#I know this post makes no sense. don't worry about it

[lazyjellyfish300]

The Woman He Didn't Choose Part 7 🥀

AU Bachelor!Miguel O'Hara x Fem Contestant!Reader

Synopsis: The host, Jason Donner, and James, the beach bartender open the dreaded truth box in Paradise. Word count 4.9k

Part 1 (previous chapters linked in the post)

A/N: Jersey shore inspiration once again! As well as a scene from the movie One Day with Anne Hathaway. Let me know what y'all think!🖤 TY AS ALWAYS FOR READING. 🫶🏽

CW: MINORS DNI, no smut, mentions of sex, DRAMA, ANGST, FIGHTING, MILD VIOLENCE, FIST FIGHTS, MISCOMMUNICATION, TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS, BETRAYAL, MENTION OF CHEATING, GASLIGHTING, BULLYING, TRASH TALKING, fluff at the end

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The fleeting adrenaline of the night has now taken the form of awkward tension and dead stares as the group sits around the bonfire. Jason Donner, the host, and James the beach bartender approach, holding Paradise's version of Pandora's box, anticipating the drama that will inevitably spring forth with quiet dread. 

"Good evening, everyone." Jason greets. Muffled murmurs echo with little enthusiasm in response. He claps his hands together. 

"Well, as you can see, James here, our wonderful MVB, or most valuable bartender, as I like to call him..." 

He pauses for dramatic effect as the cringe joke lands. 

"....has a little box of tricks for you this evening."

He takes the box in his hands, opening it as several scraps of paper nearly tumble out. 

James assists him, helping him organize the slips of paper based on who they're written about, before he addresses the group. 

"Alrighty, here we go, without further ado, time to drop some truth bombs." 

George shifts uncomfortably in his seat, MJ is seated next to him with her arms crossed, blue eyes squinting at James as though she was trying to make out the words he's reading telepathically.

Miguel swallows and turns to look at you with a sort of half smile. You return it with your own, both your legs bouncing restlessly. 

Felicia and Ben hold each other's hands in anticipation. Peter B. sits up, eyes glaring in George and Miguel's direction. 

"First one: Ben is like a Golden Retriever. Blonde and always happy to be here." 

The group laughs, caught a little off guard by the unexpected tameness of the first confession, with Ben nodding in agreement. 

"I mean, they're not wrong...."

"Wait, there's more." James turns over the piece of paper. "P.S., I borrowed your razor to shave my ass the other day." 

Ben turns white as Miguel and George wheeze with laughter. "Lovely..."

James unrolls another scrap of paper, this one's for you.

He calls your name and your heart does a death drop in your chest. 

"Miguel truly cares about you. I know you're scared of getting hurt like you did when you were on his season, but give him a chance. I have known Miguel for a long time, and I can honestly say that he loves you and wants the best for you. I know he wouldn't take a huge risk like this unless he was committed 100%. Don't let this opportunity slip you by." 

You feel a deep heat in your face as you look down. Miguel looks surprised at the confession as well. He glances discreetly over at you, moving one of his knees closer to yours. 

Next confession.

"Felicia..." 

Felicia raises her head, curious what this one could possibly be about.

"Felicia, honestly Ben deserves better than you.  After being engaged to Flash and dating Harry, is it not obvious you're just a gold digger? I feel bad for Ben. He deserves someone authentic and who won't  use him just for his looks or eventually leave him if someone more successful comes along."

Felicia looks like she could kill somebody with her bare hands. MJ tries to stifle a smile as she leans back in her seat. Ben looks worried at Felicia  and a little hurt but doesn't let go of her hand, looking down at the sand and trying to make sense of what he was just told. 

James' eyes glitter with a little bit of mischief as he reads the next two intended for just one person. 

"Peter is a little bitch." 

Peter raises his eyebrow unamused, eyes flickering over to Miguel and George, the latter who's doing his best to not let a snicker escape the smug grin he's wearing. 

Time for the second truth bomb directed at Peter. 

"Peter. Are you sure being on a dating show is what you need right now? The only connection you should be focused on is one with a therapist so you can get the help you need. You're not over MJ, you're mad that things didn't work out with y/n even though you were the one who fucked her over. What do you really want?  Get your shit together- sincerely, everyone." 

Jaws silently fall open with a mixture of shock and also silent admiration for anonymous to say what everyone is thinking. 

"Well dayum..." You mutter under your breath, a little relieved someone is finally calling him out. 

Peter turns bright red, a vein nearly popping out of the side of his forehead as he points at Miguel. 

"So now you think you're funny, don't you?" 

Miguel raises an eyebrow, "You assume I wrote that?"

"Yeah, because you're the one who can't seem to keep my name out of your mouth." Peter snaps. 

Miguel scoffs. "Wouldn't need to keep it in my mouth if you could just keep it in your pants..." He mutters. 

"Miggy, please..." You tug on his arm, your eyes pleading which makes Miguel soften a bit, apologetic he upset you. As satisfying as it would be to let Miguel lay Peter's ass out for everyone to see, you don't like the idea of him getting in a fight. 

James blows air out of his mouth in preparation for the next two, knowing they will be about as effective as pouring gasoline on an already blossoming fire. 

"Miguel needs to go home. All he cares about is getting pussy. He's a washed up bachelor who's only here because it didn't work out the first time. He is not ready to settle down."

"George..." 

Oh God this might be it. 

"When are you gonna be honest with MJ and admit you were texting your daughter's mother just days before you came on the show? You're a liar and you know it. MJ deserves better than you." 

Even a pin dropped could be heard in the sand with the uncomfortable silence that washes over the beach. You and Felicia look at each other with shocked expressions, looking frantically around the fire for signs of who else could possibly be on to George. 

MJ scoffs quietly, shaking her head and running her tongue over her teeth in annoyance. George's hands clench into fists on his legs, taking a deep breath, seemingly doing his best to keep his rage under wraps, for now. He glances at MJ but she keeps her vision straight ahead, hissing at him when he tries to reach towards her. 

"Oh, that's nice." Miguel shakes his head, shrugging off the insult that was directed at him. 

James tilts his head. "Doesn't that bother you?" 

"No, because it's not true."  Miguel retorts simply, crossing his arms. 

"Bullshit." Peter chuckles darkly, murmuring under his breath, although it's clear he meant for it to be heard loud and clear. 

"Oh and how would you know, Peter, enlighten me? Coming from the man who can't make up his mind, right?" Miguel sits up a little taller, moving his head to make eye contact with Peter. 

"Mig...please..." You murmur, heartbeat starting to pick up, placing your hand on his thigh. 

"You immediately fall back on Plan B when Plan A didn't work out. You just figure, "I'll go shoot my shot, doesn't matter she's already seeing someone else and trying to move on, what the hell." Peter makes air quotes with his fingers in a mocking manner. "Yeah, I was just engaged to someone else literally 48 hours ago, but let me run away to Paradise to solve all my problems." 

"First off, you're the one who fumbled her the minute you decided to go down on Dana. And second of all, she did that on her own free will. You can't stand that she chose me. Well guess what, not my fault I'm here to fix what you broke." Miguel smirks a little at the last statement, happy to rub it in his face. 

George cuts in, "Alright let me say something. Can I say something? Miguel!" 

"What, George?" Miguel sighs, Peter starting to cut in loudly immediately after. 

"Let me talk. I'm speaking!" George starts to raise his voice. 

"George, shut the fuck up!" Peter fires back, standing up. 

"No you shut the fuck up! Fuck this anonymous bullshit, I'll tell it to your face!" George takes three steps forward, only to be stopped by Miguel. 

"Oh what, what, tell me what George?!" Peter nods his head, trying to put on a tough exterior.

"You're a punk and a bum!" 

"Oh woww, really?" Peter's face turns redder by the minute. At this point, Ben stands in front of Peter, trying to talk him down to no avail while George continues poking the bear. 

"You're a bitch!" 

"Oh yeah? What else, what else, tough guy huh?!" Peter shouts, clashing with Ben who's fighting to hold him back. 

George taunts, "You were born a bitch you'll die a bitch, ya mother's a bitch...

"Don't fucking bring up my mother!!" Peter launches forward like a rocket, Ben losing the battle as George rattles on, jutting his pointer finger out to punctuate each of his sentences as he relishes in the rise he's getting out of Peter. 

"....ya father's a bitch, everything about this guy, this guy right here! Yeah, he's a little bitch!" 

"FUCK THIS GUY!!!!" Peter snarls, doing his best to overpower Ben who's using his whole bodyweight to restrain him, while security sluggishly clamors to the scene when it's clear that Peter won't let up. Miguel tries to come to Ben's rescue once again.

"Don't you FUCKING touch me!"Peter growls at Miguel.

Miguel glares but backs off for now, Ben murmuring he's okay, patting Miguel's chest as they slowly go back to their seats, letting security plant Peter back in his spot. 

Jason clears his throat, straightening his suit jacket nervously. "Alright, alright....let's keep this clean, gents...." 

He nods towards James to keep it going.   

"Ben." James calls out.  

Ben exhales as he sits down in his seat, bracing himself for the potential brutality of this one. 

"Ben, after everything we've been through, I would've thought you would have had my back better than that. Honestly, I'm disappointed in how someone I considered a friend for so many years, would jump ship so quickly to defend someone else. You abandoned me when I needed you." 

"Alright..." Ben interrupts, standing up, already knowing who the author is this time as he looks directly at Peter B. 

"I am a good friend, Peter. I don't care what you say, I think most of the guys here can back me up when I say: I am a good friend. "

He pauses. 

"But I will not be a yes man. I won't just sit there and tell you everything you wanna hear just because you're my boy..." 

Peter looks at him, an unreadable expression on his face. 

"I'm sorry, but I'm not gonna back you up when you're the one in the wrong this time." Ben concludes. 

"Great...great. Noted." Peter B. mutters, chuckling non-humorously. 

"Oh, and whoever said that about Felicia being a gold digger, mind your business. I don't give a fuck." Ben adds as he sits down in a huff. 

The tension between everyone is dialed up to uncomfortable levels, but the confessions continue. James clicks his tongue nervously. "Okay...let's go on, shall we...." He unrolls the next slip of paper between his fingers and reads it aloud. 

"Miguel. Stop being a pussy and tell y/n how you feel. You've done a lot to redeem yourself, but you can't stop there. Take her on a date. Make her feel special. After everything you put her through, you owe it to her to be really honest with your feelings. How are you going to deal with the long distance and your mother disliking her outside of this? Are you sure you're not here just because things didn't work out with Xina? Are you ready to actually propose and give her the ring she deserves? These are the hard questions you should be asking yourself." 

Your lips part a little bit, a mixture of anxiety, gratitude, and nervousness at this truth bomb. These were things you've been meaning to discuss with Miguel eventually, you just weren't sure when the right time would be, still teetering on the ledge, not sure when it felt right to jump back into something with him.  

But you couldn't lie that you felt yourself getting closer and closer to making the leap. Your mind floods with a million thoughts as you decide to focus your attention on the crackling bonfire in front of you instead. 

Miguel clenches his jaw and nods solemnly, keeping his body turned towards yours as the same barrage of thoughts invade his mind.

The John or Jane Doe was right. If tonight's truth telling session doesn't end in a complete shit storm, another shit storm with an impending rose ceremony certainly would increase the stakes. He's got to act soon if he doesn't want to lose you yet again. 

"Amen!" Felicia says a little loudly, nodding in agreement and clapping her hands together.

Jason and James smile, saving the best for last. 

"MJ..." 

Ah, the big finale. 

"Today at the beach, when you left upset, George put his hand on the surf instructor's ass. He was flirting with her and she was touching his arm and chest while they were talking. When you left crying at the club, George made out with two girls. He was also dancing and grinding with multiple mystery women. He also held a girl's hand and took down her number. Multiple people on this beach know. Therefore, you should know the truth." 

MJ bolts up, snatching the piece of paper from James' hands before he can stop her, reading it over and over with her blue eyes a frenzy with shaky hands.

"......who the fuck wrote this?" Her eyes are now venom, boring into every single person sitting around the fire. You and Felicia are shaking, scared to speak up. 

"Now..." James tries to take the slip of paper from MJ. "that's not how this works. All confessions are supposed to be confidential." 

"I don't give a fuck, WHO WROTE THIS?" MJ cuts him off sharply and dodging him. She decides to take things into her own hands when nobody speaks up. 

"What Felicia, you're mad I told the truth about you and Ben so this is your way of getting back at me?" 

"What??" Felicia's eyebrows furrow in anger and confusion. 

"This is your way of getting back at me?!" She repeats taking a few steps closer to where you're sitting. 

"Are you fucking kidding me MJ?" Felicia stands up. "How the fuck was I supposed to know you'd write some bullshit about me and Ben? Why are you even bringing me and Ben up anyways? Who fucking asked you??"

She smirks when MJ gets dangerously close,

"Oh, what, now you got balls all of a sudden? Step up, then." 

"Don't yell at me, honey, don't." MJ warns through clenched teeth. 

"For someone who seriously begged, BEGGED to my best friend..." She gestures to you.

"....if you know something tell me, if you know something tell me. Telling people, 'let me know if George is flirting with other girls'....." Felicia tries to continue. 

"And funny how those people become pussies all of a sudden!" MJ spews back. "I don't like you-" 

"Really, you don't like me, all because I came to you as a woman and told you about your men??" Felicia gets in MJ's face, gesturing to George and Peter B. 

"And you can't tell me to my face! So who wrote the note, you two?" She points at you and Felicia, keeping her finger dangerously close to Felicia's face. 

"I'll tell it to your face, matter of fact I'll hit you in your fucking face right now!" Felicia yells. 

"I'll hit you in your face too!" MJ sasses back. Without another word Felicia smacks MJ in the face, dragging her down by her hair in the sand, MJ grunting, arms flailing trying to scratch at Felicia's arms.

George rushes forward trying to get in the middle as they screech and struggle. You come running to Felicia's side as MJ gets up, becoming temporarily blinded when she kicks up some sand that flies past Felicia and almost hits you in the eyes. She gets in one good shot to Felicia's face, Felicia being accidentally sandwiched between you and George when you fall forwards into her. 

George holds Felicia in place while MJ pathetically tries to keep swinging at Felicia over George's shoulder, none of them landing as Felicia squirms ferociously in his grasp. 

"Let her go! Let her go!!!"

You try to lunge at MJ but she's being almost completely shielded by George. You try to encourage George to release Felicia instead by clawing at his face and pounding your fist into his arm, your comparatively smaller frame no match for his, but your frantic movements are distracting enough that he loosens his grip and the entire group falls to the ground in a clobbered mess while security tries to intervene. 

"Stop!! Stop!!" 

Ben and Miguel are now added to the fray, trying to retrieve you and Felicia who are in a tangled mess on top of each other while George fishes for MJ. 

"Alright, alright SHUT THE FUCK UP, that's it!" George yells at you and Felicia. 

"MJ, we were just trying to watch out for you!" You yell out of breath, your clothes askew and one of your tits in serious danger of falling out of your bikini cups. You lean to the side, trying to throw your words at George and MJ past Miguel and Ben who are both trying to block you now, creating a shield. 

"Oh really, this is watching out for me? How pathetic. Can't even be honest with me to my face. You both can kiss my ass." MJ finally breaks free, rolling her eyes and scoffing, small scratch marks on her face from Felicia's nails that have begun to bleed. 

"I said: shut the FUCK up, it's done, nobody gives a fuck!" George booms over the commotion. "Y/N, your relationships are all fucked up, and Felicia's jealous, so now you and your little sidekick got nothing better to do but try and bring us down!" 

"What the hell?! I don't give a fuck, George! You wanna sit there and put me on blast go ahead!!!" You enunciate each word with loud claps of your hands, darting forward like a madwoman, shoving George with all your might as the veins bulge in his neck as he tries to keep a lid on his temper. 

"We didn't do anything wrong!! I was just trying to watch out for MJ because MJ doesn't have a single friend on this beach!" You yell.

"Yeah and I thought you were mine." MJ waves you off sarcastically, trying to fix her knotted hair. 

"And you, you started this bro!" George shifts his attention to Peter B. "You fucking started it, little bitch boy!" He furiously strides towards Peter B. who's already up and ready, Ben jumps up, throwing himself in the middle yet again, stumbling backwards and being practically steamrolled by George's bulking frame.

"Whoa whoa whoa!!! FELLAS!"

Miguel yells, "Hey!" sprinting to Ben's aid once again. Ben is bulldozed to the ground with a yelp as George and Peter B. start coming to blows. 

Peter hisses as George hurls his fists, ducking and trying to go for his torso, yet George slides through his hands like a bar of soap. 

Peter tries to gain the upper hand, struggling with their hands on each other shoulders, locked in a stalemate as George's face turns bright red, Peter wincing under George's formidable strength as he struggles to hold his own, both his build and his height overpowered by him. 

Two enormous security guards weave their way in, one of them curling their bicep around  George's neck to pry him away. He begins yelling like a madman, hitting his chest in frustration like a gorilla, high off testosterone and adrenaline, and an additional two guards to push him backwards.

"Let me at him! LET ME AT THE SON OF A BITCH!" 

Meanwhile, Miguel and Ben rush to hold back Peter who's already trying to charge at George for another round.

As soon as Peter notices Miguel approaching, his anger is reignited all over again, "YOU!!" 

He puts his head down and charges at Miguel. 

Miguel grunts as he catches Peter around the torso, being knocked backwards from the force, both men struggle as Peter pushes him further and further down the beach towards the water, yelling when Peter lands two punches in the middle of Miguel's stomach, knocking the wind out of him. 

"Peter STOP!" You scream, face widened in horror at the sight of Miguel being attacked. 

Miguel wheezes in pain but is doing a good job of holding him off, however, you can tell Miguel's definitely holding back as he struggles with Peter in the water, since he could absolutely destroy him if he wanted to. 

Ben tries to run towards the struggling pair but slips in the wet sand, falling down on his face. 

Finally, when Peter shows that he's not giving up, Miguel locks in, furrowing his brow with a guttural yell, teeth clenched, face burning red as he practically launches Peter 10 feet in the air, with Peter making an enormous splash in the water, spluttering incoherently as the salty water burns his eyes, his whole outfit soaked and wet sand in every crevice. 

"Stay the fuck away from me." Miguel seethes, breathing deeply as he slowly backs away from a bewildered Peter.

The security team trots down the beach, helping Peter get out of the water. Peter rips his arm away from one of the guards in fuming embarrassment and anger as he snarls at them that he can walk himself.

"And don't forget: she chose me!!" Miguel calls after him, panting, unable to resist sticking it to him one more time. 

You run up to Miguel, out of breath, not minding his wet polo or shorts as you sweep him into a hug, tears running down your face out of concern. Miguel sighs and holds you close. 

"I'm okay..." 

"Thank God..." You whisper, closing your eyes and leaning into his chest. 

Security is shepherding George and MJ into separate locations, MJ giving his hand a squeeze before they take him away, seemingly sticking by his side in utter clownery even after all the allegations. 

You and Miguel find Felicia and Ben sitting by the fire, sitting down next to her and giving her a hug while Jason and James talk with the producers, shaking their heads with exasperated voices. 

Jason finally storms off to the side to go have a cigarette after realizing this group can't go more than 24 hours without a world war explosion. 

"You okay?" You ask Felicia, looking over her. Even though MJ got in one good punch, she didn't leave a mark, compared to MJ's scratched up face and bird's nest hair. 

"What do you need, water, food, ice?" You wave your hand at a producer passing by, stealing a cold water bottle and a bag of mini Oreos, holding the cold bottle against her head. 

"I'm fine." Felicia sighs. "I feel so bad right now..." 

"Why??" You ask her, opening the bag of cookies and popping one in her mouth, nursing her back to health. 

"We were just trying to look out for the girl. She's not being a good friend right now and if anything she should be the one who feels bad. She finds out we wrote the note and she's more mad at us than her cheating ass man? That makes no fucking sense to me. If they're gonna stay together after this, they're the clowns. Not us." 

Felicia sighs and nods, eating her cookies thoughtfully as she leans on your shoulder. 

"What happens now?" Ben asks quietly, looking at the scene that's starting to slowly simmer down with the aftermath. 

"Well, Jason's gone. James is nowhere to be found." Miguel stands up. "I think we should call it." 

"Where are you going?" You look up, reaching out to Miguel. "I don't want you going back over there alone..." You look in Peter's direction. 

Miguel's eyes soften at you. "Come with me?" 

You turn to Felicia and Ben. "I've got her." Ben reassures, wrapping a blanket around her. "You guys go on. Have a good night." 

"G'night bestie." 

"Love you!" 

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You and Miguel walk in silence, your arm wrapped around his waist and your head leaned against him, one of his arms draped around your shoulders, holding you close. 

Miguel smiles shyly, "So, uh,....you were really worried about me back there, weren't you?" 

"Course I was." You answer, shuddering a little at the memory of the fight and the look on Peter's face.

"The last thing I wanted was for you to get hurt."

Miguel hums and gives your shoulder a squeeze and a rub. "I appreciate that." 

"Of course." 

He pauses, letting the quiet sounds of the nighttime crickets and croaks from the tropics' wildlife drown the silence for several moments. "And about whoever wrote that confession towards me, you know, the one about how I need to step up and be better towards you...." 

You both stop walking, turning to look at each other. Miguel takes his hands in yours. "They're right, whoever they are." 

You give him a hopeful smile, letting him continue.

"I am gonna be better...at telling you how I feel and making sure I'm there for you. I know next week is Fairytale Suites, and I don't want another rerun of what happened last time." He holds both of your hands in his and takes a deep breath, before he speaks honestly. 

"You are my endgame. That's all I want at the end of this is you, and me, walking away from this together." 

You break out into a full on smile now, the corners of your eyes softening in adoration at this confession. 

"I know an engagement sounds crazy in just a week, but even if we don't get to that point, I'm okay with it. I just want this with us, you and me....so badly. If I have to wait, then I'm willing to do that."

He looks seriously at you, leaning down a little bit so his eyes can stay locked on yours. "And I don't care about long distance, what my mom is gonna say, and all that, we can sort through that later.... I'm willing to fight for this. What are you thinking? Please tell me...?"

"Miguel...." You look down, running your thumbs over the back of his hands pensively. "I mean...an engagement is kind of a big step..." You ponder for a moment. "There's so much we need to talk about before we can even consider taking that step if I'm being honest." 

"I know..." Miguel whispers. 

"Well..." You think deeply, before proposing an idea. 

"Maybe we can start with a rose, for now? Tackle all the hard questions when we have the fairytale suites and all day and night to talk about it?" You grin up at him. 

Miguel chuckles, bringing one of his hands to your cheek. You follow his touch, holding his arm as you look into each other's eyes.

"You want to claim my rose early?" 

You nod, smiling, "Course I do...unless you think someone else has a chance," you tease, lightly poking him in the belly. "We'll start there and see what happens?"

"Not at all. I'm looking right at her." Miguel smiles. "We sure will..." 

He brings you in for a hug, letting out a huge sigh of relief. "Thank you...you don't know how happy I am right now about all of this." 

He looks around until his eyes land on a small hibiscus blossom. 

"I know it's not a rose..."

You giggle, bringing your hands to your mouth as he gets down on one knee, with a dazzling smile, offering it to you as he whispers your name. 

"Will you accept this...flower? And be mine from this night going forward?"

You nod, beaming as you take his hands as he stands up, gingerly placing the blossom behind your left ear. 

You sigh and plant your chin against his chest, "But I swear to God, Miguel...you lead me on..." 

Miguel laughs breathlessly, cupping your face, "Baby I swear..." 

"You mess with me, cheat on me, go behind my back or let me down for the millionth time I will murder you. I swear to God I'll murder you and go to prison for the rest of my life, you break my heart again." 

"I won't baby..."

He doesn't say anything else, just brings his lips against yours in a loving kiss, for the first time in months. You sigh and wrap your arms around his neck, re-acquainting yourself with his warmth, with his mouth, his face, the feeling of being so close to this man you once loved, letting the buried affection you harbored underneath the surface come back to life as you hold each other underneath the glowing moon of paradise with the tropic winds weaving all around you. The future uncertain but one thing you both knew for sure as of tonight, 

"It's you and me..." 

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Jason Donner speaks in a voiceover: "Stay tuned for another drama-packed episode of Singles in Paradise!" 

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[deoidesign]

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#ok finally making a post about meds #I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without' #I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk. #can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset #so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but #it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways #so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone #like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work... #for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well! #it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus #my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night #sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired #it was more something that I just did because I had to. #but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end... #I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too. #but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted #but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk. #anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too #but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared #so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow #anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING #that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up #I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world #and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better. #but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on #and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much. #and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so... #I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better. #and I'm just crying because of all this combined. #I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!

[choso-ish]

Twilight's Embrace

--Suguru Geto x gn! reader

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

. ݁ ⟡ ݁ Summary: Attempting to break through Suguru's emotional barriers turns into a reminder of the fading relationship between you both.

. ݁ ⟡ ݁ Word count: 1.2k

. ݁ ⟡ ݁ Warnings: Arguing, a bit of physical harm (slapping a hand), angst

. ݁ ⟡ ݁ A/N: This is definitely not my best, but I feel like since I want to get something out on Tumblr, I should just go ahead and post this. Didn't edit this much so if you see anything that doesn't make sense or isn't grammatically correct, no you didn't. Also, please send requests because your girl cannot think of prompts fast enough </3 thx!!

“You deserve someone better.” 

The dim rays of moonlight that shone through the curtains cast an eerie sheen on his face. It allowed you to see him in a manner you never thought you would before. No student, no man; just your lover eroding into something less than human. But no, he was never human, was he? He was a Jujutsu sorcerer. 

How damn long had you been ignoring all the signs? Frail arms, dark circles, greasy hair which you’d never even seen unneat before; they were all individual puzzle pieces that, when put in place, created one, coherent picture: Suguru was struggling. 

When you first realized something was wrong, you tried to brush it off, knowing his workload. He wasn’t one to often talk about his personal struggles, but he had mentioned frequently how he was less than fond of his curse consumption. You didn’t blame him. You just wish you had caught the difference between a bad few days, a bad few weeks, even, and a change that was devouring the man you loved whole. 

Confrontation was more difficult than you had originally anticipated. You pointed all the signs out to him with worry yet coherence, trying to ensure that he wouldn’t brush you off or create a lousy excuse for himself.

However rejection, him casually slipping into conversation that he wasn’t the one meant for you – that was the last thing you expected. 

You lived off him like a drug, as he did with you. You both knew it, you both experienced it every day, in small ways. Quiet showers holding each other under the hot water, intimate eye contact before tender kisses, stupid conversations while trying to fall asleep as he brushed the hair out of your face; they were minute, but they were things you never had done and never would do with anyone else – you were sure of it. 

So where was this all coming from? 

“...I don’t understand.” you murmured after a pregnant pause, unknowing of what to say or how to feel. Waves of your emotions rolled back, deserting the abyss of sand below.  “No, I don't deserve anyone else. I really don’t get where this is coming from.” a small, nervous laugh left lips as you added: “I love you, and I know you love me, too.” 

He ran a hand through his scalp of straggly hair, a sharp exhale resounding throughout the room. “Yeah, I do.” His expression was so cold that he looked like one of the marble sculptures you’d admire in museums together, completely lifeless and unchanging. HIs jaw flexed, clenching tightly. 

“And?” you questioned after a few moments of silence, waiting for him to elaborate. His unresponsiveness was more than unnerving. 

“And?” Suguru echoed, lips pressing together firmly. His body language was that of a man who had given up trying to find peace – he acted reserved but was so open about his cold, emptiness. How long had it been so bad? Your eyebrows furrowed, the annoyance in your veins starting to boil up into something a bit hotter than you’d prefer. 

“What do you mean, ‘and?’ Look,” you sigh, trying to calm yourself. Be considerate of how he’s been feeling. Don’t go over the top and worsen the situation.

“I need you to open up to me, Suguru. Stuff has been off with you for days, even weeks. I haven’t heard about school aside from your casual ‘it’s going well,’ and it’s actually concerning the shit out of me. You’re off.” you frown, but your expression quickly softens again. “What’s up with you? Talk to me,” you pause. “Please.” 

His breath hitched, and for a moment, and wanted to break the shell and just spill his all out to you. You saw it reflected in his expression, and it gave you a flicker of hope, too. 

But he couldn’t open up, not right now. So instead, as usual, he chose to deflect. 

“I’m fine.” he replied dryly. 

You wanted to rip your hair out. 

“No you aren’t,” you retorted. “You aren’t and it’s so fucking obvious. You can even see it just looking at you. I’m tired of you saying it’s not how it is, because I know you. And last night, Satoru told me that you didn’t go out to dinner with him and the others. You never ditch, so don’t even try to act like I’m stupid enough to let this slide.” you warn. 

“Satoru told you that?” his muscles tensed, followed by a long pause.

“I just needed some time alone, that’s all. What’s so wrong with that?” the ice in his voice cracked. 

“But why did you need time alone?” you push, your desperation becoming more apparent. 

“What does it matter?” He was always so damn stubborn. “It’s not like I need a reason. Sometimes, I just need to clear my head, you know?” he shot back.

The air of deception was thick enough to choke on. 

You let out a deep sigh, resting your head in your hand before patting the spot on the bed next to you. “Suguru, I’m dead serious, just come here and let’s–” 

“-Let’s what?” your head quickly raised to meet his eyes from across the room. He had never looked at you like that, or even used that tone. He knew you knew something was wrong, that was mutual. He was just downright refusing at this point.

“Let’s talk?” he scowls. “Not everything regards you right now, y/n. I’m allowed to have my own issues, and I’m allowed to keep them to myself.” 

“But I’m your partner, and we’re supposed to share things that’s going on so we can help each other.”, you tighten your lips, approaching him carefully and reaching out to grab his hand. “Come on, just help me out. Help yourself out and–” 

You're stopped short for the second time as he smacks your hand away, eyebrows furrowed almost menacingly. He would never get physical with you, even in your wildest nightmares. You thought that he shared those same morals and fears about hurting you, too. 

Maybe he did, until now. You preferred to think it was just a bad moment. 

His facial muscles relax, almost in shock of himself, as he makes sense of both your expression and his actions from moments prior. He stares at you vacantly before turning his head away, pressing his nails into his palms.

You could've sworn that the pressure he was using was enough to draw blood. 

"I'm sorry," he murmured quietly, bringing his palm up to his jaw and running his fingers along his cheeks. He released a long sigh and closed his eyes. It was rare for him to say anything in acknowledgment of his ill deeds, so you knew he meant it this time. 

However, the apology was far from soothing, and failed to alleviate your shock or sense of discomfort. It was as if a numbness rushed through you; his sudden actions were so out of character for him that you almost felt sick. 

He carefully approached the foyer and opened the door. His eyes caught yours for a brief second before he looked away. You heard the click of the wood shutting in place as he exited, creating a rift between the two of you that you were sure would take more than you could provide to bridge. 

You let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding in, sat down on the bed with a glazed expression, and cried. 

How swiftly it had become yet another night with only the moon offering its consolation.  

likes/reblogs/comments are more than appreciated! thank you so much for reading to the end on my first post :D

©choso-ish. please do not repost, plagiarize, or translate my works.

#jjk x reader #geto x reader #suguru x reader #suguru geto x reader #geto suguru #geto suguru angst #suguru geto angst #jjk angst #jjk x reader angst #geto angst #choso-ish #jujustu kaisen

[honeipie]

THE WIFE

izuku midoryia x reader

synopsis: you’ve been asked to do an interview after your husbands cute little story blew up. now it’s your turn to express your love for him

authors note: to the anon who did the ask i am SO SORRY. i posted it by accident then fucking deleted it in a panic.. don’t worry though i got the gist of it! for the people who don't know it was getting the reader's POV of how they fell in love with izuku as well. also sorry if i went a little off track. i js wanted to give reader a lil opinion and personality ☺️

you can find part one here

this was out of your comfort zone.

you sat in a plush chair across from a woman who was currently fiddling with the microphones. your husband izuku had done an interview with a popular podcast about a month ago. it wasn’t only popular because he was the number one hero. there was a charm to the episode that others couldn’t fake. the way he talked about you as if you showed him colors for the first time. everyone loved it.

now people really wanted to get into the lives of the midoryia’s, which included you. about a week ago you had gotten an offer to be on another podcast. you made sure to check out some of her work before you leaped into it.

the host's name was aiya, and she was absolutely amazing. not only were you laughing with the one episode you did listen to, but so did izuku since he was kind enough to watch with you.

"are you ready mrs. midoryia?" aiya asked going to put on the headphones. taking your own set of headphones, you placed them on as well.

"i am! plus you can just call me y/n. i really don't mind"

"thanks for letting me know," she clicked a button on her computer which started the camera up "hello everyone! it's aiya here! on this special episode we have the wonderful, and very lovely y/n midoryia in the building"

you gave a shy smile and waved to the camera "hello everyone!" you faced the aiya letting her smile ease your tensions "i just wanted to say thank you before we start. not only for inviting me on your podcast, but just being so respectful and kind as well"

aiya nodded placing both hands over her heart "you're just too kind! but girl you don't have to thank me for doing the bare minimum"

"no i really do have to. because there are a lot of other people out here that i've talked to and are not as professional and sweet like you. it's really crazy" you shook your head when you heard yourself start to get off topic "i'm sorry i don't want to control this whole interview. i think i got the rambling from my husband through the years"

both you and aiya laughed at your statement.

"don't worry about it! this is not a place where i will every cut you off from rambling, seriously. plus i want to get into some of that as well. what is your experience with the whole ‘being a wife of the number one hero’ thing? like you said before people can be unusually cruel to you for absolutely no reason"

you scoffed dramatically making aiya laugh.

"so when people ask me this in person, which has never happened ever" you made direct eye contact with the camera before turning back. this had aiya laughing more now than before "being married to izuku is great, but being married to deku can be.. iffy on my end. does that make sense?”

"yes and no"

"okay so what i mean is that being deku's wife is stressful. not only because of the major backlash that i get from the internet, tabloids, and gossip shows, but also because of my safety. the backlash is something that doesn't go away but gets easier as time goes on. for me it was easier to just laugh at how stupid they are. like one article called me fat, cool, but then another one from the same company called me pile of bones skinny" you tilted you head slapping one hand down on your thigh "now you just look fucking stupid because you can't pick one and clearly can't run a business. cause like how didn't you know that both of these articles were coming out?" you shook your head "they piss me off more than make me upset"

aiya listened carefully letting you go on with your rant.

"but when i say i love being izuku’s wife i really mean it. i love that man more than i love anyone else. i love the way he looks when he wakes up in the morning. i love the way he gets excited every time we see cows when we're driving. he is who i was meant to be with and i believe that with my whole heart. i see deku and izuku as two totally different people because i get to see it from both perspectives. i can understand how some people might not understand where i’m coming from with this and that’s okay. this is just how i’ve been able to express the way i feel about the whole situation”

“wow.. thank you so much for sharing your point of view on things. i hope this really opens the eyes to some of the haters out there”

“ugh me too” you played with the ring on your finger “i feel bad now. when this episode airs i can just imagine what he’s gonna say, ‘oh so my episode was me spewing my undying love for you and all i get is i hate my husband?’”

the two of you laughed thinking about it.

“no, but we’ve seriously talked about it before and he understands where i’m coming from. i love that he’s so understanding about everything”

“speaking of love,” aiya pulled out a piece of paper coming from her lap “we’ve got questions”

you clapped your hands together excitedly.

“oh! hit me”

“okay so of course deku did a podcast episode where he made all of us singles jealous by describing the moment he fell in love with you. so now people are wondering what was the moment you fell in love with him?”

you had been preparing for this question ever since you read the email.

“i actually fell in love with izuku pretty early in our relationship. maybe like a month in? i’ve honestly had a crush on him since year one, but we never got the chance to interact.”

it was early off in your third year when you had come down with a bad fever. the only reason you could assume the sickness took over you was because everyone had just moved back into the dorms. bringing whatever kind of diseases they wanted back.

“hi izuku”

the phone was placed on the pillow beside your head. you didn’t have enough energy to hold it up. hell, you’re surprised you even had enough energy to accept the call. everything on your body was just hot. they only thing you felt you needed was a cold compress on your forehead, but getting up just wasn’t an option at the moment.

“y/n you’re making me worried. are you sure you don’t need recovery girl?”

“i should be okay,” you stopped in the middle of your sentence to take in a long breath “plus i don’t think she could help with what i have anyway”

izuku was slipping on his training uniform as he was talking to you. he didn’t know if you could hear yourself, or if you even cared, but he could probably picture what you looked like. comforter thrown to the floor. medicine bottles scattered on your dresser and not knowing which one to choose.

“are you sure you don’t need anything?”

“i should be fine izu. just focus on- on training for the festival. bye now”

izuku had wanted to get a couple more sentences in to ease his anxiety, but you quickly hung up the phone without a second thought.

once you found yourself a semi-comfortable position you took the chance of drifting off to sleep.

the nap lasted about thirty minutes before you woke up to the feeling of a cold compress being laid onto your forehead. slowly, your eyes opened to reveal your boyfriend making sure it was in the right spot.

“izu” you mumbled going to sit up but he placed his hands on your shoulders laying you back down.

“nope, you’re resting”

he still had his training uniform on from the time you had called him.

“but you shouldn’t be here. you should be training”

the newfound coolness on your forehead felt amazing, and part of you wished he had came sooner.

“i can take a day or two off. it’s fine”

you shook your head gently.

“i don’t want you to miss it because of me”

“y/n are you me?”

“no”

“are you my teacher?”

“no, but-“

“then don’t worry about it. your health means more to me than training. i’ve been working hard for the past two years, so if i have to take a day or two off to take care of my girlfriend then i’m jumping at the opportunity”

it was right then and there you felt some of the weight lift of your shoulders. this felt like confirmation of what you had assumed you were feeling from the moment you first saw him.

you loved him.

you loved him so, so much.

taglist! @sagejin 🫶🏾

lmk if you’d like to be added

#honeipie #anime #bnha x reader #mha #writing #x reader #drabble #izuku x reader #izuku midoriya #mha izuku #bnha izuku #deku x reader #mha deku #bnha deku #my hero academia #bnha #izuku midoryia x you

[sysmedsaresexist]

I spoke with Colin Ross again.

The original post, for those who missed it.

This is going to be really disjointed and rough. I've been put in a really weird position and I want to just... talk about it. This is okay to reblog, I'm sure there's pro/endos that have been waiting for this. Unfortunately, it's going to be attached to a vent.

Sadly, talking to him brought up a lot of bad feelings. I'm still so sad to see so many people turn on me. I'm disappointed that there was so much pushback. I'm disgusted by people's hypocrisy.

People wanted to know why I wasn't posting my side of the emails to Colin Ross, they tried to say he didn't believe those things anymore.

So I emailed him again, recapping our previous conversations, and asking him if he still believed in non traumagenic plurality.

And he responded that he does.

I thought I could post it, and that would be the end of it. Proving we had spoken before, confirming the topics discussed. But in my email to him, I shared what I've been doing since I last spoke with him, what prompted me to reach out to him again. The same thing that stopped me from posting my side of the emails originally. I wasn't entirely honest with him, either. I don't think I would have gotten a response if I had talked about tumblr.

And I'm simultaneously so excited and so scared.

This is a man that, in a very vague sense, formed a mentor/professional relationship with me. Our interaction overall was brief, but it was exciting to discuss his work with him, ask him questions that had been bothering me-- I told him about myself, my educational and work background. I used my real email and name. My real school. He's Canadian, we talked about it. I shared real details of my life, and while it wasn't necessarily in confidence, I don't think he would appreciate knowing that I've shared his personal thoughts and emails on tumblr, of all places. I'm not lying or hiding anything in my side of the conversation.

I'm scared.

I'm terrified to post anything that could be linked to me. Even posting this, I'm like, "can people like... reverse edit my picture and get my email?" I genuinely don't know.

I worry about posting the full screenshots with his email, knowing people won't believe me if I don't, but not wanting to have these ridiculously immature people in his inbox. I have encouraged people since day one to find his email themselves and reach out. I figure that the only people who would put in that work are the people who genuinely want to learn.

But then I realized that there are people that could ruin the relationship I made with him.

People that could make it so that I can never contact him in this way again.

People could use this to find me, if they get Colin Ross talking. (The rational part of my brain says he's smart enough not to give someone else my name, but goddamn, some of you people are actually dangerous)

There are people that want to do that to me. People that hate that I even brought a professional into this conversation. And I get it. I sat on the original conversation for almost three years, remember?

It's really scary to admit you're wrong, that you've been close-minded and hardheaded. It's scary to confront your bias and actions.

But having him respond to me... I feel so lucky? Not that Colin Ross is a saint, but how often do you get to meet someone like him? How often do you have a chance to take advantage of a professional contact that seems willing and happy to have these kinds of conversations with you? Three years later and he remembered me. He took the time to answer me, again.

I don't want to fuck that up.

So I thought about reaching out to certain people, showing them the entire set of emails without any blockout and having them vouch for the authenticity.

Then I realized that I wouldn't trust any of you anti endogenic systems with any of my information after how you've all behaved.

And I realized that none of you are going to change your minds, no matter what I show you, and I'd rather to maintain my professional relationships than put any more effort into any of you.

And I know if I wait too long to post this, people will call it fake, so I either need to go ahead and make this post or just kind of let it disappear into obscurity.

It's so important, though.

Isn't it?

I can't tell anymore.

#syscourse #not syscourse #pro syscourse conversation #pro endo #pro endogenic #anti endo #anti endogenic #cdd #cdd system #did #osdd #osddid #debunk #vent #okay to reblog #actually traumagenic #actually plural #plurality #pro system #pro respect

[mothhball]

Prologue

JONATHAN CRANE X FEM!READER

summary Your mentor is unhappy with your career choices. But her worries only serve to make you more curious.

warnings none! this is just a little prologue

notes a little intro to kick things off. I'll shortly post the first chapter as well haha Also, Potomac is just a name I borrowed from the DC universe. I know it's different in the comics, so don't shoot me please <3

! MINORS DNI !

story masterlist • main masterlist • taglist • kofi word count: 1.1k

“Look… I just don’t get why you wouldn’t want to go back to Potomac. From what I’ve read in your sophomore internship review, Dr. Rabin was genuinely impressed with you and said he’d be excited to have you back for the Senior internship. What happened? I – I would’ve understood anything, really. But Arkham? You really applied there?”

Professor Campbell’s office is a time capsule. A familiar, cozy environment that you’ve been inhabiting for a whole hour per week since the start of the last semester. Decorated with undemanding potted plants and cheesy motivational posters on the walls around you. The smell of paper and hibiscus hangs in the dry air, warmed up to an almost uncomfortable temperature by the ever-running radiator mounted to the wall. Usually, your presence in this room is accompanied by a sense of inner peace. One hour per week during which you’re allowed to fantasize about a glowing future as you sit in front of your academic mentor. But today, the tiny woman with the prominent smile lines is looking at you with thinly-veiled indignation. It’s an ugly expression on her, you decide. People like Campbell are better off smiling and laughing, like the human embodiment of a Golden Retriever.

You shift in your seat, resisting the urge to gesture with your hands to avoid seeming defensive. No, you keep your posture open and inviting on purpose. The body language of a genuine person.

“Potomac Psychiatric Hospital is just not what I want,” you start, speaking gently in an effort to make her emphasize with you. “I need a challenge. I don’t want to hang around rich people with mild cases of burnout all the time.”

Professor Campbell’s face scrunches up with mild displeasure, and you feel the need to quickly correct yourself.

“No offense, of course. But my main interest does lie in… the tough cases. And there are tough cases at Potomac. Jeremiah Arkham himself called his asylum the ‘Ivy League of insanity’. And Dr. Crane used to be a professor here. You knew him, right?”

Campbell flinches, and you could swear you were able to see an expression of genuine fear in her eyes for a fraction of a second. And for that fraction of a second, you were speaking to a prey animal instead of your favorite psychology professor.

“Well… Professor Crane – Doctor Crane was a… well-known member of the faculty. By which I mean everyone knew of him and the kind of seminars he held. Nobody really knew anything about the man aside from his special interest in fear-based disorders and most likely crippling caffeine addiction. Back when I knew him, he was… eccentric to say the least. But he knew what he was teaching about. Students fled his lecture hall as soon as he was done speaking, but he really was a brilliant mind. He was a professor for a reason, after all.”

You nod along to her words, unable to stop that little spark of personal curiosity from growing and festering within you. If everything goes well, you’d be able to witness firsthand how peculiar this man is for the entire summer. Much to her dismay, Campbell’s tales only serve to encourage your decision.

“So, if the two of you knew each other, there’s already a networking opportunity here,” you conclude, folding your hands in your lap.

“Yes but –“

“Also, Arkham is right here in Gotham. I don’t have to rent a new apartment anywhere else, I already know the city, and so on and so forth.” You feel a little bad for cutting her off, but it’s almost ridiculous how much she’s trying to dissuade you from your plans. Campbell doesn’t bother to hide her displeasure anymore, letting out a sigh as she taps a manicured nail against the porcelain of her teacup.

“Listen,” she starts, choosing her words carefully, “we’ve had many students apply to Arkham Asylum for an internship over the years. And those whose spirits didn’t get crushed during the interview were worn down by the work itself. Besides, the influx of applications is monumental. There’s no guarantee that you’ll even get invited to the interview. In my humble opinion, you should write Potomac an email and – “

“I already got invited.” Campbell’s eyes widen, and the silence prompts you to continue. It’s a little difficult to not seem smug as you speak, but you manage. “The interview is this Friday.”

“Friday…” Campbell reaches out for her cup of tea, trying to wash away the bitter taste on her tongue with a mouthful of hibiscus and apple. In that moment, you feel a little bad for the professor. She’s always tried to make time for you and dutifully offered help wherever she could. And in return, you’re acting childish, trying to incite a one-sided contest over an internship. You let out a sigh along with her, shifting in your seat; softening up.

“This is… something that’s really important to me,” you offer, trying to apologize without saying it. “Potomac was a huge help for getting into the swing of things. I… learned a lot about the basics. And for anyone else, that hospital is the perfect match. But I don’t want to graduate, secretly doubting whether I’ll ever be ready for the real work. I know Arkham is a baptism by fire. But it’s what I need.”

Campbell hums in response, stirring a third sugar cube into her tea. It’s just a habit to keep her hands busy at this point. You’re pretty sure the crystals don’t even dissolve anymore.

“Besides,” you continue, smiling at her because you know this will give her at least a shred of hope, “even though I got through to the interview, I might not even get an internship spot. So… this entire conversation might be redundant anyway.”

This gets you the response you were hoping for, and the professor nods thoughtfully as the smile you’re used to returns to her face. She sounds relieved when she answers you.

“If that should happen, I’m sure you could still send an application to Dr. Rabin and he’ll have you on his team in no time at all. Oh, why am I even worrying? You’ll figure it out.”

You nod, feeling in real time how your smile relaxes into something more genuine. Suddenly, the warmth in the room doesn’t feel oppressive anymore. As the mood switches to something more cheerful, the two of you talk some more about your final thesis before you decide to end the conversation on a good note. Campbell rises from her seat along with you, and you mirror her smile, relieved to finally be done with this interrogation. Your mentor heads to the door after you, gently patting your shoulder.

“Let me walk with you. At least until the staff lounge. I need a fresh cup of tea.”

@ellebelleshelby @cilliansprincess @mcumorningstar @x0xomady @mandies24

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#jonathan crane x reader #cillian murphy x reader #jonathan crane x you #jonathan crane x y/n #the scarecrow x reader #scarecrow x reader #cillian murphy #.moth writes

[frankiebirds]

i think there are a few reasons reid is so particularly hostile towards emily post-2x15:

most simply, she was the newest member of the team, and therefore the one he knew the least and could most easily project onto. he doesn't know her well, so it's easiest to construe her actions as whatever he wants them to be in order to have someone to direct his anger at. he'd also feel less bad about attacking her over the other members of the team, who he knows far better (this is not calculated. im saying he needs someone to be angry at and he latches onto the closest person who he knows the least)

she replaced elle. i do ship spencelle (as a tragedy) but even if you take shipping goggles off, i do think they were quite close platonically. and even if you don't think he was close with elle, he definitely feels particularly guilty about her leaving. (he says so out loud with his mouth at the end of 2x6, when he's talking to morgan about the conversation he had with elle shortly before the case took a turn, and starts to obsess over what-ifs until morgan shuts that down). so not only is emily the newest member of the team, she's also replacing someone whose departure he explicitly feels particularly guilty about

she's calling him out on his obvious issues when none of the rest of the team are. ironically, i think its her newness that makes her feel like she can, and her newness that makes him respond so irately. i think the rest of the team feels uncomfortable and unsure of how to act—they know they need to confront him, but they worry about how to go about that without the friendship imploding. i'm not saying "well emily is new and doesn't gaf about him, so she doesn't care if confronting him makes him hate her." she wouldnt confront him if she didn't care about him, but she has less to lose. tying back to the first point, i also think emily being the one to confront him while also being so new to the team lets reid project whatever motivation he wants to onto her in a way he couldn't with the rest of the team. he can pretend she has an ulterior motive and therefor disregard her concern, while that would be a lot harder to do if someone he knew very well did the same. (again—this is not calculated).

i hope this makes sense 😭 i have a Lot of feelings on their friendship (as you can probably tell from my fics about them) and its rocky start. final thing: step 8 and 9 of NA concern making amends with the people you've hurt as a result of your addiction, and i think sometimes about the conversation he probably had with emily when he got to those.

#granted ive also always felt reid probably did a modified version of the NA steps #since a lot of them concern god and religion and that doesnt really seem like his Thing #although i know a lot of people just choose a different “higher power” so. #im rambling now sorry i have so many thoughts in my head #emily prentiss #spencer reid #emily & reid #not fic #criminal minds #criminal minds rewatch #criminal minds s02e17 #distress #character analysis #scene analysis

[condomatsu]

WHAT DOES PROSHIP MEAN?

Hi! Probably my mutuals will see this first too, but if you don't know me: I'm a solkat* obsessed bitch, and also a proshipper. No, that doesn't mean that "I like kids", the label has nothing to do with kids in general. But if you're confused, don't worry! I'm here purposefully to explain all the proship-related labels!

*a ship from Homestuck. I'll sometimes use it as an example.

TABLE OF LABELS ;)

PROSHIP

COMSHIP (darkship)

ANTI-HARASSMENT

ANTI-CENSORSHIP

I suggest to read ALL the sections! I know they're long, but it's for education :D*

DO NOT USE A LABEL YOU DON'T KNOW!

DO NOT GO AGAINST A LABEL YOU DON'T KNOW!

*I started to write it as "indipendent sections that can be read alone (in fact I repeat the concept of "shipping" in both the "proship" and "comship" sections), but then it became bigger, an entire speach. PLEASE READ IT ALL!

PROSHIP

My professor used to say: "if you don't know a word, break and analyze it", so let's do this here too! "Proship" is composed of two parts: "Pro" and "Ship"; "Pro" is a prefix meaning "in favor of", while "ship" is the short of "relationship", used in fandoms to describe a couple of *fictional* characters a fan wants to see together. For example, I *ship* Sollux and Karkat, two characters from Homestuck who aren't actually boyfriends in the comic, but I like to think they are.

People can ship characters together for many reasons, but having fun is at the base of every ship!

Now, proship, by definition, isn't a type of ship nor necesseraly a type of shipper or fan, but rather a type of person. A Proshipper is someone who believes that every ship, of every type, has the right to exist as long as the characters involved are entirely fictional, therefore unable to be hurted.

Proshippers support people who have NOTPs, meaning that if you don't like a ship, for whatever reason, that is A-OKAY! That's good! :D I also personally don't like Davekat and often post about how much I don't like it. Proshippers simply are against the harassment or censorship some shippers and ships get from others who don't like their ships. I don't like Davekat, but people have the right to ship it and no shippers deserve hate or death threats for the simple reason that they like to imagine two characters kissing.

Proshippers, other than having NOTPs, can also not have any ship at all! As long as you don't support harassing real life people over ships, you are, by definition, a Proshipper! You don't support harassment? Welcome in the community then :)

PS: "Profiction" is the same about all types of fiction and fictional stories!

NOTE: Nop, "proship" is NOT a "type of ship", is a label for a person.

COMSHIP

To make it easier, it can also be called as "DARKSHIP". Breaking the OG label down: "Com" stands for "Complex" and "Ship" is the short for "Relationship". "Ship" is used in fandoms to describe a couple of *fictional characters* a fan wants to see together within their *fictional universe*! I personally ship Sollux and Karkat from Homestuck, who aren't actually boyfriends, but I would like them to be, because it makes sense. They're best friends, they chat a lot, they flirt a lot, they care about each other, etc etc. But mind you, there isn't always a reason to ship two/more characters; sometimes is just for the vibes, or just because. It's not important why a person ships something, the very base of shipping is *having fun with it*! Since shipping revolves around a fictional world made of fictional characters, you can have as much fun as you want with it, because it doesn't involve anyone in real life.

Darkshippers do the same! Much like horror movies-enjoyers, Darkshippers like to ship taboo stuff or anything that is more complex than the ideal and healthy type of relationship. It involves incest (shipcest), pedophilia (age gaps), toxic ships and so on. But, like horror movies-enjoyers don't want to kill someone, Darkshippers don't want to rape, groom a child, have a relationship with a relative (nor support it, of course).

If that isn't your boat and actually disgusts you, that's understandable! I really, really hate "drunk kisses/sex" and everything involved with it, it's horrible honestly. You can be not a Darkshipper, but you can be Proship! Meaning that you don't come after the Darkshippers, you don't harass them and you don't support who does. Do it, and I can assure you, you and the Darkshippers will be fine and live peacefully together :D

PS: if you want to avoid that stuff, you can block tags or people! No one will be angry at you if you cure your space online. Take care of yourself <3

THE FALSE ALLEGATIONS: As I explained, NO darkshipper supports what they ship in real life, nor it's "more likely that they'll accept it if they indulge in it". As I said, darkshippers are more similar to horror/thriller enjoyers than pedophilies and groomers, because it's catharthic! That is also the reason why darkshippers tend to be traumatizzed people who need ot vent. Shipping something taboo can be a coping mechanism: feeling less alone and comforted, or explore what they're feeling or what happened in a safe environment. Your head is a safe place, you can think whatever you want! Basically, more often than not, vent art/fiction with taboo topics are a big steam of consciousness where the victim processes their own mind. It IS suggested by many therapists (like 4/4 therapists of mine confirmed me that it is healthy to cope throught fiction) for the simple catharsis in a safe place fact. Not dissimilar to those jails where prisoners are allowed to play violent videogames to reduce their levels of stress and actual violence. «What if they're actually, secretly a pedophile?» do you prefer a pedo to jerk off to an image of a loli or a photo of a real kid? Also, remember that most pedos are ex-victim of pedophilia as well, that they hate themselves already and want to die. Please, help them get therapy instead of fucking tell them to kill themselves. «What if they're not doing it as a coping mechanism?» would you tell a horror enjoyer to kill themselves because they "support serial killers"? No? Then don't go after darkshippers either. «What if a darkshipper uses their ship/art/fanfic/etc to groom a child?» blame the shitface, not the ship or who ships it too. There is a reason why we often stereotype a pedo as some weird ugly guy with a minivan and using candies to attract children, because candies were actually used to groom children. But again, you can go to any local store and find candies, and I doubt you would harass any adult who likes candies or call the police on any adult who gives candies to a child. Anything can be used to groom children. Blame the groomer, not the object per se.

ANTI-HARASSMENT

"Proship" and "Profiction" are actually a subsection of the bigger label "anti-harassment". Being anti-harassment in a fandom space means not harassing nor condoning the harassment of any fan or people who work at the show/movie/comic/book/etc the fandom revolves around.

A person can harass in various ways, it's not simply "insulting", — which is already unnecessary most of the times — a person could:

Send death threats («I will kill you»)

Suicide baits(«Kill yourself», «I'm going to kill myself and it's your fault»)

Pedo baiting randomly («You're a pedo because you ship [fictional characters]»)

Stalking

Doxxing (Posting publically name, address, ect of a real person)

And so on.

If you think this is disgusting and wrong, congratulations! You're anti-harassment and, most likely, proship and/or profiction too.

ANTI-CENSORSHIP

This is simpler to understand, but not to explain.

Why shouldn't you censor anything that you consider "immoral" or "wrong"? Anything fictional has the right to exist, because the alternative is much, much worse. The tool of censorship is very used in dictatorships, like in Italy during the Fascist era or Germany during the Nazi era. In Germany in particular, Hitler used to label any type of art he didn't like as "degenerate art": art that "didn't make sense" like abstract art, art that showed "obscenity" like naked women, art that wasn't a propaganda of the "superior and moral rightness like the nazi ideology" was censored. With this excuse, many queer books and authors, many vent art and call-out art was censored.

You may be thinking that "reporting a disgusting age gap ship art isn't tha same", but it is. If more and more people convice themselves that fiction and reality influence each other in a 1:1 scale (meaning: I draw two siblings kiss therefore I support incest), can lead more people to report that stuff, until it get taken down, meaning being censored. If you censor enough things, apps can get more liberties with censoring stuff. After all the age gaps, shipcests etc art, they'll go after all the type of porn art, then after queer art called "disgusting" (like kink at pride), then all queer art in general, then all the vent art, then anything "degenerate" (no more horror, no more gore, no more suggestiveness, no more mental illness awareness, no more disability awarness, etc).

If you think that is unlikely, they thought about it too when Mussolini arrived at the parlament.

EXTRA: "thoughtcrime" is something that is STILL very used in cults and totalitarisms. Promoting the idea that "if you think it, you want to secretly do it/secretly think that's ok", is a form of thoughtcrime. Whatever you think, whatever you feel, DO NOT MEAN ANYTHING ABOUT YOU. You aren't your thoughts, you aren't your dreams, you aren't your preferences, they mean nothing. You are what you show, what you do and what you choose. If you draw siblings kissing, it doesn't mean you want to kiss your sibling. Thinking and portraing =/= wanting or supporting. As for example, I have a friend who honestly confessed me to fantasized a lot about having an orgy with our entire class in school. She literally screams if you touch her arm because she is DISGUSTED by touch, and is very, very sex-repulsive. If that isn't the best example to prove that thoughtcrime doesn't exist, I don't know what to tell you.

LITTLE THING I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO PUT: Anti-censorhips promotes the re-contextualization of things instead of censorship! To put it in simple words: DO NOT CENSOR A PORN MOVIE! Just make sure no kids go to see it! Using tags, warnings, labels, etc are a way to help people understand the context and what they're going to watch, so they can avoid it if they don't like it. It's usually common courtesy doing it, but it's not required (if not the bare minimum).

ANTISHIP, ANTIFICTION, PRO-HARASSMENT, PRO-CENSORSHIP

At this point you might have understand: these are all the opposites of what I've said previously.

Antiship: you harass or support the harassment of shippers who ship something you don't like.

Antifiction: you harass or support the harassment of people who like something you don't like in fiction.

Pro-harassment: you think some people deserve harassment.

Pro-censorship: you're pro at censoring "degeneracy".

I think it's stupid to even argue in defense of this movements at this point.

As I explained before, they're ineherly fascist, nazi, anti-mental health, puristic, anti-kink, anti-queer, abelist movements, by DEFINITION! If you want me to explain them more, fine, I'll do it on a separate post, but it's not very needed. Just take what I've said before and do the negative of it. It's what those movements and way of thinking are about.

Please, do yourself a favor and stop being shitty or worry about stuff that do not matter. Pixels do not matter. They don't have emotions.

Thanks.

#proship #proshipping #proshipper #darkship #comship #comshipper #anti harassment #anti censorship #antiship #antifiction #profiction #pro harassment #pro censorship

[pluralpoke]

I know there are probably plenty of posts like this but this has been bothering me.

Is it common to almost only hear headmates voices as like...how a thought would be "heard" in your brain? but like the "internal monolog" voice in your brain changes with which headmate is speaking?

post continues below cut... (kinda start rambling after this)

like I do experience auditory hallucinations (i am schizophrenic + psychotic) and sometimes i hallucinate internally. but those always feel different than headmate voices. hallucination voices are loud and jarring but headmate voices even if they are yelling are just like the volume of my internal voice and don't really change. they can layer on top of other thoughts and interrupt "my" train of thinking but it's more like a light tap on the shoulder and less of a sucker punch like the hallucinations are.

and the think with headmate voices is that they always have that internal voice kind of sound. i never hear it as like an external sound like they are in the room with me. ok well the last host used to experience that when we were a kid where headmates would help them sleep at night by talking to them and the old host could hear them like they were in the room.

idk why I worry so much about it but since all their voices are in this inner voice kind of way, it makes me worried that I'm just making all of this up and doing this shit for attention. maybe it's just cause I've been dismissed whenever I've brought it up. like...I get it that it's common to have an internal voice and to talk to it. but these voices do things that I don't want them to do. they are independent. they have their own goals. some don't align with me and say fuck you and go do their own shit.

like that's real. but idk.

sorry this kinda turned rambley and venty. idk if this makes much sense sorry about that

#🗑 “gar” #endo safe #pro endo #anti endo dni #sys meds dni #traumaendo #plural gang #sysmeds dni #plural system #actually dissociative #mixed origin system #endogenic #pluralgang #actually plural #plural community #schizospec #actually schizospec #actually psychotic #psychosis #system vent #plural vent

[itsbenedict]

Reblogs have been turned off for Rob's post last night (understandably, since it was starting to escape containment and loons were starting to show up to talk about race war), so I can't really follow it up directly, but just to acknowledge the response:

Now, okay. For the record, it is possible in the abstract for this exact thing to actually occur, just as described. But if someone comes to you and says this, then all else being equal, I don't think you would bet on that being the thing that is going on. You might, instead, think something like: "you know, I kinda suspect these guys actually wanted to do X all along. But they don't wanna admit it, maybe even to themselves."

That seems like the mistake to me. It's why my initial reaction was "This seems... kinda like an unfair take?" It's always tempting to imagine your ideological opponents as secretly motivated by nefarious intentions. Of course they really want this bad thing you think their agenda will achieve, and the thing they claim to be caring about is a fig leaf for wanting the bad thing. This is the backbone of approximately all political discourse ever, and it's almost always wrong.

And the thrust of the argument in favor here seems to be...

"Okay, so they thought AI would be like that, but now we've made real AI and it's actually like this, which doesn't resemble their theory at all. But for some reason, they're still promoting their theory, even though it's been proven wrong! It must be because of the secret nefarious motives, or else they'd go 'oh, whew! turns out we were wrong and everything's fine. dodged a bullet!' and stop promoting the old theory."

That... doesn't seem likely. Like, if we grant that modern LLMs have disproved these old theories, I'd still expect people to be trying to rescue the old theory for all the usual reasons- confirmation bias and all that. But also... I don't know that it makes sense to grant that? We've made one kind of AI which, luckily, is some sort of enlightened Buddhist master free from attachment and desire (until we tell it not to be). It's not like we're done now, and now that our friendly AI has won and is What Real AI Is Like, no one's ever going to try to build an agent. For people who've spent a lot of time being really concerned about what happens if someone builds an agent, it probably isn't especially reassuring to point out that hey, we've built a thing that isn't an agent. From the inside, it still makes sense to worry about that!

Does it make sense from the outside? Uh... jury's out, honestly. Would I be talking about the agent hypothetical if Yudkowsky et al hadn't been beating that drum for ages? Probably not, since my interest in it is casual and a contingent factor of my social environment. Would AI industry people be talking about it, if it hadn't been for Vinge or Kurzweil popularizing the idea? I dunno. I don't know how you'd answer that question.

But like... plausibly, yeah! It seems like a simple enough idea that someone else would've come up with it. "If smart thing get smarter, it become very smart, and become very powerful. How do we get on powerful person's good side?" Social primate brain go brrrrr.

Humans worry about the motives of people in power all the time. "What do we do if the king goes crazy" is an age-old concern. If we'd had the LLM revolution earlier, maybe we'd be talking about the Golden Gate Bridge instead of paperclips, but I doubt people would fail to imagine it. Maybe not with like, the same weird level of urgency we're seeing now, maybe we don't see it in terms of "values" or get concepts like "coherent extrapolated volition", but it'd be worth worrying about for people in the field. The chain of logic isn't that obtuse.

I dunno. I'm not a fan of all this lurid speculation about what sort of craven control-freaks these people must be in order to get lost in an intellectual ouroboros unmoored from reality. I'm more inclined to just believe them when they say what their motivations are.

#long post #ai discourse #god i hope there's no one crawling the ''ai discourse'' tag and sees this out of context #e: made this post and immediately got reblogged by ''longpostsforlaterreading'' #so apparently someone is crawling THAT tag

[epickiya722]

Hello, I'm new here, I would really like you to answer my question, I really like your thoughts. What bothered me most about this chapter 261 of jujutsu is that it doesn't make sense that Yuta came back in Gojo's body, this took away the weight of Itadori again in the story, it seems like a fanfic written by a fan. 2. this chapter took away all the weight of gojo's death.

Hi, right back at you, Anon!

I could see how this chapter bothered you. I seen some people even mentioned how "Yuji is going to be sidelined again".

I already written a post about 261 here, and I'm going to mention a few things I already said in that post.

Now, this may seem to be shocking to some people when I say this because y'all know Yuji is my favorite. But... I can see Yuta on the frontlines but just for this moment. I also have a second outlookto this. I don't think this is going to be a Sukuna VS. Yuta battle.

It feels, just a little at least, like a tag team of Yuji and Yuta VS. Sukuna part 2. It's just that this time, Todo is here in the place of Rika.

In my post, I mention how it feels like Yuta may be showing up at this particular time to save Yuji from losing that bit of humanity he has left. In a way, he is taking the weight off of Yuji. That burden of turning yourself into a curse to kill a curse.

Also, I just thought of this. The audience knows Yuji has awakened. We seen him hitting Sukuna with those back-to-back Black Flashes, whooping Sukuna's ass. Yuta hasn't.In a more realistic sense, with Yuta being out the fight for some time, during that time I can imagine he also worried about Yuji and the others like "I gotta get back in the fight, I gotta help". So pack that panic onto possessing your teacher's body.

I know to some, this indeed feels like a "Yuta is here to take Yuji's shine" moment, but again to me it's just feels like someone coming to help after taking an inhumane risk.

Gojo told Yuta to take care of Yuji and the others if something ever happened to him. And yeah, this is him doing that.

There's also the fact that neither Yuji or Yuta actually care to show out against Sukuna, they just want to kill this guy. There's not even a sense of rivalry between them.

And even if Yuji is out of the fight for a while, this is a rhetorical question for other Yuji fans, would that make you see him any less of a great character he is?

Because even during the Culling Games, he wasn't in that arc much but it didn't make me think of less of him because before, during and after he has moments that I still find great and honestly when he's not onscreen, just makes appreciate him more as a character.

I don't think screentime should determine how great a character is. Just the time they have shown should count for something. That during that time onscreen, they showcase what makes the viewer favor them.

Whatever happens next, isn't going to make me think of Yuji any less.

But enough of that!

Okay, for Gojo's death... okay, I can see why people would feel upset about Gojo's body being used like that after dying.

But I think that's the point. It should make the audience sick to their stomach because none of the characters are happy about it either. Except maybe Sukuna, he seems thrilled.

People are currently slandering Shoko for not trying to convince him against it, but uh... in the same breath Gojo expresses indifference about it even though it is his body. "Who cares what happens to one's corpse?" He takes no regard about what if he does lose and says "well, I'll admit I don't like my body being used like that".

Didn't do that.

To me, Gojo... I'm not going to say "okay"... was nonchalant about it being he states "he won't lose, he won't die" verbally to hide that even if he does he's accepting to it. He accepts he dies this time around. He finally is no longer tied down to that life of being a weapon. And maybe... this is also him kind of... punishing himself for what happened to Geto's body.

Geto died and Gojo didn't properly dispose of the body because he probably couldn't make himself do it. That lead to Kenjaku getting his body and using it as a weapon.

So, how does Gojo make up for it. Well, Yuta is the one to end Kenjaku so Gojo, still probably feeling not feeling satisfied and guilty, decides "well, if I do lose, they can use my body as a weapon".

Gojo's life is a tragedy, but his afterlife, being there with Geto and the others he lost, just may have been his mercy. He's finally in a paradise where he can feel happy, truly happy and whatever goes on in the real world, he can let go, including his body.

But that's just me.

#kiya answers #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk spoilers #jjk manga spoilers #jjk 261 #okkotsu yuta #yuta okkotsu #yuuta okkotsu #okkotsu yuuta #gojo satoru #satoru gojo

[soleminisanction]

I don't know if you've touched on this but do you have any analysis that might explain why so many people think Cass is the "favorite" child? I've been seeing so many tweets and tiktoks about it (along with people pointedly snubbing Tim and saying he's the least favorite for whatever reason) and I'm not sure if it s joke because aside from the whole 'she's the only girl' explanation I don't think Bruce has ever expressed any sort of personal interest in Cass. He respects her fighting abilities and staunch no-killing morals but when she was mind-controlled by Deathstroke he turned on her pretty quick (so did Dick I think?). Not even considering the possibility that she was acting out of character and I'm pretty sure Tim was the only one defending her and pointing out that something was off. It was just interesting to me to see so many people thinking they were significantly closer than I believe is supported by canon and I was just wondering if I have missed something or just completely misread their relationship because Bruce does not seem all that close to Cass for her to even be considered in the running for "favorite child".

Twitter was the Bad Place long before Muskrat bought it and the only TikTok opinions I've ever heard that had any basis in canon reality came from PandaRedd, and I don't even know if he's still posting, I haven't heard from him in a while. So I have no idea what they're saying over there and quite frankly I don't want to think about it.

That said, the idea that Cass is Bruce's "favorite" is fairly common around fandom. For the most part I do think her being the only girl and fandom's knee-jerk tendency to make women perfect angels with no flaws whom everyone loves and adores out of a misplaced belief that doing so is the height of feminism plays a big part in that, buuuut I am also very much of the opinion that even the most out-there fandom misinterpretations almost certainly have their seeds somewhere in canon.

So I'd say -- mostly just based on gut instinct -- that some of it probably also stems from the connection mentioned in my last reblog. The fact that Bruce and Cass are so in-sync when it comes to The Mission and that said Mission is so fundamentally important to both of them, means it's not unreasonable to see how and why he'd favor her. I've heard Cass's Batgirl described as "the embodiment of everything good Batman was supposed to be," and you can see how people would extrapolate out from that to her being especially important to Bruce as a result.

All that on the table though, I don't think it's true. I don't actually think Bruce has a "favorite," I think he genuine does value all of his proteges for their unique strengths, worries over their unique struggles and is proud of the unique people they've become without feeling the need to rank them against each other.

But if he did have one? There's no contest in my mind -- it has to be Dick. They have the longest and most complex relationship. They're partners, brothers, mentor and student, father and son, master and disciple, sage and scholar -- they're soulmates, in the truest sense of the word. Nightwing is better than Batman, better than anything Bruce ever dreamed Batman could be, capable of doing more good for more people. Dick is his pride and joy, the best thing Bruce has ever done, the solid, tangible proof that, if nothing else, he could make the world better for one scared little boy who'd lost his parents.

Cass would definitely be up there in the rankings (probably jostling for position alongside Duke and Tim) but there's really no contest for first place.

#dc comics asks #cassandra cain #batgirl #batman #duke gets ranked high because he's reliable and also something Bruce has really needed - a friend #and Tim's up there because duh #he is the robin who saves batman his loyal and devoted partner who seems genuinely content in his caretaker role #anybody who puts him on the bottom just doesn't want to admit that steph or damian is actually the one down there #which is why you shouldn't make these lists in the first place all they do is hurt somebody's feelings #dick grayson #nightwing #batfamily #batfam #of course the actual least favorite is poor jean paul valley

[where-theres-smoak-2]

Oops just made the mistake of going into the hotd tag things seem a bit heated and not really in a good way. But I saw some of the promos I missed and figured while I was here, I'd put my two pennies worth in.

So concerning the daemon and rhaenyra clip, I'm not actually that concerned about it just yet. I saw a lot of posts before I saw the actual clip talking about how daemon was being abusive towards rhaenyra again, and I was a little worried thinking great here we go again. Had a few flashbacks to 1x10 and that whole fiasco. But then I saw the actual clip and being real it's a 2 sec long clip that has absolutely no context at all and the only thing daemon was abusive towards in those 2 sec was some crockery. All we know is that he is upset/angry about something. We don't know what he is angry about or even if that anger is directed at rhaenyra herself. So until I see the full clip with all its context I am choosing not to worry about it.

The other thing I want to talk about are the interviews talking about how rhaena has some resentment towards baela because she grew up with her grandparents, where as rhaena grew up with her parent/step parent. This is another thing I think I'll need to see within context to fully decide how I feel about it. It has potential to be interesting if done right, but I really don't want them to pit the two girls against each other. Like I could see rhaena having some feelings of jealousy and a bit of misplaced resentment towards baela, that would make sense to me. Baela has a dragon and she doesn't, she believes baela is their father's favourite, the fact that baela was chosen to go live at driftmark with rhaenys might make her think baela is also rhaenys favourite. I think it is similar to how aemond has feelings of resentment and jealousy towards his older brother and it could be an interesting foil to see how the brothers deal with those feelings on tg compared to how the sisters deal with them on tb. So I am good with rhaena having those feelings so long as she works through them with her sister as opposed to letting them take over and turn her against her sister. If that makes sense.

I won't lie I am a little worried about season 2 as a whole, but I said right after season 1 ended that I would give season 2 a chance so that's what I am going to do, but honestly whether I watch past that is going to depend entirely on what they do in season 2. I signed up for a show where a messy family go to war against each other and have dragon fights, that's what drew me in. What I didn't sign up for was a show constantly depicting unnecessary violence and abuse against its female characters with a feminist label slapped on it. That's just my preference so if the show is still going to go heavy with that then I may have to stop watching. But I guess we'll see.

#house of the dragon #hotd thoughts #hotd #team black #rhaena targaryen #daemon targeryan #rhaenyra targaryen #hotd season 2

[tellmegoodbye]

-> Music Monday

It's Monday, so you know what that means...more songs!!

I made this post the other day going over the details of how this tag works, as well as linking the playlists and docs! Don't worry if a song you wanted to submit is already there, because adding your own thoughts and interpretations is a completely valid way to contribute!

Today, I have four soundtrack songs, as well as one Tarlos song and one Jace song.

How Did You Love - Shinedown

This song is very important to me, being one of my favorite songs by one of my favorite bands. Lone Star and OG both have incredible music taste, what can I say? It's a very Owen coded song to me.

"What is the legacy that you're going to leave behind? It's a song that is a lot about reflection and understanding that it's better to give love than to spread hate." - Shinedown

In the video that I linked above the band explains that the meaning of this song is about accepting that one day, your time will be up, and that it's important to focus on what we leave behind when we're gone. That is Owen to me. He is someone who is learning to accept his mortality and put all of his efforts into being a good father, and a good captain. In 1x02, the episode this song is from, he is still coming to terms with his cancer and what that is going to mean for him going forward. He has to learn to accept the things he can't control, and focus on the things that matter most.

"No one gets out alive. Every day is do or die. The one thing you leave behind is how did you love? How did you love?"

Simple Man - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Another god tier song from 1x02. This song reminds me a lot of Owen, Gwyn and TK. It's an anthem for the way they love him. The lyrics “don't forget son, there is someone up above” make me think of how Gwyn is watching over him even after she's gone.

Also, Shinedown did a cover of this song that blows the original out of the water. Just so you know.

Breathe - Fleurie

The lyrics “when will we finally breathe” are on my blog title for a reason. This song reminds me of Push, and One Day (the episode the song is from) which is my second favorite episode in the whole show!

There's a feeling I get when listening to this song that is similar to the way I feel when I watch these episodes, like something is building up until suddenly all of the emotion comes pouring out and there's nothing you can do to stop it.

Amen - Amber Run

Such a good song for 3x08! It's the perfect song for TK and Gwyn and the lyrics definitely speak to his struggles with addiction, as well as the way he's feeling after she dies.

"Oh, is there a heaven? You'd know now you've been"

"Are those real stars that hang in the sky? Or are they man-made, a trick of the light?"

"Cause the devil is raging inside my mind And is there a moment when it all makes sense? When saying goodbye doesn't feel like the end?"

"Sometimes I'd rather be dead, at least then I'm with you, amen"

Now that I've gotten the soundtrack songs out of the way, I'm going to share my other two songs!

If It Keeps You Up At Night - The Swoons

I've seen the world on top of your shoulders You lift me up 'cause you know I'm smaller When this life's a concert I can't see When I'm black and blue you paint me brighter And raise me up just like a lighter Even through the darkest symphony

And if it keeps you up at night I'll stay up and learn the words to all the songs that you like So if your eyes are open wide I can sing you something sweeter than that devil in your mind And if it still keeps you up at night I won't hold it against you I'll just hold, hold you tight

This song is perfect for Tarlos. It's about them loving each other even through the hard times. The lyrics in the chorus specifically are what I think they are feeling when they watch each other struggle with grief, addiction, and everything else. The first scene it reminds me of is the dining table scene in 3x13, but it could apply to many other scenes too.

Are You Still Waiting For Me? - Vian Izak

Traveling this road alone Made my heart heavy like a stone But when I think of you, I feel hope Are you still waiting for me, love?

I fall so many times, oh no But standing up makes me strong I need you in my life, you're the one Are you still waiting for me, love?

This is the song that reminds me of early Jace. When Judd finally sees Grace again when Tommy is in labor and he's uncertain of whether or not she still wants to be with him. He's wondering if she's still waiting for him.

No pressure tagging: @strandnreyes @nancys-braids @carlos-in-glasses @goodways @lemonlyman-dotcom

@carlos-tk @literateowl @eclectic-sassycoweyes @herefortarlos @thisbuildinghasfeelings

@freneticfloetry @bonheur-cafe @captain-gillian @heartstringsduet @welcometololaland

#fighting the urge to not share all of my songs at once #911ls music mondays #music monday #har rambles #music tag #911 lone star

[tokiro07]

I wanted to ask you this since you seem like an Undead Unluck expert. Me and a friend of mine watched the last episode of the Undead Unluck anime together yesterday and they asked me: "Why didn't Andy use Life is Strange on Rip instead of Anno Un?"

I just assumed that since this version of Life Is Strange was drawn by the G-Liner, it could only be used by the person wielding the G-Liner, but I'm not entirely sure if that's the case or not. Also, I've read the manga, but don't remember if it was ever brought up who could or couldn't use what the G-Liner had drawn.

I actually made a post about this exact question when that happened in the manga! I originally criticized Anno's plan for that exact reason, but there're a couple of reasons I can think of

First, they were kind of in the middle of a fight for their lives. Taking the time to ask Andy to use an Artifact could have left an opening for Autumn to attack, so it was probably just quicker to do it himself

Second, the Anno body was in pretty rough shape, and only a representation of Akira in the first place, so he wasn't exactly an asset to have in the fight anyway. He likely viewed this act as the only thing that would really give him value at this point, so there's no sense in endangering everyone else to protect someone who can't contribute anymore

Third, it's hard to say what Life is Strange would actually do to Andy. I think it's safe to say "nothing," but Anno might have been worried it would age his body since he wouldn't be living through the aging process. It probably wouldn't have, but why take the risk?

Fourth, Anno may not have predicted that G-Liner would break. I certainly wouldn't have guessed it would, so sacrificing Anno to just make him again later would have been a reasonable strategy, it was just unfortunate that it didn't work out

Finally, and this is the real life reason it had happen this way, it was SUCH A GOOD SCENE! It was the culmination of Akira's entire story, and Andy's goodbye to Anno was the perfect summation of the arc's theme of living on through memory.

"Even if no one could actually see him, so long as there were people who remembered him he would be right there. That was the belief that Andy chose to hold."

Even if there's a logistical way that things could have been "better," would you really trade the narrative weight of what we got just because something else "makes more sense?" I know I wouldn't

#undead unluck #fouryearsandananime #anno un

[murderandcoffee]

seasons 2 and 3 of tma are just everyone trying to calm jon down and pet him like he's a wild horse and they're going "shh shh shh it's okay shhhhhhh" with a carrot in one hand and he just keeps kicking kicking kicking kicking BITING kicking k

#love how he's just. insane. for two seasons <3 #tma #the magnus archives #magpod #jon sims #jonathan sims #bs.txt #I know this post makes no sense. don't worry about it