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#Like imagine trauma being that common
supernovasilence · 1 year
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Ok we all talk about the Pevensies' trauma at returning to Earth at the end of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and their trouble readjusting to life there again but think of all the funny/good parts too
They return from the country, and their mom is surprised when all her children hug her at the station. Even Peter, who thinks he's all grown up. Even Edmund, who went away surly and withdrawn. She doesn't know her children haven't seen her in over a decade.
They miss their dear Cair Paravel, but they absolutely do not miss its chamber pots. Indoor plumbing is amazing.
It takes a while to remember how modern technology works, though. How many heart attacks did the siblings give their parents or the professor because they walked into a dark room only to turn on the light and find the children sitting there in the dark. (They were by the window! There was still plenty of light from the sunset! They would have gotten a candle in a minute!) The kids sheepishly remember oh yeah electricity is a thing.
(Edmund has a new electric torch in Prince Caspian. He was so excited to get that torch. Almost more excited than you'd think a kid his age would be, and his parents expect Peter at least to tease him, but the siblings all agree light in your hand at the touch of a switch is terrific.)
Suddenly getting really high grades in some subjects and terrible in others. Their grammar, reading comprehension, spelling, vocab, even penmanship? Amazing. History and geography? They don't remember anything. One time in class Susan forgets Earth is round and wants to die.
Also they can never remember what the date is supposed to be because Narnia uses different months and years. They can estimate time really well by looking at the sun though, and Edmund at least can always tell which way is north etc without thinking about it (again, using the sun)
Okay but how many times did they go to pick something up or reach something and realize they are so much shorter and less muscled than they expect? It's a common sight to see Peter climbing on counters to reach a top cabinet, grumbling about how he's High King this is demeaning. (No he never takes the extra five seconds to grab a stool. He will climb that shelf.)
Peter and Susan being delighted because they are no longer almost thirty. (In a few years Edmund and Lucy will tease them about being old and their parents will not understand.)
Lucy doesn't have to deal with periods anymore for a few years yet. Susan might not either. Heck yeah
Lucy loves to climb into her siblings' laps and be cuddled. In Narnia she eventually she grew too big, but now she is small and snuggleable again. Peter is her favorite, and if she's upset, he'll tickle her and tell bad jokes until she's smiling again, but really she loves cuddling with all her family. She grew up without her parents; how many times did she just want to crawl into her mom's lap and her mom was a world away? Imagine the first time she realizes she can now. Or, imagine one day, a cold and grey sort of day, when the rain is pattering against the windows, and it sounds like the rain on the windows of the Professor's house, that first day they went exploring. It sounds like the day they played hide and seek. It sounds so like the rain on the windows of Cair Paravel, that if Lucy closes her eyes she can imagine she's back there, having tea and chatting with Mr. Tumnus before the fireplace of her room, and soon the rain will stop, and they will go out on the balcony and wave to the naiads and the dryads and the mermaids, who have come out to enjoy the rain and visit one other on the banks of the Great River winding past Cair Paravel down to the sea.
But if Lucy looks out the window, all she'll see is the rain over London, so it's not only a cold and grey sort of day, it's a lonely sort of day too.
Susan and Edmund are playing chess in the living room (and they must have studied with Professor Kirke, thinks their mother, because they certainly weren't that good when they left). Lucy goes over to Edmund, and oh dear, thinks their mother, now he's going to call her a baby and be horrible to her, but instead he picks her up and puts her on his lap without even taking his eyes off the chessboard; it's simply a matter of course.
"Doesn't the rain sound familiar?" says Lucy in a solemn, wistful way.
Their mother doesn't know what that means, but her siblings must, because Susan says, "Yes, Lu, it does,” and Edmund gives her a little hug with his free arm as she tucks herself under his chin to watch the chess match.
(Five minutes later there is a crash from the next room as Peter falls off a counter. Their mother does not understand the words he must have picked up from the Professor, but he's grounded for them anyway. His siblings have no respect for their High King, because they refuse to stop laughing.)
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certainlynotasimp · 11 months
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OH MY GOD. THE WAY I JUST SCREAMED IN MY PILLOW BECAUSE OF YOUR NEW SUNNY FIC AGDGJAEGAJAVSG ITS SOSOSOS CUTE I CANT BREATHEHEHEHEHE. it got me thinking…sunny and miggy are perfect for the one bed trope 😭😭😭😭😭 just imagine miggy acting like it doesn’t effect him, sleeping in the same bad as sunny. i’m already giggling thinking about it. PLEASE WRITE A FIC ABOUT IT WHEN YOU HAVE THE TIME 😭🙏
As Warm As You.
Miguel O’Hara x Female! Reader
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A/N: OMG! Thank you so much for the love and the request! 💕🤍 I personally never read anything from this trope, but I think I made something that can satisfy your fluffy craving😅. But I added some Sunny lore, so maybe this will make up for my ignorance. I’m also sorry it’s kinda short.
A/N: I haven’t seen the movie yet, but this shouldn’t be harmed by it maybe. Also I would like to say that I am using Google Translate for the Spanish phrases I use, so if you are fluent in Mexican Spanish (I think that’s what you call phrases and sayings more common in Mexico.), please comment some criticism my way. Thank you!🤍
Warnings: Trauma, Nightmares, comfort, fluffy bits, One Bed, Miguel is a secret softie, No Use of YN ((Sunny is her nickname, not her name name)), Female pronouns, Google Translate Spanish, Established relationship?
——————-
“Ben?…Ben!”
The little spider’s scream cuts through the screeching sirens. The smog hung around the air as the dying flames stained the sky. Too many flames…Too many places to be at once.
The red staining the dark costume caused bile to build up as the search becomes more desperate.
I have to find him.
The dull pain from nails bending and breaking as the rumble falls around her shaking frame. The choked panting caused the Doctor to find his friend quite easily. His friend desperately searching for something. Someone.
Why can’t I find him?
The question is answered with a patch of dark hair appears under a pile of rumble, the tips stained in red. There was so much…why is there so much…
A howl of pain rings out of the young woman’s throat as she clings to the body, her mentor just steps behind her, helpless as to how he can help her.
No one can help her. Like how no one helped her Ben.
——
A faint flash of orange alerts the sleeping man out of his endless dream. He looks around and doesn’t notice anyone at first. Miguel sighs, his paranoia running wild as he almost thought an enemy broke into his apartment, not that it would be a first. As he lays back down to sleep, a slight drag against the floor brings the hairs on the back of his neck to life.
He may not have a spider-sense, but he certain knew when someone was watching him. His talons burrow at as the sound patters closer to his bed. With out hesitation, he lunges towards the noise, his hands catching the form of an invisible figure as he rams them into the wall. A yelp with a whiff of vanilla and lavender stops him from ripping the invisible person’s throat out.
“Cariño?…” Miguel whispers as he retracts his claws. A faint whimpering emerges from the solid unseen being in front of him as her body materializes in the moonlight. The lines of her spider suit glowing an ethereal green as her mask disintegrates, revealing her tear stained face.
“What are you doing?” His eyebrows furrow as he looks at her suspiciously, despite knowing that she was the only one he knows wouldn’t hurt him. His mind blurs his confusion and frustration as he steps back to allow her to recover from being slammed into the wall. Certainly there wasn’t a big enough emergency that the beloved residential ray of sunshine would leave her room at The Lobby to break into his dimension, and bedroom to come get him.
“You know better than to use the gizmo to…” His scolding comes to a halt when the young woman hugs his figure, burning her head into his firm chest.
His shirt becomes wet with her tears as she sobs. The realization hits him as she whimpers into his touch.
She had the dream again.
No. She had the memory again.
His arms wrapped around her short frame as he buried his nose into her hair. Her scent filled the hole of sorrow her cries burned into him. As he rubs her back, her cries eventually stopped as she pulls away from him, an apology already waiting on her lips.
“I’m sorry, Miggy…it was really bad this time…” She mutters as she tries wiping her tears away as she forces a shy smile.
She felt ashamed for bothering him. Miguel was a busy man and she could have just stayed in her room at The Lobby, but the screams were too much.
His screams were too much.
Miguel doesn’t respond as he heads over to his dresser, pulling open a drawer. His face remaining emotionless as he retrieves a sweatshirt that sparked her familiarity.
The old gray crew neck sweatshirt with a fraying collar and mysterious stains along the sleeves. The old golden initials of NYU were cracked and picked apart due to many trips in the wash and anxious tendencies. A faint blush appears as she remembers the first time she ever saw that sweatshirt, the memory being one of her favorite…it was the first time she felt so warm since that day…
Miguel attracts her attention again when he rolls up the fabric in his hands and forces the neck over her head. Her hair sticking awkwardly as she peers up at Miguel in awe at how caring he was despite his annoyed expression.
“Brazos arriba, Sunshine.” He whispers as he helps her arms through the sleeves. She blindly follows him like a student being instructed. The taller spider stands back as he raises an eyebrow expectantly.
“I appreciate that you enjoy the suit I made you, mi luz.” Miguel states with a slight teasing smile. “But you probably wanna be more comfortable for bed.”
“Oh yea…” The small spider blushes in embarrassment as she disintegrates her suit back into her gizmo device. A shiver travels up her spine as the cold air on her legs, leaving her almost exposed except for the old sweatshirt.
“Now then,” Miguel sighs as he walks back over to his bed and crawls back under the covers. “I have several meetings in the morning, so I need to sleep.”
The little spider shuffles in her spot for a few moments as Miguel closes his eyes, getting ready to sleep again. With a nail between her teeth, the girl heads for the door to go find the couch when Miguel clears his throat. She turns back to look at him when she sees the covers beside him pulled back. Miguel’s open eye glaring at her as he groans. “It would be a lot easier for me to leave in the morning if you are in here and not in my way.”
A warm smile forms on her face as she excitedly comes into his bed. Miguel’s front facing her as his burgundy gaze burns with false annoyance and exhaustion. Miguel sighs as he feels the smaller being’s weight snuggles into his broad chest as expected.
“Thank you, Miggy.” She whispers. Her eyes peering up at him with gratitude and an emotion that only shines for him, his own secret that he will die to keep to himself.
Miguel rolls his eyes as his eyes meet hers, his warm cheeks hidden by the darkness. “Go to sleep, Cariño. You’re gonna need it for training.”
She giggles as she wraps her arms around his waist like a teddy bear. “Sweet Dreams, mi bonita araña..” She mumbles as she closes her eyes. His warmth fills the coldness of her nightmares as sleep draws her to peaceful breaths. Miguel remains frozen for a few moments as he makes sure she is deep in REM sleep before his gaze softens.
His rapidly beating heart acts as her lullaby as he places a kiss on her crown.
“Sweet dreams, mi vida…” He whispers into her scalp as his arms loom around her, acting as her shield before he slips into a sweet slumber in his light’s embrace.
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luvjunie · 9 months
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— headcanons. what life is like for miles!42
a/n: i honestly didn’t mean for these to get so angsty oopsies!! i kept adding on so they’re also very lengthy wc: 1,751
contains: mentions of grief
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Everyone thinks he’s rude and impossible to approach—but that’s a common misconception. In reality, he’s actually quite shy and simply prefers to keep to himself. His quiet nature often causes him to come off ill-mannered, which is completely unintentional on his end and partially the fault of those who assume what he’s like instead of actually getting to know him.
He used to be open to making friends and spending time with peers, but after everyone found out his dad died— which was impossible to prevent considering the man who used to drive him to school now had a giant mural made in his honor— he began receiving a ridiculous amount of pitied stares in the halls, began hearing hushed whispers about how hard things must be for him at home now. And even though they were, he hated that he was being treated differently by those he once kept close to him, like a charity case. As if he were fragile and would break— like he often did when he was alone.
His old friends were supposed to be his distraction, something to take his mind off how he now had to grow up faster than he’d liked. Something to remind him that his trauma hadn’t aged him as much as he feared; that he truly was still a kid at heart. But instead, they served as a constant reminder of the worst thing he’d ever had to live through— skated around him like he’d blow up the second they said the wrong thing; responded with heartfelt condolences instead of laughing with him whenever he’d tell a funny story about his dad. So eventually, he drifted away from them and began keeping to himself all together.
Don’t put him in a box because of his prowler side hustle, this boy is smart as hell!! Especially with one parent now being gone and his mom struggling to pay the bills? He takes his academics very seriously, he has no choice. He has to get it out the mud somehow and he doesn’t have the privilege of skipping classes as much as 1610-miles does. He’s working two years above his grade level in AP Calculus and AP physics, and has been accused of cheating on his tests a couple times due to how fast he completes them, as well as the fact that he has never once asked a question from the seat he chose in the back of the room.
It’s not something anyone would expect, but he enjoys baking a lot and he’s damn good at it too. When he was younger, he’d spent one summer with his Mamá Lena (Rio’s mother), who had him in the kitchen helping her cook and bake almost everyday and it just stuck. It’s a secret talent of his that never really comes up in conversation, and that you wouldn’t know about unless you’ve seen him doing it. His banana bread muffins using a recipe he took months to perfect taste like the gods themselves made them, and he’ll slip one into his mom’s work lunch whenever he makes them because he knows they’re her favorite.
He’s a lover boy at heart, if you were to look into his playlist, the songs you’d find in there probably wouldn’t be what you’d expect. Listens to bobby bland, which was heavily influenced by his uncle, old school rap, and he really likes love songs from the 90s because they make him feel calm, and allow him to imagine what his life would be like if he could have something like what they’re singing about. He’s terrified he’ll never be able to experience that due to his inability to open up to others. And often, he doesn’t even try to express the emotions that are tough to swallow, a firm believer in the saying that ‘once you’re down, it’s hard to get back up.’
Keeps his room pretty clean. It’s probably the one and only thing he has control over in his life, a constant for him. His room is his safe-haven so he treats it as such. It’s basically the same as 1610’s, just with a more matured look, a lot less color and less expression. He unfortunately lost that spark for a lot of his interests, so you won’t see more than a small punching bag, some boxing gloves hanging from the doorknob and few stragglers in the form of posters he didn’t feel like taking down.
He doesn’t like to argue, at all. He hates fighting with anyone he loves and he’s very quick to forgive them or squash the disagreement all together now that his dad is no longer here. When Jeff died, they were still on rocky terms from their previous dispute and even while years have passed, Miles still has yet to forgive himself for that. So now, he usually lets bygones be bygones, and never lets a conversation end on a bad note.
Continued growing his hair out once he realized it was a way for him to bond and spend more time with his mom. Within the little availability they do have, between her working doubles at the hospital, him being pulled in every direction now that he’s the ‘man of the house’—uncle Aaron’s words— and having to do things he’s not proud of to assist her while still going to school during the day, they make the time. Miles only gets it braided by her, and he enjoys the talks they have when he’s sat on the floor between her legs with his back to her. And when she’s done, regardless of how ridiculously embarrassing it is, and how he’s now over a head taller than her, he always lets her pinch his cheeks and call him her ‘handsome little man’. He hasn’t looked at a pair of hair shears since.
On that note, he is very, very defensive when it comes to his mother. Miles is not the kind to go around beating people up just for kicks; mostly because he’s not that kind of person, but also because even if he wanted to— he can’t.
In preparation for stepping into the prowler role Uncle Aaron put Miles into boxing/m.m.a classes when he turned fourteen, and he took to the skill very quickly. So well, in fact, that his hands can now technically be considered deadly weapons in the eye of the law due to his extensive training— which means he could get slapped with a ridiculous assault charge that would have him doing some time in a juvenile correction facility over a simple fist fight. (if he’s not masked as the prowler obviously).
But, some kid in his history class thought it’d be funny to make a slick comment about how Mrs. Morales was ‘single’ and ‘up for grabs’ now that his dad had passed, and the situation ended with Miles suspended for a week after he’d basically thrown his desk over to get to the kid, his knuckles bruised, and a tirade of complaints from the boy’s mother about his now-rearranged nose. However, after hearing the disgusting comment he had made about Miles’ mom, she was kind enough to not press charges and forced her son to apologize to the both of them.
That woman is his saving grace, literally. She stepped up in ways he didn’t even know were possible after his dad died, barely taking time for herself to grieve because she wanted to make sure her little boy didn’t fall apart. He doesn’t let anyone disrespect her and that’s always made known by him. He’s a mama’s boy.
They kind of have a titfortat thing going on, him and his mom. Like how she always stops in to ask him how his day was, if school is going well or if he needs anything, even if the time isn’t ideal and she’s talking to a sleepy Miles at 1am in the morning who can barely keep his eyes open. Or how his uniform is always freshly ironed and laid out for him in the morning, regardless of how exhausted she is and how badly she wants to crawl into bed after her shift. Or how when he’s sick, she’ll drive all the way across town to one of the only fresh markets that sells yuca root and white yautia so she can make him sancocho (a traditional puerto rican dish). It’s the one thing she knows always makes him feel better.
And Miles does nice things for her, too. Like draping a blanket over her sleeping form when she dozes off on the couch in front of the TV. Or making sure her phone is plugged in, so her alarm goes off in the morning, because sometimes she knocks out before she can bring herself to do it. He even goes as far as to secretly slip some extra cash he’s made from a recent job into the ‘RENT’ jar she keeps on her dresser— dropping a hundred in every now and then when she’s not there to see him do it. She’s never once asked him for help, but the one time he took it upon himself to offer it, he was shot down in seconds, and was made to promise her that he wouldn’t worry about it ever again. Her exact words being “You’re too young to worry about something like this mijo, okay? You take all the money you make from your after school job, every single penny, and you save it. Mama’s got this.”
But sometimes, she doesn’t. And Miles knows that she wants to be strong for him. For them. But it takes two, he knows that as well, so he helps out anyway.
And with prayers that they’re not short— Rio counts everything in the rent jar towards the end of the month, and a string of celebratory whoops and hollers will always sound from her room when she realizes they surprisingly have some extra cash that’ll allow her to take some days off and relax for once, and maybe even do something fun together. He’ll listen from his room with a knowing smile, more than happy to let his contributions remain undisclosed to affirm her efforts of providing for them the best she can. With her energy so depleted from how demanding her job is, she’s never suspected it was him discreetly assisting, and chalked it up to her forgetting how much she’d mindlessly dropped in there after each paycheck.
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femsolid · 1 year
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When I was in domestic abuse support groups over on Facebook I quickly noticed that there were a lot of abusive men in it. They claimed to be victims of course. In fact they were convinced to be. They had read up on "narcissistic abuse" and truly believed that their partner or ex was one. In the group I'd see a daily flood of women describing the most horrid shit and the trauma inflicted on them. But men's most common complaint was that their wives had been "withholding sex" which really is a form of abuse they said. Another way these men suffered from domestic abuse was through being dumped. They described a woman leaving them as a form of abuse. So two of the most common ways men are abused are... by women exercising their own free will. Obviously when men describe abuse in such a way you know they are abusive. For example, the complaints about "withholding sex" as abusive are admissions of attempted rapes through coercion and guilt tripping.
Another way women abuse men is by letting them do chores of course. One kept spamming about it, taking before and after pictures of the dishes he did while his obviously mentally unstable cruel bitch of a wife was playing with the kids. I screenshoted everything and sent it to her. And yet another fascinating post was this man, obviously another victim, who saw his ex's new boyfriend while driving and decided to follow him, as victims do. He followed him for a long while, as victims do, before the new boyfriend supposedly parked near a motel where he met a woman. Our victim parked too and watched with glee as his ex was being cheated on. When I pointed out that, no, this is not what victims do and that he was telling on himself by describing how he follows people like a creep he cried that I wasn't allowed to question him because it's a safe space for victims and it's against the rules call a moderator please help etc. That's the thing with these groups: men go in there to feel vindicated and they are. Women immediately approve and help men pathologise women based on nothing and certainly not actual descriptions of abuse. The women don't realise that they are helping a man abuse a woman. Hundreds of comments calling a woman a narcissist and the man feeling justified in taking revenge on that woman. And me being told I'm too mean.
But you know what men write the most about in those groups? How we talk too much about women being abused and not enough about men. It upsets them to see women being listened to. And again, women approve by the hundreds, "yes poor men, women can be just as evil" and on and on, ironically disproving what men are claiming: men are not ignored, they are taken way too seriously as a matter of fact.
This guy posted about being abused again, how he "fell for it" once more, how he "should have known better". He had met a woman and she had "used" him you see. Cue to the choral of women offering him support without questions. So I asked one: how did she use you? He responded that, well, she didn't really use him per say, she asked him for help, he helped, she thanked him and that was it. They weren't dating. He had met a random woman and helped her and she hadn't offered him anything in return (like her vagina, you know) she had just thanked him and that's abuse. Imagine that. Traumatised women describing really disturbing and upsetting events and men whining about women not being on their hands and knees. And both sides cohabiting in one group under the pretense that one is not oppressing the other because "domestic abuse has no gender".
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graychrissy · 4 months
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🌑ENTER VOID YOURSELF🌑
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This is for all those hater and lazy bumps who haven't entered void yet.
I know there are days you may feel extremely terrible,that you try to enter void everyday but you just couldn't and the most common mistake probably everyone made is asking others to affirm for you..... Y'ALL CRAZY OR SMTH WHY ARE YOU ASKING SOMEONE WHO IS YOUR CREATION TO ENTER VOID FOR YOU. Especially those accounts that trauma dump on others, y'all,everyone have bad circumstances not just you. OK maybe there are people with wayyy worse circumstances that we can't even imagine but remember there are sooo many like soooooo many void and loa success stories of people who enter void or manifested their desired life despite being in abusive household,and undesirable circumstances.
And trust me you'd be sooo proud of yourself once you enter void yourself, I'm not saying that you can't enter void for other there ain't noting wrong with that until you start harrassing and forcing them to enter void for you. But the feeling of ecstasy you'd feel once you enter void YOURSELF is a different feeling. And remember those who enter or don't agree to affirm for you they are literally reflecting back what you expect them to say so you are literally fighting with an imaginary person that you created.
But as I said entering void without anyone's help is such a proud moment and the fact it's easier to enter void then studying math. Don't do all those methods. But it's upto you if you want to change your mindset.
Imagine waking up in your big fluffy bed,looking around you smile then remembered how easily you entered void without anyone's help you'd be forever proud of yourself for not overcomplicating void and enter void with a good or shitty mindset. You'd probably miss all those void routine you followed religiously and all your efforts paid off wouldn't it be amazing.
So why ask others?
Why not do it yourself?
Don't you wanna be proud of yourself?
Don't you wanna share your success story?
Don't you wanna inspire other to enter void themselves?
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shanastoryteller · 6 months
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Happy Fall/Halloween! for the prompt could you do any draco fic please!
Draco hadn't meant to become friends with Ronald Weasley. Obviously.
It's just that he was his age and there and what else was he supposed to do while he was stuck waiting for his dad at the ministry? He wasn't even allowed to play with anything. Also he felt sort of bad for him, because his older brothers made fun of him for being a crybaby, and sometimes people did that with Pansy. Put Pansy cried when she was mad and made them regret it and Ron just looks sort of pathetic.
It was pity, really. Ron claimed it was trauma. Their fathers were both appalled, but it's what they get for leaving them in the ministry without proper supervision.
If he and Ron managed to sneak away, how proper could the supervision be, really?
They're on the train, sharing a compartment because of course they are, and Harry Potter is looking between them like someone is playing a practical joke on him.
"My father will disown me if I'm sorted into Gryffindor," Draco complains. "I'm an only child. Can you imagine, the only son of a Malfoy and a Black in red and gold? The cousins will riot. You already have five brothers there, you might as well come to Slytherin."
Ron wrinkles his nose. "And have to deal with your lot all the time? You're bad enough as it is."
Draco kicks him. Ron kicks him back. They're about to descend to pinching when Harry says, "Uh, I thought you didn't get to choose?"
"If you want to go to a certain house, your values obviously align," Draco shrugs. "I mean, our families have been there for generations and they probably weren't all just the same."
Harry turns to Ron, who just echoes Draco's shrug. "I don't know, my brothers lie to me."
"If you come to Slytherin, you won't have to share a common room with any of your brothers," Draco points out.
Ron frowns. "That's your most compelling argument yet."
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hisaame · 7 months
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— ⧽➻Wanderer with a crush!˒˒ˋˋ
『its how i think wanderer would be id he had a crush,,, and this takes place obviously after he stopped being 'scaramouche'.』
╰ˊˊtw: soft wanderer (help), cursing, wanderers past trauma (kabukimono/kunikuzushi) its just a lil bit tho, spoilers.╎ + its a wanderer x reader type shit, so he falls for you!
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He thought it couldn't be possible, but it happened. he was already upset at himself for allowing himself to spend time with you. And with those soft and sweet smiles of yours, he'd almost always looks away—and what you wouldn't notice was his his blushy pink cheeks that would always fade back into his normal pale, color when he'd turn to look back at you, tilting his hat a bit to hide his own smirk.
The guy had even known you when he was once Scaramouche, you'd catch his eye from time to time, but he never really thought about talking to you. Back then he just thought of you as a 'pretty girl', then he'd scoff and turn away. He even wished he'd gotten the chance to have one chat with you before he deletes himself out of existence as Scaramouche. You always seemed to look at him with that cheerful smile. But he's glad he got a chance to befriend you, and now, as a normal person.
He didn't even think puppets could fall in love, nor did he think his porcelain face could turn red! But it began happening more often often the more he hung out with you. Being a wanderer made him not be busy—unlike his past self as Scaramouche who always had things to do. He despised that old part of him, but now he's a changed man alright. He's still vedy cautious and trying his best not to show any vulnerability, he wouldn't wanna remind himself of the rime he was a pathetic, dumb doll who allowed himself to be betrayed.
But he wouldn't let you betray him, no. You're stuck with him.
He didnt exactly understand the concept of „love“. He's seen couples in Sumeru and didn't quite get why they were so affectionate, prepping kisses on eachothers lips and always holding hands. He'd sometimes even cringe at it. Even imagining himself like that with you felt weird... Wait, whys he thinking of it in the first place!?
After finally accepting the fact he's in love after days of trying to convince himself he isn't, he began to think—would you feel the same? That thought made him anxious, if you saw him as only a friend. If he really wanta you, he'd try.
And he did.
He'd go to the library more often, looking for romance books and even looking arouns him to make sure noones looking. He doesnt wanna be caught reading something so embarrassing... He read a few stories, even some tips and tricks on how to flirt, which he found pathetic. Who would wanna say "did it hurt when you fell from heaven" to someone they like? Pathetic! But as he read some romance stories, short and simple, he just couldn't help but imagine how it would be with you... How soft your lips would feel against his, and they way your twos fingers would intertwine.
And then he tried some things out.
He has tried pinning you against a wall, fortunately getting a reaction od you having a small blush, but then brushing it right off and smiling like he didn't do anything. Then he even grabbed your chin between his indec finger and thumb to make u look up at him—and you didn't even have a reaction! Wasn't that something common people did to get people to be flustered!?
He was beyond frustrated, even ended up asking Nahida for some help, to which she happily recommended for him to write you a letter, if he was too scared to say what he wanted it in person. 𝖧𝖾 called it pathetic and stupis, and a waste of time at first, but then he immediately began writing one after.
It took him so many tries, so many crumbled up papers on the ground, to the point Nahida also helped him come up with words to write. At last, finally, he decided to be sneaky and put it in your mailbox, knowing you will be opening it soon. He was a flustered mess as soon as he was rushing away once he put the letter in.
He'll definitely be even more flustered if you tease him about the letter the next day... ♡
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shesalewa · 24 days
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Idk bro.
I remember a post about Shen Jiu wanting someone to be there for him when he needed it most, and that it would've changed the way he is if he had said person.
And its not wrong, Shen jiu really needed someone to be there for him
So in every Shen twin au, it would mean that Shen Jiu wouldn't be the cruel person he was. He would just be sassy. And because they share trauma, Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu would both be over protective of each other.
Imagine they become peak lords and decide to be silly and have the same peak lord name and have the same disciples. Imagine the confusion the disciples must have when on their first day the teacher is strict and cold. Then the next day he's overflowing with love and is suddenly so kind.
The disciples just came to the conclusion that their shizun has D.I.D until they find themselves having to go on a mission with the both of them because one doesn't like to go out and has to keep count of affairs that doesn't involve crowds and the other has to keep count of affairs that involve crowds.
And then they realize "oh. They're twins. But why would they both be Named SQQ?" That wasn't answered. They both answered vaguely.
And the fact that Shen Yuan is now a Native in the world he probably told Sj about the system. That or Sj found out about the system, and he became a glitch.
So when Lbh finally arrives, Sj keeps a close watch, and Sy immediately shows favoritism.
Which eventually shocks the other disciples because the twins hardly ever play favorites. Though the disciples know that Sj's favorite person to be around would be Sy, but Sy??? Having favorites??? Shocking.
Though Sy still tries to live under the radar of the system, Sj takes the place of protecting Lbh for him.
However due to Sj's having a villainous appearance being the supposed villain, scares poor white lotus.
Sy being over filled with joy just seeing lbh, gets hit with a big bang of, OOC. because Sj is a glitch. He cannot count as Sqq, therefore Sy, has to take over has Sqq.
What's more, Lbh gets confused on who is who from time to time. One he hardly ever interacts with (Sy) who is actually very kind but he's not close enough to let his guard down. The other, strict and scary, and has no plans of getting to know him or close to him.
Eventually, Sy gets rid of Ooc, and gets to be close with Lbh, and Lbh gradually latches onto this kindness.
Soon enough the Demon attack thingy arc happened, and since the Shen twins were known to hardly ever fight, nobody knew what type of fighting style they had. They think just like how common stereotypes work.
But to their surprise, Sj is more on defense and Healing, Sy is more on offense. Despite their appearance, they tend to act more differently from what they look at certain times.
Ofc the poisoning thingy happens, and Sj scolds Sy for saving someone who won't be affected.
Ofc this leads to Sy telling Sj about Pidw, and etc etc, and about the Abyss.
So blah blah blah. Non of this matters.
What matters is that Shen Jiu is happy, and not cruel. Just Sassy and happy.
Sy: wanna talk sh/t about other peak lords?
Sj: how unbecoming of you. Yes, I will. why ask?
Etc etc.
Lqg: fight me.
Sj: ... Oh me? No thank you, I don't wanna fight children.
Lqg: but I'm not-
Sy: he says you're childish. Now leave.
So yeah basically.
Shen jiu is not cruel if he just had someone be there for him. Baby boy just wanted to have someone by his side.
Oh and. Sy has trauma too. Oh and Sj is on good terms with YQY.
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lesbienyu · 3 months
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wrt the abortion discourse going down rn, I really want to talk about what abortion advocates go through. I'm only going to speak to the political side, as that's what my experience has been, but I do want to hear from healthcare workers and social service workers as well. I'd also like to note I'm from the US, so what I say here is going to be specific to that- would also love to hear from those in other countries.
I have knocked doors, circulated petitions, done phone banking for abortion rights. not on a volunteer basis (tho it feels that way sometimes w grassroots nonprofit pay), but as my actual job. I've done this for two years, since before the Dobbs decision. I have talked to literally thousands of people about abortion, in multiple US states, from every background imaginable- I've canvassed along hennepin in minneapolis, I've done bougie areas in virginia beach, I've walked dirt roads.
my main takeaway: most people support legal abortion. yes, even many pro-lifers do not want it banned, at least not fully. if we're going to even pretend to be a democracy, abortion should be legal. I have met countless lifelong republican voters who have left the party purely over this issue. of the republicans I talk to who plan to keep voting republican, most of them are unhappy about Dobbs, but view it as less important than other issues. the vast majority of voters I've talked to, republican, democrat, or third party, are unhappy. the fact it's being banned (or, like when I was in Georgia, has been banned) shows that these politicians do not actually care about what their constituents want. this is obvious to anyone who follows US politics.
another thing I'd like to mention- the heavy discussions we have. I'm not going to call it "trauma dumping," because my job is to collect data and reports from voters specifically on the issue of abortion. I do want to hear these stories, and it is my job to record them. on a more human level, I think it helps a lot for women to have an uninvolved third party to listen without judgment. so we talk to them, me and my staff and the voters. they say horrific things. the old women are hard- they talk about finding women's corpses in alleyways, they talk about trying to kill themselves back in the 60s since abortion was illegal. one that stuck with me was a former nurse who told me she had to watch a woman bleed to death because a doctor wouldn't consent to help her with her miscarriage, lest he be accused of performing abortion. I am very glad we're here, and recording these stories because they're important, but the mental toll is a lot. substance abuse is really common in jobs like mine, in part because we hear horrific things day in and day out.
I worked the day Roe was overturned. I broke the news to so many people the following weeks. I remember being sweaty, wearing tattered shorts, and telling some woman outside her mansion about it. she fell to the ground. the class divide between us dissolved and it was just grief. I tried not to cry, to be strong, so she could express herself. we were two women, not rich or poor, but just two women in shock. that's another one that changed my brain forever.
aside from the grief, the anger, being the one to archive the emotions and stories of these women, we had people who were aggressive. they weren't even all anti-abortion- some just didn't like that we were talking to people. I was nineteen the first time someone pulled a gun at me at work, but that was before I started working abortion rights specifically. by the time I started abortion advocacy work, I was aware of how to de-escalate- it happens a weird amount. knives are more threatening tbh. people who answered the door with guns just answer the door like that. I get it- I keep weapons by my door as well, it can be alarming for a stranger to come by. knife people usually knew what we were about, and grabbed it specifically because of what we were doing. I'd been in the industry long enough to know, but training people new to it was hard. imagine telling someone who isn't old enough to legally drink yet that this new job will have people pulling weapons on you, just for talking. we had high turnover. I wonder why.
many of us travel for work. as I've mentioned, I've done abortion rights stuff in a few different states. I actually lived out of a tent for weeks last time I went to work. I didn't see my family, my cats, or my friends the whole time. it sucked a lot of the time. I actually got trench foot from my tent leaking while a hurricane passed. I would never trade it for the world, however- I love my job, and overall I have fun at work. we try to keep morale high, since it beats down on you a little.
the thing that got me was the rich people who just. didn't want to vote because it was too much work. in poor areas, I hook people up with rides to the polls, free childcare, anything I can to get them to vote because they do want to in most cases- it's an issue of access. and then the wealthy ones, even when they agreed with the cause, it was like pulling teeth out of their lazy mouths. it felt insulting, after hearing these stories, people being shocked they could get rides and childcare just to vote.
my team averaged almost ten miles a day of walking, with backpacks full of literature and water and supplies. it's a great workout, but exhausting. most don't get paid sick leave, healthcare benefits, or enough money to live out of poverty, not til they hit higher management at least.
this all being said, I'd like anti-abortion people to know that yes, we have heard your arguments. we wouldn't be doing this if we hadn't seriously thought about it- it's not like I picked it up like a janitorial job, no. we give up our families and our lives, our safety and our health, to do this. any argument you could make against abortion, we have heard from one of the thousands of people we talk to.
so like, I do want to engage in these debates but I don't think anti-abortion people really realize that I have thought very, very deeply about my work and what I do. and I think I can't engage with them until and unless they respect that and understand what abortion advocacy workers have gone through. and if someone walks up to you with a clipboard, or knocks on your door, to talk about it, just be kind.
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darkcircles4lyfe · 2 months
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To Build Something Else
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Whenever I read a fanfiction that takes place in the future where the hero kids continue their schooling as normal and emerge as pro heroes into the existing system, I always kinda view it as like, “AU where things weren’t as bad” or “AU where everyone is still pretending that this is the way things should be” or “AU where good and evil are morally uncomplicated.” I’m not trying to call anybody out—I’ll still read and enjoy these sometimes—but that’s how I’ve always looked at it. I’m starting to notice other people feeling it too. I’ve read fics where they point out how redundant and unfair it is to go back to being students after saving the world (remember how many pros straight up quit and left a bunch of kids to keep fighting?). I’ve seen people acknowledge how trauma will affect their ability to keep going. Perhaps the trickiest thing to wrap our heads around is how the villains will fit into it all if not through death, punishment, or imprisonment. What about all the other trappings of society? The heavily regulated quirk use, the government-funded pros aiding police control and contributing to cover-ups that maintain the illusion of peace. Hero idolization, quirk counseling, civilian helplessness. Judging a person’s worth or character based on their quirk…
It would sound too obvious and cheesy to simply point out that society isn’t “just the way things are,” that change is possible. We all know this, and yet we struggle to pinpoint exactly where to aim our sights, find the source, make any meaningful progress. The other day I read some articles from my university’s student newspaper around 1970, and it made me feel sick wondering if progress is really an illusion. Fact is, it’s easy to intellectually deconstruct society, but very difficult to imagine how to build something else.
In this fictional world, heroes have offered a mythical vision of safety and triumph. When All Might arrived, everything was going to be okay. But let’s not forget how this story began: with a moment where All Might paused, like a bystander, and in his place, a desperate civilian kid hurtled forward without any common sense. If you ask me, it wasn’t that Izuku was so good and pure and selfless, it was that he disregarded everything.
And so the person who “saves the world” (if we can even reduce it to such a concept) is not the person who puts everyone at ease and makes crowds cheer. It’s the person who makes everyone hold their breath, with a feeling in the air like the pressure changed, and it smells like rain. It is natural to be worried about the future. It’s honest. It means you can see what’s really going on. Hero society has never felt this exposed, but the people are held back from the edge of despair because there is also so much potential brewing. Electricity about to strike. The world will NOT go back to the way it was, no matter what. That much is certain. But what if we still live to see the dawn? What then? What if one person’s courage to break the mold makes all the difference?
I’m not just talking about Izuku, you know. I’m talking about Horikoshi.
To an extent, I’ve given up on predicting how exactly things will play out, because if nothing else, I can tell he’s planning something big—so big, I can’t quite picture it. I’m watching and waiting for the one person who can. I just know where he’s coming from. I think about how he’s never come this far before because his other stories were snuffed out. I know he used to struggle to see the future of his career. I relate to his stubbornly rebellious resolve to do what he wants anyway. To keep dreaming. I know that emotional sincerity is his specialty. And now he’s even directly breaking the fourth wall, having characters talk about what’s supposed to happen in comic books. Gradually, almost imperceptibly at first, we’ve been shown how something else can happen. He’s not done yet.
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bimbolita · 3 months
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I’m so glad everyone is having the same visceral reaction to episode 4 like I did. I thought I was being too sensitive but fucking no. It is painful. It is horrid. Knowing that this type of abuse actively happens to sex workers and those who are trafficked. It’s jarring because I didn’t expect to see this dark and explicit depiction in a cartoon that jokes about penises every 2 minutes. It’s like when light hearted coco melon shows start talking about death, it was just unexpected because I never took this show serious. I’m going to share more of my thoughts below! Trigger Warning: Mentions of SA ⚠️
I don’t think it’s my place to deny or confirm if the ‘poison’ scenes were fetishized, I personally believe it’s subjective. I know how I feel but I think no matter where you stand, you are right in your own way. Many things can be true at once. What we can all agree on, is that it was harsh. In a way, I hope the audience is able to understand how exploiting and non glamorous sex work is. There is nothing fun about having your body used multiple times a day by people you do not know and having said scenes recorded then plastered all over the media. Of course all forms of engaging in or creating adult content are different, I am specifically talking about sex workers who have no say or control over their bodies and finances. Like Angel. Let us put emphasis on WORK in sex work.
It is demanding. It is laborious It is scaring. Remember that and remember the unheard voices who must do this to simply survive.
There is a lot of criticism about angel’s personality and yes I agree it is annoying but you have to understand, it is a trauma response. Hypersexuality is a common trait among those who are sexually abused. Angel just outwardly expresses it all the time because it is all he knows. This thought process is the only way to tolerate his behavior. I say thought process because it is only an interpretation. It’s very obvious viv just adores writing sexed up characters with zero nuance or depth but let’s just pretend she can actually write male characters that think beyond their cock and balls. Let’s pretend that Angel Dust is a two dimensional character and not (grits teeth) fetish bait.
Now, let’s talk about Charlie. Alright great, she saw her friend being mistreated and was about to stand up to his abuser, ok good good. The victim (Angel) gets upset and wants her to leave because he was beaten. Yes, average response of someone who is an abusive relationship, he is afraid and wants to avoid more conflict between him and Val. The situation at hand couldn’t be more than obvious. How does Charlie respond? She cries. And not because she is frustratedly concerned for the safety of her friend. It is because he yelled and rejected all her poor attempts at helping. Charlie is weak as shit and I think that interaction was weirdly written. I wish she had the mental fortitude to understand how much danger Angel’s life was in at that moment. I cannot enjoy her ‘aggressive kindness’ cutie do no wrong baby girl type of character in a moment like that.
And I feel the same about Husk’s song. Out of all the responses you could’ve made, this is what made it to the final cut? Do better. I don’t care if I lack the mEdIa LiTeRaCy twitter keeps yapping about. It’s bad. You just showed a sexual assault montage and the rebuttal was basically “my uncle broke his neck tap dancing once :/“ lol we’re both losers and that’s ok, suck it up buttercup, I like you regardless. This was the best response to an SA victim? No degree in media literacy would ever help me think that was an acceptable response. I dunno about ya’ll but I major in common sense at the university of using my eyes and fucking ears. Now imagine, if that entire segment, when Husk and Angel are at the bar plus the musical number; imagine if all of that was placed BEFORE we see Angel and Val interact and then poison plays as the final song. It would be 10x more impactful because then the audience sees how deep and stuck Angel actually is. Trauma olympics is never acceptable but neither is trauma participation trophies. It is not right to make Husk’s issues be seen as the same as Angel’s issues. They are not the same and it is ok to acknowledge that Angel has it worst than Husk. It’d be more genuine if Husk were to just hug him in complete silence after dragging him out of the bar and have Angel tearfully embrace him back. The first non sexual and benevolent interaction between them. The first physical act of care with no ulterior motives of lust.
I grind my teeth at the wasted potential.
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phantomwitch16 · 7 days
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With play testing of Hades 2 being streamed, there have been many thoughts and discussions on what could have happened to Zagreus and the rest of the
I've already made a post previously talking what could have happened to Zag before so I'll leave that here. But to sum it up, Zag is probably the first taken down by him before going after the rest of the house.
If they're going to go with what happened in the Orphic myths about Zagreus, then its more than likely that Kronos was likely inspired by the stories Zag told Orpheus as a joke or he decided to a page from his children's book and rip Zag apart before eating him. Possibly in front of Hades and Persephone who would be...very upset.
If he is going to be a boss, I imagine Kronos would get him to say the most vile stuff to hurt and distract Mel. Pretty much unloading everything that happened in the first game and ruining whatever imagine Mel has of her family. Really just punching the players in the stomach with his venom because he really does say a few harsh things in the game.
Because this would actually do a lot in terms of the development of the main cast. Obviously, this would possibly rehash some trauma for the Olympians and a load of gods who were displaced to the surface(?) with some like Hermes (and maybe Hypnos) being used to get info on what Kronos is doing.
Hades and Zagreus, however, are especially interesting. Obviously, we've seen that their relationship had it's ups and downs, with Hades mostly being the one at fault for them and Zag also not helping. At the end of the first game we see that their relationship is better but fragile. They get on well enough but they're not close. The only thing that they're both have in common, other than their stubbornness is their excitement for Mel. It is one of few things they talk about but there are also things that they are worried about. With Persephone being pregnant, it's likely Hades looked back on how Zagreus was raised and hopes for to have a better relationship with Mel. Meanwhile, Zag probably just wants to be there for Mel and have some fun with her in between his runs.
So the thought of Hades possibly watching his son getting ripped to pieces before being swallowed up much like he was might...foster some regret on his part. But be motivation for the two to facilitate a better relationship.
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here is the thing
when i started playing bg3, i didn't expect wyll to be so devoted to karlach. her devotion to him is a given; the guy risked his life to save her when they had literally just met. of course he matters so much to her
but wyll matched that same devotion right back, as if she had been the one to save him, even though karlach never really got the chance to do anything of that magnitude back for him
but then i think about it
mizora's punishment plays directly into wyll's worst trauma. to be suddenly branded as demonic, so people will always look at him and see that first. like his father did. like the whole city, everyone who ever knew him, did. no amount of good deeds will ever be enough to compensate for his association with evil; his soul will burn in hell and he will not be welcome anywhere because he's a greedy warlock who made his choice. i don't know if that is actually true, but he certainly thinks it to be, if anything, from his assumption that the people of the grove (whose lives he had just saved, and who had known him for at least a few days as nothing but a kind hero who looked out for them) would be unable to look past his appearance and wouldn't want him near them
and mind, mizora clearly wants wyll to stay isolated. why else would she forbid him from explaining the circumstances of his pact? what could she possibly gain from that, other than making sure he can never dispel the notion that he made a deal with the devil simply for power?
so it makes sense that that, more even than the non-consensual body modification, was the punishment. to put his warlock status on display, so that people would immediately be offput by him - and even if they aren't, he will be sure they are
his own father couldn't stand to look at him, and that was back when he had just lost an eye
but the first thing karlach tells him is this:
"Thank you for seeing me for who I really am. And... I think I can see you for who you really are, too. A hero"
obviously, it's common sense for her to see him like this after he just saved her life at great, and at the time unknown, personal cost. but it would also have been common sense for his father to know that the son he himself raised and who's nothing if not a paragon of kindness and duty wouldn't just decide to sell his soul for power out of the blue one fine day. or that, if he keeps trying to say something but can't, then there might be more to the story. for fuck's sake, he lost an eye. and yet, ulder didn't. wyll's association with the demonic was enough to dispel everything about his personhood, his values, and his actions. and now said association was branded, quite literally, on his forehead
and karlach's suffered so much at the hands of devils. just like with the other tieflings, he expects her to be unsettled by him, at the very least
but then she says that she looks at him and sees only a hero. the man who saved her. the man who cared enough to listen and do what was right. the man who sacrificed something for her, who had to make a choice no one should have to make
he had saved an entire city when he first made the pact, and yet not one soul in it was able to see that. see him
but karlach did
karlach does
and not only that. not only is she the first person in perhaps his whole life to put more weight to wyll's personhood and actions than to mizora's; but she knew he needed to hear that. she says it like someone who's trying to offer a comfort in a hopeless situation, which is exactly what she's doing. she knows that he is afraid of being rejected
and of course she does
she is the one who comes closest to fully understanding him.
can you imagine being wyll and seeing karlach's story play out in dizzyingly rapid succession in your mind? had a pretty good, happy life, then in the span of one day everything changed when she was associated with the demonic. she lost everything and everyone she ever had. from then on, she only knew one thing: to fight. no rest and no friends and no breaks, just endless, senseless fighting. her body was changed against her will. she hadn't been touched in a positive way in ten years. even fucking mizora was there
that's his story, too
sure, he might not have been literally unable to touch people, but neither was karlach when she was in hell. he's been completely alone except for mizora for the last seven years, at least in the ways that matter. nothing in his life was constant, except for the fighting and the humiliation at a devil's hand. and the loneliness
of course he thinks it's a trick. it hits too close to home
and of course he can't help but listen anyway. because wyll is nothing if not compassionate, and he's just watched a tldr of his own pain inflicted on someone else
so when karlach says that she still sees him as himself first?
he is reminded that she gets it
for the first time in seven years, he is not alone, and he is understood
of course he would do anything to keep her in his life, just as she would
in a way, she did save him, too.
(slightly late meta submission for @thekindredcollective's wyllstravaganza2024, day 19: bond)
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glitteryinknotes · 8 months
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Astarion & his life before Cazador
After seeing a few different takes on it, my thoughts have been circling around Astarion's pre - vampiric life and what it must have been like to shape him into the person we know, behind the trauma and his attempts to hide the truth of his feelings and vulnerability inside him.
After days of musings, I've tried to gather my thoughts into a single analysis of a sort, both on his general mindset and his life as the person buried in the graveyard as Astarion Ancunin.
What can be said - disappointing as it is - is that in his life he most likely was what can be tactfully referred to as "an asshole". He held a magistrate's position, but most likely didn't give a damn about anything other than luxuries this position provided him with and the life of utter debauchery he was given on a silver plate. I don't think he's ever had to really fend for anything nor work towards anything, or deal with any kind of problems either on personal or any other level. What's worse - he probably had his part in some form of severe oppression of the common people, otherwise why would he get jumped and beaten to death (his attackers clearly aimed for his death, not just a lesson to be taught) in his own city.
(I would like to mark at that point that my further thoughts are not an excuse for him being a shitty person. If he was a dick indeed, that's on him)
Astarion is, fundamentally, as others have pointed out before me, a rather selfish person - or more specifically, self - absorbed to the point of selfishness. That's one of his core vices.
However.
He isn't an evil person either. He is capable of compassion and taking interest in other people. He is fiercely loyal to those he loves (that being Tav) and capable of consideration, pride and joy for those he considers friends. He is very slow to trust (understandably so) or accept kindness - but once he does, he remains true to the people who granted him those gifts. His confession scenes are the best proof of that - where his consience, still intact, is eating him up as he can't stomach leading on the only person he knows who treated him well.
And as much as he adores his own charms, beauty, pleasure, fine things, there is deep within him the yearning for something more than that. He isn't truly sated by all of those shallow things, nor is he pushed to any kind of growth within them. This yearning is something he is barely able to recognise and understand himself, let alone pursue it. But it's there.
Astarion's character and behavioral patterns must have been shaped before. The trauma from Cazador's enslavement broke him, scarred his psyche to unimaginable extent, exposed his worse qualities and drove him to become a shell of who he could have been, leaving him utterly out of touch with himself, burdened with indescribable guilt and self - loathing, stuck in desperate survival mindset. But his inner self was still shaped somewhere and somehow.
I've come to imagine that his pre-vampiric life wasn't really a happy one. It was undoubtedly rich, loud, unspoiled by any hardships, but fundamentally empty. Without any semblance of meaning, without any true kinship with anyone or any genuine emotional intimacy. Even if he lived like there was no tomorrow and nothing in the world mattered but his pleasure - deep down, maybe he knew he wasn't truly satisfied and that no amount of shameless, drunk debauchery would ever fullfill this emptiness. Perhaps he craved something more after all, something he hadn't been taught how to seek.
Now how could it have come to that?
He was most likely born in some wealthy local family (or one with considerable influence in the city) that held the position of the magistrate for generations, hence his lifestyle and being granted the title at such a young age for elven standards (he was 39 at the time of his presumed death; i personally would equal that to no more than 30 years by human standards, more like middle 20s even). He was obviously somebody's son - but I don't personally believe he ever experienced the healthy, genuine love a child should be provided, he strikes me as a type of person who never quite had a good, trusted role model to look up to, no one to call him out on his vices and lovingly steer him into growing into a possibly best version of himself. No one to check him on his selfish instincts and show him that there may be a more rewarding way of going through the world. That kind of thing usually happens through some sort of neglect and lack of sufficient care; my guess is that he never had an actual meaningful bond with his parents, was raised mostly by hired caretakers and overall in his childhood didn't experience the much needed selfless love & care from emotionally close people, the kind of love that subconsciously makes us believe that there is good and kindness in the world and that it's worth the effort on our part.
Whatever came in his elder years couldn't have been better, and it certainly didn't make him a better person. Some amount of power, money, countless pleasures, all of that he so adores but which doesn't ultimately fullfill him nor make him truly value and appreciate himself on a deeper level. And after his death - he was most likely mourned in some way, but not necessarily missed by anyone and was quickly forgotten. Perhaps his parents remembered - but they too eventually moved on.
What leads me to believe that?
The most interesting thing about Astarion's final love declaration to Tav is that he says he feels "seen" with them. It's one of the most beautiful things we people can offer each other - the feeling of being "seen" and safe in that sight, understood, felt, valued. That can only happen when the other person knows us well enough to be aware of all the ugly qualities we possess, but is just as aware of our capability for all the good ones, and so, in the greater picture sees the better version of ourselves (sometimes even better than we ourselves can picture) and that vision, when truly caring for the other person, we trust and want to live up to. By seeing ourselves the way our loved one sees us, we allow ourselves to grow and be better.
I don't think Astarion ever had that kind of person. I don't believe that he ever, in his pre - vampiric life, experienced a kind of love and trust needed for such a feeling - being "seen", and wanting to be seen as someone good, worthy, valued. Even more - I don't think he ever had any kind of true friend or companion. And that kind of emptiness deeply cripples a person, no matter who they are.
The tragic thing is - Tav may not be the first person to show Astarion kindness and care after years of torment from Cazador, they may be the first selflessly caring and kind person in his entire life. Even if he doesn't remember anything about his previous life, emotionally, he doesn't even seem to recognise the feeling of being cared for, considered, valued, appreciated for who he is, he doesn't instinctively recognise emotional closeness of any kind. Tav may be his first ever true companion, confidant, someone he comes to value and trust enough, that he eventually wants to be the same for them - and be better himself.
Tav may just be the first person to be a selfless and genuinely healthy influence for him, the first person to call him out on shitty behaviour and challenge him, but also to the first one to care. Ever. The first person Astarion comes to care about. The person through whom he learns to care and value more, both others and himself. And the person through whom he learns to love.
I don't believe he ever loved before, nor was he truly loved in the first place. Maybe he never tried, maybe he never dared, maybe he didn't know how to, maybe no one taught him. Tav was the best thing to happen to him in both of his lives.
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gatorbites-imagines · 9 months
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Hey I saw you were really stressed and I know requests aren't the best thing but this has been stuck on my mind, you can delete this or do it when you can. I can wait as long as you need 😊
Can we get Peter B and Miguel (separate or kinda like "we're co-parent friends") with a platonic male reader, reader is a spiderman for his own universe but his universe ended because of him. Now he's ungodly protective of both Peter and Miguel. Like he's put his life on the line multiple different times for those two knuckleheads
I just want fluff 😭
Peter B Parker and Miguel O’Hara
Platonic Headcanons
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Peter B Parker
Now, Peter would appreciate how protective you could be, but it got a little overbearing at times, especially after you got impaled by an abnormal doc ock. Hed make you have a sit down with him about how dangerous it is, and how he feels protective of you too, so he doesn’t wanna lose you.
He can only imagine the insane amount of trauma youd have after losing your universe, especially if it was cause on accident by yourself. He would always make sure you have someone to talk too, and somewhere to go if you need it.
He would open his home to you, even after he got back with MJ and had Mayday, and you end up being a common sight in their home, to the point where MJ starts calling you their spiderson, and Pete ruffles your hair and calls you his kid.
Mayday absolutely loves you, even though Peter fears how protective you’ll be of her. If you were protective of Peter, with Mayday it’s a million times worse. He’s pretty sure he’s caught you hissing at other spiderpeople who get too close sometimes.
He still loves you very much, as he’s come to see you as his kid one way or another, you two just have a lot of things you need to work through, and Peter and the rest of his family is with you the entire way.
Miguel O’Hara
Miguel would be annoyed by how protective you were, because deep down he would feel he doesn’t deserve it. Especially after you get hurt protecting him, taking the stinger of an abnormal Scorpion for him.
He wouldn’t know how to feel about you till this point, or why you got attached to him of all people. But as you lay there feverish and hallucinating thanks to the poison from the Scorpion, he sits and holds you in his arms until you fall unconscious.
Miguel understands what it feels like to lose everything, so he’s actually great to come too if you need to talk. He doesn’t say much, but Miguel makes a great listener, especially after he starts caring for you in return.
Would end up calling you his kid on accident, specifically after you got hurt once again on a mission, and he yells at you that he cant lose another one of his kids. After that you two have to sit down and come to an understanding about your shared self-sacrificial nature.
You both have gone through a lot, and lost even more, but together you are able to build a tiny family with just two members, and that is more than enough, as long as you have each other.
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thefirstlioveyou · 2 months
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What will Mike and Will's S5 Fight Be About?
Shawn Levy basically confirme/implied another angsty Byler fight for S5.
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But, what will it be about? Some think it'll be about the painting, but personally, I don't think so at all. I believe the fight will be about Mike's internalized homophobia; Mike will be afraid to romantically be with Will and it hurts Will.
First off, I don't think Mike would be mad for him hiding his feelings or lying about the painting. The sole purpose of the painting lie is to open a gate way to Mike knowing how Will feels about him. It's a set up. Why would he be mad that it was Will who thought those amazing things about him? He's in love with Will.
Now, let's see the common traits that all Byler fights have:
miscommunication, but they both want the same thing
is about their relationship
mike projecting
happens pretty early on, episodes 3-4
triggered by a shift in their relationship/mike doing something
they are alone
It's pretty predictable that S5 will focus on Mike's feelings for Will and be in Will's position this time. He's gonna be a yearning, gay mess! However, it doesn't make sense to copy every little thing as that wouldn't bring anything new to the table. It would quite frankly feel lazy and boring.
I actually believe they will be honest about how they feel episodes 3-4 (after Mike discovers the truth about the painting, what would be the shift in their relationship), and it will be a very angsty scene rather than a happily-ever-after moment (for now). Here's how I picture it: Will wants a relationship with Mike, Mike wants one too, but he's reluctant to because of the shame and bit of denial still lingering.
As understanding as one can be in this situation, it's also hurtful to hear on the receiving end. I can imagine it makes Will very upset. After so long of waiting for Mike, waiting to see if his feelings could be reciprocated, he finally gets it but doesn't get to keep it because of the shame Mike feels. Will does indeed feel like a mistake for his sexuality but, as he also states, Mike makes him feel otherwise. So, if he heard the same person that makes him feel better for who he is, say he's wrong for being the same thing he is.... that would HURT Will terribly. In Will's eyes, he will truthfully believe Mike doesn't want him, even if in Mike's POV, he wants nothing more than Will. This is where the miscommunication comes in play.
This is a real thing that happens in many Queer relationships even to today, when one is ready and the other is not yet. There is no bad guy (unless cheating, abuse, etc is involved of course) in these type of situations. You can sympathize with both sides... Which makes this a perfect fight to watch as the audience; it wouldn't make you hate either of the characters.
Some people say Mike’s accepted his sexuality by the end of S4, but I feel like if he did, it wouldn’t really be a good set up for him to be Vecna’d in S5. His struggle with who he is and his relationship with El is crucial to S5. If we keep Mike struggling with his sexuality and his trauma regarding El, this gives a purpose for him to be Vecna'd, which is the perfect way to explain a lot of his character the past seasons. Similar to how Max escaped Vecna the first time, Mike would do something similar (with the help of others, of course). He will have to accept the mistakes he's made, accept past events that were out of his control and accept who he is, or let himself die. Rather than focus so much on saving others or being needed to others, he must save himself now, for himself. He has to finally believe he is the heart. Finally confronting and accepting what he can't change will bring his character and his relationships to a full circle. It would explain his dynamic with El and Will the whole series. He will finally have the self-confidence he lost.
As much as people want Byler to have an established relationship in S5, I don't think that's likely. With a fight already implied to happen again (most likely early on), it wouldn't make much sense? They're a slow burn on top of that... The season is building up to them being together, it's not them already together (at least I don't think so).
The writers can obviously find a different route, but I feel like this would work and fit well. It would save Mike's character perfectly and it connects with the Mike being vecna'd, or at least in danger, theories; It gives it more purpose.
I just can't really imagine what else the fight would be about. It has to be about their relationship and it has to be about it changing in some way. Mike's weird behavior still needs to be explained... so I would think the fight has to be connected to the reason for that behavior. The fight would then be about his internalized homophobia. And if it is, it has to be explicitly about it, not just subtext like S3 fight.
Rather than “It’s not my fault you don’t like girls” and insulting Will, Mike straight up will have to be like, “I’m scared, what if this is wrong? I don’t know how to do this.” “This isn’t right.” This time Mike will be direct how he feels about HIMSELF, but Will would still be hurt because this is the same guy that made him feel better for being Gay…
If this is how the fight plays out, lord hold me because I won’t survive it😭😭😭
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