#a really really paired back narrative game is really difficult to pull off actually!

[rawliverandgoronspice]

I think what particularly annoys me with the "zelda was always gameplay before story" is that... it's not true? At least I don't think it's true in the way people mean it.

Zelda games were always kind of integrating story based on the standards of the time. When game stories were in game pamphlets, Zelda's stories was in the pamphlets. ALTTP tried to tell a pretty complicated stories with the limitations of the time. OoT was actively trying to tell an epic, cinematic tale packed with ambiance and expand what 3D could offer that 2D games struggled with. Majora's Mask is deeply character-driven in many, many ways. Wind Waker and Twilight Princess are both pretty concerned about their stories, down to the point that some people were bored by TP's cutscenes in particular. Skyward Sword, from what little I have played it, is very very invested in its characters and their journey (and 2D Zeldas have Link's Awakening, Minish Cap... None of them are visual novels, but they are concerned with emotional journeys, character arcs, mysteries about their own world...)

What is true is that the narrative wraps around the mechanics, and not the other way around. The mechanics drive themes, aesthetics, emotional beats and character journeys; and that's great. The world is a puzzle, and the world is delightfully absurd when it needs to be, full of heart when it calls for it, dark and oppressive when it suits the player experience.

That does not mean the games aren't invested in their stories. Even BotW has a pretty complicated story to tell about an entire world rather than one specific tale or legend --all of it at the service of the gameplay, which is exploration and mastery of your environment.

So. Yes, none of the Zelda games are million-words long visual novels that care deeply about consistency and nuance; but stories don't need consistency or deep lore to be meaningful and serve an emotional journey. Again: gameplay is story. The two cannot be so easily parsed from each other.

And Zelda as a franchise obviously care deeply about story, characters and setting (and still does right now --otherwise there wouldn't be a movie), even if it doesn't try to imitate prestige narrative-driven games, which is great and part of why I love this series so much. Doesn't mean it couldn't have done better in the past, it obviously could have, but I feel like pretending that nobody ever cared about story or character is just... false? It's a huge disservice to the devs too. Some of them obviously cared immensely.

The "gameplay above story", at least in the extent to which it is paraded today to defend TotK, mostly, is a really recent development. And I think it's one that deserves to receive some pushback.

#thoughts #tloz #zelda #the legend of zelda #totk critical #(sort of) #(I mean this is the subtext) #guys in 1998 nintendo was trying its darnest to make an epic story (with uhhh the writing that it got) #(love that game to bits but won't defend the actual writing) #the fully gameplay-driven game was mario 64!!! #I think this perception is also partially the fault of that “narrative game” category that is just.... kind of like Prestige TV but for gam #as if most games don't have some form of storytelling within them #and that coherence and vision and consistency are part of game design too #and will hurt a game's enjoyment if not handled correctly #a really really paired back narrative game is really difficult to pull off actually! #because you still need stakes and some degree of intrigue #so you need to figure out how to introduce this without walls of text and is it narrative design? is it game design? it's both!! #anyway anyway

[aikoiya]

LoL - Realistic Ressurection Mechanics From a Storytelly Standpoint

Let's start off by saying that, in my hc, the Resurrection spell used in LoL, narratively, is only something that works within 5 minutes of death. In this way, it's not actually a Resurrection spell so much as a Resuscitation spell. Like magical defib/CPR.

Beyond that initial 5 minutes, you're S.O.L.

If you do come back, it's as a vegetable.

—

If you're dead for longer than 5 minutes, which is the amount of time it takes for your brain cells to start dying. Then, once your body starts decaying, that's it. Nothing short of a literal miracle can bring you back.

So, greater than 5 minutes, but less than 24-72 hours depending on the person.

Though, there are some bodies that just don't decompose for one reason or another & they tend to have the benefit of a much larger window of resuscitation.

At the same time, freezing a body in an attempt to prolong the resuscitation window actually makes resuscitation much more difficult. It's still possible, but more difficult.

You can only be brought back between 1-3 times, the difficulty of the procedure becoming higher & requiring more magic with each death, so upon being brought back, you can't overdo yourself or you could end up dying again almost immediately. Even then, it'll only work if the soul in question has the determination & desire to keep living. Without that, even performing the procedure perfectly (which is near impossible) will not bring them back.

It's possible for someone to resuscitate a person beyond those 3 times, but no one has yet to do so due to the level of difficulty & amount of magic required to do so. It's possible that adding more medimancers or healing magic specialists to the mix giving their magic might help, but again, there's only been, at most, 2 at a time in existence. So, it's just theory atm.

This is not something you can just do with healing magic (somamancy/corporamancy).

It requires dedication & deep study of both healing magic, medical science, chemtech, & alchemy. When these things are all paired together, it's called Medimancy. The medical branch of HexTech.

True Resurrection is literally the pinnacle of Medimancy. If you can manage to do this even just once, you are considered the best in the industry! Only between 1 & 2 people per every 7 centuries can boast this kind of accomplishment, at best!

If you can manage to do this consistently? You are automatically a fucking legend!

If you're just a doctor using HexTech, you CANNOT hope to ever perform True Resurrection. You MUST be a magicborn. If you try & you aren't, you WILL die & you won't even manage to accomplish your goal.

—

It's also not something someone can just come back from & get back to their daily life immediately like in games. They especially can't just jump right back into combat. They try &, guaranteed, they will die again.

You are literally pulling someone back from the jaws of death, there's gonna be some fucking damage. The kind that's actually really dangerous to try & heal with magic blunt force all willy nilly.

Anything beyond a cat with a magical purr or a Susurrecorder is too much, too sudden for the body. A Susurrecorder is a HexTech device that can a frequency range of 25 to 150 Hz, simulating a cat's purr, thus promoting healing; the HexTech Gemstone in the device mixes magic into the sound, thus producing low-level somamantic & sonimantic (sound magic) energy, thus improving the effects. It was the very first step in Medimancy.

So, there is definitely a long-ass recovery time to heal & rest. No getting up until they can breathe normally again.

It's an extremely difficult procedure involving fixing the main damage of organs (including the brain due to brain cell death) but, even then, they still need time to let nature take its course. And even then, it's best to be monitored by a doctor, healer, or Medimancer.

If death was due to internal bleeding, then one's lungs & heart especially can not be overworked, or they will just collapse & drown in their own blood again.

The procedure is useless if the Medimancer can't get the body to a point where it can heal on its own. So, depending on what the actual damage is, it can be quite the task.

---

Those who have learned this technique are known to have both extremely long lives (between 2 centuries & a millennium depending on just how knowledgeable they are & that's just for humans), incredible self-healing & regenerative abilities (so long as their magic is full), & an immense amount of physical strength due to the amount of magical energy in their body.

So, think Senju Tsunade & Haruno Sakura from Naruto.

This often results in female Medimancers, specifically those skilled in Myomancy (muscle magic), coming out looking quite like a mix of Tsunade & Luisa from Encanto.

The True Resurrection Procedure is also immensely magically & physically taxing, so expect exhaustion afterwards. Be sure to have an experienced assistant there to catch you should you faint like a damsel.

Arcane Masterlist

Aikoiya's Writing Tips Masterlist

#lol #league of legends #resurrection spell #realistic mechanics #writing

[gukyi]

the art of the rom-com | jjk

summary: FILM395, the art of the rom-com, was supposed to be an easy a with one of your favorite professors, but it’s not. it’s actually a sisyphean torture that comes in the form of fellow film student jeon jungkook, who has no problem responding to every one of your discussion posts about the consumerist ideals underlying every romance movie with his own paragraphs on the beauty of love like the hopeless romantic he is. and when the two of you find yourselves partnered up for your final project, which is to create a short film on rom-coms, jungkook decides to take it upon himself to show you what love is really like.

{enemies to lovers!au, college!au}

pairing: film major!jungkook x film major!reader (female) genre: fluff, comedy, slight angst, this is literally a rom-com in fic form word count: 33k warnings: college alcohol consumption, discussion board posts, emotionally constipated characters, film major shenanigans, blonde jungkook who’s also in a hip hop dance troupe, miscommunication, if you hate rom-coms do not read this fic

a/n: i am so so so excited to share this monster of a jungkook fic (tho let’s be real, 30k is pretty standard for me now ;-;) with you all! this is basically rom-com trash, but it’s my rom-com trash, and i hope you all enjoy!

on a sadder, less exciting note: after this fic i will be taking an extended writing hiatus until at least the beginning of may. my semester is picking up and i unfortunately just don’t currently have any upcoming fics planned for you guys. i hope you understand!! maybe i’ll do a couple of ask games here and there to see if anything piques my interest, but other than that please do not expect major works of writing for a while. love you all!

500 Days of Summer is a movie you all have probably seen before. That being said, I encourage you to respond to this discussion board from a film perspective as opposed to a viewer’s perspective. How did 500 Days of Summer alter the classic narrative of boy-meets-girl? Do you think it was a smart move, on the parts of Webb, Neustadter, and Weber, to do so? Why or why not?

Jeon Jungkook on February 12th at 9:53PM

I thought that the change in the boy-meets-girl narrative that had been popularized by rom-coms of the 1990s definitely contributed to his popularity and its attractiveness towards viewers in general. The film makes it clear that the story does not have a so-called happy ending, but despite that, it still brings into discussion the idea of love and soulmates and true connection. And that’s important, because despite the film’s not-so-happy ending, it makes it a point to emphasize that those things are real. That love is real. I thought it was an excellent move on the parts of the writers and director, because they both broke standards in terms of happy endings in rom-coms and they stayed true to the message at hand. 

Y/N Y/L/N on February 12th at 10:29PM

I have to disagree with Jungkook. It’s obvious the movie is not going to have a happy ending because Tom is so obsessed with the version of Summer he has created in his head that he doesn’t even see who the real girl is anymore. It doesn’t have a happy ending not because they weren’t soulmates, or because their love wasn’t right. They break up because what Tom wants and what Summer wants are fundamentally different, and Tom just can’t accept the fact that Summer doesn’t love him the way he wants her to. In a desperate quest to keep her, though, he manifests this version of her and replaces the actual Summer with it, ultimately destroying their relationship. How could viewers ever have faith that Tom would eventually get his happy ending if the only proof of his commitment to relationships they have is him manufacturing a different girl to fall in love with?

When you walk into class, Jeon Jungkook is already there. 

He sits in the front row, the seat closest to the door in your puny little classroom, much too small for twenty-students to fit comfortably, let alone watch movies on the pull-down projector screen above the chalkboard. You’re convinced he’s chosen that seat just so he can grin at you whenever you walk in the room, always later than him because apparently, he has nothing better to do with his time than show up to class early and smirk at you when you arrive. 

As you shuffle past his seat towards your own—second row, middle of the room, centered with the lecturer’s podium—with your usual scowl drawn neatly across your face, Jungkook says, overly bright and cheery, “Good morning, Y/N.”

The sound of his voice alone is enough to make your nose scrunch up in further disgust. “Shut up,” you grumble back, stuffing yourself into your chair and pulling out your laptop. One row in front of you and five seats to the right, you see Jungkook chuckle. 

Glowering, you open up your Notes document for the class and try to avoid staring at Jungkook’s side profile, the way he’s slouching lazily in his seat, and what looks to be a lengthy paragraph on his computer screen, a task that proves to be particularly difficult because he happens to sit in the exact spot you have to look in order to see your professor enter the room. What the hell is he even writing, anyway?

He straightens up the moment she does, cheerful as always as she smiles at everyone. “Good morning, everyone.”

The lot of you respond with halfhearted smiles and waves. 

“I can just feel the enthusiasm radiating throughout the room,” she jokes, clenching her fists together in success. At least that gets a couple of you to laugh. “Which is great, because before we get to anything today, we’re gonna talk about the final project.”

You smile to yourself, immediately pulling up the copy of the syllabus you had downloaded to your desktop, scrolling right down to where she had outlined information about the final project in big, bolded letters. There are a lot of reasons you’ve taken this class, not the least of which is the fact that you have had Professor Pollack three times prior to this and she’s loved you in every class, but the final project was definitely one of the major selling points. 

Pollack pulls up a more detailed final project document on the projector as she steps out from behind the podium. “As you guys know, your final project is a thirty-to-forty minute short film involving rom-coms. You guys have a lot of freedom, it can be a rom-com, it could be a documentary about rom-coms, anything. It just needs to involve the topic of rom-coms somehow. I know a lot of you have actor friends who would be more than happy to have a star-crossed lovers fling or whatever. Go wild. Just keep it PG-13, because I can’t in good faith have nude bodies of your fellow college students on my screen.”

You snort to yourself. Makes you wonder how many times Pollack has seen sex scenes of college students on her screen before. Too many, probably. 

Unintentionally, your eyes drift over to Jungkook. He seems to be working on that hefty paragraph of his, typing something you assume is completely unrelated to the topic at hand and is further proof that Jungkook just doesn’t give a shit about anything involving this class. Whatever. You turn back to Pollack. 

“Good projects not only capture the essence of what a rom-com is, but also put their own twist on the story and bring into question the topics we discuss in class, like truthfulness, realistic portrayals of love, and viewer interpretation,” she continues, and with every word you feel heart beat faster in excitement. “I know you’re all excellent filmmakers. That’s why you’ve taken this class. But what I want you to do is get into the nitty-gritty of the makeup of a rom-com and distill it as much as possible. We’ll be watching them all in class during the last week. Yes, Celia?”

You all turn to look at Celia, who sits in the third row, second seat from the left. “This is a partner project, right?” 

Well. That’s the one downside. As much as you know that cooperation is an important life skill, you would much rather prefer to produce the entire movie yourself. But you love Pollack and you already know you’re on track to get a good grade in this class, so whatever. You’ll deal. 

As long as you can pick your teammate. 

“Yes,” Pollack affirms, “and with that excellent segue, I will now announce your partners.”

Shit. 

Pollack pulls out a folded piece of paper from her back pocket, like she had just come up with the arrangements on the morning train ride to campus, and begins reading. Slowly, as she ticks off names one by one, everyone begins to turn around, locking eyes with their partners and exchanging guess-it’s-us-two-huh? smiles. Everyone except—

“And lastly, Jungkook and Y/N.”

You freeze in place. You look up at your professor, eyes wide and shocked, because nobody knows better than her how much the two of you have been butting heads this entire semester. But when you meet her eyes and she smiles knowingly, shrugging her shoulders, you know you’re doomed. Hesitantly, almost like you’re scared to find out what happens when you do, you shift your gaze towards where Jungkook sits in the front right corner of the room. Only he’s not just sitting. He’s turned a full one hundred-and-eighty degrees just so he can smirk at you from across the room, a glint in his eye. 

Jungkook laughs at your cold-stone, shellshocked reaction. Like he knows how much you’ll hate this, and you know how much he’ll enjoy it. 

From here, you actually have a pretty good view of his laptop screen, brightness turned all the way up because he apparently doesn’t care who reads his screen. Or maybe he just likes showing off how much he writes so he can establish dominance over everyone else. Except you, of course. But when you look a little closer, you notice he’s got the class discussion board for the week up on his Chrome window, two paragraphs typed into the text box. 

Right above is your response to his comment. 

Is that what he was working on? His reply to your reply? Right now? He has the audacity to draft it right here, in front of you, where he knows you can see? He doesn’t even care that you’re blatantly staring at it. In fact, he actually seems to be relishing in it.

You’re so caught off guard by the contents of his computer screen that when you look back up at him on instinct, you catch a wink in your direction. 

Your fists tighten by your side. 

Class is rather uneventful after the whole partner fiasco, as Pollack transitions into your usual dose of a short lecture on the film and then a class discussion that goes absolutely nowhere because everyone is too concerned with the final project to care. Whatever you talk about, you will be hard pressed to know, because you spend the entire rest of the period scowling at the blank page of your Notes document as you try to formulate a way to convince Pollack to change your partner. Would she accept a dozen doughnuts as a bribe? A box is only ten dollars from Dunkin’.

When Pollack finally shuts her laptop screen and begins her weekly goodbye spiel, you are the first one out of the room. Hastily, you stuff your laptop into your bag, zip it up as best as you can (which means that the tops of your water bottle and umbrella are sticking out, but who cares), and shuffle out the room right as Pollack is bidding you all farewell, just so you don’t have to look at Jungkook’s stupid, smug little grin on the way out. 

Faintly, you remember Pollack saying something about getting your partner’s contact information so you can start working, but fuck that. Jungkook knows your name. He can find you. If you must spend the entire semester communicating through Instagram DMs, then so be it. You’ve communicated with men in worse ways. Like through LinkedIn.

There’s a small seating area half a flight down from where your puny little classroom is, a few tables and a bench that wraps around the wall, posters splayed out on the corkboard to the right, staples littering both the board and the floor it rests above. Nobody ever seems to use this, despite the innumerable posters advertising everything from dance troupe shows to financial literacy talks, which makes it the perfect place for you to brood and gather your thoughts. It’s also in the direct opposite direction of the exit. So that’s good.

Taking your anger out on your personal belongings (as opposed to that bitchass smirk on Jungkook’s face), you begin to shove your umbrella and water bottle into the pocket of your backpack, fighting to nestle them amongst your other worldly possessions, like your pencil case and what looks to be a small nest of receipts at the bottom of the back. No wonder it’s so clogged up down there. 

If anything gives you a sense of control, it’s cleaning. One by one, you pluck out the receipts from your bag, nose scrunching up as you try to remember every purchase you’ve made in the past three months. Plus, one of these receipts is from when you bought some dryer sheets from CVS, so that means the five inches of actual information are also accompanied by three feet of coupons that expired two weeks ago. Ugh, what a waste. 

“Don’t look so angry, you’ll have to get used to seeing this face a lot.”

You look up from where you’ve been inspecting an old receipt from a midnight McDonald’s trip to find Jungkook standing in front of you, backpack hanging loosely on his bomber jacket-clad shoulder and that same stupid grin written all over his same stupid face. 

“Can I help you?” You drawl. Great. Now Jungkook can add “saw all her receipts” to the list of embarrassing things he’s caught you doing. 

“Can I help you?” Jungkook fires back with a scoff, blonde hair bouncing as he jerks his head flippantly. “Looks like someone needs to take an Accounting class or something.”

“I’m just doing some spring cleaning,” you sneer. It’s February. “What do you want?”

“What, no ‘Hello, partner’? ‘So excited to be working with you this semester’? I’m hurt,” Jungkook says, placing a hand to his heart as he shakes his head disapprovingly. “I thought we had something good, Y/N. Isn’t that why Pollack paired us up?”

You’re pretty sure she just likes watching the world burn. 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you chide, knowing that Jungkook already must get enough of a kick out of just seeing the annoyed look on your face. 

“Please, like I even need to. You think I don’t notice the way you stare at me during class? I know you must like what you see,” Jungkook flirts, just to be extra irritating. 

While he’s stroking his own ego, you tear off a piece of that CVS receipt, one of the expired coupons for Three Dollars Off Any Shampoo or Conditioner, and scribble your number on the back. The rest of the receipts you scoop up and dump in the trash can to your right before you zip up your backpack and hike it over your shoulder. 

“Here,” you say gruffly, shoving the paper against his chest as you head towards the stairwell. 

“How forward of you, Y/N, you know you could have just asked—”

Pausing right before you turn the corner and head out the door, you turn back to look at Jungkook, already exhausted from having to interact with him for five minutes. “And when you’re done jerking yourself off,” you say pointedly, “text me.”

You storm out the door.

[February 13th, 1:24PM]

Unknown Number: guess who ;)

You: Wow I have NO idea You: Keanu Reeves?

Unknown Number: haha very funny Unknown Number: it’s jungkook

You: Damn shame You: You done jerking off yet

Maybe: Jungkook: what makes you think i’m not doing that right now ;)))

You: You don’t have the coordination to text me and masturbate at the same time You: What do you want

Jungkook: ouch, harsh Jungkook: can’t i just want to talk to my final project partner? :D

[February 13th, 2:17PM]

Jungkook: alright fine Jungkook: just wanna see when you wanna meet up

You: Guess I don’t have a choice do I

Jungkook: unless you wanna facetime

You: Is that an option?

Jungkook: how about friday at 3 Jungkook: in one of the greene gsrs

You: You think you can manage to reserve one of those?

Jungkook: watch me

[February 13th, 2:21PM]

Jungkook: [screenshot sent] Jungkook: done

You: Do you want a gold star for all that hard work you just did? All that manual labor? You: Fine. See you then.

Jungkook: miss you already <3

Y/N Y/L/N on February 12th at 10:29PM

I have to disagree with Jungkook. It’s obvious the movie is not going to have a happy ending because Tom is so obsessed with the version of Summer he has created in his head that he doesn’t even see who the real girl is anymore. It doesn’t have a happy ending not because they weren’t soulmates, or because their love wasn’t right. They break up because what Tom wants and what Summer wants are fundamentally different, and Tom just can’t accept the fact that Summer doesn’t love him the way he wants her to. In a desperate quest to keep her, though, he manifests this version of her and replaces the actual Summer with it, ultimately destroying their relationship. How could viewers ever have faith that Tom would eventually get his happy ending if the only proof of his commitment to relationships they have is him manufacturing a different girl to fall in love with?

Jeon Jungkook on February 13th at 7:35PM.

You make a good point, Y/N, but I think you missed the whole point of the movie. It’s not about their breakup or the not-so-happy ending or even Tom’s problems. It’s about the journey they go on and what Tom learns in the process. If you watch the trailer then you’d go into the movie knowing they weren’t gonna last. The results of whatever Tom and Summer do to contribute to their eventual breakup should not come as a surprise to the viewer. The whole point of the movie is that they spent five hundred days together and Tom is now recounting those days to anyone who will watch. And you know who’s watching? People who want to hear a story. About love. And loss. And everything in between. Isn’t that the whole reason we watch romance movies anyway?

Sometimes, you wonder if the garishness of Professor Pollack’s shoebox-sized office is the reason not very many students attend her office hours. The walls are lined with movie posters taken from a theater going out of business, the shelves stuffed to the brim with Disney World trinkets and old film memorabilia. She’s installed these thick red velvet curtains along her single window, making the whole room look like some sort of 1950s movie lair. 

In a way, you suppose it kind of is. 

You hear the taps of her Converse shoes as they come down the hallway and round the corner into the office.

“You know, Y/N, I was surprised to see you signed up for my office hours when I logged in this morning,” Pollack says as she enters the room, handing you the coffee in her right hand as she takes a sip out of the one from her left. Last year, the film department bought a Breville coffee maker with the leftover funds from a movie showing fundraiser and it is, in your humble opinion, the best investment the department has ever made.

“Why? I see you all the time,” you ask, eyebrows raised. You and Professor Pollack are not lacking in social connection. She’s written you a letter of recommendation and she knows your coffee order. 

“The very first time we ever spoke outside of class, you sat down at my Starbucks table while I was eating lunch just so you could introduce yourself and ask me about my opinion on the Mamma Mia remake,” she deadpans. “We don’t exactly speak through official forums.”

Well, she’s got you there. 

“I know…” you begin, trailing off awkwardly as you take a sip of your coffee. It’s burning hot and scalds your tongue a little, but it’s nice. It’s been cold recently. “But I just thought we could talk… privately.”

Pollack rolls her eyes as she reclines in her chair, back hitting the padding of the chair with a thud. “Goodness, I wonder what you’re here to talk to me about.”

“Okay, please pardon my French, but what the freak, Professor?” You say, because the words have been sitting hot on your tongue ever since you walked into your office and you didn’t think sending an email that looked like:

To: [email protected] From: y/[email protected] Subject: what the freak

Dear Professor Pollack,

What the freak?????????

Cheers, Y/N

would be very professional on your part. 

Pollack lets out this honk of a laugh, loud and sudden, shaking her head fondly. “Come on, Y/N. You must have known I would have partnered the two of you up.”

“I was hoping you’d let us choose?” You emphasize. 

“And miss out on what very well may be one of the best final projects of the class, produced by my two best students of the semester? Absolutely not,” she says, smiling knowingly at you. 

Even her sudden reveal that you happen to be one her best students this semester isn’t enough to soothe your worries and calm your anger. You’re honored, but you have bigger problems. Problems that start with ‘Jeon’ and end with ‘Jungkook’. 

Pollack looks at your beaten-down expression and leans forward, placing her coffee cup on the wooden desk in front of her. “Listen, Y/N. You’re an excellent student and one of the most talented filmmakers I’ve seen in a long time. Your discussion posts are detailed, well-written, and thought-provoking. I know that the two of you will make a great project.”

You scoff. “We can’t agree on a single thing.”

“Sometimes that happens in life, and you just have to deal with it,” Pollack says sagely. 

“So I can’t change partners?”

“Not unless you’d like to fail the final,” Pollack comments, shrugging. How rude of her to say such a thing, not taking the option to change partners off the table entirely but making it so that if you do, you’ll pretty much be shooting yourself in the foot. Or worse. 

You narrow your eyes at her. “That’s low.”

“That’s life,” she corrects. 

“Ugh.” You get up out of your seat, taking angry sips of your coffee as you desperately try to think of another way to get out of it. Are doughnuts still an option?

“I have full faith that the both of you will come up with an excellent project,” Pollack says like it’s some sort of consolation as she walks you to the door to her office. Yeah, right. You and Jungkook spend your free time making snide responses to each other’s discussion posts like it’s nobody’s business. You’re probably the only two people at your entire university that care enough to make replies to each other’s replies. Like Tinder from hell. “You shouldn’t be worried, Y/N.”

“I’m not worried,” you say, completely worried. “I just—I don’t know how Jungkook and I will get along.”

Pollack grins to herself. Does she know something you don’t? Is she up to something? She looks at you as you linger in the doorway, feeling utterly helpless after a meeting that accomplished absolutely nothing, and she smiles. 

“You’ll find a way.” 

Reserving a group study room in the Greene Library and Collection should not be some gymnastics act that involves a warm-up, practice, a routine, and song and dance. In theory, all you have to do is log onto the library’s homepage, navigate to the reservations tab, enter your name and ID number, pick a date and time, and profit. 

Of course, the demand for the study rooms does tend to outweigh the supply. There are over ten thousand students at your university. And only twenty rooms. 

And still, you have the unfortunate luck of being stuck in one of them for an hour and a half with none other than Jeon Jungkook. 

You see him coming into the library at 3PM sharp through the opposite entrance, a little surprised he didn’t show up ten minutes early like he does in class, just so he would have an excuse to complain about having to wait for you. Feeling a little threatened, you pick up the pace so that you can meet his lengthy stride, keeping an eye on his direction so you know which room he’s aiming for.

You arrive at Greene GSR #18 at the exact same time.

“So nice to see you,” Jungkook says, too cheerful, as you reach out to open the door. 

“Mmm,” you mumble in response as you enter the room, flinging your backpack onto the floor by your chair with a thud as you take a seat. The faster you start, the faster you can get this over with.

Jungkook, not at all outwardly discouraged by your clear disdain for him, rallies on happily. “So, what were you thinking for the project?” But he doesn’t even let you open your mouth to answer before he says, “Oh, wait, let me guess: a social commentary on the consumerist ideals that underline every modern movie and encourage the pursuit of an empty dream by abandoning concrete career and personal goals in favor of romantic fulfillment.”

You scowl at him, even though that’s exactly what you were thinking of doing. You’re almost positive Pollack’s had enough of seeing college students try to engineer the craziest fake dating scenarios they can imagine just for a class project. Why not do something outside of the box? 

“Well, then what do you want to do?” You challenge, already bristling. Like Jungkook has a better idea. 

“Maybe something that doesn’t scream ‘killjoy’ as much as you do,” Jungkook retorts easily. He opens his mouth to spit out something else but then rolls his eyes and shrugs, shaking his head. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have even asked.”

“Don’t pin this on me,” you immediately rebuke, pointing at him. “You’re the one who wants to make some sort of generic rom-com for our final project. Besides, I’m pretty sure every idea you even think of will have been done already.”

“Just because something is cliche doesn’t make it bad,” Jungkook says. “I swear, I don’t think you understand what the word cliche even means. A cliche thing, by default, is something that lots of people like. Therefore, it is largely well-received by the general public.”

“Oh, then that must mean that all rom-coms are deserving of a People’s Choice Award then, right?”

Jungkook frowns, getting exasperated. You aren’t much farther off. “I don’t know why you’re being so—so resistant! You know that romantic comedies are supposed to be fun, right?” 

“They’re not that fun to me,” you comment snidely. 

“That’s because you’re a stick in the mud who takes everything way too seriously,” Jungkook replies like it’s some sort of known fact. “Have you ever even been in a relationship?”

“That’s none of your business,” you tell him firmly. Who does he think he is, going around asking that sort of thing? Especially to you! Like you could care any less about what Jungkook thinks of your love life. Intrusive, much? “Besides, you asking that is exactly my point. Not everything has to be about finding love and searching for your soulmate or whatever bullshit like that. Some people don’t really care that much.”

“You act like wanting to find love and wanting to be successful are mutually exclusive,” Jungkook points out. “You don’t have to abandon all of your life goals just to find love, you know. It doesn’t have to be the most important thing in your life for you to even care about it a little. It’s natural for people to want love.”

“Then I guess I’m just a robot.”

“You sure are acting like one,” Jungkook comments easily. “What, are you about to ask me to pick out all of the pictures with traffic lights?”

“I’m allowed to have my own views on love, just like you,” you say. Isn’t that the whole point of your discussion boards? A forum where you can discuss these sorts of things through an academic lens? A barrier that keeps the two of you from going at each other’s throats when you’re engaging in the class material? It doesn’t take a genius, or even half of one, to know that you and Jungkook can’t seem to agree on anything in your FILM395 class. 

Jungkook scoffs. “What do you mean, ‘your own views on love’? As far as I’m aware, your view on love is that you don’t have one! What do you even think love really is?”

You frown at him. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says like it’s obvious. “This project is about filming a short romantic comedy, about people falling in love with each other. How do you expect me to do that if we don’t reach a mutual agreement on what love is?”

You scoff. “There is no way in hell I am going to agree with you on anything concerning love.” Jeon Jungkook still thinks love is all rainbows and sunshine. Cries at the end of Love, Actually even though he’s seen it five times already. Believes in soulmates. Believes there are people out there that were built for each other. He flutters from one person to the next like a butterfly, even though he’s more like a moth drawn to any open flame within a five-mile radius. He’s convinced he’ll find his true love here, in college, just like his parents found each other. 

Yeah, right.

“Then what are we supposed to do, huh?” He says with an eyebrow raised. “We have a month to make a movie that’s fifty percent of our grade.”

“The social commentary is still on the table,” you point out. Sure, it’s not at all a romantic comedy, but it’s about them, which Pollack said was totally fine. Besides, she has been teaching you the entire semester, hasn’t she? She should know by now not to expect some cushy lovey-dovey story about two people who were destined to be with each other and can overcome all obstacles with their love. 

Deep down, a part of you wonders if that’s why she paired you up with Jungkook. If she’s had enough of the sappy love stories that Jungkook probably wanted to do, didn’t want to see another cynical commentary on capitalism in Hollywood.

“Wow, what a thrilling idea,” Jungkook deadpans. “Please, tell me more.” His voice is lifeless. 

“Oh, shut up. It’s not like your idea would be any better. Who would we even get to star in a rom-com we filmed? It’s not like the two of us could do it.”

You regret the words the instant they come out of your mouth. In horror, you watch as they sink into Jungkook’s brain, etching themselves into his mind as a lightbulb turns on, a bright idea popping into his thoughts. 

He opens his mouth, but you get there first. “No. Whatever you’re thinking, absolutely not. I am not starring in a rom-com with you.”

That is something you can say with one-hundred percent confidence. Something that you know will never change. 

“Just hear me out,” Jungkook pleads, looking a little desperate as he wrings his hands together, aching to spill the bubbling plan that’s been stewing in his head. 

You narrow your eyes in suspicion but lean back into your chair, a silent signal for him to continue. It’s not as if you have any better idea.s 

“Okay. It’s not a rom-com. It’s a mockumentary,” he says, something that (and you can’t believe you’re saying this) actually piques your interest. Moreso than anything else he’s ever said to you. “You think love is totally manufactured, right? That Hollywood creates the illusion of it to sell to people paying twenty dollars for a movie ticket?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s do that. Let’s prove it’s manufactured.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” It’s not like you can walk into a factory and ask them to make the “love” emotion for you. 

“We’ll be the stars.”

He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like it’s your best idea by a long shot, the home run of all home runs, your golden ticket to an A.

You scrunch up your nose, hesitant. “Wait, I don’t know—”

“It’s perfect!” Jungkook exclaims, eyes wide with excitement. “Think about it. It’ll be a mockumentary of a stereotypical rom-com. Except it won’t be this big Hollywood production, it’ll be real life. And it won’t be between two paid actors with years of experience under their belt, it’ll be us.” His eyes are practically bulging out of his head, big brown eyes glinting with excitement.

“So what are we gonna do? Act out our own rom-com in an attempt to see if either one of us will fall in love with the other?” You say, an eyebrow raised. 

Jungkook shakes his head. “Not necessarily. It’s a mockumentary, right? So it’s grounded in real life even if it is based upon the stereotypical boy-meets-girl rom-com. It won’t be super scripted or anything. Think of it more like… a chronicle.”

You scoff. “Of what?”

“Of us,” Jungkook says easily. “Of the time we have to spend together to film this damn project anyway. I say that rom-coms are emblematic of the natural human desire for love, and that deep down love is the thing that makes us happy. You say that rom-coms are consumerist propaganda, or whatever it is you think they are—”

“They are, and you can’t change my mind about that,” you interrupt, just for clarity. Can’t have Jungkook thinking he’s going to somehow convince you otherwise.

“—so, with this project, let’s see which one of us is right. If the time we have to spend together, making this mockumentary rom-com, will really change how we feel about each other, or if it won’t.”

How you feel about each other? You almost laugh when Jungkook says it out loud. There’s no room for questioning in your mind when it comes to how you two feel about each other. Two desperate-to-please students with opposite views on the entire structure of a class and three years of experience arguing your points in essays under your belts. 

Jungkook believes in destiny, right? Then he must know that the two of you are destined to never get along.

“You should be a car salesman,” you joke. Jungkook’s certainly excellent at pitches.

“So, you in?”

You narrow your eyes, still a little wary of whatever it is Jungkook’s putting down. But it’s not like you have any better ideas. And the sooner you agree on something, the sooner you can get this goddamn project over with and never have to sit in class with Jeon Jungkook ever again. 

“Only because this’ll finally prove to you that not everything can be solved by finding love,” you say. It’s about as good of a ‘yes’ as he’s going to get out of you. 

Jungkook grins, mischievous as always. There’s certainly something else he’s plotting, you just aren’t sure what. Maybe he’s in cahoots with Pollack. “Or,” he begins, lips curling upwards, “you’ll just fall in love with me.”

You scoff. “Yeah, right.”

“Well, then I guess we’ll just have to see, won’t we?” He holds out his hand, palm facing up as he waits for your response, that devilish glint that you hate twinkling in his eyes. 

As if you’re going to fall in love with Jungkook. For this stupid project? No way. Just because it’s a filmmaking project doesn’t make it any more bearable than your other assignments. It’s a partner project. They are, by their very nature, excruciating. You’ll be surprised if you end this project and you aren’t even more irritated with Jungkook. Does he really think you’ll actually develop some sort of affection for him?

You take his hand on your own, palm pressed against his, and you eye him carefully. Just because Jungkook’s got something up his sleeve doesn’t mean you don’t. Finally, finally, Jungkook will see why love is stupid and manufactured and fake. Why it doesn’t bring people together but instead tears them apart. 

Maybe then he’ll leave you and your discussion posts in peace.

You smile up at him. 

“I guess we will.”

When Ruby Rhodes is not six feet deep in The Princeton Review’s MCAT test prep book, she can usually be found at the small bakery five blocks west and two blocks north of your little campus, a family-owned place passed down through three generations. It’s her favorite place, and yours, too, because the coffee is delicious and the pastries are even better. 

Plus, hardly anyone from your school ever comes here, which means the wifi speed is eons better than the Starbucks inside the main food court. 

She’s halfway through a tiramisu and a rerun of The Bachelor from two seasons ago when you sit down across from her. 

“Any good?” You ask, pulling out your laptop and squeezing it onto the tiny marble table in between the two of you. 

“The food or the show?” Ruby asks over a mouthful of cake. 

“Either.” 

Ruby swallows down the piece sitting on her tongue before responding. “The tiramisu is delicious, and The Bachelor is eh. I’ve seen this episode three times already.”

“Then why are you watching it again?” You ask, laughing. Does Ruby think something different is going to happen?

“Because we’re in between weeks right now and honestly, The Bachelor is kind of dry this season,” Ruby says with a frown. 

“You’ve got some tiramisu on your cheek,” you tell her, pointing to the left side of her face where the bright mascarpone cream sticks out like a sore thumb against her dark skin. 

“It’s just so yummy, I can’t help but stick my whole face in it,” Ruby jokes as she wipes her face with the napkin on her lap. The Bachelor rerun plays on in the background, and you can hear the gasps of the women through Ruby’s discarded headphones. 

You roll your eyes. “Why do you even watch that show still? You know it’s all crap.”

“Just because you think it’s crap doesn’t mean I do,” Ruby insists, playing out an argument the two of you have had plenty of times over the course of your friendship. “Watching it makes me happy. So I do it.”

“But it’s all fake,” you say, frowning in disapproval. “The couples don’t even stay together in the end anyway.”

“It’s a totally pre-constructed show, but it’s not fake in the moment. And I don’t expect the final couple to stay together.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Believe me, I’ve seen enough Bachelor seasons to know those odds. I just like watching the ride. It’s cute.”

“You say that about everything.”

“That’s because everything is cute,” Ruby says pointedly. “I like seeing the good in people.”

Ruby’s always been the exact opposite of you in terms of worldviews. The embodiment of a real-life fairy. She puts butterfly clips in her hair and buys herself bouquets of daisies and lilies. She sits in cafes with her headphones in and sketches the people she sees outside the window. She’s studying to be a doctor so she can spend the rest of her life helping others. 

And you? 

Well, the Oscars have always been a bit of a long shot. 

The curiosity eating at you, you pose a question to her. “Hypothetically, if there were to exist a mockumentary on rom-coms and love, would you watch it?”

Ruby pauses for a second as she furrows her brows. Then she shrugs and says, “Only if the two leads fell in love at the end. Why?”

“No reason,” you say, looking away. 

There’s no fooling Ruby and her eagle eyes. 

“What is it?” She asks, a grin playing at her lips as she looks at you. “Come on, you don’t just ask me shit like that without a reason.”

“It’s for a final project,” you explain succinctly. No need to go into details. 

“You’re making a rom-com for a final project?” Ruby sounds about as skeptical as you did when you spoke to Jungkook. 

“It’s a mockumentary about rom-coms.”

“But… it’s a rom-com, right? Like, you’re going to be making a rom-com? Where people fall in love?”

Hopefully not. 

“Sort of?”

Ruby squints her eyes, trying to process all the information. You’re not surprised that she has to take a moment to think—you are certainly the last person on earth to ever admit to filming a rom-com. But, as you’ve stated, it’s not a rom-com. It’s a mockumentary about them. That distinction is vital.

“Wait, is this for that class with Pollack?” Ruby asks. “I remember you telling me you were taking it. You said this was a partner project, though, right? So who are you working with?”

Curse Ruby and her knack for remembering things. She’ll make a great doctor, that’s for sure, but right now you wish she would just forget things like everybody else. 

You sigh. “Jungkook.”

Ruby doesn’t need to think twice about who that is. “Wait, seriously? You’re working with him? Isn’t he the guy that responds to all your discussion posts?”

“Yes,” you say, rubbing your temples with your fingertips. You don’t even like thinking about him, let alone saying his name. The fact that he has to occupy any part of your brain at all gives you a headache.

“Damn, that sucks,” Ruby says, not feeling very sorry for you at all. “So you’re filming a rom-com with him?”

“It’s a mockumentary,” you specify, feeling yourself getting irritated. “It is fake.”

“Just like my shows, huh?” Ruby muses to herself, too analytical for her own good. 

“Listen, you don’t need to fall in love to make a mockumentary about it,” you say, refusing to consider any sort of alternative. 

“Don’t you?”

You sneer. “Just shut up and eat your tiramisu.”

Ruby lets out a laugh at that, this wonderful mix between a wheeze and a honk that makes you smile every time you hear it, even if it’s at your own expense. Ruby decides she’s had enough of mentally torturing you with the thought of feeling anything but extreme distaste towards Jungkook and goes back to her show, letting you brood in peace. 

You don’t need to fall in love to make a film about it. Just like you don’t need to be a masterchef to film Gordon Ramsey screaming at someone who undercooked chicken. You’re a filmmaker. You can make a film out of anything. Including love. Even if it is with someone like Jungkook. 

Can’t you?

Jeon Jungkook may be a disillusioned college student in love with the idea of love itself, but at least he’s not too shabby of a filmmaker. 

Funnily enough, it actually sort of surprises you that you’ve never encountered each other before. Especially considering you’re in the same major program at your school, a program that only accepts about fifty students per year at most. You suppose that in whatever general program classes you had to take in freshman and sophomore year you just never crossed paths. Plus, he’s a filmmaking concentration and you’re doing screenwriting, so it’s very possible that you would have just never spoken had the two of you not registered for the same semester of FILM395.

Huh. Imagine that. A life without him. 

Sort of makes you wish you had put this class off for one more semester. 

As the two of you kickstart your project, you both immediately agree that you need a third person’s help. You and Jungkook can do plenty, but you are only two people. And there’s nothing in the final project guidelines that says you can’t enlist other people to partake in the production. But you don’t need help with the filming and editing. You need help with the interviews. 

“Is this bedsheet good enough?” Kim Taehyung, a senior in the film program, asks as he’s Command-stripping a queen-sized black bedsheet to an empty wall in the living room of his tiny one-bedroom apartment. 

“As long as it fits into the frame,” Jungkook responds from where he’s standing behind the camera, set up on a tripod to capture a specific angle. “You’re not going to be in the shot anyway. You’ll just be asking the questions.”

“Good, because I look really ugly right now,” Taehyung says with a grin. You roll your eyes. Taehyung must know he always looks good. Even you can’t deny him of that. 

“This is ridiculous,” you say, seated on the singular couch in his apartment. You’re leaning on your elbow as you watch Taehyung fiddle with the bedsheet and Jungkook futz with the camera, the two of them repositioning themselves over and over again until everything’s perfect. “What are you even gonna ask us?”

“I came up with some… preliminary questions,” Taehyung says suggestively. “But I haven’t told either of you what they are so that your reactions can be more genuine.”

“Great,” you deadpan. 

“Wow, someone’s excited,” Jungkook comments snidely. 

“I know we agreed on periodic interviews for the sake of the mockumentary but I don’t know why we have to be so… so serious about them,” you say with a frown. 

“We have to promise to be honest with what we say, alright? Like, actually honest. This sets a guideline for the rest of our relationship,” Jungkook says like it’s no big deal. Like the foundation of your relationship isn’t the fact that the two of you have been engaged in discussion-board war ever since the semester began. 

“Our ‘relationship’?” You say with a scoff. 

“Do you promise?” Jungkook says. 

You roll your eyes. “Yes, I promise.” Whatever. “What do you even think is going to happen between us in the next few weeks?”

Jungkook smirks. “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”

You don’t like the sound of that. 

Over the next ten minutes, Taehyung gets the sheet attached to his wall and pulls over two stools from his kitchen counters, old-timey wooden ones he got from a thrift store for five dollars a pop, one for him and one for the poor soul who has to be interviewed. You’ve agreed to do them separately but Taehyung’s apartment is only so big and you are only three people, which means that whoever isn’t being interviewed still has to be behind the camera, listening to the other person. 

Makes you sort of nervous about whatever’s stewing up inside Jungkook’s mind. Wonder what the hell it is he’s plotting up there. 

Once everything is settled, Taehyung looks at the two of you as he asks who’s going first. 

You turn to Jungkook, who’s already grinning. “Ladies first.”

For someone who has spent their whole life watching and making movies, being in front of the camera feels weirdly uncomfortable to you. You’re so used to being behind it instead, directing others as they move around the frame, telling them how to feel and how to act and what to say, that having the spotlight shone on you is like picking through your thoughts with a fine-toothed comb. 

You adjust awkwardly in the bar stool seat as Jungkook stands behind the camera, twisting the lens until he gives you the thumbs-up. Quite frankly, it doesn’t make you feel any better. 

“You ready?” Taehyung asks as he takes a seat opposite you, just out of frame. 

“Well, we’ve gotta start somewhere, right?”

“That’s the spirit. Alright, Jungkook, start whenever you’re good.”

“Okay,” Jungkook chirps up. “Three, two, one—” He points to the both of you. 

“So, Y/N,” Taehyung begins, his voice suddenly much clearer. He sounds sort of like a news anchor. It’s oddly fitting. “Are you excited to begin the filming for this?”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” You muse. 

“That didn’t answer my question,” Taehyung points out. Good thing the camera can’t see the way his eyebrows raise. 

“I suppose that there are worse things I could be doing,” you reason, which is about as good of an answer as Taehyung’s going to get. What was he expecting you to say? That you were thrilled to be filming this not-a-rom-com with your class nemesis? That you couldn’t wait to see what would happen?

“Loving the enthusiasm,” Taehyung jokes. You wonder what your classmates will think when they watch this back, hearing this unidentified deep male voice ask you and Jungkook questions about your relationship. “Let me ask you this: what’s your current relationship with Jungkook?”

“Uh…” you begin, nervous. Behind the camera, Jungkook has that same stupid, shit-eating grin plastered all over his face. You sneer. “It’s… it’s professional.”

“Can you explain what you mean by that?” 

“I mean we’re classmates. That’s the relationship.”

“That’s it?” You can hear the skepticism in Taehyung’s voice, almost like he’s egging you on to say something more. 

“We’ve had some personal disagreements on topics discussed in class. But yes, we’re just classmates,” you elaborate slightly. It’s not as if anyone needs reminding of that, anyway. They all see your discussion board posts. 

“And how do you expect that relationship to change over the course of this project?”

“I don’t think it’ll change at all.” It’s the easiest answer so far. Requires no energy nor brain power for you to think about it. 

Taehyung nods his head in intrigue. “And why’s that?”

“Because this is a project for a class, not a life lesson.”

“Who says it can’t be both?”

You frown. “Whose side are you on?”

Five feet away, Jungkook laughs. 

Taehyung chuckles. “Alright, moving on. What do you expect from Jungkook over the next few weeks as you start working on building your relationship?”

“I hope he becomes less unbearable,” you say, though you suppose that’s more of a general life goal than one that’s project-specific. But it would be nice if he became a little more… palatable. Just so you don’t have to feel the urge to sock him in the face every time you speak to each other. 

“‘Less unbearable’, excellent,” Taehyung repeats. “Anything else?”

“Well,” you say with a shrug, not sure what else to say. What do you want from Jungkook? Obviously the two of you are about to embark on your own rom-com adventure, no doubt most of it his doing, but it’s hard to imagine that he himself (or you, for that matter) will change. If anything, the rom-com setting will just exacerbate the worst parts of both your personalities. Like some sort of curse. “I guess I just hope that the project goes smoothly.”

“I hope that it does, too,” Taehyung says with a smile. “Okay, last question.” Thank God. This interview couldn’t have been more than five minutes, but it feels like an eternity to you. “Do you think you and Jungkook will fall in love at the end of this?”

“No.” You don’t leave any room for hesitation. “I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“We’re very different people with very different interests,” you explain succinctly. You’re sure Taehyung will grasp that once Jungkook has his turn and answers all the same questions. “He can try his hardest, but some things are just meant to stay the way they are.”

“Okay, thank you, Y/N, that’s all. I hope you found our conversation illuminating,” Taehyung says, his cue for the camera to stop rolling. You and Taehyung both turn to Jungkook, waiting for his signal, letting out a sigh when Jungkook gives you a thumbs-up. 

“Thank fuck,” you say, hopping off of the barstool happily. You head towards the camera, ready to kick Jungkook off of it, because it’s your turn to stand behind it with an annoying look on your face as you react to every stupid thing Jungkook says. You find that you’re actually sort of looking forward to it. Being behind the camera is where you feel most at home. Making faces at Jungkook is just a bonus. 

Jungkook’s still grinning that same goddamn grin when you approach him, making you narrow your eyes. 

“‘He can try his hardest’?” Jungkook teases, voice all high-pitched to mimic yours. “Sounds like a challenge.”

“Ah yes, my mission in life,” you retort easily. Maybe goading him on isn’t the best course of action, but you’re so confident that you won’t change your mind you find yourself actually anticipating his efforts. “Think you have what it takes?”

“Believe me, I do,” Jungkook says with a devilish glint in his eyes. 

You roll your eyes and kick him off the camera with a shove, pushing him towards Taehyung as he waits diligently on that chair of his. 

“So, Jungkook, same questions,” Taehyung says as Jungkook gets ready in his seat, fixing the blonde strands of hair that curl around the side of his face, framing his cheeks. 

“What? That’s no fair, he got to think about all his answers,” you exclaim, positively indignant. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N,” Jungkook says, voice sickly smooth, honey falling off his lips. “I’ve actually been thinking about the two of us for a long time.”

You pretend to throw up on Taehyung’s hardwood floor. 

As Taehyung promised, he asks Jungkook the same questions. And, as predicted, his answers about as far away from yours as the sun is from Pluto:

“Are you excited to begin the filming for this?”

Jungkook grins. “Yes, definitely. I actually took this class after hearing from a friend that the final project was a lot of fun.”

Taehyung beams. That friend was him. No wonder he was so happy to sign onto helping the two of you. 

“And how would you describe your current relationship with Y/N?”

“We’re soon-to-be-lovers.” 

“How forward of you.”

“Isn’t that my job?”

You have to stop yourself from bursting out into laughter behind the camera and ruining the interview. At least he’s not hiding anything. You’ll give him that. 

“So I suppose you expect the two of you to fall in love over the course of the project?”

“Yes, that’s going to happen.”

“And you seem pretty confident when you say that.”

Jungkook smirks as he turns to the camera. Or, more accurately, you. “Confidence is attractive.” 

You shake your head back at him. 

The rest of the interview falls pretty much into the same vein as the first few questions. Jungkook is so brazenly determined and hopeful and optimistic it actually pains you in a way, watching him make all of these promises both to you and himself that this project is going to turn out the way he hopes it does. His answers remind you of his discussion board posts, always looking on the bright side of every movie you watch, always finding the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel. A movie could be total Hollywood crap, filled with cheating scandals and misunderstandings and betrayals, and Jungkook could still find beauty in it. 

It’s strange. 

For the sake of you not actually throwing up in Taehyung’s lovely apartment, you tune out the majority of the middle of the conversation, having zero desire to listen to Jungkook wax poetic about your non-existent relationship like he’s saying his wedding vows. Only when Taehyung finally remarks that they’re on the last question do you finally come to again, ready to turn the camera off as soon as Jungkook finishes his answer. 

“Jungkook, do you think you and Y/N will fall in love at the end of this?”

“I do.” Wow, what a shocker. “I do, because I hope that by the end of this Y/N will have opened her eyes to the beauty of love, and will find joy in the feeling as something that makes her feel happy and warm. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure the things we do together are meaningful. And even if we don’t last, I hope that her memories of us together will be ones she can look back upon fondly and be grateful for.”

You purse your lips together. If only it were that easy. 

“Alright, cut,” you say, voice distant as Jungkook thanks Taehyung for his time and hops off the bar stool. “Thanks, Tae.”

“Anytime, you guys,” Taehyung says with a grin. 

Jungkook comes over to where you’re standing, possibly to grab his camera and tripod but most definitely to rub his obnoxious personality all up in your face. 

“You really think you’re gonna get me to fall in love with you, huh?” You muse, an eyebrow raised as you look up at him. “Just so you can prove a point?”

“Believe it or not, Y/N, but I actually think that all people deserve the chance to experience love and that happens to include you, as well,” Jungkook responds easily. 

The words put a sour taste in your mouth. “You think I deserve it, huh?”

Jungkook nods, face solemn as he looks at you, gazing into your eyes with those big brown ones of his own. It makes you feel something unfamiliar. Like he’s reading right through your chest, into your heart. You don’t like it. “Everyone deserves love.”

“You guys are coming back, right? So I can leave the sheet up?” Taehyung interrupts after he’s moved both of his bar stools back to his kitchen counter. 

“Yeah, we’ll be back,” Jungkook answers quickly. “Thanks for setting everything up, by the way.”

“Of course. Plus, this is a good background for my nudes,” Taehyung says casually, like he’s mentioning what he’s having for dinner. “Looking forward to seeing you guys again.”

“Us, too,” Jungkook says. “Ready to go?”

“Only because it means I don’t have to see you anymore,” you retort pointedly, grabbing your backpack from where it sits on his couch as you head towards the door. 

“Just you wait, Y/N,” Jungkook says as you leave Taehyung’s building, one of those old-timey Victorian houses that was converted into a whole bunch of apartments. “You’re gonna see that I’m right.”

“Really? About what?”

“About us,” Jungkook says. You come to the stoplight, where Jungkook keeps going straight and you turn right. 

“Us?”

Jungkook grins as you turn in the direction of your own apartment. And, just as the light turns green, he says, “Just you wait. We’re gonna fall in love, you and me.”

If he says so. 

“Hey! Y/N!”

You whip your head around at the sound of your name just as you’re opening the door to your local Starbucks, wondering who the hell is calling out to you at nine-thirty in the morning on a Wednesday. 

As it turns out, you don’t have to wonder too much, because the moment your eyes adjust to the blinding sunlight coming from the east side of campus you see Jungkook hurtling towards you, heavy black boots stomping down on the pavement as he rushes to catch up with you. 

“Can I help you?” You ask, thoroughly unimpressed, as you pull open the door, looking at Jungkook heaving beside you as he holds the door open for himself. 

“Just glad I caught you,” Jungkook gasps out between breaths. “Figured this might make a good scene for the movie.”

“It’s a mockumentary,” you remind him easily, getting in the line. 

“Whatever,” Jungkook says. “What do you normally get here? I don’t really go to Starbucks often.”

“Whatever will give me the most caffeine for the least amount of money,” you retort. 

“How efficient,” Jungkook comments. 

“You know that’s how I like to be,” you tell him with a pointed look. 

Jungkook mumbles his acknowledgement as he fumbles around in his backpack, fishing through the large pocket until he whips out his Canon, holding it out in front of him like he’s a dad about to film an embarrassing shot of his child. You look down at the camera just as he pans up to you, a confused frown written across your features. Jungkook laughs. 

“Do you really need to do that here?”

“I’m not even filming,” Jungkook says with a smile, like he just pulled his camera out so he could look at your unimpressed face through a different lens. “Look, you’re up.”

You turn around to find that the woman ahead of you in line has just moved towards the pick-up side of the counter, so you shimmy over towards the barista, ready to get this over with so you can dart out of the Starbucks as soon as possible. 

“Just a grande Americano, please,” you request simply, fingers grasping for the wallet inside your coat pocket. 

“Me too,” Jungkook chirps up from behind you. The closeness of his voice makes you jump, and suddenly you become keenly cognizant of how he’s practically pressed up next to you as he leans over towards the counter. You catch a glimpse of the debit card in his hand. “Here.”

“You don’t have to pay for me, it’s fine,” you quickly say, holding out your own card to the barista. 

“No, it’s okay, I want to. Here.” Jungkook pushes your hand away as he tries to stuff his card into the reader. 

“No, I won’t let you. I’m a big girl, I can pay for my own coffee,” you rebuke, feeling yourself growing oddly defensive. 

Jungkook sighs from behind you. “Oh, come on, you can’t let me do one nice thing for you?”

“Will one of you please pay, you’re holding up the line,” the barista asks in a desperate tone, clearly too overworked and too underpaid to be dealing with two bratty college students like yourselves. 

Jungkook manages to shove his card into the reader before you get the chance to do it yourself, pushing you to the side as he verifies all of his information and takes his receipt. Next to him, you seethe to yourself, feeling a personal loss even though you just got your coffee paid for. It’s not about the money. It’s about your pride. Never in your life have you wanted to so badly pay for an overpriced Starbucks coffee. 

You and Jungkook mosey over to the other side of the counter, waiting for your identical drinks to be made as you try and calculate how much longer you have to stand in the same room and breathe the same air as Jungkook. Seeing him in class, on your discussion board posts, and for your arranged final project meetings apparently isn’t enough, so now he has to invade your personal life, too. 

“What are you doing?” You huff out angrily, turning to Jungkook even as he holds his camera out in front of him, filming the Starbucks. 

“Recording our first meeting, obviously,” Jungkook says like it’s some kind of no-brainer. Like you were in on that from the moment he called your name out on the street. 

“What do you mean, ‘our first meeting’?” You scrunch up your nose in confusion. “We’ve known each other since the semester started.”

“I know, but…” Jungkook trails off unhelpfully, but you pick up what he’s putting down regardless. Right. This is supposed to be a mockumentary rom-com. And rom-coms always start with an introduction. 

The barista behind the counter calls out Jungkook’s name as he places two same-sized cups down at the pick-up station. The cup is burning hot, even with the little cardboard holder wrapped around it like a leg warmer, so you immediately move over to the station up against the wall with all of the sugar packets and napkins and little green splash sticks. Jungkook joins you without question, whether it be due to the fact that he doesn’t come here very often or because he just wants to keep invading your space, you couldn’t say. Grabbing one of the wooden sticks, you tug the plastic lid off of the cup and give the coffee a swirl. Watching you, Jungkook takes the lid off of his as well. 

“Are you just going to copy everything I do?” You deadpan. 

“Not everything…” Jungkook trails off suspiciously, looking down into his coffee like the two of them are conspiring something. 

“What are you talki—”

Without warning, Jungkook slams half of his body into you, and without a lid or one of those little green sticks, the coffee sploshes over the side of his cup and drenches the front of your exposed hoodie, hot liquid burning through the fabric of the hoodie and the t-shirt you have on underneath. You watch in horror as Jungkook plays it off like an accident, feet fumbling around on the hardwood floor like he had just tripped. But he didn’t just trip. He dumped half of his Americano onto the both of your fronts. 

“Jungkook!” You say instantly, resisting the urge to scream because you’re in a public place but feeling your skin go as hot as the coffee against your torso as you look up at him, fuming. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I’m such a klutz,” Jungkook says, somehow able to regain his balance, hold his coffee cup, and film the whole adventure all at the same time. “That was totally my fault, let me help you with that.” 

The camera is from his perspective, which you suppose is about as real as it gets for something grounded in reality like a mockumentary, but in this position he’s able to make conversation with his eyes, big brown ones wide as he tries to signify what exactly he means when he purposely spills coffee all over the two of you. 

You get it. You’ve seen enough rom-coms to know why he just did what he did, but you still find your mouth agape as you stare up at him, smoldering and angry and a little shocked he would dare be so bold, especially in the middle of a Starbucks coffee shop. 

“For God’s sake,” you say with an exhausted sigh despite it not even being ten in the morning yet. Unable to form any other comprehensible words, you settle for just pulling out napkins from the dispenser and dabbing the front of your hoodie as Jungkook looks at you apologetically. You can’t even tell if he’s truly sorry or just putting on another one of his shows. 

“I feel so bad,” Jungkook says, and you calm yourself down enough to nod. At least he isn’t blatantly laughing. “Can I pay for dry cleaning?”

“You’re really gonna offer to pay for my dry cleaning?” You ask, an eyebrow raised. 

“It was my fault,” Jungkook admits. Now that you can agree on. 

You shake your head. “It’s okay. It’s just an old hoodie, it’s no big deal.”

“I’m still sorry,” Jungkook insists, and the more he says it the more you actually find yourself starting to believe him. Even if he did just spill coffee all over you. “Here, let me give you my jacket—”

“That’s not necessary,” you say as he shrugs off his backpack and begins to remove the bulky denim jacket he’s wearing, fabric worn and soft from years of use. “Seriously, it’s okay, it’s just a hoodie.”

“Yeah, but now you have coffee all over your clothes and you probably have class soon, right?” He says, an apologetic smile lacing his lips. He tugs off his jacket and holds it out towards you. 

“Jungkook, I’m fine, alright? I appreciate your concern, though,” you assure him. You throw away the last of the coffee-stained napkins in your hands and reach down for your backpack, which you had taken off your shoulders somewhere in the chaos. 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, almost as if he was expecting resistance, and leans over you anyway. His arms extend outwards as he wraps his enormous denim jacket over your shoulders, the fabric draping loosely over your body. The damn thing was big on him, so on you it practically eats you up. You stand there, silent, as Jungkook adjusts the jacket on your torso, pulling underneath the hood of your sweatshirt as he makes sure it’s snug across your figure. 

“There,” Jungkook says. 

“Thanks,” you say, a half grin playing on your lips. The gesture makes you wonder if Jungkook really was planning on giving up his jacket this early in the morning for the sake of your movie. “That’s nice of you.”

“I hope it makes up for the fact that you smell like coffee now,” Jungkook says, a hand coming up to rub at the nape of his neck. 

“I appreciate it,” you say. 

“I have class, too, so I have to go,” Jungkook says, hoisting his backpack on his shoulders as he tucks his camera away. “I’m sorry again! See you around?”

Like you even have a choice. 

“Yeah, see you around,” you say as Jungkook darts off just as quickly as he arrived, rushing out the door before you have the chance to change your mind and give him his jacket back. 

When he leaves you, you find yourself at a loss for words. You stand there, lips pursed, coffee cold, as the weight of his jacket rests heavy on your shoulders. 

It smells like him. 

You should have known he would do something like this. Spill coffee all over the two of you, offer you his jacket, dash off like Cinderella at midnight. Like the opening of the world’s worst rom-com. The start of what is no doubt going to be the most unbearable final project you have ever done.

Plus, the other thing it’s ensured is a second meeting. How else is he going to get his jacket back?

And you know what the worst part is?

This is only the beginning.

This time after FILM395 ends lecture for the day, it’s your turn to catch Jungkook lounging around after class. 

He’s lingering around the outside of the building, scrolling through his phone, a heavy leather jacket resting over a flannel that goes down to his knees and a baseball cap sitting firmly on his tuft of blonde hair. He’s obviously not paying attention to any of his surroundings whatsoever, because he doesn’t even notice you exiting out of the door he’s standing by until you say his name. 

“Jungkook,” you say, arriving in front of him. 

“Wha—oh, hi,” Jungkook says, jumping at the suddenness of it all. 

“Here,” you say, holding out his oversized denim jacket in between the two of you. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were going to give it back so soon,” Jungkook says, looking a little surprised and… is he touched? 

“I was going to give it to you a couple days ago but I thought I should give it a wash first,” you admit to him. 

Instinctively, Jungkook brings the jacket up to his nose to sniff it. “Smells like lavender.”

“Yeah, it’s my detergent. Hope you don’t mind. It’s a little wrinkled—I let it air dry since I was worried it might shrink in the dryer.”

“Thanks,” Jungkook says, a genuine smile lacing itself across his features. It’s not one you see too often, and definitely not the kind of smile he usually flashes in your direction. Those are all so obnoxious, so full of himself. This one’s different. It’s appreciative. Kinder. Softer. In a lot of ways. “I was thinking, if you don’t have class now, do you wanna grab some coffee?”

You narrow your eyes. “Only if you promise not to spill it on me this time.”

Jungkook laughs, throwing his head back. “Okay, I got it. I won’t spill it on you.”

“Promise?” You prompt. 

“Promise.”

The walk to Starbucks this time is in relative silence, but neither of you seems to mind it very much. You aren’t dashing to catch up with each other and heaving snarky comments as you catch your breath. Jungkook even notices you shiver in the cool March breeze and wraps his jacket around you again anyway, although this time you make a mental note to make sure he doesn’t leave without it. Even though a lavender scent wafts off of the denim, it still smells a little bit like him. That boyish sort of aroma. You don’t think any detergent would ever be able to get rid of that. 

You and Jungkook both get americanos again because you’re predictable and creatures of habit, and Jungkook actually seems to quite like them. He pays and you don’t spend two minutes standing in front of the barista fighting over it. Jungkook seems so determined to pay the extra four dollars for your drink that you aren’t sure if it’s really worth arguing over it for the sake of pride anymore. What you and Jungkook put into making this project a success is what you’re going to get out of it. 

He picks one of the longer tables in the back of the study space, empty because it’s just after the lunchtime rush and most people have classes now, sets up the camera at one end, and you sit down at the other. 

“So,” you begin, not sure where to start because your coffee is too hot to take a sip from it. 

“So,” Jungkook echoes. 

Silence. 

You purse your lips in that awkward, I-don’t-know-what-to-say kind of way. “What do you want to do?”

Jungkook grins. “This is the part where we get to know each other.” 

“We already know each other.” You frown.

“Do we?” Jungkook poses, an eyebrow raised. “I mean, yeah, I guess we aren’t strangers, but I don’t know anything about you. Other than you’re a film major in a rom-com class who hates rom-coms.”

“I don’t hate rom-coms,” you object. “I just think it’s important to look at them from a critical lens.”

“Okay, whatever,” Jungkook says, shrugging you off. “The point is that we don’t know anything else about each other. Like, what’s your favorite color, for example?”

“Purple.” It’s an easy answer. You wore purple princess dresses when you were five, painted your bedroom lilac when you were ten, and still make sure to keep a purple highlighter in your pencil case now. “What’s yours?”

“Red,” Jungkook responds. 

“Cool,” you say, effectively ending the rest of the conversation.

Jungkook, sensing that same awkward silence, suggests something. “How about you ask me something now? We can go back and forth.”

You shrug. It’s not like you have anything better to do. “Alright.” You think for a moment, but then you have the perfect question. “Why film?”

Jungkook was clearly not expecting something so loaded, because his brows furrow, knitting themselves together as he begins to figure out a good enough answer. “Hmm,” he says, lost deep in thought. “I suppose the standard answer would be that I’ve always been interested in it, but I think I chose film because I want to be able to have the gift to tell other people’s stories. Being a filmmaker doesn’t just mean you stand behind a camera. It means you immerse yourself in the lives of other people to create something new. And… I don’t know. I guess I really like doing that.” 

You nod. 

For once, you understand him. Understand why he chose to major in film, why he chose to be in this tiny little program. Because there is so much out there, so much that you will never know, people you will never meet and things you will never see. And it’s a filmmaker’s job to make them turn into things you will see, people you will meet. Who knows the world better than the people who study it? The people who have devoted their lives to learning all its secrets?

“What about you?”

“Same as you,” you tell him. “Film is an art but it’s more than that to me. It’s a new way to look at the world. It’s several new ways to look at the world, depending on what kind of film you want to create and what kind of story you want to tell. I think it’s important to show people that all of the things they see in the media every day are not always reality. And that real people deserve to have their stories told, too. I don’t know. That’s what I think.”

Jungkook grins, a twinkle in his eyes. “Real people like us?”

“This project is different,” you insist. 

“I don’t think it is,” Jungkook says. “You said it yourself, we’re making this because it’s important to show people that the Hollywood entertainment they consume is not reality. This is. This is reality.”

You frown, kicking yourself in the shin because what was supposed to be a harmless conversation has now turned into an opportunity for Jungkook to try and convince you that you will, in fact, fall in love with him. You’ve dug your own grave and Jungkook was the one who handed you the shovel. 

“You’re not giving up, are you?” You say, shaking your head, flabbergasted. “Reality is the fact that this project is not going to make me fall in love with you. Nothing is.”

“Don’t be so sure about that,” Jungkook warns. “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“You mean like spilling burning hot coffee all over me?” You ask, an eyebrow raised, a grudge still held. 

“We had to start somewhere,” Jungkook defends. “And you seemed to understand what I was doing pretty quickly.”

“It’s not the worst thing someone’s done to me,” you concede, only slightly. “Besides, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but throwing hot coffee all over me is not really a good way to start off your plan to get me to fall in love with you.”

Jungkook smiles. “All in due time, Y/N. All in due time.”

“I can’t believe Pollack actually paired us up together,” you say with a sigh. “You know she did it on purpose.”

“Of course she did.” It’s not really a surprise to either of you. 

“I met with her right after she announced our partners,” you tell him, “she said it was because she wanted to see what kind of project we would come up with. How we would address our… differing views on love.” That’s one way of putting it. A rather nice way, if you do say so yourself.

“Speaking of which,” Jungkook says, something suddenly flashing through his mind, “what do you really think about love? You know, other than it’s unrealistic and ruins people’s lives.”

“You make me sound like Ebeneezer Scrooge.” You frown at him. 

“I’m serious,” insists Jungkook. “Why are you so pessimistic about it? Have you ever been in love? Have you had bad experiences? You couldn’t have just developed this worldview over time.”

You scowl, feeling yourself getting defensive. “Well, maybe I did. Maybe that’s just what I think. Why do you care?”

“Because people don’t just hate love for no reason,” Jungkook exclaims. “Come on, there must be something.”

Your body stiffens. Who is he to be asking you this sort of shit? Why does he care so much? It’s not like it will have any effect on the outcome of your project. Not like you explaining yourself will change the way either of you look at the world. 

“What’s it to you?” You challenge. “Why do you love love so much? Have you ever fallen in love? Do you think it’s suddenly going to solve all of your problems?”

“I love it because I think it brings people real joy,” Jungkook answers simply. “It makes people happy and it’s beautiful. I love love and I’m not ashamed to say that out loud. I believe in it. I believe in love, and in destiny, and in soulmates. I want that. I think everyone deserves it.”

 You scoff to yourself. “You believe in soulmates?”

“I think we all have our people out there.” Jungkook nods. “Don’t you?”

You roll your eyes, arms crossed over your chest. This conversation has gone nowhere, and Jungkook looks as equally dissatisfied as you do. 

“I think love can make us do stupid things,” you tell him succinctly, if a little jaded. No need to say anything else. Your explanation is right there. “We’re just different, I guess. You and I.”

Jungkook blinks at you, eyes wide and a little desperate. Your conversation has remained stagnant and there’s almost nothing left to say. 

Almost. 

“Don’t you ever want to fall in love?” He asks, like it’s a last-ditch effort to get you to believe. 

You freeze. Let the words sink in for a moment. Before you push them out the door and toss them into the garbage. Just thinking about it gives you a headache. Puts a sour taste in your mouth. 

Quickly, you push yourself out of your chair and stand up, grabbing your coffee with one hand and your backpack with the other. “I have to go, sorry. I just remembered I’m meeting up with a friend to help her with a photography shoot,” you fumble out quickly, the legs of the chair screeching as you scoot them across the hardwood floor. “Oh, here’s your jacket, too. Thanks for giving it to me again. I’ll see you in class.”

You whip around and head towards the exit, and only when you’re outside of the Starbucks and passing by the window do you dare look back. Do you dare let your gaze drift back to Jungkook, who is sitting there like he still doesn’t understand you. Still can’t. 

You and Jungkook are final project partners and maybe, if you’re pushing it, acquaintances-slash-friends. But there are just some things better kept to yourself. 

We’re reaching the halfway point in this semester and, as you all know, I don’t do midterms. That said, I still want you to reflect on what you’ve learned, discovered, and thought about thus far in this class. What portrayal of love did you find the most realistic? The least? How have they changed the way you think about love, both from a personal and a film perspective?

Y/N Y/N on March 3rd at 6:08PM

Purely from a film perspective, I really did enjoy watching Juno. It was funny and raunchy and just the right amount of vulnerable. It certainly felt the most real. So far, no film in this class has topped it for me. 500 Days of Summer, on the other hand, was in my opinion extremely unsatisfying and left no positive impression. The ending was a bore and Tom had absolutely no spine. It was a shame, because the direction and production was actually quite good. 

I guess I’m starting to realize how real love is not pretty. It can make people just as sad as it can make them happy. Why don’t we show the sad sides of love, too? The sides where your room is covered with a pile of clothes because you can’t bring yourself to do the laundry? Where you cannot cook a meal because it reminds you of a breakup? Rom-coms are, obviously, not the most realistic. But why are there not more films that do cover what’s real? How can we love love if all we know is a lie?

Jeon Jungkook on March 3rd at 11:13PM

Of course, I thought The Big Sick did an excellent job of their portrayal of love, adult life, and the problems that plague us all in the twenty-first century. It was also just as emotional and touched on concepts of race, illness, and being in your twenties and having no idea what direction your life is going in. The Princess Bride, on the other hand, as much as I love it, I do think created a more circumstantial kind of love. Westley and Buttercup mostly fall in love because of their situations. But it remains a classic nonetheless. 

I’m satisfied with the way the film industry has produced rom-coms and handles love. The beauty of it is that love is different for every person who goes through it. It can bring the greatest joy and the most painful sorrow. We do not just figure out what love is by what we see on film. We see it in our real lives, in our parents, in our friends, in couples in coffee shops and cars and on sidewalks. We can love love because we want that joy for ourselves. Because we know that true love will be worth any heartbreak we endure. Is it not impossible for the portrayals of love in these rom-coms to not be real? The way everyone experiences it is different. The only way you can know what real love is, and what it is not, is if you fall in love yourself. 

Early on in your project development, you and Jungkook exchanged class schedules to optimize your productivity and skip over that stupid, terrible part of partner projects where you’re just going back and forth trying to pick a time that works for the both of you until you eventually settle on something ridiculous like eleven o’clock at night outside of the McDonald’s two blocks off of campus. 

It’s been working very well. Neither of you have adventurous-enough friends to invite you out on spontaneous picnics and restaurant dates that fuck with your pre-scheduled meeting times, and Jungkook already seems to have mastered the art of screaming your name when he catches you on the sidewalk so that you can film something. 

In fact, you’re actually beginning to wonder why you haven’t done this with all of your long-term partner projects. Send each other your schedules so that you can settle on a time in advance. No muss, no fuss. 

You and Jungkook are supposed to meet up again tonight, after the two of you are finished with all of your classes, to discuss what scenes you should be filming next. Edited down, you’ve already got about ten minutes worth of footage, but it’s mid-March and the project is due at the end of April. So you need to get this show on the road. 

The door slams shut behind you as you exit the business building, your film industry class having just ended a minute ago. You’ve got an hour to kill before your next class, just enough time to dash to the food court in the center of campus and grab something from the Japanese place in the back corner. You might even have time to browse the shelves in the bookstore if you’re fast enough. 

You round the corner to the main pathway through campus when a voice stops you in your tracks. 

“You’re just too good to be true…”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”

It’s not Jungkook. Instead, in the middle of the walkway are the Eighth Notes, one of the fifteen-thousand (you don’t know for sure, but if you had to estimate) acapella groups on campus. They’ve got mic stands and a table set up and everything. Maybe they’re promoting an upcoming show…? 

You almost breeze right by when one of them, the one in the middle of the group, points right at you, a lopsided grin lacing his features. You aren’t one to normally stop in the middle of a crowded footpath, but when, one after another, all six of the boys start pointing at you, you have no choice. 

“You’d be like Heaven to touch…”

“I wanna hold you so much…” 

“At long last, love has arrived…”

“And I thank God I’m alive…”

“You’re just too good to be true…”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”

Their voices are smooth like honey, warm and deep, romancing you through their mics as each one of them suddenly manifests a rose from behind them. Around you, people are starting to stare, gawking at you as they walk by. There’s even a small crowd starting to gather, and you swear you can see some people filming on their phones. The fact that this is happening in the busiest ten minutes of the day, as half the student body is walking from one class to another, isn’t helping. At all. 

The rest of them singing in the background, each one steps out from behind the set of microphones to hand you the rose, smiling their classic, old-timey smiles like those old jazz singers from the 1960s, until you’ve got half a dozen in your hands as they continue to sing. 

“But if you feel like I feel…”

“Please let me know that it’s real…”

“You’re just too good to be true…”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”

And then, suddenly, all of them are shutting their traps and turning to the left, looking down the pathway as the song begins again, but from one-hundred feet away. 

“I love you, baby, and if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night…”

Your mouth drops. At the other end of the walkway is Jungkook, one of those wireless microphones in his hand, grinning as he saunters down the path like a prince at a ball, voice sweet and thick as the words dance off of his lips. 

“I love you, baby, trust in me when I say…”

Your eyes lock from opposite ends of the path, Jungkook stepping closer with every beat the Eighth Notes gives him. It sort of feels like your impending doom and a wedding proposal, all at once. By now a rather substantial audience has gathered, lining the walkway with their phones out, filming Jungkook as he waltzes past them, occasionally turning to capture your gobsmacked expression. 

Every step that Jungkook takes makes your heart race something fierce, cheeks warming in embarrassment, trapped in your least favorite thing in the entire world: a public serenade. You can’t really do anything except look at him in shock, feeling his steady gaze resting firmly on your figure, looking right at you. Into you. 

“Oh, pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray…”

Oh, pretty baby, now that I’ve found you, stay…”

Jungkook, on the other hand, is clearly relishing in this. In the spotlight. In the music. Or maybe just in the fact that you’re on the receiving end of his over-the-top advances. His grin is wide as he takes those last few steps, microphone gripped neatly in his hand, the lyrics warm and weighty as they tumble from his lips. 

“And let me love you, baby…”

One final step and he’s right in front of you, staring into your eyes, letting himself bask in the look on your face. He produces a rose himself—cherry red, like his favorite color—and holds it out in between the two of you. In the background, the Eighth Notes go quiet, leaving Jungkook on his own for the final line. 

“Let me love you…”

The words drift above your heads, disappearing into the sky as he lingers on them, on that last note, beaming down at you. He looks at you, so hopeful, so happy, so endeared, and what else can you do? What else, besides taking the rose from his hand and smiling back up at him? Who are you to deny him of that?

The crowd around you cheers when you do, applauding both Jungkook and the Eighth Notes, with whom he is apparently in cahoots, before they all decide that they ought to get on with their day and head to class. No doubt you’ll be on several dozen Instagram stories by nightfall. 

Only after everyone has dispersed do you notice Taehyung, who must have been here since the beginning, because he’s just turning off the camera dangling from his neck. Of course Jungkook got him to film. Other than your project, what else would this be for?

“Is that the best you can do, Jungkook?” You smirk up at him, only saying this because you can’t have him knowing that you actually kind of enjoyed it. 

“You’re still here, aren’t you?” Jungkook responds easily. “Thought I would do something spontaneous.”

“And now you’ve taken up ten minutes of my lunch,” you say, shaking your head to yourself. “How spontaneous, indeed.”

“How was that, Jungkook?”

Behind the two of you, the Eighth Notes are packing up, clearly more than happy to have aided Jungkook on his quest for so-called love and getting to promote their group in the process. 

“Great, thank you so much, Jimin,” Jungkook says to the one in the middle, the very first one to sing when you walked out of the door. 

“Anytime, dude. Glad we could help,” Jimin responds. He waves hi to Taehyung, too, as they store their microphones and go on their way. 

Jungkook bids them goodbye as they head down the path, smiling at all of them before he turns back to you, notices the distant, faraway look in your eyes as you twirl the rose between your fingers, press it to your nose to pick up its scent. 

“You gotta admit, I’m a pretty good singer, eh?” Jungkook says with a nudge to your shoulder. 

“You’re alright.”

Jungkook laughs to himself. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Don’t get a big head,” you warn. 

“Think I’ll have to sing for you more, now, hmm? Since you liked it so much?” He suggests, eyebrows wiggling. 

You roll your eyes. “Only if you can get Jimin and the Eighth Notes to back you up, again. Then maybe I’ll allow it.”

Jungkook grins. He’s far past the point of being deterred by your deadpan comments. If anything, they only encourage him more. But you, for obvious reasons, cannot give in. At least, not yet, anyway. 

“Okay, go eat your lunch,” he says, nodding as you begin to part ways. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

You smile. “Okay. See you.”

“See you, too.”

The moment you get back to your apartment you put all seven roses in an old vase filled with water. They brighten up your bedroom instantly, soft scent freshening up the air. And when you go to bed that night, it is to Jungkook’s sweet, delicate voice, like walking on clouds, like satin and silk, that you fall asleep.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Jungkook greets like always, smiling at you as you walk in the door for FILM395. 

“Good morning, Jungkook,” you say in response. 

Then, you take a seat right next to him. 

It’s an act that clearly catches everyone off guard, if the bewildered looks of your fellow classmates and Jungkook’s confused expression are anything to go by. Even Pollack, when she walks through the door, gets a bit of a shock, eyes widening when she sees the two of you seated next to each other. 

You suppose all the fuss is understandable. After all, you both sort of hate each other. 

Other than the sudden change in seating arrangement, however, the rest of the class goes off without much issue. Pollack lectures for an hour before you move into discussion, at which point it becomes a class participation free-for-all, with you and Jungkook almost definitely in the lead. Just because you’re now sitting next to each other doesn’t mean either of you are suddenly going to stop raising your hands to rebuke each other’s points. Some things never change. 

Sitting next to Jungkook is not as bad as you thought it would be. For one, he is, for the most part, a rather diligent student. Other than his occasional flicks to his email, an essay he’s working on, or your discussion board, he mostly sits and takes notes and doesn’t do anything else. That, you can at least give him credit for. And even though your elbows almost always nearly crash into each other’s when you’re raising your hands to respond to a point Pollack’s made, discussion isn’t so bad either. 

One of the perks of sitting directly beside each other is that whenever he says something stupid, or saccharine, or just overly unrealistic, you don’t have to just roll your eyes from the back of the classroom while you wait to be called on. You also get to kick his foot with your own, nudge your elbow into his side. And he does the same to you. You and Jungkook are like those neighbors in sitcoms that spend all their free time shouting at each other from opposite windows. Just because your seats have gotten closer doesn’t mean your viewpoints have. 

A notification pops up on your laptop.

[March 17th, 11:05AM]

Jungkook: wanna meet at the tables outside after class?

You look over at Jungkook with a frown.

You: Why are you texting me? We’re sitting right next to each other

Jungkook: because we’re in class obvs Jungkook: dont wanna be disruptive

You: Since when has that ever stopped you before?

Jungkook: haha very funny Jungkook: tables sound good?

You: Only since you asked so nicely :)

Jungkook: thoughtful as always i see

After class, you and Jungkook both hang around, waiting for each other to pack up your belongings so you can walk to the tables together. Everyone else seems to sense this weird, uncomfortable tension in the room, because they all book it out of the door much faster than either of you do. You’re almost convinced Jungkook purposely takes extra time to zip his backpack, just because. 

The tables are, as per usual, empty. But you don’t have a pile of receipts to spread out, this time. You and Jungkook take a seat at one of them as you pull out your laptops, ready to outline the rest of the project. 

“We should probably meet with Taehyung a couple more times, too,” you suggest as you begin to brainstorm. 

“Sounds good,” Jungkook agrees. “But we can’t meet at night on weekdays anymore. My dance group’s show is coming up and we have practice then.”

You stop typing and turn to him. “I didn’t know you were in a dance group.”

Jungkook shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “I don’t really talk about it that much.”

“You should.”

He looks up at you at that, eyes wide as he faces you. 

“I don’t know, it seems like something you should be passionate about,” you say. In the same way that you promote the Film Club to every freshman you know, force all your friends to mark that they’re Interested in your event pages on Facebook. Jungkook should want to tell everyone about his dance group. Doesn’t he love it? Isn’t he proud to be in it?

Jungkook doesn’t look like he knows what to say to that. So he doesn’t say anything at all. 

“We can meet on weekends too,” you say, adjusting to his new change of schedule easily. “This project isn’t as all-consuming as I thought it would be.”

“You mean I’m not as all-consuming as you thought I would be,” Jungkook corrects. 

You shake your head. “No, you are.” He laughs. “But yeah, on weekends is fine. You know my schedule. What else should we do, besides talk to Taehyung?”

It’s like a lightbulb goes off above Jungkook’s head. “Let’s go on a date.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “No.”

“What do you mean, “no”? It’s the natural progression of our relationship! It’s the next step in the rom-com! We have to,” Jungkook insists. 

“First of all, it’s a mockumentary, not a rom-com,” you say with a sigh, finding yourself having to correct him rather frequently. “Secondly, we are not in a relationship. I am not dating you and you are not dating me.”

“Okay, but at this point in rom-coms the two leads would definitely go on a date,” Jungkook says, punctuating every word for emphasis. “What’s the harm? It’s not like you’re committing yourself to a future with me.”

“Thank God,” you mutter. 

“Oh, shut up. You probably haven’t been on a date in years, anyway. Why not spend a night out?”

You frown at that. “Who cares if I have or have not been on a date?” Why does Jungkook care so much about the history of your love life? He’s always saying stuff like this, always telling you things as if you’ve never been in a relationship at all, don’t know left from right, black from white. Who is he to be making those assumptions?

“Please, Y/N,” Jungkook begs, looking desperate. “Just one evening. And then if it really goes terribly and you end up hating me again, then we don’t have to do another one.”

You sigh, shoulders slumping. Well, what else are you going to do? You don’t have any other ideas. And you’ve already spent so much time with Jungkook this semester, what’s another evening? Just something else to cross off of your list of things to film. Maybe you can get him to take a cute photo of you to post on social media. 

“Fine,” you concede. “One date. And I still hate you, by the way.”

Jungkook clearly does not believe you. “Really? You still hate me? I’m sure you do.”

“Okay, I don’t hate you. But still,” you relent again. Perhaps you’re just being oddly soft today. Too lenient for your own good. 

Jungkook grins, cheeks little round circles as his lips curve up. “I know you like me. You just can’t admit it to yourself, can you? Can’t take that blow to your dignity.”

“Don’t think so highly of yourself,” you chide. 

“Who knows?” Jungkook tacks on, just to be extra annoying. “Maybe you’re actually starting to fall in love with me.”

You scoff. “You wish.”

“Well, are you?”

Jungkook doesn’t ask the question the same way he’s asked all of the other ones. Doesn’t say it with a shit-eating grin on his face or that glint in his eyes. He’s asking because he’s curious. Curious if what he’s been doing has been working. Curious if this project is really accomplishing anything at all. 

Funnily enough, you find yourself wondering the exact same thing.

Silent, you pausing for a moment to think, chewing on the inside of your lip. Jungkook’s looking back at you, lips curled upwards as he waits for a response. Ugh, you’ll just have to give it up. What else can you say? “I guess…” you begin, hesitating. 

You aren’t sure why you’re so scared to respond. Maybe you’re just worried that things will change if you say something. If you tell him the truth. 

But it’s just Jungkook. He’s sitting in front of you patiently, waiting for your answer. What could happen?

You confess. “I guess you’re not so bad after all.”

Even though this is not the first time you’ve ever been out on a “date” (you’re using that word tentatively), picking out what to wear isn’t any easier than the last time. 

“Is black too, you know, sexy?”

Ruby shrugs on the other end of the video call. Her phone is propped up on her desk as she works on something on her laptop, glancing over every now and then whenever you prompt her to respond. “Well, that depends. Do you wanna fuck?”

“No.”

“Then it might be too sexy,” Ruby says easily. “What are you even doing? I thought you didn’t go out on dates.”

“It’s not a date,” you insist, although you’re not exactly sure which of the two of you you’re trying to convince. 

“You’re asking me what kind of sexy dress to wear for a night out with a guy. It’s a date,” Ruby reminds you, economical as always. “Who are you even going out with, anyway? You just called and asked me to pick between two dresses I have literally never seen you wear before.”

“That’s because I don’t go out on dates, which this is not,” you tell her, even expending the energy to stare into the camera to hammer your point home. “And it’s with Jungkook.”

Ruby shuts her laptop at that. You can hear the sound of her keyboard clacking as the lid hits them. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Do I need to remind you that this is not a date and therefore, you don’t need to be acting like I just told you I’m getting married.” You frown at her. “It’s just for our movie. Jungkook wants me to dress nicely, though.”

“Wear that nice summer dress you have,” Ruby instructs instead, shooing away the two much sexier options you’re currently holding in your hands. “Just put tights on underneath if you’re cold.”

“This one?” You ask, shuffling through your closet until you produce the gingham dress, plaid a pale yellow that matches gold jewelry rather well. 

“Yes, that one. I like that one,” Ruby says with a nod. “You look good in it.”

“I don’t know, I feel like it’s not appropriate.” You hesitate. It’s a cute dress, sure, but it seems too… casual. Too everyday. Jungkook’s taking you out to dinner, and no doubt he’s got something else planned for the rest of the evening. 

“I mean, you did say you had no plans on fucking him tonight,” Ruby reminds you coarsely. 

“I have no plans on fucking him at all,” you reiterate. “This is not a date. It is for our movie.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ruby brushes you off with a wave of her hand. “Wear whatever you want, but I like your yellow dress the most. It looks really nice on you. And if it’s not a date, then neither you nor Jungkook should care.”

“Ruby—”

“I gotta go. Enjoy your not-date!”

She hangs up. 

You end up wearing the yellow dress. Jungkook knocks on your apartment door just as you’re closing the clasp to your necklace, a gold choker your mother had gifted you for a birthday a couple of years ago. It’s nothing much. You grab a jacket on your way to answer the door, wrapping it around your figure as you twist the knob. 

On the other side is Jungkook, all decked out in black jeans and a clean-cut leather jacket, the black ensemble striking against his warm-toned skin and bleached, blonde hair. You hate to admit it, but he actually does look rather good. For Jeon Jungkook. 

“Hi—whoa,” Jungkook says, doing a little whistle when he sees you, eyes bulging out of their sockets. 

You chuckle. “‘Whoa’ yourself.”

“You, uh…” Jungkook stammers slightly, a hand coming up to rub at the nape of his neck. The movement lifts his arm up just enough for you to see the line of his waist, the seamlessness of his body. He’s always been rather fit. “You look nice.”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” you chide, stepping outside and pulling the door shut behind you. “You don’t look half bad yourself.”

“Cleaned up just for you.” He grins. 

You press a hand to your heart dramatically. “I’m touched.” You begin walking down the hallway of your small apartment building, feeling your hands brushing by your sides due to how skinny the corridor is. At least, that’s what you assume. 

“Where are we going?” You ask as Jungkook opens the door to the passenger side of his car for you. 

He winks, that same gleam in his eye. He grins something wicked. “Don’t you remember?” He asks. “It’s a secret.”

The secret turns out to be a small Italian restaurant on an off-road in the center of town, a family joint with those plaid red tablecloths and dark wooden chairs. You’d never heard of the place before tonight, but Jungkook insists that it’s delicious and says it has a four-and-a-half star rating on Yelp, which is obviously gospel when it comes to restaurants. It’s so empty that he even has room to prop up the camera a couple of tables away to get that wide-angle shot of the both of you, two souls in a tiny little restaurant, enjoying a night out on the town. You’re sure that by the time production and post-production rolls around you’ll edit out most of your dialogue, but you like the idea of keeping in snippets of the audio, overlaying the scene with a soft instrumental. 

From a director’s point of view, of course. No other reason to romanticize your night with him. 

It’s nice. Objectively, it’s definitely one of the more exciting things you’ve done in a while, even if it’s just a dinner out in town, away from campus. It’s new. Adventurous. Jungkook convinces you to try his vodka shrimp linguine and you offer up some of your truffle-flavored gnocchi, which he devours happily. One thing you do learn is that no matter how much time passes, no matter how much food is on his plate, Jungkook eats and eats and eats. He never seems to fill up. This is one of those restaurants that pile your bowls high with pasta, give you at least three servings, send you home with to-go packages that will last you for days, and he still somehow manages to eat every last bite. He even has some of your leftovers. 

Jungkook pays because he insists and says that you shouldn’t fight on camera, which you have no choice but to agree to. However, you do look him up on Venmo and send him twenty dollars to cover your half of the bill, because the idea of him paying for you doesn’t sit right with you. It was fine with the coffee, a small token of repayment after spilling it all over you, but dinner just feels like too much. Like he’s carrying most of the weight and you aren’t shouldering enough. Like he’s putting in all of the effort and you are just bandwagoning off of him. 

And partnerships aren’t supposed to be like that. Jungkook isn’t supposed to do all of the work. You aren’t supposed to do nothing. You and Jungkook may not agree on much but you both know that you are equals. That what you put in is what you get out. 

It’s a lesson you think you learned too late, but you won’t make those mistakes again. You’ll get it right this time. 

“That was nice,” Jungkook says after the dinner. You’re walking through the park just across the street now, the sun having set and the streetlamps illuminating your path. The city has strung up lights along the trees, draped them over the branches like stars, like snowflakes. It’s picturesque. 

“Yeah.” You nod. “Thanks for taking me.”

“Thanks for coming.”

“How did you discover that place?” You ask, just out of curiosity. It’s not exactly the kind of restaurant that would be front and center on Google. 

“I went out on a date in freshman year there,” Jungkook admits, lips pursed awkwardly. “Yeah.”

“Did it at least go well?” You ask, trying to be hopeful. 

“If it did, do you think I’d still be here doing this with you?” Jungkook poses, an eyebrow raised. 

You chuckle to yourself. “You don’t mean that. I’m sure you’ll find your person.”

“You actually believe in that stuff now?” Jungkook asks you, skeptical. 

“I don’t know,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “You do. I don’t wanna ruin it for you. Your person’s out there somewhere.”

“How do you know I haven’t already found my person?”

You stop in the middle of the path, feet coming to a halt on the pavement. Jungkook looks at you and you look back at him, letting his question sink into your skin, etch itself into your thoughts. He’s asking you because he wants to know. He looks so genuine, so patient, like he’s trying to find an answer somewhere in your eyes but you can’t give him one. 

“Wouldn’t you be able to tell when you did?”

Jungkook sighs. “I don’t know if it always works like that.”

You smile, soft and small. Musing, you say, “well, when you figure it out, let me know.”

“Do you think you’ve found your person?” Jungkook asks you. 

“You know I don’t think about love like that,” you remind him. 

“Well, how do you think about it?”

You gaze up at him once more, that same soft smile playing on your lips. Who is he to be asking you these questions, you wonder to yourself. What would the point be in answering him? It’s better if you just both moved on. Especially since stuff like this has no relevance to your project. 

“I don’t really think about love at all,” you say curtly. 

“I wish you did,” admits Jungkook. 

The look in your eyes is distant. “Yeah.” You wish you did, too.

“How about we do a couple of quick shots, right here?” Jungkook suggests, pulling out the camera. “Just here, the lighting’s nice.” He jogs back a couple of feet, lining himself up with where you stand, kneeling on the pavement with the camera held up to his eye. 

“What do you want me to do?” You call to him, feeling like a fish out of water in front of the lens, thumbs twiddling. 

“Just smile,” Jungkook requests simply. “Say hi to me.”

Sounds easy enough. Under the twinkling lights of the trees, in the haze of their warm yellow glow, you wave to Jungkook, smiling happily. You aren’t exactly sure what the purpose of these shots are, but you suppose you could always use some artistic frames in your movie. Grinning, you keep your eyes trained on him, on the way you can see him smiling back at you even from behind the camera. His eyes are covered, you can’t see those, but you hope they’re smiling too. 

“Okay, my turn,” you say when a little too much time has passed, when it’s just past the point of filming for the sake of a movie and more for the sake of something else. “Get over here.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you idiot.” You scurry over to Jungkook, taking the camera from his hands and pushing in in the general direction of where you were just standing. Situating yourself, you kneel right where Jungkook was, bringing the camera to your eyes. 

Through the lens, you can see the entire width of the pathway, the grass that borders it, the lights decorating the branches of the trees, and Jungkook, front and center. He looks like he has no idea what he’s doing there, waiting awkwardly as he gazes around, eyes drifting everywhere but exactly where you need them: you. He looks good like this, looks much taller, much more romantic. Like a real movie star. Like a model. His clothes make him blend in with the darkness of the night but his eyes are still shimmering, golden flecks twinkling, even from all the way over here. 

You have to admit it. He’s beautiful.

“Smile,” you say, pressing film. 

Jungkook grins your way. 

Afterwards, you give him his camera back and continue walking, turning the corner as you reach the edge of the park, ready to circle around the perimeter.

“How about we hold hands, too?”

“Excuse you?” You say, an eyebrow raised. 

“Come on, just for a second,” Jungkook pleads. “For the artistry. I’ll film us holding hands like all those Los Angeles boys do in YouTube vlogs.”

You look at him suspiciously. Is he sure it’s just for the artistry? “What a great example.”

“Please? Promise I always put hand cream on,” Jungkook asks, bottom lip turned outwards. 

It’s getting harder and harder to say no to him. 

“Fine,” you cave rather easily this time around. “Just for a minute.”

“Excellent.”

Jungkook lifts the camera up to his eye with his right hand as he holds out his left, palm facing the sky as he waits for you to rest your own in his. You narrow your eyes to the camera before your gaze drifts downwards to his open hand, almost like you’re afraid it’s going to jump out and bite at you if you get any closer. But it won’t, because it’s a hand. And it won’t, because it’s just Jungkook. 

The first thing you realize when your fingers intertwine with his is how big his hands are. They are massive. His left one dwarfs your own, wrapping around it securely, enveloping it like a king-sized comforter. The second thing you realize is how soft they are (he must not have been lying about the hand cream). The third thing you realize is the way they send sparks up and down your body, send tingles through your skin, shocks through your veins. You seize up a little bit at the feeling before your body finds it in itself to relax, letting the sensation wash over you like a wave from the ocean. 

It’s new. 

It’s strange. 

You haven’t felt that way in a long time. Felt those sparks, those jolts of energy. Like lightning has struck. 

Jungkook moves so that your hands are held out in front of you, making sure to adjust the lens just so he can get the exact right angle, but all you can focus on is the way your fingers interlock, the way your hand settles into his. 

You wonder what that means. 

The moment Jungkook lowers the camera you pull your hand away, overwhelmed and scared and shocked all at once. Like you’re afraid that if you reach out to him again, your whole body will freeze in place, shake like the wind. 

Jungkook looks at you, concern lacing his features. “You alright?” He asks, genuine and worried. 

You shake your head, willing those thoughts away. “I’m fine, I’m fine. You get the shot?”

“Yeah, I did,” Jungkook says. 

“And how do they look?” You ask because you can’t help yourself. Because you just have to know. 

Jungkook pauses, not sure how to respond. He chews on his lips like he’s running through all the possible answers, trying to figure out which one is right. You almost think he’s not going to reply at all, but then he smiles, and he says this: 

“Magical.”

It feels weird for you to be arriving at Kim Taehyung’s door without Jungkook by your side. Doesn’t sit right in your stomach. 

Of course, Taehyung is as hospitable as always, welcoming you inside with his signature warm grin as he sets up the bar stools by the bedsheet, which you assume he will just not take down until your project’s over. Hopefully he’s getting use out of it otherwise, shooting nudes or whatever it is he said he would do. 

“Thanks for having me,” you say, resting your backpack against the foot of his couch as you set up the tripod, arranging it in just the right spot. It’s not Jungkook’s fancy camera that you’ve got with you, just your own from a couple years ago, but it’ll get the job done. You couldn’t ask Jungkook to borrow his, anyway. You’d pass away before he found out you did this. 

“We might not use this footage,” you warn in advance. “I just figured it’s safer to film everything just in case.”

“Why wouldn’t you use it?” Taehyung asks, genuinely curious. 

“Because I don’t know if this conversation will really have a point,” you say nervously, fingers fidgeting with the settings until everything’s just right. 

“I’m sure it’ll be important,” Taehyung assures you. You’re not so confident. “Ready to get started?”

“Yes, everything’s all set up,” you say, concentrating on your breathing as you make your way to the stool. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Why are you so worried?

“So, Y/N, how are you feeling right now?” Taehyung begins. 

You sigh. “Confused.”

“And why is that?”

“I… I don’t really know what direction I’m going in anymore for this project,” you say, letting yourself be candid and honest because it’s just Taehyung, and because you may not even use this footage, and because Jungkook’s not here. He doesn’t know you’ve asked Taehyung to do this for you. He doesn’t need to. 

“And is this because of Jungkook?”

“Yes.” Another easy answer. 

“How are you feeling about him?”

“I’m…” you don’t know where to begin. “I’m not sure. I just know that something’s changed.”

“Your feelings have changed?” Taehyung isn’t reacting, just asking questions in response to your answers and pretending that everything is normal, that this is just another interview. 

“I guess they have,” you admit. Even just saying that feels like a weight off your chest. A small one, five pounds out of a thousand. But it’s a difference. “I… don’t really know how I feel about him anymore.”

“In a good or bad way?”

Taehyung told you he would ask tough questions, but you don’t know if you can answer these anymore. 

“I don’t know,” you say, feeling yourself growing desperate with impatience. “I don’t feel the same things about him that I used to. He’s different to me now.”

“Do you think he’s changed?”

“Something has.”

“Have you considered the possibility that maybe you’ve changed, too?”

You frown, caught off-guard by his question. No, you haven’t. You haven’t thought about that at all. Why would you? Your stance is the same. Your opinions on love haven’t changed. And neither have your convictions about this project, about the way it will end. 

“No,” you say, nose scrunched up. 

“Well, I’m no expert, but I think there might be something between the two of you that wasn’t there before,” Taehyung says, nodding. “I think that the ways the two of you have changed have brought you together.”

“I don’t know about that…” You trail off. You can feel yourself growing hesitant again, pulling back from saying too much because you’ve never been a very good speaker. Because you’ve always preferred being behind the camera to being in front of it. 

“Don’t you think you should tell him how you feel?”

You scoff. At least that’s got an easy answer. A no-brainer. “No,” you say matter-of-factly, obvious because it is, stern because telling him was never an option anyway. Why else does Taehyung think you’re here without him? “Jungkook said he would get me to fall in love with him and I told him I would never. How could I ever let him think he was actually winning?”

Taehyung sighs.

You haven’t seen Jungkook since your class on Wednesday. Granted, it’s only Saturday, but it feels like it’s been a weirdly long time. Like you’re so used to him barging into your life on the daily that there’s something off about even going three days without seeing him. Maybe it’s just because you’re nearing the beginning of April and your project is finally picking up steam. Between the two of you, you almost definitely have more than two hour’s worth of footage, but the hard part will be paring it down and turning it into a forty-five minute documentary. No doubt you and Jungkook will be spending a lot of time together the week before it’s due. 

Just out of curiosity, you text him. Because you have no idea what he’s been getting up to. 

[March 28th, 1:05PM]

You: Hey, do you think we need to get together sometime this weekend?

Jungkook: i don’t think i can Jungkook: it’s my dance group’s show this weekend

You: Really? You: You didn’t tell me

Jungkook: been too busy

You: What time is your show tonight?

Jungkook: 7pm

You: Sounds good, I’ll be there

Jungkook: oh Jungkook: you don’t have to

You: I want to You: I’ll see you there!

That night, you drop by the grocery store beforehand to pick up a bouquet of flowers. You haven’t been a performing arts show for years now, especially not one where you actually know the people performing, but flowers are customary. Or so you’ve heard. 

You don’t know a single soul who has plans on seeing Jungkook’s dance group either, but the theater is a ten-minute walk away from campus and you’re happy to make the trek alone, especially because you know you’ll find someone you know soon enough. Sometimes it’s nice to walk by yourself, letting the streetlamps above your head illuminate your path, a faceless figure passing by others. It brings peace. And it gives you time to sift through your thoughts, organize them into neat little piles and brush away all of the dust. 

Admittedly, you are not much of a connoisseur of the performing arts. You aren’t even much of a consumer. In another universe, under different circumstances, you wouldn’t blink twice if you heard that one of the dance groups on campus was having their show. But this is not another universe, and these are not different circumstances. 

Jungkook will be there. He is taking something he’s worked tirelessly on and presenting it to the world. Now that you think about it, it’s actually a lot like film. And if Jungkook has devoted so much time, put so much energy into this performance, what kind of person would you be if you didn’t go and watch his creation?

You pick a seat in the far back corner, the venue so cozy that even despite being the furthest away you’ve still got an excellent view, sit down, and wait for it to begin. 

[March 28th, 6:58PM]

Jungkook: hey are you here?

You: I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?

Jungkook: always such a tease

You roll your eyes at that, turning your phone off and stowing it away in your pocket. Two minutes later, the lights dim. 

The moment Jungkook steps out onto the stage, you recognize him instantly. He’s wearing all black again, but it’s not the same skinny jeans and leather jacket he had on when he took you out to dinner. It’s a loose long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants that hang low on his hips, highlighting the blondeness of his hair, the red in his lips. He’s one of at least a dozen people on stage but he’s the only one you focus on, the only one who your eyes follow. Booming throughout the theater is a Drake song, the beat thick and low, but it’s background noise when compared to the way he moves, the way he twists and turns his body on stage, angles sharp and crisp. 

The whole song goes by so quickly that by the time you find it in yourself to blink the stage is already darkening as they move onto the next song, switching out the performers and changing the spotlight colors to a sultry red. Jungkook disappears for this one, vanishing behind the curtains and forcing you to pay attention to the performance as a whole instead of just him. But you have to hand it to his group: they’re excellent. You’ve been missing out. 

Jungkook returns with the next song, having had just enough time to change into an all-white ensemble. He’s easy to spot even with that ridiculous bucket hat on, blonde hair bouncing with every step he takes, every jerk of his body. You can see it all the way from where you sit, see the way he loses himself in the music, lets the rhythm radiate through his blood, lets his heart match the beat that booms through the speakers. This, all of it, the music, the dancing, the energy—it’s all his. It belongs to him. Jungkook may love film but he is passionate about this. It is something that must bring him all the joy in the world. 

The next hour and a half goes by quickly, the songs jumping from one to another to another, Jungkook dashing on and off stage, each time returning in a different getup than the one prior. Makes you wonder just how many clothes he has. But before you know it the final song is playing and every one, every single member is on stage, jumping and cheering and celebrating a job well done. And they should, because they deserve to. 

When the lights in the theater come on, nobody leaves. Instead, everyone rushes towards the stage to say hello to everybody, congratulate them on their performance and take pictures with their friends. That’s why everyone else is here, isn’t it? Because the people they care about performed tonight. 

Isn’t that why you’re here, too?

Jungkook has plenty of other friends already wrapping their arms around him, giving him high-fives and pats on the back, but you’ve got a bouquet of assorted flowers in your hands and you have no plans on bringing them home. So you squeeze your way through the crowd, push yourself in between bodies, and you shout, 

“Jungkook!”

Jungkook looks up instantly at the call of his name, the round shape of his lips curving upwards into a smile when he sees you. 

“Hey, you made it!” He exclaims happily. He’s so pumped on the adrenaline that he pulls you into a hug without either of you even realizing it, wrapping his arms around your torso and squeezing you tight for a few moments before the two of you remember just exactly who you both are. Quickly, you pull away, chuckling awkwardly. Jungkook scratches at the back of his head. “Thanks for, uh—thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” you say happily. “You were amazing.”

“What can I say, I’m a man of many talents,” Jungkook schmoozes, annoying as always. 

You scoff slightly. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Here, I brought this for you. It’s traditional, right?” You hold out the bouquet in front of you, pink plastic wrapping crunched up from where your fingers gripped the stems. 

“Wow, thank you,” Jungkook says, in awe as he takes the flowers from you, pressing his face into the petals instinctively. “No one’s ever gotten me flowers before.”

“Really?” You say, genuinely surprised at his admission. He’s never been given flowers before? Not even for a performance? You didn’t know that, either. “Then I’m glad to be the first.”

“You know you didn’t have to do that,” Jungkook says, though he looks grateful nonetheless. 

You shrug, acting casual. “Aren’t we supposed to be falling in love, or something?”

He grins. 

“Did you guys film this? Maybe we could incorporate it into the movie,” you suggest, thinking it might be interesting to add in glimpses into your normal lives, into the things you do when you aren’t trying to one-up each other. 

Jungkook shakes his head. “We did, but I don’t think we need to add it in.”

“Why not?” It seems like a perfect addition. 

Jungkook pulls out a single flower from the bouquet, a pale yellow daisy, and hands it to you. You smile your thanks, twirling the stem in between your fingers. 

“I don’t know,” he says, looking oddly soft, cheeks turning cherry red. He looks at you and it makes your heart flutter, quickens the drum of your chest. “I just think I’d like to keep this moment to ourselves.”

You suppose he’s got a point. You don’t think you’ll forget this night, either. 

The bouquet you gave him sits on Jeon Jungkook’s bedroom windowsill, bathing in the afternoon sun. Taehyung gave him some plant food the morning after you came to his performance, a little bottle that he can spritz into the water whenever the flowers look a little droopy. Jungkook adds some every day, determined to keep them alive for as long as possible. He also makes sure he’s got a rather heavy book or two, something he can use to press one of them when they’ve all shriveled up. 

It was really nice of you to come to his show, he thinks to himself. Jungkook can’t remember the last time someone outside of his group of close friends went to see him perform, not any of his past dates or even that one girl he was seeing semi-seriously for a couple months last year until she told him she wasn’t interested in him anymore. You’re the first one who’s made the effort, who’s told him that you would come and kept that promise. The flowers are just a happy reminder. 

As a celebration for completing their last show, Jungkook and some of the other juniors in his dance crew decide to go out the following weekend, determined to waste away their Saturday nights at a bar just off of campus where they can take as many shots of as many different types of alcohols as they want. The place even has soju, which makes Jungkook’s heart happy. 

Despite the temptation to drink until his brain is empty, however, Jungkook holds off. He’s got a lot of work tomorrow, most of it consisting of editing the footage you have for the project, and doesn’t really feel like staring at a computer for eight hours straight with a headache. So he limits himself. For the most part. 

“Who was that girl that came to the show?” One of his friends, Andrew, asks as he downs another shot of what is undoubtedly vodka, if the smell is anything to go by. “With the flowers?”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Jesse pipes up, red in the face from the alcohol in his system. He’s always been one to turn into a tomato after drinking. 

Jungkook chuckles awkwardly, shaking his head when the bartender offers him another shot glass full of soju. “No,” he says, forcing a laugh. “Just a friend.”

“I don’t know, you guys looked pretty close to me,” Andrew points out, like it wasn’t already obvious enough that Jungkook is head over heels for you. 

“She and I are working on a film project together,” Jungkook explains, though that does absolutely nothing to convince his friends of your completely platonic relationship. 

“Sounds fun,” Jesse says, swallowing another shot and wincing. “It was nice of her to bring you flowers. My girlfriend didn’t do that.”

“Shut up, your girlfriend is studying abroad in Paris right now,” Andrew says, giving Jesse a good-natured shove. “I’m gonna tell her you said that.”

“What, please don’t—”

“She’s not my girlfriend, guys,” Jungkook repeats himself, feeling his cheeks heat up the longer the conversation drags on. He chalks it up to the soju in his system and the fact that it feels like a sauna in here. “Seriously, we’re just friends. People can be friends and bring each other flowers.”

Jesse pumps his fist in the air. “Yeah!” He rounds on Andrew. “Where are my flowers, hey Andrew?”

The two of them start bickering as Jungkook laughs, shaking his head fondly. At least he’s not drunk, so he can remember nights like these, ones where he’s drinking with his stupid idiot friends, celebrating a show well done. 

Jungkook stays at the bar until eleven that night before he makes the executive decision to go home and sleep, because as much as he would like to party until three in the morning, he’s got a pile of work that’s telling him to be a real adult. So he bids his friends goodbye and begins to make the trek back to his apartment, passing by the row of frat houses on his way. 

Even though he’s out on the sidewalk, Jungkook can feel the ground rumble from the music, every frat on the block joining together to make some booming, bass monster. From here he can see the flashing blue and purple lights in the windows, see the brothers standing on the steps of each house and turning away whoever they deem unfit to enter. 

In a weird way, it makes Jungkook nostalgic. Reminiscent of when he was a freshman, when he would group up with all of the people in his hall and parade around the frat row on Saturday nights like they owned the place, getting drunk on shitty tequila and jumping until they sweat out their body fluids. He remembers those nights in flashes, bits and pieces that make up his memory of freshman year as a whole. Remembers kissing other girls, other girls kissing him. Remembers the way he would lock lips with them for a second and then forget about it by the next day. 

Jungkook wonders why he ever thought he would meet his soulmate at a frat party. 

He’s just passing the last frat house now, nodding to the guy on the step when they accidentally meet eyes, when he hears you call his name. 

“Jungkook!”

He whips around to see you on the other side of the road, waving at him excitedly while your friends all laugh, sending smiles Jungkook’s way. 

Jungkook isn’t exactly sure what the protocol is for a scenario like this, so he does what he thinks is right and waves back. 

“Come over here!” You shout at him, loosely gesturing for him to join your group. Jungkook is hesitant, not sure if that’s necessarily the best course of action because even from here he can tell that you’re drunk, leaning over to one side and giggling at nothing. But even if he isn’t sure what will happen he can’t help but fall into the way you’re beaming at him, waving excitedly because you saw him on the street and you wanted to say hello.

He’s never been able to resist you. 

“Hey, what are you doing out here?” He says as he jogs over, greeting the rest of your friends with a patient smile. 

“Went out with my friends,” you say. Jungkook can smell the alcohol on your lips. “And then I saw you, which made me happy!”

You stumble over nothing, shoes skipping as they drag along the pavement, and before any of your friends can react Jungkook is reaching his arms out, catching you before you fall flat on your face. Your hands press against his torso as he lifts you back to your feet, and all Jungkook can do is pray that you can’t hear the way his heart races, beat drumming in his ears. You giggle in his hold, disoriented but not at all uneasy, looking up at him as your eyes sparkle in the glow of the streetlamps. 

“Thanks,” you manage to cough out. 

“Sure,” Jungkook says, breathless. He stands you up and tries to let you go, but you keep your hands tight around his wrists. “I think we need to get you home.”

“Can you come with me?” You ask innocently, eyes wide. 

“Y/N…” One of your friends says, voice hesitant. She places a hand on your shoulder, looking concerned. Jungkook doesn’t take any offense to it, he doesn’t know your friends well and imagines that they would much prefer being the ones to drop you back at your place. 

You shrug her off. “No, it’s okay, Ruby,” you assure your friend, hand inching down Jungkook’s wrist until it rests firmly within his palm. “I’ll go with him.”

Ruby eyes Jungkook suspiciously and her gaze is so intense that it actually makes him doubt his ability to walk you home for a moment. But you seem intent on walking with him, and the sooner you go home the better, so Ruby relents and lifts her hand from your shoulder. “Alright, if you want to.” She keeps her eyes trained on Jungkook. “Text me when you’re back.”

“I will, I will,” you say, brushing her off and waving her away. “Let’s go, Jungkook. I’m sleepy.”

“Okay, come on,” he says. You smile happily at your friends as you say goodbye, cheerful and drunk and tired, all at once, and you begin to walk towards your apartment. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” you tell him, positively filter-less. 

“I’m glad I’m here, too,” Jungkook assures you. “What did you have to drink tonight?”

“Not sure,” you admit happily. “Just a lot.”

“I can tell.” Jungkook nods. “Were you at a frat party?”

“Several,” you correct him. “They weren’t that fun but at least the drinks were free.”

“Why were you at a frat party if you don’t like them?” Jungkook asks you, nose scrunched up. You certainly aren’t the kind of person to hide your distaste for things. That is something that Jungkook is intimately familiar with. 

You shrug. “It’s the cheapest place to get drunk.”

“Why did you want to get drunk?” This is seeming more and more out-of-character for you. Going to a place you despise, taking shots until you can’t walk straight, meandering around campus with Jungkook. All of these are things Jungkook could never in a million years picture you doing out of free will. 

Well, all of them except maybe the last one. You did come to his dance show, after all. 

You sigh. It’s thick and heavy and Jungkook has a feeling you won’t want to divulge any more. “I just wanted to forget.”

But the curiosity is eating at him. 

“Forget what?”

Your grip on his hand tightens. Jungkook fully expects you to dodge the question like you’ve dodged all of the ones prior, say something else to change the topic so you can sweep this discussion under the rug like all of the other ones you’ve had. But you don’t. 

Instead, you say, “You wanna know why I don’t love love the way you do?”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jungkook quickly assures you. 

“I had better options than this place,” you say, voice hollow and empty. “There were better universities that accepted me. Ones with higher-ranked film programs and bigger scholarships. I could have gone to any one of them and been just as happy. Maybe more.”

“But you didn’t,” Jungkook clarifies. 

“My ex-boyfriend goes to school ten minutes away from here,” you say, words that are most certainly news to Jungkook. You had a boyfriend? “He and I dated all throughout high school. I thought I was gonna marry him.”

The words sound so sad. It sounds like they don’t even belong to you. Like you’re recalling the memories of a different person, someone you’ve killed and buried, someone you were certain you would never have to face again. Yourself. Your past self. 

“And then he broke up with me at the beginning of last year and it was too late to transfer out.” Your words are slurred and garbled, like all you want is to get over with saying them in the first place. It’s not a dramatic revelation. It’s not something you’re crying about, sobbing into Jungkook’s chest as you remember, miserable, a time where you were once happy. You just sound lifeless. 

Jungkook blinks at you expectantly, waiting for you to continue. It doesn’t feel right for him to speak up. Not when you’ve just revealed to him something so personal, so drunk that you probably won’t even remember saying anything when you wake up tomorrow morning. 

What is he supposed to do with this knowledge? What is he supposed to say? To do? It’s not like Jungkook can change your past. It’s not even as if he can change the near future. Your project is almost finished—the semester is almost over. And then you will return to the time where you never even knew each other. 

“You can say something,” you tell him.

“What do you want me to say?” Jungkook says. 

“Something to make me feel better, because now I’m sad,” you request simply. “Seeing you made me happy.”

“Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and smile, then,” he muses to himself. 

“No, please keep talking,” you plead, leaning into his body with your bottom lip puffed out, eyes big and round and desperate. “Listening to you gets me to stop thinking about this stuff.”

Hearing that, Jungkook says the first thing that comes to mind. And that is, “You don’t have to think about that stuff anymore at all.”

“Hmm?” You murmur into his chest. Jungkook sees your apartment building up ahead. Just another block or so. 

“Well, that was your old love story,” he begins tentatively. Jungkook’s almost fully sober by now but he feels like he won’t ever get another opportunity to say this, and maybe whatever soju is left in his system is enough to get him through this conversation. Enough for him to muster up the confidence to tell you what he’s been wanting to tell you for a while now. 

Even if you forget it by tomorrow. He knows this is his only chance. 

“And it didn’t have a happy ending, but that’s okay. Because ours will.” 

You’re just coming up to your apartment complex, the rusted gold doors of the entrance sticking out against the beige of the building and the sidewalk, shimmering in the light of the streetlamps. You pause right outside, taking cover underneath the red awning above your heads. Looking up at him, you blink expectantly. 

“How do I know you mean that?” You ask. 

He almost does it. 

Jungkook doesn’t really know what washes over him in that moment, what takes his heart and mind prisoner for a split second, grip tight and unforgiving. But he’s staring straight into your watery eyes, glossy and glimmery and glowing, lost in the way you press your lips together, the way you gaze up at him and wait for him to tell you what he’s always wanted to say, and he almost does it. His hands press at your sides, holding you close, like he’s afraid that if he lets you go you’ll vanish without another trace and this night will all have been for naught. 

But he doesn’t. 

He doesn’t for a lot of reasons. You’re drunk. When you wake up tomorrow, you will not remember this conversation. But Jungkook will. And if he does it, if he kisses you, if he presses his lips to yours it will be burned into his thoughts, carved into his heart, and you will be none the wiser. Jungkook can’t do that to himself. And he can’t do that to you, either. He will never take advantage of your company. He never has.

“Because,” Jungkook says instead, having hesitated for far too long. “I promise you.”

It’s good enough for him. 

He tucks you into bed at 12:17AM that night, feet padding along your hardwood floor so he doesn’t wake up your neighbors, guiding you to your bedroom and reminding you to text Ruby that you made it home safely. Jungkook’s never gotten a very good look at your place, and even now it’s hard to make out most things without the main ceiling lights on, but he doesn’t really want to snoop. Even though you invited him in, he still feels like he’s intruding. You’ve always been so private. There were a lot of things said tonight that Jungkook is going to have to reckon with. 

Once you’re curled up beneath your sheets, eyes drooping, Jungkooks turns off the light on your nightstand and nearly, just about nearly, presses his lips to your forehead. He manages to avoid doing that, too. 

Instead, he pulls up your duvet and heads towards the main room, making a beeline for your front door. But before he can leave the room, he hears you mumble out his name. 

“Jungkook?” You call, voice groggy. 

“Yeah?” He looks back at you from where he stands in your door frame, one hand on the knob, ready to pull it closed. 

You smile, eyes fluttering. “Thank you,” you say. 

Jungkook grins. 

The next morning you wake up with a pounding headache and three missed calls from Ruby, which undoubtedly means that something positively terrible happened last night. Unfortunately, you have no idea what happened at all last night, good or terrible, so whatever Ruby has to say will be news to you. 

Rubbing your eyes as you wrack your brain in the hopes of figuring out how you even ended up back at your apartment (when you swear you told Ruby you would stay at hers), you press on Ruby’s contact and call her. 

“Y/N? Hello? Are you there?” Ruby answers on the first ring. 

“I’m here,” you mumble out, words jumped and barely intelligible. You wince as your eyes adjust to the harsh blue light of your phone screen, squinting as you look at the time. 

Shit, it’s 11:43AM and you’re meeting Jungkook for coffee at noon. 

“Good, I called you three times last night after you texted,” Ruby wastes no time diving into her interrogation. 

“Why?” You ask, scrambling out of bed with your phone pressed between your shoulder and your ear. Your head throbs so you quickly take some Ibuprofen, splash your face with water, and start looking for something clean you can put on. 

“Because texting me ‘home’ is not enough!” Ruby exclaims. “Jungkook walked you home last night, I wanted to make sure you were tucked in bed and feeling alright.”

You frown. You don’t remember that. Granted, you don’t remember a lot of things, but you can’t recall Jungkook walking you back. You saw him last night? You didn’t even know. Scratching your head, a part of you vaguely pictures him standing in your apartment in the dark, resting against the door frame to your bedroom in the warm yellow light of the lamp on your nightstand. Can just barely see him tucking you into bed, placing the sheets over your figure and making you text Ruby that you’re home. You thought you were just imagining it at the time, but it must have happened anyway. 

“Jungkook walked me home?”

“Yeah, you insisted,” Ruby says. “You probably don’t remember, though.”

“No,” you say dumbly. 

“Well, I appreciate you texting me that you were home but I would have preferred something more explanatory,” scolds Ruby. “I thought maybe Jungkook was gonna do something.”

“Oh my goodness, no,” you immediately interject, pulling on your shoes and stuffing your laptop into your backpack. Just the thought of Jungkook doing something like that sends your stomach for a whirl. “He would never do that. I trust him.”

“I mean, I see that now,” Ruby points out. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” you promise. “Everything’s good.”

“Alright, if you say so,” Ruby says, still sounding a bit like an overprotective mother. You love her, though. You know she just wants the best for you. “Take it easy today, okay? You had a lot to drink last night.”

“I will,” you assure her. “I’m just on my way to meet up with Jungkook now. Getting coffee.”

“Make sure to eat, too,” Ruby reminds you. “And tell Jungkook that I said thanks for walking you home.”

“Anything else, Mom?”

You can practically see Ruby frowning on the other end. “Oh, shut up. I’ll see you, okay?”

She bids you goodbye just as you’re dashing out the door, your usual stride quickening so you make it to the cafe in time, not wanting to keep Jungkook waiting. You make it there in a record five minutes, pulling open the door frantically just as the clock strikes noon. 

Jungkook’s already there, of course, sitting by a little round table in the corner of the room with two americanos on the table. He waves when he sees you standing by the entrance, and the mere sight of him makes you smile, shoulders relaxing. 

“Hey,” you greet, a little out of breath as you settle into the chair across from him. 

“Hey,” Jungkook says back. “How are you feeling?”

“My head is killing me, but other than that I’m alright,” you admit, taking a sip of the drink. It’s piping hot but just the right amount of scalding, warming your insides after a night of filling them with pure poison. 

“Good.” He grins. “It’s nice to see your face.”

“Oh, yeah, speaking of which,” you say while still on the topic, “did you walk me home last night? I can’t remember.”

Jungkook nods. “Yeah, I bumped into you and your friends while I was on my way back from a bar.”

You wince. The fact that you don’t even remember that happening tells you enough. “I was super drunk, wasn’t I?”

Jungkook, nice as always, says, “I’ve seen worse.” It only makes you feel the slightest bit better. 

“Hope I didn’t say anything embarrassing,” you say, knowing you have a tendency to lose your filter almost entirely when you get wasted, letting any sort of mental reasoning fly out the door the moment you down another shot. And the thought of having told Jungkook something deeply humiliating or personal, or even him witnessing something stupid, makes you feel weirdly exposed. 

Jungkook freezes for a split second, almost like he’s buffering, like he’s about to say something but it’s just taking him an extra step to get the words out of his mouth. Then he takes a quick sip of his americano and shakes his head. “No, you didn’t. You were just very drunk. And clingy.”

“I’m so sorry you had to deal with that,” you apologize. You can’t imagine the hell you must have put Jungkook through last night. 

Jungkook laughs. “It’s okay. I’m glad we got you home safe.”

“Me, too.” You nod. You send a grateful smile his way. “Thanks for walking me, by the way. I really appreciate it. Ruby says thanks, too.”

“Anytime,” Jungkook says. It doesn’t sound like something that people say just to say it. The way that people say ‘anytime’ just so they can be friendly and amicable. He says it and he means it, says it genuinely and honestly, like it’s a real promise that he’s making. That he would be happy to walk you home again. No matter the hour. No matter how drunk you are. No matter what he’s doing. 

And that means a lot to you. 

“We should probably wrap up filming soon, huh?” You say, getting onto the topic at hand. Of course, the project is the whole reason you’re even talking to each other in the first place. “It’s due in three weeks.”

“Yeah, I was thinking of another outing? And maybe one more thing with Taehyung?” Jungkook suggests. 

You narrow your eyes suspiciously. “‘Another outing’, Jungkook? What exactly do you have in mind?”

He grins. 

This time, Jungkook is the one with the flowers. 

When you open your front door they’re the first thing you see, an enormous bouquet of an assortment of spring flowers in a variety of colors—pinks and purples and oranges and yellows—gripped neatly in Jungkook’s hand. They stick out against his otherwise rather formal attire, a simple black dress shirt and jeans, nice shoes that compliment his figure. Black truly is the world’s most slimming color, and Jungkook is no exception. He looks good. 

“For you, m’lady,” Jungkook says dramatically as he holds out the bouquet in front of him.

“How thoughtful of you,” you muse to yourself, grinning. You take the flowers and press your whole face into them, breathing in the fresh scent. “The one I gave you wasn’t nearly this big.”

“Go big or go home,” Jungkook teases. “You look nice, by the way.”

“You always sound so surprised when you say that,” you comment snidely, shaking your head as you grab your bag from the shelf next to your door. “What are we doing tonight, Jeon? Gonna keep it a secret from me like last time?”

“That depends,” Jungkook says knowingly. “Do you like secrets?”

“You should know what I like by now,” you remark. 

“Then prepare to be wowed.” He grins, taking your hand in his as he pulls you out the door. 

The restaurant you go to this time does not require a ten minute drive to the center of town. Instead, it’s a five minute walk from campus and actually happens to be a place you’ve been to before. It’s a busy little thing on a Friday night, waiters bustling about with trays in their hands, people laughing and smiling under the dim light of the chandeliers. You’ve only been here once, long ago, for a club dinner paid for by the finance chair, and for good reason. It’s not the kind of place cheap college students looking to get the most food for the least amount of money go to. 

“Isn’t this a bit out of budget for our rom-com?” You ask as the host seats you at your table, a little booth in the middle of the restaurant, lanterns resting on the corners of the seats. 

“I thought this was a mockumentary,” Jungkook jokes. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, resisting the smile that fights its way across your face. Trust you to make that sort of blunder in front of him. “I mean it, though. This place is expensive.”

“It’s manageable,” Jungkook promises. “I’ve been saving up. Plus, I thought you deserved a nice night out.”

“How generous of you.”

“Oh, come on, I know you’re excited,” he narrows his eyes at you. “You don’t have to act like a stone-cold robot anymore.”

“Well…” you suppose enough is enough. Jungkook can see right through you anyway, so there’s no point in keeping up this indifferent facade of yours. “Only because you’re treating me so nicely.”

“Just please don’t order the steak,” he requests simply. 

You laugh. “No problem. Maybe we could just share a couple of appetizers?”

Jungkook likes the sound of that. 

Luckily, this is not one of those restaurants where the appetizers cost an arm and a leg and are the size of your pinky finger. You and Jungkook split three different ones, happy to scoop out portions for each of you and indulge in them together. 

Dinner dates—of which this is only sort of one—are always awkward because you spend half of the time shoving food into your mouth, but you and Jungkook don’t seem to mind the silence at all. Only, Jungkook does look sort of like he’s holding back.

“Is this enough food for you?” You ask him halfway through, distantly remembering how he absolutely devoured a whole plate of pasta last time and still having enough room in his stomach to finish yours. 

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks over a mouthful of vegetables. 

“You ate so much at the Italian place, I just want to make sure you aren’t still hungry,” you point out. 

“Oh.” Jungkook pauses, swallowing down the bite in his mouth. “No, I’m okay. Thanks for thinking of me, though.”

“Yeah, of course,” you say. You hesitate for a moment, not sure if you should say anything else. But what the hell, right? It’s Jungkook. It’s Jungkook and he walked you home when you were drunk, he gave you flowers, he let you borrow his jacket. And you feel as though you must return the favor. “Anytime.”

He smiles. 

Despite the pure ecstasy you both experience when eating delicious food, Jungkook makes sure not to waste this time and grabs a few frames of you eating with his camera. He always seems to have that with him whenever he’s with you, hanging around his neck or stuffed into his backpack or crammed into his pants pocket. Sort of makes you wonder just how much footage the two of you have of each other. 

He insists on paying but you send him some money anyway, just because letting him shoulder the burden of a place as expensive (for college students, at least) as this just doesn’t sit right with you. Whenever he receives the Venmo notification on his phone, Jungkook frowns and says that he’ll send that money back to you, but he never does and you can tell that he really does appreciate it. 

You don’t think you have any plans on stopping that for a while. 

The only downside of going to this restaurant is that there is no gorgeous, light-strung park in the vicinity the two of you can wander around. Just your campus, which you have no doubt walked a thousand times over, and the streets surrounding it, which you have memorized like the back of your hand. 

It almost makes you think that Jungkook is just going to drop you back off at your place and the night will end there, but you know better than to expect something like that from Jungkook. Instead, as you’re walking, you point out the cafe that you and Ruby always go to, see that it’s closing in half-an-hour, and Jungkook decides then and there that it’s your next destination. 

“You’ve never been here before?” You ask when you walk inside, eyes immediately drifting to the display of pastries beside the register. 

“I’m not normally on this side of campus,” Jungkook admits. “You’re the only reason I’m ever here.”

“Then hopefully after finding this place, you’ll have two reasons,” you say cheerfully. The baristas behind the counter know you on a first-name basis, are happy to help you out even though they’ve no doubt been working long hours and are ready to close up shop and go home. 

You split a tiramisu and sit at that same corner table you and Ruby always pick, empty now that it’s so late at night. Other than the employees, you and Jungkook are the only ones in here, a far cry from the hustle and bustle of the restaurant, filled to the brim with people, the smell of cooked food wafting through the air. 

 The tiramisu isn't as fresh as it would be bright and early in the morning, but you suppose that that just means you and Jungkook will have to come back. Besides, Jungkook obviously does not seem to mind, scarfing it down ruthlessly. You’re in and out just as they close up shop, the employees bidding you goodbye like old friends, sending you on your way. There’s not really much else either of you have planned for tonight, and Jungkook isn’t coming up with any new ideas as he checks his phone. Instead, you just begin to head back to your apartment, all wrapped up in each other. You place your hand in his own and feel yourself relax when he squeezes, a silent little reminder that he’s still here, and that so are you.

Funnily enough, holding hands feels natural to you at this point. 

“Tonight was fun,” you comment, breaking the quiet.

“Yeah, glad we could do this,” Jungkook agrees. “Makes me kind of sad to know that this thing is almost over.”

“What, the project?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Yeah. And the class. And the semester. It’s kind of scary. We’ll be seniors next year.”

You chuckle. “Ugh, don’t remind me. I still have no idea what I’m going to do after we graduate.”

“You don’t have to know everything,” Jungkook reassures you. “As long as you’re happy with what you have now.”

“Are you?” You inquire, looking up to meet his eyes. 

Jungkook beams down at you. “I am.”

The walk from the cafe to your apartment is short, just under five minutes, but it feels like it takes you an hour, footsteps slow and languid, like neither of you want the night to end. You hit every red light, round every corner, drawing out the evening for as long as you can. Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do on a five-minute walk, and before you know it, you’re home.

“This is me,” you say, stopping outside the gold doors of your apartment complex. “Thanks again for tonight.”

“Anytime,” Jungkook says, a common thread in your conversations. 

“Really?” You ask, skeptical. “Our project’s almost over.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to stop doing this,” Jungkook says. 

You narrow your eyes. “What are you implying, huh, Jungkook?”

“This.”

Before you know it, he’s wrapping one hand around your waist and pulling you in close to him, your palms splayed out against his broad, toned chest, pressing his lips to yours. You gasp a little into the feeling, somewhat shocked he would dare be so bold even after all this time, but find yourself sinking into the touch. He tastes like coffee and cream, like peppermint from his chapstick, like the wine you shared tonight. You cave into the way he holds you, hands wrapped around your body, palms pressed firmly against your figure. He holds you like he’s afraid to let go, like he’s trying to remind himself that you’re real and here and that you are kissing him back, like he’ll forget once the moment ends. 

But he need not worry about that. 

When you part, you don’t even bother wiping off the stupid smile on your face, kiss-drunk and filled with glee. It’s been a long time since you felt this way. And Jungkook makes you feel things you don’t even think you can explain. 

“How bold of you,” you comment, noses touching, barely an inch away from each other. 

“I figured I’d shoot my shot,” Jungkook says. He shrugs, pretending to be casual, but you can see the way he’s grinning, beaming, down at you. 

“You scored,” you remind him.

“How observant of you,” teases Jungkook in return. You pout a little at his playful mockery, heart fond. “Think we can do it again?”

“Hmm, I would tone down the ego first,” you say, already leaning back in to press your lips against his. 

“Never.” He smiles wickedly. 

It’s a quicker kiss this time, a short peck against his cherry red mouth, but it still makes your heart beat something terribly fierce. 

“See you soon?” You ask when you finally pull away, knowing that as much as you’d like to, you can’t just stand out here kissing each other forever. 

Jungkook nods, cheeks pink and warm to the touch. He looks so sleek in his formal black outfit, crisp button-down and slacks, hair all styled, but the way he’s grinning at you makes him look so young, so sublimely happy. It’s nice. 

“Anytime.”

“There’s my favorite couple!” Taehyung greets excitedly when he swings open the door to his apartment to reveal you and Jungkook standing on the other side. 

“What’s it to you?” You comment snidely as he lets you inside, the black sheet still taped up along his wall. It looks a little more wrinkled than when you last saw it. 

“Oh, nothing,” Taehyung singsongs. He definitely knows a lot more than he cares to tell either you or Jungkook, but whatever. The project’s almost over and he’s almost finished with university entirely. “You guys are just cute together, that’s all.”

“Like you even know the half of it.” You tell him with a roll of your eyes. 

Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows. “Ooh, do tell.” He grins that greasy, comic-book-villain grin of his as he starts moving his bar stools back to where the sheet lines his cream-colored wall. 

“Isn’t that the whole point of this?” Jungkook poses, making you laugh from where you’re seated on the couch, watching Jungkook set up his tripod in exactly the place he wants it. You smile at him as you recline against Taehyung’s poor old leather couch, so worn-down from use that the back cushions fold in when you press against them, and Jungkook peers out from behind the camera to blow you a kiss. 

You send him one back without even needing to think. 

Taehyung misses the whole scene, but no doubt he’ll be putting two and two together pretty soon. You and Jungkook agreed that for the last interview you would be questioned together, long before Jungkook actually managed to romance you off your feet, and there’s not a doubt in your mind that the two of you being interviewed side-by-side will make things much more interesting. 

Nevertheless, Jungkook sets up the camera and sends a thumbs-up your way when he’s ready, Taehyung sitting on the bar stool just outside of the frame with a couple of index cards in his hand. 

“Let’s do this,” you say, hauling yourself onto the seat. Jungkook does the same shortly after, scooching onto the one next to you as you stare at Taehyung, waiting for him to start. 

“Looking forward to this one?” Taehyung asks knowingly. 

You shrug nonchalantly. “Just a little.”

“Excellent. Shall we begin?”

You and Jungkook nod. 

“Alright. Well, this is presumably the last thing the two of you will be filming for your project. How are you feeling about it?”

“It turned out better than I thought it would,” you admit. It will come as a shock to no one that you did not have very high hopes for this project when it was first assigned. 

“Of course it did, I’m your partner,” Jungkook teases, poking you in your side. “Would you ever doubt me?”

“Always,” you say.

Taehyung chuckles. “Sounds like it’s been good so far. Did you enjoy filming it?”

You nod. “Yeah, it was actually kind of fun. Except for when Jungkook spilled coffee all over me, that was not cool.” You turn to face Jungkook directly, and all he does when you say his name is wink and point at you. 

“It was for the rom-com, I don’t know what you expected,” Jungkook said. “I gave you my jacket, too.”

“How gentlemanly.”

Taehyung chuckles, warm and low. “I’m sure Jungkook learned his lesson,” he muses. “What was your favorite thing to film?”

Not when I randomly texted you five minutes before I showed up at your door to make you ask me questions about how I feel, you think to yourself. Jungkook still doesn’t know, but you think you’ll put it into the movie just for the hell of it, so he’ll find out then. Find out that you were grappling with your feelings for him long before you ever let on.

“The serenade was a blast, a special shoutout to the Eighth Notes for doing that for me,” Jungkook says immediately. Obviously that is at the top of his list. “Plus, I just like seeing Y/N all flustered.”

“Shut up, you’re so annoying,” you chide. “I guess the serenade was kind of cute. I liked going out together, though. On our not-date.”

Jungkook objects to that instantly. “It was a date, Y/N!”

You look back at him, equally as scandalized as he. “Whose turn is it to talk?”

“Mine, actually,” Taehyung interjects. “Did you like going out together?”

You sigh a little, wondering if you’re really about to turn into a softie in front of a camera for a movie to be shown to your twenty classmates and professor. “Yeah,” you say, real and true because that’s what you agreed on, you and Jungkook. To be candid. To be honest. To say how you felt. Really. “It was really nice. I hadn’t gone out with someone like that in a long time.”

“And were you happy because of the project, or because of Jungkook?”

“Well,” you begin, not exactly sure where to start. “I guess, it’s like… you know, I didn’t even know Jungkook before this project. I mean, I knew who he was, he would always respond to my discussion board posts and object to everything I said in class. But I didn’t know him as a person. But as we worked on this project together, planning and filming and editing, I started to. And we did so many things together. And I guess I just really enjoyed the time we did spend as a pair.”

“Would you say the same, Jungkook?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says easily. “That’s what I wanted. To get to know Y/N, to spend time with her. I was glad we had this project. Otherwise, we might never have done something like this.”

“You both seem very happy.”

“I think we are. This project was actually sort of a blessing in disguise. I know him a lot better, now,” you say. “I’m glad that I do. He makes me smile, and laugh, and I always feel happy when he’s around. I don’t know. He did it, somehow.”

“Jungkook?”

“It wasn’t just me. Y/N and I did this together. We made this. This project. Us. It wasn’t just her, or just me. It’s ours.” Jungkook grins.

“Are you glad you did this project?”

Of course. It was fun, and I liked filming it, and I feel like I got something really important out of it. I know it’s just a short rom-com mockumentary, but it really feels like there was a happy ending, you know? A happily ever after.”

“You seem really certain about that.”

“Well,” Jungkook says with a little scoff, “what else would you call it?”

“As you can see, obviously Y/N fell head over heels in love with me thanks to this wonderful project—”

“Why are you always so full of yourself—?”

“Hey, you’re ruining the voiceover! As I said, as you can see, Y/N fell head over heels in love with me, but that wasn’t just because of my dashing good looks and amazing singing skills.”

“The ends of your hair look like hay—”

“It was because we were honest with each other, and because we spent meaningful moments together, and because we kept our hearts open. And I guess that’s the truth of it all, isn’t it? Love, romance, relationships? If you close yourself off, you’ll never get to experience them. But if you take every opportunity with an open mind, then you never know what might happen. Like falling in love with your discussion board nemesis.”

“Who, me?”

“Just let me finish, come on. There’s like one paragraph left. I know this was a mockumentary, not a scripted rom-com with professional actors and screenwriters and a whole team of editors. But that was the whole point. To make it real. And to make it between two people who aren’t just characters on a screen. We’re real people, and this happened to us. And it makes us happy. And it can happen to you, too. I think we all learn something every time we watch a new movie. Whether it be about loss, or promises, or other people. This time, we learned about love. Real love. How it can be rocky and strange and come straight out of left field. But also how happy endings aren’t just for movies and fairytales. We all deserve them. And Y/N and I found our own.”

“Are you gonna say it?”

“And so… they lived happily ever after.”

You look up at the screen, expecting to see the credits roll, but instead it’s a shot of the two of you kissing outside of your apartment building, a shot of you wrapping your arms around him as you press your lips to his. It lasts for only a few seconds, but you find yourself entranced in the moment, shocked that Jungkook somehow managed to capture it on film. He didn’t even have his camera with him that night. 

Pollack turns on the lights in your classroom as your fellow classmates applaud, all of them looking genuinely pleased that your rom-com had such a wonderful ending. Pollack herself looks rather proud, nodding to herself as she smiles at the two of you. 

“You filmed us kissing?” You hiss to Jungkook as your classmates clap, hoping the sound of it will drown out your conversation. 

“I got Taehyung to,” Jungkook whispers back. “Why?”

“I just… I thought that night was just for us.”

“The rest of it is. But I thought the kiss would be a cute way to end it. You know, happy ending and everything.”

Alright, if Jungkook insists. You nod, tensing up slightly. You hadn’t even noticed Taehyung down the street, standing behind some utility pole with the camera raised to his eye. Had Jungkook texted him in secret? Asked him to meet you outside of your apartment? Was he planning on kissing you from the very beginning?

You shake your head, willing away the thoughts as Pollack commends the two of you for a job well done. Jungkook and you stand at the front of the room for a few more seconds, getting stared down by your fellow classmates while Pollack speaks. The period ends just as she finishes up, the minutes changing the moment she closes her mouth. Within a minute or so, the whole class has emptied out, some of them congratulating you and Jungkook on the way out. 

“I’ll meet you outside, okay?” Jungkook says, eyes bright and filled with that same wonder he’s always got. 

“Yeah,” you say distantly, nodding to him as he disappears out the door. 

“You did an excellent job, Y/N,” Pollack praises, and it goes right to your head, if you’re being honest. “It was brilliant.”

“Thanks,” you say, suddenly rather shy. “That means a lot.”

“Don’t tell anyone else this,” she says, voice quiet, “but I was secretly hoping the two of you would fall in love.”

“Pollack!”

She laughs. “What? I thought you’d make a cute couple. And you do, so clearly it all worked out anyway.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s against the code of conduct,” you say, even though you know you can’t be too mad at her. After all, you wouldn’t have Jungkook if it weren’t for her. 

“Y/N, I’m tenured. I don’t care.”

“Wait…” you pause, eyes narrowing, “how many of your students have you set up with each other?”

Pollack grins. “I never reveal my secrets.”

Your mouth drops open. 

She chuckles, shooing you out the door. “Go on, go be with your boyfriend. You can tell him you both get A pluses for your project. It was excellent. One of the best I’ve seen in a very long time.”

“Thanks, Pollack,” you say, smiling gratefully. “You’re the best.”

She points at you proudly as you head out the door. “So are you.”

Jungkook is waiting by the tables where you always sit, half a flight down from your classroom. He’s leaning against the edge of them as he scrolls mindlessly through his phone, so engrossed in the Instagram explore page that he doesn’t see you walk up. 

“Guess what,” you say, getting all up in his face, just because you can. 

“What,” Jungkook says, an eyebrow raised. 

“We got an A plus on our project!” You exclaim happily, cheering. Jungkook laughs at your exuberant reaction, watches as you jump around, clapping loudly. 

“Hell yeah, we did that!” Jungkook holds his hand up for a high five, one you gladly take. Your palms smack together and the sound reverberates around the hallway. 

“You know, you and I—” you begin, placing your palms on his cheeks as you pull yourself in for a kiss, “we make a pretty good team.”

“Only because you’re so good at editing,” Jungkook says. You’re both not too bad, if you do say so yourself, but since Jungkook did so much of the filming you thought it would be better if you carried more of the weight when it came to post-production. 

“Says you,” you tease, pressing your lips to his button nose. “The happy ending thing was a nice touch, I liked it. Makes me feel like I’m in a fairy tale.”

“I’m glad,” Jungkook says with a chuckle, admiring the way you beam at him. “You know, I was really worried that you might think we didn’t have a happy ending after all, especially after everything.”

“What do you mean?” You look at him curiously. 

“Well, I just really wanted to make sure that we had a happy ending, because you’ve been through so much.”

You pause in place, eyebrows furrowing as you look up at him. Been through so much? Does Jungkook know something you don’t? Wait, no, did you… did you tell him—?

“You knew?” You ask, the realization piercing you like an arrow. “All this time, and you never said anything?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen. 

“How long have you known?”

He winces. “Since I walked you home when you were drunk. You told me.”

You did?

Shit.

“And you didn’t think that maybe you should have told me that you knew? Especially when I asked you if I had said anything embarrassing?” You cry out, indignant. “What, were you just planning on never telling me?”

“I was going to, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to know that you had admitted all those things to me,” Jungkook admits, growing desperate. “They were really personal things, I thought you might react badly.”

“Oh, so you just decided to keep it a secret instead? Look how well that worked out.”

“What was I supposed to do, Y/N? I know you would have been upset.”

“Tell me!” You exclaim. “I asked you if I had said something embarrassing that night and you said I hadn’t. And I believed you. Better to have known then than now!”

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says.

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t just tell me. Didn’t we say we would be honest with each other? But instead, you just let me assume that all of the nice things you did for me were because you actually cared, and not because you felt bad for me?”

“I don’t feel bad for you!” Jungkook shouts. “I mean, I do, but that’s not why I took you out on dates and gave you flowers and held your hand. I do care about you.”

“Oh, so filming us kissing was just because you actually cared, too, right?”

“I don’t know why you’re so hung up about that,” Jungkook points out. 

“Because I thought it was a private moment,” you remind him. “You hadn’t filmed anything the whole night. I thought we were just going out on a date like two people who cared about each other did. Us kissing was personal. But you texted Taehyung and told him to show up with his camera anyway, right? Because you were planning on kissing me from the very beginning. Because you knew, Jungkook. You knew and you had absolutely no intention of telling me.”

“Y/N, wait, I didn’t do those things just because I pitied you,” Jungkook says, reaching out for your hand. 

You pull away. “You didn’t? Then why did you film us kissing, then?”

“Because…” he flounders. You aren’t at all surprised. “Because—”

“Enough, Jungkook. I get it,” you stop him, shaking your head. “Everything we’ve done since that first date we had, when we went to the Italian place, everything since then—it was all played up. Because you felt bad for me. I had a shitty experience with love and you wanted to make me feel better. Whatever.”

“Y/N, it wasn’t like that,” Jungkook chases after you as you begin to walk down the stairs, towards the exit. “I didn’t pity you. I still don’t. I did those things because I care about you, and I wanted you to be happy.”

“Well, you got what you wanted,” you say, arms crossed over your shoulders as you push your way out the door. “I was so happy when I was with you.”

“Wait, Y/N—”

“Bye, Jungkook.”

The door slams shut behind you. 

“How many finals do you still have left? You finished your movie, right?”

Ruby is stirring herself a cup of earl grey tea as she sits down on the couch next to you, where you’re very obviously sulking as you scroll through the Feel Good Rom-Coms category on Netflix. 

“I just have a couple essays and a presentation,” you mumble out. “You?”

“Ugh, I still have all of my final exams to take,” Ruby tells you with a thick, heavy sigh. Clearly, she doesn't feel like talking about them now. Or at all. “The life of a biology major.”

“Hey, you’re the one who wants to be a doctor, not me,” you remind her crudely. “You better know your shit, or I’m never taking my kids to your practice.”

“Rude,” Ruby says. “There goes my family and friends discount offer.”

You laugh to yourself, a small smile inching its way across your lips. Ruby’s always known how to brighten your day, even when you feel like absolute shit. 

“What are we watching, hmm? I’m cool with anything.”

“I don’t know.” You shrug, flicking through all of the rom-com options and feeling very unhappy with all of them. “I feel like you’ve seen all of these.”

“Yeah,” Ruby says. “Whenever I’m not studying, I’m watching Netflix or The Bachelor.”

You nod. Maybe you’ll just settle on some old NCIS reruns and call it a night. 

“Oh!” Ruby exclaims suddenly, a lightbulb going off above her head. “How about we watch your movie? The rom-com you did with Jungkook! I haven’t seen it yet.”

“I don’t know…” You begin, the mere thought putting a bad taste in your mouth. For obvious reasons. 

“Come on, please? I really want to see it, you were so excited about it,” Ruby begs, getting all antsy as she climbs all over you, literally pulling your arm to get you to cave in. “It’s short, too, isn’t it? Like forty-five minutes long? We can watch whatever you want afterwards. Please.”

You huff out a breath. If it were up to you, you would move that film onto a flash drive and toss it into a dumpster on fire. But it’s not just up to you. Ruby has been asking you about it since the day you told her you were filming it, and now all she wants to do is see the final result. And it’s only forty-five minutes long. What’s that when compared to the rest of your life?

“Fine,” you relent, not wanting to fight about it any longer. “Let me get my computer.”

Ruby cheers. 

You bring your laptop over to your coffee table, turning off the ceiling lights as Ruby tucks herself underneath a blanket, hands warmed by her steaming cup of tea. You pull up the movie file and, taking a deep breath, press play. 

It opens with your first interview with Taehyung, a muted, royalty-free lo-fi hip-hop song playing in the background. You had edited it so that it would jump back and forth between your answer and Jungkook’s, highlighting the contrast between the two of you. It was mostly for comedic purposes, just because seeing you deadpan about how love doesn’t exist and then quickly switching to Jungkook wax poetic about it is amusing, but watching it now just makes you want to curl into yourself. 

You should have known that this would have never worked out. Should have kept that same jaded attitude. You let your guard down for one second and look at what’s happened to you.

The next scene that Jungkook shows is, of course, the moment he spills burning hot coffee all over you in the middle of the Starbucks, comedically panning up to your positively-flabbergasted face just to add to the shock factor. Next to you, Ruby laughs at the mishap, obviously amused by the fact that the two of you are now drenched in coffee and scrambling to clean up the mess. You try to focus your energy on how peeved you were at Jungkook after he did that, but get distracted the moment he films himself wrapping his denim jacket around you, placing it over your shoulders and making sure it’s just right. 

He didn’t have to do that, and the two of you both knew it. But still, he sent you off your class all bundled up in a jacket that smelled like him, smelled of that boyish aroma that you couldn’t get rid of, even when you put it in the wash with your lavender detergent. All of Jungkook’s clothes smelt like that no matter how much cologne he put on, always smelt woody and thick. It would consume you, that scent, a cloud surrounding your figure whenever you were near him. 

The movie keeps playing, and you keep thinking about how much of a fool you must look like in it now, all giggles and smiles as Jungkook sings Frankie Valli to you while he hands you a rose, that same sly little smile dotting his features. Hearing the song again makes you feel like you’re choking, like something’s smothering you, and you’re not sure what it is until you realize that it’s the sound of Jungkook’s voice. 

You haven’t heard him sing since he serenaded you. 

Then it’s your first date, the one Ruby told you to wear the yellow dress to (“Hey, I told you you looked amazing in it! Wow!” Ruby exclaims when she sees you). You remember when you edited this, putting the clips together of you eating at the restaurant, wandering around the park, posing underneath the trees, holding hands. You were smiling so hard your cheeks hurt while you were editing, grinning from ear to ear at all of the things the two of you did together. They were so picturesque, those scenes, so perfectly shot, so romantici—t did a fine job of convincing you that it was all real. 

You even put in the little clip of you and Taehyung talking. A mistake, now that you look back on it, of course. It was so vulnerable, so real, so candid and honest like you said you would be, and now it’s all blown up in your face. You must have looked like such an idiot to Jungkook when he saw this scene for the first time in class. You remember the wide-eyed look on his face when it popped up. Like he couldn’t even believe you had done this in the first place. 

Scoffing, you shake your head. You either. 

The rest of it you can hardly bear to watch. Just a wrap-up of your relationship, a compilation of all of the small moments you shared when you didn’t realize that Jungkook was filming, when you dared whip out your camera to shoot for a second or two. Little clips that jump from scene to scene, shots of you laughing and eating and skipping along campus as you held hands. It’s hard to reconcile the fact that it’s all over. 

You don’t even listen to the final interview, not bothering to pay attention to what you or Jungkook have to say when you were there, when you can recall every word he’s ever spoken to you at the drop of a hat. 

The truth is, you were always a goner for him. 

And look how well that played out. 

By the time the kissing scene comes up once more, you’re ready to set your whole laptop alight. 

The screen turns black as it ends, fading away into nothingness, the instrumental slowly disappearing alongside the image. You shut your laptop when it’s all over, a little too angry for your own good, but you wrestle the scowl off your face as you take a drink of water from the glass sitting on the table. 

“Wow,” Ruby says, speechless. She blinks at your closed laptop. 

“Did you like it?”

“I—I don’t even know what to say,” Ruby says, which is a first. “It was amazing, Y/N. Seriously. Gorgeous. Like, cinematographically? Stunning. The shit on Netflix isn’t even as good as that.”

Even if you did have to sit through your stupid movie one more time, the compliments make you feel a bit better. “Thanks,” you murmur. 

Ruby nods enthusiastically. “It was incredible. I’m just—I’m in awe. You and Jungkook have a gift, dude. It was seriously one of the best things I’ve watched in a really long time. And, like, not even in a cheesy, yucky rom-com kind of way. It was so… so genuine. So real. Wow.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“You’ll have to tell Jungkook, too,” Ruby says. “He did really well.”

“Yeah, he’s a great actor,” you say, a little too bitterly for your own good. 

“What do you mean?” Ruby raises an eyebrow your way. “I didn’t think he was acting at all. It looked pretty real to me.”

You frown. “It did?”

“I mean, yeah,” Ruby says with an honest nod. “I mean, you did tell me it was a mockumentary and not just a run-of-the-mill rom-com. So wasn’t everything supposed to be real, anyway?”

“Yes…” you trail off, unsure of the direction of this conversation.

“Well, if you ask me,” Ruby says, all matter-of-factly, “I’d say he definitely fell in love with you.”

Something rushes through you. Something warm and bright and full of energy. 

Hope. 

Even though you have finished one of your finals early, finals week is still just as much of a slog as it always is. Three essays and two presentations deep, you aren’t finished any of them and the due dates are slowly creeping up on you, ready to pounce the moment the clock strikes twelve. 

Eh, it could be worse. You could be Ruby and have six timed, proctored final exams on biology, anatomy, and chemistry. So you suppose you can’t complain too much. 

Finals week sees you all holed up in your apartment like always, but more so this semester than any previous ones because you don’t feel like going to the library and risking seeing Jungkook there. Or anywhere, really. Since you presented on the last day of classes, you haven’t spoken since, and hopefully you can keep that streak going forever. You had made it until this semester without ever crossing paths despite being in the same major, so hopefully that luck will follow you. 

It’s almost midnight when you finally decide to call it quits for the night, having at least gotten mostly through two of your essays (just have to edit and proofread!) and worked on about half of your two presentations. Sighing, you get up from your couch and stretch, feeling your bones crack from sitting in the same place for hours on end. 

You lean over to the floor lamp by the edge of the couch, ready to flick it off and head to bed, when you hear something outside. 

“You’re just too good to be true…”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”

You freeze.

The voice is soft and mellow, a little muted because it’s making its way through your wooden door before it reaches your ears, but it is unrecognizable. Even without the acoustics of the Eighth Notes, you know who’s on the other side. 

“You’d be like Heaven to touch…”

“I wanna hold you so much…”

“At long last, love has arrived…”

“And I thank God I’m alive…”

Unable to resist, you wander to your front door, basking in the sound of him, in the way the notes float through the air as if on clouds, dancing along the walls as they sink into your brain. He sounds so sweet, voice warm like tea on a cold night, just singing his song on this empty, lonely night. But it’s not just his song, is it? 

It’s yours, too.

You pull open the door. 

“You’re just too good to be true,” Jungkook sings, a honeyed melody that calms the waves of your stormy heart, “can’t take my eyes off of you…”

But just because he’s here, serenading you once more, doesn’t mean he’s going to get it any easier from you. You fight to keep the smile off your face, pressing your lips together as you narrow your eyes at him. 

“I love you, baby, and if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night…”

“I love you, baby, trust in me when I say…”

He meets your eyes with his own, and they aren’t glinting in the way they normally do, the way that they do when he knows he’s doing something to grind your gears, when he’s got a trick up his sleep. They gleam like pearls as the dim glow of your apartment lights up his figure, warm yellow mixing with the caramel in his irises.

“Oh, pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray…”

Oh, pretty baby, now that I’ve found you, stay…”

“And let me love you, baby…”

From behind him, Jungkook brings out a single red rose, twirling it between his fingers as he holds it out to you. 

“Let me love you…” He trails off there, voice delicate as vanishes into the chilly night air, disappearing between the two of you. 

You can’t help but take the flower from his hand. What else are you supposed to do?

“So?” Jungkook asks, hopeful. 

“Don’t think you can just show up at my apartment and woo me back by singing to me,” you chide, even though he definitely can. 

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says simply, because there really is nothing else to say. “I should have told you.”

“I watched our rom-com again,” you tell him. “I should have believed you when you said you cared about me.”

“I always did,” Jungkook says. “I just wanted you to know that love was real, and that it was there for you.”

“I should have known,” you agree. You look up at Jungkook through lidded eyes, musing to yourself. “You know what I learned?”

Jungkook tilts his head in curiosity. “What?”

“That love isn’t a feeling. It’s a person,” you explain, sighing pleasantly. “Love comes to us through the things we share with other people. That’s what it is.” Your thumbs twiddle in front of you, the pads of your fingers rubbing at the stem of the rose.

He takes a single step forward, reaching out to take your hand in his own. “And are you pleased with who you’ve found?”

You roll your eyes. “Just shut up and kiss me already, you idiot.”

Jungkook obliges without a second thought. 

There is no one to film you this time, no project to work on. There is only you, and there is only him. And there is only a lifetime that the two of you share, a story that you have told together, piece by piece, frame by frame. Your movie didn’t end once you finished editing. Nor did it end the moment the screen went black in Pollack’s class. It wasn’t even over when you watched it a second time with Ruby. 

No, it continues on. Forever and ever, so long as you are with him. There will always be something new to capture, to burn into a disk so you’ll have it for eternity.

He pulls you in for a kiss and it’s not the end of the film. It’s the beginning of a brand new part, a new installment in the series that is your life with him. That is the relationship you have created together. His lips aren’t the fireworks as the credits roll. They are the scene where the two characters meet for the very first time and know that they were meant to be. The scene that sets all of the other ones in motion. That is who Jungkook is. That is what you are sharing, right now. 

A brand new frame. 

When you part, you press your forehead against his, soft blonde locks framing his face as they tickle your face, dancing along the skin of your cheeks.

“You called it a rom-com,” Jungkook points out randomly, just remembering now. 

“Well, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know…” Jungkook says, pretending to think about it as he rocks on the back of his feet. “Did it have a happy ending?”

You bring your lips to his once more, arms wrapped around his neck as you clasp the rose between your fingers. You make a mental note to press it later. Something else to remember him by. Something other than your movie. 

Jungkook pulls you into him once more, hands resting firmly on your waist, letting his body press against yours as you stand there in the muted light of your apartment’s living room, letting the cool spring breeze wash over you. You smile against his lips, feeling your heart race when he grins back. 

“Yes,” you declare proudly. 

And so, they lived happily ever after. 

↳ thanks for reading! don’t forget to let me know if you enjoyed it!

#jungkook fluff #jungkook angst #bts fluff #bts angst #bts scenario #jungkook scenario #bts imagine #jungkook imagine #bts au #jungkook au #jungkook college au #jungkook x reader #bts x reader #w: the art of the rom com #dudes this fic is so long my keyboard is lagging HAHAHA

[nicolehampton]

{ OLIVIA O’BRIEN . CIS FEMALE .  24 . SHE/HER }  did you see that { NICOLE HAMPTON } just pulled up in hidden hills with { BRODY ROBERTS } sitting next to them in the passengers seat - isn’t that cute ! you know, for a { LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST & MODEL }, i’ve heard they’re really { SELF-INDULGENT }, but that they make up for it by being so { APPEALING }. i see them all the time on snapchat && yesterday in US WEEKLY i read that they { HAVE  } a son named asher - can you believe that ?!

{ OLIVIA O’BRIEN . CIS FEMALE .  24 . SHE/HER }  did you see that { NICOLE HAMPTON } just pulled up in hidden hills with { DEREK KING } sitting next to them in the passengers seat - isn’t that cute ! you know, for a { LATE NIGHT TALK SHOW HOST & MODEL }, i’ve heard they’re really { SELF-INDULGENT }, but that they make up for it by being so { APPEALING }. i see them all the time on snapchat && yesterday in US WEEKLY i read that they { HAVE  } a son named zeus - can you believe that ?! **zeus is her oldest child

TW: MENTIONS OF ABUSE, DRUGS, LIQUOR

i’ll edit and add zeus and derek into her bio when i can figure out how to piece them in correctly && after i’ve plotted with my pairs xoxo

basic info.

name. nicole janelle hampton. birth date. september 14, 1996. pronouns. she/her. species. rebel child. hometown. beverly hills, ca. sexuality. bisexual. occupation. host of THE LATE LATE SHOW WITH NICOLE HAMPTON & model

physical.

height. 5'1. eye color. green. hair color. brunette/blonde. build. petite/curvey. tattoos. 9. piercings. 8. scars. one on her left upper thigh. style. boho chic. faceclaim. olivia o’brien.

in-depth.

zodiac. virgo. mbti. intp. mental. depression. eyesight. excellent. drug use. some, weed, cocaine, molly. alcohol use. socially. languages. english, french.

basics.

◦ nicknames: nicki, niks, nik, baby, that bitch.

◦ age: 24

◦ hair: blonde

◦ eyes: greenish blue

◦ sexuality: bisexual

◦ family: zeus king (son) age 6, asher brody roberts (son) age 5, noel hampton (older sister) age 25, ivette hampton (mother estranged) age 39, david hampton (father estranged) age 41.

bio.◦ 

Nicole, being the baby of the family, was an angel from the time she was born until around 16. In her infancy she was, as her family praised, one of the most peaceful children they’d ever encountered. Her mother adored her, despite the fact that Nicole was a through-and-through daddy’s girl. Her parents were the head chair members for the CBS broadcasting network. As a result, she grew up loving all things pretty and glittery - and even becoming spoiled in her youth. She was an avid wearer of makeup and spent much of her time playing dress-up with her sister. 

Her parents wanted their children involved in extracurriculars from a young age, forcing Nicole into singing lessons and dance classes which filled much of her free time. To further monopolize on much of Nicole’s childhood, she was ushered into numerous beauty pageants alongside her sister, feeling entirely inadequate whenever the crown wasn’t bestowed upon her (however rare those times were). Through her own interest, she discovered a passion for writing music and its accompanying lyrics. A habit she carried with her throughout her entire life. Nicole had always whirred with creative energy, and constantly cracked jokes.

Nicole’s ambitions and personality unexpectedly shifted when she entered High School. This was where she truly found a way in which to grow into herself. Seemingly overnight (to those around her) she transitioned from a dainty wallflower into a turbulent, exciting, free-spirited (and self proclaimed) wild child. Much to the dismay of her loving family (her mother complaining that she was the source of a near constant “nikki-ache”, or migraine in layman's terms). On her 15th birthday, as if a gift from the universe, she was offered a modeling contract from a renowned modeling agency, Zarzar. It was through her pursuit of modeling that she got a taste, and addiction to the limelight. A year later, on her 16th birthday, she won the title of Miss Teen California. Between modeling and her consistent extracurriculars she continued to foster a stronger tendency to be rebellious and “wild”. She found herself on a never-ending merry-go-round of parties, drinking and sneaking out. With this newly forged nightlife she began dabbling in something more sinister, deciding that the drink simply wasn’t enough, she began finding drugs, another viable rebellion.  ( i mean what good is having family money if you don’t spend daddy’s hard-earned cash on drugs, right? ) Despite being the center of attention, which is what she thought was all she’d possibly need, sweet Nicole also noticed she never truly seemed happy.

Often she struggled with depression as a result of pressure placed on her to be the perfect picture daughter her parents desperately wanted her to be. Even though she was always her father’s little princess, she struggled to find independence, her own footing, and her place in the world.

At the age of 18, Nicole moved out on her own savings due to an on-going struggle with drugs ( mostly cocaine, but she wasn’t really picky...she liked to joke that she abused any and everything equally ) and seemingly never-ending fights at home which caused a considerable rift between her and the rest of the picture-perfect Hampton family. 

That same year, Nicole found a new way to establish herself and maintain her lifestyle. she began stripping at Synn Gentleman’s Club, a high-end strip club in West Hollywood. She’d met many of her current connections while stripping, subsequently cutting off all connection with her family soon after, except for her sister. 

Right before her 19th birthday during a shift at Synn, she was assigned to work the VIP section wherein she met a man by the name Brody Roberts, a reputable ( and darkly alluring ) producer and director, who quickly took a liking to Nicole. It didn’t take long for them to hit it off. he’d frequent the club she worked, getting only a dance. Once the two were done, he’d leave her an egregious tip and venture from the club until the following night. 

The two engaged in this dangerous courtship for long enough that brody became tiresome of this charade and presented Nicole with a devious ultimatum: in order for her livelihood to continue ( ie. getting bestowed large sums of money nightly ) she’d have to renounce her days on the pole for days on his arm (or face immediate termination and blacklisting from any and all reputable clubs within a feasible radius). An offer she couldn’t refuse. She knew he would be able to support her and offer the life she’d once been accustomed to before falling out with her family. 

Soon thereafter, Nicole had found herself living with brody and became his kept woman. her days were filled with a monotony of repetition that Nicole quickly realized she wanted to escape. she’d managed to save enough money to find herself a small place and the day before she signed the lease, she fainted from exhaustion during her morning run and was taken to the hospital. upon receiving bloodwork the cause of her fainting was actually an unknown pregnancy. 

Nine months later, they welcomed a son, Asher Brody Roberts. 

Asher was a difficult baby ( often sick, colicky ) causing additional strain on a relationship which had already nearly met its end. That's when Nicole made her change. It started small, distancing her own finances from that of her son’s father, she then began to dabble in music and amassed a sizable social media following which allowed her to jump-start her career separate from her estranged boyfriend.

Two years later, with meticulous planning and the help of her best friend Olivia and Olivia’s boyfriend Jaxson King Nicole was able to move all of her and asher’s belongings out of the home during a week long shoot that brody was on. 

Nicole did not get a clean nor healthy break from a relationship that had already drained her for the better part of four years. She knew that she had lost part of her formative years (being 18 when she’d met the man with whom she would share a part of her life forever, and stuck until she was 22) to Brody, a manipulative and narcissistic man who she hated to adore. Her heart ached every single time she’d hear his specific text tone, or see his name take over her phone screen. She’d wanted desperately to contact the police, to see what kind of assistance she could get from what she only knew as harassment (ultimately to be talked off the ledge by Olivia). 

Nearly a week after Nicole had made her grand (and melodramatic) departure in the night, she found herself in a meeting over coffee with the man whose bed she’d shared for years. She was anxious and cranky and was met with cold smugness from her counterpart. Brody, a smart and wealthy man, was not going to relinquish his prize without a painful fight. As he sipped his coffee, and with all of the curtness he would bestow upon a perfect stranger, Brody announced to her that if she did not willfully come back - he would charge her with the kidnapping of his son. A toddler.

Nicole spiraled in that very second. She knew he meant it, and she knew that with his power and connections (all fueled by money) he could paint her into the narrative that best suited him, and that would force her to lose custody. With reluctance and all of the self-preservation she could muster, Nicole collected her and Asher’s belongings and returned to the home she thought she’d managed to escape. 

It didn’t take long for Brody to feel comfortable again, thinking he’d created a chess game that he couldn’t lose. He began taking on more projects, longer commitments of his time, while Nicole was left to plot alone with their son. It was during one of these extended periods of Brody-ness bliss that Nicole's wandering eye and coyote-caught-in-a-trap mentality bested her. She’d met another man. 

Theo, the focus of her attention, was the antithesis of Brody: sensitive, kind, wholesome, charismatic and most of all not a blatant narcissist. He was genuinely, unapologetically and irrevocably good. Everything she hadn’t sought out, nor thought she wanted. Yet, everything she needed. Nicole found herself diving headfirst into a hidden relationship. She brought him around her son, whom he was fantastic with, and she knew in that second: she was going to run to him. 

Nicole convinced Theo to contact a lawyer on her behalf so as to not leave a trace that Brody could stumble upon. She found the legal course of action that she could take in order to move herself and Asher out of the home Brody owned, and made her second escape. Straight into the arms and home of her secret lover. 

Brody discovered, to his grand dismay, that he had no legal recourse for Nicole and that he would inevitably have to allow this sleeping dog to lie. The two worked out a custody arrangement that neither were truly happy with, and she found a new false sense of security in their world. 

Having rid herself of the relationship that was hindering her and Theo’s happiness, the two allowed themselves to date. To even make the leap into falling in love. They dated for a little over a year and in that time Nicole’s life had taken a turn. She found the independence she’d longed for, her career took an upturn. For the first time in her life, Nicole was unstoppable. 

After dating for a year, Nicole and Theo decided to get married. The couple took their time planning the wedding, Theo understanding Nicole’s struggles, and hesitancy in regards to marriage. He’d been kind, patient, and loving which prompted Nicole to take the leap during a trip to Aspen. They planned a speedy wedding and everything appeared copacetic until mid-ceremony when the officiant asked if there were any objections and no other than an uninvited guest spoke out. 

At that moment Nicole was faced with a difficult decision: she could marry the man she had grown to love or forfeit him for the man she knew was bad for her… in every sense, two could be hazardous to one-another.

In a moment of panic, Nicole chose self-preservation. Sparing herself the internal turmoil of being stuck with a choice she didn’t feel right, she fled from the altar and in a flash of white disappeared from the church. In her wake, she left behind two shell-shocked men, and a conglomeration of confused attendees. 

During the days that followed Nicole sought refugee on the couches and spare beds of friends who welcomed her and her son while her former fiance packed her things and the memories of the life they were once committed to sharing. 

While still reeling from everything that had transpired during the aforementioned weeks, she had managed to gain a sense of resolve and clarity for the first time in her adult life. She was without a romantic partner for the first time in her adult years, and instead, her life was now solely committed to herself and her son. She got a place for the two of them, somewhere she was proud to call home and make their own. She found stronger footing in her musical career, something she’d been unable to fully dedicate herself to before. And she managed to gather the reigns on her own life, without the assistance of anyone else. 

Nicole had built herself into a woman she didn’t think she’d ever become. Someone who her son deserved. A bright, powerful individual with a life uniquely her own. Who had finally gotten the self-respect to realize she didn’t require a man to get by. That her own tenacity could carry her to places she’d only dreamed.

Granted, in this whirlwind of growth and development, she didn’t avoid a struggle here and there. Namely in the form of waking up in the bed of a man that she didn’t belong with. A man whose son she raised alone. 

#hhhq:intros

[jinruihokankeikaku]

Oops, My bad! I didn’t see that you already did an analysis on the Prince of Life, I should’ve checked :P. I do have one question, how did you figure out what your classpect was and do you have any advice for people trying to figure it out? Thanks for your amazing blog btw!

Hey, I’m so glad you’vve 8een enjoyin the 8log!! This post wwound up 8ein a 8it more long-wwinded than I had initially intended, 8ut I hope you find it useful nonetheless!! ^^^^v^^^^

The Big Classpect Essay {Part 1 of ???}

(A/N: You kneww this wwas 8ound to happen evventually ::::p)

Introduction

Hey, I meant to get to this ask sooner cos I think it’s a really interesting one. Back when I first got into this stuff, as a brand-new Homestuck fan in two thousand and fourteen, there was a lot less in the way of canon information on the Aspects, and so most of the available quizzes - with all due respect to their creators - were rather off-base in one or more respects. In all honesty, I don’t think quizzes are ideal for this kind of thing, because they will be a) influenced by the unconscious bias of the person who created them and b) lack on account of their medium the archetypal-unconscious element that is so crucial to both classes and Aspects. That said, I will be linking to an Aspect quiz that attempts to extend the canonical one to increase the accuracy of results without altering the canonical content, because I think that’s a great goal and it’s pretty much the best Aspect quiz out there. 

With that said, I want to first get into what I conceive of the Classes and Aspects as, through the lens of the Game as a creation myth. “Classpects” is a shorthand for Mythological Roles, which carries with it both the implication that your Class and Aspect are Roles to be fulfilled, and that those Roles exist on a level of reality beyond that which you currently inhabit. To borrow the “Pataphysical Sandwich” model from certain SCP Foundation stories, the Roles exist on the layer above you - the meta-textual layer. The Roles are more real than the Players bound to them - they are ultimately metanarrative concepts mapped onto in-narrative people. Before this tangent turns into a proper ramble, I’ll use my metanarrative authorial agency to cut it short by saying this: in order to determine your Mythological Role, you must first conceive of your life as a narrative. The Classes and Aspects will mean little to naught if you don’t.

Part 1a: Dialectics, babeyyyyyyyy

Dualism. Homestuck is full of it. If you look closely, you’ll find it everywhere in the story. You’ll also find plenty of it in real life - adherents of the dialectical method tend to conceive of any “thing” - thing here meaning “physical artefact, concept, fundamental force, person, &c&c. - as a unity of two conflicting opposites. As it just so happens, the Classes and Aspects are about exactly that. For example, the Aspects (on the meta level) can be paired off like so - 

{Hope and Rage = Belief and disbelief &

Heart and Mind = Essence and existence (or intention and consequence if you prefer)} = Conclusions and conceptions [from whence we draw them]

{Space and Time = Inception and culmination &

Light and Void = Perception and oblivion} = Reality and perception [thereof]

{Life and Doom = Growth and decay &

Blood and Breath = Attachment and detachment} = Relation and position [in the relationship]

- and the Classes like so –

{Rogue & Thief} and {Page & Knight} = Distribution and application (who has the Aspect and how are they applying it?)

{Bard & Prince} and {Sylph & Maid} = Destruction and creation (should more or less of the Aspect exist)

{Heir & Witch} and {Seer and Mage} = Manipulation and comprehension (what is the Aspect like, and will it remain so?)

(we’re going to set aside the Active-Passive deal, which is a dialectic in its own right, for the moment.)

The important thing to note here is that each component of an opposed pair/quartet of Classes and Aspects is both opposed to and dependent upon its counterpart(s). One cannot believe a things without disbelieving another thing, nor can you disbelieve a thing without believing another; likewise, one cannot manipulate a thing without first understanding it to a degree, and cannot understand a thing without to some degree manipulating it (and so on).

Part 1b: Knowing Your Role

I think the best way to determine your Role is to determine your Aspect first, then to determine your Class Function based on how you interact with your Aspect. Finally, you’ll determine whether you play an Active Role or a Passive one (which I’ll cover in greater depth in a moment, but which ultimately boils down to

To determine your own Aspect, as I see it, you need to think about the following things, in roughly the following order (though the order isn’t all that strict) –

·         Do you feel most drawn to the dialectic of belief and conception, of reality and perception, or of relation and position? (These correspond to the Personal, Actual, and Cyclical Aspect Sources from my 3x4 Aspect Theory)

·         Within that Source, do you feel most drawn to the former or the latter concept?

·         Within that concept, do you feel most drawn to the former or latter Aspect?

For example, if one felt most drawn to the dialectic of Relation and Position, one would then compare their relationship to those two concepts. If one were to decide that they felt most drawn to the process of interrelation as a whole, rather than to their own position within that process, one would then compare the two given processes of interrelation, Doom and Life, growth and decay. Because these last two notions are so directly opposed to one another, it shouldn’t be difficult to choose between them. Your Aspect represents the most salient repeated pattern in your life’s narrative, while your Class represents the way in which you, as the protagonist of the narrative, aspire to interact with that pattern. So, suppose our hypothetical Role-seeker were to settle on decay (Doom) as the most consistent pattern in their life – perhaps they’ve literally suffered material losses, or perhaps they’re just attracted to the aesthetic of Doom and decay as it manifests in their lives. Either of those “callings” is equally valid, and equally likely to suggest that one is (for example) Doom-bound. If this process seems overly loose, open-ended, and chaotic, that’s because it is; Classpecting is an art, not a science.

Now suppose our Doom-bound player wants to find their Class. They’d go through a rather similar process – first, they’ll select which question / functional dialectic comes closest to encompassing their aspirations, their designs, on their Aspect. Do they care most about the Aspect’s position/purpose, its existence/nonexistence, or its nature/potential for change? Perhaps they’re most interested in the nature of Doom, rather than how much of it is present or what is being done with it. They’d then decide whether they want to understand that nature, or alter that nature, which should leave them with a single Active-Passive pair – the Mage and the Seer.

In order to determine whether one aspires to play an Active or a Passive role, there are many questions that one might ask oneself. In general, however, the following principles tend to preside –

·         Active Heroes tend to interact with their Aspect for their own benefit, rather than the benefit of the Aspect or of other individuals; they will likely consider the Aspect to serve them, rather than considering themselves to serve the Aspect; and they will be most adept at interacting with their Aspect in particularly intense or unique ways. They may be considered to induce or provoke activity of a particular kind in their Aspect. They tend to have more precise control over their Aspect, at the expense of raw potential.

·         Passive Heroes tend to interact with their Aspect for the benefit of the Aspect, or for the benefit of those close to them; they will likely consider themselves to serve the Aspect, rather than vice versa; and they will be most adept at interacting with their Aspect in intuitive or natural ways. They may be considered to invite or allow activity of a particular kind in their Aspect. They tend to have more raw potential within their Aspect’s domains than they have control over how that potential manifests.

So, to finish our hypothetical example Classpect investigation, our Doom-bound Comprehension-player may decide they are more interested in forcing their way towards a precise personal understanding of Doom than they are inclined to inviting contemplation of Doom’s mysteries. This would suggest that they’re an Active player, and with that final piece of information, they can conclude that they’re a Mage of Doom!! Note that it’s normal to be pulled in both directions when contemplating this question – the key is to remember that your Class is a representation of who you aspire to be, not who you are right now. The Game is a coming-of-age story, and heroes don’t go into it without a long and winding road ahead of them.

~

And that’s it for part one!! There will no doubt be More to Come, but I hope you found this basic outline of my Classpecting system at least somewhat helpful. Thanks for the ask!!

~ P L U R ~

#Classpecting #Classpect #Classpect analysis #Homestuck #Classpect Theory #Class #Aspect #Mythological Role #anon #ask

[metalbatandzenko]

all the numbers owo

GrCUnA gaoh god sdljhdkjshfkjsh

This is gonna get long so I’ll put it under the cut. I’m also gonna remove the ones I’ve answered already.

1. What fandoms do you write for?

OPM and AtLA. I have a Miraculous Ladybug fic, but the creator is a nightmare and I hate the way the show treats the main character (literally the creator said part of the show’s episode formula is the main character “learns a lesson” every episode: usually through humiliation) and all the characters of color so I really don’t write for it anymore.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Batarou, Mumensai, and I do general fics.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My Miraculous Ladybug fic. By like. a lot akfdjhlgkjhfdlkg

It’s got triple the subscriptions and bookmarks, double the hits, and more kudos than any of my other fics. And I haven’t updated since January.

4. Do you write original stories as well?

I do! I’m a creative writing major, so I do a lot of memoir nonfiction and poetry, but I also write fictional short stories.

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

I don’t think there is one! Different strokes and all. But if you weren’t aware, I’m working on an ATLA fic rn about Zuko trying to repair his relationship with Azula. Not for this fandom, but a fun fic for me because it’s a bit out of my wheelhouse.

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

Out of the ones I’ve been in, voltron.

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

There are...a lot. For the sake of my mental well being, I will not list them. But I will say any ship between a teen and someone in their mid twenties or beyond is a no go for me.

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

Begrudgingly, Ao3. I have my issues with Ao3 and I think I’ve made those pretty clear (and they’ve gotten me into some hot water lmao) but it’s a good place to put fics.

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

I could not tell you. I am so bad at staying motivated. Certain fics I love writing. Others feel like I’m pulling teeth.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Hidden Horns. By a lot. like 20k words a lot.

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

A bit of both, but I lean towards laughing. The world needs more light.

13. What is your planning process?

Depends on the fic. For short ones or oneshots, there really isn’t one. For longer fics, I’ll have an outline, but a lot of times I’m laying tracks as I go. If I think of a good scene or line, I’ll write it down and just keep it at the end of my doc until it comes up in the story.

15. OCs or no OCs?

OC’s only when they’re necessary for plot. For example, Madame Oshitani in Hidden Horns only really showed up because I needed a piano teacher, and I couldn’t have it be an existing hero. Outside of that, I tend to avoid putting OC’s in fics, because I find them disruptive when I’m reading fics.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Sometimes! Hidden Horns was based off of this fanart. If they are, I make sure to note that in the notes.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

Yeah you got:

A (Not So) Brief Hiatus-Miraculous Ladybug

Promises to Keep-OPM/batarou

Little Boy-OPM/Metal Bat centric

A Game of Chase-OPM/batarou

Not Invincible-OPM/batatou death

Someone Fun-OPM/Mumensai

Date With the Devil-OPM/Mumensai sequel

Something of Note-OPM/Mumensai

Conduct Evil-OPM/batarou

Grief and Other Intangibles-OPM/Zombiedad and CE death

Horns and Fangs Series (Hidden Horns and Fear and Fangs)-OPM/batarou

Spaghetti and Juiceboxes-OPM/Zombiedad and CE

I guess they don't like me but I never figured out why (I guess they think I don't like them either)-ATLA/Zuko reaches out to Azula

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

Conduct Evil at a whopping 354 words.

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

They vary! Mine tend to be pretty short, like 1k-4k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

*sweats* Like 17 at least

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Rude to assume I won’t finish all of them eight if I’m lucky

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

Third. I hate writing in first person except for in nonfiction.

27. Do you take requests?

Kind of. If people send me an ask that I vibe with, I might write something, but as a general rule, no. I’ve been considering doing commissions though, so if you want to toss a coin to your bitcher lmk

28. I will name you three things (object — scenario — fandom/ship): write a paragraph or two!

I can’t do this one without those three kdjhflkjsdh

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

They’re difficult in different ways, but original is way harder.

Original work means there’s zero scaffolding to build off of except for the scaffolding you make yourself, and there’s a lot of issues with worldbuilding and creating complex and relatable characters.

Fanfic relies on a solid understanding of existing characters and dynamics, as well as the internal logic of the world. The scaffolding is there, but often times it’s stifling.

30. What writing software do you use?

Word and Google Docs fkjhslgkjh

31. Do you use beta/sensitive readers?

Nope. I probably should though.

32. Past or present tense?

Past. I can’t consistently write in present.

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

Some of my friends do. I’ve shared some with them! I use fanfic as warmup, so a lot of my writing friends know about my fics.

34. How did you find the world of fanfics?

I wrote Adventure Time fanfic on middle school and published them on an Adventure Time facebook group. They were wildly popular in the group.

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

I don’t think so tbh.

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

If it did, I wouldn’t know. But I highly doubt it.

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

No because I can’t stick to a deadline.

39. Collaborations or working solo?

I’ve never done a collaboration before.

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

I rely really heavily on dialogue and I’m suuuper aware of it. I think the thing is I do a lot of domestic fics, and even my story fics tend to be pretty domestic. I’m looking at you Hidden Horns

My original work doesn’t tend to lean on it as heavily.

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

I am a die hard found family bitch. Nothing guilty about it.

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

Yes, actually. The aforementioned middle school fic got mini fancomic for the first chapter, and I wrote a Miraculous Ladybug ficlet in a fic chain that got fanart.

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

I think there might be one that was inspired by my fic, but I can’t remember tbh.

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

My ATLA fic!!! give it some love tf :/ (kidding of course.)

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

Yeah, here you go:

The hero removed his coat and dropped it on the ground, where it landed with a solid “thud”.

He unhooked the holster under his arms, removed a knife from both boots, and unstrapped the machetes from his back.

They joined the trench coat in the pile.

Garou watched in equal parts awe and horror as Zombieman continued to produce weapons from increasingly improbable locations.

Finally, when the pile at his feet was large enough to arm a private militia, Zombieman stopped.

“I’ve got a pistol in my chest, but I’d prefer not to take that one out,” he said, pushing past Garou. “Feels rude to invite myself over then get blood all over the tatami.”

#hidden horns #Anonymous

[thegeneralsnotebook]

July Feature: History of Colours Part 3 -- Purple

One of the things that I was a little afraid of going into this series about the histories of each of the main colours was that after the first few entries, the series would start to get a bit dry. I would have already talked about the big decks and so the later colours wouldn’t have a whole lot left to mention that hadn’t already been said. So far at least, I’m glad to say that this hasn’t happened, and now it looks like maybe it’ll be okay. After all, we’ve got a lot of important cards to mention when we get to Pink, and again when we get to Orange, and again when we get to Blue. So I don’t think that we’re going to run into any problems on that front at all. In any case, this month is about Purple, and it’s a colour that has its own narrative to tell.

That, by the way, is another thing which has surprised me so far in my research. Each of the colours so far has had a relatively nice theme emerge around their history as I pulled it together. Yellow’s was a tale of a brilliant beginning, a long period of loss, and then a slow but strong rebirth. White’s was a surprisingly thematic tale of a colour that, while it had given up the spotlight, had never given up the stage. For Purple, things are a little different, but no less appropriate, especially given the colour’s new royal connotations. Purple, I’ve found, has been a colour all about establishing dynasties, lines of decks passing a torch from one generation to the next, traceable back to a touchstone concept from older times. It was impressive how far back some of these lines reached, and indeed a few decks that I had thought emerged from whole cloth were actually perched on the shoulders of past giants that I had never even heard of before. 

Before we get started, I want to again extend heartfelt thanks to my source on all matters of the predate my experience with the game’s competitive scene: the one and only Emperor Bugle. This time I really would have been up the creek if not for him, though we’ll get to that particular event in its due time.

For now, come along with me, as we unveil the saga of the Dynasties of Purple.

Two big cards with big effects, but generally used for slightly different things.

Formative Days

As with all of the colours, the story of Purple has to begin at the beginning, at the dawn of Premier. There were three major decks featuring Purple at the time, but I have covered Royal Guidance and Taxes in the Yellow and White articles respectively, and I won’t be going into further detail on them here. Instead, let’s focus on our first touchstone, though in this case the torch first lit by Big Bombs was not to be picked up by Purple, and instead was eventually passed to a different colour, which we’ll talk about in its due time.

Now, I would not be surprised by a slight sense of deja vu encountered when first clicking on that link, because indeed this early deck does bear a striking resemblance to some Harmony Purple Farming decks that have been active as recently as this year’s Winter Store Championships. The modern versions have significantly less Friends, different Epics, and some useful Resources in them, but the basic idea is absolutely still the same. PR Twilight contributes well to fighting Epics when paired with a lot of extra flip Events and a high-flipping deck in general. In addition the deck features a good host of what Purple control tools existed at the time, capped off by the brilliant Ursa Vanquisher, a card which may or may not be showing up again in this article a little ways down the page. Indeed, this was Farming before the term “Farming” was even part of the CCG vernacular. And, your eyes do not deceive you where that Full Steam in the upper left is considered. Once upon a time, a 4/0/4 vanilla actually did deserve to be a Rare, and especially in a deck so focused on its flips it was an excellent card to have.

As we move along into Canterlot Nights, we come to a deck that I’ve mentioned before, in the moment that it came during White’s article. I gave it little more than a footnote at that time, but I don’t believe that this time I can get by without giving it a full treatment. Unfortunately, I am also not qualified to properly discuss the minutiae of its construction, so for that I will defer to my source, who has written rather extensively on the topic. I refer of course to One Pace (and seriously do block some time from your schedule if you intend on clicking that link; when I said Bugle had written extensively I wasn’t kidding). One Pace is an important deck for a lot of reasons, and probably could serve as the basis for a whole article all on its own. From my research I can confidently enough say that what you see in there is the foundation upon which combo was built, a formulation of reduced-cost Events and deck-thinning that rings eerily recognizable even today. History may not repeat itself, as Mark Twain said, but it sure does often rhyme.

Finally, we close off these early days with a little list that may not have ever captured much in the way of tournament success, but certainly captured a fair few hearts and minds in its time in the public eye. This being the Antisocial Luna Farming deck that first came at the concept of building a deck with no Friends, and was a popular-enough topic of discussion.

The times, they were a’changin, and Purple was finding its stride.

The Great Realignment

Every one of these articles, I’ve realized, is going to contain a section that could plausibly be headlined by DJ and Maud, even in the colours other than Orange and Pink. Simply put, Rock & Rave was such a momentous and seminal event in the history of the game that the time before and the time after it must be kept separate from each other.

In Purple’s case, however, there was at least a small amount of time before the Great Pink & Orange War fully took hold where one new dynasty was able to be laid down, and what an important dynasty it wound up being. At this point, we have advanced to the 2014 NA Continental Championships, and within the Top 8 of that event there were two important Purple decks.

The first was the winner of the whole thing, a deck named Maudlike, notable for being one of the very first competitively successful tri-colour lists, and itself a harbinger of things to come with its relatively slow, Farming/Control oriented playstyle. Indeed, while Maud was to become best-known in a pure Farming context, her strengths in a Control deck willing to use her Power to consistently confront Problems have also been broadly recognized throughout history. And yes, here we see Ursa Vanquisher again, still devastatingly effective at defending Troublemakers in a world so lacking in other ways of dealing with them.

But in actuality I think that it is the other Purple list that appears in the Top 8 that is the more important one to take note of. It’s a deck that I personally had never heard of before doing this research, but it appears that it may be the progenitor of the Vinyl/Purple control dynasty, which as we all know eventually led to brilliant success. Unfortunately the original primer for the deck has since been removed from Reddit, but here again Bugle saved me, and so I can present to you Charlotte’s Tower. The key theme that I would pull from this deck is repeatability, as so many of its key control features are repeatable, and especially difficult to deal with in an era where Resource removal was not always considered quite so essential as it is today. It’s easy to see the hallmarks of features that we would come to expect in a modern control deck, with targeted answers against opposing Troublemakers, limited but effective removal, and so much value generation, whether it be AT with All Team Organizer, or cards with DJ. It’s an important piece of history, so I was very happy when this decklist surfaced.

Now, as we move on to the Absolute Discord era, it is true that Purple’s fortunes fade somewhat. Pink and Orange rose to the fore, and there will be more to write about this time as we get to those colours. But I do want to make two important notes here.

The first concerns Princess Luna, The Setting Moon, a card which entered the game in Celestial Solstice and left an indelible impression, particularly in the field of combo. I don’t believe that I’ve managed to avoid mentioning Dragon Express in any of the previous articles, but I’ll save the full writeup for one of the most infamous decks in history for the Orange article.

The second is about a deck that I discovered while hunting around for decklists of the other items on this list. It hadn’t come up in my discussion with Bugle, but the contemporary sources mentioned it as a “meta” deck of the time period, so I thought it was probably worth including. It went by the name of Dusk Radiance Mastery, and is mostly closely viewed as an evolution of the ideas first expressed in Royal Guidance, though with a few key updates. Most notable at the time was the inclusion of Twilight Sparkle, Friendship is Magic as the Mane. It also included some fine tech to deal with the meta, like Critter Stampede to crush One Pace’s needed 6 AT to play its Element of Magic. A fine inheritor of what was at the time a flickering flame. Not to fear, though. Unlike Yellow, Purple’s time in the shadows turned out to be very brief.

Stride found.

EO Block: The Age of Legends

EO Block is where the modern Purple story really starts. All at once, the colour got a lot of amazing cards. And then it got even more in HM. And then even more in MT. The result was a colour that was a juggernaut in competitive play, with multiple viable archetypes, and a foundation for a dynasty that was set to last a long time.

Before we talk about decklists, there are a number of individual cards that need to be mentioned. The first is the new Mane Character that the colour received in EO: Princess Twilight Sparkle, Ambassador of Friendship. It didn’t take long for people to realize that Purple’s new keyword in the set, Meticulous, was an excellent ability for Control, and this card’s ability to start making it happen on Turn 2 when paired with Ancient Research as a starting Problem was a great starting point for any Control deck. Plus, Twilight got you extra AT too, a theme that was going to keep building as more sets came out. HM granted the colour Princess Twilight Sparkle, Cover to Cover, an absurd value generator that quickly earned a reputation as an automatic inclusion in virtually any Purple deck. And finally, there is the Purple EO Event suite, backstopped by the card that eventually got banned, Interdimensional Portal.

Portal, by the way, was already doing unfortunate things as soon as EO released, though at the time everyone was blaming the new Pink/White Bulk Biceps. All Tied Up, which made a strong impression on the scene before being quite swiftly banned, offered only a taste of what was to come. In addition to using Portal for its more traditional Control roles, that deck was able to take advantage of a fortuitous interaction with Bulk to create an infinite supply of 2-AT Immediate speed removal.

HM and MT were where the colour really hit its stride though, with HM offering us another touchstone, Zipporwhil and the dynasty of classical Purple/X control that followed it. By the time MT hit and gave us Purple/White multicolour cards for the first time, White was cemented as the dominant secondary colour for Purple, and the combination became a mainstay in tournaments all over the world. The two colours admittedly suffered somewhat from being incredibly slow when paired together, and often failed to win within the allotted time limit even if they would have theoretically pulled ahead if given infinite time. But Purple had established one of its most successful dynasties, and one that would continue right up to the establishment of Core.

However, Purple/White was not the only important multicolour combination that we got from MT. Indeed yet another dynasty was going to be founded, this one utilizing Orange, and blazing a trail for classical Chaos Control, best typified by Grand Pause’s Waking Nightmare, here depicted in its 2016 NA Continentals T8 form. Similar to how archetypal Purple/White control relied on Eff Stop to replay control-oriented Events, so too could these make use of cycled Chaos effects to frustrate an opponent’s attempts to break down its walls. This also maintained its form for quite a while and inspired many successors, including (one assumes) the Chaos Control that New Dawn seems likely to bring us.

Oh, by the way, Tantabuse was somewhere in here too, and included some Purple, but I will get to it in its own due time.

Finally, rounding off the EO Block, there was another entry in the 2016 NA Continentals worth mentioning, Too Spoopy, placing in the T16. This Blue/Purple combination was something of an oddity for its time, playing Purple at an extremely anomalous speed. Even so, its combination of large amounts of frighten synergy and strong Events from both of its colours proved potent.

Some dynasties are built to last.

The Modern Era

The start of Defenders of Equestria, even though it wasn’t actually the beginning of the Core format, is still the point I use as the beginning of the current “Modern Era” of the CCG. And from this point forward, most of the decks being covered here should be relatively familiar to most of the readership. Essentially through this era Purple remained the King (or should I perhaps say Princess) of value, though Ambassador began to fall off somewhat in favour of a resurgent DJ Mane. While DE may be remembered generally as the era of Hot Wings, and of Pink in general, Purple still managed to feature on both sides of the 2017 NA Continental Final.

Bugle’s eventual winning deck Vinyl’s Bag of Tricks was already mentioned in the White article, and will get its full credit in the Pink article. Instead, I want to dedicate this space to discussion of the deck that got 2nd, the one simply and poetically called Butts.

In some senses, as a DJ/Purple control deck, Butts appeared superficially similar to the broad direction that Purple was going in around this time. Indeed, watching the Finals match between these two offered a… qualified form of thrills, but I can personally attest that it was a grand thing to watch. When we dig closer into Butts though, it becomes plain that this is a deck absolutely going its own way. Most obvious is the 53 card total, even now an extreme anomaly, and quite a bit more so in an era where consistency was absolutely everything when playing control. But probably even more important than that is the fact the deck is only playing two colours, and bucked the by-then nearly-universal trend of splashing White for Eff Stop and point acceleration. Instead, eminently_sensible committed to making it work with only two colours, and it’s a testament to his own skill that he was able to make it work so well. Per usual on these important and highly-technical decks, I defer to the author himself, in the link above.

Now, that brings us to the Beyond Block, and, thankfully for me, brings the end of this article into clear sight. Not so quickly though, because no sooner did Seaquestria get started than we saw another dynasty laid down, its echoes and heirs still making themselves felt in the present day. That deck was BRB, here depicted in its 2018 NA Continentals incarnation, reaching second as piloted by George Z. Purple and Pink yet again come together, but in the new Core format and so decidedly changed from their past allegiance. BRB was a cornerstone deck in the realignment of the Control playstyle that was happening in the aftermath of the first Core rotation, and while honest debate persists as to whether it can be correctly referred to as a Control deck, I personally fall on the side that says it is. This simply was what Control had become in the new era, no longer so reliant on Troublemakers but much more keen on removal and taking its points from confronts and faceoffs when they were available. It’s even perhaps somewhat fitting that it passed its torch on to the same three colours that Bugle had won with in 2017, completing a thematic loop as Tempest Pink/White emerged as the Control standard-bearer in a meta that was getting swamped by the resurgent Yellow. Notably, there was a Blue variant as well that managed to reach 2nd Place at the 2019 EFNW tournament.

Finally, rounding out the notable modern decks, we do have one more that could form a dynasty all its own, that being Alicorn Tribal as popularized by i8Pages in an Everfree Northwest T4 from 2019. Certainly it’s an open question for the future to see if that style of deck will see any heirs, but in a world where tri-corns are going to keep being a thing it’s a reasonable guess to make that there exists some potential for it.

New Dawn: Looking Ahead

Purple has enjoyed an amazingly storied history over the course of the development of the game’s meta. Many trends and larger arcs owe their beginning to an idea that was originally expressed with a Purple deck, and in the present day the colour has a well-earned reputation for being very good at the things it does: control, Troublemakers, and value through AT generation. What this means though, is that New Dawn is shaping up to offer an exciting, if uncertain future. Current signs point to some novel directions to the colour, with a firmer eye toward farming, and some legitimate arrows pointing in the direction of aggro. And if there should be any theme that jumps out about the history of Purple, it should be the relative lack of effective aggro. Thus the onset of New Dawn appears to be precisely that where Purple is concerned, and who knows if next year we will even recognize the colour that it has become. Yet even then, I think we can rest assured when we look back on this era, we’ll be able to trace a line of decks owing their inspiration and substance to an important foundation that emerged somewhere in the mists of the new set.

#mlpccg #history

[quillfulwriter]

A Hero’s Burden: KH3 Spoilers

So I was doing some thinking on Luxu and Sora, and the parallels between them as protagonists of their own stories (though Luxu doesn't have a game at the moment, of course)... And how much I'd love to analyze that like the nerd I am. 

And here we are!

So many KH3 spoilers below | 1200 words (10 min.)

Luxu

Sadly, there's not much on Luxu himself before he returns as Xigbar. But I can glean some information from The Case of Luxu!

And yeah, he's not exactly a hero, per se, but he's got a quest and a mentor and bear with me here

The Gazing Eye

The Keyblade he was given didn't have a name, but Luxu assumed this was its name. It's something both literal and philosophical— there is literally an eye in it and it gives MoM the ability to see into the future.

And once he's told it has no name, he repeats "No Name" with a breathless interest, giving the Keyblade a closer look. It's safe for us to assume, then, that he's a philosophical person who looks for deeper meaning in things and that he also reveres the Master of Masters like all the Foretellers do.

Whatever he told Luxu, the seventh member would have been interested and sought depth in the message he was given— whether it was there or not.

EWWW

But when he's told that it's the Master's eye, he recoils and says "ew" immediately. From his voice here in particular, we can assume Luxu was young. Perhaps Sora's age at Kingdom Hearts 1, but likely a little bit older.

Here's where it gets interesting, though. When MoM asks him accusingly if he thinks that's gross, Luxu hesitantly answers, "N-no." He holds his hand out towards MoM in a disarming gesture, looking a little crestfallen.

So even though he just said Ew and clearly thinks it's gross, he said he didn't. Why lie? Based on his body language, he either didn't want to disappoint MoM or didn't want to hurt his feelings.

Later in life, I would call that a manipulation, but Luxu's overall sincerity and inability to hold back his emotional responses here (such as recoiling and saying ew), I think it's truly a little bit of both.

His Role

When he's told his role, he makes the connections quickly— his role is what allows the Book of Prophecies to exist. Luxu is smart, but for now, he tends to think in linear patterns. As most people do.

MoM tries to congratulate him on a job well done, but Luxu only said, "But I haven't done anything yet." This is a far cry from his actions as Xigbar, who sits on ceilings and casually warps space regularly while also helping out with some heart science and time travel.

The first step of his role was the most brutal, which I'll expand on in this next section.

Luxu's Disposition

Given how jumpy he can be, he's likely kept to himself for the most part in his youth, possibly even being distrusting.

At one point, MoM says bingo and points in Luxu's face and the younger man jumps and draws back to get some distance between them. This tells me Luxu dislikes sudden movements and people being in his space.

That said, all the Foretellers knew who he was even when he was Xigbar and presumably didn't look like himself. So they knew him well enough to recognize his heart regardless of its vessel, at least.

His isolation during his role that took literally hundreds of years to see to fruition did not do him any favors in this regard. Especially considering he didn't want to go alone and asked if he really had to, even wondering aloud what the other Foretellers would be doing.

With that and his eagerness to help MoM when pulling out the box, I think it's a fair claim that Luxu doesn't necessarily like people, but he's loyal to those who are close to him. He dismissed his Keyblade the second he realized MoM was struggling with the box, running over to help him even though the job was mostly done.

And his promise to not open the box if he was told what was inside was softly spoken, but sincere, further cementing the notion that he's devoted to those he already holds close.

But he's also very curious and loves to push boundaries. If he's told no, it just makes him want to do whatever it is more. Like not knowing what was in the box paired with not being able to open it made him really want to know what was inside.

And even when MoM told him what was in the box, he wanted to know why. This driven curiosity carried over to his time as Xigbar in the most destructive of ways, where learning secrets was worth nearly any cost.

His Descent

When he was told to just stand by and watch "as things unfold between the others", the direct instructions from MoM, it was probably actually difficult to do. See them turning on one another, these people that he cared about and trusted, and worse yet— they were bringing the whole world down with them.

It's no wonder that he grew to value emotional ties so little. It was those ties, their hearts, that led them so wrong. This affirmed that Luxu was right to distrust people, even friends, and that was the start of his descent down a slippery slope.

And now I draw my parallel.

With Sora!

He's curious, competitive, thoughtful, and loyal. Sora values his friends above all else and there's nothing he won't do for them.

To someone like Luxu, who started his journey by watching his friends destroy each other and the lives of those around him, it must be hard to see someone with a good deal in common with his younger self.

Sora also watched one of his friends turn on him, even going so far as to make him feel worthless.

But he was able to act. He wasn't confined to a role. Sora stepped in and didn't lose faith in his friends. Whether Luxu thinks he's a fool who only put off the inevitable betrayal or resents him for being able to save the people he cared about (or a third option I can't see yet), Sora is a reminder of how Luxu used to be.

Worse, how he could have been.

Then you get into meta narrative bits, like Kairi and Riku either expressly telling Sora or implying that he should never change.

As Sora battles with his insecurities, especially in KH3, it's possible for him to go down a similar path as Luxu and lose his hope and optimism. For someone like Sora, that would make him change completely.

I can't say that Kairi and Riku knew that was a risk or if Nomura is teasing that option with Sora. But I personally find it interesting that Luxu can be paralleled with Sora, at least with how they began their journeys, and I hope it is highlighted in some future game or DLC.

But most of all, I hope you had fun reading this!

Like what you see? Support me on Patreon or Ko-fi!

#meta #analysis #video games #kingdom hearts #kh3 spoilers #spoilers #kh luxu #kh sora #kh meta #kingdom hearts meta #my meta

[doshmanziari]

Economy and Thematic Structure: Symphony of the Night's Level Design

[N.B.: This piece was originally featured on Gamasutra. I was inspired to post it here too after watching the Boss Keys YouTube video on Symphony of the Night’s world design and finding the analysis shallow and unoriginal.]

"Why is Castlevania: Symphony of the Night good?" is a question that's been asked countless times over the years since the game's release on the PlayStation in 1997. People seem almost desperate to know the answer to this in the wake of similarly modeled but less acclaimed titles such as Aria of Sorrow and Order of Ecclesia. It seems that no matter how many explicative lists are written, Symphony of the Night (hereafter shortened to SotN or Symphony) is representative of an unplaceable magic; thus, its staying power. That's the typical narrative, anyway. As someone who does think that Symphony is indeed good, I have my own answers -- answers that I think stand out from the usual enumerations -- to that question. I'll attempt to lay some of them out here.

The most common thing you're bound to hear in support of SotN's quality is its maximalism: that the game is so stuffed and gilded with "pointless" details that one comes to adoringly approach it as a curious, jewel-like creature. It's a trait that's perhaps more valued now than ever before, as mainstream game development has become a monstrous, multi-million-dollar endeavor that discourages strangeness and obtuse secrecy partly for fear of lacking recuperative sales. As worn out as it is, this is a good point. Symphony expresses a sort of creative freedom that's all the more reinforced by Koji Igarashi's comments in this video from 2015 -- a freedom that came from the purgatorial point in time in which the game was made, when Konami's direction for the series was vague. What we got was a game made by a small group of people who had little resistance to including every trifle, even if that trifle's inclusion meant several more hours of work.

I'll come right out and say that Symphony's castle is my object of interest as a player and a critic. I've always been entranced by how a wide range of elements -- the backgrounds' incredible rendering, the variety of colorful monsters, Michiru Yamane's indispensable score, and more -- came together to make the castle have a life force that felt like it existed beyond the constraints of a television screen. So what's sort of interesting, in the context of this discussion, is that SotN's castle isn't really maximalist in look or layout. It's certainly eclectic, if you're comparing one of its sectors to another, but it's not defined by excess, and to call it "sprawling" is only half-accurate. In fact, as the series progressed with the return of Igarashi as producer on 2002's Harmony of Dissonance, there came to be a sort of inverse maximalism, relative to SotN, at play in the overall scheme of things. All of the rococo stuff that intertwined with the mechanics (e.g., a familiar spirit being able to tell you where hidden rooms were) got whittled down; meanwhile, the game worlds grew in quantitative size, culminating in 2006's Portrait of Ruin that boasted a 1000% (hey: that's bigger than 200.6%!) completion rate.

"Economy" and "focus" are words you'll pretty much never hear spoken in reference to SotN, but they're nonetheless, and perhaps surprisingly, good words to use when trying to explain what makes its castle stand out from the other so-called Igavanias. I'm going to be speaking in somewhat broad terms here just to avoid getting too entrenched in specifics, but I'm also going to try to avoid cherry-picking comparative material. After all, it's not as if Symphony's qualities were entirely unrecognizable in its progeny. The point I want to make here isn't that SotN is perfect, or that everything went to hell after 1997. I'd rather like to say that Symphony's level design, in general, has a clarity and consistency that never resurfaced with the same potency in the series since its release.

Let's first take a look at the Royal Chapel. This is one of my favorite places in Symphony, and a great example of the qualities I mentioned. Now look at Harmony of Dissonance's equivalent: the coupled Corridor in the Air and Chapel of a Heretic. The difference here is striking. Although there are parallels between the two (for example, the Chapel of a Heretic has several halls that are modeled on those jutting out from the Royal Chapel's towers; note the windows' shape), the Royal Chapel has a cleanliness, even a linearity, to its organization. It's easy to follow with the eye, and there's no mistaking that the navigational theme, starting from the bottom, is ascent. And this sense isn't just something selectively derived from the perspective of seeing the whole map at once. For one, you've got the longest continuous staircase in the game; for another, there's a central tower that's allowed to rise as tall as it wants without any horizontal redirections, and a couple of also unbroken shorter towers thereafter. This ascensional theme is also bolstered by the progression of environmental details you can see beyond the Royal Chapel's borders. A hilly coniferous forest gradually gives way to an indigo sky and a stream of clouds, with the forest now a distant sight.

So, we've got an environment here that directs our movement along a specific main route, and it's complemented by the theme of escalating verticality. When we come to Harmony's Corridor in the Air, though, it's difficult to figure out what the layout is trying to communicate. The spaces are visually unified but structurally disorganized. It's as if the level design is trying to pull off a bunch of stuff at once at the expense of letting any of it develop. Although disorganization can be interesting (and there are arguably other ways, outside of this essay's range, to interpret Harmony's castle), in this case the environment is missing the narrative of progression that's part of what makes the Royal Chapel such a pleasure to go through. A bit of focus is brought in with the Chapel of Heretic, if only because there are no branching paths, but its appearance seems to ask more than ever for a comparison to the Royal Chapel, and it can't favorably compare. You're undeniably ascending, but the majority of the rooms you're traversing are horizontal, and this dulls the actual feeling of ascending.

The top of the Chapel of a Heretic -- that large room with the long staircase -- brings to mind another subject, due to its parallel to the Royal Chapel's staircase, and this is the use of a room as a dramatic device with fulfilled, or unfulfilled, implications. The Royal Chapel's staircase is interesting because it's a dramatic structure (extensive, singular, complemented by richly ornamented recesses, and the way in which you're properly introduced to the Royal Chapel) involved with the navigational theme of descent that produces a sense of anticipation (e.g., "This staircase is so long; I wonder what it's leading to"); and this is fulfilled in the form of the gorgeous chapel sidelined by stained-glass windows and terminating in an altar. In elementary terms, the Royal Chapel's staircase displays a set-up/payoff dynamic.

Rather than compare this to the Chapel of a Heretic's staircase, though, I'd like to pit it against Portrait of Ruin's Great Stairway, whose namesake is a pair of chambers containing long staircases. Comparisons to the Royal Chapel here are perhaps most apt because the Great Stairway's stairs are similarly staffed by Corner/Hill Guards and also have overhanging ledges with collectible items. The problem the Great Stairway runs into is that neither staircase offers anything aside from sheer size and those aforementioned call-backs. The chambers' opposing extremities lead to nondescript transitional rooms with no major or minor drama beyond, and each is side by side, which only calls attention to how similarly structured both chambers are. This is especially bad because these chambers are the largest rooms in the castle (as demonstrated by the game's map), on top of locationally representing its "heart", and yet the take-away is that the designers were more concerned with filling space via copy-pasting than with having the architecture be engaged in any sort of dialogue with itself.

Something else I'd like to talk about is how generous Symphony is with giving its places breathing room. Breathing room is important because it allows environments to better develop on their own terms, helps to thematically distinguish areas, and assists in our ability to mentally organize them individually and in relation to the entire game world (something that is its own form of entertainment). This is a trait that ties back into the visual lucidness of the Royal Chapel's layout. It's illuminating to compare Symphony's map with that of Dawn of Sorrow. It becomes clear here what I'm talking about with breathing room: Dawn's map appears to be on a mission to cover as much space as possible (so much so that the bit of negative space on the top left feels like an oversight), but when we look at Symphony's, it's not too much of a leap to estimate that nearly half of the map is negative space.

This isn't a detail that's only appreciated in the abstraction of a map, either. If we review Dawn of Sorrow's Dark Chapel, we can pick out points of visual continuity and hierarchical structure. For instance, the second boss' room (Malphas) is stacked directly atop the first boss' room (Dmitrii) with the shared visual element of the organ, and Malphas' room is headlined by a corridor that follows the three rooms' progression from the "underworld" to the "heavens." We might also note that the belfry rightly sits at the Chapel's highest point and is situated above a visually unified and equally wide pair of rooms. But the Chapel's upper body is so compressed that architectural decisions such as these fall flat; the literal compression becomes an expressive compression that isn't particularly relevant to the environment. The fact that I, as the player, am in that top corridor, suspended above the distant mountains, is something that's really only communicated by the background. In action, entering the corridor feels abrupt -- I've only ascended two "rooms"' worth (represented by a single square on the map), relative to Dmitrii's room -- and this abruptness is reinforced by looking at the map and seeing how awkwardly squished the corridor's supporting columns are against the roof of Malphas' room.

Does Symphony have no compressed environments? Absolutely not! Let's be attentive here, though. Its castle's two most compressed places, by far, are the Colosseum and the Catacombs. If there is any criticism to be made of this pair in terms of how their parts interlock, it is perhaps the immediate transitions between the bed of lava in the Catacombs' natural halls and its built rooms' foundations. But beyond this slip-up, these are successful instances of compression because that trait feels thematically relevant. It works for the Colosseum both because it renders the macro-structure's hard symmetry as even more explicit, and its smushed quality recalls the cramped quarters of an actual colosseum's hypogeum. Similarly, the Catacombs' compression works because it reinforces the area's claustrophobic associations, and the overall thrust of the environment -- strongly horizontal, and never higher than two "rooms" -- really drives home the sense that this truly is the castle's bedrock.

"Compression", in this context, can also refer to how sectioned an environment is. To this day, in my opinion, Symphony feels like the 2D explorative Castlevania with the largest scope, and I'm more or less convinced that feeling is partly, yet intimately, supported by its castle having relatively more rooms that are allowed to expand to larger extents without transitional splits, as indicated on the map by a lighter or broken line within a room's border. This perhaps sounds counterintuitive; we might rather suppose that more rooms equates to a larger scope. But this isn't necessarily true. The dimensional quality of a space's entirety is not solely communicated by the quantity of its partitions; it's also how willing it is to give us the time and room to dwell on that specific space before it switches to something else. Look at Symphony's map again and notice how the Outer Wall is mostly one vertical block; how the Clock Tower and the Long Library are two large chunks bookending a minority of smaller bits; how the Castle Keep is a big L-shape with a rectangular cluster to its right; or how the Underground Caverns largely are three horizontal rooms and three vertical rooms. In fact, the trend of building subsidiary spaces around dramatically primary spaces is Symphony's rule -- not the exception!

By the time of Harmony of Dissonance, this trend had already become a scarcity; and although things did improve irregularly (Aria of Sorrow is perhaps the closest a title produced by Igarashi ever came to matching Symphony's spatial dynamism), it's a trend that could not be more alien to 2008's Order of Ecclesia. It's curious that the only follow-up to Symphony which did not aggressively slenderize, straighten, and divide its castle's parts was 2001's Circle of the Moon, handled by the Kobe branch of Konami, and I don't think it's a coincidence that, of the GBA and DS Castlevania titles, its castle's scope is the most substantial. One part of me wants to say that things developed as they did because of a vastness of variables: evolving teams, tighter deadlines, an absent concern for the emphases of this article, and so on. Another part of me wants to say that the obsessive-compulsive leanings of these games became guiding principles; which is to say, the toning down of big rooms and the emphatic sectioning came about because it made grinding easier. It's hard to not side with this interpretation when there are moments such as a hall in Ecclesia that's split down the middle for seemingly no other reason than because the hall is long and each section has a different set of enemies.

I want to elaborate on the comment above about "straightening", because it probably isn't clear what I mean (and even if it is, it's worth picking at). When I refer to a castle's parts, or rooms, as "straight", it's a way of saying that their border-lines unite to make a shape that's either a square or rectangle. This is the standard, no matter which Castlevania, starting at Symphony and ending at Ecclesia, we're talking about; yet, like other things we've examined in this article, it's a standard with degrees of prevalence. Scan this map of Symphony's castle I've edited so that all of its irregular rooms -- fourteen total -- are marked by a green star (note how nine are of the primary/large variety, increasing their significance). Now scan this similarly edited map of Harmony's castle. Upon KCET's return as the series' developers, the number of irregular rooms shrank to four, and two were based upon a couple of rooms from Symphony: the Royal Chapel's stairway, and the Marble Gallery's basement chamber. After Harmony, the only map allowing irregular rooms was Aria of Sorrow, with a whopping single room at the castle's pinnacle.

It is again curious that KCEK's Circle of the Moon stands so decisively apart from these other titles: its castle has nearly forty irregular rooms. There's no way to know how Circle's developers approached designing the castle, but the presence of such a dramatically quantifiable characteristic suggests some kind of approach that differed from KCET's developers. How else do we account for that contrast? All things considered, it's my opinion that Symphony's castle is the most dynamic, thanks in large part to how thematically distinguished its areas are; but if we're talking about the varied usage of pure geometric space, Circle comes out on top. You might be wondering where I'm going with any of this, and in response I'd like to quote from a write-up I did of Circle back in 2012: ". . . it’s easy to overlook how a game’s boundaries affect our experience of its places, perhaps because a boundary is treated as the line where the level design ends. But a boundary is really a continuation of the level design. Though it may not be interactive with one’s avatar, it does interact with the enclosed content. It organizes the extent of our movement, and its geometry feeds into all those ineffably subtle reactions we have to the spirit of a place."

What else can be said? A lot, actually! We could discuss how frequently room-types are reused; how precisely and visually segregated an environment's districts are and its link to thematic articulation; or the rough interactive textures that Symphony's inverted castle affords, in spite of how "lazy" the procedure was to create the inverted castle. But I'm satisfied with breaking things off here and saving those ideas for future analyses or -- something that interests me more -- the input of readers. What do you think? Does any of this help you to understand Symphony of the Night in a new light? Have you been thinking these thoughts all along? Do some of the interpretations seem conceptually strained?

Thanks to Revned, Edsword, mephea, TerraEsperZ, Wileee, and Zeric for their hard work on screenshot-mapping Symphony of the Night's castle.

You can support my work on Patreon.

#Castlevania #symphony of the night #metroidvania #level design #videogame analysis #Harmony of Dissonance #Akumajou Dracula #order of ecclesia #portrait of ruin #Gekka no Yasoukyoku

[autumnslance]

For the fan-fic ask thing, number 3 in "Walk In the Wilds."

Walk in the Wilds

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

My first longer fic in years, and the first real multi-chapter narrative I posted to Ao3. It helped work back up a lot of the writing-brain-muscles. Also seemed to  give people the impression I can write Thancred half-decently.

I feel like going chapter by chapter on this one; there’s a lot I still like. Since that makes this one pretty long, under a cut it shall go:

Chapter 1: Life - I spent a lot of time on this before nervously posting, knowing I was committing myself to at least try and complete the fic, which I had a general outline for, helped by having a lot of it told to us secondhand in game and lore references.

Where was it even safe to go? If the Crystal Braves had turned on them, Revenant’s Toll was out of the question. He dismissed Coerthas immediately; he was cold enough already, and did not want to entirely freeze—or worse, have his extremities become instantly frostbitten and fall off—upon arriving at Lord Haurchefant’s doorstep. Thancred could not imagine the Elder Seedseer agreeing with this insanity, though the thought of appearing before the child-like padjali—even if some were far older than himself—in this state made him wince. Never mind that Kan-E-Senna had been his attendant healer after Operation Archon and had probably seen everything anyway; she was the Elder Seedseer, for gods’ sake.

Limsa, then. Hells, on most days, no one would notice an underdressed—or undressed—man on the docks. Pirates were not exactly known for shyness. The Sisters would take him in, he knew; put stabbers back in his fambles and put their wattles to the ground and sniff out the truth in the darkmans. Yes, his old hometown was the best place to go, and while some may think to look for him there, they would not find him among the other shadows—or they would regret it if they did.

Special Mention goes to the interpretation of Thancred’s perception of the Lifestream.

Chapter 2: Water

He was almost surprised that losing his magic bothered him less than the thought of losing his marks did. Magic was helpful, but never his primary craft—not like Papalymo, Y’shtola, or Urianger, all experts at the weaving of spells and creating their own. Thancred had ever relied upon his own wits and practiced skills to get by, and thank the gods for that now. No, what bothered him was the thought of the Lifestream wiping away such an intrinsic piece of his identity as a Sharlayan Archon, not when he had fought so damned hard to be accepted by the scholars and earn that rank among their number.

All because Master Louisoix had believed in a scrawny dock rat that had tried to lift his purse.

Chapter 3: Bear Necessity

Thancred was not exactly a woodworker, so getting enough strips of the proper length was proving more difficult than he had anticipated. Still, only half-listening to one of Beatin’s expositions (before finding a way to excuse oneself and vanishing before the man caught a second wind) had actually come in handy.

He wished he could remember if the timbermaster had said the bark was edible or not. In Thancred’s current state, it was looking far too tempting.

AND:

He could really use some of those shinobi smoke bombs to help him disappear, as the bear lumbered into the open, saw him, and roared while it charged. Not the friendliest creatures, these Dravanian bears.

Chapter 4: Colony - The Vath were difficult, y’all.

Thancred nodded and stepped forward. Except just then the world tilted sharply and smacked him in the face. The beastmen clicked and shouted, and he was surrounded by a few pairs of stick-like legs, then lifted, and then half-carried into the colony.

He heard the nutkin chittering somewhere behind him, and he tried to tell the Vath not to eat his little friend.

Chapter 5: Nightmares - Please give Thancred closure about his possession, SE, kthnx.

I’m still pretty happy with the whole chapter; I was eager to get to it, and spent quite a bit of time with it.

Chapter 6: Unavoidable - About remembering Y'shtola:

He pushed the memory of her away again. She always came with the sensation of rushing winds and of being caught helpless in a rapid river, and they weren’t so much clinging to one another as they were one another, until she suddenly threw him onto the bank while she continued on, and he felt his loneliness even more keenly.

Chapter 7: Reunion - I feel like people–including the devs–often forget Thancred is a Sharlayan educated scholar.

Thancred was oddly annoyed he could no longer sense the aetheric shift. Still, he was a scholar of Sharlayan, and this was an opportunity for study. He pulled his bandana aside to see just what, exactly, the summoning looked like to his altered vision.

He decided quickly he might regret such curiosity later, but for now, observation was necessary, though he longed for his goggles to record the view; his colleagues would delight in such data.

AND I’m still pretty pleased with the descs/Thancred’s perceptions of the Warriors of Darkness, the Scions, and Ravana’s summoning.

Chapter 8: Catch Up - Worst final chapter/epilogue title ever.

He nodded; Alphinaud had been thoroughly detailed in his telling, up through the attempt to follow the Archbishop into the Sea of Clouds, running into the bloody Emperor of bloody Garlemald, and including a skyfishing fight against a primal in the shape of a giant, feathered, flying whale.

Thancred still wasn’t sure he believed that last part.

AND on hearing news of Lahabrea:

The world paused. “What?” Was that his voice? It sounded echoing and far away.

#Final Fantasy XIV #Thancred Waters #Scions of the Seventh Dawn #Heavensward #Lyn Prompts #Lyn Writing #handelgamer

[nellie-elizabeth]

Suits: Harvey (8x16)

Wow, okay, I'm sorry... I'm not convinced. I feel bad, but that just did not work for me.

Cons:

I'm talking about Donna and Harvey. I'm sure there were plenty of people watching that episode who were overjoyed that their ship had finally set sail, but I was just completely underwhelmed. I promise you, this isn't just about me shipping Marvey, either. On its own merits, Harvey and Donna hooking up just does not work for me on a fundamental level. I'm going to break down some of the reasons why.

First of all, on a superficial level, I just didn't buy their chemistry in that final scene. It wasn't embarrassingly bad or anything, but I found Donna and Thomas much more compelling in terms of chemistry, so that's a bummer.

Then, there's the hit-you-over-the-head-with-a-hammer script. As the episode ends, Robert makes this big declaration about how going through something difficult makes you realize what's important in life - and for him, that's his wife. Then, Alex repeats the same thing, saying he needs to get home to his wife. So here's the problem with this - Harvey had just asked first Robert, and then Alex, to go grab a burger with him, and they both turned him down to go be with their wives. This doesn't read like Harvey is secretly pining for a specific woman, it reads like he's just generally lonely.

Then we have a moment with Samantha. She makes a comment about what she's going to do without the one person who she always wants to go to when she has good or bad news, and Harvey abruptly has a light bulb moment and leaves, to rush off to Donna because he's apparently just realized that Donna is that person for him. I mean... that's a cliche, for one thing. And for another, this whole narrative doesn't bear itself out in a satisfying way at all. What I realized watching this episode is that the last several seasons of Suits have made a convincing case for the fact that Donna is still pining for Harvey, but it hasn't made a case for the reverse of that. Sure, Harvey loves and cares for Donna deeply, but Harvey's sudden realization here doesn't bear out under what we've seen over the last few seasons. I just don't buy that he loves her. This is sort of a lose-lose situation for me, because I didn't like the implication that Harvey just realized what had been right in front of him all along, but I think I would have been equally annoyed if they'd tried to imply that Harvey had been pining for Donna and had just decided to act on it. The fact is, I'm just not convinced by them as a romantic pairing anymore. And on top of that, Harvey was rude to Samantha! She was trying to share her feelings about Robert leaving, and Harvey just left! Ouch.

This show has positioned Donna as a strong female character, and has given her an arc about self-confidence and going after what she deserves for herself. That's a great concept for a character, but I find that often the show doesn't follow through on its promises with her characterization. This episode is a good example of that. The episode is called "Harvey," and that final scene between Harvey and Donna is supposed to be this big, exciting, culminating moment for the two of them. So... why did Donna get so little of the run time this week? As far as we could tell just last week, she had serious and genuine feelings for Thomas. Now, it seems that was a red herring. A way for her to lie to herself about her continued love for Harvey. And we only get a few little snippets with Donna to see that play out. She's not in the majority of the episode, so pretty much the whole emotional journey is Harvey's. That's fine, but it has the unfortunate consequence of sort of framing Donna like a prize to be won. The episode didn't take its time to convince me that Donna wanted this, and that Thomas wasn't that important to her.

Turning to other aspects of the plot - I found the flashbacks perfectly fine in and of themselves, but I don't really understand Robert's guilt over the death of a mugger acting as a catalyst for saving Harvey and getting disbarred. There have been plenty of other times over the course of this show where he could have sacrificed something because of a generally guilty conscience. Why was this particular situation the one that made him decide to act? The connection seemed quite flimsy to me.

Also, this was a finale, and Katrina wasn't in it at all! I call foul. I hope we get tons of time with her in the ninth and final season.

Pros:

Whew. Sorry I complained about the Darvey stuff for so long. I understand that there are a lot of people who are probably thrilled, and while it may sound like I'm contradicting myself, I do understand it on a certain level. I really don't give much of a crap about Donna and Harvey's romance, but I'd rather have them together than keep playing the juvenile will-they-won't-they game. If the writers are smart about this, we now have a whole season to build up their romance and make them a convincing couple. I do appreciate that.

There were aspects of this episode that I actually enjoyed quite a bit, peaking out from between all of the stuff that pissed me off. To start with, I found the flashbacks with Robert and Samantha pretty strong. I think their connection works to humanize Robert, and to bring Samantha into the world of the story with a little more strength. Her character still isn't super interesting to me, but I did find her compelling here. She was angry and scared, and Robert was there for her no matter what. It reminded me of the strength of the mentor/mentee relationship that has gotten so much emphasis on this show. Harvey and Jessica, Mike and Harvey, Samantha and Robert. There's something undeniably powerful about the strength of bonds that stretch past the professional.

There was one moment with Samantha that I particularly loved, and it actually felt like a good moment to encapsulate the appeal of this show as a whole. She's talking to Harvey about Donna - if Samantha's being honest and professional, Donna should be fired for breaking privilege with Thomas. But if she's speaking as Donna's friend, there's no way Samantha would even consider letting her go. She comments that the firm is rubbing off on her, and marvels at how crazy they all are. The point is, she knows that Harvey would never consider turning on Donna, and Samantha wouldn't want him to. They'd all throw themselves in front of a bus, commit career suicide, to protect one another. Mike did it for Harvey, Louis, and Jessica. Harvey tried to do it for Mike, then for Donna. Robert does it for Harvey. It's what they do. It's what makes them a family even when everything is at its absolute craziest and lowest point. And that's why these people are compelling to watch.

I really do like Alex quite a bit. He hasn't been given a ton to do, but his willingness to lie to protect Harvey this week was really touching, and I liked the moment afterwards when Harvey thanked him for it. There's a camaraderie there that I wish we could explore more. It's fun to see him as a team player in this way, instead of relegated to the subplot.

Daniel Hardman was kind of toothless in this episode. By that I mean, he was trying to disbar Harvey, but he didn't get a lot of screen-time to be his villainous self, and I oddly rather appreciated that. We don't need to spend a lot of time focusing on a character who's just returning for one episode. And actually, this episode did something to humanize Hardman. After all, he's sort of... right. I mean, Harvey is guilty of exactly what Hardman is accusing him of, and yet once again, this same group of people manages to pull the rug out from under him and ruin his chances of getting back on top. The stuff between Hardman and Zane was actually a little bit... touching? There's a moment when Robert is confessing to breaking privilege, and Hardman is just disbelieving, and he seems really hurt that Robert is directly involved like this. Hardman expected a dirty trick, but he didn't expect it to come from Robert, and you can tell that he's upset about it on a personal level. That oddly made me a bit emotional!

There was one Mike mention, and it was pretty great. (See, you can tell I'm not much of a Darvey fan when I end this particular review still talking about Mike). Hardman wants to know why Robert has thrown in his lot with Harvey and Louis, and wonders if it's "just because Rachel married Harvey's protege?" That basically implies that even Daniel Hardman knows the importance of Mike to Harvey, since he's comparing it to Robert's love for his own daughter. Or maybe I'm delusional. Don't take this away from me, it's all I have left!

6/10

#review #suits #suits review #suits usa

[sepiadice]

Tales of Genius Ch. 2: Follow the Light

(9/16/18)

And so, for possibly the first time ever, I got a session two in a campaign! New high score! Woo-hoo!

Also, got to redo an adventure I ran for the old High School crew. Updated it slightly, added a puzzle, changed the final encounter, added a pair of magic items.

Don’t think I have any sort of RPG Life updates. Working on various other projects off and on. Started watching a new Netflix original series that redoubles a plot point later in this campaign.

Added a fourth party member. Which I think I’m going to lock down on. The games I’ve been involved with always had a problem of having a large number of players, so I think I want to try for the classic four-person ensemble.

Hope they’re having fun. Doubt plagues me, but they’re not whining to me, so it’s probably fine? It’s still clear I need to continue practicing GMing, and I’ve noticed I’ve been stuttering and having difficulty pronouncing words. That will all need to be improved before we move on to the podcast phase.

Now, for the second part of Tales of Genius![1]

CAST

Eli Roberts: (Played by Lyons) Child of Clio. Doctor, travelling to write a medical text akin to Gray’s Anatomy. He’s an Intellect! Olivia Grayson: (Played by Maddie) Child of Thalia. Apprentice to Eli. Believes her Squirrel-raccoon companion is her boyfriend reincarnated. Fromthe: (Played by Jose) Child of Calliope. Military veteran and current mercenary. Also has some mercantile ambitions.

Jean De Ferrero: (Played by Anthony) Child of Terpsichore. Travelling con artist.

Quick exposition:

So, that whole “Child of…” thing is part of my world’s lore. About nineteen hundred years ago, nine sisters travelled the world and founded nine schools of philosophy and nine separate cultures that populate the world. The only solid marker for the tribes is eye color. White/Light grey for Clio. Yellow for Thalia. Orange for Calliope. Green for Terpsichore. Others for the other tribes as they’re introduced.

The sisters are named after the Greek Muses.

And, so, onto our tale.

DATE: Late Winter 1911

PLACE: THE TINES (Mountain border of Astree and Hervar)

We open back up on North Fort. Food supplies are running even lower, especially since a good chunk of it has been poisoned. The mayor has decided to send those clever adventurers to try and find an alternate path out of town,[2] plus this nice Jean fellow who speaks highly of his own conquests.[3]

After some brainstorming while I was busy making curry,[4] the mayor mentioned the town crypts, which are a small network of caves some distance from town. There’s an iron door there which no one has explored past, because there’s a bunch of warning symbols on it, so better just stick the dead in there until claimed. But, well, it’s something?

The party heads to the crypt, as I couldn’t be bothered to force any scene work in the town. Would’ve been nice to establish the mixed critters of the setting, but I’m bad at following even my own notes, and I didn’t really have any cause to delay them.

In the crypts, they discovered a small band of Saber-toothed foxes.

Olivia tried to befriend the foxes using the cheese from the rations North Fort gave her, but the foxes weren’t satisfied, and unhappy with the intrusion. So combat despite Olivia’s protests!

I still am far from getting a handle of combat narrative, but after a few rounds, they’ve killed two foxes and scared off three.[5]

Then Olivia used a magic spell to cave in the entrance. Which… I should probably take a moment to taunt the party over.

And now I have. What nerds.

The party moved towards the iron door. It’s magic proof,[6] locked, and barred. So the group needs to figure out how to get in.

Unbarring it was easy enough, but it’s still locked.

But, hey, the party has a new Scoundrel Character! Maybe he can pick the lock!

The dice say no. This is dire, as the back up plan I had is sitting in North Fort,[7] and that’s not an available path anymore.

Okay, okay. Let’s reason this out. Is the door there to keep people out, or something in? Both, but which is important?

Which is to say: this door opens out, so the door hinges are on our players’ side! Which the fair doctor thinks up, then teases the con artist for not coming up with.

Said scoundrel (Jean) uses skullduggery to get the pins out. (Because it’s heavy iron, hasn’t been moved in a while, and would require finesse. Probably some heat to remove frost). I then have them do another check to get the door open since the lock is still engaged and needs to be worked out of the wall. Which they do.

Momentary inside baseball thing that might ruin the magic: I didn’t have a firm solution. I just placed the door down and waited until I heard a solution I liked. I recommend fellow GMs do this, but also try and prepare an alternate solution if the party can’t get past it for some reason. (See footnote 7 for my release valve).

On to the next room! A massive cavern, with many tunnels shooting off, and crystalline protrusions here and there. Then there’s a wooden lean-to slash shack near the door.

In side is a desk with a chess game mid-progress, and notebook tracking the game next to it, a glass jar of mythril dust, and a mummified corpse sitting in a chair[8] holding a bullseye lantern.

Eli Roberts examines the board, makes a move, notates it in the notebook(!), pockets the mythril dust, then investigates the mummy.

(A spent story point later also says he took the notebook.)

Eli fails to find anything notable on the corpse, so he turns to figure out what path to take.

Olivia, who we are learning this session has no regard for her fellow humans, uses her magic to puppeteer the mummy.

This jostles a rolled up scrap of paper out of its beard.

Time for the puzzle! Also pop quiz for my world building lore, because screw you, at least learn the muses you picked for your character’s heritage![9]

I wrote a poem (not a great poem, because I lack rhythm) that referenced the Muses in a certain order.

Now, this puzzle needs workshopping, because once the party figured out to use the mummy’s lantern[10] to shoot a beam of light into a large crystal to refract it into colored beams, and that they needed to follow the beam that corresponded with each Muse’s assigned eye colors in the order listed on the poem, there wasn’t much else to do until the final twist.

I probably could’ve done something with the crystals. Finding them, getting them in position,[11] just some complexity for the successive rooms.

Needs workshopping. But we also had a time limit, so maybe simple wasn’t bad for this rendition.

Now, this refracted light thing was an expansion on a moment that wowed the last time I did my North Fort session, which I mimicked halfway down the mine: the first obvious crystal sent the light bouncing all over the chamber, hitting other crystals, and illuminating the entire chamber, revealing a mural![12]

The mural told the mine’s story: they were mining it normally, then thought ‘hey, let’s try magic!’. Magic resonated with the mythril they were mining, heating the cave and waking up a giant snake that started gobbling people up. They got some adventurers in to deal with the snake and stopped using magic.

What I wish I added was the snake’s giant skull in this room. Instead, I had it in another room, looming over the exit tunnels. Oops.[13]

So that’s neat.

The party continued the prescribed solution and moved on, seeing the ribs of the snake were repurposed into support beams.

Another element I failed to convey is that the mining shafts were actually expanded from the snake’s tunnels throughout the mountain.

Anyways, the final room was the cool twist. Because the final mentioned Muse is Urania. Who I assigned black/dark grey eyes.

Black light’s not a thing. What could be the…

They killed their light. Eventually, mythril dust started to glow, a thick vein going down the final correct tunnel. (The poem also mentioned Urania using the stars in her line. This fit with the mythril dust but also her role as the Muse of Astronomy.)[14]

And they exit into another large chamber like the one at the top. Including wood office shack and an iron door. Inside the shack is another mummy, chessboard, and a notebook with matching move notations to the one earlier.

Including the move Eli noted and wrote down.[15] Huh.

Eli’s player spent a Genesys Story Point to say he nabbed the first notebook earlier so he wouldn’t have to hike back up.[16]

For those curious, there’s another poem on this end for going the other way. The colors don’t even have to be the same since they’d be approaching the crystals from a different angle, so the first step doesn’t have to be Urania![17]

Anyways, the spent story point ruined how I’d hoped to bring in the boss fight, so instead a Masked Snake slithers in.

Smaller than the one slain long ago, but still pretty big. Also way too young to listen to reason.

Again, three party members work to kill it as Olivia uses nonlethal magic. The snake iced the floor, making footing difficult.

I allowed the fight to drag on a while because, despite putting in my session plans to come back to make stats and having more than a month to, I never did.

Really should sit down and just make a series of notecards for easy, normal, and hard enemies. Get too distracted with narrative.

Anyways, combat rages, half the party gets upset with Olivia’s efforts not to kill the snake, when a mysterious figure in fancy robes and snake skull mask arrives and pulls a gun.

Olivia promptly magically murders this man without a word. Then steals his mask. And returns to nonlethal spells against the snake.

After realizing the snake can’t fit through the door, Eli and Jean attempt to flee, but Olivia refuses to leave, instead standing on the human corpse she created to avoid the disadvantage of the ice floors.

Eli goes in and finishes off the snake.

Grumpy after the encounter, they exit the caves, which leads out to a point on the path below the avalanche. There’s a way to connect North Fort and Soldier’s Rest.

They go to Soldier’s Rest (named such because it’s where the military men went to rest when not on duty at the mountain fort). Turn in a letter of introduction to Soldier’s Rest’s mayor, and step outside.

Where they encounter a Jackalope. They’re giant creatures ridden by the mail carriers of His Majesty’s Courier service![19]  The courier has a letter for Eli Roberts: The Queen and Heir Apparent are ill with a mysterious disease, and Dr. Roberts comes highly recommended by his peers to help.

Whether this is because his peers genuinely believe he can do it, or because not healing the royal family could have dire consequences and they’d rather gamble Eli’s career over their own is a question I intend to play with.

End session two.

Admittedly, it was a railroading session that hinged on two combats that I didn’t prepare properly and a puzzle that need a few more facets, but I set some Campaign Plot up and actually got players to the table, so I say sufficient success! Always a learning experience! And Anthony seemed to prefer the system vastly over GURPS, so I think it’s good.

Just need to cement running combat and the Advantage and Disadvantage system. It’s a new thing that takes getting used to. Plus the question of what to do when you get a nothing roll.

Also need to get firmer control over what magic can and cannot do. And also that GM trumps rulebook everytime.

I have an outline for the next session. Just need to add some meat and work in elements the players enjoy. Maybe try and have it be less of an Eli Roberts focused story.[20]

Until next time, may the dice make things interesting!

[1] Pompous sounding name? Perhaps! But it’s a grab from the Tales JRPG series, and a TED Talk I saw once. [2] Had the party asked, the Mayor was avoiding asking South Fort for help because that crosses a border and could cause a lot of diplomatic tensions. The party didn’t ask, so I’m noting it here for my own gratification. [3] Because we needed to fit a new party member in some how. [4] Which I forgot to put potatoes and apples in. I’m disappointed in myself. [5] Unless it was the other way around. There was confusion! [6] Iron is magic proof in the setting! Because I’m taking inspiration from my vague knowledge of fair folk mythology. [7] Her name is Debra. I didn’t have the exact details (improv!), but if needed, she’d have the key for the door for… reasons? [8] I keep trying a Douglas Addams thing where I save the most glaringly obvious and distressing fact for last. It’s never worked because I keep getting interrupted or the players overlook I mentioned a monster. Might be a sign to stop, but why would I? [9] I casually left a prose-y cheat sheet on the table before we started. So it’s open notes. [10] Always provide the required tools if you can’t be sure the party has the needed supplies. [11] My much coveted block puzzle! I’ll figure it out someday! [12] In the pathfinder version, it instead revealed a sleeping dragon. I should’ve worked in a similar element on top of what I put in the chamber. [13] Maybe if I ask nicely, my players will pretend this is what I did. [14] Why do the muses include two with dominion over Astronomy and History? Who knows! They just do! [15] I was hoping someone would mess with one of the notebooks for this exact reveal. They played right into my hands. [16] I’ll leave it to the players to retcon why they stole the first notebook. [17] Maybe Urania should’ve been the mural room. You light the crystal for the story, then have to darken it to move on.[18] [18] Take three on this dungeon’s going to be epic! [19] A pay off when, long, long ago, when I was very young looking through a borrowed copy of GURPS 3rd Edition, I saw a picture of cowboys riding giant rabbits with saddlebags reading ‘Bunny Express’. Finally did it. [20] He took the reigns on the session one mystery, and the letter plot hook only works with him. I’ll try to do hooks working off the other three before returning to him, if at all.

#SepiaDieGMs #Genesys #tales of genius

[aikoiya]

LoL HC - Realistic Resurrection Mechanics

Let's start off by saying that the Resurrection spell used in LoL, narratively, is only something that works within 5 minutes of death. In this way, it's not actually a Resurrection spell so much as a Resuscitation spell. Like magical defib/CPR.

Beyond that initial 5 minutes, you're S.O.L.

Even if you do come back with it, its as a vegetable.

---

If you're dead for longer than 5 minutes, which is the amount of time it takes for your brain cells to start dying, that's when the Tre Resurrection Procedure comes into play. Then, once your body starts decaying, that's it. Nothing short of a literal miracle can bring you back.

So, greater than 5 minutes, but less than 24-72 hours depending on the person.

Though, there are some bodies that just don't decompose for one reason or another & they tend to have the benefit of a much larger window of resurrection.

At the same time, freezing a body in an attempt to prolong the resurrection window actually makes resurrection much more difficult. It's still possible, but more difficult.

You can only be brought back between 1-3 times, the difficulty of the procedure becoming higher & requiring more magic with each death, so upon being brought back, you can't overdo yourself or you could end up dying again almost immediately. Even then, it'll only work if the soul in question has the determination & desire to keep living. Without that, even performing the procedure perfectly (which is near impossible) will not bring them back.

It's possible for someone to resurrect a person beyond those 3 times, but no one has yet to do so due to the level of difficulty & amount of magic required to do so. It's possible that more Medimancers or healers in the mix giving their magic might help, but again, there's only been, at most, 2 at a time in existence. So, it's just theory atm.

This is not something you can just do with healing magic (somamancy/corporamancy).

It requires dedication & deep study of both healing magic, medical science, chemtech, & alchemy. When these things are all paired together, it's called Medimancy. The medical branch of HexTech.

True Resurrection is literally the pinnacle of Medimancy. If you can manage to do this even just once, you are considered the best in the industry! Only between 1 & 2 people per every few centuries can boast this kind of accomplishment, at best!

If you can manage to do this consistently? You are automatically a fucking legend!

If you're just a doctor using HexTech, you CANNOT hope to ever perform True Resurrection. You MUST be a magicborn. If you try & you aren't, you WILL die & you won't even manage to accomplish your goal.

—

It's also not something someone can just come back from & get back to their daily life immediately like in games. They especially can't just jump right back into combat. They try &, guaranteed, they will die again.

You are literally pulling someone back from the jaws of death, there's gonna be some fucking damage. The kind that's actually really dangerous to try & heal with magic blunt force all willy nilly.

Anything beyond a cat with a magical purr or a Susurrecorder is too much, too sudden for the body. A Susurrecorder is a HexTech device that produces a frequency range of 25 to 150 Hz, simulating a cat's purr, thus promoting healing; the HexTech Gemstone in the device mixes magic into the sound, thus producing low-level somamantic & sonimantic (sound magic) energy, thus improving the effects. It was the very first step into the study of Medimancy.

So, there is definitely a long-ass recovery time to heal & rest. No getting up until they can breathe normally again.

It's an extremely difficult procedure involving fixing the main damage of organs (including the brain due to brain cell death) but, even then, they still need time to let nature take its course. Even then, it's best to be monitored by a doctor, healer, or Medimancer.

If death was due to internal bleeding, then one's lungs & heart especially can not be overworked, or they will just collapse & drown in their own blood again.

The procedure is useless if the Medimancer can't get the body to a point where it can heal on its own once they're back. So, depending on what the actual damage is, it can be quite the task.

—

Those who have learned this technique are known to have both extremely long lives (between 2 centuries & a millennium depending on just how knowledgeable they are & that's just for humans), incredible self-healing & regenerative abilities (so long as their magic is full), & an immense amount of physical strength due to the amount of magical energy in their body.

So, think Senju Tsunade & Haruno Sakura from Naruto.

This often results in female Medimancers, specifically those skilled in Myomancy, coming out looking quite like a mix of Tsunade & Luisa from Encanto.

The True Resurrection Procedure is also immensely magically & physically taxing, so expect exhaustion afterwards. Be sure to have an experienced assistant there to catch you should you faint like a damsel.

#league of legends #arcane #game mechanics #lore #resurrection

[kyluxtrashpit]

Writing Meme

So I wasn’t actually tagged in this, but I saw it going around a while back and I was trying to write but it turns out writing + muscle relaxants is not a good combo, thus instead of actually writing I’m just going to talk about my writing because why the hell not

What’s your total word count on AO3?

286801. Which, uh, um, wow, excuse me while I pick my jaw up off the floor. And that’s not including a number of tumblr only fics for both this fandom and my previous one. I honestly feel like I haven’t written a lot because 90% of my fics are short and I’ve only been writing fic since 2015 (we’re not going to count those fumbles back when I was like 14 on quizilla lmao), but I guess if you write enough short things, they do eventually add up haha

How often do you write?

I make random notes of ideas and such all the time, but as in actually sitting down and writing? It depends on my mood. There are times I write for hours every day for a week. There are times when I haven’t touched a single document in weeks. Writing is, unfortunately, a hobby for me and when irl gets stupid or the brain gremlins are acting up, it’s one of the first things that falls to the wayside because it does take a lot of mental energy. But the groove does always come back eventually. I only force myself when I can take it, mentally, so mostly I’m just floating on inspiration

(The rest is behind a cut because I really rambled a lot here, wow. And if you’re on mobile, I am so sorry)

Do you have a routine for writing?

Not really. I basically sit down, make sure I have a beverage and maybe some snacks (usually something like chocolate chips or m&ms - simple sugars help you think by giving you energy without taking much to digest them. It’s a trick I used for university), and put in headphones with music. For music, I tend towards instrumentals, be that classical or video game soundtracks, just because having lyrics can confuse my brain if I’m not focusing well. Atmospheric (storms, ocean, etc.) also sometimes work. I also tend to have a game of solitaire open in the background, for when I need to pause and think but I need to still be doing something just to keep the flow going

What are your favorite kinks/tropes/pairings?

I mean, I am all about d/s dynamics, sub!Kylo especially, in case you hadn’t noticed lmao. That’s my bread and butter. So mostly I like anything that goes with that (also like, not necessarily orgasm denial proper, but any sexual act where only one party gets gratification out of it is hnng). Here’s random list of other kinks I like in no particular order: begging, desperation, dirty talk, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, weird kinks, objectification, petplay, etc. I love far too many to ever list them all lmao

As for tropes, I love to say I’m a fan of slow burm and mutual pining but in truth I’m suffering the whole time lmao. I think there’s no further proof that I’m a masochist than the amount of them I read. Forced proximity is always fun, especially with unintentional bonding/intimacy. Love love love themes with mental health issues. Hurt/comfort and angst with a happy ending are also like, the good shit. Oooh and let’s not forget touch starvation. Although one of my favourite tropes in the kylux fandom is the ‘overly specific au’ fics that we have. It’s like a specialty here and I love it

As for pairings, I tend to only write one at a time, so right now it’s just kylux. I like some others (finnrey, stormpilot, benpoe, reysma, etc.) but my general fandom experience is one ship grabbing me by the short hairs and that’s just what I do now haha. I have branched out on occasion before, so who knows, maybe it will happen again?

Do you have a favorite fic of yours?

This is... really difficult tbh. There’s a handful that have special places in my heart (as in mostly the long ones lmao; anything 10k+ is a miracle for me). But if I had to choose, I would pick Fractured. Not necessarily because I think it’s my best story or the one that I would most want to read if I hadn’t written it, but because from a storytelling standpoint it is by far the most difficult and ambitious thing I’ve ever done. Because of the way I did it (and I honestly believe the way I did it was the way I had to do it) with the flashbacks basically made it 2 stories in one, except those 2 stories were also part of a larger, third story that combined them both. Editing was a nightmare (reading just the present scenes, just the past scenes, and then the whole thing together to make sure the flow worked after every chapter, plus all the usual nightmares of editing), the subject matter was heavy and hard to write, and the whole thing took me a year to actually get ready to even post. It was gruelling and it was basically just me sitting by myself for a year bouncing ideas around until they congealed enough to actually be a story lmao. I have never outlined so much in my life. But I’m also obscenely proud of how it turned out given all I went through to make it exist, which is why I’m picking it

Your fic with the most kudos?

This award goes to Touch which, while I’m not really surprised by that, is a fic I still have a complicated relationship with. It was my second ever kylux fic and the first with smut and also my true introduction to the absolutely insane amount of feedback you can get in a big fandom (as compared to my previous one, at least). However, it was also the fic where I had accidentally copied another writer in a few sections. Even though we worked it out, I apologized, both publicly and privately, and made some edits as well as giving credit to the author, I still feel bad about it nearly 2 years later. It’s the one fic of mine I really don’t think about often as a result, despite it’s success

Anything you don’t like about your writing?

I wish I was better at holding the flow/continuity. This is a large part of why I don’t write a lot of long fics, but I just have so much trouble with it. As a result, you may have noticed that I do a lot of timeskips, which leaves my longer fics as basically just all the scenes I thought where important with nothing between them except horizontal lines. And I know a bad scene transition is worse than just doing a jump, but damn, I really wish I could get things to flow better in that specific regard. Inside a scene? Easy, I can do that. But getting my scenes to link together into a coherent narrative with an overarching plot? Eh, not confident I pull that off very well. I think the way I do it does work, but I also think the stories would be better if I could find a way to not do that

Now something you do like?

I really do think I do a good job at writing in character and particularly in getting inside the character’s heads. From what I can tell, I tend to write more like an rper than I do an actual author in that I’m basically getting into the character’s heads and letting it evolve organically from there. Sure, I have a basic plan as to where things are going, but the little details and the introspection tend to be more gleaned in the moment from what the character wants. I love getting into deep POV and I think I do a good job of it. I’ve had some people tell me my writing is too introspective but like, that is what I enjoy in fic, both reading and writing. And also that is how I experience the world; my ultimate goal is to make the reader really understand what it’s like to experience the world as the character who’s perspective I’m writing from. And I think I am moderately successful at that, though I’m sure I still have more to learn

#stealing memes because this is my blog and I can do whatever I want lmao #I'm sorry my mood is very Weird right now #but on the bright side my jaw has finally relaxed for the first time in about a week #anyway here's a ramble because no one was around to stop me #also not tagging anyone because I stole this #now let's see if I can actually manage to get something done on this consentacles thing that has stolen all my attention #shut up nerd #kylux #things I am tagged in #not really but that's the meme tag

[survivor-mountmerapi]

Ep. 3: “I ordered a flavorful and spicy curry and I got like. Flavorless broth.” - Elle

Julia

I don’t want raffy or Ellie to do this fucking hero challenge because I’m afraid they’ll throw it to try to get me out

James

I was way off on my challenge guess. I could've sworn that we were going to do Guess Who or Charades. It's a hero challenge!

There's not a chance in hell I'm volunteering for this challenge. Survivor 101 states: never put yourself in the hero or goat role. I'm going to follow that rule. All this challenge would do is put a target on my back and I like not having a target on my back.

DeNara

Heck, memory challenges suck so much! I wonder who gave us the 10% disadvantage 🤔.... I have a feeling we may go to tribal next. I am hoping Elle can kick some butt and send those winners to tribal. They need to go for sure.

DeNara

James and I keep having thoughts about the game and before we can decide if it is worth the risk to say something in the chat, Nicholas just says it. Works out for us because now he gets the target and not us! Muahahaha

James

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Wx5meimEXc

Raffy

The way Dylan, Ellie, Steven, and Julia vibe really well together is concerning. I feel less social pull on this tribe than I have in any other game. It's probably because so many of these people just know me. I don't know how to navigate this game correctly. I want to throw the challenge, but accusations of me going to throw the challenge are already sprouting. I don't know what to do anymore. I feel I wouldn't be able to pull Julia to my side, and she would go rat on me. Prayers for Raffy.

Elle

I'm the hero for the hero challenge 😅... again 😅... and I'm against Raffy😅... who beat me last time I did a hero challenge in the same round I ended up getting voted off in Kyoshi 😭😭😭

Anyway! I'm hopeful!!! For this one. Very nervous not gonna lie, but I feel bad that my anxiety is mostly concentrated on Raffy as a rival and I'm not that nervous about Rachel? 😂I swear that'll probs come back to haunt me later though because these things usually do✨

Raffy

Sitting here. Debating on how I should throw the challenge. It's going to be pretty easy to lose considering the other people have 2 tries whereas I only have 1. So I'll just sit here and vibe.

Raffy

I ended up throwing the challenge because the newbies were about to go to tribal council, and I couldn't bear to see another one leave. So, there's that. Now I need to find a convent lie to tell my tribe about how the challenge went if they ask. Not only that, but I have to navigate a tribal council where I feel like I am on the bottom. Welp. I may have made a mistake, but nothing for it.

Moth

YES!!!! THE WINNERS ARE GOING TO TRIBAL

I want to be able to team up with the newbies come merge in order to take out the winners. So I was worrying about their dwindling numbers- HOWEVER-

Last time I played after the first live tribal there was immediately a tribal swap, I don’t want to celebrate too early cause that could screw me over

Ellie

It’s finally here, the day where Ellie goes pre merge. I know that Raffy definitely wants me gone before merge but also idk if he’s in a position to be telling people who to vote considering he lost the hero challenge. I don’t blame him at all, that’s not what I’m saying, but I feel like he might have a target on his back after that. Still I trust your local chili’s rn (Dylan, Steven, and I) but I also wanna talk to everyone else and hopefully work with them. I have absolutely no clue who I wanna target rn so ig I’ll figure it out later

Anastasia

WE WON FINALLY!! I have to thank the universe and RACHEL for this win. I'm so glad that we can not stress for a round. I need a break from being super paranoid.  I'm also looking foward to seeing the losing tribe at tribal council for the first time in this game >:)

DeNara

Heck ya! The winners are going to tribal! Rip em to shreds! Muahahaha

Gian

THANK U RACHEL CALDWELL. THE TEAMMATE WE ALL WISH WE HAD. THE SISTER WE ALL DESERVE. THE GIRL WE ALL ASPIRE TO BE. QUEEEN!

DeNara

I am worried about a swap since it was brought up at the last tribal. I hope we dont. If we do I need my boy James with me.

Dylan

fuck

Elle

I'm a little upset 😅 I wanted to redeem myself with the shape memory challenge but in the end Rachel got out first pretty early on and then Raffy forfeited (which is so nice because the newbies really needed a break from tribal ❤️). But I wanted this to be my chance to be the comeback kid and redeem myself from the last time I lost a hero challenge against Raffy and my writer heart wanted drama and down to the wire and like 15+ shapes to remember and extreme intensity!!! But it wasn't intense at all 😭. I know I can both perceive and go forth in life a bit melodramatically but I feel like I ordered a flavorful and spicy curry of a hero challenge and I got like. Flavorless broth 😂😂 ah, oh well. We didn't go to tribal and that's the important thing, I suppose (she says, not believing it at all 😂).

James Hayden

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BBz09QsSN_4

James Hayden

Even though I'm all for NOT going to tribal, I would be ok with going to the next tribal IF there's no swap at 15. I think it's important for us to go tribal before a swap, so we can build and cement trust with each other. If we swap at 15, then I think the Warrior tribe is at a disadvantage. Yes, we'd have the numbers; however, we wouldn't have the trust that the winners and newbies have. If Jalapao, Foa Foa, and the Aitu 4 have taught us anything is that sometimes a small group of people who have trust with each other is stronger than a large group of people who don't have trust with each other.

Rachel

Wow. I really shocked Raffy forfeited the challenge, but also very thankful. I was so nervous going into it and usually my memory is fairly good, however I'm terrible learning new things under pressure. I feel bad for not disclosing the information to my tribe, and also afraid it may come out eventually. Nevertheless, I am so glad to not be voting anyone out in my tribe because I do feel so closely linked to them. I feel like if there is a swap next round, our tribe has a chance of flying under the radar and helping some of the other tribes take out their bigger threats.

Raffy

Last night, I got to work. Ellie came to me extremely quickly to tell me that they would be willing to vote out Steven or Dylan this tribal because they don't just want to work with their friends. Ironic that they came to me about it, but it's fine. While I wanted to get Ellie out this tribal, it would be a pretty huge move for my game that does not seem possible at the moment. Julia and Pietro like Ellie which makes it difficult for me to target them safely. Instead, I have my sights on Dylan because I feel they would be the easiest to eliminate out of the four of us.

This morning, Pietro started an alliance with Ellie and I. Looks like I am going to be roped into working with them for another game. Woo... I plan to betray Ellie some time before pre-merge. Maybe a swap could help me with that goal. Pietro is down to vote for Dylan which means there are three votes for Dylan. I tried to talk to Julia about it last night, but she seemed unreceptive and wary of my approach. I think she's too in her head about the four working together that she can't see what's actually happening in the game.

Raffy

I found a hidden immunity idol. I love this narrative for me. Let's so how far I can get with this in my pocket. I am not planning on telling anyone about it. I don't know if I even want to continue searching the idol hunt, but it will be fine. I am fairly certain this is the last idol in the hunt. Two other spots used to have an idol in them (such as the rock in the mountain and somewhere in the forest which Steven told me).

Steven

https://youtu.be/SiF_AtMUKl8

Tl;dr winners tribe lost and I’m gonna try to vote Raffy out

Pietro

So I had a very good convo with Julia and we both feel like we are in a tribe full of friends for life. We are super scared, and the only name I heard was Dylan, by Ellie and Raffy. So I was just honest to Julia and told her we should be a pair and work together cause this tribe is full of pairs.

Then out of the sudden Steven makes a group of me, Dylan, Julia and himself. I was 100% sure I was on the bottom of this tribe but it looks like its gonna be a couples war with me and Julia beeing the swing votes and I'm all for it lol

Raffy

Julia told me that Steven started an alliance with himself, Dylan, Julia, and Pietro that, seemingly, want to vote me out of this game. This is some dangerous stuff. Now I need to rely on Julia and Pietro to not want to vote me out here which is tough work. I don't want to use my idol this early, but I don't want to be the first boot off the winners tribe either.

Julia

Well we lost the challenge which fucking sucks. Pietro and I are like 10000% convinced that everyone’s fucking with us and it’s either me or him going tonight. So Steven and Dylan want the four of us to vote raffy and Ellie and raffy want the four of us to go Dylan and I’m just not sure. I feel like this is and elaborate ploy to get us to not use idols or anything eek. I’m still deciding whether to play my idol tonight. We shall see we shall see

Dylan

many thoughts, head full, I'd rather just take a nap

https://youtu.be/meKXyHH_mTY

Nicholas

I’m sad Ganjo is out but I turned it into a good thing by telling James I knew Ganjo. I now have two trios with James in both of them. I think I convinced Elle that if we lose we should vote out moth and I think James would be on board with that too. DeNara wouldn’t be I don’t think though. I’m happy the winners finally lost but now we need to keep winning. I’m glad I didn’t have to compete cause I don’t want to come off as too strong so that I’m not the target come tribe swap and merge. I want to be perceived as medium power so that I can flip if I want too since I would bring value yet I’m not so valuable that I’m a target. I think I could probably get Anastasia to work with me since Ganjo left her that nice message so if we wind up being on the same tribe I can say “Ganjo was rooting for you so I want to work with you cause it’s what Ganjo would have wanted”.

Dylan

yeah so Raffy knows we're targeting him bc I was on a friend call with him and I brought up the vote and then he just straight up asked me if I was voting for him and if Steven was. I lied to his face but I'm pretty sure he saw right through it, which is basically to say that we're screwed. and I'm very anxious now. so like, if anyone w/him has an idol I feel like it'll get played tonight and idk who he'll target. fucking hell. I don't even know if it was Julia or Pietro who told him or both, which doesn't help. I relayed this all to Steven, who seemed kind of...lacking in his responses which also worries me. he could just be busy but like,,,if he's not? uhhhh. cool, cool. this is fine (no it's not)

Raffy

Now, I will sit here in anxiety as I await tribal council. I have no doubt that others are scrambling, but I am going to have to trust my allies. I'm still debating whether I should use the idol or not. I think I'll still debate it up until Jay asks for idols. Ugh. This is too much work to think about on a Friday night.

DeNara

These idol hunts are kicking my butt! I sure hope I find something soon, even just a small advantage..... an idol would be nice too

Ellie

Some of me in my host chat! Ellie, 9:18 PM Raffy is talking game with me, interesting. He definitely doesn’t want me around for too long but I’m assuming he’s gonna take all the numbers he can get Ellie, 9:18 PM I’d prefer this to be a unanimous vote because that makes it easier for me Ellie, 9:21 PM Raffy mentioned wanting to work with Pietro which means my only option rn is julia Ellie, 9:22 PM I’d feel like absolutely shit if I flipped on a Dylan and Steven alliance again Ellie, 9:29 PM Idk if I can morally flip on Steven and Dylan because I’d just feel so bad Ellie, 9:45 PM Me abt to tell the Dylan and Steven chat that I’m not actually planning to work with them as an alliance 👁👄👁 Ellie, 9:25 AM Omg there’s abt to be a Raffy, Pietro, ellie alliance Ellie, 9:25 AM This is beautiful

Madi

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WHhIxp_WqfbblZiQ-IKD--6koXFBxzGJ/view?usp=drivesdk

Ellie

Ok now to explain what’s actually happening, Raffy, Pietro, Julia, and I are planning on voting Dylan tonight. Raffy and I called last night and discussed that we had to make the choice of playing with our good friends or playing with people we barely know, in the end we went with the latter and it kinda sucks. I ended up telling my chat with Dylan and Steven that I wasn’t voting with them tonight cause I didn’t have it in me to lie to them like that. I’m hoping that all goes well!

Steven

So I have no idea what is about to happen tonight. Im putting all my eggs into Julias and Pietro's basket and just hoping for the best. Ellie and Raffy are both giving off weird vibes that make me believe that something is going on. What is really frustrating that I have no ability to change anything now. No plan b, no alternate action, nothing. i know Dylan might want to try something else as a fail safe but Im not too sure if it will work the way they want. Ugh I wish tribal would just happen already cause all this unknown stuff is really freaking me out.

Raffy

I told Julia about my idol because of paranoia, but it worked out because she told me about her idol. We're idol buddies now.

Ginny

We made the winners tribe to finally go to tribal council it’s so great I love it

Julia

So it looks like I’m going to be the swing vote tonight. I’m very incredibly nervous but we’ll see how it goes. Still have a sneaking suspicion that I’m going to get snaked but we’ll see

[mikeyhatesit113]

forever and never: Chapter 3

Though the Winter night was cold, the warm air inside the car was inviting and relaxed. Janie and I didn’t get many opportunities to go out on an actual date due to our prevalent difficult circumstances, but we seized the opportunity on this night. The car coasted through the small town around us as we talked about what was on our minds. My half gallon of iced tea and takeout container of Chinese food rested on my lap as I looked over at Janie behind the wheel, continuing to get lost in deep conversation.

She abruptly stopped talking, and I heard her gasp.

I looked over at her and even through the darkness, I couldn’t miss the look of sheer terror that had overtaken her face. “What?” I asked.

“Jay,” she said, her voice tight and rigid. “That was Jay back there. He was turning onto this road. I think he saw us.”

As far as we knew at the time, Jay was at home with the kids. I embraced this thought, trying to comfort myself and chalk Janie’s fear up to nothing more than paranoia.

“Nah, couldn’t be,” I said. “How can you be sure?”

“I’m telling you, that was him,” she said, looking into the rear view mirror repeatedly.

Right on cue, a pair of headlights quickly approached the back of the car, the light flooding the inside of the vehicle.

“Oh my God,” I muttered, slinking down in the passenger seat.

“Hold on, I’ll turn off up here,” she said. The car picked up speed in an effort to reach the little side street that snaked through a quiet neighborhood. It was the perfect connection of roads to either prove it wasn’t Jay, or possibly lose him.

Janie flicked on the turn signal, and the vehicle right behind us did the same. “It’s really him,” she moaned.

My heart rate accelerated and my breath quickened. The driver of the vehicle behind us had no love for me at all, and sure enough, I didn’t want to be anywhere near his reach.

He was pissed. And now he was right behind us.

Janie tried to turn down every side street and speed to the next small lane, but to no avail, Jay was still right behind us.

“I need to get out of this car,” I announced.

“What?” she asked in bewilderment.

“I need to get out of this car and make a run for it.”

That neighborhood was relatively close to where my car was parked. The cover of darkness would be my friend in this matter, and if we couldn’t lose him in a high speed residential chase, my chances were certainly better on foot.

“Where do you want me to let you out?” she asked in confusion.

“Here, NOW!” I shouted, losing my patience.

Fight or flight.

The car had briefly come to a rest at a STOP sign, and I seized my chance. I flung the passenger door open, and miraculously, I still had my chinese food and iced tea in hand as my feet touched the pavement. For that brief moment, I was bathed in the headlights of Jay’s vehicle.

In plain sight. There was nowhere to hide in their bright glow.

But I had no time to think. I only had one instinct in those few short seconds.

Run.

I dashed up a short hill beside the road into a neighbor’s yard, my feet pounding on the frozen grass as I picked up speed...

2 MONTHS EARLIER

I awoke in my sunny bedroom at my father’s townhouse.

It was Friday morning. The unmistakable scent of dead leaves permeated the cool breeze as it filtered through my window screen and filled my nostrils. The autumn air was briefly accompanied by the scent of her perfume emanating from my shirt, and suddenly, the previous night’s events immediately filled my brain. Every detail stormed back into my consciousness.

The text messages. The reasoning. The request for me to stay with her.

The kiss.

All of those memories were underlined by one simple question:

“What now?”

I got out of bed and showered, then went about my morning routine rather quickly. Unlike other mornings, the anticipation of the work day was laced with apprehension, confusion, and another emotion I couldn’t quite put my finger on. I knew that everything had changed, but I did not know to what extent.

The sheer suspense of what was going to happen next overtook my thought process. Would we act like nothing happened and never speak of it again? Would we talk it out and agree that it had been a mistake? Or were we on the verge of a full blown romance?

To be honest? I was ready for anything.

I drove my car to work, my stomach doing somersaults with every curve and turn. Before I knew it, I was pulling into the parking lot. I spotted her van. She was there.

Here we go.

I walked into the daycare and walked back to my classroom, passing through the small rooms with no sight of her.

Good, I thought. It’s better that as much time passes as possible. Let it air out.

Of course, it wouldn’t be long before we found each other that day. And though I don’t remember what was immediately said, or which room we even talked in, I did know this much; there didn’t seem to be a whole lot of regret about the night before.

I didn’t know how to feel about it ultimately, though. This wasn’t a single girl that I had met at a bookstore. This wasn’t a situation where we could start spending time together while letting things develop organically.

This woman was a married mother of two. This was as complicated as it gets.

Of all the fish in the sea, and I had to find myself at a Bass Pro Shops fishing out of a private tank. I was an idiot.

As it was Friday, Janie said that she was going camping and attending a college football game that weekend with Jay.

At the very least, I offered that it was a great opportunity to get away, analyze everything that had happened, and take the time to refocus on her marriage.

She left that afternoon, and I remember feeling as conflicted as could be.

You couldn’t call it love, but I struggled to answer if I had feelings for her or not.

That weekend, I went about my usual business, but I guess it would be a lie to say that she was far from my mind.

And Janie did not stay silent, as she texted me multiple times throughout the weekend. In these conversations, she indicated that she had a deep conversation with Jay, and they both agreed that maybe things weren’t working.

The weekend flew by and that Sunday night, I made plans to go to a local sports bar and watch the Dallas Cowboys game.

November 4th. Remember that date. It’ll be a while, but please, pluck “November 4th” and store it in your memory bank. You’ll need it for a rainy day.

On Sunday, Janie returned from her weekend trip with Jay and she immediately wanted to see me. I told her of my plans for the sports bar, and she told Jay that she was going out with a girlfriend to watch the game.

That night, Janie showed up to the sports bar and watched the game along beside me. After the game ended, she wanted to sit and talk in her vehicle.

Inevitably, we kissed again.

I was punch drunk. With the narrative that she was in the early stages of separating from Jay, I found myself willing to go along for the ride.

Everything had happened so quickly, in 3 days as a matter of fact, but for practically a teenager who didn’t have a whole lot going for him, I guess it didn’t take much.

She was in love with me. She was leaving her marriage. We could be together. We had a future.

These thoughts and beliefs would spawn the proverbial phase of “sneaking around” that every secret couple enters.

However, despite Janie’s claim that Jay knew that they were headed for separation, I didn’t know what to make of his text messages to her. For a man who apparently knew that his marriage was on the rocks, he was very attentive and quick to share photos of their children with her. Stranger yet, she’d respond in the same fashion that a loving wife and doting mother would.

But as far as I understood, Janie had set in motion the impending separation, and she even claimed that they were sleeping in separate bedrooms.

You might be wondering, where was my mindset at this time? I think that I wanted to believe, more than anything. I was very impressionable at the time, so I wanted to believe that Jay was aware of Janie’s intentions. I wanted to believe that he felt the same way, and these communications were just formalities in trying to keep things normal and civil.

Did he know I was in the picture? No. And that bothered me to some degree, but as far as I was told, he was free to go do his own thing too. Janie insinuated that the real separation would happen after Christmas for the entire family’s sake.

I can honestly say that I wasn’t aware of what Jay knew or didn’t know. This does not exonerate me.

While everything played itself out though, I was able to enjoy the best of both worlds. I was still able to be a young guy and hang out with my friends. Obviously, I wasn’t the only one enjoying the best of both worlds. One might assume the dual roles of While everything played itself out though, I was able to enjoy the best of both worlds. I was still able to be a young guy and hang out with my friends. Obviously, I wasn’t the only one enjoying the best of both worlds. One might assume the dual roles of housewife/girlfriend were fitting and convenient for Janie.

She had the loving husband and picture perfect family at home. She also had the young guy, along with all the thrills that came with a brand new romance, at her beck and call.

And because of this, I had become a less reliable friend. I was no longer the same guy they knew for years. It wasn’t hard to notice my divided attention directed towards my phone and my constant “on-call” status.

If Janie was going to the store, she’d text me and at a moment’s notice, and I’d be there. She used any excuse to leave the house so we could see each other.

Truthfully, I never contacted her and asked her to leave her house to meet up with me somewhere. It was always the other way around.

With our side romance in full swing, our lunch breaks at work had now turned into romantic lunch breaks. As much as we tried to hide it, the daycare staff was getting suspicious.

Needless to say, they weren’t sold on our love story. They found the situation every bit as scandalous as it was, though they did not have concrete evidence of what they suspected was happening.

Janie would spend time away from home under the guise of “shopping with girlfriends”, but it was with me most of the time. We’d go to malls and department stores, where she would buy me jackets and sneakers.

Saturday morning daycare classes at a local college became another opportunity for us to see each other.

We even went to a movie together as the Christmas season was getting under way, enjoying some inappropriate yuletide cinematic adventures.

But with sneaking around in public, luck wasn’t exactly on our side.

Janie and I met up to go Black Friday shopping that year, and our journey to the first shopping destination hit a snag when we were stopped in gridlocked traffic on a major roadway. While we sat there, I casually looked over at the car next to us to see one of our co-workers, who happened to also be one of the nosiest teachers at the daycare. If she would have looked over and seen us in the same car, then our entire cover would have been blown right there.

Dodging co-workers and family members would become commonplace for us, but we were only delaying the inevitable.

As we were sprinting from the truth of our actions, time was also running out. And one day, our last bit of twisted luck trickled away, and our little storybook romance split wide open.

She could not go on living a double life, and I could not keep being a young guy pretending that the storm wouldn’t finally crash onto my shore.

The clouds were ominous, the waves were getting high, and one day, the sky finally let loose.

I was at the daycare, and Janie said goodbye before leaving for the day. But moments after she left, my phone rang. It was a call from Janie.

I pressed the answer button. “Hey,” I said.

But the voice on the other end of the phone was not Janie’s. It was a man, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Jay.

He knew.

I’m not sure how, but he finally had found out.

I heard the sound of shattering glass before the call immediately ended.

The lump in my throat. The panic in my heart.

Our time was up.

I stood there, anchored to that daycare room, as I could not leave the children. Happy parents picked up their children and asked me how their day had been, and I faked my best smile and said the appropriate things like a programmed droid.

I couldn’t feel. I had to do whatever I could not to feel. My world, the secret life that I’d been involved in, had just erupted into a blazing inferno. I had no control of what was going to happen next.

What the fuck.

I was a sitting duck. Jay knew where I was, and if he decided to come find me, no amount of doors would stop him.

Moments passed like days, and I saw one of Janie’s cars pull into the lot.

But who was driving?

I heard the front door open to the daycare, and then I heard Janie’s voice.

She rushed into my classroom, and the look in her eyes had never been more serious.

The fairytale was dead. This was real life now.

We were shooting with live rounds.

“We need to get someone in here to relieve you, because you need to leave, now,” she said. “Jay is on his way here.”

They got another teacher in my classroom, and I left the building immediately. I went to my sister’s house, where I paced back and forth, waiting for information, or some kind of news.

Nothing, for hours.

The sun set, and darkness set in once again. Darkness, which had always been our cover, was now my own personal tormentor.

Then, Janie called.

“What should I do, Michael?” she asked me.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I just need you to tell me it’s ok,” she pleaded.

But in that moment, I couldn’t. I was stressed, overwhelmed, and sickened it had come to this. Jay’s reaction indicated that he knew nothing about Janie’s impending departure. I was sick over this. It was the most conflicting feeling, because in that moment, I also realized that I had fallen for her. But this wasn’t my territory.

I had begun my transformation into a homewrecker.

“I can’t tell you that right now, Janie,” I said.

“I don’t know if it’s going to be ok.”

Our call ended, and everything I knew was once again turned upside down.

I barely slept that night and the next day, Janie wasn’t at work.

Was she back with Jay? Had something terrible happened? I didn’t know. Despite what I felt, I also knew that what was happening behind their walls was none of my business, though I equally shared the guilt.

The weekend mercifully arrived, and I was ready for a break. I needed some time to decompress, and Janie’s deafening silence meant that she was doing the same thing.

That Sunday, I went back to the sports bar to watch the Cowboys’ playoff game. They had a magnificent season that year, and given how the week had closed out, I could of used a little joy in my life.

I felt so flat, depressed, and utterly low, but if this was the way it was going to be, then I had to accept it.

I got to the sports bar early that day, and my friends joined me for the earlier games. One by one, they departed throughout the day until it was just me in the booth watching the game.

Night was falling outside, and the soft glow of the table lamps lit up the sports bar as its customers watched the 3 big screens up on the wall intently.

No one noticed the older man approach my table.

He looked at me as he reached my table. “Are you Mike?” he asked.

“I am,” perplexed as to how this man knew my name.

“I’m John, Janie’s dad,” he said. It was not a friendly introduction.

He sat down in the booth, staring at me with intense dislike.

“I have news for you,” he spat. “Stay the fuck away from Janie.”

The fans around the sports bar screamed and cheered for what had just happened up on the screens. Excitement was palpable throughout the entire sports bar. Everywhere, of course, except my booth.

They were not aware of the fierce threat that was being issued in my booth.

“You’re fucking up their marriage,” he said.

He slid forward off the bench seat and stood up.

“If you don’t listen to me, I will come back here, and I won’t be alone.”

I simply stared at the man as he turned around and walked out of the bar.

Blood had drained from my face. I didn’t feel like I could feel any lower.

Then the Cowboys unexpectedly lost and their season ended. Only then did I truly hit rock bottom.

That was a bad night.

(Bravo to John, by the way. That took some serious intel to not only track me down at a favorite haunt of mine, but also identify me in a crowded sports bar during the NFL playoffs.)

The next day at the daycare, Janie was back at work, and she pulled me into an empty classroom. Janie told me that she was working on her marriage again.

“I think you definitely should,” I said.

Janie seemed taken aback, and it seemed that she wanted me to fight for her. But I wasn’t going to. How could I? Why should I?

I was the invader. I was the one in the wrong here. And for all of my good intentions and bad information, it seemed that the blame was on me for ‘fucking up her marriage’.

Her dad had gone out of his way to find me at a sports bar and tell me so.

I accepted responsibility nonetheless, because I was not innocent. Far from it.

So it was set.

Janie was working on her marriage, and I could finally return to my youth. Maybe find someone my own age, who didn’t have a husband, and grow a relationship the right way.

But if that’s what happened, would you be reading this right now?

That’s not the story we’re telling.

Janie did go back to work on her marriage, but she could not resist contacting me. She couldn’t stop herself from burning something down that may have truly been good for her.

She refused to let me walk away, no matter the cost.

The day finally came where Janie and Jay split up, and Janie sought brief residence elsewhere by staying in a room at Sheila’s house. Now that the separation had finally happened, I allowed myself to even have the faint belief that things would be different.

Janie and I started seeing each other once again, and I’d visit her at Sheila’s house when I could.

In the meantime, Jay and Janie alternated nights for custody of the kids while everything got under way. I stayed away while Janie had the boys, as it was not right for me to force myself in their lives right away. For the most part, the only place they’d see me would be at the daycare.

And that brings us back to that fateful night at the beginning of this chapter. Believing Jay was elsewhere with the kids, the last place we expected to see him was on the same road we were traveling on.

And as I shot out of the passenger seat and ran away into the darkness that night, all I sought was refuge from conflict and safety. But the game I was playing wasn’t built that way.

There would be more conflict. There would be more tension.

Things would get downright dangerous.

And sooner or later, running wouldn’t cut it.

“You left pieces of me along the side of the road Right after you said you'd never leave me alone Found myself on the wrong side of the door I'll come in if you let me I got a song in my head you played me over the phone Left the light on upstairs but there ain't nobody home All the nights that you end up all alone Remember to forget me.”

Blink-182“Remember to Forget Me”

NOTE: Though this is my side of the story, including my own personal recollections and opinions, the reader should not consider this note anything other than a work of literature. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

#dating #relationships #relationship advice #breakups #cheating #marriage #divorce #depression #mental health