#I had all these plans to make birthday art and i couldnt even do that

[sketchy-tour]

AYO YOU MADE IT ANOTHER YEAR AROUND THE WORLD!!

CONGRATS AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

THANK YOU IMA THANK YOU AWAAAAAAAAAH

#just rambling #text post #ask #I had all these plans to make birthday art and i couldnt even do that #lmao man im off my game #OH WELL #spinning spinning now i gotta find a way to celebrate!!!!!!

[just-rogi]

this is so stupid but im depressed, and im angry im depressed because i want to be happy right now you dont understand. i have been struggling so fucking bad these past few months when my health went downhill and i had to go on medical leave, i couldnt see my friends for so long, and i stopped getting paid and its fine i have money saved up but i feel insane guilt at spending any money on anything at all for pleasure while im off work. like ive dropped hundreds on doctors appointments in the past two months and cant rationalize concert tickets or shit. ive been having just bouts of anxiety and grief and i can manage them because i know HOW to manage them but its just frustrating doing all the depression upkeep when i WANT to be happy. i turned twenty two last month and i havent celebrated my birthday since i was in fourth grade because of reasons, and i was really scared of being let down so i just dont celebrate, but this year i begged my closest friend- i dont want a party i dont want people there, i just want to not be alone, and not be sad and i want to listen to 22 by taylor swift. and due to an emergency she had to cancel on me at nine pm the night before and i was so upset about changing plans i just wasnt able to regulate my emotions or be there with my other friend who showed up at my apartment unexpectedly, because i wasnt emotionally ready to be happy, i just didnt want to be devastatingly sad. I have been waiting to play 22 by taylor swift on my 22nd birthday for at least a decade. its so fucking stupid, its SO fucking stupid, but i was so disoriented and depressed that i cant bring myself to listen to it which is dumb because its not even a good song but it was supposed to be happy. my grandmother was the only member of my family who wished me a happy birthday, and less than a week later was easter and i wasnt invited but all my siblings were there. and im trying so hard to go for walks and talk to friends and go to the library and make art, but i keep going to doctors appointments and i cant do shit i used to be able to do and i feel so isolated at home... and it just kinda hit me... im not excited to listen to the new taylor swift album tonight. what the fuck. im taylor swift girl. im like THE swiftie friend. there were people in highschool who only knew me because i loved taylor swift, hell even on tumblr i was known for my stochastic terrorist taylor swift post that went viral, and.... i dont care. Its not even that i dont care- its that i actively dont WANT to listen to the album tonight. my phone lock screen is a sylvia plath poem, i have a full shelf of just my favorite poets, like poetry and taylor swift are my favorite things in the world and everyone knows it... and im not excited. what the fuck. i want to be excited again. i want to be happy about this. im sick of doing depression manitence and going outside and eating fruit and taking showers and going on walks. IM ANGRY BECAUSE IM SICK AND I DONT HAVE ANSWERS AND EVERY WEEK IS A NEW DOCTORS APPOINTMENT AND I DONT EVEN GET TO BE HAPPY ABOUT TAYLOR SWIFT???? cmon man its hard enough i just want to be feeling something again. i deserve to be happy about this so why am i miserable and apathetic. i get it. im a swiftie and taylor isnt even that good and its not even something special because she releases new music every other week..... but man... i want to be excited about something again. its not my fault this time- i did everything right and im still just so fucking sad i cant cope

[frecklystars]

feels absolutely fucking devastating that i cant look at TF without getting nauseous. i tried to draw starscream giving me a hug bc i miss him and i need him but i couldnt make it past 5 minutes without getting sick. i cant do it. i cant fucking do it. i hate my abuser for what she did to me, i hate that she took my joy from me. i spend all this time loving all over ryan's/margot's characters but then i get hit with this fucking empty numb stab to the chest when i remember what i lost. i spent 3 years thinking about TF nonstop so of course my brain is automatically remembering TF because it's used to receiving serotonin from that -- but now when TF pops into my head, it's like, i get that sick feeling, this ache in my core that's like... i lost something that helped me stay alive and i feel aimless without it. i love ken but he isnt starscream. i love six but he isnt bee. i love seb but he isn't fixit.

well it really isn't my birthday unless if i'm having a fucking breakdown right. i wasn't supposed to live this year. i say that every year, but this was such a bad fucking year, this was the worst year of my life and it just keeps fucking going. i cannot put into words how much of your own life trauma takes from you. it's the only thing your brain can think about and you're even hurting when you're asleep. i attempted to take my life so many times and someone i trusted used that against me, took advantage of my vulnerability and turned my only comfort characters against me. im bitter and im depressed and i just want that part of myself back but it just feels so hopeless

there was nothing that comforted me the way TF did, the cameos i bought, the comics i made, the animatics i planned, the playlists with hundreds of songs that i can no longer listen to. the endless amounts of shows and movies i could have spent time enjoying. fuck, if i didn't meet my abuser, i'd be enjoying earthspark. i've heard that stsc is treated with respect there, that his abuse is taken seriously. and he's voiced. by steve. blum. and i would have loved it. i would have wept for it. i would have made so much art. that was MY JOY that was fucking ROBBED from me. steve blum told me with his own voice in his own words looking into my eyes, keri i hope you enjoy earthspark, im excited for you to see starscream. and i. cant.

it's horrifying when my therapist tells me that my reaction to TF isnt just a c-ptsd trigger response but it's also a grief response. that im grieving this Thing because it's so ruined. and it's not just TF that i lost, it's... the experiences, like, what the hell dude i met steve blum after two years of buying so many personalized voice clips from him. that man held me in his arms and squeezed me so tight and he acted like he was as excited to meet me as i was to meet him. he recognized my name written on that envelope i gave to him, and was so overjoyed to meet his "little starflower". that was the best moment of my life and now i look back on it and i just cry about it bc i feel nothing. im so numb to everything related to TF and the voice actors. i've spent hours chatting back and forth with the voice actor for fixit... i have so many cameos and messages/chats where he was so kind to me and we'd talk about anything and everything. i have so many cameos from so many different TF voice actors, instant messages, shoutouts. and when i replay the voice clips of the characters saying "i love you" to me, to me, personalized with my name, it's like i'm hearing them but i'm not internalizing them. like the love the characters have for me is hitting an invisible forcefield and it won't reach me anymore. it's like all of the time i spent loving and being loved by these characters meant jack shit. i had special experiences with real people! with real voice actors!! i had!!! conversations!!! ive had my artwork held in these peoples hands!!!! my art is on steve blum's desk!!!! his agent promoted my artwork on instagram three separate times before he put it on all of his websites and i can't be happy about that anymore. i'm trying! i'm trying!! but i feel nothing! it's not like i want to feel this way!

and im bitter about it. i was mistreated for so long, and when i was offline, unable to defend myself, my abuser spread rumors about me to artists that i had never even met. our friends in our inner circle blocked me when i was hurting and i hadn't even spoken to them in months, and when i asked why i was suddenly unable to chat with them, she said "don't worry about it." she spent MONTHS trying to tarnish my name despite the fact that i cut ties with her way back in the beginning of the year. i remember the time she told me over the phone "i'm getting attached to you... it's not good. that's going to be a problem for you." and i didn't know what she meant at the time but god that was my 50 billionth red flag that i overlooked. she told me repeatedly that she hurts people. i almost thought she was bragging about it, she wore her misery like a badge. i just kept taking excuse after excuse after excuse until this person killed the core part of myself. i had no strength to fight back. i hate myself for putting up with all of her shitty behavior. i sometimes wish i never ever got into TF at all in the first place, so i'd never meet her, so i'd never know all of the f/os that i lost

barbie at least breathed a little bit of life back into me but i still have days where i feel like a zombie. im just a dead body feeling like my heart was ripped out of me and im supposed to just go through the fucking motions as if nothing happened? as if someone didnt spend over a year hurting me on purpose every chance she got? and i spent the whole day today trying so so so hard to enjoy my birthday, but i had ptsd flashbacks at work. i still have nightmares about my f/os physically hurting me and saying that they're doing it for my abuser. sometimes i have nightmares about ken hurting me, the dream starts off really soft but then suddenly my abuser will show up and it's as if he's under a spell, and he snaps into some entirely different person, fists raised and he becomes a monster. i've never associated my abuser with any of ryan's characters but! im just traumatized! i guess!!!

i didnt start to enjoy my bday today until i sat down to watch the barbie movie with one of my friends. but once that ended i saw that inbox message of someone loving starscream so much and it made me so nauseous. i miss him. i had something so fucking special and it's ruined and i just want it back. im never getting it back. "this is not a temporary love" was just a big fucking joke. my saving starlight AU, all of the years i've spent working on my stories and my universes, everything i've done, all of it was so pointless. it's so painful to look at a comfort character and to flinch, to immediately think that they'd have no greater joy than to betray me the way my abuser did. she would go into such explicit detail about the vile, disgusting things they would do, the most atrocious unspeakable things, and i can't shake that out of my head. i keep holding onto blind hope that i can heal from it but it feels hopeless

i can only afford therapy once a month now, i can't afford my meds, i'm never going to have parents or siblings who will love me. i wasn't supposed to live to see my bday this year and i am so fucking angry that none of my attempts worked. there's one attempt that was so close and i think about it at least once every few days, how i'd surely succeed if i tried one more time. and that scares me!!! i don't want to think like that!!!! i want to get better damn it!!!! i'm so sick of feeling so goddamn bad!!!! but i've never had self shipping be ruined for me like that, i've never had comfort characters be ruined for me, i've never had a special interest be turned into a trigger and used against me. i've never been betrayed by someone i trusted like that.

i am grateful for barbie/ken/six/etc but god it's not enough. it's not starscream, it's not bee, it's not what i had before. it's not the same. and when this hyperfixation fades i'm going to go back to feeling nothing, and i'm so terrified of that. i don't want to go back to crawling and begging to feel something again. i'm shocked this hyperfixation has lasted longer than 2 months. i don't want to lose it, i'm so scared of when i'll lose it and when i'll be completely empty again.

i am so broken it's like someone spent over a year stabbing me with a dull knife and then cutting me off from a handful of my friends, kicking me into the dirt and everyone expects me to just get up and brush it off. and i feel like people don't understand this feeling unless if they've experienced abuse/ptsd as well. it feels like my bday every year gets worse and worse and if i'm going to feel this fucking bad i wish that something inside of me would finally just kill me. i'm sick of being so heartbroken and if things can't get better then i really just want it all to be over. i dont care whats in the afterlife, if there's something or if there's nothing, anything is better than this constant misery eating me up

#vent #delete later #suicide mention

[officalaizawa003]

"Happy birthday to me..."

It was the day of Aizawa's birthday. He, for once, let himself get excited for this year. He had class 1-a and his huband to celebrate with! He walked around the school. It was a tuesday, and usually the hallway was packed with students and teachers but not today. It was...empty. He checked classrooms, nothing. He checked the teachers lounge, nothing. The dorms? Nothing. Where was everyone? He was back in the school when kirshima and froppy walked by carrying a box. "Oh hey guys!" Aizawa waved and they both gasps and ran as fast as they could past him. They seemed...scared. What had he done? He heard a door open a few feet away and sprited to the art supply room where he saw mic, with an even bigger box then kirishama and froppy had. "Oh Mic thank god! Where is everyone? Why is everyone so scared of me-" Aizawa looked up. His very own husband was trembling before him, eyes widened. "H-hizashi...what did I do wrong...why are you scared of me...?" Aizawa was in near tears but he didnt care. He had to have some answers he just had too! He reached up to touch mics face, who slapped his hand away and ran away. There was only one hope left. Princapal nezu was always in his office. It seemed like he lived in his office! He ran to his office and slammed the doors open. Nezu hid something behind his desk. "A-ah eraserhead stay back! Dont come any closer!" Nezu gasped as he saw a tear leave aizawa's eyes, followed by many others. "I-Im sorry...I'll stay away...I promise...And whatever I did..", aizawa sniffed as he walked backwards, nezu trying to approach him,"I'm sorry...". Aizawa ran away, not even closing the doors. Nezu sighed and closed the doors. Aizawa slammed the door to his dorm and reached in the mini fridge he had for a small cupcake and lit the candle. He sobbed as he sang, "Happy birthday to me...Happy birthday to me...happy birthday happy birthday...happy birthday to me..." Aizawa blew out the candle. His room filling with darkness once again. He turned on his phone and scrolled through his photos. There it was: The picture of everyone he loved. Midnight,Mic,Class 1-A, even shinsou and eri were in the picture. Mic had "forced him" to take a picture with them. He smiled softly then turned off his phone, frowned, and threw it onto his bed as hard as he could. He was always there for them and on the one day he wanted them to be there for him, they decided to leave him in ghosttown. It's my fault... I shouldnt have gotten my hopes up...The tears came flooding back as he sobbed in the dark, thinking of all the things he could have done to make everyone so scared of him. He eventually cried himself to sleep right there in the chair.

When he woke up the realized immediatly something was wrong. The chair he was in was cold, as if he had just been placed there. It was dark and he couldnt make out his surroundings. He reached for his scarf and realized it wasnt on his neck. He heard soft whispers and everyone once-in-a-while they heard a loud shush that would silence the room for only a mere momment. Whoever was there was planning an ambush. He didnt even know what time it was. He had probably slept through his birthday. Thank god he did too. He had to fight tho, it was kill or get killed. He silently sat up when the lights clicked on, blinding him. "SURPRISE!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY AIZAWA-SENSEI!". When he regained his vision he saw everything he'd ever wanted to see. Class 1-A, Mic, midnight, shinsou,eri, even nezu, vlad, and all might were there. "W-what? I dont...-" Mic placed his hand on aizawa's shoulder making him flinch. "Its okay sho-I mean eraser! This is your birthday party! Loosen up!" He placed a kiss on aizawa's forehead. "But I thought you guys were scared of me...when you saw me you-"

"Thats because midnight threatened everyone here that if you found out that we were throwing you a party she'd kill us in the most brutal way possible! We could never be scared of you!"

Aizawa chuckled, letting a smile escape. " I dont know if I should take that as a compliment or an insult." Mic smiled and helped aizawa out of his chair. As soon as aizawa sat up, tears starting falling again and everyone starting comforting him. "Whats wrong mr aizawa? Arent you happy? I mean im sure this isnt the best birthday party youve had but-"

"Problem child this is the only birthday party ive had. And yeah I really am happy."

Everyone gasps? "YOUVE NEVER HAD A BIRTHDAY PARTY BEFORE?"

"Nope. My parents only threw my sister a birthday party. The rest of my siblings and I would make one cupcake and wish ourselves a happy birthday. For 31 years Ive never had a proper party or anyone to celebrate with."

Bakugou sighed. "It doesnt matter that youve never had a birthday party before old man!"

Midnight raised her hand, ready to smack him.

"You didnt let me finish! It doesnt matter because this party is gonna make up for all 31 years!" Midnight nodded and slowly dropped her hand.

Aizawa smiled at him. Mic forces aizawa to look at him and their lips meet. Everyone execpt mineta cheers (he snuck in and got kicked out immedatly). The rest of the day was amazing. A proper cake, gifts as far and the eye could see and lots and lots of sweets (which are secretly aizawa's favorite). After the party mic and aizawa went to the "afterparty" (wink wink). THE END

#longest story ever #aizawa shouta #present mic #eraserhead #erasermic #deku #yamada hizashi #officalaizawa003 #all might #midnight #wink wink #angst with a happy ending

[awoken-artist]

Update on Posts! - Ive moved to another state!

so, yeah this was the biggest...first move ive ever done...

27 years [my entire life] ive lived in california..and now moved out of california to texas.. its a brand new start, im still getting stressed and anxious and..home sick for the most part now im ways away from my old home. thankfully my old house is now owned by my eldest cousin, so we can visit them anytime we visit california, if able. we plan to in july for my grandmas 80th birthday.

not only that but two of my friends are planning to move as well, but have to wait until april to do so...but it was very emotional to talk about the move cause i just wanted to cry... and they are in the same boat when it comes to the move. im happy though i get to hang out with them before leaving, same for one of my other friends too.

my friend brea and I hang out at her house, and watched some anime, but mostly just watched anime we used to watch back in middle school for old time sake. watch a bit of the FMA 03 series but i felt i wanted to watch naruto, and we did and it was my second anime obsession of mine back then and i wanted to revisit because its been way too long. yeah uh WE MADE FUN OF SAKURA AND NAURTO FOR OBSESSING OVER SASUKE AND WERE LIKE WOW XD its hilarious and poke fun at the episodes.

I hang out with my boyfriend more when nearing the end of when we will prepare to move...we hang out at night getting some ice cream after having dinner out with my parents and my boyfriend tagged along with us. it was great but lord i know i ate too much that time.

it was very emotional... we stayed at my aunts for two nights, went to my grandmothers for 3-4 nights then back to my aunts and final day staying was at our house for the final time until we get up at 4 am or 6 am to get ready and leave on the road. [yeah we drove out of cali to texas... not fun XD]

it was very very very emotional when i had to say goodbye to my aunt and uncle, especially my aunt.. she knows im emotional and got emotional herself. she plans to visit in january of next month and i cant wait when she fly on over. my grandma said she'll come to texas cause one of our family members actually lives in texas and she visits her when she can. so gives her excuse to come visit. :3

i can say even though it was emotional to a high degree with saying goodbye to my friends, and my family that im way more close with, it was very very very very hard to say bye to my boyfriend. i couldnt stop wanting to cry and my eyes couldnt stop watering at all, and the feeling of a lump in my throat kept on coming and i just wanted to cry and bawl against his chest. he knows im very emotional person, and.. a worry wart and anxious but he tells me over and over and over again hes not going anywhere and I wont lose him..

i still held onto his grandmothers ring he gave me and his two other rings as well..and the ring he bought me too [even though the rose quartz stone was being a butt staying in >:[ its the changeable stone kind] and i know i'll see him again and dayum straight im glomping the fuck out of him and cry.

i also cant wait until we finally have a house together, i dont care where it will be i cant wait for that in the future. hes my future and im his and we cant wait when the time comes with that. for now we stay in touch on discord and video chat whenever we could.

it'll be a long long journey for me, it'll take some time getting settled in the new house, but otherwise i know i'll feel this way regardless [like moving in with my boyfriend and such if you get what i mean?]

i await what happens next, i am still going to do what i love to do. draw, make art of my characters, do streaming, and more.

i also told myself that i should quit waiting or hesitating to write more of my comic i went back and forth on writing and updating for YEARS on, because i know there will be those that wont like it and will like it. i am no people pleaser, i do want my comics to be entertaining and be great at least to me. im no professional writer but i hope my comic and my other comics you guys will find much enjoyment with.

i also plan on doing comics with my fandom ocs like My hero academia, FMA, and so on.

im now back and settling in my new house and cant wait to share any arts i wasnt able to share in time possibly, with you guys when i was in process of moving. so now im at the new house i can show ya guys.

hope you guys are having a lovely holiday!! ^u^

#update #blog

[anandasamsara]

Just ranting for a bit here, bc people wont see it and then i can take things off my chest.

Im feeling really lost. I worked all year to open my store, and then i had the biggest and most challenging commission i ever got (and i only ever got like, 3) to make just as i opened shop. The 2 or 3 days between opening the store and starting the commission, i felt terrible, bc it was like i hit an end and there was nothing after. 

And now im at the same place again. I only feel a spark of excitement over new orders at the store (only five in almost 20 days) and then its over. I feel bored out of my mind, but no idea what to do. I keep having new ideas for new products, but i can’t do that until i get at least half of my investment back, which i can see will take a long while.

I also feel disconnected of everything. I get distracted trying to enjoy my hobbies, sidetracked and ignored in conversations with more than one friend at the same time, fully ignored and discarded in other friend groups. Im tired of being stuck inside while my parents go out as if nothing was really that bad. Im angry that they get to see people and i cant see any of my friends bc my family is putting me in risk, and i will not put anyone else in risk bc of it.

I did see 2 friends the past 2 weeks. My bro came here to get his things that he bought from my store and another artist’s one that we bought together, but i saw him for less than a minute and he was off. We barely talked, i couldnt touch him bc of his health issues. Yesterday i saw my last crush and friend from uni for the same reason, but he hugged me immediatelly. I was almost panicking, but it felt soo good to finally hug someone after so long. We talked for a while trading problems and ideas and making plans to see each other again when it all ends. But that was it.

Then i got home and mom came with news that my baby cousin’s birthday party will be at his godfather’s place, the other side of the next city, and they want me to go. We dont have a car, we dont have 300 bucks for the there and back uber, and i wont risk public transportation. Fight number one has already happened, and i can only imagine how many more will come.

I’m starting to feel like everything is pointless. Even my most dedicated friends are getting fed up with it all and starting to let go and go out and such. I had to go get some things from a courrier service and mom went with me, convinced me to eat at a restaurant, then got mad at me bc i was having a panic attack bc some guys were fully and loudly ignoring all safety precautions in place. People are getting this mentality of “if i die, i die”, but no one stops to think how many more they’re taking with them. I dont want this to happen to anyone, particularly me, and i dont know what i’d do if i accidentally let it happen to someone i care about bc of me, or my family. If my bro catches it somehow, and i have an inkling that i might be responsible, i dont know what i’d be capable of, truly. 

And yet, im anxious to see them, to hug everyone, or to just be in proximity. Im terrible at staying in contact over only online means, im not really part of any group. I dont have anything to talk about. The last messages between me and my friends are mostly me trying to find something to talk about and it falling to the void of unread or ignored messages, i guess. I dont know how to keep in touch with people anymore. I probably never knew.

I think the only other time i felt so lonely was when i broke my foot in 2011. I couldnt walk for 6 full months, and eventually everyone got tired of me. It was when i started using tumblr, when i learned english, gotten into fanfic, bc there was nothing else to do and no one else to talk to. This time around i turned to art, but apparently even that has a limit, as my right arm starts hurting the more hours i keep at it.

And this all is only part of my problems, but i guess i’ll stop here.

[paintmearainbow]

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

#harrystyles #harrystylesimagines #harrystylesangst #angstimagines #newwritersclub #newwriter #imagines #love #whatislove #angst #sadimagines #reblog #comment #y/n #harry x y/n #harry x you #harry styles x reader #reader x character #reader × harry #firstimagine #writer #excerpt from a book i'll never write #Spotify

[lowkeyhockey]

kiss me once (you know i had a long night) - freddie andersen

Prompt: Do you have any idea who you just pissed off?

Pairing: Freddie Andersen/Single Mother!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of sexual activity

Word Count: 1.9k

Writer’s Notes: Shoutout to my first fic! It’s a oneshot that’s going to be part of a bigger verse titled Can I Go (Where You Go) featuring [Y/N], a single mother, Lila, your five year old daughter, and Freddie Andersen - a man very happy to be dragged along for the ride. Each oneshot fic can be read as a standalone, and the fics won’t have the same rating/warnings, so make sure you check! Thanks so much for reading, and please hmu if you have a prompt/request/critique!

Summary: Someone went to bed a little angry, someone’s utterly exhausted, and someone (probably) needs a cold shower. But hey, we all have our problems 8D

"Do you have any idea who you just pissed off?" 

 Even his famous goalie reflexes couldn't save him from the dinosaur stuffie you threw at his face - and if you were thinking more rationally you'd realise that he'd let you play target practice to let your frustrations out, but you weren't, so you didn't. Still, you couldn't help the slight smile that grew (despite your best efforts) on your face just from watching the bear slowly slide down, its wide, pearly white grin replaced by Freddie's furrowed brow like a real life slide transition.

 But then, seeing Freddie's face usually made you smile. It was kind of a hazard of the job. Maybe someone stronger, someone more used to seeing the kind of gentle concern Freddie currently had in his eyes, might have been better equipped against his face, especially considering the year and a half you'd been together. 

 Someone else might have built up an immunity, or allowed familiarity to breed contempt. But for you, both scenarios were impossible things - more science fiction than possibility - and your poor daughter was suffering for it. 

 Of course, what you called suffering someone else might consider sleeping in her bed, all five years and two hours of her completely turned off from the world, pudgy little arms wrapped around a Carlton the Bear bear Freddie had gotten for her before he'd gone on his roadie. 

 The fact that Carlton had replaced Barney - your birthday present for Lila from last year - in her bed had nothing to do with your using Barney as a makeshift weapon. Nope. You were just doing what every single single mother quickly learned to do - that was, use every single tool in her arsenal to get the job done. 

 Poor Freddie had had to be reminded of it the hard way, the reminder coming barely seconds after he himself had walked through the front door, as quiet about it as thief - or a dad coming home at two am, long after he'd promised his little girl he'd be home. 

 He caught Barney with both hands before the stuffie could hit the ground, left his luggage bag by the door as he walked to you, holding the toy out like a peace offering. God, but he looked gorgeous this way - red hair tousled like he'd ran his hands through it out of frustration a time or ten, those large hands of his dwarfing the toy, his game day suit rumpled in a way that begged you to go and take it off for him. You'd be doing both of you, not to mention the suit, a favour, really. 

More than one suit’s been found with a button missing after Freddie’s had to undress himself, with you waiting for him in your shared bed.

 Freddie in a suit was a sight meant to set your heart racing. Freddie freshly out of a suit - even the idea of it  should probably have sent you into cardiac arrest by now. The fact that you were still standing, still giving him that tired half-smile masquerading as a frown, was probably something of a medical miracle. 

 But then, since meeting Freddie, you'd never managed to forget exactly how lucky you are. 

Lila wasn't allowed to leave her toys lying around and Freddie usually kept to the rule too, and this time he dropped Barney into the toy bin against the wall before he filled his arms with you instead - holding on so tight that you could imagine, for a few seconds, that he was never going to let go. It was nice to dream that he wouldn't, to relax against his solid warmth, to rest your forehead against his shoulder. 

 You couldnt hug him back - his arms were too tight around you, held you too close, and you wanted to tease him about the way he seemed to deliberately keep you from grabbing onto any more weapons - but you couldn't do that, either. 

 Not when he leaned down to brush his lips against your hair, then your temple, then the high point of your cheekbone, sliding down your jaw as though dying for a taste of each last inch of you. He'd pulled far enough away from you by then for you to rest a palm against his chest, huffing out his name and - again - trying to sound more annoyed than amused and - again - failing, and the next time his lips landed against your skin you could feel the way they were twisted into a smile. 

 Solid, stoic Freddie Andersen could barely kiss his girl without breaking out into a grin - you grinned yourself then to feel it, to imagine the way his boys would (and have) hoot in laughter to see it, and that was maybe the signal Freddie needed - the next time his lips landed on you, they landed squarely against your own, his tongue brushing against your lower lip until you relented and allowed him to kiss you more deeply. 

 Allowed him to make you lose your mind, in other words, stealing your breath and making you forget you had a kindergartner in the room right off your living room, the soft glide of his tongue against yours making you wish for his tongue to slide - just as smooth - elsewhere. He knew all of your favourite spots. 

Freddie was the one to pull away, thumb brushing at your lips until you realised you were pouting up at him. Though whether that was because of his late arrival, or Carlton, or the fact that he'd stopped kissing you was up for debate. Come to think of it, there was a lot he needed to make up to you for. 

 "You?" he asked, voice coming out sleep-rough, the one word coming out as half-an exhalation against your lips - making you wish, again, that he was kissing you, would keep kissing you, would let you kiss him all over. 

 But then, communication was - you've been told - a healthy part of any relationship.  

 And his still-furrowed brow look was filled with enough hope to make you laugh aloud, reaching up to wrap your arms around his neck. "You wish you'd pissed me off," you shoot back, tilting your head to Lila's bedroom door. "She knew you weren't going to make it to her birthday. She's fine with that. But we both hoped you'd be back in time to tuck her in. That was her last night as a five year old." 

 "Okay, but she's been telling everyone she's six for five months now."

 You laugh again, this time at the attack on your daughter - what a mother you are. But Freddie was smiling too, the crease in his brow fading away at the sound of your laughter, so maybe it was okay. By this point, Freddie was almost as much of a parent as you are - god knows he's read more books on the subject than you ever did. 

 "You believed her," you pointed out, curling the fingers of the hand you still had against his chest - a tool at your disposal, ready for use - and pulling him down until you could kiss him again. He allowed you three brief pecks, each time teasing, chuckled low in his chest when you let out a frustrated groan. 

 "Greedy," he chided, and you were just about to tell him exactly how greedy he makes you feel when he tilts his head to Lila's door, looking - again - like someone had had to put down a dog, and it was somehow his fault. 

 Freddie tended to take the whole world onto his shoulders - he did it with his team, he did it with his friends, and he did it with your family - the family he insisted to the world was his, with every little thing he ever did. 

 Like take Lila to family skate, patiently teaching her how to take baby steps and how to get up each time she fell, until she was racing across the ice (while you watched from the entrance to the ice, heart in your throat) by the end of the day. Like stay with you through your last, short stay at the hospital, only leaving to check on Lila at her grandparents' and bring you back illicit treats and fresh clothes. Like book his own seat, in a commercial flight, because the team plane wasn't heading back to Toronto until the day after Lila's birthday.

Was it his faul the plane had been delayed? No. But Lila had been upset that he hadn't gotten back in time for a bedtime story, and Freddie had been upset because he'd planned on surprising Lils at her birthday party, and you'd been upset because 

a) the two people you loved most in the world were unhappy, and

b) you missed him. 

 So when you murmured "five days is way too long for you to be gone," he understood, and believed you, pulling you closer into the curve of his body again. You didn't mean - you never meant - to sound as though you resented his schedule; what mattered was that he came back, and he always did. 

 "She'll probably forgive you when you surprise her with pancakes in bed tomorrow," you told him, and he makes a soft humming sound as though considering it - as though he wasn't already on planning on that, and to use his free day tomorrow to take Lila wherever she wanted - like the zoo. Or an art museum. Or a build-a-bear workshop. See how Carlton likes getting replaced. 

 It was maybe a little mean to talk Freddie into getting out of bed before Lila, who was, in her tiny, infernal heart of hearts the worst kind of morning person, but you knew by then that if Freddie didn't have some kind of way to make amends he'd do more and more ridiculous things out of guilt. That was how Lila had ended up with her own personal bouncy castle last summer - and the castle's still standing, in a room at Freddie's house he's not going to get back until Lila hits middle school at least.

 The smile he gives you, eyes all wrinkled in the corners, is enough to make you feel like a superhero and a Disney villain in one. 

 "Pancakes for the little princess, and for my princess?" he asked, and no matter how many times he's called you that you still blush, just a little, just enough for him to unwind one arm around you to chase the colour with his thumb. 

 "We don't have time for a scene tonight, but maybe tomorrow, hm? I'll get Lila nice and sugared first, then work that energy off at the park or something, and then we'll foist her off onto your parents." 

 You nod then, then, tilt your head back for one last kiss, and this time he gives it to you. The next kiss, he presses against your forehead before he goes into the bathroom to brush his teeth and get ready for bed. The last one, before you fall asleep, you feel pressed into your hand as he brings it up to his lips, the murmured "I love you" he said to you in Danish understandable only because he's said it so many times. 

 Unlike your poor little daughter, you fall asleep content. 

#v:can i go (where you go) #freddie andersen imagine #maple leafs imagine #hockey imagine #nhl imagine #lyss writes hockey #freddie andersen #leafs

[revol-lover]

dreams don’t end at “30″

so i just had a little breakthrough and maybe this wont sound like anything to anyone else but i just have to share it

so i’ve talked about this before. about how my friend and i were both planning these personal development like goals for this year that covid got in the way of. and he said something, about how this is his last year in his 20s and he wanted to get some goals accomplished before 30 

and i thought about that and realized something.

i have been feeling similarly about a few goals that i’ve been hanging onto for years and years. like i’m going to be honest with you, some people might remember this if you’ve been around here for a long time but probably not. anyway when i was in high school i really wanted to make music, sing, learn an instrument. and i did make some covers that i posted on myspace (showing my age here lol) and youtube but then i kind of gave up on it when

 1) became 18 and realized my dream to go to NYC and pursue music when i was 18 wasn’t happening because of a million reasons (it was very much a pipe dream, right? i mean you can’t have that dream and not prepare for it and i didnt. also i was too scared at the time to even move out to my own place if i had the funds to do so because my parents wouldnt have really approved and i was still so under their thumb) 

2) broke up with my musician boyfriend. which needed to happen. but he was the only person super passionate about that kind of goal at the time around me (till he ran lol)  and he actually is still doing music now so good for him but basically 

because of those 2 reasons i just let go of that dream all together as something i thought i wanted to do but was “unrealistic”.

but the thing about turning 30 and feelings like you needed to achieve all these personal/dreamy/goals in your 20s. what is that bullshit? why? 

what changes when you cross over to 30? i’ll tell you one thing. media pushes movies, books, films, everything about people chasing their dreams in their 20s and “settling” down in their 30s. where’s my inspiring movie about the 32 year old mom who finally wrote a song and performed it live after being terrified her whole life of doing so?

 think about it though

in your 30s you. *might* have a better paying job than you did in your 20s. which means, if you can manage to find time or a way for it, you *might* be able to save a little more money or afford to do something like, buy that guitar and guitar lessons in order to learn to play and write a song and live out your dream in some way, even if its just learning to play so you can play at an open mic. and maybe you’ll like that and you’ll somehow connect with likeminded people and form a band. idk. your dreams dont have to end in your 20s. 

you dont have to fall into the trap of your 20s are for your dreams that are so big you feel like the chance of achieving them is getting struck by lightening

and then your 30s are for fancy adult goals like buying a house, and going on a $10k vacation and those things are probably just as hard as the goals you had in your 20s but the world wont make you see it that way. its seen as “selfish” to prioritize and budget for your artistic goals - but not a house. no that’s responsible and what you “should” do. but its ok to prioritize something that’s going to give your soul fulfillment too! we need to believe that! because it’s true. we are not here just to work our jobs and live mundane colorless lives once we aren’t considered “young” anymore (but 30s are still young. not what i’m saying)

 you’re always going to be chasing something big and if you let the world control what that thing is you’re always going to be on some rat race. 

it’s fine if you achieve your goals in a different order than the world says you were supposed to. i got married young and had a child young, that was how my life played out and i’m happy with that because, yes, finding love and becoming a mother very much were goals of mine.

yes i dropped out of college because i couldn’t afford it and i couldnt find a major that felt worth being in debt for. and also, because hey guess what? contrary to what a lot of people will try to lead you to believe, college is not for everyone. and college does not = success. college drop out does not = failure. it’s just an option of something you could do with your life. AND if you didn’t go to your college in your 20s it doesnt mean you can’t in your 30s. or 50s. hell my husband, who did go to college saw elderly (think, 80s!) people going to his college as students! college isn’t just for 18 year olds fresh out of high school. 

My 27th birthday is in 2 weeks and no, i have not yet to worked up the courage to write an original song from words to music, or have the courage to get on a stage and sing anything, or talk to a stranger, or publish any of my writing or art, goals i’ve had whirling around in my brain since I was 18, but, it’s going to happen. maybe this year. maybe when i’m 35, but it’s going to happen. a number is not going to be the thing holding me back.

that whole mentality of “my youth is slipping away i need to achieve all these dreams before midnight the day of my 30th birthday” is so stupid and flawed and we all deserve to see ourselves, and our individual potential as more than that. 

last part of this rant - one of the reason i even became so passionate about reignighting some of my dusty, old goals, that it turned out, i still cared about, is because i had a moment where i was like

ok i am a mom. i am someones mom. how will my daughter see me, as a person, not just her mom? 

kevin and i always talk about how between the two of us we’ve both had a lot of quintessential young adult experiences that we look forward to sharing with her. like, quitting jobs, getting in car accidents, that one time i unknowingly participated in an illegal bonfire and ran from the cops then lied straight to their faces and somehow got away with it (literally my ONE act of teen rebellion), changing college majors like 3 years in (kevin), failed classes, tried cigarettes, etc like i’m ready, and hope that one day she will feel comfortable talking to us about things because we’ve been through things and have a lot of input and two different perspectives to offer

but further than that, i realized that i want her to know that her mom is a person too. i want her to know that mom is also passionate about writing, and music, and somehow tackled some of her goals in regards to that so that SHE can feel that SHE, too can do those things. and i know that, that is in part how it works 

because,

my dad IS an artist. my dad IS a musician. yall. my dad is SO talented.  my dad is brilliant. besides his artistic abilities which include, drawing literal realistic as fuck portraits, sculpting, painting, playing guitar, bass, piano, mandolin, he also knows music composition, etc etc etc beyond all of that, he also taught himself fucking PLUMBING and ELECTRICIAN SHIT to fix things in our house growing up. like he bought a book. and taught himself. my dad. i grew up thinking that was normal but i realized not everyones dad can just tear down the bathroom and rebuild it from scratch down to the plumbing without being a licensed professional.

but anyway the point is - as talented as my dad is, he doesnt really pursue his artistic dreams much. and its sad. i’m glad that i’ve seen some of the work he did when he was younger. i’m glad that if i bring it up, he’ll show me something he can do. but he doesnt pursue it anymore really. my dad works an exhausting physical labor job but even he, as a 50something year old has fallen into that trap of like, i dont have time to draw, but he will scroll his phone and read articles for hours and i’m not shaming him. i’m just saying we all have this problem in the modern era of technology and social media and what not (hell i am writing a post on tumblr instead of my book right now).

but if timing was different and my dad grew up in a different time, where lets say something distracted him from doing the little bit of art and music that he did when i was a kid that i was able to witness, if i hadnt seen that. i wouldnt know that.. in a way.. that’s in me. i mean, he’s my dad. if my dad could pick up a craft and work at it to be good at it, why can’t i? there are so many musicians and (kind unrelated but not rly - i think being “self made” is an art) business owners in my family. there’s either some common thread in our genetics ORRRRRRRRRR just growing up around people working at and succeeding at those kinds of goals shows you that it CAN be done so you’re more likely to believe in your abilities

and i want that for my daughter. because even as an almost 3 year old i can see that she has a gift for music, and reading. and even if i’m wrong about that and she grows up wanting to do some other thing as a job or hobby, i want her to know, by seeing her mom do it, that she can achieve anything she puts her heart to. you don’t have to box yourself in because of your age or your sex or the fact that you’re a parent. 

and your dream doesnt have to become your career. it can be a hobby and still be fulfilling. like yes, 18 year old me dreamed about some life in nyc singing in clubs or bars or whatever and being ~famous (lol) and that did not happen, but i can still get out there and play open mic downtown and get that love of music, and desire to face my fear of performing out of my system. maybe i’ll love it. maybe i’ll hate it. but i’ll have done it. and that’s the ultimate goal. 

sorry i went off but i had to get that out of my system and i’m very passionate about 

#personal

[lost-incident-kid]

Happy Birthday Miyu Sugisaki (for tommorow) might do some art for her idk

———

Edit: ah heck! Ive had this queued for months, but i forgot to actually do the art haha, i’ll get something done overnight so it might be rushed and look like trash, it might look reasonably ok. Who knows at this point. I dont trust the sleepy version of myself to create anything good but hey, theyv created some stuff that wasn’t horrifying before :/

Ok, starting here i legit just start live-blogging myself staying up alnight drawing. Ignore me. I didnt know where else to say it. I’ll delete it later.

Edit 2: this isnt gonna be done. Like frick, i just spent 6 hours on miyu’s fricking hairstyle, thats all done and even shaded and looking fabulous but ive only got a rough lineart for litterally everything else. This might not be done, but if it is then her hair is gonna be a fuckign masterpiece (i hope). Im writing this edit at 1:42am, and im gonna go to bed somewhere between 4 and 5, lets go! Hell yeah! I might do this! Perhaps! Im gonna try! 3-4 sprint time! Yeah!

Edit 3: frick, im failing to do this, miserably. Its 3:03am and i got distracted playing mobile games and didn’t get anything done. My existence is futile, existentially im a waste and I should not exist. The atoms within me deserve to be part of something better. Sorry. I’m a f*ck up and unless I get my sh*t together in the next like 5 mins (unlikely) then this aint gonna be finished.

Edit 4: ok, meltdown like 20% over. Its 3:52am, I think the issue then was the face. Faces r hard bruh, they suck do draw. They a festive lil ho ho ho. I was drawing everything too high up on the face cuz my dumb *ss forgot to draw the line thingys on the face or even look at a reference image for proportions. Ive done it now amd life is now a bit more on track. Might get this done if I continue work in the morning.

Edit 4.5: nothin much (hence the .5), its 4:14am, just downed 4 cups o tea for caffeine and sugar (all the coffee we got is decaf lol). I’m gonna get this sh*t done! Ive litterally only coloured down to the face, neck and the hair but still.... I’m gonna get it done anyway! I dont care about going to bed between 4-5 anymore! I’m getting this done!

Edit 5: its less than ten mins later (4:22am) and im taking a quick 20m break to watch youtube while I wait for the caffeine to kick in because im too braindead to continue right now. Like what art style am i even trying? Idk... its really fricking complex tho. Lowkey pretty tho, like if i finish this im gonna be so proud of it like it looks great. But its taking forever and im need break.

Edit 6: ok we back. Its 4:41am, caffeine has not really kicked in but i cant permit myself any more time anyway. Back to drawning.

Edit 7: holy frick, new episode of the vrains dub came out. Man... im leaving vrains fanart to watch the vrains dub. Am I obsessed? Is this hyperfixation? Probably? Either way, its 4:50am and im going to go watch the new episode. I’ll come back to this when im done.

Edit 8: HOLY FRICK GUYS! THE DRAWING APP IM USING KEEPS CRASHING AND SAYS ITS STILL THERE BUT WONT LET ME CONTINUE AND KICKING ME OFF THE APP?!?! ITS 5:06AM AND THE PANIC ATTAC IS BACC! The new episode of the dub isnt completely out yet, im watching that version on yt where its just smol clips of it. Not all the clips r up yet. I was just going on it while waiting for the next clips to go up and thats when the app did the thing and life got 280% sucky-er.

Edit: 8.5 wahoot it stopped kicking me off the app and it let me continue. Its 5:12am and we are FINALLY continuing.

Edit 9: its 5:36 Im tired sleep time I’ll finis thos in the morning goodbye yall have a greatt day

Edit 10: ok, so im a failure. We live in the timeline that god abandoned. I cannot sleep. I shall get more cups of tea, watch yt until the caffeine actually kicks in, and then continue. Its 6:03 right now, I shall be back. Perhaps half an hour?

Edit 10.5: its 6:11am. Not much has happened, just a slight change of plans. Ik its irrelevant but im liveblogging so i gotta say, my eye hurts so im gonna stop looking at screens. Perhaps gonna try to sleep again, if not then i’ll put read a book, redo my makeup (it smudgey) or straight up just listen to music and stare into the void. Litterally anything other than look at my laptop/phone. Peace out homies, i’ll be back at some point before 7 probably (unless i do go to sleep).

Edit 11: Its 6:41am, my eye hurts. Ive been staring into the darkness and listening to various fallout boy songs. Now i feel edgy. Its been half an hour, so im gonna continue drawing. Caffeine and sugar has worn off again so im tired and unmotivated but yno what, it is what it is. Aint life nifty, i gotta get this done.

Edit 12: 6:52 everything burns im in pain my eye is on frickign fire and it looks bloodshot but now also weird azz headache that i never got one like this before so im gonna turn off all lights cuz that seems to make it marginally better am i dying probably idk either way im not gonna continue for multiple hours it is stare into the void time and stare into the void time alone ok this should be the last update

Edit 13: It is 3:16pm, didn’t continue liveblogging cuz i got one heck of a migrane. Im back and well... Happy birthday Miyu for today! I’m still gonna try to get this god forsaken art done, but holy shit what is that art style i did. Its genuinely nothing like anything ive done before, I don’t remember doing any of the colouring but apparently I did and it looks better than anything ive done before and idk if non-fricked up me can replicate it. I’m starting to wonder if i got bored and just copied it or something, like idk how i did it. Look at it

The grey is the lineart I remember doing but man tHE FRICKIGN HAIR like i couldnt have created that, could I? I can see why it was taking so long yesterday like holy shit man that stuff takes time yno

#long post

[lilytcyip]

December 31st, 2019

1.3 tera v w/ rjin & ggao

1.4 cactus & la foret w/ jng

1.8 talked it out with jng ; tried to understand that if i were happy, what more could you ask for

1.11 cyns bday dinner

1.11 craft beer w/ aleung & lwong

1.13 arisu & standing egg with efeng & aleung ; drove on highway for the first time

1.18 west dineout w/ annie pkp

1.19 glass w/ fifi

2.10 first snow of the year

2.3 cny lunch at home with the fam - tong yuen & poon choi

2.4 mooseknuckles - grateful

2.5 lunar new year

2.16 hangiout with mamayip & sis: beta 5, fixing the parka, meetfresh, miku sushi dindin

2.17 mom leaving for 2 months, wandering earth with the yips

2.19 happy hour cactus w/ fifi

2.20 kokoro lunch & shopping w/ rjin

2.20 so hyang w/ veda & nwu

2.21 black been noodles & tonkatsu lunch & usagi matcha sweets w/ ewong

2.22 green leaf sushi & grounds for coffee w/ vtan

2.25 sushi mura w/ acao ; larry berg planes and kisses for the first time

3.13 mental health talk w/ nwu & tchiu + jamjar

3.15 virtuous pie & nanas green tea w/ rjin

3.16 wine night w/ claw, aleung & fsyal

3.17 tabom & stanely park w/ jerpilla

3.23 pool & rc shopping with jyang

4.3 studying with jyang on campus & langara bye

4.9 studying with jyang at my house

4.18 ramen danbo & official date 

4.20 so hyang & off the grid waffles w/ ayip

4.26 sci ning off w/ aleung, claw, fsyal, lwong & mcheung

4.27 clay llama terra pot class

4.29 so hyang budae jjigae & yifang w/ ewong

4.30 rc shopping & sushi lover with the yips 

5.1 maenam, kits beach & rain or shiine ice cream w/ rjin

5.2 our first little tiff & being called chubby by mlo

5.3 shopping w/ vchan, aleung & fsyal

5.7-5.11 LA trip

5.8 LACMA & melrose & century city field

5.9 warner bros tour

5.10 malibu

5.28-6.1 hokkaido, japan

5.29 a 2-floor hotel with own onsen

5.31 otaru food adventures

6.1 doraemon painting & royce airport

6.2 macau: got scammed by taxi & lost luggage

6.7-6.15 inner mongolia & beijing

6.18 first co op offer 

6.21 fire port party at fifis house

6.29 pottery painting w lwong, aleung, vchan, fsyal

7.5 brunch w/ rjin at jethro’s fine grub, baker & table

7.6 nwu’s birthday dindin at coast, hangout with aleung & nwu at nightingale

7.14 leavenworth cherries

7.17 brunch w/ rjin at OEB

7.19 nightmarket w/ jyang, mlaw, rjin

7.21 beach day w/ aleung, fsyal & lwong; hy’s with fam

7.24 chau veggies w/ acao

7.27 shiok & icy bar w/ ewong

8.3 first day of work at doctors office

8.4 escape room w/ vchan, fsyal & jyang; bowling & anh and chi

8.17 dindin w/ fsyal, aleung & tlim; double date walks at olympic village with ancas

8.18 - 8.19 kelowna

8.18 polar grove & penticton lazy river, mission hill

8.19 kayaking, quail’s gate

8.24 lit night at fifis house with the girls and boys

8.25 aleung’s bday harrison trip

8.27 work shopping & nuba w/ fsyal

8.28 sleepover w/ rjin

8.29 brunch w/ aleung, moii cafe chill with fsyal too

9.3 first day of co op work

9.7 grave of the fireflies & wildtale cuddles

9.14 eric chou meet & greet

9.19 amandarachlee neg comment and posted my encouragement on her story

10.5 maiko parfait & shopping w/ jyang, earls with the amigos

10.18 gmen & oncecake: melody, rillakuma, card & collage

10.24 dark table w/ rjin

11.7 moii after work 

12.15 baking custard souffle pancakes w/ ewong

12.18 office christmas party & bbt w/ slim

12.19 glow

12.21 fifi’s christmas party

12.22 christmas market w/ rjin: churros & chimney cake

12.23 psyc team secret santa & mahjong

12.25 christmas dindin at market by jean-georges

12.26 birthday dindin at zeferelli

12.27 ring & birthday dinner at brix and mortar w/ jyang

12.28 skated alone, worked out, baked & dindin at botanist

looking back at it now, i definitely went out a lot more compared to previous years LOL i had some struggles in january, and at multiple points in my life i blamed myself for being ungrateful, for seeking more when i already had so much in life compared to other people. my friends were there for me and i wouldnt have been able to live through it without them. then again, during reading break in february, i got myself into the same hot mess and i was sad about it for a week and i blamed myself for getting so attached so quickly. because of these experiences, my expectations were v low and i didnt really expect anything when i talked to jyang, what they say really is true, you get it the moment you stop seeking for it. it comes and find you (: the 3 most important that happened this year is burbur, co op job & me getting more comfortable around doggs; this is a big deal !! i actually like cuddling dogs and i feel less scared of them as long as i have some time to get used to them!! im proud of myself for making progress with my phobia! after i started my co op job, bc i didnt have a lot to do, i felt like i wasnt actively contributing to my workplace and that i was very useless. i still feel the same way now, but i think i am slowly getting used to it. thankfully, my coworkers are VERY nice and i enjoy working around them. while i did not get a different position for january, im still grateful that i got an extended placement. nonetheless, meeting with the different PIs and sumeet pointed me in the right direction of looking for nserc / volunteering opportunities when i do go back to school. AND ofc burbur! im grateful that we were able to be there for each other for the past 8 months, both the ups and downs and i am so so thankful that we’re understanding and patient with each other, as we help each other learn along the way and help each other become a better version of ourselves. this companionship is better than i have asked for and i always remind myself to focus on the important things rather than the minor inconveniences. this year, in terms of fitness goals, ive been doing really well before asia. but ever since i came back, it all went downhill and i gained back all the weight that i lost this year year LOL so in 2020, one of my biggest goal is to eat healthy again, and workout more consistently. getting a job in sept kinda interfered with my progress too, bc i was so tired after work, even when i wasnt doing anything and i stressed eat bc i felt terrible. a lot of diff factors made me feel super stressed, and the fact that i wasnt eating clean / exercising reguarly made me feel worse about the whole situation ): so in 2020, maintaining a healthy lifestyle will be one of my top priorities and gifting myself a healthy body is one of greatest things i can do for myself. this also contributed to the lack of journalling near the end of the year, it felt like bc i wasnt doing the things i was “supposed to do”, i just felt so bad whenever i couldnt tick off that particular habit whenever i fill in my trackers. but tonight, i watched this video and it talked about habits should be for awareness, not for self-hate or self-loathing. this is something that i need to keep in mind. ever since april really, the issue of leaving my house and meeting up with my friends have always stressed me in fear of dealing with passive aggressiveness with my mom lool everytime i get inviited to plans, i just get anxiety about having to tell her about it LOL and even when im out, having a msg/ call for her freaks me out in fear that she will get mad at me for being home late and etc and fifi really woke me up with her words, i should just care less LOL i need to stop caring so much about what she thinks, bc at the end of the day, this IS my life and if i never make any changes, i will never be able to grow and be independent. i think this pree much sums up all my events and emotions in 2019, the last year of the 2010s. in the next decade, a lot of things will happen as i will be in my 20s - 30s, where new opportunities will arise, and graduate uni, do my masters, find a job, maybe even marry and move out LOL the 2020s will definitely be an impt decade, but just for next year i want to:

1. understand that i am old enough to make choices, and in general, care less about what she thinks

2. at the same time, i want to appreciate and be grateful for what my mom, dad and annie have done for me; a lot of the times, i feel like i take them for granted just bc i know they will always be there for me and this is not how you should treat your biggest supporters

3. trust that everything will workout in the end, while you may not be able to envision what you career / life would be like when youre 30, you can definitely take small steps and move towards your goal

4. be mindful of what i eat and exercise regularly (4x hiit & cardio a week) ; treats & sweets in moderation; use those habit trackers for awareness, not for self-loathing / self-hate

5. create art regularly, read more and at least do 5 duolingos every week! 

every year, time just seems to go by faster and faster and i feel scared at times. as i type this, theres only 8 minutes left of this decade LOL so in 2020, continue to live in the moment, be present, cherish those that are around you, and have faith that everything will come together, one piece at a time. at the same time, always rmb that you can make small changes to be a better version of yourself, whenever & however you want and this is the 1 thing that other people can’t stop you from doing! 

#diary #personal #thoughts #last post of 2019

[misssophiachase]

Set It Up – A kinda but not really Klaroline Fusion (like all my different fusions)

Caroline Forbes and Klaus Mikaeslon are working as assistants to the most demanding, rival NBA bosses in New York. From Macy’s to Madison Square Garden to the MGM Grand in Las Vegas can they stop bickering long enough to come together to make their lives easier?

All I do is Win

151 W 34th Street, New York, NY 

"Before you say anything,” he offered, holding his hand up to silence her. “He actually tried to fire a mailman today.” 

He being Mason Lockwood, the Brooklyn Nets owner. He was also notorious for being an arrogant, demanding bastard and then some. 

“And?”

“Mailmen work for the U.S. government!"

“Oh boo hoo, I don’t care, Mikaelson,” she replied gruffly, equally not caring but also knowing it was true and his boss was an ass. 

“Says the girl whose boss could give Cruella De Ville a run for her money.” He wasn’t wrong. New York Knicks boss Katherine Pierce was fierce, feisty and a real bitch at the best and worst of times.

“Exactly why I’m here to claim my blender that you have your grubby paws all over. I called earlier and put it on hold,” Caroline demanded, exhausted from the trek to Macy’s Department Store noticing he was already clutching it possessively.   

She took a few seconds to admire that his thieving ass was sort of attractive in that fitted, grey suit even if he didn’t know his proper place.

Five days ago she didn’t even know him but Klaus Mikaelson had made both an immediate and lasting impression on her, and it wasn’t a good one. She had always welcomed competition but his good looks were kind of messing with her resolve. 

Bastard.

She had no intention of letting him win.

Ever.

“But your name isn’t on it,” he shot back, refusing to relinquish her property. 

“Now, that’s extremely mature,” she scowled. “If I don’t get this exact gift for the Warner wedding my boss is going to kill me.” 

Yes, to some it was just your run-of-the-mill gadget that mixed ingredients together. But this wasn’t just any blender. This was the newest, state of the art Vitamix Blender that retailed at a jaw dropping $1198.

It also happened to be the last one left in Manhattan, Caroline knew given just how many stores she’d called in vain. She just hoped the Warners were grateful, if she managed to steal it from his greedy clutches of course.

“My boss will too given it’s a gift for his only sister’s birthday,” he shot back. “If you think I’m going to give up this blender without a fight you’re sorely mistaken.” 

Okay, maybe she had forgotten in her haste to put it on hold, oops, but Klaus didn’t have to know that.

“Only because you got caught out breaking the rules because I already put this on hold,” she bluffed, refusing to let him win.

“Okay fine, what do you want?” 

“I thought I made myself pretty clear, Mikaelson,” she growled, gesturing towards the blender.  

“What else do you want besides this blender?” 

They both held each other’s gaze for a full thirty seconds before each finally responded their resolve unflinching. 

“Disney on Ice tickets. I hear that the Under the Sea Christmas Spectacular is a huge hit in your borough.”  Brooklyn was most definitely a bad word she could never utter.  

“Seriously? That’s really what you want?”

“Deathly,” she hit back, rolling her eyes as she did it. “Surely you would have some contacts, you know if you’re actually a good assistant.” 

“Because I’m sure Katherine Pierce would love to watch a singing crab and one memory-less fish,” he scoffed. 

“She may be the Ice Queen but she also has thirteen impossible and incessant nieces and nephews. And last time I checked all fish were memory-less.”

“Well, then you’ve never met my Marvin.” Caroline was trying to ignore just how adorable he looked defending his goldfish one dimple at a time.  “Even so those tickets will cost me more than this blender.”

“Okay, so how about I sweeten the deal with some boxing tickets?”

“Not sure the local boxing round robin is his speed, love, so that’s a definite no.”

“Well, I suppose it’s your loss,” she drawled. “Hand over my blender then, Mikaelson.”

“You’re going to have to make me,” he replied jokingly. 

“Real mature,” Caroline reiterated, surprising him and plucking it from his grasp. She couldn’t miss the way his hand felt brushing against hers as she did. “I hope I never have to see your smug ass again.” She stalked away, hips swaying in her wake.

“Until I have to explain the missing blender,” he called out in frustration by way of response. 

“Because I’m sure a missing blender is going to be your biggest problem given you turned down Pacquiao vs Broner ringside seats in Vegas.”  

She made a mental note in her head. Caroline Forbes 1 - Klaus Mikaelson 0. Suddenly her hellish life as an assistant wasn't so bad if he was suffering too.

4 Pennsylvania Plaza, New York, NY 

Klaus Mikaelson was the type to hold grudges. It started when he was six years-old and his younger brother Kol stole his favourite toy and it had only grown stronger and more spiteful in the years afterward. 

Caroline Forbes was going to pay. Mainly because his boss hadn’t let him forget how pathetic he was to lose the blender he wanted to ‘a girl’ as he emphasised in air quotes. Klaus was far from chauvinistic and his boss was obviously still living in the dark ages. 

Caroline wasn’t just ‘a girl’ she was a pain in his ass and Klaus planned to bring her down and it didn’t hurt that it was her home game either. 

Rivals the Knicks and Nets were squaring off at Madison Square Garden and he’d been plotting his revenge ever since their last meeting. Sure, she was kind of gorgeous with those blonde waves and crystal, blue eyes but she was also his devious competition. And she was unrelenting. He had to beat her at her own game and he’d found the perfect way to do it.

“Glutton for punishment hey?” 

“Excuse me?” He shot back from their neighbouring, courtside seats. The pre-game arrangements were well underway. “Last time I checked the Nets and their staff have every right to be here, even if it is on enemy territory.”

“Unfortunately, yes,” she growled. “But it’s nice to know you are going down tonight.”

“Have you seen the ladder, Forbes?”

“You are one game ahead, after tonight that won’t be the case,” she scoffed. Klaus took a moment to peruse her outfit before arguing back. Even in her hideous blue and orange jersey she couldn’t help but look stunning. He decided to put it down to the fact her floral perfume was infiltrating his nostrils and messing with his composure. 

“Wanna make a bet?”

“I’m pretty good at those but if you’re game.”

“Oh I’m game,” he smirked. “The Nets win you get me those ringside seats in Vegas. And by seats, I’m going to need eight.”

“Wow, someone is wishful thinking, but yeah sure, not that you’re going to win,” she scoffed. “I cannot wait to witness the annihilation, Mikaelson.” 

Klaus didn’t even respond, just sent her a teasing glance and made his way to the changerooms to finalise everything. He had a good feeling that his team were going to take the win and Klaus would be on the way to Vegas for the big fight at the MGM Grand. His boss would forget that bloody blender ever existed. 

“In your face, Forbes,” Klaus celebrated hours later as the Nets crowd at Madison Square Garden continued to chant well after the final buzzer. She was shocked to say the least, still cute in defeat but he’d never admit it aloud.  

“This is all your fault,” she snarled. “You cheated.”

“Last time I checked I wasn’t on the court.”

“Yeah probably a good thing, you’d never actually keep up, lazy bones,” she snorted. “How about that whole surprise pre-game show where number one Nets fans Beyonce and Jay-Z just decided to belt out the Star Spangled Banner from their seats?”

“I had nothing to do with that,” he lied.

“You are the worst liar,” she huffed. “You know just how well it would be received and in turn boost team morale.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” he bluffed. “The best team on the day won.”

“You are unbelievable,” she scowled. “Must really be desperate given just how much your job depends on it.”

“Is that what you say to make your situation better?” He shot back. “Didn’t think you’d stoop that low, oh hang on that whole blender situation was exactly that.”

“I guess I’m desperate,” she murmured, Klaus couldn’t miss the way her expression seemed so defeated all of a sudden. “My college loans are looming and I may have been a little dishonest under pressure because my boss wants to fire me all the time.”

“Story of my life too believe it or not,” he offered. “If only they could get on with their lives and not focus on every little thing that we do.”

“Hang on,” she murmured. “That might not be the worst idea you ever had, Mikaelson. How about we set them up together?”

“Mason and Katherine? That’s just a recipe for disaster. That much combined combustible energy cannot be safe.”

“Exactly why we have to do it,” she murmured, raising her eyebrows.

“So, I suppose I’ll see you in Vegas then?”

“If you’re lucky,” she chuckled, but given her tone Klaus knew she’d be there no matter what.  

MGM Grand, 3799 S Las Vegas Blvd Las Vegas, NV

“Okay, I sent the fruit basket to her room.”

“Aren’t you a romantic,” she drawled teasingly, barely looking up from her magazine on the bed as he entered. Klaus Mikaelson was the last person she expected to organise that. As much as she was attracted to him, Caroline was seeing no similar interests besides setting up their bosses. 

“Please don’t ever call me that. But, last time I checked you’d done absolutely nothing,” Klaus shot back. “And I won the last bet and everything. Time to show you care, Forbes.”

“Like sending an identical one hour massage voucher to both his and her rooms for the same time in the hotel spa?”

“I suppose that’s okay,” he mumbled.

“Why do I get the impression that you don’t like ideas coming from anyone but yourself?”

“Well...”

“It must be all that ego,” she groaned. 

“You really do hate me,” he asked incredulously, it was unusual for any female to think badly of him let alone abuse him incessantly. 

“For the most part.”

“Wow, aren’t you sweet,” he drawled. “So what are we supposed to do to pass the time?”

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” Caroline shot back. “How about something more intellectual?”

“Wow. Finally something we have in common,” he smirked triumphantly, as she produced a chess board. 

“I happened to be chess champion five years running in High School.”

“Well, don’t want all those potential but ignorant suitors knowing that fact,” he chuckled, sending a stray dimple her way. Caroline tried to pretend that it didn’t affect her but everything inside was telling her that it did. 

And she was scared of the foreign feelings it had caused.

But in true Caroline fashion she decided to push it aside so she could beat him at chess then deal with the consequences that were threatening to derail her feelings later. She didn’t get that chance though. In fact she was in a more vulnerable position than expected. 

“Check Mate,” he murmured, sweeping his queen across the board to take her king. 

She was stunned at first mainly because she never lost. Ever. But he seemed to know her and rather than unsettling her it was weirdly okay.

Bastard.

“We have a boxing match to get to,” she responded mechanically. His hand grabbed hers immediately, the warmth spreading through her body. “Need to keep an eye on our bosses after all.”

“Or we could do something else?” He offered, squeezing her hand affectionately. “My siblings are in town tonight but I’m going to warn you they are...”

“Nick’s Fans?” She asked. “I’ve certainly experienced them and worse.”

“You have no idea, in fact I think they’d be perfect company for Katherine and Mason.”

“Why do I get the feeling you don’t care if you lose your job right now?”

“Well, if you knew my brother Kol and his big mouth,” he teased. “But if you’d rather...”

“No, I’m starting to really like your brother Kol.”

“Well. then you’re really going to like my sister Rebekah,” he chuckled. “How about we explore Vegas some more? See what fun we can get up to?”

“I suppose it can’t hurt, right?” Caroline replied.

Famous last words.

#set it up #fusion #klaroline #klaroline drabbles #misssophiachase #crossover #all i do is win #hope you like it

[acidwaste]

hey so it seems i’ve forgot to do a l o t of tag memes, and i’m lucky i drafted a big bunch of them! lots of questions overlapped so i did my best to answer in different ways, sorry for the lateness! also @ the people that tagged me here, i wouldn't hesitate to kill for you

@natcaptor / @gayspaced

name: leon or lionel!

nicknames: literally the only nickname I’ve been referred to is “big gay” and like. word!

gender: im pretty sure im a guy, i have been kinda 🤔🤔🤔 abt my gender identity since around november-ish though

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1! i’m told that I’m tall but my uncle is 6’7 so...

time: 3:36pm rn! ive been watching video essays and binging music all afternoon

birthday: december 9th!

favourite bands: animal collective, beach house, camp cope, car seat headrest, death grips, fleet foxes, florence + the machine, gang of youths, glass animals, gorillaz, hop along, iceage, idles, kero kero bonito, mgmt, miike snow, modest mouse, run the jewels, superorganism, the avalanches, the cat empire, the go! team, the mountain goats, the wombats, xiu xiu

favourite solo artists: alex lahey, anderson .paak, ariana grande, billie eilish, bjork, cashmere cat, charli xcx, courtney barnett, cupcakke, d.r.a.m, eric taxxon, frank ocean, gfoty, hatchie, janelle monae, jeff rosenstock, joanna newsom, jorja smith, jpegmafia, kacey musgraves, kali uchis, kendrick lamar, khalid, kimbra, lorde, mac demarco, madeon, mick jenkins, mitski, oneohtrix point never, perfume genius, ravyn lenae, rina sawayama, serpentwithfeet, sophie, st. vincent, sza, vince staples

song stuck in my head: caramelo duro | miguel // kali uchis! its a bop, miguel is one of the few singers that can convincingly make sex jams

last movie i watched: deadpool 2! it was even better than the first, which is a feat in itself ngl

when did i create my blog: december 2016??? i only started using it properly in february last year tho

last thing i googled: “im in my mums car broom broom.” dont @ me

do i have any other blogs: yeah, plenty actually!! i have blogs for aesthetic (@moltenstar), general inspo (@wverns), flight rising (@szarising, kinda inactive?), and overwatch (@blackhardts) tbh the vast majority of my ‘sideblogs’ are just saved urls H

do i get asks: when i say stupid shit like “rung has the ass of a dilf but the dick of a cockroach”

why i chose my url: that one panel where kobd have a vacation at the acid wastes because fuck its finally canon babey!

following: 1,767, which is kinda horrifying!!

followers: 890?? somehow??? thats almost One Whole Thousand and i don't even make content

average hours of sleep: around 6 or 7!! n e v e r more though

lucky number: 43 and 64!!

instruments: i'm too poor to afford music lessons or instruments jsbddsjknfs

what am i wearing: a grey shirt and nothing on my bottom half so my [redacted] is hanging tf out, i should put on some damn clothes

dream job:  oooo uhhh, i’m studying to get an education degree rn because i’d love to teach children (around grade 3-4s preferably because i'm too jittery to handle anyone younger and older kids probs won't listen to me as much as i lack plenty of assertiveness), but!! i’d honestly love to be a musician, one of those underground ones that get lots of critical acclaim

dream trip: one day i wanna gather up some friends and just go on a road trip! idm where we go to, as long as we just have fun and just! adventure!

favourite foods: rare steak, mashed potatoes, eggs, and energy shakes made with like. fruit / cheese / yoghurt / oats / chia seeds ! protein is a large part of my diet

nationality: new zealand, but living in australia

favourite song right now: best part | daniel caesar // h.e.r - gosh i need to re-listen to daniel’s album again, i don’t remember this beautiful song being there and that’s a crime

@damndesi / @novarebel / @luciform-philogynist

APPEARANCE - I am 5'7 or taller - I wear glasses - I have at least one tattoo (but I am getting a tā moko in December, I believe) - I have at least one piercing (planning to get a nose ring, like a bull!) - I have blonde hair - I have brown eyes - I have short hair - My abs are at least somewhat defined (b a r e l y) - I have or had braces

PERSONALITY - I love meeting new people - People tell me I am funny - Helping others with their problems is a big priority of mine - I enjoy physical challenges - I enjoy mental challenges - I am playfully rude to people I know - I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it - There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY - I can sing well - I can play an instrument - I can do over 30 pushups without stopping (barely) - I am a fast runner - I can draw well - I have a good memory - I am good at doing math in my head - I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute - I have beaten at least 2 people arm wrestling - I can make at least 3 recipes from scratch - I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES - I enjoy sports - I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else - I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else - I have learned a new song in the past week - I exercise at least once a week - I have gone for runs at least once a week in warmer months - I have drawn something in the past month - I enjoy writing - Fandoms are my #1 priority - I do some form of Martial arts

EXPERIENCES - I have had my first kiss - I have had alcohol (tastes like shit) - I have scored a winning point in a sport - I have watched an entire TV series in one sitting - I have been at an overnight event - I have been in a taxi - I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year - I have beaten a video game in one day - I have visited another country - I have been to one of my favorite bands concerts

MY LIFE - I have one person that I consider to be my Best Friend - I live relatively close to my school/work - My parents are still together - I have at least one sibling - I live in the United States - There is snow where I live right now - I have hung out with a friend in the past month - I have a smart phone - I own at least 15 CDs - I share my room with someone

RELATIONSHIPS - I am in a Relationship - I have a crush on a celebrity - I have a crush on someone I know - I’ve been in at least 3 relationships - I have never been in a Relationship - I have admitted my feelings to a crush - I get crushes easily - I have had a crush for over a year - I have been in a relationship for over a year - I have had feelings for a friend

RANDOM - I have break-danced - I know a person named Jamie - I have had a teacher that has a name that is hard to pronounce - I have dyed my hair - I’m listening to a song on repeat right now - I have punched someone in the past week - I know someone who has gone to jail - I have broken a bone (do fractures count?) - I have eaten a waffle today - I know what I want to do in life - I speak at least two languages (not fluently) - I have made a new friend in the past year

@smstransformers

age: 16

birthplace: auckland, nz

current time: 4:19 pm rn!!!

drink you last had: i just skulled half a liter of water whoops

favourite song: jesus etc. | wilco if we're talking abt an all-time favourite

grossest memory: accidentally swallowing a bee when i was seven years old (somehow nothing bad happened?)

horror, yes or no: not unless it’s an incredibly tame horror t b h, my threshold for scariness is very low

in love: i believe so!

jealous of people: lots of times, over really dumb things

love by first sight or should I walk by again: i believe that infatuation can exist at first sight but true love not so much. wish that could happen tho :C

middle name: shane!

siblings: my sister is eight years old, and my brother is seven!

one wish: EZ, make my anxiety disappear, i’d have a much more productive life

song i last sang: jupiter | haiku hands

time i woke up: 7:13, woke up immediately because i usually like to wake at 6:30

underwear colour: blue + purble

vacation destination: auckland / kingston / sydney!

worst habit: not remembering to make my goddamn bed, it looks like garbage

favourite food: mashed potatoes….

zodiac sign: sagittarius !!!

@alyonian

relationship status:

at the moment i’m single! and while being in a relationship sounds brilliant, the last two relationships i was involved in? didn’t work out to say the least, lucky i’m still young

favourite colour:

it’s been emerald green for the longest time but orange seems to be dethroning it at a steady pace

lipstick or chapstick:

i haven’t used chapstick since i was six but i probably should use it again, water is my substitute rn fdghdgh - and i haven’t ever used lipstick in any capacity? so i’d have to go with the former

last song i listened to:

the space traveller’s lullaby | kamasi washington - i’m trying to get through his second album rn (i left off on the second disk yesterday) and while everything he makes is undeniably amazing, it’s? a three hour album? i don’t have the attention span for his spiritual jazz, as great as it is

last movie:

monsters inc is playing on the television right now, i’ll go with that! the animation aged kinda badly but it’s still such a fun movie! sidenote: james p. sullivan? a childhood crush, so this gives me memories

top 3 tv shows/podcasts/comics:

i rarely, if ever, venture into these forms of media but! if i had to answer, i’d say;

unbreakable kimmy schmidt / parks & recreation / luke cage

taz / mbmbam (i havent like. watched a full episode of either but they seem cool,)

tf idw / …………. yeah that’s it, i’ve never read anything else. probably should!

additional favs:

my friends, writing (in theory), listening to video essays, learning music theory + instruments and understanding audio production software

top 3 bands / artists:

HHH okay if i had to limit my choices to just three artists, uh. lorde, the mountain goats, and sophie. i couldnt even fit janelle in i hate th is

----------------------------------

@alyonian

color(s): light colors are always nice and pleasant, though anything peachy and sandy are the best! orange (specially pastel orange) is like. the best thing

last band t-shirt i bought: usually merchandising is very expensive and i dont have the money to accommodate that, but like. i do recall having a wiggles shirt when i was five. i wore it all the time, shjdjgsksd im sure that counts

last band i saw live: i almost went to splendor in the grass last year with family, which wasn't only cool since i’ve never been out of the state since i immigrated - the festival was in queensland, which is around a two hour flight from victoria - but the lineup was pretty fuckin lit too! the xx, haim, peking duk, tash sultana, future islands, vallis alps, a.b original,, i was p excited! unfortunately my uncle fell ill and so they had to give the tickets to extended family :( otherwise, i haven't been to a single concert in my life

last song i listened to: street fighter mas | kamasi washington - up to this song on the album and i really fuckin dig this! also the video is hypnotizing

last movie i watched: monsters inc is about to finish and up next is monsters university! which like…. honestly, this is an extremely unpopular opinion but, i like it just as much as the original? my opinion might be skewed because i’m a monster [hugger], but i like everything abt the movie! except for the finale of the scare games and the last five minutes of the movie, both were just. dreadful.

last three tv shows i watched: if aggretsuko counts that’s the last series i watched of my own volition, which is a miracle in itself considering that’s legit only the second anime i’ve watched to completion (the first being shirokuma cafe, which i probably need to re-watch). otherwise, the last two shows i had beared witness to were thirteen reasons why and queer eye bc my cousin put them on! that first show i could completely do without but queer eye is iconique

last 3 characters i identified with: grimlock (legit. all of them), urdnot grunt (mass effect) and vector the crocodile (sth), i’m not sure what this says about me other than Big

book(s) i’m currently reading: i’m reading ‘maus’ by art spiegelman at the moment, for the third time i believe? i believe my classmates are supposed to be writing an essay on this next term and shit, this novel is heartbreaking, i haven't been this emotional when reading a book than… ever, really. it’s a recommendation of the highest caliber

@victorion

name: leon / lionel, i picked up the second name because i was in a server with an admin that was also a Leon™

nickname: besides ‘Big Gay’ i also have the nickname ‘lemon lion’ which is! nice!!

zodiac sign: archer man

height: Tall™

language(s) spoken: english / some maori + italian

fav fruit: watermelons (only when in season)

fav scent: the smell of a freezer tbh? it just smells Nice i don’t know how to properly explain it

fav season: spring! the breezes are welcoming without being overbearingly freezing

fav color: ornge,,,,

fav animal: SHARKS + CROCS + FERRETS

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea! with some milk tho

average hrs of sleep: too little

fav fictional character: One character?????? uhhhhhhh……. like. biggest cc right now is either idw skids or oz from monster prom

no. of blankets you sleep with: depending on my mood but i’d say the average is like, 3??

fav songs: i quickly whipped up some songs i listen to

fav artists: i came to the realization that i like acts that are considered ‘bad’ like maroon 5/drake/lil yachty etc in specific doses… i wouldn't call them good yet, but! i have no beef and thats good

fav books: remember ‘where the wild things are’??? that shit was like. literal childhood, man.. :happytears: i really need to look for a copy again

@thonany-klieme

name: leon / lionel, interchangeable really

gender: male, im probs an nb guy

star sign: sagittarius!

height: 6’1

sexuality: gay??? im not sure, im mostly attracted to other guys but i have had very brief crushes on girls + nb people? sexuality’s confusing so im gonna just latch to the gaybel (gay label) for now

lock screen image: its the album cover of 1992 deluxe by princess nokia, tho it was “T Hanos” a few days ago since i change it often - my home screen is venom but his torso says ‘fuck machine’

ever had a crush on a teacher: no??

where do you see yourself in ten years: ideally i’m teaching kids math n english, realistically i’m probably going down with the political climate

if you could go anywhere, where would you go: new zealand!! or the netherlands

what was your favorite halloween costume: halloween is not big at all where i live, the only time i tried trick or treating was when i was like 7?? i threw a bedsheet on myself and pretended to be a ghost, though since there were no eyeholes + the sheet was blue, it looked more like i was just a moving lump

last kiss: never had one

have you ever been to las vegas: nah and i dont plan to?? how do you handle regular days of 40C wtf

favorite pair of shoes: i have this pair of jandals that ive worn for a fair bit longer than my other pair of shoes, tho i only wear them in summer + very warm nights

favorite book: ngl its. ‘the very hungry caterpillar’ by eric carle. i just, love it alot and i cant explain w h y

#acid.txt #this took a while but :wahoo:

[fullsunflower-remade]

Amici per Sempre

(I couldnt find a fancy word so i used a foreign language to make it look fancy)

Dear zozo, happy 19th birthday. We love you so much!💖💖. I wasnt able to do anything special but here is something I wrote for you-

🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

• It had been only 20 minutes since your class started but it felt like an hour already.

•Johnny was sleeping next to you and Taeil passed his time by drawing random stuff on your hand. You tried focusing on what the teacher was saying but kept zoning out.

•"I have an exciting announcement to make." You teacher said in the most bland and unexciting voice. You swore to kill her if she was taking another test tomorrow.

•Someone knocked on the classroom door. "We have an exchange student!" Your teacher said pointing at the door.

•The classroom was suddenly alive and abuzz with activity. Johnny woke up with a jolt and combed his hair with his fingers "i hope its a hot girl".

•"Come in!" Your teacher said and a boy walked in through the door.

•He stood in front of the classroom and bowed "I am Qian Kun from China. Nice to meet you all."

•You could not see him clearly because of your deteriorating eyesight but heard the girls sitting behind you talk about how attractive he was. He took a seat somewhere in the front of the classroom.

•"Where were we.. ah yes" the teacher pointed at a picture of a painting on the presentation screen. "Does someone know what this style is called? Perhaps Kun? "

• "I think its called a Gongbi painting?" Kun answered. Gongbi is a careful realist technique in Chinese paintings. The technique uses highly detailed brushstrokes that delimits details very precisely. It is often highly colored and usually depicts figural or narrative subjects." The teacher nodded in approval.

•"What a nerd." Johnny whispered.

"He is from China, you idiot. He would be knowing this." Taeil whispered back .

•"I have another announcement to make." The teacher said a few minutes before the bell rang.

•"It better be a girl this time." Johnny said watching the door closely.

•"Im giving an assignment which must be submitted before 15th. You are supposed to go to the Art Museum and write a detailed report on the techniques used in 18th century paintings. This must be done in pairs."

•You turned to Taeil but Johnny cut you off before you could say anything, "im taking Taeil this time. You had him last time."

•"But I dont have any other friends!" You complained but Johnny shushed you.

•The bell rang for break and Johnny, a social butterfly, went to befriend the exchange kid.

•"Do you have anything to eat?"

Your introverted friend Taeil took out a bag of sandwiches from his bag, "The same."

•Johnny came back to his seat after a while. "Did you find a partner?" You shook your head.

"Okay dont worry. Kun, come here!" Johnny called for the exchange student.

•Now that you could see him from close up, he was pretty attractive. He had soft features and his eyes looked like those of a puppy.

•"This is Taeil and this is Zoe. Would you like to be Zoe's partner? She doesn't have any friends."

•You felt embarrassed and wanted to punch Johnny but Qian Kun held out his hand for you to shake, "Im Kun. We should become partners!"

•You nodded your head but couldnt say anything. Taeil talked to Kun for a bit but you were too shy 😭. You could breathe only when the bell rang and he went back to his seat.

•"Arent you going to thank me? Im setting you up with such a cute boy."

"You WHAT"

"He has a point." Taeil said, "Try to befriend him. You can stop third wheeling us then."

You punched Taeil's arm, "Shut up."

•The next morning you reached late to class only to see Kun sitting where Taeil usually sits. He smiled and waved at you. Behind him you saw Johnny and Taeil mocking his hand wave and laughing.

•All interactions between you and him were awkward. He initiated most of the conversations and you replied with a yes or no (or i dont know). It was not that you didnt like him...you were just awkward around people.

•"I hate you guys so much." You said to johntae when Kun wasnt around.

"Sorry. We were planning our assignment and didn't want you to listen to it." Taeil said trying not to laugh.

"You should invite him to your house... to plan out stuff." Johnny added.

You turned around when Kun came back. JohnTae were snickering.

•You did it. You invited him to your home(only to discuss the assignment of course).

•Oh boy Kun was an absolutely lovely kid. Very polite and full of manners. He even offered to help your mom do the dishes (in this economy???).

•You realised that you both had a lot in common and you started warming up to him.

•Your family LOVED him and invited him home again.

•Ya both became best friends okay. You liked him as much as you liked Johntae. In fact, you spent more time with him than you did with Johntae now.

•Of course being the little shits they were, they teased you about it a lot. But you swore you felt zero attraction to Kun and liked him only as a friend.

•You guys would go out for movies and ice cream platonic dates and would spend each moment with together. Once when you were drunk you told him every secret you had kept to yourself. He taught you curse words in Chinese. Ya'll had embarrassing nicknames for each other too.

•Oh i almost forgot but you both got an A in your assignment (johntae got a C lol).

•It had been a year now and the day you were dreading had come. Kun was going back home.

•You had never felt so bad in your life. You would have locked yourself in your room and cried but he wanted you to meet him at the airport.

•So as a good friend you took a cab with Johntae to the airport to say your final farewells.

•You could have sworn Johnny had tears in his eyes. Kun had become such an important part of your lives in such a short time. Kun hugged Johnny and Taeil and turned to you.

•"Thank you. For everything." Kun handed you a grey bunny keyring. "Please dont forget me."

"Of course I wouldnt." You hugged him for the first time. He was so soft and comfortable you didnt want to let go. But like every good thing, this one had to come to an end too.

•Kun waved at you three one last time and gave a sad smile before entering the gates of the waiting area.

• You were not going to let go of him that easily. You were already planning to go on a student exchange to China next year. You placed the bunny keyring on top of your study table and said goodnight to it. This one year was truly the most beautiful moment of your life.

🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

Sorry im not a good writer but i didnt know what to do 😭. Anyway, I love you and i hope you have the bestest year ahead full of fun and happiness.

Love you forver @kunnct 💛

#isa did the proofreading #anyway once i move to uni im sending you presents #promise #ily #zoe

[radiohorizon]

38 years later

200 things you can put in my ask 200: My crush’s name is: Lacey😛😍
199: I was born in: 1999
198: I am really: short, tired, sarcastic, idk??
197: My cellphone company is: verizon
196: My eye color is: blue/grey
195: My shoe size is: 3 in kids, 5 in womens
194: My ring size is: i have no idea, probably small but not too small cause i got far fingers
193: My height is: 5'1
192: I am allergic to: sulfa drugs and grass
191: My 1st car was: dont have one
190: My 1st job was: waitress at a local restaurant 
189: Last book you read: King Lear in school but Clockwork Princess for fun
188: My bed is: my favorite and super comfy and my best friend literally comes over just to nap in it
187: My pet: 2 cats, 1 dog
186: My best friend: Andrew, Elizabeth, Abby, Katie, Kristy, Annabelle, Kyle, Hailey, Stevie, Bea
185: My favorite shampoo is: Suave Ocean
184: Xbox or ps3: xbox
183: Piggy banks are: idrc about them??
182: In my pockets: dont have pockeys rn
181: On my calendar: nothings
180: Marriage is: in my future
179: Spongebob can: idrc cause idc
178: My mom: is my favorite person
177: The last three songs I bought were? Wasted youth by fletcher In too deep by the sweeplings Is there somewhere by halsey 176: Last YouTube video watched: “50 things about me” by Nina Jablonska
175: How many cousins do you have? A shit ton
174: Do you have any siblings? 1 sister and 1 brother that ive never met
173: Are your parents divorced? No and i never see them getting divorced. Theyre honestly the only reason i still believe in love
172: Are you taller than your mom? We’re the same height actually
171: Do you play an instrument? Nope
170: What did you do yesterday? Went to school, studied, talked to Lacey, went to sleep

[ I Believe In ]
169: Love at first sight: i dunno
168: Luck: yes
167: Fate: yes
166: Yourself: lmao no
165: Aliens: yes
164: Heaven: i think
163: Hell: yes
162: God: i believe in something
161: Horoscopes: im not sure
160: Soul mates: yes
159: Ghosts: yes
158: Gay Marriage: duh
157: War: i dont really know
156: Orbs: yes
155: Magic: yes

[ This or That ]
154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs
153: Drunk or High: high
152: Phone or Online: depends
151: Red heads or Black haired: dont care
150: Blondes or Brunettes: dont care
149: Hot or cold: cold
148: Summer or winter: summer
147: Autumn or Spring: autumn
146: Chocolate or vanilla: depends because i love chocolate but it gives me headaches
145: Night or Day: night
144: Oranges or Apples: oranges
143: Curly or Straight hair: honestly dont care
142: McDonalds or Burger King: burger king for burgers, mcdonalds for snack wrap
141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: milk chocolate
140: Mac or PC: PC
139: Flip flops or high heals: depends
138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor
137: Coke or Pepsi: coke
136: Hillary or Obama: OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA OBAMA 
135: Burried or cremated: buried in the cemetery up the road from where i live
134: Singing or Dancing: dancing
133: Coach or Chanel: dont care
132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: who are they?
131: Small town or Big city: small town
130: Wal-Mart or Target: how bout kohls
129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: adam Sandler
128: Manicure or Pedicure: manicure because im reallllly ticklish on my feet and i end up flinching the whole time
127: East Coast or West Coast: only ever been on the east coast so idrk
126: Your Birthday or Christmas: christmas
125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate
124: Disney or Six Flags: disney!!!
123: Yankees or Red Sox: how bout Orioles

[ Here’s What I Think About ]
122: War: i respect the people fighting for our country and for others, but i wish everyone could just stop killing eachother
121: George Bush: gross
120: Gay Marriage: Gaaaaayyyyyy
119: The presidential election: grosser
118: Abortion: no judgement on whether or not someone decides to get one. Personally i dont think i could, but will always vote pro choice
117: MySpace: never had one so idk
116: Reality TV: can be entertaining but usually really dumb
115: Parents: i love them more than anything
114: Back stabbers: fuck you
113: Ebay: sketchy
112: Facebook: people are annoying and i hate that i live in hick central
111: Work: dont have ajob but am trying to get one
110: My Neighbors: since 3 of my best friends are my neighbors, i guess theyre alright
109: Gas Prices: way too fucking high
108: Designer Clothes: dont care about them UNLESS its converse because thats my shit right there
107: College: start it in 5 months :(
106: Sports: love em but suck at em
105: My family: my rock and support, but they piss me off a lot
104: The future: scares the fuck out of me

[ Last time I ]
103: Hugged someone: a few ninutes ago
102: Last time you ate: few hours ago
101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: about 2-3 weeks ago at the gym
100: Cried in front of someone: a few weeks ago i cried in front of abby because i found out kelsey has a girlfriend
99: Went to a movie theater: two weekends ago and saw Get Out and holy shit its good
98: Took a vacation: 2-3 years ago
97: Swam in a pool: 2 years ago i think
96: Changed a diaper: never
95: Got my nails done: little over a month ago
94: Went to a wedding: last summer
93: Broke a bone: never
92: Got a peircing: last spring
91: Broke the law: never i think?
90: Texted: about 2 seconds ago i texted Lacey

[ MISC ]
89: Who makes you laugh the most: My lunch table
88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cats and my moms hugs
87: The last movie I saw: i saw get out in theaters but watched thunderbirds for the millionth time in art so im a happy camper
86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: getting the fuck away from this place and these memories
85: The thing im not looking forward to: graduating, starting college, moving away, leaving my friends, leaving my animals, growing up, the list could go on forever
84: People call me: elizabeth, beth, bethany, lizzy, liz, bethyboo, bethers, bethy,
83: The most difficult thing to do is: move on and let go
82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope
81: My zodiac sign is: pisces
80: The first person i talked to today was: lacey or bea idrk
79: First time you had a crush: kindergarten
78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: no one, im pretty good with keeping a good face on
77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: i have no idea
76: Right now I am talking to: Lace💜👑
75: What are you going to do when you grow up: homicide detective or BAU
74: I have/will get a job: soon hopefully
73: Tomorrow: school, test, paint, facetime this beautiful girl, sleep
72: Today: school, test, painted, studied
71: Next Summer: senior weeek🤙🏻 and hopefully just simple hangouts with friends
70: Next Weekend: Stevenson university visit
69: I have these pets: 2 cats (sadie and ziva) and 1 dog (westen oliver)
68: The worst sound in the world: hearing people chew or breathe hard
67: The person that makes me cry the most is: my ex
66: People that make you happy: my friends and parents
65: Last time I cried: last night
64: My friends are: the only reason im alive
63: My computer is: a Windows something
62: My School: sucks
61: My Car: doesnt exist
60: I lose all respect for people who: judge others with no reason and refuse to be nice
59: The movie I cried at was: if I stay and hunger games trilogy
58: Your hair color is: dirty blonde/ light brown
57: TV shows you watch: criminal minds, shameless, the 100, friends, the fosters, lie to me, NCIS, scooby doo
56: Favorite web site: tumblr 
55: Your dream vacation: a lake house
54: The worst pain I was ever in was: recovery after my heart surgery and when they had to take out my chest tubes
53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium
52: My room is: messy but my favorite place
51: My favorite celebrity is: jennifer lawrence or ryan Reynolds or josh hucherson or Noel Fisher
50: Where would you like to be: childhood
49: Do you want children: yes
48: Ever been in love: ye
47: Who’s your best friend: the twins, fergs, abby, rat pack, stevie, hailey, bea
46: More guy friends or girl friends: girl friends
45: One thing that makes you feel great is: gaining more flexibility
44: One person that you wish you could see right now: jarred
43: Do you have a 5 year plan: not really
42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: sorta
41: Have you pre-named your children: yepp. Daesin, Fiona, tegan and ryan
40: Last person I got mad at: my dad
39: I would like to move to: maryland or deleware
38: I wish I was a professional: dancer

[ My Favorites ]
37: Candy: gummy bears and kit kats or smarties
36: Vehicle: jeep Cherokee 
35: President: OBAMA
34: State visited: Florida
33: Cellphone provider: dunno
32: Athlete: Misty Copeland
31: Actor: Ryan Reynolds and Noel Fisher
30: Actress: Jennifer Lawrence
29: Singer: Amy Lee
28: Band: Evanescence
27: Clothing store: KOHLS
26: Grocery store: giant
25: TV show: shameless
24: Movie: thunderbirds or chitty chitty bang bang
23: Website: tumblr
22: Animal: monkey
21: Theme park: disney
20: Holiday: halloween
19: Sport to watch: allstar cheerleading or soccer
18: Sport to play: soccer
17: Magazine: dont have one but if i did i guess people?
16: Book: WAYYY too many
15: Day of the week: wednesday
14: Beach: bethany beach
13: Concert attended: evanescence even tho i couldnt see shit
12: Thing to cook: grilled cheese
11: Food: cheeseburger
10: Restaurant: green turtle
9: Radio station: 106.5
8: Yankee candle scent: i dunno
7: Perfume: hollister or ed hardy
6: Flower: rose
5: Color: purple
4: Talk show host: my girl ellen
3: Comedian: john Maloney, kevin heart, illiza shelshinger 
2: Dog breed: golden retriever 
1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yeppers

#asks #asks answers #💜👑

[lalka-laski]

Do you and your parents like any of the same bands/singers? Absolutely. They’re responsible for majority of my music taste. And I love when the roles reverse and THEY latch onto a band/artist that I introduced to them.  Is there any food in your bedroom? Nope. I rarely eat in there anymore.  Do you know anyone who has road rage? My boyfriend. Driving with him gives me headaches for that reason! Too often I have to ask him to calm down and stop cursing.  How expensive is too expensive for a pair of shoes? I’m not a shoes person at all, so any amount of money is more than I care to spend How far away do your grandparents live from you? Their assisted living facility is just about 10-15 minutes from my apartment 

What kinds of cereal are in the cupboard? Cinnamon Toast Crunch for my 5 year old self, and some kind of Great Grains for Glenn’s 85 year old self.  Is there anything related to cats in your bedroom? Uhhh nope  Whats the last thing you spent over 10$ on? I spent over $100 yesterday at Bath & Body Works. But in my defense, $55 worth of it was for my sister & she’s paying me back! Over 30$? See above^. I can’t help a candle sale!! Do you know who lives three houses down from you? I live in an apartment complex  Do you think Canadians all really love maple syrup? It seeps out their pores instead of sweat. Everyone knows this. Is there a bulletin board in your room? Negative Is your mom a big health freak or your dad? Or neither? My mom is a conscientious eater (although she’s very balanced and regularly indulges in her favorite “treats” and wine). My dad, on the other hand, eats and drinks whatever he pleases with no regard for his own health. It worries me sometimes.  Easter or Halloween? Those are actually two of my favorites! Do you know anyone who wants to be the president one day? No way  What kinds of chips are in the cupboards? Two kinds of Doritos, two kinds of tortilla chips, and some Great Value Cheddar & Sour Cream.  Do you have your moms or dads hair? I’m the only blonde in the family so.... neither? Whats the first thing you see when you walk into your bedroom? The bed, most likely  Have you ever skipped history class? In college, I’m sure.  Do you own any yellow clothes? Very little, if any. I’m too pale to pull of yellow.  Do you have any friends who have naturally red hair? Strawberry blonde or auburn, but no full-on redheads. Have you ever cried when a teacher retired? I can’t say I have Does your kitchen looks like it was designed in a completely different decade?  Eh, kinda. My guess would be late 90′s?  Whens the last time you wore heels? Years & years ago  Do you have your moms or dads eyes? My dad’s Is there anything shiny in the room youre in? Not really  Whats the best date movie? I’m not big on movies, much less on a date. It’s too impersonal.  How long has your current best friend been your best friend? My longest best friend & I have known each other for 28 years strong! Have your parents ever been out of the country? My mom was born “out of the country” and my dad was military, so he’s traveled across the globe.  Are you older then the last person you laughed with? Nope  How many pairs of jeans, all together, are in your house? Uh, I don’t know or care enough to count Do you swear and yell while playing video games? I don’t play them to begin with. But Glenn does & he does occasionally swear but only under his breath. He doesn’t go Kyle mode.  Would you rather name your daughter Andrea or Eva? They’re both quite pretty.  Is there any alcohol in the fridge? Do you know me? If you had to get up at 6am tomorrow morning, would it be painful? I’m up by 5:30 most days and yes, it is painful. Tomorrow would be especially so because it’s supposed to be my sleep-in day! Have you ever seen the last person you watched TV with drunk? Ha, sure have. Has a best friend ever ditched you for a girlfriend/boyfriend? Not altogether but for certain occasions.  Would you rather get a new brother or sister? My parents are WAY too old for this to even be a consideration.

Do you have anything in your room youve had for ten years or more? Plenty of things. I’m very sentimental and I like holding on to stuff for years and years.  Would you ever kiss the last person who messaged you on facebook/MSN/etc? I’m Fb Messaging with Glenn right now and I plan to kiss him as soon as I get home.  Do eat at home or in restaurants more? Well thanks to Covid, eating out in restaurants was impossible for several months. I’m slowly making my way out into the public again but I certainly eat at home more. Who has the money to dine out every night??  Whens the last time you were so excited you couldnt sleep? Why? It’s been awhile. These days, it’s more that I’m too anxious to sleep. Audrey Hepburn or Audrey Kicthing? I have no clue who the latter is but I’d choose Audrey Hepburn over anyone, regardless.

If your best friends birthday was next week, what would you get them? It depends which best friend we’re talking about  What is your moms favorite movie? Love Actually  How much older is your dad then you? Oh boy, gonna make me do some math here?? Pass. What TV family reminds you of your own family? We are the family from Last Man Standing to a T!  Do you own any flip-flops? They’re my preferred footwear. I’m wearing a pair right now! Did you ever really believe that the stork brought babies? My parents never told me that, I don’t think. Do you have any relatives who really spoil you? Sure Are there any drawers in your house that are just filled with junk? The drawers of my art desk are a hodge podge  Is the last person you spoke to in love? Yeah! How far away is Chicago from where you live? I don’t feel like looking it up Do you know anyone who always looks perfect? Who? A few people, yes.  Do you know anyone who has security cameras in their house? Yep Do you think Zac Efron is really that good looking? I honestly never did. Pretty boys aren’t my type.  What was the last movie to make you cry? I won’t lie, I teared up a little at Lilo & Stitch the other night Has anyone you know ever pulled the fire alarm in school, joking around? There was somebody in my residence hall Freshman year who did that often. How mature, right? Who was the main character in the last book you read? Her name was Margaret  Is the last person you said goodbye to single? Nope, she’s married  Who are the last people you saw kiss? Honestly I’m not sure. I haven’t kissed Glenn in public in awhile because we have to be masked up wherever we go Have you ever posted a fan fiction on a website? Nope Do you ever fantasize about your future wedding? Whos the bride/groom? I honestly never did until I met the love of my life. Now I daydream about it often :)  Chapstick or lipgloss? Chapstick. I haven’t worn lipgloss since probably middle school. What was the last unplesant thing to wake you up? Oh my God. I had intense night terrors last night that I can hardly bring myself to talk about now. They were so bad I was shaking.  Do you have any friends who are ALWAYS kissing their bf/gf? I might be that friend LOL Does that get annoying? I’m sure people probably think we’re annoying or at least *ahem* excessive.  Would you rather look at clouds or stars? Why not both? If you could trade appearances with the last person you hugged, would you? This is is an uncomfortable question!  Do you have any relatives who are expecting a baby really soon? Actually no. Not that I know of, at least....  Do you ever wonder what the opposite sex do at sleepovers? I’m assuming video games & berating women?  When you get married, who will be the maid of honor/best man? I have two sisters so they will share the title Does your best friend get along with their parents? I have multiple best friends & the answer to this varies If you were to walk to Florida from where you live, would it take long? It would take YEARS Do you understand why ‘To kill a mockingbird’ is called what it is? Yep When’s the last time you broke plans? Why? I do it semi frequently. I’m always gung-ho about plans when I make them, but get struck by laziness and anxiety when the time rolls around. Have you ever been in a wedding? What were you? I was the flower girl for my aunt’s wedding when I was 4. I got halfway down the aisle, noticed everyone staring at me and burst into tears. Classic!  Would you feel safer with an alarm systen or security camera? Both, although I guess a security camera is no good if you only use it in retrospect, huh?  Does the last person you touched smoke? I don’t think she does Do you know someone who is CONSTANTLY texting? Does that annoy you? IT’S ME I’M BITCHES Does it matter to you what kind of shampoo you use? Definitely. Especially because my hair’s color treated. I need to use regular shampoo to keep it clean and then purple shampoo to keep the yellow tones at bay.  Rate this survey from 1 to 5 (1 worst, 5 best): Honestly this was a solid 5!