jenanigans1207

[jenanigans1207]

Cas’s whole speech about how everyone Dean loves and cares about except him will be gone by the time Dean gives in to the Mark of Cain kills me. His whole thing about how he will have to be the one to watch Dean burn the world? It implies two things that I will need 6-8 weeks to recover from.

1. That he will still be at Dean’s side, no matter how many decades or centuries or millennia pass. It’s just such a casual thing, too, the way he says it. He’s so sure, so certain that there is no amount of time or event that could make it so he wouldn’t still be at Dean’s side.

2. He wouldn’t stop Dean from burning the world down. Just like he doesn’t lift a finger to stop Dean when Dean beats him and nearly kills him, he wouldn’t lift a finger then, either. There is literally no way to predict what could transpire between them in all those years and Cas is so goddamn sure that no matter what happens, he would just stand there and support Dean, no matter how misguided Dean is being.

And an honorable mention to how casually he states his knowledge of the fact that he’s important to Dean. Like he’s questioned it so many times but here he knows he’s one of the people Dean loves and cares about.

I’m so sick over this. I hate them so much this ruins my life. I need like 6 months of staring at the ceiling to even begin to cope with this. Forget touching grass, I need to gnaw on some glass or something.

#literally just kill me #it would hurt me less than making me finish watching this show #I’m so sick over them #so ill #completely fucked up #I hate it here so much #but also I never want to leave #destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

My favorite post I’ve ever seen in spn tumblr was something to the effect of:

If Dean Winchester isn’t in love with Castiel, the only other possibility is that Jensen Ackles wants to fuck Misha Collins so bad that it makes Dean Winchester look stupid.

And if you’re the one who made that post please know that I legitimately think about it at least once a day. I think it’s so funny. Every single time I see a jenmish/cockles post or edit, I think of it. Every time I even see their names together or just hear in passing that they did a panel together or something. I just. I think of it all the time. Thank you for it.

#I can’t tell you how much space that post occupies in my mind #it’s so much #and completely rent free #I think about it constantly #jenmish #cockles #destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

I saw someone say that Cas’s confession is unbelievable because Dean is a mass murderer and has anger issues, etc etc etc.

Here’s the thing this person doesn’t understand: Cas is a Dean apologist. And I know that because I am, too.

So he killed a bunch of people, he felt bad about it (mostly). He was doing the right thing (mostly). He has anger issues, yeah, but that’s John’s fault, not Dean’s. He can be toxic, okay, but it’s because he cares so much and doesn’t know how to deal with it.

Dean is flawed in a lot of ways but I love him and I forgive him for that. And so does Cas.

#destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural #for the record I am a Cas apologist and a Sam apologist too

[jenanigans1207]

How many times can destiel go canon or be confirmed by other cast and crew members before Jensen Ackles admits there’s something there?

#destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

I would say RIP Joe Alwyn but like, I don’t want to wish you any sort of peace. You don’t deserve it.

#ttdp #the tortured poets department #taylor swift

[jenanigans1207]

Can’t wait for all the absolutely devastating and heartwrenching destiel edits I’m going to see tomorrow to the new songs from TTDP

#ttdp #the tortured poets department #taylor swift #destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

Part 2 of the squares I have made so far for my castiel blanket!

12: an excerpt of the anti-tracking tattoo Cas gets when he’s human

13: an ode to The French Mistake and actual Misha Collins with my attempt at the twitter logo. Hola, Mishamigos!

14: “I’ll interrogate the cat.” Love him so much

15: a honeybee. I might redo it to make it smaller if I have time, might not because the point is to actually see the design and not a mostly blue square??

16: angel wings. Grey on tan like Cas’s trenchcoat as if they are on his back. I don’t ever want to attempt another pair of wings again, these might have been the worst one to date.

17: cowboy hats from that time Cas and Dean were cowboys :)

18: an ode to everything Cas learned from the pizza man

19: an interpretation of: “freedom is a length of rope, god wants you to hang yourself with it.” It’s a noose and I intended the words to label the noose, as if the words are the cause of death. But freedom was too long and I didn’t feel like it would appear as if it was labeling the noose, so I changed it to “free will” to fit better and still get the right vibe.

20: a calendar of the month of September with a star on Thursday, September 18th as an ode to the introduction of our beloved angel of Thursdays!

#cas #castiel blanket #Castiel #spn #supernatural #crochet #fandom

[jenanigans1207]

Long post is about to be long! But below the cut is all the squares I’ve made so far for my Castiel blanket and any explanations associated with them!

1 & 2: the bloody hand print and the hand print scar

3: Cas’s tie, on a white background for his dress shirt. If I have time to redo it before I meet Misha, I’ll probably redo it with a dark diamond at the bottom to make it look like the tie is backwards!

4: speech bubble saying “Hello, Dean” on a green background for Dean himself

5. Meant to be the scene of the falling stars/falling angels when the gates of heaven were locked and all the angels were kicked out

6: Sorry game piece from that time Cas was crazy! The game piece is green (Dean) and the word ‘sorry’ is written in the blue (Cas)

7: sunshine for the classic “mornin’ sunshine”

8: pb&j with grape jelly specifically :)

9: the angel vanishing sigil in red (blood) on tan (flesh) for that time Cas literally carved it into his chest/stomach

10: the sigil used to open purgatory in red (blood) on grey (stone wall)

11. Excerpt from the Angel tablet with the sigils in white to appear as if they’re glowing.

#Castiel #cas #castiel blanket #crochet #fandom #spn #supernatural #part 2 in another post

[jenanigans1207]

WHAT THEY TOOK FROM US

"The only thing I think we have left, Dean and me, is each other. If Dean says it's time to go out in a blaze of glory, win or lose, so be it. I'm in. But then ... (smiles at Dean) that's just how I roll."

[spn 5x4]

"A part of me always believed you'll come back."

[spn 7x17]

"I forgive you, Cas ... I love you."

[spn 8x17]

"That's where Dean spread your ashes. After we burned you."

[spn 13x6]

"I lost Cas and it damn near broke me..."

[spn 13x20]

"according to your plan, the world loses you, and me-- I-I lose you too, and that is unacceptable to me, Dean.”

[spn 14x12]

"But still beautiful. Still Dean Winchester."

[spn 15x20]

DELETED BUT NOT FORGOTTEN.

#I literally can’t express to you how much they ruin my life #like they erode away at my sanity and my will to live #but I love them so goddamn much #destiel #supernatural #spn

[jenanigans1207]

It’s true that, originally, Cas only rebelled in one universe. But it’s not true anymore.

The second that story was shown to us, countless amounts of Fanfiction, Fanart, and literally just thoughts, created new realities. The love Cas expressed was so powerful and beautiful that it inspired us to bring more universes into being.

Every time a fanfiction is written, Cas rebels again. Every time fanart is drawn, Cas loves again. Every time an idea is thought up, Cas feels again.

And maybe one day, those will outnumber the ones where he obeys, if it doesn’t already.

#this is actually the most beautiful thought #cas loved so fiercely that it not only changed the trajectory of his universe #but it broke him out of the mold in hundreds of thousands of other universes #he changed the trajectory for every future version of himself #genuinely that’s so sweet to think about #this makes me so happy #castiel #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

Jensen Ackles: there’s nothing going on between Dean and Cas, even though the fans like to think so. And I promise you, Misha and I don’t act it like that.

Jensen Ackles, as Dean Winchester, looking at Misha Collins as Castiel like that:

#all I’m saying is #either Dean is in love with Cas #or Jensen is in love with Misha #but there’s no other explanation for the absolute longing in these looks #destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

Cas: this is my human. He is harmless and I love him. He is good and righteous and he cares so much.

Someone: Cas, your human started the apocalypse.

Someone: Cas, your human has the mark of Cain and is murdering people

Someone: Cas, your human is a literal demon now and prowling around with the actual king of hell.

Cas: he is harmless and I love him.

#cas: Dean has no flaws #literally anyone: lists everything Dean has done #cas: did I stutter? #destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

#Castiel #Castiel blanket #crochet #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

Just imagine for me, if you will:

Cas has made his deal with the empty— a moment of true happiness and the empty will strike. He knows this, he’s known this since the deal was made, obviously. More importantly, he knows what it is that will give him true happiness, and it’s the man standing across from him staring at him with terrified green eyes. He knows what he must do, how he must save Dean. It isn’t how he planned to confess, but—

But—

But wait, Dean is talking. Why is Dean talking?

“Cas,” Dean is choking out, his voice unstable. “Fuck, Cas, this isn’t—“

“Dean—“ Cas glances at the door. They don’t have time for this, but Cas knows that this very possibly is the last thing he’ll ever hear Dean say. And Dean looks urgent, practically begging Cas to listen with the intensity of his gaze.

So Cas relents, just for a moment. He meets Dean’s gaze and it’s enough encouragement for Dean to continue.

“This isn’t how I planned to tell you— if I planned to tell you at all. Fuck, Cas, I always swear that I’m going to tell you next time. But we’re running out of next times, man, and I just— I can’t keep it in— I need to—“ Dean’s eyes are wild as he glances between Cas and every corner of the room, completely aware of the intensity of the situation and the weight of the words he’s trying to say.

“Dean,” Cas says just as urgently, stepping forward to draw Dean’s gaze to him. “Tell me what?”

Dean meets his eyes and for one single moment, the world slows to a stop around them. Cas can see the answer to that question in Dean’s eyes a moment before he says it out loud. He forgets, for just that second, that they’re standing on the precipice of death, that they don’t have the luxury of indulging in this. For just that second, Cas lets himself let out the breath he’s been holding for ten years.

“I love you.” Dean breathes, and he looks like he could sag in relief from finally speaking the words. “I love you so goddamn much and I have for so goddamn long and I couldn’t let either one of us die again without making sure you knew that.”

And oh, oh, Cas has never felt something like this— this blooming, all-consuming warmth. He’s never felt something so tangible unfurl in his chest, spreading out and filling up every corner of his being.

Cas has loved Dean for nearly every second they have known each other and now he knows that Dean loves him, too. That Dean wants him to know— needs him to know that he’s loved, no matter what happens.

Cas opens his mouth to respond—

And he sees the black bubbling along the wall behind Dean.

He should have known.

But how could he know that Dean would love him back? How could he anticipate that Dean would say the words to him that he had rarely said to anyone, in any capacity, in his entire life? Of course he knew Dean had the potential to be his ultimate happiness— or rather that his ultimate happiness was wrapped up in Dean in one way or another. Of course he knew this because everything he did, everything he wanted, everything he cared for or longed for— everything, all of it revolved around Dean.

But still, he never thought that Dean would say it first.

“Dean, I—“ Cas needs to say it back, is desperate to say it back, but the empty is headed directly to him and Dean is in its path.

Cas can’t think, can’t bear the idea of risking Dean for anything. He acts, shoving Dean out of the way as he empty sputters and gurgles, wrapping around him.

“Cas!” His name wrenches out of Dean’s throat in a way that’s painful to hear. Cas hates that it’s the last thing he’ll ever hear in Dean’s voice, hates that it has to be his final memory of the man who gave him everything.

The man who taught him to love, who gave him a place to belong. The man who helped him clean up his messes, who treated him as equal instead of other. The man who became the center of everything in Cas’s universe— every single thing that Cas cared about or was interested in stemmed from the same root named Dean Winchester and now Cas was leaving him behind.

I love you, too! He tries to shout as the empty drags him away. His last conscious thought is a desperate, unbridled hope that against all odds, Dean was able to hear him.

#i’m just saying #and then cas dies before he gets to tell dean how he feels #imagine how completely that would fuck dean up #all he knows is that he finally finally finally said i love you and it cost him cas #and he has to go on for the rest of time wondering what cas would’ve said #i’m so sorry for this #supernatural #spn #destiel #deancas #angst

[jenanigans1207]

My levels of insanity have peaked! Here, we have:

The angel banishing sigil (red on flesh tone for the time Cas literally carved it into his chest)

The symbol used to open purgatory (red on dark grey because of the blood used to draw the symbol on a stone wall)

And, of course, an excerpt of the Angel tablet (white on grey to look like the symbols are glowing against stone)

This blanket will be the death of me.

#Castiel #Castiel blanket #spn #supernatural #crochet

[jenanigans1207]

Genuinely think they had to kill Dean because there was no way to let him live without fully canonizing destiel.

You’re going to look me in the eye and tell me Dean Winchester lives with both Cas’s death and confession and does nothing about it? No. Dean would burn the world to the ground and personally turn over every stone in existence to find a way to bring Cas back. Dean would dedicate the rest of his life to it if he had to. If Dean survived, he wouldn’t get his apple pie ending unless he got Cas back. He wasn’t going to go out and find a wife, settle down and have kids, not after everything.

Like honest to god, I think an ending that would be more disingenuous to Dean would be to let him live and also give him an ambiguous, blurry-faced generic wife. I think they knew that Dean wouldn’t live on without Cas and since they didn’t intend to full send destiel, they had to kill Dean. It was their only remaining option.

#I’m so serious #like they wrote themselves into a corner #and their options were full send destiel or kill dean #and those were their only two options #and like yeah they basically wrote themselves into a corner every goddamn season with destiel #the entire existence of destiel is them writing themselves into a corner #but still #destiel #deancas #spn #supernatural

[jenanigans1207]

Obsessed with the fight between Sam and Demon!Dean where Dean repeatedly brings awareness to the fact that Sam will have to kill him if things don’t turn around and how he knows that Sam won’t be able to do it.

Obsessed with the fact that for those brief few minutes, Sam had to bear the same burden that Dean had to bear after John died. When John told Dean that he would have to kill Sam, when John ordered him to kill Sam if things came down to it. And even then, Dean knew he’d never be able to do it, and he struggled with it and it was something San never understood until this moment.

Obsessed with Sam finally being given a piece of understanding about his brother and the burdens he’s always had to bear quietly.

#dean winchester #sam winchester #supernatural #spn