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crystal-snowing · 3 years

Text

forbidden fruit | lee felix

synopsis: you were told to stay away by your parents and the rest of society, but that was nearly impossible when he just looks so goddamn irresistible.

genre: enemies to lovers!au, gang!au, college!au, angst, fluff

pairing: rich!reader x gangster!felix

word count: 15.9k

warnings: slight violence, explicit language, mentions kidnapping

a/n: i’ve been thinking about writing a longer fic for quite some time now and i think i went a bit overboard on this one, but i hope you guys enjoy in nevertheless ! also special thanks to @crscendoforsung, mwah soro !

one.

If there was one thing that your parents warned you about, it was to stay away from Stray Kids, also known as the most prominent and dangerous gang in the city. This warning was drilled into your head ever since you were a young child, as you were told two things, to stay away from the south side of town and to never associate with known members of this gang. They were two simple rules to follow, and for the past nineteen years of your life, those were two simple rules to follow. And up until last year, you were proud to say that you have never seen or associated with one of those things. But that all changed in your senior year of high school. A new mayor was recently elected to govern the city and insisted on fixing the abnormal disparity between the extremely wealthy and the extremely poor, while this mostly included building new luxury apartment complexes and stores in the less fortunate side of town. However, there was one policy that enraged your parents and the rest of those on the privileged side of town—that the next school year, the mayor was taking eight students from the other side of town and having them enroll in your prestigious school system for the remainder of their educational journey.

No amount of protesting or defiance from your parents or the rest of the community could possibly persuade the mayor to change his mind, and just like that it was done, your entire world would be forever changed.

It was your first semester at college, and on top of that, it was also the first semester of for the new students to be admitted onto your side of town. That day was vividly etched in your memory, your parents helping you pack your bags into the car, hugging you goodbye and giving you a final reminder to not cause any trouble while you’re there. They didn’t need to say it, but you knew that the words were on the tip of their tongue. The essence of that phrase surrounded you and practically swallowed you, it was in the way they squeezed just a little too tightly or the way their gaze lingered on you a little too long as the car finally pulled out of the driveway and you waved goodbye.

This was your promise to them, and the only promise that you needed to keep—no matter the circumstances, you were not allowed to associate or be near any of those gang members.

However, you had to admit that there was some alluring about them. They were the talk of the entire campus, even among the freshmen class, the campus was alive with their arrival. Of course, they stood out from every other student on campus, and when they were walking it was the parting of the Red Sea, every other student making space (either out of fear or shock) to allow them to pass through. Dressed in all black, hoods on and masks covering their entire face except their eyes—they were the epitome of a notorious gang. Even though they passed by you for only a second, they had already piqued your interest, but you had made a promise and you were not willing to let some scum destroy everything that you and your parents have worked so hard for. You were determined and nothing was going to stand in your way, after going through twelve years of schooling and enduring the countless tutors and towers of textbooks, you worked your ass to get to where you are today. And you would be damned if you allowed a few lowlifes to stand in your way, after all, no matter how educated they become they wouldn’t be able to change the fact that they were nothing but garbage from the other side of town—in the end, they would never be able to change who they truly are.

That incident was only a small one in comparison to the many that happened that day. You had almost forgotten to remind yourself that it was also your first day of college as well, and soon the memory of early this morning was soon forgotten in the sea of other memories and experiences that happened the rest of that morning. The orientation was brief, the dean’s speech ending with a round of applause as the entire freshman class was soon released to go to classes and begin to adjust to the campus lifestyle. It was kind of stuffy and crowded inside the auditorium and you were glad that all the boring formalities were over and done with, finally you were able to go to your classes and escape the large mass of people. You stood from the velour red chair and your way outside, where the sunlight and the fresh air felt good against your skin after spending nearly two hours in the dark auditorium.

It was only when you made eye contact with one of them, did your heart really snap out of your dazed state. Your eyes were not fully adjusted to the bright sunlight and for a moment you could have been mistaken about who or what you could have seen, but you soon realized that there was no mistaking the all black clothes that he adorned or his slightly dyed strawberry blond hair. He was standing furthest from the group of three other boys that were also dressed from head-to-toe in the dark color, and while you could have chosen to make eye contact with any of the four boys, he stood out to you the most. And there it was again, this feeling of intrigue—attraction, as he stood less than seven feet away from you.

The two of you couldn’t have been staring at each other for more than a few seconds, when one of his friends slapped on the head, calling out his name and making a joke that you couldn’t really make out from where you were standing. Just like that, the spell was broken and as you glanced at your phone for the time, you realized that you were running late for class. You watched as his friends bid him goodbye before walking off in the opposite direction, and before you could believe that everything that happened in the past few seconds was just a dream, his warm brown eyes once again made eye contact with your own [E/C] eyes. Clearing your throat, you whipped your head around and immediately began walking away from the mysterious boy and towards your first class of the day, the object that was supposed to capture more of your attention compared to this insignificant delinquent. And while it was possible to convince yourself that the awkward encounter that just took place between you and that strawberry blond boy was nothing out of the ordinary, the reddening of your cheeks definitely told a different story.

It had only been a few minutes since you arrived in the lecture hall, while you were not the first one to enter, you certainly weren’t late which was honestly all that mattered to you. Taking out your phone, you decided to scroll through some of your social media pages in order to pass the time, and you were barely a minute into your Instagram feed when you felt a presence sit down next to you. Glancing up from your screen, you were met with a wall of black clothing. Upon a closer inspection, you could see that he was wearing a black leather jacket, a white cotton t-shirt, black jeans, and a black mask covering half of his face. His skin was pale, but had an entire galaxy of freckles that decorated his nose and cheeks, and his eyes were a warm shade of espresso brown.

“Excuse me?”

Sparing you only a glance, he pulled out his phone and tapped the screen, before pulling out one of his airpods before looking at you again, only then did you have his full attention. There was honestly no way to approach this without sounding rude, but you had no other choice, and honestly he happened to be quite fortunate that it was you giving him this lecture instead of other students, who wouldn’t hesitate to rip him to shreds compared to you who was doing your best to try at least be semi-polite and give him some useful advice in order to survive in this new world.

“There are tons of seats in this hall and I was wondering if you could maybe not sit next to me? Considering that we don’t know each other and how much I enjoy my personal space and I would appreciate it if you could maybe move a couple chairs down or maybe a whole another row—” your polite speech was interrupted by his low but hearty laugh, as he removed his face mask to reveal his plump pink lips.

“So let me get this straight, you want me to move my seat since you believe, and I quote, ‘am violating your personal space’?” he paused, cocking one of his eyebrows with a smirk sitting on his lips, “sweetheart, if it bothers you that much, how about you get up and move yourself?”

You were absolutely flabbergasted to say the least, and couldn’t believe that someone like him had the audacity to even suggest something like that to someone like you. His attention had refocused back on the device in front of him, and it was clear that by his demeanor that he wasn’t going to be moving any time soon and you were stuck next to him for the remainder of class. This left you with two options, either move and give him the satisfaction of successfully bullying you into submission or stay exactly where you are and stand your ground against a brat like him. And with a small huff, you released your grip on your bag and the rest of your belongings before crossing your arms and focusing on your phone once again. There was no way in hell were you going to give this asshole the satisfaction of seeing you pissed off, instead you stood your ground and watched as the professor finally stood at the center of the room and quieted the class down in order to begin his introduction.

And for the rest of the class out of the corner of your eyes, you couldn’t help but see that smirk envelop the lips of the boy sitting next to you, the very sight of it making your blood boil and your face flushed. Whoever this boy was you were certain of only one thing, he was nothing but an arrogant prick.

two.

The cafe across the street from your dorm has become one of your favorite places on the entire campus, especially when you needed to study. Not only did they have the best drinks on campus, the pastries were to die for, and every time you walked through the doors you were reminded of that as the sweet smell of cinnamon and sugar filled your nose. Cafe 4419 was never too noisy nor was it ever too quiet, the lo-fi playlist and soft murmur from the patrons made it one of your favorite sanctuaries to stay apart from your dorm.

While it was only a few weeks into college, half of the first semester has already flown by and you were practically swimming in essays, projects and studying for upcoming tests. Which is how you found yourself here, spending almost every waking second at the cafe with your favorite drink by your side and piles of textbooks and papers towered around you. Anybody passing by would have immediately assumed that it was finals season, instead of simply being just an ordinary test during the first semester. But you were serious about your academics and grades, and you were not about to let something ruin your concentration that you had going for you.

This was the one place where you could also find an escape from those people. Everywhere else around campus that you seemed to find yourself, it was only a matter of minutes before you were humbly graced with their presence. They seemed to be everywhere and the only two places on campus where you seemed to be safe from them was your own dorm room and this cafe. In a way it sort of is your sanctuary, one of the few places where you didn’t have to see their depressing black clothing, scowling faces or even hear about their very being. Instead, it was just you, your textbooks, notes, and computer—the way it should be, and you were experiencing nothing but pure bliss.

And that moment was completely shattered, when the screech of the stool across the wooden floors next to you and the slamming of an iced coffee of some sort onto the table.

Glaring up at the perpetrator, you weren’t surprised to be faced with a wall of black clothing, including the infamous leather jacket. As your eyes traveled higher up, you were finally met with a pair of brown eyes and a cocky expression looking down on you. Him. The same boy who had the audacity to sit right next to you during your first lecture, currently has the audacity to interrupt your precious study time. His appearance was practically unchanged since the last time you saw him less than a week ago, his strawberry blond hair was a bit more faded than before but his irises still sparkled with that same mischievous and playful glint.

“Fancy running into you here,” he smirked, moving to sit down next to you. His thigh was quick to press up against your own, as you flinched—moving your leg away as if you were being burned. He didn’t acknowledge your actions, instead his eyes seemed to be locked onto your own, scanning over your facial features as if he was studying and reading your every move and expression.

“What do you want?”

He put his hands in surrender attempting to show you that he means no harm and that he’s not a threat, but with that sparkle in his eyes and that sly expression never leaving his face.

“I know we kind of started off on the wrong foot, but I was hoping that we could fix that” he paused, stretching out his hand, “I’m Lee Felix,” he introduced himself with a wink. It was nice to finally put a name to the face, but in all honesty, you didn’t really give a damn about what his name was or were you curious about what he wanted from you. Apparently, it was too much for you to ask him to leave you alone, either that or he was too dense to get the hint.

“Alright, Felix, as much as I enjoyed resolving that little issue, I’m extremely busy. So, if you wouldn’t mind?”

Shooting him one final glare, you assumed that this was the end of the conversation between the two of you, and all you needed to do was to wait for him to leave and refocus back on the mountains of papers in front of you. However, you were naive to think that this was the end of your conversation, and as far as you could tell with Lee Felix, he always needed to have the last word.

‘You know, my feelings were deeply hurt the day we met, and I think it’s only fair for you to make it up to me,” something in his tone of voice shifted causing you to whip your head in his direction and away from the studyguide in front of you. This should have been a major red flag, a glaring neon sign starring right in front of you, but you would be lying if you didn’t say that he intrigued you. Perhaps it was your upbringing, or maybe it was the incessant warnings about people like him, you weren’t sure—the only thing you knew in that moment, for once in your life, he had your undivided attention. “My grades are kind of slipping and in order to keep this scholarship and stay at this ‘prestigious’ school they need to be a bit higher,” he paused before flashing you a blinding smile, “so I was thinking that you could tutor me and we could really spend some more time getting to know one another,” he finished before ending his proposal with a wink.

You had to give it to him, the dirtbag had guts.

The confidence and ego that seemed to ooze out of him was unbelievable and it was hard to believe that people like him still existed. And just like that, you were once again uninterested in the boy sitting in front of you.

“Is that all? I think you already know my answer to that question, now if you could excuse me,” rolling your eyes, you wave him off with a dismissive flick of your wrist. Of course, you should have expected that this wasn’t all that he had planned, he wasn’t known for being a quitter especially when it came to people like you. The two of you were more similar than either of you cared to realize and unbeknownst to you, Lee Felix was determined not to walk out here without having your number in his back pocket and a promise that you were going to see him again. Instead, he did what he did best—completely disregard what he’s been told and follow his instincts.

“Think about this for a moment, the infamous and obviously talented child of the [L/N] refusing to help a poor and unfortunate boy like me, surely that won’t make a great impression on the professors or even the media once they catch word of this,” he shrugged letting the weight of words sink in. You hated to admit it, but he was right. Your family was powerful, but in exchange for that power, every single thing that you did was scrutinized—your daily lives constantly under the microscope. While it was considerably bad press to be seen around people like him, especially with the amount of warnings that you received from your parents as well as other members in the community, there was no denying that it was perhaps even worse press for you to completely ignore and reject him. “It’s really up to you, princess/prince.”

You had no choice, and he knew it.

“Fine, I’ll tutor you,” you turned away from him for a second to grab a pen before scribbling your phone number on a piece before ripping it off and handing it to him. Before he could take it from your hand, you snatched the piece of paper from out of his reach. “Just letting you know, I’m not doing this for you. Meet me at the library on Friday and make sure you’re not late.”

Grabbing the slip of paper out your hand, and his drink in the other, he stood and made his way towards the door. You couldn’t help but watch him go, a frown present on your face. With a final wink, he was gone and out the door, and you could finally relax and relieve all the tension that was built up in your shoulders. Mentally scolding yourself, you wondered how the hell you even ended up in a situation like this, in a matter of only weeks you managed to break the only promise to your parents and somehow make acquaintances with one of the very people that you swore to hate.

At this point it was useless to try and study, there was no way that you could possibly study after a distraction like that. Gathering your materials, before haphazardly shoving them into your bag, and grabbing your drink and walking out of the cafe door. The weather was transitioning between autumn and winter, the brisk air blew against your face as you walked, your mind replaying everything that happened within the span of a few minutes.

Scoffing to yourself, you shook your head as you made your way back to your dorm. Fine, if Lee Felix wanted to make an enemy out of you, then so be it, and from this day forward you were determined to make his life a living hell.

three.

After sitting in the library for almost half an hour, you were about a millimeter away from losing your shit. As usually the library was pretty quiet and the only noises that could be heard were the faint rustling of papers and the dull hum of the heater. You had threatened him not to be late, and you had even promised him that you would leave if he was even a minute late, but somehow you found yourself sitting at one of the many wooden tables in the gigantic library tapping your pencil impatiently. You should leave, that much was obvious, but there was some part of you that was holding onto hope that he was going to show. Standing up, you scolded yourself for being so foolish, you were smarter than this—you were smarter than him—but somehow you allowed yourself to end up in this situation, again.

“Sorry I’m late, princess/prince, I got caught up with a few things.”

You didn’t even hear him approach, but as you turned around you were met with his figure. It seemed like his entire wardrobe was composed of only dark clothing, his outfit pretty much the same as it was less than four days ago. The only difference was the gold chain that he adorned around his neck, which was a stark contrast compared to his black clothing. He noticed how your eyes seemed to be drawn to the flashy object, before he quickly placed the object underneath his shirt and cleared his throat. However, there was something different about his appearance than before, his hair was a bit messier and tousled than usual, his skin glistened and was a bit more flushed, and there were visible red or pink marks that littered his neck.

Oh.

That realization finally seemed to draw you from your daze, as you stared back at him, your steely [E/C] eyes met his mahogany ones. Under your gaze his eyes seemed to soften a bit and it wasn’t until he saw your arms crossed against your chest did he realize the gravity of his mistake.

“You’re late,” you practically growled, “if you’re not going to take this seriously then fine, I told you not to waste my time and if you’re going to be a piece of—”

Felix’s hard and once impenetrable exterior was suddenly cracked by the fierceness and fire that shone in your eyes, only then did he feel some sort of small pang inside his hair. This was an entirely foreign feeling to him, and even stranger was that you were the one causing him to feel this way. For his entire life he has been dealing with people like you, those that dripped with wealth and decadence, but he knew that there was a hidden evil within them. The facade was only a ploy to distract from the devil inside of them—they were malicious, unforgiving, monsters that from day one have done nothing but persecute people like him. People like him were rendered powerless against the people like them, kicked to the desolate part of town and condemned to live a life of misfortune and suffering. Felix knew exactly what to say that would make your blood boil, that would aggravate you till you wouldn’t be able to stand the mention of his name, he knew exactly what to do to make you despise him even more, and yet his mouth and words failed him.

For once, he didn’t know what to say, so he instead slammed his books down on the table—the sound echoing in the almost silent library. A sound like that was bound to have repercussions, and the glares and disgusted looks you received was enough to force you into submission. You should have just walked out of the door, but going against your better judgement and rationale, you decided to stay. Sitting down, you pulled the textbooks and notebooks from your bag as Felix sat next to you taking out his own materials. Flipping the book to the first page, you pointed at the first problem.

“Let’s start with this problem first and make sure you show all your work,” you gestured to the first of many problems in the workbook, “oh, and if you’re ever late again because of some dick appointment, I’ll make sure that every single person on this campus knows how small that four inch dick of yours really looks like.”

After that, the two of you seemed to fall into a comfortable rhythm. There was minimal talking between the two of you, coming to the mutual agreement that you were only here for one purpose and one purpose only. But, just because he stopped bickering with you for once didn’t necessarily make your job any easier. There wasn’t really any nice way to put it, but he was horrible at everything. It was expected of course, unlike the other students that attended the prestigious JYP University he didn’t need to pass the rigorous entrance exam nor did he need extremely high grades in high school. You had your work cut out for you, but you weren’t one to back down from a challenge. But that didn’t mean that Felix was going to make it easy on you.

While you have tutored other students in the past before, you could safely say that none of them were quite like Lee Felix. Never have you met someone so unmotivated and lazy. He was the one who was practically begged for your help, and now he’s sitting here with his head resting against his arm absentmindedly doodling in the margins of the book.

“Look, if you’re not going to take this seriously then what are we even doing here? You’re just wasting my time and your own,” you huffed, tapping your pen harshly against the workbook to stir the strawberry blond from his thoughts. “At least you could pretend to do the work that I’m assigning you, instead of blatantly ignoring everything I say.”

That grabbed his attention, as he sat up straighter and stretched his arms over his head as he rolled his eyes. “That’s easy for you to say when you’ve had everything handed to you all of your life. I bet you don’t even understand what it’s like to have to work hard for something, princess/prince,” he scoffed. Your head snapped in his direction, his words echoing in your head.

What the fuck did he just say to you?

“You think I’ve had it easy, well newsflash, princess/price, you’re not the only one whose had a hard life. Yes, privilege does exist but don’t you even think for a damn second that I haven’t worked in order to get here to this university. Just because you were admitted on a scholarship and without taking the entrance exam, doesn’t mean that it was the case for everybody,” you huffed as you stood up, causing an abrupt noise as the chair slid against the wooden floors. “My parents used their money to buy their way through life, but there is only so much money can buy. And if you really think that I bought my way into the school, then why did you even ask me to tutor you in the first place?”

Your last outburst received the nastiest glares from the other students around the both of you, and if looks could kill you would have been dead over ten times over. But at the moment you couldn’t care less, this was your final farewell—your final “go-fuck-yourself” to Lee Felix so you could finally be rid of this parasite. With the last slam of your chair, you turned away from the male and made your hasty escape towards the exit of the library.

If you ever saw him again before the year was over, it would be too soon.

four.

This year was probably the year of firsts for Lee Felix, in addition to meeting you he was also beginning to experience these foreign emotions that came along with you. In no way shape or form was he a bully, instead he often had some certain choice words for those that exhibited egotistical and arrogant qualities—and in his defense, they were usually the ones who started it. He was known for his unforgiving nature, after all, there was no way he could live the lifestyle he did without being this way. This feeling of guilt and regret was new for him, in his opinion what he said to you wasn’t even the worst thing to make it past those lips, yet the look of fiery passion and hurt that was written across your features was enough to make him think twice. He felt apologetic, even though he practically spits poison every day to people like you, something about you attracted him, pulled him in and made you different.

That being said, he was horrible at apologizing.

Which was why when you could feel a presence next to you during the next lecture, you didn’t even bat an eyelash. Nor did you even dare to look at him as he slammed something down on your desk, before turning away and mumbling to himself. Upon further inspection, you found a Coke can sitting untouched and unopened with a note taped to the front with two simple words written on it.

I’m sorry.

Rolling your eyes, you glanced to the right where you knew he would be sitting with some of his other friends. They were always the ones making the most noise in the class, treating the lecture as a study hall instead of an opportunity for growth and maturation. You could spot three of them easily, their freshly dyed hair sticking out sorely in the sea of neutral colors. They were too far away for you to tell what they were talking about, but their gleeful expressions and smiles etched on their faces probably meant that they were up to no good. You could spot Felix immediately, he distanced himself from his group of friends. While he still engaged in the conversation, he was passive, his brown eyes dull as his mind seemed to be elsewhere.

This was the first time that you have seen the fire extinguished from his eyes, and he looked so goddamn pitiful. As if he could sense your eyes, his face turned to meet yours, his eyes catching you red-handed. His expression was complex, to say the least. On the one hand, all traces of remorse and regret seemed to disappear completely and was replaced with another emotion that you couldn’t read. Furiously you turned away from him, your cheeks dusted with a pink hue. Thankfully, before he could manage to approach you the professor entered at the front of the room and began the lecture, your thoughts now becoming full of Shakespeare’s prose and the impact of foil characters in Romeo and Juliet, leaving no room to worry about that imbecile.

You had to admit, Lee Felix definitely did have some charms. If he didn’t have something at least, then there would be no reason why you found yourself sitting next to him in this empty lecture hall, the both of you sprawled over notebooks and countless works of Shakespeare at your disposal. You should be mad at him, furious even, he was nothing but a good-for-nothing gangster who had the audacity to insult you—but here you were, crawling back to him. But, even through his shitty apology you somehow found it hard to stay away. He was dangerous, the closest thing that you had to breaking the rules and to give him up would be bringing your life back to normalcy—uneventful, boring and you would be damned if you ever had to give him up and return to life before. As infuriating as he was, he came into your life like a whirlwind and while at times he made your life a living hell, you kind of enjoyed his presence.

Of course you were wary about tutoring him again, but your fear was soon quelled by the fact that his personality seemed to have done a complete flip from the day before. Not only was he attentive, but it just goes to show that if he would just sit down and put his ego in check for a second, then maybe he actually had a chance at succeeding at this school. With his eyebrows furrowed and his mouth nibbling softly on his lower lip as his hand moved quickly across the paper to solve the problem. His hair would continually fall in front of his eyes as he concentrated, and he kept swiping at it every so often. Your hand itches to reach away and brush away those stray locks, but you refrain yourself from doing so, instead opting to pick at your sleeve as you admired his expression.

“It’s getting late,” your voice sounded foreign against the silence, those three words being the first thing you have said to him in the past few hours. “Maybe we should call it a night, and continue next week.” He nodded, prying his eyes away from the rows of words in front of him, helping you gather your materials into one place and pack them into your bag. Wordlessly, you both pushed in your chairs before exiting the lecture hall together.

The walk outside was silent, while the previous argument didn’t necessarily still hang in the air, it’s presence was still made apparent due to the wall of tension between the two of you. The campus was softly being illuminated by the streetlights that littered the property, aided slightly by the moonlight that seemed to cast the entire scenery in a different light. There was something different about the university when the sun went down, while it certainly wasn’t a ghost town (the constant parties on campus made sure of that) it made the campus look almost softer and whimsical in a sense. The ancient buildings that were used as classrooms during the day time had transformed into castles, the streets practically shining when the moonlight sparkled on them and you—you felt as if you could rule it all.

You both stopped in front of a sleek black Harley Davidson, the motorcycle in pristine condition and didn’t have a single scratch on it. There was no denying how expensive this was, and for once it looked as if he actually belonged at this school with a ride like that. You knew this was where the two of you were meant to part ways. For you, it was back to the dormitories—hopefully being able to sneak in before room check and for him, back to his other life, doing whatever misfits like him do best by causing mischief and mayhem in the dead of night.

This was your cue to leave, turn on your heels and rush back to your dorm room, but you couldn’t help but stand there and watch him. Felix looked absolutely ethereal in the moonlight, his tan skin glowing and eyes sparkling—and you were entranced, watching him unclip the helmet from the handlebars of his motorcycle and holding it in his hands There was this unknown tightening in your chest, this foreign hitch in your breath, your hands growing clammy as the seconds continued to pass on.

“Here, put this on. I like to think that I’m a safe driver, but safety first,” his voice calls out to you, before the black helmet was tossed your way. Fumbling with the object for a few seconds, you finally caught it as your brain finished rebooting. As you looked down at the helmet, and back at him you were at a loss of words. “Well, are you coming or not? I don’t have all day, princess/prince.”

His head was cocked to the side, and while his words had a bit of bite to them, his expression is playful. You were supposed to be the rational one in this situation, and the “correct” answer was clearly staring you right in the face. You were old enough to take care of yourself, and you certainly didn’t need a dollar-store version of a knight in shining armor to take you home.

“I can make it back on my own, thanks for the offer—”

It took him two strides in order to make it over to you and a total of ten seconds to get you on the bike. Two seconds in order to yank the helmet out of your hands, three seconds to secure it on your head, three seconds to pull you onto the vehicle behind him and two seconds to wrap your arms loosely around his waist.

“Hold on tight.”

That was the last thing he uttered to you, before he revved the engine and the two of you sped off into the night. At this rate, it was too late to even think about getting off unless you wanted to seriously injure yourself. Instead, you opted for clinging onto his body and pressing yourself flat against his back as you held on for dear life. Immediately, you could feel your heart sink to the pit of your stomach the moment the vehicle started, the wind practically making you deaf as the scenery of campus whipped around you in a blur. Yes, you were scared, after all you were riding around on a death trap with a boy that you barely know and who was currently in control of your life. Despite all of these factors, there was something exhilarating about riding with Felix. The feeling of your hair whipping around you, speeding through the empty streets of campus and the faint smell of sandalwood and lemon that emitted from him was intoxicating. And it was safe to say that you were drunk off this feeling.

By the time Felix pulled in front of your dorm room, you were still buzzed and your senses were working over time trying to process everything around you. It wasn’t long before reality washed harshly over you, removing your arms from his toned waist and scrambling off the bike, the helmet still sitting lop-sided on your head. Your whole body was aflame, every place where you made contact with him was burning and your heart was beating painfully loud against your chest.

“Thanks for the ride,” you muttered, clearing your throat, avoiding eye contact with him. He didn’t say anything in return, instead placing the break down on the motorcycle and walking over to you. His fingers brushed against your face as he unclipped the helmet, which sent a new wave of heat to rush to your cheeks, before he took the safety gear off you and tucked it under his arm. If you had blinked, you might have missed the way his eyes flitted over your lips, as he unconsciously licked his lips before turning on his heel and making his way back to his vehicle.

The only evidence that this wasn’t a dream and was real life was the faint smell of gasoline and the roar of a motorcycle in the distance, signalling his departure.

five.

Over the next few weeks, the two of you have met at the university’s cafe between eight and ten times for the purpose of studying. Granted, you both were studying (only because Felix knew you would have his head if he didn’t concentrate) but there was this underlying reason why you both kept coming back. His presence was like a drug, addicting and thrilling, and you couldn’t keep away. Both of you were chasing that high, the overwhelming feeling of euphoria and you were both relentless in reaching your goal. It started that night that he dropped you off at your dorm, and ever since then you’ve been hooked. His lips didn’t even manage to touch yours, and you were quite disappointed at this fact, but you weren’t going to let him go that easily, no if he wanted you to work for it, then so be it. And that’s how you found yourself, practically slaving away over textbooks all for him.

It has become a ritual for the two of you to linger outside of his lecture hall on exam day. He would always pick you up from your dorm that morning and take you to his classroom, where you would both wait until the very last second before leaving his presence. Time with him was precious, it was fleeting and you always wanted to spend just a second longer with him. He looked gorgeous in the sunlight as it tangled itself up in his locks of hair, bouncing off his dewy tan skin before capturing his entire body in its rays. A cup of coffee always in his left hand, while his right held onto a packet of stapled papers, his messy scrawling decorated the pages and there were a few places where your neat handwriting made an appearance as he recited some facts off the sheets.

“So, the whole point of having Fortinbras and just mentioning him in the play is to be a foil character for Hamlet?”

“Sort of, remember Fortinbras was also trying to take over Denmark as revenge for Hamlet murdering his father,” you reminded him, shaking your finger gently in front of his face. There was a teasing expression written on your face, and he returned it with a sneer of his own. You both stopped a couple of feet in front of the entrance of the classroom as he took the stack of papers before smacking his forehead with them, a groan escaping his lips.

“I give up, how about we ditch this exam and instead I’ll treat you to your favorite pastries at that bakery down the block,” he suggested, lifting the papers away from his face and giving you a dazzling smile. On any other person, by this point they would be putty in his hands and he would easily be able to have his way with them. But you knew better, and for the most part you would like to think that you were immune to his charms.

“Are you trying to bribe me, Felix?”

Your eyes narrowed at his choice of words with one eyebrow raised, but a teasing smirk was dancing across your lips. Rolling his eyes in your direction, he placed his hands up as if he was surrendering as a small chuckle escaped his lips.

“Me? I would never!” Sarcasm dripped off every word that he spoke, turning away you as he refocused his attention back on the study guide in front of him as a look of disgust overcame his features. “I want to know, how likely is it that you’ll still associate with me even after I fail this test, because the odds are currently not in my favor.”

There was something about his tone of voice that seemed to throw you off a little bit. Yes, he was still trying to keep the conversation with you as playful as possible, but you could hear the slight undertone of insecurity and doubt in his voice. He was genuinely worried about this test and it showed. It was quite an odd sight to witness, the boy who weeks before didn’t care about anything except annoying the crap out of you was worried about something as mundane as a test.

“Hmm, well if you fail this exam then I’m not sure we can be friends anymore,” you slyly spoke, “you know, I don’t associate myself with losers.”

The word “friends” caused something to bloom inside his chest, a warm feeling spreading throughout his entire body. Honestly, he’s never really thought to put a definition on your relationship, sure the two of you have spent a lot time together the past few weeks to study and cram for this exam, but everything wasn’t exactly business related. There were times during those sessions where you would both chuck erasers and pencils at each other, making fun of each other’s favorite foods and having conversations that were far from the original topic of the works of William Shakespeare. He enjoyed your presence, and liked having you around, and if being your friend meant that he could continue standing by your side then so be it.

“I’m a loser? Says the one who literally spends all their time studying and didn’t know how to let loose until I showed you how—your definition of ‘fun’ was spending four hours isolated at the library reading about the influential aspects of Renaissance paintings in modern art,” Felix countered, thinking back fondly on the memory.

The two of you continued to playfully bicker even after entering the lecture hall, only managing to quiet down as soon as the professor began administering the test. You finished a lot quicker than he did, and you could see his pained expression as he continued to struggle with the assignment for the next hour. The class was silent, students either leaving after the examination was completed or were sitting quietly on their phones waiting for the rest of the class to finish the exam, and with everyone mostly distracted it gave you a good excuse to admire him from afar. His face was contorted with a whole bunch of different emotions running through his features, and while you were considering helping him on at least one problem, it would violate your code of ethics—not to mention that he was a big boy, and you were confident that he could manage by himself.

It was another forty minutes before he finished, standing up with a visible frown on his face as he handed the test back to the professor before making his way back to you. Both of you walked out the classroom side-by-side and in silence, and as you exited the building you began to notice the worry that seemed to have etched itself into his face. Slapping him lightly on the bicep, you brought him out of his stupor and flashed him a smile that seemed to calm his racing heart for now.

“Relax, let’s go to the cafe down the street to get your mind off this test. Remember, I accept bribes in the form of anything that has caffeine or is sugary and sweet,” you suggested, looping your arm with his and tugging him towards the building.

And for about half an hour, that seemed to do the trick. The test was soon forgotten as he watched you devour a cinnamon bun, and drink at least two cups of coffee as you both chatted aimlessly about miscellaneous things. It wasn’t until he was walking you back to your dorm and he heard a ping! from his cellphone did the worrisome thoughts come flooding back in.

“95, huh I knew the professor was going to drop that question,” you shrugged, glancing down at your phone, before pocketing it. As you looked back on his figure, you could see his face fall slightly behind the phone, and you knew this meant bad news. “Come on, it can’t be that bad.”

Felix tugged the phone out of your reach, holding it over his head as you came closer and stood underneath him. The two of you were only a few inches apart, and you could practically hear his heart hammering in his chest, and the warmth from his breath as he towered over you.

“Promise you won’t get mad,” a small but playful pout sat on his lips as he continued to hold the phone out of your reach. Rolling your eyes, you continued to jump and try to reach the phone, but since he was taller than you it was pretty much impossible for you to reach. “Hmm, an 80 isn’t that terrible for studying is it?”

It was back, his signature cocky smirk that repulsed yet attracted you at the same time, flitting across his lips. With your mouth agape, you weren’t sure what you were supposed to be feeling at the moment. All you were aware of was the surge of undistinguishable emotions that flooded your body and before you could even begin to process what was going on, your arms somehow find their way around his waist with your head resting against his chest. His entire body stiffened up at your touch and you could feel his heart racing against your ear, your heart beating at the same speed. Only a few seconds seemed to pass, before you could feel his hands on your body, they were tentative at first, but soon held you with as much strength as you gripped his body.

There it was again, a few seconds late and you would have missed it. Despite the redness in your cheeks and the overwhelming amount of embarrassment that radiated off of you, your eyes glanced up to meet his own, watching as they tentatively flitted over your lips. He seemed unsure of himself, deciding whether he really wanted to follow through with his actions, and in that split second he decided to risk it all, casually leaning in—hoping to close the already short space between your bodies.

They are nothing but worthless nobodies and they will bring you nothing but trouble. Promise me, you’ll stay as far away as possible from them, please.

In an instant, your body untangled itself from his, your breath ragged and your eyes darting everyone except his face. He stood there dumbfounded, he wanted to reach out to you, to ask what he did wrong—was he misinterpreting the signals, imagine the chemistry between the two of you, did he make a mistake? You barely had enough brain power to focus on him as you could feel your heart crumbling inside of your ribcage, your breath coming out in short spurts as you struggled to regain control over the situation at hand. You couldn’t recognize yourself anymore, the person that you have become after attending the university for a few measly months and you have already strayed so far from where you started. But this wasn’t the type of growth that you could be proud of, fraternizing with the enemy, the same enemy that you were warned countless times before to stay away from.

This was wrong—everything was wrong. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this, your life wasn’t supposed to come to this point as you stood here as living proof of everything that your parents despised. But, you weren’t that far from salvation. You had been delusional for months, and it was about time that you started making amends. Whatever thing that you had with him was now over, and it was about time that you began living the life that your parents wanted you to have, free from parasites and monstrosities like him.

Muttering some sort of excuse, you backed away from him before taking off back to your dorm, leaving in your wake a bewildered heartbroken (although he would never admit it) Lee Felix in your wake.

six.

You have successfully managed to avoid him for three days, but you knew that was just luck. He knew your schedule like the back of his hand, you have told him a numerous amount of times where you were throughout the day and well, old habits die hard. Honestly, if he really wanted to find you he would have done it already, but he was being a gentleman and giving some personal space to let you calm down before the confrontation happened. You were grateful in a sense, you needed this time to reflect on what an utter disaster you have become. This has gone on for too long, what started off as bringing some joy and excitement to your dull life has spiraled out of control. You lost yourself in the process, fading to the background as this unrecognizable version has taken center stage. What would your parents say if they saw you like this, completely different from the child they raised you to become, fraternizing with the enemy and sympathizing with the same scum they told you to avoid for your entire life.

Regret oozed through your entire being and you wished that you could take back everything that has happened. You should have turned him down that fateful day, rejected him cold-heartedly in the cafe, and let the rumors come about you and your family—the outcome would have probably been better than your current reality. While you couldn’t go back and change the past, you could instead work on mending the future, which is why you thrusted yourself back into your studies at full force. There was no place for distractions where you’re heading, and you assumed it would be easy to surround yourself with other intellectuals that shared your same passion and drive.

This would prove more difficult than you originally assumed. The atmosphere on campus has changed completely, and to put it frankly, you were being avoided like the fucking plague. Every time you walked past a group of students, you could hear the hushed whispers and feel the glares being directed your way. Obviously, they were smart enough not to say their comments loud enough for you to hear or for you to catch them staring, as they looked away as soon as you even turned your head in their direction. Even some of your friends, the same ones that you’ve known perhaps your entire life would even spare a glance in your direction. You could even feel the glares from some of the members of Stray Kids, and while you were not necessarily on speaking terms with them, it didn’t give them an excuse to be rude with you.

You did your best to ignore the lingering looks and comments throughout the day, but as you strolled out of your last class of the day, you couldn’t stand it any longer. In particular, there was a group of girls that you have practically known all of your life, ever since elementary school, who had the audacity to mutter your name and laugh as you walked by—and that was your breaking point. You were usually a patient person and usually weren’t quick to rush to judgement, but this was the last straw. Rolling up your sleeves, you marched up to them with a scowl written across your face..

“If you have a problem with me you should say something to my face instead of talking shit behind my back, you fucking cowards,” you hissed, crossing your arms in front of your chest as you glared at them. Two of the girls mumbled something under their breath, tugging at the sleeves of the main girl in the center. But, she wasn’t intimidated by you, instead she took a step forward till your faces were only a couple inches apart.

“[L/N] [Y/N], long time no see. Where’s that boyfriend of yours, is he off robbing some banks?” her voice was shrill as she hissed out that insult. Her behavior was typical, and while she appeared to act condescending and superior towards you, her true emotions were written as plain as day across her face—she was jealous. It was in the way her rhetorical question had that unnecessary sharpness curled at the end of words or the way the scowl on her face was a little more prominent than it needed to be. In all honesty, you couldn’t blame her. As much as you didn’t want to admit it, Lee Felix was quite an attractive person, but that was all besides the point. He wasn’t yours to begin with and whatever relationship the two of you had was now nonexistent, so it didn’t matter how pretty you find his face.

“He’s not my boyfriend, so if you could kindly back the—” you huffed, readjusting the stack of papers and textbooks in your arms.

“Whatever, look we don’t mean any harm, honestly we’re just worried about you, honey. I mean, you’ve heard the rumors about people like them, they’re dangerous and we’re just worried about you getting in harm's way,” you could see the way the glint in her eyes seemed to return after you confirmed that were in fact not dating Felix. The fake sincerity in her voice was piercing to your ears, and you wanted nothing more than to get rid of her and stop her from prying into your personal life. “Plus, what would you parents say if they see you hanging out with someone like him?”

So that’s what this about, this was the entire underlying reason why, this is why she decided to pick a fight with you. Of course, everything was about power, it always is with someone like her and her family—the Moon family was always power-hungry gremlins. For many years your family has sort of allied itself with the Moons, not by choice, but just because of circumstances. You have known her your entire life, and up until this point you have always known her to be jealous of everything that you had. And now, it was no different, she always wanted what she couldn’t get her hands on, and everything in your life was currently on the menu.It was the typical story, she wanted to use him for what she did best, flirting with danger—like your parents, hers would practically disown her if they found out she was fooling around with someone with low status like him, but the thrill and the temptation was too great to pass up. It was all for the thrill, and some desire was too strong.

Oh did you have some choice words for her, but it seemed like your voice failed you felt a warm hand envelop your wrist. Whipping around you were once again met with an eyeful of black clothing that obscured your vision. The heat radiating off of him was almost suffocating, and you struggled to catch your breath around him. With a final glare in the direction of the trio, he tugged your wrist and your body followed as he dragged you away from the trio of girls. The two of you rounded the corner to one of the Biology lecture halls, before you finally grasped control of yourself and shook off his hold from your body.

You were your own independent person meaning that you could definitely handle yourself, and definitely didn’t need someone like him to save you. There was an unreadable expression written across his features, as you cradled your burning wrist to your chest. Neither of you dared to speak a word, the awkward silence was deafening, both of your eyes were diverted towards the ground distracted by the concrete sidewalks. You needed to get out of there, as far away as you could manage and while you didn’t want to be the one to break the silence, you knew it was necessary unless you wanted to prolong your time spent in his presence.

“Thanks for you know, everything that you did back there, but I was handling things on my own.”

You still couldn’t look him in the eyes, knowing that you would break if that ever happened. Instead, you opted to look straight ahead, finding some interesting looking trees that stood out behind him. His scoff startled you slightly, causing you to quickly look at his face before diverting your eyes once more.

“Whatever you say, princess/prince. I’m sure you could have managed just fine on your own,” he rolled his eyes. That statement that ignited a fire within you, your face flushed and your palms growing sweaty as you balled them up into fists.

“What do you mean by that?” you hissed, in an instant your eyes locked with his own—and your expression immediately softened. His demeanor also seemed to soften under your gaze, and he hesitantly approached your figure, till only a couple of inches stood between the two of you. But, you weren’t going to let him get away with it that easily. As you attempted to take a step back, his hand grabbed your wrist suddenly, stopping your body from moving away from him any further. “Hey, look, I’m serious, I’m not some damsel in distress that constantly needs saving. I can take care of myself and I don’t need you constantly babysitting me, like I’m some child because I—”

With two steps the distance between the two of you closed, his face leaned and before you knew it, his lips were pressed against your own. He tasted like caramel with a bit of a smokey flavor, not quite like barbeque and not quite like cigarettes, perhaps something in between. His lips were slightly chapped against your own, but the kiss itself was gentle, his hands placed gingerly on your hips as he pulled you against his body. He was a fantastic kisser, by the way, every direction that his lips moved in and the way he was holding you made you practically putty in his hands as you melted into his touch. Soon, the need for oxygen was too great, the two of you breaking apart as the only sounds that could be heard were the pants from the both of you that stood out harshly against the quietness of the campus.

“We, oh god, we shouldn’t have—” you paused, attempting to gather your thoughts, trying to quiet the thousands upon thousands scenarios and ideas that were running through your head at the moment. Your parents, god, if they ever found out about this you would be ruined. Everything that you have worked for over the years would be completely shattered, demolished and bulldozed by the boy that stood in front of you—and for some reason, when you looked into his warm brown eyes, you didn’t seem to care. You were never really a reckless person, but for him, you were willing to risk it all. At this point in time, what he meant to you was worth more than whatever punishment your parents were going to inflict on you once they found out.

“You know I don’t care about what people think, and neither should you. Why is it any of their business what the two of us do with our lives? If I like you and you like me, then I don’t see the problem,” he pushed your body back a little bit, so he could look into your eyes. For once, there was no cockiness or arrogance in his voice, instead he looked at you passionately, with his hands holding yours and his thumb rubbing circles on the tops of your hands. There was so many unspoken words between the two of you, but just this once his touch and his presence was enough.

And for once you could safely say that Lee Felix was right, in this moment it was quite honestly you and him against the world.

seven.

To say that things were weird between the two of you was definitely an understatement. Neither of you addressed what had happened a couple of nights ago, the kiss was almost a taboo subject and to mention it meant that you both had to address the change in your relationship with each other. Instead, it was easier to ignore everything that changed and instead pretend that everything was just fine between the two of you. In all honesty, you would be lying if you said that you never considered a relationship with him, and in reality, that is all you have been thinking about the last couple of days. You never thought that love could feel like this, every moment with him was as if you were floating, drifting endlessly on cloud nine with no intentions of stopping. Every stereotype and previous assumptions about him were completely thrown out the window. He was perhaps the kindest soul that you could ever meet, despite his rough exterior, and he treated you with the utmost kindness, his manners rivaling some of the more posh boys that you have dated in the past. He was a complete gentleman and never pushed you to do anything that you didn’t want to, respected his boundaries and of course, acted as the epitome of the perfect boyfriend. You knew that you should tread with caution, the honeymoon phase was still in full effect, but with him, you couldn’t help but dive straight in. With him you were loose and reckless, the complete opposite of everything that you were molded to be by your parents.

And while you were unsure of where your relationship with him stands, you were first and foremost his tutor, you would be damned if you were the one who ultimately caused his grades to slip again. Which is why most of your dates the past few days have been focused on only studying, the two of you meeting up at cafes or the library in order to help him prepare for this upcoming final on Literature of the 20th Century. There was a slight tension between the two of you, understandable considering the circumstances, but you were adamant that there would be nothing to distract him from acing this exam, and this was evident in how you threatened him with everything under the sun if he even dared to try anything other than studying.

Before both of you knew it the exam was quickly approaching, the last study date seemed to fly by in a matter of minutes, and you both found yourself walking the familiar path on the way to the lecture hall in time for the morning exam. As usual, Felix clutched the study guide in his hand as he walked, mumbling little facts about each work of literature that was present on the page. You couldn’t help but smile at his mannerisms, watching his face furrow as he was deep in thought made him appear almost cute, vastly different from his every day cool and cocky exterior.

“So, what’s my prize this time for scoring well on the exam?” he asked you coolly, cocking one eyebrow in the air playfully, the study guide soon forgotten in his hands.

“Bold of you to assume that there is a prize, I mean, studying hard and putting in the work and receiving the outcome you wanted sounds like enough of a reward to me,” you shrugged, giving him a wink. In response, he shot you a teasing glare shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

“While that sounds very uh tempting I have another idea,” he paused slightly for dramatic effect before continuing, “if I get an A on this test, then I think you should promise me something.” Of course, he didn’t really go into details after that, citing that if he talked about it any longer than he will jinx himself and not only fluke this test, but he will also cheat himself out of this deal.

Bidding you a quick farewell, he disappeared inside the lecture hall blowing you a kiss before vanishing behind the wooden doors. Even in a situation like this he seemed to find time to be flirty, ignoring the obvious tension and oddness between the two of you in favor of attempting to restore some sense of normalcy. He was different to say the least, and that’s probably what attracted you to him in the first place, and with a slight shake of your head, you turned away and walked towards your own classroom.

And you couldn’t begin to hide the redness in your cheeks or the boisterous hammering of your heart beneath your ribcage, which confirmed what you had previously known already—that you were head-over-heels in love with this boy.

As soon as Felix stepped foot outside of the lecture room, his eyes desperately scanned the campus grounds looking for your figure. He was ecstatic and couldn't wait to share the good news with you, but as his eyes moved around looking for any sign of you, he was disappointed to not see your figure in sight. This emotion was evident on his face, and it was hard for him to hide it, as he opted to shove his hands inside the pockets of his leather jacket. He wanted to boast to you, to shove his high grade in your face and smugly demand his prize—an official date with you. No, he wouldn’t accept anymore of this “study date” bullshit, while he did get to spend time with you (which he did very much enjoy) he wanted something that wasn’t underneath the guise of school. He wanted something that was real and concrete between the two of you, and this was the perfect opportunity to voice his true intentions.

Felix was no idiot, the kiss that you both shared was something that doesn’t normally happen between a tutor and a student, let alone between friends. At the moment he wasn’t really sure where your relationship stood, the two had walked the very thin line between friends and lovers, and after the kiss, a boundary was crossed and it’s too late to go back now. Pulling out his phone, he decided to send you a quick text just in case you were running late from class.

very annoying (but cute) boy: hey, where are you??

very annoying (but cute) boy: i think i would like to redeem my prize right now, and in order for me to do that i need you to be here

Even after ten minutes there was no response from you, while it wasn’t that odd for you to go a bit radio silent when you’re busy studying, but he thought it was a bit strange of you to forget something as important as this. That was it, you must have become preoccupied with something else, and you’ll end up getting back to him when you find the time. Shrugging his shoulders, he pocketed his phone before taking off to find the rest of his friends, his thoughts lingering on you the whole way there.

It’s only a few hours later when an announcement is made across the campus, alerting the entire student body of your disappearance. Of course the word “kidnapping” isn’t used in order to not alarm the rest of the student body, but the meaning behind your disappearance was evident across the campus. The first thing that he did once the news was broken to him was punch a wall, sure, not the most effective thing to do but at the moment he was unable to contain himself and his emotions. He was angry, in fact he was more than angry, and he honestly didn’t know what to do with himself. How could this have happened, especially under his watch? You were his responsibility, he was supposed to be able to protect you from everything, especially things like this, but he has failed you.

Currently he was both a mess inside and out, his hand coming in contact with the coffee table that was situated in the center of the room. His eyes were ablaze, a storm brewing within them, as he glared at the taller male in front of him. The rest of his friends gathered around the two males, watching the scene unfold in front of them.

“What do you mean we can’t go and save her? We’ve done recon missions like this all time, we will in and out before anything really happens,” Felix slammed his fist down on the coffee table, shaking the furniture in an attempt to prove his point to the male in front of him. However, Chan was more mature than that and would not be easily swayed by irrational persuasions.

“I know you care about them and under different circumstances I wouldn’t be opposing you, but we can’t risk anything right now. The media’s attention is already fixated on us, and causing any more publicity like this would draw us even more into the spotlight, and right now we don't need everything we do to be a spectacle for the public to criticize."

It was logical, every single word that ushered past his mouth and Felix knew that. But, he couldn’t help the fire that spread across his entire body, tingling from the top of his head to the tips of his fingers, urging him to do something, anything, calling him to action. He couldn’t take this bureaucracy anymore, following the rules in order to appease the ever critical public and for what? The outcome was always the same in the end, the public always demanding (and never satisfied) for a change, a way to exterminate the vermin that lived in the streets, and they always drew the short-end of the stick. Forced to retreat back into the outskirts of the town, hiding as if they were the ones who committed the sins, while the real demons hide among the general population.

The door slammed closed behind him, the sound echoing slightly in the empty streets of the campus. In wake of your disappearance, it seemed like the student body and the school was taking extra precautions by instilling a mandatory curfew and for once, it seems that the student body was actually complying. Felix scoffed, shoving his hands into his pocket, before turning and taking off in a random direction. He couldn’t think straight, his brain too busy being clouded over by the sheer frustration and anger that he felt. In this moment, he truly understood what it meant to be helpless, and he could earnestly say that it was the worst feeling in the world. The fire inside was itching for him to do something—to take action, but as much as he wanted to, he was completely helpless to the situation at hand.

And for the first time in his life, Lee Felix felt utterly defeated.

eight.

It has been three days since you have gone missing, and he could swear that he was losing his mind. There was nothing, no clues, no witnesses, nothing—as if you had simply disappeared without a trace. By now the campus had returned to a version of normalcy, the streets were no longer empty, the classrooms and dorms repopulated, and the campus seemed to buzz with life once again, which only seemed to enrage the male. He couldn’t understand how everyone could simply pick up and move on, turn a blind eye to the fact that it hasn’t even been a week since your disappearance and suddenly, it was perfectly acceptable for everything to return to normal? No. He wouldn’t stand for this, he couldn’t. His conscience wouldn’t allow him to idly sit by and wait for news to come to him, instead he needed to be proactive—be out there searching and not resting until he brought you back safely.

But, here lies the problem. Felix was floating in the same boat as the detectives, officers and everyone else looking for you, with absolutely no leads on who took you and why. All he could do was rely on his gut instincts, and thus far in life, there wasn’t a time where his gut has ever steered him wrong. Everything about this was pointing to their rival gang Neo Culture Technology, or what they liked to call themselves, NCT. Sure, it was only a hunch that he had, but everything seemed to fall into place around this theory. Exhibit A, they had the means to do it. Saying that they were extremely well funded was an understatement, in more simpler terms, they were loaded. Anything they wanted, they could have just by waving a stack of bills and it was done. Exhibit B, they had the motive to do it. The rivalry between the two gangs was no joking matter, even though they both seemed dominant now, any action was a small enough spark to set the whole rivalry ablaze once again. And he would damned if this wasn’t the signalling flare. Exhibit C, his gut was telling him that this was the answer. Now, there have been many things that Lee Felix has been wrong about in his life, his gut has always steered him in the right direction—and right now, it was practically screaming at him to follow this lead.

However, there was a slight problem and that came in the form of someone named Bang Chan. Felix was explicitly told not to move a muscle, to not do anything that would draw attention to the gang, and rescuing you was bound to blow everything that they have worked so hard for—obliterated due to his selfish desire. But, he couldn’t help himself. What kind of person would he be if he had the chance to possibly save you and instead decided that the reputation of Stray Kids was more valuable. No, if he did that he would embody exactly what society deemed him: a monster.

That’s how he found himself here, somewhere past two in the morning outside one of the many abandoned warehouses in the inner city. It was almost idiotic for him to be here, alone, with no backup and he was certainly a madman to try to even attempt to pull something off like this. The darkness provided a decent cover and gave him the slight element of surprise, but with no windows, it was impossible to actually see if he was walking into a trap. All he was running on was his gut instinct, and while it has never failed him before, there was always a first time for everything.

Bracing himself, he kicked the doors open putting up his fists and readying his stance, prepared for a fight. But, it never came, his posture immediately relaxing as soon as he looked towards the center of the vast room. There you were, bound to a chair with rope and gagged, but otherwise unharmed staring at him with wide eyes. Navigating around the miscellaneous shipping containers and wooden boxes that plagued the room, he ran to you, undoing your gag and began working on the ropes that held your body to the chair.

“I thought you would never find me,” you choked out, your voice hoarse and scratchy. The relief that flooded your body once you saw him almost had tears pooling in your eyes. Suddenly the frigid air of the warehouse didn’t feel that cold anymore, and it was as if all your prayers had finally been answered. Within the next minute, he had freed you from your binds, taking off his leather jacket and draping the article of clothing over your shoulders in an attempt to keep you warm, while wrapping one arm around you and pulling you into his body. Despite all the warmth that he was providing, you were still freezing, and you could barely feel your legs moving as he attempted to guide you out of the warehouse.

You were vaguely aware of him talking, his lips were moving yet, at least to you, it seemed like there was no sound coming out. The blank expression on your features was enough to indicate this fact to him, as he instead tried to navigate you faster through the warehouse. It was obvious that he was worried, it was written all over his face—the way his eyebrows were furrowed, his arm wrapped just a bit too tightly around your shoulders, and the way his other hand kept hovering over his pocket as if he was going to pull a weapon out any minute now. Come to think of it, you haven’t seen your captures in a while, and that probably was not a good thing. It had slipped your mind, but as Felix led you out of the warehouse it seemed to be the only thing on the forefront of your mind.

The feeling of anxiety seemed to crawl up your throat, the thought of being captured again causing a new wave of panic to wash over you. Never have you experienced a situation as horrible as these past few days, and you were not willing to relive this horrifying experience again. With these overwhelming new emotions everything seemed to be too much for you, added onto the sound of distant sounds of sirens and bright spotlights that seemed to dance in front of your field of vision, your body couldn’t hold on any longer as you suddenly collapsed—becoming limp in the arms of your savior.

It took a second for Felix to adjust your newfound weight in his arms, grunting slightly as he picked you up and began carrying you through the open doors of the warehouse and was met with a swarm of police cars and officers with their guns drawn directly at him.

Fuck, what did he manage to get himself into?

nine.

Felix knew that he wasn’t supposed to be here, but then again, when has he ever followed directions? Hospitals were never his favorite place, and in all honesty, he tended to avoid them when he could, the sterile and cleanliness smell from them making him feel as if he was choking on a gallon of hand sanitizer. But, at the moment, he was here of his own free will—lurking around the corridors of the building for something specific. It was obvious that he stuck out like a sore thumb, his dark clothing standing out against the cleanliness white background, but for some reason no one seemed to pay him any attention. Instead, every nurse, doctor, and patient were too preoccupied with their own tasks, far too busy to pay him any mind.

Rounding the corner with his hands tucked deep into his pockets, his eyes scanned the halls of the hospital before landing on a specific room, PATIENT ROOM 325. He glanced to the left, then to the right, and after making sure that no one was around, he pulled the handle of the door and opened it just enough to slip into the room.

It was dark, and the only light came from the open windows in front of him, casting a soft glow. The full moon hung brightly in the sky and the stars were on full display tonight, and it would have been a beautiful sight if he wasn’t focused on something else. A couple of feet away from the window was a stereotypical hospital bed, or what he could assume was a hospital bed, with the curtains drawn around it. There was no other noise in the room besides the faint hum of a few machines by the bedside and the occasional sound of crickets from outside, which caused him to question if there was perhaps anybody in the room.

Taking another step forward, he reached forward and grabbed one side of the curtain, prepared to see who (if anybody) was lying in the bed. However, a voice stopped him dead in his tracks.

“You know we’re supposed to stay away from each other.” The voice was hoarse, but still recognizable, and his heart clenched at the sound. He stepped forward, grasping at the curtain in front of him, his knuckles turning white from how firmly he was gripping the material. There was an internal war raging inside of him, trying to decide if he could even bear to see you in your current state. However, he soon decided against his current judgement and before he could reason against himself, he yanked the curtains aside to reveal the sight of you before him.

In all honesty, you could have fared worse from the whole ordeal, but you managed to only make it out with slight dehydration and some minor cuts and bruising. Nevertheless, Felix’s breath hitched at the sight of you as he slowly approached the side of your bed. Even with your hair a mess, the prominent bags underneath your eyes, and a small but tired smile, he couldn’t help but think that you were the most beautiful person that he has ever laid eyes on.

“You’re doing it again,” you purse your lips, your eyes narrowing as you drink in his figure in the moonlight.

“Doing what?”

“Looking at me like I hung both the moon and the stars in the sky.”

He was thankful for the dimness of the room to conceal the flush of his cheeks. Approaching your bedside, he sat at the very edge of the bed, almost afraid to get any closer, as if one slight movement would break you. The both of you soon fell into a comfortable silence, but there was a slight amount of awkward tension that hung in the air. You wanted to tell him so many things, spend the rest of your lifetime apologizing for dragging him into this mess, but you couldn’t bring yourself to say a word—everything you want to say sitting heavily on your tongue. Instead, you gingerly moved your hand to brush over his own and let it rest on top of his own as he interlocked your fingers together. There it was, a silent conversation exchanged between the two of you, and when you gave his hand a long squeeze, he gave you a small squeeze back.

There were sounds coming from outside of your room, the sound of low chatter followed by the brisk footsteps was enough for Felix to recoil his hand abruptly and to stand suddenly. It was the cold wave of reality raining down on the both of you, that he shouldn’t be here and you shouldn’t be seeing someone like him.

“You know it wasn’t your fault, right, all of this wasn’t your fault,” you muttered, choking back tears. You reached up to grab his hand once again, feeling his body slightly tense up at your touch. This was a cruel world and the two of you were simply living proof of that statement, unable to change your fate and the bad luck that came with it. Ultimately, the entire plot was an elaborate plan by Stray Kids’ rival gang in order to draw attention to them at that prestigious school and keep the gang in the limelight to distract from the nefarious activities executed by NCT. And for the most part, while it seemed like everything turned out alright in the end, there were consequences that needed to be paid.

After spending some long hours in the police station, Felix was finally released after being found innocent of any involvement in your attack. Not only did he earn a complete berating from Chan, but he was also banned from seeing you, and if he was caught well, the wrath of Chan was going to come raining down on him once more. But for you he was willing to risk it, you were different from every other risk that he has ever taken in his life, and if he was being completely honest, you were the best one. And he would like to think that he could one day reap the rewards.

You on the other hand, were rushed to the hospital where you were met with your parents on the phone, demanding lawyers and the police enforcement catch whoever did this to their child. Immediately they blamed Felix, and would not listen to a single word you said defending him. Their minds were already made up, and in their minds he had tainted you—changed you from their perfect and lovely child, into someone just like them.

“You can’t change my mind, sweetheart, my decision is final,” your mother declares, shuffling around the hospital room, rearranging your items that were haphazardly thrown around the room. Your dad stood in the corner with his arms folded across his chest, not uttering a word against your mother’s declaration.

“You want me to move halfway across the world after I’ve gotten into the most prestigious university here, and you’re telling me not to be upset?” you throw up your hands in exasperation, sitting up in the bed.

Your sudden outburst caused your mother to stop in her tracks, before taking three steps closer towards your bed, until she was only a few feet away. Her eyebrows were scrunched together, the look in her eyes was enough to send chills down your spine, and the snarl sitting on her lips let you know that you were about to be in a deep pile of shit.

“[Y/N], I’m going to tell you once more and after that I don’t want to hear any more complaints from you anymore, understand? We are all moving to America and away from this wretched place and that’s final,” she spat at you, before turning away and resumed tidying the room, “you need a fresh start away from this tainted place, I mean, look at what you’ve become—infected by those vermin, and look what they turned you into! A fresh start will be good for all of us, and maybe finally getting away from those despicable people can you finally return to how you were.”

Your mother was never a woman who actively changed her mind once it was set on something, and her latest decision was no different. Everything was practically being finalized as you and Felix both, the entire house being condensed into cardboard boxes then placed on a plane to go to America, and you were going to join them in a few days.

“You should probably get back soon,” your voice was barely above a whisper and if it was any quieter the strawberry blond would have missed everything that you had uttered. HIs jaw visibly clenched at your words, his face turned away from you so you couldn’t see the internal turmoil that was written across his features—eyebrows furrowed, a deep frown sitting on his lips and a storm brewing within his brown eyes. “I don’t want to get you into more trouble than I already have.”

“And what if I don’t want to go?”

He turned around to face you, his usually warm brown eyes now ablaze, and you could only describe the expression on his face as the most passionate that you have ever seen him. Reaching out for your hand, he grasped it, intertwining his fingers with your own and gripping onto you as if his life depended on it.

“Please, don’t make this harder than it already is,” you turned your head away from him, feeling tears fighting to spill over. He didn’t need to see you like this and it would only make it harder to say goodbye. With one blink, the tears start falling, cascading down your cheeks before dribbling down onto the sterile hospital sheets below.

Felix couldn’t help but feel his heart break at the sight, and instead opted to gingerly pull you into his arms. Your head rested against his chest, your tears soaking his shirt and sobs wracking your body as he patted your back soothingly. He wasn’t sure how long the two of you stayed there like it, but it was only until your sobs had turned into quiet sniffles and your tears had almost ceased.

“I don’t know what the future will hold for the both of us, but I promise you, I will find you. I don’t care how long it will take, but someday I will make my way back to you,” his voice was soft, the softest that you have ever heard from him, but instead of feeling the usual comfort from his words, you couldn’t help but feel a cold sense of dread wash over you.

“You shouldn’t make promises that you can’t keep,” you muttered. His body stiffened at your words, and it was as if the confusion was radiating off of him, and it was only when you pulled your body away could you really see his face.

ten.

Bidding goodbye to some of your classmates, you readjusted your backpack before walking out of the cafe and into the busy street. America was certainly nothing like you could have ever imagined, in more ways than one it was similar to the city that you grew up, but completely different at the same time. In the six months that you have been here, you have adjusted to the best of your ability. Everything from the culture to the language, at first completely baffled you, but as you listened to the locals aimlessly chat amongst themselves as you walked down the sidewalk, you couldn’t help but feel as if you fit right in.

The sun was high in the sky, the warm rays shining down on you, as you carefully slipped your sunglasses over your eyes and continued walking. In the distance, you faintly heard the sound of a motorcycle roaring in the distance. The revving of the engine continues to get louder, until you one zoom past you and continue on towards the highway. Not that it mattered, but you couldn’t make out the driver behind the tinted helmet, and for some reason that caused the ache in your heart to return.

You paused for a second, just as the pedestrian signal turned green, allowing you to cross the street. Around you people moved forward, carrying on with their conversations, but you were frozen on one side of the street. And suddenly you were back in there all over again, the familiar feeling of his arm wrapped around your waist, the melodic sound of his laughter ringing in your ears, and the stupidly cute smile that always seemed to grace his lips whenever you were around. Every memory about him seemed to crash over you, until you were drowning in a sea of moments where you could never return.

Your heart clenched at the thought, and briefly you allowed yourself to wonder about him. Over the months that you have spent here, you have repressed every thought about him. In the beginning everything reminded you of him, he was everywhere, and nowhere at the same time. However, as time went on, it became easier. You made new friends, went to new places, and slowly but surely you started to accept that this was the way that things were—and you were coming to terms with your newfound reality. But sometimes you days like these happen, and you’re suddenly crippled with the thought of him.

However, you are instead learning how to swim, and managing to stay afloat in the ocean of memories. You were learning to breathe without him by your side. You exhaled, releasing a shaky breath, before refocusing on the crosswalk in front of you. Looking both ways and making sure that the light was green, you continued walking—one foot in front of the other.

You were grateful that he walked into your life. He taught you lessons that you could have never learned on your own, and gave you memories that you would never trade for the world. In the end, while it was never meant to be, you would never forget the taste of the fruit that you were never meant to have—the irresistible sweetness of a boy named Lee Felix.

#stray kids imagines #stray kids x reader #stray kids scenarios #districtninewriters #sk imagines #sk scenarios #skz #stray kids #kpop #kpop scenarios #kpop imagines #lee felix #lee felix x reader #lee felix imagines #my writing

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bers1990 · 3 years

Photo

Before i go any further, make no mistake, i own nothing. I don't own the clip art pictures i used, i don't own the show and i certainly don't own the characters. The only thing i own are the younger characters and that's about it. I guess you could argue that i also own the adult designs for Zak and his wife, but that's debatable. Like the title says, this is a future portrait of the Saturday family, and it's a full family portrait, which means it includes more than just Zak, his wife and his 3 children. It also includes his parents, his Uncle Doyle and his 3 cryptid "siblings". I'm aware that Doc, Drew and Doyle don't look any older, even though Zak is roughly in his 40's or so, and i admit, that was my faux pas. I suppose one could argue that it makes no difference how Fiskeron, Komodo and Zon all look at this point, since very few animals show signs of aging any way. But i was going to at least give Doc, Drew and Doyle gray streaks in their hair, maybe a small wrinkle or two, anything that would reflect them aging 27 years (they would still be in tip top shape though, of course). Anyway, let's go around and get some more information about the Saturday family of the future: Left to Right: Dr. Solomon "Doc" Saturday - Even though he's going on late 60's to early 70's, Doc Saturday is still the adventurous yet science and reason minded man he's always been. Though, in recent years, he's allowed his love for his work and inventions to gain more influence over him, and needless to say, that's begun to put some strain on his marriage. Drew Blackwell-Saturday - Still as feisty as ever, even when between the ages of late 50's to early 60's, Drew Saturday has begun to devote more of her time to the archaeologist aspect of her career, which she had long set aside for many years. This has allowed her more time to get in touch with her emotions and, needless to say, it helped bring about a storm to her marriage with Doc. Komodo Saturday - Thanks to the genetic engineering that he went through early on, Komodo Saturday is still alive and kicking, with old age only creeping up on him in minor ways (e.g. being out of breath when he moves so little). At one point, Komodo and his fellow cryptids; Zon and the Fiskerton Phantom (Fisk), all had a strong and inseparable bond with their adopted human "brother", Zak Saturday, who returned their loving feelings in full. However, as time went on, the strength of this camaraderie began to weaken, as Zak started to spend more of his time with the woman who would one day be his wife and, eventually, started a family with her. The strong bond is still present though, just in different ways. In Komodo's case, it's in him acting as the nanny and nursemaid to Zak's daughter, Carol, whom he protects fiercely. Carol Drew Saturday - As i've said numerous times in the past; this is my fan-made daughter for Zak Saturday. She is very good at planning things out before acting and is a true prodigy when comes to dealing with Cryptids. However, like her father, she is often prone to allow her impetuous nature get the better of her, causing her to do things that, under more cool-headed circumstances, she would never think right. Carol has always been close to her father, to the point where she inherited his original "Claw" as her own signature weapon. But if there was one person was a close second in terms of bond, that would be Komodo, her nanny and ever vigilant protector. By the way, as i'm sure you can already tell, Carol owes her middle name to her paternal grandmother, something that she is proud to know. Zakery Thomas Saturday - At one point, he was the scrappy and adventurous little boy of Doc and Drew Saturday gifted (or cursed) with telapathic powers over cryptids. Now, he's the stern, no-nonsense and physically imposing Beta of the Saturday pack (set to take Doc's place as patriarch of the family). Having lost none of the skills he had as a child, as well as gained a few new ones, Zak is still just as formidible an opponent as ever. Though, just like his own father before him, Zak's paternal instincts are his strongest trait, right alongside his loyalty to his wife. Ulraj Elija Saturday - Named after both his ancestor, Elija Saturday and his godfather, the King of Kumari Kandam, Ulraj is the first born child of Zak Saturday. Being the eldest, Ulraj constantly feels the need to be the responsible and level-headed one of the litter, to the point where he acts as the leader of his siblings. For the most part, he is leadership material, and is rather mature, responsible and level-headed. But, unfortunately, those very qualities have also led him to be a tad self-righteous; he almost always thinks that his way is right. Still though, his inner sense of humilty does keep that aspect of his character in check (more or less). He inherited the Saturday genius gene and is quite the aspiring inventor because of it. Whenever he has the time, he is usually seen using a blowtorch on something or wrenching something tighly. He even designed his own modest suit of armor which is both protective yet light to move in, proudly sporting the Saturday family logo on the chestplate. I'm well aware that his hair makes him look like Zak Monday, that's why i gave him the suit of armor in the first place. Fiskerton Saturday - Still the same lovable giant furball he's always been, this 8-foot tall Gorilla-Cat remains the most unique and mysterious member of Saturday family, as well as its main muscle. At one point, Fiskerton and Zak were as thick as thieves, along with Komodo and Zon. Though, out of all of them, Fiskerton had the strongest bond with Zak. This cameraderie began to weaken, however, as Zak began to start a family of his very own. But Fisk remained as loyal as ever, and even took an active interest in the development of Zak's eldest son, Ulraj, often trying to keep him humble. Wadi Saturday - Ever since they first met as 11-12 year old children, Wadi's chemistry, and general relationship, with Zak Saturday has always been erratic at best. On the one hand they had a few qualities that made them similar, but on the other hand, they tended to bicker and clash quite a bit. It wasn't until Zak's 13th Birthday that the two of them realized that all of this was the result of a growing romance, one that officially began when Wadi kissed Zak on the cheek. The two of them began a long distance relationship after that and it lasted for a good long time, many years in fact. But Zak and Wadi were not hopeless romantics, they were well aware that their relationship was no different than anyone else's. Which means, like anyone else's, it could come to an end for any reason at all. How long the two of them thought about this, they would never tell the other, but think it they both did. Still though, both ultimately decided to burn that bridge when they came to it, and did their best to keep their minds in the present when it came to their relationship. Surprisingly enough, Zak and Wadi's love for each other never once wavered and ultimately led to Zak proposing to Wadi when they were both between the ages of 23-24. She gladly accepted this proposal and they were married as soon as possible, much to the delight of their respective families. As far as Wadi's personality goes, it's relatively the same as it was years ago; she's still pretty assertive yet relatively soft-spoken at the same time. She has also become more open about her feelings towards Zak, now that she knows how he feels about her. But the biggest change to Wadi is that she's gained more control over her kleptomania; now she will only steal something if the situation calls for it (like getting a dangerous object away from a villain). Like her mother-in-law, she is a fiercely protective mother (though she's not as over-bearing), she will do anything to protect her three children, even pummel someone into submission. Maboul Farhan Saturday - The youngest of Zak and Wadi's littler, as well as the most timid, is little Maboul Farhan Saturday. Needless to say, he was named after his maternal grandfather, a fact that he is very proud of. In fact, out of all of his siblings, Maboul is the most in touch with his Hassi and, subsequently, Arabian heritage. He has done all he could to learn the ways of his people and, because of this, has developed a strong bond with his mother. She even passed on to him her treasured Thieves Yo-Yo, much like how Zak passed down his "Claw" to Maboul's sister, Carol. Now, personality-wise, Maboul is a rather meek and timid child, which makes it pretty easy for his siblings to sway him. However, when the situation calls for it, he will at least try to be assertive. Fortunately, he will always have the protection of his "aunt", Zon, on his side. BTW, Maboul's middle name. Farhan, is actually Arabic for "happy", because that's how his parents felt when he was born. Zon Saturday - With exception of being the de facto nanny of Maboul, Zon is relatively the same, though, i'd imagine her skin and wings would be more rusty looking by this point. Much like her two adopted "brothers", she used to be very close to Zak Saturday in his youth. But when Zak started to spend more and more time with his growing new family and spent less and less time with her, Fiskerton and Komodo, Zon eventually tried to cope with this by forming a bond with one of Zak's kids, Maboul grew closest her and they've been inseparable ever since. Doyle Blackwell - Doyle's pretty much the same guy he's always been, nuff said. Though, he is somewhat more concerned about the frequent issues his older sister and brother-in-law are having. He is also just as close to his great nephews and great niece as he was with Zak.

#the secret saturdays #Fanart

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bobohunn · 4 years

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— summary : It was tough for you to trust and open up to people, after all you've been through. When you finally let your walls down, Chanyeol left you hanging. (part 1 of 2)

— pairings : chanyeol x reader

— genre : angst, fluff

— warnings : mentions of anxiety, alcohol, bullying, & gaslighting, hints of sexual assault & harassment, description of anxiety & panic attacks.

— word count : 3.9k words (part 1)

— author's words : hi!!! I'm not really good with titles so this goes untitled for now 😅 I'll add the title when I post the 2nd part 💛 this is not proofread and edited yet pls forgive me. I'd really appreciate it if you tell me your thoughts on this! ☺️

It was a year ago today. The day when you were supposed to wake up with a smile, hearing your family’s thumping steps on the wooden floor on the way to your room. The day when your younger sister was supposed to be running towards you to attack you with kisses, your mom holding out a cake that says ‘happy birthday’, and your father following closely behind them, singing the happy birthday song with his awfully hoarse morning voice, just like the annual tradition. Rather, you woke up to the loud and thunderous knocks on your bedroom door, along with what you recognized as your father’s voice. And the second you turned the lock on the knob, the door flew and a hand met your right cheek.

You were scared, but you weren’t sure what you were scared for. Sure your dad looked scary, his face was blood red, his breathing uneven, and his hands clenched into fists, but you didn’t know what he was acting scary for. You held your cheek, trying to ease up the stinging sensation that lingered.

“D-dad?”, you managed to stutter out. Your father shut his eyes close and sighed.

You looked away and noticed your mom and your sister on the wooden staircase behind your dad. Your mom was holding her face in her hands, and your sister was rubbing her back. Only then did you realize that they were both crying.

“M-mom? S-stacy? W-what’s going o-on?”, you choked out, feeling the hot tears that were running down your face.

It was silent again, and you hated it. The silence was deafening and you swore you almost heard the cells in your brain die. You always hated situations like this, it made you feel so anxious and you were about to throw up.

“D-dad, M-mom what’s happening w-why are y–”

“You don’t have to call me dad anymore,” your dad cut you off, and you heard your mom cry louder.

“D-dad w-will you please at least t-tell me what’s going on?”, you said in between sobs, “please?”

Your dad let out another loud sigh, and you noticed his eyes getting misty. “Stacy, give me your phone. Your sister wants to know why, so I’ll show her why”, he said in a firm tone.

Stacy stood up from the stairs and took out the phone from her pocket. She handed it over to your dad, avoiding his gaze including yours. You were practically begging for her to look at you with your eyes while your dad was fumbling with the gadget, but she stood behind him, staring at the floor with her hair covering her face.

Your father handed to you the phone, showing a paused video on the screen. You pressed play, and turned the volume up. You were puzzled to say the least. The video had poor lighting but when the light source hit the surface of a very familiar face in the frame, you dropped the phone, leaving a small crack on the lower left part of the screen.

Your brain tried to put the pieces of information it recently gathered together, but you were about to pass out. Unconsciously shaking, you stumbled on your feet, and dropped to the floor. That was the last thing you remembered before your sight blacked out.

Your life today is a little bit different to how it was a year ago, yet it was still sort of the same. You moved to a different town, a different school, a different environment. It isn’t much worse now, but some people would still look at you and gossip as you pass by the same. Others don’t even stab you in the back, they hit you in the front now.

You moved with your family in the hopes of forgetting everything and starting anew, but unfortunately the news reached your new home too. Your parents insisted that you move places again when people in your school started talking, but you hated the feeling of being an inconvenience. So you did your best to heal and learn how to not a give a fuck to what others say, even if it burnt you out on most days.

“It’s okay, Mom. I’ll be alright, they’re not hurting me anyway,” you said in the softest voice.

“Are you sure? We can just move out of the country, baby. It’s best that we just go, hmm?” she held your hands in one, and caressed your face in the other.

“Yeah. We should just move if you’re uncomfortable here, my love,” your dad added as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders.

“Then we’d have to spend money again. I know you guys had a hard time adjusting as well, especially Stacy,” you fumbled with the fabric of your shorts, “I’m okay, really.”

But even though you’ve learnt to not give a shit and shrug off what bullshit other people— who don’t even know you, by the way— say anymore over the past months, there are still times when you have to endure how painful the words you overhear from conversations of people in your school are. And when you couldn’t, you’d have to run back to your only safe place in school, the comfort room at the back of the school library to turn into a ball and cry. On some days when you think you’re all better and don’t give a fuck anymore, you hear words you tried so hard to delete from your system, and it makes you want to throw up again.

You hate whoever did this to you. However, over the process of healing, you realized that you hate those people who try to act nice in front of you, act like they care for you, act like they support you, but actually talk rotten behind you more. And you hate people who try to control you into thinking that you are the one to blame, the most, because there are times that their words sting too much you begin to doubt yourself again after trying so hard to convince yourself that you were never at fault.

It’s the first day of the semestral break, and you couldn’t be more happy and relieved to be far from society. You don’t have to do anything but lie down in your comfy bed, and binge watch your favorite shows all day. You can read books you hoarded in the past but never really touched after, as well!

“Y/N! Stacy! Come here, give these apples to our new neighbors!” your mom shouted from the kitchen.

You and your sister, Stacy peeked out of your bedrooms at the same time, and when your eyes met you both sighed.

“I was watching Stranger Things, I was in the good part!”, you whined.

“I was reading a good fic on Tumblr as well! I was in the climax of the story!”, Stacy stomped her feet playfully and you both giggled.

“Y/N! Stacy! Did you hear me?” your Mom shouted again, which made you and Stacy instinctively run down the stairs.

“Good afternoon Mister– uhmm?”, Stacy said to the man sitting on the balcony outside the house your mom sent you to for a quick mission.

“Park. Mr. Park,” the grown man smiled.

“Oh, nice to meet you Mr. Park! We’re from the house next to yours. We heard you just moved in, so my mom wanted you to have this!” Stacy beamed at him, while you stood behind her quietly.

“Oh I see! What are your names? You should come in! We had a feast for lunch, you should help us finish the food!” Mr. Park said while turning the knob of the front door.

“I’m Stacy, this is my older sister Y/n. My mom’s name is Rachel, and my dad’s is Samuel”, she said as she took off her sneakers.

“How old are you guys? I have a son who’s in the 11th grade, and a daughter who’s gonna be in her 2nd year in university.”

“I’m in 11th grade as well, Stacy is in 9th. We’re in Jungwon Highschool”, you said as you took off your jacket

“You should meet my son then! He’s transferring to Jungwon! But he’s not here now, he took the dog out on a walk in the park”, he said while grabbing plates from the kitchen.

After eating a few sweet fruits, you and your sister headed back home with two full plates of side dishes Mr. Park’s family offered. You passed by a tall unfamiliar guy carrying a black dog on the way back, and you figured maybe he was Mr. Park’s son.

It’s the first day of the spring semester, the weather's been really better the past few days and you couldn’t be any happier because it means you don’t have to wear a heavy coat to school anymore.

While walking to the bus stop, you saw a familiar guy crouching down to pet a kitten.

Cute

He picked the cat up and moved it to a spot away from the pavement onto the bushes, probably for its safety. The moment he turned to your direction, you realized he was the same guy who you passed by once, on the way home from your new neighbor’s house. He was wearing the same uniform as you, and there you confirmed he really was the Parks’ son.

The bell rang and your class adviser went into the classroom. He was with the same guy you encountered earlier, announcing that your class has a new student to welcome.

“My name is Park Chanyeol. Please take care of me”, the guy said as he smiled and bowed down. He took the empty seat in front of you and settled down.

“Pass your quizlets to the president after lunch. Late submissions will have deductions. Is that clear, class?” the 4th period teacher announced as she walked out the room.

The chime rang on the school speakers, and the lunch break started. All your classmates darted out the room, while you stayed in your seat, resting your head on the desk to take a nap like usual. Except, this time you aren’t left alone in the room. Chanyeol stayed, seemingly finishing the quizlet the teacher gave.

“Excuse me, can I borrow your eraser?” He asked, knocking on your desk to get your attention.

“Ah, sure. Here,” you pass him the black piece of soft rubber from your pencil case.

“Didn’t know they sell black ones. I should get myself one like this too. I actually hate when the white ones get dirty,” he rambled on while erasing whatever he had to erase and gave it back to you. You nod sheepishly as a response.

“I’m Chanyeol. What’s your name?” he pursed his lips while waiting for you to answer.

“I’m y/n. I actually live next to you,” you smile, scratching your nape.

Chanyeol was saying something but you weren’t really listening. Not when you heard some girls at the back door say, “what is she doing? Is she flirting with him?” “I seriously can’t believe her, after all that happened to her she has the guts to flirt with boys again?” “Maybe she thinks she can bait the new guy because he’s clueless” “and attractive, too”

You just smiled at him, and rested your head back down again, wearing earphones this time to block out whatever conversations you didn’t have to hear.

You were sitting on the bench outside your go-to place, the comfort room at the back of the school library, watching whatever random videos youtube recommended in the home section. A video of a band doing a cover of some other band’s song came up, and you suddenly heard someone clear their throat from behind you which made you jump a little bit from your seat.

“So, are you into bands?” Chanyeol asked as he sat beside you on the bench.

If you were to be really honest, you grew scared of meeting people through the past year. You really hate it when people bring up things which they are not in the place to talk about. You’d tell them if you wanted them to know, and if you wouldn’t then they just have to accept and respect it, not be a total nosy ass. And unfortunately, everyone who tried to talk to you in this school brought up things you wished they didn’t. It made you feel like they’re only talking to you to know the tea. So you shut them out immediately, afraid to be hurt by them again if you get attached to them.

Which is why you struggled to let out a response to Chanyeol’s curiosity.

Why does he want to know about that? What will he do with that information? What if he uses it against me in the future? I should be careful with what I say, I might give out too much information.

All sorts of thoughts, running in your mind right now.

“Are you okay?” he asked when he realized you were only staring with a surprised expression at him, “is something wrong?”

“U-uhm, yeah. And, n-no. I’m s-sorry,” you looked away, keeping your phone in your pocket.

Chanyeol chuckled, “why are you getting flustered? I don’t bite!”

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to,” you purse your lips.

“You’re a shy one, aren’t you? Don’t worry! I’m good at making people open up to me” he said as he placed an arm around your shoulder, to which you flinched at.

And Chanyeol was right, he was good at making people open up to him indeed. He made you feel at ease with his jokes, but more than that, you felt safe at how he doesn’t pressure you to talk about yourself, he just waits for you to willingly share things with him. He just keeps on going on and on about what he wants to say, but he listens attentively the second you open your lips to talk.

"Oh how I love animals so much! I have a dog, his name is Toben but he doesn't listen to me. So i kinda hate him" he said enthusiastically.

"I think I've seen you once with him, the black one?" you recalled.

"Yes that's him! I used to have a cat too but he ran away from home. His name was Bach"

"I actually have a hamster. Her name is Lilie. You should meet her she's a total fluff ball" you said as you took your phone out and show him a picture of your syrian hamster.

"Oh my god she's so cute!" his eyes grew wider than it originally is.

You chuckled, "You must really like pets that much."

"Oh trust me, I even brought a rat home. My mom scolded me so much," and it's you who has wide eyes now.

You grew close to Chanyeol in a span of a few days. You would walk to school and walk home together with him almost everyday. You learned a lot of things about him, while he was also able to slowly make you open up to him. The both of you would ramble about random things while doing homework or eating dinner at each other’s house, but he never crossed the borderline and asked you about your past. You couldn’t be more grateful that you found a friend like him. It’s the bare minimum, but it’s important to you and no one really does it like that anymore, not for you at least.

“What’s the square root of 441?” He asked, biting the tip of the pen he was holding.

“21, I think? Let me check,” you said as you took out the calculator in your backpack.

“It’s okay I got it aaaand— Wow! You’re right!” He jumped out of his seat and ruffled his fluffy brown hair in amusement. You chuckled and took a sip from the tea his mom made for you.

“You’re amazing, how do you know that? Did you just mentally solve that?” He sat back down again.

“Of course not. I liked maths so much as a kid, I memorized the perfect squares at some point.” you mumbled, redirecting your focus back to the homework in front of you.

“In many years of living, I never once met someone who memorized perfect squares” Chanyeol said as he held his face in his big hands.

“Now you did”

He chuckled, “Yeah, memorable. Anyway, are you free this friday?”

You bit your lip in sudden anxiety, “I-i don’t know. N-not sure. Why?”

“Some of our classmates are going to a party, and they invited me,” he hesitated a little before he continued, “I just wondered if you wanted to come? With me?”

You feel your heart beat faster, “No, sorry. I think I’ll be helping my dad on Friday.”

“Oh it’s okay. Don’t worry about it,” whispered Chanyeol, looking back down to his homework.

Friday came, and you thought it was weird to walk home alone for the first time. You got used to chatting with Chanyeol while on the way home, and now it was completely silent. When you got home, you threw yourself to your bed. You decided to get your laptop and binge watch another series on netflix.

It was around 7:30 pm when your phone rang. You looked at the caller ID and picked up hesitantly when you realized it was Chanyeol’s. “Why would he call so suddenly though?” you whispered to yourself.

“Chanyeol?” You said as you bring the phone up to your ear.

“hey Y/N! What’s up?” he chirped weirdly, probably drunk.

“Nothing much. Are you drunk?”

“I’m wasted. They tricked me, they said it was juice. They tricked me, y/n!” you cringed at how much he was slurring his words. It was obvious that alcohol was already in control of his system.

“How are you gonna get home?”

“I don’t know. Everyone is drunk here and–” he hiccuped, “they’re all nasty. I wanna go home”

You paused for a bit, checking the time on your laptop. “Turn on your location and stay there. I’ll pick you up”

Chanyeol nodded and hummed from the other line. You quickly ended the call to run to your closet to grab a jacket, and leave the house.

You didn’t know if you were dumb or stupid, but you were sure you were either.

Why would you suggest picking him up? From a house party? Which you avoided so much with all your might?

When you reached the house that showed up on Chanyeol’s location— which took you 30 minutes to find, you had to pat yourself on your shoulders and remind yourself that you were doing it for a friend, and if you were just gonna walk away, this friend might get in trouble. You inhaled deeply before entering, a pool of evidently alcohol intoxicated bodies welcoming you.

It took you only a few seconds to spot Chanyeol, the only giant in the room. But it took you a few minutes to get to him because as he said, the crowd was pretty nasty.

“Alright time to go home now big buddy, let’s go” you tapped Chanyeol on his forearms, bracing yourself in case he’d stumble and fall.

“Goodbye my friends!” Chanyeol screamed over the booming music from the speakers. “You’re leaving already?” a familiar voice replied, and you realized it was one of your classmates, Max.

You only nodded at him after flashing a small smile. “Are you seriously going Chan? It’s too early! We haven’t been to the fun part yet!” Max said before taking a sip of whatever alcohol from his red cup.

“What fun part? I think I’m just gonna go home, Max” Chanyeol replied, seemingly sobering up a little.

“Oh you know, the fun part! When all the chics get wasted!” your mind was getting hazy at what you heard, and you nearly lost your balance. Your grip on Chanyeol’s sweater got tighter, which made him look at you.

But he didn’t answer Max, instead he turned away. You took that as a signal to go. “Yeol, the door is this way” you told him as you tug on the sleeve of his sweater.

The walk back home was messy. Chanyeol was silent but he was walking in zig zags and you had to hold him up a couple of times because he would fall asleep while walking.

“Y/n?” you hummed in response.

“Nevermind” he replied. Honestly you were nervous, what did he want to say? Is something wrong? But you only let it go.

“Y/n.”

“Yes Yeol?”

He stopped walking, “Why don’t you ever tell me anything about you?”

“What do you m-mean? I tell you about myself too,” you managed to mumble out.

“No, you don't,” he said in a tone an octave lower.

You held onto his arm again and dragged him with you, “Yeol, you’re drunk let’s go now.” He allowed you to pull him and just walked along, still in zig zags.

When you were in front of his house you took your phone out to call his sister, to help you get him in. You helped him sit down on the chair outside while waiting for her to pick up.

“Y/n, you know I’m not one to pry, right?”

You looked at him in confusion, you slowly nodded. You waited for him to continue.

“But I really have to ask this,” he said as he played with the zipper of his backpack in his hands, not looking at you.

“What is it?” you shivered.

“By any chance, were you from Hyundai Highschool?” he finally looked at you, straight in your eyes.

You didn’t know what to do or what to feel. He was sober now, and you could tell he knew what he was talking about. Many questions were popping in your mind, yet your brain felt empty. You weren’t able to form anything to say. You only backed away from him, and then ran away.

You went straight to your room, ignoring your father’s attempt to hug you. You fell to the floor the moment you closed the door.

Why did he ask you that?

How did he find out?

Were people talking about you at the party?

Did someone gaslight you at the party, again?

Will he judge you too?

You spent the whole weekend locking yourself up in your room, overthinking about the same things over and over again. You were almost sure someone told him from the party, and he will probably think differently about you now. But you are honestly hoping that he wouldn’t. He’s a good guy, isn’t he?

Monday came, and you were mentally preparing yourself to talk to Chanyeol while preparing your lunch box. You made sure to go out earlier than usual to wait for him so you could walk to school together, but to no avail. There was no sign of your giant friend going out of the house next to yours. You had to run to school or you would be late for the first period.

When you reached the classroom you looked around but Chanyeol wasn’t there. You caught your breath and sat down quietly on your seat. There was barely 2 minutes left before the first period, and you were worried for Chanyeol.

“Hey Y/n, where’s Chanyeol? You didn’t come together?” one of your classmates asked. You shook your head no, but suddenly the back door opened.

There he is

He took his seat in front of you but he didn’t spare you a smile, not even a glance.

The whole day went by with Chanyeol avoiding you and ignoring your attempts to talk to him. He looked at you at some point, but with sad eyes and a small smile. After that, you decided to give up and let him be.

You know—you think you do, why he was acting that way, and you don’t blame him for it. But you at least need to hear it from him, rather than assume things which could be entirely wrong.

You didn’t expect him to pull you to the school garden at dismissal, though.

“Y/n. I know I’ve been such a horrible friend today,” he paused. He looked down, avoiding your eyes.

“but I don’t think we should be friends.”

90 notes · View notes

whatiwillsay · 4 years

Text

submission: Hello I Did A Giant DWOHT analysis for you to share

Looking at it through a lens of it being about Kaylor but with the context of Swiftgron: (you can put the Read More wherever you want)

I loved you in secret1

First sight2, yeah we love without reason

[1]

Wildest Dreams: “I said ‘no one has to know what we do’”

Ready For It: “I-island breeze and lights down low / no one has to know”

Dress: “Our secret moments in a crowded room / They’ve got no idea about me and you”

King of My Heart: “Late in the night, the city’s asleep / Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”

Secret love is a theme that seems explicitly connected to Karlie. There’s not much mention of it in any 1989 song except for Wildest Dreams, which I’d argue, was written early into Karlie and Taylor’s flirtationship where, after Dianna, Taylor was unconvinced that her love with another woman would lead to anything long-term. Wildest Dreams talks about her seeing her relationship with Karlie as a temporary thing that has to end eventually. Ready For It connects to this almost word for word.

Dress talks about being in a situation with someone where you are both friends, and possibly hooking up, but that line between friendship and relationship hasn’t explicitly been crossed yet. I’m assuming the connection between “say you’ll remember me, standing in a nice dress” and “I only bought this dress so you could take it off” is on purpose. Taylor was making the most of their limited time together, still not seeing it going much further.

King of My Heart is clearly about Karlie, if not just for the connection to the city. It also connects to the timeline of how they got together, detailed in various songs across reputation and Lover, where they sit on the roof and have a serious conversation before they fully jump into things.

So first line = about Karlie.

[2]

illicit affairs: “It’s born from just one single glance / but it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times”

I haven’t been through illicit affairs thoroughly enough yet to confirm that it’s about Karlie, but I would say the song leans that way.

However, “without reason” seems to connect to Wonderland in so many places, but especially given the context of the line before, specifically to “Didn’t they tell us ‘don’t rush into things?’ / Didn’t you flash your green eyes at me? / Haven’t you heard what becomes of curious minds?”

So, with that in mind, this line could refer to either Dianna or Karlie, but I’m going to go with Dianna, based on the line that follows:

Oh, twenty five3 years old

Oh, how were you to know? And

[3] Taylor was twenty five when Kissgate happened. However, Dianna was also both twenty five when she started dating Taylor, and twenty five when Shirtgate happened. I think this line could be taken as her talking to either herself or Dianna.

However, it should be kept in mind that Taylor rarely refers to the ages of her lovers in her songs, preferring instead to refer reflexively to herself – “I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling twenty two” “I’m only seventeen, I don’t know anything” “When you’re fifteen” “It’s like I’m seventeen, nobody understands.”

The “how were you to know” also seems to imply a sense of youthfulness and naivete. Whoever was twenty five wasn’t old enough to know what would happen. Perhaps here she’s reflecting on the fact that now, at the same age that Dianna was when they began dating, she seems to know just as little. While Dianna may have seemed older and more worldly to her when they started dating, now at the same age, Taylor has made the same mistakes she did. I think here she is talking both to Dianna and to herself.

My love had been frozen4

Deep blue, but you painted me golden5

Oh, and you held me close

Oh, how was I to know?6 I-

Okay, there is so much work that metaphor is doing in these three lines here, so let’s go through them one by one.

[4] Ice and frozen-ness as a theme doesn’t really show up until reputation. However, knowing that Dianna is often associated with water/a storm throughout Red and 1989 makes this line interesting. On one hand, Taylor could be saying here that whatever water/storm that was her love for Dianna had stopped moving, which is backed up by the fact that throughout the Speak Now album, Taylor refers to someone being “cold” when they are at a low point, or a relationship is dying.

On the other hand, there’s the whole metaphor of the “fishbowl” from the Lover music video and that being a representation of glass closeting.

Taylor confirmed that this room represents the 1989 Era.

Because of this, the water metaphors get a little tricky, ESPECIALLY as it connects to the songs New Years Day and Paper Rings, because an icy pool also shows up in those stories:

Paper Rings: “In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool / When you jumped in first, I went in too”

So jumping into a pool seems to be a symbol for commitment, Karlie and Taylor jumping into glass closeting together… except that makes no sense for the timeline. Kissgate happened nearly two months before this pool jumping incident. So that leaves us with two options:

New Years Day (and by extension, Paper Rings) are about Calvin Harris, who she was dating at the time this story takes place.

Taylor lied about this pool story. It isn’t real, but it IS a metaphor.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: “It was so nice throwing big parties / Jump into the pool from the balcony / Everyone swimming in a champagne sea”

TIWWCHNT explicitly connects the year 2015 to Taylor throwing wild parties and “feeling so Gatsby,” as Taylor looks back on it as a time before Kissgate or #TaylorSwiftIsOverParty where she was having a carefree amount of fun and didn’t have to face consequences for things.

For me, this suggests that the pool/balcony story/metaphor takes place in 2014/15 rather than 2016, that it IS about glass closeting during the 1989 era, and that, metaphorically, it refers to jumping into things while Taylor was still grieving the loss of Dianna (hence, why the water is icy and cold).

[5] As we know from the song Red, losing Dianna the first time was a blue like Taylor had never known. While many people say blue is a romantic color representing Karlie/Joe, I don’t think this origins of the theme can be ignored, especially since Taylor brings the red/gold metaphor throughout even her most recent work. The “but” in the line is also doing a lot of work here, referencing some sort of contrast between the blue and what happens next. This gives this line two interpretations:

Taylor was still feeling the blue of losing Dianna when she met Karlie, but started dating her anyways.

Karlie herself was blue over something, but still found it in her to paint Taylor gold anyways.

I’m inclined to believe the first interpretation, as that lines up the most with the idea of Taylor’s love being frozen.

[6] Here Taylor repeats the sentiment, only this time referring to herself. To me, this means that the first “25” was indeed referring to Dianna, which I think confirms that the events of Kissgate made Taylor look back either on her relationship with Dianna and how it started OR, possibly, Dianna’s experience during Shirtgate, where afterwards she had to be shoved far back in the closet.

This makes there a parallel set of questions here:

How were you (Dianna), at twenty five, supposed to know what would happen if you dated me/wore that shirt onstage?

How was I (Taylor), at twenty five, supposed to know that my glass closet with Karlie Kloss, who had healed my hurt from Dianna, was going to come crashing down so quickly?

Could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket7

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it8

I had a bad feeling

[7] While some wild Kaylors think this may refer to an actual locket, I think more likely this is a reference to glass closeting, as it is immediately juxtaposed with the image of someone’s (Karlie’s) hands in her pockets. This is a specifically physical gesture, and one that can be seen by other people. What is hidden is the romantic aspect of it, which is represented by the one locket Taylor can’t wear (a good metaphor considering she has matching necklaces with all her beards). This is the reality in which Taylor wanted to spend forever.

[8] What I think is most interesting about this section of lyrics, though, is that it seems to imply Karlie was telling Taylor everything would be fine, despite Taylor worrying that what happened with her and Dianna (gossip mags outing them and them having to break up) would happen here. I think this is likely because Karlie’s one other big relationship, with Toni Garrn, was also done in a big glass closeting way, and Karlie was now with her (likely permanent) beard Josh. Karlie assumed things were going to be fine. Taylor, who had alternative bad experiences that ruined her relationship with Dianna, had a bad feeling.

And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis9

People started talking, putting us through our paces

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it10

I had a bad feeling

[9] This is nearly the exact same phrasing as in Ready For It: “Island breeze with lights down low, no one has to know.” The connection between those lyrics and this song implies that the events preceding Kissgate were still early in their relationship (more proof that there was some overlap with Dianna).

The word “scared” here also continues to play into Taylor’s obsession with deconstructing Christian/religious imagery (ex/ Don’t Blame Me).

[10] Once again, this suggests Taylor is looking back on her relationship with Dianna here. She knows there is no one in the world who can take it, because she’s already been through it with someone else. So, when whispers started up before Kissgate (keeping in mind Taylor’s team probably knew as soon as the L Chat started talking about them), Taylor could feel things start to go downhill again, despite what Karlie said.

But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied11, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time12, first time

Yeah we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

And I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing13

[11] This imagery is so connected to the “invisible locket” in the first verse. I do not believe the first chorus refers to Kissgate specifically (I agree with Cam’s assertion on the podcast that Kaylors have this big tendency to assume Taylor is speaking about public moments in her songs). Rather, I think them “dancing with their hands tied” refers to having a relationship while glass closeting. They are doing something fun and wild, but not quite free, still limited in certain ways. However, after keeping her relationship with Dianna so (relatively) private and it still falling apart, I can see how glass closeting so openly with Karlie would’ve felt like “dancing” in comparison.

[12] Here again is the implication of naivete. Taylor knows it is not the first time. She has experiences that tell her this is not wise, and indeed her intuition is saying the same, and yet she is acting as if she has learned nothing from her relationship with Dianna, or even Emily, for that matter. Once again, think back to Wonderland: “Didn’t it all seem new and exciting? / I felt your arms twisting around me / I should’ve slept with one eye open at night.” Taylor has already been through this with Dianna, caught up in the excitement, unable to listen to her intuition, going into things too quickly.

[13] This confirms that statement. Taylor’s intuition is telling her that they are getting too reckless in their glass closeting, but she is having too much fun dancing, despite the limitations, to really listen to it. And this is where the Kissgate imagery comes in, because with Josh Kushner (Karlie’s insurance) literally standing right behind them the whole night, the 1975 concert becomes the perfect (and public) representation of this, which is perhaps why Taylor chose dancing as a metaphor to begin with:

I loved you in spite of

Deep fears that the world would divide us14

So, baby can we dance

Oh, through an avalanche?15And

Say, say that we got it?

I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted16

Oh, ‘cause it’s gravity

Oh, keeping you with me,17 I–

[14] Here Taylor displays some awareness that outside circumstances had quite a lot of a role to play in the end of her relationships. This especially reminds me of how she framed her relationship with Dianna in Wonderland. It is no one’s fault. It is the circumstances of their relationship, and yet, despite that, they “pretended it could last forever.”

Taylor admits this, too, in the 1: “If one thing had been different / Would everything be different today?” To me, this implies that it was not their incompatibility that broke them up, but the one circumstance of the setting of their relationship (whether it being gay – think Taylor’s laments in The Man – or them both being celebrities, you take your pick).

[15] So, with the things that drove her and Dianna apart in mind, Taylor returns to the metaphor of the snowglobe from You Are In Love (“You two are dancing in a snow globe, round and round”), which itself is another representation, like the fishbowl, of a glass closet. Here, Taylor asks Karlie if they can keep dancing once the snowglobe is shaken and the snow starts flying. Think again of the metaphor of the New Year’s Eve party – Taylor associates their early glass closet relationship with snow and frozen-ness because thoughts of Dianna were still lingering, even up to this point. Even in little tiny frozen flakes, the water was still there.

[16] I think this line may refer to a conversation between Karlie and Taylor before Kissgate, where Taylor voiced these fears, a “mess” of anxiety, and became scared Karlie would leave her (think The Archer).

This could also refer to Taylor still being “a mess” about Dianna when she got together with Karlie.

[17] Karlie is the sun. Taylor is merely orbiting. Throughout this song, the implication is that Taylor has been listening to Karlie, taking cues from her, following her plan, despite her own intuitions. Think hoax – “You knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score?” – despite the games Karlie and Taylor were playing early in their relationship, and despite Taylor still having feelings for Dianna, Taylor fell for Karlie harder and faster than Karlie fell for her, and most likely this was why she jumped in headfirst without listening to her intuition.

[Pre-Chorus and Chorus repeat]

I’d kiss you as the lights went out18

Swaying as the room burned down19

I’d hold you as the water rushes in20

If I could dance with you again

[18] Reference to the supposed kiss during the 1975 concert. Now, while I don’t believe there was actually a kiss that night, I think here Taylor is lamenting that, in her regrets and in her mind, she wishes she actually had kissed Karlie openly that night, as the rest of these metaphors are merely hypothetical.

[19] Okay, so here we go. Karlie as the “fire” time! Let’s look at this progression of lyrics that lead up to this song, not looking at when these songs were written, but just how the metaphor progresses:

This Is What You Came For: “Lightning strikes everytime she moves”

Dress: “And, if I get burned, at least we were electrifying”

Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight / tangled up with you all night / Burning it down”

I am not including Call It What You Want here and the most obvious metaphor, because that one clearly takes place post-#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty.

Either way, it seems clear that Taylor saw their early relationship as something dangerous and electrifying, that the room “burning down” was an inevitability in Wildest Dreams (think Blank Space’s “So it’s gonna be forever, or it’s gonna go down in flames”). Here, it is almost implied that Taylor didn’t sway with her as the room burned down, that they both actively distanced themselves from “the room” and avoided getting burned:

[20] This line puzzles me the most, because immediately, in context, it reminds me of Clean, but clean wasn’t about facing media scrutiny with Dianna, Clean was about getting over Dianna. In Clean Taylor doesn’t hide away from the water the way she seems to have in the fire metaphor above. She let it wash over her.

Perhaps a case could be made that the situation of Clean was something that needed to happen due to media scrutiny, and that then here Taylor references getting ready to be separated from Karlie and get over her, but that doesn’t work because the line specifically says she’d hold her as the water rushes in. Same works for applying any sort of metaphor for it to Dianna.

However, I will admit that Wonderland’s “You held on tight to me / ‘Cause nothing’s as it seems / And spinning out of control” does paint a nice parallel to this lyric. Still, in Wonderland there was the difference of Dianna holding onto Taylor as things got out of control, whereas in this song, Taylor wishes she had been able to hold onto Karlie. This makes sense with the timeline, as Taylor didn’t consider herself “over” Dianna until nearly a year after their supposed February 2013 breakup date, and Style was certainly written somewhere in that year. Dianna kept trying to make things work, even after the article came out about them. Taylor wishes, in the aftermath of Kissgate, that she had done that too with Karlie.

So, perhaps, this is a metaphor for the fishbowl/snowglobe breaking? Certainly Kissgate shattered their glass closeting. The grieving theme of Clean could still work here, as Taylor grieves what was her relationship before that night happened, only this time the relationship doesn’t have to end, it just gets to evolve. If the glass closet breaks, the snow globe shatters, they would’ve been out of the closet. Taylor seems to regret that here, saying that, were she to have another chance, she’d come out with Karlie then, instead of the bearding with Calvin Harris that followed.

To me this also implies that this song was written with a lot of hindsight to that moment. We have no idea when this song was written, but I would guess it’s sometime in 2016 or late 2015, after Calvin entered the picture and Taylor was shoved back into the (non-glass) closet. I think that moment is what makes the most sense for why she would’ve been reflecting on Dianna so much, as she was back in a similar situation as she was when she was with Dianna bearding-wise.

So, in conclusion, I would say this song describes the beginning of the push and pull that would eventually break Karlie and Taylor up. Taylor looks back regretfully on the glass closeting and wishes she could return to those times, if not come out herself. Karlie, on the other hand, reveled in the glass closeting specifically because she had Josh as an airtight escape plan. Obviously this would all break them apart later, when Karlie chose that escape plan over dancing with Taylor again.

And then there’s the Dianna piece of it. In reflecting on her past relationship with Dianna, I think Taylor came to the conclusion (based on the parallels with Wonderland in this song), that Dianna would have also held onto her as the water rushed in. While I think it’s unlikely this would happen, the conclusion of Taylor’s fantasy here seems to imply that Dianna would’ve been more open to coming with Taylor in the way Karlie could/would not so in conclusion… Dianna is the red rose in the lakes confirmed?

I loved you in secret

First sight, yeah we love without reason

[1]

Wildest Dreams: “I said ‘no one has to know what we do’”

Ready For It: “I-island breeze and lights down low / no one has to know”

Dress: “Our secret moments in a crowded room / They’ve got no idea about me and you”

King of My Heart: “Late in the night, the city’s asleep / Your love is a secret I’m hoping, dreaming, dying to keep”

So first line = about Karlie.

[1]

illicit affairs: “It’s born from just one single glance / but it dies and it dies and it dies, a million little times”

I haven’t been through illicit affairs thoroughly enough yet to confirm that it’s about Karlie, but I would say the song leans that way.

So, with that in mind, this line could refer to either Dianna or Karlie, but I’m going to go with Dianna, based on the line that follows:

Oh, twenty five years old

Oh, how were you to know? And

[1] Taylor was twenty five when Kissgate happened. However, Dianna was also both twenty five when she started dating Taylor, and twenty five when Shirtgate happened. I think this line could be taken as her talking to either herself or Dianna.

My love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Oh, and you held me close

Oh, how was I to know? I-

Okay, there is so much work that metaphor is doing in these three lines here, so let’s go through them one by one.

[1] Ice and frozen-ness as a theme doesn’t really show up until reputation. However, knowing that Dianna is often associated with water/a storm throughout Red and 1989 makes this line interesting. On one hand, Taylor could be saying here that whatever water/storm that was her love for Dianna had stopped moving, which is backed up by the fact that throughout the Speak Now album, Taylor refers to someone being “cold” when they are at a low point, or a relationship is dying.

On the other hand, there’s the whole metaphor of the “fishbowl” from the Lover music video and that being a representation of glass closeting.

Taylor confirmed that this room represents the 1989 Era.

Because of this, the water metaphors get a little tricky, ESPECIALLY as it connects to the songs New Years Day and Paper Rings, because an icy pool also shows up in those stories:

Paper Rings: “In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool / When you jumped in first, I went in too”

New Years Day (and by extension, Paper Rings) are about Calvin Harris, who she was dating at the time this story takes place.

Taylor lied about this pool story. It isn’t real, but it IS a metaphor.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things: “It was so nice throwing big parties / Jump into the pool from the balcony / Everyone swimming in a champagne sea”

[2] As we know from the song Red, losing Dianna the first time was a blue like Taylor had never known. While many people say blue is a romantic color representing Karlie/Joe, I don’t think this origins of the theme can be ignored, especially since Taylor brings the red/gold metaphor throughout even her most recent work. The “but” in the line is also doing a lot of work here, referencing some sort of contrast between the blue and what happens next. This gives this line two interpretations:

Taylor was still feeling the blue of losing Dianna when she met Karlie, but started dating her anyways.

Karlie herself was blue over something, but still found it in her to paint Taylor gold anyways.

I’m inclined to believe the first interpretation, as that lines up the most with the idea of Taylor’s love being frozen.

[1] Here Taylor repeats the sentiment, only this time referring to herself. To me, this means that the first “25” was indeed referring to Dianna, which I think confirms that the events of Kissgate made Taylor look back either on her relationship with Dianna and how it started OR, possibly, Dianna’s experience during Shirtgate, where afterwards she had to be shoved far back in the closet.

This makes there a parallel set of questions here:

How were you (Dianna), at twenty five, supposed to know what would happen if you dated me/wore that shirt onstage?

How was I (Taylor), at twenty five, supposed to know that my glass closet with Karlie Kloss, who had healed my hurt from Dianna, was going to come crashing down so quickly?

Could’ve spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Picture of your face in an invisible locket

You said there was nothing in the world that could stop it

I had a bad feeling

[1] While some wild Kaylors think this may refer to an actual locket, I think more likely this is a reference to glass closeting, as it is immediately juxtaposed with the image of someone’s (Karlie’s) hands in her pockets. This is a specifically physical gesture, and one that can be seen by other people. What is hidden is the romantic aspect of it, which is represented by the one locket Taylor can’t wear (a good metaphor considering she has matching necklaces with all her beards). This is the reality in which Taylor wanted to spend forever.

[2] What I think is most interesting about this section of lyrics, though, is that it seems to imply Karlie was telling Taylor everything would be fine, despite Taylor worrying that what happened with her and Dianna (gossip mags outing them and them having to break up) would happen here. I think this is likely because Karlie’s one other big relationship, with Toni Garrn, was also done in a big glass closeting way, and Karlie was now with her (likely permanent) beard Josh. Karlie assumed things were going to be fine. Taylor, who had alternative bad experiences that ruined her relationship with Dianna, had a bad feeling.

And darling, you had turned my bed into a sacred oasis

People started talking, putting us through our paces

I knew there was no one in the world who could take it

I had a bad feeling

[2] This is nearly the exact same phrasing as in Ready For It: “Island breeze with lights down low, no one has to know.” The connection between those lyrics and this song implies that the events preceding Kissgate were still early in their relationship (more proof that there was some overlap with Dianna).

The word “scared” here also continues to play into Taylor’s obsession with deconstructing Christian/religious imagery (ex/ Don’t Blame Me).

[2] Once again, this suggests Taylor is looking back on her relationship with Dianna here. She knows there is no one in the world who can take it, because she’s already been through it with someone else. So, when whispers started up before Kissgate (keeping in mind Taylor’s team probably knew as soon as the L Chat started talking about them), Taylor could feel things start to go downhill again, despite what Karlie said.

But we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

Like it was the first time, first time

Yeah we were dancing

Dancing with our hands tied, hands tied

Yeah, we were dancing

And I had a bad feeling

But we were dancing

[2] This imagery is so connected to the “invisible locket” in the first verse. I do not believe the first chorus refers to Kissgate specifically (I agree with Cam’s assertion on the podcast that Kaylors have this big tendency to assume Taylor is speaking about public moments in her songs). Rather, I think them “dancing with their hands tied” refers to having a relationship while glass closeting. They are doing something fun and wild, but not quite free, still limited in certain ways. However, after keeping her relationship with Dianna so (relatively) private and it still falling apart, I can see how glass closeting so openly with Karlie would’ve felt like “dancing” in comparison.

[2] Here again is the implication of naivete. Taylor knows it is not the first time. She has experiences that tell her this is not wise, and indeed her intuition is saying the same, and yet she is acting as if she has learned nothing from her relationship with Dianna, or even Emily, for that matter. Once again, think back to Wonderland: “Didn’t it all seem new and exciting? / I felt your arms twisting around me / I should’ve slept with one eye open at night.” Taylor has already been through this with Dianna, caught up in the excitement, unable to listen to her intuition, going into things too quickly.

[3] This confirms that statement. Taylor’s intuition is telling her that they are getting too reckless in their glass closeting, but she is having too much fun dancing, despite the limitations, to really listen to it. And this is where the Kissgate imagery comes in, because with Josh Kushner (Karlie’s insurance) literally standing right behind them the whole night, the 1975 concert becomes the perfect (and public) representation of this, which is perhaps why Taylor chose dancing as a metaphor to begin with:

I loved you in spite of

Deep fears that the world would divide us

So, baby can we dance

Oh, through an avalanche? And

Say, say that we got it?

I’m a mess, but I’m the mess that you wanted

Oh, ‘cause it’s gravity

Oh, keeping you with me, I–

[3] Here Taylor displays some awareness that outside circumstances had quite a lot of a role to play in the end of her relationships. This especially reminds me of how she framed her relationship with Dianna in Wonderland. It is no one’s fault. It is the circumstances of their relationship, and yet, despite that, they “pretended it could last forever.”

[3] So, with the things that drove her and Dianna apart in mind, Taylor returns to the metaphor of the snowglobe from You Are In Love (“You two are dancing in a snow globe, round and round”), which itself is another representation, like the fishbowl, of a glass closet. Here, Taylor asks Karlie if they can keep dancing once the snowglobe is shaken and the snow starts flying. Think again of the metaphor of the New Year’s Eve party – Taylor associates their early glass closet relationship with snow and frozen-ness because thoughts of Dianna were still lingering, even up to this point. Even in little tiny frozen flakes, the water was still there.

[3] I think this line may refer to a conversation between Karlie and Taylor before Kissgate, where Taylor voiced these fears, a “mess” of anxiety, and became scared Karlie would leave her (think The Archer).

This could also refer to Taylor still being “a mess” about Dianna when she got together with Karlie.

[3] Karlie is the sun. Taylor is merely orbiting. Throughout this song, the implication is that Taylor has been listening to Karlie, taking cues from her, following her plan, despite her own intuitions. Think hoax – “You knew you won, so what’s the point of keeping score?” – despite the games Karlie and Taylor were playing early in their relationship, and despite Taylor still having feelings for Dianna, Taylor fell for Karlie harder and faster than Karlie fell for her, and most likely this was why she jumped in headfirst without listening to her intuition.

[Pre-Chorus and Chorus repeat]

I’d kiss you as the lights went out

Swaying as the room burned down

I’d hold you as the water rushes in

If I could dance with you again

[3] Reference to the supposed kiss during the 1975 concert. Now, while I don’t believe there was actually a kiss that night, I think here Taylor is lamenting that, in her regrets and in her mind, she wishes she actually had kissed Karlie openly that night, as the rest of these metaphors are merely hypothetical.

[4] Okay, so here we go. Karlie as the “fire” time! Let’s look at this progression of lyrics that lead up to this song, not looking at when these songs were written, but just how the metaphor progresses:

This Is What You Came For: “Lightning strikes everytime she moves”

Dress: “And, if I get burned, at least we were electrifying”

Wildest Dreams: “You see me in hindsight / tangled up with you all night / Burning it down”

I am not including Call It What You Want here and the most obvious metaphor, because that one clearly takes place post-#TaylorSwiftIsOverParty.

[4] This line puzzles me the most, because immediately, in context, it reminds me of Clean, but clean wasn’t about facing media scrutiny with Dianna, Clean was about getting over Dianna. In Clean Taylor doesn’t hide away from the water the way she seems to have in the fire metaphor above. She let it wash over her.

#dwoht #analysis #amazing long analysis #submission

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yandere-daydreams · 5 years

Note

To follow up on the Dabi and shigaraki cuddling their darling (which I loved soo much!!). Could I please request them finally having their darling breaking into submission and actually wanting their touch and attention please :) (I love your blog and writings keep up the great work!!)

Here’s the first part. These two deserve to be soft, every now and then, especially considering the recent… *revelations*.

It always surprised you, how touchy Shigaraki could be.

When he came home before Dabi, the first thing he’d do was hold you. Whether that meant pulling you into an impromptu shower, draping himself over your legs, or kissing your neck while you politely ignored his presence depended on the day, but there was always something. Today, he was holding you in his lap, arms around your waist and his forehead resting on the nape of your neck, letting you play his hand-held while he commented every-now-and-then, huffing whenever you passed a level without taking his advice.

It was a peaceful moment, as calm as you could get, recently. Spending time around Shigaraki didn’t make you happy, but…

You were just glad to be out of your room. Their room, too, really.

Still, the tranquility easily shattered when the front door swung open, hitting the walls with a loud crack before you could hear Dabi’s laughter. You felt the smoke before you saw him, assaulting your eyes and making them water, but that didn’t stop Dabi from lifting you out of Shigaraki’s lap with little more than a short ‘where’s my baby?’, holding you against his chest, littering pecks across your hair, only chucking when you squirmed. You hated it, the smoke, how rough his clothes felt when you buried your face in his shirt, the feeling of staples rubbing at your skin, but all you could do was stomach it, wrapping your arms around his neck, ignoring the way his heat singed your skin. He was in a good mood, which meant he would be feeling nice.

‘Nice’ meant he wouldn’t burn you, today.

“You look like shit,” Shigarakati cut in, his voice flat and a teasing smirk playing at his lips. He didn’t move to take you back, letting his partner cradle you, only leaning back, watching the display of affection with a passive dedication. “I guess the mission went well?”

Dabi let out another deep, throaty laugh, pulling you into a quick, excited kiss before he bothered responding to Shigaraki. “Oh, god no, fucking everything went wrong. I had to get out of there like the damn building was on fire,” He explained, practically falling onto the couch, forcing you to straddle his lap, but not letting you have an inch of space. Shigaraki gave him a light frown, but Dabi’s smile never faltered. “C’mon, sweetheart, have I ever let you down? Everything that’s supposed to be done got done, I just had to throw away your long-ass plan. It would’ve taken hours.” He paused, but only for a moment, playfully squeezing your thigh before he continued. “Besides, I couldn’t just let you stay home alone with (Y/n) for that long. You’re just waiting to do something creepy. Isn’t he, darling?”

“Definitely,” You mumbled, monotone at best. You didn’t speak often, these days, not when doing so seemed to always lead back to a punishment. If they cared about your reluctance, though, they didn’t show it. Luckily, neither interrupted, either. “Did you know he keeps a school-girl outfit in the closet? It’s not even my size.”

“It’s cosplay,” He growled, so defensive you couldn’t help yourself, smiling the slightest bit into Dabi’s chest. He must’ve been able to feel it, because the villain flashed a grin at his companion, Shigaraki sighing loudly, overdramatically. He pet through your hair, his touch dripping with affection, adoration, none of which were new to you, by now. “You know, we’ve been thinking about getting you a little something, lately. Since you’ve been so… well-behaved.”

“We are getting you something,” Dabi corrected, punching the other man in the side. You glance up, if only out of curiosity, letting Dabi cup your chin as you shifted to face him. “Whatever you want, just ask for it. Nothing’s off the table.”

Your heart skipped a beat, something hard lodging itself in your throat. “Anything I want?”

One of them answered you, but you weren’t sure which, or what they said, or where you were. Thoughts drowned out whatever happened around you, flooding your mind and making everything else seem hazy, unimportant. You could ask them to give you the key to your room, so you didn’t have to rely on how merciful they were feeling for your daily dose of independence. You could beg them to take you outside, just to the street you could see from the apartment’s windows, or finally tell you what happened to your family. You could feel the sun on your skin, the wind, see other people for the first time in months.

You opened your mouth, ready to ask for something, anything like what you were so desperately craving, but the words died on your tongue before you could even start. You knew what you wanted to say, but then you looked up, catching your… your captors’ eyes, and the hope you’d managed to scrap-up dissolved, disappearing and leaving you as anxious and as terrifying as ever. It was like your first day all over again, your shoulders beginning to shake, tears forming in your eyes as Shigaraki moved to wipe them away, blissfully unaware of just how badly you wanted him away from you. You scars stung, reminding you of their presence and tearing into your confidence, but all you could do was curl into yourself, a sob racking through your chest.

Dabi was the first to break your silence, faking a sympathetic look of concern. He still thought you couldn’t tell, apparently. “It’s alright if you can’t decide,” He said, the venom so potent you could practically taste it. “Some people just aren’t meant to take care of themselves.”

“How about a new console?” Shigaraki suggested, his tone more genuine, but just as satisfied as Dabi’s. “You’re getting kinda tired on the one you have now, right? We’ll get you something a little more fun.”

You were vaguely aware when you nodded, vision blurry and body trembling, everything burning and aching and hurting. You didn’t know how you felt, why you felt that way, but you were sure they were smiling, silently congratulating each other for being so loving towards their submissive, obedient, docile prisoner.

You weren’t even sure which part you should be upset about, anymore. If you could be upset, anymore.

They were just trying to do something nice, after all.

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lady-divine-writes · 4 years

Text

Kurtbastian - A Dalton Boy Recollecting (NC17)

Summary:

Sebastian wakes up to the smell of sugar and an empty bed, which end up being the first steps down memory lane. (1518 words)

Notes: Warning for a bit of Blaine hate.

Read on AO3.

Sickly sweet and slightly burnt wakes Sebastian from a restful sleep. He inhales deep, tries to place the smell, but it’s not one he can name off the bat. It’s not cloves, which he’d assume, or weed, which he could also assume. He recognizes it, but he can’t identify it for the life of him. It smells like sugar.

Warm sugar.

Cotton candy?

Cotton candy would necessitate a cotton candy machine.

Why would there be a cotton candy machine at Kurt’s house?

Marshmallow?

He breathes in again.

Yes. That’s it.

Marshmallows have a signature smell, especially when they’re cooking.

Or burning.

He turns in bed to ask his Master why the air suddenly smells of marshmallow, but the man isn’t there - his sheets wrinkled but tucked in neatly, declaring he’s done with sleep for the night. Or more accurately the morning (as a glimpse at Kurt’s alarm clock tells him).

Three in the morning.

That leads Sebastian into the Valley of Questions (as Kurt puts it, since Sebastian asks so many), which grows quite nicely alongside Kurt’s Field of Fucks, which lays barren and dead since he’s not too inclined to answer them.

Though Sebastian has his own ways of wriggling information from his Master.

Why on Earth would Kurt be cooking marshmallows at this hour of the morning? And why wouldn’t he wake Sebastian to join him?

Kurt could be planning a scene. Maybe he’s preparing and he isn’t ready for Sebastian just yet. An image of himself covered in head to toe marshmallow fluff with only his eyes visible through the white goop fills Sebastian’s brain, and he snickers. But an after thought of flaming hot food stuffs stuck to his cock knocks the snickers right out of him.

Slowly he begins to rise. With every inch off the bed, he weighs the possibility that him stumbling half-asleep into the kitchen might piss the every living fuck out of Kurt. He doesn’t have express permission to join his Master. Maybe the man needs a moment alone. But Kurt loves sleep. He avoids waking up before his requisite eleven hours if he can. So if he’s awake right now, then something’s wrong.

Sebastian’s heart aches to make sure Kurt is all right.

He pads softly, doesn’t saunter out into the kitchen like he lives there … though he spends so much time at Kurt’s and eats so much of Kurt’s food, he has considered offering to pay rent. Kurt would never accept. He balks at any attempt by Sebastian to give him money, says he doesn’t need charity from his sub. Sebastian does his best to shower Kurt with the tokens and tributes he knows Kurt will accept, along with the odd takeout meal, but Kurt is funny with regard to what he’s willing to accept.

What he doesn’t think will put him in someone else’s debt.

“I hear you, preppy, I hear you.” Kurt sighs. Then he chuckles. It’s a bitter contrast to the scent of sweet wafting through the air. “I knew I couldn’t escape you for long.”

“I’m sorry, Master,” Sebastian says respectfully. “If you’d rather I leave …”

“No, I wouldn’t rather you leave. Sit.” Kurt pushes the chair across from him out from under the table with his foot as an invitation. “Eat. There’s plenty.”

“Thank you, Master.” Sebastian settles his bare ass into the wooden chair and watches Kurt stick another marshmallow onto the tines of his fork. He flicks open his Zippo and starts roasting the marshmallow by hand. Sebastian smiles. When he’d visit his folks on the weekends, sometimes he’d roast marshmallows in the kitchen. The Smythes weren’t what one might call outdoor folk, and Sebastian hadn’t been a scout for a while, so he never got the opportunity. So he’d stand over the stove top and roast himself a few, trying his hardest not to drip on the burner and aggravate their cook. Even though it was a private ritual, it was something he’d hoped to share with someone someday, kind of like this - late night, after sex, talking about life, praying the morning would take its sweet time coming.

Even though standing over the stove top with fork in hand is how he’d expected to find Kurt, sitting at the kitchen table he uses as a submission device and roasting marshmallows over the same lighter he uses to light his joints suits him better.

“I haven’t roasted a marshmallow in about ten years,” Kurt admits, concentrating hard on the ridiculously difficult task of browning his confection evenly on all sides using the tiniest cooking flame imaginable.

“Why not?”

Kurt snorts. “Need to keep an eye on my girlish figure, of course.”

“Yeah. Right.”

Kurt glowers at the marshmallow though it’s meant for Sebastian. “What’s that supposed to mean, preppy?”

“It means you strike me as the kind of person who can clean out a fridge, gain muscle and lose weight.” Sebastian scoffs. “Classic fucking nightmare.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Good save.”

“Not a save, Master, but whatevs.”

Kurt glances at his sub sideways. This is new. Is it real? It has to be. Sebastian doesn’t lie to Kurt. But does Sebastian Smythe, hotter-than-fuck-super-athlete-extraordinaire, really have body issues surrounding his weight? Kurt knows his sub has self-esteem baggage hanging around in dark corners, but is this honestly one of them?

Kurt needs to find out. But he tucks that information away, saves it for later. Now’s not the time. “Blaine and I, we’d sneak out of bed-oops …” - Kurt’s marshmallow slips too close to the lighter and goes up in orange flame. He blows at it, trying to turn it out while he continues - “go to the kitchen and make cookies and shit.” He offers the charred and extinguished marshmallow to Sebastian, but doesn’t command that he eat it. He waits while Sebastian looks at it, shrugs to himself, then takes it.

“Cute, Master.”

“Yeah, well, you should have seen us. We were fucking adorable.”

“I believe it. So, if you don’t mind my asking …”

“… and I probably do …”

“… what inspired you to get up and roast some now?”

Kurt doesn’t answer right away, focusing on licking melted marshmallow off his fingertips, not doing the best job in the world since that’s what he has Sebastian for. “I … had a nightmare.”

“And you didn’t wake me, Master?”

“I didn’t want to bother you with my stupid crap.”

“It’s not stupid. Not if it’s you.” Sebastian pulls his marshmallow apart, eating it in pieces instead of devouring it whole. “What was it about?”

Sebastian expects to get reprimanded for asking so many questions, but Kurt doesn’t seem in the mood for scolding.

“I was in New York,” he explains. “I was still with Blaine. We were happy and in love. He wasn’t a big, controlling asshole. I wasn’t everyone’s favorite drugged-up cockpit. I was going to NYADA and working at Vogue. I had everything I ever wanted.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows shoot up. Nightmare? That sounds amazing! “How is that a nightmare, Master?”

“Because part of me knew it wasn’t real. That it wasn’t right for me - not the person I am now. Blaine showed me his true colors a long time ago. No dream will ever change him. And I wouldn’t take him back even if it did.” Kurt’s solemn expression perks up with the right corner of his mouth. “Besides, something was missing. Something important.”

Sebastian considers that revelation as he chews his marshmallow. As much as he would love to speculate over what that means, he also doesn’t want to get his hopes up. Kurt could be talking about his club, how successful it is, the work he does in the community.

He could be talking about Elliott and their tremendous friendship.

Yup, in the realm of reality, where Sebastian finds himself living less and less, Kurt has a lot more going for him than his relationship with Sebastian.

Sebastian should probably start remembering that.

“Do you dream about that a lot?”

“I did for a while. Mostly right after everything fell apart and I started wondering what went wrong, how could I have fixed it. When I came to terms with the fact that there was nothing I could have done, it stopped. But then, out of the frickin’ blue, it started up again.”

“When?”

Kurt glares at Sebastian, hands him another marshmallow. “Recently. Very recently.”

“And why do you think that is, Master?” Sebastian asks, trying not to sound too amused.

“I think that’s obvious.” Kurt snaps his lighter shut and sets it down. He climbs out of his chair and into Sebastian’s lap, straddling his legs, pressing the crotch of his cotton sleep pants against Sebastian’s naked cock. Kurt feeds Sebastian the remains of toasted marshmallow stuck to his fingers. Sebastian nips one of Kurt’s fingertips in the process. The sensation of Sebastian’s teeth sinking into Kurt’s skin shoots straight to Kurt’s groin. Kurt grins, mentally making a list of all the places he’s about to make Sebastian bite. “I’m going through an adolescent phase.”

#kurtbastian #sebkurt #sekurt

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skywardsoul · 5 years

Text

Dianakko Week 2019!

Day 1: Star-crossed Lovers/Soulmates!

@dianakko-week is finally here, and this year, I’m throwing my hat back into the ring and participating again! Hope you all enjoy my submission for day 1 and look forward to the rest of the week!

Read on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20391742/chapters/48365332

Read on FF.Net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13372417/1/Dianakko-Week-2019

“Don’t worry Diana! Astrology is one of my best subjects! With your help, we’ll be done with this project in a jiffy!”

Luna Nova’s prodigy offered a giggle and a playful roll of the eyes in response to Akko’s loud boasting. Professor Du Nord had assigned them the task of studying various forms of divination spells and writing up a report detailing their results. Honestly Diana had intended on completing the project by herself but that all changed when her professor announced they could work in pairs. It must have been mere seconds before Akko had raced over to her seat, sparkles in her eyes. Of course there was no way Diana was going to say no after that. Besides, Akko had become rather diligent in her studies as of late, and Diana found the two of the actually worked quite well together.

She recalled a few of her classmates being rather stunned when she so readily accepted. In a way she couldn’t blame them. Afterall, her close friendship with Akko was more of a recent development. Once the noir missile crisis was over, things changed between the two young witches. It’s amazing how easily one gets to trust another once they've stopped a world ending threat together. As frightening as the event was, Diana guessed she owed it a level of thanks. Her friendship with Akko had become rather important to her, and she wouldn’t have it, at least not as easily, were it not for impending doom.

What was that saying? The strongest bonds were born out of turmoil? It was something to that degree, but Diana couldn’t quite remember it. A Diana of the past might have been annoyed by that, but if the Diana of now had learned something from her brunette friend, it was that sometimes it was okay to not sweat the small stuff. The excitable witch in question walked happily alongside her as the two continued on their way back to her dorm. They had gone to borrow several needed astrology texts from the library, as well as some supplies from their professor.

“I really need to remember to buy a new scrying mirror,” Diana thought off handily to herself.

Eventually they reached the blue team’s dorm, and Diana opened the door for her friend.

“After you, Akko,” Diana said with a smile.

“Why thank you my lady Cavendish,” Akko said, with an exaggerated posh accent. “How very gentlewomanly of you.”

For some reason, Diana felt something in her chest tighten as Akko said ‘my lady Cavendish.’ Figuring it was best to ignore that for the time being, Diana enter the room after Akko, and quietly closed the door behind her. As she turned around to face the room proper, the sight that greeted her didn’t surprise her in the least. She had to suppress a giggle as Akko threw herself onto her couch with an exaggerated sigh. Thankfully Akko had the sense to set down the many books she was carrying before doing so.

“You know Akko, I may only be a student like yourself, but that doesn’t look like working on our project to me,” Diana teased as she sat opposite of her sprawled out friend.

“Well yeah, we just got out of class Diana! It’s the weekend! We should take a bit of break first!” Akko argued.

“Akko, classes let out more than an hour ago.”

“Okay but we went to the library and to Chariot’s office right after. Still totally felt like we were working.”

“What happened to finishing this project in a jiffy?”

Akko rolled over onto her stomach and turned her head towards Diana.

“We will! Which is why we have time to relax!” Akko said with a bit of smugness. This time, Diana couldn’t suppress the laugh she felt bubbling up. Only Akko could find such logic so sound.

“Counterpoint,” Diana said. “If we complete the assignment now, won’t we have more time to relax later?”

Akko let out another exaggerated groan but conceded Diana’s point. “Yeah I know. But you’re buying us icecream later!”

“Deal,” Diana said, satisfied. Forget all her debate training. Winning an argument with Atsuko Kagari was all Diana needed to prove she was a master of words.

As Diana got to work opening books and laying out things to write notes with, Akko sat up and lightly smacked her cheeks in an attempt to get into her, “focused mode,” as she had once put it.

“Alrighty! I'm ready to work!” Akko declared confidently. “What, uh, should I do first?” her early confidence sure didn’t last. Diana raised an eyebrow at her friend. She had a sneaking suspicion about something.

“Akko, you are aware of what we have to do for this project, right?”

Akko let out an awkward cough and suddenly found the wall of the room quite interesting.

“Of course I do,” she said somewhat indignantly.

Suspicion confirmed. Akko had no idea. Diana figured she probably only tuned into Professor Du Nord’s words the second she said ‘partner up,’ and hadn’t heard much else. Diana found that she didn’t care all that much though. That just meant Akko was excited to have her as a partner in this didn’t it? That she was excited to spend more time with her. The tightness in her chest from earlier returned. Thankfully, Akko shook her from her thoughts before she could ponder on it.

“If did need a refresher though, which I don’t! What were we supposed to do again?” Akko said sheepishly, turning back to face Diana.

Figuring that was about as much pride she was gonna get Akko to swallow, she took out her notes from class.

“Professor Du Nord has instructed us to select three different divination rituals and record our findings once we’ve properly conducted them,” Diana explained.

Akko tilted her head slightly in confusion. “Wait a minute. Don’t we need stars to do that?”

Diana shook her head. “While many astrological divinations do require observation of the patterns of the stars, there are several that do not.”

Flipping through one of the books they borrowed, Diana stopped on a page and turned the book towards Akko. “Palm reading, for example, uses the natural lines of one's hand in combination with magic to predict certain things about their future life.”

Akko had begun reading the book Diana had handed her, but snapped her attention up the second she heard Diana say “future.”

“Woah! Can you really tell someone’s future? I thought divinations, was more like, suggestions of destiny and stuff. Like the one we practiced in class.” Akko asked.

“Well you are correct in a sense. No divination can one hundred percent tell someone's future, but the more powerful the spell, and the more concrete the ritual is, the more certain one can be. Star-scrying is on the lower end of the spectrum in this sense,” Diana explained.

Akko sure seemed eager to try out a divination now. “Well then what are we waiting for? Let’s tell some futures!!”

And with that the two launched into their assignment. It wasn’t a terribly difficult one, so they were making good progress. It seemed that Akko’s early boast of “finishing in a jiffy,” was looking to be a reality. The most time consuming part of the project, if anything was the setting up of each ritual. Diana had tried to steer them clear of any particularly difficult and powerful spells, but even the midrange ones required a fair bit of precise preparation. Still, one palm reading and one water gazing later and the two witches were close to wrapping up their assignment. Akko had gone back to laying down on the couch, her feet kicking in the air idly as she thumbed through a book on plant divnations, looking for their last target. Diana was looking through a larger, much older tome. This one seemed quite focused on soul divination, reading one’s very magical energy to obtain a glance at the future. The concept was intriguing for sure, but most of the spells in the book were very high level. Most of these could only be done by a heavily accomplished astrologer. Professor Du Nord herself might even struggle with some.

As she flipped through the book however, something caught her eye. She hadn’t really meant to linger on the page for as long as she did, but something about it gave her pause. Written in thin cursive letters at the top of the yellowing page was the words, “Amor Meam: discovering one’s soulmate.”

The spell apparently required little to no actual set up surprisingly. That being said, it did require a high level of soul bending ability. For the spell to work the caster had to practically connect themselves to the world’s leylines. When it was successfully done, it would allow the caster to sense others magical energies. Which ever one felt the strongest to them, no matter how far away that energy was, was said to be their destined love. It was certainly an...interesting prospect, but surely not one Diana had any need for, right? As she thought this, she found herself looking up at Akko. The heart started to race with a vengeance. Quickly Diana turned her gaze back to the book. Nope, this spell was not useful to her at all. Besides, it was probably too difficult. It was best to turn close the book and simply forget-

“Woah!” Came Akko’s voice, suddenly from over Diana’s shoulder.

Diana felt her heart leap into her throat as she turned around startled.

“Akko! Wh-what, where...when did you!?” Diana stuttered uselessly, a crimson blush beginning to paint her face.

Akko, to her credit, seemed to make sense of her startled friend’s babbling. “You were reading really intenly a few seconds ago, so I wanted to see what about.”

An excited sparkle entered Akko’s eye as she picked up the book that Diana now realized she had flung in her panic.

“Can this spell really tell you your soulmate? That’s so cool!!” Akko squealed a bit excitedly before turning back to face Diana. She knew exactly what her friend was about to say. “Diana! We gotta try it!”

Thankfully Diana had a bit of time to recompose herself, and was ready with an answer. “I’m afraid that wouldn’t be a very good idea Akko,” She tried to ignore the deflated expression on the Japanese girl’s face. “It’s a very high level spell. One that I’m not even confident I could pull off.”

Akko however, wasn’t going down without a fight. “Oh come on Diana! You’re the best witch in our grade, hell probably the whole school! If anyone can pull it off it’s you!”

“I don’t know Akko. Soul bending is rather tricky, it’s-”

“Please Diana! Can’t we at least try? Don’t you want to know about your soulmate? Isn’t that like, super romantic??”

Diana knew she had lost this argument as Akko affixed her with her best puppy dog eyes. There was no way in hell Diana was going to fill those eyes with disappointment. Damn. What had she said earlier? That she could win an argument with Atsuko Kagari? Ha! What a joke. With a resigned sigh Diana took the book from Akko’s hands and laid it on the table in front of her.

“I suppose it couldn't hurt to try,” Diana relented. “I could use the soul bending practice anyhow.”

“Yay! Thank you so much Diana!” Akko cheered. “What should I do?”

“This doesn’t really require more than one person, so feel free to sit quietly and wait,” Diana said. Despite her current nervousness, a bit of playfulness made its way into her voice.

It was weird to think about, the fact that she was nervous. What was she? Did she not want to mess up the soul bending? No, that couldn’t be it. This particular spell was fairly harmless. Messing it up wasn’t dangerous in the least. Did she not want to disappoint Akko. No that wasn’t it either, but Akko did seem to be at the center of it. Why did she immediately look to Akko the second she read what the spell did? Maybe she wanted Akko to ask her about it? Maybe, deep down she wanted to try it too.

Whatever the reason for its cause, Diana couldn’t afford to focus on being nervous right now. Soul bending required a large amount of concentration. Slowly, Diana took a deep breath and drew her wand. As she felt her breathing even out and her inner energy grow stable, Diana brought her wand in front of her face and spoke at a near deathly quiet,

“Amor Meam.”

The sensation the followed was strange, but not unpleasant. Diana had done some low level soul bending before, so the feeling wasn’t entirely alien to her. It felt a bit like a warm hug. Once she got a hold of her own magical energy, the tricky part came next. Now she had to connect it to a leyline. Thankfully the was one fairly close to Luna Nova. Slowly Diana felt for it, searching for the surge of magical energy she knew she would feel once she found it. For a few minutes, Diana thought she had failed, and that she wasn’t a strong enough soul bender to seek it out. All of a sudden, however, she found it.

If manipulating your own magical energy felt like a warm hug, then connecting it to a leyline was like stepping into a heated room after having been out in the cold. The world’s magic surged through Diana’s body and in that instant, she knew. She had actually pulled the spell off! Slowly, Diana opened her eyes.

For a split second, Diana feared that she somehow blinded herself. A powerful, white light shone in her eyes, blocking out nearly everything else from her vision. What was that? She soon got her answer. Gradually, the glow began to fade, and as Diana regained more and more of her vision, she realized it’s source: Akko. The brunette witch eagerly watched Diana, her fist clenched in anticipation as the glow of her magical energy slowly subsided. Immediately the text of the book played back in Diana’s mind.

“Who’s ever magical energy glowed the brightest was the caster’s one, true, soulmate.”

“Well!?” Akko asked suddenly, ripping Diana back to reality. “Did it work!? What did you see?”

In that moment, Diana had no earthly idea how she managed to put up a semi-normal facade.

“No, Akko. It, uh didn’t. I didn’t see anything,” Diana said.

“Whaaat? Aww man!” Akko said with a pout, crossing her arms in disappointment. “Guess you were right Diana. That spell was too tricky.”

“Yes. Quite. Let’s find another one, shall we?”

“Yes ma’am!” Akko said, turning back to her book.

She took no notice of how hard Diana’s heart was pounding, or how flushed her face was becoming.

#dianakko week 2019 #little witch academia #diakko #dianakko #atsuko kagari #diana cavendish #lwa #alec writes

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spyder-m · 4 years

Text

Cloti Confessions II: “Express”

A/N: Late submission for @finalheaven’s Cloti Confessions 2020 Event. I wasn’t able to get anything done in time for Part 1 on Valentine’s, so I’ve combined both parts into one story.

Summary: While making some Valentine’s Day deliveries for Tifa, Cloud couldn't help but notice she'd made chocolate for seemingly all their male friends except him. Unsure of what he’d done to upset her, Cloud decides to break from tradition and give her a White Day gift anyway. Little does he realise, Tifa had her reasons for leaving him out.

Ao3 / FF.net / Twitter

“My teacher says that Valentine’s Day is coming up.”

It was during a lull in the dinner rush that Marlene spoke up, knowing not to bother Tifa when she was busy with customers. Papa had always taught her it was bad manners to interrupt people.

She had glanced up from her homework, watching expectantly as Tifa moved around the bar; wiping down tables and clearing used glasses; hoping to catch her attention.

"That's right," Tifa answered with a smile.

It was a day she had been anticipating, normally a busy time of year for Seventh Heaven. With the recent passing of the Stigma, she expected business would be booming once again. Couples would flock to different venues across the city, hoping to enjoy a romantic evening together, while those spending the night alone sought somewhere to drown their sorrows.

Though Tifa may dread the stress of the spike in customers, the revenue they brought with them always made it worthwhile.

“Well," Marlene continued. "My teacher says that on Valentine's Day girls are supposed to give chocolate to boys...”

Tifa stilled in her practised motion of wiping down the countertop, a frown sullying her expression.

It was a conversation she had suspected might come up soon. Marlene and Denzel were both approaching their pre-teen years, the point where those feelings and hormones began bubbling up. It wouldn't be long before she would need to think about organising them their own, separate rooms.

Still, despite the thought she'd given the topic, it was still something Tifa found difficult to approach as a parental figure. Having lost her mother at a young age, she didn't have much experience to draw upon. Given the rather muddled state of her relationship with Cloud; the difficulty they each faced with expressing their own feelings; Tifa wasn't sure she was in the best position to offer advice.

Though, with Barrett away, Tifa felt the responsibility fell to her. Her father might not be in the clearest state of mind, anyway; learning his little girl was developing an interest in boys.

Tifa set the washcloth down, collecting in her mind, what she hoped was a tactful string of words. Yet, before she could finish piecing together her answer, Marlene spoke up again.

"I want to make chocolates for Papa... Denzel too. Tifa, can you help me?"

Blinking, an exhale of relief broke from Tifa's lips as the realisation settled in.

In her line of work, the focus was typically placed on the romantic aspect of Valentine's, forgetting there was another element to it entirely.

The gifts shared on the holiday could hold different meanings.

Chocolates were also given by women to the men they held platonic, familial relationships with. Marlene's school must have been introducing the concept to their students, suggesting they make chocolate for the boys in their class and who they were friends with.

Satisfied, Tifa nodded to Marlene with a smile.

"Of course, sweetie."

“So, Tifa. Are you going to make chocolates for Cloud?”

Tifa's hand slipped, almost spilling the batter she had been carefully pouring into the mould. Having worked in diligent silence; following the steps outlined in the recipe she'd written out; it startled Tifa when Marlene spoke up suddenly.

Her gaze shifted, catching Marlene's eyes weighing on her in genuine curiosity.

She hadn't made any plans for Valentine's Day herself, not having taken part in the tradition since she was a child; concerned more so with the impending customer rush. Though with the remnants and Geostigma vanquished, she supposed the celebration could be an opportunity to welcome Cloud back home, to thank Barrett for his years of support.

Perhaps she could even send some chocolates out to Cid, Reeve and… Well, she wasn’t sure if Vincent liked sweets, but perhaps he would appreciate the gesture, regardless.

“Yes, I suppose I should. And your papa too.” Tifa tacked on.

“No, not those kinds of chocolate!" Marlene protested, arms folding in exasperation. "The chocolate you give to boys that you like.”

"W- What are you talking about Marlene?" Tifa ducked her head, focus drawn intently back towards the mixture before them.

The lilt of confusion in her voice was noticeably strained, too much so to seem genuine. Marlene smiled, suspecting that she had been on the mark.

The young girl was quite intuitive beyond her years.

Thinking on it, Tifa wouldn't have been surprised if this had all been a ploy of hers to bring them closer together.

It was an idea so inherently Marlene, innocent and idealistic. The thought that her guardians could be brought together through a lone, affectionate gesture. That the years of tension between them would magically dissipate and their lingering, dormant feelings would spring back to the surface once more.

As taken as Tifa was by the romance of the idea; as much as she wished things could be that simple; she was too grounded in reality. That naive sense of hope had been stripped away over the course of her short life, the trials she had survived through.

Their relationship was complicated. No chocolates or cards could encapsulate all that they had been through together, every feeling that she wanted to express to him. They had strayed too far from the children in Nibleheim who might have taken part in such a tradition.

Besides, with Cloud having only recently returned home, their family unit had begun to regain a semblance of normality, its old shape. She didn’t want to risk damaging that by pressuring Cloud too much, too soon.

Shaking her head, Tifa remained firm in her decision. She would make the offering as a token of their friendship, their business partnership, as family, but nothing more.

Though, while the chocolates set; on the surface, practically indistinguishable from one another; Tifa recognised they were not the same. That, somehow, Cloud's chocolates seemed out of place from what she'd made for Barrett or Cid.

Consciously, she may have followed the recipe precisely each time, there were still feelings contained in Cloud's batch much stronger, born of an inherent care and affection she held for him.

To present them out of obligation, or even friendship would be dishonest. Her heart had already acted independently of her mind, a warmth flowing into the batter that she could not contain. While it was a feeling Tifa may have been able to place or convey effectively through words, she sensed it was something much deeper.

- February 14th -

Mornings had become a ritual she enjoyed sharing with him.

Early starts were something they held in common. Her, needing time to prepare the bar for the evening peak and him aiming to have his deliveries finished early, allowing for fewer late-nights home and more time to his family.

With the kids not needing, or wanting, to be coaxed out of bed for at least another hour, Tifa appreciated the company.

The bleak, grey skies that stretched across Edge before drawn had once struck her as oppressive and lonely; a reminder of the fear and affliction that crippled so many throughout the city, that had torn him away from her. With time, she found herself focusing more on the light, the flecks of pink and blue, bursting through.

Though they wouldn't always exchange much in the way of contact, or even words, she could feel herself steadily drawing more of Cloud back out. The subtle, occasional tilt of his lips, the shadow of a smile, an even rarer, gentle touch of his hand at her shoulder, lingering as he made his goodbyes.

Mostly, however, she was content to remain in silence.

There was something calming about being in his presence as they basked in the light of dawn breaking through the kitchen. It seemed routine, domestic.

It reminded her of how much she'd missed him.

Though, on this morning, she sat before him a bundle of nerves, dreading she might give herself away.

It hung in her every action. From her concentrated efforts to not make conversation, to how her eyes would deliberately draw away from his own; fixated upon her breakfast.

It was doubtful that Cloud hadn’t sensed something off with her. While at times, he may have seemed insensitive to others' emotions, he'd always been adept at reading her.

With that in mind, it seemed best to cast her embarrassment aside.

Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, Tifa willed herself to speak up, to break the silence she normally savoured and offer up the package kept secure behind her back.

Instead, they remained caught at opposite ends of the table, a seemingly endless void between them. The fingers on Tifa's free hand pushed absently at the scraps of untouched food lining her plate, wanting to reach out to him, caught internally between acting on her feelings and being crippled by insecurity.

She flinched as Cloud's chair dragged along the kitchen floor, and he rose to his feet. Her eyes still did not lift, but Tifa could follow the pattern of his feet across the tiled floor as he moved through the kitchen.

"I'm off." He announced eventually, setting his coffee mug in the sink.

“Wait, Cloud!" Tifa called abruptly, moving to stand herself. "Before you leave, if you don't mind- I actually have some packages for you.”

"For me?"

"Well," Tifa reiterated, voice subdued once more. "Some things I need you to deliver."

Of all the things Tifa could be keeping secret from him, a small, innocuous bundle of parcels; seemingly all addressed to their friends; had not been what Cloud had expected.

It was odd that she would be bashful over such a simple request. He'd transported packages for her many times before. With all the help she'd given his business in the past; taking calls, relaying messages onto him; it was only fair.

Perhaps she felt guilty asking at such short notice? Cloud wasn't entirely sure.

Still, he was curious as to what Tifa was needed to be delivered. Usually, when she asked a favour of him, it wasn't to send packages out, but rather make a pickup. Most often, of ingredients for 7th Heaven. Hops, spices and exotic fruits or vegetables were value commodities for Tifa, who liked to keep her menu fresh with unique recipes or brews.

It wasn't until Cloud arrived at Corel and handed Barrett over his package; a heart-shaped note attached in Marlene's neat handwriting; that it struck him.

Of course, he recalled. It was Valentine's Day.

Curious and eager to see what his daughter had sent, Barrett immediately tore into the paper, revealing a box of hand-made chocolates.

It brought a smile to Cloud's face watching the burly ex-Avalanche member’s eyes water, as he gushed over the lovingly made treats; promising to call his baby girl as soon as Cloud left.

After all that their small found family had endured, the scene was touching.

Though, Cloud felt his lips crease into a frown as he lingered, staring at the note. The note, he noticed, that was signed from both Marlene and Tifa.

Cloud knew there was no reason for him to feel jealous.

After he had left Tifa without a word all those weeks ago, she had every right to be upset with him. She certainly didn't owe him anything, much less a display of affection as open as Valentine's Chocolates.

Still, he couldn't suppress the resentment that bubbled up in his chest with each carefully planned gift he handed over to another of their friends; seeing the flash of genuine surprise and joy it brought them.

He grew ever conscious that Tifa had apparently made chocolates for all of her male friends but him.

Before mounting Fenrir once again, Cloud would rummage thoroughly through each of the bike's compartments, hoping to find a lone, errant package that he'd somehow missed; hidden in the far-reaching corners.

But, each time, his hand would retreat, empty.

The feeling it brought Cloud wasn't unlike what he'd experienced as a shy, young boy in Nibleheim, watching from afar as Tifa Lockhart played with her friends.

As the day carried on, he became all the more taken by the urge to leave the gifts out in the warm, midday sun. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to so callously ruin Tifa and Marlene's hard work, knowing how much it would hurt them.

When he later stopped by Rocket Town, Cid had been insistent that he come in and enjoy the treats with him over tea. Cloud had refused, claiming he was behind on schedule, but already imagining the bitter taste the chocolates would leave on his tongue.

"Fair enough," Cid chuckled, his grin sly. "I suppose you get to eat stuff like this all the time."

Cloud couldn't help but suspect that the bite to Cid's seemingly innocuous words was intentional, as if he sensed something was amiss.

Either way, Cloud left Rocket Town in a fouler mood than he had entered it.

He knew he was being irritational. He didn't suspect for a moment that any of the chocolates were meant as romantic gestures; particularly as many of them came co-signed by Marlene. But, even if any were, why should it bother him?

Tifa was her own person, and a lot had passed them by over the years. For all he knew, the feelings he suspected she once held for him, could have been among them.

Still, to not even receive chocolates from her, as a sign of their friendship, stung.

Cloud had felt, slowly, more comfortable in opening up to her again, that things were steadily progressing back to how they’d once been. Though, in actuality, it seemed his actions had hurt Tifa far more than he’d initially realised.

Being on the road with nothing but his thoughts and the throttle of Fenrir's engine; tires dragging against the winding bitumen; gave Cloud time to ponder.

It seemed that now, for all the effort and frustration Tifa had exuded trying to bring him happiness; to create a loving, stable home for their family; the onus to mend things fell on him. Cloud, for once, would need to take the initiative.

Perhaps he should break from tradition. Give her something on White Day, despite not having been prompted, and apologise. Properly.

Maybe that could set their relationship back on track.

But for now, he resolved, as he turned Fenrir into the alley behind Seventh Heaven, he would simply offer her a simple reassurance. It wouldn’t be words or even presents, but his actions, that proved things would be different from now on.

"I'm back," Cloud announced, as he stepped through the garage back into the bar. His greeting carried through the empty room, unanswered and Cloud sighed, hand fisting into matted, windswept hair.

Despite spacing his deliveries out over several days and encouraging customers to get their Valentine’s orders prepared early, the day had still been long and draining for Cloud. The mental and emotional taxing he had put himself through, certainly hadn't made things easier.

It pained Cloud to realise that, even with his best efforts, he hadn’t been able to arrive home until well after closing time. That the solace he found in the day’s end; seeing the kids and Tifa, being in their company; had slipped through their fingers. At a time when his spirit needed lifting the most.

Despite the darkness that blanketed most of the room, Cloud was surprised to find light breaking from the kitchen. Ears perking up, he was drawn to the low rumble of pint glasses and crockery as they were submerged beneath dishwater.

Tifa was still up.

Cloud frowned. Even after having finished a likely, long, gruelling shift herself, Tifa couldn't take it easy. At least, once his deliveries were finished, his work was done and he could relax.

Yet, after her last customer had left, remnants of their patronage remained littered throughout the bar. Dishes that stacked up, tables in need of wiping and stocks that needed to be resupplied.

She could use a hand, Cloud thought.

Despite the ache and exhaustion that was beginning to seep into his bones, he moved towards the kitchen.

"Tifa?" He called, dipping his head through the gap in the open door.

"Oh, Cloud!" Her head turned from the small pile of dishes before her. Despite the apparent fatigue clinging to her, her visage remained bright and cheerful as always. It radiated through him in a warm, cleansing energy.

Cloud's eyes bulged, struck again in amazement by how Tifa could remain such an uplifting force, even when weighed down. It was a quality he had grown eternally indebted to, a constant guidance and support in his life.

"Welcome home!"

"What are you still doing up?" He accused, voice stern.

To anyone who knew them, Cloud lecturing Tifa might have come as amusing; as if they were swapping out the roles they took in one another's lives. For Cloud, it made sense. For as often as Tifa expressed concern for him, she deserved the same courtesy.

"Cleaning up," Tifa answered. "We were hit pretty hard tonight, as expected, but just have to wash the dishes and I’ll be done."

"You must be tired." Cloud continued, moving behind her. "You should sit down. Let me take care of this."

"What? No, I couldn’t ask you to do that. You’ve been making deliveries all day-"

"You’ve been standing all day. Come on," Cloud insisted, resting a hand against her shoulder; any inhibition he held, tempered by the need to comfort her. "Let me help you."

Tifa lips pursed as she considered the offer, that moment of hesitance stretching into an uncomfortable silence between them. Cloud swallowed, wondering if he had pressed too far.

He had taken encouragement when Tifa had, not only not pushed him away, but leaned unconsciously closer in his grasp. The tightness coiling in her muscles eased. It was contact that he relished, felt almost starved of.

After stewing in self-resentment, conscious of how much he’d taken her for granted, Cloud was overcome by the urge to hold her, to set things right. That she seemed to reciprocate, brought a flow of relief through Cloud.

It was enough to pull him further forward, hands seeking her own amidst the grime-stained dishwater. To his surprise, Tifa relented, the sponge loosening from her grip.

For as proud and committed as Tifa was to her work, allowing him to take over spoke to how tired she must have been. Cloud could already feel the groves pruning her soapy fingers as they brushed against his own. It pleased him, knowing he could help relieve some of that burden, simply by scrubbing away at a grease-laden plate.

Though he had hoped Tifa would leave for her bedroom, he noticed her idling beside him.

"Thank you, Cloud," She murmured, the words slipping through the haze of sleep gradually pulling her under.

Unfiltered by the guard of self-consciousness Tifa would, at times, lock herself behind, her voice held a raw, almost vulnerable, honesty. They were words spilt directly from the heart; without a thought, a moment to hesitate, or hold back any modicum of the love imbued into them.

They shook through Cloud, carrying up the curvature of his back in soothing tingles.

"I- It's nothing." He answered, ducking his head. His concentration remained steady on the dishes beneath him, knowing if he turned the effect of her words would show in his expression. "Don't worry about it."

He was surprised and flushed by how genuinely touched Tifa had been at his offer; taking on a job she did every night, without thanks. It was the least she deserved and couldn't begin to even approach the lengths she had gone to for him.

Cloud couldn't help but wonder if such a simple action should really feel so fulfilling. If the happiness it gave her was something, he had any right to share in.

Guilt that he was still learning to let go of.

Gritting his teeth, Cloud scrubbed harshly at the pint glass in his hands. The grime broke away easily; an outlet for the tension and frustration those thoughts left him with.

He sighed, setting it aside on the dish rack. Drawn suddenly, to the steady pattern of breathing, he caught Tifa’s sleeping form in his periphery.

"Tifa?" Cloud turned.

With him offering to finish up cleaning, he thought she would have left, retreating to her room for the night.

Yet, she had opted to stay. Instead, finding sleep at the kitchen table, head cushioned by her arms. Perhaps wanting to bask in his presence a little longer; to reassure herself that he was around.

Her position looked uncomfortable, but that did little to sully the contentment easing her expression. Her hair billowed around her, stray wisps of black dragging listlessly with each breath. Cloud swallowed, his hand pulling unconsciously towards her.

He couldn't quite place what made it such a captivating by the sight for him.

It was not unlike what he’d seen underneath the Highwind, as he'd watched her sleeping form bathed in the morning's light. A memory of how, in her embrace, the dread for what awaited them had slipped away so easily.

But perhaps, more poignantly, it was a reminder of his place in their family. The love and sense of belonging they gave him. It was that feeling he had yearned for, that drove him to keep moving.

Still, he didn't want Tifa to lose out on deep, uninterrupted sleep. For all the time she had waited up for him before, Cloud wanted to ensure she was well-rested.

Moving from the sink, he carefully eased her chair back; not wanting it to scrape along the tiled floor. His arms surrounded her, lulled by the warm shape of her body. The weight was not a strain upon him. It was familiar, comforting.

Tifa leant into him without restraint, unconsciously seeking more of the comfort of his grasp. A heaviness bled into Cloud's eyes. His vision blurred as if drawn by the temptation to join her.

Shaking his head, Cloud dragged his gaze towards the ceiling; hoping the garish, neon lights would keep him awake. He flinched beneath the unrelenting glare.

He couldn't fall asleep. Not yet.

Not while he was standing in the middle of the bar, holding onto Tifa. He needed to get her into bed and then finish off the last of the dishes.

Cloud took slow, measured steps as he carefully navigated his way upstairs; knowing the footfalls of his heavy boots would carry. He didn't want to disturb Marlene and Denzel while they were sleeping.

Shifting Tifa's weight in his arms, he managed to blindly grasp the handle of her bedroom door, easing it open with his foot. Cloud could feel his strength waning as he struggled to keep her steady; all the while yanking the sheets from their tightly bound incarceration beneath the mattress.

With an exhale, she was coaxed begrudgingly out his arms.

He slipped Tifa gingerly underneath the covers, opting to avoid any unnecessary awkwardness by removing only her shoes. His hand lingered in caressing her cheek as he set her down; stroking away the fringe that guarded her serene expression.

Catching himself, Cloud was swift to make his leave. Determined to reach his own bed before temptation overtook him and he collapsed in her arms.

Turning, Cloud's eyes lingered on a box sitting at Tifa's nightstand, catching a flash of his own name. His heart jolted, a hopeful flutter rising through his chest. Stumbling, with a soft curse, Cloud's hand rubbed lazily against his eye; suspecting his tired brain may have been playing tricks.

Curiosity piqued, and vision clear, he turned back towards the nightstand, gaze immediately drawn to the package that lay there. As if still plagued by doubt, Cloud's hand sought the box, finding it unmistakeably solid in his grasp; real.

She had made him chocolates after all.

Holding them, in almost silent reverence, Cloud was touched. Though, unsure as to why she had kept them from him.

His hand traced over the box, wondering if it would be alright for him to take. While the gift had been intended for him, Tifa had never actually handed it over, and would certainly notice if it went missing.

Yet, it would be difficult to hide that he had seen it after he'd taken her up to her room. It was sitting in plain sight on her nightstand.

That could make things tense between them.

Flinching, Cloud gingerly placed the box back where he'd found it. Naively entertaining the odds that she might not suspect anything.

There must have been a reason for her to have kept them. There couldn't have been anything wrong with the chocolates otherwise Tifa wouldn't have wrapped them.

Besides, considering Tifa's cooking and what he had seen of the other gifts that he'd handed out over the day, he couldn't imagine it would be anything less than the highest quality.

Perhaps she had had a change of heart? Hesitating, for one reason or another, at the last moment.

He suspected that if the chocolates had been made out of obligation, Tifa surely wouldn’t have had any reason to feel shy about sharing them.

It seemed clear to Cloud that Tifa's affection for him was still there. A fact that he had, not that long ago, held in doubt. If the chocolates she'd made were merely out of obligation, she wouldn't have felt any embarrassment in sharing them.

All of a sudden it seemed so very apparent, permeating through the way she acted around him. The gratitude she expressed to him over the seemingly most menial things, her willingness and desire to stay beside him even in her worst state.

He wondered what then, was making her hesitate. Was she unsure about his feelings? Had it been his own indecisiveness that had paralysed her, had kept them from both reaching happiness?

Shutting the door behind him quietly, Cloud resolved to erase that doubt once and for all.

Tifa would no longer be uncertain about his feelings.

For Cloud, the month that followed was strenuous.

The revelation that Tifa, on some level, loved him; or at least, cared enough to make him something for Valentine's; spurred within him a maelstrom of emotion.

Having the mystery of Tifa's resolved for him, directly from the source, both elated and relieved Cloud. There still a chance he could fix things, that he could make their family happy.

But, at the same time, he was frustrated that he couldn't yet answer her. It ate away at him each time he saw her. In how the words, the gestures between them were suddenly painted in a different light.

Still, he was determined to hold out and bide his time until White Day. That way it could be something special. He couldn't reveal that he knew about the chocolates she'd made in secret, not until it was a fitting occasion to reciprocate.

He wanted to surprise Tifa, in a grand, romantic gesture that she deserved.

Being around Tifa was something Cloud relished. Even if they weren't doing or speaking about anything in particular, her presence always brought him comfort. It was the lone constant he hadn't managed to hold onto throughout his life.

Now it was as if he, and their relationship, had regressed. Back to how they'd been just a few months ago. He struggled even to maintain eye-contact, as though worried he might unconsciously give something away.

His shift in demeanour hadn't gone unnoticed by Tifa. Cloud sensed an awkward tension between them, as though Tifa was watching him with more scrutiny. From the pained, crestfallen expression that her eyes, the lines her face set unconsciously into and the worries she was carrying within herself.

It tempted Cloud all the more to speak up.

When he'd had the Stigma, Cloud's work had become his crutch. The time on the road helping to distract him and keep away from Tifa.

Taking on extra deliveries was not an option for Cloud. He had promised Tifa that he would be around more. He offered to help around the bar, hoping it would keep his mind off of things. Though, in doing so, he neglected one crucial detail. Tifa worked at the bar. To help out in any way around 7th Heaven; be it busing tables, taking orders; he would have to go through her.

The only distraction afforded to Cloud was perfecting his White Day plans.

Though, they carried their own problem.

He still had no idea what he was going to do.

"Why are you and Tifa acting weird again, Cloud?"

Marlene stood, back straight and fists clenched at her sides, trying to appear as imposing as impossible. It was an endearing sight, the amusement it brought him perhaps lingering too long in his eyes.

With a huff, anger coiled Marlene's face tighter.

"Didn't she give you her chocolates?"

Cloud's eyes widened, fleetingly, surprised to hear she knew of Tifa's secret Valentine's Gift for him.

Though, they had made several batches together. Perhaps, his was among them.

Still, Cloud needed to choose his words carefully. As far as Tifa knew, he had never seen the chocolates. He would need to lie if he wanted to keep his story straight.

"What are you talking about?" Cloud asked, feigning innocence. Marlene, luckily, did not press the issue.

"You and Tifa hardly talk anymore. It's just like when you were sick. She won't say anything, but it's making her sad."

Cloud ducked his head, conscious this wasn't the first time he had been reprimanded by Marlene.

It was a stark contrast from the young girl who had once shied away from him.

"It's not that, Marlene." Cloud hesitated, wanting urgently to argue what she was saying.

His eyes held Marlene's earnestly, as his voice softened.

"I want to do something for Tifa on White Day. I'm just having trouble deciding what it should be."

"Really?" Marlene's looked hopeful.

Cloud flinched, scanning quickly over each corner of the bar before nodding.

An exuberant Marlene grabbed at his hand unexpectedly, pulling with all of her weight. Startled, Cloud lost his balance, stumbling onto his feet.

Confused, Cloud let Marlene guide him across the bar in the direction of the kitchen.

"You're supposed to give Chocolates to the girls you like." She eventually filled in.

"Oh, okay," Cloud said, glancing towards the front door. "Well, I guess I could buy some."

"Uh-uh," Marlene shook her head. "Home-made ones are better. They show you care."

Cloud paused, mulling the idea over. It hadn't been one he'd considered, owing to utter lack of culinary skill, but it was true.

There was more care given to something made from scratch. Not only in the effort put into specially making it, but in how it made the present unique.

It reminded him fondly of the home-cooked meals his mother used to make, the distinct flavours of her food he never quite since found replicated.

It was a treasured memory he longed to gift, to share with Tifa. Well, if not for one small detail.

"But I don't know how to make chocolate-"

"I can help you make them!" Marlene interjected; her heart seemingly set on the idea. "Tifa showed me how! She even wrote out a recipe for me to follow."

"I appreciate that Marlene, but I'm still not sure it's a good idea. Where would we make them? We can't do it at the bar, Tifa would find out."

"Hm, you're right." Marlene stopped, touching her free hand to her chin in thought.

"I appreciate you letting us do this, Reeve."

"Not at all. Happy to help out an old friend."

It hadn't been a request Reeve expected to receive from Cloud; a kitchen he could use, where he wouldn't be found by Tifa. Still, it was one he was willing to accommodate. If, for nothing other than sheer curiosity. So, he allowed him use of one of the kitchens in the WRO, normally used by staff or for functions.

Cloud had taken the day off from deliveries, leaving with Marlene on the guise of taking her to see Barret. The excuse was flimsy. Judging the way her arms folded and eyes narrowed, Cloud sensed that Tifa felt so too.

Still, she could take comfort in knowing that he wasn't planning on taking off somewhere. Not while Marlene was with him.

"I see you're making more chocolates, Marlene. I have to thank you for the ones you sent me. They were delicious."

"Thanks!" Marlene beamed. "Tifa helped me make those, and now I'm helping Cloud."

"I see. Although I have to say, they do look slightly... different from how I remember mine."

Cloud lifted a glare over his shoulder at Reeve, whose hands rose defensively.

Though, as he looked back down at the chocolates, Cloud found it hard to argue.

He couldn't help but compare them to what Tifa had made and feel a flash of insecurity. Despite his effort and Marlene's guidance, the misshapen pieces had been the best he could achieve.

It was surprising. Even with his time training under Shinra, the countless drills and katas. Even his experience working on and fixing delicate machinery, like Fenrir. In the kitchen, a steady hand did not come easily to Cloud.

"It's okay, Cloud," Marlene reassured him. "They still taste yummy."

"Besides, Tifa will like them because they're from you."

Though he wasn't sure he shared the sentiment, Cloud smiled softly at the girl, nuzzling her hair with his hand.

How he wished he had her optimism.

It amazed Cloud that Aerith's flowers were still blooming in the Church, the lone sign of life amongst the Midgar wreckage.

Perhaps it shouldn't have come as a surprise, knowing the adversity they had already endured through. When the land had been stripped almost completely bare; after Aerith had passed and could no longer tend to them; after the destruction of the city; they continued to grow.

It was a testament to their longevity.

While a part of Cloud worried that Tifa might misread an offering of Aerith's flowers; that she might think he still held feelings for their late friend; it felt like an integral piece of the present.

With the Buster Sword now resting amongst the flower beds, two of Cloud's closest companions were together, once again. Their love; much like the flowers; enduring, continuing to thrive, even amidst the harshest conditions.

For Cloud, it was a vow, a hope that he and Tifa's relationship may be similarly blessed.

Not to mention, Cloud knew his shoddy package needed some brightening up, and there were no flowers more vibrant than the ones in the church. Perhaps Aerith’s green thumb and knowledge of the flowers’ language would help him chose the perfect blossom to articulate his feelings for Tifa, with no ambiguity.

He had also hoped the presence of his friends would calm his nerves. That the older, more confident pair, never inept expressing their feelings, could offer him advice.

Though, as he knelt by the before the beds; hands brushing delicately over the petals; the fond, familiar voice that met his ears seemed to have other ideas.

It's about time, it teased. Always thought you two kids would wind up together.

- March 14th -

That morning, Cloud waited in his bedroom, longer than necessary.

Normally up at around the same time as Tifa, it wasn’t until he’d followed the pad of her footsteps downstairs that he rose from his mattress. The motion of dressing and getting his things ready, was followed through at a deliberate, slowed pace.

As he fixed his pauldron to his shoulder, Cloud eyed the wrapped box tucked in away his dresser drawer. He hadn't wanted to make the same mistake as Tifa and leave it in plain sight.

Swallowing, he retrieved the chocolates from their hiding place amongst the folds of dark sweaters and linen, before he began his slow descent down to the bar.

Her eyes were closed when he first saw her, steam curling from a mug warming against her hands. The tendrils rose through her nostrils as she inhaled, sighing contentedly as the heat engulfed her.

Cloud remained at a distance, shuffling on his feet, indecisive as to how to approach her.

His plan had relied on her noticing him, being the one to start the conversation as usual. It was a familiar routine, a way for Cloud to ease in comfortably. Yet, with the room bathed in silence, he felt hesitant to disturb the peace she was enjoying.

Awkwardly, Cloud settled on cleared his throat.

"Tifa."

"Oh, Cloud. I was beginning to think you’d already left."

“No, I just- something to take care of.”

Tifa's eyes narrowed as she set her mug down on the counter, approaching him. Her hand brushed against his arm, a look of concern radiating through her gaze.

"Cloud? Is something the matter?"

Drinking in the care brimming from those captivating, ruby eyes, Cloud's head swam. He was taken, momentarily, by a nervous itch to run to his hand through his hair. Gaze lowering, he focused instead on her touch; the point at which their bodies met; revelling in the comfort that emanated from it.

It was strange. Somehow, when looking into her eyes, his thoughts would become muddled. Yet, concentrating on something as intimate as her touch and the strength she offered so selflessly, made finding the right words seem easier.

"Yeah, I’m fine. It’s just- I found something… A while ago.”

“Okay..." Tifa pressed. "What are you talking about?”

Cloud bit his lip, Tifa's gaze boring into him, expectantly. Still, as awkward and clumsy as the words may feel, with each one Cloud edged steadily closer towards an answer. That alone willed him to continue.

The sooner he could learn what her feelings were, for certain. No matter her answer, it would at least alleviate the doubt that was plaguing him.

“You stayed up late on Valentine's and ended up falling asleep. So, I took you up to your room, and...”

He trailed off, unsure of how to continue and conscious of the burning steadily building in his ears. Fortunately, the pieces seemed to click together for Tifa; eyes widening as her lips parted

"Oh. Oh!"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." Cloud's hands rose. "It's just... It was right there. I couldn't help-"

"No, I understand. I'm sorry, Cloud. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable."

"It- It's fine. You didn't, really. It was very thoughtful of you. I just wish you had given them to me."

Tifa shoulders sagged as she felt the same way.

She had been too nervous that morning and hesitated at the last moment, hoping that when Cloud returned later from his deliveries, she would be better prepared.

Yet, even the time and the distraction of work were not enough.

With Cloud’s discovery, the memory she had hoped to create and treasure could now only evoke regret. The effort she had lovingly devoted to those chocolates, the expression of her feelings now wasted. The ideal moment she had hoped to share with Cloud, gifting him those chocolates. Deprived of relishing in the surprise and happiness it would bring to his features.

If only she had been bold enough.

If only she hadn't dawdled too long.

Perhaps then the chance wouldn't have slipped through her fingers.

"Well, I know this isn't exactly conventional," Cloud continued. "But I suppose that's fitting... For us."

As Cloud’s hands shifted towards her, Tifa looked up with a blink to find him holding out a crudely decorated box.

The lightest of gasps escaped from her lips, stomach fluttering at the endearing sight. She was bathed in the familiar clear blue of Cloud’s eyes, penetrating through to her heart, her memories.

The sorrow that had been coursing through her gradually began to fade. Was this what she thought it was?

"Happy White Day, Tifa."

Cloud exhaled. At last, it was out in the open. Almost immediately, Cloud sensed the tension hovering over him steadily dissipate; an incredibly freeing, liberating feeling.

Tifa silently held his gaze. Her cheeks flushed and hands outstretched towards him.

Cloud's stomach lurched as she shifted abruptly past him, a curtain of her dark hair brushing against his face. His eyes tracked her frantic movement, bearing the rush of hurt and bewilderment overtaking him, reading her departure as silent rejection.

"Hang on a second."

“Tifa?! Where are you going?”

Her voice grew muffled as she ascended the stairs calling down to him.

"We should do this properly, at least!"

Her words, awoke within him, the tiniest spark of hope.

Despite the urge to satiate his curiosity and go after her, Cloud remained rooted in place, trusting in Tifa's reassuring words. Believing they had always led him down the right path.

To Cloud's relief, he wasn't kept waiting long.

Tifa's face was flushed as she moved back down the stairs, steady breaths carrying from her throat. She ducked her head, tendrils of hair falling over her eyes as she hesitantly held the box out towards him.

For the trepidation crippling her, Tifa found the mettle to lift her gaze, needing every modicum of her heart, her feelings, to shine through the gesture.

Cloud's breath hitched at the love shining through her eyes.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Cloud... I- I'm sorry it's so late."

It was startling, how wrong they had been in their cynicism.

How convinced they had been that something as pedestrian as exchanging gifts, or a few, heartfelt words wasn’t enough to repair the strength, the hardships they had endured.

They were afraid too much changed for things to possibly work. That they could never again be those unscarred children sitting atop the Water tower; the only ones unblemished enough to be deserving of a tradition like Valentine’s.

Yet, the gesture served as a simple reminder of the ones they had fallen for, of time they had thought had been forever lost and feelings still rested in the recesses of their hearts.

That for all the scars and trauma they feared had irreversibly changed them, there remained a presence they recognised in one another, constantly fighting back to the surface. Something they caught, fleetingly, in the depths of each other’s eyes.

He felt truly happy.

Moved by a sudden burst of courage, Cloud crossed the last trace of distance between them, engulfing Tifa in his arms; wanting never to sever the contact between them again.

His gratitude was patterned against her forehead by his lips.

"Tifa, thank you."

#cloti #cloti confessions 2020 #cloticonfessions2020 #tifa lockhart #cloud strife #final fantasy vii #ffvii #fanfiction #cloud x tifa

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hazinhoodies · 5 years

Text

Lovebug (H.O)

HarrisonxReader

A/N: So this is my submission for @starksparker jonas brothers writing challenge. my crush on nick has not gone away since i was nine thanks for asking. anyways have some fluff. song here :)

Warnings: fluff. it’s good and pure

Word Count: 2.2k (lyrics included)

Called her for the first time yesterday

Finally found the missing part of me

Felt so close but you were far away

Left me without anything to say

The phone rang in Harrison's ear. He wasn’t sure what made him call you but he did. He wasn’t sure if this was even still your number. Something inside of him told him it was, or to at least let it ring through and see.

Harrison pulled the phone from his ear to check the time, it would be nearly 3 am for you. Maybe you weren’t going to pick up. It’d rung six times already, the previous gut feeling had started to be taken over by doubt and regret. Just as he was about to hang up the little line underneath your name switch from ‘Ringing’ to the timer. He watched as the seconds ticked by, he heard your voice, it sounded distant.

“Harrison?” Your voice was groggy but smooth and it still made Harrison feel like he’d eating one too many Haribo gummies, like the two of you had many times in school. Your voice pulls him out of his thoughts, “Haz?”

“Hm? Yeah. Hi. Sorry ‘bout that” Harrison nearly drops his phone in a rush to place it back against his ear. There was a moment of silence on both ends, he could hear your breathing, steady through the line. Harrison felt everything he had felt before, things he hadn’t felt in years come flooding back to him. His heart pounded in his ears, he was sure you could hear it too

Now I'm speechless, over the edge

I'm just breathless I never thought that I'd catch this

Lovebug again

Hopeless, head over heels in the

Moment I never thought that I'd get hit

by this Lovebug again

“Was there something you needed?” You ask. Harrison imagines what you look like right now. Lying down on your back or stomach, propped up by your elbows. The phone was probably pressed to your ear, still plugged into its charger, the blankets likely sat around your waist, you hadn’t bothered moving them since you sat up to answer the phone. He wondered if the shirt you wore was your own or someone else's. The thought made his chest squeeze.

“Uh no. I’m just calling to say hi. Catch up, s’been a while” Harrison pressed his hand to his forehead. He scolded himself for giving such a dumb answer. Truthfully he had no clue why he had called. You chuckled from the other side.

“Harrison it’s three in the morning. Can we talk tomorrow? I’ll text you I promise.” He can hear the small smile in your voice, the one he’d learned to adore at the age of 14. The one he didn’t stop loving in 8 years, even after not having seen it for three of them.

“Yeah. Yeah. I’m sorry” Harrisons tongue darted over his bottom lip. “Um. Before you go though, can I ask you something?” He chewed the inside of his cheek while waiting for a response, subconsciously fiddling with the string of his hoodie.

“Of course” You mumbled, the words slurred together slightly, the tiredness in your voice starting to take over once again.

“Why’d you pick up? I mean, if it’s so late then why even bother?” He was genuinely curious. If you had been asleep and we’re currently as tired as you sounded, why not wait until morning?

“Hazza” You laugh lightly, using the nickname you’d called him throughout school when he was doing something stupid. Tom was usually involved in those, “Made a promise long time ago” You yawned, shorter syllable words were lost in the slur of sleep in your voice. “Swore that if you ever needed me I’d be there Hazza. We don’t break promises. Night, Harrison”

“G’night” he muttered quietly as he hung up, your words echoing in his mind.

I can't get your smile out of my mind

I think about your eyes all the time

You're beautiful but you don't even try

Modesty is just so hard to find

In the morning, the only confirmation of the previous night’s events Harrison had was a text from you. A simple ‘hello, hope you slept well’ was at the top of his notifications. He contemplated waiting a little longer to text you but decided against it.

It was Harrison’s last couple of days in New York before him and Tom flew back to London. Every moment that he could spare was spent texting you.

The two of you talked about anything and everything, catching up on everything the two of you had missed since a few months after graduating from BRIT school. You told him about your recent auditions for West End, how you thought you did horrible on the first couple but the next ones were significantly better.

He thought hard to remember your voice, and how it’d sounded during school. Vivid memories came to him. Memories of you sat on his bed trying to type out a paper while music played from your computer. You hummed along with the melody, Harrison was sure you didn’t notice it, not even when you mumbled the words to the chorus. They were quiet but Harrison could hear them clearly, in those moments he couldn’t care less that you weren’t supposed to be on this side of the dormitories, didn’t care that both of you could get in a lot of trouble. Because it was you. Trying to sing every part to La Vie Boheme at half past 11, your essay receiving little attention.

Every time you replied to one of his jokes or a story he’d just told, Harrison tried to picture your smile and laugh. Though it was hard to tell if it’d be the laugh that made your eyes squint and crease at the edges, or the one that made almost no noise, the same one that would make your whole upper body shake for a second until immediately followed by a snarky remark.

Harrison boarded the plane, quickly letting you know that he was about to take off. Just as he was about to turn it onto airplane mode you replied, telling him to text you when he lands. Harrison didn’t know he was smiling, but Tom did.

“So when are you gonna tell me ‘bout whoever it is you’ve been texting?”

Now I'm speechless, over the edge

I'm just breathless

I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again

Hopeless, head over heels in the moment

I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again

“Why don’t you come over or something? If you’re not too busy of course. You’ve been back for a month and we have yet to see each other” The two of you were on the phone, the fifth call that week, you were definitely racking up minutes.

“Can we go out for dinner instead possibly?” Harrison asked, immediately backtracking when he realized how it may sound “It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with you at your flat it’s just-” Harrison stopped, he couldn’t go back now, he’d already said too much to continue pretending he hasn’t been dying to take you on a date for the past six years; too much to pretend he hasn’t had a crush on you for the past eight.

“Harrison it’s fine. I’d love to actually” You spoke before he could continue his sentence, he let out his breath in relief.

“Great. That’s uh. That’s perfect” Harrison stutters out, tripping over his words. His mind was running a mile a minute, already overthinking. Is this a date? Where were you two going to go? What was he going to wear? What if everything goes horribly wrong? And then your voice comes through the phone, and it’s like the hurricane clears, the waves calm down, and everything’s okay again.

“Good” You whisper breathily.

“Good” Harrison whispers back. He doesn’t know why he’s whispering, but you did, so he did in return. He bites his lip to hold back a smile, not that you could see it anyways.

“It’s a date then”

He smiles wide, his teeth no longer able to hold back his lip as his heart starts racing and continues to even once you’ve hung up.

Kissed her for the first time yesterday

Everything I wished that it would be

Suddenly I forgot how to speak

Hopeless, breathless, baby can't you see?

Harrison stepped precariously towards your door. His heart was pounding, it’d be the first time he’s seen you since he was seventeen. He wondered how much you’d changed, maybe you’d changed your hair colour, maybe your style changed. Did you still laugh hard enough that soda nearly went up your nose? Could he still make you laugh that hard?

Harrison shakes the thoughts from his head. Even if you’d changed, that doesn’t matter, he has too. Change is inevitable. He’s sure, absolutely certain, that he’d still love you just the same.

Harrison smooths out his shirt and straightens his jacket. He looks over himself and pulls out his phone, using the front camera as a mirror just to check his hair one last time, as if he hadn’t checked five times before he left, and twenty more in the rearview mirror in his car.

He places his phone back into his pocket and knocks on your door, two small knocks. When there’s no response he almost thinks it wasn’t loud enough, or maybe he had the wrong address or date. Before he can complete the thoughts, the door opens.

“Hi” You look up at him, it takes a moment but a smile breaks on your face. Harrison feels his heart jump. You look different, but it’s still you. Your hair is different than it was when you’d graduated, you look more tired, there spots on your face that he was sure weren’t there before.

But it’s you. And you’re beautiful as ever.

There’s a long moment of silence as the two of you take in the other's appearance before you speak up. “You look, um” You run a hand through your hair “You look really good, great actually” Your eyes find their way to his.

Harrison is sure his heart melts right there. Everything else about you has changed slightly since you’d last seen each other, but your eyes stayed the same. Still playful, excitable, and happy. He can’t help but hope that part of it is because it’s him who’s standing in front of you.

“You do too” Harrison replies, “You’ve hardly changed,” He notices how you smile and immediately look down at your feet, hiding the small amount of heat that rose to your cheeks.

“I would say the same about you but the last time I saw you, you were a clumsy, lanky, mess. Much too tall for your own good and sporting almost a mushroom haircut” You look back up at Harrison to see him cringing, eliciting a laugh from you.

“Yeah clearly I’ve gotten better hair since then, and gotten used to my height” Harrison chuckles, he stuffs his hands in his pockets. There’s another moment of silence, Harrison wonders when the two of you had gotten so close together, merely inches apart now. He’s looking at you, admiring your features, still in shock that you’re in front of him. You’re looking at him, and memories are flooding back, like when he carried you back to your room after you fell. It wasn’t a bad injury, but he insisted.

Harrison notices that you’re biting your lip the slightest bit, then how your eyes flick down to his lips and back up to his eyes.

Before he knows it, his hands are on your waist, pulling you flush against him, yours are around his neck, toying with the small hairs at the nape of his neck. Your lips are moving together and it’s like the airs been sucked out of his lungs, replaced with you.

All he needs.

All he��s ever needed.

Harrison didn’t know what to expect this time; the first time your lips are actually pressed together. He’d known what it would’ve been like when he’d imagined kissing you when you were young, or at least he thought he did. He knew you’d taste like artificial strawberry from the gummies and your noses would’ve bumped together when you were sat on his floor at fifteen. You’d have tasted like coffee and you would’ve smiled into the kiss when you were sat on his bed at seventeen. But now, here, your hands in his hair and lips against his, he wonders why he didn’t kiss you sooner while simultaneously glad that he didn’t. Because this?

This is could not get any better.

This is perfect.

He pulls away, breathless, his hand stayed on your hips, eyes still closed.

“Thought the kiss was supposed to come after the date” You chuckle. Harrison opens his eyes to see your cheeks pink, lips too.

Harrison smiles, a laugh slipping through his lips. “I’ve wanted to do that since we were 14, I think I’ve waited long enough”

“I was getting a little tired of waiting. Eight years is a long time to wait for someone to kiss you”

Now I'm speechless, over the edge

I'm just breathless

I never thought that I'd catch this love bug again

Now I'm hopeless, head over heels in the moment

I never thought that I'd get hit by this love bug again, (oh)

Lovebug again

haz:

@summernykole @hjosterfield @imagines-andshizz @thequeensardine @mellifluous-tom @osterfieldholland01 @happymagicbee @artemisiaarm @sincerelymlg @butithasntkilledyouyet @headsup-itsmostlypeter @bitchymathematician @melsbooktrash

#harrison osterfield #harrison osterfield fluff #harrison osterfield x reader #harrison osterfield x you #harrison osterfield fic #harrison osterfield imagine #harrison osterfield one shot #haz osterfield x reader #haz osterfield #haz osterfield fluff #haz osterfield x you #haz osterfield fic #haz osterfield imagine #kaylees jonas brothers wc

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bedlamgames · 4 years

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Q&A #103

Today we have the Twine conversion, lesbian training mantras, social lube, a bunch of random stuff from the discord, and a whole lot more.

[Anonymous said]: I'm really curious what the tally means for your twine conversion posts. Can't seem to figure out what its suppose to represent progress wise...

- Answered this last Q&A. Because of you asking I’ve now also added the explanation to what it’s about to every stream post so I hope that helped with understanding what’s going on with that.

[Anonymous said]: Suggestion: For races that start with a random corruption (ie: Succubi), have an option in full custom to spend points to either narrow what that corruption is (to be one of the four types, for example) or to outright pick one (for a much higher cost).

- That’s a good idea. Being able to pick specifically I think would be too much. There are ALOT of corruptions so that would mean many many menus to be able to select everything. Being able to pick one of the four types seems fair to me as something to spend points on in Full Custom. Added it to my notes.

[Anonymous said]: Have a succubus slaver who used to be a lamia. On level up, she had the option to get the Fleet trait, which I thought was off-limits for Lamia due to their body shape. I think it's a bug?

- Good spot and should be fixed as of the last update.

[Anonymous said]: Noticed a bug with No Haven 0.903: If you select a human (or once-human) for your character, and then quick restart, your next character will keep the human's Racial aspect Social Lube. On the topic of that Racial, it says " includes one human, and three other different races/subtypes gain an additional Success" Does that mean one human and three non-humans, or one human and three slavers each of a different race from each other?

-Took me awhile to work this out as going from human to human seemed fine. However you’re right that those with a heritage like demi-angels or succubi will incorrectly keep the previous racial.

The second so as long as you have at least one human you can get the buff by say having a northerner, noble, wastelander, and convent.

[Anonymous said]: hi bud, xfto/x421 here, its been a long time i guess. wanted to ask about the status of the no haven/twine conversation. i joined your picardo lately but couldnt post some reports since you dont allow guest-posts. well anyway, the report is about something ridiculous i have found after some restarts, the chosen main charakter (lamia) starts as male with the hard carry aspect(immense shaft) and different description than the ones the perks would give. 1/2

another question, feels like i asked something similiar in the past, how about the integration of different artpacks/access to older pics, or deletion of those that never get used? i guess that would requiere some more access to the game than you allow atm. maybe with twine? do you have a roadmap on tfgames or somewhere for the future of no haven? i know there are some more races you want to implement and improve some systems, but thats it, hope you are doing well in these times. 2/2

I do an update on the patreon every two weeks which is linked on the twitter. You do not need to be a patron to read these and is the best way to stay informed about what I’ve been up to. That includes the status of the conversion. To quickly sum it up;

It's at a stage where all the RAGS to Twine code conversion is basically done. What I need to do now is translate all that work into something playable and there's currently big logic issues with a bunch of the conditions and passages. So what I'm currently doing is trying to tidy up the visual look of the code with a bunch of idents with the theory that will make finding the errors easier.

Alas it’s not me disallowing guest posts... Picarto had some massive stonking issues and so they locked things down hard due to that preventing guests from chatting. I suggest a throwaway email site to get around that.

I don’t think there’s any art in the game file that’s not used as I try to keep on top of deleting the old ones. Not really down for doing art packs of the old ones as due to that not being my art so I see them as placeholder only until they can be replaced by commissions.

I probably do need to do some kind of roadmap sometime. I’m less keen as it’s kind of a dirty word these days as due to the miss-use of them by others it’s got some bad connontations, but I’m also aware the alternative which is me randomly mentioning stuff on discord/picarto streams leaves the vast majority of my audience in the dark which is also really not ideal.

[Anonymous said]: [no haven 0.903] [Crit no longer grants Bimboborn] okay, but how do I get bimboborn now?

- It’s a corruption. Specifically Blessings of Perversion.

[Anonymous said]: With the change to training where hypnotic slavers can fully embed the relevant mantras for blowjob, bimbo, and sissy training, could we also get that for lesbian training?

- Yes that’s the plan when I do the third part of lesbian training. Got a set of commissions planned just got to sort the funding and work out who I’m getting to do it.

[Anonymous said]: hey bud, x421 here, again, might be already fixed because thats from no haven .903, but i recently had the witch queen super rare quest, you might want to proof read the quest and results, there are a few typos. i really did enjoy the writing nonetheless, just a quick question about that quest, as far as i understood this one, you only change your odds of the final result depending on how good you do on your way to the final, but the reward in the end only depends on the final result? 1/2

2/2 it just dawned on me that its been a while since you made an Q&A post so i guess i ll go and lurk on the tfgames forum in the next days, just one last question: i asked early in development about camp upgrades and you were not that convinced about that stuff, i understand you want the slaver camp as some bandit camp and not some castle/bastion or whatever, but since you added camp upgrades, maybe add proximity to a certain region? or something to spend supplies and gold in a 13month+ run?

- Hah! Okay will give it another read through.That’s correct yes. There’s also rewards on the way if you Critical those parts.

There is a new gold sink coming soon in an upcoming update. I’ve also got plans for more camp upgrades coming later.

[From the Patreon]: I'm that guy you replied to about the patch notes in Q&A 101. Solid updates. Bugs in the outfit system has driven me nuts since like, 2015, has it been that long already? I think it has. I like collecting them and something always blows up. This time, I ended up with a slaver wearing both the ooze outfit and ponygirl outfit. So there's that. Also I was disappointed the new Quicker then You'd Like wasn't interactive. Solid in any case though, thanks!

- I'll get them all one day I swear! Don't suppose you remember the chain of events that led to that? New QAYL was a patron requested one with the idea of having a big pay off for playing submissive which often involves playing sub-optimally.

[From the Patreon]: 1-ive been noticing when you choose to repick choices for an slave training assignment the slave gets added to the list of choices 2-also just how rare is the post-slave princess city assignment, cause i can never seem to get it even after selling multiple slave princesses 3-another thing is that the nightly puppet-leader stat is almost impossible to get again(either that or i have bedwarmers incapable of usurping me even thought i my current stats mean i couldnt win against even the subbiest slave)

- Will check 3 as you've not been the only person to mention that. 2 I know exists for sure as other people have definitely got it. Should be no rarer than any other rare City assignment, and thanks for the spot on 1.

[From the Discord]: Top 3 Animes of the 2010 to 2020

Mahou Shoujo Madoka★Magica the series was staggeringly good. Just redefined what anime could be to me. Film is a... well it was a thing. A beautiful thing with an ending which I still quite know how to feel about.

Shirobako. It’s about creativity, craft, and about how people can come together to make something. It might not be something good, but dangit it’s been made and that’s worthwhile. It’s also from personal experience by miles the most accurate depiction of working in an office I’ve ever seen.

Oh man this is very very hard deciding on the third so pick one of the following and I could probably make a strong case for it.

Kobayashi-san Chi no Maid Dragon, Darling in the FranXX (yes really, yes even the ending), Lupin III: Part 5, Kill la Kill, Monster Musume, Flip Flappers, Demi-chan wa Kataritai, Zombieland Saga, or Kaguya-sama wa Kokurasetai.

Also while I was taking the question to mean series both Your Name and Promare are absolutely phenonemal films.

[From the Discord]: Best recent Eurovision Act

Lena. Always Lena.

[From the Discord]: What's the agricultural technological level of No Haven like

It’s not hit industrialization yet. What makes the difference is and allows cities like Aversol and even bigger to exist is that the organization of the human empire is far better than it has any right to be for the other levels of development being able to keep an incredibly complex supply chain constantly flowing even if on the ground level it barely seems to be moving at all. There are also some much, much larger farms both on the Great Plains and further to the north compared to the much more isolated single/couple of households ones that your slavers raid.

[From the Discord]: What have been some of your all-time favourite assignments, both in terms of working on them and how they turned out?

Love When Week’s End Comes for a recent one. Writing all the results in colour commentary (and all the variations for weather, events and outcomes) was a real challenge and I do like how it came out.

Witch-Queen and Arisin’ for being the first times I tried to go for a different, more potentially disturbing/freaky mood, and I’m pleased with the results.

Sable Masquerade as I really like the ‘bad end’ I came up with. Actually I like the whole thing as while the pitch from the patron obviously helped, a lot of it was inspired by a random superhero bondage party picture I saw on HF, which I decided to run with, and had a bunch of fun exploring.

[From the Discord]: Weirdest bug and most difficult bug

The one that resulted in a male wisp riding a griffon was a fun one.

Most difficult has to be the clothing management which as a previous question suggests I’ve still not entirely solved.

[From the Discord]: If No Haven was an MMO, what race/class would you play?

Kreen rogue mainly as I really like the edit I did for the portrait which MidnightonMars later translated into a commission.

If not definitely a lamia.

[From the Discord]: Knowing what you do now about the design of the game, are there any game mechanics you wish you'd have implemented differently?

Clothing management. So very much clothing management. I’ve redone it entirely twice now, and it’s still not where I want it to be.

[From the Discord]: What was your inspiration for creating the setting of No Haven? Has the direction the game has gone varied from your initial idea? If so what has been the biggest change?

- It started off with adapting the chan game Deeper Dungeons which was basically a certain popular mmo with nothing different about it outside of it being porn along with some possibly unwise options of personal abuse. I first changed it by ditching gnomes for neko which to my mind was a clear upgrade. There even used to be an examine refference in the RAGS version to suggest they’d been in the region of the dungeons before being driven out.

Then it was a gradual process of adding with the occasional subtractions to get it closer to a more Warhammer feeling setting which has always been a major love of mine when I was still doing Whorelock’s in RAGS.

With No Haven it was a case of building on what I’ve done there and expanding upon that with the race lore and assignment descriptions. Biggest was probably when I did the favoured/unfavoured stuff and added a ton of extra backstory to various races to justify the choices made there.

#Q&A

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auroreswritings · 5 years

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Here comes my longest submission so far, with a little over 4,100 words, I am shook! I wasn’t inspired AT ALL at first, couldn’t seem to come up with ideas I liked enough to motivate me. I don’t really like doing things like zombie AUs and stuff like that, and the other word prompts were a little similar to things I’ve read or watched recently and I didn’t want to write something with the same plotlines by accident. I actually got the idea loooong after reading the quote and thinking about it while at work, I came up with the title first and couldn’t take it out of my head, and then this happened haha

So yeah, this is inspired by the quote : "You can smell it, too. Death. Dying. Decay. The sky is falling, the sky is dying, the sky is dead." —Bird Box, by Josh Malerman

I’ve never watched the movie, so I have no real idea what it’s about.

I would love to expand on the events of this one-shot, I’m thinking of writing a full chaptered story based on it, with more details, more characters, more revelations, more fluff and more despair, that’d be pretty cool I think.

I’ve had Adele’s song stuck in my head for days because of this, it’s killing me!

It’s also on AO3!

The Day We Saw the Sky Fall

It all happened suddenly. It was unprecedented, unexpected, unavoidable. The scope of it was remarkable. What was passed up as a minor incident became the end of most of humanity. These are the events preceding the sky fall.

Atsushi was sitting at his desk, filling in some urgent paperwork. He had to finish this today; he would be going for a short trip to Osaka the next day: they were holidays of sorts. It all started when Kunikida had complained about Dazai’s lack of interest in handing out his case reports. The suicidal maniac was lying on the couch, as usual, singing a made up song about lover’s suicide, as usual, and ignoring the pile of files on his desk, as usual. Kunikida, stressed out by a particularly hectic week at the agency, was lashing out on the unbothered man, screaming his head off for the entire building to hear. Everybody was on edge, and the animated exchange only served as a trigger for the massive bomb of pent up stress that had built up in the agency. In the blink of an eye, almost everybody was yelling, cursing at each other while the younger members of the agency were trying to hide in the corners of the room, away from the adults’ wrath. It was at this particular moment that Fukuzawa had come back from an errand, and upon finding the mass destruction going on in the office, he had decided to assign everybody on cases that would involve a bit a travelling around, mostly so it could keep all the detectives away from each other for some time. Hence why Atsushi was now rushing to finish all the reports he had to hand in before leaving, getting everything ready for his four-day trip to the nation’s kitchen with his mentor Dazai. Kunikida, Yosano and Kyouka were going to Fukuoka in a couple days, Kenji was to go back and spend some time with his family in Ihatov, and Junichirou and Ranpo had left for Sapporo to day before. Fukuzawa had told them he would handle new cases until their return, only expecting them to give their late files back before leaving. The office wasn’t much quieter than usual, Junichirou and Ranpo not being the noisiest detectives around, but still tension was a little less present in the atmosphere. The prospect of leaving Yokohama for a while had calmed everybody’s nerves down and they all looked forward to their getaways, even though they were still work-related.

To everyone’s surprise, Dazai had finished all his paperwork somehow and was lying on the couch again, his desk free of any casefile. He had managed it in a record time and Atsushi couldn’t help being a little jealous: he had less papers on his desk when they both started and yet, he still had about two hours’ worth of work ahead of him while his mentor was comfortably lazing on the sofa. Deciding feeling envious would only be a waste of time, Atsushi buried himself back in his work, blocking out anything else until everything was completely finished. When he finally looked up again, night had fallen and the office was empty. The young man tidied up his desk quickly, folding the last papers in their respective files before taking them to Fukazawa’s desk. He let out a sigh of relief as he crossed the corridor back from the president’s office. He was done, now he could go back to the dormitory and relax until next morning. His belongings gathered, he was about to head out and close the agency for good when he heard a shuffling from the reception area. Head picking from behind the glass screen, he was met with a heartwarming sight. Dazai was on the sofa, legs dangling off one side, left hand on his stomach, right arm folded over his eyes to block out the light. His chest was rising slowly; he was sleeping deeply. Atsushi observed the man for some time. It was rare to see Dazai in a weak position: most of the time he would just pretend to be asleep, always having an eye out for every little thing happening in the office. The weretiger smiled to himself before approaching the couch and gently shaking his mentor up.

“-Dazai, wake up.” His voice was a mere whisper. “I’m closing the office, it’s time to go.”

The older man stirred a bit, his arm leaving his face. His eyes fluttered open, a frown crossing his eyebrows as light hit his sleepy pupils. Realizing Atsushi was leaning over him, a hand on his shoulder, he straightened a bit, yawning and stretching his arms as he sat up.

“-Atsushi, are you done with your papers? What time is it?

-I finished a few minutes ago”, he answered with a tired sigh. Giving a quick glance at the clock on the wall, he continued with a soft tone, “It’s almost half past eight. We should get going.”

Dazai nodded and stood up, patted Atsushi’s head and went to grab his coat at his desk. The two of them left the building and walked together for a while, light chitchat rising in the fresh night air. The eventually parted ways, bidding the other goodnight and promising to meet at the train station the next day.

Morning had come fast, and the two men were now sitting in the bullet train. It would be a fast ride: it only took a couple hours to reach Osaka. Their wagon was quiet and spacious, their seats comfortable. They remained silent for a while, gazing at the landscape passing by the windows. Atsushi had a hard time hiding his excitement: the prospect of exploring the big city and discovering all its secrets was making his heart beat faster.

“-Dazai, have you ever been to Osaka?” The man looked thoughtful for a moment, pondering over the answers he could give.

“-I have, a couple times. Never really had the time to go sightseeing, though. How about you?

-It’ll be my first time. Actually, it’s also my first time taking the bullet train.” A sheepish smile appeared on Atsushi’s lips, his fingers nervously intertwining on his lap. His agitation made Dazai smile.

“-Well, how do you like it so far?

-It’s nice. I didn’t know a train could actually go so fast.” His tone was full of wonder. The young man still had so much to discover from this world; Dazai was sometimes forgetting he had escaped his orphanage just some time ago and had never had the chance to travel around or experience a normal life. His eyes soften as he looked at his junior.

“-There’s still a lot for you to see, I’ll take you to the few good places I know when we get there.” Atsushi’s gaze sparkled at the promise, happiness filling his entire being. He looked out the window again, taking in the green and blue hues mixing in the morning sun.

“-Where are we supposed to go?” Atsushi was jogging behind Dazai, trying to keep up with the taller man’s long legs. The Shin-Osaka station was packed and the tiger was thankful for his friend’s height; he was unlosable in the middle of all the busy salary men and giggling high schoolers.

“-We’re going to the Minoo Falls, some small incidents have been occurring and the monkeys there are acting strangely. The local authorities suspect an ability user to be behind it all.

-Monkeys? Are we going to a forest?

-Yes, the waterfall is in the middle of the forest, in between mountains.” Atsushi let out an amazed gasp. He had been to small forests around Yokohama before, but this sounded like a real adventure fit for their short trip.

The ride to Minoo was fast, only interrupted by a connection at the Umeda train station. As they rode their third train of the day, Atsushi could clearly see the change in scenery: skyscrapers were slowly giving way to lower buildings and houses as nature was becoming more prominent. It was almost noon when they finally set foot on land. They decided to grab a bite at a nearby restaurant: the way to the waterfall was a little long and sinuous, climbing up the hills. Enjoying a bowl of udon at a small restaurant in one of the streets behind the station really made this all feel like a holiday, and Atsushi was glad they had travelled all the way here. Dazai felt content too, the good food and peace of the small rural town was putting him at ease.

They eventually left for the Minoo Falls, trekking slowly through the forest. The trees along the path were huge, casting their emerald shadows on the smaller plants and occasional hikers. They walked past a couple restaurants and a temple on the way, following the river quickly running down the mountain. Nothing felt off at first sight.

As the roar of the waterfall was nearing, a man, seemingly in his fifties, approached them. He was wearing a uniform; he was a forest ranger.

“-Are ya those special detectives? ’have been waitin’ for ya!” Despite the serious look on his face, he seemed like a joyous man. Dazai greeted him with a nod.

“-Can you tell us what the problem is?

-Sure can, young man!” He tapped Dazai on the shoulder and led the two younger men to a lookout facing the waterfall. “It started three weeks ago. I was out on me usual patrol, checkin’ the trees, lookin’ out for the monkeys. Everything was okay, but I was feelin’ somethin’ strange when walkin’ to the fall. Ya know, when ya feel like a wild cat is ’bout to attack ya? Well, that kinda feelin’. I was still walkin’, and I noticed more and more dead trees on the ground. One or two trees in normal, but here ’am talking about thirty or more! I told meself it was strange, ya know, but I kept goin’. At some point I realized there were no more fish in the water. When I finally got to fall, I was face to face with a monkey. He was in a rage this one, had never seen that! It was runnin’ after me but I managed to hide in one of our lookouts. I stayed there until I thought it was safe, and I started makin’ my way back home when I found a group of ’em monkeys fightin’ each other to death. Had never seen anythin’ like it, ’am tellin’ ya!”

The man had grown more agitated as he spoke, muscles on his face twitching from time to time as he told his story.

“-Are there other strange things happening around here, mister?” Atsushi was puzzled. This sounded like a weird story indeed, but he wasn’t sure it was a case that required the intervention of the Armed Detective Agency. The ranger’s voice shook him out of his thoughts.

“-We’ve had people fallin’ sick, kiddo. They were just fine in the mornin’, and by noon they had to lie down and couldn’t leave their bed. Some of ’em went to the hospital but they said there was nothin’ wrong with ’em, just tired. Some clever woman told us she informed the government. Told us it was nothin’ big, just somethin’ in the water that was makin’ people sick, nothin’ dangerous. I don’t believe it, if ya ask me. There’s somethin’ strange goin’ on here.”

The two detective glanced at each other, not sure what to think. Them being called here meant that the police hadn’t been able to find anything substantial, leaving the hypothesis that these peculiar happenings were due to an ability user’s activity the last one left to explore. They thanked the man and began nosing around, trying to find anything that could help them understand. Just as the man had described, they found dead trees all around, and even spotted a few dead monkeys, some perfectly intact, others with huge scars covering their bodies. Atsushi was approaching the top of the waterfall when a sudden splash of water caught his attention. Thirty meters below, Dazai had dived in the water, fully clothed and without a single warning. Atsushi could feel the panic rising inside of him, images of the day he met his mentor flashing before his eyes.

“-Dazaaaai! What are you doing?” The young man tried to get as close to the edge of the cliff as he could without falling, eyes searching for the suicidal maniac.

“-Don’t worry, Atsushi, I’m just looking for clues!” The man’s answer echoed against the cliff’s rocky walls. It took him a few seconds but the weretiger finally spotted the drenched man: he was standing right next to the fall, apparently looking for a way to go behind it. Atsushi sighed heavily and traced his steps back, carefully walking down the cliff to find his mentor. As he arrived at the pool at the feet of the fall, Dazai was coming back from behind the spilling water.

“-I found something, you should come and check it out!

-Is there any way to get to it without going in the water?

-Oh, come on, Atsushi, we’re on an adventure! Get in the water already; it’s not even THAT cold.” The weretiger felt his cheeks heat up at the man’s mocking. He quickly took his shoes off and jumped in, clumsily approaching Dazai. The water was freezing.

They both walked as best they could to the back of the waterfall, water slowing them down considerably. A few rocky steps could be seen behind the water, and as they climbed them, a small cave opened in front of their eyes.

“-Is that all?” Atsushi asked, his lips turning a little blue.

“-Just wait and see.” Dazai winked at him and leaned against a wobbly rock, smirk flashing on his face. The rock moved a bit to the side and a low rumble followed. The ground started shaking and as Atsushi was trying to remain stable on his feet, the back of the cave opened, revealing a corridor with concrete walls.

-“Ta-dah! A secret hideout! Let’s go and explore it!” Dazai led the way, apparently unbothered by his cold and wet clothes. Atsushi was following, rubbing his arms to try and warm his shivering body up.

The hideout ended up being a secret government facility. The detectives had only been walking around for five minutes when two heavily armed agents stopped them. Luckily, Dazai had managed to deceive them into thinking the two of them had all the authorizations to be here, and they had been led to one of the higher ups unarmed. The woman had welcomed them warmly, apologizing for the rather forceful welcome. She knew they were looking for an explanation regarding the strange events in the area, and reassured them that the government had been informed. A small incident had happened, one of the tanks in the facility had spilled and a small amount of its content had ended up in the water. It was nothing to worry about, as the authorities had been warned and the people affected by the spilling were being treated. After this, Dazai and Atsushi had been led out of the secret property, not without a warm handshake from the woman and a plea that sounded a lot more like an order not to disclose what they had leaned today. By the time they were out, the sky had taken orange and pink hues, the sun falling behind the horizon for the night.

They walked out of the forest and found a hotel to spend the night at. Of course, none of them were satisfied with what they had been told: the woman’s account was far from convincing and some of things she had said were contradicting what the ranger had witnessed.

“-Dazai, should we keep investigating this place? I know it’s owned by the government and it’s supposed to remain secret, but I have a bad feeling about all this…” his voice died down, distress peeking in the last few words he had uttered. Dazai remained silent for a while, gaze turned to the night sky outside the window.

“-I don’t like this either. Let’s pay them another visit. After all, we have to get your shoes back.” He winked at Atsushi and got up, putting his coat on.

“-Wait, you want to go there now?

-It’ll be easier to sneak around in the dark. Besides, they won’t expect us to be back so soon.”

Sneaking in was easier indeed. Now that they knew how to get in and had seen a bit of the facility, they managed to get around without meeting a single guard. They somehow ended up in a laboratory office with desks crumbling under piles of research papers and cabinets and fridges full of weird looking substances. Atsushi was posted at the door, on the lookout, while Dazai was skimming through the papers scattered on the desks, trying to understand what was going on here. Apparently, this place was a secret research facility on ability users. This seemed all too familiar to him. Some of these papers were mentioning test subjects, all children, taken here to perform countless experiments on them. One of them caught Dazai’s attention. There was a picture of the child; they were no more than eight or nine. From what the research paper said, they had successfully been implanted with a man-made ability. The results had been promising until the child mysteriously lashed out at the scientists taking care of them, killing a couple of them and injuring five more in less than two minutes. The date on the file confirmed this had happened about three weeks prior.

“-Dazai, someone’s coming.” Atsushi had let the tiger out, taking advantage of its heightened senses to keep watch more effectively. Spotting a vent in the ceiling, Dazai gestured at Atsushi to help him reach the grid. Standing on the younger man’s shoulders, he tried to keep his balance as he pushed on the metal plate. As hard as he tried, it wasn’t moving in the slightest. He climbed down Atsushi and looked around, but before he could find another exit the door opened with a loud bang. Several armed guards were posted there, guns pointed at the two intruders. The woman they had met that afternoon was standing behind them, the furious expression in her eyes contrasting with the cold smirk distorting her mouth.

“-Who do we have here? The two little rats from earlier are back. I thought I had made myself clear when I said this place was a governmental facility and it had to remain secret. Guess I’m going to have to take care of you two now.” Atsushi swallowed nervously; the cold tone in her voice clearly told him she wouldn’t be taking care of them in a nice way. She slowly approached and caressed Dazai’s cheek as she continued:

“-What a shame, such a fine looking man.” She grabbed him by the jaw, planting her fingers in his cheeks, “I bet you would have looked good on my silk sheets.”

Before Dazai could make a clever come back, the floor started shaking, making the woman let go of his face. He took this opportunity to send her to the floor, knocking her out when her head hit the corner of a desk. Atsushi, also taking advantage of the quaking, attacked the armed men, destroying their guns with his gigantic claws. He managed to take down most of the men, the last two running out of the room to escape the tiger’s wrath. As the two detectives walked out after them, a loud alarm started blaring through the underground facility. Panic was catching through the building, shouts and heavy steps echoing in the corridors. Atsushi and Dazai were running now, trying to find a way out. The floor was still shaking, some walls were starting to crumble, big cracks appearing in the hard cement.

It was chaos. Men and women in lab coats were running in all directions, complete terror twisting their traits. Some guards were trying to guide them out while others had abandoned their duty and were running away as well, confused and scared looks on their face. Most of them seemed clueless as to what had happened but were still trying to get away from the center of the research lab as fast as possible, mimicking the scientists’ horrified behavior. The two detectives eventually reached an exit, leaving the same way they had entered, through the waterfall. Once outside, they ran towards the city, not yet grasping what was going on yet. Loud crashing noises could be heard, none of them daring to look back. They only looked around when they escaped the forest. The sight in front of them was bone chilling. It seemed as though the mountain had collapsed on itself. The government facility had been crushed by the shattered earth, leaving a hole in the landscape. Smoke was rising, clouding the sky, blocking the moon rays.

Atsushi was gaping at the sight, heavy breath barely feeding him in oxygen. Dazai was leaning against him, unable to process what had happened. As they both tried to come back to their senses, the smoke evading the fallen hill grew thicker, forming menacing clouds above head. In the midst of the threatening fog, a small form was rising, clearly detaching itself against the dark night sky. It took them a moment, but the detectives realized it looked strangely like a child. It finally came to a stop midair, and as it opened its arms wide, a piercing shriek erupted from it. Dazai covered his ears, he felt as if his ear-drums were about to implode. Atsushi had collapsed to the floor, arms around his head, a painful yelp escaping his lips. He crouched into a ball, attempting to block out the intense noise. Dazai covered the poor tiger’s body with his, hoping this would cushion the sound a little.

The sound stopped abruptly, leaving the two men panting. Atsushi’s strength had left him, the previous pain draining the energy out of him. All he could do now was lay there, his limbs as limp as a puppet’s. Dazai was still shielding him with his body, eyes focused on the child hanging in the sky. Were they the one infected with the manufactured ability? As Dazai tried to understand, a rumble roared through the sky as if the heavens had been teared apart. Rain started falling, heavy drops crashing with force. The child’s form could be seen falling to the floor, lifeless. The raindrops were hot against Dazai’s skin, mist rising as they touched the floor. A distressed whimper caught his attention. Atsushi was letting out small cries of agony; the water was fuming against his skin, burning its way through his skin. Dazai stood up quickly, dragging the tiger to a nearby building. They stayed there for the night, Atsushi’s ability slowly healing him, Dazai apprehensively waiting for the rain to stop.

After the collapse of the mountain, Atsushi and Dazai had managed to make their way back to Yokohama. Dazai, because of his ability, was completely unaffected by the downpour. Atsushi could withstand the rain for a few hours, thanks to the tiger’s healing abilities, but nothing could be done for the pain the raindrops were causing. Back at the agency, they discovered that all the detectives had made it back alive, but not without a few injuries. At that point, the rain had already engulfed all of Japan. They tried to fight against it, to no avail. As all their attempts to stop the rain were failing one after the other, the deadly clouds were spreading over the globe, leaving almost no chance for people to survive. The unforgiving drops were burning holes through cloth, melting the skin, destroying the flesh. Just as clouds enveloped the Earth, death was enveloping it too, letting but a few live, mostly ability users, who were better armed to survive the heavenly tears.

This day is now commonly known among survivors as the sky fall. No real answers had been found to explain what had happened. Some said it was God plaguing humans for their sins; others believed the government had been working on a chemical weapon that went out of control. Another theory travelling among survivors was telling of the explosion of a factory that eventually created the deadly rain. A few blamed ability users, but could never prove their involvement in these events. Those who knew better could only tell you that humanity’s thirst for power had been its downfall. Dazai agreed.

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darklightsworld · 5 years

Text

Another insta-read m/m novel recently: the fifth novel in the Mad Creek (How to Howl at the Moon) series by Eli Easton, How to Run with the Wolves. Devoured it yesterday - on the day of publication XD It was great with a tiny(?) but. You know the drill, long post, J key... Maybe I should make a Goodreads account and post there...

I love this series, the dog shifters are adorable and you can really feel the dogs in them. The series was supposed to end with volume 4, so it was a pleasant surprise to see a new book announced. Easton felt rightly that there were no more stories within Mad Creek, and this time she expanded the world of dog shifters with the discovery of an isolated and dying shifter pack in Alaska.

The plot is set a few years after the previous book, the distribution center is already established and going well. One of our protagonists is Zeus, a born quickened with Saint Bernard heritage, a shy giant who dislikes crowds and prefers to spend his time in the nature. He’s a childhood friend of Lance, and becomes a member of the Search and Rescue team (Sammy’s dream) lead by Matt, and they go to Alaska after a huge earthquake to help. While Zeus looks for survivors with Sammy he notices a gorgeous unknown quickened and he becomes intrigued by him. The gorgeous quickened is Timo, member of a tiny, isolated husky pack originating from sled dogs of the Inuit. Timo becomes fascinated with Zeus too, and goes as far as to lure him to his pack partially to help to save his pack - which eventually leads to a journey in search for a solution for the pack’s problem.

This books is quite different from the previous ones. Aside from the first one there was always a new quickened who had to learn about the way of human life and they were naturally lost and unsure. This time, however, Timo is a born quickened living in a pack with its own rules and he is also relatively used to human life, and although there are a lot of things he doesn’t understand, he is confident, prideful, borderline arrogant and even looks down upon humans. To be honest it was hard for me to get to like him, although I do see where Zeus’s fascination came from, and I also understand why Timo behaves the way his does, since he has lived in a pack with a strict peck order. Still, his demanding behavior, huge ego and obsession with alphas and submission and what not is tiring, especially because the change in him is slow - too slow, just not enough. I always had to remind myself that he’s a husky, and his behavior is probably related to that too. Zeus, on the other hand, is adorable, endearing, instant love, a very nice gentle giant and you can only root for him to find happiness <3333

The story is fascinating with creating the myth of the Alaskan quickened pack and Alaskan nature (they really run with wolves!!!), then the way Timo’s horizon broadens in Mad Creek, the problem and solution for the pack issues. A big plus is that we catch up on all the pairings. I liked Lance’s and Matt’s friendships with Zeus. It was also nice to see that Matt does not shy away from doggy skinship ^^ We got the most of Jason and Milo, Jason for the genetics and Milo as a helper on every level, but unfortunately we got the least from my fave pairing, Sammy and Rav - Sammy appeared in the beginning in the S&R team, and Rav shortly later, but not enough catching up with them :(

The book has one problem: the romance suffers big time due to the plot... Yes, they are fascinated with each other, the signs are there, and Zeus notices relatively early that he’s in love, but he doesn’t act on it, he rather removes himself, and Timo doesn’t notice anything, he doesn’t even consider the option. Homosexuality does not exist in his pack, would be a problem too, because his pack needs puppies, and even after he observes it in Mad Creek he does not consider it for himself until Zeus flips, then after some drama he does a 180° - around the 80% mark of the story. This is just... not enough, Zeus deserved a more satisfying romance. Too many things happen, the discovery of Mad Creek takes too many pages, Hitty’s issue was unnecessary at that length too (though I’m glad Simon was finally mated) - these could have been made more compact in favor of the romance. If there was something more obvious in Timo, like that type of attraction, longing or whatever, it would have been better, but like this it was too sudden and not enough. And since they get together too late in the story (I repeat, after 80%!) Zeus and Timo cannot really grow as a couple, so the part with their relationship ended with a huge not enough in me. Same for the sex, they were both new to that, so it would have needed a few more times with more discovery of their bodies, intimacy, giving pleasure and growing emotionally - I can’t help but compare this to the slow build-up emotionally and sexually between Rav and Sammy in the previous book and yeah, something like that would have been necessary here too.

The novel is a great read, it just needed a better balance of the plot. I’m happy that this was not the last of this series, and this book was actually the starting point of a spinoff series with the Alaskan pack! I can see the next pairing already with the pack alpha Yuki and Bruno from Mad Creek, fufufufufu, it will be great, there are already sparks flying, though not _those_ sparks yet, mind you XD I also hope that the pack can bond with the Inuit again, especially with that _handsome_ (you don’t call a nameless character handsome unless he will be important later XD) older guy who was pained that his dog was stolen by the pack. Btw that last scene with him was beautiful, and makes me hopeful that he will also be paired with a quickened. It was never made clear whether his stolen dog was a quickened or not, but if yes, it would be nice if he bonded with his lost dog who got the spark because of him, that would be lovely! So yeah, I can imagine at least two books. Easton also wrote in the afterword that she feels there might be one more book in Mad Creek - no idea between whom, but it would be nice :)

Anyway, looking forward to the next episode in 2020~

#m/m novel #long post #should post something else too #but recently I'm too tired for tumblr ><#I only seem to post when I have to get something out of my system ^^;;;

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spnfanficpond · 5 years

Text

November 2018 Pond LiveChat Recap

We had a great time chatting with Rhi, @kittenofdoomage!!! Thank you so much for joining us!

We talked about getting readers, interacting with readers, and how Tumblr has made it more and more difficult with their changes for new writers to get noticed. Details from our discussion with Rhi under the cut, as well as notes on what we’re working on in the Pond!

Q: Do you wait until you are done writing a series before you begin posting, or do you post as you write?

I wait until I'm done writing a series. At some point, the idea will catch me and I have to write the entire thing, which will take about three days. Editing for another 1-2 depending on my betas and then it gets released in its entirety on Patreon (my patrons like reading the entire fic in one go, they're paying for it so I'm not gonna make 'em wait) and comes out in chapters on Tumblr about three-four weeks later. I hate feeling like I'm making people wait too long and then shit happens like it did with three of my permanently hiatused fics.

Q: Well, as for why we're here, Rhi, you get so many asks every day. How do you have such involved readers?

A lot of my readers who respond are regulars. I have those who pop up with the odd "this is awesome" and those who will write long involved reviews which I love!

Q: Do you think there's anything in particular that you do that encourages people to interact with you?

Yeah, I'm open with people and pretty approachable. I like discussing things, plot points, characters, anything really. There are very few things that trigger me, too. I have only three specific things that will turn me away from a fic. I think my lack of triggers helps with people who need someone like that to talk to.

Q: Do you ever ask around and try to figure out what people are looking to read to try and help boost your reader count or do you just draw inspiration from your own ideas?

At the moment, I'm mostly working on commissions, so it's other people's ideas. I'm lucky that most of my Patrons and commissioners are very patient with me and know up front that I have no specific time limits. I will write it but I can't force it. And I won't force it because that leaves everyone with a shit story.I never put an idea away forever though. I write them all down. If inspiration hits for something, I write it there and then because I never know if I'll get that mojo back.

Q: Has there ever been an Idea that has caught you by surprise when you start it as one thing but it ends up as something else?

Only about six thousand times.

Over The Hills And Far Away that I'm writing now, was supposed to only be a Dean x reader but my reader decided to go and have chemistry with Sam too.

Q: Have you noticed a bump in followers after you do anything specific?

I always have a bump in followers after Sinful Sunday. Unfortunately, I always end up with a bump in unsolicited dick pics and porn bots, too, so a purge usually follows. When I post new characters or fandoms, too. I've recently picked up a bunch of Marvel followers.

Q: As a big blog, you must also get some hate. How do you deal with that?

They don't like me because I play with them and their insults are like water off a duck's back with me. Unless they bring my kid into it. I shut an entire set of blogs down when that happened. That's also why I no longer post anything to do with my daughter. I will avoid using her name wherever possible. If I'm in a bad mood, I ignore it. If I'm feeling like an utter bitch, I'll tear them a new asshole.

Q: Rhi, it sounds like you have a lot on your plate with family, work, and writing. Is there anything in particular that keeps your creativity flowing so you don't burn out?

I try and do something different every day. Painting, gaming, going for a walk - it's important for me not to spend all my time on one thing. Even if it's just cleaning. I also listen to a lot of music - Classic Rock on Absolute Radio is my fav. Actually, my favorite time to think about fics is when I'm about to go to sleep.

Q: I'm not sure how to even ask this, but I came into the spn fic fandom a little late and so I'm finding it difficult to gather new followers. Do you have any advice? I have a master post with the few pieces I've written but I've gotten a lot of flack for writing OCs...

Tumblr is not helping with regards to gaining new followers lately. Tags aren't working if you're an NSFW blog, no one can search anything. The only thing I can suggest is reblogging, asking other authors if they'll read your work.

[Other suggestions from the chat included submitting fics to @dirtysupernaturalimagines and the Pond, joining other people’s writing challenges (The Pond’s S14 Challenge is here, @thing-you-do-with-that-thing is always running challenges, and @mrswhozeewhatsis has a tag #writing challenge on her blog). Also, “Tumblr loves porn” and the fandom loves Dean, in particular, so writing more Dean smut will get you more readers. Just adding “Dean x Reader” to the tags, even if the relationship is barely mentioned, will get you more readers. Sam will get you the same result, but to a lesser extent. Rhi got bigger writing ABO fics, and carved out a niche for herself with them to the point she’s considered the ABO expert in reader insert fics. Another tip was to strip OC’s of names and defining physical features, since OC’s don’t get a lot of love. Many “Y/N”’s are actually just OC’s without a name. Also, if you’re writing a story that will eventually have smut, list “eventual smut” in the tags.]

Q: Random question: a bunch of us smaller blogs have noticed a drop in reblogs over the last year or so, and I'd be curious to know if, as a bigger blog, you've seen anything like this as well?

Absolutely. A year ago I was getting about 10-20k notes a day. Now, if I hit a thousand, it's a good day and I'm expecting to take a massive hit because of Sinful Sunday, if they don't entirely delete my blog.

Q: Does anyone have any idea why the notes have all dropped so much? Is it a glitch in notes? People being more apprehensive to reblog nsfw things because of all the nsfw fear going on?

Community responses: The posts with outside links not showing up in searches is related to bots and porn blogs that only reblog posts to add a link to a sketchy outside web page. Several months ago, though, Tumblr started the “best stuff first” algorithm (which can be turned off in your dashboard settings, but not everyone knows this), and that pushed posts with few notes to the bottom of the dashboard feed. Since you never really get to the bottom, those posts never get seen. Tags and reblogs to build up note counts are the only way to combat this. Now, messing with the search functions means that there will be no new readers without blogs that just reblog fics, like the Pond and @dirtysupernaturalimagines and such.

[Editor’s Note: Rhi told us she’s working on a UPS Driver!Sam fic!! I’m excited. “What can Brown do for me?” YES, PLEASE!]

What’s coming up in the Pond:

Angel Fish Award nominations are due by the end of the month, so you have less than a week to submit yours and gain an entry for every nomination into the raffle! Win fabulous prizes just for spreading love! HOW COOL IS THAT? (Also, don’t forget to submit your own fics to the Pond so that other Pond members can easily find them and nominate them!)

Note: Please use the submission form to submit nominations. Asks do not allow you to include a link to the fic, and sometimes we can’t find what you’re nominating, especially now that Tumblr searches don’t work.

Design contest to find a Pond graphic! Entries are due by the end of the month, so less than a week away! So far, we have ONE (1) entry! (I mean, it’s a pretty fabulous entry, but still!) Winner gets their choice of swag with their design on it!!

SPNFanFicPond Season 14 Weekly Episode Writing Challenge - Since we didn’t have a new episode this past Thursday, the previous week’s challenge is still collecting submissions. (Honestly, there’s no deadline on any of them. Post a fic using a prompt from any week, and you’ll still be added to the masterpost and reblogged on the Pond blog.)

New Member Spotlight Post coming soon! Check out last month’s post here!

Still accepting additions and discussion about the Warning Tag List (tags to be used to assist folks in avoiding triggers and protect their mental health, not be confused with tags to help people find or avoid preferences). Reply or reblog the post itself, or send an ask to the Pond with suggestions!

Plans are in the works to try and make the blog more app-friendly. Please be patient with us in the meantime!

Plans to expand the beta program to make it easier to find the type of beta you need are also on the to-do list.

Housekeeping Note: If you send an ask to the Pond and do not get a response in a couple of days, please notify one of the admins (Michelle - @mrswhozeewhatsis, Mana - @manawhaat, or Kale - @aprofoundbondwithdean) via IM and let us know!

Thanks to everyone who joined us this month and made it an awesome conversation!! Can’t wait for next month!

Next month’s discussion: Giving feedback to other writers and how a beta reader can help your writing! Joining us will be @littlegreenplasticsoldier!

Be there Dec. 15th at the usual time! (Los Angeles - 2PM, New York - 5PM, London - 10PM, Melbourne - Sunday 9AM)

#spnfanficpond #chat room #spnfanficpond live chat #THE CHAT ROOM #pond chat

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zoesrose · 3 years

Text

TEXTS; ZOE & YAS

pt.1 - October 2021 - December 2020

OCTOBER 2021

yasmin puckerman

somethin just made me think of you

what’s good?

zoe rose

You're missing something.

yasmin puckerman

oh shit.

lemme start over

I was just thinking bout you Sir

zoe rose

Good girl. What was it that made you think about me?

yasmin puckerman

someone was like, A type Dominants meh

zoe rose

And you disagreed?

yasmin puckerman

I’d put my opinion at (drool.emoji)

zoe rose

I'm flattered.

yasmin puckerman

dope

smoke sesh soon?

zoe rose

Sunday if you're free.

yasmin puckerman

as a bird

zoe rose

Be here at 2pm.

yasmin puckerman

yessir

sir

zoe roseBOT — 10/30/2020

(leaf) (smoke)?

yasmin puckerman

in the middle of the night

guess you'll have to order me around, Sir.

zoe rose

You're ordered to my room. Bring your favorite snack.

yasmin puckerman

see, snacks i'm low onI'll just bring your new favorite snack

zoe rose

And what's that?

yasmin puckerman

zoe rose

See you in ten minutes.

yasmin puckerman

you got it Sir

NOVEMBER

yasmin puckerman

Hey, what's good?

zoe rose

Try that again.

yasmin puckerman

Damn, that really is my bad. Hey, what's good, Sir?

zoe rose

That's better. I'm just helping my sister with an assignment. Having a good weekend?

yasmin puckerman

I always have a good weekend. This weekends got a lack of blonde baddie though. A shame, Sir.

zoe rose

And which bad blondie is that?

yasmin puckerman

bruh you, Sir.

zoe rose

I suppose I just never would have called myself a 'blondie' despite my hair being dyed.

yasmin puckerman

but you're blonde right now though

zoe rose

You make a valid point. Well if you wanted my attention, you already know what you need to do to get it.

yasmin puckerman

Are there other ways? Like if I walked up to you on campus and just flashed you that wouldn't work?

zoe rose

I should rephrase. That would certainly get my attention. But it wouldn't earn my time.

yasmin puckerman

What if I ever wanted you to earn my time?

right right Imma keep it in mind.

zoe rose

I've got this new sativa strain I'd like to share with you. If you're free tonight.

yasmin puckerman

sativa is the magic word, Sir. I'd be breaking plans if I wasn't.

zoe rose

That's good to know for the future. Let me know when you're here, I'll come and get you.

yasmin puckerman

yessir.

zoe rose

Hello.

yasmin puckerman

(alien)

Sir.

zoe rose

Is that your version of a hello?

yasmin puckerman

it counts What's up? How was your holiday?

zoe rose

I suppose nothing is up, I just wanted to say hello. It was fine, spend it with my sister. How was yours?

yasmin puckerman

fire. food was bomb, and my mom is down. Just been hanging with family

zoe rose

Oh good. I hope you enjoy the rest of your holiday.

yasmin puckerman

I had to work Friday but the rest of the weekend is gonna be tight ya boy got new strains in, picking up tomorrow. you wanna match and mix Sunday night?

zoe rose

You can come over here. I'll venmo you so you can pick up for the both of us?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah got you. I could do that. I get a discount at the shop now so imma bring you a surprise, Sir.

zoe rose

I'm not big on surprises.

yasmin puckerman

you're gonna like this one

zoe rose

Do I get a hint?

yasmin puckerman

Nah

zoe rose

I suppose that’s fair. I’ll just be patient then.

yasmin puckerman

damn I am not patient. i could come by late late? I'll kneel at the door or some shit, get you going

zoe rose

I could teach you to be. Kneel. And I'll make you beg.

yasmin puckerman

that was a one two punch

aight, Sir imma do that. but I'm not bringing it till tomorrow. We can be some patient.

zoe rose

You'll be a good girl for me, right?

yasmin puckerman

yessir. good girls got a good ring to it coming at me

zoe rose

We'll see then.

DECEMBER

yasmin puckerman

Yo retestings been wild huh? You still my favorite Dominant over there?

zoe rose

Your favorite, hm? My mark has not changed. I'm assuming you're still marked Switch?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I'm not saying I have a ranking system but Switchin thru and thru

zoe rose

But if you did, I'd be on top. Seems as though there was a lot of changes from test.

yasmin puckerman

I said what I said Sir Yeah I guess. It'd be weird if somehow got cornered into a different role.

zoe rose

You know I appreciate your honesty.

Do you dominate as often as you submit with me?

yasmin puckerman

you are very welcome

yeah probably. I don’t keep track but it feels pretty even.

zoe rose

Do you ever see yourself favoring one over the other?

yasmin puckerman

I don't feel that way now so, nah doubt it

zoe rose

I'm impressed at how you can keep going back in forth in your mindset. I suppose that's the point though, hm?

yasmin puckerman

Yup me too but the more I hear people talk about Switches the less sense it ma Haven't heard any complaints.

zoe rose

I would love to watch you dominate someone.

yasmin puckerman

Oh yeah? Curious to see me in action huh

zoe rose

I am.

yasmin puckerman

It'd be all looking and no touching though I know how you like to be the own with the rules

zoe rose

I can respect that.

yasmin puckerman

aight, maybe I can make that happen

zoe rose

Just let me know.

zoe rose

I have a favor to ask, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

aight shoot

zoe rose

My sister, Marley, was remarked in the recent retests and is having a hard time adjusting to being a Switch. I was hoping you'd be able to talk to her about that. From what I can see, you're the most competent Switch here.

yasmin puckerman

bruh

zoe rose

I'm not sure what that means.

yasmin puckerman

my bad. yeah, I could talk to her but you know I don't know like, official rules and shit right? do you know how long a trial claim is?

zoe rose

She doesn't need someone who knows the rules by heart, any one of us could look them up. She needs someone who comfortably plays both sides of their mark and knows that being a Switch take away from the submissive role you play with certain people.

It's either 3 or 6 months, depending on the couple.

yasmin puckerman

You want me to approach her or you gonna set that up? depending on what about the couple tho?

zoe rose

I think it would be alright if you approached her, I just need to let her know that I've asked you to talk to her.

Depending on how much time they need, some couples need 3 months, some need 6.

yasmin puckerman

Aight no worries. I met her once, she got good energy. We'll hang. Oh. Ok thanks.

zoe rose

Thank you, I appreciate that.

Was there any particular reason you wanted to know about the length of a trial claim?

yasmin puckerman

My brother just got into one. So I just wanted to know. You know how it is.

zoe rose

I see. Yes. I'll talk to my sister in the morning so you're free to approach her after that.

Thank you again.

yasmin puckerman

No problem

yasmin puckerman

Feel like I don't gotta ask but, you at that claim thing tonight? [a few moments later] Sir.

zoe rose

No. Are you?

yasmin puckerman

Nah. Wanna get blasted?

zoe rose

Is that a real question?

yasmin puckerman

Also nah. Guess the only question is if your door is locked or I should let myself in?

zoe rose

Door's unlocked. Roommate is at the dance, so I'm in the living room.

yasmin puckerman

Dope. You want a strawberry soda from the vending machine?

zoe rose

Only if they don't have orange.

yasmin puckerman

aight get orange. Yessir. Got it .

zoe rose

Thank you.

yasmin puckerman

You mind escorting me to work, Sir?

zoe rose

No.

yasmin puckerman

I’m always running late now I gotta find Dominants every other day And a solid stash spot cause, damn

zoe rose

I’ll make sure you’re on time.

Know any doctors?

yasmin puckerman

I have a cousin in Chicago who knows a guy in Jacksonville. Hella working on it. Read my mind.

zoe rose

Perfect, tell them I’ll pay whatever

yasmin puckerman

wassup, Sir. Thanks for the escort yesterday.

zoe rose

You’re welcome.

Do you have holiday plans?

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I’m leaving Sunday to go home with the my brothers. You busy Saturday night?

zoe rose

I’m also leaving Sunday night. No, I’m not busy

yasmin puckerman

Imma come by. I got something for you.

zoe rose

I already have a BITCH paddle.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah and?

zoe rose

My point is you don’t need to give me anything else.

yasmin puckerman

Oh yeah I know. But I do Hanukkah and Christmas so I’m just used to double triplin 8 daying some gifts you know? I got a little sum out of that paddle anyways so was it really a gift for YOU?

zoe rose

Alright. I have something for you too

yasmin puckerman

dope. Can’t wait.

zoe rose

It looks good.

yasmin puckerman

hell yeah you do

zoe rose

Thank you.

Did you have a good time in Chicago?

yasmin puckerman

Really made the most of it

Got caught sneaking back in the house through my bedroom window. Moms was so confused.

zoe rose

Is that an old habit of yours?

yasmin puckerman

allergic to the front door as a teenager. How was your holiday?

zoe rose

Have anything to do with our habit? It was fine. Good even.

yasmin puckerman

A little of that, a little of being a weird ass kid Got a lotta time in with the fam?

zoe rose

Plus old habits die hard. Yes, a lot of time spent eating and my sister singing.

yasmin puckerman

Oh I didn’t know she could sing. Do you sing too?

zoe rose

She can. And I don’t.

yasmin puckerman

Don’t isn’t can’t tho...

zoe rose

I'm not singing for you.

yasmin puckerman

Sounds like can

Maybe I could earn it some day

zoe rose

It would take a lot for you to earn that, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

that’s aight. I’m patient

nah, whole lie. I was gonna say well behaved but that didn’t work right either

zoe rose

You can be well behaved when you want to be.

yasmin puckerman

That’s true. With the right motivation. Ok yup, bet. That stands.

zoe rose

I’ll see you when I get back, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

(alien) (peace) (wink)

zoe rose

Have you ever been on a yacht?

yasmin puckerman

I didn’t even know it was spelled like that.

zoe rose

Seems as though there's a party on one that's open to everyone. Would you like it to crash it with me?

yasmin puckerman

Yup. Hell yeah I’m in. What’s the gear like? Do I gotta get dressed dressed?

zoe rose

I believe there's a theme, but it's to our discretion. I plan on wearing a pant suit of some kind.

And since we're on the subject, I would really like the chance to dress you, Yas.

yasmin puckerman

You wanna choose what I wear?

zoe rose

Yes.

yasmin puckerman

easy. You got it, Sir. Let know when you want me by.

zoe rose

6pm

yasmin puckerman

zoe rose

Yes, please. Thank you.

yasmin puckerman

cool

JANUARY 2021

yasmin puckerman

How your sub legs doing?

zoe rose

It's fine.

yasmin puckerman

If I was you I'd be like iT's fINe wHAT??

but i'm not doing you like that, don't worry

zoe rose

that was funny

but i'm not calling you Miss

but i suppose this week, you are free to call me Zoe

or any other nicknames you're been wanting to use

yasmin puckerman

oh shit

I'm gonna have to think on that.

zoe rose

no rush, I have a feeling this week is just going to drag

yasmin puckerman

It's not all that bad. Bet you could have fun with it.

zoe rose

i doubt it

yasmin puckerman

You already got a nickname from me

zoe rose

What's that?

yasmin puckerman

you got other people callin you Sir?

zoe rose

No, but I'm not sure if I would call that a nickname

yasmin puckerman

petname

zoe rose

A petname insinuates complete freedom, you have to use a title with me

yasmin puckerman

switch up got you splitting hairs

zoe rose

It does have me on edge

yasmin puckerman

you're still gonna be the same you on the other side maybe know a little more what it's like to be me is all and Marley

zoe rose

Thank you.

Sir.

yasmin puckerman

good girl tight Goodnight Zoe.

zoe rose

What's bothering you?

yasmin puckerman

Just got that feeling. You know when you gotta get control, let off steam some of the healthy ways

zoe rose

I understand that feeling all too well.

If you find that you need to (leaf) (smoke) just let me know and I'll come to you.

yasmin puckerman

always take that offer

zoe rose

I'll be right over then

yasmin puckerman

dope

zoe rose

Are you busy tonight?

yasmin puckerman

Free as a bird.

zoe rose

Would you like to accompany me to the club? I need to let loose.

yasmin puckerman

Hell yeah. Let's do that.

yasmin puckerman

so the smight flub babes... creepy fetish murders or regular type masochists what you think?

zoe rose

I think it's the latter.

yasmin puckerman

Me too. They had a chill vibe. I’m guaranteed to like anyone that complements my right hook tho so I trust your judgement more, Sir.

zoe rose

You do have a nice right hook. It's too bad you didn't get to see mine.

yasmin puckerman

I jumped too soon. I know, I know Froggy and I am not sorry

But if we hit up their spot, that should facilitate that.

zoe rose

I'm going to add a

next to your name in my phone

Is it something you want to check out?

yasmin puckerman

thanks I hate it Yeah I think it is. What’s the worst that could happen right? If its shit we’ll leave.

zoe rose

I won't, don't worry.

If we're going to do this, I want to establish some rules first.

yasmin puckerman

You said rules and my stupid ass got horny tf But I agree. I think. What type of rules?

zoe rose

Rules for your safety.

1. You will stay in my sight at all times. 2. When I say stop, that means stop. 3. When/if I say it's time to go, there will be no questions asked. 4. When/if you say it's time to go, I will escort you out, no questions asked.

yasmin puckerman

Yeah I’m down. What about if you lose your shit, could we drop rank? Hold up do you ever lose your shit? I can’t see it now that I think about it.

zoe rose

I never lose my shit. I've been described as apathetic on more than one occasion.

yasmin puckerman

I could see it. Aight bet. Got you, Sir. Looks I got plans next Sat night

zoe rose

I'd like to make it a habit to dress you whenever we're together. If that's alright with you.

yasmin puckerman

Whenever we going out somewhere or whenever whenever I’m with you?

zoe rose

The latter is tempting, but we'll stick to the first one for now

yasmin puckerman

I’m cool with that. Had me looking good on that yacht

#yasmin #texts: yasmin #texts: part one #( kiss it better )

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lgbtfalloutwinterholiday · 6 years

Text

[fic] Baby, We’re Really In Love (Arcade/Courier Six)

Happy Holidays!

Here is @enclaveoilrig ‘s submission for @gaydeliverydriverunion.

Pairing: Arcade Gannon/Courier Six Summary: Prompt: “I think something sweet with Arcade and Courier six sort of having their own celebration of the new year together would be nice. they're away from their friends (a few months after an independent vegas ending i think) and sort of enjoying each others company. i think some sign of celebration in the distance would be cool. something sort of sappy would be really lovely” Word Count: 3.3K Rating: SFW Warnings: Alcohol usage

Within the glow of the Strip, Arcade works a late-night shift at the Mormon Fort. The power has gone out again, which is something almost all of Freeside has gotten used to by now. His collogues quickly adjust asking for portable lights or anything that gives off a glow. The patients do the same, a few making jokes to humor themselves. A couple of months ago he would have just grumbled under his breath about the unfairness of the NCR’s hold on Freeside, but now he briefly smiles. After all, the reason they even have a dedicated line of power in the first place brings back memories that have a sentimental attachment to them. Also, it’s their power, something they own, not the NCR’s or House’s.

Arcade isn’t tucked away in the corner of the Mormon Fort much anymore. Sometimes he misses that slower pace, but ever since New Vegas gained independence, the Followers have stretched all their resources to the maximum. He’s let himself take a bigger role within the Mormon Fort, too. His inspiration and motivation for this change stems from his experiences with Six and everything that comes with the other man. That ‘everything’ is a complex grab bag of unsaid words and feelings, but somehow between the two of them, there is an understanding that Arcade is grateful to have.

“It’s almost tranquil if it weren’t for the lack of good supplies, tents, and organization.” It’s Julie Farkas’ voice that pulls Arcade out of his inner monologue. “This is your third late night shift in a row, isn’t it, Arcade?”

“And your fourth,” he doesn’t say that to shut her down or purely point out her hypocrisy. It’s still a habit he has that makes him feel like he should deflect the conversation back on to the other person, especially if they’re following his behavior and actions more closely than others. “It’s fine. We need the all the people we have, and I doubt any new graduates from the Boneyard are lining up to be sent here.” It’s well known by now that the Followers have it tough out here, far tougher than before. Besides the NCR purposely making things more difficult for the Followers and anyone out in the Mojave, the aftermath of Hoover dam is overwhelming enough already.

“I’ll stop putting off my vacation to San Francisco.” He’s heard that line from Julie before, and by now, it’s a running gag. It might have been possible for her to leave the Mormon Fort back in September or August, but not now.

“Eventually,” Arcade added, returning the humor.

“Of course.” The conversation between them feels comfortable, something Arcade did not often feel when talking to others until more recently. “I still have some time before the Shi celebrate their New Years; I want to see the blooming flowers that decorate the main gate into Shi-town.”

“It’s nice.” If he closes his eyes, he could envision the flower petals falling onto the ground. “So I’ve heard.” The second part of his statement comes after a delayed pause, but Julie doesn’t give him a strange look or say anything. Or maybe he just doesn’t notice as he’s distracted.

The sun will rise in a few hours, and Arcade’s age and fatigue are catching up to him. He could go back to the Lucky 38, but the place is like an Old World museum meets well preserved archeological gravesite. The only people who reside there these days are Six and him along with Six’s eyebot and cyberdog. Arcade knows the suite will be empty tonight and has been for a few days. If someone were to hypothetically correlate the fact Six being away and him staying these late night shifts, he would say correlation does not equal causation. Yet deep down, something Arcade doesn’t want to admit aloud, is that he doesn’t want to return to an empty room without Six when the whole place reminds him of the man.

Arcade finds himself back in the tent he used to spend most of his time in at the Mormon Fort. While it’s tucked away, the tent is open enough to let sunbeams pierce through. He’s not even sure when he went to sleep or how he ended up here. Those details don’t matter as he has a feeling he should have been awake hours ago to help.

He starts to get up, a hand feeling he has his glasses on already before running a hand through his hair. More than just his back aches right now and the pains of hunger and thirst are starting to weight on him. He wonders briefly how presentable he looks right now, and if it’s bad, he would either have to borrow another coat and shirt from one of the other Followers or drag himself up to the Lucky 38.

He catches his reflection and he doesn’t look like death walking. He actually appears softer around the edges most likely due to the fatigue. In his current level of sleep desperation, he might even be more personable and more passive to converse with. He knows within a minute or two of being outside the tent he’ll find something to do no matter how he looks. He’ll either be pulled to help with someone who got mugged or tugged to help a child with malnutrition.

Even before he fully leaves the tent, someone is calling out to him. It’s a familiar face, but one he isn’t expecting. It’s Emily Ortal, someone whose reassignment got approved and was moving to work closer to her hometown.

“Long night, huh? Well, Julie wants to pick up some supplies that came from Vault City through the Garett Twins.”

“So, she wants me to take a break.” Supply pickups aren’t the best use of his skills nor something he does that often. Sometimes doctors would volunteer to get a break from the Fort for half an hour or so.

“Pretty much. Take it easy, Arcade, and make sure the Buffout and Med-X aren’t watered down like the last time. You know how to tell, don’t you?” He just nods at Emily’s question, not wanting to really engage in anything further. “Oh, and happy New Year, Arcade. Don’t work through it unless you have to.” He continues nodding without realizing her exact words, muttering something along the lines of ‘you too’ or ‘same’.

He only realizes that it really is New Year’s Eve when he’s close to the Atomic Wrangler. There’s a good amount of people going in and out of the place. The atmosphere is even slightly different, more of a celebratory tone rather than a suffocating burying-one’s-trouble sort of feeling. He’s never been too fond of this place and what it does, but the Followers have become dependent on the Garett Twins for supplies now the NCR isn’t bringing as many traders and caravans.

When Arcade enters the Atomic Wrangler, a few of the locals recognize him and holler his name. He just waves back, feeling that too many eyes are staring right at him. Too much attention from others kicks in an instinct that he has to be careful, and that sort of instinct has paid off in the Mojave. Now if only he could cut down on the awkward rambling that causes others to look at him like he’s a brahmin with one head.

He notices that it’s Francine managing the front of the house instead of James; it is a relief in all honesty. He doesn’t even take a seat at the bar or have eye contact with her before she starts talking to him.

“The supplies came in early this morning.” Arcade gets a feeling she’s saying this to him to point out she’s waited a while. “It was supposed to come in a few days ago, but the caravaneer said something’s going on between Vault City and some neighboring town.”

“There’s always something going on.” If he were the overtalkative stage of fatigue right about now, he would have started a tangent on the injustice and corruption on Vault City. Luckily for the Francine, he’s either past that stage or not there yet.

“And we manage.” Francine cuts him off early, probably expecting Arcade to say more.

“We do.” A quick reply and Francine gestures to the staircase. In the back upstairs is where the supplies are kept, and once Arcade gets a quick look through for quality assurance, he’ll be hauling it back.

Checking supplies isn’t Arcade’s specialty, but he’s gotten a lot more practice now that the Followers and New Vegas as a whole doesn’t have the NCR to rely on. New Vegas is still rumbling and finding it’s groove with being independent. That means plenty of conmen and people willing to take advantage of the situation to make quick caps.

Even checking the supplies reminds him of Six, and he feels pitiful about this. Isn’t he old enough that seeing boxes of Buffout wouldn’t make him feel this way? Or maybe it is nostalgia from being his age. It’s so easy to get lost in that memory of when he first met Six, how the other asked him for some advice on Buffout and dosage level.

He doesn’t want to describe and assign how he’s feeling to emotions because if he does it’ll remind him that this isn’t some casual affair between him and Six. No, in fact, it’s something much deeper than the two of them have clumsily found themselves in. He never expected to form a relationship with Six in this way, beyond just feelings. They’ve been working together to help New Vegas rebuild and strengthen local governments. Six has given him the opportunity to actually help people rather philosophize and read Old World economic policies. That’s why he’s so grateful for Six in his life, that he truly brings out the best in Arcade.

Though, right now, Arcade doesn’t look so great and paler than usual (and that is saying something).

Arcade decides he really does need some rest, which means going back to the very empty and haunting Lucky 38 to get some proper sleep. He drops off the supplies at the Mormon Fort before walking towards The Strip. This time the supplies are mostly in good condition, only about five or six of the Med-X syringes are dysfunctional versus any major problems. Maybe Six’s talk with the caravaneers who go through Vault City paid off. Arcade’s talks with the Modoc caravaneers and the Klamath ones proved fruitful so far.

Entering the suite still is unsettling to Arcade, and part of hopes that Six will come up in the elevator after him. Yet a minute later, no one is there and no one has greeted him. He takes his coat off and anything that smells like it needs to be cleaned. He’ll get to them later he tells himself, just wanting to sleep.

He lies down on the bed he shares with Six, but the warmth of another isn’t there. The sheets are cold and the room isn’t filled with him talking. It’s too quiet, for a change, and Arcade wishes the silence could be filled. He could fill it himself, talking about supply-side economics, but it’s New Year’s Eve, so he’ll spare himself.

He does let his mind drift to a memory of Six and that lets him fall asleep a bit more easily.

“Arcade,” the first thing he feels is a warm breath around his neck. Then he feels a squeeze, arms wrapped around his torso.

He doesn’t have his glasses on this time when he wakes up, and from what he can tell, the room is almost pitch black anyway. His brain is telling him he should feel more alarmed, but his body feels relaxed. It’s not long after he realizes what’s going.

“Were you trying to wake me up?” Arcade knows Six’s presence and voice, and the laugh confirms it’s him.

“Maybe. Maybe not. What’s the best answer?” Arcade feels a soft kiss planted on his neck. “If I don’t want to upset you.”

“And makeup sex was so last month ago.” It’s easier to be the pleasant sort of sarcastic with Six here with him.

“What a shame. I guess I’ll have to find another way.”Arcade turns around to face Six, even if he can’t make out his face without having his glasses on. “More fun for me.” They share a kiss, and it’s still surprising Six can be this tender and affectionate. Especially with how Arcade first perceived and judged him.

“I’ll be patient.” He might not be able to see Six smiling, but he can somehow feel it. He can’t explain why or how but he just can.

“Good. I’ll make it worth your while.” Six buries his head in Arcade’s chest snuggling him. Arcade can’t make out the exact words he said, but it sounded like there was a ‘missed you’ and ‘I love you’ muttered into his chest. Arcade doesn’t say the words back but he feels the exact same way.

The two of they just lie together in bed for maybe ten minutes or so in silence. Six is always doing something or moving about, but occasionally in these intimate moments together, it’s like Six is just focused on him and time and the Mojave are waiting on them rather than vice versa. The two of them touching each other and feeling each other’s presence is enough, the sound of silence isn’t a distractor but something positive.

“Happy New Year,” only now it feels like he can truly celebrate the new year with Six here. “For auld lang syne.” He isn’t sure, but he has a feeling Six has fallen asleep. It’s a reflective moment Arcade wants to appreciate.

The two of them wake up again, and by then, The Strip’s lights seem brighter than usual. Activity on the Strip has picked up, Arcade watching people from the window. The Lucky 38’s penthouse is where most of the alcohol is stored, and Six suggested they go up here to get a better view, something the presidential suite lacks. Arcade hasn’t been here too much since everyone went their own way. It’s probably the most well-preserved parts of the hotel and thus the place that feels the most unsettling.

Six pours Arcade a drink while Six’s eyebot hovers over the both of them. Arcade’s gotten more comfortable with the robot, and they’ve even formed a kinship with each as they are both forgotten fragments of Enclave made anew to help New Vegas. It feels nice that Six is sitting next to him since he was gone for more than a week.

“You didn’t bring me up here just for drinks, did you?” Arcade takes the drink anyway, not waiting to hear Six’s response.

“I’m trying that whole, uh, what’s it called? Being ‘romantic’ thing.”

“Good luck with that one.” Arcade knows Six is really trying his best at being a good lover, something Six was honest with him about. Arcade knows he isn’t the easiest person to be with, and sometimes he believes the struggles outweigh the benefits.

“I need all the luck that I can get, but we are in a hotel called the Lucky 38, so…” Six pours himself a drink but just holds onto it for now. “You’ll tell me if I mess up or whatever won’t you?”

“I never exactly pictured you to be the type to recite Ovid’s Amores in perfect Latin, so you’re off the hook.” He watches Six make a face that’s he’s all too familiar with. “I am kidding. Please don’t do that. I might think that something in that Old World science laboratory finally got to you.”

“Fine, fine. I was really going to see if I could find whatever you wanted me to recite.” Six seems eager and not ready to let this go.

“And recite it?”

“Well, first I’d want to see what it’s about before sacrificing a part of my dignity.” Six doesn’t seem embarrassed at all but instead seems to have embraced it.

“It would be a rather large chunk, and very not you.” He doesn’t want to have Six feel it’s something Arcade wants him to do. He prefers Six just be himself, so instead, he makes an offer. “If I find a copy, I’ll read it to you.”

“Really?” Six actually seems happy, something Arcade is surprised about.

“Having someone willing to listen to my attempt at making Latin poetry be entertaining? I think you’re the only one.” Arcade remembers nights in the Followers’ library when he was young where he would read as much Latin poetry as he could under Nicole’s portrait.

“Probably.” They both laugh.

“And also it’s not every day I’d sacrifice some of my dignity, but I’ll let that go as it’s for the cause of knowledge.” Arcade’s glad to have someone like Six to talk with like this, where he doesn’t feel like he has to hide or compartmentalize parts of himself for.

“Of course. That’s the only reason.” Six finally takes the shot he poured for himself earlier. “I love you, Arcade.”

“Because I am willing to sacrifice some of my dignity?” He knows that’s not the reason, but sarcasm as a deflection still is a habit he can’t break. Maybe in time, he’ll be able to say he loves Six back as easily as Six tells him.

“That and plenty of other stuff. Want me to start listing ‘em?” The one good thing about their relationship is that Six is pressuring him, just him.

“Not for tonight. We’ve have a few drinks in us and that might lead us into the dangerous territory of emotional dumping.” Drunkenly telling Six he loves him over and over isn’t how he wants to spend New Year.

“Right, right.” Six points out to the landscape in front of them “Luckily for you I got something to show you, and it should be starting soon.”

Arcade stares out the window, looking at the dark night sky and the softening glow the Strip has on Freeside. The view of the Strips’ lights looks different from up here than from down below from the Mormon Fort. The darkness doesn’t last so long, as a loud, almost thunderous, popping explosion sound goes off. Bright lights fill the sky, and while non-big city Wastelanders might not know what this is, Arcade does.

“Muggy found a stash of fireworks and I thought I’d bring them back. I wasn’t sure what to exactly to with them, but Yes Man thought it’d be nice to celebrate the New Year with.”

“It’s very traditional.” It’s the first thing that popped into Arcade’s head, and he wishes he would have said something else

“Traditional…” Six looks a bit confused, not expecting that word.

“I mean, it’s something before bombs fell that families and couples did. Watching fireworks and spending time together…it’s all very sentimental and romantic.” Arcade tries to recover, hoping the conversation gets back on track.

“Well, at least I got the romantic part down.” Six grabs onto one of Arcade’s hands, spending this moment connected physically and emotionally with his lover.

“You did, and the fireworks are a nice touch.” Arcade kisses Six this time, the sound of fireworks being drowned out by ED-E playing Auld Lang Syne in the background on cue.

#enclaveoilrig #gaydeliverydriverunion #arcade gannon #courier six #fallout #fallout new vegas #submission #fanfic #long post

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