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fondofeveryprickle · 1 year

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My AO3 Wrapped

Happy new year for us all, and that 2023 brings us again many good fandoms, fics and friends! <3

I saw some people doing an ao3 wrapped of fics they wrote and things like that, and I decided to make one of recs.

I cannot count how many fics/words I read in 2022, but it was *a lot*. According to my ao3 page, I have 1200 fics in my History, I know I haven’t read them all, some of them I opened and saw it wasn’t for me, some of them I tried reading and didn’t like, but still, those are 1200 fics there.

have bookmarked 120 fics/series just this year.

Here are my top 12, one bookmark for each month of the year:

January:

anteros, punish me (leave me to bleed) by sakutsu - Haikyuu!!

I usually read Hinata centric fics, but this one was something else. It’s a Sakusa Kiyoomi centric fic, and it made me cry. It’s about his understanding and acceptance that he is aro, and how he sees the world. It is beautiful. Have tissues in hand.

February:

In Between by vetiverdreams - MDZS/TGCF crossover

This fic has *promise*. The first chapter alone has Xie Lian’s pov, of him meeting Wei Wuxian, and it’s great. There’s just so much there. I love how they wrote Wei Wuxian, and Hualian both. It’s a wip, but so worth it!

March:

Swaying Close by vetiverdreams - SVSSS

Liushen goodness! This was the year I discovered them, and this fic is just the sweetest!!!!! The fluffiest of fluffs. 5+1 times that LQG thought SQQ was cute. And SQQ was so cute, and the whole story is adorable! I loved the banter they had going on! This is also about SQQ being himself, having some modern attitudes.

April:

By folly or fickle fate by Vrishchika - MDZS @vrishchikawrites

First of all, this fic was written for me by my favourite writer, so need I say more????? Modern Au with cultivation. WWX is a cultivator, and one of the best ones, LWJ is not a cultivator, nor does he know this world exists. And they meet when WWX saves LWJ’s son, a-Yuan from an Abyss. This is so good. If you know Vrishchika, you know her characterization is *good*, and we have absolute BAMF WWX. Amazing!

May:

Burn your Wings by oWhiteKiwibird - BNHA - @crowbird-kamakse

Ohhh, this was also the year I discovered BNHA. And this was one of the first fics I’ve read. Canon divergence, and Izuku actually has his parents quirks (but because of how abused he and his mother were by his father, he doesn’t want to use it). He still gets OFA, and then when he gets to UA things start changing. It’s a beautiful story, it’s sad, and Izuku suffers a lot in the beginning, but there’s so much growth. And his and Todoroki’s relationship is beautiful.

June:

A Secret Never Shared by Vrishchika - MDZS - @vrishchikawrites

This fic should be on the list much earlier than June, because I had the privilege of betaing, and I had read it long before and reread it and loved every word of it. BAMF Wei Wuxian, who ascended instead of dying on the first siege. As always, perfect characterization, WWX is still WWX but also more, because he is a god now, and it changes people. This is a story of those 13 years where he would have been dead in canon. Also, the best a-Yuan.

July:

Hero Class Civil Warfare by RogueDruid - BNHA - @roguedruid

BAMF Izuku!!!!!! On my bookmarks notes I say: “The teachers quickly realize how glad they should be Izuku has always wanted to be a hero.”. UA has an activity they have every year where they divide the hero classes into heroes and villains and they have to compete. Izuku is chosen to be the villain leader, and Bakugou the hero leader. This is a story about how intelligent and smart Izuku is, and how he can be a very good leader.

August:

Bonnie & Klein by surveycorpsjean - BNHA

Where the porn is the plot. Izuku and Bakugou, already pro heroes, are sent 10 years to the future, where they meet their future selves (who are married). The smut is fantastic, but it’s all about the feelings, and about loving yourself, and accepting who you are (in very literal ways sometimes). Super tender, loving and also very hot.

September:

Razzmatazz by xylophones - BNHA - @xyloophones

A love letter to Izuku (is what i’ve written on my bookmarks). This is a story where All Might chose Izuku so much earlier, when he was still a kid, so Inko is also involved. The relationship between them all is wonderful, they are really a family. This is a Izuku who is prepared and well-trained. Wonderful.

October:

Half-Truths by kibosama - Not Me the series

This is a canon divergence fic, where after White decides to take over Black’s life, he leaves home. Things change accordingly, he has to come clean a bit before . SeanWhite is perfect, good communication.

November:

but you’re everywhere (yes you are) by fortunehasgivenup - Kinnporsche - @fairhairedkings

Canon divergent because Porsche remembers the first kiss at the pier, and decides to tell Kinn he does. Everything changes from that conversation forward. Absolutely gorgeous story. Great communication. Porsche stands his ground, and they learn to separate Kinn boss from Kinn boyfriend. I love their relationship very much. Really good communication, I need to say that again. The relationship is very healthy. And the smut is scorching.

December:

Erased Potential by theslytherinpaladin - BNHA

It’s a wip, but there’s over 230k words to read, and it is that good. Izuku knows that being quirkless will make becoming a hero much harder, that’s why he decides (when he’s in middle school) to ask Eraserhead to train him. He does, and things change accordingly. Smart Izuku, Dadzawa (without All Might bashing). Great fic!!!

It was not easy to make this list. So many good fics I’ve read this year!!! Thank you so much to all the authors who put time to write these masterpieces and share with us. Thank you thank you thank you!!!

If you want to check my other bookmarks, they are here.

Remember to always leave some love to the authors <3

#fic rec #mdzs #bnha #svsss #tgcf #haikyuu #not me the series #kinnporsche

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jekyllnahyena · 1 year

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Haunted by thoughts because I somehow need to put together that I think Soap is extremely fucking smart and perspective while also getting blindsided by Reg and Ghost confessing because all three are stubborn af and weird weird weird and I pretty much need to write out the whole story in short form for that to work and uuuuuurggghhhh. Fuck it, here goes (I’ll jumo a bit between from who’s point of view this thing goes, so be warned by 3 pages of confusing rambling):

Ok, so, Reg and Soap have strung up a friendship pretty fast, mostly because Soap is just. Fucking great and she quietly followed him like a lost puppy (from her perspective. For others it felt more like he suddenly had a bear prowling behind him) when she first joined the team and he showed her around and his jokes got her to crack and he now makes it a point of trying to get her to open up. And he does! She talks more because she’s comfortable, shows more of her humor and emotions and he delights in having done that and she delights in having a friend that makes her feel so comfortable with herself. He doesn't get the full picture, not yet, but he comes pretty fucking close to it. He learns of the loss of her parents, of her rarely used apartment and how often she actually just hides from people because it’s too much and usually the small smile she puts on in social gatherings is a facade.

But despite Soap’s usual modi operandi of flirting with pretty much anything in walking distance (not even going into the fact that he thinks that Reg is cute but also hot because she’ll bury her face in his shoulders when she’s embarrassed but can also bench press 120 kg thx), it becomes a very rare occurrence with her. Mostly because when he does, she'll stare at him and turn quiet and for the longest time he thought it was because he made her uncomfortable. But no, Reg's brain simply stopped working, and when she doesn't know how to react/respond, she'll go quiet and fucking stare. It's why people think she's so serious and slightly terrifying. She can be, yes, but a good 50 percent of the time she's just unsure on what to do so she doesn't do anything and somehow that translated to her being known as someone not to fuck with. In truth, she’s just awkward af.

But you go and decipher that from the 1,94 cm stone faced behemoth of a woman.

So Soap stops and though he gets very good at reading her and she gets more comfortable with expressing her emotions around him, their attraction isn't something either of them is willing to act on, at least not with each other. Soap because he thinks she's not interested and has come to value their friendship too much to ever think about asking her out, Reg because Soap is one of her first real friends that she feels comfortable and safe with in ages and she can only imagine something stable and long term with him but has no fucking clue on how to broach that because her way of communicating is either not to, or just blurt out what’s on her mind.

(The whole thing is kinda funny because both are very much sexually active, though they’re on the side of hook ups and Reg herself usually makes it a point of not being emotionally attached to the person she's sleeping with. She's lost her ex partner before and the experience still haunts her. So nowadays she'll try and flirt a bit, yes, but mostly simply ask if someone’s down for a one night stand.)

Enter Ghost. Reg and Ghost, from the moment they laid eyes on each other, had a weird same wavelength thing. Both have lost everyone, both have been on the field for about the same amount of years, both are heavily scarred by it and have found weird coping mechanisms that keep them working but create issues with living outside of it. At least at that point in life. (shit got dark for them and their mental states) And both have earned a reputation of being terrifying. Regard, the solo operator, the eyes, the stare that sees in and through you (sometimes because people don't realize that's just what she does), Ghost being the most terrifying mofo u can encounter and when u do, it's already too late.

Which is why Reg was so furious when Ghost told her to pull back from that mission, she thought they had this understanding and he completely disrespected her there (in her opinion). She may not be prideful of who she is outside her work, but her reputation holds true. She is terrifying, she does see it all, she is an absolute behemoth and force on the field and it's the one thing you cannot take away from her (she's the one that clings the most to her 'purpose' in the military. Not necessarily because she believes in the cause, but because it’s what makes her nowadays. She has no family to return to, she has no simple life outside of things. Her work is her life and yes, that is exactly as terrible as it sounds.) It’s why she really, really doesn't want to fuck shit up with Soap. Because despite having found their friendship within their work, she thinks of him as one of her, if not the, closest friend.

And Ghost? He himself has kept himself so much in check when it comes to his feelings. Whatever anyone says, Ghost is the one with a massive crush, but he believes himself to be too hard to be loved, at least by someone like Johnny that has so much to give. A big part of him simply fears he’d bind him down and inevitably hurt him. (which isn’t true, you’re being a fucking dumbass, go to therapy)

But with Regard it’s easier. They’re both honest from the start. It’s much more in line with what she usually does too. They don’t really beat around the bush after the first confrontation because the fight gave Regard the biggest revelation: Ghost cares. A lot more than he wants to show.

And exactly that makes her so comfortable with going with him, what manages to catch her attention and endear him so much to her. It’s why she asks him to join her going to the med bay. Whereas he realized how much more she’s already worked him out and that he really cannot hide from her eyes and stare. (unlike Johnny she’d never question if Ghost would try and get her. She sees his patterns because they’re hers too) And because Regard will simply say whatever comes to mind because why bother hide from a person that had her clocked from the start, she just straight up asks if this will be something regular for them to do. And Ghost says yes because where the hell would be the harm? It’s nice, having someone there that understands, that knows what the silences and weird behavior mean, that you can find solace in because neither of them really have anywhere else to return to.

So (returning back to Reg’s point of view here).

Whereas Soap feels fuzzy and like the sun, Ghost simply. Clicks. Like a place you never had but somehow still know. There's very little blushing involved here, but a coming together of two people that quickly saw the other person for who they are and found comfort in just that. And because they do, they don't shy away from the ugly side of the other. Reg doesn't hide her panic attacks and dissociative episodes from him, because he understands why she has them and how to act. Ghost lets Reg stay with him after his night terrors because she's there, she has them too, he'll do the same for her. Something something, people of misty mornings and cigarettes and all that. And though it starts as simple understanding and comfort and silent support, they end up offering their whole being because neither of them thinks it's much anyway, so let’s give it to the person that understands that.

And then the wildest shit happens.

Because they’re both so willing to go all in with each other, they end up being warm. and safe. and fuzzy. Reg only realized exactly how deep her feelings run when Ghost woke her up one morning with a cup of coffee, already dressed and asking her what she wants for breakfast cause he's going to the baker. That's the moment she knows that this isn’t just finding comfort and understanding, but that she’s in goddamn love. And it's mutual because one day Regard asks if he wants help with cutting his hair back to regular, she can do that no problem and he says yes and he watches her in the mirror while she sings along to Earth Wind n Fire and something in him goes very still that moment.

They somehow managed to create a soft, little domestic thing that neither absolutely ever thought possible, not with them, not with the lives they lead and what that had done to them. But here it is and now? Now Ghost helps Reg with wash day and she gets him new nail polish and they realize they're in love with each other and holy shit. Holy shit, they just proved they can do that and not fuck it up. Yes, it's difficult and they're relearning a lot of stuff about communication and letting others care for you and how to not be terrified of having someone this fucking close again, but they did it. They don’t even get to do the whole ‘noooooo, I’ll push u away because ur close’ because they’re too amazed that they somehow managed to have a healthy and loving relationship that makes both of them happy without either of them noticing. And it's because they realize that they can do it that the idea pops up of having Johnny too.

They both know that the other is in love with Johnny. It was fairly simple tbh. Ghost asked her why she lets Johnny carry her around bridal style for shits and giggles whereas she responds with at least ‘I’m not trying to woo him with bad puns’. (“You love my puns.””Doesn’t mean they’re good.”) and they both stare at each other for about three seconds and go, ahhhhh fuck. We’re pretty hopeless. Damn :/

But then they see that they can in fact make shit work and fuck fuck fuck, Johnny. Queue to these two idiots trying to do a terrible sort of investigation whether Johnny likes one or maybe even the both of them, which basically means you get two absolutely unhinged weirdos trying to flirt with their crush. They can flirt with others (at least Ghost can, I see you ‘I love kentucky’), but there’s stakes now goddamnit. It mostly means that they stare weirdly from across the room and check for him obsessively and offer a spar every single chance they can. They’re bad at this, please don’t judge them (actually yeah, do. it’s hilarious)

Anyway, Soap during this whole ordeal has noticed the moment Ghost and Reg started their. Something. and decided to pull back. Because he thinks it’s the right thing to do. Because he watches Ghost look at Reg a bit more softly, pressing his foot against hers when she stares at the poor lad across from her during a meeting because she doesn’t know how to handle other’s right now and he grounds her with the simple move. And he sees Reg nudge Ghost’s shoulder, not saying anything as she checks up on him because an old wound twinged and he closes his eyes before giving an almost non existent nod. And both feel more grounded in a way that Johnny didn’t manage and it fucking hurts, ngl, but he’s happy for them, because he loves both of them and he wants them to have that. Tears at his skin that it’s not him, but what can he do? (Talk, Johnny. That’s what you do) And because he’s one stubborn motherfucker, the idea burns itself into his skull. ‘They’re happy, leave them alone, they’re happy, leave them alone, they’re happy, leave them alone-’

So now you have Johnny, absolutely refusing to see any signs that he normally would pick up in an instant because he attributes most of their weird behavior to the fact that they now have each other and are changing a bit apparently. Which, true, but not in the way you’re thinking my dude. And the other two, one that usually just fucking shuts off when too many emotions are involved and has the emotional delicacy of an elephant, and one that has so many emotions that he tends to simply ignore them in favour of creating almost another persona in favour of caring for himself and neither of them knows how to handle an honest to god crush that they actively wanna try and make into a relationship (they’re so weird. so, so weird. love that for them)

Which is how they end up with the whole bar confession, because they’re both done, have tried their ‘subtle’ ways of showing affection and gauging what Soap’s feelings on them are and after coming to the very logical conclusion, well, he thinks we’re hot and he likes us both and that is something right? They just go and confront him. (liquid courage is a hell of a booster btw)

and all that is to say, I think Johnny is very, very smart and perspective. But he’s also hurt and stubborn and refuses to see any signs because he doesn’t wanna get his hopes up because he thinks it’s delusional and they just managed to find someone that makes them happy, right? While the other two only now realize that they can in fact have working relationships and be loved and safe but how do we communicate that we also want that with you and maybe therapy isn’t such a bad idea, huh?

All three are very smart. But they’re also very dumb, weird and have terrible ideas of wooing another person because all three are a good bit unhinged and they’re weird, weird weird weird but it all turns out well.

#simon ghost riley #commander ghost #john soap mactavish #commander soap #juliette regard dione #commander regard #holy shit this turned long fuck me #but yeah #ghostsoap #ghoag #yes #that is in fact the official name thx #but i finally wrote stuff out about my lads #isnt that great?????#ayayayayayyay #ajekyllsramble

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reviewsthatburn · 10 months

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*The linked review contains spoilers for the first three novels in the main series. LAST VIOLENT CALL is a pair of novellas best read after FOUL LADY FORTUNE by Chloe Gong.

#BookReviews #Highly Recommended #Historical #Mystery #last violent call #secret shanghai #chloe gong #foul lady fortune #these violent delights

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mrsaito58 · 2 years

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Today I gave up on reading a novel [something I am more willing to allow myself to do nowadays than when I was younger]. It's very short, more technically a novella — about 120 pages — and I got about halfway through it before deciding I'd had enough. The author is, as it happens, a very well known showbiz personality, whose work on screen I have always enjoyed immensely. And, when seeing him on talk shows, I always found his “real life self” to be warm and engaging, although in a quiet way. I guess I was expecting to find his writing to be similarly warm and engaging, and ended up disappointed in that regard. All along, I was thinking about why this story wasn't connecting with me, and finally I think I figured it out. This guy's writing, at least in this book, is so cold and aloof and disconnected, I got an undercurrent from it that “I don't really care about any of these characters or what happens to them, none of it interests me, so I have no idea why any of it might interest you.” This is the first time I can recall being consciously aware of this: part of what I respond to in any creator's work is the love with which they made it. It can be a story, or a painting, or a musical composition, or a blanket — anything, really. But, on some level, I get a sense that the artist was emotionally engaged with their work. “I like this, it means something to me, and if I'm lucky it will mean something to you, too.” I never realized before that I somehow pick up on this unspoken sense of the creator's love, and that this enhances my own appreciation and enjoyment of what they have made. This may all well be nothing more than my imagination — but, for me, it's a real thing to be taken into consideration. And it reminds me to care about my own work.

#creativity #maybe that's just me #writing #art #music

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books-letstalkaboutem · 3 years

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The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue Quotes that I Loved

This is just a list of quotes or excerpts that I highlighted while reading the book- literally all of them and there are a lot. I’m going to go ahead and say spoilers below just because there are so many quotes and while I don’t think the quotes actually spoil anything, I don’t want to accidentally spoil something for someone.

Some of the quotes might seem a little weird out of context but these are quotes that hit close to home, made me say “Hell, yeah, Addie!!!", quotes that made me laugh, and then basically all of the other quotes that I loved while reading.

I know that I didn't completely fall in love with this book like so many other people did, but it was still so beautifully written and there were so many amazing quotes in this book.

And just a heads up, I read this on my kindle, just in case the page numbers I list don’t match with your copy of the book.

Spoilers Below:

Quotes that Hit Close to Home

“Three and twenty, a third of a life already buried.” Page 39

“The day passes like a sentence. The sun falls like a scythe.” Page 41

“[...] and when she dies it will be as though she never lived.” Page 42

“I am so tired of not having choices, so scared of the years rushing past beneath my feet. I do not want to die as I’ve lived, which is no life at all. I—” Page 46

“[...] she swears sometimes her memory runs forward as well as back, unspooling to show the roads she’ll never get to travel. But that way lies madness, and she has learned not to follow.” Page 61

“His parents meant well, of course, but they always told him things like Cheer up, or It will get better, or worse, It’s not that bad, which is easy to say when you’ve never had a day of rain.” Page 97

“But then a night would go long, and a day would start late, and now he feels like there’s no time at all. Like he is always late for something.” Page 119

““I see someone who cares,” she says slowly. “Perhaps too much. Who feels too much. I see someone lost, and hungry. The kind of person who feels like they’re wasting away in a world full of food, because they can’t decide what they want.”” Page 140

““Life is so brief, and every night in Rennes I’d go to bed, and lie awake, and think, there is another day behind me, and who knows how few ahead.”” Page 167

““I mean feeling like it’s surging by so fast, and you try to reach out and grab it, you try to hold on, but it just keeps rushing away. And every second, there’s a little less time, and a little less air, and sometimes when I’m sitting still, I start to think about it, and when I think about it, I can’t breathe. I have to get up. I have to move.”” Page 177

““Small places make for small lives. And some people are fine with that. They like knowing where to put their feet. But if you only walk in other people’s steps, you cannot make your own way. You cannot leave a mark.”” Page 179

“It was such a lovely jar she had kept them in. But the glass is cracking now. The water leaking through.” Page 215

“Moments of joy register as brief, but ecstatic. Moments of pain stretch long and unbearably loud.” Page 225

“[...] you’ve never felt called to any one thing. There is no violent push in one direction, but a softer nudge a hundred different ways, and now all of them feel out of reach. Page 226

“[...] in wanting to live, to learn, to find yourself, you’ve gotten lost.” Page 226

“He lets it ring, holds his breath until it stops. He tells himself that if they call again, he’ll answer. If they call again, he’ll tell them he is not okay. But the phone doesn’t ring a second time.” Page 229

“He misses the structure, misses the path, misses the purpose. And maybe it wasn’t a perfect fit, but nothing is.” Page 257

“That he’d blinked and somehow years had gone by, and everyone else had carved their trenches, paved their paths, and he was still standing in a field, uncertain where to dig.” Page 283

“And those first two years, he was happy. He had Bea, and Robbie, and all he had to do was learn. Build a foundation. It was the house, the one that he was supposed to build on top of that smooth surface, that was the problem. It was just so … permanent.” 283

“Choosing a class became choosing a discipline, and choosing a discipline became choosing a career, and choosing a career became choosing a life, and how was anyone supposed to do that, when you only had one?” Page 283

““The vexing thing about time,” he says, “is that it’s never enough. Perhaps a decade too short, perhaps a moment. But a life always ends too soon.”” Page 333

“He is all restless energy, and urgent need, and there isn’t enough time, and he knows of course that there will never be. That time always ends a second before you’re ready. That life is the minutes you want minus one.” Page 421

“The world is wide, and he’s seen so little of it with his own eyes. He wants to travel, to take photos, listen to other people’s stories, maybe make some of his own. After all, life seems very long sometimes, but he knows it will go so fast, and he doesn’t want to miss a moment.” Page 438

Quotes that Made Me Laugh

“Henry loves his sister, he does. But Muriel’s always been like strong perfume. Better in small doses. And at a distance.” Page 120

““Sorry, Book,” she mutters, lifting the cat gingerly onto the back of the old chair, where he does his best impression of an inconvenienced bread loaf.” Page 248

““It’s Halloween!” defends Robbie. “It’s the twenty-third,” says Henry, but Robbie treats holidays the way he treats birthdays, stretching them from days into weeks, and sometimes into seasons.” Page 274

Quotes that made me say “Hell, yeah, Addie!!!”

“If she must grow roots, she would rather be left to flourish wild instead of pruned, would rather stand alone, allowed to grow beneath the open sky. Better that than firewood, cut down just to burn in someone else’s hearth.” Page 31

“[...]from this moment forward, her life will be her own.” Page 48

“There is a defiance in being a dreamer.” Page 117

““It has only been two years,” she says. “Think of all the time I have, and all the things I’ll see.”” Page 132

“It will take time, but time is the one thing Addie has plenty of. So she opens her eyes, and starts again.” Page 192

“But then Addie straightens, lifts her chin, smiles with an almost defiant kind of joy. “But isn’t it wonderful,” she says, “to be an idea?”” Page 261

Quotes that I Love

“[...] never pray to the gods that answer after dark.” Page 7

“What is a person, if not the marks they leave behind?” Page 15

“The things that last, even when memories don’t.” Page 16

“As if you couldn’t like one place and want to see another.” Page 23

“Books, she has found, are a way to live a thousand lives—or to find strength in a very long one.” Page 35

“The kind of place where time slips and blurs, where a month, a year, a life can go missing.” Page 39

“[...] attraction can look an awful lot like recognition in the wrong light.” Page 56

“The rise isn’t worth the fall.” Page 56

“Being trapped, buried alive, these are the things that scare you when you cannot die.” Page 57

“Funny, how some people take an age to warm, and others simply walk into every room as if it’s home.” Page 58

“Déjà vu. Déjà su. Déjà vécu. Already seen. Already known. Already lived.” Page 66

“[...]a lifetime of knowing brushed away like a tear.” Page 73

“[...] and it is sad, of course, to forget. But it is a lonely thing, to be forgotten. To remember when no one else does.” Page 77

“[...] ideas are so much wilder than memories, that they long and look for ways of taking root.” Page 77

““These days, everyone’s looking down,” muses Sam. “It’s nice to see someone looking up.”” Page 101

“Being forgotten, she thinks, is a bit like going mad. You begin to wonder what is real, if you are real. After all, how can a thing be real if it cannot be remembered?” Page 103

“If a person cannot leave a mark, do they exist?” Page 103

“Dreamer is too soft a word. It conjures thoughts of silken sleep, of lazy days in fields of tall grass, of charcoal smudges on soft parchment.” Page 11

“She considers the cut of their clothes, the absence of bone stays or bustled skirts, and thinks, not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, how much simpler it would be to be a man, how easily they move through the world, and at such little cost.” Page 129

““I remember you.”” Page 135

“The darkness claimed he’d given her freedom, but really, there is no such thing for a woman, not in a world where they are bound up inside their clothes, and sealed inside their homes, a world where only men are given leave to roam.” Page 163

“She watches these men and wonders anew at how open the world is to them, how easy the thresholds.” Page 165

““I think there are many ways to matter.”” Page 179

“But ideas are so much wilder than memories, so much faster to take root.”” Page 210

“He is full of roots, while she has only branches.” Page 212

“Easy to stay on the path when the road is straight and the steps are numbered.” Page 229

“Outside the window, the day just carries on as if nothing’s changed, but it feels like everything has, because Addie LaRue is immortal, and Henry Strauss is damned.” Page 235

“[...]I didn’t want to live forever. I just wanted to live.”” Page 236

““There’s this family photo,” he says, “not the one in the hall, this other one, from back when I was six or seven. That day was awful. Muriel put gum in David’s book and I had a cold, and my parents were fighting right up until the flash went off. And in the photo, we all look so … happy. I remember seeing that picture and realizing that photographs weren’t real. There’s no context, just the illusion that you’re showing a snapshot of a life, but life isn’t snapshots, it’s fluid. So photos are like fictions. I loved that about them. Everyone thinks photography is truth, but it’s just a very convincing lie.”” Page 239

“God, it feels good to be wanted.” Page 256

“[...] And ideas are wilder than memories. They’re like weeds, always finding their way up.”” Page 261

“Homesick—Henry knows that one is supposed to mean sick for home, not from it, but it still feels right.” Page 262

“Dressing up, he thinks, is just like watching cartoons, something you enjoyed as a kid, before it passes through the no man’s land of teen angst, the ironic age of early twenties. And then somehow, miraculously, it crosses back into the realm of the genuine, the nostalgic. A place reserved for wonder.” Page 274

“Bea always says returning to campus is like coming home. But it doesn’t feel that way to Henry. Then again, he never felt at home at home, only a vague sense of dread, the eggshell-laden walk of someone constantly in danger of disappointing.” 282

“He doesn’t know what he believes, hasn’t for a long time, but it’s hard to entirely discount the presence of a higher power when he recently sold his soul to a lower one.” Page 284

““You can’t make people love you, Hen. If it’s not a choice, it isn’t real.”” Page 290

“He has asked the wrong god for the wrong thing, and now he is enough because he is nothing. He is perfect, because he isn’t there.” Page 290

“A life reduced to a block of stone, a patch of grass.” Page 299

“The present folding on top of the past instead of erasing it, replacing it.” Page 306

“She knows the paint will fade, rinsed off by a puddle, or simply wiped away by time, but that’s how memories are supposed to work. There—and then, little by little, gone.” Page 307

“Without the bells, the organ, the bodies crowding in for services, the church feels abandoned. Less a house of worship and more a tomb.” Page 311

“God is so large, why build walls to hold Him in?” Page 311

“Once you know about a thing, you start to see it everywhere. Someone says the words purple elephant, and all of a sudden, you catch sight of them in shop windows and on T-shirts, stuffed animals and billboards, and you wonder how you never noticed.” Page 314

“There is a freedom, after all, in being forgotten.” 325

“Memories are stiff, but thoughts are freer things. They throw out roots, they spread and tangle, and come untethered from their source. They are clever, and stubborn, and perhaps—perhaps—they are in reach.” Page 327

“They’ve been lucky, so lucky, but the trouble with luck is that it always ends.” 329

““You said it yourself, Luc. Ideas are wilder than memories. And I can be wild. I can be stubborn as the weeds, and you will not root me out. And I think you are glad of it. I think that’s why you’ve come, because you are lonely, too.”” Page 332

“She closes her eyes, reminds herself there are many ways to leave a mark, reminds herself that pictures lie.” Page 337

“She may not feel the years weakening her bones, her body going brittle with age, but the weariness is a physical thing, like rot, inside her soul. There are days when she mourns the prospect of another year, another decade, another century. There are nights when she cannot sleep, moments when she lies awake and dreams of dying. But then she wakes, and sees the pink and orange dawn against the clouds, or hears the lament of a lone fiddle, the music and the melody, and remembers there is such beauty in the world. And she does not want to miss it— any of it.” Page 342

“Luc’s smile darkens. “Because time is cruel to all, and crueler still to artists. Because vision weakens, and voices wither, and talent fades.” He leans close, twists a lock of her hair around one finger. “Because happiness is brief, and history is lasting, and in the end,” he says, “everyone wants to be remembered.”” Page 351

“It is a sign, when even gods and devils dread a fight.” Page 367

“And this, he decides, is what a good-bye should be. Not a period, but an ellipsis, a statement trailing off, until someone is there to pick it up. It is a door left open. It is drifting off to sleep.” Page 419

#the invisible life of addie larue quotes #the invisible life of addie larue #the invisible life of addie larue by ve schwab #ve schwab #quotes #my favorite quotes #addie larue #henry strauss #luc #bookish quotes

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nanami-says · 3 years

Text

Part III (1/2): chapters 19-25

Vs. Mahito Arc

Chapter 19 (aka why this blog exists)

J:”Yeah, we know that. But we flatter her because she looks easy.”

⇒ ”And the three of them know it as well. But they flatter you exaggeratedly anyway because they think you’ll let them do you”

Actually Junpei’s lines.

J:”I can’t believe people like that go to my school.”

Not incorrect, I just want to point out that Junpei didn’t just say “people”, the word he used is “race” (人種）, which implies he doesn’t see them as the same kind of human he is.

J:”Was it that guy who did it? There’s no way a person could do that! If he did it, he must not be human.”

⇒ “Was it that person just now? No, would such a thing be even possible for a human being? And if it was, would they really be a ‘human being’?”

Overall correct but the flow was different. Mind you, 人 can be translated both as “person” and “human being” (among others) depending on the context. Imo this captures the nuance better but YMMV!

N:”I’m here to identify the truth and uphold the law. There was a time when I thought the society had the same goals”

⇒ ”Adapting to the facts [in front of you] and managing yourself accordingly. That’s who I am. There was a time where I mistakenly believed society operated on the same basis.”

This was really hard to translate, especially since the phrase Nanami uses here is rather formal language. I actually checked the official anime subtitles for this one and they went with “I adhere to the facts and judge on that basis”, which I guess is close enough? I’d probably go with it as well if not for the fact that he doesn’t just say 律する but 己を律する (己/onore = I/me in humble language).

Seems like the exact meaning of the phrase is difficult to understand even for Japanese people - there are whole articles out there breaking down the meaning and giving examples of how to implement it in life 8D Anyway, the simplest explanation is “to control yourself”, with further nuance of “enforcing rules on yourself in order to achieve a goal”, “restricting your desires and impulses by your own will” etc.

Thanks a lot, Gege.

Btw, Ino, who respects Nanami greatly and considers him a mentor, actually uses the same phrase, word for word, in ch. 95! (事実に即し、己を律する) That’s how important it is. Also, continuity!

Y:”Let’s do it!”

N:”There’s no need to get excited”

⇒ Y:“Let’s go all out!!”

N:”No, if moderate’s enough, let’s just do it moderately”

They both used descriptors for just what kind of intensity they should approach the mission with. Imo, an important distinction because after they learn the full extent of the situation, Nanami takes back his words from this moment and agrees with Yuuji, going as far as to use the same words Yuuji did here.

N:”I wonder what others would think hearing you say that”

⇒ “I’m sure the others wouldn’t want to hear that from you [of all people]”

So not so much “don’t be rude” as “dude, you’re the weirdest of them all”. Emphasis mine.

N:”What I learned at Jujutsu High is that jujutsu sorcerers are idiots”

& “What I realized while at the office is that work is idiotic”

He actually says “shit” both times lol. If it was just the humour that suffered here, it still wouldn’t be too awful but unfortunately it’s not just that. The “sorcerers are shit” line gets recalled when Nanami’s facing death, trapped in Mahito’s domain, which makes it pretty damn important. It gets translated yet differently by the official release then, too, which further damages continuity I believe Gege intended for this.

”So I took the lesser of two evils. Nothing more, nothing less”

⇒ “If both are shit, then I just chose the one I’m more cut out for. That’s all as far as the reason for my coming back is concerned.”

I mean, if we realllllly insist on watering down everything that Nanami says (as JJK translators apparently did), then the basic meaning was conveyed but the original wording and nuance was closer to what I proposed.

N:”Prove to me that you can be useful in spite of the demon Sukuna inside of you”

⇒ “Give your best to prove that you’re useful despite carrying the bomb that Sukuna is.”

Considering how 2 pages later Nanami tells Yuuji that he’s not the one Yuuji should be proving himself to, it’d have been weird if this is actually what he’d said, wouldn’t it. But Nanami’s nothing if not reasonable, so that wasn’t the case.

Y:”I’m weak and useless. I’ve been hearing a lot of that these days”

⇒ “That I’m weak and useless... I’ve been realising that to a painful extent these days”

“I’ve been hearing it” would imply that someone was actually saying it either to Yuuji himself or to others which he was aware of. (I mean, other than Sukuna.) The original wording doesn’t really hold such connotation.

N:”If you think you’re in trouble, let me know”

Y:”Have some faith in me, will ya? Just a little.”

N:”It’s not about faith.(...)”

Y:”A child? I’d rather be underestimated”.

⇒ N:“If you decide you cannot win, please call me.”

Y:”Aren’t you underestimating me too much?”

N:”This is not about ‘underestimating’ or ‘not underestimating’.(...)

Y:”[Even] being underestimated would’ve been better over being treated like a kid.”

I guess the translators wanted to avoid saying “underestimate” 3 times in a row? Albeit that’s what the original does.

More importantly though!!

N:”I’m an adult and you’re a child. I have the obligation to look after you”

⇒ “(...) It’s my obligation to prioritise you over myself.”

Quite a different nuance, right. Not just “I have to look after you” but “your well-being [life] takes priority over my own”.

N:”Experiencing these little losses is what helps people grow into adults”

⇒ “It’s the accumulation of such small despairs that turns people into adults”

Not that wildly different but despairs (hopelessnesses) >>> losses, y/y. Also “helps” made it sound more positive when it’s both a poignant and at the same time dry statement.

Chapter 20

N:”There are techniques that aren’t affected if revealed to certain enemies”

Those two feel more like separate examples to me. I.e. that there are techniques that aren’t affected if revealed, and there are some enemies that you can afford to reveal your technique to. Could apply simultaneously but don’t necessarily have to, if that makes sense?

“There is a merit to revealing one’s hand and the rules it initiates. You can make your technique even more effective.”

⇒ “It has its merits too. The ‘binding’ of ‘revealing one’s hand’ amplifies the effectiveness of your technique.”

Wild lost “binding” appears! Like I indicated before, it’s the lack of consistency to translating terms that are consistent in the original, that has negatively affected the fans’ ability to understand the basics of jjk techniques and world-building.

[Explaining Yuuji’s divergent fist]

GJ:”But it’s a lot easier said than done for anyone else.”

⇒ “It’s not something that can be easily done on purpose”

N:”His physical strength is superhuman. The impact of his hit doesn’t have incredibly strong energy, but it’s still about 20% more than a normal sorcerer. That means his delayed hit comes from his main source of cursed energy. It must be quite annoying for those on the receiving end. Such potential. If he’s able to go out all and combine his full physical strength with a cursed technique…”

⇒ “(...) The initial impact contains little cursed energy but it still achieves 120% of an average sorcerer. And then the actual cursed energy hits with a delay. For those on the receiving end it must be more unpleasant than one could imagine. And he’s got potential for growth, too. If he becomes able to add 100% of cursed energy to a 100% body…”

Uhh, this was a tricky one because on the first read it doesn’t seem that terribly wrong but when you read the original carefully, you realise this and that got lost in translation. My version should be closer to the original meaning.

I:”We’re going to have to ask the murderer about the technique”

⇒ “That’s just something that you can’t know unless you ask the offender about their technique”

Obviously Ieiri wasn’t suggesting to literally ask the murderer.

“However there’s evidence the brain stems were modified. Their consciousness were also modified to create a state of confusion”

⇒ (...) This was probably done to create a disturbance of consciousness... a state of mental confusion”

Slightly different nuance for this one.

Y:”For me, the gravity of death is the same regardless. This isn’t right!”

First sentence is mostly correct but it should’ve been “the gravity of death of another person” (emphasis mine).

Second sentence sounds too mild for what is actually Yuuji being super mad specifically about the way those people were killed? The phrase he uses means something like "This is just in way too poor taste”, “way too vulgar” etc. I guess if you went for a less literal translation, you could say “just too disgusting”/”revolting”.

N:”This matter won’t be taken care of so easily. Let’s do it”

⇒ “Looks like ‘moderately’ won’t be enough here. Let’s go all out.”

This is the instance of Nanami retracting his words and backing Yuuji up by borrowing his own words that I mentioned earlier!

M:”Jujutsu sorcerers brand such entities as “special grade potential spirits” and fear them as much as powerful curses. The fact that they categorize them as such really shows their shallowness”

⇒ “Jujutsu sorcerers register them as “special grade potential apparitions” and remain on alert against them [on alert for their appearance]. The same applies to powerful unidentified curses. That they categorise them as ‘potential apparitions’ just shows how little they truly see.”

It’s not that sorcerers fear them per se but that they (most likely) monitor them and are on guard against them. When followed up by the “what people truly genuinely fear are natural disasters [forces of nature]” conversation, it becomes clear that what Mahito scorns sorcerers for is their short-sightedness for thinking all powerful curses must be born out of people’s imagination, ~urban legends~ etc.

[Junpei asking what Mahito was born from]

M:”Thanks to the hatred spewed between people I was born”

⇒ “I’m a curse born out of the fear and hatred people harbour towards [other] people"

or even

“I’m a curse born out of people hating and fearing people”

Again a quite different nuance. They really shouldn’t have edited “fear” out.

Chapter 21

J:’Don’t you think that whoever first said, ‘The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference’ must be rotting in hell? There’s no way hating people is better than feeling indifferent towards them.”

⇒ “(...) There’s no way that approaching others with evil intentions is better than not interacting [with them] at all”

The first sentence is mostly fine although the original doesn’t include the “is not hate” bit, it only says “the opposite of love is indifference”. The second part is quite different. After all, hating doesn’t necessarily imply there’s any action taken.

“Complicating simple things for the sake of meaning is such a Japanese thing to do”

⇒ “Japanese sure love it - complicating simple answers and gloating in it”

I didn’t like the “for the sake of meaning” bit, imo it’s over-interpreting.

J:”Indifference. That’s what humans should strive for.”

M:”Sounds more like revenge”

J:“Are you saying that I got it all mixed up?”

Junpei’s first line here is fine although interestingly enough he puts it as “a virtue humans should strive for”. Then it’s

⇒ M:“And yet you wish for revenge”

J:”Are you trying to say I’m contradicting myself?”

M:”In this world, only I understand the soul’s composition. I can even transmogrify living beings. Emotions come from the soul. It’s too simplistic to call it ‘heart’. People overthink the things they can’t see. (...)”

⇒ “In this world I’m the only one who understands the soul’s composition. After all, I change the shape of living beings by touching it. Emotions are products of the metabolism of the soul. It’s altogether too mechanical [of a process] to call it a heart. People assign too much value to things invisible to the eye.(...)”

Last one is literally “consider ‘special’ way too much”, simpler wording than what I went with but I tried to make it more legible.

The “metabolism of the soul” phrase is especially vital because Junpei throws it at Yuuji almost word for word when confronted by him at the school after his mother’s death.

More philosophy lessons from Mahito-sensei \o/

“Don’t limit yourself to just being indifferent. There’s no reason to live by such a restricting philosophy.”

⇒ “Don’t allow yourself to be shackled by the ideal called ‘indifference’. There’s no need for there to be consistency in one’s way of life.”

Mahito actually takes the “is ‘consistency’ necessary” stance a few times in the manga, including when he and Getou squabble about the relationship between the body and the soul in Shibuya. A pity about the mistranslation here.

“I support everything you represent, Junpei”

⇒ “I’ll affirm your everything, Junpei”

Imo the act of supporting and the act of affirming while similar aren’t one and the same, hence the change.

N:”Either come alone, or risk bringing Itadori with me. I chose the former, nothing more. He’s still a child, after all.”

⇒ “The risk of venturing [into the enemy’s territory] alone, or the risk of bringing Itadori-kun with me. I simply chose the former. He’s still a child, after all.”

Idk, I feel like cutting out “the risk” from the first option makes Nanami sound more callous? Like Yuuji’s a liability and going by himself is a sounder option. Whereas, it was actually him weighing two risks against each other and deciding that potentially endangering Yuuji is the one he can afford less.

[After Yuuji asks why he doesn’t know important jujutsu related stuff.]

I:”Because Gojou’s your mentor.” ⇒ “it’s because Gojou’s ...”

He actually uses a lovely adjective to describe Gojou, which can mean a plethora of things, including: irresponsible, sloppy, lazy, unreliable, careless, perfunctory etc. etc.

Ichiji? Not a member of Gojou Satoru Fanclub.

Y:”This feels like a bad plan”

⇒ “This feels so staged, I don’t like it.”

Lit. “play [perform, read] one's own work”. I think what Yuuji might’ve meant here was that the plan felt dishonest? Second sentence could also be “I don’t feel up for it.”

Chapter 22

M:”Was that some kind of cursed technique?”

N:”What do you mean by ‘some kind’? I don’t appreciate questions that are left open to interpretation”

⇒ “(...) I hate abstract questions that put the whole burden on the other person”

Lit. “that leave it to others”. Other than Nanami being more straightforward with “hate”/”dislike”, I think this was him expressing he doesn’t like people who don’t even try to think for themselves and immediately demand answers from others instead.

“It would be silly to not assume a connection(...)”

⇒ “It would be more unnatural not to assume a connection(...)”

Different wording (unnatural instead of silly), which imo affects Nanami’s characterisation.

M:”The shape of the body will always be dependent on the shape of the soul”

This sounds a bit too passive and generic? Closer to “The shape of the body gets pulled along by the shape of the soul”, which is literally what Mahito’s technique does.

I’m heavily paraphrasing but!

magazine raw scans: ”it's 6:30 PM now and I started working at 11 AM, so I'm going to finish by 7PM no matter what”

official English release:”it's 5:30 PM now and I started at 10, gotta finish by 6”

The time change is so random, I wonder if Gege simply changed it themselves for the volume release. Maybe to bring it closer to the common office job times? Typical Japanese work day at the office begins at 9AM and lasts 8h + 1h break (completely unpaid but compulsory). I guess if Nanami skipped the break then working 10AM-6PM would make it exactly 8h?

The biggest mystery of jjk.

Chapter 23

M:”Even if sorcerers can protect their bodies using cursed energy, they can’t protect their souls”

⇒ “Even if sorcerers can protect their bodies using cursed energy, they [just] aren’t used to protecting their souls”.

So it’s not that they “can’t” as in “are incapable of” and more that there’s never been the need, so they never learned how and aren’t used to doing it. As proven by Yuuji later it’s not impossible.

M:”Overtime? He restricts himself based on time! He was limiting his power until now!”

⇒ “Overtime work? A ‘biding’ based on time! He was suppressing his power by himself until now!”

Another instance where “binding” as a term makes its appearance (it even uses quotation marks) but wasn’t properly denoted by the translators.

M:”A large-scale attack, and he doesn’t care if he gets hit while doing it!”

⇒ “A large-scale attack [done] with the resolve of [potentially] getting killed along with me!”.

The phrase Mahito uses here is 相打ち, lit. “killing [hitting] each other at the same time”. Also, “doesn’t care” and “is prepared/has the resolve” are quite different, aren’t they.

Chapter 24

J:”The way a perfectionist is willing to lay everything out there is beautifully portrayed”

⇒ ”The change in emotions [leading up] to a perfectionist abandoning everything is properly portrayed here”

I’m including this because knowing Gege, it’s not just simple movie talk, and it’s actually foreshadowing Yuuji’s future fate or something 8D

I can’t decide if it’s “abandon” (also “throw out of the window”) or “sacrifice” because the word used can mean either. I’m leaving that to everyone’s interpretation.

“Like I thought, that sorcerer’s nuts!”

⇒ “He doesn’t look it but he sure does reckless things, that sorcerer”

How does "he doesn't look it but (...)" even become "like I thought (...)"? He was laughing at and enjoying the contrast between Nanami's appearance/attitude and his actions/fighting.

M:”My cursed energy is also controlled by my will”

⇒ “The spending of cursed energy too is among things I can supply by myself.”

I’m not entirely sure because it’s a tricky one, so take this one with a grain of salt. But the official release is definitely missing “spending/expenditure” and Mahito isn’t talking about using/manipulating his cursed energy in general but “the amount of cursed energy spent”.

“Mr. Irresponsible Gojou” ⇒ “Devil-may-care Gojou-san”

“Mr. Mature Nanami” ⇒ “The adult of [all] adults Nanami-san”/”the adult above all adults”

I just really enjoy Ichiji and his little epithets, I guess.

J:”Have you ever killed anyone?”

⇒ “Have you ever killed a human being/another human?”

Just putting it out there because imo there's a distinction between “anyone” and “a human being”. Especially considering how much of this arc was questioning what being a human means.

Y:”Um… I mean, the choice to kill will definitely find its way to me”

⇒ "How to put it... once I've killed someone, "killing" would become one of the possible options [to take] in my life".

Maybe the nuance was there in the official release too and I just didn't pick up on it but to me the former makes it sound more like he’s saying "I may still have to kill one day". Whereas the original seems to hold the connotation that if you do something once - even if it’s something as horrible as killing another human being - it becomes easier to do it again in the future because it's a choice you've made before, it's not untouchable anymore.

Chapter 25

[Yuuji expressing his regret over Nanami choosing to go fight Mahito alone.]

"Am I in your way, Nanamin?”

⇒ “Am I a burden [to you], Nanamin?”

A different nuance for this line.

“’My friend died but I wasn’t there because I’m a child.’ I wouldn't do that to you. That said"

⇒ "’My comrade died. But I wasn’t there. Why? Because I am a child.’ I would hate something like that" [to be put in such a position]

And this is just pure mistranslation. The whole “my comrade died but I wasn’t there because I’m a child” line is actually Yuuji painting a possible scenario (he does it with short sentences but the speech is overall polite). What they translated as “that said” was actually a follow-up to that scenario and could be translated as “something like that”.

N:”Being a child is not a bad thing”

⇒ “Being a child is in no way a crime”

I wanted to point this out since the original word’s most common meaning is actually “sin”, which is significantly heavier than just “not a bad thing”. Could also go with a milder “is not something to feel guilty about” here I guess.

G:”How’s the curtain coming along?”

M:”Can’t get in, can get out. This only applies to humans with weak cursed energy.”

⇒ G:”What’s the effect of the ‘curtain’?”

M:“Can't get out from the inside, can get in from the outside. (...)”

Literally the opposite for the curtain’s effect. Emphasis is Gege’s, too! Also Getou’s question was actually about how exactly the curtain in question would work, and not just how it was coming along.

M:”We’ll make them fight and force Yuji Itadori to make a binding vow in Sukuna’s favor”

Just to reiterate, whenever “binding vow” appears, it’s actually just “binding”.

[to part iii (2/2)]

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jujutsukaisen #jjktranslation #jjk translation

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makeste · 4 years

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literally just a giant post of Bakugou faces.

today, 4/20 (actually it is very much still only 4/19 over here, but to heck with it, we’re getting an early start dammit), is Bakugou Katsuki’s birthday. and as someone who loves Bakugou and who also hasn’t found much worth rejoicing about in April 2020 in general, it’s important to me to celebrate the shit out of this day. but these are strange times and I am le tired, and so what my tired brain ended up arriving at was “just do a post about how much you love his stupid face.”

so these are my favorite Bakugou faces. I stopped after Kacchan vs. Deku because this post was already like 100k words (slight exaggeration) with like 40,000 faces (slight), and because this already took forever and the next 130-something chapters were only going to have about one fifth as many good faces compared to the first 120, even though there are some good ones there still to be sure. but anyway, so there are no spoilers here.

happy birthday Kacchan, and happy birthday to Kacchan’s angsty side profile with his hair covering his eyes.

why I like it: he scured.

lol but seriously. because up until this point he’s just been a complete asshole. even after he gets grabbed by sludgeman, he’s all “AS IF I’D LET THIS MUDMAN TAKE MY BODY FOR HIMSELF”, and he’s all feral-looking, and at first you’re like “eh he’ll be fine.” but then along comes this panel to serve as our narrator saying “he was not fine.” because he really is not. and on the page before this too, you can see how tired and desperate his struggles are starting to get. and absolutely no one is trying to help him. and he’s fighting, he’s straining, but he can’t. fucking. breathe.

and then this panel. and he’s just a kid. he looks so very, very young here, like this is the youngest he looks throughout the entire series except for in his flashbacks, and it’s because all the pride and bluster and anger are stripped away and he’s just a boy underneath it and he’s scared. “you looked like you needed saving.” exactly. exactly. and for Katsuki to actually ask for help is so rare. so you know that when he does ask (and he absolutely was begging for someone to come help him even though he couldn’t vocalize it. credit to Horikoshi for conveying all of that emotion in a single panel), he really, really needs it. thankfully there was one person watching who finally snapped himself out of that “a hero’s bound to come along soon” mindset that had everyone else gripped, and realized that he needed to be that hero.

why I like it: because he’s humiliated and fairly shaken up and also the most handsome he’s looked up until this point, but most of all he’s just chewing his lip and being all “god fucking dammit did fucking Deku really just save me, fuck my life, why is the universe fucking dumb.” like even after this hugely traumatizing experience, he’s incredibly resilient to the point where after he calms down, his lingering emotions are mainly just “smdh this is a new level of irritated even for me.” he is so brave and thickheaded and tough and absurdly, ridiculously petty jesus christ.

why I like it: like the old man said. his face just screams “I’m a rotten thief.”

there’s so much personality in this one expression. and then it’s juxtaposed against proto!Katsuki who I really desperately just want to punch in the face. just. my son my be a dick, but by god he’s an honest dick.

why I like it: baby?? cute baby??? mine?? my baby?!?

he’s just like. “I got it all figured out. gosh I’m so good at life.” that is the face of a child who has never encountered a single difficulty in his very young existence. everything is easy and he expects to be good at everything and he always is and he’s so, so pleased with himself. with a kid that little you really don’t want to go and shatter their dreams just yet, but maybe someone should have taken him down just a peg or two before it all got out of hand. alas. he was so cute that nobody wanted to and I can’t even blame them because he’s just that fucking cute, though.

why I like it: this is a very underrated panel which I think most people probably don’t even recall. it’s from chapter 11 just after he loses to Deku and Iida, and specifically right after Momo just completely lays into him and explains in vivid detail exactly how stupid every single one of his decisions was lmao. and it’s like he’s just had his eyes opened. he talks about her speech later, too, so it clearly had an impact.

there is no pride here at all. initially when I was reading this, I thought he was still shell-shocked. but looking back at it, and knowing what I do now about his unexpected willingness to accept criticism (something I certainly wouldn’t have expected during my first readthrough of this chapter), I think this is also a genuine “!” face as he realizes that she’s completely fucking right. YOU DONE GOOFED SON. but it’s okay because he learned from it!

also look how big his eyes are. when they get all wide like that. it’s so rare that I have to appreciate each and every time it happens. also he has no right to have such thick eyelashes. goddammit.

why I like it: because he’s strongest at his moment of weakness! because he’s upset but he learned from it! because he is such a strikingly human character with such complex emotions and there’s such a lovely mix of them on display here and that shit is my weakness! because this is when I signed the adoption papers (well, had them finalized after I initially obtained them after the “you looked like you needed saving” face in chapter 1, at least)!! because he always cries in front of Deku and doesn’t get embarrassed, but then he does get embarrassed if anyone else shows up! because his emotions around Deku are so raw and out of control! because the intensity of them is as compelling as it is confusing! but mostly because someone showing fierce determination while simultaneously showing intense vulnerability is basically the cheat code to unlocking my heart, and also the best thing anyone can ever draw in a shounen manga. thank you I’ll take infinity of them.

why I like it: because half of 1-A saw this face and instantly thought “fuck that’s hot” and then went “!! oh fuck me” but it was too late! that’s right kids. even knowing firsthand what a trashpile he can be, you’re still not immune to his charms. that confidence, though.

why I like it: the face of a boy who has just realized that holy shit, there are other people in his class. nothing gets past him. his reflexes are too fast.

why I like it: the slow motion (this is such a cool moment even if it’s at his expense lol), and the fact that this is such a weird and totally unique expression, and yet he somehow almost manages to make it look good. actually he does make it look good, let’s be real. of course, this was back when Horikoshi had more time to roll up his sleeves and really get into the art. look at all that shading goddamn.

why I like it: he cares!! he has feelings!! he has concern about someone other than him omfg whaaaaaat.

he’s so unsettled by what he just heard about Todoroki. the guy who was so strong and cool turned out to have an absolutely horrifying shounen protagonist past that he never let on about. honestly this scene is one of the reasons why I’m so strongly in favor of not interpreting Katsuki’s parents as abusive; because I just really like the character arc of him actually having a pretty good childhood, all things considered, but still having all these problems. because sometimes people actually do have everything going for them and yet they still screw up, because people are only human and sometimes you can fuck up (or be fucked up) even on easy mode! and if that happens it doesn’t mean you’re any more to blame, or more worthy of derision or scorn, or that you already had your chance so screw you, or any of that! anyway so that’s just such an interesting and relatively rare thing to explore and so I like it.

anyway. so just, the idea of him thinking of Todoroki as someone who had it made all his life, only to realize that’s not actually the case at all and that he’s actually the privileged one in comparison, just makes for a really great character-building moment. it’s a really big wake up call for him, especially given that he’s so often just wrapped up in himself and his own concerns still at this stage of the game. and it’s a moment that has a lasting impact on him and that he doesn’t forget, and it helps contribute to him starting to learn more empathy.

why I like it: my child is rabid please help.

but he’s so happy to have Ochako prove to be such an unexpectedly worthwhile opponent. she was sneaky and she nearly got him and he only just made it out by the skin of his teeth and fuck yes, that was awesome. he was really ready to throw down some more with her and it was gonna be the highlight of his fucking day. I just love seeing him acknowledge other people’s strength, because we know the value he places on being strong. so that’s a ton of respect from him, and Ochako fucking earned it, and this is just a great moment.

why I like it: just casually spittin facts and launching ships. nothing to see here move along.

why I like it: for everyone reblogging that one scene of shoujou!Bakugou from the anime over and over again, I just want to remind you all that as great as that scene is, we shouldn’t forget that in the manga he can be effortlessly handsome without even trying.

why I like it: as I said above.

why I like it: another one of the infamous “haah!?” faces. whenever he does these that one raised-eyebrow eye always goes so wide, and even though he’s trying to look like a pissed off thug it always makes him look surprisingly young instead.

also I’m not crazy for seriously wondering if Horikoshi’s art peaked all the way back in the sports festival arc though, right?? you honestly can’t find a bad panel even if you specifically go out and look for them.

why I like it: babyyyy.

I still don’t get how anyone could watch this scene and not get that he was way more upset than he was actually angry. he looks like he’s about to cry honestly.

why I like it: MY PRECIOUS SON’S ANGELIC SLEEPING FACE. all tuckered out. he’s had a hard day.

but seriously when you smooth out all of the >:O it is amazing how young he actually looks though. this one panel is shaded in such a way that you can see that he still has baby fat in his cheeks!! he’s just a little boy! HE IS A LITTLE CHILD LIKE THE REST OF THEM AND YOU MADE HIM PARTICIPATE IN THESE HUNGER GAMES AND HE KICKED ASS AND THEN GOT SAD AND YOU MADE HIM SLEEP AND CHAINED HIM TO A POST WHEN HE WOKE UP ANGRY AND TRYING TO BITE PEOPLE. anyways what a whirlwind of events huh.

why I like it: this child is literally trembling. he has been shaken to his very core. also for real though how did Jeanist even do that. anyways great internship or greatest internship.

why I like it: this is from chapter 60, right after he basically declares war on Deku and says he’ll crush him during final exams. then he turns around and is just like AND LET’S NOT FORGET THIS ASSHOLE HERE!!! and his eyes are practically bulging out and Todoroki just has his trademark “!!!” totally blank stare. this panel fully kills me guys.

why I like it: how was he THE CUTEST CHILD WHO EVER LIVED?? look at his little fists?! I can’t even deal with this???

why I like it: I actually like this one even more than the more iconic “the strongest heroes always win in the end” panel right below it, because in this panel you can more clearly see that he was crying quite a lot (he was only six!!), but it seems to me that it was more because of the unfairness of it than because he was hurt. even though he was hurt. but these jerks bumped into him and then acted like it was his fault, and it was two against one and he was much younger than them and IT’S JUST ROUGH YOU GUYS! LIFE IS HARD WHEN YOU’RE SIX! but he’s a little tough guy though so he scrubs the tears away in this very clumsy and boyish fashion because HE WON ANYWAY SO TAKE THAT! he is so little but already so determined.

why I like it: his eyes are just so intense all the time. even when it’s not an intense moment at all. also the dot shading here is so cool.

why I like it: okay so technically it’s the back of his head and not his face. but I feel like the fact that Kacchan was twitching and flinching and shaking too doesn’t get enough attention in this scene. he and Todo were both wigging out here and I love it. during the third light novel he also gets freaked out by the whole Disney Channel “we were telling a ghost story but now it seems like the story has come to life” plot that goes on at one point, just fyi. Kacchan is absolutely that kid who will refuse to watch scary movies just because “they’re dumb” and definitely NOT because he is scared, how fucking dare you sir.

why I like it: because this is the first of many scenes in this arc and the next arc in which he is freaking out but doing an excellent job of covering it up with his natural ferocity. he and Shouto have just come across one of their classmates’ arms lying in the middle of the path being chewed on by a villain in a straitjacket. his first reaction is to ask Shouto which of their classmates had been out on the path in front of them. he has immediately put two and two together, and he is immediately ready to throw hands with this dude, rules or no rules. but you can see the shading over his eyes though, and I think that -- along with the sweat visible on his face -- is a huge indicator of how horrifying this actually is to him.

why I like it: because this blank “processing...” expression that he sometimes gets when a lot of people are talking at once and he’s not really sure but he is pretty sure that he doesn’t like where this is heading, is my favorite.

why I like it: because even now it’s still ambiguous just what exactly was the prevailing emotion in these eyes and this expression, and the prevailing sentiment behind the “stay back.” I happen to think it was fear! not the same overwhelming, helpless fear as the 14-year-old who was caught up in the sludge, but a very on-edge, controlled-panic fear of a 16-year-old who’s trying to remain in control because he’s a hero in training now. and I think the “stay back” is the “stay back” of a boy who knows the look in that other boy’s eyes, and knows that it’s no use this time. it’s not protective, and it’s not hostile or defensive either. it’s just... resigned. don’t do it, Deku. that could have been the last thing he ever said to him, and it was measured and brave even through his fear and I love him so much.

why I like it: this is one which has to be viewed in juxtaposition with the panel immediately above it lol. Tomura looks like he could literally stare a man to death with those crazy eyes, and Kacchan is comparison just looks so ridiculously young and small and out of his league. but he doesn’t crack. but his eyes are super wide and even the shadows underneath them are stressed almost to their breaking point. like I’m screwed I’m screwed I’m so goddamn fucking screwed oh shit. my baby, guh. this was such a fucking scary experience though for real??

why I like it: same deal as above lol. this whole situation just keeps getting worse and worse, and here he’s just probing for more information while simultaneously trying to buy himself more time to think of a miracle plan. there really isn’t much chance of him getting out of here unscathed at this point (or at least there wouldn’t have been if the heroes hadn’t shown up), but I don’t think he’s letting himself think about that yet. but I’m sure it’s there at the back of his mind all the same.

why I like it: this is my favorite Bakugou face ever. SO MANY EMOTIONS. All Might came to save him! his hero!! he beat the bad guys (or so they think for that brief moment anyway) and it’s all okay now! he was alone but now he’s not anymore and All Might is there! and he is relieved, and he actually lets his guard down to show it for just a split second! his lip is trembling! I don’t think he even realizes for a moment, and then he does, and he immediately goes all tough guy again and the moment is gone! but while it’s there! it’s so much! I have never so badly wanted to hug a fictional character in my life.

why I like it: don’t you think this person could one day inspire thousands of others. do you see this courage in those eyes. the way he pushes past fear and panic and fatigue. don’t think, don’t doubt. just win.

why I like it: by now you have probably detected a pattern of me liking all of the Kamino faces because he was going through so many emotions that for once the walls just couldn’t keep up. he always looks so much younger when he’s not making >: faces. everything just smooths out. I also like that Horikoshi never makes his expressions symmetrical; he almost always has one eye wider than the other, eyebrows doing different things, stuff like that.

also this is when he sees All Might’s true form for the first time, and you can just see it hit him like a punch to the gut. All Might weakened; All Might weakened because of him; All Might might lose (!?!); All Might might die???? Katsuki’s entire world is falling apart in an instant, and in this moment he’s just a little boy.

why I like it: it beginsss. the angstening.

he’s not even resisting the hand guiding him. none of his usual unruliness or general aura of barely-checked rage. he just looks tired. and completely lost in his own thoughts. which as we now know were not good. I cannot fucking believe we had to wait another 25 chapters after this to finally get this kid a damn hug.

why I like it: because Bakugou Mitsuki is fulfilling my (and dating sim!Momo’s) lifelong dream of ruffling Bakugou Katsuki’s (spiky yet fluffy!!) hair. and all he can do is just chew his lip and halfheartedly glare at her all “mooooooOOOOmmm.” he doesn’t even really look pissed off here (because it’s hard to be mad when someone is talking about how worried they were about you and how relieved they are that you’re safe now, especially when that someone is your mom who isn’t normally the type to be so open about this kind of stuff at all), just begrudgingly grumpy. and I swear to god his bottom lip is made of fucking rubber the way he moves it around, just look at it.

why I like it: those eyelashes though!?!? [grabs Katsuki by the shoulders and shakes him roughly] WHY ARE YOUR EYES SO PRETTY.

why I like it: this is right after he found out he flunked the license exam, and you can see how upset he is. obviously we now know that shortly thereafter he went and had a complete meltdown. and buddy if you keep grinding your teeth like that, your dentist is also going to have a meltdown.

and yet again Horikoshi manages to strike this uncanny balance between making him look pissed off and making him look like he’s trying very, very hard not to cry. he just failed, again. it’s like the whole world is screaming at him over and over again that he’s not hero material at all.

why I like it: because he drags Deku out to the middle of nowhere and is all “I know you have All Might’s power and we’re gonna fight”, and Deku protests, and you expect Kacchan’s reaction to be just about anything other than what it actually is. this is as close to pleading as Katsuki is ever going to get. he may not be drowning in sludge but he is still desperate.

why I like it: this may be the best Katsuki that Horikoshi has ever drawn.

why I like it: super ultra mega unpopular opinion: I like this panel even more than THE PANEL!! that follows shortly after it. I am a sucker for when Horikoshi does this thing where he shows Katsuki’s face from a side profile, and his eyes are covered by his hair so you can’t see his full expression, but you know it is something vulnerable because he only ever does this when Katsuki is trying to hide his vulnerability. I could make a whole separate post just about these hair-covering-eyes faces lol. but out of all of them this is my absolute favorite. I can hear Okamoto’s voice acting in my head just looking at it.

why I like it: because it is THE PANEL. he finally broke completely; he let the walls fall away; he couldn’t hide it any longer. he’s so unbelievably torn up about this; he hates himself for it and feels like a failure; he’s lost and doesn’t have the faintest idea how to find his path again. he ended the Symbol of Peace. he was weak and wrong, and Deku was strong and right, and he can’t even hate Deku for it anymore, he just wants to understand what it is that he keeps doing wrong, why it is that he keeps failing.

why I like it: it’s, uuuuuh, angst.

lol it’s funny because at the beginning of the series, it was always Deku who was always crying at the drop of a hat. and to be fair this is still true. but Katsuki also cries way more than I would ever expect a rival character in a shounen manga to cry. and specifically he has cried every single time he’s had a dramatic and overly emotional altercation like this with Deku (and that’s three separate times now). is it because he’s always felt like he has less to hide around Deku? or because his Deku Emotions are so much more intense and volatile than his other emotions? at any rate, whatever it is, if this happens one more time (and I guarantee you it will too because A Certain Someone still hasn’t officially made an apology yet) he will officially lose all authority to ever call Deku out for being a crybaby again. meanwhile poor All Might will just be beside himself. I’m sorry dude, both of your children are just like this, you just gotta deal with it and accept their feelings.

why I like it: HE FINALLY GOT HIS HUG, BLESS.

and more hair covering his eyes! and chewing of the lip! and his head is bowed so much here, he fully allowed himself to be pulled into this hug and to accept this gesture of comfort for once in his life, just for a moment! after everything he was feeling, everything he was beating himself up over, All Might comes and tells him it’s not your fault. and there’s still so much guilt there, but he needs to hear this so badly that he accepts it all the same. meanwhile he is also CRYING AGAIN!? because this was the chapter where Horikoshi said “I am going to put all of the angst and cathartic conflict resolution into a single fight and it’s going to be the best thing ever” and it really was. do you even understand how much I love this. do you??

why I like it: OH GOSH I FORGOT ABOUT THIS, THIS IS MY OTHER FAVORITE KATSUKI HAIR-COVERING-EYES PANEL.

oh no. he’s ruffling his own spiky fluffy hair. he’s tired and he’s beat up (and whose fault is that lmao) and he’s learning all kinds of new things about himself today. he’s got basically nothing left in the tank, but for the first time in ages he has his path laid out in front of him again and he knows the way to start moving forward. he has been absolved of his guilt, the guilt which was eating a hole away inside of him. and all of a sudden he realizes -- it occurs to him -- hey, All Might finally admitted it, he really did give his power to Deku. but it’s still a secret though, isn’t it? it’s important, isn’t it? and so he tells them, hey, look, I get it, I won’t say anything, you don’t have to worry. it’s partially gratitude -- he owes so much to All Might and it’s ridiculous, that’s a fucking debt right there, and this is the least and only thing he can offer right now in return -- and it’s partially just... the right thing to do. like, common sense. honorable and shit. and it’s not like it’s a big deal or anything. but just, let them know.

I love his side profile so much and I love his hair and his ear and the scuffs on his face and his beaten up hand and his hunched up shoulders and him being soft and trying not to show how soft he’s being and he is precious.

BONUS:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY HANDS IN POCKETS GRUMPY TRIANGLE EYES ROVING FERAL HOG SON, I LOVE YOU.

#bnha #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki #makeste reads bnha #HEAVEN #MUST BE MISSIN' AN ANGEL #MISSIN' ONE ANGELLLL CHILDDDD #[camera pans over to the feral toddler digging through trash while I sigh in fondness]#bnha meta #bakugou meta

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gwendeeagain · 4 years

Text

Kayano Kaede/Akari Yukimura is a character so full of wasted potential.

(Screencap taken from Manga Chapter 128)

This is probably the first manga panel that made me fall in love with Akari Yukimura. Look at her. She could have been amazing.

(If you feel like reading an essay of a textpost on the injustice she was dealt, feel free to click more.)

(I’m probably rehashing things i’ve said previously so if you know me you’ve probably read bits and pieces of this post before but I’m in a Mood and I just want to say them again.)

Kayano Kaede is a very interesting concept. However, she’s generally a forgettable character. This is because of the lack of anticipation and buildup for her character so no one really expects anything or gets attached to her, and her as an individual does not seem to hold much appeal.

Kayano’s character was poorly handled from the start, in my opinion. She was marketed as one of the main characters - the RGB trio, along with Nagisa and Karma. She was clearly slated for this role from the get go, which makes it even sadder because of the lack of groundwork and buildup there could have been. I would have preferred it if her backstory came about because of “shit, we forgot to give Kayano lines, let’s just slap tentacles on her and spin something insane out of it” because then you could explain the injustice.

(On the other hand, her two counterparts have pretty nicely-developed arcs that pretty much span the entire series but despite that, Kayano never gets the spotlight until the tail end of the narrative.)

This normally wouldn’t be a problem because many of the side characters in assclass are well-developed. Just to name a few, Sugino, Isogai, Nakamura - all not main characters, but over the course of the series we get a pretty good feel for their personality. We have fun with them and are invested in them.

Pre-reveal Kayano Kaede, on the other hand, is boring. Even if you think she isn’t, she is. The only character traits I can name off the top of my head are that she likes pudding and hates big boobs, which, what? She has possibly the longest wiki page out of everyone and yet has the least personality.

An argument for that is that Pre-reveal Kayano Kaede was an actress. She was meant to be incognito, to blend into the background until time comes to strike. So we can say she did her job well - too well, in fact, that to the audience she’s perfectly forgettable. Yeah, narrative wise, she did her job. But did it get us to like her? Not really.

By the time that Kayano gains some traction during her reveal at the tail end of the series - ergo by the time she becomes an interesting character, everyone has spent the previous 120 chapters/1 and a half seasons laughing along and liking the other characters. We have all gotten our favorites by then. Sure, Kayano still piques our interest, but there’s really no real time for everyone to get attached and have her as a “favorite” before she’s immediately overshadowed by her sister’s background story arc and the subsequent Save/Kill civil war.

I’ve seen posts where there were maybe a silhouette of a shadow of a tentacle in the background of what could have been 3 manga panels but let’s face it, this does not count as plot building or character development. It does not. There are no hints or throwaway lines you could reread and think “oooh damn”, no set-up, nothing. I don’t even think there was a callback to her being an exchange student/not being in Kunugigaoka prior to 3-E.

Kayano’s proximity to Aguri is also of issue. There’s interest drummed up about Aguri right from the start as the “mysterious woman” that Koro-sensei reminisces about. That does fill us with interest and satisfaction once the puzzle pieces connect (who doesn’t like solving a puzzle?) but there’s none of that for Kayano’s reveal. The fact that Kayano’s arc was intersped with Aguri’s admittedly more developed backstory arc also portrayed Kayano as more of a “stepping stone” to get to Aguri. To “add insult to injury”, Aguri’s just more of an interesting character than her. She’s got more personality, her character interactions with Koro-sensei and Yanagisawa/Shiro are interesting. Compared to her, Kayano’s just more forgettable.

The lasting impression most people get from Kayano is her status as a love-interest to Nagisa. Pre-reveal Kayano Kaede is a bland and boring character. Post-reveal Kayano Kaede (after her brief bout of insanity) defaults back to that same boring personality, and it is explained off by saying “Kayano realized how liberating it was to be a good person and adopted her nice personality throughout the year into her new one” or something along those lines. That’s boring! Her character doesn’t seem to gain any development from that experience. There’s no character trait that we can look towards to distinguish pre-reveal Kayano from the “new Kayano”, other the fact that she now has a crush on Nagisa. That label as Nagisa’s potential love-interest goes onto be carried post-canon and to the timeskip, and that’s the lasting impression of her.

(That adds to why a lot of people don’t like her, because 1. her crush on Nagisa seems out of place, 2. Nagisa’s already shipped with a lot of people by this time, and canon disrupting that doesn’t have the best reception.)

Kayano’s character brings the narrative full circle by giving us some closure to whatever happened to the first teacher of 3-E and provides reasonable incentive for Koro-sensei to bring up his backstory. She as an individual does not hold much appeal. She doesn’t have a standalone arc like Itona or Isogai or Sugino to solidify her character as an individual. She’s just used to bridge the gap between two much more important parts of the narrative, making her seem far more insignificant in comparison.

(Speaking of Itona, I think I would have liked to see her interacting with Yanagisawa/Shiro a little bit more. It’s one of the little things they could have built up on, I think. At that point Shiro had still been a rather interesting and mysterious character - Kayano’s reveal preceded Shiro’s by a tiny bit of time. They did interact in one or two scenes with ambiguous lines if I remember correctly - but they were working together despite a mutual hatred because of a common enemy. There was a really cool dynamic that I wish we saw more of.)

Pre-canon Kayano Kaede was honestly very interesting. From what little we saw of her, we know that she had her suspicions about Yanagisawa/Shiro from the start (I think they stated her dealings with unscrupulous people in the media industry gave her experience). She swore a pledge for revenge and stuck to it for a whole year, stole chemicals and injected them into the damn back of her neck, and I’m sure she probably didn’t even fully understood what they did at the time. We also know she broke Principal Asano’s laptop right in front of him to get into 3-E, and really, who else can boast about having the guts to do that? There’s so much you could get from her character from just knowing she did these things, and in the end post-reveal her didn’t do her justice, I think.

Wow, I’ve typed a lot, HAHA. This took me longer than I expected. Kayano is mt favorite female character in assclass apart from Irina, I think. To conclude, I love her.

(Disclaimer: I haven’t read or watched canon content in a long time. I’m going off the open wiki page and my leftover memory/impressions, so if I’m interpreting something based of inaccurate information, feel free to let me know.)

#assclass #assassination classroom #kayano kaede #character analysis #akari yukimura #korosensei #gwentriestothink

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fifteenleads · 3 years

Text

Scientific Method: a process that uses evidence and testing to investigate the unknown, usually following a set of steps in order to arrive at a conclusion.

(Way too tedious. And boring. And so unlike Dazai.)

— An SKK Gakuen AU.

Step One: Make observations.

Most treat it like a "Step Zero", though, to their teacher's dismay. An era of results and instant gratification guarantees zero patience for things that take time.

Chuuya's guilty as charged, of course.

In any case, Dazai is being annoying, as usual.

"Stop blowing raspberries into my ear," he hisses, ducking under his textbook. "It's disgusting as hell."

"Did not," Dazai singsongs in English to the tune of his annoying ringtone. How he manages to even carry a tune despite the bubblegum idol pop blasting from his huge headphones is a mystery, indeed.

Chuuya rolls his eyes at that. "Did, too." He lightly kicks Dazai's leg to get his attention. "Seriously, listen to me. This is important."

Dazai seems to have read his lips, pausing his iPod and taking his headphones off with an annoyed sigh. "What, chibi?"

Ugh, that's definitely intentional.

Chuuya lets that insult slide for now. "I need the budget for the props ASAP," he huffs, arms crossed. "The school festival is already next week, you know."

Five days, to be precise, but Dazai still acts like they still have five weeks. "Ask Higuchi to do it," he drawls, lazily waving Chuuya away. "We still have 120 hours, don't we?"

Dazai turns to him, raising an eye expectantly. Damn him and his lack of sense of urgency sometimes.

That said, though, he always manages to get shit done in time. Every single time, without fail. And Chuuya, in turn, is always baffled at how he does it, every single time.

Today he finds himself asking the same thing all over again. Ugh.

Dazai's still waiting for an answer.

Chuuya's way too tired for this. "120 and counting down," he answers in kind to prove his point. "I need to submit it by today, in case you forgot."

"Higuchi will do it," Dazai simply repeats, wearing his headphones again. "Come back here when you're done. I'll wait for you."

Chuuya opens his mouth, then closes it again. Inhale, exhale. Better.

"Fine," he relents for now, arranging his things. "You'd better still be awake, or I'll dropkick your bony ass to tomorrow. Got it?"

He only gets the same lazy wave in response as he leaves.

When Chuuya comes back to the classroom an hour later, Dazai is fast asleep at his desk, headphones awkwardly displaced around his face.

To be fair, Dazai never said yes at all.

Chuuya could only scratch his head at that. This is one mystery he doesn't feel like solving at all.

Step Two: Ask a question.

Easier said than done, really.

They've been seatmates for more than a year and co-class reps for half that time, but that's about it.

Chuuya had cursed his luck to high heaven and back, and Dazai knew it. Reveled in it, even.

Then he got used to it.

He prides himself in being a good team player for the most part, if nothing else. That said, though, this is the first major event they are handling together, and the weight of the responsibility isn't lost on him.

"—Oiiii. Earth to Chuuya?"

Dazai is staring holes into him, pointed nose a mere fingerbreadth from his. He quickly backs away in surprise, sending the stack of paperwork flying to the ground.

Dazai seemed to have expected this somehow, and he sinks back into his seat while breaking into an amused chuckle.

Chuuya slowly puts up a hand to his face, surely an embarrassing flush of red by now. This is what he gets for getting caught off-guard.

The meeting continues where it left off, with Dazai rattling off a string of numbers while Higuchi notes down everything. Luckily, no one else said anything anymore.

Chuuya's still in his own headspace as he walks home alone, having managed to successfully ditch Dazai for once. He stops at a vending machine for a can of iced coffee, since he'll be pulling another all-nighter.

He gets the hazelnut-flavored one by mistake. A reflex, really.

Downing it in one go, Chuuya grimaces at the nutty aftertaste at the back of his throat. He still doesn't see what Dazai likes about it.

That being said.

Since when has he been this preoccupied with thoughts of Dazai?

"Ever since," a voice from the back of his head whispers.

Chuuya feels his face heat up again at the thought. Traitor.

Maybe he's still only flustered about earlier. He also hasn't slept enough the past days. Also stress from festival prep.

Or, he's only confused. Yup, that's definitely it.

That instantly makes him feel better.

Step Three: Formulate a hypothesis.

1. Dazai's annoying. 2. Dazai's very annoying. 3. Dazai's very, very annoying.

This one goes into the wastebasket, of course— as if he didn't already know that.

Chuuya's eyes trail to Dazai as he reads aloud a paragraph from the textbook.

It gets increasingly difficult to follow along with the lesson at hand when he's absolutely distracted by that rich, warm voice, carefully enunciating each word in the passage.

"Thank you, Dazai-kun," the teacher nods in satisfaction. "You may sit down."

As Dazai takes his seat, he turns his gaze ever so slightly in Chuuya's direction and their eyes briefly meet.

No sparks fly in all directions, but Chuuya feels a faint jolt of electricity run from his chest outward to every inch of his body.

Then Dazai smirks— the bastard.

1. He's definitely riling me up.

Dazai's smug face lasts only for a fraction of a second before it reverts back to one of disinterest.

Chuuya definitely knows better, though: from the dip of his eyebrows to the twitching of the corner of his lip.

2. He can be serious as hell.

Chuuya ends up mulling over his list through last period. He doesn't notice that class is over until Dazai sneaks up on him and quickly blows into his ear.

"Argh— goddamnit Dazai, every single time!"

Dazai sticks out his tongue in response. "That's for ditching me yesterday."

Chuuya groans in disbelief. Petty much?

He will never understand what he even sees in Dazai at all, at this rate.

Surprisingly, the very thought does the trick for him, and he takes note of it in his notebook at once.

"What's that?" Dazai attempts to peek over his shoulder, but Chuuya manages to evade him, snapping the notebook shut and glaring at him. "None of your business."

It only makes Dazai laugh. "Fine, then. I'll find out by next week."

"Is Nakahara here?" Kunikida from the next class calls from outside. Oh yeah, meeting.

"Gotta go," he excuses himself, half-relieved.

And that was that— for now.

Chuuya doesn't look at the third item on his new list until he's home. It's... strange and vague and unlikely as hell, but there it is anyway, in bold, red ink:

3. This might be a crush (???)

Step Three-point-five: Refine the hypothesis.

This is absurd, Chuuya thinks.

He's taken to scribbling his thoughts on a dog-eared spare notebook, since Googling "Do I have a crush on my classmate" was evidently useless.

The result ended up looking like a conspiracy map. Ugh.

Chuuya considers his three-and-a-half pages of chicken scratch before tearing them off.

It feels like he's dug himself into a hole at this point. Not that he minds staying in it, if it means he doesn't have to see Dazai tomorrow.

School festival's tomorrow, though.

Double ugh.

Chuuya honestly thought he was already too old for this shit. No, really.

Now his 15-year-old palpitating... red organ thing is laughing at him for it.

(He still chugs the rest of his coffee anyway. Mmm.)

Running won't solve anything, Nakahara.

Inhale, exhale.

Back to work:

H0 (null): He doesn't have a crush on Dazai. H1 (alternative): He has a crush on Dazai.

There, much more... straightforward.

Dazai would probably laugh at him for misusing a stat concept like this, but it serves his purpose just fine. It's not like he'll find out anyway.

It's one or the other.

(He'd have to decide sooner or later, anyway. Best to strike while the iron is hot.)

Step Four: Gather data.

(Because there's no time to experiment.)

It's only Day One, but micromanaging proves to be more challenging than expected. It comes with being second-in-command though, so Chuuya takes it all in stride.

Dazai, on the other hand, is on his phone, mindlessly scrolling and tapping and humming to himself between listening to the team's reports and ordering everyone else around.

Magnificent bastard's a born leader.

Chuuya peeks at his own phone; stopwatch app's still running

Dazai's been on his mind for... 6 hours now.

(No, really. Despite all the chaos. Yes, he's been keeping track.)

Others:

1. They've been using the same shampoo. The smell of activated charcoal has never been this alluring. 2. They think in the same way, apparently. Higuchi of all people had noticed. "You realized just now?"

And... And!...

3. They've been sharing breakfast for a year now. Bites out of the same bread, gulps from the same bottle of water, the works.

It makes Chuuya run for the nearest faucet to scrub off the blush on his face.

He's only left with cat-scratch nail marks and a soaking wet shirt for it, so clearly he shouldn't have bothered.

Welcome to adolescence.

Dazai is mildly amused when Chuuya returns to the classroom. "Had fun, chibi?"

No thanks to you, stupid beanpole.

Day Two isn't any different, but they're more used to the work by then, so they manage to close up much earlier.

Chuuya and Dazai are the last to leave the classroom, having finished the stocks inventory for Day 3 while everyone else went to enjoy the festival.

It's five PM.

"Ah, freedom!" Dazai yawns loudly as he says this, stretching his arms upward before swinging them around.

Chuuya ducks to the side to avoid getting hit. "Ugh, watch it!"

To his credit, Dazai drops his arms back at once. "Oh. Sorry."

He adds a smile to that. It's beautiful.

How hadn't he noticed that before?

The early sunset bathes the corridor in pale red-orange, as well as their white polo shirts. Dazai's messy hair seems to shine, too, if anything.

Chuuya's reaching up to touch it before he realizes. Greasy but soft.

Also: "You have freckles."

Dazai's confused at the sudden contact. He doesn't withdraw, though. "You, too." A smile. "Faint ones, as small as you are, across your nose."

Then he leans in and traces the cat-scratch marks on Chuuya's cheeks. "You've been distracted since last week. What happened?"

Step Five: Analyze the data.

Step Six: Draw a conclusion.

Step Seven: Share your findings.

...

Wait, wait, wait.

The moment feels like a jolt of electricity and the numbness after, and then some. Those who said people short-circuit were onto something, after all.

Chuuya doesn't register anything for the entire minute Dazai shakes him back to reality.

Then something wet goes into his ear.

He lets out an unholy screech right there and then, instinctively covering his ear in disgust. Dazai, too, has a finger in both of his, face contorted into something between a wince and a grin.

A beat.

Two more.

And Chuuya laughs his head off. He doesn't know anymore.

Dazai does, too, and they devolve into a pair of crazy hyenas— not that anyone would notice.

It's only a good five minutes later that they catch their breath, slumped on the wall, leaning into each other for support.

"You okay now?" Dazai asks him, still trying not to laugh.

Chuuya only huffs loudly in reply. Dazai takes it as a yes.

"Now that that's out of our system,"— and he goes back to business mode— "will you tell me what's going on?"

Hypothesis 2: Dazai can be serious at times.

(He has always been, though.

Chuuya only refused to see it.)

The next thing he knows, their faces are too close for comfort.

Chuuya takes a nervous gulp. It felt more like gasping for air, the way Dazai frowns at him for it.

Hypothesis 1: Dazai likes to rile him up.

(Maybe? Why, though?

Now he's not so sure anymore.)

Maybe it would be wiser to just forget it. This only happened because he overthought many things.

There's still time to back out.

Dazai won't let him, though, if the intense glare he has on now is any indication.

Inhale, exhale.

Moment of truth:

"Here's the deal" Chuuya starts, momentarily avoiding Dazai's gaze as he finds the right words to say. "We've worked together for so long now. And yes, I still think you're annoying as hell."

Dazai merely hums at that, as if he were expecting it. He doesn't say anything, though.

"A lot of times, though, you pull through. Get things done— magnificently at that. I really don't know how you do it, sometimes.

"The past week made me think about these things. Maybe even earlier than that. Who knows? Does it even matter?

"In any case, I realized something."

By now, the sunset is as deep red as his cheeks, and he feels himself burning up inside.

(Running now won't solve anything.

One or the other.)

Chuuya meets Dazai's eyes.

It's now or never.

"I like you," he says with finality. "And that's all you're getting out of me for now."

Chuuya lets out another huff to prove his point, and holds his breath. And waits.

A beat.

Two more.

It's Dazai who sighs in relief.

And what a sight to behold: his lithe form slumping forward against Chuuya's, the tension in his muscles dissipating with the remnants of the afternoon heat.

"Whew," Dazai finally manages after a while, "you finally said it."

"... Huh?"

"I told you, right? I'll find out soon."

"You didn't read my notes."

"Of course not," Dazai laughs. "You /were/ mumbling a little too loud to yourself these days, though. It was easy to piece things together."

Ugh.

Chuuya rubs at his temples. If only he has something to chuck into Dazai's face right now.

It doesn't explain Dazai's exaggerated reaction just now, though...which he isn't at all trying to cover up, unlike all the times he played pranks before. Unless..

...Oh.

It takes Chuuya only a moment: "You—"

"Yeah," Dazai breathes out. "And that's all you're getting from me, too."

No problems there. Chuuya likes straightforward people.

He still headbutts Dazai for it, though. "Payback," he says simply before he hears complaints.

"Fair enough," Dazai mutters under his breath. "We even now?"

"Yeah."

A bit anticlimactic, all things considered, but Chuuya finds he likes it, too.

Now that that's out of his system, though... "Now what?"

It's a pretty loaded question, and they both know it. No one just suddenly admits and enters into... whatever this is, without a plan.

Dazai stares back, just as cluelessly— but not for long: "I think I know what."

Chuuya decides he still doesn't like that grin at all.

"Remember the lab primer in science? There's a certain procedure we follow to investigate what we don't know."

This time, it's Chuuya who slumps. Good lord.

Step Eight: Start over.

For Kiro.

#bungou stray dogs #nakahara chuuya #dazai osamu #soukoku #gakuen AU #mayoi gakuen AU #high school #fluff

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halfwaythereroyal · 4 years

Text

And You Are? (Poe Dameron x Reader) - Kilig

GIF credit: @xsolo-rey

Pairing: Poe Dameron x F!Reader

Rating: PG because of cursing. No other warnings I can think of unless your secondhand embarrassment is really bad.

Word count: 1,315 words

A/N: This is my first fic in a pretty long time. This can be read as a one-shot or as part of the series. I was inspired by all the amazing writers on here who have helped quarantine a lot easier to bear. I wanted this to be part of a series called the “Kilig Series” because I love/hate that feeling of being excited over anything remotely romantic 😍. Please enjoy, and let me know what you think!

👑 All my writing will be posted to my side writing blog from now on! 👑

Kilig is a Tagalog word to describe the feeling of excitement and exhilaration and possibly embarrassment from anything remotely romantic.

Part 2 + Part 3 + Part 4 + Masterlist

_______________________________________________

“5 minutes. Ok I can make it. I can totally make it. It’s fine. My presentation is not until the end anyway” she muttered to herself as she quickly shuffled her notes and an array of loose papers into her arms and raced out of her barracks. It had been a long night. One filled with no sleep and more work than what she deemed necessary. If she was being honest with herself, most of her night was spent trying to find any type of motivation to finish putting together the intel for General Organa. This consisted of drinking numerous cups of caf, pacing, and doodling on scratched out notes until she realized she had less than two hours to work in order to finish on time.

“85 now? Maybe 90 beats…” she counted to herself. Her heart felt like it was pounding in her ears, to the point where she could clearly count the beats. Counting her heart rate was a habit she had picked up to deal with stressful situations, although in this case, the stress was very much self-induced. She had all night to finish her presentation for General Organa after all. Her breaths became faster as her pace quickened toward command center, damning the fact her barracks were situated at the furthest possible place. She readjusted her notes to rest in the crook of her left arm. She brought up her right forearm to wipe away the beads of sweat gathering on her forehead. Her notes were slowly starting to slip, and she hissed at the soreness of her arm under the weight of her notes. She could not be late this time.

She turned a sharp corner and loudly groaned. Of course practically everyone else on this base was also in the very hallway between her and command center. She began to quickly make her through the hallway, right forearm swinging back and forth, propelling her through the crowd of Resistance members clogging up her path. Yes, this was the established peak time for everyone to be awake and working, but how was she supposed to know they would all conspire against her and get in her way when she was trying to get to her meeting on time?

“100 beats? Probably 120 at this point,” she muttered to herself. The pounding heartbeat in her ears was coupled with the beads of sweat trickling down the side of her face. She quickly wiped the sweat away with her right arm again. She silently cursed her procrastinating nature. She had plenty of time to get this presentation together, but the pressure of a looming deadline motivated some of her best work. She felt the the top pages of her notes slip from the pile resting in her left arm, and she quickly reacted by attempting to grab the pages with her free hand before they got to the ground. Her attempts were futile, and her pages spilled onto the ground.

“No no no no! Come on!” She groaned and bent down to shuffle the pages into her arms, narrowly avoiding being stepped on by several Resistance members. In her haste to pick up her notes, she did not see the person in front of her who began to bend down to pick up the remaining pages. She hastily snatched the last pages from the ground and snapped her body up, hitting the back of her head against something. Or someone.

“Ow!”

“Oh shit! I am so sorry! I didn’t even see…” she paused, at a loss for words, as she got a good look at the person she basically assaulted in her haste. Shit. Just her luck. Poe fucking Dameron. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. The blood rushed to her ears and cheeks, heating up her face and muffling all other sounds around her other than the beat of her heart.

The first thing that stood out to her was the black curls that sat atop his head. How did he manage to make his hair look so perfect in the humid weather of Ajan Kloss? She struggled to get any type of volume into her hair in this heat, and yet his hair sat perfectly curled and annoyingly perfect. Next was his jawline. A jawline so sharp that she would probably cut herself slapping him. His jawline was emphasized by the hint of a beard casting a faint blue shadow. By Maker. It should not be allowed to look this handsome. It took her a moment to realize she was staring while Poe was pinching his nose bridge, eyes blinking repeatedly toward the ceiling, and tilting his head up in an effort to stop the flow of blood from his nose.

“No no you’re good. I was just trying to help you out.” Her trance was broken by his words as she looked at the injured man.

“I am so so sorry! I didn’t even see you!” She readjusted her notes securely in to her arm and clutched them to her side. She took out a loose tissue she had taken from the mess hall out of her pocket. “Here, let me look. You’re not supposed to put your head back.” She handed him the tissue which he quickly used to pinch his nose and soak up the blood. “You’re supposed to tilt your head downwards.” She gently guided his head to tilt downward by softly pulling on his hand and nudging his head forward from behind. “Does it really hurt? I am so sorry. I was running late for my meeting with General Organa.”

“I’m fine!” He said in a falsely comforting tone. He leaned against the wall for support. “It wasn’t your fault. I…uh…didn’t know it would be this dangerous when trying to say hi to someone so beautiful.”

She blinked twice, surprised at his flirting. Poe Dameron. Flirting with her after she almost broke his nose? She felt heat creep up her neck and make its way to her ears. “Oh. Thank you for that, Poe. Sorry…Captain! I mean Commander! I don’t know I…”

“It’s just Poe. No need for all that. You’re not part of my squadrons. I would have noticed by now,” he grinned, “And you are?” Poe asked, bringing his brown eyes up to meet hers. She blinked a few times, subconsciously counting out the rapid beating of her heart again, before a Resistance member squeezed through the space in between them to get through, effectively breaking the trance Poe held on her.

“I hate to leave you like this, but I’m really late to my meeting by now,” she said, walking backwards toward the doors of command center, ”Again, I am so so sorry about your nose, but I have to go.” She turned around and hastily made her want through the crowd. He pushed himself off the wall and started dodging people around him to follow her.

“Wait! What’s your name?!”

She turned around and easily met his eyes despite the crowded hallway. How were his eyes so magnetic even from far away? “Y/N!” she shouted out. She once again turned around and made her way through the doors of the command center. He watched her retreating figure with a small smile, rooted in his spot for a moment, simply staring at the closed doors.

“Dameron! You ok? What happened?” Pava asked. Poe hadn’t even noticed the fellow pilot make her way up to him. He took the tissue away from his nose which had stopped bleeding. He sniffled and placed the tissue in his pocket. He took one last look at the doors and then looked at Pava.

“Yeah. Yeah I am.” Poe grinned. “You ready for drills today?” Poe nodded towards the hangars and walked in pace with Pava, vowing to see Y/N again.

Part 2 + Part 3 + Part 4 + Masterlist

103 notes · View notes

thekingsfortress · 4 years

Text

-----------------------------------------------

Waiting for the right time

Word Count

3464 Words

AGERE JANUS JUST CUZ WE NEEDED MORE!! THANKS!!

Also this is my first Agere oop, please be nice ^^

Proof reading- who's she never heard of her-

It had been a long week for Janus, he had to calm down Patton from his little rampage, he had to try and convince Roman that he wasnt all that bad, which didn't work at all, and on top of it, he revealed his name.

At the moment he kinda regretted sharing his name, he wasn't ready to share it, not at all, however he felt it necessary to get thomas to just listen to him, and lo and behold, it worked! However, because he made himself so vulnerable, he left himself wide open to Romans laughter.

He knows he shouldn't have said what he had said to him, he knew how insecure the other got, but he couldn't help it, the other just mad him so angry!!! He felt like he needed to protect himself... but- but.. he ended up hurting the other.

He knew he should go and apologize... but he really didn't want to, the other started it so why should he Apologize first!

He shakes his head, holding it in his hands, he had to stop thinking like that... he knows that if he kept it up, he would end up regressing.. he can't afford to do that, it was too soon after the video, he had to make sure no one would come for him.. he also really didn't wanna.. he was always too lonely when he regressed, it's not like he could help it, he knows if he told the others.. they would just laugh.. just like how they laughed at his name.

Janus sighs, glancing around the room, trying to find something to focus on so that he wouldn't lose himself to his other half. He hears a knock on his door and gets up, going over and opening it.

Staring at him was the light blue side everyone knew as Patton, Janus hums, he can't say he didn't expect a visit from the light side, he knew sooner or later the other would come, he WAS basically accepted by Thomas now, so it was only time before the dad side decided to pay him a visit.

Janus tried to keep his composure and looks at the light side, clearing his throat, "good evening Patton, what do I owe the pleasure for such an intelligent, like minded individual such as yourself to come visit a dark, visious, evil, side like me?" He questions, plastering on a smirk.

"You aren't evil Janus" Patton says, using the sides real name, making said side flinch just a bit, he was definitely going to get used to that.

"Ahah, alright, whatever you say, however, you still haven't answered my question" Janus rolls his eyes a little, glancing at his gloves, his thumb picking at his fingers just a bit.

"Oh, well I was wonderingggg if you would like to uhhhh- join in on movie night with me and the others!" Patton grins happily.

Janus's eyes sparkle for a small second, movies!!! With the light sides! Did that mean candy and popcorn and- wait no! Stop!!! You clearly can't join if you are going to be like this!!!

Janus shakes his head for a bit, not noticing the concerned look on Pattons face, "kiddo?" The fatherly side questions.

Janus's head snaps up at the nickname, confusion on his face, Patton had never called him kiddo, not even once! He awhs a bit, he felt his chest swell up with joy at the nickname, but he pushed that aside, "what?" He questions.

"Is something wrong?" Patton asks, "you looked a bit dazed out when I asked you to join.. you seemed happy at first but then just stopped?"

Janus curses under his breath, "I-I'm fine, it's nothing, I just have a few things I need to get done with.."

Patton pouts a little, "awhhhh! You can't even spare one night?" He asks

"Nope! Too much work, I'm sorry Patton but this is a matter between life or death!" Janus nods to himself, forcing himself not to giggle at that little statement- damnit! That sounded too kiddish!!!!

It did make Patton giggle though, "okay kiddo, just know you're welcomed if you want to come okay?" He asks.

"Yeah, I know... now go watch your movies" Janus rolls his eyes, smirking a little.

Patton beams and nods, leaving the room and running back up the stairs to the light side.

Contrary to the light sides belief, Janus could hear all their voices, all their happiness, it made him feel every bit lonelier.

Janus bites his lip, maybe he can.. indulge his urges just for a tinyyyyy bit, but only a little!!!! And only cuz a side already talked to him! He doubts anyone else will come to see him again for the night.

Janus goes over to his nightstand and slides it a bit before pulling back a floorboard and pulling out a tiny box, he opens it and pulls out his plus snake and coloring books, he doesn't have anything else.. he can't summon much things like how the others can..

He does have a snake onesie though!!!! The thought of his snake onesie just makes him really really excited, he lets out little giggles and runs over to his closet and reaches to the far far back, he pulls it out and smiles.

The little one struggles to take off his clothes, whining a little, he does eventually get them off, however, trying to pull the onesie on was a totally different problem.

You see, Janus has been repressing his headspace for way too long, and when he finally decided to indulge in it this time, he slipped really fast, and not only that, but he slipped to a very young age, making him struggle immensely.

The bab sniffles, whining, he was really confused, which hole went where. He ended up guessing a few times and had ended up getting it on, although not zipped. It took him probably 10 tries just to get the onesie on. The zipper still remained down though, he tried zipping it but it got stuck! But.. it wasn't that bad, at least he got most of it on.

He goes over to his coloring books and grabs the strawberry shortcake one, he then grabs his 120 pack of crayons and his snakey and lays on the floor, he begins to color while listening to the others laugh from upstairs, from inside his room.

Janus slowly brings a thumb to his mouth, whimpering quietly, he sniffles a little, he wanted to be with the others, but he knew the others wouldn't accept him, they would just laugh at him..

The child tries to focus on his coloring book until he's finishing coloring his page, he smiles when he finishes and holds it up giggling, he gets up, ready to find someone to hang it up on a fridge.. before he realized, oh yeah.... he didn't have anyone...

He heard more laughter coming from upstairs and felt tears well in his eyes before he rubs them away, he gotta be a big kid, he couldn't bother the grown ups, they'd only get upset at him, he didn't wanna make them upset..

Janus gets up, thumb properly positioned in his mouth as he goes over to the tv, he turns it on like a big boy and ploped back on the floor, grabbing the controller, he looks at the pretty colors of Netflix and Hulu, he knew which colors associated with which and picked Hulu, it had Henry hugglemonster on it!!!

Janus giggles a little and plays the show, holding his stuffed snake in his arms and singing along or more like babbling along to the tune. After about 2 episodes of that he gets up, he was hungry... but he knew he couldn't go out... cuz if he went out, the others would know.. unless he bes sneaky! Maybe he can have icecream!!!!

Janus makes it his goal to be sneaky and get nummy icecream, he gets up and makes his way to the stairs, when he looks up however, he becomes a bit scared, it was so far up.. what if he trips and falls?

B-But.. But Icecream-

Janus bites his lip and takes in a deep breath, for the honor of icecream!!!!

He starts to climb the stairs, holding his stuffed snake tightly in his arms, trying to be as quiet as possible, occasionally putting a finger to his lips as if the snake could make any sound.

Once he makes it up the stairs he quietly opens the door, happy that it doesn't make a sound, also happy that the kitchen is just right there.. though.. that meant the living room was right there too..

Janus bites his lip, maybe he couldn't get icecream.. b-but maybe he could get oreos!!!! Oreos are the second best.

Keeping his giggles down, the boy moves fast to try and get oreos, the only problem was that he didn't know where they were and if the lights had them in the first place.

Janus starts with the bottom cubborts, being extra quiet, holding his snake tightly, crawling from cubbort to cubbort, but all that was in the bottom cubborts were pans and sink supplies an dumb stuff like that.

The mentally two year old pouts before looking up, giggling quietly before covering his mouth, he looks at the couch to see if anyone heard but no one turned their heads.

Alright!!! Time to continue with his plan! He climbs onto the counter shakily but also trying to be quiet, thankful that the movie the light sides were watching was really loud.. at least to him.. his ears were sensitive. So he thought that just because it was loud to him it was loud to the others to.

And yes- he did gotta climb on the counter, he was the shortest side an couldn reach, shuddup.

The boy pulls the cubbort open quietly, finding no oreos which made him pout quietly, he went to another cubbort and pulls it open, and no luck, he whines quietly, feeling his tummy rumbling, lip trembling, there was no oreos and there wasn't anything good to eat...

Janus pouts a little ready to give up till he sees one more cubborr he hasn't opened, he goes over to it, still standing on the counter and opens it quietly... wellll... theres no oreos button

There isssss Crofters!!!!

Janus gasps excitedly, maintaining quiet and grabbing the jar, he doesn't have difficulty opening it as it had been opened before it seems. It was definitely still a new jar, barely eaten out of, well until the mentality 2 year old sits on the counter, eating it with his bare hands.

The others didn't even notice that Janus was in their kitchen until Logan got up and was going to call it a night, when he seen dee eating HIS crofters, the others were quick to look where logan was looking.

Janus wasn't paying any attention to the others, he was just eating the yummy jam stuff, it was really really nummy.

Logan was furious, he makes his way over to the snake side, "hey!" He calls, scaring the life out of the bab who dropped the jar out of fear, making it shatter all over the ground.

Logan gasps as he sees the jar drop, he looks up even more angry, "what do you think you're doing!!! That was my crofters!!!" Logan exclaimed

"Logan be nice, you can share!"

"Not when he sticks his saliva filled hands into my crofters jar!!"

"Loga-" Patton starts, but stops when he hears crying, he turns to face the deceitful side, face full of shock, he did not expect this to happen.

Logan and Patton were now staring at a red faced crying Janus, it made both the sides super confused.

Virgil and Roman were also watching confused from the background, Roman a bit more frustrated that the side had came and ruined everything again!

Patton suddenly takes notice of the others attire and the plus he was holding close, listening as the boy sobs out i'm sorries.

Patton suddenly knows what's going on and so does Logan, suddenly feeling very very guilty.

Patton goes over to the child, and gently rubs a hand through his hair, "hey Jan?" He questions quietly

The sobbing child doesn't answer, trembling with the fear of getting caught and the fear of getting in trouble, he was still saying sorry over and over.

Patton quietly gets down to the others hight, even though he was sitting on the counter, patton may be the second shortest but he still was a few inches taller then jan.

"Sweetie, its okay, hey hey, in 4, hold 7, out 8, remember buddy?" Patton asks, also tapping out the pattern on the others back just in case.

Janus sobs still, but he can feet the pattern on his back and knows what to do, he inhails for 4, holds for 7 but it breaks off of 8, he was about to sob harder until patton gave him a quick assurance.

"You're doing good buddy, can we try that again hon?" He asks.

Janus nods quietly and tries again, and after a few minutes, he's doing alright, theres still tears falling down his face, but at least he wasn't panicking.

Patton smiles softly. "There we go buddy" he says gently, "do you wanna tell me what happened hon?" Patton asks in his best caretaker voice he can muster, usually Logan was the one to do this with him, but he feels like Logan wouldn't be the best at this at the moment.

"Got scawed" Janus slurs over his words sniffling, rubbing at his eyes.

"Why's that buddy?" He asks again.

"Got cawght and was bein bad" he sniffles.

"Aw kiddo, you weren't being bad" Patton says gently, running a hand through his hair.

"Uh-huh! I stow wogans cofters!" He exclaims, his little voice showing.

"Well that is a problem isn't it" Patton says making Janus nod through tears, "but I'm sure Logan can forgive you can't he?" Patton asks, looking at Logan who was watching the scene with guilt, not realizing he was being spoken too.

"Can't he" Patton nudges him, making his eyes widen, he nods, "O-Oh yes, Janus, I apologize for frightening you, it was not my intention, however, next time you want to steal my crofters, you could just asks" Logan says.

Janus looks up at him then at Patton, "M' Not in twouble?" He asks.

"Of course not! It was an accident kiddo" Patton says gently.

Virgil and Roman were watching the whole scene in confusion, why was Janus acting like a little kid? Why was Patton and Logan not questioning this? What was going on?

"Um.. Padre?" Roman calls after clearing his throat.

Patton looks over at him, "whats up kiddo?" Patton asks, tilting his head.

"What is going on? Why are you treating deceit like a kid?" Roman asks both his and Virgils questions.

Upon realizing that Patton did treat him like a kid, Janus awhs, did he know, was he gonna tell them.

"I'm afraid I can't answer that, Janus will tell you when he decides to, I'm sorry kiddos" Patton says, glancing at the boy behind him, looking at the older with awh.

Virgil looks at Logan who shakes his head, the two decide to drop it and face back to the tv.

"I think Logan and I are going to head to bed kiddos, you two don't stay up long now okay?" Patton asks

"Yes Pat" both Virgil and Roman answer.

Patton turns to Janus then to Logan, "Lo, can you clean up the glass while I go clean Jan up?" He asks

Logan nods, "sure Pat" he says, smiling softly.

"Hey Jan"

The boy looks at him, hugging his stuffy tight, getting jam all over it.

"Can I pick you up buddy"

He nods and even makes grabby hands to Patton.

Patton smiles and gently picks him up, he didn't know what he was expecting, but he was definitely NOT expecting Janus to be so light, was the boy eating right? It just added to the list of concernes he had for the other.

Patton brings the other upstairs and into the bathroom, "can you stay here for a bit kiddo?" Patton asks.

Janus looks up, he nods a little, Patton runs to his room and grabs an oversized tee and some shorts for the other, he then bites his lip, he didn't know if the other needed them, but he decided to bring them just in case.

Patton comes back to see the boy still sitting where he put him, Patton smiles, "look at you" Patton chuckles, making the younger giggle.

Patton then runs the bath and puts bubbles in for the younger, he knew that he himself liked bubbles so he assumed the other liked bubbles as well, and he was correct in his assumption, after asking the other for permission to give him a bath, the other had ended up having a giggle fit with the bubbles, he absolutely adored them, making himself a fake beard and other things, Patton even gave the baby a few toys to play with.

He was definitely overjoyed, he didn't even realize when Patton had cleaned him all up, except for his hair, when patton said to close his eyes.

Yes he was sad to get out, but he was also very tired.

"Hey Jan sweetie, I never asked before, because it was a bit chaotic, but how old are you hon?" Patton asked.

Janus held up 2 fingers but then looked at one, he held up 1, not quite sure, he was about 1 and a half now, and Patton smiles softly, he assumed the other might be on the younger spectrum, he smiles, "wow, such a big boy!" Patton smiles, makimg the little giggle happily, rubbing his eyes.

"Now Jan, I have another question for you buddy" Pat says

Janus whines quietly, he was getting tired, "I know, I know, but uh.. buddy, do you wet the bed at nights"

Janus flushes a little a whines, but he nods slightly.

Patton gently rubs his back, "its alright bud, its okay, you don't have to feel bad about it, its totally okay, I'm just going to need you to wear a diaper bud" Patton says gently, earning another whine of protest.

"I know, I know, but we don't wanna wet the bed do we?" He questions, with that thought in mind, the boy shakes his head no, making Patton smile in sympathy, "alright buddy, lets get you changed then" Pat says gently.

Pattom had to lay Janus's other pajamas to go to the washer, and thankfully Janus's snake was easy to clean without having to go into the wash, Patton would hate to hear the boy cry again, he's already been through so much In one day.

Patton changes the boy into the clothes and diaper he brought just in case and hands him his now clean snake and smiles, he picks up the boy, and holds him tight, but not too tight.

Logan was coming upstairs right as Patton came outta the bathroom with Jan in his clothing.

Logan smiles sympathetically and the child, noticing what he was wearing, though he pretended not too.

"How was bath time?" He asks both of them.

Janus snuggles against Patton titedly while Patton smiles softly, "he had quite a journey, although I think its time to put the little one to sleep" he says, smiling at the side.

Janus was already half asleep by the time Patton said those words.

Logan smiles softly, "seems so, we should go lay him down in his room" he suggests.

That seemed to wake the bab up just a little as he starts sniffling, "noooo!!" He whines quietly, hugging tightly to Patton.

Patton smirks, "you heard the boy, he said no so no's the answer" Patton chuckles.

Logan rolls his eyes and chuckles, "alright, your room then Pat?" Logan asks.

Patton nods, "my room" he says

They both walk to Pattons room, Patton lays Jaus in the middle while he gets on the right and Logan on the left, it was the first time Logan and Pat had company, but they found that they didn't mind one bit, especially when it was an adorable little snake just wanting some cuddles.

Janus obviously stayed more against Patton during the night, but during the days to follow, and the more he regressed, he found that he didn't mind Logan either, only time would tell when he would tell the other too, but for now, he only wanted his two caretakers, and one playmate.

The end

#sander sides agere #ts agere #little janus #Janus Sanders #Patton sanders #Logan sanders #Roman sanders #First Agere Fanfic #Sander sides #deceit sanders #mention of little! Patton #Little! Janus #Little! Deceit #Cg! Patton #Cg! Logan #agere Janus #agere deceit

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kaitycole · 4 years

Text

When Lies Unravel

Summary: Liam processes the news he got from Drake

Word Count: 3037

Pairing (for this piece): Constantine x Eleanor

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol consumption, hangover, lying

Part 9 of WP. To catch up read here.

Tag List: @fromthedeskofpaisleybleakmore @kingliam2019 @texaskitten30 @glaimtruelovealways @bobasheebaby @bascmve01 @burnsoslow @the-everlasting-dream @ao719 @sirbeepsalot @janezillow @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @kimmiedoo5 @choices97 @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @lodberg @edgiestwinter @marshmallowsandfire @hopefulmoonobject

*I don’t own the characters, just borrowing them*

A/N: These are the face claims for Liam, Olivia and Queen Eleanor

“So, lame,” Liam mumbles as he sits in the window sill of one of the studies; it outlooks the apple orchard. The royal family is spending some time at Applewood Manor as a small vacation away from the palace.

“Prince Liam, what the matter?” A maid says as she enters the room.

“There’s nothing to do here.” He sighs.

“Where’s Prince Leo? I’m sure he’d be able to find something fun to do.”

He looks at the maid with a sad expression, “He said It was too cool to hang out with me anymore.”

The maid gives him a sympathetic expression before leaving. He turns back to looking out the window; he was a mixture of sad and angry. He begged his father to allow Drake to join them, but Constantine wouldn’t hear it. Even with Eleanor saying it wouldn’t hurt anything to allow the Walker boy to accompany them, Constantine practically forbade either of them for bringing the matter up again.

So here they were, at Applewood on a family trip while Leo was out in town, his father crammed in an office with work, his mother was planning meals with the kitchen staff and he was here, alone.

He gets up and decides to walk out to orchards, maybe it would harder to be sad outside. Liam sits on the swing but doesn’t swing; he just sits there, the wind gently moving him. He gets lost in thought, feeling foolish for thinking his father meant it when he announced the impromptu trip was about them all being a family.

A pair of warm hands touch his back before gently pushing him, causing him to jump.

“I didn’t mean to scare you, sweet boy.” His mother’s voice soothes him instantly but he doesn’t speak. If she asks him why he’s upset, he’d have to mention Drake and the Walkers seem to be a sore subject between the king and queen and he doesn’t want to upset his mother.

Eleanor walks around and kneels in front of Liam on the swing, “What has my sweet boy looking so serious? You look just like your father with such a serious expression.”

It always surprised her on just how serious her younger son could be at his age. While physically he looked just like her, he often reminded her more of her husband than herself. That fact alone broke her heart at times, she didn’t want him to end up as cold and callous as Constantine could be.

Seeing him like this hurt her, he was too pure and innocent to have such heavy burdens on his mind.

“I don’t want to look like father, I hate him.”

“Liam Rys! That is no way to speak of your father.”

“But I do, I do hate him. He wouldn’t let Drake come and I’m alone.”

She gives him a small smile but her heart break, she knew Constantine refusing to allow Drake to come but she didn’t think he would be this distraught about it.

“I’m not Drake, but would you do something with me?”

“What are we going to do?”

“Follow me, sweet boy.” She pats his head as he walks beside her back towards the manor before he looks up with a huge smile on his face.

“When will we be there, mother?”

“Soon, love. Be patient.” Eleanor has her son’s hand as they walk through the town. The light breeze is refreshing on this hot summer day, “Here we are.”

Liam looks at her confused as he sits down next to her on the outside stairs of a library. He watches as she browses through the bag that she’s brought along.

“What are we doing here, Momma?”

“It’s a beautiful day and we haven’t had just Momma and Liam time. I thought we could read together.”

Liam smiles at his mother, he loves when she reads to him. Ever since he could remember, his mother would read to him several times a day, but lately she seemed to be busier than normal.

“Which story are we going to read?”

“I was thinking,” she pulls a book out of her bag, “your favorite one; the story of an exiled queen and a man with mysterious powers who raise an army to reclaim a stolen army.”

Liam’s face lights up, “I love hearing about Kenna and Dom!”

“Once upon a time…” Eleanor starts before Liam puts up his hand.

He looks at her with a straight face, “That’s not how it goes, Momma!”

She laughs, “I knew you were too smart to be tricked.”

“Do it right, Momma.” Liam leans against his mother’s side as she starts the story the right way.

----

Liam looks down at the glass in his hand; unwarranted flashbacks and scotch filled every day that’s passed since Drake called. Five days. 120 hours. 7200 minutes. That’s how long it’s been since Liam went from functioning to barely alive.

He’s slumped down on the chaise lounge with one leg up. He couldn’t tell when the last time he left his office was; he’d been in the same dress pants and shirt for at least two days. There’s a dull ache pounding through his head from the alcohol and lack of sleep.

“Your Majesty?” There’s a faint tapping at the door.

Not now, fuck this king shit…

“Yes?” He mumbles.

“Sir, would you like some clean clothes? Your room has been cleaned if you’re interested in a change of scenery.”

“Maybe later.” He sits up and immediately feels a sharp pang split through his head, “Ah!”

Liam’s drank plenty in his life and has had hangover before but this one was different. It always is isn’t it, the ones that are attached to emotional and traumatic events always hurt the most. Cause the most pain. Just another reminder of the initial event.

He takes a deep breath before standing to his feet. He staggers backwards a little before regaining his balance. He looks over at his desk, a stack of files left by Bastien that he needed to read. He walks out of the office and into the bathroom of his swing.

Liam twists the handle, causing the hot water to pour through the shower head and onto him. It was refreshing, soothing, calming; something he hasn’t felt in days, hell, maybe not even months.

As he stood there, the water beating down on his shoulders, he realizes its time to pull himself together. Time to clean up, to put his crown back on and back to the stoic king he’s meant to be.

Kings don’t show emotions. Kings don’t express emotions. Kings stay firm and strong.

Constantine’s words ring through Liam’s head as he steps out of the shower, wiping the fog off the mirror. He looks at himself, thinking maybe his father was right. He just spent the last few days holed up, drunk in his office, allowing his emotions to swallow him whole.

Liam stares at the files on his desk. Bastien has been in full work mode since Drake called him. His best friend would never lie to him, but with the gravity of the subject, he just couldn’t. He couldn’t let that wall down without confirmation, without concrete proof. He has spent years learning how to function without a second parent. He’s spent countless nights waking up from the same nightmare he’s had since his mother died and to learn it could all have been a lie, is killing him.

Part of him doesn’t want to read the files. Part of him wants to continue to live in the bliss of ignorance, but it’s not just him who is affected by this.

Opening the first file, Liam finds himself unable to breathe. Documents of travel for an Eleanor Rys and Jackson Walker marked for the day after the alleged attack on the palace. Various addresses map out the last twenty years of their life together, the life that Liam wasn’t part of. NDAs from a few servants and guards who were involved in helping clean things up along with payment agreements for added silence.

There’s multiple agreements and letters with the king’s seal and signature on them; some Liam isn’t even sure what they are for. Liam learned a long time ago that his father was a liar, but this was unforgiveable. As he continued to flip through the folder, he saw documents for prenatal care; prenatal care that seemed to have begun in Cordonia. He finds himself holding his breath when he flips to a page that documents the paternity of a Baby Rhys. The misspelling of his last name causes confusion, but when he realizes the birthday doesn’t match up to Savannah, the realization crushes him. The baby was a secret, the misspelling was to conceal the baby’s identity.

He felt a mixture of anger and relief. Relief when he sees the baby’s father isn’t Constantine, but anger when he realizes Jackson Walker is.

How could he abuse his position that way? If it wasn’t for him, I’d have had my mother!

Shoving his chair backwards, he begins pacing his office. A hundred things crossing and racing his mind all at once. Was it right to be angry at Jackson? His mother was at fault too, right? But Liam couldn’t fathom being upset with her. All these years, he’s kept her on a pedestal. But how could she have left? How could she leave her husband? Leave her country without looking back?

How could she have just left me?

He sinks to his knees with his face in his hands. He silently demands his tears not to fall, but they commit treason and stream down his cheeks. All the memories from his childhood come crashing over him and just shatter. Everything becomes a blur; unable to tell what was real and what was just his take.

The tears continue to run down his face as he struggles to catch his breath. It’s as if his lungs have completely shut down, leaving him gasping for air. His chest begins to feel heavy; almost as if every failed attempt at breathing causes his chest to constrict even tighter. The tighter his chest constricts, the blurrier it seems his vision gets

Bastien walks into the office and immediately runs to the King’s aid.

“Liam! Liam.” He shouts, but Liam can’t hear him.

All Liam can hear is the pounding of his heart in his ears as he sits on the floor, rocking back and forth repeatedly asking: Why didn’t she want me?

Liam paces next to his desk, contemplating if he wants to continue looking through the files. It’s be a few days since the last time he was in there; despite his protests, Bastien persuaded Liam to see the doctor. The doctor told him that in his opinion, he would chalk it up as a stress-induced panic attack and told him to take some time away from whatever caused it. The diagnosis had frightened him; he’d never had one so severe before but as King he had to push through it.

He sits down at his desk, moving the top file to the side and opens the second one. This file is full of photographs. Ones of Jackson and his mother. Ones of just Eleanor. He feels his chest start to constrict again when the photographs turn into a family of three.

He stares at the photo of Eleanor and the baby; a boy. Her face full of happiness and joy; just like how he always remembers her being. But the soothing moment for Liam ends quickly when he thinks of all the time he missed out on. On all the love he never got to feel. Liam stares at this baby, one of the people who took his mother from him. This baby…her son…the one his mother replaced him with.

Without a second thought, he grabs the files and throws them across the room before finally storming out; leaving the scattered pages to eventually fall to rest on the floor.

The slamming of the door caught everyone’s attention but it was only Olivia that got up to go to him. Everyone knew something was bothering the King, yet no one dared to interfere.

“Liam. Liam.” She calls out, but he continues walking outside towards the palace gardens.

There were a few gardeners tidying up when Liam finally stopped walking. Olivia finally catches up to him but she can’t read his face. He never comes to the gardens when there are gardeners are out here.

“Your Majesty.” The gardeners say as the bow.

Liam can feel the anger building as he breathes, rage starts to boil within, “Tear the gardens down.”

“Excuse me, Your Majesty?”

“Rip the gardens up!” Liam starts to tear the nearby flowers out of the ground, “Must I do everything in this country!” He scans the grounds, picks up a pair of hedge shears and starts hacking away at the nearby rose bushes and hedges.

Olivia waves the some of the gardeners away while some of the guards had gone in to find Bastien. When she gets closer, she can hear him talking to himself.

“She didn’t want to be here! She left. She left her family, her country, she left me. Why have these stupid gardens honoring her? What’s honorable about running away with a guardsman?” He shouts as he continues chopping at the bushes.

“Liam.” Olivia says softly.

“Oh, hey Olivia.” He turns and smirks at her.

She can see the tears pooling in his eyes and it breaks her heart, “Liam, honey, what are you doing?”

“They say that gardening helps the soul.” He sniffles and his arms drop to his sides as he finds himself unable to keep himself from crying.

Bastien finally arrives outside and takes the gardening tool from Liam before he drops to his knees, defeated. Olivia wraps him into her arms as his body begins to shake from his sobs. Bastien quickly clears out the area, leaving Olivia and Liam alone. She holds him closer to her, making soothing shushing sounds as she gently strokes his wet cheek.

There are several questions that she wants to ask him, in all their years of friendship, she’d never seen him act this way before. But she knows that they can wait, he didn’t need to be bombarded with questions. Right now, all Liam needed was to be held and loved.

“Can we talk?”

Liam looks up from his desk; after his meltdown in the gardens, he has spent the rest of the day holed away in his office. Fortunately for him, his outburst wasn’t heard by many and the ones that did hear it were sworn to never discuss it with anyone. As far as they knew, he was just upset over his mother’s death.

Olivia peaks her head into the office before Liam motions for her to enter. He wasn’t sure what to say to her; whether to tell her the truth or say it was just pent up emotions.

She takes a good look at Liam as she sits in the chair across from him. His eyes are red both from his previous tears and fresh tears. He also looks thinner than usual which worries her. She’d have to make sure he was eating better.

“Li—”

“Thank you for your help this morning, I appreciate you being there for me.” He doesn’t want to go into detail about it, so he hopes this will shut down any questioning.

“Please tell me what’s going on.”

“Liv…” He sighs.

She reaches across the desk and takes his hand in hers, her touch instantly relaxes him, “Let me carry some of the weight, Liam. Let me help you.”

He hands her one of the files and nods towards her. Olivia is his closest ally, a confidant and someone’s whose word he always takes under advisement. Her face starts out unreadable but slowly he watches the disbelief cover her expression.

“Oh Liam.”

“I trust this will stay between the two of us.”

“You already know that.” She says flatly. She was hoping that maybe he was just stressed about finding a suitor or another trade deal was bothering him; those things she could help him with, but this, this was completely uncharted territory, “How long have you known about this?”

“Drake called a few weeks ago, but Bastien confirmed it with these a little over a week ago.”

“Drake knew?”

“Drake and Riley have been in contact with Jackson. Apparently, Drake has been working on Jackson’s farm for a couple of months now.”

Her jaw dropped. Months? Drake knew this for months? “Has he said anything else?”

Liam looks down, he wrings his hands together, “Apparently there’s a boy.”

Olivia jolts up, “You have a brother?”

“Drake says he looks almost identical to myself. Eleanor kept with the L names; his name is Luke.”

The coldness in Liam’s voice when he mentions his mother’s name send a chill down Olivia’s spine. He’s never spoken about her with anything but warmth and love and just now, if was if he was speaking of someone he despised.

He passes her another file, the one full of photographs and her heart breaks even more. The fact that Liam essentially had pictures showing the childhood that he deserved with Queen Eleanor but never got, ignited a rage within her. Drake had told the truth, if Olivia hadn’t known better, she’d have thought the young boy could’ve been Liam. However, Liam had his mother’s striking blue eyes where this boy shared the dark brown eyes of a Walker.

“What about your mother?”

“What about her?”

“You said Drake has been in contact with Jackson, has he seen Eleanor?”

Liam shakes his head, “He’s said nothing about my mother. My intentions were to read through these files before reaching out to Drake about visiting.”

She goes to speak but bites her tongue. He has that look in his eyes, the one that she fell in love with; the look of pure determination. “I’ll leave you to it.”

“Olivia,” he calls out just before she closes the door behind her, “Thank you for everything today.”

“Always.”

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bythevayviktoria · 4 years

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Documentation about a 25 years old. Let’s start this post with imagining my voice reading it out with a bit of jazzy soundtrack in the background, like Bud Powell’s Salt Peanutz. Turned 25 today. What a ride! I would like to make a formal complaint about entering adult phase. No, thank you! I didn’t expect it to be a bad low-budget coming of age indie film with okay characters but awful cringe dialogues. I was like Don Draper at the chocolate commercial presentation, sadly leaving my impostor syndrome to take over me. Arriving to the middle of the twenties, realizing, i cant be everything and everyone at the same time.  Eadith Simpson: Choose one of five. I smoked a pack of cigarette’s on that night. What number am I? Number 3 or number 5?   I watched way too many ‘Girls’ episode and pep talk myself that if Trump made it- so true, I can as well. . No one is safe! Who has met me and talked to me and probably said a few good lines, it’s taken. You guys will live forever in my scripts. My existential crisis I’ve had this year is written down on 117 pages. ( Please buy HBO I’ve got a 30k worth student loan!) This year I finally sat down and started to write and write.   I feel at the beginning of something and wish to learn more and more. But Gals, some things don’t change: I still can’t pour a fucking glass of water without spilling it on the kitchen floor, the automatic door just considers me as a ghost , when I am in a rush the door knob 120% will catch my earphones and drags me back, I still forget to pay my phone bills on time, I was told this year the first time ever my life that you have to use two different towels, one for your face and one for your butt… In the past years I kissed so many people. Sorry.    Here, I am at the age of 25, I am my own Protagonist, my Evil Antagonist and Agnostic at the same time. This year had to be uneasy, and I am grateful that it has been uncertain and blurry cause I can see more clearly about where are my limits, needs and what kind of human being I am becoming slowly, and I wish to keep on writing and punish my friends who have been showing up for my table reads for some reason. ( maybe the free alcohol i provide is the key).   Thanks for the amazing people this year whom I shared thoughts, who had different ideas about the world but still managed to get along, for those beautiful boys whom I shared a bed and connections. You were truly great. Except you know who you are. I should have voted you down on Blabla Car.  So whoever is out there mid-twenties, rows in a leaking boat, runs a marathon with loose shoe laces, whose parent’s let them go way before time, I’d rather not give any advice, but I can see you. It is confusing out there. P.S.: Still waiting for my unknown millionaire American uncle to show up, who wants me to inherit his fortune.

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fjorn-wanders · 5 years

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If it's no trouble asking, how do you stay inspired to write?

No trouble at all, my friend.

To answer simply: I don’t…but I’m stubborn, frustrated by years of struggle, and yearn, above all other things, to create…and so I find inspiration again and again.

At the moment, everything inspires me to write. From the morning stars shining with their silver light, to the break of dawn with its cool breeze…the rustling of leaves, the rolling of thunder, the pattering of rain, the singing of birds…I feel that everything has a tale to tell, or a part to play, in the life that dances around us on a daily basis. I can’t even walk outside without getting inspired by something, but the same is also true for any creative thing that I interact with, whether it be music, art, or another’s written work. (Lord of the Rings, Princess Mononoke, The Rising of the Shield Hero, Breath of the Wild, Skyrim, medieval literature…these are just a handful of the things that inspire me.)

My inspiration to write (and to create in general) comes simply from living and interacting with the world around me. Writing is a way for me to express my experiences, admire the world’s endless beauty, wrestle with the life’s complex issues, and give others something to enjoy and contemplate as they continue to live, struggle, and create beautiful things of their own. To me, that is more important and meaningful than landing a good-paying “adult” job, and so I struggle, stubbornly, to remain a writer and creator.

But I haven’t always been this way.

I suppose the crux of this question is this: how do I stay inspired to write when all seems against me doing so? Perhaps a not-so-brief story will help.

I’ve had an interest in writing since middle school, at least. I even have a sketchbook from that time with ideas (Arthurian-inspired, mostly) that, believe it or not, I’m still using in my current writing project. Nevertheless, social pressure indirectly veered me away from ever taking writing seriously (as a viable career option), and so I ended up as an Engineering major when I first started college (though I did contemplate Art, at first). I kept at it for about four semesters, even getting an Astronomy minor and completing Calculus I and II without much trouble…but I wasn’t as happy as I convinced myself I would be. It felt like something was missing, to risk being a bit cliché…but it’s the truth.

I ended up switching my major to History in my search to figure out what I had lost, and that’s when writing slowly crept its way back into my life. One of the first history classes I took was Viking History, and it wasn’t long before I was “secretly” writing a new story inspired by the things I was learning. For awhile, I hoped that I could become a medievalist that also wrote high fantasy (kind of like Tolkien). I even shared some of my sketches, maps, and ideas online (mostly on DeviantART and Facebook, at the time), but my uncle left a comment that disconcerted me: “looks like you have too much free time.”

In that moment, although I retorted with “you say that as if I don’t work or go to college,” I gradually began to lose my inspiration to write. It’s truly unsettling how a single comment like that can shatter a person’s hope and drive for several years… Within a month of him posting that comment, I had stopped sharing my writing online and focused more on becoming a better Historian. Of course, grumpy adults still regard history as “a complete waste of time and money,” but I suppose it felt like a more “proper” career path for me to take at that point. My uncle, for one, was very much against my decision to leave Engineering behind—and so was my father, for that matter. Nevertheless, I spent the next four years of my life studying medieval history (mostly Vikings and Icelandic literature) with my eyes set on an eventual PhD. During that time, I hardly wrote anything creative; I didn’t read any fantasy, paint any landscapes, nor practice any of the instruments that I knew/wanted to learn…I just focused on proving that a person getting a History degree could end up in a respectful career.

Part of me truly wanted (and still wants) that ideal life as a medievalist who also writes fantasy literature, but this past winter was my second wake-up call. Academia was not as ideal as I wanted it to be, and I once again found myself less happy than I had been telling myself I would be. I realized that I had not painted for over two years…not once. That bothered me, since painting (perhaps more obviously than wiring) had always been an integral part of who I was. So I abruptly decided not to apply for PhD programs, which frustrated my major professor and caused my unofficial major professor to worry. I told everyone that was taking a break, reflecting on what I wanted in life before committing to an expensive and arduous PhD program.

The first thing I did was start painting again, but it wasn’t long before I started drawing original characters from my previous writing endeavors (the most prevalent being Fjorn, whose name I bear on social media here and elsewhere). By April, I had bought myself a new journal for writing, and since then I have filled about 120 pages of it with ideas and summarized stories. With my mind free to wander along its own path, I gradually found myself creating more…I painted, drew, picked up my dusty instruments, started blending my own teas, and began writing more earnestly than I had ever done before.

And so here we are.

Over the course of my life, I’ve lost my inspiration to write several times…but it’s always been with me. I’ve often lost sight of it, and yet I could always feel its warm glow wanting to burn brighter. I’ve been fooled and trampled on by society and snooty adults countless times, but I’ve always managed to snap out of it and stubbornly create things despite how much society insists on telling me that I’m wasting my time and condemning myself to poverty. And although I’m in a good place right now, I will continue to face those challenges in the future.

I suppose I’ve been lucky, though. I’ve stayed inspired to write because I’m stubborn and (perhaps hopelessly) idealistic. I’ve also had the privilege of a life that has allowed me to take shape turns and change the course of my life several times…not everyone has such opportunities.

In the end, I suppose the key to staying inspired is to never give up. Even though there will be (and likely have already been) times in your life when everything goes astray, remember that it’s never too late to come back to writing, so long as you are breathing and in good health (both mentally and physically). Be stubborn, and perhaps even selfish, in your desire to write and create beautiful things for yourself and others to enjoy. But most of all, keep hope. All stars shine in darkness—even our own; but the light of others will always reach you.

#violetcancerian #ask #personal #writing #fjorn writes #high fantasy #fantasy #humanities #art #life #writblr #writing community

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makeste · 4 years

Text

BnHA Chapter 270: Harry Potter Rules

Previously on BnHA: Present Mic punched Ujiko in the face! It was awesome. I’m thinking about getting a tattoo of it. Meanwhile Endeavor saved Mirko’s life by setting her on fire (reason #15 why I will never become a superhero), and Aizawa did some sexy Spider-Man poses for our viewing pleasure while fighting the rest of these Noumus which are still annoyingly refusing to die. Anyway but back to Present Mic, the undisputed MVP of this chapter. Because you see, in addition to the punching, he also used his Loud Voice attack (literally the actual attack name; Horikoshi will steal all of my jokes and leave me with nothing) to smash open Tomura’s Noumutank! Which I really thought was going to immediately lead to Everyone Dying, but apparently I was wrong! Anyways so yeah, right now Tomura’s just lying down all heart-stopped and not-breathing. Which seems very anticlimactic, BUT I JUST HAVE THE CRAZIEST FEELING that maybe, just maybe, the super powerful villain lad who just spent the last three arcs slowly upgrading his bad self just in time to wage war on the world as the story reaches its climax, might not actually be dead though.

Today on BnHA: DON’T MIND THAT OMINOUS ORGAN MUSIC PLAYING IN THE BACKGROUND, IT’S NOTHING, IGNORE IT. Ahem. So first of all, as some of the bolder among us dared to speculate, Tomura is not, in fact, dead. He’s still very much kicking it with his nipple-less pecs and truffula tree hair, putzing around in his mental landscape filled with crumbled buildings and disembodied Theatrical Gesture Hands. For some reason he doesn’t have shoes or a shirt in his mental landscape, which was a very interesting choice on Horikoshi’s part, but we will speak no more of it. Anyway so to sum things up, Tomura’s family is all “TENKO WE LOVE YOU” and he’s all “oh hey” and then AFO fucking appears and he’s all “COME HERE MY BOY” which is exactly as creepy as you would expect, and for some fucking reason TOMURA ACTUALLY DOES COME HERE. And lol it turns out Ujiko gave him AFO. Like the quirk. Yes, that quirk. So long story short, Tomura is about to be possessed by AFO’s evil soul or some shit, and to put the cherry on top, fucking Deku out of fucking nowhere, MILES AWAY, is all “HE’S COMING.” Because of course he can sense it, because AFOFA IS REAL, AND FUCK ME THIS IS ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST, FUCK.

I know this chapter has been out since like 1pm, but I’m not getting to read it until 5 hours later because for once in my life I was trying to be responsible and actually get some work done on a Friday. I thought this might lead to less oh-god-I-still-have-to-get-that-done anxiety hovering over my weekend, but instead it just led to oh-god-I-have-to-get-the-chapter-recap-done anxiety hovering over my now! anyways so this might be a bit rushed lol

(ETA: yeah turns out this wasn’t exactly the kind of chapter you could just read quickly and get on with your life lmao. so, then!)

what a nice panel of Present Mic taking out the trash

you heard ‘em fellas. the doctor is secured. good job everyone we did it, manga over, congratulations. now to cut away to a two-page spread of Dark Shadow comically smothering Dabi’s flames with a giant stock pot lid, and that’ll be that! what a wonderful, extremely short and strangely underwhelming arc in which we haven’t even seen the actual main characters do anything yet. but I guess we don’t need them since the main bad guy is lying dead on the floor! everything is just so fucking dead and secured!! do you think if I keep repeating it enough Horikoshi will finally be like “okay geez I get it” and reveal his hand already

Mic is now ordering Ujiko to power down the Noumu, which again, I’m sure he will definitely do without a fuss since after all the good guys have clearly won the day

OH SHIT OH FUCK

rip X-Less. gonna just take a moment here to imprint your beautiful face onto my memory before it turns into a pile of ash. your face, I mean. not my memory. well my memory more or less already is a pile of ash but that’s neither here nor there ANYWAYS

:’)

what are these little sound effects. I think that’s supposed to be a buzzing noise?? anyways whatever it is PLEASE STOP IT, I AM NOT HAVING A NICE TIME SO STOP

ffff Horikoshi sure has done an excellent job of setting the mood in such a way that all of these panels of X-Less doing incredibly mild things are sending my stress levels through the roof. like is anyone else reading his lines more or less like “WELP, TIME FOR ME TO DIE, ANY SECOND NOW, WE’RE REALLY DOING THIS, THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, HERE IT COMES”

(ETA: when is this poor sweet innocent man going to fucking die already.)

LET’S CUT BACK TO MIC ESCAPING THE IMMEDIATE VICINITY

I have the clearest mental image of Horikoshi standing by with a walkie talkie in one hand and one of those remote bomb detonation clicky switch thingies in the other, patiently waiting to receive the go-ahead once all of the important characters have gotten to safety

anyway so now Ujiko is talking again

no fear everyone this is just the beginning of his verbal noumu deactivation sequence. nothing to worry about. everything is fine

yes for some reason his code phrase to put all the noumus back to sleep involves going into rambling detail about his work researching quirk singularities and shit. it’s fine. it’s not a big deal. code phrases are just like that sometimes all right

just ignore the increasingly panicked look in Mic’s eye as he slowly realizes he was way too fucking keen to just leave the “dead” Tomura back there with his laser-eyed hero buddy. anyway so let’s continue learning all about the Quirk Illuminati or whatever the fuck

okay so... he faked his own death? 70 years ago, at age 50 or thereabouts? I mean, that’s interesting and all I guess. not saying I wouldn’t be thrilled to spend the rest of this chapter learning all about Ujiko’s boring evil life. I don’t need to say it because it’s implied on account of Ujiko sucks and is the worst. so yeah can we get a move on though

oh shit?!?

WHOSE NARRATION IS THAT IN THE BOXES TOMURA IS THAT YOU OH GOD OH GOD

also, comparing AFO’s smile to a buddha’s really sent an actual shudder of disgust down my spine for some reason lmao. I personally would have steered that comparison in a different area, maybe less to buddhas and more to Norman Bates from Psycho, but to each their own

oh shit wait up

okay but this is actually a pretty big revelation though, isn’t it? because it’s been hinted for a while now that AFO and Ujiko had some method of duplicating quirks (the fact that all the Noumu share the same regeneration quirk was the biggest clue, but there was also John-chan’s quirk, as well as Hood’s Muscular-esque quirk), but as far as I can recall, this is the first time we’ve had it confirmed. though to be fair I wasn’t joking when I said my memory really has been shit lately sob

anyway so for real though, can you really call it a BnHA chapter if you’re not spending a good chunk of it being hopelessly confused over the ownership of some ambiguous thought bubbles. WHO IS THIS. I do seriously feel like it’s Tomura, because he’s the wrathful one, but another hallmark of a typical BnHA chapter is me constantly questioning everything I know as I muddle my way through

(ETA: yeah I’m pretty sure it was him. still impressive how vague it is though! it could also potentially be Ujiko, Mic, or even Deku. hopefully Caleb’s translation on Sunday can shed some more light on this. though he wasn’t really helpful last time this happened lol.)

SOMEBODY PLEASE TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

didn’t... you just... say that “preservation” was your quirk?? what do you mean that you wanted it?? CAN YOU JUST FINISH YOUR SENTENCES LIKE A NORMAL PERSON

anyway so here’s a summary of this chapter thus far

present mic: okay goodbye forever x-less

x-less: what a strange thing to say! :) also is it just me or is this machine fucking staring at me

present mic: turn the noumu off please

ujiko: seventy years ago... society... singularity... he’d be 120 years old now...

??: [REPULSIVE FEELING EW WHO’S TOUCHING ME]

ujiko: all for one has the smile of an angel...

??: [SON OF A BITCH I’M SO FUCKING WRATHFUL]

ujiko: my quirk... preservation... the truth is... my quirk... preservation... the truth is... my quirk...

all caught up?? grand. also btw is anyone else super disturbed by the fact that Ujiko recognizes Mic as being “Kurogiri’s friend”, like holy shit though? how would he know that. I can’t think of any implications of this that aren’t super disturbing tbh

anyways back to -- LOL WHAT THE

Horikoshi Kouhei: [furiously scribbling notes to himself at 3am] BUT WHAT IF THE FOLDING CITY FROM “INCEPTION” HAD MORE GIANT HANDS

jesus christ. is this like some mental representation of what shit is currently like in Tomura’s mind? lots of crumbly destruction and traffic lights and the house his father built (isn’t it? I feel like it looks familiar), and SO MANY HANDS, HE JUST LOVES HIS HANDS

anyway so at this point it’s a coin toss whether or not anything in this fucking chapter is ever going to make any kind of fucking sense! but here I am voluntarily along for the ride while Gene Wilder sings that creepy boat song right in my ear!

DSFKLDSJ

ACCURATE REPRESENTATION OF SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN FLOATING IN A JAR FOR THREE MONTHS TBH. that is some luscious quarantine hair

SDFLKJSDLFKJSLKFDHLKSDJFLKJLKSDJL:FKJSDL:KJ

(ETA: that Tomura in the top left may be my new favorite panel. look at him. all he is is a nose and chin and ~*~HAIR~*~.)

HANAAAAAA AHHHHHH OH MY LORD OH MY LORD! OKAY I’M FINALLY PAYING ATTENTION NOW FOR REAL! NO MORE JOKES! EVERYBODY SHHHH!!!

FFFFFFFFFF

“LOOK AT ME I’M A MAIN CHARACTER I CAN HAVE STRANGE VISIONS AND TALK TO DEAD PEOPLE IN MY DREAMS, SOUND LIKE ANYBODY ELSE YOU KNOW?” TOMURA SHUT UP I DON’T HAVE TIME TO ANALYZE THIS SCENE THEMATICALLY RIGHT NOW I’M TOO BUSY BEING SAD ABOUT YOUR DEAD SISTER WHILE SIMULTANEOUSLY CALCULATING THE ODDS OF THIS SOMEHOW BEING FORESHADOWING FOR HER NOT REALLY BEING DEAD. OH GOD, OH FUCK YOU GUYS, I’M FREAKING OUT

WHAT KIND OF YOUNGER BROTHER DOESN’T CALL HIS OLDER SISTER “NEECHAN” TOMURA WHAT KIND OF ANIME CHARACTER ARE YOU

AT THIS POINT HIS HAIR IS ITS OWN INDIVIDUAL CHARACTER WITH THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WOW

HORIKOSHI PLEASE STOP SHAKING THIS CHAMPAGNE BOTTLE OF SIBLING FEELS SO VIGOROUSLY I AM SO TERRIBLY AFRAID OH GOD

“BY THE WAY TENKO I JUST HAVE TO SAY, YOUR MAN BOOBS ARE SERIOUSLY IMPRESSIVE AND YOU SHOULD BE VERY PROUD.” YES HANA I WAS JUST GOING TO SAY. HOW ASTUTE OF YOU TO POINT THAT OUT. BOY HAS BEEN HITTING THAT BOWFLEX

WTAF IS HIS HAIR THOUGH SERIOUSLY??!

IS IT JUST ME OR IS THIS DIALOGUE BUBBLE ACTUALLY COMING FROM THE HAIR ITSELF. TOMURA. TOMURA BLINK TWICE IF YOU ARE IN DANGER

SJJKJSKJSW

TENKO IT’S ME YOUR GIANT MOM I’M BEHIND YOU HONEY TURN AROUND AND LOOK HELLO HI I LOVE YOU DO YOU STILL WANT TO BE A HERO

ffff why is he so pretty all the time lately

you are very handsome with your billowy hair and ken doll abs, you. sure are having a lot of trippy visions for a dead guy too there

HEY!!!!

WHO SAID YOU WERE ALLOWED -- DO YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST -- ffffffffff I need to be alone with my thoughts for a few minutes fuck

okay well. but since it is getting late I guess we’ll just pack these feelings up real quick and put them inside a box and neatly label it “feelings I have about Tomura having a vision of his mom and immediately turning back into his innocent little boy self in said vision as soon as he sees her.” not too sure about the contents of this box yet but I will have to explore them thoroughly at a later date

oh hey it’s this asshole

“THAT WAS TWENTY YEARS AGO, DAD.” jesus Kotaro. get over it

and also guess what, if you go and get Tomura all riled up so he wakes up grumpy and disintegrates the first hapless guy he sees, I will hold you solely responsible for that poor man’s death. I’m just warning you now

oh my

I remember this conversation going a bit differently the last time, but hey

LOOOOOOL

HIGH FIVE. PUT ‘ER THERE

WHY WOULD YOU LOOK SO SURPRISED LOL DID YOU NOT JUST TURN TOWARDS HIM WITH A SINISTER MURDER FACE LIKE TWO SECONDS AGO. LIKE WTF DID YOU THINK WAS GONNA HAPPEN

OH NO OH SHIT

FUCK ME, GUESS IT WOULDN’T BE A DRAMATIC BNHA DREAM SEQUENCE IF THIS ASSHOLE DIDN’T MAKE AN APPEARANCE AT SOME POINT OR OTHER NOW WOULD IT

-- HOLY SHIT?!

RECORD SCRATCH, FREEZE FRAME??

holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit. holy shit

holy shit. fuck

...okay so

is this implying that AFO has been Noumufied? but that doesn’t make any sense, does it? he already had multiple quirks. what other advantages could there be to him becoming a Noumu. well whatever I’m just typing out all of my thoughts real fast for the time being and I’ll try to make sense of them later

or is it because he sees Kurogiri as a father figure? and AFO also?

or is he using Kurogiri’s quirk????? IS HE SOMEHOW WARPING INTO TOMURA’S DREAMS

because that third one, to me, is what this panel most looks like? Tomura says he looks like Kuro, but he doesn’t though. Kuro has a very distinctive face which this is very much lacking. instead it looks to me much more like one of Kurogiri’s portals, with AFO’s buddhaesque smile sticking out. so yeah. I got nothin’. except, again, fuck

(ETA: yeah I obviously have more thoughts about this now, but we’ll get to those in a bit.)

...

.......

-- !!!!!!!!!!LKJLK!JLKJ

oh shit oh shit oh shit

OH SHIT

NO BABY NO DON’T DO IT

GASP

THEY’RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM AHHHH

I HAVE LIKE TEN THOUSAND THOUGHTS IN MY BRAIN RIGHT NOW YET SOMEHOW MY MIND IS ALSO STRANGELY BLANK?? I DON’T EVEN KNOW?? I’LL JUST KEEP READING

KOTARO ARE YOU TRYING TO HELP HIM OR ARE YOU PULLING HIM TOWARD AFO??

OH HE’S PUSHING HIM BACK!! OH SHIT IT’S A WHOLE FAMILY EFFORT

THEY’RE TRYING TO SAVE HIM AFO IS GOING TO TAKE HIM OVER AND THEY’RE TRYING TO PROTECT HIM OH GOD OH JESUS

BABY TENKO EYES OH MY GOD HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE DEKU THAT I THOUGHT IT WAS DEKU FOR A MOMENT

NO TENKO!!!

FUCK -- DOES HE NOT CARE? HE ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDS WHAT’S ABOUT TO HAPPEN BUT HE DOESN’T CARE?? IS HE TRULY SO PROFOUNDLY MISERABLE THAT HE’D GO AHEAD AND ACCEPT THIS FATE WILLINGLY

NO SOUNDS. NO WORDS. YOU COULD HEAR A PIN DROP IN MY ROOM RIGHT NOW

except that I have the most incredible, chilling, disturbing, electrifying feeling that my mental soundtrack is about to start blaring AFO’s theme from the anime on full blast...!

LOOOOOL SOB OH FUCKK

THE MOST TERRIFYING, DRAMATIC KIP UP YOU’VE EVER SEEN IN YOUR LIFE!! THIS IS IT, IT’S BEEN REAL FRIENDS, THIS IS WHERE WE DIE

-- ARE YOU REALLY, TRULY, GENUINELY SHITTING ME RIGHT NOW

NOW OF ALL TIMES IS WHEN WE FINALLY CUT TO THE TRIO, I’M CAN’T, I’M FUCK

AND THAT’S THE END AHHHHH

holy shit holy shit holy shit. wow

okay so. I don’t really have any sort of neat and tidy way to wrap up this hot mess of a recap lol. so, just... have a whole mess of all of my stupid whirling thoughts

those first four pages really did nothing to brace me at all lol

okay, so. here’s my understanding of all this, I guess. basically we’re going full Harry Potter rules here. AFO horcruxed his quirk, and from the looks of it, a piece of his soul (perhaps even the main piece) along with it. he then passed it on to Ujiko to implant into Tomura

horcrux!AFO then wakes up, and takes over Tomura. so then my understanding is that he’s going to be possessed by him. and I also got the impression that he’s fully aware of that, but just doesn’t care at this point. he knew his family was trying to warn him, but he didn’t care. and that look in his eyes when he disintegrated them just seemed so fucking resigned to me, though. jesus

but now the more interesting thing! so we can liken Tomura to the resurrected Voldemort from book 5 and onward, reborn after transferring his power into a new vessel. which would go a long way toward explaining how AFO was able to sense what was happening from all the way in Tartarus; because if we liken it to Voldemort and his horcruxes, it would mean that he still has a connection to them (similar to the connection between Voldemort’s mind and Harry’s)

but so now comes the really interesting thing -- what does this then imply about the connection between AFO and Deku? because you’ll recall that AFO alluded to a similar mental connection back when Deku first activated SIXQUIRKS. and now we have Deku somehow being magically aware of AFO’s sudden resurgent presence in this chapter. but why?? if the reason AFO and Tomura share a psychic link is because of a shared quirk, why would Deku also be experiencing the same link? the answer is, he wouldn’t -- unless he, too, had the same shared quirk

in other words, I think All for One for All is fucking confirmed you guys. I can’t think of any explanation for this other than that OFA is also a horcrux quirk. a little piece of AFO broken off and embedded in his brother, and then passed along through the generations. and now residing within Deku

anyway. so that’s a hell of a lot to ponder lol. I guess we can at least be grateful for the fact that we’re not waiting two weeks for chapter 271 like Hori originally planned. can you fucking imagine. what a fucking asshole lol

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