moving within you. Your hips rocked, your head swiveled, your hands grasping the edges of the island so tightly the wood underneath was digging into your flesh. 

“Steve…” His tongue flicked and fluttered. “Steve…” He circled and swirled. “Steve…” His lips covered it again, pulling it between them tightly, and you screamed, “Steve!”

Your entire body convulsed as trails of fire raced over your skin, the spring that had been coiling tightly within you from the moment his lips found yours finally breaking free. Your vision faded as everything turned white around you and you shattered under the force of your release. 

An overwhelming need to feel every single inch of him overtook you and you shot up just as he was rising to his feet, the evidence of what he’d just done to you shining on his lips and chin. Your hands grasped at his face, pulling him in, the taste of your own pleasure evident on his tongue, only furthering your need for him. 

His hands dropped on either side of you as yours worked at his pants, pushing them and his boxers down over his hips. Pulling your face from his, you looked down, your eyes widening at his girth. The man was even more hung than you'd imagined. Your hand wrapped around the width of him, your fingers and thumb not quite meeting and the muscle in his jaw jumping as he ground his teeth. 

“Fuck, that feels so good,” he growled as you moved your hand along the length of him, stroking from root to tip. 

You watched his face as you stroked him, your thumb rubbing over the tip, spreading the dampness that was already collected there. He was so beautiful. His lips parted as he panted softly, the line of his jaw as hard as stone, his eyes closed, those long lashes resting on his cheekbones. And you were the one who was making him look that way. The very thought was enough to send you over the edge again. 

“Wanna feel you, honey. I want to be inside you. Would that be alright?”

Yes. God, yes. You wanted that too. In answer, you scooted forward, slipping the head of him over your heat, raking your teeth over your lip when he groaned, the sound a rumble that ran right through him. 

“Jesus Christ,” Steve groaned as he pressed into you, pausing to allow your body to get used to his girth. 

Your body stretched for him, welcomed him, as if it had been waiting for him. He pressed further, the movement so slow, until your pelvises were flush together and he was completely buried within you. His hand cradled the back of your head, his forehead pressed to yours, as they stayed still for a moment, just relishing the feel of your bodies connected. 

“Fuck, honey. You feel amazing. You okay?”

“Yeah. I’m good,” you assured, touched that even now he had enough control to worry about you, to take the time to ensure that you were handling him okay. 

His other hand gripped your hip as he began to move, slowly thrusting forward, his cock dragging along your walls, feeling like he was stretching you anew each and every time. He was being so sweet, so gentle with you, but you were craving more. You wanted him to move faster, to thrust harder. You wanted him to take you like you were his, to claim you, because in this moment you wanted nothing more than to belong to Steve. 

His finger brushed your bottom lip, “What do you want, beautiful girl? Tell me.” Like he knew exactly what you were thinking. 

“More…I want more,” you gasped, fingers gripping his firm shoulder blades, nails raking over the skin. “Faster. Harder…more.”

Your body was screaming for it. It had been so long since you'd done this with anyone and your pussy was practically vibrating with excitement to finally be put to good use. 

“Oh yeah?” His palm came to your breastbone again, pressing you back down onto the island. “I told you I would give you anything you want, do anything you want. You want it like this?” 

His hands grabbed onto your hips as he pounded into you, your flesh slapping together, echoing in the space of the kitchen. You cried out his name, your hands wrapping around his forearms to keep yourself from slipping over the counter. 

His hips pistoned relentlessly, giving you exactly what you asked for and that snake in your belly coiled tightly, prepared to strike once again. Gripping his arms, your back bowed, as you tumbled through the stratosphere that was the earth shattering release exploding from within you. 

“Oh fuck…Jesus…you’re so…fuck!”

Steve thrust into you, fingers clenching on the flesh of your hips as he grunted, his release filling you. He sucked down a large gulp of air, sweat glistening along the skin of his forehead and collapsed forward on you, his face pressed between your breasts, cock still nestled within you. 

“Holy fuck…” he gasped, his lips peppering your skin with soft kisses. 

Your fingers slipped into his hair, “Yeah…that’s definitely one way to describe it.” 

You lay there, panting, struggling to come back down from the high you were currently on when your nose wrinkled. You smelled something…wrong. It was an acrid smell, almost smoky. And then your fire alarm began blaring.

“Shit!” you yelled, slapping at his back. “The bars!”

Steve jumped up, slipping out from you and as you leapt from the island, his release slid down your legs. But you couldn’t worry about that when dark smoke was currently billowing out of the oven. 

Steve grabbed onto a pot holder, opening the oven door and pulling the bars that were now a burnt crisp out. He dropped them on top of the stove while you ran to the kitchen window, cracking it open, waving your arms to try to get the smoke out. Steve grabbed the dish towel he’d used earlier and waved it by the smoke detector until it finally stopped its incessant beeping. 

“Holy shit,” you gasped, bent forward and then you burst out laughing at the absurdity of this moment. Both of you, bare ass naked, racing around the kitchen to empty it of smoke. 

“Yeah, holy shit,” he laughed. “I mean, I like to think sex with me is pretty hot but I’ve never almost burned down a kitchen before.”

“So much for the bars.”

He shrugged, slipping up beside you, his arms snaking around your waist, his face nuzzling into your neck. 

“That just means we need to do more baking and I would definitely like to do more baking with you.”

Chapter 11

Taglist: @katethetank@roxiehorrorshow@sapphire4082@bakugouswh0r3@frostandflamesfanfic @mix-matchsocks @mushy-mushroom04 @palmtreesx3 @littlebookworm86 @eddies-trailer-babe @cheesewritings @emilyj444 @daisyhollyxox @angelbabyivy @the-fairy-anon

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Side note: I am getting ready to leave for vacation in a week so it might be a couple weeks before the next chapter drops because I don't plan on writing while I'm gone. But it will be here! Thanks so much for all the support. 😘😘😘

#dad steve harrington #steve harrington #singledad!steveharrington #steve harrington single dad #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington smut #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington x fem #steve harrington x you #steve harrington fic #steve harrington fanfic #steve harrington imagine #fluff #smut #fluff and smut #romance #second chance romance #second chance at love #widow #divorced dad steve harrington #slow burn #robin buckley #robin and steve #dustin henderson #max mayfield #mike wheeler #eleven hopper

[jaetyun]

20cm (twenty centimeters)

jock!keita x fem!reader

genre: fluff! (slightly suggestive at the end and a little sprinkle of angst)

wc: 15k

highschool au, keita is in rugby, (one sided) enemies to lovers, reader is kinda a bitch (she gets better!), there’s plot holes, it’s just very silly, keitas a lil slow, reader is super tall, slow burn if you squint, even though it’s a songfic the lyrics are unrelated, happy ending!, no pt 2 probably

synopsis: keita would describe himself as a down-to-earth guy. he stands around 165, and has overgrown darkish brown hair he's been wanting to cut since may. he enjoys his rugby teammates and coffee. he likes cooking and cats, and he dislikes reading and homework. new entry on his dislikes: you.

a/n: it’s FINALLY out 🫶🫶 so much love went into this and there’s so many ideas that got scrapped but i hope it’s good anyways!

"did you hear..?"

"didn't someone say..?"

"i was told.."

keita had always disliked rumors and found them a waste of time. he had himself to worry about, not a student he had only vaguely heard the name of prior.

"did you hear someone was moving?"

"didn't someone say shes like 6'5?"

"i was told she was friends with half the students here already!"

these whispers were no different. who cares if there was an incoming student? sure, she might be tall. but is that enough to occupy someone's time? it seemed like all his friends were consumed by this newfound knowledge, constantly looking around the hallways for an unusual skyscraper. although the boy felt out of touch with the constant buzzing news, once he hears it keita always ends up unsatisfied.

"c'mon, you act like she's a celebrity" he rolled his eyes, slamming his locker shut before turning to beomgyu. he was met with a shrug, trailing behind his friend as they strolled through the halls. "i'm just happy theres finally someone taller than hanbin." keita nodded along. the constant knocking on the door frames by the basketball boys was always irritating. no matter how tall you are, that ritual is reserved for annoying 13-year-old boys. "maybe sungchan will finally get humbled." he mumbled to himself. The two captains were always grouped as a unit, along with the football (soccer) and hockey captains, much to keitas dismay. almost exclusively hanging out with them proved to be quite chaotic, where keita was left scolding them for their outbursts.

he hadn't noticed how deep in thought he was until he crashed into beomgyus shoulder, stumbling back a bit. "hey! why'd you suddenly stop-" keita hadn't gotten the chance to finish his thought before he looked up, joining his friend in his frozen state.

there, walking into the class next to theirs, was an unfamiliar face. actually, scratch that. they didn't even get to see her face. her head was obscured by sheer *leg*. nevermind humbling the basketball boys.. beomgyu visibly gulped in surprise.

"well. there's the new student I guess.." keita scratched his head, unsure of what to say. "yeah." was all beomgyu responded, walking inside their next period without another word.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

it wasnt long before the class came to an end, and all the students piled out one after another like a pack of animals. keita quickly maneuvered past them, making it to his locker perfectly in time to make it to his next class. only one problem. well actually two.

a pair of legs blocked his path. keita had the top locker, and the one on the bottom remained unoccupied for as long as he could remember, so hes never had issues getting to his until now. he had assumed whoever was there must've gotten mixed up, since theres no *way* someone would purposely block him.

as his eyes trailed to see who they belong to, his eyebrows quickly furrowed in discontent. "my lockers right there" he calmly stated, pointing to the area behind you. you put a hand on your eyebrows, pretending to look around before peering at the girl next to you. "you hear something minjeong?" winter shrugged, digging through her locker a bit more. under all the piles of expired coupons for makeup brands, surely her binder would be there. "knock it off. just cause he's short doesn't mean he's invisible." you did the same for her, looking around sarcastically. winter laughed at your antics, hitting your shoulder.

ah yes, winters friend group. there was practically gorilla glue that stuck their phones and makeup brushes to their hands. keita had always been around them, since they usually ended up in rotation dating a member of the rugby team. he couldn't find himself liking any of them, which only worsened your appeal to him. he scoffed, pointing to his locker. "can you move?"

"or what? why'ya in such a rush" you finally acknowledged his presence, though once you did keita wished you'd gone back to ignoring him completely. the way you looked and talked to him as if he was a child utterly *irked* him. he took a deep breath, stabilizing his anger. "look. i just need to get my notes for my next class. and you're in the way of my locker." he spoke clearly and slowly, purposely over-explaining. somehow this seemed to satisfy you though, as you ruffled his hair and moved closer to winter.

"why didn't you just say so? isnt it easier to just use your words?" you cooed, peering over to winter to earn a giggle out of her. now, this had never been something keita had experienced before. being one of the all-star athletes of their grade, people went out of their way to not pick on him. and even if they did the whispers were quickly silenced after the first game of the season. so this kind of behavior was completely foreign to the boy, leaving him dumbfounded on how to respond. he furrowed his eyebrows, not appreciating the way he was the butt of your jokes.

"don't touch me."

"ouch! the boy bites" you pretended to wipe the hand on your jeans, acting as if keita was some rabid dog that just gave you a disease from his metaphorical bite. winter seemed to find this hilarious, elbowing you with a mean grin.

"pick on someone your own size!" she sneered, clearly meaning it back-handedly as the pair walked away giggling.

keita balled his fists, feeling his blood boil. he swore, in all his past interactions with minjeong she was never this bitchy, and the sight of the new winter made him huff out in frustration. is this what it felt like for all the kids his friends had teased throughout the years? this shit blows! maybe he should've listened to all the anti-bullying campaigns from jr high...

☆...★...☆...★...☆

keita was unimpressed but not surprised to see the same torso resting on his locker the next day, though he didn't lose his rationality last time he can't guarantee the same today.

as soon as the two of you made eye contact, you began yawning in boredom. it only took a split second for you to come up with a new callous comedy routine, tapping on winters locker door. "we gotta hurry, we're on a time crunch." you said, no sarcasm laced in your tone. you began tapping your wrist as if there was a watch on it, making winter furrow her eyebrows in confusion. and keita doesn't blame her, he would've thought you were being serious too had he not seen the glint of mischief in your eyes. "what? why?" she looked over to you, noticing the boys presence and scoffing out of amusement at the new context.

he turned to you, now deciding to stoop to your level in terms of petty insults. "what happened to pick on people your own size? the basketball team is just waiting for you." hes sure you've heard the 'you should join basketball' or 'you should join volleyball' about a thousand times before, and his theory was proven correct when he saw your eye twitch. "you know, you seem like a sports person too! i know exactly which sport you play"

did you know? you could tell he was a jock! maybe this is the part where you finally start respecting him as a person, showing human decency! he knew he misjudged you, or maybe you were just in a bad mood the other day. it doesn't matter now, now keita feels comforted with the fact that at least he can wear with pride his apparent 'sports person look'. he cleared his throat, a proud grin on his face as he looked up at you. "yeah? you know what sport i play?"

you nodded, glancing at winter to wait for her cue to leave before continuing. "of course i do!" you smiled, starting to take steps away from his locker to match your friend's walking pace.

"its mini golf."

☆...★...☆...★...☆

"what's wrong kei? you've had a scowl on your face since you've buckled your seatbelt." his frown deepened, slumping into the passenger seat.

"i do not!"

"do too!" beomgyu added with a snicker, peering from the backseat. heeseung quickly yanked him back, putting beomgyus seatbelt on for him. the four of them, sungchan included, were on the way to a random burger joint as per usual. last week it was the mall where they convinced heeseung to buy the biggest dildo in the spencers aisles. the week before that it was the skate park where beomgyu brought a scooter because he didn't know how to skate.

with rugby seasons coming up, this would probably be the last time keita tagged along before the group became busy with their sports. october was always a hectic month for all of them, and he would've felt like shit if the last moment he had with his friends was of him complaining about some girl.

"what's wrong? seriously, you can tell us anything bro" sungchan continued, one hand on the wheel while the other rested on keita's knee. he gave keita a comforting squeeze, causing the boy's sour look to soften. "... well. y'all know the transfer, right?"

the other three nodded, all having their tidbits to add.

"yeah the tall chick"

"shes pretty cool"

"winter and yunjin's group, right?"

keita clicked his tongue, his nose scrunching at their nonchalance about her.

"why? you got rejected by her or something?" beomgyu snickered before getting hit by heeseung, mumbling something about asshole and salt into the wound.

"what? no! she's a total douchebag."

a moment of silence hung in the car as the boys looked around each other, gauging one another's reactions. it wasn't long before the three burst out into laughter.

"im serious! y/n is such a-"

"is she a jerk or are you insecure?" heeseung wiped a tear, hitting keitas shoulder.

keitas mouth faltered, losing confidence in his conviction. sungchan hummed an agreement, both hands on the wheel. "she's pretty funny man, you just gotta not take her seriously."

keita straightened up in his seat, folding his arms over each other.

"she has no business making those kinds of jokes."

"or maybe you need to loosen up a bit"

keita looked out the window, sighing softly. maybe they were right. maybe he was just a little sensitive about his height and you weren't doing any harm! yeah, he's sure that's it. he just misjudged you. wait... he's getting a sense of deja vu.. nono! this time is different. keita was positive it wouldn't be long until he started viewing you the same way everyone else did.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

strolling to his locker, keita kept trying to tell himself it'd be fine. things were different now! he was sure talking to you with a different attitude would change how you both viewed one another.

when he approached the two of you again, he replaced his usual frown with a neutral expression.

"it's the all-star athlete!" you clapped as if you had been waiting for his entrance. keita felt reassured by the fact that you didn't have something snarky to add this time! things really would be different.

"we should go to one of his games" winter added, barely looking their way before returning to her locker. seriously how is she this unorganized? you responded with a shrug, shaking your head slightly. "i dunno, i'm not a huge fan of golf."

golf? winter and keita exchanged a confused glance before looking back at you. keita was about to correct you when it seemed to dawn on him their bickering from a couple of days ago. he felt his eye twitch involuntarily, oh, you are *such* a bitch.

he tried to rationalize with himself. you're just joking! take it easy! but if they're just jokes how do you know exactly how to get under his skin??

keita balled his fists again before pointing at you with narrowed eyes. "why don't you come to watch my actual game this friday? don't come apologizing to me after you see the scoreboard." he shot a tongue through his cheek. he's not sure why he loses his rationality every time you come into the equation, but he just couldn't help the way he walked toward his next class without even bothering to open his locker.

you looked over to winter with an amused expression. "he actually plays a sport?"

"yeah, rugby."

"is he any good?"

"arguably the best player."

you sat in silence for a second, calculating in your head what to do. once winter slammed the door shut, you started walking with her, a smirk now emerging on your face.

"let's buy some tickets then."

☆...★...☆...★...☆

the gates to the stadium were flooded, and you could barely find your friend group, even with you towering over everyone.

beomgyu was the first to spot you, sneaking up on you and wrapping his arm around your shoulder.

"yo! i didn't know you'd be here smelly"

"i'm not the one with major B.O. here" beomgyu laughed, teasing you with a couple of pats on your arm. he then paused, dropping his smile and smelling his other pit before shrugging.

"i'm not the one that has my head literally in the clouds," he said, pointing to your head to emphasize your height.

"i'm not the one with my head metaphorically in the clouds" you flicked his forehead, raising your shoulder so his arm would naturally slip off of it.

just as he was about to respond, winter and yunjin quickly joined the both of you hand in hand. "you ready?" you asked, showing your phone with the ticket opened. winter joined you in the action, dragging yunjin around as she raced inside the stadium.

once you met up with the others, you sat down in between sungchan and aisha, the only two people who could balance your height in between them.

"what's the occasion? did minjeong come here to show you all her exes or something" aisha was quickly hit lightly on the arm at the question. the statement seemed harmless. something you could've easily played off. but for some reason, the question had you flushing and hiding your face with your hand. winter stuck out her tongue, managing to make her voice ring above the laughing.

"you wish! she's here for keita!" you hid your face even more, unable to act cool when the wave of embarrassment hit you. sungchan furrowed his brows at the revelation. "kei??"

"por favor?" winter responded, doubling down on her claim. sungchan shook her head, reaching over behind him to talk to her. "no, that's his nickname you idiot" you snickered at the two, taking note of the abbreviated name.

"oh.. yeah! gigantic y/n here was gushing about it!"

"was not!"

you were met by a wave of teases from everyone around you, which proved to be overwhelming with the 10+ voices all chanting insults. suddenly you felt someone shaking your shoulder aggressively, yanking your attention from the growing red on your face.

it wasn't that big of a deal right? i mean, sure you were here to watch keita but it didn't mean anything. you were only here on account of all the bluffs you had heard from the man himself. so why did it feel so awkward to admit where your motivations were?

"look, your loverboy is on the field~" aisha whispered, snapping you back to reality. you pouted, mumbling a retort even with the way your eyes began darting for him.

"you know, keita um.." you peered over to heeseung, who had surprisingly been quiet throughout the game. "he kinda well.." he seemed to not be able to finish his sentence, his stammers only increasing when he noticed your confused face.

"he hates you." beomgyu finished the thought for him, causing both you and heeseung to sigh in sync with one another.

"i dunno what i'm doing wrong! i treat him the rest of you and the reactions totally different" you huffed, crossing your arms while shaking your head. beomgyu decided to keep talking, despite heeseungs expression.

"it's cause he's an egomaniac"

there was a pause, letting you process the new information. your eyes suddenly widened, before you point at him.

"that would make sense! wow, you had a coherent thought! since when did you use your brain?" beomgyu stuck his tongue out, blowing a raspberry at you. aisha shoves his face out the way, replacing it with her shocked face.

"what do you mean it 'makes sense'?? i thought you had a thing for him??"

you quickly shook your head with a frown. "i'm here cause he invited me." beomgyu and sungchan exchanged a confused look, both hesitantly looking back at you. "did he?"

you nodded before continuing. "something about showing off to me. minjeong, back me up here!" she took a couple of hard blinks, trying to load in her brain what you just said. "oh yeah! i wasn't paying attention to you two, i tend to tune your arguments out"

she looked over to the field, clearly focused on a specific player. following her eyes, you naturally drifted to watch the game. the corner of your lip curled in amusement at your perfect timing, watching as keita crashed into the floor and scored a try, seemingly with ease. the boys in your circle all began to rise out their seats, roaring and cheering while chanting his name. he looked over to the energetic crowd, giving them a quick thumbs up before running off to their next formation.

"i might have to steal your loverboy," aisha said, shaking your shoulder again. she was clearly in a trance, making you softly scoff at the way her eyes seemed fixated on the boy. you weren't jealous in the slightest! honest! she could have him if she wanted. sure, the try was pretty cool, but so what? he still hated you anyways.

"god, you look like keita with that frown" sungchan teased, giving you a lighthearted grin.

"whatever. i'm gonna go get some stadium food. wanna come?" you hummed the question, standing up and stretching your legs softly. sungchan rose with you, giving the other guys a thumbs up before walking off with you.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

as keita approached his locker, a proud smirk emerged on his face. he crossed his arms while he waited for you to notice him, eagerly awaiting your reaction.

the scoreboard of the night was 45-27, a good 15 of those points were thanks to keita. you watched the whole night with your eyes glued to him. you had even memorized his jersey number; keita was 17.

"so?" his eyebrow was raised, his question ringing through your ears. you went home that day promising to yourself you would not speak of it. to his face, at least. the last thing you'd want do to is join his fanbase at your school (which consisted of aisha after the game)

"so?" you repeated at him, acting clueless as to what he was insinuating.

"you know what i'm talking about."

you shook your head playfully. "no.. i don't. you gotta use your words, big boy"

his lip twitched at the name. he was *not* a child, and why you seemed to still have that narrative even after watching him tackle with as much energy as he could muster irritated keita beyond belief.

he sighed, knowing you wouldn't entertain him unless he played along with you.

"the rugby game. 'm guessing you were there?"

"what's it to you?"

his confident stature faltered for a second. he.. hadn't thought of the scenario where you hadn't gone. if you weren't there.. that would've ruined absolutely everything. that night keita fought so hard for *you*. even if it was out of spite to prove you wrong, every single point he scored he imagined your shocked expression. he had imagined beomgyu and sungchan gassing him up. he thought about ryujin and minju giving you a disapproving glare, asking how in the world you could berate someone like that. like *him*. if the reality was you were chilling at home, netflix turned up while he was busting his ass on the field...

he stuttered, suddenly losing eye contact with you.

"you at least heard about it... right?" he mumbled the last part, despising the way his voice began to lose all power it had before. that's always what happened when he was around you. all the authority leaving him and rendering him powerless at your sly remarks. winter interrupted the two of you, peaking from behind her locker.

"we were. y/n was the one that dragged me there" you lightly hit her arm, whispering something keita couldn't pick up on. reassured, keita continued.

"you take back what you said?"

"about what?"

"you know.. about the mini golf" he muttered, now extremely embarrassed. he hadn't realized how.. immature he was until now. keita didn't have a deep hatred for golf or anything, so why was he so offended? why did he want to impress you so badly? he crossed your arms, leaning against the lockers with a smirk. "you want my praise?" keita scoffed, acting as if you were unbelievable. he rolled his eyes, looking at you to spew bluffs before his eyes softened at the eye contact. okay. maybe he did...

you shook your head. "i never said you weren't good NPD." his eyes furrowed at the new nickname. what's.. that stand for? if it was another hidden short joke he felt he would've exploded on the spot. you laughed at his expression, patting his hair before gesturing to winter you were ready to go. "you impressed me, see you around."

☆...★...☆...★...☆

"what's NPD?"

heeseung laughed curiously at keitas sudden question. looking up from his computer. "narcissistic personality disorder. why? you got a health project?"

silence clouded the boy's mind for a second, everything becoming a haze. it didn't take long for fury to fill every inch of his body. from the ends of his fingertips to the strands of his hair, keitas mind went blank with rage.

"that BITCH!" keita suddenly slammed his fists on the table, disrupting their study hall period. the teacher gave him a look, to which keita only sheepishly smiled. he turned to heeseung. "i'll tell you later"

once later came he had pulled his friends (beomgyu and sungchan had decided to tag along against his wishes) away, deciding they needed to eat off campus for lunch today.

"sung, what's NPD?" he asks the same question to his friend, making sure to get a consistent answer. "NPD? isn't that narcissism?" keita grits his teeth. so it was true.

"that stupid ass-"

"did someone call you that?" heeseung cut him off, knowing better than to let keita rage out in the car.

"i swear when i see y/n again i'll-" beomgyu burst out laughing upon hearing who was responsible for the new name, unable to control the roars of laughter erupting from his lips. keita rolled his eyes, but said nothing in defense of the teasing comments.

"wait wait wait.. y/n said you had NPD?"

"i'm *not* narcissistic!" the glances the other 3 shared said otherwise, making keita straighten his back defensively. "when have i ever done something narcissistic??" they all glanced at each other again, unsure how honest they can be.

"i mean there was that one time during basketball practice you-"

"that doesn't count! hanbin was *asking* for it."

"okay, well what was the context before the nickname" keita huffed put; recalling the memory in his head. his pout then changed into an open expression, his mouth falling agape when he connected the dots. "okay well, that was a different story! it's was-" he was interrupted by beomgyus giddy laughter again, listening as he began clapping hysterically.

"this is too good" gyu had choked out to heeseung, making the corners of his lips curl into a smile as well.

"you think she got the nickname from what you said at the game??" sungchan teased, hitting beomgyus shoulder lightly. keita glanced between the two, his lips thinning into a frown.

"whaddya say?"

"he called you an egomaniac" keita looked at beomgyu with an unimpressed expression, waiting to beomgyu to defend himself.

"i'm just saying man," beomgyu shrugged, seemingly unfazed by the death glare being sent his way. "you invited some girl that you think hates you to watch you play so she'd stop hating you?"

"that doesn't make me narcissistic."

"okay, what was the full conversation?" beomgyu continues to instigate, even with everyone else's silent pleas for him to stop. gyu was pretty much the only one immune to keitas bitch face, which results in beomgyu usually being the one getting bruises from him. even with beomgyu being in hockey, his muscular strength was far outweighed by keitas kicks to the shin.

keitas mouth fell agape, just now reflecting on his actions. he glanced away, biting the inside of his cheek softly. "i wanted to hear her say i did good.."

"an egomaniac *and* a praise kink??" heeseung quickly covered beomgyus mouth to stop him from spewing any more bullshit. keita was once again left defenseless, a situation he felt become more and more commonplace the longer you stayed. if a magic genie came up to him right now, his three wishes would be to grow 20 cm, make beomgyu less annoying, and zap you from existence altogether. the longer he knew you the less tolerable you became. seriously, not one redeeming quality! how is that even possible? the cherry on top was how everyone seemed infatuated with you.. how did you even manage that? sure you were pretty, but all that you had going for you. frustrated, keita suddenly lost his appetite for lunch that day.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

keita would describe himself as a down-to-earth guy. he stands around 165, and has overgrown darkish brown hair he's been wanting to cut since may. he enjoys his rugby teammates and coffee. he likes cooking and cats, and he dislikes reading and homework. new entry on his dislikes: you.

or would you fit under enjoys? he wasn't sure anymore. it seemed so strange to him he'd consider that as a possibility. there's no way you'd be an enjoys! he can hardly say he enjoys your presence and to say he enjoys your attitude is a *gross* overstatement, so why did he miss you when you were absent today?

walking to the lockers felt empty without anticipating your sly comments. it felt strange that he missed it. he should be relieved you were sour of his daily routine, even if it's just 1 time. but this 1 time his frown was even deeper than all the other times before it.

“where’s y/n?” he asks winter directly, who shrugged in response. "contrary to popular belief: we are *not* attached at the hip. she barely tells me anything." his eyebrow raised in amusement, suddenly curious. he was also curious by the way winters usual time digging was cut in half. it was strange why she was in such a rush...

"than why is she always next to you?"

"she makes me carry her shit for her" she groans, leaving keita to presume it's probably a peeve for the girl. "why she doesn't use her locker i dunno! all i know is my locker is filled to the brim with random sticky notes from her bag."

it suddenly dawned on keita he had never questioned why winter took forever at her locker past she was unorganized. and he had never considered the option that you hung around winter often because she was your errand boy. retrospectively, everything seemed to make slightly more sense. he opened his mouth to continue his stream of questions, but winter rolled her eyes.

"do you only have y/n and rugby in your brain?" keita was about to argue back, but he quickly found he couldn't. he really.. didn't think about much else.

"i have someone i wanted to talk to you about. related to both those things." his eyes rose in confusion. how are those two subjects even linkable?

winter closed her locker, leaning against it with her arms folded. she gestured for keita to come closer, holding back a laugh when she noticed they were the same height. she spoke lowly, as if this was some big secret, even with the way she had already told half the kids in the hallways before keita.

"i'm throwing a party post-game, assuming you guys win. it'd be rude not to invite the team." keita had a specific face when he was confused or about to ask a question. one that with enough time around him was easy to recognize. almost always dating someone on keitas circle, winter had become accustomed to the expression.

"yes, y/n is invited."

"i wasn't gonna ask that." keita shot back, joining the girl in her folded arms.

"then what was your question."

he cleared his throat, his body physically relaxing the longer they held a conversation. "want me to pass the message to the team?"

winter nodded.

"yeah, sure. i was gonna do it myself, but it might be easier for you. see you around NPD" she gave a half-assed wave, walking quickly and joined with minju rather than y/n who was typically tailing behind her.

his teeth grit at the continuing of the nickname. though it wasn't as annoying coming out of winters mouth, it somehow made him even angrier. how that works, keita himself wasn't sure. but he just found a new reason to do well at the game.

confronting you at the party.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

"does this look pretty on me?"

"why? you tryna impress keita?"

you rolled your eyes, holding a fist up threateningly. "you didn't answer my question."

yunjin took you in for a second, trying to find the best response.

"you'll end up impressing more than just keita" she winked, sitting down on the edge of the bed with a relieved sigh. pouting, you sat down next to her and glanced at the closet winter had locked herself into.

"why do you guys think i'm so obsessed with that guy anyways?"

yunjin looked at you as if you were crazy, lightheartedly chuckling. "you guys are basically a couple at this point."

"are we?? or do you just want to see me tied down"

yunjin scooted closer to you, placing her hand on your shoulder and facing you directly.

"yeah. cause i text my friends for advice on new nicknames to call a guy when i have no interest in him" you met her expression with an eye roll, though you didnt retort. no matter what you responded with you would only end up digging your hole deeper. winter saved your ass, waltzing out with a pencil skirt and a low-cut shirt. "you have to admit NPD is pretty funny" yunjin waved you both off, checking her phone.

"whatever, it's almost time. people should be pouring in any second."

winter joined the two of you on her bed, leaning her head on your shoulder when yunjin began tuning the two of you out in favor of all the stories she hadn't checked.

"first public school party, you ready y/n?"

"is it like the movies?" winter laughed at your innocent question, debating between lying to you or not. "only if you're with the right crowd" she went with lying! it's easy to tease you when you were clueless about public school and how it works.

"one thing though.." she started, looking at you to see if she piqued your interest.

"pregame is always the best part"

you tilted your head curiously. "what's pregame?"

yunjin put down her phone, quickly humming in response. "it's when people take shots before the actual party. as prep. minjeong memorized the usual people by heart at this point."

you nodded along, taking note of the words "usual people". ....was keita one of them? fuck! you did it again! you stood up from the bed, shrugging as you walked towards the stairs. "someones gotta open the door for them." you reasoned, walking through the open doorway and exiting winters room. it seemed as if they were waiting for you, with the way the entire rugby team came flooding into the living room the moment you had gone down one step.

"yo! winter send ya out here to entertain us?" one of the guys questioned, gesturing for you to come join them. you shook your head, now rushing down the steps. "nah, just have good timing i guess."

they all seemed to be carrying booze packages, placing them lazily on the dining room table. you watched silently, holding the fact that they resembled worker ants to yourself. the same one that called to you from before spoke again, now sitting on the couch. "why'ya here so early?" he asked the question with a hum, crossing his arms as he started to get comfortable. the other boys were quick to follow, and soon the entire coach and the seats surrounding were all occupied. you waltzed over next to him to answer the question with a shrug.

"i live right next door. wasn't a long walk."

"is that how you know minjeong?"

"you could say." he frowned is disdain. your answers were so direct and short. as if you were expecting the conversation to end every time you opened your mouth. he wasn't gonna give up though, instead, he tapped the armrest for you to sit on. you did reluctantly, making sure to keep space between you two.

"if you live so close why didnt you go to our school till now"

"i went to a private k-12. you wouldn't know the name." keita had been sitting on the other end of the couch this entire time, though he faked a sense of aloofness. even though he wasn't even glancing your way, his opened snapchat that he hadn't tapped in minutes telling you everything.

"i'm realizing i don't know anything about you."

"and i plan to keep it that way."

"why?" you could see keitas head perk up, eagerly waiting the answer. you instead slipped a bottle into the guys hand, giving him a teasing smile.

"drink if you want to ask any more questions. i'm not giving away my info for free." he glanced down to the bottle, fidgeting with it in his hand.

"jiung, dont. you're our designated driver." the dude next to him put a hand on the boy's shoulder warningly, though his palm was quickly shaken off.

"fuck it. keita can be the new driver."

only then did you decide to pretend to acknowledge him, making a small gasp before waving. "NPD! what's up, i didnt notice you" you walked over to his side of the couch, crouching down so your elbows were on the armrest rather than sitting on it.

"was it not clear by the fact that the rugby team is here?"

"ohhhh, that's who these guys are! hey, congrats on the game" you gave him a half-assed smile, watching closely as he swallowed the insults urging to leave his lips.

"you don't sound very sincere"

you smiled again, this time more genuine. "i guess it's cause im not surprised you won." he raised his eyebrow back at you.

"what? is this a compliment im hearing?"

"i wouldn't say *that*"

he clicked his tongue in response, nodding slowly.

"of course you wouldn't CHD."

he had a shit-eating grin on his face, unable to hide his proud expression now. you tilted your head teasingly, dropping the volume in your voice noticeably. "what does that stand for?" he leaned closer to you, clearing his throat before dropping his voice too, muttering in a voice barely above a whisper. "chronic. hater. disorder" you grin at him, opening your mouth to compliment his creativity until jiung interrupted the two of you.

"if i chug the whole bottle how many questions is that?" you perk your head up, making a small humming noise as you think of an answer. "15."

he pouted, looking at the bottle then towards you. "there's definitely more than 15 sips in here."

"that's why sips don't count."

he gave you an unreadable look, but before jiung could connect the bottle to his lips some more people came flooding in, officially starting the party. you turned back to jiung, smiling at him softly. "you're outta time, maybe if you find me again we can continue" you have him a small wave, walking back up to winters room. keita let out a sigh he didn't know he was holding in. he wasn't sure who to be frustrated at, but all he knew was he needed to tackle someone to get his rage out again.

as the night continued and more people joined, it became increasingly hard to find you. annoyed, keitas willingness to be sober decreased by the second. he huffed out, trying to find sungchan beomgyu or heeseung in hopes they could bring him to his senses. his mood only soured as he watched winter and sungchan throw themselves on each other. well great. guess he's gonna see her more often.

that was his final straw. and with the final snap, he stormed over to the kitchen, yanking out a solo cup from the package and walking over to the jug (dispenser thing idk what they're called). once he walked over to the booze station, keitas frown deepened even more upon seeing your face. before he could even pour any liquid into his cup, he found himself compressing it into his balled fist, making a loud crunching noise with his tear and rip made into the plastic material. he opened his palm, letting it fall out of his hand. it took everything in keita to not begin screaming at you the moment he recognized your features. instead, he turned around and quickly ran to find beomgyu.

"why did minjeong let those creepazoids come in early?" you complained, shifting around uncomfortably. ever since you left jiung with the bottle and a challenge you had been pulling your skirt down uncontrollably, memorizing every face in every room you entered. you had hoped he wouldn't show up with an empty bottle. you had hoped he hadn't already memorized what questions you asked. and you especially hoped keita wouldn't end up the designated driver tonight. yunjin shrugged with disinterest at you. you could tell from the way her eyebrows furrowed she wanted to call you absurd for your behavior. "they give us free drinks. we haven't had to buy any in a *long* time." she grinned, handing you a cup and opening a can to pour the beer into it.

"underage drinking? i'm disappointed yunjin."

"you'll get used to it preppy." she teased back, drinking the leftover liquid in the can. you glance down at your hand curiously.

a red solo cup. just like in the movies. you had sworn you dreamed about them on the days leading up to your enrollment. you figured this was just another myth. a trope that has been long dead when it comes to real-life practice. it's interesting though, good things usually never come from these things. still, you took a sip. the bitter buzz of the alcohol made your throat burn and it felt as if you were drinking acid. it tasted utterly disgusting and yet you go back for another taste. yunjin smiles at you, hitting your shoulder lightly. "you'll get used to it."

her face sours as if she had just eatten a lemon, contracting into a look of discomfort.

"looks like you haven't either"

"i'm a lot closer than you are." you both laugh. a dry laugh, one with no joy or humor. it was empty noise as you kept glancing beyond yunjin, watching if one of the rugby guys stumbles in to give you that same shit. yunjin watched silently, unsure of how to help comfort you. "go find keita." her sudden demand caught you off guard.

"what? why?"

"if you tell him what's going on he'll tell them to knock it off. they'll listen to their captain a lot more than some chick." she smiled, gesturing to the door. you smile back at her, ruffling her hair lightly. "thanks short stack."

"i'm actually one of the tallest girls here" she flips you off on your way out, making you both laugh. a genuine one this time. one without that same emptiness.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

it didnt take long for you to find keita. he sat at the same spot on the couch, where they last talked. you sat down next to him, not even making eye contact before speaking.

"can you do me a favor?"

"why should i?" he also doesn't look at you, drinking from the beer bottle in his hand. you turn to him, and for the first time, showed him vulnerability.

"you're the only person i can ask about this..."

he pauses for a moment, taking another sip.

"let's see what great things youve done to earn a favor from me:" you gulped, watching the fury start to burn in his eyes.

"your nickname for me is a narcissist. you've made comments about my height so often my friends have started giving me shit for it. you mocked the fact that i was an athlete. you've made me late to class half the time. i've become a joke to my entire social circle. but at least you congratulated me for my game." he finally turned to you, his elbows resting on his knees with a wry chuckle. "oh wait. you didn't even mean it."

"what's your problem?"

"MY.. problem?? i should be the one asking you that." he stood up, pointing at you now. he finished up his drink, placing it on the table before gawking at you completely appalled. you furrowed your eyebrows at him. why was keita making such a big outburst? you genuinely couldnt understand what was wrong with him. "it's my problem you're a bitch now?" you stood up too, narrowing your eyes at the boy. you leaned down to get closer to his face, whispering lowly. you mustered up the scariest expression you could, and the most intimidating tone you could manage.

"what did you just say to me?" you saw the way his eyes could barely focus on you. it was as if they had been glazed over with the pink tint. throwing him over your shoulder, you sighed and began marching over to find one of the captains. even though he didn't thrash around like a child, it didn't stop his loud complaints. "put me down! what do you think youre doing asshole?! get off of me!"

once you located an equally wasted beomgyu and heeseung, you quickly threw keita from off your shoulder and placed him down in front of them. they didn't seem to ask questions about the predicament... not that they had a chance to anyways. keita huffed, sending daggers with his glare.

"you guys need to take care of him. he's a little drunk right now"

"i guess it's my problem you're a coward who can't handle being called out."

this entire day he seemed to be egging you on, seeing how long it took before you got genuinely angry. and you're not sure it's because of the drinks, the stress from everything earlier, or the insults themselves but something had *snapped*. you gave a fake smile to his two friends that shared a completely over it expression.

keita hadn't even gotten another word in before you politely excused the two of you and dragged him off to some hallway.

"you wanna talk? lets fucking talk." you crossed your arms, waiting for an explanation.

"let's start off with the fact that you hate me. i just don't understand why you're *so* rude to me"

"what do you mean?"

he scoffed "what do YOU mean? you've been teasing me since we made eye contact! you didn't even know anything about me before i was called names and mocked."

you gave him a couple hard blinks, seemingly coming to a revelation. as if a lightbulb had sparked above your head. "holdonholdonholdon-"

"im not finished!"

"you don't have to be." you frowned, grabbing his wrist and pushing him into the closest room to have more privacy.

"explain to me again why you don't like about the way i treat you?"

he did it again, slowly and enunciating clearly. even if he was pretentious, you always seemed satisfied when he talked slower. calling it "using his words". you blinked a couple more times, a genuinely confused face. not one that seemed to invalidate his feelings, or want to call him names. one that seemed to be missing information.

"is that... not how everyone talks?"

he also paused. keita blinked in sync with you now, completely at a loss for words.

"...HUH?"

"i asked yunjin and winter on how to act more like a public school kid and they both tell me everyone's mean and tease each other all the time."

.... WHAT?

so you were just doing it to fit in?? not to piss keita off? not because winter had a secret grudge against him and used you as her secret revenge? not because you're just a bitch....?

"is that... not true" your voice trembled a bit, worry written all over your eyes and brows. keita soften his tone, sighing out slightly.

"it's not far off" he muttered, a new urge to comfort you overtaking him. he guessed it made more sense in hindsight. with the miscommunication now cleared up, a million more questions now appeared in his head. he moved closer to you slightly, your horrified look rendering you unable to respond.

"it's just.." he thought for a second, looking up at you with gentle eyes for the first time since the two of you had met. you locked eyes and you seemed to find peace in each others pupils. "how come you're more harsh to me than anyone else?"

keitas question was met with silence, making him add more to the inquiry for context. "like my other rugby guys?"

your face soured at the mention of them, the uncomfortable reminder of jiung who was probably hunting you down with questions prepped. with your privacy about to be invaded and with another guy hitting on you. you laughed softly at keita, gently pushing loose hair behind your ear.

"i didnt even know any of their names before today. how was i supposed to know what to say to get them to react like you do?"

"like i do?"

"you're cute! the way you get angry and start heaving with anger makes me want to push your buttons more" you admitted, watching with satisfaction at the way he got riled up from that confession alone. he caught on, relaxing his shoulders and trying to wipe the grin off your face.

"you think i'm cute?"

you laughed louder this time, easing the tension in the room by a tenfold.

"if that's your takeaway."

"so you do! wahhh if you wanted to ask me out you should've already"

"as if! you would've gotten all aggressive on me like earlier."

"i wouldnt know, you haven't flirted with me like you were with jiung before the party."

you scoffed, rolling your eyes in disbelief.

"you think i'm into that guy?"

"actions speak louder than words" he threw his hands up defensively.

was keita actually being serious? you weren't even sure what the reason for these accusations were, but you were gonna make sure they don't continue. you slyly moved closer to him, lowering your head to his level.

"if you hadn't noticed you've asked about a hundred questions and i haven't made you pay a single tax. if i'm into jiung why is that?"

"cause i'm already wasted enough as it is." he replied, only around half conscious at this point. the longer you two talked and the closer you got, the more he felt his stare linger. the hotter the room suddenly became. the more kissable your lips seemed...

he exhaled quickly, nodding to himself. "*really* wasted.." you smirked at where his eyes were glued.

"me too." you whispered, trailing your sight down to his lips as well. his hand softly placed itself on your cheek, his thumb making circles around the cheekbone.

he could've sworn he had never felt this way about you before. keita had never once looked at you and felt attraction. what the difference was tonight he was unsure of. how irresistible you became was a question he'd never get answered. how much you seemed to be calling to him left keita speechless, unable to process even his own thoughts.

"fuck." now unable to hold back, he firmly pulled your face down and finally connected your lips, letting the feeling marinate for a moment. the sparks exploded and the little butterflies created fireworks in his heart. all the fairytales would've never prepared him for how dreamy a kiss while completely drunk would be. you stayed frozen, not even bothering to process what was happening. the more you thought about it the less it made sense so you decided not to think about it. enjoy the moment. even if it was temporary.

even with your dynamic, even with your reputations in school, even with the way *everything* would change after this none of it mattered. time froze. everything froze. and for this one period, you didn't have to think about anything else but the way your lips fit with each other like jigsaw puzzles, moving with one another's in perfect rhythm you could get lost in it.

*knock knock*

"is your uh, argument over? it got really quiet for a second and i just-"

you threw yourself off keita and he ripped himself out of your grasp by the shoulders. you both made eye contact for a moment, unable to process what had just happened. why it happened. how it happened. when it happened. it seemed... completely unbelievable. keita cleared his throat awkwardly, stepping over to the door.

"yeah. we've come to a middle ground i guess." he opened it, revealing heeseung who was awkwardly leaning against the wall.

"that's good! that's good.. me and beomgyu were worried how long you two would y'know.. be at it."

you joined in clearing your throat, adjusting your hair and top anxiously. as you approached the door, you turned to heeseung and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"keep an eye on keita. he was supposed to be the designated driver but..." you trailed off, glancing at him with heeseungs eyes following yours to keita who awkwardly shifted. you made eye contact with him again, patting his shoulder one more time before slipping out.

"how did you end up like this?" heeseung teased, wrapping his arm around keitas shoulder and escorting him out.

"it's a long story"

☆...★...☆...★...☆

that night was some of the worst sleep hes had in a *long* time

keita hadn't told anyone about what happened that friday, hoping to forget it himself. every attempt at purging the memory only seemed to resurface it though, which drove him insane. the more he thought about it the more he started to think about the conversation beforehand. you two had cleared up the misunderstanding that basically drove your dynamic up until this point.

he had no clue how to bring it up if you mentioned it. what would he even say? the more the thought about it the worse his headache seemed.

so keita figured he'd do what seemed like the most reasonable conclusion. pretend like he knew nothing.

your heart skipped a beat when you saw the boy approach his locker, his eyes glued to something on his phone. when he glanced up, you couldn't help the way you slid away from the lockers, giving him full access unlike normal.

keita had assumed based on your relaxed body language that you hadn't remembered. he does recall you both being drunk, so blackout wasn't out of the question. you grinned once he arrived, that smug grin that gave him a new pet peeve he didn't know he had until you.

"congrats on the game NPD." he rolled his eyes, not wanting to give into whatever scheme you had brewing. even though he cleared the misunderstanding with you, it didn't stop your usual high and mighty act. he wasn't sure if he was glad or not, but keita wanted to push his luck with you. how much more information would you give without hesitation?

"you're not blocking my locker today."

you nodded. "isn't that a good thing?"

"i'm just curious what changed suddenly."

"it's a little gift for winning." he closed his locker, binder in hand as you stared at you unimpressed. "bullshit." you out your hands up defensively.

"why don't you just use your locker?"

you furrowed your brows "hm?"

"i heard from minjeong you don't use it. you could save both my time and yours if you just used your locker." he rolled his eyes, already expecting the headpats you'd give him for over explaining. although he wasn't exactly fond of them he can't say they weren't already a part of his routine when i came to you. you thought for a second, hands playing with his hair as you thought carefully.

"which question do you want the answer to more?"

"second one. i'm just dying to know." he batted his eyelashes dramatically, even if he did genuinely want to know the answer that doesn't stop the sarcasm keita laced in his voice.

you removed your hand, gently pushing him to the side. "why i don't use my locker?" you patted the one below keitas. "why i block your locker?" you patted the bottom one again, letting him connect the dots.

".. is that one too short for you?" your eyes rose in shock, your face flushing in embarrassment.

"well when you put it like that..." you trailed off, glancing to your locker and then winter. "gotta go. see you anyways NPD!" you quickly added, grabbing her by the shoulder and dragging her away.

keita sat there in disbelief, the 2nd revelation about you also clearing up a *lot* of the shit you did that bothered him. so you had the one below him? he guessed it made sense why you chose winter to carry your shit for you then, hers was diagonal to yours. he watched the two of you walk off, trying to process all the new information he just received.

you on the other hand also struggled to process your own revelation.

"it's interesting," you started, causing minjeong to glance curiously at you.

"i always thought he only talked to me cause i forced him to. he always complained about being late. but this time, he's still late. and i didnt do anything" you were rambling to yourself, completely lost in thought. your friend laughed at your cute behavior. she hadn't ever seen you gush about a guy, but she couldn't deny how cute it was seeing the one guy who happened to catch your eye. her friend had good taste, she has to say!

☆...★...☆...★...☆

you were frozen in place when you saw keita standing at the lockers this time, leaning against them while waiting for you. when he spotted you out the corner of his eye, he pushed himself off, turning to face you directly.

"you know your locker code?" you gave him a confused look at his question, deciding not to ask.

instead you nodded wordlessly. he nodded too, sliding a folded sticky note into your hand.

"let's trade lockers. you probably think mine is too tall for me anyways" he frowned, earning a grin and snicker from you.

"i swear i've seen you on your tippy toes to reach your lock" he smacks you lightly. you only laughed harder at his anger, leaving keita to end up giggling with you. you were about to fuel the flame by adding more instigating words, but was quickly shut down by winter clearing her throat awkwardly, giving you a side eye.

you let out one last chuckle, facing keita as you shook the sticky note in your hand. "will do"

you opened the paper, expecting his combination. as you skimmed through the numbers, you realized there was too many for a combination. winter pointed at the paper, softly scoffing. "it's his number. whyd you need his number if it's just to switch lockers?" you shrugged, not understanding it yourself. not that you minded, quite the contrary. you slide the paper into your pocket carefully. yeah, that was *not* going out of your sight anytime soon.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

the following days quickly turned to weeks, the days blending into one another. the more time you spent together the more natural your new friendship with keita, even preferable to the one from before.

It was strange, you could've sworn you *didnt* remember keita being this funny. or thoughtful. hell he's everything you *wouldnt* expect. since you got his number you certainly haven't let it gone to waste, texting him everyday.

all of your friends took notice to how close the two of you became, but said nothing. everyone was too busy congratulating sungchan and winter! you weren't the only one making moves during her party, and now sungchan was commonly seen accompanying the three of you at your lockers. as you and winter would leave he typically lingered behind with keita.

"don't you think it's funny?"

keita looked curiously over to his friend, whose eyes were glued to the girls.

"since you've become friends you started complaining about her more." he opened his mouth to retort, but was left speechless. not like sungchan was wrong, and though it didn't end with keita calling you a bitch or screaming, sungchan could name the amount of times he has something nice to say with just his two hands. that reminded him...

keita pulled out his phone, scrolling down to your contact. 'CHD 🥱'. he was still quite proud of himself for coming up with it, even if it paled in comparison to you calling him a narcissist. keita mindlessly hit the block button for the nth time. it became so common your eyes widen in panic everytime he whips his phone out.

sungchan peers over keitas shoulder, chuckling lightly. "again?"

"she called my face one only a mother could love."

"isnt your mom-"

"nonexistent? yes! shes met both my dads before" keita rolled his eyes, huffing out at the memory. he quickly stopped his way to his next class, sungchan staggering behind.

thank god for rugby. he had to get his rage out somehow.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

any bystander watching the scene playing out right now would be calling the cops immediately. luckily, the neighbors seemed somewhat used to it. at the very least, they don't give enough shits to even step in themselves. you scoffed, pacing back and forth before walking back up to the window. you began banging on it, just like you had for the past 10 minutes.

"look i'm sorry for what i said but open the damn window!" you hollered, followed by the eerie silence. like you had been doing for the past 10 minutes, you crossed your arms and waited for a response. like the past 10 minutes, you were left with nothing.

you began whining, and *unlike* the past 10 minutes the window cracked open, just enough for you to hear his voice but not enough to do anything yourself.

"knock on the door like a normal person and i'll let you in."

"we both know that's a lie. now open up! i'm sweating balls out here."

keita frowns, sliding the frame all the way open so you could easily climb in.

"sweating balls? it's november!"

"and i'm hot??" you wiped the dust off your pants, stretching your now sore legs.

"you banged on my window like a psycho.. just to tell me you're sorry?"

you gave him a grin, finishing off your yoga. "and to tell you to unblock me!"

"so your first instinct is breaking into my home?"

you shrugged, sitting down on his bed as if you owned the place. he sighed out, but did nothing to stop your attempts to get comfortable.

"i didnt break in, you let me in yourself" you pointed to the still opened frame. you then pointed to keita, your eyebrows raised. "and it's not *your* home, it's pops."

"don't call my dad pops!" he spat out, rolling his eyes. you felt like a nuisance to him, like your entire life's purpose was inconveniencing him.

he still wouldn't trade it for the world, and he acts like a lost puppy every time you're absent. the one time you missed his game to watch sungchans with winter, his heart sunk into a deep pit reserved for you. he never.. felt this way about someone before. it always catches keita off guard when he notices how much he's let you get away with. like breaking into his house to ask for him to unblock you. he always chalks the way his tummy turned to the fact that you drove him insane, and not the good kind. the conversation had yet to prove the former wrong. he scoffed out at the playful grin your displayed. it's as if you never took him seriously!

"he loves it when i do that!"

"well i dont!?"

you clicked your tongue, hollering out lazily.

"pops! im home"

silence hung in the air for a moment, both of you anticipating quietly for a response. there was faint shuffling heard from beyond keita room, and before long there was a knock at the door.

"when did you get here? i don't remember opening the door for anyone.."

he peered from the doorframe, with only half of his torso and his head visible.

"keita and i were just hanging out is all" you smiled brightly to his dad, gesturing to the boy with your foot. he only nodded, deciding it's better a better conclusion than the reality. his dad hummed out, matching your bright smile.

"i'll make a snack for you guys" you quickly gave him a thumbs up, but keita loudly groaned.

"dad, i'm not a kid. i don't need you to make me a plate of apples" he frowned, which was met with a dramatic elongated sigh.

"you need to learn your manners! look at your friend over here, god. this is why i'm glad you and y/n are friends, she can teach you a thing or two" he mumbled, walking out and toward what you presumed to be the kitchen.

"manners my ass. you're anything but classy." you batted your eyelashes, framing your face with your hands. keita flipped you off, letting himself fall into the bean bag underneath him. you laughed, rolling over in his bed in a fit of laughter.

"this is what i'm talking about! you're such a slob" he threw his arm out to point to you, but his complaints were meaningless amongst the sound of sheets rustling under you. he stood up, pulling your leg quite literally. "get off you'll give my bed fleas"

"what? isn't this your dream?" you teased, turning around to face him. keitas entire face flushed. what the fuck does that mean?

"having a hot chick just *waiting* for you" you wiggled your eyebrows, placing one hand on your hip and the other hand holding your head. he climbed onto the bed, hitting you lightly in the chest.

"as if. this is *your* dream to be on my bed right now"

you raised an eyebrow. keita didnt even have time to point out the fact that you had now shuffled out of his sheets and sat down properly.

"you're not denying i'm a hot chick?" you tilted your head, grinning. keita mirrored your gestures, putting hands on his hips. "you're not denying this is your dream?"

you lifted up your hand as a threat to punch the boy, your lips forming a frown. he held onto your wrist, ranking you closer so he could mutter something intimidating to your face.

as his mouth fell open, the door to his room did too.

"i got some-" his dad fell speechless once his gaze rested on the two of you and your.. comprising pose. keita swore it wasnt weird! absolutely nothing intimate. not until his dad entered the room. you both awkwardly cleared your throats, adjusting yourselves. you were met with a slow nod, the plate of fruits being your saving grace from eye contact.

"well i'll um... let you teens get back to that!" keitas dad coughed, ripping the produce away from your eyes as he closed the door behind him.

now you and keita sat in the hanging tension, hands on your knees as you both politely sat. he coughs, and you clear your throat. nothing. you suddenly stand up, "this looks like my cue to leave.."

he furrowed his brows.

"nonono, you can't break into my house, make fun of me, roll around on my bed like a dog, and then leave at your earliest convenience. i still havent even unblocked you yet."

you pointed at him before you turned around, trying to pry the window frame open. "you don't need to. i was just gonna text you dets for minjeongs party, but..."

you trailed off, facing the boy again with a half assed smile. "now that your confession is out, i'm scared i'll rizz you too hard!"

"cut the bullshit." he gave you an unimpressed look, and you sheepishly laughed in return.

"see you at 8?" be waved you off, watching carefully as you stuck a leg haphazardly out of his window. you gave him one last salute, stumbling as you landed on the other end. he sat there expressionless, slowly following as you begab running off.

he had noticed that neither of you denied other claim. why wouldnt he? he didnt *think* he liked you like that. i mean sure, you we're pretty! like.. really pretty. stunning even. but keita knew better than anyone else how rotten your personality truly was. so why was he still staring at the spot where you disappeared? it made no sense. if he really didnt care for you like he claimed, hes not sure why he spent so long thinking about you. why his heart starts racing when your close. why he kissed you at a party...

holy shit.

this couldnt be. when the fuck did keita develop feelings for you?! how the hell did this happen?? this cant be real... this isnt real!

he thought back to all your interactions and if seemed to hit him suddenly. he had *always* liked you. your teases couldnt be any closer to the truth.

keitas room seemed to spin under him, his mind completely dazed. everything was spiraling, he should- he has to- he wants a-

he sat himself on his bed, the only way he could stabilize himself. keita took a deep breath, recounting everything up until this point.

its no wonder he was so sensitive to your teasing. nor is it a surprise he craved your validation so bad. and he guess it made sense why you were always on his mind during rugby games.

well, looks like he found a new motivation to win the game this week.

to confess to you at the party.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

keita could hardly say he was surprised when he showed up to see you already there. just seeing you in person was so.. much different now.

nothings really changed. you're still y/n. the tallest girl in school, and the new student. he was still keita, the captain of the rugby team.

all of it wasnt out the ordinary, but *god* was it so different now.

almost anything made his tummy turn uncomfortably. like he wanted to vomit but all that would come out would be sparkles and rainbows.

the party had already started, and the music blared so loud it rang in his ears. he put his hands over his ears to muffle the noise. he needed to concentrate for his mission. his mission being that he *needed* to find you. keita wandered around aimlessly, peering at every which way like he was playing where's waldo.

and then he spotted you.

it seemed to hit him like an iron door. your beauty. oh my god, you were gorgeous. loss for words doesn't even scratch the surface of how keita felt in that moment, but he knew he was on a mission. there's no way in hell he's going back now, even if you did look like *that* while on the dance floor.

"y/n.."

you smiled when you spotted him, seizing your dancing to walk over to the boy. "wassup hot shot! congrats on the game" you patted his shoulder in approval. "i bet all the other teamed tremble in fear at your name" you were acting different from usually. you're a lot.... nicer than usual.

he's not sure how to feel, or wether it's a scheme to hurt his pride or not. he then peers down to your hand. a red solo cup. you became nicer when you're drunk, who would've thought.

"i wouldn't say that"

"wow, is NPD being humble right now?" you raised your eyebrow, laughing. your laugh was a lot cuter than he remembers, and his brain seemed to fog just at the sight of your smile. you ruffled his hair, beginning to take a few steps back. "holler if you need me!" you wink before disappearing into the crowd. his lip twitched into a frown, biting his cheek as he watched the body of people move to the song.

you were always sneaking your way around, flowing from place to place at your earliest convenience.

before keita could begin walking back toward you he felt a tap to his shoulder.

"another rugby dub!" he dabbed up sungchan with a grin.

"basketball dub too, i heard you guys won!" sungchan laughed, nodding in confirmation.

"it's all thanks to hanbin though, he's a madman in the court." keita suck in through his teeth, nodding wordlessly. hanbin, the hopelessly kind knight in shining armor who was equally as basketball as he was in academics.

every girl that's rejected keita has been because of him. and honestly, he couldn't blame them.

"speaking of him, i havent seen him anywhere."

"you've been looking for em?"

sungchan nodded, now glancing around in an attempt to scout for the other boy.

"it's cool, i'll find him for you. i gotta give him my own congrats anyways." keita patted sungchans arm, giving him a thumbs up. the basketball captain had always been sort of like a dad to keita and their whole friend group, so he almost always had shit to be worrying about in any social gathering. keita would be glad to take some weight off his shoulders, even if it was just trying to talk to one of his team mates. the sigh of relief sungchan let out only confirmed his suspicions, and the thumbs up of approval was all the confirmation he needed.

he could find you later, keita had a new temporary mission.

the first place he decided to check was the kitchen, where all the liquor was. if hanbin was there, score! if he wasn't there, he might as well get himself a drink.

keita shrugged, not caring much for the absence of the basketball player. oh well, more time to decide which drink he’d pour himself. he decided on the mystery beer in the jug, he trusted his team to make a good concoction! once he had it poured into his red solo cup, keita swiftly exited, spotting hanbin talking with someone right next to the kitchen.

he could only see the back of their head, but he wasn't paying much attention to notice it was you. all he noticed was the surprisingly casual outfit hanbin has on. his letterman was lazily open, showing his plain white tshirt. his baggy jeans were clinging onto his legs effortlessly and keita had to admit, hanbin looked ethereal even under the lights of the dance floor the next room over.

"hanbin!" he looked over, his eye smile subtly fading now that his conversation was interrupted. you turned you head around to see who called his name, giving keita a small wave when the two of you made eye contact.

of course you were here. you're always everywhere keita went. he couldn't escape you even if he tried, and the worst part is he's now realizing he doesn't want to escape. he *wants* you to be wherever he goes, and he wasn't sure how to process it.

"i heard you crushed it in the basketball game, nice man" keita nodded, taking a sip from his cup.

okay, note to self; don't trust your team again. he wanted to spit it out the moment he tried it. you noticed his reaction, gently taking the cup and taking a sip yourself before handing it back to him.

you now both shared the same expression. though the taste seemed to be a muted thought in keitas mind now. an indirect kiss? you? just indirectly kissed him?

"yeah well, it's all thanks to this one" hanbin laughed, gesturing to you. that seemed to sober keita up a bit, his curious eyes now bouncing between you two. you shyly laughed, giving a small wave of dismissal.

"after i saw you in the crowd i knew i couldn't embarrass myself" hanbin smiled with a shrug. so you went to the game? i mean, keita shouldn't be surprised. your friend was dating the captain, of course you'd be there.

he couldn't help but frown at hanbins comment, the eerie similarity to keitas mindset sending shivers down his spine. he hadn't processed that you could be motivation for anyone else. you *shouldnt* be. they'd only be getting their hopes up.

"i heard about you and had to see it for myself," you nodded

oh?

oh.

so he guesses they wouldn't be getting their hopes up after all. who was he kidding? it's sung hanbin we're talking about here. mr perfect, of course you'd be impressed by him.

"i didn't realize you guys were close"

"we watch your games together!" hanbin chimes.

it was weird, keita didn't remember mr perfect being this passive aggressive. he could barely get a word in before hanbin dismissed keita entirely to talk to you. sure, hanbin was probably into you, but did he have to act like that?

"its so crazy what you can do with your height, right y/n?" you gave hanbin an unsure look, nodding hesitantly.

okay, so keita wasn't overthinking.

"i mean, just look at you two next to each other! what is that, a 20 cm difference?" you frowned, pulling keita closer to you defensively.

in the beginning of the year, you probably would've laughed with hanbin, maybe even fueled the fire a bit. but things are different now. instead, it was hanbin giggling to himself. it was so odd, keita could've sworn hanbin was a nice dude with no mean bone in his body. and he could've sworn you were an asshole with no nice bone.

"i'm not that tall" you politely chuckled, trying to dismiss him. "she's 180" he added.

hanbin smiled meanly, the same way you did a couple months ago. "what? i thought keita was 160?"

you smiled, shaking your head firmly.

"he's 165."

"i didn't know knowing your friends heights were so important." he put his hands up defensively, no longer snickering. "does that mean you know how tall i am?"

your face softened, but your grip on keita didn't. he took another gulp of his drink, watching carefully.

"you look like your the same as me. 178?" hanbin nodded excitedly, giving you a high five.

"see, we really are friends then!"

keita was used to girls being into hanbin more than him. he was hardly surprised with how short tempered he was versus the patience hanbin always had. but for some reason, it seemed to sting a lot more with you.

maybe it's because you flirted with hanbin while holding onto keita. maybe it's because he was gonna confess tonight. maybe it's because he didn't think your type would be gentle guys like hanbin.

maybe it wasn't, and maybe that's why hanbin was being more callous than usual. so many maybes, it made keitas head hurt. he couldn't keep engaging in the conversation, he had to get out before he spiraled any further. he slide his way out your hold, making a lousy excuse before walking off with a sigh.

when he was finally alone, keita had a chance to catch his breath. he sat in a random hallway, the same one you and him had been in last time. the idea of you wanting hanbin instead was all he could think about.

it was worse than jealously. keita felt.. envious.

envious of the way hanbin could easily take any girl in the school, and he just happen to pick out you. envious of the way you seemed to replace him, going to the basketball games instead of his. and when you were at the rugby games, you weren't there for him. it was for hanbin.

envious of the fact that you two looked perfect together. envious of the fact that your relationship with hanbin didn't start out rocky.

and before he knew it, keita was crying. the beads rolled down his cheek slowly, and he didn't even bother to wipe it. instead, he just crouched down, pouring his face into his arms.

god was he pathetic. this was supposed to be the best night of his life and instead he was sobbing in the corner of a hallway. he had just won a rugby game, and the last one of the season! he should be having a cheers with jiung, a bright smile on his face. instead, he sat with a half full red solo cup filled with mystery liquor next to him. the only noise you could hear was it's soft fizz, and the muffled hiccups and sniffles.

"NPD?" your voice rang from the entrance of the hall, but keita didn't bother to look up. he's already ashamed of himself, he couldn't even begin to imagine how he'd feel if you saw him like this.

"NPD! where did he go.." you trailed off, your voice changing in volume because of proximity.

you took one last look around the narrow path, finally spotting him.

there he was, hunched over and shaking. you felt your heart shatter at the sight, he looked so.. fragile.

"kei.." you called to him softly.

he glanced up, holding his breath when you made eye contact.

hanbins letterman.

you were wearing it. he bit his lip to stop the whimper he almost let out. you began walking to him slowly. he began panicking, standing up and roughly smearing at his face as if you wouldn't find out he was crying.

once you had move closer to him, you firmly held onto both of his hands to stop the harsh scratching at his face. without saying a word, you replaced it with your own hands. your fingers were cold against his warm cheeks, sending shivers down his spine. you exhaled out, just barely grazing your thumb under his eye. the ghost touches were ticklish, but slowly he felt the tears stop pouring out from him eyes.

you breathed again. "nobody else should see you like this" you muttered, letting him go to search for a place somewhere more private. you were being.. scarily comforting right now. keita had a hard time processing that the same person who broke into his house was finding a place for him to cry without his reputation being shattered.

until you gripped his wrist, throwing him into the same room you did last time. nope. definitely the same person.

you dragged him like a rag doll onto the bed. and for the first time, he saw genuine anger in your eyes.

you had never once gotten mad in front of him before. annoyed, sure. unamused? all the time! but never irritated.

he watched silently as you began ripping the jacket off of yourself.

"that dick. making us seem like we're closer then we really are." you cursed out, just loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough that it was clearly an internal dialogue. "i mean, we just sit in the same area! i didnt even notice him there" you continued, rolling the sleeves off carelessly.

"and then he mocks you?? in front of me?" you approached the bed, crawling until you sat on keitas lap. you tightly gripped his chin, making him gulp. all the gentle ghost touches are long gone, and he's sure there'd be marks after tonight.

you lean closer to his face, the angry glint in your eyes.

"nobody calls you short except me." you said lowly, closing the gap between the two of you. keita yelped on surprise, gripping into your shoulders to sturdy himself.

so much was happening right now, it made the boys head spin in confusion.

so he decided it was easier not to think about it. the girl he likes is currently on top of him kissing him like a starved man. he hardly has room to complain.

he whimpered quietly when you pushed him backwards, making his back flat with the bed while you were hovering on top of him.

"wait- wait- too fast-" he breathes out, trying to catch his breath.

"you.." he pointed to you weakly, watching you heave on top of him. he then pointed to himself, uncertainty written all over his expression.

"like..me?" you nodded, as if this was blatant and he was an idiot for not realizing sooner. "i thought it was obvious when i kissed you in the exact same room."

keita blinked. you remembered?

"wait- i thought you forgot"

you tilted your head, the previously furious expression now replaced with slight annoyance at worst. "i wasnt *that* drunk npd"

"so you knew both of us liked each other.. and said nothing?" you shrugged "i was waiting for you to make the first move."

he blinked, his eyebrows furrowed. you're always so confusing, logic seems to be thrown out the window when it comes to you.

"i'm a girl y'know! we like it when guys are bold" you rolled your eyes, your arms now crossed. he laughed at how silly you were, tension he built up in his entire chest being released with his small chuckle. soon it went from a chuckle to a full hands clapping laugh. you look over at him, your face now red with embarrassment. "don't laugh!"

he seized his giggles on your command, his hands now coming into your shoulders. although his eyes were still puffy, you much preferred how he looked when he was happy.

"well, looks like you'd made the move now." he said with a grin, pulling you back down to hovering over him. his arms snuck their way around your neck, pulling you toward him one last time for one final kiss.

one without misunderstands. without confusion. one that finally seemed like a closing. everything was settled now, and there was no doubt in keitas mind.

you were made for him.

☆...★...☆...★...☆

you were talking with winter, your smile a lot brighter nowadays and your shoulders a lot more relaxed.

"what happened to the real y/n? what'd you do with her?"

you laughed at sungchan. "i'm not sure what you mean?" winter closes your locker for you, directing all your attention to them.

"see the real y/n i know wouldve said.."

she looked at sungchan, and as if they telepathically communicated, looked back to you and said in sync.

"he finally has a reason to be a narcissistic" the three of you laughed, though you were rolling your eyes at them.

before you had a chance to retort, keita had already approached the lockers. you routinely took a step back, letting him squat down to get to his lockers.

"i heard someone aced his test?"

"what! that was supposed to be a surprise!" he huffed, glaring at sungchan who innocently batted his eyelashes.

"i was thinking about getting you a treat. i realize it's a been since we've had date night anyways" you said with a shrug. he gave you a grin, taking his books out.

"just for a 100? if i knew i'd get a treat if study for every test.” he stood up, going on his tip toes to plant a kiss on your forehead.

"ew! cover my eyes" winter whined, taking sungchans hand and using it obscure her vision. earlier on the year, keita would've found it annoying, unbearable even, that she was so close with one of his closest friends. but after a *lot* of convincing from both you and sungchan, he can say he's content with seeing her more often now.

he had to say, it was more fun that they were both taken. even if it took him a little longer to finally seal the deal, it was all worth it in his book.

you ruffled his hair, turning back to him. okay, worth it unless you're doing *that*.

"that seems like our cue to leave, you think NPD?"

he frowned, taking your hand out his hair and intertwining it with his fingers instead. "we can have normal couple names y'know.." he whined.

you laughed, giving his hand a small squeeze. "what, don't you'd think it'd be weird for me to call you baby?"

"no! it's cute."

you blew a raspberry in disapproval, waving him off.

"NPD is more accurate, you're anything but a baby."

"even if i'm short?"

"i'll blame pops on that one" you laugh, walking with him to your next classes. he groans, giving you a middle finger.

"stop calling my dad pops!"

winter smiled, watching the two of you fade into the background. "she's grown up so much" sungchan grins, interlocking their hands. "c'mon mom, we're gonna be late" he laughs, escorting her the other way.

and for the first time since the school year started, you had walked to class without winter next to you.

#apollosdiary #boys planet #boys planet drabbles #boys planet imagines #kpop imagines #boys planet x reader #boys planet scenarios #boys planet icons #boys planet fluff #boys planet 999 #bp99 #live laugh love keita #boys planet keita #terazono keita #keita ciipher #ciipher #spotify

[emerald-notes]

Noona! Please! Help! - Part 4

Fandom: BTS Characters: Younger Brothers BTS and Elder Sister Narrator Genre: A Little Dramatic and A Little Comedic Word Count: 900+ Words Warning: Academic stress, despair etc. Note: It’s a siblings AU story of BTS with the narrator as their elder sister. I tried to write something different from what I usually write about. I had fun making this. Hope it makes you feel good too. Happy Reading Everyone :)

Summary: Her little brothers can’t attend to a single task without her help. Be it a dance competition or asking out a girl for a date, they always seem to be finding everything too hard to go through without her by their side. ‘Our lucky charm’; that’s what they like to call her. But what if she turns out to be a misfortune in different situations in one single day?

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - More to come

Goodbye, SNU...:

11:17 a.m. 1st September, 2015

Almost all the students seem to have gotten out of the exam hall already but there is no sign of Jimin. What can that mean?

"I don't think his exam went well, noona!" Yoongi quietly puts my thoughts into words.

I shake my head, "He must be talking to a friend. Jimin’s exam must go well. He prepared for it for months."

"Accidents happen, you know!" Yoongi shrugs.

Finally I see Jimin, slouching, coming out of that building all alone. My heart feels heavy. Jimin will not recover from this any time soon if something goes wrong.

Yoongi calls out, "Jiminah! Here!"

There is a moment of confusion in his face at first. Then it fades to recognition. He slowly walks towards us and gives a weak smile.

"Was it that bad?" I ask.

Jimin nods. His smile turns upside down. And the next thing we know is his eyes are wet. Jimin is crying.

I am sitting at a cafe table waiting for my two brothers to come from the washroom, wondering what life lesson the older one is teaching the younger one in his hour of despair. It does not take long. Finally, they make their way towards me.

“Everything okay, now?” I ask.

“Tolerable!” Yoongi sighs. There is a hint of annoyance in his voice.

As soon as they sit down, Jimin begins ranting about all the silly mistakes he had made. His brain was a mess during the exam time so he couldn’t concentrate properly and he had marked the number of bills and coins in South Korea to be five and four respectively whereas the answer is quite the opposite.

“C’mon, Jiminah, everyone knows that” Yoongi grunts mockingly and I glare at him to stop teasing.

I turn to Jimin and, noticing the dark circles and the sharp jawline, ask him, “Have you been properly eating and sleeping, Jiminie?”

“What?” His look was wearied. That answers my question.

I say, “Listen! What you really need is a proper meal and some sleep.” I check the watch on my wrist and calculate the amount of time still remaining before I meet up with Namjoon. “Alright! Let’s go to granma’s place and I’ll cook both of you some hearty meals.”

Driving all the way to granma’s place is tiring to some extent. It is all the more exhausting when you have a passenger talking non-stop about how terrible he’s feeling and how his life is all dark ahead of him as if not getting into SNU means that your life’s over. I understand that all the unnecessary amount of caffeine Jimin had consumed within the last few months had done little to no good to him. What surprises me more is the level of patience Yoongi has for Jimin. Because I am slowly losing my mind right now.

At last, here I am, trying to make some quick healthy lunch for me and my two little ones.

“You're home already?” The youngest enters the kitchen.

Alright. Three little ones now.

I hastily add more water and some spicy ingredients to the soup before turning to speak to Jungkook. “Yes! Just to prepare lunch. Go say hi to Yoongi and Jimin.”

“They're here?” He excitedly leaves without waiting for my answer.

The familiar sound of the boys’ laughter fills the living room. It is carried to my ears which in turns brings a smile to my lips. I prepare the dishes, pour the soup, take the kimchi out of the fridge and finally call Yoongi to help me carry them to the table.

I am surprised to not find Jimin in the dining room.

“Hyung fell asleep so I carried him to my room. He looked so tired. Didn't want to wake him up.” Jungkook informs.

“But the food will go cold when he wakes up.” I say.

Yoongi pulls the sleeve of my shirt and motions me to sit down, “it's alright. I'll just warm them up for him.”

I say, “You start eating. I’m gonna go check on him.”

Yoongi shrugs, “he’ll be alright, noona. We all do.”

I nod a little but my heart does not agree. Jimin is a perfectionist. I know how much it hurts him when he fails to meet his ambitions. And it pains me to even think how this is going to affect him. He is going to be so hard on himself from now on.

I step inside Jungkook’s almost-bare-except-for-a-bed bedroom and find Jimin snoring softly. He looks peaceful in his sleep. Almost angelic other than the fact that he has lost so much weight over the past few months so he looks kinda ill. His eyes have sunken into perfect brown circles and his jawlines look as if it can cut.

I slowly run my hand over his hair as my eyes start to prick. I wish he would stop worrying about being perfect. I wish he knew he was more than his mistakes. I wish he knew how much he is loved.

I quietly go back to eat. Luckily Yoongi and Jungkook are already immersed in a conversation about some comic books that I barely know about. After a few minutes of munching on my food in silence, my phone rings from the kitchen so I have to excuse myself. It is Namjoon.

“Noona! It's already 1:50. Are you sure you can make it in time?” I hear Namjoon's worried voice from the other side of the speaker.

“I'm leaving home right away. You wait for me a little longer. Can you do that?”

There is a moment of silence. Then Namjoon speaks, “of course, I'll wait. I ain't doing this without my lucky charm.”

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#bts #bts ff #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts ot7 #bts ot7 ff #ot7 f #ot7 fanfic #ot7 fanfiction #bts x reader #bts x noona #bts x oc #ot7 x reader #ot7 x oc #bts jimin #jimin ff #jimin fanfic #jimin fanfiction #park jimin #pjm ff

[alasse-earfalas]

Dark Link and Cowardice, part 4

This is part 4 of my LU theory. This theory had to be spread across four different posts thanks to Tumblr's image limit, all of which I will link to here. Part 4 is under the cut.

Part 1: Dink is a Coward Part 2: Cowardly Powers Part 3: Two Weapons Part 4: the Curse of Cowardice <—you are here

Part 4: the Curse of Cowardice

We've discussed how the curse of cowardice affected the Master Sword (or, rather, how it didn't). So let's switch gears and talk about how it affected Twilight.

When asked if any of the Links have allergies, Jojo responded with the following:

"Cowardice. It doesn't sit right with them."

At first I laughed this off. Okay yeah, of course the Heroes of Courage would despise cowardice, that just makes sense, right?

But then I remembered Twilight's symptoms. And Dink's behavior. And I realized that this answer was given not to the question of what the Links hate or dislike, but to the question of, "what are they allergic to". Suddenly what I thought was a silly quip seemed to be a lot more than that, and I found myself consumed with this idea and wondering, "Why didn't I see this before‽"

Immediately after being struck with the cursed blade, Twilight still seems to be relatively fine (as far as his courage goes, anyway). He repeatedly insists on returning to battle despite his grave injury; so far, so Link.

But by the time Four and Hyrule reach him in the village, his attitude is starting to nosedive; so much so that it just about offends Hyrule.

Notice the language Twilight's using here. He's starting to second-guess his motives for his journey, almost as if he's wondering if it was even worth it. He's placing the responsibility for his adventure on his friends, his loved ones, and everyone else who was in danger, rather than himself. He's beginning to sound like someone who doesn't believe they have control over their own fate.

This is the cowardice beginning to take hold.

By the time the rest of the gang gets there, he's gotten worse.

At first we get a few lines that establish that yes, this is still Twilight. We haven't lost him entirely as a person. And yet, the more he talks, the more hopeless he sounds. This man went from, "I'm not going to die from a scratch" to "I'm not afraid to die" in a matter of hours. And this is a Hero of Courage we're talking about, not some Joe Schmoe!

This goes to show just how potent this curse is, and how potentially deadly it is for a Link in particular. What these boys have been through would have broken the spirit of anyone else. This is a harrowing glimpse of what happens when the Hero's Spirit, the Spirit of Courage, is eroded by cowardice. Twilight refers to this as "divine courage" later, so it's implied that each of these boys understands just how uniquely powerful their courage is.

Thankfully, Twilight does not remain in this state. Once he's through the worst of it and is on the mend, this is how he describes the experience:

I find two things about this rather interesting. One, the curse weakened and let go of him on its own. I'll get to why I think this happened in a second. And two, once the curse fled, it was no longer courage that Twilight lacked—it was power.

These two things seem to confirm things that we already know about the Hero's Spirit, and that were brought up previously by various Links.

Here's what I think: Twilight was able to fight this curse in the first place because the Hero's Spirit is, by definition, unbreakable. Yes it was rocky; yes he wavered; but all it took was the stubbornness and encouragement of his friends to right his course, to convince him to keep fighting, even in his half-conscious state.

Many of the Heroes (all to some extent, but some more so than others) draw their strength and power primarily from their courage. Twilight is one of these. Hence, when the curse failed to deplete him of his courage entirely (see: unbreakable spirit), it instead held onto him long enough to siphon away all of the strength that he drew from his courageous heart. If it couldn't kill him by depriving him of his courage, then it would kill him by stealing his power instead.

Thankfully, his friends were there to lend him both their own courage and their strength in Twilight's time of need. Thus, the group as a whole is brought closer together, and they've learned valuable lessons about the seriousness of this threat, even if they don't quite understand how it operates yet.

It'll be interesting to see where things go from here. Ultimately this is just a fun theory and may or may not be what Jojo has in mind, but there's so much evidence for it that I had to throw it all together and share it with you guys. Thank you for sticking it out through multiple posts for this, I hope it was worth your time haha.

Take care everyone!

#linkeduniverse #linked universe #lu dink #lu dark link #lu theory #lu analysis

[inlocusmads]

“Of most dreadful suffering, I am the cause.” ~ trystan, vasili (crimes of passion)

Wc: 1.3k | Teen and up for strong language

Summary: Trystan confronts Vasili (or a rewrite of chap 15, book 2).

A/N: Basically my excuse to write my version of Trys's character lol. Also shoutout to @thosehallowedhalls for encouraging me to write this. Tagging @choicesmaychallenge24 for both prompts/quotes by Antigone. The title is a reference to a quote from Electra. Banner cred: Electra Receiving The Ashes of Her Brother, Orestes, by Jean-Baptiste Joseph Wicar

The gun on Vasili’s hand felt heavy. A little kid wielding a toy at a brother who will scoop him up and carry him back where his mother stood waiting. The one thing he despised more than the idea of Trystan were insults and pokes at his intelligence. He shook like a leaf, he was well aware. He could barely form words and he spat them out, as if they had to be pushed out of his tongue. He was as comfortable in his skin as he simultaneously saw a new man’s reflection on the floor. He was a kid. Trystan was coaxing him as one.

What did he know anyway? His brother hadn’t been around for eight years. Of course he would see him as a kid he could take advantage of. Stupid little kid doesn’t understand a silly little magic trick. Vasili didn’t know if he should shoot now and be consumed in his brother’s blood as a mark of victory. At the same time he wanted to capture the shock on Trystan’s face - a stupid little kid gasping at a coin plucked out from his ear. A stupid little child with a mouth open wide, as the blood pours from his chest. They were unrecognizable. All of them.

But Vasili hadn’t done this. He didn’t know what Trystan would wish for. Juliana had screamed enough to alert the seven seas in the darkest of nights. Bas had swallowed his, even before he could collect himself. He couldn’t. Not with Trystan being outwardly comfortable. Treating him as family. Watching him as a child. Asking him to come down, hands tied to his back. He’d taken off his coat as a mark of respect. Vasili took a cautious step forward, hoping if at all he could not stomach the thought of shooting him, he can get close to his brother and drive a knife through his neck.

Did he look the same after all those years? His hands were clean. Vasili’s was caked with oil and grit. Did he care for him? Did he care for anyone else? Did he kneel for mother, like Lydea? Eat out of plates scorned with scratches to get anywhere, like Sebastyan? Did he want this? Did he care for the crown so heavy and prickly that it would leave a mark on the wearer’s forehead?

Was it wrong of him to expect Trystan to go - Hey, hey, remember when you buried Bas many, many years ago? When we were playing in the garden? Was it wrong of him to look at Trystan as a skeleton, past its prime but preserved in a pickle jar because their owner needs them to live for sentimental value? What would he say? What stupid pathetic excuse will he offer now? Trystan was gone for far too long. But he didn’t deserve death for his stupidity and ignorance he dragged back home.

Vasili was scared. Trystan loved him. It scared him. He looked him in the eye, like those great many years ago, as he tossed spoons and forks at him from the table. He received them all back, as Vasili would throw not only his share, but a fistful of butter knives in retort. Trystan loved him enough to give his hair a little ruffle and tell him he was going to kill him. He just loved him. It was a suffocating kind of love, but it was there.

Trystan would call him by the wrong name. Vasili would bring up Juliana. Trystan would tell him he wasn’t being serious. He was a caricature of himself. That he had so much in him he was not letting the good come to him. Vasili would call his elder brother a clown. The ‘forgotten boy nobody wanted on the first try’. Someone has to tell them, they would convince themselves. Someone has to show the other love.

Was this a fucking play? Some kind of a trick? Vasili swallowed breathlessly. Trystan had taken many strides forward. He could push the knife in. He could end the cycle of violence. He could shoot. One little click, one little click - come on. Come on. The gun grew heavier. A knife would be better. One push against Trystan’s stomach.

He was a deer in headlights. A little kid caught by their elder sibling on an endless game of tag; awaiting to be tackled into the grass. But he could, he truly could. He could afford to bury another brother. He had nothing to lose. The crown meant nothing to him now, and yet he held onto it like a child waving around a blade of grass - a simple joy his brother could never have. Stealing knick-knacks when he was asleep.

Vasili struggled. He kept a calm mind, spitting out the most horrific things he could think of. Trystan welcomed it, kept cheering him on; pushing him off the ledge enough for Vasili to climb back in with more horrific things to say. Go on. Go on. He was wounded. There was a sense of unmistakable hurt in his eyes, but Trystan welcomed it. The language struck a deep wound within him the elder brother will never recover from — Is this how he sees me? Some kind of an unapproachable thought? A fruit so caught so unattainably high? A joke?

When Trystan lifted the crown from Vasili’s head, he made no attempts to fight it. He called his brother selfish, a testament to Drakovia’s failures, a child that should have never seen the light of day, an absentee in his own life, a fucking traitor to everything he has stood for, the worst of the poison that plagued their family. He was never serious, broke promises he couldn’t keep, never cared for anything. Could he name one thing he cared about?

Trystan massaged Vasili’s scalp, fussing over how the crown left behind sharp shards of rust that dug deep into the skin. Meanwhile Vasili clutched the gun like it had become a part of him. He pushed it directly into Trystan’s chest. He was still terribly scared, but could not care less for what his brother had to say. Anyone could say words. The only thing he could trust was the bullet doing its job; shutting whoever walked in, pretending to be a patron saint.

You don’t have to trust me, Trystan kept chanting it like a prayer. Vasili refused to meet his eyes. Even though he knew his brother could not recognize him anymore, he made no attempts to defend himself. The same way he let himself be hit with kitchen table knives. Fucking patron saint with his fucking nothing-hurts-me-shtick.

But why was he crying?

Vasili was fighting. He fidgeted as he rested his head helplessly on his brother’s shoulder. An anchor of sorts. He hated it. Every part of his skin burned with fury. He hated he cried so much. He hated to Trystan, nothing seemed to change. He hated he was seen as good in the eyes of an exiled - as someone worthier. It was insulting. It demeaned him. It fought at him like an infection needing to fight tooth and nail for the crown. He couldn’t just kill Trystan. He had to watch him burn and feel the warmth of the fire against his skin, like a blanket to help ease the sleepless nights. Vasili wanted to wear Trystan’s name.

The gun dropped from his hand as it hit the ground with a thud. Vasili used his hands to clutch onto Trystan, as if he were a drowning child begging to be saved.

For a few long minutes, Vasili could only hear himself weep. The sounds of gunshots faded away in his ears, perhaps washed away by the sea - by a more potent thing.

“You are my brother.” Trystan didn’t let go of him, brushing a kiss against his forehead where the crown once sat - shielding a child from the loud claps of a thunderstorm outside. “I love you.”

____

A/N: Trystan showing some unadulterated kindness >>> also because Vasili is right. He's been gone for far too long. In my canon it doesn't dawn on him until a long time after; to see their brother as a murderer. It's sort of a mix of Electra and Orestes until it becomes an Antigone and Polynices situation lmao.

Tagging:

perma: @stars-are-within-me @dutifullynuttywitch @thosehallowedhalls @tessa-liam @jerzwriter @quixoticdreamer16

crimes only: @trappedinfanfiction @moominofthevalley

#trystan thorne #vasili thorne #w:inlocusmads #crimes of passion #crimes of passion fics

[bug-decal-kissing]

Hey friends!

A new work, All fun and games by DatWheatleyBoi, was published today, with 1/1 Chapters released! It is Not Rated and No Archive Warnings Apply, and Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, with additional tags "swap au, Enemies to Lovers, D&D campaign, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Swearing, Board Games, Prohibitedwish crumbs"

You can read it here:

D&D SWAP AU CAMPAIGN YES PLEASE !!! Scarab do not scare the old man like that you're gonna give him a heart attack/silly. IS IT DESTINY THAT BINDS THESE TWO FICTIONAL CHARACTERS TOGETHER ? Y. YEAH/j

A new work, Sea Glass Wishes by quewp, was published today, with 1/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Teen And Up Audiences and Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, with additional tags "siren au, siren prismo, human scarab, sorta - Freeform, Siren Scarab, Drowning, Slow Burn, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, How Do I Tag, No Beta, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Sea sickness, Magic"

You can read it here:

SIREN TIME YEAAAAAAAAAAH !!! I WILL ALWAYS EAGERLY CONSUME MERFOLK CONTENT !! Scarab almost DIED and Prismo is just like 'take a nap man I'll get you some food :-)' I THINK HE NEEDS THERAPY/silly. I cannot wait until he realises he has to eat raw fish for the rest of his life/j

NSFW works are below the cut :].

A new work, The Beginning is the End is the Beginning by grylos, was published today, with 2/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Explicit and Graphic Depictions Of Violence, with additional tags "Genocide, Slavery, Sexual Slavery, Bombs, Suicidal Thoughts, Sad, Happy Ending, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Backstory, Slow Burn, Child Abuse, Past Abuse, Physical Abuse, Explicit Sexual Content, Corruption"

You can read it here:

NOOOO MY BOY !!! NOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!! MY SWEET PRECIOUS SON NOOOOOO WHYYYYYYY I'm clinging on to that happy ending tag already i NEED THINGS TO BE OKAY FOR HIM I NEED THINGS TO BE OKAY FOR THE BOTH OF THEM I WILL CRY/silly

The Story of Brave Knight Scourge and his Nemesis, Promise the Wizard (an original story by Scarab), by anxietyrobot, was updated today, with 3/? Chapters released! It has a rating of Mature and Graphic Depictions Of Violence, with additional tags "Slow Burn, Alternate Universe- Medieval Fantasy, Dual Narrative, identity crisis, Dramedy, lots of baggage, Learning to be vulnerable, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Enemies to roommates to lovers, annoyances to lovers, they get worse before they get better, Alcohol Use and Abuse"

You can read it here:

COSMIC OWL CAMEO RAAAAAAAH/pos !!! The chariot tarot card is such a Scarab card; every day I am tempted to make a personal AT tarot card deck <- cannot afford the actual deck and they both got the lovers oooOOOOoooooo

#prohibitedwish #prohibitedwish fics #all fun and games #the beginning is the end is the beginning #sea glass wishes #the story of brave knight scourge and his nemesis promise the wizard

[lightbluetown]

happy new years eve everyone! here's an overly-personal post of me reflecting on 2023 ✨

have i ever told you guys that i had no idea ofmd was a queer show when i first started watching it? i really didn't know the first thing about it-- i'd never even seen a picture of stede in my life. it took me almost three weeks to veeery gradually get through the first three episodes. i enjoyed them, but only felt like tuning in during dinner on weekends. i've been around fandom spheres for twelve years but i've never been part of a big fandom myself (or of any fandom that wasn't related to video games or, well, anime). certainly didn't think that would change anytime soon. yet suddenly, a mere three weeks before the start of season 2, i heard the words "you wear fine things well" and all the circuits in my brain were reset

2023 had definitely been a suboptimal year for me until then-- devastating natural disasters, personal losses, deep political problems, the uszh. not to mention the terrible injustices and wars happening around the world. i tend to protect myself from negative thoughts and fear by letting hyperfixations consume me (as i'm sure many people can relate) and boy did ofmd do the job! especially with the excitement of s2... i didn't even realize when october came to an end, it just flew by! i excitedly watched every episode as soon as they came out, made some silly posts on this blog that i'd randomly decided to make... yes, the fandom has its fair share of problems, and i see annoying takes in my twitter fyp basically every day, but eh, i've seen (and been in) worse communities. my experience has been lovely! i love all the beautiful fan art, gifsets and meta posts here. people are so passionate, which only makes my passion grow stronger. i really appreciate it.

unsurprisingly, i've consumed basically everything you can possibly consume that features rhys/the new zealand gang (i've become a diehard fotc fan too). sorry for the sudden dark turn but a really close friend of mine tragically passed away the day after my birthday in november. i don't think i would've moved on with my life if it wasn't for the very welcome distraction provided by these series. especially ofmd of course

ofmd isn't just a silly fun comedy show, it isn't just a love story, at least not to me. it's the story of a man who's spent his life feeling lost, left out, left behind, unwanted, unloved, unneeded. a middle-aged gay man stuck in aristocracy who, for some reason, i can deeply relate to as a young queer person stuck in the middle east. it's the story of people like me freely and unapologetically being themselves, fighting to live their lives filled with joy and love, even in less-than-ideal conditions. it's given me a lot of strength and hope when i needed it. i would've had a much worse memory of 2023 in my mind if it hadn't been for ofmd

so yeah. 2023? not a huge fan! glad it's over! but i'm really glad ofmd was part of it!! i'll remember the past four months fondly, i'll keep loving the series for many months to come and i'll hopefully enjoy a third season with other fans. i'm excited! i hope 2024 will be better for everyone

thank you all!!

#personal #ofmd #tagging for my personal blog use #idk if anyone will even read this but i appreciate everyone following this blog #means a lot to see people in my notes!!

[f1-stuff]

Hi! Another newbie here lol. Any ig/twt/etc accounts you recommend following for behind the scenes stuff? Like, in different videos on like tiktok and stuff I see like, BTS content but I can never find it on the SF app/YouTube etc… like I’ve seen clips of post race debriefs, and that video of Charles hiding in the closet on Carlos’s birthday, and other stuff that I ofc can’t remember right now. I thought it would be part of the SF full access videos but I don’t think so… or like, the video of them sitting on steps with wrenches? I thought that was a C2 challenge video but I can’t find that either? Maybe all the debriefs are just from DTS? Idk girl sorry if this is too vague lol I just want to consume every ounce of media I can.

Ah I see- I’m gonna put this below the cut so it’s not too long

The SF app is honestly hard to navigate, but they do put post-race videos and the SF full access videos there. Ferrari’s YouTube also posts those things but sometimes a bit delayed by a few days. And then there’s Ferrari’s tiktok account which sometimes posts things a few days before the Instagram or Twitter.

The C2 challenges are up on their YouTube, but they recently deleted the wrenches one you’re talking about for copyright issues. Luckily it’s still on their Instagram and a lot of ppl have it saved/it’s posted on tumblr somewhere. Here is the birthday video as well, which I think is also included in the full access vid from the Dutch GP.

Formula 1’s YouTube also has silly videos with the drivers sometimes, like Secret Santa, Grill The Grid, and the recent Goggle Games stuff, as well as just highlights of all the sessions on track and live streams of the driver’s parades.

So I follow the obvious insta/twitter accounts (@.scuderiaferrari, Carlos, Charles, @.f1), but I also follow:

1. @.formulasantander - posts extra content of the Ferrari boys

2. @.mariorenzif1 & @.artoffl - beautiful f1 photography

3. @.formula.addict - cool stats/vids/graphics

4. @.LeclercNews & @.Vetteleclerc - for Charles updates and sometimes race radios

5. @.Team55_ - for Carlos updates and race radios

6. @.InsideTheCockpit - YouTube for full driver radios post-race after a few days/a week

7. @.f1-stuff - my YouTube where I post ferrari team radios

8. Charles and Carlos also have their own YouTube channels, where they post exclusive content.

9. And then here’s the respective twitters for the main accounts: @.ScuderiaFerrari, Carlos, Charles, @.f1, @.SkySportsF1

I hope this is helpful!

#anon #ask #links

[pharawee]

More random thoughts on Big Dragon ep 2 because I might as well continue doing this since this show has consumed me anyway.

This ep was way more lighthearted and fun than ep 1, which is probably necessary to make the characters more sympathetic. Was it silly? Yes. Did I really, really enjoy it? Definitely. P much all of it had me in stitches. Maybe I’m easy to entertain idk. I am Star Hunter’s target audience, after all lmao

None of it was in the novel, either (I dimly remember a doctor’s visit scene but that’s such a trope in Thai Y novels so maybe I’m imagining it) - but that’s not exactly difficult because the novel is just a bunch of spicy scenes in a trenchcoat.

What the novel didn’t have is

I knew it was coming form the 1 frame they gave us of this in the trailer but. Wow. From the preview of next week’s ep it seems like Yai is actually really into this and has someone to regularly help him out? Good for him.

Congrats to Bank for being the first (Thai) Bl actor in a ball gag.

Which is kind of ironic considering I was first stanning him for his music. Watching Mos & Bank’s travel vlog will never be the same again 🥴

And if I was Yai I’d channel all of my illegal endeavours considerable privilege into getting that recording back, too.

And this is the face of a doctor who is actually a highly trained professional and was willing to treat his patient’s ailments with the utmost confidentiality but then Yai mentioned falling butt-first on a roll-on deodorant, which is now guaranteed to join this hospital’s canon of weird(tm). There is probably going to be a shorthand note on Yai’s hospital file and it will mean ‘roll-on deodorant boy’.

But still, someone in this much pain should probably not walk away with a topical cream only. I am worried for you, Yai.

Also, this

is the logo MosBank have been using for their fandom stuff too and it’s so cute to see it here 🥺

What else?

Yai is leaving the toilet without the snacks he was gifted and, honestly, some sleep-deprived, overworked, hungry student is probably going to be very happy they found them just lying around. Finally, some realistic product placement.

The ep ends with this scene which, in the novel, leads up to my favourite smutty scene (there’s really no other kind lmao). In the novel, Yai steals Mangkorn’s phone (which he promptly trashes) and his underwear (which he keeps) and this is when Mangkorn catches him red-handed. I’m only mentioning this because they’re probably not going this route in the series, and they’re kind of playing their cards close to their chest in the preview. I’m okay with them toning down all the smut, though. It balances out things nicely. Even if there’s only 8 eps and I already want there to be at least 4 more.

And where is Big Thanakorn? I was promised Big Thanakorn 😤

#jane watches stuff #big dragon #big dragon the series #i'm still recovering from the first cap i'm #😳😳 #bd meta

[lighthouse-enjoyers-anonymous]

The CSH pipeline (aka my downfall)(aka my favorite band ever)

Last year around June, I listened to Car Seat Headrest for the first time, I think starting with Sober to Death. I had seen mention of the band before in memes about it being "incel" "male manipulator" music, but it was associated with a lot of bands I already had an interest in. My first instinct when seeing that something is being shit on is to go and consume the media so I can judge for myself whether it's actually that bad or if the fanbase is just being characterized by a couple shitty fans and if it's being meme-ified like Weezer. This has lead me down some questionable paths but I ultimately like this way of consuming media because I do end up finding new stuff I enjoy without being restricted to what's popular. I started listening to Mitski because I saw a tumblr post about how people don't like her work. Idk. Anyways I loved Sober to Death and started listening to their other top songs to get a feel for it. I think I mainly just listened to Twin Fantasy and Teens of Denial at first, then ToS and MBIKMB after a while. I wasn't hardcore into it and I knew barely anything about the band except I had picked up somewhere that Will was a furry (I have zero idea when I learned this but at the time I thought it was the most hilarious thing I've ever heard). I was just focused on my other interests much more (you know how it is). Fun fact, my ex included "It's Only Sex" on our relationship playlist when we dated in March, which

1- is an absolutely insane red flag 2- proves I knew about the band earlier than I remember Flash forward to February. I must have seen CSH mentioned a lot more on tiktok or pinterest or something, because I suddenly had a lot of interest in it. Sometimes I get waves of "oh god i'm a fake fan for not knowing everything about this subject" and that spurs some manic search to CONSUME ALL. I started listening to every album available on spotify, learned about Will's pre-CSH projects, and was instantly hooked.

This guy had written songs that spoke to me in a way only several other artists had in the past. On top of that, he had lived less than an hour away from me for the majority of my life (until he relocated to Seattle in 2014), AND most of his music was written at the age I am now. There was something so personal to me about it. Obviously, it was a popular-ish band so it wasn't really underground or anything, but it wasn't known by everyone so I still had the opportunity to introduce it to my friends for the first time. That being said, I still got teased a bit for listening to "sad gay furry music" :/ Touché.

Anyways, I then learned about 1 Trait Danger. Oh boy. I had heard the "Timmis" sound going around on tiktok without realizing it. God Andrew Katz is amazing too. It was silly, it was stupid, it had a new plotline to follow for each album, there was a discord server, there were costumes, there was Will Toledo, there was SO MUCH TO LEARN. So naturally I joined the Patreon so now I get some sick behind the scenes video game development content.

Deeper into the rabbithole comes Cate Wurtz's comics, which are mentioned in several CSH songs, and generally help to contextualize Will's work. Holy Shit I love Crow Cillers. I only started reading it yesterday. I have yet to fully understand what's going on because there is such a mash up of themes. It's entirely possible I made a mistake and managed to skip some crucial lore, but I'll figure it out eventually. Ynce Iche is badass. Other things that this hyperfixation has caused me to get into:

Radiohead and Weezer. more stereotypical incel music but I D K

Costume design? I'm in the process of building a trait mask, and I will make another post about this because I need help!!

animation, possibly. I'm hoping to animate parts, if not all, of 1 Trait Bangers. I have no prior experience with animating so this will be.... fun...

video production. I am ALSO in the process of creating a series of tiktok style videos to all of twin fantasy. if each one is about a minute, I should have... 71 videos. 1 down, 70 to go! This is cool because I got to visit the spot in Harper's Ferry mentioned in BL-I-D.

CSH livestreams. I looove the acoustic sound. Do miss the other band members though. Lots of his covers have lead me to find new music as well.

Will Toledo's tumblr. I scrolled all the way to the bottom of it and i'm attempting to compile a playlist of every song he mentions on there.

Will Toledo's spotify monthly playlists. That funky guy is listening to soooo much welsh folk. This raises questions about what the possible new album will sound like, but I'm down for anything!

Andrew Katz's instagram reels. I love these funky little videos it's like a vine revival with all of our favorite band members.

Will Toledo's high school bands/comics. The Mr. Yay Okay facebook page is so blessed I love seeing shitty home video recordings of them playing with a Ouija board.

New friends! Shout out to the cool people on the 1td discord server. game nights are always hilarious

Pop culture references. I have been convinced to buy several books simply bc they were mentioned in a song or his tumblr. also I started NGE and I will eventually get to Twin Peaks.

That's all for now! I should be able to update as I find more stuff to deep dive into, and as my creative projects unfold. It's going to be a busy couple of months in my house though, as I prepare for college. If I end up switching hyperfixations before I complete anything, I must apologize. But I don't owe "you" anything. I say to my singular follower, cheezbot. Hi cheezbot.

#car seat headrest #cshr #csh #will toledo #infodump #1 trait danger

[eureka-its-zico]

Hiiiiiii, it's me, Gouda 🧀 anon, but I am not on anon! lol I sorted out my Trumblr from all the cringy shit from years ago finally so I don't have to be embarrassed what I have on here haha (I saw you said you've been on Tumblr since 2015, well I've been on here since probably 2009 and yeah... Had to go down the memory lane and it was a bit cringe 😂)

I saw your message that Chapter 4 will be posted tonight and the giddy feelings that I felt, boy oh boy... Could barely contain myself in my chair!

This has been such a lovely update! It was amazing to see more interactions between Doc and Zoro. And his POV is just *chef's kiss*. It really helps to see that there's more to each of them than the other sees. And honestly, Zoro is being stupid because he can fulfil his promise and still get Doc so... *side eye* lol

I am honestly so curious to see what you have planned going forward: with Doc and Straw Hats AND Doc and Zoro. And if you grace us with even more Zoro POV to see his inner battle - I will devour it 😂

Also, I have to say - him bringing the beer and him bringing back the flower as an apology were one of my favourite parts in this chapter. Especially this one:

What he wouldn’t tell you, is because they only grew at certain times and usually in the snow, it made them one of the most resilient flowers because they could grow under any conditions. 

ALSO, oh my God, this interaction in particular too:

“What do I gotta do to hear one of these world-famous Doc jokes?” He waited until his face was neutral to look back at you. Both hands rested on his swords as he watched you fill the bottle to the brim and place it securely inside your satchel.  “For that kind of service? You have to be dying.”

We know what happens later and now I will wait with baited breath for doesn't matter how many chapters to see whether Doc actually says that joke 😂

I also love the ending, the fact that Nami is considerate enough to offer for Doc something to wear. It's a small interaction though I would think that it gives them a small part to bond to some extent ❤

As always, an amazing update and I am so happy to see these two continue to bond, even if they are both acting silly now. Really curious and excited for the next part to see how Doc reacts to Sanji and maybe even how Zoro reacts if Sanji flirts with Doc?! 😂

I have so many feelings to this story, I have to admit, I read Chapter 3 five times. Then I went to read Chapter 2. And then I read all chapters from the first one before this update because I have an insane amount of brain rot for OPLA Zoro and it's been consuming me this week 😂🙃 Also, because it's been bringing me joy and making me smile at a time in my life where I'm feeling a bit lost.

Sending you so much love and thank you for the update. I had a shit week so this has been such a mood booster that it is hard to put it into words how much I appreciate you and how happy I am that I discovered you and Chaos in Their Bones.

Hope you're having a lovely weekend, Jenn ❤

Osiyo my Gouda 🧀 Nonnie turned to my cheesy!! I am so happy to hear from you! The fact you did an intense cleansing of your tumblr makes me feel like I should probably do the same BUT 2009, you say?!? My bestie started a tumblr around that time too, I believe. What was it like? Was it wild? Lol

It makes me so happy to know you enjoyed the updated chapter! I was honestly very nervous about it cause I wrote it starting yesterday around 5 pm and finished by roughly 9:30 am. I just knew that once Sanji was introduced the story was going to be a bit more hefty, per say. There is the drinking scene, and I wanted Doc and Nami to have some time together, because she deserves a good wholesome friendship, okay?!

I’m so glad you love Zoro’s POV! It always makes me nervous because he is such a moody baby, but also extremely devoted to keeping his word/promises. I thought it was important to show his side and struggle, because he is so devoted to fulfilling his promise that I can envision him being completely blinded by that determination. I mean, look how he responds to poor Nami 😩😩

Oh man, we know Sanji flirts with EVERY woman lol so flirting is definitely implied and I may or may not have already pre-written the dialogue for most of that scene 🤣

I cannot believe you’ve reread Chaos in Their Bones so many times! But also, I completely understand why you would after reading the rest of your message. It is an absolute honor and a privilege to be a part of something that is bringing you joy in a time when you feel like it is most needed. I always look forward to your reviews and to see how you liked chapters. It means a lot to me to see your 🧀 in my ask box. I am incredibly sorry this week wasn’t any good, but just know I am sending you lots of love and good vibes that hopefully next week is better than this one. Sending you virtual hugs and Much Love 🖤

#thecheesyreader #answered #Chaos in Their Bones review #I hope all is well hun #and thank you for letting my little story be a place of comfort for you #you humble my story more than it deserves #but I am so truly honored to be there for you when you need it #wishing you so much joy #now I’m gonna go be emotional now ok? #opla zoro

[cadmuslabs777]

Tagged by @who-is-a-heretic-now to name my five comfort characters!! 💝

1. Lex Luthor (Smallville): he is my number one boy, my sunshine, my silly little rabbit, my baby boy who did nothing wrong ever 🥺

2. Sylar/Gabriel Gray (Heroes): my dad and also literally me

3. Dexter Morgan (Books, mostly): the cool and fun uncle I've never had. Depressed dumbass. Not a single thought behind those eyes. Fueled by sarcasm.

4. Monday (OC) : Angel (literally), right-hand of my other OC Elizabeth. He is very mom and likes to bake cookies and takes care of people. Speaks very softly and likes to sing and play classic instruments. Might explode and do something bad if you push enough buttons. (He looks mostly like Paul Dano in that Sia Bird Set Free video that played on tours)

5. Elizabeth Gray (OC): The Mary Sue of All Time. Heir of the Christian God. Basically. I make her suffer a lot. Has a deep all consuming fear of being alone. Because of that she collects favorite living beings like a mother hen and keeps them warm under her wings. WILL explode planet earth if you hurt them. Looks like a female Gabriel Gray. Because, uh, that's his daughter. VERY TALL WOMAN. Very androgynous. Has great biceps.

That's it!! I'm not sure who to tag :/ maybe @lexkent and @thefieryeclipse ? Also if you're still out there @stripestheboar

#tag game

[orionsangel86]

Deciding I couldn't wait to listen to Act 2 of The Sandman on Audible, I decided to just jump in and read the comics instead. I have consumed them at a pace far quicker than I thought I was capable of and have finally reached the end of the Worlds End books. The Kindly Ones is next. I know whats coming, but I can't bring myself to read on. The end of Worlds End left me with such a deep feeling of dread and melancholy, just like the guy at the inn, looking up at the giants in the sky...

The end of Brief Lives hurt, but I don't think I'm gonna be able to make it through The Kindly Ones. I wanna storm into Destiny's garden, rip his stupid book from his hands and tear out all the pages.

These dumb comics made me fall in love with that silly emo boy endless dream king more than the show ever did. My brain has gone and Castiel-ified him and I HATE myself for it.

I can't read on. I've hit an impasse. I need the ending to change... how many times have I complained on here how much I loathe tragedies.

Sigh.

As someone who generally doesn't like comics, these comics are fucking superb. The story is SO beautifully crafted. This is next level story weaving and how could I have expected anything less from Neil Gaiman really? But I NEED him to change the ending.

***Spoiler alert***

The whole way through this story so far there has been this idea that those who resist change die, that those are your options: you must change, or you must die. There is all this foreshadowing about change or death, and there are all these hints to different paths taken and choices made, I wonder if Neil was in several minds about how the story would end whilst he was writing, and in the end, he chose the tragic path. Dream couldn't change enough to prevent his death, it even seems, from what I have read so far and what little I have spoiled myself, that perhaps he even welcomes his death? Now that just wont do.

I don't know all the details of what comes next, but I do know the ending, and I don't like it. The one thing I keep clinging to is Hob's last dream, and the hope that perhaps that means that Morpheus isn't actually dead at all, but just free of his duty, free of his role, and out there somewhere, with his brother, at peace and happy. (Yes I already spoiled myself and read the comics with Hob and everything from the Ren Faire through to the dream on the beach had me sobbing even though I didn't know what had happened before)

I am almost certain Sandman will get more seasons at Netflix (and if Netflix don't renew someone else will snap it up - hopefully HBO) so am sure there will be a point in the future when these later stories are adapted and my god I hope they do change it, somehow. Even if everything still happens to lead to his death, i would need more emphasis on Hob's dream to basically confirm that he was still "alive" somewhere, that he was free, that he was happy...

That's my wish. Until then, I will go immerse myself in ridiculously sappy happy fluffy fanfiction I think. Thank FUCK for fanfiction!

#the sandman #the sandman comics #sandman comic spoilers #my thoughts #this story is affecting me #i havent felt this deeply about a story in a melancholic way sincd spn #every other fandom has been happy and joyful #the sandman is a tragedy #i hate tragedies #and yet i adore this story #makes me think of hob complaining about the people changing king lear #honestly id be one of the people prefering the happy ending version #i know i would #dream can scoff all he wants #happy endings are better #or like poor bette #who just wanted to write happy stories #and give her customers happy lives #even if she was a bit homophobic for a while there #in the comics that is #and now john dees voice comes into my head #stories are only happy if you know where to stop #because otherwise they all end in death #and i curse neil gaiman for being such a mad genius #because hes RIGHT #but i dont have to be happy about it! #full circle

[bichelangelo]

i’m curious abt ur own tmnt lgbt headcanons if u don’t mind sharing

oh boy oh boy oh boy!

Hi :) I have different headcanons for every iteration, feel free to ask abt a specific one but I'll just list rise, 2012 & idw, since my lgbt hcs for those 3 stay somewhat consistent, while others shift a lot. oh & i’ll try to keep it down to the main group.

ah het hem...

Rise

i think Raph is a bi trans guy! (He/him)

Leo’s nonbinary (prefers just the Trans label) & bisexual (They/them)

Donnie is a trans demiboy, & he’s bi bi bi. (He/they)

I think Mikey‘s a queer kid but he’s just not all that interested in labels! He is who he is (He/him)

April’s a trans lesbian!! (She/her)

Sunita is a nonbinary trans girl & bi/pan (She/her)

I think Cassandra is a lesbo w/ a fucked up gender <3 (She/he/they)

& I think Splinter is so bisexual it’s not even fucking funny (He/him)

2012

Leonardo is nonbinary & genderfluid. gender indifferent most of the time, with a lil side of simultaneous boy / girl :) & they're bisexual, with a much stronger leaning towards girls. (They/them)

Raphael is agender & bi. Her not giving a single fuck about gender is so special 2 me. Especially when she meets Casey. (She/him)

Donnie is a demiboy & bi as well! (he probs refers to himself as heteroflexible or some shit) (He/him)

Mikey is genderfluid & gay(likes dudes) Having a fun & fucked up gender is a game & he's winning (She/he/they or any pronouns really)

I think Casey's genderfluid & pan! I think Casey validates & expands on like every single gender related thought & feeling of Raphael's & it most definitely aided Raph's transing of gender (He/she/they)

& April is a bi trans girl tbh! (She/her)

IDW

I think Leo is an aromanticflux bisexual & a nonbinary guy! (They/them)

Raph is a bi/pan trans guy w/ a preference for girls (He/they)

Donnie is a genderqueer bi guy! (She/he)

Mikey is bi & nonbinary (He/her)

April's a straight trans woman. (She/her)

I think Casey's a trans guy & bisexual. (He/him)

& Jennika is a nonbinary bisexual woman! (She/her)

OH FUK I forgot my girl Al... anyways Alopex is a bi trans demigirl (she/they/he)

soooo yeah :) I feel so silly typing it all out 😭 like fr first two rules of consuming fictional media. 1. Everybody bisexual. 2. Everybody transgender. I do not make these rules 🤷‍♀️ thanks 4 asking tho it's fun to talk abt these things

#honks #these thoughts bounce around in my brain all day like a screen saver