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onceuponaoneshotfanfic · 11 months

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All Too Well (Superstar Ch 8)

'Cause there we are again when I loved you so

Back before you lost the one real thing you've ever known

It was rare, I was there, I remember it all too well

The Reader is left reeling after the Man City celebration.

Roy Kent x Reader

7.5k words

Warnings: Language, lots and lots of angst, some yelling

Finally! Thank you for sticking around through all the pain. Hopefully you can see the light at the end of the tunnel!

Read (Roy's Version) here!

“I don’t have go to work,” Keeley said to me as I handed her a travel mug of coffee. “I can cancel. Honestly, they can handle one shoot without me there to hold their hands,” she offered earnestly. “Or I can call Jamie to come spend some time with you, he wouldn’t mind, he adores you. The two of you could watch some telly, go out to lunch-”

I shook my head, my body feeling empty after releasing probably every drop of water through tears. “It’s fine, Keeley. I’ll probably just shower and put on a movie. Distract myself a bit.”

Her face was full of concern. “You sure babe?”

“I’m sure.”

Keeley sighed and began gathering her things. “Alright. But call me if you need me. Or call Jamie. We’ll be here in an instant, alright?” She pulled me into a suffocating hug, not caring about my morning breath or the ruined makeup that I couldn’t be bothered to take off the night before. “We love you, you know that?”

I nodded into her shoulder, a small part of me not wanting to let go. “I know.”

After Keeley left, I did as I said and jumped into the shower, planning on spending an unreasonable amount of time in there. The scalding hot water allowed me to feel something besides the aching in my heart. Despite what I’d thought earlier, there was still water in my body, because I sobbed the entire time I stood under the shower, trying to scrub the pain away along with the glitter from the club.

I only managed to get out the glitter.

I put on some sweatpants and let my wet hair drip onto the old t-shirt I’d thrown on. I wasn’t going anywhere; it didn’t matter what I looked like. I had just settled myself on the couch and was absently searching for a movie when I heard a knock on the door.

And, despite myself, I knew that knock.

Praying that I was wrong and that Keeley had sent Jamie to check on me after all, I hesitantly got up and walked to the door. With a trembling hand, I opened it, hoping to see the striker’s annoyingly pretty face in front of me.

Nope.

“Roy,” I choked out, blinking.

“What the fuck did you do?” he demanded, shoving past me and into my flat.

I closed the door behind him. “The fuck are you talking about?” I didn’t bother hiding the confusion on my face.

He ran his hands over his face, which looked like he’d barely slept the night before either. “Why the fuck did I get a bunch of texts this morning sending me this?” He held up his mobile to me.

Boy-Toy Roy Gets Laid with Aide

I blinked as I read and re-read the headline several times. “What the fuck is that?” I gasped.

“Someone overheard you telling Brittany Brett all about how you’re ‘shagging Roy Kent’,” he spat out, his face a deep red. “All about how I ‘take care of’ you.” He shook his head, hurt behind the anger in his eyes. “I fucking told you I hate the press. I fucking told you I didn’t want this fucking circus. And then you turn around and do this shit.”

“No, Roy, I didn’t-”

He held his hands up. “Fucking save it. I really fucking thought this-” He gestured between us. “-was different. That you were different. But you’re just like everyone else. Using Roy fucking Kent to get in the papers and make a name for yourself.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes. “How could I be so fucking stupid?” he grumbled, more to himself. “I was really stupid enough to think you’d want me, just Roy.”

I took a step towards him. “Come on, Roy you know I lo-”

“No.” His voice was strangled. “No, I don’t fucking know that. Not anymore” He sighed. “You just fucking stop talking about me, alright? I don’t want to make things worse, so I’m not going to ask Lasso to fire you. But you just leave me the fuck alone, alright?” He blinked several times, clearly pushing back tears. “Do at least that much for me,” he rasped. He turned and grasped the doorknob, yanking the door open and slamming it behind him.

My flat was too quiet, too still, after he left. I managed to get myself onto the couch, my head reeling with everything he’d just said. It had been one thing to have cracks on my heart; now it felt completely pummeled, destroyed to oblivion.

It was past noon when I finally dared to look at my mobile. As I feared, there were messages from my girlfriends, Keeley, and Rebecca, all sending me the article and asking if I knew anything about it. But the only message I cared about was from my mum:

Want me to come over?

It felt like only seconds after I sent my answer that she was at my door, pulling me into a hug the moment I let her in. Her arms tightened around me, her simple shh, shh more than enough to bring back all the tears I’d thought I’d run out of. She walked me to the couch, where I curled up into her arms and let out harsh sobs that I didn’t know I was capable of.

I’d had my heart broken before. Boyfriends dumping me, friendships ending, pets dying, failing tests. And each time, my mum held me and let my tears soak her collar as she stroked my hair, managing to make everything better just by being there. But this was a hurt that I knew a couple kisses from my mother wouldn’t fix. This was the kind of hurt that I knew I’d be carrying my whole life.

Roy was it. Not because I had this lifelong crush on him, not because he was my favorite footballer and it was destiny for us to end up together. But because he was Roy. He was the person I was always happy to see, who never failed to make me smile, who made me feel safe, who I could spend hours doing nothing with, who I wanted to spend forever doing nothing with. And I knew deep down that he had truly felt the same way.

And now it was gone.

I wasn’t sure how long I cried for. The only thing I knew for sure was that when I finally looked up, my mother was looking at me with pain in her eyes, that pain only a parent watching their child suffer can know.

“This isn’t about the article, is it?” she whispered.

I shook my head. “We broke up,” I croaked out, my voice nearly gone. “Last night. And this morning whatever this article is came out, and Roy came and told me off, and now I think…” A sharp pain stabbed me in the chest. “I think we’re totally broken.” My voice cracked. “I’m totally broken.”

Her arms tightened around me. “Oh, love,” she cooed.

She stayed for a few hours. For a while, she just held me while I cried. Eventually, she put on the telly and moved to my bedroom to get a load of laundry to wash. Then to the kitchen, where I could hear her making more than enough food to get me through a couple of days. By the time the sun began to set, she was back on the couch with me, folding clothes as we watched some trash reality show.

“Have you read the article?” Her question was barely above a whisper.

With a sigh, I shook my head, wincing from both the mental pain and the realization that I had a stinging headache, the kind that comes after so much crying. “No, not yet.” I paused. “Is it bad?

My mum let out a small hum of pity, her gaze focused on the trousers she was folding. “It’s… not great.”

I grabbed my phone, went to the text from Keeley (Babes, have you seen this???), and opened the link she sent.

My face burned as I read the article. It was crude, painting me as a gold-digger, only interested in Roy for his fame, his money, even alluding to the idea that I may have gotten my job because of him. Although the article didn’t name me, it was sickening to see myself talked about so callously, to see private details about my relationship shared without much thought. And it suddenly made sense why Roy was so angry with me that morning, why he looked so livid and betrayed. I wouldn’t want anything to do with me either if I’d read this article.

“It makes me out to be an absolute slag,” I choked out, fighting the urge to throw my mobile across the room.

“You’re not,” my mother assured me, taking my phone and putting it on the coffee table. “I know you’re not. You know you’re not.” She gave me a squeeze. “And Roy knows you’re not.”

I shook my head. “He thinks I did this.”

My mum held me for a moment, choosing her words carefully. “He’ll come around,” she murmured. “If he really loves you, if he’s really the fella for you, he’ll come around.”

If only he would.

After three days of dodging phone calls and text messages, I finally answered when Ted called.

“How’re you feeling?” he asked, genuine concern in his voice. “Keeley said you got food poisoning. Golly, I don’t think I’ve ever had food poisoning last three days before. Must be awful.”

“Oh, yeah. It’s pretty rubbish,” I muttered. “But I’ll be back tomorrow, alright?”

I could almost hear Ted’s smile through the phone. “Aw, I’m so glad, hon’. We all miss seeing your face. Roy misses you most of all.” He let out a small laugh. “You should see him, even more grumpy than usual, he might as well be hangin’ out with Snow White.”

My heart leapt into my throat at the mention of Roy. “Uh-huh,” was all I could get out. “I should rest so I’m ready for work tomorrow. Thank you for checking on me, Coach.”

“We’ll see you tomorrow!” he called cheerfully before we hung up.

‘Tomorrow’ came much faster than expected. I dragged myself out of bed, my entire body heavy, and slowly forced myself through the motions: shower, breakfast, teeth, makeup, clothes. I agonized over an outfit to wear; wearing anything Richmond made me feel sick to my stomach. I found a random jumper and put it on, not bothering to look in the mirror; all I’d see was the tiredness in my eyes that no makeup could conceal.

Arriving at the Dog Track was worse than getting ready for it. Immediately my eyes were drawn to one thing: that stupid giant black car. Of course he was already there. Of course.

I parked clear across the lot, not caring about how many steps that added to my walk. As I entered the building, I did my best to ignore how hard my heart was hammering in my chest. My knuckles were white from gripping my bag so tight, and I knew my face was just as pale. Each step I took towards the changing room was heavy with the knowledge that the closer I got, the more real this all became. Roy wouldn’t greet me with a clandestine smirk. He wouldn’t glance over to see if the other gaffers were around so he could give me a kiss. He wouldn’t spend all day sending me texts about our after-work plans.

He wouldn’t be my boyfriend.

The chatter in the changing room quieted as I entered. I nodded to the boys, who offered tiny waves and quiet greetings, welcoming me back. No one quite looked me in the eye. It made sense; even though none of them knew about Roy and me, they had all suspected there was something between us, even if it was just a mutual attraction. And honestly, it was painfully obvious who that article was speculating about; I was one of the only people at Nelson Road that Roy publicly tolerated, and I had been at the club that night. It didn’t take a genius to put the pieces together.

It was Jamie who nodded to me, making full eye contact and offering a wide grin as if it were a normal day at the Dog Track. “Welcome back. Food poisoning all better then?”

He’s an angel. “Much better, thanks.” I smiled at him, focusing on his face. “Got plenty of catch-up to do, so I’ll see you later.”

Jamie shot me a wink, his friendliness giving me just enough strength to turn my attention to the offices. Ted and Beard sat at their desks, feet up and coffees in hand. Ted was speaking animatedly as Beard nodded, neither one noticing me until I was in the doorway.

“Call me John Travolta, because Welcome Back, Kotter!” Ted exclaimed, jumping to his feet. He walked over and threw an arm around my shoulder. “I was starting to think you’d run off on us and gotten a job at another club.”

I managed a small chuckle. “My dad’d kill me if I worked for anyone but Richmond.”

Ted nodded. “Loyal. Gotta love it.”

A cynical snort from the adjoining office sent a jolt down my spine. It also caught Ted’s attention.

“Guess who’s back, Roy!” he called, steering me to the door I had spent all morning dreading. “And looking better than ever, I might add.” Ted shot me a grin. “Well, we better start heading to practice. Roy, you think you could hang back and catch her up? Thanks.” He didn’t wait for an answer before turning on his heel and walking out, Beard following him out through the changing room.

I stayed frozen in the doorway, avoiding turning my head towards Roy. Out of the corner of my eye I could see him still sitting at his desk, fists clenched, jaw set. I was thrown back to our first meeting, the day I started at Richmond, when he looked so annoyed by my existence. Now, however, he was more than annoyed. He hated me.

Doing my best to ignore the pit in my stomach, I went to my own desk and started taking out my things. I figured Roy wasn’t about to tell me a thing, but I figured I could piece together what I’d missed pretty easily. Plus, I could always go snooping around Ted’s desk if I needed to. Right as I was opening up my email, something caught my eye.

“Where’s my sticky note?” A lump formed in my throat. My little orange sticky note, the one that read “To my biggest fan. XOXO Roy Kent”, was gone. I turned around in my seat to face Roy, who still hadn’t moved. “Did you really fucking take it?” My voice was small, overflowing with all the hurt I’d been holding the past few days.

When he didn’t answer, I swiveled back around, letting a couple silent tears splash onto my desk. I couldn’t believe he’d take it, probably crumpled it up and thrown it away. Maybe even ripped it up. It was a stupid little sticky note- a joke more than anything else- but it felt like someone had yanked my heart out of my chest and taken out to the pitch to be kicked around by the guys.

“I didn’t fucking take it.”

I spun around, eyes wide. Roy’s head was turned to the side, only showing me his profile. His fists were still clenched on top of his desk.

“I didn’t take the note,” he repeated. “Keeley came in on Monday to grab some of your work shit. She took it with her.”

“Oh.” That was all I could say before I thought to add, “’m sorry.”

With a grunt, Roy stood, still not looking at me, and trudged out of the office, presumably to the pitch. I sat in my chair for a while, not moving, trying to block out all my thoughts. My attempt at emptying my brain was interrupted by a tiny knock on my door.

Keeley waved at me. “Hey, babes.” She walked over and sat in Roy’s chair, rolling it close to me. “Glad you’re back.”

I nodded. “At least someone is,” I sighed. I stared down at her shoes, all purple and shiny and way too high for me. “Keels, did you take my sticky note?”

She tilted her head. “Your sticky-?” Her eyes lit up. “Oh. Shit, yeah. When I was getting the stuff I brought to you on Monday I grabbed it. I kind of figured you wouldn’t want that thing staring at you the day you came back, you know?” She paused. “I hope that was alright. I didn’t chuck it or anything. I can go get it for you if you want.”

“No, that’s fine,” I hummed. “You did the right thing. It would’ve crushed me to see it up there. Just wish you’d let me know; I asked Roy about it.”

Keeley’s eyes nearly popped out of her head., “You guys talked?”

I snorted. “Barely. I asked if he took the note, he told me that you did.” My voice grew miniscule. “He wouldn’t even look at me.” A few tears spilled into my lap.

“Oh babe.” In an instant, Keely was out of the chair and was instead crouched down in front of me, stroking my arm sweetly. “It’s alright. D’you need to go home? I could drive you. Rebecca wouldn’t mind.” She paused. “She doesn’t know of course, but she assumes the article has something to do with you.” Keeley shook her head. “Shit piece, by the way. I’m trying to ask around and find out where the hell it came from, it’s absolute slander-”

“It’s my fault,” I whispered, wiping my wet cheeks. “At the club, Brittany Brett was all over me, and I got so mad I let it slip that I was dating Roy. I can only assume that either someone was listening in and twisted everything, or that she went and told a reporter just enough for them to run with.” I shook my head. “I’m such an idiot.”

Keeley squeezed my arm. “Hey.” Her voice was gentle. “Maybe you made a mistake. But this isn’t your fault. The damn media has no respect. Believe me.” She thought a moment. “Could you tell Roy about all this? Wouldn’t that help fix things?”

I shook my head. “He doesn’t want to see me. Or talk to me. He probably just wishes I’d drop dead.” I buried my face in my hands. “I kinda wish it too,” I joked dryly.

“Hey now.” Keeley pulled down my hands. “None of that rubbish. Just… give him time.” Keeley nodded. “Give him time.”

Time seemed to be all there was. Without Roy to keep me busy, I found myself alone in my flat most nights. No Roy, no Phoebe, no Oscar. Just me, on the couch eating takeaway and watching garbage reality shows. I went out with my friends a couple of times, but my heart wasn’t in it.

They’d initially asked me about Roy and the article, which I quickly shut down. I explained that Roy and I had a professional relationship, maybe a friendly one at times, and that the article was nothing but rubbish. Whether or not they believed me, they stopped bringing it up.

I did my best to avoid my parents’ house. On the rare occasions I did go over, I noted that while all my awkward teen photos were back, the photo of me with my cardboard cutout was still missing. I didn’t even bother going up to my old room; my dad was kind enough to run upstairs if I needed something from there. He was also thoughtful enough to not ask a single question about what happened; I assumed my mum filled him in on the necessary information.

At work, most people treated me gently. Only Jamie, Ted, and Beard treated me normally; Jamie because he knew all the details, Ted and Beard probably because they knew none of the details. Everyone else had bits and pieces, some true, some completely fabricated. But everyone knew that something was going on.

All that time was what led to me sitting on my couch, eating something I barely registered and watching something I didn’t care about, when a quick knock came from my door.

“Hello? You home?”

Frowning, I walked over to the door and opened it. Jamie Tartt stood there, holding a box in his hands and looking uncharacteristically bashful.

“Um, hey Jamie.” I blinked a few times. “What’re you doing here?” Jamie Tartt at my door in a neon pink hoodie and a fanny pack strapped to his chest was not something I’d planned on seeing, maybe ever.

He cleared his throat and took a step inside, looking nothing like the cocky player I knew. “I, uh, have some stuff for you.” He nodded down towards the box. “From Roy,” he added quietly.

My eyes darted to the box. Inside I could see my things from Roy’s house, things I’d left there over the past few months. A lump formed in my throat as I tried to hold myself together and not break down in front of Jamie freaking Tartt.

“Oh. Right. Thanks.”

“Should I… put it somewhere?”

I closed the door behind him, not willing to have any of my neighbors walk by and witness what felt like yet another humiliating moment. “Uh, yeah, just there by the couch.” Jamie did as I asked easily, then faced me expectantly. I sighed. “Thanks,” I repeated.

He offered me a tight smile. “You alright?”

“Yes. No. I don’t fucking know.” I let out a dry laugh. “Sorry you got roped into doing this.”

Jamie shook his head. “’s alright. He’s my friend. You’re my friend. I don’ mind doin’ stuff for my friends.” He glanced at the box. “Want me to, uh stay while you go through all that? I won’t watch or nothing. Just so you don’t have to be by yourself.”

My heart melted at the offer I didn’t know I needed. Keeley had a good one. “That’d be nice. Thanks, Jamie.”

He flopped onto my couch and took out his phone. “No problem.”

While he started scrolling through obnoxious TikToks, I knelt down and started rummaging through the box. Clothes, the extra toothbrush that I kept by Roy’s sink, my favorite mug for tea, the books I’d left on his nightstand, the Spice Girls CD he reluctantly let me play in his car. Every piece of evidence that I spent almost as much time at his place as I did at mine.

Well, almost every piece.

“Jamie,” I started, frowning. “Was this all there was?”

Jamie nodded absently, scrolling to a new video. “Yeah. That’s all he gave me.” He glanced at me. “Somethin’ missing?”

I nodded, digging through the box once more. “One of my Richmond sweatshirts. My favorite one, actually. Had it since I was in uni. It’s kind of my good luck charm. Like, every time I’ve worn it, I aced an exam, or the Greyhounds won, or my mum made my favorite dinner without me having to ask. And I know I left it there.”

“Want me to ask him about it?” Jamie offered.

“No,” I sighed, putting down the mug I’d been holding. “He, um, probably hasn’t found it yet. It’s fine. I’ll survive.”

Jamie joined me on the floor, sitting cross-legged and laying his hand on my arm. “Fuck yeah you will. You can survive anythin’, you hear me?” He looked thoughtful. “Would it help if I told you that Roy’s even more fuckin’ miserable than usual?”

I shook my head with a small chuckle. “I don’t think it would.” I laid my hand on top of his. “But thanks for trying, Jamie.”

He smiled at me, a soft, friendly smile, different than the one he usually wore on the pitch. “Anytime.”

As I strolled through the supermarket, I caught a flash of familiar blonde. My heart stuttered as I tried to focus on finding something to make for dinner. Maybe if I quickly grabbed what I needed, went straight to the clerk, walked out swiftly, I could avoid-

“Hi!”

Phoebe beamed up at me, still in her school uniform. At the end of the aisle, her mum held a shopping basket, an embarrassed look on her face.

“Hey, Pheebs,” I managed, trying to sound as excited as the child who stared up at me. “How’re you, sweetheart?”

She gave a small nod. “I’m fine, thank you.” A frown twitched on her face. “I’ve missed you. How come you don’t hang out with me and Uncle Roy and Oscar anymore?”

A lump formed in my throat. “Oh. Well, see, your Uncle Roy and I…” Fuck. How do you tell an eight-year-old girl that you and her uncle broke up and your heart is currently sitting in a million little pieces, and each piece was still desperately in love with him?

“Hey there.” With perfect timing, Roy’s sister approached, a tight smile on her face. “Sorry about Phoebe, she just sprinted on over the moment she saw you.”

I shook my head. “No, no it’s alright-” I stopped myself, realizing we were now nothing more than acquaintances. “It’s alright, Dr. O’Sullivan,” I finished.

Sadness flashed across her face for a moment before the forced smile returned. “Well, it’s good to see you.” She probably wanted to get out of the conversation as quickly as I did.

But Phoebe had other plans.

“Are you still coming to my ballet recital?” Her blue eyes, filled with childish hope, bore into mine. “You promised,” she reminded me.

Fuck. I glanced up at Dr. O’Sullivan, whose face was now a complete grimace. “Oh, yeah, of course.” What else could I say? “If, um, if your mum can get a ticket for me.”

Dr. O’Sullivan’s face softened. “Yeah, I can get you one.” She smiled at me- a real smile this time- and nodded. “I could drop it off at Nelson Road, if you’d like, next time I drop Phoebe off with-” She stopped. “Next time I drop her off,” she finished.

I shrugged. “You can just leave it with Higgins. Or Will. Honestly, you could even leave it with Dani Rojas. They’d all make sure it got to me.” I was starting to babble.

She gave me a pity laugh. “I’ll make sure it gets to you,” she assured me. She turned to Phoebe. “Love, why don’t you go pick out an ice cream for us to have after dinner, hmm?” Phoebe scurried down the aisle before her mother finished her sentence. Dr. O’Sullivan turned back to me. “Hey,” she started softly. “You don’t have to come if it’s too uncomfortable. Phoebe’ll understand.”

“I’d like to go,” I confirmed. “If it’s alright with you, I mean. I don’t want to intrude or make things… weird.”

“Things’ll definitely be weird,” Dr. O’Sullivan said with a dry laugh. “But it’d mean the world to Phoebe. We’d love to see you there.” She paused, clearly unsure if she should continue. “Listen. I don’t know what happened between you and my brother. But I will say that Phoebe misses you. I miss you. And if you don’t come to the ballet, I completely get it. But please don’t avoid us because you think we don’t want to see you. Alright?”

I hadn’t realized that tears were forming in my eyes until they threatened to fall. “Alright,” I whispered. “Friday, right?”

“Friday,” she confirmed as Phoebe ran back, holding up a box of ice lollies.

Phoebe looked up at me, clutching her ice cream. “I’ll see you at my recital, right?”

I nodded. “Yes. I’ll bring pink roses,” I promised.

Immediately, Phoebe wrapped her arms around me. Without hesitation, I hugged her back, giving her a tight squeeze. God, I missed her. I missed taking Oscar for walks together. I missed sitting on Roy’s back porch, taking turns reading out loud. I missed taking her out to get groceries so Roy could make dinner for the three of us. I missed going over to her house and laughing with her mom while Phoebe and Roy played together. I missed being part of Roy’s family.

I blinked back the tears before letting go of Phoebe. “I’ll see you two Friday then,” I managed to choke out.

Dr. O’Sullivan and Phoebe each offered me one more smile and wave- Phoebe’s smile taking up her whole face, Dr. O’Sullivan’s smile filled with sadness- and then they were gone. I squeezed my eyes shut, pretending that my heart didn’t just manage to break even more than it already had, and made myself finish my shopping.

“You’re really going?” Keeley looked at me with concern, clutching one of Rebecca’s pillows. “You don’t think that’d be too hard?”

I shrugged, picking at a loose string on my jumper. “It’ll be hard as fuck,” I admitted. “But it’s Phoebe. She doesn’t deserve to have me break my promise just because… because…” I trailed off, unable to finish, staring down at the ticket Higgins had handed me earlier that afternoon that now sat on Rebecca’s coffee table.

Rebecca joined us on the couch, shoving a glass filled with something from her bar into my hand. “But no one would blame you for not going,” she pointed out.

With my permission, Keeley had filled Rebecca in on all that had happened. She was a bit miffed to be kept in the dark for so long, but she quickly got over it in favor of being a supportive friend. She’d gone so far as to offer to move me to a different office or even a different position at the club, but I declined; Roy was right, it was best not to make things look worse. Instead, I allowed her and Keeley to schedule daily check-ins with me to make sure I was feeling alright.

“I’d blame myself,” I argued. “No matter what’s happening with me and Roy, I made a promise to that little girl. And I’m going to be there, no matter what.” Even if Roy is there. Even if he brings Brittany fucking Brett or some other gorgeous woman.

Keeley patted my knee lovingly. “If you’re sure you can handle it,” she murmured. “But if you can’t, you just text me and I’ll meet you at whatever bar you want, and we’ll drink until London runs out of booze.”

Rebecca added her hand on top of Keeley’s. “Me too.”

I stared at their hands, the hands of my friends who made me feel loved, who made me feel strong, like I would survive the pain I was feeling, despite the deep ache that still rested in my chest. I placed my hand on top of theirs. “Thank you,” I whispered.

We sat and chatted for a bit more before I reminded them that I had work to do and headed down to my office, feeling good about my decision to attend the ballet. Avoiding looking at Roy, I settled myself into my desk and looked at some emails I hadn’t gotten to yet that day.

For the millionth time since he arrived at Richmond, Dario poked his head into the office, beaming when he saw me, greeting me in his usual complimentary way. Even with his back to me, I could feel Roy tense up, the heat radiating off of him and smacking me in the face.

I grimaced at Dario, hoping he’d see it as more of a smile. “Need something?”

He shook his head. “No. Well, yes.” He paused, glancing over at Roy, who was still as a statue. “Could we talk privat-”

In a flash, Roy was up and stomping out of the office, the way he often left these days. With a sigh, I turned back to Dario. “Go on then.”

His radiant smile had returned. “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?”

“Oh.” I prayed that Roy was far, far away from this conversation. I prayed that he never found out about it. While I was at it, I prayed that I’d misheard the question. “Dinner?”

“Yes.” Dario nodded, clearly excited. “With me.”

I blinked a few times. “I, um, don’t think your girlfriend would like that very much, hmm?” I asked, trying to keep my voice light and friendly, as if this chat wasn’t causing me absolute turmoil. “She’d probably murder me.”

Dario shook his head earnestly. “Oh, you have not heard then? Brittany broke up with me.”

This conversation cannot get worse. “Really?” Despite my best efforts, my voice shook at this development.

“Si. She said that, while we had fun, she wanted something more serious, and she did not want it with me.” He shrugged, clearly taking his breakup better than I was taking mine. “I will be okay though. Especially-” He grin once again filled his handsome face. “-if you go to dinner with me.”

I shook my head. “Thank you, Dario, but I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Because of Coach Kent?” He raised his eyebrows at me. “Because I know everyone says you have a crush on him, but honestly, belleza, I think you and I would have more fun together.” He paused, thinking. “Besides, he is going to get back with Brittany any day now.”

“I’m sorry?” If my heart sank any lower, it would be in the ocean by now.

He nodded. “This is what Brittany told me. She and Coach Kent are going to get back together.

This man needs to get out of my office before I start crying. “Thank you for asking, Dario,” I started, trying to keep my voice even. “But I’m going to have to say no to dinner.” Without another word, I got up and walked briskly past him, through the changing room, and out to the parking lot, where I sat in my car and cried.

I composed myself and went back to work before leaving to go get ready for the ballet recital. The theatre was walking distance from me, so I allowed myself a nice stroll, figuring that being outside would be good for me. On my way, I popped by a flower stand to pick up pink roses for Phoebe, taking great care to pick the prettiest, brightest ones I could find. Even if I felt like my world had ended, at least I’d get to see the smile on that little girl’s face when she saw the flowers I’d promised her.

When I arrived, the theatre was already packed with families, all excited to see their tiny children jump and dance about. I snuck a glance at my ticket and asked an usher to point me in the direction of my assigned seat, right on the aisle. I heaved a sigh of relief as I sank into it, unable to believe my luck. I hadn’t run into anyone I knew, so I’d have the whole show to prepare myself for the inevitability of coming face to face with-

“Oi.”

My head snapped up. Roy stood over me, programme clutched in his hands. His frown seemed permanently etched into his face these days, and his eyes were unreadable as they stared down at me.

“You came,” he grunted.

All I could manage was, “I came.” I swallowed hard, praying my tight grip didn’t squash my flowers.

Roy squinted at the letter on the arm of my seat. “I think that’s me,” he mumbled, pointing at the empty seat next to me.

“Oh,” was all I said. I stood, intending to step out into the aisle so he could go in, but before I could shift, he made his way past me, having to press his body against mine in the tiny pathway between rows. My heart fluttered at the first bit of physical contact we’d had in weeks; his body felt so familiar, so comfortable. More than anything, I wanted to freeze that moment, feeling his warm chest pressed against mine, feeling like home.

It was far too soon when he settled in his seat and I dropped back into mine. I fidgeted with the flowers in my hand, heart hammering so loud I was sure Roy could hear it.

“You brought them.”

I turned to him. “Hmm?”

He gestured towards the roses on my lap. “The fucking roses. For Phoebe. You actually brought them.” He raised his thick eyebrows at me.

“’course I did,” I answered. “I promised, didn’t I?”

He stared at me for a moment, looking as if he was really seeing me for the first time. “You did.” He turned his attention to the empty stage. “Phoebe’ll be excited,” he mumbled.

I couldn’t think of anything else to add until I noticed Roy fiddling with the programme in his hands. “Shit, I didn’t see the programmes,” I muttered, starting to stand so I could find where they were being passed out before the show started.

Roy let out one of his signature sighs and held his up. “Have mine.”

“You sure?” I asked as I sat back down. When he nodded, I took the programme out of his hand. “Thanks.”

With a curt nod, he took out his phone and checked the screen. “Fucking hell, is this thing ever gonna start?”

Unable to resist slipping back into old patterns, I snorted as he returned his mobile to his jacket pocket. “Why? D’you and Jamie Tartt have a hot date or somethin’?”

“No,” he huffed. He paused, tapping his finger on his knee, eyebrow raised. “D’you and fucking Dario Vargas have one?”

My heart stuttered as I frantically shook my head. “What? No. Why the hell-”

“Ladies and gentlemen, please take your seats, the show is about to begin!” an annoyingly bright voice called over the sound system.

It took every ounce of strength I had to sit in my seat and turn my focus to the dancers onstage. All I could think about was Roy, sitting beside me. Roy, watching his niece dance. Roy, who didn’t start yelling the moment he saw me. Roy, who gave me his programme.

After the show ended and the dancers had taken their tiny bows, Roy nodded to me. “My sister’s supposed to meet me out front with Phoebe. You can come with me.” He paused. “If you want.”

I nodded. “Thanks. I, um, I’d like to give Phoebe her flowers.”

“Alright.” He stood and gestured towards the exit. “Let’s go then.”

I stood up and exited the row. For just a millisecond, I felt Roy’s fingers brush mine before quickly pulling away. When I glanced back, he was wearing his stoniest expression, looking ahead of me into the crowd, but the pink tint to his cheeks was undeniable. My heart slammed against my chest; he forgot. For a brief moment, Roy Kent forgot he hated me. He forgot that we weren’t together. For a brief moment, he had reverted to the Roy who would naturally grab my hand as we walked through a crowd. The realization brought a new ache to my chest, a dull one now, anchored in… well, hope.

We briskly walked outside the theatre, weaving our way through the crowd of families all trying to find their own little dancers. I glanced at Roy, wondering if I should revisit his question about Dario and me. After all, Roy was the one who brought it up in the first place.

“Roy, I-”

“Uncle Roy!” Still clad in her leotard and tutu, Phoebe burst through the cluster of people around us, launching herself into Roy’s arms, her mother trailing behind her.

He squeezed her back before letting go. “You did a great job,” he praised, nodding emphatically. “Some of those other kids absolutely fucked up, but not you.” He poked her on the nose. “Fucking amazing.”

“Thank you!” She turned her attention to me, her eyes bright. “You came!” She wrapped her arms around me.

I couldn’t help but laugh and hug her back. “And you were wonderful!” I let her go and held up the flowers. “I believe someone was expecting these.”

Her smile widened. “My pink roses!” She took them from my grasp, burying her nose in them. “Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Dr. O’Sullivan beamed at me. “Thank you so much for coming.” Without warning, she reached out and gave me a hug, the way she had done each time I left her house after dinner or when she came over to Roy’s to pick Phoebe up. A warm, friendly hug that told me she was happy to see me.

When we let go, I saw Roy eyeing me, his expression neither full of the adoration it used to hold nor the anger he’d displayed the past few weeks. It was just… thoughtful. Gears were turning behind his eyes, and I’d have let the Greyhounds be relegated again for a glimpse of what he was thinking.

I cleared my throat and turned back to Phoebe and her mum. “Thank you again for inviting me. I should get going.” With a small wave, I turned around.

“Where’re you parked?”

The sound of Roy’s gruff voice froze me in my tracks. “I, um, walked.” I blinked at him; I didn’t need to tell him that my flat was close by. He knew.

He nodded, that thoughtful expression still on his face. “I can drive you home. If you want.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Dr. O’Sullivan raise her eyebrows. I ignored her and cleared my throat. “Sure. That’d be nice.”

Roy gave his niece and sister each another hug, then nodded down the street. “’m this way,” he mumbled.

The walk to his car was silent, but it was a different silence than the one that had clouded our office these few weeks. It felt much closer to the silence we used to share on his couch or in bed; comfortable. Once we got to his car, we both reached for the passenger door at the same time, just avoiding contact.

Roy cleared his throat and looked down. “Old habits,” he grumbled, yanking the door open for me. He quickly crossed to his side and started the car as I got myself settled. As he pulled out onto the street, he cleared his throat again. “You didn’t get to finish earlier.”

“Finish what?” I asked, although I knew exactly what he was referring to.

A giant sigh escaped his throat. “About Dario Vargas,” he answered through gritted teeth. “I know he asked you out. All that ‘talk privately’ shit.” He paused. “Not that it’s my fucking business.”

I crossed my arms. “You’re right. It’s not your business,” I retorted. I lowered my voice. “But I do want you to know, I turned him down. I’m not over-” I stopped myself from saying I’m not over you. “I’m not interested in him,” I finished.

Roy nodded. “Well, I’m glad.” He paused. “I mean, I’m glad you’re not going out with someone you’re not interested in.” He quieted, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel as he thought. “Oscar misses you.”

My heart somehow managed to crack again. “I miss him too,” I whispered.

“Yeah, he’s always fucking looking at the door, like he’s fucking waiting for you. Sniffs around where you liked to sit on the couch.” He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. “If you, I don’t fucking know, wanted to pick him up and take him for a walk sometime, that’d be fine.”

I didn’t hesitate. “I’d love that.”

Roy’s mouth twitched, something I hadn’t seen in weeks. “Thought you would. Oscar’d love it too.”

“Could I pick him up tomorrow? After the match?”

Roy nodded. “Yeah. That’s fine. Just text me, yeah?”

I couldn’t help but smile. “Yeah.”

We were quiet for the rest of the drive, but it didn’t feel as painful. For the first time since the club, I didn’t feel like I was sinking around Roy. In fact, I felt the very real possibility that we could eventually be… well, maybe not friends, but friendly. It was the most I could hope for.

He parked in front of my building, his eyes flickering up towards my flat. “Alright then?”

I nodded, ignoring the sting that came from the realization that he wasn’t walking me up, for the first time ever. “Alright.” I got out of the car, unable to help but note that the stupid black car lingered until I was inside the building.

In my apartment, I moved around like I was walking on a cloud. Something in the car had felt so different, and it felt good. As I prepped something for dinner, I felt my mobile vibrate in my pocket. When I looked at the screen, I saw I had a simple text message from Roy Kent⚽:

Hey. Think we could talk?

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#roy kent superstar #he's here he's there he's every fucking where #roy kent #roy kent fanfic #roy kent fic #roy kent x reader #roy kent fanfiction #ted lasso #ted lasso fic

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mint-yooxgi · 1 year

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{7} - Paradise Gardens - Yandere!Demonic Entities!Ateez X Reader

Yandere AU & Demon AU - Book Two to Hotel California

Genre: Mature, Horror, Angst, Fluff, Slight Humour

Pairing: Ateez X Reader

Words: 8,120

Warnings: Anxiety and PTSD, mental illness, and inferred depression. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: Emotional turmoil is always a fun thing haha but I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel! Next chapter should be a bit longer hopefully, so I hope you'll excuse these shorter ones for now. As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy~

Also, gentle reminder that I don’t do tag lists.

Mini Masterlist - Part One - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six

Falling.

The harsh whipping of wind against your skin is all you can hear as you tumble towards the earth. Each breath is a struggle as you attempt to fill your burning lungs with air, the pressure of such an altitude detrimental to your every move. Your chest aches, throat scraped raw with the shrill shrieks of terror that escape you as you tumble through the sky. Tears leak from your eyes uncontrollably, lids squeezing shut in tandem as you can barely get a grip on your surroundings.

Everywhere, all you can feel is pain.

Free falling has always been described to you as a feeling of utter weightlessness, but there isn’t a cell in your body that you cannot feel. All of which are heavily screaming at you in terror.

Never have you been able to feel the full weight of your heart as you do right now, every twitch of your fingers sending jolts of unpleasant electricity racing up your arms. The cold of your body slicing through the air is unlike any sensation you’ve felt before, and with every foot lost, you gain momentum.

Is this how it all ends? After nearly killing a man that you love, having him admit your worst fear for the moment that you are to blame, and having your heart nearly burst from your chest at the sheer pressure of its pulse, you will land upon the earth like a falling star?

Your skin begins to heat, replacing the utter cold you had been feeling only moments before.

You don’t want to die. Not like this. Not now.

You got yourself into this mess, you can certainly get yourself out of it. Though, you have no idea how far the ground is from you. You could make impact at any second, and you count yourself lucky that you’ve lasted this long already.

Concentrating hard, you focus in on your room back home. Perhaps you can simply transport yourself onto your bed, and forget that this ever happened for a little while. Hopefully, you won’t be disturbed, either. None of them will probably want to see you, anyways. Not after what you’ve done to their brother.

Yet, no one will be able to blame you as much as you blame yourself. The guilt begins to eat you alive, mind darkening into that familiar negative territory the longer you allow your thoughts to go unchecked.

A sob tears from your throat.

Faintly, you feel several worried brushes against your void. Three are much more urgent and firmer than the others, constantly keeping pressed up against you as their strings all hum furiously with movement.

What would happen should you choose to open your mind to them? Would they forgive you? Would they figure out what’s going on and leave you to suffer?

No. You know that they wouldn’t. They could never.

But then, how long would it take for them to find you?

Too many thoughts continue to race through your mind, clouding your better judgment and drowning you in self-doubt. Your emotions are all over the place, but the constant ache in your chest reminds you of the harsh reality that has just occurred. Honestly, you just wish you could numb the pain.

How much time do you have left? You seem to be falling for quite a while. Perhaps you started from a higher altitude than you had originally realized. Jongho’s blood is still running through your veins, after all.

Again, several frantic brushes against your void are felt, much more urgent than the first.

Fear grips you once more as you attempt to crack an eye open. You can barely see through your blurred vision, the wind whipping passed you and stinging you all over. All you can recognize is mountains, and a large lake that seems to be getting closer and closer with each passing second.

Another scream of absolute horror rips passed your lips. You feel as if your heart is about to burst from the intensity of its beating within your chest. The ground below gets closer and closer, and your mind scrambles with what to do.

Only one thought begins to get clearer and clearer: you need help.

A glint of gold flashes out of the corner of your eye, and your whole body shakes as a tremendous roar pierces through the air. A presence begins to fall alongside you, large and ominous, but you do not feel threatened. No. Instead, you are relieved; comforted in an unfamiliar way as a faint glow begins to emanate from your brow.

Suddenly, it’s as if the whole world stops.

No longer feeling the intense harshness of the wind as it whips passed you, you crack open your eyes.

A level view of the surrounding mountains greets your gaze, and it is then that you realize that you are gliding through the air. Your hands grip onto something solid beneath you, and when you look down, you see scales beneath your fingertips.

Not just any scales.

Dragon scales.

The dragon is unlike any that you have seen before, the sheer size of it spanning at least fifty metres in length. The scales are a matte black, gold weaving throughout the cracks between and glinting beneath the light of the moon. Spikes line the crown of her head, golden veins lining the horns which protrude from her skin. Seamlessly, she blends into the night surrounding her, nothing more than a dark blur against the clouds.

You don’t have to meet her gaze to know that it’s a deep gold.

A second later, and a dark blue dragon circles around the larger one’s back, followed by a green amphiptere who’s tail flicks worriedly behind her. Both shift to fly closer to you, situating themselves above the large dragon you rest upon and flanking you on either side.

Silent tears continue to stream down your face the entire flight back to the dragon’s nest. Luckily, it seems as if you’ve managed to teleport yourself quite close by.

Fifteen minutes later, and that little cliff face is in sight, an albino wyrm slithering restlessly back and forth.

Mon is the first to offer you help down from the large dragon’s back, sliding up beside you and allowing you to grip onto him as you climb down. Both Xiron and Yerra hover close by, offering their assistance in any way that they can.

A blink, and Wyno is standing before you.

You don’t even have a chance to say anything before both of her hands are coming up to cup your face tenderly. Nothing but concern can be seen in her golden eyes as she searches your gaze.

“My Child,” her voice is low, steady as she searches your bloodstained face. “What happened?”

Several frantic brushes are felt against your void, each male trying desperately to reach out to you. You know they’re probably worried out of their minds right now, but the feeling only makes you feel worse.

For the third time that day, you break down.

Immediately, Wyno wraps you in her arms, your whole body collapsing into her hold. Sobs wrack your entire form, tears streaming seemingly endlessly from your eyes as your grip tightens around her. Gently, she strokes your back, cooing comforting words into your ear as she begins to calm you down.

You can faintly hear worried whines coming from the three young dragons surrounding you. Soft coos of their own escape them as you feel them tenderly nudge their heads against your lower back and legs. A reassurance that they’re all here.

“Shh,” Wyno brings a hand up to cradle the back of your head. “My Child, let it all out. I’m right here; you are not alone.”

You sob harder.

“Whenever you’re ready, My Child, know that I will listen to whatever it is you have to tell me.” She assures you.

Your void rumbles. Urgently, each male attempts to reach out to you, desperate for an answer.

Faintly, you brush back.

The instant you finish brushing against their strings, their attempts to contact you strengthen tenfold.

You nearly stumble on your feet, legs threatening to give out at any moment. The constant feeling of them pressing against your mind only makes your mood drop further, your throat tightening as your emotions consume you.

“I can’t-“ you shake your head, whole body trembling in her embrace. “I can’t-“

“Let’s get you inside,” Wyno keeps her voice steady, wrapping her arm around your waist carefully for support as she begins to guide you towards the cave.

A minute later, and she’s sat you down in a small wicker chair. Another, and a steaming cup of tea is handed to you, the three young dragons surrounding you on either side. A cloth rests in her hands as she dabs the damp material against your skin, cleaning the now long since dried blood from your features.

Slowly, you manage to get your breathing under control, thanking Wyno lightly. She sends you a small, tense smile back. Once she’s finished cleaning you up and attending your wounds, she pulls a silk robe around her shoulders. Then, she’s sitting across from you.

“Do they at least know where you are?” Calm are her words, gentle in her inquiry.

You shake your head, taking a light sip of your tea.

“Do you want them to know where you are?”

A brief pause where you consider her question.

A blink, and you’re shaking your head yet again.

“At least-” your voice comes out raw and strained. You clear your throat. “At least not for now.”

“I do not know what happened, My Child, but do not underestimate the lengths they will go to find you.” She addresses you cautiously. “They would tear the whole world apart looking for you.”

Your gaze drops, a sadness taking over your features.

“Do they at least know that you’re safe?”

“I-“ you sigh, squeezing your eyes shut as your head begins to pound beneath their constant bombardment. “I don’t know.”

Wyno inhales a deep breath before making a clicking sound twice through her teeth.

A blink, and Stella appears hovering in the air between the two of you.

Softly, the raven coos at you, circling lightly around your head as she sees the state of distress you seem to be in.

More clicks can be heard from Wyno, Stella landing on your shoulder and standing at attention. You swear you almost see the raven nodding in understanding.

“Do you have anything on you that Stella can bring to them to let them know you’re alright?” Wyno turns her golden gaze to you.

“Uh,” you swallow lightly, blinking all the while. “Yeah.” You clear your throat. “Yes.”

Moving your hands to the back of your neck, you unclasp the necklace you always wear. The chain hangs precariously from your hand, the replica of Arwen’s Evenstar dangling like a gem in the somewhat dim light of the cave.

“I have told Stella not to let them know where you are until you are ready to see them, but they are stubborn.” Wyno informs you. “They might demand she tell them. They may search her mind, or force it out of her with their powers. Either way, she will stay with them until the task is complete, and I summon her again.”

You nod your understanding, watching as Stella gently clasps your necklace in her beak by the chain. Another soft coo is heard from her.

“She wishes you well,” Wyno hums, somewhat approvingly. “Also, that she’ll peck out the eyes of whoever hurt you.”

You manage a small chuckle at that.

“Thank you, Stella.” Your lips pull upwards weakly in the corners. “But I did this to myself.”

A concerned caw greets your ears.

“Hurry, Stella,” Wyno inclines her head. “Before they start tearing the realms apart.”

In the blink of an eye, the raven has disappeared from sight.

Your gaze falls to the cup in your hands, thumb tracing the side of the ceramic gently. Your shoulders curl in on yourself, but at least you immediately begin to feel some relief from their constant brushing against your void. Still, you recognize those same three strings - one royal blue, one lavender, and one yellow - all humming faintly in worry, even more so than the others.

“Now,” Wyno draws your attention back to her once more as she sits forward in her seat. “What is it that you believe you’ve done that warranted you crashing to the earth like an astroid of old?”

Your whole body stills, and you swear you forget to breathe. Finally, that feeling of numbness you had so desperately been hoping for begins to spread throughout your body. It starts in your chest, creeping outwards as you continue to stare down at the cup of tea held desperately in your hands.

Your lips part, only to close shortly after. No words escape you despite the fact that it all wants to come spilling out. You don’t want to burden Wyno with your problems. Problems of which you hadn’t realized had still been bothering you until today.

“Speak, My Child.” She keeps her tone steady, but still tender all the same. “It is best not to allow these thoughts to fester, lest they continue to consume you. I promise that I will listen, and provide my best insight should you desire it.”

Mon soon slithers beneath the legs of the chair, resting his head by your feet and nudging you in comfort. Xiron comes to sit on one side of you, while Yerra takes the other. Faintly, you register the feeling of a wing wrapping around your back in comfort. Turning your head, you see a translucent blue hue shining beneath the light of the cave. You smile weakly.

“I-“ Again, your voice catches in your throat. “I don’t know where to start.”

“Begin wherever you deem it necessary for me to understand.” She smiles assuringly at you, a hand reaching over to squeeze your knee.

Softly, you nod your head. Taking a deep breath in, you begin.

You do not start at the very beginning, no, but you go far enough back where you deem all of these current issues started.

Naturally, you begin with Miyeon’s torture. You explain to Wyno every minute detail of that day that demon appeared in their domain. Nothing is spared, and you divulge to her the hurt you had undergone. The hurt you’re still suffering from because of her. Facts of which even the males have never been privy to, lest they recall the state your body had been in when they arrived back home.

The way you can see her jaw clench, claws sharpening into points as she curls her hands into fists on her lap has you shifting in your spot. Low, threatening growls escape her with each exhale, her fangs on full display as her lips curl back over her teeth.

Luckily, none of the males seem to appear at any point. Looks like Stella is keeping them away for the time being. A fact which helps your shoulders to relax, even unknowingly, the longer that they stay away.

Quietly, Wyno takes your one hand in hers, listening to everything you have to tell her. She is able to calm herself enough to allow you to continue, patiently sitting beside you the whole time and offering you comforts in her own way. You don’t seem to realize, but when you are explaining what happened three days after the events of Miyeon, your whole visage begins to glow softly.

Recovery is a tricky path to navigate, but even she can tell that those eight males have helped you in more ways than you realize. You spoke true two days ago, and you understand that. Even if your state of mind seems to be battling your logic and reason for the moment.

Sometime during your recount, you manage to finish your cup of tea. You place the empty cup down, only for Yerra to gently rest her head in your lap. The young dragon nuzzles into you affectionately, nothing but worry shining within her eyes. Though, she cannot help the way they flutter shut once you begin to stroke your free hand over the top of her scales.

The more you speak, the more you seem to relax. The words flow from you like a steady stream, cleansing your soul with each second that passes. The fact that Wyno simply just listens is more than you could have ever hoped for right now, and you’re grateful she’s letting you get it all out.

When you finish your recount of the harpy meeting, Wyno finally allows herself to let out a snort.

“You certainly did put that chicken in her place, My Child.” She grins, noticing how your lips quirk faintly. “Only a true Queen could do that.”

You can feel your cheeks heat, thanking her lowly before continuing.

Finally, you begin to breach the events of the last twelve hours. Of course, you remain vague about all of the explicit details, but from the knowing look in Wyno’s gaze, you can tell that she’s long since figured that out.

“Yes, I had assumed something of the sort,” Wyno nods, recognizing how you begin to slow down in your retelling as the most recent memories begin to consume you. “I can smell him all over you.”

A grimace crosses your features as your fingers begin to subtly press a little firmer into Yerra’s head. She appears to be sleeping, eyes closed as her chest rises and falls evenly while resting in your lap.

“You consumed his blood.” Not a question, but an observation.

“And he consumed mine.” You confirm.

“Which explains how we found you tumbling through the air earlier.” Wyno nods.

Your brow furrows. “I did that?”

“My child, who else could it have been?” She chuckles. “You have already divulged that the eldest’s blood allows you to glance spirit souls. Is it not so farfetched to believe that the youngest’s could allow you to teleport?”

“No.” You rub the tips of your fingers together gently over the skin of your thumb, mocking the way they would trace over your therapy pebble. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Now, tell me what warranted all of this.” She squeezes your other hand reassuringly.

You take a shaky breath in, averting your gaze in shame as you confess to everything that has just happened to you.

The whole time, Wyno remains quiet. Her golden eyes scan your face carefully, noting every small twitch of your brow and downturn of your lips. She can hear the pain you fight through with each word. The guilt, self-doubt, and remorse you hold onto comes through loud and clear.

Your gaze is haunted, and a chill runs down your spine. There are tears in your eyes as you admit to what Jongho said right before you disappeared, whole body trembling as you succumb to your emotions once more.

Faintly, you register Mon slither out from beneath the chair.

“My Child, please look at me,” Wyno’s voice is gentle as she shifts forward on her chair to get closer to you.

You raise your head, whole body nearly jolting as you feel something being placed carefully onto your shoulders

“Do you truly believe those were all of the words that he wanted to say?” Wyno reaches forward to help Mon wrap your jacket around your upper body.

Your whole body deflates. “I don’t know.”

“After the evening you have just told me the two of you had shared, do you truly believe that he would blame you for this?” Wyno attempts to reason with you, hands rubbing over your arms lightly in comfort.

“How could he not? It’s all my fault.” You choke on a sob.

“Tell me, My Child,” she manages to get you to meet her gaze and you notice her eyes flash, “do you blame them for what happened with that one?”

You blink, caught off guard by her sudden question. “Of course not! I could never-“

“Do you not think that they do not blame themselves for everything she has done, and all that she continues to do to you?” Wyno continues to reason.

“But it’s not their fault! I-” Your voice catches in your throat.

Wyno quirks a brow, looking at you expectantly. You fall silent.

“We act in ways we deem appropriate at the time in which these incidents occur. It is not your fault you were deceived; you do not control the actions of others.” She holds you firmly in her grip, squeezing your arms reassuringly. “You do not think I cannot still see the guilt that clings to them for ever allowing you to reach such a broken state at another’s hands?”

You remain quiet.

“You nine are all more alike than you think.” She hums. “Yes, you probably could have taken a moment to think things through, but when someone you love is at stake, logic is not always your friend.”

“Jongho still got hurt because of me.” You reply lowly, eyebrows drooping as you stare at the ground.

“You said he jumped in front of you. Not once, but twice, correct?” She tilts her head knowingly.

You nod your head.

“Then, that was his choice.” She shifts her hands to hold your own in her grasp once more. “He could have let you been hit both times, but he chose to save you. I have known him far longer than you, My Child, and were he feeling truly petty, he would have let both those weapons meet their marks. Do not twist his efforts to protect and help you into something that they are not. I have seen the way he looks at you. How his aura shines alongside your own. Do not make the man you love into a heartless monster. Least of all towards you.”

Tears begin to gather in the corner of your eyes for the nth time that morning, and you do whatever you can to blink them away.

The sun begins to rise over the horizon.

“Just because you blame yourself, does not mean that they will.” Wyno is a bit blunt when she says this, but you know it’s all spoken with good intent. “You made a mistake, and it seems as if this was the final piece which shattered the glass you had been looking through to keep yourself sane.”

“My Child, you are trying so hard to be brave, and strong when you haven’t allowed yourself proper time to grieve who you once were. Whether any of you wish to acknowledge it or not, that woman did kill a part of you that day. You may not have ceased to breathe, but she certainly destroyed a portion of who you once were. A portion you may never get to reclaim, nor should you want to.”

Wyno takes a moment to pause, inhaling deeply before she continues.

“I did not lie when I said that you have become stronger because of what has happened. Everything in your life leading up to this moment in time has made you who you are. As much as you wish to believe that you are passed this trauma, it will live with you every day until this whole rebellion is complete.” She states. “Whether it will end in victory or death, that has still yet to be determined. Do not create more issues where none lay.”

Your hands begin to shake, the numbness that had been felt throughout your entire body receding.

“But this is an issue, Wyno!” You practically spring to your feet, barely registering the huff of surprise Yerra lets out as she just catches her head from hitting the floor. “I indirectly hurt their brother. I nearly caused the death of a man I love because I let fear control me. How could they even bear to look at me now after what I’ve done? This incident has only just solidified that I’m barely holding myself together. I can put up a brave front, and act like I’m fine, but I’m not! I’m no Queen, and I need to stop pretending to be one.”

Wyno takes a moment to observe you carefully, golden eyes trailing over your figure as she watches you tremble in your spot. Your admission seems to have surprised even you, your eyes wide as your chest heaves.

“What is it you are truly afraid of, My Child?” She stands to her own two feet slowly.

At the way you remain silent, she’s quick to continue.

“Do you truly believe that they could hate you for this? For anything, for that matter?” She takes a step closer, staring you down all the while. “Do you believe they would turn on you for worrying about your family in the same ways that they worry about you? You have already confided in me that they've told you that they do not blame you for this. Is it not within yourself to believe them? Have they ever lied to you, least of all when your own feelings are concerned?”

Your hands cling desperately to the edges of your jacket, tears beginning to stream down your face as you watch her approach. Faintly, you register Mon brushing up against you back and holding you steady.

“Even now, I would bet all of the jewels in all of the realms that they are continuing to reach out to you in that mind of yours to know that you’re safe.” She says. “To know that you are still alive and breathing.”

Sure enough, you feel the faint brushes of assurance from all seven of them as soon as she says this. All several of their strings continue to hum in worry.

“Do you know how difficult it is to convince that Captain of theirs to change his mind when he sets his own course of action?” Wyno comes to stand before you now, placing her hands onto your arms reassuringly. “None of them have the ability to be patient when your safety is at risk, let alone your own personal wellbeing. I would bet anything that they wanted to appear here instantly after pulling the information out of Stella using any means necessary. However, they held off. For you, because that is what you asked of them.”

Your breath hitches slightly in your throat.

“Your Eight Kings do not particularly enjoy taking orders, or listening to others who attempt to command or control them.” Her tone is firm as you meet her gaze. “However, they will always listen to you.”

A blink, and you’re swallow thickly.

“No, My Child. There is no need for you to pretend to be their Queen,” she wipes your tears away so gently as she cradles your face in her hands. “You already are.”

You lower lip wobbles and she pulls you back into her embrace. One of her hands supports the back of your head while the other strokes comfortingly over your spine. Again, you bury your face into the side of her neck.

“Whether you know it or not, whether you acknowledge it or not, they have always viewed you as their Queen.” She whispers lowly into your ear.

A shudder wracks your chest as you attempt to catch your breath.

“Let me ask you this, My Child,” she tilts her head so that it rests against your own. “If the roles had been reversed, would you not have done the same? Would you not have given anything to protect him in the moment, if you had been able to?”

“Without question.” You breathe, tightening your hold subconsciously around Wyno’s back.

“This is not the first time you have experienced each other being injured in front of your very eyes.” Wyno says, and your mind flashes to the very first time you had ever met the dragons. “I’m sure it will not be the last.”

You let out a shaky chuckle. “No, I’m sure it won’t.”

“Then, cease this pointless self-blame you seem to be so adamant to condemn upon yourself.” She pulls away to stare deeply into your eyes. “Acknowledge your emotions and allow your mind to rest. It does no good to dwell on the things we cannot change. I’m sure those Kings of yours would tell you the exact same.”

The corner of your lips quirks slightly. “I tell them that all the time.”

Wyno shoots you a playfully incredulous look. “Well, there you go, My Child. Afford yourself the same leniency.”

Darting your gaze to the floor, you let out a small sigh. “I suppose you’re right.”

“Suppose?” Wyno chuckles. “My Child, I am always right.”

A playful wink is sent your way, and you cannot help the soft puff of laughter that escapes you.

“Now, go get some rest.” She motions for you to follow Mon who brushes his head against your back again in comfort. “You must be exhausted.”

A nod is all that you can muster in response as you allow yourself to finally relax. A wave of intense fatigue washes over you, body instantly slouching as you turn to face Mon. Slowly, you trudge after him down a side path leading deeper into the cave, eyes blinking tiredly as Wyno’s words echo through your mind.

She’s right. Your emotions were high, and you overreacted. You didn’t even give them a chance to calm you down before you unknowingly transported yourself away. Still, it doesn’t make what Jongho said in the moment hurt any less, even if that might not have been what he meant.

Perhaps this is exactly how Seonghwa felt all those months ago when he royally screwed up. He did look the most concerned out of all of them, a sad understanding on his features as you practically clawed at your own face in worry.

Speaking of, you’re pretty sure you’re body is still covered in blood despite Wyno cleaning your face. Only, you cannot find the energy to care right now. Not when Mon seems to lead you to the nesting area, nudging you towards what you assume is his own bed.

With the help of Mon, you’re laying down, allowing the wyrm to settle close to you for warmth as he wraps himself protectively around you. Softly, he coos to you, and without another word, you allow the gentle rumbling of his chest to lull you to sleep.

Meanwhile, Wyno heaves a tremendous sigh as she paces back and forth just inside of the cave’s mouth. Boris’ eyes track her every movement, his head resting on the ground as he looks up at her. Repeatedly, she taps her fingers over the skin of her crossed arms, golden gaze glinting in the dark semi-dark of the cave.

For twenty long minutes, Wyno allows you to rest with the babies in the nests’ deep chamber. Long enough to sort out her own thoughts before summoning those Kings of yours here.

Making her way outside of the cave with Boris in tow, Wyno looks out upon the cliff face. Briefly, her eyes dart over to the spot where Xiron had been pinned down by an arrow, your body hunched over him for protection.

She takes a deep breath.

The second Wyno clicks her teeth to alert Stella of her request, they all appear before her. Frantic looks of concern are clear on Wooyoung’s, San’s, and Mingi’s faces, and even Yeosang is having a difficult time maintaining his composure. Seonghwa’s hands twitch, while Yunho’s gaze darts every which way in search of you.

The longer all of them go without seeing you only increases their worry tenfold. Of course, it doesn’t help that they felt a shift in your internal workings of your mind just over twenty minutes ago.

“Where is she?” Hongjoong steps forward, a wild look of desperation on his features.

“Calm yourself.” Wyno commands, raising a hand to halt him in his tracks.

Hongjoong’s eyes flash, his nostrils flaring.

“You dare tell me to ‘calm myself’ when Our Queen has been missing for hours?” His voice is low, ominous as a hint of a growl coats his words.

“She has not gone missing. She’s been here with me this whole time.” Wyno replies cooly. “I thought Stella informed you that she was safe.”

A caw is heard from the raven as she flies over to perch on Wyno’s shoulder.

“She did.” Yunho responds, somewhat bluntly. His one hand is closed into a fist, your necklace clutched tightly in his grip.

“Please, Wyno,” Yeosang begins. “We’ve been worried sick.”

“I am well aware of your urgency.” Wyno’s eyes flash, noticing how both San and Wooyoung begin to pace restlessly before her.

“Then, why won’t you let us see her?” Wooyoung snaps, clear irritation on his face as he chews on his bottom lip.

“We’ve been waiting this whole time for a summoning.” Seonghwa adds, nothing but urgency in his tone. “Please, don’t keep us from her any longer.”

“I called you here because it is easier for you to come to me, than for me to go to you.” Wyno begins, keeping her voice even and breathing steady as Boris shifts beside her.

“Are you saying that you’ll deny us entry after everything?” Hongjoong’s lips pull back in a snarl. “She is Our Queen, not yours. She does not belong to you.”

“Neither does she belong to you.” Wyno retorts, quite pointedly. Already, her patience is wearing thin.

Several low, threatening growls sound from across from her.

“We aren’t afraid to tear that whole nest apart to get her back, Wyno.” Yeosang states, tilting his head pointedly as he narrows his gaze at her. “Friend, or not.”

“Each threat you speak does not make me confident in allowing you access into my home to retrieve your beloved.” Wyno stands tall, shoulders squared as she looks across at all of them. “If you would stop to listen for five seconds, you would have already been led inside by now.”

Again, Seonghwa’s fingers twitch, but they all choose to remain quiet.

“Before I grant you access, I need to know that my own words which I have spoken in reassurance to her are true.” Wyno says, eyes narrowing pointedly. “As much as I do know you, you can all be quite unpredictable when it comes to her.”

Several low warning growls reach her ears once more.

“So, she told you what happened.” It’s not quite a question that escapes Mingi’s lips, but the hesitance comes through all the same.

“I know that because of what happened, her mind was in such a fragile state, she condemned herself to fall upon the earth freely.”

A collective stillness passes over all of them as both San and Yunho inhale sharply. Immediately, tears are springing to Wooyoung’s, Seonghwa’s, and Yeosang’s eyes. Mingi’s whole body begins trembling, chest heaving with every breath.

“No…” Hongjoong falls to his knees.

“We were lucky the bond alerted us to her distress, even unknowingly.” Wyno continues. “Even now she is still riddled with a tremendous amount of self-doubt and guilt. My words can only help her so much. She needs you.”

“Then, why are we still standing outside?” Wooyoung grits his teeth, tears cutting tracks down his cheeks as he steps towards Wyno.

A warning rumble escapes Boris’ chest, and Wooyoung scowls, freezing in place.

“Do you want to know what her biggest fear out of all of this was?” Golden eyes observe them carefully, watching every subtle twitch of their brows.

“Wyno-“

A sharp look from the dragon stops Mingi’s words right in their tracks.

“She was terrified of you.”

Their hearts drop, and each male stills in their spot. Not even their chests move as they forget how to breathe, more tears falling freely down each of their faces.

“She was terrified of what you might do to her in retribution for harming Jongho.” Wyno infers. “She believed, despite it all, that you would hate her. That you would despise her, and curse her very existence for what she’s done.”

This time, it’s Seonghwa who falls to his knees. His hands brace himself on the ground, sobs wracking his entire body as he attempts to catch his breath. All he can think of is how badly he’s failed you yet again.

Yunho places a hand onto Yeosang’s shoulder, noticing how the younger male has gone eerily quiet. Were it not for the fact that Yunho can still hear Yeosang’s heart thundering inside of the shorter male’s chest, he would have thought that the younger had died as soon as those words had left Wyno’s lips.

Immediately, San wraps Wooyoung in his embrace, letting the younger male sob violently into his neck. Both of them begin shaking uncontrollably, clinging to each other for dear life.

Behind him, Hongjoong can hear Mingi cursing. Knowing the younger male, he’s probably pacing and ripping at his hair as tears fall freely from his eyes. However, all Hongjoong can do at the moment is stare forward, nothing but the crushing weight of devastation suffocating his heart and flooding his entire being with a numbness unlike ever before.

“But she didn’t harm him.” San’s voice trembles, and he feels Wooyoung squeeze him tighter.

“It wasn’t her fault.” Yeosang states, voice sounding much calmer than he is right now.

“We would never-“ Seonghwa chokes on a sob, “could never blame her for this.”

“There is next to nothing in this world, or in all of the realms that could make us hate her.” Yunho keeps his words low, even. “Let alone blame her.”

A firm nod from Wyno is all they receive in response.

“How could she ever think we could hate her?” Wooyoung’s breath stutters with his wails, that complete feeling of devastation choking him out just as it does with the others.

“I do not think she had been thinking clearly, given the events that had occurred throughout the night.” Wyno says. “You seven should be all too familiar with what the weight of crushing guilt can do to your reason. All rational thought ceases to exist.”

A hushed understanding passes over all of them as they nod solemnly.

“Please, Wyno,” Hongjoong finally lifts his gaze. “Please, take us to her.”

Never before has Wyno seen the man before her look so utterly broken. Yet, she knows. She just knows that this is all just fallout from that reckless and selfish demon who has haunted you since the eight of them all fell in love with you. Since they chose you to be their Queen.

Softly, Wyno nods her head.

“I will take you to her.” She voices gently. “However,” they all tense, “you need to all realize why I had to go about it this way.”

“Do you truly believe that we are capable of ever hurting her?” Mingi’s crestfallen expression says it all.

“No.” Wyno shakes her head lightly. “I do not.”

“Then, why-“

San’s inquiry gets cut off by the eldest’s shaky voice.

“You did this for her.”

Wyno’s golden gaze flits between all several of the males now turned towards her. Her expression says it all.

“Come.” She turns, guiding Boris back into the cave with her. “She’s currently sleeping.”

The walk through the cave is silent, save for the few sniffles that Wyno can hear coming from some of the males behind her. Luckily, they seem to manage to compose themselves just as they reach the nesting area.

Frowns tug at their features as they don’t immediately see you.

“Where…?” Hongjoong’s brow furrows, knowing that he and his brothers can just make out the faintest hints of your scent mixed in with the rest.

“There.” Wyno motions off to the side with her head.

Shifting their gazes to where Wyno has guided them to, they see both Yerra and Xiron curled up with each other. A wing from each dragon is spread out between them, as if covering something hidden beneath.

Slowly, the two babies retract their wings as they get closer, and the sight that greets them would normally be adorable given any other circumstance.

There you rest, curled up with your arms around Mon as you sleep soundly. The babies surround you on either side, keeping you warm as your jacket seems to have fallen off of your shoulders. Mon is more than happy to be held in your arms, and he continues to let out gentle coos as you sleep, reassuring you that they’re all here to protect you.

Unfortunately, it seems as if the slight shifting around you has woken you up.

Groggily, you blink around at your surroundings, your head lifting as you attempt to gather your bearings for the moment. With the help of Mon, you manage to sit, rubbing at your eyes all the while as he slithers around your back. The albino wyrm curls around you protectively as you hear several sharp inhales come from in front of you.

You freeze, but what you fail to see is how all of them take a hesitant step towards you.

A soft call of your name has you slowly lowering your hands, somewhat cautiously. You blink to clear your vision, and the instant you see them all standing in front of you, tears spring to your eyes once more.

Nothing but concern is on each of their features as they look at you, their hearts squeezing painfully as they hear your own begin to thunder inside of your chest.

Carefully, San takes a step forward, his hand raising to reach out to you. “Baby-“

“I’m sorry.” Your lower lip trembles, the first of your tears spilling onto your cheeks. Your voice is raw, all of the events finally catching up to you as you attempt to clear your throat. You squeeze your eyes shut, whole body beginning to shake. “I’m sorry.”

Arms wrap around you instantly, and you jump as you feel yourself being pulled into someone’s chest. Unknowingly, your one hand fists his shirt for dear life.

“Shh, My Divine.” Seonghwa soothes you, rocking you gently in his embrace as his hand strokes over the back of your head. “It’s okay.”

You sob harder, more apologies falling from your lips.

“It’s not your fault, Dearest.” Yeosang keeps his voice low so as not to startle you.

“We’re not mad at you.” Mingi is the next to speak. “We could never be mad at you for this.”

“Please, My Love, do not think that we are.” Hongjoong kneels beside you, reaching out to tenderly caress your back.

“If anything, we thought we were going to lose you.” Yunho breathes, a hint of fear clinging to the edges of his words.

Wooyoung collapses in front of you, grasping your hands in his desperately. “Please don’t run from us like that again. We would never forgive ourselves if something happened to you.”

“We could never hate you, Starlight.” Mingi whispers, stepping in closer.

“Please don’t be afraid of us.” San pleads, swallowing somewhat thickly. “We could never, never hurt you, Baby.”

With each male that speaks, you manage to calm down more and more. Apologies no longer fall from your lips, and your breathing is starting to even out. It seems as if you’re able to finally begin thinking clearly with all of them surrounding you like this.

Softly, you begin to nod your head and a collective sigh of relief if heard from all of them.

Wooyoung squeezes your hands, smiling at you faintly. “Please, don’t scare us like that again.”

“We were in a frenzy trying to find you until Stella showed up.” Mingi admits, running his hand through his hair which stands on end in every direction.

“Let’s get you home, My Love.” Hongjoong stands, helping you to your feet along with Seonghwa.

A catch in your breath as you are swooped up into the eldest’s arms.

“You should get some rest, My Divine.” He pulls you tighter against his chest, holding onto you securely as if you might disappear again at a moment’s notice.

All you can offer them is a small nod in response before you’re all turning to face Wyno once more.

“Thank you for watching over her.” Yunho tilts his head in acknowledgement towards the alpha of the dragons, clutching your necklace a little firmer in his hand.

“Always.” Wyno hums, a small upturn to her lips as she watches you rest in Seonghwa’s arms. It looks as if you’ve finally calmed down, for your head leans against his shoulder, your breathing evening out steadily. “I am more than happy to provide for one of our own.”

Exhaustion tugs at the edges of your consciousness, but you force yourself to stay awake. Just enough so that you can turn your head towards Wyno.

Softly, you incline your head in her direction, blinking at her gently as you mouth your gratitude. She mirrors your movements, a tender smile pulling at her features in understanding.

“Go home, My Child,” her voice is low, nothing but a sweet caress to your ears. “Allow yourself to rest.”

A small nod is all she receives in response before the eight of you are disappearing from sight.

The front foyer is quick to greet you after that. It appears to have been cleaned, everything back in its regular place, and no Jongho in sight.

Seonghwa goes to take a step towards your room before your voice is halting him right in his tracks.

“Please,” the call is weak, but they all still manage to hear, “I need to see him."

An understanding passes over all of them, and immediately, Seonghwa is stepping towards the youngest’s room with the others surrounding you both. Hongjoong is quick to push open the door, guiding the way inside as you all follow behind. Once beside Jongho’s bed, Seonghwa softly sits you on top of the covers.

Swallowing thickly, you take in the sight of a still unconscious Jongho. He looks so peaceful, sleeping soundly beneath the comfort of his sheets. His chest rises and falls evenly, and he doesn’t appear to be in any pain, but you still cannot prevent the way your heart twists in guilt seeing him like this.

You bring a hand up to cup his cheek, thumb stroking tenderly against his skin.

“He’ll be okay, Dearest.” Yeosang reassures you, moving to sit beside you on the bed.

“He just needs some rest,” Wooyoung affirms, a slight nod to his head.

“Just like you do, My Love.” Hongjoong places a comforting hand onto your shoulder.

“Are you injured?” Mingi finally voices his concerns, noting how all of his brothers turn to observe you carefully now.

You shake your head, voice rough as you speak, “Wyno healed me.”

“We’re sorry we couldn’t be the ones to take care of you this time.” Seonghwa averts his eyes in shame, and you notice how the others do as well.

Again, you shake your head. “That’s not on you. That’s on me.”

“Petal,” Yunho’s worried voice reaches your ears.

“It seems all we ever do is apologize to each other,” you say, somewhat lowly.

“It’s hard not to feel remorse when it concerns the one you love.” Hongjoong squeezes your shoulder gently, and you’re briefly reminded of that talk you had with him in the garden all those months ago. You place your hand atop his. “Come. Let’s get you cleaned up.”

You look up at him, protests forming on your lips.

“You’ve had a long night, Dearest.” Yeosang reasons, helping you back to your feet. “You need to rest.”

“Besides, he’ll probably be all better by the time you wake up.” San assures you, a light smile pulling at his features.

A small weight is felt settling onto the skin of your upper chest, and you turn your head to see Yunho securing your necklace behind you.

“Thought you might want this back.” His voice rumbles out lowly, a faint upturn of his lips as he sees your fingers brush over the jewel hanging over your skin once more.

“Come on, Angel.” Wooyoung begins to lead you out of the room with Seonghwa. “We can talk about everything later. For now, let your mind rest. We promise we’ll take good care of you.”

You nod, allowing the comfort of Your Kings to surround you once more as you fully embrace the light of the morning sun shining through the windows. The night might have been dark, but you know. You just know that everything will be alright with them by your side.

Jongho will be fine.

361 notes · View notes

writingcold · 2 months

Text

Hello! Welcome to Chapter 3.3 of CD&FE.

Pairing: Jake X Female Reader

Summary: This is an AU that starts with the release of GVF’s first EP, Black Smoke Rising, and follows along life paths over the course of twenty plus years. We’ve reached the last little bit of Part 3.

Content warnings: Language, smoking, drinking, sexual situations. Heavy angst. (please don’t come at me - there is a happy ending, just not for a few chapters!) Oral, anal play (m rec), and their sex.

Word Count: approx. 4.3K

Thank you to @edgingthedarkness and @takenbythemaddess. Both of these ladies are amazing, if you didn’t already know that. 😘

CD&FE, Part 3.3: Her POV

It was our last night in the cottage. We had tripped through the fancy manor house, and ambled through several museums. We took one boat cruise around the harbor and another that went way out onto Superior that included way too much food and booze. We hiked a few of the less icy trails and snapped pictures that no one would ever see - maybe. I was sure I got a few gems of Jake slipping around like a maniac. We had huddled on the couch, our toes together under the blankets with the fire going and books in hands. I listened to him play his guitar as I cooked us breakfast. And we laughed. We laughed like old friends over things that were unimportant and weird thoughts that we shared. We held each other close and fucked like rabbits. All the while, I was filled with a happiness that felt like it was on the precipice of rupture.

I watched him from the living room. He was at the grill with his back to me. The way his ponytail moved across his shoulders made me drool a bit. He had insisted that he cook our dinner - grilled seafood and salamon and the sides were in the oven keeping warm. I was wrapped in a blanket of scent and music and anticipation. Time. The one thing that we had never had was time. My entire essence was screaming at me to keep this one close. To keep him sheltered and protected with me. I didn’t mind his morning breath, or the way he smelled at the end of the day of running around. I didn’t mind the actual ‘life’ aspect with him - the being human. The way he touched me; the way he allowed me to explore him; the way every step together felt so completely right told me to do whatever it took to keep this man in my life. And yet.

Outside was considerably warmer than our first night in the cottage. He was dressed only in his light flannel and jeans as he worked the grill. My sight cast out to look beyond, taking note that there was less ice compared to our arrival. There was a promise of green on the horizon. I was sure that the island was gorgeous during the warmer months and made a mental note to look into booking the place once more when it was all full of life. I took a sip of my cocktail. I wanted my hands on him. In my less impulsive state, I wanted to touch all that was ‘him’. I knew my minutes with him were sliding by. All I wanted was my teeth on him, marking him as my own before he was carried away by time and distance.

I had no idea what the hell I had meant all those days ago. I was glad to have known what was between us - what could be between us. I knew right well what I was asking of him - to leave these interludes as is and not to flame anything beyond what was into existence. It contained four little letters that equaled a shit ton more than what I was willing to admit. But…

But this was supposed to mean everything, wasn’t it? Wasn’t love something to fight for? Something to try to hold tight and cherish and nurture for all time? There was a stab right in the center of my heart that would not let up in its blazing glory. Why? Why feel this love - for it was glaringly obvious - when neither of you could hold onto it in any honorable fashion? A bubble of a sob broke free, passing through my mouth just as Jake turned back towards the sliding glass door.

“Fuck,” I cursed as I was quick to wipe at my face and hide my mouth behind my drink.

I launched myself up and raced to the bathroom. I was not going to let him see me like this, was I? Oh hell no. I heard him pass through the door with my name on his lips. I nearly dropped my glass into the sink as I shut the door behind me with my foot. I fumbled with the push button lock just as I heard him calling out for me once more. He had to have been in the kitchen, but I could feel the concern in his tone. I turned the faucet on to try to mask the gulping breaths I was struggling through. I felt like I was breaking beneath the weight of emotions as they pummeled my sappy ass. I sucked air as he tapped against the door, my name a near whisper through the wood grain.

“Can I come in, please?” he asked softly, as if all of his own feelings were catching up to him as well.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I hiccupped, running the water across a washcloth. I look into the mirror and flinch at the mess I saw there.

There was silence on the other side of the door. I paused the furious blotting on my face to listen to see if he was still waiting for me. I turned enough to see that I could see the dark spots of his feet at the bottom of the door. My heart felt like it was on fire as I stifled another sob.

“Jake,” I said, trying my level best to keep my tone normal. “I just need- Fuck. I just need… I…”

“Dinner’s ready,” he said over top of my faltering words. “Getting cold.”

The sudden shift made everything stop. All the feelings that were overwhelming. All the ideas that were overtaking everything. All of it stopped like someone had hit the pause button on my very own remote control.

“What?” I asked, frozen to my spot.

“Dinner’s ready, mouse. We don’t want it to get cold, right? You want wine or whatever it is that you were having?”

His voice was so calm that everything quieted in my brain and returned to normal just like magic. I drug in a breath as I dried my face. I opened the door to him waiting by the bedroom door with a sad little grin. I wanted to ask him how he did that. I wanted to ask him if he knew I was crying over him. Instead I followed him out to the lovely table that I had set for us. He had taken a moment to light the candles before retrieving our plates from the oven. I fixed myself a tito’s + cranberry while he got a beer from the fridge. We sat down together, but I didn’t have it in me to really look anywhere else other than at him.

“I don’t suppose I can talk you into a long distance relationship, can I?” he asked as he tapped his fingers to the table top with his eyes cast down away from me.

I couldn’t press my lips any tighter together to keep the pathetic whimper that cut through my throat. He reached for me and it was nothing for me to slide into his lap and be engulfed in all of him.

“I just know that I enjoy all of this life so much more when you’re here with me,” he whispered, holding on tightly.

Our lips found each other in a warmth that melted me, despite my brain firing off warning shots to shut it down right quick. He squeezed my hip as he touched my face and deepened our kiss. Those tears that I needed to hide quickly returned and left me no way of masking them. My gut was screaming at me but my heart was reaching out through my chest and wrapping about this man that it so desperately wanted.

“Hey,” he whispered, wiping at my damp cheeks.

“Sorry,” I muttered as I worked my way off his lap in search of tissues. “Your beautiful dinner… We need to eat it before-”

“I don’t think this can wait,” he remarked as I sat back down. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

I took a sip of my drink, licking at the few drops that fell across my lip. “This looks really amazing, actually. I can’t believe how hungry I am.”

He sat back in his chair, eyes hardening with need. “Avoidance doesn’t become you. If we can talk this through, perhaps it’ll make our night go a bit better.”

I dug through the lovely colors of the veggies. “Look. Last time we talked about this, we were in a tub with scented bubbles. I don’t think much has changed.”

“Well, if it’s water you’re looking for, I guess I’m game to go out with the ice on the lake,” he huffed with his hand on his hip. His expression relaxed into an engaged smile. “Just, please.”

“I don’t want to sound like a selfish bitch.”

I stuffed a thick piece of shrimp into my mouth and looked out to the deck to catch the edge of my words. He took a drink of his beer before taking a bite of his veggies. It was just the sound of silverware meeting plates for a few minutes, and that was okay. I could pretend that it was fine until I actually made eye contact with him once more. I lowered my fork to my plate and reached a shaky hand out to my glass.

“We both know that this - whatever it is between us is not to be taken lightly,” I said before I took a sip.

“I love you,” he whispered. “I say it because I know it’s reciprocated. And no, not something to take lightly.”

My eyes pinched closed against the admittance. He was not wrong. His poetic ass could just haul off and say such niceties; such truths. I fought against chewing my bottom lip, but failed. His hand landed on my arm as if he was trying to support me through my struggle.

“I have a very hard time with being lonely,” I said finally. “Jake, I can’t do it. I am still in love with my career. I’m still in love with making my own way. I can’t be one of those girls that drop everything for the man of their dreams.”

The corner of his mouth tugged a bit as he tried to smile. The weight of what I was trying to convey to him - to show him that I had thought about this very thing often was like dropping that last curtain for him to know me.

“I can’t deny what we are feeling is real,” I continued, unable to hide the little waver in my voice. “I want to be able to honor that with every ounce of my being. I know what I am capable of, and what I am not. Distance doesn’t work for me. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Is it the faithfulness?”

I shook my head. It was a fair question. “I just know that I cannot be lonely when I’m in a relationship. I’ve done it before - will not do that again. I do fine alone when I am on my own. But like I said, it makes me sound like a selfish bitch. If I commit to you, I want you. All of it, all the time. That means one of us has to give up what they are doing.”

He let out a hard breath of understanding. “Got it.”

“You’re not ready to give up the road are you?”

He shook his head. “And you’re not ready to travel, are you?”

I shook my head.

“Right.” He leaned forward on his elbows, beer between his hands. “Promise me something then.”

I took a bite of fish, savoring the flavor. I nodded as I looked at him.

“If you find someone who loves you, willing to be where you are, you will love them back.”

“Only if you promise me, if you find some badass vagabond queen you make them your own.”

I couldn’t help the hard breath that echoed in my lungs as I fought to get the words out. He leaned away from me and my touch. The warmth of him ebbed for just long enough for me to be unable to stand it. What a shitshow. I wanted to curse fate and all her unruly bitches who seemed to be laughing at us at the moment. He wiped at my cheek, drying the evidence away.

We finished up our meal, although neither of us was able to eat it all. I made him sit and play his guitar as I cleaned up. The buzz of my cocktails was faded by the food, but that was all right. He played melancholy melodies that I did not recognize. Odd. I could identify like 99% of what he played for me. When I looked at him, his eyes were on the fireplace as if chasing away his own feelings. Jake was easy to love. There was no doubt in my fabric of that fact.

I carefully folded the dish towel and took a few minutes just looking out the window to collect myself. I wanted this man to feel every ounce of me before we parted. I wanted him to know that coming with me on this trip was not for nothing. A tiny fracture had already formed at the base of my spirit that was begging not to be exacerbated. The self-inflicted wound that waited just over the surface of my chest was itchy. I listened to him as he set his guitar into its case. Three more long, deep breaths allowed me to turn towards him, taking in the similar state he was in as was coming towards me.

He took my hands in his own, stopping the furious fidgeting that I had not realized I was doing until that moment. He brushed my hair back from my face. His eyes were a mix of emotions that were being kindled with desire. He was trying to mask the tinge of sadness that flickered within the swirl of caramel colored earth that grounded him. Before I could stop, my lips curled down as I struggled within his proximity.

“May I?” he asked, reaching out his fingertips and stopping their path just over the curve of my cheek.

I felt myself shatter as all I could do was nod once. He smoothed his touch across my cheek, breaking through the hairline and around the back of my head, allowing his fingers to rest against my neck. He brought up his other hand, passing the pad of his thumb across my lips as he caressed my cheek until he stopped as if snapping a mental picture to keep for all time. He was so close, I could feel his gentle breath against my skin. The heat of his body wrapped around me as he pressed me against the counter. Jake began tracing tiny ovals across the ridge of my cheek as I struggled to keep my gaze upon him.

�� “I dream of this -” he whispered as he placed a barely there kiss on my temple. “I dream of this - this face; this mouth; this body. You are my dream, Y/n.”

Our kiss roasted away thoughts and hurt and left only desire behind. My hands squeezed his love handles as if I could barely keep my knees from buckling. He let out a soft hum as he pulled away. His eyes swept over my face once more. The corner of his mouth stretched into a smirk.

“Should we finish where we started this vacation?” he asked, his voice full of lust and rasp.

“With your face in my pussy and getting yourself off?” I remarked, feeling smug as that image blazed in my mind.

“Hmm,” he shrugged, but his eyebrow raised with a cheeky smile.

He was kicking out of his shoes as he led me back towards the dining table. He lifted the hem of my sweater just enough to pass a finger across my tummy. His brow twitched as he fell away to close the drapes on the slider door. I was quick to yank off everything, all the while shivering in anticipation. He ducked back into the bedroom for a moment before reappearing with his flannel discarded and t-shirt gone. It was hard not to allow my eyes to roam over his skin. The way he unfastened his belt with one hand while he was walking made me move all the faster.

“Up on the table, baby,” he said as he stopped long enough for his pants to drop to the floor.

He set something on the table next to me but kept my attention with his lust blown gaze. I was set adrift in his heat and velvet touches. The silk of his lips feasted upon my throat as his embrace wrapped around me. This man had tasted me every day of this vacation. His eyes were already making their way down to my core. He trailed the tip of his tongue down, through my cleavage, around my belly button, before he latched on to the crease of my hip with a hard suck that I was sure would leave a lovely little mark. I was ready to lay back, but he stopped me. He wrapped his hands around one ankle and moved first one leg followed by the other over his own shoulders as he settled in.

“Slide a bit forward,” he said between kisses to my inner thigh.

I shimmied closer, all the while, twisting his hair between my fingers. “Gonna fuck me up, aren’t you, Jake?”

“In the best way possible.”

He passed a firm touch through my exposed center. My eyes drifted closed as he placed a single kiss to my clit before he sat back. His hands drifted up and down my thighs as he looked up at me. I passed my fingertips down his jaw.

I’m not sure how much time elapsed as we just paused there - all ghosting touches and wordless expressions passing between us. I was trying to voice my wish of love for him, all the while I pictured him telling me that what was transpiring was not in vain. That this love between us would one day be fully realized. I felt my bottom lip begin to tuck in between my nervous teeth. My heart thudded painfully as he reached up to cup my cheek.

“I want to hear how I make you feel,” he sighed as he started to lean in once more. “Can you do that for me?”

I grinned down at him as I tucked his hair behind his ears. He whispered a ‘good girl’ with a sinister smirk. He slowly lowered himself to his knees before me, forging a path of kisses that left traces of heat on my chilled skin. I finally caught sight of what he had set beside me just out of reach - lube. My brain paused as he caught my attention once more with a gentle bite on the inside of my thigh.

He kissed my cunt like he kissed my mouth - soft, firm, wet, biting, demanding. Always demanding. I watched in total fascination as he worked my body, coaxing every whine, every gulp of air to get louder and louder. He danced my swollen clit across his tongue with ease before plunging fingers into my core to stroke my desire. His name burned on my tongue and my throat as he feasted upon me. He took his free hand and folded it into mine . Meeting his gaze, my chest exploded in emotion as all the love lay bare in his earth toned iris’. This man had worshiped every inch of my body. He had marked every ounce of my flesh as his own. He claimed my spirit and accepted all of me without hesitation.

He hummed as he took my body to the brink of collapse. With sure hands, he supported me as he kissed his way back to standing before me. He smoothed my hair back from my damp face. He cradled my cheek as he seemed to study me - all of me. I let my hands trace across his pecks, down the plane of his belly to come to rest upon his cock. The deep groan that vibrated in his chest made me smile. I pumped his length, liking the way his tongue ghosted across his bottom lip as he leaned away from me to see better.

I brought my heels up to fully open for him, and rested them on the edge of the stout table. I lined him up and he kissed me hard as he pressed in to join our bodies. He held me close as we adjusted to each other. He withdrew only to return in a fiercely slow manner. He grabbed hold of my jaw as I tried to nuzzle down into his shoulder. We were nose to nose as he repeated the move.

“I need to watch every minute,” he whispered into my parted lips.

I moaned as he ground into me. He let go once he knew I understood. I felt his fingers searching at my side for his bottle and my mind did a little backflip. He brought my hand up and squirted the lube across my fingers. There was no need to convey what he wanted, and I was quick to spread his cheeks as he thrust hard into me. I watched his eyes as I pushed one, followed by two fingers into his entrance as he shifted his hips hard into my core.

“Oh my god,” I gasped as we started up a rhythm - I would plunge into him as he withdrew from me.

His eyes were hard with concentration. His mouth pulled tight across his teeth as I pushed as far as could with my fingers. Jake was making me his, just as much as I was making him my own. As the thought struck, my body exploded against him. He let out the most beautiful sound as he rode me out, searching for another high for me. My legs quivered as he tried to keep me in place. Everything in me was crying out as my soul crashed back into reality.

I pushed him back onto my hand, getting just enough leverage to push him back even further so my feet fell to the ground. He started to protest, but I pushed him back again, keeping him skewered on my fingers. I split my digits apart while in him and his head lulled back as I slid down his body to my knees.

“Mouse,” he moaned out as I drove his hips into my waiting mouth.

I swallowed him down hard as he buried his fingers into my hair. He let me bob against him in my own rhythm, all the while pumping my fingers in the opposite in search of ruining him completely. I opened my eyes as I finally hit how I wanted to please him. He was holding onto his left hip as if for dear life. I rolled my eyes up to him, seeing the absolute power that I was weaving over him. He brushed one finger along my cheek as I swallowed him all the way into my throat and stopped - holding him there as my body threatened to mutiny against my wishes and gag hard. I touched the tip of my nose to the soft hair of his belly. He cupped my cheek once more and for a fleeting second, I felt suspended in this beautiful man’s gaze.

He ripped himself away from me, leaving me surprised. He pushed me down to the floor and jacked my legs up across his hips. His mouth crashed into mine as he slid back into me wildly. He kept himself just above me, forcing us to keep our eyes open on the other. My core flinched as I couldn’t hold on. He had me spraying him within a minute. He had me screaming his name in under two.

“Fuck, I love you,” he whispered, the words rough and hard in his throat. His eyes dropped to mine as he realized what he had said.

My jaw slacked as my chest exploded. I felt the tears prickle in my eyes as I struggled. Fuck me. I wanted to say them, too. I wanted to speak those same words as my everything spilled out on the floor beneath me.

“Tell me I’m the fucking man of your dreams, mouse,” he growled as he ground into me. “Tell me that you fucking-”

“Love you,” I managed finally before he could overwhelm me with my own words.

He pummeled me, effectively destroying us both in the process. He said my name over and over as he came hard, his hips snapping against my drenched thighs. Completely opposite of what he had just done, he lowered his forehead to touch my own. The moment was studded with our harsh breath and bleeding hearts. I wanted to whisper his name but it burned away unspoken in my throat. I breathed him in the best I could as tears fought to escape from my eyes.

“Beautiful,” he gasped, breaking the stillness as he fell away from me, breaking our connection.

I whimpered from the loss. My thoughts begged for me to speak them - but I held them as my own. We needed to be strong in our convictions. We needed to treasure this end and retain hope that we could return to it in the future.

So. Yeah. I want to do that commercial thing - But Wait! There’s More! And there is. There is just some life we need to get through first. The next few (well, three chapters) are all about life without each other. So, please bear with me. There is a point to having to navigate this. See you next Wednesday.

I do have a tag list here, or you can just let me know in a reply to add you.

@lvnterninthenight @doodle417 @luverleaver @jakesgrapejuice @fictional-duchess @milkgemini@positivegvfthings @songbirds-sweet @gretavanbitches @gardensgatedaisy @babyhoneygvfarchive @myownparadise96 @josh-iamyour-mama @starcatcherc @loveisonaroll @jakesstarlight @reesetrippingthelight @builtby-gvf @ignite-my-fire @wetkleenex-gvf @gold-mines-melting @starsasone @mysticalstarcatcher @montenegroisr @takenbythemadness @way-to-go-lad @cal-a-bungaa @thewritingbeforesunrise @leftjudgeempathsuitcase @brokenbells11 @imborrowedshesblue @vanfleeter

#jake gvf #jake kiszka #greta van fleet #gvf #cd&fe #greta van fleet fan fiction #gvf fanfiction #jake kiszka smut #jake kiszka fan fiction #greta van fleet fanfic #greta van fleet AU #jake kiszka AU

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grapefives · 1 year

Text

TEAR DUCTS | HC

zoro and luffy (seperately) with a (fem)lover that is half dead (and has their mask fall off)

background; y/n (an ex princess from an off-grid island) was hurt badly in a war between her kingdom and another, to the point she was left like a chewed up corpse. self sacrificing was all she could do to end said war, but in order to remain alive and travel, she used an acient magic spell to seem “normal”. after a recent battle, she forgets to use haki to bounce off as much damage as possible, causing the spell to lag.

past grievance + insecurities + fluff + descriptive gore + cursing

as soon as he sees you take the blow from the enemy, he spares you at most a glance

he knows you can handle it, you’re strong.

plus, he saw sanji back you up

but what surprised him was that you ran away

“Y/N!?” he asks, dodging his enemy’s attacks casually but worried and confused as to why you ran away

he battles his enemy when the other gets angry and goes full out. (still didn’t last that long but he put up a decent fight)

when everyone starts walking back to the ship, he sees chopper running as well.

“y/n is hurt!?” chopper screams, worried.

“is that why she ran?” luffy questions while catching up to his crew.

“i saw her bleeding,” sanji sobs, “i should have done better-“ he pauses, and then kicks luffy, “YOU should have done better!”

and luffy frowns, wondering just how serious it is.

as everyone files inside the ship, he wonders about what exactly made you run, you’re stronger than this

he sits down on a barrel, waiting for chopper to appear again, with either you trailing behind or some news

nami huffs, “you should go see what’s up, not sit around!”

luffy stares at her, “she’s fine, chopper’s got her-!”

“luffy! y/n doesn’t want to open the door to the operation room!” chopper sobs, “and i smell blood! plus!” he hugs luffy’s leg, “she keeps cursing to herself!”

“why don’t you bust the door down?!” luffy asks

“just go!” nami yells, and luffy bolts towards the room.

he knocks, testing to see if you’d open to him, which you do.

but what he sees doesn’t really… resemble you..

or.. the you he knows?

“y/n?” he feels worry bubble up, “what’s… a-aren’t you in pain!?” he goes to turn around to call chopper but you pull him in and close the door.

“l-luffy,” you heave, “listen-“ you stumble over your words, “i-“ you stare at him, seeing his eyes widen with horror at your real physique.

“i’m a zombie.”

his eyes snap towards you. “what!?”

you bite your inner cheek, “okay, not really a zombie but also yes?” you blush at his stare, “i just said it for you to understand more,” you look at him pleadingly, “i promise i was going to tell you sooner! i don’t really like how i look, especially now after a battle-“

“how’d it happen?”

you stared at him, eyes glassy. “i… i went through a war several years ago… most of these… spots where only bone is showing is due to how my body was rotting before the spell finally worked.”

“spell?” he furrows his brows. when it comes to you and anything you say, he takes it seriously.

“yes, a spell that makes me look more presentable. more… human.” you say softly, “i died before the spell activated, my kingdom slowly forgot about me and by the time i came back to life, i was just a walking corpse-“

“like brook!” he says, surprised and amused.

you nod, “like brook,” you smile a bit, realizing you had someone with a similar experience. “armament haki helps protect the spell, any harsh attacks makes it lag for quite a while-“

“so this is you?” luffy asks, “and..s they’re not from our battle?”

you shake your head, “no, no these are from my past.”

“why’d you hide?” he asks, “you look cool.”

you blink, “ah-“

“i’m just glad you weren’t hurt right now, but… do they hurt?” he asks, prodding at the ripped flesh gently.

you smile, feeling light. “no, they… they’re kind of numb. all the part intact are what feel the most pain.”

“like?”

“like my heart, my back… mmm, as you see my neck is sliced half way, so everything above it, like blows to my face i feel-“

“oh, so,” he grins, pulling you close, “you’d feel a kiss?”

you blink, more focused on how easy it is for him to touch you in this state. “y-yes-“ and he cuts you off with a gentle kiss

as you melt, you can’t hell but remember there’s still so much more for him to know. as well as the fact your crewmates will also learn the truth.

but knowing luffy, the man that holds your heart, is not seeing you like some sort of monster, you only smile and feel like you could face anything and everything.

past grievance + insecurities + fluff (?) + descriptive gore

when your body slams into his, mid battle, he grunts.

“you okay?” he asks, trying his best to worry over you while fighting off some lame bladed loser (that’s somehow putting up a decent fight)

“n-no,” you groan in agony, you’d think because he’s human he’d feel a little fleshy but really it felt like you were thrown into a wall.

your nails scrape some dirt and you grip some grass, fighting back vocal pain. his eye darts down to it, and to his horror, your hand looked at chewed up, almost shredded to the mere bone.

“HOLY SHIT, ARE YOU OKAY!?” he asks, sending the enemy flying far away before crouching down to help you.

“huh? yeah, i’ll just walk it off-“ you freeze when you see his face.

fear and confusion. a look you knew well.

fear and dread seeped into your bone, you jolted to your feet and tried to make a run for the ship, hoping you could hide and later on gaslight him once the spell stopped lagging

but he grabs your arm- thankfully the one that is mostly flesh, and pulls you back.

“y/n.” he says sternly, but you can hear the fear and confusion in his voice. “we need chopper,” he states, ready to drag you towards the doctor, not caring about who he’s fighting.

“NO!” you dig your heels into the ground, strong enough to put up a fight. “PLEASE! YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO SEE ME LIKE THIS!”

“THAT FUCKER HURT YOU TO THE POINT YOU’RE-“ he turns to you, noticing more past injuries of yours that the lagging spell is revealing. “how are you alive!?”

“I-“ your heart is beating in your ears, no one else is around, the two of you had strayed too far as the fight had began.

it was just you and him.

“zoro-“ your voice cracks, unsure how to even start. “this-“ would he still love you? still be affectionate? “this is me.”

“no, you need cho-“

“zoro!” you yell weakly, nerves eating too much of you. “this- this is the real me! i-“ you barely see him through your tears, “i’m a walking corpse! i used a spell to make me look normal! to make me look human!” you lower your head. “i know i look horrible! you- you don’t have to keep-“

you stop talking when zoro lets go of you. for a moment, you feel a pang in your heart.

negativity flooded your mind.

but then he sits down on the grass and closes his eye, almost like he’s meditating.

“sit.” and you sit.

“zoro-“

“why would i care what you look like?” he asks, opening his eye to loom at you. “not in a bad way,” he corrects himself. “your looks are like a plus to me,” he says, “i love that you’re strong. that you stand your ground. you’re levelheaded and so much more. whatever you went through to get those injuries, i’m betting it was pretty badass of you.”

you state, in full shock. “i-it was…?”

he smiles, “want to tell me what’s up?”

you take a deep breath. “um…” you wipe your tears away, “i… i belonged to a kingdom. it was at war, a few years back. my injuries weren’t as bad as they seem now,” you raise your hand to your neck, “i sliced my neck and took my own life to put an end to the war.”

“hm?”

“both kingdoms wanted me. as a puppet. just for face. but if neither could have me, there was no point to anything. so… i ended it… but before it, i casted an ancient spell, so that i could come back to life. it was supposed to happen quickly but it took a while, my body was starting to decompose and the injuries i had taken were the first to do so..”

“like a zombie.”

you smile, “yeah, somewhat.”

“then how come you’re like this right now?”

you look away, still uncomfortable. “i forgot to use my armament haki, to take less damage. any strong and harsh impacts cause the spell to lag.” you mess with a piece of flesh sticking out of your palm.

“hey,” he calls for your attention, you give it to him.

“hm?”

“c’mere,” he extends and arm.

you shake your head, “zoro, i’m all skin and bones! literally! brook would have so much joke material with me!”

but he gives you a look.

and you realize he doesn’t care what you look like. how different you’d feel.

“y/n,” he says softly, “you’re still y/n.”

you scoot in, heart racing. “zoro…” you say, still hesitant.

he grabs you anyway, pulling you close to his body. “tell me.”

“tell you?” you question, tense and with a desire to push him away.

“everything.” he says, “everything i don’t know about you.”

“there’s not much…”

“y/n… you’re still y/n.”

and you don’t understand why you burst into tears.

all you know is that zoro… is zoro. and zoro still loves you.

#luffy x reader #zoro x reader #zoro x female reader #luffy x female reader #one piece x y/n #one piece headcanons #one piece x reader #one piece imagine #luffy x y/n #zoro x y/n #luffy headcanons #zoro headcanons #tw

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stilespeters · 1 year

Text

Keep your head up (part 3)

(part 1) (part 2*) (part 3)

pairing: Kai Anderson x fem!reader

a/n: i need to sleep

word count: 3350

summary: After your death, Kai discovers the truth and loses something greater than his dignity

warnings: violence, swearing, angst, murder, hallucinations, stabbing

A blue haired man was kneeling on the ground with nothing but pain and regret crossing his mind. He was trembling violently, and his eyes stood cold yet full of emotion.

It wasn't supposed to happen like this, it wasn't supposed to happen at all. But yet here he was, in this situation where he couldn’t run away from. He expected to feel happy, happy that he found the mole, but all he felt was dread.

He was nailed to the ground, his heart aching with sorrow. It felt like he was made of feathers, his head empty as everything spun around him. He couldn't grasp the feeling that you were gone, and the rest of his cult members all watched as he cried in agony over your corpse.

He had just killed the love of his life, his only equal he’s ever known. The only light at the end of the tunnel who guided him through the good and the bad times. He was and still is an emotional wreck, and as much as he concealed it with a poker face, in moments like these his mask just falls off. You were usually there for him when he would pull down his mask.

He closed his eyes, but all he could see was your face. All he could see was your lifeless eyes who used to be full of energy and joy. All he could see were memories that would haunt him for a lifetime.

There were thirty people inside the room, but he felt alone. They all stared wide-eyed at him. If he was capable of murdering you, he was capable of anything. They all feared Kai, they knew he was capable of a lot of things, but they knew even Kai had his limits.

They initially thought that he would scare you or throw you in the box for several weeks, but they never expected Kai to burst out like this. They never expected him to actually kill you.

He bent forward till his head rested on your stomach, and the shirt you were wearing was getting wet by his tears. He screamed into the fabric and it got muted by your belly.

“Kai what have you done?!” Winter kept screaming in the background and when Speedwagon and Pussbucket let her go, she rushed towards Kai and tried to push him to the ground. Those attempts failed and when she tried to punch him, Kai grabbed her wrist, and he pulled her in. Winter just sobbed into his chest. She lost her sister, the person who truly understood her. She lost the person who were there for her when she was going through the most crappy shit of her life. You were her other half. You had saved her.

And now she wasn't able to save you. She had to watch this horrible scene unfold without having any influence on the outcome. She felt like she failed.

As the Anderson siblings wailed on the ground together as they broke like a fragile vase, Meadow was standing with her arms crossed and a satisfied smile on her face. She had deleted the footage of the cameras in the house, and she felt proud of herself for figuring out how to do it. It took her a long time of watching youtube tutorials on how to do it, but that wasn't the point. There wasn't any evidence that she was the one who planted the recording device and the New York ticket in your safe.

Now that you are gone, she can finally have Kai for herself. Meadow was the type of girl to fall in love with any guy who shows her any type of affection. And the first moment she joined Kai’s group, she wanted to be special to him. But you were always at his side, you were his number one, and she believed that the only thing that kept her from being with Kai, was you. If you were gone, Kai would learn how to love her. She could fix him.

She knew Kai would be grieving for your death for a while, and she would happily be there for him in those times. By supporting him and showing love in times like those, she was going to win his heart.

What Meadow didn't realize though, was that his heart already belonged to one person and one person only.

The only time where he ever felt whole, was with you. No woman could ever replace you, no woman would come even close. His heart belonged to you, and when he choked you, he felt like he was slowly dying himself. When Kai pulled the trigger and killed you, he killed a part of himself with you.

You were his first love and you were going to be his last.

Meadow was naive, but she wasn't entirely dumb. If everything were to go south and Kai would figure out she framed you, she’d flee before Kai could unleash his wrath on her. However she didn't see how it could go wrong because she had planned everything a few weeks ago. There was no way Kai would figure it out.

Meadow had finally won the battle she always used to lose.

One thing she didn't realize was that a brunette woman watched Meadow intensely as she smiled at the sight of your corpse. She was oblivious, too drunk in the feeling of victory that she didn't feel the woman’s eyes on her.

Ally Mayfair Richards stood on the other side of the room and watched everything unfold. She was glaring at Meadow, and Ally was suspicious. She knew the feud you two had and she found the whole ordeal fishy. Ally and you were pretty good friends, and so Ally wanted to know the real truth. Kai was too blinded by paranoia that he couldn't see that something wasn't right. Ally was the only one along with you, who saw right through Meadow's bullshit.

After everyone left the room and Kai was alone with your body. His sobs had quieten down, and Meadow had left along with the rest.

He was now sitting against the wall with a vodka bottle in his hands and he had dried tears on his cheeks. His knuckles were painted with several bruises from him lashing out against the wall out of frustration and his eyes stood blank. His head still felt like it weighed nothing, and he felt the alcohol do its magic as he sniffed.

He downed more liquid down his throat.

Once every last drop was gone from the bottle, he threw it with all his might against the wall and it broke into pieces, just like his life shattered into pieces. It’s kinda ironic.

His head pounded and he tried to keep himself together for the sake of his dignity and role as a leader.

He stayed with you for the rest of the day without seeing anyone, and as he eventually had to go to the toilet, he walked upstairs.

Everybody stopped what they were doing and they looked in fear as Kai marched his way through the halls. Meadow waited for him and when she saw him, she immediately rushed towards him. Kai however pushed her to the side aggressively.

“Get out of my way, Meadow.” Kai sneered. He didntwant to speak or see anyone.

Meadow was taken aback and had her mouth agape. She expected him to show a bit more gratitude for exposing ‘the mole’ he was so paranoid about for several weeks. She blinked and she watched as Ally rounded the corner and walked after him.

She was on his tail as he made his way to the kitchen counter. When he stood with his back towards her, Ally tapped his shoulder.

He was fuming, and his muscles were tense. Anyone who talked to him was gonna be his scapegoat for the next couple of hours. In times like these, it was better not to bother Kai in any shape, way or form, otherwise you could literally lose a limb. However, Ally had to tell something important.

Kai’s nostrils flared and his eyes burned with rage. Ally rested her hand on his shoulder and rubbed soothing patterns.

“Not now, Ally.” he warned through gritted teeth.

She didn't listen. Instead, she turned him around to face him. Kai lashed out at her and tried to slap her, but Ally dodged it just in time. This happened regularly so she knew what to expect from Kai. It was like a routine. “You need to see this,” she urged. “It’s about Y/n.”

Kai became intrigued as she mentioned your name. It felt weird hearing someone say it when you were in the basement decaying. Kai furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

Ally grabbed her laptop and a disk, and she searched for something. When she got what she was looking for, she turned the screen towards Kai. “You might want to take a look at this.”

On the screen was camera footage from the kitchen they were standing in. However, the time on the bottom of the screen indicated that the time this was recorded took place in the morning. Kai didn't exactly know what he was looking at until Ally zoomed in on the painting. It was where the safe was behind, and when Ally sped up the footage, he saw a blonde woman enter the room of the kitchen.

The woman had something in her hands. She looked around once or twice before fiddling with the buttons on the safe. When she opened it, it became clear what she placed in the safe It was a recording device and a ticket to New York in it, and when she turned around, Kai got to see a clear look on her face. It was Meadow.

He turned pale and his eyes went wide. His fists balled up till his knuckles turned white and he watched in horror as the camera footage replayed. “It was Meadow all along, she framed Y/n. Y/n spoke the truth. Meadow placed the ticket and recording device in the safe, and stole the footage of the kitchen this morning, but she didn't wipe out the hard drive.”

After that, everything Ally said faded into the background and Kai heard yet again a high pitched beep. It took him a while before he realized what this actualy meant.

His world was spinning, his head became light, he heard a high tone pitch and he felt nauseous. It couldn't be true, right? Kai yanked the device from Ally’s hands, and when he rewinded everything, he got a nasty taste in his mouth. He hoped that it would show him a different video. However, it stayed the same.

Everything was all for nothing. He fucking killed you for nothing.

Ally took a step back when she saw he was trembling with confusion and rage. This man was broken beyond repair. He was drowning and beyond saving. He was falling without having anyone to pull him up.

He suddenly stomped away, punching some of the paintings on the wall to the ground. Everything shattered, just like his life.

He had gone haywire.

“MEADOW!” He screamed, and Ally knew this wasn't gonna end well. He would most likely kill Meadow in the most horrible way possible. Bot that she was opposed to that. She thought Meadow was shallow, but no one deserved Kai's wrath. He’d make her suffer greatly before he’d kill her, and he searched every nook and cranny of his house. Ally could almost see steam from how much rage he had and she tried to keep up with him as he stormed through the house.

Eventually he stopped as he realized Meadow had fled, and it made him realize she probably eavesdropped on Ally and his conversation in the kitchen.

“FUCK!” He punched the wall and his fist broke it. Now there was a hole in the wall and he most likely had an injured hand. However he didn't feel any pain physically. It felt like he just went through the five stages of grief. "FUCKING BITCH!"

As he made another walk in his house, he punched everything he saw from the walls and tables. All that was heard echoing from the walls were the sounds of shattering objects and glass, and when his fists were bloody to the bone, he came to a stop in his bedroom. He stood panting with his body leaned forward with his hands supporting his body.

He was at your desk.

After five minutes, he slammed his fist into the wood, and he turned around and sat down with his back against the dresser. He had calmed down a bit and stopped punching random things. He was just searching for stability. The only thing that gave him that was you, and now that you were gone, so was his stability.

Suddenly a presence was near him, and as he wanted to throw hands at the person who disturbed him, he suddenly saw something that made him question his sanity. That’s when he realized that without stability, he felt like he was losing his mind. It was as if his brain was playing tricks on him. Everything felt like a deception.

He saw your shoes, and his head got pulled up as a finger was placed under his chin. He then came face to face with you and you laid your hands on his cheeks. “Keep your head up, dear.”

Kai stared at you wide-eyed. His nostrils were still flared and a vein in his forehead was protruding.

He scanned your face. It was as if you were actually there. It was as if you were actually kneeled in front of him, even though he knew you weren't really there. He didn't feel any body warmth from your touch on his cheek. He couldn't feel you, but he could sense you.

He reached his fingers out to your lips slowly, and as his index finger and middle finger brushed against your lips, tears escaped his eyes. You gently grabbed his wrist and rubbed soothing motions.

It felt weird, and part of him knew it was only the hallucination from alcohol intoxication, but somehow this felt real. Your skin felt cold but somehow you left a trail of warmth in his heart.

“I’m so sorry.” he breathed and you pressed your lips into a line. “I know, baby. I know you are.”

“I should have believed you, I should've known that you would never betray me.”

He saw the same look in your eyes as when you breathed your last breath. You looked peaceful, you looked like the overly happy girl whom he met in the summer of 2010. You looked like you accepted everything, which made him feel even more bad.

You grabbed his hands in yours, and placed kisses on top of the bruises he got.

“It’s okay, Kai. Just promise me something. Take care of Winnie, okay? Don’t push her away, she has already lost so much. She probably won't forgive you for a long time, but please don't push her away.” you asked him and he nodded. You smiled at that and it was a smile Kai hadn't seen in a long time. You always used to smile everywhere you went, but after three years of dating, something just changed. It wasn't only a change in your behavior, but there was a huge change in your relationship. Dedication wasn't something your relationship lacked. It was passion that was missing. The flame that once burned brighter than the sun was now merely smoke.

Kai looked at his feet again and you gently laid your hands on his face to make eye contact with you again.

“Remember to keep your head up. Keep your head up and nothing can ever stop you. You’ll be invincible” you pressed your forehead against his. “You got this, my sweet angel.”

Kai gave you a weak smile and his stomach was hurting from the crying. It was hurting from all the pain, regret and grief.

“Remember, I’m here with you, I’ll always be here with you. I stuck to your side for 6 years and I planned to stick by your side till death do us part. And I kept my promise, I’ll always look out for you.”

He smiled at that through his tears and it was quiet for a while before he spoke up again.

“I really did love you.” he breathed and you chuckled. “I know, angel. I really did love you too.” You stood up from your kneeling position and Kai looked up at you. You bit your lip.

“Meadow fled by the way, she took the ticket to New York.”

Just at the mention of Meadow’s name, Kai’s blood began to boil and his muscles tensed again. That stupid bitch was the cause of everything and the worst part is, she almost succeeded. You affirming that she fled was enough for Kai to be even more furious if that were even possible.

You saw this and you had a concerned look on your face.

“Look at me.” Kai hadn't noticed that he dozed off, as he imagined stabbing Meadow, and as he snapped his eyes back to you, you brushed his cheek again.

“You’ll survive. You’re a fighter.”

He closed his eyes as he rested his head against your arm.

You two stayed like that for several minutes before you pulled back. “I’ll wait for you. In the meantime, keep your head up and trust your own gut instead of unreliable sources.” Kai nodded. “I love you, keep your head up and be invincible.”

He nodded and wanted to ask you something, but as he opened his eyes again, you were gone.

Now he sat alone in his bedroom on the rug, and the alcohol intoxication amplified his anger.

He didn't know if you were really there or if it was all in his head. He wasn't sure.

He was sure of one thing though.

He was going to kill Meadow, and he’s going to make her suffer greatly. Kai would project all of his anger and rage on Meadow.

3 days later (friday)

at the airport

Kai wore sunglasses and a hat, and as he saw the back of Meadow’s head, he slowly approached her. She looked oblivious and had her luggage in her hand. She was only hours away from getting the fuck out of Michigan and going to the big Apple.

She entered the women's toilet, and she went to the back stall.

She never thought that she would get away, let alone step a foot outside of Kai’s house, but she was relieved. Meadow really thought that she could create a future with Kai, but after Ally showed Kai that she was the one framing you, Kai was probably furious. Luckily she eavesdropped their conversation so she was ready to get the fuck away from there. Victory was short lived, but in the end, you were dead so she saw that as a win for herself and the world.

Meadow left Kai’s home right on time before Kai started his rampage.

Two male shoes were suddenly standing on the other side of the stall, it peeked up into Meadow’s stalls. She sighed. “Why are you in the women’s bathroom?” she asked and when she got no answer back, she huffed. “Well okay Mr Mysterious. Just so you know, I’m not giving you a blowjob.”

Kai rolled his eyes and clenched his jaws. Before he could say anything further, Meadow was first.

"Alright you know what? Just come in here and I'll do it quick for you. My mouth is really dry though, and my gag reflex is really sensitive."

She opened the door and she looked at the ground, not paying any attention.

“A life for a life,” Kai then said and the sounds of his low voice echoed against the walls. Meadow froze as she recognized the voice, and her head snapped up to his. She tried to reclose the door, but Kai pried himself inside before she could place the lock. When Kai was inside of the small stall, he closed the door behind him and locked it.

Meadow then felt something cold press against her neck. “Heads up.” Kai whispered in her ear, and Meadow shrieked. However, she obliged and looked him in the eyes looking up at him as Kai continued talking. “I want to look at you as life leaves your eyes. I wanna look at you as I take your last breath.” As Meadow widened her eyes Kai was satisfied. Kai then stabbed the blade into her back, and her sounds got silenced by Kai’s hand who was muffling the sounds.

She wasn’t dead, yet. Although she is gonna wish she were.

Thre hours later, Kai locked the door and slid underneath back to the other side. He kept Meadow alive at first. He just tortured her, all in the name of you. He did everything for you. He made sure to give her as much pain as possible, and he walked to the sink to wash off the blood.

Killing Meadow felt satisfying but it didn't feel liberating. He had avenged your death, sure. But nothing in this world was gonna bring you back.

He only found one more solution.

If Meadow were to watch Kai from above the clouds or below the darkest pit of hell, he hoped she’d see that he was going to kill everyone she loved. And he hoped that she would have to watch him while she couldn't do a single thing to stop him.

He kept his head up, and he was invincible. He was going to kill Meadow’s entire family tree who were still alive.

#evan peters #evan peters smut #evan peters x reader #evan peters x you #kai anderson x reader #kai anderson x female reader #kai anderson #kai anderson x y/n #kai anderson x you #kai anderson smut #ahs cult #evan peters x y/n #evan peters x female reader #evan

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dottores · 2 years

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the closest to heaven | sanzu h.

sanzu haruchiyo x fem!reader

summary: im sorry im so lazy and i just want to post this -- soft sex w vulnerable house husband sanzu

warnings: bonten timeline au, sub!sanzu, house husband!sanzu, vulnerable!sanzu, gang executive!reader, soft dom/service dom!reader, kind of body worship, praise, pet names (baby), slight breeding kink, mentions of past severe physical wounds/implied disability + ptsd because of them (Sanzu)

notes: this is very much selfship and i was hesitant on sharing but my friends convinced, please be mindful with tags, i just wanted to be soft with haruchiyo sobs + i also might be basing a mini series off of this

wordcount: 3.3k

not doing full taglist: @kaeyaphoria @scandescent @sano-obsessed @thomaphoria @dear-xiao @manjiroscum @arozaur @kazuwhora

He tried his best. He really, really did. But as much as he wished to be, and as much as he tried to be, Sanzu Haruchiyo was just simply not cut out to be a house husband. He could not cook--everything he tried to cook ended up inedible and he had nearly set your home on fire several times, causing more work for you when all he wanted was to make something for you so you could relax after a long day at work; he could not clean, he had the attention span of a gnat and every time he tried, he got distracted and forgot to finish and only remembered when you came home with that disappointed stare as you looked around the apartment and his heart felt like it was lodged in his throat.

Because you took care of him so well, you bought him everything he wanted, made sure that he never had to ask for anything, work for anything, and he couldn’t even give you the most simple things. He missed being able to be by your side and he hated trying to do things for you and failing miserably.

And the worst part was that everybody knew. Ran, who was the perfect house husband for his partner--home always spotless and fancy dinners always made for when they came home from work. Rindou, who worked with you, who Sanzu knew had his eye on you and looked down on him knowing that he would be able to do better for you.

He hated it.

And Ran was vocal about it, constantly making snide comments whenever they crossed paths in the apartment complex, like today. Rindou didn’t need to be, it showed on his face whenever Sanzu showed up with you to a work event on your arm--the flash of hatred, disgust, jealousy.

He hated it.

And he tried his best to pretend it didn’t bother him but…

“You cause more work for her than you do help, don’t even know why she still wastes her time with you.”

He stared out the window, Ran’s words ringing through his head over and over and over again as he tried to answer the question himself. Why, why, why, why?

But no answer came.

You came home late again. A sigh on your lips as you slipped off the blazer you wore to the negotiation meeting, hanging it up on the coat rack before tugging the tie around your neck, letting it hang loose. You turned your attention back toward the rest of the apartment, frowning when Sanzu wasn’t there to greet you, and when you didn’t smell the burnt attempt at dinner like you usually did.

You frowned, “Haruchiyo,” you called, anxiety building when you got no response from your husband, “Baby, where are you?”

You dropped your bag to the ground as panic began to set in when you got no response. Flicking the lights on to look in the kitchen for him, throat closing up when you realized he wasn’t sitting at the table waiting for you.

“Baby?” your voice edged at a more desperate tone, mind beginning to swarm with worst case scenario thoughts. It wouldn’t be the first time that Bonten’s enemies went after its executives’ loved ones as a means to get to them, and while you knew Sanzu could take care of himself, having been Bonten Number Two until the incident that rendered both him and Haitani Ran bedridden for nearly a year and removed from their positions in the organization, it had also been three years since he had actually had to fight, or train.

“Ba-” you began, heart lodged in your throat but you cut yourself off with a sigh of relief when you saw your husband curled up on the seat by the window, forehead pressed against the glass, knees tucked to his chest. “Baby, what’re you doing?” you asked softly as you approached him. He didn’t react, and a frown tugged at your lips when you reached out to touch his shoulder, heartbeat faltering when Sanzu physically flinched at the touch, finally tearing his gaze from the window to look at you.

“Hey,” you kept your voice soft as to not startle him, kneeling next to him on the seat by the window. You brought one hand up to touch his face, gently cupping his cheek and you hated how his eyes were glassy as they met yours before they fluttered shut, leaning into your touch. You leaned in, bringing your free hand to his opposite cheek, holding his face in your hands as you traced his cheekbones with your thumb. He let out a shaky breath, hot against your skin, “Baby, talk to me.”

His lips parted as if he were going to speak, eyes briefly opening before he closed his lips and looked away. You shifted closer, pressing your lips against his pink ones gently and you swore your heart broke when you felt his lips trembling against yours. Your lips moved slowly against his, trying to soothe him into a less distressed state because you knew from years of experience that when Sanzu got quiet and shaky, his mental state was bad.

After a few moments, you pulled back, lips brushing his, “Talk to me,” you murmured.

And for a second, you feared he was going to look away again but instead, he looked up at you through his lashes, jaw clenched momentarily before his lips parted to speak, “I don’t know why you want me,” he said, and your heart dropped in your chest, “I’m not-I don’t do anything good for you-”

“What?” you gaped, voice little over a whisper, interrupting him, but he ignored you.

“I fuck everything up,” he continued, “Everybody knows it. I make so much extra work for you and I can’t protect you like I used to and-”

“Haruchiyo!” you said sharply and Sanzu’s lips zipped shut instantly, he looked away. You forced him to look back at you, “Haruchiyo, I want you because I love you.”

He didn’t believe you, and your stomach sunk when you noticed the dark look on his face, and you opened your mouth to say something else but paused, a new idea coming to mind, “C’mere, let’s get off the window seat, yeah?” you murmured and Sanzu’s eyes narrowed but you didn’t give him the chance to argue, helping to tug him to his feet.

You pulled him over to the bed gently, laying him back and you watched as his face tinted pink as he looked away from you. You only smiled lightly, cupping his cheeks again and making him look at you, “Look at me, baby,” you murmured and you watched as Sanzu looked up at you through his long, wet lashes. You stroked the skin of his cheeks and his chest was rising and falling rapidly as you straddled his waist. “I love coming home to you trying to cook me something, Haru, and-”

“I fuck up,” Sanzu interrupted, “Burn shit, make a mess, I make things so much harder and-”

You shut him up by pressing your lips against his softly, “And I love it regardless,” and you watch as he physically faltered, confusion covering his face as his brows furrowed, “Haruchiyo, the fact that you keep trying and trying even though it doesn’t turn out the way you want means the world to me.”

And your voice choked up because you hated seeing him like this. It had been so long since he had worked himself up into a state like this and the last time it had happened it had gotten messy in the worst ways--it had been right after the accident when Mikey had told him that he wouldn’t be able to take his place back as Bonten’s second. He had gotten nasty, cruel and Rindou and Ran and even Kakucho and Kokonoi had told you to take a break, to let him ride out his anger on his own but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it.

Because he wasn’t angry, he was hurt and upset and he didn’t know how to cope with the change and what type of friend would you have been if you had left him to suffer on his own?

So you pushed through despite the vile words and insults spit toward you and you were there as the anger shifted to distress and you were able to catch him before he hit rock bottom.

You pressed your lips to his forehead, lingering there for a moment before pulling back again, “I know adjusting hasn’t been easy, and I know you’re trying your best for me-”

“It’s been years,” his voice was hoarse, “I should be-”

“Three years is nothing in comparison to a lifestyle you had grown used to for almost twenty, Haruchiyo,” you interrupted him, “But you’re trying and-”

“But Ran-”

“I don’t give a shit about Ran,” you said sharply, watching as his face shifted into one of surprise, “I don’t care about any of them like I do for you. If I had a choice of any person in the world, I would still choose you a million times over because I love you, Haruchiyo.”

His chest heaving and his breath was shaky and you could tell that he was trying his best not to crumble. “I love you,” his voice was little over a breath and his eyes were glassy and your chest tightened almost painfully as you leaned down to kiss him again. Sanzu didn’t verbalize his emotions often, he’d rather show them through his actions, and you knew that when he did it was always a huge show of vulnerability on his part.

This time, his hands came up to your face, one hand sliding behind your head and the other cupping your cheek. His lips moved against yours insistently, desperately, he clung to you like a lifeline and you kissed him back just as urgently, hoping to convey all of the emotions that you couldn’t quite figure out how to voice out loud. The ‘I love yous’ that ran deeper than just mere words and the ‘I’ll never leave you’ that you knew he didn’t believe whenever you told him.

“So much,” you breathed out against his lips, “So fuckin’ much, Haru, you make everything worth it.”

“Stop that,” his voice shook and you wanted to cry because you knew he couldn’t handle affection--verbal, physical or otherwise. He had gotten better with physical affection over the years but verbal always made him curl in on himself, it broke down walls that he wasn’t ready to let fall.

“No,” you said and pressed your lips back to his before he could protest, one hand coming up to grab the hand he had cupping your face, intertwining your fingers and pressing his hand down against the mattress next to his head. His free hand fell to your waist, dipping beneath your dress shirt to touch your skin, fingers digging in almost painfully, and you slipped your other hand behind his head, holding him as close as possible.

Your tongue traced the inside of his mouth, tasting the honey on his tongue and the spice on his lips. After a few moments, you pulled back, kissing the rough skin of the diamond-shaped scar on the right side of his lips.

“You’re so pretty, Haru,” you murmured, and your name left his lips so shakily that it nearly had you tearing up. But instead, you focused your attention on his neck, sucking gently, tracing soft patterns on the sensitive skin that always had him whimpering and gasping. His grip tightened on your hand as your teeth grazed his skin, you peeked up at his face, entranced by the light flush decorating his cheeks and the way he bit down hard on his bottom lip. “Prettiest boy in the whole world.”

He inhaled sharply as your teeth dug down lightly into the crevice of his neck, a soft whine, muffled from where he was biting his lip, vibrated in his chest and throat.

Your free hand slid from behind his head down to his chest, your other hand squeezed his gently as you worked at unbuttoning his shirt, exposing the skin of his chest. Your nails traced patterns on his skin, his body jerked as you ran your pointer finger around his nipple, breath heavy.

He murmured your name again and you pulled your lips from his neck, eyes falling on his pretty green ones, dark and dilated and barely focused on you.

“You’re so sensitive, baby,” you giggled, amused, watching as the flush spread across his face darkened.

“‘m not,” he said quietly but the protest was only half-hearted.

“Gonna let me take care of you tonight?” you asked, searching his face for any sort of hesitancy. Sanzu hated giving up control—so much of his life was already out of his own control that he clutched onto any sort of sense of control he possibly could, and you would never push if he was uncomfortable with ceding it to you.

His lips, puffy and red from your kisses, parted to say something. No words left his lips but after a few moments, he nodded, “Yeah,” he said and you smiled at him.

“I’ve got you, baby,” you whispered, bringing your lips back to his neck and dragging them down to his collarbone. His breath was quick and heavy as your hand trailed down his chest and abdomen, tracing the lines of his abdomen and the scars decorating his skin.

You slid down his body, lips running along his skin, your free hand drifting down to the waistband of his pants as you pressed soft kisses along the deep scar etched across his chest and upper abdomen—the remnants of the wound that prevented Sanzu from returning to his position in Bonten.

His breath caught and his grip on your hand tightened again, you could feel his eyes trained on you. “Relax, baby,” you murmured against his skin before repeating, “I got you.”

He didn’t respond but he let his body sink into the mattress, only lifting his hips to help you slip off his pants and underwear. His grip on your hand remained tight and you smiled against his abdomen as your other hand wrapped gently around his cock. A soft whimper slipped from his lips as you lazily pumped him, thumb running over his leaky tip, smearing precum over his head and down his length.

Your name left his lips as little more than a breath, trailing off into a half-whine and you squeezed his hand gently as reassurance. “I’ve got you,” you repeated, “always got you, Haruchiyo.”

You pulled your lips from his abdomen and slid down a little more, pressing a soft kiss to the tip of his cock, watching as his hips jerked up and he let out a sharp inhale.

You moved back up his body, straddling his hips, suppressing the moan that rose to your chest when you felt his cock slide between your folds. Sanzu was unable to muffle the moan, a pretty, soft moan escaping his lips as his hips bucked up.

You ran your thumb over the back of his hand soothingly, your free hand coming up to cup his face as you sunk down on his cock. Your lips parted at the feeling of Sanzu’s cock stretching your walls, thighs trembling lightly on either side of his hips. Your fingers traced his cheekbones, lips grazing his as he let out another moan, breath hot and quick mixing with yours and it made you dizzy.

Your eyes fluttered shut as he bottomed out inside of you but you forced them back open, intent on watching him instead. His cheeks were flushed pink, eyes squeezed shut.

You ran your fingers over his swollen bottom lip, “Open your eyes, baby,” you said quietly, watching raptly as Sanzu’s eyes opened, green eyes lidded and glassy and unfocused, hair splayed out on the mattress beneath his head.

“You’re so pretty, Haru,” you murmured again, shivering at the feeling of hot breath quickening against your fingers, at the way he could barely hold his eyes open.

You rolled your hips against his, letting out a soft moan as you felt his cock drag against your walls. Sanzu groaned against the fingers resting on his lips and you brought your hand back to his cheek, the tips of your fingers gently running through his loose hair.

You pressed your lips against his jaw, muffling your moans, kissing up and down his neck, more focused on the pretty sounds spilling from his lips than your own pleasure.

His grip on your hand was tight and the fingers of his free hand were trembling against your thigh as you picked up the pace of your hips, rocking yourself harder, faster, you could feel his tip nudging your cervix with every bounce of your hips; listening as the soft moans and whimpers shifted into louder ones, higher pitched.

Your eyes flickered back up to his face, watching as his green half-rolled back, as his jaw went slack, as his grip tightened on your hand and the fingers against your thigh pressed in deeper.

He was close, you could hear it in how his moans grew more desperate, in how his hips rocked up to meet yours, in how he pressed his head back hard against the mattress.

“That’s it, baby,” your voice broke mid-sentence, a moan slipping out instead, “That’s it.”

“Feels s’good,” Sanzu slurred, bucking his hips up faster against yours, “So good.”

His lashes were wet and eyes were watery and you couldn’t draw your gaze from his face. “Wanna feel you cum for me, baby,” you gasped, “wanna feel you fill me up.”

The pace of your hips became erratic, desperate to bring both Sanzu and yourself to your highs. At your words, Sanzu’s moan choked, head tossed back, tears slipping down his face, “‘m cummin’, fuck, fuck, ‘m cumming, I-“

Your mouth dropped open and you pressed your lips hard against his as you felt him spill his release inside of you, teeth nearly clashing against his as you groaned into his mouth, eyes fluttering shut as your own high hit you suddenly.

You grinded your hips down hard against his, shaky as you rode out your high, feeling Sanzu whimper into your mouth, squeezing your hand tight as sensitivity began to take hold.

Your breath was heavy as you panted against his lips, body coming to rest limp on Sanzu’s chest. You lifted your head up to press soft kisses against his jaw and neck, kissing both of his scars, lips caressing the rough skin before you finally kissed his lips, your free hand wiping the stray tears that had spilled from his eyes.

His lips moved weak against yours, chest still rising and falling rapidly as he tried to recover from his high.

“I love you,” you murmured against his lips, “So fucking much. No one could ever compare to you, Haruchiyo.”

You weren’t even sure if he was fully registering what you were saying, eyes still unfocused on your face, chest still heaving. And you knew it wouldn’t be enough, you knew in a few weeks he would probably face that same rattling fear of abandonment and insecurity but you would make sure to be there again so you could wash them away.

#sanzu x reader #sanzu smut #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo revengers smut #sanzu x you #sanzu haruchiyo x reader #sanzu haruchiyo smut #sanzu haruchiyo x you #tokyo revengers x you #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo rev smut #tokyo rev x you #cat’s selfships ;; caru

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delilahirina · 10 months

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Once upon a time there was a gloomy midnight, cursed, plunged in the deepest purples and reds, while I was looking, on my bed with a sheet printed with basketballs, weak and tired, many photo albums, full of memories, while my eyes had not slept for a long time and my dark circles had become painful...

As I was nodding off, almost taking a nap, something I had sworn I would never do again, suddenly there was a tapping sound, as of someone knocking softly, banging on my front door.

"At this hour?", I muttered, "No, it can't be, there can't be anyone at this hour, it must be just the wind...just that and nothing more".

I distinctly remember it was in the bleak December; and every dying ember left its ghost on the ground.

I anxiously looked forward to the next day, and the day after that, until the end of my days. From my albums came the relief of grief, grief for my rare and radiant friend, named Sunny, once a whole person, full of life, strange but overwhelmingly happy...now, in the ground, under a coffin, now nameless here and forever more.

And the silky, sad, uncertain whisper of each orange patterned curtain of those stupid basketballs...I shivered, filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before; so now, to calm my heartbeat, I kept repeating....

Suddenly my soul grew stronger; then I hesitated no longer, and carefully made my way down my darkened house, avoiding bumping into the stair railing, and grabbed the knob of my front door, and peeked out part of my face, feeling the cold night air crashing against my features.

"'It's Hero, my parents, they want to come in the house. Yes, that must be it. It's that and nothing more."

"Hero?" I said, "It's 3 o'clock in the morning, Hero, why are you coming home at this hour?" here I opened the door wide... darkness and nothing more.

Deep in that darkness, looking out into the empty street, hearing the little creaks of the flow of electricity powering every house in this cursed town, I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, imagining things no mortal dared to dream before, a ghost, a creature, anything inexplicable to the human; But nothing was happening, but the silence was unwavering, and the stillness gave no sign, and the only word I managed to utter from my mouth was the whispered word, "Sunshine?" This I whispered, and a cursed echo, a resonant, haunted echo from the darkness of the night, beyond the trees, murmured the word, "Sunshine!"... only this and nothing more.

I went back to my room, slamming my door shut, running, with beads of cold sweat running down my forehead, my soul on fire, feeling my body tensing and my breath quickening, and my eyes bloodshot as I locked my room, when, soon I heard again a knocking somewhat louder than before.

"Surely," I said, "surely it must be some drunk wanting to play a prank, surely it's some person, Kim, someone, wanting to punish me for not saving Sunny, probably it's nothing, yes, it must be that, just that and nothing more."

Here, I walked down towards the living room, my hands shaking, and flung open the door expecting some infamous, Mephistophile creature, when, with much flapping and effort, in came a majestic raven from the holy days of yore. A plumage black as night, and pupils as black as Sunny's. Not for a minute did he bow, not for a minute did he pause, but, with arrogance and elegance, interrupted in my home, ascending to my room, and finding himself in my room dimly lit by the night lamp I own, he perched on an old photograph with my group of friends, right next to my bed... he perched, sat down and did nothing more.

Then this ebony bird seduced my sad fancy to smile, by the grave and severe decorum of the countenance he wore, I could see him, I could see him.

"S-Sunny," I said, plunged into the deepest madness and delirium, "It's you! I-I knew you couldn't have died, I knew you would come back to me" I said in tears, almost sobbing at the sight of the raven's black eyes, as I tried to erase from my memory his crushed body and non-existent head on the hospital parking lot floor "Sunny! Say something, please, please, please say something, I need you, I don't know what to do, Basil was murdered and Aubrey hasn't left her house. Please, what can I do, say something." Forgetting that crows couldn't talk, I don't know what I expected, even if this crow was Sunny, he obviously couldn't answer me, when, unexpectedly, the crow uttered: "Nevermore".

I was amazed to hear the voice of this raven, it was identical to the voice of my beloved Sunny, and not only that, this ungainly bird spoke so clearly, the mere fact that it spoke was wonderful, however, its response held little meaning, little relevance in my eyes, for we cannot help but agree that no human being alive has ever been blessed to see a bird with the countenance of his beloved, in his own room, and have it answer him with a word such as "Nevermore".

And the raven, sitting placidly and solitary in the picture frame, said only that one word, as if his soul in that one word was poured out. Nothing more did he utter, not a feather did he flutter, nor did his beak gesticulate, nor did his eyes move....

Until I barely murmured "Sunny, you don't know how happy I am...thank you, thank you for coming back, promise me you'll never leave again, that you won't fly away again like my hopes." Then the bird declared, "Nevermore."

Startled by the answer so aptly delivered, I smiled, trying to make sense of the answer "Sunny" I said, "You are so sweet, so beautiful, in spite of all that happened you came back, but please, say something else" then I pondered. He jumped off the roof, wanting to end his life, and whatever was tormenting him would stop him at that moment, and so he can only exclaim the word "Nevermore".

But the raven kept seducing my sad fantasy to smile, to smile at its soothing presence, so similar to that of my beloved, and so, I stood on the edge of my bed, moving my head to one side like a curious labrador dog, looking at the beautiful bird and the open door to the darkness.

Then, letting myself sink into the soft mattress stamped by those damn basketballs, I started thinking.

I was thinking, thinking fiercely, thinking about what this ominous bird of yesteryear, possessed by my departed beloved, my gangly, ghastly, emaciated, ominous bird of yesteryear with the voice of my extinct sunbeam wanted to say as it squawked "Nevermore."

But the bird did not utter another word, the raven did not utter another sentence, and stood there, watching me, dimly illuminated by the orange lamp, a bird with the countenance of my beloved represented in that photograph on which I was sitting, ready to return to school after a hard summer, now unable to see a summer again, a bird whose dead eyes now slaughtered my heart. With this doubt, I stared at the bird, as I felt my head burn with a thousand doubts, observing the shadow the bird cast on the wooden floor of my home, a black that reminded me of a hole, a hole into which my beloved fell, and from which he may come out nevermore.

Then, it seemed to me, the air became thicker, perfumed with the pretty scent of tulips that my beloved was expelling as he walked, with a tired but beautiful face, and then, in desperation, I grabbed the face of the raven from its banks.

"Sunny", I cried, "Say something else, I will do anything, I will play with you, I will give you everything you ever wanted, we will go on adventures, everything will go back to normal, we will return to happiness, but please, say something else" And then the raven said a prayer word I feared: "Nevermore".

"Sunny!" said I, "I'll be good, but please tell me something! Where did you come from, where did you appear from, why did you do it, in heaven there is happiness and cherubs and angels?" And then the raven said: "Nevermore".

"Sunny!" said I, "Death was...immediate? Death is not so bad? Death made you happy? What's after death? Were you happy when you died?" and then the raven said words that devastated me: "Nevermore".

"Sunny" said I, plunged into the deepest despair, looking for some other question, something else that could answer me, when defeated, and knowing what I would probably answer again... "Will we ever be happy again? Will there be no more deaths? Is Aubrey going to live? Will Hero live? Will I live? Will we ever get over you leaving? ...Are you happy?" And then the raven answered, with what seemed more forcefulness, more mercilessness, but at the same time, analyzing his face, he looked sad, he looked resigned, he looked defeated, while he said his phrase: "Nevermore".

I fell resignedly to the floor, as my eyes, briefly glittering, plunged back into the deepest darkness, watching my shadow cast by the orange light of my room, mingled by the shadow of the raven, and the shadow of my beloved trapped in the bird, seemed to pierce my heart. And from the blended shadows, I looked deep into the darkness of that compound shadow, injecting my eyes into the darkness, until I seemed to see a hole in the center of reality, in the center of my soul, and any hope I had was swallowed up by that hole, as I said to myself, Aubrey will die. Hero will die. You will die. You will all die. And the light was in my soul, nevermore.

And the raven with the spirit of my beloved, who never flutters, still sits in the frame of the old photograph, looking at me every night until the end of my days, without eating, without drinking water, impassive, unbeatable. And his eyes look like those of an angel dreaming, and the light of the lamp above him casts his shadow on the floor, with my soul trapped in that shadow, while I understand. They will all die. I loved him so much. Oh, I loved him so much.

And my life will be held in the shadows.

And my body will be swallowed by the underworld.

And my soul swallowed by that shadow of that raven with the soul of my beloved, will be raised.... nevermore!

Adaptation of The Raven, by Edgar Allan Poe

Original art by @madnopost in Twitter and Instagram, as well as Your Time AU, in which this story is based. written by me

#omori #omori aus #omori sunkel #omori kel #omori sunny #omori suntan #omori caprisun #omori bad ending #omori fanfic #omori writing #omori angst

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rays-of-fire-and-ice · 4 months

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Hello there! 🎁 and 🤔 for the fanfic writer game. Also, congratulations on your last fic! It was a sweet sappiness one.

Fanfic Writer Ask Game

Thank you anon!

🤔 Would you ever want to write something canon if you got the opportunity?

That'd be too scary! XD I would constantly worry about writign characters in-character and wanting to make sure everythign si tied up by the end.

🎁 Have a piece of a WIP you want to share?

This comes from a fic I've been working on on-and-off.

Recently I have thought to leave for a while/take a break from, as I've come to feel it contains themes I'm not really qualified to tackle (in this case, how those who are in helping positions deal with feelings of failure towards those they're supposed to help), or maybe I'm just overthinking it. Even so, I'd like to share a part of it with you all and see what you think:

“Our house is gone.” The woman’s voice cracked, the flatness edging closer to something raw.

Momo can’t look away as Tomohito’s mother finally raises her head to her. Stands of dirt caked hair fall from what’s left of her bun, landing on her torn yukata. Her lips are part and quiver with a repressed sob. Momo’s clamors to say something, anything to reassure this woman. “I--”

“It’s all gone.” Her sorrow simmers to an anger that makes Momo’s gut churn and the blood drain from her face. The woman’s eyes are ablaze as they leak tears, and her lips are drawn into an ugly grimace. “How could you let this happen?”

“I—”

“Why did this happen? Seiko-san warned the officers about these monsters days ago, but you ignored her, and now she’s dying!”

By now, heads were turning in the direction of Momo and Tomohito’s mother. This didn’t deter her in the slightest as she continued. “You have the power to protect all us! Why didn’t you come sooner? Why did Tomohito have to be like this? Why did any of us have to be like this? We’re not a lower district, we should’ve been protected!”

Momo’s eyes burn with the threat of tears and her throat constricts. The world spins around her, tumbling all the thoughts rushing through her mind. The kido beneath her hands stutters, almost completely vanishing at one point. She bows her head. “I-I’m sorry, I really am. We tried to --”

The woman cuts her off with sound between a scoff and a choked-up gasp. “That’s all you have? An apology?! Our homes are gone, but you get to go back to behind the walls and sleep well tonight, don’t you?” She raises her son’s hand, her grip so tight she may leave bruises on his knuckles. “You’re supposed to save all of us! Why didn’t you?!”

“Oi.”

They both startle at the interjection. Momo blinks, trying to regain her senses, barely able to let out breaths from her parted lips. She didn’t know whether to be relieved or worried that Toshiro had come over to them.

What little color is in the mother’s face drains at seeing a captain standing before her. Her lips remain open as if to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Is there a problem here?” Toshiro asks.

Momo finds her voice. “E-Everything’s fine, Captain.”

Her childhood friend ignores her, staring at the mother. Momo’s surprised by the severity in his glare, looking as though a blizzard raged through them. He's as imposing as some Soul make Shinigami out to be, beings that stood above them and were a force to be reckoned with.

“I-I didn’t mean to cause o-offense,” the woman stammers out.

Toshiro maintains his gaze for a moment longer before sliding it to Momo. She could almost crumble at their eyes finally meeting, but not from the anger behind his. He looks her over, from her head to her quivering hands, and his fleeting concern sends a pang through her chest.

After a beat, he sighs through his nose and softens his gaze as he turns back to the mother. While not glaring anymore, he remains stoic. “I’m certain you didn’t.” He bows. “I'm sorry we did not arrive sooner. Our Fourth Division are excellent healers, they will be able to restore your son and all those injured today back to full health. I have also made an urgent request to have a team sent here to help assist with the repairs"

Other Shinigami look on in surprise. It's not often a captain acts as Toshiro had, admitting fault and apologising to the Souls.

The mother can only mutely bow her head in response. Toshiro straightens, gives Momo a subtle nod, then returns to the group of Shinigami he'd been with.

Both Momo and the mother are unable able to look away, dumbfounded. Watching Toshiro's back, an unease remains in Momo. She wants to think it's his words that had ceased this confrontation, but it wasn't, and he's likely aware of that fact too.

Thanks for sending these in! :D

#hitsuhina #fanfiction #asks

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clearcloudlesssky · 7 months

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BONJOUR (i really need to stop opening all my asks with this line there is not a singular french bone in my body)

you seem like a cool and intellectual person (everything i aspire to be fr)! and you speak mandarin like me (事实说，我的华文很糟糕...��的母语怎么说到那么差哎呀呀)! and you're friends with all my friends (i'm like a human detector device i see new person on my friends' blogs i stalk their page and follow them ehehehhj)

like we have to be besties at this point/j

my question: gush over your favourite book?? like GUSH IDC IF I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT I WILL LISTEN TO EVERY DETAIL

NEE HOW 没关系---其实我的中文也很糟糕 (ಥ﹏ಥ))

thank you so much for the ask!! i'm VERY new to interacting on tumblr so this is like really really really cool to me lmao

also PLEASE i am not a intellectual or a cool person do not aspire to be like me you don't know what i did last year under the blood red full moon of october 27th at 3:27pm

ok the gushing part I'LL TRY TO STICK TO BOOKS/MEDIA NO PROMISES THOUGH

generally speaking my favorite books are the ones i'm reading/have just read, so right now they'd prob be perfume as you who have stalked my blog may be able to tell and probably coriolanus which i am rereading rn @bassguitarinablackt-shirt i told you about coriolanus last year sobs

i was forced to read perfume by a friend of mine -- she's a sucker for these totally reprehensible, incorrigible characters, and she'd been ranting abt perfume for aaaages. and it sounded kinda perverse but at the same time really interesting so i read it and it was actually really good...

ok and just in case this monstrosity below convinces anyone to read perfume, there's a few warnings in hand

perfume is a decently dark book, there's like 26 total murders, and the ending is...interesting. the author has a talent for creating unique, immersive descriptions but like maybe 20-30% of the time these descriptions lean towards eroticism so if you don't like that pls be warned?

if you've ever seen food wars think that but with really really good smells

ok now to start

i think that perfume is really cool because it's one of those where there's exactly one, very very clear theme - others may crop up but this feels super central, and that theme would probably be human greed, and the tendencies of humans to destroy that which they most love. it dives into total obsession and the idea of wanting to possess something so much, so badly that you destroy it in that greed, and the poster boy for this idea is the main character of the book, jean-baptiste grenouille, who murders those with scents he desperately wants to possess

the entire book is very unique in that it focuses itself around one sense - smell, and this creates a lot of really cool descriptions and a pov that you've probably never thought of before.

the mc himself is also a really interesting character - he's totally dominated by this sense, he's like a dog but ten times more sensitive to smell. he doesn't care about other human beings at all, he doesn't care about physical pain, or visually beautiful things, he only cares about the smells around him. he has a urge to possess all of them, to learn how to create them and collect them. i've spoken about his inhumanness and other stuff before so i won't go into that (this is long sobs i haven't even spoken abt coriolanus)

ok what's below is a weirder interpretation..

one of the ideas that popped out to me when i was reading is that the author uses individual scents as an analogy for a soul. everything in grenonuille's world has a scent. it is what defines them. it is what makes them them in his worldview, and for him to lack a scent means that he lacks a soul, and this only further emphasizes his inhumanity. he's terrified when he realizes this, and his lack of a smell is what actually pushes other humans away from him

by attempting to create a sort of "ultimate perfume" for himself, he seeks to give himself a soul, a sense of being, but he's left full of hatred and fear once he realizes that people don't care for him, the soulless, scentless grenouille, but the scent he created. they aren't attracted to him as a person, they're attracted to his ultimate perfume, and their sheer olfactory gullibility disgusts him. i can elaborate but that means spoiling the rest of the book and i don't wanna do that TwT

this leaves no room for coriolanus but let it be said this is a goofy ass book (i love it but still) generally shakespeare is a bit dry? for me and i don't take a lot of enjoyment out of it but i had fun reading coriolanus

the main idea of coriolanus is a general, a military hero who enters the cutthroat world of roman politics, and is absolutely destroyed. his bluntness, refusal to compromise, and above all pride makes him psychologically ill-suited to become a politician, generally i feel that a lot of traits that made him an excellent general turn on him once he becomes a consul (think president).

he has an absolutely wack relationship with his mom, who i feel is like the roman equivalent of that one parent who's basically living through their child. from the start to the end, she's the one pulling his strings. she's the one who pushed him to military success, she's the primary one who pushed him to become consul, and it's her who's able to convince him to spare Rome when he finally leaves to seek revenge. and when she returns to rome? it's her who gets the glory, it's her who's hailed as rome's savior, while coriolanus himself is brutally murdered at the end of the book.

to me, she comes across as someone who's hyper-ambitious, and perhaps as a woman in ancient rome, she wasn't able to move anywhere with those ambitions, so she pushed them onto her son instead. she speaks of blood and swords and death, and is prideful that her son was sent into battle at a young age.

honestly their relationship is one of my favorites from this play, and the only scene that i enjoy more than the death scene is uh coriolanus's arch nemesis speaking about him..

"Twelve several times, and I have nightly since Dreamt of encounters 'twixt thyself and me; We have been down together in my sleep, Unbuckling helms, fisting each other's throat; And waked half dead with nothing"

And there's also this

"Than thee, all noble Marcius. Let me twine Mine arms about that body, where against My grained ash an hundred times hath broke, And scarr'd the moon with splinters: here I clip The anvil of my sword, and do contest As hotly and as nobly with thy love As ever in ambitious strength I did Contend against thy valour. Know thou first, I loved the maid I married; never man Sigh'd truer breath; but that I see thee here, Thou noble thing! more dances my rapt heart"

yep additional note coriolanus's full name is gaius marcius coriolanus

they're a little bit silly aufidius totally isn't the one assassinating him at the end nope

SORRTY THIS WAS REALLY LONG

#coriolanus #perfume #answering asks #perfume: the story of a murderer #i rambled too long geesh #grenouille the tick

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adhd-attention-deficit-dumbass · 1 year

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Hi! Hello! I’m so sorry if I’m bothering you. I see a lot of adhd symptom lists and things, but I was wondering if you knew any symptoms that a person would HAVE to have in order to qualify for an adhd diagnosis? Saying the question that way kind of makes it sound like I’m trying to lie to get a diagnosis, I’m not I promise. I’m just in line to get an Adhd evaluation, but if there’s a way I can determine for certain if I don’t have it (Emphasis on “don’t”, I’m not looking for a confirmation that I have it. I’m trying to find any disqualifiers so I can determine if I should even bother going to the evaluation.) without doing the evaluation that‘d be really helpful! I know not wanting to do an adhd evaluation sounds super dumb, but the thing is my doctors already hate me for getting an evaluation in the first place and if the person evaluating me is like “No, you obviously don’t have adhd” I’ll literally never hear the end of it! I cannot emphasize enough how much my doctors hate hate HATE that I’m getting an adhd evaluation, they tried everything they could stop me without actually evaluating me, to insulting me to lying to me about “not being able to be diagnosed with adhd after a person turns 7???”

I’m so sorry this ask is so long.

(Apologies for answering this like a year later I hope You’re doing ok)

You’re not a bother at all, the asks are open for a reason❤️ Thank you for your question.

The thing about ADHD is that it’s a diagnosis determined by a bunch of observations made and many doctors (including mine) are more and more leaning towards an understanding of ADHD as more of a spectrum disorder much like Autism.

That said, I know how nerve-wracking it is pre/during evaluation and I just want you to know that whether or not you have ADHD does not invalidate your experiences and struggles. Of course since I know how annoying it is to ask something and recieve an answer that doesn’t adress your question here’s my two cents. (am I using that correctly? Native speakers let me know)

Symtoms of ADHD can often seem relatable because they are. Everyone struggles with these things sometimes because we all have brains. This makes a diagnosis complex.

The thing about ADHD is that these things happen so frequently and in such a severe way that they disrupt our everyday life.

I am chronically depressed, exhausted and riddled with anxiety, in part because ADHD causes a lot of stress in my life

Assignments are always late. I am always late even when I try my damned hardest not to be. I struggle with routines because I have memory issues.

Eating, brushing my teeth and showering regularily doesn’t feel like routine even if I do it daily. It always feels new and requires a lot of effort.

My emotions are all over the place, to the point where my partner doesn’t know what to expect and it causes him anxiety and stress when I fail to regulate them

I ”blow up” easily over little things and I can cry for hours. And I mean hours, full on ugly crying, sobbing, shaking for hours without even feeling ”done”

More scientificly; tests show that although I have an above average intelligence (or whatever you wanna call it) I underperform severly in areas involving numbers and remembering patters which indicate I have a a deficient working memory

I also have several comorbidites which are common with ADHD such as a connective tissue disorder known as Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder, (HSD) as well as chronic insomnia, extreme fatigue and as mentioned depression and anxiety. These are not required for a diagnosis but makes it more plausible.

I hope this was helpful in some way, I wish you good luck with your evaluation and general life. Remember your struggles are valid with or without a diagnosis.

❤️Peace out ✌🏻

#adhd blog #adhd #adhdblr #adhd post #adhd asks #answered asks #answering anons #sorry i’m really bad at answering asks #sorry for taking so long

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habizuh-studios · 24 days

Text

I've Held My Heart Close All These Years

Since the day he woke up here and again, and again, and again, he has never felt happiness. Until there is a light, and he's set free. A word rings in his head: Ascension. Out of the coffin after ninety-six years, however, can change a lot. Especially if there were countless people to see it.

OR: Xie Lian ascends from the coffin and chaos ensues :) ---- Chapter 4- Burdened:

(A heavy load, whether emotionally or physically, that is forced to be carried by a person.)

AO3 LINK (Next Chapter)

He Xuan walks away from the palace with an unfeeling gaze. He doesn’t even look back.

This will be interesting, that’s for sure.

____

Before Lang Qianqiu could react, The Earth Master had walked away.

All he saw was red.

He isn’t sure how long he stayed there, staring.

Overcome with emotion, he bursts open the door to the palace, probably startling several heavenly officials from the middle court. He doesn’t care.

His head is swimming in emotions, but he can’t comprehend a single thought. His mind is both too empty and too full; his only goal is to get to Guoshi.

Only when he slightly trips on the elegant floor does he think properly. What will I do when I actually find him?The most obvious choice would be to confront him. Demand for answers.

Part of him wants to cry like a small child again, to sob on the floor pathetically and beg for his parents back, like that will do anything. He wishes it would.

…

He realizes he’s still running and stops.

Other facts drift into his mind. Bloodied mess. Corpse. Murderer. Buried. Alive.…

His eyes are shadowed with grief and resignation as he looks up from his radical sprint. Maybe, instead of going with the flow, he should think this through. But he’s not very good at that, is he? He’s always been the type to dive headfirst into things, uncaring of the consequences until after the fact. It’s only worked for him well so far because he was a God. He had tricks up his sleeve and allies and people that he could trust to fix things.

An Le was one. His Guoshi was one.

Xiao Mengyou is one.

…

His gaze is blurry from something; whether it be from raw emotions or the expression of such is unclear. He can think later, he might vent later.

He looks to his right, shifting his weight to look at the door properly.

It’s an unassuming door. Doesn’t look out of place at all, in General Xuan Zhen’s palace. Just another room- it could be anything, really.

It could be a dining room, a ballroom, a study room, or an office.

But that doesn’t matter to Lang Qianqiu right now.

He slams the door open without a second thought.

Inside, he sees him.

He looks… different. But it’s all the same, in the end.

He could never forget the mask that ended countless lives on his seventeenth birthday.

…

Murderer.Corpse.…

Guoshi…He… he doesn’t know what to do.

Still, it’s not even a split second until after he opens the door that he runs towards Guoshi. He’s still not sure what he would have done.

Maybe he would’ve grabbed him by the neck and ended his Godhood then and there. Maybe he would have yelled at him and cried. Only Heaven knows if there was the slightest chance would have wrapped his arms around him for comfort.

Nothing and everything goes through Lang Qianqiu’s head as he runs towards the infamous man-

Zwip!He stumbles backwards, the adrenaline rushing through his head suddenly clearing the slightest bit as he processes just what happened. He clears his eyes and shakes his head of… well, everything.

He drops to his knees and looks up.

The Guoshi stares back down at him differently. Before, his eyes were sharp. Some would say cold, but Lang Qianqiu didn’t think Guoshi was heartless, back then. His gaze was piercing, though, the elegant silver mask adding to his mysterious gaze. Now, although some of it is still hidden by the mask, they’re… softer, now. Yet more feral, more guarded. Nothing like he’s ever expected of his teacher, or of a heartless murderer. It’s indescribable.

There’s a ribbon around him, guarding him. Lang Qianqiu can feel how evil energy rolls off of it in waves. The elegant ribbon reeks of evil energy; a demonic spirit, at worst. It might be a spiritual weapon, but Guoshi didn’t ever show Lang Qianqiu, if he ever had one. He feels more emotions gripping his heart, squeezing them until every last drop of sense in him dissipates. The ribbon, despite its aura, is shiny and white, looking to be of expensive material. Lang Qianqiu has probably seen it somewhere.

The ribbon smacked him away from his pursuit on purpose because it thought he was a threat. Lang Qianqiu can gather that much.

He hears a noise from above him and quickly wipes his eyes of tears he didn’t know he had. He stares at the mask that haunts his nightmares; the same one that he used to aspire to be, the same one he wanted to have, the same one that made and ruined his life. The eyes underneath can barely be seen, but Lang Qianqiu can tell that they’re still wide. Wide and staring at him.

Does Guoshi recognize him? Will he speak, tell him everything is fine, even though it isn’t ?

Will he want to kill him, too?

…

He cannot bear the silence any longer. His thoughts are too loud, too silent.

…

He swallows and looks up.

“Guoshi,” he basically snarls. His pride has already fallen low, in this room. There’s no point in keeping up appearances. Although it wouldn’t do any good to destroy General Xuan Zhen’s palace in madness. His hot, anger-flooded gaze meets the eyes of someone confused. He is the same.

He doesn’t know what comes over him, and yet, he asks. Or maybe it’s more of a demand.

“Take off your mask.”____

The thought of who this other person is pangs through his heart. His memories, which have laid dormant for his peace of mind, come flooding back at the expense of his joy.

Lang Qianqiu, his mind supplies. Prince of Yong’An. He truly is proud of him. But his request…

Though it tightens his chest and makes it a little hard to breathe, he can feel the mask loosening on his face. One of the hands he had covering his throat lift up to feel the mask, and as he turns his head forward to be more comfortable, the mask slips off. Comfortably, without any effort on his part. Almost like a curse he lifted.

He hasn’t been able to take the mask off for a hundred years. Now, he can feel wind on his face, near his eyes. He feels… free.

This is the least he can do for Lang Qianqiu, is what he should tell himself. He should tell himself that the feather-lightness in him is because he did something right for him, for once. Yet he can’t help but feel so grateful for what Lang Qianqiu has done for him.

Truly, he is selfish.

He can see a little better now. The silver that had lined his peripheral vision for the longest time is finally off, revealing corners he didn’t even notice. His eyes feel… fresh? New? He doesn’t know the word for it.

Lang Qianqiu, who is now looking at him, has no signs of recognition on his face. He seems… disturbed, maybe. Those amber eyes who had looked at him with hatred, as he should, feel different. He can’t quite place his finger on it.

He draws his knees closer to his chest subconsciously for comfort. He feels like a small, worthless glob of flesh that has felt the outside world after being locked away for one hundred years.

Well, he supposes, it’s at least partially true.

Especially with the way Lang Qianqiu is looking at him. ____

Now, He Xuan knows he probably just started some very unnecessary drama within the upper court. But he knew that it was going to happen eventually, even if he wasn’t the one to tell Lang Qianqiu that the new God might have been the Guoshi of Yong’An. He really was trying to get it all over with, and he’s sure anyone who has ever heard of him would attest to that.

So he doesn’t feel bad when he descends back to Nether Manor. It would take a lot more than starting up some hundred year old drama to make him feel bad. Though he can empathize with Lang Qianqiu, he probably could keep a level head for everything to be… less of a mess.

“He Xuan.”

The man in question would have started if he were beneath himself. Still, he scowls and holds his ground.

“Crimson Sought Rain Flower,” he says, sarcasm and annoyance in his tone. “What do you want?”That shitty, lovesick bastard has the audacity to chuckle through the connection. Insufferable. He Xuan does not roll his eyes, if only so he isn’t associated with the martial God of the Southwest.

… Maybe He Xuan does need more food. Where is Shi Qingxuan, anyway?

“How are things going on up in Heaven? With Lang Qianqiu?” Hua Cheng asks with more genuine interest in his tone than he has ever given He Xuan when they do this.

He Xuan thinks back to every little detail about that meeting. Lang Qianqiu’s connection to it all, with some poorly hidden past.

A ribbon and a mask.“I told him my suspicions, if that’s what you’re asking.” He responds with the tone of voice of someone who has done this multiple times before.

…

“Though, I did notice something…”“Oh, do tell.”

#I've Held My Heart Close All These Years #tgcf #xie lian #heaven officials blessing #he xuan #hua cheng #lang qianqiu #hurt/comfort #angst #lang qianqiu is going through it #go to AO3 for full tags #writing #fic #fanfic

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lightsburnbrite · 1 year

Text

The Inevitable End: Part 13/Final

Leon was getting ready to leave the training center when he felt his phone alert in his pocket. For the last week, he kept his phone on him at all times, even handing it to the coach during sessions. Lilli was past her due date and while all Leon really wanted to do was to wait by her side he knew that wasn't feasible and it would drive her crazy. He nearly dropped it as he pulled it out, catching it with his right hand just as it tumbled out of his left.

The screen lit up to reveal a message from an unknown number:

please come home as soon as you can

Naturally, Leon's mind went to Lilli and started jumping to all sorts of conclusions about what she might need. Pushing the ignition button, he silently lamented that when Lilli moved, she moved further away from Säbener Straße and it would now take him at lease 20 minutes to get home. Once he pulled into the garage and parked, he opted to take the steps, two at a time, to their apartment.

Leon all but threw the front door open "Lil? Babe? What's wrong?"

He froze when Marissa walked out to meet him.

"I'll explain later," Marissa held her hand up so she could finish speaking. "Her water broke."

Leon's eyes went wide. "What? Where is she?"

Marissa almost rolled her eyes. "She's packing a bag for the hospital."

"Babe," Leon called out as he walked back towards their bedroom. "You have a bag packed already! They said to go in as soon as your water broke."

Marissa followed Leon. "Lilli, just take your bag and go. Once you get checked out, if you need anything I'll bring it to you."

It only took Leon a second to realize that both he and Marissa recognized this as a stall tactic on her part because Lilli's anxiety was kicking in to full gear. They both ushered her to the car, Leon opening the door for her while Marissa placed her bag on the back seat.

"Wait," Lilli stopped Leon from closing the door. "Marissa, I want you there too."

Immediately, Marissa nodded. "Of course, babe. I follow you guys there."

While Lilli was guided to a wheelchair and taken back to the delivery room, Leon was given a clipboard with some simple paperwork to fill out. When he was taken back, Lilli had already changed into a hospital gown and was in the process of having several monitors hooked up to her.

"What's all this for?" Leon spoke to the woman who had introduced herself as Nikola, Lilli's labor and delivery nurse, as a plastic tube was being placed around Lilli's face.

"Standard procedure, mostly." The nurse addressed Leon while she continued to get Lilli set up. "Fetal heart rate monitor, IV for fluids. We'll get her all set with a catheter once she's been given the epidural and this is a nasal cannula which will give her a mix of oxygen and nitrous oxide for her anxiety."

Everyone attending to Lilli was pleasant and seemed like they knew what they were doing but that didn't stop Leon from feeling helpless. As soon as there was space, he moved next to her and held her hand. He had been focusing all his attention on Lilli, speaking quiet words of encouragement to her, so he didn't even realize how far along she was until the midwife was asking him if he wanted to watch.

Leon initially hesitated, feeling somewhat squeamish, but Marissa took over his spot next to Lilli and nudged him forward, insisting he'd regret it if he didn't.

"Lilli? Lilli, I want you to listen to me." Through closed eyes, Lilli felt Marissa squeeze her hand as Nikola spoke. "You're both doing great. Everything went according to plan and all of your vitals are strong. Congratulations, Mama, you did it!"

With her eyes still closed, Liili felt Leon's lips on her forehead. "I'm so proud of you, baby. I'm going to move your bed up, they're bringing him over so you can hold him."

Suddenly, Lilli found herself sobbing as she held her son against her chest. There was the relief that he was safe and seemingly healthy, her own sense of relief that she had made it, the absolute joy of finally getting to meet the little person that had been growing inside of her for the last nine months, and the sheer terror that she and Leon were now responsible for keeping this seemingly fragile being alive.

Once she had settled, the midwife talked Lilli through how to initiate feeding. Apparently their son latched on like a champ, Lilli didn't hear much else because the past two hours caught up with her and the fatigue hit like a wall.

"Ok." Nikola smiled. "You both did great. We're going to take him to get cleaned up and check some vitals but we'll bring him right back. Why don't you take this opportunity to get some sleep."

Leon expected to be able to talk with Lilli for at least a little bit but it was as though Lilli took the midwife's suggestion to heart and she was out within a few minutes. Laughing to himself, Leon brushed a few hairs out of her face and kissed her forehead before he sat back down in his chair. Looking over to Marissa, he smiled politely. "I'm a little surprised to see you again."

"Yeah," Marissa gave a little nod. "We've been in touch for about a month. I've been doing a lot of soul searching, and therapy, and I realized I harbored some jealousy. We've always had this weird dynamic where I've always been more," Marissa paused to make air quotes with her fingers, "successful with relationships. So here I am, a guy I liked just broke up with me, and then there's Lilli just so completely happy. I had to stop and ask myself why my first reaction was to be jealous of my best friend instead of being happy for her."

Leon just nodded.

Marissa smiled and shrugged. "It wasn't until she wasn't there for me to share a joke with or just to talk to…I realized what a huge part of my life she was and I wanted her back."

When Leon laughed, she gave a frown, prompting him to explain.

"We went to something at her father's house and eventually her brother pulled me aside and said something along the lines of if we stayed together, I'd cost her her title, the only thing she has left of her mother and if I really loved her, I'd let her go." Leon grimaced thinking about it. "So, stupid me, I listened to him and broke up with her around the same time that you did only to have the same revelation."

Marissa's eyes widened.

"Right." He rubbed the bridge of his nose. "So she had a pretty shit few months. We had this weird back and forth where we obviously wanted to get back together but we were both too wary and stubborn to fully go for it. We had a drunken hookup after Serge's birthday party, which is probably the best thing that has ever happened because that's how Koen came about, and that was the shove that we both needed to fully commit to each other."

He was silent for a moment before clearing his throat. "I'm glad you two are on good terms again. You're the closest thing she has to family here."

"That's a really neat name, by the way." Marissa glanced over at Lilli before looking back to Leon. "I don't think I've heard it before."

As soon as his son was mentioned, Leon beamed. "It's apparently the diminutive version of Konrad, which is my father's name. Lil thought Alexander went nicely with it."

"Ok!" Nikola came bustling back through the door with a nurse following behind her. She was pushing a plastic bassinet on wheels while the nurse carried a small, empty wash basin. "He's all cleaned up and I brought some things to give Mama a sponge bath once she's awake. Would the proud father like to hold him now?"

The midwife showed Leon how to hold his newborn son so that his head and neck were properly supported. "Now, just like with Mama, skin to skin contact with fathers helps you both bond."

It took a split second but Leon got the hint to remove his shirt and soon he was holding Koen for the first time.

It took Lilli a good six months to really settle in to being a mother. Leon watched her second guess herself on everything from if she was holding him too much or too little, if she was swaddling him the right way to if he was meeting the appropriate milestones. Leon understood why she did this but he wished there was a way that he could help her see the caring and dedicated mother that he saw. Once Koen started regularly sleeping through the night, Leon noticed Lilli really embracing her new role in life.

Leon woke up and immediately realized he had slept later than usual. The team was given the day off and Lilli must have turned the alarm off when she got up with Koen. He sat up and stretched his arms above his head with a yawn before he stood and went in search of a pair of pajama pants and a t shirt he could throw on.

"Ow."

Once Leon heard Lilli's voice, he went in search of her.

"Ow!" Lilli spoke through laughter. "Sir, you have got to stop doing that."

Walking into the living room, Leon found Lilli sitting in the wingback chair nursing Koen in a beam of the morning sunlight. Whenever he watched, Leon always had such mixed emotions. On one hand, he was so proud of Lilli and it made his heart swell to see her being so maternal. On the other hand, even though he knew it was irrational, he was a bit jealous that Koen had access to her breasts while his had been limited. When Lilli's eyes met Leon's, she smiled.

"He's teething." She slightly rolled her eyes. "So I get a nice little bite every now and then."

Leaning in, Leon kissed Lilli before placing a hand on Koen's head. "Listen, little man, you be good to your Mama. Ok?"

Lilli leaned her head back and closed her eyes, sighing as she waited for Koen to finish.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" Leon rested the back of his hand on her cheek. "Can I make you something?"

Looking back up at him, she smiled. "Something with eggs?"

"Anything you want." Leon continued to smile at her, stroking her hair.

"What?" Lilli laughed now. "What's got you all smiley?"

With a shrug, Leon let his hand fall to his side. "I guess it's just me being thankful you decided to tell me you were pregnant. I mean, we were broken up, you could have just disappeared and I wouldn't have known."

Lilli shook her head but Leon continued.

"I knew I loved you, I knew I was in love with you but-" He gently stroked Koen's head. "I love being your partner, I love being a father…I didn't know how much I needed this in my life."

Leon frowned when Lilli pulled a face.

When Lilli winced, Leon's eyes widened, thinking he had said the wrong thing. "Sorry, he just bit my boob."

Covering his face with his hand, Leon laughed. "That's my boy."

"Ok, but seriously," Lilli looked back up at Leon and made certain to hold his gaze. "Love of my life, father of my baby, when are you going to ask me to marry you?"

Leon smiled as he kissed the back of her hand. "Fair question. How about I handle breakfast first?"

Once Koen had finished, Lilli got him settled for his morning nap before returning to the kitchen. Leon's back was to her as he worked at the range.

"What's this?" Lilli noticed a little red leather box with gold foil accents sitting on the kitchen island that wasn't there before.

Leon acted like he didn't hear her at first and instead waited for Lilli's curiosity to get the best of her. He waited for the slight pop that indicated the box had been opened before he turned around.

Pressing her lips together, Lilli attempted to conceal her smile. "How long have you had this?"

"Oh," Leon shrugged. "About six months."

Lilli beamed now as he slipped the rose gold band on her ring finger. She held her hand out to admire it, the morning sunlight catching the white pave diamonds that went down the sides of the band. What really kept her attention was the pink, pear shaped diamond in the middle. "It's pink!"

"It took me a little while to find the perfect ring for you." He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and rested his hand on the back of her neck before leaning in to give her a kiss. "I didn't know what I was looking for but I knew I'd know it when I saw it. Then I wanted to give us time to settle in with Koen, just so we could focus on him."

Lilli continued to gaze back at him, her eyes threatening to tear up at any moment.

"I love you, Lil. I love our perfect little family." Leon leaned in and kissed her again. "And I can't wait to call you my wife."

#leon goretzka #football fanfic #football imagine #football fluff #the inevitable end

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