#I think I've caught a depressive episode

[pterodach]

autumn doodles

#art #doodle #doodles #clip studio art #pteroart #new season hello #autumn crises #I think I've caught a depressive episode #I don't even want to play blasphemous 2 #this shit kills me

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting my friends to visit?

(English isn't my first language and this might be too long)

I (26 X) live in a different city from a bunch of friends who constantly travel here due to concerts and other massive events (think at least twice per year). I've always tried being welcoming in the past bc I too used to live in a much smaller city and wished I could attend concerts on a more regular basis, plus I've been friends with people in this group for more than 10 years, so I tend to be comfortable around them in almost any situation.

One friend (26M) from such group has recently moved in with me, and we've been roomates for almost half a year now, however I noticed the number of request to coming over and staying has exponentially increased since he moved in last year (think at least one person every two months and the number of days increasing to up to one week when previously they used to stay not more than four).

Normally, this wouldn't bother me considering that they are all common friends, but recenetly I've been going through a particular depressive episode where all I want to do is not being bothered by anyone in my own house (my roomate being the exception since I'm used to him being there) and I've been having trouble getting along with the more often visits. While adding the fact that since my friemd moved in, everyone just sort of stoped directly asking me if it was okay to stay and just asking the roomate instead and making him tell me.

I've expressed my fatigue to my roomate, along my dislike of not being considered as an essential part of the plan when other friends prepare their stay, I've been certainly feel used by them while also being aware that my depression fuels any negative feeling that crosses my way, but he and the others have reasurred me that it's just easier to bother him with such details since they know I'm not doing so well. I've agreed with their plans nonetheless thinking I could get better or just ignore them, but there's this big concert next month where a bunch of people are coming to stay for over a week and I'm just feeling overwheled thinking about it.

There is one particular case that troubles me the most as a guest, bc since other friends might just be a little draining, she (24F) and I used to be in some sort of "situationship" about a year ago that never really went anywhere and while we put some distance we did end up in relatively good terms. I've been told multiple times that I can't throw away this long friendship just because I caught feelings at some point and while I can act normal around her in public, there's just this terrible dreadful feeling of imagining her being back in my house as though nothing has happened.

The three of us (her, my roomate and I) used to be the closest from the group of friends and as such I've allowed him to invite her over (mind you, a completly diferent city) while I've been away, but can't stand the idea of her being there at the same time as me. My roomate has told both of us we ought to patch things down (so everything can be as before) but every instance we've tried to talk I've just been convinced I want her less and less inside my house.

This should be pretty obvious for me, but I've gotten to a point of avoiding my own house for weeks bc depression keeps telling me no one wants me there and I'm the problematic one while not wanting to upset my roomate (it is also his house afterall) or the other friends who keep making plans to visit, with my irritable mood and also being reminded that THEY have no problem with me and its okay if I need to take my space.

AITA if I'm considering completly shuting down all visits for a what's left of the year despite people having made plans since last year and (inderctly) telling me said plans with anticipation? I just don't know what else to do but changing most of these people plans when I'm feeling bad all the time around other people and not being able to properly express that in a way where everyone don't just think I'm a resentful toxic ex and that my problem is just with one person.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[dmercer91]

ebug's sister, dm91

ok, first post where blake is blake!! also, excuse the absolute dumpster fire that is my life, and is the reason that this post is one post and not like 47

last season! (2022-23) part one / part two / part three / part four / part five / part six / part seven / part eight / part nine / part ten / part eleven / part twelve

(2023-24)! part one /

blakefriarr_

liked by dawson1417, adamfantilli and 6,947 others

blakefriarr_: so many things have happened since i last popped up on all your timelines and made them immeasurably better!

this is episode one of season two of i-am-both-the sister-of-the-devils-home-emergency-backup-goaltender-and-also-happen-to-be dating-dawson-mercer-forward-for-the-devils series!

these pictures are in no particular order, because, i am moving into a new place with afore mentioned dawson mercer and have spent the last several weeks making it look like it's not the most depressing back alley murderous apartment any of you have ever laid your eyes on

and apparently, i have a ball ton of stuff!

regardless, here's what i've caught up on;

the entire nhl draft! though i have not acquired any new adoptees, it did come to my attention that the anaheim ducks as an organization did personally victimize me during the 2023 entry draft (they also took a BALLSY amount of time to re-sign bitch one and bitch two. what the literal fuck, dudes). also- if you are seeing this and you need help to flee, blink twice (not you adam) (you know who you are)

2, the entire preseason was also missed while i was one, curing myself from jetlag and the absolute dread of going back to uni and two, moving my egregious amount of shit with a spiteful level of independence. the devils won every preseason game! dawson scored that clusterfuck of a goal on slide two and we also got to see goalie bonks again! (i told you those pics weren't in order and i meant it)

three, (or four, i forgot what came first) quinneth played his first regular season game as captain of the canucks ad they kicked ass against the edmonton dudes. goncrats captain ;p

four (probably) rookie had both his first reg season nhl game AND his birth on the same day! he cried on camera for thousands of viewers and made me question kidnapping his brother and locking him in an abandoned building in ohio (who am i kidding i don't want to be in ohio). the blue jackets have since been doing blue jacket things (losing)

five (it's all blended together these days) the devs started their regular season and now i get to go to the arena and watch in peace as nico makes dumb faces, jack gets into petty scrums and goes to the box (apparently? that ones new.) and dawson does dawson things (be hot)

sixth and finally, assistant coach and captain quinn (he should probably drop a title for his mental health, me thinks) turned 24! i giggled profusely at an edit of him as tracksuit rob. good job on aging, kid 🎉

that's all, i think. (probably not, what do i know)

view 712 comments..

jj.friar31: remember when we were roomies??? siblings defying the odds?? i've been left out to dry. i'm MARINATING in my loneliness. you've basically shot me and left me out for dead, blakey.

→ blakefriarr_: this is a touch dramatic, that's MY thing

→ jj.friar31: if i agree to never steal your dramatics again will you come back

→ blakefriarr_: have u seen how pretty my boyfriend is?? no dude

→ jj.friar31: blake pls

adamfantilli: of every picture you could've used you just decided to screenshot me crying

→ blakefriarr_: hi im blake have we met??

→ adamfantilli: also, do not kidnap luca.

→ blakefriarr_: oh so you just don't want my love?? is that what this is??

→ luca.fantilli: do not kidnap me

→ blakefriarr_: BOOORRRINNNGGGGG

nicohischier: every day i wonder what it would be like if we didn't let the ebug's come into the room

→ blakefriarr_: do you want dawson to be lonely and bitchless

→ nicohischer: yeah kinda??

→ blakefriarr_: oh

jackhughes: why.

→ blakefriarr_ ehehehe your bucket doing weird things

_quinnhughes: ??????? why am i tracksuit rob????

→ blakefriarr_: who else would be tracksuit rob

→ _quinnhughes: nobody needs to be tracksuit rob, friar.

→ _blakefriarr_: WRONG! you do :)

_connorbedard: am i who i are???

→ blakefriarr_: no apparently you are timbaland

→ _connorbedard: oh. okay?

→ adamfantilli: @/_connorbedard you get used to it

→ _connorbedard: do i want to??

→ adamfantilli: eh. 50/50

dawson1417: oh how i've missed the chaos

→ blakefriarr_: fbejdbsjshdghshsb

→ dawson1417: sometimes it's almost like you say words

→ blakefriarr_: :p i love you

→ dawson1417: i love you too, my girl <3

tannercharlotte: this is my reality tv

→ blakefriarr_: i'll leave him for u say the word

→ dawson1417: HEY??

→ blakefriarr_: shhhh baby go sleep

→ tannercharlotte: don't leave him b he doesn't have to know

ryangraves27: she back

→ blakefriarr_: i back!!

nhlblackhawks: ??

→ njdevils: don't '??' her she's right

→ blakefriarr_: thank you (trade for charlie)

→ nyrangers: i can excuse hawks slander but i draw the line at trying to take our char

→ nhlblackhawks: you can excuse hawks slander?

→ jj.friar31: why do teams keep doing this you have ENOUGH leverage over me

trevorzegras: am i bitch one or bitch two

→ trevorzegras: actually yk what don't answer that i don't wanna know

→ blakefriarr_: too bad you're actually both jamie is an angel

view more comments..

#ebug’s sister series ! #dawson mercer #dawson mercer x reader #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #new jersey devils

[ayamari-no-goshi]

I've gotten some questions regarding whether or not I've abandoned fics (specifically the DP x DC ones)

I haven't, but please understand that it's a hobby. Sometimes life doesn't allow me to have time or the energy to want to work on my projects.

Let me just explain the BS that I dealt with in 2023 that's caused writing to go on a back burner for multiple reasons. These are in approximate order.

discovering a friendship was super toxic and person had gotten dangerous to be around. I still have to be very careful visiting a friend who still lives in his area because no one knows how he’ll respond (2023 started off great)

Surgery in Feb… I accidentally re-opened my stitches in March and never felt it happen

Harassment at work that eventually resulted in someone being banned… and the cops being called

First ocular migraine, which happened at worked and scared the shit out of me

First emergency at work that required a 911 call. (The officer that responded before the paramedics seriously looked like Dick Grayson. While my tech saw him too, I’m not convinced he was real)

I cut my finger open on a sword and had to get stitches. Don’t worry about it. I don’t

Trying to be emotional support for friends when online stressors kicked into high gear

Surprise DA inspection at work

Surprise FBI visit at work

Nearly getting caught up in a landslide in Scotland while on vacation (weird things like this are not abnormal when I travel. Also saw something weird in Loch Ness that same day. I think it was just a log though)

People saying disparaging things since I don’t particularly fit into the normal mold of one of my fandoms

Massive depressive episode

Probable concussion from sword - don’t worry about it

Set off DA investigation 1 at work

Set off DA investigation 2 at work

Was part of a sting operation at work

Hosted friends from out of state and country (one of the few good things from 2023)

My cat sat on my laptop and damaged it

Harassment and banishment round 2

Family member died and another ended up in the hospital on the same day for unrelated reasons

My fencing studio closed and I’m not adjusting well to the new one

Bullshit from work that’s just been non-stop since I set up and opened a pharmacy for them.

Honorable mention from 2024: a fire sprinkler pipe froze and broke and ended up flooding my pharmacy in Jan

#Goshi’s thoughts #2023 sucked #like it was bad #but this is why writing was so hard #I just don’t have the energy or want to write at the moment #dp x dc #dp x dc crossover

[romanarose]

Commissions now open!

Hi friends! I've found myself in a tight financial spot.

While fighting a very severe depression episode for a few months, I was unable to work as much as I needed to. That mixed with travel leaving my dorm and christmas break, I spent a lot of my money. I am behind on a few payments of things, including tuition, and will need gas money to get back to school. Im not super worried as I have most of january to work and save, and im working a lot! but A little bit extra would be helpful just to get caught up.

Who I write for: Most Oscar Issac characters (if you aren't sure, just ask. I'm open to trying something new!), The Four Miller Horsemen of the Apocalypse (Joel, Tommy, Will, Benny), Javier Pena, Han Solo, Kylo Ren. Open to other ideas just ask! As a note, my best writing, I feel, has been done on Santiago Garcia, Will Miller, Marc Spector, and Tommy and Joel Miller. They are my special guys.

I'll write about any pairing except the obvious no's like incest and underage. X reader, gn!reader, trans!reader, NB!reader, oc's, threesomes, LGBT parings and so on. I've never written male reader, but I'm willing to give it go. Any mix of race, religion, gender, sexual or romantic orientation etc, I will write and do my best to research the experience and listen to your voice on it.

Content I will write: All the usual, from fluff to non con. dark does not phase me. Again, there's a few no's, and I really can't think of all fetishes off the top of my head so, just ask! No shame from me, I'm into feet and piss lol. Threesomes or group sex are a yes, so is mixing characters from different media (for example, im writing a santiago garcia x reader x javier pena fic)

Pricing: $7 USD per 1000 words.

Will take payment via paypall, cashapp, venmo, but for your safety b ware you can often see full names or numbers. I don't really care but just so you know! Also willing to do other stuff like zelle, as long as i trust they are reputable.

Any questions just go ahead and DM me or comment! I'm pretty wide open.

Thank you!

#commissions #moon knight #marc spector #triple frontier #steven grant #moon knight fanfiction #jake lockley #star wars #han solo fanfiction #x reader #fanfiction #fanfiction commissions #oscar isaac #oscar isaac fanfiction #triple frontier fanfiction #charlie hunnam #william miller #william miller fanfiction #benjamin miller #Ben miller fanfiction #nathan bateman #santiago garcia #oscar isaac hernandez estrada #oscar isaac characters

[genericpuff]

A while back you made a post mentioning Down to Earth is trash and I would like to here your take on it. No pressure on it I just like hearing your opinion on things. FYI I hate Kade lol

I did, and I've been meaning to post about it, but I've been taking some extra time to re-read as much as I can so that I could better collect my thoughts :' )

Now I will mention, I have not caught up to the most recent episodes. Most of my thoughts here will reflect the earliest parts of the series, as I didn't end up sticking with this one. So please take my criticisms as someone who just never got into this series for various reasons, not as someone who was incredibly into the comic and fell off it (like I am with LO). I will try to judge it and review it fairly based on that context.

Most of my issues with Down to Earth don't stem nearly as deep as my issues with LO, Let's Play, or even Big Ethel Energy. Frankly, I think the comic is 'fine', but I don't think it's necessarily all that good either, and the amount of attention it gets from the platform lends to the fact that I really think its success is due to a lot of generated hype. This is one of the other comics on the platform that gets a LOT of priority advertising, not quite as egregious as LO, but still a lot.

The short answer: I think the comic is just overrated and pretty basic in terms of its storytelling and art, and I don't think it's necessarily a good "romance" comic for some of the same reasons I don't think LO or Let's Play are good romance comics. I think the only reason I don't get quite as mad at it as I do with LO or BEE or LP is because (as far as I can tell) it's not really advertising itself as some feminist progressive piece of work. It's sorta just "what you see is what you get", and what you get isn't really all that great (for reasons listed below) but at least it doesn't try to sound smarter than it is most of the time. Read it the same way you would watch a fluff anime.

Moving into my long answer, I will say some of the things that were initially appealing about it: the art is very colorful and cutesy, the comedy (for the most part) is inoffensive and simple, and the story is really easy to pick up and get into.

That said, I do think some of those praises are also part of its weaknesses.

While the art gets better over time, there are certain aspects of its stylization that still feel very "baby's first webcomic" to me. Which is great if you're someone who's into that style, but when I read it, it never really stops feeling like a Canvas comic, if you catch my drift. Nothing really sets it apart from the flood of Merryweather-esque fan service comics that are in the Canvas section.

And boy, is there a LOT of fanservice in this comic. I think the main plot point itself is fanservice in and of itself - cutesy anime alien girl crashes on earth, and winds up living with the depressed NEET-like guy, shenanigans ensue from how "inexperienced" she is due to her alien status. Everything from the circumstances of this character's plot to how she's drawn screams "this is for people who like to read about small titty girls with big asses being put into a situation where they have to rely on a man". The comic takes many opportunities to draw the FL, Zaida, as wide as possible (and of course, the ML Kade loves this trait about her, it's one of the first thing he notices aside from the fact that she speaks an alien language and can do weird alien things like telepathy and flying).

Thankfully this does get a little better in the later episodes, you can tell the creator was struggling with anatomy in places and then honed their skills, but there are still times it regresses back to the extremely-pinched-waist-mega-badonker-hips look.

Don't get me wrong, having a protagonist with wide hips like this is all fine and dandy, but there's a point where you can tell it's purely for fanservice and that's definitely what the comic wants you to know from the starting gun. She fits perfectly into that "born sexy yesterday" trope that so many romance FL's do (cough Persephone cough) while also having that "uwu I'm so inexperienced :(((" vibe that you get from characters like Sam in Let's Play. Shit, Kade pretty much starts sexualizing her before he even knows what her deal is as a person. Does he even know how old she is? Is "she" even a "she", do these aliens have different concepts of gender identity or even different types of reproductive organs than what you would find on Earth?

Look, I get it that I'm probably WAY overthinking it, you can write comics about characters from other dimensions and planets without having to get into the nitty gritty of whether or not they have periods, that's fine. But the real problem is the fact that her being from another planet seems to be used purely for creating an infantilized character with extra steps who's easily laughed at for not knowing things (don't even get me started on how "alien" could be replaced with "someone who doesn't speak English or have access to modern devices" in a lot of this comic, but I feel like that's way too deep of a criticism to be pinning on something that's literally designed to be a quirky fanservice fluff comic.)

Like, you want an alien girl who looks human but still acts reasonably like an alien - while even tackling subjects that come with being an "outsider" - without making her act like a literal baby? Starfire from Teen Titans.

(granted, the whole "smooching to transfer information" thing is definitely a little weird in hindsight, and there are definitely moments of fanservice, but that's about as weird as it gets lmao you don't see Starfire acting like a literal toddler, she is smart and capable, she just isn't from Earth, which is the whole point of her characterization being parallel to that of what foreigners experience ! She's not stupid or incapable of taking care of herself, she's just not accustomed to life on Earth!)

Like, this is in one of the newer episodes and I just-

(I suddenly have to throw up-)

It really dials the creep factor of this whole relationship dynamic to 100 when they drive home just how "babylike" she is through panels like this. It's not really her being unaware of customs around her, it's just her being written as babylike as possible with the fact that she's an alien being used as justification.

But it really makes you think about Kade's intentions when he goes straight to buying lingerie for the girl he just met who's been forced to stay with him in his home. He doesn't even really make efforts to help her get on her own feet, he just accepts this as his fate and goes "welp I guess I gotta make sure I don't get fired from my job" because now he has to support the baby girl that landed in his backyard. So Zaida ends up having no agency as a result. It just feels like a contrived situation meant to force an unaware, vulnerable girl into being taken care of by a guy who's, frankly, a creep.

And boy, Kade is actually kind of a creepy scumbag.

Kade makes for a really uninteresting and frankly pathetic character, he's just sort of a whiny man baby and you just know if Zaida was an earthling who had spent time on this planet longer than a few days, she probably wouldn't put up with this shit LOL Like, deadass he basically threatens to harm her within the first few episodes of the comic-

Like, this is after she's ruined his Playstation or w/e, and it's just like DAMN girl, this is a RED FLAG. But of course, she's an alien girl who's ignorant about everything, so it creates that power dynamic where he basically has full reign to take advantage of her at any time. Ladies, if a guy says you shouldn't trust him, take him at his word.

Zaida's characterization is also very inconsistent between her being an alien and her just being an "uwu baby girl". Often times it just makes the whole "alien" thing feel like it's only there to justify writing yet another "I'm babyyyy" romance. Sometimes she's WAY more privy to things than you'd expect her to be and then other times she's doing the dumbest shit for laughs.

Now to be fair, she DOESN'T put up with his shit here, but the fact that the writing for Zaida is inconsistent makes scenes like Kade being a creep being more about the creator realizing they're leaning too hard into her being vulnerable to abuse and so they quickly have Zaida combat it with some strange amount of awareness despite the fact she's only been living with him for a few days... but not enough awareness to maybe realize this isn't a good living situation. Like, again, she may be able to speak English, but that doesn't mean she's fully aware of what Earthlings are like, so she's suddenly really smart about what it means to be taken advantage of by a human man even though everywhere else in the comic she's written like a toddler.

And of course, like many of these webtoons tend to do, they don't linger on the implications of this scene too long, so they quickly turn it into a punchline to ease the tension. Audience comfort restored.

And that brings us to the comedy. The "jokes" in this comic basically boil down to, "haha, the alien girl doesn't know how to take care of herself on Earth!" , which frankly, I think is just a very thin veil for infantilization. I mean, really, the fact that she's an alien doesn't even really matter in the world of this comic, it takes a while for the comic to even really give us a glimpse of what her life was like off Earth so most of the comic is just typical slice of life cutesy moments you'd find in literally any shoujo or romance webtoon. You could switch out the fact that she's an alien with her being from another dimension, or turn it into an isekai where she was the female character in Kade's favorite video game who suddenly got zapped into the real world, and it would make fundamentally zero difference.

They even sorta lampshade this fact but swiftly move on from it.

There's nothing really that makes her an "alien" in any unique or consequential way, she's just a carbon copy anime girl with pointy ears who could be replaced with any other trope from other romance subgenres like this. She can eat human food just fine, dress in human clothes, and as long as she wears a hat over her ears, she's literally indistinguishable from the humans around her.

I will add as well that there are a lot of little ways they hint towards the implied dynamic between these two, at least in the beginning. The whole "second rule: obey" bit, while passed off immediately after as a joke, feels like it was inserted there JUST to create that imbalanced power dynamic that so many "romance" webtoons rely on, similarly to LO and Let's Play. The fact that he corrects himself from this just feels like, again, lampshading.

And again, after this we do see Kade legitimately acting like a creep and he DOESN'T DO ANYTHING to help Zaida get her footing beyond paying for her room and board and telling her to mind her vocabulary, so this seems more like him trying to create a situation that's beneficial to him where he's effectively trapped this girl into relying on him.

They even lampshade this as well so that leads me to believe they're fully aware of this dynamic and how creepy it is, so they try and play it off as a "haha so funny" joke to ease the tension or create suspension of disbelief.

When it comes to the actual execution of punchlines, again, 90% of the jokes in this comic are "haha alien girl so stupid!"

(I will admit this scene did make me laugh, but it's telling that it was the only one that stood out to me for that because every other joke in this series is very mid and resorts to the same type of "haha she's a stupid alien girl" punchlines.)

(omg mental illness! so funny! /s)

If you really want comedy written around aliens describing human things in weird ways, then just go read Strange Planet. They're actually aliens and they're consistently funny through much smarter writing that doesn't rely purely on "lmao they're stupid because they're not from here". If anything the aliens in Strange Planet are way more welcoming and endearing to the concept of being a fish out of water than simply making them stupid for a punchline.

(i swear to christ, "crisscross flop disc" and "prohibit anxiety" are lines that have lived in my head rent free for like 3 years now, it never gets old and THAT'S how you know it's a good joke LMAO)

And the story, as mentioned, is easy to get into, but ultimately that winds up meaning it's not really all that well done. Like, it's fine! It's a cute comic to read if you're into this sort of thing, there are a lot of sweet little moments that feel good to read between Kade and Zaida, but ultimately because of the focus on the fluff, that's all it ends up feeling like - weekly doses of fluff. Even when it tries to have some semblance of plot, it's quickly undercut by fanservice. So it's just kinda boring and vapid.

Case in point, one of Kade's observations of Zaida is that she apparently looks "just like his ex girlfriend" who he still clearly hasn't gotten over, but we don't actually see even a hint of what his ex-girlfriend looks like until MULTIPLE episodes later after the "sparks" have already started being formed between him and Zaida.

Um... she doesn't really look like Zaida at all aside from them both being generic anime girls, but okay lol by that logic the girl he served at the store in Episode 7 also looks like Zaida.

So it kinda makes the whole relationship feel superficial, like he's only interested in her because she vaguely reminds him of his ex, and it's taking so long to get through any amount of plot through all the fluff that I can't be sure if they ever actually address this. I'd like to think they do eventually, though from what I've heard of the later episodes after his ex-girlfriend makes an appearance, it seems more like they go the LO route of making the two relationship "choices" just be complete opposites where one is actually sweet to the ML and the other is abusive JUST to make the sweet FL seem like the "better option". IDK, obviously my criticism of this is lukewarm because I haven't kept up on this comic in ages, but I have the sneaking suspicion the whole ex-girlfriend-the-ML-can't-get-over plotline isn't gonna be used for his development, just to further propel him and Zaida into a relationship - and by extension, manufactured drama to make their relationship more "interesting".

Overall, I don't think Down to Earth is anywhere near as egregious as Let's Play and LO, but it's definitely cut from the same cloth, and that's why it frustrates me to see it - alongside LO and Big Ethel Energy - being marketed as "new voices in romance".

(also real talk, it's so disingenuous for them to include LO in this "new voices in romance comics" panel when it's been around for so many years that everyone and their grandma who uses WT knows about the comic, if they aren't reading LO by now they REALLY don't want to. It's not "new", if anything it's one of the oldest ongoing webtoons on the platform and it REALLY needs to end already lmao)

Far be it from me to gatekeep an entire genre, but this brand of romance comic isn't really "romance". It's vapid fluff loaded up with egregious fanservice that's meant to give you a hit of dopamine every week, while never lingering on serious scenes for too long because they don't want you to realize just how imbalanced the relationship is between the two main characters. It's not quite as concerning as LO or Let's Play, but it does have a vibe that's really uncomfortable when you start to feel it. So having comics like these held up as the "golden standard" of romance is just... it's really telling as to what WT's priorities are and how unhealthy "romance" has become in mainstream media.

And if I can get a little "old man yelling at cloud" for a second, I miss when romance was sweet and soft and earnest and heartfelt. I think the only mainstream and successful romance webcomic (and it's not even an Originals!) that I've seen in the last several years that isn't loaded up with these problematic tropes is Heartstopper. Heartstopper is sweet and soft and earnest and heartfelt. Heartstopper is way more of a pillar for a healthy romance than what any of these "new voices in romance comics" can provide. It literally couldn't function as an Originals series because the definition of a WT romance comic would undercut the actual point of Heartstopper.

These unhealthy standards and dynamics that we've set in the romance genre have been so pervasive for years now and I really just wish they'd go away.

y'know what, this whole essay is really just a promo post for Heartstopper now, go read it-

#just go read heartstopper #webtoon critical #down to earth critical

[cornyonmains]

Something I really like about Only Friends is the characters are so complexly written and layered that I kind of wind up being an apologist or detractor for all of them at different points in time. I don't really have a black and white view of the characters, which is usually the only thing you have in BL.

Top's a fuckboy with substance abuse issues. But also, he seems like he genuinely wants connection, and I feel bad for him sometimes because it's so clear he wants Mew to be affectionate with him, and Mew just isn't.

Mew is controlling. A giant walking defense mechanism that can't connect will with people. But also, he's surrounded by people who don't have his best interests in mind, and as he's opening up, we're seeing that he's not some criminal mastermind. In fact, that's the mask. The real Mew is just some dumb college kid who's into a guy he's scared of being vulnerable with, because he's never caught feelings he couldn't control. It's so obvious someone messed Mew up REAL GOOD.

Boston is.... He's an objectively terribly human being. He's also a miserable human being though, a lot like Ray, and he places so much of his value on sex he doesn't know how to make meaningful bonds. It's clear he's nuts about Nick, that he wants to monopolize his affections and attentions, but he doesn't know how to translate that into something healthy. Like Mew, his relationship with sex is fucked, and at the core of an inability to bond. I actually think he's jealous of Mew because there's a parallel there, but whereas Boston is derided for his relationship with sex and inability to connect, Mew is praised. Boston is a shit human being, but he is to be pitied.

Ray's kind of a dick. He's self-centered, won't take no for an answer from Mew, he has substance abuse issues, and saying Sand wasn't his boyfriend because he's holding onto that hope for Mew was fucked. But he's also got major depressive disorder, his parents sound like real pieces of work, and Khao does such a great job of conveying his fragility you can really sense how close to just breaking apart he is. He fucks up, but you still want him to get to a better place.

Sand, oh dear god, this boy has my heart. He's not perfect. Yeah, he sells hooch, he smokes weed, he parties. But he's got flaws too. He works too much, his head's in the clouds, he's destined to wind up on a sexiest mugshots website, and he falls too hard, too fast. He lets himself get led around by the nose by Ray. Sand's the easiest character to like on this show. He's got a hustle, but he's also got 'dude I wouldn't be deeply uncomfortable to be in a room alone with' energy.

Nick's not completely guiltless with his relationship with Boston. I've got a soft spot for him because he's a sweet, quiet kid, and I have a habit of adopting introverts. But he's not like Mew, he knew his way around both dick and dicks from the start, and wasn't blind to who Boston was. He bugged the car. That was a little too extra. I still wanna buy him cheeseburgers and tell him these boys ain't shit though, because he's so miserably in love with Boston, and Boston might be up front with him, but he's still stringing him along, telling him what he wants to hear, and giving more when Nick expresses interest in seeing other people. Was recording Boston and Top some pure creep mode shit to do? Yes. But do I support him using the recording to put Boston in his place? Yeah, I do.

Cheum is another easy to like characters, but we don't get to see much of her, so aside from simply liking her dancing queen energy, I can't really make an assessment. I like that she's the only one in the group actually helping Mew with the project. Also, I laughed when she clocked Ray as most fuckable. Most queer woman would agree, and Jojo is out here making us feel attacked.

Anyways, in summation, I'm thinking of opening a GoFundMe to get therapy for fictional characters. I still can't believe we've got 7 more episodes of drams to get through.

#only friends #only friends the series #ofts #topmew #sandray #bostonnick #thai bl #bl drama

[stagefoureddiediaz]

The birth and resurrection of Buck

Have a meta to tide you over until the episode airs!!!

The imagery that the writers and the crew (and cast but they’re doing what they’re directed to do so I'm not including them here) have been utilising in relation to Buck and Christian symbolism is pretty interesting - and especially in relation to the resurrection of Christ. 

We’ve seen so many references to it now that its almost like the universe is screaming at us or something! This is not fully comprehensive as I am sure there is more and I've not got time to do the level of in depth analysis I'd like to (I'm trying to get this out before 6x10 airs!), but this is the major points in relation to Buck and the resurrection. Putting it below the cut because its a bit long 😎

Buck is a saviour baby

We all know Buck was born to save his brother and that has had a profound impact on who he is and how he views himself - he has made saving people his entire personality. In Christianity Jesus was born to save the human race from sin and spent his life saving people through his preaching and miracles etc. Even Bucks name ties him to being a saviour - Evan means 'Gods gift' or 'Gods messenger' playing into the idea that God gave the Buckleys a gift (which they then didn't appreciate) and he then used Buck to spread his message (which we are only now truly getting to see the extent of) which leads me on to;

Travelling Buck

The bible details Jesus travelling preaching and spreading the word of God. These travels are an important part of the story and actually stem back to his birth - Mary and Joseph have to escape from Bethlehem and spend time in Egypt before returning to Nazareth

We see Buck escaping his parents and heading out on his own travels - sending postcards back to Maddie. Bucks travels are an important part of his own story - he didn't use his travels to preach etc in the way jesus did but he did use them to

St Christopher and the tsunami

I have a slightly unorthodox view of the st Christopher and the tsunami connection - but hear me out. So most people refer to Buck as being the embodiment of st Christopher in the tsunami arc because he carried Chris and got him to safety - all totally valid and definitely a legitimate way to read it. I However think there is a second way to view it because yes Buck saved Chris etc etc carrying him like St Christopher carried Jesus, but if you think about it metaphorically, things can look a little different.

Think about it this way - Eddie and Shannon have a baby and name him Christopher - then Shannon gives Eddie the St Christopher necklace - to protect him and remind him he has a family to come home to. Now Eddie carries that necklace around with him like a talisman.

Fast forward to the Tsunami and Christopher is dropped off with buck by Eddie to get him out of his loft - Buck is metaphorically drowning in his depression etc over not being able to return to work etc. The show was blatant in its use of the tsunami as a metaphor for the tidal wave of grief and depression both Buck and Christopher (and Eddie to a certain extent) were experiencing for differing reasons (Buck identifying himself through his job and feeling there is nothing else for him and Christopher the grief of losing his mother) - theres a reason he is they are the only two directly caught up in the wave! Buck directly refers to Christopher saving him - up on the fire truck "we saved each other" and then Eddie tells Buck its time for Christopher to "do the same [save him] for you" and then we get Bucks voiceover about the life raft that gets you home - implying that it is Christopher (and Eddie though his words) carrying Buck home (to safety.

We get to see it in action again in Eddie begins - Eddie is buried in rising water - yet the thought of Christopher (and Buck) leads him to safety - to saving himself. The story of St Christopher talks about the water swelling and rising - much like the Tsunami of course, but also like the rising water Eddie battles through to get back to safety - to his family.

It is this reason that I would argue Christopher is the embodiment of st Christopher, and not Buck, although they are in many respects interchangeable.

While we're on the subject of St Christopher, it is worth mentioning that he is not only the patron saint of travellers, but also of things related to travel and travellers—against lightning and pestilence in particular, obviously we had the pestilence shown through Covid - and the separation of Christopher from Eddie and Buck as a form of protection and now the lightning is coming out to play. I think the fact its Eddie connected to Buck on the ladder is more significant than it just being about Buddie - it also connects into the st Christopher of it all - Eddies necklace forms that direct connection to Christopher, and Eddie is going to be connected to Buck via a rope (I love layers connections like this!) thus connecting him to Christopher as well!

Maddie

Maddie as a name means 'from Magdala' - the place Mary Magdalene is from. Mary Magdalene has had a bad rap over the years - there is very little evidence that she was a prostitute - it is likely that another Mary (the most common name for women of the time) was conflated with Mary Magdalene and thus she becomes known as a prostitute. Mary was considered Jesus's most faithful follower, and the one who understood him best - she is considered to have taken care of him and financially supported his ministry. We could attribute all of these same characteristics to Maddie herself - she is the one who has taken care of Buck, she has supported him - one could say that giving him the Jeep and some cash so he could travel is that same as providing financial support (Bucks ministry being the fact that he needs to travel to find himself and end up in LA, so giving him the jeep sets everything in motion) and Maddie is also the one who understands him best (Eddie is on his way to superseding her but shared childhood trauma edges in her favour right now!) Mary Magdalene is the one who witnesses the empty tomb and the resurrection of Jesus - ergo Maddie being the one at Bucks bedside when he wakes isn’t that much of a reach for us to make.

A couple of other snippets before we get to the resurrection itself;

Jesus was 33 when he died - Buck is 33 (approximately) in Canon at the time of the lightning strike 👀

Jesus was resurrected on the 3rd day - we’ve been getting all the 3’s - literally all of them - this season and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Buck is in a coma for 3 days (and if I'm right about this i'll be flinging myself into the sun over it!)

Also we haven't talked about the Taylor of it all - Taylor is Judas! Let me explain, Judas became Jesus's closest apostle, but he is also separated from the other apostles, through his dislike of the way Jesus went about certain things - he's the only Apostle to question Jesus outright right and he betrayed Jesus - which lead to his crucifixion.

With Taylor she has always had this antagonistic side to her - she questions Buck (without understanding or reason), and she is technically the closest to him (by virtue of dating him not because she is actually the closest person to him) whilst also being separate from everyone else in the show. It is Taylor who betrays Buck and leads to the higher ups semi blacklisting Buck in the aftermath - similar to the way Judas's betrayal of Jesus allowed Pilate to arrest and ultimately kill him. In the same way that it was essentially predetermined that Judas would betray Jesus, it was predetermined on the show that Taylor would ultimately betray Buck (and the 118). Its important to remember that Buck feeling like he's been black listed etc as a result of Taylors actions is a key part of his spiral in season 6 - it is the catalyst for so much of what has happened thus far and part of why he was so determined to prove himself captain material and for his decision to try the age of absolutely and say yes to everything!

As an aside to this Judas is often depicted in Christian imagery with red hair - just like a certain reporter we all know and hate!!

The Resurrection

So we've all been screaming over the imagery of Buck hanging in the air and subsequently being lowered to the ground and into the arms of Bobby and how it fits into Christian imagery of Jesus being removed from the cross Like this one - 'Deposition' by Caravaggio

Deposition is one of the more famous paintings depicting this moment, but Christs removal from the cross is often depicted with the presence of ladders and the pose they have Buck in is also a commonly used one in the depiction of Christ's removal from the cross

such as this one by Rembrant;

or this one by Rubens

in both instances Christ is removed from the cross and into the arms of Joseph of Arimethea and we see the women of Christ (I hate that term but there we go!) both Mary Magdalene and his mother Mary in these paintings. Joseph was granted permission to bury Jesus - a feat normally undertaken by the father of the deceased. The fact that Joseph of Galilee wasn't present (when Mary was) suggests that he was already deceased.

you cannot convince me that this;

wasn't inspired by the above art! there are a couple of really interesting things about the fact we have Bobby very obviously in the position of Joesph of Arimethea. Joesph of Arimethea is taking on the role of father figure to Christ and we know Bobby has taken on the role of father figure to Buck. I'm also willing to put money on the person we can't see being Hen - thus representing the women. This will also likely be accompanied by Maddie being at Bucks bedside (and we might possibly see Margaret there as well in some capacity even if I start growling!!)

The thing with the crucifixion, deposition and subsequent resurrection is that they are the key turning point in the bible - they are the moment when the work Jesus has undertaken up to this point gains its importance and status - without his sacrifice at that moment, it is very possible Christianity (and Judaism and islam as well for that matter) may not exist!

If we break it down in 911 terms and look at where Buck is at right now and where he is headed it all ties in very interestingly with Jesus.

The pipeline is essentially the same

Jesus; betrayed - crucified - removed from the cross - resurrected.

Buck; Betrayed - crucified - removed from the ladder truck - resurrected (and in a coma before waking up)

We know Buck isn't going to actually die - that wouldn't serve the same purpose for the show that Christs death did in the bible. The outcome is the same though. Buck is going to die - temporarily and its going to land him in a coma, but hes going to die. and that is so important. Buck is at apoint where he needs to shed the 'Evan of it all. the saviour label is so firmly attached to Evan and at this point in time Buck cannot escape its clutches - he even leant into it with the sperm donation. Now though hes discovering leaning into hasn't actually helped or made him feel better.

Buck is still stuck with this saviour label attached to him - only the risk is that now its becoming attached to Buck as well - not just to Evan (Connor knows Buck from before - when he was still Evan remember). Bucks choice to become a sperm donor means the lines are becoming increasingly blurred between Evan and Buck. In order for Buck to learn and grow - for him to be able to move on and essentially become who he wants to be - who Buck is, he needs to not be Evan anymore, so that means some form of rebirth.

This is where the coma storyline is such a great narrative device as a representation of the resurrection - in his coma Buck will get to see who Evan would've been - without the Buck of it all. He'll discover that it's not all its cracked up to be in his head - that thats not who he is, who he wants to be or who he'll ever be and being that won't make him happy. It won't be straightforward, nor will he get there immediately (healing isn't linear but Buck is on that road finally), but he will be carrying that knowledge with him and that will help him figure out that Buck is loved and wanted in a way Evan never has been (with the exception of by Maddie), that he isn't spare parts in the way Evan is and he will be able to be resurrected as Buck.

We need to remember that Christ was resurrected 3 days after his death and then appeared to certain people (in particular the apostles but also to others) during the next 40 days. This is why I'm expecting Buck to be in a coma for 3 days.

This is in no way as coherent as I'd like it to be - I think I'll have to revisit when I'm not feeling quite so insane about the episode tonight!!

I don't think I've written this much on religion since I was in RE classes at school!! I find the use of religious imagery in modern media really interesting and 911 is really going all in with it! Anyway I hope you found it interesting and I'm sure I've left out a lot of stuff, but the important points are all there I think!

feel free to drop thoughts opinions etc in the tags or comments - I can't wait to read everyone else's good thoughts and ideas!

#this was a frantic slog to get done today with all the spoilers etc happening and distracting me from getting this done! #not my most coherent meta but its a good starting point I think #my brain is not letting me get out what I want to - I had more dots connected!!! #incoherent babbling!! #kym writes meta #resurrection meta #911 spoilers #evan buckley #911 on fox #buck #911onfox #911 fox

[esta-elavaris]

AAAAAND WITH THAT-- WE ARE DONE! I just finished and queued up my final flufftober fill to be posted tomorrow! Thirty-one stories in thirty-one days. One more story than I originally planned, because I couldn't resist in the end. 55,105 words total for flufftober alone, in addition to the ~four chapters of HWFG I wrote, and novel work, which brings the total up to somewhere between 75-80k. On a year where I decided I would not be taking part in NaNo events, to give myself a break from insane output expectations 💀 I'm actually stunned that I managed it. I went into it sure that I'd fall behind and some would be late, or I'd end up still going through the list in November, or something. But uhhh?? Insanity prevailed!

I'm especially proud because a depressive episode hit in the final week, which was? The worst possible outcome (bar the 'vid, which is what happened last year, so there's definitely a curse afoot) but I managed it!! It was more difficult than NaNo in some ways bc at the end of those days your stuff doesn't need to be fit for reading, but the lack of focus on the word count itself really helped me get caught up in the stories, which made it a lot more fun.

Again, thank you guys so much for all of the lovely responses and the likes and the reblogs and the general enthusiasm, it quadrupled the fun I had with it all this month, and it was a blast experimenting with new pairings without taking on the commitment of a proper long!fic. Can't wait to get back to all of the fics I neglected over the last month!...and to be freed up to write some devastation 👀

But first, I think I've earned a nap 💜

...until 2024.

#RIP to october 2024 lucy who now has to match this #she's cursing me rn frfr #esta's flufftober '23 fills

[flightfoot]

The weird thing about Adrien quitting modeling is that he makes it seem like his dad is a super unreasonable guy. But as soon as he asks his dad just goes “K whatever”. This also happens in Gorizilla when he has this whole perception of his dad and his dad would have shown him the movie if he asked. It just feels like the narrative muddles what kind of dad Gabriel is. His classmates act like Gabriel is Satan because he doesn’t ship Adrinette, or sometimes tells him to stay home. It kind of seems like that isn’t true though since Adrien leaves the house all the time as CN and never gets punished when he’s caught, maybe he’s just lying to his friends to spend time with Ladybug. Or when Adriens starts slipping in his activities his dad makes him stay home as a punishment, that’s a normal thing parents do. Marinettes parents also do that in one episode. Not to mention in Jubilation we see Adriens just lounging at home without modeling, what happened to spending time with your friends? I think the narrative needs to be clear on if Gabriel is actually a bad dad, or just the villain of the series.

Thing is, it's not just "Gabriel being strict" that's the issue. If that was all, then he might not be a great dad, but he wouldn't be an awful one.

It's not just that Gabriel's efforts interfere with Adrienette, or even that he sometimes wants Adrien to stay home. Those, in and of themselves, would be annoying, but not horrific.

But like... in Gorizilla, Adrien DID try to ask about seeing the movie. This was how the exchange went.

Adrien: Father, there's something I'd like to talk to you...about. Can I have a few minutes of your time? Gabriel: Yes, of course. Adrien: Really? Gabriel: I'll tell Nathalie to let you know as soon as I'm available. Adrien:(sighs) It'll be too late then. (Gabriel notices that Adrien is fidgeting with his ring.) Gabriel: Shouldn't you be practicing your piano? Adrien: Yes. (Adrien walks out of the room.)

Gabriel ignored Adrien for the most part, telling him to schedule later, and dismissing him by saying that he should be practicing piano instead. Adrien had that perception of Gabriel for a reason.

And yeah, sometimes Gabriel tells Adrien to stay home after slipping in one of his activities. That, in and of itself, isn't the worst thing, but it's how minor the slip-up was and how major the punishment, as well as his condescending attitude towards Adrien's friends, that was the issue.

(Adrien playing the piano. Adrien accidentally plays the wrong key) Gabriel: I've heard enough. Are you sure you're practicing, Adrien? Adrien: I'm just doing the same exercises over and over again. I think I could make better progress if I could just play with other musicians. After all, music's meant to be shared with other people, don't you think? Gabriel: We Agrestes are soloists. We're no mere group members. I suggest you rehearse your piece some more. You'll play it for me again later today. Adrien: But father, you promised that I could attend my friends' concert. Gabriel: Not after that performance you've just given, which is probably due to their influence! You need to refocus, Adrien. (Adrien calls Nino)

Gabriel cuts him off from seeing his friends - something he'd already agreed to - for a pretty minor mistake. And on top of that, he blamed them for being "bad influences".

Yeah, Adrien's managed to slip out of his room without being caught, most of the time. That doesn't mean Gabriel's okay with him leaving it though.

As for Gabriel not punishing Adrien on the few occasions when he IS caught... it is a little weird, I'll admit. But most of the time, I think he's happy enough just to have Adrien back (especially after something like Gorizilla) that I'm guessing that's why he forgoes punishment.

As for Adrien lounging around in Jubilation, I'm guessing that's a combination of Adrien being depressed (over what? take your pick) and Adrien likely not being allowed to just leave the house to do whatever, even if he has no other pressing commitments. Just because he doesn't have something else Gabriel wants him to do, doesn't mean he has permission to visit a friend.

#ask #miraculous ladybug #adrien agreste #gabriel agreste #ml jubilation #ml spoilers #ml analysis

[compassionatereminders]

I got accepted into college last week and have been slowly pulling myself out of a depressive episode. Caught up on dishes and laundry, brushed my teeth for the first time in weeks last night, and I'm almost 9 months sober from alcohol. I've recently had a chronic pain issue flare up in my joints so I'm getting tested for rheumatoid arthritis soon which is scary but I'm trying really hard not to get anxious. Exercise helps so ive been going to the gym and haven't needed my braces/cane since I started going again, I'm holding on to those just in case I do tho. I'm letting go of my perfectionism but it's hard. Life is hard but fuck I'm trying and that's what matters I think. Just wanted to share some of my little victories over the past few weeks.

It sounds like you're doing amazing and you deserve to be really proud of yourself! I really hope all your hard work keeps paying off and I wish you best of luck with all of it.

#chat with kat #alcohol tw

[linc-karo-27]

I've read many people's speculation that hawk will betray tim by outing him deliberately, but if he did, would tim bw able to join the military? bc there are photos of him in the uniform, and synopsis for ep 5 I think implies he makes a life changing decision. I haven't read the book, but I don't mind any spoilers.

Hey Anon! (first one to this account since I rejoined tumblr back in 2021) - right this is where we need to consult the book (and spoilers for Ep1 and 2). SPOILER FOR THE SHOWTIME DESCRIPTIONS/TRAILER.

Sorry this is kinda long but its like the last half of the book. Its messy.

TLDR; According to Showtime we have to wait for it (if it happens) until the last episode.

In the book, a lot of the 1950s happen in a different order. Mary is Hawks Faux GF for longer and Tim running off to the army happens around the time Lucy comes into the picture (there four "sections" in the book, and we have the army life in section 3/4).

The show has already played around with the timeline a bit with a major event of the book that has not happened yet: The Lie Detector Test. This happens about 2-3 months into T&H's relationship. By the looks of it its in episode 4 (and now it could be the reason Tim enlists. If he is not around, he can't get them caught). Then the roadtrip; then Lucy comes along; then Tim enlists; the last few months of him and Hawk; Tim leaves.

right: this is a summary of the book events re: army and onwards to the end of the book.

The night Tim Enlists its after a fight with Hawk over some petty thing (his birthday). This is after someone (whose not present in the show but actions have been merged basically into Hawk and Marcus) phones Tim to snitch on McCarthy and winds Tim up to the point he basically is a mess. When he's in the army Hawk courts Lucy; marries her and gets her pregnant. So when he returns its near the end of Lucy's pregnancy (two years later). He goes to Paris in this time as well (Hawk messes with his enlistment to get him away from any fighting).

During the time he is still in the US he sees Mary a fair bit (and her dad) and she is the one who tells him about Hawk and the wedding, which upsets him so much it basically makes him start to starve himself ("fasting for 36 hours") and into full religious zealotry. Basically most of the time in the army he's kinda depressed imo. Its not a very nice part of the book and i hope the showrunners edited it to make him less.... idk unhappy?

When he returns in 1957 (he leaves in 1955) hawk has found them a secret house (owned by Mary's ex, a brewer called Paul but that isn't important) which is abandoned and falling apart. They move their meet ups to this house and Tim falls basically into worshipping Hawk. At the same time, a job helping the refugees fleeing the Hungarian Revolution comes up and Hawk gets him the job (its basically something he becomes fixated on in the army) and the eve of them about to give it to Tim (and his kid born) Hawk imagines Tim's life post this when Tim mentions he will finally have the money to own his own house (he is living in another character's loft and that character has basically become more fleshed out as Marcus in the show) so after Hawk leaves him for the night he goes to the M Unit and tells them Tim has "security considerations". Tim looses the job (but isnt investigated) and he flees DC; and never sees Hawk again (there's more to the ending told via Mary in the epilogue that is basically Tim has a breakdown and is sent to a place that is basically a mental hospital by his sister and just moves on with his life.

this paragraph from the book summaries this easily (Hawk's reason for dibbing him in)

IN THE SHOW

So Showtime is hinting that Episode 5 ends on Tim being in the army but Episode 6 opens in 1968. So in the show its likely 4 Tim enlists; 5 is his time in the army (so not much of him maybe on screen, but the other 2 stories play out) , ending on him going back to DC OR 5 he enlists and it ends on that. We then have the 1960s and 1970s episodes, with Showtime telling us Episode 8 is 1957 and 1986 (like how the others have gone but a timeskip in the 1950s maybe)

Episode 8 (ignoring the 1986 stuff because rn I have no idea how we are doing that last episode stuff) is the messing with Hawk in the abandon house, but Hawk dibs him in over something (basically close to the book), he leaves and the 1950s end on that.

So yeah......... Hawk being a dick in the 1950s is likely saved until the last episode. Added with the "life changing" of the 1980s (which imo is Tim wanting him and Marcus/Frankie to not be present for those last days and tells Hawk to give him up because he isn't the best person). It would also make sense why every review seems to say ep6 feels weird - its been set up to mirror the 1980s: there is something we the audience don't know that is making everything awkward.

#fellow travelers #ft spoilers #Hawk is a dick in the book you need to understand #but yeah - tim goes really off the rails in the army for lack of better terms #but hawk saves the knife stab of carrot sticking a job over him

[thefrogdalorian]

It's New Year's Eve and I just wanted to share some mushy thoughts about life and Mando and Din and how this year has been overall for me!!

If you don't want to read below the cut I just wanted to wish you a Happy New Year!! I hope you have a wonderful time, whatever you do to celebrate. I'm currently on a trip so I may not be terribly active, but if you're struggling and the emotions of the day are a little too much, please do message me. I've been there plenty of times. You're not alone. NYE should really be about looking to the future rather than dwelling on the past, but I know how easy it is to get caught up in that depressive loop of thinking.

But if you do want to keep reading, then strap in for some Oversharing Online and gushing about how much Mando means to me:

I first started watching Mando during the pandemic in 2020, I think the first episode released like 2 days after the UK went into lockdown or something. 2020 was an awful year for me, as I'm sure it was for so many of you. A lot of things happened to me that I'm still trying to process but I hope to start therapy in the new year and go some way to addressing it.

Anyway, The Mandalorian came to me at a time I dearly needed it. It was welcome relief from The Horrors I was experiencing. I was hooked pretty much straight away, who was this mysterious man? What were his intentions? Was he good or bad? OH WOW THAT WALK. THAT VOICE!!! I loved it, but it wasn't until The Believer that everything changed for me. It went from enjoyment to full-blown obsession. I couldn't wait until Season 3 aired, and I think the expectations I had built up in my head could never have lived up to the reality of what I felt upon watching it for the first time. I was pretty disappointed most weeks, but I feel so differently now.

This year has been pretty strange for me. I had some amazing highs (like being able to go to Star Wars Celebration where I got to see so many amazing Din and Mandalorian cosplays which was an INSANE experience and I still kind of haven't properly processed yet??) and also some difficult lows.

In June I finally got my autism diagnosis, something I'd been essentially waiting for for EIGHT YEARS. It was a huge shock but also not shocking at all. As in, I knew I was autistic since being a teenager but I was absolutely not expecting to be told right there and then at my assessment. So when the psychologist looked me in the eye and told me that I was autistic it was somewhat of a gut punch. Processing it was extremely difficult but during that time I found myself drawn back to Mando and particularly to season 3. I rewatched it again and again fell in love with a season that I'd probably felt on the whole underwhelmed with at the time, until the last two episodes, which I loved instantly.

When rewatching it, I noticed things that I'd missed before, which led me to become kind of obsessed with the idea of Din and Bo together. I know not everyone enjoys that but that truly is what I love about media, that we can all watch a similar thing and interpret it differently! I don't think I'm any more correct about the way I view certain interactions than anyone else. Shipping should just be a little fun, not ruin your mental health or dictate how you treat strangers on the internet. And it especially should not lead to any real world harassment of creators and actors.

So in September an idea formed and between then and November a 182,000 word fic landed in my lap. That's the best way I can describe writing it for me, I was so fixated on finishing it and the plot just kept coming the more I wrote. It is by FAR the longest thing I've ever written and probably ever will write, but the routine of writing it and publishing it helped claw me out of a spiral I was in after my diagnosis.

And it was publishing it on AO3 that gave me the confidence to rejoin a fandom space again. It was a big step for me to put myself out there but I'm so glad that I did because that's what led me here, to discover this wonderful community who adore Din and The Mandalorian just as much as I do. I'm so happy that I finally found my way here. It was way less intimidating than I ever thought it would be!

I know that I haven't been here for the longest time, I wish I just got over my nervousness and made a tumblr earlier in the year so I could have joined in with the hype before season 3. But also considering how poorly received the season was overall, maybe it was for the best that I wasn't here.

Despite my relative newness here, I just wanted to say how welcomed I've felt and that is a truly lovely feeling. Thank you so much to everyone who has interacted with any of my posts and especially my writing in any way, big or small. It means a lot to me! I cannot wait to be around for all the buildup to Season 4, honestly. I know it seems so far but after midnight we can say it's (probably) only NEXT YEAR!

I have no idea what 2024 has in store for me. That doesn't scare me, in fact I'm quite excited about not knowing what will happen. I

Of course, I have some goals I'd like to achieve for myself but whatever happens, I know that Mando will be there to endlessly rewatch and whatever comes my way, I'll always have Din Djarin. He's the only man to ever exist! That gorgeous tin can who instantly soothes me every time I get to watch his silly little exploits with his silly little son. Where would we be without him, eh?

Anyway, whatever you're doing tonight to celebrate and even if you aren't, I wish you all the best. Stay safe, enjoy yourself and I'm sending you lots of love and light for the year. May 2024 be a healthy, happy prosperous year for you and your loved ones.

See you in 2024!

Love,

Spud 🥔🐸

#text post #a little oversharing on the internet as a treat #actually autistic #i basically just love din and all of you here THANKS for welcoming me to a space where i can just rant a lot and you all support me djdjdj #just autism things #i wrote this before i went away lol #but i still feel every word!! #almost midnight for me 🥺🥺🥺

[kenobster]

The more pressure there is on creators to tag/warn (aka rhetoric like "its okay if ppl write [blank] as long as its tagged" rhetoric... discord servers that have heavy CW rules... comments/asks requesting certain topics to be tagged...), the less interest I have in actually tagging anything whatsoever.

Movies are a different beast perhaps, but, as an avid reader, I've never stumbled across anything unexpectedly dark or triggering in a book or a fic. The author's opening passages or chapters have always prepared me for the eventual nature of their story. The style, the tone, the synopsis, the foreshadowing — they have never failed to indicate an oncoming scene descriptive or explicit of something dark or uncomfortable. When I stumble across those preparative breadcrumbs the author has left me, it's true that I sometimes feel temporary discomfort... but I'll hit the back button or close the book or exit the app, and that extremely mild unease is soon forgotten. (If it is not forgotten, then I am grateful for the reminder to schedule my therapy appointment or spend time with a friend or find some other kind of tactic to address such unhealthy rumination. And even if I cannot address it, I'm aware that any attempt to avoid it will only worsen my tolerance for uncomfortable encounters in the long term.)

I can sort of understand the pressure in some scenarios. Perhaps a discord server would like to be inclusive of minors without legal repercussions. Perhaps a user is constantly filling a popular tag with triggering material without any warnings or tags. However, there are times when it makes less sense. A discord server dedicated exclusively to darker themes (especially with a small userbase) needn't mandate the use of trigger warnings. A tumblr user needn't tag every mention of "blood" or "vomitting" just to satisfy the possibility of one or two uncomfortable followers.

I support tags. I support warnings. I support information.

As long as it's voluntary.

The use of warnings and categories and tags and 18+ pages is the solution to any need for censorship. However, when such things become an expectation, rather than a choice, this wonderful solution so easily veers straight back to the slippery slope of censorship. "Fic authors should tag for noncon" so easily becomes "authors who don't tag for noncon aren't allowed to write noncon at all," which so easily becomes "authors who don't tag for noncon are abusers themselves." And throughout the process, the definition of what constitutes "noncon" will expand and expand and expand. In this way, the impetus is shifted right back from the reader (who can curate their fandom experience) to the author (who becomes responsible for reader discomfort). I am hardly the first to talk about this, nor is this the best way I've seen it described — but it is a problem that concerns me deeply.

In our interpersonal relationships, I think most of us do understand the difference and agree on the issue. For example, I am triggered by animal death or harm. If I see too much related to the subject, I will be caught in a depressive episode that can last hours or days or weeks. I avoid movies that involve animals, and I religiously check relevant questions on doesthedogdie.com. However, if my friend comes to me for comfort because her pet cat is dying, I do not shriek at her for not considering my trigger or warning me first. Hell, I don't even ask her to stop. I sit there, and I listen, and I support her, because even though it's a trigger for me, I realize that sometimes in life we can't choose the subjects we encounter. We curate our experiences the times in which we can to make room for the times in which we can't.

AO3's option for "creator chooses not to archive warnings" is not a mistake; it's a feature. And as a creator existing in the current state of fandom, I consider using it more and more every day. Your discomfort with my writing's existence is not my problem, and my writing warns for itself.

#just rambling idk #long post #not SW related #fandom

[skinnypaleangryperson]

There's kind of a theme in Rick and Morty Reddit culture where they tend to make fun of fans who claim to be a fan of the TV show but then complain every single episode or every other episode that the show isn't good anymore and make fun of them for continuing to watch a show that they don't like.

I initially was one of those people that looked down on these people, but now here I am, finding myself to fit into that exact stereotype. And I understand why fans like us exist now.

You can't develop a show that, for the most part, sets up the viewers to be extremely invested in this crazy deranged drunk old man and his traumatized grandson, and the general family dynamic, and to have that be the core of the entire TV show and the point of it, and then to throw in episodes twice at a time or even just once or for half of a season that is just a bunch of gags and ridiculously one off one spin characters and not expect the viewers to feel cheated, especially with the show that is generally as slow in production as much as this one has been.

Even the first episode of this season was a little bit unsatisfying but at least it made sense-it showed Rick hanging out with his friends, and at least someone showing that he's starting to humble himself a little bit so it still made sense overall, we got to see Birdperson, etc. It still felt like a decent episode and it made sense to produce it.

I've never in my life have felt so awkward as a fan of a TV show honestly, because most TV shows are more consistent in their themes than this. For the first time in my life I genuinely do feel a little bit irrationally frustrated and depressed over being a fan of a TV show, and I truly don't think that it's my fault because I was set up to care about a certain theme that this show set up.....just for it to snatch or to rob it away from the entirely of some episodes-THAT THEY TEASE FOR A WEEK BEFOREHAND-at least a good half of the time for a show that only comes out with 10 episodes a year, if even that, as we've seen in the past with the show.

Fans aren't pathetic for being frustrated for being emotionally caught up in a show that swings around worthwhile content that they've been set up to care about to like a piece of meat, and then just to have a bunch of random gags and trash thrown in their face and then to be made fun of sometimes even by the creators themselves (I remember reading an article where Dan Harmon said that he loves to watch his fans cry whenever they get frustrated over the content, which for the most part I find ridiculously immature and pathetic) for being frustrated by it.

I was set up to care about Rick, and to care about Morty, and some parts of the family like Beth and Rick and Jerry and the like. Yes, it is true that it's just a TV show, but it is true that the real world is complete chaos, and I don't see what the point is in cheapening something that has the potential to give people a lot of meaning and connection with others and joy by staying consistent with its theme or at the very least, staying within the general realm of it.

It's not my fault as a consumer if I feel cheated and frustrated viewing the TV show-it's bad writing on the TV shows part. I'm not even usually the kind to even rant about stuff like this, but I truly feel like I've been caught up into a corner where I was cheated or set up into caring about this TV show and expecting for the TV show to play along with me with every single season, but it feels like half the time their intentionally throwing cheap or aimless gags or episodes that genuinely don't really seem to be for anyone-in the sense that I can't think a single person on this earth that would give a damn about an episode about Ice T, much less for the entire episode to revolve around him, and especially when there's only less than a handful of episodes left.

I've never been so dumbfounded as a fan of any piece of media, and I don't think it's my fault in our refuse to blame myself for it. Lol.

It's probably just my autism and my real life personal issues shining through, and I admit to that. I'm also irrationally attached to Rick for a personal reasons. But I've never in my life have ever felt so ridiculously disoriented and frustrated being a fan of literally any piece of media, they're usually all pretty straightforward and consistent about what they're about. The show is so on and off with its content, I almost feel embarrassed to watch the episode next week because of how irrationally frustrated I got about this one being such... Random meaningless trash.

#rick and morty

[alphaofdarkness]

Okay Dany, convince me to ship Kidge. What is the appeal of this ship? (genuinely asking because I've only watched season 1 and I'm curious)

⁉️👀⁉️

Not gonna lie anon, your question caught me off guard at 2am on a Sunday,, I was like 😳

“Oh shit someone's asking me?? About a ship?!” The intimidating question was so real and all I could do was literally go on a feral tirade on why I love Kidge so much and legit made no sense and just kept wondering in between moments of clarity on how I can properly defend myself on why I like the ship 😩 (not that I need to or have too, enough time has passed where I can say,,, just let me ship and be blissfully happy UwU, I do not car e anymore lol)

I will say that I want to keep this brief (as best I can, because heck I went feral just talking to myself on why I like the ship), I’m not the best at explaining things like some other amazing people might in the ship tag. But take what I say with a grain of salt and hope I don’t scare you off with whatever I do type.

**Note: This is not entirely brief liike how I wanted and I hate myself,, feck,,, I failed step one immediately**

Imma do bullet points, thoughts and prayers y'all cause I did my best to explain my chaotic thoughts lol ;;w;;

First and foremost! I definitely recommend that you watch the show in the general scope of a viewer and not just focusing on a ship. I think everyone should and would be aware of that~ but much like my initial watch I wasn’t paying much attention to the show and lore and story because I was distracted~. It wasn’t with Kidge at the time, but it definitely impeded my watch in the beginning as well as me falling off the fandom for a while into season 3-5. Plus, me rushing through those seasons when season 7 was coming around like, blood hell Alpha.

I think it goes without saying because the show is really good and love the found family aspect of it most importantly 👏🏼👏🏼 I am a sob and a fecking mess about this trope and I will forever cry over it.

I highly recommend watching the show in increments too instead of just binging it because you will lose information much faster 😭 and also it is just so fun to look forward to watch it the next day. I had so much fun this month just rewatching the show and am kind of depressed that it’s over lol 😔

Don’t cry because it’s over be happy for the journey (and all the fanfics you can reread again with full, understanding knowledge 😌)

Additionally, it is fun to reflect on the episodes re-watched, to better retain the info, at least for me, I can be slow with digesting new information (especially after so long), but it also made me giddy just talking to myself about the silly or serious shenanigans happening in the episode.

Second of all! I don’t want to convince you to ship Kidge 😩 I want you to convince yourself on why they would be good and cute together from your perspective! 👏🏼👏🏼

I personally think that they just work so well together, and while their initial interactions are short and brief, I love seeing them just standing next to each other or sharing panels during the fight sequences through much of the early seasons! I will say liike season 7 (even season 8) is like a holy grail for Kidge shippers because— 😩👏🏼 AH, took a while to get there, but we made it besties!!

Considering you’ve only seen season 1, I won’t dive into too many spoilers! To the best of my ability, I will say, I tended to focus on where the two stood by one another a lot and how they interacted in their lions and as Voltron and outside of it! ~

1. They both have family members/familial others on the trip to the Kerberos mission and just the whole concept of them looking for their respective familial figures.

Like that’s is the first part of the whole “WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL 😩” the way the two of them are shown to fight tooth and nail to save and go out of their way to figure out where their family members are is just 🤧✨ I truly believe if there was an opportunity to grow and develop them together it would have been over this.

I also find it incredibly fascinating that they are two of the most prominent characters that dive into their backstories in flashback sequences through the seasons ahead (we got a glimpse of Pidge's backstory in season 1 with a few more down the line). And how similar the two are in some of their experiences like school and being bullied and how their familial figures guide them (Shiro to Keith and Matt, and her father, to Pidge).

Hell, all of this could have been played as platonic all the way through or something more. Like I was there for it 👏🏼 I feel like this is a strong cemented stone on why I ship them a lot and keep me going on the potential their relationship could have been if they knew one another before the pilot episode. I just think it would have been cool, two conspiracy theorist bypassing the government to search for the truth!

2. They are literally the right and left arms of Voltron; the sword and shield ✨

I sincerely wish so much that again their relationship could have been developed more in the early seasons with this aspect, especially since we see how developed both Lance and Hunk are with each other (I mean they are literally best friends at the Garrison, I needed most of that with Kidge especially since they would be the opposite to them so it would have great to see them develop together as the arms of Voltron 🤧).

I just think it would have been nice to see it play out on how well they work together on the field and off it. I will say! It isn't all lost, especially into season 3 and like late season 6 and onwards! I say the dynamic of Shiro and Pidge in their lions and as Voltron currently is what kind of develops in Keith and Pidge later! I hope you can make sense of that later on as you keep watching 👀!

3. Other general things about their tropes and personalities just give me more fuel to ship them, such as:

Them both being introverted to heck in their respective ways; the techie nerd and the emo loner like,,, sillies!

I am always someone who loves looking at character color palettes and how they mesh well together; so believe me I lost my mind when Kidge shippers literally came up with Kidgemas cause of their red and green colors and I just *screams* 🌿🔥

I love both their personalities and how similar, yet different, they are to one another in that respect; they both have a drive and fire in them, their sarcasm and jibs to the others is so funny.

I'm not over season 1 episode,,, 2? Of the team training together and like,,, first of all, the two's small spat because Pidge couldn't concentrate during the mental exercise, but literally leaping to her defense when Allura threw food goo at her like,, Ah I just love her sarcasm to Allura then "The princess of what, your not ours--" and i just like go off queen, but also please no fighting 😩 y’all are going to be family ah,,, i love my dysfunctional family so much ya'll

Keith making a face at the action and immediately "Go loose, Pidge" LIKE AH! 👏🏼👏🏼😩😩

But they also have their calm moments of serene clarity and peace that is heighted with their interactions with the other characters as well!

I also noticed how they both tend to be the mature ones in some cases and some situations when around the other or a shared mature figure like Shiro; Keith by like a lot, clearly, but I was increasingly surprised by how Pidge maintained some serious temperament during missions, especially when around Hunk and most definitely around Lance lol (It is funny tho how serious and mildly annoyed she gets to his flirtatious ways, but can also immediately just let her guard down and have giddy fun with him when something catches her interest, it's so cute and hilarious 😌).

I also just love their development through the show of just letting their guard down around the others overtime! Especially with Keith and how his lone wolf personality melts away (believe me I lost my mind at how many sweet moments were between him and Hunk and IM just here crying at how Keith was able to smile and have fun around him 😭 💛❤️ got me all emotional i fecking criED). As well as Pidge with the others, especially after she told them about her true identity and how she wants to be able to work with them better without any secrets (On a side note, I wish there was more moments with Allura and Pidge earlier on ;;;o;;; SHE LEARNED ALTEAN FOR HER AND CORAN AND IM JUST,,, sweetie I love you! YOUR HONOR THEY ARE SISTERS! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼).

Ah shit, is that season 1 or 2? ;;w;; well, she learns it a nice fact! My girl is such a genius like how did she not like,,, move up grades in school, she is so intelligent , i could never. Not gonna lie, I feel like the team wouldn't be as successful with intel if they didn't have her and her tech wizard skills because DAMN.

Also how Keith was so up and arms when Pidge wanted to leave initially like!? Please ;;w;; sir has abandonment issues, please don't leave sweetie (´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀); but also a similar scene occurs, very briefly, later on in reverse :) so take that as you will! It is very small, almost negligible if you aren't paying attention to it.

It is made better by a concluding panel that Kidge shippers just lose their minds over ! (Me, I am kidge shippers and I lost my mind over and over because they are just — *cries and sobs* perfecto!)

Very minor thing, but the height difference (in general im weak in the knees for this) always gets me crying, screaming, throwing up, going feral on the ground. My dearest Pidge, she may gain some legs later in life, but like she is definitely still tiny and I sob, give us short queens some representation because it is so hard out here, and we will kill you (not Allura bending down to her height in that episode she was planning to leave; how NOT to talk to a short person Allura lol 😩)

I think it goes without saying that the whole team, including Keith, are protective of Pidge like as they should be and I just *grins mischievously* can say with confidence that he do 😌

Definitely more of a personal headcanon, and there is a Kidge art of it floating around somewhere in the tag, if they actually had more moments and trained together, but I love Pidge being taught on how to defend herself, especially one on one and like her managing to take down Keith in training and he's just like "⁉️⁉️😳⁉️⁉️” God, I love a woman that can kick my ass trope *chokes*.

I am a sucker for hearing their voices and tone and emotions, so you know for damn well I am listening to them just say the others name in a soft or sarcastic tone lol (I love Steven Yeun's voice, my Glenn 😭, I am a mess for not appreciating Keith before in my initial watch of the show).

Ah, I can go on and off about them, especially about the later seasons but like you're just going to have to take a look of it yourself as you go into it 😌

Once again, I definitely recommend you watch the show for what it is in its storytelling and lore and character development; you can keep a close eyed view of Kidge in the background, but definitely rewind for the moments or stop and pause or rewind for the information given in story.

I hope you enjoyed my nonsense speak and take something away from it or ignore it altogether. I don't mind, I want you, overall, to convince yourself on why you would like to ship Kidge as you watch the show, if at all! We are all here for a fun and good time after the show's initial debut 😌🌿🔥

Have a small doodle of Kidge! My first time drawing them after like 4 1/2 years and I am just,,, yelling at my growth in art and how cute I made them look; mild spoiler, I suppose, of their older selves appearances~ Hope you like! 😌✌🏼

Enjoy your day anon!

#kidge #alpha rambles #alpha howls #voltron #sorry about my nonsense rambling if it makes any sense at all #i love kidge very much they wormed their way into my heart out of nowhere late into the seasons #and I've just love the what could've been should've been-would've been for me