#I think I might be aromantic too. it might just be cuz of how I was treated but

[mikka-minns]

Opinions on characters: Kiryuu Nanami, Saionji Kyouichi, Tatsuki Shiori

Thank you for the ask! Im guessing its for the ask game(the general opinion is included so yeah) Sorry i didnt answer until now😅

Kiryuu Nanami

General opinion: She is everything to me. Her mere existance confirme half of my theories about Anthy and Akio.

She is a queen. She didnt deserve this.

The reason she isnt in the movie is because she realised the truth about Ohtori in time and when things started to go back to their bad nature she was able to leave.

She is the perfect first character to find out about Akio's abuse because she lived with one of his victims, he ruined her life in-directly and was about to make her another one of his victims. Her character and story are perfect, i would change nothing about her.

(i have a big post about her, Anthy and Shadow Girls to write so stay tuned for that)

A ship i love: i cant decide if i like the idea that Nanami is aromantic or a lesbian(so probably both) and i dont have a ship with her i realy love. I like Nanami x Kozue a bit, mostly for the parrallels, but i have my own problems with Kozue(which is its own topic), so im not sure how much i actualy ship it. But then again, most of my Rgu Ships go under "after 15 years of therapy they can actualy date", so... Who know.

A non-romantic relationship i love: her friendship with Utena and Anthy and her friendship with Saionji. I wish she got a chance to apologize to Anthy once they were both in a good place and far away from their brothers. For Saionji, i hope they got to meet after he left Ohtori with Juri and Miki. If he grew as a person(which is necessery for escapong Ohtori) he would be a great big brother. Also, the egg episode realy sells me the idea he is her brother figure. "No appreciation for brotherly advice".

A NOTP: Nanami x Touga and Nanami x Akio(OBVIOUSLY). I havent seen anyone ship it and GOOD. That is a one way ticket to hell. I Also dont like Nanami x Saionji, but thats mostly personal opinion cuz i see them as siblings. Might Also be the age gap but idk.

My biggest headcanon about them: as i said, SHE LEFT THE OHTORI NOT LONG AFTER THE SERIES FINALE! She is also an animal person but is not used to them because of her family(cats trigger he trauma too). Once she and Anthy make up, BECAUSE THEY WILL, Anthy  lets her spend time with her animal friends, maybe even helps her adopt an animal of her own.

An idea for fanfiction: Nanami meeting with everyone from Ohtori after they escape, exploring their relationships once they arent under control of their abusers.

(this one is in my WIPs, i Just have to finish it) Weed bride. Anthy and Nanami smoke blunts together along with everyone else. They Also take over Ohtori. I dont wanna spoil anything.

Something that makes me think of them:

Songs "Oh no!" and "Family jewels" by Marina and the diamonds, "allies or Enemies"(about her and Touga) and "Take me to War" by crane wives. And a few more but this is on the top of my mind.

Kyouichi Saionji

General opinion: He was the perfect first antagonists for the series. He is so pathetic, no one takes him seriusly, which is a perfect foil to Akio being adored and trusted by many characters.

He most likely isn pure evil as he is still a child, but he should defenetly be taken responsible for his actions(abuse of Anthy).

A ship i love: touga x Saionji but ONLY AFTER 20, NO, 40 YEARS OF THERAPY! They both hurt each other, they should solve their problems. I wish we saw Saionji's Thoughts about Touga in the movie, but hey, we cant have everything.

A non-romantic relationship that i love: as i said, he would make a great brother to Nanami. As i doubt either of them will ever see Touga again, they could help each other with the trauma. Saionji defenetly has family problems, everyone does in Ohtori.

I also like his friendship with Wakaba, i dont ship them tbh. I feel like she can put him in his place with ease(she beat Utena up as a petty joke).

Not realy a positive relationship, but his rivalry with Utena is very intresting. He is like a trashy version of her. Their straight love intrests are each other's real crushes, but they project. This would all be solved if the world wasnt homophobic. I want them to fight, middle-school-girl style cuz Saionji would get his ass handed to him.

A NOTP: saionji x Akio (OBVIOUSLY) and Saionji x Nanami (again, its just my personal preference)

My biggest headcanon about them: he projected Touga onto Anthy. Thats what kinda stings about how he treated her. Its obvious that relationship was going nowhere, but he never even liked her for her and so it was Just cruel.

He feels as if he isnt good enough for people around him and was at some point jealous about Touga's relationship with Akio cuz it seemed like Touga was so much more mature that he was getting attention of another adult.(angsty i know, but its based on reality)

A fanfic idea: him and Nanami meeting again(as you can see, im very normal a out them)

Maybe an AU where he and Touga dont go so off the edge ti become the pricks they are in the canon and instead Run away with Nanami and live as a little family(THIS SHOW HURT ME, OKAY)

In weed bride, Anthy wrecks his shit cuz he was with Touga and she was about to end Touga so obviously he will get some too. (that fic is Just pure crack)

Tatsuki Shiori

Something that Reminds me of them: tbh i cant think of anything right now.

General opinion: gurlfailiure. I love her. Just another child in a cruel world. She only had the worst adults to look up to and so she hurt the Ones she loved the most. She has room to grow and redeemed herself, she is only a child after all.

I think her place in the movie was great because of that. (i think her role was methaphore for what happend after the series finale, Just like with everyone else)

A ship that i love: i like Juri x Shiori and kinda Shiori x Kozue(both girls are disasters) but i wouldnt say i love either of those. Again, years of therapy, then they can get bitches.

A non-romantic relationship i love: not sure

Maybe her relationship with Touga cuz i dont see it as a real romance. I like it for the narrative(its not realy healthy) and how we found out a lot about Touga trough it.

I think her relationship with Ruka was a perfect example of an older guy messing with a younger girl. Toxic and cruel.

A NOTP: Shiori x Akio (look i have to make sure its known i do not unde any circumstances support these Ships) and Shiori x Ruka(he is an abusive asshole. A mini Akio, if you will)

My biggest headcanon about them: she is queer and full of internalised homophobia. She loved Juri but she is Just another pawn in Akio's game and so she could do nothing but hurt her. I dont think they made up after the end of the movie, im not even sure Shiori escaped, so idk if they even met after.

She liked Touga less because he is a prince and more because he is like a rose bride(like her, in a way) but is not a girl so its fiiine(side eye).

A fanfic idea: i dont have any right now

Maybe exploring her movie role and/or her mindset trough a fanfic?

Something that Reminds me of them: again, not sure.

#shiori takatsuki #kyouichi saionji #Kiryuu nanami #nanami kiryuu #saionji kyouichi #takatsuki shiori #touga kiryuu #Cuz he plauged this post with his importance to the story #So ig i should tag him too #Revolutionary girl utena #Adolescence of utena #shoujo kakumei utena

[brutal-nemesis]

Feel free to ignore this and im sorry if i word it poorly, but I'm asking because I'm genuinely curious and want to learn as I don't know any aroace people in real life! You said you have a boyfriend, but you don't feel romantic attraction. How does that change having a friend vs having a boyfriend?

No worries I'm happy to talk about it!! This might get kinda rambly but oh well shove it under readmore so i can talk forever

So I think for my boyfriend, I think it's just like more intense platonic feelings? The sorts of things I want to do with him are things I would be fine doing with someone else, if that makes sense. Cuz a lot of aromantics/aro-adjacent people struggle with telling the difference between romantic and platonic attraction, myself included. At some point I defined romantic as wanting to do certain things with Them and Only Them, while platonic is like I would prefer to do xyz thing with them but if I did it with someone else it wouldn't be weird. "Doing things" in this case ranges from eating a meal together to cuddling (for me things don't go beyond that physically). Idk if I explained it well enough but that's the definition I use for myself.

So like I still love him and care about him a lot and everything but it's not quite the same way he loves me (he's straight). I at least can sense a sort of difference in how we feel about each other, idk if he can, but it makes me more certain that my feelings for him aren't romantic, and that is okay. He's known I'm aroace since before we started dating (he was super scared to ask me out because of it rip bozo) so we've always been on the same page about all of that.

And you're probably wondering why I did agree to go out with him if I don't have romantic feelings for him. For starters, I've never been opposed to the idea of having a partner, but it was more of a "if it happens great and if not that's fine too" kinda vibe. In the months before we started dating we'd gotten really close as friends and did some cuddling because that shit can totally be platonic yk. He caught feelings somewhere along the way cuz Straight and when he asked I said yes cuz I do want to be with him. I wanna hang out all the time and go for hikes and watch Ghost Files and make dinner together and let him have some of my ice cream.

I could do those things with someone else and still have fun, but I'd rather do them with him. So it's platonic, in my eyes, but it's still very much love.

#wow an ask #anon #nemi's vibes #ig idk how to categorize this #not whump #oh wait funny colored tag #aromantic #yaaaaaahhhh #but uh yeah np i am always open to questions about whatever #cuz if it comes from an honest place of wanting to learn then im happy to explain whatever stupid thing #(i say this like i didnt cry laughing last night because we had to explain to one of my friends what ''bottom energy'' meant) #(he genuinely did not know. i sobbed. innocent man who probably has autism i love him) #(tbf this guy has a history of Not Knowing Things because the texas education system will do that to ya 😔) #enough about him tho. i am happy to answer questions!!

[saltynsassy31]

💓❣️💀 and if you want 💘 :3

I'm gonna stick to Skipper, Cherry, Orca and Zefron since they're the only ones I have planned out XD (I might add other ocs if I remember something about them)

💓

Skipper: He would try to hide it and be dismissive about it whenever it is brought up, he starts to distance himself from the person he's gotten feelings for, acting more awkward because he doesn't know how to deal with love, especially since he's never gotten the chance to.... I mean, he has, but he lost that person before he could fully realise he had feelings for them, which is why he makes himself be so dismissive of the feelings, he associates the feeling of love with tragedy. So if he starts being angrier or dismissive of you, slowly parting ways (he isn't downright cruel or bullies you, ew, just starts being more distance, it will seem he hates you though 💀💀), but on the flip side, he'll try to make you happy in other ways to compensate his lack of presence, you won't know that it's him, but small gifts and keeping bad luck from reaching you from the background, if you feel "very lucky today" and you know him, it might be him.

Cherry: she's usually flirty and seductive as default, the moment she starts treating you kinder and more soft romantic rather and sexy romantic (like buying flowers and gifts, remembering things you've told her, etc.), yeah, she head over heals for you, she'll still act flirty and teasing, that's just how she is, but add to it, ya know?

If she stops acting flirty with you all together besides a few jokes though, she sees you as family/a friend (which is the case for Skipper, who she sees as a little brother)

Orca: he becomes a tsundere, I don't think there is any other way to put it lmao

Zefron: I'm pretty sure he might be aromamtic, cuz I can't imagine him catching feelings XD despite me being a hopeless romantic and making pairings for all, I just imagine him with Orca forever but in a platonic bromance way (I say this as an aromantic person who struggles understating romance lol)

❣

Skipper: acts of service, protecting you like a fucking guard dog istg-

Cherry: words of affirmation, physical affection

Orca: acts of service

Zefron: gift giving

💘

I'm gonna be only talking bout Skipper and Orca here since they're the only ones who have partners lol (Cherry is still....debatable, my sister ships her with N-pacer, but I haven't made it canon yet)

Skipper: He thinks Emperor is too good for him, he's simply amazing but also he's really stupid, which is strangely endearing, he first found him arrogant and a rich, privileged prick

But as he got to know him, he found his determination to be a better leader admirable and he finds little things he does like be super curious and excited sbout minute (to him at least) things such as cooking and such.

In other words, he finds his curiosity and determination to be admirable and he loves that about him, makes him almost want to be better himself

Orca: Now, I haven't thought a lot about him and Ocho, I'll be honest, it's only been him and Zefron in my mind (I almost wanna pair them together as a queen platonic relationship istg, Orca isn't aromantic tho)

So I'll be talking about the two fir both scenarios

He finds Ocho annoying, really annoying, but at the same time he, begrudgingly, finds it cute when he tries to be all tough, he also likes how strong Ocho is, being a trained soldier himself plus a grizzco worker, he finds that to be a good quality in someone

And Zefron....yeah, Orca is a moronsexual I'll just say that, he likes em dumb sometime XD everytime Zefron does something stupid he's like "fuck yes, but also don't eat that-"

#salty rants #salty answers #ask box #splatoon oc

[cerulean-chanterelle]

aro-ace blog post 3: dykefaggot

i'll be honest it has been more than half a year since the last actual blog post here, so if i cover something i've already covered then... nuh uh.

so what i want to talk about tonight is, again, my sexuality, but rlly i want to talk about sex and masturbation. or rather, i'd like to talk about what i mean by calling myself dykefaggot, or the sluttiest aro-ace around and things like that.

as it is known, i'm a big virgin. i am, at the end of the day, a sex averse aro-ace. i have never had sex, seen someone else in person naked in a sexual setting, kissed anyone on the lips, etc. and if i do ever have sex itll probs be some real fag shit that will either not actually be sex or just be way too much sex that it loops back round to virginity or some shit like that. i'm just that kinda girl, you see.

anyway, so no matter if i'm sex averse, i'm still a kinky ace, and find pleasure in all manner of things found on kinksheets and bdsm tests. however this often manifests in what i call 'faceless hands' wherein i perceive a sexual experience/kink/fantasy as not technically being perpetrated by anyone to me, with only the vague illusion of s body acting on my skin. no faces, not of people i know or don't, not conceived of a sleeping mind, just no. i can imagine the sensation of being fucked, of cnc or getting pegged, or fingered in an abandoned train tunnel (obvs these are sub examples but personally i feel more comfy describing myself as switch, or at least having that energy and ability to dom. hypothetically, of course.) without that pleasure being at the hands of an actual partner as such.

and so i describe myself as whore and as slut, cuz when i masturbate, an occurrence that might go from daily to me forgetting for a fortnight, its generally an intense affair. i might dress up, often i'll auto-aphyxiate and use makeshift clamps for my skin and nips, or fuck myself whilst reading tumblr nsft posts or watching porn (wayyyy more often nsfw art then actual ppl cuz like 80% of the time real ppl just make me uncomfy). and to be blank, i like to think of myself in a sexual manner on occassion, especially now that e is giving me a body im happy is mine. i like taking photos that noone else will ever see. i like the feeling of growls just for myself, of music in my ears and cool air on my skin. i like the feel of cool steel of the dull side of a blade on my neck, of a vibrator edging me. i like dressing with skin showing, of chains about me like a 70's butch, my body a blocky shape that reflects a dual gender perfectly.

i call myself dykefaggot, because i love men and women and both and neither in form and demeanour and beauty.

i call myself slut because i know the feel of leather and steel and a breathless moaning on a moonlit night.

im aromantic asexual, i'm bigender. but i'm a whore and a slut, a dyke and a fag.

i might be a virgin all my life, but im the only person i ever need to know how to fuck.

goodnight queers, much love.

[pridelessdaydreamer]

PLOTTER / SHIPPER

taken from: nat's linoan!

tagging: flutters my lashes like a funny lil guy :eye::sparkles:

1. CONNECTIONS

write about how our muses could connect with each other! ex. what does your muse like to do that other people would be involved in? do they have interests that other people might share?

Linhardt is a Black Eagle, and one native to Fódlan. Any who decide to study the politics of the continent would easily stumble upon his house, and connections can be drawn from there (accurate or otherwise).

She is a frequenter of the library though, even if she's most often found there late at night. Aside from her chronic reading, she also likes to fish! Not competitively though. She's not that competitive.

If you can't find them in class, the library, or at the Fishing Grounds though, just wander around the monastery a bit—they're probably asleep underneath a tree somewhere. Or in their room asleep, in which case, good luck finding them.

2. PLATONIC

write about your muse and their concept of friendship. ex. how is your muse like with friends? do they make friends easily or do they find it difficult to connect with others?

Friendship for Lin is... interesting, to say the least. They'll regard you much the same as they would any other person, but perhaps with slightly less rudeness/sass (unless you're really close, then it's worse *cough cough* CASPAR *cough cough*). The chance of summoning them with the click of your heels increases by 0.5%, so that's also a neat bonus! Really, the big thing is that they'll consciously worry about you now (when they think it's necessary to worry, otherwise, you're on your own).

The thing is, once you actually manage to pin him down, so long as you aren't asking him to do work all the time, you'd be pretty alright in his book! The threshold for 'friendship' though is rather hard to pin down—one day you're acquaintances and the next you're friends. It's not really easy to draw the line.

I can't say she makes friends easily considering she... doesn't exactly try, to be quite frank (it's part of the reason the previous bullet is so nebulous). She'd be completely content being alone forever (minus that one hamster), and she doesn't really rely on others that much except to do work she'd rather not do! Actively seeking out a friend isn't really something she does. I can't say she struggles either though—there is simply no effort made at all. Alas.

3. ANTAGONISTIC

write about your muse and the conflicts they have with other people. ex: who are they on bad terms with? what kind of people do they not get along well with? how do they act around people they don’t like?

Hubert. Also Ferdinand. Edelgard to an extent. Caspar sometimes (it's a best friends thing) /j. Yeah. Yeah.

To elaborate, anybody who expects her to put in more than the minimum amount of effort gotta be joking fr! It's not that bad if it's a misunderstanding, but if you try to force it? Yikes. (Edelgard ain't that bad fr cuz she knows when to quit! Also when to appeal. She's cool ong)

Admittedly, antagonism for Linhardt is basically the same as their normal behavior, just snarkier. More witty rebuttals and sharp comments—this man can never be anything but blunt! They're already very likely to just walk away from a conversation, but if they don't like you? Ohoho!

Won't lose sleep over it though. That's a bit too much.

4. ROMANTIC

write about your muse and their relationship with romance. ex. are they searching for love or not interested in it in the slightest? what’s their dating history like? how do they act around crushes? how would they treat their partner if they were in a relationship?

Okay 'cause this is hilarious when the muse is aromantic gwahaha!

This is an aroace lil guy—completely disinterested in romance for romance's sake (because someone tell me how he tells how many different girls they're gonna have kids together in his A-supports? Also in basically every instance it's got something to do with crests and studying them. He's a bit insane).

Their dating history is completely blank. There is actually nothing to see here.

Similarly, there are no crushes for her to act different around! This one is fairly normal (<- this post was brought to you by the Aspec Gang)

As for how he'd treat his partner if he was dating—the same way he would act if they were friends? lol? Literally nothing has changed in his mind except that there might be kisses or something. (Is there a book he can read somewhere on this? Probably.)

Oh well she's probably gonna get married off for political purposes anyway. (This post was brought to you by the Noble Clique.)

#[‘practice does make perfect.’] (meta content) #[‘that was a weird dream…’] (ooc) #// hey guys #// do you remember that linhardt pre-ts cipher that totally exists???? #// not the eepy one but the one i cropped for this!!! #// (i am joke jape jesting fr btw) #// man this was fun to fill out GWAHAHA!!!! #// anyways now i gotta figure out who's next :thinking:

[aroaceconfessions]

i’m aroace. went on a beach camping trip with my aromantic gay friend 2 weeks ago. we slept in a tent overnight. i’ve never had a sleepover before nor camped before nor ever slept in a tent nor made a fire before, so it was a bunch of firsts for me. but my friend was super supportive and it was fun. we took a midnight lantern hike to the beach, too. it was great. that night we slept in the tent and i remember waking up at like 3am with this desire to cuddle with my friend. but it was a hot night (like 80F) and i didn’t feel like waking him up to ask for permission. so i rolled over and fell back asleep. after the camping trip he dropped me off at home and he initiated a brief hug goodbye. i haven’t told him that i want more physical contact. just cuz i don’t want to give him the wrong idea. idk. what do i tell him? do i even mention wanting to cuddle with him at 3am? i just don’t wanna make him uncomfy. and maybe he’ll think i’m not aroace anymore if i want to cuddle. i just don’t wanna make him think that i fell in love with him and i have THOSE KINDS of feelings for him. when i don’t. and he’s been struggling for months trying and failing to find a boyfriend. and he’s been telling me how hard it is. how he wants to be loved by a boy for who he is. and i don’t want to add to those struggles. he’s a good guy who doesn’t deserve to have my feelings added to his struggling love life. ugh. i’m just paranoid i’ll come off the wrong way. and i might ruin our friendship by wanting more. i don’t want to mess it up between us. :(

#aromantic #asexual #aroace #arospec #acespec #aspec #aroacespec #arose #intimacy #friends #friendship

[the-orangeauthor]

Hi Ammol!

Since you've mentioned loving Grey's anatomy I wanted to ask you about something.

What do you think ot Cristina and Owen as a couple?

Personally I'm hating them together, especially since Owen isn't trying to see Cristina for who she is ( not wanting kids or not wanting to be a mother).

Seeing Cristina telling him all that and him reacting by saying "You might change ur opinion" is such a jerk move. Its one of the tropes I hate most cuz it invalidates aro and ace ppl esp when said ppl don't want kids.

(Its a personal headcanon of mine that Cristina is on the aromantic spectrum).

Ngl I've never seen the appeal of Hunt as a character.

Hi!!!

Ooo you want me to talk about Owen??? You’ve unlocked a rant.

Owen had the potential to be a great character - obscure, military background, a little badass in his initial debut to the show, the slightly dismissive attitude was kinda enticing at first but boy did it go downhill real quick.

I can’t fault him on his ptsd related issues because he was in a war after all and mental health is a thing we care about, but the rest of his ideals and treatment of Christina??? No. She deserves better than Owen.

Christina has already been through the spiel with Burke. Big macho man who falls in love with a dominant woman but then expect her to change. It’s ridiculous!! I also see Christina as being aro/ace or at least someone who needs to form deep connections before falling in love / becoming romantically involved, and it’s such a shame that she was robbed of that as soon as she starts to get comfortable.

She loved Burke through his hand troubles and Owen through his PTSD but they both want her / expect her to change and it’s so unfair. I don’t know far you are into their relationship but boy does it get worse and you will absolutely want to destroy Owen and you are 10000% valid for it.

I do wish they had gone in the original sexy charismatic version I thought we were gonna get, just for the sake of seeing Christina actually be accepted by someone who wasnt waiting for her to give in to her ‘natural biological urges’ and was willing to give her unconditional love as a career driven, self loving, independent and child free woman who still loved so so deeply. She is literally such a caring person, you can see it in her love for Meredith, the way she interacts with the others, she may be a hard ass on the surface but Christina Yang is capable of true love and I will live and die by the fact that her and Meredith are soulmates and Meredith is probably the only one who will ever truly accept Christina as she is.

So yeah - Owen Hunt, I hate him too and this is a Hunt hating friendly space. I also believe that if they let him keep his Scottish accent it would have made his character more likeable because why not!!

Feel free to let me know how far you are in the show so I don’t give spoilers and I will happily rant some more - for instance, have you met Teddy Altman yet?? There’s so much to unpack there

#anmol answers #greys anatomy #I was going to go to bed #but this popped up #and my god #I will bash Owen to anyone who listens

[self-h-rmageddon]

ramble about my aromantic tendencies cuz im all. confused im SURE theres a word for this i just think im not ready??? i think like. not in a personal way, in a PHYSICAL way like something needs to change before id ever CONSIDER IT, makes me sick otherwise like theres so many things!! so many hurdles and stuff that would deter me from all that nonsense but i still like the idea of it like the idea is so sweet, its why i enjoy it so much in fiction but. in execution? IDK MAN.. freaks me out for so many reasons

romantic love is so cute bro like. its genuinely adorable to me, i love listening to love songs and just feeling the emotion and passion behind all the words, but ummmmmmm. i think realistically im capable? i just think that any attempt wouldnt go well, i dont think i can give someone what they might need, its always been like. okay 1. im going to be OBSESSED with you ill do anything you say ill let you mistreat and abuse me ill do anything for you okay which is not ideal!! not ideal, made for bad people dont want bad people. but?? on the other hand its also like i cant imagine loving another person more than i love my friends, but thats whats expected of me isnt it? i think they wouldnt like it very much if i had an equal amount but like. is it even possible? I REALLY DONT KNOW.. i know ive said it before, i just feel like. love, not platonic not romantic just LOVE pure unlabeled love. what kind of treatment would i give to a partner that i dont already give to my friends? itd go really wrong there im sure, i dont wanna hurt anybody yknow

idk its like such a cute little fantasy tho isnt it? maybe i meet someone and we become friends and then it leads to something more, is going on dates fun? maybe it would be but. i go on dates with my friends!!!!!! like is it different? i guess, but im out with someone i love i dont see how it could be much different

sometimes it feels like people like me dont get that. its hard to be good enough for someone else, like. i know theres like 8 billion people in the world but its always. im too fat im trans im not hot enough im too mentally ill im too awkward too. TOO EVERYTHING!! so on top of like. how can someone possible be more than what i already have, i have to be good enough too!!!!! so much work, i honestly. after brian, i was so content to just fall back on fictional characters, i know it sounds silly but self shipping LITERALLY saved my life i was hanging by a thread after him and then i found a coping mechanism that made me feel so good

i think its uncertainty, when it comes to fictional relationship? i make the rules, the scenarios, its perfect for me but. in real life you cant do that, im thrown in BLIND. i know its part of life, you learn and grow together but erm... im autistic please dont do this to me PLEASE if i plan out my conversation at a grocery store with the clerk and im STILL THROWN OFF... yeeowch!!

thats the thing im very offputting to other people like. something about me, i can see it in their eyes, see the way they kinda. like im. somethings all wrong with me!!!! they dont like it, i cant imagine myself being charming but.. maybe if i start T, ill be less. dreadfully anxious about seeing other people, then maybe ill flourish a little more. we'll see, it still freaks me out the thought of loving someone more than my friends like TO ME i dont think its possible and i dont want to find out about it okay it makes me sick it feels like betrayal, never tell me otherwise or ill feel awful, its betrayal to me!!!! cuz i want to give my friends the most i can give, they deserve it, so like. what, am i supposed to give less? give someone else more?? like ew who are you1!!! i dont need you i just need my besties thats all i need :] but its still a nice thought isnt it? its cute

i think i just have like a limit on the amount of people i can know at one time, ive always wanted more friends and i have more friends now!! sooo i dont realy need anyone else then? its very easy for me to feel satisfied with what i have, of course i am!!! grateful even!!!! so im like. it just doesnt matter so much to me. nice thought but i dont see it happening like i dont really WANT it to happen like i do but also. like. listen.

am i still gonna throw down to little love songs? absolutely yes sir!! to me tho like its feelings i can easily project onto my friends SKFJS like how me and my bestie kiss eachother on the head okay. because i loooooove them, its so easy because i love them!! its a love song, i dont care what kind of love its made for, i feel love and ill hear it how i want :] ITS. its some weird social bullshit okay, who says we cant? who says we cant go on little friend dates and kiss and hug and be in love with eachother while also being JUST friends? WHO SAYS!!!! its what i dont get, theres some disconnect between romantic and platonic love that i dont see at all. why should one be more valued than the other? hogwash okay its gobbledygook its. nonsense!!! im glad i dont see it that way, the hard part is finding other people who also dont see it that way, i realize my feelings on it arent STANDARD.. still, im satisfied. i have a lot of love to give and im always allowed to give it, isnt that so wonderful?

#i said like 34 times here #very californian of me #this is some crazy bpd moodswing shit alright i know i sound very whimsical here but #watch me crash in like 20 minutes into the deepest darkest depression ever witnessed #maybe ill survive actually. its hard to feel very upbeat at all given the circumstance #this is the lightest ive felt since he went missing #it will not last. why would it

[aroace-cat-lady]

hi

i have been questioning myself for the past days after a talk with some of my queer friends. and honestly i don’t know what to do about it, i don’t feel comfortable with talking to them until i am sure about my feelings about being in the aromantic spectrum.

i have never thought about it honestly because i didn’t even knew about aromantic until last week. i guess the hardest part for me it’s that even tho i am 22 and have plenty opportunities to date and even have sex, i have never did any of those. i have sexual feelings and feel sexual atrattion, but i have been questioning about having romantic feelings.

i like romance, i like romantic books, movies and songs, but every time romance stand in my way I run away from it… at first I thought “well it’s clearly trauma cause I don’t want to end up like my mom” but honestly it doesn’t makes sense since I do believe that love it’s real and you can find someone who actually respect you.

i had crushes before but now that I think about i think i only truly like one person in my life, and honestly i think he is the only person who i would be actually able to have a relationship with, even if I don’t have a close friendship with him anymore. the lasts two times i became close to actually date people i ran away in the moment it became too real for me, and the funny thing it’s: i honestly thought I was in love with one of them only to literally switch to feel nothing out of nowhere.

it’s just always feels like being in love it’s not something that it’s in my true plans… sometimes I do feel I would like to get married and find someone to spend my life with but it’s just so specific?? I think way more about having someone who’s a friend first by my side, a companion in hard days, the romantic side just comes with the important stuff to me.

I do feel I like the idea of being in love, it’s just hard for me and I feel like if I am going to be in a relationship it’s going to take a lot of effort from the man who wants to be with me… and I don’t see it happening…

Am I wrong to feel I am in the spectrum? Is there someone who feels something close to what I am feeling?

Well, first of all: I know how hard it is to write this kind of stuff into the ask box of Random Tumbler User™ (been there done that, actually) so thank you for trusting me with it.

Second: you don't need to figure it out right away. This is not a mortal illness that will kill you if you don't discovered it in time. It's about your identity, a beautiful part of your person. You can take all the time you need, even if you feel that you need to know right this second. It's okay not to be sure.

And third: I'm literally no one to tell you how you can label yourself. Again, sexually is not a disease: I can't tell you Oh, you have x symptoms and x signs so you are x sexuality. Unfortunately, that's not how it works.

But, against whatever internet culture is saying these days, you can label yourself even if you are not 100% sure. Actually, the aspec communities promote this a Lot™. Labels are just a name we put to a part of us that we feel is important to put a name to. Not everyone does it, and not everyone gets it right the first few times. One of my favorite "philosophies" of the aspec community is that you can use a label as long as you feel comfortable with it. Gatekeeping labels is not something we usually do. Thinking you might be x but turning out you were actually y it's not a bad thing. It means you got to know yourself better and got to see parts of you you wouldn't have seen otherwise.

Do I think you might be aro? Well, it doesn't matter in the end what I think, only you can decide if you want to call yourself an aromantic person. And I'm sorry I can't give you a straight answer, I know how frustrating it's. But if you decide to join our community, we'll be glad to have you.

Aromanticism and asexuality are particularly hard to figure out cuz ppl usually don't know what they are. Or have misconceptions of it. Or have an ideology that tells them that it's wrong not to have these feelings. At least to me, it was hard to accept myself for who I was because of these.

Well anon, again, Im sorry I couldn't give you a better answer. I hope this helps you at least a little bit, and that you don't beat yourself too hard with this.

#anon

[pickle-the-lad]

Sooo... I think I'm aroace, I have a lot of info I want to share.

CW: I touch on sexual topics, my intrusive thoughts, and purely internalized aphobia. So if any of that makes you uncomfortable, feel free to not read💖

So, I've been questioning my orientation for a bit and I think I might be aroace. But because back when me and my siblings were still figuring out what Ace was: they said it would be impossible for me to be ace cuz of my fascination with sex. Although they no longer have that standpoint, the ones of the past put me in a similar situation like when my trans-egg started hatching.

"There's no way so many siblings would be the same way."

"I'm just overthinking things, I'm obviously not."

"I just need therapy to be comfortable with [insult current cause of discomfort]"

So I made a list, and shared it to reddit:

I find the most everyone attractive, and a lot of people I want to touch, but tbh I wouldn't want to have sex with them.

I have fetishes and kinks, and although I seem interested in actually acting upon these fantasies, when it becomes an actual possibility I get very uncomfortable…

I've dated five people and every sexual act I did with them either traumatized me and/or was purely out of fascination. I found it interesting how people reacted to sorten scenarios, and tbh fascinated that they enjoyed it. And in the situations I've always felt like a robot or an alien observing human mating rituals.

The only person I thought I fell in love with, was actually the first person I could be myself around so I could learn to love myself. I like who I was with them.

When I first started dating I would be lying if I said I fully understood that it was more than extra ✨friendly friends✨…

I like the idea of all the couple things, but wish but it didn't seem to acquire a more intimate connection.

When I think of having a polyamorous relationship, it's more of a group of very close and cuddly friends.

I love writing and reading romances. I write and read erotica. But 9 times out of 10 if I'm writing a story I either the main character or the romantic interest is asexual, and if it's not a romance: the main character is aromantic too. And those are the stories I get the most excited about!

I've always waide the pros and cons of romantic relationships, being purely analytical. Only weighing in emotion when I remembered, then it was "I find them aesthetically pleasing and I enjoyed the company and cuddles."

I wanted someone to call me the boyfriend, I'm not sure if I want the indications behind such a statement.

I don't want to feel like I have to be in love to hold someone in a non-sexual way. I don't want being close to someone to automatically mean "sexual tension" (Yes, I've been called a tease because I only like foreplay.)

And a nice redditer sent this

(there is a romantic vorien of all of these)

They said I sound black stripes ace and I agree ✨ and I think I specifically fluctuate between apothisexual and ilculasexual under that umbrella.

And I'm possibly cupioromantic too.

So yeah! Aroace 🖤💜🤍💚

Thank you, reddit ✨💕

#cw: intrusive thoughts #cw: sex mention #aroace #aromantic spectrum #asexual spectrum #coming out

[zackieboyo]

I wanna let you guys know beforehand, Fansworld is gonna have, like- ships and shit 😳

Main characters are straight gay up gonna h*ld h*nds in this series.

Everyone is queer too.

This was a decision I made before I decided "fuck Matt Hard-Rock-Nick lol" cuz I'm queer asf and looking for representation but I just think it's perfect cuz Matt loves to scream about how "straight" the characters are when:

•Edd shows no hesitation to going on a straight up date with Matt and letting Matt "bite his neck" afterwards 😳

•Matt had sex with a MALE clone of himself, and is literally in love with himself. Not a girl version of himself, just- himself. sus asf

•Tom is Tom.

•Tord in The End literally calls Matt his "brave soldier" in the most "are you lost, baby girl~?" voice ever ASKSKSKSK-

And you, Matt IHaveADream, call these men STRAIGHT-?! HUHHH?? THESE BITCHES QUEER! NO DENYING!! 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

There might be some cross-shipping, some OC x Canon shipping, some poly neighbors shipping. In fact, fuck you. Every ship will have some sort of fuel to it, even if it's a small thing, just to piss Matt H. and Bing off lol

In fact, lemme list their(CANON /j) sexualities and queer identities rn for you:

Edd: Pansexual

Tom: Demisexual

Matt: he don't know yet fam give him time 😩

Tord: Bisexual

Eduardo: Ace(Panromantic), polyam

Jon: Homosexual, polyam

Mark: Bisexual, polyam

Todd: Demisexual(Biromantic), polyam

Patryck: Bi-curious/Homosexual

Paul: Queer/no label

Laurel: Asexual(Aromantic)

Bing and Larry are fucking married and Bing says "fuck gender, I am mad scientist" and is enby(any pronouns)

Also Tom and Todd are both afab. Tom is a demiboy and uses he/they, Todd is ftm, uses he/him.

Tord is a cis dude but you can use ANY pronouns you want for him, he doesn't care

Matt might try out he/they but he's not enby, just cis boy who likes they/them pronouns as much as he/him

Ftm Larry check? Amab Bing, afab Larry. Enby Bing, Trans man Larry.

Fuck you, Matt HazbinHotel. The Eddsworld characters are ALL QUEER. What are you gonna do about it? Sue me? Lmao. I'll just be sitting here drawing Matt EW and Tord EW making out while you "file" that "lawsuit" 😩

#fansworld #ewe #ewfs #eddsworld #ew discourse #matt hargreaves #this is a shitpost but also canon?? #this is the gay eddsworld masterpost #text post #it gets more like a shitpost the more you read it #i haven't had proper sleep in a while #idk what tags to put I- 😶 #i was scared to post this and had it private for a while but I'm ready now lol

[mittensmorgul]

Incoming sad rant about the spn ending. Don't read if you're not interested in reading something like that, but I literally don't know anyone in real life I can talk about this with, and I really need an outlet:

Sometimes I can put the way SPN ended out of my head and think "it's just a stupid show. I don't have to accept the finale, and the writers/network are wrong." But other times I just get gripped with really intense sadness at the disrespect that was done to my favorite characters. To the point where I'll sit still for hours a day, just wallowing in it. It ruins my whole day and mood. And then I think to myself "I'll just find some other stories that end better!" but then I get sad again, cuz I don't think I will ever love other characters as much as I love Dean and Cas, and then I spiral again thinking about all the potential this unique beautiful love story had, and how we're never going to get the closure we deserve.

I really hate that after all this time, I'm a grown ass adult getting sad over fictional characters. I know it's not that trivial, but I sometimes wish it was so I could get over it 😞

Hi hi, and first of all *socially distanced internet hugs* I’m sorry you don’t have an outlet, but you’re always welcome to chat with me (if you come off anon we can talk privately if you want. My DM’s are always open, even when it takes me a bit to reply. no one should have to feel alone in this.)

I’m actually gonna start at the bottom of your message and work my way up, because I also, as a grown-ass adult, get sad over fictional characters. And I need to emphasize that this is the *point* of fiction. A well-written and developed fictional character is *indistinguishable in our minds from an actual real human being.* The way we react to them *feels exactly the same to our brains and bodies* as how we react to real people, and that’s a testament to just how well developed Dean and Cas were in canon.

I am not a young person. I have engaged with a lot of media over my life, and have *never* felt this strongly about fictional characters before, so I understand what you mean when you struggle to think about finding another story that ended better, or struggle to think about finding other characters you might become this attached to or experience this sort of emotional investment in. And I think there is another factor you didn’t consider there: The vast majority of other media I have engaged with, I was able to relate to on a level of “oh that’s nice for them” or “wow that sucks for them.” I have never, and possibly never will again, feel so utterly invested in fictional characters, to the point where it affects my real life as much as Supernatural has. Period.

I will likely never experience *literal physical lovesickness* over two fictional characters ever again. I hadn’t ever experienced it *in my own real life* before, and yet 15.18 triggered all those symptoms in me. As an aromantic person, this was pretty shocking to me. It also says a lot about just how real these characters feel to us, and how important they have become to us. They make us feel this! This is not an accident. It’s *incredibly difficult* to create fictional characters with this range and depth of emotional connection, and yet here we are.

I think that’s the biggest evidence possibly to present in defense of the statement that THIS IS NOT JUST SOME STUPID SHOW.

Other evidence: this fandom, still going strong after 15 years. Look at every SPN convention for proof. Look at AO3, where there are more posted stories about Dean and Cas than literally any other pairing on the planet (by a not-small margin, too). If that isn’t enough evidence, we have fanart to look at as well. Look through @theroadsofararchive where at the time of this posting there are over 40,000 artworks catalogued, and more being added all the time. Same with @canonspngifs where you can search through through nearly 75,000 gifsets organized by an excellent tagging system and made by dedicated fans out of love for the thing. This is all proof that you are not alone, that so many of us care just as deeply about them as you do. Not even mentioning the people who have written hundreds of millions of words of meta, articles, and even masters theses and doctoral dissertations on Supernatural and the fandom. This is a unique thing, even within the larger fandom culture. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that your feelings for it are stupid or irrelevant or wrong.

But also don’t let anyone try to convince you that you must accept the finale as part of the story if you don’t want to. Don’t even let *yourself* believe that if you don’t want to. This show has done more to play with the themes of “what is reality” and “who gives a story meaning” and alternate universes and curses and djinn dreams to easily account for whatever the heck the finale was.

my current go-to theory: everything after Chuck’s defeat takes place in the Mockumentary Alternate Universe... it fits way too uncomfortably well... and then I just apply the fic I received in a cosmic transmission from the actual supernatural universe wrote detailing the events of what *I* hoped would transpire afterward. I know this doesn’t work for everyone, but it works for me, mostly because it *has* to. It means far too much to me not to.

You are not alone in having invested yourself into this story, and these characters. Your feelings about them are not wrong or stupid or frivolous. And the proof is everyone else who feels the same exact way, who connected to this story (and to each other through this story), and whose lives have been forever altered through this journey together. The fact that Dabb turned out to have been Chuck Junior and couldn’t see (or was prevented from showing us) what Team Free Will would’ve chosen to do with that after defeating their original creator just stands to prove to me that the finale can’t possibly be The Truth, you know?

I don’t know if any of this will help you, or provide you some small comfort right now, but maybe it will eventually. We’re all processing the loss of the show and the abject failure of story that was the finale in different ways, and I’m sure our emotional reactions will shift over time. It was just A Lot to process all in the span of a few incredibly emotional weeks-- not even mentioning how all of that emotional response was compounded by the american elections and surrounding nonsense, the general stress of enduring a global pandemic and all that entails, and *waves hands around broadly at everything else contributing to the trauma occurring in the collective of humankind right now.* We’ve all been emotionally compromised, so be kind to yourself in how you feel you’re coping with it all.

And know that no matter what, you are not alone in how you’re feeling. The grief is real, and our brains don’t care if it’s felt for fictional characters or real people. This was honestly a once in a lifetime experience for a lot of us, and not even the wtf of the finale can kill it for us if we don’t let it. I reject that particular piece of rusty rebar and choose to believe in a just and narratively coherent resolution. To do anything less feels like dishonoring the story and characters who have drawn me in and made me feel so much for them over the years. If the story itself couldn’t honor them properly, then I can choose to do so myself.

<3

#spn 15.20 #finale what finale #seriously though none of us are alone in this #Anonymous

[arofluxstuff]

Can i hit you up with something really weird?

TW: relationship-talk, s*x talk, related anxieties, alcohol mention

I need a proper adult’s opinion and someone aromantic asexual (like I am) is likely most helpful on this

So… I tried making my point and I hope my best friend understood that I actually truly meant it when I said if I can have him as a life partner I don’t need to look any further (for a potential queerplatonic relationship) because I’ll be content to settle with him…

And this is where it gets to “you don’t discuss this unless you’re drunk”

Because… while I don’t want to have sex with him - cuz I don’t want to have sex with anyone at all, I’m sex-averse -

I think I wouldn’t mind? Like I don’t like and regret sexual relationships but if it could be a one-time thing I think I might be fine with it…? But I can’t know, all I do know I don’t actively enjoy and effectively don’t seek out sex

Also I’m getting panicky-anxious just thinking about how much a “one time thing” might destroy what relationship I have with him

But I also don’t… I know I can’t be a proper girlfriend

I know and told him I can never offer a proper romantic relationship, even less a sexual-romantic relationship

But … I’m probably just too anxious because I can’t be sure we’re on the same page about what type of relationship we want to have with one another

Despite “yea we’ll move in together, going for long-time housemates and then see what else happens between us”

I just know he was registered on dating apps…

I’m already scared to loose him by turning out nothing like he wants long term and I think I’m exhausting and annoying because of that anxiety

Whoo, bud that is a tangle ain't it? I can definitely relate with your worries, a disclaimer I'm still only eighteen so maybe not a "proper adult" but I'll give you what I think if you care to hear it

I think you should consider whether you're seeking a monogamous relationship with him first of all because if you want that you should probably tell him so so that he isn't seeking out other people on apps, clearly define what you want to be to one another and what activities your comfortable with, communication is key for a QPR because they are by nature defined only by the people participating

Secondly, I understand the fear of him leaving because you aren't fulfilling what he want from a relationship but I wouldn't suggest having sex if its not something you see yourself enjoying, that's just hurting yourself and you don't deserve that

Thirdly, and this is entirely up to you but maybe consider polyamory? That way you and he can have the sort of relationship you want with each other but he can also seek out people who want to be in other sorts of relationships with him (and hey you could get more qpps if you want which is super fun) of course if that's not something you're comfortable with, Ignore this entirely, no pressure, just a thought

Mainly I'd say, be gentle with yourself and respect your own boundaries enough to show him where they are

#aromantic #asexual #queerplatonic #qpr

[prinxlyart]

just any individual toh character hc would SLAP. mebbe ur thoughts on the twins idk this is vague

Nah it’s cool, I can dig it let’s do this

I only put this under a line break cuz it got so long oops lol

Emira:

Defo has a stutter that she went through a lot of intensive and grueling speech therapy sessions for (when she was about 7 years old) that she hated. Amity and Edric both know this and know it’s a sensitive topic for her. They’ll tease her lightly about it, but never in front of anyone else and they know where to draw the line. In my last Vinera post, I mentioned how much Viney adores her stutter. She absolutely loves getting Emira flustered enough to start stuttering. She’s incredibly patient and understanding when it comes to Emira’s stutter and Em’s feelings about her stutter, and she helps Emira learn to be okay with it again. It’s nothing to be ashamed of (and it’s cute).

My girl likes carrots. Like, really likes carrots. As in she’ll eat them straight out of the ground if she’s given a chance to wash it first. She really loves carrots. This is only an issue later on after she and Viney start taking care of beasts together and Emira’s been caught eating their entire stock of carrots that’s meant for the beasts. Viney has to keep the carrots in a secret box away from Emira after that point.

Emira actually really loves beasts/animals but has never been good at handling them. Any time she’d try to approach an animal to pet it, it would try to bite her. She’d get extremely pouty whenever this happens because beasts/animals love Edric. It’s not until after she and Viney start dating that Viney actually starts teaching her how to approach different creatures and her love for creatures reignites.

Emira’s a giant pushover for Amity. Only Edric knows this because he’s also a pushover for her. If Amity ever found out what power she actually holds over them, they’d be in so much trouble. They mask their love for their sister with constant teasing. Yes of course they get annoyed by her, that’s how siblings are, especially when Amity tattles on them, but at the end of the day, they’d help Amity hide the body if she asked. (The few times they witnessed her crying by someone other than their parents, they had gone on a warpath. Nobody hurts Mittens.)

Defo had a brief infatuation with Luz for like 5 minutes before she realized how head-over-heels Amity was. As long as they’re both happy, that’s what matters. She’ll take that secret to her grave though.

L O V E S having her hair played with, but like, only with people she’s super comfortable with. She has so much hair (mostly due to her mother’s wishes) and any time they all have attend some fancy gathering, Emira has to be seen by a stylist in order to get all her hair into whatever wild fancy shape her mom wants for the event. That she hates more than life itself, but whenever she’s upset, Edric or Amity grabs her hair brush and just gently brushes her hair out until she’s chill again. (She absolutely melts when Viney starts playing with her hair). In an act of defiance and because she needed this Change, the moment she and her siblings leave the Blight Manor permanently, she cuts off all of her hair. It’s very reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. Viney loves it. Everyone loves it actually, but the biggest reactions come from Viney and Luz (they both love running their fingers through the newly cut hair because it’s so soft).

She likes to sing to herself when she’s alone. It’s rare that it ever happens because if she knows there’s other people in the same building as her, she won’t chance it. But when she knows she’s alone and no one will notice if she casts a silence bubble around herself so she can sing at the top of her lungs? You better believe she closes any doors or curtains in the area, locks everything, casts that spell and goes nuts. Her voice isn’t all that great, but it’s lovely when she’s singing quietly to herself while she does homework or something. On especially bad nights, Amity will ask her to sing to her. Emira sang to her once when they were like, 3 and 5 respectively, and it’s been their secret thing ever since for especially rough nights/nightmares.

Edric:

Yknow how James from Pokémon is just super good with Pokémon ?? Like, he knows how to treat them, he knows what they like, he asks them gently if they’d like to join them, etc. That’s exactly how Edric approaches creatures. He’s a natural with them, but he and his sister’s natural affinity for illusion magic kept him from pursuing that track of magic.

He’s always wanted a pet, but every time he brings it up to his parents, he’s met with the same firm No as always. He’s definitely gotten in trouble for trying to sneak wild creatures into the house to keep in his room. Thank Titan for Em’s cool new girlfriend who’s not only a multi-track student, but studying the exact subject he wants to study and is super eager to teach him everything she knows. He learns vicariously through her and helps her study for her tests. At first, Emira is suspicious of them, but she knows her brother wouldn’t be so cruel as to try to steal her girlfriend away from her. He’s just a dork.

My boy’s got a sweet tooth. He loves desserts and sweets and fluffy baked goods and often tries to sneak candies when he thinks no one is looking. Chocolate is a big weakness for him. When Luz introduces him to Human Sweets, he’s practically bouncing off the walls. Cotton candy??????? Flan?????? Dulce de Leche en Tabla??? He nearly passes out when Luz busts out what she calls a “chocolate fountain” and turns it on. Y’all remember that one image of a bird bathing in a chocolate fountain from a million years ago? That’s Edric.

Edric Blight LIVES to see his sisters laugh. He would pull all sorts of silly faces and dumb tricks to make Amity laugh when they were little. He still tries to make her laugh, but usually those have grown from giggles to disgruntled mumbling. He’ll never admit how much it breaks his heart and it’s not until he sees her laughing at something Luz has done that he has hope he may still be able to get her to laugh again (it’s also the first time he’s heard her laugh in years and it makes his heart soar in relief. He was almost certain their parents had stamped any concept of laughter out of her).

My boy Edric is so full of love and passion; actually quite similarly to Luz. What makes them different though is that Edric is Aromantic. He’s never had a crush in his life. He’s happy with his sisters and all of their friends and their family as it grows in the future. He has some best friends that he lives with for a while (after his sisters move in with their respective partners), but for the most part he’s chill. He loves his family, he loves spoiling his sisters’ kids, and he’s content with himself. It takes him a super long time to be content with himself, but he gets there. I will literally never get over the fact that his biggest fear is “being alone forever”. He’s never alone. He will always have his friends and family. And, thanks in large part to Luz, he has his parents back. His parents that actually were excited when he cast his first spell and tucked him in at night when he was a toddler, giving him kisses goodnight and pleasant dreams. Not the parents he’d run away from; those were the cold, uncaring, obsessed with fake concepts of popularity and status people he ran away from with his sisters. It took years, but Luz helped bring his real parents back. He loves getting to know them for who they are now that he’s an adult too.

He and Gus become best friends. Like, dumb buddy cop movie levels of best friends. They get into so much trouble when it’s just the two of them and they have the time of their lives. At first, he and Em just sort of took Gus under their wing because he was a little bit of an outcast in their homeroom for being so much younger than everyone else. But he’s a friend of Luz’s and a friend of Amity’s after a while, which automatically makes him cool in their book. They soon find themselves actually enjoying his company, rather than just protecting him from stray bullies, and they find his ability with illusion magic exciting. They themselves are considered prodigies so having another prodigy to show off practice with is super stimulating for all of them. As the years go on (and Emira spends more time with Viney) Edric starts calling more and more often for “Bro Time” where they go do stupid teenage stuff or test the limits of their magic or even just hang out and talk for hours. It’s actually all this time hanging out with just Gus that Edric discovers he’s aro; somehow it comes out that Gus has developed a crush on Edric and (major age differences aside) Edric realizes he’s never had a crush on anyone before. It’s a conversation that sucks a lot, but they’re besties and they manage to get through it. Gus maybe needs to take a day with his original gal pals to just cry about it, but he gets over it just fine. He also helps Edric understand what it means to be aromantic. Well, with the help of Luz and Willow as well; Luz is a walking dictionary for lgbt terminology and Willow’s super good at helping dissect feelings (when they’re not her own cough’outofsightoutofmind’cough).

I genuinely don’t know what he might pursue for a career. Part of me wants him to be independent and do his own thing, but a much stronger part of me wants him to just be part of Viney as Emira’s business. He loves creatures so much and he loves taking care of them, but I don’t want him to feel like a third wheel around his twin sister either. Maybe he becomes a dual track teacher at Hexside specifically for healing and beast keeping so more students can learn about Service Creatures. He can substitute for the Illusion track homeroom when needed, but he’s super passionate about the Service Creature sub-track he and Viney pitch to Principal Bump.

#prinxly inquiries #anonymous #the owl house #emira blight #edric blight #toh headcanons #I have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about these two

[itashiro-hitsuchiha]

Ship bias for Saber Artoria, Saber Mordred and Erza Scarlet

Send ‘Ship Bias’ and I will share up to 5 Ships I have a bias for for my muse!

@lemusegallery

Alright this may be a long post but I'll gladly do it. For you see simply listing the ships I have for them is too easy and boring. So instead I'll be giving reasons behind the ships and why I typically have a bias towards them. Also the ships I list may not all be romantic ships. I will list the type of ship I am referring to with each muse. Mostly because with these muses in particular I do not have that many romantic ships with them. Also putting a read more into this cuz of how long it may be and I don't want to clog up the whole dash.

Alright I'll just start with Mordred since she has the weirdest line up imo.

Mordred x Fran (BrOTP) - I just fucking love Mordred and Fran being in unison when it comes to kicking ass. That gif of them fist bumping just makes me excited every time. So naturally when writing Mordred if I can get my Fran up in the thread those two will act as pretty decent friends after awhile depending on the thread of course.

Mordred x Artoria (Notice me Senpai) - From all that I gather from playing FGO Mordred has a strange relationship with Artoria. Although if the two were in their normal minds and they are summoned together then things can get interesting as while Mordred may be somewhat hostile at first, they can actually talk and get some closure as after the events of Apocrypha Mordred has come to understand Artoria's position a little better so she won't be as bitter towards her. If anything it was fun in the first summer event to watch Mordred essentially try to get Artoria to notice her and get her praise only to get one-uped each time. They can have a nice wholesome, yet disfunctional dynamic at times and I'd like to see if I can explore that a bit more.

Mordred x Shirou Emiya (???)- I am not sure how to describe this ship. It wouldn't be romantic per say, but I do feel like these two could have an interesting relationship develop. Mordred can appreciate Shirou's determination and stubborness as it mirrors her own, but also with his relationship with Saber it could form a good bridge between them. Idk. I just like to see how this sort of ship could go.

I don't really have any more than that for Mordred as I don't see her as a romantic type. Being a homunculus she doesn't live a very long life regardless so her time is usually short unless summoned as a servant and then she could theoretically live as long as her master, like in Chaldea. Though some crossover potential does exist that I love, but I won't discuss that here. To add to that she has shown no real interest in romance that I can derive from what I've seen of her, so therefore my Mordred can be classified as mostly aromantic and possibly asexual. She knows of sex, but she doesn't have an interest in it as that sort of thing was not taken into account in her creation process and with how she was raised she REALLY had no room to consider it or even want it. It's not impossible to get her to do it, but it is very challenging and will require a LOT of effort.

Now for Artoria.

Artoria x Shirou (OTP)- needless to say I watched the first Stay Night as my introduction to the series. Even into UBW I thoroughly love this ship the most with her. The two just click on so many levels and their dynamic is amazing. Plus Shirou loves to cook and Saber loves to eat (as she kinda needs to eat a lot). Idk if there's anything else I can say about this ship that hasn't already been said, but yeah its my favorite one.

Artoria x Rin (BrOTP)- Seeing how Rin originally wanted a Saber class servant and how she was a friend of Shirou these two can be pretty fun together as well. Rin helps the two get out of their shells and explore the more fun side of life and what it has to offer. I think they're cute as a Bro sort of duo.

Artoria x Mordred- See ship above

Artoria x Lancelot (???)- I mostly like to see how things can go if they can have closure after the events of Zero and actually sit down and talk. (Saber needs to do that with a lot of people).

Much like Mordred Artoria never really had much time to consider romance, but interacting with Shirou definitely helps her grow out of her shell so she can at least consider it. When trying to ship romance with her, if you're not Shirou then you may have a tough time, but really you just need to earn her respect to spend more time with her and perhaps she'll grow on you and give you a chance. Much easier than how Mordred is.

Lastly Erza, Who is admittedly easier to ship with than the other two swordswomen.

Erza x Natsu (BrOTP, or possible OTP)- Erza and Natsu have this fun relationship dynamic. She almost acts like an older sister to him (as well as most of team Natsu) and she definitely has no problem telling him off when he really needs to get punched. Though I can also see them growing romantically (Fight me!) and I would like to see how that would actually go. (Plus the hentai of the two is top notch)

Erza x Jellal (Duh!)- I like the history that those two have together and seeing how they make each other flustered just by talking and feeling awkward its just great. While yes he has hurt her in the past (very badly I might add) Jellal doesn't try to pursue a romance with her because of that fact and he doesn't want to hurt her again, which I believe she is aware of it and fully understands and doesn't want to force him to try anyways. If he feels like he can safely pursue something with her she will be there waiting for him and happily accept him.

Erza x Mira (BrOTP)- Oh my god! these two are just great when they get the chance to sit and talk with each other. Their history allows Mira to talk to Erza about things that no one else could get out of the great Titania. Not to mention all the teasing Mira can do to her and get away with it unlike if Natsu or Gray tried it. Anytime these two get together for girl talk its just great.

Erza x Kaza (OTP)- I know its kind of cheating to list my muse with another of my muses, but hear me out. You see Kaza was someone I once had as a character several years ago, but then dropped for a long time and focused on Vorona for years of development that Kaza did not get. He was my first OC and I wanted to bring him back. Originally he was made for the Naruto universe, but when bringing him back I figured I'd change him up a bit. So I tinkered and decided to make him a Fairy Tail magic swordsman from Edolas who stayed in Earthland. So after making that I realized he may be best suited to be shipped with Erza or Kagura as they are the main swordswomen in the Fairy Tail universe. Her bluntness and occasional lewd minded thought process (really if you look at some of the things she says its pretty funny how thirsty this girl can be, also seduction armor....need I say more?) could pair well with Kaza's shyness towards the subject. I just think these two can be pretty funny and cute together as well.

While it may take me time to get used to it. Shipping with Erza can be pretty easy so long as you keep in mind that she does have a tendency to react violently if the wrong things are said. Easiest way to start shipping with her, be a member of Fairy Tail and/or be a swordsman of some sort. From there it's just a matter of how well the chemistry can be.

Alright. Hope this is sufficient with the meme and that you enjoyed reading this. :)

#long post

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Communication Issues (AT:TTSIMBCMEOAYSFIL)- Chapter Three

Ao3,   MasterPost,   Chap.1,   Chap.2

Relationships: Eventual Romantic Analogince, Romantic Prinxiety, implied background Moceit

Warnings: Misunderstandings, Miscommunication, Self-isolation, Arguments, Unintentional Emotional Repression, Body Horror (in the form of Remus being Remus!), swearing, some small descriptions of pain, self-deprecations. There’s some fluff in the middle cuz I’m not pure evil, but this is pretty angsty :3 (I promise it’ll have a happy ending u just gotta wait ok). Remus uses it/its here, and is also aromantic.

Word Count: 8,167

Now, dramatism isn’t one of your functions, so you like to think that you’re being entirely  reasonable when you say that you’d rather die than inform your closest friends that you’ve grown to love them a bit more than platonically. 

And yet, here they are. Sitting on your couch, in your cluttered room, staring up at you with expectation in their eyes. They’re waiting, Logan. You didn’t actually expect to avoid this forever, did you?

Maybe you did, but it wouldn’t be the first time you’ve been wrong.

But you digress: you owe them the explanation they came here for. And as you open your mouth to speak, your voice is not nearly as measured as you’d like it to be. 

“As I said before, It was never my intention for you to think I did not want to see you- that is to say, it simply wasn’t feasible, given- well- there were certain complications, you see…”

Virgil narrows his eyes, bemusedly, from his contorted position across the arm and top cushion of your couch. 

“What kind of complications?”

You look at the carpet, but it doesn’t offer much visual stimuli. You look up at the ceiling, but the angle makes your neck ache. You settle your eyes on your bookshelf instead, studying the multi-colored covers of novels that span the length of the entire opposite wall. 

“...Complicated ones.”

Virgil snorts, a sound that usually has you thinking about just how adorable he can be, but the sound is devoid of humor in its current form. 

“Care to elaborate, Teach?” Roman inquires, his legs folded comfortably under himself as he watches you. He’s managed to keep himself pretty still and quiet, though you aren’t sure if that’s attributed to his current restraint or the effects of your room.

  You push your glasses up on your nose. They fall back to their original position. You repeat this action almost compulsively. 

“It’s foolish- Very foolish. I know this is somewhat hypocritical of me, but I believe it is for the best that I do not burden you with it.”

“You aren’t a burden!” Roman squawks indignantly, in conjunction with Virgil snipping: “We’re well past that, buddy.”

You feel your face heat, embarrassingly enough. You aren’t sure why, but their instant and vehement defensiveness for you is a bit motivating. They… they won’t hate you for it. They might even understand, if you’re willing to be optimistic about this. 

“You could call it. Jealousy, I suppose.”

“Jealousy?” Roman scrunches his nose, uncomprehending.

“Yes- I know it isn’t exactly fair of me to feel this way, but it’s the unfortunate truth. I have noticed that the two of you have become much… closer, than you once were,” you see the two of them flush in embarrassment, which only serves to prove your point. “Rest assured, I’m very happy for the both of you and your bond. It’s just that I’ve realized that I have become essentially irrelevant, which I find to be… upsetting. And I know you both are far too kind and non-communicative to outright tell me this, thus I decided that I would take matters into my own hands by giving the two of you your much-needed space willingly.” 

You do not add that you’re also avoiding them because you can barely stomach being around their PDA. It seems unnecessary, and maybe a tad pathetic.

Virgil recovers from his embarrassment at your calling him out quickly enough, his abashment being engulfed by indignation. Oh, wonderful. They really can’t let up without a fight.

“What the hell are you talking about?” His anger is clear, but all three of you know that he’s only upset at the situation. 

“I would love to remain as your friends, of course, I only meant that it would be best if I didn’t interrupt you two-”

“Interrupt us?!” He’s very near shouting, leaping up from his seat and stalking towards you. He stops less than a foot away, and you try desperately not to recoil from him. 

“Yes,” you sound meek, don’t you? “It only made sense-”

He stares at you as though you’re an idiot. It’s a despicable look, but when you turn your attention to Roman for a reprieve, his expression is no different.

And then they- oh, what they do next brings you more pain than any expression ever could. It starts quiet, like they’re trying to hold it at bay, but their resolves crack and crumble. 

They laugh. They’re laughing at you. 

You shouldn’t have let them in- not into your room, not into your head, not into your life at all. You should have known that when your genuine emotions came to light, they’d only find it humorous in the end. Because you, Logan- Logic, your ‘feelings’- they’re hilarious. They are nonsensical and hardly befitting a being such as yourself, yet you have them! And you actually began to speak about them! What a comedic situation. You’re a fool in every sense of the word- both a jester and an idiot. 

They aren’t even laughing that hard, but to you each small sound reads as a raucous, villainous cackle that tears apart your skin and leaves you raw. Roman’s head is tipped back and he appears to be shaking with amusement; Virgil is trying to press his lips together and stifle his chuckling, but he’s doing a poor job of it.

Something writhes in you, much uglier than your shame or guilt. It squirms beneath the layers of your skin and runs up and down your spine, tensing your muscles with its electricity. It’s fury, burning nearly as bright as your face surely must be with this humiliation. 

How could they, tricking you into caring for them, convincing you to help them and support them, only to then heckle you when you hand them your trust. It was such a fragile thing already- which you know is preposterous, trust isn’t tangible, but in this moment it feels quite like a cracked window finally shattering to useless shards.

“Out.”

Virgil is startled into silence immediately; Roman makes a strangled sort of sound as he stops laughing.

“What?” They chorus, both looking ready to contradict you with drawn out and over-emotional arguments. 

You won’t give them that satisfaction.

“Get. Out. Of my. Room,” your shaking speech is blanketed in monotone; it’s like a towel thrown over a forest fire; it won’t last long.

Their eyes widen comically. They speak all over each other, clamoring to explain or excuse their actions, but to you the pleading is naught but white noise. 

You gave them a chance to leave of their own volition, but if they’re so keen on remaining a nuisance, then fine. You huff a sigh, turning your back to Roman and Virgil. With a snap, their chatter cuts off unceremoniously, and you are left cold and lonely. 

When you turn around, they’re gone.

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

You don’t get a chance to react before you’re thrown upwards through the floor of your bedroom. You land in an unceremonious heap, half-on and half-off of your bed, losing your balance almost immediately and toppling to the floor. Rising up makes you dizzy enough as it is, but being forced away from somewhere makes you want to vomit. 

You pull yourself up from the ground, holding your head in your hands until the world stops spinning. As soon as your brain gets working again, you can hear thunderous footfalls out in the hall. They stomp right past your door and down the hall. There’s a series of loud thumps, rattles, and shouts, before whoever it is retraces their steps.

You walk to your door as if on autopilot, opening it just as Roman was about to knock. He’s panting, distressed. 

“We fucked up,” he says.

“Yeah,” you pull him inside, slamming the door behind him, “We did.”

“I didn’t mean to, you know that right? I wasn’t laughing at him, I wouldn’t, alright?” Roman spirals, “He thinks I did! It was just ridiculous, was all! To think that we don’t want him around- to think-”

He curls into himself. You catch his hand before he can press it against his chest, unfolding him. You hold his wrist and rub little patterns into the back of his hand.

“Ro, hey.”

He glances up at you, wild-eyed. Eyeshadow is already creeping its way down his face.

“Why don’t we talk about this in your room instead, hm?” 

He nods, shaking, with a small mutter of ‘right, right’. You nod back, holding onto him just tight enough that your claws don’t quite dig in. 

You materialize in Roman’s room, dragging him along with you. Almost immediately a fierce pulse of energy overwhelms you. You stagger in shock, but Roman doesn’t even blink at the force. He pulls away from you and falls upon his massive, plush, circular canopy bed with a despairing whine. You can’t really blame him. 

The Creative power of this room takes its effects on you faster than any other side’s abilities could- you really wonder how Roman is so used to it. You sit on the bed beside him, intending to comfort him as he buries himself further into his hoard of pillows. But then, you can’t. You can’t sit down. Far too much troubled excitement is pooling in your stomach; far too many ideas and thoughts are running through your head, and the loudest of them are desperate appeals to start fixing this mess.

Anxiety and Creativity wouldn’t theoretically mix well, but that’s just the thing about theories. They’re often wrong, so very wrong or crackpot or conspiratorial. The truth of it is Creativity and Anxiety work together wonderfully, both as concepts and as actual, metaphysical creatures. You’ve known this, even if you won’t admit it, since you were all teenagers. But only now does it hit you just how much Roman’s abilities can do for you. It takes all of your energy, all that pent-up fear and frustration from what’s just happened, and it gives you the tools to actually use it for something.

It also makes you, ya know. Just a little recklessly confident.

“Alright, Princey, get up.”

He whines again, shifting his head just enough to glare at you.

“I’m wallowing in self-pity! For the reason that one of my dearest friends thinks me a- a bully! How are you not freaking out about this?”

“Honestly?” You wrap your hands around his wrist again, pulling him into a ragdoll-ish sitting position, “I’ve got no idea. Mentally I think I’m in the fifth dimension or some shit, so we gotta work this out quick before I come back down and really lose my mind.”

He grumbles, but you see him biting back an amused smile. Flopping his legs over the edge of the bed and making no movement to stand, Roman narrows his eyes up at you. 

“Alright, alright. We need to give that conversation another go, I know that, but we should give Logan some space first. He’s unlikely to hear us out now. You know how headstrong he is when he gets… like this.”

You nod, vacantly, because you're already three steps ahead of where he is in the conversation. 

“Yeah, good point. More time.”

“Right,” Roman draws the word out, looking at you strangely, “So why aren’t you moping with me?”

You pull the reins of your practically palpable energy enough to sit down, right next to him.

“We obviously have to work out this-” you gesture between yourself and Roman, “-before we can really talk to Logan,” once the sentence is out of your mouth you wish you could swallow back the ‘obviously’, because Roman is usually slow on the uptake and you’d never intentionally make fun of that. But he does nothing more than scrunch his face up in exaggerated confusion, the pink tint to his face giving away that he must have at least some idea what you’re implying. 

“What- what do you mean by that? The two of us already get along famously!”

“I think you know that’s not what I meant. You’re using your stage voice. You always do that when you lie.”

“Who are you- Janus?” He cough-laughs awkwardly, breaking eye-contact with you. You’re surprised that you’re holding up any better than him, but your strongest reaction at the moment is a mild blush and some prickling at your skin. 

It is for these reasons that you both love and hate Creative-Mode Virgil. He is a very productive and efficient version of you, but his propensity for acting bold and impulsive makes you want to strangle him. Him being you, of course.

“Look, Logan was wrong to think that he was a third wheel, or whatever, but I’m pretty sure he was right about the… closeness with us, I guess.”

Roman’s staring at you with wide eyes, a deep red flushing him from his ears right across his nose and cheeks. He’s clearly trying to smile, but it’s coming out awkwardly strained, almost twisted sideways. There’s a second when the anxiety rushes back to you in a wave of oh no you misread this so fucking bad of course he doesn’t feel that way about you you’re his best friend whatthehellwereyouthinkingVirgil- and it almost wins you over, but you’re in Roman’s Room. And that doesn’t just mean motivation and creativity. 

Your paranoid thoughts could never beat what’s ingrained into you as a fact. You can feel the romantic tension, almost like it’s a physical presence in the room. Maybe it is. A part of you- most of you, in fact- still wants to convince you that you’re doing something wrong. But it’s getting harder and harder to believe the longer you sit here, knowing that these emotions you feel aren't entirely your own. 

“Virgil,” he breathes, and you can feel it on your skin- when did you get so close?

“We don’t have to do anything about this,” you start to backpedal, but you don’t move away from him, “Not if you don’t want to, yet. I just… we had to talk about it, I think.”

“So you…?”

The hesitance in his voice destroys your resolve. You reach out, tucking up both of his hands in your own. 

They’re warm. 

“Yeah, I- yeah.”

He surveys you for far too long; it’s hard not to squirm. You let him watch you, though, just so he can find whatever it is he’s looking for in your expression. When he does, it only draws him in nearer.

“You and Logan are right. I love you, V.” 

You try not to smile. It doesn’t work. 

“I figured.”

He huffs at you, shoving you, but he’s grinning widely. You roll your eyes at him. You don’t speak for a while, holding your tongue for as long as you can- but you really need to say it. Just so he knows.

“I love you back, though. Or- something like that, I don’t know…”

Roman laughs outright at that, tossing his head back. You can already feel the energy you were given twisting into an entirely contradictory exhaustion. Because of that, you don’t even try to pretend to be annoyed; you just watch, fondly. 

When he’s settled, that amused look turns sharply to worry. 

“So now what?”

You pause, running your thumb over his knuckles as you think the question over. 

“Logan?” 

“Yeah, that.”

“Well, like you said, we give him some space.”

“And then?”

You glance up at Roman for confirmation, but you don’t need to. Like you said, you can feel it; his room is a pretty big snitch. 

“We tell him we love him.” 

 You let yourself forget about what happened, just for the afternoon. It’s hard, but what choice do you have? It’s out of your hands for now. And, while usually that makes you even more nervous, you manage to force yourself into the shape of something vaguely undaunted. After all, if you can’t tell Logan just how much you care about him, you can still remind Roman. 

In your own way, of course. 

“Hey,” you mutter, for what must be the millionth time that evening. Roman turns his attention away from the vent-art he’s working on, glancing at you.

“Yes, Knightmare?” He asks, but the tired and affectionate smile on his face says that he already knows your game. Damn, and here you were thinking you were subtle. (not.)

“Mmh,” you press your face into the side of his neck, leaving a few miniscule kisses to the skin there. Your arms are twined around his waist, a position that bordered on- oh, who are you kidding, it’s exceptionally clingy.

The embarrassment that you feel from so openly displaying such sappy, disgusting affection is overturned, however slightly, by the quiet laugh and kiss to the top of your head that Roman returns to you for your efforts. You hide your smile in the crook of his neck.

You continue to shower Roman with attention for a minute or so, covering his face with little pecks and pressing yourself against him, before leaning back a few inches. You sigh. He resumes his work, resting his back against your chest as he does so. 

You will let him continue to draw for ten or so minutes. You will ask for his attention again, and he’ll give it to you with a slightly wider smile than the last time you did it- that smile grows exponentially, but only by tiny increments.

You’ll kiss him all up his neck and the side of his face, hug him even tighter, listening to him laugh in a much too relieved voice before you let up once more.

And he’ll be a little more sure of you each time. A little more sure that you two can do this together. 

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>>

You are not a patient entity when it comes to the things you want. You are, in the best of cases, the exact opposite. This gets about One Million Billion times worse when the one thing that you want is to declare your love for someone, and said someone hasn’t left his room even once in six days.

Virgil, Patton, and Janus (once you’d relayed the situation to the latter two) have essentially been keeping you on a leash at all times of the day- or night- to make absolutely sure that you don’t break Logan’s door down. Which- to be fair- you wouldn’t put it past yourself to do that, but still. 

But even with the distraction of a new boyfriend (boyfriend!!!!) and those two overbearingly caring friends of yours, you are still Physically Unable to Not Do Anything currently. And, you suppose if you can’t break Logan’s door down, you might as well try that idea out on someone who wouldn’t bat an eye at such an, ah, intrusion seems to be the fitting word. 

“Uurghhhhh!”

You drop yourself face first onto Remus’ bed in your usual melodramatic fashion, immediately regretting it because fuck that smells horrid. When was the last time it washed its sheets?

Probably never, actually. You sit up.

Your sibling is sitting cross-legged on its desk, working on something that’s got a good deal of goop and limbs. It looks up at you blankly. 

“Ro? What the hell are you doing in here?” It doesn’t sound angry, just very, very surprised. 

“My life is ending.”

“Fun! Does that mean I get full creative control?”

“No! And it’s not fun, you animal!” 

It scrutinizes you, setting its strange arthropodic creation down on the desk. You lean back when it leans forwards.

“Wow, shit must be really bad if you’ve decided to come here!”

You nod, miserably. 

“Okay,” it claps its hands together, standing up only to fall against the bed beside you. It’s half-sitting, half-laying; the way it twists all its limbs up can not be comfortable. “What’s going on?”

You glare at it, but you aren’t sure why. Probably just because it is there and you need something to glare at while you talk. 

“It’s Logan…” You trail off, waiting for Remus to catch on. It takes its time thinking, even more expressionless than before. 

“You know why he hasn’t left his room in days? I tried to check on him but he barely told me anything. Just said he was tired, and ‘thanks for the concern’,” it says at last, catching you off-guard.

“You mean you haven’t heard? I would’ve thought Patton or Janus might have told you.”

It taps its claw to its chin a couple of times, thoughtful. The implication clicks just a second later, apparently, because it lets out a whining groan and drags its hands down its face.

“Oh, not that. I can’t do anything if it’s that!” It exclaims, “Yeah, they did mention it, but I guess I just tune that kind of thing out,” it pauses, “...It’s because you and Vee are fucking now, right?”

You flush, embarrassment and indignation welling up at the back of your throat. You bat Remus’ shoulder, bristly as a thornbush.

“No, we aren’t- I mean, not yet- I mean, that’s none of your business!”

“You did kinda come to me for help, though, so it actually is.”

You glower, refusing to justify that with a response. It rolls its eyes at you, turning over so that it’s flat on its back with its upper half hanging off the bed.

“It’s your bad to come to me for romance advice. You couldn’t have asked literally anyone else- yourself, for example?” It fusses with its talons as it rants, snapping off a couple of nails absentmindedly, “It’s not even the fun kind of gross.”

You can’t believe you’re considering saying it. You won’t! You shouldn’t! You refuse!

“...Please?” Oh fuck, you’ve done it now.

Remus pulls its head up slightly, a very smug grin across its face. Its teeth are horrendously crooked and yellow-stained, looking much too big and sharp to fit into its mouth. 

“Awww, you’re begging? God, you’re so desperate.”

It’s very difficult to resist the urge to push it off the bed. But you are a pillar of restraint today, because it’s not entirely wrong about that, and you still need it to help you.

“Look, it’s too personal to my own life for my abilities to do me any good. And Virgil can’t talk about it- he’s way too frazzled to even think about it, the poor thing. Plus, Patton and Janus aren’t… great… at things,” that’s a very soft way of putting: the former gets much too emotionally invested and the latter is entirely snarky and unhelpful. “So I came here. I think a more, erm, detached point of view could help.”

Remus hums at that. 

“I guess there’s nothing more detached from romantic issues than someone who’s never had any- you’ve come to the right place in that case.”

“So you’ll help?” 

Remus slides slowly forward until it’s landing in a heap on the ground, various crunching noises resulting from the impact. It huffs, lifts itself up to rest its chin on the edge of the bed, and stares at you unblinkingly.

“You’re not allowed to tangent about how pretty his eyes are or how much you love his voice, or anything like that, got it? Otherwise, I will puke, and probably into your mouth just to shut you up.”

You gag, perhaps a bit exaggeratedly.

“That’s vile!”

“Thank you! Now, bitch to me about your problems before I get bored.”

You look down to your lap, winding and unwinding your fingers repetitiously. You think about the past couple of days; in many aspects, it’s been wonderful. Virgil actually wants to be your boyfriend! And that’s what he is now! Of course, you both are just as cuddly as ever, but now you don’t have to worry about holding back. That’s been an amazing relief.

But there’s always that little thing missing, holding you back from being content completely. You want to give Logan his space, truly you do, but every day you feel a little more distant from him. A little further from being able to fix things. It’s familiar in all the worst ways.

You blink rapidly, remembering where you are before the emotions overcome you. With a shaky breath, you begin to speak. It’s just a summary at first, but then you can’t help but give Remus your most detailed accounts of, well, everything. 

You gauge its reaction intensely, but it’s as inscrutable as ever. You finish the tale hurriedly, expectant for some sort of response from the creature across from you.

There is an intolerable silence as you practically see the gears turning in Remus’ brain, which is funny because you thought Octopuses were supposed to have nine of them. You have no idea what it’s using all the other ones for, if that’s the case.

“You laughed at him,” it smirks when it speaks, sounding out the words slowly. You scoff.

“We were laughing at the situation! We didn’t mean it to seem that way. It was just bad timing! ”

It cackles at you, sitting back on its legs and tossing its head back. It sounds like a shrieking kettle.

“No wonder he’s so pissed! He thinks you think his feelings are a joke! His whole deal is not wanting to be that. That’s, like, his big thing.”

You’d… sort of figured that’s what happened, but hearing it out loud still stings. To think you’d done that to him. He was getting so much better with his feelings, but you had to go and ruin it. 

“I already know that I- we-” mental filtering, Roman, “We caused the issue. I wanted to know how to fix it.”

Remus stops laughing as suddenly as it’d started, looking at you with all the sincerity of, perhaps, someone capable of being serious. 

“Corner him,” it answers simply.

“Excuse me?”

“Corner him. Your first mistake was that you went to him in his room, which meant he could just throw you out of there. He’s stubborn, right? Plus, he thinks you were making fun of him. He’s not gonna come out to have a civilized conversation on his own, cuz he’s a dumbass, so I don’t think more space is gonna help you out here. Lure him out! Tie him up, if it’ll make him listen!” Remus pauses thoughtfully, “Orrrrr you could try amputating his legs entirely, but he’ll probably grow them back. He’s annoying like that.”

You choose to ignore the last suggestion, focusing instead on its main point. 

“Are you sure that won’t make things worse?”

“Define ‘worse’ for me, in terms of right now, currently, in here on this day.”

“Good point.”

Remus nods to itself, standing up from the floor and stretching its arms above its head. Its shoulders dislocate, but it pops them back into their sockets once its done. This almost feels like the conclusion of the conversation, but you get the impression that it’s taking its time to piece together a sentence with a little more finality.

“He was obviously crazy about you two before, which means he probably still is. He’s also a sad little shit, though.”

You move to stand as well, curling your fingers against themselves again.

“You really think so?”

“Oh, I have no idea. That’s your department, remember? Now, get out of my room; no alloromantics allowed after-” it checks the time, clearly making the rule up on the spot, “Five twenty-six P.M.” 

“Fine, fine, I can take a hint,” you place your hands on your hips, feeling just a little more confident in the wake of this talk.

“‘Hint’? I explicitly told you to leave.”

You grumble at Remus, but make your way to the door nonetheless. It turns back to its desk, grabbing for a jar that seems to be filled with insect legs. It’s immediately refocused into whatever strange creatures it was working on, pulling them apart and shoving them back together. You let the affronted look fall from your face, replaced by a small, fond smile.

“Thanks, Re.”

It glances back at you, briefly.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s nothing…” it pauses, its hands stilling. “Good luck.”

“Thank you,” you say, earnestly.

You leave, letting it get back to its work. 

 The hallway smells like a fucking Macy’s compared to Remus’ room. Jesus Christ, it’s a relief. 

You shut the door behind you with a soft click, leaning back against it with a deep, shuddering sigh. It’s been a long week. 

Ah, and just on time, as if to prove your point, there’s a gravelly shout and a thump from downstairs. You draw yourself to attention, shaking the slump from your shoulders. You flit through the narrow hall to the top of the stairs, listening carefully for an issue to resolve or an unseemly beast to slay. A prince must protect his subjects, after all.

For a few seconds, all you can hear below is frantic whispering. You set a foot on the top step, but you don’t get the chance to descend.

Virgil is there like a flash of lightning, speeding up the stairs and heading right for you. 

You startle, spiraling back to escape his path, but it’s futile. He catches you at the top, sending you both crashing into the opposite wall. Pain shoots up your back at the impact, as well as sparking in your shoulders where his claws are gripping you. You hiss, the sound dying when you meet his eyes. 

They’re bright. No, glowing. No, seeping- their color is seeping into the world around them, curling in little streaks of murky green and violet around Virgil’s face. 

He speaks, but it’s without distortion. It’s clear and crisp. It isn’t quite anxiety that’s consuming him this way, no, it’s something much more powerful.

“Roman,” he takes your hand in a fervent grip, “Ro, it’s Logan.”

You blink, and before you really know what you’re doing, you're already halfway downstairs.

<<<???>>><<<???>>><<<???>>

Light, sparse taps are turned out against the solid wood door. The sounds, however small, echo throughout this packed little room.

Your fingers stall above the laptop’s keyboard, and for a fraction of a second frustration overcomes you. It’s gone as soon as it comes, replaced unceremoniously by numbness. This is a minor inconvenience to your work, but not much else. Thankfully, you are not one to dwell on it; after all this time, you are finally in complete control of your faculties and your emotions. 

The knock returns, more sure of itself as it hits against the surface. Bemusedly, you wonder why on earth they’re still bothering- but, that isn’t them, it belatedly occurs to you. The rhythm isn’t that of some showtune or another, nor is it harsh and pounding.

You aren’t sure how many days it’s been since you’ve heard that particular sound. You aren’t sure… What day is it?

Well, regardless, you’ve been jarred from your work. You could ignore it and continue on- you’d likely forget it soon enough- but the fact that you recognize the presence specifically as Patton stops that idea in its tracks. He’s sensitive, an overthinker to an extreme degree. He could entirely misconstrue it as a dislike of his company if you were to not respond, unlike a flippant Remus or a collected Janus. And, well…

You’re over it. You’ve been over what Roman and Virgil did to you. But even though you very much are, it’s still perfectly reasonable to not want to be near them. There would be nothing to gain from talking to them, and you’d like to spare yourself the headache. But, you digress; Patton was not a part of what transpired. He would not do that to you, and therefore he is not an impediment to your work. Looking at it rationally, he is in fact a great source of comfo- help, for you. 

With this in mind you stand, making your way across the room. You stagger when you walk, like something’s pulling you in different directions. Odd. The feeling is somewhere in your head, sinking down your vertebrae, insisting that you need to remain in the sanctity of your room. If you leave, the pull suggests, then all your carefully built clarity of mind should become disrupted. How strange for such a convincing conviction to be so seemingly baseless, you reflect.

The knock returns, and that is of course a much more pressing issue. There’s a pull coming from there as well, only one much fiercer and easier to place. It’s the strongest thing you’ve experienced in some time, like someone’s arm around your waist, guiding you forwards (even if there isn’t anyone there, really). 

“Good afternoon,” you intone, drawing the door open with excessive force. Strange, again; maybe you had just forgotten how heavy it was. 

Patton stands across from you, shock written across his features with his fist still poised in the air, as though to knock again. He drops the hand quickly, reaching out instead with both arms while a grin consumes his face. But the limbs spasm concerningly, and stop. He sweeps his arms back and presses his balled hands tightly against his chest, still smiling at you, only a little more strained. His eyes are big, murky pools of color and emotion, raging and contradictory and impossible to make sense of. Even looking into them is overwhelming. 

“Hi, buddy,” he says it so quietly, but the actual words don’t matter. He says it with force, like perhaps he’s localized every emotion he’s ever felt entirely into his tone of voice.

You blink at him, an undefined question on your lips before that pull behind you turns into a sharp push, and before you know it you’re slumping forward into the hallway and out of your room. As you’re forced out, you narrowly avoid hitting the carpet. That’s thanks to Patton, who rushes forwards with a yelp, hauling you up into his sturdy arms with very little effort. 

The confusion you’d felt leaves you in a great big rush, replaced by fire. Your skin is consumed by burns at your friend’s touch- or at least it feels that way, but logically it cannot possibly be actual flame- but fuck logic because you’re on fucking fire.

It’s an all-consuming heat, but that’s hardly all it is. It’s breathing. Like you’d been holding your breath to the point of mad deliria and only now are you gasping in great, relieved breaths of clear air as some great and stifling weight is lifted from your lungs. It also feels like moving from an ice bath to a sauna all too quickly, giving you the greatest relief in conjunction with horrific pain. 

Oh. You’re crying. 

“Shh,” Patton whispers, as though this isn’t anything out of the ordinary, “It’s okay, it’s alright.”

You hold onto him hesitantly. Are you sitting? You think you must be, judging from this position.

“Do you need me to let go? Is it too much?”

You open your mouth to speak, and your voice is in perfect, frightening monotone.

“Yes, please.”

Patton draws back gently, just far enough so that you’re not touching. Big, crocodile tears crawl down your face still, but they begin to die down after a moment. You get your breathing under control, even if just barely.

“I didn’t want you to fall and get hurt,” Patton explains, “But I realize that making you touch a living vessel for emotion might’ve hurt, too, after- well, after that,” he gestures vaguely to your room, and then to yourself. You tilt your head in confusion.

“What-?” You look down at your arms, and the question dies on your lips.

It’s lifeless; corpse-like. The cold, slate-gray painted up your arms and probably across your whole body. The color looks sucked out of you, leaving only emptiness in its wake. The only sign that you’re a living being and not a husk, a shell, a piece of shed skin- other than the tremble of your frame- is the shocks of electric blue running up your body. They could be veins, if not for the fact that the lines were perfectly straight and geometrically cornered.

Patton reaches out, pensively, and presses a cautious finger against the back of your hand. At his touch, the spot bursts into life like watercolor on wet paper. Lively, peachy skin with cool undertones appears, before fading back to gray as Patton removes his finger. And it stings. 

You jump to your feet with a struggle, hardly registering when Patton follows your lead. You spin on your heel, staring through the open door and into your room. You can’t imagine entering it- just the feeling of being near it shortens your breath. It’s frigid, it’s hard and unshakeable and dark. It is completely and entirely devoid of emotion or life, and you hadn’t left that frozen hellscape in days.

It’s a wonder you can feel anything at all, after what you’ve done to yourself.

A shaking gasp rips out of your throat, and before you can think another panicked thought you jolt forward and wrench the door shut. You back away from it until your back hits the opposite wall.

“I- I didn’t realize I was doing it,” your words sound like pleas, falling from your mouth without your consent.

“I know,” Patton stands beside you, close enough to feel but not to burn.

“I didn’t mean to, I just-”

“I know.”

“I was doing better. I was doing so well, I was happy.”

He nods solemnly. 

You’ve been aware of the existence of your emotions, and relatively accepting of it, for a good deal of time. Hypocrisy is unsustainable. You can’t very well preach the negatives of repression on a weekly basis and then go on to practice it indefinitely. 

But what you are… everything that you encompass, everything that encompasses you, it makes it much too easy to slip up. To force out every pesky feeling in favor of more ‘important’ things. What it really is is a pitiful defense mechanism, unfortunately built deep into you by the purpose of your being. And it seems that your room can even do it without your knowledge.

“Logan?”

You look up, unsure if he can even see how miserable you are. Can you emote anymore? You try to frown, but your muscles are stuck like plastic.

“Why don’t we get you somewhere else and see if we can get some of the feeling back into ya, okay?”

You adjust your glasses once, then twice.

“Not your room, I would hope?”

“Oh, goodness,” he lets out a startled laugh, “Of course not, that would be way too much! I was thinking somewhere a little more, uhm, neutral?”

You perk up at that implication. You could just go to the common room, of course, but that’s hardly the only unaffected area in the Mindpalace. Your world isn’t quite real- and even if it is it’s extremely fluid and easy to influence- meaning you can make about just as many locations as any of you would like. Which includes structures ‘outside’ of your ‘house’.

An ill-defined existence like that might irk you, if you were in a philosophical mood. Thankfully, the only mood you’re in right now is sad. 

“Yes, I think a change of setting could be beneficial.”

Patton chirps happily, much like a tree frog, and makes to lead you downstairs. You follow close behind him, chasing that emotional high but still nervous of the pain that it could cause you. 

You’re on edge for reasons enough already. The idea that you could run into them is a prominent one that you’d rather not focus on. 

For a split second you think you might have to, though, because there’s someone sitting on the couch when you step down from the landing. Your breath catches in your throat, but then he looks up at you, heterochromic eyes wide with surprise, and you exhale steadily. 

“Hello, Janus.”

His eyebrows arch up at your greeting, perplexion in his smile. Appraisingly, he observes you, offering only a small wave. He addresses Patton when he speaks. 

“Well, Dear, it seems you were right to be concerned about him.”

Patton mutters something that you can’t quite make out, looking disconcerted. 

You’d be flushing indignantly, if you had the ability to. Your shoulders hunch up as you glance between your friends.

“You’ve been talking about me?” 

They both look acutely uncomfortable, exchanging looks. That’s answer enough for you, though. 

Oh, just look at yourself. You’re a spectacle now, aren’t you? Poor Logan, getting his metaphorical metaphysical heart broken, only for it to become the talk of the MindPalace for days on end as he relapses into repression. Isn’t it such a lovely thing for you to be? A piece of gossip. Entertainment.

Janus’ worry grows on his face, and soon he’s up from his spot and hastening towards you. You step back from him, trying to remember what glaring is meant to look like. He doesn’t invade your space again, but he just… stares at you. 

“Would you like to talk about it?” He asks. You can almost laugh at the question. 

“I’m sure you already know all about it, though, don’t you?”

Both of them are taken aback by your snapping. You regret it immediately; they haven’t done anything wrong, not really. They’re trying to help you, it isn’t their fault that they got caught up in your ‘tragic tale’. But your frustration is difficult to push down. You get the feeling that you can’t push anything down, without worrying that something will snap; it’s almost like an overworked muscle. 

“Whatever you think has been happening out here,” Janus speaks, even and slow, “It’s not that bad, alright?”

Patton nods along with him, and reaches towards you. He falters, eventually opting to hook a finger through the band of your watch instead. Your skin prickles, but there’s no pain. 

“C’mon, I was thinking we could try heading to the Clubhouse.”

That settles your anger, microscopically. You think Janus is being truthful, and Patton is nothing but consoling. And, of course, there’s the clubhouse…

You might not ever admit how much you like it. It’s been around since before you were around, back in the days of just Anxiety (the oldest), Creativities (tied for second), and a very newly formed Morality. Back when it was first made, it really was just a little child’s clubhouse, made primarily by Roman, with some disruptions by Remus, and small additions by a tiny Patton. It was probably the first neutral structure made up by the sides, as they had just begun to figure out their powers and the ‘world’ that they inhabited. Of course no one had the heart to get rid of it after that.

You give Patton a nod, angling your face so that it maybe looks like you’re smiling. He lets go of you, smiling back as he turns on his heel and heads for the door. You trail behind him, knowing that it must look very silly that you’re basically tailgating him. Janus follows you in turn, a few feet behind. He watches over the both of you protectively. 

You step out onto the lawn, hearing grass crunch beneath your shoes. The wind is particularly biting, and the sky above threatens a storm. You’re sure that the weather in the real world isn’t this chaotic, so someone in the mindscape must be sulking. You don’t mind; it’ll only make the warmth of the Clubhouse all the more pleasant. 

The Clubhouse has changed so much over the years that it’s unrecognizable as its original iteration. What once was a little stick-and-stone glorified fairy house is now a cottage-like building, one story high with a thickly thatched roof. Beside the door on either side are big bay windows, each made into little reading nooks. It’s essentially one big room, the outside painted with such vibrant pastels that it easily stands out against its surroundings.

The doors creak when Patton opens them, but not in a way that denotes damage or wear. It’s an old and comforting sound, one that comes from familiarity and consistent use. You step through the threshold, and affection floods your chest.

It isn’t large, but it’s well-equipped. There are ancient oaken tables stacked up with crafts materials, squashy bean bag chairs, and a bright rug or two thrown over the rustic hardwood floors. The nooks have pillows and blankets piled in them, looking like nests. There are bookshelves, art supplies, vinyl records (complete with a record player)- even some new-looking wall displays of preserved bugs and butterflies for decoration. To top it all off, fairy lights were strung across all the walls, making it all seem quite mystic. 

You find yourself taking another step inwards; the amenities are incredibly inviting. Everything here is inviting, and homey, and lived-in. The house itself almost feels alive, nonsensical as that is.

It’s no wonder this is everyone’s favorite.

Patton watches you patiently, his hand resting on the door handle. You take a deep breath, but you aren’t sure why you need it. You make your way to the perfume-y, floral print sofa against the wall to your right, treating everything around you rather reverently. When you sit, you sink down into the couch.

Patton sits a respectful distance from you. Janus strolls right after him, knocking the door shut with the back of his boot before settling in an armchair on the left of the couch.

There’s a comfortable silence, and you start to feel your numbness abate. With a contented sigh, your head falls back against the cushion and your eyes fall shut. Not in an effort to sleep. You’re just… resting. You breathe deeply, letting the atmosphere envelop you.

The corners of your mouth twitch up.

“Logan!” Patton squeaks, “Look!”

Your eyes blink open, mildly startled at the outburst. Patton’s gaze on you is intense, first focused on your face and then moving down your arms. You follow the look, to see your...

Your perfectly normal, flesh-colored arms. Your human-ish, mildly tan, average arms. You feel what you can now recognize as a smile grow wider on your face. 

“Well,” Janus chimes, “It seems you just needed a little break.”

“Maybe so,” your voice creaks from lack of use. You hadn’t even realized you’d been nonverbal since you’d last snapped at them. Neither had drawn attention to it, which you silently thank them for (they, after all, were all too familiar with the experience). 

“Do you feel good enough to talk about what’s been upsetting you?” Patton gently asks you. And you… don’t have an answer.

“What is there to talk about?” You tilt your head bemusedly. 

“I think he means, are you ready to talk to who’s been upsetting you?” Janus explains. Patton hesitates before nodding his agreement.

“I- what?” Your serenity leaves in a rush, replaced by astonishment and outrage, “You expect me to- to talk to them?”

You give them approximately three seconds to respond before plowing forwards with your rant.

“I’m talking to you both, isn’t that enough? You’ve done nothing to wrong me, of course. What does it matter if I don’t speak to those- those- those-”

Janus’ eyes expand to circles, the pupils shrinking to anxious slits.

“Those?” He prompts.

“Tricksters, betrayers, playactors, wolves- whatever you want to call them!” Where were vocab cards when you needed them? All your synonyms can’t carry the punch that you need them to. Insults aren’t much good if you have to explain them after. 

“No!” Patton practically screams, out of absolutely nowhere. You glance at him, stunned, to see him looking like a kicked puppy- er, froggy. He’s on the verge of tears, leaning towards you precariously, with devastation swirling in his big eyes. “This is why you need to talk to them, please, Logan.”

You are so very bewildered, you barely notice that Janus is standing from his chair until he’s already across the room. 

“As I said earlier: whatever you think happened, didn't. I can prove it, too,” he mutters, standing by the door.

“You weren't there, Janus,” you snap, "I tried to tell them how I felt and they- they laughed at me.”

“They didn't!” Patton squeaks. You shake your head frantically, still reeling.

“It was- it was awful, you can’t-”

“No,” Patton interrupts, “I meant that literally. They didn’t do that.”

This interaction is making your head spin with indignation. You are capable of immense patience when it comes to Patton- and Janus, for that matter- but this has become ridiculous. 

“I’m so tired of being made a mockery of, Patton. I won’t stand for it any longer, even if you’re just trying to help.”

He breathes in sharply, about to argue, but then his gaze catches on something behind you. His mouth stays open, but he’s soundless. You jump to your feet, spinning around to see just what he’s looking at.

The door is open. Janus is gone.

There's a shout from the main house.

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