#I live in a warp 10 void today | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

turnpage · 3 years

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❨1❩ ❛ They are dreams, but I’m too out of control, I lose myself in them, and I’ve already lost too much to let them take over. ❜  ❨2❩ ❛ Sometimes human places create inhuman monsters. ❜ ❨3❩ ❛ I'm not gonna hurt ya. I'm just going to bash your brains in. ❜ ❨4❩ ❛ Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us, and sometimes, they win. ❜ ❨5❩ ❛ The world's a hard place. It doesn't care. It doesn't hate you and me, but it doesn't love us, either. ❜ ❨6❩ ❛ The tears that heal are also the tears that scald and scourge. ❜ ❨7❩ ❛ Pull your act together and just go on. ❜ ❨8❩ ❛ I had never dreamed there could be so much pain in a life when there is nothing physically wrong. I hurt all the time. ❜ ❨9❩ ❛ Tough old world, baby. If you're not bolted together tightly, you're gonna shake, rattle, and roll before you turn thirty. ❜ ❨10❩ ❛ Are you sure self-pity is a luxury you can afford? ❜ ❨11❩ ❛ Truth comes out. In the end it always comes out. ❜ ❨12❩ ❛ Living by your wits is always knowing where the wasps are. ❜ ❨13❩ ❛ No matter where you go, the same asshole gets off the plane. ❜ ❨14❩ ❛ We sometimes need to create unreal monsters and bogies to stand in for all the things we fear in our real lives. ❜ ❨15❩ ❛ That’s your job in this hard world, to keep your love alive and see that you get on, no matter what. ❜ ❨16❩ ❛ Human nature, baby. Grab it and growl. ❜ ❨17❩ ❛ God wiped snot out of his nose and that was you. ❜ ❨18❩ ❛ Run away. Quick. And remember how much I love you. ❜ ❨19❩ ❛ How many times, over how many years, have I—a grown adult—asked for the mercy of another chance? ❜ ❨20❩ ❛ I was suddenly so sick of myself, so revolted. ❜ ❨21❩ ❛ You listen to me. I’m going to talk to you about it this once and never again this same way. ❜ ❨22❩ ❛ But those pieces, they’ll never fit just the same way again. Never in this world. ❜ ❨23❩ ❛ Dying is a part of living. You have to keep tuning in to that if you expect to be a whole person. ❜ ❨24❩ ❛ Officious little prick. ❜ ❨25❩ ❛ I’ve been sleepwalking again, my dear. — The plants are moving under the rug. ❜ ❨26❩ ❛ How I wish you were fear. ❜ ❨27❩ ❛ But it was a dreadful kind of curiosity, the kind that makes you peek through your fingers during the scariest parts of a scary movie. ❜ ❨28❩ ❛ All we have is time, you know. An eternity of time. Or shall we end it? Might as well. After all, we're missing the party. ❜ ❨29❩ ❛ We all remember our pleasant dreams more clearly than the scary ones. ❜ ❨30❩ ❛ The way things should be and the way things are hardly ever get together. ❜ ❨31❩ ❛ Got to be regular if you want to be happy. ❜ ❨32❩ ❛ But in a solitary life, there are rare moments when another soul dips near yours, as stars once a year brush the earth. ❜ ❨33❩ ❛ He showed me his scars, and in return he let me pretend that I had none. ❜ ❨34❩ ❛ Humbling women seems to me a chief pastime of poets. As if there can be no story unless we crawl and weep. ❜ ❨35❩ ❛ It is a common saying that women are delicate creatures, flowers, eggs, anything that may be crushed in a moment's carelessness. ❜ ❨36❩ ❛ If I had ever believed it, I no longer do. ❜ ❨37❩ ❛ I thought once that gods are the opposite of death, but I see now they are more dead than anything, for they are unchanging, and can hold nothing in their hands. ❜ ❨38❩ ❛ I cannot bear this world a moment longer. ❜ ❨39❩ ❛ I have a better idea. I will do as I please. ❜ ❨40❩ ❛ All my life has been murk and depths, but I am not a part of that dark water. I am a creature within it. ❜ ❨41❩ ❛ You cannot know how frightened gods are of pain. There is nothing more foreign to them, and so nothing they ache more deeply to see. ❜ ❨42❩ ❛ When we are young, we think ourselves the first to have each feeling in the world. ❜ ❨43❩ ❛ When I was born, the word for what I was did not exist. ❜ ❨44❩ ❛ But perhaps no parent can truly see their child. When we look we see only the mirror of our own faults. ❜ ❨45❩ ❛ I will not be like a bird bred in a cage, too dull to fly even when the door stands open. ❜ ❨46❩ ❛ This is what it means to swim in the tide, to walk the earth and feel it touch your feet. This is what it means to be alive. ❜ ❨47❩ ❛ You threw me to the crows, but it turns out I prefer them to you. ❜ ❨48❩ ❛ Yet because I knew nothing, nothing was beneath me. ❜ ❨49❩ ❛ If now I am wise, it is only because I have been fool enough for a hundred lifetimes. ❜ ❨50❩ ❛ You can teach a viper to eat from your hands, but you cannot take away how much it likes to bite. ❜ ❨51❩ ❛ Give me the blade. Some things are worth spilling blood for. ❜ ❨52❩ ❛ I have been old and stern for so long, carved with regrets and years like a monolith. But that is only a shape I’ve been poured into. I do not have to keep it. ❜ ❨53❩ ❛ I wake sometimes in the dark terrified by my life's precariousness, its thready breath. ❜ ❨54❩ ❛ Understanding the world is a matter of keeping very still and showing no emotions, leaving room for others to reveal themselves. ❜ ❨55❩ ❛ Beneath the smooth, familiar face of things is another that waits to tear the world in two. ❜ ❨56❩ ❛ The truth is, men make terrible pigs. ❜ ❨57❩ ❛ My father has never been able to imagine the world without himself in it. ❜ ❨58❩ ❛ This is the grief that makes our kind choose to be stones and trees rather than flesh. ❜ ❨59❩ ❛ Witches are not so delicate. ❜ ❨60❩ ❛ Those who fight against prophecy only draw it more tightly around their throats. ❜ ❨61❩ ❛ I learned that I could bend the world to my will, as a bow is bent for an arrow. I would have done that toil a thousand times to keep such power in my hands. ❜ ❨62❩ ❛ There's the story, then there's the real story, then there's the story of how the story came to be told. Then there's what you leave out of the story. Which is part of the story too. ❜ ❨63❩ ❛ The best way of being kind to bears is not to be very close to them. ❜ ❨64❩ ❛ Life is warped. I'm just in sync. ❜ ❨65❩ ❛ Now it's a whisper from the past. ❜ ❨66❩ ❛ But hatred and viciousness are addictive. You can get high on them. Once you've had a little, you start shaking if you don't get more. ❜ ❨67❩ ❛ Why is it always such a surprise? The moon. Even though we know it's coming. Every time we see it, it makes us pause, and hush. ❜ ❨68❩ ❛ Perfection exacts a price, but it's the imperfect who pay it. ❜ ❨69❩ ❛ What is 'belief' but a willingness to suspend the negatives? ❜ ❨70❩ ❛ I have scars, inside me. ❜ ❨71❩ ❛ The dead are not entirely dead but are alive in a different way; a paler way admittedly, and somewhat darker. ❜ ❨72❩ ❛ However dark, a darkness with voices in it is better than a silent void. ❜ ❨73❩ ❛ Amazing how quickly the past becomes idyllic. ❜ ❨74❩ ❛ It is another way of saying tough luck. To people you aren’t going to help out. ❜ ❨75❩ ❛ I'm waiting, far off in the future. ❜ ❨76❩ ❛ The only sure camouflage is unpredictability. ❜ ❨77❩ ❛ There are so many of them, and each one of them is doing part of the killing, whether they know it or not. ❜ ❨78❩ ❛ First rule: limit bloodshed by making sure that none of your own gets spilled. ❜ ❨79❩ ❛ I long to swim in liquid moonlight. ❜ ❨80❩ ❛ That's right, I don’t like to be summoned on trivial matters. ❜ ❨81❩ ❛ The part that really made me happy was that you wanted me to be happy. ❜ ❨82❩ ❛ Cut that part out of us: the grinning, elemental malice. Begin us anew. ❜ ❨83❩ ❛ Where there are wars, there will be crows, the carrion-fanciers. And ravens too, the warbirds, the eyeball gourmands. And vultures, the holy birds of yore, old connoisseurs of rot. ❜ ❨84❩ ❛ At last. It's you. ❜ ❨85❩ ❛ No, you will not be cooked on a fire when you die. Because you are not a fish. ❜ ❨86❩ ❛ Take what the moment offers. Don’t close doors. Be thankful. ❜ ❨87❩ ❛ How many others have stood in this place? Left behind, with all gone, all swept away. ❜ ❨88❩ ❛ Is it disapproval or extreme lust? With some men it’s hard to tell the difference. ❜ ❨89❩ ❛ My hair was driving me crazy, but then … I died. ❜ ❨90❩ ❛ Seek and ye shall find, eventually. And you found. You’re right, I don’t dispute that. Sorry. ❜ ❨91❩ ❛ Everything digests, and is digested. ❜ ❨92❩ ❛ My head was once a filing cabinet. Now it’s a flurry of papers, floating on a draft. ❜ ❨93❩ ❛ You cannot keep bumping your head against reality and saying it is not there. ❜ ❨94❩ ❛ I have a feeling that inside you somewhere, there’s something nobody knows about. ❜ ❨95❩ ❛ And if I don’t want to die, I’ve got to start living. ❜ ❨96❩ ❛ The world is a beautiful place. Don’t forget that. And don’t miss it. ❜ ❨97❩ ❛ I was fighting for my life. So I must not want to die. ❜ ❨98❩ ❛ Something’s happening to me, through me, something dangerous and new. ❜ ❨99❩ ❛ It’s taken root, a poison tree; it’s grown, fanning out, vines winding round my gut, my lungs, my heart. ❜ ❨100❩ ❛ We’re interpreters. We’re translators. ❜ ❨101❩ ❛ You’ll notice I’m not asking what made you this way. ❜ ❨102❩ ❛ No family, happy or unhappy, is quite like any other. Tolstoy was chock-fullo’shit. Remember that. ❜ ❨103❩ ❛ We lived in monochrome those nights. ❜ ❨104❩ ❛ You live in a dream. You’re a sleepwalker, blind. How do you know what the world is like? ❜ ❨105❩ ❛ Do you know, if you rip off the fronts of houses, you’d find swine? ❜ ❨106❩ ❛ I stand here in the dark: cold, utterly alone, full of fear and something that feels like longing. ❜ ❨107❩ ❛ The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again and expecting different results. ❜ ❨108❩ ❛ Not to warm the flesh, but solely to please the eye. ❜ ❨109❩ ❛ Selective emotional detachment. ❜ ❨110❩ ❛ Not for me, or at least not today. ❜ ❨111❩ ❛ Dead but not gone, watching life surge forward around me, powerless to intervene. ❜ ❨112❩ ❛ Do I sound like a hillbilly saying that? ❜ ❨113❩ ❛ Remember, you’ve got your secret weapon. ❜ ❨114❩ ❛ The dream drains away like water. The memory, really. I try to scoop it up in my palms, but it’s gone. ❜ ❨115❩ ❛ My shadow stretches along the carpet, as though trying to detach itself from me. ❜ ❨116❩ ❛ It curls away from me, like blood in water. ❜ ❨117❩ ❛ It’s been so long since I felt the rain. Or wind—the caress of wind. ❜ ❨118❩ ❛ But snow I never want to feel again. ❜ ❨119❩ ❛ Through adversity to the stars. ❜ ❨120❩ ❛ No hero. No sleuth. I am locked in. I am locked out. ❜ ❨121❩ ❛ Thinking hasn't gotten me anywhere so far. ❜ ❨122❩ ❛ The face you give the world tells the world how to treat you. ❜ ❨123❩ ❛ Sometimes I think illness sits inside every woman, waiting for the right moment to bloom. ❜ ❨124❩ ❛ Women get consumed. ❜ ❨125❩ ❛ Sometimes if you let people do things to you, you're really doing it to them. ❜ ❨126❩ ❛ A child weaned on poison considers harm a comfort. ❜ ❨127❩ ❛ Safer to be feared than loved. ❜ ❨128❩ ❛ I ached once, hard, like a period typed at the end of a sentence. ❜ ❨129❩ ❛ It's impossible to compete with the dead. I wish I could stop trying. ❜ ❨130❩ ❛ I always feel sad for the girl that I was. ❜ ❨131❩ ❛ Every time people said I was pretty, I thought of everything ugly swarming beneath my clothes. ❜ ❨132❩ ❛ How do you keep safe when your whole day is as wide and empty as the sky? Anything could happen. ❜ ❨133❩ ❛ See, there I am. I told you I lived. I told you I was. ❜ ❨134❩ ❛ Sometimes I think I won't ever feel safe until I can count my last days on one hand. ❜ ❨135❩ ❛ To refuse has so many more consequences than submitting. ❜ ❨136❩ ❛ I'm here. I don't usually feel that I am. ❜ ❨137❩ ❛ I'm tired of dying. ❜ ❨138❩ ❛ What if you hurt because it feels so good? ❜ ❨139❩ ❛ How confusing to live in the shadow of a shadow. ❜ ❨140❩ ❛ Do you ever feel like bad things are going to happen, and you can’t stop them? You can’t do anything, you just have to wait? ❜ ❨141❩ ❛ Sometimes my scars have a mind of their own. ❜ ❨142❩ ❛ Everyone has their own version of a memory. ❜ ❨143❩ ❛ Isn’t a smile a girl’s best weapon? ❜ ❨144❩ ❛ My sense of weightlessness, I think, comes from the fact that I know so little about my past. ❜ ❨145❩ ❛ Do what I want; I might like you. ❜ ❨146❩ ❛ I feel sorry for Persephone because even when she’s back with the living, people are afraid of her because of where’s she’s been. ❜ ❨147❩ ❛ She has never told me she loved me, and I never assumed she did. ❜ ❨148❩ ❛ The sight of it actually does something to you, makes you less human. ❜ ❨149❩ ❛ It infects you. It ruined me. ❜ ❨150❩ ❛ Your health is not a debt you just cancel. The body collects. ❜ ❨151❩ ❛ Men love to put things inside women, don’t they? ❜ ❨152❩ ❛ We can know only that we know nothing. And that is the highest degree of human wisdom. ❜ ❨153❩ ❛ Nothing is so necessary for a young man as the company of intelligent women. ❜ ❨154❩ ❛ The strongest of all warriors are these two — time and patience. ❜ ❨155❩ ❛ If everyone fought for their own convictions there would be no war. ❜ ❨156❩ ❛ There is no greatness where there is not simplicity, goodness, and truth. ❜ ❨157❩ ❛ The whole world is divided for me into two parts: one is she, and there is all happiness, hope, light; the other is where she is not, and there is dejection and darkness. ❜ ❨158❩ ❛ Let the dead bury the dead, but while I'm alive, I must live and be happy. ❜ ❨159❩ ❛ It's not given to people to judge what's right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more than in what they consider right and wrong. ❜ ❨160❩ ❛ You can love a person dear to you with a human love, but an enemy can only be loved with divine love. ❜ ❨161❩ ❛ If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed. ❜ ❨162❩ ❛ We are asleep until we fall in love! ❜ ❨163❩ ❛ I simply want to live; to cause no evil to anyone but myself. ❜ ❨164❩ ❛ Everything I know, I know because of love. ❜ ❨165❩ ❛ Man cannot possess anything as long as he fears death. But to him who does not fear it, everything belongs. ❜ ❨166❩ ❛ If there was no suffering, man would not know his limits, would not know himself. ❜ ❨167❩ ❛ Yes, love, but not the love that loves for something, to gain something, or because of something, but that love that I felt for the first time, when dying, I saw my enemy and yet loved him. ❜ ❨168❩ ❛ How can one be well...when one suffers morally? ❜ ❨169❩ ❛ Kings are the slaves of history. ❜ ❨170❩ ❛ God is the same everywhere. ❜ ❨171❩ ❛ Pure and complete sorrow is as impossible as pure and complete joy. ❜ ❨172❩ ❛ One must be cunning and wicked in this world. ❜ ❨173❩ ❛ We love people not so much for the good they've done us, as for the good we've done them. ❜ ❨174❩ ❛ When one's head is gone one doesn't weep over one's hair! ❜ ❨175❩ ❛ For what, for whom, must I kill and be killed? ❜ ❨176❩ ❛ He did what heroes do after their work is accomplished; he died. ❜ ❨177❩ ❛ Life is too long to say anything definitely; always say perhaps. ❜ ❨178❩ ❛ Everything ends in death, everything. Death is terrible. ❜ ❨179❩ ❛ The distant and impossible suddenly became near, possible, and inevitable. ❜ ❨180❩ ❛ How often we sin, how much we deceive, and all for what? ❜ ❨181❩ ❛ The wolves should be fed and the sheep kept safe. ❜ ❨182❩ ❛ When I was a child, adults would tell me not to make things up, warning me of what would happen if I did. ❜ ❨183❩ ❛ My memory is a patchwork of occurrences, of discontinuous events roughly sewn together: the parts I remember, I remember precisely, whilst other sections seem to have vanished completely. ❜ ❨184❩ ❛ Would it be worse to love someone who is no longer there, or not to love someone who is? ❜ ❨185❩ ❛ Like mirrors stories prepare us for the day to come. They distract us from the things in darkness. ❜ ❨186❩ ❛ It is not that I was credulous, simply that I believed in all things dark and dangerous. ❜ ❨187❩ ❛ Sometimes you do things you regret, but there's nothing you can do about them. Times change. Doors close behind you. You move on. ❜ ❨188❩ ❛ Love will be an impulse that will inspire and ruin in equal measure. ❜ ❨189❩ ❛ He died alone. It don't matter a rat's ass whether there was anyone with him or not. He died alone. ❜ ❨190❩ ❛ It was love, I knew, and it tasted like champagne in my mind. ❜ ❨191❩ ❛ The end of the world is a strange concept. The world is always ending, and the end is always being averted, by love or foolishness or just plain old dumb luck. ❜ ❨192❩ ❛ She was my dream; and if you touch a dream it vanishes, like a soap bubble. ❜ ❨193❩ ❛ Daylight is always safe. ❜ ❨194❩ ❛ If not for death, they'd be content to simply exist, but with death, well, their lives will have meaning. ❜ ❨195❩ ❛ You want to know the future, love? Then wait. ❜ ❨196❩ ❛ There are things in the darkness beneath us that wish us harm. ❜ ❨197❩ ❛ Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us that dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be defeated ❜ ❨198❩ ❛ But sometimes you leave blood on your instruments. ❜ ❨199❩ ❛ I'd like to be a wolf. Not all the time. Just sometimes. In the dark. I would run through the forests. ❜ ❨200❩ ❛ You've seen them. They have mouths that twitch, and eyes that stare, and they babble and they mewl and they whimper. ❜ ❨201❩ ❛ They are not mad, or rather, the loss of their sanity is the lesser of their problems. ❜ ❨202❩ ❛ Good a reason for writing as I know: releasing demons, letting them fly. ❜ ❨203❩ ❛ That miserable state in which everything seems flat and of equal importance; when nothing matters, and in which reality seems scraped thin and threadbare. ❜ ❨204❩ ❛ Someone had scrawled graffiti in black marker on the metal: JUST DIE, it said. Like it is easy. ❜ ❨205❩ ❛ Winter started today. The sky turned grey and the snow began to fall and it did not stop falling until well after dark. ❜ ❨206❩ ❛ Memory is the great deceiver. ❜ ❨207❩ ❛ Silly things do cease to be silly if they are done by sensible people in an impudent way. ❜ ❨208❩ ❛ I may have lost my heart, but not my self-control. ❜ ❨209❩ ❛ If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more. ❜ ❨210❩ ❛ I always deserve the best treatment because I never put up with any other. ❜ ❨211❩ ❛ But you know what I am. You hear nothing but truth from me. ❜ ❨212❩ ❛ I have blamed you, and lectured you, and you have borne it as no other would have borne it. ❜ ❨213❩ ❛ There are people, who the more you do for them, the less they will do for themselves. ❜ ❨214❩ ❛ One half of the world cannot understand the pleasures of the other. ❜ ❨215❩ ❛ Better be without sense than misapply it as you do. ❜ ❨216❩ ❛ You must be the best judge of your own happiness. ❜ ❨217❩ ❛ Were I to fall in love, indeed, it would be a different thing ; but I have never been in love ; it is not my way, or my nature ; and I do not think I ever shall. ❜ ❨218❩ ❛ Indeed, I am very sorry to be right in this instance. I would much rather have been merry than wise. ❜ ❨219❩ ❛ If I have not spoken, it is because I am afraid I will awaken myself from this dream. ❜ ❨220❩ ❛ If a woman doubts as to whether she should accept a man or not, she certainly ought to refuse him. ❜ ❨221❩ ❛ Faultless in spite of all her faults. ❜ ❨222❩ ❛ A heroine whom no one but myself will much like. ❜ ❨223❩ ❛ There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart. ❜ ❨224❩ ❛ Full many a flower is born to blush unseen, and waste its fragrance on the desert air. ❜ ❨225❩ ❛ I pity you. I thought you cleverer. ❜ ❨226❩ ❛ Evil to some is always good to others. ❜ ❨227❩ ❛ I certainly will not persuade myself to feel more than I do. ❜ ❨228❩ ❛ She is loveliness itself. ❜ ❨229❩ ❛ Time does not compose me. ❜ ❨230❩ ❛ A man always imagines a woman to be ready for anybody who asks her. ❜ ❨231❩ ❛ I do not find myself making any use of the word sacrifice. ❜ ❨232❩ ❛ I am quite enough in love. I should be sorry to be any more. ❜ ❨233❩ ❛ I must tell you what you will not ask, though I may wish it unsaid the next moment. ❜ ❨234❩ ❛ I examined my own heart. And there you were. Never, I fear, to be removed. ❜ ❨235❩ ❛ With all your little faults, you are an excellent creature. ❜ ❨236❩ ❛ You have another long walk before you. ❜ ❨237❩ ❛ The child's laughter is pure until he first laughs at a clown. ❜ ❨238❩ ❛ What is marriage but prostitution to one man instead of many? ❜ ❨239❩ ❛ Out of the frying pan into the fire! ❜ ❨240❩ ❛ We must all make do with the rags of love we find flapping on the scarecrow of humanity. ❜ ❨241❩ ❛ She sleeps. And now she wakes each day a little less. ❜ ❨242❩ ❛ And, oh, God . . . how frequently I weep! ❜ ❨243❩ ❛ From the coffin of your madness there is no escape. ❜ ❨244❩ ❛ I am feeling supernatural tonight. I want to eat diamonds. ❜ ❨245❩ ❛ All the same there is a chance that if we keep on shaking our chains, one day, some day, the clasps upon the shackles will part. ❜ ❨246❩ ❛ It was sad music fit to make you cut your throat. ❜ ❨247❩ ❛ Nothing is more boring than being forced to play. ❜ ❨248❩ ❛ Amongst the monsters, I am well hidden; who looks for a leaf in a forest? ❜ ❨249❩ ❛ Wherein does a woman’s honour reside? In her vagina or in her spirit? ❜ ❨250❩ ❛ Perhaps...I could not be content with mere contentment! ❜ ❨251❩ ❛ Have you ever stared stark failure in the face? The trick is to outstare it. ❜ ❨252❩ ❛ Sometimes it seems that the faces exist of themselves, in a disembodied somewhere, waiting for the one who will wear them, who will bring them to life. ❜ ❨253❩ ❛ I have the febrile gaiety of a being without a past, without a present, yet I exist. ❜ ❨254❩ ❛ I felt myself turning, willy-nilly, from a woman into an idea. ❜ ❨255❩ ❛ She looks wonderful, but she doesn't look right. ❜ ❨256❩ ❛ The one-eyed man will be King in the country of the blind. ❜ ❨257❩ ❛ I raised you up to fly to the heavens, not to brood over a clutch of eggs! ❜ ❨258❩ ❛ I love to hear my bones rattle. That’s how I know I’m alive. ❜ ❨259❩ ❛ I learnt, first, as the birds do, from the birds. ❜ ❨260❩ ❛ Inside and outside match exactly, but both are badly wrong. ❜ ❨261❩ ❛ During the less-than-blink of time it took the last chime to die, there came a vertiginous sensation. ❜ ❨262❩ ❛ I fear a wound not of the body but the soul, an irreconcilable division between myself and the rest of humankind. ❜ ❨263❩ ❛ I fear the proof of my own singularity. ❜ ❨264❩ ❛ Still nothing could calm the fearful storm in my erupting skin. ❜ ❨265❩ ❛ Petersburg, loveliest of all hallucinations. ❜ ❨266❩ ❛ A breathless second between black forest and the frozen sea. ❜ ❨267❩ ❛ I'm beginning to feel totally cut off from the world. ❜ ❨268❩ ❛ What does this all mean? Where are we? ❜ ❨269❩ ❛ Sometimes I bleed. ❜ ❨270❩ ❛ If you see a ghost, you say "hello". ❜ ❨271❩ ❛ The war is not over. ❜ ❨272❩ ❛ You're not going. You left us once already. ❜ ❨273❩ ❛ You can’t go! ❜ ❨274❩ ❛ I loved you, but that wasn't enough, was it? ❜ ❨275❩ ❛ If you're dead, then leave me in peace. ❜ ❨276❩ ❛ The only thing that moves here is the light, but it changes everything. ❜ ❨277❩ ❛ I won't ask for forgiveness for something I didn't do! ❜ ❨278❩ ❛ Sometimes the world of the living gets mixed up with the world of the dead. ❜ ❨279❩ ❛ Death of a loved one can lead people to do the strangest things. ❜ ❨280❩ ❛ Sooner or later, they will find you. ❜ ❨281❩ ❛ They're everywhere - they say this house is theirs. ❜ ❨282❩ ❛ You're always teasing me, and telling lies. I'm sick of it. ❜ ❨283❩ ❛ Others will come. Sometimes we'll sense them. Other times, we won't. ❜ ❨284❩ ❛ No crying now. No crying. Stop that. Here. Look what an awful face you've got when you cry. ❜ ❨285❩ ❛ You listen to me. I've seen them too. ❜ ❨286❩ ❛ You'll see. There are going to be some big surprises. There are going to be... changes. ❜ ❨287❩ ❛ Why did you go and fight that stupid war that had nothing to do with us? Why didn't you stay like the others did? ❜ ❨288❩ ❛ Your place was here with your family. ❜ ❨289❩ ❛ So you say you know this house well? ❜ ❨290❩ ❛ I wasn't expecting you so soon. ❜ ❨291❩ ❛ What's the matter? Has the cat got your tongue? ❜ ❨292❩ ❛ You mean they just vanished? Into thin air? ❜ ❨293❩ ❛ No door must be opened without the previous one being closed first. ❜ ❨294❩ ❛ Here, most of the time, you can hardly see your way. ❜ ❨295❩ ❛ Whatever you do, don't open the curtains. ❜ ❨296❩ ❛ Now, come on. Eyes closed. ❜ ❨297❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. We realise that we’re all going to die, without really finding out the big answers. ❜ ❨298❩ ❛ By definition, you have to live until you die. Better to make that life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨299❩ ❛ I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin’ else. ❜ ❨300❩ ❛ And the reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨301❩ ❛ Love does not exist, it's like religion, made to control you. ❜ ❨302❩ ❛ After all, we're not fucking stupid. At least, we're not that fucking stupid. ❜ ❨303❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨304❩ ❛ Everything in the street today seems soft focus. ❜ ❨305❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low. ❜ ❨306❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty, and you're still fuckin’ miles off the pace. ❜ ❨307❩ ❛ It’s as if everything is a copy of what you knew before, similar, yet somehow lacking in its usual qualities, a bit like the way things are in a dream. ❜ ❨308❩ ❛ It’s all okay, it’s all beautiful; but I fear that this internal sea is going to subside soon, leaving this poisonous shite washed up, stranded up in my body. ❜ ❨309❩ ❛ It cuts me up. It confuses me. ❜ ❨310❩ ❛ It's not funny laughter. This is lynch mob laughter. ❜ ❨311❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨312❩ ❛ They mean well, and they mean well to me, but there's no way under the sun that they can appreciate what I feel, what I need. ❜ ❨313❩ ❛ The pit of melancholy is a bottomless one, and I am descending fast. ❜ ❨314❩ ❛ Living like this is a full-time business. ❜ ❨315❩ ❛ I’ll stand or fall alone. ❜ ❨316❩ ❛ We are no wiser now than at the start. ❜ ❨317❩ ❛ This is pathetic, and fucking boring. ❜ ❨318❩ ❛ Death is usually a process, rather than an event. ❜ ❨319❩ ❛ We're ruled by effete arseholes. What does that make us? ❜ ❨320❩ ❛ We are all acquaintances now. ❜ ❨321❩ ❛ The problem is that this beautiful ocean carries with it loads of poisonous flotsam and jetsam. ❜ ❨322❩ ❛ Life is beautiful. I'm going to enjoy it, and I'm going to have a long life. ❜ ❨323❩ ❛ The grim reality of impending death can be talked away by trying to invest in the present reality of life. ❜ ❨324❩ ❛ There must be more to life than this. ❜ ❨325❩ ❛ We all see what we want to see. ❜ ❨326❩ ❛ Statistically speaking, you're more likely to be killed by a member of your own family or a close friend, than by anyone else. ❜ ❨327❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨328❩ ❛ Maybe that's what love is: it's being pissed off. ❜ ❨329❩ ❛ You can forget who you are if you're alone too much. ❜ ❨330❩ ❛ Any religion is a shadow of God. But the shadows of God are not God. ❜ ❨331❩ ❛ Human understanding is fallible, and we see through a glass, darkly. ❜ ❨332❩ ❛ We must be a beacon of hope, because if you tell people there's nothing they can do, they will do worse than nothing. ❜ ❨333❩ ❛ Everyone wants to feel like a princess, and princesses are selfish and overbearing. ❜ ❨334❩ ❛ We shouldn't have been so scornful; we should have had compassion. But compassion takes work, and we were young. ❜ ❨335❩ ❛ How easy it is, treachery. You just slide into it. ❜ ❨336❩ ❛ Amazing how the heart clutches at anything familiar, whimpering: Mine! Mine! ❜ ❨337❩ ❛ All creatures know that some must die ; that all the rest may take and eat. ❜ ❨338❩ ❛ Is this the image of a god? My tooth for yours, your eye for mine? ❜ ❨339❩ ❛ Without the light, no chance; without the dark, no dance. ❜ ❨340❩ ❛ Why are we designed to see the world as supremely beautiful just as we're about to be snuffed? Do rabbits feel the same as the fox teeth bite down on their necks? Is it mercy? ❜ ❨341❩ ❛ Love is useless, it leads you into dumb exchanges in which you give too much away, and then you get bitter and mean. ❜ ❨342❩ ❛ Maybe sadness is a kind of hunger. Maybe the two go together. ❜ ❨343❩ ❛ Now I can see how that can happen. You can fall in love with anybody -- a fool, a criminal, a nothing. There are no good rules. ❜ ❨344❩ ❛ If you really want to stay the same age you are now forever and ever, try jumping off the roof: death's a sure-fire method for stopping time. ❜ ❨345❩ ❛ You couldn’t leave words lying around where our enemies might find them. ❜ ❨346❩ ❛ I'm fine, for the moment. And the moment is the only time we can be fine in. ❜ ❨347❩ ❛ Because if you can't wish, why bother? ❜ ❨348❩ ❛ It's better to hope than mope! ❜ ❨349❩ ❛ Reality has too much darkness in it. Too many crows. ❜ ❨350❩ ❛ In any case, time is not a thing that passes, it’s a sea on which you float. ❜ ❨351❩ ❛ I know I’m deceiving myself, but I prefer to deceive myself. I desperately need to believe such pure joy is still possible. ❜ ❨352❩ ❛ Too much God and you overdose. God needs to be filtered. ❜ ❨353❩ ❛ Behind my eyelids I saw an animal. It was golden colour, with gentle green eyes and canine teeth, and curly wool instead of fur. It opened its mouth, but it did not speak. Instead, it yawned. ❜ ❨354❩ ❛ ‘Why can't I believe?’ I asked the darkness. ❜ ❨355❩ ❛ Everyone’s too sad for everything. ❜ ❨356❩ ❛ If you can’t stop the waves, go sailing. ❜ ❨357❩ ❛ I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed and that necessary. ❜ ❨358❩ ❛ Men are afraid that women will laugh at them. Women are afraid that men will kill them. ❜ ❨359❩ ❛ In the end, we'll all become stories. ❜ ❨360❩ ❛ I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead. ❜ ❨361❩ ❛ If you knew what was going to happen, if you knew everything that was going to happen next—if you knew in advance the consequences of your own actions—you'd be doomed. You'd be ruined as God. ❜ ❨362❩ ❛ If you can't go through an obstacle, go around it. ❜ ❨363❩ ❛ Stupidity is the same as evil if you judge by the results. ❜ ❨364❩ ❛ Time in dreams is frozen. You can never get away from where you've been. ❜ ❨365❩ ❛ Male fantasies, male fantasies, is everything run by male fantasies? ❜ ❨366❩ ❛ We still think of a powerful man as a born leader and a powerful woman as an anomaly. ❜ ❨367❩ ❛ If I love you, is that a fact or a weapon? ❜ ❨368❩ ❛ You fit into me like a hook into an eye. ❜ ❨369❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people puts you in their power, they have a claim on you, you are forced to understand their reasons for doing things and then you are weakened. ❜ ❨370❩ ❛ Farewells can be shattering, but returns are surely worse. ❜ ❨371❩ ❛ Women have curious ways of hurting someone else. ❜ ❨372❩ ❛ This is the one song everyone would like to learn: the song that is irresistible: the song that forces men to leap overboard in squadrons. ❜ ❨373❩ ❛ Get rid of death. Make it be spring. ❜ ❨374❩ ❛ You are innocent as a bathtub full of bullets. ❜ ❨375❩ ❛ I am the space you desecrate as you pass through. ❜ ❨376❩ ❛ Favour me and give me riches, destroy my enemies. Save me from death. ❜ ❨377❩ ❛ She is a raw voice loose in the rooms beneath me. ❜ ❨378❩ ❛ Isn't the moon warm enough for you, why do you need the blanket of another body? ❜ ❨379❩ ❛ This is a torch song. Touch me and you'll burn. ❜ ❨380❩ ❛ If you look long enough eventually you will see me. ❜ ❨381❩ ❛ I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head. ❜ ❨382❩ ❛ I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief. ❜ ❨383❩ ❛ But some people can't tell where it hurts. They can't calm down. They can't ever stop howling. ❜ ❨384❩ ❛ How else can we live, these days, except in the midst of ruin? ❜ ❨385❩ ❛ What am I living for and what am I dying for are the same question. ❜ ❨386❩ ❛ Gods always come in handy, they justify almost anything. ❜ ❨387❩ ❛ We loved with a love that was more than love. ❜ ❨388❩ ❛ Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before. ❜ ❨389❩ ❛ The boundaries which divide life from death are at best shadowy and vague. Who shall say where the one ends, and where the other begins? ❜ ❨390❩ ❛ There is no exquisite beauty without some strangeness in the proportion. ❜ ❨391❩ ❛ Never to suffer would never to have been blessed. ❜ ❨392❩ ❛ Believe only half of what you see and nothing that you hear. ❜ ❨393❩ ❛ And all I loved, I loved alone. ❜ ❨394❩ ❛ Years of love have been forgot, in the hatred of a minute. ❜ ❨395❩ ❛ The best things in life make you sweaty. ❜ ❨396❩ ❛ There are some secrets which do not permit themselves to be told. ❜ ❨397❩ ❛ Anything is better than this agony. ❜ ❨398❩ ❛ You fancy me mad. ❜ ❨399❩ ❛ I hear all things in the heaven and in the earth. ❜ ❨400❩ ❛ Who dares insult us with this blasphemous mockery? ❜ ❨401❩ ❛ Leave my loneliness unbroken! ❜ ❨402❩ ❛ A more than fiendish malevolence, gin-nurtured, thrills every fibre of my frame. ❜ ❨403❩ ❛ The fury of a demon instantly possessed me. I knew myself no longer. ❜ ❨404❩ ❛ Let my heart be still a moment. ❜ ❨405❩ ❛ You call it hope — It is but agony of desire. ❜ ❨406❩ ❛ Who has not, a hundred times, found himself committing a vile or silly action for no other reason than because he knows he should not? ❜ ❨407❩ ❛ To die laughing must be the most glorious of all glorious deaths! ❜ ❨408❩ ❛ The beating of a drum stimulates the soldier into courage. ❜ ❨409❩ ❛ Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive. ❜ ❨410❩ ❛ I have been happy, though in a dream. ❜ ❨411❩ ❛ Nevermore. ❜ ❨412❩ ❛ The truth is, I am heartily sick of this life. ❜ ❨413❩ ❛ I am convinced that every thing is going wrong. ❜ ❨414❩ ❛ The scariest monsters are the ones that lurk within our souls. ❜ ❨415❩ ❛ And if I died, at least I will have died for you! ❜ ❨416❩ ❛ It is impossible to say how first the idea entered my brain; but once conceived, it haunted me day and night. ❜ ❨417❩ ❛ Hurt and humiliation — But this, I can not take. ❜ ❨418❩ ❛ The walls in there have ears. ❜ ❨419❩ ❛ This is for your ears only. ❜ ❨420❩ ❛ What is it? You have me scared. ❜ ❨421❩ ❛ Whoever isn’t for us, is against us. ❜ ❨422❩ ❛ You are just a body; to be dumped, disposed of like a carcass, left out for the birds to feed on. ❜ ❨423❩ ❛ The dead will have to forgive me. ❜ ❨424❩ ❛ From now on and no matter how your mind may I change, I will not accept your help. ❜ ❨425❩ ❛ If death comes, so be it. There will be glory in it. ❜ ❨426❩ ❛ Live, then; and live with your choice. ❜ ❨427❩ ❛ I am doing what has to be done. ❜ ❨428❩ ❛ Nothing is going to stop the ones that love you from keeping on loving you. ❜ ❨429❩ ❛ Worst is the man who has all the good advice, and then because his nerve fails, fails to act in accordance with it, as a leader should. ❜ ❨430❩ ❛ Only a loony would walk himself into this. ❜ ❨431❩ ❛ Why do you need such fences and defences? ❜ ❨432❩ ❛ Enough. Do not anger me. ❜ ❨433❩ ❛ The gods, you think, will side with the likes of him? ❜ ❨434❩ ❛ Watch it. You are over stepping. ❜ ❨435❩ ❛ I warn you. You should keep a civil tongue. ❜ ❨436❩ ❛ There is no such thing as an oath the can not be broken. ❜ ❨437❩ ❛ Every now and then, the things you’d hardly let yourself imagine, actually happen. ❜ ❨438❩ ❛ And you stand over this? This is the truth? ❜ ❨439❩ ❛ The bigger the resistance, the bigger the collapse. ❜ ❨440❩ ❛ Iron that’s forged the hardest, snaps the quickest. ❜ ❨441❩ ❛ Even the wildest horses come to heel when they are reined & bitted right. ❜ ❨442❩ ❛ That’s how guilt affects some people. They break and everything comes out. ❜ ❨443❩ ❛ Will it be enough for you? To see me executed? ❜ ❨444❩ ❛ So you know something no one else knows? ❜ ❨445❩ ❛ They know it too. They are just too afraid to say it. ❜ ❨446❩ ❛ If you die, how will I keep on living? ❜ ❨447❩ ❛ There was a star riding through clouds one night, & I said to the star, 'Consume me'. ❜ ❨448❩ ❛ How much better to sit by myself like the solitary sea-bird that opens its wings on the stake. ❜ ❨449❩ ❛ Alone, I often fall down into nothingness. I have to bang my head against some hard door to call myself back to the body. ❜ ❨450❩ ❛ I am made and remade continually. Different people draw different words from me. ❜ ❨451❩ ❛ For this moment, this one moment, we are together. ❜ ❨452❩ ❛ Come, pain, feed on me. Bury your fangs in my flesh. Tear me asunder. ❜ ❨453❩ ❛ I am as neat as a cat in my habits. ❜ ❨454❩ ❛ Everything falls in a tremendous shower, dissolving me. ❜ ❨455❩ ❛ I am the foam that sweeps and fills the uttermost rims of the rocks with whiteness; I am also a girl, here in this room. ❜ ❨456❩ ❛ We are cut, we are fallen. We are become part of that unfeeling universe ❨457❩ that sleeps when we are at our quickest and burns red when we lie ❨458❩ asleep. ❜ ❨459❩ ❛ These moments of escape are not to be despised. They come too seldom. ❜ ❨460❩ ❛ Up here my eyes are green leaves, unseeing. ❜ ❨461❩ ❛ The moment is all; the moment is enough. ❜ ❨462❩ ❛ I do not want to be admired. I want to give, to be given. ❜ ❨463❩ ❛ I am not one and simple, but complex and many. ❜ ❨464❩ ❛ And if you are dead, I shall weep. ❜ ❨465❩ ❛ But beauty must be broken daily to remain beautiful. ❜ ❨466❩ ❛ But our hatred is almost indistinguishable from our love. ❜ ❨467❩ ❛ I desired always to stretch the night and fill it fuller and fuller with dreams. ❜ ❨468❩ ❛ Life is a dream surely. ❜ ❨469❩ ❛ I think sometimes I am not a woman, but the light that falls on this gate, on this ground. I am the seasons, I think sometimes, January, May, November; the mud, the mist, the dawn. ❜ ❨470❩ ❛ Oh, I am in love with life! ❜ ❨471❩ ❛ I have been knotted; I have been torn apart. ❜ ❨472❩ ❛ There was no freedom in life, and certainly there was none in death. ❜ ❨473❩ ❛ I do not know. I do not know myself sometimes, or how to measure and name and count out the grains that make me what I am. ❜ ❨474❩ ❛ I ride rough waters, and shall sink with no one to save me. ❜ ❨475❩ ❛ I am above the earth now. I am no longer upright, to be knocked against and damaged. ❜ ❨476❩ ❛ I see it all. I feel it all. ❜ ❨477❩ ❛ Death is woven in with the violets. Death and again death. ❜ ❨478❩ ❛ We have been walking for hours it seems. But where? I cannot remember. ❜ ❨479❩ ❛ If we were all on trial for our thoughts, we would all be hanged. ❜ ❨480❩ ❛ When you are in the middle of a story it isn't a story at all, but only a confusion; a dark roaring, a blindness, a wreckage of shattered glass. ❜ ❨481❩ ❛ Murderess is a strong word to have attached to you. It has a smell to it, that word; - musky and oppressive, like dead flowers in a vase. ❜ ❨482❩ ❛ Sometimes at night I whisper it over to myself: Murderess, murderess. It rustles, like a taffeta skirt across the floor. ❜ ❨483❩ ❛ If the world treats you well, you come to believe you are deserving of it. ❜ ❨484❩ ❛ If I am good enough and quiet enough, perhaps after all they will let me go. ❜ ❨485❩ ❛ It’s not easy being quiet and good, it’s like hanging on to the edge of a bridge when you’ve already fallen over; you don’t seem to be moving, just dangling there, and yet it is taking all your strength. ❜ ❨486❩ ❛ There is no fool like an educated fool. ❜ ❨487❩ ❛ There are many dangerous things that may take place in a bed. ❜ ❨488❩ ❛ I am afraid of falling into hopeless despair, over my wasted life, and I am still not sure how it happened. ❜ ❨489❩ ❛ Underneath it all is another feeling, a feeling of being wide-eyed awake and watchful. ❜ ❨490❩ ❛ And underneath all that is another feeling still, a feeling like being torn open; not like a body of flesh, it is not painful as such, but like a peach; and not even torn open, but ripe and splitting open of its own accord. ❜ ❨491❩ ❛ The small details of life often hide a great significance. ❜ ❨492❩ ❛ Guilt comes to you not from the things you've done, but from the things that others have done to you. ❜ ❨493❩ ❛ I wonder, how can I be all of these different things at once? ❜ ❨494❩ ❛ It is always a mistake to curse back openly at those who are stronger than you unless there is a fence between. ❜ ❨495❩ ❛ Some call this "Eve's curse," but I think that is stupid because the real curse of Eve was having to put up with the nonsense of Adam. ❜ ❨496❩ ❛ I don't know why they are all so eager to be remembered. What good will it do them? There are some things that should be forgotten by everyone, and never spoken of again. ❜ ❨497❩ ❛ I would never blame a human creature for feeling lonely. ❜ ❨498❩ ❛ If they want a monster so badly they ought to be provided by one. ❜ ❨499❩ ❛ It’s as if I never existed, because no trace of me remains, I have left no marks. And that way I cannot be followed. It is almost the same as being innocent. ❜ ❨500❩ ❛ Today you wear your habitual expression of strained anxiety; you smell of violets. ❜ ❨501❩ ❛ Of course you have always been an idealist, and filled with your optimistic dreams; but reality must at some time obtrude. ❜ ❨502❩ ❛ I wonder what would become of me, and comfort myself that in a hundred years I will be dead and at peace. ❜ ❨503❩ ❛ For it is not always the one that strikes the blow that is the actual murderer. ❜ ❨504❩ ❛ There is a “do this” or “do that” with God, but not any “because”. ❜ ❨505❩ ❛ If you have a need and they find it out, they will use it against you. The best way is to stop from wanting anything. ❜ ❨506❩ ❛ They say, why don’t you ever smile or laugh, we never see you smiling, and I say I suppose I have gotten out of the way of it, my face won’t bend in that direction any more. ❜ ❨507❩ ❛ I was shut up inside that doll of myself, and my true voice could not get out. ❜ ❨508❩ ❛ I see what you’re after. You are a collector. You think all you have to do is give me an apple, and then you can collect me. ❜ ❨509❩ ❛ If you want to be an asshole, it's a free country. Millions before you have made the same life choice. ❜ ❨510❩ ❛ Then there's the future. Sheer vertigo. ❜ ❨511❩ ❛ Nature is to zoos as God is to churches. ❜ ❨512❩ ❛ After everything that's happened, how can the world still be so beautiful? ❜ ❨513❩ ❛ There's something to be said for hunger: at least it lets you know you're still alive. ❜ ❨514❩ ❛ These things sneak up on me for no reason, these flashes of irrational happiness. It's probably a vitamin deficiency. ❜ ❨515❩ ❛ Toast cannot be explained by any rational means. Toast is me. I am toast. ❜ ❨516❩ ❛ You can’t buy it, but it has a price. Everything has a price. ❜ ❨517❩ ❛ As a species were doomed by hope, then? You could call it hope. That, or desperation. ❜ ❨518❩ ❛ I am not my childhood. ❜ ❨519❩ ❛ Human beings hope they can stick their souls into someone else and live on forever. ❜ ❨520❩ ❛ “I'll make you mine”, lovers said in old books. They never said, “I'll make you me.” ❜ ❨521❩ ❛ How much is too much, how far is too far? ❜ ❨522❩ ❛ Expectation isn't the same as desire. ❜ ❨523❩ ❛ Why not cut to the chase? ❜ ❨524❩ ❛ Maybe there aren't any solutions. Human society, corpses and rubble. ❜ ❨525❩ ❛ I thought you didn’t believe in God. ❜ ❨526❩ ❛ I need at least the illusion of being understood. ❜ ❨527❩ ❛ What change would have altered the course of events? In the big picture, nothing. In the small picture, so much. ❜ ❨528❩ ❛ You are only looking at the dirt under your feet. It's not good for you. ❜ ❨529❩ ❛ I like to keep only the bright side of myself turned towards you. ❜ ❨530❩ ❛ Grief in the face of inevitable death. The wish to stop time. The human condition. ❜ ❨531❩ ❛ So many crucial events take place behind people’s backs, when they aren’t in a position to watch: birth and death, for instance. ❜ ❨532❩ ❛ Would you kill someone you loved to spare them pain? ❜ ❨533❩ ❛ When the water’s moving faster than the boat, you can’t control a thing. ❜ ❨534❩ ❛ Don't be so fucking sentimental. ❜ ❨535❩ ❛ Wrong, as usual. ❜ ❨536❩ ❛ Why do you want to talk about ugly things? ❜ ❨537❩ ❛ I understand why serial killers send helpful clues to the police. ❜ ❨538❩ ❛ Take your time, leave mine alone. ❜ ❨539❩ ❛ You will hear thunder and remember me. ❜ ❨540❩ ❛ If you were music, I would listen to you ceaselessly. ❜ ❨541❩ ❛ I seem to myself an accidental guest in this dreadful body. ❜ ❨542❩ ❛ Call me a sinner, mock me maliciously. ❜ ❨543❩ ❛ I, from the very beginning, seemed to myself like someone's dream or delirium. Or a reflection in someone else's mirror. Without flesh, without meaning, without a name. ❜ ❨544❩ ❛ I knew the list of crimes that I was destined to commit. ❜ ❨545❩ ❛ The future ripens in the past, so the past rots in the future. ❜ ❨546❩ ❛ You are untranslatable into any one tongue. ❜ ❨547❩ ❛ I was hoping my silence would fit yours. ❜ ❨548❩ ❛ See, we were never about butterflies. All about us is unearthly and radiant. ❜ ❨549❩ ❛ You do not know just what you've been forgiven. ❜ ❨550❩ ❛ I need to slaughter my memory. ❜ ❨551❩ ❛ Forgive me that I appeared to you in waking dreams. ❜ ❨552❩ ❛ I will condemn, I will forget, I will give comfort to the enemy. ❜ ❨553❩ ❛ I know beginnings, I know endings too, and life-in-death. ❜ ❨554❩ ❛ Wild honey smells of freedom. But gold smells of nothing. ❜ ❨555❩ ❛ You are three times more beautiful than angels. ❜ ❨556❩ ❛ I will kill you without spilling your blood on the ground, not touching you with my hand, not giving you one glance. ❜ ❨557❩ ❛ You invented me. There is no such earthly being. ❜ ❨558❩ ❛ You’re late. Way too late. I’m glad to see you, nonetheless. ❜ ❨559❩ ❛ Forgive me that I felt forsaken. Forgive me that I kept mistaking too many others for you. ❜ ❨560❩ ❛ Real tenderness can’t be confused, it’s quiet and can’t be heard. ❜ ❨561❩ ❛ What else lived in that house besides us? ❜ ❨562❩ ❛ How unhappy we are together! ❜ ❨563❩ ❛ I defend not my voice, but my silence. ❜ ❨564❩ ❛ Without love, I'm more at ease, I'm sure. ❜ ❨565❩ ❛ I've got no more tears or explanations. ❜ ❨566❩ ❛ I’m not complaining. Happiness is not for me. ❜ ❨567❩ ❛ Are you not the only tie between good and evil, earthly pits and paradise? ❜ ❨568❩ ❛ In the morning we shall find out who has died in the night. ❜ ❨569❩ ❛ I was not a lovable child, and I've grown into a deeply unlovable adult. ❜ ❨570❩ ❛ The truly frightening flaw in humanity is our capacity for cruelty - we all have it. ❜ ❨571❩ ❛ I have a meanness inside me, real as an organ. Slit me at my belly and it might slide out, meaty and dark. ❜ ❨572❩ ❛ I am not angry or sad or happy to see you. I could not give a shit. You don't even ripple. ❜ ❨573❩ ❛ I was raised feral, and I mostly stayed that way. ❜ ❨574❩ ❛ I can feel a better version of me somewhere in there - hidden behind a liver or attached to a bit of spleen. But the meanness usually wins out. ❜ ❨575❩ ❛ I felt something loosen in me, that shouldn't have loosened. A stitch come undone. ❜ ❨576❩ ❛ Everyone who keeps a secret, itches to tell it. ❜ ❨577❩ ❛ Coffee goes great with sudden death. ❜ ❨578❩ ❛ I should just listen to my gut and then do the opposite. ❜ ❨579❩ ❛ “Smile, it can't be that bad!” Yeah, actually, it can, jackwad. ❜ ❨580❩ ❛ Everything bad in the world already did happen. ❜ ❨581❩ ❛ You’re going to find peace? Like knowing is somehow going to fix you? ❜ ❨582❩ ❛ Instead of asking yourself what happened, just accept that it happened. ❜ ❨583❩ ❛ Homesick for a place I've never been. ❜ ❨584❩ ❛ Worries find you easily enough without inviting them. ❜ ❨585❩ ❛ It is always consoling to think of suicide. It's what gets one through many a bad night. ❜ ❨586❩ ❛ Do you understand this is serious? ❜ ❨587❩ ❛ Sometimes it feels good to fuck with something. Instead of always being fucked with. ❜ ❨588❩ ❛ How could you kill something you cared enough to name? ❜ ❨589❩ ❛ Draw a picture of my soul, and it’d be a scribble with fangs. ❜ ❨590❩ ❛ We have the same chemicals in our blood: shame, anger, greed. Unjustified nostalgia. ❜ ❨591❩ ❛ I appreciate a straightforward apology the way a tone-deaf person enjoys a fine piece of music. ❜ ❨592❩ ❛ The phrase fuck you may not rest on the tip of my tongue, but it’s near. Midtongue. ❜ ❨593❩ ❛ Nothing to it but to do it. ❜ ❨594❩ ❛ There are a lot of people who deserve a lesson, deserve to really understand, that nothing comes easy, that most things are going to go sour. ❜ ❨595❩ ❛ If ifs and buts were candies and nuts we’d all have a very Merry Christmas. ❜ ❨596❩ ❛ Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. ❜ ❨597❩ ❛ What does it do to a girl who knows her mother is a murderer? ❜ ❨598❩ ❛ That mean old bitch across the street bit it. ❜ ❨599❩ ❛ Survival is a talent. ❜ ❨600❩ ❛ Crazy isn't being broken or swallowing a dark secret. It’s you or me amplified. If you ever told a lie and enjoyed it. If you ever wished you could be a child forever. ❜ ❨601❩ ❛ Who has the courage to burn themselves? ❜ ❨602❩ ❛ Is insanity just a matter of dropping the act? ❜ ❨603❩ ❛ Have you ever confused a dream with life? Or stolen something when you have the cash? Have you ever been blue? Or thought your train moving while sitting still? ❜ ❨604❩ ❛ You need to be well fed, clothed, and housed to have time for this much self-pity. ❜ ❨605❩ ❛ When I am supposed to be awake, I am asleep; when I am supposed to speak, I am silent. When a pleasure offers itself to me, I avoid it. ❜ ❨606❩ ❛ There is thought, and then there is thinking about thoughts, and they don't feel the same. ❜ ❨607❩ ❛ In a strange way we are free. We've reached the end of the line. We have nothing more to lose. ❜ ❨608❩ ❛ The world won’t stop because we aren’t in it anymore. ❜ ❨609❩ ❛ I can't answer the real question. All I can tell you is, it's easy. ❜ ❨610❩ ❛ I am lighter, airier than I’ve been in years. ❜ ❨611❩ ❛ I am not dead, yet something in me definitely is. ❜ ❨612❩ ❛ You meant that as an insult but I am taking it as a compliment. ❜ ❨613❩ ❛ What life can recover from that? ❜ ❨614❩ ❛ It's a fairly accurate portrait of me. It's accurate but it isn't profound. ❜ ❨615❩ ❛ Pull yourself together! There's nothing wrong with you. ❜ ❨616❩ ❛ It's quiet. It's like― I don't know. It's like falling off a cliff. ❜ ❨617❩ ❛ Once you start parsing a face, it's a peculiar item: squishy, pointy, with lots of air vents and wet spots. ❜ ❨618❩ ❛ I lost him. I did it on purpose. ❜ ❨619❩ ❛ It’s a mean world. There’s nobody to take care of you out there. ❜ ❨620❩ ❛ Reality is getting too dense. ❜ ❨621❩ ❛ I'm ambivalent. In fact that's my new favourite word. ❜ ❨622❩ ❛ I can't come up with reassuring answers to the terrible questions you raise. ❜ ❨623❩ ❛ A spring day, the sort that gives people hope: all soft winds and delicate smells of warm earth. Suicide weather. ❜ ❨624❩ ❛ Twenty-five chocolate chip cookies would be the perfect dinner. ❜ ❨625❩ ❛ A thought is a hard thing to control. ❜ ❨626❩ ❛ Life demands skills I don’t have. ❜ ❨627❩ ❛ Light like this does not exist, but we wish it did. We wish the sun could make us young and beautiful. Most of all, we wish that everyone we knew could be brightened simply by our looking at them. ❜ ❨628❩ ❛ It never stops, even at night, it’s my lullaby. ❜ ❨629❩ ❛ Love blurs your vision; but after it recedes, you can see more clearly than ever. ❜ ❨630❩ ❛ This is the kind of thing you see if you sit in the darkness with open eyes. ❜ ❨631❩ ❛ I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. ❜ ❨632❩ ❛ Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. ❜ ❨633❩ ❛ Hatred is easier. Hatred is clear, metallic, one-handed, unwavering; unlike love. ❜ ❨634❩ ❛ Potential has a shelf life. ❜ ❨635❩ ❛ Don’t move. Stay like that, let me have that. ❜ ❨636❩ ❛ I have come to the edge, of the land. I could get pushed over. ❜ ❨637❩ ❛ Never pray for justice, because you might get some. ❜ ❨638❩ ❛ It disturbs me to learn I have hurt someone unintentionally. I want all my hurts to be intentional. ❜ ❨639❩ ❛ We have been shark to one another, but also lifeboat. That counts for something. ❜ ❨640❩ ❛ This is what I miss, not something that’s gone, but something that will never happen. ❜ ❨641❩ ❛ I am not good. I know too much to be good. I know myself. I know myself to be vengeful, greedy, secretive and sly. ❜ ❨642❩ ❛ You are amazing. Amazing and agonising and almost lethal. ❜ ❨643❩ ❛ In my dreams of this city I am always lost. ❜ ❨644❩ ❛ I don't know where these feelings have come from, I don’t know what I've done. ❜ ❨645❩ ❛ I am not the centre of your story, you are. ❜ ❨646❩ ❛ I’m mad because you’re an asshole. ❜ ❨647❩ ❛ It's enormously pleasing to me, walking away. It's like being able to make people appear and vanish, at will. ❜ ❨648❩ ❛ There is never only one of anyone. ❜ ❨649❩ ❛ I can't do this without feeling I'm acting. ❜ ❨650❩ ❛ I am prepared for almost anything; except absence, except silence. ❜ ❨651❩ ❛ I’m losing my appetite for strangers. ❜ ❨652❩ ❛ You wear your cravings on the outside, like the suckers on a squid. You want it all. ❜ ❨653❩ ❛ Knowing too much about other people weakens you. You are forced to understand their reasons for doing things. ❜ ❨654❩ ❛ I have lost confidence: perhaps all I will ever be is what I am now. ❜ ❨655❩ ❛ Echoes of light, shining out of the midst of nothing. It's old light, and there's not much of it. But it's enough to see by. ❜ ❨656❩ ❛ Whoever cares the most will lose. ❜ ❨657❩ ❛ Young women need unfairness, it’s one of their few defences. ❜ ❨658❩ ❛ Time has gone on without you. ❜ ❨659❩ ❛ Don't let the bastards grind you down. ❜ ❨660❩ ❛ Who can remember pain, once it’s over? Pain marks you, but too deep to see. Out of sight, out of mind. ❜ ❨661❩ ❛ Better never means better for everyone. It always means worse, for some. ❜ ❨662❩ ❛ There is more than one kind of freedom. Freedom to and freedom from. ❜ ❨663❩ ❛ Remember that forgiveness too is a power. ❜ ❨664❩ ❛ I am not your justification for existence. ❜ ❨665❩ ❛ I want to be valued, in ways that I am not; I want to be more than valuable. ❜ ❨666❩ ❛ If it's a story I'm telling, then I have control over the ending. ❜ ❨667❩ ❛ All you have to do is keep your mouth shut and look stupid. It shouldn't be that hard. ❜ ❨668❩ ❛ Truly amazing, what people can get used to, as long as there are a few compensations. ❜ ❨669❩ ❛ I want everything back, the way it was. ❜ ❨670❩ ❛ You can't help what you feel, but you can help how you behave. ❜ ❨671❩ ❛ Nothing changes instantaneously: in a gradually heating bathtub you'd be boiled to death before you knew it. ❜ ❨672❩ ❛ To want is to have a weakness. ❜ ❨673❩ ❛ There isn't even an enemy you could put your finger on. ❜ ❨674❩ ❛ The past is a great darkness, filled with echoes. ❜ ❨675❩ ❛ Ordinary is what you are used to. This may not seem ordinary to you now, but after a time it will. It will become ordinary. ❜ ❨676❩ ❛ I wish this story were different. I wish it were more civilised. I wish it showed me in a better light. ❜ ❨677❩ ❛ The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don't move. As long as I lie still. ❜ ❨678❩ ❛ By telling you anything at all I'm at least believing in you. ❜ ❨679❩ ❛ Whatever is silenced will clamour to be heard. ❜ ❨680❩ ❛ Don't worry about forgiving me right now. There are more important things. ❜ ❨681❩ ❛ Keep the others safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. ❜ ❨682❩ ❛ The body is so easily damaged, so easily disposed of, water and chemicals is all it is, hardly more to it than a jellyfish, drying on sand. ❜ ❨683❩ ❛ The world is full of weapons if you're looking for them. ❜ ❨684❩ ❛ Nobody's heart is perfect. ❜ ❨685❩ ❛ One false move and I'm dead. ❜ ❨686❩ ❛ Watch out. I've got my eye on you. ❜ ❨687❩ ❛ Fear is a powerful stimulant. ❜ ❨688❩ ❛ I couldn't afford to lose you. ❜ ❨689❩ ❛ Name one hero who was happy. ---- You can’t. ❜ ❨690❩ ❛ I feel like I could eat the world raw. ❜ ❨691❩ ❛ We are like gods at the dawning of the world. ❜ ❨692❩ ❛ I could recognise him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world. ❜ ❨693❩ ❛ There are no bargains between lion and men. I will kill you and eat you raw. ❜ ❨694❩ ❛ You can use a spear as a walking stick, but that will not change its nature. ❜ ❨695❩ ❛ He is a weapon, a killer. Do not forget it. ❜ ❨696❩ ❛ Some men gain glory after they die, others fade. ❜ ❨697❩ ❛ I am made of memories. ❜ ❨698❩ ❛ Will you come with me? ❜ ❨699❩ ❛ I wish I had let you all die. ❜ ❨700❩ ❛ It is right to seek peace for the dead. You and I both know there is no peace for those who live after. ❜ ❨701❩ ❛ Bury us. Let us be free. ❜ ❨702❩ ❛ Go. He waits for you. ❜ ❨703❩ ❛ Nothing could eclipse the stain of this dirty, mortal mediocrity. ❜ ❨704❩ ❛ I know I have told you of this. ❜ ❨705❩ ❛ I don't know how you remember them all. I swear they look the same to me. ❜ ❨706❩ ❛ Perhaps you should get some new stories, so I don’t fucking kill myself of boredom. ❜ ❨707❩ ❛ I yearn for the darkness and silence of the underworld, where I can rest. ❜ ❨708❩ ❛ There is no honour in betraying your friends. ❜ ❨709❩ ❛ There is no answer. Whichever you choose, you are wrong. ❜ ❨710❩ ❛ Divine blood flows differently. ❜ ❨711❩ ❛ How is there glory in taking life? We die so easily. ❜ ❨712❩ ❛ This is what I will miss, I think. I will kill myself rather than miss it. ❜ ❨713❩ ❛ How long do we have? ❜ ❨714❩ ❛ Do you think we fight hopeless wars? ❜ ❨715❩ ❛ There is no law that gods must be fair. ❜ ❨716❩ ❛ I do not fear ridicule. I never have. ❜ ❨717❩ ❛ You were always better with words than I. ❜ ❨718❩ ❛ Who can be ashamed to lose to such beauty? ❜ ❨719❩ ❛ When you see beauty in desolation it changes something inside you. ❜ ❨720❩ ❛ That's how the madness of the world tries to colonise you: from the outside in, forcing you to live in its reality. ❜ ❨721❩ ❛ The shadows of the abyss are like the petals of a monstrous flower that shall blossom within the skull and expand the mind beyond what any man can bear. ❜ ❨722❩ ❛ Silence creates violence. ❜ ❨723❩ ❛ Some questions will ruin you if you are denied the answer long enough. ❜ ❨724❩ ❛ There are certain kinds of connections that are so deep that when broken you feel the snap of it inside you. ❜ ❨725❩ ❛ Nothing that ever lived and breathed was truly objective—even in a vacuum, even if all that possessed the brain was a self-immolating desire for the truth. ❜ ❨726❩ ❛ We all live in a kind of continuous dream. ❜ ❨727❩ ❛ You can either waste time worrying about a death that might not come or concentrate on what’s left to you. ❜ ❨728❩ ❛ What can you do when your five senses are not enough? ❜ ❨729❩ ❛ We will neither be what we had been nor what we would become once we reach our destination. ❜ ❨730❩ ❛ Perhaps my only real expertise, my only talent, is to endure beyond the endurable. ❜ ❨731❩ ❛ When you are too close to the centre of a mystery there is no way to pull back. ❜ ❨732❩ ❛ I long ago stopped believing in promises. Biological imperatives, yes. Environmental factors, yes. Promises, no. ❜ ❨733❩ ❛ I look not for shooting stars but for fixed ones, and I try to imagine what kind of life lives in those celestial tidal pools so far from us. ❜ ❨734❩ ❛ I hesitated for just a moment. Some part of me wanted to see the creature, I think. If so, it was a very small part. I ran. ❜ ❨735❩ ❛ I don’t require any of this to have a deeper meaning. ❜ ❨736❩ ❛ All of this speculation is incomplete, inexact, inaccurate, useless. ❜ ❨737❩ ❛ We don’t have real answers, because we still don’t know what questions to ask. Our instruments are useless, our methodology broken, our motivations selfish. ❜ ❨738❩ ❛ This part I will do alone. Don’t follow. ❜ ❨739❩ ❛ People my entire life have told me I am too much in control, but that has never been the case. I have never truly been in control. ❜ ❨740❩ ❛ Has there always been someone like me to bury the bodies, to have regrets, to carry on after everyone else was dead? ❜ ❨741❩ ❛ I loved them, but I didn’t need them, and I thought that was the way it was supposed to be. ❜ ❨742❩ ❛ Places can impress themselves upon me, and I can become part of them with ease. ❜ ❨743❩ ❛ There is no one with me. I am all by myself. ❜ ❨744❩ ❛ Pretending often leads to becoming a reasonable facsimile of what you mimic. ❜ ❨745❩ ❛ I think you're confusing suicide with self-destruction, and they're very different. Almost none of us commit suicide, whereas almost all of us self-destruct. ❜ ❨746❩ ❛ What did you eat? You had rations for only two weeks. You were there for nearly four months. ❜ ❨747❩ ❛ Something here is making giant waves in the gene pool. ❜ ❨748❩ ❛ I need to know what’s inside. ❜ ❨749❩ ❛ These aren't decisions. They're impulses ❜ ❨750❩ ❛ What do you think I do when you’re away? Do you think I’m out in the garden pinning, looking up at the sky? ❜ ❨751❩ ❛ If I know what’s happened I can save their life. ❜ ❨752❩ ❛ They either went crazy or something in here killed them. ❜ ❨753❩ ❛ Something is coming through the fence! ❜ ❨754❩ ❛ Nothing is written in the stars. Not these stars, nor any others. No one controls your destiny. ❜ ❨755❩ ❛ People who claim that they're evil are usually no worse than the rest of us. ❜ ❨756❩ ❛ Happy endings are still endings. ❜ ❨757❩ ❛ We believe in all sorts of things that aren't true; -- we call it history. ❜ ❨758❩ ❛ Does the devil ever struggle to be good again, or if so is he not a devil? ❜ ❨759❩ ❛ In the lives of children, pumpkins turn into coaches, mice and rats turn into men. When we grow up, we realise it is far more common for men to turn into rats. ❜ ❨760❩ ❛ Girls need cold anger. They need the cold simmer, the ceaseless grudge, the talent to avoid forgiveness, the side stepping of compromise. ❜ ❨761❩ ❛ Love makes hunters of us all. ❜ ❨762❩ ❛ There is much to hate in this world and way too much to love. ❜ ❨763❩ ❛ You confuse not speaking with not listening. ❜ ❨764❩ ❛ As long as people are going to call you a lunatic anyway, why not get the benefit of it? It liberates you from convention. ❜ ❨765❩ ❛ The eye is always caught by light, but shadows have more to say. ❜ ❨766❩ ❛ Not everyone is born a witch or a saint. Not everyone is born talented, or crooked, or blessed; some are born definite in no particular at all. ❜ ❨767❩ ❛ We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. ❜ ❨768❩ ❛ The wickedness of men is that their power breeds stupidity and blindness. ❜ ❨769❩ ❛ I know you don't want to hear this but someone has to say it! You are out of control! ❜ ❨770❩ ❛ Even at the very worst - there is always choice. ❜ ❨771❩ ❛ Maybe the definition of home is the place where you are never forgiven. So you may always belong there, bound by guilt. And maybe the cost of belonging is worth it. ❜ ❨772❩ ❛ Cross a man and you struggle, one of you wins, you adjust and go on -- or you lie there dead. Cross a woman and the entire universe is changed. ❜ ❨773❩ ❛ That was such a wonderful time, even in its strangeness and sadness. Life isn't the same now. It's wonderful, but it isn't the same. ❜ ❨774❩ ❛ I don't care for approval, and I don't mind doing without. ❜ ❨775❩ ❛ It's where I live. A permanent state of bereavement. This is nothing new. ❜ ❨776❩ ❛ Always the bridesmaid, never the bride. Always the godfather, never the god. ❜ ❨777❩ ❛ The world unwraps itself to you, again and again as soon as you are ready to see it anew. ❜ ❨778❩ ❛ Evil is an act, not an appetite. Everyone has the appetite. If you give in to it, that act is evil. The appetite is normal. ❜ ❨779❩ ❛ How many haven't wanted to slash the throat of some boor across the dining room table? ❜ ❨780❩ ❛ Even God used silence as a strategy. ❜ ❨781❩ ❛ I learned failure early and mastered it. ❜ ❨782❩ ❛ It isn't whether you do it well or ill, it's that you do it all. ❜ ❨783❩ ❛ This is why you shouldn't fall in love, it blinds you. Love is a very wicked distraction. ❜ ❨784❩ ❛ Wisdom is not the understanding of mystery. Wisdom is accepting that mystery is beyond understanding. That's what makes it mystery. ❜ ❨785❩ ❛ Wrong takes an awful long time to be proven, in my experience. ❜ ❨786❩ ❛ Such brightness, as you know, decays brilliantly. ❜ ❨787❩ ❛ I take responsibility only for the future, not the past. The past can't hurt you the way the future can. ❜ ❨788❩ ❛ Tell me to mind my own business, tell me to go fuck myself, to piss off, go on, say it, but don’t tell me nothing’s wrong. ❜ ❨789❩ ❛ The truth isn't a thing of fact or reason. It is simply what everyone agrees on. ❜ ❨790❩ ❛ One can't make peace with another by force. ❜ ❨791❩ ❛ I am a forgettable leaf on a tree. ❜ ❨792❩ ❛ That's all I want; --- to do no harm. ❜ ❨793❩ ❛ I only believe in the opposite of luck, whatever that is. ❜ ❨794❩ ❛ Human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give birth to them, life obliges them over and over again to give birth to themselves. ❜ ❨795❩ ❛ You’re too young to know that the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and thanks to that we manage to endure the burden of the past. ❜ ❨796❩ ❛ Love, no matter what else it might be, is a natural talent. You are either born knowing how, or you never know. ❜ ❨797❩ ❛ Whatever you do, you will be sorry all the rest of your life. ❜ ❨798❩ ❛ There is no God worth worrying about. ❜ ❨799❩ ❛ The only regret I will have in dying is if it is not for love. ❜ ❨800❩ ❛ Wisdom comes to us when it can no longer do any good. ❜ ❨801❩ ❛ Think of love as a state of grace, not the means to anything, but the very end in itself. ❜ ❨802❩ ❛ Only God knows how much I love you. ❜ ❨803❩ ❛ There is no greater glory than to die for love. ❜ ❨804❩ ❛ Nothing resembles a person as much as the way he dies. ❜ ❨805❩ ❛ Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can, because these things don't last your whole life. ❜ ❨806❩ ❛ Today, when I saw you, I realised that what is between us is nothing more than an illusion. ❜ ❨807❩ ❛ I have waited for this opportunity for more than half a century. ❜ ❨808❩ ❛ I want to be myself again, to recover all that I was obliged to give up. ❜ ❨809❩ ❛ The only thing worse than bad health is a bad name. ❜ ❨810❩ ❛ This soup tastes like windows. ❜ ❨811❩ ❛ Why do you insist on talking about what does not exist? ❜ ❨812❩ ❛ One has to live a long time to know a man's true nature. ❜ ❨813❩ ❛ No, not rich, I am a poor man with money, which is not the same thing. ❜ ❨814❩ ❛ My heart has more rooms than a whorehouse. ❜ ❨815❩ ❛ That may be the reason he does so many things, so that he will not have to think. ❜ ❨816❩ ❛ Love if it exists, is something separate: another life. ❜ ❨817❩ ❛ Things did not go as badly for me as they would for you. ❜ ❨818❩ ❛ There are things you do only for love. ❜ ❨819❩ ❛ I’ll have plenty of time to rest when I die. ❜ ❨820❩ ❛ There is no innocence more dangerous than the innocence of age. ❜ ❨821❩ ❛ You treat me as if I were just anybody. ❜ ❨822❩ ❛ The symptoms of love are the same as those of cholera. ❜ ❨823❩ ❛ There is no law, human or divine, that you have not ignored. ❜ ❨824❩ ❛ Why is it that I feel I've known you so many years? ❜ ❨825❩ ❛ Stuff your eyes with wonder, live as if you'd drop dead in ten seconds. See the world. It's more fantastic than any dream made or paid for in factories. ❜ ❨826❩ ❛ It doesn't matter what you do, so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that's like you after you take your hands away. ❜ ❨827❩ ❛ We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real? ❜ ❨828❩ ❛ There must be something, something we can’t imagine, to make a woman stay in a burning house; there must be something there. You don’t stay for nothing. ❜ ❨829❩ ❛ If you hide your ignorance, no one will hit you and you'll never learn. ❜ ❨830❩ ❛ If you drown, at least die knowing you were heading for shore. ❜ ❨831❩ ❛ You can't make people listen. They have to come round in their own time, wondering what happened and why the world blew up around them. ❜ ❨832❩ ❛ It was a pleasure to burn. ❜ ❨833❩ ❛ I'm antisocial, they say. I don't mix. It's so strange. I'm very social indeed. It all depends on what you mean by social, doesn't it? ❜ ❨834❩ ❛ Being with people is nice. But I don't think it's social to get a bunch of people together and then not let them talk, do you? ❜ ❨835❩ ❛ Do you notice how people hurt each other nowadays? ❜ ❨836❩ ❛ Who knows who might be the target of the well-read man? ❜ ❨837❩ ❛ I don't talk things. I talk the meaning of things. ❜ ❨838❩ ❛ I'll hold on to the world tight some day. I've got one finger on it now; that's a beginning. ❜ ❨839❩ ❛ I just want someone to hear what I have to say. And maybe if I talk long enough it'll make sense. ❜ ❨840❩ ❛ That's the good part of dying; when you've nothing to lose, you run any risk you want. ❜ ❨841❩ ❛ Someday we'll build the biggest goddamn steamshovel in history and dig the biggest grave of all time and shove war in it and cover it up. ❜ ❨842❩ ❛ You're not like the others. I've seen a few; I know. When I talk, you look at me. ❜ ❨843❩ ❛ You're afraid of making mistakes. Don't be. Mistakes can be profited by. ❜ ❨844❩ ❛ When they give you lined paper, write the other way. ❜ ❨845❩ ❛ The sun burnt every day. It burnt time. ❜ ❨846❩ ❛ We have everything we need to be happy but we aren't happy. Something is missing. ❜ ❨847❩ ❛ I feel I'm doing what I should've done a lifetime ago. ❜ ❨848❩ ❛ I'm not afraid. Maybe it's because I'm doing the right thing at last. Maybe it's because I've done a rash thing and don't want to look the coward to you. ❜ ❨849❩ ❛ Good God, who were those men? I never saw them before in my life! ❜ ❨850❩ ❛ How do you get so empty? Who takes it out of you? ❜ ❨851❩ ❛ It must be right. It seems so right. ❜ ❨852❩ ❛ To everything there is a season. Yes. A time to break down, and a time to build up. A time to keep silence and a time to speak. ❜ ❨853❩ ❛ It's my game. And no one can help me. Not even you. ❜ ❨854❩ ❛ What makes earth feel like hell is our expectation that it should feel like heaven. Earth is earth. Dead is dead. You’ll find out for yourself soon enough. ❜ ❨855❩ ❛ Death is a long process. Your body is just the first part of you that croaks. Beyond that, your dreams have to die. Then your expectations. Your anger and memories must die. Your ego. Your pride and shame and ambition and hope. ❜ ❨856❩ ❛ Help me give up my addiction to hope. ❜ ❨857❩ ❛ Life is short, death is forever. ❜ ❨858❩ ❛ Hope is something really tough and tenacious you have to give up. It’s an addiction to break. ❜ ❨859❩ ❛ If the living are haunted by the dead, then the dead are haunted by their own mistakes. ❜ ❨860❩ ❛ We all wish to be pursued. We all long to be desired. ❜ ❨861❩ ❛ All the demons of hell formerly reigned as gods in previous cultures. No it's not fair, but one man's god is another man's devil. ❜ ❨862❩ ❛ I can become someone else, not out of pressure and desperation, but merely because a new life sounds fun or interesting or joyful. ❜ ❨863❩ ❛ It's my petty fear of personal rejection that allows so many true evils to exist. My cowardice enables atrocities. ❜ ❨864❩ ❛ You fucked up. Game over. So just relax. ❜ ❨865❩ ❛ The greatest weapon any warrior can carry into battle is absolute certainty of her eternal soul. ❜ ❨866❩ ❛ If killing you will end my existence as well, be it. Small loss. Such a life, as your puppet, is not worth living. ❜ ❨867❩ ❛ I might be a touch of a sadist and a little bit jejune but at least I'm not a victim, not any longer. I hope. ❜ ❨868❩ ❛ Dying seems like the greatest weakness, and in a world where people say you're lazy for not shaving your legs, then being dead seems like the ultimate character flaw. ❜ ❨869❩ ❛ Any concept of right versus wrong, is merely a cultural construct relative to one specific time and place. ❜ ❨870❩ ❛ To prove that I exist I must kill you. ❜ ❨871❩ ❛ I'd say that my life has been a way-too-long case history of chasing rainbows. ❜ ❨872❩ ❛ The world is a battle for attention, a war to be heard. ❜ ❨873❩ ❛ Every garden looks beautiful in May. ❜ ❨874❩ ❛ When we neglect to fear such brittle monstrosity, we render it powerless. ❜ ❨875❩ ❛ My taste for power continues to grow, as does my ability to accrue it. ❜ ❨876❩ ❛ Such language! Why don't you just take a dump in my ears? ❜ ❨877❩ ❛ You’d be foolish to count on people displaying high standards of honesty. ❜ ❨878❩ ❛ Depending on her mood, she can be more frightening than any demon or devil you might ever run across. ❜ ❨879❩ ❛ Cross your fingers! Maybe death won't happen to you. ❜ ❨880❩ ❛ Do not die while wearing cheap shoes. ❜ ❨881❩ ❛ Old habits die hard. ❜ ❨882❩ ❛ It's our attachments to a fixed identity that torture us. ❜ ❨883❩ ❛ What do I think I am? In a thousand words; I don't have a clue. ❨884❩ ❛ If I am to be saved it is because your love redeems me. ❜ ❨885❩ ❛ All I wanted was to be loved for myself. ❜ ❨886❩ ❛ I have tasted all the happiness the world can offer. ❜ ❨887❩ ❛ Shall we pity him? Shall we curse him? ❜ ❨888❩ ❛ You have a heart that can hold the entire empire of the world. ❜ ❨889❩ ❛ Look, I am not laughing now, crying, crying for you. ❜ ❨890❩ ❛ Tonight I gave you my soul, and I am dead. ❜ ❨891❩ ❛ You are afraid of me! And yet I am not really wicked. Love me and you shall see! ❜ ❨892❩ ❛ Are people so unhappy when they love? --- Yes, when they love and are not sure of being loved. ❜ ❨893❩ ❛ Your soul is a beautiful thing. No emperor received so fair a gift. The angels wept tonight. ❜ ❨894❩ ❛ Blood!...Blood!... That's a good thing! ❜ ❨895❩ ❛ Now I want to live like everybody else. I want to have a life like everybody else. ❜ ❨896❩ ❛ You will be the happiest of women. And we will sing, all by ourselves, till we swoon away with delight. ❜ ❨897❩ ❛ I should be as gentle as a lamb; and you could do anything with me that you pleased. ❜ ❨898❩ ❛ I am going to die of love, I am dying of love. That's how it is. I loved you so. I still love you so. ❜ ❨899❩ ❛ I am dying of love for her, I tell you! If only you knew how beautiful she was when she let me kiss her. ❜ ❨900❩ ❛ He fills me with horror but I do not hate him. How can I hate him? ❜ ❨901❩ ❛ Holy angel, in Heaven blessed, my spirit longs with thee to rest. ❜ ❨902❩ ❛ Nothing is colder or more dead than my heart. ❜ ❨903❩ ❛ I had loved an angel and now I despise a woman. ❜ ❨904❩ ❛ Our lives are one masked ball. ❜ ❨905❩ ❛ Why do you condemn a man whom you have never met, whom no one knows and about whom even you yourself know nothing? ❜ ❨906❩ ❛ He would commit murder for me. ❜ ❨907❩ ❛ If I don't save her from the hands of that humbug, she is lost. But I shall save her. ❜ ❨908❩ ❛ We will go from here together or die together. ❜ ❨909❩ ❛ Your fear, your terror, all of that is just love and love of the most exquisite kind, the kind which people do not admit even to themselves. The kind that gives you a thrill, when you think of it. ❜ ❨910❩ ❛ Destiny has chained you to me forever. ❜ ❨911❩ ❛ You must never ask me that. ❜ ❨912❩ ❛ Are you afraid that you will change your mind? ❜ ❨913❩ ❛ You must come and fetch me in my dressing room at midnight exactly. ❜ ❨914❩ ❛ The holes in your life are permanent. You have to grow around them, like tree roots around concrete; you mould yourself through the gaps. ❜ ❨915❩ ❛ I have never understood how people can blithely disregard the damage they do by following their hearts. ❜ ❨916❩ ❛ There’s something comforting about the sight of strangers safe at home. ❜ ❨917❩ ❛ I have lost control over everything, even the places in my head. ❜ ❨918❩ ❛ It’s possible to miss what you’ve never had, to even mourn for it. ❜ ❨919❩ ❛ There’s nothing so painful, so corrosive, as suspicion. ❜ ❨920❩ ❛ When did you become so weak? ❜ ❨921❩ ❛ I don’t know where that strength went, I don’t remember losing it. I think that over time it got chipped away, bit by bit, by life, by the living of it. ❜ ❨922❩ ❛ Let’s be honest: women are still only really valued for two things—their looks and their role as mothers. ❜ ❨923❩ ❛ Sadness gets boring after a while, for the sad person and for everyone around them. ❜ ❨924❩ ❛ I’m playing at real life instead of actually living it. ❜ ❨925❩ ❛ I’ve just got to let myself feel the pain, because if I don’t, if I keep numbing it, it’ll never really go away. ❜ ❨926❩ ❛ I am not the girl I used to be. I am no longer desirable, I’m off-putting in some way. It’s as if people can see the damage written all over me, can see it in my face, the way I hold myself, the way I move. ❜ ❨927❩ ❛ Who was it that said following your heart is a good thing? It is pure egotism, a selfishness to conquer all. ❜ ❨928❩ ❛ It’s impossible to resist the kindness of strangers. ❜ ❨929❩ ❛ Sometimes I catch myself trying to remember the last time I had meaningful physical contact with another person, just a hug or a heartfelt squeeze of my hand, and my heart twitches. ❜ ❨930❩ ❛ I have to find a way of making myself happy, I have to stop looking for happiness elsewhere. ❜ ❨931❩ ❛ How did I find myself here? I wonder where it started, my decline; I wonder at what point I could have halted it. Where did I take the wrong turn? ❜ ❨932❩ ❛ Now look -- Now look what you made me do. ❜ ❨933❩ ❛ It’s okay, whatever you did, whatever you’ve done: you suffered, you hurt, you deserve forgiveness. ❜ ❨934❩ ❛ They’re what I lost, they’re everything I want to be. ❜ ❨935❩ ❛ You broke me and I broke us. ❜ ❨936❩ ❛ I’ve been the fool. If he does it with you, he’ll do it to you. ❜ ❨937❩ ❛ I’d never realised, not until now, how shameful it is to be pitied. ❜ ❨938❩ ❛ Sometimes, I don’t want to go anywhere, I think I’ll be happy if I never have to set foot outside the house again. ❜ ❨939❩ ❛ I don’t believe in soul mates, but there’s an understanding between us that I just haven’t felt before, or at least, not for a long time. ❜ ❨940❩ ❛ There can be no greater agony, nothing can be more painful than the not knowing, which will never end. ❜ ❨941❩ ❛ Being the other woman is a huge turn-on, there’s no point in denying it: you’re the one he can’t help but betray his wife for, even though he loves her. That’s just how irresistible you are. ❜ ❨942❩ ❛ I feel a rush of gratitude so strong, it feels almost like love. ❜ ❨943❩ ❛ You don’t know how determined I can be. Once I’ve made my mind up, I’m a force to be reckoned with. ❜ ❨944❩ ❛ The more I want to be oblivious, the less I can be. Life and light will not let me be. ❜ ❨945❩ ❛ You don’t have to be afraid of being alone. It’s not the worst thing, is it? ❜ ❨946❩ ❛ I have felt this way before. On a larger scale, to a more intense degree, of course, but I remember the quality of the pain. You don’t forget it. ❜ ❨947❩ ❛ If he thinks I’m going to sit around crying, he’s got another thing coming. ❜ ❨948❩ ❛ I don’t like to lose. It’s not like me. None of this is like me. I don’t get rejected. I’m the one who walks away. ❜ ❨949❩ ❛ I don’t remember anger, raging fury. I remember fear. ❜ ❨950❩ ❛ I can’t sleep. I haven’t slept in days. I hate it, hate insomnia more than anything, just lying there, brain going round, tick, tick, tick, tick. ❜ ❨951❩ ❛ Maybe the courage I need has nothing to do with telling the truth and everything to do with walking away. ❜ ❨952❩ ❛ I’m not beautiful, and I can’t have kids, so what does that make me? Worthless. ❜ ❨953❩ ❛ Failure cloaked me like a mantle, it overwhelmed me, dragged me under and I gave up hope. ❜ ❨954❩ ❛ It’s an odd thing to say, but I think this all the time; I don’t feel bad enough. ❜ ❨955❩ ❛ Some battles aren’t worth fighting. ❜ ❨956❩ ❛ I never felt guilty. I pretended I did. I had to. ❜ ❨957❩ ❛ I never meant for any of this to happen, we fell in love, what could we do? ❜ ❨958❩ ❛ What bothers me most is that I haven’t got to the end of my story, and I can’t start over with someone else, it’s too hard. ❜ ❨959❩ ❛ A person is, among all else, a material thing, easily torn and not easily mended. ❜ ❨960❩ ❛ It isn’t only wickedness and scheming that make people unhappy, it is confusion and misunderstanding. ❜ ❨961❩ ❛ Falling in love can be achieved in a single word—a glance. ❜ ❨962❩ ❛ Though you think the world is at your feet, it can rise up and tread on you. ❜ ❨963❩ ❛ I’ve never had a moment’s doubt. I love you. I believe in you completely. You are my dearest one. My reason for life. ❜ ❨964❩ ❛ It might hurt, it is horribly inconvenient, no good might come of it, but it is what it is to be in love. ❜ ❨965❩ ❛ It was always an impossible task, and that was precisely the point. ❜ ❨966❩ ❛ Come back, come back to me. ❜ ❨967❩ ❛ In my thoughts I make love to you all day long. ❜ ❨968❩ ❛ The truth is I feel rather light headed and foolish in your presence and I don’t think I can blame the heat. ❜ ❨969❩ ❛ Beauty occupies a narrow band. Ugliness, on the other hand, has infinite variation. ❜ ❨970❩ ❛ Is there any meaning in my life that the inevitable death awaiting me does not destroy? ❜ ❨971❩ ❛ However, withered, I still feel myself to be exactly the same person I’ve always been. ❜ ❨972❩ ❛ Hate is a feeling as pure as love, but dispassionate and icily rational. ❜ ❨973❩ ❛ I’m going mad. Let me not be mad. ❜ ❨974❩ ❛ Is everyone really as alive as I am? ❜ ❨975❩ ❛ Every now and then, quite unintentionally, someone teaches you something about yourself. ❜ ❨976❩ ❛ Something has happened, hasn’t it? ❜ ❨977❩ ❛ I like to think that it isn’t weakness or evasion, but a final act of kindness. ❜ ❨978❩ ❛ Is it possible that I am, in the modern term, in denial? ❜ ❨979❩ ❛ How could anyone presume to know the world through the eyes of an insect? ❜ ❨980❩ ❛ Not everything has a cause. Some things are simply so. ❜ ❨981❩ ❛ I’ll be quite honest with you. I’m torn between breaking your neck here and throwing you down the stairs. ❜ ❨982❩ ❛ How old do you have to be before you know the difference between right and wrong? ❜ ❨983❩ ❛ It was never meant to be read. ❜ ❨984❩ ❛ If I fell in the river, would you save me? ❜ ❨985❩ ❛ That was an incredibly bloody stupid thing to do. ❜ ❨986❩ ❛ I want to thank you for saving my life. I’ll be eternally grateful to you. ❜ ❨987❩ ❛ I’m very, very sorry for the terrible distress that I have caused. I’m very, very sorry. ❜ ❨988❩ ❛ Don’t call me that! – Please don’t call me that. ❜ ❨989❩ ❛ It may be the wrong decision, but fuck it, it’s mine. ❜ ❨990❩ ❛ Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer. ❜ ❨991❩ ❛ No one ever really gets used to nightmares. ❜ ❨992❩ ❛ I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I’m not. ❜ ❨993❩ ❛ Sublime is something you choke on after a shot of tequila. ❜ ❨994❩ ❛ Some people reflect light, some deflect it, you by some miracle, seem to collect it. ❜ ❨995❩ ❛ Beautiful women are always drawn to men they think will keep them beautiful. ❜ ❨996❩ ❛ The ruminations are mine, let the world be yours. ❜ ❨997❩ ❛ You will fulfil a promise I made years ago but failed to keep. ❜ ❨998❩ ❛ Darkness never satisfies. Especially if it takes something away which it almost always invariably does. ❜ ❨999❩ ❛ I want something else. I’m not even sure what to call it anymore. ❜ ❨1000❩ ❛ What can I say, I’m a sucker for abandoned stuff, misplaced stuff, forgotten stuff, any old stuff. ❜ ❨1001❩ ❛ Is it possible to love something so much, you imagine it wants to destroy you only because it has denied you? ❜ ❨1002❩ ❛ It’s just silent, no sound at all. It’s like something’s waiting. ❜ ❨1003❩ ❛ I guess I’m hoping the weapons will make me feel better, grant me some kind of fucking control. ❜ ❨1004❩ ❛ Oh and something else: – Fuck you. ❜ ❨1005❩ ❛ God I’ve never been afraid like this. ❜ ❨1006❩ ❛ I miss you. I love you. There’s no second I’ve lived that you can’t call your own. ❜ ❨1007❩ ❛ I’m so tired. Sleep’s been stalking me for too long to remember. Inevitable I suppose. ❜ ❨1008❩ ❛ Not seeing the rip doesn’t mean you automatically get to keep clear of the Hey-I’m-Bleeding part. ❜ ❨1009❩ ❛ These days fantasies flourish and die like summer flies. ❜ ❨1010❩ ❛ Yeah I know, I know. This shit’s getting ridiculous. ❜ ❨1011❩ ❛ ‘Fuck’ and 'fall for’ have very different meanings. The first one you do as much as you can. The second one you never ever, ever do. ❜ ❨1012❩ ❛ It’s a nice idea but it reeks of hope. False hope. ❜ ❨1013❩ ❛ It’s, well…one thing in two words: fucked up…very fucked up. Okay three words, four words, who the hell cares…very very fucked up. ❜ ❨1014❩ ❛ Do you think I could spend the night at your place? ❜ ❨1015❩ ❛ Any fool can pray. ❜ ❨1016❩ ❛ I feel like I haven’t slept in months. My neighbours are scared of me. ❜ ❨1017❩ ❛ I’ve lost my mind? Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe I’m just really drunk. ❜ ❨1018❩ ❛ Perhaps by cleaning out my system I’ll come to a clearing where I can ease myself into peace. ❜ ❨1019❩ ❛ I should be dead. Why am I still here? ❜ ❨1020❩ ❛ Fuck if I know. Your guess is as good as mine. ❜ ❨1021❩ ❛ You are my flesh. You are my bones. I know you too well. I read you too perfectly. ❜ ❨1022❩ ❛ Not all complex problems have easy solutions. ❜ ❨1023❩ ❛ Do you believe in God? I don’t think I ever asked you that one. ❜ ❨1024❩ ❛ We all create stories to protect ourselves. ❜ ❨1025❩ ❛ Are you kidding me? This place is scary. ❜ ❨1026❩ ❛ These days the only thing that gets me outside is when I say: Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck you. Fuck me. Fuck this. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. ❜ ❨1027❩ ❛ You like that crap because it reminds you of you. ❜ ❨1028❩ ❛ You may suddenly realise things are not how you perceived them to be at all. ❜ ❨1029❩ ❛ The two hardest tests are the patience to wait for the right moment and the courage not to be disappointed with what we encounter. ❜ ❨1030❩ ❛ People never learn anything by being told, they have to find out for themselves. ❜ ❨1031❩ ❛ Be crazy! But learn how to be crazy without being the center of attention. Be brave enough to live different. ❜ ❨1032❩ ❛ You are someone who is different, but who wants to be the same as everyone else. And that in my view is a serious illness. ❜ ❨1033❩ ❛ God chose you to be different. ❜ ❨1034❩ ❛ Why are you disappointing God with this kind of attitude? ❜ ❨1035❩ ❛ You have two choices, to control your mind or to let your mind control you. ❜ ❨1036❩ ❛ Everyone is indeed crazy, but the craziest are the ones who don't know they're crazy; they just keep repeating what others tell them to. ❜ ❨1037❩ ❛ Haven't you learned anything, not even with the approach of death? ❜ ❨1038❩ ❛ If people don't like it, they can complain. And if they don't have the courage to complain, that's their problem. ❜ ❨1039❩ ❛ Nothing in this world happens by chance. ❜ ❨1040❩ ❛ I want to continue living my life the way I dream it, and not the way the other people want it to be. ❜ ❨1041❩ ❛ Be like the fountain that overflows, not like the cistern that merely contains. ❜ ❨1042❩ ❛ Collective madness is called sanity. ❜ ❨1043❩ ❛ Consider each day a miracle - which indeed it is, when you consider the number of unexpected things that could happen in each second of our fragile existences. ❜ ❨1044❩ ❛ You say they create their own reality, but what is reality? ❜ ❨1045❩ ❛ Many people don't allow themselves to love because there are a lot of things at risk. A lot of future and a lot of past. ❜ ❨1046❩ ❛ Death frees from the fear of dying. ❜ ❨1047❩ ❛ The danger of an adventure is worth a thousand days of ease and comfort. ❜ ❨1048❩ ❛ The happier people can be, the unhappier they are. ❜ ❨1049❩ ❛ Life is always a matter of waiting for the right moment to act. ❜ ❨1050❩ ❛ It's best to accept life as it really is and not as you imagined it to be. ❜ ❨1051❩ ❛ You don't seem mad at all. ❜ ❨1052❩ ❛ We’re allowed to make a lot of mistakes in our lives, except the mistake that destroys us. ❜ ❨1053❩ ❛ You’re what you are, not what others make of you. ❜ ❨1054❩ ❛ Am I cured? ❜ ❨1055❩ ❛ Real love changes and grows with time and discovers new ways of expressing itself. ❜ ❨1056❩ ❛ A lot of people think something is right, and so that thing becomes right. Is that it? ❜ ❨1057❩ ❛ They think they're normal, because they all do the same thing. ❜ ❨1058❩ ❛ I didn't know that other ‘me’s existed inside me, ‘Me’s that I could love. ❜ ❨1059❩ ❛ I have no idea what's awaiting me. ❜ ❨1060❩ ❛ What will happen when this all ends? ❜ ❨1061❩ ❛ I know that you are capable of great deeds. ❜ ❨1062❩ ❛ A loveless world is a dead world, and always there comes an hour when one is weary of prisons, of one's work, and of devotion to duty, and all one craves for is a loved face, the warmth and wonder of a loving heart. ❜ ❨1063❩ ❛ The truth is that everyone is bored. ❜ ❨1064❩ ❛ I feel more fellowship with the defeated than with saints. Heroism and sanctity don't really appeal to me, I imagine. ❜ ❨1065❩ ❛ If there is one thing one can always yearn for, and sometimes attain, it is human love. ❜ ❨1066❩ ❛ Who would dare to assert that eternal happiness can compensate for even a single moment's suffering? ❜ ❨1067❩ ❛ It's not easy. I've been thinking it over for years. ❜ ❨1068❩ ❛ While we loved each other we didn't need words to make ourselves understood. ❜ ❨1069❩ ❛ People are more often bad than good. ❜ ❨1070❩ ❛ I don't believe in heroism; I know it's easy and I've learned that it can be murderous. ❜ ❨1071❩ ❛ What interests me is living and dying for what one loves. ❜ ❨1072❩ ❛ In fact, nobody is capable of really thinking about anyone, even in the worst calamity. ❜ ❨1073❩ ❛ Nothing in the world is worth turning one's back on what one loves. ❜ ❨1074❩ ❛ Again and again there comes a time in history when the man who dares to say that two and two make four is punished with death. ❜ ❨1075❩ ❛ There are more things to admire in men then to despise. ❜ ❨1076❩ ❛ It is in the thick of calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence. ❜ ❨1077❩ ❛ What on earth prompted you to take a hand in this? ❜ ❨1078❩ ❛ Your code of morals? What code, if I may ask? ❜ ❨1079❩ ❛ I'm fumbling in the dark, struggling to make something out. But I've long ceased finding anything. ❜ ❨1080❩ ❛ No doubt our love is still there, but quite simply it is unusable, heavy to carry, inert inside of us, sterile as crime or condemnation. ❜ ❨1081❩ ❛ I’m not happy to go, but one needn't be happy to make another start. ❜ ❨1082❩ ❛ I am incapable of suffering for a long time, or being happy for a long time. Which means that I am incapable of anything really worth while. ❜ ❨1083❩ ❛ I should have found the words to keep her with me. ❜ ❨1084❩ ❛ We can't stir a finger in this world without the risk of bringing death to somebody. ❜ ❨1085❩ ❛ The evil that is in the world comes out of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence, if they lack understanding. ❜ ❨1086❩ ❛ There are always flies and itches. That’s why life is difficult to live. ❜ ❨1087❩ ❛ The best protection against anything is a good bottle of wine. ❜ ❨1088❩ ❛ There is no peace without hope. ❜ ❨1089❩ ❛ It's enough for me to be sure that you and I exist at this moment. ❜ ❨1090❩ ❛ There is always something left to love. ❜ ❨1091❩ ❛ A person doesn’t die when he should but when he can. ❜ ❨1092❩ ❛ Things have a life of their own. It's simply a matter of waking up their souls. ❜ ❨1093❩ ❛ Tell me something: why are you fighting? ❜ ❨1094❩ ❛ I've come to realise only just now that I'm fighting because of pride. ❜ ❨1095❩ ❛ One minute of reconciliation is worth more than a whole life of friendship. ❜ ❨1096❩ ❛ It's better than not knowing why you're fighting. Or fighting, like you, for something that doesn't have any meaning for anyone. ❜ ❨1097❩ ❛ Holy Mother of God! ❜ ❨1098❩ ❛ A person does not belong to a place until there is someone dead under the ground. ❜ ❨1099❩ ❛ I was born a son of a bitch and I'm going to die a son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1100❩ ❛ Bad luck doesn't have any chinks in it. ❜ ❨1101❩ ❛ I plead youth as a mitigating circumstance. ❜ ❨1102❩ ❛ Get those bad thoughts out of your head. You're going to be happy. ❜ ❨1103❩ ❛ Children inherit their parents' madness. ❜ ❨1104❩ ❛ I'll turn to ashes in here but I won't give this miserable town the pleasure of seeing me weep. ❜ ❨1105❩ ❛ You would be good in a war. Where you put your eye, you put your bullet. ❜ ❨1106❩ ❛ Men demand much more than you think. ❜ ❨1107❩ ❛ Even the craziest and most persistent love is just a temporary truth. ❜ ❨1108❩ ❛ If we’re alone you can whisper in my ear any crap you can think of. ❜ ❨1109❩ ❛ You have taken this horrible game very seriously and you have done well because you are doing your duty. ❜ ❨1110❩ ❛ We have the right to pull down your pants and give you a whipping at the first sign of disrespect. ❜ ❨1111❩ ❛ What worries me is not your shooting me, because after all, for people like us it's a natural death. ❜ ❨1112❩ ❛ What worries me is that you've ended up as bad as they are. ❜ ❨1113❩ ❛ It is characteristic of men to deny hunger once their appetites are satisfied. ❜ ❨1114❩ ❛ Dying is much more difficult than one imagines. ❜ ❨1115❩ ❛ If you have to go crazy, please go crazy all by yourself! ❜ ❨1116❩ ❛ We have still not had a death. ❜ ❨1117❩ ❛ How awful, the way time passes. ❜ ❨1118❩ ❛ You may be in command of your war, but I'm in command of my house. ❜ ❨1119❩ ❛ I missed you every hour. ❜ ❨1120❩ ❛ You know what the worst part was? It caught me completely by surprise. ❜ ❨1121❩ ❛ I’ve risked my life for you. ❜ ❨1122❩ ❛ The problem with wanting is that it makes us weak. ❜ ❨1123❩ ❛ I love you, even the part of you that loved him. ❜ ❨1124❩ ❛ I’m sorry it took me so long to see you. ❜ ❨1125❩ ❛ I never really belonged anywhere. ❜ ❨1126❩ ❛ Thanks for being my best friend and making my life bearable. ❜ ❨1127❩ ❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜ ❨1128❩ ❛ You and I are going to change the world. ❜ ❨1129❩ ❛ I’ve been waiting for you a long time. ❜ ❨1130❩ ❛ I’m not used to people trying to kill me. ❜ ❨1131❩ ❛ You’re shaking. ❜ ❨1132❩ ❛ There's nothing wrong with being a lizard. Unless you were born to be a hawk. ❜ ❨1133❩ ❛ Make me your villain. ❜ ❨1134❩ ❛ Just you and me. It’s always just you and me. ❜ ❨1135❩ ❛ Do you blame me for every mistake I made? For every dumb thing I’ve said? ❜ ❨1136❩ ❛ Well, if it gets too bad, give me a signal. ❜ ❨1137❩ ❛ Did you tell him what I showed you in the dark? ❜ ❨1138❩ ❛ Did you miss me when you were gone? ❜ ❨1139❩ ❛ What is infinite? The universe and the greed of men. ❜ ❨1140❩ ❛ You’re interfering with my plan. ❜ ❨1141❩ ❛ Too much champagne? ❜ ❨1142❩ ❛ I hope you don’t expect fairness from me. It isn’t one of my specialties. ❜ ❨1143❩ ❛ There is something more powerful than any army. Something strong enough to topple kings. Faith. ❜ ❨1144❩ ❛ All you said was that I had to kill you. You didn’t say how. ❜ ❨1145❩ ❛ What is she? She’s everything, you dumb son of a bitch. ❜ ❨1146❩ ❛ She’s an ugly little thing. No child should look like that. Pale and sour, like a glass of milk that’s turned. ❜ ❨1147❩ ❛ I wouldn’t make that mistake again. ❜ ❨1148❩ ❛ It’s a great honor, to save a life. You saved many. ❜ ❨1149❩ ❛ In this world, there are things you can only do alone. �� ❨1150❩ ❛ What seems like a reasonable distance to one person might feel too far to somebody else. ❜ ❨1151❩ ❛ If you really want to know something, you have to be willing to pay the price. ❜ ❨1152❩ ❛ Why should you be interested in me? ❜ ❨1153❩ ❛ I have been told I've got a darkish personality. A few times. ❜ ❨1154❩ ❛ It's not as if our lives are divided simply into light and dark. There's shadowy middle ground. ❜ ❨1155❩ ❛ I'll write to you. A super-long letter, like in an old-fashioned novel. ❜ ❨1156❩ ❛ The spotlight doesn't suit me. I'm more of a side dish. ❜ ❨1157❩ ❛ The ground we stand on looks solid enough, but if something happens it can drop right out from under you. ❜ ❨1158❩ ❛ So once you're dead there's just nothing? ❜ ❨1159❩ ❛ If only I could fall sound asleep and wake up in my old reality. ❜ ❨1160❩ ❛ Is action merely the incidental product of thought, or is thought the consequential product of action? ❜ ❨1161❩ ❛ Nobody can shake off their own shadow. ❜ ❨1162❩ ❛ The silence is so deep it hurts. ❜ ❨1163❩ ❛ I may not look it, but I can be a very patient guy. ❜ ❨1164❩ ❛ Killing time is one of my specialities. ❜ ❨1165❩ ❛ You can't fight it. ❜ ❨1166❩ ❛ Tell me something,—do you believe in reincarnation? ❜ ❨1167❩ ❛ I can’t understand nothingness. I can’t understand it and I can’t imagine it. ❜ ❨1168❩ ❛ I can hardly breathe, and my whole body wants to shrink into a corner. ❜ ❨1169❩ ❛ I do have a few things wrong with me, but those are strictly problems I keep inside. ❜ ❨1170❩ ❛ I can't take it any more, I can't go on any more. ❜ ❨1171❩ ❛ You don't really have it together. ❜ ❨1172❩ ❛ Is it against the law for me to know it? ❜ ❨1173❩ ❛ I keep having the same dream. ❜ ❨1174❩ ❛ Are you asking because you really want an answer? ❜ ❨1175❩ ❛ I hate this! I don't want to be changed this way! ❜ ❨1176❩ ❛ No contradictions, no irony. They do everything according to numerical formulas. ❜ ❨1177❩ ❛ Want to hear the rest? If you’re not interested, I can stop. ❜ ❨1178❩ ❛ If I didn’t have these memories inside me, I would’ve snapped a long time ago. I would’ve curled up in a ditch somewhere and died. ❜ ❨1179❩ ❛ I don’t know what you’re feeling. I won’t even pretend. ❜ ❨1180❩ ❛ What are you doing here, honey? ❜ ❨1181❩ ❛ You're not even old enough to know how bad life gets. ❜ ❨1182❩ ❛ You don't understand me. ❜ ❨1183❩ ❛ All wisdom ends in paradox. ❜ ❨1184❩ ❛ It is love that overthrows empire. Love that binds two hearts together, come hellfire & brimstone. ❜ ❨1185❩ ❛ I have lost my gift. ❜ ❨1186❩ ❛ Winter is the season of alcoholism and despair. ❜ ❨1187❩ ❛ The seeds of death get lost in the mess that God made us. ❜ ❨1188❩ ❛ They're just memories now. It’s time to forget. ❜ ❨1189❩ ❛ The time has to be right and the heart willing. ❜ ❨1190❩ ❛ The world, a tired performer, offers us another half-assed season. ❜ ❨1191❩ ❛ Capitalism has resulted in material well-being but spiritual bankruptcy. ❜ ❨1192❩ ❛ Grief is natural, overcoming it is a matter of choice. ❜ ❨1193❩ ❛ I want out of that decorating scheme. ❜ ❨1194❩ ❛ With most people suicide is like Russian roulette. Only one chamber has a bullet. ❜ ❨1195❩ ❛ You never get over it but you get where it doesn't bother you so much. ❜ ❨1196❩ ❛ Don't waste your time on life. ❜ ❨1197❩ ❛ I'm a teenager. I've got problems! ❜ ❨1198❩ ❛ Adolescents tend to seek love where they can find it. ❜ ❨1199❩ ❛ Obviously, you've never been a thirteen-year-old girl. ❜ ❨1200❩ ❛ It was a mistake. ❜ ❨1201❩ ❛ It seemed like we were supposed to feel sorry for everything that ever happened, ever. ❜ ❨1202❩ ❛ Buffeted but not broken. ❜ ❨1203❩ ❛ Shit. What have kids got to be worried about now? ❜ ❨1204❩ ❛ If they want trouble, they should go live in Bangladesh. ❜ ❨1205❩ ❛ I can't wait until I get out of here. ❜ ❨1206❩ ❛ When she jumped she probably thought she’d fly. ❜ ❨1207❩ ❛ I do not think the patient truly meant to end her life. Her act was a cry for help. ❜ ❨1208❩ ❛ You're a stone fox. ❜ ❨1209❩ ❛ It was love at first sight, at last sight, at ever and ever sight. ❜ ❨1210❩ ❛ Light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. ❜ ❨1211❩ ❛ He broke my heart. You merely broke my life. ❜ ❨1212❩ ❛ I'm sorry to have deceived you so much, but that's how life is. ❜ ❨1213❩ ❛ Words without experience are meaningless. ❜ ❨1214❩ ❛ I loved you. I was a monster, but I loved you. ❜ ❨1215❩ ❛ Come just as you are. ❜ ❨1216❩ ❛ If a violin string could ache, i would be that string. ❜ ❨1217❩ ❛ Perhaps, somewhere, some day, at a less miserable time, we may see each other again. ❜ ❨1218❩ ❛ What's so dreadful about dying is that you are completely on your own. ❜ ❨1219❩ ❛ Don't touch me; I'll die if you touch me. ❜ ❨1220❩ ❛ You took advantage of my disadvantage. ❜ ❨1221❩ ❛ I walk in a maze I cannot get out of. ❜ ❨1222❩ ❛ Life is just one small piece of light between two eternal darknesses. ❜ ❨1223❩ ❛ Imagine me; I shall not exist if you do not imagine me. ❜ ❨1224❩ ❛ There is no harm in smiling. ❜ ❨1225❩ ❛ There is no point in staying here. There is no point in staying anywhere. ❜ ❨1226❩ ❛ There is nothing more atrociously cruel than an adored child. ❜ ❨1227❩ ❛ I am so tired of being cynical. ❜ ❨1228❩ ❛ Come to live with me, and die with me, and everything with me. ❜ ❨1229❩ ❛ This is the only immortality that you and I may share. ❜ ❨1230❩ ❛ I loved her more than anything I had ever seen or imagined on earth, or hoped for anywhere else. ❜ ❨1231❩ ❛ I was despicable and brutal, and turpid, and everything, mais je t’aimais, je t’aimais! ❜ ❨1232❩ ❛ Years of secret suffering has taught me superhuman self-control. ❜ ❨1233❩ ❛ Solitude is corrupting me. I need company and care. ❜ ❨1234❩ ❛ I've missed you terribly. ❜ ❨1235❩ ❛ I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. ❜ ❨1236❩ ❛ It doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. ❜ ❨1237❩ ❛ What makes you say I've stopped caring for you? ❜ ❨1238❩ ❛ Nowadays you have to be a scientist if you want to be a killer. ❜ ❨1239❩ ❛ The sun climbs high in the sky, then starts down. People come, then go. ❜ ❨1240❩ ❛ Tell me, have you ever thought of killing me? ❜ ❨1241❩ ❛ I can not believe you are the same human being. ❜ ❨1242❩ ❛ Just how urgent is it? ❜ ❨1243❩ ❛ It is time for you to be going. ❜ ❨1244❩ ❛ How is it you know something like that? ❜ ❨1245❩ ❛ I don’t mind. Your mess is my mess. ❜ ❨1246❩ ❛ Everybody has one thing they do not want to lose. ❜ ❨1247❩ ❛ I’ll be late tonight, so don’t wait up for me. ❜ ❨1248❩ ❛ Nothing I’ve tried to do by myself has ever come off. ❜ ❨1249❩ ❛ I am not catching you in the middle of anything important, am I? ❜ ❨1250❩ ❛ Some things are forgotten, some things disappear, some things die. ❜ ❨1251❩ ❛ My biggest fault is that the faults I was born with grow bigger each year. ❜ ❨1252❩ ❛ To get irritated is to lose our way in life. ❜ ❨1253❩ ❛ A friend to kill time is a friend sublime. ❜ ❨1254❩ ❛ I don't really know if it's the right thing to do. ❜ ❨1255❩ ❛ Faster cars and more cats run over? Who needs it? ❜ ❨1256❩ ❛ Most of everything you think you know about me is nothing more than memories. ❜ ❨1257❩ ❛ Your fate is and will always be the fate of a dreamer. ❜ ❨1258❩ ❛ You’re loads better than you think you are. ❜ ❨1259❩ ❛ You’re only half-living, the other half is still untapped somewhere. ❜ ❨1260❩ ❛ The song is over. But the melody lingers on. ❜ ❨1261❩ ❛ You are extraordinary. ❜ ❨1262❩ ❛ We tend to fool ourselves into thinking that time is our size, but it really goes on and on. ❜ ❨1263❩ ❛ It could be five years or ten years or one month. It's all the same. ❜ ❨1264❩ ❛ I’m forever realising things too late. ❜ ❨1265❩ ❛ I’m not complaining when I say my life is boring. ❜ ❨1266❩ ❛ Weakness is something that rots in the body. ❜ ❨1267❩ ❛ Coming from your mouth, it has the ring of truth, but I doubt anyone would believe me if I told them. ❜ ❨1268❩ ❛ You can't expect something unreal to last anyway, can you? ❜ ❨1269❩ ❛ A wise man does not step betwixt the beast and his meat. ❜ ❨1270❩ ❛ So, kill me. Tell the others I attacked you so you killed me. ❜ ❨1271❩ ❛ Should never have come here. ❜ ❨1272❩ ❛ Hard to guess my tastes. ❜ ❨1273❩ ❛ Can’t it wait until the morning? ❜ ❨1274❩ ❛ You’ll find temper tantrums won’t help you here. ❜ ❨1275❩ ❛ It must have taken courage to return. ❜ ❨1276❩ ❛ It all sounds grimly dystopian. ❜ ❨1277❩ ❛ I am not afraid of you! ❜ ❨1278❩ ❛ All this could be avoided! ❜ ❨1279❩ ❛ You consider me a murderer? ❜ ❨1280❩ ❛ Gross way to die. ❜ ❨1281❩ ❛ What sparks wars? The will to power, the backbone of human nature. ❜ ❨1282❩ ❛ My life amounts to no more than one drop in a limitless ocean. Yet what is any ocean, but a multitude of drops? ❜ ❨1283❩ ❛ Our lives are not our own. We are bound to others. ❜ ❨1284❩ ❛ I believe there is another world waiting for us. A better world. And I'll be waiting for you there. ❜ ❨1285❩ ❛ You are allowed to feel messed up and inside out. It doesn't mean you're defective - it just means you're human. ❜ ❨1286❩ ❛ Power, time, gravity, love. The forces that really kick ass are all invisible. ❜ ❨1287❩ ❛ Unlimited power in the hands of limited people always leads to cruelty. ❜ ❨1288❩ ❛ Truth is singular. Its 'versions' are mistruths. ❜ ❨1289❩ ❛ Dreams are all I have ever truly owned. ❜ ❨1290❩ ❛ Your version of the truth is the only thing that matters. ❜ ❨1291❩ ❛ I believe death is only a door. One closes, and another opens. ❜ ❨1292❩ ❛ By each crime and every kindness, we birth our future. ❜ ❨1293❩ ❛ The healthy can't understand the emptied, the broken. ❜ ❨1294❩ ❛ Lying's wrong, but when the world spins backwards, a small wrong may be a big right. ❜ ❨1295❩ ❛ The weak are meat the strong do eat. ❜ ❨1296❩ ❛ Do whatever you can't not do. ❜ ❨1297❩ ❛ What precipitates outcomes? Vicious acts & virtuous acts. ❜ ❨1298❩ ❛ I remain thankful to God for all his mercies. ❜ ❨1299❩ ❛ You can maintain power over people, as long as you give them something. Rob a man of everything, and that man will no longer be in your power. ❜ ❨1300❩ ❛ Power. The ability to determine another man's luck. ❜ ❨1301❩ ❛ Pain is strong, aye - but friends' eyes, more strong. ❜ ❨1302❩ ❛ Perhaps those deprived of beauty perceive it most instinctively. ❜ ❨1303❩ ❛ Why ask a question whose answer would demand ten more questions? ❜ ❨1304❩ ❛ You can’t lie to your soul. ❜ ❨1305❩ ❛ Why would I want to do a thing like that? ❜ ❨1306❩ ❛ We start off with high hopes, then we bottle it. ❜ ❨1307❩ ❛ Better to make life as complete and enjoyable an experience as possible, in case death is shite, which I suspect it will be. ❜ ❨1308❩ ❛ I’m not running away, I’m moving on. ❜ ❨1309❩ ❛ The reasons? There are no reasons. ❜ ❨1310❩ ❛ Some people are easier to love when you don’t have to be around them. ❜ ❨1311❩ ❛ Love does not exist. ❜ ❨1312❩ ❛ Fuck that ‘regrets’ bullshit. ❜ ❨1313❩ ❛ How does it make you feel? ❜ ❨1314❩ ❛ It’s horrible how we always die alone, but no worse than living alone. ❜ ❨1315❩ ❛ Choose us. Choose life. ❜ ❨1316❩ ❛ You fucking knew that fucking cunt would fuck some cunt. ❜ ❨1317❩ ❛ I’m more of a warrior than you’ll ever be. ❜ ❨1318❩ ❛ What does that make us? The lowest of the low, the scum of the earth. ❜ ❨1319❩ ❛ You don’t have to run away. ❜ ❨1320❩ ❛ I tried to stop because it was only causing pain. I couldn’t. ❜ ❨1321❩ ❛ I’m not going to get crushed. ❜ ❨1322❩ ❛ I love doubt in a woman. It’s nearly as sexy as determination. ❜ ❨1323❩ ❛ Take your best orgasm, multiply the feeling by twenty. ❜ ❨1324❩ ❛ You’re a mess. ❜ ❨1325❩ ❛ I know that it’s never left you alone. ❜ ❨1326❩ ❛ Are you asking me or telling me? ❜ ❨1327❩ ❛ You just get used to all the shit. ❜ ❨1328❩ ❛ You can’t afford a conscience in this life. ❜ ❨1329❩ ❛ None of us are saints and scapegoats are always handy. ❜ ❨1330❩ ❛ Doing things doesn’t hurt you; you get hurt by avoiding them. ❜ ❨1331❩ ❛ What was that? ❜ ❨1332❩ ❛ Protect me from those who wish to help us. ❜ ❨1333❩ ❛ You can’t love yourself if you want to hurt things like that. ❜ ❨1334❩ ❛ What happens when people open their hearts? ❜ ❨1335❩ ❛ Nobody likes being alone that much. ❜ ❨1336❩ ❛ I don’t go out of my way to make friends, that’s all. It just leads to disappointment.” ❨1337❩ ❛ Don’t feel sorry for yourself. Only assholes do that. ❜ ❨1338❩ ❛ You need to grab whatever chance you have of happiness where you find it, and not worry about other people too much. ❜ ❨1339❩ ❛ I want you always to remember me. ❜ ❨1340❩ ❛ Despite your best efforts, people are going to be hurt when it’s time for them to be hurt. ❜ ❨1341❩ ❛ What stays in your heart will stay; keep them, and what vanishes will vanish. ❜ ❨1342❩ ❛ All I want in this world is you. ❜ ❨1343❩ ❛ I want the two of us to begin everything from the beginning. ❜ ❨1344❩ ❛ No truth can cure the sorrow we feel from losing a loved one. ❜ ❨1345❩ ❛ What a terrible thing it is to wound someone you really care for and to do it so unconsciously. ❜ ❨1346❩ ❛ If you’re in pitch blackness, all you can do is sit tight until your eyes get used to the dark. ❜ ❨1347❩ ❛ I’ve had enough hurt already in my life. More than enough. Now I want to be happy. ❜ ❨1348❩ ❛ People leave strange little memories of themselves behind when they die. ❜ ❨1349❩ ❛ Stop eating yourself up alive. Things will go where they’re supposed to go if you just let them take their natural course. ❜ ❨1350❩ ❛ When your feelings build up and harden and die inside, then you’re in big trouble. ❜ ❨1351❩ ❛ When you fall in love, the natural thing to do is give yourself to it. ❜ ❨1352❩ ❛ If I have left a wound inside you, it is not just your wound but mine as well. ❜ ❨1353❩ ❛ Hey, what is it with you? Why are you so spaced out? You still haven’t answered me. ❜ ❨1354❩ ❛ People are strange when you’re a stranger. ❜ ❨1355❩ ❛ The dead will always be dead, but we have to go on living. ❜ ❨1356❩ ❛ You don’t get it, do you? ❜ ❨1357❩ ❛ I am a flawed human being - a far more flawed human being than you ❨1358❩ realise. ❜ ❨1359❩ ❛ At least let me know whether or not I hurt you. ❜ ❨1360❩ ❛ All of us are imperfect human beings living in an imperfect world. ❜ ❨1361❩ ❛ I’ve never once thought about how I was going to die. ❜ ❨1362❩ ❛ So I’m not crazy after all! ❜ ❨1363❩ ❛ I miss you terribly sometimes, but in general I go on living with all the energy I can muster. ❜ ❨1364❩ ❛ Will you wait for me forever? ❜ ❨1365❩ ❛ I don’t want our relationship to end like this. ❜ ❨1366❩ ❛ When am I going to be able to talk to you? I want you to tell me that much, at least. ❜ ❨1367❩ ❛ It hurts not being able to see you. ❜ ❨1368❩ ❛ I’m not totally mad at you. I’m just sad. ❜ ❨1369❩ ❛ The world is an inherently unfair place. ❜ ❨1370❩ ❛ Life frightens me sometimes. I don’t happen to take that as the premise for everything else though. ❜ ❨1371❩ ❛ I’m a real bargain, don’t you think? If you don’t take me, I’ll end up going somewhere else. ❜ ❨1372❩ ❛ We’re all kind of weird and twisted and drowning. ❜ ❨1373❩ ❛ Don’t you think it would be wonderful to get rid of everything and everybody and just go some place where you don’t know a soul? ❜ ❨1374❩ ❛ You’re not telling me anything I don’t know already. ❜ ❨1375❩ ❛ He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past. ❜ ❨1376❩ ❛ If you want to keep a secret, you must also hide it from yourself. ❜ ❨1377❩ ❛ We shall meet in the place where there is no darkness. ❜ ❨1378❩ ❛ Until they become conscious they will never rebel. ❜ ❨1379❩ ❛ Power is not a means; it is an end. ❜ ❨1380❩ ❛ They are not interested in the good of others; they are interested solely in power, pure power. ❜ ❨1381❩ ❛ Now you begin to understand me. ❜ ❨1382❩ ❛ In the face of pain there are no heroes. ❜ ❨1383❩ ❛ Big Brother is watching you. ❜ ❨1384❩ ❛ Power is tearing human minds to pieces and putting them together again in new shapes of your own choosing. ❜ ❨1385❩ ❛ It’s a beautiful thing, the destruction of words. ❜ ❨1386❩ ❛ The choice for mankind lies between freedom and happiness and for the great bulk of mankind, happiness is better. ❜ ❨1387❩ ❛ Your mind appeals to me. It resembles my own mind. ❜ ❨1388❩ ❛ Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else. ❜ ❨1389❩ ❛ We do not merely destroy our enemies; we change them. ❜ ❨1390❩ ❛ How can I help it? How can I help but see what is in front of my eyes? ❜ ❨1391❩ ❛ You must try harder. ❜ ❨1392❩ ❛ Confession is not betrayal. ❜ ❨1393❩ ❛ What you say or do doesn’t matter; only feelings matter. ❜ ❨1394❩ ❛ If they could make me stop loving you —- that would be the real betrayal. ❜ ❨1395❩ ❛ Of pain you can wish only one thing: that it should stop. ❜ ❨1396❩ ❛ To die hating them, that will be freedom. ❜ ❨1397❩ ❛ No one ever seizes power with the intention of relinquishing it. ❜ ❨1398❩ ❛ What can you do against the lunatic who is more intelligent than yourself? ❜ ❨1399❩ ❛ To keep them in control is not difficult. ❜ ❨1400❩ ❛ So long as they are not permitted to have standards of comparison, they never even become aware that they are oppressed. ❜ ❨1401❩ ❛ The consequences of every act are included in the act itself. ❜ ❨1402❩ ❛ The essential act of war is destruction, not necessarily of human lives, but of the products of human labour. ❜ ❨1403❩ ❛ Stupidity is as necessary as intelligence, and as difficult to attain. ❜ ❨1404❩ ❛ I hate purity, I hate goodness! I don’t want virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones. ❜ ❨1405❩ ❛ The past is dead, the future is unimaginable. ❜ ❨1406❩ ❛ You know the answer already. Everyone knows it. ❜ ❨1407❩ ❛ You don’t give a damn what they suffer. All you care is yourself. ❜ ❨1408❩ ❛ It is not easy to become sane. ❜ ❨1409❩ ❛ No emotion is pure anymore, because everything is mixed up with fear and hatred. ❜ ❨1410❩ ❛ They say that time heals all things —- they say you can always forget. ❜ ❨1411❩ ❛ The object of waging a war is always to be in a better position in which to wage another war. ❜ ❨1412❩ ❛ I sold you and you sold me. ❜ ❨1413❩ ❛ You do not exist. ❜ ❨1414❩ ❛ How does one man assert his power over another? By making him suffer. ❜ ❨1415❩ ❛ Obedience is not enough. Unless he is suffering, how can you be sure that he is obeying your will and not his own? ❜ ❨1416❩ ❛ Everything else we shall destroy – everything. ❜ ❨1417❩ ❛ Two and two makes five. ❜ ❨1418❩ ❛ Facts, at any rate, can not be kept hidden. ❜ ❨1419❩ ❛ The past is whatever the records and the memories agree upon. ❜ ❨1420❩ ❛ So long as human beings stay human, death and life are the same thing. ❜ ❨1421❩ ❛ If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable—what then? ❜ ❨1422❩ ❛ The lie became the truth. ❜ ❨1423❩ ❛ It is like swimming against a current that sweeps you backwards however hard you struggle. ❜ ❨1424❩ ❛ Turn round and go with the current instead of opposing it. ❜ ❨1425❩ ❛ It’s only after we’ve lost everything that we’re free to do anything. ❜ ❨1426❩ ❛ I don’t want to die without any scars. ❜ ❨1427❩ ❛ This is your life and it’s ending one moment at a time. ❜ ❨1428❩ ❛ You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways. ❜ ❨1429❩ ❛ You are not your job, you’re not how much money you have in the bank. You are not the car you drive. You’re not the contents of your wallet. ❜ ❨1430❩ ❛ You are not special. ❜ ❨1431❩ ❛ You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. ❜ ❨1432❩ ❛ The things you used to own, now they own you. ❜ ❨1433❩ ❛ Today is the sort of day where the sun only comes up to humiliate you. ❜ ❨1434❩ ❛ Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves. ❜ ❨1435❩ ❛ Only after disaster can we be resurrected. ❜ ❨1436❩ ❛ Everything is evolving, everything is falling apart. ❜ ❨1437❩ ❛ We’ve all been raised believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won’t. ❜ ❨1438❩ ❛ Don’t you have other things to do? ❜ ❨1439❩ ❛ Prove you’re alive. If you don’t claim your humanity you will become a statistic. ❜ ❨1440❩ ❛ You have been warned. ❜ ❨1441❩ ❛ If you don’t know what you want, you end up with a lot you don’t. ❜ ❨1442❩ ❛ It’s not love or anything, but I think I like you, too. ❜ ❨1443❩ ❛ If I could wake up in a different place, at a different time, could I wake up as a different person? ❜ ❨1444❩ ❛ Why did I cause so much pain? ❜ ❨1445❩ ❛ The lower you fall, the higher you’ll fly. ❜ ❨1446❩ ❛ Maybe self-improvement isn’t the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer. ❜ ❨1447❩ ❛ May I never be complete. May I never be content. May I never be perfect. ❜ ❨1448❩ ❛ Everyone smiles with that invisible gun to their head. ❜ ❨1449❩ ❛ We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. ❜ ❨1450❩ ❛ The girl is infectious human waste. ❜ ❨1451❩ ❛ I want to destroy everything beautiful I’ll never have. ❜ ❨1452❩ ❛ On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. ❜ ❨1453❩ ❛ If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose? ❜ ❨1454❩ ❛ It is like you’re never really awake; but you’re never really asleep. ❜ ❨1455❩ ❛ Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave. ❜ ❨1456❩ ❛ A moment is the most you could ever expect from perfection. ❜ ❨1457❩ ❛ The people you’re trying to step on, we’re everyone you depend on. ❜ ❨1458❩ ❛ You have to give up! ❜ ❨1459❩ ❛ Reject the basic assumptions of civilisation, especially the importance of material possessions. ❜ ❨1460❩ ❛ Without pain, without sacrifice we would have nothing. ❜ ❨1461❩ ❛ You have to realise that someday you will die, Until you know that, you are useless. ❜ ❨1462❩ ❛ A tiger can smile. A snake will say it loves you. ❜ ❨1463❩ ❛ Lies make us evil. ❜ ❨1464❩ ❛ If you died right now, how would you feel about your life? ❜ ❨1465❩ ❛ You always kill the one you love. ❜ ❨1466❩ ❛ Maybe we should always assume the worst. ❜ ❨1467❩ ❛ Put a gun to my head and paint the wall with my brains. ❜ ❨1468❩ ❛ Which is worse? Hell or nothing? ❜ ❨1469❩ ❛ A minute of perfection is worth the effort. ❜ ❨1470❩ ❛ You’re going to die, tonight. You might die in one second or in one hour, you decide. ❜ ❨1471❩ ❛ Lie to me. Tell me the first thing off the top of your head. Make something up. ❜ ❨1472❩ ❛ I don’t give a shit. I have a gun. ❜ ❨1473❩ ❛ I know who you are. I know where you live. ❜ ❨1474❩ ❛ Tomorrow will be the most beautiful day of your life. ❜ ❨1475❩ ❛ My philosophy of life is that I can die at any moment. And the tragedy of my life is that I do not. ❜ ❨1476❩ ❛ Everything is so far away, a copy of a copy of a copy. You can’t touch anything and nothing can touch you. ❜ ❨1477❩ ❛ There are a lot of things we don’t want to know about the people we love. ❜ ❨1478❩ ❛ We just had a near-life experience. ❜ ❨1479❩ ❛ If people think you are dying, they give you their full attention. They listen instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. ❜ ❨1480❩ ❛ I am nothing, and not even that. ❜ ❨1481❩ ❛ This isn’t really death. —- We’ll be legends. We won’t grow old. ❜ ❨1482❩ ❛ Stop trying to control everything and just let go. Let go. ❜ ❨1483❩ ❛ The amazing miracle of death, when one second you’re walking and talking, and the next second you’re an object. ❜ ❨1484❩ ❛ Only if we’re caught and punished can we be saved. ❜ ❨1485❩ ❛ I never thought about how important the sky was until I didn't have one. ❜ ❨1486❩ ❛ Dreams are like that: they go in and out of memories and scenes, but they're never real. They're never real, and I hate them because they aren't. ❜ ❨1487❩ ❛ Power isn’t control at all — power is strength, and giving that strength to others. ❜ ❨1488❩ ❛ A leader isn’t someone who forces others to make him stronger. ❜ ❨1489❩ ❛ A leader is someone willing to give his strength to others that they may have the strength to stand on their own. ❜ ❨1490❩ ❛ In the end, we are alone. ❜ ❨1491❩ ❛ It is like a piece of my soul is lost, empty. ❜ ❨1492❩ ❛ If my life on Earth must end, let it end with a promise. Let it end with hope. ❜ ❨1493❩ ❛ Sorry? Sorry isn't enough. ❜ ❨1494❩ ❛ Every single thing I ever loved is beyond my reach now. Everything I ever wanted. Everything I ever was. ❜ ❨1495❩ ❛ Will you stay with me? ❜ ❨1496❩ ❛ A leader doesn't make pawns - he makes people. ❜ ❨1497❩ ❛ Do you hear that? The pulse of life from your heart, the slow in-and-out from your lungs? Even when you are silent, even when you block out all noise, your body is still a cacophony of life. Mine is not. ❜ ❨1498❩ ❛ It is the silence that drives me mad. The silence that drives the nightmares to me. ❜ ❨1499❩ ❛ There is nothing between us but rain. There is nothing between us at all. ❜ ❨1500❩ ❛ I like a little chaos. ❜

#sentence starters #generate sentence prompts #rp meme #roleplay prompt #roleplay meme #prompt for writing #rp prompt #send emoji meme #long tw

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getoutofmyjaneway · 3 years

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Since Star Trek Voyager is Leaving Netflix, Here are 10 Episodes that you Should Watch Before the End of September

1. The Cloud

The Cloud is a great example of the early dynamic between the main cast. This bottle episode shows a very Star Trek episode dealing with some space creature they accidently harm, and being oh so very Starfleet, they assist. That, of course, is not why you watch this episode. It has some pretty great comedic moments, the iconic “There’s coffee in that nebula,” moment, and (if you can over look the cringy and incorrect portrayal of Native American culture) great moments that will let you better get to know the character we love.

2. Tuvix

Tuvix is was created when there was a transporter accident fused Neelix, Tuvok, and some plants together to create a new single sentient being. Tuvix loves being himself but ultimately it was decided by Captain Janeway that they would be separated back into there original beings. This episode is not only thought provoking, but has been the basis for many discussions of morality on a broader level. It is an interesting thought experiment that is so very Star Trek in nature - it is a don’t miss in my book.

3. Before and After

You remember Kes yes? She was definitely not given the most to do throughout the run of Voyager, but this is her best story by far. This story sees Kes aging backwards through death to birth, giving us a full picture of her life. This also brings us some of the very seldomly seen foreshadowing in the series, eluding to the Year of Hell (we’ll talk about that soon) and Tom and B’Elanna’s relationship. This is how I choose to remember Kes (we don’t talk about Furry).

4. Year of Hell Part 1 and 2

Yeah you knew this was going to be on here. There is a reason this is on most peoples lists of top Voyager episodes. And yes, I know I am cheating by putting both episodes on the same spot on my list, but like Janeway, I make my own rules. This is the most action packed two-parter in the series, serving as a kind of what-if scenario if the Voyager crew went down a more dangerous path. It ultimately ends with the ever present “Voyager-Rest-Button” but this is the best use of it. This is the most bad-ass episode by a long shot, also giving great character interactions, as well as commentary of grief and family.

5. Living Witness

This one is for all of my TNG lovers out there, you will love this one. Living Witness sees the Doctor’s program ending up in an alien museum in the distant future where an exhibit shows the species interactions with the crew of the Voyager. It is up to the Doctor to clear the name of his crew, and himself. This is amazing commentary of how history can be warped by those that recount it. Of course I also enjoy the absolutely savage portrayal of the Voyager crew - you can tell they had a good time with this one. Overall, this is a story you could only see on Voyager and is excellently done.

6. Timeless

This episode is iconic. If you have seen media referencing Voyager, you have most likely seen the image of the Voyager crashing into an ice planet in some amazing for its time CGI (that holds put pretty dang well even today). This is a strong episode for both Chakotay and Kim, two of Voyagers other most under used characters, seeing them try and create a slipstream with the Delta Flyer to get home. While the Delta Flyer is ultimately successful in this, the Voyager and the rest of the crew ends up dead. Chakotay and Kim take it upon themselves to change the events of the accident.

7. Counterpoint

There is a reason that this is Kate Mulgrew’s favorite episode (other then the fact that she gets to kiss an alien). This is Janeway at her absolute best - intelligent, cunning, and a master of her craft. This sees Janeway help a group of telepaths cross a region of space where a xenophobic ruling body does not allow them. After frequent inspections, Janeway takes in a defector from the xenophobic race, who tries to get her to divulge her secrets. She, however, was always one step ahead of him in a brilliant power play that I can only describe as spicy.

8. Someone to Watch Over Me

Someone to Watch Over Me is a story about what it means to be human, a theme often discussed in Star Trek. This sees the Doctor, a hologram, show Seven, a woman rebuilding her sense of self after spending most of her life in the borg collective, teach her what he has learned about relationships. It’s like the blind leading the blind, or in a more Star Trek example, the blind teaching an Andriod how to paint. Throughout their time together, they both seem to teach each other a lot - Seven gains many incites into how to be more human and the Doctor learns what it is like to be in love. A heartwarming episode.

9. Collective

Members of Voyager’s senior staff are abducted by the borg... children. Five who have been separated and awoken from there maturation chamber struggle between being borg and being individuals. This is, however, not a borg story, it is a story about being human. As Seven was saved from the collected, she went through a transformation under the guidance of her friends family and now it is time for her to help these children in the same way.

10. The Void

After becoming trapped in a Void with no way of escape, they soon find that ever ship is out for their own in this region, everyone stealing what they need to survive. It becomes a battle of morals - do you take back from those who have stolen from you and then some? Do you use what has been stolen from others for your personal gain? Where do you draw the line for the sake of survive. The Voyager spearheads a mini federation type alliance of sorts, finding strength in unity and numbers, and, in the end, it is the understanding of others that allows for the Voyager and the members of the alliance to escape

These are not necessarily the best episodes of Voyager, but I think these are episodes that you can watch on their own with no other knowledge of Voyager to really get a feel for the series and the characters. Of course, I would love to know what other episodes you would include. Personally, I would have loved to include episodes like Course: Oblivion, Author Author, and Dark Frontier, but out of context, these episodes will give that Voyager flavor we all know an love.

#Star trek #star trek voyager #long post #netflix

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spooks-and-tea · 4 years

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Entangled (Spencer Reid x femReader) [Ch.10]

Summary: You don’t know how it happened. One moment you were watching Criminal Minds, and the next moment you were literally in the show. Can Spencer be the key to helping you find your way back home?

Warnings: minor character death, mentions of su*cide, bad explanations of quantum mechanics, bad words, sexual situations (some non-con), the usual criminal minds-type content

A/N: I hope this isn’t too weird and confusing, I didn’t want to go totally left-field fantasy on you all. The thing I liked about Gubler’s CM episodes was that they seemed fantastical, yet they were still very much grounded in reality. That’s what I was going for with this fic. Hopefully, it’s bringing a little bit of entertainment into your lives. :)

Word Count: 4,071

Chapter 1. Chapter 2. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9. Chapter 10. Chapter 11.

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Spencer When Spencer opened his eyes again, he was no longer in the warehouse.

He didn't know where he was, not exactly. He knew this was the void space that the equation had proven.

Colors flew past him like the Millennium Falcon traveling at warped speed. The place was making a crackling sound. Spencer took a few steps forward; the colors didn't seem effected by his movements.

Something quickly tugged at his chest, like a magnetic force.

"Whoa!" He flailed his arms, trying to catch his balance.

Just follow the magnetic pull and it'll lead you to her.

"Right," Spencer remembered. He placed his palm flat over his chest; he had felt it when they first met.

His legs carried him quickly, following the pull. The buzzing seemed to be getting louder as he traversed.

He wasn't sure why, but something told him not to look up. Was there something there watching him? He carried on, he didn't know how long or how far he walked. Time didn't seem to matter here, it shouldn't, this was a place that was lacking everything.

Nothing should exist here.

He wasn't even walking on a floor; there was no gravity to hold him to one.

The pull suddenly tugged Spencer to the left. His eyes landed on something that he was sure hadn't been there before; a red, velvet curtained tunnel.

Without hesitating, Spencer climbed inside. He felt like a child in one of those indoor jungle gyms; he'd always wanted to play on those as a child, he never did.

The tunnel stretched on, Spencer realized it was getting dimmer and dimmer as he crawled forward. Soon, total darkness lay ahead of him, if he reached his hand forward it would seemingly disappear within the chasm.

He took a deep breath, thinking of Y/N, and his chest ached. He knew in his gut that this was right.

He crawled inside and heard a loud snap. Then, he fell.

Spencer toppled face first into a carpeted floor; with a loud "oof!"

"What the hell?!"

He was almost afraid to open his eyes; afraid of what he'd see.

When he got the nerve, he opened his eyes and his jaw dropped.

It was himself, but upside down (oh, he was lying on his back). He rolled over onto his hands and pushed himself off the floor.

He stood at the same height, face to face, with someone who looked exactly like him.

"Who are you?" Spencer and his double both asked un unison.

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Y/N You had a good feeling about today as you walked on set.

Your heart-to-heart with Matthew had ultimately made you feel less alone; something you hadn't realized you needed before.

If you were going to ever move on, you needed to surround yourself with friends. Luckily, the crew and cast were quickly becoming that for you, especially Matthew. You really appreciated how he stepped up to help you. He believed you despite how crazy your story sounded.

Today, you were filming a tough scene. Your character was going to supposedly die in Spencer's arms, except, you knew you'd be back by the next season. Something about the doctors pulling through and saving you just in time.

You were running a bit late, but you sipped a coffee to keep up your spirits. This was going to be energy-draining.

You left hair-and-makeup and went straight to the set.

The director was busy, so you stood in your place and went over your lines.

"Alright, so the unsub has just fired at you, you know, we've already filmed that bit." The director came over. You saw Matthew walking behind him and you waved. He did a small wave back with a big smile. The director grabbed your attention again.

"So Matthew, you're going to begin dragging her behind the vehicle. Y/N I want you already in that state of mind where you know you're dying. Is that clear to you two?" He finished. You and Matthew both nodded.

The director turned around, going to his place behind the camera. You got into place, laying down on the cement.

"3, 2, 1, action!"

You heard the fake gunfire start and closed your eyes. You heard heavy footsteps run towards you and felt Matthew pick your shoulders up, dragging your lower half backwards. He stopped behind a car and propped you up against him.

You breathed, heavily and opened your eyes halfway.

"Spencer," you gasped. You clutched the fake wound in your stomach.

"It's okay. You'll be okay. I-I've got you."

You grit your teeth, taking shaky breaths as you grabbed his free hand that wasn't supporting your head. He rubbed comforting circles with his thumb.

He was looking over your wounds, analytically.

"Spencer I-"

"No! Don't say it. Not now, you're not leaving me now." His lip quivered.

"Please. Please, let me say it." You whined, a tear falling from your eye. He froze for a second, you thought maybe Matthew had forgotten his lines.

"I can't."

"You and I both know my chances of survival are low, Spence."

"I know." He was beginning to sound choked up. A scripted tear fell on your forehead.

"If this is the last moment I get to share with you, I want to make it count." You started to shiver.

He nodded, looking you in the eyes and tightening his grip. In that moment, he almost looked like your Spencer.

"I love you Spencer Reid-"

His eyes widened.

You felt the magnetic pull in your chest aching at the memory of loving your Spencer and being loved in return. When you said the line, you meant it. Matthew knew that this was your personal, real goodbye. He had made sure to hug you extra tight during the table read.

"-and if I die here I don't want you to feel guilty. This wasn't your fault. I chose to confront the unsub, this was my stupid mistake. Promise me-"

If only I could have told him this.

He shook his head, tears falling down his reddening cheeks.

"Promise me you won't blame yourself." Your voice squeaked as you clenched your eyes shut in fake pain.

He stayed silent.

"Promise me, Spence," you said a little louder.

"I promise. I love you." He whispered.

You held on, gasping and shaking in his arms. Your eyes looking into his. Seeing the glazed look in his eyes made your stomach twist.

Then you closed your eyes and relaxed your grip on his hand, slowly letting your body go limp.

You listened as Matthew played out the rest of Spencer's scene. Crying and holding you close. He kissed your forehead, something that was improvised. It left your forehead feeling tingly.

Then the paramedics truck drives into the scene. You're lifted by a paramedic onto a stretcher and carried to the ambulance.

You lay there limply as Matthew plays out the rest of the emotional scene, holding your hand and talking to the paramedics.

"Cut!"

You opened your eyes, feeling slightly dizzy from the vibrations deep in your chest. The familiar pull had been bugging you for the entire scene.

"Good take, we'll come back in 5!" The director announced.

Matthew sat up and held his hand out to you, giving you a strange look. You grabbed it and he helped you off the ambulance truck.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" You laughed as your feet hit the ground.

"Like what?" He blinked.

"Like I'm the Mona Lisa."

He was still holding your hand you were getting a little suspicious that he was up to something.

"I am?"

"What are you up to, Gubler?" You narrowed your eyes and dropped your hand from his. "Never mind for now, I have to run to my trailer and grab a snack bar. I didn't have time for breakfast today and that scene sucked up all my energy." You smiled, walking around him to go to your trailer.

You were nearly there when Matthew caught up with you again.

"Wait! Y/N. We don't have much time."

You spun around.

"I know, that's why I'm fast walking, but you keep interrupting me. What's going on with you? You're acting stranger than you usually do." You crossed your arms over your chest, looking him in the eyes. Again, he was giving you that look that was beginning to remind you of Spencer and it was starting to get to you.

"I-uh. Can you just come with me?" He nodded to his trailer.

You frowned. Was he playing a joke on you? Was this for one of his YouTube mockumentaries?

"Okay, but only if you stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?" He asked, exasperated.

"Like-um- he used to look at me that way." You mumbled, dropping your head and massaging the back of your neck.

"I-I'm sorry."

"It's fine."

He walked in front of you.

"No it's not." You looked up, frowning at him.

He looked guilty, that's the last thing you wanted your friend to feel again. You knew he was sorry, but he couldn't help it. In a way, he was partly like Spencer Reid.

He held your face between his hands and kissed your forehead. Your eyes widened. Your body and mind were at war. He felt so much like Spencer, yet your mind told you you couldn't just replace Spencer with his doppelgänger in another dimension.

You'd never even considered pursuing anything with your friend; likewise, Matthew seemed to be on the same track until now.

You were just friends; so then why was he kissing your forehead so sweetly?

"Matthew?" You whispered, giving him a quizzical look.

He slowly shook his head, 'no.' It took a moment for you to understand.

You covered your gasp, placing your hand over your mouth.

"No, no, no- you're not? Are you?" You fumbled with your words, feeling your hands begin to shake.

"It's me. It's Spencer."

You held back a cry, reaching a shaking hand up to touch his face. He was looking at you like you were his entire world; that was how you knew it was him.

"Spencer!" You sobbed, pulling him into a tight embrace.

He wrapped his arms around you just as tight, lifting you off the ground, slightly. Your senses kicked in as you smelled the familiar coffee and woodsy-vanilla.

You cried into his neck, shutting out the rest of the world.

He pulled back, placing a hand on your cheek. You finally got a good look at him. His eyes were rimmed red with tears. It looked like he hadn't slept in weeks and his cheeks were slightly more hollow than you remembered. Was he sick?

"How did you find me?" You cried.

He smiled, placing your hair behind your ear. "It's a long story."

You swallowed down the swelling in your throat. "I'm afraid if I stop holding you, you'll disappear."

He shook his head, "Nah, I'm here to stay, if you want me to."

"Why wouldn't I want you to stay?" You laughed.

"Because we can stay here, or I can take you back."

Your eyes widened. "We can go back?"

He nodded.

"I-" You thought about Matthew, the crew, everyone you would leave behind. They had become your friends, but you knew Spencer couldn't stay here. He couldn't live in the same world as Matthew it could create some kind of paradox over time, you were sure. Every sci-fi film told you that was a possibility.

However, you knew you would be happy as long as you were with him, and the BAU had become your family. It was only right to go back.

"I want to go back to your dimension. I want to go back to the way things were."

Spencer's eyes brightened.

"Okay. I'll take you home."

He kissed you, deepening the kiss as a rush of emotions caught up with you both. You smiled into the kiss, feeling your chest vibrate with happiness at the familiar softness of his lips. He may have had the same body as Matthew, but his kisses were entirely different.

Finally, the hollow aching was gone. You had your Spencer back.

Spencer pulled away first and you whined, trying to chase his lips again. You'd gone so long without him, your body wanted to remember him all over again; to fill in the cracks of the memories that had started to fade.

"We can't stay here." He laughed, raking his fingers through your hair.

"Why not?"

"I don't know how much time we have if we want to go back."

"Right." Your body suddenly moved with a purpose, waiting to follow Spencer anywhere.

"I came in through Matthew's trailer." He grabbed your hand and led you to the trailer a few doors down from yours.

He knocked on the door and Matthew opened it, flashing a playful smile at the both of you.

"Hey, it worked!" He moved back to let you both in, you shut the door behind you. No one needed to know that there were inter-dimensional twins hanging out in Matthew's trailer.

"Thank you." Spencer nodded.

"No, no it's the least I could do." Matthew turned to you. "So I guess you're leaving through the strange crack in the aluminum trailer wall?" He pointed his thumb behind him.

"Yeah. Can't have two versions of you running around. I don't think the universe could handle that." You joked.

"Well, I'm going to miss you, but at least I know you'll finally be happy. What will I tell the cast and crew?" He smiled, sadly.

"I'm sure you'll think of something." You momentarily released Spencer's hand to hug your friend.

"Now you'll be catching unsubs in real life." Matthew spoke.

"I've gotten kinda good at winging it, I think."

Matthew rubbed your back. "I'm seeing myself give me a jealous look, so I think I should let you go now."

You rolled your eyes as you pulled away, looking back at, sure enough, your fidgeting genius.

"Good luck with the rest of your life, Matthew. I know you'll do great things. I hope they'll write Reid a new love interest." You said your final goodbyes.

Matthew nodded to you as Spencer grabbed your hand again. "Good luck catching real bad guys!"

Spencer tugged you through the crack, you turned and waved at Matthew. He was already waving back.

Once you made it through, the crack closed and emitted a glowing light. You guessed that meant it was sealed.

"Thanks for everything, Matthew." You spoke under your breath, patting the sealed wall.

You found that you were in a tunnel on your hands and knees, with no room to stand. You recognized it as the place you had crossed through to initially get to Spencer.

"Spencer?" You called out, scared. The light in the tunnel was almost pitch black.

"I'm in front of you, don't worry, it'll get brighter as we reach the end." You felt his hand momentarily on yours.

"Just crawl forward. If you get scared, tell me and I'll let you know I'm still here."

You had no idea how he was so calm. "O-okay."

You heard him start to shuffle against the tunnel's soft velvet fabric.

You crawled and crawled. Slowly, light started to emit from the folds of the fabric, illuminating the tunnel more as you pushed forward.

The light calmed you, the great view of Spencer's ass calmed you even more.

"Spencer my arms are getting sore." You didn't want to complain, but you had skipped out on breakfast, filmed an emotional scene early in the morning, and had a heartfelt reunion. You were exhausted and full of nerves.

"I can see the end of the tunnel, don't worry."

"All I can see is your ass in my face." You mumbled.

"Y-you can stare at your hands instead." Spencer stammered.

"Hey I'm not complaining. I've missed you. All of you. I've thought a lot about that last night we were together." You said cheekily. You knew he had to be blushing.

"I have too." He said, sounding distant.

A heartbeat later, you had reached the end of the tunnel. Spencer climbed out first and turned to help you off your shaking knees.

You were in a place full of moving lights, all different colors. You held tightly to Spencer's hand, trusting that he knew where he was going.

"How do you know where your dimension is?" You asked.

"I can feel the pull from it, I guess since I'm from there."

It was strange, you didn't feel that same pull towards your own dimension. You only felt sated, now that Spencer was by your side.

You followed him, walking in a comfortable silence. The environment confused you, but you knew it was something you just couldn't comprehend. It would be easier if you just accepted it was real and pushed on. Spencer must have thought the same because he seemed relatively calm, his hand gripped yours, as he rubbed his thumb along your knuckles every once in a while.

"You know, it wasn't your fault." You said as you studied the way his FBI vest looked loose on him. Had he been missing meals?

"What wasn't my fault?" He bit his lip.

"Me returning. I was kidnapped by the unsub, wasn't I?" You asked, not entirely sure how it exactly happened.

Spencer nodded. "I didn't even feel the bed move, I didn't hear him come in. If I had only woken up for a second, I could have stopped him." He spoke solemnly.

"Spencer stop and look at me for a sec." You halted and gave his arm a tug.

He did as you said.

You lifted your hand to his cheekbone, grazing your thumb over the skin there. The lights surrounding you casted a rainbow of colors onto his face.

"Spence, it was not your fault, okay? We were both exhausted. When he picked me up, I woke up for a second, but I thought he was you so I fell back to sleep again. I could have stopped it too. But it happened, and it was neither of our faults it was the unsub's fault only." Spencer took a deep breath and sighed; relaxing his shoulders as if you had taken off the weight he had carried there for over 5 months.

"I found you and that's what matters." He squeezed your hand. You both started to walk again. You wrapped both of your arms around his outstretched one, cuddling into him.

"And you're never getting rid of me now." You smirked.

"As if I would want to."

"How did you find me?"

"We found a house where the unsub was building a machine of some sort. He left behind papers full of quantum mechanics equations which all came together to form one big equation. I won't bore you with the specifics, but we eventually found the unsub again through a phone call lead I received from an unknown woman. I had already figured out the order of the equation, but there were missing parts. I realized it was time and space. When we got to the new location, JJ apprehended the unsub and I solved the equation in 2 minutes, jumped on the machine's platform, and ended up here." Spencer condensed.

Now was not the time to sit and talk about everything. You had to get back to his dimension, or risk getting stuck here.

"You did the impossible." Your eyes shined with pride for your genius. He blushed.

"And you jumped onto an inter-dimensional-quantum-time machine thing not knowing if it would even take you to the right place? Spencer Reid I should be cross with you for being so reckless!" You gently slapped his arm.

"I just wanted you back more than anything."

Your heart ached at his words. You stopped him and pulled his tie forward to kiss him. You wanted to deepen the kiss; you wanted to taste him again, but you forced yourself to pull away. I love you, Y/N." He whispered.

"I love you too Spencer."

You continued forward for what felt like 10 minutes, but it could have been any length of time; it was hard to tell here.

Spencer suddenly tugged you to the left, you turned and groaned as you saw another long tunnel. This place was going to give you knee bruises.

"You go first this time." Spencer suggested, biting his lip.

"Very sly," you rolled your eyes. "You're lucky I love you."

He smiled, sheepishly, and he crawled inside after you. Admittedly, you arched your back just slightly to give him an eyeful just because he was cheeky about it.

A few minutes in you grew bored and decided to suddenly stop. Spencer's face crashed into your butt.

"Hey!" He rubbed his sore nose.

"Maybe look at your hands and not my ass," you suggested. You turned to lay on your side and laughed at him. Simultaneously resting your sore limbs.

Spencer, not amused. Grabbed your ankle and slid you under him.

"Maybe stop arching your back; begging for my attention." He smirked. His voice had dropped an octave.

For the second time in your life you found yourself asking, was Spencer Reid dominant in the bedroom? You knew he could be at times, you didn't know to what extent.

"I-I didn't- Spence do you have a dominant side I don't know about?" You asked.

His smile dropped.

"You don't think I'm dominant?"

"Um, mixed signals?"

He pouted.

"Are you trying to be?" You asked, searching his eyes.

"I thought I just naturally was."

"Sometimes you are; it seems random when you let it come through. Maybe it's something we can explore when we get back." You tried to cheer him up.

Spencer swallowed, "y-yeah, I think I'd like that. I'd like that a lot."

You bit your lip imagining how he could possibly act when he's not holding back.

Spencer cleared his throat. "We should keep going."

"Yeah," you breathed, dreamily. You didn't move.

Spencer laughed and rolled you over.

You went to stand on your knees again when you felt a slap against your ass.

You blushed, looking over your shoulder. "Spencer!" Did Spencer Reid just spank you?

"Just making sure you know which way is forward. I can break my nose against your bottom, you know."

"Oh my god, let's talk about something else, okay?" Your blush grew deeper.

The tunnel was becoming totally dark.

"It's getting dark, how do we know when we've reached it?" You asked.

"You'll see a pitch black hole, maybe climb through it feet fir-"

"Whoa!" You felt yourself suddenly falling face first.

You reached out and caught yourself with your hands before your face could contact whatever it was you had fallen on.

"Ow," you groaned.

Your knees had hit something hard. They were definitely bruised and bleeding. Your hands were scratched up.

"Are you okay?!" Spencer had swung his legs out first, landing, perfectly, in front of you.

"Nothing a hot bath and bandages won't fix." You mumbled, standing up.

"Your hands are bleeding!" Spencer squeaked, grabbing your wrists to inspect the damage.

"I'll live. Actually, no, I think I need Dr. Reid's special medical attention, once again." You teased, your mind reminding you of the time he mended and kissed your bruised knuckles.

Spencer shook his head with a smile and held your hands up, giving each one a kiss.

"Déjà vu." You giggled. He had a habit of making you into a giddy schoolgirl at times. In this moment, it could be your exhaustion making you delirious.

The crack in the wall next to you sealed.

"Where are we?" You looked around at a concrete interior.

"The warehouse. That's the platform I used to get to you." Spencer pointed.

You heard voices talking just outside. You pulled Spencer's hand to exit the building together.

"Spencer Reid, you have a lot of explaining to do!" JJ yelled, stomping towards him.

Her eyes softened when they landed on you. By now the rest of the team had arrived. They all took notice of you and Spencer, one-by-one. "Where the hell did you go, Spence? You disappeared into a bright light and didn't return for 3 hours!" JJ continued, walking up to give both of you a group hug. "Actually, I didn't disappear. I was a bunch of tiny particles moving at the speed of light. It gave me enough energy to break through to the void. From there, I followed a magnetic pull to a crack in Y/N's dimension. I found her and brought her back through a crack that opened here." Spencer explained, matter-of-factly.

JJ sighed and pinched her nose. "Listen, if I hadn't seen you blink out of here with my own eyes, I'd be rushing you to a shrink right now. You have a lot of explaining to do. Both of you."

The others came running over, Morgan scooping you up into a hug. "Pretty girl, where have you been?" He asked, setting you down.

Spencer slid his arm around you. You held him closer. "Maybe it's better if Spencer explained that," you replied, looking up at your own personal super hero.

Next Chapter

#spencer reid #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fic #drama #romance #cm #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds fic #fanfiction #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler fanfiction

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diyunho · 4 years

Text

The Joker x Reader - “Incubus”

Incubus is a special type of metahuman that can enter people’s mind and the only one known to possess such abilities is Y/N. Captured by an underground agency and forced to obey orders, she has a new task today: to get inside The Joker’s head and find out where he stashed half a billion dollars after he pulled what everybody calls “the heist of the century”.

“Regression will begin shortly,” one of the doctors announces on the intercom. “Prepare for countdown.”

You lay on the cold metal table next to the Joker’s body: he’s medicated into a dreamless sleep, ready to have you purge his mind for the answer to the burning question: where did he stash half a billion dollars?

After being arrested two weeks ago, The King of Gotham refused to speak and disclose any information to the authorities; they tried everything: drugs, blackmail, best intimidation tactics and psychologists without success.

J didn’t crack.

Fed up with the puzzling mystery, CIA decided to use the top secret research facility operating under the grid where the infamous Incubus is held prisoner.

“A few reminders,” the flat voice echoes in the sealed laboratory. “Do not attempt to elude us, we have your little girl! If you aim to play us we’ll revoke visiting time.”

You blankly stare at the ceiling, upset they repeat the same rules when you’re forced to use your powers; the 15 minutes you’re allowed to spend with Mia on Saturdays is all you live for since they incarcerated both of you six months ago.

How you wish you could kill them but they found a solution to prevent you from rebelling.

“Please note that in case you plan to get inside our brains and compel us to stop breathing, your daughter will die. Confirm acknowledgement.”

“Confirm,” you bitterly reply because it hurts to have your child endangered; you could end them right this moment if it wasn’t for her.

Unfortunately, they found a way to subdue your terrific ability: the crew assigned to project Incubus carries portable heart monitoring devices 24/7; they resemble wrist watches and if just one individual’s pulse deactivates, it will set of the explosive in Mia’s collar. The 5 years old has no clue that what she believes to be a cute necklace is actually a device meant to eradicate her.

“Countdown to regression,” the clinician reports and the speakers carry his words around the room. “Five, four, three, two, one. Initiate!”

**************

You walk in the darkness, surprised you didn’t bump into memories yet: usually that’s the first thing you stumble upon when invading a person’s subconscious. He’s been under your spell for 10 minutes now and the void proves his twisted mind is probably worse than anyone thinks: The Clown is lost in the maze of his own insanity.

A couple more steps and you finally distinguish four doors ahead which means you’ll be able to analyze The Joker’s recollections.

First Door

The little boy cries in the middle of the room and you slowly approach, wondering if you should interfere or just observe. But tears fall from those innocent blue eyes and the fact that he’s maybe your daughter’s age makes you decide.

“Why are you crying?” you kneel by the young Joker and he wipes his face with the sleeves of his raggedy shirt:

“My mommy died.”

“Did she? I’m sorry… Do you miss her?” you manipulate the conversation since warping his thoughts might lead to your quest: discovering where the money is.

“U-hum,” he nods and asks. “I don’t like it at the orphanage, I want to go home…”

“Perhaps I can help,” you pull him in your arms and he whispers:

“Who are you?”

“Your worst nightmare,” Y/N sadly concludes because it doesn’t bring her joy to distort an already broken mind, nevertheless she‘s here bearing a clear purpose. “It’s ok,” you hold the child and soothe him. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

The little boy whimpers, clinging to the stranger showing him kindness then vanishes in thin air: you got rid of a painful memory and replaced it with a nicer one.

Now The Joker will remember that someone comforted him when in reality it never happened.

Second Door

The young man is standing in front of the burning cottage while the firefighters are struggling to put out the blaze. He’s covered in ashes and his lips are barely moving; you can hardly discern what he keeps on repeating:

“They’re still inside… they’re still inside…”

The 24 years old Joker is numb and all you can conclude he seemed so different back in the day.

“Who’s inside?” you inquire and he glimpses your way without realizes he’s in shock.

“My wife and son. I couldn’t save them… I didn’t make it to the second level, the flames were too strong…”

You bend over and grab the blanket resting at his feet, placing it around his shoulders.

“I’m sorry they’re gone, you did everything you could.”

He glares at the Incubus for a split moment before disappearing: you just lift the burden of a horrifying experience and now The Joker will remember that someone offered consolation when in reality it never happened.

Third Door

The man is sitting on the floor with his back against the padded wall, tightly confined inside his straight jacket. He keeps screaming, then maniacally laughing and sobbing in the same time while straining to escape the garment.

“Calm down,” you slide near him. “You’ll hurt yourself if you continue.”

The 27 years old tries to articulate a couple of coherent sounds before reprising his yelling.

“Stop squirming,” you cup his face and make him pay attention. “Look at me. Relax,” you caress his cheeks. “Deep breaths, ok?” you plead with the madman. “Sssttt, it’s fine…” Y/N stares in his eyes and the shouting gradually dies out. “There you go,” you brush your forehead on J’s prior to him fading away: you switched a terrible incident into better conclusion by mimicking sympathy when in reality it never happened.

Fourth Door

You’re surprised to notice The Joker talking to shadows: a woman and a little girl judging by their silhouettes; he resembles the most wanted criminal lying 10 inches apart from you in the secured establishment pushing you to accomplish their instructions.

A recent memory? Does it mean he has another family?...

You want to come closer and the sight of the contours disappearing is intriguing; The Clown rubs his temples and you can tell he’s distressed.

“What’s going on?” you dig in his brain for responses.

“They took my Queen and my Princess!” he grinds his teeth with resentment.

“Do you know where they are?”

“Yes,” J grumbles and evaporates saying a baffling phrase: ”I have to find the perfect plan in order to reclaim what’s mine!”

So weird the memory dispersed before you misled the truth in your favor … What the heck is going on?!...

The Cell

No rooms left and you stroll in the murkiness again, angry your scheme didn’t lead towards a better result: oddly enough The King of Gotham failed to unveil extra hints that could have aid you in discovering where the fortune he snatched is.

“Hello sugar,” the raspy intonation halts you in your tracks.

Y/N detects the heavy bars forming this square shaped cell containing what she suspects to be a version of The Joker; it’s difficult to restrain her astonishment since she’s witnessing a rare phenomenon: nothing less than a mind prison.

Jackpot! If he buried something deep inside and locked it even from himself it could mean you reached your destination.

“It’s nice to have visitors,” the eerie apparition chuckles. “It gets lonely.”

“I bet,” you pout. “Why don’t you break free?”

He kicks the bars, enraged he has to explain:

“I’m sure a superior creature such as the lady joining me knows a mind prison can only be opened from the outside!”

He’s self-aware! This is absolutely unbelievable: humans are never conscious within the deepest layers of their psyche.

“You are correct: you can only open it from the outside,” you agree. “What’s your name?”

“Joker. What’s yours?”

“Y/N.”

“Duh, I know,” he snickers and lets his tattooed arms hang loose outside the bars. “You have a kid, right?”

He sees your doubt and his gratification builds up to new highs.

“Yes.”

“What’s her name?”

“How do you know it’s a she?!” you counterattack with a quiz.

Damn, this whole charade is getting more and more fascinating by the second!

“I know soooooo many things,” the entity yawns. “For example I’m sure you wonder how I ended up in here.”

No sign you would deny his rambling thus he enlightens the riddle:

“Some are born with certain “gifts”, some develop them after a traumatic experience. I’m the lucky recipient of the latest, although I was locked in here from day one. If I had someone shatter the seal and by someone I mean you,” he points his finger at the smirking Y/N, “I could help you run from the place you hate. Tell me I’m wrong, but aren’t you trapped also?”

“You’re sneaky, I’ll give you that,” you laugh at his attempts to influence your actions.

“And you’re too powerful not to realize what’s going on! Snap out of it!!!” he hisses. “Are you single sugar?” the anger building up makes Y/N frown.

“None of your business!”

“Humor me, I beg,” he emphasizes the words.

“Yes,” you scoff and his demeanor doesn’t lower your guard.

“Are you 100% certain you’re not married?”

“What’s this nonsense?!” you sneer at the stupid conversation.

“Maybe you don’t remember because you created your own mind prison where you chained crucial data in order to protect the ones you love after you were captured. What’s your daughter’s name?” he sulks and you grumble.

“Mia.”

“Are you sure?”

“Of course I am; do you think I don’t know my child’s name?”

“And you think I don’t recognize my own wife standing in front of me??!!!!” he snaps at your hesitation. “Set me free! Set me free and I’ll show you! I can get inside your mind and unlock your cage: you’ll remember everything!”

“Who do you think you’re talking to?!” you growl at the absurd sentences: like his devious tactic would work on you!

“I’m talking to the Incubus, am I not?”

Your mouth opens in amazement since there is no way in hell he could know that.

“Do I have your attention now?” the beast reprimands. “Good! Here’s what you deliberately forgot: nobody knows that we’re married, it’s better that way; yet a woman with your capabilities is bound to attract unwanted attention anyway. When we got together, we had a deal: you’ll never get inside my head and you consented. No? Doesn’t ring a bell?...” he cracks his joints. “After they took you and Emma from me…”

“Who’s Emma?” you interrupt, more and more convinced there’s something fishy happening inside The Joker’s subconscious.

“Our daughter, her name is not Mia, you just replaced it after you were both kidnapped in order to sever all connections with the past. Can’t blame you: it’s a great strategy given the circumstances: create a mind prison, hide everything connected to protect me and her. Last thing you needed was for them to find out we are actually acquainted in the most intimate way. That would have been a disaster! Do you know why I stole half a billion dollars and let them catch me? I knew that if I do that they’ll use everything possible under the sun to make me spill the beans. When all fails, won’t they flaunt the last ace in their sleeve? That’s how I got here sugar, it was the ultimate goal. I can’t function without my girls so I came to get them!”

“Listen here,” your menacing attitude takes over. “Who do you take me for?! Your fictional tale is starting to piss me off so I advise you to quit before I make your neurons crumble to pieces!”

“I’ll pretend I didn’t hear it,” the feral beast sniffs the air. “You always kept your end of the bargain and never got in here before to poke the past. I respect that, sugar. Now I had no choice besides letting you in.”

“Stop it! Stop your lies!! You’re nothing more than a projection of The Joker’s mind!”

“Ahhhh,” the evil grin flourishes behind the silver teeth. “I am so much more than that. Do you want to get out of this facility? I suggest you set me free and I will prove I’m telling the truth!”

“Bullshit! What can you do anyway?! I can kill everyone and run, but my daughter will die!”

“Not if I help: you can make them stop breathing and I could keep the hearts beating until we get the key that unlocks Emma’s collar! It’s a dual team mission.”

“Her name is Mia! How do you know about the collar?!” the dumbfounded Y/N mumbles.

“Weren’t you listening? I know a lot of things!”

“Even if we assume you aren’t lying, how will you keep their hearts beating?!”

“Set me free and I’ll show you! SET. ME. FREE!!!!!! Or we are fucking doomed! Set me free!” he punches the bars. “Set me free and I’ll open your mind prison! You’ll realize each word I uttered is genuine! You’ll remember all of it! SET! ME! FREE!!! What do you have to lose, huh? Nothing! Do it!! Do it!!!!”

“How could you get inside my mind?! I’m a metahuman!”

“Goddamnit! SET ME FREE AND I’ll SHOW YOU!!!!! Do you want your daughter to perish in this place?! Do you???!!!”

You definitely are beyond skeptical; still… at least he’s correct about this: you have nothing to lose; you approach with caution and part the bars enough for the trapped entity to squeeze outside.

“Thank you honey,” he clumsily bows and before you can react he snatches in his arms and kisses you.

Y/N feels this electrifying sensation taking over, stupefied to understand what it means: she just unleashed another Incubus. And she always thought she was the only one!

You gasp for air and open your eyes, processing all the recovered memories rushing through your brain: your own mind prison was opened as promised.

You tilt your head to look at The Clown and he grabs your hand, panting:

“Are you ready sugar?”

**************

People keep falling to the ground, each step bringing you closer to your freedom. Emma’s face is buried in your neck as you jump over corpses on the way out of the underground laboratory:

“No peeking!” The Joker scolds and her little hands hold you tighter while obeying.

“Ok daddy.”

“Don’t be scared,” you kiss her cheek and continue the rampage towards the exit.

Screams intensify around the three detainees escaping their faith: the adults can’t afford any weakness or grant mercy to the ones that showed them none.

In the end, what is more terrifying than one Incubus that could plunge the world into complete darkness?

The answer is simple: two of them.

Also read: MASTERLIST

You can also follow me on Wattpad and AO3 under the same blog name: DiYunho.

#the joker x reader #the joker fanfiction #the joker imagine #the joker jared leto #the joker suicide squad #the joker #joker #joker fanfiction #joker imagines #joker leto #joker suicide squad #mister j #dc #dcu

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fatefulfaerie · 5 years

Text

Beyond Time Itself

Zelink Week 2019 prompt #8/10

Todays’ one-shot is actually an excerpt from one of my previous works entitled ‘One Moment’, centered around Link and Zelda’s journey in Skyward Sword. You can find the full story via the link below, but otherwise the chapter I’ve posted here is perfect for todays’ prompt.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17659280/chapters/41646086

We walked forward into what looked like the Sealed Temple where I first met that mysterious old lady. It seemed different, but somehow, even more familiar.

"We are now in the distant past," I heard Impa say as I stepped forward, "where Hylia and her servants have only just waged the battle for this land that you have heard of through stories and legends. This place, although eventually renamed to become the 'Sealed Temple', was at this time known as the 'Temple of Hylia'."

As she walked slightly in front of me, Impa gestured her hand forward through large stone doors that revealed a large room.

"And it is through there that you will truly be reawakened as the Goddess Hylia.”

I nodded as I entered, Impa following me inside as I walked up to a red-carpeted pedestal and sat down, closing my eyes.

It wasn’t long until I was thrusted into a vision, much like the ones before.

In front of me was a large, dark hole that deepened in its' mystery as it spiraled downwards into a dark chasm.

And somehow I knew that I was looking into the conduit for a growing evil. Subdued for the moment, yet still a great threat to my land.

I started to hear the sound of cascading footsteps against the charred grass behind me, before they completely stopped.

"Yes, Impa…" I said.

"Impa…perhaps it's a relative of the Impa I know."

"All of his forces have been defeated. The war is over."

"No, Impa, it isn't," I replied, sighing before continuing with, "the war is only just beginning."

Impa took a couple steps forward to stand next to me.

"Is that?" Impa asked.

"Demise, " I replied with a nod, "I have created a seal that I must maintain….but…my power…it's…"

"Goddess!" I heard someone exclaim behind me, prompting me to turn around and find an odd, burly creature panting heavy breaths.

“We found him.”

At the sound of those three words, I felt my heart lurch.

“Lead the way,” I said to the creature before Impa and I followed him through the Temple of Hylia and out onto the vast land that echoed the past calls of battle, its’ beauty ruined by the flames of war.

We soon entered a familiar clearing where bodies of monsters and hylians alike had been rendered completely immobile, their carcasses stacked on top of each other in a morbid display of the cost of the battle waged.

In a corner to my right was a small gathering of creatures who turned around to face us with sad expressions.

And, at the sight of Link laying on the ground they stood on, I let out a shaky exhale.

The creatures parted as I ran to his side, feeling the cold drop of tears wetting my cheeks.

There was no denying it, the blood that coated his tunic, the stillness of his chest, the drooping of his head, his arms.

The man I now held in my arms was dead.

It was hard for me to see him like this, to touch his limp body. Not only because of Hylia's raw feelings of loss, but because I couldn't bear to imagine my Link in this same state.

As I hugged him close, accepting the truth of his end that I already suspected, the creatures started a walk back to the temple. The sound of footsteps prompted me to watch Impa walk closer to me, her red eyes warped with sadness.

I laid Link gently back on the ground and closed his pain-stricken blue eyes before taking his left hand with both of mine.

"Golden goddesses of old," I started, "you entrusted me to be your agent, to protect the Hylians and the Triforce that was left in your stead. In this, I have succeeded at the unfortunate cost of many lives. It is apparent that the fight for the peace of this land has only begun, so I ask you to assist me one last time so that it may continue."

"One last…" Impa said, "Hylia, what are you doing?"

Ignoring her inquiry I continued,

"Farore, the goddess of courage, who, with your rich soul, produced the life forms that walk the earth. When the evil starts to brew again, I ask you to bring back into this world the soul of this hero, who gave his life for my protection, so that his unparalleled courage may be of use to us again."

"Din, the goddess of power, who cultivated the land and created the red earth with your strong, flaming arms. I ask you to create a weapon, that matches the power of the evil sword of Demise, yet opposes it in its’ divinity and proves its' greatness through its' benevolence. The spirit of this sword and the true power of the hero will grow together, becoming stronger within their goal to truly eradicate Demise. The reincarnated hero will be the master of this sword until the evil is truly defeated, armed with the justice of his cause."

"Nayru, the goddess of wisdom, who poured that wisdom onto the earth and gave the spirit of law to the world. I ask…"

I took a shaky deep breath.

"I ask that I be reborn as a mortal at the same time as the soul of this hero. So that…so that I can make up for the mistakes that I've made and ensure that no one else suffers because of them. And also…so that the Triforce, our last hope, can be used for the eradication of Demise. An asset for us as opposed to a force against us,"

"And, of course, the price I pay for this request, my final act that will set all of it in motion…"

"Hylia…" Impa said with and inquisitive tone of warning, not quite sure of what I would say but obviously sure that I could say something risky.

"I will relinquish my immortality."

"Hylia!" Impa said with a distinct shock, as if she were disciplining a child, "Your injuries from the battle, you won't survive if you succumb to them without the protection of the goddesses. You need to ensure that the seal holds…without your power you will subject this world to the evil you are attempting to destroy. There won't be a land left to save."

I took a pause and gently placed my right hand on Link's cheek.

"My power…I can already feel it dwindling…without him, I…I can't…"

The weakness of my voice inhibited me from continuing, yet a warm, supportive hand on my shoulder reminded me of a welcome presence.

"My incarnate," I continued, "can I trust you to guide her? To this time?"

"So…does that mean…Impa is from this age…she was tasked by the goddess to travel across time."

"Or rather, she was tasked by me…"

"And the Triforce…" I said, “its' power is too great to leave in the grasp of man. We may need it a time like this, yet that is a dangerous habit to fall into. Dependence on its' might is an invitation to disaster. When it has served its' purpose, it must be secreted away to lay dormant once again…the knowledge of its' existence hidden from mortal history."

"Yes, of course," I heard in reply before Impa stepped back.

"Link," I said as I retreated my hand from his cheek, "surely this love that we felt will carry on, will ensure that our fates are intertwined, will connect us in a way that will always bring us together."

I then closed my eyes and said,

"Goddesses of old, I urge you, as the chosen guardian of this land and its’ chosen people, hear my pleas and see them through. With that hope in my heart, I now…I now relinquish my immortality for the future protection of this land."

An overwhelming loss of energy overtook me, for I could barely make out,

"…please…" before I felt a sudden dizziness, my vision blurring as the pain of the injuries that I sustained overpowered the capacity of my now mortal body.

I started to feel my consciousness drift away as I lost any sense of being, the whole experience becoming increasingly more dreamlike as the pain swelled.

To brace me from falling hard to the ground I felt Impa's hands quickly grasp around my right arm before I gently was laid down.

I squeezed Link's hand as my eyes slowly closed again.

Soon, all I saw was a golden light, completely enveloping the otherwise black void of darkness.

When my eyes opened, I felt within myself an awakening, of my understanding, of my purpose, of myself as Hylia's incarnate. It was as if I truly did close my eyes on the ground next my hero and opened them here, in this temple.

So, when I turned around to find that Impa was bowing down to me, I only stood, accepting my destiny and the reasons for her reverence.

"I know what I must do now," I said when my eyes found her red gaze, "I must stay here, in this time, to ensure that Demise does not break free of his seal."

Impa nodded in agreement before I asked,

"So I shall start then?"

"No, your grace, Now we wait."

"Wait for what?"

"For him"

"Link?" I retorted, trying not to get too hopeful about the prospect of seeing him again.

"Yes, I believe now is the time, his blade is in need of your magic and both of you are in need of each other. I will step aside. I now see that…I must apologize to you. I underestimated your chosen hero, I ignored him, cast him aside, berated him. He didn't deserve the way I treated him. I should never have doubted that he truly is the one. I'm so sorry"

"How am I supposed to respond to that?"

"It's okay, Impa."

"No, it's not okay. None of this is."

"But…she was really just doing her job, the job I tasked her with, the job that entails her to sacrifice everything for my protection."

"I understand," I said as I walked down the steps.

"After all, perhaps she was right that it's best that we didn't really see each other and confirm our feelings."

"Because look what it did to Hylia and her hero."

"Things are so much different now…"

"You look apprehensive," Impa stated as she studied my expression.

"Things have changed. I can no longer expect love from him after he has heard that I've taken advantage of him. I need to at the very least tell him the truth, all of it."

"Do with your time what you wish," Impa replied, "I will not interfere."

#zelink #zelink week #zelink week 2019 #zelda #hylia #link #goddess hylia #impa #Skyward Sword #the legend of zelda #tloz #demise #hyrule

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themoonandotherslikeit · 5 years

Text

The Hand That Reaches for God -Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

“I know you. In my heart, I know you very well.” - Peter Constantine

-15 Days After-

“So, Emerson.” Sam said quietly, his gun up as they secured the perimeter of the nursing station.

“What about her?”

Sam raised an eyebrow and laughed lightly. “You kissed her.”

“She kissed me, technically.”

“Right.” They walked around the corner. “So do you.... like her?”

Dean glanced both ways before waving Sam forward. “Why’re you askin me questions that you already know the answer to?”

“Just want to hear you say it.” Sam grinned.

Dean rolled his eyes as they circled around the last section of the building. “Clear.” He said with a nod. “Yeah, man, I like her. Okay? Always have.”

“Fuck, I knew it!”

“Proud of yourself?”

“Immensely.”

Dean lowered himself to a seated position. It had finally stopped raining, and the clouds were parting to a clear, starless night sky. Sam sat next to his brother. “You don’t seem like you’re jumping for joy. What’s wrong?”

“I just feel like she’s only giving in because shit’s going to hell, and I’m here. Not that I blame her.”

“You really think that?”

“Why not?” Dean asked, checking the rounds in his gun. “She’s never been interested in me.”

“Are you fucking blind, dude?”

“What?”

“You should’ve seen her in college. Did you know that she never dated?”

“I didn’t know... why?”

“Why do you think, dude? It’s you.”

“I never asked her to do that.”

Sam turned to his older brother. “You didn’t have to.”

“She was supposed to go to Scotland for college, did you know that?”

“No. Phel never mentioned it.”

“I don’t think she knows. Em didn’t go because she was convinced that Pheli needed her. She’s always doing shit that she thinks is right even when it isn’t.”

“Who does that sound like?”

“Shut the fuck up.” Dean grumbled, resting his head against the building. It throbbed gently in response from where he hit it earlier.

“You’re worried that she’s being with you because it’s what she thinks is the right thing?”

“I don’t know, man. Kind of.”

“What about what you want?”

Dean looked at the star sky thoughtfully, trying to pull it all together. Trying to figure out the words to say. How could he describe to Sam what he was feeling? It wasn’t like how it was with him and Ophelia. It wasn’t simple or easy. Emerson was complicated, like an aged scotch. She was full of snark, and she challenged him more than anyone had ever challenged him in his life. What were the words that said he wanted to hold her hand, or watch her wake up in the morning all sleepy? He wanted to talk to her under the stars. He wanted to kiss her a million more times. He wanted to find heaven. “I want to be with her.” He said finally, but even that wasn’t enough.

“So why don’t you give her some credit and believe what she’s saying to you?”

“I guess I just don’t feel like I’m good enough.”

Sam smiled and slapped his brothers shoulder. “I’m sure she doesn’t think that, but if you do... well then I guess you should just try to prove it wrong. Prove you are good enough. Spend every day making yourself worthy. That’s what I do with Phel, and it’s worked so far.”

Dean grunted in response and raised an eyebrow. “Since when are you the one giving me advice? The world must be ending.”

“Yeah.” Sam laughed and glanced up at the sky. “Speaking of that... what are we gonna do, man? Those things today? Are they just gonna be running around? Because we don’t have that many rounds.”

“I know.” He said quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “I have a bad feeling that this is just the beginning.”

“So what’s the plan? I think we need one before we go back and face those two. You know they’re gonna want to know.”

He did. There was no way Emerson would be able to just be along for the ride. It wasn’t her style. He rubbed his face. Only one thing came to mind, and he wasn’t sure if it was the right answer. It was a fucking long shot at best, but it was all they had. “Alright, fuck. So when I was in Afghanistan some of the guys, and I made a pact.”

“A pact?”

“We decided that if shit went dark that we would all meet up. Hold up together.”

“Did you think this could happen?”

“Not this exactly, but shit was bad over there, Sammy. It was hard not to worry about it happening here.”

“You never talk about it.”

“I don’t like to think about it.” Dean sighed.

“You think this is our best bet?”

“Right now? I think it’s our only option.”

“Then we’ll go. We will head out in the morning.” Sam said, standing up. He offered a hand to Dean. “We should get some sleep, too. We can barricade the door.”

“Right.” Dean said, taking his brothers hand. He let Sam pull him up, and they walked back into the nursing area. The girls were each on a bed, cuddled under the single blanket. Sam walked right to Pheli, sliding off his shoes and he slid in behind her, wrapping his arms around her and nuzzling into her neck.

Dean looked at Emerson. She was asleep and damn it if she didn’t look peaceful. In another life he could picture himself seeing her like that in the morning. He would get up early and make her breakfast in bed. Coffee just the way she liked it. He made a mental note to ask her how she liked it.

He looked at the ground, and was about to settle in when Sam’s words echoed in his mind. “Why do you think, dude? It’s you.” Her back was against the wall, leaving him just enough room to lay on the edge of the bed facing her. He lowered himself down, leaving his shoes on in case they needed to make a quick escape. His nose brushed hers and she groaned in her sleep.

She opened an eye and met his in the darkness. “Is everything okay?” She whispered.

“Yeah.” He whispered back. He rested an arm on her waist, and he waited expectantly, for her to push him away. She didn’t. She snuggled closer.

“Okay.” She breathed, resting her face against his chest. He could feel his heart pounding, and he was sure that she could feel it, too. “Are you okay?”

“Right now? I am.”

“Get some sleep, Dean.”

“You’re not my boss, Maklen.” He teased, his lips against her hair.

“Feel like a big boy telling your big boy lies? I’m the boss, and I always have been. Now go the fuck to sleep.” She yawned, closing her eyes.

“Yes ‘mam.” He said, but he didn’t sleep a wink.

-18 Days After-

They were in the car for days, driving toward the check point that Dean mentioned. During the drive the boys often got out of the car, siphoned gas out of other cars that had been abandoned on the highway, the keys still in the ignition. Dean refused to abandon the Impala. So they’d get in the cars and pushed them out of the way and into the ditch. The same with the rotting, broken bodies on the street, but there weren’t many of them. It made Emerson’s skin crawl thinking about where they all went. It was the middle of nowhere and no one could’ve survived the rain. Maybe it didn’t reach that far. Maybe they got out. It was her only hope.

They were down to the last bit of food that they’d found along the way, packed in cars. Someone must’ve gotten out because the food was far and few between.

The last time they were out of the car Sam moved to the backseat so Pheli could sleep on his chest. Emerson figured that he just missed touching her. She moved to the front seat and was lulled to sleep by the endless road and the quiet sound of rock on the radio. She didn’t realize that her head was on Deans shoulder, his arm around her shoulder.

In that moment things were quiet. They were peaceful, but it didn’t last long. It couldn’t. Not in the world they were driving toward.

“Fuck.” Dean mumbled as he put the Impala in park.

“What’s going on?” Emerson asked with a yawn. She sat up completely and got a good look at the road ahead of her. “Oh no.”

“What’s going on?” Sam asked, blinking the sleep from his eyes.

The highway was full of cars. Hundreds at least, were all piled up and abandoned. One after another, like a rush hour traffic jam that never moved. The cars looked off from the blood rain, rusted and a little warped. The Impala was even looking worse for it, and Dean wasn’t happy about it, but there wasn’t time to cry and scream. So he didn’t. Not yet at least.

It felt empty, and hollow. A world void of lives. Void of other people. “Do you think they found what they were looking for?” Emerson asked, quietly.

“I don’t know, Em.” Dean admitted quietly. “But it doesn’t look good.”

Emerson forced a smile, and wished to all hell that he would’ve lied to her, she supposed that she should’ve woken up Pheli if she wanted some glowing positivity, but maybe it was too late for that, too.

“Where’s the check point?” Sam asked.

“Right outside of the city.”

“So we have to go through.” Emerson said through gritted teeth.

“Looks like it.”

“Guess we are walking, wake up my sister.” Emerson said, flinging the door open. She needed some air. She walked out to the edge of the highway and lowered herself to a seated position on the asphalt. She picked at the red grass at her ankles.

“Hey, you good?” Dean sat next to her. Damn, he didn’t waste any time.

“Yet to be determined.”

He put his finger under her chin and turned her face toward him. “Hey, look at me.”

“Hmm.” She could see every freckle on his face. The golden flecks in his eyes. He looked thin, dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep.

“I’ve got you, Maklen.”

“I know you do.”

“Do you wanna kiss me?” He wiggled his eyebrows at her.

“Kind of.” She smiled slightly, her eyes flickering from his eyes to his lips.

“Do it.” He held her face and pulled her lips to his in a soft kiss.

Somehow things felt a little better when they were so close. Emerson pulled back from him a little and pressed her forehead to his. “What happened to not kissing until the world wasn’t imploding?”

“The world seems pretty quiet now.”

How could she argue with that logic? With his eyelashes fluttering and his bottom lip poking out. He was handsome, and she spent so much time thinking about him. So much time trying not to think about him, and there he was. Next to her. “It does.”

-4 Years Before-

“Merry Christmas.” Dean said as the Maklen front door clicked shut.

“Who was that?” Ophelia called from the kitchen. She was icing cookies while Jana sat in the rocking chair that the girls had placed in the kitchen. Even though she wasn’t getting around so well, she was still able to boss them around while they baked the Christmas cookies.

“Solicitation.” Emerson called back. She rested her back against the door. Dean Winchester was at her house. After all of this time. He’s back. He’s back and he’s safe.

“Will you come help me?” Pheli called again. “Moms being a nightmare.”

“You’re the nightmare, Ophelia!” Jana groaned.

Emerson laughed and shook her head. “Yeah, yeah, I’m coming.”

“I’ve got the buttercream made.” Pheli said, holding up the icing covered spoon.

“Make sure that it isn’t too sweet.” Their mother said as she waved a hand toward Ophelia.

“I will.” Emerson said, approaching the bowl. She stuck her finger in it and licked the icing off of it. She made a face. “Way too sweet.”

“Oh come on! You two don’t like it sweet enough.” Pheli grabbed the bowl away from Emerson. “You don’t deserve my icing.” She pulled the spoon out of the icing and put it directly into her mouth.

“You’re sick.”

“No way. It’s delicious.”

“We need to start over. Grab the extra powdered sugar from the garage, and I’ll get the food coloring.”

“Fine.”

“Emerson, honey come here.” Jana waved her over.

“What’s up, Mom?” She walked to her mom.

“Closer.”

Emerson leaned closer to her moms face.

“Did I hear that handsome Dean Winchester at the door?” She whispered against her daughters ear.

“Mom!”

“Well he was there, wasn’t he?”

“He was.” Emerson agreed.

“What do you feel? Do you want to talk to him?”

“He’s on leave from the military, Mom. He’s leaving again. I don’t think it matters what I want.”

“Did he look good?”

Emerson smiled to herself. “He did. Different.”

“Okay I got the powdered sugar. Why do we have so much in the garage?”

“Big sale.” Jana grinned.

“You’re not allowed to go shopping anymore, missy.” Ophelia said with a wink.

Emerson laughed and turned toward the sink to grab the food coloring. Large snowflakes were floating down from the sky outside her window. Past the flakes, her eyes caught Dean leaning up against the outside of his house smoking. He was still in his uniform. She glanced down at the food coloring and grabbed it, sliding it in her pocket. “Hey, looks like we are out of food coloring. I’ll go get some.”

“We’re out? I thought we still had some there...”

“Nope.” Emerson cut her sister off. “We are all out. I’ll be back soon. Go easy on the sugar, Sweets.”

The air was cold, and Emerson pulled her coat together as she crossed the yard. “Hey Winchester.”

“Who, me?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yes you.” She crossed her arms as she approached him.

“Well, color me surprised. Emerson Maklen wants to talk to me.”

“Guess that was a mistake.” She turned to leave, but he reached for her.

“Hey, it wasn’t a mistake.”

“Oh, it wasn’t?”

“No.” Dean smiled softly, his cigarette burning in his fingers. “I’m glad you came over here.”

“Don’t speak too soon, I may be here to yell.”

“Are you?”

“Yes.” Her eyes flickered to his. The snow was picking up, and against the white flakes his eyes looked even greener. “No. How are you?”

“I’m...” His mouth hung there like he wanted to say something that was getting caught in his throat. “I’m fine.”

“Good.”

“How are you?”

“I’m fine, too.” She offered him a weak smile.

“You look cold.”

“Right back atcha.”

“Em I...” He reached for her hand and she backed away.

“I think you’re right. This was a mistake... I’ll uh... have a good Christmas.” Emerson turned on her heels and jogged back to her house ignoring him calling after her. She entered the front door to her house, her heart racing. Why did she go over there? Wasn’t the last time she saw him enough? Didn’t she learn?

“Em is that you?”

“Yeah Phel it’s me!”

“That was fast.”

Emerson pulled the tubes of food coloring out of her pocket and stared at them. She rolled them in her hands. “I was wrong. We had what we needed here all along.”

-18 Days After-

“Alright, we’ve got the packs! You two lovebirds ready to go?”

“God, lovebirds? From Phel? I think it’s time we reassess.” Emerson laughed lightly, as she stood up.

“Definitely.” Dean laughed and offered her a hand and she took it reluctantly. There was a lot that was still unsaid between them, but she took his hand anyway.

The Winchesters stood between the Maklen twins with their bags flung over their shoulders. They only had enough that they could carry into the city. “Baby, I’ll be back for you.” Dean promised the Impala.

“Maybe there will be more people in the city.” Pheli said. Her voice was characteristically hopeful, as she pushed a braid off her shoulder. “Maybe things will be good here. They have to be, right?”

“Right.” Sam said, giving her hand a squeeze, but his eyes were on Dean’s, and they were less than believable.

“Alright ladies, I hope you wore your walking shoes. And yes, I am talking to you Sammy.”

“Shit, should I put my high heels away?” Sam asked with a dramatic gasp.

“To the debutant ball with you.” Emerson joked weakly.

They were all hanging on by a thread, but together they walked forward, between the cars and on toward the city. Toward Dallas, where the buildings reached toward the sky, still perfectly in tact, at least from that distance.

“Maybe we should play a game?” Ophelia offered.

“Like what?” Dean asked, sounding half curious.

“I don’t know. Two truths and a lie?”

“We won’t get far with that.” Emerson laughed. “I know everything about you, and the two of them know everything about each other.”

“Never have I ever?”

“Without alcohol?” Dean laughed. “No thanks.”

“You guys are no fun.” Pheli pouted.

“How about twenty questions?” Sam offered to Ophelia.

Her eyes darted between the group. No one had any immediate arguments against it, so she cleared her throat. “Okay, I’ve thought of something. Who has the first question?”

“Is it alive?” Sam asked.

Ophelia grinned widely at him. “Let’s say... for now, for arguments sake that it is.”

“For arguments sake?”

“Yes, Samuel, it’s alive. What’s the next question?”

—————

Chapter Eleven

Get caught up!

Tag List:

@purpleskiesandcherrypies

@hanaissupergirl

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nebula-starlight · 6 years

Text

Corrupt (Part 10 - Dark Twist)

Long jagged scars twisted across her scaled skin as she lay motionless on her belly, the faint pink trails clashing terribly with the ghastly gray. Her core sparked uselessly within her breastbone, the brief green glow lighting up the small cell before it was plunged back into the shadows once more. Days, weeks, months... torture after torture with the full intent of breaking her until she revealed all her secrets. Dark was a patient demon, Void would admit, but even she was starting to notice the cracks as he seemed more and more likely to lash out at her with the one item she’d seen him carry but never use in this strange realm of his. It was a black cane, beautifully ornate at the top in silver, but always kept behind his back by a single hand. She first took notice of it after he approached her one day with a leather whip in his hand and offered her a choice of either what he held or the small velvet box that was held by one of his shadows not far away. In curiosity she’d asked what it held and he had turned to retrieve it when she saw the glint of polished metal from behind his back.

The shadows around her were comforting, something she never expected she would ever have considered under different circumstances. It had been days since the last visit, something that did bother her but, at the same time, she could barely bring herself to care. An empty numbness had come over her since being imprisoned in this space between worlds... One that, along with her mental instability, had drained all measure of resistance from her scarred form.

Release... She wanted a freedom she knew would never be granted upon her with the current measure of corruption of her soul. Each glitch hurt, becoming yet another reminder of what befell the former healer who dabbled too far into dark magic prior to her death.

Lifting her head, her eyes narrowed, green irises flickering as she felt Dark enter the realm. Why was he back? Had she done something wrong?

“Get up, dear one. You’ll enjoy what I have planned for today.” She shrunk back at first, a low hiss rising from her throat in alarm. His arrival only meant further pain. “You get to see your host again.”

Void froze at the words, eyes wide in fear at the thought of seeing Narssia again. How long had it been since she last saw her? Months... maybe even years at this point. Did she even remember the very glitch who had bound what was left of her soul to an exceptionally long lived mortal?

“What must I do?” Her wingblades quivered as she used both them and her tail to push herself up onto her hind legs. Steadying herself once she got to her feet, she noticed his dual auras as he approached.

“Nothing yet but I may have a use for you. Mark wanted to stage this choose your own adventure story for his Valentine’s Day video and well... I’m bringing you in to crash it. All you need to do is be yourself. Glitch his footage until it’s unusable if you desire, dear. I’ll deal with him if you’d like to see her again.”

The thought was tempting, ideas immediately whirling through her head at what she could say to Naris. She’d been abandoned, left to suffer at the hands of a monster while her host did nothing to save her. Sharp teeth clicked together as Dark stopped in front of her and adjusted his posture with a crack of his neck.

“Well, are you ready?” The green glow of her eyes brightened, visible wisps of aura bleeding out as she hesitated for a moment before nodding and crouching down before him.

“Oh, let’s go crash this project of theirs!”

The first thing Void felt after the darkness around her exploded into a vibrant array of colors was pain. She hissed, shrinking down defensively without thought as instinct drove her to raise her wingblades to shield herself. Seconds passed before she realized her form had changed to eerily reflect Naris’s human state and that the spotlights above were passing through her shadowy body. Stumbling back, her feet seemed heavy and chunky, each step echoing off the wooden stage as she scrambled away into the safe shadows of the wings. Truthfully she’d never been outside of her host’s shell for any period of time and it reminded her all too well of... of drowning in white noise and panic. Taking a breath to steady herself as she clenched her hands, she noticed Dark was already at work, calmly standing on the stage with practiced ease. As she watched though, the air around him begun to warp as the demon stalked predatorily towards Narssia. Her host was trembling in the chair she had been sitting in, nearly curling in on herself in fear as his words echoed with the ever-persistent ringing.

“I’ve been waiting a long time to see you again.” His low hum seemed to amplify as he stopped at the edge of the stage, aura briefly appearing before he gathered his hands behind his back. A hint of a smirk twitched at the corners of his lips as he tilted his head inquisitively to the side. “We weren’t properly introduced last time, were we? And then he had the gail to not invite me on his little adventure with you.”

Void frowned, her form glitching slightly as she cautiously stepped closer. What had he told her? Corrupt the footage? She didn’t see a camera...

Oh, Narssia had one in her lap. Mark finally made use of his uninvited houseguest it seemed. Her eyes immediately lit up at the sight of the object, wispy trails of aura returning as the chaos of her broken mind buzzed louder than any rational thought. She could glitch the device out or, rather, she could join in on the murderous fun.

By the time she realized what she was doing, Void was already several steps out of the non-painful darkness and continuing to move forward. Her ghostlike form was sizzling and practically leaking green mist as the light shone down brightly on her. It was only when Dark had to turn to snap at her that she came back to her senses and the desire for bloodlust faded back into the deep crevices of her mind.

“Finish your task before you burn yourself into oblivion!” The demon snarled, shell cracking as his unexpected outburst caused her to freeze where she stood.

What was she doing? Void shook her head, trying to dispel the fog that had settled over her thoughts and sighed, filling the air with her telltale static. The white noise buzzed on in the background as she set her sights on the camera, reaching out with one hand to direct her next motion.

Green sparks flickered to life in her palm, snapping out hungrily before dissolving into glitchy pixels. She scowled in frustration, subconsciously allowing the wispy aura trails to leak from her eyes again as the light shining down on her body continued to tear away at her form. It had worked in the past when she wanted to get Narssia’s attention so why not now?! What was she doing wrong?

Her eyes narrowed, the green of her irises practically glowing against the black sclera in rage as her body jerked with an unexpected glitch. Barely composing herself, her arm trembled as she tried over and over to produce the aural flare that would likely corrupt the camera’s footage but also alert Narssia to her presence. She could see how her host was trying not to panic, chest heaving as her breaths came in short shallow gasps.

Growling under her breath after yet another failed attempt at summoning her meager magic, Void closed her eyes, body spastically twitching as the roar of static pounded in her ears. She was in control. The bloodlust was gone for the time being. Even so, her aura continued to avoid her to the point of frustration. She needed it to work just this once! Narssia was in danger and she couldn’t oppose Dark on her own.

“V-Void?”

The soft, timid voice immediately caught her attention, forcing the spirit to open her eyes to find that there was no longer a light burning down on her. In fact, the entire theatre had no power, the only things truly visible being Dark with his identifiable aura and herself. Specks of green flickered against her see-through skin, the sight enough to startle her into shrinking back.

“Well, looks like you do have some magic left in you.” Dark’s words echoed as he addressed her, hands rising to clap together unenthusiastically. “Bravo, dearest. You actually turned this whole place dark.”

Void found herself moving towards him before she actively knew what she was doing. All she heard was her own feral snarl as it rumbled up from her torn throat, aura crackling wildly around her.

“Stop acting like you care!” She hissed, curling a hand before she lashed out, trying to punch him.

The attack didn’t land as she intended however. Too focused on actually hitting him, she didn’t realize that Dark blended into the shadows to avoid her first. It was only after he snaked around behind her that she knew she had messed up but it was already too late to pull back. He caught her wrist firmly with one hand before kneeing her in the small of her back. Unable to stop herself, she started to fall as he released his grip and calmly stepped away without a word.

The last thing Void saw before her head collided with the solid wood flooring was the demon stepping off the stage to see to Narssia. Her host was screaming, hands firmly over her ears in utter agony and terror alike as blue and red auras emerged from Dark to engulf the two.

Her vision was going dim, barely able to see the outline of two becoming one. Where was he taking Naris? Furthermore...

What had she done?

Consciousness slowly returned to her.

Void was first aware of the presence of moist fabric in her mouth preventing her from speaking almost immediately upon waking. She was confused, arms held securely behind her back by what felt like sturdy steel chains. The grogginess hadn’t even lifted much when the darkness around her was suddenly ripped away to reveal she was kneeling outside in an empty, open parking lot. The rough concrete under her legs scratched against several already existing wounds she had as she struggled briefly, reopening a few as the blood that oozed free helped to ease her discomfort.

Why was she gagged? And why were they outside? The lights in the theatre had proven her body didn’t react well to illumination. Did Dark want her to burn to death for disobeying him? She wouldn’t put it past him but she... her mind wasn’t right. Surely he had been informed of such knowledge at some point by Mark or even Narssia. As much as it bothered her to consider the thought, he had seemed to recognize her host after all.

The sound of multiple footsteps approaching suddenly graced her hearing and she started to look up, immediately hissing under the gag at just how bright it was outside. She recognized one by the deliberate loud click of each step - Dark no doubt - but the other was softer, shuffling around as though it wasn’t an unaided movement. Soon enough, once her eyes had adjusted to the sunlight, she saw exactly what she had feared. The demon was practically half-dragging Narssia over to her, each attempt by her host to pull away becoming more and more frantic the closer they got. Her eyes flickered, lightening in sympathy as the sheer look of absolute horror on the former she-dragon’s face made her wonder what all had happened while she’d been out.

“No...” The pained whimper nearly broke Void, eyes widening in the realization that Narssia had seen her and knew exactly what Dark had in mind.

Snarling under her gag, her eyes caught the blink of a small red light, indicating the camera was still functioning and also in Naris’s possession. Had it recorded everything? What trauma had her host endured after she blacked out? How she would love to know... not that she could change anything. Still, Void was increasingly more suspicious when Dark stopped, handing the girl a small gun without a word.

When he stepped away, her eyes drifted to the weapon, only to return to the demon once he snapped his fingers. She felt it at once, the rip in dimensions before it sealed just as suddenly and a limp body smacked down against the pavement beside her. The fluffed black hair gave the identity away but she still turned her head to better see Mark as his darker half snapped his fingers once more. Immediately rope bound his arms behind him and an invisible force pulled him to his knees, head hanging limply as she noticed there was no gag to silence the man.

“You have a choice to make. Do you shoot Mark? Or do you turn the gun on your parasitic glitch?”

The options, impossible of a choice as it was, sent a chill down Void’s spine. She could already feel her bound hands burning, green mist swirling around her chest from the sunlight engulfing her body. Maybe she’d fade away if enough time passed? Then again, Dark wanted one of them to die. Perhaps he thought having Naris shoot her would make her snap and lose what was left of her psyche...

“I- I can’t.” Narssia’s hands were shaking, tears flooding her eyes before rolling down her cheeks. Void glared at the demon, silently fuming and hoping more than anything that he’d be the one to get hit.

Of course knowing what little of Dark she did, the demon probably had a plan already in place to avoid that scenario. Naris could always turn the gun on herself but Void suspected her host was too cowardly to do that on purpose. Given how badly her hands were shaking though... it could always happen by accident.

“Of course you can,” Dark encouraged, sweeping an arm out towards Void to sway the decision. “You hate her after all. She made you miserable for months... Think about it. You lost your job and became nothing more than a paranoid, skittish freak in the eyes of the good townspeople you used to know!”

Void saw the light fade in Naris’s eyes at the mention of her isolation, knowing then, even without looking at the weapon, that Dark had gotten inside her host’s head. The former dragoness hated to be reminded of that dark time when the spirit had just started to take control here or there and she would wake up somewhere else in her house with no idea of what she’d been doing.

Her struggling against her bindings increased, eyes glowing with the same intensity that flowed through her veins. If he even so much as tried to lay a single hand on her host... She’d kill that demon herself!

“Mark wouldn’t even tell you the truth when you asked,” Dark commented, walking around behind Narssia as her grip tightened on the gun. “No mention of my name ever left his lips for months. Perhaps he was afraid you’d find out what happened and blame him for somehow waking the beast you fought so hard to conceal. But that’s just it, isn’t it? You never could control her and wanted that... illusionist to take away all the pain she caused.”

Void tried to scream, no sound coming out no matter how much she raged. Dark knew about Nether! Might not have known his name but knew the spirit’s identifying quality. Just what else did he know about them?

Narssia was still shaking, the tears finally stopping however as her eyes followed Dark. “No- No, you’re wrong. He never messed around in my head. I-I’d know if he did. Geer would have told me.”

“Would he now? If this Geer knew of the glitch coming weeks before and said nothing to you, can you still consider him trustworthy?”

Void was seething now, every inch of her body tense and yet unable to move. The second she did, that gun would go off - a fate she planned to avoid as long as she could. But Dark had to have known he was just making her more furious. Maybe that was his plan?

“Of course I c-can. He and I were like siblings, except we weren’t blood related.” Narssia snapped back, hands shaking briefly before she calmed herself. “I owe him my life.”

Dark stopped, turning to face the former dragoness with a scowl. “Make your choice already. Show me what you’ve got.”

Void tried to speak again, watching the gun move as her host raised it slightly. No matter the outcome, she expected there would be a return to Dark’s domain once the selected target dropped to the ground. Even if he had to carry a lifeless body. Death would finally give her the release she wanted... one Nether had robbed from her.

With a loud bang, the gun fired. Just as soon as the body started to fall, the demon snapped his fingers and it vanished. The only evidence left was a few darker stains on the concrete before Dark turned to Narssia and gently caught her as she started to collapse into a shaking, sobbing mess.

He took the gun from her, pocketing it quickly before brushing her hair back out of her face and gripping her shoulders roughly. Black eyes stared deep into her own as he spoke, each word punctuating deep into her head.

“Go home, Narssia. Forget what you just did. You had a fun, uneventful day with Mark filming the project. He’ll be upstairs editing the footage when you arrive but you crash on the couch.”

#corrupt #corrupt void #Darkiplier

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onlyonecanbeking · 7 years

Text

Figments for Dummies

Written by RS

Please do not attempt to complete the same things as seen in this book.Traveling to these locations are very dangerous, and often deadly.

Introductions

What is a Figment?

-What is their purpose?

-Figments and their Host

-Figment Strengths

-Figment Weaknesses

-Final Form

What is the Void?

-Void Dimensions

-Void Regeneration

How do Figments Glitch?

What is the Figment Council?

-How Did They Become a Council?

Introductions

The study of something as mysterious and elusive as Figments was no simple task. They are a secluded, reserved, distant species that has little to no connection with human earth. The entire forefront of their existence is experienced only in passing glances, and this is why it took almost five years to gain enough intel to truly understand a Figment’s purpose and personality.

As someone who has been fascinated with the mind, it was not surprising that I achieved a natural connection with the Figment world almost immediately. Their style of life was intriguing and strange, and no human before had ever attempted to accept them beyond their own subconscious thoughts. I decided to pursue the opportunity to learn more about them in depth. However, the road was dangerous, each location feeding me new trials and threats.

That is the reasoning behind the basis of this book; to offer everyone insight of the incredible story of the Figments within all of us, without having to risk life and limb. I hope that this inspires you to make communication with your inner mind, and respect and love the thoughts you receive.

-RS

What is a Figment?

This question is the most commonly asked to anyone that I happen to come across. What exactly is a Figment? Although there will never be a direct answer, as a Figment’s job can range to hundreds of different paths and choices, the basic duties from Figment to Figment tends to remain the same.

A Figment is a developed mirage of the human subconscious. They are nonphysical beings, born and residing within the mind at different stages of a human’s lifespan. They take the appearance, voice, and natural ticks and habits of their host, with only small attributes and differences showing they are not exact twins to who created them. They are not demons, spirits, ghosts, gremlins, monsters, or apart of the imagination. They are, quite literally, entities of the mind.

They are ageless and are not restricted by time. Figments who were developed upon the birth of the first walking humans still remain today.

Every living human who has the ability to think and understand their own subconscious has Figments. No human, however, is exactly alike. Each Figment is particularly tailored to their host’s desires, appearances, and personality. Each Figment will respond differently to certain emotions, and each Figment will work differently with each host.

What is their Purpose?

What is it that they do? Well, as stated, many Figments find secondhand jobs and abilities that can range as much as human jobs do. However, each of them have the same major responsibility to their host. Figments claim, protect, and delegate the use of their host’s emotions, using them properly in order to keep their host healthy and working properly. Each human has a multitude of separate Figments for the purpose of different types of emotions.

For example, Darkiplier, or Dark, claims all of Mark Fischbach’s dark emotions. His anger, sadness, grief, regret, loneliness, sadism, etc. Wilford claims his more light and sexual emotions. Libido, joy, curiosity, impulsiveness, etc. Googleiplier claims his more meticulous informative side. Knowledge, understanding, technical advancement. When a human must feel a certain emotion, happiness, grief, anger, regardless, it is the Figment’s duty to provide said emotion to the human mind. In doing so, the Figment themselves must also feel this emotion, for it to be properly transferred.

Figments and their Host

On occasion, by their host’s approval, a Figment may come to the “surface” and control their host’s body. This usually occurs through extremes of a certain emotion. It is most common to see dark figments claim control of their host for small segments of time. When there is overwhelming grief, the dark Figment may take over to properly dispose of the sorrow. All of this must be with consent to the host for it to occur.

Figments are most naturally tied to their host. It is uncommon to see a Figment far from where their host roams. However, on few cases, large surges of power, usually stirred by anger and hate, spike their energy far beyond natural standards, and because of this, become separate entities that are allowed to manifest into physical beings when they receive enough energy to do so. They are still, however, able to regulate their host’s emotions. “Darkiplier” from Mark, and “Antisepticeye” from Sean, are examples of this.

Figment Strengths

Invincibility is the major upside to a Figment. Death is impossible, as in technicality they never live. Even when their Host passes on, they do not fade away, but instead remain in the Void, waiting for another Host to arrive or simply working their own solitary job for the Council for the rest of their existence.

Anything that has ever been produced by the mind can be produced by a Figment with merely a gesture. They are extremely powerful figures, that claim control over the Void, and can produce third dimensional objects with their own will and energy.

Their amount of energy surpasses anything I have seen before, and they can conduct elemental attacks on opponents, in order to severely wound them, or kill them if they are mortal.

Figments have no need for food and water, as they have no working organs that need to be fed with nutrients. Figments also do not sleep, but instead meditate when their energy begins to drain. They can last for several weeks before needing to meditate, if they use their energy smartly.

Figment Weaknesses

Figments are forced to remain in the confines with which they are developed in. They are unable to venture freely on earth.

All Figments bend their will and powers to the Council when the time is needed to do so. They follow the basics of authority, and because of this, must often subdue their powers and stand down from what they desire to do.

Each Figment’s duty first comes to their Host, as their instinct. Their Host is basically their captor, as the Figment is unable to make their own decisions or take their own desired path until the Host has passed on.

Figments are unable to choose which emotions to feel. Whatever emotions they are assigned is the scope of what they can express. For example, Darkiplier from Mark Fischbach is unable to feel happiness, as he works with all of Mark’s negative emotions.

Final Form

Every Figment has a Final Form, a final stand of defense. It is basically the human version of Hulking Out, as severe anger, or physical stress from pain or wounds, causes for this Final Form to emerge. This Final Form is the most dangerous form that can be seen from a Figment, and almost always involves a death of anyone in close proximity.

Each Figment has a different type of Final Form dependent on their Host and themselves as a personality. The Final Form completely warps the Figment’s original body, and they transform into some type of unearthly beast, with possessions of powers and utilities never seen on earth before.

The only way for a Final Form to end is when the Figment completely drains themselves of all of their energy, and is more or less forcefully transferred into meditation, what humans would equal to “blacking out”.

What is the Void?

Each and every Figment, no matter how powerful or developed, are forced to the confines of the Void.

The Void is, essentially, the realm of human subconscious. Your thoughts, your inner desires, everything that makes you who you are, resides within this space. It is limitless and timeless, it contains nothing and everything in the same sense. It remains tucked in the fourth and fifth dimension, unseen by humans, and the Figments cannot see earth in that same way. It is a black chasm of eternity, and everything that is within it is purely formed from the mind. Everything that has ever been thought, every piece of knowledge, and whim, is stored there in the black canvas around.

The Void is claimed as the native homeland for every Figment. They are developed here, they reside here, and they remain here. No earth creature is known to be able to claim the Void as their habitat. Humans, as the most prime example, are completely incapable of handling the harsh dimensional warping of the Void. As it resides in the fourth and fifth dimension, third dimensional bodies become slowly dismantled, atom by atom. If a human remains in the Void for approximately five minutes, they will receive a rash close to the sensation of a sunburn. If they remain for an hour, they may begin to lose smaller digits like fingers and toes. A day’s worth of time in the Void would cause a human to literally disintegrate.

On occasions, mutterings of Abstracts have been known to accept the dimensions and are therefore able to live in the Void despite not being natives.

Void Dimensions

The Void has always been relatively stable. It’s beyond the natural bounds and physicalities of the earth, so there is no real possibility for its destruction. It isn’t limited by time, or air, or living beings, or the lifespan of said things. It is controlled by the human mind, which is a marginally unchanging, controllable place.

Many people are confused on what the fourth and fifth dimension really entails. It refers to the addition of time and space, that is, three spatial dimensions, and one time dimension for a fourth dimension, or three spatial dimensions and two time dimensions for a fifth dimension. As far as science is concerned, there is a possibility of 10 separate dimensions of space, treating time as a 3rd dimensional space and the sum total gaining to infinity.

Void Regeneration

I have discovered that injuries within the Void are never permanent for a Figment. Although when a Figment fights a Figment, it may be painful, there is never death. No matter what you harm, or what you lop off, the ligament or bone, or flesh, or whatever may have been attacked will always heal itself back. It’s the subconscious mind reforming the representation of what it envisions the Figment to be, if that makes sense. If the Figment was missing an arm, it would be a misrepresentation of what the subconscious mind identifies. It will simply just reappear into being, no special glitching or regrowing required.

How do Figments Glitch?

This is another common question I see, and I think it is based around the fact that a famous Figment named Antisepticeye is capable of glitching and teleporting the entirety of his body from one section of the Void to another. There is misconception that this is a normal occurrence for the majority of Figment kind. However, the truth is that very select Figments are able to harness this ability.

Figments’ forms of transportation are very different and dependent on their host and their own personality. Antisepticeye cracks and glitches because he is loud, energetic, and technology based. Darkiplier forms himself into a shadow-like mist and becomes almost transparent as he travels because he is reserved and mysterious. Googleplier, one of Mark Fischbach’s other figments, does a similar sort of transport as Antisepticeye, but instead follows a more basic, computer generated style of glitch that resembles a server shutting down.

But while their styles are original and hardly duplicated, each and every Figment uses the same dimensional jumping in order to get around. That’s right. Figments are indeed jumping through dimensions when they glitch, and this typically occurs through the third, fourth, and fifth dimension of space. While they are in the Void, jumping from fourth dimensions and fifth dimensions allows them to glitch and move quickly throughout the void. While in physical form, jumping between third and fourth dimensions allows them to travel through the physical realm easily with little trouble.

What is the Figment Council?

The Figment Council is a collection of fifty Elder Figments. These Figments were the first fifty Figments to ever be developed, from the first dawns of time, and from their own experiences, have been seen as capable and trusted to oversee and regulate following Figments to ensure tranquility to both the Void and Hosts alike.

Not one Council member is the same. Each one directs one of the major emotions that can be found in a Figment and Host body. For example, Council Member Adghad governs the emotion of sadness, and therefore communicates and regulates all Figments that possess such an emotion. Council Member Simil regulates and governs the emotion of happiness, and works with all Figments who claim happiness as an emotion.

It is the Host’s main duty to assign emotions to each Figment, and they do so subconsciously by simply feeling the emotion for the first time. However, it is the Council’s duty to adapt, alter and rearrange emotions based on a Figment’s ability and obedience.

How did they Become a Council?

The Council was formed hundreds of years ago, at the first creation of the subconscious. It was started, at first, only by a few fleeting Figments who desired for peace between one another while spiteful rages for more power, and energy, and control began ripping the subconscious apart, and shattering innocent minds.

Those who desired for that same peace rallied with them to create a system of law. Those who fought against it were cast into darkness after years of war.

Over time, the influence of the Council began to spread and intensify. They were no longer a simple beacon of hope to keep each other sane, it became a governing society that justified their ownership over the others through their threats of what chaos would reign without them.

So, Figments bent their will to the Council. They allowed their emotions to be governed, decided, and controlled by those of an elder stature. They trusted in their purpose, everyone was given equal reign of their host, and for a long time, peace was the prominent source found in the Void. Figments began to trust in the Council’s word. They feared what would occur from rebellion.

Now, the Council creates regulations and laws for the Figments to follow to maintain order and tranquility throughout the Void. While there are no physical punishments for standing against their rules, it is a dishonor to rebel against their statements and would cause said Figments to be shunned from their society.

#darkiplier #figments #ask-sadisticdark #figment #figmentcouncil #the void #ASDcontent

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bottomshelfreviews · 4 years

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My Top 20 Albums of the 2010s

There was a lot of great music released this decade, so narrowing my list down to twenty was incredibly difficult. The albums listed here are ranked according to my enjoyment of them and the sentimental value I attach to them.

20. Batushka - Litourgiya (2015) | Label: Witching Hour Productions

Many have hailed Batushka as being one of the most interesting black metal acts to emerge in recent memory, and I’m inclined to agree. The Polish group reminds me of everything that drew me to black metal in the first place. Their 2015 debut, Litourgiya, is atmospheric, sinister, and overall sounds larger than life. The inclusion of Eastern Orthodox chants in their sound only further contributes to the sense of doom and gloom this record evokes.

19. Knuckle Puck - Copacetic (2015) | Label: Rise Records

If any of you were into or even vaguely aware of the pop punk scene in the early to mid-2010s, then I am sure you’ll recall what YouTuber Finn McKenty and others have affectionately dubbed the “sad boy era” of pop punk. This new crop of bands, who dominated the Vans Warped Tour lineups of the first half of the decade, had more in common with emo than they did the “goofier” pop punk bands of years past. Copacetic, in my opinion, was the perfect marker for the decisive end of this era. Although the time in my life during which I mainly listened to this genre of music is over, I still find myself revisiting this record over and over again.

18. Lingua Ignota - All Bitches Die (2017) | Label: Profound Lore Records

Lingua Ignota (the stage moniker of multi-instrumentalist Kristin Hayter) is truly a force to be reckoned with. Hayter’s music is punishing and heavy, and her stage performances are no different. Beyond the brutality, however, there is beauty, and an important message to behold. A survivor of domestic abuse herself, Hayter pens what she calls “survivor anthems,” using her music as a method through which to process her experiences. 2017’s All Bitches Die is a hurricane of rage, delivered through both beautifully-sung vocals and harsh growls from Hayter. Lingua Ignota is an artist to keep an eye on, and although she just released another full-length, 2019’s Caligula, I cannot wait to see what she does next.

17. Vein - Errorzone (2018) | Label: Closed Casket Activities

This spot very nearly went to the 2017 release, Forever, by hardcore heavyweights Code Orange. Although it is difficult to tack a genre onto Massachusetts band Vein, they have been welcomed into the hardcore scene with open arms, taking it by storm following the release of this breakout album. After attending the record release show for Errorzone at the Billerica Masonic Hall during the summer of 2018, I immediately became entirely and utterly obsessed with this album. If you are a fan of hardcore, metalcore, or nu metal, then this album has something for you, and all of these genres are mixed in a way that doesn’t come off as tacky. After seeing Vein for the second time this past summer as one of the opening acts for straight edge hardcore legends Have Heart at one of their Worcester reunion shows, I only became further convinced that Vein are hardcore’s next big thing.

16. BROCKHAMPTON - SATURATION trilogy (2017) | Label: Empire

Okay, so I’m technically cheating with this one, but it makes sense to me to consider all three SATURATION albums as one cohesive unit. Formed in Texas but now based in Los Angeles, hip-hop collective BROCKHAMPTON took everyone by surprise when they released three albums back-to-back spanning summer to winter 2017. Since then, BROCKHAMPTON have gone on to attain considerable success and popularity, but for me, nothing they do will truly match the “magic” of SATURATION. Doing nearly everything themselves, these young men are among the hardest-working musicians in the industry today. While I may be partial to certain albums in the trilogy over others (cough, cough, SATURATION III), each album is full of bangers and appears to be a hip-hop classic in the making.

15. Chelsea Wolfe - Hiss Spun (2017) | Label: Sargent House

A seasoned musician by the time Hiss Spun dropped, the 2017 record was Chelsea Wolfe’s fifth full-length. While I love a majority of Wolfe’s discography, in my eyes, Hiss Spun is her crown jewel. This album is sludgy, gloomy, and heavy, but as always, Wolfe’s songwriting reflects her childhood roots of being raised listening to folk and country music. Wolfe has explained that the lyrical themes present on this album have to do with various health issues she has faced, and her writing’s focus on the body as a vessel can be downright unsettling at times, but in the best way possible. Hiss Spun is cathartic but uncomfortable, a space that Wolfe is more than content to dwell in.

14. Against Me! - Transgender Dysphoria Blues (2014) | Label: Total Treble Music

Punk band Against Me! were already a seasoned and established group by the time Transgender Dysphoria Blues was released, but, it was their first full-length outing since vocalist and guitarist Laura Jane Grace came out as a trans woman. The album’s lyrical focus on the struggles of gender dysphoria and not feeling like you belong in your own body is not only refreshing, but needed. Not only that, but it’s just a damn good record. Lead single “True Trans Soul Rebel” is anthemic while lyrically dealing with a challenging topic. Other tracks, like “Black Me Out” and “Unconditional Love,” are bonafide punk bangers that are all too tempting to jump around to. Transgender Dysphoria Blues is not only Against Me!’s most important record, but it also just may well be their best record.

13. Lorde - Pure Heroine (2013) | Label: Universal

In my opinion, Lorde is THE pop musician of the 2010s. Still a teenager when her debut album dropped and when lead single “Royals” was dominating the airwaves, Pure Heroine introduced Lorde as one of the most interesting new voices in popular music. Not only that, but its lyrical critiques of wealth and consumerism were a challenge to the pop status quo of the time. While I wasn’t too fond of “Royals” upon my first few listens to it on the radio, I became far more appreciative of Lorde when I listened to Pure Heroine in full for the first time. It has catchy hooks and a lot of the other usual hallmarks of pop music, but the memorability of the album established Lorde as a new kind of star and separated her from the rest of the pack. “Tennis Court” and “Glory and Gore” are still favorites of mine, and although I adore her sophomore release Melodrama, I’m still convinced Pure Heroine is Lorde at her best.

12. FKA Twigs - MAGDALENE (2019) | Label: Young Turks

British singer FKA Twigs had been quiet for a long time leading up to the release of 2019 full-length MAGDALENE. Prior to its release, her last project had been the 2015 EP M3LL155X. And oh boy, was the wait worth it. MAGDALENE is perhaps her most breathtaking work yet, everything sounding lush and ethereal. Taking inspiration for the title from the Biblical Mary Magdalene (there’s even a track on the album named for her), MAGDALENE explores emotion, womanhood, and the ways in which the two are intertwined. The lyrics to single “home with you” reflect the nurturing nature and caregiver status that women are typically expected to uphold: “I didn’t know that you were lonely / If you’d have just told me, I’d be home with you / I didn’t know that you were lonely / If you’d have just told me I’d be running down the hills to you.” Even the lyrics to radio-ready “holy terrain,” which features American rapper Future, reflect a desire to be wanted by a partner once “I’m yours to obtain.” MAGDALENE is a record that demands the listener’s attention from start to finish.

11. We Came Out Like Tigers - Agelessness and Lack (2012) | Label: Dogknights Productions

Out of the same UK town that produced The Beatles came “blackened skramz” outfit We Came Out Like Tigers. I discovered this group via Bandcamp, and they were my entryway into learning that there was an entire subgenre of bands that combined two of my favorite genres: black metal and screamo/skramz. Even with all of the wonderful music I subsequently dove into, We Came Out Like Tigers’ 2012 release Agelessness and Lack still stands out as a favorite of mine. The first track, “An Introduction,” includes folky guitar and spoken word lines before you’re thrust into the sonically complex “Sous Les Pavés La Plage.” The complexity is exactly what continues to make me revisit this album. The band is constantly switching between quiet and loud, and for a young band at the time, they had completely mastered when to make a song big and when to tone things down. Agelessness and Lack is both punishing and delicate. Sadly, We Came Out Like Tigers are no longer together, but this record will long outlive them.

10. Animal Flag - Void Ripper (2018) | Label: Triple Crown Records

I almost gave this spot to Animal Flag’s beloved 2016 record LP, however, Void Ripper was a record that I could not get out of my mind. On this record, the Massachusetts band covers genres varying from pop punk (“Candace”) to post-rock (“Fair”), and this variance pays off. Void Ripper may come off as a thematically dark record to many, but the hope present in it is palpable. The track “Stray” utilizes the metaphor of a stray dog to convey the message of feeling lost in life. Interestingly, religion and the doubting of one’s faith is a constant theme throughout the album. The track “Why” states, “No god above / There’s evil all around,” and “Fair” asks, “Do you feel close to God yet?” Questioning of faith is a common experience for those who were raised religious, only adding to the relatability of Animal Flag’s work. Sonically stunning and lyrically heart-wrenching, Void Ripper, to me, is Animal Flag’s magnum opus.

9. My Chemical Romance - Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys (2010) | Label: Reprise Records

Anyone who knows me personally knows that My Chemical Romance are, and have been, my favorite band. Their 2010 release Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys was their last full-length prior to their infamous breakup in 2013. Danger Days is not my favorite My Chem album by any means, and it was polarizing for many long-time fans when it dropped. It marked a huge musical shift for the group and sounds more like a straight-up rock and roll album than anything else they’ve ever released. The concept for the album was based around a comic book series frontman Gerard Way was working on at the time, a series that would eventually begin to be released during the summer of 2013. Like anything My Chem had ever done, everything about Danger Days was meticulously thought through and on brand. Lead single “Na Na Na (Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na)” is a slick rock and roll anthem, and tracks like “Bulletproof Heart” and “S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W” are personal favorites of mine. On this album, lead guitarist Ray Toro truly shines with some of the best musicianship he’s ever displayed during his time in the band. Danger Days is both glam and futuristic, a party at the end of the world.

8. SZA - Ctrl (2017) | Label: Top Dawg Entertainment

SZA’s Ctrl is one of those records that possesses the power to instantly transport me back to where I was when I first discovered it. It was the fall of my freshman year of college, I had just gone through a breakup, and I was unsure of what I was really doing in life. The R&B singer’s reflections on life, love, and feeling undesirable (the song “Supermodel” is a good example) had struck a chord with me, as they did with countless other listeners. The themes present on SZA’s debut album are melancholic, but it’s through this melancholy that SZA is able to convey relatability and hope to her fans. This relatability, to me, is especially present in the song “Prom,” in which SZA laments, “Am I doin’ enough? / Feel like I’m wastin’ time.” Ctrl is great, soulful stuff, just how all good R&B should be, and above all, it’s filled with earnest honesty. Undoubtedly, Ctrl is a record that I will carry with me for the rest of my life.

7. Ghost - Opus Eponymous (2010) | Label: Rise Above

Many have pegged Swedish band Ghost as the breakout metal group of the decade, and I couldn’t agree more. Hard rock and metal publication Loudwire even named frontman Tobias Forge as their metal artist of the decade. Although their debut effort Opus Eponymous is not the record that propelled them into stardom, it effectively set the groundwork for the hallmarks of their sound present on subsequent albums. Part of Ghost’s appeal is, of course, their theatrics. Forge masquerades as a demonic anti-Pope in Papa Emeritus I, and the rest of the band is filled with masked “Nameless Ghouls.” Beyond their creative “devil church” concept, Ghost just makes damn good music. Forge is an astounding vocalist and has a real knack for crafting sticky melodies. I’ll never forget the first time I heard “Ritual,” with its catchy introductory riff (great opening riffs seem to be Ghost’s “thing” now: think “Square Hammer” or “Mummy Dust”). Although themes of Satan and the demonic are common in a lot of heavy music, this was the very first time fourteen year-old Kayla had heard anything remotely of the sort. The same goes for the equally-catchy “Stand By Him,” and their ode to blood countess Elizabeth Bathory, “Elizabeth.” Anyone who is aware of my current love for black metal will likely laugh at this, but upon first listen, I was horrified yet enthralled. Even after years of being a fan of this band, I can still say with confidence that Opus is full of the catchiest metal songs I’ve ever heard.

6. Lana Del Rey - Born to Die (2012) | Label: Interscope Records

Lana Del Rey, up until her critically acclaimed 2019 record Norman Fucking Rockwell!, has historically been met with mixed reactions. However, it’s her major-label debut Born to Die that made me fall in love with her. Del Rey set herself apart from the upper echelons of the pop world with her deep, sultry vocal register and love of old Hollywood glamour. Her music has a grand, lush, cinematic quality to it—think of the track “Ride,” taken from the extended Paradise edition of this record. It’s hard to say anything about Born to Die that hasn’t already been said, but like countless other records on this list, Del Rey’s debut possesses major sentimental value to me—I’ll never forget hearing “Video Games” for the first time. Some have critiqued Del Rey for her melodrama, but I believe this melancholy attitude is what makes Lana Del Rey, well, Lana Del Rey. Born to Die was a new kind of pop record, one that was dreary and marked by a self-aware sadness.

5. Turnover - Peripheral Vision (2015) | Label: Run for Cover Records

Turnover was, and still is, a band well-loved by kids who listened to pop punk and emo. When Turnover decided to reinvent themselves in favor of a more shoegaze, dream pop-infused sound for their second record, it paid off extremely well. Peripheral Vision effectively made Turnover the torchbearers of this sonic shift within the pop punk/emo scene, but in my opinion, no band or release since has come close to touching them. Not even Turnover themselves with their later releases. Peripheral Vision is dreamy and atmospheric, and at times, feels like a warm hug. Its melodies are infectious and stay with you, like in tracks such as “Humming” and “Take My Head.” This record reminds me of a warm spring day. Peripheral Vision opened a lot of minds, including my own, and was one of the catalysts that pushed my music taste beyond the pop punk I was so comfortable with. From here on out, Peripheral Vision is the record I’ll choose to play on a sunny day.

4. The Wonder Years - The Greatest Generation (2013) | Label: Hopeless Records

The Greatest Generation marked a shift in maturity for The Wonder Years. It is undoubtedly their masterpiece, dealing with issues varying from vocalist Dan “Soupy” Campbell’s mental health struggles to coming of age in the suburbs. In my eyes, The Greatest Generation is the defining record for this era of pop punk, and I believe its appeal and relatability allow for it to expand its reach far beyond the pop punk scene. “The Devil in My Bloodstream” is a heartbreaking take on dealing with depression, and “We Could Die Like This” provides a snapshot of monotonous suburban life, even including the brand of cigarettes Campbell’s grandmother smokes and the lyrics, “If I die, I wanna die in the suburbs.” The album ends triumphantly with the seven minute-long “I Just Want to Sell Out My Funeral.” With The Greatest Generation, The Wonder Years have achieved what I think is the defining coming-of-age record of the decade.

3. Balance and Composure - The Things We Think We’re Missing (2013) | Label: No Sleep Records

Do you remember that part of the decade when it seemed that every pop punk/emo band had taken some sort of influence from 90s grunge? With their second record, Balance and Composure put out the best album to come from that era of the scene. The Things We Think We’re Missing was a huge leap away from the band’s first effort, Separation. From the immediate nuclear blast of an opening track in “Parachutes” to the slower (but still raucous) closing track “Enemy,” Balance and Composure compiled a collection of tracks that was instantly memorable and iconic. Even more toned-down moments, like the acoustic track “Dirty Head,” are still laced with the same desperation and aggression. The guitar work on this thing is incredible, and frontman Jon Simmons’ vocal performance soars. I listen to this album probably about once a week, and I foresee it continuing to be in my rotation for a long time. Make no doubt about it, this record is filled with angst, but as I get older, I feel like The Things We Think We’re Missing grows alongside me.

2. Movements - Feel Something (2017) | Label: Fearless Records

I haven’t felt this way about a new band in a very, very long time. California’s Movements are such an incredibly special band and convey emotion in a way very much unlike most of their contemporaries. After an impressive first EP with Outgrown Things, I was hoping for Movements to continue to deliver with their debut full-length project. And, oh boy, did they deliver. Feel Something mixes elements of post-hardcore, emo, and spoken word in a refreshing manner, despite the fact that this type of genre-blending was certainly not invented by Movements. Frontman Patrick Miranda’s lyrics are pensive and thoughtful, and delivered in a manner that grounds the notion that he knows what he’s talking about. The lyrics to opening track “Full Circle” are delivered with an earnestness that only a person who’s experienced the lows of depression themselves could possibly be capable of. Miranda perfectly captures the monotony of going through the cycle of depression: “It comes in waves and I’m pulled below / It’s not subjective, it’s clinical / Drown myself in the undertow of all my imbalanced chemicals / And the cycle comes full circle.” Even the song “Deadly Dull,” which is centered around living with Alzheimer’s and having all of your memories be erased “every time you fall asleep,” gives the impression that Miranda has had first-hand experience with what he’s singing about. For such a young band, Movements have perfected the craft of emotive music in a manner that few others have.

1. The Hotelier - Home, Like NoPlace is There (2014) | Label: Tiny Engines

Not only is The Hotelier’s sophomore effort my favorite record of the decade, but it might also be one of my favorite records of all time. Massachusetts’ The Hotelier marked their place in the 2010s “emo revival,” but, to me, Home, Like NoPlace is There is more than just an emo record. It’s intensely personal and conveys grief like no other. It’s personal because of the simple fact that many people likely have a topic covered on this album that they can relate to, from losing a loved one, to struggling with your identity, to being in a toxic relationship. The most popular song on the record, “Your Deep Rest,” features vocalist and bassist Christian Holden lamenting over their friend’s suicide and wondering if they could have done more. Holden sings, “I called in sick from your funeral / The sight of your body made me feel uncomfortable.” “Housebroken” utilizes the metaphor of a dog relying on its owner to convey the message of feeling stuck in a toxic relationship. The album ends on a triumphant note with “Dendron,” and with it, you get a sense of closure, as if the emotional journey the album took you on is wrapped up neatly with a nice little bow. Despite this closure, this album stays with you for a long time, and listening to it requires your full attention. The Hotelier are a special band, and Home, Like NoPlace is There is one of those records that only comes around once in a lifetime.

Honorable Mentions:

- Citizen - Youth (2013)

- Daughters - You Won’t Get What You Want (2018)

- Pianos Become the Teeth - The Lack Long After (2011)

- Behemoth - The Satanist (2014)

- Title Fight - Hyperview (2015)

- Kanye West - My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (2010)

- Grimes - Art Angels (2015)

- Mount Eerie - A Crow Looked at Me (2017)

#top lists #music reviews

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tanricksfanficks · 7 years

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Void S

Dying is always the easiest part. It happens fast. It's not without sensation and yet formless in feeling. If your senses allow, feel your self stretched thin in every direction yet compressed unable to grasp at anything. When it happens you probably wont know it even did, that is unless you are a capsuleer. Waking up. This is everything I fear. More than the entropy that will consume all those I love, more than facing the contents of my wallet, more than being stranded in space and dying of hunger. First comes the light, it is radiant beyond measure. All at once you become conscious of everything you have ever known downloaded from countless clones who all met the same fate. Ten million neurons firing all at once forming every emotional pattern, every muscle memory, and every single nerve connection simultaneously. No pain can compare to this, or so I thought.

I was stolen at some point, as it was customary for all capsuleers, and for the most part so were any memories of my youth. They insisted during pre-op that it was “necessary to make room”. The concept, as it was told to me at the academy, is that the conscious mind is anchored at a specific frequency and can be copied through several layers of scanning. A small tool that acts as a catalyst is implanted to transmit this information. During the time they have you under they upload what amounts to a collection of electrical impulses and variables that make up who you are to a database and erase what the deem “unnecessary”

Becoming a capsuleer is no accident. The selection process is a combination of biological compatibility that is determined at birth and progress closely monitored by whatever corporation you happen to belong to. No one person is truly free, though agents and capsuleers are thought to be the most open ended professions. This is only true in part. While after your training is complete you are ultimately left to do what you would like, without our shared cooperation and influence in this vast waste it would slowly wilt away. These are things they look for during schooling and on your tests. They force you into situations with candidates doomed to fail and see how far you can take them. Despite definite hierarchies among the corporation we are all trained to be leaders. They test the boundaries of our resourcefulness constantly and stretch our creative focus.

Your final test is a state of the art simulation. You are not given warning. This is the first time you understand the control they have over your consciousness. One moment you could be in class, or in a bed, or even on the toilet. The very next moment, the only thing you are aware of is an impending sense of urgency and the sounds of a commander hailing you. After finishing their menial tasks and showing you can operate under extreme duress they let you dock at home for the first time and the simulated scientist you rescue gives you some information regarding your results and provide you with a list of agents. While I have only heard stories, this test is rumored to be used in every system for its efficacy. For reasons not understood they cant seem to wipe out your demeanor. I'm still not sure how someone as lazy as I am made it here. My name is Nifahn and this is my story.

1.Cash Flow For Capsoleer's

BROADCAST: WARP TO LUCIAN ENGLEWIND WITHIN 0 KM. Roaring into every com-channel the moment had finally come. I reacted instinctively and aligned to the last read coordinates with only a 10 second delay. '9.9 AU TILL BUBBLE COLLAPSE' Aura read out in her familiar calming voice. Before my scanners and hull could compensate for the loss of momentum I felt the familiar shudder move through my hull my pod and my organs. An Interdictor. Far too late for me to change course I frantically signaled the remaining fleet members coordinates outside of the Interdictor's bubble range before we all met the same fate. Interdictor's are built for one purpose; stopping you where you are and preventing you from warping at a much greater range and efficiency than traditional warp scramblers. I knew quickly after coughing up blood that this clone wouldn't last the day and if we were going to survive someone would take the fall. 'Inevitably' I thought as I flipped on my after burner and aligned for the Interdictor and readied my guns.

Just as I was confident in the necessity for sacrifice to save Lucian's MACH V- Thrasher, I felt an immense yet comforting shadow. Melkezedech's raven nearly eclipsed the small star behind me and without even glancing at my scanners I recognized the torpedoes flying past my own ship and crashing into our new friend. “ Now this is a party bois” I heard called over the Fleet-Com. Scopio in his usual fashion finally decided to join and warped directly into the interdiction bubble undoubtedly killing him instantly as his clone did not respond or even attempt to eject before he got caught in the crossfire and his ship was turned to ribbons. BROADCAST: TARGET: ENDER WIGGING. “YEAH IM ON IT” I yelled into Fleet-Com in response to Lucian's broadcast. My scanners finally compensating for the anomaly brought up details on all of the targets I was able to scan within range. “REMOTE REPS ON LUCIAN” I called out realizing how little time we really had when suddenly the worst happened. My scanner started to acknowledge the ever growing number of signatures in the surrounding area “AMBUSH!!!!!!” I bellowed into Fleet-Com. As if in response ships of varying sizes and quality started uncloaking as a unit and hell was upon us. “A Gallente naval fleet this deep in Caldari space?” Melkezedech said trembling. “This could only mean one thing Fleet Commander Lucian” I called out knowing what we all were afraid to say. The treaty was broken, and we were at war.

After an eternity that was only a matter of seconds a communication channel was broadcast to each of us “Hailing Fleet COACA This is Commander Hans of the Gallente Federation you are hereby ordered to stand down your station and your clones have been destroyed your fleet and your commanders captive”. 'Mortality?' I thought mockingly 'this is turning out to be a better day than I anticipated' looking down and seeing the blood still fresh on my sleeve. “You have one chance to comply.” He said. “We have use for good pilots and I would hate to waste that for your pride”. 'Live to fight tomorrow' I saw on my personal com-channel with Lucian. I knew I was fading and despite embracing the final rest many times over today was not the day I would die. “Calling Commander Hans, this is Squad-Leader Nifahn requesting medical assistance. I caught the interdiction bubble at near maximum warp speed.” His response was well met. “ Having survived that you earned it. You may dock on our command ship where help will be on the way”. 'Wher-' I thought before the behemoth uncloaked and completely eclipsed any light coming from the nearby star dwarfing both fleets combined. Docking in my first command ship was everything I imagined. The help was already at the door and with my job done I closed my eyes and fell deep asleep.

Waking up. Any injury I sustained was brilliantly taken care of, or I just had the smoothest clone transfer in my life. Upon surveying the room I found my self in the company Melkezedech who looked very little like we had just lost our fleet. “ Welcome back. Do you want the good news or the bad news?” He asked. I glanced at my wrist and affirmed that this was the clone from the battle having been healed marked by the number one drawn on my wrist indicating how old my clone was. One being a week This was a considerable time for the life of a clone, at least for my self. My main source of contribution to our fleet was gate checking. Our station had a struggling market and in an effort to become more efficient started policing and removing anyone who made the the main trade routes unsafe. This became exhausting the more available cloning became. After taking some time to reflect on the events prior I chuckled, “If there is good news to be heard then it cannot wait”.

Lucian walked in smirking like every other time I have encountered him. “We are all free men, so long as we maintain a channel with our would be captors and respond to distress calls from any Gallente relay. We are also jump locked to this system”. “Clones?”I asked. “They are now compliments of the Federation. For the most part our job hasnt changed.” Lucian told me with a laugh. “The bad news.” Melkezedech said cutting Lucian's laugh short. “The war is already over. All reports say The Forge is the final stronghold and its folding fast”. My head began throbbing. “I couldn't have possibly been out that long” I pleaded. “There was a betrayal at the capital. All of our commanders were given false information about a mass invasion force that ended up being a series of traps. General Nivek has taken command and as far as anyone can tell is the only remaining obstacle for the complete annihilation of the Caldari Council”. I took a deep breath and tried to find an answer. There was no scenario that they would succeed at escaping their captors and making it to our remaining forces. “I think its time we get you to your agent.” Lucian said breaking a long silence. “So that's it Fleet Commander Lucian?” I said mockingly. Lucian looked back for the first time his face reflecting the situation we were in. “Well we are alive anyway”.

#fanfic #eve online #Lucian Englewind #melchezedek #Nifahn

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sharingleadership · 6 years

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Do You Need To Be Saved From Success?

I’ve recently begun pondering what success looks like again. Is it selling a million copies of Reel Leadership? Is it reaching 10 million people with my message on leadership? Or is it something else?

Photo by rawpixel

These thoughts have been running through my mind. They’re drawing me back to new questions all the time.

They’ve gone from the questions I only asked at the opening of this article to new questions…

How many lives have I impacted? Would I be okay with truly impacting only one life? Where does my energy need to be focused to be most effective? What does effectiveness really look like?

I don’t know. I really don’t. But I think I need to be saved from my idea of success. You need to as well.

We place these false notions of what success looks like on our lives. On and on we chase this supposed notion of what success really looks like. Then we take on the ideas of others and place those people’s opinions of success on our lives.

We hoist false trophies in the air, like the people in the image above. We chase unfulfilling promises. We long to be recognized…

Our constant pursuit of success actually pulls us away from what success should be. We drift further away from the destination we should be heading towards. And we wind up in a place we never desired to be in the first place.

The success we discover isn’t fulfilling. It isn’t rewarding. It leaves us empty and feeling void.

As you pursue your career and your idea of success, be careful. You may not be pursuing the right things. You may be pursuing what others have told you to pursue or a warped version of success.

I’m beginning to reshape my view of success. It’s no longer about me. It cannot be about me.

Success is about something more. It’s bigger than my legacy or the number of people I reach. It’s more important than my ideas and thoughts.

While I’m not sure what success looks like, I know success isn’t what I’ve been pursuing. I’ve been pursuing the wrong things. And, if you’re anything like me, you’ve been chasing the wrong things too.

Today, take some time and think about success. What did success look like to you 5 to 10 years ago? What does success look like to you today? How have they changed? Have they diverged in a different path than you believed you were headed?

Let us get back to the heart of things. Let us search our hearts and minds and remember why we began to lead or write or share our lives with others.

Then and only then do I believe we will find the success we’ve all been longing for.

I don’t know about you but I need to be saved from success. Do you?

The post Do You Need To Be Saved From Success? appeared first on Joseph Lalonde.

source https://www.jmlalonde.com/do-you-need-to-be-saved-from-success/

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etherealnexus · 4 years

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I’ve decided to go through the head canon exploration list as I believe it could be interesting

1. Light

Originally the organization or group led by Chronos was known as the Alliance of the light i later decided to change that due to the nature of the world of which I created where things aren’t always as it seems and many common associations are useless as nothing is inherently good or evil this is a world not of black and white but a world of grey

2. Shadows

The realm of shadows is under the leadership of Orpheus the dragon of shadowsThe realm of shadows despite common belief is not entirely black there is light in fact without light the realm of shadows would not exist light is also required to move to and from this realm

3. Truth

Ironically the most truthful of all my characters is watcher despite his label of trickster he rarely lies if he ever does not to say he tells everything he generally withholds information this is how he creates confusion selectively withholding and giving information

4. Lies

Order is an entity labeled by many as a villain as he is corruption despite his goals of which he ironically has never strayed from like watcher he is the least likely to lie but he has but only to protect people and keep people from getting involved

5. Fall

Fallen is alternate version of order who has the lost memories of broken in his mind driving him into madness and self destruction from one who desired to unify and protect the world he has fallen far as he has lost his identity lost in a permanent downward spiral of confusion and agony

6. Secure

The entrance or ‘door’ to the realm of soul is closely guarded by watcher in his “tower of doom” of which it is an irritating seemingly infinite and probably impossible to complete from either the bottom or the top whenever watcher is asked to protect something it generally ends up in his tower

7. Purpose

The apocalypse biowraith was never meant to be made it was an accident caused by the creations of others of which it has been pacified for now it is the ultimate punishment for those who played god by warping entities beyond understanding and attempting to weaponize them entities that know no mercy entities that are born of hatred, rage, and vengeance perhaps it would have been best to have let Armageddon fulfill its purpose

8. Meaning

{watcher} “42 ;o)”

9. past

The past cannot be changed, and sometimes it is doomed to repeat in fact it was looper who broke the time loop that started it all

10. future

It doesn’t matter what you have done in the past what matters is the now. The future is always ahead of you...

Looper Chronos was born in the future born after the sun became a red giant, 4593 years to be exact

11. Star

The star is dead yet alive the one who gave us hope sacrificed themselves by trapping his own realm within a loop this person was Occulta Chronos who is long since gone and in his place stand the Tower Looper Chronos

12. Sun

The Omniverse protection, surveillance, maintence system or just Omni for short was original tasked to do as its name implied until someone found the keys enabling them to access Omni and reprogram it, of which they gave it the command to destroy existence itself, though they forgot to delete the previous command causing Omni to crash, restart, and combine the commands to indirectly destroy existence... since then Omni has been encroaching upon the fine line between direct and indirect...

13. scar

Chronos has lost his left arm and right eye due to what he calls an accident but was a murder attempt by a serial killer changling of which back then he was a mechanic he was asked by a friend of his to look into and fix some machinery of which while working the changling turned on. The gears of the machine moved and caught his left arm pulling him into the machine in which another gear came around his right side and dug out his right eye a security personnel came into the surveillance room at that time and saw what was happening and a worker was able to turn off the machine Chronos had to go to the hospital which his friend payed for... he was only one of three survivors of the serial killer

14. Solitary

Aura lives within a tower of which he only leaves to STEAL books from his allies no one likes him due to what he had done not that he remembers of course but he doesn’t really care

15. Penance

There is a price to pay when a nine void soul directly hops dimensions a price that order had paid his identity was stolen from him leaving him as we see him today he is incapable of saying his real name...

16. Sinner

Aura was once an Arch mage the highest amongst his peers until he met Looper... after what he had done he lost many of his powers and memories

17. Saint

Chains is a very friendly person unfortunately he is unable to speak due to the fact he is a skeleton so he has no vocal cords but besides that he tries to befriend everyone

18.unconditional

The abyss is where it began the abyss is strange the abyss is eternal the abyss is all the abyss is what lies beyond time, space, void and even reality everything equal everything the same everything abyss

19. Rules

The universe is picky desiring to be stable and familiar void souls are ignored but their are instances where strange things happen things left behind by dimension hoppers things that don’t belong sometimes they are integrated sometimes not those that don’t end up in the void...

20. Tales

There are many tales and legends roaming around about the rebellion from times long forgotten to more recent events though it is quite hard to find them as there are many forces at work hiding them from the universe itself to what are equivalent to what can be defined as a god

21. Amazing

The infinity stone has infinite energy and a multitude of abilities such as turning people into stone or bringing objects to life, it is highly sought after and as per a deal a long time ago it is to be protect by the rebellion of souls by inheritance

22. Special

Abilities are hidden away in the soul generally tied to the personality and habits a person has each one special in its own way each one used differently

23.sick

The infinity stone despite having infinite energy can lose that energy resulting in a “dead” infinity stone of which begins to drain all kinds of energy around it and corrupt the environment decay and rot spreading around it

24.exhaustion

Abyssal is the prophet of the abyss... but there are costs to such a connection he always feels drained as his body constantly fights itself to keep him from becoming one with the abyss...

25. Choice

Xerixoth the guardian is a giant with multiple bodies of which it can mold into any shape his true self looks like a giant humanoid plant without a face he guards the labyrinth of the forgotten by choice as this was where he was born... but he does not guard that place alone that would be a waste of his talents in order to remain in what is considered an inconsequential place a useless relic of the past he guards many lands and is known by many names such as Cerberus, heimdall, ladon and many others...

26.Dream

Dreams is a nightmare or partially a nightmare as her abilities do not coincide with actual nightmares. She is able to wander the dream realm and bring people into it which she is very hesitant to do so as there are many dangers in doing so... Dreams is also able to manipulate the dream realm and she can use it to travel far distances in an instant

27.sex

The strangest gender belongs to watcher who likes to be refuted to as a male but in reality is reality itself

28. Passion

Looper is passion about machines he likes to make them and fix them he particularly likes to make machines that will help people

29.intense

There is an aura around watcher that he is able to turn on and off for people an aura that is suffocatingly intense. The aura of a god...

30. Soft

Despite being living metal gallium can choose to be soft whenever he feels like it by making himself ‘hotter’ of which makes the metal he is made of softer and surprisingly relaxing as despite whatever metal he is made of it never burns people

31. Unforgiving

You might not think it but watcher can be quite unforgiving due to the fact that it always seems like he does forgive people, but that is only because it doesn’t really bother him... No if you truly bother him he will bring down the full wrath of reality onto you he shows no mercy as those who bother him have done something that should be allowed to persist

32. Almost

The EtherealBane is a sword capable of threatening existence itself made and then broken by its own creator and the pieces scattered in a way that should have almost guaranteed it would never be reforged in fact it shouldn’t have ever had a chance and yet due to the time loop and the realm of soul free floating deep within the abyss it was able to increase its chances as now all three pieces have found their keeper when there should have only been two

33. Messy

The messiest character is Necros who generally has notes scattered about though the do generally get organized pretty fast... this messiness is due in part with Necros’s jumpy nature and Aura’s lack of respect for privacy and belongings ironically Aura’s tower is always organized but whenever he goes pillaging for new information he leaves a mess wherever he’s been and since Necros likes to make records of things he is generally the target

34. Memory

The blade of memories is a sword with the power to summon champions: people with great power that are separated from the norm generally people deemed as a hero or villain. The blade was made by the same person who made the EtherealBane in fact he made it so he could gain materials for it

35. Forgotten

Xerixoth is the only entity ever to be born in the labyrinth of the forgotten as usually entities only ever wander into it by accident the details of his birth are unknown there are no trace of his parents and yet he claims to remember them...

36. Time

Chronos has the power to manipulate time by either freezing it around him and unlike in many instances everything is frozen in place to move something it’s like pushong against a spring. And he can fast forward and rewind objects but specific objects such as if he were to fast forward the earth it would only fast forward the earth no the plants, people, buildings, etc.

37. Gift

Gifts from the elements allow great power and influence as such it is rarely give as people can use it to corrupt and control gifts from the elements are like stronger forms of rituals of which call upon the help of the elements but instead of having to ask for the power you already and may always have it, and there are worlds where everyone has this gift some thrown into chaos some in peace.

38. Red

Red is the symbol of blood, rage, determination, love, betrayal, power, strength, pain, life, healing and offense it is a color found within battlefields and berrys found within the nurturing flame and the raging wild fire Red is the color of Nature

39. Yellow

Yellow is the symbol of light, plasma, warmth, instinct, sight, safety, warnings, greed, wealth, lies, and trust it is a color that spreads rumors and light it is the color of precious metals and deception yellow is the color of information

40. Blue

Blue is the symbol of the sky, ocean, intelligence, water, truth, wisdom, trust, friendship, nobility, status, enforcement, judgement, sadness, unknown, fear, and calmness this is the color worn by officers and navy this is the color that spans far from land this is the color of the unknown and lurking Blue is the color of emotion

41. Gray

Gray is a symbol of equality, good and evil, impure, corrupted, imprisonment, loneliness, misfortune, emptiness, null, stone, protection, safety, home, smoke, metal, creation, machines, industry, gears, work, and unity gray is found within the concrete of homes and walls it separates us and protects us gray is the color of metal that is used to build our civilizations gray is the color of the stars that fall from the sky gray is the color of the sculptures we make gray is the color of the clay we mold gray is the color of creation

42. Sloshed

Watcher likes pretends to get drunk but as he is reality itself he can’t. as such even if he drinks a lot of alcohol he is very aware of his actions

43.regression

Bioweapon is very unpredictable as he (as Bioweapon prefers to be referred to) is only docile because he still cannot beat Chronos. Bioweapon is very destructive of which he has been getting better with but if thrown into a fit of rage he will go on a destructive rampage until he calms down which usually involves Chronos holding onto the tip of his tail with his robotic arm

44. Laughter

Watcher laughs a lot and each of his laughs have a different meaning. Hysteria means he’s either going to cause some chaos or is about to kill some one, a short laugh means he desires a different topic, a long slow laugh means he’s thinking, a dark laugh means he doesn’t like something, a slow dark laugh means he’s about to get serious a normal laugh just means he found something interesting or funny and the most dangerous is an obvious fact laugh which means he done with playing the role of the fool

45. Debt

For the crimes of binding the minds of others to do his bidding the hilt has taken away many memories from Aura including the title of high arch mage his power and spells that control the mind and soul have been sealed until aura learns respect

46. Work

small and intricate tasks There are machines created by Chronos for hard labor and teaching there are robots with free will also created by Chronos and finally within the library there is a spider centaur robot that looks over the library with its hive

47. Pain

The biowraiths live in perpetual pain and suffering and even once they were finally free they continue to endure as they desire to keep others from sharing the same fate... and upon this point one has to wonder if they are still even wraiths as they are no longer creatures of vengeance and rage but rather creatures of retribution and liberation

48. Hidden

Camo is an expert in scouting, archer, sniping, and camouflage it is almost impossible for one to find him if he wants to be hidden... and then there’s Chronos with his blasted eye... no matter what Camo does it always finds him

49. Power

There is no easy way to obtain gain power even if one is born with it they must learn to control it and those without it must work to get it these two principles make up this world

50. Animal

When forced to become an animal looper will either become a kobold, squid, or Phoenix based on a multitude of factors Watcher and Gallium can become whatever they want but Watcher prefers more obscure animals and gallium prefers more sturdy and offensive animals

51. Pretend

Do not be deceived as watcher is no fool he is no jester for your amusement in reality he is the strongest among them and he only plays along as he finds them interesting those foolish enough to threaten them will perish

52.pillows

Everyone has their own pillow Chrono has a normal one, watcher has one made of “dank memes and fluffy clouds” Necros used the same as Chronos but now sleeps on fortune, fortune sleeps on heated volcanic rock, Bioweapon sleeps in a tube, alchemist sleeps on himself, chains doesn’t sleep, aura uses magic when he does sleep, Camo sleeps in either trees or bushes, nebula uses foam pillow, and no one knows what gallium sleeps on... well watcher and Chronos know but they won’t tell.

53. Cigarettes

No one really likes cigarettes Bioweapon eats them I suppose but watcher destroys them alchemist sees them as poison and Chronos is neutral he doesn’t smoke but won’t stop others if they want to

54. Leader

The leader is chosen through voting and the current leader is Chronos due to the fact he try’s to get things done as efficiently as possible and is respectable of others

55.follower

Gallium is not a leader as he prefers to follow he has a strong sense of justice and desires to protect his friends

56.ring

Chronos has made rings before that had small machinery for tracking and communication as well as other tools such as lasers. There are also enchanted rings that are hoarded by aura and Necros wears some rings

57. Journal/diary

Watcher is the only one with a diary whereas Chronos, Necros, alchemist, Camo, and aura keep journals Chronos’s is filled with blueprints, Necros’s is filled with notes, records and some personal information, alchemist’s is filled with recipes for poisons and medicine, camo’s is filled with scouting information, and aura’s is filled with notes and spells. Watcher’s diary is filled with gibberish

58. Flowers

Arc has his own garden of corrupted flowers they were normal flowers that were effected by his presence becoming completely black and oozing out a black tar like substance. The flowers have the same properties as arc so he keeps people away from them

59. Tree

Many of the crash islands that seemed to have once floated spread out across the ruined planet there are long dead trees present each one have stone structures that were once powered by these trees and were able to create portals to other dimension few seeds remain and the trees seem to be uneffected by time as Chronos tried to fast forward one of the seeds

60. Nature

Being a dimension hopper allows one to experience many biomes and environments world made of fire, ecosystems that exist only in the ocean depths, a universe were the last star has gone out sending it into perpetual darkness

61. Gold

Money isn’t much of a problem as the infinity knives (knives made of shards of infinity stones) though they weaker abilities than the infinity stones allow one to clone inorganic material and because different dimensions generally don’t use the same currency they use gold... of which watcher once used to make an entire economy disappear

62. Silver

Chronos has had requests to use a silver coating instead of copper and bronze but he refused as he prefers them

63. Games

There are a variety of games available and played watcher likes to hang out by the gambling but he prefers more obscure games and particularly likes to play Ur

64. Foreign

The members of the rebellion of soul are diverse partly due to the fact that the ruined planet seems to have become the dumping ground for void souls of all ages from 0 to infinity many languages, cultures, beliefs and to Chronos’s delight technologies were learned and spread

65. Comfort

Because of the developing relationship between Necros and fortune the jumpy necromancer seems to spend a lot of time with fortune who with the motherly caring side and the confident, aggressive side comfort and help Necros become more confident

66. Music

Watcher likes to play Symphonias more specifically the hurdy gurdy, Looper is learning to play from watcher and he knows how to play a piano, gallium can play the trombone and trumpet.

67.air

Don’t underestimate air, many regard this as a supporter element but they are fools air is probably one of the elements that Looper uses the most as it is capable of creating platforms and tools they can create barriers and suffocate foes it can create invisible attacks to slice you unsuspecting target

68.water

Water is regarded as an element of healing and support capable of manipulating blood and many substance containing the molecule H2O whereas the element isn’t very suited for major defense it can be quite deadly pressurizing it can allow one to stab an enemy with many small hole

69. Fire

Fire is regarded as an offensive weapon which ironically alchemist uses for medicinal purposes one of which to seal off wounds or stop blood flow. It can also be used to regulate body temperature yes it is commonly used to destroy but the option is there

70. Earth

Earth is a hard hitting and defensive element capable of creating massive structures in seconds this is an element found with many artists

71. Definition

The ruined planet is the main base of operations for the rebellion of soul or alliance of soul it is also the area where the dark ages of their predecessors to place this is the place where many of their previous selves have died... this is where order was weakened and once sealed...

72. Forever

Chains is a four armed metal skeleton ‘wearing’ a black cloth and is covered with chains he is an immortal entity if you destroy him he will respawn in his coffin if you destroy his coffin it will simply fix itself. This is an entity fated to exist til the end... and perhaps even past that

73.never

The only person never can apply to is watcher due to the multiple dimensions meaning multiple versions of my characters that may do things these ones will never do. Because watcher is reality itself there is only one of him... well one Main him and there will never be a second

74.learn

Due to the fact the many universes have decided to dump all void soul of any age and of many types they’re going to have to be taught the same language and other more common things for some not that the ones who began it all aren’t still learning there are many things left behind from their predecessors and it doesn’t help that some of them only allow a select few of them read them

75. Teach

Some of The things taught are normal or similar to what is normally taught like math, science, reading, etc. but there are other classes that teach magic or help with learning to control abilities there are also other strange classes for many things these people may potentially deal with

76. Grief

Grief is not uncommon in fact it’s quite common there are many who grieve the sudden lost of their home and families having been dragged to a new unknown place there are others who have been here longer who grieve the loss of friends and companions who may have died in a mission there are tisks their are deaths no one likes it, and it’s unavoidable

77. Leaving

People are free to leave if they desire same with the robots unfortunately only the robots are truly allowed to leave though because after a bit perhaps a year, a month, a century, or decade the void souls always end up back on the ruined planet as such Chronos created a separate place for those who desire not to stay children are raised and at a certain age are allowed to leave if they desire...

78. Mundane

There are many mundane tasks that need to be done though interestingly they always seem to be finished... after awhile Looper learned watcher was doing it but said nothing...

79. Picture

Fortune and Necros have made many picture fortune making pictures of past or future events of people and Necros has many bizarre pictures which Watcher sometimes confiscates a few...

80. Crazy

Watcher acts crazy but he is Necros’s pictures seem crazy but they are connected to watcher, Aura is crazy but try’s to act like he isn’t. Chronos is crazy

81. Repression

Ever since looper broke the time loop he has suffered the constant torment of other versions of him who were once in the loop but failed Looper is constantly ignored by most of these past selves who disregard him as they try to take control despite how much farther Looper has come without them... Looper is chained up in his own mind barely able to use his own gifts forced to use what was used by the past selves

82. Tragedy

Chains was part of the predecessors he somewhat witnessed their end he was trapped in his coffin unable to get his chains out and something heavy preventing him from getting out he heard the final member die taking order with him sealing his soul before he himself died... it pained chains that he was unable to help his friends that he was forced to remain in his box as they all died... but at least he met them again in another life...

83. Comedy

Watcher plays the role of the fool he is the jester the joke he is an excellent distraction as he can be loud and generally says the right things to get people’s attention

84. Romantic

Of of the ‘romantic’ relationships is between the hermaphrodite humanoid hydra known as fortune and the necromancer spectral lich known as Necros

85. What if

Watcher loves the what if game... Chronos doesn’t particularly like it especially if he’s busy or it’s referring to a past instance

86. Paternal

The male side of fortune gives of a fatherly ir paternal aura whenever around Necros probably due to the fact the more caring side is effecting it, or it actually does care for Necros and it is leaking out in its aura, or both

87. Maternal

The female side of fortune always gives off an maternal aura and the aura only ever changes when around Necros when it becomes more of a loving aura

88. Better

Chronos likes to improve things it’s instinctual he might begin to make something as he suggests it he may have already made it before he suggests it sometimes it embarrasses him and others it gets him in trouble

89. Worse

Chronos has made many attempts to help the biowraiths but generally it only ends up making things worse for them he has attempted making his own which turned out fine but he couldn’t find a way to transfer that to them... in the end he simply gave up he tried and failed it was simply beyond him

90. Coping

Everyone has their own way of coping Chronos makes maxhines, watcher never seems to need to(watcher doesn’t grieve he tries to do what they would have wanted finishing anything they left unfinished killing the one who killed them he will do all of these BY ANY MEANS NESSASSARY) Necros used to hide in a corner now copes with fortune, Aura throws things, Alchemist melts the floor, Bioweapon destroys everything in sight, etc.

91. Young

The infinity stone halts the aging process at a preferred point in time and gives people immortality to age they of course can still die by fatal wounds and such just not age or disease

92. Old

The oldest people within the rebellion of soul are Chains who is immortal, and ??? Excluding watcher Who has every cancer and a lot of mutations don’t know what they were or even what gender but they are also immortal

93. Crisis

In a time of crisis the infinity stone will temporarily turn people into stone to protect the and once it’s over it will restore them this ability will also heal them and put them into a sleep like state until they are turned back

94. Body

The body is the home of the soul it is a focus for mana and the elements it is how one interacts with the physical world

95. Soul

The soul is a source of life energy it is a source and conduit for mana it last forever but be warned it can be destroyed and the soul can never be hidden

96. Mind

The mind is what controls the body it is the instructor for spells it allows thought and emotion but some are broken and can be broken it may not be physical but it is as vulnerable as the body

97. Reason

Aura is one who acts on reason he likes to know why before he does something if he does something

98. Logical

Watcher defies all logic and reason mainly because he is reality itself so he can just edit that he actively defies it as he enjoys the confusion caused

99. Hypnotize

Auras punishment was due to the fact he used a spell to control the mind and soul of others to make them do what he wanted him to when caught he was punished

100. Wisdom

The wisest of all my characters once again is watcher he is the 3rd oldest being in existence he seen it all even the beginning and creation he just has a round about way of saying things and you have to ask him if you want the information but no one expects the fool to know anything anyways

#etherealnexus #headcanon #lore dump #lore

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beardedwinnerobject-blog · 6 years

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