#Just how Dean didn't think he deserved to be saved | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deanwinchestergf · 6 months

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and why would an angel rescue me from hell? good things do happen dean. not in my experience. i'm not here to perch on your shoulder. i was getting too close to the humans in my charge. you. to everything there is a season. you made an exception for me. you're different. for what's worth, i would give anything not to have you do this. i learned my lesson while i was away, dean. i serve heaven, i don't serve men and i certainly don't serve you. but you guys aren't supposed to be there, you're not in this story. yeah, well, we're making it up as we go. i'm hunted, i rebelled and i did it all, all of it, for you. so what i'm thelma and you're louise and we're just gonna hold hands and sail off this cliff together? i need your help because you're the only one who'll help me. that's a pretty nice timing, cas. we had an appointment. what happened to you cas? you used to be human, or at least like one. but cas, you'll call right? if you get into real trouble? this is cas, guys. he has gone to the mat cut and bleeding for us so many freaking times, don't we owe him the benefit of the doubt at least? it sounds so simple when you say it like that, where were you when i needed to hear it? i was there, where were you? i'm doing this for you, dean. i'm doing this because of you. but we were family once, i would've died for you, i almost did a few times. i've lost lisa, i've lost ben and now i've lost sam. don't make me lose you too. cas, you child, why didn't you listen to me. you used to fight together, bestest of friends, actually. if you remember, then you know you did the best you could at the time. the very touch of you corrupts. when castiel first laid a hand on you in hell he was lost. i'd rather have you, cursed or not. well, i'll go with you. i prayed to you cas, every night. cas, we're getting out of here, we're going home. i mean you kept saying you didn't think it would work, did you not trust me? cas, it's me. we need you, i need you. i won't hurt dean. cause you didn't trust me? you didn't trust me. please, man, i need you here. nobody wants him here more than i do. you gave us an order, castiel, and we gave you our trust. don't lose it over one man. you really believe we three will be enough? we always have been. his true weakness is revealed. you draped yourself with the flag of heaven but ultimately, it was all about saving one human. i'm glad you're here, man. how are you, dean? and then you'll kill the angel, castiel. now that one, that i suspect would hurt something awful. and when you turn, everyone you know, everyone you love, they could be long dead. everyone except me. i'm not gonna send lucifer into battle inside cas, what if he doesn't make it? it's not an it, sam. it's cas. but you're always there, you know? i could go with you. you mean too much to me, to everything. i'm gonna cure you of your human weakness, same way i cured my own. it's a gift, you keep those. you mean we? yes, dumbass, we. we lost everything and now you're gonna bring him back. we got cas back, that's a pretty damn big win. just don't get dead again. it's good to hear your voice. so this is goodbye? but i swear if he did something to her, if she's- then you're dead to me. either get on board or walk away. i don't know what's god and what isn't, and it's driving me crazy. dean, you asked what about all of this is real. we are. you used trust me, give me the benefit of the doubt, now you can barely look at me. i think it's time for me to move on. you didn't deserve that. since when do we get what we deserve? maybe if you didn't just up and leave us. i left but you didn't stop me. i should've stopped you. you're my best friend but i just let you go. and i forgive you, of course i forgive you. i'm sorry it took me so long, i'm sorry it took me til now to say it. you did it cas. okay, cas, i need to say something. you don't have to say it, i heard your prayer. well, here's to being right. you know what every other version of you did after gripping him tight and raising him from perdition? they did what they were told, but not you.

#destiel #paula.txt

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icaruspendragon · 3 months

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remember in 1x12 (faith) when dean has the conversation with the faith healer and he says, "why? why me? out of all the sick people, why save me?" and the healer answers, "well, like i said before, the lord guides me. i looked into your heart and you just... stood out from all the rest." and dean asks, "what did you see in my heart?" and the faith healer answers, "a young man with an important purpose- a job to do. and it isn't finished."

and then remember when in 2x13 (houses of the holy) when sam asks dean, "why can't you even consider the possibility?" and dean says "what, that this is an angel?" and sam says "yes. maybe we're hunting an angel here, and we should stop. maybe this is god's will." and then dean says "okay. all right. you know what? i get it. you've got faith. that's -- hey, that's good for you. i'm sure it makes things easier. i'll tell you who else had faith like that -- mom. she used to tell me when she tucked me in that angels were watching over us. in fact, that was the last thing she ever said to me." and sam says, "you never told me that." and dean responds, "what's to tell? she was wrong. there was nothing protecting her. there's no higher power. there's no god. there's just chaos and violence. and random, unpredictable evil that comes out of nowhere and rips you to shreds. so you want me to believe in this stuff? i'm gonna need to see some hard proof. you got any?"

and then remember in 4x01 (lazarus rising) when dean meets castiel and asks "who are you?" and castiel says, "i'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." and then again dean asks, "who are you?" and castiel responds, "castiel." and dean says, "yeah i figured that much, i mean what are you?" and cas says, "i'm an angel of the lord." and dean says, "get the hell out of here. there's no such thing." and cas shows him the fearsome wrath of heaven and later dean says, "look pal i'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?" and cas says, "i told you." and dean says, "right. and why would an angel, rescue me from hell?" and cas tells him, "good things do happen, dean." and dean says, "not in my experience." and cas asks him, "what's the matter?" and then tells him, "you don't think you deserve to be saved." and dean asks, "why'd you do it?" and cas tells him "because god commanded it. because we have work for you."

and then remember when in 4x16 (on the head of a pin) when cas is talking to dean in the hospital and dean asks, "is it true? did i start all of this?" and cas has to say, "yes. when we discovered lilith's plan for you... we laid siege to hell, and we fought our way to get to you before you --" and dean cuts in to say "jump-started the apocalypse." and cas' gaze turns skyward as he says, "but we were too late." and dean asks, "why didn't you just leave me there, then?" and cas, with eyes still upward says, "it's not... blame that falls on you, dean. it's fate." and cas turns his gaze downward once more as he says, "and the righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it." and then he turns to dean, looking at him for the first time, and says, "you have to stop it." and dean asks, "lucifer? the apocalypse? what does that mean?" and cas looks away from him and says nothing so dean says, "hey. don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. what does that mean?" and cas is staring resolutely forward as he says, "i don't know." and dean exclaims "bull!" and cas once more says, "i don't." before looking at dean again and saying, "dean, they don't tell me much. i know... how our fate rests with you." and then dean, with tears in his eyes says, "well, then you guys are screwed." and then he says, "i can't do it, cas. it's too big." and then he says, "alastair was right. i'm not all here. i'm not -- i'm not strong enough." and then cas looks back and dean and dean looks away from cas for the first time since the conversation started and says, "well, i guess i'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be." and cas looks away and dean says "find someone else. it's not me." and the tears dean has been trying so hard to hold back finally fall.

anyway. i just thought all of that was kinda interesting.

#spn #supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #destiel

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samsno1 · 4 months

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Flowers

Castiel x GN!Reader

i love his eyes. that's it, that's the tweet. guys...this is very sweet but i don't know if i'm satisfied?? tell me what you think, writing castiel is very hard, lawd

Summary: In a hunt, a flower appears over your pillow after you come back to the motel room at night. Who left it there?

Warnings: FLUFF, TOOTH-ROTTING FLUFF, i pictured s4/5 cas in this, use of y/n, sweet confession, NOT PROOF READ, that's it? english isn't my first language

WC: 2.5k

You can learn how to change Y/N for your actual name here

enjoy!

When you started hunting with Sam and Dean one of the last things you expected to encounter was an Angel, especially after discovering they aren't “harps and halos" like in the books you read as a kid, but instead soldiers and sometimes assholes.

Castiel was an exception to the “asshole” part, he was actually very sweet when it came to you and the boys. Helped you, saved you and cared for you. In that sense, Cas was just like the Angel stories, a guardian of the humans he was in charge of.

And for you, it was fun teaching Cas about humans and how they behaved, helped him when he didn't understand Dean's pop culture references, got him to watch classic movies and listen to music and he was always very keen into doing so, curious and intrigued in what you explained to him.

Those big blue eyes always gave you his full attention, sometimes with that little frown that you started to call “The Angel Frown” while he questioned you about something that, to you, was basic knowledge. You were always as patient as possible with him, always clarifying what you could in words he could understand and that ended up always making him come to you for help.

In conclusion, you and Cas got closer and you started to catch yourself staring when he wasn't looking, admiring his smiles, drowning into his sapphire eyes and wishing that he had just more doubts about how people acted so you could spend more time with him.

You knew, from what Castiel told you, that Angels and feelings, human feelings at least, weren't compatible and that things such as love and romance weren't truly a reality for him and his siblings, they were warriors after all, created to serve their Father and that was it.

Even when Castiel rebelled for the Winchesters, letting go of the “I don't serve men” mindset was difficult but you, Dean and Sam were there for him. You were more understandable then the brothers because you knew Cas was trying his best.

And because you fell for the Angel, but nobody needed to know that.

One night you arrived at the motel room you were staying at, after waving goodnight to Sam and Dean, them going to their separate room.

You opened the door and sighed deeply in exhaustion. It had been a long day of questioning and more questions appearing then those answered. At first you guys thought of a vengeful spirit, then cursed object, then witch. All of those possibilities were still up and it was driving you three insane. People were dying and you felt useless.

Once you closed the door and threw your stuff in the closest table you turned to your bed, where your bag was placed to get some clothes to take a well deserved shower. But, when you looked at your pillow, you noticed a single pink flower sitting over it and you furrowed your eyebrows.

You approached the flower slowly, skeptical about it, your hunter instincts telling you this wasn't good news. You slowly reached for it, as if it could bite your hand off, and picked it up. You analyzed the plant, very confused and grabbed your laptop.

You searched until you found a flower similar to the one you were holding and learned it was a Camellia. You looked between the screen and the flower and you searched up what a pink Camellia meant because, as much as you knew, flowers weren't really something you looked into.

What you found was shocking. According to the internet, a pink Camellia represents admiration and appreciation and Camellias and general represent love and affection. You widen your eyes at the flower in your hands, looking around your empty room as if someone would pop up and explain what this was doing at your bed. Wrong room?

You couldn't think of anybody that could give you this willingly. It definitely wasn't Sam or Dean because, first, they spent the whole day by your side and, second, unless they meant it platonically, the boys didn't see you like that. You loved them and they loved you, of course, but, to them, you were like a sister Dean loves you like he loves Sam, the same way Sam loves you like he loves Dean and vice-versa.

The only person that came to your mind was…No, it couldn't be, he said himself, love for him was basically unachievable but you couldn't help but wonder, even if your rational brain said it was stupid to think Cas would mean that. You smiled at the flower, that tinge of hope lightning inside you.

You looked around the room to look for something you could fill up with water and found an empty beer bottle. That'll do.

You washed the bottle to get the smell of alcohol off and filled it up with water, placing the little flower inside.

The pink color of the petals clashed with the transparent green of the bottle and you smiled at that. It looked cute in a way. You thought, even if this didn't come from someone you knew, you were keeping it, at least the flower.

You left the makeshift vase in your nightstand and took your stuff to the shower, peeling off your suit and your tie on the way, leaving it on the ground as you locked yourself inside the bathroom.

In these moments, Cas thanked his abilities of becoming unseen because you arrived just as he was leaving the Camellia over your pillow. He spent the day researching flowers, finding an interest in how humans always gave them to the people they cared about or to the ones who passed. He wanted to give you one to show you that he cared for you and also as a thank you for being patient with him for a long time.

He always felt happier around you, a warm feeling inside him always seemed to bloom. He felt the need to be close to you, like you were a human magnet. Everytime you looked at him he felt a weird feeling in his stomach, your smile was always something he felt the need to chase, he wanted to see it always in your face. He admired the way your eyes would shine when you were talking about something you liked.

When he saw you placing the flower on the nightstand with a smile he felt that weird feeling in his stomach again. He would do anything to see that look on your face again.

That hunt lasted a week, taking you three too long to figure out it was a witch and even longer to find said witch and to say you guys were fed up was an understatement.

For that long week you dared to say you missed the Angel, you thought about calling him, praying to him, multiple times but what were you going to say when he arrived? Missed you? I just wanted to see you?

Everything you thought sounded too intimate so you discarded the idea of calling him.

But two more flowers appeared on your pillow after that pink Camellia. A Peony that you learned meant for the Chinese something along the lines of “the most beautiful” and a stunning Carnation in a light red shade that represented admiration. At this point you were very intrigued about who was the one giving you the flowers, Castiel still on your mind. You didn't want to get your hopes too high, you were probably overthinking it anyways, making your heart speak louder than your brain.

You were lying on your bed, staring at the tiny bouquet of three flowers given piece by piece to you. It was your last night in that room, Dean having insisted he needed the sleep so as to not crash the Impala from tiredness. You had offered to drive as you weren't as bad as he was but, of course, that was an immediate no from the older brother so all of you settled for one more night.

As you close your eyes and start to fall asleep, a sudden flutter of wings gets your attention. It's dark in the room so you take a peek and for sure it's Cas. You hold back a smile and close your eyes, pretending to be sleeping.

You feel the Angel approaching the bed, his presence making your heart quicken in your chest. From what it sounds like, he's just standing, watching you and you start to feel very nervous.

Castiel on the other hand arrived to see your sleeping form and couldn't help but watch. You looked peaceful, your breathing was calm and you looked…pretty. Cas thought all his father's creations were wonderful but he felt like you could top them all, literally, in your sleep.

He had another little flower in his hand which, to him, had a very self-explanatory name, a Forget-Me-Not.

He spun the blue flower on his fingers, debating if he should leave it inside the vase or besides you, over your pillow.

He approached you and while he was placing the flower next to your head he felt a gentle hand wrap around his wrist and instantly froze on the spot.

You opened your eyes and looked at his near-horrified face. You smiled at him.

“Got you” You said, a little above a whisper and looked at the flower he was holding. That one you knew the name and what it meant and you felt warmth spreading through your cheeks, not just at that one flower, but knowing now that all those flowers you received came from Cas.

“I'm sorry for disturbing you” He said as he retreated his hand and you held the Forget-Me-Not. He was tense, not looking at you.

“So you were the secret admirer leaving me these flowers?” You asked as you slowly sat up on the bed and placed the blue flower inside the bottle with the three others. You placed both your hands over your lap, fidgeting nervously with your fingers. “Why?”

He looked around. What was he supposed to say? Himself barely knew why he was doing this but it felt right so he kept going with it. He noticed that the flower meanings resembled things that he felt or thought of you and he enjoyed collecting them for you, especially after you kept them.

“These flowers all have a meaning behind them” He started “Take them as a thank you for…being helpful with my understanding of human behaviors”

You smiled stupidly at that. The way he said it sounded like something he had rehearsed before coming to you to say it, the words too polite. But yet, that's one of the things you liked about him.

“You didn't have to Cas…They are beautiful, thank you” You said and looked at the flowers again, biting your lip. You felt his eyes on you, it was always intimidating. You knew that it was just the way he was, look right into your eyes while you talk to show you had his full attention, his beautiful blue orbs hypnotizing.

Cas analyzed every aspect of yours as you sat in front of him, his eyes wondering over your figure and his hands moved faster than his thoughts and he reached for your shoulder, his palm traveling from your shoulder blade to the end of your upper arm and back up, tracing a pattern over your skin. He longed to touch you and be closer to you in a way he couldn’t explain so, in this moment, you both alone, he decided to fulfill this wish.

You widened your eyes and looked up at Castiel who was entranced by the movement of his hand, goosebumps flaring up on your skin.

“Cas?” You said and acknowledged your call with a hum “What are you…?”

He finally looked at you, his hand steadied on your shoulder.

“When I’m around you I always feel this need to touch you, be closer and this…” He shakes his head, finding a word to define how he felt. “Warmth comes over me everytime you smile”

His eyes bore through yours and you could only stare back at him, shocked.

“Cas, you’re saying–”

“I think I might love you, Y/N” He interrupted. The way he said it sounded like a confusion, a slight approach, as if he was tiptoeing around the thought, not sure if he wanted to grasp it or just keep his distance.

You were dumbfounded. He sounded so sincere and your heart started to beat faster, his hand over your shoulder felt like it was burning through your skin. It all made sense, the flowers, the way he was always keen on talking to you even when you did most of the talking and he just listened with a faint smile and pure interest, he just didn’t know because he never felt like this before, he didn’t know what loving was like.

You landed a hand over his cheek, your eyes practically watering with an emotional overload at his words. You thumb rubbed the light stubble on his cheek and you pulled him in for a hug. You wanted to kiss him so bad but you were on a baby steps basis with the Angel.

You hugged him tightly, his hands hesitantly wrapping around your frame as you let out a deep breath. When you pulled back, you didn’t pull away completely from him looking between his eyes and his mouth, a giddy smile on your face.

“I think I might love you too Castiel” You said and he widened his own eyes, a light chuckle coming out of you at his reaction.

Your chuckles were cut off by his lips on yours and you gasped in surprise. His mouth was as soft as you expected, his lips moving against your in perfect sync. He was impressively a good kisser, one of his hands gently holding at the back of your neck while the other slid down to your waist.

You felt like a bomb had exploded inside you, a foreign feeling of happiness spreading to every single cell on your body as your arms wrapped around his neck to hold yourself when he sat on the bed, pulling you over his lap, making you yelp.

You both pulled away, your arms still wrapped around each other and he had a light smile on his face. You one hundred per cent had a shocked look on yours, your cheeks hot and breathing heavy.

“Where’d you learn that?” You asked, absolutely knocked by the kiss.

“Dean told me a thing or two” He said and you couldn’t help but laugh, your body shaking against his as he also chuckled. “It seems like I did great?”

You stopped your laughs and looked in his eyes, drowning in their ocean blue. You gave a peck to the corner of his mouth.

“You did amazing” You said as one of your hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck and he pulled you in, the warmth spreading through both of you yet again, never wanting to let go.

A/N: Notes and reblogs encourage me to keep writing, feedback helps me make those writing better. Thank you for reading, XoXo.

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dotthings · 8 days

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Okay yeah I am really really tired of this. So I'm just going to say outright that what spn did with 15.18, with Cas's confession, that was a whole lot of people at spn showing their love and support. Writers, Jensen and Misha, the director, and anyone else who cared--which was a good number of people who worked at spn. It was the show full on validating fan lens and the deliberate crafted work of writers that had to queer code Destiel for years due to network censorship.

Crew members were in tears watching that Dean and Cas scene get filmed.

No, Cas's love for Dean wasn't last minute added.

No, it didn't come out of nowhere.

It was a 12 season arc payoff.

It was many seasons, who knows how many years, of writers weaving it into the text.

Who even knows when the deliberation to try to push it into text decision was made. I usually think Carver era, but then Ben Edlund said some things and...who knows.

No, spn was not gaslighting and mocking Destiel shippers.

The original plan for the finale at the time 15.18 was filmed had Cas be there for the ending. They made 15.18 in good faith believing they'd be able to follow through on Destiel, as much as they could get away with it.

15.18 was filmed in March 2020 and the pandemic production shutdown hit a few days into filming 15.19. Production shutdown gave some higher ups too much time to think, and too much of an opening and an excuse to strip back 15.20.

Without the network support the most spn could do on Destiel anway was thread the needle to get as much into the text as they could, even if they couldn't make it open. But they tried to make it anyway within those parameters. They deserve credit for that and they didn't know how 15.20 was going to be stripped back when they filmed 15.18.

So tired of seeing malice assigned to the effort of the creatives who did it. Who told that story within a restrictive system.

Cas's confession wasn't even queer coded. That was the moment it switched to loud and blatant. Misha even said he was astonished they were allowed to film it at all. Lack of network support and PR erasure set in afterwards.

No, it wasn't fanservice. It was integral to the plot!!!! The major giant stakes save the world endgame plot!!!!!!!!!!!!

15.18 was respectful.

15.18 was showing the love!!!!

#Destiel

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glorystark · 16 days

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Empty eyes | Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: Dean doesn't take Charlie's death too well and because of the Mark of Cain affecting him, he tells you things that will regret.

Warnings: moc!Dean Winchester, Dean being a dick, minor mentions of injury, swearing, ANGST, major character's death

Pairing: Dean Winchester × reader

Featuring: Sam Winchester

Word count: 2,3k

We watched in agony as Charlie's body, wrapped around a white sheet, burned in the flames. This should never have happened to her kind soul. She died so we could save Dean. I couldn't help but feel guilty; my heart ached because I lost a friend, again. I knew Sam felt the same. We both asked Charlie for help with the Book of the Damned, and we both lied to Dean about the book being destroyed. Now it was too late to make things right. Memories flashed through my eyes, making me tear up. I remembered when she helped us with the Dick situation, or when I taught her some hunter-kind-of-tricks. How happy she was and wouldn't stop thanking me. She didn't deserve this, anyone but her.

“Charlie,” Sam started, grabbing my and probably Dean's attention. “We are gonna miss you. You're the best.” He stopped when his voice cracked, and now I was sure he felt far worse than me because looking back, he suggested not telling Dean about the Book of the Damned not being destroyed, which I didn't agree with at first. But seeing Dean, my Dean, slowly fade away right in front of my eyes changed my opinion. Maybe it was selfish, me and Sam both were. But we couldn't let Dean become something he fears, a Monster. We couldn't lose another person, another family member, but we didn't realize who we were putting in danger on this path.

“We love you, Charlie, and I'm so sorry,” I said, blinking through tears.

“Shut up,” Dean said coldly, making Sam and me look at him. “You got her killed. You don't get to apologize.” He continued.

“Dean-“ Sam started, but Dean cut him off.

“You too, you two are the reason she is dead,” he said, not taking his eyes off the flames.

“We were trying to help you,” I said, still looking at him.

“I didn't need help,” he said bitterly. "I told you to leave it alone.”

“What were we supposed to do, just watch you die?” Sam asked, not letting me be the only one receiving the cold tone from his older brother.

“The mark isn't gonna kill me.”

“Maybe not, but when it's done with you, you won't be you anymore,” I stated. “Dean, you're all we got. So of course we were gonna fight for you because that's what we do,” I said softly.

“Yeah, she's right, we had a shot-“ Sam was cut off again by Dean.

“Yeah, you had a shot. Charlie is dead.” He finally turned his head to look at me and his brother, who was standing next to me. His dark emerald eyes bore into mine, and I couldn't recognize them. Never have I ever seen him look at me with those eyes. Because no matter how much crap we went through, he always made sure I was fine, and his eyes held nothing but sweetness and, on most occasions, worry. “Nice shot.”

“Are you even listening to me? You think I'm ever gonna forgive myself for that?!” I snapped, not being able to keep my voice down anymore. He is grieving, but so am I. If I could, I would trade places with her.

“You know what I think,” he started, still with the same voice tone. “I think it should be you up there and not her.”

I felt my heart break for the hundredth time today. I parted my lips, not taking my teary eyes off him, which clearly showed how hurt I was. Sam let out a small gasp and widened his eyes after he heard Dean's words, clearly not expecting his brother to go that far.

I knew he blamed me, probably even more than Sam. But knowing that he wanted me dead hurt more than any physical torture I've experienced.

Sam called his name, still shocked after what he heard, but his brother just walked away, breaking my heart more and more.

—————

It has been a week since I lost Charlie, since I lost my Dean. He has been searching for the Stynes ever since but has been having a bit of trouble finding their location. So meanwhile, he went on a few solo hunts. He hasn't said a word to me and to Sam, just a few like ‘buy some beers’ ‘did you find anything about the Stynes’.

He found another hunt for today and was packing his bag in his own room. We both haven't stepped in our shared room ever since the accident, which meant we weren't even sleeping on the same bed. I'm done with being ignored, so I knocked on his door and opened it without waiting for any response. He didn't even turn around, probably knowing it was me.

“Dean,” I called his name, not even knowing what I wanna talk about, but getting him to look at me was the first step. “Dean,” I called, this time louder, and when he still didn't turn around, I walked towards him and grabbed his arm. “Alright, I'm done. When will you finally stop ignoring me?!”

He looked at my hand, which was grabbing his arm, and slowly turned around, finally looking at my face. “I'm not ignoring you, I just don't want to talk to you or be near you,” he said bitterly, pulling his arm away and reaching for his door.

“Dean, you know you're not the only one who lost someone, okay? And believe me, I know it's my fault she's gone, and I'll never forgive myself for that. But, god, you're practically killing me. I miss you,” I said desperately, waiting for something in his eyes to change, waiting for him to embrace me in his strong arms, but... Nothing. His eyes didn't even hold hatred anymore, just emptiness.

“I don't know what you expect me to say, ‘I'm sorry you were so stupid’ ‘I'm sorry you got another person killed off’ ‘I'm sorry you're so fucking useless’ Huh?! Is that what you want me to say? You want me to feel sorry for you?!” he yelled, showing the anger and darkness in his eyes while he harshly slammed me to the wall, making me whimper slightly. His words cut deep into my skin, but I tried my best to ignore them, knowing this Dean wasn't really my Dean.

“I want you to understand, I want you to know that I'm sorry. I want you to tell me that we're gonna go through this like we always do,” I said softly, looking deeply into his eyes, trying to crack him.

He let out a dark chuckle and grasped my shoulders, lowering his head to be on the same height level with me. “You want me to tell you that we're gonna go through this? Well, baby, in that way, I'd be a big liar.”

“Dean, me and Sam, we are so close to saving you. Please, just don't let the mark control you,” I begged, feeling small under his touch.

“I don't want nor need you two saving me, and believe me, at this very moment, I'm trying to not let the mark control me, so don't provoke me,” he whispered against my ear, sending shivers down my spine.

"I thought you trusted me.”

“Well, that trust was destroyed when you got someone who was like a sister to me killed. Have you ever noticed how many innocent people died because you were being too stupid?” he said harshly.

"We all have made mistakes, Dean," I said, as I thought about the hunts where innocent people died, and I couldn't save them. I didn't want Dean to know how much his words were affecting me, but, god, I felt like a crumpled paper.

“Seems like that's the only thing you ever do,” he smirked, letting his eyes fall on the floor again before looking up at my eyes again. “Tell me, how does it feel knowing you don't mean anything to anybody and you're just a burden in our lives? How does it feel knowing nobody loves you?”

That's it. That was the punch line to make me break into tears.

“Y-you love me, you said that before.”

“You know I lie to get laid,” he said, smirking, proud of his response.

My heart was racing more and more, and I felt nauseous.

“Dean, please-“

“You're nothing, do you hear me? Nothing!” he grabbed my cheeks harshly. “Your existence doesn't matter. You.don't.matter.” he said, spitting the words out before letting me go. He took his bag and walked out of the room, not even glancing at me. I slid down the wall as I started sobbing silently.

Then I heard a buzz from my phone.

New message from Sammy:

“Y/N, Dean just said he found a hunt, probably three to four werewolves, and he told me to go with him. I was really surprised but didn't question him. I think he's getting better. I'll also talk to him on the road. Next time, he'll definitely ask you too, just like old times. Don't stay up and don't worry; we got this :) love you.”

He asked Sam to go, but not me. If he hadn't told me that he hated me a few minutes ago, I'd think he was worried. But if it was really 3 or 4 werewolves, there's nothing to be worried about. He just wants to stay away from me. He told me I was a burden to them; he'll probably throw me out of the bunker soon.

Dark thoughts ran through my mind, and suddenly a rush of anxiety ran through me. What if there were more than a few werewolves? What if they get hurt? What if Dean hates me even more?

I checked Sam's message again and saw that he sent me the address of where the werewolves' location is and where the hunt would probably take place. I quickly rushed to my room, grabbed my car keys, and went to drive to the location.

—————

I was hiding behind some of the trees in the forest, watching as each of the boys fought one werewolf, two already dead ones on the floor.

Everything seemed good so far; I mean, their guns were on the floor, but they were fighting each werewolf single handed and there was no need for me to make my presence known. The boys were winning as always. And that's when I realized they don't really need me in their life. I knew the words that came out of Dean's mouth tonight weren't really Dean's, my Dean. But he was somehow right; before I became the hunter I am today, I made many mistakes. Some were small, and some led to people getting hurt or even killed. I also put their lives in danger multiple times because I was being reckless. Finding the demons that killed my parents blinded my vision. I was ready to get back to the bunker when I saw both of the werewolves giving up until I noticed something.

A werewolf close to Sam's back, and it seemed like none of the brothers noticed him. I searched for my gun but remembered I forgot it in the backseat of my car. I cursed under my breath and did the only thing possible right now to save Sam. I couldn't let Dean lose another person, especially his brother, who I knew meant the world to him. I couldn't put him through something like that again when there's a chance to save the younger Winchester.

So I ran towards Sam, trying my best to not slip because of the woods on the floor. The Werewolf was close, and nobody noticed him. I'm not the only stupid one after all. The boys turned their heads to me for a slight second, surprised at my presence, but didn't stop fighting the other werewolves.

Until I pushed Sam away from the werewolf he was fighting onto the floor. He seemed confused at first, until he saw it. I assumed Dean did too but couldn't be too sure since he was behind me. I let out an agonizing scream when the werewolf grazed his claws into my stomach and the other one, which Sam was fighting before, grazed his claws into my back before my lifeless body fell on the floor. Dean didn't hesitate more seconds before getting his gun from the floor and shooting all the werewolves.

I was bleeding like a waterfall from my body and my mouth. But the good thing is-

I didn't feel any pain, or anything in that matter…

Dean Winchester’s Pov:

No no no.

This can't be happening.

It's all a nightmare, just another stupid nightmare.

I heard Sam's crying voice telling the love of my life, his best friend, to wake up, holding her torn apart body in his arms, asking her why she pushed him away. But there was no answer.

It's a nightmare happening in real life.

Her beautiful y/e/c are open but so empty, unrecognizable.

I stood over her body, not being able to move from my spot.

There is so much blood everywhere.

Her blood.

This is hell.

No, I’ve been to hell and it's worse than hell.

I started tearing up more and more, reality hitting me more every second.

I let out an angry scream and fell on my knees when I remembered my last words to her.

“You're nothing, do you hear me? Nothing! Your existence doesn't matter. You.don't.matter.”

She wasn't nothing, she was my everything.

She mattered, she was the reason I kept going, now she's gone and it's all my fault.

All my fault.

All of the words I said came back to me, making my chest hurt.

As I knelt beside her lifeless body, surrounded by the aftermath of our shattered world, I whisper into the silent abyss, "I'm sorry, Y/N. I'm so sorry."

And deep down I felt the Mark laughing…

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humandisorderincarnatedean · 5 months

Text

dean thinks, strangely, of bela talbot.

he hasn't thought about her in more than 40 years. not once in all his years in hell had she crossed his mind, but here and now, for some reason, she does.

he thinks of her smug smile as she spoke. of the way she stole from them whatever she could get her hands on. thinks of her head under his chin as he sheltered her from the rain and the vengeful ghost. of her tear-clogged last words as she sobbed over the phone.

bela talbot was still in hell. he remembers, thinking, once, a long time ago, 'it's what she deserves'. her own damn fault, shouldn't've made a deal she couldn't make good on. shouldn't've made a bargain with her soul if she didn't want the demons to collect their debt.

your own stupid fault. at least, he might have thought that about her. he might've been thinking about himself. he can't quite remember. and there had been no difference anyway.

ah, whatever. he was an idiot back then. a stupid kid. just another dumb bastard throwing his soul into the furnace. he knew nothing. after 40 years he could fancy that he knows everything. and no one deserves hell. certainly not another stupid kid like bela talbot. abigail. as an expert in hell he can say comfortably that no one could deserve it.

unless you work real hard to earn it, a voice in his mind offers him. he takes another sip of his whiskey and continues staring into nothing.

bela talbot was still in hell. he tortured people like her, back when he was still down there. he wasn't just some stupid kid who dealt his soul away anymore.

but he's out. he's here, topside, whiskey nearly drained in a run-down nowhere bar like no time had passed between 2003 and now, like he should be getting to do normal things like this. like he deserved to be saved.

fuckin ridiculous. that's how dean knows the angels have got to have no idea what they're talking about. bela talbot was still in hell. did she not deserve to be saved? did not the however many souls - people - getting torn to shreds and remade over and over again down in the pit this very second while he's here, breathing and free, deserve to be saved? all those people who he had hurt. and yet he's the one who's here.

well, if heaven saw fit to burden the earth with him once more, he might as well try and make it count.

he thinks of bela talbot, the times she'd placed her life in his hands, and gets the sudden stupid urge to pray that maybe one day an angel will come to drag her from perdition too.

#dean winchester #bela talbot #writing #.txt

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burningvelvet · 6 months

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more rambling thoughts about wuthering heights now that i've finished my re-read

1 wuthering heights is basically the looney tunes if the looney tunes were goth. 90% of the novel is people arguing, dying, and running around threatening to kill each other, and often all three of those at once.

2 love how it's filled with dark humor. "he's such a cobweb, a pinch would annihilate him" is such a camp thing to say about the terminally ill child you abhor and who you spend weeks trying to set up on dates with your dead lover's child so you can steal her property when your son finally dies. heathcliff lecturing his son on Seduction 101 right in front of cathy 2.0, trying ridiculously to play cupid and compel them to fall in love with each other before giving up and just kidnapping her instead... surely he's the most insane brontë man?

3 i can't remember what i had for dinner last night but nelly dean can remember what the weather was like on any given friday twenty years ago (love her and her snarky comments)

4 love how after nelly finishes telling the story to lockwood she's like "any way. so you know cathy 2.0 is single right ;)))" and then cathy 2.0 shows zero interest in him. so then he's like "oh i just remembered i have somewhere to be :/" then fucks off to london for nearly a year then when he comes back nelly is like "nvm as it turns out cathy and hareton are actually soulmates lol who knew! gee, it's a good thing she didn't like you!" and he's just silently suffering. emily was just fucking around here. hindley was the only linton/earnshaw/heathcliff who was wild enough to marry someone who didn't share either his gene pool or his neighborhood.

5 i imagine joseph to look like smeagol from the lotr films but taller

6 [heathcliff, after stabbing his alcoholic arch nemesis and then pushing his servant into the puddle of the blood] "Wash that stuff away; and mind the sparks of your candle—it is more than half brandy!” LMAO

7 this opinion list is just turning out to be a list of the most insane heathcliff moments but truly the novel should've just been called "heathcliff"

8 heathcliff's weird paternal feelings for hareton, saving hareton's life, him saying he would truly love him if only he wasn't hindley's child, basically giving hareton his blessing to love cathy 2.0 toward the end... so oddly endearing

9 heathcliff walking out just before the "i am heathcliff" part of her speech. why WHY

10 hindley protecting isabella from heathcliff before she flees was nice and i wish we saw more of their dynamic around the heights. honestly aside from the child neglect (which is par for the course in wuthering heights) hindley is a pretty sympathetic character; his rivalry with heathcliff was fueled by both sides and truly the fault of their father for pitting them against each other by letting heathcliff usurp hindley's place of favoritism as a boy. hindley's gambling and drinking, his general dissipation and failure to secure his son's future, are all tragic.

11 i think hindley/edgar/heathcliff are all interesting foils for each other; they each lose the women they love and are left to be single fathers, and each responds to the task totally differently. if we include mr. earnshaw, all the fathers in the story essentially fail their children after all the mothers die. hindley and heathcliff have a special parallel through their lifelong brotherly competition, the women they love both dying in childbirth, and in their own deaths. hindley slowly kills himself while ignoring everyone around him; heathcliff also kills himself, but only after trying to systematically ruin the lives of everyone around him. they also say that they want to kill each other but fail when they try; heathcliff nearly kills hindley but ends up saving his life at the last minute.

12 heathcliff jr. is so terrified of heathcliff sr. and so traumatized and petrified by fear and he doesn't deserve the hate he gets for being annoying. he's been sheltered his whole life, his mother just died, he was sent to his uncle/cousin only to be immediately torn away from them to be abused by a stranger who treats him horribly, he's terminally ill, he's still a kid, he's threatened into marrying someone he barely knows, etc.

13 if any of you have seen the british comedy show "the young ones" that's literally hindley's household in wuthering heights when joseph/hareton/hindley/heathcliff/isabella all live together. the filth, the slop for dinner, the petty games, the violence, the fierce hatred yet weird loyalty to each other, etc.

14 i really wonder how cathy would have reacted to heathcliff's treatment of everyone else if only she had known the full details (ie his harsh abuse of isabella, his son, cathy 2.0, etc.)

15 heights was my first brontë novel but i think i like jane eyre and tenant better now that i've read them all back to back! next on the list is likely agnes gray. anne, my underrated queen!

#literature #english literature #wuthering heights #emily brontë #book opinions #bookblr #bronte sisters #heathcliff #books #book thoughts #book review #classic literature #lit #litblr

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apocalypseornaw · 7 months

Text

Meant to Be (Pt 5/5)

Dean Winchester x Reader

With Sam's help Dean tracks you down.

@lacilou idea I ran with

Warnings: NSFW happenings

When you left the cabin it had been a split decision kind of thing. A part of you was surprised you'd been able to get out past Sam without waking him up. You'd quickly grabbed your bag of clothes, your gun and knives that weren't in your car along with the green quilt you'd claimed and slid out of the bedroom. Dean was asleep on the couch and you knew you had to be silent to get past him.

The door thankfully didn't creak any when you opened it and stepped out. You pulled it shut behind you then ran for the barn where your car was parked alongside baby.

You just needed some space. You'd decide where you were going once you hit the road and you'd call Bobby to let him know you were ok.

You could hear a knocking at your door as soon as you got out the shower. Who the hell was that? Tavi had hit the road as soon as the bones had gotten salted and burnt, maybe she'd forgotten something in your car?

"GIVE ME A MINUTE!" You hollered, throwing a sports bra then t-shirt on over the shorts you normally slept in. You almost headed right for the door but thought better of that in case it wasn't Tavi. You grabbed your gun from your duffle before moving to the door, gripping it in your hand as you turned the knob.

You would've been better prepared for damn near anything other than Dean standing on the other side of the door. "How the hell did you find me?" You asked, knowing if you tried to shut the door he had you on strength and thanks to purgatory on speed as well.

---------------

A smirk slipped onto his face "Cmon now Y/N. Think about who your best friend is" you groaned "I'm gonna kill him" "He was worried about you sweetheart, so was I" you closed your eyes at the nickname that had never bothered you before now "I would've answered the phone for him if I would've known you weren't nearby. Look Dean, what happened we can chalk up to cabin fever ok?"

He shook his head "I don't want to chalk it up to cabin fever. I just drove eight hours to get to you, can you let me come in and give me five minutes" you sighed, then stepped to the side to allow him into the room.

He watched you as you shut the door then walked over to lay your gun back onto your duffle "I'm giving you five" he nodded and started to take a step towards you but you stepped back, crossing your arms.

---------------

Dean knew you pretty well. The moment you'd opened the door you'd wanted to be happy to see him. That half second flash had told him that you really did have feelings for him and that he'd really hurt you. As if Sam bitching him out didn't tell him enough.

You stood about two feet from him with your arms crossed over your chest. The plain black tshirt you had on was a stark contrast to those bright pink sleep shorts but to him? You were the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on.

---------------

"I'm an idiot" Dean finally said and you couldn't even attempt to stop the laugh that fell from you "You could say that" he raised an eyebrow at your laugh "I'm being serious, trying to share my feelings here and you're gonna laugh at me?"

"You deserve it Dean! I'm sorry but you do. I have had feelings for you for years! I never asked you to reciprocate those feelings. I know the heart wants what it wants but damn, I got sliced by hellhounds trying not to lose you. I have tried so many times to bury how I feel, to forget it but then your ass comes strutting in with those green eyes and that smile and I lose every train of thought. I want you Dean in every way. I know your past, I know who you truly are. Your scars don't scare me I have plenty of my own. I know you push people away to protect them, I know you're a huge dork. I know Sam is the most important person to you, hell I know you wanted to be a firefighter as a kid because you couldn't save Mary. The only thing I don't know is what I would have to do to ever be good enough for you to see me!"

You hadn't realized tears had started to slip down your face until Dean quickly covered the area between you and when you didn't move away he gently wiped your tears with his fingertips. "Feel better to get that out?" He'd purposely pushed you into admitting your feelings. Damn him.

"Why did you come here? Why do you care if I feel better?" You asked, letting him pull you against his chest. "Because it took me too long to open my damn eyes but I do see you sweetheart. I am so damn sorry for every ounce of pain I've ever caused you" you pulled away from him and he let you. You looked up at him and he smiled "What will it take to prove to you that I'm genuine?"

He motioned between you "Want me on my knees? I'll get on my knees" he started to kneel but you grabbed his arm "Dean, be serious!" He looked at where you were holding his arm "I am. I never would've dreamt of being good enough for you. You're beautiful, an amazing hunter and friend. You're smart, dangerous when you're mad and downright sneaky when you wanna be. You went from that smart mouthed ten year old that wasn't afraid of anything to the amazing woman standing in front of me. If you still want me I am yours"

You shook your head "I don't want a night Dean" "Neither do I" the look in his eyes made your stomach flip. He was being genuine. Dean Winchester felt the same about you as you felt about him. He must have seen the look in your eyes because one of his hands came to rest on your hip, a grin slipping onto his face "Y/N?" You shook your head "and if this doesn't work? What about Sam?" His grin deepened "It'll work"

You couldn't resist any longer, you were in Dean's arms, the way he was looking at you "Kiss me?" "Thought you'd never ask" he pulled you closer to him, crashing his lips against yours.

-----------------

You'd thought about kissing Dean so damn many times but it was nothing like the real thing. The way his lips moved against yours, his grip tightening on your hips and the way he used the small gasp that escaped you to slip his tongue into your mouth, rolling it against yours in a way that made your knees go weak.

You pushed him away after a moment the need for air even greater than your need for him. He pulled back and almost looked disappointed until he saw the look in your eyes then he chuckled lightly before walking you backwards towards the bed "Tell me you want this and I promise you'll be sure come morning that I don't want anyone else"

You were trying to form words when the back of your legs hit the bed. Dean was silent, waiting for your answer with a smirk on his face "Use your words princess" "I want you Dean"

---------------

"You've got me" He promised before catching your lips in a passionate kiss. Your hands slipped under his shirt and when you tugged at it he broke the kiss long enough to slip the shirt over his head then tossed it behind him.

You moved from his lips to kiss across his jaw then down his neck and was rewarded with a low groan leaving his lips when you found his pulse point on his neck.

"Damn sweetheart" he murmured, reaching for the hem of your shirt. You let him pull it over your head along with the sports bra "Look at you" he whispered in awe before pushing you back gently onto the bed.

You watched as he quickly kicked his boots off then climbed onto the bed. "C'mere Winchester" you reached for his shoulders to pull him down with you. He groaned again as he caught your lips with his, one of his hands moved to cup your breast causing you to moan into his mouth at the feeling of his hands on your sensitive flesh.

He kissed from his lips across your jaw and when he got to your neck you had to stop your hips from bucking up against his. "So eager for me" He spoke into your skin.

He continued kissing down your chest until he got down to your left breast, he licked the nipple into his mouth while his hand worked the right breast. Your fingers found the hair at the nape of his neck, tangling there and when you tugged lightly he bite down just hard enough on your breast to pull a moan of his name from your lips.

He leaned back to look up at you and if you were being honest you damn near came just from the look in his eyes. Dean Winchester looked completely wrecked on top of you and you'd barely done anything yet. "You are so damn beautiful" he praised before continuing his trail of kissing and nipping down your stomach until he got to the waistband of your shorts. He looked up at you for permission and you nodded "Words baby. I want words" "Yes Dean" you breathed and he smiled "I love hearing you say my name like that"

----------------

He slipped your shorts off your legs and tossed them behind him before settling himself between your thighs. Anyone else on earth you would've felt self conscious, too exposed but with Dean? You felt wanted, like the only woman on earth the way he was looking at you.

---------------

He slipped one finger into you, watching as your eyes fluttered slightly from such the smallest of touch. He added a second finger, curling it up slightly until he found that small spot inside of you.

"Oh my God, Dean" you moaned, bucking your hips up. He used his other arm to slip over your waist to hold your lower half still as he licked into you, using his tongue to work at your clit while his fingers worked you over the edge. He could tell you were getting close when your thighs started to shake slightly. He changed his angle just slightly and knew he'd hit the right spot when your fingers moved to the back of his head, your grip tight as you moaned his name again.

-----------------

Words couldn't describe the feeling coursing through you. You closed your eyes tightly against the flood of pleasure "Dean" you moaned, trying to hold back and could feel your legs shaking from the effort. He chuckled against your core and you felt that coil inside of you threaten to snap.

He changed his angle just enough that the coil snapped, your vision going soft around the edges as your orgasm washed over you. Your fingers found the hair at the back of his neck, gripping tightly as he worked you through your orgasm.

You pushed at his head weakly when you began to come down off the high "Too much Dean. Too much" he pulled back to look up at you and grinned, wiping his lower lip with his thumb "You taste as good as I thought you would"

--------------

You moaned just from that "Fuck Dean. That was amazing" you looked down where he still wore his jeans "Can I return the favor?"

He stood up on the side of the bed and reached for your arm, pulling you into a sitting position "Whatever you want baby. I'm yours" you reached for the snap of his jeans, laughing lightly when you realized your hands were shaking a bit. "You ok?" He asked and you smiled "I'm perfect"

-----------------

You unzipped his jeans then he helped you push them down off his hips and kicked them away. Your eyes widened when you saw his hardened cock, straining against his boxers. He was long and thick. You reached for his boxers and he let you push them off his hips.

You looked up at him as you reached for his cock. You held his gaze as you licked a line from the base up to the tip. His eyes fluttered shut just for a moment and a praise of your name fell from his lips.

"God damn" he groaned before you leaned closer taking as much of him as you could into your mouth. You could feel his hips twitch in effort to not thrust so you started to move your head up and down licking and sucking him listening to his breathing to tell what touches he liked. You used your free hand to cup his balls gently massaging them and was rewarded with a moan from him of your name. "Y/N....sweetheart"

You pulled back from him with a wet pop to look up at him "Something wrong?" He shook his head with a smile "Hell no but I don't want to come yet" you smiled slightly "Oh" then grabbed his hand "C'mere Dean"

You laid back onto the pillows, pulling him with you. He crawled up your body, leaving a trail of kisses everywhere his lips could reach until he made it up to your lips. He caught them in a probing kiss, rolling his tongue against yours so you could still taste yourself on him. "Are you sure about this? About me?" He asked and you laughed "I'm sure Dean"

---------------

You felt him line himself up with your opening before he slowly plunged himself into you, both of you moaning from the feeling. Once he was fully sheathed inside of you, he stilled to let you adjust to his size. He rested his forehead against yours, his breathing ragged as he struggled to not thrust before you were ready "I meant it baby. I only want you. I was an idiot"

You leaned up to kiss him "It's ok Dean. We can make up for loss time" you tapped his shoulders "Move" he gave a tentative roll of his hips and when you moaned he smirked "I could get used to hearing that" you shoved his shoulder "Oh shut up and fuck me already"

He raised an eyebrow "Yes ma'am" he rolled his hips into yours and when your back arched slightly at the movement he groaned "Fuck I was an idiot"

-----------------

Every movement of Dean's hips meant he was hitting that spot deep inside of you. It wasn't long before you felt that coil tightening again. "Fuck Dean. I'm so damn close" You moaned, nails biting into his shoulders slightly. One of his hands slipped between your bodies, nimble fingers working at your clit while he kept his pace pushing you over that edge.

You came with a scream of his name on your lips. He fucked you through your orgasm then you could feel his hips stutter, "you can fuck me harder Dean" you breathed and he nodded "I don't wanna hurt you" you reached up to grab his face forcing him to look at you "You know I'm harder to break than that"

He caught your lips in a frenzied kiss before pulling back. He kissed the tip of your nose then buried his face into your neck. His hips started to snap forward into yours, the angle was the same but the depth he was hitting had you seeing stars again in no time.

You knew he could feel you were close again, his thrusts were starting to get a little sloppy and you knew he had to be close. He kissed your neck then said "You can come again baby. I won't be far behind" that seemed to be all it took for that coil to snap yet again. You could feel your legs shake around Dean as he continued to fuck into you, chasing his own release. "Do I need to pull out?" He asked and you shook your head "I'm covered. Please come in me Dean. Let me feel you"

He thrust a few times before burying himself inside of you. You gasped as you felt him come deep inside of you, coating your walls. He remained still on top of you, bracing his weight on his arms. When he met your eyes you smiled "That was amazing" he smiled in return "Took the words right out of my mouth" he kissed you gently this time as he pulled out causing a small gasp to escape you both.

He collapsed next to you, pulling you over on his chest. "We'll go get a shower in a few minutes" you cut your eyes up at him "You gonna carry me if my legs aren't working by then?" He grinned broadly "Of course sweetheart"

----------------

You lay there for a while in silence, both of you working to get your breathing back to normal before Dean spoke "I meant what I said Y/N. This, us...it's all I've ever wanted I was just too much of an idiot to realize it. I hope you can forgive me for the past because my future is all yours"

You placed a kiss over his heart before meeting his eyes "I forgive you Dean" he brushed your hair back from your face "How did I ever not see what was right in front of me?" You gave him a small smile before teasing "Well you have called yourself an idiot multiple times tonight" he rolled his eyes before pulling you on top of him.

Your hips straddled his waist and he gripped them tightly "As long as I'm your idiot I don't care" you laughed before leaning down to catch his lips in a kiss. "Of course you're mine" he smiled against your lips "I could damn sure get used to hearing that"

@lacilou

@deans-spinster-witch

@suckitands33

@deans-baby-momma

@jackles010378

@someonewhoisdesperate

@ferrersbiggestfan

@123passwort

#dean winchester x reader #dean winchester x female!reader #spn fanfiction #supernatural fanfiction #dean winchester fanfiction #meant to be mini series #dean winchester smut

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jackgoodfellow · 7 months

Text

"Grace" here is being used not in the Christian sense, but rather to broadly refer to the incredible power of human kindness, patience, and love. ❤

High-res closeups:

high-res full image (Google Drive link)

Flower language (or at least the flower language I am using):

Forget-me-nots: these little blue flowers are symbols of memory and remembrance, as well as true love, devotion, and, occasionally, senility

Baby's breath: these tiny white flowers symbolize new beginnings, everlasting love, freedom from corruption, happiness, and thankfulness

Dandelions: A cursory google search says these flowers represent "hope, healing, and resilience," which is apt. But I've included them here as a reference to their symbolism in Fionna & Cake. In this illustration, the field of dandelion puffs that Simon wakes up in at the end of the show has become a field of yellow dandelion flowers.

More analysis, if you're into that kind of thing:

1. I'm never going to get over the fact that Simon saved Marceline for no other reason than to save a child who needed his help, and in doing so - in showing up for his adopted daughter not just once but constantly and for YEARS - he basically saved the world. I think it was a brilliant move to use the narrative to further validate his actions in "The Star" episode of Fionna & Cake.

Marceline is the narrative opposite of Dean and Sam Supernatural.

2. Kindness has a way of spreading and coming back to us in ways we could never predict, which is one reason why I'm ALSO never going to get over how Simon saving Marceline eventually led to Marceline convincing Finn and Jake (and BMO and even Bubblegum) to be more empathetic to the Ice King, who becomes way safer and happier once he is not isolated in his madness.

Finn's kindness towards Simon, both before and after being cured, is a huge deal to me. It's a vital part of his character growth, and I like that Fionna had a parallel moment of growth with the Candy Queen.

Like, yes, it is big and important that Betty saved Simon. But what she couldn't do is love him in his madness. She was unable to love him if it didn't also cure him, and this destroyed her.

And so it is beautiful to me that because of Marcy and her friends, Simon was not left to suffer alone in the darkest depths of his senility. And I really love all the ways the show demonstrates how this deeply affected him even if it didn't make him remember who he was.

I believe this kindness shown to Ice King led to him having the confidence to stand up for himself and accidentally save the world AGAIN when Betty tries to kill everyone to "save" Simon in the Elementals finale because GOD FORBID WOMEN DO ANYTHING.

(Betty is our problematic Queen, and I absolutely love how she's written. The CW could NEVER. The MCU would sooner DIE. 90% of all prestige dramas can only DREAM of having such a complex and dynamic female character.)

3. And finally, there is that most recent and possibly most vital instance of grace of all in Simon's story: the kindness, patience, and forgiveness that he finally learns to start showing to himself.

Simon's is a tale of people being kinder than they have to be and the way that changes everything. I am extremely grateful that his story culminates in him learning that kindness and self-sacrifice are NOT the same thing, and that he deserves his own kindness as much as if not more than everyone else.

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cybersunnie · 4 months

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sunnie baby !! have u any thoughts inside that beautiful noggin of yours on academic rival corio ?

Coriolanus thought too highly of himself.

You were clever, but he believed he was even more so. That was how his mind worked.

But he would be a fool to ignore the constant praises you received from professors and fellow peers. With your wit and eloquence, you managed to climb your way to the top of the class, though you have yet to surpass him. But you were getting close.

Dangerously close.

He couldn't deny that you were a threat. A threat to the Plinth Prize he so desperately wanted, needed, and deserved. And here you were, trying to take away that from him.

It's almost cute—how hard you were trying.

Did Dean Highbottom put you to this? The dean had always despised him. Coriolanus wouldn't be surprised if that were the case. But why would you agree to do it? From as far as he knew, he hadn't wronged you in the past. You wouldn't have any motive.

Unless you just enjoyed being insufferable.

Whenever he answered a question in class, you would raise your hand and add to it as if his response wasn't adequate. When a professor complimented you, he swore you would look at him just to see how he would react. (Coriolanus never gave you the satisfaction, though). If you two were in the same room, friendly discussions turned into debates. The first time it happened was in Communications. After that, Satyria Click often placed you and him on opposing sides to “see what happens.”

But you were still polite to him even with this rivalry between you two. Nauseatingly polite.

Your smiles and honeyed words made his ego swell, but Coriolanus knew what they truly were. They were sneers masked as smiles. Taunts that were worded to sound like praise.

How did he know? Because he was doing the same to you.

In the eyes of an outsider, you two were civil—classmates who respected each other despite the ever-growing tension between them. But it was all to save face, to seem like the bigger person.

Deep down, Coriolanus liked playing this little game with you. Cat and mouse. Near captures and repeated escapes. You were so easy to read. So predictable. He liked making you think you could outsmart him. He found pleasure in making you think you were winning. And he would let you bask in that feeling of victory so that it would hurt more when he defeats you. How could he not play with you?

As the rivalry ensued, he would watch you from afar. Some may call it obsessive, but he called it studying. He studied your mannerisms and learned the subject you excelled in the most so that he could take that away from you, too.

You were all-encompassing. Everything Coriolanus did shifted back to you. What would you do? And how could he do it better?

There was one thing he didn't know—one thing he was unaware of. If Coriolanus’ delusions hadn’t blinded him, he would have realized that you just wanted to do well in your academics. He would have realized that you weren't trying to compete with him, and that your smiles and compliments were genuine. No ulterior motive.

But it didn't matter. He was having too much fun.

And Coriolanus would like to play with you, his "rival," just a little longer.

tldr: in my head, academic rival!coryo is a paranoid and delusional mess that thinks you are out to get him, but in actuality, you are just trying to do good in school—completely unaware of said "rivalry". author's note: not proofread. this is my roman empire. i love writing delusional coryo. anyways, i hope you liked this kaia mwah! 💋

#coriolanus snow x reader #coriolanus x reader #coriolanus snow headcanon #the ballad of songbirds and snakes #tbosas #my brain malfunctioned while writing this #and not in a good way #like i forgot how to write for a hot minute #✶ — sunnie writes thg!#✶ — coriolanus snow

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callunavulgari · 4 months

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Top 25 Fics of 2023

1. whatever you want by Wildehack (tyleet) | Wolf 359 | Kepler/Jacobi | 5k

Kepler doesn't fuck him that first day, when Daniel swallows his pride like it's a hot coal he can feel boiling down to the pit of his stomach and dials the number left on the card. Heather Says: Back in 2017, Wolf 359 changed my life. I relisten to it every year. I reread fic. I sometimes write it. And THIS year, I was blessed with one of my favorites writing my favorites from Wolf 359. It's honestly exactly what I wanted out of a Wolf 359 fix it/coda.

2. god was a dog-man by @andthepeople | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 13k

“Do you have a secret teenage son?” Stiles demands, as soon as Derek opens the door. Heather Says: I did NOT watch the Teen Wolf movie this year. I did, however, relentlessly stalk reaction posts and (very select) gifsets. I also read this fantastic fic, which is now the movie in my brain because since I didn't see it, I'll never know.

3. then out of nowhere, somebody comes and hits you with an ooh la la la, ooh la la la, ooh la la la, ooh by @calciseptine | Deadpool | Peter/Wade | 49k

A man with spider-themed superpowers accidentally breaks into Wade's apartment. Heather Says: Deadpool is one of those fandoms that I'm technically a part of because I like it and I think Spiderman and Deadpool is both hilarious and hot, but it's always just on the edge of my peripherals. But sometimes Steve's fic just kind of creeps on me and demands my attention. This was my feel good fic this spring.

4. By the Laws of Magic by Lenore | The Sandman | Dream/Hob | 32k

It’s 1959, and Hob Gadling is working at a London auction house, amazing his colleagues with his uncanny knowledge of art and artifacts from the 14th century on. When he gets the assignment to catalogue a family library at a place called Fawney Rig, he looks forward to a working vacation in the country. What he finds is a house with a preternatural chill where odd disturbances happen daily, an ornate carved door with a secret clearly hidden behind it, and visions of his mysterious stranger every time he turns around. Heather Says: I honestly love this ship. The fairy tale elements combined with the very compelling idea that in another universe much like this one, Hob Gadling ends up saving Dream from his glass prison made for some truly great fiction.

5. Dawnshot Through the Heart by @sirnotappearinginthisblog | Wax&Wayne series | Wax/Wayne | WIP | 80k

Ten years ago, Wayne fled instead of letting himself get arrested for murder. He’s been an outlaw ever since, keeping one step ahead of the lawkeepers who want him dead or alive—especially Dawnshot. But his luck was bound to run out eventually, and he knows how it always ends for the Bad Guys in stories. Heather Says: I think that this is the only WIP on here but I cannot rightfully leave it off because I LOVED this fic this year. I love the Mistborn series, but I've never really sought out fic for it before. This one though, this one found me. The writing is SUPERB and I wish it was a bigger fandom because it deserves so much love, you guys. It's so so so good. I love Wax and Wayne's dynamic in the series. They're great. But also- what if they had an enemies to lovers thing going on that turned poly? WHAT IF?!

6. One Size Fits All by @entanglednow | Stranger Things | Eddie/Steve | 65k

Steve just wanted to do something nice for a friend, he doesn't mean to get Eddie's ring stuck on his finger, and it's definitely not his fault that everyone he knows is jumping to conclusions. Heather Says: This is not the last time that you will see this author or this ship on this list. I really would have thought that Steddie would have crept out of my brain right now, but NOPE. And part of that is because every couple weeks entanglednow drops an absolute BANGER of a fic that obliterates my brain for anything else.

7. you are spring by @wildehacked | Supernatural | Castiel/Dean | 20k

God makes a wish. His parents work some things out. Heather Says: I got very close to leaving this one off the list, not because it wasn't good or that it wasn't one of my top 25 but purely because I've been out of the Supernatural fandom for so many years. I mean, c'mon. I didn't watch the last FIVE seasons. However, getting to follow along wildehacked's rewatch journey on twitter was a blast from the past and then THIS lovely shining fic that they churned out lured me back in for one last nibble at this ship that took over my life for the better part of a decade. It is so incredibly amazing and since I never finished the series, I will happily go on pretending that this is how it ended.

8. Interim by starkraving | BotW/TOtK | Ganondorf/Link/Zelda | 95k

She has no throne. Girls without thrones should not have knights, but hers won’t go. Princess Zelda – the girl who killed Calamity – would love to fade into legend, but Link’s bought a house, he’s fighting off monsters, and he’s selling giant horses to strangely familiar Gerudo men. She'll never have any peace now. Heather Says: This fic. THIS FIC. Is so richly built. Is so intoxicating. It leans into found family. You spend chapter after chapter watching Zelda and Link traverse Hyrule with the hot Gerudo that they met along the way after the events of the first game. And it is so fucking compelling. Honestly, while I'm happy that they smooched, I would have been completely fine reading another 100k of just these three wandering Hyrule together, being absolute goblins. 10 out 10, will read again.

9. one hundred years past by tciddaemina | BotW/TotK | Ganondorf/Link | 38k

Link wakes up a century early. It changes everything. Heather Says: Can you tell that playing Tears of the Kingdom left me desperately thirsty for any and all Ganondorf content this summer? I'm a sucker for all sides of the poly triforce but I'll admit that Ganondorf and Link scratches that enemies to lovers itch PERFECTLY if it's done well. And this one is done well.

10. Step Right Up by entanglednow | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 3k

Steve had mostly given up on trying to meet anyone new after everything, but it's been six months and his friends had started giving him pointed nudges to get out there again. Heather Says: Told you it wouldn't be the last you saw of entanglednow. I actually think that this might be my favorite fic that they've written? Which is saying a lot because I will scream it to the rafters that any Steddie fan should read their fic. But this is FUN HOUSE MIRROR MAZE and MISTAKEN IDENTITY KISSING. Guys, I have no chill about this fic. I have no chill about Steve's hands in Eddie's hair, or the sounds that he makes, or the smell of strawberry. It is just so so good.

11. the most remarkable thing about you standing in the doorway is that it’s you by @greatunironic | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 35k

Sixteen years after the world didn't end for the last time, Max Mayfield showed up on Steve’s doorstep and said, “You gonna walk me down the aisle in May or what?” Or, it’s 2002 and Steve Harrington attends a wedding, a funeral, and a birth. Heather Says: I genuinely do not think that I have words for this one. It is one of those all encompassing fics that sucks you in and just won't spit you out again. It hurts, an ache just under the breastbone. But god, it's so beautiful.

12. Fight Night by @rlnerdgirl | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 12k

Stiles starts fighting in college. He doesn't tell anyone. Heather Says: There are three...? Yeah, three Teen Wolf fics on this list. Three. Like it's 2015 again. Like my brain broke and time went ticking all the way back to when I was ridiculously invested in these characters. But honestly? All three Teen Wolf fics on this list are incredibly therapeutic. They get to be the ending for me instead of whatever clusterfuck good ole Jeff tried to pull. This one in particular is fantastic because it's canon-divergence after SEASON one. Yes, we have Erica and Boyd. Yes, Stiles is BAMF. It's a good read.

13. strange fear i ain’t felt for years by Sister | Batman | Tim/Jason | 31k

“Can’t believe a pretty thing like you has to come begging to the Red Hood,” he says against Tim’s neck. “Thought they’d be lining up down the block for you. Thought Daddy would need to get the shotgun.” Heather Says: Oh look, another ship and fandom that I was only peripherally aware of that had me in a chokehold for a good month and a half. I don't even like DC that much.

14. Silver-Tongue by starkraving | Baldur's Gate 3 | Astarion/Karlach | 9k

Astarion fast-talks an abnormal number of enemies into killing themselves in the shadow-cursed lands and the team makes idle (then less idle) conversation about it. Heather Says: Okay, so I STILL have not finished this game. I have however very carefully consumed as much content as I can get my hands on without being completely and totally spoiled. This was the first fic that I really loved in this fandom. It's no surprise that I ship Astarion happily with everyone, but damn is he good with Karlach in this one. Their characterization is perfect.

15. A Sign of The Morning by ToEdenandBackAgain | Stranger Things | Eddie/Steve | 86k

Vecna is dead. The Upside Down is cut off from Hawkins yet again. Steve is trying to go back to normal, whatever that is. He's also trying to figure out exactly how Eddie Munson has managed to fit so easily into his life. Heather Says: Honestly? What can I say about this one? It has 19,000 kudos despite being published last June. It's on a ridiculous number of collection/rec lists. The tension is exquisite. The found family? Even better.

16. Phantom of Truth by Haiju | Danny Phantom | Maddie Fenton & Danny Fenton | 58k

Locked away in a secret government lab with Phantom as her sole object of study, nothing stands between Maddie and the truth... except, perhaps, herself. Heather Says: Oh look, another fandom that I have never ever been a part of. I saw this REALLY NEAT and angsty tiktok (tw for ghosty gore) and basically immediately was sucked into a show that I've never even watched before. The comments lead me to this fic which is perfectly gen, angsty, and honestly absolutely perfect. I cannot get over how much I loved this.

17. Manacled by senlinyu | Harry Potter | Draco/Hermione | 370k

Harry Potter is dead. In the aftermath of the war, in order to strengthen the might of the magical world, Voldemort enacts a repopulation effort. Heather Says: I did the thing. I read the incredibly dark fic that I've been avoiding since 2018. I typically steer-clear of anything that is overly bleak and I do not tiptoe into non-con waters often. But one of our groomsmen who isn't even involved with fandom read this so that his girlfriend would watch Star Wars with him and then spent a good portion of a Halloween party talking it up. So I gave it a shot. Over all, it is too bleak for me. That said, I finished it in a weekend. I loved it. I hated it. I wish I'd broken it up over a longer period of time because the emotional bleed off of it was intense.

18. Ready for Love by @idiopathicsmile | Singin in the Rain | Cosmo/Kathy/Don | 12k

Don and Kathy would move in together. They would have a dog or two and then inevitably, a small parade of adorable little brats who would call him Uncle Cosmo, and they would spend less and less time with him, not on purpose but busy with the rest of their lives, and ultimately Cosmo would learn to make his peace with it because he’d have no other choice and he would have to try to move on and not live too much in his memories. He could picture it so clearly, he figured if the songwriting gig with Monumental didn’t pan out, he could always return to the backwater circuit with a new act: The Amazing Cosmo of the Cosmos—ladies and gentlemen, he sees the future, he reads the stars, he silently pines for his best married pal and all the while tap dancing! Don and Kathy inviting him along on their honeymoon, though—that part was a surprise. Heather Says: I LOVE this movie. It is one of my biggest comfort movies. I watch it to feel happy. I watch it when I'm sad. And I have always shipped these three but NEVER read fic for it. And honestly? I'm glad I waited for a good fic to find me because this one was perfect.

19. A Series of Forgettable Events by @trensu | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 27k

Steve wanted to be a dad more than anything. Unfortunately, he was a single dude in his thirties which meant no adoption agency in the world was willing to give him a chance. Or at least no human adoption agency. Heather Says: Honestly just a delightful little jaunt in a world where Steve wants to be a dad, Eddie is a very overprotective siren, and the kids are, well. Little horrors. I love it. There's a sequel now which I am very patiently waiting to read it until I am less busy in RL.

20. the dry sand of daylight by @andthepeople | Inception | Arthur/Eames | 15k

Arthur is married to Eames for the better part of a decade. Then he wakes up. Heather Says: This fic left me ACHING for the Inception fandom circa 2010-2012. When livejournal was still a thing and the fandom community was alive and thriving. It is so achingly tender and perfect. I had forgotten how much I loved them.

21. brutalist masterpieces by @greatunironic | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 12k

Ten years on, in a town in Nova Scotia, on the edge of the Atlantic, Eddie finds Steve again, and also maybe himself. Heather Says: Maybe that's my thing this year. Achingly sweet tender pieces that leave you reeling in the aftermath. This fic is SO incredibly beautiful.

22. What Made Milwaukee Famous by synthetica | Danny Phantom | Vlad/Danny | 30k

Ten years after establishing a tenuous truce, Danny crash-lands at Vlad's Milwaukee lakehouse with a particularly nasty wound, three days recovery time, and absolutely nothing to do but talk to his long-lost archnemesis. Heather Says: I'm told that this is something of a rarepair. However, from the limited information that I have from the series I can say with full certainty that two ghostly beings locked for years as enemies growing up and meeting in the middle? Fully my thing.

23. then now and always by @raisesomehale | Teen Wolf | Derek/Stiles | 13k

Stiles is stuck. Stiles is stuck in the fucking snow in the middle of bum-fuck-nowhere at night with a broken down car three days before Christmas, and the nearest tow truck company—over fifty miles away—doesn’t open until morning. Heather Says: And here we have the promised third Teen Wolf fic, the most cathartic of the bunch. I am so so sweet on future fic particularly in this fandom with missed chances. And this one is just so syrupy sweet. It's winter! There's horses! Derek's an alpha! They smooch. Anyway, this is how I cope with a series finale that didn't happen and a movie that doesn't exist.

24. Terminus by @rcmclachlan | Loki | Loki/Mobius | 4k

"Keep me here," he begs against Mobius's lips. "You must keep me here." Heather Says: What do you mean you didn't spend all three replays of the Loki series finale weeping into a pillow? What do you mean you didn't spend the next few days trying to find the perfect coda? What do you mean that you didn't find this fic and positively expire from the sheer fucking tenderness in Mobius' voice? What do you mean? What. do you. mean? Anyway, I know I'm not supposed to have number one favorites. This list exists because I cannot condense it further than 25. But guys, this was my favorite fic this year.

25. Eye Of The Beholder by @entanglednow | Stranger Things | Steve/Eddie | 22k

Eddie works himself up to ask Steve if he can borrow his instant camera, because the type of pictures he wants to take are…not the kind he can get developed in town. Heather Says: And to round it out, another Steddie. This one with sexy photos. The tension is killer.

#heather says what #top 25 #year in review #fic recs #recommendations #2023 #new year's memes #teen wolf #stranger things #loki #inception #supernatural #danny phantom #dc #harry potter

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fandom-eater67 · 4 months

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Am I the only one that wants Cas to be mad about loving Dean? Like, I know this would never happen because of the fact that Cas is happy just with the simple fact that he loves Dean and that Dean knows it, but I want him to yell about it. I want him to yell at Dean about how he literally TURNED DOWN HEAVEN....h.e.a.v.e.n...his brothers and sisters that he followed orders with for MILLENIA, for Dean, because just being near him gave Cas a hope that things could be different. I want him to yell at Dean that he tried everything for him, saving him from things with no "thank you" in return, that even when Dean kicked him out or wished him dead for something he didn't do, that all he ever wanted from Dean was to see himself how Cas sees him and that he doesn't care if he loves him back or not (but please, love him back) but to not waste his life thinking he doesn't deserve to be saved.

#castiel #dean winchester #destiel #supernatural #crowley #sam winchester #november 5th #spn #spn fanfic #spn fandom #spn 15x18 #spn 4x01

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keencroissantgardenflap · 26 days

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DUMBLEDORE RANTS

I've thought that witnessing Marauders fans blame all the deaths on Dumbledore is annoying enough, until I saw DRACO fans blame Dumbledore for all the wrong choices and stupid decisions that DRACO made HIMSELF????!!!

That person said it was Albus's fault for ignoring Draco's issues, for turning a blind eye on whatever happened to Draco in HBP and only lend a helping hand at the end of HBP.

And I was like???? 😦😦😦🤡🤡🤡??? Seriously???? Can you use your brain? At that time of the story, Dumbledore was a leader of an army and he had a mf WAR to deal with, he had plans to complete and had many other people (children, women, men) to protect. He needed to find out what was happening between Harry and Voldemort and turned that information into something useful that could make his side win the war.

He was old as fuck and still had to worry about several things, he sacrificed himself to make a way for the other, for a ray of hope. He was weak, sick and injured after destroying a Horcrux and coming through all the things in that full-of-inferiors cave. Yet he still made an unsual effort to control the situation and did his best to save as many people as he could. And you still think that he had any free time to worry about some brats putting himself in a fucked up position?

I don't say that everything happened to Draco was all Draco's fault. I know he's just a spoiled child who became cocky, rude, selfish and rac*st because of the environment he grew up in and a secret desire to satisfy his parents's expectations. I know he isn't evil at all and didn't deserve all the bad things happened to him. BUT Draco wasn't the only one who was in danger. Every other students, other children were also facing the same war. Did you see what happened to Dean, Seamus, Nevellie and their families? Did you see what happened to other creatures like the elves and goblins? Did you see what happened to Order and Ministry members when Voldemort chased after them and tortured then killed them brutally? Dumbledore was losing HIS PEOPLE one by one, the war became very dangerous for his side and he couldn't hesitate anymore, he must do something, anything to make it better.

And despite all of those terrible things, Dumbledore still cared for you all precious Draco 😀. He had a plan for saving that boys soul, soothe him with warming advices while Draco's wand was still pointing at his neck. All the things he told Draco at the moment before his death are to make Draco not feel guilty about his actions. What else do you want Dumbledore do to help Draco? How else could Dumbledore help him if Draco rejected even his favourite teacher, the one he used to respect - Snape? Things happened to Draco wasn't only because of his fault, but it also was NOT DUMBLEDORE'S.

You think they would win the war without Dumbledore? You think your favourite character died because of him? Shut up you idiot 😊😊

I'm not even a Dumbledore defender, I know that old man also made mistakes in his life but I swear those ppls and their Dumbledore slander start being annoying as fuck. NOT EVERYTHING is his fault ok???? Urrggggg I'm going to get mad because of those ppls, they start losing their sanity for real 💀💀💀, they should be banned from social media for the peace of the world 🫂🫂🫂🤗🤗🤗

#albus dumbledore #professor dumbledore #pro dumbledore #he didn't deserve all of those hatings #you think they would win the war without Dumbledore?#then you're idiots #this is just about some of Draco fans #i didn't even mention how ridiculous of the Marauders fans #rant post #hp fandom #harry potter fandom #harry potter #draco malfoy

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wolvesandfoxes25 · 21 days

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The beauty of forgiveness..and how it tied together two storylines.

So, I did make a post on Jean saving Reiner but as I cooked dinner tonight, I thought back to one of my main otps...Destiel. And how Castiel saved Dean from hell. And...I thought back to Jean saving Reiner, and it clicked in my brain. Like a bulb flicking on.

TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide attempt gif from AOT and talk of suicidal ideation. PWC (proceed with caution.)

Anyway, we all know that Reiner was suicidal in Season 4. He was being eaten alive by guilt.. Not only that, but his ENTIRE life had been a lie. Not to mention, he was the only one in his group to return home. There's a lot of layers to Reiners tragic character. Self hatred, survivors guilt, insomnia, PTSD, weight loss, etc.)

All of these events came from him waiting for death.

First gif was after the declaration of war. He wasn't going to fight, he was waiting for it to all be over. He even says.."Just let me...die in peace." Suicidal ideation.

Second one..he attempts suicide. The ONLY thing that stops him from pulling that trigger was Falco and the future child warriors. That's it.

Third one: Waiting for Falco to eat him after Zeke transforms everyone. Didn't fight, or struggle, just wanted to be eaten and done. That's suicidal ideation.

Honestly, I could probably tack on more, but those were the BLATANT tries at killing himself. Not to mention, he allowed Jean to beat him to a bloody pulp and probably would've let him beat him to death, too. Yes, I said allowed.. he didn't make any sort of attempt to fight, didn't put his arms up, no shielding his face, nothing. He wanted that beating because he felt he deserved it. That's why he didn't fight back. Honestly, a part of me felt like he goaded Jean, he knows his temper (hair trigger) knows it's a sensitive subject. Knows nothing he says will make it better. And kept going, anyway. But that's just MY theory.

^^rough scene to watch. Because it makes Jean feel so fucking badly.

Part 2: Forgiven?

Jean says he forgives Reiner, but it still feels...empty? To me. But hell, maybe that's JUST me. Cause Reiner doesn't forgive himself. I think he's relieved to some degree that they UNDERSTAND the plight he, Annie and Bertolt went through. But is that forgiveness? Or just understanding?

Part 3: Reiner played a big part in Jeans story.

It's been established during training Reiner was held in high regard by the other scouts. Which is exactly what Reiner was trying to portray. A fake personality. A fake sense of security for those around him. And Jean wasn't impervious to this. He, like Reiner, had his own facade. Being a smart ass and overly confident. Which...as we know covered low self-esteem, low self worth and fear. Man, sounds like someone else we know, huh? Few things we know of Jean and Reiners childhoods..

Both bullied

Both 'sweet boys'

Both sensitive

Both mamas boys (I don't like Carina)

I'm gonna just add this. I LOVE how a lot of the men in this manga all really love their mothers. Jean, Eren, Armin, Levi, & Connie. I digress though.

Jean wanted to iminate Reiners' strength, perseverance, confidence, and skill.

^^bisexual panic 😋😋

"That beautiful bastard."

Continued on Post 2...

#jean x reiner #reijean #my meta #reiner x jean #reiner braun #jean kirstein #jean kirschtein #aot #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin #part 1 of 2

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thatmexisaurusrex · 1 month

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if we got a second season of tfatws what would you want to be in it 👀

Oh my gosh, such a good question to ask! 😆 A very hard one too Cassie, lemme think on this 🤔

Okay, a few things that would be a must would be:

A "Meanwhile, on the boat..." moment, or perhaps a montage of moments where things are happening throughout the MCU movies that happened post-TFATWS and Sam and Bucky are just 😂 on the boat, hearing about the events after the fact. I keep thinking about the scene in season 7 of Supernatural where they montage Dean commenting on what Castiel does with his new godlike powers while Dean fixes his car, but it doesn't have to be like that (3:16-3:46 here for reference lol).

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Sam needs to save Bucky from falling. Sam had someone he couldn't save in the air. Bucky didn't have anyone to save him when he fell. Sam and Bucky both need that catharsis and it's wild that didn't happen in the first season.

Sam flying around as Bucky snipes at things 😂 Again - how did that not happen in the first season?

Sam and Bucky must either be already roommates or looking for an apartment which will be the place they will live in together.

Sarah, AJ, and Cass must be in it as well as other people we've seen like Carlos, Tommy, Isaiah, and Eli.

Another song by Curtis Harding must close the show's next sunset ending (it MUST be a good ending where they look into the sunset again, I'm sorry, I don't make the rules). Perhaps Can't Hide It by Curtis Harding?

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Joaquín! There must be more Jay, I refuse to believe there wouldn't be so much more Jay in a season two.

FLASHBACKS. WHERE. WERE. THE. FLASHBACKS. Gimme Sam and Riley flashbacks, flashbacks of Sam with his family, gimme more info on Sam.

Can we???? Get more info on Sarah too???? Like was she married before??? Who are Cass and AJ's dad or dads??? How does she feel about Sam disappearing for a huge chunk of years??? I just want to know more about her.

And GIDEON. GIVE SAM HIS OLDER BROTHER.

Also, GIVE SAM BIRD TELEPATHY, YOU COWARDS, AS WELL AS A FALCON NAMED REDWING.

AYO AND ANEKA VISIT. THEY HAVE TO VISIT. LET AYO AND ANEKA BE BESTIES WITH SAM AND BUCKY.

Acknowledgment that Sam found Bucky in Europe but kept Bucky's secret and visited Bucky. Also that Sam visited Bucky during his time as a goatherder in Wakanda, possibly with a reference to the costco tub of lube 😂

MORE EPISODES. GIVE US MORE EPISODES. GIVE US TEN EPISODES AT LEAST, YOU COWARDS.

Things I can live without but I think would be a waste if they aren't in a hypothetical season two:

A huge and exciting action sequence during a New Orleans Mardi Gras Parade with Sam being the King of that parade.

There's a team of villainous jugglers in the Marvel comics called the Death-Throws. I really want them as secondary comedic villains who may or may not be kind of good people a la Jessie, James, and Meowth from Team Rocket in Pokemon movies. Just let Sam and Bucky have some comedy villains in the background doing their thing, Marvel.

Visiting Steve on the Moon. I just think Sam and Bucky deserve space shenanigans. I will also take a Facetime, if that's too out of budget, though.

Misty Knight cameo where Sam and Misty either imply or outright talk about being exes. Probably amicable, though, it would be funny if Sam's a bit awkward about it, but Misty's chill with him.

Karli resurrection. She deserved more of a redemption arc than Walker. Bring her back to life, Disney, I dare you.

Bucky and Falcon!Redwing don't get along. More because Bucky is jealous than anything else.

A VISIT TO WAKANDA! Do they go to Birnin Zana? Do they visit the town Bucky was living in as a goatherder? Do they go to Ayo and Aneka's home for dinner? Maybe they possibly only let Sam into the country while Ayo is like "I told you to lie low for a while, White Wolf" to Bucky 😂

Baron Zemo can have a cameo, if only because Anthony Mackie was bummed that Daniel Brühl isn't a part of Cap 4.

Wildest Options I Don't Think Would Happen But I Would Love:

SamBucky wedding. It all takes place the days leading up to their wedding. Or, if I'm being more realistic, a wedding. Like, if, say Sarah and Rhodey were getting married or Carol and Valkyrie or perhaps Ayo and Aneka.

SamBucky kiss? Though, again, highly doubt that and I'm really okay with SamBucky not being canon.

Fourth wall break where Feige himself walks into a room, sits down, and apologizes about how he treated Sam Wilson's character in the MCU and promises to do better. He pulls out an entire slide show and the episode is just him talking about how he will be integrating Sam more thoroughly into the MCU. I'm talking how specifically Sam will cameo, where he will cameo, pitches for other projects Sam will be heavily tied to, the works.

#tfatws #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #oh if there was a season two that would be so fun

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