#I’m asexual I don’t know what is wrong with me today

[spiralatic]

#SUGGESTIVE #suggestive warning #AHHHH SUGGESTIEVWNANRIING #AHHHHH #hi guys how are you #i’m normal about them #i would let him do unspeakable things to me #him like Michael or Jon?! why not both #okay sorry #I’m asexual I don’t know what is wrong with me today #tma #the magnus pod #the magnus archive fanart #the magnus archives #michael distortion #michael shelley #the magnus institute #doodle art #jonathan sims #jonmichael #digital art #digital artist

[jo-harrington]

Announcement - Boundaries

I’d written this towards the end of 2023 along with my personal resolutions but figured no one would want to see this especially considering no one wants dirty laundry aired on the dash but I’ve been unfollowing and blocking enough people now that I’m making this boundary known to all.

I identify as someone on the asexual spectrum, I’m not sex-averse but it takes a lot of emotional work and build up for me to get into right headspace.

For the past few months, i have worried more about being supportive of others/friends as much as I can when they write smut blurbs than I have about my own well-being. I try to superimpose the Eddies/characters who I've already built connections with in my head when a blurb is simply smut with no plot. And honestly this has been the first fandom l've been a part of that the fan creations are so skewed towards smut and not stories first. I could be wrong about previous experiences or might have be that good at curating my experience previously.

At the end of the day, this is the boundary I’m drawing NOW.

Because now I feel like I've pulled a muscle. What I come across most often are people (friends, mutuals, etc. doesn't matter) who write an Eddie that is incongruous to the one that exists in my head and my heart (WHICH IS THEIR RIGHT AS FIC WRITERS) and it's getting harder for me to stretch just a little further to connect the two. Which leads to me reading things I can't enjoy. Not because they aren't well-written, but because I simply can't.

And it’s not just smut.

This goes the same for Steve fics, just…broadly. I'm never gonna be a Steve girl; just gonna say it. I know I've been a little contradictory in previous reblogs, but that really speaks to the talent of the authors (they know who they are) who are creating stories that allow me to develop a connection with him.

In both instances though, you can't fit a square peg into a round hole. I can try....it just might not work.

So I’m going to be a lot more picky with my experience. I can’t do it anymore. I used to tag things “I don’t always read smut but when I do…” and I’m gonna be going back to that. Even for my own writing, which I’ve always written for the target audience—myself—I will be a lot more purposeful.

If someone’s been blocked or unfollowed, it’s always been my philosophy that my blog is my home. And I need to only let people in who won’t make a mess of it. And at this point the wallpaper is in pieces, the furniture is upside down, my windows are broken, and there is no knob on the door. I need to rebuild. And I’m starting today.

[honeyjars-sims]

2.26 Are You Satisfied?

[Lexie is outside studying by the pool. She’s staring at Cece, who is sunbathing. Johnny approaches her.]

Johnny: Hey, whatcha doing?

Lexie: Oh, nothing, I just zoned out. 

Johnny: What’s on your mind?

Lexie: Do you think we have a good sex life? Like are you satisfied?

Johnny: Wait, is this because of the conversation we had with our friends the other day?

Lexie: [nervously] Huh? What do you mean?

Johnny: Because I said I could see myself possibly being attracted to a guy. That doesn’t bother you or something, does it?

Lexie: Oh, no, I don’t care about that. It’s pretty obvious you’re attracted to me.

Johnny: Ok, so what made you bring up our sex life?

Lexie: Nothing, I was just feeling a little insecure. I think I’m going to walk over to Izzy and Kelsey’s. I told them I’d stop by today.

Johnny: Okay, I’m about to head over to my mom’s for her birthday party, so I guess I’ll see you later.

[Lexie walks to Izzy and Kelsey’s apartment]

Lexie: It’s just everything you were saying about compulsory heterosexuality aligned with how I’ve been feeling about Johnny. 

Kelsey: So you think you might be gay?

Lexie: I don’t know. Like, sex is okay, but I don’t feel what everyone else describes. I just feel empty, then I feel guilty for feeling empty because it seems to mean so much to him.

Izzy: Could you be asexual?

Lexie: I don’t think so. At first I thought maybe I could be. I’ve never really gotten butterflies around anyone...but then that changed.

Kelsey: I’m assuming it’s not Johnny you’re talking about.

Lexie: No. It’s so awful. I feel like the worst person in the world.

Izzy: Lexie, you can’t help the way you feel.

Kelsey: Yeah, you didn’t know. Who is it that you’re attracted to?

Lexie: That’s why it’s so horrible. It’s his sister, Cece.

Kelsey: Oh, Lexie. 

Lexie: I know. I couldn’t figure out why I hated her boyfriend or why I felt so hurt when she didn’t want to spend time with me. But I think it’s because I felt like she was choosing him over me. Which is silly because she’s straight, and I’m dating her brother.

Izzy: So what are you going to do?

Lexie: I feel like I should break up with him, but what if I’m wrong?

Kelsey: I know you care about Johnny, but do you think you could ever feel the same way about him that he does about you?

Lexie: Probably not. Ugh, this sucks! He’s going to be so heartbroken. The last thing I want to do is hurt him. He means so much to me.

Izzy: If he means so much, then I’m sure you want him to be with someone who can truly love him. He won’t get that chance if you keep stringing him along.

Lexie: [sighing] You’re right.

Kelsey: Look, I know this is a lot to process. You don’t have to do anything right now. Why don’t you come with us to a gay club this weekend? 

Izzy: Yeah, maybe being out in the community will help you feel less anxious about everything.

Lexie: I guess I can give it a try.

The next story post contains the following trigger warnings: C-PTSD, PTSD, child abuse. There is also a gif in the post. The post is tagged for the triggers and "gif warning." There is no graphic imaging in the post, but use your discretion if those topics are triggering to you.

Previous | Beginning of story | Beginning of chapter | Next

#ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #ts4 story #simblr #sims storytelling #sims story #simlit #stksafeharbor #safeharborstory #sh:lexie #sh:izzy #sh:kelsey #sh:chapter2

[elvisalltheway101]

Hi! My name is Jem. If it's possible, may I request a fluffy/clean version of bigdaddyelvislover's fanfic? I share the same sentiment as them, loving Elvis and his big, round tummy. I'm just a sex-repulsed Asexual person. Have a happy holiday season!

••••••••••••Flowers••••••••••••

Summary: You help Elvis pick out his suit for a fancy event you both are going. He gets a little doubtful and insecure, but that’s why you’re here. To make him feel better with love and care.

Author’s note: why, hi jem! I’m lexi obviously, and thank you so much for your request! I’m also so sorry that I don’t have ya know, “family friendly” fics for this man, so your request really opened my eyes. I’ll definitely start writing appropriate bits! I’ll even tag you in the big daddy e.p ones, if you’d like!

Author won’t shut up real quick: with that being said, I’m sorry again. I forget to accommodate everyone, so I’m sorry hun. Also, I’ll definitely try to mark up what’s pg and what’s not! I tend to forget-

warnings: Elvis feels a little insecure, kissing, swearing, use of “fat and forty” (literally broke my soul to write it out), and massaging/caressing. (I tried to keep it as appropriate. But if this is “too appropriate” or like you wanted it a different way, feel free to message me and I’ll write a completely new one!

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Elvis rarely let you in his closet like tonight. It’s not that he had secrets to keep or didn’t think you had such taste. It’s simply because he didn’t need anyone’s help. He had a god-given taste in everything he did, so you weren’t a tool he needed for dress up. But today, he felt generous…and a little down.

When you turn with two hangers of marvelous suits for him, you see his saddened lines on his forehead and a frown upon those lips. “What’s wrong, sugar?” You quip, putting down the clothes and walking over to him.

He turns to you with troubled blue eyes meeting yours, and his large, meaty frame that shadows over you. “Baby, it’s just…the press been saying that I’m fucking fat and forty…you think so?”

His eyes travel and scan over your face for your answer. You can only him and smile, reaching up with your dainty hand to gently cup his freshly shaven, smooth chin. “Hunny, I think you gained some muscle and meat. And there’s nothing wrong with that. It just makes you comfier to hug and sleep on.” You pull down his chin to make sure he looks you in the eye for his understanding.

Your hands slide down his squishy, soft cheeks that were decorated with those black and long sideburns that would tickle you always whenever you’d cuddle, to run over his shoulders.

Your small, delicate hands linger over his broad shoulder frame, traveling down to fancy themselves to his squishy and chubby arms that had meat for jiggling and worshipping.

He hums out and grumbles to himself, looking away as you continue your admiration. “B-but baby, t-they…the press, a-and mah fans. W-what am I gonna do?” You stop your works, pursing your plump pinks and tilting your chin up to see his face that contorts with worry.

If it wasn’t for the way he was feeling, you’d be blushing over his southern drawl that drips out of his damned lips, but you couldn’t blush like a school girl right now. It’s not like you were blaming him. It’s just, he had no reason to be insecure.

You huff and then plant your hands to his chest, sternly yet in a loving matter. “E, baby. Tell me, who’s putting his all into his career and never disappoints?” You raise a brow for the knowing answer.

“The press p-p-people-“ he begins to stammer out, but you don’t let him finish. You immediately prop up to your tip toes and press a warm kiss to his pillowy, soft marshmallow of lips. “No baby, not the damned press people.” You laugh softly out, and raise a hand to caress his left cheek, your thumb dragging to soothe his worries and insecurities over his cheek.

“I mean you, Elvis. Elvis Presley.” You smile and chirp, looking directly to meet his gaze and a gorgeous smile displays on his pink, moist lips.

“what’s got you so troubled anyway?” You hum out with furrowed brows and anxious eyes. He sighs and shrugs, looking off to the floor as his tinted glasses slip down his nose a little and you’re there to push the metal back up, while a pout plays against his lips again.

He huffs and his hands fly to tap his chest and tummy. “These fucking baggages that I carry and produce every day.” His hands shoot up to the air in frustration of yourself and you simply don’t understand.

He’s the most handsome and precious man of this world, and it breaks you almost that he has such thoughts of himself.

“Elvis, look, listen to me.” You say in a soft voice. You stand up on your toes as you pepper kisses along his clothed, thick shoulders. Loving and cherishing them as you should be. He watches, lips parted in awe as his eyes follow your sweet sweet lips.

“You’re the most gorgeous, handsome-est, prettiest, loveliest and beautifulliest man out here.” You whisper against his suited frame. You slowly unzip his blue kiddy jumpsuit that he wears today, just to move your lips over his chest.

He lets out a soft hum and whimper, watching with flushes scarlet cheeks. Your mouth doesn’t hesitate to linger over his chest that displays beautifully locks of dark, wiry and curly hair. You inhale the scent of his musky spicy sweat and sweet cologne, letting out a small moan.

“You’re prettier than the flowers that grow across the fields of green, you’re just and probably more beautiful than the sounds and drops of the sky’s cry of rain…you’re you.” You hum out in all honesty and love.

Your cheeks grazes over the plump skin that’s on his chest, his damp chest hair tickling your chin. Your hands move from h squeezing his arms lovingly, to cup those “tiddies” of his to help your lips over to sugar over his prodding and pretty belly.

Meanwhile, he watches with cheeks darker than scarlet and a grin that’s too adorable and could just crack his face.

You nuzzle your face into your tummy, then leaning back and licking your lips at the salty, tangy taste and scent of his sweat and manly fragrance. You smile and then quickly wrap your arms around him, as tight as you can. His prodding and bare chest that is smooshed against your clothed.

“you’re fair and forty.”

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Author’s note: I really do hope this was worht the wait! And I hope you enjoyed. If you’d like to be tagged, or others to any genre of writings and bits I write, feel free to ask. Also, requests and questions are open!

#big daddy elvis #bde #elvis presley #elvis imagine #elvisaaronpresley #elvis x y/n #enjoy! #elvis fanfic

[queer-reader-07]

the way crowley loves is so personal to me. as in, i relate to him deeply (in part) because of how he loves.

so in today’s “adrianne goes on for far too long in something that you could call a meta but is it really?” i give you: what i believe to be the main reason i didn’t see the romance angle for so long (aka until end of season 2)

background info: i consumed all of good omens (book & show) in the span of about 3 weeks in august. so i went through every emotion, all 5 stages of grief, and a heroes journey in a very short amount of time. it was a lot to say the least.

but the biggest emotional block i faced was figuring out what the fuck kind of love i thought aziraphale and crowley had and why all the romancey sexy stuff from the fandom rubbed me the wrong way at first.

when i read the book i was a staunch “they are platonically in love.” not once did i think they weren’t in love, i just didn’t think it was romantic. i knew it was queer (like. so SO queer) but i didn’t think they were a couple like that. they gave off queer besties who everyone kind of thinks are dating but they’d never do it because they don’t love each other in that way, despite loving each other a lot (*cough* self insert projecting much *cough*). i liked the idea of them being queer platonic.

and then i watched season 2 and i had a lot of Feels™️. i spent who knows how many hours texting my friend about how i didn’t want them to be romanced because i wanted them to be platonic not because i don’t like gay shit but because it just *felt right*.

it was a lot.

but post season 2 i’m here very much ok with and on board with the idea that they’re romantically in love (still on my “they’re asexual icons” high horse though).

and i think what my original feels boil down to is one thing: the way they loved each other looked and felt so much like the way i love my friends. it felt like labeling the love i have for my friends as romantic to say that aziracrow were romantic.

i saw crowley walking on hallowed ground to make sure aziraphale didn’t get discorporated and i saw him run into a burning bookshop and screaming out in anguished pain that his best and only friend was gone. i saw aziraphale give crowley holy water even though it could be a suicide pill. i saw all of it, i saw them do literally what ever it took to keep the other safe. and i thought to myself “well yeah. who wouldn’t do that for their best friend?”

seeing yourself in characters as deeply as i see myself in crowley (and in some ways aziraphale) is a beautiful thing but it brings with it a lot of difficult feelings.

i now know that aziraphale and crowley are in love in a romantic sense, i think that much is undeniable with the canon we have now. and i’m not just ok with it, i’m very much here for it. i love their love. i love that we have this story in the world. and i can’t wait to see what happens for them next.

but honestly? i would be just as happy with queer platonic aziraphale and crowley and if anyone has some cute fics for that plz let me know.

#my feelings for good omens have changed so much in so little time it’s kind of ridiculous #but i love being able to look back and understand where all those feelings came from #queer platonic aziracrow #aziracrow are so in love omg #aziracrow #ineffable husbands #good omens #good omens 2 #aziraphale #crowley #ineffable wives

[radicalrefrigerator]

Happy International Asexuality Day to all aces in the world! Unfortunately, I'm late, I woke up this morning and realized I'd missed it- which is sad, because the day means a lot to me. I've been thinking a lot today, though, and had some things I wanted to say. 

Don’t let anyone ever tell you, “You’re too young to know.” You’re not. I’ve known for years I was aroace, before I had the terms to explain it, before I’d come to terms with it. I first learned what asexuality was from a friend on discord. They explained the meaning of the labels, and that it could be me. For a whole other year, I still didn’t accept it. I continued to believe there was something wrong with me, I was still young, I hadn’t found the right person, etc. Yet, the whole time, I knew it at the back of my mind.

Now, it’s been 2 years since I spiralled in my thoughts so much I stayed awake the entire night, and by the time it was morning, I’d accepted I was aroace. A lot of people would probably tell me it’s not that deep, but at the time, it was really difficult for me to come to terms with. I’ve never come out to someone who wasn’t accepting- I came out to a few of my friends immediately once I’d realized, all of them queer, and they were nothing but proud of me. It’s been more of an internal journey for me. 

It’s been 2 years. When I realized I was aroace, I was 14. I’m still young, but I know myself better now. I’ve matured, and I’m old enough to know for sure now. I’m aroace, and that’s probably not going to change- it’s who I am, and I would know if I wasn’t. So whatever your age is- don't let anyone tell you asexuality isn't a real thing, that you're making it up, or that you're too young to know. I knew when I was 12, listening to my friends talk about their crushes, and just quietly giggling here and there when I felt like it was on cue, but never actually saying anything, because I didn’t know where to fit into the conversation. Even fictional crushes were absolutely foreign to me. I knew when I discovered the song “Mad at Disney” and would sing “What the hell is love supposed to feel like?” over and over. I still don’t. And that’s okay. 

I can’t relate to every aromantic or asexual experience I’ve read on the internet or heard from friends. A lot of my inner struggle comes from the fact that most of my life, I’ve wanted love. I never actively searched for it, but in my head, I romanticized it. The idea of dates, holding hands, kissing and sex all sounded really great to me on paper and in books and TV shows and fanfiction but when the idea actually started being presented to me I found myself dodging it subconsciously. I still feel like this a lot today- but aromanticism and asexuality alike are spectrums. Desiring romantic or sexual connection, or having certain levels of attraction for people, doesn’t erase who you are <3

#this doesn't feel like nearly enough said #but it's one tumblr post and I don't have a lot of time so here #today ive been deep and thought #and felt like saying something to the void (or any fellow aces out there) #international asexuality day #asexual #ace #aromantic #aromantic asexual #yippee!!

[theweirderstuffblogdontlook]

A short one shot fic about Bob’s disguise as Barbra.

Check it out under the readmore.

Alright, moment of truth. Time to see if all the practice and costume tweaking would pay off.

While the possession amulets were extremely handy for going out in public without anyone getting suspicious. 

Since when Bob hid inside her, he was totally hidden from the world. And when she was hidden in Bob, so long as no one saw them switch, their association with each other would be similarly hidden.

It had been getting increasingly clear that this "only one of them existing at a time" thing was not without its own inconveniences. 

In particular, feeding into Bobs cabin fever. 

Cabin fever makes him want to go out more. 

And going out more means more cannibal serial killing.

She doesn't have access to drugs or jail bars to hold him. Her capacity to protect people from him is painfully limited.

So she's been trying to get creative with the damage control.

So came the idea for Barbra.

And the disguise has been made, and the acting has been practiced. The backstory, hopefully memorized.

Now all that was left was a test run.

They parked the truck in front of a small, nowhere sort of bar. Place where there shouldn't be many people, generally a bit more rough and tumble group without super easy targets, and especially no kids that could get caught in the crossfire.

Though her mind and nerves were still buzzing with everything that could go wrong.

"Alright, tell me again the number one rule of this whole scheme."

Bob rolled his eyes from under his sunglasses, but was more amused at her stressing out than annoyed.

"Don't try huntin or hurtin people while playin Barbra."

"Right. If you act suspicious as Barbra, it puts both of us at risk, because people can use me to track down the house to catch us unawares. Then we're either in prison or on the run with no money. Or possibly dead if someone tracks us down who doesn't care to take you in alive."

They start walking towards the bar as she continues.

"So remember, you're Barbra Freeman, a butch lesbian truck driver, but you got in a car accident awhile ago, and had been recovering for a few months. You're wearing sunglasses even while indoors cus the accident left you with a light sensitivity. Just, smalltalk, and not being suspicious."

"Sugarcube, I spent years playin innocent with nobody suspecting a thing. I know how to play nice."

"Yeah and that was awhile ago and you're clearly years out of practice, because in all the time I've known you, you've just been a deeply weird and unsettling person.

Also you're in public in costume Barb, Use the Barbra voice, don't break character."

Already she was losing confidence in Bob's ability to follow the plan. Though Bob, if anything, seemed overconfident. He switches up his tone to a more feminine sounding one, snaking an arm over her shoulders and teasing.

"Right, I'm supposed to be your hot piece of arm candy today. Well, I wouldn't want to deprive ya of a bit of extra time alone with your girlfriend."

She had liked how he hadn't had any problem with disguising himself as a woman. After all it'd be a pretty big insult to write off your whole gender as something gross and embarrassing. Though him being a bit too into it is something her asexual antisocial ass doesn't really know what to do with. 

Least beyond getting embarrassed by it. Which in turn gets a chuckle out of Bob. 

They head in, and Bob confidently goes to take a seat at the bar, while she takes a moment to nervously scope the place out. There were a few people, not too crowded, not to empty. And they don't seem to be turning many heads.

Before going and taking a seat next to him.

Where Bob puts his arm back around her to mumbles in her ear.

"Loosen up honeymuffin, or you'll be the one making us look suspicious."

Yeah, he's right. They're supposed to at least be friends. Even in a relationship in order to explain away if Bob gets too affectionate. 

She tries taking a deep breath and calming down.

Just order something nonalcoholic and chill for awhile. Try to make some small talk. 

Despite how terrible she is at small talk in general.

Though Bob was already well aware of her not being the chatty sort. So he takes more the lead for talking with the bartender, and with her.

Though really that more ends up with him teasing her while she tries not to look too embarrassed.

At least Bob could do a pretty convincing imitation of a tough middle aged southern woman though. 

Still a relatively deep voice, but not so overt that it couldn't be passed off as "Barbra" having just being a big woman who used to smoke.

She had the feeling he'd gotten some first hand experience learning a number of nuances, and was probably doing an impression of female relatives or family friends or something from his past. 

Probably from where he'd gotten his own accent, but she didn't like to pry. 

And if she did, now wouldn't be the time for it.

Her head was still on a swivel, despite her attempts to keep it casual. It was hard not to be paranoid. Too many things that could go wrong. Bob was keeping up a conversation with the bartender, so might be a good time to stretch her legs a bit.

"I'll be right back, don't get too crazy without me Barb."

"Heh, you got it darlin."

She went to the back, and thankfully the women's bathroom was empty, so she took a moment to try and calm her nerves and catch her breath. 

It's one thing to be around Bob, worrying what he might do. But it was another to put on a cheerful facade on top of that, instead of being her usual irritable self.

She really didn't want to go back out there, and her mood is only worsened as she mentally scolds herself for her hesitancy.

It's unpleasant, but this is the better of her options. The longer she can keep Bob busy the less time he'll have for killing.

Come on.

Get back out there. 

You have to supervise the serial killer. This is your idea he's going along with. 

Just gotta have him keep his word. Shouldn't be that hard.

And even if it is, no amount of discomfort is worth an innocent persons life.

Suck it up.

She looked at her reflection in the mirror and tried smiling. It didn't last long before her face quickly sunk 

"Uggh, this is what I get for not putting any effort in with those customer service jobs when I had the chance."

Maybe she can still keep attention away from Bob and not clue people in that she's basically a hostage, while still acting like a miserable unpleasant person who'd rather eat gravel than chit-chat about the weather or the news or some shit.

She leaves the bathroom. 

“!!!!” Shit!! Someone's gone to sit with Bob! Looks like some kind of biker guy, on the big and tall side, kinda weathered looking. The kind of guy who could probably take care of himself. Her panic spikes nonetheless. 

Ok, calm down, he's out in public, he's gonna talk to some people. It's expected. Doesn't mean the worst is gonna happen yet. 

Sure he can always just overpower her if he decides to change his mind and not go along with the plan. But that hasn't happened yet.

She goes to sit down at the bar, on the other side of Bob, not interrupting his conversation with the biker guy. Just quietly listening. Supervising.

And…. Dang this dude really is just outright flirting with Bob. Guy must be into large women. 

And Bobs rolling with it. Just liking the attention and teasing the biker guy back.

Well, it's better than Bob getting offended, and he's having fun with it, so this is probably fine so long as it doesn't go anywhere. 

And she expects that this is a pretty solid bit of evidence that the Barbra disguise is working. So guess the experiment is a success. They could probably be seen in more crowded locations without people recognizing Bob.

Get him out wasting time doing random stuff so he's too busy to stalk victims.

Uggh, this means she'll have to get out of the house more to do random stuff too and - HOLY SHIT BIKER GUY JUST ASKED BOB OUT.

She'll have to mourn the loss of her weird hermit life later, because NO WAY IS SHE LETTING BOB TAKE THIS GUY TO NO SECONDARY LOCATION!!!!

Shit! How the heck is she supposed to play this off??? Uuuuuuuggghhhh this is gonna be so embarrassing. 

She puts on a pissed off face and threatens.

"Excuse me pal, that's my girlfriend you're hitting on, and believe fucking me, this…"

She gestures up and down at Bob.

"This lady right here is a lot more than you're prepared to deal with. Come on Barbra."

She grabs Bob by the hand and starts tugging him towards the door, to which Bob smiles and lets himself be led out, while the biker guy just looks kinda flabbergasted at what just happened as they quickly leave the bar.

She walks for a moment, heading towards the truck, still holding onto Bobs hand. 

Before Bob interrupts her anxious mood, saying in his normal voice, though with an additional low suggestive tone layered on, rather than his Barbra affect.

"Yuh know, I think I like you gettin jealous over me for a change."

Her face goes red. And she lets go of Bobs hand.

"Shut up Barb, it's not jealousy and you know it. I just didn’t want you hurting that man."

Bob grabs her hand again to pull her into a hug.

"Fightin over me for other reasons ain't half bad either."

#bob velseb #spooky month #inner demon #Possession #yandere

[theacecouple]

You all asked for more Dead Bedrooms, so Happy Holidays! You get more Dead Bedrooms.

You can also listen on Apple, Spotify, Our Website, or pretty much any podcast platform! Transcript below :)

Courtney: Hello everyone and welcome back. My name is Courtney, I am here with my spouse, Royce, and together we are The Ace Couple. And today we’ve got a little expedited treat for you all because, whoo boy, last week’s episode was– Uh, I wouldn’t say it was fun, but I assume at least some percentage of you got some amount of, perhaps, catharsis out of it. Perhaps we accidentally had a little bit of catharsis ourselves. But I don’t ever want to be that angry on microphone again, at least not directed at a specific person. I prefer to reserve my anger for systemic issues, for broad injustices, but I don’t ever want to be angry at one dude on microphone to that extent, ever again I’m not promising I never will be, because some dudes deserve it.

Courtney: But what that does mean for us today is that we are delving back into r/DeadBedrooms. So on this channel, once about every six months, we have been doing an r/AmItheAsshole: Asexuality Edition, and you all really, really love those. We know it, we hear it, we get your comments and your praises. But just– just a few weeks ago, we– we decided to jump into Dead Bedrooms for the very first time and you all absolutely loved it, and begged us for more. So here we are. It has not quite been six months, but I think we are gonna start putting Dead Bedrooms in our rotation and you’re getting one a little early. A little– a little holiday treat from us to you. Just don’t expect Reddit episodes to usually come this often. [sighs] So, what– What did we learn from the first time we dove into Dead Bedrooms? What was the takeaway? What was the point?

Royce: The point? I think the first part of that episode was laying out the pattern of a lot of the posts that we were seeing, [Courtney hums] which included–

Courtney: The lingo. [laughs]

Royce: Yes, the terms used, the fact that things like low libido and high libido were mentioned right in, along with gender identity and sexual orientation. And, of course, that the entire subreddit is dealing with relationship issues that revolve around a lack of sex or sexual fulfillment in a relationship.

Courtney: [hums in agreement] And a general pattern we saw was that not very favorable toward asexuality. Some posts were a little better than others, but the– the general vibe is not– not very accommodating of aces. And truly just a lot of ignorance about what asexuality actually is. I recall in our first episode actually prefacing things with, like, we in our community, we at our podcast, we as aces, know that things like asexuality and libido do not always go hand in hand, but it’s clear, by the way some of the folks here are talking about it, that when they say asexual they also mean low libido, they also mean probably sex averse in some way. So we’re going to, again, try to not nitpick language too much, because we have been down that road time and time again. If you’re a regular listener of ours, you know where we stand on that. So we’re gonna try to listen to what they mean as opposed to what they say, [breathy laugh] to the best of our ability.

Courtney: But before we get into some of our posts that we have that actually mention asexuality, there is one abbreviation that has just been bothering me ever since we did that first episode, and that is LL4u, or ‘low libido for you’. And this is something that folks use in this subreddit to say, “Oh, you know, my partner who is no longer having sex with me – and this is a major issue – isn’t low libido, just low libido for me.” I don’t even know how to articulate it, but there’s something about that just being a concept, that this is a shorthand that is known in this subreddit, in this community, that is used so often that just– it feels so wrong! There’s something fundamentally about it that my brain does not want to accept is a thing in the way that they are using it.

Royce: Well, at the very least, libido seems like the wrong word to use to describe what they’re trying to describe.

Courtney: It really does! Like perhaps there’s an amount of attraction here, like maybe– And this could be a thing where they are just across the board, consistently conflating libido with attraction. But if someone is low libido for you it’s like– I don’t think physiologically speaking…? And I don’t know, any– any high libido aces out there feel free to correct me, I am not that. I don’t have one, never have, never want one. I don’t think physiologically that your level of libido actually changes based on prospective sexual partners. At least that’s not the way I understand libido as a concept. Like you might not be attracted to individual people or you might have more attraction for one person versus another, or one gender versus another, like all the things that someone may or may not be attracted to, like there are factors at play here. But, like, chemically speaking, can your libido just plummet upon seeing a specific person? Does that happen that way? Please advise. [laughs]

Royce: That’s not how I define or use the term. Libido can change, it’s particularly one thing that’s cited as changing alongside hormonal changes.

Courtney: Sure.

Royce: But yeah, I see that as a much more chemical or biological thing than attraction. And oftentimes when libido comes up in the ace community, it is mentioned completely as an aside to the concept of attraction.

Courtney: Oh yeah, I know plenty of aces who are like, “I do have a libido, and honestly it’s frustrating because I’m not attracted to anyone. So what do I need this for?” [laughs] Or they’ll say you know, “I have a libido but I just don’t have a desire to sate that libido by involving another person. Like, masturbation is totally an acceptable option to me, 100% of the time.” Like there are aces like that out there, no doubt. But before we get into these posts, I had to google it assuming that I would– the first response would be from the subreddit and it was. But I genuinely just googled, “What is LL4u?” And I did. I found a post from about a year ago from a deleted user called “What is LL4u really?” And I was like, “Maybe this will give me insight.”

Courtney: But here’s what’s so interesting: they use a food metaphor – right? – in the post. The post is: [reading] “Is it really a case of getting sick of eating the same thing everyday. I mean I love Spaghetti Bolognese but if I had to have it every evening meal, it would probably lose some of its luster. Would it help some LL4u people if they had the occasional take out? Just a thought.” And here’s what’s so fascinating to me. We in the ace community, like we are the kings and the queens and the non-binary nobilities of food metaphors. We have taken “Cake is better than sex” and we ran with it. Cake is our biggest community symbol. Out there, the folks that don’t have as much of a sweet tooth have more recently adopted garlic bread. Like we use food so often, and we even use food as metaphors to explain things like sex neutrality. Like, “I don’t crave cake, I don’t want cake, but if someone put it in front of me I probably would even enjoy the cake. I’m just not gonna seek it out because I don’t have that desire, I don’t have that craving.” So we have so many ways that we have used food metaphors in our community. And so I see the food metaphor and I understand where it comes from in that sense.

Courtney: But the fascinating thing is, here, like, I don’t know if this is a cheating situation or if this is an agreed upon open relationship kind of a situation. Obviously one is more ethical than the other. But in my first several posts seeing this LL4u, it usually wasn’t about people who were cheaters or people who were thought to be or known to be cheaters. For the most part, it was just: you want to have sex with your partner and your partner no longer wants to have sex with you, and you’re trying to figure out what’s wrong, like have they lost their libido? Do they have a hormone issue? Are they asexual? And then a bunch of people in the comments would just be, “No, they’re probably just LL4u.” And it’s like, I kept seeing that as the justification for these reasons why a bedroom was now dead. And that LL4u is just grinding on me, because the implication was also that this bedroom hasn’t always been dead.

Courtney: At one point activities were happening. And if there’s some sort of drastic change, I don’t think your libido has only changed for that one person. So I’m struggling with the food metaphor here. But since it was posted, I wanted to see what some of the responses were and if people agreed with it, because I am clearly not a member of the Dead Bedrooms community, so I am trying to learn from those who are, and the first comment says: “That’s not logical thinking at all. I’m low libido because something about this partner relationship is killing my sex drive. So if I go sample a different partner, I’m going to learn that sex doesn’t have to be awful, boring, painful, entitled, and then I’m going back to the bad sex partner? That makes no sense.” So in this case, I still don’t think it’s low libido. I think you’re just not getting what you want, what you need, from this arrangement. But I don’t think that’s changing your libido.

Royce: The awful, boring, painful, entitled part is a whole bunch of red flags that there’s something else going on here.

Courtney: Well, especially the painful, entitled. Like, is this an abusive situation here? And you just haven’t found that word or connected that dot yet? Because from my understanding, sex should be neither of those things. Boring’s one I hear a lot. I don’t know what just awful sex is. I’m sure there are allos out there who could explain to me exactly what awful sex is. But if it’s not painful or entitled or boring like, what generally might make it awful? How’s that a different modifier than the others?

Courtney: Another comment says: “I think most people who are LL4u are in that phase because of other factors within the relationship, e.g. bad sex, loss of respect, poor emotional dynamic, loss of attraction etc.” Which still doesn’t sound like low libido to me, but does make more sense to me. One commenter said: “It’s often said that sex with the same person gets boring after a while and becomes routine. So the recommendation is to spice things up. However, if you have a partner who thinks anything other than plain vanilla is not acceptable, then things can only go downhill. Yes, I speak from experience.” That’s it– That’s another thing that just gets me so much about this subreddit was– Some of the previous posts that we saw and some of the previous comments that we saw there are just so many deeply hurt people here. [tentative laugh] And I don’t want to laugh at their actual hurt, I really do not. But at least some of the juicier, more heated posts definitely seem like just a lot of very sexually frustrated people expressing their frustration at each other.

Royce: Yeah, I definitely see a different vibe going back and forth between different threads. Some are just overtly hurt and angry, others are trying to have a more nuanced discussion. I was about to say I’m surprised at how many people who comment self identify as asexual, but here we are reading this as well, so.

Courtney: Yeah, I mean we had a poster in the last episode who is asexual and was posting for their own concerns. But here’s one that gets so much wilder when we consider what common ace theory is, or a common ace worldview. Because this poster says: “If you ask me, it means that your significant other is actually not romantically in love with you anymore. Plain and simple.” And someone challenged him a little bit, not in a mean way, but in, like, an asking a lot of questions kind of way, saying like, “Is sexual desire and romantic love one to one, synonymous to you?” Because that was my question too.

Courtney: Because we talk very often in the A-spec community about how romantic and sexual attraction are not always the same. They don’t always line up. And I so rarely see allosexual people acknowledge that, or believe that that is a possibility. In fact, there are a lot of allosexual, alloromantic people who have direct animosity at the very notion that they could be different. Especially in instances of, like, aromantic people who are allosexual. Like the stereotype for them is that, oh, they are just players, they are a fuckboy, they don’t respect the people they’re having sex with. And just horrible, awful stereotypes which, as long as everyone’s clear about what the nature of this relationship is and expectations have been set and there’s communication, there’s nothing wrong with that. But just the very possibility that you might have sex with someone you aren’t romantically attracted to is met with so much animosity. And this could be its own three hour episode, so I won’t get into it. We’ll save that for our split attraction model series that I’ve been saying for so long that we need to do, but we need to do it right.

Courtney: But the original commenter here specifies: “To be more specific, I believe someone can be LL – low libido – due to whatever reason, like asexuality, trauma, hormones etc.” I super don’t love that. Those three were the things that were all just, like, put together like that. [resumes reading] “But they can be low libido for any of those reasons and romantically in love with their significant other. But being low libido for you means that someone is sexually interested in general but not in their partner. And yes, to me that clearly proves that they are not romantically in love.” And it ends that thought with: “Because for someone who isn’t low libido in general, romantic love contains being sexually attracted to someone. It’s not synonymous, but one is the subset of the other.” So that’s kind of like saying for the most part, only asexual people have split attraction, or only people who are otherwise, you know, messed up. If you have a medical issue or trauma or you’re ace, then maybe your attraction can be split, but otherwise nah.

Royce: Yeah, the human condition is just more fluid than that. I think that in a lot of relationships, even ones that don’t get to the dead bedroom state, that romance and sexual activity or attraction will often fluctuate just as you go through life changes to some degree. How much content is there on allo relationships who are going through a slump for some period of time?

Courtney: I mean that’s basically the running joke in like every sitcom from the 90s or earlier, right? So yeah, I mean, I don’t know that one was just bothering me so much that I had to try to understand that one more. So I still reject the idea that this is literally about libido. But I at least think I have a little bit of a clear idea of “this is someone who has a libido but does not want to have sex with their partner, and maybe it’s their partner’s fault,” probably on a case to case basis there.

Royce: Okay, so this post is titled: “My fiance just realized he was asexual today.”

Courtney: Just today? Spontaneously?

Royce: I don’t know how spontaneously, but apparently the first thing to do after hearing of that is to make a post to dead bedrooms.

Courtney: Yikes. Yeah, if it was literally just today and you’ve now gone off to make a post here, I feel like…

Royce: We’ll see. I haven’t– I haven’t read this one, so I don’t know how much animosity is going to be in this post, but it is tagged ‘seeking advice’.

Courtney: Okay, I don’t know if this is the best place to get advice. I would strongly advise anybody who has a significant other who comes out as asexual to first have extensive conversations and do what you can to try to support them through that. But then maybe, maybe seek counsel from aces and not a community that is often hostile to them. But we’ll see. I will reserve judgment until we see what the post and responses are.

Royce: [reading] “Hi, I’m new, and I’m sorry if this isn’t coherent- my mind is a spinny blur, and I just feel small, helpless, and isolated. I (37f demisexual, high libido) had a conversation with my fiancé (42m very low libido)–”

Courtney: So this is a demi also. So at least knows some amount of the A-spectrum. Fascinating.

Royce: Most likely yes. [resumes reading] “– today about how sex has just not been working for me lately- and how I’d like to try to work through it together. We’ve been together for nine years, and aside from sexually, we are very happy and committed to each other.” That is a running theme on a lot of these posts: we are happy except for the sex part.

Courtney: And the sex part is emphasized so heavily that I fundamentally cannot understand it.

Royce: [keeps reading] “Own a house together, have shared friends and interests- the sticking point is sex.

Royce: Through the course of things he said “well, I just never have any interest in sex. So I don’t know what to do.” – That part was in quotes – “And I don’t know, the inflection of the way he said it just made me like, have an epiphany? So I asked if he meant never, as in literally never in his life, like an asexual person, or never as in, he’s been stressed and/or not confident in his body? And he gave me a blank face and said he didn’t know. He doesn’t know anything about asexual people. But he’s been waiting for sex to “click” and make sense this whole time.” Which– that is interesting, if they are just having this question and epiphany now, nine years into the relationship.

Courtney: And if she’s demisexual, and he’s saying he doesn’t know anything about asexuality, does he know she’s demi??

Royce: Let’s keep going. Op continues with: [resumes reading] “You guys. I’m communicative as anything. If he’s asexual, that is what it is, and we’ll try to figure out what that means. But like. How did he never make that– How did he never make clear that his low libido was absolute sexual disinterest? He loves cuddling and kissing- but nothing else really- and he’s known this the entire fucking time. I had no idea. Honestly I thought his low libido was caused by the medication he’s on. He’s acted quite convincingly that he enjoyed things. And I feel defrauded, and lied to.”

Royce: [still reading] “Here I was thinking that my life was pretty great- we just needed to get on the same page with our sexual preferences/kinks/desires- and agree on the level of frequency- and we’d be the happiest people we know. We’re going to keep talking about it, so hopefully it’s not actually a relationship ending thing, but my head hurts from crying. I feel rejected and robbed of the life I was led to believe I’d have. I’m confused and can’t talk to any friends about it yet because I don’t want to out him. I’m scared that I’m never going to get to enjoy my body with someone else without imploding my stable, secure, otherwise happy life. We’re supposed to be getting married in six months. Just, any help, please. Therapists or counselors online or in” – the area of the country that they’re in – “articles, other corners of Reddit where this would get guidance, tea and sympathy, anything. Thank you so much.”

Courtney: I gotta say I cringed at the defrauded word.

Royce: Yeah.

Courtney: Oh I– Ugh. We did our episode on marriage consummation laws, and fraud as a justifiable reason to annul a marriage and the precedence that asexuality could play into that... I don’t love that word. I really, really do not. I also feel like I need more information, because part of that, “I feel defrauded and cheated and lied to,” was like he seemed to be enjoying some of the things and it’s like, maybe he was?

Courtney: I don’t know, maybe he hasn’t been and that was explicitly stated, but maybe it was just because this was posted in such a haze of emotion and maybe it was just done very quickly and sloppily, but there are elements of this here where I’m like, yes, you are a demisexual person, but are you in community with a lot of other aces and demis?

Courtney: Because you, as the poster, seem to be either missing details or missing nuances of the orientation itself. And I don’t know, is it– Is it unfair to be like, how could he not know this? Why did it take him so long to realize this? Like– So, I personally have met people who did not come out as asexual until they were over 70 years old. Because they did not have the language for it. They met me, they saw me talk about asexuality, we developed a friendship, and then they confided in me that they are, in fact, asexual. And the things I was sharing were things they felt their entire life. But they– it was indistinguishable from, you know, heterosexual or homosexual, because they just didn’t know there was a word or an option for something other than those two.

Courtney: And so, like, is it really unfair, to be like, “I’ve been with this person for nine years. How did they not know?!” Because everyone’s on their own timeline, you know?

Royce: And a lot of times you have to get to a point where you see a very direct contradiction or comparison to something that you feel very personally and intimately, and it’s not that difficult to go a long time not – you know – encountering that information or having those conversations. The thing that stood out, in comparison to that, most to me was the OP mentioning how communicative they are. Because, yeah, they may talk a lot, but apparently they haven’t had this conversation, at least in extreme detail, until this point in their relationship, which can happen.

Courtney: It can. It’s– Was there anything in there? Did I just miss it? Was there anything that actually said that he does not want to have sex anymore? Because I feel like I didn’t get that. Did he actually say or imply that at any point? Because the way it’s posted, the way she’s talking, is like, “We were supposed to get married, but now my whole future, I’m grieving for it because it’s not going to be what I thought.” But they seem to, at least on occasion, be having sex now. So is he actually saying he wants to stop doing that? Or is this a situation where OP might actually be grieving the feeling of being desired as opposed to the actual act of sex? Because those are two different things in my experience.

Royce: I think that’s a reasonable impression. One quote from him was, “Well, I just never have any interest in sex, so I don’t know what to do,” which I think it’s reasonable to say that the implication of that is that he is not initiating anything. And she mentions that there have been times when he’s said or at least acted like he’s enjoyed things, and that they just aren’t on the same page about their preferences, kinks and desires, so. And the level of frequency is another one that’s brought up. She self-identifies as having a high libido, compared to his at the very least, which she says is very low, so it could be that the relationship that she wants isn’t one where she is having to initiate things. That’s possible, it’s not explicitly stated.

Courtney: Because that’s something that I know I have had in past relationships and other aces have had in past relationships. Where even if there’s a situation where an asexual person is in a mixed orientation relationship with an allo person, and the allosexual person does want sexual activities, and even if the ace is okay with that, to varying degrees – whether they’re sex favorable, sex neutral, whatever that is – there are some instances where that is still not enough for the allo person. Because I have seen allos react with outright hostility to aces, not because they won’t have sex with them, but because they don’t want sex with them or they don’t want it enough, or they don’t feel attracted, or they don’t feel– they don’t feel attractive, they don’t feel desired. And I really struggle to view that in any way other than some form of potentially insecurity. Potentially we can chalk it up to something else. But I genuinely do not think that if that is a tension in the relationship where sex can be negotiated, it can be enjoyed, but the allo person is upset that the ace isn’t actually attracted to them, the ace is not going to change. That is not something that can be changed.

Courtney: So if that is going to be an issue for the allo person, that is something that they need to work on. And they need to figure out why this is such an issue and why they feel this way, and if this is coming from insecurity, if it’s coming from any of these other things.

Courtney: I was a little caught off guard when OP here was like, “Oh, is it because of your body? Are you insecure?” It’s like– I don’t want to imply that in the situation I’m describing that all allos are, like, insecure in their own bodies, but I know from personal past relationships– I have had previous partners who are like, “Why aren’t you more attracted to me?” And it’s like, “I am literally as attracted to you as I could be to any other human that exists.” And they’re like, “But I want to be uniquely attractive to you!” And it’s like, you are! You’re the one I’m in a relationship with right now. I don’t know what more you want from me.

Royce: Yeah, I read that passage as OP just sort of grasping at straws to come up with a reason for their partner’s – what they describe as – low libido.

Courtney: Which is fascinating, because if OP did not self-identify as demisexual, if a like fully allo person was saying this, I would probably say that’s a little acephobic, like why are you trying to find the reason for this? Some people just are this way.

Royce: And I think that was coming– I think at that point, when she was going through this, she was operating under the assumption that her partner was allo, and this is where it clicked of “Wait, you mean like ever?” Like, this isn’t a temporal thing.

Courtney: Right, right. So yeah, I don’t know, this is interesting. This is why I have said before that I try not to be the advice giving type, especially like unsolicited advice. And clearly OP here is asking for advice. But I never feel comfortable giving advice unless it’s someone I know very well or I know their situation very, very well. And probably if there can be a conversation about it, because look at how many questions I am asking OP that I’m never going to get an answer to. Like, I would need to have a full on conversation with someone if they were seeking my counsel, because I need more information in order to give more information.

Royce: Well, look at how many conversations have come up for the two of them just now that I’ve prompted this post. It sounds like the two of them need to have a much more in depth conversation, but I was holding onto something. Let me go back to one of the last points that you made.

Royce: You were talking about an issue that comes up oftentimes in ace-allo relationships within the– The problem that arises from a need to feel desired or something of that nature. And I don’t think it is off-base in saying that that can often manifest in very significant feelings of insecurity. But I do think that there is also some amount of– If I use the word sexual orientation, I’m kind of stretching that term a little bit. I’m having trouble finding the right word, but the way that a person’s sexuality manifests – which would include their kinks and things like that – if someone is, you know, I guess, more submissively aligned and a big part of what they get out of sex is that feeling of being wanted or desired, that could be a big part of what sex is for them and it could represent an incompatibility of some kind. It’s something that could potentially be talked through, worked around, you could potentially find an angle for. But I could also see some people saying that like this is– this is something I actually need to feel satisfied in that area of my life.

Courtney: But what I want to know is how does one reconcile it with all of these posts? Because we’ve seen the pattern of like, “We are the happiest people in the world except for sex.” And it’s like–

Royce: I mean, I mean my knee jerk reaction is that that is an overstatement.

Courtney: [Thoughtful sound] So you’re just going to say that, huh? You’re just going to say what we’re all thinking, just– just like that. [laughs]

Royce: One of the things we’ve mentioned before is – that we see a lot in relationships – a lot of things get piled on to sex as the one thing that is going to make or break a relationship. And sometimes that is done in a way that I don’t think appropriately, like, summarizes the relationship as a whole. [Courtney agrees] Like, if you have so many things going on in your life that you don’t have time to spend with each other doing, like, meaningful activities, then sex becomes that activity. If you aren’t getting affection in other ways, then sex becomes the way that you’re getting affection. And it’s– A lot gets piled onto it, and that’s how you end up with, you know, entire industries of sex counseling as a form of relationship counseling, [Courtney agrees and laughs] when there might be other avenues to figuring out what’s going on.

Courtney: Yeah, I do think, just because what you were saying with sex sort of being the all-encompassing thing, that could also be a need that could theoretically be met another way. You mentioned affection, like well, if sex is the way you’re receiving that affection – and I know not every couple’s like this, this is definitely just a personal anecdote of mine – but like, I am incredibly romantic for someone who is actually identifying as demiromantic, on the on the aro spectrum. My gestures and gifts– I have always been a very, very romantic person. And I would put a lot of time and thought into– into these acts of romance. And I always wanted to make sure that my partner felt desired. And in fact you’ve made that very difficult for me, Royce, because you don’t like things. [laughs] I was like, “Let me get you gifts!” And you’re like, “No, absolutely not, I refuse.”

Courtney: But like in past relationships, like that was a thing I would do and then to, then, have a partner be like, “But I feel like you just don’t, you don’t desire me enough.” and it’s like– [sighs] I’m sorry it is not in– in the way that you want it, and I am sorry that this is all coming from an incredibly low self-esteem and a poor body image that you have of yourself, but I genuinely– I cannot develop sexual attraction for you. That is not how I am wired. It is not going to happen. So I fully understand that I’m reading this under my own lens there. But yeah, interesting post.

Courtney: But what are some of the comments? I guess also to your point of it being perhaps overstated that sex is our only issue. We’ve absolutely had friends in the past that would claim to have a really good relationship, really healthy, their relationship is almost perfect, but then we’d also get together to hang out and they’d talk about how they had a screaming match earlier in the day. And we were like, “Oh, that’s a thing you do?” [laughs]

Royce: Yeah, they just casually throw out something toxic, as if everyone does it.

Courtney: Yes! This is why we aren’t friends with straight people anymore. [laughs] I don’t think we have a single straight friend anymore. At least not a straight couple. We might have one or two individual straight people that are cool.

Royce: If, instead of saying straight, you say like heteronormative or non-queer.

Courtney: Yeah.

Royce: Like there might be people with gender identities that don’t fit into the binary who might still describe themselves as hetero, just out of habit or because they don’t have a better word.

Courtney: Right. We don’t have any non-queer couple friends anymore. [laughs] Because they do really just be out here throwing out very toxic things and being like, “We have a great marriage, we have a wonderful relationship.” And we’re like, “Mm?”

Royce: So the comments here. This post doesn’t have a ton of them. There are a few back and forth. Some are like: postpone the marriage, figure this out first. There’s one that was like: “Blessing in disguise. Don’t marry into a dead bedroom, go elsewhere.”

Courtney: No! Are you kidding me?!

Royce: There are a couple of posts being like, “You’re looking for other places. Go check out asexuality subreddits and see what you can learn there.”

Courtney: Yeah. Yes, I’m actually glad that that was a bit of advice that was pointed out. I’m pleasantly surprised. Less so with the blessing in disguise. Give me a break! That is what I have come to expect from this subreddit, though.

Royce: And from what I can tell, OP seems to be going through and responding to a lot of posts and just trying to take it all in. She does say at one point, “Someone mentions that it sounds like he genuinely didn’t know and could be just in the questioning phase of understanding himself.”

Courtney: That’s what I was wondering, like, was it mean to be like, “How did he not know?”

Royce: And she does say, “I agree that’s the best outlook to take right now. And yes, he’s been doing a lot of introspection in the last year or so. He’s just not terribly fluent or practiced in doing so yet.”

Courtney: Yeah, like I said before, we’re all on our own timelines. I hope they’re doing okay. We need a– We need a “Where are they now?” for Reddit posts.

Royce: This post was three months ago, by the way.

Courtney: Oh man, so we’re one month to the wedding, unless it got postponed?

Royce: Halfway there, it was six months out.

Courtney: Six months. Okay, I don’t know why I had four in my head.

Courtney: So this one. We gave up on r/AreTheStraightsOkay, because there were so many just like very visual memes that were just not good for a podcast format. But I did find one post on Dead Bedrooms. That was just a meme, but some of the comments just absolutely have me face-palming.

Courtney: It’s entitled, “Sex really isn’t that important in a relationship,” and it’s a picture of a couple – I don’t know what this is from – appears to be a man and a woman. The woman is saying, “Sex really isn’t that important in a relationship, to be honest.” And then a close-up of the man’s face, and the commentary is: “I’ve never seen a bigger cry for help in a man’s eyes.” And we’ll have a link to this in the show notes if you want to actually see what the picture is. But oh, my word. Some of the comments: [exaggerated voice] “But suddenly becomes the most important thing in life the moment that guy sleeps with anyone else!” And the same person said, “Sex is like money. Money is not everything, not having money is. Same with sex. Sex is not everything, not having it is.” As someone who is a no libido, borderline sex-repulsed asexual who has been in severe poverty for large swaths of my life, and no longer is: absolutely fuck that analogy.

Courtney: Then we had a really unfortunate sort of just conversation back and forth in the comments where someone says, “But it’s true… if you are asexual, I guess.” And someone comes in and tries to do the Ace 101 kind of a thing. Saying like, “This is actually a common misconception. There are asexual people who have sexual desires. There are also sexual people without sexual desires. Asexual people find no one hot. If you’re wondering why a person would have sex with someone they don’t find hot, most people who have sex with their hand don’t find their hand hot.” And some– some– some jerk was pulling quotes like, “There are asexual people who have sexual desires,” saying, “By definition not asexual.” Which isn’t true, we know that. But someone comes in and tries to say, “Asexuality is considered to be a sexuality wherein one doesn’t experience sexual attraction. Asexual people can get horny and enjoy sex, but they won’t be sexually attracted to their partners or be turned on by their bodies, pleasing them etc.” And then people just argue about language, because then that poster who came in with the ace spiel says, “I try not to use sexual attraction because so many people think sexual attraction equals want to have sex with.” And a few people are like, “Well, that– that’s less good language, that that is more confusing.” And the final say is that poster saying, “Asexual people do not find people hot. Sexual people do find people hot. It’s not about whether or not they want to have sex.”

Courtney: And I have been getting increasingly more frustrated with that definition and delineation. Just because – for as much as like we’re giving grace even in this episode, saying, you know, for some people, like, this is a manifestation of their sexuality, this is something that is important for those people, I understand that not all aces have the same experience I do, and I give space for that – but not having a libido, not wanting to engage in sexual activity, that actually is a fundamental component of the way my asexuality manifests. And I’m not going to say that people in different areas of the a-spectrum are less ace than me. I’m not going to say they’re not asexual because I don’t believe those things. But there is such a hard line push – especially as of the last, like, six years I think I’ve really, really seen it ramp up – where it’s all about attraction, not action. It’s just attraction, not action. And that’s something I hear and see all the time. Every single day. And a lot of sex favorable aces will say, “Well, we have to use this language because otherwise you’re invalidating my asexuality.” And it’s like you’re kind of now invalidating my asexuality because this is a fundamental way that mine manifests. And if I’m giving space for your area of the spectrum, can you please also give space for my area?

Royce: I think people are just going to have to accept that there isn’t going to be one simple, like, singular sentence definition of asexuality–

Courtney: No.

Royce: That just encompasses the entire A-ace spectrum. Because I’ve been thinking about this and I am not aware of any other orientation that has, for example, the depth of micro labels that asexuality has, and– or, you know, broader a-spec I should say. I use those two terms interchangeably a lot. I know not everyone does that.

Courtney: Well, we’ll talk about this in a future episode. But the fact that ace no longer means ace and aro people is fascinating to me. Because a lot of people, when we originally started using the shorthand for ace, it was like the full ace community, because we didn’t want to just be saying asexual the whole time. So it was like A is being shortened to ace for both ace and aro. And now a lot of people have completely forgotten that that is how a lot of people used to use it. And now people are saying a-spec for the a-spectrum, for ace and aro spectrums, and to me that is so much clunkier than saying ace.

Royce: It is- That’s–

Courtney: So sometimes I’ll still say ace, just because that’s the language that I came up into this community in, to mean both. And now people say, like, “If you’re saying ace but you mean a-spec, that’s erasing aros.” And it’s like my language originally did accommodate aros and we just forgot about that!

Royce: Yeah, in personal life, off the microphone, I never say a-spec. Pretty much I say ace to mean ace-spec. Because ace-spec is a clumsy, two syllable word that’s harder for me to say.

Courtney: Yes.

Royce: But what I was getting to was when I look at all sexual orientations �� straight, gay, bi, pan – they’re all very well-defined and have a lot of community and a lot of history. And of course, ace people have been here forever but it’s been so hard to connect, because you have to have a lot of very open, vulnerable, personal conversations. So I feel like the ace community is fairly young because it kind of relied on something like the internet to bring enough people together to have these conversations. But what happened is you found all of these different, varied experiences that aren’t gay, straight, bi, pan, and sometimes they are vastly different experiences.

Courtney: [Agrees]. Yeah, we– You know, in addition to our split attraction model series that we’ve been planning, we want a series of just episodes on language, [laughs] because we’ve got a lot of thoughts on language. Because, at the end of the day, really what I care about the most is that the people I’m communicating with can understand me, and so, to a certain extent, if you’re speaking to an individual person, your language is going to change and there are complicated nuances with that. Sometimes it’s something like code switching. Sometimes in a neurodivergent lens, that’s something like masking. But sometimes it’s genuinely just: we come from two very different places, what is the lowest common denominator for the language that we can use and still understand at least the most important elements of what we’re trying to convey to one another?

Courtney: And so, like, honestly, yeah, with a-spec, the thing is, I have started occasionally using that – either on microphone or sometimes in tweets and things – and that is just because that seems to be the direction that our individual community is saying. But I will only say that word if I’m addressing the community. If I’m trying to address a larger audience, or allo people, or non-a-spec people, I won’t use the phrase a-spec. Because they don’t know it. They do not.

Royce: Okay, I think this will be the last one for today. This one is simply titled “Broke Up With my Asexual Girlfriend.”

Courtney: Oh boy.

Royce: And it reads: “I loved her a lot. I really did. I felt like she was perfect for me in every way.” Going back to that…

Courtney: Except… sex!

Royce: [resumes reading] “Except one. [Courtney laughs] She was asexual. We dated for a little over four months. In that time I fell for her, hard. But two months into the relationship she admitted that she thinks she might be asexual as she finds the idea of sex and kissing to be repulsive. I tried to make it work for the remaining two months but I was slowly starting to resent her more and more, and I knew it would never stop. I really wanted it to work. But I’m a man with needs [Courtney hums disapprovingly] that she wasn’t capable of fulfilling, and I didn’t want to guilt or force her into doing something she didn’t want to do.

Royce: I broke up with her earlier today. I’m pretty sad about the whole thing but I know it was the right thing for both of us. Reading some of the posts here acted as the final nail in the metaphorical coffin for me. I didn’t want to end up like the unfortunate souls on this subreddit.”

Courtney: Oh no!

Royce: [keeps reading] “I thought I could do without sex, but I never really realized how damn important it was to be sexually desired in a relationship until recently.”

Courtney: Mmh… There’s that word again.

Royce: Yep. [continues reading] “It’s so goddamn important. I stopped working out in part because – quote – “what’s the point if the one person that’s allowed to see it doesn’t care?“.”

Courtney: Oh boy.

Royce: [keeps reading] “I did my first day back today and it felt good.” – I assumed that is at the gym – “II’m ready to clean myself back up and jump back into the dating game and put myself out there and find somebody new. I just want to say I don’t resent her for any of this. She was a really kind-hearted person and I wish her the best, we were just fundamentally incompatible at the end of the day and it never would have worked. I wish her the best and hope she finds happiness.”

Royce: So that was a collection of a few things we’ve talked about. One thing I wanted to mention that I’ve just always been aware of, and never really understood, is the “I’m going to exercise or diet purely to date.”

Courtney: Yeah!

Royce: Not for myself.

Courtney: Not for health.

Royce: I’m just going to do that to try to find someone during that dating phase.

Courtney: Yeah. I also– because he’s also saying like, “Man, my first day back at the gym and it felt good.”

Royce: Yes.

Courtney: Like if you like exercising, why did you stop? Liking exercise is a gift. Exercise sucks! [laughs] No, I’m with you on that. I don’t understand that. Just the loaded language in that post, though. Like, “I didn’t want to end up like the unfortunate souls here.” It sounds so melodramatic.

Royce: Yeah. As a post that was just, “Hey, here’s what happened,” and not asking for advice or anything, it’s also interesting that this person made a decision because apparently they were lurking on Dead Bedrooms.

Courtney: I don’t think I like that either. Because, like, it wasn’t that long of a relationship, so it’s not like, you know, there was a level of commitment that’s like years into this relationship, or a marriage, or a betrothment. So like, it was still technically early stages, that’s fine. But I genuinely– Like, you made a decision to break up with someone that you yourself are saying you really care about, because of what you are reading strangers say on the internet? And not out of conversations with that partner? I don’t know, that’s– Just the very concept of that is something I don’t understand.

Royce: Yeah, I don’t know what conversations they had in the relationship. Reading through some comments and seeing OP comment on a couple of things, they didn’t give their ages but they did imply that they were pretty young, and it had only been together for four months. So if they had a conversation and kind of outlined what they want or are looking for in a relationship, it seems perfectly reasonable for them both to be like, “Okay, this isn’t it,” and go on. Kind of a thing.

Courtney: Right. But, man… “The final nail in the coffin was reading about all you poor souls on this subreddit.” [laughs]

Royce: There is a comment that just says, “I’m glad that this graveyard of dead relationships saved one more soul.”

Courtney: No! That’s terrible! [emphatically] Graveyard of dead relationships.

Royce: Yeah, that was an old post. That one was actually– That one was five years ago. But it was very dense in a lot of the language that we’ve been talking about or seeing throughout.

Courtney: Well, I wish the best for his asexual ex-girlfriend. May he remember her fondly as the one who got away. [laughs] She’s probably too good for him. [laughs] I am just headcanoning this asexual girlfriend as, you know, the most gorgeous, beautiful person inside and out. That’s nonsense and I know it.

Courtney: You know, last time we did a Dead Bedrooms episode, we were talking to our friend Satan and they had a brilliant idea about what would be a better Dead Bedrooms concept than people in relationships who don’t have enough sex anymore. The concept they put forth was untouched photographs of the bedroom of people who died, like just how they died. This is what their bedroom looked like when they died. And I think that’s fascinating. I think it is a subversion of amatonormativity. I think it’s provocative, it’s enriching, it’s conceptually brilliant. I want someone to take this on as a project. I want this to be a coffee table book that we can put on our coffee table that is just pages of literal dead bedrooms. And then you can just pour over them for hours, fantasizing and wondering about the lives of these poor deceased souls. [emphatically] Who were they? What kind of life did they live? What will my bedroom look like when I inevitably die?

Royce: How many of them died before getting the chance to clean up their bedrooms before the photos were taken?

Courtney: Exactly! That’s the fascinating part! You can learn so much about a person. Was their bedroom spotless? Was it messy, as if they weren’t expecting visitors? Was it covered in medical supplies because they were aware that the death was imminent? There are so many possibilities. How old were they? How did they decorate? Did they die away from the home? Was their bed made? Did they die in the bed? The possibilities, they are endless. I am so much more intrigued by this concept of a dead bedroom than I am people griping about not having enough sex.

Courtney: So if any brilliant ace photographers out there– I myself am an artist, I am a professional, award-winning artist, if we’re being technical here, but I’m not a photographer. Taking photographs tends to irritate me. At least if it’s for social media. I gave up on Instagram a long time ago because – ugh – “I made a thing, now I have to take a picture of it to put on Instagram.” I hated it! Absolutely hated it. So if there are any already renowned ace photographers out there who are interested in making this dream come to fruition, do reach out. Let’s make it happen. But until then, thank you all so very much for being here. And we will talk to you all next time. Goodbye.

#asexual #ace #asexuality #aces #ace community #ace pride #asexual community #asexual pride #lgbtqia #aspec #acespec #the ace couple #the ace couple podcast #podcaster #podcast #podcasting #queer #reddit #dead bedrooms #libido and desire #attraction #sexuality #relationships #identity #split attraction model #marriage #marital problems #marital issues #demisexual #Youtube

[asexual-in-distress]

Hello! I am fellow asexual in crisis rn. I don't have anyone to seek help to. And came to internet for that. I hope i won't be bothering you or anything. Feel free to ignore this ask. I've come here today to seek suggestions from you about this situationship I'm in rn. I'm not good with words so I'll just go straight to the point.

I'm a 20 yo bi romantic afab seggs impulsed ace and never had any sort of romantic relationship. I am involved in this fun community since June and i met someone this july. We have only met 3 times since we live quite far away from each other, and planning our next meet next week. We've been talking and playfully flirting with each other since day one. And somehow on our last hangout we became closer, and flirting became more serious and deep. And now it's literally clear we like each other. That's not actually the problem though. I'm pretty open about my sexuality. And I'm pretty sure he knows it.

The problem is after talking to him in a romantic sense I don't want to carry on with this. I don't want to get involved with this situation. There's nothing wrong with him. He's a sweetheart gentleman. I just don't know why but the "butterflies" i used to get a few days ago seems like a burden rn. As if, The idea of being in a relationship repulses me. I've been thinking if I'm aromatic or not for quite some time now. Got rid if that thought because i like the idea of falling in love. Now that I'm getting something similar I don't think I like it..

But i think he's getting way too attached with me and idk how to deal with this situation. I'm not experienced enough nor do i have anyone who would be able to understand my troubles. I'm not even sure if it's about aromantisism or just me being terrified of the idea of love.

Hey! I’ll try to help I’m any way I can. First off I am no expert and have only been in one relationship myself so take my advice with a grain or salt. That being said let’s get into this.

I know it sounds a bit cliche but have you tried telling him that you don’t want a relationship? Being honest about that before things go any further is a wise move. If you have, and that didn’t cause him to back off, that’s a red flag. Him not willing to back off on the pursuit of a relationship after you have set a boundary isn’t someone you want to friends with.

Also noting what you said about liking the idea of falling in love. Liking the idea of something and actually feeling or pursuing it are very different things. I honestly have been struggling with my romantic orientation for a while and am also boarding on biromantic and aromantic. So I can understand it’s difficult to figure out.

With that said. Hopefully people in the comments can add a bit more advice and experience to the discussion. I hope this helped even just a little. And good luck!!

#lgbtqia #lgbtq #alphabet mafia #ace positivity #ace pride #asexual #aroace #asexual pride #biromantic #relationship #lgbt advice

[steamystrangerfics]

Broken

Summary: You and Joe (Quinn) have been friends for a long time, he knows you have troubles with your self-image. He will always be there to take care of you. Always.

Warnings: self-image, fluff, talk of masturbation. (Literally nothing too much).

A/n: Okay I cried while writing this at points. This hit me hard. Idk why I made it so very personal, but I still feel it works for others. I just woke up today and was like I need to write this as an outlet (asexual people are people too.) even though I don’t mention the reader is ace and that the fact the not all aces are even this way- I’m gonna stop just read and enjoy.

Joe Quinn was the newest member of the hit Netflix’s series Stranger Things, you couldn’t believe it, your best childhood friend. You were so proud of him, but you missed him so much whenever he was gone working on his acting classes, you two had been through so much together. “(y/n), we are getting a break since this season is done and I get to come home. I was thinking,” Joe paused to take in a heavy breath like he was about to say his last words, “let’s get together at your place, like old times. After I see family, of course. I’ve missed you.” You held the phone close to your cheek hearing those words roll of his lips, “Yes,” you muttered, "yes of course. I’d love to see you, Joe.” With those word you both hung up, your head now spinning as you thought of the last time you saw Joe, it had been so long, but you remember it like it was yesterday. You closed your eyes as you imagined him right there, in your room, laughing- he has the perfect laugh, his eyes- he has the perfect eyes.

You wanted to try something, so you began trailing your hands over your body at the thought of Joe but stopped short when it didn’t do anything for you. Thoughts of him made you want him to be there forever – cuddling, kissing, embracing you, holding you, and never letting go – but why was your body broken, you thought.

A few days later Joe arrived, you weren’t sure whether you were pleased or upset anymore with the way your heart felt. Joe looked more stunning than ever; he was wearing a plaid button up top that was tucked into his denim pants. Why do I keep looking at my best friend like this, you thought as you shook your head. “Are you going to let me in or keep me in the doorway all night?” his lips curling into a playful smirk. He waltzed into your living room and made himself comfortable on your sofa, gesturing for you to come sit next to him, Why the hell am are you so nervous? He brushed a baby hair out of your face like he always used to, his hands were cold to the touch, “This feels nice, being back here again,” Joe’s voice was a soft whisper even though there was no one else in the house. He pulled you into a hug. You nestled you head into the crook of his neck, the smell of him was intoxicating to say the least. You could feel his hand tracing circles on your back as your stomach dropped, you had thoughts of the other night and roughly pulled away. “Let’s go out back to the pool,” you shouted harshly, not realizing how demanding that sounded.

Joe had brought swim trunks assuming you’d end up here, you two always did. It took you a long time to get changed into your suit. You had a light pink tankini top with white floral patterns and black swim trunks that came done to just about your knee. You’ve never been comfortable about your body, even though Joe told you over and over there was nothing wrong with you. He really was the greatest friend, you stood there tearing up as you looked in the full-length mirror, your mind couldn’t ush out the lies this time. After a little while of waiting with his feet in the pool, Joe knew something was wrong, so he made his way to your room to check on you. He found you in a ball on your floor in tears in your swimsuit as he ran in.

“(y/n)! (y/n), talk to me! What’s wrong? What happened?” Joe ran to your side, sat down on the floor, and lifted you up to lay your head on his lap. All you could get out was jibberish between the heavy breathing as Joe held you tight in his arms.  He rocked you, talked to you, and pet your hair until you steadied your breathing and wanted to talk to him. You sat there in silence for a minute, head now on his chest and breathing along with him, thinking if you wanted to start the conversation that might hurt your friendship. “Joe,” you look up at your best friend, “have you ever felt,” you didn’t know how to say it without crying again, “broken?”

His hands cupped your chin to bring your face even with his, “everyone feels broken once in a while, baby, that doesn’t mean you have to fight these battles alone,” his other hand moved to her shoulder, ‘baby’ sounded nice coming from him, “you know I’ll fight any demons alongside of you. I’ve always told you that.” Joe was peering into your tear-filled eyes, he meant every word from the bottom of his big, dumb, mushy heart. You decided he was the best, and only, person you might be able to talk to about this.

“Joe,” you sat up, you couldn’t be on him while you asked this, “do you ever touch yourself?” You covered your eyes with your hands, feeling your face heat up. Peeking out you see Joe laughing at you, “it’s called masturbating, babe. I’d be lying if I said no,” his voice was cocky as he puffed out his chest like his just told you he was superman. You looked down at the floor below you, playing with the carpet, refusing to make eye contact, “what does it feel like, Joe?” Your voice was delicate, and it made Joe see that you weren’t joking around. He tried to lean over to you, but you pulled away, you’ve never moved away from him before. With a moment to think he finally answered, “it—well kind of—“, you gazed at him now with your doe eyes, “I think it feels different for everyone, (y/n). For me, it feels like a release, like something I wanted that I’ve finally given myself – but in my mind. Does that make sense?”

You started to giggle at his answer, “no, not even a bit”. Joe was still for a second, biting his bottom lip, then he spoke up, “Have you never- “, to be honest he was always very curious. He couldn’t pinpoint when exactly he started looking at you differently. You searched his eyes for comfort as he took your hand, this time letting him touch you, “I never- nothing never-“, you mange to stammer out a few words before he interrupts by reassuring you that it is nothing to be ashamed of. You place your head back on his chest feeling his heartbeat once again, “who would want to be with someone like me?”.

“I would,” leans to look her in the eyes. You sit up slowly never letting you eyes leave Joe’s, “But-“. “No buts, beautiful, I’ve loved you since we were young, and I will never let you feel broken. I want you in every way possible.” Joe stands to his feet taking your hands in his and guiding you over to the bed. Sitting you down at the edge of the bed, taking your hand and putting it on his bare chest. “You don’t have to feel anything sexual to do anything sexual. And we don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.” You nodded your head as your hand traveled down to his sternum, eyes interlocked with Joe’s.

Joe moved in close placing a small angel-like kiss on your cheek, then on your lips. It was just as you imagined kissing your best friend, comforting yet indulging. Joe reached down and played with the hem of your swimsuit top before removing it completely. You pulled away from the kiss, scared of being this exposed in front of a guy – in front of Joe. “You’re beautiful, never forget that, darling” he says as his smile melts your heart, somehow all your insecurities melt with it as you go back into the kiss, this time with more passion.

He glides his tongue on your bottom lip, asking for entrance, to which you give him. The kiss become deeper and sloppy as he now presses you back onto the bed making sure you are alright with every move. He straddles your thigh as you play with his curly brown hair, bodies pressed against each other. You can feel him reaching up to grab your breasts, you jump at the touch, “I’ll stop,” he cooed in an apologetic voice. “No”, you placed his hands back where they were, “I want you to touch me, Joe”, you closed you eyes to focus on his touch. His hands were warm now on your skin as he squeezed your breast. He pulled from the kiss to place his lips on your nipple, kissing and biting you. All you could think was that you wouldn’t want anyone else he with you. Still playing with his luscious hair, you can feel his bulge forming in his swim trunk on your thigh. You decide to lift your thigh rubbing against him as he groans. “Never leave me, Joe.” you whimper into his neck as you bring him close. “Never, (y/n). Never”.

#joe quinn #joseph quinn #joseph quinn x reader #joe quinn x reader

[madsworld15]

Heal Me, Hold Me, Make Me, Know Me Chapter 3 Part 1: June

QAF, Brian x Justin, Asexual Spectrum Representation, Season 2 re-telling. Part 1: 3k words

As always, thank you @winderlylandchime and @maryp50 for your support.

“Fuck!” Justin’s exclamation of anger burst out of him right before a ball whizzed past Brian’s head and hit the wall behind him. 

Brian looked up from where he worked on a client proposal for Brown Athletics at his computer. Emmett, Daphne, and Justin stood before him in a small circle. The two friends had come over to Brian’s loft today so that Justin could practice his hand therapies. When Justin was left to his own devices with his therapy, he simply did it once or twice and then insisted his hand hurt too much. 

It had been a rough first week of cohabitating for the two. Between Brian’s desperate need to be alone and Justin’s random fits of anger, they were about ready to strangle each other. Not to mention, Brian’s job seemed to be imploding at the wrong time, so he’d had to work longer days than he’d like. Emmett must’ve gotten an earful about it from Justin and Brian because yesterday, he had shown up at Brian’s office in a loud outfit with an attitude to match.

“Brian, something has to change.” Emmett had breezed in without so much as a knock or even a greeting.

Brian was in the middle of a call with Eyeconic Optics, trying to snag their business. He gave the client a quick goodbye with the promise of something in their hand by end-of-day. Brian gave a roll of his eyes directed at his lap instead of the queen himself.

“What do I owe the pleasure, Honeycutt?”

“I’ve told you, don’t call me that.” Emmett put his hand on his hip and continued, “I thought the whole point of Justin moving in with you was so you could keep an eye on him. Convince him to keep up with this physical and occupational therapy.”

“Yeah. And?” Brian was more focused on Eyeconic Optics than what Emmett was saying. 

“He’s not doing his therapy.” Emmett practically yelled in exasperation.

Brian looked up, “Sure he is.”

“How would you know? You have been working long hours every single day since before he even moved in! Justin talks to me, you know.”

Brian rubbed his forehead and then sighed. “I’m keeping an eye on him the best I can. It’s not my fault Ryder sold the company the day after Justin moved in. Now I have to push everything I have into impressing Vance so he doesn’t fire my ass.”

“Maybe Justin should live with his mom.” Emmett sat down, his voice calm and understanding. “I know that’s not what he wants, or you for that matter, but he needs someone who can be around to support him.”

“I am! After this week, things will run more smoothly.” Brian looked across his desk at one of his oldest friends and then admitted, “He won’t let me in. I’ve tried many different ways to get him to talk, but he just won’t. He’s convinced his hand will be fucked up forever.”

“Is he still seeing his mental health therapist?” Emmett gave Brian a pointed look. “Because he needs to work on that part of himself too.”

“I know.”

Emmett got up to leave, thought better of it, and added, “Brian, I know you love him. I know you are trying your best, but you don’t have to do it alone.”

This was how it ended up that Brian worked from his loft on this busy Saturday while Emmett and Daphne worked with Justin on his hand exercises. Deciding that he needed a break and Justin needed some positive reinforcement, Brian pushed away from his desk and approached the group.

“Maybe we should all take a break. Go to the diner for some lunch?” Brian cocked his head at Justin. He hoped that his soft expression would convince the young man to go out and socialize.

He stepped within whispering earshot of Justin and added, “Don’t worry. I’ll be right here the whole time.” Justin still got freaked out when too many people were around.

“Yeah, Justin! The diner sounds great!” Daphne’s tone took on that high-pitched fake nature she used when trying to manipulate Justin. 

Brian shook his head and smirked. It never worked. Justin always saw right through it. Sure enough, Justin rolled his eyes and went to the bedroom. Emmett gave Brian a pointed look and motioned his head, telling him to follow the kid. Brian blew out his breath and handed the therapy ball to Emmett.

Brian cautiously entered the room and sat down on the bed a few feet from where Justin was.

“I know it’s hard. But the fact you can grip the ball and throw it is a big deal. You’ll be back to drawing in no time.” Brian shrugged and allowed his gaze to wander over Justin’s rigid form. He could tell the blonde was still angry just by how he flexed his right hand and shook it violently.

“Fuck off, Brian.” Justin hissed. 

“I’m just saying you’ve made progress in just a few short weeks.”

“Oh yes! Let’s praise poor little Justin. He managed to throw a fucking ball. He’s all better now. We can all clap because Justin’s little gimp hand can now be the next fuckin Picasso!” Justin stood up and turned so that his words hit Brian directly in the face.

Then he started to pull the blanket and sheets off the bed. Brian stood up to avoid being thrown off by the force at which Justin moved. Next, he crossed to the bedside table and swiped all those things to the floor.

“Maybe. I should just forget about art and become a hustler! My gimp hand is probably great for giving hand jobs!”

Brian continued to let Justin go about the room, throwing things about while he ranted and raved.

“Or maybe I’ll just stand on the street corner and sell my body! That way, I can pay rent and survive. But I sure as SHIT ain’t EVER gonna draw again!” Justin paused an alarm clock in his hand, his chest heaving from the effort of destroying Brian’s room and letting out his anger.  

Brian simply stared at Justin, stony-faced. “You done?”

Justin stopped moving altogether. He let the clock gently drop from his hand. It landed on the floor with a clunk. He sat back down on the now bare mattress.

“Sorry.”

“Don’t ever apologize,” Brian said shortly. Then he added, “Now, clean this up.” With that, he left the room and returned to where Daphne and Emmett stood, in shock at what had just happened.

“I don’t think we will be going to the diner today. Justin will call you both later.”

Daphne smiled and gave a curt nod. Then she was gone. Emmett lingered a bit. 

He handed Brian the ball. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Brian looked Emmett in the eye. Without a word, the taller man wrapped his arms around Brian in comfort and solidarity.

“He just needed to let out his frustrations,” Brian added softly.

“If it ever gets too much, I’m just a call away.” Emmett kissed Brian on the cheek, and he was gone, too.

Once Emmett was gone, Brian returned to the bedroom, where he found Justin curled up in a ball on the newly remade bed. He crossed over to him and pulled the young man up and against his chest as they both lay on the bed. Brian ran his fingers through Justin’s hair as he tried to formulate the right words to say. 

“It’s okay to be angry. A really shitty thing happened to you, and we weren’t acknowledging that.” He paused and corrected, “I haven’t been acknowledging that.”

“I don’t think my psychiatrist is working for me,” Justin admitted in a voice so small it could’ve been contained within the body of a mouse.

“Okay, then we find you a new one.” Brian continued to run his fingers through Justin’s hair.

“No, it’s not working.” Justin reiterated, this time more assertively.

“You can’t just ignore your PTSD. And don’t try to tell me you’re fine. My room would beg to differ. So would the death grip you maintain anytime we go out.” Brian crossed his other arm over and pulled Justin even closer.

“No, I know.” Justin paused. Then, taking a deep breath, he continued. “Would it be so terrible if I only go to group therapy?”

It dawned on Brian what Justin was saying. He was willing to face his trauma head-on, but he didn’t want to do it alone. Brian was more in the school of “the less people know, the better.” But Justin needed community. He needed to feel like he wasn’t the only one to face such unspeakable violence. 

“Of course. If you think a group is better, then that's what you should do.” Brian placed a gentle kiss on the top of Justin’s head.

Before the bashing, Brian and Justin’s physical touch was a natural part of them. Justin might not be one to have sex, but he did love other forms of touch. Now, Brian could only get this physically close to him when Justin needed something steady to keep him grounded.

*****

On Sunday afternoon, Brian decided that Justin would come to Debbie’s for dinner. Brian had staved off the event for the last few weeks because Justin had been in the rehab center or newly transitioning to Brian’s apartment. 

However, the night before, after Justin’s freak out, Brian got a call from Debbie. She had told him that under no uncertain terms would he be allowed to skip this week. She even mentioned he should bring Justin if the blonde was up for it. 

It was the day of Debbie’s dinner, and Brian decided that Justin would be coming. They both needed to get out, and Debbie’s seemed like a nice, safe middle ground. He told the blonde that morning as Brian folded up his blanket and carried it with the pillow to the cabinet where he stored them during the day.

He still slept on the couch while Justin took the bed, which worked well for them. He was close enough to comfort him after he awaited from one of his nightmares but far enough away that Justin felt safe enough to sleep. Brian wasn’t sleeping as well as he usually would, but it was what Justin needed to feel more secure. Therefore, it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

“Justin, there’s something we need to discuss.” Brian bit his lip. He didn’t know how to approach this sensitive subject but knew they couldn’t avoid it. 

Justin looked up from the book he was reading and cocked his head to the side. “I already know we’re going to Debbie’s for dinner and that Michael, Emmett, Ted, Lindsay, and Melanie will be there.”

“It’s not that.” Brian sucked his bottom lip between his teeth and tried to continue. “My new boss, Gardner Vance, essentially told me on Friday that I have to prove I’m worth keeping on as the company restructures. To do that, I have to travel to Chicago to meet with a potential client in person. I’d be gone for a couple days.”

Justin closed his book completely and got up from the bed. “So, you want me to find somewhere else to stay.”

Brian rubbed his temple, “No, well.” He sighed, “Justin, I just figured you’d maybe want to stay with your mom for a few days so you aren’t alone. I know you still freak out a bit when you’re alone.”

“Oh. So you think I need a babysitter.” Justin’s mood shifted into anger, which has quickly surfaced these days.

Brian knew things would get completely off track if he didn’t reel Justin back soon. 

“I want you to feel safe and secure. If you think you will be fine here, then I have no problem with that. If you’d rather stay with Emmett, Debbie, or your mom, that’s fine too. Whatever you think will help you.”

Justin took a deep breath and backed down. After a few minutes he finally muttered, “When do you leave?”

“Tomorrow morning. I will be back by Wednesday afternoon, hopefully.” Brian watched as Justin worried his chin back and forth as he bit down on each side of his mouth.

“Okay.” Justin finally shrugged and put his book into the backpack he was now prone to carrying with him. Brian knew it was his form of a security blanket. It contained various things that could comfort Justin if he got too overwhelmed by wherever they were going.

Brian let the subject drop temporarily in lieu of getting them to Debbie’s on time and in one piece. They could discuss what Justin wanted to do in more detail after they got back.

By the time they arrived at Debbie’s quaint little home, they were the last of the family to arrive. Brian greeted Emmett immediately upon entering because the young man was the first to be seen. Justin hovered extremely close to Brian’s side, but upon seeing his best friend, he switched over to being Emmett’s shadow instead. Brian would never say it, but he was grateful that Emmett took Justin off his hands for the night.

He walked into the kitchen, where he found Debbie and Vic cooking up some lasagna and a dessert, respectfully. Brian leaned over and let Debbie deposit a kiss on his cheek while he also squeezed Vic’s shoulder. It had been ages since he’d seen the older man. Despite his AIDS diagnosis, the man looked to be in good health for the time being. Lindsay, Melanie, and Ted were already seated at the table. They had their heads together and were discussing something financial in nature.

Brian greeted Lindsay when she finally looked up and saw him.

“BRIAN! I didn’t know you were coming!” She jumped up and flung her arms around him.

“Hey, Wendy. How’s the kid?” He smiled at Mel and then smirked at Ted. “He talking yet?”

“He’s in the living room with Michael. Gus just adores him.” Lindsay responded.

“Of course he does. Mikey’s practically a kid himself.” Brian put his tongue into his cheek, his eyes dancing with mirth.

Just then, Emmett and Justin came into the kitchen and sat down across from where the women and Ted sat. Brian walked around the table and sat down next to Justin. He knew the lad would have an easier time of things if he was surrounded by the two people he could trust beyond measure.

Debbie turned around and immediately threw her hands up in the air and squealed. “SUNSHINE!” 

She approached Justin at a speed, Brian could already tell was going to be a problem, considering Justin’s continued anxiety around others. So, he stood and grabbed her before she could reach him. 

“Deb. Why don’t you go and grab Gus and Michael so we can finally eat.” Brian gave her a silent look that conveyed everything he wanted to say but couldn’t without Justin finding out and accusing him of being too protective.

Debbie nodded and went off to find her son and the baby. Meanwhile, Vic sat down at the end of the table next to Brian. He introduced himself to Justin before immediately engaging Emmett in the topic of the upcoming Pride celebration.

“Is Godiva going to be in the parade this year?” Vic clasped his hands together and propped his head up on them.

“I took her her dress just this morning. She said I would have to wheel her the whole way, but she wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Emmett smiled so bright the effects of it spread to Justin, who perked up and engaged in the conversation.

“Who’s Godiva?” Justin’s question left his lips just as Debbie, Gus, and Michael arrived at the table. The baby was handed off to Lindsay, while Debbie sat between Emmett and Mel, and Michael sat next to his uncle across the table from Brian.

“Who’s Godiva?! Don’t you kids know anything?” Debbie screeched.

Brian leaned over to Justin and whispered, “She’s one of Pittsburgh’s most famous drag queens.”

“Godiva and I marched through some of the earliest pride parades together. All the way back to Stonewall.” Vic added, a little wink at Justin when the blonde looked at him impressed.

“Godiva was my first friend when I moved here from Hazzlehurst, Mississippi.” Emmett added. “She saw me at my first pride and asked me, ‘Are you alone sugar?’ And I was taken by her from that moment on.”

“But, this year is probably going to be her last Pride,” Emmett added, emotion behind his words. Brian reached around Justin’s back and placed a comforting hand on Emmett’s shoulder.

“It takes us all eventually,” Vic commented, his voice also tinged with emotion, but of a different kind.

Justin looked from one face to the next, confused and trying to make sense of it all. He finally landed on Brian and the older man put him out of his misery. 

“AIDS.”

Justin nodded in understanding, finally. The rest of dinner passed without much fanfaire. Justin slowly became more at ease around the family as they all treated him with kindness. It probably helped that Brian kept his left hand attached to Justin’s thigh in comfort and solidarity the whole time. Justin actually seemed to be enjoying himself as Lindsay engaged him in a conversation about expressionist art. Brian learned that was Justin’s favorite art style. From the way he talked about expressionist art he’d never been really good at creating art in that discipline, but it produced some of his favorite pieces of art. 

“Do you think what happened to you will change how you create?” Lindsay’s question was innocent enough, but Brian held his breath hoping it wouldn’t set Justin off.

“I’m not sure yet. I can barely hold a ball, let alone draw or paint.” Justin shrugged, but Brian felt his mood drop.

Emmett quickly changed the subject in the hopes of pulling Justin out of the new funk.

“Baby, who is your favorite artist of all time?”

Justin was just about to answer, when Michael decided that was the exact moment to open his mouth. 

“Why are we all acting like he belongs here? He’s just some kid from the diner. He’s not family.”

Justin quietly got up from the table and walked outside. Brian knew he was going to Brian’s Jeep. They had agreed before coming that Brian would leave it unlocked if Justin ever felt he needed space. Instead of following him, Brian turned to Michael, seeing red.

#queer as folk #brian kinney #justin taylor #fanfiction #alternate universe #asexual spectrum representation

[thessalian]

Thess vs Sex

Since I’m trying to take my mind off some anxieties today (I will talk about these anxieties when they are resolved and not a moment sooner), I’ve had at least one post as regards the whole deal about what I can only call neo-puritanism and kink tossed in my general direction recently because people know that, however counterintuitive it is given my orientation, this is a subject in which I have a great deal of interest. Not the actual doing of it, mind you; just the various bits of discourse that seem to go around so much these days. So here it is - a specific asexual’s view of the whole thing:

First of all, I have no issues with sex. I don’t want to do it, I don’t particularly want to watch it, and I’ll probably skim-read over it. I am a Fade To Black sort of person when it comes to RP (the people I’d be writing erotica with are like my siblings anyway; that’d just be weird even if I did like sex). Thing is, as I understand it, sex is a good thing for the people who enjoy it. It can be a moment of intimacy. It can be just for fun. It can be both. It’s just that people are taking it more and more seriously in all the wrong ways right now. So when it comes to sex, there are a few questions:

Is it consensual? And that’s about all of it. The basics of sex, certain positions or acts, whatever kink is being indulged ... if there is not full, enthusiastic, and continuous consent throughout, that is the only time I would say it’s ‘wrong’. I’m not just talking about sexual assault either. I’m talking about, “He wanted me to give him a blowjob and I don’t deal well with that but he just kept pushing my head down there and--”, or “We were doing some light spanking and they got a little carried away and I didn’t want to ruin the moment by telling--” The moment is already ruined by that point - for you. Consent can always be revoked at any time. If your partner or partners are not willing to accept your revocation of consent, they are nasty pieces of shit who don’t deserve the fun and the pleasure sex can bring.

Is it safe? Not just talking about “guard against STIs and unwanted pregnancy” safe, either, though that’s hella important. I have a long history of despising Fifty Shades of Gray, not just because it’s poorly-written pulp but because it has made an absolute mess in the BDSM community. Safe words, aftercare, contract (preferably written so it can be gone over again later) negotiated and agreed by both parties ... you need those things for a safe and healthy BDSM situation. It’s important to not only have aftercare, but to understand what that means for the specific sub; without not only aftercare but the right aftercare for the individual, there’s a chance of serious physical, mental, and emotional damage. No one wants that (or if they do, they belong in jail). Be a dog or a slave or a sex toy all you want, but make sure you’re getting what you need afterwards to be okay. This also goes towards things like one-night stands or friends with benefits, at least on the emotional scale. People have a right to have sex with any consensual partner they want, regardless of whether it’s a spouse or just some person they thought was hot, but making sure all parties understand the situation - like, “I’m DTF but I’m not looking for anything serious; we might want to rethink if you want something meaningful” - is as important as any other kind of agreement between parties trying to have a good time and be okay with it all. That’s the end goal here, as far as I’ve ever been able to tell - for all parties involved in the act to be happy, satisfied, and okay afterwards.

...Okay, really there are only two questions: is it consensual, and is it safe? Because everything else is down to the individual. Whips and spanking paddles? You do you, fam. Yiff or be yiffed? That’s entirely up to you. Golden showers and scat-stuff? Fine, but do disinfect things afterwards, for your own safety. Whatever you want so long as it’s safe and consensual is fine by me. It’s not really my business anyway.

Which is where we get into the whole thing about what is and isn’t “appropriate” for the public. Mostly in terms of people dressing up in fetish gear for Pride. It’s leather. It’s a banana hammock. Maybe someone’s on a leash. Big whoop. No one’s out there showing any genitalia, so people complaining can shut the fuck up. I have a feeling that the people bitching about that sort of thing mostly do so because they’re repressing a whole hell of a lot of curiosity, and they don’t like seeing that side of themselves, so they clutch their pearls and whine about “Think of the children!!!” Like those precious children haven’t seen more extreme outfits on Emma Frost. Seriously, these purity culture advocates need to remember “try it; maybe you’ll like it” from the days when their parents were trying to feed them unfamiliar food.

Sex is one of those things that people take far too seriously in all the wrong ways. I am asexual. I don’t want any of it for myself. Thing is, I’m not going to freak out about someone in latex or leather at Pride either. If I think about it at all, it’s just, ‘good for you; be safe, be happy’. I don’t let it live rent-free in my head, is what I’m saying. The thing that does live rent-free in my head is rage at the assholes who seem to be trying to turn something that’s supposed to be fun and intimate and good into ... well, “You can only do it within the bonds of marriage, through a hole in the sheets with the lights off, and only for procreation”.

Sex is fun, from what I understand. LET SEX BE FUN FOR THE PEOPLE HAVING IT. And don’t judge how people have it, either; they’re not forcing you to wear leather, so if it somehow offends your eyes to see leather outfits ... look somewhere else, because it’s not for you.

#Thess has opinions

[queenofmistresses]

Okay so literally no one is going to care about this but i really need to put this here because i nearly started crying over this

okay so some of you who pay close attention to my blog (so like… one of you?) may know that I have had a change in friendship groups over the last few months. Certain members of the group were leaving me out of things, making me feel bad, being unsupportive with my mental health and overall were not meeting my needs and when I tried to communicate this it didn’t get across to them. This was not done with malice but I couldn’t take it any more. I am still friends with everyone in this group for the sake of not causing drama but I am no longer close with the group.

there, context done.

Now, in this group there is 1 guy, who I actually was friends with first and brought into the group. (Might sound like i’m bitter about this, i’m really not, i just feel like that’s important). Now he didn’t do anything wrong in the friendship at all, he never made me feel bad, always talks to me, and is always nice to me. but because i’m not in the group any more and because he’s become closer to other people in the group in the last year or so, we’re not as close.

which i think is really sad because we were really close at a time, especially at the end of lockdown and just after. I trusted him a lot and he trusted me too, talking about insecurities, bad girlfriends etc and he was the first person I came out to as asexual. And he was really supportive and helped me come out to my other friends at the time.

we still talk, he always says hi to me and talks to me when i come into school and that kind of thing

so to the topic of todays rant, he just messaged me and sent me this short story that he wrote and asked me to read it. Got my opinion etc and spoke to me about his coursework in english, listened to my advice etc. (btw it was a good story but there was some grammatical issues that I would be tempted to correct if it was going towards anything).

and I just. I forgot how nice that is. I’ve spent so much time on here these last few months getting harassed by men and being disrespected, that I just forget that I am incredibly lucky to have a cishet man in my life who genuinely is just a sweetheart. I miss him. I forgot how nice he is and how funny and how hard he tries with everything.

and honestly i’ve forgotten what it’s like to have friends irl that talk to you outside of school of their own accord. It’s been so long and I just miss it. I wish there was a way that I could be close with him again without the rest of the group but I don’t think i can. And I will forever miss that friendship we had at first because it meant a lot to me and helped me out of a dark place.

i hope that I get a friendship like that again and i hope that he finds someone he trusts with sharing his insecurities and problems because i think everyone deserves a safe space

anyway sorry for the rant but I needed to let it out because i miss people and i’ve got another year til i have hope of moving past that

[bigxrig]

Books

Mc Daddies Series by Lalyah Roberts

strangers to lovers, sunshine and bad boy trope

I cannot believe I read so many of these books. None of them are particularly excellent. There is an underlying plot through all of the books that was intriguing. However the fact that the women kidnapped by a psycho forgiving him because he didn’t technically hurt them was not a vibe.

Fury by Laurann Dohner

enemies to lovers

This was alright. The sex was okay and the characters were a little annoying and I’m confused by their decisions.

Slade by Laurann Dohner

strangers to lovers

See above lol 

Fics

Darling, so it goes by @disgruntledkittenface

Harry Styles is a world-famous actor at the height of his career but a personal low point when he meets His Serene Highness Prince Louis of Monaco by chance. He doesn’t think they’ll ever see each other again, but after striking up a correspondence, it turns out they have more in common than he thought. Then they start to fall for each other. Louis is different from anyone Harry has dated before and their relationship moves fast as Harry realizes he’s ready for a change. Soon Harry finds himself adapting to an entirely new life, in a country where he doesn’t know the rules, the customs, even the language. Harry is used to people underestimating him, and he’s more determined than ever to prove them wrong.

He just needs Louis to meet him halfway.

Grace Kelly AU.

Empty Nest by @littleroverlouis

Harry has not felt the desire to nest. The thoughts of where the nest should be, or even what items he planned to scent and arrange, have not even crossed his mind. None of the soft blankets or sweaters they own have triggered any nesting responses. Throughout his career as an OB/GYN nurse, all of his patients have spoken of their nests or how the need thrummed through their veins. There was also the knowledge of all of his omega friends and family members beginning to nest before the end of their first trimester.

Does this mean he isn’t cut out to be a parent? Why isn’t his body preparing him to provide safety and warmth to his pup? Harry fell in love with his pup the moment the pregnancy test result turned up positive, but what is his unfaltering love isn’t enough?

Or pregnant Omega Harry is stressed about a nest.

Do you think I’m cool by @sadaveniren

Louis calls Harry after his Today Show performance to have some words about his outfit choice.

Open Up Your Honey Pot by daffodilsforlou // @polaroidlouis

So attuned to the omega, Louis had been able to smell Harry’s slick while they kissed, the tangy cherry notes that filled his room impossible to miss. But even though he knew just how wet Harry could get from a few kisses, this particular outcome hadn’t exactly crossed his mind.

or louis’ helpless when it comes to his omega. and harry’s kind of in charge.

The Lost Art of Breeding and (Mis)Behaviour by @indiaalphawhiskey

“Strip, slave.” His voice was rough – stern, as a proper Master’s voice should be. Harry couldn’t help but feel pleased. “I could have had five of your kind for your price. Best make sure I’ve not been cheated.”

-- Or, Harry learns a thing or two about fate and faith.

All I Do the Whole Day Through by @lululawrence

Louis reached up and grabbed the ridiculously thick jumper that had the planets all over it and slammed the wardrobe doors shut. It was only as he turned around that he realized why Harry’s bedroom door had been shut.

There was a nest on Harry’s bed.

But why was Harry using Louis’ clothes and items that probably smelled like him in his nest?

when we get intimate by @rainblou

“When you beg for me, for my touch, and then instantly recoil.. I don’t know if this is real or not.” Louis looked away, shrinking in on himself. “I don’t know if you really want me.”

-

Harry is asexual. It becomes a problem when his heat arrives and Louis, his alpha, doesn't know.

Happiest Place On Earth by me_her_themoon // @loutomlinsonworldtour

It turns out, Harry was actually talking the entire time Louis was studying his profile, so he manages to only catch his last few words, “...It makes sense why this is referred to as the happiest place on Earth.”

And, well, Louis doesn’t not agree. But…

The Bandits of Sherwood Forest by foreverfanficaddict // @chaotic-bells

A long, long time ago, good Queen Anne of England departed on a long journey to explore distant lands.

During her absence, Princess Gemma, Queen Anne’s eldest daughter, was meant to rule. However, the Crown’s advisor usurped the crown and named himself King Simon Cowell of England.

Louis Tomlinson and his band of merry men were the people’s only hope. They robbed from the rich to feed the poor, and were beloved by all of England during these terrible times.

There has been a heap of legends and tall tales about him… But this is the story of what really happened in Sherwood Forest.

...A Robin Hood AU

We Might’a Took the Long Way Home by 4ureyesonly28 // @evilovesyou

The story of a perfect first date, a mind-blowing first kiss, an interfering lawsuit, a lopsided bowl, flutes of champagne, a little bit of heartbreak, a fated tiktok, and lots and lots of art.

I’ll Call You Mine by @kenniewen

"Harry isn’t superstitious, doesn’t knock on wood, or wish on shooting stars, but his position on ‘love at first sight’ becomes increasingly wishy-washy as his mind begins to comprehend blue, blue, blue. He feels his heart constrict and tongue go dry. The man before him is the most beautiful omega he has ever seen in his entire life."

Or: A self indulgent Omega/Omega fic with a teacher/single parent of favorite student trope.

boy for sale by @ohpleaselarry

Three large cushioned chairs face him, each holding a suited man. Mr. Horan, Mr. Payne, and Mr. Malik respectively sit at these chairs, eyes on Harry as he steps up to the middle of the room, lowers fluidly to his knees, hands behind his back, and looks to each man one by one, neck prickling with the eyes all on him, on his nude body.

They’re all going to have him, and yet Harry only really wants one man here, and it’s the man who steps up behind him, sets a hand on the nape of his neck, right over his collar.

“Alright,” Louis says, voice raspy and authoritative, “Mr. Horan, you’re first. Would you like his mouth or his arse?”

a little bit of lavender to help you sleep the whole night through by DaddyAlphaLouisBabyOmegaHarry // @bottomhaztoplou

Harry felt fuzzy and floaty, drifting in and out of waking. He felt ghostly touches, then warmth surrounding him, the air bathed with a delicious scent. He reached out for the warmth and wrapped himself around it. He shivered, feeling tingly and shaky in the best of ways as he inhaled the yummy scent – an alpha. An alpha was what was keeping him warm and smelled so good.

Danger was the last thing to cross Harry’s mind. No, he felt safe, so safe. Good omega, he heard vaguely. He smiled. Yes, he was a good omega.

baby, you’re the end of june by @disgruntledkittenface

“Up for it, Harold? We can go over the rundown when we get back. If you’re not busy then.”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Harry says, closing his laptop and setting it on Louis’ desk. “It’s just Harry, though.”

“You look like a Harold,” Louis says, standing up and brushing some brownie crumbs off his t-shirt. Harry briefly wonders how he’s still hungry for lunch after demolishing half the plate of brownies as he stands and moves into the hallway. “It’s the cardigan, I think.”

“You guys can flirt on the way,” Niall says over his shoulder, beckoning for them to follow him as he strides down the row of cubicles. “Come on, I’m starving.”

Harry looks at Louis, but he just laughs as they follow Niall. Oh. He thought he’d been picking up a vibe while they hung out, but apparently not. Well, it’s better to know how Louis feels now, so he can nip his growing crush in the bud. Louis is a great guy, at least they can be friends as well as coworkers.

In which Harry courts Louis. Entirely by accident.

when half spent the night by @juliusschmidt

Hi Harry,

I’ve skimmed your website and am interested in hiring you to be my doula. I’m 7 ½ months pregnant and not keen to do this whole labor and birth thing alone. After looking around, I thought you might be a good fit because you mention enjoying unusual people with unusual birth requests. I can meet up any day this week.

Lou

Is It Okay? by larry_hiatus // @larry-hiatus

Louis’ breath hitched when Harry added his second hand, and even more of his pretty little polished nails came into view. He moaned low in his throat, reaching forward to stroke his finger down the length of Harry’s thumb. How could someone’s hands be so gorgeous and cute, especially doing something so scandalous?

It’s Gonna Be a Bright Sunshiney Day by @justalarryblog

Louis took his students to The Goat Father Farm on a field trip to learn about dairy farms. Harry, the farm owner, loves having visitors on his farm and telling fun facts about goats. And there's Brutus.

Or

Louis is a teacher and Harry is a clumsy nerd farmer and they go on a date. Featuring Brutus and his obsession with butthead Harry. 

"Et Tu, Brute?"

build a nest for us to sleep in by blackwayfarers

"It'll be fun," Louis tells Liam quietly. If it was anyone else's break-up, Louis would know exactly what to do, what balance of fondness and foolishness he'd need to give, but he's totally lost with Liam. Louis has no idea what he might need, what could make him feel better, so in the end he gives Liam the only thing he has: "We can order take away and play videogames and fuck about for a few days. I'll get Harry to bring us groceries, we won't even need to leave the house. Come on, Liam, come live with me."

Find Me In The Kitchen by @neondiamond

When Harry sees Louis step in his beginners cooking class for the first time, he’s surprised to say the least. Not only is Louis an Alpha, he’s probably the most attractive Alpha Harry has ever come across. The next five weeks are sure to be interesting.

just a little rush, babe by orphan_account

“You know everything they say about Dracula? All that stuff I wrote in my paper?” Niall asks as he rips one of the glazed donuts in half. Harry hums. “It’s all bullshit. Real vampires do tomato juice cleanses and do yoga. Fuck.”

Harry's a vampire who's awful at parallel parking, being scary, and being alone. He meets Niall walking home alone one night.

If It’s Not You, It’s Not Anyone by TheMipstaz // @nevergooutofstiles

In which Louis is the only omega in his pack, makes a mean fish finger butty, and is arse-over-tits in love with his four idiot alphas.

(Based on Prompt 710: Louis is the only omega in the band and the boys treat him like royalty. Featuring lots of overprotectiveness. Please add some heavy angst like maybe some illness/hurt/injury/accident/kidnapping…)

Read the Recipe by @LadyLondonerry // @londonfoginacup

Louis Tomlinson does not have to be good at baking. He is rich, and has people for that.

Or, to put it more specifically, he has a single person for that. A person named Harry Styles, who comes highly recommended.

love is a word, you gave it a name by CuckooTrooke // @larrydoinglaundry

After two decades in brutal show business, Louis Tomlinson is trying to restore his tranquility of mind in the peace of Northern Europe where the sun barely sets, Maria's bar is always open, and young Harry has an irresistible spark in his eyes.

The Cat Got That Got The Cream by onlyearsfool // @suesheroll

"I’m twenty eight, Louis. Twenty fucking eight and I'm still a virgin", Harry’s voice was muffled by the pillow he had hidden his face into.

Harry Styles, twenty eight year old part time supermodel, part time spokesperson for the Omega Models Employment Union and full time drama queen was currently plopped face down into his best friend Louis’ enormous bed as he bemoaned his sex life, or lack thereof.

Or the one where Louis helps Harry discover a few things about himself.

It Hurts my Hand to Hold the Rope by salem (guccisuit) // @harrys-grammy

Harry Styles is a very popular photographer living and working from London, UK in the year 2021. Other than his Labradoodle and Great Dane and those who force their way into his shell, he keeps himself too busy for friends or lovers. He's hardened, shut off a bit because of a past relationship that just can't seem to disappear from his life.

Liam Payne is a very popular musician based in Los Angeles. He's been through a lot and had to do it all alone while in the public eye. He writes mostly about his ex-love, speaks candidly about his struggles and sexuality and is currently ending his world tour for his second album in London, desperate to run into a familiar face.

Or in which Harry and Liam met when they were sixteen and dated for six years until Liam left Harry and their life in London to try and make it in the music business. It's nearly five years later and Liam's sort of stalking Harry but in the least weird way. Harry's over Liam and wishes he'd stay out of his life. Niall's Switzerland and Louis is loyal. Nouis own a pub and have families of their own. Harry owns two big dogs and his own photo studio. Liam just wants his old mates back.

closer than the sun (where it’s sweetest, under her thumb) by DaddyAlphaLouisBabyOmegaHarry // @bottomhaztoplou

She's not his husband tonight.

A Conversation Starter by fearsparks // @onlyforbravest 

“Who’s Harry?”

A good-looking man was standing a few feet away, towards the other end of the sofa, and he was looking at Harry.

“What?” Harry asked, confused.

“Your hat.” The man nodded at the cap Harry was wearing. “It says Harry’s your friend. So… who’s Harry?”

(Harry is taking a breather from shopping when a beautiful man approaches and starts asking about his cap.)

Where You’d Rather Be by @itsmotivatingcara 

Louis runs the best Canine Search and Rescue school in Augusta, Maine, one that trains dogs to track missing persons. He lives an idyllic life on Togus Pond where he's built his career from the ground up. He has everything he could ever want, a beautiful home, friends he adores and a dog that aids his students in their training. Romantic entanglements have never been high up on his list of priorities.

That is, until he stumbles across a body in the woods. A woman was brutally murdered and dumped on his doorstep. It doesn't help that the Detective on the case happens to be devilishly handsome and just the right amount of broody.

Detective Harry styles has a murder to solve, he's just gotten out of a long-term relationship and he's certainly not looking for another. Regardless of whether the man who run's the SAR unit's blue eyes sparkle with promise and a sense of belonging. Something he may or may not have been searching for all his life.

Or

Detective - Search and Rescue AU

Almost Misheard by @tommokat

“Also, here.” Harry reaches into the bag again and holds out… A box of toothpaste?

Louis slowly takes the box, recognizing his brand and preferred flavor plastered all over it. “Uh.”

“You also said you were almost out of toothpaste but kept forgetting to get more. And I needed more floss so I was already over in that aisle.”

“You didn’t have to do that, H.” How in the world did he luck out to have the best best friend in the whole world.

Feel The Heat Through Your Phone by @larry-hiatus

Harry's heat wasn't supposed to come in the middle of the night while his mate Louis was on a business trip. Now that it's here, Louis has to help him through it in the only way he can.

Kisses In December by directaddress

"His name is Ernie."

Harry looks over at him, nose scrunched slightly like he's confused. "What?" His voice is hoarse and as deep as ever. Something in Louis' gut feels tingly at the sound.

"My car. His name is Ernie."

"Oh," Harry mutters. A wave of awkward silence washes into the small space as Harry stares down at his lap. You can’t hate the guy that gives you a ride home in the rain, right? Maybe you can, especially considering the level of hate Harry has already reached. So Louis stays quiet, wondering absently how many car rides it would take to get a friendly hug. He estimates around twelve, at least.

OR the one where Louis gets in trouble with Zayn and they’re forced to join the volunteer club. Louis is immediately infatuated the cute guy signing his hour sheets, but Harry has zero patience for annoying jocks. Until that changes.

now you’re in my life (i can’t get you off my mind) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed

Harry loves romance.

In theory, anyway.

He loves the romantic movies, the careful brush of fingers against the back of a neck, the hand holding and the endless gazes. He loves the possibilities, the tension and the wonder. He loves the idea of falling in love, finding someone to come home to.

In reality, it’s a little different. Because as much as Harry loves the concept of dating, the reality sucks.

delicate by @fallinglikethis 

They say opposites attract.

Maybe that’s why nerdy, shy Harry Styles has such a huge crush on rough, brash Louis Tomlinson.

And now, he's stuck in a lift with him.

an honest mistake by @disgruntledkittenface

“You look different when you’re not covered in come,” he blurts out, immediately regretting each and every life choice that has led to this exact moment. Elevator Guy is going to hate him.

Louis has ridden the elevator with his neighbor all week. The first time they speak, there’s a misunderstanding.

wearing nothing but your kiss by @dinosaursmatefics

The lift stopped and Harry sighed, picking up the shopping bag and looking up. They weren’t at his floor; in fact, they were at no floor. The lift seemed to have lost power, the lights flickering off and he was plunged into the relative darkness of a dim emergency light.

“Great.” The man in the lift with Harry sighed, then quickly crossed the small space and pressed the alarm button to no response.

Harry watched him with dull curiosity before… shit. It was that guy! Something Tomlinson, and if Harry wasn’t mistaken, he’d just been nominated for an Oscar. He dropped the shopping bag to the floor, his palms sweating.

---

Harry gets stuck in a lift with that actor with the incredible arse and tries to remember how to function as a human being.

nothing even matters (as long you’re mine) by cinnamons

“Nothing?” Harry can’t help the dry chuckle, running his free hand through his short, wavy hair, messing up his anteriorly perfectly styled locks. “I don’t think grinding on strangers is nothing.” His low, hoarse voice reverberates throughout the empty bathroom and he notes the slight shiver that courses through Louis’ body. The boy fidgets in place and squeezes his thighs together.

Or the one where Harry gets extremely possessive.

right now i can’t see straight by @lh-home

Just as Zayn is about to back away through her open door, the woman opens her eyes and looks right into hers, freezing Zayn into place. Cheeks flushed, she stumbles back into her apartment and closes her door, but not before the woman winks at her. Sitting on the floor of the barely furnished studio, Zayn tries to calm her heartbeat as well as ignore the growing feeling of arousal. The only thing assuaging her guilt is the fact that apparently the women did not mind being watched.

Zayn has some interesting neighbours in her new building.

The Air From My Lungs by kikiberoski16

“Please… Louis, please, help me,” Harry whispered. Begging was even more embarrassing, but he couldn’t endure it anymore.

Louis hummed. “Help with what?”

‘I don’t know.’

“Why are you shaking so much?”

‘I don’t know.’

“And why are you getting so hard?”

Or, Harry doesn't like to take showers in public for reasons he isn't willing to share, until Louis, the hot football captain, rocks his whole world.

I Feel Good About This by @musketrois

“I’ve said it before and I’ll probably say it again, but I understand if you don’t want to be with me. I have a lot of complicated baggage going on that is hard to handle. But you asked me to take a chance what seems like a lifetime ago and I’m not done taking chances. I feel good about this…I feel good about us.”

or

Louis and Harry have the hard relationship conversations.

I’ll Find a Home Inside Your Heart by pleasinglouis // @softloulove

In awe Louis stared up at him, his eyes wide and his lips parted. “I don’t usually make it a habit to go on dates with my clients,” he breathed.

Harry grinned, his touch light as he carefully swept a strand of hair out of Louis’ eyes. “Make an exception for me?” He asked cheekily, chuckling when Louis rolled his eyes.

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” Louis snorted and let Harry link their fingers together where they rested on the countertop. Finally, a shy smile crept onto those pretty pink lips of his and with his hands on his hips, Louis jut his chin out. “Are you gonna kiss me or what?”

Of course, Harry didn’t need to be asked twice.

.

.

Aka the Silver Foxrry fic

Good Night by @neondiamond

Harry and Louis’ three year old daughter is afraid of the monster she claims lives under her bed. When she comes into their bedroom and interrupts their alone time for what feels like the hundredth time, Louis finally takes matters into his own hands.

Virginia is for Lovers by @haztobegood

Harry and Niall go hiking in the Appalachian Mountains.

Soup, Sun and Sun Salutations by @littleroverlouis

Louis is bribed with the promise of brownies to spend the summer solstice with Harry in his backyard.

Between the special ingredient taking effect and Harry dancing in the sunshine, Louis is overwhelmed in the best way.

Beautiful War by @itsmotivatingcara

Five years ago, Louis was nearly the next victim in a string of murders plaguing Portland, Oregon. He managed to escape and the Angel Killer was apprehended and sent to prison. Now, Louis' a best-selling author that assists state police with minor cases. He still suffers from the events of the days he'd been held hostage, but he's found ways to cope.

That is, until the killings start up again. A body was found in the woods. A body that bared the same signature the media had dubbed: The Angel of Death.

Special Agent Harry Styles leads the case, and he doesn't buy into the clairvoyant bullshit that Louis spewed to save face five years ago. He's certain that Louis Tomlinson was involved.

Until they meet, and they're both left questioning everything they'd thought to be true.

Or

An FBI-Clairvoyant AU

All The Small Things by @restless-rebels​

Louis finally looked up, staring at the same boy from the laundry room, his hair dry and soft looking, a short quiff at the top of his head. “Hey, uh, Liam, right?”

The tall alpha nodded. “Not a problem, Louis?” The omega nodded. “Is your wrist okay?” Before Louis could answer, he felt a rush of calm wash over him, as though he took a shot of whiskey. He watched as Liam closed his eyes and smiled.

Louis cleared his throat, having forgotten for a second that he had even fallen. “I think so. I didn’t put all of my weight on it, at least I don’t think I did. I’m sure Harry will insist on wrapping it when we get upstairs either way.”

“Good, that’s good.” They stood there awkwardly, Liam’s hands still holding Louis’s arm, both just staring, neither saying anything.

Bluebirds Fly by @lh-home

Orville would laugh at the cheeky brat for that if he weren't so turned on by it. The words go right to Orville’s dick and he finally lets go of his cock as Harry leans over him to open the drawer in the vanity behind him, deliberately leaning his chest near Orville’s mouth. As Orville reaches up to grab at Harry’s breasts, Harry pulls back with a bottle of lube and some condoms in his hand. It’s Orville’s turn to scowl, holding his mask’s fringe to the left dramatically as he does. He knows he looks scary, but the teasing brat just giggles and pokes his tongue out. “Now, cowboy, no touching these goods right now or we’ll never get to anything else.”

Orville gets railed by his little bluebird on Harryween.

True As It Can Be by cherrylarry // @beelou

“Come into the light,” Harry requests. There’s hesitation but then the figure steps into the moon’s spotlight and Harry gasps.

The beast, for lack of a better descriptor, is tall; large and imposing. Blazing, intense blue eyes glare at her, and Harry isn’t usually that good at reading people, but it’s like she’s staring into the pained soul of this creature that is more human than Harry had originally thought upon seeing her.

At last, large paws with sharp claws pull down the lever to open the metal doors that trap Harry’s mother and Harry reaches for her immediately, pulling her into a hug and whispers into her hair, “I will escape, I promise.”

With that, the beast tears her mother from her arms and practically drags her down the stairs, not forgetting to close the cell on the way out.

a Beauty and the Beast au, but make it girl direction

Lost & Found In Oblivion by @thinlinez

Everything wasn’t at all like he had planned. He was supposed to answer the door calmly and coolly, like a proper experienced adult dressed in protective hoodie and joggers. Not like this. But this was what he had and he had no choice but to roll with it.

“I fucking paid for this, didn’t I?” Louis muttered to himself and took a huge inhale.

OR Omega Louis decided to hire an alpha for his heat to ease his touch deprivation, but little did he know everything would grow into so much more.

Watermelon! by cherrylarry // @beelou​ 

"Veggies and dip, strawberries, grapes, apples," he mumbled, pointing at everything as he said it. "What am I missing?"

Arms wrapped around his waist and Louis rested his head on Harry's shoulder from behind. He kissed Harry's cheek and rubbed his hands over Harry's growing pregnant belly gently.

"Why are you making your disgruntled kitten face?"

"Something's missing from the spread and I can't figure out what it is."

#28th appreciation #june reads #monthly reads #2022 reads

[leviathans-tail]

I’m so confused and I feel like such an asshole. There’s someone I’ve been talking to for a couple months now and we really get along. They asked me if I would like to date them today and I honestly don’t know how to answer. We have a lot of similar interests and values but we’re just at different points in life (we about the same age tho) and idk if we’ll be able to make it work. First of all, we live pretty far apart and idk what entails going into a long-distance relationship like this (or any relationship for that matter). They’ve been talking about moving for a while now and I don’t want them to move because of me, especially when I’m not sure about my feelings. I’ve had crushes before but they always just remained crushes. I never acted on them, nor did I have any real desire for a relationship with those crushes. Like I’m theory, everything seems good, but when I realistically think about it I’m averse to it??! I think??? I haven’t told them that I’m asexual yet which I have no idea how they’ll react to… (I will be telling them when I respond). Idk maybe I’m aromantic too and I just never realized. I just don’t get it because when it comes to fictional characters, I get fucking feral and I’ll say I want them to do unholy things to me, but when it comes to a real person who has an interest in me, I get nauseated just thinking about it. What the fuck is wrong with me???

Also like we’ve had a couple virtual dates and while I had a blast talking to them, I didn’t have any butterflies in my stomach or excitement about it the way I’d expect. I’ve only been on a couple irl dates before and I didn’t experience the butterflies then either. It just felt awkward and unnatural to me. Maybe I’m just afraid that because it’s a “date” or because we would be “dating”, that there’s an expectation of sex at some point and I’m not totally down for that???

I know some will say it’s pathetic that I’m almost 30 and have only had these limited experiences and I’m acting like how they acted as a teenager but this is all so foreign to me. Dating wasn’t even on my radar until undergrad because I knew I was asexual by the time I was 16 and was just trying to figure out the rest of my identity. For undergrad I went to small college without many “options” to date you could say. Then Covid hit while I was doing my masters, and now here we are.

Also doesn’t help that in undergrad I had a massive crush on a friend and I still have some lingering feelings as we are still friends to this day. We also have similar interests and even more similar values than I have with this person I’ve been talking to. Also, we’re in similar positions in life and imagine similar trajectories with our lives.

Also also minor thing but this person isn’t a citizen and there’s always the thought in the back of my mind that they’re just lying to me to get citizenship. I highly doubt this is the case because they were upfront about not being a citizen and explained their situation fully. They also seem genuine, but there’s always that voice in the back of my mind.

So yeah, I’m a mess, romantically speaking. I think I just need to stop talking to people.

If anyone reads this and has advice or can relate please say so. I would like to know that I’m not alone in this

#kitty speaks #asexual #aromantic #dating #aroace #ace #personal #ramble

[the-navistar-carol]

i rlly rlly don’t want to overstep any boundaries so if this question is weird then you don’t have to answer and just like ignore this pls

saying that my question is: how did you know your ace? in the post you and zee talk about how you met each other you mentioned how the way you realized you were ace was funny so i was kinda curious

again if i’m overshadowing at all i’m so so sry - 💜

Nah, purple-heart anon, you’re fine! Talking about how I realized I was ace is something extremely funny to me, so I have no problems telling that story. I might have mentioned it in a different post, but I can’t find it. Anyway, the TL;DR of it was that it kind of worked backward: I slapped the label on me after some surface-level research and found out that it fit more and more as the years went on.

Please bear in mind that we are talking about Twelve Year Old Dani here. She was kind of an idiot and idolized people she probably shouldn’t have, but it got me here today. So, props to Past Idiot Dani.

For context, I didn’t know that being LGBTQ+ was a thing until I was twelve. My parents just… didn’t bring it up. They’re not homophobic, it just never got talked about.

Also for context, when I started middle school, I had exactly one friend. My other two friends were going to different middle schools, and I still hated Zee with a burning passion at that point, so I had basically nobody. That was when I befriended a bunch of anime lovers and artists (which is what sparked my somewhat-used love of drawing). These kids were my friends, and I loved them, but some of them were… probably not who I should have been hanging out with.

One of them drew fanart of an anime we loved, and I wanted to be cool, so I started doing that. One of them had a DeviantArt, and I wanted to be cool, so I made one. One of them cursed up a storm, and I wanted to be cool, so I started doing that as well.

One of them, a cool ginger girl named Storm who wore beanies and had seen Owl City in concert, was bisexual. And I wanted to be cool.

An important fact about Twelve Year Old Dani was that Pinterest was my social media. Sure, I had made a Tumblr by that point, but I was too terrified to do anything other than blank reblog, for…. some reason. But what’s on Pinterest? Recycled Tumblr posts. And I found one about asexuality.

“Hey,” Twelve Year Old Dani said, sitting at the family computer, “this sounds pretty accurate!”

At this point, I didn’t know enough about how attraction worked, but I found girls pretty and I found guys pretty.

So the next day I went to school with the label bi-ace.

Another important fact about Twelve Year Old Dani is that she decided to hold off on dating until high school. That was it. I got zero crushes, zero boyfriends, and was attracted to nobody. Because middle school was dumb, and so were boys in middle school. Therefore, cue the Edna Mode voice: NO DATES!

As time went on and I got into high school, I became more aware of just how much the ace label fit me. Because I thought people hooking up in bathroom stalls/changing rooms/the choir couch was a joke. Pshaw, nobody wants to have sex in high school! What a pointless thing to do!

[please have a moment of silence for how much I was wrong.]

I’m physically attracted to people, sure. I can look at Chris Evans and his washboard abs, but I won’t want to lick them. I can look at Glen Powell and watch him flick a toothpick in his mouth, but I don’t want to be railed into a wall by the man. C’mon. Have some decency. People are like paintings! They’re pretty, I like looking at them, but ultimately? I can look away.

I never had a celebrity crush, because it’s based entirely on physical attraction. I never understood half the ships in the show Hetalia (don’t watch it), because it was a comedy anime. There was no chemistry for me to get behind! I never understood why girls raved about boy bands being cute. So they’re pretty. So what? I just… moved on with my day.

When I had my first real boyfriend in junior year (the stupid one from sophomore year doesn’t count), I got bored when making out. My mother, on the other hand, could do that for hours when she was a horny young teenager. That should have been the biggest and hugest neon sign if I hadn’t already realized it four years ago.

My story is… nowhere near what people think of when they think about how asexual people realize their sexuality. I’ve never met anyone who discovered their sexuality like I did, which is probably for the better. But it really saved me from feeling broken or weird later on, because I already had an explanation for all of the above, and it helped me recontextualize why I felt that way.

Does that help?

#ask #anon #purple heart anon #dani answers #asexuality #asexual pride #ace #ace pride #Dani Backstory #technically this counts as #unhinged dani hours #bc how unhinged does someone have to be for THAT to be the origin story