#and then it got me thinking how Cas was blaming Dean about this in s15

[gracelesstars]

On this New Year's Eve, are you too thinkin' bout season 8's: "I did everything I could to get you out! Everything... I did not leave you!" "Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn't want to be saved... After the things I did... I didn't deserve to be out." and season 15's: "I left, but you didn't stop me."?? Because let's be real - Cas would *not* have stayed if Dean had stopped him as he didn't think he deserved to have Dean's acceptance/love. (can't believe that 3yrs later on I am doing 180 on this - i.e. initially thinking that Cas not staying was a result of Dean not asking)

anyways, I guess this is your usual reminder that Dean saving Cas from the Empty & saying "you don't think you deserved to be saved/loved?" is the only series conclusion that would've made perfect sense. See you with the same message, just rephrased differently, next year!

#spn #supernatural #destiel #dean winchester #castiel #believe it or not i was having a normal evening #but then my brain decided to project into my mind the clip of teary-eyed Dean saying all that in s8 #the emotion in that scene had my spn brainworms active again #that was Dean-way saying that he wanted Cas to STAY (with him) #and then it got me thinking how Cas was blaming Dean about this in s15 #which is bs because Cas would've left anyways #he did so many times later on in s15 after all #Just how Dean didn't think he deserved to be saved #Cas didn't think he deserved to be loved #and that's why the ghost of the Empty-rescue-finale will haunt me for the rest of my life #in another universe they complete this perfect parallel and end up together 😢😔

[jenanigans1207]

Me, who hasn’t even gotten to s15 yet, writing a fix-it fic? More likely than you think!

—

“I made a deal with the empty,” Cas whispers to the space between him and Sam. “I offered it my life in place of Jack’s. And the empty agreed if it got to take me the moment I felt true happiness.” Cas steadies himself to say the words for a second time— the words he never even thought he’d say one time. “I knew that we were out of options and that if I summoned the empty, I would be able to take Billie with me so that Dean would make it out. So I— I told Dean that I love him.”

The sharp breath Sam takes this time is tinged with so much sadness that it’s tangible.

“Fucking hell.” Sam mutters, shaking his head and ignoring the longer pieces of his hair that fall into his eyes. “Now I’m mad at you. Fuck, no wonder Dean took it so much harder this time.”

“I never intended to tell him how I felt, Sam. But it was the only way for him to make it out alive and I— I needed him to survive. That was the only thing that mattered.” Cas doesn’t regret it, even now. He knows that he’d do it a million times over if it was still the only way to save Dean and he’d never regret it. “And I know it’s not something he wants, which is why I had assumed that he would simply try to erase any memory of that night, so he’d never have to deal with a confession such as that.”

When he looks up, Sam is pinching the bridge of his nose and staring down it at Cas. True to what he’d said a moment ago, he does look mad at Cas, but not in the same way that Dean had looked mad at Cas before he’d stormed out earlier.

“For the fact that you know Dean as well as you do, you sure don’t seem to know shit about him when it relates to you.” Sam mumbles, finally dropping his hand with a sigh. “Okay, listen. I won’t speak to Dean’s feelings— not because I don’t know them but because Dean’s already going to kick my ass for telling you all that I’ve already told you and even I know that his feelings are something he should tell you. But I will tell you this: Dean blames himself for everything bad that’s happened to you. He blames himself for you falling, for every ounce of blood that’s on your hands, and every hard time you’ve had in the last twelve goddamn years. That shit keeps him up at night, trust me.”

“Everything I’ve done, I’ve done for Dean, to some extent.” Cas replies. “But that doesn’t make it Dean’s fault. They were all my decisions.”

“I know that. And you know that. But Dean? Trust me, Cas, he’s put everything that happened to you high on the list of reasons he hates himself. And it’s a long ass list.”

“I know it is.” Cas mumbles.

“So you must understand that not only did you tell Dean you love him— something he wouldn’t have reacted poorly to, by the way— but you used it to— to die. Literally you made loving Dean the cause of your death, you realize that, right? And I know, Cas, I know you didn’t mean it like that. But to Dean and his fucked up brain, he got you killed. The one thing he’s never been able to tolerate and he is now the direct cause of it.” Sam explains and it’s so stupid, it’s so stupid—

But it’s exactly how Dean’s brain works and Cas knows that.

And that’s fine, sort of, because he still wouldn’t change the fact that he confessed to save Dean. He didn’t have time in that moment to think about how it would mess Dean up and a messed up but alive Dean was better than the alternative so that was fine. What wasn’t fine, however, was the fact that Cas never thought about it after. Now that he’s back, now that he’s had time to see how Dean reacted and how he handled Cas’s death, he still hasn’t spent any time to think about the role he played in that or the ways he could have made it worse. And that is unacceptable.

Cas sighs and deflates in the seat. He feels like his strings have been cut, like there isn’t an ounce of fight left in him. He feels like he could simply sit here, glued to this chair, for the rest of eternity.

The thing is— Cas isn’t unaccustomed to messing up or hurting Dean. He’s not inexperienced at crossing lines he both does and does not see. It’s not new for him to let Dean down or betray him. But this— this is something else entirely and they all know it. Because Sam is right, Cas is one of very few people who has been gifted Dean’s trust. He knows that and has spent twelve years cherishing that fact on a daily basis, grateful and awestruck that he had been given something so beautiful and precious. He knows that he has been granted insight into Dean that nobody else, not even Sam, gets. That he has been the only one that has been able to get through to him sometimes.

He has been indescribably privileged to be this close to Dean at all, let alone for this long. He knows that, it’s the greatest blessing of his eternal life and he knows with an unbridled sort of certainty that nothing else will ever honor him in the same way, nothing else will ever even come close.

And through one careless remark, one remark made out of an attempt to deflect his own shortcomings, he has shattered twelve years of a bond that has held strong through everything else. He has laughed in the face of the greatest gift he has ever been given and he was too blinded by his own shortcomings to even realize he was doing any of this.

“I’ve really fucked this up, haven’t I?” Cas asks, looking ruefully at Sam.

Sam’s smile and huff of a laugh in response is sad and a little amused. “Yeah,” He says after a minute. “You have. But like I said, Dean’s never been one to deny you second, third, or even fiftieth chances.”

“I’ve never hurt him like this before.” Cas points out.

“Nobody has ever hurt him like this before.” Sam remarks, and it’s clear that he doesn’t mean the statement to hurt, but it does anyways. “But that’s because he’s never cared about anybody like this. The way he is with you, Cas it’s— he never has been and never could be that way with anyone else. Whatever you two have, it’s completely irreplaceable.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s unbreakable,” Cas says dejectedly.

Sam stands up then, walking around the table to clap Cas on the shoulder in the way the Winchesters always do when they’re trying to be heartfelt or encouraging. It’s the closest they come to physical affection when nobody’s life is immediately on the line and it helps Cas feel a little better.

“Cas, if there’s one thing I’m certain of, it’s that Dean will never let you go now that you’re back. He could spent the rest of his life spitting mad at you, and he’d still do it from no more than five feet away. When he comes back— and he will— he’ll be mad and he’ll be hurt, but he’ll be right here. You’ll have a chance to fix this.” It’s encouraging and terrifying in the same moment but Cas is grateful for Sam’s vote of confidence nonetheless. “Just don’t ask me how to fix it, because I sure as shit don’t know. You two have never gone about things in a way I can understand.”

Cas looks up at Sam, meeting his gaze. “Thank you for your insight, Sam.”

“Just remember,” Sam’s hand slips off of his shoulder. “There’s a reason that Dean cares as much as he does and takes your death as hard as he does. And the reason sounds a lot like something you said to him.”

“I thought you weren’t going to tell me how Dean feels.”

“I’m not.” Sam answers as he heads towards the door. “I’m just hinting at it. It’s different.”

He swings through the doorway and around the corner before Cas has a chance to say anything else.

#literally I have no excuse for this #I’m on s10 #but I’ve read so many goddamn fix its #that I just want to write my own now #it’s cathartic somehow #destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural

[incarnateirony]

was john abusive, yes. was he neglectful, yes. Was he innately evil, no. But general areas you even try to discuss shit like cycles of abuse and you get branded an abuse apologist like. no!! I hate who john was by mainline spn!! but i don't hate the innocent john crawling back from vietnam that americans had initially been told was a great duty to fulfill before it all went sideways!! vets were victims of the imperialist system too!!! I don't hate the bright eyed boy in love with the Nice Girl that wanted to buy a goddamn vw bus because he wanted to have a family!! That guy!!

the man motherfucking walked into his son's nursery one day and his wife fucking exploded on the goddamn ceiling!! war vet or not that's bound to fuck anybody up!! and what therapy or help did he have!! yes mister psychologist there are demons chasing me and my sons i'm not crazy??? what venues did this guy even have!! it doesn't justify how he channeled it but humans are FUCKING MESSY even ones that started good!! yall mfers lash out over someone's unethical consumption of fucking moon pies and turn it into a 5 year long campaign aggroing someone eating twinkies and you expect me to think the majority of you would process that shit any better than john did?

the entire point of dean's journey even is about Not Becoming That. And that at times he got way too close to it, like when cas died at the end of s12 and dean basically indirectly and at times directly blamed jack!! yknow the cursed yellow eyed lucifer kid??? "dean ur acting like dad"!! barking orders being consumed by anger and loss and revenge!! that's even the plot of s15!! The Trap!! The alternate times!! but moving on and letting go not bc it doesn't hurt but so that you don't become that person!! ITS THE ENTIRE P0INT

Dean's Wife™️ exploded in black goo and at first he was passed out drunk on a whiskey bottle but Wife™️ had taught him he wasn't just that hate and anger and grief and he actually internalized it and grew and freed himself of that cycle!!! goddamnit!! it's the whole point!!!! and that doesn't mean dean was perfectly ok at the end either!! Grief doesn't go away, but life grows around it!! Dean was starting to let life grow around his loss and that's the real tragedy on his life being cut short, beyond our parasocial relationship with a fictional character we watched grow up for 15 years and just want to put in a nice coffeeshop au!!!

#supernatural #spn #the winchesters #spn prequel

[vminvisiblestring]

How Robert Berens Made Destiel Canon

or The Beautifully Tragic Road to Destiel

in honor of their one month anniversary, i want to talk about robert berens and how he made it his mission to make destiel canon and the care he took approaching their relationship...

i dont know if this has been pointed out before, but i was looking at the episodes bobo berens wrote when i realized something: he wrote all the significant destiel episodes in s15. i think that means he probably planned to make destiel canon long before s15 started:

he hid a love story inside the monster story. a love story told in five parts:

• initiating event

• rising action

• climax (first twist)

• falling action

• second twist (no resolution)

14x18: absence - “initiating event”

the initiating event introduces the conflict and sets events into motion in a story.

in absence, cas reveals to dean that jack might not have a soul and therefore might not know that hurting his mother was wrong. this angers dean and results in dean telling cas “youre dead to me”. this initiates a chain of events that lead their relationship to experience a tear (or rupture).

15x03: the rupture - “rising action”

the rising action is the result of a character trying to (in this case) solve a problem but a force is at conflict with the character. for every step taken, there is either a successful or failed outcome; this pattern continues all the way to the climax.

complications in dean and cas’s relationship continue to widen the distance between them into the start of season 15 with the deaths of rowena and belphagor (for which dean blames cas) culminating in the infamous “breakup” scene. cas said there was nothing left for him anymore and leaves dean.

15x08: our father who arent in heaven - “rising action”

bobo didnt write this episode but its important to the path because rowena tells dean and cas to fix their relationship in the same episode that michael sends them to purgatory (aka the place dean realized he was in love with cas all those years ago and where they fixed their relationship the first time)

15x09: the trap - ‘climax & first twist”

the climax is the most emotional part of the story and is reached when the character takes the final step to resolve their problem. this is also where the turning point of the story begins and descends to the falling action (and if there is a plot twist, it happens here).

the first twist: dean confesses first. this scene is deans confession disguised as an apology. he might lose cas and needed him to know hes sorry. the prayer scene is so important because, if we read the scene, this is in fact, an apology, but its so much more than that. dean responds to cas’s “i left but you didnt stop me” with “i should have stopped you”. this scene showed just how much dean has grown, how much he’s trying and how much he wants to be free of the anger he feels because he realized it was what separated him from the man he loves on multiple occasions. this is deans way of saying “im sorry. i didnt mean anything i said. you are the most important person in my life and i let you leave. i shouldnt have let you leave. thats my fault. im trying to get better. please tell me you’re gonna be okay. tell me this isnt the last time i’ll ever see you. please. i love you”.

dean and cas reunite near the rift but dean doesnt want to leave before telling cas something. we know it cant be the prayer because its obvious cas heard that; this is something else, but cas stops him. this scene is them making amends with each other the best way they know how: a silent knowing. the conflict has finally been resolved.

15x12: galaxy brain - “falling action”

the falling action consists of the after-effects of the climax and every event from here onward should lead to a logical conclusion.

dean and cas’s relationship is better, they seem at peace. the silent knowing is definitely there, and they both seem comfortable the way they left things. the way things are going, they’ll likely have as much a “happy” ending as a fallen angel and a hunter can have without talking about this silent knowing. we cant forget about the looming empty deal, but knowing cas will never be truly happy, it seems like dean and cas are going to be friends for a long time...

15x18: despair - “second twist”

after the falling action comes the resolution. sometimes in film and television, a surprise second twist will occur after the climax and toss the characters into another fight. the second twist is resolved quicker than the first and leads to a speedy resolution.

the second twist here, however, replaces the resolution because the story of destiel sadly and infuriatingly, never got its resolution.

i feel like bobo was told cas was going to get killed off and thats why he knew there was no way the network would allow dean to reciprocate so he did the best he could to work around the homophobia and make destiel canon as much as possible for us.

this is the most “resolution” we were given by a show we spent years watching and loving. we rooted for the characters, we fought as much for their happiness as they did themselves. and it ended up stabbing jensen, misha, bobo, other cast members, some writers and the fans in the back.

deans face here is all i have left to hold on to and thats not fair. and its not fair that after all these years this is what they did to one of the most complex love stories ever told. not only that, but dean and cas were also some of the complex characters ever put to screen. this is not a good ending for them and it never will be. not until they both get the endings they deserve, as individuals and as one. and im sorry for the pain all this mess has caused and would like nothing more than to squeeze everyone really tight and tell you it’ll be okay.

#destiel #cockles #jensen literally approved of misha and bobos plans for destiel #i mean whenever jensen directed he made sure there were destiel scenes #he WANTED dean and cas to become more intimate #dean and cas deserved to speak their truth and be happy together #not to mention a majority of destiel shippers and dean and cas stans are #lgbtq #so thats just another big fuck you on top of the spits and slaps to our faces with that finale #im sorry to get so negative in a post thats supposed to be positive and bring levity to the darkness we've had this past month #i just cant help but feel so much anger #for robert berens #for jensen #for misha #for us #anyways always remember #destiel is fucking canon #and #homosexual declaration of love #deancas #dean winchester #dean #castiel #cas #supernatural #supernatural final season #spn #bobo berens #jensen ackles #jensen

[mittensmorgul]

just watched the ep where april kills cas on my season 9 rewatch and it really hit me that dean has really had to watch cas die right in front of him almost every single time.

Oh yeah (i hate that episode and generally just... avoid it when I can lol).

But how many times has Dean had to watch Cas actually die? Lots! Let's reflect.

He only saw the aftermath of Cas's first explosion in 4.22, but Chuck really played it up with the description (exploded like a water balloon of Chunky soup) and the visual aid of pulling one of Cas's teeth out of his hair... That guy is such a jerk... >.>

(I mean, he also hit Sam in the head with a plunger, but that's neither here nor there)

The first time Dean gets to WATCH Cas die is in 5.22, when Lucifer explodes him again.

He gets to watch Cas die again at the end of 7.01, after he returns the souls to Purgatory. He hadn't looked great moments before, and his dying wish had been for Dean to forgive him (Dean obviously wasn't ready for that, but watching what he believed was Cas dying there sort of pushed him in that direction). He's only down for a minute before he recovers, again. But it's too late anyway because...

Dean gets to watch him die again in the opening scenes of 7.02. Cas is overtaken by leviathans who walk him out into that lake and explode him again. All Dean has left is the trench that he'll lug from stolen junker to stolen junker for most of the rest of the season until he's able to return it to Cas.

Granted, Cas doesn't die in 7.17, but he does the next closest thing by taking on Sam's soul damage and going comatose. Sam was expected to die from this state, but with Cas... Dean just doesn't know what will happen to him, and still has to walk away because they've still got a planet to save.

In purgatory, he didn't see Cas die, but what he did see was so traumatic (Cas CHOOSING to stay behind, not wanting to return with him, as they were surrounded by monsters at the portal) that Dean literally invented a false memory of him failing to pull Cas through the portal and blaming himself for why Cas was left behind (and probably died, as he led Sam to believe in 8.01).

After the angel fall event, when Cas wasn't replying to his prayers, Dean wondered for a bit if Cas might be dead (why else wouldn't he have contacted Dean? In Dean's mind?), and then the incident you mention in 9.03. That... was probably the worst for Dean to date, because Cas had ALWAYS come back to him eventually, but he'd never been human when he'd died, either. The horror of having been SO CLOSE to saving him, and having directly failed him completely was too much.

(we won't even talk about how Dean was manipulated by an angel holding Sam hostage into kicking Cas out on his own after that, but that also tore Dean up inside... thanks to Bobo for 9.06 for showing us that, and showing Dean finally being there JUST IN TIME TO SAVE CAS, tossing the angel blade to him so he could save himself)

It also bothers me that Dean never really knew how bad Cas's grace situation was during s9 and s10, and even during s15 when Cas began to realize that his powers were fading again and directly tried to talk with Dean about that several times. There was always just too much else going on-- in s9 and 10 with the Mark and concern for Dean, and in s15 with worry over Jack, Sam's Equalizer Wound, what Chuck was doing, Billie, etc. They had a lot going on... But I really wish that arc hadn't been abandoned... but again, that's for another post to rant about :'D

By this point, it's 100% logical why Dean gets so upset when Cas disappears and stops returning his calls. He has watched Cas die too many times, and I don't know that he could've lived with himself if he just never heard back from Cas again, you know? (which also makes the series finale entirely implausible, because wtf... knowing what the Empty is and the fact Cas was literally only there because of his love for Dean... and not even expressing a little regret over that let alone feeling compelled to at least TRY to rescue him... it's just not believable to me at all)

But then we have 12.23/13.01... and the grief arc following it. That actually broke him.

Which brings us to 15.09, and believing he'd lost Cas in purgatory again, this time with a definite countdown clock and knowing if he couldn't find Cas and bring him out by the time the portal closed he'd likely never see Cas again. I honestly think if Cas hadn't been waiting for him at the portal that Dean would've just chosen to stay in Purgatory to look for him again, even despite what was going on back on Earth. At least in Purgatory, he knew the deal.

Wait... what were we talking about? Oh right, all the times Dean actually watched Cas die.

Bonus round: We know during s7 at least he had a recurring nightmare of watching Cas wade into the lake to die. I don't know that I could bear to know what the rest of his nightmares were like... How many times did he relive all those deaths in horrific dreamscapes?

Thank you anon, I think this is the most awful route I've ever taken to explore their relationship. New agony at every rest stop! :'D

#destiel #the scheherazade of supernatural #spn 9.03 #i know folks like me to tag for that episode because it's a trigger for a lot of folks...

[americachavez]

did cas really tell dean to kneel before their new god? did that actually happen? i thought him beating the shit out of dean in that alley was the most unrestrainedly horny thing this show had ever done ACTUALLY you know what scratch that new question: top horny moments from the cw's supernatural (2005 - 2020)

getting this ask feels like my sins of the last week have been weighed against the Trials I Have Gone Through since the premier of supernatural on the wb in september of 2005 and I’m not sure if it is a punishment or reward

some notes before we begin:

the ep with dean’s male siren was like, conceptually horny but not actually that horny because the dude was uglie. I’m sorry to this man

all you sam girls out there. I respect you but I do not respect jared padalecki who is JUST tall and has zero sex appeal. but those eps where he’s like, drinking ruby’s blood and then eating her pussy are. you know. I’ll give you that

I am ONLY UP TO SEASON 10 so fair warning this is not comprehensive but the horniness does seem to drop off sharply after the mark of cain is no longer in play lol gotta love a good demon murder tattoo plot

this is easily the most insane thing I’ve ever done, including the destiel manifesto

S1 EP12: the scene where dean gets healed by the faith healer, on his knees with a hand in his hair and looking somewhere between religious ecstasy, brain death and an orgasm. starting this list off great

S1 EP22: azazel possessing john winchester. no I will not explain further if u know u know <3

S3 EP10: dean being taunted by a dream version of himself, this is where we first got the daddy’s blunt little instrument line. still burned in my hippocampus a good 13 years later thank yew

S4 EP1: dean crawling out of his own grave covered in grave dirt. hot. the HANDPRINT. HOT. also tangent but this reveal after the s3 finale was WILD back in 2008 I hollered in my dorm room after canvassing for obama. simpler times man

S4 EP 1: cas’ intro scene. the barn. the shadow wings. the hair??? getting stabbed in the chest by the man you just pulled out of hell. getting aaaallll up in that personal space. his little eyebrow. “you don’t think you deserve to be saved.” OUTRAGEOUSLY FLAMING

S4 EP02: “I dragged you out of hell I can throw you back in.” <<< this angel tops. mark dean down as scared and horny etc

S4 EP16: this ENTIRE EPISODE but specifically the part where dean tortures alastair as some kind of foreplay and then alastair kicks his ass. carved you into a new animal. jesus.

S4 EP16: wait I forgot about the part where cas also gets his ass kicked and looks all....hm. dazed and covered in blood while he’s on his knees and about to die. yeah.

S5 EP4: I mean this entire ep is unfairly horny considering everyone is dying of a zombie plague and hasn’t showered in like, 4 years but if I had to pick one hmmm. the dean/dean interrogation scene with the panty kink yeah I know it’s not original but hm. it happened. also misha collins just being able to convey that CAS IS A FLEXIBLE SLUT with a single roll of his shoulders. who SAYS this man can’t act!!!!!

S5 EP18: the ALLEY SCENE. DEAN DOESN’T FIGHT BACK. CAS HOLDS HIM UP OFF THE GROUND AND THEN THROWS HIM ACROSS THE ALLEY. WHY DID EVERYONE THINK CAS COULDN’T TOP. you all had brainworms.

S5 EP18: when cas locks dean in the panic room to stop him from saying yes to michael and “well cas not for nothing but the last person who looked at me like that I got laid” I hate this show. wait I think the blow me cas line is in this episode too what the fuck were they on here

S6 EP5: the scene where dean gets turned into a vampire. between the old dude who I think calls dean a pretty boy (??) and soulless sam....watching??? no ******* but there were just some absolutely foul energies in that scene and I still do not understand WHAT they were thinking

S6 EP20: cas doing a double smite on two demons by slamming them to the ground and then shoving another demon back in its vessel and then smiting him in the same motion. TOP. ENERGY.

S6 EP22: season 6 is possibly cas’ horniest season because he’s like, going through angel puberty after getting his first boner for dean, but the final cas eps are. whoof. cas eats a bunch of souls and proclaims himself to be a new god in order to handle said boner, and then the season ends with cas telling them to bow down and profess their love to him, their new lord, or he will destroy them. note: the way this is framed makes it look like cas is only staring at dean while he says this, even though sam and bobby are also there. the season ends with dramatic zooms on both cas and dean’s faces respectively. this made me actively regret ditching this show after s5 lol

S8 EP??: literally EVERY SINGLE PURGATORY FLASHBACK. cas dean and benny are all purgatory hot in the “pop 10 cranberry pills and risk the UTI” kind of way but also. dean being the hot girl bottom between two tops who hate each other. I really. whew. I need to go take a shower.

S8 EP17: if I get canceled for including the crypt scene on this list I blame you bud. but dean on his knees begging a brainwashed cas to stop killing him WAS sexy. how many times has dean been on his knees in this list wait there’s another one coming up next jsldjfsldkjf

S9 EP2: abaddon getting dean on his knees (YEAH) and pulling his hair and praising him for always coming when called HELLO???? the only thing that ruins this is dean says “I can’t tell if we’re gonna fight or make out” because this is the CW and they won’t let him say fuck

S9 EP6: ah. this entire episode is Emotionally Horny but the horny horny part is when they’re in the car and dean is telling cas to unbutton his shirt and. watches. I know this was on my destiel manifesto but I need it here too

S9 EP9: cas, covered in blood, slitting another angel’s throat and eating his grace after getting tortured. that shot alone made me understand why this website was so goddamn horny for misha collins for nearly a damn decade

S9 EP11: MARK OF CAIN BABEY. cain watching dean beat up a bunch of demons as an audition for taking on the mark, while crowley also is a fucking voyeur to the whole thing. cain is also a hot silver fox with daddy energies. I said what I said

S9 EP 16: dean getting the first blade. he’s chained to a pillar and being menaced by a foppish dandy who wants to add him to his “collection” (WOW). dean then kills him with the blade and whew. murder is sexy sometimes

S9 EP21: dean being pinned against a wall by abaddon’s power, then using the mark of cain to break her hold, calling the first blade to him psychically and then killing her. god the mark of cain is hot

S9 EP23: dean waking up with the demon eyes NUT

S10 EP2: demon dean beating up that dude with the boring backstory and kicking his ass. really was a go on baby I got your flower moment because I hated that dude and I love demon dean

S10 EP3: demon dean being chained up and taunting sam about how his brother is gone, then hunting sam through the bunker. demon dean in general was VERY fun for me, someone who loves trash

S10 EP9: dean going berserk and killing a bunch of pedophile rapists/child abusers. I’m sorry I know this show is trying to preach morality at me about monsters and unnecessary murder and humanity or whatever but we blew past that like 8 SEASONS AGO. also the mark of cain is sexy

S10 EP14: the rest of this list is really gonna be mark of cain stuff isn’t it look I’m here to have fun. cain and dean’s fight. cain continuously tossing his mane of hair back and taunting dean with the picture of what he’s going to become, who he’s going to kill. dean begging cain to tell him that he can stop, and then ultimately killing him. rip daddy.

S11 EP4: again I have not watched this however. every shot of this episode is PRESTIGE TELEVISION because driving a muscle car is sexy. and especially the shot of dean all beat to hell and begging his car to start and giving her a little kiss from his fingers to her dash. ugh. masculinity.

S12 EP10: the bearded salt-and-pepper daddy look returns, only it’s an angel this time and he’s wearing a vest and shirtsleeves and he swordfights with a hot redheaded lady in a suit and an eyepatch. this show is good sometimes!!! and oh fuck lol I just realized this is the same guy who played krissy’s hot hunter dad in s7 probably the first guy who’s hotter as an angel than a hunter. huh.

S12 EP 11: dean riding larry the mechanical bull to “broomstick cowboy.” I have no idea where this factors into the ep but I have seen. the youtube clip

S13 EP23: from what I can tell s13 is way more emotionally horny than boner horny, although dean burning cas’ body was sexy. but the horniest part was dean saying yes to michael and then michael taking over and saying “thanks for the suit.” we are going to ignore the silliest fight scene in existence as well as the final shot ending on a FREEZE FRAME like a goddamn tiktok

S14: not gonna pick a specific moment because I have not watched yet!!! but michael dean is hot. idk why michael is weirdly hot and I cannot stand any iteration of lucifer on this television programme. it should be the reverse but I’m forever an older sibling stan apparently. someone who is catholic could probably explain this better.

S15 EP13: genevieve padalecki and danneel ackles fight flirting as ruby and anael I CANNOT BELIEVE THEY HELD OUT ON THIS TILL THE LAST SEASON

I know I am missing things but this is already an absolutely incomprehensible screed. I know I’m missing shit from the latter seasons but give me time I’m pacing myself

#reply tag #spn tag #literally no one read this lol this is insane #Anonymous

[teamfreewill2pointo]

Sam’s Emotional Arc 1/3

I hated the finale immediately, but I’ve spent some time with it and talked to friends who loved it. I can see now what it was about, and I’ve come to appreciate the story they were trying to tell, even if I think it didn’t land right.

I’ve been told that my meta on this has helped other people come to terms with the finale, so I thought I’d compile it in one place from across various discord channels and twitter posts. If you are struggling with the finale, I hope it helps you.

Part of this actually started with a shit post. I was making a joke about Sam being psychic since he was scared of clowns when Dean died by one. I realized that may have been deliberate. I dug into the story more and now I’m convinced it was. Then I came across some excellent meta that fit with the themes I was finding and opened up the series even more for me.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it. First, Sam’s journey. 

Clowns pop up in s15 before the barn scene. In 15.01, which was written by Dabb, Sam is injured by a clown. Castiel is able to save Sam and heal his injury. The clown keeps coming after Sam, with Sam having fight scenes with the clown, while others attack the other ghosts. The clown is kicking the shit out of Sam again, and Castiel saves him once more. Sam is unable to fight off the clown on his own both times.

They run until they are able to escape outside a magical barrier. Sam turns to the clown and says, “shut up”. 

This is literally Sam running from his fears. On top of that, this isn’t just any clown, but the ghost of John Wayne Gacy, from an episode also written by Dabb.

Dean: A serial killer clown. I mean, this is, like, the best/worst thing that’s ever happened to you, you know, ‘cause you love serial killers, but – but you hate clowns.

Sam gets nervous and struggles with the lighter before he’s able to get rid of the clown, for now.

I believe this is a metaphor for hunting in general: it’s both the best of Sam’s life and also the worst. The clowns symbolize his relationship with Dean.

Plucky Pennywhistle's Magical Menagerie was co-written by Dabb (see the pattern?). Sam’s fear of clowns was known since season 2. In season 7, Dabb explored where this fear came from.

On the surface, Sam’s fear is just because he found them creepy, but the episode explains that they actually come from Sam’s fear of being left behind by Dean.

This episode comes directly after an episode where Sam worried that Dean would get himself killed

Sam: Look... Dean, the thing is, tonight... It almost got you killed. Now, I don't care how you deal. I really, really don't. But just don't – don't get killed. Dean: I'll do what I can. Sam: Well, what's that supposed to mean? Dean: It means I'll do what I can. All right? You can shut up about it.

Sam is dealing with Hallucifer at this moment, but Hallucifer doesn’t really scare him. Losing Dean does.

Sam has a conversation with an employee about greatest fears.

Recognize the actress? She came back for s15 in 15.06. I don’t believe this was a coincidence. 15.06 featured Castiel helping a parent find their lost child in a season that features Castiel worried about losing Jack. Through his experience with her, Castiel confronts his fears and doubts and then returns to join in the fight against God. [I’ll touch on Castiel’s journey more in his chapter]

Sam’s greatest fear is losing Dean. There’s a lot in the series about how Sam felt lonely and abandoned for much of his childhood. A whole episode, Just My Imagination, centers around this. Sam hated when Dean went off on hunts without him.

source In The Chitters, Sam tells Dean how his fear of losing his family paralyzed him as child. It’s a story where an older brother dies and the younger brother never recovers from it until he’s able to lay him to rest (sound familiar???)

Sam: You know, whenever you and Dad used to leave me to go hunting, and I-and I wouldn’t hear from y’all for a while, I, um, I was always sure that some vamp or rugaru, or take your pick, I always figured one of them finally got ya. I tried to think what to do, you know, the next step to take. I was just lost. Dean: We came back, though, every time.

You might naturally think, “Wait a minute! Sam left Dean multiple times!” Honestly, this was something I had a huge issue with when watching through the show the first time. I didn’t understand Sam and hated him leaving Dean in s8. I was completely on Dean’s side at first. But, on multiple rewatches and talking to others, I’ve realized that when Sam left Dean, he was running from his fear. In this TV Guide interview, Jared perfectly sums up why Sam left in season 1; he couldn’t stand to see his family die. Dabb wrote Dark Side of the Moon along with a comic that explains why Sam left in detail. While the comic isn’t official canon, it shows Dabb’s thought process. In it, Sam sees his family as running towards a horrible end and can’t handle dealing with that.

Dean: So what are you gonna do? You're just gonna live some normal, apple pie life? Is that it? Sam: No. Not normal. Safe.

There are many more points in the series where we learn about Sam’s fear of Dean dying. This would be 3948573945 pages long if I wrote them all out, so I’m going to focus on the key moments that loop back to this ending, but there’s so much more there.

If you are struggling with this and need more, please let me know and I can do a deeper dive into that subject. We first see Sam’s inability to let Dean go in season 1 when Sam refuses to let Dean die in Faith.

Dean: You're not gonna let me die in peace, are you? Sam: I'm not gonna let you die, period. We're going.

Sam’s whole arc in s3 is him being unable to handle Dean dying. He wants to save Dean, but Dean won’t let himself be saved. This was what Gabriel was trying to teach him in Mystery Spot.

Trickster: This obsession to save Dean? The way you two keep sacrificing yourselves for each other? Nothing good comes out of it. Just blood and pain. Dean's your weakness. And the bad guys know it, too. It's gonna be the death of you, Sam. Sometimes you just gotta let people go.

This is how Ruby gets under Sam’s skin and what gets him to start working with her. Everything Sam did was to save Dean. In s4, Sam’s arc is about him sacrificing himself in order to save Dean. He’s gutted from being unable to save Dean. In 4.12, Sam decides to drink demon blood in order to save Dean

Dean: [says that they will die early] Sam: Maybe we'll be different, Dean. Dean: What kind of Kool-Aid you drinking, man? Sammy, it ends bloody or sad. That's just the life. Sam: What if we could win?Dean: "Win"?Sam: If there was a way we could just...put an end to all of it.

When Sam breaks out of the panic room, he’s suicidal. He’s determined to save Dean with his life as the cost he’s willing to pay. He didn’t think he would survive killing Lilith. He was committing suicide in that moment. The reason why Sam is so willing to sacrifice himself in s5 is because he has low self esteem. He blames himself for everything that goes wrong. In Sam, Interrupted 5.11, also by Dabb, Sam has a breakdown under the weight of his guilt. He hates himself and he feels his rage is out of control. In season 6, we see soulless Sam and, unlike souled Sam, he has no rage. Yes, he’ll kill when necessary, but he’s not angry. It was Sam’s fear driving his rage. He felt out of control of his life and let it lead him down a dark path. In season 7, he sees Dean heading down a dark path and he feels helpless to stop it. He worries about dragging Dean down and tells Dean to let him go. But, at the same time, he’s developing coping techniques. He’s starting to face his fears. 

And then Dean disappears and Sam completely falls apart. Sam didn’t have a healthy relationship with Amelia. They were two broken people clinging to each other. Sam and Dean struggle to reconnect after their time apart. There’s a lot of text addressing the horror of a partner dying and people trying to escape from it.

Mrs Holmes: He could see the end of my days were at hand, and... He had lived centuries all alone, but I don't think he could bear the thought of life without me. That's why he drove off that bridge. You must think I'm a monster.

In Hunteri Heroica written by GUESS WHO!?!? Sam finally acknowledges that he was living in a dream world with Amelia. He was running from his past. We see a flash back with Sam pressing on his scar, which he did to help himself distinguish fantasy from reality.

The episode is about a man refusing to engage in reality and harming those around him. Sam has a big confrontation with him

Sam: Look, it can be nice living in a dream world. It can be great. I know that. And you can hide, and you can pretend... all the crap out there doesn't exist, but you can't do it forever because... eventually, whatever it is you're running from – it'll find you. [CASTIEL appears to be taking Sam’s words to heart.] It'll come along, and it'll punch you in the gut. And then... then you got to wake up, because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Likewise, when Sam was with Jessica, he wasn’t honest about himself. He was hiding from his family and his past. Running to avoid pain. Sam is avoidant in general. Not just in his relationship with Dean. When he talks with Rowena in 13.12 Various & Sundry Villains about his fears of Lucifer, he admits that he could talk about it with Dean, but he can’t bring himself to.

Sam: I’ve seen it too. What he really looks like behind – behind whatever vessel. It… Yeah, still keeps me up at night. Rowena: How do you deal with it? Sam: I guess I don’t deal with it. Not really. I mean, I pushed it down and, um, the world kept almost ending, so I keep pushing it down, and I don’t know. [stammering] I really don’t talk about it, not even with Dean. I mean, I could. You know, he’d listen, but… That’s not something I really know how to share.

In 15.20, Sam’s past is front and center. Literally. I know a lot of people found the Winchester family portrait odd and upsetting, but it symbolizes something I’ll get to in a bit. Instead of trying to avoid his grief, Sam has moments where he lets it wash over him. He goes and sits in the car. He’s no longer avoidant. He’s no longer running away. He’s letting his grief move through him. He’s literally sitting with it.

Soulless Puppy pointed out that the characters emotional arcs is similar to DBT. Please look through their awesome meta here.

Personally, I see them as similar to the therapy I do called ACT. Both are forms of therapy where instead of fighting against them, you accept painful emotions and allow yourself to feel them. If you don’t do that work, then you can’t stop feeling them and your fears/ghosts will always haunt you.  In Swan Song, Chuck tells us that “Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.”  In 15.20, Sam initially didn’t want to let Dean go. He’s been refusing to do this since season 1. When he’s separated from Dean he lives a fake life or destroys himself/the world trying to get Dean back. There’s a moment in 15.20 where Sam looks at Dean’s guns. He wants to commit suicide, but he makes the choice to live. For the time in Sam’s life, he let Dean go and lived with his pain. He no longer ran from it. After Swan Song, Dean was unable to let Sam go. He wanted him back. After Carry On, Sam is able to do what Dean couldn’t do. He lives a life outside of Dean. What’s more, Sam has reconciled himself with his past and his family. It’s clumsy and I wish it were better shown, but having the family portrait and their parents in heaven isn’t meant to excuse the way Sam and Dean were raised. In order to move past the trauma of his relationship with his parents, Sam fully integrates them into his life. In Lebanon, Sam was able to confront and forgive his father. In doing so, he can also forgive himself. Mary asks for forgiveness too, and he grants it to her. He doesn’t forget what happened, but he’s able to move forward and leave the intergenerational cycle of violence. He’s able to raise his son, Dean, the way his brother should have been raised.

Happiness isn’t in the having, it’s in just being. It’s in just saying it.

Cas said it. Dean accepted it. Sam lived it.

I can see why people see Sam’s life after Dean as unhappy. I hated it so much because I saw it as horrible and sad the first time through. I had to sit with myself and my emotions first. I think it’s because we’ve been told by society that we have to get rid of our grief in order to be happy. The finale was showing us that it’s possible to do the opposite. [Personally I think it would’ve been better had they showed more overtly happy memories, but many of my friends saw this straight away] When I began therapy, one of the first things I learned was that there aren’t “negative” emotions. When working with our kids, we call them Big emotions. In DBT/ACT, all emotions are treated as normal and natural. Grief, anger, sadness, etc, these are all normal parts of the human existence. We don’t need to run from them in order to have happiness. We can live with them. As interstitial said in our chats, “you can't change the past, you can only change your relationship to it. To accept that your past contained both love and heartache, to miss it, but also know you can do better; that's actual recovery, as good as it gets.” As Soulless-Puppy explained to me, Sam lived in duality. Dean was dead, but Sam lived. Sam was happy, but he grieved. Dean was with him in the watch and the car and his son, but Dean also waited for him in heaven. I hated the finale the first time I saw it, then next watched it with my boyfriend who loved it. As we were watching together and discussing it, I realized that Dean’s death scene wasn’t just about him, but about the show itself. 

Dean promising Sam that he will be with Sam in Sam’s heart is also the show promising us that they will never leave it. That’s why Alex kept posting “The end has no end.” Just as Sam carried Dean with him in his heart, we will carry the show with us. I hope this helps. It’s a terrible thing to feel upset about an ending and thinking of the show this way, recognizing these patterns, is bringing me peace. I still have issues with how it was written, but now that I see what they were doing, I wish all the more that they had the chance to do it right. Please share your thoughts and experiences. I love hearing different opinions. Next up, Dean. Then Castiel.

#supernatural #spn #spnfamily #spn family #spn 15.20 #spn s15 #spn s15 spoilers #carry on #spn finale #sam winchester #dean winchester #jared padalecki #jensen ackles #brotherlylove #sam&dean #brothers man #my meta #meta #spnmeta #spn meta #long post #spn fandom #spnfandom #sam winchester analysis

[castielific]

DESTIEL FICS:

CANON COMPLIANT:

- The Likes of You (7 220 words, PG-13, human!Cas, jealous!Dean, pining):   Dean accidentally tells Cas he likes him.

- Grace my Soul (36 623 words, Explicit, coda 9x06, kidfic, angst):  Castiel has been gone for sixteen months when a baby appears in the backseat of the impala.

- The list (3 981 words, PG-13, S15, Human!Cas, Domestic fluff, first kiss):  Once there are no more monsters, the only thing left to fight for is happiness.

- The scars of our story (1 478 words, PG-13, Canon divergence, Human!Cas, domestic fluff, amnesiac Dean) "You never told me how you got those," Dean says, cheek resting on the back of Castiel's shoulder as he looks down at the scars between his omoplates. (...) Cas doesn't answer right away, he's fighting not to tense up as Dean touches the scars again. He can feel the ghost of his wings fluttering, trying to chase away the tingling fingers.

- What remains of us (5 721 words, AU: alternate ending, post 15x19, Memory Loss) His heart aches every time he sees a black car, a hamburger, pie, guns, plaid, a certain shade of green, old books, and so many other mundane things. Sometimes he thinks that he's come to associate the Winchesters with everything that exists. It seems that he can't escape their memory. (...) Especially when there are only a few feet away, like right now. Can be read as a prequel to "The scars of our story" or as a Stand Alone

- Idiots in love (6 625 words, Alternate ending, human!Cas, gay panic) "So, no God, no wings, no imminent apocalypse, what are your plans now?" Dean tries to make the question sound casual by taking a gulp of his beer. "I want to have sex with a man," Cas declares, nibbling at a red vine cherry twist. He barely reacts to Dean spitting his beer all over the table and choking on his sip. (..) Cas tilts his head and adds, "I may need your help with that."

- Of posters and elevators (4 218 words, Explicit, PWP, AU star!Castiel, fan!Dean Dean gets stuck in an elevator with his celebrity crush, Castiel Novak.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE:

- Out of Heaven (49 728 words,T, High-school AU) : Dean gapes for a long moment, taken aback. Who could blame him when the weird kid that sits behind him in History class, and whom he’s shared maybe two words with in the entirety of his existence asks him to have sex? 

- Fancy and the Tramp (48 019 words, Explicit, AU homeless!Dean, rich!Cas, pretend relationship): (tumblr link) "Okay, let's be clear on one thing from the start. This is not a lifetime movie and I'm straight, so no falling in love, get it?" 

- The Guy Next Door (61 591 words, Explicit, AU: Neighbors, SingleDad!Cas, DeanSmith, TheEnd!Cas, Kid!fic): When Dean Smith quit his job at Sandover, he had no idea what he was going to do with his life. He definitely didn't plan for his hippie neighbor and his four years old kid to make him question everything he thought he knew about himself. The neighbors to friends to lovers fic you never asked for, along with some cute baby!Jack

- Unknown Lullabies (22 497 words, Explicit, Existential Crisis) This is the story of how Jimmy Novak realizes that the right path isn't always the one people try to keep you on. The path Jimmy ends up chosing isn't any easier, but it's all his own. It's the one that leads to Jimmy becoming Castiel, to a blue house with a colorful garden, to a little boy with a terrible fashion sense, and to a green eyed asshole who's going to break Cas' heart a few times before he finally accept it. Prequel to "The Guy Next Door"

- No escape (26 165 words, Explicit, AU: Office, Hate to Love) The world is on lockdown and Dean hates his new boss almost as much as teleworking. One day, he forgets to cut his videofeed after a meeting with Mr. Novak. The story of how Sam gives an erroneous tip that causes a giant mess.

- Like clipped petunias (27 931 words, Explicit, Dark!story, prisoner/slave!Dean, coercion) At thirty-two years old, Dean is homeless, lonely and a drunk. He truly believes his life can't get any worse until he's kidnapped by a psychopathic cowboy and offered to his son for his birthday. Castiel is nothing like his violent father though, and Dean starts to wonder if life really is worse at his side than it was when he used to be alone in the streets.

STEREK FICS:

CANON COMPLIANT:

- Baby one more time (14 694 words, PG-13, De-aged!Stiles, humor):  Stiles is turned into a three years old. The Sheriff forces Derek to "babysit". Neither Stiles nor Derek are happy about that, but it could be worse. Maybe. Well, the jury is still out on that one. 

- Carry you Home (18 285 words, PG-13, angst, depressed!Derek):  "Derek lets himself fall on his back, breath short, heart beating fast. He can feel the Wolf in him, purring in satisfaction and contentment. Asking for more. It wants him to turn and touch, to never stop touching. Instead, Derek squeezes his hands into fists and closes his eyes, trying to push it back, this need, this instinct screaming for his mate. For Stiles."

- But she’s the Devil in disguise (3 334 words, PG-13, Jealous!Stiles): “Derek’s girlfriend is not eating babies, Stiles,” Scott reprimands.

- Wind me up and watch me go (1 625 words, PG-13, wet!Stiles, humor): When Derek declared his intentions to renovate the Hale house, no one was more enthusiastic and willing to help than Stiles. Derek knew right away that Stiles on a construction site could only end in a disaster…and probably a trip to the hospital.He wasn’t exactly wrong, although there is less blood and mayhem that he would have thought in the end.

ALTERNATE UNIVERSE

- After You (60 900 words, PG-13, hunter!Stiles): When Derek Hale - one of the only survivors of the family responsible for his mother’s death - comes back to Beacon Hills, Stiles decides to avenge his mom's death and prove to Chris Argent that he has what it takes to become a great hunter. He just wishes that there was a Wikipedia article on how to catch a werewolf. Or how Stiles fails at being a hunter and may have a massive crush on his prey.

- Frozen Inside (18 906 words, Mature, WIP, wolf!Derek): Orphan and homeless, Stiles finds himself with nothing to look forward to but a life with a beast that seems to think he's its mate.

#myfics #destiel fic #deancas fic #destiel #deancas #dean/cas #sterek #sterek fic #ao3 link #destiel ao3 #sterek ao3 #spn fic #teen wolf fic #derek/stiles #castielific #castielificfic

[fuckspn]

you know what actually i don’t blame teenage me for thinking season 8 was building to canon destiel, because even rewatching it now 8 years later, season 8 still absolutely seems like it’s building to canon destiel. every time the two of them appear together or are even mentioned together everything else in the narrative grinds to a halt in favor of expounding upon the depth of their feelings for each other, and it builds in intensity over the course of the season. i mean, the first half of the season has purgatory and the second half has thee crypt scene, naomi’s speech to dean about how she wishes cas felt the same way as him, the two of them fighting because, essentially, dean is hurt that cas left him again, and the season finale which drags dean away from sam and the main plot so he and cas can kiss and make up in a bar while 5 feet away a cupid causes a masculine guy who had previously been assumed to be straight to fall in love with another man. and not only that, but it’s such a contrast to the relatively light and jokey homoerotic undertones of their relationship in previous seasons that it comes across even more like the writers were actually telling a love story that they planned to bring to fruition in season 9. i didn’t fucking get queerbaited, i didn’t fall for some clever prank, i read the writing on the wall and just didn’t realize it was placed there by monkeys on infinite typewriters rather than deliberate storytelling choices.

like, it’s hard to remember here in this post-s15 world, but season 8 destiel was new. as much as i enjoy their relationship in seasons 4-7, i’ll freely admit a lot of the subtext is garden variety unintended homoeroticism produced when a show full of men with good cheekbones goes too hard with the misogyny and fails to come up with any female characters compelling enough to ship the male leads with. season 8 was the first time we really got a taste of the “we are actively and deliberately going to write dean and cas like a couple but fuck you if you notice it” flavor of destiel—of course we didn’t know yet that the fuck-you was coming! we didn’t have the context of seasons 9-15 to warn us that the ramping up of the romantic subtext didn’t mean anything! the first time lucy held the football for charlie brown he had no way of knowing that she was going to yank it away!

#fool me once shame on you fool me twice how dare you take advantage of my innocent and trusting nature #in a just world where supernatural had good storytelling the human!cas subplot in s9 WOULD have led to him and dean hooking up #not necessarily staying together (cas becoming an angel again would have def led to a breakup) #(and from there a will-they-or-won't-they-get-back-together dynamic that would probably last several more seasons #before they got back together for real and for good) #but that would be the moment that brought the subtext into text

[dotthings]

The original concept info coming out of Misha’s M&G is even worse than the disasterfinale we got on screen. Which I am now pushed into having to accept more than I did simply because the pre-covid version hurt even worse. 

Having Dean see Jimmy Novak in heaven and not Cas is outright cruel. To Dean, to Cas’s story -- so what was the original Cas plan, just leave him vanished? He becomes incorporeal? Dean would never have seen him again? At least in the disasterfinale we got we are left with implication that they can be together in heaven.

And doing the big all-family reunion in heaven scene at Harvelles Roadhouse yet they never approached Sam Ferris or Chad Lindberg. Harvelles without Harvelles, pre-covid or covid.

Enough’s enough. 

It’s not covid regulation adjustments that are to blame.

There may be corporate fuckery, I do strongly smell it on the air, but there were so many things in the disasterfinale that could have been fixed so easily without explicit reciprocated Destiel, without erasing Eileen, without cutting off Cas this severely.

Reading M&G reports I read about Misha saying that if Cas had been planned to be there of course he would have hugged Sam and Dean on the bridge, and Misha saying how sad he feels about not getting to be there last day with his friends. This show he and his character have been so crucial on for 12 seasons.  

I was already gutted and it just keeps getting more gutting. 

This on top of how I am still hurting at how Dean’s characterization was handled.

There were too many good things in S15 for me to just go oh wow it all sucks now. It doesn’t. My metas were right. Lots of people’s metas were right. 

Also the writing team deserved better. I don’t like Bucklemming scripts but everyone else turned out winning ep after winning ep for me and made this joy. They built the arcing. They wrote the lines, they told me a story week to week.

Something went horribly wrong at the end, in an episode they are not responsible for.

I’ve defended Dabb, and I can’t say for sure what happened, but there is only so much I can take. Dabb & Singer are the top showrunners. And when external factors interfere with a creative plan, it’s showrunners’ jobs to adapt and think around the problem and find a way to make it workable, and there are plenty of tv shows where this leads to some wonderful creative solutions that pushed the story higher. They didn’t manage to do this for the script as aired, and the original concept for it pre-covid hurts even worse. Could there be corporate fuckery? Sure. But corporate fuckery doesn’t explain all the issues any more than covid regulations do.

I was bullied for several seasons just for loving the story, just for not turning on Dabb, but unlike the kinds of people who act like that, I’m capable of admitting I was wrong, and I think I misjudged something here. I misjudged how Dabb sees the show overall and the characters. While the writing team are the ones far more in line with my sensibility. The day-to-day week-to-week scripting. 

There is a list of things Bobo especially advocated for that has been screwed over on: Wayward Sisters (confirmed as network and parent company at fault) Destiel Eileen Leahy Dean as a multifaceted character

The S15 story made sense until the very end. So I’m standing by the writers still and standing on my own metas but I’ve otherwise hit my limit. 

I hope something does emerge eventually to make sense of it and maybe I won’t always feel like this.

#The15YearShow

[norahastuff]

idk how the credit/blame breaks down between any party for that disaster ending, (Dabb? Kripke? CW?), but I can't help but feel this would have played out a lot better if spn was on SYFY instead of The CW. particularly in the queer & found family departments. (see: Farscape, Wynnona, Vagrant Queen...)

(SYFY anon cont.) Killjoys!! can't forget. if spn had finished with half the spirit of Killjoys I'd have been a happy camper. and these shows are current contemporaries. so I guess I wanna blame the network a lot here. I really trusted Dabb.

I mean my issue isn’t with how explicit Dean and Cas’ romantic arc was or wasn’t. After this finale, that’s way way down the list of complaints I have. The thing is, the show didn’t even make it a thing. The argument about what the relationship between the two of them is doesn’t come up because Cas’ importance to the story in any capacity is essentially erased. 

I really don’t see how any of this has anything to do with network meddling, it’s the story itself that’s the issue. And this co-dependent, regressed brothers only ending is the story Dabb chose to tell.

I said this earlier in another post, but I don’t think the reason that Cas not meeting Dean at any point after he got to heaven was because of any “no-homo” or “not wanting to address the confession” reasons. There were a million different ways to leave Dean’s side ambiguous if they wanted to (and Spn should know - it’s been doing just that for years.) 

No the reason I don’t think we got a Dean/Cas reunion (even according to the rumours I’m hearing of Cas’ appearance that was cut, Misha was only supposed to appear in a cameo, not a real character moment) was because, we know how important Cas is to Dean. We’ve watched their relationship grow. Over the past few seasons, and especially s15, they’ve repeatedly emphasised how big a role he plays in Dean’s life and how much Dean cares about him. If he had appeared and had any real interaction with Dean, that would have been immediately clear, as it is in practically any moment that these two share.

The problem is, seemingly out of nowhere, the finale seemed to want to end on the thesis statement that Sam and Dean only care about each other. That these other characters that have become such an important part of their lives, don’t matter at all and barely register as a blip on their radar. All that matters is each other. Not even their own individual arcs. Any and all progress that had been made towards independence and self actualisation...none of it matters anymore, because everything is just about Sam and Dean. 

You can see that with Sam’s attitude towards Eileen/other unidentified brunette woman, too. She doesn’t matter, his son barely matters, it’s all about getting back to Dean. 

None of that has anything to do with network notes. That’s just the story they chose to tell. It’s the complete antithesis of the story they’ve been telling for at least the last few years, so honestly, I too am very confused as to why they decided to take this left turn right at the end. If you were adamant that this is the way you wanted your story to end, then why not build to it? I still wouldn’t have liked it but at least it would have made sense then.

As for Kripke, I really don’t think he had much input into this. Sure he can give his opinion but that’s as far as it goes. He’s not the showrunner, Dabb is. And I’ve seen people blaming Singer, but Singer did not write the story. Dabb did. I would understand people blaming Singer or the network if you felt there was something left out that shouldn’t have been or something like that, and if you thought one of them was responsible for that,  but the way I see it, the problem is with the entire story.

The message of the story. The way that story was crafted. It was crafted around the idea that Sam and Dean don’t love anything but each other. They haven’t grown or learned anything, and the only thing that lasts forever is this toxic codependency. The very codependency that Carver spent all those torturous seasons trying to highlight the dangers of. The same co-dependency that Dabb spent 3/4 seasons emphasising wasn’t enough to sustain them anymore. They needed more.

Only for none of that to wind up mattering in the end.

So unless someone can give me a reason otherwise, I do think credit/blame (depending on how you feel I guess) lies with Dabb. He’s the one who wrote the story. But I get it, I really didn’t expect this from him. Not even a little bit.

#asks #15x20 #what makes a story work? #my spn thoughts #negativity for ts #Anonymous

[roublardise]

9 and 15 for the sapphicnatural ask 😊💕💕

thank you!!! 🥰

9. post or link me your favourite spn femslash creation made by you

oooh god.... i got this question waiting in other asks so i'll be able to give multiple answers. for now i will be talking about my Anael X Bela amv!

it's one of my first amvs and i'm just so happy with how it turned out 🥺 it's quite simple but very sweet, i'm quite proud of making content for a rarepair, first of all. but also how i managed to make it work with two characters who do not interact in canon, it's not even the same aesthetic! i wasn't working with hd yet so it's a bit frustrating to rewatch, however that's when i tried out putting voiceovers, and i love the typos i did :) also swiftnatural 💕

i truly LOVE the idea of these two together. i think demon Bela should have had Ruby's place in s15!! the plot is literally about some artefact??? hello.... why the fuck bring back Ruby when Bela is right there!! knowing about artefacts was her job! she was great at it! they already ruined the opportunity by having that guy cas hates instead, how hard was it to have Bela for one little episode. that's part of why i can't get behind Anael X Ruby even tho the canon gives us some compelling scenes, all i think about is how Ruby 1.0 was a better actress it should have been BELA!! yes Anael could have two hands but no not in this case.

15. female character that definitely deserved better?

which all.... lead to my answer to this question......... i will say Bela Talbot. she deserved to at least come back as a demon!! her dynamic with Dean was super interesting, they were the same but dealing with their traumas differently. i'm obsessed with what it says about Dean's own childhood that he's paralleled with the girl who was sexually abused and made a deal to kill both her parents.....

i WISH they were able to explore that more, especially as rn it's just blaming Bela for her choice - a choice she made at 14yo! they never question why a 14yo would make a deal, like the way she's treated is so unfair. she could have died bc they didn't have time/a way to save her, but not bc they just refused to do so? bc they thought it was legitimate for her to die??? hello what.

wish we had more of her lesbian coding bc imlo (in my lesbian opinion) when she tells Dean they should have "angry sex" this is lesbian behavior. also what happened to her cat i need answers 🔪

sapphicnatural ask

#ask game #sapphicnatural #bela talbot #thank you for the ask again 💕

[janiedean]

I’m not in the spn fandom, but I’ve seen some people say it’s homophobic while others are saying that destiel is canon. What’s that about?

oh boy where do I start

so

I’ll try to make it brief but you’ve gotta keep this stuff in mind:

this show went on... at least six years longer than it should have like post s8 it was obvious they were trying to cobble ideas together to air something and by s12 it jumped the shark to a level where it was just ridiculous, so basically everything that’s happened since more or less around then was filler to keep the breathing machine on until the cw laid it to rest

the whole deancas thing came out in a context where... right guys i’ve been there since SEASON THREE WAS AIRING I REMEMBER SHIT so let me tell you that basically until cas was introduced the only fandom ships with a traction were pretty much different declinations of win/cest with the j2 rpf stuff taking like... 99% and 99% of fps and rpf respectively because there was literally no other main and like... not everyone was gonna be into sibling/parental incest or rpf obviously but anyway when castiel showed up basically deancas was the only other m/m ship that actually wasn’t incest floating around and it went big very very soon

now, they had planned to keep cas around as a guest for like some ten eps and then he should have been replaced with another angel character who basically was a human woman who realized she actually was a fallen angel and cas should have died in like s4 ep 10 and anna (the other char) should have been dean’s guide into stopping the apocalypse except that the writers realized castiel was very well-received and the ratings spiked up so they went like QUICK QUICK SWITCH didn’t kill him off and basically gave him the part anna was supposed to have

now now, dean and anna fucked in part two of her two-parter introduction arc lmao or was it even part one but anyway she was supposed to be a love interest and they thought S5 would have been the last so you do your math

then: they’re at S15 and obviously they didn’t go there but

spn fandom also is like... toxicity™ incarnated like before voltron and su there was spn fandom, all the sides were terrible, the side that harassed the actors was worse and like.... sadly a bunch of exclusively j2 people who did harass the actors were also preminent winc/esters and put money into cons and there was a whole circus I can’t even begin getting into but like basically the least dramatic thing that could happen was that the cw would release pictures of dean and cas on their own for promotional reasons and the smm would get a bunch of verbal abuse tweets BECAUSE WHERE IS SAM YOU LOST THE SPIRIT OF THE SHOW

also there were campaigns to fire misha which almost worked for s7 then they saw the ratings dropped when he left and QUICK QUICK LET’S RESUSCITATE HIM lmao

also jensen always was like nah dean’s straight I act like they’re friends but he’s also the guy whose wife got continuously harassed by people who thought she was a cover for his secret rship with jared and so on and like he obviously thinks all shippers are out of control and honestly I can’t even blame him for it since from what I gather some ppl started trailing his kids after school I DON’T KNOW but that’s that

on the other side misha never made a mystery that he played it like cas was in love with dean like he said it at cons pretty much and like..... regardless of everything if there’s one thing misha collins wouldn’t do is milking it for clout bc honestly the guy is a solid ally and has a bi wife/used to be in a poly rship and always put his money where his mouth was re lgbt support so there’s that too

now... back in 2011 and s8 where there was a scene that was the exact EXACT same shit that happened when they canonized my marvel comics #1 ship (like srsly except the marvel ship kissed at the end of that scene) I went like ‘okay they know the undertones they’re obviously marching on it but seeing how this show is and how the fanbase is if it ever goes canon either it’s one sided or it ends with sam becoming a research guru and dean and cas drive off in the sunset hunting monsters without actually saying it out loud’ and it would have been like... soft-not-quite-there canonization but regardless I also said if that ever happens it’s gonna be in the last fifteen minutes of the finale because they don’t want the fandom drama to actually hit them in the face and how to put it, the writing has been a joke for seasons but I can’t even...... blame them for it bc honestly I was tired of fandom drama in S7 imagine working on that since 2005

so like I’m 100% not surprised that whatever’s going down is going down when it’s three episodes from the end actually I’m surprised it didn’t happen in the last ten minutes

now: if cas tells dean openly that he loves him and the context is that he got a curse that sends him to hell if he loves someone (idk I didn’t check the specifics BUT) then it is at least one-sided canon black on white and you can’t say they didn’t make it canon

if he goes to hell and he stays there and that’s it... that’s homophobic and bad and they could have just queerbaited their way through it

except that in this dumb show everyone went to hell twice and came back and cas was introduced as having saved dean from it bodily, so like... if this was a well-written show and they weren’t cowards they’d have dean doing the same for him and realizing he reciprocates getting over his 30+ years of emotional constipation and in that case... wouldn’t be qb

now I’m not betting money on that but they also did this... three eps before the end which sets them up to do it actually so I DON’T KNOW but before deciding it’s homophobic as a whole I’d see how it plays out also bc again this was nEVER gonna happen before the end but the fact that the end kept on being pushed and it wasn’t like... nine seasons but fifteen just made it look ridiculous and like it took them years to get there when if they had been axed in S10 when it would have been merciful.... maybe it wouldn’t have been

so like... either way I wanna see how it plays out but as stated, called in 2011 it could have gone like this the moment we got in the final stretch :)))

anyway: it’s confirmed canon on one side so it’s canon imvho

/shrug

#welcome to my ted talk #otp: don't ever change #i mean.... dkjgkjds #also fun fact: jensen ackles owns my s8 dvds lmao #THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DEANCAS BEING CANON BUT #Anonymous #ask post

[mittensmorgul]

current rewatch is mid s14, and this morning I watched Lebanon, 14.13. And I have some thoughts. Probably thoughts I’ve already had, but they hit different now...

Dean smashed that pearl, and I really do think that he got his stated wish-- Michael out of his head. After all, none of the last 14 years ever happened, post wish, and the door to the alternate universe was never opened, Michael never came through... none of it. It’s like their entire history was rewritten.

And we know Chuck was the writer all along. But we also know how Chuck used free will and choice to manipulate them their entire lives. It was always their choices, only none of their choices were GOOD, you know? He laid down the game, set them on the board, and controlled and limited their choices at every turn.

Just like the false choice Dean was presented with in every repeat of the loop in Rocky’s bar in 14.10-- every day when the realtor came in asking Dean to sell the bar, forcing him to choose to stay there, unwittingly trapped in that loop by Michael. “Living the dream.” What if he HAD chosen to sell? What if Michael’s little bubble of a world in his head broke down, and Dean stopped participating in the charade? Would the entire illusion have shattered? Would Michael have had to step in and reinforce the illusion in some way? Because as long as Dean kept “choosing” to refuse to sell the bar, he was choosing to stay in the illusion, in the false reality trapped in that loop in his own mind.

The pearl wish was effectively no different, just on a much larger scale.

He chose to make the wish, and the pearl delivered it. Michael was gone from his head, at least for a little while. The world fundamentally changed, and even Chuck’s story going back to the beginning of the series had to change with it. The narrative of the entire series was erased, including Chuck’s involvement in all of it. Which seems... impossible, to erase the will of God when he has literally been writing their story from the start.

Why would bringing John from the past have stopped the angels from manipulating events to bring about the apocalypse? It wasn’t JOHN they needed to break seals, it was DEAN. Why would the demons have simply left Sam at Stanford to complete his law degree? Why would they have allowed Dean to get out of sacrificing himself, just because John wasn’t there to sacrifice himself first?

We know the angels (and demons) had been playing a very long con to start the apocalypse, since long before Sam was born (remember Azazel at the convent in 1972, in 4.22? so do I). And all of that preparation-- everything that had happened before 2003-- still happened, before the pearl wish brought John to 2019. Cupids still worked their asses off to unite John and Mary so that Sam and Dean could be born, to fulfill eons of prophecy that they would be the true vessels to Michael and Lucifer to bring about the apocalypse as God willed it.

Do they mean to suggest that after all of that-- the entire history of the universe that had been leading to this, and everything in Chuck’s story-- that just moving John out of his timeline three years before the big showdown was scheduled to begin would leave all of Heaven and Hell shrugging like it hadn’t been their sole mission for years to set this up for the apocalypse?

That’s asinine, honestly.

I don’t think-- any more than Dean “choosing” not to sell Rocky’s bar was-- that the pearl wish was ever actually a “choice.” Because Chuck would’ve never tolerated any of it. He would not have allowed that choice to stand. He had too big of a story to tell.

Which is incredible to me now, because if that was the case, and even that pearl wish was a false choice-- one Sam and especially Dean could never allow to stand for their own reasons-- then the finale makes no possible sense unless viewed the exact same way. Everything that happened after Jack took Chuck’s power was still a function of Chuck’s hand in the narrative, just like the pearl, just like Rocky’s bar. Choosing to renew their commitment to playing the game, over and over again. And that’s just so depressing to me.

I still think this is the most important exchange in the entire episode:

Sam: Once we send Dad back... it's like none of this ever happened. He -- He just goes back to -- to... to being Dad. Dean: You saying you wish things would be different? Sam: Don't you? Can you imagine -- Dad in the past, knowing then what he knows now? I... I think it would be nice. Dean: Yeah. I used to think that, too. But, uh... I mean, look, we've been through some tough times. There's no denying that. And for the longest time, I blamed Dad. I mean, hell, I blamed Mom, too, you know? I was angry. But say we could send Dad back knowing everything. Why stop there? Why not send him even further back and let some other poor sons of bitches save the world? But here's the problem. Who does that make us? Would we be better off? Well, maybe. But I got to be honest -- I don't know who that Dean Winchester is. And I'm good with who I am. I'm good with who you are. 'Cause our lives -- they're ours. And maybe I'm just too damn old to want to change that.

Because yes, this is awesome! This is Dean finally accepting who he is, both because of the life he’s led AND despite it! He’s made his peace with himself, built a family of choice around him (in direct defiance of the “wife and kids” life John would’ve chosen for him and that he thought he wanted for years to please his father), and he’s happy with it, and with himself and the people he loves.

Only this is functionally no different than him refusing to sign the bill of sale on Rocky’s bar. This is Dean recommitting to his role in Chuck’s story. And at the same time he believes in this moment that this is him choosing his own life, really what he’s choosing is to return to the role in the story that Chuck had cast for him. And isn’t that horrifying? Does this not explain WHY he was so absolutely broken by everything that would come after, and especially by the revelation that he’d never really had a real choice in his life?

Chuck would go on to kill Mary, manipulate him into trying to kill Jack, leading to the breakdown of his relationship with Cas, and his own feelings of purposelessness that would drive the entire plot of s15. And then at the end, instead of being allowed to explore this new world of free will, for Cas to have been brought back one last time in defiance of the story Chuck had always intended for him, too, Dean succumbs completely to “destiny” and “fate” and had “no other choice” but to fulfill Chuck’s narrative at last. And I will never, ever be over that.

So my advice is to take 15.20 and crush it like Sam crushed the pearl. Because it’s just the culmination of Chuck’s false choices, and the antithesis of freedom from the narrative they should’ve had in the aftermath.

#spn 14.13 #spn 14.10 #spn 15.20 #that's what free will is #or isn't in this case... #chuck's process #spiders georg of the tnt loop

[incarnateirony]

So I know I’ve been beating on the same set of pots and pans about our S15 arrangement, but since some people missed it and I haven’t had time to even THINK about Supernatural beyond a few gif gallery reblogs for a while, let’s remember.

- The entire season is framing Castiel’s importance, even in absence as much as presence. Be that absence in the AUs the boys go dark, Becky pointing out Chuck’s failure to acknowledge him, Sam holding his fate in his hands, Dean’s desperation to recover him, and whatever else.

- The entire season is pointing out the inevitability of Castiel’s demise. Not even from like one angle but two or three. And literally when someone is fated to die that hard, it’s not just a Bury And Be Done. It’s either to subvert by letting them live, or to turn their death into a new kind of birth-- such as Rowena, who had a scripted fate, but turned it into a reformation of hell and convened *specifically* with Castiel about this. Watch who is watching who, who is thinking about what.

- The last few seasons have been teaching us how to let go and move on in a healthy way. Be it Castiel counseling young Jack in lifespan of humans, to acknowledging Mary managed to finally end up happy with John in heaven (whether or not fandom likes or agrees with that). 

- These same morals also pass on to “growing up”. “I saw you, back there, you’re ready for this.” While they predate John and Mary in S14 talking to their boys (Swan Song, “Now you’re a grown--overgrown, man--” “I’ve got him.”) they echo again loudly. “Now you’re a grown man, and I am incredibly proud of you.”/ “Go, mom. Be happy.” -- keep a tack in this.

- Circling back to Castiel and absence, let’s remember the question--who takes over in absence of Chuck? “Jack?” Big Nah energy. But WhOoOoOoo. Well, would that even be a good ending? The next step in fathers casting burdens entirely on their children? 

- Dean and bars is an eternal connection. Be that the Roadhouse (or the 15.4 shoutout), initially enjoying Ash’s bar in DSOTM before calling it “like the Matrix” (with Bobo openly appreciating Baudrillard’s work in that dialogue we had to discuss “handfuls of ideas” despite preferring DeLillo’s actual writing style), Nihilism’s Headbar, or Lee’s bar of dreams, strapped in phrasing right back to Nihilism.  But Dean is also heavily attached to Death, and other elements haunting us this season.

-  “Brother” has always been a theme to SPN, but the evocation of it as punctuation is new to this season. “We lost. Brother.” “See you on the other side. Brother.” -- this last one haunts me as Dean has said this line before, twice actually--once in sarcastic irony about the rift in 12.23 looking ready to accept death, and once saying goodbye to Jo shortly before Swansong. Just, minus the brother both times. This was an episode Jensen directed and he called specifically for Benny to come in and take part as a fan favorite. But the “Brother” punctuation on an old classic line is worth noting. And we all know Jensen and his trolling spoilers. Roadhouse bar commentary be damned.

So anyway, Castiel will have one final, permanent death. But Death is not the end, but a cage of fear Chuck keeps humans in, lest they be divided from others in death in their prisons. It would take the system being entirely reborn, as if by Rowena, or in the womb instead of an angel -- to change it entirely.

It would be redemption for what Castiel blames himself for. Chuck doesn’t account for what Castiel can do, would do, might do, he just ignores him. And he who has the souls is god, so if Chuck is unplugged, what then is he?

Given Rowena seems to be stuck to hell (missing carnal pleasures, etc), and Castiel would then to heaven. But let’s say-- hm, Sam leads a revolution inside heaven while, say, Dean pleads with Cas in the empty to come back and becomes a singularity of rebirth from inside heaven, at the crux of humanity (DSOTM, and 15.13 both on “The Garden” and “God’s throne”). Jack can bring any of them back.

But Cas.

Sooo here’s the thing, do Sam and Dean go back to their side?

Sam has Eileen waiting for him. The burden of heaven, in this spec, is not put on Jack, but instead a new generation for a better world. But someone has to raise him. “I saw you. You’re a grown, overgrown man--and I’m incredibly proud of you. You’re ready for this.” “You loved me, fought for me, that’s enough. I’ve got him. Go, be happy.” 

“See you on the other side, brother.”

Seriously. I’m not even writing this as a wishlist, I’m seeing it ending here. The exact scale of human vs divine (eg if any of them permanently take over for Chuck, Death, Amara, etc or they find a new balance driven by man) I’m out on, even if I’ve been speculating the trading of Death’s Ring in other posts, and been rambling on about the Union By Which Life Exists-- which on a DeanCas level I see as incredibly important and has already been smacked twice this season. But. The above, like-- I’d literally put down bets on at this point. 

Maybe not the dialogue verbatim, but the essence and spirit of it. 

...Given the last line... pretty sure.

Can we start placing wagers while we go nuts from covid hellatus?

#supernatural #spn #meta #my meta

[raesreadingcorner]

Carry On (SPN 15x20 Fix-it Fanfiction)

Word count: 4.3k Warnings: None, maybe spelling editing mistakes (Only fluff and happiness is allowed at this point in time)

Author’s note: So I haven’t written fanfiction in ages, I blame it on my CW degree and not wanting to spend even more time writing but after that absolute f*cktard disaster of a finale, I knew I had to do something about it. I hope you enjoy my version of how I wished the show would have ended (this is no hate to the acotrs who did a spectacular job and being served what they were given but a huge f u the the SPN writers for queerbaiting us for so long and in the end not giving the fans a satisfying ending (Like there were so many plotholes, what happened to the empty, are Jodie and the girls okay? If Bobby said Cas helped Jack fix heaven does that mean Cas is alive but hasn’t come to see Dean (That would be bullshit and we all know it). 

Let me know your thoughts on the ending or S15 in general, what were some of your favourite moments (*cough* Cas’ confession and only that, also Jack becoming God *cough*) Peace out, Bitches!

Rae

The‌ ‌days‌ ‌began‌ ‌to‌ ‌blend‌ ‌into‌ ‌one‌ ‌without‌ ‌Chuck‌ ‌there‌ ‌to‌ ‌control‌ ‌them.‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌had‌ ‌saved‌ ‌them,‌ ‌all‌ ‌the‌ ‌people‌ ‌that‌ ‌had‌ ‌vanished.‌ ‌Their‌ ‌family,‌ ‌friends,‌ ‌everything‌ ‌was‌ ‌going‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌way‌ ‌it‌ ‌was‌ ‌again.‌ ‌And‌ ‌then‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌did‌ ‌the‌ ‌unspeakable‌ ‌and‌ ‌left‌ ‌himself,‌ ‌promising‌ ‌the‌ ‌brothers‌ ‌of‌ ‌a‌ ‌better‌ ‌world.‌ ‌But‌ ‌all‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌could‌ ‌think‌ ‌about‌ ‌was‌ ‌‌him‌.‌ ‌ ‌‌

Cas.‌ ‌ ‌‌

That‌ ‌goddamn‌ ‌angel.‌ ‌The‌ ‌hunter‌ ‌cursed‌ ‌himself‌ ‌with‌ ‌every‌ ‌waking‌ ‌moment‌ ‌for‌ ‌not‌ ‌begging‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌to‌ ‌bring‌ ‌him‌ ‌back,‌ ‌to‌ ‌at‌ ‌least‌ ‌try.‌ ‌He‌ ‌knew‌ ‌he‌ ‌was‌ ‌hard‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌kid‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌past,‌ ‌and‌ ‌had‌ ‌always‌ ‌brushed‌ ‌him‌ ‌aside,‌ ‌but‌ ‌he‌ ‌truly‌ ‌wished‌ ‌he‌ ‌had‌ ‌asked‌ ‌for‌ ‌even‌ ‌a‌ ‌hope‌ ‌of‌ ‌that‌ ‌miracle.‌ ‌‌

As‌ ‌if‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌were‌ ‌spoken‌ ‌out‌ ‌loud,‌ ‌the‌ ‌shaggy‌ ‌dog‌ ‌that‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌had‌ ‌picked‌ ‌up‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌gas‌ ‌station‌ ‌padded‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌room‌ ‌making‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌smile‌ ‌slightly.‌ ‌At‌ ‌least‌ ‌all‌ ‌things‌ ‌weren’t‌ ‌horrible.‌ ‌Patting‌ ‌the‌ ‌empty‌ ‌space‌ ‌beside‌ ‌him‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌bed,‌ ‌the‌ ‌dog‌ ‌trotted‌ ‌over‌ ‌before‌ ‌jumping‌ ‌up‌ ‌into‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌waiting‌ ‌arms,‌ ‌receiving‌ ‌all‌ ‌the‌ ‌pets‌ ‌and‌ ‌scratches‌ ‌he‌ ‌could‌ ‌ever‌ ‌desire.‌ ‌‌

“Good‌ ‌boy.”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌looked‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌dog’s‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌before‌ ‌kissing‌ ‌him‌ ‌on‌ ‌top‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌head,‌ ‌“I‌ ‌guess‌ ‌we‌ ‌can’t‌ ‌wish‌ ‌for‌ ‌everything,‌ ‌huh‌ ‌bud?”‌ ‌ ‌‌

Miracle‌ ‌tilted‌ ‌his‌ ‌head‌ ‌at‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌voice,‌ ‌a‌ ‌gentle‌ ‌‘huff’‌ ‌leaving‌ ‌his‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌before‌ ‌he‌ ‌circled‌ ‌around‌ ‌and‌ ‌curled‌ ‌up‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌messy‌ ‌bedsheets.‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌gave‌ ‌him‌ ‌a‌ ‌few‌ ‌final‌ ‌pets,‌ ‌muttering‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌assuring‌ ‌words‌ ‌over‌ ‌again before sitting up.‌ 

‌‌Glancing‌ ‌over‌ ‌at‌ ‌his‌ ‌bedside‌ ‌table,‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌caught‌ ‌onto‌ ‌his‌ ‌headphone‌ ‌and‌ ‌cassette‌ ‌player,‌ ‌the‌ ‌tape‌ ‌inside‌ ‌being‌ ‌the‌ ‌same‌ ‌one‌ ‌he‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌playing‌ ‌on‌ ‌repeat‌ ‌for‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌few‌ ‌days:‌ ‌the‌ ‌mixtape‌ ‌he‌ ‌made‌ ‌for‌ ‌Cas.‌ ‌

‌‌Instead‌ ‌of‌ ‌grabbing‌ ‌the‌ ‌headphones‌ ‌and‌ ‌spending‌ ‌more‌ ‌time‌ ‌in‌ ‌bed,‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌doing‌ ‌almost‌ ‌every‌ ‌day,‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌got‌ ‌up.‌ ‌There‌ ‌was‌ ‌no‌ ‌use‌ ‌to‌ ‌making‌ ‌himself‌ ‌feel‌ ‌worse‌ ‌and,‌ ‌he‌ ‌was‌ ‌hungry.‌ ‌

He‌ ‌moved‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌bedroom‌ ‌door,‌ ‌glancing‌ ‌down‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌bowls‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌bed‌ ‌checking‌ ‌that‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌had‌ ‌enough‌ ‌water‌ ‌and‌ ‌food‌ ‌until‌ ‌he‌ ‌got‌ ‌back.‌ ‌

‌‌‘I’ll‌ ‌bring‌ ‌back‌ ‌some‌ ‌bacon‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌kitchen‌ ‌for‌ ‌him.’‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌decided,‌ ‌walking‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌desired‌ ‌destination‌ ‌just‌ ‌to‌ ‌meet‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌already‌ ‌there,‌ ‌working‌ ‌away‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌scrambled‌ ‌eggs‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌frying‌ ‌pan.‌ ‌ ‌

Dean‌ ‌moved‌ ‌toward‌ ‌the‌ ‌coffee‌ ‌machine‌ ‌with‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌few‌ ‌dregs‌ ‌left‌ ‌and‌ ‌poured‌ ‌some‌ ‌into‌ ‌a‌ ‌cup‌ ‌that‌ ‌he‌ ‌cherished‌ ‌with‌ ‌every‌ ‌day‌ ‌that‌ ‌passed.‌ ‌It‌ ‌was‌ ‌a‌ ‌simple‌ ‌white‌ ‌mug‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌‘Good‌ ‌Morning‌ ‌Sunshine’‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌front‌ ‌and‌ ‌a‌ ‌bright‌ ‌yellow‌ ‌sun‌ ‌placed‌ ‌underneath.‌ ‌It‌ ‌was‌ ‌Cas’‌ ‌present‌ ‌to‌ ‌him‌ ‌for‌ ‌his‌ ‌birthday‌ ‌a‌ ‌few‌ ‌months‌ ‌back.‌ ‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌couldn’t‌ ‌have‌ ‌asked‌ ‌for‌ ‌anything‌ ‌better.‌ ‌‌Sam‌ ‌nodded‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother,‌ ‌muttering‌ ‌a‌ ‌quiet‌ ‌‘Morning’‌ ‌before‌ ‌grabbing‌ ‌a‌ ‌third‌ ‌plate‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌cabinet‌ ‌to‌ ‌divide‌ ‌the‌ ‌eggs‌ ‌onto‌ ‌along‌ ‌with‌ ‌strips‌ ‌of‌ ‌bacon,‌ ‌the‌ ‌normal‌ ‌crispy‌ ‌and‌ ‌greasy‌ ‌kind‌ ‌for‌ ‌Dean,‌ ‌and‌ ‌turkey‌ ‌bacon‌ ‌for‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌two.‌ ‌ 

‌‌Dean‌ ‌savoured‌ ‌the‌ ‌bitter‌ ‌taste‌ ‌of‌ ‌coffee‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌spun‌ ‌around‌ ‌and‌ ‌leaned‌ ‌back‌ ‌against‌ ‌the‌ ‌counter,‌ ‌holding‌ ‌his‌ ‌mug‌ ‌up‌ ‌to‌ ‌greet‌ ‌Eileen,‌ ‌her‌ ‌head‌ ‌buried‌ ‌in‌ ‌a‌ ‌book‌ ‌about‌ ‌vampires‌ ‌and‌ ‌lore,‌ ‌something‌ ‌she‌ ‌found‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌library‌ ‌the‌ ‌first‌ ‌time‌ ‌she‌ ‌came‌ ‌around.‌ ‌‌

“Morning‌ ‌Dean.”‌ ‌She‌ ‌greeted‌ ‌happily‌ ‌before‌ ‌smiling‌ ‌up‌ ‌at‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌placed‌ ‌a‌ ‌filled‌ ‌plate‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌her,‌ ‌“Thanks,‌ ‌Sammy.”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌slyly‌ ‌smiled‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌nickname his borther used to hate,‌ ‌bringing‌ ‌the‌ ‌cup‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌lips‌ ‌to‌ ‌drain‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌liquid‌ ‌gold‌ ‌before‌ ‌gliding‌ ‌over‌ ‌to‌ ‌take‌ ‌a‌ ‌seat‌ ‌beside‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌with‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌sitting‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌opposite‌ ‌bench,‌ ‌food‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌each‌ ‌of‌ ‌them.‌ 

‌‌“So,‌ ‌any‌ ‌reports‌ ‌on‌ ‌danger‌ ‌around?”‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌asked‌ ‌over‌ ‌a‌ ‌bite‌ ‌of‌ ‌scrambled‌ ‌eggs.‌ 

‌‌Sam‌ ‌shook‌ ‌his‌ ‌head,‌ ‌digging‌ ‌into‌ ‌his‌ ‌own‌ ‌food‌ ‌with‌ ‌one‌ ‌hand,‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌subconsciously‌ ‌moving‌ ‌closer‌ ‌to‌ ‌Eileen’s‌ ‌that‌ ‌also‌ ‌rested‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌table,‌ ‌“No,‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌been‌ ‌pretty‌ ‌quiet‌ ‌since‌ ‌everything‌ ‌went‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌‘normal’,‌ ‌Claire‌ ‌and‌ ‌Jodie‌ ‌caught‌ ‌a‌ ‌case‌ ‌with‌ ‌a‌ ‌werewolf‌ ‌a‌ ‌few‌ ‌days‌ ‌back‌ ‌but‌ ‌nothing‌ ‌serious‌ ‌and‌ ‌nothing‌ ‌since.”‌ 

‌‌“I‌ ‌hate‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it,‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌don’t like ‌the‌ ‌silence,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌admitted,‌ ‌shaking‌ ‌his‌ ‌head‌ ‌in‌ ‌doubt,‌ ‌his‌ ‌brows‌ ‌creased‌ ‌in‌ ‌uncertainty,‌ ‌“It‌ ‌just‌ ‌doesn’t‌ ‌feel‌ ‌right,‌ ‌are‌ ‌‌all‌‌ ‌the‌ ‌monsters‌ ‌laying‌ ‌low?”‌ ‌‌

“I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌know,‌ ‌I‌ ‌mean,‌ ‌with‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌being‌ ‌the‌ ‌new...‌ ‌God,‌ ‌I‌ ‌guess‌ ‌they’re‌ ‌waiting‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌what‌ ‌happens?‌ ‌But‌ ‌I‌ ‌get‌ ‌it,‌ ‌it‌ ‌doesn’t‌ ‌make‌ ‌sense.”‌ ‌ 

‌‌“I‌ ‌think‌ ‌I’ll‌ ‌go‌ ‌looking‌ ‌at‌ ‌reports‌ ‌and‌ ‌stuff,‌ ‌see‌ ‌if‌ ‌anything‌ ‌pops‌ ‌up. Iif‌ ‌not‌, ‌I‌ ‌might‌ ‌take‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌and‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌out‌ ‌for‌ ‌a‌ ‌spin,‌ ‌get‌ ‌them‌ ‌out‌ ‌for‌ ‌some‌ ‌fresh‌ ‌air.”‌ ‌‌‘And‌ ‌get‌ ‌me‌ ‌away‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌happy‌ ‌couple’,‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌added‌ ‌silently‌ ‌to‌ ‌himself‌ ‌but‌ ‌immediately‌ ‌felt‌ ‌guilty‌ ‌upon‌ ‌thinking‌ ‌it.‌

 ‌He‌ ‌was‌ ‌happy‌ ‌for‌ ‌Sam.‌ ‌Happy‌ ‌that‌ ‌he‌ ‌and‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌were‌ ‌finally‌ ‌back‌ ‌together.‌ ‌He‌ ‌was‌ ‌just‌ ‌envious‌ ‌and‌ ‌hurt‌ ‌that‌ ‌he‌ ‌didn’t‌ ‌have‌ ‌a‌ ‌similar‌ ‌reunion of his own.‌ ‌

 ‌‌“Maybe‌ ‌we‌ ‌could‌ ‌make‌ ‌a‌ ‌trip‌ ‌over‌ ‌to‌ ‌Charlie‌ ‌and‌ ‌Stevie’s,‌ ‌make‌ ‌sure‌ ‌everything’s‌ ‌good‌ ‌on‌ ‌their‌ ‌end?”‌ ‌‌

“Might‌ ‌not‌ ‌be‌ ‌a‌ ‌good‌ ‌idea‌ ‌after‌ ‌how‌ ‌we‌ ‌left‌ ‌Charlie‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌time,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌chided,‌ ‌“I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌think‌ ‌I‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌know‌ ‌what‌ ‌she‌ ‌can‌ ‌do‌ ‌when‌ ‌she’s‌ ‌angry-”‌ 

‌‌“I‌ ‌doubt‌ ‌she’s‌ ‌angry‌ ‌Dean,‌ ‌and‌ ‌even‌ ‌if‌ ‌she‌ ‌is,‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌not‌ ‌at‌ ‌you.‌ It’s‌ ‌at‌ ‌Chuck,‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌life‌ ‌he‌ ‌forced‌ ‌us‌ ‌‌all‌‌ ‌to‌ ‌live,”‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌said.‌ ‌‌The‌ ‌older‌ ‌Winchester‌ ‌nodded‌ ‌and‌ ‌kindly‌ ‌smiled‌ ‌yet‌ ‌he‌ ‌couldn’t‌ ‌bring‌ ‌the‌ ‌same‌ ‌warmth‌ ‌to‌ ‌reach‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes,‌ ‌“Maybe‌ ‌another‌ ‌time.”‌ ‌‌

As‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌stared‌ ‌blankly‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌remaining‌ ‌two‌ ‌pieces‌ ‌of‌ ‌bacon‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌him,‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌and‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌shared‌ ‌a‌ ‌worried‌ ‌glance,‌ ‌speaking‌ ‌silently‌ ‌with‌ ‌one‌ ‌another‌ ‌before‌ ‌she‌ ‌moved‌ ‌to‌ ‌collect‌ ‌her‌ ‌and‌ ‌Sam’s‌ ‌finished‌ ‌plates,‌ ‌“Just‌ ‌place‌ ‌your‌ ‌plate‌ ‌by‌ ‌the‌ ‌sink‌ ‌when‌ ‌you’re‌ ‌finished‌ ‌Dean,‌ ‌I’ll‌ ‌clean‌ ‌up.”‌ ‌

‌“Nah‌ ‌you‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌have‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌that,‌ ‌you‌ ‌and‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌should‌ ‌go‌ ‌out,‌ ‌go do‌ ‌whatever‌ ‌kids these days get up to these days.‌ ‌I‌ ‌heard‌ ‌you‌ ‌both‌ ‌talking‌ ‌about‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌park‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌day,‌ ‌why‌ ‌not‌ ‌do‌ ‌that?‌ ‌It’s‌ ‌the‌ ‌right‌ ‌weather‌ ‌for‌ ‌it,‌ ‌so‌ ‌you‌ ‌might‌ ‌as‌ ‌well,‌ ‌I’ll‌ ‌get‌ ‌here‌ ‌cleaned‌ ‌up.”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌declared,‌ ‌deciding‌ ‌to‌ ‌save‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌two‌ ‌bacon‌ ‌strips‌ ‌for‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌got‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌moved‌ ‌toward‌ ‌the‌ ‌sink.‌ 

‌‌“Are‌ ‌you‌ ‌sure?”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌questioned,‌ ‌glancing‌ ‌between‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌and‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌who‌ ‌was‌ ‌trying‌ ‌to‌ ‌push‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌away‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌sink‌ ‌to‌ ‌let‌ ‌her‌ ‌clean‌ ‌up‌ ‌but‌ ‌the‌ ‌older‌ ‌(and‌ ‌stronger)‌ ‌brother‌ ‌was‌ ‌having‌ ‌none‌ ‌of‌ ‌it,‌ ‌ ‌‌

“Yes,‌ ‌go!‌ ‌I’ll‌ ‌be‌ ‌here‌ ‌looking‌ ‌for‌ ‌cases‌ ‌most‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌day‌ ‌anyway,‌ ‌or‌ ‌as‌ ‌I‌ ‌said,‌ ‌taking‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌and‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌for‌ ‌a‌ ‌drive‌ ‌so‌ ‌you‌ ‌might‌ ‌as‌ ‌well.”‌ ‌‌

Sam‌ ‌was‌ ‌hesitant‌ ‌at‌ ‌first‌ ‌but‌ ‌one‌ ‌look‌ ‌from‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌made‌ ‌him‌ ‌roll‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌and‌ ‌agree.‌ ‌“Fine,‌ ‌let‌ ‌me‌ ‌grab‌ ‌my‌ ‌coat.”‌ 

‌‌Eileen‌ ‌followed‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌kitchen‌ ‌to‌ ‌grab‌ ‌her‌ ‌own‌ ‌things‌ ‌before‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌left‌ ‌the‌ ‌bunker,‌ ‌quiet,‌ ‌comfortable‌ ‌laughter‌ ‌emitting‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌doors‌ ‌shut‌ ‌behind‌ ‌them,‌ ‌leaving‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌alone‌ ‌in‌ ‌silence‌ ‌to‌ ‌tidy‌ ‌the‌ ‌kitchen‌ ‌and‌ ‌return‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌room‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌remaining‌ ‌scraps‌ ‌of‌ ‌food‌ ‌for‌ ‌Miracle.‌ 

‌‌                                                      __‌ ‌‌

Sam‌ ‌found‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌hunched‌ ‌over‌ ‌the‌ ‌laptop‌ ‌when‌ ‌he‌ ‌got‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌bunker‌ ‌without‌ ‌Eileen.‌ ‌She‌ ‌decided‌ ‌that‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌brothers‌ ‌needed‌ ‌to‌ ‌talk,‌ ‌and‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌was‌ ‌willing‌ ‌to‌ ‌agree.‌ ‌

One‌ ‌of‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌hands‌ ‌was‌ ‌buried‌ ‌in‌ ‌Miracle’s‌ ‌fur,‌ ‌the‌ ‌dog’s‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌flickering‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌moved‌ ‌from‌ ‌consciousness‌ ‌to‌ ‌slowly‌ ‌falling‌ ‌asleep‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌bunker‌ ‌seat. Dean’s ‌other‌ ‌hand‌ ‌was‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌mousepad‌ ‌looking‌ ‌at‌ ‌recent‌ ‌news‌ ‌posts,‌ ‌searching‌ ‌for‌ ‌signs‌ ‌of‌ ‌anything‌ ‌supernatural.‌ ‌‌

“Anything?”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌asked‌ ‌in‌ ‌his‌ ‌way‌ ‌of‌ ‌greeting,‌ ‌slumping‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌seat‌ ‌opposite‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌and‌ ‌opening‌ ‌up‌ ‌his‌ ‌own‌ ‌laptop.‌ 

‌Dean‌ ‌was‌ ‌silent‌ ‌as‌ ‌if‌ ‌he‌ ‌hadn’t‌ ‌heard‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌at‌ ‌all.‌ 

‌‌“Dean,”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌called‌ ‌again‌ ‌making‌ ‌the‌ ‌older‌ ‌brother‌ ‌look‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌shake‌ ‌his‌ ‌head.‌ 

‌‌“I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌know…”‌ 

‌‌“What‌ ‌is‌ ‌it?”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌asks,‌ ‌leaning‌ ‌forward‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌spots‌ ‌the‌ ‌confuse‌ ‌look‌ ‌cross‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌face‌ ‌before‌ ‌he‌ ‌gulped‌ ‌nervously,‌ 

‌‌“I’m‌ ‌not‌ ‌sure.”‌ 

‌‌“Dean?”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌pushed‌ ‌his‌ ‌chair‌ ‌back‌ ‌quickly,‌ ‌startling‌ ‌both‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌and‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌jumped‌ ‌up,‌ ‌wide‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌refusing‌ ‌to‌ ‌leave‌ ‌the‌ ‌laptop‌ ‌screen.‌ ‌His‌ ‌face‌ ‌grew‌ ‌pale,‌ ‌he‌ ‌tried‌ ‌to‌ ‌open‌ ‌his‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌to‌ ‌speak‌ ‌but‌ ‌nothing‌ ‌came‌ ‌out,‌ ‌until‌ ‌finally,‌ 

‌‌“I…‌ ‌I‌ ‌have‌ ‌to‌ ‌go.”‌ ‌

‌“Dean?”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌called‌ ‌after‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌ran‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌room,‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌running‌ ‌in‌ ‌tow‌ ‌behind‌ ‌him.‌ ‌

Sam‌ ‌quickly‌ ‌grabbed‌ ‌the‌ ‌laptop‌ ‌and‌ ‌turned‌ ‌it‌ ‌around‌ ‌the‌ ‌face‌ ‌him,‌ ‌a‌ ‌similar‌ ‌expression‌ ‌of‌ ‌shock‌ ‌greeting‌ ‌his‌ ‌face,‌ ‌“No‌ ‌way.”‌ ‌‌

Kicking‌ ‌the‌ ‌chair‌ ‌back,‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌ran‌ ‌after‌ ‌his‌ ‌older‌ ‌brother,‌ ‌grabbing‌ ‌his‌ ‌jacket‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌coat‌ ‌rack‌ ‌before‌ ‌following‌ ‌the‌ ‌path‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌garage‌ ‌where‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌already‌ ‌had‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌running‌ ‌about‌ ‌the‌ ‌leave‌ ‌without‌ ‌him,‌ ‌

“Dean,‌ ‌wait!”‌ 

‌‌The‌ ‌car‌ ‌ground‌ ‌to‌ ‌a‌ ‌halt‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌brother‌ ‌opened‌ ‌the‌ ‌passenger‌ ‌door,‌ ‌jumping‌ ‌in‌ ‌and‌ ‌slamming‌ ‌it‌ ‌shut‌ ‌behind‌ ‌him,‌ ‌“Alright,‌ ‌let’s‌ ‌go.”‌ ‌‌

The‌ ‌drive‌ ‌was‌ ‌less‌ ‌than‌ ‌an‌ ‌hour‌ ‌long‌ ‌and‌ ‌yet‌ ‌to‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌it‌ ‌felt‌ ‌like‌ ‌days‌ ‌went‌ ‌by‌ ‌before‌ ‌they‌ ‌finally‌ ‌reached‌ ‌the‌ ‌barnyard‌ ‌they‌ ‌were‌ ‌searching‌ ‌for.‌ ‌A‌ ‌farmer‌ ‌had‌ ‌sworn‌ ‌he‌ ‌saw‌ ‌lightning‌ ‌strike‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌but‌ ‌that‌ ‌wasn’t‌ ‌what‌ ‌stood‌ ‌out‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌hunters.‌ ‌It‌ ‌was‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌detail,‌ ‌something‌ ‌the‌ ‌news‌ ‌brushed‌ ‌off‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ ‌coincidence.‌ ‌

The‌ ‌shadowed‌ ‌image‌ ‌of‌ ‌two‌ ‌identical‌ ‌shapes‌ ‌that‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌men‌ ‌knew‌ ‌too‌ ‌well;‌ ‌the‌ ‌large‌ ‌black‌ ‌wings‌ ‌of‌ ‌a‌ ‌fallen‌ ‌angel‌ ‌spread‌ ‌across‌ ‌the‌ ‌dirt.‌ ‌‌

He‌ ‌had‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌here.‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌barely‌ ‌put‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌to‌ ‌a‌ ‌halt,‌ ‌the‌ ‌car‌ ‌still‌ ‌in‌ ‌motion‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌was‌ ‌jumping‌ ‌out,‌ ‌running‌ ‌toward‌ ‌the‌ ‌barn‌ ‌entrance‌ ‌to‌ ‌confirm‌ ‌what‌ ‌the‌ ‌farmer‌ ‌had‌ ‌seen.‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌nearly‌ ‌fell‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌knees‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌spotted‌ ‌the‌ ‌outlines‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌dark‌ ‌wings‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground.‌ ‌Instead,‌ ‌he‌ ‌stumbled‌ ‌back,‌ ‌only‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌caught‌ ‌by‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌who‌ ‌ran‌ ‌up‌ ‌behind‌ ‌him,‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌in‌ ‌tow,‌ ‌sniffing‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌around‌ ‌them.‌ 

‌‌“This‌ ‌can’t‌ ‌be‌ ‌a‌ ‌coincidence,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌muttered,‌ ‌more‌ ‌to‌ ‌himself‌ ‌than‌ ‌either‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌companions‌ ‌but‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌still‌ ‌nodded‌ ‌in‌ ‌agreement,‌ ‌head‌ ‌moving‌ ‌around‌ ‌in‌ ‌search‌ ‌of‌ ‌anything‌ ‌that‌ ‌would‌ ‌give‌ ‌them‌ ‌a‌ ‌clue,‌ ‌until…‌ ‌‌

Whoosh‌ ‌‌

Spinning‌ ‌around,‌ ‌both‌ ‌boys‌ ‌stood‌ ‌in‌ ‌shock‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌figure‌ ‌before‌ ‌them,‌ 

‌‌“Hello,”‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌spoke,‌ ‌his‌ ‌signature‌ ‌smile‌ ‌and‌ ‌wave‌ ‌gracing‌ ‌his‌ ‌face‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌boys‌ ‌stared‌ ‌back‌ ‌in‌ ‌wonder,‌ ‌‌

“Jack?”‌ ‌‌

The‌ ‌boy,‌ ‌or‌ ‌God,‌ ‌nodded‌ ‌and‌ ‌grinned‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌two,‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌brightening‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌spotted‌ ‌the‌ ‌dog‌ ‌who‌ ‌now‌ ‌sat‌ ‌beside‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌feet,‌ 

‌“I‌ ‌see‌ ‌you‌ ‌brought‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌with‌ ‌you,‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌glad‌ ‌he’s‌ ‌given‌ ‌you‌ ‌some‌ ‌peace‌ ‌in‌ ‌life.”‌ ‌‌

“Jack,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌spoke‌ ‌hesitantly,‌ ‌not‌ ‌knowing‌ ‌how‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌his‌ ‌next‌ ‌words‌ ‌without‌ ‌being‌ ‌offensive,‌ ‌and‌ ‌yet‌ ‌it‌ ‌seemed‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌just‌ ‌fell‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌anyway,‌ ‌“Why‌ ‌the‌ ‌hell‌ ‌are‌ ‌you‌ ‌here,‌ ‌I‌ ‌mean‌ ‌not‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌not‌ ‌nice‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌you‌ ‌but,‌ ‌the‌ ‌wings‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌I‌ ‌just,‌ ‌I‌ ‌thought-”‌ ‌‌

“I‌ ‌know,”‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌nodded,‌ ‌“I’m‌ ‌sorry.”‌ 

‌‌Dean’s‌ ‌shoulder’s‌ ‌slumped‌ ‌in‌ ‌anguish‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌words,‌ ‌expecting‌ ‌the‌ ‌boy‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌a‌ ‌mistake,‌ ‌an‌ ‌angel‌ ‌had‌ ‌fallen‌ ‌but‌ ‌it‌ ‌had‌ ‌nothing‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌with‌ ‌what‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌was‌ ‌thinking,‌ ‌until,‌ ‌ 

‌‌“I’m‌ ‌sorry‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌to‌ ‌make‌ ‌you‌ ‌drive‌ ‌all‌ ‌the‌ ‌way‌ ‌out‌ ‌here,‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌still‌ ‌trying‌ ‌to‌ ‌figure‌ ‌out‌ ‌my‌ ‌new‌ ‌powers‌ ‌and‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌been‌ ‌a‌ ‌little‌ ‌difficult‌ ‌trying‌ ‌to‌ ‌get‌ ‌everything‌ ‌just‌ ‌right.‌ ‌I‌ ‌wanted‌ ‌to‌ ‌bring‌ ‌him‌ ‌back‌ ‌home,‌ ‌but‌ ‌my‌ ‌calculations‌ ‌were‌ ‌off‌ ‌and-”‌ 

‌‌“Wait,‌ ‌Jack,”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌cut‌ ‌the‌ ‌boy‌ ‌off,‌ ‌but‌ ‌he‌ ‌didn’t‌ ‌seem‌ ‌to‌ ‌mind‌ ‌this‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌glanced‌ ‌up,‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌shining‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌realised‌ ‌he‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌rambling.‌ ‌

Before‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌could‌ ‌respond‌ ‌further,‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌began‌ ‌to‌ ‌walk‌ ‌toward‌ ‌them,‌ ‌ ‌‌“Oh‌ ‌sorry,‌ ‌here,‌ ‌let‌ ‌me‌ ‌show‌ ‌you.”‌ ‌‌As‌ ‌the‌ ‌new‌ ‌God‌ ‌neared‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌brothers,‌ ‌his‌ ‌family,‌ ‌he‌ ‌lifted‌ ‌his‌ ‌hand‌ ‌and‌ ‌clicked‌ ‌his‌ ‌fingers.‌ ‌

A‌ ‌gentle‌ ‌hum‌ ‌flooded‌ ‌the‌ ‌area,‌ ‌making‌ ‌chills‌ ‌flow‌ ‌through‌ ‌the‌ ‌boys‌ ‌and‌ ‌even‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌shook‌ ‌his‌ ‌fur‌ ‌coat‌ ‌lightly.‌ ‌‌

“Jack,‌ ‌I‌ ‌don’t-”‌

 ‌‌“Dean?”‌ ‌‌Dean‌ ‌froze,‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌wide.‌ ‌He‌ ‌knew‌ ‌that‌ ‌voice.‌ ‌He‌ ‌knew‌ ‌that‌ ‌voice‌ ‌all‌ ‌too‌ ‌well.‌ ‌‌

Spinning‌ ‌around,‌ ‌the‌ ‌green-eyed‌ ‌man‌ ‌choked‌ ‌a‌ ‌sob‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ ‌black-haired,‌ ‌blue-eyed‌ ‌figure‌ ‌walked‌ ‌forward,‌ ‌trench‌ ‌coat‌ ‌in‌ ‌hand‌ ‌and‌ ‌a‌ ‌smile,‌ ‌a‌ ‌goddamn‌ ‌smile,‌ ‌on‌ ‌his‌ ‌angelic‌ ‌face.‌ ‌‌

It‌ ‌was‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌who‌ ‌broke‌ ‌the‌ ‌silence,‌ ‌being‌ ‌the‌ ‌first‌ ‌to‌ ‌utter‌ ‌Cas’s‌ ‌name‌ ‌aloud.‌ ‌The‌ ‌man‌ ‌smiled,‌ ‌turning‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌younger‌ ‌brother,‌ ‌

“Hello‌ ‌Sam.”‌ 

‌‌Sam‌ ‌didn’t‌ ‌hesitate‌ ‌to‌ ‌move‌ ‌forward‌ ‌and‌ ‌greet‌ ‌his‌ ‌best‌ ‌friend,‌ ‌hugging‌ ‌him‌ ‌tightly,‌ 

‌“How,‌ ‌how‌ ‌are‌ ‌you-?”‌ ‌He‌ ‌tried‌ ‌to‌ ‌ask‌ ‌but‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌fell‌ ‌flat‌ ‌on‌ ‌his‌ ‌lips.‌ ‌ ‌‌

Castiel‌ ‌gestured‌ ‌to‌ ‌Jack,‌ ‌chuckling‌ ‌softly,‌ ‌“Jack‌ ‌made‌ ‌a‌ ‌deal‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌Empty,‌ ‌it‌ ‌would‌ ‌finally‌ ‌know‌ ‌peace‌ ‌and‌ ‌quiet,‌ ‌the‌ ‌one‌ ‌thing‌ ‌it‌ ‌has‌ ‌been‌ ‌searching‌ ‌for‌ ‌and,‌ ‌in‌ ‌return,‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌released,‌ ‌but‌ ‌instead‌ ‌of‌ ‌coming‌ ‌back‌ ‌as‌ ‌an‌ ‌angel,‌ ‌it‌ ‌made‌ ‌me-”‌ 

‌‌“Human.”‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌finished‌ ‌off,‌ ‌meeting‌ ‌the‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌three‌ ‌fathers,‌ ‌“I’m‌ ‌sorry,‌ ‌I‌ ‌wish‌ ‌it‌ ‌could‌ ‌have‌ ‌been‌ ‌different‌ ‌but-”‌ 

‌‌“Jack,”‌ 

‌Dean‌ ‌cut‌ ‌the‌ ‌boy‌ ‌off‌ ‌quietly‌ ‌before‌ ‌meeting‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes.‌ ‌The‌ ‌look‌ ‌of‌ ‌shock‌ ‌turned‌ ‌to‌ ‌one‌ ‌of‌ ‌gratitude‌ ‌and‌ ‌relief,‌ ‌tears‌ ‌pricking‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌as‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌moved‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌few‌ ‌paces‌ ‌toward‌ ‌Jack,‌ ‌pulling‌ ‌him‌ ‌in‌ ‌a‌ ‌strong‌ ‌familial‌ ‌hug,‌ 

‌“You‌ ‌did‌ ‌good‌ ‌kid,‌ ‌you‌ ‌did,‌ ‌you‌ ‌performed‌ ‌a‌ ‌miracle.”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌tightened‌ ‌his‌ ‌grip‌ ‌on‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌for‌ ‌a‌ ‌moment,‌ ‌uttering‌ ‌a‌ ‌silent‌ ‌thank‌ ‌you‌ ‌for‌ ‌only‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌to‌ ‌hear‌ ‌before‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌pulled‌ ‌away,‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌nodding‌ ‌in‌ ‌acknowledgement‌ ‌of‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌words.‌ ‌‌

It‌ ‌was‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌turn‌ ‌to‌ ‌move‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌finally‌ ‌face‌ ‌Castiel;‌ ‌his‌ ‌best‌ ‌friend,‌ ‌the‌ ‌man‌ ‌he‌ ‌has‌ ‌known‌ ‌for‌ ‌what‌ ‌feels‌ ‌like‌ ‌hundreds‌ ‌of‌ ‌years‌ ‌and‌ ‌has‌ ‌saved‌ ‌him‌ ‌more‌ ‌times‌ ‌than‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌could‌ ‌count.‌ ‌

The‌ ‌man‌ ‌that‌ ‌confessed‌ ‌his‌ ‌feelings‌ ‌before‌ ‌he‌ ‌leaving‌ ‌to‌ ‌save‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌‌again‌‌ ‌and‌ ‌the‌ ‌man‌ ‌that‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌has‌ ‌been‌ ‌in‌ ‌love‌ ‌with‌ ‌for‌ ‌who‌ ‌knows‌ ‌how‌ ‌many‌ ‌years‌ ‌since‌ ‌they‌ ‌met.‌ 

‌‌“Cas?”‌ 

‌‌“Hello,‌ ‌Dean.”‌ ‌‌

Tears‌ ‌flowed‌ ‌freely‌ ‌down‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌face,‌ ‌not‌ ‌caring‌ ‌that‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌or‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌were‌ ‌watching‌ ‌them,‌ ‌not‌ ‌as‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌hauled‌ ‌himself‌ ‌forward‌ ‌and‌ ‌collapsed‌ ‌into‌ ‌Cas’‌ ‌arms‌ ‌toppling‌ ‌them‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌and‌ ‌yet‌ ‌Cas‌ ‌held‌ ‌him‌ ‌tightly.‌ ‌‌

“You‌ ‌were‌ ‌gone,‌ ‌I‌ ‌thought,‌ ‌I-”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌released‌ ‌a‌ ‌shaky‌ ‌sob‌ ‌before‌ ‌burying‌ ‌his‌ ‌head‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌shoulder‌ ‌of‌ ��his‌ ‌angel,‌ ‌“I‌ ‌never‌ ‌got‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it‌ ‌back.‌ ‌You‌ ‌were‌ ‌gone‌ ‌before‌ ‌I,‌ ‌before‌ ‌I‌ ‌could‌ ‌say-”‌ 

‌‌“Dean-”‌ 

‌‌“No,‌ ‌Cas,‌ ‌please,‌ ‌I‌ ‌need‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌begged,‌ ‌green‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌meeting‌ ‌his‌ ‌blue‌ ‌ones.‌ ‌ 

‌‌Cas‌ ‌nodded,‌ ‌shifting‌ ‌so‌ ‌he‌ ‌only‌ ‌needed‌ ‌one‌ ‌hand‌ ‌to‌ ‌hold‌ ‌himself‌ ‌and‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌up,‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌moving‌ ‌to‌ ‌touch‌ ‌his‌ ‌shoulder,‌ ‌like‌ ‌last‌ ‌time‌ ‌instead‌ ‌the‌ ‌grip‌ ‌remained‌ ‌firm‌ ‌and‌ ‌kept‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌grounded‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌finally,‌ ‌‌finally‌,‌ ‌uttered‌ ‌the‌ ‌three‌ ‌words‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌best‌ ‌friend‌ ‌and‌ ‌love‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌life,‌ ‌‌

“I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you,‌ ‌Cas.‌ ‌I‌ ‌have‌ ‌loved‌ ‌you‌ ‌for‌ ‌a‌ ‌long‌ ‌time‌ ‌but,‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌afraid,‌ ‌afraid‌ ‌to‌ ‌ruin‌ ‌our‌ ‌friendship,‌ ‌our‌ ‌time‌ ‌together,‌ ‌I-”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌was‌ ‌cut‌ ‌off‌ ‌when‌ ‌strong‌ ‌lips‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌against‌ ‌his‌ ‌own‌ ‌and‌ ‌fresh‌ ‌tears‌ ‌began‌ ‌to‌ ‌fall‌ ‌down‌ ‌his‌ ‌face‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌cupped‌ ‌Cas’‌ ‌face‌ ‌in‌ ‌his‌ ‌hands.‌ ‌Both‌ ‌men‌ ‌fell‌ ‌back,‌ ‌crashing‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌to‌ ‌embrace‌ ‌the‌ ‌another‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌dust‌ ‌and‌ ‌dirt,‌ ‌not‌ ‌caring‌ ‌for‌ ‌anything‌ ‌but‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌person‌ ‌holding‌ ‌them.‌ ‌‌

“I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you.‌ ‌I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you.‌ ‌I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you.”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌spoke‌ ‌with‌ ‌bated‌ ‌breathe‌ ‌between‌ ‌each‌ ‌kiss‌ ‌he‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌lover’s‌ ‌mouth.‌ ‌Cas’‌ ‌smile‌ ‌widening‌ ‌in‌ ‌between‌ ‌each‌ ‌one‌ ‌until‌ ‌he‌ ‌encouraged‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌to‌ ‌pull‌ ‌away,‌ ‌ ‌‌

“Not‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌love‌ ‌what‌ ‌you’re‌ ‌doing‌ ‌right‌ ‌now,‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌would‌ ‌rather‌ ‌if‌ ‌we‌ ‌finished‌ ‌this‌ ‌in‌ ‌private,‌ ‌maybe‌ ‌in‌ ‌bed‌ ‌and‌ ‌without‌ ‌the‌ ‌audience?”‌ ‌He‌ ‌suggested‌ ‌before‌ ‌gesturing‌ ‌to‌ ‌Sam,‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌and‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌who‌ ‌had‌ ‌retreated‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌car.‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌was‌ ‌facing‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌talking‌ ‌in‌ ‌hushed‌ ‌voices‌ ‌but‌ ‌by‌ ‌the‌ ‌looks‌ ‌on‌ ‌both‌ ‌their‌ ‌faces,‌ ‌they‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌watching‌ ‌the‌ ‌pair’s‌ ‌reunion‌ ‌both‌ ‌parties‌ ‌smiling‌ ‌endlessly.‌ 

‌‌Dean‌ ‌should‌ ‌have‌ ‌been‌ ‌embarrassed,‌ ‌but‌ ‌he‌ ‌wasn’t.‌ ‌Not‌ ‌now,‌ ‌with‌ ‌Cas‌ ‌here,‌ ‌actually‌ ‌here‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌gritty‌ ‌dirt‌ ‌and‌ ‌smiling‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌a‌ ‌final‌ ‌kiss‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌corner‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌before‌ ‌getting‌ ‌up.‌ ‌

Cas‌ ‌dusted‌ ‌off‌ ‌the‌ ‌trenchcoat‌ ‌that‌ ‌had‌ ‌fallen‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌grip‌ ‌and‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground,‌ ‌before‌ ‌outstretching‌ ‌his‌ ‌hand‌ ‌to‌ ‌Dean.‌ ‌‌Dean‌ ‌accepted‌ ‌the‌ ‌offer‌ ‌without‌ ‌any‌ ‌hesitation,‌ ‌and‌ ‌gasped‌ ‌as‌ ‌Cas‌ ‌pulled‌ ‌him‌ ‌up‌ ‌quickly,‌ ‌smashing‌ ‌their‌ ‌lips‌ ‌together‌ ‌not‌ ‌so‌ ‌gracefully,‌ ‌teeth‌ ‌clashing‌ ‌making‌ ‌both‌ ‌men‌ ‌pull‌ ‌back‌ ‌and‌ ‌groan‌ ‌in‌ ‌pain‌ ‌while‌ ‌laughing,‌ 

‌“For‌ ‌a‌ ‌human,‌ ‌you’re‌ ‌still‌ ‌pretty‌ ‌strong.”‌ ‌‌

“You’d‌ ‌be‌ ‌quite‌ ‌surprised‌ ‌how‌ ‌strong‌ ‌I‌ ‌can‌ ‌be,‌ ‌Dean.‌ ‌Maybe‌ ‌we‌ ‌can‌ ‌test‌ ‌one‌ ‌another‌ ‌out‌ ‌sometime?”‌

 ‌‌“Oh,‌ ‌is‌ ‌that‌ ‌a‌ ‌challenge‌ ‌I‌ ‌hear?”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌laughed,‌ ‌ready‌ ‌to‌ ‌jump‌ ‌into‌ ‌proving‌ ‌Cas‌ ‌wrong,‌ ‌but‌ ‌the‌ ‌soft‌ ‌shake‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌head‌ ‌and‌ ‌loving‌ ‌blue‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌stopped‌ ‌him‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌angel,‌ ‌or‌ ‌no‌ ‌longer‌ ‌angel‌ ‌replied,‌ ‌‌‌

“No,‌ ‌a‌ ‌promise,‌ ‌to‌ ‌never‌ ‌leave‌ ‌you‌ ‌again.”‌ ‌‌

Dean’s‌ ‌nod‌ded ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌bit ‌back‌ ‌another‌ ‌sob‌, ‌fumbling ‌to‌ ‌say his next new words,‌ ‌“I’ll‌ ‌keep‌ ‌you‌ ‌to‌ ‌that.”‌

                                                        ‌‌__‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌spent‌ ‌most‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌days‌ ‌working‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌garage‌ ‌of‌ ‌their‌ ‌home,‌ ‌under‌ ‌the‌ ‌hood‌ ‌of‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌or‌ ‌any‌ ‌of‌ ‌their‌ ‌friend’s‌ ‌cars,‌ ‌welcoming‌ ‌the‌ ‌feel‌ ‌of‌ ‌oil‌ ‌and‌ ‌grease‌ ‌that‌ ‌clung‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌skin‌ ‌and‌ ‌T-shirt.‌ ‌

A‌ ‌towel‌ ‌was‌ ‌thrown‌ ‌over‌ ‌his‌ ‌shoulder,‌ ‌beads‌ ‌of‌ ‌sweat‌ ‌dripping‌ ‌down‌ ‌on‌ ‌his‌ ‌forehead‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌used‌ ‌the back of his‌ ‌arm‌ ‌to‌ ‌wipe‌ ‌it‌ ‌away‌ ‌just‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ ‌shrill‌ ‌voice‌ ‌called‌ ‌out‌ ‌to‌ ‌him.‌ 

‌‌“Dad,‌ ‌Dad,‌ ‌I‌ ‌finished‌ ‌my‌ ‌project‌ ‌for‌ ‌school,‌ ‌do‌ ‌you‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌see?”‌ ‌ ‌‌

Rebecca‌ ‌Winchester‌ ‌ran‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌garage‌ ‌through‌ ‌the‌ ‌door‌ ‌that‌ ‌led‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌kitchen‌ ‌and‌ ‌laughed‌ ‌seeing‌ ‌her‌ ‌father‌ ‌coated‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌grime‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌car.‌ ‌

Dean‌ ‌smiled,‌ ‌putting‌ ‌his‌ ‌tools‌ ‌and‌ ‌tweaking‌ ‌to‌ ‌a‌ ‌halt‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌used‌ ‌the‌ ‌towel‌ ‌to‌ ‌wipe‌ ‌away‌ ‌any‌ ‌remaining‌ ‌oil‌ ‌on‌ ‌his‌ ‌hands,‌ ‌he‌ ‌smiled‌ ‌at‌ ‌her‌ ‌enthusiasm,‌ ‌‌

“I’m‌ ‌assuming‌ ‌your‌ ‌father‌ ‌helped‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌painting,‌ ‌or‌ ‌did‌ ‌you‌ ‌do‌ ‌it‌ ‌all‌ ‌by‌ ‌yourself?”‌ ‌‌

“By‌ ‌myself‌ ‌but‌ ‌he ‌watched‌ ‌and‌ ‌tried‌ ‌to‌ ‌step‌ ‌in,‌ ‌I‌ ‌gave‌ ‌him‌ ‌a‌ ‌kitten‌ ‌picture‌ ‌to‌ ‌paint‌ ‌instead, it’s up on the fridge npw.”‌ ‌The‌ ‌girl‌ ‌shrugged‌ ‌grinning‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌statement‌ ‌made‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌laugh,‌ ‌ ‌

"That's my girl, okay, lead the way."

Dean chuckled as the young girl eagerly grabbed her father's hand, pulling him from his station beside Baby and up the steps into the kitchen where he noticed it was darker than usual. 

A nervous tick grew in Dean as he reached for a gun that was not by his side, jumping in shock as the lights flickered back on and the unexpected scene was met before him,

"Surprise!"

His friends and family cried in celebration, crowding around the dining table that was full of food and beverages. Streamers were strung up and hung from the ceiling along with balloons and poppers that Dean was grateful remained on the table unpopped.

"Happy birthday!" Rebecca cheered gleefully as others repeated her words. Dean's smile reached his eyes, head buried into his hands as he laughed and took in the faces of all his friends before he landed on the man in the middle,

"Cas, did you-"

The blue eyed man gave a cheeky grin as he walked over to his lover, arms reaching to circle around his waist, pulling Dean closely until his head touched his chest and muttered incoherent words into the oil stained t-shirt. 

Dean gripped Cas tightly around the shoulders before the two pulled away, Cas holding up has right hand to take Dean's own, their two wedding bands glinting in the dim kitchen light.

"Happy birthday Dean," Sam spoke as he handed an opened beer to his brother in celebration. Beside him, Eileen was linked by his side, a hand grazing the side of her waist as both her hands were holding down the bubbling five year old boy who was trying to jump up and be carried by his Uncle De'.

Dean thanked his brother and family, handing Cas the beer for a moment before crouching down to Jonathan Winchester's height, ruffling the boys hair, and lifting him up into the air, spinning him around before placing him back down to the ground. The adults smiled hearing the childs laughter and his pleading words to ‘do it again’ repeated endlessly. Rebecca grabbed Jon's hand and brought him over to the food table instead, and the kid's eyes widening as she asked him what he wanted to eat.

Cas and Dean moved around the room, the two of them glued to one another's side as they talked to everyone who had come to surprise him. Jodie and Donna hugged Dean tightly, both offering words of congratualtions and comfort that made Dean's heart swell. He rolled his eyes, pretending to be offended when Claire made a, not so quiet, comment about his age which had others around them chuckling too, but Dean couldn't keep the frown on his face for too long. 

He moved forward and pulled Claire into a hug that she pretended to fight off before giving up and hugging the older man back, lightly punching his shoulder as they moved away, her hand falling back to hold Kaia's who was standing beside her. Both Kaia and Alex shared brief words and birthday wishes with Dean until the man spotted Charlie and excused himself to meet the red headed nerd who pulled him into a tight hug.

Stevie was next as she hugged Dean and thanked Cas for inviting them. Dean glanced to Cas who smiled offering an 'of course, thank you for coming' just as the doorbell to their house rang. 

Without thinking, Dean shouts that he'll get it, pecking Cas on the lips and squeezing his side before removing himself from his hold as he makes truth on his words, moving toward the front door. His smile couldn't widen any further as he saw the figure before him,

"Hello Dean, happy birthday!" Jack chirpped happily.  

“Hey kid, c’mon in.” Dean responded, opening the door wider and calling to his husband to show him who had arrived at the door.

Although Jack had insisted that he would be excluding himself from the story, to do what Chuck couldn't, Jack knew that his words wouldn't last. Not when it meant not seeing his family. 

It started with the first Christmas of the Winchester's and their lovers being back together. By this point they were still using the bunker as their home until they could find their own respective houses closer to their friends.

Jack had been nervous to knock on the door, some part of him thinking that maybe he wasn't welcome here, but one smile from Sam and a hug barely seconds later, had diminished these thoughts quickly as Sam called for Dean to grab an extra plate, more family had arrived.

Jack shared hugs with everyone, the last being Cas who squeezed him tightly, pressing a kiss to his son’s head before saying they could catch up properly after dinner. Dean cut the turkey, and they all handed each other the many trays and bowls of food to fill their plates and stomachs.

They pulled Christmas crackers which Jack had snapped over from Britain, and wore colourful paper hats, laughing as Dean's ripped and someone made the comment of him having too big a head.

From there, Jack decided to spilt his duty between Heaven and Earth, making sure that everything was running smoothly up top while also spending time with his loved ones with every special occasion that came about, where he could, for once, be at peace and be a kid with his family.

As the years grew on, the brothers moved into a routine, making sure there was a spare room in both their houses just for Jack to stay in even though it wasn't necessary, but Jack liked that he had a place to go if he ever needed to think, or just be, for even a few moments.

He and Dean even went fishing together a few times every year, and Dean still gave Jack driving lessons although the use of a car wasn't needed for the young God anymore but he still appreciated the time spent alone with one of his father's. 

The one time Dean asked Jack if he wanted to see a baseball game with him, the boy was more than delighted to attend, sitting by Dean's side as they ate hotdogs that were too big for their mouths. And even though Jack couldn't understand the rules of baseball, no matter how many times Dean tried and failed to explain them, Jack couldn't think of anywhere else he wanted to be.

Jack was a God, the creator of the new Heaven and protector of all the souls that entered, but he was also a son to his three fathers, a brother to Rebecca and Jon. He was an Angel, he was the son of Lucifer, but most importantly, he was a Winchester.

And when the time was right, and his family grew old, their lives ending in the most peaceful way possible, Jack remembered Cas' words of wisdom about humans; how even though Sam and Dean, and now Cas, were extraordinary, brave and special as humans, that's what they were, human.

And even though they burn bright like stars in the sky, time would be short and one day they would be gone from the earth. Jack was just lucky that even when they died he would be able to see them again, in heaven, with everyone else they loved and missed.

Peace on Earth and peace above, who would have thought it could ever be like this?

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