#WE LOVE A MENTAL HEALTH SELF-AWARE KING

[anatrik]

First thoughts TTPD:

What a lana x folklore girlie win this issss!

1.Fortnight is about matty?? HAHAHAHA also why did this make me think of when holt was going running with the ladies when he was in witness protection??? Crying. Fav line has to be they were supposed to take me away but they forgot to come and get me. So sad but also so cool in relation to her cancellation/return. 10/10

2. TTPD- not so hahahaha anymore IS THIS ACTUALLY A FUCKING MATTY HEALY ALBUM??? There was a typewriter at the 1975 show she performed anti-hero at? Unless its somehow about harry? Who else is tattooed on her roster??? Or is this about herself? Kinda feel like modern idiots/who’s going to decode is directed at us lol😂 9/10?

3.My boy only breaks his favourite toys- went in expecting mad woman rage. Pleasantly surprised. king of my heart to queen of sandcastles he destroys….DESTROYED ME. Are you fucking kidding me rn? Im caling it. Best song. Im crying at 7.30 am this is not funny anymore. Also THANK YOU FOR NOT SLANDERING DAD. I knew you wouldnt let us down like that. Also the chorus sounds like long story short😭 oh this is so sad. Once i fix me hes going to miss me? He was my best friend?😭 he runs because he loves me? Stopp😭😭 1000000/10

4.Down bad- ….aaaand we’re back to MATTY AGAIN? He does not deserve this spotlight but why are all the song so goood😭😭😭 is this why artists love to date problematic men? It unlocks some extraordinary potential? Crazy crazy girl😭 also stay down (bad) 🤌🏾 shes done it again 10/10 also for personal reasons i will be believing this is about joe in that Tom/Joe/met gala overlap period when she was photographed going to the gym a lot and that this is about all that yearning please let it be about that plesplesplesplesplesples also down bad waking up in blood staring at the sky…like i lost a twin is giving bigger than the whole sky🥺

5. So long, london- so so long long, lon-don DONE? ok miss girl😭 the hoax parallels😭 dont be undoing the song i was going to play at my weddddding what is wrong with you😭 my only one my smoking gun to two graves one gun youll find someone??? Also reminds me of la la land :/ how much sad did you think I had in me? You wrote hoax so a lot ok leave us alone. crying again. 10000000000000000/10 oh lol its a track 5 ofc it is😂

6. But daddy I love him- she really said if you ever liked, shared or even LOOKED at the ‘vivaa las vegas’ memes you cant come to the wedding and shes so real for it. Lfgggg. Ubothered unhinged uhmazing. Growing up precocious sometimes means you still hold on to that princess/quarterback wattpad fantasy AS IS YOUR RIGHT QUEEN GO THE FUCK OFF🥳 100000/10 calling out toxic fandom for the first time and we love to see it🫡 this is suchhhh a happy songggg you deserve ALL the chaos and revelry.

7. Fresh out the slammer- god she gets it. Like sure he was great and he is still my biological father and everything but as a decidedly melancholy person myself who has constantly had atleast one close friend in a deep depression I can see how all that heavy lifting can just get heavy at some point especially when youre a partner and their sole lighthouse in wtv storms be out there buffeting their mental health. Its not for everyone and thats so fair and so valid but so sad as well. 10/10 for the honesty.

8. Florida- she really said girlrot summer🫡 this is the lanaest song ever. So lucky one/nothing new coded. This will be the First song I repeat and then so long london. Aaaghhh how i love a self aware melancholic anxious little superstar. 90283749292/10 thank you for giving florence an entire verse whew. Little did you know your home’s really only a town you’re just a guest in is soooo going on my body forever

9. Guilty as sin?- honestly just fuck if it means we dont have to hear about how desirable ratty healy is man ffs. IThe only reason he looks so hot is bc hes forbidden. You have to trust me on this. He’s sooo mid JESUS. U cant be writing hozier lyrics about a man that hasn’t met a shower😭 1000000/10 writing. -16392992/10 content. Unrequited love/lust truly is the greatest weapon in a poets arsenal bc where is this energy in the joe songs binch?😭 this is such a teen in love with a 26 yo creep who called me so mature for my age mom you just dont get ittt anthem😂😂

10. Who’s afraid of little old me?- is a warning 😂 im so here for it. Like yes I still hate matty with all my heart and soul but yes I agree fans should not be allowed so much of an opinion on another persons life and yes I should be afraid (I am). She said aight love letter era over I AM WRITING YOU ALL HATE MAIL AND I’M HAND DELIVERING IT. Shes sooo done pretending to be the relatable girl next door when she’s anything but and is now reminding us of it and yes yes yessss girl OWN ITTTTTTTT. I’ve been saying for agesssss that there is a darkness under all that sunshine from where she clawed her way to the top and this is sooo vindicating. 10000000000000/10 favourite song ever. Mad woman wishes she was who’s afraid of little old me. I am unwell. I am in love. This is the Taylor Swift i stan. The marketing genius the calculating business woman the puppet master with narcotics in her songs thats why we sing along🫡 she so can handle a dangerous man

11. I can fix him (no really I can)- you cant.

12. loml- ofc. OFC. Its the saddest song of all time. OFC. Fuck offf ughhhh. 😭😭😭😭😭 its giving happiness. Its giving divorce. i am a child of a broken home now and my parents still love each other and hold so much regret still. What do i do with thissss? Im just a little girl taylorrr! 1002380292011010101/10 soo so gooood.

13. I can do it with a broken heart- first of all track 13. Love it. Second of all the upbeat barbieness of it all. Third of all I FINALLY PLACED IT. Shes in her unrelatable era. She is not your girl next door. You will never understand her life. She is as much a phenomenon as a person and we literally only see as much as she allows us to and honestly if i have to get put in my place theres noooo better way to have it done. Im having such a great time actually. 10 BILLION TRILLION OUT OF 10 you tellll em girl you FUCKING TELL EM.

14. Smallest man who ever lived- not going to speculate on who it is bc they clearly had a serious problem and its not a joke but damn :/ thats so sad :/ hope they get help? Didnt expect this to be what the song was about at all?

15. The alchemy- she said TRAVIS IS MY BOY WITH HER WHOLE CHEST😌 10/10

16. Clara bow- did she just name drop herself ? I was so right about unrelatable era. Also the Subtle nod to olivia/sabrina noted and appreciated. Lucky one/castles crumbling (mature version) fr fr. Solid legacy song.

17. The black dog- shared your secrets with and location is the same whiplash as a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground with no one around to tweet it🤌🏾 joe songs hit so so different 😭😭😭 1000000000/10

18. imgonnagetyouback- the valiant roar was not so valiant and more of a mew i guess. 7/10

19. The albatross- oh this is the ONE. The album defining song for sureeee. Mad woman on coke. A rose by any other name is a scandal???? Thats my religion right there. Little last great American dynasty twist there at the end! Fuck yea. She does reallly try to warn the men in her life have to give her that. One gazillion/10

20. Clearly god has favourites and they are the ppl called chloe or sam or sophia or marcus😭 ALSO this song is about joe for sure. The internet starlet hasss to be delaney rowe!!!! It HAS TO BE. 10/10

21. How did it end?- shes back for the fans😂 plot twist the breakup is with yall🤌🏾 but yesss say it louder! One gasp and then how did it end. So good. 100/10

22. So high school- lmao aristotle grand theft auto ONLYY taylor swift man😭😂 you know what you want and boy you got her🫡🫡 11/10

23. I hate it here- mother’s having a mental breakdown kids yk the drill🤌🏾 10/10

24. ThanK you aIMiee- what better way to say fuck you to a hater than to thank her for jumpstarting your legacy my god!!! She is insane for this. The capitalisation is a bit petty tho ngl. 8/10

25. I look in peoples windows- once again I thank you for the kindness and respect shown to joe. Never doubted you but thank you nevertheless. 10/10 short as nice to have a friend but it didnt need to be longer.

26. The prophecy- its so sad and humbling to see even a woman at where she is having to beg for love bc that literally is the nature of love. Something humiliating, to have to beg for 🤷‍♀️ cards playing out like fools in a fable cursed like eve got bitten. No one writes like her damn. 10/10

27. Cassandra- very madeline miller on this one. Love love loveee modern takes on tragic greek women. 100/10

28. Peter- ah fuck. This one is going to hurt (it did). 1000000/10 my ribs get the feeling she did😭 all her joe related aches are so bone deeeep ugh. Promises oceans deep but never to keep😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 oh god it hurtsss it hurts it hurtss

29. The bolter- curious child ever reviled except by her father wow.

30. Robin- OMG! I needed this song growing up sooo bad. That way to go tiger felt so so warm like running into a kitchen after a day of being in the mud and u tell ur mum the silly things u did and shes genuinely interested and impressed by your smol victories. A bajillion/10

31. The manuscript- postmortem of every ex ever🤌🏾 love it.

#taylor swift #anatrik #ttpd #fortnight #clara bow #but daddy i love him #the smallest man who ever lived #loml #my boy only breaks his favourite toys #down bad #so long london #fresh out the slammer #florida #guilty as sin? #who’s afraid of little old me #the alchemy #i can do it with a broken heart #first thoughts #the tortured poets department #my writing #the black dog #the albatross #chloe or sam or sophia or marcus #how did it end? #i hate it here #thanK you aIMee #i look in people's windows #peter #cassandra #robin

[supernaturallyliterate]

Thoughts on Heartstopper Season 2!

🛑🛑 SPOILERS AHEAD 🛑🛑

I really liked the way they switched events around but still incorporated all the main events / convos / quotes!! Like Ben asking for an apology, but instead of doing it at Tara's Bday party, they had Harry try to come in & get rejected & gave Ben's moment more depth and gave Charlie a more specific speech to be like "no, I don't forgive you, and I don't want you in my life. GTFO"

I absolutely loved every single one of Elle's outfits. And the dynamic between Elle & Tao developing their relationship! And I really really liked that we got more Tao backstory. His interactions with his mom, his heart to hearts with Nick (esp about his dad & relationship insecurities; we love a self aware king), his awkward first date with Elle at the theater

I liked Elle having more trans and non-binary friends!! And her art school journey!! Yes, give me more insight into each character's world

Naomi & Felix were iconic and I hope to see more of them! I liked that their presence also drew out Tao's insecurities and forced him to confront them. Like at the art show!!

I of course loved more focus on Tara & Darcy! I'm glad it wasn't just "Darcy is afraid to say I love you :/" and more was revealed about her homophobic parents and toxic home life! And oh my god the moment of Tara walking up to Darcy's house to check on her and meeting her mom for the first time had me SCARED. I was literally hiding behind my partner’s shoulder

I think the pacing still felt really good. And even though I knew what path the story was headed, it still felt natural when they switched things up. They maintained faithful to the original narrative while effectively adapting it to a TV show format, which is honestly SUPER impressive

And I am glad they kept in Charlie's mental health!! I think all the small switches they made really draw attention to how difficult it can be to notice an ED, anxiety, OCD, etc in someone else, even a partner. And they found good ways to express that anxiety with different conflicts and situations

IMOGEN. That girl is so bisexual. I called it last season. The vibes. The hair dye. The insistence on being "an ally." And she's totally falling for Sahar and I am HERE FOR IT.

ISSAC. I really really liked his whole arc with James. Asking Charlie how he knew he had a crush on Nick, relating to most of it, testing the waters with a kiss, and then being confused. Taking to the aroace artist at Elle's exhibition. Going back to that oh so centrally placed Ace book from earlier in the season & happily skipping off with it. I am so happy for him

TORI. Iconic, truly. Love all of her appearance and threats to people who could hurt Charlie. THE PHONE KICK SCENE, AHH. I really hope season 3 gets some sprinkles from Solitaire. They kinda hinted at some stuff to come by calling attention to Ben switching to Highs instead of staying at Truham. But I cannot wait for Michael to be introduced and the chaos to ensue.

The casting: 10000000/10

The acting: infinity / 10

The script: PERFECTION / 10

Please please please go watch or read Heartstopper. Better yet, do both.

#heartstopper #lgbtq #nick nelson #charlie spring #joe locke #kit connor #heartstopper spoilers #heartstopper s2 #heartstopper show #alice oseman #osemanverse

[fake-married-my-dead-fiance]

This is my favourite scene in The Forbidden Marriage, I was waiting for the "she's been lying the whole time" shoe to drop but they did it in such an unexpected way and it was also very logical.

The king is told by his grandmother than So-rang is a con artist, she threatens to kill So-rang if she ever returns to the palace. The king, knowing this, must have been going to warn her to stay away. He overhears Shin-won saying to So-rang that she can't channel spirits and that everything was a lie. He angrily tells So-rang never to come to the palace again, though it's unclear if he was angry at her or just trying to protect her from his grandmother.

Then the king hears that So-rang has been murdered and this is the scene I love. Right before it starts, his trusted friend, Chief Secretary Kim Sul-Rok is worried he'll be a mess again (which honestly, fair) but instead:

Without fail. Whenever they killed those women, that is what they were hoping for.

Which is true, very dark, and shows how much growth he's had over the series, but then it gets even better:

To bring me to my senses back then, the very least she had to do was use deceit. This girl did not start this deceit with bad intention, I am very well aware of that. If it were not for those words, she would not have been able to move my heart. In order to help my fallen self get back on my feet; to help my broken self be put back together and live. All of So-rang's actions were imbued with affection and concern for my well-being. It's because I realized that fact, that I have grown to love her.

Which is absolutely true! He's been unable to properly function as king for 7 years, the people around him tried everything else. And So-rang was sincere (we know from her thoughts) and, partially for personal reasons, she never sought any kind of reward or favour. She was just trying to fix him so that the marriage ban would be overturned, which does help her in a minor way but is mostly for the good of the country.

Anyway, I get annoyed when someone who is very intelligent just gets angry about lying instead of trying to understand why the other person did it, so this made me very happy. And it also demonstrates that this man is capable of being a very good king, he probably would have been already if people weren't actively undermining his mental health.

Perfect scene, 10/10, no notes.

#the forbidden marriage #the lying trope #I knew it was coming but it happened so satisfyingly

[licncourt]

thoughts on “its hour come at last” at the end of prince lestat? louis’ character development is kind of sudden since we don’t actually see much of him before this point but i like how quiet and private the change in him sounds. i also like how he purposefully dressed in his favorite outfit to go sit in the garden. he is on a date with himself like they tell you to do in cosmo. i wonder if he picked up yoga next.

That chapter is fucking everything to me. I waited ten entire books and most of an eleventh for ANY kind of real update on my sweet, sweet baby boy and I cling to those seven pages with my heart and soul.

As always, I'm very disappointed that there was no dedicated Louis POV book around this point in canon to give some insight into how he managed to get from a suicide attempt in Merrick (his last appearance before PL iirc) to a place where he's not only fully open to Lestat romantically but also so incredibly content. Of course, it sucks that we didn't get much of an in-depth look at how Lestat got to where he is either, stable and honest and ready to be a good partner, but Louis is where it all started. His grief and misery are the root of VC, and I wish so much we would've gotten the catharsis of healing rather than skipping straight to rushed closure.

Still, I really love those few little pages. Like you said, his happiness is very quiet, very introspective, very Louis. His version of happiness isn't loud and obvious, it's just peace, the thing he's wanted since the first book. It's learning compassion for himself instead of trying to alleviate the guilt he's clinging to with martyrdom. At the very least, I'm so happy Anne Rice got that right. More than anything, Louis has been at war with himself for over 200 years. It's actually very healing and beautiful to see him finally let go of that, to become a friend to himself rather than his own punishment.

Even if it's not shown, that has to be the biggest reason he's able to be so open about his love for Lestat at this point, has been able to make peace with his nature as a vampire, has moved forward from the rut of religious trauma, can accept love and care from his friends. So many of his struggles were tied to his inability to stop fighting himself. It's a shame we didn't see that happen, but in the end Anne got it right.

Additionally:

By the PL era, Louis is without a doubt a wellness and self care king, and I think it probably started in the 90s with self-help culture and increasing mental health awareness. Louis is so obsessed with Being Normal that the idea that what was wrong with him had a name and Normalness was something potentially achievable for him must have been huge.

There were concrete steps to take, an societal uptick in empathy for people with mental health issues, then later on a rapidly growing acceptance of gay people and support for those who need it instead of a culture of shame. Finding ways to shed that Catholic need to self-flagellate and start investing in his own well-being sounds like exactly what Louis needs, and just existing in a less hostile world would probably make a big difference, especially one that celebrates self-love. So yeah, he get into that shit big time, first because he wants to be Normal, but then because he's Louis.

Unfortunately for everyone around him, he is also full of himself and has quite the addictive personality, so I'm positive he'd be really annoying about it. He does yoga (moon salutations instead of sun). He goes on cleanses where he only drinks from vegan Crossfitters. He makes everyone use "I" statements during disagreements. He meditates. He has marriage workbooks. He recites self love mantras in the mirror. He has incredibly long and complicated self care rituals for certain days of the week. He does his guided journaling religiously and never shuts up about it. He's a menace to society but no one can really complain that much because look how genuinely happy he is.

#answered #vc #louis de pointe du lac

[thekingofthieves]

96A.Is your perception of yourself similar or the same to how others perceive you?

Ah, honestly I don't believe there's a single person out there that views me the same way I do. And that's mostly my fault, frankly. 😅 I've always been quite secretive- now more than ever, since I'm in this human form- and it's not always a purposeful action I choose to make.

My time in the Makai, when I was widely known as the King of Thieves, was probably the closest I got to being percieved by others like I saw myself. I was blatantly egotistical and sadistic, and I made a name for myself through my extraordinary heists and cruelty. But such widespread infamy always leads to plentiful amounts of tall tales. Many stories I've overheard of myself had the truth stretched or had no basis on real events in the slightest. I didn't particularly mind it, though. Attention is attention, which I've always enjoyed, and I got the benefits of more people admiring and fearing me. And though I like the spotlight, I also am fond of secrecy, so keeping people in the dark of what about me is actually true let me have both.

Now... many in the Makai continue to spread these stories and believe they still reflect me (well, if they don't think I'm dead, or know I'm alive but look down on me for fighting alongside humans). When Yomi contacted me again, he had assumed I was still the same Kurama that he worked with a long time ago, but I've changed significantly from my time so far as a human. I may still have a big ego, but I also deal with a lot of regret and guilt over things I've done in the past... Unnecessary cruelty is no longer something I take pride in.

On the flip side, most humans think I'm simply an ordinary man, known for my politeness and intelligence. And to keep my demon identity hidden easier, I don't really make many close relations, so most humans I've met barely know much about me at all. My family, especially my mother, are the only ones who know me as much as possible without being aware of my true self. It's... strange, honestly, having some of the people I'm closest to still only know me through a filter I have in place. I'm much more open with them compared to most other humans- they're even exposed to my more mischievous side- but holding back a lot of myself is such second nature now. Sometimes I can't even tell for sure what is all even a front anymore.

Even with my closest friends, those who do know me as Kurama, I still have a tendency to hide things from them, even unconsciously... Particularly with my feelings, which I'm trying to work on expressing better. Vulnerability isn't something I'm well adjusted to still, at least not with anyone besides Hiei. And when I first met Yusuke and Kuwabara, they were so young- especially in comparison to me- and were being put into such extreme life-threatening situations, that I felt the need to internalize a lot of my own struggles. I didn't want to burden them with more problems, and I wanted to appear well off so they would feel that I'm someone they could always come to about anything. Since I have yet to completely take down those walls, they still aren't aware of the full extent of my issues, particularly with my mental health and sense of identity.

The only person who's seen me express more of those vulnerabilities is Hiei. When we had met, I was desperate for a meaningful connection with someone I could completely be myself around, and Hiei similarly desired such closeness for his whole life (though he was in denial about that for a long time). We could both see our lonliness reflected in the other... It was the only time I've ever been so quick to be open with someone.

But even despite the fact that Hiei's seen all of me- the real me, my deepest feelings and fears- his perception of me still doesn't quite match my own. That's just how it is though, when it comes to loved ones- any of your self loathing doesn't cloud their own views of you. It's easy to be more critical of yourself and your past while accepting any similar flaws and mistakes from your lover. I know I think much higher of Hiei than he does of himself, too. But regardless, it's wonderful to have someone that can truly know and understand me for all that I am. ♡

#words of the king #kurama #youko kurama #shuichi minamino #hiei #kurahi #yyh #yu yu hakusho #ask blog #yyh ask blog #answered prompt

[skyhoused]

Mikey Lee of Sky House makes statement about possible Ac3s comeback

Early this morning, adding on to Brian Ahn’s statement, Mikey Lee of Sky House posted a statement to the recent revival of old Ac3s content. Lee, the group’s main rapper and main vocalist, was also co-captain of Ac3s. Lee posted an instagram picture of his debut album picture and a selfie from Sky House’s campaign, “Be Your Own King” with a lengthy statement. 

The statement reads as follows.

“This is Mikey of Sky House.

It’s kind of unfortunate that I have to make posts like this to talk about things that could get us in trouble, but to make it quick and easy, it’s best to nip rumors in the rear. I’ve been made aware that Ac3s final performance of our debut song ‘D.D.D’ on MuBank has been going viral again, especially after pictures surfaced of my old group members being at Sky House: The Live. 

Ac3s was a group that was and is still close to my heart. It’s not to say I don’t care for my members. They were and are still close to me, we talk daily. Because I am self-made, I can make more of a statement compared to my members, who have contracts that may not allow them to speak on this at all. But I hope that, after speaking to them, that I can tell you from the bottom of our hearts that we are grateful for the sudden influx of love for our one and only song. 

But especially this: we are all happy with our careers. While we enjoyed training together and fighting together, we have found our own paths that we want to be on. I’m engaged, I have Sky House, and I am happy. The other members have happy careers within their career paths. We are not looking to reunite as Ac3s, but we would ask you to please support us in our separate careers. 

On my own statement: There are a lot of people saying that I am ‘shameless’ for talking about my ex-members, as if they’re not my dear friends. Their careers are not ruined, and neither is mine. I know that feasibly I could not try to audition with another company, and feasibly any performance outside of Sky House could see me as reason to cut air time or keep Ac3s off any promotion shows. 

My time in Ac3s was short, and I suffered extreme mental anguish from my own mental health. I have spoken about it in our charity video for “Be Your Own King”, that I dealt with extreme psychological distress while I was an idol to the point that my members had considered asking management for a hiatus. While I wasn’t happy with my contract details, it was more because my members and my family were worried that my mental health would decline to the point I may do something dangerous to myself. So I would appreciate people saying that I am “shameless”, to please stop making groundless accusations about why I left Ac3s, or why I terminated my contract with Two Star Entertainment instead of redebuting with Hyun or going on Across the Universe. 

I appreciate all the love that we have received, and I would ask that you keep sending my friends and my members in Sky House love as we continue to tour. Thank you.”

Two Star Entertainment has not made a statement on Hyun’s behalf. Astral Entertainment gave a simple statement of: “Hangyul is uninterested in rumors, but please continue to support Starcrossed.” Sky House will be in Houston for their tour this week.

What are your thoughts?

rp purposes only, no rb.

#ok last one #also like ya'll can send anons to members about ANYTHING like this like #i write article? u send anon #ask the kids questions about it #*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧ 𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝘀: mikey lee.

[workscounselingcenter]

The Enneagram, Therapy, and You: Enneagram Eight

Hello! I am Shelby, a licensed professional counselor who loves all things enneagram, and works with clients at The Works Counseling Center located in Nashville, TN.

How has your August been? This is a month that is often filled with transitions; going back to school, birthdays, and the beginning of the end of summer to make way for another fall. What transitions have you experienced recently? What helps you in seasons of transition? Today, we will transition in our series from our enthusiasts who we talked about last time, to our justice-oriented, challenger or protector archetypes; the enneagram eight. Please note that ‘challenger’ and ‘protector’ will be used interchangeably throughout this blog, both are used in reference to the enneagram eight.

If you are interested in reading previous blog posts on this subject or want to explore earlier numbers, please click here.

Disclaimer: This blog is not meant to be all-inclusive about this enneagram number, nor is it intended to replace or provide professional counseling services; this blog’s intended purpose is to provide an informal discussion on the enneagram as it relates to professional counseling and mental health. *

Let’s begin.

Referred to as the ‘challenger’ or ‘protector’ archetype, an individual who identifies with the enneagram eight is often justice-oriented, straight-forward and self-confident. Enneagram eights are commonly assertive individuals who have a strong sense of right and wrong, paired with a strong desire to create protection from injustice. At their best, protectors may use their justice-oriented mindset to protect others and promote equality for marginalized populations. At less healthy levels, protectors may become aloof and critical when experiencing feelings of threat. Famous examples of individuals who meet this archetype include Martin Luther King Jr, Toni Morrison, and Queen Latifah.

Enneagram eights are known to be the most independent archetype on the enneagram. However, no one is born fiercely independent. In fact, we are born just the opposite, completely dependent on our caretakers to help us survive and hardwired for connection. Therefore, someone who identifies with this archetype, likely learned in childhood that it was not safe to be fully vulnerable with others. It is common that a protector learned to associate healthy vulnerability with weakness. This can follow a protector into adulthood and show up as unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as: keeping relationships at a distance, resisting vulnerability, and at times, being perceived as confrontational.

When a challenger enters the counseling relationship, it is incredibly important to be mindful of their personal relationship with vulnerability. And to be fully transparent as a counselor who frequently uses the enneagram in therapy, I have not yet experienced a challenger in the counseling space. Is that because challengers do not go to therapy? No, but someone who identifies with this archetype may find it especially challenging to enter a therapeutic relationship if they are not already aware of their own relationship with vulnerability. It is a brave choice for anyone to enter a counseling space, and part of the brave choice for a challenger is taking the step to practice letting go of some of their strongly protective boundaries.

A message of affirmation and healing for our challengers: “There is strength in vulnerability.”

A challenge: To discern when it is safe and appropriate to lay down your armor.

Thank you, challengers, for your industriousness, your value of justice, and your innate desire to protect others. The world is better with you in it.

Let’s check in again soon.

Enjoying learning about the enneagram and want to know more? Please find book suggestions and references here.

If you are interested in exploring the enneagram with professional therapy services or would like to work with a mental health professional, please contact The Works Counseling Center for more information.

#Enneagram #Mental Health #Therapy

[lilmackiereads]

A TAXONOMY OF LOVE (2018) BY RACHAEL ALLEN - SPOILER-FILLED REVIEW

For the review WITHOUT SPOILERS, click here. To continue WITH spoilers, begin reading after the cover photo.

Overall Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

I am actually surprised with myself for giving this such a high rating as I am easily very bored with the teen romance novels. Of the few YA romance that I have read in the last year this has been my favorite which was a total surprise! I actually almost gave up reading it in the first 50 or so pages because I found the initial few chapters from Spence’s point of view unrealistic. For some reason I just didn’t feel like the dialogue and thought processes going on in this 13-year-old boy’s head felt accurate to the tween boys I’ve known growing up. There wasn’t enough swearing or boyish grossness. For instance, I feel like he needed a bit of a sprinkle of yucky (belching/ nose-picking/ farting/ name-calling) like the boys in Stephen King’s “The Body” aka Stand by Me (1986), The Sandlot (1993) or Stranger Things (2016) because many boys at this age are generally just pretty gross and obnoxious in my experience. (I grew up tween to teen between 2008-2018 and babysat lots of kids and now I work with middle school and high schoolers…)

HOWEVER, I think Allen did nail Spence’s dorkiness, which is why I ultimately kept reading because he is pretty adorable and his taxonomies are pretty funny.

Unlike John Green (The Fault in Our Stars, 2012 and Turtles All the Way Down, 2017) and Becky Albertalli (Simon vs the Homosapien Agenda, 2015) who are two of the best teen writers that can accurately display the minds of the opposite sex in my opinion, I feel like Allen struggles a bit with writing Spence’s point-of-view. I found Hope’s p-o-v more realistic (and relatable) as a female, but I think that Spence became more realistic as the book progressed from age 13 to 19. Especially once he hit puberty, I think the romantic stakes and thoughts were more accurate to a teenage boy. Haha. But what do I know? I’ve never been a teenage boy.

Hope reminded me a lot of myself because I’m generally happy-go-lucky, but I had a major emo-phase in high school that really warped my attitude at the time (and admittedly comes out to play occasionally as an adult.) I wish we had more chapters from her perspective. I was bummed out when her sister died. It's hard to lose someone so close to you, especially when they're so young. The only thing I didn't like about Hope was her last name, Birdsong. I think it was just a little too on-the-nose. If we're really going for the "girl next door" she could have just had a basic last name like Smith or Miller.

I really liked all the little parties the characters through for the holidays and the references to Hamilton (2015), Rocky Horror Picture Show (1975), Grease (1978), and Pokémon. Jayla and Spencer's Pikachu and Ash costumes sounded adorable. I feel like Hope’s transition over the story is actually a lot like Sandy’s! Also, the two girls at the Halloween party who were Sandy before and after, such a cool costume idea!

Jayla and Dean were both kind of annoying at times, but ultimately, I think they had good hearts, but were just a little too self-involved for their own good. I really appreciated after Dean went to college and grew up a little and started to stand up for Jayla and Spencer.

I also like that the book goes over some important topics like racism and the Civil War, disability awareness, bullying, mental health, and using sexual situations as a coping mechanism.

My top three favorite parts are:

The Vice Principal’s Surprise -- I mean DICK CONFETTI? How much better can it get?

2. The Tree Stand in the Rain -- My little heart at all the romance:

3. The Lightning Bugs -- Just such a sweet and magical moment.

Would I Read this Book Again?

Low key kind of want to read it again right now! I hope they make a movie of this!

#book review #spoiler review #ya novel #rhps #rocky horror picture show #tourettes syndrome #disability rights #disabled community #ya romance #teen romance #georgia #grease #pokemon #hamilton #rachael allen #a taxonomy of love

[witchcraft-paganism]

The Classic Planets in Witchcraft

The Classical Planets. They are known as such because they can be identified without at telescope and because they have been known since time immorial. In the order that we shall look at these, they are the Sun, The Moon, Mars, Mercury, Jupiter, Venus and Saturn.

To begin with, we start with the Sun. The Sun may be the most important planet of all. It provides life to the Earth. Without its warmth and light, life would not have evolved. It is energizing and stimulating. Without its gravity we would be flying uncontrolled through space. The Sun is a masculine, father figure, and as such it rules all things of growth and prosperity. It governs health, vitality, personal fulfilment, energy, essential principles, authority, command, rank, offices, titles and achievements. Identity and the capacity for experience. It is also a protective energy, as it is the protective father. The Sun is associated with Sundays, so any actions involved with these situations falls under the realm of the Sun. Magically, the Sun energy is used for works involving happiness, prosperity, leadership, joy, healing, protection, power, ego, authority figures, fathers and husbands.

Next is the Moon. The Moon embodies the primary feminine principle, and refers to women in general. As a feminine energy, it is receptive as it receives the light of the Sun and directs it back to Earth. It controls the tides and all things that move in tides like the emotions. The Moon is always changing and fluctuates. It refers to things such as instincts, moods, feelings, habits, the subconscious, tides phases, reflexes and reflections, alterations and receptivity. The Moon rules needs, desires, personal interests, magnetism, liquids, impressionability, fertility and growth. The day of the Moon is Monday. Magically, the energy of the Moon is used for matters of the subconscious, healing, emotions, love, instincts, spirituality, children, small animals, women’s mysteries, the female side of the human personality, mothers, sisters, female partners and wives.

The third planet we are looking at is Mars. Named after the Roman god of war, it is also known as the Lesser Malefic. It is an active, fiery energy. Unlike the fiery energy of the Sun, Mars is typically thought of as more destructive than growing. It is a planet of sudden, forceful and disruptive energy. This energy can be used either violently and destructively or with valor and fortitude. Mars governs desires, sexual energies, focused energies, dynamic action, animal nature. force, power, strife, strain, adversity, work, achievement, competition and death. It also rules weapons, war, accidents, violence, surgery, tools, iron and steel. The day for working with Mars is Tuesday. Magical uses for Mars include issues of war, lust, violence, fast action, victory over enemies or obstacles, strength, endurance, leadership, independence and physical competitions.

Next on our list of planets is Mercury. Mercury is named for the swift Roman messenger god. As such it governs all forms of communication. Mercury was also the physician of the gods, so healing is also a characteristic of Mercury. The airy energy of Mercury is rapid, unpredictable and explosive. Mercury governs reason, intellect, rationalization, awareness, perceptions, opinions, transmission, words, speaking, writing, mailings and means of expression. It also deals with family, children, siblings, social contacts, day-to-day activities, travel and transportation. Wednesday is the day of Mercury. Magically, Mercury is used for works involving mental issues, learning, higher education, addictions, communications, travel, young people, messages, perception, self-expression, artists, poets and writers.

Fifth on our list of planets is Jupiter. Jupiter was the Roman king of the gods. It is sometimes called the Greater Benefic. Jupiter is the lawmaker, judge and benefactor of mankind. Jupiter rules leisure time, wealth, growth, prosperity, opportunity, assimilation, indulgence, optimism, big business, morality, the higher (abstract) mind, higher education, philosophy and luck. Jupiter’s energy is orderly and efficient, and fosters growth and increase. Jupiter, as lawmaker and judge, also governs legal matters. Thursday is the day of Jupiter. Magically, you would use Jupiter for works of growth, expansion, prosperity, money, business, and attracting more than what you have.

The sixth planet is Venus. It is the Planet of Love, named after the Roman goddess. It is also known as the Lesser Benefic. It has a mild and harmonious energy. Venus governs pleasure, natural love, sensuality sociability, attraction, interaction, art, music, poetry, drama, song, culture, beauty, possessions, jewelry, candy, sentiments, color, marriage and unions. Venus is used for magic involving love, peace, beauty, gentleness, women’s problems, healing, protection, lovers, ease, pleasure and affairs.

The seventh and final planet is Saturn. It was named after the Roman god of agriculture. It was also known as the Greater Malefic. Saturn is the taskmaster of the horoscope. Its energy is slow and enduring. Saturn rules organization, discipline, responsibility, structure, goals, career opportunities, limitations, conservatism, crystalized focus, restrictions, delays, theories, orthodoxy, tradition, depth, time, patience, truth, wisdom, aging and solidification. Magic involving overcoming limitations, the elderly, endings, deaths, blocks, constrictions and those restricting you are under the authority of Saturn.

Of course, these lists are by no means complete. But they will serve you in learning the energies of the planets. You can put together further correspondences based off of these lists. Also, as you can see there is some overlap in the energies of the planets. Look at all of the qualities of a planet when choosing the correct one for your undertakings.

#witch #witchcraft #pagan #paganism #wicca #spells #crystals #moon #ritual #art #planets #runes #sun #venus #earth #mercury #tarot #witchblr #saturn #stara #altar #candle

[batboys-batboys]

I’ve recently witnessed some discourse in the fandom in which the OP called Nesta an abuser and offered thoughts on the relationship dynamic she has with her sisters vs with Emerie and Gwyn, the Valkyries she now refers to as sisters. Someone commented on said post and asked when Nesta had abused Elain. There’s inherent bias in this post as I really like Elain’s character in the books but for the purposes of this post only CANON will be referenced.

First off, let me preface this by saying I love Nesta as a character, but I don’t put her on any kind of pedestal for a multitude of reasons. Also, please let me know if you’d like for me to retag this in any particular way as this is my first serious post.

Here we go…

Chapter 17

Silver lined Elain’s eyes, but her voice remained steady, sure. “There was nothing that could have been done to save him, Nesta.”

The words were kindling. Elain had accepted his death as inevitable. She hadn’t bothered to fight for him, as if he hadn’t been worth the effort, precisely as Nesta knew she herself wasn’t worth the effort.

This time, Nesta didn’t stop the power from shining in her eyes; she shook so violently she had to fist her hands. “You tell yourself there’s nothing that could have been done because it’s unbearable to think that you could have saved him, if you’d only deigned to show up a few minutes earlier.” The lie was bitter in her mouth.

It wasn’t Elain’s fault their father had died. No, that was entirely Nesta’s own fault. But if Elain was so determined to root out the good in her, then she’d show her sister how ugly she could be. Let a fraction of this agony rip into her.

This was why Elain had chosen Feyre. This.

Feyre had rescued Elain time and again. But Nesta had sat by, armed only with her viper’s tongue. Sat by while they starved. Sat by when Hybern stole them away and shoved them into the Cauldron. Sat by when Elain had been kidnapped. And when their father had been in Hybern’s grip, she had done nothing, nothing to save him, either. Fear had frozen her, blanketing her mind, and she’d let it do so, let it master her, so that by the time her father’s neck had snapped, it had been too late. And entirely her fault.

Why wouldn’t Elain choose Feyre?

Elain stiffened, but refused to balk from whatever she beheld in Nesta’s gaze. “You think I’m to blame for his death?” Challenge filled each word. Challenge—from Elain, of all people. “No one but the King of Hybern is to blame for that.” The quaver in her voice belied her firm words.

Nesta knew she’d hit her mark. She opened her mouth, but couldn’t continue. Enough. She had said enough. That fast, the power in her receded, vanishing into smoke on the wind. Leaving only exhaustion weighing her bones, her breath. “It doesn’t matter what I think. Go back to Feyre and your little garden.”

Even during their squabbles in the cottage, fighting over who got clothes or boots or ribbons, it had never been like this. Those fights had been petty, born of misery and discomfort. This was a different beast entirely, from a place as dark as the gloom at the base of the library.

Not the blatant belittlement with that “little garden” comment. Trust me when I say I know intrusive thoughts and that this was early on in Nesta’s mental journey but still. This is her, CANONICALLY, preying on Elain’s emotions about what happened with their father and Hybern. We know that Nesta went through a lot of self-hate in this book but that whole “Let a fraction of this agony rip into her” was uncalled for. Elain went to see her sister, whom she admires and recognizes as her protector, only to get chewed out. Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that Nesta didn’t want her there but Nesta was unable to control her emotions and consciously sought to hurt Elain with her words. (Not that she’s not hurting/hating herself too I mean just read the underlined part.)

Chapter 21 (sidenote: this chapter needs to be talked more about in the fandom)

Post Nesta refusing to let Elain find the Trove and the “Shall I tend to my little garden forever?” moment. (iconic btw)

Nesta’s pulse pounded throughout her body. “Do you not remember the war? What we encountered? Do you not remember the Cauldron kidnapping you, bringing you into the heart of Hybern’s camp?”

“I do,” Elain said coldly. “And I remember Feyre rescuing me.”

For a heartbeat, it appeared that Elain might say something to soften the words. But Nesta cut her off, seething at the pity about to be thrown her way. “Look who decided to grow claws after all,” she crooned. “Maybe you’ll become interesting at last, Elain.”

Nesta saw the blow land, like a physical impact, in Elain’s face, her posture. No one spoke, though shadows gathered in the corners of the room, like snakes preparing to strike.

Elain’s eyes brightened with pain. Something imploded in Nesta’s chest at that expression. She opened her mouth, as if it could somehow be undone. But Elain said, “I went into the Cauldron, too you know. And it captured me. And yet somehow all you can think of is what mytrauma did to you.”

Aside from the obvious iconic nature of this whole exchange here we see Nesta yet again hurt and belittle Elain. And yeah, sure, Elain tried to hurt Nesta too here by throwing in that reminder that it was Feyre (and Az) who went into Hybern’s camp and rescued her. But as soon as she did it she went into an apology mode but was cut off as her sister couldn’t stand someone feeling sad for her and needed to remind Elain that she’s a bad person who hurts others. The “interesting at last” comment was a (pardon my French) bitch move. There, I said it.

Nesta knew just which words to use to beat down her younger sister who’d always looked up to her, and she didn’t hesitate to use them. She knew which words would hurt her and she said them. Elain shot back here though and reminded Nesta that her trauma with being captured by the Cauldron is her own and no one can shoulder that for her. And that despite this trauma, she’s willing to risk herself to find the Trove and face the magic that took her choices away.

Anyways, I just wanted to shed some light on some scenes that I think a lot of readers and participants of the acotar tumblr fandom glossed over. These were, coincidentally, 2 of the few times Elain showed up in ACOSF. I mean, given the fandom’s warring views on Elain as a character it’s not shocking people would gloss over her and Nesta’s interactions (even though she who knows more about Nesta than anyone else).

I guess I’ll close this by saying that Nesta is not a perfect character. And, admittedly, these scenes did happen in the first half of the book. However, just because Nesta battled her mental health and overcame a lot of challenges, it doesn’t erase the fact that she hurt Elain with her words. She preyed on her younger sister’s love for her and (to my recollection) did not apologize for the way she treated her. Nesta’s an interesting character and so is Elain. Elain is a huge part of the acotar story/world, whether you like it or not.

#acosf #elain archeron #nesta archeron #i love her but this needed to be addressed #not sure if its anti but just in case like I'm only talking about things she's said that were not good #lmk what yall think

[atticsandwitch]

Obey Me! Characters and an MC with chronic pain

More self indulgence

Lucifer

Is aware, thanks to Barbatos, but also respects your privacy.

Probably won't act like he already knows if you decide to tell him.

Can't stay by your side as much as he wants, but he works hard behind the scenes to make sure you're taken care of.

Makes sure the first aid cabinet is always stocked with pain meds.

Calls you in sick when you need to miss school.

Schedules your doctors appointments

Often tutors you to make sure you don't get behind.

Makes Mammon bring you your homework, Has Satan pick up your meds.

Still wishes he could do more.

The first to check on you in the morning if you wake up in pain and are late to breakfast.

Mammon

The first to know after Barbatos. He's always in your room going through your things, so he found your medications, aids, etc and tried failed to find a subtle way to ask you about them.

Is honestly amazed that you have to deal with that every day and still manage to do everything that you do for him and his brothers, and all with a smile.

Thinks you're a badass.

Whenever he goes on shopping sprees with Goldie, he buys you anything he sees that he thinks might help.

He doesn't know what it is, but it says its for pain, so MC might be able to use it!

It breaks his heart to see his human in pain, and he feels helpless, so he'll stay by you and stroke your hair during pain flare ups.

Hovers a little.

Always willing to lay in bed and have a Harrison Porter marathon.

Gets really good at wrapping your joints in compression bandages, braces, or kinesio-tape.

Leviathan

The resident Akuzon addict will actually research all the best products for coping with pain. He'll sort through reviews and find whatever sounds the most helpful.

He finds out when he invites you to an anime/gaming marathon and you decline, saying you're in pain.

Boy doesn't run, but he's at your door in three seconds flat and out of breath, trying to make sure you're okay.

Video chats, live streams, and other technological ways to hang out become a common option for the two of you, but he also sets up an area in his room just for you, where you can lay down and access anything you'd need to feel better. Tens unit? Check. Pain meds? Check. Heating pad? Check. Braces? Check. Ice packs? Check. The list goes on, MC.

Knows all your comfort characters/series, and incorporates them into his comfort strategies. "'You're amazing! I don't know anyone who could handle what you do every day!' That's what the die-hard gamer from your favorite anime would say in a situation like this, right?!"

Satan

Makes a point to do things for you before you can even ask him to.

Will get things for you, bring them to you, put things you've left out back in your room or where you'll easily find them so you don't have to go looking.

Always offers to carry things for you.

Reads up on whatever he can that might help.

Should we get Cerberus certified as an emotional support/service animal?

Obviously a good tutor when you need help with school.

Reads to you or sends you cat videos when you're having a bad day.

He's really good at reading people, so he's one of the first to notice when your mood starts to change due to the pain.

Makes the others aware whenever he realizes you're having a pain flare up.

The Devildom Museum of Art is suddenly offering virtual tours of all their new exhibits. Hmmm I wonder who could be responsible for that.

Asmodeus

The king of massages and back rubs.

Seriously, it makes Mammon jealous, so Asmo's always giving you back rubs in his room so Mammon can't butt in and demand that he takes his hands off you.

Always there to offer you a hot bath

Learns all about aromatherapy, and knows all the best scents for relaxation and pain relief.

Always buying lotions and massage oils to use on you, especially if he thinks they'll help.

Knows about all of the newest super food trends and encourages a healthy lifestyle and diet without being pushy.

Drink lots of water, MC!

Encourages you to take it easy, and to never feel guilty about taking care of yourself.

Seriously, Asmo will force you to take self care or mental health days if he thinks you need it. (Much to Lucifer's chagrin. Guess he's calling you in sick again.)

Beelzebub

Along with Belphie, he's very good at being able to read your mood and tell when you're starting to feel bad.

Likes giving you piggy-back rides and always offers to carry things for you.

Seriously, between Beel and Satan, you don't ever have to lift a finger if you don't want to.

Checks in with you often, but tries to make sure he's not hovering. He wants to help as often as he can, but doesn't want to take away any of your independence.

Gets really into physical therapy and learns all the best stretches and exercises to help you, but still knows that sometimes only junk food can make things better.

Takes it upon himself to bring you all your meals. He'll even pack you lunches, or go get your food for you in the cafeteria.

Knows all your favorite comfort foods.

Really just wants to hold you when you're not feeling well.

Probably the second best at massages after Asmo.

Belphegor

Prides himself on how well he knows you, and can tell when you're starting to feel run down almost before you can.

Takes it upon himself to learn your limits so he knows when you're pushing yourself and can distract you so you don't overdo it and wind up in pain later.

A little bossy, but his heart's in the right place, "Don't sit like that, MC, your back will hurt later"

Canonically already carries around stomach medicine for Beel, so he's definitely carrying pain meds around for you too.

Snuggle buddies for life.

As much as he enjoys/needs sleep, if you're having a pain flare up, he'll make sure to stay awake to stroke your hair and comfort you until you fall asleep first.

Tries to make jokes to make you feel better.

Doesn't seem like it, but he's a pretty good tutor too. He's used to cramming at the last minute.

Diavolo

Makes sure you have any accommodations that you may need. Online classes, extensions, extra sick days, you name it.

Checks in with you often, but won't say anything about your condition unless you tell him first. Will act like he doesn't know until then. But will sheepishly admit the truth if you find out and apologize.

Does anything he can to help magically as often as possible, but there are rules and limitations even for him.

All he really wants to do is take care of you and treat you to things. Anything at all that he can do to help, really.

Would pamper you within an inch of your life if he could.

Has the Little D's help you out with things all the time, but tells them to act like it's just coincidence that they're there and have time to help.

Lucifer and Barbatos both have to remind him that you need rest and he can't constantly be checking in on you. They roll their eyes whenever they see the Little D's approach you.

Barbatos

Was probably the one in charge of all the details of the exchange program, like transportation and background information, so he would have been the first to know.

Made Diavolo and Lucifer aware as part of his duties, but respects your privacy and wouldn't offer any details without permission.

Seriously admires your strength. It takes a lot to deal with pain every day.

Always has pain meds, braces, or other small helpful items on hand.

Does more for you than anyone besides Diavolo.

Diavolo and Lucifer both think it's sweet, and may tease him a little.

Solomon

Always has magic ointments and creams on hand, and gives them to you often.

Knows that weather can affect pain, and checks in on you when it rains.

Will take notes for you in class and bring them to you at the House of Lamentation.

Worries more than he lets on.

Does extra medicinal magic on you without your knowledge, but only if he knows it'll help somehow. Normally he has no problem experimenting on people, but he cares too much about you, and you've been through enough.

Simeon

Likes to cook for you when you're not feeling well and brings meals to you when you miss school sometimes.

Is really good at taking care of people.

Always there to listen, and very sympathetic.

Has to hold himself back from hovering, but having to remind Luke helps him.

Loves playing with your hair while he comforts you.

Forehead kisses.

Like Beel, he just wants to hold you and make things better.

Luke

Worries about you a lot when you miss school.

Simeon and Solomon have to remind him that he can't constantly call or check on you because you need your rest, but if one of them visits you, you can bet that he's tagging along.

You're so strong MC!

Making you desserts as we speak.

Would share his comfort items with you.

#obey me #mammon #satan #belphegor #beelzebub #lucifer #leviathan #asmodeous #diavolo #barbatos #simeon #solomon #luke #obey me chronic pain #chronic pain #obey me characters

[awed-frog]

Sometimes I wonder about the effects of photography though? Like, almost the entirety of human existence on Earth was spent without any record of people’s physical appearance. Unless you were a king or had a very talented relative with a lot of time on their hands, you would have no image of yourself at all. In fact, you would barely know what you looked like. And now, over a very short period of time, we’ve moved from that to a few generations who had maybe three undated photos of themselves (first communion, leaving for the army, a wedding) to another couple of generations who had a few hundreds (many of them blurred, badly centered, and ‘ugly’) to camera phones and social media. And I know we talk a lot about the effects of IG and Facebook on our mental health (and we should talk about it even more, imo), but I do wonder about the deeper impact of those constant images on our sense of self. For instance, children like seeing photos of themselves, and hearing about those times they were too small to remember. Does having thousands of cute photos from birth to adolescence change anything in how you perceive yourself and build your own awareness? Is it a positive impact (more memories, a clearer path from point A to point B, the proof of time passing, look how many people love me!) or a negative one (vanity, self-importance, possibly dysmorphic disorders, loss of control over who owns our faces and what they do with them)? I don’t know. It’s such a big change in how our entire perception of the self is constructed, and it happened so rapidly, and yet we barely even notice it. Cheese.

#photography #portrait #technology #zoomers problems #welcome to the future #history #the yeeting twenties #thought of the day

[iamanartichoke]

I'm creating my own post in order to avoid adding negativity to someone else's, but I will link the post that inspired this one for context. This post talks about the theory that King Loki is the one pulling the strings, and it's mostly a theory that I can get behind as laid out by OP, but I have a serious problem with the role Sylvie may play in it, which is what this post is about.

So, okay, I was with [OP] right until this part -

Except, King Loki never met Sylvie. King Loki is everything Show Loki could’ve become if he hadn’t met her. Who he still could be, because it’s possible for him now to kill King Loki and take his place. But he won’t do that, because meeting Sylvie set him on a different path. Because she taught him how to love himself, he can let go of his need to grasp at power to feel special and important and in control of his life.

I'm not saying this is wrong (and my criticism is no reflection whatsoever on OP's theory in general, which is pretty sound overall), but I am saying that if the show chooses to go this way, I'll probably rage quit. It's a lazy trope to fall back on - that the only thing that could prevent Loki from becoming an evil mastermind and/or supervillain is meeting "the one" (in this case, Sylvie) and falling in love with her. It's so over simplified.

For one thing, I don't see how Sylvie taught him anything, let alone how to love himself. They may have a bond even after knowing one another such a short period of time; I'll give them that, since they're variants of one another and that strips away some of the layers and allows them to connect more easily. But Sylvie's existence isn't a lesson and while Loki may admire her for what she's accomplished, it doesn't automatically mean he can see himself capable of the same things. Whether he is capable or not isn't the point. He clearly doesn't hold himself in as high regard as he holds Sylvie (which is super in-character for him, to downplay his own strengths and potential even while recognizing the value in someone else's). Maybe he can learn to view himself as favorably as he views her, but to me, that's not what "teaching someone to love themselves" means.

(It's worth mentioning - but I won't digress too much - that at this point in the show, Sylvie shows no indication that she returns Loki's feelings, nor has she gone out of her way to build him up or show him that he's worthy of love, so it really is just Loki's feelings for her that we're relying on, that this point, to carry the love story.)

To be honest, I don't think he even necessarily views Sylvie as a variant of himself, as much as he views her as a separate person. She may know what it feels like to be a Loki, but her experiences are so different from Loki's and her path is so far diverged that it's more akin to meeting someone who knows what it's like to struggle with depression (or mental health in general): their perspectives are similar, and their emotional cores may align, and meeting may make each of them feel like they're not so alone - but she is Sylvie and Loki is Loki and neither one of them can step into the other's shoes and know exactly what it's like to be them. The way that he interacts with her implies that Loki is aware of this - that is, he's aware that they are two separate people, even as Mobius insists that they're the same.

So my point is, even if Loki admires Sylvie or falls in love with her bc of reasons, I would still fail to see how that put him any closer to loving himself. But say it did, for arguments' sake, since that's what the writers are going for. I still feel like it would be lazy to say that this is the one thing that stops Loki from becoming the most evil version of himself. It undermines Loki's legitimate trauma and layers of issues, like his fear of abandonment, his crippling lack of self-esteem, his belief that his worth has never been equal to that of Thor's, his identity crisis and struggle with the idea that he is "a monster," figuratively and literally. By virtue of all of these things being major contributing factors to Loki's fall and his villainy and his need for power to feel in control - which I believe that they are - it would naturally follow that, unaddressed, these would be the major contributing factors to Loki becoming more and more evil until we have a King Loki masterminding the TVA (and, by extension, the timeline, the multiverse, and free will itself - like, that's some pretty significant evil, or at least power).

(Again, it's worth acknowledging that it didn't go that way for Prime!Loki, who proved more than once that he was a good person at heart, and he never met Sylvie either - but, that's beside the point right now.)

But Sylvie can't be the sole person who inspires Loki to address these things, nor would these things just go away or fail to hold the same weight once Loki meets and falls in love with her. Loving Sylvie doesn't change that Loki is a frost giant and has never come to terms with that. It doesn't mean he's suddenly not afraid of abandonment, or of being alone. It doesn't fix the complicated twist of emotions (understatement) Loki feels when it comes to Thor and the concept of worthiness and the truth of their parents' love for them.

At best, one could argue that Sylvie may act as a support system that Loki might not have otherwise had, which would allow him to then confront and untangle his way through these issues to ultimately suceed in becoming the best version of himself. This still renders her role in Loki's life a supporting one as opposed to the one thing that can stand between Loki as he is now and Loki as he has the potential to be (in this case, a full-fledged supervillain).

Loki's issues are issues that will not go away until Loki faces them head on and does the work. Which is a journey, admittedly, too long and complex to be accurately portrayed on-screen in a limited series, but the narrative can either imply that Loki's journey is one of self-love with his feelings for Sylvie acting as a catalyst to his working through the things standing in the way of that self-love - or, it can skip all of that and say that Loki's self-love journey begins and ends with his love for Sylvie, and not only does this "fix" him but it's also the one thing that prevents him from becoming a supervillain who presumably controls all of these things - the TVA, the timelines, etc - without remorse.

I, personally, would have no interest in the latter option, so if it does go that way, I think that'd be it for me. And I realize that a lot of my argument here is focusing on Loki ending up as King Loki, which is still speculation and it may not go that way at all. But I think that - since the show has confirmed it's going to explore self-love through a romance - my points about Sylvie's ultimate role in Loki's journey of self-acceptance are still worth mentioning, I think.

#loki tv series spoilers #loki series spoilers #loki spoilers #loki series negativity #since i'm criticizing a theoretical aspect of the show and not anything concrete #the negativity tag would apply

[cartoonfangirl1218]

Twisted Tales: Once Upon a Dream Review 

Ah yes, this twist on Sleeping Beauty was the first Twisted Tales book in the series, and an excellent intro to any newcomer I believe. The book asks “What if Sleeping Beauty hadn’t woken up?”. In fact it pulls Prince Phillip to sleep too once he kisses the princess. For our story starts not as we know it. In fact it seems quite like the beginning of the Maleficent movie (though this came before the movie). King Stefan and Queen Leah had brought the kingdom to ruin, warring with other states for more precious green land until there were none left, and vines and demons have wandered until it has become a wasteland. Throwing balls every day, neglecting the kingdom in favor of petty little court intrigue and showing off their wealth. They also neglecting their daughter because she wasn’t the boy they had wanted. All until Maleficent, the “savior of the world” stops their tyranny, and their selling 16 year old Aurora on her birthday to evil fairies, and saves the remaining kingdom by keeping them safe in the castle away from the Outside. There Aurora grows under her Aunt Maleficent’s tutelage, learning math and trying to dream the day away until the Outside become livable again if ever. Sounds a bit like the movie yes, but things are simply not adding up as Aurora’s memories of this life bump up against reality until she sees a grisly death and begins to piece together the truth. This is not real, it’s all a dream. Maleficent tied her soul to Aurora’s after Prince Philip killed her in dragon form. If she can keep Aurora trapped until the clock strikes twelve on her sixteenth birthday, Maleficent can take over her body and continue her grand revenge. And Maleficent has been manipulating Aurora’s dreamscape patching memories and illusions to keep her there.

It’s a painful realization. Literally as the force of the colliding memories hit like a bull in a china shop, as well as the fact that Aurora has to think more than ever before. Yes, Braswell does her best in what at first seems tongue in cheek reference to how Aurora doesn’t do much. It is acknowledged within the text that she has always done what she was told, been a good girl, never really had to think beyond that. But now there’s decision-making to be done and Aurora must lead the charge to save her kingdom.

From there, Braswell delves into a very intense yet interesting aspect to Aurora that I have never seen done before. That this lack of thinking or taking action has taken a toll on her self esteem. She believes herself to be bossed around because others think her incapable. She also thinks herself incapable, she’s aware that she has no real talent or skill besides the gifts the fairies gave her, she doubts that she could run a kingdom or even make a good escape against greater powers. It all makes her want to retreat into herself, and sleep forever. . . I’m sure you can guess at the greater mental health implications there. Braswell does this well adding an unseen depth to the blonde haired, fair voiced princess transforming her into someone that is seen as an ornament to a girl discovering herself and what she’s truly capable. But don’t worry she has friends on her side. As I said before, when he kissed Aurora, Prince Philip fell into Aurora’s dreamscape and so is able to provide some help and insight to what has happened in the real world. Braswell does her best to continue Phillip’s characterization, being a brave, noble prince as well as offering a youthful boyishness and sunny optimism with endless love to the princess he fell in love with at first sight. Another trope that Braswell plays with as Aurora has no memory of their first meeting and finds such an idea hard to believe. Especially as she struggles with her insecurities over who she is, much less being the girl that Phillip fell for within minutes of meeting. She offers a sweet growing romance between them, where they get annoyed with each other yet also support each other through really dark moments in the forest. Plus Phillip has his own, not demons per say, but his own sadness in his traditional strait laced life as a prince with quite a bit of parental neglect as kids were seen more as pawns/future rulers than as children. But his father, King Hubert also has a bombastic role here that is very entertaining.

Flora, Fauna and Merryweather also make helpful appearances in the real world and in the dreamscape, with Braswell creatively assigning each fairy to represent a part of Aurora’s inner voices. As for the big bad fairy herself, Braswell keeps her deliciously regal yet evil, while hinting at a streak of humanity that makes her continued decision to choose evil more heinous. Believe me, her road to evil is full of blood and hellfire, there are no resurrections here. And yes, the spindle plays a vital part in her defeat and Aurora’s victory.

Additionally, I enjoyed how Braswell created a medieval world full of demons and hellfire in fitting with Aurora’s time period in the 14th century as well as some ye olde innuendo with swords and dairymaids not that Aurora understood, but I enjoyed nonetheless. Additionally I enjoyed how she created a dreamworld where time is long yet fast and just adds to tone disorientation the characters feel.

I don’t have many complaints, it was a solid book introducing the concept of the series as well as creating interesting characterization for the Disney princess with the least lines. The only nitpicks I have are that it dragged a bit in the end and sometimes included more modern slang like “totally” once or twice that took me out of the book.

Overall, 4 spinning spindles.

#twisted tales #liz braswell #once upon a dream #my reviews

[parrishh]

about to write the world's longest post (a review? maybe?) because i don't know anyone else who has read mister impossible yet and if i do not write my thoughts down SOMEWHERE i will either combust or eat my own foot, probably (spoilers, obviously)

genuinely brokenhearted (and cried a lot) over ronan in this book. part of what i loved so much about cdth was the sense that ronan had at least made some progress in regards to his mental health, self-love, etc. and now we're seeing him in such a dark place again that it hurts to read. it was sad enough believing, for almost the entire book, that he was blindly idolizing bryde for this reason (declan's "ronan is a follower" speech in the cafe with carmen actually killed me), and i thought maggie was just going for the whole "unhappy people are more susceptible to cults" thing. but to find out that he MADE bryde? that he felt so alone and so hopeless that he dreamt THAT? this read like some sort of super-villain origin story. i know ronan believes he's doing the right thing, saving dreamers and dreams and all that, but at the core of it all he's really doing it because bryde told him to, and bryde only exists because ronan subconsciously hates his life so much he'll do whatever it takes to make himself a new one. that just makes me incredibly sad

uhhhhhhhh bad day for pynch stans. we didn't technically get the dreaded break up, but it feels like we did anyway. even the sweet moments (e.g. ronan's memory of adam's gloves) are immediately followed up by something sad (e.g. the memory not being enough to keep ronan from sticking with bryde) (also, fletcher tells the moderators that they're broken up, so does that mean adam told all his college friends he's single?) there are several moments in which ronan makes it very clear that he will (and does) prioritize what he's doing with bryde over his relationship with adam (hanging up on him at the end? what the fuck) and like, i'm definitely not saying his boyfriend should be the #1 most important thing in his life because that's not healthy, either, but the dude is clearly very unhappy & insecure in the relationship. i still think (hope?) that they'll get a happy ending because ronan definitely cares about adam deeply (not wanting bryde to say the word tamquam, keeping adam out of his dreamspace so he doesn't lose harvard, etc.) but things are looking pretty grim right now :/

adam loves ronan so much it makes me crazy. he could easily say "fuck this" after ronan doesn't speak to him for weeks, especially knowing that ronan's capable of reaching out because he still talks to declan and especially after being blocked from ronan's dreamspace, too. i would be pissed if i heard from my bf for the first time in weeks and found out he only called because he needed a place where he & the guy he ditched me for could crash. but adam still spends the free time i'm sure he doesn't actually have keeping tabs on ronan and reaching out to declan and pretty much doing everything in his power to help. and oh my god even after ronan hangs up on him we still see him scrying to try to get to him and i need to move on now before i scream (but first, declan lynch = #1 pynch stan??? the number of times he mentions adam when thinking about the things he wants ronan to keep safe, help me)

speaking of adam, i had to put the book down and take a lap after his first appearance. i cannot believe this boy is charging harvard kids for fake tarot readings and making hella cash off of it. KING. genuinely some fantastic adam content in this. i love that he talks to the gray man. i love that we are reminded that he's literally brilliant. but also, he makes me sad, too. when declan mentions how ronan is the ONE person who adam opens up to and how all of his harvard groupies are just "ducklings"........honey, i love you, please, please, please make some real friends

hennessy's pov also breaks my heart. it's maybe even worse to read than ronan's because she's fully aware of how unhappy she is and the bluntness of it slaps you across the face. the memory of her mom's painting was genuinely chilling (the lace pattern on the floor - was that how the Lace started? am i understanding that correctly?) and the fact that it was so dreadful she accidentally made a sweetmetal....poor hennessy :( also, the things she said to jordan, right after she made half a dozen real ass people crash their cars and didn't even bat an eye about it....yikes. i'm glad she teamed up with carmen and liliana, though. i love my team of wlw girlies (also really interesting that carmen/liliana believe the Lace is something out of hennessy's control while ronan/bryde believe it's something she can get rid of if she just tries hard enough. what the fuck is the Lace, it's driving me nuts)

CARLIANA KISS CARLIANA KISS CARLIANA KISS

jordan's pov!!!!!!! delicious, finally some good fucking food!!!!!!! i'm happy that she's starting to see herself as her own person, independent of hennessy, and the whole forgery/original work metaphor was really cool (her first original work being a portrait of declan 🥺🥺🥺) i loooooove her relationship with matthew and how she speaks to him and that they're able to connect with each other because they're both dreams. i love that she's able to make him feel more human

JORDECLAN KISS JORDECLAN KISS JORDECLAN KISS (but i'm even more hung up on declan just casually talking about MARRIAGE, oh my GOD)

declan my beloved....my sweet......absolutely obsessed with him saying "screw politics, i'm leaning into my crime side" and OBSESSED with him being happy for once. i know the other shoe did drop and now things are all messed up again but it was so nice to see him so content, at least for a little while. he needed a break (also was laughing my ass off at all of ronan's dream creatures just climbing onto his bed in the morning and his screaming and how matthew was so used to it he BRUSHED HIS TEETH before going to help. iconic)

matthew's pov was also really upsetting but 🥺him deciding he's tired of just being treated like a pet and that he deserves to have a future so he goes to sign himself up to finish high school 🥺

quick note but the whole sweetmetal thing is really interesting as a concept. loooooved the way maggie incorporated the gardner museum heist into the story

THE ENDING???? WHY THE FUCK IS JORDAN AWAKE. WHY THE FUCK IS RONAN STILL ASLEEP. WAS ADAM STILL IN THE MIDDLE OF SCRYING WHEN THE LEY LINE DISAPPEARED, AND, IF SO, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN FOR HIM. WHY ARE LITERALLY ALL THE MODERATORS DREAMS. WHAT IS HAPPENING

#this is a literal essay god help me #actual word vomit #this book is going to haunt me for the next year and a half i don't know what to do #mister impossible #mi spoilers #mister impossible spoilers #wrambles #tdt

[softykooky]

sanctuary: six

summary: leaving your father was easy. leaving them? well...that’s a different kind of strength. 7.9k words.

genre: mafia au, fluff, major angst

pairing: ot7 x reader

warnings:  toxic and dysfunctional familial relationships, mentions of domestic abuse (physical and verbal), swearing, ptsd & trauma, poor mental health, mentions of anxiety & panic attacks, reader goes to therapy, hurt, argument/yelling, the boys are mean...

author’s note: i made you guys wait long enough hehe :) hope you like it, please let me know what you think! and please take notice of the warnings!! they are there for a reason <3

♡ series masterpost ♡

Your nightmares have gotten better...somewhat. Better in the sense that you don’t let them carry over as much to the next day. Better in the sense that now, there are seven smiling faces that greet you every morning to help the fear dissolve. But they still relent as strong as ever, and make you toss and turn every single night with no pity. 

They’ve gotten more frequent since that meeting with your father. More vivid. Some nights, your nightmares are so bad that you just end up migrating over to Taehyung’s room right next to you and sleeping on the edge of the bed (though you just end up wrapped around each other in the morning). Taehyung never bats an eye. Only opens the side of his thick duvet for you to crawl into and flicks on a lamp because he knows you don’t like the dark after a nightmare. 

Tonight is no different. From the other side of the wall, Taehyung can hear your pained whimpers and mumbles that he can barely make out. Your sheets rustle as your body protests the vivid dream, and he can’t help but to bolt out of his comfortable position to check up on you. You’re still deep in restless sleep when he opens the door and approaches your bed. 

“Y/N, sweetheart, please wake up”, he soothes, caressing the side of your face with one hand. “It’s just a dream.”

The yellowing bruise on your cheek has begun to fade, but it still makes their blood boil every time they catch sight of it. Seeing it right now makes Taehyung want to burn the entire city down and your father along with it. But he is here for you. And Taehyung (and the other six) cannot be anything but soft towards you. 

“Baby, wake up”, he says again, louder this time and it makes you begin to stir out of sleep. You quiet at the contact of his skin but your eyes remain closed and that fitful frown is still on your face. Taehyung doesn’t know that his mere presence brings you comfort. Even when you’re not conscious. 

He takes the authority to nestle under the covers next to you and it’s as if your body just naturally gravitates to his, tucking yourself into his arms like a linking puzzle piece. It’s a selfish reason, and Taehyung doesn’t want to tell anyone, though he has a feeling the guys already know and also share his belief. But he secretly treasures the moments that he gets with you, even if it is for a heartbreaking reason such as nightmares. 

He loves the feeling of your body next to his, and the blankets that get just a little too overheated because the both of you are human furnaces. He loves the gentle thud of your heartbeat on those nights that he holds you closer than normal, when you shake like a leaf through your dreams and he is your tether to the ground. 

And to think, just a while ago he was yelling at you from the other side of the wall, complaining about your loud crying. He wants to go back in time and kick himself. Taehyung’s scared. He’s never really cared for someone like this before.��

You are already safely stowed away in his wide chest when a shadow walks by the room. Taehyung is not surprised when Yoongi creaks the bedroom door open, and not surprised when he sees Jimin in tow. 

“We heard her all the way from upstairs.” Yoongi mutters through a yawn. Jimin just sighs and looks at your sleeping figure with concern and longing. The two men shuffle into the room and as Jimin lifts up the blanket to flank your other side, Yoongi sets himself at the foot of the bed. Not that any of them lacked space, of course. The boys made sure your room was properly equipped with a large California king. 

“It’s been getting worse. I don’t know what to do. I want to help her, but I-” 

Taehyung finds himself getting choked up through his words. They all feel the same way. It’s just that there’s been too many nights where he’s had to hold your broken pieces together while you scream out the ghosts of what has happened to you. If it’s too much to bear for the seven of them, looking from the outside, they can’t imagine how it must feel for you. 

Jimin reaches over, your body nestled between the two of them, and inserts his hand inside Taehyung’s, caressing the thumb back and forth of his skin. 

“I guess all we can do is be here on the nights that are difficult.” Yoongi tilts his head so that he’s looking at you, still drifting off in your dream with a pained expression on your face.

“She’ll get through this. She’s strong.” 

The words that Yoongi whispers into the night air of your bedroom are hopeful. Uncharacteristic for a man like him, but when it comes to you, optimism is the only choice. He’ll allow himself to have hope if it’s for you. 

The four of you fall back into shallow sleep, and time passes by differently when it’s night time and your bones cry for rest. They fall in and out of consciousness for a minute or a couple hours, none of them are sure. All they can focus on is their worry, and you continue to battle through your war of bad dreams. Jimin and Taehyung awaken again when you begin to stir.

You quiver like you’re cold, even when you’re sandwiched in between two warm bodies and they both snuggle in to hold you even closer. But you remain lost to your nightmare and begin to cry tears that drip down and dampen the fabric of Taehyung’s pajama shirt. He knows you’ll apologize profusely for that in the morning, but he couldn’t give less of a damn about his shirt. The feeling of you crying in his arms makes him feel like an utter failure. 

Jimin wipes away the wet trail that the tear left behind on your skin, and wants to cry himself. He doesn’t know how to take your pain away, and wants to scream because sleep is the only time where you can truly rest and the universe deprives you of even that. 

“I’m so sorry, princess. We’re here.” He whispers to your unhearing ears. “We’ll be here.”

When your cries begin to get loud and your muttering becomes pained, the door is softly opened again. This time, it reveals a wide-awake Jungkook and a not so awake Hoseok. Yoongi rolls his eyes but can’t help the fond smile that paints his lips. 

“Jungkook, I told you to stop staying up so late playing video games.” he whisper-scolds, and Jungkook looks sheepish in the lowlight of your bedroom. They’re not surprised by his late night antics by any means, and they’re also not surprised that he abandoned them to check up on you. They all know Jungkook has an unreasonably tender spot for you. 

“Is it her dreams again?”, Hoseok says, pure worry leaking out of every word and staring at your impossibly small self in Taehyung’s hold. There’s no annoyedness in his tone. They’re all just deathly concerned about you. 

Pushing Hoseok inside the room and quietly closing the door behind him, Jungkook situates himself on the loveseat next to the bed, while Hoseok just plops on the plush rug, snatching a throw pillow and tucking it under his head. Jimin sweeps a stray hair away that had fallen into your face. 

Though they’re all trying to close their eyes and sleep, they all know that tonight will be a restless one. If you are not peacefully sleeping, they won’t be able to either. And it seems that that statement applies to all of them, when not even 10 minutes pass until Namjoon and Seokjin make their way to your bedroom, for the same reason as the other five. They wordlessly set out pillows and blankets on the floor beside your bed, nestling into each other for warmth and hoping that you can feel their sincerity even in sleep. And if anyone could see them now: big, bad mafia bosses cuddling together to help you through a night of bad dreams, Bangtan would force them to sign non-disclosure agreements. For you though, they could do this for hundreds of nights. 

When all seven are there, you miraculously slumber peacefully through the night. For the first time since Taehyung crept into your room, you are resting comfortably, quiet and undisturbed. And when you start snoring, Taehyung wants to cry with sheer relief. It was as if your subconscious vied for the presence of all the boys, and now that you have it, they finally allow themselves to drift off as well. 

The last thing you expected when you woke up this morning was to be dripping in sweat and much too aware of the extra three bodies on the bed with you. Ones you don’t remember going to sleep with last night. You have no recollection, just remembered that you went to sleep alone and now the seven men you’ve grown far too fond of were in the room with you, still snoozing the day away. 

At the foot of your bed, Yoongi stretches his limbs and groans when the sunlight peaks through the curtains into his eyes. He squints away the sleep and smiles dopily at you from under a blanket. Hopefully he doesn’t notice the way you practically melt at just his gaze. 

“Morning, sweetheart.” His throaty morning voice makes you blush two shades of red. 

“Good morning”, you whisper back, not wanting to wake any of them up. They just look so adorable and so completely exhausted. Yoongi bets that all of them would rather forfeit their positions as mafia bosses before telling you it’s because they stayed up all night worrying about you. “Um…”, you murmur, eyes darting around the room, “why are you all in here?” 

Yoongi doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to admit how whipped they actually are for you. 

“You were...having bad nightmares. So we wanted to come make sure you were okay.” 

Your eyes widen at Yoongi’s confession, and it reminds you of when Namjoon had done the same for you all those nights ago. It makes your heart ache and bloom at the same time because well..no one’s really cared enough to do something like this for you. Something so simple yet significant. You blink away the mistiness in your eyes, looking around the room once again. 

Three of them are on your bed. The rest are distributed across the floor and Jungkook’s slung uncomfortably on a chair. When you look back at Yoongi, it seems like he already knows all the thoughts running through your head. He already knows the words you want to say, but don’t know how to articulate. 

“We’ll do this every night if we have to, Y/N. For as long as it takes.” 

You leap from your spot under the blankets to wrap Yoongi in a bear hug, burying your face in his shoulder as he buries his in your hair. Though you are overheated from the cuddling and still dazed from sleep, you hold him with as much sincerity as you can muster. You have a feeling he can tell when he holds you back just as warmly. 

The movement makes Jimin and Taehyung wake in unison and as they rub the fatigue from their eyes and land on the sight of you perfectly swathed in Yoongi’s arms, the two of them think it’s a sight they could get used to waking up to. They wonder if you feel the same way. 

“Thank you.” Your words are airy and light in his ear, but Yoongi knows their true weight. He doesn’t say anything. Just plants a soft kiss on the side of your temple and relishes in the scent of your shampoo. 

When he stares past your shoulders, he meets the gaze of Jimin and Taehyung, who are fondly peering at the two of you. Years of being with each other, they’ve learned to communicate certain things without having to say anything. And right now, in the gentle morning light, the realization is beginning to seep in. 

Perhaps the way they care about you is more what they had expected. 

Living with the seven of them is an adjustment. Getting accustomed to a rhythm and routine in a house that’s the headquarters of an underground powerhouse is easier said than done. You were constantly surrounded with uncertainty and tiptoeing danger but you had never felt unsafe. They were there. And as long as you had them, this house was sanctuary. 

You’re not in any immediate danger. Your father had basically agreed to leave you alone for the foreseeable future and the media had begun to calm down. However, when the tides have settled, the boys are able to see you up close and personal and at all the ugly scares you’ve tried to hide from everyone. They’re able to see what those years of trauma has done to you. 

Whenever someone’s voice booms too loudly across the mansion, yelling orders at subordinates or for any other reason, you start to quiver like a leaf in the wind. When one of them reaches towards you too quickly, for simple things like a wave or to hold your hand, you can’t help but to flinch in anticipation. And you try to hide it, but it’s impossible not to notice. 

They notice everything. 

They always do, when it comes to you. 

With every mannerism and survival instinct that has been involuntarily drilled into your subconscious, they all grow angrier that you’ve been subjected to this pain. Hoseok has had to talk Namjoon down from sending their entire fleet to dismantle the ambassador a couple too many times as they continue to learn how deep the trauma with your father truly runs.

“Y/N…”, Jin hesitantly mutters, fiddling with the food on his plate nervously, “have you ever thought about...going to therapy?” 

You freeze in between a chew and swallow, eyes staring into his with an innocent deer-in-the-headlights expression. You look like you might have a panic attack, and Jin is quick to cut the tension. 

“N-not that we’re forcing you to do it, my love. It’s only a suggestion. It’s just that..maybe it would be good for you. To talk about things and get professional help.” By the way he says it, and the way the other boys are staring at you expectantly, you realize this is something they’ve probably been discussing for a while now. And though it’s heartwarming to know that they care about your health, the idea of going to therapy is deathly daunting. 

“I don’t know, guys…” You twist your hands in your lap, a nervous habit to show your discomfort and they all instantly regret bringing this up at all. You keep your gaze glued downwards. You’re afraid that if you look up, you’ll just see disappointment from the ones that you’ve grown to care about so much. You don’t think you could handle it. 

“Could you look at us, Y/N?” Namjoon’s voice is soothing and there is no single trace of anger or frustration. You slowly tilt your head upwards and meet his eyes. 

“At the end of the day, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. If you don’t want therapy, then fuck therapy, princess.” 

Namjoon feels gratification when his statement makes you smile, and his heart suspiciously flutters in his chest. 

“But we just want the best for you. We all want you to heal because…”, Namjoon looks around and makes eye contact with the rest of the boys, whom he knows share his same feelings. 

“You’re so important to us.” 

You’ve known this. You know that they care about you even when your mind forces you to doubt that anyone does. But when you hear it like this, so raw and unfiltered with sincerity leaking in every letter, it ignites something that you haven’t felt in a long time. 

Hope. 

You take a glance next to you at Jungkook, whose warm smile makes your lungs feel like molten honey. At Yoongi, who looks back at you with gentle eyes. At Hoseok, who is impossibly soft with you. At them all. It makes you realize something:

You don’t want to go to therapy. It’s scary and you’re not really sure if you want to talk about your father or your family or anything that happened before you met Bangtan. But you have people who care about you now. And if you didn’t want to do this for yourself, then, well... you would do it for them. 

“You don’t have to decide now, but-”

“I’ll do it.” Your voice slices through Taehyung’s words. “I’ll go to therapy.”

“Are you sure, Y/N?”, Hoseok questions. Though he wants you to very badly, he wants you to do it on your own terms. And though your statement is strong, he can see the doubt and uncertainty swimming in your irises. 

“No, not really.” you whisper, and they practically deflate so you are quick to remedy their dejection. 

“But...I know that I want to get better. I know it’s going to be hard, but I want to get better.” You take a deep breath.

“For you. All of you.” 

The room falls silent, and the noise of clinking cutlery against porcelain plates stills. They could only look at you and wonder what country they have saved in their past lifetime to deserve to stumble upon someone like you. Someone so wonderful, and so damaged but so determined to heal. For them. For all of them. 

Jungkook scoops your hand in his, and when you look in his eyes, you are stunned to see that there are unshed tears pooling at his waterline. He looks at you and there’s something in his gaze that you can’t place. Something lovely that makes you feel like all this hurt has been worth it. Jungkook looks at you like there is something worth looking at. 

“We love…” From your other side, Jimin starts speaking, but cuts himself off halfway through and suspiciously glances around the table, meeting the gaze of the six other boys who already know how he wants to finish that sentence. But he doesn’t. 

“W-We love that you want to do that for us”, he coughs, and you return it with a smile. 

Did a part of you want him to say something different? Something deeper? You’re not sure, but the tinge of disappointment in your stomach that follows his words is a sign. 

Could you allow yourself to think that someone could actually genuinely like you past platonicity? Much less seven powerful men? After years of your father telling you the complete opposite, accompanying each scathing word with a bruise, it’s difficult to believe anything different. 

Therapy was, in a word, completely exhausting. It was tiring dancing around the subject of your father’s abuse, your mother’s neglect, Soyeon’s blatant denial and just the complete package of being the eldest daughter to Ambassador Yoo. When they all had scheduled you for 4 sessions a week, you immediately wanted to decline and opt for one. But their eyes had all looked so hopeful. So excited for you to get professional help, and there was no possible way you could have turned them down. 

Progress is frustratingly slow, though. Some days you just want to quit.

 You plop unceremoniously on the large plush sofa, grabbing the nearest throw pillow and cradling it to your chest. The boys are all in the other room, but are now fully aware of your presence after you slammed the front door and huffed your way to the comforting couch. They can practically feel the rays of stress emanating from you. 

“Y/N? Baby? What’s wrong?” Jimin is the one that first approaches, and the rest stare on with concern leaking out of every pore. And when you reply with a sniffle and hiccup, their hearts all collectively break. 

You feel a dip in the couch and crane your neck to lock your teary eyes with Jimin’s, whose brows are deeply furrowed. You involuntarily launch into his arms, tucking your face into his neck, and inhaling his cologne that always manages to calm you down. You hear them all shuffle around you. 

“It’s just..”, your voice pitifully cracks, “hard.” From your position, they are thankful you cannot see the heartbreak in their expression. It’s so hard for them to see you as anything but happy. 

“I don’t know if I can do it”, you breathe out, feeling a new wave of tears begin to rise. You want to cry even more at the thought that they would be more disappointed in you. .

But there is a warmth from your other side, and you don’t know who it belongs to as it sits next to you. 

“I’m so proud of you, Y/N”, Namjoon whispers oh-so-softly. They are such simple words. Arguably mundane and ordinary. Then why does it knock the wind right out of your chest? Why does it light up your dark tunnel? He’s proud of you. They all are. Even when you are an emotional mess with low mental energy, Namjoon is sitting next to you and telling you that he’s proud. 

You erupt into heart wrenching sobs that won’t seem to stop no matter what you do. It’s the kind of cry that feels like a weight has been lifted off your chest. A cry that comes straight from your core and it sounds painful but truthfully, it’s just relieving. You know that all of them are worried out of their minds. You can feel it in the way Jimin shakily holds you as tight as he can, as if you are delicate chipped porcelain in his arms. 

But this is how you rebuild. With the seven of them by your side. You tell Namjoon to cancel your future therapy sessions the next day. Your psychologist was far short of revolutionary, and when they all asked you why, you admit that it’s not the therapy that’s helping you get better. 

It was just them. Being around them. Talking to them. 

It was Seokjin carding his hands through your hair and rubbing out the tension that always inevitably develops in your temples. It was Namjoon letting you lounge quietly in his office as he goes through paperwork, enjoying your presence as much as you enjoy his. It was Yoongi and Hoseok rambling to you about their adventures on the field (leaving out the gory details, of course. They wanted to keep you innocent and soft). It was Taehyung sneakily replacing your pink peonies as soon as the first petal began to wilt, even after the infinite amount of times you told him it was unnecessary. It was Jungkook and Jimin making excuses to spend the afternoon snuggled up on your bed when you all knew it was simply because they wanted to hold you. 

It was all of them tiptoeing around affection, craftily sneaking in spare kisses and touches on the skin. Holding you a little longer than necessary, a little more tenderly. Intertwining your hands under the dinner table, or when their subordinates weren’t looking. 

You notice the way they blush more often, if you let your touch linger for too long, or if you brush past them and make skin contact. You notice how pet names are easier to spill from their lips; ones like: my love, honey, sweetheart, baby...and you can’t help but to completely indulge in the way it is addressed only for you.  Little ways to subliminally tell you that perhaps you meant more to them than they were ready to admit. And you would be lying if you said your feelings for the seven of them were completely platonic. You would be lying if you said love wasn’t on the brain. 

Perhaps you are the missing piece to a puzzle they hadn’t realized was unfinished. 

“Hyung...I think I love her.” Jungkook is unsurprisingly the first one to voice it. The six others don’t even bat an eye. 

“No, Jungkook. I know you love her”, Hoseok whispers back in the tense silence of their meeting room. You are fast asleep on the floor above, but their hearts call out to you through the short distance. 

“I am too. We all are.” It is a truth they’ve known for a while. Sooner than they’re proud to admit. 

“I guess now all we have to do is figure out how to tell her.” 

They did want to. Tell you, that is. They wanted to shout it from the rooftops and make it known to the world that you are the angel that has snatched their hearts without even realizing it herself. If it hadn’t been for the disaster that suddenly struck their mafia, the boys would have already bared their souls to you. But timing was never kind. 

Bangtan were not known to be gullible. Not known to be easily fooled. So when Taehyung ran into their meeting room, red-faced and clenching his fists so hard they turned white, the Judas in their gang had come as a scathing surprise. 

One of their inner circle. Someone they had poured their trust and faith into, who had learned the system of their syndicate, had been a mole the entire time. Of course, they had disposed of him quickly, but the damage had already been done to their business. Allies and affiliates were backing away from collaboration in fear that Bangtan had been breached by law enforcement. Shipments were going missing more frequently, and even the lower hierarchies of their gang were beginning to become doubtful. To say the least, the seven of them were under debilitating stress and frustration. 

Nowadays, things were different than before. You were mostly kept in the dark about their business but you knew that something had happened. Something to make them so wound up, and it worried you to no end. It’s impossible not to notice how tense the house had become. 

Taehyung no longer stops by your room late at night, and in the early hours of the morning, you can still hear the frustrated clacking of his keyboard from next door. Not that you needed him to help you through your nightmares, but...you’ve gotten used to his comforting presence next to you.

Jungkook doesn’t seek you out for random conversations, and Namjoon just completely disappears in his office most days, not sparing you a single glance when he does manage to show his face outside. He locks the door now. You take it as a strong message that you are no longer welcome, and it upsets you, but you understand they are going through a rough patch. Your job is to be the least bothersome person you could possibly be. 

But Yoongi just flat out ignores you now, and you know Hoseok pretends to care about whatever topic of conversation you bring up. You can see right through his empty affirmations and nods. The kitchen is completely void of Jin, and there are no more clanging pots and pans when you try to cook for yourself. And Jimin is just like the rest of them: absent and indifferent to your presence. 

You know that it’s not you. The problem on their plate is bigger than you, but it still feels like you are a walking, breathing burden. You know that it’s not you, but your mind tells you they don’t want you here anymore. They’re sick of you. 

Two weeks pass by, and they’re still so cold even after all your attempts at trying to be calming comfort in their chaotic lives.  They still talk to you, but it’s strictly refrained to small talk that feels obligatory and like they have better things to do than spend time with you. They’re so busy that you often find yourself hanging out alone in the garden or making light conversation with the maids, or gang rookies that hang around the mansion. 

And it hurts to admit, but they don’t notice when you begin to regress to your old behavior. They don’t notice when you begin to flinch at anything that moves too quickly again, or the way you begin spacing out more than usual when you delve too far into your thoughts. They don’t notice when your nightmares start worsening again, too busy in their pooling stress to hear you toss and turn late at night and emerge from your bedroom with red, sunken eyes in the morning. You are relapsing into the learned behavior from your father, and you are terrified to admit it to yourself. But after a particularly bad day of anxiety and panic attacks, you put your fear aside to talk to the boys again about going back to therapy. It was virtually pointless, but you won’t let the seven of them take the brunt of your mental health when they had so much going on already. 

You timidly make your way down to the lower level of the mansion, slow footsteps leading you to their meeting room, where they’re all engrossed in their work and you can feel the tension choking the air. None of them notice your presence at first, until you cough to get their attention. They all snap their heads up and stare.

“Hey, could I um..talk to you guys for a couple minutes?”

 You feel like a specimen under a microscope. You used to be so comfortable talking to them. Now it just feels unnatural. 

“Can it wait, Y/N? We’ve just lost another shipment, and it’s a big one”, Yoongi grumbles from his seat, rifling through a tall stack of papers with a permanent crease in his brows. 

“Okay, then when can we-” 

“We’re just really busy right now.” 

Jungkook doesn’t mean for his voice to be so loud. He probably didn’t even pay attention to it, but it makes you flinch and stumble backwards. Makes you melt more into the girl you used to be. The one who stayed quiet out of survival, diminishing under the authority of a loud voice with cruel intentions. You know he doesn’t mean to do it. But you can’t help but see the face of your father again, and those long-healed scars seem to re-flicker with pain. 

Still, these were your boys. So you push on. 

A deep breath. “I was just thinking that maybe I could go back to-”

“Y/N, please. We don’t even have enough time to breathe. I’m sure whatever you need can be addressed later.”

The room falls into silence. Their message is loud and clear. And though it's painful to hear, it’s your own fault for exaggerating your place in their lives. He was right, it could be addressed later...you were just being a bother. 

“Right. Sorry.” Your halfhearted mutter falls deaf on their ears. They haven’t spared you a single ounce of attention, eyes still glued onto their work. You swallow down the heavy feeling in your throat and force the tears away. Why does your chest feel like someone’s twisted up your heart? 

You’re always so sensitive, Y/N. Such a crybaby. You can’t even take care of yourself. 

The tread upstairs back to your bedroom feels like an arduous journey as you try to hold yourself together and pretend like their actions hadn’t hurt you. But they weren’t responsible for your trauma. Your problems. You couldn’t blame them for not making it a priority, when their empire was threatened. 

They don’t hear you that night when you hold a goose-feather pillow to your chest and sob out the fear of being unwanted again. They don’t show up at your bedroom door when you wake yourself up from crying through a nightmare. 

You’ll figure it out yourself, with or without a therapist and with or without depending on them. From now on, you decide to make yourself invisible, focusing all your energy on dragging yourself out of the dark place you’re stuck in once again. So if you have to suffer in silence for their sake, so that they don’t have another insignificant loose end to worry about, you’ll do it. It’s the least you can do.

But you’d come to learn that those words are easier said than done. 

“Miss Y/N?” There is a light knock at your door, and the soft voice of the maid barely penetrates through the thick wood. You remember her name was Jun. The noise goes through in one ear and out of the other, and you can’t even find it in yourself to reply. 

“You haven’t left your room in two days. I was just...making sure you’re okay.”

Her statement shocks you out of your dazed stupor, and you hadn’t even realized the amount of time you spent staring into space, limp on your mattress.

 It was getting harder. To just function and drag yourself out of your bedroom so you didn’t, and two days unknowingly passed. But to you, they only felt like hours. Time passes by differently when you’re blindly navigating through trauma. 

It’s hard to sit up and slowly tread to the door, and your bones ache after not moving for so long. When you open it, guilt pools in your stomach to see her worried expression. Though you can guess why she looks so concerned. You’re a complete disaster. 

“Oh, honey…”, she sighs, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, “here. Let’s get you into some fresh clothes.” 

You mindlessly let her help you out of your days old T-shirt and sweats, mindlessly let her guide you into the shower and turn on the water, mindlessly let her rub shampoo into your scalp. You don’t even have the energy to open your mouth and tell her the water’s too cold. You’re still stuck inside your own thoughts, and you can only hear your father’s voice in your ear as he repeatedly affirms how worthless you are. Useless Y/N, that’s what he would say. Good-for-nothing Y/N. 

You’ve somehow gotten it into your head that the reason why they’ve been so absent with you is because they don’t know to tell you they want you to leave. After all, staying in the Bangtan mansion was only supposed to be a temporary solution. Maybe this is how they kick you out. 

When Jun wraps you in a fluffy towel and drags you out from underneath the showerhead, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. Your cheeks are sunken, and the dark circles under your eyes look almost painful. And somewhere along with that reflection is the image of your father. His angry face, glaring at you and screaming why you let yourself get like this. 

“Jun, have they…are they still busy?” Her eyes widen at the first words she’s heard from you, but there is sad sympathy on her face in a split second and you’ve already gotten your answer before she can say anything. 

“Yes, dear. The bosses are very occupied. But they can always make time for you, hm? They care about you a lot, you know.” Jun’s statement makes you frown, but you don’t retort. Maybe you used to think that they cared, but now it just felt like their kindness was out of obligation. They felt guilty for sending you back to your father. Or perhaps they used to care for you. But now...you weren’t so sure. 

When she manages to get you downstairs, in the kitchen, and set you in front of a bowl of soup, the boys are nowhere to be found. Jun tells you they’re out doing business and you tell yourself you’re not hurt that they hadn’t even noticed your absence for the past two days. 

They’re just roped up in other things, that’s all. 

After your shower and meal, Jun insisted that you take a stroll around the garden, and specifically instructed you to check out the new peony bush she had just planted. She mentioned it was per request of the seven bosses, but you had a hard time believing any of them would be concerned with something like that during this time. They hadn’t even made the time to talk to you. 

You hadn’t realized how much you needed to be outside and breathe in fresh air until you stepped out into the grassy space. Even though the solitude was getting to be too much, you were experiencing a newfound peace that you wanted to keep for as long as possible. Jun was right, and the peony bush was absolutely gorgeous. You actually feel like an alive and functioning human being. It was surprising that you were so dependent on the boys that without them, falling apart was inevitable. But now you were coherent and not so drowned in your toxic mentality (you’ll have to thank Jun profusely later), and you feel determined to talk to them again.  About going back to therapy, no matter how useless it felt back then, and try to get on your own two feet. Now that you had seen and felt how serious it was, you wouldn’t be so complicit if they tried to silence you. 

From over the tall hedges, the sounds of wheels rolling on gravel could be heard before the tense slams of car doors. The sound of Jungkook and Namjoon’s low muttering falls on your ears and though it sparks excitement inside you, you’re also fearful of what they might say. You don’t think you can handle another swift rejection like last time. Their indecipherable conversation ceases when you hear the entrance doors close, and seal them inside while you are still out here in your own world. 

The white peony that’s cupped in your hand feels so fragile and soft that you don’t want to touch it anymore. It makes you think of them. Of how delicate it feels recently and how you’re so deathly afraid of them changing their minds one day and kicking you out with nowhere to go. Maybe you’ll just wander around again. There’s a distant cousin in the states also, but you’d have to figure out how to get out of the country without alerting your father. You shake yourself out of your intrusive thoughts. 

No way your boys would do that to you.

Right?

The way back from the garden to the house is brief, but your anxiety about talking to them lengthens the trips and the feet feel like miles. You are wrapped up in your thoughts the entire way, and when you make your way into the house, you almost don’t notice the angry voices that are bouncing off the walls. It sounds like Taehyung is yelling, and the sound curdles your stomach. You hate it when people yell. It just reminds you of your father. 

You follow the commotion to the kitchen, extra cautious and apprehensive. The sheer volume of their reprimanding seems to shake the house and your hands begin to quiver as you get closer. Peeking out from behind a wall, their backs are to you but you can see the face of a sheepish boy who hangs his head, gaze glued to the floor as the seven men continue to berate him. You recognize him as one of the newer members that was initiated a couple weeks ago; you’ve talked to him a couple times and he was never anything but courteous. He looks like he’s about to cry and it makes your heart ache.

Your attention pans back to the seven out of shock. The only time you’ve seen them this angry was at the meeting with your father, so you can only imagine what that young boy has done to land himself in this position. 

“I told you a fucking million times too many, Lee. I told you to check in with the shipments as soon as they arrived in Myeongdong. So imagine my fucking surprise when I get a call notifying me that they’re all missing. Stolen.” Namjoon’s voice cuts straight through the room. His fists are clenched and even from the back, you can tell the expression on his face is one of scalding fury. 

A shipment? They’re this infuriated over a shipment?

“I-I’m sorry, Boss. Please, I...please forgive me. I know it’s no excuse but I’m new here, a-and I swear this will not happen again.” He shrinks into himself and you quietly whimper in sympathy. 

Yoongi humorlessly chuckles. “You swear? The only valuable thing you have to swear on is your life. And even that’s not worth much.” 

It’s moments like these that you forget how cruel and ruthless they can be. They’ve always been so soft and gentle with you before, you forget they are mafia bosses overseeing an entire empire. That they’ve gotten here for a reason. You forget that people fear them. But you remember now. 

Lee stays silent and still refuses to look up, but you can see the way his knees shake uncontrollably. He is one person standing up against 7 huffing bulls, so angry they can’t see straight so if you - tiny and meek you - has to be the one to come to his defense, so be it. 

Because you’ve been that person going head to head with a bull. You see yourself, terrified and regretful, in Lee. And you’ll be damned if you have to watch and not do anything about it. Your heart beats thunderously in your chest but you push past the fear. 

Their heads all snap up in surprise when you march into the kitchen and stand in between them and the boy, who looks even more painfully young up close and sporting that deer-in-the-headlights expression. You lock gazes with each of them, swallowing your nerves before speaking. 

“Is it really that big of a deal to yell at him like this? Look at him”, you gesture to the cowering person behind you, “don’t you think he’s had enough?” Your voice is still soft, and such a contrast to their angry ones. But it seems like your gentle tone just makes them even angrier, and snaps them out of their initial shock.  

“A big deal? He cost us thousands in shipments! I’d say that’s a pretty big fucking deal to me, Y/N.” Jungkook bursts out, exasperatedly running his hands through his hair and looking at you with an angry frown. You flinch at his volume. The stress on their shoulders is more apparent than ever.  

“Why are you defending him, Y/N? You don’t even know who he is”, Jimin spits, growing even more irritated. There’s a hint of jealousy in his words and it’s so subtle that you don’t even notice it. 

“I know that he doesn’t deserve to be yelled at like this for a little mistake. One that I’m sure he is regretful of making.” It suddenly feels daunting when you realize that you’re going up against all of them, and now, they’re all staring at you with the same anger that was meant for the one that messed up their shipments. 

“And what if that mistake is a sign that he’s traitorous? Hell, I wouldn’t be surprised. Seems like that’s a trend going around here.” From behind you, Lee is quick to open his mouth and begin to protest, but you interrupt and speak strongly. It seems this disciplining session has morphed into a full blown argument between you and them. 

“It was one person. I get that it’s shitty, and I’m sorry it happened. I understand that you have to be on watch now and extra cautious. I do.” You sigh, a pleading look in your eyes but they remain stone cold.

“But one person did that. Are you going to treat everyone like they betrayed you? Are you going to treat me like I betrayed you?”

“I don’t know Y/N, you were so quick to defend him. Maybe you did. I wouldn't put it past you.” 

Taehyung’s words run through you like a hot knife to butter. You almost stagger back at the shock. You’re no stranger to hurtful words but when they are coming out of his mouth, it hurts tenfold. How could they think you would betray them? 

They promised to trust you, didn’t they? They promise they’d believe you after they failed to the first time. Now it just feels like you’re that spoiled little rich girl again in their eyes, standing in front of them and pleading your innocence. 

“W-what? No, I-”

“You know nothing about our world, Y/N. You can’t possibly understand.” Jin’s silver voice is colder than you’re ever heard it. 

“I know that, but could you just please-”

“As a matter of fact, this is a mafia business matter”, Yoongi shoots, poisoned words designed to hurt. 

“I’m not sure why you’re here at all, Y/N. Just leave.” 

Gone is the strong persona that you had put up to protect this young boy. Gone is the confident woman who thought she had the will to stand up for herself, much less someone else. You can only keep your eyes glued to Yoongi, and hope that he doesn’t see your heart crumbling right in front of him. How had he aimed mindlessly at your insecurities, and shot a bullseye into the biggest one?

Maybe you did, Y/N. I wouldn’t put it past you.

Blame it on the blurriness through your tears or the sheer shock running through your veins, but you can’t find one smidgen of regret or guilt in his expression. On any of their faces. Just anger and annoyance, aimed directly at you. And suddenly the spacious mansion feels all too suffocating. 

You know nothing about our world Y/N.

The words you plan to say die on the tip of your tongue, as quickly as they came. There is nothing that comes out and in the aching silence of it all, the way you maintain eye contact with each of them speaks volumes. Yet they are blind to the way you are ripping at the seams, and oblivious to the turmoil they are putting you through. The coldness of their gaze and words shoot through your core, like a blade of ice piercing through your heart. 

I’m not sure why you’re here at all. 

Just leave. 

In short, right at this moment, they look like strangers. Strangers who know what scares you, what foods you don’t like, your favorite flowers, your favorite color. Strangers who have seen your heart, welcomed it, and who were now crushing it in front of you. 

What a fool you were to think that they could reciprocate your feelings. 

What a fool you were to think that they wanted you as much as you wanted them. 

Your pained chuckle is a discordant sound in the tense quiet. Their stares burn on your skin and though you are trying so hard to now show how utterly broken you feel, you wonder if they even notice. when you look back into the eyes of the boy directly in front of you, he is still so angry and red you find it hard to believe anything but your alleged cold, hard truth:

The seven boys you have fallen in love with utterly despise you. Perhaps they always have. 

“Yeah”, you whisper brokenly. “Maybe I will.” 

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