#I haven't had like any serious hallucinations yet | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

clanwarrior-tumbly · 7 months

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Digital Circus with a Mime Reader, who CAN speak but prefers to use sign language and gestures: they find find Kaufmo in the middle of abstracting and try to calm him down (against their better judgement). It doesn't go well, ending with them locking and closing Kaufmo's door, and running to find Caine... Only to hear the theme song suddenly stop and Jax say something about a "new character" as they approach...

Ough finally some Kaufmo angst-

........

Approaching Kaufmo's door, you stopped in front of it and politely knocked, wanting to check up on him before Caine could summon everybody to perform the Digital Circus' "theme song" musical number.

As of late, your fellow clown hasn't been feeling up to snuff, since apparently nobody was laughing at his jokes anymore...

Although said jokes have all mentioned something about an exit--a way out of the digital realm you've grown quite comfortable living in. But even when he is dead serious, the others are convinced he's only kidding around, pretending to laugh and sometimes asking him if he could joke about something else.

Least to say...it grew frustrating for him.

The only reason he hadn't totally lost it yet was because of you, a mime who has lived in the circus for the past five months and befriended him quickly. Together you've put on many acts: with his wacky props and your invisible techniques, your shows were amusing to all.

That being said, you didn't want your longtime partner to think about any exits too much, as you've lost several friends in the past when they started talking about the same thing.

It happened to Queener, Kinger's beloved wife, and the poor chess piece has been on the brink of abstraction ever since (honestly, it's a miracle he didn't immediately follow her).

Fortunately, he remained stable enough to be around everyone.

As for Kaufmo?

He didn't look so good last night at dinner, and you haven't seen him all morning. Normally he'd be up and about, juggling random things as he walked or approaching you to brainstorm new acts to perform.

Him locking himself away in his room was not normal.

Especially when he knew this musical number was super important to Caine.

After waiting a minute or two, you perked up as he finally answered the door.

At first you smiled in greeting, although that was quick to fade when he only kept it open just a crack--enough for you to barely see his face...

Which bore a terrified expression underneath his runny makeup, making his frown look worse than it actually is. His hat was nowhere to be found, either.

''Are you okay, Kaufmo?" You signed, eyebrows furrowed in worry.

That was your usual way of talking, despite knowing you could very well speak freely. You had no clue if you were proficient in sign language before entering this circus, but regardless it always came in handy, and everybody did their best to communicate with you that way (or at least those with fingers, unlike Zooble or Gangle).

Since your performances usually involved silence and expressive gestures, you didn't see a need to talk often--and that was usually fine with Kaufmo, who'd always chatter with you in sign language right back.

But when he attempted to respond, you swore you both saw his own hands glitching, before he quickly retracted them, clearly frightened.

You, on the other hand, wanted to believe it was just a "digital hallucination".

That's all it was...right?

"I-I'm sorry, [y/n]..haven't been..feeling like myself-f-f lately.." Even his own voice was betraying him, as it sounded distorted, lagging as though he was a slow computer program. "But you believe me, don't you?"

"Believe what?"

"The...the exit, of course! The thing I've been talking about this whole time!! It's real! There IS a way out!! I-I can show you!!"

You blinked, before shaking your head. "Kaufmo, let me in."

"Oh no, I think that's a bad id--wait! Wait!!" Despite his pleas for you to stop, you forced your way into his room, shutting the door behind you so nobody else could intrude or eavesdrop.

The last thing you needed was Caine listening in.

Yet after taking a look around at the state of his quarters--with everything being a complete mess and the word "EXIT" scrawled onto every square inch of the ceiling and walls--you were nothing short of terrified for his mental well-being.

'My god....what has he done..?' You thought to yourself, mortified.

"No, no, no, no!!"

Looking back at Kaufmo, you saw him back up against the wall, holding his face as black glitchy polygons started appearing on his body. He gasped in horror, looking at his hands...and then up at you.

"What's..h-happening to me-e-e?"

Your heart sunk, knowing exactly what was going on.

"You're abstracting.." You whispered, your voice small yet shaken.

"I-I didn't...think I'd be next...it hurts so much! Christ-!!!" He began crying, his makeup oozing as he stared at you with empty, soulless black eyes. One of his arms was already taken over by the glitches, morphing into a large one covered in jagged polygons.

"Make it stop..MAKE IT STOP!!!" He screamed, slumping to the floor.

You were frozen in a state of panic, unsure if you should go get Caine or stay here and try to pull him out of his abstraction.

Either way, you had to do something fast...lest you lose him forever or become infected yourself.

"Just focus on me, pal. I'm here. I'm here." Kneeling down, you grasped his non-glitching hand tightly with both of yours, attempting to guide him through a breathing exercise.

"You'll get through this." You mouthed, but he just shook his head, noticing a single glowing eye forming on the surface of the glitchy flesh.

"Wh-Whatever you do...don't tell Caine, I beg you-u.." He pleaded. "He'll lock me away...a-and I'll be all alone in the dark..I don't wanna be alone.."

Tears welled up in your eyes as you shook your head, and he gazed at you in confusion. "What do you mean "no"? You'd let him throw me into the cellar with the rest of them...?" He started to grow angrier, feeling betrayed. "I thought we were partners!"

"We are partners, Kaufmo. Always will be." You sighed, wishing there was another way to stop this from happening. "But there's nothing more I can do...he needs to know-"

"Fine...maybe things will be better if I'm not around to tell my stupid jokes anymore."

"Kaufmo-"

"Go....run, [y/n]...run-n-n-nnNNNN------"

Immediately after he said that, you let him go right as his other hand quickly became overtaken by the abstraction, almost taking you with it.

You got up and took a step backwards, watching in mute terror as he rapidly grew in size, turning into a massive amalgamation of glitch black polygons. Even more glowy-trippy eyes were popping up in different places, looking in every direction.

Within seconds, Kaufmo no longer resembled the clown you once knew (or a person, in general)....but was instead replaced by a horrific digital beast with a long neck, standing on four legs.

You gulped as every single eye on his body suddenly shifted to stare directly down at you.

'Uh-oh-'

You hastily created an invisible wall just as he lunged at you with a ferocious roar, slamming right into the illusion like a bird smacking into a glass pane.

'He still falls for the oldest trick in the book..oh Kaufmo..'

Although it pained your heart to abandon him like this, he was too far gone to be saved. He didn't even recognize you anymore.

The only thing you could do now was get Caine before he harmed you or anybody else--even if it means you never saw him again. He could very well threaten the entire stability of this world if he got loose.

You quickly ran out of the room just before he could break through the "wall" and go after you, slamming the door shut and locking it tight.

Moments later, you heard him ram into it, the hinges damn near breaking off (but by the grace of cartoon physics, that didn't happen).

You wiped the sweat from your forehead, making a mad dash out of the dormitory section of the tent in a desperate search for Caine.

Unfortunately, you could already hear Bubble's singing in the distance as the gang's musical number routine was already starting:

"Gangle, and Zooble, and Kinger, too~!"

You ran as fast as your legs could possibly carry you. They were already aware of both of your absences, and they chose to go on with the song anyways.

'Jerks..they couldn't at least wait for me?' You huffed. 'Caine never tells us when we're doing these musical ditties-'

By the time you arrived, however, you heard the music abruptly cut out.

You stopped upon seeing your friends tumbled over each other on the floor, with Gangle's comedy mask being broken and Jax picking himself up in annoyance.

"Caine, is this one of your NPCs or is this a new sucker?"

Blinking, you glanced at the new person he was referring to, surprised to see a girl dressed as a red and blue jester.

"........."

Now you couldn't say anything to Caine.

Not right now, at least.

#clanask #anonymous #tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #tadc kaufmo #clown reader #mime reader #angst #platonic

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bitd · 2 years

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PERCEPTION [Sight] [Easy: Success] - As you skim the shelves, a familiar title catches your eye.

ENCYCLOPEDIA [Medium: Success] - Fisticuffs Convention, by Charles Plucky. Often stigmatized as revolutionary literature, it tells the story of a young man whose anti-capitalist and masculine urges lead him to an amnesiac double life, hallucinating an idealized alter ego.

INLAND EMPIRE - A handsome, emotionally regulated, cigarette-smoking parallel of yourself appearing alongside an amnesic episode?

LOGIC [Easy: Fail] - Come to think of it, have you seen anyone else acknowledge Kim directly? I mean, you haven't been paying close attention, but maybe…

YOU - "Kim, I think you're a hallucination of my idealized self, emerged from my subconscious to guide me in my time of need."

KIM KITSURAGI - The lieutenant, already impatient with your leisurely browsing, does not seem to agree with your theory. "Doubtful. Plucky's novel was driven by the protagonist's estrangement from his mundane and meaningless life. By contrast, you seem rather… emotionally invested."

YOU - "Hold on, emotionally invested in what?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Most things, from what I've seen."

-1 MORALE

INLAND EMPIRE [Challenging: Fail] - Don't give up on this yet, you know that there's SOMETHING about the novel that resonated with you.

LOGIC [Easy: Success] - If Kim isn't your alter ego projection, that leaves only one option.

LOGIC - You must be his.

VOLITION - Are you guys fucking serious?

- [Rhetoric: Godly 16] Convince Kim you're his alter ego.

- No, that can't be right, my identity is too complex to be anyone else's.

⚅⚅

CHECK SUCCESS

YOU - "Kim, I've figured it all out. Why I can't remember anything before you got here, why we make such a good duo."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Oh? It had nothing to do with your activities prior, after all?" He sounds sceptical, and he hasn't even heard your genius theory yet!

YOU - "That's the thing, there were no activities prior. I'm not real."

KIM KITSURAGI - He raises an eyebrow at you, imperceptibly.

PERCEPTION [Trivial: Success] - Bullshit. It's perceptible. I'm perceiving it. It's not all of us who are completely socially incompetent and can't read facial expressions - just you.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Detective," he starts, in a tone even the most socially competent would find unreadable, "Our acquaintances at the Whirling-In-Rags would likely disagree."

YOU - "Look at yourself, Kim. Calm. Reserved. Repressed. You wear glasses. Now look at me. Cool. Wild. Unrestrained. I wear sunglasses. I'm a superstar. Would you agree that I am, more or less, everything you're not?"

EMPATHY [Trivial: Success] - He realizes where this is going moments before you get there, defeat etched into his face.

YOU - "Maybe even everything you wish you could be?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Hm."

YOU - "Come on, Kim, it's obvious. It was you who trashed the Whirling-In-Rags, and you're projecting me while you clean up your mess!"

KIM KITSURAGI - Despite everything, he keeps his patience. "That is an... intriguing theory, detective, but there are multiple witnesses who can attest for our separate physical embodiments before and after my arrival. I also haven't lost any time, so it seems unlikely I would be experiencing some sort of latent dissociative disorder."

ESPRIT DU CORPS [Legendary: Success] But that might actually explain some things, now that it occurs to him. A previous inquiry on 'talking thoughts' flashes through his mind.

KIM KITSURAGI - He acquiesces, almost too easily, "I suppose there's no proving it either way. Perhaps tonight after we've finished our work for the day you could do some more research into the matter. I'm sure this store must have some psychological texts you could consult."

📒

TASK GAINED:

READ ABOUT "DISSOCIATIVE DISORDERS"

#disco elysium #de #harrier du bois #kim kitsuragi

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sophieinwonderland · 7 months

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It's weird being schizophrenic and plural (with some of that plurality being affected by both the schizophrenia and by trauma) and Also Traumatized all the same time because like.

CDD disorders, (c-)PTSD, and schizophrenia can have symptoms in common. Including dissociation, sometimes amnesia, hallucinations, etc, and often have similar comorbidities. Hell, schizophrenia can even cause trauma, which could lead to (c-)PTSD or traumagenic CDD disorders.

And, for a long ass time, before I knew I was schizophrenic, I thought I had OSDD-1 or mild DID with some added psychosis (yknow, for flavor). But then I started doing some research. And as it turned out, a lot of symptoms that I had that I thought were exclusive to CDDs... were just as easily caused by schizophrenia. Any other symptoms that were common in CDDs but weren't part of schizophrenia were quickly covered by c-PTSD. And I had a lot of symptoms of schizophrenia that could not be filled in by either.

Obv this is all just my experience, ymmv, yadda yadda. But it often leads me to a weird place when it comes to being part of plural communities. My experiences ride the line of being too close to CDDs to relate properly to nondisordered/non-CDD plurals, but because of where those experiences come from, I can't really relate to folks with CDDs either beyond superficial similarities. I'm kind of stuck in the middle.

Anyways. I dunno. It's just interesting for me to think about.

People in the community don't like talking about it, but there really is a serious problem in how these disorders are defined where a diagnosis of DID isn't allowed if symptoms can be explained by other disorders, and there's a huge overlap in symptoms to the point that all of symptoms of DID could be argued to be symptoms of Schizophrenia.

This is something Ross has criticized a lot and tried to rectify. But change is an uphill battle.

If you haven't read it yet (which you might have since I reference it a lot,) there's a paper exploring the differences in voice hearing between people with DID and people Schizophrenia. Maybe this can help you distinguish your experiences a bit.

Here's the DOI: 10.1097/NMD.0b013e3181c299ea

It's Sci-hub compatible if you want to access it easily. I thought maybe the data could be helpful to your journey.

The biggest differences I found there are that DID is far more likely to start in childhood, to include child voices, to include more than 2 voices, to talk among themselves without reference to the host, and (contrary to conventional wisdom) to include other sorts of hallucinatory experiences.

(It's unclear in the study if these hallucinations are as vivid as those typically associated with hallucinations in Schizophrenia.)

And it's definitely possible and valid to have both disorders, so I would be hesitant to rule out CDDs just because you also have symptoms that CDDs don't account for.

Anyway, thank you so much for sharing your experiences! This is a really important topic that I wish could get more of a spotlight in the plural community.

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muraenide · 8 months

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' i was worried today is going to be a hard day, but i'm glad jade senpai is here today '

' yeah same '

' i just talked to him not too long ago and i managed to forget about that hard test next week, his voice is always so charming and calming, it's like music to the ears '

' i thought the same ! it's like he has a melody in his way of speech '

' don't you think so Dana-san ? '

" i think you need a doctor if you start to hear songs when talking to people, jesus christ do you hear how you sound ?? " harsh but the undoubted truth in her eyes so there is no use going around it, she may be the only one here that doesn't understand what charm they are talking about, but she is pretty sure that they are insane. These kids need serious help, they start to have hallucinations at this point, but whatever, it's none of her business whatever weird shit they hear or see. She finishes washing some glasses then makes her way out from the bar.

" Hey slimy bitch, i'm going to my lunch break now "

//a little continuation from the work ask later that day

Dana / @trestole

It's a slow day, yet Jade hasn't felt the least irked by his supposed boredom. He diligently kept a list of items they sold as the waiters brought food and beverages to their respective tables, checking the receipts and their earnings and ensuring profits were going up. Azul would not have him in charge had he done it any other way. The restaurant, after all, is his lifeline.

He turns his head when Dana calls out to him. It's not the first time she's called him names, but outside of working hours, Jade takes his role as overseer of the restaurant very seriously. There's a sharp twinkle in his eye as he sports a grin, sharp teeth becoming visible where his lips parted. He gets to his feet, walking around his table towards Dana just as she exits the bar.

Insubordination would have been a good enough reason to dole out its respective punishment. None of the Octavinelle students dared to mess around with him once Jade put on his working attitude. Contrary to his usual goofy, playful self, Jade becomes a rather different person while he's managing the restaurant on behalf of Azul.

"What did you call me, Prefect?" He steps in between her and the exit, arms crossed behind his back as he traps her within the bar, blocking her path. The students who are close enough stop what they are doing as they notice the commotion, gazes sliding to the side, trying hard not to be obvious about peeking. "'Slimy bitch', I haven't heard wrongly, have I?"

It wasn't the first time she called him names, but it was the first time she'd done so in Mostro Lounge. Part of him understands that Dana wasn't being purposefully rude, that this is how she'd always behaved towards him outside of work. Except that they hadn't really known each other. She didn't know that Jade could be deadly serious when he had to keep up appearances. Nor did she suspect that as of late Jade had begun to realize that certain magic had not worked on Dana.

"If I recall correctly, I haven't offended you today to warrant such unprecedented disrespect. Perhaps you would like to justify your behaviour?" He stares her down, expressionless save for the signature smile he usually carries. "No?" He echoes when she fails to reply. "Then don't do it again. Repeated offenses would result in more than just a simple warning."

Jade leans down as he finishes, this time his voice tailored down to nothing but a low whisper. "Don't do it while we're both working, at least," He adds, chuckling, just loud enough for the both of them to hear. "But it would be interesting to see how many variations of insults you are able to come up with solely just for me."

#trestole #𖦹 ⋆꙳ ⁄ ic.#𖦹 ⋆꙳ ⟡ ⁄ ᶜᴴ⁰⁰³ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍᴇʀᴄʜᴀɴᴛ ꜰʀᴏᴍ ᴛʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴘᴛʜꜱ *:･ MAIN VERSE.#// i see what youre doing there roxy and ily

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mousetourmaline · 6 months

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Expecting to teleport

When I've been around the Internet for a while and haven't come across anybody discussing some particular phenomenon, it's often difficult to tell the difference between "This is such a mundane and common experience that nobody even bothers discussing it. What would be next, commentary on blinking?" and "This is something that mostly doesn't happen to people."

Today I'm thinking about how my brain believes I can teleport.

Every now and then, apparently at random, for a split second I experience a strong expectation of being somewhere else. It's not a hallucination, in that I don't actually see anything; instead, I feel a slight startlement because the very specific environment I expected to see in the next moment isn't there. As though a video game engine had tried to pre-load the area it thought I was about to step into and mysteriously pulled the wrong one from a list.

The environments don't seem to be triggered by any external stimuli; there's nothing I can blame on music or scent. They're mostly public spaces, but not uncommonly they're ones I haven't thought about in years, let alone seen -- specific undergraduate classrooms, a Pizza Hut restaurant I must have been into maybe twice in a town I used to live in, a shopping street in a foreign city. I never consciously tried to memorise the layouts of these places when I visited them in real life, and most of them never had any particular emotional significance that would impress the details on my mind, yet my brain seems to be prepared for them. There's never any imaginary reasoning involved even for a moment, no explanation of why I, thirty-something and years into a day-job, would suddenly be walking into a university classroom, or how I could have got to a different country in defiance of my anxiety about public transport. I just visually expect it, against all reason. The fact that I might be lying in bed with my eyes closed or curled on the sofa reading doesn't at all affect the expectation of what I'll see, which is invariably as-if-from-upright and requiring no eyelid-moving effort on my part.

And maybe this is something that happens to everyone! It's a momentary experience with no real-world effects. Maybe for everybody else it's just too boring to discuss. But on an Internet where we all have unlimited space to express the minutiae of our lives I would have expected, in all these years, to have seen it come up somewhere. People sensitive to their subconscious feelings wondering if there's any significance to the places that their brains prepare to teleport to, and the ones that never seem to come up. Stupid jokes about how "my brain always seems to send me back to your mom's place". Fanfic about characters whose memories are magically sealed anticipating places they believe they've never seen. People who identify with non-human creatures asking if anyone ever expected a view as seen from all fours or with animal-like eyes. "My girlfriend told me she still mind-flashes to her ex's bedroom. I told her I expected her to be more serious about being committed to me; AITA?" Something. But asking Google about "momentary flashbacks" brings up resources about PTSD; "feeling like you're somewhere else" gets ones about derealisation. Maybe I'm alone, or maybe I'm just forever the right keyword away.

#mouse thinks too much #brain weirdness #crossposted

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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Man... I'm not even gonna lie I was semi holding back on explaining my sudden sporadicness thinking I'd be abke to end it off on sugary sweet ah but R's birthday broke me from my addiction!1!!11!! Ending buuut

I just woke up from a horrible nightmare andddd yeah. Basically, started off normalish to bad as it was some family bs which slowly turned to them shaming me for not going to school/working then part of the house LITERALLY EXPLODED. Somehow someway it was made to be my fault lmfao.

Weirdly tho it slowly transitioned to this story of this dude tryna live in the remains of our house. Our house was really high uo for whatever reason and he couldn't easily get food. But he had two pets. Dog and a pig. Pig died of starvation and wayy later on the dog went rabid and bit tf out dude forcing him to have shake him off his foot and watch as he tumbled down the massive cliff/mountain thing the house was on which of course was extremely gruesome.

Thenpoo dude apparently caught an illness from the bite and died ONLY TO BE REVIVED BY THE SPIRIT OF THE MALNOURISHED PIG. Then past that the pig was talking to him and giving him tips on how to survive which involved killing the dog before he could bite him/less starved so more meat. Which meant me watching him bash the dog onto a rock and just... eating. No cooking or ahit.

THEN outta nowhere dude hid and come to find out he was hallucinating SO bad. I'm not even sure if he even died fr atp mans was preemptively hiding from the grim reaper. And not even on some oh shit spooky death man. Dude just APPEARED and it was straight up copy paste from the sims 4. And whole time dude is talking to the pig spirit loud af which I'm sure woulda got him caught.

Whiiich miraculously made me wake up. I think the tomfoolery of the threat of the dream being the casual dumbass from the sims 4 made me realize I was dreamed and I just jerked up hard as hell to wake up quick as possible. It honestly wasn't too bad as far as my dreams go. Watching the dude go insane and murdering his damn dog was hard but it was tame compared some of my others. I haven't taken any cause of if cause I wasn't tooooo scared when I woke up. So this makes 5 days actually. I went a good 3 days without sleeping in fear of the nightmares (plus not being sleepy w/o the shit ngl) but by the first time I passed out I was too exhausted to do all that luckily. This has been my first time sleep again so I'm actually pretty happy I was able to sleep so soon after the fact

Thoooo uh I will be dosing if I don't get as lucky in my next dream. I'm genuinely glad I've had such a relatively easy withdrawal period this time around and I don't want to go back on that without serious reason. The heart pain has been sucky and my head has been pounding but it's been easy to get used to. Though I'm not sitting through any worse of a nightmare than the shit just now. I can't take that mess. I'd love to have the cutesy ass story there but I genuinely can't. Though I'm not that tired and it still ain't happen just yet so maybe I will push through. Thooo we'll see

Edit: accidentally fell back to sleep for another 2 and now off 600 😁👍

I couldn't even explain to entire thing. It would be so long and wouldn't even be picturable past a point. All I know is I woke up scared I was still in it and it took me a good 20 to stop being paranoid that my sisters or dad or my fucking dog was going to transform and continue the dream. I was questioning if I was in hell and if i had ever been a real person

Needless to say my sobriety arc is now over and I'm looking into my new bottle now. I can't have doubts like that. I really can't

I don't care if that makes me weak or a bitch or whatever else. I'm can't sit there getting traumatized by my fucking dreams and still be normal me day in day out. Fuck that

#dph #benadryl #diphenhydramine #dph addiction #vent

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headinthestaticsky · 3 years

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Frozen Within the Night Wind: Jasper Hale x Fleur Swan, Chapter 10

None of the characters in Twilight belong to me, all rights go to Stephenie Meyer.

"Having you close My head is damaged I get closer, everything trembles me

Now I have the certainty That I have not lost the desire Wake up with you in the morning But I'm looking for your gaze And your eyes, baby, don't tell me anything."

Nuestro Planeta by, Kali Uchis Featuring Reykon. Translated lyrics.

Jasper, Jacob, and I were all standing in a large field awaiting the arrival of Bella and Edward. The very field we were standing in would be the battleground between us and the newborn army.

"Hey, le... Fleur?" Jacob asked."

"Hmm?"

"Why haven't your diluted eyes at all? They still look like a rose." Jacob observed.

"I mean it hasn't been a full year yet."

"Yes, darling but... they should've at least diluted a little by now, amber should start to peak through." Jasper added.

"That's strange...I haven't had any human blood I swear."

"Yeah right..." I heard Jacob mumble.

"Oh shove it, Jacob, at least I'm not in the middle of a toxic, manipulative, love triangle."

"Can it leech. You know nothing about Bella."

"Keep telling yourself that."

Before Jacob could rebuttal, Edward and Bella finally showed up. Edward didn't look thrilled at all and Bella had a blank look on her face.

"I don't like this idea at all." Edward grumbled.

"And we need you for the fight but you aren't coming to that so...tough, get over it." I rebutted.

"Leave him alone Fleur...he's doing it for me. Bet Jasper hasn't done that for you." Bella said a dreamy look was in her eyes.

"Uh...he didn't have to, because I didn't cause chaos where ever I went and didn't piss off nomads you dumbass." I heard Jasper let out a short laugh.

"Wait, pretty boy isn't fighting, aww did you pull a muscle?" Jacob mocked.

"Can we get on with this... I wanna be anywhere but here." I interrupted.

"Whatever, just tell me the plan." Jacob said.

"Edward and I are going on a campsite, even if he carries me they’ll still pick up our scents." Bella explained.

"Your stench, however, is revolting." Edward interrupted

"Dude, you really don’t wanna start comparing stinks." Jacob snapped

"What he means is that your scent will mask mine if you carry me," Bella said.

"Done."

"This is not a good idea."

"You've already established that Edward," I said.

"Edward, they won’t wanna get anywhere near his... odor." Jasper carefully.

Jacob picked Bella up before saying... "Odor-de-wolf comin’ up."

Edward glared at me when Jacob was gone. Jasper noticed this and tensed up.

"You need to stop talking to her like that!"

"Like what? Truthfully, honestly?"

"It's not truthful it's insulting!"

"Dude...have you been living without any of your senses? The amount of shit she has said and done to me is a lot more disgraceful than how I am acting. Like I am petty, I know I am, but her pretending to be all innocent is hilarious."

"Oh please..."

"Okay so when she insults me and brings up that my mother completely hates my guts it's fine but when I rebuttal it's like I'm opening the gates of hell huh?"

"You don't know anything about her... she isn't malicious!"

"You sound just like Jacob."

"Don't even compare me to that...fleabag."

"What are you gonna do about?" I said he then got up close to my face, he looked like he was going to hit me.

"Don't test me Fleur... I will put you in your place if I have to."

"I'd love to see you try...boy." Jasper said getting between the two of us.

Edward snarled at us and walked away, stalking off to the far side of the field.

"Man... being a vampire has definitely amped up my attitude. Good thing you're here to stop me from doing something stupid." I joked.

"I think you're spending too much time with Rosalie darlin." Jasper said, smiling at me.

"This whole love triangle thing makes me want to set myself on fire. I kinda feel bad for Jacob...I know she's just manipulating him."

"I wouldn't put it past her darlin."

"I really wish we didn't have to do any of this...we should be getting married right now... not fighting a battle they could possibly be getting us killed." I confessed.

"Well one, we just have to wait until November... and two we will be fine, we've been training all this time."

"I know but...it's still a terrifying thought, this is the first fight I've ever been with another vampire."

"Did you forget about James love?"

"Well... with me as a vampire."

"You're going to be fine... Alice told me the vision she had of you fighting James, you cracked his skin by throwing a rock.... if you're that strong as a human I'm scared to see what you can do as a vampire."

"Okay, okay... stop trying to boost my ego." I said smirking, I pulled him in using some of my strength. I kissed him before pulling apart, biting his lip to tease him."

"You're cruel darlin, just cruel... Oh forgot to say something..."

"What is it?"

"Bella and Edward got engaged."

"Oh my god... are you serious?"

"Yeah, and Alice said they planned on eloping in Vegas."

"She must be really angry with those two..."

"Actually, she isn't really that mad."

"Okay, what happened to Alice?"

"I think she's starting to get a little... annoyed with Bella."

"It was bound to happen... Dad is going to kill Edward."

Edward ran toward us again and told us to be quiet. Before I could ask why Bella and Jacob came back into view.

"Well Jasper and I will do a quick sniff check... you three can stay here and.... mingle." Before they could protest we took off into the woods.

"The stench is revolting."

"It is pretty bad."

"I can't make up any Bella though, so the plan worked."

We quickly ran back down to the field, both of us had stepped down off of a broken tree laying on the ground.

"Just picked up wolf stench, no Bella." Jasper stated

Timeskip: 2 hours later

I was waiting for Alice in the Cullen's house, knowing that Alice told dad we were all going on a camping trip. I thought it would be good if we all hunted before the battle to power up. I needed all the strength I could get.

"I swear if Bella and Edward do anything in our room I am going to kick Edward to the moon." I grumbled.

"Don't worry Fleur...I'm sure Edward won't do anything." Jasper reassured, a guilty look was on his face, however.

"You threatened him didn't you?" Not buying his innocent act.

"Yes, yes I did."

"Alright everyone, we can go!" I heard Alice say outside, Dean, Jasper, Rosalie, Emmett, Esme, Carlisle, and I all made our way outside quickly.

Timeskip: 6 hours later

"Damn Emmett, at this point you're going to put bears into extinction."

"Serves them right short stack."

"Dude I am 5'9, that's pretty tall for a girl."

"But pretty short for someone who's 6'5."

"Oh shut it and hit your head in the doorway again."

"Darlin, if he keeps doing that the support beams are going to give out in the house." Jasper added.

"Nah they'll be fine, he's as tall as a support beam." I joked.

"Can't wait to kick some newborn-vampire ass," Dean said, jumping up slightly in excitement. Alice giggled and wrapped her arms around him

"Are the newborns still making their way to the field Alice?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes, they should be here at 5:15 pm tomorrow."

"We'll be ready," Carlisle said.

"You guys go ahead in, I need some quiet. I'm going to try and track Victoria."

They all nodded and went inside, I saw them all however observing me through the glass walls."

I got into my trance, rolling my eyes behind my head and I was flying through the city once again. I stopped in an underground tunnel, the likes of which was located in Seattle. I finally found her, she was talking with that man that turned me... the name I finally found out to be Riley Biers.

"You’re not coming with us?" He asked angrily.

"It’ll be a last-minute decision. I told you how it works." Victoria replied she seemed bored.

"The Cullen’s have powers according to one of your friends," Riley said skeptically.

"Yes, my friend told me... my DEAD friend. Don’t underestimate them, Riley. One of them made me have hallucinations of my friend. You’ll have the numbers, but they’ll be able to anticipate your every move. You don’t trust me do you?"

"I trust you with my life. I’m just saying…"

"I’m doing this for us so that we can feed without their…retaliation and I can’t live in fear anymore waiting for them to attack."

"I won’t let them. I’m going to end the Cullen clan. I swear."

I broke out of my trance before I could get anything else out of the conversation. I rushed inside, eager to tell them what I found.

"It was Victoria guys!" I said.

"What? I would've seen it." Alice replied.

"She was hiding behind that kid, Riley... She's letting him lead the army to us..."

#jasper whitlock x oc #jasper whitlock #jasper hale x reader #jasper cullen #jasper hale #jasper hale x oc #rosalie hale #carlisle cullen #emmett cullen #esme cullen #edward cullen #alice cullen #twilight saga #bella swan #twilight

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da-at-ass · 3 years

Text

br8k

I haven't known how to talk about my life because what's happened to it is rather incomprehensible, but basically, I've managed to have a string of really exploitative friends and romantic interests throughout my life, and apparently they've all considered me an easy mark. Easy to score expensive gifts from, easy to make promises to and then let down. I'm a person who is easily confused by social engagement because I ended up forming social bonds with cats instead of humans as a child. Apparently sociopathic narcissists, or maybe narcissistic sociopaths, really love to beeline for these attributes, and really know how to pretend to be humans who I want to help. I'm always ashamed after that I could have helped someone else who actually deserved it, you know?

So when I thought my boyfriend Rune was being abused by his spouses and deprived of food and medical attention, a conclusion I reached after over a year of complaints about hunger and a growing realization that he was 'never allowed' to be alone in a room with an internet-connected device, I decided that it was time to just call the cops for a welfare check instead of driving to Reno to find out in person exactly what was up. It was March 31st, 2020, and my husband and I were realizing that Covid was already so serious that we couldn't drive from Portland to Reno and back anyway. It just wasn't gonna be feasible. We'd have to get some sign from the cops that Rune was actually in non-dire physical condition and then Rune would need to contact us on his own to arrange some sort of transport down. Maybe we could get him to friends halfway from there to here. He didn't have a car, after all, and he'd told me he didn't drive due to how many visual hallucinations he got from his road-related PTSD when he drove.

Yeah, it was all crazy. Not the conclusion that we'd come to, no. No, what was crazy was that Rune called us after the welfare check, and refused to talk to my husband when he answered the phone. Just silence. Tiff finally passed the phone to me and then I start telling Rune that everything was going to be okay and that we weren't going to give up on him as long as he wanted to get out, and that he needed to reach out on his own, because the cops were telling us that they couldn't go into the house or help him out in any way unless he requested help himself. Us sending in a welfare check meant they could just knock on the door and ask if he could come to the door. So unless Rune reached out to them or us... nothing.

Rune was silent on the phone for a bit, which was weird, as you know... he'd called us. Then he just tirades me in a preachy voice about how this was the most arrogant, presumptive thing I could have possibly done, and he sounded beside himself in outrage. I can't remember anything he said word for word, it was all too shocking and it was right after the cops had called us back and told us he hadn't come to the door, so I was already really alarmed before the call came in.

Then I tell him that I understand the signs of abuse because of stuff about being in abusive relationships Tiff had shared with both him and I. His reply? "[TIFF'S DEADNAME]? Abuse? What are you TALKING about?" in a very loud and, to be honest, performative-sounding voice.

After that the phone glitched out and called the cops again, which was probably for the best.

Tiff and I had both talked to Rune a lot about certain things to the extent that his reply was bizarre. For awhile, Tiff and I tried to understand how Rune could respond this way. And then within days he asks for "an explanation of our reasoning" like he's waiting for a homework essay. I think when you complain during every video chat I have with you for a solid year that your husbands are yet again feeding you 3 hours too late and that you've been so hungry for so long and no one's left you any food to eat and you're starting to feel afraid and abandoned, I get concerned, and I don't think that's too hard to imagine. Nah, we gotta submit an essay for this question. Well, we don't respond exactly as he wants, and then he fires us. Like, we're blocked/banned from his discord, his Patreon (where we were both reported as malicious or something), some blogs I think, and then he posts a vague breakup poem on his personal blog, and... gods, some thing about people being meddlesome do-gooders I think? IDK, by the time he was posting reactions to his blog, we were...

Thinking.

Observing.

There's only so many times I can dream about something in the same pattern until we just look up how hypnosis works, people. It's that simple. But it also was helpful to listen to back episodes of my podcast Rune had recorded with me, Circle of Salt, and hear him actually make subvocal clicks or mic pops or verbal prompts, and I would respond without thinking to exactly what his prompt was. Basically he had me on information output, just having me talk about a specific subject until I said the thing he wanted me to say, then shutting me up. We can actually see it in the sound wave patterns how fast the response is after an audio prompt.

There's text and emoji based triggers too, things to keep me updating him in text chat, things to get me to buy him something fancy when he wants. It's not very imaginative, to be honest. Largely it was set up around making sure he didn't get caught, since as we eventually figured out, Rune was hiding his relationship with me from his three husbands. He was telling me that he'd told his husbands about us dating, but it's quite obvious he was hiding some details from them, such as the fact that he'd 'proposed' to me in Second Life while they were all asleep. Well, one good way to keep your affair on the down-low is to hypnotize your fling to not blow your cover, APPARENTLY. I mean, why haven't I been talking on this blog about my relationship with Rune almost at all until after the breakup, and then, really more recently when I've been able to break some hypno stuff?

So yeah when he tells his Patreon discord server I'm a "paranoid schizophrenic"... my guess is that he doesn't want anyone believing what it is I have to say about what I've experienced from him. Well, here's where I am: I don't think he can afford a lawyer. And I don't think his magic is worth shit. And I'm not looking for a day job ever since January 2020. So I just wanna say that Rune used magic classes and seduction classes to leech money, gifts, and time away from me, and that he constantly tried to get me to buy him something when I bought myself something, and that most gifts I got from him were obviously in retrospect regifts from other sugardaddies.

Rune also told me he had sexual partners in the triple digits, he once received "magical unicorn" reiki that "cured his vampirism," that he later used said vampirism to make a pizza restaurant waiter stop showing up to work (yes same vampirism, don't expect these stories to be logical), that he knew a lady who'd had her unpublished book manuscript stolen by Donald Trump and used in a ritual to magically steal her success and then become president... oh man, do I have any more? There's so much I've never said. Oh yeah, he really enjoyed explaining feminism to women. Just really, really enjoyed it, like they'd never heard of male privilege before and he had descended from heaven to educate them.

Oh, and in late 2019 he mailed me a 1' 'statue of himself' that was basically a generic D&D mage standing with a dragon. It was a ceramic template figure you could custom paint--he said a friend of his had painted the figure to look like him. Raistlin robes and everything. He said he'd like me to put it somewhere safe in an altar setting, with some stuff to keep it company. Yeah he wanted me to set up an altar for it and worship him, basically. Well, when we called the cops, we put the statue in the basement, because we noticed how mega-weird that all was. After he posted the breakup poem on his blog, I took the figure upstairs and stuffed it into a pillowcase and slammed it against the floor. It shattered on the second swing. On the first, it left a pit in the laminate. Rune says he wants to make his mark in the world--he already has! It's the stupid dent he left in my floor.

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karaxreds · 5 years

Text

Best Friends ( Part Three) - Dele Alli

It was probably one of the greatest night you've spent in the last couple of months, you were out on your date with Winksey and he really did make you forget everything for the night.

You two have literally been together all day not just for dinner and you were glad he called you in the morning.

You two just finished having dinner and he was driving you home, both of you singing your lungs out to the blasting music.

The only sad thing about the night is that he told you that he won't be able to play the second leg at the Etihad in the next couple of days, his injury was more serious than they thought and he might even need surgery, not sure yet.

Once you made it to your street, he parked in front of your building and you were kinda sad that your date was over now.

"Thank you, so much for today." You told him softly.

"I am the one who should thank you, for accepting to spend the day with me." He give you one of his charming smiles.

His gaze then dropped to your lips and he couldn't help but leaning a little bit as a sign of what he wanted to do.

You leaned in as well both your heads meeting halfway and he put his soft lips on yours, so gently and it felt so weird.

You kissed for a few more seconds, but you couldn't help but compare it to your kiss with Dele and everything about him.

Harry was the first one to pull away and by the look on his eyes, you knew he felt it too.

"I am so sorr-"

"It's okay." He nodded, giving you a sad smile.

And that's when you broke down sobbing, once again for a boy that you never thought you would feel like this.

You handed the freckled boy a cup full of tea, he smiled mumbeling a small thank you.

After shamelessly having a mental break down in his car he waited until you stopped crying and you invited him into you flat and he just didn't want to let you alone in that moment.

"I am so sorry, Haz." You lowered your head, looking down at your cup of tea.

"Hey." He said, lifting your head up with one of his fingers. "It's okay, you don't have to be sorry, babe."

"You're too nice." You sighed.

"And you're too beautiful to cry." He smiled, "No one deserves those precious tears not even Dele."

"How do you know that he's the reason of my break down?" You asked, wondering how on earth he knows anything about that story.

"When Dele first introduced us, I was so jealous." He chuckled, "I thought you were dating, but he clarified that you two were best friends and only that, but I never believed him."

"Why?"

"The way he looks at you and how he gets so protective." He told you. "But when he told me thay he was dating an other girl, I was kinda glad, I thought that I might have a chance with you but you also got into a relationship."

"Oh god, I am so sorry." You cried, hiding your face with your hands.

"Hey." He said, grabbing your hands. "I am not telling you to make you feel bad, just so you know that he doesn't see you as just a friend." He pointed out,making your heart skip a beat at the thought.

"It doesn't really matter anymore." You mumbled, sipping on your tea.

"I am sure he still does love you." He said, putting a hand on your thigh.

"You're making me feel bad, god." You whined, "I had such a great day with you, I swear-"

"But just as a friend, it's okay doll. I had a chance with you and I took it, it just wasn't meant to be." He give a genuine smile and hearing those words made you feel a bit less guilty.

"So...we're good?"

"Great." He nodded, squeezing your arm. "Now why don't you start from the beginning and tell me what happened between you two?"

You give him an indecisive look before you finally decided to tell him everything that happened between the two of you.

You could feel your head pounding along with the beat of the music, the house was pretty much crowded. It was supposed to be a small party he said, a small birthday party.

A few days have passed and you were spending much more time with Harry, as friends of course. Tonight was the birthday of one of his best friends and he insisted that you come with him so you can have a good time, he also promised that as soon as you felt uncomfortable you two would leave the party.

"Come on, gonna introduce you to the lads." He said, pushing you slightly through the house with his hand placed on the small of your back.

You didn't answer you just followed him silently as he lead you to a couple who were standing in the corner of the kitchen, with bottle of beers in their hands.

"There's the birthday boy." Harry yelled, smiling widely at his friend.

"Here's the semi-finalist!" His friend responded, referring to spurs' incredible win against manchester City a couple of days ago at the Etihad.

You watched as the two shared a brotherly hug then Harry give a quick hug to the girl next to him, murmuring something you couldn't hear.

"And who's this gorgeous girl?" His friend asked, smiling down at you. "Finally got yourself a beaucoup girl, I see."

Harry rolled his eyes, introducing you to both Kyle and his girl.

"She's my friend but she's my date for tonight." He wrapped an arm around your shoulder.

"I remember you now!" Kyle suddenly yelled, "You're Dele's best friend."

You grimaced as he uttered his name and Harry let out a sigh.

"He arrived just a few minutes before you two though." He told you two.

You felt your body freeze at the news, your eyes widened and you looked up at Harry who looked at his friends uncomfortably.

"We're going to go see the others, we'll see you in a few, yeah?" They both nodded and mumbled a quick 'see ya'.

"I swear I didn't know he was coming otherwise I would've never-" You quickly cut him off.

"Haz, It's okay." You genuinely smiled, "I know. We live in the same area, we're bound to bump into each others sooner or later." You shrugged.

"Okay." Was his only answer, he clearly didn't believe you.

"Let's go see the others yeah?"

"Sure, Yeah."

Half an hour later, the house was evem more crowded. You lost Harry through the crowd, last thing you know is that he said he'll be coming back in a few, he was going for a wee.

You were a bit tipsy to be honest, you decided to stop drinking before you get completely wasted.

You chatted for a bit with one of the girls Harry has introduced you to, she was a really nice. Once she excused herself too to go somewhere you were left all alone.

You wandered around the house with a pouty face looking for Harry, he was nowhere to be seen and you started to feel lonely.

Untill you heard someone call your name.

The voice you have missed so dearly, you stopped in your tracks and waited to see if you couls hear the voice again, because you had too many drinks so you thought that you were probably hallucinating.

"You're here." He said again, in half a second he was standing in front of you.

He looked hot, just like he always did when he wasn't wearing his tracksuit but instead a pair of black jeans and a simple white tee.

"Um, Hi." You nodded awkwardly, your eyes once again searching around for the freckled boy.

"You came here alone?" He asked curiously.

"Nope." You answered, "With Haz."

"You're here with Harry?" He mumbled, his face turning a light shade of red. "You two seem to get along quite well, I see." He added, his voice laced with jealousy.

"We've always got along pretty damn well, Alli." You suddenly snapped, "We just haven't been hanging out too much,which we are now."

You watched as his grip on the bottle he was holding tighten, his knuckles turning white.

"Are you two together?"

"It's none of your business, to be fair." You sighed, your eyes finally meeting his.

"I broke up with Ruby." He blurts out.

And you felt your heart beat race as if it was going to stop, once again.

Part Four will be out tomorrow night,probablu the last part as well.

I am sorry for any mistakes, this not edited amd my first language isn't english. I am sorry once more,I hope you enjoyed reading it ❤

#Football imagines #footballers imagines #footballers one shot #football one shot #one shots #imagines #Dele Alli imagines #Dele Alli #Dele #Tottenham Hotspurs

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psychotic-psypport · 5 years

Note

Aye I'm having auditory hallucinations again yay! It's 5 am I haven't gone to bed yet and all I can hear are people having sex in my completely quiet house. Also beeps and guns and I'm just like freakin out sweet. I'm trying to calm down by writing this and I've got fans on and playing some mindless YouTube but my hallucinations are like faint. They sound like they are happening in a room next door or something. Always have. Kinda makes it worse

(This isn't a vent thing I know but I've been having these bizarre hallucinations since 2016. I was admitted but I never really took my meds like an idiot after I got out. I've recovered for the most part but they came and go depending on how stressed my life is. I'm broke and tbh terrified of medications. I'm the anon from before. Is therapy really so bad? I'm terrified of feeling numb like I did before.When I went to the hospital they didn't help one bit. In fact during my evaluation I was in a room full of students studying me with the main doctor. My psychiatrist they had said I was hearing people have sex because I have relationship problems and then started a tangent about her own personal life and her problem with her husbands pornography. Everyone I was there with was like really old and told me they have been in and out bc their meds would stop working. It was a terrifying experience)There's a couple things I want to address here.First off, I'm so sorry I answered this so late, I wanted to sit down and give you a worthy response. Beyond that, I want to say you're not an idiot by any extent. Meds can be terrifying, they can be scary. I believe in some cases, the side effects are worth it, but that's your decision to make and it's up to you to decide if that's the right path for you. I'm also pretty mad at your psych. I assure you that not all psychiatrists or therapists are like that, the ones that have worked with me were absolutely wonderful. They're a great example of what doctors can do for us. I suggest you pursue a new psych, someone who is willing to listen to you. Hallucinations can be serious business, and you deserve someone who will acknowledge them and help you deal with them. Your hallucinations sound super stressful and I'm sorry you're dealing with that. Usually my advice includes loud music or podcasts, something to focus on instead.I'm so sorry your experience at the hospital was so awful, but I promise that's not the way everyone is. There are good people out there in this world who want to help you. Keep searching for them.I hope things get easier soon and if you want, you can dm me any time and I'll get back to you as fast as possible. I might not be able to fix this, but I'm absolutely here to listen. I'm sending you all of my love and good vibes. You're going to be alright.

#Ask #anon #answered

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