#anyway once i move to uni im sending you presents

[fullsunflower-remade]

Amici per Sempre

(I couldnt find a fancy word so i used a foreign language to make it look fancy)

Dear zozo, happy 19th birthday. We love you so much!💖💖. I wasnt able to do anything special but here is something I wrote for you-

🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

• It had been only 20 minutes since your class started but it felt like an hour already.

•Johnny was sleeping next to you and Taeil passed his time by drawing random stuff on your hand. You tried focusing on what the teacher was saying but kept zoning out.

•"I have an exciting announcement to make." You teacher said in the most bland and unexciting voice. You swore to kill her if she was taking another test tomorrow.

•Someone knocked on the classroom door. "We have an exchange student!" Your teacher said pointing at the door.

•The classroom was suddenly alive and abuzz with activity. Johnny woke up with a jolt and combed his hair with his fingers "i hope its a hot girl".

•"Come in!" Your teacher said and a boy walked in through the door.

•He stood in front of the classroom and bowed "I am Qian Kun from China. Nice to meet you all."

•You could not see him clearly because of your deteriorating eyesight but heard the girls sitting behind you talk about how attractive he was. He took a seat somewhere in the front of the classroom.

•"Where were we.. ah yes" the teacher pointed at a picture of a painting on the presentation screen. "Does someone know what this style is called? Perhaps Kun? "

• "I think its called a Gongbi painting?" Kun answered. Gongbi is a careful realist technique in Chinese paintings. The technique uses highly detailed brushstrokes that delimits details very precisely. It is often highly colored and usually depicts figural or narrative subjects." The teacher nodded in approval.

•"What a nerd." Johnny whispered.

"He is from China, you idiot. He would be knowing this." Taeil whispered back .

•"I have another announcement to make." The teacher said a few minutes before the bell rang.

•"It better be a girl this time." Johnny said watching the door closely.

•"Im giving an assignment which must be submitted before 15th. You are supposed to go to the Art Museum and write a detailed report on the techniques used in 18th century paintings. This must be done in pairs."

•You turned to Taeil but Johnny cut you off before you could say anything, "im taking Taeil this time. You had him last time."

•"But I dont have any other friends!" You complained but Johnny shushed you.

•The bell rang for break and Johnny, a social butterfly, went to befriend the exchange kid.

•"Do you have anything to eat?"

Your introverted friend Taeil took out a bag of sandwiches from his bag, "The same."

•Johnny came back to his seat after a while. "Did you find a partner?" You shook your head.

"Okay dont worry. Kun, come here!" Johnny called for the exchange student.

•Now that you could see him from close up, he was pretty attractive. He had soft features and his eyes looked like those of a puppy.

•"This is Taeil and this is Zoe. Would you like to be Zoe's partner? She doesn't have any friends."

•You felt embarrassed and wanted to punch Johnny but Qian Kun held out his hand for you to shake, "Im Kun. We should become partners!"

•You nodded your head but couldnt say anything. Taeil talked to Kun for a bit but you were too shy 😭. You could breathe only when the bell rang and he went back to his seat.

•"Arent you going to thank me? Im setting you up with such a cute boy."

"You WHAT"

"He has a point." Taeil said, "Try to befriend him. You can stop third wheeling us then."

You punched Taeil's arm, "Shut up."

•The next morning you reached late to class only to see Kun sitting where Taeil usually sits. He smiled and waved at you. Behind him you saw Johnny and Taeil mocking his hand wave and laughing.

•All interactions between you and him were awkward. He initiated most of the conversations and you replied with a yes or no (or i dont know). It was not that you didnt like him...you were just awkward around people.

•"I hate you guys so much." You said to johntae when Kun wasnt around.

"Sorry. We were planning our assignment and didn't want you to listen to it." Taeil said trying not to laugh.

"You should invite him to your house... to plan out stuff." Johnny added.

You turned around when Kun came back. JohnTae were snickering.

•You did it. You invited him to your home(only to discuss the assignment of course).

•Oh boy Kun was an absolutely lovely kid. Very polite and full of manners. He even offered to help your mom do the dishes (in this economy???).

•You realised that you both had a lot in common and you started warming up to him.

•Your family LOVED him and invited him home again.

•Ya both became best friends okay. You liked him as much as you liked Johntae. In fact, you spent more time with him than you did with Johntae now.

•Of course being the little shits they were, they teased you about it a lot. But you swore you felt zero attraction to Kun and liked him only as a friend.

•You guys would go out for movies and ice cream platonic dates and would spend each moment with together. Once when you were drunk you told him every secret you had kept to yourself. He taught you curse words in Chinese. Ya'll had embarrassing nicknames for each other too.

•Oh i almost forgot but you both got an A in your assignment (johntae got a C lol).

•It had been a year now and the day you were dreading had come. Kun was going back home.

•You had never felt so bad in your life. You would have locked yourself in your room and cried but he wanted you to meet him at the airport.

•So as a good friend you took a cab with Johntae to the airport to say your final farewells.

•You could have sworn Johnny had tears in his eyes. Kun had become such an important part of your lives in such a short time. Kun hugged Johnny and Taeil and turned to you.

•"Thank you. For everything." Kun handed you a grey bunny keyring. "Please dont forget me."

"Of course I wouldnt." You hugged him for the first time. He was so soft and comfortable you didnt want to let go. But like every good thing, this one had to come to an end too.

•Kun waved at you three one last time and gave a sad smile before entering the gates of the waiting area.

• You were not going to let go of him that easily. You were already planning to go on a student exchange to China next year. You placed the bunny keyring on top of your study table and said goodnight to it. This one year was truly the most beautiful moment of your life.

🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

Sorry im not a good writer but i didnt know what to do 😭. Anyway, I love you and i hope you have the bestest year ahead full of fun and happiness.

Love you forver @kunnct 💛

#isa did the proofreading #anyway once i move to uni im sending you presents #promise #ily #zoe

[gwoongi]

wordless pt.3

jeon jeongguk / reader genre: hitman (john wick au), sugar daddy au, angst rating: mature words: 3.5k warnings: toxic relationships, non graphic sex a/n: im sleepy but hey im also rly glad bts made a statement about the blm movement :D

Sometimes, saying “I love you” is inappropriate, and given your circumstances, you think it might send Jeongguk over the edge if he hears them again.

Parts: One, Two, Three, Four, Five

(21) Sharing your umbrella with them in the rain.

“Yeah, I did, I submitted it on Thursday. What do you mean, did it get a good mark, it’s only Monday.” As you near the front windows of the building, you sigh and stare at the gloomy clouds presented behind the glass. Korea is cold and wet and dark today. “Fuck, rain. Anyway, I’ll call you later, Eunji, okay?”

Eunji agrees and hangs up the phone before you get the chance to, and you’re left in the cool shadow of the largest cloud in the sky. From nine until eleven, you have a morning class on Monday; today, due to request from at least five students confused by the essay title that was due on Friday evening, the class ran for an additional hour and a half, all of the subject material covered with a general extension for the following Fri. Typical, as you rushed it to hand it in before submission.

“Not going home, Y/N?”

You suck your top teeth with disappointment, “Not yet, Professor, I need to make a call.”

The slim professor arrives at your elbow, “Boyfriend?”

“Not really,” you confess. You glance at your phone and find Jeongguk’s number, “but he owes me a few favours here and there, it won’t hurt to bring an umbrella or something.”

“Good luck,” she laughs. She doesn’t offer her umbrella, despite it being tucked under her armpit, and her car is parked in sight close to the windows. At that, she leaves and you send Jeongguk a quick text message. If he’s working presently, the text will annoy him less than a call.

Raining! I’m stuck, can you send some to come and get me?

Jeongguk must be in office, because his reply is speedy. Forget your subway card again?

I never ask for anything, would it hurt you to send someone to get me?

He doesn’t reply for five minutes, and then, Uni, right?

It takes at least fifteen minutes before a vehicle pulls up across the small car-park; it’s a black car, shiny and wet and loud, and you bristle at its entry. Quickly, you hug your coat closer around your body and when you glance back up towards the window, you’re surprised to see Jeongguk himself briskly crossing the lot with an umbrella over his head.

“I’m here to pick up a Y/N L/N, you seen her?” he asks when he reaches the door, smiling as you haul it open and stare at him with happy surprise. “You did not dress for the weather.”

“The app said it would be cloudy,” you huff.

“Baby, it’s January, what did you expect,” Jeongguk sighs, wrapping an arm around your shoulders and bringing you closer to his body. Like this, he walks alongside you towards the car and for a moment, he glances around the complex out the corner of his eye. This University isn’t the dog's bollocks, because as much as he’s willing to help fund you at University, he can’t pay for you to be smarter. You’re pretty happy where you are, not being at a big-name University but doing the exact same degree anyways. He’s happy that you’re happy, but if it were him, he’d probably redecorate the front.

(22) Listening to them while they vent.

When Jeongguk vents, he doesn’t just vent. He never sits you down in front of him and lets it all out, nor does he slink away to therapy, or whining over the phone, or sleepy pillow talk where everything feels safer when you’re seconds away from falling asleep.

Instead, Jeongguk fucks away his problems, and as he does it, you tend to get an earful.

“And,” he grunts, one slap, one thrust, “I fucked it up.” One more. “All of it.” Another groan, a deeper push, “Fuck!”

You like to let him get it all out, and on the plus side, you get what you need which is to relieve the pressure of wanting in your stomach. It’s better when he’s angry, better for both of you, and he’s full of apologies when he’s finished, as if he was yelling at you and not at himself.

“Last time I ever work with Taehyung,” he spits. “Fuck. Ugh.”

You’ll ask him about it later.

(23) Taking a picture together to print and hang later.

One night, you’re over at Jeongguk’s. It’s not unusual that you’re here, especially when you’re here so often that his house feels like your own. From the bathroom, the shower runs loudly and Jeongguk sings, mostly to himself, in the water, meanwhile you dance around his kitchen making tea and bringing it to the bedroom where he’ll come in later when he’s done.

His room is golden and warm, and the curtains are drawn but the thin netting softens the sunset outside. You circle around the end of Jeongguk’s bed and set his cup on the bedside table on his side, closest to the window, when you notice something new sitting in a frame by the lamp. Okay, you’ll bite.

You put down both mugs and in exchange pick up the frame. Something warm bubbles inside your stomach as you look down at the frame; the picture, you’ve never seen before, but it’s of you. You remember the photo being taken in Colmar, the time that Jeongguk came to see you to satisfy his own boredom and need. Never did you imagine it would be a photo he’d print, let alone put in a frame next to his bed. It’s a pretty photo, too, with the river behind you and the sun on your skin, your hair only slightly in your face.

Not a perfect photo, but a pretty one. Jeongguk must like it enough to have printed it.

The shower cuts off in the bathroom and you move quickly, protecting an image of innocence as you put the frame back where it once was, and pick up your mug and place it on your bedside table. You’ve placed Jeongguk’s mug so that he could take it both ways. Maybe he’ll think you didn’t see the frame, or maybe he’ll know you did. He must have put it there for a reason, you think, and then you stop thinking when Jeongguk opens the bathroom door and enters the bedroom.

(24) Tracing your names together in the sand.

Jeongguk had a call from Hawaii. It was brief, and you imagine not very pleasant, but he had to go nonetheless. Jeongguk sure as hell wasn’t going to go to Hawaii without you, no matter how dangerous that might be for him. He told you with two hours notice to pack up your shit and meet him at his place. The plane took off three hours later, and Hawaii here you come.

He never liked to be late, or behind schedule, and so the job that needed to be done was done in a record breaking speed. Like always, he’d have some time to kill before needing to flee to avoid the authorities, and when Jeongguk heads back home after the deed is done, he steps into an empty room and his skin runs cold.

“Y/N?” he calls, to no response. He sets down his things and moves around the suite, his eyes darting to every area.

There is a moment where Jeongguk fears for the worst and out of instinct grabs the gun tucked into his belt. He pulls it out in the bedroom but pauses when out of the corner of his eye, he sees a person standing on the beach just outside the window. Jeongguk pauses.

Outside, the sun is warm and burning orange, sinking down into the pretty waves. You could get used to Hawaii, maybe, if you failed at journalism at the end of your degree, or if Jeongguk hurt your feelings enough that you felt living in Korea itself would be too painful to endure.

“Y/N!”

You turn over your shoulder, noticing Jeongguk stepping down from the dunes. He’s still in his suit, a black fit that makes him look slender and tall and absolutely stunning. His hair is still wild and wet and there’s blood on the inside of his blazer, a red that contrasts the white of his shirt. You won’t mention it, because he probably knows already.

“Hey,” you call back.

“It’s- it’s not safe for you to be out here on your own,” he explains, finally by your side. “Fuck, I was worried you’d been kidnapped, or something.”

“Oh, sorry,” you reply. “The sunset was just too pretty.”

Jeongguk sighs with his hands on his hips. “Yeah, it is. Hawaii does sunsets better than Korea, that’s for sure.”

Jeongguk stands next to you and says nothing for a few seconds. The sunset is indeed gorgeous, like something ripped out of a painting from a gallery somewhere fancy and famous. You hum quietly, and jump slightly to the left to grab a large stick off the sand. Jeongguk has to stop himself from smiling as you pick it up, like a kid who pretends the stick is a sword.

“I used to write rude things in the sand for the people in planes who flew past, every single time we went on vacation when I was a kid,” you announce.

Jeongguk laughs, “You were some kid, huh?”

“Maybe you killed the wrong one,” you think, and Jeongguk frowns.

“Can you not bring that up all the time?” You look at him and he frowns deeper, “I know you’re happy about it and stuff, but like...not my proudest moment. Makes me feel sucky.”

“Oh,” you answer. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Just a joke.”

He shrugs, “I know. But still.”

You stab the sand with the stick. “I thought maybe it was like, fitting?”

Jeongguk lifts his head to the sky and closes his eyes. “Can’t we have a trip where we just pretend to be in love or something so I don’t feel so shit about the reason why we came here?”

That shuts you up for a moment, and you turn fully to face him as he continues to stare at the sky.

“Like Colmar, maybe,” you press, and he looks down.

“Yeah.”

It sits there for a bit, like you’re genuinely contemplating it, but then you straighten with a little huff and turn to him.

“Seems fair,” you agree.

Jeongguk almost exhales a sigh of relief and he smiles, genuinely, and follows you across the beach. The tide is a little out, the sand damp where the sea once was and like children, you embrace the fun that’s waiting to be had on the shores. Chasing the waves, running from them, staring at cute crabs that scurry across the sand and laughing at the cute kids that drop their ice creams in the water.

Jeongguk takes the stick gently from your hand and points it towards the white sand, pressing the tip against the grains. You smile against his arm as you bend to see what he draws; the stick drags across the sand and outlines a J, and the first initial of your name. Oh, you think, as he closes them inside a heart and stands back to admire his work.

It’s cute, childishly cute, and he looks proud. Jeongguk beams at you for approval and you smile back, happy.

“Photo,” you say and Jeongguk drops to a crouch near the design and poses with the stick. This photo is cute, probably cuter than the one from Colmar. Jeongguk even lets you keep it.

(25) Wearing clothes in their favourite colour.

Jeongguk’s favourite colour was white, and he loved the way a white shirt or a white coat or any white accessory would look on you. Sadistically he’d love you in the white clothes he ruins, seeing you wrap your body in a white shirt dressed with blood. White was his muse, a colour of purity and innocence. Although he always wore black for work, he had to have an admiration for the colour of white, standard paper or milk white.

Jeongguk knows that your favourite colour is green. He can tell by the amount of green plants around your apartment, and the green blankets and pillows and mugs and the unusual amount of green clothing items you have in your wardrobe. He even remembers the tie you bought him once, a Slytherin green that he actually really likes despite his Hogwarts house being Ravenclaw.

You’ve never actually seen him wear the tie, not until today when Jeongguk makes a quick stop by your apartment as he heads back to the office. He steps inside with a brown bag filled with bagels and he kisses your forehead by the front door and hands them to you. You see the tie and smile; Jeongguk sure as hell looks great in your favourite colour.

(26) Doing a chore for them that you know they aren’t fond of.

You’re lucky that you never really came across Elio, never once when you were at Jeongguk’s home. You had assumed that Elio was sleeping, or elsewhere on days you visited or nights you slept over. To your surprise and perhaps horror, you discovered that Elio had been there all along, just disinterested in coming out to see you from the few rooms that Jeongguk converted into his own personal habitat.

“You just had him here all this time?” you screech quietly, running back into the bedroom after seeing Elio on the couch. “What the fuck.”

“He’s harmless,” Jeongguk shrugs. “He’s not interested in a human diet right now.”

“Right now? That’s not comforting,” you reply. “I’m happy to go through all your shitty paperwork for you, it’s something I actually enjoy, but can you please go out and get them for me?”

Jeongguk cocks his head to the side, “why, can’t find them?”

“They’re in the living room, on the table,” you explain, peering back out, “but Elio’s on the couch.”

He laughs, rising, “He’s not gonna even touch you.”

“He might.”

“He won’t.”

“You don’t know that!”

“No, but he doesn’t hurt me, so he won’t hurt you.”

You gape. “What? He’s your pet, of course he won’t hurt you. He trusts you. He doesn’t even know me.”

Jeongguk sighs loudly and ruffles your hair as he crosses your path. “Whatever. You’re such a fuckin pussy,” then he kisses your neck and heads out into the living room. You quiver by the doorway as he moves without a flinch towards Elio.

The giant cat picks his head up off the couch and yawns in Jeongguk’s direction, his tail swooshing prettily over the side of the couch. His black fur blends into the blanket he lies on and as he blinks slowly, Jeongguk reaches to pet his head and behind his ears. Elio basks in the love, pressing his head further into Jeongguk’s palm, oddly dog-like. Jeongguk spends a few more moments with his beloved exotic and then finally, like he’s reluctant to, picks up the large and messy stack of papers and then walks back towards the bedroom with a smug expression. Elio’s head falls back to sleep.

“Touch me, check I’m still alive after my dangerous encounter,” Jeongguk says, bringing the papers into the room and dropping them on the bed.

“Shut up,” you huff.

(27) Leaving a plate of food in the microwave for when they have a late shift.

A call from Eunji at eight in the evening destroys all the plans you had set in place. Jeongguk had been called to meet with one of the founders of the South Korean Continental, and wouldn’t be back until around nine. You had prepped an entire meal, sitting ready on the side for when he got home.

“I’m sorry, I wouldn’t call if it wasn’t absolutely important,” Eunji apologises, sounding flustered on the line, “I just. I didn’t know who else to call. I went back to the library, I think I got rid of him, but he was definitely following me from the restaurant. Fuck, Y/N, it was so scary.”

“Hey, it’s okay, I’m glad you called me,” you assure her, already putting your shoes on, “I can’t believe he showed up again. Didn’t he get put in jail?”

Eunji hums like she’s not convinced, “Out on bail, eighty kay.”

“Fuck. Do you, uh,” you start, thinking of if it’s okay to say, “want me to call someone else?” Jeongguk?

Eunji is one of the only people alive who knows about Jeongguk. She had been your best friend since you were seven, and was one of the only people who remained by your side after Jeongguk had your brother executed, and after you decided to become Jeongguk’s little play thing for a few weeks until he lost control and kept you around. Eunji’s no stranger to his antics, and if you warped the story a little, Jeongguk would have no issues with sorting the problem at hand.

“No, no, don’t,” Eunji begs. “He’ll take it too far. People will point fingers at me. Can you just come and get me?”

“Of course,” you tell her. “We’ll go back to mine, I can see Jeongguk whenever.”

Eunji exhales in relief, “I love you, you know that? You’re the best friend ever.”

You hang up a few minutes later and stare sadly at the meal. But it can’t be helped. Jeongguk’s bailed on you a thousand times for his colleagues. He wouldn’t mind, after a few hours of thinking about it. You sigh with repent and move the food towards the microwave.

Rescuing Eunji. Call me, I can come back tomorrow. Please eat.

Jeongguk finds the note when he gets home and scrunches it into a ball in the bin.

He eats alone, in silence, the other side of the table still prepped for another person.

(28) Sharing a drink with them from the same straw.

“Enjoy the movie!”

“Thanks.”

Jeongguk takes the two tickets from the vender and steers you towards the corridor that leads to the rooms. On this rare occasion, Jeongguk has decided to court you. Quite literally, Jeongguk had called you up and asked if you wanted to go on a date, or something, because he was bored and liked you most, and he knows there’s a movie you’ve been wanting to see.

“Are you sure you wanna watch it with me?” you ask him, even though he’s already got the tickets and is walking next to you.

“Yeah, of course, why wouldn’t I?”

“I just didn’t think you were a cinema kind of person,” you confess.

Jeongguk hums, “To be honest, I’m not. But this movie looks good, and you wanna see it, and how often do we do things that you wanna do?”

It’s true.

The cinema room is dark and empty, since you’re both early to begin with. As always, it’s a little bit sticky and smelly, and Jeongguk pushes you towards the back row because it is inarguably the best place to sit in the cinema. You set down the large drink in between you both, two straws poking out in each of your directions.

“It’s great this movie is showing here,” you say quietly.

“Yeah, well the LGBT plus movement is really popular now, people are a lot more accepting of it,” Jeongguk states. “I mean, look at how well The Handmaiden did.”

You nod, “great movie.”

“It is,” he agrees. A few minutes later and the lights dim significantly, the movie is probably about to start. Jeongguk leans to the left a little and sips from the drink.

(29) Tucking their hair behind their ear to help them get it out of their face.

Uni’s tough, nobody said it wasn’t. Jeongguk doesn’t really understand this, since he never went to University. He brings a mug of tea from the kitchen to his bedroom where you’re sitting cross-legged staring at a laptop, setting it to the side and sitting just behind you but to your side, watching you closely.

“You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what,” you mutter dimly.

“Overworking yourself,” Jeongguk replies, “I can see your brain fucking pulsing against your skull.”

You sigh loudly. “I can’t do this. Why did I enroll in University? I should have just put it all away after high school and become a trophy wife.”

Jeongguk’s brows furrow. “You can still be a trophy wife, you’ll just be a smart one.”

You look at him. “I’m not smart enough for this.”

For a while, Jeongguk doesn’t say anything, and he just sits listening to you. As you vent, and open up about how hard it is to do this damn degree, Jeongguk watches your face and your body and uses his fingers to gently tuck the hair that falls in front of your face behind your ear. The passion that pours out of you when you’re frustrated is an unspoken beauty that you’re not even aware of, and Jeongguk eats it up.

He does what he can to put you at ease, because things he says in encouragement are things you already know anyway. Like all humans, all you need is a little bit of love, and Jeongguk’s happy to give it if it means you’re happy with him.

(30) Helping scratch that itch on their back they can’t reach.

“Can’t reach. Baby, scratch my back for me?”

You cringe away from the TV, “what the fuck am I? Your maid?”

“Please?”

You sigh. “Where’s it itching?”

“Thanks, you’re the best.”

“You don’t pay me enough for this.”

“I don’t pay you at all.”

Sigh. “Exactly.”

#wrote this watching high society its a bad movie dont watch it #jungkook scenario #bts scenario #jeongguk scenario #bts #bangtan #bts imagine #jungkook imagine #jungkook #jeongguk #bts jungkook #jungkook x reader #jeongguk x reader #jeon jeongguk #jeon jungkook #jjk #bts mafia au #sugar daddy au #wordless

[bangtanficrecs]

Lost & Found Batch #16

Here’s the newest batch! As always, if you happen to know the fic the ask is looking for, reply to this post or send us an ask with the request number and title/author. If you happen to know any fics from Past Batches, those are more than welcome as well. Thank you!! ~ Admin P

1) Hi! I read a fic awhile back and I lost it :( . I know for sure it wasn't completeled, and it was taekook, with an ABO thing basically what happened was taehyung was forced to live with jeongguks pack bc other packs are after him bc he apparently can have kids as an Omega and namjoon and Jim and jeongguks parents and the head of the pack and taehyung and jeongguks start to fall in love but taehyung gets injured at some point so they stay in a safe house away from everyone???

2) There was this fic where every member was a shifter werewolf but jimin was human and he was paired with yoongi. And i remember him being friends with tae, also there was namjin as a side pairing, jimin moving to a village or something, they were going camping... this is all i can remember i hope you can help me find it 🙏🏻

light side of the moon by themelonlord

3) hello! i’m looking for a ff on ao3. i’m pretty sure namjoon is a producer, in once scene hes recording a song for an indie artist and he and another member have a convo, they had just gotten in a fight im prT sure. the artist that’s recording then says “you two should date” as theyre walking out or something like that, and namjoon says be quiet. the artist that was recording has an american name for SURE. i’m prT sure its namjoon and yoongi? ik its vague, sorry :( i appreciate your hard work!

4) there was a taekook fic where one of them was an anroid/ cyborg kind of thing and they kept him in a huge room. he was a really smart boy until he died and then he got turned into a cyborg? he had a traumatic past and died after remembering it(?) then they re- made him outside the room. that was vague but i read it a reeaally long time ago (◞ ‸ ◟ㆀ) pls find it for me! thanks in advance!

5) I can’t remember the name of this one doc I read a year ago. I think it was jikook? Anyway, it was a soulmate au where any physical pain you felt your soulmate would feel too. Jungkook selfharms with a lighter, and Jimin feels his pain.

6) Hello, I’ve been searching for this fic for a while, it’s namjin, and I think it’s a one shot. Namjoon is really clumsy and having like a bad day and meets barista Jin and clumsily flirts and Jin gives him his number on a coffee cup in the end? I’ve tried a lot of googling I just can’t find it!!!!

7) Hey sorry to bother you but I've been searching on my own forever now and can't seem to find it. It's a taegi fic where yoongi is a wolf and tae a photographer. Yoongi warns tae to leave or there will be consequences but he doesn't. Yoongi ends up having to save tae and they run away but the alpha bit tae so he also becomes a wolf and yoongi has to teach him how to control it and in the midst of it goes into heat. If you know what fic this is it make me very happy!

8) Hi!! I love all your recs, and I was wondering if you'd be able to find this fic for me? It was a yoonkook fic where yoongi buys lingerie for kook I think and also yoongi really likes canned coffee?? Also at one point they go to stay at a cabin. As far as I can remember it's not an automated so they're still in bts?? Sorry its not much to go off but thankyou !!

good as gold by cyphertonic

9) hello!!! i was wondering if you know the name of a yoonseok fic? yoongi is being like a brat when they’re about to have sex and hoseok gets tired of it so he moves away and he makes yoongi edge himself until he falls asleep. hoseok also starts dirty talking to him and degrading him and yoongi starts crying bc hoseok says something along the lines like he’d “rather fuck someone else”. i’m not sure if this was enough detail, but thanks in advance! (-:

On The Edge With You by superrunnaturall

10) Hi, do you know the namjin fic where Jin has an eating disorder. Namjoon comes back from being away, notices Jin has gotten skinnier and finds out about Jin’s ED when he discovers a bag of wrappers in his closet? I think it was a one-shot. Thank you!

11) Hello! I've been looking for months for this one fic. It's where jungkook has these vivid dreams about a car crash. Same nightmare but it recurs. And then they basically act out the accident, but jungkook freaks out and saves them. I think it was jin/jungkook but it could also be ot7. Please help me find it!

I don't know the name, but I know more info about the fic in Lost and found Batch #16 (the 11th ask). Jungkook keeps having nightmares about the car getting hit by a truck and going over the side, into the water. He always wakes up right before "dying" because his seatbelt was stuck and Yoongi couldn't get it to open. One day they're in the car and Jungkook starts having a panic attack because of the premonition so they pull over. Then the group finds out that the accident happened further up

12) Hi, I was wondering if you could help me find a tic I read on ao3 a while ago! It’s was a yoongi/hoseok fic. I remember it was really long and a slow burn fic with lots of kissing. I remember they shared an apartment that they had just bought and the author had a this whole thing where they said “the point is their apartment is shit” and old it kept saying things like that. I also remember yoongi’s Dog was in it. Sorry I’m not very good at describing things

kiss me hard before you go by 777335

13) Hello, I can't find that fanfic where jimin sent a video to jungkook where jimin and taehyung was doing the do, and in the end of the fic jimin was saying "I won". Please help

I Can't Even by handintheshot

14) I’m looking for this fic where Yoongi is a radio host or smth and if I remember correctly so is Namjoon. There’s so relationship drama between the main ship (I forgot which one it was ;;-;;) and I’m pretty sure Jimin plays a significant role?? Sorry this is super vague T-T

The Dokkaebi Podcast by amanofpenrose

15) Hi, I really need help to find a fanfic of mainly about jikook couple that I’ve read a long time ago. I think it is completed either in the year of 2016 or 2017, I can’t remember exactly. So, basically, the setting in the space, in which Jimin helped Jungkook. Fast forward, Jungkook is allowed to stay and then become the youngest squad to explore the space etc. The story is told in present and past as jungkook and Namjoon are captured by rebels for five years. Side ship includes yoonjin

16) I've been trying to find a jin/yoongi fix that I read a while ago. I believe it was two chapters but not very long. Yoongi walks by jins shop each day but realizes he never noticed it before. I believe he smelled the baked goods and went in. Jins cat loved him. In the end basically jin tells yoongi that he is a witch and that he cast a spell to find love and yoongi is who walked through the door. Thanks in advance for the help! 😊😊😊

17) hi ! I was just wondering if you could help me find a fic? it's jin x jeongguk where jin is jeongguk's new neighbour and i'm pretty sure it follows jeongguk growing up and forming a crush on jin, or it might stay where theyr'e at the same ages; and all else i rmember that is noteable is that the first time they kiss or even get a little handsy it's in one of their cars and jeongguk c*ms in his pants bc he's just a teenager / inexperienced. thank you !

18) Hi! Could you help me find that fic where jimin is the top student in their Uni but he's more envied by the people bcs he's unmated yet he's always scented by Taehyung. But then JK comes in and chim falls for him? I remember a part of the fic where chim was about to be assaulted by a rogue wolf (alpha?) but then JK comes to sort of rescue chim. Thanks :)

19) I'm really desperate. I'm looking for a Taekook au where Taehyung is an art major and is assigned the theme of love. His childhood wasn't very warm as his parents are rich but didn't really take care of him. He meets Jungkook at a café, love at first sight, and gets an idea to fall in love with him to pass his class. Jungkook approaches him later bc he needs money and Taehyung uses him as a model. Jungkook is a reluctant business major that wanted to go into photography.

#lost and found #lost and found batch

[antonsen71whittaker-blog]

Insurance claim check?

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I hadnt also had it to get a month nevertheless, but I'd got an auto loan from my lender to get the vehicle. I hadnot also begun to pay to the mortgage for that vehicle since I have merely had it for this kind of short-time. If it's certainly announced totaled from my insurance carrier from the claims adjuster, could it be probably that my insurance can pay off the whole mortgage? I've full coverage insurance, and had made no main modifications to the auto from Once I started using it to yesterday after I wrecked it hence the value ought to be comparable." Motor Insurance? Freeze it before 3 Nov or fairly I do want to end my insurance. Would i enter into trouble although if i needed it for the garage after I had cancelled eve or my insurance froze it." Do you know of any auto insurance companies thatn't base your charges in your credit report? On account of a disease/ disability within our family, despite having medical health insurance, we owe thousands in medical costs. 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Our insurance provider assert they have presented a barrister and are currently putting in a defense. I am truly frustrated with this specific as I know I'ven't been in an accident. I could comprehend if perhaps these were declaring I trimmed them-and I had accomplished it without recognizing but they are proclaiming for an accident that we haven't any familiarity with! I have joined the Magistrate's Judge reading and I've been found guilty around the grounds that for that occasion and date of the collision I have no alibi, witness or additional data to guide my whereabouts although I pleaded not liable. Another party comes with an impartial witness who alleges she might acknowledge my vehicle however, not me as being a driver and performs for the same organization. I was fined by magazine court and presented 6 points to me on my licence. I am no longer working (rather than in receipt of any benefits) and also this CC claim portions to 5k! How might I spend a similar to this??? If I was discovered to become at fault, or could my insurance provider payout??? Please enable! Where do I stay on this? Any help appreciated. Cheers!" Is that this usual for house insurance? I've AAA-California household insurance and we had an event recently involving our fire suppression sprinkler lines and a squirrel. AAA suggests they merely protect the harm caused (rugs, sheetrock, water, etc.) by the rabbit eating through the lines, but will not cover the cost of repairing the lines. Is that this standard for several home insurance, or do I just have a coverage that is lousy?" How does car insurance work? (also average investing in a car vs rental)? Im 16 rightnow. My concern is, how can motor insurance function? I understand you've to pay for monthly and according to each vehicle its unique but might auto insurance be cheaper when the automobile is rented? or when its acquired? Likewise I understand each car depreciates alot each year. 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Is it true that when you are still paying for a vehicle and you get into a car accident the check for the repairs that the insurance sends you has to be under the name of the person who purchased the vehicle and the finance company? I suggest you to visit this internet site where you can get rates from the best companies: http://howmuch4insurance.xyz Is that this an excellent planet to bring a child into? I sometimes be worried about having children as a result of planet heading down hillside, theres a great number of bullies and poor people out there,i dont think I could manage my youngsters getting hurt by someone or bullied,likewise how much will auto insurance be in 18 years, A19 year old at the job keeps finding 5000 rates for 1.1 vehicles,identification like some opinions on this as me and my spouse are preparing to have children shortly,am I fretting about nothing or does other people feel like this?,i want my children to have a nice life." My motor insurance got cancel? 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[sugaabooga]

lowkey part-timer!Jisung

Pairing: Yoon Jisung x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Christmas-themed, bullet-point scenario

Summary: A Christmas romance sparks between you and the cute, bubbly part-timer in your local grocery store.

Warnings: None

A/N: First story in the Christmas-themed scenarios I’m doing! I’m hoping I’ll be able to finish all of the rest 17 scenarios by Christmas!

Jisung was the cute part-timer at your local grocery store

He’s been working as the cashier in aisle 8 after he’s graduated from uni after he couldn’t find a job that pays decently

He decided to stay in his hometown, after suffering in a totally new city, and got a part-time job as a cashier that paid pretty well

You on the other hand, bought your own studio after moving out of your hometown

Your job as a photographer caused you move out and go to other places rather than your small town that always made you feel caged

You were putting together all your pictures you had taken the past week since you had to put out a new project soon

You decided to take a break and have a quick lunch then walk around to the parts of the city that you hadn’t been able to see yet

When you come out of your studio with all your necessities, you realize that a bunch of people were putting up Christmas decor and trees around their shops

It was Christmas? Already?

You celebrated Christmas, for you were a religious person, but you never got the whole holiday spirit type of thing

You didn’t really enjoy Christmas songs or the cold really

when you came out of your house you had only slipped on a thin cardigan with your camera and everything in your purse

You hated the cold

You had once been locked out of your house one winter and had to wait outside until your parents got back home from work

You were practically frozen when your dad discovered you covering your body with the welcome mat

So yah you had a trauma of the cold

You quickly take some pictures of the snow and all the people getting on ladders to decorate the light posts and rooftops

You smile at your work and skip down the sidewalk to the farther parts of town

You find yourself in front of a market which you had never seen before even when you were driving around when you first came

Maybe it was new?

You went in since you were hungry anyway and they most likely had samples

Meanwhile, Jisung was helping some of the other workers take out boxes and such, since no one was really in the lines

You were eating some of the sample dumplings when you see a chip bag fall

You’re about to pick it up when you feel more chip bags falling on you

You lift up your arms to shield yourself and let out a small shriek

You lose your balance when a heavy box falls on you

“OMG I’M SO SORRY! ARE YOU OKAY!?!? OMG OMG!”

You’re ready to give the guy a piece of your mind

But then all your thoughts are lost bc

Wow

This guy was cute

He was almost pouting while putting the bags back in the box

He noticed that you were standing back up so he quickly got up and bowed to you

“I’m so sorry….I-I didn’t see you there!”

You’re about to tell him it’s okay, but then suddenly a man who seemed like the manager came storming over

“YOON JISUNG!? WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? JUST BC IT’S ALMOST CHRISTMAS TIME IT DOESN’T MEAN YOU SHOULD LOSE YOUR WORKING MENTALITY! YO-”

“It’s fine! It was my fault! I suddenly stepped in front of him while he was passing.”

You defend jisung and he’s actually really surprised!?!?

Bc a normal person would be complaining w/the manager

And it would end up w/jisung mopping the floors or something

Yea this wasn’t the first time jisung caused trouble lol

But here you were LYING so he wouldn’t get in trouble

The manager is left speechless bc he kinda looks down on Jisung

So he storms away annoyed

Jisung glances at his furious manager then thanks you

“This isn’t the first time this happened & i prob would’ve gotten fired. thank you so much”

You grin bc omg he was so cute?

His santa hat was about to fall off so you reach over and straighten it up

Making jisungs cheeks turn soo red you thought he was gonna burst

You leave after that whole incident and you come back a week later

You just couldn’t get jisung out of your mind

You were sorta hoping to see him somewhere around the area where you live but no luck:P

So you just decided to go to his workplace yourself

When you entered, you were really shocked bc it was reallyyyyy busy

There were so many more ppl than last time

It was prob bc Christmas was now a week away

And ppl just buy presents last minute ya know

They were also preparing more food for family&friends so yah

You grab a pack of gum and head to the shortest line which was aisle 8

You were looking at your pics that you took earlier and that’s when you hear a familiar voice greet the elderly woman in front of you

You look up w/hope that it was Jisung and boi oh boi yes it was

This time he was wearing a headband w/reindeer ears that were somehow slightly slanted

After he greets the woman in front of you goodbye he turns to you with a smile then it falters when he notices

Wow it’s that really cute girl that defended me from my devil-ish manager

You just politely smile, not knowing if he remembered you since you were irrelevant ya know

But then he totally remembers you bc

“OMG IM SO GLAD TO SEE YOU AGAIN! DO YOU REMEMBER ME? AH~ AGAIN, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SAVING ME FROM GETTING FIRED!”

“......uh...no problem?”

He grins and tries to make small talk w/you which is cute aha

Even tho you’re only buying one pack of gum

He somehow takes ten minutes to scan the barcode and charge you ???

I can’t with jisung he’s such a cute, underappreciated bean

You were in the middle of a very intense convo about beavers so you decide to meet him at a nearby coffee shop on Christmas Eve (may or may not be where barista!daniel works but you should go check it out :P shameless self-promo)

Both of you forget to give ea. other your numbers

But hopefully both of you will remember about that date meeting

AND YOU DO

fate really is on your side

You enter the coffee shop at like 6pm bc you weren’t sure if you guys decided the exact time to meet

You guys didn’t lol

But ya know

Fate will bring the two of you together right?

You wait for thirty minutes, but still no Jisung

You’re starting to think that he forgot, but then remembered he had a shift that ends at 9pm

Idk how you knew that but...it works

so you decide to just sit there and sip on some drinks

you take pictures and all

You’re so immersed into taking pictures of everything around the whole shop, that you don’t notice the timid and nervous looking man entering the now, almost empty cafe

You’re frowning at the picture you just took when you feel a tap on your shoulder

You turn around to see Jisung with a sorry, but excited grin on his face

You greet him with a wide smile as he apologizes how he didn’t know what time he had to come

He starts to ramble and you shush him

Like why does this guy say ‘sorry’ so many times?

“It’s fine. We both forgot to say a time to meet up. Besides, I wasn’t here that long”

He seems a tiny bit less sorry so the two of you start the convo about the beavers again

The talk about beavers went to zoos then went to how your lives went then led to your jobs, your interests, your hobbies, what that girl was wearing, blah blah blah

You felt like you really had a connection w/jisung

The two of you, as cliche as it may sound, clicked immediately

It only felt like five minutes passed, but the coffee shop owner had to kick you guys out since it was thirty minutes past closing time

You swap numbers this time and plan to meet each other at the same place tmrw @ 7pm for the annual Christmas tree lighting at downtown

Both of you lived alone and you suggested “why not have the loners meet up on Christmas Day?”

Jisung didn’t have work and you didn’t want to stress about your projects, so the two of you had agreed

As you walk back home you cant help but feel so giddy

How was a man having this much of an effect on you?

BECAUSE YOU HAVE A THING FOR HIMMMM

You smile at all the snow piling up and gape at how beautiful everything seemed

You have never felt so excited for Christmas

The next day comes by SO SLOWLYYYY

You weren’t able to sleep from the anxiousness and expectation you had for the next day so you were sorta tired

But you got dressed in simple clothing and went out for a walk and to buy Jisung a Christmas present

You didn’t know what he liked since you literally starte talking to him a wk ago

So you settle for some Christmas-themed socks, beanie, a pair of house slippers, and a gift card to the coffee shop you had been at yesterday

As you walk in and out of stores, you couldnt help but sing along to the Christmas carols that were playing

which you had never done b4

you did a double take and stopped singing, but you found urself humming along to “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas”

And you also couldn’t help but oogle at all the stuffed animals that filled the walls

They were SO CUTEEE AND FLUFFYYYY

One of the stuffed ducks reminded you a lot of Jisung so you decided to buy it

You bought a lot of things, but they were all for a decent price so :))

It gets really dark really soon and it’s 6pm

ONE MORE HOUR TILL YOU MET JISUNG

You hurry back home and quickly dress in layers since it was going to be collldddd

The weather forecast said there was a 99.99999999% it was going to snow, so you couldn’t risk it

Even tho the weather forecast is always wrong

You pack your camera again bc you were planning to create a Christmas themed project nxt

As you run out the door you send Jisung a txt saying that you’ll be right there since it was five minutes till seven

When you arrive in the warm shop, your glasses immediately fog up causing you to groan

You try to fan the fog away but to no avail:)

Then you hear a big laugh and you turn to sorta make out a figure that looks like Jisung

He takes the end of his sleeve and cleans your glasses and you’re met with the brightest smile you have ever seen in your whole entire life

Maybe that’s when you fell for him

Tho it was a person you had known for a little over a week

You felt like you knew Jisung since you were a kid

He hands you a cup of peppermint hot chocolate and pulls you along to get a good view of the Christmas tree b4 too much ppl come along

You get there just in time and wait a few moments until the announcer comes out onto the podium

You and Jisung both cheer as the five minute countdown starts

The minutes go by so quickly and you jump up and down to keep yourself warm

Then you see a few snowflakes falling on Jisung

You both look up to see that ITS SNOWINGGGGGGG

The whole crowd of people ooh and ahh

And some kids squeal in glee

You softly smile and get out your camera to take a few shots of the falling snow

When you’re done there’s a minute left on the clock

You suddenly remember your present for Jisung and quickly get it out and hand it to him

“Merry Christmas!”

Jisung gasps and says ‘thank you’ in such a genuine way that it fills your heart w/pure happiness

He then shuffles around his backpack and takes out a large box that’s prob filled w/similar things as you gave him

You start to hear the announcer countdown from 10

ten

And that’s when Jisung starts to speak

“H-Hey, Y/N?”

Nine

“Hmm?”

Eight

“I know it’s been only like two weeks since we met”

Seven

But I can tell you’re such a nice person, ever since the day I first saw you”

Six

“You’re such a great person…and….uh”

You furrow your brows

What was he trying to say?

Five

“We have so many things in common than I thought we would”

Four

“I really thought i would get fired that day i dropped the chip bags on you”

You smile at the memories as the crowd gets louder and louder as the time to light the tree get closer

Three

“A-And ever since I saw you....Y/N...I uh”

You roll your eyes at his weird stalling

Two

“JISUNG! SPIT IT OUT!”

He looks at you w/wide eyes

One

“I-I LIKE YOU!”

The crowd erupts in cheers and claps w/kids screaming and laughing at the lights that shown brightly

The announcer shouts “now go home!” with a hearty laugh

Jisung stands in front of you with his hand clamped over his mouth

You stay silent and stare at him in shock

What were you supposed to say?

Sure you liked him, but you weren’t sure if you wanted to date someone you had known for a week

“T-THAT CAME OUT WRONG!”

you tilt your head in confusion

“What?”

“I don’t like you! NO NO I DO LIKE YOU! B-BUT-”

You burst out laughing at his panic

“I like you too, Jisung! But how bout having our first official date after getting to know each other a bit longer than a week?”

And the two of you stand in front of each other w/goofy smiles on your faces, in front of the glimmering, 30ft tall Christmas tree, underneath the moonlight in the gently falling snow

dang this was pretty bad lol

#wanna one #wanna one scenarios #yoon jisung #yoon jisung scenarios #yoon jisung fluff #yoon jisung christmas #christmas scenario #thx for reading:)) #christmas package #wanna one jisung #jisung au #wanna one au

[mine-vaganti]

Hi! About your last ask post, since I haven’t seen any answered yet, I’ll ask ten (only if you want to, ofc) : 8, 13, 23, 44, 56, 87, 90, 97, 99, 100 😊

heyyy!!!!! thank u so much for sending me all these numbers despite me not having answered anything!ill answer these under the cut :)

8.what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?uhhhh none. i used to write a diary but even thinking about rereading that stuff in there makes me cringe and i have a very good memory so.. don’t need that. i usually just scream here on tumblr or on twitter. im just way to lazy and impatient to be artistic.

13.what's something that made you smile today?already answered here

23.what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?mhhhhhh staying in bed and watching shows or movies ive that are on my list. second is going out for drinks w friends if i can afford lying in bed the next day.

44.when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?hard to answer cause i never calm down ever but my nye party was really cool and i had fun the whole night without worrying or crying about anything!!

56.what are some things you find endearing in people?i mean...... this really differs from person to person but the thing i pay attention to the most is the way someone talks or moves and their facial expressions

87.what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?everyone should watch ferzan özpetek’s “mine vaganti” and also “le fate ignoranti”

90.talk about your one of you favorite cities.JUST ONE??? ok im gonna talk about the city i was born in, Heidelberg.ok so fun fact Heidelberg is one of those cities that were lucky enough not to be completely destroyed during WWII. very small for a city but very beautiful. the italians there are cool. they have a cool uni, i wanted to study translation studies there but my mum kinda talked me out of it. when my dad came to germany he studied italian and german there. he insisted that every of his children would be born there, even though after my parents moved home it wasn’t the nearest hospital.

97.myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?i always struggle about my mbt, i think im somewhere betwen INTP and INFP. my zodiac sign is sagittarius. i never chose a hogwarts house for myself cause im way too uneducated in that matter but tests either say hufflepuff or ravenclaw.

99.list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.kings of leon - pyroalt-j - tarocláudia pascoal & isaura - o jardímjoji - bitter fuck & slow dancing in the darkthe national - the system only dreams in total darknessarcade fire - everything nowdonots - dead man walkingleoniden - people & 1990linkin park - breaking the habit & what i’ve donetame impala - the less i know the betteritchy - the lottery & king and queensflorence + the machine - queen of peace & make up your mind(literally never ask me about music i will NEVER shut up)

100.if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?ok let’s think. 5 years ago i was 17 and just starting my a-levels. i could go back and maybe work on a better GPA.. but i came to the conclusion that i don’t want to study at university so screw that anyways. despite my very very average GPA and my horrendous marks in maths and german i managed to get a job as an apprentice. once i’m done with that no one will care about my a-levels GPA. so tl;dr i’d go 5 years into the future. why? cause i’ll be done with job training and hopefully full employed at the company i’m currently at. most probably also finally moved out from home and i’m so looking forward to decorating my own appartment.

#hey uh this was fun so if you wanna keep sending me some feel free to #Anonymous #answered

[haeroniel-doliet]

dwhos here for another raaaaaant (vent)? topic is friendships but lets see where thisll go! waheyy let us insert the read more. 

kayokay okay welcome youre gonna regret this; if you havent read through my shitty vents before prepare for ilegibility and thought trains going all over the place and references to things and people youll never know okay great you got off this train? cool gives me more power to crash it see ya. 

okay where do we even begin, oh lets go wild and push out a couple topics first. one is; how shit has improved being uni and how everything seems awful brighter now; why it hasnt actually improved and im lonely as ever; how lonely have i always been; but am i really lonely or just think i should have more bc expectations; why im like this and cannot form relationships

lets start with a bit of a history dive eh eh this is what youre here for, me oversharing my life to nobody thatll read it but come on anyway bc one of the reasons i even fucking do these is because; ironically enough; i have no friends to vent this to!! nobody who actually gives a shit!! and even if they did i have a lot more words and confused thoughts to write out here that would just be really mean to inflict on someone else. 

ok so, classically as a kid ive almost grown as an only child, obviously have a big bro of 7 yrs older that i never formed more of a bond to than the one we share by sharing a family. aka we barely talk. but like i know he doesnt hate me i guess? ok im not gonna go there. its a weird mess. but. all childhood was mostly me playin by myself bc our family friends had kids his age not mine, and we moved around a bunch too and people came in and out, i guess i made ‘best friends’ pretty easily, but none stuck around longer than a year maybe 2-3. bc thats how life was and as a child i guess it wasnt a bother bc hey, let me be friends with everyone! oh but protective parents also mean mostly on my own. thats cool. im totally mature to be sitting at the adults table (there was no kids table) well early at 6-7. mhmmm 

lemme return to finland and start being an early awkward preteen! oh ill be friends with everyone! oh. everyone already has their best friend or best friend group? oh i get left on the playground alone ‘playing the dog at home while they go shopping okay playground games were lame but whaddyou do’ aight cool im okay with this theyre all my friends and im gona draw you all to make friends and nobody like actually bullies me or thinks im weird i guess, anyway school work. oh okay ill make best friends w my neighbour bc were only 7 days apart in age and thats crazy!! i guess we also make friends with lil girls next door bc were 10- 12 and thats what u do. sure. i feel rather criticised by my so called bff bc. we are not on the same wavelength, i feel dumb, im never as funny even if they are hilarious to me, i do gross things w out thinking (imagine having to be told by your friend that you need to buy deodorant when you never thought abt it) and like a bunch of other stuff like not picking up on social cues they dont wanna hang out with me or they dont think looking at funny pictures on the phone is fun... oh okay i mean i guess theyre way better than me but were still friends right? uh yeah. 

okay lets take a gap and go to uk, oh wow, SHIT people actually miss me at home?? im making friends with all these kids in my neighbourhood! oh i can be like the movies where they go down the street and hang out and have movienights awesome! who this is the best! fucking halloween w other 13 yr olds?? having hobbies w them? walking to the bus together and home together?? mad. wild. friends. lets ignore the school consisting of pricks and the only time in my school career ive gotten bullied. like classic bullying. pens thrown at me, butt touched, skirt lifted, name called, teasing my ‘naivety’ (do you work at the dildo factory? haahah. are you frigid? would you have sex with me if i bought you a burger?) oh 13-14 yr olds....  ok no its a wild really good and really shit year combined into an okay year. let me just return home and promise to keep in touch and really very barely keep in touch with any of them. thanks instagram for enabling minimal contact and keeping up w each other. 

(also back then made my first post cryin to tumblr oh why cant i have tumblr besties like everyone else seems to, please someone be my internet buddy! lucky enough actually talked to Amelia a lot, though...... 14 yr old and abt 20 smth. but we played minecraft together and made two shit youtube videos of our competition participation like. you were a good friend to me. never pushed it too far and i really liked having a mature friend. such a shame you seem to have disappeared off the internet (anywehre i know how to reach you) bc hell, i would not have been opposed to meeting you finally irl at fuckin mcm like i always kinda wanted to bc i saw ppl online do, anyway i hope ur life is good and thanks) 

kay so, finally back home weve all moved past the best friend cliques okay okay my class is actually fuckin rad like whaddu you know i dont have to aggressively swear and avoid hugs anymore (self defence from that shitty year) but actually have all these wholesome friends, ofc there were stronger relationships between some people but! i was included. i felt good. it was good. i figured out this being everyones friend thing. im a proper teen now eh. oh but i still had my best friend (briefly moirail) maxx! talking everyday at least for least half an hour if not more, skype calls... watching movies together... sending shit to canada and that one mail i got from you and planning so hard a visit there, even if it felt unrealistic. maybe even spending too much time on you and not making as many connections to my class friends as i could have, u know. stuck on my phone to always be available to you. making you more important. dunno how often id talk thru a crisis in class or however late at night bc, i wanted to be there for you! i loved being needed and being an important piece in moving thru tough times. sure detrimental maybe irl but i was being too much online anyway which i still do but were not there yet. besides, that relationship has had a bit of a roller coaster in the past nearly4 yrs (is it more?) shit that started from an rp and then slowly talking more to being moirails to being the tightest best friends “momma” and all, to your irl friends breaking it up slowly, then a boyfriend really took oyur time and we didnt talk daily lt alone ever get to call bc... shit. okay but i was friends with your boyfriend and though i saw it wouldnt last i was okay with it, like right cool thats teh boyfriend and im the bestfriend. im still involved. yeah man. oh you broke up and now talk more to me! fuck yeah. ill take your side in this regardless. lets get close again even if its not quite the same. i try join your cosplay groups though i cant help feeling me joining killed them, and i followed some you were passionate on! drew all those rad characters of you and your friends to feel adequate and appreciated. then you ad your drama, hated this kid and i wasnt even rly involved. all of a sudden, tight friends, oh i get to be in a chat w you both and a rad other person i had a mild crush on! rad. hell yeah. ive never been in a groupchat like this! this is great i love it. and the vikings came up. and your new friend left bc i was a cis girl and he has problems and could not deal with me not agreeing with his shit argument. (about my countrys history!!)  anyway. they make their groupchat, groupchats die. oh. great i ruined it. okay. i no longer know whats in your life.... oh youre best friends now? i kind of have to bug you to even get added to your ‘friends page’ as dumb as it is. i get knocked right aside as hes the bff and the greatest sweetest person ever even though he still seems like a major dick and even your cool older friend agrees with me..... a load of bullshit and weve drawn apart to barely talking once a week and ive still sent you many gifts bc i think its great! until.  yeah i wasnt gonna send anymore till you promised to set me up with cosplay pieces for christmas and i freak out to send you smth in return (never got more than measurements from me, and due to shit timing i didnt even get to be there for you opening the presents which fuckin ruined it) but whats this? a year on im fucking coming to america and conviced my parents to also go to canada???? fucking insane. still we dont talk much, the plans werent like i expected but i met you and the cool older friend! amazing! it happened! youre real! i brought you more gifts and i got pictures with you and its, it doesnt feel real still. i keep the fucking bus ticket i took from toronto to guelph to remind me. sure i didnt like get much from you back and thats kay different monetary situations and all and yeah. wild. oh but we still barely talk after? no its ok i get it youre not that good with texting people anymore (even if you kept texting you bff while i was there.... like. maybe he was having a crisis i can understand but... please you barely talk to me anymore and now amazingly im there and. you still talk to him a lot. okay...)  ‘ew were not dating were just best friends!” a month later becomes ‘this is my boyfriend and bff i love him more than anything else in the world” ‘oh but hes absolutely a huge mean prick who is super self centered and manipulative,’ and i guess you needed to feel needed like i did and dedicated everything to this shitstorm of a human but. okay... weve drifted apart further, till i demanded thru to your discord (not even active anywhere else) and try damn hard to still talk to you. but its just not genuine. i wanna talk abt important shit to me and worries about myself, but life is difficult on you and i dont feel like you do the same to me so i cant. is it no longer part of our relationship? i guess) 

anyway chapter; who the fuck cares; why i feel i can open up to internet friends more than irl ones;;coming up, the other irl exploits after 9th grade. 

internet friends are based on talking over text and emotions that come up in the moment and contacting them whenever. with irl people, ive always set a sort of boundary that like. our quota of talking is irl. i might message you online but its strictly related to irl things or smth we discussed irl, u feel? even then i mostly never message anyone (thank the two friends in uni ive talked to more than anyone else) but still. theyre people i will unload burdens to IRL when im sitting with them for hours talking about our fucked up relationships with things and life and thats beautiful. but its not consistent through life? like rn all this shit. i cant just go and vent tto you (i guess i could but who knows if youre mad busy and needa be up early tomorrow or are already sleeping or have other shit on your mind, let alone would be offednede by me being so explicit abt me feelings w friendship u being my friend.) anyway, internet friends have broken that and sometimes i talk abt dumb shit ive seen that remind me of them or i wanna get a reaction from someone about and sometimes this bullshit. but more recently, (my discord has fuckin 3 ppl) i cant. i mean. idk if ever could and now theyre just being better w themselves but i cant? Ana tries being a friend and a good online friend but. i cant take it any deeper than like, look how cool this is! yeah that is cool bc theyre exhausted and dont wanna deal w others bullshit and dont want me to deal with theirs bc theyre online to avoid it. all of which i understand but. its kind of hard to deal with. like. youre currently only passionate about your gays in southpark. two things i dont care bout jack shit (actually hate south park idec) and then your response to me just like contemplating quizzes or the way i felt in the mirror at ballet or like smth that comes up to me when im talking abt normal shit, i get an ok, i dk how to respond or, i dont really care. and wildly i love the honesty, and glad to have lines drawn for me when i dont see them, but it always feels like a smack in the face regardless. having stepped out of line and not having realised and stopped before they had to tell me to stop. like it was w that old neighbour bff. i could never tell when she wanted me to leave her alone or smth bc i was having fun! but shed be tired of it and it just. always hurt realising i was too wrapped up in emotion and myself to realise i was annoying or overstepping boundaries and im still terribly self concious about it bc i feel terrible being a bad person like that! i wanna be the perfect friend.ugh. 

the other people on my discord are maxx and the cool older canadian dan, who still is rly cool and admirable. and i feel bad. bc when i first got the dumb thing i talked to him like adults! yea! talked abt maxx and a bit of college and a bit of life and like. it was good! he said good night friend <3 which is like!!! the most wild and exciting thing it fuckin exhilirates me to be called friend in converstion like please fuck validate me being your friend!!!! (god isnt that sad and basically gonna sum up this whole thing) anyway recently im sure things have been sad or busy or hes just that kinda person but my last 4? attempts for convo have gotten no response, even when hes online (supposedly when its ok to message him) and i no longer want to say anything unless its smth im sure id get a response to. bc then im just buggering and annoying the poor guy and become annoying. (even if hes said he doesnt mind and thinks im a great person. i hope) and maxx u know. i can message, and i do, and now more than in a rly long time i- oh my god i get responses!! still they cut short. theres no, hey sorry i dont care or, hey i gotta go, or hey i dont wanna talk abt this, just. no more responses. and i guess my conversational skills are rusty and i havent written anything thatd get an easy response from them! (but stilll, should talking to friends rly require you to formulate conversation starters and talk in a way that doesnt provoke too much but is just easy enough for them to respond briefly and with no investment to make talking to me easy as possible? idk even iguess? maybe im shit at having friends and thats why i have none. shush.)

okay lets head back to irl. high school was shitty weird thing, around 10 ppl in class and i only made friends w 3? got bullied for a good couple days on a trip by 1 and another class person. terrible trying to make friends and keep friendly with everyone in a tiny school but i managed and alls good, and even still, just made friends with the most compatible people, not sure if id have been friends with otherwise. one a nervous wreck of a boy that the teacher tried to like ‘ship us together with’ but while he had a girlfriend and we managed to keep conversation joking and chill (as it should be and i made good sure of it) it was fine, he still like i a very girlfriend oriented person and i guess doesnt chat much online w other girls? im cool with it, a couple snap updates on life here an there its whatever. youre an anxious person anyway and we dont always like. work as friends. another was from japan, who id decieded to make a friend if only to have a friend in japan to visit and to teach me a bit (and teach us to make food! okay im so glad we were friends) and at school it was great enough. helped her get confident in speaking english and correcting work and sitting together at lunch and hanging out outside of school on the rare occasion schedules lined up was fab! i actually am gonna miss her. even if we werent close. and i feel bad bc idk if she wants to keep in contact, and i really suppose i should just aim to write her like a text once a month or so to keep in touch thatd be good, cover that. keep up english and so on. maybe (ps old friends from childhood pop up every now and then on social media and have the rare chat which is quite nice actually! even if im not active or keep them updated, some realtionships i like to leave lukewarm and not hateful but smth thats easy to catch up with if opportunity comes up. i actually can do that quite a lot, make good conversation and feel friendly and make acquaintances. i just. have no idea how to push them to proper active friendships (it just happens sometimes by accident) and no absolute clue how to make htat into a very close “bff we share everything i can message you whenever” kinda relationship classic media like facebook portrays idk. do i need it? i guess not but i kinda wanna know what thats like bc relationships are not a thing for me. lets make that its own paragraph) oh but also on old school friends my frustration of a few days, just. a friend that is the easiest to keep in touch with bc they intitiate and have time and want to do things, but god its annoying and i dont like them. our humours dont align and i feel judged and criticised and like. idk. dont feel great w them. theres moments of like genuine “im glad i met you bc i would have switched schools otherwise” from her and a jar of reminders why were friends and some good memories, but its just. she drains me. and i dont wanna talk deep w her. and though to some other friend it seems like we are heckin dating in secret bc of how comfortable we are and how much we end up communicating to organise things, uhm were not. i wouldnt date her ever im sorry. struggling to stay friends and have it fade to the background amicably before i do or say smth wrong and fuck it up. anyway its just bugging me and i hate it bc i feel bad for her and bad for myself and its just a mess that i dont wanna deal with that mucheven if i talked my parents ear off about it.

ok intermission to parents. in a way no. no fuck they are not my friends. my mom will never be my best friend and i dont think they want that either,being classic parents and allbut i guess, sometimes when i get past the ugh youll never understand youre so god damn annoying!! teenage phase my brain still has, i do talk to them about a lot of things that upset me, bc unlike friends, they cant decide not to care about me or stop talking to me u know. i have vented about shit practices that have really tested my self worth and lack of emotions (remind sobbing like a bitch with a mud covered ass walking home from a terrible skating practice and falling in the rain) and mom comforting thru it. mind telling them all the pent up feelings abt flatmates and analysing them to her like”well shes rly nice and we talk abt this and this but i cant help but feel she doesnt really wanna talk to me and also they didnt wanna hang out and they keep leaving their dishes and told me to clean mine but they did this and that and....” i never talk about internet friends or a lot abt other things bc. not relevant and i dont think id hear what i wanna hear. but im kinda glad i still can do that and vent to them abt like real life things and things that upset me even if its not exhaustive and i cant do everything and they dont fill the gap of this “true best friend” i have emulated. but thats a point of why im not rly lonely. bc i have outlets to a lot of these needs that im not missing it all . just dont have it all in one person or even a small group of ppl.

wht next. oh remind me to come back to group things online. anyway lets give uni a try. so weve talked abt my two impressive friends irl who take the same course as me and kind of have dragged me thru and have gone to hobbies w me and hung out w me for hours and actually come to visist me in london an been cool? yeah theyre pretty rad people and very smart and im glad theyre in my life. even if w al the ranting im not comfortable messaging them all hours of the night to talk abt all my insecuritites and thoughts and problems u know. and one is dating and both have flatmate drama and other groups of friends and tho theyre friends between each other we dont like. make the ultimate trio which is why were not moving in together ( also reminder to being called the 3 musketeers w my high school two gals bc we were seein kinda doing everything together (in school) by me sticking us all together with my “i need to feel validated with friends” glue. that was quite nice.) 

but like in uni, ive said it to a lot of people. its amazing. ive never been happier knowing this many people. i dont make drama, i almost never get included in any drama so all i get are friends!!! and having flatmates, and flatmates friends, and class mates, and people ive just met , and hobby friends i just knew so many people thatd be friendly to me and even smile at me in passing it feels great man. having multiple group hobbies and socials to go to (even if i dont drink much and its not like were partying) it feels good man. i want more of this next term now that i have no”i dont know anyone there” excuses. god i love it. i love waving to people i know, i love getting a ride from someone to go hang out t another friends place and people knowing me by name and caring about my presence! (though not too much, like nobody would miss me i guess, but i still have more of a place to carve and i cant say for sure that they did not notice me missing) anyway archery has been terrbily wholesome and one of the best things ive invested time into and im sad some of the happy faces there are leaving this summer....... and sure none of these friends have gone even to proper hugging levels, let alone talking together without a group of people or god, messaging privately if not strictly club stuff (ok theres like, a couple, one that im delighted about and cant wait to hang w in finland even tho theyre cooler than me)  but u know, same problem w. hm were friends within this hobby group. were not like. actually friends outside of this and wouldnt hang outside of it. uh. yeah. dont rly have that many that kinda friends..... just 2 in fact. ill work on that.... 

side note, i try joining in online groups like mxrp discords, and an odd skype chat for homestuck cosplayers. but its kinda the worst. i dont mind observing and reading in and commenting in my head and rarely actually participating tho nobody knows who i am, but like. nobody knows who i am or cares if im there at all. and its kind of a not great feeling. im not needed or wanted here. they just dont mind me being there u know. idk wht to do with those feelings. i dont really wanna make myself obnoxiously present and make people remember and want to talk to me and actually become immersed in it, bc these dont seem like that great people idk. i guess im too  ‘mature’ to just go omg i love you an all that. 

anyway lets dive into hmmmmmm  why am i still lonely? funny question eh. its because i have no consistent close relationships with anyone. have i ever? maxx was closest but i guess nawh here we are. i can get close to u in a night of just talking for hours but. if it doesnt carry through consistently does it count? i have a couple people to message when im delighted abt smth (heck even post to snapchat to get those lukewarm friendships to be reminded of me) and i have my parents to be sad to about a certain category of things that i share w them (like hobby frustrations and friends theyve met frustrations, and some body upset) i have this hunk of friends in uni i can hang out and chill with and will continue making better friends with gladly. im not an isolated herrmit (all the time) nor do i think im socially despicable. im just. normal. online ive felt more and more as much as i spend my entire day online w all these things im not an internet person??im not always posting on social media, im not always talking to 10 ppl at once, im not writing or creating media, im not consuming other than youtube actually, (like i dont watch shows u knw) , all i do is rp when i muster the strength and hang out lukewarm on tumblr posting rants and reblogging pretty and fun things, not getting involved much. not a fan of anything, not obsessed w anything, not overtly gay ( i dont even know what i am but girls are pretty and sex and relationships get gross as soon as you add me into the picture) and not an exciting personality. hell. i currently fuckin like ballet and archery and like. thats about it. (also hahahhahh catch me going down the abc list of hobbies, aikido, archery, badminton (w archery ppl) ballet. what next. cricket? crochet... cooking? dance (ballet) fencing gaming (hah no), hockey? ice skating ( im already doing it) like look at me anyway shh) im not trans and i dont feel gay enough to fit in (what a rant that is, but im just ignoring it for now) im so boring. too reational, too uninvolved, too unopinionated/have an opinion but prefer to keep quiet and at peace. i guess this is what normal people are like off the internet. and ill just deal with it. but how normal people fill the gap are these ridiculously idealistic bff groups that i clearly dunno how to achieve, and uh. relationships.

so i can foresee a future where an imaginative foggy figure will care about me so much and want to hear all these rants and talk about all my wild thoughts with me and love me and remind me of it and be happy around me and think im funny and make me feel good and loved and better than i am and be someone i love being aorund constantly and wont have to feel self concious with or like i need to be putting on the front that is not gross and is a lovely sociable person. like i doubt they even exist. the kind im specifically thinking off thatll make life a sunset gold and unbelievably happy and good. ill save that sunset gold feeling to my dream future, one in which im happy with my body and personality and have that shadowy figure that makes me all whole and better than im alone and all these pets and animals that i love and love me and plants and color and art and whimsical decorations and yknow. i see it in my head. it feels real good. i kinda wanna see if itll actually happen. it just. it feels so fuzzy and warm and i would love for that actually be real and look back on this and be like. i have it. everythings complete. we can dream. i might get it when im grey and old and all alone but found smth that makes it that good. anyway im not discounting that there might be ‘the one’ in that future, the perfect one. but. i still doubt in the present when or if ill ever meet them let alone if i do htat anything would happen. ive never ever dated anyone or even come close to it. i dont understand how people just, end up in relationships or almost always have one, and i guess im not trying to bc idk if i want it-  idk if im ready for it, but its a weird one ill tell u. i feel with this perfect imaginary figures all these bad feelings would go away and i could talk about them and someone help me fix them and become more and better than my thoughts. but i dont wanna look for one. i dont wanna experiment in relationships so that im ready and wont fuck it up when the one comes bc, its horrendous and stressful and im gross! im not dating material. nah. and obviously nobodys tried to date me so were all on the same page. honestly once i sort out the other things wrong w me, i might just get to therapy for this shit. like. why are relationships such a shit concept to me and like why and how do i deal with it without just saying fuck it relationshipss are not for me. i have no doubt ill keep making connections and friends throughout my life in all different random places, but im actually... kinda afraid none will stick around. if i cant form consistent strong friendships theyre al gonna fade away and ill have nobody when i need someone. having that one solid person would really help bc theyre there thick and thin i guess aparently. i have myself, but considering what a mess i am idk if thats enough at all. i think i should change myself an awful lot though before a relationship could happen. like. nobody wants a barely showering fat chubby in an awkwardway terrible skinned messy sad blabbery person. like. just a gross one. i gotta become so much better before i can even consider letting someone past to get this close i guess. i guess. these feelings are really not settling here and i feel off the rocker. like unsettled and uneasy. also i need to pee which is rly not helping feel less gross. that and my hair is nasty greasy bc rather than take a shower at a reasonable time i did.... nothing. and then i started writing this an hour, two hours ago? more? idk. 

kay then, we have reflected briefly while i was away on how fat and ugly i am and how hopeless considering ive been trying to finish a knitting project for my baby cousin and start drawing again or even just playing my old pokemon game (yknow summer vacay) things in the past few days. nawh. havent. even more productively i should have done actual exercise to build my stamina and make faster improvements in ballet and actually try and tackle the fat and ugly feeling in 8 weeks (but that like... requires diet control... which is hard?) and like o u know. finishing my fucking university course ive lied to everyone abt? ok lets be real i have passed the year and can move into the next w the credits i have and passed all the mandatory classes. but. i want/ need to pass this class. and i already forked out 30 pounds hopefully correctly to apply for a resubmission (more like first submission) of all these projects and its hard. considering in my hirearchy of shit that needs to be done (easiest most necessary first)  i havent even reached the first ladder of like washing my nasty hair. the ladder includes all the above projects and at the end of it is like completing that course (needs to be done by the end of the month u kno bitchh. u dont know how long its gonna take you cannot leave it to the last few days. and this other bulshit course idk if ill even get credit for completing late and dont know if i care but i guess i gotta do it anyway 

basically i just wanna d ie. thatd be nice. id not have to feel fat and stupid and worthless and discomfrot in my own skin and just. nasty and numb but bad all over. okay im really not feeling great bout now. but thanks to all the above weve realised i have nobody to talk to whod talk me out of these feelings and comfort me (let alone if im capable as a person to accept that considering theyd have to be very convicing to get past me going “mhmmm but youre wrong” ) 

anyway this has been terribland i havent achieved anything but feelin kinda bad. we have covered that ive never had proper friendships and that might be detrimental to me ever forming the kind of close companionship i seem to be missing, however at least i can make easy friends briefly and as such know im not a terrible person thru and thru that people hate. i just dont know how to cross that nd not be horribly annoying or how to find those kind of people bc shit and bullshit. do i need it? no i guess ill be fine. would it make my life better and more worth it? probably. id hope so. i mean it seems pretty important in human existence for there to be so damn many songs and movies and aboslutely everything focused around it. 

anyway. i know nobodys gonna finish reading this and i kinda hope i dont read back on this either. my cringey diary moments hidden under a readmore on tumblr. whats sadder.... tsk who wants to figure out how many words this all is? 

mhmmmm mmm 7 pages on word and 6059 words. damn gurl. no FUCKIN WONDer nobody wants to talk to me about my thoughts and feelings when they just erupt. bc even by erupt i mean a mild discomfort that im trying to pin down to a cause and an actual feeling so and so unsuccessfully. 

#tf when youre your own therapist #hah yeah thanks tumblr for being my digital diary #cringey enough and private enough it may as well never be read by anyone #but still if some crazy dumbass read it all theyd know me all too god damn well #but its not like...anyone ive mentioned will ever fucking read it. even consider to #aka #if you stumble past this #i guess you can assume its not abt you #ugh #this didnt even help that much #time to try option c #ignore everything and numb it with some rad youtbe videos for another 4 hrs and crash asleep at 5 am and everything continues to be bad #but like bad tomorrow #sorry this was a vent post #a very long one over 6000 words #i am SO sorry if youre on mobile and the readmore didnt work