#More touchy-feely because they are morons and cute at it!

[lonelysoul029]

His Hufflepuff Secret ~ Seven

<-Previous Chapter

_____

Y/N walks into the Great Hall and sits down next to Hannah, who is sitting across from Darren. They're both talking with Cedric Diggory and a brunette girl named Laurie.

"How are you so sure you're going to win Cedric?" Darren asks the older wizard.

"I've got faith in myself, D," Cedric answers, throwing a small piece of broccoli at his friend," And besides, that Potter ain't half bad, so either one of us can easily take the win for Hogwarts."

"I, for one, don't doubt that Cedric," Y/N chimes in, taking a few fries from Darren's plate. She's  quick to avoid his hand swatting hers away.

"Thanks Fawley," the dark-haired boy smiles at her.

They continue to chat about the tournament. The boys even mention Fleur Delacour and the other Beauxbaton ladies and how 'pretty' and 'hot' they are compared to the girls at Hogwarts. This results in Hannah leaning over from across the table to smack Darren with her Care of Magical Creatures textbook.

"Ow! What'd you do that for?" Darren whines, rubbing at the top of his head.

"Beauxbaton girls are prettier than the girls here at Hogwarts huh?" Hannah scowls at the boy.

His face falls, "I-I was only joking, Hannah."

"Sure you were," she gets up from her seat, "Come on, Fawley. Let's go someplace where no gits are around to open their stupid mouths."

Y/N takes Darren's whole plate of fries and follows Hannah out the hall. They hear him trying to apologize to Hannah, but they're already halfway out the door.

~~~~•~~~~

The girls sit on one of the window sills near their next class as they munch on the stolen fried potatoes.

"So, since you're doing better after that incident with Pansy," Hannah speaks, "Maybe now we can talk about what happened at the Yule Ball?"

"Why? What happened at the Yule Ball?" Y/N knows what her friend is talking about, she just  doesn't want to talk about it.

"Don't play dumb with me, Fawley," the blonde points a fry at her, "You know exactly what I'm talking about. Hell, the whole bloody school knows what I'm talking about!"

Y/N bangs her head against the concrete behind her, which was a stupid idea considering her still fairly new head injury. What the fuck is your beef with your own head? "So you saw it then?" she mumbles quietly.

"Well, when you kiss Draco Malfoy in the middle of the bloody dance floor," Hannah says sarcastically, "Anyone, or rather, everyone present in the room will obviously see it. In this case, half our school and Durmstrang and Beauxbatons, happened to be present in the room," she grins at her.

"Okay but that's not true," she tries to defend, "Technically, he kissed me. Not the other way around."

Hannah laughs, "Doesn't matter who kissed who first. What matters is that students and staff saw it, and now you two are the biggest gossip around here. On top of that-"

"There's more?" Y/N groans.

"Yes," Hannah nods, "Pansy Parkinson has been bad mouthing you any chance she gets."

Seriously? When is she ever going to stop with this attitude of hers?

"Speaking of, how's your head feeling?"

"Physically, the cut on my head is healing; but with all that's been going on, my brain cells are about to run away to South Korea just to escape my thoughts."

Hannah gives her a sympathetic smile, "What are your thoughts, anyway?"

"About what exactly?" Y/N prompts.

"Malfoy."

She groans, "Ugh where do I even start?"

"Oh, I don't know..." Hannah says sarcastically, "Maybe from the beginning?"

So Y/N does exactly that. She explains to Hannah that she and Malfoy have been friends since second year and how they both agreed to keep it a secret, "...but that's the thing! We promised each other to be friends only behind closed doors and then he goes and takes me to the ball and kisses me."

"It sounds to me that he's got it bad for you," Hannah smirks.

"I highly doubt he's 'got it bad' for me, Hannah," she uses air quotes to emphasize her point.

"Let's look at the facts then, shall we?" she leans forward with her elbows on her textbook and her hands interlaced, "You said that you've been friends in secret for years. In said years, you two flirted back and forth with each other and he's always touchy feely with you. He's probably been in love with you from the beginning! Maybe, he finally got the courage to show his feelings for you and thought that the Yule Ball was the perfect opportunity to do it."

Y/N scoffs nervously, "You could join the Major Investigation Department of the Magical Congress of the United States of America with that investigative thinking of yours," she babbles, trying to deflect what her friend is implying.

"That is not my point and you know it," Hannah says sternly, "With all that denying of yours, I'd say you've got it just as bad as Malfoy does."

"You ladies talking about me?" a familiar voice says.

"Absolutely not," Hannah quickly replies.

Y/N turns her head and sees Draco Malfoy towering over them with a smirk on his face.

"You sure about that, Abbott? Cuz I definitely heard my name," he utters cockily.

"Didn't anyone tell you it's rude to eavesdrop?" Hannah retorts. Y/N is choosing to stay silent, both in embarrassment and not wanting to talk after what her friend just told her.

"I think if it's me you're gossiping about, I have the right to eavesdrop."

"Whatever, Malfoy," she rolls her eyes then pulls her friend up by the arm, "Let's go Y/N, we'll be late for class."

"Hey! I'm in this class too, Abbott," Draco follows the girls.

"And I care because...?" Hannah prompts as she walks faster.

He slows his pace and semi-yells, "Because that's my girlfriend you're dragging all the way there."

The girls stop dead in their tracks. Some students bump into them and some curse them for blocking the way. Hannah slowly turns around to face the Slytherin, "What did you just say?"

"Oh fuck," Y/N mutters under her breath before turning around as well.

"You heard me, Abbott," the boy says, his eyes flickering to Y/N's. A smug smirk permanently plastered on his face, "Ain't that right, sweetheart?"

She nervously meets Hannah's wide-eyed expression, "Yeah, uhh... small detail I forgot to mention?"

"Small detail?!" the other girl exclaims, "Y/N this is huge!"

"Hannah, please," Y/N rolls her eyes, "It's really not a big deal."

"Not a big deal my arse," Hannah grins, "I knew you've both got it bad. Turns out it's officially happening already."

"Can we just get to class?" Y/N groans.

"Fine."

The trio walk into Potions. The girls sit at their usual table with two other Hufflepuffs. On the other side of the room, Draco sits with Crabbe, Goyle and Blaise.

Snape is leaning on his desk, arms folded and face stoic as ever. If he dislikes his job so much, why not just quit? Y/N thinks.

The professor clears his throat, "Today, I will be teaching you about what can be considered the most powerful and most dangerous potion in the world; amortentia. Can anyone tell me what it is?" He scans the room full of bored students, "Mr. Nott."

"Amortentia is a love potion, professor. It can cause extreme infatuation or obsession from whoever drinks it," Theo answers confidently.

"And what is peculiar about it's scent?" Snape looks to the other side of the room, "Miss Fawley?"

Y/N looks up from her notes, "The scent is different for each person. Amortentia will smell like whatever the person is most attracted to."

"Would you like to tell us what you smell?" the professor says, gesturing to the cauldron at the front of the class.

"Sure, I guess," Y/N nods hesitantly. She gets up from her table and walks up to the front. Using her hand, she waves it over the cauldron and breathes in. "I smell apples, mint and... cologne?" A familiar snicker can be heard from one of the tables. Immediately, Y/N rolls her eyes.

"Interesting," Professor Snape hums, although his tone far from interested, "Please take your seat, Miss Fawley. Now, all of you are to brew this potion. I expect perfection and nothing less. Remember, amortentia is quite a dangerous potion, so don't ingest it. No fooling around. Anyone who fails to act properly will receive a month's detention."

The students nod, and a few 'yes, professor's' are muttered.

"You may begin."

Y/N grabs a cauldron while Hannah gathers the ingredients. They place the items back on their table and start going through the instructions.

"So," Hannah nudges Y/N's shoulder, "Apples and cologne, huh?" she smirks at her.

"Oh shut it, Abbott."

The blonde simply giggles, "Come on. Loosen up will you? At least you smelled your actual boyfriend, and not some other guy. That would've been completely awkward and embarrassing if what you described was antique rooms, firewood and Quidditch broomsticks, like Harry Potter's scent."

"Hannah, why in the world would I smell Harry Potter?" Y/N asks, extremely confused.

"Have you forgotten the beginning of second year?" Hannah raises an eyebrow at her, "I swear every single night you wouldn't shut up about him in our dorm."

Y/N takes a second to ponder, "Oh, right! I mean, Harry did look really cute that year," the girls both laugh but cut off by a tall man in a black cape.

"Is this laughter a product of working, ladies?" Snape's deep monotone voice rings in their ears. When the girls don't answer, he continues, "That's what I thought. Get back to the task. Next time, I will be deducting points."

"Sorry, Professor," Y/N mumbles. Snape glares at the two one last time before moving on to another table to pick on other students.

"Alright then. Let's finish this potion, shall we?" Hannah goes to add some rose thorns into the cauldron.

They finish the rest of the steps in silence and pretty soon, the smell of apples, mint and cologne surrounds Y/N's senses. "What do you smell, Hannah?"

"I smell... old books, red cedar and fudge. Ugh, of course even when I'm annoyed at him, he's still the one that I smell," Hannah rolls her eyes.

"Darren?" Y/N chuckles.

"You called?" Darren appears from behind them.

"Go back to smelling your 'hot' Beauxbaton girls, moron," Hannah repulses.

"Hey!I already said I was joking," he replies with an apologetic look.

Y/N watches the two, trying her best not to laugh at her friends. She turns away from them and spots Draco punching Zabini's arm and laughing. It seems as though Zabini pretended to guzzle down the potion and acted all lovey-dovey towards Goyle. Draco's gaze meets hers and he gives her a knowing wink. She smiles at him then sees Snape appear beside the Slytherin boys. Y/N turns back to her friends, knowing Zabini is definitely receiving that month's detention.

"That boy just knows exactly how to get to a girl's heart," Hannah says sarcastically. Darren has retreated back to his table and is purposefully avoiding the blonde girl's death glare.

"What even happened?" Y/N asks.

"He's just been a real git these last couple of days," Hannah sighs, "Saying all the wrong things all the time. I don't know if he's not interested in me anymore or he's just stupid, or both," she props an elbow up on the table and rests her chin on her hand.

"I say he's just stupid," she smiles and puts a hand on Hannah's shoulder, "I'm sure Darren will come to his senses."

"Thanks," Hannah smiles back.

"It appears all of you have finished," Snape announces, "But because you all took your precious time brewing the potion, class is now ending," he gives pointed looks at each table, "Take an empty bottle and label them with your names. You will pour the potion into the bottle and place it on my desk. I will assess and grade them after class. You're all dismissed."

The students do as they're told and place their amortentia potions on Snape's desk. Y/N and Hannah walk towards the exit then they hear a voice call out, "Fawley, wait up!"

They turn and see Draco and his friends catching up with them.

"What?" Y/N asks, already bored of the conversation she knows the topic of.

Draco stops right in front of her with a grin on his face, "Just wanted to know what you smelt from the amortentia."

She rolls her eyes, "You already know what it was."

"Maybe I just want to hear it again," he smirks.

Y/N scoffs, not wanting to give him the satisfaction, "You wanna hear how I smelt firewood and Harry's shampoo?" she smirks back at him.

"Ooh burn," Goyle says from behind Draco.

"Shut up, Goyle," Draco elbows him in the stomach. Goyle mumbles a sorry before Draco turns back to Y/N, "That wasn't funny."

"Really?" she bats her eyelids up at him innocently, "I think it was quite hilarious."

Draco grabs her wrist and pulls her closer to him. He leans down to her ear and whispers, "I think you should watch it, sweetheart."

Despite the heat rising in Y/N's cheeks from their closeness and the fact that their friends are seeing their obvious tension, she replies, "No, I don't think I will," she moves out of his grasp, but not before placing a kiss on his cheek. She winks at him then walks away, Hannah following close behind.

Draco just stands there, dumbfounded. Just when I think I have the upper hand... he smiles to himself.

"Merlin's beard, Malfoy. She's got you wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she?" Zabini jokes.

He just glares at Zabini, but inside he's thinking: Yes. She really does.

_____

Next Chapter->

#his hufflepuff secret #chapter seven #izzy writes #Draco Malfoy #draco x reader #hufflepuff!reader #series #x reader #gryffindor #hufflepuff #ravenclaw #slytherin #hogwarts #harry potter #hannah abbott #blaise zabini #professor snape #severus snape #jkrowling #jkr #fan fiction #fiction #malfoy #sacred 28

[fatedbutblinking]

when hades!reader dates percy jackson

relationship headcanons are actually pretty fun to write so expect more of these soon. i might do like some brother-sister kinda ones from pjo (like siblings in a cabin, for ex) but ofc can’t wait to tackle the nico-will dynamic <3

Percy was too scared to admit he liked you so he instead was extremely overprotective.

One time, at a party a Dionysus camper threw, an Aphrodite guy was getting touchy-feely with you.

Percy splashed the guy’s beer in his face using his powers, angering him, but he only winked at you and walked away.

Eventually you caught on that he liked you and kissed him by the Canoe Lake.

Initially you tried to keep your relationship a secret.

There was always sexual tension during Capture the Flag.

It was even worse at the nightly campfires, where you stole lustful looks from each other.

You snuck into his cabin most nights as you couldn’t do it with Nico around.

That’s when you found out he was a big cuddler. All night he would warm you up, as children of Hades are unnaturally cold. And because he likes smelling your hair.

Nico was the first to know. He told you that he was dating Will and you would have felt guilty if you didn’t tell him about Percy, so you did it right after. You made disgusted looks at each other jokingly—but not before Percy bust into the room with chocolate-covered strawberries. He always seemed to be in the right places at the wrong time.

Despite being popular on campus for your powers and ethereal looks, you never had many friends. People were intimidated by your dad being the god of death.

Until Percy introduced you to those from the Prophecy of Seven and you all became really close.

He made it seriously obvious that you were dating, even though the whole point of keeping it a secret was to protect it from them.

Whenever Leo tried to flirt with you, Percy held Riptide in the pen form against his back and glared.

When Jason stared at your bikini bod at the beach, Percy sent a wave of water over him before he could finish stuttering.

When girls flirted with Percy—which was and is all the time, especially the mortal ones—you kissed his cheek in front of them and got the message across that he was yours.

“I’m the disciple of death, so,” usually did the trick.

Percy got sick of keeping the secret. He didn’t want guys flirting with you anymore.

So, at your birthday party, he pulled you onto him in the Canoe Lake and kissed you passionately. Everyone stopped swimming to cheer you on.

An Apollo kid took a picture of the moment. It turned out like one of those aesthetic Pinterest couple photos with the sun setting in the background and the silhouette of your chests against each other.

Percy often asks you to replicate the silhouette in the picture as a shadow on the wall.

From that moment on, PDA became a big thing between you two.

Everyone knows you’re dating and if they’re new, they learn quickly.

You’re like the mother and father of Camp Half-Blood.

The first time you told Percy you loved him, he hugged you tightly and pulled you into his chest to stop you from seeing him so happy.

“I love you too,” he’d said quietly. “More than anything—everything.”

After a few moments of you being buried in his chest, he kissed your forehead, and then all over your face, and repeatedly said, “I love you,” until you laughed.

Nobody makes you happy the way he does.

“I’ve never seen you smile so much,” Leo said one time, not really joking.

“That’s because I’ve never been so happy.”

Nico threw a pillow at you. “Out.”

Your dates are at the beach, where Percy steals kisses from you in the water and you laugh at how dorky he is explaining the anatomy of a hippocampus.

You’re accustomed to riding dolphins, watching the sun set and swimming with sharks.

“Aren’t you scared?”

“Of what?”

“Of the sharks biting you or killing you. Girls are always scared of that.”

“I’m not scared of death, Jackson.”

You and Percy binge-watch Netflix and binge-eat all the time.

You and Percy are very powerful and competitive, being children of The Big Three, resulting in long and rough fights.

There is a literal rule that you’re not allowed to be on the same team. You’re both too powerful.

Because of the paleness you inherited from your father, you blush easily. Percy thinks this is adorable.

He always talks about how beautiful you are, saying Aphrodite can’t compare. He knows that you secretly like the compliments, in spite of smacking him and calling them moronically cheesy.

He is always in awe of you when you take people down in fights.

He genuinely admires what he calls the ‘badass bitch’ vibe.

You make him blue pancakes.

It isn’t very often that you’re open with people, but you’re very open with Percy. You wouldn’t admit it to him, but you’re sure he’s the only one you could love that much.

Percy appreciates your honesty, though others might find it startling. He appreciates most your ability to conceptualise what he’s feeling when he explains something that happened to him.

For example, he told you about how much he hated Gabe Ugliano. You recognized it as abuse and Percy denied it.

“Oh, come on. He was just a mean dude. I wasn’t abused,” he had chuckled.

“He hit you, Perce. He bullied you. Just because you’re a demigod doesn’t mean you’re a strong mortal incapable of feeling pain. Your problems as a human guy matter just as much.”

“You know, you’re nicer than you think.”

“Don’t insult me again, Jackson. No matter how cute you look doing it.”

Everyone at camp is envious of your relationship.

The Aphrodite girls go insane shipping you guys.

One time, Piper had to stop the Aphrodite girls from spying on you guys through the crack of the Poseidon cabin.

They like the contrast between you two; Percy is the warm one and you’re the cold one; he’s the tan one and you’re the pale one; he’s an idiot and you’re smart.

And yet you have a balance of similarities. You’re both illegitimate children of The Big Three, powerful, good-looking, brave and would do anything for each other.

One time, a mortal tried to capture a mythical seamonster on video in the middle of a Greek ocean. In the corner of the video were you and Percy heatedly making out; he had taken you there for a date.

Your accidental sex tape became worse when Poseidon used Mist to get rid of the hippocampus in the video so no mortal would find out about it.

The video was debunked, but also broadcasted on the news where the world got to see you two making out. And no seamonster.

Whenever you and your brother Nico play with Mythomagic cards, Percy always shows up.

He says he wants to learn to play, but rubs your love life in Nico’s face simultaneously.

You’ve always thought it was because of the ‘Nico saying Percy wasn’t his type’ thing, but it’s actually because Percy wants Nico to know that he really loves you and wants his approval.

Hades only accepts your relationship because you’re happy, but that doesn’t stop him from threatening Percy’s life.

“Break her heart and you’ll have wished you became immortal, Percy Jackson. Of course that wouldn’t stop me.”

Poseidon loves you like his own daughter.

But when you talk to him, you’re pretty awkward, as he knows about the things you and Percy do in his waters.

Sally thinks you’re good for Percy because you save his ass whenever he does something stupid.

With Paul Blofis being a smart, docile guy and Percy being a rowdy goof from a different world, they didn’t get along well initially.

So you’re the middleman. You educate Paul on the world of gods and you tutor Percy so he passes Paul’s English class—his worst class due to his dyslexia.

You’re pretty much the rulers of Camp Half-Blood and the high school you both attend.

Overall, you’re both strong and powerful in your own rights, but the two of you together are these soft cuties. Your relationship is passionate on all fronts and you’re sure you won’t find a connection as strong as this one.

#percy #headcanon #percy jackson #daughter of hades #child of hades #hades #poseidon #pjo #nico pjo #x reader #percyjacksonxreader #post tartarus #leo valdez #jason grace #piper mclean #percy jackson headcanon #pjo headcanon #reader insert #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x hades!reader #hades!reader

[teenytinystorage]

Operation Double Date

Remus wants to ask Deceit out on a date, and he attempts to do exactly that in quite possibly the dumbest way ever. Logan and Virgil are there too.

Warnings: Multiple food mentions, multiple death mentions (but just as humor, no one actually dies), cannibalism mention, censored cursing, inappropriate remarks, Remus being Remus (aka one murder mention & a non-descriptive amputation mention), minor anxiety/panic depictions

Word Count: 4,720

Genre: RomCom

Pairings: Demus/Dukeceit + Platonic Analogical

I hope y’all like my first comedy-centric fic!! Enjoy :>

-

Virgil scoffed. “You do realize this is a terrible plan, right?”

Remus started to pace.

“Quite so,” Logan added, “Why can’t you just court him yourself?”

“Because, uh… I don’t know! I don’t know if he likes me or not and this just seems like a better solution!”

“First of all, me and L aren’t even together,” Virgil leaned his head back onto the couch, staring up at the ceiling.

“And even if we were,” Logan started.

“--Theoretically.”

“--Yes, theoretically romantic partners, I wouldn’t surmise that either of us would be content with going to a clamorous production for our first outing.”

“It’d give me too much social anxiety and Lo just isn’t the type for loud metal music. And ‘Cobra’ would totally get suspicious about it! He may be a clueless moron, but he’s not a fool.”

“Hey, only I can use Cobra for his nickname! It’s mine,” Remus pouted, hurling his hands towards the ground.

“Virgil’s correct, though. So why is this a better solution again?” Logan raised an eyebrow.

“Listen, could you guys just do this one favor for me?” Remus threw his hands up. “It’ll work great. He loves spying out and being all sneaky and cute and stuff. Virgil is his nemesis and Logan, you’re my nemesis, so it’ll be a great spying session together! It’ll be perfect! It’ll be like we’re not even on a date at all. Casual.”

Virgil and Logan still weren’t convinced.

“You guys still owe me for the bottle of Hidden Valley ranch I chugged last week that you bet I couldn’t chug,” Remus aimed an accusatory pointer finger at Logan and Virgil.

“We never bet that,” Logan pointed out. “You just wanted to guzzle ranch dressing like you would a glass of water after a temperate summer day, and we watched you do it, in front of us. It was deplorable.”

“I still have chills from seeing that,” Virgil shivered. “Ugh..”

Remus defeatedly sighed. “Okay, okay, I get it. You guys are right. But please? I really want to go out with him but I have no idea how he feels about me and I’m too scared he’ll say no. Could you just please do this for me?”

“Wait, let me get this right, let me make sure I’ve got this one-hundred percent down,” Virgil lifted his hand. “So you want me and Logan to go on a concert ‘date’ to see bands we don’t know and don’t care about when we aren’t even together just so you can convince Deceit to come spy on us with you so you can nonchalantly go on a casual date with him and then… what, go out with him?”

A pause. “Yes.”

Logan immediately replied “No.”

“Please! I’ll pay for the tickets. And the concessions. And the band shirts too! It’ll be fun! Please???”

The two started to consider it, albeit reluctantly.

“And I’ll never drink another bottle of ranch ever again.”

“You got a deal,” Virgil nodded.

Remus lit up with a beaming smile, shaking his arms and squealing, almost bouncing right off the carpet.

Virgil leaned over to Logan. “It’s weird to see him excited like this. It’s like he’s Patton or something.”

“Agreed. Him being expressive in wholesome emotions is as common an occurrence as aerodynamic swine.”

“Thank you so so so much!” Remus cheered, running over to the couch and lifting up both Logan and Virgil in a ginormous bear hug. Swol.

“Yep-- sure thing, can you please put us down now?” Virgil choked out.

“Oh. Right.” Remus dropped the two of them back onto the couch.

“So this shall be occurring Friday evening?” Logan confirmed, fixing his glasses that were askew from the landing.

“According to the schedule, yeah! I’ll bring over the tickets by tomorrow. Thank youuuu~!”

“You’re, reluctantly, welcome,” Logan nodded.

“I’ll take it!” Remus shouted as he immediately sunk down into his room.

And thus began the terrible plan.

-

It started off simple enough. The plan was set into motion the day Remus bought the four tickets, two for the “couple” and another two for himself and Deceit. He then decided to approach the matter of asking Deceit to go spy with him in a nonchalant, calm, put-together, casual way.

“Deceit, Deceit, you won’t belieeeeve what I heard Virgil and Logan are doing this Fridayyyy!” Remus yelled, just having risen up into Deceit’s room.

Deceit set down the book he was in the middle of reading. “What did you hear?”

“Oh my gosh!” Remus pranced over, rolling himself over the top of Deceit’s couch and collapsing onto its cushions stomach-down, holding his chin in his hands and waving his legs back and forth. “I heard that they’re going out on a date together!”

Deceit crossed his left leg over his right one, holding his hands together in his lap. “Really?”

“I swear, it’s true! I just overheard them. Oh it was so sweet and adorable and disgusting. You should’ve heard the cutesy things Virgil said to Logan, you would’ve love-hated it so much.”

Deceit started to smirk. “Truly horrid. Did you happen to hear where they were going?”

Remus cackled loudly. “Ohohoh, you bet I did! They’re going to the punk band concert across town. We have got to go and see what they’re doing out there!”

“Certainly,” Deceit agreed. “I remember the outdoor concert stage has a chain-link fence around it that we can hide behind to watch through. You remember, from the other time we spied on Virgil?”

“There’s no need for scouting around fences and thorny bushes!” Remus grinned, flaunting two tickets in his hand. “I already bought us tickets.”

“My my, Squid, such a rascal!” Deceit teased. “We are absolutely going.”

Remus smiled pridefully. His plan was working!

Now all that was left was the entire rest of the plan and making sure this thing didn’t hit the fan. Oh, right. Whoops. Remus forgot about that.

-

About a half-hour before the performance was when the actual plan’s doings started.

Remus, Logan, and Virgil all met outside the concert entrance by the chain-link fence. And Remus, to say the least, was disappointed.

“You two look like this is some Saturday lazy-day shindig!” Remus scoffed.

“I thought this was a casual gathering, wasn’t it?” Logan asked, dressed in a checkered flannel short-sleeve and denim jeans.

“Yeah, but you’re too casual! Where’s the style, the finesse, the pizazz? I’d wear these outfits to my own court trial, and that is not a good thing!”

“What’s wrong with casual?” Virgil asked, dressed in an oversized black hoodie and black jeans.

“You’re supposed to be going on a date together!”

“So?” Logan continued.

“These outfits!” Remus gestured madly. “They aren’t date-worthy!”

“You’re not that fancily dressed either, Mr. Only-Tuxes-On-Dates.”

Virgil was justified in that comment, seeing as Remus was dressed in a thin gray tank top and short black biker shorts, the combat boots he wore not adding anything to his leg coverage.

“Deceit doesn’t know that this is a-- oh whatever. You two know what to do, right?”

“As in what to do in order to imply that Virgil and I have romantic relations with one another?” Logan affirmed.

“Yes. Holding hands, leaning on the shoulder, maybe a peck on the cheek if you’re feeling a bit special. Got it?”

“Sure. Don’t expect me to be all touchy-feely, though,” Virgil shrugged. “That’d just make Deceit even more suspicious.”

Remus peered over his shoulder and quickly panicked. “He’s coming!”

“Speak of the devil,” Logan commented.

“Here’s your twenty bucks, spend it on whatever you’d like,” Remus shoved a twenty dollar bill towards Virgil, who grabbed it hastily and stuffed it in his hoodie pocket. “Ok, good? Go to the stage! Quickly!” Remus stammered out, shoving Logan and Virgil towards the concert entrance that was decked out with metal detectors and security and all.

“You’re welcome,” Virgil snidely remarked, before walking away saying “You know idioms, L?”

“I do know some.”

Remus then started to nervously whistle as Logan and Virgil entered the stage together, his whistling having added nothing to the cool persona he tried to assume as he leaned on the chain-link fence, one foot up and the other on the ground, and tilted his head up towards the starry night sky, a.k.a. Cool Guy 101, despite being in Florida heat and not being any bit ventilated whatsoever.

He quickly snuck a few glances at Deceit, who slowly approached the stage with his hands in his leather jacket pockets, his Converse-clad feet stepping against the sidewalk, his black jean-clad legs swishing against each other, his hair that was tucked into a floppy black hat waving slightly as he walked, and he still didn’t notice Remus yet on his way over.

He then, soon after, did notice Remus and lit up with a sly smile. Remus, in turn, gave back the same sly smile. Or at least he thought it was sly; maybe his smile pertained more to those exuberant drool-dripping bulldog beamings than it did a smile of a Cool Guy 101.

“Can you believe that they’d have such good taste for venues?” Deceit greeted. “I’d suspect they would’ve taken a spot at the local Barnes & Noble for their first date, if not a dusty old library filled with mites.”

“Right? That or an abandoned haunted house,” Remus added, causing Deceit to add a chuckle in response. “I just saw them go in!”

“Well then, we have to follow along!” Deceit locked his arm in Remus’s and speedily guided them over to the concert entrance, to which Remus immediately panicked because OH GEEZ ALMIGHTY HE GRABBED ONTO MY ARM ALREADY THIS IS GOING WAY BETTER THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD.

They handed over their two tickets, explored the concessions venue and the merch stands, both of which being insanely overpriced (as Deceit put it, “I could buy a car for the same price of this whole merchandise stand,” and as Remus put it, “I could bail myself out of jail for manslaughter with that much”), and eventually grabbed their standing spots near the back left of the crowd, a perfect viewpoint for the middle right spot Virgil and Logan managed to nab.

Perfect! The plan was going great. Now just to make sure the concert went well, and that Virgil and Logan didn’t mess this whole romance thing up before Remus did (or more than Remus already had). Oh boy.

-

As the night continued and as the real spying began, it became painstakingly obvious that Deceit could tell something was off.

“They aren’t even holding hands,” Deceit whisper-yelled under the blare of the speakers that just were starting to rev back up once another punk band took the stage, dyed mohawks and piercings and all. “You’d think they’d be more like--” Deceit quickly grabbed Remus’s hand and lifted it in the air, cheering loudly “Wooo!”

And as Deceit grabbed his hand and lifted it into the air, Remus started to feel himself slip into what is diagnosed clinically as the terrifying “gay panic,” and if the crowd cheering and the guitar riffs weren’t as loud, his cursed emoji heavy breathing would be the loudest noise at the concert.

Deceit then quickly let go of Remus’s hand afterward, giving Remus a moment for his heart to restart from its brief 5k marathon inside his ribcage.

There were a few of those moments interspersed between blaring music and Deceit’s skittish gossip, such gossip being:

“Do you see that? Only halfway through do they even brush palms. What is this, some sort of middle school dance?” Deceit chittered.

Remus, of course, laughed and agreed outwardly, but inwardly he ran over to Logan and Virgil and slapped them so hard their faces turned as pink as a rare-cooked filet. No, not rare, an uncooked filet. How could they mess something as easy as holding hands and shoulder leaning up so bad?!

Although, thankfully, Deceit never seemed suspicious of this activity or doubtful of them going out together; he just gossiped about it and made scathing commentary of the two sides, which was pretty funny to listen to.

It was also strangely personal and revealing as well.

“If this is the stuff that passes for a romantic relationship, we might as well already be married,” Deceit commented at one point during the show when the final band was being announced.

“Hah! Right?” Remus agreed, but he was, once again, dying of gay panic internally. Did Deceit mean anything by that, getting married?! Send some clear signals here, dude, Remus cursed internally, ‘cause right now they’re more mixed than a Russian roulette bowl of M&Ms and Skittles and aquarium gravel! And Remus would only willingly eat one of those! (Hint, it’s not the edible options.)

Deceit gave a short chuckle in response before ushering him and Remus out of the concert hall so Logan and Virgil wouldn’t find them spying.

“Thanks for taking me along to spy,” Deceit bopped Remus in the arm, grinning, as they walked out. “That was fun!”

“Yeah!” Remus smiled widely, his teeth shining through his pointed lips. “We’ve got to do this again!”

“For sure. Let me know when they’ve got another ‘date,’” Deceit used air quotes, causing Remus to let out a hearty belly laugh in response.

“Seeya,” Deceit waved his hand and started to walk back home.

“Bye.”

Remus stared in lovesick longing, holding onto the part of his arm that Deceit bopped. Remus wondered if he could amputate the arm and keep it in his room to admire. He can regenerate limbs, right? He’s technically imaginary. It’d be like refusing to wash your face after someone pecks you on the cheek, except even gorier and also very much creepier.

Before he could decide that, though, the concert hall emptied into the sidewalk and across the various crosswalks around the busy street. And soon enough Logan and Virgil walked out together, arm-locked-in-arm, talking together.

They then spotted Remus and saw no Deceit around. Virgil slipped his arm out of Logan’s and headed over.

“So how was your ‘playdate’?” Virgil mocked.

“Hah!” Remus cackled, “If anyone was play-dating out there, it was you two. I can’t even count the number of times he pointed out how virginal you both were for holding hands!”

“Personally I thought we were quite convincing as a romantic pair,” Logan commented, “Not all couples have to be favorable towards PDA, you know.”

“Sure, sure. But where’s the fun in that?” Remus shrugged.

“Whatever. We went to your concert and did your date thing,” Virgil grumbled. “At least it’s over now.”

A car zoomed by, kicking loose gravel up onto the sidewalk.

“Go on another date!” Remus blurted out.

“What?” Logan and Virgil uttered at the same moment.

“You have to!” Remus started. “I told Deceit that we’d have to go on another one of our spying sessions and it’d be stupid to say that you went on just one date together!”

“We only acceded to one date,” Logan started.

“And if you aren’t little b*tches, you can go on another,” Remus scoffed. “How hard can it be?”

“hOw hArD CaN It bE?” Virgil mocked. “I think I’m gonna lose my hearing by 40 thanks to that scream-fest if you’re that curious.”

“That still means you got a good 10 years left. And you might as well go on another! It’ll be fun. And hey, you guys can go somewhere you’d like this time. My treat.”

“Your treat my a**,” Virgil huffed.

“I’m assuming nowhere in the house nor at any public library counts as an ideal date spot to you.” Logan rolled his eyes.

“No, actually, those could work.” Remus’s eyes brightened up. “Yeah! Those could work!”

“Wait, really? You were just talking about how we were supposed to be wearing suit-jackets to this concert thing, like, 2 hours ago.” Virgil tilted his head. “How can either of those places meet your standards, oh modern reincarnate of Eros himself?”

“I’m flattered by that, Virgin Sanders,” Remus bowed, Virgil grumbling all the same, “but really, where were you thinking of inside the house?”

“I’m not entirely sure. Your room, Virgil?” Logan turned to the anxious side, who just shrugged and mumbled in response “Sure.”

“Great!” Remus clapped. “This’ll be great. Me and Dee already know the best hiding spots there where no one can find us, so that’ll be a piece of cake.”

“How do you know th--”

“That’s beside the point!” Remus interrupted. “That is a fabulous idea! Oooh, I’ll have to tell Dee all about this. Thank you thank you thank youuuuu~! Toodaloo!” Remus cheered, waving his hand and briskly walking down the sidewalk and back to the house, thinking all the while about the next date.

“Seriously, how do Remus and Deceit know where to hide in my room?”

-

Now, of course, the second date went on as the first did. Deceit and Remus spied on Logan and Virgil doing vaguely friend/couple things, Deceit mocked them a few times and Remus narrowly avoided death from gay panic much more than a few times.

But, of course, there had to be the inevitable “Let me know when they’ve got another date” from Deceit at the end of the spying session.

And, okay, sure, Remus and Logan and Virgil only agreed on one more date, but Remus thought that it should be fine to violate that plan for just one more, right? Also Remus has no self-control and it’d be easier for him to find a frog with sixty legs than to deny himself.

“No! How many times do we have to tell you this?” Virgil groaned.

“Pleaseeee!!!” Remus whined, “I swear, this’ll be the last oneeeee!”

“That’s precisely what you promised when you brought a raccoon into the living room last week before you proceeded to bring in four more throughout the rest of the week.” Logan regarded. “How can we possibly confide in your claim this time?”

“But it’s fuuuuuuun for you twooooo…” Remus fussed, collapsing onto the floor like a toddler having a tantrum in the middle of a grocery store because mom said no fruit snacks. “And it’s fun for me and Deeeee…”

“You know what?” Virgil threw his hands up. “Fine. If we go on another date and it’ll make you stop whining, we’ll do it. But just one more.”

Little did Virgil know him and Logan would proceed to go on three more dates together.

The whole situation escalated from a movie date to hanging out in Logan’s room playing board games to a high class dinner, fancy clothing requirement and all. How Remus convinced them to go? No one knows.

(He said he’d pay with Thomas’s credit card and he dressed them both up all fancy-like for free with the finest of the mindspace boutique, aka Roman dressed them and Remus dolled over them the whole time.)

In the end, Logan and Virgil did indeed end up going on a “date” to an ornate restaurant together, dressed in usual navy blue tie and black polo with an added white suit jacket and a purple button-up with a black tie and a black suit jacket respectively. The shiny crystal chandeliers hanging from the ceiling and the dainty white tablecloths and the five types of forks and spoons on the table that were ultimately exactly the same made the fact that the date was forced slightly more bearable. But not by much.

“Can you believe this? Virgil fumed, seconds away from chopping himself in half like a piece of Wagyu filet. “We only ever agreed on one, and now we’re on our fifth date, thanks to that dumb duke.”

“Personally I don’t entirely mind these get-togethers. In essence they’re more platonic dates than anything.”

“But he’s making us do this! Go on dates! Act like a couple, like we’re some sort of— puppets!” Virgil whisper-yelled, clutching his fists together on the dainty table cloth.

“I really don’t understand what’s the cause of your endless frustration, Virgil. Sure Remus has been a bit critical of our ‘performances,’ if you’ll call them that, but these are really just friend hangouts. We don’t even go out much anyways,” Logan reasoned, stirring around a gold-trim patterned bowl of French onion soup.

Virgil grumbled, putting his head down on the table.

Meanwhile, Remus and Deceit sat a few tables across and watched the madness transpire like you would watch a matador from the spectator stands let chaos run face-first into them, except replace the matador with someone from the stands and that’s more accurate to the kind of madness that was going on.

“I wonder what dear Virgil is so upset about?” Deceit pondered, his chin resting in his hands as he watched, not at all discreetly, the two dining.

“Oh pFF, he’s probably mad that he’s here instead of at his MCR concert,” Remus sputtered out, anxiously watching Logan and Virgil bicker senselessly a bit across from them.

Virgil, at the same time, felt himself slipping into hysteria. “This is all Remus’s fault! He’s doing this for himself! Doesn’t even care how we feel—”

“Virgil, calm down—”

“I do not need to calm down!”

A waiter walked by Deceit and Remus’s table, refilling their water glasses.

Deceit watched Logan and Virgil in what seemed like excited delight, a rather creepy sight for anyone at the nearby tables, while Remus, the obviously creepier one of the two, watched in anxious wait, bouncing his leg up and down on the softly carpeted floor.

Up and down went Remus’s leg, over and over, as his mind started to race. Would Deceit catch Remus in this lie? Would he finally found out that this whole mess was a contrived scheme in order for Remus to stealthily evade Deceit’s possible rejection? And what if Deceit did reject him once he found out? Would Remus die of grief? Would he spontaneously combust? Would he have to get a new identity and move to New Jersey?!

“Remus,” Deceit interrupted, and Remus’s head twisted back over quickly.

“Huh?”

“You seem uneasy,” Deceit said, his concern lacing his words like ribbons on gifts. “Are you quite alright?”

“Huh? Lil ol’ me? Of course!” Remus smiled lopsidedly, his leg still bouncing on the ground.

Deceit tapped Remus’s leg with his foot. “If this is any proof, you very clearly aren’t.”

Remus mounted his leg on the ground. “Just excitedly waiting in anticipation, that’s all! I can’t wait to see what will happen next with Logan and Virgil.”

Deceit squinted his eyes. “I hope you think I’m not stupid enough to believe that.”

“No, uh!!-- I don’t think you’re stupid--” Remus stammered out.

“Come on, let’s go outside for a minute, shall we?” Deceit stood up from the table, brushing off his suit jacket buttoned tightly over his yellow button-down.

Remus stood up as well, twisting the edge of his black suit jacket around his fingers.

Deceit led Remus outside, and at that point the moon had already awoken to begin the night. A dark cloak blanketed the sky as tiny snowflake stars dotted the night. A light breeze flowed through the air as Deceit and Remus walked over to a white metal bench in front of the restaurant. They both sat down as a car drove past.

“Should we have not come to spy here?” Deceit asked.

“No, no, it was a great idea,” Remus reassured, eyes fixed ahead.

Deceit frowned. “You can tell me if it wasn’t.”

Remus took in a breath, about to admit to Deceit the whole reason these spying sessions existed, aka about to do something without thinking, aka about to follow the same line of thinking he has when he does anything. “Dee--”

That is, he was going to do that, until a scream shattered the air. “DECEIT!” it cried.

The yell came from Virgil, who had madly burst through the doors and approached their bench, and Logan was not far behind.

“Oh sh*t,” Deceit cussed under his breath. “Our cover’s blown.”

Remus, meanwhile, was wondering if a bolt of lightning was about to hit him because of the awful luck he was having.

“You never had any ‘cover’ to begin with,” Virgil huffed. “We’ve known that you two were here since the beginning.”

“What?” Deceit stared confusedly. “How?”

“How? HOW?! Are you really that dumb?!?” Virgil accused, causing Deceit to gasp daintily and, of course, in great offense to Virgil’s statement. “Remus forced us to go on these dates so he could avoid asking you to go out with him! Me and Logan aren’t even together! So now you two spy on us while me and Logan were dragged along to be the reason you two could hang out!”

Deceit raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you wanted to be a comedian, Virgil.”

“He’s right,” Remus admitted, his head slumped towards the ground.

“Wait, really?” Deceit turned towards Remus.

“Yeah..” Remus frowned, looking up at Deceit.

“So you set up all of these dates for Logan and Virgil just so we could hang out because you were scared that I’d reject you otherwise?”

Remus nodded shamefully.

“Oh, Squid,” Deceit whimpered. “You know I never judge you for anything, right?”

Remus turned away, his head pointed back at the ground.

Deceit sorted through his words, assembling them into meaningful sentences like scattered puzzle pieces into a complete picture. “What I’m saying is, yes. I will go out with you. And…” Remus turned to Deceit. “...I’m rather honored to have been given this much of your dedication.”

Remus met Deceit’s eyes and brightened up immediately, his smile resembling those wide, cheery smiles of dribbly-drooly but still charming bulldogs.

Deceit gave a small grin back in return.

“Alright lovebirds, are we going back inside now or what? A bowl of French onion soup is waiting for me and I wanna get my money’s worth.”

“Hmph. Fine,” Deceit pouted. “Let’s go then. I personally want to try some Wagyu beef, don’t you, Remus?”

“Yeah! Say, have you seen that video where people talk about if there was a Wagyu program for humans and if they’d join it or not?” Remus stood, taking Deceit’s arm in his.

“I haven’t, please tell me more,” Deceit stood as well, him and Remus walking back inside the glassy restaurant doors.

“Alright,” Virgil started, “Now that that’s sorted, let’s get back in. It’s cold and I saw they have pasta here, and you know that I’d die for good pasta,” Virgil headed back towards the door, hands stuffed in his dress pants pockets.

“I certainly do know that,” Logan trailed behind. “What kind of pasta do they serve?”

“Get this, spaghetti carbonara.”

“That’s it, we’re ordering two plates,” Logan declared.

Virgil raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, possibly three. The third being for takeout. If they offer that option.”

“There’s my pasta nerd,” Virgil smirked.

The two of them headed back into the sparkly clean restaurant doors, no longer as a pretend couple but now as friends, and really, that was quite a relief.

-

The rest of the meal went well. Deceit and Remus were pleasantly surprised by the Wagyu (although Remus did make an offhand comment about the portion size of the steak being smaller than cow d*ck and how it probably actually was cow d*ck) and Virgil and Logan did indeed order three plates of pasta and managed to finish all three since the restaurant didn’t do takeout and because they didn’t find that out until after they got their food and they weren’t about to waste a good plate of pasta.

After the meal, instead of Deceit’s usual comment of “Let me know when Virgil and Logan go on another date together,” Deceit just smiled and said “This was fun!”

“Yeah, it was!” Remus smiled back, his teeth beaming through his pointed lips.

“So, would next Tuesday work for our next outing?” Deceit asked.

Remus nodded excitedly. “Yep!”

“Perfect. Say, how about we go to the reptile expo across town? I heard it was going to be all next week.”

“I love it! They won’t notice if we take a python or two home with us, will they?”

Deceit burst out laughing. “Oh Squid, you’re such a hoot!”

And Remus just smiled and laughed along, because now this wasn’t Logan and Virgil’s date anymore, it was their date and their date alone.

-

#i had a ton of fun writing this bdjehd #lmk what yall think!! this is my first comedy centered fic after all #enjoy!!! :)) #long fic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides #sanders sides comedy #deceit sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #food mention #dukeceit #demus sanders sides #demus #romantic demus #platonic analogical

[icharchivist]

Kind of a weird curiosity. But I remembers years ago when there was talk over what it'd be like if Allen had been a girl instead (I even read a girl!Allen fic about her time with Cross. It was surprisngly good. Probably because it had no shipping =p). For some reason I just start thinking about that topic again and I wonder how Allen and Lavi's dynamic would be? For the most part I don't see most of Allen's dynamics changing at all (except more (more) fanboys. Lol). But then I remembered Lavi -

2 and I think it's been pointed out Lavi treats females a bit differently. He doesn't seem to prank or tease them as much as the males (not that he's the perfect gentleman either. Komui Talks makes me wonder how innocent he actually is XD). Nor give them nicknames. With this is mind I wonder if Lavi would still act the exact same (chaotic prankster. Touchy feely physically. Retaliating over rough housing) or if he'd tone some things down but do other things more (maybe try to be more like a -

3 big brother initially if he kinda of bases off from Lenalee and Komui, w/o the complex, to get closer to a female Allen?). Lol, Idk. This is kind of more of a Lavi meta question since it's been stated Allen's relationship is utterly crucial to Lavi's character. Again, I'd be curious if a dynamic w/girl Allen would be slightly different or the exact same (in a you're an exception. And people bop him more because 'stop picking on a sweet girl' while Allen cackles menacingly from behind).

Oh my this is... interesting to think about.

I think it’s fair to start with... the fact that Allen was originally a girl. Or more- when Hoshino pinched the idea to Shounen Jump she made a one shot with a main character called Robin. Here you can find it. And Robin... was an akuma. A girl in a boy’s body. Long story short, you can read the one shot if you hadn’t yet - but ye that was originally the character we were going with.It’s to argue that it would make a point for Robin planned as a transwoman in those instances.

According to the Gray Arc however, when the series became serialized, her editors were against the idea, because “No one would care if a girl would be crying”. That’s litterally word for word the reasoning. So Hoshino had to scrap it.

and she mentions quickly that it was one of the reasons she had no idea what to do with Allen to start with. He kinda started with him being a revamp of her character. (What I admire a lot with Hoshino is how much Her Vision can be affected by little things? Like how Lenalee became an entiere different person in her head the moment her editors forced her to have her with long hair.)

There’s also the elephant in the room that considering the timeperiod it was originally written. DGM was originally published with some big name shounen, Shounen Jump had some control over some choices, would react to fan backlashes (Lenalee being forced to have her hair long again is among those btw) ect... I mean like I think people may take for granted that for instance, the Alma arc was a complete anomaly when it came out in 2009/2010. That it had like. Major effects on fanbases. I’ve seen so much dudebros yell at this arc while i was thriving my friend. And tbh before the Alma arc DGM was often lurped in the “basic Shounen” category. A lot of people argued about the tropes it had to follow or not, and if this sort of things had any impact on the writting of the manga earlier? I can see how things wouldn’t go smoothly.(The Alma arc rooted out all the bad dudebros i’ve known of though. I don’t even care what people’s reaction nowadays are to it, to me back then, from the experience i got from fandom, it was revolutionary when it came out.)

I’ve stired away sorry, but Lenalee also works better, bc I know Hoshino fought for the Alma’s arc and that her editors didn’t agree with the direction she was taking. But if you read some of the interviews of the Grey Arc specifically, you see that Hoshino was constantly told how to rewrite Lenalee to fit a male audience sort of. Her editor pushed her to have long hair bc “that’s the kind of idol he found cute”, there was a complete backlash when Hoshino managed to cut her hair, the fans supported the editors, Hoshino talks all about it with such a bummer because “her Lenalee” had short hair. (also during that specific interview her editor calls her a moron. Later on she got called very annoying for sassing her editors after they called her dumb when she had a writter block writting the 14th song, and she sassed them asking for help going “since you’re far more intelligent than me-”. And the editor failled hard, Hoshino didn’t even use his writting, and the editor insulted her for being bossy. Needless to say I’ve since then been filled with anger with how the early days of DGM must have been hard on Hoshino).

I’m forced to make this preface because I truly think it would have affected Allen’s writting had he been a woman. 

If i’m optimistic i would like to think that nothing much would change because Allen’s writting kinda transend genders. But If i’m realistic i know it wouldn’t have happened.

As for Lavi specifically (wouh 7 paragraphs in and i’m finally touching the point of this post) the thing is that he also has a soft spot for women. (I mean i personally would argue he describes Dug as “cute” far too much in his novel to be 100% straight but he at least show his attraction to women more easily in the manga). 

And ye he does tend to treat the women differently but he also doesn’t... have a lot of women to be around to. I mean Lenalee whom he respects (and can be worried Komui will kill him if he tries anything), Miranda that he kinda met at the wrong time? He was always so overly serious around her because he was griefing and we didn’t see him with her at all since he got better. Aside then from his occasional crushes, that he does let himself feel, he didn’t really have an opportunity to spend more time with those women.

My point is just that the women he had met don’t help us set up a patern about how he treats them more casually: in term of pranks for exemple. Like in the day-by-day, we only have Lenalee and Miranda, and pranking Lenalee would be really putting a target on him to be murdered by Komui, while I would argue that Miranda’s anxiety (and the circumstances in which Lavi met her) would make him go softer on her. It doesn’t mean we know for sure he wouldn’t tease a woman in his peer surrounding in others circumstances.

I would love to think he would make an exception for Allen if only because of the timing: He was still handling Dug’s recent death and I think even if Allen was a woman the parallelisms would be there for him to be bitter. 

I want to think that because of that Lavi would still have teased Allen normally like he teases guys. But it’s not impossible that he would have treated Allen differently.

I think eventually like... If Lavi recognizes his soft spot for women (that it is with his strikes and whatever) he might actually be more ready to keep a guard up around them? Like I personally think he has a major soft spot for Lenalee but it took eventually Allen shaking everything up for him to acknowledge this soft spot. That he would have otherwise just protected himself against.

That, the reason our Allen was so effective was that Lavi really, really didn’t expect anything like that. and I think expectations would have been his doom, and I am inclined to think if allen had been a woman, he would have had some expecations.

Regardless: The major plot points that changed Lavi’s mind on Allen were emotionally driven and would still have had the same impact had Allen be a girl, i’m convinced of that. 

So it’s only on how he would treat that Allen more casually. And tbh... considering how vicious Allen can be, I feel like if Lavi treated her “more softly”, Allen’s reactions would probably have ended up with Lavi going “nevermind she’s a prick” and tease her just like he teases our Allen. I mean just taking the Vampire’s arc, with a whole joke about when Allen got bitten and that Lavi was lowkey scared because of that that Allen would turn into a vampire- in the term of, Allen being a danger to him. And Allen therefore sassing him because Lavi was being a moron. I don’t see how the gender would have changed anything, and if Lavi did treat Allen softly “as a girl”, I think this sort of things would have stopped him dead in his track as in “ye no she’s a PRINK where is my sharpy i’m gonna draw on her face.”

But that’s wishful thinking. I honestly don’t know and I think a lot of this post is more how i’m tryng to reason it. 

I’m sure more people would be more able to pinpoint exactly the characters and how it would work. I think i can’t ignore what went down backstage in term of the women’s writtings  so i cannot help but let it affect how I would see the manga as written by Hoshino be affected by it. But also perhaps if Hoshino had managed to keep her female main character, she could have gone more “fuck you” to her editors and manage to flesh her out to a point where half of what i’m worrying about wouldn’t even matter. 

If we divorce the story from the backstage stuff, perhaps there would be a complete different take to have - and it’s cool if people get to explore it. I am just... not the one placed for that.

I used to be good at transformative media, like headcanons and fics, and let those a little take over, but I got kinda insecure of my interpretations so i started to rely on canon a lot more. I already get insecure when I push my interpretations of canon too far. So something that really get me out of my comfort zone is not where you’d find the best answers about that, i’m sorry. 

But hey i hope this ask made sense? If not for the second half, at least for the half where I mention the backstages issues.

Take care!

#ichafantalks dgm #idk if it shows that under my very long posts i'm actually totally and completely insecure about the way I interpret media #that's... kinda why I keep repeating that I don't want to let my bias influence my posts #because i'm terrified to do so #I htink also part of the reason i ramble so much is that i'm insecure my thought process doesn't make sense otherwise #and it's only when i have canon to back me up to start with #with fanon i'm... terrified i'm just going to say something widely inaccurate #which is stupid i know fanon is for people to explore everything they want #and i love fanon stuff I just somewhat hold myself to others standarts #probably the fact I associate it more to my teen years or had bad experience and all #but that's a therapy for another day #for now that's all i can give on that topic kjdhfkdj #take care! #Anonymous #ichareply

[brimbrimbrimbrim]

Would Wrench be into Somnophilia? Not as in he gets dirty with LowRes but as in LowRes decides to wake him with a surprise. They have certain codes to give each other like, is Wrench sleeping in the blue boxers? He game! Paint out this dirty scene once more for me, dear!

Dude, as long as he isn’t making LowRes uncomfortable, you know Wrench is down for most anything. Somnophilia with a great little consent factor to make it always awesome and never shady? - fuck yeah. You know he’s game.

Dirty scene painting as follows…

After the many months with Wrench and the several you’d spent sleeping with him in some form or another, especially now that the hackerspace in the Valley was a ‘three times a week’ venture, sometimes more, Wrench has brainstormed a code of sorts.

He devised it after he’d come to bed shit faced and horny after staying up late with B3ta, Ant_Man, and Snickerdoodle (the curvy new chick that maybe had a massive crush on Sitara, of which you were maybe sworn to keep secret). That night you’d been on the brink of sleep, only slightly aware that’d he’d crawled into bed beside you before his fingers were spreading down the flare of your hip, taking the edge of your black underwear with the cuff of his spiked bracelet. Wrench had gotten your panties halfway down your thighs before you’d fully woken up, gasping awake with mask spikes in the back of your head and his hands groping your bare cunt with drunken precision.

“… pretty presumptuous of you,” you’d moaned, half wiggling in pleasant surprise and mock annoyance. He got a heel kicked in his shin - all accidental - and, because he was a wobbly drunk at best, fell off the bed with a ‘whooshing’ screech.

You’d laughed, rolled over and watched with sleepy eyes as he clawed at the mattress like he was Frodo climbing the perilous rock walls of Mt. Doom. Despite the at symbols circling his mask, he was half-sober and slurring together apologies by the time he’d gathered himself.

“Wrench, chill… slow down,” you hadn’t planned on making deals with him that night, but sometimes drunk Wrench came up with simple solutions to potential problems and always made you laugh while doing so. Even trying to articulate yourself through a sleep-fuzz head while Wrench tried to pronounce common words with possible blood-alcohol poisoning, you’d decided it was fair game to wake you up with a surprise if, and only if, you went to bed sans underwear.

Wrench had agreed readily, sliding the mask over his forehead; bangs moving out his eyes and smirked with half-lidded eyes. You watched him heel off his converses, tugging his black socks off and exclaim loud enough for the whole house to hear, “No panties for yooooo! - and no socks for meeee!”

“Wow,” you’d deadpanned, hearing a loud giggle filter through the walls, but decided that ‘no panties and no socks’ rule could work.

He went to sleep naked far too often to make his rule be the no boxers thing, and you were pretty sure he only owned red boxers… silly, sexy things with the red stars that literally made your tongue wet just looking at them, so your idea of blue striped boxers or something of the equivalent was quickly shot down.

So, everything got hashed out that night and despite Wrench being too drunk to do more than grope and fumble, you’d had a nice sleepy orgasm and got to nuzzle up to a warm, touchy-feely Wrench which was never not amazing.

After your conversation that night there hasn’t been a single moment where Wrench has gone to sleep with his socks on… although this particular morning is the only one where you’ve both been back in your room at the house in the Valley for nearly a week.

Usually, Wrench wakes up before you, or he’s hungover, and you take pity on him and let him sleep it off, but last night you both ended up getting dragged around the city on a breadcrumb trail of illegal shenanigans that ended up in a clusterfuck of a car chase. Marcus and T-Bone had been hugging the dash and steering wheel respectively, speeding down Oakland before the four of you ended up in a ravine with a blown engine and Son’s of Ragnarok initiates staring at you from the storm tunnels.

Needless to say, by the time you’d both escaped the fire, stole a bike outside one the Son’s-owned bars, thinking nothing of the potential death warrants that’d follow if you’d been caught, you and Wrench both sped to your room in Silicon Valley and collapsed dead on the mattress. The sheets on your naked skin say you’d have enough energy to throw off your sweaty, smoke-laced clothes but the memory of disrobing is lost for all eternity.

Snickerdoodle is an early riser, and through the thick walls, you can hear her grinding coffee beans in the kitchen. The gentle hum almost brings the smell of blue mountain grounds to your nose - almost makes you wanna get up, but you’ll make a cup later… it’s too early for coffee just yet, especially after the evening you’ve had.

Your phone reads a little after five, which means you’ve only been asleep for three hours, but while you’re tired, it’s impossible to switch off now that you’re awake. All the sirens, blasting in your ears and blinding you from the back seat of that sports car, were replaying in your head on a noisy loop. The phantom gunshots were particularly unnerving…

The darkness of your’s and Wrench’s room makes the perfect backdrop for recent memories.

Stale adrenaline becomes new adrenaline as your mind rewinds the evening, adding deleted scenes of mayhem and alternate endings of grizzly outcomes. It was just as wild and terrifying as that night you’d first hooked up with Wrench. The car chase, the cops firing off their pistols and you in shock as the evening unfurled. No one got hurt last night, except Ray… who claimed Wrench tripped him on their short foot chase outside Son’s territory… and honestly, that was possible given the way those two had been fighting lately.

Feeling sweaty and raw - old panic resurfacing - you roll over, feeling Wrench’s arm draped on your waist slip and hang down against the small of your back. He snores quietly, shuffles closer - hooked nose on the back of your neck - and sinks deeper into sleep.

You open your eyes to the dark wall in front of you; covered in selfies and stickers and random poster-crap. It’s dark in here, despite the lava lamp globbing endlessness, but you can still, only slightly, make out the picture Wrench took of the two of you at the pier - that day you’d both snuck up on the crab house roof and snapped those bowtie cock rings at people.

Despite the fire in your stomach, you smile and thumb the picture, focusing on the light pressure of Wrench’s knuckle against your spine.

Under the sheets, you’re restless, squirming until your heels brush Wrench’s shins and skim down… toes curled, and the sudden idea of hot, sticky sex leaves you so hopeful that the bare skin you find on Wrench’s foot makes you sigh.

Fuck.

Thank fuck, you think, carefully twisting back around until Wrench’s nose wiggles at the tickle of your hair sliding against his face. He mouths the pillow cover in his sleep and moans. A little patch of drool-damp pillow makes your bite your tongue to keep from giggling like a fucking moron. He’s too cute sometimes.

Too cute and it’s times like this that he actually looks innocent.

Oh, shit… you smirk, focusing on the way his naked chest catches the soft orange glow from the lava lamp and not how close you’d both come to getting your heads blown off. Wrench is alive, and so are you, and thinking any more about what could have been would only ruin what was - and what was, was fine and dandy. He was also about to get woken up with a mouth hug.

Dude had no idea…

It’s obvious he’s been eager to get ‘woken’ up with your first curled around his dick if the lack of socks since last week has been any indication, but you’ve got a better idea. What guy wouldn’t enjoy waking up with wet, warm lips around their cock? Blowjob for the win, you think, licking your the lower plush of your mouth at the peaceful expression of content, ignorant-looking Wrench.

Carefully, even though you’re sure you could twist his nipples and he’d remain as unconscious as a Snorlax, you lift the edge of the sheets and shimmy your way underneath. His skin is hotter the further down you get until the heat bakes off his stomach and against your lips, his hip burns softly.

You sigh, inhaling the warm musk of smoke mixed with stale old spice off his skin before tasting the leftovers of salty sweat from last night.

Wrench tastes like the crimes you’d committed last night; car theft and police chases and something sweet too, much like the tenderness he’d shown in between it all. The little things… like shoving you behind him when the guns came out or running his hands down your body when the car smashed into the concrete ravine, checking for anything broken or bruised.

Excited about indulging him, you kiss Wrench’s warm pelvis, rest a palm on his stomach and open your mouth up over the semi-stiff length of his cock. Under your fingers, his abdomen twitches at the hot leak of your breath on his dick. As your lips close and suckle around the tip of his cock - tongue working the mental until it’s slippery and sliding back and forth through his puffy skin - Wrench makes the thinnest wheeze of breath you’ve ever heard.

Above the sheets, you can hear Wrench swallow and grunt as you work him over; slow and moist. His right leg kicks out, and with a heavy exhale he shifts over on his back; deflating. The muscles under the hot skin of his stomach bounce as you draw him in deeper and tongue the stiffening root under his cock, bringing him to full hardness. With every gentle suck and flick of your tongue - flat and firm - Wrench starts to wake up.

“… fuck, what-“ he groans; sleep clogged and shaky, “Ohhh… oh, shit…”

The sound of his voice makes you moan around him, easing another hand over his hip to keep him steady as he jolts with realization. Once his brain catches up to his cock, he sinks back into the bed with a lengthy, indulgent groan.

Imagining what his face must look like, makes moisture flood between your thighs. A pleasant little itch starts to grow until you squeeze them together sharply, moan around his cock and plant your elbows at his sides, fitting yourself between his open legs. As you bob your head up and down, feeling the silky slide and salty taste of him on your tongue and inner cheeks, you decide that Wrench doesn’t get enough blowjobs. He deserves all of them, every morning and every evening for being so amazing and loving and - ignoring the life or death situations he brings with him - a safe rock to cling to when you need it.

“… shiiiiiit - yes, this is like… fuck me,” he mumbles, arching his hips up until you open your throat, feeling the bulb of his dick piercing down the back of your tongue.

“So, amazzzzing….”

Wrench starts to pant and whispers your name like you’re… well… like you’re giving him legendary head. He threads his fingers in your tangled hair and spreads his thighs until your elbows are dragged off the bed; forearms resting hotly on his sides. His chest rises and falls; breathing ragged and muscles twitching happily. Every little whimper and moan you get above the covers fills your chest with a different warmth. You love this anarchist way too much sometimes and just hearing the effects of your mouth on his cock is enough to make you go full on heart eyes.

“Are we- is this…” Wrench’s breath hitches and his fingers in your hair clench as you slide back and forth, slurping up sloppy trails of spit and start lashing your tongue over his leaking cockhead, “fucking fucking-fuck!”

“Gonna cum,” he gasps; fingers tight and stomach tense.

You engulf his cock again, working the base with a fist and suck the first squirt of cum right out of him. The concentrated taste of semen stains your tastebuds, and with a moan meant just for him, you pull back until the tip of his cock pulses in your mouth and jerk him off on your tongue.

“Uuuuuuuh…,” Wrench nearly gurgles as he finishes, belly rolling and clenching under your hand. The thick meat of his cock pulses out a few last jets of salty jizz.

When he’s on the comedown, Wrench laughs; breathless and hazy and well-fucked. It’s infectious, and as his dick slips from your lips and you swallow the tang of cum, you giggle against his hip until he slides up on an elbow and drags you up his naked body. The air outside the sheets is freezing compared to the heat underneath, and with a grumble, you dive back down and take him with you.

Both of you end up under the covers, warm and fumbling like teenagers; kissing and squeezing and whispering sweet nothings. The warm cocoon of bleary affections is just what you both needed after that evening. All those tense worries you’d had when you first woke up are dashed away with each happy smack of his lips on yours.

“Conspiracy theory time,” Wrench says after kissing you so hard you can’t even taste his cum anymore - as if he’d licked it all out of you, “You’re a synth. Ya know? - one of those skinjobs Decker shoots in the face for a living, cause no way could someone like you be real.”

For the first time since last night, you speak, lips still pressed against his own, “… if anyone’s the robot it’s you. Fucking punk robot… although that doesn’t explain all the cum.”

“Yeah, fair enough. Fembots don’t get as slippery as you do,“ Wrench says it with a wink even though you can’t see it to be sure, “Besides, no one would build one with a face like mine.”

Wrench tugs your close by the heft of your ass and grins before you can tell him to shut the fuck up, giving it his best Schwarzenegger voice and says, “It’s all about dem musclezzzz! - or dem boooobies.”

“Uh’huh, so is it just the tits that do it for guys like you,” you ask, joking as you pet his bed hair down on the back of his scalp. The soft weight of the sheets drapes over your bodies and heads as Wrench pokes your cheek with his nose.

“Tits and ass,” Wrench agrees, pinching your butt cheek and pecks your lips once, twice and then you’re back to melting and licking his tongue until he starts trailing hot, slick kisses down your neck and chest and further still past your stomach until he’s swallowing up the delicate folds of aroused flesh between your legs, making sure - double sure - you’re not actually a robot by making you come undone on his tongue over and over again.

Maybe if you’re extra careful next time, you can get him on the verge of cumming before he wakes up… or, perhaps you can get him off while he sleeps.

That - that would be an interesting…

"Fuck…” you moan.

… experiment.

You can read it again (all 2.5k) on AO3 HERE. You can, if you want, tip your writer HERE.

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