#RELIGIOUS . TOTAL FAITH IN THE PROCESS

[alltoowille]

oh this is making me feel insane

#RELIGIOUS . TOTAL FAITH IN THE PROCESS #lisa ambjörn #this interview made my head feel full of bees #buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz #in like a good way #they’re worker bees i think #🐝🐝🐝

[seakicker]

hello i have returned w priest childe food

as ofc the reader is a naive nun, they had no idea what to do with this growing situation between their legs. in fact, reader believes that this was some sort of force was trying to tempt them away from their duties. considering how well they trust childe as he was the one who took them in, they go to him for help. little would they know, reader would end up bent over the podium, taking his massive cock over and over and over again while reciting a prayer of salvation that he deemed necessary for this ritual

yes yes yes, this indeed... it's easy to feed you lies when it comes to sex and intimacy when he's starting with a total blank slate. he doesn't have to go through the process of reversing or overriding what you already know when you don't know anything... he very well could convince you that children are made when two people who love each other hold hands lmfao

cw: afab + gn reader, reader is a nun and childe is the head priest. religious themes/talk, emotional manipulation, reader is Desperate for approval, dubious consent (reader consents but because of the idea of "i need to do this" rather than active sexual desire), abuse of power/authority, no foreplay/childe pushes into you when you're kinda dry

also crossposted to ao3 if you prefer to read content there.

It is not within a nun’s line of duty to indulge.

Your tiny little monastery bedroom is noticeably devoid of any furniture or decorations beyond your bed, desk, dresser, and bedside book compiling all of the church’s values and teachings in their service to the Tsaritsa. You get by with only what you must; you don’t waste your money on frivolous, unnecessary items to enhance your appearance or show off any sort of social standing. You sustain yourself with simple, basic foods like potato soup and bread; any food item more fanciful would be better either gifted to the homeless or to the Tsaritsa Herself as an offering. 

If you have the money to throw at purchases of expensive clothing, fine dining, or fancy interior decorations, then you have the money to donate to the church or otherwise put to better use than downright wasting it on yourself. 

Just as it is not their duty to indulge in the more tangible pleasures of mankind, a nun needn’t concern themselves with relationships outside of that of the one between them and the Tsaritsa. Needless to say, romantic and sexual relationships are explicitly forbidden— such depraved encounters only serve as distractions from your one true duty: your service to the Tsaritsa. 

Save for the Archon Herself, no figure has been more vital to the development and enhancement of your faith in the Tsaritsa and Her kindness, loyalty to the Greater Cathedral of Snezhnaya as a gesture of gratitude for all the kindness it has blessed you with, and insistence on always being the best representation of Her you can be than the monastery’s head priest Tartaglia. 

It’s hard to remember anything of note from your life prior to joining the Church— Tartaglia took you in about two years ago out of the goodness of his own heart as a member of the clergy; he mentioned that he is but a vessel for the Tsaritsa’s divine kindness and that it is his duty as a direct representative of her to pay that kindness forward. Turning his back on a destitute, helpless being, someone created in the Tsaritsa’s own image at that— you’re just as much a creation of Her as he is—like yourself at the time would have gone against everything the Church stands for. 

A whispered promise to deliver you from the vices and horrors of man and into the warm, loving embrace of the Tsaritsa was all it took for you to accept Tartaglia’s invitation to the Church. You would have accepted any offer of food and shelter at that time— whether or not it was simply luck or divine fate that it was Tartaglia who found you, cold and ill and alone, is beyond your comprehension. As far as you’re concerned, it’s both— who alive could show you more kindness than Tartaglia has throughout the past two years?

In addition to his otherworldly kindness, Tartaglia has shown you no shortage of patience since he took you in and insisted to personally teach you in the gospel of the Tsaritsa and personally train you in all the duties of a good, faithful nun. His affectionate nickname of “little lamb” has stuck with you ever since he first called you a lost one: a wayward, helpless, lost little lamb in dire need of the Tsaritsa’s— and his— guiding hand. He dressed you in the warm, soft dress and robes customary of all nuns, a massive upgrade from the tattered, worn clothes he found you in. When he had asked you if they fit your body comfortably, you didn’t tell him that they felt a little tight around your bust or your hips— beggars can’t be choosers, and all of his teachings of gratitude and thankfulness would go to waste were you to have the audacity to complain about a brand-new, clean, fresh outfit, wouldn’t they? Who on Tsaritsa’s green planet would even dream of complaining about anything when they previously had nothing?

You know better. Even if you didn’t know better before, you certainly do now— Tartaglia’s gentle guidance has taught you at least that much.

“Little lamb,” Tartaglia calls, resting a hand over yours as you go to flip a page in the Scripture book you’re holding. A chronicle of the Tsaritsa’s historical feats and accomplishments in addition to her dream for all of Snezhnaya, rather all of Teyvat, serves as the basis for the Church’s teachings, and Tartaglia personally ensures that you don’t fall behind on your readings by meeting with you every Monday evening. The desolate silence of the Cathedral after hours serves as the location for these studies— it allows you to immerse yourself in the grandiosity and significance of the Cathedral while you read. 

He clears his throat and repeats himself. “Little lamb, stay focused.” 

You smile sheepishly like a child caught sneaking a treat. “I’m sorry,” you offer, glancing over at Tartaglia’s gloved hand resting on your bare one.

He hums. “Something on your mind?” 

Ah. He’s always been able to see right through you— whereas someone else may have just concluded that you were growing bored of reading after having done so for three hours straight, Tartaglia deduces that your mind is elsewhere. He deduces not that you’re bored of the Tsartisa’s divine accomplishments because you’re a good, dutiful, dignified nun who would never, ever tire of hearing of Her feats. He can confidently assert that you’re everything a nun representing the Tsaritsa should be because he personally taught you everything you know.

Your cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. Allowing your mind to wander when you should be focusing on Her teachings is mortifying enough, but being caught daydreaming by Tartaglia is leagues more humiliating. “It’s nothing, I promise. Surely nothing more deserving of my attention than our studies.”

Tartaglia hums again as if he’s in thought then moves to close your book, resting his hand on the front cover. “Well, if it’s important enough to distract you from our readings, then it has to be worth hearing out, right?”

You didn’t think of it that way. Finally forcing yourself to make eye contact with him, you take a deep breath to steady yourself and begin speaking. “It’s embarrassing, really,” you force a shaky laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood… or maybe it’s to distract you from the fact that the useless, wasteful wandering of your mind just caused Tartaglia to end your lessons early. 

“It’s just that I…” Your voice grows quieter and quieter the more you attempt to speak. 

Tartaglia leans in closer, giving your hand a reassuring squeeze. “You can say it, little lamb.” 

“It’s humiliating, truly,” you finally continue. “But recently I… I’ve been having thoughts in need of purging, sir. M-More frequently than usual— they’ve only grown in frequency and intensity since our last cleansing.”

Thoughts in need of purging or, in other words, sexual thoughts that you’ve been taught to never, ever indulge because nuns do not indulge in lust. At first, the thoughts were infrequent enough to the point where you could effortlessly ignore them— even just the slightest distraction buried these thoughts completely. You could opt to sweep the Cathedral or tidy up your quarters and the thoughts would be gone just like that. 

The timeline gets fuzzier the more you attempt to recall it, but you guess that those thoughts first appeared about three months or so following when Tartaglia first took you in. You didn’t actually confess them until about six months into your mentorship under him, and he was quick to offer you a method to truly purge— not just suppress— your mind and heart of these lustful thoughts. 

However, those thoughts have yet to be truly purged. You must be broken— the thoughts have only increased exponentially following each and every cleansing session; whenever you and Tartaglia finish, your thoughts only grow more intense than before and you find yourself caught between the shame of confessing your moral degradation and the guilt of living silently with your thoughts. The idea of confessing that despite all Tartaglia’s patience and kindness with you and the cleansing rituals, your thoughts have only grown lewder and darker and nastier… how would that make you look? How could you ever look him in the eye and tell him that you fear you’re getting worse despite all his attempts to help you get better? 

Despite your internal conflict, you always, always confessed— you’ve probably had about seven of your private cleansing sessions with Tartaglia now. He taught you to never keep sins a secret, whether you actually acted on them or not. 

He doesn’t say anything for a moment— the minute of silence feels like thirty years and you begin to brace yourself for the firm scolding you deserve rather than the warm understanding he continues to undeservingly spoil you with. You wouldn’t be upset if he were to reprimand you or punish you for your incessant sinning— it’s what you deserve more than you deserve even an ounce of his kindness. 

That scolding never comes, however, and once those metaphorical thirty years have passed, he clears his throat, removes his hand from yours, and leans back in his seat. “I understand, little lamb. I’m glad you’re being honest about it.”

“Hey, look at me,” he coaxes. You didn’t even really notice that your gaze fell down to your lap rather than looking up at him until this request; surely it would have been more polite and sincere of you to look him in the eye while confessing the depths of your sins. 

“I’m sorry,” you rasp, hesitantly (and finally) looking him in the eye per his request. “I’m so sorry, sir. You’ve been doing so much to help me curb these thoughts and they still… I still…” 

He shushes you with a soft shh, taking your hand in his once more and smoothing his thumb over the back of your hand. “Sweetheart, it’s my job to help you and guide you. You know that. If I were the type to give up on you for failing once or twice or even a hundred times, what kind of mentor would I be? Little lamb, our cleansing sessions are important to me because I can see that you’re improving.” 

His kindness knows no bounds. Whereas he could have chosen to curse you or damn you for your incessant lustful thoughts, he instead expressed patience and understanding. 

Because Tartaglia is a kind, patient, and understanding man. 

“I guess that means another session is in order, huh, little lamb?” Tartaglia prompts you, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. “We’ll continue our readings tomorrow once you’re… less distracted.” 

You laugh hesitantly, having been reminded of the utter humiliation of interrupting your weekly readings before you finished them by being too busy having lustful thoughts instead. You slowly rise to your feet and make your way over to the center podium where Tartaglia conducts all of his sermons— your cleansing rituals always take place right here because it’s, in his words, the holiest place in the entire monastery. 

You’re mortified. Humiliated. Here you are, a stupid wench of a nun who can’t seem to learn how to properly behave despite all of Tartaglia’s attempts at helping you. How long will you continue to test his patience, reverse his efforts, and take advantage of his kindness? When will you ever, ever learn? 

The sound of Tartaglia’s chair sliding against the cool marble floor alerts you that he’s ready to begin as well. He makes his way over to you and stands just behind you, a strong hand settling reassuringly on your hip through the thin cotton of your floor-length standard dress. 

He chuckles in a manner you’ve never heard from him before. There’s an unsettling sort of darkness in the way he laughs, his right hand gripping your hip and the left seizing hold of your chin to turn your head slightly towards him. Were you in the position to even dream of questioning him, you would probably find yourself unnerved by the sound— but you are in no position to doubt the man who’s shown you nothing but kindness since the day he met you. When you’re a lowly, sinful, wasteful little nun, you don’t have the right to doubt a man leagues more powerful, wiser, and well-versed in the Tsaritsa’s teachings than you are. 

These are not the depraved cackles of a man outside of the Church’s influence staking claim on a pliant, unwitting toy. Tartaglia would never steer you wrong, he would never do anything outside of your best interests as an aspiring member of the Church, he would never hurt you. 

Because Tartaglia is a kind, patient, and understanding man. 

He caresses your chin and hums a hymn you recognize from his sermons. “I must admit,” he whispers, gazing at you with an expression you couldn’t begin to decipher— it’s some mix of rueful bitterness, anticipation, and sadism. “I’ve been guiding you for two years now, and to see progress this slow… it does make me wonder if you’ll ever learn,” Tartaglia breathes against your lips, grinning salaciously in a way wholly unbefitting of a priest. “It’d be wrong of me to deem one of the Tsaritsa’s subjects a lost cause, but…”

Chuckling again, he releases your chin from his grip and traces a thumb up the swell of your cheek. Is he checking for tears? “But you?” He finally continues. “I’m starting to wonder if you’re even able to be redeemed. If it’s gotten to the point where you can’t even focus on your usual readings… maybe you’re just not cut out for this sort of thing, huh?”

Practically immediately following the last syllable that leaves Tartaglia’s mouth, a pained gasp escapes you and your eyes go wide with a sort of frantic horror. “No! Please, no, I’ll do— I’ll do anything!” Tears threaten to spill from your eyes as you beg him, plead him, implore him to help you— you really, truly would do anything to remain in the Tsaritsa’s— no, in his— good graces. 

He says nothing when you drop to your knees before him in a desperate display of submission, clumsily knocking one of your feet against the base of the podium. A tear falls from your eye and you don’t stop your body from throwing itself at his feet, clinging to the sweeping skirts of his robes like a lifeline. “Please, sir,” you wail pathetically, sobbing and sobbing and sobbing as if your filthy, self-victimizing tears will wash away the grime of your sins. 

While not undeserved even in the slightest nor totally unexpected, his sudden cruelty has you feeling more terrified than anything you’ve ever experienced in your life. Has he finally run out of patience? Has the dutiful, kind, intelligent Tartaglia who took you in when you didn’t have even a single mora to your name grown fed up with your stagnating progress? Have you gone backwards despite all the sessions you’ve gone through with him? Is he beginning to view his decision to take you in as a mistake? Is he going to brand your salvation a fruitless endeavor, forsake you, and throw you back out onto the streets of which he first plucked you from?

No. You won’t let that happen. He’s given you so much and you won’t let all of his time and efforts go to waste— you will improve. You will not simply indulge in his kindness while keeping it from changing your heart; you will take his teachings and allow yourself to be born anew as the spitting image of a follow of the Tsartisa. 

“Please forgive me,” you wail weakly, throat already feeling hoarse. With your mind gone and your desperation controlling your body’s autopilot feature, you bury your face in the fabric of his robe and continue to cry and cry and cry. 

Unbeknownst to you, Tartaglia smiles. 

“I forgive you,” he notes simply. “But you’re not trying to earn my forgiveness, are you? You’ll need to work for Her forgiveness if you’d like to really show me what a sweet, dutiful nun you can be. 

I forgive you, he said. You suck in a shaky breath and do your best to quiet your body-wracking sobs into tiny, pitiful hiccups and coughs instead. Tartaglia looks down at you with all the empathy of a stranger passing a wounded animal on the street and you buckle against him, your arms wrapping around his legs. 

“Let’s not waste any more time, alright?” Tartaglia says with a grin, prompting you to bashfully apologize again and clumsily rise to your feet. He doesn’t need to ask you to bend yourself over the podium because you know the process plenty well by now— the cleansing ritual involves partaking in behavior nuns are typically required to swear off, so if that fact alone doesn’t inform you of the desperation of the whole situation, nothing will. If Tartaglia deems it fit to break your vow of celibacy— and you would never even dream of questioning the logic behind this— in order to purge you of your sins, then you’ll accept no matter what. 

He hums in approval at your obedience. You catch on quickly… it’s a shame that you don’t truly internalize his teachings and learn quickly. 

“It’s okay, little lamb,” he reassures you, gently clutching your dress and lifting the fabric slowly until he’s exposed your ass to the cool Cathedral air. “You’ll do well tonight— just as you always do, right?”

You will. You’ll do so well tonight. You’ll behave and perform better than you ever have because you need to— it’s one thing to mess up your first time and a whole different thing to mess up your eighth time. You won’t let Tartaglia’s guidance go to waste, you won’t allow yourself to go to waste so long as he sees potential in you, and you won’t give up as long as Tartaglia continues to view you worthy of molding, changing, and shaping into the ideal nun. 

It’ll be okay. 

It’ll be okay. 

It’ll be okay. 

Slowly working your white panties down your thighs, Tartaglia gently parts your legs wider by knocking his foot against your ankles, all but kicking you open to give him some room to work with. You don’t feel as wet this time as you have in past sessions… does that mean your body’s ridding itself of all your sin and lust? He taught you that wetness is a sign of your body’s cravings, and if you’re no longer growing wet… that’s a good thing, right? The thought alone fills you with hope that you are not, in fact, a lost cause. 

The initial push of Tartaglia’s cock into your entrance hurts. You don’t deduce that it’s because you’re not all that wet this time— no, you decide that it’s because your sins are finally leaving your body and because nothing worth having ever comes easily. The pain is a sign that the ritual’s working as far as you’re concerned… and you breathe a shaky sigh of relief amidst your whimpers of pain as he continues to push inch after inch of himself into you. 

“Thank you,” you wheeze as your body attempts to relax around him. “Thank you for taking pity on me and… guiding me.” Just as you bent over his podium without being asked, you clasp your hands together in prayer before Tartaglia can ask you to— if you want to show him how obedient and receptive to his teachings you can be, it’s now or never. 

It hurts, but you don’t complain. Why would you ever complain when he’s trying to help you? Why would you complain when this is surely your body’s way of notifying you that your sins are leaving it?

“There you go,” Tartaglia grunts, cursing under his breath because you’re so fucking tight— he’ll have to remind himself that you’re not really one he can skip foreplay with, especially not when you’re this much of a wreck. “I knew you could do it, little lamb. I’ve always believed in you, you know. I’ve always thought that you’re special.” 

You barely have the mental capacity or rationality to compare these praises to his prior comments about you potentially being a lost cause. 

Your body adapts quickly enough— the stress of the somewhat dry entrance causes your body to quickly overcompensate, producing enough juices as possible in a limited timeframe in order to allow Tartaglia a relatively comfortable slide in and out of your pussy. He figures that nerves are to blame (or thank, in his case?) for your sudden insane tightness, your pussy squeezing up so tight he can barely manage to pull out. Oh sweet Tsaritsa, he thinks with a sleazy grin. This sort of nun is the best there is. 

“Your prayers, little lamb,” Tartaglia reminds you, grinning when you gasp out another apology for being so pitifully forgetful. It’s a prayer he himself wrote just for this occasion; just for you— that should prove the depths of his love and concern for you enough, right?

Nodding your head in understanding, you bow your head down to hang between your arms. “My Royal Highness, the divine Tsaritsa,” you begin quietly, crying out for Tartaglia when he blesses you with a thrust so deep you feel it all the way in your belly. “I plead for Your forgiveness. Forgive my transgressions and pardon my sins. Though I—” 

A moan of Tartaglia’s name falls from your lips and cuts your prayer short. Your priest seizes hold of your hips and all but jackhammers into you from behind, slaps resounding throughout the empty Cathedral as you pitifully attempt to complete your prayer amidst the sinful, sinful pleasure Tartaglia’s drowning you in. 

“Though I,” you repeat yourself, starting the sentence from the top. “Though I may be imperfect, and though I may act in ways unbefitting of a pupil of Yours, I beg for Your forgiveness.”

Another hard thrust has you faltering, and you fight off your instinct to unclasp your hands from their prayer position and grab at the podium for stability. Tartaglia’s hands grip your hips harder and harder to the point where you swear you can feel his fingernails through the fabric of his gloves.

“I vow to always act in a way befitting of Your image.” You squeeze your hands together so hard they begin to shake, your breath coming to you only in staccato gasps and strained whimpers. “Amen.” 

As you finish your prayer, Tartaglia hums in approval from behind you and rubs his hand over your ass in a soothing gesture. “There you go,” he praises. “You did such a wonderful job. I told you that you grow better and better the more sessions we have… perhaps we should make these part of our weekly routine rather than sticking to a case-by-case basis, hm?”

Whatever it takes to reach salvation and prove yourself to him. He’s such a busy, busy man and him taking time out of his schedule to read Scripture with you is already more than you deserve, and here he is, offering to cleanse you of your sins weekly and keep you at your absolute purest. 

Would it be sacrilegious to claim that Tartaglia’s kindness surpasses that of even the Tsaritsa Herself? 

#tw religion #tw manipulation #tw dubcon #tw abuse #tw abuse of authority #tartaglia x reader #childe x reader #tartaglia smut #childe smut #genshin smut #genshin impact smut #genshin impact x reader #genshin x reader #priest childe #juju bakery #ajax x reader #ajax smut #genshin reader insert #genshin impact reader insert #childe x you #tartaglia x you #genshin x you #genshin impact x you

[viviennevermillion]

Mortals and Fools — First Look #1 (Coming Soon)

Want to read a SFW coming-of-age fantasy novel with evil gods, two adult aspec protagonists and magic? Consider supporting this project!

Author's Note: After a total of 8 years of posting fanfiction on this account, I am excited to announce that I am finally starting my first long-term original work as an author! Goal is to get this series published as an actual novel but until then, I will be uploading chapters online as I write them, hopefully building an audience in the process! Mortals and Fools will be available on Wattpad and potentially other platforms. The first 4 chapters will be uploaded to Tumblr as well. Over the next few weeks I will keep uploading promo posts with new characters and more info! Thank you so much to everyone who has supported me as a writer over the years and welcome to everyone who's new here!

Summary: In the land of Elsthess, brilliant but arrogant Dr. Immanuel Faust is doing his best to follow the teachings of the Goddess of Wisdom, live up to his late grandmother's expectations and hide the fact that he has been seeing strange, mystical apparitions all his life. When his pupil becomes afflicted with an ancient curse and the things he has seen turn out to be more than just hallucinations, Immanuel must forge a contract with Morgan, a being from another realm who's ready to humble him at every turn, and learn his religion's most despised art: magic. As he steps outside of the simple world he has grown up in, he slowly comes to realize that there is much more to learn for him still.

Themes:

The Meaning of Wisdom & Growth

Unlearning harmful narratives and prejudices

Religious Trauma

Healing from Abuse

Rebuilding trust in others

Learning to understand others

Navigating radical changes during adulthood

Elitism and class inequality

The problems with the ideal of meritocracy

Queerplatonic & Alterous Attraction

Addiction

Gender Dysphoria

What this story contains:

A variety of fun magical powers!

Evil Gods & Forces from other Realms!

Queer rep! (demisexual & aroace protagonists, a trans man and a wlw couple)

Mysteries to unravel

The coming-of-age fantasy adventures you're used to from YA novels but with characters in their 20s and struggles of adulthood

Humor

My blood, sweat and tears as an author

The Cast: Introducing 3 Characters

Here's some info on the three characters in the header, from left to right!

#1 — Dr. Immanuel Icarus Faust

❝ It wasn't supposed to be like this... I've failed... as both a doctor and a man of faith. I wanted to follow your teachings, dear Goddess, and guide those who seek wisdom and knowledge, as grandmother did... but I couldn't even save one innocent girl. Have I become godless? ❝

Raised by his grandmother, the High Priestess of Solbrynn's temple, Immanuel was taught from an early age on to aspire to be the best in everything he attempted to do and dedicate his life to wisdom, in order to make the Goddess Adira proud. Having become a renowned physician at the age of 28, Immanuel understands himself as his kingdom's ideal of a self-made man: a scholar who can achieve everything he puts his mind to, no matter the circumstances. As a result, he has put himself on a pedestal, believing that those who achieved less than him had all the chances and merely didn't use them. Fearing nothing more than failure and becoming anything like his absent, alcoholic father; Immanuel is bound for a rude awakening.

#2 — Morgan Miralaith

❝ While you were having your existential crisis in the mad scientist laboratory you call your bedroom, I took the liberty to read your grandmother's diary. The good news is, I finally understand where all the hubris comes from. ❝

Morgan, belonging to a long-lived species from the realm of Calliah, is the second-in-command for the Elsthess Resistance against the Plague Avatars. While the Resistance on Mhorunn regards her as a capable leader and a skilled fighter; using fire magic to blaze her way to victory; it is clear to most that she has many secrets and ulterior motives. She cares about others in her own way, yet hardly lets anyone close to her. With her mischievous demeanor and cynical nature, Morgan has made it her new mission to recruit Immanuel for the Resistance and, while at it, shatter his very distorted self-image and worldview. Upon forging a contract with her, Immanuel believes that he has sold his soul to a demon. It is only upon meeting others of her kind that he realizes that really is just her personality.

#3 — Mortis Grimm

❞ People reject that which is foreign to them. You of all people should know this. Still, my personal aspirations and origins are of no concern to you. Remember that. ❝

While there are several people from the Realm of Calliah in Elsthess, the realm that Mortis Grimm originated from is unknown. He seems to be the only one of his kind and there is something sinister about him. Wielding powerful magic that matches no other in recorded nature, Mortis, despite being the leader of the Resistance, is a big mystery to all of its members. Usually donning a Plague Doctor mask, Morgan is among the few to have seen his face. He is Mhorunn's greatest ally, but hardly a trusted one. Most understand that he could just as well become its greatest enemy one day.

Interested in reading more and receiving updates as they're posted? Comment on this post and tell me if you'd like to be added to the taglist! Reblogs are appreciated to spread the word! 💞

Taglist — @gwaaaaar @silveryloneliness @noxochicoztliv @justletmeon12 @averytirednerd @letsallsleepoverwork @styrofauxm @non-pressurizeddiamond @mangoinacan13 @amateurmasksmith @kenobiblue @soru-dee @pictures-of-the-stars @elf-osamu @animusicnerd @jaytherat-hometothereblog @watcherofeternalflame

#fantasy novel #aroace #ace representation #aroace representation #demisexual #indie author #webnovel #wattpad #author #writing #authorblr #writers of tumblr #writers on tumblr #indie fantasy #novel promo

[columboscreens]

I hope it isnt rude or presumptuous of me to barge in and vent, but I'd love to hear your thoughts on Columbos family. I just finished "no time to die" and I can't get over how bad that episode was. Maybe its me and my headcanons getting in the way but No Way is he from a family of cops. And not a single one of them sounds like they're Italian or new yorkers the blasphemy! To me that mans from an Jewish immigrant family, and proud of it.

combined with:

yeah the whole "family of cops" thing in no time to die came off as cheesy, contrived 90s copaganda, so i just kind of ignore it. it's hardly canon, so feel free to do the same! i picture columbo with a big, loud, italian family myself, in which he's just about the only cop.

I will say though, i actually totally agree that he comes off as more jewish than not. columbo is, in canon, a good little italian boy married to a catholic woman, so the natural assumption is that he, too, is catholic. but peter falk was a very organic, naturalistic actor--as a student of sanford meisner, his primary acting imperative was to live and behave truthfully to the self under imaginary circumstances. so for someone who was barely religious himself in the way "cultural jews" tend to be...

what i'd pay to hear the words "had the fuckin bar mitzvah'" come out of that man's mouth

...to me, falk's "truthful self" is just so jewish to his core that, because he puts so much of himself into the character, it bleeds clean through to columbo, and we get all these jewish mannerisms out of the supposed catholic! (jews, of course, have a rich and historic presence in italy, so there's no preclusion on that front.)

once you notice the little things, you can't stop. his phrasings, his gestures, the ways he interacts with others, his boiled eggs, his gastrointestinal sensitivity, even his sense of humor.

chag pesach sameach

there are, of course, more substantial pieces of evidence than ordering chinese food for his extended family or needing an antacid every time he eats too quickly. i'm not jewish myself, but i grew up in a very jewish neighborhood, had more jewish than gentile friends growing up, and my partner of seven years is jewish. to me, what really codes columbo as a jewish man is how well he embodies many aspects of specifically jewish ethos.

being honorable, sensitive, and humble, he's the ideal mensch. one tenet strongly prioritized in judaism is tzedek, or one's ethical obligation to righteousness, equity, and compassion. he is both moved by suffering and tenaciously committed to justice.

jews hold the deepest respect for both religious and civil law, and you will note that columbo is neither an outsider nor a vigilante--he is a sanctioned agent of the legal system respecting and following the process of the law in his pursuit of murderers. he functions within it, sometimes in spite of it, but not outside of it. when he gets creative, he toes, but never quite crosses the line.

he thinks for himself and thus has a strong moral compass; he treats everyone with kindness and empathizes readily with individual struggle. he is patient, courageous, and clever--all particularly valued qualities in judaism.

(rakish semitic looks aside)

paramount is columbo's intellectual curiosity, love of learning, and propensity to question, which is, too, seen as fundamental to a faith built entirely on asking questions. whether he's gently yet methodically poking holes in a suspect's alibi or wondering how much a random stranger paid for his shoes, he never has a shortage of them. he's a little guy bursting with chutzpah, perfectly at home both asking a prime suspect if he can have a closer look at his hand, and God Himself to spare sodom and gomorrah if he can only find a few good people...

if you really needed any further evidence that he's God's Chosen...

#columbo #ask #longpost #excerpt is from rolling stone #the most crucial game #a stitch in crime #the evidence pile for jewish columbo is big enough to require a sherpa to summit #he's just a little mensch!

[amazonworrier]

Any chance for snixmas we can have head cannons of santana and quinn in the future and how their jobs intersect with their relationship?

Merry Snixxmas!

*Since there are sooooooooooo many possible Quinntana futures out there I’m going with a personal fave: Publicist Santana and Author Quinn get together as adults after not seeing each other for like ten years. I also made this up as I went along & accidentally spun it into a mini fic rather than just HCs which is totally not what you asked for sorry sorry sorry…

Their jobs are actually how they reconnect again. Sort of. Santana’s at an event for one of her clients (asshole actor) and Quinn happens to be dating said asshole actor. Santana does not realise this at the time, because the actor is an asshole and failed to tell his publicist he was dating someone new (a famously devout Christian author, at that!) before bringing her to a highly publicised industry event. It’s a whole thing. Quinntana end up squabbling in front of the press and a picture of them yelling at each other makes the tabloids.

They meet up to do damage control. Asshole actor (let’s call him Adam) is a no-show. Quinn is impressed by Santana’s entourage of assistants and how far she’s come in the ten years since they lost touch. Santana reluctantly admits the same of Quinn, even if she’s not buying the whole ‘born-again’ religious thing. Quinn neither confirms nor denies that she’s using her religion to make a name for herself as a writer. They make peace once Santana explains why she reacted the way she did, make a plan to manage the bad press, then end up going out to lunch afterwards to catch up.

The plan goes out the window immediately when another photo of them at lunch makes the tabloids - specifically, of them hugging goodbye for a little longer than they probably should’ve. Speculation abounds for different reasons this time…

Adam is not happy. He tries to fire Santana over it, which gets her into trouble with the higher ups because he’s a major account. She goes to his house to make amends but Quinn opens the door and they get snapped by the paparazzi again. What a mess.

Adam is stupid and believes all the rumours. He breaks up with Quinn, drops Santana as his publicist and outs Quinn to the media as a lesbian. Quinn is shook. Particularly when it jeopardises the upcoming book tour for her latest novel: ‘Straight & Narrow: My Journey Back Into Faith.’

Quinn’s publisher is furious, but at Quinn’s insistence they believe her when she says it’s all a big misunderstanding. Santana meets with the publisher to assure them that Quinn is telling the truth and offers her services pro-bono. They reject her offer and make an obtuse, incredibly offensive comment about her sexuality in the process. Santana looks to Quinn, but Quinn doesn’t defend her. They have a very tense goodbye and stop speaking after this.

Meanwhile by sheer coincidence, Quinn bumps into Rachel Berry, of all people, at another writer friend’s birthday party. They too have not seen each other in years but Rachel is promoting her new autobiography ‘Barbra and Me: How a Legend Inspired an Icon’ so they have friends in common again. Rachel pretends not to see Quinn at first (in a very obvious Rachel way where she absolutely DID see her), and when Quinn finally catches up with her admits that Santana is actually her publicist and she knows all about what went down between her and Quinn. She’s firmly on Santana’s side in all of it, and politely informs Quinn that straight women don’t have sex with their female friends on Valentine’s Day. Let alone twice. Quinn is floored.

Life goes on. Quinn’s book tour is a success but she very quickly begins to feel like a fraud. During a bookshop Q&A someone asks her what it’s like to be mistakenly associated with someone ‘like Santana,’ and when she realises what they’re getting at something inside her snaps. She outs herself this time. Owns her sexuality for the first time in her life, says she’s been with a woman, that the woman was Santana, and that she had such a great time they did it twice. She voices her regret about a lifetime wasted on the Adams of the world to a room full of press, then walks out. Book sales be damned.

Obviously, Quinn’s publisher drops her. But she doesn’t care. She starts writing a new book almost immediately, an honest one this time. A fiction piece about a girl from a Christian household who spent so long trying to be good she lost sight of what good really was. Good is integrity, good is kindness, good is… a made up word determined entirely by the subjective opinion of the individual. It’s also the working title of her new book until she thinks of a better one.

Santana hears about Quinn’s Q&A epiphany through the grapevine (Rachel) and is quietly impressed. That is, until she hears another rumour that the new work Quinn is shopping around to publishers heavily features a lesbian character from the wrong side of the tracks who serves as both best friend and antagonist to the main character. Seeing red, Santana has her executive assistant secure a copy of the manuscript at all costs.

Santana doesn’t have time to read, so she has her assistant do it for her. What she doesn’t expect is to walk into her office the next morning to find said assistant sobbing over the final chapter. He tells her it’s something she should read for herself, and between that and all the crying Santana is sufficiently disturbed enough to decide she will ABSOLUTELY avoid reading it altogether. She snatches the manuscript, tracks down Quinn’s address and ambushes her after work that night instead.

Quinn gets an offer from a small independent publisher for a limited print run, which she celebrates by opening a bottle of wine and drinking alone in her apartment. When there’s a knock at her door, the last thing she expects is to find Santana standing there, red-faced, waving her own manuscript in her face. She lets Santana rant for a while about betrayal and exploitation and the like, then politely requests that she read the book before passing further comment. Then, she closes the door in Santana’s face.

Santana goes to see Rachel that weekend, who is surprised because honestly Santana never makes social calls anymore. She then sits there while Rachel reads the book all day instead (Rachel actually had other plans that day but you try telling an angry Santana that...). When she reaches the final chapter Rachel starts tearing up, and when Santana asks her WHY, begins reading aloud. It turns out Quinn’s book is a tale of lost love, of the ‘could’ve been’ - of a brief moment in time with the one that got away, and the years long struggle that followed the main character as she continued to deny the truth of who she was and who she loved. By the time Rachel finishes reading it is abundantly clear that the ‘one who got away’ is based on Santana.

Santana goes to Quinn’s apartment again. This time, she’s furious for a different reason. How dare Quinn misrepresent their friendship like that. How dare she misrepresent Santana??? She says Quinn is just as much a fraud as she always was - she’s just swapped manipulating Christian readers for sales to manipulating vulnerable teens instead. Shame on her, she says. Shame. On. Her. Quinn shuts her up by kissing her.

They start dating, slowly at first because Santana is still waiting for the other shoe to drop. Six months later, they finally make it official. Quinn’s book is a hit, in part thanks to the whisper campaign Santana sets up in her spare time because her publisher can’t afford to promote it properly and Santana simply cannot sit idly by while the best book she’s read in years flops. They become a bit of a power couple after that - Santana continuing with her day job as a publicist to the stars but using her skills and connections to quietly support Quinn’s career wherever she can too. Quinn holds her own just fine though. She carves out a lovely little niche for herself as a YA author, and is a regular guest at talks, panels and fan conventions across the country.

It’s a good life. Their careers are adjacent enough to one another for them to have things in common but far enough apart not to make their world feel too small. Some (Rachel) may say the situation still gets a little chaotic at times. After all, Quinn has and always will be Quinn, and Santana remains Santana. There’s going to be some bad in amongst the good... But they soon determine that being good all the time doesn’t matter as much as being honest with each other; as being kind even in those moments when it’s easier to be cruel. And by that definition their relationship is good. It is. Always. It’s so good in fact, that Quinn will probably write a book about it one day.

#anon #quinntana #this is soooo long omg I’m sorry everyone else but hopefully whoever asked for this enjoys it at least #santana lopez #quinn fabray #writing things

[utilitycaster]

Hello!!! I am new-ish to Dungeons & Dragons and would like to play a cleric. Seeing some of the responses to the gods in campaign 3, I'd really like to avoid some of those same attitudes from the anti-fc anti-god crowd, and just in general try to keep my own feelings on Christianity out of it. Do you have any tips?

So the underlying concepts of this are very difficult to answer, and I’ll talk about why. I also think that, to be totally honest, if you’re playing a character yourself, you will necessarily feel empathy towards them and prioritize their perspective, and in doing so, will not fall into those patterns I described re: FCG. The whole thing with FCG is immensely complicated in that it’s tied up in both very black-and-white anti-religious behavior, but also, on another level, profound resentment towards a character who many people believed earlier on was to be little more than a robot butler in Imogen and Laudna’s dream cottage, but instead ended up having a full character arc of their own.

The question of “how do I engage with cleric if I have complicated and at times negative feelings about religion” is a good one, but also, a very broad one, and I don't know if I'm the best person to answer because while I do have complicated and at times negative feelings about religion, I think this is very personal and situational depending on your specific issues and my experience may not apply. I’ve put some thoughts on how you can, well, interrogate that thought process below the cut. On a practical level, some starting points; feel free to ask me if you have more specific questions since this is necessarily very general.

The first thing to do is talk with your DM. If they have a world in mind, with gods and means of worship, that may inform you. It might be that your DM wants to show a world in which the gods or religious institutions are ill-intentioned or harmful (see: gods in The Silt Verses, The Trust in Midst, the Orzhov Syndicate in the Ravnica setting) and playing a cleric who either is perpetuating that harm, or who is themselves conflicted, would be totally reasonable for the story! The three works I mention above all have churches that are heavily tied into government and economy and are incredibly exploitative (as religious institutions can be in real life!) but also explore why someone with good intentions might be drawn to those institutions nonetheless. It’s your table. My thoughts on Critical Role don’t necessarily apply.

If you do want to play a character engaging with religion in good faith (pun unintended), then my advice is really just normal character creation advice. Why does your character find religion meaningful? Are they part of a larger institutionalized tradition, or are they practicing independently? If the source of their powers is a god, how did they find this god, or did their god find them? How do they feel about their god? If the source of the powers is conceptual, how did they come to worship this concept? Again, go back to your DM: how do they see the gods in this world? What is their role?

The even more general stuff below the cut:

The biggest ways to avoid falling into the hateful pitfalls I’ve talked about is to recognize that not all religion is the one in which you were raised (which you’ve done, which is, frankly, more than a lot of people do!), and that your personal experience is valid but not universal, and that for many people, including many Christians, religious expression is often heavily tied into their cultural heritage, sometimes in complicated ways. This is easy to talk about in relation to Judaism and Islam and indigenous spiritual practices, but I think it is also important to realize that, for example, the majority of African Americans descended from enslaved people are Christian and this is incredibly important to them culturally, even though the reason they’re Christian is due to it being forced upon their ancestors. This is also true about Catholicism among many people from countries formerly colonized by Catholic powers: since we’re talking about Sam’s character, it’s worth noting that, it was important for his wife, who is Vietnamese, that he convert to Catholicism, even though Catholicism was introduced to Vietnam via colonialism. (If you are yourself a nonwhite former Christian then apologies for explaining it; the attitudes towards religion I’ve found particularly difficult this campaign have primarily come from white Americans who were raised in a strict right-wing Christian background.)

Basically: religion is like politics: it’s a neutral system that exists, like or not. There’s ways to abuse power and use it in terrible ways; there's also ways to use it to help people. On its own, it is a concept without context. Or more bluntly, as a Jewish person, whether it’s the Spanish Inquisition forcing Catholicism, or the Soviet Union forcing non-religion, the result to Jewish people under this control was similar: assimilate or die.

Within Critical Role, we’ve seen religion as the oppressor (Hearthdell) and the oppressed (Schuester family). Destroying a temple can draw comparisons to tearing down the chapel of a residential school; but it can also draw comparisons to the Selma church bombings. Framing and context is absolutely everything.

#answered #Anonymous #cr tag

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for trying to take over the world to prevent the end of the world?

I grew up respected in an extremely religious town, but I was ostracized as an adult for going against their teachings. It's not that I don't believe in a demiurge, I'm just a vocal critic of their teachings.

Living without these expectations has allowed me greater self-expression and exploration of things our faith considers taboo, but in the process, I ended up discovering we exist inside of a dream conceived by a comatose child in the real world. Logically, if he wakes up, our world should cease to exist.

I've started draining life from all around our world to sustain us and keep the kid unconscious, but our absent demiurge decided to indirectly intervene solely to stop me and has been sending everyone on quests over it. Sure, our world is going to look really different once I'm in control, and I may be hamming up the bad guy routine with kidnapping and murder and stuff, but am I the *actual* bad guy for trying to keep one inconsequential person they don't even know in a totally different world unconscious to keep us all from dying?

#aita #am i the asshole #unreality

[traditionaldream]

You just totally refuse to read my ask and cling to your ideals. I specifically say I have no faith in the left or the right politically. You absolutely passed over the points I raised about homelessness etc, the living hell people are enduring right now. You don't want to face the ugly side of life and want to exist in a pastel paradise. This flies fundamentally in the face of Christianity. Jesus hung around with prostitutes and lepers. His creed is not an aesthetic like you are treating it.

Tbh I don't really care about trans rights etc. There used to be a process, people that really needed help in that way went through, but now everyone is switching genders at the drop of a hat thinking it will solve their problems. It's also opened the door to complete insanity allowing people who need mental help to dictate the norm. There is the minority of genuine trans people who are literally born the wrong body and need that help but that's all I support. When a man can say he is a woman at the drop of a hat to gain access to female spaces for malevolent reasons, his sins reflect unfairly on genuine trans people who are not like that. But the whole situation is a circus so I'm not interested.

You're young and naive, clinging to a conservative idyll where everything is safe and ordered and in a neat little box. Unfortunately life is not like that. You're constructing a fantasy around yourself and picking and choosing from the Christian faith to furnish it. Tbh you sicken me. I'm also trying to live my faith and failing. I struggle with sinning all the time, my negative thoughts against others, the hopelessness I feel, the urge to just do what you do and look the other way. I feel like I'm drowning. Death appears pretty attractive rn but suicide is a sin.

You literally just look the other way while people suffer. You're blaming them for things out of their control. You're too concerned with an aesthetic. You're too intent on achieving a Stepford reality. I pray for you and hope it's not too late for you to change for pride is a sin.

And this sickens me as well. You don't know me, you don’t know what i do outside of this platform, my background, my struggles, my living conditions.... I know the world is a messed up place but complaining all the time won't change that. Just because I don't talk about homelessness doesn't mean I don't care for it, you don't know if I've done anything for them, do you? No, you don't.

My political beliefs and my religious beliefs are mine, and I will never apologize for them. Again, you don't know me and I'm praying for you as well

[joseph4inspiration]

(Mark 12:34)

Knowing and understanding something are two totally different things. The High Priest and teachers of religious law knew the word very well - they were the Bible scholars of their time, but they did not understand what the scriptures were saying. For had they understood, they would have known who Christ was and worshipped Him instead of hating, and plotting to kill Him. It's our understanding of the word that helps build our faith and makes us want to live right before the Lord. It's when we understand that God promises are true, that we begin to trust in those promises (because we trust in Him); and when we trust in those promises we tend to worry less. Some people often say, yeah, I know God promised me but why am I waiting for that promise? There's nothing wrong with this question, after all, waiting can be very frustrating, but God wants us to understand that there's always a process that comes with a promise. We must also understand that we don't control that process or the timing of things, God does.

#holyspirit #god #spiritualinspiration #jesus #favored #pray #blessed #grace #encouragement #love #bible

[takeme-totheworld]

How could somebody as clever as you me be so stupid?

(cw: religious indoctrination, conversion therapy, CPTSD)

When I was sixteen years old I voluntarily sought out and joined an online youth support group for an ex-gay “ministry” and spent the next three years trying to pray the queerness out of myself and investing a lot of my social and emotional energy in a group of people dedicated to the same goal.

I cannot possibly overemphasize how much nobody forced me to do this. Because nobody had to. My religious programming had so completely taken hold at that point that it was basically running itself.

I left both the ex-gays and The Church (i.e. institutional Christianity in general) altogether, only after my mental health was completely unraveled by three years of deep investment in a cult-like group that thrived on the members’ self-hatred. I had to have a total nervous breakdown before I couldn’t do it anymore.

I left my childhood faith only when I had no other choice because staying was destroying me.

Moving across the country to live with the part of my family that wasn’t batshit religious helped. I completely removed myself from the sphere of influence of my old church and the ex-gays and I distanced myself as much as I could justify to myself from my religious family.

And then I spent years struggling to accept the losses. The loss of my faith, which shattered my entire worldview. The loss of my identity as a member of that faith. The loss of my church community. The loss of any closeness I’d had with the religious side of my family. The loss of my basic sense of trust in other people, because if the community I’d loved and trusted above all else had spent my whole life teaching me to believe in harmful myths and propaganda, how could I ever trust anyone ever again?

And the loss of trust in my own mind, because how could I have been stupid enough to believe it all?

While I was struggling with all of that, the religious indoctrination I’d absorbed my entire life was still alive and well in my head and I was struggling with that, too. Some of it was the kind of stuff you’d expect, nightmares about Hell and Armageddon and a long and painful process of reevaluating my politics (because my church was politically opinionated too, oh yes).

But there was also a particular voice on a loop incessantly in my mind for literal years, trying anything and everything to rationalize going back to church again because it still hadn’t fully let go.

At first the voice said You’re a failure, you failed God and the church because you didn’t try hard enough to cure yourself. You could have become what God and the church expected you to be if you’d just done more.

But later on it became You’re a selfish coward for running away. How are things ever going to get better in the church if people like you just leave instead of staying and trying to make a difference from the inside? What about the other people like you who are still trapped in their indoctrination? You can’t just abandon them.

Later still it became You should find a progressive church to join. How short-sighted, to write off the entire faith. It isn’t going anywhere, so it’s your duty to lend your support to the progressive wing of the church, so your part to make sure they win this culture war.

On and on and on. My mind spent over a decade going through every possible form of bargaining, inventing new and increasingly flimsy reasons why I somehow owed it to The Church to go back to them. Trying some way to make the loss less total, less permanent. Because I had loved my church growing up, been devoted to it in a way that defined my entire childhood and adolescence. And part of me kept desperately trying to find a way to stay connected to it.

I would tentatively check out churches in my new city, hoping to find something that gave me what I missed from my childhood faith without also hurting me. I was stuck in a weird cycle where I would briefly become involved with some new church or other faith based group and then get triggered, panic, and quickly leave again. I was basically trauma-bonded to the entire institution of Christianity, and it was only a few years ago when I finally had some serious therapy that I was able to completely sever the bond and fully accept that for me, faith and the church were dead and I was never ever going back.

But I still have CPTSD, the kind you develop when the curtain is pulled back on something in your life that you’d grown up thinking was good and you realize that it was deeply dysfunctional and was slowly and insidiously poisoning you for the first 19 years of your life, actually.

And I still look back and struggle to forgive myself, because as much as I’ve kept the focus of this story on how my indoctrination harmed me, it’s also true that teenage me could be an insufferable little shit, going around parroting off all kinds of bigoted, messed-up things I’d been taught in church. Some of the kids I went to school with probably hated me and I can’t blame them, tbh.

I started this blog mainly to brain dump about Good Omens and connect with other fans but I can’t really delve deeply into my perspectives on the story without delving into some of this stuff. So…consider this the first of an undetermined number of posts about my personal religious history, that I will probably link to in the future when writing metas (or at least that are helping me organize my thoughts to write metas).

#religious trauma #religious indoctrination #religious deconstruction #exvangelical #ex gay #ex ex gay #conversion therapy #cptsd #this is going to mostly be a nerdy things blog I swear #but I have some shit to get off my chest too #it’s all connected

[eikonbound]

I've been tossing the idea of writing Barnabas around in my head for a while and I came to realize that I am interested in writing him, but his story arc in the game makes me soooo miffed. I wanted him to have more autonomy in the game. I wish that, even if he did have faith in a higher power of some sort, he hadn't totally acquiesced to it. I really wanted Barnabas to be the Big Baddie in the story and be motivated by the fact that he truly does believe he's ultimately doing right by the world.

I'm going to put this under a read more bc my thoughts got lengthy.

I'm going to add him to my muse list but stick to a specific verse where:

He was still born in the outer continents and, along with his mother, was a follower of the Circle of Malius.

They still relocated to Ash as the blight spread and joined other followers of the Circle of Malius who were already there.

But unlike other Dominants who awaken with their Eikon, Odin is more like Anima from FFX, where Seymour's mother sacrificed herself (against Seymour's wishes actually) so she could become an aeon.

In Barnabas' situation, Odin is an Eikon who the Circle of Malius believes can only be awakened by offering a sacrifice from the potential Dominant -- the stronger the connection, the more likely it is that Odin will choose that person as his Dominant. But according to their legend it doesn't always work; Odin may not see them as worthy or strong enough. And in those cases, there have been followers who sacrificed multiple loved ones (most of the time willingly, sometimes not) in the hopes of becoming a Dominant only to be refused each time. It's been many, many years since Odin has deemed someone a worthy Dominant, to the point where some people wonder if it ever truly happened at all or if it's just the stuff of legends.

I think maybe Barnabas' mother sensed something very strong and resilient in her son that made her think he had a good chance of being chosen by Odin. It was probably something she put off for as long as she could for the sake of raising her son. But once the conflict between the religious factions grew too dangerous, she wanted him to have a fighting chance. She would rather die in service of her religion and her son, even if it wasn't a guarantee, rather than the way she died in canon.

Similar to his canon story (according to Ultimania lore, since I like drawing from some of it!) he was 18 when she died. Unlike Seymour who was staunchly against his mother sacrificing herself to become an aeon, I think by the time Barnabas was 12 or 13 he understood the teachings well enough, and his mother well enough, to see that she would do anything to keep him alive. And I'm sure that he himself also felt the potential to offer something greater for his religion and peers.

So when his mother realizes their time has run out, he sacrifices her as an offering to Odin, who miraculously does grant his wish and chooses Barnabas to be his Dominant. Unlike Anima, his mother does not become Odin herself -- the Eikon is his own essence. His mother served as proof that he would give up even his most beloved relationship to act in service of the Eikon.

He still creates Sleipnir at this time. I'm not 100% sure what I want to do as far as how that pact was created between them but I like the idea of Sleipnir still being his closest advisor & confidant, and extremely important to Barnabas/Waloed as a whole.

And since the followers of the religion have been waiting for someone to be chosen as Odin's Dominant, they very eagerly follow his lead as Barnabas begins the process of taking over territories in Ash.

He already has a p big ego and superiority complex in canon (he is a King after all) and I could see him having been chosen by Odin in this verse being a reason why he wouldn't bend a knee to a god. I think he'd be more likely to try and become one himself.

I definitely have blank spots to fill in, such as why Barnabas stopped aging at a certain point, what Sleipnir's presence as Odin's steed means personally to Barnabas, and what his overall plans are for how he envisions himself granting the world salvation. I'm sure Ultima will have something to do with all of this but I really don't want to write Barnabas as a conduit for Ultima, simply doing his bidding and being manipulated by him. I'm also not sure how I want to integrate the Mythos aspect to it (though I think it could be v fun to plot out!) so that's a WIP for sure.

I normally don't write my muses in a way where I would only write them in a specific verse; I love being able to plop them in various ones and see how it goes. But the canon version of Barnie's story is so meh to me so I'm putting this out there in case anyone is interested! And I'd love to do more world building for individual plots with partners where the verse I've created for Barnabas can work with their HCs for their muse.

I figure he'll be a separate category muse on my page (request? guest? idk I'll figure it out) with an asterisk that makes it clear I'm only writing him with major changes to his background. I'll add all of this to a verse page for him soon and fill in those blanks as time goes on :3 Thank u for reading about my new terrible equestrian muse.

#excited & a lil nervous to write him but mostly excited! #lmk if you're interested and we can plot together :^) #also i'm gonna take a small nap & do some writing here later! #ch: barnabas #hc: barnabas

[muzzleroars]

whenever i listen to Wine and Wheat by Madds Buckley, every time i just find myself thinking about your Gabe and V1... My Love Is Sick by the same artist makes me think of Michael and V2 and aaaa i love these archangels and their funny robots!! i love your writing and art for them so so so much

ooouuughghhh yesss the interplay between gabriel's love and his deconstruction is SO important and that's just what this makes me think of....an angel's entire being and status is defined by their relationship with their faith, it is central to what they are, so his severing, no matter how necessary, sees him panic- and grief-stricken many times throughout the process. his relationship with v1 is really his only anchor, something he clings to especially early on when he's sent so adrift and more often than not feeling tainted and corrupt - yet in v1 he feels moved by that faith so core to what he is. v1 has radically altered everything about his world, it destroyed the paradigms it was built on only to rapidly construct something new, something wholly individual to gabriel, yet it also awakened his faith after so long of it lying dormant in the cold halls of hell. i talked about the line "now this is a fight worthy of god's will", spoken by gabriel as the apostate of hate, but that line is pivotal to what he's experiencing - it is rapture, religious ecstasy of the self and of the one that evoked it, v1 reviving his love of god in the total absence of that very deity. it is an explosive moment, it is redefining and empowering, but its other side is blasphemy, sacrilege, profanity. and gabriel cycles through both, at once bursting with all that he is and loving v1 to the point of worship, but then devoured by the sin of his guilt, by his hellish punishment...how he must contend with it even, that his happiness isn't permitted. for so long he is forced to believe he is incomplete without the love of god and that his joy in himself and v1 is transient, illusory, and evil at its root.

GLAD I CAN GO CRAZY ABOUT MIKE AND V2 TOO....their relationship is very much defined by two parties who do NOT want it. michael in particular has never gotten close to anyone, not since the age of innocence, far too traumatized by his losses to ever seek out even friendship. v2 believes its deeper emotional life is its failing in hell, setting it apart from all the other machines, and besides....it sees the death in this world. anything could go at any second, and mike is topping that list. so when they do start falling in love with one another, it absolutely feels like a sickness. michael's state can't be ignored, particularly as it progresses and it begins causing bouts of severe illness - it feels cruel to him to let v2 in knowing he's dying, and v2 hates that it seems to have fallen for the one person in all this guaranteed to leave it. but it just. it's too much for both of them, how much they see themselves in the other, how much they can be understood on a level no one else is able to, and all the reminders of michael's time winding down soon serves as no barrier. v2 calls on him when it needs help, soon it's the only one beside raphael that he trusts to care for him when he's sick, and they lean on the other for all the support they can't find outside one another. the way this will end isn't quiet between them, they both acknowledge michael's rot, far beyond what the other archangels do...but v2 won't leave him now. it will work on a treatment for as long as mike lives, it will talk him through his grief and share in it with him, and it will be with him whenever this ends.

#i think part of what calms mike down is literally just. #no longer wanting to put himself at so much risk for v2's sake #like tearing himself apart isn't an option anymore. it's cruel #BUT THANKS FOR LISTENING.... #i need to draw these four on a double date. i have ideas #cake answers #v1 #gabriel #v2 #michael

[fabbyf1]

Are you still responding on comments at AO3?

Besties, 

I want to talk about something that makes me uncomfortable. I hope you’ll allow me to speak my mind, hear what I’m saying, and not jump to any conclusions. Please don’t read any further into this than what it’s actually about. 

I want to talk about comments on AO3. 

Comments on AO3 are so fucking important. If you’ve ever published something on AO3, you know how incredibly special they are. Writing is such a long, lonely process that we all do for free. We challenge ourselves to be creative and to produce content that we want to see in the world. We take time away from our own lives and responsibility to do something that we love to do. 

And sometimes, if you’re lucky, you’ll build up a little following of people that enjoy your stuff. People who will read your fics religiously, even if it’s not something they would have previously clicked on. And that, my friends, is an insane feeling of validation. It’s something I’ve never experienced before, even though I’ve been writing since I was 12. 

F1 RPF is such a special place to be. 

Having you all back me and support me is insane. I love it so much. The fact you have such faith in my writing that you’ll click on a fic and go into it with an open mind simply because I wrote it is mind-blowing to me. I never want that to change, and I never want you all to feel like I’m immune or numb to that. I am so incredibly thankful for your support. 

I’ll never be able to find the words to express how much joy I get from posting a fic and seeing you all freak out over it. It makes it worthwhile. It inspires me to keep going. It builds my confidence and helps me continue to take time out of my personal life to write these things, knowing that I’m not just doing it for myself anymore. 

But that’s where the tricky part comes in, and I’m not sure how to talk about it without sounding like a whining little bitch. I don’t want you to think I’m telling you how to praise me. I never want you to think I’m taking feedback, comments, or praise for granted because I promise you I’m not. 

I still cry and gag and scream over every single comment I receive, no matter how long or short the comment is. I screenshot them and send them off rapid-fire to my little group of besties so that we can all cry over them together. 

But I think it’s important we keep it on the right platform. 

Very recently, I have stopped responding to comments on AO3. It wasn’t an easy decision for me, and I cried actual real-life tears about it because I didn’t want anyone to hate me or think I was a rude, self-absorbed lil bitch. 

Up until this week, I was religiously responding to every single comment I received. Because I wanted you all to know how much they meant to me. But I’ve reached a certain point now where it’s taking too much time out of my day to respond to them all when I feel like I could be using that time for better things. Like producing more content for you. 

But I’ve noticed, particularly this last week since I stopped responding on AO3, that my Tumblr inbox is suddenly full of AO3 comments. I can’t help but think it’s because I still respond to (almost) every Tumblr ask I get but have opted out of responding on AO3. And if that’s the case, I totally get it. Because interaction is important, and we all enjoy talking to each other! 

I don’t want anybody to think I’m asking you not to interact with me. 

I fucking love talking to you guys. You all make me laugh, and cry, and gag, and scream and panic-pace around my apartment with some of our conversations. I never want you to stop sliding into my dm’s or sliding into my asks, on anon or off anon, to scream about things with me. 

But what I’m asking... is that you also leave a comment on AO3. If you only have the time or desire to write on one platform... please make it AO3. Come to my tumblr to talk to me, Kate, about anything you want. Or, copy and paste the AO3 comment into my tumblr ask so I can repost it for everyone to see. But I’d ask that you not skip the AO3 comments to post on my tumblr instead. Because... they belong on AO3. 

I’m so incredibly honored that you would take the time out of your day to leave me a comment (of any size). Seeing them on any platform brings me so much joy, but I think they belong on AO3. Whenever I’m feeling sad or down, I’ll go reread the comments on my AO3 fics. If they’re split between two platforms, comments are more likely to get lost in the mix, and that makes me so sad to think about because I want to reread them. 

Because you took the time to tell me something nice. 

Also... stats matter. And I hope you don’t think I’m being cocky or entitled when I say that. But comments, kudos, and views matter. It’s how your fics get more traction and more attention and how you widen your audience. Stats are an awkward thing to talk about, especially for me, but they really do matter. 

I hope you all can understand where I’m coming from. 

And I truly hope you don’t think I’m complaining or trying to dictate when and how you should praise me. Because I promise you that is not my intention. I’m just... a real person behind a screen, with real feelings and real emotions. I love you all so much, and I’ll never stop crying about how loved and special you all make me feel. 

Thank you for listening, besties. 

[tl;dr I think AO3 comments should stay on AO3, and not go into Tumblr asks. Please don't hate me.]

#I really hope you read all of this even though it's long #i'm sorry for being so long winded THIS IS WHY I CANT WRITE SHORT FICS EITHER BESTIES #please undersatnd that i love you all so fucking much #you bring so much joy to my life #i brag about you to everyone i know

[windermeresimblr]

The Bold The Facts Tag

The Rules are simple! Tag people and name a character you want to know more about! If you want to let the person you tagged decide who to showcase, then don’t name a character and they can pick somebody. Easy! The person who is tagged will then bold the remarks below which apply to their character &, if they want to, include a picture with their reply!

I was tagged by @danjaley for Kolfinna, who we haven't QUITE properly met yet. Therefore, there's not a lot of explanation. But she will eventually meet Alasdair. I think they would play well as a buddy-comedy duo.

I tag @aprilrainsimblr, @ninjaofthepurplethings, @treason-and-plot, @nectar-cellar, and @simlicious!

(I still haven't settled on a coherent "look" for her aside from big eyes, freckles, and dark hair.)

[ PERSONAL ]

$ Financial: wealthy / moderate / poor / in poverty

✚ Medical: fit / moderate / sickly / disabled / disadvantaged / non applicable

✪ Class or Caste: upper / middle / working / unsure / other [Her mother's a king's daughter and her father's a jarl's son, but she definitely doesn't live as a typical noblewoman of the era would!]

✔ Education: qualified / unqualified / studying / other [Formal education wasn't really a thing. But she's capable of weaving and mending and sewing and churning butter and milking cows and all the other responsibilities of the home.]

✖ Criminal Record: yes, for major crimes / yes, for minor crimes / no / has committed crimes, but not caught yet / yes, but charges were dismissed

◒ Children: had a child or children / has no children / wants children

◑ Relationship with Family: close with sibling(s) / not close with sibling(s) / has no siblings / sibling(s) is deceased

◔ Affiliation: orphaned / adopted / disowned / raised by birth parent(s) / not applicable [Both? She was brought up by her birth parents, but her foster-parents provided her education and she lives with them. Certainly she thinks more warmly of her foster-parents.]

(This hangerock combo was a failure, mesh-wise, but she looks good in green!)

[ TRAITS + TENDENCIES ]

♦ extroverted / introverted / in between

♦ disorganized / organized / in between

♦ close minded / open-minded / in between

♦ calm / anxious / in between

♦ disagreeable / agreeable / in between

♦ cautious / reckless / in between [But, as Alasdair may yet find out, she's capable of some extreme recklessness...]

♦ patient / impatient / in between

♦ outspoken / reserved / in between

♦ leader / follower / in between

♦ empathetic / vicious bastard / in between [Perhaps too empathetic for a woman living in the Early Medieval Period in a region known for frequent conflict. Oops.]

♦ optimistic / pessimistic / in between

♦ traditional / modern / in between

♦ hard-working / lazy / in between

♦ cultured / uncultured / in between / unknown

♦ loyal / disloyal / unknown

♦ faithful / unfaithful / unknown [Romantically?]

[ BELIEFS ]

★ Faith: monotheist / polytheist / atheist / agnostic

☆ Belief in Ghosts or Spirits: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✮ Belief in an Afterlife: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care

✯ Belief in Reincarnation: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care [Reincarnation was not, perhaps, the most prominent theological topic of the day. She would probably like the idea.]

❃ Belief in Aliens: yes / no / don’t know / don’t care [Do you mean elves? See 'Belief in Ghosts or Spirits.' Actual aliens are...not quite in the medieval worldview.]

✧ Religious: orthodox / liberal / in between / not religious

❀ Philosophical: yes / no [She has a lot of time on her hands to contemplate.]

[ SEXUALITY & ROMANTIC INCLINATION ]

❤ Sexuality: heterosexual / homosexual / bisexual / asexual / pansexual

❥ Sex: sex repulsed / sex neutral / sex favorable / naive and clueless [but probably not totally unaware of the process. Longhouses weren't hotbeds of privacy and Victorian mores. She has not had the practical experience due to reasons.]

♥ Romance: romance repulsed / romance neutral / romance favorable /naive and clueless / romance suspicious [She's of noble blood. Romance is for the common folk.]

❣ Sexually: adventurous / experienced / naive / inexperienced / curious

⚧ Potential Sexual Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all [She's never really considered this; for the sake of certain obligations, she would probably have to marry a man and have his children, but she also doesn't think about it very much.]

⚧ Potential Romantic Partners: male / female / agender / other / none / all [Romance is for the commoners! But she'd choose a partner based on their personality and their behavior...and looks, of course, but looks aren't everything. Oh, and can they handle a sword well? And what are their land holdings? And do they treat people well regardless of status?]

[ ABILITIES ]

☠ Combat Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

≡ Literacy Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none [She knows runes, but is not quite proficient enough to be a rune-carver. Also her spelling and pronunciation is horrendous.]

✍ Artistic Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none [She can't draw, but she has an excellent eye for color.]

✂ Technical Skills: excellent / good / moderate / poor / none

[ HABITS ]

☕ Drinking Alcohol: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / Alcoholic [She's a Viking and serves as one of the ale-bearers in the hall. But that doesn't mean she's guzzling it!]

☁ Smoking: tried it / trying to quit / quit / never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / Chain-smoker

✿ Recreational Drugs: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / addict

✌ Medicinal Drugs: never / no longer needs medication / some medication needed / frequently / to excess

☻ Unhealthy Food: never / special occasions / sometimes / frequently / binge eater

$ Splurge Spending: never / sometimes / frequently / shopaholic

♣ Gambling: never / rarely / sometimes / frequently / compulsive gambler

#sim: kolfinna the dreamer

[vyragosa]

How do you interpret the scene where Higgs takes Amelie’s quipu and puts it on himself? Their relationship is obviously of one of a saint and a devoted follower but I kinda had a “you are me and I’m you” trope vibe during my playthrough, not sure if my understanding is right tho… There are a lot of moments where both of them are shown to be the two sides of the same coin: Amelie in Higgs’ clothes, faceless giant Amelie, the moment when Amelie starts to say something to Sam and then the camera smoothly changes to Higgs continuing her phrase etc. To me he’s always been striving to “become” her in a “I want to embody everything she is and lead humanity to its fated end/future beyond the end” way. They kinda parallel each other cause both had a change of heart (Higgs went from protection & his wish to help humanity to destruction - which he personally sees as a blissful way out - and Amelie vice-versa while always hesitating in the process and not being sure what is best for humanity). So maybe the very fact of her hesitation led him to “I’m going to become better than her, I’m going to become her and do what should be done” mindset? *delusional and probably incorrect rambling*

Also the fact that there’s a religious (presumably Amelie-centred) cult in ds2 and Higgs with Amelie’s hair (aka Higgs-Amelie) also got me 🤔 and he still keeps his (her) beloved quipu

in my top 3 amelie moments, deeply tragic

"you are me and i am you"

is indeed my own reading as well!!!! imho you are completely correct, and it's precisely what feeds me about higgs-amelie?

there's many readings to this scene,

the first is the transferring of earthly attachments, she is blissful in giving up her attachment to sam represented by the quipu to higgs, if she did not have any remaining connection, she would have been "the perfect extinction entity" but she is not, never could be as a human being; finally being "killed" is her deepest wish and the final beach scene represents it (she needed to be sure and have faith that humanity would be strong enough against her) that's why she is willing to close her beach, meaning to finally die, if the flame is passed on to higgs the executor of the end, he would sever his connection to the world himself (having killed before in an equivalent "exchange" life, for death, for his survival, the antithesis EE)

=> from higgs' pov: it could certainly be read, (and i will..) as higgs monopolizing sam's feelings for amelie but for himself, higgs wanting to be the EE extends to those feelings and letting sam be the judge of them (beach fight) higgs also bears a wish for oblivion just as much as amelie, why he asks sam to "get it over with" and well, give him the coup de grâce and kill him, so it's also taking those feelings (his obsession very clear)

usually when you push some buttons you can see higgs' eyes behind the mask but in this one scene oddly enough, you are totally unable to, so the scene appears more as ; amelie wishing for higgs to take her place as the extinction entity as much as he wants it, for amelie to present herself as a destroyer to sam utterly and completely, she appears in the mirror in the shelter disguised as higgs as well, so there's 3 times at least where she does wear his clothes, "see me for who i really am, the destroyer" is the feeling it gives

=> higgs is also her way to present herself as a destroyer, while keeping her own original persona as sweet amelie, even positioning herself as needing to be saved because, she believes this non-threatening persona is the only way for sam to come find her (which is proven false because sam will let higgs touch him as well as fight him)

she literally needs higgs to function as the extinction entity, that's the wildest part, otherwise she would never allow herself to function as one at all

"do what i can't do"

but higgs is only human, only human.....in DS2? .....not so sure

#anonymous

[detectivehole]

I feel deep catholic guilt and discomfort whenever I see art that glorifies satanic stuff or even posts that are anti-God, even though I wasn't raised catholic. Is this normal for people. I'm personally very pro God even though people think I'm a devil worshiper based on my appearance and interests

it's fine that you vented, i don't mind

ftr im just some dude i can't offer significant advice (i'll take a shot) or speak for other people. im not particularly smart or insightful

tldr: you're not abnormal for it but religious guilt that interferes with your life is not good for you. you should speak with a therapist and take time for considerable introspection

catholic guilt is not the only form of religious or even christian guilt; many religions, notably (because i am from the west and most familiar with them) abrahamic ones, can cause or even deliberately wield guilt as an extension of ensuring faith. catholic guilt is often a distinction made because the catholic faith is notorious for its weaponization of guilt in its practice. if you experience religious guilt, but were never or are not catholic, it is not catholic guilt- this isn't, like, a defense of the concept, i just think making that distinction is important for someone struggling with religious guilt. knowing exactly what you're dealing with is important, you don't want to confuse it easily with something else

feeling religious guilt either because you were raised religious or because you live in a culturally christian (im assuming based off the question) society is not good for you, but it is arguably pretty normal. that being said it is absolutely something you should focus energy on and work towards overcoming and processing- there is no reason to feeling guilty and afraid of innocent, innocuous, and harmless behaviors, things, and actions, just because a flawed doctrine has demonized them arbitrarily. your moral compass, and the convictions you hold that's violations might cause guilt, should be held 100% of your own volition after your own careful consideration- not held because of fear, forced faith, or exclusively because of outside influence

religion itself is not a evil or bad, neither is it good and just. it is a neutral concept that is capable of an immense amount of beauty as well as an immense amount of ugliness. religious people are, the vast majority of the time, totally normal people with totally normal senses of right and wrong- whether it's strictly in-line with their faith or not; identical in this way to any non-religious person, or another person of any other faith

all i mean is that you should be considering what you belive and why- if you find it has no conflicts with your faith, that's perfectly fine. if you find it does, that's fine too. just make sure you make the choice on how to move forward in life for reasons of genuine conviction, compassion, and logic- nothing else. do not let anything else control you

if god remains important to you, then that's just fine. just make sure you have a healthy relationship with the concept- no nonsensical, arbitrary guilt

--

im not entity certain what "pro god" means but whatever it is i am likely not myself. i was raised with religious influences but i hold no genuine religious convictions of any kind. i resent aspects of christianity that have hurt myself and others, as well as many fundamental aspects of the christian interpretation of life and the world, so despite complete lack of faith, i frequently take jabs at the concept and often with a "pro satan" tone. this is all to say i don't think we can entirely empathize on that front, and whatever ive told you has been said with a low backing drone of resentment to the concept of of a christian god. i tired to be impartial in the above text, but it's important to make you potential biases known

hope all that texts literally anything at all to you 👍 sorry it makes little sense

#mine #ask