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our-aroace-experience · 4 months

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Hi! I just kind of... want to write about my experience here, I hope that's okay. This is sort of a vent related to my identity + aroace discourse so if anyone doesn't feel like seeing it, feel free to scroll!

So I'm most likely aroace, and I feel comfortable and secure in my asexual identity, but when it comes to identifying as aromantic, I always... just feel very conflicted. Am I aromantic? Most likely yes; I've never had a crush, don't have a strong urge to be in a romantic relationship, etc. and I'm in my early 20's so it's not like I'm "too young to know" or whatever else it is that people say to invalidate others' experiences. But I feel like some part of me doesn't like that part of my identity. I sometimes wish I could go out somewhere, like to a club or something, and have a sudden magical movie-like experience of meeting a girl and kissing her and suddenly feeling something new; or I wish I could meet someone, that I'm attracted to aesthetically, and truly start liking them romantically, like actually get a crush and not be able to stop thinking about them 24/7. I wish I was proven wrong about me being aromantic one day.

But also... I'm not sure if it's something that I actually want, if I could ever actually be in a romantic relationship and like it, or... if I'm simply aromantic and just don't feel comfortable in my identity, so much that I fantasize about it changing.

I'm also autistic so I suppose me not having any crushes might be related to that as well; I struggle with making connections and getting to know people in general. Also I can imagine a "type" I could have; I know who I'd like to have a crush on. But I've never been able to actually... make myself feel anything romantic. And when I think about the concept of how a romantic relationship is even supposed to start, how people just... apparently start flirting with each other and just decide to date? The sole idea feels so foreign and impossible to me.

When I was younger I feel like I was pretty certain I was aroace, and I was proud of that, felt confident about my identity. I think when it changed was actually when the "are aroace people lgbt or not?" discourse started popping up around 2018 or so. Back then, I've seen most people say that "being asexual and aromantic isn't enough to be called lgbt because you're not oppressed enough", many of my close internet friends included. Before that time, I always thought of asexuality and aromanticism as lgbt identities; didn't even suspect that anyone would think otherwise, so I was just... very surprised when all of a sudden I was seeing a bunch of people say that aroaces don't belong in the lgbt community (unless they're another identity that "counts"); it was like all of a sudden every single person was hating on asexuality and aromanticism, making fun of every aroace person who'd write about their experience, calling asexuality "boring" or "not valid" or "fake", talking about how aphobia wasn't real, etc. etc. And I think seeing that, especially from people who I considered friends, who'd always had "good" views on other social issues, made me be like: "Oh. Maybe what they're saying is right? Maybe I should get more educated on that and stop trying to invade other people's spaces?" I felt as if I couldn't have any say in the discussions, since I was aroace, and it was mostly people of other sexualities discussing it, people who "had it worse"; so I simply felt as if it wasn't my place to be like "you're wrong, I have a place in this community too" because... well, I was aroace - the identity that was being discoursed about and made fun of at the time, not someone who "had any say in the topic". And I think with time, since I kept seeing people go "aroace people are not lgbt" over and over again for literal years, I kind of accepted that and started... I don't know, thinking of my identity as "less"? Less important, less valid, etc.

Prior to the discourse I felt happy about finding my identity, about realizing who I am, I felt happy that my experiences were relatable to others as well and I felt welcomed within the lgbt community; I felt like I was a part of a community that understood, that was accepting. I was actually proud of being aroace. But after seeing all the discourse, I kind of... stopped feeling good about being aroace. I felt mostly ashamed of it; alienated from people who I thought were "like me". Eventually I even stopped identifying as "aroace" and changed it to "unlabeled" because now I'm even not sure who I am, because I'd prefer not being aroace. I know I wouldn't feel comfortable being with a man, I don't think so at least, but... I think I'd like to have a crush, I fantasize about being able to get a crush and be with a girl romantically, even though I never wanted any romance when I was younger. I kind of... feel like I'd feel so much more valid if I could just say "I'm an ace arospec lesbian" (or some other identity) rather than being like "I'm aroace but maybe not, it's complicated." But it's a thought that also makes me feel bad, because if I am in fact not capable of actually falling in love with someone, then wishing and fantasizing about the possibility that maybe one day it'll finally happen... makes me feel like I'm also invading other people's spaces. Which just sucks, and is not something I'd like to do. And I'm also aware that if I am just aroace and will stay single forever, I won't be in as much actual irl danger as other sexualities, like I know that. I know life would be harder if I was in a same-gender relationship and it'd be genuinely dangerous for me. But that feeling of validity, of feeling supported and accepted by an actual big diverse community... I miss that. And even though as of the last 3 or so years I stopped seeing mostly "aroace aren't lgbt" takes from other lgbt people, and started seeing almost everyone treating aroace ppl as a part of lgbt again, I still feel some of that... unsureness in my identity. I feel ashamed to say that I'm most likely aroace and I feel like I always have to add hundreds of disclaimers like "but I'm not cishet and maybe I like girls but I'm not sure, but I'm still figuring it out" etc. etc. in order to not be ridiculed, in case a person who likes making fun of aroace people happens to be reading it.

So, overall... I know this is probably such an unserious problem to have, I know people have it way worse, it just kinda feels like... even if I am aroace, I will likely never be able to proudly say it again with confidence, just in case it turns out that I'm not one day, or in case that's not enough for other people. Not sure if anyone can relate to that but if anyone does relate, or wants to add or say something... uh, yeah!

it’s very ok for you to share your experience here, that’s the whole point of this blog! i’m sure there are definitely people out there who relate to you!

#our aroace experience #aroace asks #aromantic #asexual #aro #ace #aroace #long post

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br1ghtestlight · 3 months

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Bob burger gender and seuxality inspired by @koko-raccoon

bob - bisexual and cisgender-ish but also he's had this interaction with louise at least once

linda - she's a supportive cishet ally but she's had Lesbian experiences in her youth so who could say. she also dated gay men in high school to help them stay closeted so she's an unofficial member of the lgbtq community <3 she's like dolly parton yknow

gene - genderfluid and pansexual maybe?? or gay? I don't have a lot of thoughts on his sexuality tbh

tina - polyamorous and straight. definitely a Girl but her being transfem also makes sense in my head so she's either trans or cis either way she's very much a girl. maybe bisexual but like 10% attracted to girls and 90% boys. a pretty girl who was a customer at the restaurant smiled at her once and she thought about it for the next week

louise - agender and uhh.... lesbian? aroace?? one of those she isn't sure yet. she loves rudy no matter what though. maybe demiromantic asexual. Triple A louise (aromantic asexual agender she identifies with NOTHING)

gayle - she's a lesbian but she doesn't know that. she's cis but in an agender way <- does not follow up on this or explain myself at all

jimmy jr - aroace & cis

zeke - he's transmasc and straight

tammy - cis lesbian

jocelyn - also lesbian :) and transfem but she transitioned when she was pretty young i think. she was one of those four year olds who told their mom they were supposed to be born a girl and her family just kinda went with it and she was on hormone blockers by 5th grade ("Good for her")

rudy - straight but possibly transfem in which case he'd be a lesbian. not sure. definitely has egg vibes

darryl - he's cishet </3 but his lovely girlfriend is bisexual so he's that type of guy who would be at pride anyway (does not clarify who his girlfriend is. doesnt matter)

teddy - bisexual and asexual bcuz @koko-raccoon helped me see the vision. he does not know asexuality is a thing. could see him as transmasc too for sure. also polyamorous but in a casual way its not something he'd actively seek out but he wouldn't mind being in a relationship with multiple people either (same w/ bob and linda) he's got such a big heart

mort - he's never labelled himself but i think he wouldn't question it if he was in a relationship with a guy or found himself attracted to one. he's easy. maybe he'd just label himself as queer

mr frond - probably transfem and definitely bisexual. also asexual i think

mr ambrose - going to quote @koko-raccoon here bcuz they got it exactly accurate. don't need to reinvent the wheel. "no label. Uses queer to describe himself. Will go by any pronouns and will fuck anyone and it will be considered gay sex no matter who you are"

sasha - gay and came out at like age 7

duncan - also gay and nonbinary somehow. he/they energy

marshmallow - transfem lesbian

calvin - bisexual but is more into men than women. maybe like 30/70 attraction wise

felix - has questioned his gender identity on at least five seperate occasions but it never goes anywhere bcuz its too stressful for him and he's a little crazy. always feels like he's "queer" somehow but he knows he isn't attracted to men so he doesn't know what else it could be. dressed up in his mom's clothes and makeup ALL THE TIME as a kid. dont worry she'll get there eventually

gretchen - straight but transfem

jimmy pesto - horrible horrible Gay man who has to work through 500 layers of internalized homophobia. he's like a gay man trapped in the body and mind of a 1950s husband

andy - aroace

ollie - demiromantic straight and asexual

harley - pansexual and she gets a little nonbinary w/ it. collects microlabels like stickers when she's older

henry haber - cishet but also supports his awesome pansexual girlfriend (susmita) him and darryl should form a club

susmita - pansexual as previously mentioned

#The pesto brothers.... call that the aromantic spectrum #txt #bob's burgers

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allthefujoshiunite · 5 months

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Hi, Nora....My friend and I made a list of ace and aro characters from BL, and then we get to Love For Sale. We think Sieon is aro, based on he never regret his previous relationships until he is with Namwoo. And how he felt so indifferent about them. But what do you think? Also, do you have any BL characters that you think are ace or aro?

Great question! And thank you for giving me a chance to talk about Sieon. I'm always happy to do so. If you want the tl;dr answer, I don't consider him to be one. However, as is always the case on Wild Wild Web when you express a thought or preference, people take it as me condemning all the other thoughts/preferences. So here's a PSA: if you consider him Aro, good for you! You can interpret him however you like.

Also, lots and LOTS of spoilers for the uninitiated.

As for how I read his character. I think Sieon is hard to understand for a lot of people because they expect him to be either this or that and try to put him into categories he doesn't fully belong in. It's one of the reasons why I'm so enamored with Love for Sale as a whole, and Sieon in particular. Dal Hyeonji, even though this is their first commercial BL work, does an absolutely fantastic job in this character study.

Back to the point. When the story was still being released, I entertained a similar idea myself about him that, maybe he's demiromantic. Not a romance-aversed aromantic, but still a part of the spectrum. Then I kind of abandoned that as well.

We are a melting pot of our environments, cultural codes, family, and our characteristics. That's why most of the time, it's hard to make out whether you've become something due to some external force or you were that something before anything else. A very lame example would be, do I find red lipstick sexy because I find it arousing, or is it because it was marketed in such a way that I am conditioned to think it's sexy? Similarly, it's not always easy to tell apart whether your feelings are genuine, you feel like you have to feel certain ways towards certain people, or something impacted you in such a way that you don't feel a certain way anymore. I know I'm being vague but hopefully, it'll make more sense now.

Sieon, having to shoulder her mother's emotional well-being and their reversed parent-child roles, has found himself in a position where he seeks gratification through the things he can provide to his partners so he can feel 'needed'. The comfort he can provide for his partner becomes his purpose to be in that relationship. I was throwing him bombastic side-eyes very early into the story where he never expressed any type of preference and was very evasive whenever Namwoo tried to probe. Naturally, it was quite frustrating for Namwoo. As for me, it was as if Sieon was trying to erase himself from the relationship and be there for Namwoo as a combination of 'bank account + lips to kiss + a hand to hold' and blend into the ether as a person.

That's also why his relationships ended the way they did. He knew his mom wasn't happy, and even if he tried to alleviate her pain, it ultimately didn't work, thus, the one last good deed he could do for his mom was to let her go. To not be greedy. To not be selfish and say "I need you, don't go." This is the root of his letting go of his exes 'too easily', rather than him not 'loving' his partners.

Here's where things get tricky. Ideally, a romantic relationship requires you to be vulnerable, communicative, diplomatic, etc. Ideally. But none of us are exempt from carrying our baggage with us into the next relationship, no matter how big or small. In that sense, should we say that just because Sieon hasn't been perfectly vulnerable or has been avoiding conflict, he was never in a real relationship before? I don't think we can.

One of the moments my heart ached for him was during his conversation with his close friend. He reiterates it later on when they're having the talk with Namwoo, but he desperately tries to convey that, no matter what his partners felt, whether they were satisfied on their own account or not, he was always genuine. Has always been. It may not fit the mold of grandiose, shouting-from-the-mountaintops, I'd-swallow-a-sword-for-you kind of love we are constantly sold in the romance genre, but that doesn't mean he isn't capable of love either. On the contrary, I think he does look for romantic companionship, but he just doesn't know how not to intellectualize his feelings.

So, in my opinion, "he didn't love anyone else before Namwoo" is not exactly the correct way to read him. Up until Namwoo decided that he was going to hold onto Sieon and 'show him a selfish love' in Sieon's mom's words, their relationship was following the pretty much same direction as the others. At first, Namwoo is content with what Sieon provides, but then he develops feelings for him and expects Sieon to return them in a way he can't. The same old story that is bound to end with a break-up.

Emphasis on 'in a way he couldn't'. The way I read it, his way of loving is different from what others deem as 'romantic love', so he's convinced that he can't reciprocate others' feelings. If that's love, and his feelings don't look like that, then he must not be in love after all. And when Namwoo shows Sieon that it's okay to be needy and selfish at times, and it's okay to be vulnerable and honest, we see that was the wake-up call he needed all along.

The verdict? If you consider his past partners through the "he wasn't able to genuinely love them" lens and interpret his "not being able to reciprocate romantic feelings" literally, you can think of him as an aromantic who's not really averse to dating. But as I've tried to elaborate, rather than not feeling romantic love, he does feel love and seek companionship but doesn't know how to handle conflict and can't break free from the behavioral patterns ingrained in him in childhood.

About aro/ase characters in BL. There's only one work that comes to mind which, interestingly, makes asexuality/demisexuality one of the core themes it explores and that's This is Love by Ziki Masaya. I have reviewed it before (click me) and I highly recommend it! I can maybe mention Sangwoo from Semantic Error, but then again, I think he's just autistic and his approach to romantic love for another guy is different from his normie boyfriend Jongchan because of that. I can't really think of any other works with Aro/ace characters as there's always romance/sex involved. Or maybe I just haven't paid enough attention! Let me know about the list you two came up with ~

PSA: I added the intro because the original link needs you to login to Lezhin as it's a Mature title, but you know the drill. Read on the official platfrorms!

#allthefujoshiunite answers #love for sale #dal hyeonji #bl manhwa #yaoi manhwa #lezhiin #spoilers

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radi0activesmile · 3 months

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Under the cut you will find a (somewhat disjointed) essay about my take on the Husk & Alastor scene from episode 5.

The working title is What Alastor did was not okay; however, I do not believe this one scene should be used to describe his typical behavior.

This is not an Alastor did nothing wrong post or a post where I try to make excuses / defend his behavior so I can still feel good about myself while writing him / enjoying him as a character.

I am very much aware that Alastor is, by no means, a good person.

Before you click, keep in mind these are my opinions and my takes. If you see things differently, that's fine. If you want to discuss them, that's also fine, as long as we're all civil adults about this.

Content warning: Racism.

First off, this post was mostly inspired by the peoplf of Twitter shrieking: OMG VIV MADE OUR TUMBLR SEXY MAN JUST AS BAD AS VALENTINO.

Well: They're all in Hell. They are not good people. We can stand around all day discussing if one crime against another person is worse than the other for various reasons, but that's not the purpose of this post.

Now, if you want to scream that Alastor is as physically abusive as Valentino because we saw him do this one thing one time, I disagree, not because I think he's a good person, but because that's just not his style.

Alastor has shown he gets what he wants through convincing people to do what he wants more so than physically forcing them. He said in episode 1 he can make others do as he wills, but we haven't seen him do it. We have seen him offer exchanges rather than force his will on them.

Example: Alastor wanted no part in interacting with television, but rather than demand or force Vaggie to stop trying to make a tv commercial (or to make a radio commercial) he offered her a deal: He'll help if he isn't asked to work with televisions anymore.

Viv once said Alastor is aromantic in the sense that he 'loves himself more than he could ever love anyone else.' The man has an ego, and we saw from his reaction to Carmilla saying she didn't care where he'd been that people not catering to that ego bothers him a lot. And she seems to be the norm rather than the exception. The only people who have acted... 'appropriately' to his return have been; Vox, for having a complete tantrum over it; Vaggie, for treating him like such a threat, and... maybe Pentious.

So, The Radio Demon's been walking around with a chip on his shoulder for five months when two things happen rapid fire:

Lucifer, King of Hell shows up, and (after hugging his daughter and petting some animals) what's the first thing he does?

Finds something Alastor changed and says it's bad, and then starts dismissing him as someone very insignificant. He even hints that the hotel has a good name until he realizes the name was Alastor's idea, and then insults it, and it's that It's a bad idea if it came from you that stomped on his nerve enough to make him say fuck you.

Honestly, at first I thought it was a warning sign that he was about to snap when he said fuck, since he so rarely swears, but he also said pissy in Stayed Gone, and his voice actor admits he did not know Alastor not swearing was a thing.

But swearing or no, Luci's clearly getting under his skin, and that might be because it's something he experienced in life.

Lest we forget, Alastor is mixed race. Born around 1900. In the south.

When he was alive and conducting his radio show, no one would be able to tell his race. There were likely incidents where he said something on the radio that got a positive reaction from people calling in, only to say something similar outside of his radio station and be dismissed because he's... this is tumblr so I'm going to say not white.

When he told Vaggie this face was made for radio that... might have been something a co-worker or a boss said to him in life. Yes, that's a looot of speculation on my part, but considering the time period... and the fact that he seems to say it with some amount of distain.

Alastor also seems to feel very strongly about found family vs blood family, which makes a lot of sense since same sex couples were made illegal in Louisiana (in order to protect white purity or something, I believe that's how the article phrased it?) So, if his father was in his life at all, it wasn't much. For someone who made fun of Charlie for having daddy issues, he looks to be projecting some daddy issues of his own.

Both feelings that are probably exacerbated by someone who actually knew him at the time in his life when he was looked down on and thought of as inferior just... busting right through the front door.

Ps, his eyes narrowing when Mimzy says the word mixed got my attention. Sure, maybe he's just annoyed his friend is so excited to see Lucifer, and, yes, I know she's saying mixed in reference to Lucifer being royalty BUT. He shuts his eyes when she says that word exactly.

I could go on about the racist undertones in the busboy comment and Lucifer's pure angelic power and other friends lines but. Let's talk about Mimzy.

Alastor has been putting up with this woman for over ninety years. He knows why she's here. He's already feeling insulted (both from five months of his ego getting drop kicked and Lucifer's actual insults) and now Husk stops him to tell him to tell him something he already knows.

Viv once said Alastor snaps his neck or breaks his back in order to unsettle people so they'll leave him alone / stop touching him, so if the fuck you wasn't the sign that he was about to snap, him breaking his neck when Husk called out was prooobably the sign that he was about to snap.

Now, yes, you and I both know Husk's just trying to give him a heads up, but Mr. Wounded pride over here seems to be take it like Husk thinks Alastor's too stupid to catch on.

Theeeen...

When Alastor says he can handle it, who in their right minds would cross me (the big, powerful, terrifying radio demon everyone has forgotten I am) Husk.... tells the truth.

A lot of people will try to cross him. He's been gone. They've forgotten him. Vox and Pentious have already tried to cross him, and there were probably more in that five month timeskip. Husk also said no one knows why (except him. Apparently he knows. Meaning Alastor either trusted him enough to let him in on this secret or he was there to witness whatever went down.)

I couldn't read if Husk was implying Alastor tell the others where he went or just trying to remind him his name isn't enough to frighten people anymore. Either way, Alastor cuts him off pretty suddenly because it's evident anyone else knowing is not something he even wants to entertain.

We saw in episode 3 how twitchy he gets when Zestial hints at wanting to know,

(his shifty eyes are too fast for me to catch with a screen grab but that's very telling that he's annoyed / uncomfortable... or Zestial's onto something with that holy arms comment. The fact that Alastor turns away from him when he says this line is also telling to me.)

So, Alastor does what we've seen Alastor do in the past when he's tried to show his power over someone: He gets in their face, touches them, and says things that he knows will bother the person. He's either trying to change the subject from his own powerlessness to Husk's... or just make Husk so angry that Husk doesn't follow him.

And then Husk... does what most in this situation would do: He throws it back.

And Alastor, with his chipped shoulder from five months of being dismissed and disrespected for the last five months, and whatever bad memories / feelings of inferiority Mimzy and Lucifer are stirring up, snaps, and makes one last desperate grab to remind himself that he's powerful, and that, despite being on a leash, despite being owned (like his grandparents likely were) he still has power over something. A once powerful overlord, in fact.

There may have also been some anger / broken trust if Alastor told Husk what was really going on and he thought Husk was threatening to tell the others... maybe.

Now. Does any of that make what Alastor did okay? No. No it does not (then again, they're in Hell. A lot of what they do isn't okay) but I think the people crying out that Alastor is a serial abuser who treats Husk like Valentino treats Angel based on this ONE scene might be jumping the gun a little.

Husk's shocked expression tells me he wasn't expecting that reaction. We saw in the pilot that Alastor usually takes Husk pushing him, defying him, and telling him to fuck off in stride...and just makes Alastor annoy him more.

Also, Husk was okay enough just a few minutes later to stand like ten feet away from Alastor, eat popcorn, and watch him tell off Mimzy (who I could type up a whole ass other essay about.) So... yes, he was shaking in the moment, so, maybe he knows he pushed the trigger button and that, now that Al's gotten to remind everyone why I am here, blow off some steam, feel powerful, and remind everyone what a big bad threat he is, he's going to go back to just being a pain in Husk's ass.

So... calm down please, Twitter.

#⛤My Work Became MUNdane ⛤ - out of character #⛤ Inside of Every Demon is a Lost Cause ⛤ - Musings #I have so many feelings about this episode #this is only maybe half of them

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spideygirl1725 · 2 years

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just a friendly reminder, it is not cool to put people in a box, and that asexuality is on a spectrum. please do not define every ace how you would define yourself if you're on the ace spectrum. and if you're not, then you shouldn't be dictating how others should be defining their sexuality.

i am personally closeted and still figuring everything out as of now, but i know i'm on the ace spectrum. every time i see a post that defines an ace person like there's a list of symptoms, it makes me feel like maybe i was wrong about myself. which hurts because when i was researching at first, asexuality really resonated with me and for a minute i understood myself pretty clearly all things considered. anyway i was excited and relieved that i found something for me.

sexuality is a very personalized part of everyone's identity, whether they are straight, gay, asexual, pansexual, aromantic, demisexual, demiromantic, and so many variations of those as well as many, many more that aren't off the top of my head but are still extremely valid. everyone has only the right to define themselves and should not have an active or intentional influence on how others define themselves. (if someone is inspired or feels that they can align with someone else, then that is THEIR OWN CHOICE and is also perfectly valid). whatever makes them feel like themselves is what they "should" be.

everyone needs to but out of everyone else's choices unless specifically asked to help decide. if that is the case then they should only be there to guide and support, NOT to direct or influence.

anyway this is much longer than i intended but i felt like this needed to be said for my sake and for anyone who needed to hear this.

#lgtbg #lgbtq+ pride #ace spec #ace positivity #please spread this #only if you agree tho don't feel like dealing with hate on this #don't agree then walk away and ignore this #spideygirl thoughts

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antiherotheantisocial · 2 years

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babes why don't you think you'll ever be in a relationship? ur breaking my heart here reading ur tags

skip to the tags for the short answer lmaooooooo

breaking your heart? secretly in love with me??? 😧😶‍🌫️ but aaahhhhhhh 😮‍💨💕

i'm aromantic 😭😭😭 i'm not sure that i've ever felt romantic attraction, nor even know what it is, so it's a bit difficult to say otherwise and i just realized this year. 😔 i mean when i think about it most of the "crushes" i've had are mainly centered around sexual attraction/infatuation/lust or whatever you want to call it lmaooo....i care for the person, it just never dawns on me that i want anything with them in a romantic sense, i'm wayyy too nonchalant for that honestly and everyone deserves the best, which is most definitely not me lmaoo 😭 like i've never even thought about it because for me it's like.....i would only be in a relationship if i know for sure i could be committed to building a future with them for life, or honestly i would probably be down for a relationship if they wanted. like why not i guess which....is also a problem because then it gets considered as settling lmaooo which for me it most definitely is not..

the only thing that i might be inclined to say is slightly close to romantic attraction that i experience is limerence. but it's not like....from a place of love. 😭😭😭 now that i think of it it's probably like, having intrusive thoughts of a person. it's just all the time and as much as i try to stop i can't and it sucks because i do actually care about the person for who they are but obviously that makes it seem otherwise 😭😭😭

it's weird to explain. i do want a relationship and i do want to build a future with someone special where i could support their goals and they are able to be emotionally open with me but i don't have to be emotionally open with them and we can cuddle and watch shitty ass med shows with the worst fucking cpr but, i'm super picky and have extremely high standards lmaooo like is it really realistic.....girl........be real 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i get on my last goddamned NERVE

and then it's like, i already know that i'll be paranoid probably and most likely won't be satisfied because i'm not sure that anyone's love will be enough for me. (quote in my ul tag)

and at the end of the day (finally right? lmaoooo) it's like morally i don't want to play with or hurt anyone's feelings.

like all of this is mine alone to deal with and it's things that i should handle and work through before even considering a relationship but realistically i'm not sure that i can fast enough sooooooooo 😔

i'm sorry my tags probably come off as some edgy loser (which i am mind you ☝️😈) but don't feel bad don't let my tags break your heart omggg 😭😭🥺💖 i'm just some guy that's a son's son daughter. 😭😭 i keep myself in a loop of extreme self-criticism for minimal growth lmaoooo i'm okay (trust me 🫡).

maybe i shouldn't've said never but like....extremely unlikely. like...99% chance that i won't. love really isn't something that happens to people like me which is....ok! it's still a joy to see it happen for other people 😌💕🥰🤍💗💕

anyways fuck it we ball 🥱💯💪😈⏭️⏫🥶

#the simple answer: i'm a loner lmao 😔#if you're secretly in love with me....you've gotta go through a minimum of my 4 ghosting stages first 😔 policy y'know 😮‍💨#see how i slid that little promotion of my ul tag in 😏 smooth eh? 😌#minimum wait time for a response after sending me an ask is 5 hours lmaoooooo i'm sorry i really be laying it all out 😭😭😭😭#like girl 🙄😮‍💨 keep it simple and keep it movingggg 😭😭 but i can't 😔#also please this was kinda sweet 💕🤍 you really don't need to concern i'm just overdramatic i promise 😭😭😭😭😭#hope you're well tho thank you for checking on me 🥺 whoever you are 😭😭😭😭💕💕#sorry i kind of hate when people check up on me hopefully this was thorough enough of an answer for you 😔#this really is excessive omg. how to like.....socialize tutorial when....😔😭😭😭#and how the FUCK do i do a read more LMAOOOOOOOO 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#followers i'm sorry y'all 😔 one day i won't overshare so much on the internet to make up for my lack of speaking irl 😔#💌

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shatterthefragments · 1 month

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10, 16, 53, 95 for the 101 asks!

Alright here we go!!! *cracks knuckles*

Thank you for sending these!!! 🥰💖

Apparently I had a LOT to say and am feeling chatty and lovely so:

10. What’s your boring hobby (that you still enjoy anyway)?

One thing about me is I Will Enjoy It Anyway. Even if it’s “cringe” (cringe is dead let us live) or I have to do it alone (which I PREFER a lot too)

…well. One could argue that most of my hobbies are boring, truly? (Or at least Certain People in my life do anyway :P) (I suppose I’ve picked up some more interesting hobbies in more recent years though ahaha)

A lot of art I do (or at least do in theory) is slow and tedious. Printmaking, painting, drawing, calligraphy, bookbinding, cross stitch bookmarks (I have never used a pattern and idk if I ever will I just like doing bookmark designs but it’s been A While), sort of learning to sew?, I intend to start quilting and maybe making paper and a few other things. I used to do origami. And I can still fold a crane from memory as well!?! I discovered a month or so ago when I thought I’d try making one while in a meeting bored!

Does Floor Time count as a hobby? Idk. But I need some Floor Time sometimes. Like. There was a post at one point where it’s like Angry at Everything? Treat Yourself Like A Toddler! Have some food and water and have some tummy time and maybe you’ll feel better? And I try to incorporate that into my life. So I have a yoga mat (that *should* be used for stretching at least) that I sometimes lay on. Sometimes it even helps. Or at least helps me feel a bit more grounded when I’m floating away.

Ah. I recently picked up Candles? And I enjoy candlelit showers very much :)

Reading? (Though I haven’t read any new unread books in a long time… atm I mostly just reread Martin Wilson’s What They Always Tell Us when the Desperation truly takes hold to give me a little hope :))

I… don’t think cooking is a boring hobby.

Boring is such a subjective opinion anyway 😁

Laying in bed snuggling my stuffies! As I am doing rn as I try to format this from where I pasted it in from my notes!

16. Romantically, do you prefer men, women, both, any/don’t care, or are you aromantic?

~ everyone ~

I mean. Sometimes I prefer men or women over the other or like a certain area of the spectrum? Anybody (especially those of a similar gender fuckery/nonbinary/etc to me or varying wildly from me…) is pretty much always like 10000/10 for me though like? Being able to be who you are 😘 idk how to phrase it right now I need to get ready for bed like sometimes I just. Fixate on certain genders more than others??. But like:

Generally though just. Anyone/don’t care 🥰💖😘

There are some other tangled thoughts I have about how previously I thought I could love anyone and everyone (I still have a crush on at least one of a trio of siblings I used to work with (I used to have a crush on all of them) tbh but it’s been years since I’ve seen any of them in person) (and let’s not talk about proximity crushes and how they always die for me) however nowadays I… well. One. I know now that I do in fact have a few standards/requirements. And like there’s a phenomenon where the closer I am to you and the more I love you the more I do not want to fall in love with you? Like I had a crush on several of my friends and also a sailor friend and like a couple coworkers I guess bc of the proximity? And previously I thought “I could love you. I would do everything I could to be perfect for you if you wanted me”? but now it’s like. Yeah no I don’t think we’d be good together and I don’t want to date you and I love you so much but I am not in love with you. Or maybe it’s just growing up? Or maybe something is just wrong with me and it manifests this way where I don’t want them to discover that I’m misaligned? ANYWAYS. not going there…

And I definitely do NOT consider myself aromantic. I do remember a comic from a while back about an aromantic person who was so in love with the idea of love and how it would always be out of reach for them that really resonated with me. But I don’t want to derail it. (In my own personal case maybe the answer is just to date someone for the first time)

Maybe the 25 years single are just. Making the Yearning pretty strong. Idk. (I’m made of “I Love You” I love you I’m not sure if I’ll ever be In Love but I love you!!)

53. What’s the most annoying thing that happens to you on a regular basis?

…can I say customers? Customers.

Or just like. Being out of something that should’ve been refilled when it was emptied out I guess. Lots of little work annoyances.

Outside of work: when I’m wanting alone time to decompress bc I’ve had to be On all day and people at home want to Interact but I’m just Not Having It.

Ah also gagging. On like. Everything. Scent? Texture? Moved wrong? Tried to do something while or after eating/drinking? Gag. Annoying as shit. (I took off traffic from here bc even though I hate it I have Bluetooth now and WILL sing along and enjoy the car speakers :))

95. Can you remember the last time you made a deep personal connection with someone?

Hmmmm how deep are we talking? I love my friends deeply? 😘💖🥰

I met a very close friend here after we started talking because I commented on her stories all the time 💖

And probably one of my beloved friends that I met when we were both part of the college’s student society (of which I still currently sit on the board of) is my closest irl friend?

And then there’s like. Is it reciprocal? I know she loves me back. And it’s one of my more reciprocal relationships though it’s more equitable than anything in my own opinion when it’s mentioned that maybe it’s not fair but uh. Actually. Im going to stop there. I love her so much and she loves me so much!

(Unspoken things don’t exist and I can’t let my mind make up falsities that are only there to hurt me this isn’t super connected though)

And I met another artist close ish to my age on my first sail training trip and we’re friends now and they’re awesome and I think we bonded. But even though I know they struggle to respond which is fine. It’s sometimes just. A bit difficult when they don’t respond for months and months at a time even though he’s local and I feel like literally being pen pals where I drop off letters would be more interactions than we currently do (which isn’t to say it’s not possible I have another one of my best friends local and we don’t really talk all that often most of the time but I love her very much!) and I also understand that my nearly frenetic energy when I’m riding the high of something is a bit high key for this friend sometimes bc he needs space to be able to think and be allowed to just simply exist. It’s just also easier to create that space when I see someone more regularly than when I feel like I have to do a Once A Year Catch Up type thing. Was hoping to foster that while we were on the same campus this semester but. Whatever. We’re friends and one day they’ll respond again and that’s enough :)

I always am. Uncertain if my perception of a relationship where I think we have a deep bond is actually true or not. But what’s that thing? “Subtext doesn’t exist just tell me straight out for my own sanity” or something. Bc that.

So: answer: yes! My friends!! Both irl and online ILU!!!

101. What’s been going through your mind lately?

Lyrics. Both my own and other peoples’. “Oh god I need to work on this the deadline is soon”. “I wish I had time for”… “am I doomed to get sick or can I still avoid it?” Need to sleep. SO MANY PROJECTS I WANT TO START!!!!! Ah yes I AM FARMER WHISPER LET ME PLAY~ is this my Emily playthrough? It might be bc I made my farmer with blue hair (I might dye my hair blue next too!). Go the fuck to bed. I want to- I need to- don’t- just go for it- and to quote my header (bc it’s. so fucking true): ready? No? GO. (Just go for it!)

…maybe I need to stop looping songs I sing along to bc it is kinda starting to be A Lot to be singing along so much when my vocals can’t take it. Currently fine though bc it stopped playing when i accidentally closed it. (Perhaps having Blood Sport repeating for two days straight so far isn’t the best idea to begin with though… Abelha here we come?!)

Hopefully goodnight!!! I need. To sleep.. soon.. I hope I can brush my teeth soon…

#ask game #ask games #shatters’ fragments #rambling #thank you!! I really enjoyed getting to ramble on!!#probably stream of consciousness style tbh ahaha but I guess it’s the lore behind shatters (bc I really love how ST tumblr is calling itLORE #should I try to make it a tag?#shatters’ lore #idk #this was fun for me hopefully it’s fun or not too much of a mess for you ✌️✨💖

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ryugunou · 11 months

Text

as it is pride month, I sit here still thinking about well...my own identity. I considered myself a straight ally for years now, but after having so many friends in the LGBTQ+ community, it got me thinking about myself.

To not beat around the bush too much, I'm currently questioning and considering aromantic. I never really had crushes as a kid. Either fictional or real. Maybe there were some that were close but I hesitate to call them a crush since well- I barely understand the feeling

But I still hesitate to give myself or accept myself with this identity. Because of this innate fear of me being wrong. And I do understand that if I do end up being wrong...it's ok. It's ok to be wrong. Still figuring things out and all that.

I also have thoughts of possibly being Demisexual. Because when I think about Sex, I only would wanna do it if it's with someone I have a deep and emotional connection with. There was a time when I scoffed at the Demi identity because I thought of it as "just having standards" But as time goes on, I think it's fine for those to identify themselves as such. Not hurting one at all.

And on top of that, I admit I don't really think of sex that often. Which I don't think should attribute too much. Not like every other LGBT or straight person just has sex on the brain, but I feel like it might be something considering as I piece the puzzle together.

So yeah, that's what's up with me. Trying to figure things out and just...have the confidence to go past possibly being wrong.

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erigold13261 · 1 year

Note

Sam and Norma

[I am no longer taking character requests]

-Sam

First impression: Pretty sure I was just neutral to Sam at first and didn't really like them until much later.

Impression now: NOW though, he is basically my favorite character in the whole game (maybe Mirtala is up there too).

Favorite moment: What's NOT to be a fave. Literally all interactions with Sam are amazing. I would say either the kinda rare cutscene with the Coach in the fishtank, or the whole pancakes scene are my favorites. (But come on, the power of whale where Sam was wiggling his arms and did a :3 face was also amazing)

Idea for a story: I need to delve deeper into Sam's mistreatment of animals and how it most likely stems from her family and how they treated her. I kind of brushed it off because I saw Sam as a favorite, but it honestly is a problem and should be analyzed and could come up with a really good story.

Unpopular opinion: I don't know if this is unpopular, but Sam should be allowed to be super weird. I don't know how the fandom treats star overall, but I want more weird and out there Sam content! I have trouble thinking of my own stuff, so I can understand that, but damn it I want more weird Sam! :D

Favorite relationship: Sam and Dion are probably the only non-canon ship I actually like and want to participate in instead of just passively looking at art or headcanons about.

Favorite headcanon: Aromantic and uses all pronouns, including neo-pronouns. Literally anything works for star.

-Norma

First impression: Her gaslighting/customer service voice is so different from her regular voice and it through me for a loop. I was also annoyed with her for like the first half of the game.

Impression now: I love her a lot. She is really fun and honestly I see a lot of myself in her in how I hold the rules and safety to such a high priority and want to get good grades to impress people around me.

Favorite moment: Her and Augustus was such a funny interaction honestly.

Idea for a story: Mirtala befriended Norma. At first Norma is just being nice to not have a child potentially scream and cry, but then she sees Mirtala having the smallest bit of psychic energy and decides to try and teach her to use it, hoping if she can get this kid to become a psychic, she could get some kind of extra credit or something to help her. But then the two become actual friends and even though Mirtala can't use her psychic powers like at all, her and Norma stay good friends and help each other out a lot.

Unpopular opinion: People hate on her way too much. Like they make her out to be the absolute villain sometimes when she was just trying to help. Yeah, she was a bitch, but considering the whole situation and how Raz came to be at the headquarters and then all hell broke loose, I think she had a good reason to be suspicious and on guard all the time.

Favorite relationship: Her and Mirtala being friends! Please! Those two for some reason make me so happy! They can be so close like sisters but better in the sense they aren't forced to be around each other and instead actually like each other for who they are (something Norma really needs).

Favorite headcanon: AroAce lesbian :3

#psychonauts #eritalks #noart #asks

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 1 year

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379 of 2022

Planets:

Life

Mercury: What’s your full name? I'm Joeri, but I'm not going to share the rest of my name, even though it's common here.

Venus: What’s your first language? Dutch.

Earth: Where’s your home? Middelkerke, Belgium. Even though I live somewhere else now.

Mars: What’s your sexuality? Asexual, possibly aromantic or at least very greyromantic, and definitely homo-oriented.

Jupiter: Do you have any siblings? One sister, she's 5 years younger than me.

Saturn: Any pets? Two cats.

Uranus: What’s your hobby? Shortwave radio and all things related - number stations, signal identification, all that. Also photography and travelling.

Neptune: When’s your birthday? 25 April.

Pluto: What time is it right now where you are? 21:34.

Moon: What are you currently studying/hope to study? I've been in the process of getting a degree from Dutch language, but I'm on hold due to my health problems. I have one more degree, though, from electrical engineering.

Stars:

Experiences

Sun: Have you ever had alcohol? Many times.

Sirius: Have you ever failed a class? Yeah, first time in uni. Anxiety was eating me up.

Rigel: Have you ever gone on a rollercoaster? Nope, and I don't think I ever would.

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country? I've been to 5 countries in total, not counting my own.

Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness? No, I don't cry.

Betelgeuse: What’s something you can never forget about? Taking my medication on time.

Aldebaran: What’s something you care desperately about? People I love.

Canopus: Have you ever broken a bone? No, never.

Bellatrix: Have you ever been forced to lie/keep a secret? No, but I keep secrets by nature. Maybe I should count my abuser to that, though.

Alphard: Have you ever lost a friend? Yes. Three years ago. I've had a very close friend who has the same first name as me, and he used to call me "his little brother". One day he just cut contacts with all of us, I didn't know why. Just this year I found out depressiion has overwhelmed him.

Vega: What’s something you’ve done that you wish you hadn’t? Had sex.

Constellations:

Favourites

Centaurus: Favourite holiday? Christmas, maybe Easter.

Orion: Favourite month? Anything from May to September.

Cassiopeia: Favourite book? Too many to count, I love reading books.

Delphinus: Favourite study? Physics, particularly electromagnetic waves.

Hercules: Favourite instrument? Violin.

Gemini: Favourite song? I have two ultimate favourites: Vildhjarta - Shiver and Lange Frans & Baas B - Ik Wacht Al Zo Lang.

Pegasus: Favourite place to be? My hometown.

Libra: Favourite colour? Black and green.

Phoenix: Favourite thing to wear? Hoodies, t-shirts with graphic prints, cargo trousers, wide leg trousers, platform boots or Converse.

Aries: Favourite movie? I don't like movies.

Cygnus: Favourite weather? Warm and sunny, or thunderstorms.

Hydra: Favourite sound? Sea waves, cat's purring, rain outside the window.

Galaxies:

Love/Friends

Milky Way: Who’s your oldest friend? M., I think.

Andromeda: Do you consider yourself social? Quite so.

Black Eye Galaxy: Do you believe in love at first sight? No. I get that sometimes people just click, but I have hard time considering it love. Not when you've known somreone for 5 minutes.

Cartwheel Galaxy: When was your first kiss? I was 22 at that time. Didn't like it much.

Cigar Galaxy: How’s your flirting skills? I come across as flirty, that's what I've heard about myself. But I'm quite oblivious to the body language and all that stuff. I'm just being nice to people by default.

Comet Galaxy: Have you ever had to leave a relationship because someone changed too much? No. The reason was he has shown his true face.

Pinwheel Galaxy: Would you date the last person you talked to? He's my husband already.

Sombrero Galaxy: Do you have a crush right now? Kind of, but it's rather platonic so it doesn't collide with my relationship.

Bode’s Galaxy: Have you ever had a secret admirer? No, this person was very open about it.

Sunflower Galaxy: Would you date/make friends with someone out of pity? No, I don't think so. I'd need a bond first.

Tadpole Galaxy: Would you deny a relationship/friendship? No, why would I even?

Whirlpool Galaxy: Have you ever cried over a breakup? Not cried, but it was emotionally devastating. He wasn't good to me, though.

Other stuff:

Wishes

Comet: What’s your big dream? To be healthy, and to come back to work.

Asteroid: What does your dream life look like? No disorders.

Meteor: What’s something you wish you could tell, but can’t? To this man, how much I like him and how Iwant to be friends with him.

Nebula: If you could undo one thing in your life, what would it be? That incident that took my physical abilities away.

Shooting Star: If you could bring back one thing, what would it be? Basketball trainings.

Pulsar: What do you hope to do in the next 10 years? Still alive.

Supernova: What’s one thing you want to do before you die? Travel the whole world.

Quasar: If you could spend the rest of your life with only one person, who would it be? My husband.

Wormhole: What’s something you wish would happen, but know won’t? Being friends with this man.

Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see? I don't want to think about it.

#survey #q&a survey #categorised survey #themed survey

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sadaroacegirlflux · 2 years

Text

hello, i just wanted to talk about love and how my view on it hasn’t changed, but at the same time, it definitely has.

when i was a child, i never saw love as something romantic. i saw it as a wide spectrum of different feelings. this is because i noticed i loved people in different ways. i loved my family, and i also loved my friends. i didn’t love them the same way, but it was still love with the same importance.

my parents and friends all talked about love, significant others and marriages as the same type of love, and other types of love weren’t as important, which led me to think that the person you marry is the one you love the most. i loved everyone equally, so therefore i shouldn’t marry.

i wasn’t told that love is romantic before my early teenage years, which then started to change my view, not only on love, but also myself. i’d felt outside since my preteen years when people started dating and talking about sex, but i never really thought about it that much. in my early teenage years, i started thinking that maybe there was something wrong me. i’d started realising society’s view on love didn’t match mine, and people started shipping everyone. “those two would be so cute together!” i’d already noticed my lack of sexual interest a few years earlier, but my lack of romantic interest became very obvious when i was around 13.

i was often shipped with a guy i went to school with. we were friends and i thought he was nice (spoiler alert, he was extremely toxic). i remember every time people said we should get into a relationship or kiss, and my immediate thought was “that’s not the type of love we share”. turns out, he didn’t even consider me a friend, and he constantly told me i was ugly and stupid. anyways, these two years made me feel so wrong about how i felt about love.

when i was 16, i had a friend who i enjoyed spending time with. i felt something towards her, but due to past experiences, i knew that, if i tried explaining it to people, they’d say i had a crush on her. i kept my feelings hidden until, eventually, i ended up leaning on her shoulder and we held hands. she understood it as a romantic gesture, and i felt like i was forced to get into a relationship with her

fast forward, we broke up a year after, and i was so relieved. i was a terrible person that year, and it is something i continue to regret.

this experience made me both confused and upset with myself, cause i didn’t think i could love. i blamed several incidents of my life, including my ex for a while. i imagined falling in love and being ‘fixed’.

in my late teenage-years, i started thinking that maybe there’s nothing to ‘fix’ and this was just how i was supposed to be. i often imagined myself living in an apartment with a roommate i love, but it’s not romantic love. it was another type of love that i didn’t understand. not married, but best friends living together, loving each other with their whole hearts. i stopped hiding my feeling from myself, and started listening to them instead, but i couldn’t make it make sense, cause society had told me things that didn’t add up with how i felt. i don’t think i knew i didn’t feel romantic attraction, but i knew i couldn’t talk to anyone about it.

fast forward two/three tears, and we’re half a year into lockdown. i took an am i gay-quiz and i got aromantic asexual. aromantic made sense. it was a word that described what i’d confessed to myself years before, but i’d pushed that confession to the side cause it hadn’t made sense to me. i’d heard bad things about asexuality, and because of that, i ignored the results completely.

three months later, i googled what aroace meant, and i knew that was me. i did a lot of research during the first half a year, i found a community i felt like i belong, i started realising that maybe i wasn’t so wrong about love in the first place

a year and a half later, and i’m back to my very first view on love, but with an addition: love is a spectrum full of so many different types of love. some people feel many, some people feel few. some feelings are strong, some feelings are weak, everyone feels it differently, and that’s ok.

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gay-otlc · 2 years

Text

Straight A Supervillain- 11

Sapphics!!

Kindly ignore my inability to write romance

“Can I get some advice?” Lani asked, twisting her hands together.

Naomi blinked. Lani… was asking em… for advice? Seemed fake, but okay. “I cannot guarantee that it will be good advice, but go ahead.”

“Cool.” A long pause.

“Um, you don’t like, have to-”

“Nah, I’m just gonna rip the fucking band-aid off.” Lani grinned, though it looked hesitant. “I’ve kind of been, like, questioning. My romantic orientation.”

Ignoring how absolutely awkward it would feel to discuss romantic orientation with eir crush, Naomi laughed and asked “And you thought I was the person to go to when you’re questioning? My gender is literally just confused screaming.”

“Yeah, I think my romantic orientation might also be confused screaming. And just when I thought I’d finally figured out the sexuality stuff, the split attraction model comes along.”

“Ahh, that’s annoying.”

“Right?” Lani rested her hands on her head and leaned back against the wall, eyes fixed on the ceiling. Naomi’s eyes stayed fixed on her. “See, I thought I was pansexual, and then I found out about the ace spectrum and everything and I figured panromantic demisexual worked better for me. But nooo, nothing’s ever that simple, and now I’m thinking I might be, like, on the aromantic spectrum?”

Naomi would like to think ey deserved some sort of award for keeping a straight (ha) face and not letting on that, oh, disappointment was sinking into eir stomach. It’s not that ey wasn’t happy for Lani figuring herself out, but just… unrequited bisexual pining. Ah, well. Ey was no stranger to unrequited bisexual pining. So ey smiled. “That’s great! Does that mean now you’re good at cards and archery?”

“Very funny,” Lani said, and that might have been sarcasm, but considering it was very funny, Naomi chose to believe it was genuine.

“Thank you.”

She sighed. “I don’t really know. This is all so complicated. I think I’m definitely, maybe, at least 90% sure I’m on the aromantic spectrum somewhere. But I don’t think I’m fully aromantic?”

This was a fucking rollar coster of hope and disappointment, but processing that was for another day. Supporting Lani was the main thing right now. Ey thought back to all the queer infographics ey’d seen. “So, like, what… greyromantic?”

“Maybe? Ugh. Like. I feel some attraction, maybe, probably. But it’s not at 100% allo? I could try to name a number, but it would honestly just be something random and it wouldn’t mean anything.”

“Hey, did you know that 69% of statistics are made up on the spot?”

A beat, and then Lani laughed. “Anyway, I was kinda psyching myself up to ask my crush-or-something to the VHS dance we’ve got coming up in a bit? And then the arospec crisis hit me like a ton of bricks, so now I just have no idea if I should ask em out.”

Wait. Em. Either there was another neopronoun user in this school (not unlikely, but…) or Lani was… talking about Naomi. As her crush. The person she possibly felt some romantic attraction towards. Eir leg bounced, trying to release some of the frantically excited energy building up.

“Em?” ey asked, barely keeping emself from shouting.

“Shit.” Lani flushed bright red and looked away. “Fuck. Um. Yeah. Did not mean to use specific pronouns for anyone. Oops. Sorry. I’m just gonna go let the floor swallow me whole.”

She stood up. Naomi stretched out a hand. “Wait! Um.”

“Mmm?”

“I like you,” Naomi blurted, and that was definitely the least romantic confession ey could have ever imagined. Ey stood up next to Lani, cringing. This scene had played thousands of times in eir daydreams, and this was… not close to eir ideal fantasy.

“You- what?”

“I have a crush on you.” Lani definitely wasn’t the only one wanting to sink into the floor right now, but also… but also ey couldn’t stop smiling.

Holy shit, please let this really be happening.

Lani smiled. “I kinda thought you might. But would me being… arospec, or whatever I am, be a problem?”

“Of course not! Honestly, Lani, I just like having you in my life, and I would really be happy to have you as a friend, and like… if our relationship is more romantic, I’d be fucking ecstatic, and if it’s greyromantic or something, I’m down for that. I feel like I’m probably saying this wrong but even though romance would totally be what made me happiest, I’d be happy with whatever you’re most comfortable with.”

Lani reached out to take Naomi’s hand in hers, and honestly, for a second Naomi thought ey might faint. “What if I don’t really know how I feel? Or how attraction works for me?”

“Hey, not knowing is fun. I mean, it’s hell. A little bit. That’s how it is for me with gender, you know? I’m looking everywhere for an answer and I’m not finding shit. I’m not really sure there is one, maybe my gender is just a big red question mark. But there’s something kind of cool about embracing that and just letting yourself be a question mark.”

A thumb brushed against eir knuckles. “I actually like that a lot. So we can just be dating, question mark.”

Ey couldn’t hide eir grin even if ey’d wanted to. “I’d like that. Lani, would you like to be my… maybe-girlfriend?”

“Yeah!”

“Great!”

Both of them smiled like idiots. Did the rest of the world exist? Did it matter? This was perfect.

“Do you want to be my maybe-girlfriend? Or maybe-boyfriend? Or… I don’t know, maybe-partner? What term would work best?”

“My earlier statement about gender being a question mark seems relevant now,” Naomi joked, trying to imagine the words. “What if you used girlfriend and boyfriend interchangeably? That would be so gender.”

“Yeah, sure.”

They fell silent again, going back to staring into each others eyes like they were in a fucking wattpad fanfiction. Naomi couldn’t stop eir gaze from slipping down to Lani’s lips more than once. And… Noel opened the door with a slam, ruining the moment. “Lani! Cameron needs help with an essay and I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m just the math guy.”

Lani’s hand pried away from eirs.

“Sorry. Am I interrupting something?”

Both of them blushed and stammared out what could only be called an answer if ey was being generous. Eventually, Lani cleared her throat and said “We’re maybe dating now.”

“Maybe dating?”

“I’m arospec, I think, and I’m not totally sure where that leaves us.”

Naomi couldn’t resist draping an arm over eir maybe-girlfriend’s shoulder. “But wherever it leaves us, I like it.”

“That’s very cool and I’m happy for you, but Cameron still doesn’t know how to write an introduction paragraph and I’m half convinced she’s about to break her computer in a fit of rage, so, you might want to come help.”

Lani followed Noel out the door, and Naomi, jaw slightly agape, flopped backwards onto the bed. Gaze fixed on the ceiling, ey breathed out “Holy shit.”

What had just happened?

“Holy motherfucking shit.”

The next day, Naomi held hands with Naomi walking to all their classes, and could not wipe the smile off eir face. At least, not until Professor Night pulled another “Naomi, talk to me after class.” Lani did blow a kiss as she left, though, so it was not as bad as it could have been. At least if Naomi died now, ey would die happy.

“Naomi?”

Shit. “Yes! Hi. Hello.”

“Have you completed the presentation on your plan for Blaze?” For once in eir life, ey actually had been productive. In a timely fashion, too! So ey nodded. “Excellent. You’ll be presenting it at our school wide assembly tomorrow.”

Naomi. Presenting. In front of people. Shit. Couldn’t ey just get detention? “Um… okay.”

It was not okay.

“Are you okay?” Lani asked as soon as ey walked into their room. Naomi groaned.

“I have to give a presentation.”

Lani patted eir shoulder. “That’s my worst nightmare, I am so sorry. My advice would be to just turn invisible but you cannot do that.”

“Light the auditorium on fire,” Cameron suggested from his desk.

And for some fucking reason, Naomi did not take her advice. No, Naomi was standing on the stage in front of a sea of people, who were definitely not on fire. Why didn’t ey take their advice? Fire was fun, but seriously, why couldn’t ey have gotten invisibility? Lani got to disappear whenever there were too many people! Honestly, it was so biphobic that ey couldn’t.

From the front row, ey caught Lani’s eye. She gave em a thumbs up and mouthed break a leg.

Maybe ey wouldn’t die after all.

Shakily, ey began reading from eir slides, now projected onto the screen. “Naomi’s plan to fuck with Blaze,” ey started, and before ey knew it, it was over.

And ey hadn’t fucked up too badly!

The second the crowd applauded and Dr. Plague took over the speech giving, Naomi ran off the stage and into Lani. “You did great!” she cheered. Before Naomi quite knew what was happening, Lani was grabbing eir hand and pressing a kiss to eir knuckles. It was unclear what exactly came out of eir mouth. Some verbal equivalent of a keyboard smash?

“That was terrifying,” ey gasped, once eir brain resumed functioning.

“But you did it.”

The tension seeped out of our shoulders. “I did it,” Naomi agreed.

They stood in comfortable silence as students began filing out of the auditorium. Noel and Cameron both high-fived Naomi once they reached em.

“You inspired me so much,” Cameron said, wiping away a fake tear. “I’m so motivated to fuck shit up.”

“Please, you’ve probably been motivated to fuck shit up since the moment you were born,” said Noel.

Naomi shrugged. “He’s got a point. Now, I am starving, so how about we go get some lunch?”

“I hear we’re having bagels today,” Lani said, and before she even finished, Naomi was sprinting to the cafeteria with speed ey didn’t know ey possessed. When the others got to their table, all regarded Naomi wearily.

“I think you’re going to make yourself sick,” Lani said finally.

Through a mouthful of bagel, Naomi declared “Worth it.”

She rolled her eyes, looking fondly exasperated, and twisted her hands together. “What would you think if I signed up to volunteer for Blaze?”

Naomi nearly choked on the bagel. After coughing a few times, ey exclaimed “You can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

Well, you see, it’s because you’d probably notice Blaze’s uncanny resemblance to me and connect the dots and then I would get expelled. But ey couldn’t exactly say that, so ey opted for “You might get caught.”

“It’s a good plan, Naomi, I won’t get caught. Plus, I can turn invisible, which is a major benefit if I want to sneak through his paperwork or something.”

“Yeah, but…” Ey flicked away a strand of hair. “I’m just overly paranoid, I guess. I’m your maybe-girlfriend and it’s my job to worry about you.” The thrill from the words almost silenced the anxiety bouncing around em.

Lani smiled. “I’ll be okay.”

And ey couldn’t exactly argue this more without giving away what ey was worried about being revealed in the first place, so ey just nodded and regarded eir plate. The knots in eir stomach made the bagel suddenly seem less appealing. All Naomi could do was brace emself for the inevitable shitstorm.

#straight a supervillain #these bitches gay good for them!#s writes things

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aro-comics · 3 years

Text

Debunking Arophobia (Part 6)

NOTE: This entire series is dedicated to discussing arophobia and it’s harm - in case this isn’t something you want to see, I’m putting each post in this series underneath a read more.

Debunking Arophobia, Part 6/7 - *As stated in the first panel, I want to clarify that technically, for demis and gray-aromantics there can technically be a "right person". I'm not demiro (so please, correct me if I'm wrong), but to my understanding being demi means there has to be a strong emotional bond first, before attraction can develop. In this case, there might be a right person, but there still needs to be an emotional component that isn't required for an alloromantic person to feel attraction to their "right person", so the situation is a bit different. And as for the gray-aromantics - I'm gray-aro myself, and I personally want to make clear that I don't believe there will be right person for me (due to how I experience my grayromanticism - see squishes vs crushes), but that doesn't mean this is the experience of every gray-aro. Some gray-aros identify the way they do because overall they experience no interest to people romantically, but with the exception of very few who they may consider the "right person/people". That is all well and good and doesn't change their experiences as arospec people overall (because they have still lived most of their lives not experiencing attraction to other people the way most of the population does). But that DOES NOT mean it's okay for someone to tell them they will eventually meet the right person. Again, this is a question of boundaries and what is appropriate to decide for other people, and re-inforcing amatonormative ideals for someone who tells you they are arospec right away is just flat out disrespectful 😔 Honestly wish any of this didn't have to be said. I feel like understanding should be a given, implied in the definition of being aromantic, but ... somehow, people don't understand anyway 🙃😬 Like, an orientation is generally understood as what genders can make someone experience attraction (even if you don't feel attracted to EVERYONE of that gender), which would imply that fundamentally ... it's also possible that no genders will trigger attraction? I just don't think it's that hard to wrap your head around 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ (also, I have no idea if this will make ANY sense to anyone else), maybe it’s a pan aro combination thing, but gender is so ... not a factor to me, ever 😂 maybe that’s why I feel so strongly about it, but it’s like the same “people” element that’s cool from a pansexual perspective is the exact same element that makes me go “ehhh 😬” as an arospec person. It’s interesting, but I just thought I’d throw that in there in case any of you were wondering why specifically I’m talking about the whole idea of “people” as a vibe/factor in arospec identity 😆

[Image Descriptions:

Slide 1: Celia gesturing with her hand to the side, looking unimpressed. She says “Second of all, the whole ‘right person’ idea still makes no sense because for aros there will never be a ‘right person’*. And it’s really not a case of being cynical or picky”. In the corner is written a small note, “Please read description”.

Slide 2: “A straight woman won’t feel attracted to other women, because she’s a woman too” Drawing of a conventionally attractive woman and man on the left and right respectively. Below, two bubbles with drawing of a woman. On the left, woman shrugs and says “eh”. On the right woman has hearts in her eyes and notes around say “wow”, “so cute!”

Slide 3: Celia speaking “it’s the same way with an aro person. There won’t ever be a ‘right person’”

Slide 4: “-because it’s the ‘people’ element that makes them not interested, romantically”. Below is the same drawing of woman and man from before, but this time bubbles are replaced with a blank figure wearing an aro pride button. They say “I mean, she’s pretty but ... eh?” Under the drawing of the woman, and “I dunno, he’s ok?” Under the drawing of the man.]

#RegularComic #DebunkingArophobia

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aspecpplarebeautiful · 2 years

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Hello! I hope you're having a nice day and that you're not snowed in (April surprised us with snow - not many people are happy about it).

I just wanted to vent a little, maybe ask for advice? Last year I accepted that I am biromantic, after some thought incidents when I was including women in my "I would love to have a partner" moments. And it felt really nice, it was kinda freeing because yeah, in my mind that means whoever I would fall for, I'd fall for, and it was okay. Recently though, the thoughts of being aromantic instead keep popping up and I'm just not sure what I should do. I know in my heart that I'm most probably aromantic, I didn't have any crushes in my life, I do not look at people and think of relationships or doing romantic things, hell, the idea of being seen romantically is kinda weird. But I do love the idea of affection, of the more-than-friendly one as well but without the pressure of romantic expectations (so I guess a QPR would be the best for me). The thing is, I really would not mind having it with a woman or a nb person, I'd love to. But I feel like a bi bracelet could be deceiving, despite the fact that I honestly love the label, I'm just not sure if I can call myself bi if it's not actual romantic attraction. Not to mention that I don't even believe in any chance of ever being in a QPR which is a completely separate issue, but also plays into the "why even bother" dillema

Labels like bi don't have to indicate attraction, some people do use them to indicate what genders or genders they'd be open to being with (and that includes within the context of QPRs). Generally I like the philosophy of using labels how they're useful, and if the label has use it's a good label (and yes, it can still be considered useful even if you don't think you're likely be in a QPR anytime soon).

The other thing about adjusting labels is that it's OK to go slow. Maybe there will be a time in the future where the bi label just isn't useful for you and you feel you don't need it. But if you're not feeling that now, then that may be an indicator that this isn't the right time to drop that label. I very much recommend trusting your gut when it comes to labels, if dropping a label feels wrong, it probably is. If you connect to a label, there's likely a reason that it's resonating for you.

So yeah, my advice is definitely to do feels right for you, Anon. I think we tend to think of labels as something objective, with a right and wrong answer. But often the right or wrong choice comes down to us and how we feel and what makes sense for us.

All the best, Anon! I hope you have a nice day too.

(Also, oof, getting snowed in in April is depressing. We're actually still in that awkward not really still winter, not quite spring yet period here, where it keeps jumping above and below freezing and the snow's not finished melting, But hopefully we'll be through it soon.)

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mittensmorgul · 3 years

Note

Incoming sad rant about the spn ending. Don't read if you're not interested in reading something like that, but I literally don't know anyone in real life I can talk about this with, and I really need an outlet:

Sometimes I can put the way SPN ended out of my head and think "it's just a stupid show. I don't have to accept the finale, and the writers/network are wrong." But other times I just get gripped with really intense sadness at the disrespect that was done to my favorite characters. To the point where I'll sit still for hours a day, just wallowing in it. It ruins my whole day and mood. And then I think to myself "I'll just find some other stories that end better!" but then I get sad again, cuz I don't think I will ever love other characters as much as I love Dean and Cas, and then I spiral again thinking about all the potential this unique beautiful love story had, and how we're never going to get the closure we deserve.

I really hate that after all this time, I'm a grown ass adult getting sad over fictional characters. I know it's not that trivial, but I sometimes wish it was so I could get over it 😞

Hi hi, and first of all *socially distanced internet hugs* I’m sorry you don’t have an outlet, but you’re always welcome to chat with me (if you come off anon we can talk privately if you want. My DM’s are always open, even when it takes me a bit to reply. no one should have to feel alone in this.)

I’m actually gonna start at the bottom of your message and work my way up, because I also, as a grown-ass adult, get sad over fictional characters. And I need to emphasize that this is the *point* of fiction. A well-written and developed fictional character is *indistinguishable in our minds from an actual real human being.* The way we react to them *feels exactly the same to our brains and bodies* as how we react to real people, and that’s a testament to just how well developed Dean and Cas were in canon.

I am not a young person. I have engaged with a lot of media over my life, and have *never* felt this strongly about fictional characters before, so I understand what you mean when you struggle to think about finding another story that ended better, or struggle to think about finding other characters you might become this attached to or experience this sort of emotional investment in. And I think there is another factor you didn’t consider there: The vast majority of other media I have engaged with, I was able to relate to on a level of “oh that’s nice for them” or “wow that sucks for them.” I have never, and possibly never will again, feel so utterly invested in fictional characters, to the point where it affects my real life as much as Supernatural has. Period.

I will likely never experience *literal physical lovesickness* over two fictional characters ever again. I hadn’t ever experienced it *in my own real life* before, and yet 15.18 triggered all those symptoms in me. As an aromantic person, this was pretty shocking to me. It also says a lot about just how real these characters feel to us, and how important they have become to us. They make us feel this! This is not an accident. It’s *incredibly difficult* to create fictional characters with this range and depth of emotional connection, and yet here we are.

I think that’s the biggest evidence possibly to present in defense of the statement that THIS IS NOT JUST SOME STUPID SHOW.

Other evidence: this fandom, still going strong after 15 years. Look at every SPN convention for proof. Look at AO3, where there are more posted stories about Dean and Cas than literally any other pairing on the planet (by a not-small margin, too). If that isn’t enough evidence, we have fanart to look at as well. Look through @theroadsofararchive where at the time of this posting there are over 40,000 artworks catalogued, and more being added all the time. Same with @canonspngifs where you can search through through nearly 75,000 gifsets organized by an excellent tagging system and made by dedicated fans out of love for the thing. This is all proof that you are not alone, that so many of us care just as deeply about them as you do. Not even mentioning the people who have written hundreds of millions of words of meta, articles, and even masters theses and doctoral dissertations on Supernatural and the fandom. This is a unique thing, even within the larger fandom culture. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your feelings for it are stupid or irrelevant or wrong.

But also don’t let anyone try to convince you that you must accept the finale as part of the story if you don’t want to. Don’t even let *yourself* believe that if you don’t want to. This show has done more to play with the themes of “what is reality” and “who gives a story meaning” and alternate universes and curses and djinn dreams to easily account for whatever the heck the finale was.

my current go-to theory: everything after Chuck’s defeat takes place in the Mockumentary Alternate Universe... it fits way too uncomfortably well... and then I just apply the fic I received in a cosmic transmission from the actual supernatural universe wrote detailing the events of what *I* hoped would transpire afterward. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me, mostly because it *has* to. It means far too much to me not to.

You are not alone in having invested yourself into this story, and these characters. Your feelings about them are not wrong or stupid or frivolous. And the proof is everyone else who feels the same exact way, who connected to this story (and to each other through this story), and whose lives have been forever altered through this journey together. The fact that Dabb turned out to have been Chuck Junior and couldn’t see (or was prevented from showing us) what Team Free Will would’ve chosen to do with that after defeating their original creator just stands to prove to me that the finale can’t possibly be The Truth, you know?

I don’t know if any of this will help you, or provide you some small comfort right now, but maybe it will eventually. We’re all processing the loss of the show and the abject failure of story that was the finale in different ways, and I’m sure our emotional reactions will shift over time. It was just A Lot to process all in the span of a few incredibly emotional weeks-- not even mentioning how all of that emotional response was compounded by the american elections and surrounding nonsense, the general stress of enduring a global pandemic and all that entails, and *waves hands around broadly at everything else contributing to the trauma occurring in the collective of humankind right now.* We’ve all been emotionally compromised, so be kind to yourself in how you feel you’re coping with it all.

And know that no matter what, you are not alone in how you’re feeling. The grief is real, and our brains don’t care if it’s felt for fictional characters or real people. This was honestly a once in a lifetime experience for a lot of us, and not even the wtf of the finale can kill it for us if we don’t let it. I reject that particular piece of rusty rebar and choose to believe in a just and narratively coherent resolution. To do anything less feels like dishonoring the story and characters who have drawn me in and made me feel so much for them over the years. If the story itself couldn’t honor them properly, then I can choose to do so myself.

#spn 15.20 #finale what finale #seriously though none of us are alone in this #Anonymous

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