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ellecdc · 19 days

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All's Fair in Love & Chaos (III)

third instalment (read the first and second)

a short blurb style mini-series in collaboration with @unstablereader no real plot, just vibes and comedy.

Synopsis: soulmate au, everyone's soulmate's initials become visible on their wrist when the last person in the bond 'comes of age' (I've left the age ambiguous because their may be mature insinuations later on in the story). As luck would have it, and much to everyone's horror; it appeared that you, Barty Crouch Junior, and Sirius Black were soulmates

poly!DeathStar x fem!reader

“Okay, but I don’t think you’re properly considering my perspective on this.” James offered calmly.

“Because your perspective is asinine and foolish.” Regulus spat back causing Remus and Peter to chuckle.

“Asinine and foolish… Regulus Arcturus Black, I’ve raised you better than this; quit speaking like such a ponce.” Sirius scolded, causing Regulus to glare at him.

“Your friend is the stupidest fucking wanker I’ve ever met in my life.” He corrected.

Sirius brought a hand to his chest and looked at his brother adoringly. “I’ve never been more proud.” He whispered as he wiped a fake tear from under his eye.

“I just think that two things that have eight legs ought to be closely related. I don’t think it’s outlandish to call an octopus a wet-spider.” James carried on level-headedly.

“Because they’re completely different phylums!” Regulus bellowed.

“Okay but they’re definitely the same shape.” Peter added solemnly.

“They are-” Regulus started, turning to look at Peter incredulously. “They are not the same shape! How are they the same shape?”

“Well, they’ve both got, like…their bodies? Right? And then they’ve got their legs just….all outward like. You know?” Peter explained, using his hands to represent said body and legs.

“Salazars saggy balls.” Regulus muttered under his breath as he stood from the library table and gathered his things. “Je n'arrive pas à croire que je m'entoure de parfaits abrutis. Âme sœur ou pas, je ne peux pas continuer à vivre ainsi.”

Regulus continued muttering furiously under his breath as he made for the door causing Remus to let out a long suffering sigh and gather his own things.

“Way to go, boys.” He sighed in faux admonishment. “You’ve put my soulmate in a bad mood.”

James muttered what sounded an awful lot like ‘well it’s not very hard now, is it?’ as Sirius quickly looked at his watch. “Oh shit! Is it four o’clock already?”

Remus opted to wait for Sirius as he carelessly shoved his untouched homework - that they had originally gone to the library to complete - before hurrying for the library door his brother had just exited.

“What’s happening at four o'clock?” Remus asked as he caught the door Sirius had just allowed to close unceremoniously on one of his oldest friends.

Both Sirius and Regulus grumbled - albeit for very different reasons - as Remus and Sirius stepped outside of the library where Regulus had been waiting for his boyfriend.

“Must you bring your brigade of buffoons with you everywhere?” Regulus hissed at Remus who simply tsked at him and pulled him into his side.

“Play nice, Reggie.” He murmured into Regulus’ hairline.

“Yeah; play nice Reggie.” Sirius mocked petulantly, earning him a swat up the back of the head from Remus.

“What’s happening at four o’clock?” Remus repeated as he professionally managed a potential level four sibling squabble between his best friend and his soulmate.

“I have to meet with Y/N and Junior.” Sirius explained solemnly.

“You have your soulmate bond organised by a timetable?” Remus asked as a joke, pausing in his chuckles when he realised Sirius was being quite….serious.

“It gets better.” Regulus added unhelpfully and unprompted as he followed Sirius and Remus (unwelcomely) to Sirius, Barty, and your meet-up spot. “They have to have supervised hand-offs.”

“Don’t call it a hand-off Regulus; she’s not some child in a divorce.” Sirius muttered petulantly.

“I agree, I rather think you and Junior are the children in this situation.” Regulus bit back with his nose in the air; Sirius wanted to break it.

He didn’t get the chance though, as Remus ushered the conversation along. “Why does it need to be supervised?”

“Because Junior kept trying to hex me when we’d meet up, and then when Y/N told him he couldn’t do that, he’d hide somewhere in the castle and I’d have to snag the map from your trunk to find them.”

“Who supervises these exchanges?” Remus carried on, but Sirius needn’t respond when they stepped into the courtyard where Barty, you, and Pandora were waiting near the fountain.

“Hello Sirius!” Pandora greeted brightly, causing Barty to scowl.

“No fair! He’s not supposed to bring back up! I would have brought Evan!”

“It’s not back up Barty.” You argued exhaustedly, looking particularly mortified at the attendance at today’s exchange.

“Hello, Junior.” Sirius bit out as politely as he could manage only to have the sod glare at him.

“Is there something you’d like to say, Bartemus?” Pandora asked serenely.

“Yes. Get fucked Black.” He spat.

“That was perhaps my fault.” Pandora conceded. “Barty, say hello to Sirius.”

“Hello…..Sirius.”

“Good job, Bartemus.” Pandora praised like he was a snotty little nursery school student. “Now say goodbye to Y/N.”

Sirius heaved a sigh as he crossed his arms and shot Remus a look before watching Barty turn to you and pepper kisses all over your face; you - Merlin love you - looked like you were working really hard to fight your fight-or-flight instincts.

“Now Treasure, if you get tired of him or need anything, just-”

“Barty, I’m fine.”

“I know you’re fine.” Barty conceded. “It’s him I’m worried about.”

“Barty.” You repeated; tone taking on a severity Sirius wasn’t accustomed to hearing from you. “It is Sirius, our soulmate…our soulmate. I will be fine, yeah?”

Properly chastised, Barty shot Sirius another glare before acquiescing and pressing one last kiss to your cheek before letting go of your wrists.

You nodded gratefully at Pandora for her service and shot Remus and Regulus a wary look as you made your way across the courtyard.

“Hello, gorgeous.” Sirius greeted you salaciously, causing you to flush impossibly further at the attention.

“Sirius, please.” You begged.

“What?” Sirius scoffed in faux offence. “He’s allowed to make a fuss over you and I’m not?”

You groaned and stomped your foot a little bit as you allowed Sirius to take your hand in his. “You’re supposed to be more reasonable.”

“Fine.” Sirius relented as he pressed a kiss to the back of your hand. “I can wait until we’re in the privacy of the dorm to fuss over you.”

You groaned in horror again when Remus laughed and Regulus grumbled at the thought of his brother fussing over anyone.

“I’m going to be attending poor Y/N’s funeral before I ever attend her soul-bond.” Remus joked as the four of you made your way back into the castle.

“Make sure it’s a nice funeral, yeah?” You asked him quietly.

Remus barked a surprised laugh at that. “Consider it done.”

“And then send the bill to Junior.” Sirius added quickly, earning him an elbow in the ribs.

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bunniesandsilk · 1 month

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we forget the sun was a star to regulus. regulus was a sun as well but just from a different perspective

all stars, all suns

burn up.

they return to nothing.

#jegulus #james loves regulus #james x regulus #regulus black #james potter

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saintsenara · 2 months

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I come to you with this question because, having read all your other metas, I think you'd be the right person to ask. Id love to know what you think about Regulus because I have a very hard time understanding his character. Partly because of fanon characterization of him makes him seem like some secret rebel against Voldemort and partly because I just can't really understand any of his motivations. But regardless, I think what we know about him in canon is so interesting - i just can piece it all together. I'd love to know what you think!

(Sorry for the longish ask)

thank you very much for the ask, @hauntingpercival! regulus is a character i also find a bit of a mystery, and so thinking through this answer was really fun.

i'll start by being clear that i'm certainly not a regulus fan. by which i not only mean that i don't vibe with the fanon!regulus of the marauders fandom, who is essentially an original character - and you can read my views on jegulus here... [spoiler alert: i do not back it] - but that when he appears in my own writing in ways i'd like to hope feel influenced by his canon form, i always find myself focusing on aspects of his character which are rather unlikeable.

there is a little bit of a discourse-y reason for this, which will be pertinent to the rest of this answer...

i really don't like the sort of "omg aristocracy is so hot and sexy and interesting" tropes which are so prevalent in writing around the black family. this is firstly because i don't think that aristocracy is in any way these things - and i find it distasteful to imply otherwise - which is because i'm a prole who lives somewhere still bearing the scars of british colonisation who also went to the sort of university where one sometimes encountered aristocrats and they were all cringe and unbearable.

but it's also because it's not - and i will genuinely die on this hill - an accurate reflection of how the blacks are presented in canon. not only does it take sirius' comment that his parents considered themselves "practically royal" to be a statement of fact [sirius is quite clearly taking the piss out of his parents' pretensions], but it also misses that the purpose sirius' discussion of orion and walburga's politics serves in the narrative of order of the phoenix is to show how mainstream their blood-supremacist views were.

sirius tells us that his parents were not death eaters, but that they nonetheless thought voldemort's overtly sectarian political aims were correct. in this, they hold the political views order of the phoenix emphasises belong to cornelius fudge - unimaginative, deferential to the class system, casually prejudiced, and so on. orion and walburga function as a way of showing us just how entrenched the death eaters' manifesto is, how close voldemort came to winning the first war, and what an uphill struggle the order faces to unravel the roots blood-supremacy has in the wizarding world.

[and they also show that the baffling vibes of grimmauld place - while these are made worse by it being three different gothic literature tropes in a trenchcoat - are wizarding norms, rather than evidence that the blacks were uniquely immersed in dark magic. the decor at grimmauld place - and the family's collection of dark artefacts - is the same as that found in malfoy manor, even at a time when lucius malfoy is considered eminently socially respectable. this is a point we will come back to...]

i think, then, that it's crucial to approach regulus not as a swaggering aristocrat, but as someone from an upper-class background which - while still posh, rich, inferring enormous social capital, well-connected - was unremarkable within the circles in which he moved.

by which i mean that hogwarts is based on real-world institutions - britain's elite boarding schools - which are so exclusive and expensive to attend that the student body are from a class-background which seems inhumanly exclusive, affluent, and powerful from an outsider perspective [i.e. from the perspective of someone from the majority middle- and working-classes] but which seems completely normal within the student body itself.

[i.e. nobody at eton with princes william and harry will have been astonished to have been at school with a royal, because they will have been familiar with their social circles, cultural experiences, level of wealth, and expectation of knowing someone with considerable social influence from childhood.]

while hogwarts appears to be a state-funded school [although it also expects an enormous amount of financial investment on the part of parents - such as buying all the textbooks], the fact that its real-world parallels are so elite [and, therefore, come with a specific "look" in the british cultural imagination] means that the student body is incredibly well-heeled and working-class students stand out enormously in a way very rich students do not. hogwarts also exists - like real-world elite schools and universities - as a way of propping up the status quo of the class system by which the wizarding world functions. its pupils have an expectation of procuring jobs in the civil service and other influential professions - using not only connections established at school but connections they possess through their [male] relatives. many hogwarts students we meet in canon are related to someone who occupies an elite position in the wizarding executive or is otherwise socio-politically influential.

at school, then, regulus would have been completely, perfectly average in terms of social position. i also like the idea of him as perfectly average in terms of intellect - and as a good, but not exceptional, seeker. this provides a really interesting point of contrast with sirius, who - while he's also not socially unusual in terms of class [and i will never vibe with tropes like him being followed by whispers going "omg, he's a black, that means he's important"] - stands out in that he's the first black in generations not to be in slytherin, that he's precociously intelligent, and that he - and the rest of the marauders - are class clowns and show-offs.

and i like the idea that this would give regulus a desire to stand out - to be considered the most important person in the whole school. we can get a hint of this in canon - the picture of sirius and his friends harry sees in deathly hallows is immediately contrasted with a picture of regulus sitting in the seeker's position in the team photo. the seeker who acts alone.

and i think this desire for notoriety is what drives him to sign up to become a death eater - that he decides he's sick of having parents with the perfectly normal level of social influence and a brother who is more popular than him, and that he thinks that he's cleverer and more worthy of attention than everyone else in the castle and the world better start showing it.

[and i've never bought - i'm afraid - the idea that he and sirius are close. it's clear from canon that regulus had no issue being thought of as "a much better son" than sirius, and that he colluded with his parents against him. sirius can love him - and miss him, and regret how they were never able to repair their relationship - but i don't think this means that he feels he's lost a bestie.]

that he holds sincere blood-supremacist views is a given - because within the world in which he lives, these are completely normal and held completely casually [i.e. that slughorn is shocked lily could be muggleborn because she's clever]. the more virulent expression of these views - saying "mudblood", etc. - is clearly considered ill-mannered, but not something which might have any real impact on one's social standing [draco malfoy uses the term with impunity while at school, and nobody ever considers that informing a teacher of this would result in him being punished; equally, nobody from the crowd who witness the event reports snape for calling lily a mudblood].

and so i think it's clear that he becomes interested in joining the death eaters - and starts putting together his terrorism pinterest board - because his mainstream belief that being pureblood is better crashes into his desire to be special to form a conviction that riding the coattails of voldemort's ostentatious malevolence is the way he can become famous.

[in this, he is very like snape.]

my assumption is that regulus is one academic year below sirius, meaning that he was born in 1960-1961. my assumption is also that he receives his dark mark while still at school - probably at some point in his newt years [so the academic years 1977-1978 and 1978-1979].

the standard view - expressed vehemently by various order members in half-blood prince - is that voldemort has no interest in death eaters who are still at school.

the order is wrong about this, obviously - not only when it comes to their refusal to accept that harry's right about draco malfoy being marked, but also in the fact that several of the death eaters who are very young at the end of the first war, barty crouch jr. [who is still young enough to be described as a "boy" in 1982 at the earliest], chief among them, must have been taken on by voldemort prior to graduating.

but it seems fair to say that admitting teenagers into his inner circle is unusual for voldemort, especially when those teenagers don't really offer him anything useful. crouch, for example, could be put to work informing on his father's movements. regulus is - as i've said - just ordinary.

and so my view has always been that regulus is marked by voldemort as a favour to bellatrix. i think this partially because i'm bellamort trash, partially because i think it's a nice narrative parallel between regulus and draco [who are very similar] to have bellatrix be responsible for regulus' recruitment when she's canonically vociferously in favour of draco's, and partially because realising that voldemort thinks of him as just some guy who warrants [essentially] a pity dark mark would be a big blow to regulus' conviction that joining the death eaters would make him impressive.

[i also think regulus is recruited before 1978 because i think there has to be a shift in voldemort's modus operandi at about this point, in order for the fact that sirius says that his parents got cold feet about what the dark lord was prepared to do after regulus became a death eater to make sense. my view has always been that voldemort's violence prior to c.1978 overwhelmingly targets state institutions and people connected to them and/or people with known anti-voldemort political views, meaning that ordinary citizens can regard these people being killed or injured as reasonable risks of their jobs and/or behaviour. and then that after c.1978, the dark lord begins targeting civilians - including upper-class pureblood civilians - indiscriminately, which makes his casual supporters start to waver a bit.]

so, let's suppose that regulus leaves hogwarts in june 1979 and finds himself expected to participate as a full death eater, after having been let off all the dirty work by virtue of being at school...

as i've said, regulus has an enormous number of narrative parallels with draco malfoy. and i think that the best way to think about him is to write him as sharing draco's canonical attitude to voldemort's cause - that he believes whole-heartedly in the message of blood-supremacy the dark lord promotes and that he has no problem with people he considers subhuman [mudbloods and blood-traitors] or unimportant [faceless families massacred in their own homes] being subjected to violence in the name of that message, but that he lacks the character traits necessary to perform that violence himself, to see it done to people he likes, or to witness what it actually involves versus the image he has of it in his head.

and so i imagine he starts struggling pretty quickly with the fact that being a death eater isn't quite as easy as he thought it would be when he was making voldemort fancams on tiktok. and that part of the reason he's primed to turn against the dark lord is because of the tension he feels warring within him at the fact that he's still a blood-supremacist, still desperate to be important, and yet growing disenchanted.

i don't however, think this is why he does what he does... so let's get into that:

why does regulus turn against voldemort?

let's be clear about one thing - regulus turning against voldemort has nothing to do with him having some sort of damascene conversion against blood-supremacy.

[or, at least, that's what i think.]

the outline of regulus' defection that we get in canon goes as follows:

voldemort asks someone to lend him a house elf. we know that regulus volunteers kreacher, because he told kreacher so - and so i imagine voldemort mentions at a meeting that he wants to procure an elf [although, of course, he doesn't elaborate on why] and regulus immediately jumps up and says "pick me, my lord" because he sees this as an opportunity to get voldemort to finally notice him.

his assumption must be that voldemort will use kreacher for a purpose which is considered normal in wizarding society - i.e. that he will require him to do something akin to domestic service, perhaps preparing potions ingredients.

it evidently does not occur to him that voldemort would transgress this social boundary and harm kreacher. not - to be clear - because i think that regulus was some kind of abolitionist legend, but because we see several characters express the view in goblet of fire that how barty crouch sr. treats winky is his own business, and that it is impolite for respectable wizards to comment on how anyone else treats his slave. this sort of social behaviour will have a second part - that it is impolite for respectable wizards to treat anyone else's slave in a way which goes beyond what wizarding slaveowners see as normal.

or: that it's fine to be lent a slave to serve you, but very much not fine to nearly kill that slave [someone else's property!] for your own gain.

kreacher informs regulus what voldemort asked of him, which makes regulus suspicious about what the object voldemort deposited in the cave was. regulus then decides to investigate.

kreacher tells us that regulus goes away for an indeterminate period of time and then returns to grimmauld place "disturbed in his mind".

dumbledore claims in half-blood prince that voldemort appears not to wear or display the objects the horcruxes are made from after he turns them into horcruxes. i think we can agree with this or not without it affecting the story - i quite like the idea that voldemort doesn't make the locket until the later 1970s [maybe after the murder of dorcas meadowes, the only person in the first war other than james and lily to have canonically been killed by him personally], but we can also say that he might have worn or displayed it when it was already a horcrux. certainly, regulus must have seen the locket - either on voldemort or somewhere in his lair - and, after kreacher tells him what happened, he goes to see if it's still there.

when he discovers it isn't, he comes to an important conclusion. one which requires a little detour...

how does regulus know what a horcrux is?

i complained at the start of this answer about the black family being portrayed as unusually immersed in the dark arts - rather than some sort of familiarity with the dark arts being perfectly normal for people of their social class.

and i am sure that you might think I'm about to have to eat my words, since i'm not going to try and deny that regulus was able to identify a horcrux all by himself...

but, actually, i'm just chucking malevolently at the opportunity to clamber onto my soapbox and say:

horcruxes are canonically not magic which only a handful of people know about. where voldemort goes beyond the theory of horcruxes which a wizard of regulus' class-background would be familiar with is that he makes seven.

this doesn't mean - to be clear - that i think it was ever common to make a horcrux [i don't think the wizarding world is quite that lawless...], but that it was reasonable to know they exist, in the way that we might have some general understanding of something macabre - like techniques for disposing of a body - which would enable us to suspect if we saw a neighbour behaving strangely while doing one of those things...

after all, slughorn can suggest [even if he doesn't believe this is what he wants to do] that voldemort could justify his interest in horcruxes by using the excuse that he's working on a project for defence against the dark arts.

that harry, ron, and hermione don't know about them is a result of a combination of their own lack of interest in the theory of the dark arts, the information blackout instituted by dumbledore at some point after voldemort graduates [and my theory as to why dumbledore hates horcruxes even in the forties? grindelwald made one - hence why dumbledore is so hopeful at king's cross that the rumours of his repentance might have been true...], and the fact that they don't discuss their mission with anyone [tonks, kingsley, and moody, who literally have to specialise in dark objects as part of their jobs, would one hundo have known what a horcrux was].

[what they would not have known is what voldemort's horcruxes were likely to be made of and where they were likely to be. it's this - rather than the idea that horcruxes are completely unknowable magic - that is why it has to be harry in charge of hunting them down: he's the only person in the series who knows voldemort well enough to realise that, for example, he'd have hidden one in gringotts because of his jealousy at being excluded from this pillar of wizarding normality.]

so, regulus has a little rummage, works out the locket has disappeared, and has no trouble - especially because voldemort mentions in goblet of fire that he'd told his death eaters he couldn't die [which regulus might not have thought was him speaking literally] prior to 1981 - guessing what it's being used for.

and so, regulus turns against voldemort.

and i think that he does this because the horcrux makes it impossible for him to pretend any longer that voldemort's aims are - when the ministry is forced to the negotiating table by his paramilitary activities - an oligarchy in which upper-class pureblood families benefit and muggleborns and blood-traitors become second-class citizens, but which doesn't deviate too much in terms of its overwhelming norms from the way wizarding society functioned at that time. instead, he is confronted with the undeniable fact that voldemort intends to reign forever as an immortal absolute monarch, and that he has never had any intention of elevating regulus and people like him to the positions of importance he so craved.

[we see something similar happen to draco, whose increasing fear of voldemort throughout half-blood prince and deathly hallows is clearly driven by him realising that voldemort isn't joking when he says that he'll kill him and his parents unless he obeys orders, but is joking when he says he'll be considered a valuable servant should he manage to kill dumbledore...]

and so his death - and his threat to destroy the horcrux - is a repudiation of his beliefs. but, specifically, it is a repudiation of his conviction that voldemort was a primarily political figure who would act as a champion of the pureblood class-system. it's him recognising that voldemort would not stop with a takeover of the ministry - he would kill and kill forever, concerned only with how much further he could venture beyond the norms of magic.

#asks answered #asenora meta #regulus black

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guiltypleasureswriting · 2 months

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Day 13: Written Mar 30, 2024

Part 7

CW: Outside perspective of anxiety attack/meltdown. Not detailed at all.

“I’m okay Harry. Thank you for worrying but I just had a bit of a slip.” Regulus soothed - or at least tried to. He sat up fully and gave himself a chance to take Harry in with his recent revelation.

He saw James in the boy’s deep bronze skin and his mess of hair. He saw James in his lopsided smile and sunny personality. Harry was an exact copy of James, except for the emerald green eyes that were clearly inherited from Lily Evans. It seemed James truly did love Evans. Regulus’ heart clenched.

“Harry,” Regulus said with an edge of urgency. “This is extremely important. You have to tell me who you live with. Is it your Uncle Pad?” Harry shook his head.

“Uncle Moon said Uncle Pad got… acoozed of something he didn’t do, so bad people took him away.” He said sadly. “But Uncle Moon said he’s gonna get Uncle Pad back soon and then I can live with them.”

So Sirius was still with Lupin. But Sirius accused? Of what? Was he in Azkaban? What could his perfect brother ever have done to land himself in Azkaban?

“So if you can’t live with Si- Uncle Pad, does that mean you live with Uncle Moon?” Harry’s little body was shaking and he started rocking back and forth. The boy sniffed messily and wiped his runny nose on Regulus’ shirt sleeve.

“N-no.” He was shaking his head frantically. “Uncl' Moon says he can’ take care of me.” Harry started crying in earnest. Regulus felt terrible, but he /needed/ this information. But he couldn’t resist pulling the boy into his lap and cradling his face to his chest. “So-so Dubledoor took me to Uncl' Vernon and Aunt Tunie’s house. Aunt Tunie is Mummy’s sister but she hates me.” Harry let out a sob and couldn’t talk more. Reg hugged him close.

“Okay, okay. I understand. You don’t have to say anymore now.”

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sofoulandfairaday · 10 months

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Actually very curious to hear your thoughts and head canons on Sirius + Walburga + Orion

Under the cut, because it's very long. But I'd love it if you read it all. I hope it succeeds in being eloquent, it's hard to put my thoughts into coherent writing for such a sensitive topic.

I don't think that the majority of this fandom actually understands the subtleties of abuse. Also, too many people weirdly like the idea of abused characters, and emphasize their torments, especially physical ones, as a way of... I don't know, evoking more sympathy for them? This happens all the time with Sirius Black.

@ sofoulandfairaday, was Sirius Black abused in your opinion?

Yes.

But not in the way people think.

I am fascinated with stories that explore generational trauma, the cycles of abuse that get repeated over and over. I think Sirius was abused in the way the Roy kids in Succession are abused, in the way that the people in The Crown are abused. It's not that the people in themselves are abusive it's that the family system is.

This doesn't excuse individual adult responsibility because, at a certain point, it becomes your duty not to pass on your traumas to your children. But traumatized adults raising traumatized children is something much more realistic, to me, than “The Blacks liked torturing their children for fun” (wtf?).

The Blacks were an upper-class family in the 1950s. To put this in perspective, my parents both got physically reprimanded as children (1970s), and my grandparents did too (1950s-1940s). It was just the way things were. It wouldn't have been seen as weird if they had been hit, at the time. Do you know when corporal punishment was abolished in UK schools? 1986. And people say Snape was abusive to his students. Bro, 1986. The world has changed a lot in the last 20/30 years but it's a little unfair, in my opinion, to judge their times entirely through our lenses.

And even in light of this... I don't think the Blacks were that physically violent. Maybe Orion clipped his sons behind the ear when they really misbehaved, or threatened physical punishment, but they most likely never truly hurt their kids. I also don't think they raised their hands like filthy Muggles, so maybe... Stinging Hexes? Going to bed without supper? They definitely did not use the fucking Cruciatus curse on their children. The torture curse. The one that scrambles people's brains if used for too long. Sometimes I think that authors don't put thought behind what they write, or exaggerate for the shock value, which... doesn't really sit right with me, to say the least. I don't really care for character bashing of any character. I don't care for painting Walburga & Orion as Disney villains who hurt their children because... they? like? hurting children?

With this being said, I'm pretty sure they were emotionally abusive, maybe psychologically abusive. Tons of families are like that, even nowadays.

Master always liked his little joke,” said Kreacher, bowing again, and continuing in an undertone, “Master was a nasty ungrateful swine who broke his mother’s heart — ” “My mother didn’t have a heart, Kreacher,” Sirius snapped. “She kept herself alive out of pure spite.” Kreacher bowed again and said, “Whatever Master says,” then muttered furiously, “Master is not fit to wipe slime from his mother’s boots, oh my poor Mistress, what would she say if she saw Kreacher serving him, how she hated him, what a disappointment he was — ”

According to Kreacher, Sirius broke his mother's heart when he left. That might have been a dramatic choice of words (Sirius definitely thinks it is because he replies in kind) but perhaps it wasn't.

The problem with the Blacks' love for their children isn't that it wasn't there, it's that it seems very conditional. I fully believe that for a time, when he was a kid, Sirius was a little prince, a perfect pureblood heir. Given his temperament, he might have been the bad child, always in detention compared to Regulus, who was probably quieter, more shy, more poised. Except. Despite all of this or maybe because of all of this, he was probably the more respected out of the two: more handsome, more charismatic, more outspoken, stronger, quicker. Someone like Bellatrix (and Walburga too, I think) must have respected him much more than his brother, even though they probably said the opposite out loud. Sure, they liked Regulus more, but everyone knew he wasn't the brightest out of the two stars. I think the Blacks respected and praised strength.

Want proof of this? Sirius himself calls Regulus soft and an idiot. How many times do you think he heard that sentence as a child?

For these reasons, it's always been my headcanon that the two brothers grew up resenting each other subtly: Sirius probably envied that his brother was their mama's favourite, the one who was shown more affection, despite being not as bright as him, not as good. But children are petty and have very strong senses of pride. In stressful environments they latch onto the identities they create for themselves: if Sirius painted himself, in the family dynamics, as the strong one, the one who doesn't care, the one who rejects even his parents' rare moments of affection, he will most likely never be the one to go to them to beg for their love, or kisses or whatever. On the other hand, Regulus was probably babied by their parents, but never truly treated like the heir, like the competent, brilliant one. His mother might have been more tender with him and yelled at him less, but children are perceptive.

Also, Grimmauld Place has all the characteristics of the Haunted Hause trope, horror film style (which I cannot get into here lest this becomes a dissertation), but generational trauma likely permeates those walls. Merely being back in the house is enough to trigger Sirius' depression.

Sirius is my pride, but Regulus is my joy sort of dynamic for the Blacks and their parents, me thinks.

They love each other but are also constantly pitted against each other. They fight for their parents' love. They think the other had it easier.

Then, Sirius is sorted into Gryffindor. Now, he's already fighting back against his parents now (he's almost 12, the perfect age), but it's always been a little headcanon of mine that Sirius doesn't know how much this will damage him until it happens. We see, again and again and again, in-universe, how much stress the Sorting put kids through - what if I'm not in this house my parents were sorted into? From the way he appears in Snape's memories on the Hogwarts Express, I think Sirius must have thought it hilarious if he was sorted into Gryffindor, the first Black ever to be one. Truly a most rebellious act. This lasted about... seven seconds?

The next day, Walburga sends a Howler and she's the most displeased Sirius has ever heard her, this is not a joke, Sirius, how dare you? You are such a disappointment etc.

Disappointment. The family disappointment.

This becomes Sirius' new persona. The more he leans into it, the more his mother doubles down. Headcanon n°2: they have the same personality, Walburga and Sirius; Regulus takes after Orion.

Golden-child/scapegoat dynamic ensues, worse than ever. This is the abuse I was referring to: no matter how brilliant, how high his grades, how good Sirius is, it'll never be enough. He's the foil to Regulus - less good in school, less brilliant, less popular, less... So. He fraternizes with Mudbloods and werewolves and dissenters of our Lord and Saviour Voldemort, which is a disgrace. He comes back from his first year saying Muggleborn instead of Mudblood, puts up semi-naked Muggle girl posters in his room with a permanent sticking charm - every time Walburga is in there her stomach flips in disgust. He buys himself a Muggle motorbike.

He can never bring himself to tell his parents that he wants their love and approval and they think he wants everything but. Not just that, they think he's actively trying to drive them to an early grave with all of that rebelling.

This, by the way, puts an enormous amount of stress on Regulus. Now he has to step up, wants to step up, to prove himself as finally better, but also he doesn't want to lose his older brother, but also he can never live up to the comparison, but also why do his parents love him now that Sirius is gone, why couldn't they love him better, sooner? This breeds resentment. Desperate to prove himself, he joins the Death Eaters (whose ideas he fully embraced anyway, let's not forget that Reggie was a racist little arse).

Why did Sirius run away?

This fandom makes the MISTAKE of thinking that Sirius ran away because his parents were evil and mean. No. Nu-uh. That's not what happened.

“But… why did you…?” “Leave?” Sirius smiled bitterly and ran his fingers through his long, unkempt hair. “Because I hated the whole lot of them: my parents, with their pure-blood mania, convinced that to be a Black made you practically royal… my idiot brother, soft enough to believe them… that’s him.” Sirius jabbed a finger at the very bottom of the tree, at the name Regulus Black. A date of death (some fifteen years previously) followed the date of birth. “He was younger than me,” said Sirius, “and a much better son, as I was constantly reminded.”

Sirius hated his parents and his brother, but he doesn't offer any indication that they were physically violent towards him - sure, they sound like dicks and they definitely created a situation of emotional abuse (why can't you be more like your brother?), which is still very scarring for a child/teenager, but no indication that they ever brutalized him.

I'm not saying this to argue that emotional or psychological abuse (lying, gaslighting, justifying treating your children horribly with oh, but I'm doing it for your own good, etc.) is less damaging than physical abuse. But I think that half the fandom just writes in a few rounds of Cruciatus to get out of writing the hard stuff - the complexities, subtleties, two-way pain of dysfunctional households.

When Sirius ran away from home, Orion and Walburga blasted him off the family tree. That means that he couldn't come back even if he tried to. He had no family any longer. Running away from home is something that a teenager in Sirius' situation and with his personality might conceivably do - and I'm sure it did hurt his family. But his betrayal was followed by their own betrayal.

Also, I want to contrast this with BELLATRIX and the way she speaks of Andromeda (because we all know that she's actually referring to Andromeda in that first quote):

“Cissy, your own sister? You wouldn’t — ” (HBP) “She is no niece of ours, my Lord,” she cried over the outpouring of mirth. “We — Narcissa and I — have never set eyes on our sister since she married the Mudblood. This brat has nothing to do with either of us, nor any beast she marries.” (DH)

and Walburga:

“- comes back from Azkaban ordering Kreacher around, oh, my poor mistress, what would she say if she saw the house now, scum living in it, her treasures thrown out, she swore he was no son of hers and he’s back, they say he’s a murderer too -”

Bella, even after 25 years, still calls Andromeda her sister. Sure, Ted and Dora can rot - nay, she wants to actively kill them -, but Andy is her sister. Walburga declares that Sirius is no son of hers. She cut ties with him just as much as he cut ties with them. He lived with the Potters until Alphard died and miraculously left him gold; he didn't have a Galleon to his name otherwise. This is incredibly hurtful for a child. He was sixteen.

So. Anyways. This is getting rambly, but I hope I got my point across.

As for pure headcanons, that have no actual basis in the text:

All the Blacks are hot, but Orion & Burgie were not the hottest of them. That title goes to Alphard & Lucretia and then Sirius & Bellatrix in the next generation.

Orion is like Regulus in nature, and Walburga is like Sirius. Ice and Fire. On the other hand, physically, Sirius looks like his dad and Reggie looks like his mum. (Which is not to say much because they are second cousins, and the Black genes are strong lol)

(By the way, they are second cousins guys, not first cousins, not brother and sister!)

Orion wears exclusively shades of black and grey.

He's a quiet man, likes to read, despises noise.

A heavy drinker since he was young, it became a coping mechanism after Sirius' turbulent teenage years, almost drank himself to death when Regulus died. That's not what got him in the end, but it could have very well been.

Walburga always had a temper on her, could scream like a banshee, but she wasn't insane until one son abandoned her for the lowliest of scum and she lost her youngest boy and her husband in the span of six? three? months.

Austere. I can imagine her with her hair pinned up, high necklines... always very proper, with a severe type of beauty. I really like that aesthetic for her.

Crack: Definitely involved in the infamous Love Triangle of '43 when Tom Riddle tried to ask her out (to get access to the Black Family library's Dark Arts books) and she rejected him (not my headcanon btw, I remember reading it on here but I can't remember who came up with it rn - if anyone knows, I'll give credit!). Guess who was smitten with him? Alphard. Chaos of the kind you're thinking ensues.

Theirs was a semi-arranged marriage (there were wink-wink, nudge-nudges from other members of the family and the two of them decided it would be advantageous). I don't think they loved each other but they had a good partnership, gave the House of Black two heirs. (lol, see how that turned out)

Walburga had pregnancy issues, which I headcanon for every single woman of the House of Black, except the only one who was-maybe-sorta-kinda relying on them: Andromeda.

That's all, folks!

(I think.)

#sirius black #regulus black #walburga black #orion black #the noble and most ancient house of black #hp meta #hp headcanons #asks #answered

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itsjaywalkers · 2 months

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omg laurie!! prompt game!!!!!! can i get 93: “I tried, but I just can’t stay away from you anymore" ? pretty plssss ily

hi dil my darling <333 and of course you can!! anything for u and ur delicious brain!! i kinda went overboard with this one too, and it's . very messy bc i wrote half of it drunk but . i hope u enjoy it anyway <3

93. "I tried, but I just can't stay away from you anymore."

Regulus splashes some water on his face, careful not to ruin the very light makeup Pandora put on him. It’s barely noticeable, really, but he thinks it looks nice, taking some of his paleness away and making him look more alive. Almost like he’s glowing.

He didn’t like it much, at first. Pandora had been true to her word and hadn’t done anything too drastic, but Regulus could still tell the difference. His face wasn’t his face, and he hadn't been able to look his reflection in the eye for more than a handful of seconds.

After a few drinks, though, his perspective has shifted a little. He had caught sight of his face on the glass doors that give way to Sirius’ balcony about an hour ago, and his first thought had been ‘pretty’. It might have been the alcohol talking, or the fact that the room had begun to spin slightly.

Regulus refused to believe that it had something to do with the heavy gaze he could feel from the other side of the room. The eyes following every single one of his movements with such intensity it had felt like a touch.

He closes his eyes tight. No, he isn’t gonna go down that path. Regulus has learnt his lesson, and it had brought him nothing before. Except shame, except disappointment.

Heartbreak.

He’s done with that shit. Regulus has come to the party to see his brother, now that they’re trying to spend more time together, and to have fun with his friends. There’s this one really sweet guy at work who he’s been talking to more than usual and agreed to hang out with, and he’s recently moved to a flat all on his own. It’s small, but cute, and more than enough for him. And more importantly, it’s his.

Things are finally looking up, and there’s no place for warm brown skin and dimpled smiles. Not unless it’s from afar, a safe and respectable distance that doesn’t put any ridiculous ideas in Regulus’ brain. Hope has never done him any favours, and he’s had enough of—

A knock on the door pulls him out of his daze and makes him jump a little.

Regulus blinks at his reflection, eyes sliding to the door he can see right behind him. His mouth parts in a tiny sigh.

“Just a moment,” he exclaims, drying his hands as fast as possible.

There’s a pause.

And then.

“Regulus.”

He freezes up on the spot, hands still holding the towel and shoulders going stiff. Regulus can hear his own heart rumbling inside his mind, the breath he was about to take completely stuck in his throat.

There’s no way. He must have heard wrong. He must have mistaken the voice, even though it’s one he's sure he knows like the palm of his hand.

It’s probably his brother, who’s worried about how long he’s been gone. Or Pandora. Maybe even Barty, trying to get him to dance once again, or simply looking for some company, if he and Evan have gotten into a fight. Again.

“Regulus, c’mon,” the voice speaks up again, sounding even clearer now. “I know you’re in there. Can you open up, please?”

A wave of nausea assaults his body, and Regulus grips the sink, not knowing if the sudden sickness is due to an excess of alcohol or to the person insistently knocking on the door.

There's no way. There's no way.

He glances at his reflection once again, not surprised to find a look of absolute horror twisting his face.

"Regulus, please."

Fuck. This might be his worst nightmare.

He takes a deep breath and finally pushes away from the mirror, taking step after step towards the door. Surprisingly, he barely hesitates, only stopping for a couple of seconds before he grabs the handle and opens wide, schooling his expression into something he hopes looks neutral. Indifferent.

James Potter stands in front of him in all his glory. He's wearing a short-sleeved shirt with the tackiest print Regulus has ever seen in his life, but the fact that it's unbuttoned to almost his navel distracts from this fact, and forces people to focus on hard muscle and brown skin. His baggy jeans wrap around his thighs in a way that should be illegal, and his shoes, despite being old and battered, manage to look charming.

He can't even turn his nose up at them. After so many years, Regulus is nearly as attached to James' red converse as the other man must be.

"Sorry, I was just leaving," Regulus begins, stuttering a little over his words. "You can—"

James is pushing in and closing the door behind him before Regulus has the chance to finish. There's the tell-tale click of the lock, and he gulps, taking a nervous step back as his eyes search James' face. He's unable to read the other boy, too many emotions flunctuating in his expression, but that doesn't stop him from trying.

"What are you—?" Regulus attempts to ask, after a beat of silence, the quiet feeling heavy and suffocating.

"I'm sorry, I just—" James cuts him off, a bit breathless. "I saw you get in here, and I couldn't help myself. I wanted—I needed to talk to you."

Regulus squirms, retreating even further, until the small of his back touches the sink and he leans into it.

"Okay," he mumbles, feigning an indifference he's never felt around James. "What is it?"

James' jaw clenches and unclenches so many times Regulus loses count after the fifth.

"It's just—I'm not—" the other man tries, leaving sentence after sentence hanging. He pauses, pinches the bridge of his nose, exhales softly. "You look good."

Now, this definitely isn't how Regulus expected the conversation to go.

"What?" he wheezes out, happy that the sink is sturdy enough to support his weight. He's sure he'd be on the floor otherwise.

The corners of James' mouth twitch, and Regulus gulps. There's still a certain air of restlessness in the line of his shoulders, but his features seem to have relaxed considerably, after noticing Regulus' flustered state.

Arrogant prick.

"You look good," James repeats, less tentative. "Really good, in fact. I don't think I've ever seen that shirt before. Is it Sirius'?"

"Dorcas'," Regulus corrects absentmindedly, pinching his hip distractedly, certain that he must be hallucinating.

James rarely gives him the time of day, unless he's hanging out with Sirius. This might be the longest they've spoken in all month.

Seriously, what the actual fuck is happening right now?

"Ah." James nods, taking another step forward and reaching out. Regulus tries to retreat, again, but there's nowhere to go, so he ends up attempting to merge into the sink. It does nothing, though, and James is tugging at the hem of the mesh top a second later. "I'll have to thank her, then. It really suits you."

"James, what do you want?"

The other man tilts his head, fingers still caressing the garment, eyes flicking up and down Regulus' torso and making him repress a shudder. He must not do a good job, however, because James' face is splitted into a grin when he raises his head and their gazes meet.

"Are you—" James starts, blinking furiously. They're so close, Regulus catches the exact moment his pupils dillate. "Is that makeup?"

Regulus flushes a vibrant red and looks away, fingers digging painfully into the marble of the sink.

"A little," he admits, hating how small he sounds. "Dora convinced me to put some before we left."

"Fuck," James murmurs, a bit awed. "It's so pretty. You're so—"

"James," Regulus interrupts him harshly. It's one thing to hear a compliment about his clothes, or the soft eyeshadow Pandora put on him, and another to hear James—Yeah, no. He wouldn't be able to take it. "Seriously, what do you want?"

The other man finally lets go of the top and leans impossibly nearer, caging Regulus in between his arms. James' hands rest so close to Regulus' on the sink he can feel their warmth.

"Have you heard of personal space?" Regulus asks, tone too high-pitched for his tastes. He has his eyes fixed on the closed door, heart rattling against his ribcage.

Surprisingly, James mumbles an apology and leans back slightly. He's still absurdidly close, but Regulus can breathe better now.

There's a beat of silence. Regulus thinks he's about to jump out of his skin.

"You said you wanted to talk," he reminds the other man, shifting under the scrutiny. "So, talk."

"I know, I just—I'm not sure about where to start, or how to explain this, I—" James huffs loudly, wrinkles appearing on his forehead. "I shouldn't even be here in the first place, but I—I couldn't help myself. I've been behaving, I swear I have, but you—you look so fucking gorgeous, and you kept laughing with Crouch, and I—"

Regulus raises a hand, halting James' rambling, the dizziness so strong he's about ready to keel over.

"Wait," he gasps, chest heaving. "Wait. I don't understand. What is—What are you saying right now?"

James smiles, fond, and he chuckles softly. "I think you know."

"No." Regulus shakes his head slowly, not sure if he wants to laugh, or cry, or even scream. "You can't—no. You don't know what you're doing right now. You're probably drunk—"

"I've only had a couple of beers."

"Then I'm drunk."

James laughs openly at this, loud and unrestrained, and Regulus bites down on his lower lip to keep himself from beaming at the other man.

"C'mon, I've been watching you nurse the same drink for the last couple of hours. And I wouldn't have approached you otherwise, I'm not that kind of—" James trails off, and when the silence extends for a few seconds too long, Regulus dares to take a little peek.

What he sees almost kills him.

James' gaze is zeroed on Regulus' mouth, pupils so wide you can barely notice the iris. His own lips are slightly parted, and the air seems to be caught in his throat.

Regulus swallows harshly.

"James," he whispers. He thinks it might be a plead.

The other man exhales shakily, but he doesn't snap out of the trance he seems to have fallen in. Not completely.

"Such a terrible habit," James murmurs, almost to himself. "You do it all the damn time, did you know? When you're nervous, when you're thinking hard. When you don't want to let others see you smile. I wish you'd stop. I wish you'd stop, because I'm not supposed to—"

James doesn't even bother finishing talking. One of his hands leaves the sink and hovers a few centimetres away from Regulus' cheek, as if waiting for permission. A shiver runs down his spine, but Regulus doesn't say anything, eyes running away from the other man's and body completely still.

After a moment, James' hand settles on the side of his jaw.

He's warm, he's so fucking warm, and Regulus represses a very embarrassing noise at the last moment, the sound already in the tip of his tongue. He isn't quick enough, however, to stop himself from leaning against the contact.

"You're bound to end up drawing blood at this rate," James continues, sounding a bit odd, like he's out of it. "You ought to be more careful."

Regulus has so many questions. James has never glanced his way twice, least of all in this way. The way that used to be reserved for Lily Evans during the first few years of school, the way that it's now usually directed at whatever person James fancies at the moment, or at whatever stranger he's trying to get in his bed.

James isn't interested in Regulus. Never has been, and with Regulus' luck, never will be. He's just Sirius' little brother. Or at least, that's all he's always been to James.

The other man used to tease him sometimes, about his very obvious childhood crush. It made Regulus blush, both in anger and shame, and yell insult after insult at James' smirking face.

But then Regulus grew up, he made his own friends and stopped spending so much time with his older brother and his mates. He learnt how to hide his crush a lot better, promised Sirius he had gotten over it, and moved on with his life. It had helped, that James had begun to keep his distance, and that he seemed to find Regulus so fucking irrelevant they barely exchanged a couple of cordial words whenever they saw each other.

He has no idea of what's changed. Why James has suddenly decided he wants Regulus now.

Because he wants Regulus. There's no mistaking that hunger in his eyes. That need.

He's sure it's reflected in his own expression.

Regulus opens his mouth slightly, unsure of what he wants to say, of which of his dozens of questions he'd like to ask, when James' thumb slides over his lower lip.

He can't stop himself this time. Regulus lets out a quiet whimper, and James smiles lazily at him, still transfixed with Regulus' mouth. He follows the shape of his lip slowly and with care, the touch feather-light but very much there.

What he does next, Regulus can only blame on the alcohol, on the haze he can feel clouding his mind. He parts his mouth wider and tilts his head forward, until James' thumb slips inside and he can trap it between his teeth.

James hums, pressing even deeper, until the pad of his thumb is rubbing against Regulus' tongue, the message clear. Any remnants of sanity fly out the window after that, and Regulus doesn't even doubt for a single second before he's sucking the finger into his mouth.

He laps at the skin, teases at it with the edge of his teeth, and even hollows his cheeks slightly as he bobs his head, putting on a goddamn show for James. James, who sways forwards, as if possessed, until his mouth is nearly pressed to the back of his slick thumb, practically breathing into Regulus' lips.

James glues their bodies together, and Regulus moans softly at the feeling of the other man's half-hard cock pressing against his stomach.

"Fuck," James pants, eye fluttering shut momentarily. "Fuck. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I promised I wouldn't but—shit, I tried, but I just can't stay away from you anymore."

Regulus makes an inquisitive noise, not understanding what James is saying, what he's referring to, too lost on the weight on his mouth and the taste of James' skin on his tongue. But the other man simply shakes his head, pressing a heated kiss on his jaw, and suddenly there isn't any confusion inside Regulus' mind, just a pleasing and calming static.

"Fuck, Reg, baby, can I—can I just—" James wonders aloud, in a rush, breathing gone all wrong and erratic.

Regulus is nodding before his brain even has the chance to send the order, rubbing his own erection against James' and eliciting a pained groan.

A moment later, James is taking the thumb out of his greedy mouth and exchanging it for his tongue, licking behind Regulus' teeth like a man starved.

Regulus can't do anything else but take it, tangling their tongues together and allowing James to explore, to fucking devour him in what is more an attempt at consumption than an actual kiss.

They move against each other, unable to find a proper rhythm on their desperation, open mouths taking taking taking. Regulus buries his hands on messy strands and pulls, and James takes a hold of his ass, groping and kneading and dragging more obscene noises out of him. He pushes and urges him and—

"James, babe? You okay in there?"

The other man doesn't stop, he doesn't even falter; in fact, Regulus isn't even sure he heard it.

Regulus, though. He stiffens. He goes completely rigid, because he knows that voice. He knows the girl it belongs to.

It takes James a little to catch up, to realise Regulus isn't reciprocating anymore, but when he does, he pulls away, a frown twisting his features and gentle hands prodding at Regulus. He's so careful, even now, but what had made Regulus melt before, now only manages to make him sick.

"What's wrong?" James questions softly, and oh, the audacity is almost enough to make him laugh.

"I'm afraid you're needed elsewhere," Regulus tells him, somehow being able to sound even, instead of wrecked.

James looks confused for a painful moment, and then it seems to dawn on him. He has the decency to look guilty, at least.

"Listen, Reg, I—"

"You told me, weeks ago, that it was over. That you two had broken up for good."

"And it is! We are!" James insists, but deflates the moment Regulus glares pointedly at him. "Well, I mean, not exactly, but it's not—it's just very complicated—"

This time, Regulus does laugh. "Oh, I bet it is. But it's okay, James, you can save it. I don't want your fucking excuses. I want you to get out, and leave me alone."

James looks nothing short of devastated at this, and Regulus pretends the sight doesn't completely break his heart.

Good. Now you know how it feels.

"Regulus—"

James reaches out again, wanting to touch, but Regulus flinches, and his hand falls back at his side, the hurt on his expression almost unbearable.

"Get the fuck out," Regulus spits, eyes cold and filled with what he hopes looks like hatred.

James glances pleadingly at him, but Regulus doesn't give in, refuses to give in, and after a tense moment, he lowers his head and turns around, exiting the toilet.

Regulus is just glad he's able to hold his ground until the door closes once more. He can't think of anything worse than James seeing him break down.

#silly little drabbles #jegulus my beloveds #braineater

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vasito-de-leche · 3 months

Note

so remember when we were all wondering what's with the r1999 character profile page?

the "an arcanist's work displayed in the 19xx"

and with their length x width dimensions

and how our chosen character in our home page retreats to being a painting in the background

anyways...in one of the new game infos in the loading pages (which has a very short window of reading time so it was hard to catch), it was said that:

there was a strange phenomenon of people turning into paintings that they can't find the cause of

based on what we have so far i am not liking what bluepoch could be implying in that loading page 🥹

For those who don't know or haven't seen it yet, they're talking about the following loading screen (ty to Tale's lore server for providing these!)

I just assume that these details are part of the whole artistic theme within the game, like how each Chapter is named after a real book, all the references to artistic movements and so on and so forth. As well as Vertin's role as the Timekeeper─she's meant to record and keep evidence from different eras, which sounds to me like a job for an art collector, conservator or restorator! So it makes sense to me that the people she saves are seen as art pieces.

Besides, the suitcase/Wilderness is a very vague, mysterious place. It's a literal pocket dimension that just seems to do its own thing and follow its own rules. I'm willing to casually accept that, sometimes, people turn into paintings for no apparent reason because it's a LITERAL pocket dimension that pulls people from time and space.

If I think reaaally hard ... Maybe you're implying that the people within the suitcase are doomed to become paintings eventually, because they're in the wrong era?

But that makes no sense, because there's hundreds of other survivors within the Foundation, Manus Vindictae and Apeiron so far who survive just fine─and Chapter 05 revealed why some places are immune to the "Storm."

Any potential arguments to support this theory don't hold up from my perspective, either. For example, the idea that the arcanists Vertin pulls from the spinning wheel in the middle of the lake are different from people who survive the "Storm" through different means (siding with either the Foundation or Manus, or by being in Apeiron, these are the only examples we have so far), and therefore they don't count, so they could be affected in different ways. This doesn't hold up, because Vertin pulled Sonetto, someone from the same era as her, into the suitcase through the spinning wheel. Whereas Regulus, who comes from an entirely different era, was just pushed inside. And yet, both of these characters turn into paintings anyway when you select them on the main screen.

So I don't think I understand the "implication" you're talking about and why you wouldn't like it? But please, feel free to elaborate on a different ask/reblog/reply, etc etc! I'd love to know!

#not a prompt #reverse 1999 #entirely unrelated to this ask #i think we should discuss the fact that the way vertin summons ppl to her suitcase #is partially thru rainwater from the Storm #like whats HAPPENING THERE #I KNOW THAT THE SPINNIGN WHEEL AND THE THREAD ARE A REFERENCE TO THE THREAD OF FATE AND ALL BUT. THE RAINWATER??????? FROM THE STORM??

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saintchaser · 1 year

Text

i think that we often do forget that the black brothers were not inherently good people; they were more or less morally grey, more or less leaning towards the good/bad side. it's hard to fully unlearn beliefs of your family (and i think that many people resonate with this statement, whether we are talking about fictional characters or real, fully-fledged people), and i think that morally grey characters are far more interesting than people who are inherently good or evil.

sirius black

many people (including myself) would say that sirius is leaning more towards the lighter end of the spectrum, given the fact that he actively tried to unlearn his family's beliefs, he ran away from home at the age of sixteen and decided to move in with people who were recognized in the wizarding society as good people, he joined the order as soon as he finished hogwarts, and, even after the unfortunate ending of the first war, he decided to join the order again and stay inside a house that was never a home for him, to ensure the safety of himself, the order, and harry, too. his last act was the attack at the ministry where he found himself, despite the fact that he was supposed to stay inside grimmauld place, and where he died.

however, we cannot deny that sirius, too, had slip-ups. one of them was the prank (to review what happened, essentially, he told snape how to get past the whomping willow, therefore revealing remus' secret to him). in this situation, sirius shows recklessness and a lack of thought towards the consequences that his actions could have towards not only himself, but severus snape and remus, too. his behavior showed a lack of altruism, and a lack of consideration for the people around him, being willing to put them in danger for whatever may have been the reason.

another one would be swm (snape's worst memory), where james is a part of the action too, but the tormenting of snape was unjustified (j&s started the fight, and snape responded) and ended badly. now, i am in no way a defender of severus snape's, but both j&s and him were acting based on either boredom (the aforementioned) and a need for revenge caused by the actions that had happened against him (the latter).

in canon, we are also shown that he does not exactly think the words he says, and the effect they have on people. (“You're less like your father than I thought.” — GoF). i think that sirius had no right to say this to harry, who was just trying to make sure that sirius would be safe. what we need to remember is that, by the time of the action of GoF took place, sirius was still on the run, and the ministry was still looking for him; it would have been dangerous for both him and harry (and whoever might have joined them) to go out of hiding and go meet up somewhere near hogwarts (hogsmeade). harry's response to sirius' request was logical, and sirius' response was reckless and not well-thought.

regulus black

we do not have enough information on regulus to fully state on which side of the spectrum he finds himself on. however, he was known to have held the same beliefs that his parents did and to be an open voldemort supporter (The Slytherin colours of emerald and silver were everywhere, draping the bed, the walls and the windows. The Black Family crest was painstakingly painted over the bed, along with its motto Toujours Pur. Beneath this was a collection of yellow newspaper cuttings (of voldemort), all stuck together to make a ragged collage.)

therefore, to some extent, we can safely assume that he held the same beliefs as him (and, implicitly, his parents). the voldemort collage might have been on the wall for either research purposes or an act of devotion (this interesting perspective has been added by @/werewolfenthusiast) we cannot be sure; however, i am inclined to think that it might have been a mixture of both.

furthermore, i think the fact that regulus only started actively betraying and going against voldemort only after voldemort's actions had direct consequences on him and the ones he loved — kreacher, and this is shown in two acts; (wording taken off the hp wiki)

After becoming a Death Eater, Regulus began to consider abandoning Lord Voldemort, partly because his master mistreated and intended to kill the Black family's loyal house-elf Kreacher whilst setting up the security measures for one of his Horcruxes.

One day, Voldemort asked Regulus for the use of his house-elf, Kreacher and Regulus eagerly accepted as he wanted to please his master. Voldemort used Kreacher to test the defences around his locket Horcrux, leaving him to die afterwards. Kreacher was able to escape using house-elf magic and told Regulus of what had happened. Regulus worked out that the locket was a Horcrux and was the reason behind Voldemort's immortality. This was the deciding factor in Regulus's defection.

therefore, regulus has been shown to feel remorse and to start to realize the lenghts lord voldemort would go through only when his family (implicitly, his house-elf) were targeted. however, by researching horcruxes and trying to destroy one of them, regulus (un)willingly helped the wizarding world towards voldemort's fall.

all in all, the black brothers are two complex characters who, to some extent, held their family's beliefs and values. whether they had actively tried to unlearn them (sirius) or their betrayal was slow and silent (regulus), and neither of them can be fit in the category of inherently good or bad people.

#i'm just realizing right now that i kind of format this like an essay and so consider this an essay about the black brothers #and i also hope that nobody's gonna like jump at me because of this so if you don't agree with me #and if you do consider them inherently good or bad people just scroll away please #anyways i personally see characters that are not inherently good or bad for more fascinating and captivating then the ones that are #and u'd like to read more fics in which not only the black brothers but also other characters are not morally good or bad #because the very same way that people are not inherently good or bad I think that that applies to characters as well #and i try in my fics to make characters not only good or bad also offer them traits from the other side of the spectrum too #so for example if a character is majorly morally dark i'm also gonna offer them positive traits and vice versa #anyways enough rambling!!! tags #sirius black #sirius black meta #regulus black #regulus black meta #the black brothers #the black brothers meta #the noble and most ancient house of black #the noble and most ancient house of black meta #meta #my writing

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allyeardepression · 2 months

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@jegulus-microfic | march 21 support | words: 976

hiiii so i had the worst fucking time at work lately and i felt like i needed to disappear and wondered why i was a public enemy number 1. so to make myself feel better i wrote this (yes, you guessed- james is me; reg is my therapist 🤠). do i feel better? not really. do i hope someone else with similar feelings will find comfort in this? absolutely.

tw: anxiety, self hatred, everyone is mean

James lay on the carpet and looked up at the fluorescent stars on the ceiling. He was having a shitty day; he started it with a huge smile on his face, but as he walked into the coffee shop he always passed on his way to work, the barista looked at him like he had just killed their pet. Maybe they're having a bad day, he thought.

So he ordered his coffee, waited until the order was ready, and watched the barista. They served another customer with a radiant smile on their faces. Well, maybe they just don't like me.

The thought made him lose his spark a little, but as he grabbed the paper cup and left with a cheery see you tomorrow, he plastered that bright smile back on his face.

It hasn’t stayed there for a long time. While waiting for the light to turn green, he looked at the girl holding her mother's hand and winked at her. The woman at her side must have read it wrong, because she frowned at him and led the girl as far away from him as the other people would let them. Yeah, she didn’t get it right; I was just trying to be friendly, not creepy.

As the day went by, there were similar situations waiting for him at every corner: his boss walked to the break room while James was making tea and gave him a nasty look; his colleagues didn't say a word to him all day, apart from polite greetings. James needed help with some paperwork and asked Carolina from accounting about it. She just huffed and took the papers with an eye roll.

He didn’t get it—what was he doing wrong? He was nice as ever, smiling at everyone and trying not to get in anyone’s way, yet still, each person with whom he interacted that day seemed to hate him.

Even Sirius seemed angry with him when, after being asked if he wanted to come over and watch today’s game, the long-haired man replied i can’t.

By 4:00, when he finished work, there was a purple spot on his hand where he was pinching himself to get his mind off of the whole everyone-hates-me thing. He walked out of the building, saying his goodbyes with a small smile and sad eyes that no one seemed to notice. He walked the five blocks from work to his flat, looking down, deep in thought.

What did I do? Are they mad at me for taking that sick leave last week? I didn’t even know they needed my help so much; I shouldn’t have done that. Was I rude to that barista the last time I went there? And Sirius? He’s never like this; I had to muck something up.

The spiral went on and on until James realised he was at the entrance to the building he lived in. And now he’s here, lying on the floor, looking at the stars he and Regulus put up there so long ago. James wondered if his boyfriend would also be mad at him.

He didn’t know how much time has passed before he heard a key turning and the door creaking. He still lay on the carpet when Regulus shouted, “Hi, baby! How was your day?”

“Good, I guess,” James replied robotically. As the younger man walked into the room, he heard a sigh and quick steps, and suddenly Regulus was looking down at him with a face James couldn’t exactly read from this perspective. “Am I a bad person, Reggie?”

His boyfriend crouched next to him, putting his fingers in James’ hair. That was the first thing today that didn’t make him feel like a piece of garbage.

“Que s'est-il passé chéri?” James has heard this question so many times for the last six years that he didn’t need translation, so he just started rumbling about everything that happened and everything he felt.

The longer he talked, the harder it was to hold back the tears in his eyes. When the first rolled down his cheek, Regulus laid down next to him, taking his face into his hand and caressing it gently with a thumb.

“You’re not a bad person, mon rayon de soleil,” Reg whispered to James, looking straight into his eyes with so much adoration and honesty that it made him cry harder.

They stayed on the floor, with James crying quietly and Regulus cradling his face. It took another eternity for the older man to calm down, but when he finally did, he sat up, rubbing at his eyes. Regulus stood up, extending his hand to help James up and putting his arm around the other’s waist for support. James felt sour after so much time spent in one position, so it actually was easier to walk like this.

Regulus sat him down on a couch and went to the kitchen to make them tea and pasta al pesto. Moments later, he was back at James side. They ate in peaceful silence, yet James' brain was still racing. Regulus must’ve noticed it, because he put their dishes on the coffee table and pulled James to his chest.

“Baby, you could start a cult,” he started into the crown of James’ head, “and you would still be better than anyone else. Even if you did something wrong, you would immediately try to fix it, and this is not a bad-person trait. You did nothing to piss all those people off; it was just an unlucky coincidence. They all had a bad day today, and apparently instead of dealing with it in a mature way, they decided to act like a bunch of kids. It’s not your fault. You’re not a bad person,” Regulus repeated the words like a thousand times.

James still had his doubts.

But James felt better.

translation: Que s'est-il passé chéri? -> What happened, darling?

#jegulus #starchaser #dead gay wizards #james potter #james x regulus #regulus black #jegulus microfic #marauders #the marauders #modern au #james is having a hard day #i’m so sorry for this #reggie my beloved #they’re so cute #angst ig #angst/comfort #kinda #idk

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cressthebest · 1 month

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Crimson Rivers thoughts pt. 22

chapter 38:

1. “"Right, so, your stylist?" Marlene asks, settling in as they continue to sway. "The one who looks like a fucking goddess? Yeah, so get this, she says we're friends…"”

james and marlene gossip sesh <3333333

2. 😧 MCGONNAGAL??????????

3. wait i think mcgonnagal is good. i’m pretty sure she’s from the phoenix. i’m not sure. i’m hopeful. i’m so hopeful

4. aww huey is kinda sweet. i like that’s he’s reg’s breath of fresh air when it comes to talking to the hallows

5. reg, i understand your anger, but please don’t make one of the only good sponsors feel bad

6. jealous james >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

7. “"I like your tea," James offers. "Maybe I'm biased, but it tastes better than anyone else's. What do you do to it?"

Regulus hums and lightly says, "I spit in it."

Without missing a beat, James replies, "Ah, that explains it."”

😭😭😭😭😭

8. “"Would you—" Regulus chokes on another relentless giggle, gasping a little. "Wait, would you actually drink my tea if I spit in it, James?"

"Love, I would let you spit directly into my mouth," James announces with absolutely no shame in his tone whatsoever.”

😭😭😭😭 james i love you

9. awww i love that barty is the most consistent part of reg’s life. i love barty

10. 😬 riddle is unconvinced in their love story. i- yikes

11. okay, right, mcgonnagal is good. thank god

12. dorcas wants to keep marlene out of the war, but only one of them has had a pov so far, so i’m not hopeful

13. oh shit marlene sounds hot

14. also, to add in, i’m so fucking glad there’s like no homophobia (that we know of) in this world

15. i do NOT want dorlene to be a tragedy in this universe

16. 😟 she gave back the ring. AHHHH

17. oh no. shit shit shit shit shit what did riddle do

18. “Riddle didn't even grant the liberty of leaving bodies behind for them to bury.” 😟😧

(but also, orion and walburga were dicks, so like, i’m not sad, just scared)

chapter 39:

1. aww regulus finally invites james in for tea

2. “On the day he accidentally kills a bee while tending to his flowers, he goes through the five stages of grief in less than an hour, which has nothing to do with the bee and everything to do with Vanity.” STOP! THE VANITY MENTION HURTS TOO MUCH

3. “When Regulus wants more time with him, he adds bagels, which James has now unconsciously been Pavloved into thinking of as his favorite food for that very reason.” STOP THATS SO GAY

4. sirius being dramatic about james and reg liking each other is TOP TIER in this fic, in the most realistic, aggravated, obnoxious, and completely loving way

5. BWAHAHAHHAHA JAMES GETTING A PIGGY BACK RIDE FROM SIRIUS IS GOLD

6. oh shit, (i’m not the best comprehensive reader, but i should have figured this out sooner), but from sirius’ perspective, he has to do the back and forth with remus his whole life. he doesn’t have the knowledge that i do, that a war is coming and they’ll finally get a chance to live together. he thinks he only gets to see remus once a year for two weeks at a time. this- this shit is heartbreaking yall

7. “”I watched him stand to his feet and tip himself into a river of blood in an act so tender that I'll never again be able to look at him with anything less than pure love. Every other member of the Black family, including you, fought and clawed their way home to their family, oftentimes to a family that never truly made them feel loved at all. Regulus? He fought and clawed through that arena, the entire time, for James. He's far more gentle than anyone gives him credit for."”

y’all, i’m crying over this. this is so lovely. effie is right, and i’m crying over how right she is

8. 😒 i know what’s coming. riddles a bitch. a right bitch. he’s gonna announce that previous victors are competing and i’m PISSED

9. so far, all three potters offered reggie food. they’re so hospitable, i love them

10. “He hasn't forgotten what it is to long for James. He still knows what it is to want him so badly that he'd be willing to kneel at the altar of James Potter and beg; he'd drop down on his hands and knees and crawl if that's what it took, if that would prove his devotion. He is the manifestation of longing built up with nowhere to go, and he craves, he yearns, he covets.”

both of them are so down bad

11. omg reg is so horny. his inner monologue is literally only like “”””“rip my clothes off please, read my mind and rip my clothes off”””””

12.AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I KNEW IT WAS COMING! BUT IM SO MAD!!! FUCK RIDDLE

13. effie is a queen. she is a godsend. and i’m so upset right now

14. not effie making them promise not to volunteer, and immediately james and sirius arguing over who’s gonna volunteer for her

15. i’m seething. i’m pissed beyond belief. i’m so angry it’s indescribable. my babies are going back into that arena. honestly, fuck riddle

#marauders #regulus black #james potter #fanfic #jegulus #sirius black #effie potter #euphemia potter #sunseeker #starchaser #dorcas x marlene #dorcas meadowes #marlene mckinnon #crimson rivers

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vajazzly · 8 months

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mlm (and not in the gay way) reg, as a treat

Around the age of 21, Sirius gave up all hope that Regulus would ever pull his head out of his ass.

Twenty, they figured, was an age at which one was expected to start thinking for oneself, and though Regulus had always been a bit of a late bloomer, holding onto the false hope that Regulus would ever be the brother they wanted was starting to become more of a burden than anything else. And at 21 Sirius had acquired several things - a lovely boyfriend, a prescription for HRT, a therapist, and a bit of perspective, most notably - that softened the blow of their brother’s rejection. At 26, though they never thought it would be possible, Sirius barely thinks of Regulus anymore, more of a passing thought during the holidays or around his birthday, the lump of resentment and grief smaller each year, something they can sit with and then dismiss with a firm hand.

So when, on the eve of Sirius and Remus’s second wedding anniversary, Sirius receives a follow request on their very private instagram from regulusablack, it comes as rather a shock, enough to make them sit up straight from where they were lounging with their husband on the couch, half-asleep with Keeping Up With the Kardashians on in the background.

“The fuck?”

“Mm?”

Sirius tilts their phone screen so Remus can see, and he makes another soft, confused sound. “Weird.”

“Isn’t it?”

“You gonna accept?”

Sirius pauses, for just a moment. A voice in their head, small but mighty, tells them no. They’ve worked hard over the years to scrub any trace of themselves that their family could track from the internet, only using their private instagram under a vague username, and they like it that way, like the anonymity and the disconnect and the sense of safety that comes with it, even now, when their family can’t really touch them. It’s the control more than anything else, probably, or the need for the freedom to be themself without the constant second thoughts, the anxiety, knowing their family will see.

They click on Regulus’s profile, which is public - scroll through his posts, all awkwardly posed photos of him in suits with a rotating cast of other formally dressed people, some outside of their old church, others at what must be an office or business conferences of some sort. It’s all horribly generic, expected. Sort of soulless. Still, it makes Sirius smile, seeing him grown out of his awkward boyhood into a man, sends a spark of something through his gut.

“Dear god,” Remus says, with a note of amusement in his voice, and Sirius chuckles, scrolling back up to the top and pausing with their finger over the accept follow request button, considering. Everything about this is more than a little suspicious - Regulus seems to have settled into the life that was expected of the both of them, and they were never very close, even as children - Regulus has no real reason to contact them, unless…

Sirius presses accept follow request firmly and sets the phone down next to them, turning to peck Remus on the lips, reveling in his contented hum. A few years ago something like this might have sent them spiraling, but now, with a family of their own with Remus and their dogs, Lily and James and Harry just down the street, the sting of their family’s rejection has faded into a dull ache, a bruise - painful when pressed, but easily soothed.

Sirius hasn’t even gotten Remus’s fly all the way down when their phone lets out a soft ping, and despite themselves they pause to check it, curiosity briefly winning. It’s a DM from Regulus’s account, and they open it.

Hey bro! Hope you’re doing well. Recently I’ve been working towards a promotion, and I’ve got an incredible business opportunity…

Sirius tries to read through the rest of the message, but once they see the phrase more freedom than a 9-5 they break - at first into giggles, then full-on stomach-cramping fist-pounding laughter, dropping their phone onto Remus’s chest so he can read it - which he does, chuckling incredulously.

“Is this - is he trying to recruit you for a pyramid scheme?”

#wolfstar #snip snip #regulus black #am i capable of writing wolfstar not being married #jurys out!!!

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swanandstar · 11 days

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marauders as TTPD songs pt 2

okay so i’m not really doing this in any particular order but to me the smallest man who ever lived is very Jegulus breakup.

the first verse is from James pov. “Was any of it true?/ Gazing at me starry-eyed/ In your Jehovah's Witness suit/ Who the fuck was that guy?/ You tried to buy some pills/ From a friend of friends of mine/ They just ghosted you/ Now you know what it feels like” James is questioning their relationship after their breakup. Regulus was finicky in their relationship and not very communicative.

The chorus is both of them “And I don't even want you back, I just want to know/ If rusting my sparkling summer was the goal/ And I don't miss what we had, but could someone give/ A message to the smallest man who ever lived?” kind of self explanatory.

the next verse is from regulus’s perspective. “You hung me on your wall/ Stabbed me with your push pins/ In public, showed me off/ Then sank in stoned oblivion/ 'Cause once your queen had come/ You treat her like an also-ran/ You didn't measure up/ In any measure of a man” I feel like at the beginning of Jegulus relationship it would be a honeymoon phase but towards the end James would be less attentive. regulus would also through in some random insults because I said so.

finally the bridge, this part will be a little confusing so bear with me. basically the bold is who is talking to the other.

Regulus: Were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

James: Did you sleep with a gun underneath our bed?

Regulus: Were you writing a book?

James: Were you a sleeper cell spy?

Both: In fifty years, will all this be declassified?

James: And you'll confess why you did it

Regulus: And I'll say, "Good riddance"

Regulus: 'Cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden

James: I would've died for your sins

Regulus: Instead, I just died inside

James: And you deserve prison, but you won't get time

Regulus: You'll slide into inboxes and slip through the bars

James: You crashed my party and your rental car

Regulus: You said normal girls were boring

James: But you were gone by the morning

Regulus: You kicked out the stage lights

James: But you're still performing

James: And in plain sight you hid

Regulus: But you are what you did

James: And I'll forget you,

Regulus: but I'll never forgive

Both: The smallest man who ever lived

#taylor swift #ttpd #the tortured poets department #the smallest man who ever lived #jegulus #sunseeker #starchaser #james potter #regulus black #marauders #dead gay wizards from the 70s

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fuck-i-love-october · 1 day

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PLEASE WRITE MORE SAD/INSECURE JAMES. i, a james kin, love it SOmuch.

even one more will do thankyouu

Teehee omg this is what I do best!!

I may have went wayyy too hard with this one guys..

(I cried writing this)

--------

All he had ever wanted was to be loved.

A baby boy with stubby fingers and bright eyes, he'd reach his arms up out of his crib, toward the sky. By the time he started he speaking he was already proclaiming his deepest feelings for the tiniest of things.

"I love you"s after breakfast, "I love you"s crouching down to pick a ladybug up off of a leaf, watching in awe as it flew from his hand.

Running crying into his mothers arms when the flowers in her windowsill had dried.

A little boy tugging on his fathers coat sleeve, handing him a rock with the sweetest smile. His father still kept this on his desk, and never did an explanation come as to why that seemed so important for James.

He'd been meant for a gentle life, not this.

Still he loved.

Seemlessly,

incessantly,

wholly.

James loved just about every being on this planet and there was no indication of any remorse as he professed his unfiltered, undying affection to anyone who even glanced his direction.

He knew not what it was to feel nothing.

Until nothing he was given.

James had always known to give more than he took. To put more in than he received. He held onto this with the notion that it'd make its way back to him, even still, at peace with the idea that it may not. As long as everyone else was happy, James was happy.

Well

You know how it is, when you have drawn curtains around your bed and a silencing charm cast to muffle out the sound of choked sobs.

James gave so much that he felt half-empty, most of the time. If you would have asked him a year ago, he would have said half-full, but as pain changes so it seems does perspective.

No one had time for anything anymore. Everyone was always busy with something so often that the word "friendship" couldn't roll off of James' tongue without choking some first.

His chest squeezed when he thought about it. Where he was anyway. In life, not in place. He'd felt more comfortable than anywhere in his life in this very spot. And still through the sound of their snores and senseless sleep-talk James felt the room he was in to be empty.

His best friends were empty shells of the lively group they had once been and so James had no reason to utter the words of "Love" anymore. Even when he did, he was sure his gums bled just trying.

It doesn't help when the love of your life joins an organization you live to defy, then dropping you entirely right after. James got mad. James yelled. And then Regulus left. James wasn't perfect. once. And Regulus left. James thought it was unfair, all of it. He stayed, even when regulus would bare his teeth. When regulus would look at James as if though worthless. James stayed, when even through begs and pleads Regulus used to ignore him, coming back hours later like nothing happened at all. James was patient, and he was kind, and he praised the scraps he was given. Like a kicked dog, all he asked was a blanket in the corner and a handful of kibble every so often. A spared glance, that's what he begged helplessly for.

No matter how much he sawed off, how desperately he tried to make himself fit, no one ever had room.

Not in their hearts, nor their minds.

James tore his own limbs off, to make himself more digestible for those around him.

Always waiting for something that made it all worth it.

Always waiting for the love he gave to come back around.

He was hungry. Starving. A dog clawing at the garbage for some semblance of care. James fears hes too gullible as he runs right into the hand that feeds him.

No wonder so many deer end up on the highway. Youd run too if you mistook headlights for the first glimpse of daylight at the end of the tunnel.

So when Regulus took him back, but only for the nights, James followed after, lapping up whatever food fell from his plate, grateful to be held, even if only for a moment. He was so happy, when he had someone's eyes on him, even if just long enough to get off.

James felt like he was worth something, and isn't that the strangest drug? To be needed.

Regulus wouldn't spare him a glance in the great hall or write him over the summer, but James served a purpose. That's all he ever asked for anyway. To have a purpose.

He was of use to someone. Sometimes. And if that wasn't enough, he's sure to have been overzealous.

James felt sort of awful, admittedly. He felt shameful, when his worship only worked when he was on his knees. Only then could he get someone to say his name like it meant something.

He wanted someone who wanted him always.

He could only stand to let it hit him afterward.

James just held himself in silence. No one else would. And that morning he found no sense in getting up. Who needs exams when no one needs him at all? He was meant for something kinder. Something better. James didn't know why the world had been so cruel to him.

He'd been so good.

Why didn't he deserve the good?

Sometimes James liked to convince himself this was all one big trick. Like he'd wake up tomorrow with streamers and confetti as far as the eye could see, and he'd let out a sigh of relief.

Or maybe he'd wake up and it'd be the funniest dream. Like he'd be able to turn over to someone who cared about him under any stars.

But he woke up again in the dim, imprisonment of dorm. He wanted to tear his eyes out, the number of times he'd been met with this same disappointment.

He'd slept through the day. This much was clear as the moon taunted him through a sliver of curtainless window. James crept out of bed, and then through the corridors of this much too big castle, his feet on a mission of their own even as his ever-loving, always caring heart clenched in his chest, throbbing a cry of "No, not like this."

James had reached wherever he'd meant to be. The astronomy tower. He pushed the door open, the same creaks they hadn't fixed in a hundred-and-fifty years and that almost brought a smile to his face, the one single sense of familiarity.

James climbed up and out to the front-facing tower, looking onward as the sky began to paint itself in varying shades of orange and yellow. He smiled. There was only good to be found in the gold. The sun himself felt all warm, eyes creasing at the corners as the faint sound of what once was his best friends danced phantom-full through his ears. He remembered what they were. He remembers how young all of it used to be. How he wanted that now was immeasurable.

The sky was growing brighter by the second, the colour painting his skin nicely, hes' sure someone would have said if they cared enough to stand by his side. He leaned closer, reaching his arms out, sprawling his not-so-stubby fingers up to the sky, eyes bright. He could feel the semblance of arms around him. An embrace, that was all he needed. James potter felt whole as he reached the daylight.

Headlights, as it turned out to be.

------

When they say James angst and you kill him off instead...woops!

#marauders #james potter #peter pettigrew #regulus black #remus lupin #sirius black #marauders era #james fleamont potter #the outsiders #jegulus #Angst #HEAVY angst #omg #james potter angst

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