#I finally got around to reading six of crows and it’s a lot of fun
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april's monthly: from bee and rose
Six of Crows by Leigh Bardugo
▪︎ adventure/fantasy novel ▪︎
everyone wants something—money, revenge, freedom, love, risk, recognition—tangible or otherwise. but how far are you willing to go for it? how many rules are you willing to break, how many things are you willing to risk, how many people are you willing to lose? is it all worth it, in exchange for what you long for most?
kaz brekker certainly has the will. a cold-blooded thief to the end, he’s known as dirtyhands on the streets of ketterdam, the dirty and crowded kerch capital. there’s absolutely no job he won’t take—anything for the right price. money and greed are his gods, and the revenge they’ll get him, brick by brick, is what he craves above all else. he’s willing to do anything to get what he wants, even break into the world’s most impenetrable safe in its most impenetrable fortress in its harshest, iciest, strictest country—and steal the world’s most valuable man.
it's an impossible job; but then again, kaz makes everything impossible, possible. but of course there’s a hitch; this time, he has to rely on other people to get what he wants. desperate people, people willing to risk their lives for the grand prize—four million kruge each. to kaz, that’s everything he needs to burn his enemies’ world down. to his crew, it's a ticket out of the city—to freedom.
enter inej, the best spider ketterdam has to offer, desperate to pay off her contract and leave the city. nina, a grisha struggling to survive an ocean away from home. jesper, a risk-addicted gambler trying to keep it all together. wylan, a runaway with a gift for chemistry. and matthias, an escaped convict desperate to return home to his beloved fjerda and see to it that nina is dead. there's only a very small chance the crew makes it out alive with their prize. most likely, they’re all going to die—and worse, without being paid.
▪︎
from bee
this book has been on my list for a very, very long time. when i finally got off my ass and read it last year, rose was so excited because they had read it a while before me already. like they’re about to say, there are a zillion good quotes for reference material, and we even use them a lot ourselves.
but about the book itself? soc got me into the “group of rivals band together with a common goal” trope. the way bardugo goes about it is just perfect—it seems that everyone is involved with something unfathomable. and as much as they want to stick to their morals to get past it, the road is tricky (and of course they can't walk it alone). and a note about the character’s pasts: they don't feel made-up, as outlandish as they seem when you boil them down. they're complex and thought through and diverse and give the characters something solid to run towards or away from. all in all, an amazing start to an amazing series.
from rose
i first heard about this book in a very dark little corner of the internet, when a few mutuals read it (together?) and posted about it. it was at least a few months before i actually got around to finding a copy and reading it, but i have never been more grateful for that dark little corner than i was then (okay, so that’s not entirely true, but still).
by the time i made it to, say, halfway through the book, i was absolutely in love with the story—the characters, the plot, the witty humor, everything. and as much as i love the author, none of her other books have quite lived up to the amazingness of this duology. bardugo writes with suspense that will make it literally impossible to put the book down, even if you’re rereading. the wit and humor of the characters is insane; their banter is so much fun to read, and, if you’re like me and love throwing little references into conversation, there is so. much. material. to go off of. and a little side note to bee—jesper is a gay goat lover and there is nothing you can say to change my mind.
▪︎
bonus: spotify playlist!
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PEOPLE I'D LIKE TO GET TO KNOW BETTER .
alias / name: jay, jaz, j-dawg, jj, the whole she-bang
birthday: oct. 29
zodiac sign: scorpio
height: 5'5"
hobbies: video games, writing, art but its a hate-love relationship, and reading. love graphic novels, literature, comics, etc.
favorite color: purple
favorite book: song of achilles is a classic. i think about the writing in it all the time. my friend got me the six of crows trilogy for my birthday a couple years ago, loved that too. love the way cloud atlas is laid out. the night circus is one of my old-time faves too.
last song: inside · chris avantgarde
last film / show: finally watched the menu. it was a good watch.
recent reads: haven't sat down to read a book in a minute ... but i've been meaning to reread the last unicorn (another favorite lol)
inspiration: poetry is what i always come back to. when i write, it's really important how things flow / sound in my head, and i'll re-edit sentences over and over to get that sort of "sound" across. poetry does this the best. i always listen to music too, which gets me into the mood. books and fanfic and movies that make me think or inspire me also help, but rping for me a lot comes down to my writing partners. it's all a hoax to get people to write for me. i sit down and reread my partners' responses 4-5 times usually to make sure i didn't miss a single thing.
story behind url: frankly trying to come up with urls irritates me (im not very creative in that sense) so i just fucked around with her name until it wasn't taken lmao
fun fact about me: my second cousin is trent reznor from the nine inch nails. all of my friends call him "dear cousin trent". i don't have any actual contact with him because my family is a mess, but it's always a funny thing to bring up.
tagged by: @royalarms 👁
tagging: whoever is still active and following me lol
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Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖
oooo how fun! thank you for this mack! <3
going back, from 5 to 1...
5) brekker's ghost
Four years since their infamous Ice Court robbery; four years since Kaz had waved goodbye to Inej--
The Wraith is finally back in Ketterdam, but she didn't come just to feed the crows.
this fic means an awful lot to me! it was after i read the six of crows for the first time, and that duology is now my favourite of all time. i have a soc tattoo because of how much they effected me lmao. writing this fic was such a cathartic thing. it's my take on the kaz and inej of the future. i'm very proud of it.
4) her father's revolver series
You're thrown into the world of the Shelby's at the age of 20, with nothing but your paints and your will.
What ensues is the next few years of your life knowing that Tommy Shelby lives within you forevermore.
i still remember so vividly when i decided to say fuck it and start writing this. before this i'd never delved into x reader. i knew the stigma around it, but i also just didn't care. this was such an amazing thing for me to write. it still makes me incredibly happy and proud to this day, and is the longest fic/series i've ever written at just over 90k words (that is now going to be heavily beaten).
3) adjournment
Life wasn't easy growing up with a chess Grandmaster as a father; it's even more difficult when you find out you could be better than him at his own game.
Benny helps you realise that potential.
the fastest fic i've ever written. this was the first time i kept to any sort of schedule. i posted a chapter a day for two weeks, until the fic was finished. i wrote this 45k word long fic in 16 days. i cried while writing sad scenes. and to this day it's my most popular fic online! (almost at 200k reads on wattpad... wtf) this fic means a lot to me.
2) no saints
Working on Nevarro hadn't offered you much in the way of human contact.
That all changes when an unlikely deal is struck between you and the Mandalorian.
the fic that started me on this entire journey of expanding to other places on the internet. without it, i wouldn't be on this hellsite with all of you! i'm so grateful that it's brought me here. i know it's far from finished-- it's sort of only just begun really-- but i know i'll travel back to it soon. this fic was also the first time i ever wrote smut. and look where that's got me. amazing.
1) sweet escape
Being a Resistance newbie was always going to have its challenges, but you’d never expected them in the form of Poe Dameron; Black Leader, heart-throb of the fucking Resistance; being your bunkmate from day one.
You realise he isn’t someone you want to indulge in early on, but the more you treat him coldly, the more he latches onto you.
my longest singular fic to date. the fic that made me truly think i'm a decent writer. the fic that makes me the most proud of myself. sweet escape means more to me than i think anyone will understand. without it, heidi and lynx wouldn't exist as oc's in my mind. without it, i wouldn't have been able to grow this fanbase here. it's my baby. end of. and i know how it ends, which is even more crazy. there are only 4 chapters left. i just need to write them. wait for me.
special mentions go to right where you left me, the hating game and fools in the darkness! more of my babies that i'm proud of <3
#beff being dumb#ask box#fanfiction#lightyaers#kaz x inej#poe dameron x reader#tommy shelby x reader#din djarin x you#benny watts x reader
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Faves of 2022
Self explanatory end of the year list of my favourite everythings I consumed this year. That includes things that came out before 2022 but that I read/watched/played for the first time this year. For those of you who are only interested in what came in 2022 I will put them at the top of each list for visibility.
Other than that, the lists aren’t sorted by any order of preference, that’s just too much to ask.
Films
🩳 for short films, 🏳️🌈 for queer films (how queer they are vary immensely here so please don’t take this as me putting them all in the same basket, it’s just to highlight which could be of interest for someone looking for queer narratives and/or point of views), and finally 🌐 for films that are not a North American production.
Everything Everywhere All At Once (2022) 🏳️🌈
Triangle of Sadness (2022) 🌐
Kimi (2022)
Barbarian (2022)
Starfuckers (2022) 🩳🏳️🌈
Prey (2022)
Turning Red (2022)
Love and Leashes (2022) 🌐
Rest of the list under the ‘read more’
Ringu (1998) 🌐
Keyboard Fantasies (2019) 🏳️🌈
Two Cars, One Night (2004) 🩳🌐
Meeting the Man: James Baldwin in Paris (1970) 🩳🏳️🌈
Tama Tū (2004) 🩳🌐
Paris 05:59: Théo & Hugo (2016) 🏳️🌈🌐
Next Goal Wins (2014) 🏳️🌈🌐
Knife+Heart (2018) 🏳️🌈🌐
I Lost My Body (2019) 🌐
Towards Tenderness (2016) 🩳🏳️🌈🌐
Danton’s Death (2011) 🩳🌐
All the Crows In the World (2021) 🩳🏳️🌈🌐
Ex Machina (2014)
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
The Samurai (2014) 🏳️🌈🌐
One Cut of the Dead (2017) 🌐
Prisoners (2013)
Rope (1948) 🏳️🌈
Frankenstein (1931) 🏳️🌈
The Old Dark House (1932) 🏳️🌈
Cat People (1942) 🏳️🌈
Happy Together (1997) 🏳️🌈🌐
Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)
Chris Fleming: Showpig (2018)
Rashomon (1950) 🌐
La Cage aux Folles (1978) 🏳️🌈🌐
Books
I don’t have a lot in this list so I feel more inclined to give a lil explanation for each entry.
To Strip the Flesh by Oto Toda (2022 for the translation, 2020 in the original japanese): an anthology manga with a main story about a preop trans man who makes a living livestreaming himself cutting meat from animals that his father hunted (part of his success relying on how attractive he is to his audience who perceive him as a woman) and his struggle around coming out to his father and pursuing gender-affirming surgery.
It’s a beautiful and visceral (in every sense of the word) manga and I can’t recommend it enough. With a caveat that it contains, both in its main story and the short that make the anthology, a lot of body horror that might not be for everyone.
No Sleep Till Shengal by Zerocalcare (2022): don’t know that I have much to say about this one. People familiar with his work might understand why.
Monstrous Regiment and Going Postal by Terry Pratchett: continuing my exploration of the Discworld and enjoyed the two a great deal. Monstrous Regiment has become my favourite Discworld and maybe a favourite in general as well. It’s rare (at least to me, but maybe I’m not looking in the right places) to find satisfying trans representation in fiction, even more so in genre fiction, and even more so in stories that are overall a fun time. The final few pages make me emotional every time I read them. “Around him, the kitchen worked.” and “‘A choice?’ said Rosemary.” forever.
My Brother’s Husband by Gengoroh Tagame: just gonna copy the wiki summary “the series follows the relationship between single father Yaichi, his daughter Kana, and Mike Flanagan, the Canadian husband of Yaichi's estranged and recently deceased twin brother.” It’s a manga, it’s beautiful, glad I finally got around to reading it.
Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo: took me ages to get to this despite having devoured Six of Crows but here we are. Since it’s a sequel I don’t feel like I can say much other than I had a great time with it and the ending got me. It helped me get out of a reading slump I was in.
The Cabin at the End of the World by Paul Tremblay: checked this one out because I saw the trailer for the upcoming film adaptation and it hooked me. It was such an easy read I finished it in 3 days (which is very fast for me nowadays). I still don’t really know what to think of it, still recovering from the ending and trying to make up my mind, but it did its job of keeping me invested and turning the pages fast. I’m very curious to see how they adapt it too.
Dracula by Bram Stoker: so thankful for dracula daily for getting me to read this, joined the squad of “why the hell adaptations do this to Mina and why do they omit my man Quincey?”.
A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers: even less “plot” than the first book but I couldn’t give a shit. I love the Wayfarers universe and its characters and this was such a comfortable and satisfying read. It even made me reevaluate some of my stances on AIs.
Overall I only read 2 of the books I said were on my to-read for 2022 but I achieved my goal of reading at least 12 books this year (even beat it by 1!) and got out of a years long reading slump so it’s a win! Looking forward to my reading in 2023.
TV Shows
Faves new shows of 2022: Our Flag Means Death, Severance, The Bear, Murderville and Interview with the Vampire
Other than that I watch too many things and TV Time is awful to navigate but off the top of my head other shows that didn’t start this year that I feel the need to highlight: What We Do In The Shadows (this latest finale was a gut punch in the best of ways), Chucky (the most fun I’ve had consistently watching anything this year), The Night Of (took me a while to get to this miniseries but it didn’t disappoint to say the least), Taskmaster NZ (the superior version), Barry, Succession, The Casketeers, Los Espookys...
Oh and you should subscribe to Dropout
Everything Else
I don’t play that much video games but of the ones I played and finished (or that can’t be finished) I played and finished Spiritfarer this year and that didn’t disappoint. Also the new Just Dance (2023 Edition) is insane. Yes they sacrificed a lot in the process but if you only take the new songs and maps into account it’s the best they’ve ever done.
And music wise I already answered a lot of Spotify Wrapped questions and that’s probably that. I’m a filthy casual enjoyer of music, incapable of having any critical sense for it.
I made this list mostly for myself and also for those of you who might have similar taste as mine and looking for recs. If after reading this you think you might have recs for me, feel free to drop them in replies or DMs!
Happy new year!
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⭐star⭐ : pick your most favorite fic that you want to share and give comments about it !! ♡
roger rabbit - lee minho
i wrote a whole response to this and tumblr white-screened on me. i'm gonna kms /j thank you for sending this in!! also long post ahead bc i never shut up. and tagging @june-again, just in case you're interested on a whole roger rabbit. your feedback for that fic only made me love it more :'( <3
honestly, at this point my fics are either classified into stories i want to keep and stories i wish never existed. this is one of the few that still remain in the 'want to keep' file while everything else i wrote around the same time has fallen into the latter.
this is a prequel to checkmate (CM), another fic i'm very fond of for the character dynamic and the plot(twists). in the story, skz along with my ocs are in a friend group but there was barely any establishment whatsoever for them. someone who reviewed CM told me that they didn’t really care about my characters and rightfully so bc i felt the story (CM) lacked in giving the reader room to develop what they feel towards the characters. it was supposed to be a long story compressed into the fast-paced piece it was, focusing more on the situation they got themselves into rather than the relationship of the characters. roger rabbit (RR) gave me an opportunity to give the friend group the back story they needed to give CM more impact. and an excuse to write more on this universe i subconsciously latched myself onto.
though i thought of writing a CM prequel, i didn’t expect it to be this one. RR’s original draft got partially trashed though the gist remained: minho gets framed for something and the friend group tries to help him. i got around a quarter into a writing it, with a full bullet-draft of events leading up to the end, but i had a lot of issues with the story. firstly, the reader felt more like a watcher of the events happening rather than someone directly involved. that aspect, for me, eliminates the whole point of the y/n perspective. i mean, of course you can experiment on having a y/n while telling someone else’s story but it wasn’t what i was aiming for in this fic. second, it felt too short and limited. in the end, the original draft turned into a mere chapter in the final story.
a few factors were responsible for the revamp of this plot. 1) i re-read and rewatched looking for alaska which made me miss teenage mischief and the hard-to-comprehend bond between high school friend groups, 2) playing run by bts on repeat over and over bc it makes the perfect getaway anthem, and 3) reading six of crows and discovering that a multiple-perspective story can be good if done correctly. i think it was a single “i miss the checkmate squad” thought that led into the full draft revamp. i had run on repeat all night and i fell asleep thinking of expanding the original RR plot. how can i make that build up more impactful, how can i make minho worth the save, who wants to save minho, how can i make it fun.
i remember being in the bathroom and finally coming up with the full plot. the multiple perspective bit was an add on of who can tell the story best while simultaneously giving more depth to minho’s character. i butchered his character in CM and i villainized the shit out of him so i hoped that this could offer a bit of redemption for him. coming up with the six separate perspectives on the guy was difficult but i made it a point to not have all of them lean into fondness towards minho. i felt that slipping in the lack of bias towards minho made the dynamic seem more realistic. minho, afterall, is notorious for messing around hence, the accusations made towards him were more easier to believe than to deny.
all of RR was just the slow clicking of pieces into place. the title itself was a big boost bc i was stuck on that for quite some time until i remembered the term roger rabbit—rabbit relating to minho to an extent. but of course i couldn’t just title it that without knowing the context behind the term. so i did my research only to find out that the whole of it is “who framed roger rabbit”. highkey the most convenient thing that happened to me.
bottomline and tldr; it’s a fic i’m very proud of. not just for the plot unlike CM but also for the process, the writing style and finally, the result. i believe that it deserves more than what it got in terms of notes and feedback but no external thing can impact the way i love this fic.
bonus: the entirety of the checkmate universe aka the in these halls series. working on anything related to it gives me so much comfort and happiness even after all this time. maybe because it’s self indulgent but let’s forget about that :"D
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Hiii! I hope your November was good! I have a new WIP ideas but I know absolutely nothing about it, despite desperately wanting to write it. I actually haven’t written anything for any of my WIPs since September or maybe even August. Which is maddening. Anyways, this new WIP is a very strange mix of things. It’s a high fantasy story with an all-queer cast (who I have no idea who they are yet) that has the vibes of Six of Crows mixed with a DnD campaign. Just a lot of chaos with some lovable disaster characters. I would tell you about the plot but I have no idea what that is yet either. Yeah, basically I know nothing about this WIP. But I love it anyways, lmao.
What about you? How was your November? Did you get any writing done? Do you have any new ideas? What are they? If you did write, what’s your favorite thing you wrote?
~Morri🗡 (@memento-morri-writes)
Hello @memento-morri-writes! ^^ it’s nice to hear from you! I hope you had a good November as well!
I totally get how you feel haha. Sometimes a new idea isn’t really a story but just some fun vibes, but it’s always fun to play around with what you got.
This wip idea sounds very exciting, not gonna lie! Even if there’s not much you know about it yet, the things you do know got me hooked!
Six of crows and DnD sounds like a wonderful chaotic mixture. If you ever figure out the plot and write this wip I’d love to read it! Or just hear more about it. I’m sure with a bit of time you’ll figure things out and make an amazing story out of it!
My November wasn’t all too bad, but quite stressful tbh, lots of exams and presentations for trade school and lots to do at work, so I’m glad that’s over now. The more excited I am about December finally being here though, since it’s one of my favorite months of the year!
I’m in a similar situation as you, I haven’t written anything in a while (I’d love to but I lack the energy cause I’m always tired from work xD). Most of my free time was spent watching documentaries and Barbie movies (strange mixture, I know haha).
Recently I started working through my story’s plot points though, to sort things out and hopefully continue working on my first draft soon.
Oh, and I also had a new plot idea for The Knights of the Alder! At one point my protagonist Aiden gets captured by the villain group and my brain was like “hey, wouldn’t it be interesting if he was offered to join the bad guys? If they try to manipulate him into sacrificing his brother to save his own life?”
And what can I say, my brain’s right, it would be interesting. So it’s canon now and I need to find out how to best integrate it in the story. And I’m really excited to work on the story again!
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I blame Tumblr, I'm sorry. I SWEAR MY REPLY ISN'T AS SHORT AS THE ONE YOU RECEIVED. AS IF I WOULD PUT THAT LESS OF AN EFFORT FOR YOU <33
Hello my dearest Vy, treasure of my heart, have you missed me? I hope so cause I sure as hell missed you :D
I am finally here. I went through hell and back but I am finally on prep leave. Bless the pandemic for extending my prep leave for up to 3 weeks! I'm going to get so much done as well as actually have time to take care of myself so if there's anything about this pandemic to be grateful for, it's this.
Anyway, I am so so so sorry for this extremely late reply. I don't think I need to repeat the reason as to why by now. But don't worry, all is well.
I hope you've been well these past week or so? I hope you've been well. I do hope your job is going well too :)
Thank you so much for taking your time to answer my questions, I enjoyed reading them so much!
Now here are my answers to yours..
I'm a Taurus!!
My favourite month has to be January, I just love the cold weather and of course, the New Year's festivities.
Basically any fandom related to Leigh Bardugo's Grishaverse books. I just love everything about that fictional universe, makes me feel at home.
If my bestfriend counts, then surely her. She's an angel, I can't imagine how messed up I'd be if it wasn't for her.
Water, food and wifi. Kidding, aside from basic essentials to stay alive, I suppose my dog, bestfriends and this one energy drink I'm addicted to.
I have 3 dogs so…But but but, I adore cats as well. In fact, I've been told a lot that I seem much more like a cat person. So perhaps both for me too :')
I don't play much video games so I can't say I have a favourite. However, I loved Mario as a child!
This is a hard one, I'm a big shipper!! But maybe Kanej (Kaz x Inej) and Wesper (Wylan x Jesper), again from Six of Crows.. (Please don't blame me, I'm just obssessed with this series.)
Either my rings or my books, it's a tough decision. This is rather far off but I'd love to have my very own cozy little library-cafe someday..just a wish :')
Thank you so much for your questions, they did help a lot and took my mind off my schedule!
Now it's been a while so I can't remember much of the questions I made for you but here are a few that stuck around
If you could visit any place in the world, which 3 places would you go to first?
One musical piece you can never get tired of?
Do you play any instruments??
What's your favourite musical instrument?
If you have the time, describe what your life would look like in your dream universe :) (really get that creative mind of yours to stir up your deepest desires)
Out of everything that you have written for streamers, which 3 are your favourites?
Again, feel free to ignore any of the questions and I hope you enjoy answering them :)
Loads of love,
~🌹
Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions sweetie I'm so glad you had fun answering them! And thank you for the new batch of questions dear, here are my answers:
I'd definitely visit Barcelona, Spain; Brighton, England and Cancún, Mexico
Since the term 'musical piece' gives me a lot of freedom here's three things music related that I could never get bored of: 1. Any Lana Del Rey album/song; 2. Lo-fi; 3. The musical Heathers 🤭
Nope unfortunately I don't. I tried learning the piano but never got the hang of it
It's spot shared by acoustic guitar and piano
Oooh ok so buckle up! 😉 I'd love to live by the beach in a house I'd share with no one but my pets. Yes, plural. I'd like to live that lonely writer lifestyle. Now that I think about it, I'd love to live in a lighthouse honestly. Outlandish? Maybe. But man is it a dream of mine. I'd live like an old fisherman and have the time of my life 🤭 However I'd also not be opposed to a night out with friends in a town that'd be near the lighthouse. I'd still like to have some of that partying I've always dreamt of sprinkled into the quiet haven mentioned above. But all in all, I'm a rather simple person ay 😊
Ooooh ok so for Corpse I'd say it's the two parter fic consisting of 'Champagne Problems' and 'Exile'; for Dave (not a streamer but he is a content creator so he'll be my cheat code) it would be the fic 'Fated Miracles' and last but certainly not least: my fic 'Sweetheart' for Sykkuno
Here are a few more questions I've got for you since last time. Again, no need to answer any or all if you don't want to/feel uncomfortable about them 🤗
What's your favorite mythological creature?
If you're a horror fan, what's your favorite scary movie? If not what's your favorite movie in general?
Favorite music genre?
Favorite pieces of fanfiction?
~ XOXO, Vy 💌
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I think I have realized that the reason I recently got Very Attached to this book character is due to his entire Thing being extremely Persona 5-esque in my brain...
Like he’s been punished and abused his whole life for circumstances out of his control and yet he still maintains his kind heart and fighting spirit. Then he meets this rag tag group who he learns to love and who support him and fight alongside him and there’s this moment where he’s brought to his lowest point and he’s breaking down but then his resolve just Hardens and he’s like “He took everything from me... but I’m going to steal it back.” And my feral brain started playing the Persona awakening music like YES BOY GO GO GO.
He gets SUCH a satisfying and cathartic conclusion too— heist shenanigans, takes down his abuser, learns to let people love him for who he is, holds to his ideals but like those ideals include making explosives for his mob boss leader friend and threatening the dude who tries to flirt with his boyfriend, and is so so soft but in a “I can mess you up if I so choose :)” sort of way.
So yeah I found a character who is a mix of Ryuji, Yusuke, and Haru named Wylan and I STAN.
#I finally got around to reading six of crows and it’s a lot of fun#there are parts that are very much YA Angst but WYLAN IS KING#I CRY the found family dynamic and character growth makes me FEEL EMOTIONS#cf personal
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Hi can I ask for the reaction of the demon brothers to the mc who always behaves fearlessly, but is afraid of a sharp clap and hides behind them?
Hi anon, this is my first ask for this blog so I hope it's what you wanted.
I got a bit carried away with this one so it ended up a bit long.
Normally fearless mc who hides behind the brothers after a loud noise
Lucifer:
Initially, Lucifer thinks that a human who has little to no magic ability (at least at first) is going to be helpless and frightened of almost everything. This is the Devildom after all, and demons would love to eat a sweet human soul.
But you routinely stand up not only to his brothers but to him.
Honestly, he finds it frustrating.
With no way to intimidate you Lucifer’s normal tactics to ensure proper behavior are rendered useless.
Not only that but you encourage his brothers to act up as well.
But your fearlessness has also endeared you to him.
Even more pride than normal radiates off him when he sees you put some lower-level demon or his brothers in their place. Even if he has to step in sometimes.
Lucifer discovers your fear as you walk into Ristorante Six and a waiter drops a tray of drinks behind you as you are being shown to your table
The tray hits the ground with a loud clatter
Lucifer turns at the noise but otherwise thinks little of the situation
You however are immediately hidden behind him, hands fisted tightly around handfuls of the back of his coat
He is surprised but quickly schools his expression into one of concern.
His first thought is if you are alright, did something on the tray somehow hit you?
He turns to you, taking your clenched fists into his hands.
For all intents and purposes you seem physically fine just…scared. Truly frightened.
Later when you have calmed down he might ask you about your reaction. But for now he will simply comfort you.
He pulls you into his arms whispering lowly into your ear, “there is nothing that can hurt you while I am here Mc. It’s alright.”
Once your breathing has slowed he’ll ask if you’d like to leave and go back to the house of lamentation.
If you were just startled he’ll spend the evening as planned, although he is far more aware of the movement of the surrounding demons. And any possible loud noises that could startle you again.
If you do want to go home he will gladly take you, he’ll propose a quieter evening, relaxing in his study listening to his records perhaps?
Mammon:
Oh, his fearless human!
He is oh so impressed at your bravery.
It’s almost reckless at times how little fear you seem to have in the face of demons.
This boy loves to watch you stand up to other demons or handle situations that others would consider frightening (especially for humans).
Your fearlessness makes you the perfect partner in crime for his schemes.
He loves the rush of getting away with his schemes and loves having you there to share that rush with even more.
Of course, when you do participate in his less than honest scheming, or even his honest ones, he is always there to protect you.
Watching you be fearless is fun but if anything could actually hurt you he is always aware of it. Ready to step in front of you at any moment. You’re his human after all. It wouldn’t due to have something harm you when he can prevent it.
You’re not even outside the house of lamentation when a rather peeved Lucifer comes into the kitchen. “Mammon!” he thunders with a loud slap of his hands on the counter.
You jump behind Mammon, face pressed into his back
One of Mammon’s arms unconsciously reaches behind him to shield you even more.
He is shocked at your reaction but the instinct to protect you kicks in instantly.
“Lucifer” Mammon warns quietly with a quick glance towards you behind him “could we maybe do this later I think Mc…” He trails off
Once Lucifer is gone, seeming to have gotten the gist of the situation, Mammon turns to you. one hand stroking your head gently until you look at him.
“Hey, Mc you’re ok. What’s gotten into ya?”
“The noise” you mumble. Half embarrassed, half still trying to calm your racing heart.
“Geez Mc, ya don’t gotta worry ‘bout stuff like that when I’m around”
He doesn’t quite understand why a loud noise would scare you but is more than willing to listen if you want to explain.
Levi
Levi doesn’t get you.
How can some magicless normie human not be afraid in the Devildom? Surrounded by actual demons? Whatever it’s not like he gets normies anyway.
But then he gets to know you and he actually likes you. You’re his Henry now, his player 2 or… whichever you prefer Mc. Even admitting this to himself is sometimes so hard.
Your whole fearlessness thing still confuses him, but it’s impressive too.
He enjoys being able to play horror games with you or watch horror anime without you being terrified.
It’s like nothing phases you. You can face down anything the Devildom throws at you. Levi thinks you’re so cool, it’s almost not fair!
He kind of wonders what actually scares you
He finds out one night when Asmo throws the door to his room open so hard it bounces off the wall with a loud slam.
Asmo is crowing about family bonding night and repainting Levi’s nails “because gaming isn’t all that matters Leviathan, and you should have been in the living room half an hour ago!”
Levi groans at Asmo’s outburst. Then pauses, blinks slowly, and realizes you’re hidden behind him quaking in…in fear?
His demon form slips out quietly and he wraps his tail around your waist protectively.
He doesn’t understand why you’re frightened but he’s got you covered normie.
“Ohhh, I didn’t know you were playing that kind of game!” Asmo grins purposely misreading the situation. “You and Mc can come down when you’re done.” he sings, shutting the door behind him as he leaves.
Levi’s face is so red, he opens and closes his mouth several times before any words make it out.
“M-mc did did Asmo do something to you? or?” He’s trying to figure out what’s got you so scared.
But he’s still so flustered from Asmo’s teasing that he can’t turn to face you. Instead, he keeps his tail protectively and hopefully comfortingly around your waist.
“No” you sniff “the noise. When the door, it just”
“Oh, good. Not good-good! I mean good that Asmo didn’t do anything.”
You’re both silent for a long moment as Levi composes himself and turns around. Levi finally has time for his surprise to hit him. This is what you are afraid of? He never would have guessed. Still, he doesn’t think any less of you. How could he? Everyone’s got their things, their fears.
“Thanks, Levi,” You say, tapping his tail gratefully.
You get to watch the red bloom across his face this time.
Satan
You being fearless is intriguing and impressive.
He has read about all sorts of phobias and a part of him wants to expose you to some common ones just to see if any of them scare you.
But he won’t.
He likes you too much for that.
You aren’t afraid of pranking Lucifer with him.
Or of late-night library searches, or cursed books, or most importantly of him.
He expected you to be afraid of him, he is the avatar of wrath after all, and his anger can and has made him lose control.
But you're not the least bit afraid of him. He truly appreciates that.
While cooking dinner the loud clatter of a pot falling to the floor and splashing its contents to the ground makes him curse and then sigh, but it makes you jump behind him.
hm? Oh. Oh!
With one hand gripping his shoulder and the other clutching his shirt, it only takes a moment for him to recognize your fear.
He realizes pretty quickly that it must have been the loud noise.
There’s a part of him, the same part that had wanted to test you for hidden phobias, that is immensely satisfied with this new information about his favorite human. Excited even.
Satan feels that knowing there is something that scares you makes you more real.
He almost chuckles at your reaction.
Instead, he guides you to a seat and as he straightens lets his knuckles brush your cheek gently.
“Are you alright Mc?”
He waits until the shock and fear have worn off before cleaning up the mess on the floor.
He knew there had to be something that scared you, he just hopes this fear isn’t tied to any…unpleasant people or situations in your life. Just the thought of that erases all his satisfaction at discovering your fear.
If you’re still a bit rattled he’ll keep you distracted, while he finishes cooking, with tales of the Devildom and the new installment of his favorite mystery show or the new novel he’s reading that he thinks you might like.
If you have recovered he’ll gladly accept your help finishing dinner.
Asmo
Asmo loves your fearlessness.
He thinks it makes you even more attractive.
He says that other than your magical potential it was one of the things that led him to make a pact with you.
“Nothing seemed to phase you, I just had to know more!”
Drags/brings you shopping a lot partly just to watch you stare rude demons down.
Of course, he is always there just in case a demon doesn’t get the point, but he takes a kind of pleasure in seeing demons try and fail to intimidate you, before leaving in shock and shame at being unable to scare a mere human.
He doesn’t let you get into dangerous situations if he can help it. Being confident and fearless is all well and good Mc, but you are still a human and demons can be dangerous.
During one of your shopping trips, there is a loud clap of excitement from a demon when they find what they were looking for.
You gasp and duck behind Asmo.
He turns an amused smile on his face.
“Mc, how can you possibly help me look for my size when you…oh!
As he sees your face he understands. You’re afraid.
He is flattered that you chose to hide behind him for protection. He thinks it shows how much you truly trust him.
He takes your hand in his, even as his head tilts slightly trying to figure out what scared you.
It all clicks a moment later. The noise.
He grips your hand a bit tighter and guides you out of the store, away from the situation.
Asmo knows that your reaction could have just been from being startled but he also knows that it could be tied to a deeper fear of something or someone.
He hopes you were just startled but makes sure you know that he will always protect you from your fears. Minor or serious.
If you let him he will have a whole self-care spa day with you after you get back to the house of lamentation.
Beel
Beel is impressed by a fearless human.
Especially one with little to no magic when first coming to the Devildom.
But he is also concerned for you.
He worries you might do something reckless.
So he makes sure to be around in order to make sure you stay safe.
Will 100% eat a lesser demon who tries to harm you.
Beel wants you to be safe.
But he is glad that your fearless nature gives you the confidence to explore more of the Devildom than just RAD classes.
He is so happy when you want to go somewhere new with him, maybe to a restaurant or cafe you haven’t tried yet.
The first time you hide behind him is after the wind blows a chair over at a nearby table outside a cafe.
You are on your feet in an instant
And in the next, you are almost cowering behind him.
Beel is startled.
He doesn’t understand why you seem so afraid.
But he pulls you into his arms anyway.
Beel comes right out and asks you about your reaction.
When you explain that it was the loud noise Beel nods.
He wants to ask if you were just startled or if there is more to your fear but doesn’t want to overstep.
He’ll wait until you are headed back to the house to ask.
Whatever your answer is he’ll accept it and in the future act accordingly to prevent you from being afraid.
Belphie
Honestly hates how fearless you are at first.
It annoys him and he wants to make you afraid of him…until he doesn't.
And the complete 180 surprises even him.
He still wonders how a human can be so fearless and kind of wonders if it's all an act you use to protect yourself.
Even so, he’s still impressed that you can be fearless in the Devildom.
He’s another one who likes to see you tell other demons to get lost.
He thinks that a human chasing off a Demon in the realm of demons is hilarious.
On the way to RAD one morning what sounds like a loud clap causes Belphie to turn and see another demon being slapped.
He goes to make a snide comment to you, only you aren’t standing next to him anymore.
Instead, you are tucked behind him holding tightly to his uniform jacket.
“Um, Mc? What exactly are you doing?”
And that’s when it all comes out.
The noise had scared you so much you had hidden behind him.
Belphie just shrugs. It’s surprising sure, considering all the other things you’ve seen and experienced in the Devildom. But hey you are a human, something was bound to scare you eventually.
He’s curious if you are just easily startled or if you have a fear of sudden loud noises.
Unlike his brothers (*Satan) he is curious enough to test you and see which it is.
Unless you come out then and there to tell him you have a fear of loud noises he will plan out a ‘prank’ to startle you again.
If it turns out it’s not a fear caused by anything serious and you are just easily startled he will use it against you occasionally, at least until he is bored of your reaction or you ask him to stop.
But he doesn’t want to hurt you, emotionally or physically. If it’s a genuine fear he’d never use it against you. And he’d personally end anyone who did.
#obey me x mc#obey me x reader#obey me x gender neutral reader#obey me#obey me shall we date#obey me headcanons#obey me scenarios#lucifer obey me#mammon obey me#leviathan obey me#asmodeus obey me#satan obey me#beelzebub obey me#obey me belphie#lucifer x mc#mammon x mc#leviathan x mc#satan x mc#asmo x mc#beel x mc#belphie x mc
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New In Town (part seven) - Kaz Brekker
Request: nope
Pairing: Kaz Brekker x reader
Summary: after kaz outsmarts you, you're desperate for a new way to get your information. it turns out kaz has a solution to your problem
Warnings: none
Word count: 2.4K
A/N: the last part wow!! I had so much fun writing this, thanks to everyone who has read this series! <3
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TAG LIST (all grishaverse fics): @ayushmitadutta @mrs-brekker15@dancingwith-sunflowers @thegirlwiththeimpala @parker-natasha@story-scribbler@romanoffstarkovs@daliareads@meiitanoia @itsnotquimey@sanktaesperanza @whymyparentscheckmyphone@aleksanderwh0r3 @ilovemarvelanne1 @marlenaisnthappy @brekker-zenik @just-deka @graceknxwlson @the-very-tired-mess @sassybadqueen
TAG LIST (Kaz Brekker): @mufnasa @Janesofia7 @stairscortana @parker-natasha @illicitghosts @brick-by-brick553 @gallysonegoodlung @dropssofjupitter @earthtokace
TAG LIST (New In Town): @calums-betch
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You couldn't believe it. You stayed up all night trying to figure out how Kaz could outsmart you. How he figured out how you got your information on his jobs.
You hadn't found the answer yet.
While you're kind of angry he figured it out, you're also impressed. It took him a while, but he did figure it out eventually.
But now you have to figure out a new way to get information.
You couldn't climb the roof again soon, obviously. No doubt Kaz would have sent Inej up there to make sure you couldn't listen in on their meetings again.
Even if you were to approach the Slat, you now have six people to be on the lookout for, instead of just Jesper and Kaz. And there was no way of telling wether or not Kaz had given your description to other Dregs as well.
You spend the rest of the day in your apartment, trying to figure out how Kaz could have figured it out. And sulking because they got away with your prize. Well, it was their prize first, so you didn't really have a reason to be upset about it.
The next day, you're walking toward the Barrel. You're wearing a coat with a large hood pulled over your head and part of your face. Even if someone did see you, there's a chance they wouldn't see your face.
But just how much does Kaz know about you? He knows your true identity, the name the Ravkans had given you, how you get your information. You'd be a fool to think he wouldn't recognise you if he saw you in the streets.
In the distance, you see the familiar crooked building appear. Your eyes are darting around the street, looking for any of the crows. When you don't see them, you slip in the alley behind the Slat.
Though you know you probably won't hear anything, you climb the building anyway.
All the way to your spot by Kaz' window. Maybe you wouldn't hear a detailed plan for a job. But you could happen to overhear something else. Maybe you could hold that information against him. Demand part of the prize.
But when half of the day has passed, you hadn't heard as much as a door opening.
Could they be away on a new job already? You had no idea just how many jobs he had in a week. After all, you only knew about the ones they talked about when they were in Kaz' rooms. There was no telling if they talked about other jobs in other places.
When you rise again, your muscles are sore and stiff. You would come back the next day, see if you could hear anything. Maybe they were out celebrating last night's success. They might be back tomorrow.
But they're not. Nor are they there to talk business the day after.
For an entire week, you hope to eavesdrop on them. No luck.
When a week has passed you find yourself on your way to the Slat again. You don't even know why. The chance you'd be able to hear something is basically nonexistent.
But there's some comfort in the routine. When you lay down on the roof, you can tell it's going to be a sunny day. There are no clouds in the air, and it's still a bit cold from the night.
You're starying to get lost in thoughts when you finally hear a sound in Kaz' room.
Footsteps. And of course his cane. You hold your breath, excited to finally hear him say something. You're surprised, when he seems to address you.
'Do you really think I'll tell you everything again?'
You carefully peer over the edge and see how Kaz pokes his head out of the window. You don't even bother to duck away. Instead, you glare at him.
'I've been eating the worst food every day because I need to save money for my fucking rent.' you say, frustratedly. 'My old job won't take me back.'
Kaz shrugs. 'Not my fault.' he says.
'Yes it is.' you say.
'No. It's not my fault that you don't get to steal from us anymore.' he says.
'Just give me a little something.' you say, almost begging him.
'I don't think I will.' says Kaz.
You groan. 'You're the worst.' you say.
'You have no idea.' says Kaz. 'Now come in so we can talk like civilised human beings.'
You glare at him again. 'Your words, not mine.' says Kaz.
His head disappears again and you hesitate. You then skilfully climb through the window. You let your eyes roam through the room.
It's clear that this is his office. There's stacks of paper everywhere, and though the room isn't that big, he's crammed a desk in there.
Kaz is sitting behind it, gesturing to a chair across from him. You look at him and slowly walk over to the chair to sit down.
He pours you a glass of kvas, then pours one for himself. You don't say anything, waiting for him to speak.
'So.' he says. 'Did you honestly think we'd have a meeting here again?'
You shrug. 'I hoped you would. Turns out I was wrong.' you say as you take a sip of your drink. 'How did you know how I got the information?'
'Inej.' says Kaz.
You chuckle softly. 'Of course. Did she see me?' you say.
Kaz nods. 'Once. She immediately told me someone was up on the roof near the window. I knew it was you. I suddenly knew that was how you kept getting the information.' he says.
'And you set a trap.' you say.
'And I set a trap.' says Kaz. 'You didn't even second guess it. Just took the bait like that. You ought to be more careful. This is still the Barrel. Everyone tricks everyone.'
'This is still the Barrel, but I'm still an outsider. I can make a few mistakes.' you say.
'Are you still an outsider?' says Kaz, finishing his drink.
You frown at him. 'Well, I'm not exactly Kerch now., if that's what you're implying.' you say.
'You don't have to be an outsider.' says Kaz. 'I've told you before, I value your skills. You would be a remarkable crow. An exceptional addition to the team.'
It sounds very tempting. Especially since you have no source of information now. Still, you should be able to survive on your own. Find and plan your own jobs. You're more than capable. But Kaz knows Ketterdam. Knows its valuables, its people, he's got eyes and ears everywhere.
But you're not a team player.
'I'll give you the same answer to the same question. I work alone.' you say.
'Fine with me.' says Kaz. 'Enjoy your cheap food.'
He gets up and walks through the door into a different room that's attached to his office. You're waiting for him to come back, but when he doesn't, you climb out of the window again.
You climb down to the street, and start walking back to your apartment. You really had to find some jobs, and fast.
After having declined Kaz' offer a second time, you doubt he'd offer it to you again. You're determined to find a job yourself.
You spend the next few weeks trying to find a job. But the more gangs won't accept you, the less jobs you find and the worse food you eat to save money, the more desperate you become.
Every day, Kaz' offer is still on your mind. You're starting to think he might have told every gang leader to not give you a job, so you'd have no choice but to accept his offer. You didn't even know if gangs had a lot of communication with each other, but you did know Kaz was more than capable of reaching out to them to stop them from employing you.
After no gang is willing to offer you a job, you try all the cafes and pubs in the city. You even try some near the university, but they'd taken one look at your clothes - not exactly student material - and sent you away.
And when your landlord approaches you and tells you that if you don't pay your rent on time she'll kick you out, you realise you really have to do something.
And desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your feet feel heavy when you walk toward the Slat. You feel like a fool. Declining Kaz' offer twice, and then going back to him when your landlord threatens to kick you out.
You don't bother to conceal your face, but you do take your weapons with you. It's still the Barrel.
Instead of climbing to the roof, you go through the front door of the crooked building. You step into a hallway, and when you look through an open door, you see something what looks like a combined dining room and kitchen.
Deciding it's a good place to start, you enter the room. There a few people there, none of which you recognise. They give you funny looks, but none of them speaks to you as they turn back to whatever they were doing.
You're standing there, unsure of what to do. Could you just walk up to Kaz' floor? Or would that be considered rude?
Right when you want to slowly turn around and walk the stairs, someone enters through a back door. You're relieved to see it's someone you recognise.
Nina walks up to you when she spots you.
'Y/N, right?' she says.
'Yes.' you say.
She smiles at you. 'You must be here looking for Kaz.' she says.
'How did you know?' you say.
Nina still smiles at you. 'He's always talking about you. He was convinced you'd accept his second offer. Is that why you're here?' she says.
'Yes, I want to talk to him, but wasn't sure if I could just walk up to his floor and knock on his door.' you say.
'Probably not.' says Nina. 'He might've made an exception for you, though. I'll take you upstairs.'
You follow Nina to the stairs.
'Why would he make an exception for me?' you ask her.
To your surprise, Nina chuckles.
'You're the only one to ever outsmart him. You've gotten his attention, and he's impressed by you.' she says.
'Really?' you say. 'But all the stories I've heard about him on the streets describe him as some indestructible, clever thief. Hard to outsmart.'
'He is hard to outsmart.' says Nina. 'Which is why he's so impressed by you. Here we are.'
You've stopped in front of a door. Nina looks at you, and with a wink, she knocks on the door.
'Come in.' says Kaz' voice.
Nina opens the door and gestures for you to follow her.
'Look who I found wandering around downstairs.' she says.
When Kaz' eyes fall on you, you can tell he's pleased to see you. He doesn't smile, but there's a hint of it in his eyes.
'Y/N.' he says. 'How's the cheap food?'
'Still horrible.' you say.
'Nina, leave us.' says Kaz.
'Give a yell when he attacks you with his cane.' says Nina, and she leaves the room and shuts the door behind you.
'I could probably guess why you're here, but I'd still like to know why Nina caught you wandering in the Slat.' says Kaz.
'Does that offer still stand?' you ask him.
'It does. he says.
'Then I accept it.' you say.
Now, he does smile. He stands and offers you a gloved hand, which you shake.
'Welcome to the Dregs.' says Kaz.
'I wasn't exactly sure if the job was still mine.' you admit.
'How so?' says Kaz, sitting back down.
'Well, I'd declined it twice. But then I got here and was told I'd impressed you.' you say.
'Did Nina tell you that?' says Kaz.
You nod. 'She said I'm the only one to outsmart you.' you say.
'Until I outsmarted you.' says Kaz.
'But I outsmarted you first.' you say with a smile.
'We'll get you a room at the Slat.' says Kaz, quickly changing the subject. 'We lost someone a few weeks back and the room's been empty every since. You can take it, it's on the second floor next to Jesper's room.'
'I'll move my stuff right away.' you say.
You get up and walk to the door. Just before opening it, you look at Kaz over your shoulder. 'Thanks.' you say. 'For the job.'
Kaz nods at you and you leave his office.
When you walk through the door and step out onto the street, you hear someone call your name.
You turn around to see Jesper and Wylan catching up with you.
'Hey!' says Jesper. 'Nina told us you accepted the job!'
'I did.' you say. 'Looks like I'll still do your jobs for you, only Kaz is aware of it now.'
Jesper places a hand over his heart. 'Already threatening us, you'll fit right in.' he says.
'Kaz gave me a room in the Slat, next to yours.' you say.
'We know.' says Wylan. 'He sent us to help you move.'
'Oh, I don't have a lot of stuff. I can manage on my own.' you say.
'Walk up and down three times by yourself, or once with our help.' says Jesper. 'And then we can invite you for your first drink at the Slat.'
'Alright then.' you say. 'You guys can help. If you let me buy the first round.'
'Agreed.' says Wylan.
With Jesper and Wylan's help, it indeed takes one trip from your old apartment to the Slat. You put your stuff in your new room, deciding to arrange everything later, and head back down.
You see Nina and Matthias have joined Jesper and Wylan, and right when you walk through the door you see Inej walking down the stairs.
Apparently, news travelled fast. They all welcome you and congratulate you on the job, telling you they can't wait to go on a job with you.
Just when you order the first round of drinks, Kaz comes downstairs as well.
He sits down next to you and grabs the glass Jesper offered him.
Kaz looks at you before raising his glass to make a toast.
'To Y/N, the newest addition to the Crows. And also the first person to outsmart me. I'm sure you're all going to make sure I will never forget that.' says Kaz.
You smile as they all raise their glass and say your name. You're glad you accepted his offer after all.
A/N:
If you want to request something, make sure to read my house rules
Here’s the list of characters I write for. Everything that I have written can be found on my masterlist.
Please don’t repost my work, as I spend much time and effort on it!! Thank you for reading!
Much love,
Marit
#lmao pAIN it ended :')#new in town#kaz brekker#shadow and bone#grishaverse#Kaz Brekker x reader#Kaz Brekker fics#Kaz Brekker fic#Kaz Brekker fanfiction#Kaz Brekker fanfic#Kaz Brekker fanfics#shadow and bone fics#shadow and bone fic#shadow and bone fanfics#shadow and bone fanfic#shadow and bone fanfiction
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peach’s summer book list
i had a lot of fun compiling the list of books i read during the 20-21 winter, so i decided i would do a summer one as well! i still have a lot of books i own but haven’t read, so im definitely not lacking in material
if you didn’t see my winter list, how my book list works is basically like this: i read a book that i own but have not previously read, write a short summary immediately after finishing the book, write down my thoughts on the book, and then provide a rating for the book. i also might include background info on why i read this particular book/feelings about the author, but that depends on the book. that’s how each entry works
without further ado, let’s get started!
1. Grasshopper Jungle by Andrew Smith
okay so i absolutely adore another book by andrew smith (written after grasshopper jungle) called the alex crow. it’s one of my favorite books of all time, so naturally i wanted to see if grasshopper jungle would make me feel similarly. just like the alex crow, grasshopper jungle’s plot is. so fucking weird. it stars austin szerba, a teenage polish kid who lives in ealing, iowa, and is often sexually confused regarding his girlfriend shann and his best friend robby. and in ealing, iowa, austin and robby accidentally and unknowingly unleash an unstoppable army of huge six-foot-tall praying mantis bugs that only want to do two things: fuck and eat. and i just have to say: andrew smith’s got an absolutely dynamo writing style. alex crow is similar, where it’s a book about kind of everything all at once, framed in a moment centering around teenage boys. it’s fantastic, and it’s more than a little gross, and i love it. this book made me feel so many things, and i thought austin was such an amazing narrator and main character to identify with. this book has it all: shitty teenage boy humor, fucked up science experiments, and poetic imagery that will make you want to cry. and explicit lgbt characters.
412/10 andrew smith what do you put in your water i just want to know
2. Burn by Patrick Ness
patrick ness has written a plethora of some of my favorite books (such as a monster calls, the chaos walking trilogy, and the rest of us just live here) so when i saw this one in the store i knew it would be a great one. burn is an alternate history fantasy that takes place in 1957 frome, washington, during the height of the cold war, and it begins with a girl named sarah and her father hiring a dragon to help out on their farm. but there’s not just dragons, farm living, and cold war tensions; there’s also a really shitty small town cop, a cult of dragon worshippers and their deadly teenage assassin, a pair of fbi agents, and a prophecy that sarah’s newly hired dragon claims she’s a part of. i think eoin colfer’s highfire was on my winter list, which also featured a story that included dragons and shitty cops, so when i first began burn i thought it was funny to have two books that had both things. you know, if you had a nickel etc etc. but that’s really where the similarities end because burn is entirely it’s own monster (dragon). burn is entirely invested in its world, and its fascinating. not only that, i had no clue where the book would take me next. there were so many surprises and amazing twists that honestly just blew me away. this book also includes beautifully written complicated discussions on family, race, and love - it features interracial and queer romances as the two most prominent romance plots which was such a nice surprise from a book i wasn’t expecting to have that kind of representation. this book is witty, fast-paced, and a very heartening read - i absolutely adored it.
9/10 dragons and becoming motivated by the power of love and friendship are so fucking cool
3. As Meat Loves Salt by Maria McCann
i hate this book! as meat loves salt is a historical fiction novel which takes place in seventeenth century england, which is going through a grisly civil war. the protagonist, jacob cullen, is a servant for a wealthy household and is engaged to another servant in the house. but due to certain events that are almost entirely jacob’s fault, he flees the house and is separated from his wife. from there, he joins the royal army and meets a kind soldier, ferris, and the two become fast friends. jacob and ferris’s relationship begins to bridge past friendly, and jacob struggles with his homoerotic feelings as well as the growing obsession and violence inside him. also, they try to start a colony. listen, i don’t know how to describe the book because so much happens, but it basically just follows jacob and all the terrible decisions he makes because he is, truly, a terrible person. ferris is kind and good, and jacob is scum of the earth. he sucks so bad. the entire time i was reading this book (which took absolutely so long), all i wanted was for jacob to just get his ass handed to him. i wanted to see him suffer. and it’s not like i just personally don’t like him - i believe the book purposefully depicts him as unsympathetic even though he is the narrator. i did enjoy the very in depth and accurate portrayal of what life would’ve been like in seventeenth century england, and i think it was interesting to read a character that is just the absolute worst person you’ve ever encountered and see him try and justify his actions, so if you enjoy that kind of thorough writing, then this book would be perfect for you. however, i did not see that bitch ass motherfucker jacob cullen suffer enough. i’d kill him with my bare hands.
2/10 diversity win! the worst man on earth is mlm!
4. This Savage Song by Victoria Schwab
i know ive had a friend tell me how great one of schwab’s other book series is, but truthfully i bought this book because the cover is sick as hell and it was on a table in the store that advertised for buy two get one free, i think. something like that. anyway, this savage song takes place in a future in which monsters, for whatever reason, suddenly became real and out for blood in a mysterious event nicknamed the phenomenon. august flynn is one of these monsters, but he takes no pride in that fact and only wants to feel human. kate harker is the daughter of a ruthless man and is trying her hardest to be ruthless, too, but deep down she knows it’s just an act. their city, verity, stands divided, and kate and august stand on either side - but when august is sent on a mission to befriend kate in the hopes of stopping an all out war, the lines begin to blur. this book rules. august and kate are such interesting and dynamic characters, and the narrative is familiar while still being capable of twisting the story around and taking the feet out from under you in really compelling ways. this savage song is part of the monsters of verity duology, and i can’t wait to dive into how the story continues and finishes.
11/10 sometimes you can judge a book by it’s cover
4a. Our Dark Duet by Victorian Schwab
this is the sequel and finale for this savage song and i’d figure i’d update everyone: fantastic ending, beautiful, showstopping, painful.
12/10 loved it and will definitely be keeping an eye out for schwab’s other books
5. White is for Witching by Helen Oyeyemi
oh boy. okay. white is for witching is about a house, and it is about the women who have lived inside of it. when her mother dies abroad, miranda silver begins to act strangely, and there’s nothing her father or her twin brother seem to be able to do about it. she develops an eating disorder and begins to hear voices in the silver family house, converted to a bed and breakfast by miranda’s dad; and she begins to lose herself in the house and the persistent presence of her family legacy. white is for witching switches perspective dizzingly and disorientingly between miranda, her twin eliot, miranda’s friend from school named ore, and the house itself. this story is a horror story as much as it as a tragedy as much as it is a romance as much as it is a bunch of other things. oyeyemi brings race, sexuality, nationality, and family into this story and forces you not to look away. this book is poetry.
(like i mentioned briefly, this book heavily deals with topics of race and closely follows miranda’s eating disorder. read responsibly, and take care of yourselves)
15/10 this book consumed me and i think i’ll have to read it another 10 more times to feel it properly
6. These Violent Delights by Chloe Gong
okay. okay. strap in for a ride. these violent delights is a romeo and juliet style story, taking place in glittering 1920’s shanghai. the city stands divided - not only between the foreign powers encroaching on chinese land, but also between the scarlet gang and the white flowers, who are at the height of a generations-long blood feud. juliette cai, heir to the scarlets, has recently returned from four years abroad and is determined to prove herself ruthless enough to lead. roma montagov, heir to the white flowers, is standing strenuously on his place as next in line due to a slip up four years prior and is desperate to keep hold of his title. and in the midst of juliette and roma’s burning history with each other threatening to combust, an unnatural monster lurks in the waters of shanghai, loosing a madness on scarlets and white flowers alike. this book has it all - scorned ex lovers, political intrigue, deadly monsters, and all set on a glamorous backdrop of the roaring twenties. i absolutely was enraptured by this book and the way it plays around the story of romeo and juliet so well that it easily became it’s own monster, but with the punches and embraces of something classically shakespearan. gong does just an absolutely breathtaking job of fitting this fantastical story amid the larger world of shanghai and the real life historical events that had shaken the city to its core. completely immersive and outstandingly heart racing.
17/10 i was chewing on my fingernails for the last thirty pages and will continue to do so until the sequel is released (our violent ends, 16 nov 21)
7. The Antiques by Kris D’Agostino
you ever heard of the american dysfunctional family story? this is most definitely that. at the same time george westfall’s cancer takes a turn for the worse, a hurricane hits the east coast, and suddenly all at once the issues of his health, the hurricane, and all three of his children’s achingly dysfunctional adult lives are crashing into each other. reunited by george’s death, the westfall siblings have to face their grief, each other, and the problems in their own lives they attempted to put on hold while planning their father’s memorial. this is a nice story about grief and loss and love and somehow finding the humor amidst it all.
(this book does include a depiction of an autistic child who does experience several pretty bad meltdowns due to ignorant people around him not understanding how to cater to his needs. im not an authority on what depictions are or are not harmful, but i do believe this depiction is ultimately loving and well-intended.)
7/10 it made me laugh and cry and was generally one of those books that somehow hit you close to home
8. Fierce Fairytales by Nikita Gill
fierce fairytales is a poetry anthology that reimagines classic fairytales from a modern, feminist viewpoint, acknowledging that the line between hero and villain, monster and damsel, are not as clear cut as the classics try to make you believe. this book also includes illustrations done by the author herself, which i think is really cool. my personal favorite story reimagining was the story of peter pan and captain hook, called ‘boy lost’ which looked at how peter and hook’s relationship began and rotted. all in all, i think this collection of stories had a lot of important things to say and said them in frank, easy to understand poetry and prose.
7/10 beautiful message and pretty prose, but at times a little cliche
and that’s all from the summer! my fall semester starts tomorrow, and overall i feel very good about all the reading i did this summer. i even read four other books not on this list for work! so i definitely feel like i made the most out of my time, and im really glad i was able to read so many stories that made me feel a variety of different things
thanks so much for reading this list, and let me know if you read or have read any of these books and tell me what you think of them!
happy reading<3
#book recs#book rec#book rec list#grasshopper jungle#burn#as meat loves salt#this savage song#monsters of verity#white is for witching#these violent delights#the antiques#fierce fairytales#just like my winter list i did write ever review immediately after finishing the book and i think.#i think here you can really tell what my immediate reactions were based on how the review is written fbfjfjd
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Haikyuu!! Fic Recs
I love reading fanfics, and I have so many bookmarked that I want to share. Hope you all enjoy and give these writers all the love. All of these are completed works, and they are a mixture of one shots and multi chaps.
Kagehina
where the night goes by bigspoonnoya (M)
Summary:
When their bond loses the immediate context of volleyball, they're left to consider why it's still so vital and important.
Meeting again, by chance, six years later.
Somewhere to Belong by Esselle (E)
Summary:
Once a year, all the villages that follow the way of the sun offer up one of their own to be taken to the sun god's divine temple. Kageyama Tobio, an orphan and loner, never wanted to be chosen—and until the sun god appeared, no one ever wanted to choose him, either. All Tobio wants is to find a place he fits in. What he actually gets is another story entirely.
by this time next year by reeology (T)
Summary:
"I got offers from two universities," Kageyama announces, pointing at his chest with his thumb. "I'm going to play volleyball at Keio this spring."
"You still have to pass an exam, even if it's an easy one," Takeda-sensei hurries to add, although he is beaming and bursting with pride at his fluffy little crow chick taking off to play volleyball at a university level.
"I'll pass," Kageyama says with the same kind of confidence he uses when he tells Hinata he'll get the toss to him. He looks straight at Hinata, and Hinata jerks and turns red, wondering if maybe Kageyama knew he was daydreaming about something as stupid as the way Kageyama talks to him during a game. But then Kageyama just points at him and says, "You'd better get in, too."
Hinata, stupid, naive, idiot that he is, grins wide and nods and says, "Yeah!"
He doesn't know what he's in for.
Not Alone by seconddaysea (E)
Summary:
"I'll visit you," Hinata says. "So you're not allowed to get lonely, you got it?" He turns so they're facing each other, hands warm against Tobio's back.
"I'm already lonely," he replies quietly, and he presses his face against Hinata's heart, squeezing his eyes shut, because if this is a dream he doesn't want to wake up.
maps, from me to you by tothemoon (T)
Summary:
This is a (non-chronological) account of the memories they make out of millimeters.
Iwaoi
we can do better than that by spaceburgers (M)
Summary:
Oikawa and Iwaizumi go on a road trip during the summer after their high school graduation. It doesn't go as expected, but maybe that's not such a bad thing after all.
we shine like diamonds by whiitemists (T)
Summary:
Oikawa is nine when he first hears the word. The boys on the playground whisper it like it's dirty, like the way they daringly mutter the word fuck and then look over their shoulders to check their parents hadn't heard.
"You know Abe-kun from class?" they snicker, hands cupped around their mouths like they're passing along a filthy secret. "I hear his older brother is... gay."
here comes your man by newamsterdam (T)
Summary:
Iwaizumi’s left his cell phone on the bench, and while Suga keeps his gaze away from Iwaizumi the phone lights up with a new message.
Iwa-chan, it reads, Have a good day today! Good luck! <3 <3 <3
Suga chokes. It’s hard to imagine anyone calling the scowling and fierce Doctor Iwaizumi “Iwa-chan.” But marriage probably comes with all sorts of liberties.
Mrs. Iwaizumi must be quite the doting wife, Suga thinks. Delivering hand-made bentos and sending along loving messages.
No one really knows much about the new surgical resident, Doctor Iwaizumi, other than the fact that he's married. Suga's determined to find out more, and make a friend of him in the process.
just hear me out by loveclouds (T)
Summary:
To stimulate Japan's low birthrates and take most of the guesswork out of dating, a beeper system was biologically developed in people's wrists, an audible confirmation to show romantic compatibility.
Iwaizumi's beeper has been going off for Oikawa since they've been kids. Oikawa's has only ever been silent.
Call Security! by DeathBelle (T)
Summary:
Oikawa Tooru is attractive, charming, and irresistible.
He thinks so, anyway, until he meets the mall's new security guard.
In which Oikawa has a crush, Iwaizumi has no interest, and a chain of shoplifting incidents brings them together.
Bokuaka
(Don't) Touch Me by DeathBelle (E)
Summary:
Akaashi has always had an aversion to human contact, but earlier in his life it had been bearable. It isn't until his last year of high school that it becomes intolerable. By the time he enters college, any skin contact has the potential to send him spiraling into a breathtaking panic attack.
He reconnects with Bokuto in college, and he seems to be the only person with the ability to calm Akaashi down. He finds himself relying on his old captain more and more, especially when Bokuto deems himself Akaashi's own personal guardian. Despite their connection, he can't touch Bokuto, either; no matter how badly he'd like to.
Upstairs by yoogiboobi (E)
Summary:
Bokuto first sees his neighbour at the supermarket, three days after he's moved into his new place.
[...]
For about a second, a heartbeat, he's met with a pair of dark, piercing eyes, with what is probably eyeliner, looking back at him. It really is just a split second before his hand knocks down three cereal boxes that hit him square in the head, effectively making him break eye contact and drop his groceries to the floor.
In which some of the first things Bokuto learns about his upstairs neighbour are the colour of his eyes and the sound of his moans.
bang! now we're even by Authoress (E)
Summary:
Akaashi only has two rules when it comes to his profession. One, complete the job as swiftly and cleanly as possible. Two, never trust anyone who smells like blood.
Rule three is to shoot Owl Eyes in the face should he ever come across him, but Akaashi never tells anyone about that one.
Crisis Converted by valiantarmor (E)
Summary:
Akaashi Keiji is just a normal cop with a penchant for getting himself into trouble, when quite suddenly he finds himself with a big promotion and a brand new partner.
But his habit of finding trouble hasn't gone away -- if anything, it's only gotten worse.
cracks in the pavement will lead you home by deusreks (M)
Summary:
Bokuto often thinks about Akaashi, especially when he’s running. It’s like his legs know where they’re supposed to take him. He grows into a habit of running a lot, just to keep that feeling going. Cracks and holes in the pavement aren’t fun to jump over if the final reward isn’t seeing Akaashi’s face.
An alternate universe with a little bit of magic and a lot of growing up.
Ushiten
died in my dreams by MTrash (Makaria) (T)
Summary:
If anyone asked Ushijima how it came to this, he wouldn’t be able to formulate a proper answer.
Ushijima likes his quiet, his order, and his solitude. That is, until a loud, talkative and a little chaotic cyber tech convinces him that that's just plain boring.
while i nodded, nearly napping (suddenly there came a tapping) by pseudoanalytics (T)
Summary:
Of course if there was one thing that could be counted on, it was Ushijima’s blunt, total honesty. “Do you think Tendou is attracted to me?”
Reon froze. “T-Tendou?”
“Yes.”
Tendou was notoriously hard to read, but Reon kind of figured that he wasn’t the type to be anything less than painfully overt with romantic affections.
“I... I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I think if Tendou was attracted to you, he would let you know,” Reon said. “I'd guess he just considers you his best friend.” He hoped his answer would satisfy whatever frenzy the guy had worked himself into so Reon could finally take advantage of his last precious hours of sleep.
But instead, Ushijima visibly deflated in front of him. “Yes. That’s what I thought too,” he said miserably.
Oh, Reon realized. Oh no...
Executive Excursion by DeathBelle (E)
Summary:
Tendou is fun, quirky, and interesting.
Ushijima is none of the above.
It's no surprise that Ushijima is drawn to Tendou's magnetic personality. What's surprising is that Tendou seems to like Ushijima, too.
With a little support from his coworkers, Ushijima decides to take a chance and ask Tendou on a date. The results are better than expected.
fascinating facts about geckos by miracleboysatori (T)
Summary:
Ushijima Wakatoshi.
That’s the coach’s name. And he’s the new biology teacher on campus, so not only is he incredibly beautiful, he's also smart as hell.
Tendou can tell he’s completely doomed.
Affection, and other Quantifiable Actions by badbavarois (T)
Summary:
(He's a monster)
Ushijima Wakatoshi isn't a monster.
Misc/ Other ships
but not for spring to well up by tookumade (T) OsaSuna
Summary:
After ending a relationship with a fiancé, Suna returns home and tries to heal from heartbreak. Here, he finds friends in the form of the Miya brothers, and learns patience, forgiveness, and what happiness means to him.
the more things change by deadseasalt (E) OiKage
Summary:
“So let me get this straight. You went to the Meiji-Chuo game and saw your old crush and after watching Meiji bring Chuo to a crushing defeat, you realized you were still crushing on him big time?”
Kageyama wishes he could spit in Tsukishima’s drink. “It’s not a crush.”
Tsukishima laughs. “You poor dumb fuck.”
Third Impression by DeathBelle (E) Kuroo x Semi
Summary:
If Semi has a type, Kuroo isn't it.
After their first meeting, Semi concludes that Kuroo is smug, presumptuous, and a little too flirtatious for his own good. Their second encounter doesn't change his mind, and Semi does his best to avoid a third.
Kuroo has other ideas, and Semi finds himself tricked into an impromptu tutoring session with Kuroo himself.
It doesn't go as badly as Semi expects.
Mannequin Men by surveycorpsjean (E) BokuAkaKuroTsukki
Summary:
The modeling world is full of hungry wolves, constantly clambering over the other, snarling and desperate. They fight, and they kill, trampling over anything in their path.
In this case, Akaashi fell in love with the wolves.
Efflorescence by h_lovely (E) MatsuHana
Summary:
"Are we flirting?"
"Do you want to be?"
[Efflorescence (n.) a state of blooming, flowering, and development.]
#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fic recs#fic recs#haikyuu fanfiction#haikyuu#hq#kagehina#iwaoi#bokuaka#ushiten#matsuhana#oikage#sunaosa#osasuna#kurosemi#kuroo x semi#bokuakakurotsuki#bokuakakurotsukki#all of these are such great fanfics#i hope to make more of these#i still have more for each ship and for diff ships as well
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‘A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat’ - Chp. 1!
Gang banner by @verdiris
A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat
A trunk of contraband items ends up in the hands of the Crows, but the item that piques their curiosity most is the large box labelled “MONOPOLY”. Kaz is out of the Slat for the time being, so of course they decide to play it. Was there ever a mission more likely to fail than six criminals with lethal skills and undeniable emotional ties all trying to build a make-believe empire without killing each other in the process? Answer: yes - all of the above while attempting to pull off a heist at the same time.
Turns out board games weren’t the only interesting items shipped into Fifth Harbour that afternoon, and now the Razorgulls are interested. It will take all of the gang’s effort to break into two buildings full of rival gang members, regain possession of the contraband, and make it back to the Slat in one piece. And that’s without the inherent strains of playing at business negotiations with a group of decidedly underhand friends.
Join the Crows as they cheat, steal, lie, and bribe each other, all before the heist has even begun.
I am so excited to finally get to share the fic that I have been working on for the @grishaversebigbang over the last few months - A Hotel on the Board is Worth Two on the Geldstraat! Getting to take part in the Grishaverse Big Bang 2021 has been so much fun, and I have had the honour of working with an absolutely incredible gang of artists and the loveliest beta reader. It’s been an absolute blast, and this is one of my favourite things that I’ve written. Thank you so much to everyone that I’ve worked with, and I hope that you enjoy reading and admiring the story and art that we’ve created!
Here is everyone in my gang, with links to the work that they’ve created (some art may relate to chapters of the fic that haven’t been posted yet - the fic will be posted in its entirety within the next 3 weeks and the art will be linked within the fic on the relevant lines, but also there’s nothing that will spoil the story for you, so don’t worry!):
Corporalki: @davonysus (who is the most wonderful beta reader, thank you for everything that you contributed to this story!)
Materialki:
@ciph3rrr with hilarious Crows-minus-Kaz Monopoly shenanigans from Chapter 1
@j-wirth with this brilliant Inej and Wesper moment inspired by Chapters 2 and 7
@bloodysusher with a gorgeous group moment in Chapter 7
@verdiris with some amusing Kaz geniusness from Chapter 7
@maximumbluebirdpatrol (link still to come)
@emmaxtw (link still to come)
There are 7 chapters in total, so I shall be uploading a new one every Tuesday and Saturday until 25th September. Look below the cut for an excerpt from Chapter 1, and if you want to read the full thing (and check out the collection of all the other incredible pieces created for the GVBB) then click either of the links. I hope that you enjoy!
AHOTBIWTOTG Chapter 1 Excerpt:
The front door of the Slat opened with a loud clatter, and slammed shut on itself seconds later. It made Inej jump in her seat as she sat going over ship documentation - which, as it turned out, there was a lot of - in the front room. Nina gave her a look, and Inej wrinkled her nose back at her; the Wraith didn’t startle easily, but equally, there was usually less banging of doors while she tried to organise her finances.
“Honeys, I’m home!” Came Jesper’s voice. “And I brought treats!”
“It had better be more exciting than that time you came back from Cilla’s Fry with meat pies,” Inej called back. “That was underwhelming.”
“Speak for yourself,” Nina chimed in. “I was more than happy to finish up those.”
“We know.” Matthias gave her a knowing look, and Wylan sniggered as she raised a single finger at him in response.
The bickering that came from everyone trying to work on separate projects at the same time was one of the many reasons that Inej hadn’t made it past the first page of her sailing license. That being said, she joined in the chuckling at Nina’s expense.
“Oh, it’s definitely better than Cilla’s pies, but you’ll have to take a look for yourself.”
Jesper rounded the corner, a large trunk tucked under one slim arm. His face was bright from the brisk, cold air of the streets, and a bead of sweat dropped from his chin as he deposited the luggage on the table beside Inej. She sighed heavily as the wad of pages in front of her jumped with the sudden extra weight.
“Sorry,” Jesper grinned. She just rolled her eyes fondly in response.“Come on, who wants to see what I’ve got?”
Nina, Matthias and Wylan all got up from the neighbouring table and crowded around Inej and Jesper. It was uncomfortable having so many significantly taller people stood behind her while she was sitting, so Inej scooped up her papers and deposited them on the floor, taking their place on the table so that she could get a good look at the trunk.
“Where did you get that?” Matthias asked.
“Well, our dearest Kaz decided to put me on shipment duty and I had to wait around at the Exchange for a boat full of contraband to come in. It took hours, so as soon as I saw something that looked interesting, I used my innumerable skills to swipe it so that we could take a look inside.”
““Innumerable” is a long word for you,” Nina quipped.
A bubble of laughter rose up amongst the group, and Jesper stuck his tongue out childishly. “Fine, no contraband for you.”
“No, I want to look!”
“Be nice, then. I get first dibs on anything cool because I found it.”
Matthias snorted. “What happened to the ancient rule of “finder’s keepers”?”
“I found the trunk, therefore I found anything that’s inside it by proxy.”
“Can we just open it up?” Wylan said impatiently. “I feel like we’re building expectations by arguing like this – it’s probably smuggled whiskey or something.”
“Shouldn’t we wait for Kaz?” Inej asked. The others gave her a look of incredulity. “Where is he, anyway?”
There was a brief moment of looking at each other for answers, before Jesper answered decisively. “If he was so worried about what came in on the boat, he would’ve gone himself. And if he isn’t here now, then he’ll just have to accept whatever is left over from the spoils.”
“We aren’t actually pirates, you know,” Inej said.
“Not yet,” Jesper stage-whispered in reply, and Inej found herself grinning, pleased. “Gather around, then.” He beckoned everyone closer like a ringmaster at the centre of a performance.
Inej was surprised to find that her heart was actually beating faster with the thought of what might be inside. Wylan was probably right that they were getting themselves worked up over nothing, but all the same, she couldn’t help hoping that they found something rare or exciting. Perhaps it was gold? Guns? Something dangerous? You could never know when it came to the imports of Ketterdam, and for once Inej was glad for the intensity of life in the city. It could very well be something extraordinary.
The catches on the front of the trunk lifted easily, but there was a thick knot of string around the middle as well. Jesper struggled to untie it, so Inej slipped a knife from her sleeve and cut it off with one flick of her wrist. Giving her a mischievous look, Jesper dug his fingernails under the lid and with a crackle of flaking rust, the trunk opened.
On top there was a loose gauzy scarf clearly intended to keep moisture out of the trunk on the long sea voyage, which had definitely served its purpose; the red print had blotted itself onto the inside of the lid, and there were water stains on it where it had protected the rest of the cargo. Matthias and Nina went to grab it at the same time, but it ended up in Nina’s hands regardless as he passed it to her with a shy smile.
“I thought you would want it, so I was making sure no-one else got there first.”
Wylan made an exaggerated gagging noise, and Matthias’ expression quickly reverted to his familiar scowl.
“Aha!”
Jesper reached forward and pulled out two pistols, both only a little rusty and with a single blue gem stamped into the body of each. With impressive speed he turned around and mimed firing two shots at the wall before holstering them beside his favoured revolvers.
As Matthias pulled out a slim soft-covered book, Inej realised that she was far too focused on the discoveries of her friends and was going to miss out on finding her own treasures otherwise. Lifting up two more scarves – this time green and blue – she found another couple of books which she handed to Nina. Her friend’s focus was pulled away from adjusting her hair under her newly matching scarf to flicking through the pages and wrinkling her nose hard.
“I don’t recognise the language, but I can understand it well enough,” Nina mused.
“Where did the boat come in from, Jesper?” Wylan asked as he opened a small wooden keepsake box full of golden rings in varying levels of ornate decoration.
“Kaz didn’t say, and I’ll be honest, I didn’t pay much attention.”
Nina tutted and continued her reading with Matthias peering over her shoulder. With fingers now covered in rings, Wylan pulled out a long fur coat that smelt of mould. Removing its furry cuffs from the case, Inej reached into the trunk for what seemed to be the last item: a big box made of thick card, with a green cover and the word MONOPOLY emblazoned on the top. The lettering was incredibly clear, but it didn’t look as though it had been done by hand or with a printing press. It had an odd shiny feel to the outside as well, like it had been coated in order to keep out the damp.
Inej sat it on the table and lifted the lid. It came off easily, and revealed a large square of that same thick card in bright red that unfolded into a larger board with regular markings on it.
“What in the Saints’ names is that?” Nina remarked, putting down her reading material.
“I have no idea. It was at the bottom of the trunk.”
“Is it a map?” Wylan suggested.
“Doesn’t look like it,” Inej murmured as she put the board down and looked at what was left in the box.
Underneath that map-like object was a tray divided into several compartments, with little silver tokens collected in one, some colourful playing cards of an unknown variety in another, and some appealing little houses done in an unusual material in both green and red. Beside those lay a rack of what looked like currency, in the same shape and thickness as notes of kruge. Jesper immediately started rifling through it all, mixing up the various collections and inspecting them all with irregular attention. Although Wylan slapped his hand away with a tut, it clearly wasn’t out of lack of interest.
“What is it?” Nina asked again. Taking the board in her hands, she began to stumble through the words written on it.
“Collect 200… something, looks like it could be a currency symbol because it says “salary” after that, as you pass GO... Old Kent Road, another amount of money… sixty? Community chest, Whitechapel Road, same amount of money as the other square…”
As she turned it over in her hands, a slim white booklet fell out onto the table. Inej started forward and managed to snatch it up before anyone else did, although the gesture was useless as she immediately handed it to Nina, who skimmed over the first few lines and let out a delighted noise.
“It’s a game! A board game! Seems like you play by going around the board which has place names marked out on it, and you buy up the land so that you can build houses on it. And you compete to earn the most money.”
“Who’s sending weird foreign board games to Ketterdam?” Wylan said incredulously. “Are you sure it’s not got something contraband hidden in there somehow?”
Inej laughed. “Does a game based on financial gain not strike you as the most Kerch thing in the world? I can well believe a mercher bought this to educate their children on the fun of working under Ghezen.”
Wylan cracked a grin at that, and Nina snorted. She pushed the box towards him.
“Take a look if you want.”
He lifted up the tray of items and ran his fingers along the underside, then looked inside each of the little model houses as if there might be gemstones wedged in the base like on Jesper’s guns. Wylan tapped along the top of the board, but there were no hidden compartments or secret openings. It seemed as though they had genuinely come across some kind of entertainment from another country.
“Shall we play it?” Jesper said with a broad grin at everyone. “We’ve got nothing else on, have we?”
“I’m meant to have applied for my sailing license by the end of next week,” Inej said weakly, but she wasn’t much interested in her own excuse. This bizarre-looking game they had stolen by chance had already caught her attention far more than boat permits and crew-hiring documents.
“I’m happy to,” Matthias said, and Nina and Wylan nodded fervently as well.
“Perfect! Let’s not disturb everyone’s things down here, we can take it into another room.”
“Nobody’s bedrooms are big enough,” Nina complained. “Kaz is too cheap to give us enough space to actually enjoy our stay at The House of Brekker.”
“His bedroom is, though.”
Read more here!
#gvbb21#gvbbfic21#a hotel on the board is worth two on the geldstraat#six of crows#six of crows fic#six of crows fanfic#grishaverse big bang#kaz x inej#jesper x wylan#nina x matthias
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The Crow’s Funeral Snippet: Jon Gets Involved In Local Politics, Regrets It
Annabelle, of course, was standing on the other side of the door.
Slightly less obviously, she was dressed in a finely tailored suit, complete with high heels and a gorgeous dripping silver chain-link necklace. Her hair was tied up in an up-do of braids piled neatly on top of her head, and there was even a briefcase.
She looked Jon up and down critically. He was wearing sweatpants and a holey shirt.
“You forgot,” she condemned, “didn’t you?”
“No I didn’t,” Jon said reflexively. He paused. “Forgot what?”
Annabelle pinched the bridge of her nose. Jon noticed that she was even wearing her usual all-black lipstick and winged eyeliner. “The council committee for London I planned for today. Remember? The one with a representative for each Entity?” Jon stared blankly at her. “There was an invite?”
“Oh, that. I don’t check my mail.” Jon looked at Daisy, who was now pressing aggressively against Jon. “Did you open up any mail recently?” Daisy barked. Jon looked back at Annabelle. “She ate it.”
“...of course she did.”
Written for no real reason besides for the fact that I know too much about my own AU and I care about Annabelle. This story takes place both pre- and post- story: six months after Jon enters London, and six months after the events of the story. We talk about childhood/adulthood, stagnancy/growth, good/evil, and the inherent metaphor of a Nintendo DS. Sometimes...found family...is bad.
Rest under the cut.
In the third month, boiling and bubbling over, someone knocked at Jon’s door.
Not the door to his office. The door to his flat, which had a very large ‘EMPLOYEES ONLY’ sign on it, and was always locked. The employees were, granted, Jon and Daisy, but the message was conveyed. Jon saw the sign in stores and copied it, as he copied many aspects of business models. Jon didn’t quite understand how to run a business, but he had read both ‘What they teach you in Harvard Business School’ - whatever a Harvard was - and ‘What they don’t teach you in Harvard Business School’, so he figured he was set. Daisy had also grabbed him a Girl Scout book on starting your own lemonade stand, which helped more than the other two books combined. Harvard Business School could take notes.
Jon rolled off the bed, where he had been downloading knowledge of string games and trying to figure out how to do them. Omniscence was closer to reading an instruction manual than actually knowing how to do something, but at least that left Jon with plenty of time to learn skills. Even if it wasn’t necessarily his favorite activity - he was bad at a lot of them, which would frustrate him and make him wreck the craft. Daisy kept on saying he needed a hobby other than reading but what did she know, anyway -
Daisy, from where she had been sleeping at the foot of the bed, lifted her head and barked sleepily.
“I’ll get them to go away,” Jon promised. Or eat them. Maybe just eat them.
But when Daisy bristled and jumped off the bed, barking heavily, he knew who it was. Jon sighed, hastily shoving a shirt over his head, and undid the three deadbolts before unlocking the door.
Annabelle, of course, was standing on the other side. Slightly less obviously, she was dressed in a finely tailored suit, complete with high heels and a gorgeous dripping silver chain-link necklace. Her hair was tied up in an up-do of braids piled neatly on top of her head, and there was even a briefcase.
She looked Jon up and down critically. He was wearing sweatpants and a holey shirt.
“You forgot,” she condemned, “didn’t you?”
“No I didn’t,” Jon said reflexively. He paused. “Forgot what?”
Annabelle pinched the bridge of her nose. Jon noticed that she was even wearing her usual all-black lipstick and winged eyeliner. “The council committee for London I planned for today. Remember? The one with a representative for each Entity?”
Jon stared blankly at her.
“There was an invite?”
“Oh, that. I don’t check my mail.” Jon looked at Daisy, who was now pressing aggressively against Jon. “Did you open up any mail recently?” Daisy barked. Jon looked back at Annabelle. “She ate it.”
“...of course she did.” Annabelle glanced down at Daisy, whose fur was standing on end as she growled lowly. “Have you had any success?”
“You would have noticed if I did,” Jon said shortly.
“Have you tried talking to -”
“Yes,” Jon snapped, “but apparently some of us have better things to do than attend meetings and cure dogs.”
Annabelle intelligently dropped the matter, instead frowning at Jon. He crossed his arms, fighting the urge to hunch over away from her dark and perceptive stare. But instead of pushing him, she said, “Go get dressed in something a little appropriate, please. You look like you crawled out of the Buried.” Daisy barked, which Annabelle ignored. “What are you doing to your hair?”
Jon hunched defensively. It was a little matted and frizzy, but who was counting? “Daisy can’t exactly shave it anymore, and I don’t really...know what to do with it...am I doing something wrong? I bathe.”
It was very important to Daisy that he bathe and brush his teeth. Jon didn’t know what the big deal was, but if it was important to her then he did it.
Annabelle just pinched the bridge of her nose again, checking her wrist-watch. “Buzzing your hair is a crime against God, and letting your hair look like that is a crime against me. I’ll take care of this later. Just get ready in the next five minutes, or I’m filling your fridge with spiders again.”
Jon got ready in four. Annabelle didn’t joke around with that stuff.
He didn’t really know what a council committee was. He didn’t know why he had to go to one either, seeing as Jon only tended to concern himself with Daisy. Daisy had been taking up a lot of his concern lately. Then his mood had plummeted again, and in the last month they’ve both been recalcitrant to leave the flat for anything but eating, and he was capable of noticing when he was hunting a little vindictively, and - anyway.
He downloaded the knowledge, and then made a face when it didn’t really help. One of those nasty little political things. What was with his fellow Avatars and politics? Just torture anyone who bothers you. If they were one of those freaks who liked being tortured, then just smite them. Life was easy and very simple once you remembered that basic rule.
But Annabelle was really into it - she kept on saying something about ‘order’ and ‘regulation’ and ‘first dibs’ - and she tended to drag him along into these things. She thought it was ‘important’ that Jon ‘know what was going on’ or something. Jon liked Knowing things, but once you know everything you realize that some things aren’t really interesting enough to know.
When he asked Daisy if she wanted to go with, she feigned sleep. She had been hyperactive lately, compensating for her months of starvation with unbridled and frantic Hunting. Jon had taken her to one of those little pockets where people were running around and screaming all the time, and let her run wild in the rainforest for a while. It was the kind of fun bonding experience they hadn’t had in ages, and Jon had the opportunity to pluck his own grapes from the vine too.
There had been an old man who really hadn’t been happy to see Jon, which had freaked him out a bit. He had started going on a little bit about how Jon had ruined his life, but he only got a few sentences in before a giant, carnivorous plant had eaten him. That was lucky.
Jon had ripped the dimension apart as he left. Nasty little place. Nothing good there.
So Jon left the house without Daisy for the first time since she had been well enough to move around, and with Annabelle. Daisy had been waiting at the door with a rucksack packed with his favorite book and his Nintendo DS, which made Annabelle ask her where the juicebox was. Daisy tried to bite her again. Jon didn’t know why everybody couldn’t just get along.
There was a cab waiting outside, driven by another skeleton, and Annabelle quickly bundled him into it. Jon slouched in the corner and started playing WarioWare as Annabelle leafed through typewritten documents, lips pursing and making notes on the margins of each one with a red pen. She was muttering to herself, somewhat entertainingly.
“My fourth arm for a computer, I swear to Jesus. My fourth and fifth arms. My sixth arm for a computer…”
“Are those the internet machines you told me about?” Jon asked, scribbling his stylus on the screen. Ashley cheered him on. He loved Ashley. “Do council committees need the internet?”
“The internet’s for a lot more than council committees Jon,” Annabelle said tightly. “They’re for video games. Ememoharepeegees -”
“Gesundheit.”
“ - bitcoin mining, instant messaging, online dating, freaking Google Docs -”
“Do you want it back?” Jon asked, bored. “I can make you the internet.”
Annabelle’s pen froze on the paper, hovering over a bullet-point list. “The entire internet? You can just do that?”
“Yeah, sure, whatever.” Jon poked his tongue out his mouth in concentration as he pressed the monkeys in a rhythmic order. Rhythm games were his jam. “That’s, like, the pocket nightmare dimension from Tron, right? I can do that. Addictions are easy. Put people inside, trap them inside a video or something. It’d be mostly for torture but you could probably use it normally.”
Annabelle stared at him, expression blank, for so long it made Jon a little uncomfortable and defensive. What had he said wrong? Daisy was usually good at interpreting these things for him, although sometimes when people went on about ‘violence’ she was just as confused as him. Finally, she said, “No, that’s alright. I always hated Black Mirror anyway.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s a telly - never mind. I don’t want you getting any more ideas.”
***
The council committee was held in the stupidest building Jon had ever seen in his entire life. And he had been in London for six months. He knew stupid buildings.
‘London City Hall’ or whatever was this awful giant, lopsided, obloid monstrosity. All glass and windows, with nary a brick in sight, Jon hated it instantly and severely. He was immediately filled with the urge to turn to somebody and commiserate with them about shitty architecture, but there was nobody else in the cab but Annabelle - and, well, she seemed to have other things on her mind.
The neighborhood around it was filled with a mix of equally stupid buildings and perfectly respectable buildings that looked as if they had been made a long time ago. The sidewalks were relatively abandoned, and the streets were empty of everything but the endless rotation of tourist double-decker busses. Jon knew that this wasn’t one of those districts where people actually lived and roamed - instead, it was one of those business districts that people only stepped inside for work or city business. Like that silly little Palace of Westminster building that Annabelle had taken him to months ago when she was showing him the city.
That building Annabelle had especially loved. It was filled with old white men with sagging jowls and liver spots, looping in endless routines and miniature atrocities. Annabelle had asked him to take as many Statements as possible, and Jon had needed no encouraging.
That had been a strange trip. Normally people found his little monologues boring, because they were idiots with no taste, but Annabelle had listened to every single one. She had been enraptured, excited and triumphant. She had dragged him into some “Lord’s Chamber” or something and posed on the throne as Jon obediently took polaroids. Well, so long as she was happy.
Jon was already seeing that London City Hall was no better. Annabelle dragged him through it, anxiously checking and re-checking her files, as they effortlessly weaved between shambling zombies of old white men in suits. Jon tasted the ripe air of trauma from them - a similar taste to that spiralling academic building, but rather a little more tart - but Annabelle dragged him away before he could stop and eat them.
There were parts of London that were safe. Maybe even most of London - although nowhere was truly safe, not really, not every location was absolutely haunted. The grocer’s was the grocer’s; the chemist still sold your medication. Not that you really needed it anymore, but habit was habit.
But some buildings, which were entrenched so firmly in hundreds of years of evil, could not be dissuaded from their nightmares. In that respect, the safest city in the United Kingdom became the most dangerous. Some buildings had been nightmares even before the end of the world.
Jon, of course, gave very little shits about this beyond in the academic sense. Annabelle refused to let him duck out of her meeting to go snack, and she ended up dragging him in front of what looked like a smallish conference room.
Annabelle stopped in front of it, taking a second to breathe in and out and check her makeup. She seemed to be hyping herself up for it, shaking out her arms loosely. Jon slouched behind her, hands jammed in his trenchcoat pockets. Annabelle had asked him to put on a less raggedy suit, but - well, he sometimes had nicer suits, but they got raggedy very quickly. She had also asked him to leave the trenchcoat at home, but no way. It was part of his Look.
“You’re frightened,” Jon noted with interest. Annabelle was scared of less than he was, and she had much less of a reason. “What about this room scares you?”
“It’s not the people in the room,” Annabelle snapped, flashing her compact shut. “It’s what I’m trying to do. If this world’s going to last more than a few years before it devolves into fuckin’ Mad Max we need leadership. I didn’t put all of this work in just to -” At Jon’s blank look, she sighed. “Never mind. You don’t care. Just - try to trust me, Jon.”
“Of course I trust you,” Jon said, baffled. “Why wouldn’t I?”
She stared at him, expression inscrutable, for a long moment, before opening the door and pulling him in.
It was a nice conference room, all wood panelling and that specific green shade you only saw in lawyer’s offices. There was a large rectangular table in the center, and more than a dozen luxurious chairs arranged around it. There was a big pull-down screen on the far wall. Jon didn’t know what it was for, but he knew that if he downloaded the information it wouldn’t help. Omniscence was so useless.
In a move that horrified Annabelle, most of the attendees seemed to be there. They had been chatting - talking, actually, quite loudly - before Annabelle strode in and Jon slumped in after her. But in the second that they both stepped in, an abrupt hush swept the room, and every eye swiveled to them.
If Jon was honest with himself, he’d say that they didn’t quiet when Annabelle stepped in. He’d say that they quieted when Jon stepped in. That it was Jon who they were looking at.
But Jon didn’t particularly feel like engaging with that. He didn’t like being stared at by people he didn’t know, and he didn’t like being out in public with people he didn’t know. He didn’t enjoy being in buildings or meeting new people, much less going to boring meetings. Jon decided all of this instantaneously, as every eye swiveled to him.
Rooms full of humans were fine. It was just humans. Nothing even vaguely intimidating about that, unless the humans were teenage girls. But these were Avatars - Jon could taste their nature in the air, a sharp and electric tingle - and when they stared at Jon he felt something heavier in their gaze. Oh, lord. There was a teenage girl here.
Jon tried slumping to the back chair, but Annabelle grabbed his collar and dumped him in a comfortable chair to her right. Jon saw a little placard in front of it that read ‘THE BEHOLDING’. Great.
“Thank you all for coming today,” Annabelle said crisply, and suddenly every worry was gone. She was calm, poised, confident, and professional. A perfect imitation of the officials and politicians who once really walked these halls, who passed laws and rubber-stamped policies. She could have passed for an assistant or junior staff member, bright and intrepid and ready to climb her way up the ladder. “Are we all accounted for?”
It seemed so. Every chair but one was filled. When Jon peered around at the placards, he saw that each one had a different Entity on it. One of the seats had no placard, and was occupied by said teenage girl. Four were unoccupied: the Spiral, the Slaughter, the Hunt and the Extinction.
Annabelle sat down in the head chair, which seemed just a little fancier. She put her folder in front of her, eyes flickering down the room. “It seems that Helen couldn’t make it. The Hunt duo seem to have...recently met unfortunate ends. The Slaughter Avatar called ahead to say that they couldn’t make it - it was high school picture day? And...I suppose the Extinction Avatar still doesn’t exist.”
She glanced at Jon, who shook his head. “Do you want one?” Jon asked. “I can go find a climate change denier in this building and make one for you.”
That also disturbed Annabelle, as well as everyone else. Jon abruptly felt awkward, and hunched in his seat. He defensively pulled out his DS, his plans to fall asleep in the back of the room already foiled.
Above him, Annabelle continued droning. “Still, I appreciate you all coming. I know that we haven’t all gathered since a bit after the apocalypse began -” Wait, they had? Since when? “ - but I hope we can agree that further coordination is necessary. We’ve already begun having serious territory and jurisdiction disputes, and it’s best that they’re resolved sooner rather than later.” Nobody looked very impressed, but Annabelle looked seriously at them all anyway. “I want us all to have an equal voice at this table. Save the fighting for another time. And please try to keep your powers out of here. I’ve already sworn to avoid using any of my Mother’s gifts in this room, and I hope you all can do the same.”
“Yeah?” A woman drawled. She was unfamiliar to Jon, like most people in the room, but she had a teenage girl sitting next to her who seemed to be paying rapt attention to Annabelle. “How are you going to enforce that?”
Annabelle stared at him for some reason. Jon jabbed at his DS and won the Mona minigame. Nothing more was said.
“Alright, then. I’ve already collected motions from all of you prior to this meeting.” Motions? Annabelle hadn’t said anything like that. Maybe it was on the invitation Daisy ate, but somehow he doubted it. Annabelle looked down and traced her finger down to her first point. “Many of you suggested this, so I would like to introduce it as a general discussion. Territory disputes, apparently, are a point of contention between many of us.” She opened her briefcase and pulled out a large map, and if Jon looked over the top of his DS he could see that it was a map of London. She also pulled out a red marker, uncapping it. The sheet was laminated, and there were already circles and markings all over it. “We’ll go one at a time. Amherst, you’ve motioned that the Stranger is intruding within Camden.”
A foppish looking man on a dumb little top hat scowled, as the young woman sitting behind the Strange placard looked annoyed. “It is gentrification. Every apartment complex occupied by artist studios are stealing food from the plate of my insects.”
“You haven’t had Camden for a decade,” the Stranger woman said, rolling her eyes. The Omniscience informed Jon that her name was Sarah Baldwin. Vaguely familiar - had he seen her at a cafe? “Nobody lives in those rat-infested tenements anymore. Now all the rats are performance art. Which is us. Get over it.”
“What is performance art -”
“Motion for no more Avatars over the age of 40,” Sarah Baldwin said. “I hate how Amherst and Wakely are in this room.”
“I wish I could second that,” Annabelle said, to the great affront of two grimy old men, “but unfortunately we do have to deal with this. Amherst, I’ve heard several complaints from other council members that you’re infiltrating their territory.”
“I am made of bugs -”
Jon checked out after that.
Instead, he surveyed the room a bit. Nobody in it was really interesting, just a meaningless collection of self-important people. The only person in the room other than Annabelle who he recognized was Oliver, who was sitting at the very back doing his best to fall asleep. When Jon Stared at him a bit he took notice and subtly waved. Jon shyly waved back. Jon liked Oliver.
Oliver mouthed something adjacent to ‘what is wrong with your hair’, offending Jon grievously. He didn’t look that bad, did he?
He glanced to his left, then down, to ask Daisy’s opinion, but he realized too late that she hadn’t come with him. Stupid. She could have come as part of the Hunt - they didn’t have anybody, it wasn’t as if they could complain. Not to Jon, anyway.
But she wouldn’t have wanted to. Daisy hated being an Avatar, for reasons that Jon had just never understood. She tried explaining it to him a long time ago, trying to talk about how guilty it made her and how much harm she had done, but it had just confused him more. She had tried to explain up until the end, as Jon had grown more and more angry at her for her refusal. He had never understood.
She had stopped talking about it lately, though. Which was good. Jon didn’t know what he’d do if she starved herself twice. He wouldn’t have tolerated it.
Daisy had told him that the most important thing in the world was to make your own choices. So he let her make hers. No matter how much he hated it.
The others weren’t familiar at all. There was a woman with wild dark hair sitting behind the Dark placard, which confused Jon slightly until he decided that they likely hadn’t wanted to send the thirteen year old. There was this really wrinkly and gross old man for the Vast, a younger looking but older feeling man for the Buried, a deathly pale woman for the Lonely, the muscular woman and the teenager for the Desolation...why did they have two…
The teenager was staring at Jon. She had intense orange eyes, the kind that bored into you and never blinked. She looked away every few seconds, as if she was being subtle, but when her gaze drifted back to him again he met her eyes with an unimpressed stare. She squeaked and looked away firmly, hiding behind her curtain of long red hair.
Okay. Whatever. Kids were weird. Jon was glad he had never been one.
Jon swapped out WarioWare for Pokemon SoulSilver, opening back up where he left off catching another MissingNo. His entire team was full of the things. He wanted a Mareep, damn it.
Finally, Annabelle rapped the table sharply and said, “It’s agreed, then. Everybody submit specific written documentation of your territory by city block, and fax it to me by our next meeting. Please abide by the resolutions to the conflicts we discussed here. Any objections to moving onto our next order of business?”
“I have an objection to the Dark’s questionable behavior,” the Buried guy rumbled. He was dripping dirt everywhere. Why didn’t anybody complain to him about his hygiene? “In the words of the lad Brody, they are kill stealing. If they do not withdraw their nightmares from our embrace of the Earth, we will unleash retribution with extreme prejudice. The dirt is a holy place, and we will not be polluted by -”
“Oh, stick your shovel up your fat ass, Wakely,” the woman with wild black hair said. “People aren’t afraid of the fucking dirt, they’re afraid of the darkness in the tombs. Walk into a mausoleum sometime.”
“You poach the End’s territory now too, wench?”
“Please leave me out of this,” Oliver said.
“If you call me wench one more time, you’ll be watching the back of your eye sockets for eternity,” the woman said pleasantly, “so royally fuck you.”
“Um, not to interrupt, but that’s not really how it works,” the teenager said, and the death glares between the two turned on her. She hunched her shoulders, but her expression stayed firm. “The terror is going to overlap. That’s just how it is. The Buried and the Dark are not entirely...separate things, they’re gradients that overlap. If you get all finicky about what belongs to who, then you’re just going in circles…”
“The last thing we need is the coward Messiah of the Eternal Flame telling me how to worship my god,” the woman snapped.
“Watch your fucking mouth, Manuela,” the muscular woman said flatly.
Then they were glaring, and Wakely was saying something else snide, and Manuela was making another dig at the teenager as the muscular woman bitched, and Jon abruptly wanted them all to shut up.
“You’re being too loud,” Jon said.
The entire room shut up immediately. The teenager opened her mouth, but the pale woman caught her eye and shook her head.
Annabelle clapped her hands in the silence. “Onto the second motion, then! Infrastructure! Right now we are sorely missing a great deal of essential city infrastructure, and it’s becoming a huge problem. We’re still figuring out what’s mystically maintained, and what’s just being maintained because the humans haven’t figured out how to stop doing it yet, but there’s some work that’s being neglected. The Vast has motioned to reinstate the postal system.”
“Vetoed,” the Lonely woman said.
“You can’t do that,” Annabelle said blankly. “We need to vote.”
“I’d like to make an argument for the motion, dear,” the Vast man said, making Annabelle’s eye twitch. “My argument is this: Amazon Prime is so convenient!”
“We have every Amazon warehouse under our control,” the representative from the Flesh said. He was...very fleshy. “It’d be no issue to go back to production.”
“Jared has a point. The Eye’s been feeding through Amazon for years,” Annabelle said thoughtfully. The mention of the Eye piqued Jon’s attention, but then he finally ran into a Mareep and he stopped paying attention again. “We can tap into the people who are living 1984 and get them back in industry.”
“Can we begin producing again?” the Desolation woman asked, interested. “We have all these people miserable at work, but nothing’s actually being made. If we let a little reality break into the nightmares…”
“Wouldn’t that be dangerous?” the Lonely woman asked sharply. “It’ll make it easier for them to escape.”
“They all escape eventually,” Sarah Baldwin said. “They all break out in days to months. We can afford a little more permeability if we actually get things working again.”
Then conversation was off and running about something that Jon didn’t really care about, so he checked out again. He didn’t know what all of this production and infrastructure stuff meant. Going Postal meant that he had a very good understanding of a mail system, but he didn’t have a personal interest. Who he would send letters to?
Jon quickly downloaded what Amazon was. Oh, that would be useful. Wait, he could get any book delivered to his door? Without having to go out hunting for it? How would this work without the internet - a catalogue?
Everybody seemed invested in getting the internet back up, except for the two hundred year olds. Jared kept saying something about porn, whatever that was. If enough people felt like Annabelle, then maybe they would make it a priority. Jon didn’t know how he felt about that.
He didn’t know how he felt about the fact that it was impossible.
But everybody - or most people - genuinely seemed excited about it. They even seemed to be working together, intent on the same goal.
Sarah Baldwin wanted to know if we have enough people constantly under camera to have footage for television. Maybe we could get cable back up? DVDs were a lost cause, but if we could just start airing the VHS tapes…
Annabelle had a look of hook-ups (literally) in the film industry, maybe they could do something like that?
The Hahns are highly involved in production and distribution, Jared pointed out. There was no need to produce food, but if we wanted to increase access to goods it might be possible.
Why? Why did they care? This world provided them everything they needed.
For some reason, Jon felt a little defensive. What did they need all of these things for, anyway? All of this entertainment - cable and movies and internet. The world had books. What was so wrong with books? There were even old VHS tapes liberated from charity stores if you really wanted to get fancy. The most high-tech electronic Jon had ever found was the DS in his hands and a couple of games, which Salasea had given to him as an exotic artifact. Only Salasea owned these things now: trinkets and curiosities, hallmarks of an antiquated time.
What was the point of these supply lines? People didn’t need to eat or shop or consume. Nightmares provided the facsimile, and since they got a little crazy if they never ate they were provided the security of food. Buying towels and shoes and toys...it was a waste of time. People had towels. Nobody outgrew their shoes or wore them out. Children’s toys didn’t break, and anything that made happiness a little easier to come by was discouraged.
Nothing was ever subtracted. Nothing was added. The world was frozen, captured in the amber of time, and it would never move backwards and forwards.
They knew this. Didn’t they?
“We have to make this place livable for us,” Annabelle was saying. She spoke oddly intensely, with a fervor that Jon had seen in her a few times before. Annabelle didn’t like to give off the impression that she cared about things, but once you knew her it was hard to miss. “It’s easier than ever to stay powerful and feed our Forces, but that doesn’t mean we can grow complacent. We have to work together to eat sustainably. To live sustainably. If we don’t try to rebuild, at least enough to get the world moving again, then we’re sentencing ourselves to a boring and decrepit eternity in a world we will all see die within our immortal lifetimes.”
Everyone at the table was nodding. They looked determined. United. Almost...they held an expression that Jon just couldn’t name. An emotion he didn’t understand.
He had seen it in Daisy, once. She had called it hope. He hadn’t understood back then. He still didn’t.
“Liar,” Jon said, as his minigame timed out and the game over music tinkled across the tinny speakers.
Annabelle looked at him, expression inscrutable. “These problems are legitimate, Archivist. The writing’s clearly on the wall, and -”
“You’re all so stupid,” Jon complained, and Annabelle abruptly stopped talking to glare at him. Whatever. Jon had lost all patience. He closed his DS and dropped it on the table, resigning himself to talking. Jon hated public speaking, especially in front of so many people he didn’t know and, frankly, creeped him out. “You can’t build anything in this world. If you try to impose a cute little government then it’ll break down into cannibalism or something.”
“Would you know, Archivist?” Jared asked evenly.
“Jonah didn’t enact this world through myself for living,” Jon said, bored, and everybody stared at him with wide eyes. “We created it for suffering. Suffering isn’t living.”
“One might say the opposite,” the Vast man said, somehow twinkingly. “Suffering is an unavoidable side effect of living, isn’t it?”
“Is that philosophy? I don’t understand philosophy.” Jon wasn’t very good with anything that required extensive and complex thought. Which made sense - Jonah hadn’t exactly created him to think. “Humanity has clouded your minds. Makes all of you irrational and sentimental. Release your attachment to the old world. Just accept the way things are now.” Jon shrugged. “It’s not as if you can do anything about it.”
“Nobody in this room is exactly human, Jon,” Oliver pointed out placidly.
Jon snorted. “Wanting free porn back? You’re all dripping with it.” It was honestly a little sad. “The only ones in this world free of that weakness are Jonah and I. And he’s the only one who could do any of this.”
“Then where is he?” the Desolation woman snapped. She leaned forward, hands gripping the table in anger. The teenager watched her anxiously. “Why doesn’t he come on down from his high tower and explain what’s going on? We’re in the fucking dark here!”
“I’m sorry,” Jon said coldly, “who are you?”
He rubbed his bad hand. For some reason, everybody watched him do so. He stopped, self-conscious.
“Prejudiced remarks aside,” Manuela said. She had been hostile all day, but she now spoke cautiously. “Jonah Magnus needs to take responsibility for this. We don’t even know how the world ended.”
Several people glanced at Annabelle, whose lips thinned. “I shouldn’t say.”
Of course she knew. And of course she wasn’t about to tell him. Whatever. Jon didn’t care. Past was the past.
He found his hand clenching. There was a strange tension in his throat. He didn’t care. He didn’t. Rehashing the worst pain he had ever felt in his life, even now, wasn’t really worth the time or energy. He didn’t care.
“No use crying over spilled milk,” the Vast guy said lightly. “But it is a relevant question. Jonah frequently spoke of his plans, and I realize now that he had never truly shown all of his cards. But he had always held an intention to...well, rule. It’s only in this moment of his victory that he shows no interest.”
“Jonah’s busy,” Jon snapped. “Trust me, you don’t want that arse around. He never even gives me directions, and I’m his right hand.”
“Or his puppet,” Sarah Baldwin muttered.
It was fair. Probably even true. So why did an intense and burning fury shoot through Jon?
“What gives this child the right to dictate us?” Wakely demanded. Jon’s hands clenched on the table until his knuckles turned white. “What gives Jonah Magnus the right to rule us?”
“He’s not much of a ruler,” Amherst grunted. “My vote’s that we rule this world in a council.”
“Administration is important,” Annabelle said, impossibly terse, “but unless anyone here actually has the means to seize control, then there’s no use voting on it.”
“There’s only one Avatar here who has those means,” Manuela said darkly, crossing her arms and looking straight at Jon. “So why doesn’t he do anything?”
They were feeding on each other. They wouldn’t have said these - these treasonous things by themselves. But when one person spoke up, the next felt empowered, and they felt as if they outnumbered him. Jonah Magnus was hardly there to press him into obedience - why buckle under his oppressive gaze? What could he do?
The stupidest people in this world all gathered in one room. It took a special level of arrogance, pride, and stupidity to assume that one was more powerful than Jonah Magnus.
“I’m not in charge of anything,” Jon said tersely. “I don’t even have a domain. I’m just trying to live my life.”
The Desolation woman snorted. “Typical. You’re rolling over for Jonah.”
Jon’s eyes widened - not in surprise, but in anger.
The teenager seemed a little uncomfortable. “Jude,” she hissed, “I don’t think -”
“Jude,” Jon breathed. “So that’s your name.”
He was standing up. Jon didn’t remember standing up. Everybody was leaning away, their own eyes wide. Some just looked confused, slightly perturbed - Wakely, Amherst. Others looked ready to bolt - Manuela, the old man from the Vast. Jon knew, in a flash of insight that grew hotter and hotter, that he preferred to be called Simon.
“Sit down, Jon,” Annabelle said, as authoritative and no-nonsense as ever. Normally he’d listen to her, respecting that she usually knew what was going on far better than he ever did. But the words barely reached him, drowned out by the rushing in his ears. “Look, we can talk about this rationally, alright?”
“Oh, fuck off,” Jude said. She snorted, burning red eyes never leaving Jon’s. “As if I’m scared of this baby prick.”
“Maybe we can move on from Jonah Magnus,” Simon said quickly. “A discussion of airspace rights, perhaps -”
“Jon,” Oliver said, voice creased in worry, “are you okay?”
“This is the all-powerful demigod you all warned me about?” Amherst said. He was dripping with condescension, just like - just like everyone else - “He’s little more than a child.”
“Guys!” the teenager’s voice rang through the room, close to scared. “The walls are melting!”
So they were. It was as if the stone and wood was made of wax, sent guttering by a sputtering candle. Wood and finish were already pooling on the floor, melting the rolling wheel of Jared’s chair and forcing him to jump up from it.
“Jon!” Annabelle said sharply. “Don’t throw a tantr -”
The table cracked sharply. It was warping, twisting in on itself as if it was a wrung towel. Jon realized, too late to care, that his hair was rising. He knew his eyes were spinning, an eternal churning wheel.
“Fuck this, meeting adjourned.” Manuela stood up sharply, pushing her chair back into a melting bubble. The floor was beginning to bubble and warp. “See you all next month.”
“I’ll walk you out,” Simon said quickly, standing up too.
“You have two minutes,” Jon said, voice heavy with static. “Don’t bother me about this shit again.”
The signal was clear enough. Jude rose from her chair, grabbing her teenager’s elbow and pushing her out the door. The others followed in their wake, expressions carefully neutral. It was useless: Jon could taste their fear, their trepidation. Even better: their anger, barely brindled fury, and disgust.
They couldn’t do anything about it, Jon thought giddily. No matter how much they hated or were scared of him, they couldn’t do anything about it. Jon was powerful. Jon couldn’t be hurt. Jon couldn’t -
Jon couldn’t reign this in.
Before he knew it, the conference room was empty. Only two other people remained: Annabelle, expression as inscrutable as ever, and an uncomfortable Oliver. His hands were stuck in the pockets of his pea coat, and he was looking around with disaffected interest - as if he was standing in line at a Starbucks in rush hour instead of in the epicenter of a melting building.
Jon knew. The entire building was dissolving. It was teeming with humans, lost and trapped and defenseless. He didn’t want to kill them. Jon didn’t like hurting people. He heard a voice speak in his head, foreign and familiar. Bring it in, Jon.
But he couldn’t. His hair would fall back around his shoulders, and the static rushing through his ears just wouldn’t abate. It felt like everything was pouring out of him, a relentless faucet that wouldn’t stop churning out thick streams of putrid water.
Jon fisted his hands in his hair, groaning. “Where’s -”
“She’s at your flat,” Annabelle said calmly. “Do you want me to get her?”
No. No, this was too embarrassing. He was an adult, he could handle this. Jon groaned again and sank into his seat, saved from the toxic waste of glass and brick. “No. Focus on getting the humans out of here.”
“What do you care?” Oliver asked, vaguely curious. “You don’t seem that fond of humanity.”
“Just do it!” Jon snapped, instead of admitting that he didn’t know either.
Eventually, the room stopped melting. Jon didn’t even want to think about how difficult it would be to leave the building. He could probably straighten out the hallways just enough to help Annabelle and Oliver get out.
Ugh. This place had sunk straight into Helen’s domain. He could taste it in the air: any future human who wandered in would be stuck in an endless spiral of twisted, melted hallways. Probably flavored with...powerlessness and fear. Feeling very small, as someone very large loomed down on you. Tories.
At least he hadn’t sucked flattened the building into one plane again, robbing it of all spiritual and metaphysical dimensions. Jon had done that to a graveyard once. The place was putrid now. He had accidentally fallen into a grave and panicked and - anyway.
He rested his forehead on the warped and splintered conference table, waiting for his throat to open back up and the rushing in his ears to die down. Finally, after what felt like forever, his hair floated back down and he felt his eyes resume their normal shape.
Awkward silence loomed. Jon sighed. “Sorry.”
“I worked hard to arrange this, you know,” Annabelle said.
“Yeah.”
“I am not happy with you, Jon,” Annabelle said.
“Sorry,” Jon said miserably. “I didn’t mean to.”
“I mean,” Oliver said, after a beat, “that’s kind of terrifying. That you can melt a building on accident. Like, what would happen if you got really pissed at Manchester or something?”
“Goodbye, Manchester,” Annabelle muttered.
Jon lifted his head, glaring blearily at Oliver. “If you think that’s crazy, you should have been there the one time I opened up an extradimensional gate and unleashed nightmare terrors into the world, rendering all of humanity immortal and eternally trapped in endless infernal hellscapes.”
Oliver shrugged, conceding the point.
But Annabelle just looked thoughtful. Probably reworking five billion plans, knowing her. Jon didn’t want to know, because he didn’t care. Let her do whatever she wanted. None of his business. Hopefully, after this disaster, she’d keep it out of his business.
Finally, she asked, “Was that true? That there’s no moving us forward?”
Jon sighed. He really didn’t want to talk about this anymore. But if he didn’t tell her then she’d just bug him about it later, or find some way to get the information out of him that would be both convoluted and unpleasant. “I’m not saying that people can’t...live their lives. They’re obviously still going to work and typing in every digit of pi into their spreadsheets for eight hours and then going home to stare, hypnotized, into cable television. But I am saying that there’s no achieving more than that. There’s no going backwards, and there’s no going forwards. The past is closed to us, and so is the future.” He eyed her warily. “If you have any cute time travel ideas, forget it.”
“I would never,” Annabelle said innocently.
Yeah, sure. Liar. Jon scowled. “You’re all hampered by your humanity.” When Oliver opened his mouth, Jon just shook his head. “Even Avatars are still people. We’re all conduits for eldritch Forces, hollowed out to serve as a live wire for their power, but we - you all remember a human life. You care about things. You have relationships. You love. It makes you weak. Some of you don’t even like your lot in life - some part of you aching for something familiar, when you felt genuine happiness instead of the cheap facsimile induced by causing pain.” Jon looked down at his hands, reflexively picking at one of his many scars. “You should be more like me. You’d be more focused.”
“Are you capable of...changing, Jon?” Oliver asked curiously. “Or will you be this way forever?”
“Most of Annabelle’s plans hinge on that not happening,” Jon said, not even aware it was true until he said it, “so I suppose we’ll find out.”
Of course, Jon knew what Oliver had tactfully not said. He had wanted to know if Jon would ever grow up. They all thought he was a child, even Annabelle. Jon had the feeling even Daisy did, sometimes.
It was stupid and they were wrong. Child would imply adult, would imply birthday parties and learning to talk and learning geography. Jon didn’t have to learn geography. He knew geography. He didn’t age. He was born being able to talk. Jon was above all of these things. He was mature. And even if he wasn’t, who cared?
But Annabelle just smiled at Jon, a polite mask. Annabelle hadn’t made a genuine facial expression in - well, longer than Jon’s memory. Or maybe that was the wrong way to put it. Maybe it was more accurate that she never expressed an emotion that she didn’t mean to. “Well! That wasn’t entirely a disaster, was it? I think next time could go really well. Don’t worry, Jon, I won’t drag you out of bed again.” She propped her hands on her hips. “Now, the three of us are going back to your flat and doing something about your awful rat’s nest.”
Oh, lord. This was going to be terrible. “Do we have to?” Jon whined.
Annabelle smiled again, but this time it was so dangerous that Jon couldn’t help but quail. “My spiders are collecting the avocado oil and coconut oil now. My best friend in secondary had 3C hair too, I think I know what to do. Oliver, bring the buzzer, scissors, and satin wraps.”
“Three cee?” Jon asked, confused. “What’s that?”
Oliver grimaced. “Why am I involved in this?”
“Because I don’t know what to do with a guy’s hair, and you’re probably the only guy I’ve ever met who knows what to do with hair? Keep up.”
“I’m feeling pigeonholed, but fine. But we are not buzzing that hair. It’s a crime against god.” Oliver looked thoughtful for a second. “I think Jon would do a nice, loose afro. I think I still have some hair masks and vinegar rinse -”
“Why is this so complicated?” Jon asked, completely freaked out. “What are these things?”
But Annabelle just smiled sweetly at him, reaching out and squeezing his shoulder. “Don’t worry, Jon. I’ll teach you what you need to know.”
Well. It seemed easier than figuring things out for himself. Jon didn’t like responsibility. Today was his first taste of responsibility in ages, and he had already decided that it sucked. Better to let somebody who actually cared take care of it.
That way, he didn’t have to be powerful. Didn’t have to be anybody’s demigod on Earth, capable of murdering whoever he liked. He could just be Jon, Private Detective, Archivist. He could have fun. Just live. Didn’t he deserve that, despite everything?
He stood up too, summoning a shaky smile for Annabelle. “So you aren’t mad about me ruining your meeting, then?”
“Water under the bridge,” Annabelle said. “Now come on, we have to stop by the chemist’s and pick up a decent hairbrush.”
Hairbrush? What was that for?
****
Six months after time resumed its course
Jon opened his mailbox, only to find mail.
Suspicion immediately loomed. Jon didn’t get mail. Not due to any kind of impossibility, but just because he didn’t pay bills and none of the mimic junk mail was brave enough to try their luck with him. Maybe invoices, sometimes, but mostly those were dropped off in person. The invoices were scarier than the finger-biting mimics: he still didn’t quite know how they worked. Sasha kept insisting they were important, but Sasha also insisted face masks were important. She didn’t know everything. That was Jon’s job.
He grabbed the singular envelope anyway, elbowing his door back open as he inspected the envelope. Thick, rich, and creamy, it reminded Jon uncomfortably of Annabelle’s party invite from a while ago. In the front, he saw that it was addressed to...Agnes?
The living room was noisy and busy, entirely due to the recipient of the letter and her brother. They were playing Mario Kart on the Wii, and apparently disowning each other. Jon watched Agnes hit Gerry with a blue shell, slightly bemused, and saw Dry Bones spin out into the center and make a pitiful noise. Baby Peach loomed supreme.
Jon almost felt bad interrupting. An opened bag of chips scattered dust around Gerry, and Agnes had a half-empty pack of uncooked hot dogs next to her. They had both been at this for a while. “Agnes, you got a letter. And try to keep it down, Sasha’s working and Daisy’s sleeping.”
Agnes turned around, half a hot dog hanging out of her mouth like a cigar. She swallowed it quickly, holding out one hand and letting Jon give her the letter. She frowned down at the front, ignoring the way Gerry craned his head to take a look, and when she checked the back she frowned deeper. There was a wax seal, its details out of sight to Jon.
“Is it that time already?” Agnes muttered, putting her controller down and letting the parade lap on the screen continue.
Gerry frowned too as Agnes carefully broke the seal. “Is that from…?”
“Yeah. Weird, though. Guess it’s about time for the follow-up to the emergency meeting.” She pulled a letter out of the envelope, embossed on creamy paper. She scanned it quickly. “Downing street this time…”
“Are you going to go?”
“Well, it’s not as if Jude can,” Agnes said diplomatically, refolding the paper.
Jon cleared his throat, making the kids jump. They had half-forgotten he was there. Far too late, Agnes hid the invite behind her back. “Care to explain?”
“Oh, you know,” Agnes said vaguely, casually tossing the invite behind her shoulder and letting Gerry snatch it out of midair. “It’s the invite to the Avatar council meetings. I think they’re held once every three months, but since months are a theoretical concept it’s occasionally hard to tell..”
“Not these days,” Gerry said excitedly. “It’s cold! The leaves fell!”
“The leaf thing is dope,” Agnes agreed. “Anyway, I should go. I have, like, serious words. I already submitted ten motions. I want to run for Treasurer, but Jared keeps saying that anybody who isn’t old enough to open her own bank account shouldn’t be treasurer.”
“What on Earth are you talking about?” Jon asked blankly. Was this some kind of youth league? Baseball? Was this baseball?
Abruptly, Agnes looked very sketchy. “I...it’s really nothing you’d be interested in.”
“I am interested in everything,” Jon said. He was offended beyond all belief. “Don’t keep secrets!”
“Jon’s not a big fan of secrets,” Gerry stage-whispered. “Did Annabelle say that we shouldn’t tell him or did she just say not to bother him about it?”
Agnes abruptly started sweating wax. “I can’t remember.”
“Now you have to tell me,” Jon said flatly.
They gave up very quickly. Teenagers loved hiding things, but they also loved drama and spilling secrets. “It’s the Avatar council meeting thing,” Gerry said eagerly. “You know, where you guys all get together and re-enact the British empire by making government decisions and imposing made-up laws on the people you’ve conquered and are currently subjugating under your big stompy boots?”
“I’m changing the system from the inside,” Agnes said proudly.
Gerry shot her an unimpressed look. “Okay. Yeah. Sure. Because that’s a thing that makes sense in an inherently corrupt system with an inherently unethical existence that exists to be profitable at the expense of the marginalized.”
“I don’t understand anything children these days even talk about,” Jon said.
“I’m surprised you don’t remember it,” Agnes said to Jon. But she had a strange expression on her face, one hard to decipher. “It’s where we met.”
Jon stared at her blankly. “I don’t remember talking to you.”
“I was sitting next to Jude?” Agnes hinted. “Teenager? Red hair?”
Wait. Jon snapped his fingers. “Annabelle’s idiot thing! Right! Right, of course, Oliver made me sit still for five hours afterwards, it was insufferable.”
Wait. Jon abruptly remembered the rest of that day. It seemed like so long ago, even though it was probably objectively only about three years. It must have been about...yes, a few months after Daisy had gotten stuck...
He barely remembered those tepid and awful months. He had been on a bit of a hair trigger back then. It had been really tough, with Daisy leaving and his terrifying encounter with Jonah. He remembered everybody had been annoying and mean and made him feel bad…
“First time I ever remember feeling fear, honestly,” Agnes said to Gerry. “Scariest moment of my life. Remember when we first met Jon? All I could think about was that he was going to melt us like he melted that building.”
Hot shame flared in Jon’s gut. Right. Other people were real, and existed, and were probably more important than his...what had he even been upset about? He didn’t remember.
He melted a building and he didn’t even remember why.
“I’m going too,” Jon said, and both kids startled. “I’m coming with you.”
Agnes and Gerry stared at each other with wide eyes.
“Uh,” Agnes said finally, hesitant, “there’s about a 50/50 chance Annabelle said not to tell you about this, and you definitely didn’t get an invite, so statistically you probably aren’t -”
“She can’t exactly stop me from coming,” Jon said, and both kids quieted.
Power-tripping had lost all appeal for Jon - assuming role as a conduit for global and absolute power did that to you - but he couldn’t deny it was useful sometimes. The world probably could have stood a little more power-tripping from him, actually. At least, it would have been helpful if he had ever done anything helpful with it. But he had never really bothered.
But Agnes still looked perturbed, almost worried. “Annabelle’s like one of two people you used to ever listen to, so if you don’t really care what she thinks anymore -”
“I think Annnabelle knows better than to complain these days,” Jon said.
It probably was for the best that Jon didn’t listen much to Annabelle anymore.
****
Jon hadn’t really told the others about Annabelle’s worse-than-murder attempt.
It didn’t really seem like any of their business, and he had spinned a vague explanation of how the situation happened. He didn’t lie, just - withheld information.
For the first time, the truth didn’t seem so important. He had the feeling it would have just upset them. It wasn’t as if he would take revenge against Annabelle. The world needed her, and Jon was a little tired of murdering everyone who upset him. The others (Daisy) would insist on the little murder attempts if they knew, but that was probably part of why he didn’t tell them. If they never knew about the one unselfish thing he had done in his life - well, one unselfish thing didn’t make up for three years of selfishness, so there was very little point.
Martin suspected. Actually, Martin seemed to know, which terrified Jon slightly. It was impossible to get anything past Martin. Jon was deeply intimidated by the man. Sasha laughed very long and hard when he told her that, for unknown reasons.
Besides, it wasn’t as if he felt betrayed. Even if the last time he had attended one of Annabelle’s little council meetings he still trusted her, that had faded quickly in favor of complete apathy. Even then, as young as he was, he had never expected the truth from her. Just friendship. Whatever she was doing, it probably wouldn’t affect him, so there was no use in worrying. Even if Annabelle slightly terrorized every other person in the United Kingdom - well, Jon was fine, so what did it matter.
Jon couldn’t decide if he was stupid or naive. Or, even worse - if he was just lazy.
Jon didn’t listen to Annabelle anymore.
Unfortunately, he still listened to Sasha James.
Two weeks later, the date of the actual meeting, Jon was stuck explaining himself to his entire house, who doubted all of his decisions. Which was just unfair. Jon made good decisions! He had made tons of good decisions, like -
Anyway!
“I think it’s a great idea,” Sasha said, freaking out Jon. “Displaying interest in your local government’s fantastic! Did you do any research on the relevant issues?”
Jon, in the middle of pulling on his trenchcoat, started sweating. “I was just planning on showing up.”
Agnes, who was wearing a gauzy skirt and blouse as Daisy helped a whining Gerry with his court buttons, gave Sasha the thumbs up. “I’m going to propose motions and Jon’s going to say ‘yeah what she said’ and it’ll be great.”
Jon let Agnes believe that.
“Well, you’ll have to share Jon’s political weight,” Sasha said cheerfully. She was in sweatpants and one of Jon’s pilfered t-shirts again. She had recently designated herself a writer, and had joined some sort of recent artist and activist collective where they did mysterious things that Jon didn’t understand. There’s a zine involved? Jon didn’t know what a zine was and he was scared to ask.
Georgie and Melanie had spent a week teaching Jon in laborious detail what exactly the internet was - information Jon could have just downloaded, but they had been intent in their mission of creating ‘the perfect internet’ and had gone through great effort in teaching him what the ‘good’ internet was (Ravelry, Spotify, r/HobbyDrama, YouTubers but only a very specific list) and what the ‘bad’ internet was (social media, the rest of Reddit, every other YouTuber). Jon wasn’t sure if the new internet was to their specifications, and he hadn’t quite been able to avoid parts of it spiralling into nightmare dimensions and hellish breeding grounds for violence and trauma, but Melanie assured him that Twitter had always been like that.
Jon also secretly added a nightmare filter to Melanie’s screen reader, after he made sure every inch of it was accessible, after he roughly recreated screen readers. Melanie said that the voice sounded uncannily like the aunt she had hated, but that it was no big deal.
Anyway, Sasha was a blogger now. After a few meltdowns to Sasha’s computer he had to install a nightmare filter for her too, which made her complain about feeling like an old woman whose grandson had to install AdBlock on her browser. Jon was a little scared of the whole blogging thing, but everybody seemed much happier, so maybe that was the important thing.
“Wait,” Jon said, finally recognizing what Sasha said. “Share with who?”
There was a knock on the door. Jon felt intense fear.
“She’s here!” Sasha said cheerfully. “Come in!”
Jon watched in horror as Basira Hussain casually strode into her house. He knew he couldn’t stop her. She had a key to the place, because Jon had no control of his life.
“Hey honey,” Basira said, intimately.
“Hey honey,” Daisy said lovingly, releasing Gerry from her clutches.
They stared at each other, as if this was any kind of greeting whatsoever, before ignoring each other. Jon did not understand so many things.
Basira, terrifyingly, was dressed like she was about to go defend her client in court. She had a briefcase, and Jon recognized her most important looking crimson hijab. Very abruptly, Jon had a flashback to the way Annabelle had dressed when she had picked him up in his old office. They even had the same expression: determined and resolute, in a way that Jon could never understand.
Basira nodded at Jon. “Hey. Sasha invited me to this thing. She told you I was coming, right.”
“She did not.”
“Whatever. Are we going to get going? We’re going to be late.”
Jon looked at Sasha pleadingly. Cold and resolute stone, Sasha showed no mercy. She smiled brightly, giving Agnes a final hug and pushing her forward. “You kids have a great time! Terrorize the bourgeoisie!”
“I am the bourgeoisie,” Jon said blankly, but the situation had already spiraled out of his control. Agnes and Basira were already comparing lists of notes, seriously discussing the motions Agnes had raised and how she was going to help Basira.
That was it – how Agnes could help Basira. How Agnes, and the role she had in the council hall, could help Basira and the people Jon knew that she intended on representing today.
They hadn’t even looped him in. Had they assumed that he wouldn’t care? That he wouldn’t help? Agnes hadn’t even wanted him there. Only Sasha -
He felt a cool, small hand grab his arm, and he turned around to see Daisy. Gerry was already enthusiastically capturing Sasha about the concert he and Agnes were going to later, and Jon knew that they weren’t listening. Daisy’s expression was somber, her body tense. Daisy wasn’t one for facial expressions at the best of times – not even a new development – but something about this…
“I should go with you,” Daisy said.
“I already told you no,” Jon said, miffed. “I can handle this by myself.”
“I shouldn’t have let you go by yourself last time,” Daisy said. Jon could admit that things probably wouldn’t have spiraled out of control if she had been there, but that didn’t mean – “Don’t terrify yourself just because you feel guilty.”
Daisy hadn’t aged any more than the rest of the world had. As an Avatar, she likely never would. She even looked young for her mid-forties, with her short stature and broad, unlined face. Sasha had assured him that she was ‘Kristen Bell-ish’, whatever that meant. But she always seemed so old to him: larger than life and not even reaching his shoulders. Wise and world-weary even when, as Jon was beginning to see, she didn’t know what she was doing any more than the rest of them did.
It scared Jon, almost: if Daisy wasn’t the person who could swoop in and make it all better, then who could?
If Jonah wasn’t the omnipresent god, then who was the most powerful person in the world?
Jon shook her off, fighting the pull in his gut. “I’m not scared of them anymore.”
She didn’t look impressed. “You’re always scared.”
“Look at the time, going to be late, gotta go!”
He still couldn’t win an argument against her.
They took a taxi there, as Jon had cheerfully informed them that the Tube was delayed due to infernal leaves on the line (Work-from-home was the hot new thing these days). Basira was clearly on edge, tense and constantly keeping an eye on the taxi driver (a friendly skeleton) and the street. Agnes wasn’t any more relaxed, reading her notes over and over.
Jon leaned back in his plush seat, closing his eyes. What would Martin say? He would probably be cuttingly pointing out how Jon was in denial over how he really was secretly afraid of the Avatars and now it was even more dangerous because he was much more willing to power-trip.
Forget about what Jon wanted. Forget about his fear, his insecurities, and every rationale he had constructed for himself as to why Jon deserved a life free of these worries.
Jon was above politics. The Avatar with no need to defend their territory, who held no fear of death or failure, had no need. Jon could not lose the affection of his patron. His domain was the world, and it could not be attacked no matter how hard he tried. Jon was not a politician, so of course that meant he could not be manipulated by politicians -
“What’s your plan,” Jon asked, without opening his eyes.
They told him. Basira was clinical; Agnes excited. Jon didn’t say anything about it, and let the conversation die down until the taxi was rolling in front of 10 Downing Street. Didn’t the prime minister live here? Boris...something? Jon quickly downloaded the information, before he found that Boris Johnson had been the world’s most convoluted psy-op by Annabelle and had never exactly existed. Thank goodness.
Right as the taxi idled in front of the building, Jon opened his eyes. He let them flare up, an intimidating spark of toxic green. “You two follow my lead.”
“Excuse me,” Basira said flatly, as Jon waved at the driver in lieu of payment. He hadn’t found out that you were supposed to pay taxi drivers until...a few months ago. In his defense, they never asked. “This is our operation.”
Jon glanced at her, and something relaxed around the corners of her eyes. He wondered if his expression was familiar to her. He couldn’t help but smile weakly, and that softened her expression even more. “Will you trust me?”
Basira stared at him for one long beat, then two, before grimacing. “Don’t make me regret this.”
“Do I usually make you regret it?”
“Literally, every single time,” Basira said.
“Then it’s a pretty stupid decision to trust me again,” Jon pointed out. “You don’t seem the type to make stupid decisions.”
Basira stared at him for a long moment, before leaving the car.
Jon and Agnes silently watched her leave, before glancing at each other.
“And I thought you ran from your feelings,” Agnes said finally, before following her.
Jon, left with nothing else to do, followed Agnes.
10 Downing Street, Jon quickly found, was just like every other pretentious old British home. With lots of grandiose rooms with furniture shoved into corners so everybody could appreciate the gold-plated tile, or sitting rooms with the most uncomfortable places to sit Jon had ever seen. Each wall hosted gigantic portraits of famous British figures, who were all so ugly that Agnes incinerated one for fun. Jon respected her choices: he had been wearing a stupid wig.
Jon, unfortunately instinctively aware of the layout and history of this sordid place, led them through the halls. He opened his mouth, instinctively about to funnel a Statement regarding the decades of human suffering and imperialism, before forcing his mouth closed. Basira wouldn’t appreciate it. Besides, the Statements had been easier to ignore lately - like curious dogs nosing at his hands rather than insistent children demanding to be fed.
Instead, he settled on casually updating them on the choice of location. “A year ago, this location wouldn’t have been safe for Basira at all. This building was a nightmare pit of despair.” He led them up the ridiculous flights of stairs watching carefully as Agnes jumped up them. Trick steps, you know. Basira proceeded far more cautiously. “It’s...no less a nightmare pit, but like the rest of London it’s now safe to navigate. I’d keep clear of the residential rooms, however. The Prime Minister and his family haven’t escaped their nightmares since the apocalypse, and they never will.”
Basira’s eyebrows skyrocketed up. “David Cameron’s stuck in hell? No surprise there. What’s he having a nightmare about?”
“Well, there’s this pig, right, and you’ll never guess what he’s doing -”
“Never mind,” Basira said quickly. “Not interested.”
“I’m interested,” Agnes said.
“I’d rather you weren’t.”
Jon, who also wished he didn’t know this information, quickly directed them towards the conference room.
But he found himself stopping in front of the intricately carved oak double doors. The wrought golden handles were grimy and dull with dust, but Agnes and Basira did not hesitate to open the door and walk in. They didn’t hesitate; they weren’t frightened. Or, if they were, they didn’t let it stop them.
But Jon stopped. He felt like Annabelle, in that moment. Annabelle, standing in front of that conference room door so long ago, unable to admit that she felt any fear at all.
She had been desperate. Jon saw that now. Only a desperate person would have ever concocted that plan against Jon. He was the sole person capable of murder in this world, and the sole person who was so vindictive and petty that he would kill anybody who said something that he didn’t like.
Annabelle was arrogant. She thought herself the most intelligent person in every room. She was petty, manipulative, and power-hungry. She thought that the world was so broken that somebody had to fix it, and that she was the only one who could. She was desperate.
Jon didn’t particularly want to do this. But Jon really, really had to grow up.
Jon opened the door.
It was a far cry from the nice, professional conference room in City Hall. The floor was some ugly light brown hardwood color, and the walls were tudor-like and panelled. Old man ribboned curtains, an intricate rug woven from human rights abuses, and a claw-foot long conference table with an array of chairs made up an incredibly ‘antique’ room. The British found ‘antique’ and ‘wealth signalling’ to be the same thing. It made for some very ugly buildings and very uncomfortable chairs.
Nobody else had entered yet. Jon checked the time with his extradimensional psychic powers and realized that Sasha had hustled them out the door fifteen minutes earlier than necessary. She was so intelligent.
Agnes was already moving to her uncomfortable seat, and Jon tapped Basira on the arm and silently pointed to the seat with the ‘EXTINCTION’ placard. She raised an eyebrow at him, but followed his direction. Maybe that was what her trust looked like.
There was a placard stamped ‘BEHOLDING’ in big letters. Gone unoccupied since the last time Jon had been here.
He ignored it, and sat down at the head of the table. Likely where Annabelle usually sat, as director of the meetings. Historically, where the leader of Britain had once sat and directed the affairs of the country.
Jon kicked up his heels on the polished antique wood, pulling up an episode of The Twilight Zone in his brain. He identified with Rod Serling.
The other Avatars filtered in, one by one. All of their eyes widened when they saw Jon, but none of them said anything. Jon wondered what had filtered through the Avatar grapevine. They always knew all of the gossip on each other. It was impossible to miss the Earth’s paradigm shift, and Agnes mentioned that they had convened an emergency meeting on it. Doubtlessly, his name had come up. They likely knew he was the instigator. Who else could?
Annabelle was the fourth in, as fashionably on time as usual. She was the only one who stopped in her tracks when she saw Jon. A surprise, to a woman unused to surprises. Jon’s house didn’t have insect problems.
Her eyes widened. Her jaw clenched. That was all it took. And Jon Knew, in the way that he Knew things, that she was wondering if this was when he finally killed her.
She didn’t know why she was still alive. It was stressing her out. It was a move that made no sense - an unforeseen reaction. Jon was predictable. When Jon wasn’t predictable, and when Jon’s actions weren’t being very precisely controlled, then she was left with a vindictive and irreverent steam train on her hands. She hadn’t predicted his presence here.
Jon was also sitting in her chair. Scuffing the wood. Leaning back in the chair, and definitely scuffing the floor too.
He pointed to the chair at his right, with a placard that now read ‘WEB’. Annabelle sat down in it. Everybody noticed.
Everybody also noticed Basira. She was receiving some glares, or some pointedly unwelcome expressions. But Basira’s glares and unwelcome expressions were more powerful than any demon could ever offer, and one by one each Avatar looked away in shame.
Only Oliver actually talked to him. Which made sense, as Oliver feared neither life nor death. When he walked in he was just as surprised to see Jon as everyone else, but he offered Jon a smile too. Jon smiled back, which made several of the other Avatars lean back.
“Hey, Archivist. I thought you hated these things.”
“I do!” Jon said cheerfully. “I wasn’t even invited.”
Annabelle busied herself with her notes and agenda.
As usual, Helen didn’t show up. Jon waited patiently for everybody to filter in. Sarah Baldwin didn’t show up either, and Jon searched for the information before realizing that he really didn’t want to know. He saw some other new faces, as well as some faintly familiar ones. It wasn’t that strange: no position of absolute power was forever. Where was that bloke Wakely?
Wait. He was the Avatar who had talked for too long about burying people alive at a party in a ridiculous skyscraper. He had upset Daisy. Jon had seen red and lost his temper. Jon had...tossed him over the side of the roof. Let him keep falling. Left him to waste away. He was probably gone now.
The entire room had been at that party. Whoops.
Now uncomfortably reminded that Jon had murdered two people at this table, that everybody was aware of that, and that Jon had completely forgotten about one of the semi-accidental murders because, in Sasha’s words, he was “a bit of a psychopath, what the hell”.
This distressed her, because apparently Jonathan Sims had always been a “sensitive boy” with a “tender heart”. Daisy had said that he was still a sensitive boy, just prone to power-tripping. Sasha said that this was also very consistent behavior. Martin said -
Martin said that Jonathan Sims had been a good person. And, more importantly, that Jonathan Sims had wanted to be a good person. That was one thing that Jon didn’t want to change.
Who just buried people alive -
Jon waited until everyone was settled down. Nobody was chatting or talking to each other: just sitting silently, avoiding eye contact.
He could see Annabelle preparing herself to say something. Better get this ball rolling, then.
“Jonah Magnus is dead.”
The silence suddenly became oppressive.
Jon didn’t stop to savor the looks on their faces. That wasn’t the point. Enjoying this wasn’t the point. Jon had all the power he wanted and - and he didn’t want it at all. He hoped that nobody here would make him have to prove it.
Jon did not want to melt anyone. He wasn’t going to melt anyone. Life had started feeling a little valuable lately. These people, the soulless demons surrounding him, weren’t any different than he was. Humans with delusions of grandeur. Infighting and power plays weren’t going to fix it.
But Annabelle had been right, as she always was. Jon couldn’t keep ignoring this. If he could do something, he had to. Even if it was something he didn’t like doing.
Or something he hated that he enjoyed doing.
“Jonah Magnus is dead,” Jon repeated pleasantly. “The world has changed. These two events are related, of course.”
He didn’t elaborate. Jon didn’t lie, but he didn’t have to say everything.
“The chains which bind this Earth have loosened,” Jon continued. He folded his hands over his stomach, relaxed and casual. “We now exist in the third age of life. I ask that you do not resist.
“The seasons have begun to change, our eternal placid summer ripening into fall and sinking into winter. Our world turns yet again. Babies are born, grow old, and die. The apocalypse as we’ve always known was rooted in its stagnancy. Life and growth has bloomed, and will continue to subsist. Change is once again thriving, and we must adapt with it.
“You’ve noticed that your power has weakened. You will have to fight harder than ever to maintain your food supplies. What was once a conquest is now a battleground. The playing field is far from even, but the enemy and harvest now have a fighting chance.” Jon smiled brightly. “Of course, I’m sure that this was all discussed during your emergency meeting. Great job with your repeated warfare attempts against humanity during the last six months, by the way. How’s that working out for us?”
Silence loomed. Of course, their repeated attempts to quash the new human uprising had not gone very well. At the end of the day, for every one Avatar there were thousands of humans.
“You are no longer strong enough to allow these divides into factions,” Jon continued. “We must present a united front if we’re going to maintain the ground we have. We can’t continue on the way we have. And I’ve realized…” Jon glanced at Annabelle, catching her eye. “I’ve realized that I haven’t been helping the situation. There’s more I can do. That’s why Annabelle has handed over moderation of these meetings to me.”
Nobody looked impressed.
He could see it: the way Jon had become an unpredictable, dangerous nuisance towards them. Almost everyone in this room would be much happier if Jon dropped dead. Nobody had really liked him because nobody had ever felt safe around him. Only Annabelle and Oliver - the person who had nothing to fear from him and the other person who did not feel fear - called themselves his friends.
But they would have preferred it if Jon was hostile or dangerous. If he had even admitted his power. But Jon play-acted at harmlessness, unwilling and afraid to make enemies, and in that way he became a nuisance rather than an enemy. He couldn’t even pretend that it wasn’t on purpose. No matter how many Avatars brushed him off or ignored him, it was better than feeling their eyes on him. Or feeling the fear rich on their tongues.
“Also I invited a human to work with us on human affairs,” Jon said cheerfully. “Diversity hire! Any questions?”
There were a lot of questions. Basira didn’t look very pleased at his remark, either.
Simon leaned forward first, pale and watery eyes intent for the first time. “What happened to Jonah Magnus?”
“Natural causes,” Jon said cheerfully. “Next?”
“What does this mean for us?” the Lukas matriarch said. Her eyes skittered away from him. “Are we in danger?”
Jon shrugged. “Only if you’re incompetent at feeding.”
“What caused this?” Manuela demanded. “The children are running wild, we can’t control them. We’ve lost a major food source.”
Jon scratched his temples. “What caused it...sustainability efforts.” He sobered abruptly. “You could never control the children, anyway. This is the generation of the apocalypse. You’ll find that very little frightens them now.”
“Does this have to do with those humans you’ve been running around with?” Jared asked, scratching his chin as Manuela’s expression contorted in rage.
As usual, a frighteningly insightful observation from such a brute. “It is actually directly their fault!”
Everybody turned to look at Basira, who was completely unapologetic. She crossed her arms. “Don’t ask me. First I’m hearing about this too.”
“Did you kill Jonah Magnus?” Oliver asked, morbidly fascinated. “How?”
“We humans didn’t kill him. We showed up at the Panopticon to kill him, only to find Jon there and Jonah Magnus already dead.” Basira scowled as Jon and Annabelle glanced at each other. Jon subtly shook his head. Annabelle’s lips thinned. “It looked like he’d been dead for years.”
An unfamiliar young man with a thick mop of clumped black hair peered at Jon, expression contorted in grotesque interest. He was one of the Avatars who had been born in the Apocalypse, who were all recognizably weird. His name was - right, Geoff Anjou. Some French man who had made his mark in the Parisian Underground before moving to London and conquering his next terrain. A Parisian to the bone - or, a great deal of bones, as the case may be. So many bones. Jon had always meant to take Daisy to that wonderful little nightmare and let her run loose. Chase people through the tunnels. Munch bones. Perfect vacation.
“So did the Archivist kill him?” Geoff asked, in the same way you would ask who won the World Cup. “Steal his Watcher’s Crown or whatever?”
“Are you the new queen bee?” a young woman asked Jon. The new Slaughter Avatar, Henrietta Something-or-another. A Cambridge legacy college student, Annabelle had intoned, and Jon had been afraid to inquire further. She was cyberbullying someone on her mobile, which seemed to be bleeding. “Cuz, like, you don’t seem qualified.”
“I did not kill Jonah Magnus,” Jon said, for the five hundreth time in the last six months. “And I’m uninterested in filling his shoes. That’s enough questions, I think.”
“Are you as weakened as the rest of us?” Amherst demanded. “Surely this destruction has affected you worst of all.”
“He probably ate Jonah Magnus,” Henrietta said. “The Archivist’s probably god now.”
Geoff snorted. “No way. He brought a human as back-up.”
“Why is there a human?” Another woman asked, with long brown hair and a broad face. Something about her was unquestionably severe, from her bulging muscles to her incredible height. Jon had never seen her before in his life. Her name was Julia Montauk. Something about her stank of life and undeath, same as Amherst. “We can’t exactly work with the prey, here.”
“I’m proposing an emergency motion,” Amherst said suddenly, shutting up the rapidly overlapping voices. “I vote that a leader is elected democratically. And that representatives are limited towards loyal patrons of the Forces.”
“I second that motion,” Geoff said immediately. “We can’t afford a chaotic uprising in our government right now -”
“This really isn’t a vote,” Jon said.
“Isn’t this a democracy?” Henrietta asked, with the self-righteous assurance of a twenty year old. “We vote on things in a democracy. And leaders.”
“Annabelle was voted in last spring,” Julia agreed. “No reason to change things.”
Well. Basira said that she trusted him. He’d have to rely on that.
Jon pressed down.
It felt just like that: pressing down. Reaching out a hand and squashing. Sometimes it was like ripping someone into shreds, and other times it was like plunging your hand into their chest and ripping out their heart. But this was just a press: a heavy static, bearing down over your shoulders like a ten ton weight. A sight so horrible that it was too eldritch to even look at. The realization that the hideous sight was you, and that it was all you would ever be.
Some - Geoff, Amherst - gasped, as if they were choking. Others - Lukas, Henrietta - gasped at their hearts, as if they were having heart attacks. Jon carefully kept it off Oliver, Annabelle, Basira, and Agnes. He couldn’t help but remember what she had said a few weeks ago, about being so frightened -
But Basira winced anyway, clutching her temples, and Jon carefully released the static until the inhabitants of the room could breathe again. His eyes did not stop glowing, and Jon didn’t bother to turn off the light show.
Jon put his feet down on the floor and rested his elbows on the table, leaning forward. As everyone shuddered and gasped, he spoke slowly and pointedly. “This is not a democracy. It never was. It is a monarchy, and the line of succession is clear.”
Annabelle’s eyes widened, and she abruptly clenched her fists before loosening them. An uncharacteristic show of emotion from her.
“This coalition has never been a democracy,” Jon said severely. “This is a house of lords. You are uninterested in representing any needs but your own, and I know Jared failed level eight government, but I’m sure all of you know that democracy represents elected officials. Nobody here has ever lived in a true democracy, and in your human fallibility you have recreated the only system you have ever known. The seats at this table are determined by power - all of you, the most powerful conduits for your Entity. I am the inevitable consequence of this system. I am your natural disaster. All of you bought me. Now you have me. And you are no longer powerful enough to make me leave.”
Agnes’ hand was covering her mouth. Jon dearly hoped Basira was holding onto that trust. He dearly hoped that he wasn’t speaking from anger.
But he couldn’t stop. It boiled and bubbled. It was an anger and a powerlessness that had subjugated him for thirty two years of his life. It had served as the cloud hanging over his head for three more.
“If you want someone to blame for the Archivist who now moderates this meeting,” Jon said, his voice the thin lid over this boiling pot of hurt and anger, “I now know their names. Jonah Magnus. Jude Perry. Nikola Orsinov. Twice. Breekon and Hope’s coffin. Peter Lukas. Jane Prentiss. Maxwell Raynor. A strategic book.” Jon tilted his head, having effectively made his point. There were others, but he had forgiven Daisy and Melanie a long time ago. And Jared had been polite about it. “Bring up your complaints with them. Good luck with that.”
Jon clapped his hands, closing the lid on those memories. Maybe one day the pain would leech from them like a sun-bleached painting, but that day hadn’t come yet. “Now! If you have any further complaints about my position here, or if you want to continue debating political theory, feel free to stand up and tell me so. We’re all interested in you regurgitating your life story until you die. Anyone?” Crickets. Jon leaned back in his chair, making himself comfortable. “Can we go onto the motions now? Ms. Hussain first, then clockwise from her.”
As if they had planned this, with the air of a well-choreographed actress, Basira stood up and spread out her papers in front of her. “The human contingency requests neutral zones in essential areas. Maternal wards in hospitals are highly vulnerable locations, and when assaulted by parasites the mortality rate of children is very high. If you want a self-replenishing food source, you have to allocate space for safe living. The next essential zone is a daycare and a school for children -”
And she was off. Jon had nothing to say, nor was anything necessary. Raging debate sparked after she finished speaking, and Basira effectively crushed the opposition. Agnes spoke up in her defense, and to Jon’s surprise even Manuela contributed a solid understanding of the necessity of children. When the debate started spiraling in an unhelpful direction Jon cut in and shut it down, before forcing the vote.
It did not pass, obviously.
“By the way,” Jon said. “Ms. Hussain proposed five different motions today. At least two of them have to pass. This debate is about picking which two you want.”
Then that started up all over again, and Jon tried not to fall asleep.
Moderating was hard. He actually had to pay attention and focus, and he hated focusing. He was effective enough at shutting down conversations, but sometimes shutting down conversations wasn’t helpful - he just needed to steer them in a more productive conversation. And Agnes’ political theory and Basira’s almost-definitely-made-up statistics started flying so thick and fast above his head that Jon was starting to almost completely lose the plot.
Jon chose his moment as the Lukas woman was complaining extensively about how Henrietta’s digital bullying was intruding upon the Loneliness of her adherents. Henrietta had argued that social media made people more lonely. Jon was afraid that Henrietta was his fault. Maybe the Eye’s fault, holistically. Jared wanted to be friends with Henrietta and co-host Instagram events, which Jon enthusiastically supported despite Basira’s glares.
He leaned over to his right, gesturing slightly at Annabelle so she would lean in closer. She raised an eyebrow at him. Annabelle’s eyebrows were crushing.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” Jon whispered to her, as quietly as possible.
Annabelle mouthed very clearly at him, ‘Wow, really? Shock!’.
“I was making a point,” Jon hissed. “An important point. But I don’t - I still -” Jon faltered, uncertain, as Henrietta began sneering something about Lukas’ hairdo. Finally, he weakly said, “You care. They need you.”
Annabelle stared at him for a long, silent moment, before turning away from him.
For the first time that day, she spoke to the room. “Let’s keep ad hominem attacks out of this,” she said sharply. “Madame Lukas, if you’ll make your closing remarks we can bring this to a vote.”
She really was good at it. Just like she had always wanted. She had never directly admitted it, but Annabelle had always wanted to be the kind of person in rooms like this.
A politician sitting in an uncomfortable chair at 10 Downing Street. Rich, successful, important. Powerful and respected. Back then, she had wanted to be famous. Now, she was content to be controlling famous people. A dream out of her reach in life; laughably attainable in this stagnant after-afterlife.
The dream had crippled her. In her search for a functional world, one that achieved and grew and provided a comfortable world, she had ended up recreating a world that hadn’t been functional at all. A world that was slow to change, and seemingly impossible to improve. A world passed down from the hands of the greedy and bloodthirsty into the hands of the uncaring and apathetic.
The apocalypse had been inevitable. Humans driving themselves to extinction. And Avatars, possessed of human weakness, had been eager to do the same. Just a pathetic room of sour and bitter people power-tripping.
For all that Sasha calls us bougie, Jon thought, we’re such deeply unhappy people.
There had once been a young man, desperate for attention and acknowledgement. Dreaming of importance. He would stay up late at night, planning out his life as a famous researcher and well-respected philosopher. Everyone would tell him how smart he was. He would prove it all - with a scholarship to Oxford, with a sneer and a haughty air, with a boss who said that he had so much promise, here’s a job that will let you realize your potential.
I deserve this job -
Something in Jon’s mind flared, a hot poker rammed behind his eye sockets. Jon hissed, one hand reaching unconsciously to his temple, and Annabelle glanced at him in alarm. She had - Jon had been thinking about her, and - what had he been -
Together, they managed to wrangle the meeting into something half-way productive. Most importantly, Basira had gotten three of her proposals passed, and Agnes’ arguments were stirring the other Avatars into serious discussion. Conversation itself would be stilted by his sheer presence, and they weren’t quite all working together yet, but they would.
It was really all the same to Jon if the Avatars or humans won the war. He should care a bit more than he did, so he didn’t vocalize this to the others. But this conflict sparked life, a strange and frantic energy. Experiences and growth. That was what Jon had always fed on.
It seemed that Jon’s skill at prioritizing himself over all others was as sharp as ever.
Eventually the two hours wrapped up, and the other Avatars were eager to leave. Jon waved them off cheerily.
“Meeting adjourned. Try not to do anything stupid until next time. And if any of you break the boundaries of the human safe zones, I’ll know! Annabelle, will you stay behind?”
The others filtered out quickly, uncharacteristically unwilling to see whatever carnage would be wrought. Agnes and Basira lingered.
“That went so well!” Agnes shouted, the minute the last Avatar left. The room was now empty save for Agnes, Basira, Annabelle, and - Oliver, who was leaning against the doorframe. “I can’t believe you actually did something useful!”
“Ouch,” Oliver said.
It was fair, though. Jon smiled weakly at her. “Hopefully I can help out a little more often going forward. But I’m not going to give any favoritism to you, Agnes. I’ll intervene to give humans a fair shot, but I really don’t want to be...king of a ruined world or whatever.”
“I know,” Agnes said firmly. She reached out and squeezed his arm, round and gentle face creased in determination. “You’d be terrible at it. So just be you, okay?”
Jon saluted her, before gesturing to the door. “Will you steal a historical British artifact from this garbage building for me? Daisy needs more targets to shoot.”
Agnes nodded eagerly and ran off. Jon silently hoped Basira would follow her, if also out of interest for also seeing British things destroyed, but she just looked at Jon intensely instead. Not quite a glare - just a searching, intense look, as if she was finding her own Statement from deep within him. It had always been disconcerting. Jon was still convinced she hated him.
“It’s not as if I knew you very well before we rescued you from the Panopticon,” Basira said crisply, pressing a folder to her chest, “but you’ve changed. What happened? What did Annabelle have to do with it?”
Jon and Annabelle glanced at each other. Oliver lifted an eyebrow.
“Basira -”
“Don’t ask me to trust you.”
“I didn’t betray that,” Jon asked, “did I?”
Her expression didn’t soften. “You didn’t. We’re going to continue needing your help. But an ally with inscrutable motivations who does everything on a whim is a bad ally to have.”
“I’m trying, Basira,” Jon said, impossibly exhausted and just a little disappointed. “Please be patient.”
“I’ve been patient for three years,” Basira said, before forcibly cutting herself short from whatever emotion she was about to display. “What happened?”
A phantom pain pieced Jon’s arms, like chains threaded through bone. Jon fought the urge to wince, unconsciously reaching up to rub at a spot on his forearm. Everyone noticed. “It’s...family business…”
“Did you kill Jonah Magnus?”
“Jonah Magnus killed me,” Jon snapped, far louder than he intended, “so he would have deserved it, wouldn’t he!”
He felt a little lightheaded, more than he intended. It felt like a hand was clenching inside his chest, more than he wanted. No, Basira is fragile, you can’t just - no, Agnes is a kid, Daisy said that we can’t -
“Basira Hussain,” Annabelle said, hands folded tightly in her lap, eyes serious and intent. Jon started, surprised to hear her speak again. “You should go catch up with Agnes.”
Basira stared at Annabelle for a long moment, lips thin, before she abruptly whirled on her heel and stalked out. Jon watched her go, exhausted. He waited for her heels to click down the hall, far away enough that he knew she wasn’t eavesdropping, before groaning and dropping his head down onto his desk.
“They hate me.”
“They’re scared of you,” Annabelle pointed out. She leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms. “Frankly, Basira could stand to be a little more afraid of you. She’s going to get herself in trouble one of these days.”
“She’s practically my sister in law, I’m not going to hurt her,” Jon snapped. “Your stupid plan relied on me never hurting people I love.”
“Sorry,” Oliver said pleasantly, “is anyone ever going to tell me what’s going on? I feel like an NPC in Jon’s Dungeons & Dragons game.”
“You want to be an NPC, I found you working at Taco Bell.” God, whatever. Jon could tell Oliver. He wouldn’t give a shit. Jon sighed, lifting his head to twist around and look at Oliver instead. “You remember when I was asking around after Sasha James? Annabelle had put me up to it.”
“Obviously. And then Sasha James started following you around? You terrorized Annabelle’s party again?”
“Yeah, it was this whole big thing.” Jon waved a hand expressively. “Anyway, then Annabelle tried to trap me in an eternal limbo that would shred me from inside out so I could act as purveyor of the world, and probably also use her connection with me so she could take over affairs here, and probably either nudge me into shaping the world back into order or into sinking it deeper into hell. I broke out and now I’m mad at her.”
“I had at least twenty other reasons,” Annabelle said, “but that’s the gist.”
Oliver stared at them.
They all sat in awkward silence. Jon found himself winding a finger around a stray coil of hair and letting it spring back into place. He had kept it the same the last three years, never bothering to change the style. A loose and bouncy cloud of hair, sometimes brushing against his shoulders until Annabelle kidnapped him to cut it again - him, as much as the trenchcoat was. So much as anything had ever been ‘him’.
“Well,” Oliver said diplomatically, “I see that you skipped a lot of steps there. So why are you here, then?”
Was it just to spite Annabelle? Screw her out of her work? Did Jon genuinely care? Did he want to organize the other Avatars, get them mobilized and going? Did he want to protect the humans?
Did he really only care about himself, and the people he called his friends and family? Did he really only care about himself, and those he possessed?
“There’s a person I want to be,” Jon said quietly, “but I don’t know how to be him.”
Annabelle stared at him, with dark and glittering eyes, expression as implacable as always. For a sudden, stupid, intense moment, Jon wanted to know if she cared about him. If one of the few people who had always helped him, who was always in his corner, had seen him as anything more than a tool.
Like Basira, who didn’t like him as a person, but found him too valuable to alienate. But Basira was - she was deeply good, if not always kind, and Jon had the sense that she had fought to turn herself into that good person. It was something she chose. She was trying to push Jon into making that same choice.
Jon clenched his hands in his lap, his fingernails digging into his palm. “There’s people I respect, and who I want to respect me. This person I want to be...I’m worried that I only want this because that’s what they want. They’ll deny it, but they want my power. Everybody just makes me into whoever they want. Whatever’s useful to them.” Jon’s gaze snapped to Annabelle, and he fought hard to keep the compulsion from his voice. It was difficult, when he wanted to know so badly, but - “The kind of person I used to be. That person I’m ashamed of. Is that the person who was useful to you?”
He didn’t want to force the answer from her. He wanted her to choose to say it.
Annabelle didn’t react. She didn’t show anything on her face. Much less what Jon wanted from her. She just tilted her head, one of the few unafraid to meet his eyes. “I never made you be anyone, Jon. All I ever did was put you in the right place at the right time.”
“That wasn’t my question,” Jon said, and this time he couldn’t help the static creeping into his voice. “Answer me.”
Annabelle sighed. “Of course it was useful. Is that what you wanted me to voluntarily say, Jon? I didn’t bring you to the first meeting because I thought it would be educational for you. I needed your power to keep the others in line. I needed everyone else to see that I controlled your power. That’s the only reason why any of this worked. We both got something out of it. Don’t pretend that you weren’t happy with the arrangement.”
It...it wasn’t a surprise, but…
“So that’s why you didn’t bring him to any of the other meetings,” Oliver mused. “He wasn’t as controllable as you liked, not when there’s more than ten other idiots around needling him. There’s never been anybody who can always predict when Jon’s going to lose his shit. Besides the biggie, I guess.”
The biggie, which was his past.
No wonder he had stayed so childlike, innocent, and cruel for so long. Jon took responsibility for his own laziness, but - but he had been most useful that way. Annabelle had liked him best that way.
Daisy had liked him best that way too. That cruel child - Daisy had wanted him, because he made her feel needed. Annabelle was just the same.
Everyone had liked him best that way. And if Jon became the kind of person who he wanted to be, nobody would like him at all.
“If you’re going to kill me,” Annabelle said, exhaustion seeping in through her voice, “just do it.”
Jon closed his eyes. He could feel it - Annabelle’s exhaustion, the way that she had just been waiting for him to do this. Everything she knew about Jon led towards an obvious course of action. Even though you nobody knew everything that set Jon off, certain things were pretty guaranteed that he wouldn’t forgive.
Annabelle had never accounted for Sasha. She had brought Sasha into his life, and she had no idea the effect she would have on it. Sasha, who had been the first to tell Jon that she chose to care about him for him. For a brief, hot flash, Jon was jealous. He wanted to be someone unpredictably kind.
If he only wanted that because he had found yet another person to give his wind-up key, then…
“You won, Annabelle,” Jon said finally, and he only knew it as he said it. “Congratulations. You played the perfect manipulation. You took a vulnerable, afraid man, who had been violated in the worst possible way and left to die.” He stood up, already uncomfortable with what he was about to say. “And you arranged him so that he loved you. I chose to love you. I’m making the choice never to hurt you, because I still love you. ”
He left the room. Oliver stood aside just in time, letting Jon brush by.
As Jon met up with Agnes and Basira, summoning a smile and a wave for them, he felt uncomfortably as if he had grown up.
He wasn’t sure that he liked it.
#tma#the magnus archives#my writing#tma fanfic#jonathan sims#annabelle cane#oliver banks#basira hussain#agnes montague#and a ton more#tcf was about deciding to change#and this story kind of hits at how difficult it is deciding who to change into#and how difficult it is to trust your own decisions when you've been manipulated since the second you were 'born'#jon and his choices and agency is becoming a big thing for me!
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hi, remember that murder snily au i'm always talking abt but never have anything to show for? yeah, i've scrapped it like six times now and i finally have a version of it i'm marginally satisfied with. so, here you go, this is the first part of maybe three or four, i think? have fun:
anger
/ˈaŋɡə/
noun
noun: anger; plural noun: angers
1. Normal anger does not split open one's ribcage and wind itself around their heart. Normal anger does not coat itself in venom and sit behind one's teeth and hide under their tongue and lie patiently in wait. Normal anger is not cold and slow and remorseless. Lily thinks that what she calls anger is normal. Lily does not realise that she is extraordinary.
Lily's brand of anger is decidedly... different. What, exactly, makes it so different isn't exactly obvious to her, but she knows that it's not like anyone else's. At least, not as far as she's aware. Hers is a cold sort of anger, an all-encompassing thing that bites and burns and hurts. It's patient, too, winding in and around her ribcage and clawing its way upwards to settle behind her teeth, waiting for a reason to show itself. It's protective, aiming to eliminate a threat before it has a chance to do further damage.
She's... aware of her anger. Not very much so, but it's seen the light of day often enough to be familiar to her. She doesn't know it, though, hasn't made herself properly acquainted with the more... unfortunate spectrum of her emotions, and that is what makes it truly dangerous.
When she feels something scratching at her insides and festering beneath a vindictive sort of justice at seeing Black and Potter and Lupin and Pettigrew suffer the displeasure of the Slytherins, she thinks it's anger. She finds herself in a dusty, unused classroom in the dungeons, helping to refine a brutal spell designed to rend the flesh of anyone unlucky enough to be on the wrong end of it and she thinks it's anger that curls around her and whispers into her ear, "Make sure it hurts."
It isn't. She calls it anger, claims it a necessity, insists that she's protecting her best friend, but she doesn't realise she's mistaken.
The story of the "Prank" gets out—doctored, of course, to keep Black out of Azkaban, and Lupin away from execution—and Lily titters into the back of her hand when she hears it told in bits and pieces throughout the corridors.
"Did you hear?"
"Who would've thought—"
"—bloody idiots went into the Forest! At night! What kind of—"
"—ll five of them, yeah. Can't figure out for the life of me how they managed to get Snape to go—"
"—must've dragged 'im kicking an' screamin', I'm telling y—"
"—Gryffindors, my left tit! Damn cowards just ran off and left Lupin and Snape to deal with—"
"—no clue what happened, but have you seen the scars?"
"—out of the Hospital Wing, already? How—"
"—down fifty points! All because that lot wanted to play jokes aga—"
She smiles, a tiny, smug thing that she doesn't notice, and moves on. The Slytherins are properly riled up now, Rosier and Mulciber and Wilkes and Avery hovering around her and Severus with expressions she can't describe as anything but sadistic. At some point, she realises that their presence makes her feel much less uncomfortable than it did a week ago. She doesn't dwell on it, ignoring the small part of her that worries and shivers in favour of leaning over Severus's shoulder to read about the sort of magic that appears in nightmares.
She grips her wand, idly twirling the twelve-and-a-half inches of willow and dragon heartstring as she skims over detailings of ancient, arcane magic. It's always about blood, she thinks, staring a diagram of a pricked finger dripping red into a cauldron. Potion for Transferring Magic from One Wizard to Another, the heading proclaims. She shakes her head, accidentally knocking into Severus's in the process. "Ow."
He winces a little, and then tells her, "I'm turning the page."
She hums, eyes glued to a book she wouldn't dare look at not even a week ago, and says, "Okay."
It's fascinating, Lily has to admit. Gruesome in some cases and horrific in others, yes, but there's something... mesmerising about it, something hideously captivating in the way that the diagrams seem to eagerly demonstrate their attached spells. On the page, a young wizard is neatly flayed alive, the entire process precise. Her stomach rolls, but Lily can't seem to tear her gaze away for even a second. She doesn't think about it.
She doesn't think about a lot of things, actually, staunchly refusing to acknowledge the way she finds herself drawn away from her Housemates and friends, instead choosing to orbit around her best friend and the seemingly endless rotation of Dark Arts tomes he's somehow gotten his hands on.
Mary's sick of her excuses, she knows, responding to every one with a nod and an, "Oh, alright, then," in that tone that lands somewhere in the middle of disappointment, exasperation and concern.
Marlene has given up entirely, the whole of their interactions reduced to simple greetings in the hall and nods when they pass each other between classes.
Dorcas is nice about it, still catching her arm on the way to breakfast, still offering to study with her when they're all together in the Common and she doesn't want anyone to feel left out. It's undeniable, though, that her smile isn't near as warm as it used to be and it's tinged with worry at the corners.
No one makes it a secret of what they think about her recent activities. And as for the company she's keeping? Well, they'd always been particularly vocal about that.
Things must come to a head eventually, and they do, not even ten minutes after Professor Sprout has dismissed them from the classroom on Wednesday afternoon. She hears the whispers first, half of them from students she doesn't even know, has never said a word to.
"—conspiring with snakes—"
"—think it's the first time I've heard of a Gryff going Dark—"
"—ck was right about her, she's got no—"
Something ugly twists in her chest, and she forces her feet to turn and move, one step after the other. She can make it to the Common Room reasonably quickly, she thinks, and then she catches the self-proclaimed Marauders outside the Great Hall. Or rather, they catch her.
"You can do better than a bunch of slimy snakes, Evans," Potter crows, and she stops dead in her tracks. "Why bother with them when you've got a fine piece of Gryffindor right here?"
"Get lost," she says, the words ground flat between grit teeth.
Potter does not get lost. "Come on, Evans," he continues. "You're not acting like a proper Gryffindor. Where's your House loyalty? I can guarantee that chivalry and bravery are much better than whatever they're offering." It sounds... like a taunt, and this is when Lily realises that what she's been feeling isn't anger.
"Chivalry? Bravery? What would you know about any of that? It's not very chivalrous to corner students four-to-one, now, is it?" She hisses her words, each one more scathing than the last, and as she spits them out, every last one dripping venom, she realises that she wants it to hurt. "And it certainly doesn't seem brave to leave behind someone who needs help because you got cold feet! I'm not a proper Gryffindor? No, I think you've got it wrong, James. If you want to see an improper Gryffindor, the whole lot of you can go right ahead and look in a bloody mirror! I will not be talked down to by the likes of spiteful little cowards like you! I'm more Gryffindor than all four of you put together, but if you're what our House is supposed to look like, then I want nothing to do with it!"
Her ears are ringing when she's done, the whole world narrowed down to one singular focal point, the group of boys headed by the one who'd been desperate to get her attention and regrets it now that he has it. She looks at each of them in turn, summoning a contempt she didn't know she possessed until now. "Save your breath," she snaps, when Black's jaw unlocks, and she turns around and walks away.
Something slots into the place at the back of her mind, and she thinks, oh, her fingers itching to wrap themselves around her wand and whisper the words that will turn them inside out, call the blood from their pores and make it sing. Something clicks, when she thinks about she felt just then, and she can tell the difference quite clearly, very easily, between pure, white-hot, blinding rage and what she's been calling anger. She doesn't know what it really is, and she doesn't want to. She doesn't think about it, either, simply pushes the entire realisation to the back of her head and thinks, oh.
It changes... very little. Something inside of her has changed, and she finds herself growing steadily more unbothered by the voice in her that tells her about old, forbidden magicks of the body and the mind and the blood. It's always about blood.
She doesn't bother reading over Severus's shoulder anymore, the two of them scribbling notes as the pages flip on their own once they've both finished reading.
What does change things is when Rosier corners her after Defence one day, a sealed envelope held in his hand.
"What's this?" Lily asks, eyeing the pristine letter suspiciously. She might get along with the Slytherins much better now—especially after the incident with the Marauders that Rosier had found particularly amusing—but she can't say she truly trusts them.
"An invitation," he says, and before she can speak, he continues. "Every rule has its exceptions. We'd thought there was only room for one Mudblood prodigy, but it looks like there's space for two."
"Don't call me that," she bites, and he waves the envelope at her.
"Think about it. As it stands now, men like Potter and Dumbledore are holding too many of the cards. Men who would let people die and then cover it up to save their own hides. Don't you want to see them get what's coming to them?"
"There's no difference between you and them," she says.
"Isn't there? We've never claimed to be good."
She stares at him, silent.
"It's a new age, Evans. Don't you want to change the world?" he asks.
She takes the envelope.
anyways, i hope you enjoyed that! thanks for reading :)
#fic#murder snily au#severus snape#lily evans#harry potter fanfiction#darkfic#i mean not yet but it will be#anyways#that took wayyy too long#it took me so long to get to this point it's not even funny anymore#but i'm glad i did#getting my shit together seems likw a pretty solid birthday present to myself i think#snily#anyways bye for now#also i have the same birthday as draco malfoy and i found that put via tiktok#gotta love it
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Six of Crows Review
Alright, first book review on this blog...here we go:
*spoiler warning, duh*
Book: Six of Crows
Author: Leigh Bardugo
My Rating: 5/5
First off, this is the first YA fantasy I've ever read so I have no idea what I was expecting...and I fuckin loved it.
Second, I binge read this book in three days and it usually takes me a month to read anything ever so that's definitely saying something. I came for Kaz Brekker after watching Shadow & Bone on Netflix and stayed for the amazing plot, diverse and intricate characters, the incredible action and twists, and of course Kaz Brekker. The one thing that I loved was how fast paced this book went, and I genuinely could not stray far from the book because of how addicting it was. There was something in every chapter and you never got bored.
The last part had taken the most time for me to complete because of how much action Leigh crammed in the last 60 pages, which made it a bit hard to follow along but it was still epic.
The Characters:
Kaz, Inej, Jesper, Wylan, Nina, Matthias
"“What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?”
“Knife to the throat?” asked Inej.
“Gun to the back?” said Jesper.
“Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina.
“You’re all horrible,” said Matthias."
The most diverse set of characters I have ever met. There were 6 characters, and the POV's were constantly changing and at some point, while I read someone else's chapter I was worried about the other characters and anticipating the next chapters. This was honestly an amazing decision to tell this story and I never got sick of the characters (except maybe Matthias, sorry).
Not only does Leigh do an excellent job portraying trauma in her characters (especially Kaz), she also keeps the character's as diverse as possible, from Nina being a plus sized character with badass confidence to Wylan overcoming his dyslexia and even Inej being a brown character. Every character had their own stories and the flashbacks/backstories were always a pleasure to read through.
Kaz Brekker is a stone cold, morally grey, manipulative, and terrible criminal which of course...makes him an even better protagonist. He definitely rocks the Hot Boy Who Is Mean To Everyone Except That One Chick Because Of His Tragic Backstory trope.
"There was no part of him that was not broken, that had not healed wrong, and there was no part of him that was not stronger for having been broken."
He is an anti-hero with his own plans and goals, while also caring so much about his crew that he would do anything for them. I'm very excited to see his character develop with Inej in Crooked Kingdom as well as his relationship with her because I am too obsessed with the two of them. I also enjoyed how Leigh allowed Kaz to fuck up and make mistakes, showing that he wasn't just some perfect character that knew everything about everything, and reading his inner dialogue when he realized his fuck-ups felt refreshing. His backstory was very well written and very tragic (we get it he's emo). It felt so personal knowing why he was they way he was when he sealed himself off from the world. He's also drippy as fuck.
Inej Ghafa just radiates bad bitch energy and when Kaz called her "dangerous" I screamed "DAMN RIGHT". Her mental drive was beautifully written during her chapters, especially while she climbed the incinerator.
"The heat of the incinerator wrapped around Inej like a living thing, a desert dragon in his den, hiding from the ice, waiting for her. She knew her body's limits and knew she had no more to give. She'd made a bad wager. It was as simple as that. The autumn leaf might cling to its branch, but it was already dead. The only question was when it would fall...
Should she jump now or simply wait for her body to give?
Inej felt wetness on her cheeks. Was she crying? Now? After everything she'd done and had done to her?"
Most importantly, she was a raw character who pushed herself throughout the book not just for herself but for the rest of the crew. She was selfless but she was also incredibly strong, driven by her future. Inej is the most inspiring character in the book and I have fallen in love with her more times than I could count. (lowkey carried the team imma be honest)
JESPER FAHEY Y'ALL. My queer sharpshooter king. I think I related to him the most and I loved every chapter with him. Though, I felt like Jesper was treated more as a side character than a main one, especially since he was stuck with Wylan for the entirety of the heist but BOY WHEN I FOUND OUT HE WAS A FABRIKATOR...I might have also screamed. He was definitely the comedic relief and he always kept me laughing at his little comments. Excited to see him and Wylan get together and also hoping for more of Jesper's character.
"Well, we’ve managed to get ourselves locked into the most secure prison in the world. We’re either geniuses or the dumbest sons of bitches to ever breathe air."
“If any of you survive, make sure I have an open casket. The world deserves a few more moments with this face.”
Nina Zenik...bro. She is so powerful. The moment she took parem was *chefs kiss* and it was the most badass scene I had ever experienced. When I began reading her chapters I didn't really enjoy them but when the heist actually began her inner dialogue won me over completely. When she was with Jarl Brum I could not stop laughing at the things she was saying in her head, and even when things were intense she always had something to say which made her character come to life. Her personality is hilarious, and sarcastic and she's also so HOT like my gay ass was swooning. She is who I aspire to be, that is all.
Matthias Helvar. Personally, I didn't really like his character so much because of how stubborn and he was (and how many times I wanted to punch his stupid ass), however he was still a pretty cool character with some good moments in there. He demonstrated religious corruption well, and he definitely faced a lot of inner conflict due to the pressure of what he was taught when he was younger. His POVs were a little boring but I loved it when he called Kaz a demjin.
Wylan Van Eck was a super fun character to have around. I definitely enjoyed watching his character grow as he spent more time with the Dregs. I didn't love him as much as the big three (Kaz, Jesper, Inej) and don't have much to say on him except that I admired his strength throughout the last part, especially when confronting his father after hearing all the horrible things he said about his own son. Jesper defending him made me melt big time.
"He's smarter than most of us put together, and he deserves a better father than you."
I literally could not have asked for such a creative group of characters and to see them work together makes me feel like I'm part of a big, criminal family.
The Ships
The ships were a fun addition to the story and the best part was that they never overstepped the actual objective of the plot but rather worked with it to enhance the connections between each character.
Kaz and Inej: Let me just cry for a second.
"She'd laughed, and if he could have bottled the sound and gotten drunk on it every night, he would have. It terrified him."
"I will have you without armor, Kaz Brekker. Or I will not have you at all."
"I'm going to get my money, Kaz vowed. And I'm going to get my girl."
This one hurt me. I am in love with these two and their relationship with each other makes it so much better. They are not meant to be together yet they are connected in so many ways. I did not think I would fall in love so easy, but here I am.
Matthias and Nina: I was not convinced by these two, especially with how weird their relationship was. They constantly seemed like they hated each other (valid) and some of their romantic scenes felt forced. In the end, I enjoyed seeing Nina grow on Matthias to wake his stubborn ass up. I swear that man refused to have feelings. Anyway, I still have mixed feelings on these two.
Wylan and Jesper: They are so cute. Like insanely cute. Like even I was blushing during their cute scenes. Their relationship isn't as developed yet so I am excited to see them in Crooked Kingdom.
Final Thoughts:
Representation? Check
Map? Check
Two maps?!? Fuck yeah
Amazing plot and worldbuilding? Check
Hilarious banter? Mhm
Great writing? Check
Well- written characters? 100%
Overall, this story will forever be my comfort book and I was impressed by the YA fantasy side of literature. It's hard to believe yet comforting that these characters are my age, makes me feel powerful. I loved every bit of this book and now I kinda wanna grab some friends and pull a heist.
#six of crows#grishaverse#the grisha series#crow club#shadow and bone#kaz brekker#inej ghafa#nina zenik#jesper fahey#wylan van eck#no mourners no funerals#the dregs#soc#sabspoilers#the crows#book review#booklr#ya fantasy#kanej
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