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arthurtristankingsmen · 9 months

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Small things I think I'd like for myself, a non-exhaustive list:

- Be engaging and fun to watch the streams of, enough to build up a small group of people who want to watch my streams regularly. so whenever I do one, I have people to converse consistently with in the chat and connect to

-improve my art enough that I can do more interesting and dynamic poses and produce cool pieces faster. It'd also be rad if i got to a point that people might tip me for the chance for some of my work, even the silly doodles, not just because they're my buddies (though I will never not appreciate the kindness of friendship too <3).

- Write again, whatever I want. Write the characters I want to. Create for myself, or to share with others, both art and writing, but without the expectation that anyone *should* like it. It's okay if it's just me. I'll love it enough for everyone. Notes don't matter to me already, but i need the same mindset about comments and engagement, where they're icing on the cake, but the cake should be mine to enjoy the process of baking.

- fight to become kinder and more patient again. I feel like I've lost myself because of traumatic events and some abuse over the last few years, and I'm not as good at being someone worth being around as I used to be. I burned out and I've struggled to be as understanding or to say things right, and I've fallen on too-teasing humor. I need to change, to joke in kinder ways than playful jabs that could accidentally go too far, and to find that gentler version of myself again, while maintaining boundaries. I can be honest and say what people need to hear, but I won't be blunt, I'll take the extra minutes to say it with compassion and sympathy and understanding. I want to be a safe space.

- Learn you can't help everyone. I know I want to, so so bad. But there are times you can't, and accepting that is better than feeling helpless and getting upset. I can't do stuff like donate to everyone who needs it every time, when I don't have anything to spare. I can't give up all of my mental spoons to help someone vent about a stressful day, when I'm barely hanging on by a thread. I can't keep telling myself that my life has no point and It's too late for me to be okay, so the only thing i can do is be of service to others and help them live better lives than me. It isn't too late for me, and my sacrifice wasn't asked for and it doesn't make me a hero or 'good' that i'm willing to do that. I have to kill the egotistic part of my brain that thinks my suffering for that kindness is "noble", and not something that would make the people I'm helping that way feel guilty for taking from me, if they knew. Give what you can spare of yourself, but leave enough to live with. No one wants others to set themselves on fire to keep them warm, and if they do, that isn't a relationship to maintain.

- Stop putting emotional energy into people who won't listen to the advice you give. instead of saying the same thing over and over again and getting resentful that they don't listen, just let them be. sometimes people need to stumble and stand up on their own to really learn for themselves, and it isn't worth all the energy you might try to give, just because you feel it'll help them, especially if they don't truly want to listen.

-You can't fix everything. it's exhausting, and a little too much ego to think you know better for everyone, and it's controlling to try and take over to help someone like a parent they never asked for, even if your intentions are only ever meant to be good and helpful. People are in charge of their own life, and they'll figure their stuff out with time, whether it's learning to listen because of realizing it would've helped a different time, or through trial and error. Keep the advice to people who ask for it, or it actually seems to help, and conserve the energy you'd spend on the people who nod along but never follow-through, so you don't end up feeling frustrated when they don't heed it.

-related, but stop putting as much energy into relationships that feel one-sided. Find people to talk to, to have fun with, and stop investing so much in relationships where almost all of the emotional energy is yours. You can't be the one who always tries to carry a conversation just to see it drop off. If they don't have the energy for you, or you're not a priority, that's okay. We can be friends, and still have nice talks and you can still care about them deeply! But try to prioritize relationships that make you feel you are worth listening to and engaging with, for yourself, rather than the ones where others zone out when you start talking when its not something they care about or are fixated on, or those who only engage when they need a sounding board, or drop off every time you try to engage them. All of these things are fine to do on occasion, don't get me wrong (i do it myself, it's human and not something to punish yourself for) but if it's almost every time, it's okay to feel undervalued. And it's okay to want more, and to focus on the relationships where we prioritize each other more consistently, and listen and engage with each others' interests more equally, both the ones we share, and the ones we just want to talk about with someone. Try not to guilt others for these things because it is natural, but if you need more, you need more, and it's okay to focus your energy where it makes you happier to be, rather than feeling bad the space you're in isn't meeting those needs.

-at the same time, be aware you are not beholden to all of your friends' energy and time. Sometimes, they will not have the energy or spoons to hang out out or talk, but that does not mean they don't love you or spending time with you. Try to be patient and understanding. Sometimes, they will do things without you, with other friends and that is okay, too. They are their own people, and they are allowed to exist outside of being around you, even with other friends. It's alright to feel bad sometimes about missing out, especially if it seems to be about maliciously leaving you out, or about avoiding you, or what you missed out on feels big and important. but it is okay for people to engage one another without inviting every other person they know every time, including yourself. Sometimes, a big group is too much for one person, sometimes they just want one-on-one time--- a friend group is not a singular unit that you are breaking by hanging out with friends separately. While everyone getting to hang out is great, you're allowed to have friendships that don't overlap, and you're allowed to hang out with friends who *do* individually, and everyone else you know is allowed to do the same. It's fair to want to feel a part of things, but it is not a terrible thing for others to enjoy time with just one friend, and it doesn't mean they don't like you or enjoy your company too. it's okay to be disappointed, but try to remember that, and try to find ways to accept it, like making time yourself for special hangout time too, or acccepting that whatever they were engaged with will still be fun for them now, and being okay with being late to the party, so long as you get to join in.

-try to become more positive. Not in a toxic positivity way, but it's okay to curate a space where everything wrong isn't the focus all the time. Being online is an escape, and while it's healthy to vent sometimes and work through problems or tough stuff, it's also easy to fall into consistent negativity, and people exposed too long to that will burn out. It's good to be able to tell people how you feel and communicate, but you need to learn to sometimes sort through things on your own, and try to also be a source of good and energizing feelings to balance out the tough stuff, and strike that balance. talk to people where you can just have fun, and be a source of support and joy for others where being around you ends up with them feeling good more often than sad or hurt or bad. you're not responsible for everyone's feelings, but you can always try to be someone you'd want to be around more, too. Find the things that bring you enthusiasm and be loud and supportive of people you care about-- it doesn't have to be every time, but try to be the person you want others to be for you, who make you feel engaged and listened to and like they care. Take the time to find the words that will mean something to someone, and make the effort to say them, you never know how much it will mean.

-BUT check your ego. Just because you take the time to say something kind because it might mean something to someone else, or to be supportive and listen, and to be that person that you wanted someone else to be for you--- *doesn't* mean that the people you interact with have to be that for you. You are not entitled to them changing for you, or engaging you how you want, or supporting what you make just because you made it. Sometimes tastes or things are different, and that's okay. You are not owed that, just because you do it for someone else. You chose to do what you do, to become more positive because that's the kind of person *you* want to be. it shouldn't be because then they might give you what you want. Friendship is not transactional. If that change does happen, that's great, and you might become closer for it. but you cannot expect that, or make them into what they want, because they are real people. so changing with the expectation that if you try harder, so will they, is unfair to put on them, and will end in disappointment if it doesn't happen.

-if what you really want is something different than what you are given, it can be talked about, if you want to see if it's possible for the relationship to change for your needs. but it's their right to say no to changing anything they do. And it's your right, if that happens, to instead focus on the friendships you have that already suit your needs, or to find new ones, instead of staying in a position you're unhappy with. try to communicate, and/or find the connections that work better for you.

-Communicate better. It's always good to keep trying, and keep getting better at it, even if you think you're already pretty good at. Never assume people know what you're thinking or how you're feeling. If you feel bad and are starting to feel resentful over something, step up to talk it out. just like you aren't in charge of someone else's feelings, they're not in charge of yours. If you feel a certain way, the ball is in your court to engage with someone and figure out how to address the issue, for both of you to resolve it, or understand what's going on. Do your best to figure out and frame things as 'us vs the problem' rather than you vs them, and do your best to be honest, but kind in communicating. Try to be sympathetic and understanding of their side, but don't let their side invalidate your feelings entirely, unless something is cleared up that makes you feel better. Even if you can understand where they're coming from, that doesn't mean what you feel doesn't matter. There are ways to acknowledge what happened without just going with them being right. You aren't doing yourself or them any favors by bending down and just agreeing with them to avoid conflict, that only leaves more hurt feelings and resentments down the road.

-At the same time, though, sometimes it's best to hold your tongue. There are some people who cannot be reasoned with or spoken to, and in those spaces it is best not to waste your energy fighting. Try not to put too much weight to the words of someone who you fundamentally disagree with, it's okay to choose not to engage for your own sanity or safety.

-get a remote job, so I can afford food and rent, so I can not hurt my disabled body just trying to have the money to survive with, and I can give gifts to people I care about and help my friends without worrying about what I have left, and I can afford to pay off student loans still looming over my head.

-write rp again-- I miss it so bad, but I am holding off until I get a job so I don't get sucked in and forget to be responsible. But its a goal to get back to it the minute the other part is handled.

- pay better attention. Try harder to not adhd away when someone is talking. Find methods to be an active listener, or make sure to apologize if I slip up, and show I want to hear what I missed, so the other person can feel listened to.

- take better care of my physical form. I need to eat, and to exercise and get sunlight more. Even if I have to work up to it at my own pace, it is something I have to pursue and choose to commit to, and I want to do better than half-hearted. I don't want to be bed/house-bound, unless it is something I don't have a choice in. Do what I can without causing harm to myself, and understand where my limits are.

-Keep going. Keep going. Keep going, it can get better and it can get worse, but you have to find the reasons why it's worth it to be here to ride out the lows. Keep going. It's okay, people love you, people like you being around, you'll be okay one day. Keep going. I love you.

#tristan rambles #personal stuff #idk what this is exactly #but it feels important to write out and post here for myself #long post #LOOOONG post #if the read moore doesn't work i'll cry

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dahniwitchoflight · 3 years

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man, a lot been happening on the internet lately, talking about content creators and parasocial relationships being a big topic recently

I almost don’t wanna post anything about it, cuz I’m not sure how to avoid any sort of stirring of the pot, but there’s an angle to this situation that I think a lot of people are confused about, and that’s “where does the fault lie when a person gets hurt in a parasocial relationship?”

And people I guess are thinking this is some sort of case of power dynamic’s, but I think thinking of it in these terms is incorrect to be perfectly honest

does a content creator seem to have a lot of sway over someone who’s fallen into a parasocial relationship with them? sure it can seem that way

but is that the content creator’s fault? No, as bad as that sounds to the tumblr crowd

this is NOT the power dynamic between an abusive father and their child, or a skeezy boss and their secretary, or any other real abusive power dynamic where the victim faces some sort of real consequence for not being compliant with the abuser’s wishes

this is the dynamic between a casino and someone with a gambling addiction.

can you argue that the gambling addiction/parasocial relationship wouldn’t exist without the casino/creator existing? sure you can

can you argue that it’s within the interests of the casino/content creator to get customers and fans? absolutely

but can you also say that the problem in the situation here is inherent to the person with the actual addiction problem here? someone who gets too invested in the scenario through their own desires and or addiction problems? That many people can go to a casino or be a fan of a person in a perfectly reasonable healthy amount and never get hurt or encounter any issues? Yeah

Even if you dislike the casino/creator and have hard feelings for putting you into a situation where you believed you were gonna win it all, even though the odds of that happening were never in your favor, and rightfully feel you’ve been victimized by them, the casino/creator existing and doing there thing I really don’t believe is the thing at fault here

I think there’s something to the idea that people who are vulnerable to addictions like gambling and thinking that theyll win the jackpot of millions against impossible odds is not too dissimilar from a singular fan of some content creator thinking, this is it, I’m the one theyll fall in love with over everyone else, against all the odds itll be me

and also whatever prevents them from realizing that the consequences of losing would apply to them as well, other people in the casino might lose all their savings, but it wont happen to me. Other people might get lost in the fantasy and then end up being dumped, but it wont be me

I think the brain juice would see these as very similar situations, and this addiction angle I think explains a lot for how people get into parasocial relationships in the first place and why they feel like it’s so hard to get out

but people are still free to believe that casino’s/content creators are morally corrupt institutions, just from their nature of the fact that their livelihood depends on people and fans crowding to their type of entertainment

At the end of the day, they cannot control what their fans are going to do, they can’t read the minds of anyone who chooses to come to their establishment, they can’t know at a glance or through conversation who’s going to get addicted and who isn’t, they can only see warnings signs after the fact and then damage control, it’s just a messy reality of life that it happens

There are best practices to prevent these types of things sure but those don’t catch every case and inevitably there are going to be people who fall through the cracks anyway

the correct approach here is to mitigate the addiction problem. that’s the real thing at fault here, not any one person

so to answer the question, where does the fault lie when someone gets hurt in a parasocial relationship?

you might be a victim yes, but not a victim of the casino, as much as it can feel like that, your a victim of an unfortunate affliction

people can be dismissive and yell all they want about alcoholics being drunks, or gamblers having no spine and should just be able to not go to a casino, or people who are overinvested fans should just be able to stop back and not care about a creator so much, but I understand that it’s not that easy

but it still doesn’t make it the fault of whatever you got addicted to, It doesn’t make it anyone’s fault, and the casino/creator has less power over an addicted individual than you think, short of banning them entirely, there isn’t much they can do from their end to mitigate an individual’s behavior, I think that is something some people need to hear, I hope people don’t think I’m callous or believe that people weren’t genuinely hurt by the events that happened to them or something

but the fix to this problem doesn’t lie on the casino’s/creator’s end, it lies in mitigating the addictive disorder in the individual’s in particular’s end

this is purely speaking from someone who runs a blog and has thoughts for a fandom that once upon a time a lot of people seem really invested in, (not so much nowadays lol)

I cannot control anyone of you, I don’t know any one of you, no matter how much I might try or get close or how close any person out there gets to me, I still can’t predict when I might encounter someone who seems overly starstruck, and in no way do I have the ability to navigate those kinds of relationships properly. I simply do not have that sort of therapeutic training and I think it’s a little bit unreasonable for people to expect that from me, despite how charismatic or not I seem like

I just have indeed had instances where another person got really overinvested in “Dahni Witch of Light” and wanted to be in my inner circle of socialness and friends and might have been hurt when I declined that, but at the same time, I can’t do anything about that (thankfully I’m not any sort of real popular LOL and it’s only really happened like once or twice, that I know of, since they made their feelings clear to me in private, but that’s still one or two people that might have gotten hurt)

So what does this all have to do with stuff?

I’ve read all the anecdotes about both Dan Avidan and Vinny Vinesauce, read all the docs, see all these people’s point of view, and yeah it sucks that they got hurt by the circumstances, but all that stuff meant to paint these people in a bad light? did more to me to paint them in a really good light

I saw nothing but people making sure they had the comfort and consent of everything they were involved in, doing best practices when it comes to relationships, talking about their feelings, about their expectations and also doing what they can to protect themselves and their privacy

again the worst things I saw about either of them, is danny building up the fantasy of being with a rockstar a bit too much, egging on any potential parasocial relationship issues that might have already existed, and vinny giving someone HPV (which, is debunked in of itself because that’s not how HPV works in men, even outside of vinny that’s just not how it works.)

the rest of all the stuff I saw esp in the vinny doc, was people not even accusing vinny of saying or doing anything wrong either, but miles and miles of “I assumed he was thinking x” or ”I assumed he was feeling y” and no attempts to communicate with him about any issues they had with him, because they felt awkward doing so, and instead let it fester inside them until they got hurt by it

this is not sexual assault, their mild discomfort about stuff never even happened over sexual topics, just bland things like him over-venting to them sometimes or having lowkey mental issues like being paranoid a little, this is not even being intentionally hurt by someone, this is being bad at communicating with your partner and letting yourself endure a relationship you weren’t actually happy with, because you didn’t want to get dumped by the person you were invested in

and if you feel like you can’t honestly communicate with your partner, not because of anything they did to you, but because of your own internal conflict over how famous he is, and feeling like you’re forced to endure things you aren’t vibing with in a personal relationship

(mind you, I mean the things they said they endured in the doc which was, they didn’t like when vinny would get ranty about his friends or previous sexual encounters he had that went bad or they got weirded out because they thought he was too paranoid about stuff when they were together....which... okay so like tell him you don’t want to hear about that stuff? communicate your problems to your partner? end of story? you never even attempted that, you never even gave examples of things you thought he would do to you other than dump you if you spoke up...... which, I’m sorry, but that’s not some sort of consequence a victim faces from their abuser.... so you can’t even say he would have had a bad reaction, especially when you give examples of him doing exactly the opposite, apologizing for things that made other people uncomfortable WHEN theyve actually communicated to him that they were uncomfortable with it)

-Those are signs that you are too overinvested and too parasocially invested with a person to have an honest relationship with them

like, heck these things aren’t even unique to partnerships, you should be able to communicate when anyone around you is making you uncomfortable, even friends, but if you can’t and the only reason you can’t is because of a parasocial investment in that person, that’s not healthy on your end

Danny sure seems to have been a little bit at fault for building up the fantasy of catching feelings for a famous dude when he intended one night stands, is that the best way to have navigated the situation? No probably not, but to a person who doesn’t have a parasocial relationship with him, this behavior would just be disappointing when the fantasy fizzled out, it’s not inherently harmful

after that point, if after the fact a person who had any sort of interaction with them felt hurt by the experience, there honestly is not much more a content creator could have done to mitigate that, in fact Vinesauce I think seems at least more aware of the parasocial thing and tried more strongly to vet the people he was with to not be those kind of people, but again people aren’t mind readers and nothing will ever be foolproof like that, and I guess some people even took him trying to vet that kind of behavior as hurtful in and of itself, (they took him venting about previous parasocial relationships he had and how paranoid and upsetting they were to him, and took it as some sort of threat against them personally, like they were trying to mindgame what exactly he was telling them, assuming he was saying something else that he wasn’t, which, is assumptions that live entirely in their own minds) but I’m just sitting here like, what else could they have done?

I get that people who had sexual relationships with these people could come away feeling really awful about it, feeling manipulated or duped in some way, but what else could have been done to prevent that from happening other than the people in question just, never interacting with anyone? Which is not a realistic solution, and doesn’t fix the problem of the victim in question moving on and getting starstruck by someone else and having it happen it all over again

If these people want to make friends, want to make relationships with anyone, want to have casual sex, want to have any sort of human connection, there unfortunately gonna have to sort the people they encounter into two different groups, people who have parasocial relationships with them and people who don’t, (and this is NOT people are fans of them and people who are not, you can be a fan and not get caught into the parasocial thing) and it is impossible to get this correct in every single individual social experience that theyre gonna have with every single individual human being, regardless if it’s a sexual relationship or not

in conclusion, I really do hope the people who were hurt by all this can truly heal and move on eventually from this, in no way am I trying to lessen their experiences, but I really don’t think other people deserved to be hung from the gallows over this, it’s no one person’s fault, neither the fan’s or the content creator’s, it’s just a messy interpersonal situation

I believe the correct thing to do is spread awareness about the warnings signs that you might be falling into a parasocial relationship, more effort needs to be put into what this looks like, what it feels like, how to avoid it, how to mitigate it, and how to regulate the very real feelings of love and affection someone might have for a person they see all the time in media but don’t have a real connection with, with the understanding of yeah, if you really can’t enter a casino without losing your life savings, a very real conversation needs to be had if you should even be entering these casino’s/watching their content at all

#my main conflict over this post is is this actually helpful at all or is this just hurting stirring things up more #I don't believe my position is an unreasonable one to have #and i do believe there is something to be gained from reading it #but i don't want to hurt anyone either

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hogwarts--imagines · 3 years

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History

GIF NOT MINE

Time Set: College

Kenma x F!Reader

Warning: Angst, abusive relationship, talks of trauma, some Fluff.

(A lot of this relates to me and to be honest it hit me close to home, but this inspired me to write about it and talk about it. a lot of my writing is truly personal to me and the only way I can vent that out is to write..)

Summary: After finally breaking free from him, y/n was able to find herself again and make some friends along the way.

This song has been stuck in my head and I had to make a mini series with Kenma because Kenma Would be perfect for this story idea :)

Please watch Yuri on Ice because its a perfect anime and I love it so much

History Maker

Y/n sighed, this café attracted way to many people, more like too many girls. All to meet Kuroo the barista. Even though he looked as if he was the type of guy that would play around with just about any of the girls that constantly came in, he paid no mind to them. Doing his job he just kept a friendly face.

“Ah y/n are you on your way to your evening class?” He greeted you as your approached the counter. Ever since she came to this college Kuroo has gotten to know her favorite drinks and occasional food choices. She came her every day about 2-3 times a day.

“Actually,” She took a deep breath, she hated having to force herself to talk, “I was wondering if there was any job openings.”

“Really?” Kuroo raised his eyebrows in shock, he had mentioned to his boss many times that they need the help and he had been considering asking her and his friend to come work with him. “We actually are in desperate need of more people.”

“Is there a job application I can fill out?” She blushed, she never wanted to work here but with the new changes happening to her, she needed to find a job desperately.

“Give me a moment to grab it!” Kuroo was excited, he was finally going to have extra help here.

After she got her hands on the job application she stayed in the café to fill it out. When she was done she handed it to Kuroo and thanked him.

“Don’t you have classes today?” Kuroo asked a little confused as to why she hadn’t run off to class already, it must’ve started already.

“Oh, um well my professor canceled for the day today and my last class is online.” Something in her voice made her sound hesitant. Kuroo didn’t bother to push since it wasn’t his place.

“Oh okay, well I’ll give your application to my manager and he should give you a call in the next few days.” Kuroo smiled, now he just needed to convince his roommate to come back to this place.

“Thank you” She gave a relieved smile, something was definitely wrong.

“Kenma, I’m back” Kuroo called out.

“mm” Kenma responded, “I’m in the kitchen.”

“You good?” Kuroo walked into the kitchen, seeing his friend leaning over the counter on his phone.

“I'm fine.” He didn’t look up from his phone, “My friend hasn’t been on in a while, normally I get a message from them once a day.”

“Maybe they are busy?” Kuroo asked going to the fridge, “I'm gonna make some dinner.”

“Yeah maybe.” Kenma shrugged,” It’s unlike them though, even if they were really busy they always sent some type of message.”

“You have always worried about your friends.” Kuroo chuckled, “Oh that reminds me, we had someone apply at the café so it won’t be too stressful for you if you decide to come back.”

“I can’t, with my new streaming schedule it’ll be hard to work two jobs and do school.” Kenma shoved his phone into his pocket.

“Oh yeah I didn’t think about that, but you should stop by once she starts her job, she’s cute.” Kuroo smiled brightly.

“Maybe, but only because your café has good coffee.” Kenma walked away towards his room and started up his pc. Once everything turned on he launched Discord and sent his friend a message.

‘Hey N/n, are you busy?’

---

Y/n plopped down on her bed, she was done with the day. She just wanted to sleep and forget about her problems. She sat up and looked around her room, boxes were all over her room and everything was almost packed away.

Thankfully he hasn’t been back. He left for a week vacation back to his hometown and thankfully she wasn’t forced to go. This was her chance to leave and she was going to take it.

*ding*

Her phone went off, the familiar sound of discords notification filled the silent room. She knew who it was right away and smiled. It had been a long few days she forgot to respond to her online friend.

‘Hey N/n, are you busy?’

The discord name KoKen was across her screen above the message. She missed her friend a lot.

‘Hey Ko, sorry, I have been packing a lot this week.’

‘Are you moving?’

‘Yes, I found an apartment closer to my college and I have one roommate and I also got a new job.’

‘Is he still there?’

‘He comes home Friday but I’m leaving tomorrow.’

‘Does he know where your college is?’

‘No, I never told him’

‘I wish I could be there to help you move.’

‘You don’t even know where I live :P’

‘I will if you tell me :)’

‘No :)’

She smiled to herself, KoKen was always worried about her and she always worried about him. They had met through playing Apex Legends, they had played a match on the same duo team and before the match was over she had sent him a friend request through steam and that led them becoming friends on Discord and they would spend hours playing the game while in a voice call.

It annoyed her soon to be Ex boyfriend that she talked to this person she met online but that didn’t stop her. She would just talk to them whenever he wasn’t around.

She sighed and got herself ready, She was going to take all over stuff out of here and be gone by tomorrow.

---

Two weeks had passed since she moved and she felt at ease going home to her own place everyday. Her roommate was pretty loud mostly but he was extremely friendly when she met him. He and his boyfriend helped her move, she had explained her situation to them, without giving them to much information, but enough that they needed to know.

“Well starting today, you will be my roommate and We are going to become best friends!” Oikawa smiled excitedly.

“R-really?” She wanted to cry, it had taken her a long time to find a roommate, it was last minute when she saw a flyer for a roommate in her college that made her give him a call. “

“Do you need help moving?” Iwaizumi stood behind her new roommate, he had his arms resting on Oikawa’s shoulders.

“Um, If it’s not too much trouble.” She felt her cheeks flush.

Since then, Oikawa and Iwaizumi became her friends. It had only been two weeks but she loved hanging out with them.

“I’m off to work boys!” She called out, heading out the door. She adjusted her sweater, covering her arms completely as she headed towards the café.

“Hey y/n!” Kuroo was excited to see her, she had finished her training early and she was already confident enough to take orders and make drinks on her own.

“Hello” She smiled at her now coworker, “How’s business?”

“Slow today,” Kuroo shrugged and watched as she threw on her apron, “So y/n, do you live around here?”

The question shocked her, she kept to herself mostly and all Kuroo knew was she goes to the same college as him.

“I only ask because I noticed you walk here a lot.” Kuroo pointed out, “And I was going to offer you a ride home if you ever knew it.”

“Oh, I live close, my roommates normally meet me here before I head home.” She let herself relax.

She was lost in her thoughts while she was making another pot of coffee. She thought about KoKen, She missed her friend, not being able to play games with then was a struggle. She sent them messages daily but it was hard not being able to hear her friends voice and she just wanted to talk to them again.

“Kuroo” A voice called from the other side of the counter, a voice that sound way too familiar.

“Hey Kenma!” Kuroo was excited, “Hey y/n come meet Kenma!”

“I just want my Coffee.” Kenma sounded annoyed. But why did his voice sound familiar?

“Y/n’s making a fresh pot right now.” Kuroo informed his friend.

“mm, fine.” Kenma shrugged, he just wanted to go back home and try to get his friend to talk to him again. He missed their voice.

“Kuroo can you come here please?” The coworker’s voice called out, a voice that Kenma could recognize from anywhere.

“N/n?” Kenma asked unsure if he heard the voice correctly.

Y/n’s head whipped around quickly, she felt her heart skip a beat there was no way this was-

“KoKen?”

#haikyuu kenma #kenma x reader #kenma x you #kenma kozume #kenma imagine #haikyuu!!#haikyuu imagines #kuroo testuro

39 notes · View notes

sugarmaplewings-fics · 4 years

Text

Deep Blue Fantasy Part Seven

Pairing: Merman!Tamaki Amajiki x fem!reader

Warnings: None, maybe a vague sexual reference

Author’s Note:

Whoo! It's Sugar; back to bring you the conclusion to the Mermaki saga. So it's finally over! I'm a little sad to see it go, but I'm glad to have my vision complete. I think I worked on this for ~3 months.

Anyway, not to bore you before we get to the story, I just wanted to give a huge thank you for all the support! Even if you don't leave comments or even a like, I want to thank you for reading. I don't publish these for the notes or comments. I do this simply because I want to get my writing out to the world for people to hopefully enjoy. If you liked reading my stories, even if you don't say anything, I'm happy to think I made you smile with something I've written. It's still nice to know for sure, but no pressure.

Thanks again for reading, I couldn't do it without you guys.

Love,

-Sugar

✤✤✤✤✤

{Pt. 1} {Pt. 2} {Pt. 3} {Pt. 4} {Pt. 5} {Pt. 6} {Pt. 7}

くコ:彡くコ:彡くコ:彡くコ:彡

The membranous lids over Tamaki's eyes slid to the side, only to be met with more darkness. It was then that he remembered. He was alone, at the bottom of the ocean.

Tamaki straightened, now unused to the drag of the water slightly hindering his movements. His tail curled up, and he studied the overlapping scales that adorned it, looking pitch black in the dim depths of where he had lain. He must have fallen asleep after he'd fled from you. Tamaki looked up towards the surface, wondering how much time had passed since. It looked considerably brighter up there, so he'd probably slept the full night. Great.

The fins on his tail waved a little in the mini currents swirling around him. He watched a little crab wander over the grey sand before burying itself beneath the fine grains. Now that Tamaki was settled down, he realized how dumb his actions the previous night had been. Seriously? Running away? What good did that do for him?

You were royalty . . . . Interesting. He really should have seen it coming, what with all the blatantly obvious signs there were. Maybe he had been trying to lie to himself. Maybe he had suspected all along, but just wanted to play to the fantasy that you were still, somehow, not too far out of his league.

But a princess? That had been too much. And yet . . . Tamaki found that you never talked down to him. You never treated him different. You must have known he was a commoner, and yet you hadn't been put off by it. Maybe you were only interested because he was a merman? But you hadn't even known it that first day, and your kindness hadn't changed since.

Tamaki laid himself back down, sand softly shifting under his ruined white human shirt. He hid his face in his hands again, replaying the events of last night over in his mind. What had he done? You were so close to him, and the dance you'd had was nothing short of magical. The connection he'd felt between you . . . he couldn't have just imagined it.

The merman gingerly lifted a hand, letting his fingertips ghost over his chest where your hands had been placed mere hours before. He pushed into himself a little harder, trying to imagine it was you, mind beginning to race with ideas of how it all could have gone differently.

Tamaki's fingers froze. His chest was smooth. Too smooth. It was only then that he remembered what had made him human in the first place, followed by what he'd done with it.

The necklace!

In a moment of denial, Tamaki began patting himself around his neck, ripping his shirt over his head in a desperate attempt at finding the valuable object he was borrowing. But he knew it was gone. He distinctly remembered throwing it behind him as he ran into the sea.

He laid himself back down in the sand again, right next to his old shirt.

Stupid stupid stupid stupid—

Tamaki let out a high pitched keen into the water around him, trying to vent his frustration towards himself. Not only had he destroyed his chances with you, he'd also broken his promise to that Nejire mermaid.

It was over. He'd yee'd his last haw. There was no more hope for him. He'd have to go to live off in the corners of the ocean, holed up like some kind of hermit crab where no one he'd ever known would find him again. This was it. It was time to go run—no, swim—away again.

Tamaki didn't move. He allowed himself to lie down and sulk for another good, long time before finally hauling himself up. He needed help, that much was clear. Maybe Mirio would lift his spirits enough for him to snap out of this. Besides, his best friend had a lot of good ideas and always seemed to know what to say to Tamaki.

He flicked his tail, letting himself rise up a bit in the water before sluggishly making his way in the direction of his old home.

Tamaki soon came upon the merpeople village, the familiar outline of homes jutting from the sandy sea floor. He swam through them, trying to keep a low profile in case someone decided to question his disappearance for the past week. Granted, not letting anyone see him for extended amounts of time was nothing new for Tamaki, but now that he was guilty, it was hard to brush the fact aside.

He couldn't help but feel like an outsider among the buildings. Tamaki had never been all that social, so he didn't have the most ties to the town he'd grown up in. Really it had always just been him and Mirio, but now that he'd experienced you, he felt as though there was no going back to his old ways.

I may still have to, Tamaki glumly thought before finally reaching the large entry hole in the side of Mirio's home. He sent a ping inside, letting it bounce around the sandy mud walls. A dark form moved in the shadows, quickly telling Tamaki that Mirio was, in fact, home.

"Tamaki?" Mirio asked, running a hand over his face like he'd just woke up. "What are you doing here?" The blond finally registered the panicked expression on his friend's face, and ushered him inside. "What happened?" Mirio signed, floating back to activate a luminous lamp so it would be easier to converse. "Why are you a merman again?"

Tamaki crumbled a little, hunching in on himself. "I messed up."

Mirio's brow ridge pushed together, trying to make sense of what might have happened. "Did she reject you?" he guessed, trying to get his friend talking.

Tamaki shook his head. "No. It's almost like . . . I rejected her . . . ?"

"What?"

"She—Apparently—I didn't know—" Tamaki's tail wouldn't stop twitching, his fins waving in invisible currents. "She told me she's royalty," he finally motioned out.

Mirio blinked. "Humans do that? With monarchies?"

"Yes." Tamaki nearly growled in frustration at his predicament. "Except she doesn't have an empire or anything, she's what's called a princess. And her dad is rich and important and he like, owns the islands around here and I had no idea this entire time until last night and—"

"Tamaki." Mirio put a hand on his shoulder. "Breathe."

Tamaki paused, allowing himself to pull extra water through his gills. The sensation helped him calm down for a second, but then he began to fret again. "She—she was teaching me how to dance like a human, you know, with my legs and stuff, a-and we almost kissed but then I just had to ask her what a princess was and she looked upset and I ruined everything and I looked like an idiot—"

"Tamaki."

The merman in question froze again, slowly dropping his hands.

"It was an honest mistake," Mirio assured him. "Did she say anything about it?"

"No," Tamaki admitted. "But I ran away before she really could. There was something in her face . . . . She just looked so sad."

"Hmm." Mirio tapped a finger to his chin, thinking. "Have you told her you like her yet?" he finally asked.

"Not really, no." It was then that Tamaki's brain decided to give him flashbacks of the sponge incident, making him subtly shudder.

"Well . . . do you think she might like you back?" Mirio prodded.

Tamaki's first instinct was to say no, to keep his hopes from getting too high by denying any possible indication that you might think about him in that way. And yet, all the time you spent together, coupled with how close you had grown within the short time you'd known each other, and there was the moment you'd held yourself so close to him after you danced, mere moments before he ruined everything. If only he'd kissed you then . . . .

"Maybe," Tamaki hesitantly signed.

"And you know you like her, right?"

"Of course."

Mirio triumphantly lifted himself a little higher in the water. "There you go. Now all you have to do is tell her how you feel. Simple as that. She can only either reject or accept you. If she says no, then you can come back home with me and never see her again and we can pretend this never happened. If she likes you back, then yay! You have a girlfriend."

Tamaki was almost indignant towards how simply Mirio put it. Why did he have to make so much sense? But he had to admit he was right. Tamaki should just go back to you and apologize, maybe propose courtship while he was at it to get everything over with. Except one thing was stopping him . . . .

"So, uh, there's one more problem," Tamaki said.

"Oh?"

"You know the necklace I used to turn myself into a human?"

Mirio's eyes darted to Tamaki's chest, finding it bare before looking in his hands, as if he may have been holding it this entire time without him noticing. At the realization he couldn't see it, his gills flared a bit. "Tamaki? Where is it?"

"That's my problem. I . . . lost it."

"Why would you do that?!" Mirio lightly shook Tamaki's shoulders.

"It wasn't on purpose! I just . . . needed to get it off, and then I threw it somewhere . . . ."

"You threw it somewhere?!" For once, Mirio looked more panicked than his best friend. "But we have to give it back to Nejire! And you need to talk to her—that girl! What's her name again?"

"(Y/N)."

"Exactly! Is there any chance we could find it?"

Tamaki wanted to hope, he wanted to say that there was a chance, but he knew better. The ocean was so vast and violent, even within the past few hours it had to be gone forever. Tamaki should have thought more about the price he would have to pay for such a reckless action.

His slumped shoulders were enough of a hint for Mirio to what he was thinking. Mirio slumped a little too, feeling a bit defeated. "So is that it? Is there no other way for you to contact her?"

Tamaki began to think. You had been doing well with the sign language he'd been teaching you, and that stretch of beach Mirio had showed him where there weren't so many rocks would be a good place to meet up . . . . His mind began to spin, already trying to work something out for you.

"Well?" Mirio asked, wondering what made his friend shift his mood so suddenly.

"There may be something I can do," Tamaki said. After a few more moments of sorting out his thoughts, he began to relay them to Mirio.

"That could work," Mirio ruled.

"I may not be able to get my legs back, but I still have to apologize and tell her how I feel," Tamaki said, newly determined.

Mirio pumped his fist. "Let's go!"

By the time Mirio and Tamaki were ready, the surface had already surpassed its peak brightness. Tamaki vigorously pumped his tail in the direction of your island home, sincerely hoping you didn't hate him after the stunt he'd pulled.

✤✤✤✤✤

You hadn't slept well last night. Worry for your friend had worked its way into your very being, your position flighty and your eyebrows creased.

You didn't know how to feel. You weren't angry with him—well, maybe you were a little mad that he ran off without giving you a chance to talk or even say goodbye. You just wondered why he had gotten so upset. Truth be told, you'd thought he knew what you were talking about when you called yourself a princess. You liked how he treated you . . . just like any other person. He'd thought you were just another human. So that was why.

The realization had struck you the other night. You'd always hated the way people tended to act towards you; treating you either like you were some type of bomb or a piece of glass; dangerous, but fragile. Yet Tamaki had been different. Tamaki treated you like a friend. He was genuine and he was sweet . . . and he was a merman who had little clue as to how your world worked.

Had it all meant nothing? Would he flip that switch inside of him and never be himself around you again? Had that been the last time you'd see his carefree smile? The smile you were starting to fall in love with?

Love? You had more important things to worry about. Like your kingdom. And also the fact that he'd turned tail and ran the moment you said 'royalty'.

Stupid, you thought, though you weren't certain if it was directed at yourself or him. Forget about seeing his true smile again, you may never see him again.

You'd finally walked back to the chateau alone in the dark after deeming Tamaki gone for good. You hadn't even bothered to tell anyone that he was gone. What were they going to do? And it wasn't like now was a great time to reveal to an entire chateau of people that the boy you'd been hanging out with for the past week had actually been a merman this entire time, but now he ran away. Oopsie.

Ever your faithful friend, Brianne still poked her head inside your bedroom, wondering where you'd gone off to. She must have noticed the slump you'd fallen into after walking in on you laying face-down on your plush bed.

"Everything alright, princess?" she asked, concern lacing her voice.

"Y-yeah." You forced yourself to sit up in the bed, already in your night dress.

"Where's that boy?" she asked you. "I haven't seen either of you for the past hour."

You bit your lip, trying to decide whether or not you should lie. "He's in his room," you finally said, internally cringing at yourself for choosing untruth. "He doesn't like crowds much, so he went to bed early. I think I will too." You staged a yawn.

"Sounds like him," Brianne remarked. "He's stayed here all week and I don't think I've heard his voice. Oh, well. I hope he'll be up for the dance tomorrow night. I think he'd like it. Have a good rest, princess."

"Thank you. You as well."

She left and shut the door behind her, leaving you alone in your room with your thoughts. A week ago, you had been used to being alone, simply anticipating the return of your father from his important business in other lands. But now you had grown used to a very particular presence, and his absence was already beginning to settle very heavily on your heart.

One difficult night later, you found yourself in the company of your father, trying to keep all conversations away from the mysterious visitor you'd been harboring in the chateau. You'd missed your father, the king, and you still listened to every story he told you of his most recent travels. But at every pause, every distraction, your mind began to slip. It danced to lands of indigo-black hair, and infinite eyes of sapphire and cobalt, of a timid, gentle voice.

Tush! You'd let yourself catch feelings. What could be a more foolish move than that? You tried to subtly grind your teeth as your father began to talk about some lord of Ospal and their herring trade. Of all the people across all the seas, it had to be the one you couldn't have. The merman who fled. The merman who was probably only interested in you because you were a human.

Obscenities that had no business floating around the head of a princess angrily danced around in your mind, only interrupted from their chaotic boogie when your dad asked if you were okay. You glanced up from the desk you'd been boring holes into with your eyes, guiltily trying to wipe the blatantly aggravated expression off your face for a more pensive one.

You were dismissed after a long lunch with the king, retreating to your study to pour over your books. Maybe that would take your mind off the boy who'd made off with your heart. Or at least, that was what you'd hoped until you glanced out your window when a flash of movement caught your eye.

This window happened to have a lovely view of your beach, sprawling out below a large black cliff face abruptly cutting downward to dark ebony sand. Your gaze had grown used to the constant motions of the sea; black brackish waters undertoned with green and crested with white foam, infinitely pushing forward and rolling back on the shore. But what your peripheral vision wasn't accustomed to was a sudden flash of shiny brilliance lifting and falling from the waves beyond the rocks.

Your eyes darted up, uncertain if they'd seen right, and if they had, what it was they'd detected. But there it was again, and another. Two unmistakable scaly tails were poking out from the water. One was a sort of light blue green, while the other was more of an indigo black, reminding you of a certain someone's hair. You had only seen the likes of these tails in drawings; art typically accompanying a fantastical story, but there they were, basking in the steadily lowering sun right outside your window.

You shot yourself up, letting your chair screech as it abruptly slid out from behind you. Clutching your thin skirt in one hand, you began to run through the halls, flying past people in other rooms as you went. You flung the back door open, slippered feet pounding on the lush grass leading down to your favorite part of the island. They finally met the sand, your chest heaving as you focused your gaze on the two figures sliding above and under the surface.

"Tamaki?!" you called, hoping he would be able to hear you.

Sure enough, a familiar head poked up, waving to you urgently and pointing to your right. You frowned, confused as to what he was trying to say before he made a show of swimming in that direction.

So he wanted you to follow. That was something you could do.

You began to pick your way down the shore, trodding through overgrown tan grass and weaving through rocks deposited and littered throughout your path. After a few minutes of constant checking that the other was there, you found yourself on a new expanse of beach; this one still as violent as the last, but certainly more devoid of the large black rocks jutting from the frigid waves. It was then that Tamaki finally began to swim towards you rather than parallel, coming as close as he dared to the sandy beach.

You kicked off your shoes and stood at the edge of the water, wincing at each lap the cold water took at your bare feet. Don't go into the ocean had been drilled into your head so thoroughly from such a young age, that even going this far tensed your muscles to run at any moment.

You frowned at how far Tamaki had to float, bobbing up and down meters away from you. Hesitantly, you took another step, letting the water rush over your ankles and fleck onto your calves.

No closer, you saw him sign, fighting to keep himself in position and his hands visible at the same time. Not safe.

Your face ticked. You knew that.

"What happened?" you called out over the sea, hoping you'd still be able to understand each other. "You just left me, Tamaki. Why?"

Hurt flashed on his face after a moment of processing your words. I'm sorry! he signed. I got scared.

"Why are you all the way over there?" you asked. "What happened to your legs? The necklace?"

Tamaki winced again. You really seemed to be hitting the worst points right on the head. I, um, lost it.

"It's gone?!" you asked, incredulous. The volume you needed to be heard over the sound of the waves wasn't helping with your tone.

Look, Tamaki signed. I have something I need to tell you. I messed up and I was being stupid last night, and I'm really really sorry for overreacting—

He jerked a bit in the water, jolting him out of the rant he had begun to go on with his hands. He glared down into the water, and it was only then that you wondered what had happened to the second tail.

"Is that what you wanted to say?" you said, making him look up at you again. "If you need to go back home—I-I understand. You were a really great friend, Tamaki. I really liked you."

Tamaki shook his head, frantically waving his hands at you to stop. That wasn't it! I just, um, well, this isn't a goodbye. I wanted you to know—I've been thinking about it for a long time—I—I'm in love with you!

You blinked. Had you interpreted that correctly? He had just used a lot of signs you weren't familiar with. "What?!"

A little cloth bag was suddenly launched out of the water, splashing next to you and drenching a side of your skirt. You bent down to pick it up, watching as Tamaki's hands moved to scold his friend.

Mirio! She doesn't like it when you throw things at her!

You pulled at a drawstring that was keeping it closed. Inside was an assortment of shells, some of which the likes you'd never seen before.

"Are these for me?" you asked, clutching the dripping bag.

Tamaki nodded. If you'll accept them. Do you, by any chance, like me back?

You squinted at his hands. "I'm having a hard time understanding you," you said. "You've only been teaching me this for a week."

Tamaki stopped short, letting his hands fall back into the water. A sense of hopelessness began to wash over him. He didn't know how much you were able to understand. The distance between you frustrated him, and at that moment he would have given anything to be back in last night, with you pulled flush into his chest. If only, if only.

He punched his fist into the water, the resulting splash flecking him with a familiar wetness. So this was it. He had been so close, but you'd never know his true feelings. He may as well take his losses and turn to go now.

"Will I ever see you again?" you called, the expression on your face only describable as deeply sad.

He wanted to say yes. He wanted to say he'd always find a way to be with you. And yet, it couldn't be. You were from two very different worlds, and even now you were struggling to talk to each other. It would be best if he took the cold approach, steeling himself to never appear on your beaches again.

Tamaki was about to shake his head, sealing his answer when he noticed the grass on the shore part for a familiar figure.

"Gabriel!" you said, startling at his sudden presence. "Where did—how long have you—?"

"Princess, get out of the water."

You heeded his calm but firm voice, glancing back at Tamaki's head before gratefully stepping out of the cold sea that had been encasing your feet.

The burly man stood next to you, crossing his arms as he studied Tamaki from afar. "A merman," he stated. "So the legends are true."

You swallowed. "Please don't tell anyone. It's supposed to be a secret."

Gabriel nodded and held out a hand. "Don't worry about it, princess. Now what's going on between you?"

Tamaki had dared to drift a little closer, ears straining to catch words he faintly remembered the meanings of.

"He's leaving now," you said, casting your eyes to the sand. "I guess this is it."

Gabriel made eye contact with Tamaki. "You sure that's what you want to do? Because I have something that might change your mind."

You blinked, confused, looking up to see Gabriel fishing something out of a pocket on the front of his burgundy shirt. A thin cord was raised from the material, followed by a curious shell securely tied to the center.

"I found this little trinket washed up on the beach this morning. I knew it looked familiar."

Tamaki caught sight of the necklace, eagerly swimming forward.

"It's yours, isn't it? It was the only thing you were wearing when you washed ashore. I believe it belongs with you."

Tamaki finally gave into the waves pushing him to shore, surging towards you and Gabriel. This was his chance, the necklace wasn't lost after all! He could tell you how he felt and you could be together!

You watched as his form took greater detail with proximity. A long fishy tail more than half the length of his human torso powerfully pumped itself through the water. Iridescent indigo scales caught the light, ever changing between black and blue. Lighter, thin blue fins flared around the tail and from behind his ears. You couldn't help but think about how absolutely beautiful he was like this, in his original form.

It was then that it really registered for you that Tamaki was a merman. You'd believed him, and the stories of his undersea home only helped you to imagine him in this way, but it wasn't until you were actually able to see him like this that it clicked for you how smitten you had grown for this mythical creature, who existed, and was your new best friend.

He pulled himself onto the sand, dragging a once graceful tail heavily onto the beach. Gabriel placed the necklace into his outstretched webbed hand, and Tamaki went to lift it over his head.

"Wait!" Gabriel said suddenly.

Tamaki froze, looking to Gabriel uncertainly.

"That thing doesn't give you any pants!" he said, causing you to burst out laughing. "You can't be like that in front of the princess!"

Tamaki sheepishly lowered the cord. He had a point.

"Wait here, I'll go find you some." Your friend turned to sprint off, leaving the two of you alone together.

"Tamaki!" You knelt down and threw your arms around him, disregarding how cold and wet his skin was. "I was starting to think I was never going to see you again!"

He patted your back with shaky hands, having gone rigid at your sudden touch.

You pushed yourself back. "Look at you! You're an actual merman! That's crazy! Can I see your tail?"

Tamaki shuffled himself a bit, pulling it most of the rest of the way out of the water. He sincerely hoped that Gabriel would be back soon, otherwise he'd be in a bit of a predicament. His gills would stay moist for only so long.

You admired his scales, glistening with seawater in the afternoon sun. "Pretty," you murmured to yourself, eyes unashamedly scanning up and down his body. You studied the various fins and scales on his tail, marveling at how seamlessly he went from man to fish at the base of his torso.

Tamaki's first instinct was to hunch in on himself and be a touch embarrassed, but he couldn't help a sense of flattery at how your eyes scooped him in with such fascinated wonder. Remembering how the mermen back home would show off, he shifted so he could stretch out his tail a bit more, trying to gently flutter his caudal fins. The effect wasn't the same as it would have been underwater, but luckily he didn't look too much like a floppy dying fish.

"Can I touch it?" you asked, making Tamaki jump and go back to hunching in his shoulders. Typically, tail touches didn't occur among simple acquaintances; usually gentle affectionate rubs among close friends, and tender handsy touches during . . . those times. Thinking about it made Tamaki's entire face turn red, even as your face remained innocently curious.

He shakily nodded. What could it hurt? You gingerly brought your fingertips down onto his scales, finding them moist and cool and smooth. He was still a bit slippery, though you could tell he was beginning to suffer from the exposure to the dry air. The sensation of your fingers on his tail was foreign to Tamaki, and he found himself not wanting you to stop. You were so gentle, so tender, little jolts of electricity found themselves running all the way up to his spine.

A sudden whistle cut through the air, making both you and Tamaki jump. The merman turned, recognizing the pitch. A blond head had poked from the waves a few meters away, bobbing up and down as close as he dared.

Holy hagfish! he signed. You two work fast. On the beach, you're going to start that?!

Tamaki tensed, honestly having forgotten that Mirio was still there. How long had he been watching you?

You weren't quite certain as to what the blond was saying, but the way Tamaki's soul left his body and, if it were possible, his face turned even more brick red told you enough that you should probably stop touching him.

As if on cue, Gabriel saved you both by running back in with a pair of trousers. "For our guest," he said as he presented them to Tamaki.

You turned as he finally slipped the necklace over his head. The pain of transforming was over far faster than it had the first time, and within seconds he was standing and pulling the brown cloth onto himself.

"(Y/N)."

You turned back to him, seeing Tamaki standing before you again as a human. "Tamaki!" You pulled him into a second hug, letting his damp hair tickle against your cheek. Finally, he hugged you back, and the sensation was so warm and so fulfilling you never wanted it to end.

As always, the moment was ruined by your audience.

Two sets of hands clapped, one from the land, and one from the sea. You cracked open your eyes to look at Mirio, who motioned a sign which you didn't know the meaning of.

You pulled yourself from Tamaki. "Can I still understand you?" you asked.

"I hope so," he said, causing you to beam at him.

"So what were you trying to say out there? I couldn't see you that well."

"Oh." Tamaki looked at his bare feet, spotting the brown cloth bag that momentarily laid forgotten on the sand. He turned to glance at Mirio, who gave him a thumbs up, then looked at Gabriel. Tamaki knelt and grabbed the bag of shells, presenting it to you again. "I'm sorry this always ends in disaster for me," he began, letting you take it from him. "I just needed to get something off my chest."

"What is it?" you asked, wondering if he'd done all this just to say he was leaving you.

"Ever since I first saw you on the beach, I-I—I've liked you, (Y/N). And then I went on this crazy adventure to get myself in a position where we could meet and I could get to know you, and all that time, I-I just couldn't help myself. I'm falling in love with you, (Y/N), and I don't care if we're some of the most different people on the planet, I still want to be with you. I'm so sorry about that stunt I pulled last night and I know I messed up. I'm no prince or anything, but—please give me a chance."

Tamaki finally let himself meet your eyes. He hadn't expected to see your touched expression, looking upon his face like he was the sweetest, most caring person in your world.

"Of course, Tamaki. I'd be honored to court you." With that, you flung your arms around his neck and partook in the kiss you'd missed out upon the night before. Tamaki melted into your lips, his slightly salty taste mingling with your sweet.

The kiss didn't last long, but it spoke volumes. You pulled apart, cheeks glowing with rouge warmth as you took a final lingering look into each other's eyes.

Loud splashing made the two of you look back to Mirio, who was giddily celebrating with his own merman cheers. Tamaki smiled at his friend, glad to have had him at his side all this time, leading him to this very moment.

"Now, I have no idea what he just said," Gabriel began, making the two of you turn back to him. "But I'll assume he confessed his feelings, and now Brianne owes me a drink."

You and Tamaki chuckled, settling into a state of complete contentment.

"Now you two lovebirds best be getting back home," Gabriel continued. "The dance starts in an hour, and I suspect neither of you want to be late."

You gasped, having forgotten the welcome party that had been planned for the evening. "Come on!" you said, taking Tamaki's hand in yours. This time, there was an extra warmth behind it, and you took an additional second to twine your fingers around his. With that, you pulled him back along the beach toward home; Gabriel in tow from behind, Mirio still frisking along parallel in the ocean.

Tamaki couldn't wipe the grin off his face if he tried. Three weeks he had. Three weeks to be human, to fall deeper in love with you. It could never be enough time, but once it was up, he wouldn't rest until he found a way to spend the rest of his life with you. He pushed the gnawing worries down deep inside, letting excitement for the night course into his system instead. You and him and the town would dance under the stars, and no matter what, he'd give you the time of your life.

✤✤✤✤✤

Just as he'd expected, his three weeks flew by in a blur. He hid nothing from you, so it was a certain understanding quickly established that one day soon, he would have to go.

Taking the opportunity nevertheless, you spent those weeks well, hanging out in the chateau or wandering around the island. Tamaki never lost his curiosity for your world, and you were eager to show him everything you knew. He started to become familiar with some of the townsfolk, and even met a few sailors at the docks when they came. Tamaki also began to grow closer with your father, explaining after a few days that he was, in fact, a merman, and that, yes, you were dating him.

He seemed open to the idea, especially once he got to know Tamaki better. The king left you alone to bond when needed, and the two of you certainly did. News spread that you had found yourself a boyfriend, and everyone on the island agreed that you were cute together. Brianne was quickly let in on the secret that he was a merman, and she finally began to warm up to Tamaki.

Those three weeks were some of the best of his life; wandering the grassy plains with you and watching the clouds one day, holing up in your study for hours the next. You found excuse after excuse to kiss him, enjoying the way it made his cheeks flare with color. Every now and then though, he'd steal one from you, delighting in how the tables turned to make you flustered as well. Anything from hand holding to hugging fired his heart into a furious beat, savoring every moment he could hold you close as his own.

But all things must come to an end, and his mental tracker finally reached the number 29. You stood with your father, Gabriel, and Brianne on that expanse of open beach, solemnly watching as he waded further into the sea. You had given him a final hug and a kiss, and he whispered a promise into your ear that he would find a way back to you, and this one would be permanent.

Tamaki's body shuddered as waves slapped at his thighs, and he suddenly began to lose his footing. His pants slid off as his legs began to merge once more into a single appendage, familiar indigo scales scattering over his surface. He swam to Mirio, who had been waiting for him, giving a final wave over their shoulders. This was only a temporary goodbye, he would make sure of that.

After readjusting to being a merman for a bit, Mirio and Tamaki made their way south to visit Nejire, ready to return the now useless necklace. One long day of swimming later, they poked their heads into a familiar cave. Had it only been a month since they'd been here last?

Mirio swam straight in, confident as ever. He loudly clicked, calling for the mermaid. She glided out from an area in the back, lighting up at the sight of them.

"Hey, it's you guys!" Nejire pulled the boys into the back room, delightedly listening to Tamaki tell her everything she wanted to know about the human world.

Both she and Mirio fired off questions, nearly overwhelming him at some points. Eventually, they were satisfied, and Tamaki opened his bag to present the necklace back to its rightful owner.

"Sure sounds like you had fun!" Nejire signed, taking the necklace and putting it on a shelf behind her for safekeeping. "I'm definitely going to try it out sometime! I'm not sure if I'll go to that island. Maybe the mainland. Do you think I'd meet someone cute like you did? That would be so tragically romantic. I belong in the sea, though, isn't that right, Amajiki?"

"Actually," he began, "I was wondering if you had another option, something more permanent."

She stared at his stilled hands, then looked back at his face. "So that's what you want to do? Be human forever?"

Tamaki nodded. "I don't think I'll miss the ocean too much. I may not see Mirio every day, but we can still always talk every now and then. (Y/N) said that some of her other islands have calmer beaches that would be better for visiting with him."

Mirio nodded. It had taken him some time, but eventually he had grown to accept the fact that Tamaki preferred to be on land with you.

"You want to be human . . . ." Nejire mused, tapping against her lip for a moment.

"Is it possible? Can I do it?" Tamaki studied her face, allowing himself to hope it could be this simple. He had already accepted it was likely it wouldn't be, and he was more than prepared to journey through the merpeople empires around the world to find someone who could help him. But Nejire was a start, and it never hurt to ask.

Nejire's slightly pointed teeth made an appearance as she began to chew at her lip. "My mother . . . she was the last sea witch before me. She may be able to help you. She retired earlier this year and gave the shop to me, but I can go fetch her for you if you'd like."

Tamaki nodded vigorously and waited as she swam off. An hour later, she came back with a second mermaid in tow. She looked strikingly similar to her daughter, her hair just a few shades lighter. Tamaki assisted in explaining his situation to her, and she agreed to help.

"Normally I wouldn't want to be involved in breaking the laws," she said, "but it's their own fault for not enforcing them. I'll help you, little merman. You seem passionate about this human girl. I'll make you a brew, but just understand you won't be able to come back to the ocean."

"I know." Even if everything fell through with you, which Tamaki was certain it wouldn't, he was deeply intrigued with exploring the land and sea, witnessing the sights the earth had to offer.

"But mother," Nejire said, "don't potions have a tendency to not last long? I mean, once they go through one's system—"

"That's only for the amateurs." Nejire's mother grinned. "I know how to give lasting effects. Come along, there's much to be done!"

✤✤✤✤✤

You gazed out at the sea from your window, thinking about Tamaki. You were prepared to wait weeks—months even for his return, but even so you couldn't help but miss his presence. Your father kept you busy with your duties, yet every chance it got, your mind found itself wandering back to the timid mer-boy.

You hummed to yourself contentedly, glancing back down at your notes. You so happened to be studying some of the Greek legends; illustrations of gods and monsters decorating the margins of the page. You couldn't help but wonder if all of them were true, since you'd now met a merman for yourself.

Eventually you were able to settle back into your work, the distant sound of the ocean occasionally breezing into your ears as your pen scratched at your parchment. The story you were reading was interesting, so much so that you didn't hear your door creak open behind you, nor did you pick up on the footsteps that snuck up from over your shoulder.

A pair of pale, somewhat lanky arms gently wrapped around your shoulders. You jumped and spun, meeting two indigo blue eyes with your own (E/C). Raven hair fell over his nose and a small smile graced his handsome face. The face of the man you adored. The face of the man who would be yours forever.

"Hey, princess," he said. "I'm back."

...

The End.

くコ:彡くコ:彡くコ:彡くコ:彡

Taglist:

@bnhavibes @engel-hageshii @inumorph @good-so @krissy189 @milkteeboba @pansexual-potterhead @selfship-mishaps @ure-a-sunflower @xeina @kingtamakimurder @basicaegyo @iiminibattlehero @pyrofanatic @sokkasangel @xoxopam4

#tamaki #amajiki #tamaki amajiki #mermaki #tamaki bnha #tamaki amajiki bnha #tamaki mha #tamaki amajiki mha #tamaki x reader #tamaki amajiki x reader #bnha x reader #mha x reader #reader insert #deepbluefantasy #sugar fics

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imkylotrash · 3 years

Text

When In New York City (Part 2)

Pairing: David Dobrik x reader

Song: All These Years - Camila Cabello

Summary: They meet randomly after a couple of years and decide to get a cup of coffee.

A/N There will be a part 3. I couldn’t fit everything into part 2.

PART 1

A couple of months pass before you see David again. You get the occasional text from him but overall you don’t stay in contact. You’ve almost given up that you’ll see him again when your phone lights up.

“David is asking if he can come next weekend,” you say looking over at Melissa.

“Did he break up with his girlfriend?” she asks suddenly focused on the ground. You know what she’s thinking.

“I don’t know. But it would only be as friends. He’d find a hotel room.” You tell yourself that this means nothing. He’s always been a big fan of Manhattan and this was just him showing an interest in that.

“Okay, now say it like you actually believe it,” Melissa jokes but you know she’s right. You’re already putting way more into this visit than you should. He’s in a loving relationship and you need to respect that. So when Friday rolls around, you’ve managed to put your feelings into a little box hidden away in your mind. You and David are meeting as friends and nothing more.

“You should’ve gone for the blue dress,” Melissa notes looking at your jeans and shirt.

“It’s not a date,” you remind her before grabbing your purse.

“Keep telling yourself that,” she laughs before walking away with coffee for one of the tables. It’s quiet for a Friday evening but even New York has to sleep at some point so you’re not that worried about business.

“I have to get going. You’ll be okay?” you ask Melissa when she returns.

“Go have fun, boss.” And with those words you hurry out the door to meet him at the corner of 68th and Columbus. The subway is packed with people just trying to get home after a long day at work. This is normally your least favourite time to take the subway because it’s the most likely time for people to get into arguments. Everyone is tired and on edge. The constant state of New Yorkers.

“Hi,” you smile when you see him already standing there with two cups of coffee.

“You went for a coffee?” you ask surprised. David’s never been a fan of coffee.

“I asked them to put a hot chocolate in their coffee cup,” he admits sheepishly making you laugh. Something’s never change.

“Cheater,” you laugh leading the way to Central Park. It’s beautiful this time of year with the lights and everything. One might say romantic even, but you quickly shut down that kind of thinking.

“Penny for your thoughts,” you say to distract from your own thoughts.

“Just thinking how glad I am that I could come. I had to get away from LA,” he replies looking at a couple wrapped up in each other on the bench.

“I didn’t think you’d ever need to get away from LA.” Ever since you met David, he’s been talking about LA like it was the only place to exist. When he got his first apartment in LA, he’d cried out of pure happiness for an hour straight. He loved LA like other people love their dog.

“I think I just needed to get away from one person in LA, if I’m being honest.” This sparks your interest. And foolishly your heart starts to hope that he might feel what you feel. But your brain knows that you’re getting way ahead of yourself.

“Do you want to talk about it?” you ask focusing on his hands holding the coffee cup rather than his eyes.

“I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable, I kn-” he starts but you cut him off.

“We were friends long before anything else, Dobrik. Tell me your troubles.” A catch phrase the two of you used whenever the other needed to vent. So he does tell you. He tells you how his work has been driving him crazy lately with deadlines and fans waiting for his next video. How he’s had trouble juggling everything and that’s put too much pressure on his relationship.

“You probably don’t want to hear about that part,” he says suddenly and when you look into his eyes, you know he’s thinking of whispered promises between the two of you. The promises broken in the light of day a long time ago.

“We broke up a long time ago, it’s fine.” A lie you tell him as much as you tell yourself. But it’s all he needs to go on. How he doesn’t know how to find time for her and she doesn’t understand it which he gets because she shouldn’t have to understand it. Everything seems to fall apart around him and he’s just trying to hold on to the pieces.

“You know, when I came to New York. I thought I’d never find happiness. I was working two other jobs while trying to get the business up and running. I was living with roommates that I didn’t even know. I’d just lost you. I thought life would never be good again and that I’d made a huge mistake.” You stop to take a breath allowing yourself to think back at how miserable that time in your life had been.

“But I pushed myself and when I felt like giving up, I pushed a little harder. Somewhere along the way I started to find balance. I quit one of the jobs, I got my own place,” you look over at him to find him staring at you already, “what I’m saying is just that it gets better. And I’m really sorry that it’s hard right now, but I know you can do it.”

“You always had such faith in me,” he says. The two of you has stopped walking altogether and instead just stand and face each other. He looks beautiful as his features are illuminated by the lights. His hair is a little shorter than last time. The circles under his eyes have turned darker though and you catch yourself wondering if he gets enough sleep.

“I still do. The whole reason for you staying in LA was because I knew you were meant for great things.” It’s a mistake to bring up the past because it makes your heart ache for him in a way it hasn’t for a long time. And with him standing so close now, you can hardly keep it together.

“I wish you’d stayed.” It comes out a whisper, almost like he’s scared to say it.

“Don’t say stuff like that,” you dismiss him not daring to let your mind imagine a present with you and David still together in LA. Is he leaning in? You can’t tell if you’re just hoping he’ll lean in or if he actually is.

“Why not?” He’s definitely leaning in. And you want to say that no matter how things are between him and his girlfriend, he still has a girlfriend at home. But his cologne is overwhelming making you lose focus on what matters. Your heart is beating hard in your chest. It’s been too long since David’s been this close to you. Mere inches from your lips and there’s nothing left in the world except you and David. His warm breath giving you chills down his back. At one point your hands has found each other and intertwined. There was something you had to remember. But then you can feel his lips meet yours and the world implodes. All the clichés come to life; stars, fireworks, you see it all.

“I’m sorry,” he says breaking up the kiss. He looks down at his ringing phone almost in shock.

“Who is it?” you ask even though you already know the answer. And you feel horrible about yourself.

“It’s my girlfriend.”

-------------

Tagging: @outerbnx-stiles

#david dobrik #david dobrik x reader #david dobrik blurb #david dobrik gif #david dobrik imagine #vlog squad imagine #vlog squad blurb #davids vlogs #vlog squad

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betasuppe · 3 years

Text

Follow up to this amazing present by @the-writer-nerd-ro where Kei has to go home & tell Obake what's going on...

• • • • • •

The two chattered excitedly on their journey home, but the euphoria of the moment came to a bitter end when they departed the train to start on their separate ways home.

But, before, the two parted, Seth turned & hugged onto Kei extra tightly as one last form of good-bye.

"Everything is going to be fine, Kei. Obake is going to be thrilled, first of all, and Morgan & I will be there every step of the way," they gently reminded Kei with another squeeze. "Just… before you guys settle on names, run them by us first. Can't trust a guy who calls himself something as crazy as 'Obake,' you know?"

Kei laughed raucously & brushed the bangs away from obscuring Seth's face. "You have a valid point, kiddo. And thanks, I'm so glad I have you in my life."

After exchanging another set of good nights, the two began their walks home.

• • • • • •

Like a thief breaking into a stranger's house, Kei carefully snuck through the front door & entered the foyer, trying desperately not to make any noise as she stepped out of her shoes & crept over to the staircase. The house was incredibly quiet & dark, so with any luck, Obake would be asleep & she'd be able to quietly creep into bed without waking her husband up, which would at least give her a bit more time to think of a way to broach the very difficult, life changing news she received at the doctor earlier that day.

But, luck wasn't something Kei usually had on her side - tonight was no exception. As she stepped up to the landing on the upper floor, Kei cursed upon seeing a beam of light coming from the master bedroom. & truthfully, Obake was a raging insomniac, so she shouldn't have been so surprised to find he was still awake. Kei crouched down on the step, her stomach flipping in agony at realizing what she had to do. She stayed there for what seemed like ages before she heard a book shutting, which was followed by a familiar, weary sigh.

"Kei, are you going to hide out on the staircase all night? Or are you at all interested in actually coming to bed?"

The DJ wanted to scream & run down the stairs, out of the house & vanish into the night, but Seth's words echoed in her mind: "Obake will understand… Your kid is going to be lucky to have two of the best parents in San Fransokyo." Kei made a mental note to text them tomorrow to vent about this whole situation, but in the meantime, she steeled up her nerves & shakily stood upright.

"I'm coming! Just… thinking. I'll be right there."

She forced herself to climb up the last few steps & trudged into the bedroom, where Obake was sitting on the bed, his glasses halfway down his nose as he passed her a curt smile, with a few pages of notes & some old looking books spread out around him. At least he made use of his sleepless hours, but even so, Kei wished he was a normal human just this once so she could forget this conversation until the following day.

"What's all this stuff about?" Kei asked nonchalantly as she began shrugging off her hoodie. "Scheming something new up?"

"Yes, I've been thinking about… No, no, nevermind all that - what's going on with you? You're really late &, just now, were you hiding on the stairs? What was that about?" Obake adjusted his glasses as he looked her over & Kei felt her face heat up as he passed her a rather stern look.

"I'm not that late," She mumbled before quickly turning away from him & venturing into the closet to step into something more comfortable. She groaned internally as she slipped away from his piercing gaze, which made her feel just like a little kid that was about to be punished for causing a mess. "I told you the train would have me back around 2AM."

"Kei. I don't know what time you think it is, but it's six o'clock in the morning," came the reply. "You're four hours late."

"Oh," she mumbled, already trying to forget how she took the longest way home possible, taking a trip to the park, a quick stop at one of those 24/7 quick shops for a candy bar & her late night meal at a Noodle Burger on her short walk back from the train station. She began fighting with the hanger as she tried to force it into the jacket's sleeves, her frantic mind in a total panic with how to explain this whole situation to Obake. "Right…"

Her cheeks were still burning painfully hot as she struggled with the simple task. She nearly jumped as a pair of hands gingerly took a hold of her shoulders, finding Obake standing behind her.

"Here, allow me."

"Sure," Kei gulped & stepped back, watching Obake take over & complete the easy task in one simple motion. After a beat, he finally turned around & looked over at his wife, who was practically shrinking under his gaze.

"Kei… what's going on?"

Kei meekly glanced up to him, fearing she'd see anger or annoyance caught in his glare, instead a very worried expression was knotting up his eyebrows.

"Is everything ok?"

"I'm totally fine!" She replied casually with a grin, though her smile slowly began fading as she realized she couldn't lie to him about this, even if she wanted to. "Er, ok I'm, like, mostly fine, that is. I… I think you should sit down."

"Hell, now, you have me worried! Why do I need to sit?"

"Hey, if you don't wanna sit, I do! I've been on my aching feet all night. C'mon, 'Bake." He simply followed Kei back into the bedroom, where she plopped down on the bed & patted the empty space to her side. Instead, he remained standing, his arms crossing sternly across his chest.

"Well? Go ahead. Out with it, then."

Kei chuckled dryly, her stomach knotting up miserably as a cold sweat began running down her back. "You know how we've been talking about the future & all that sort of stuff lately?"

Obake tilted his head in interest. "Yes. And…?"

"Well, like, we've talked about what we want out of the future & that sort of thing? All that stuff that'll make us happy & whatever? And you know that one particular thing we both agreed would be especially awesome, but we weren't sure when it would be best to do? So, we just kinda decided to put it on the back burner, to worry about it later? Well… we don't have to worry about it anymore, because that thing is happening now."

He shook his head & laughed mirthlessly. "I'm afraid you've lost me. What on earth are you talking about?"

"Omg, I'm such an idiot," Kei groaned. Suddenly seizing up in embarrassment, she covered her rosy face with her hands as best as she could. "Let me put it this way: Obake, I'm pregnant."

She peeked through her fingers to watch his face as her words sunk in. That annoyed expression he was wearing quickly dissolved into disbelief & a gentle glow began lighting up the side of his face.

"You… you're serious, aren't you? You're actually pregnant? And we're having a kid? Us? Together?" His knees seemed to give out & he suddenly knelt down at her side. He took a hold of her hands, gingerly pulling them away from obscuring her face so he could clutch desperately onto her. "Is this… This is really happening?"

"Yes," she smiled feebly through tears that were pooling at the corners of her eyes. "You're not mad, are you?"

"Mad?! I'm the very opposite! Kei, my dear, I couldn't be happier!" He leapt back on his feet & pulled Kei upright with him, dragging her into an especially tight hug. She squeezed hard onto him, relishing in that particularly strong glow he was letting off on the side of his face. "Darling, when did you find out? I hope you weren't out there hiding from me tonight!"

"If I'm honest… I was terrified of telling you! But, it's not because of you! It's just that… I'm too used to messing everything up. I wanted this to be a good thing for both of us, you know?" She sniffled, wiping at her eyes. "And, don't worry, I only found out this morning. I thought I had an odd stomach bug & wanted to get checked out before the show &... well, here we are!"

"This is utterly magnificent." Obake gazed at Kei tenderly, gently drying her cheeks as her laughter transformed into a case of hiccups. "And, unless I'm mistaken, I can at least assume that Seth & Morgan know, right?"

"You damn well know I tell Seth everything, even before you," Kei smirked, burying her face in his shirt. "I love you, 'Bake, but Seth is always with me, so they got to know first & helped me figure out what to tell you."

"Well, I'm glad they were there for you today, Kei." Obake pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "And now… our little family is going to be getting a little bigger. Imagine that."

Kei only sighed happily as she snuggled up in Obake's arms.

For a girl who grew up fearing she'd never have a place in the world, let alone ever make a family of her own, Kei had proudly found an odd little niche of her very own where she was simply flourishing with an absolute madman as her partner in crime.

Who could've ever seen this coming‽

#bh6 the series #dj parasite #kei tanaka #obake #obakei #seth drake #stardust angel #nok writes #AAAAAA I HOPE THIS ISNT TOO OOC FOR ANYONE #IF YOU DONT LIKE IT PLZ BE NICE #OK THANKS BYE #nok talks

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miki-snake · 4 years

Text

Sick of Losing Soulmates

📖: Y/N was never lucky with relationships and lost many soulmates on her way. With her current partner though, she was ready to risk it all.

Or - where y/n is going down on one knee💍

⭕️: mentions of past abusive relationship

🔍: 2.1k+

A/N: inspired by “sick of losing soulmates” by dodie

What a strange being you are, God knows where I would be If you hadn't found me, sitting all alone in the dark

Y/N has been through her fair share of relationships and honestly, she never had a good nose for the right guys. Her last relationship though, was by far the worst. There was no doubt that if she didn’t break out of the hell on that day, she’d still be stuck inside of that dark place. Her last partner was nothing but a manipulative and abusive asshole to her. He gave her bruises all over her body and isolated her from all of her friends. Well, there were still some people who stuck by her side through the horrible time.

What the hell would I be, without you Brave face talk so lightly, hide the truth

One particular friend was also the reason why you got out of that awful situation. Tsukishima has always been a tease with a foul mouth but he was also one of your best friends. Everyone knew about your situation and you still tried to keep yourself together. You forced yourself to smile and laugh, you just didn’t want to show them how you were slowly crumbling underneath your mask. Your friends did try to get you away from the jerk but you just weren’t in the right mindset to go through with it. After some time they just stopped trying to convince you and instead they focused on making your time as enjoyable as possible with them. None of them changed the way they acted towards you and you were glad for that. Tsukishima too, didn’t change and continued with all the teasing and snarky remarks.

But one time, his teasing just seemed to trigger something inside of you and you started to cry in front of him. You couldn’t even remember what it was that he said to you, you just knew that he didn’t mean any harm by that. To say that Tsukki was shocked would be an understatement. He was never the guy that could handle a lot of feeling besides occasional annoyance. You remember how he came closer and didn’t know if he should place his arms around you or if he should say something. So he opted for option c and placed his right hand on your head to pet you.

Your mask was falling in front of him and all he could come up with was petting your head. The gesture alone made you cry harder, but not because you were sad that he didn’t say things like “It will get better soon”. No, your tears were falling because you were so happy that he was there for you. It didn’t bother him that you were falling apart right at the moment, he just waited with you until your tears ceased and not once did he stop stroking your hair.

It was on that day, when you poured out all of your pent up feelings, when you felt like you could finally breathe again. Throughout all your venting Tsukishima never left your side and slipped in one or two comments, letting you know that he was actually listening to you. Once you were done you felt how his hand left your head and grabbed your wrist instead. A soft pull led you to fall into his chest and the smell of strawberries and coffee embraced your body. You two just stood there in the middle of the street, while he held you and you swear you never felt so happy before.

Through Tsukki’s support and encouragement you broke the curse you were trapped in at last. To be honest, you’ve never been so terrified in your life as in the moment you told your fucked up, now ex-boyfriend that you were breaking up with him. He got loud, threw stuff through the room and was coming at you with his hand raised, ready to “knock some sense into you”. Of course, he couldn’t get to you because you actually came prepared. Well, you just told Tsukishima that you wanted to end things and he came up with the ideas to go save and call back-up, just in case. So, when the jerk was pouncing at you he didn’t really get that far because Daichi and Sugawara, also called the y/n protection squad, were bursting through the door to save you. Daichi full on rammed into the idiot and restrained his hands behind his back, while Sugawara was holding up his phone recording everything.

The asshole spewed out more curses and tried to wriggle himself out of Daichi’s grip but there was no chance of escaping when Daichi got angry. There wasn’t much more you remembered from that scene because Tsukishima came to get you out of there as fast as possible.

You never heard of him again and you were very glad about it. It was like you could start all over again and your friends were also happy to see you more often with a real smile on your face. You were slowly healing and getting over your past but that didn’t mean that there weren’t any remnants of your past relationship left on you.

'Cause I'm sick of losing soulmates, so where do we begin I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me So how do we win?

It was hard for you to believe in love again and trusting somebody in that sense became near impossible for you. Well, it wasn’t like you needed to be in a relationship anyway. You had your friends around you and you were content with how things were going. Though, you did long for someone who would truly love you from time to time. The problem wasn’t that you missed someone who would smother you with their love for you, no. The problem was that every time you would imagine someone holding you in their arms, a certain tall blonde guy with glasses plopped up in your mind.

It never occurred to you that you could be in love with one of your best friends and even then, it had to be Tsukishima? Since the day he was there for you when you broke into tears you could feel how something inside of you was changing. You were more aware of his presence and sometimes catched yourself staring at his soft features for what felt like forever. However, you were so sick of losing people and you would never want to lose Tsukishima as a friend, so you did the only thing that came into your mind. You denied your feelings. Though, over time it only got harder for you to run from your emotions, they just kept on getting stronger and you longed even more for his touch.

Slowly it got out of hand and you also started to avoid him, but never think that Tsukki wouldn’t catch up on your little changes. He saw how you tried to put more distance between you two and how you would start to panic when his eyes catched yours. It irritated him to no end because he didn’t understand why you acted so stupidly, so he just took the matter into his own hands.

Yeah, I'm sick of losing soulmates, won't be alone again I can finally see, you're as fucked up as me So how do we win?

One day he had enough of your antics and he cornered you at your locker after your courses ended. You remember how he looked so annoyed and frustrated when he asked you about your suspicious behaviour. You weren’t sure if he had noticed but of course he had to expose you like that. Your face was a blushing mess and you really tried to deny everything he dished out. He blocked you when you tried to flee the scene and he was so close you could smell the faint scent of strawberries again. It was so embarrassing but somehow he got you to stutter out a confession that you tried to escape from the past few weeks.

You didn’t want to lose him as a friend, you didn’t want to be alone again. Still, it was exhausting to avoid him all of the time and you started to feel lonely without his usual teasing. Tsukishima was surprised by your sudden confession but then he gave you a light slap on the back of your head. A whine left your lips and you wanted to complain, though you were cut off by him calling you an idiot.

“And that was the reason you were stupidly ducking your head down, whenever I catched you looking at me?”, his lips held his typical smirk but you could see a faint blush on his cheeks. His hand grabbed your wrist just like back then and tucked you into his chest. You two were just standing there, in the middle of the hallway and embraced each other.

“I like you too, idiot.”

We will grow old as friends, I've promised that before so what's one more In our grey-haired circle, waiting for the end?

You and him have been together since that day, which was now five years ago. You two were living with each other in an apartment and it felt like nothing has changed. He was still making fun of you every chance he got but you’re also the only person who could see him in his vulnerable and soft state.

Back in the days of your toxic relationship you could’ve never imagined yourself being as happy as you are right now. You got into the career you wanted, had an independent life and all of it you could share with your fantastic boyfriend. Back then you couldn’t dream about tomorrow because there was no use for it when you were caged inside that horrible relationship. Today though, was a different story. With Tsukishima by your side you could even imagine the bright future with him as your husband and one or two children around you two. You could hope for what was going to come and the thought of tomorrow would cast a smile on your lips.

Time and hearts will wear us thin So which path will you take, 'cause we both know a break Does exactly what it says on the tin Sure, nothing can be certain in life and you won’t be able to predict the future. What was now your own little paradise could turn into a nightmare by the end of the dawn. Even though there is a chance that you could be wrong about the two of you, it didn’t matter to you anymore. He was the one who held you up when you couldn’t stand on your own and he still was. He still was your save space, where you could let yourself fall and be sure of him catching you. It didn’t matter that there were statistics about how often relationships and especially marriages fail nowadays. You just wanted to think about how there was a chance of you two spending the rest of your life together.

I won't take no for an answer

And that is why you found yourself on one knee in front of your boyfriend of five years, in the living room where you two just finished your weekly documentary friday. You two were clothed in your loungewear, pillows and blankets scattered around the floor and in your hand a simple silver ring with the initials of the two of you engraved on the inside of it.

“Tsukishima Kei, you made me by far the happiest girl on earth for being my boyfriend for the last five years. You gave me so many reasons to believe in this relationship and made me feel like you and I could take on the world if we wanted to. You are my best friend, boyfriend and my soulmate. I used to believe that eventually every person would leave me, it would only be a matter of time. But with you, I dare myself to hope for a bright and fulfilling future that is waiting. I dare myself to hope that this could last against all the odds. I believe that you, my soulmate, are someone I won’t lose on the way to my dream. As I said, you made myself very, very happy back then. And today you could make me even happier with this promise of a future together.”

Without a word Tsukishima slid down from the couch and took your kneeling form into his arms. You closed your eyes and breathed in the familiar scent, your arms circling around his waist while a content smile settled on your lips.

“Of course I’ll say yes...idiot.”

#tsukishima x reader #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu #tsukishima kei x reader #tsukishima kei #kei x reader #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu imagines #tsukishima fluff #tsukishima imagine

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hide-in-imagination · 3 years

Text

“New Year’s Eve Is Okay (maybe even amazing)” - Simbar oneshot

The continuation of the Christmas oneshot you all asked for!!! ♡

Happy New Year, everyone ^^

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In her grandpa’s words, Christmas was for family. New Year’s Eve was for friends, your chosen family.

Because family has always and will always be with you, he had told her once. New Years is to celebrate new things. The new people in your life.

Yes, it sounded a little cheesy, and considering her history, Ámbar shouldn’t be very ecstatic about celebrating friendship, but she understood what he meant. She had always seen change as an opportunity for something new instead of something to be afraid of. And thank god for that mindset because she’d had to restart and do over a lot in her life. But now she was finally in a place where she felt accepted, and most importantly, fully comfortable with who she was, the friends she’d made along the way and the plans she had for the future.

And so, her tradition was to spend the New Years at some friend’s house or at a dance club, partying the night away and welcoming the new year dancing. It wasn’t that she was the kind of person who went ‘This is gonna be my year!’ or something and awaited midnight with vibrant excitement and twinkling eyes— She actually found it a little silly since every year always ended up being pretty much the same as the previous one and everyone she knew that made New Years resolutions never fulfilled any of them. But hey, it was a great excuse to get drunk, break free from all and any worries and dance and sing until her feet and throat were sore. As far as holidays went, that made New Years her unbeatable favorite. The only day better than that was her birthday.

This year, the pre-party was at her friend Emilia’s house, which consisted of about two hours of food and drinks before they all moved to a near club around eleven and waited for the stroke of midnight.

That was where Ámbar was right now, chatting with some friends in her dark blue shiny dress as she sipped from her drink. Normally, she would be checking the crowd, either here or at the club, looking for a handsome stranger to close the night with a flourish and then never see him again. But this year was different. This year, she wasn’t interested in any of that. Not because she’d gotten bored of the ‘good’ one-night stands which never quite managed to be ‘excellent.’ She could’ve carried on with that.

No, the reason was rather a person. A person that started with ‘S’ and ended with ‘imón, the unexpected friend of Luna who I can not stop thinking about.’

He hadn’t asked for her number that night at her grandpa’s Christmas dinner party, and she, stupidly, hadn’t done it either. Because, what if he got to know her better and decided she wasn’t his type? What if he turned out to be an awful guy and she ended up disappointed? She didn’t even know if he already had a girl he liked. Maybe she should just stay with the memory of one perfect night instead of risking it.

Thoughts like that circled in her head on a loop until he left along with Luna and Matteo and she lost her chance. Later, surrounded by nothing but the solitude and quiet of her own apartment, she had regretted it immensely. She was Ámbar Smith; she was supposed to be braver than that.

It’d been hard to sleep that night, between flashbacks that made her smile and the memory of their lingering stares when they said goodbye which wiped it right off.

Fortunately, her state of disappointment and self-loathing didn’t last too much, for the very next evening, she got a text saying:

‘You still haven’t managed to change my mind’

Ámbar may had reacted a little too excitedly, doing what could only be described as a victory dance in her room. Which was ridiculous and so not warranted by a single text, but she really couldn’t help it. By the time she calmed down somewhat, she had two more texts.

‘Just a reminder in case you want to rectify that’

‘It’s Simón by the way’

Of course I know it’s you, her melted heart responded. Why did she find it so cute that he felt the need to clarify? She guessed it was just funny how he could act so confident and laid-back one minute and then shy and awkward in the next. Were they both part of him or did he hide one with the other? She didn’t really know him to know yet, but she found it endearing.

‘I’m guessing Luna gave you my number?’ She texted back, just to appear a little nonchalant. After all, contrary to what her attitude in the last five minutes may imply, she was not a twelve-year-old with a crush.

‘Maybe’ he replied.

He appeared as ‘writing’ for some time (during which her heart did not pound, thank you very much) as if he deleted and started again until he finally tapped sent.

‘She shouldn’t have?’

Now, Ámbar could’ve kept playing it cool and reply with something like “nah, it’s fine” or “I don’t mind either way”— that was probably the smartest move. But just as that night next to the snack table where her chest had ached at just the idea of him thinking that he was bothering her, she couldn’t bear to make him feel like that. So, she decided to be honest.

‘Actually… I think it’s the best thing she has done in a long time.’

After that, they had talked every day. About many things, general topics like music, movies, TV shows, memes, funny videos… They’d talk about stuff that happened to them throughout the day, whether to vent (“The weather it’s way too hot, I’m melting here!”) or share something good (“A friend just got me the game I talked to you about!”)

Ámbar found herself laughing at every little joke he made, and she felt so happy whenever she made him laugh. She was a little embarrassed at how attentive she was to her phone, practically jumping at the smallest sound or vibration to check if it was a message from him. She got so disappointed when it wasn’t, but oh so very excited when it was. It was dumb and exaggerated, she knew it, but texting with Simón made her heart sing.

(And his ‘Goodnight, bonita’ might as well had made it explode.)

The voice notes didn’t take long in making an appearance (she may or may have not bookmarked some of his), and then there was that day Simón called her because he said he had his hands busy doing the dishes and so he couldn’t write.

Ámbar had told him that if he was busy then they could talk later (a stupid move considering how happy it made her to hear his voice and oh god, what if he hangs up now?) but Simón had replied that he’d put on earphones precisely for this reason and begged her to please save him from boredom while he washed his mountain of dishes. (He was not exaggerating; he had a big family).

They’d talked for hours that day, long after he’d finished his task. They’d told each other stories of their lives and their families, shared dreams and goals they had in mind. She had laughed a lot and learned a lot about him, more than enough to completely erase her made-up story of the dedicated social worker and shape it into the passionate musician slash part-time waiter that he was. And yet she wanted to know more. Way more.

They didn’t talk about the kiss under the mistletoe in any of their conversations or made any plans about going out somewhere together. Ámbar didn’t know if she should bring it up or if it was too soon; they’d only been talking for a couple days after all. She’d probably seem too intense.

(“You are,” Emilia had told her the day prior, backing it up with the fact that in these few days she’d already memorized all of his band’s songs. It wasn’t her fault the songs were good. Or that his singing sounded so beautiful.)

Besides, Simón was making the most of spending time with his family now that they’d finally managed to arrive from London, and she herself had been meeting with different friends and co-workers around the city to exchange gifts and catch up, so maybe it wasn’t the best time to start anything either.

It didn’t stop her from wishing she could see him though.

He did ask her if she had plans for New Year’s Eve— a not so subtle question that made her smile because it meant he felt the same.

Sadly, she had already made plans weeks ago to attend Emilia’s party along with many mutual and not mutual friends and ex college classmates. He said he too had planned to attend a friend’s party, and since he had pretty much helped organize the whole thing, he couldn’t not show up.

Which brought Ámbar here, to the party with her friends, many guys hitting on her and she rejecting them all. She felt a little foolish, to be honest. It’s not like she was dating Simón or he had made any comment about them being exclusive or something. (And could someone be ‘exclusively talking to someone else’? Because that’s all they did. They were nothing. Seriously, it was laughable.) For all she knew, he could be sucking face with another girl right now at his party and here she was, dodging advances from hot guys.

They were handsome and smooth and the look in their eyes promised very fun things… but they weren’t Simón.

Ámbar felt very, very stupid.

---------------------------------

Thirty minutes before midnight, Ámbar was singing along to the tunes the DJ played as the countdown steadily proceeded on the club’s wide screen. Thankfully, the place wasn’t as packed as a can of sardines since most people were either outside waiting for the fireworks display or at their homes waiting to hug their families so they could run out and join some party. That didn’t mean it was empty though, not in the slightest, but she could move from the bar and back without needing to elbow her way through, which was enough for her.

Many from the pre-party had already disappeared in the crowd, Emilia, the traitor, being the first, because “You may have put yourself in an imaginary leash but I’m free to do whatever I want, and what I want is for someone to do me.”

Ámbar would’ve defended herself but she’d asked Ramiro to be her kiss at midnight and that basically proved she was right. Ramiro was the closest thing she had to a male best friend; they’d known each other for years so she trusted him enough for it. Also, she knew he was just getting out of a toxic relationship, so he would not think of it as anything more than what it was.

To be honest, she wouldn’t kiss anyone, but she feared if she was standing alone by the time the clock stroke midnight, some drunk guy would jump her, so she thought it was better to prevent something like that from happening.

Simón had sent her a few texts every once in a while and a quick video of how the party was going over there.

Good, she thought. So at least he remembers me in between sticking his tongue down other girls’ throats.

Yeah, by that point in the night and after her third glass of rum & coke, Ámbar had gotten pretty paranoid.

She’d responded briefly with emojis and by posting many Instagram stories of her own party. (If she happened to be with Ramiro in most of them, it was purely coincidental.)

“Who’s the guy?” Asked the aforementioned, looking at her phone’s screen over her shoulder. She was looking at a group selfie Simón had shared in his Stories to see if she could identify which of all those bitches was throwing herself at him right now. Her bet was on the curly-haired brunette with the tacky golden dress.

“None of your business,” she replied, locking her phone and putting it inside her bag.

“I’d say it is my business if you’re using me to make him jealous.”

She looked at him.

“Oh yeah, I’ve noticed,” he said, smiling very smugly.

“Shut up,” she said, and went to the bar for another drink.

-----------------------------------------

It was one minute to the New Year and with her fourth glass left empty somewhere and the energy from dancing in her veins, she was actually pretty pumped.

That was until Ramiro went up to her and told her loud enough to be heard over the music—

“I’m gonna split up!”

Ámbar looked at him, taken aback. “W-what? But we agreed—”

“You’ll be fine!” He assured her and left her there to mix with the crowd. In seconds she couldn’t even see him anymore.

Ámbar scoffed. Thank you so much, friend.

He was right though; she didn’t need him. She was an independent woman who could take care of herself. She’d had to handle boy advances all her life; she could do it tonight too.

The excitement started growing in the crowd as the countdown on the screen marked 30 seconds. Some people ran to the bowls of grapes, ready to stuck 12 in their mouths as fast as they could. Some others prepared their party crackers and party horns. Those were pretty drunk.

Ámbar swallowed the piece of nougat in her mouth and readied herself to chant the countdown with the crowd.

Ten!

There was a tap on her shoulder.

She rolled her eyes internally. Seriously? Already?

Nine!

She turned around to dispatch whatever guy that had come to bother her.

Eight!

Her heart skipped a beat.

Seven!

Simón smiled. Beautiful, timid, excited.

“Hi.”

Six!

Ámbar couldn’t comprehend, couldn’t even respond, only look at him and look at him and look at him because he was there and her heart was going to come out.

Five!

He couldn’t stop looking at her either.

Four!

She knew that look. She’d seen it that night, when his eyes had searched hers for an answer.

Three!

There was more longing now, more eagerness, the question written on fire instead of a hopeful breeze.

Two!

She felt the same fire and more.

One!

There was no need to ask.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

Simón held her face and kissed her.

Around them, the place roared with life, confetti fell like rain, but for Ámbar only his lips existed, only the softness of his hair as she drowned a hand in it, the leather of his jacket where she was holding onto him, the firmness of his body against hers, his hand sliding to her back to pull her closer.

The ceiling could’ve fallen down and she wouldn’t have let him go.

This time, she didn’t have to worry about stares or decorum. She didn’t have to pretend she didn’t want more, so she didn’t. She parted his lips and deepened the kiss, rejoicing in how he gripped her hips and kissed her harder. She wrapped her arms around his neck and took turns between letting him take whatever he wanted and pouring everything she felt into his mouth until neither could anymore breathe.

She didn’t know how long they were like that, only that they were left panting. They opened their eyes and time started moving again. All around them there were people dancing and singing, the music so loud it invited you to follow it.

Ámbar followed Simón instead, as he guided her by the hand to a more secluded place, far from the blaring speakers.

“How are you here?” She said in awe once they stopped. She’d think it was a dream if her lips didn’t still feel him, if it weren’t impossible for her body to simulate these many sensations.

“You shared the name of the place many times on Instagram.”

She had. She could finally admit that she had been secretly hoping he would pick up on that. She was so glad he did.

“For a moment I thought I wasn’t gonna find you on time though,” he continued. “I got here minutes ago but there were so many people. Thankfully, your friend, the curly one, he saw me and pointed me in the right direction.”

Oh my god, Ramiro, I love you, you’re the best.

“What about your party?” She asked.

He shrugged. “It’s not that far from here, just half an hour plus some walking. I could stay here for a while and then go back… Or I could just stay here with you, if you want me to.”

Somewhere, Ámbar was aware that that was a question, that he was hoping she’d want him to stay, but she couldn’t focus on that when she was almost out of air.

“…Did you ride a bus for thirty minutes just to come kiss me at midnight?”

Simón averted his gaze and rubbed the back of his neck, looking embarrassed.

“Well… Actually, I took the subway. But it was really—”

She didn’t let him finish.

For the first time since they met, Ámbar kissed Simón not because of some tradition, not because of any excuse— Only because she wanted to.

Simón was surprised for a second before he wrapped her in his arms and kissed her back. Ámbar set to kiss him until it didn’t surprise him anymore, until he had no doubt that she was crazy about him, until he didn’t hesitate in front of her because she was wonderstruck just by him existing.

They only parted far enough to look at each other. If her kiss didn’t fully convey it, he must have seen it in her eyes, because his arms didn’t let her go and a warm, happy smile grew on his face.

“So,” he said, nuzzling his nose to hers. “Any New Years’ resolutions?”

Ámbar thought about it, and for once, just this once, she chose to take a leap of faith.

“Ending the year like this wouldn’t be bad.”

She was scared of having said that because they only knew each other since some days ago and all her logic told her that most likely they’d only see each other for a month and then something would happen and they would never talk again. Pretending otherwise, actually thinking otherwise, was foolish; nothing more than hopeful thinking. It would only embarrass her later to know she said this.

But then he smiled that beautiful smile of his and she decided it was worth it.

“I think the same thing.”

Both danced and kissed until late into the night, and two days later, they had their first real date.

And at the end of the year, when holiday season came, Ámbar arrived with Simón at her granpa’s house, and their New Year’s resolution came true when they were, once again, each other’s kiss at midnight.

…

#simbar #simbar fic #sl fanfiction #simbar fanfic #hope you like it!#My Writing #happy new year everyone #short writings

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2p-stuff-because-i-miss-them · 4 years

Note

How do the 2ps handle a breakup/heartbreaks?

The 2ps and breakupsssss

2p America: It really depends on how long you were dating, if it was for a couple of weeks or something he’s definitely used to those short term break ups and he’ll get over it really fast, probably will still want to keep in contact and stay friends, goes to lots of parties, and socializes with everyone. If it was a long relationship, or it was very personal he doesn’t want to even hear mentions of the other person ever again. He’ll be pretty down.

2p Canada: Not necessarily super fine but he’ll honestly get over it if it was pretty short. If it was longer than a year that’ll be too much for him. He’ll probably need to stay at Oliver's house or vent to Allen for a while. He’ll need to cry it out a lot and he won’t be dating for a while. He also can’t really get out of bed anymore someone please help him-

2p Russia: uh oh. He won’t be making that mistake again. He’s very depressed by it after all it takes awhile for him to even consider dating someone he’s fallen for, and now that that ended up badly he’s going to build many more walls for people to go through. He drinks a lot of stronk alcohol during these times and brings back bad habits. He’s already getting back up after the second day tho

2p France: Yeah, how unsurprising. He knew this would happen, he knew it but he still went for it because he thought “maybe….maybe they can see me, the real me, and still...love me?”. And just like in the past he was wrong and now he’s broken. He smokes things when he doesn’t want to, drinks alcohol that he hates and goes to parties he doesn’t even want to be at. He says it's to numb the pain and suffering, but really it's to punish himself for being so blind to see that he’ll never be worthy of that.

2p England: Oliver is a little better at handling these situations than most would expect, he’s quite calm and polite during the breakup. It hits him afterwards really when its too late. He’ll end up calling the others name then remembering that they aren’t there. Was his bed always this cold? Was his house always this quiet? Was he always...so empty? Were they really all that much to him? Why did he let them go so fast? He has to see them again, m-maybe something can be salvaged? (It cannot bby uwu)

2p China: Handles it very well if it was under a year. Is bed ridden and broken completely if it was more than that. He falls in love pretty easily, so this was probably bound to happen. If it was long and stable he won’t be able to get over it on his own. He’ll try to keep in contact with the other person as to maybe make something work out but he doesn’t realize that it's really over. Someone needs to help him understand that. Before he falls apart completely grasping at strings that are not there.

2p Italy: Wants nothing to do with the other person ever again no matter how long the relationship was. Like Kuro it's pretty hard for Luciano to fall in love so the breakup broke his heart for sure. He won’t look for condolence in others at all, he’ll just pick up a bad drinking habit until his brother tells him to stop. He’s actually one of the most disastrous out of the 2ps after a break up.

2p Japan: “no we aren’t through. Seriously no….seriously stop, you can’t leave me. Please.” Honestly devastated, but he refuses to show or acknowledge that in front of everyone. He desperately doesn’t want to throw all their stuff out but he also doesn’t want to keep it. He doesn’t want to say goodbye forever but he can’t be friends with them either because that’d hurt too much. He lives normally, avoiding all the stuff in their house, but gazing upon it from afar...he could move it at any time. He’s hurt because he didn’t expect everything to be peachy but he definitely worked quite hard to be in that relationship...i thought it could probably work out? He won’t cry though he’s just a little lost now.

2p Germany: Same as Allen basically. But with a little more nihilism. If it was short he’ll get over it within about a week or so. If it was longer he’ll be heartbroken but the heart break will be overcome with some sinister thinking like “you’re so stupid to believe that love like that could be real, what a dumbass”. He may then try to convince himself that this was some sort of test from a superior of his to see how easily it would take to thoroughly weave into his heart. He’ll remind himself that he doesn’t deserve that love, or anything really…(YOURE WRONG BBY BOYYYY)

2p Romano: If it was short, he’s already over it, let's be honest. He expected the worst during 2 months. However if it was longer he’s....very numb for awhile. It’s not that he’s not sad, he just doesn’t really know how to handle very depressive emotions like that, whenever the breakups happen. It’s all cheery and fine until suddenly they leave or he leaves. He’ll continue on with life like everything is peachy and normal but...there’s something off for the next couple of months definitely. He’ll randomly stare into space or he’ll get into a car accident and not even realize he did until someones screaming at him to come back to the real world. It’s scary because he’s so out of character as if he was a robot who forgot its code and programming….

2p Prussia: Oh brother he’s not taking this well in the slightest, it's very sad to see him because he isn’t crying or really mourning, he’s like Flavio except it's very clear that his entire world has shattered in front of him. He knew he shouldn’t have dated. He only talks to Lutz and Lutz sort of has to take care of him now-.

I can write nordic breakups too just ask meh. 2p France bf hc’s on their way after all this angst.Thank you guys for being so supportive and sending me things to write as always :3

#2p hetalia #2p america #2p japan #2p italy #2p #2p germany #2p!hetalia #2p Russia #2p romano #2p! North Italy #2p headcanons #2p china #2p Prussia #2p canada #2p france #2p england #2ptalia #2p axis #2p allies

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braindeadskeletons · 4 years

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Speaking of music, I really like to sing, and I think I'm actually pretty good at it. I don't open up very easily at all, so if I'm honest with you I really trust you. And I've been described as the friend everyone comes to for comfort/advice, and I take that role with pride. In public, I can be very affectionate, or not affectionate at all. It really depends on what my S/O would like. But when we're home, I'm usually pretty clingy. (I hope thiat wasn't too much, or too little, info!) (2/2)

okay so I did a huge whoops and deleted the first half of this ask. Here's the first part of it:

Hi, I'm here for a matchup! (Sorry in advance if I do a lot of asks to fit in all my info). My name is Viper, I am Genderfluid, Pansexual, and Polyamorus. I am an ambivert, who normally doesn't leave my house unless asked, but once I do my inner extrovert comes out. But I can only take so much, and after a couple of hours I'll need some alone time to relax. I like to read adventure/sci-fi/horror books when I get the chance. I also am an amateur artist, who listens to music 24/7. (1/?)

Hello there! Don't worry about it at all the more information on you the merrier. Reading this you honestly sound like such an awesome person to be around with and just hangout. Like I could just say something that's been on my mind for a really long time and it's pretty heavy but you completely just listen and understand. You're just someone everybody gets along with you know? Immediately when I read everything two boys came to mind instantly and though they may be the most basic answers I'd say I got the match pretty accurate. Or at least I'd like to think so lol. Thank you so much for sending this in!

I match you with Horrortale!Sans and Undertale!Sans

Alright so immediately off the bat you may be thinking 'how the fuck did I get here?' and honestly that's a valid question. You don't exactly see the two and think that they're best friends who could both share a very cute human. Axe reflects Sans in such a way that really disturbs him. If the human just made one different decision Sans would've been left in the underground to starve with every other monster. He also isn't very fond of how Crooks appears and it kind of haunts him that in another timeline he failed Paps. Axe on the other hand isn't fond of Sans because he feels like he always acts high and mighty. He doesn't like how Sans can sit around and act like Axe is some sort of freak when Sans isn't even a completely innocent monster himself. He just acts like a lazy idiot but he isn't. It also doesn't help that whenever Axe looks at Sans he's just reminded of how his Frisk wronged him. He's reminded that he isn't the monster he used to be because of the head injury he endured and the hardships underground. As mentioned before, one wrong move and at the end of the day Sans and Axe are one of the same. They both reflect the parts of each other that they would rather live without confronting.

There's immediately a lot to unpack here from the start. Getting the two to even begin to compromise on a poly relationship with you is admittedly going to be a challenge. It would require you to be able to firmly hold your ground and get them to sort their shit out. It's a lot of conversation and trust needed in order for this to work out. In the end, they both come to the compromise after a lot of discussion and setting boundaries of what is and isn't alright with them. Sometimes they might clash a bit and have those issues resurface (its very rare since both skeletons when needed are amazing at concealing their emotions) and you'll need to act as the middleman. At the end of the day it's all worth it to them just to see you happy.

Let's start off first with Sans. It's amazing how I've gone on for a bit and I haven't even technically started. The fact that you don't really like going out of your way to go out unless asked to is a bit of a relief. It's not that Sans doesn't like socializing, it's just that a lot of the time he really needs a break to just relax on the couch and nap with you, you know? He's got a lot on his mind and Papyrus often scolds him for sleeping and with Grillby's it can at times be overwhelming when he just needs peace and quiet. Just knowing that his cute datemate isn't going to do any of that helps him relax. It's going to be a lot of just enjoying each other's company even if it's quiet at the start. The silence between you two isn't ever uncomfortable though, just enjoying your company is enough for him. Of course there will actually be times where he does offer you to go to Grillby's and when you say yes he's always really happy to share his favorite bar with you. When you two sit together at his usual spot it's a lot of him joking around with you and absolutely looking at you with heart eyes when he gets a certain genuine laugh out of you. He's actually teased about it a lot the few times you don't accept his offer to go to Grillby's. Sans lives to see you smile with his jokes and he just tells them that they're jealous he ended up with such a cute datemate and they didn't. If you ever find yourself exhausted and you need to go home after you're bone tired just tell him and he'll teleport you right home no hassle.

Once you reach a certain point in your relationship Sans will start to gradually accept your affection. You'll need to ease him into it, since he's really not used to anybody besides his brother showing him any sort of affection. Of course before this he's absolutely bombarding you with flirty puns numerous times but physical affection? That's going to take a while. However once he's used to it you can absolutely smother him all you want. He'll only get embarrassed if it's in a public place like Grillbys but he's good at hiding it for the most part. In front of people like his brother he'll still be a little unsure but for the most part it's like a running joke where Pap yells at him to knock it off and Sans pushes his buttons a little. It often goes a little like this:

Papyrus: SANS! I DEMAND THAT YOU UNHAND THE HUMAN THIS INSTANT!

Sans, a hand on your waist: what human?

Papyrus: THE ONE IN YOUR POSSESSION

Sans, pulling you closer: this human?

Papyrus: SANS

Sans: this one right here?

Papyrus: SANS STOP

Sans, moving his hands a little lower:

Papyrus: SANS PLEASE WE'RE SURROUNDED BY CHILDREN THIS IS A HUMAN CHILD'S 5TH BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION

It's all in good fun and he never goes further than that. The one place he'll draw the line is if you get a little too sexual for him in public. Especially if his brother is right there. He prefers to keep that stuff just between you and him.

Okay now onto Axe! Unlike Sans, Axe would rather stay inside for the rest of his life than go outside. His appearance discourages him from wanting to do so. If you're with him this mentality will probably be projected onto you as well. He won't really ask you to go out anywhere (unless it's somewhere he specifically knows will make you happy) so in terms of that don't expect much from him. Axe is really happy that you don't really like going out either way and you'd rather spend time with him inside the house where it's safe, warm, and he can keep an eye out for you. It's comforting to him that he can know where you are and that you're happy with him. His favorite moments with you are when you've got your head in a book and he sees your face relax as you get lost in your own little world. It's just the cutest thing. Axe absolutely adores the fact that you're clingy because unlike his counterpart (assuming that at this point he obviously trusts you) it doesn't take time for him at all to want to cuddle you, hold you in his arms, kiss you, etc. He's shy about none of it. The only thing you'd really need to look out for is when you try and initiate affection yourself. It's not that it's unwelcomed; he just doesn't take surprises well due to the nature of his underground. Make sure that you let him know what's coming and you'll both be perfectly fine. During the few times that you two are in public together he's not shy about showing the world that you're his. The only time where he might ask you to step back a little is when you're with his brother. He doesn't like Crooks seeing stuff like this because he still has an instinct to protect him from things. Not that you'd ever try anything of course.

An aspect about you that both skeletons greatly appreciate is how you're very honest with the people that you love and that you act as the friend who listens. They've both found themselves in the same position as you and now that you're dating both of them it's a wonderful change of pace. You all can sit down and vent to each other instead of only listening to others rant and you all absolutely trust each other. Honesty and integrity are both traits the skeletons really look for in a datemate. There's basically no secrets between the three of you and for your skeleton boys thats definitely new for them. As for your talent with singing and art? They genuinely can't get enough of either. Whenever you draw something? Sans will literally stare and wonder how he ended up with someone as talented as you meanwhile Axe has already grabbed the drawing and put it on the fridge. If you ever try and talk yourself down both of them are immediately on your case about how you shouldn't put yourself down and that everything you make is a masterpiece. Axe will literally also ask you who the fuck made you think like that and where do they live. He isn't joking. Sans won't be as vocal about it as Axe is but he's listening in as well. With your singing they both love your voice to pieces. Sans will hype you up to every single person at Grillby's and even encourage you to let others hear your talent. If not, that's cool too. He can just sit and listen at home. Axe mostly likes to ask for you to sing to him when he's having a really rough day or when it's late at night and you're both alone. What can he say? It helps him sleep.

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #453

“you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave”

What health problems run in your family? Diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, depression, cancer, a LOT more that I'm forgetting. Where did you last have sex? I have zero memory of the last time that was, so I wouldn't know. But probably a bed? How long have you known your best friend? Since we were around 8 and 11. What’s something people criticize you the most for? That I rely on the computer too much. Are spiders scary? I mean some are, but they're also extremely fascinating animals that I really enjoy observing. Cheetos. Poofy or regular? Regular, for sure. The poofy ones get stuck in your teeth SO badly. What's your favorite music genre? Heavy metal. Be honest. What are you most afraid of? Doing nothing with my life. What's your favourite type of survey to take? The ones with really random questions that you don't see in every single one. However, I don't like "random" to where the questions are just inapplicable to almost everyone. I also enjoy questions that allow me to vent about stuff I have going on. If I'm in the right mood, deep questions are great, too. What was the last topic you read about? In detail? I don't know. What shirt do you wear the most? Besides tank tops, my Cloak "equal in our bones" Day of the Dead shirt. What's your go-to order from KFC? I don't eat at KFC. Did you have hand-me-down clothes when you were growing up? Yes. What was the last song you listened to? Well, NOW I'm obsessed with Violet Orlandi's cover of "Hotel California." I keep finding new songs that I just loop for days, man, lol. I'm still not over her "The Unforgiven" cover. Did you have long hair as a young kid? I did. How many songs do you know by the band you are listening to? I'm still listening to Violet's "Hotel California" cover, which is originally by The Eagles. I obviously know this song, as well as "Heartache Tonight." Probably more, just those are the two I know and like. What podcasts do you listen to, if any? I don't listen to any. What was your most recent binge watch? Gab Smolders' playthrough of Final Fantasy X. What’s the oldest thing currently in your house? Hell, possibly my bed frame. I don't know. If you use Snapchat, do you post to your story or send individual snaps more often? I don't have one. When was the last time you rolled your eyes? At what? Not too long ago. Mom said something that really annoyed me. Do you like mozzarella sticks? No. If you had to name one of your children after a friend, solely based on their name alone, who would you choose? Probably Alon. Everything about her is beautiful, ha ha. Have you ever watched anime porn? I can confidently say I have not... Are ladybugs cute? Yes! Would you wear something made from snake skin? Fuck no. I won't wear anything that comes from an animal. Will you leave the house without fragrance on? Yeah, idc. What’s the coolest thing you’ve ever done for a significant other? In art class, I made an anatomically correct heart out of clay and put it in a shadow box along with a poem as the background. I honestly really hope Jason still has it, because I worked my ass off on it. What do you think of naming your son after the father (ex. Roy Jr.): It's not my business what other parents name their kids, but for me personally, I really don't like it. Like... give your child their own identity. It also feels kinda arrogant to me? Like are you so important that you have to force your name onto your kid? Do you like Death Cab For Cutie? I only know "I Will Follow You Into the Dark," which I adore. Do walking near or past cops make you feel uncomfortable? Yes. I just feel like I'm doing something wrong somehow. Do you think stretching (or gauging) your ears is disgusting? When they get to a certain size, to me it is. Small ones are no biggie. What piercing or body modification do you think is really gross? Oh my god, those corset piercings people get on their backs. Just... no. What would you do if your bf/gf told you they were going into the army? I'd be fucking devastated, in a hypothetical relationship where we're serious. What is the nearest gas station called? Uhhhh... I forgot lol. The second-closest though, which is almost like, RIGHT beside the other one, is Sheetz. Do you think bearded dragons are cute? omg YES!!!!!!!! What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? I have no idea. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. Are you someone who tends to take a whole lot of naps? Too many, honestly. I'm just like... always tired. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Hm. My favorite I've ever had was "Bee," which Megan called me, but I don't like others calling me that. Ever meet someone whose house has burned down spontaneously? Yes, in middle school. Why aren’t you pursuing the person you like? I kinda am. I reached out to him. What part of a person’s body do you find most attractive? Guys: shoulder blades. Girls: hips. Any friends that you’d go on a date with? Yeah. I think I want to try that with Girt and see how it goes and decide what the fuck I want. Is it cute when someone calls you babe? It's funny, I used to hate that, but now I imagine I wouldn't mind? Do you like Muse? Yeah! "Unnatural Selection" and "Psycho" are especially BANGERS. What’s your favorite flavor of jello? Strawberry. What song is stuck in your head right now? I'm bingeing the absolute fuck outta the song I mentioned earlier, ha ha. Do you have a niece or nephew? I have a lot, but only three I see regularly. Have you ever been caught doing something REAL embarrassing by your parents? idk What did you receive for Valentine’s Day? I think Mom got me a chocolate bar? When was the last time you went to a cemetery, and why were you there? I want to say this was many years ago when I went with Colleen to her church. Her stillborn brother was buried there. Have you ever owned a plant? What was it? I grew habaneros once, along with some sort of succulents from Colleen. What was the most interesting animal you have seen in the wild? I saw a mink jump into the river once when I was out fishing with Dad at our favorite spot. Were you born in the state you live in? Yep. Always lived here. What’s a smell that makes you feel ill? Dog shit. Do you like to sleep? Yes and no. I like falling asleep if it's quick, because I'm all comfy, but I also dread sleep because of my nightmares. Even with my mask, they're starting to become regular again. After last night's, I am legitimately beginning to fear something is psychologically wrong with me. Like, I cried to my mom. Do you like the smell of gasoline? Ugh, no. It gives me a headache. Have you lost contact with anyone you wish you haven’t? Many people. Did you give anyone his/her first kiss? No. Should you ever have gone to the hospital but didn’t? Vice versa? No. Who do you miss the most? Jason. What do you miss the most? Being happy. What is your birthstone? Do you have any jewelry with it? Amethyst. I have a really cute guardian angel pin with one given to me by my grandmother. What is the last dream you remember having? Last night was... awful. I remember Mom and I getting in a MASSIVE fight, and also literally yelling at my late beloved dog something about crushing his head in if he didn't stop barking. Like I mentioned earlier, I'm really scared something is really wrong with me. Have you had a church confirmation, bar/bat mitzvah, or something similar? Growing up Roman Catholic, I had a Confirmation ceremony. What was the last baby animal you saw? I wanna say a puppy on Facebook. A friend just got one.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''hotel california'' by the eagles

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toby-35 · 3 years

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I'm gonna get a bit personal here. So... if you dont wanna read it. Scroll on. :)

So, I'll be honest. I havent been well. Mentally and Physically.

Mentally I've been really depressed. I didnt wanna accept it as 'being depressed' but that's what it is and I need to accept it. I've been mentally elsewhere, I havent been honest with anyone with how I'm feeling at all. The 'Just got a little anxious' was more than just what it was, I never truly accepted what was happening because i didnt want to belive it, I wanted to belive I was fine, that I was okay, I just hid my emotions completely, like... I put on a brave face so I didnt have to talk about it.

I havent spoken about my life in depth to anyone at all, you guys probably just think I'm just 'some person who spams everything that they like' which yeah, is true, but it's a coping mechanism, as I'm sure many people do the same thing.

I dont know where I am in life. Honestly. I have no goals. I take life day by day because that's all I can handle. Of course I have dreams of stuff that I want (dont we all?) I just dont have a plan, I've got no job ideas, I'm not going onto more education, and I'm literally stuck as everyone is asking "What are your plans for the future?" "You are going to University arent you?" Etc.

Another thing. I'm shit at making friends. (Lmao I know a lot of people are the same) Last year when I started college, I knew Nobody. Nobody at all. I refused to make friends. I just wanted to get the class done and leave. But one of the guys in my class was having none of it. Literally forced me to talk to him. Though I didn't spend my time with anyone during my breaks. I genuinely just went to a coffee shop for 2/3 hours alone. Yeah i had the peeps in my class but i hated talking/interacting with people. (I still kinda do) but now, a year on, new people in my class, I'm probably the most 'open' person in that class. And by that i mean, i can talk to people easier.

Physically. I'm sick and in pain most of the time. I have tablets to help me with being sick but now they've stopped working and I cant go to the doctors (with everything currently going on in the world) so I've been 'coping' by physically restraining myself from doing anything. I will sit in my bed all day watching tv and doing nothing else. Which is also due to my depression.

I already have really bad back/knee pain due to injury a few years ago. So that's constantly stopping me from doing a lot as it is super painful.

Now with the risk of the pandemic I cant go and see my friends. I literally depended on that to get me out of the house, now with not being able to do that. I've not only not seen them in months I've lost touch and fallen out with most of them. So I literally have no one to go and see to cheer me up.

I wanna say thank you to those that have recently become my friends. I genuinely appreciate you so much and I worry about you on the daily. You know who you are. I LOVE YOU.

I just want to say that I know everyone probably goes through this but I just needed to vent and share my story.

-TheMysticGay

#im not okay #themysticgay #personal #im probably gonna sound a bit like a vulcan here XD #plz dont hate me #the truth hurts #im sorry but i had to say how i feel #i sad #sad tmg

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juneviews · 4 years

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Hey !

I don't know if you can relate to what I'm about to say but I don't really have anyone to vent about this. You don't have to answer this ask if you don't want to, I just didn't think of anywhere else to send this (I also think that it would be better if you don't answer, dunno if you want this kind of stuff on your blog or not).

Have you ever felt so worn out and sad that you completely lose the interest you had in everything that once made you happy? I have severe depression&anxiety and I'm giving up things I never thought I would give up on and I can't really say I have felt any kind of genuine happiness or even sadness for the past 5 months or so. I just feel empty and tired all the time. I still live with my parents and have a good relationship with them but they have this really destructive view of the future that in most cases blocks every kind of optmistic thought I have left in my mind and heart. I haven't been to a therapist or psychiatrist for months now so I can't really say that I'm even trying to change. I'm only giving up more day by day, waiting for a miracle to happen that would make me feel a little better for whatever reason, because if it doesn't happen I really don't know what will stop me from giving up completely.

I'm so so so sorry for sending you this, but I really don't have anyone to talk to and the tiniest chance I have from you to end up not answering it makes me a lot more calm about the situation. At least I could be honest to myself about what I'm feeling for once. Writing it on my phone's Notes for the 100th time wouldn't make me feel better. Again, I'm very sorry.

hi anon, I hope you don’t mind me answering this ask as I was extremely moved by it. (if you want me to remove it though you can send me another ask & I’ll do so.) first of all I feel a lot that you decided to send this ask to me in particular. I can truly empathize with you bc from september 2019 to july 2020 I was severely depressed & this shit fucking SUCKS. I lost all my creative ability, all my motivation, and at some point I was just... surviving. so I do know exactly what you’re feeling as I’ve been struggling in & out of depression since I was 17. I’m not a therapist & I don’t know if I can help you much, but just know that I’m with you. like, I hope with all my heart that you can get out of this shitty situation bc I know how hopeless it feels. I hope you can talk to your parents & explain to them that they need to chill on the pessimism & instead cheer you up as much as they can. start planning small things on a to-do list that make you feel like you’re achieving things. but mostly take it easy on yourself. try to love yourself as much as you can, even if it’s just only a little bit rn. just know that there is a future coming & you gotta fight for it to be as good as you can make it. susu & I’m sending you all of my love anon <3

xxx

#answers #this message hit really close to home :(#hope you & I can get better anon!

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intruality-overlord · 4 years

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Why Are We (Best) Friends?

Warnings: excessive swearing, alcoholism, mentions of drugs, drug use, suggestive humor, implied sexual content (no smut), some gore descriptions. Generally, Remus stuff.

Taglist: @blogging-time @veraisnotfine @littlestr @jessibbb @broken-pens @hi-its-tutty @idkanameatall @moxiety--sanders101 @theyluna-womoon

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the taglist! Updates every Wednesday/Thursday. Get ready for fighting...

Chapter Five: Fuck You

The Present.

“How much do you remember?” Remus nagged the next morning as Patton bustled around his room getting dressed.

“I wasn’t black out drunk!” Patton retaliated, “I remember everything.” Patton wasn’t, and he’ll say it again, not a lightweight. No. Not that the thought offended him in any way shape or form. “I mean, it’s fuzzy, but still,” he mumbled into his shirt as he pulled it off over his head.

“So… Logan knows and now probably the others…” Remus clutched the rumpled bed sheets, his eyes stretched wide to accommodate all his stress. Waiting for the floorboards to open their jaws and swallow him, chew and spit him out again, he stared at it expectantly. He’d rather bleed to death from splintery teeth than deal with this right now, and he wouldn’t have to if he resembled mashed potatoes. This fucking stress. This guilt.

“I’m over thirty years old! It’s normal, having a drink with a friend!” Patton dismissed with a wave of his hand, swatting Remus’s very real, very valid concerns away. Not entirely unusual. That is, if they were talking about something as trivial as why Mother Nature created hyenas the way she did. Poor things, childbirth was already messy enough.

“They shouldn’t be so shocked. Now where’s my—” Patton whisked around the room looking for a change of clothes, and Jesus, he needed to clean his room. He found his one clean polo wedged behind his wardrobe. Remus thought he was entirely too concerned about clothes when everything had been fundamentally fucked up yesterday. Clothes were overrated, anyway.

“Why did you…?” Remus couldn’t help but ask. Trying to make sense of things was a new hobby of his. He was still an amateur. Patton pulled his fresh polo on, and Remus tried to ask again hoping he’d succeed with one less distraction.

“Why did you admit we’re friends to Logan?”

Patton just looked at him like he was crazy. Crazier than he thought. “Because we are? I had just been talking about how I need to stop pretending we're not friends. Do you really think I’d go back on my word so quickly?” He said incredulously. “Hey, I think I left my hoodie under the bed again. Could you pass it?”

Remus did retrieve the garment from beneath the bed, checking there were no cobwebs or spiders on it. Then he held it, frozen. Remus rivalled Virgil when it came to thinking of worst case scenarios, only Remus wasn’t normally scared by them. Now… Remus knew he’d someday ruin everything for Patton. Ruin it like he ruins everything. That’s what happens when you’re the embodiment of bad ideas. It’s not fun anymore when he’s ruining something, someone, he actually cares about.

He just wanted Patton to be happy…

Hands rested on his shoulders, comforting and solid. “Look at me,” Patton hushed. Remus did.

Since when did his eyes twinkle like that?

“I don’t regret it, Remus,” Patton said sternly. “I can’t afford to spend every sober moment regretting everything.” Patton smiled. “I want good memories, however few.” His eyes crinkled in that simple, rare way you’d hope to see well worn into his skin one day. That private smile was for Remus.

Patton gently took the hoodie and wrapped it around his shoulders like a cape. “I’m gonna need some tequila for this.”

Oh god.

(}ï{)

Now how was Patton supposed to break the news? He chickened out at breakfast, and he chickened out at lunch, now it was dinner. There was chicken on the table and no room for more than one. God, it felt like coming out of the closet all over again. Think, what would Remus do?

“I’m not a virgin,” Patton blurted.

Oh yes, very subtle.

Cutlery clattered and clanged combined with collective choked coughing.

That didn’t quite come across how he had wanted it to. Perhaps Patton was drunker than he thought and he didn’t need that extra liquid courage right before dinner after all. He had been aiming for tipsy, like usual, when he had taken a few shots this morning.

(He didn’t know how to get through a whole day entirely sober anymore. Wake up, get dressed, have a couple shots, brush your teeth, have breakfast— it was routine. When sober, he hardly had the energy to maintain his act, but when tipsy, he was just delirious enough for his insanity to come across as jovial joy.

Yes, that did mean Patton was living with a constant hangover.

And no, he could not find the strength to care.)

Perhaps he had overshot it with his nerves making him lose count.

All well, it served the same purpose.

Last time, anyway, Patton had just blurted that he thought guys were attractive, and it turned out fine. (Which went something along the lines of:

“Boys are hot.”

“Duh.”

“They are indeed glorious creatures.”

“I can confirm that that is a factual statement.”)

Why should it work any different this time?

Wait, why is no one saying anything?

Patton looked around at his fellow sides, and they all looked like they saw a creepy crawly death dealer sitting comfortably on his head.

“Did you hear me?”

As their brains caught up, Virgil and Roman both spluttered, “What?!” There was another brief silence before the information caught up to Logan, and he too followed with a small, “What?”

Bewildered, Virgil and Roman’s heads snapped around at Logan. “You mean— you didn’t…?”

“No,” Logan said, eyebrows furrowed. “I thought I dreamt what I saw yesterday,” Logan eventually said. All of the colour was drained from him. “Yeah, I know, so surprising how articulate I can be when I’m drunk,” Patton half joked defensively.

“Do you know what virgin even means, Patton?” Roman asked slowly, hoping this was one of Patton’s hilarious misunderstandings. Patton sighed. “It means someone who hasn’t had sex before. And I have. So I’m not,” he said, beginning to curl in on himself. He felt trapped like an insect enveloped in a water droplet, not strong enough to break the surface tension.

“With you always expecting me to be honest I wouldn’t have thought you’d be so surprised when I actually am,” Patton observed bitterly. Something about the mention of truthfulness struck a nerve in Virgil, resulting in a false epiphany. “Deceit?” Virgil said sceptically. The glare pressing on Patton made him feel like he nearly lost his footing despite not moving an inch.

“Wha— no, I'm not Janus!” Patton said incredulously. “Not that being Janus is a bad thing,” he added under his breath. Patton wouldn’t be offended to be compared to Janus under normal circumstances. However in this situation, he was put off by the negative connotations Virgil was associating with Janus.

“That sounds like something Deceit would say,” Roman mused.

“Oh, you want proof? Fine! Janus!” Patton summoned. A very discombobulated Janus appeared, much to the others’ surprise. “I know exactly what’s going on,” he lied.

“You are Janus, I am Patton, correct?” Patton snapped. “...No?” Janus said, utterly confused. Slightly scared too.

“See?” Patton pleaded. Meanwhile, Janus glanced around at everyone else’s faces screwed up in confusion and some other indecipherable glob of emotions Janus deemed safe to assume as anger. “Jesus, good luck,” he muttered to Patton, and he promptly sank out.

“We just never thought— you always were so pure—”

“Because that’s what was expected from me!” Patton heaved a breath, pushing back his tears. “I committed adultery! There! I said it— and no, I don’t mean adulthood,” he announced. Those words felt like screaming in a claustrophobic space. Stretching, stuffed into a suitcase, and feeling the unforgiving, unrelenting walls. It felt like breathing in the vacuum of space.

“I knew as soon as I broke that perfect, innocent image of me you have, you wouldn’t react well. And guess what? You’re acting exactly like I expected you to!” He screamed. With another sharp, trembly breath, he vented all his frustrations out to people other than Remus for the first time.

He lost it.

“You’ve always treated me like a fucking child even though I’m the oldest. Telling me to shut up and let the adults talk, and this is a grown up conversation, or oh, you wouldn’t get it Patton even. Always sheltering, patronising me as if I’m not over thirty fucking years old,” a lump formed in his throat. “I’m Thomas’s heart. Where do you think his feelings of lust come from?!” Miserable strings of choked back words wound up like a ball of yarn into an incomprehensible howl that tumbled out of Patton.

“When I learnt what repression means, it sounded like something that perhaps wasn’t the best thing for me to keep doing, an-and I thought you’d want me to stop. That you’d be happy for me if I did,” he whimpered.

“W-we did! We are!” Roman quickly jumped in. “It’s just… just not— you… um, listen Padre, uh we,” he faltered. Looking to Logan for guidance, they just found him lost in his head, eyebrows scrunched, grimacing.

“Hold on, if it wasn’t us then it had to have been a dark side,” Virgil finally realised. Roman gasped, and Logan grimaced harder.

“I’m also an alcoholic?” Patton said in an attempt to quickly distract. It distracted them alright, only their reactions were just as bad or worse. It sent them all into a senseless squabble.

“So there was no consent then?” Virgil spoke up, mildly horrified.

What the fuck did he just hear?

Jaw slacked, breath fumbling, all Patton could hear for a moment was his thudding heart before a feeble, “Of course there was,” escaped him. “I can think for myself I-I-I’m not a child I…” And he looked like he'd just been stabbed, they saw. Between his ribs, the knife twisted, locking the blade in and exuding pressure. Because no, they’re not letting his blood spill. Can’t have carpet stains now, can they?

“He must have been manipulating you. Making you valuable with— with drinking and taking advantage of you,” Virgil said, seeming almost concerned for him. “He’s a dark side, he can’t genuinely care about you. It’s the only explanation,” Roman agreed rather bluntly.

His ears must be broken.

Patton’s eyes glistened. “How could you say that?” The watery wimper scraped his throat. “He’s my friend.” Patton wouldn’t let a tear fall; he refused. Only his true friends were allowed to see him that valuable.

“This— this isn’t— please just listen, please! I just wanted to be more honest with you all, an-and I was hoping yo-you’d accept our friendship…” Patton finished lamely.

“He is a dark side, Patton,” they said. “We are your friends,” they said. “We are the ones who really care about you,” they said. Lying was wrong, they had said. Hypocrites.

Mouth helplessly clamped shut, his thoughts ricketed around his skull like a brick in a washing machine. He wouldn’t have had to resort to alcoholism if they hadn’t made him bottle his feelings. Remus would never hurt him, he’s a good friend! Patton has been by his side when Remus was so fucking high, he didn’t even recognise him, and not for one moment did he even consider hurting him in any way! Remus cares. Maybe this whole thing was one big mistake. Patton always belonged with the others, not Virgil. And if Virgil had already made the switch over, then it was his turn. Patton had thought, hey, maybe I’m wrong. They’re my friends; they love me. But he was wrong. Stupid, nieve Patton being wrong, who knew.

Remus wouldn’t treat him like this.

Reverting to his last resort, Patton pleaded, “How can Thomas love himself if he can’t accept himself? If you can’t accept us?”

Completely unmoved, they held up their hands to address him as a scared, dumb animal. Their voice tweaked into a tone used for gently scorning a toddler, “It’s okay, Patton. It’s not your fault he’s manipulated you. We can help. He doesn’t have to use you anymore, we can do this together—”

“F-fuck you. Fuck. You. Bastards.”

As he sunk down, Patton called back one last thing, “By the way, Roman.

I fucked your brother.”

(}ï{)

Why? Why, why, why, why, why— It’s all Logan could think the whole time. It just didn’t compute, no matter how valiantly he tried to understand. Why why why why why?!

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