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#I CRY the found family dynamic and character growth makes me FEEL EMOTIONS
hamadynes · 3 years
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I think I have realized that the reason I recently got Very Attached to this book character is due to his entire Thing being extremely Persona 5-esque in my brain...
Like he’s been punished and abused his whole life for circumstances out of his control and yet he still maintains his kind heart and fighting spirit. Then he meets this rag tag group who he learns to love and who support him and fight alongside him and there’s this moment where he’s brought to his lowest point and he’s breaking down but then his resolve just Hardens and he’s like “He took everything from me... but I’m going to steal it back.” And my feral brain started playing the Persona awakening music like YES BOY GO GO GO.
He gets SUCH a satisfying and cathartic conclusion too— heist shenanigans, takes down his abuser, learns to let people love him for who he is, holds to his ideals but like those ideals include making explosives for his mob boss leader friend and threatening the dude who tries to flirt with his boyfriend, and is so so soft but in a “I can mess you up if I so choose :)” sort of way.
So yeah I found a character who is a mix of Ryuji, Yusuke, and Haru named Wylan and I STAN.
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evilmortys · 3 years
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okay,  so,  here  are  my  thoughts  on  the  finale,
i’m  gonna  start  with  the  things  i  didn’t  like,  just  because  of  who  i  am  as  a  person!  my  feelings  are  mixed,  but...  looks  lovingly  at  evil  morty.  he  truly  was  the  only  exception  as  usual  ♥
i’m  not  going  to  lie,  this  whole  thing  felt.  rushed.  although  some  of  rick’s  meta  commentary  about  not  touching  citadel  shit  because  it  was  canon  and  he  and  morty  were  supposed  to  be  going  back  to  lighthearted  one  off  adventures,  and  “the  second  he  reveals  that  he’s  evil,  we’re  out”  made  me  laugh,  it  also  felt  very  disingenuous  and  ham-fisted.  having  him  do  all  these  fourth  wall  breaks  honestly  took  away  from  the  impact  of  what  this  episode  could  have  been,  but  whatever.  
i  just  got  the  vibe  that  they  wanted  everyone  to  stfu  about  the  citadel  and  evil  morty,  so  they  quickly  stuck  together  this  episode  that  dealt  with  fans’  demand  in  one  fell  swoop  so  they  could  move  on  from  the  existence  of  both  plotlines.  i  honestly  thought  it  was  a  bit  wasteful  since  tales  from  the  citadel  resonated  with  a  lot  of  fans  and  it  was  an  interesting  bit  of  worldbuilding  with  compelling  narratives  going  on.
you  already  all  likely  know  how  irritated  i  am  with  morty’s  character  degrading  so  much  once  again.  this  entire  season  has  been  building  him  up  to  becoming  so  much  more  capable,  only  to  wrench  it  away  from  him  again  by  instead  having  his  co-dependency  with  rick  ramped  up  to  the  point  it  was  literally  out  of  character.  this  has  come  out  of  nowhere.  at  no  point  in  the  show’s  entire  run  has  morty  ever  been  this  needy  with  rick.  
again,  i  feel  like  this  may  have  been  written  around  what  eventually  ended  up  happening  at  the  citadel,  with  the  revelation  that  mortys  are  ‘bred  for  forgiveness.’  it  would  have  been  far  more  compelling  for  our  morty  to  have  continued  to  go  down  the  path  of  being  decidedly  unforgiving  of  rick’s  bullshit,  thereby  making  him  deviate  from  the  norm  in  a  similar  way  to  evil  morty  himself  and  implicating  that  the  cycle  of  a  morty  going  to  these  extremes  is  going  to  be  repeated  once  again.
rick  did  not  deserve  or  earn  voicing  the  recognition  that  his  dynamic  with  morty  was  toxic,  and  abusive.  are  you  fucking  kidding  me?  the  smartest  man  in  the  universe  only  JUST  clocked  onto  that?  bullshit!  he’s  known  all  along,  and  he’s  been  using  it  for  his  own  gain!  he  doesn’t  get  to  just  say  it  with  that  regretful  voice  as  if  he’s  been  clueless  /  oblivious  to  it  this  entire  time.  they  just  wanted  the  audience  to  feel  sympathetic  for  him  by  throwing  in  this  tidbit  and  a  tragic  backstory,  as  if  that  even  sort  of  makes  up  for  everything  he’s  put  his  family  through.  
abandoning  the  people  you’ve  hurt  is  ALSO  abusive  and  toxic  behaviour!  he’s  done  it  time  and  time  again!  how  is  acknowledging  the  fact  that  you  hurt  people,  that  you  hurt  your  family,  the  people  that  love  you  despite  the  fact  you  objectively  don’t  deserve  it,  then  ditching  them  once  again  instead  of  staying  with  them  and  improving  as  a  person  and  helping  everyone  heal  from  what  you’ve  put  them  through,  ANY  BETTER??  he  never  changes!!
i  also  couldn’t  really  process  the  fact  that  rick  just  handed  morty  his  portal  gun  like  it  was  nothing--  i  feel  like  him  topping  it  off  and  using  it  behind  rick’s  back  should  have  been  a  bigger  deal  than  what  it  was.  also,  morty  would  not  break  a  guy  out  of  a  mental  asylum  without  a  second  thought.  he  simply  wouldn’t  do  that.
we’ve  fallen  right  back  into  the  status  quo  of  morty  being  stupid  and  rick  being  the  smartest  one  in  the  room  who  always  knows  what’s  going  on,  even  when  he  actually  shouldn’t  for  the  sake  of  a  few  meta  jokes.  which  is  more  annoying  than  i  can  put  into  words  tbqh
obviously  i  hated  all  the  parallels  they  were  attempting  to  make  between  rick  and  morty  having  a  romantic  relationship  and  “breaking  up.”  never  has  morty  behaved  so  uncharacteristically  in  any  other  episode  of  the  show.  it  honestly  felt  disrespectful  to  all  the  growth  he’s  had  as  a  character  to  reduce  him  to  something  so  pathetic.
i  guess  this  is  less  of  a  thing  i  disliked,  and  more  of  a  commentary  on  rick’s  character?  but  once  again,  his  hypocrisy  really  leapt  out  at  me  once  it  was  revealed  that  he  always  has  a  hand  in  bringing  together  beths  and  jerrys  in  order  to  ensure  that  more  mortys  will  end  up  in  the  multiverse.  i  find  it  unbelievably  sad  that  he’ll  willingly  ensnare  the  two  of  them  in  the  throes  of  a  relationship  that  he  knows  is  likely  to  become  toxic  and  cause  the  both  of  them  to  be  miserable  throughout  their  time  together;  they’re  rarely  happy  /  compatible  together  and  always  end  up  sticking  it  out  for  the  kids.  it  also  makes  his  constant  shitting  on  jerry  even  more  egregious  and  almost  serves  to  call  his  love  for  his  daughter  into  question  for  me.  he’s  using  her  as  a  means  to  his  own  ends  by  manipulating  situations  so  she’ll  meet  jerry  and  they’ll  likely  end  up  together.  
don’t  get  me  wrong,  i  actually  really  loved  the  fact  he  had  a  hand  in  founding  the  citadel  he  now  loathes  so  much,  and  i  think  the  constant  creation  of  mortys  as  grandsons  ‘bred  to  forgive’  ricks  is  so  fucked  up  and  awful  in  the  most  intriguing  way.  it’s  akin  to  him  fiddling  with  the  concept  of  keeping  mortys  in  constant  pain  to  cloak  his  comings  and  goings  around  the  multiverse  (on  paper,  morty,  on  paper!),  except  this  time  he  did  it  in  reality.
evil  morty.  oh  my  god,  evil  morty.  my  saving  grace.  my  ray  of  light.  i’m  so,  so,  so  pleased  with  the  way  he  was  handled.  while  i  admit  i  was  looking  forward  to  more  of  a  slow - burn  thing,  getting  a  bit  of  insight  into  his  presidency  and  possibly  exploring  a  dynamic  with  him  and  c-137  (we’ll  get  to  that)...  i  honestly  still  really  loved  what  ended  up  happening  with  him,  even  though  i  still  believe  on  some  level  that  they  just  wanted  to  tie  up  his  narrative  thread  so  fans  wouldn’t  remain  fixated  on  him.
of  course  he  did.  of  course  that  motherfucker  rick  created  a  boundary  within  the  infinite  multiverse  that  ensured  he’d  always  be  the  smartest  man  within  it  as  far  as  mortys  and  other  people  in  his  life  were  concerned.  i’ve  always  found  it  odd  that  such  universes  were  never  brought  up  even  in  passing;  the  nature  of  infinite  possibilities  always  dictated  that  someone  smarter  than  him  must  exist  out  there,  and  that  worlds  existed  where  he  was  nobody  special.
him  being  morally  gray.  i  could  cry.  i  was  clinging  on  to  the  hope  that  it  would  be  shown  he  hates  ricks  more  than  he  looks  down  on  mortys,  and  it  absolutely  was.  while  he  was  okay  with  killing  and  hurting  mortys  to  achieve  his  own  “selfish”  ends,  it’s  clear  that  he’s  unhappy  with  the  cycle  of  abuse  from  their  infinite  grandfathers  that  pushes  him  to  these  extremes,  loathes  the  concept  that  mortys  are  not  supposed  to  defy  their  ricks.  “if  you’ve  ever  been  sick  of  him,  you’ve  been  evil  morty  too.”  he  hates  ricks  FAR  more  than  he  does  mortys,  and  you  can  pry  that  from  my  cold,  dead  hands.  he  believes  mortys  are  beyond  help  because  of  the  way  they  stick  by  rick--  the  fact  they’re  literally  created  with  being  yes-men  for  rick  in  mind.
he  didn’t  seek  to  make  changes  for  the  greater  good  of  other  mortys  within  the  citadel.  i  think  he  understood  on  some  level,  it  was  impossible.  i  think  he  has  this  belief  that  other  mortys  are  part  of  the  problem,  because  they  perpetuate  the  cyclic  dynamic  of  toxicity  and  harm--  they  don’t  move  to  break  free  from  it  the  way  he  does,  and  so  he  feels  no  guilt  leaving  them  behind  while  he  breaks  into  the  aspect  of  the  multiverse  where  rick  has  no  power.  it’s  honestly  heartbreaking  that  he’s  come  to  have  a  mindset  like  that.  
i  think  seeing  c-137  reach  out  to  help  rick  up  once  again  instead  of  accepting  what  i  hope  and  pray  was  a  semi - genuine  offer  to  join  him  as  he  departed  was  just  yet  another  instance  of  him  witnessing  a  morty  doing  the  most  to  save  the  man  who  makes  their  lives  a  living  hell.  if  he  was  truly  unsympathetic,  he’d  have  made  no  such  offer.  if  he  thinks  a  morty  is  capable  of  pulling  away  from  the  hold  ricks  have  on  them,  he  wants  them  out  of  this  shit  just  as  much  as  he  himself  wants  to  break  free  from  it.  i  think  he  has  the  mindset  that  i  know  they  tried  to  play  it  off  with  “haha  the  other  seat’s  a  toilet,”  but  i  don’t  think  that  was  the  case  and  they  were  once  again  just  undermining  the  moment  for  no  good  reason.  SCREAMS!!  don’t  get  me  wrong  what  he  did  WAS  selfish  and  evil.  but  in  a  way  you  can  understand  where  it  derives  from
again,  it  REALLY  irritates  me  they’ve  undone  so  much  of  morty’s  character  just  to  ensure  he  wouldn’t  end  up  taking  evil  morty  up  on  his  proposition.  if  morty  had  retained  even  a  tenth  of  the  character  growth  he’s  been  having  from  late  season  four  until  towards  the  end  of  season  five,  wherein  it  began  to  unravel,  he’d  have  left  rick.  undeniably.
the  yellow  portal.  oh  my  god............
it  made  me  so  fucking  emotional  to  see  that.  he’s  won.  he’s  free.  
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bl-garbage · 3 years
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to dance is to unshackle
um, okay—how else do i express this buoyant happiness that Gaya sa Pelikula has awoken inside me? i’m in complete and utter awe. i did not expect a drop of what the sixth episode has brought us. more than satisfying, it’s utterly fascinating. this is quite a lengthy post, but if you have the time, please bear with me. and since we’re already here, let’s fucking dissect the shit out of this:
right off the bat, it’s sweet how consistently written Vlad was the entire time of the show. at the start of the episode, for one, he was concerned with Karl’s disposition, saying, “anong iniisip mo (what are you thinking)?” and, later on, as we know, he pops that question again in this episode. what are you thinking? always in limbo. true, it’s considerate, yet more than that, it’s always a sign of waiting for permission. Vlad has been like this since the beginning: observant and willing to reach out, confident on the surface, yes, but always afraid of going overboard. 
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that is not to say that Karl isn’t. in fact, the whole dynamics of their relationship rest on the fact that they can lean on each other and just be honest. many moments show this: Karl’s desire to shift; Vlad not getting  into the film lab and Karl knowing something was up; the entirety of Vlad’s birthday; Karl and Vlad’s reticence to open up to Anna, in contrast with how comfortable they feel with each other. in a nutshell, they’re each other’s homes. more on this later.
the part i was most frightened at with this episode was when Karl finally told his parents his desire to shift. to be honest, personally, i wouldn’t know exactly how that pressure on Karl feels, as i was able to study the degree i wanted. yet, back then, i had already known that my parents, who wholly supported me just the same, would have wanted a degree that leaned on science or engineering. that still sucked to know. Karl’s situation is much more complicated. his desire to shift to another course is to make up for lost time, a sense of hurrying before it really becomes all too late. this was a heavy lot to take in. the disappointment and anger in his father’s face when he dropped the bomb was too much to handle. Karl had expected it, yet its impact still hurled shrapnel that he was not able to dodge, sustaining him with several wounds. it would be curious to see how his parents come to terms with his confession. i am certain that a number of people have connected with Karl here.
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which brings me to another point. Gaya sa Pelikula creates these characters with their own agency. it’s touted as a BL series, yes, but our two main characters’ point is actually not to fall in love — but to live, part of which is to fall in love. they have their hopes and dreams and own burdens to carry, and while falling in love takes centerstage here, we see how they can stand alone, on their own two feet. falling in love is central to their growth, but it is evident that love is not the whole point of their existence. 
speaking of which: ate judit. ah, yes, where do i even begin to explain the exquisiteness with which ate judit was written? how, after all of five episodes, it was only now did it make sense why judit was overly, unnaturally caring and protective, a mama bear that would not let anything happen to his little Vlad. now we know why: guilt.  
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imagine that. being told you were the reason why your whole family went into shambles. there is much vindication in Vlad’s line of questioning, “why would you say that to a child?” (god, i’m tearing up even as i write this.) this was a pivotal scene, with a focal point on judit, the likes of whom we cannot entirely fault for not knowing any better. the fact remains that we are still in an era that fails to understand the spectrum of gender identities and the far utopia that we seek, where gender and sex would not be a damning classification anymore. and for true allies, it is in admitting that they “didn’t know then what [they] know now” that their support gains more strength. it is in confessing where they got wrong, how harmful their actions were, and in the commitment to do more, that their promise is made good.
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parenthetically, can we talk about Vlad’s mom as well? have you all noticed how her voice broke when she said, “siguraduhin mong hindi ka na itatanggi niyan, ha (just make sure he won’t deny you, okay)?” was that pain, or guilt even? i wonder if we’re ever going to see her. it would be a regret not to. for so long Vlad had thought that he was the reason his father left, and that his mother was mad at his queerness. i wouldn’t want this simple call to be the resolution that the show had for him. at any rate, we have two more episodes to await, so i am not going to strike my gavel on this judgment just yet.
but whereas Vlad found his longtime coming reconciliation with his sister, Karl had no one to turn to. his call to Vlad was a cry for help. it was heartbreaking to see him like this. Karl had always put up a fake smile against any adversity that had come his way. to him, these were trivial matters that would pass, and they did so — until now. after all he was, as we would later come to know, living a script that had been prewritten before he even came to being. that explains his nonchalant demeanor toward life, the seeming discontent behind those dead eyes, and a repeated hinting that he was always yearning for so much more. at the end of the call, Karl instinctively goes to the closet - and his proverbial closet - and sees the skeletons he had hidden inside, drop in a mess. 
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that it was Karl’s brother who was in the photo shook me. that past was so well thought out. things made so much sense in this episode: why Karl tried to fit in, why everything seemed so fake. why he was so discomforting to watch, even! that made sense now.  
and what do you do when everything has become a mess? the once seamless film that had been rolling without any glitches now sprawled on the floor, entangled in a hodgepodge well beyond fixing. when that happens, what do you do? well, you dance.
i have so many things to say about faux masculinity. it is a fact undisputed that in this society, gender roles are still very much pillars that we have yet to dismantle. our genders have been geared toward performativity, and our consolation is the external validation we receive through the acts of fitting in. in the process, we lose sight of what we really want. we blur the lines between what is and what should be, in favor of what society has demanded upon us. Karl took that role and lived by it religiously. yet, those things has gone haywire in this episode. more than his parents, it was to himself that Karl has finally admitted that the act can be dropped now: the fixed posture, those rehearsed lines, that painfully faux masculinity, on guard all the fucking time. all of those things were dropped.
that is not to say that Karl was faking all of it. there is no denying that Karl has been a masculine person most of the time. but the show portrayed before us a discarded femininity that Karl had been trying to bury deep inside him — one that all people who have been and who are still in the closet know by heart. the thing is, all of us have masculine and feminine sides, the expression of which vary at different levels in different situations. sadly, we have been preconditioned to believe that male persons must be masculine, and female persons must be feminine. Gaya sa Pelikula acknowledges this hegemony, and then throws it away all the same. true, Karl may very well be comfortable in his masculine expression, but his femininity must also be allowed to grow. one cannot be complete without embracing the entirety of who they are. many have died — been killed — for simply living who they are. society has long been a vicious environment. but people have also long fought for their fundamental right to perform these things, and through them, we know that things can change. that things are changing.
it is against this context that imprints more meaning, more gravity to when we finally, finally see Karl dance. in every sense, his dance was the show’s climax for me. it is, quite emphatically, freedom incarnate.
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when i say i fucking bawled at this scene, you best believe it.
quite important to note: when Karl sees Vlad, he stopped abruptly, only for Vlad to signal to him, in an OK sign, that what he was doing was perfectly fine. that Karl could be effeminate all he wants, and who the hell in this earth should care? this allowance has given Karl all the needed validation he will ever need, at least, for that one night where they could bare it all. it was only the two of them, but the house has never been more crowded, because their feelings have seemingly exploded and have been overflowing in a glorious climax for all of us to witness. in this scene, Karl has unshackled the chains with which he had been bound all that time, and it was Vlad who helped him finally break the last of those chains. in this moment, there was only pure bliss.
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(that the song playing here was Ride Home by ben&ben is the perfect giveaway. for non-Filipino readers who have only listened to ben&ben now, check this band out. it’s one of the best bands to have ever come out of the Philippine music industry.)
and, of course, in this waterfall of emotions, it is only perfect to time the moment of their first kiss. they have accepted each other, haven’t they? in a meaningful act (the gravity of which we will only realize in full later when Vlad tells the story of his dad), Karl rumpled Vlad’s hair, but only after Vlad had already consented to it. then, afterward, it was Vlad’s turn to ask, what are you thinking? to which Karl had this—and i know we all expected it, nevertheless—to say: i don’t want to think anymore. then they kissed.
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i swear to god. i only watched this for the 92432475781 time.
the denouement was so well put, too: now everything is put back into its own place. Karl’s brother. his death. his parents’ expectations. the substitution. Vlad’s father. his parents’ expectations. the horror of realizing one’s difference. the abandonment. in these stories, it becomes more and more permissible to believe that Karl and Vlad have easily found comfort in each other. to say that they are soulmates (as the creator, juan miguel severo, told on his twitter) is not an exaggeration.
and, make no mistake: Karl and Vlad did not find each other’s embraces out of pity. no. it would be unduly harsh to view them that way. rather, they found solace in each other’s embrace and warmth, but it is still they who will muster the courage to face their own demons. the only difference is, they now have each other to find some sort of release. they are not destructively dependent on each other; instead, they help each other grow into the versions of themselves that they can be proud of.
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finally, a couple of small things: look at the way Karl was inviting Vlad to lie in bed with him. that simple gesture harks us back to the early days of their dynamics: Vlad had expressed that it was okay to share a bed, but Karl was adamant that they do not. Karl had once dreamed of Vlad joining him there, and that scared him shitless. in contrast to that, now we have this: Karl himself inviting Vlad, and Vlad accepting for Karl’s wholehearted invitation. the moment this happened, there was a consummation of the expression of their love. if they had their doubts prior to this, those could not have been more obliterated now. 
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needless to say, i fucking, fucking loved this. as one who has only ever written three fanfics (2gether and History 2!), all of which seemingly related to sleeping (what the fuck, do i have a sleep fetish or something), this ending to episode 6 is just the cherry on top. 
their lines by the end particularly strike me. here we have Karl who wishes to create his own stories. on the other hand is Vlad who wishes that he be in charge of the endings, too. how do they do that? who knows? but the certainty that defines their pact is that they shall do it together, unbound and free to dance to the song they have chosen of their own accord. and that simple promise, made in each other’s tight embrace under artificially warm lights amid that early january weather, with no certainty at all of what tomorrow has to bring, has made all the difference. 
in 34 minutes, Gaya sa Pelikula has, yet again, done more than we could have ever expected.
i just checked and this reached 2k words. i’m not even gonna attempt to proofread this anymore. anyway, this is all i have to say for now. i just simply cannot let go of the best episode i’ve seen in this show without expressing my own reaction to it. 
(also: i’m thinking of writing a fanfic; that is, the morning after. just a one-shot, hopefully a cute one. as usual, an introspection of these characters, and what lies ahead. hope i actually get to write it!)
thank you so much, Gaya sa Pelikula. you are proof that things do change.
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life-rewritten · 3 years
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GIANTS OF BL 2021 AKA SHOWS LINED UP FOR GMMTV THAT WE WON’T STOP SCREAMING ABOUT!
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Is there a way I can get over the addiction of BLS? Apparently not because GMMTV came and slapped me across the face for ever thinking I could. Like what even was that conference? I came in like yeah I've heard the rumours. 6 BLs! LOL, you're kidding, like nothing I'd want would even happen. But I still made a list of everything I wanted from them and held that checklist in my mind and boy was I shocked! I ended up just on the floor, brain exploded, mind shut down and can you believe I was crying? Like why on earth was I crying for GMMTV BLs? Crazy right? I am absolutely left floored, I'm going to be crying as I write this by the way just so you know, I've got my heart full ready to burst, talking about the change we've seen in BLs this year, the journey, the growth; there's still some work to do, but GMMTV said they were also part of that, they were going to change and make us stay, wanting more. They did that in a 3-hour conference. My brain is ready, my mind is prepared, my heart is available for all these shows, and I can't wait to see what 2021 unfolds. Let's begin screaming:
Ratings: From 1 to 5 (1 being least excited to watch, 5 being most,) how excited am I to delve into these shows?
THE NICE SURPRISES
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BAKERY BOYS
Genre/Themes: Thriller, Bromance, Mystery, Psychological, Drama, Friendship, BL? (The manga is), Baking
Verdict: You know I love Antique when immediately I see that Foie's hands shaking as he has to be one of the waiters in the cafe, reminds me back to another favourite bodyguard of mine doing so. I was in shock; One because Antique was one of my first Korean 'BL' movies I saw, with all my favourite actors, an unusual and intriguing plotline and I ate it up; all of it. I didn't like how censored it was and the weird open ending for the relationship in the show. But I couldn't care less, something about it made me happy. I just loved the characters I think, and I enjoyed seeing our 4 bakers become friends and find a weird found family with each other. Add in a mystery to why Joon’s character wanted to kill himself and hated cakes? And I was sold. Now GMMTV is making a remake for it, and SINGTO is playing my favourite gay baker. Like I am so happy with this. Do I expect this to blow my mind? No. Do I expect more BL? A little? I'm not sure like GMMTV could make Antique a BL if they want to, Korea hinted to it, Japan ignored it in anime and others, but Thailand could change that. I'm not holding hopes for it, but I love this cast just as much as I love the Korean Cast like Lee Thanawat is perfect for this role, Singto is greater (I just love him so much) and we even have Pleum and Foei?? Are you kidding me? Greatness. It's going to be fun to see what they do with the mystery—something I greatly liked in the movie. Let's hope it's more fleshed out in the tv show. So excited!
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Ratings: 3.5/5 I mean it's not really a BL so it'll feel queer baity for me and I may end up being annoyed it, but I really do have fond memories of the Korean movie, so I want to be excited, and the cast is everything so we'll see.
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FISH UPON THE SKY
Genre: Unrequited Love, Comedy, Romance, Rivalry, Haters to Lovers, 
Verdict: 
DID SOMEONE SAY JITTIRAIN: THEORY OF LOVE? 2GETHER??? Sorry for screaming but like what else am I meant to do. Theory of love is my ultimate BL show, one of it anyway, one of the reasons will be discussed even more later with another show, but this is not about them. Also, 2gether is like one of the biggest BLs ever right now. Jittirain is genius, she has this ability to make you feel for her characters, root for their love stories whilst throwing plot twists everywhere. I also like that she always has a focus; theory of love, we had film theory, 2gether we had music, and now we have Fish Upon the Sky, and we have?
 Medicine? Love rivalry? Honestly, I don't know, the title even makes me feel even weird; what the hell does Fish upon a sky mean? But who cares it's a Jittirain classic, comedy, pain, longiiiing, and unrequited love, and scheming to get unrequited loves requited, more side couples and secretive characters. This time we have PHUWIN (had to emphasise that because he's impressive people stop sleeping on him!), one of my favourite youngins, showing up and becoming our main Pi and we have Pond a newbie, who has charisma for days, and he plays Mork, and they are love rivals. Wait what? A love story between two people who fall for each other after chasing after one guy? I'm ready for this, the haters to lovers, the pain of unrequited longing, but hold on it seems like a plot twist! Seems like we have another oblivious protagonist on our hand aside from Tine in 2gether, Pi can't even see that Mork isn't chasing after the same person as him, but for he's chasing after him! Sarawat scheming activated! I'm expecting giggles, chemistry and a great story. And it's going to be great because it's Jittirain. 
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Ratings: 4.5/5 It's not anything new but do I need to repeat my self? Theory of love pining and longing and emotions mixed with 2gether's secrecy, scheming and obliviousness? It's going to be great. The cast is also excellent, I have total faith in this show, better be a good director though (oh no nightmares from the last half of 2gether has returned). 
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FINDING ENCHANTE
Genre: Romance, Comedy, Angst, Drama, Friends to Lovers, Haters to Lovers, Harem, Mystery, 
Verdicts: 
Enchante that means nice to meet you aww. Wow, now I know French. Yay now where do I sign up to be like Theo and have 5 men chasing after me? Actually, that sounds like a nightmare, and I don't have time for that. He does apparently. Guess what guys! I knew I had a feeling in my gut when I watched this drama, I felt the memories, the intuition, the clues, hitting my brain, and I realised why. This show is also written by My gear and your gown's writer. YES! You mean more mystery and subtext filled storytelling, a show where I can analyse the character dynamics, and find clues to piecing the story together??? Perfection. As much as My gear and your gown wasn't everything to me, it was everything to me when I analysed it, I have fun with this writer's works when directed properly her works have great potential to be one of the best. I love GMMTV giving new actors the time to shine, and choosing stories that make my mind start working again. Thank you. 
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With this show we're having a love Simon flashbacks with our Simon being sent secret messages through a book by Enchante, he's sweet, caring and totally all about making our lead comfortable. Who could he be?
 The best friend who's totally pining from afar and playing off his feelings like its nothing?  My gut is already saying that Tine definitely wants it to be him (so again requited but they don't know trope? you've got me!)
Is it the playboy guitar extraordinaire played by GAWIN you heard me right GAWIN my Mork in Dark Blue Kiss!! Like what? Where've you been boy? He looks so great in this, by the way, he's a tease, likes to play our lead's feelings, and has chemistry because they're haters to lovers.  
Or is it FLUKE PUSIT?? What even is this cast how is it both my favourite actors are here? Anyways Fluke is an artist, he wants our lead to let him in so he can draw him, our lead is his muse apparently, and again chemistry that makes your head hurt because like who is this damn Enchante?? Who will Theo choose? 
Anyways we then have two people who I don't know that well sorry, Boom is the football captain that likes our lead and is always protecting him, and the other is a genius/nerd? Who helps Theo with his studies? Like wow, it must be great to be Theo, guys from different lifestyles and aesthetics have found him, they want him, they need him and one of them he wants and needs. I wonder who it is. 
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Ps people already thinking it's the best friend, not me, I think bestie is obviously endgame Tine is definitely also secretly wanting him to be with that pining and longing (I'm sure it's why he wants to find enchante desperately). I can't wait to see why these two refuse to let each other know how it feels. All I beg for is, please don't let New direct this. Guess what it's produced by X (Theory of Love! Hold on while I cry again) and Film! (Also theory of love!) Oh, this is going to be brilliant!
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Ratings: 4.5/5 This drama is probably going to be the most underrated because people have other things to care about I don't blame you, but I think for me, this would be a same favourite way I loved MGYG and I'm ready for new faces, Gawin and Fluke and a requited but they don't know it angsty love story plus I know the directing is going to be amazing!. Ps, I actually hate harems, but the excitement is in figuring out who on earth is Enchante and why this is happening! 
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THE BIG BOYS
GMMTV decided to not let me rest next year. How is it that I already felt happy by seeing Phuwin, Gawin, Fluke etc... I was content you know, I was like great we have a great line up I'm excited now I don't think there's anything else I secretly want that will happen. I'm being a clown, BUT NO. EVERYTHING I ASKED FOR: EVERYONE I WANTED TO SEE, EVERY TROPE I WANTED, THE DIRECTOR, THE PLOTS, EVERYTHING WAS MANIFESTED BY THESE THREE TRAILERS. That's why I ended up crying.  Because even till this day I can't believe this is real. I don't know when I'll finally think they will be real in 2021. Crying again!
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NOT ME 
Genre: Gang, Mafia, Crime, Romance, Drama, Stolen Identity, Twins, Angst
Not me? Not you? Not us? See how my mind scrambles when it comes to this show. Because I was determined to not be a clown and believe in this even when I saw OFF GUN hold onto each other on the motorbike I was like HA, nope they're just guest stars, when I saw them as gang members I was like HA; interesting probably not BL. When I saw two Guns, I was like HA, nice Gifted character flashback but still not BL. I won't fall for it,  this is a BAIT! You get me? BAIT!! Don't fall for it and then GMMTV was like shut up here's a kiss. And then I broke down and cried. Because it was a journey. 
Remember when I said Theory of Love was my favourite? It's because of these two; OffGun is everything, my favourite BL couple on screen, my favourite fanservice couple, everything. I thought that the end of theory of love meant I won't be seeing them for a while, they'd be in other series separate, they'd not want to be typecasted. Gun would go for serious roles, Off will choose more het romantic comedies, don't blame them. Still, I didn't think I'd see them again, and I wasn't sure I wanted to see them in another university setting. I set my mind on only seeing them in fan meetings and side projects, I'd made up my mind to miss them. And then NOT ME happened, and now I'm crying just at the thought;
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This isn't a cringy, comedic, cheesy BL. 
This isn't set in University.
This isn't'  unrequited pining from Gun to Off.
Gun is Dark! I repeat Gun went Dark he became a gang leader determined to break the law, called Black and Off; OFF went serious and he's Gun's right-hand man called Sean, and I'm just like wait is this real?? We're getting dark, gritty OFF GUN??? Are you serious?? See?? still can't believe it, and it's BL??? What is this? Christmas?? Like how did we get this, who came up with this idea THANK YOU SO MUCH. 
I thought nothing could beat theory of love for me and now OffGun came back and said HA you thought. I have a lot of feels about this, I will never stop screaming, I've rewatched that youtube trailer now for about more than 20 times, I'm not even kidding you, every day it's on repeat, I'm just ready, ready to write, to scream, to talk about this in so much detail. Let's get a plot that's deep, thrilling and mysterious, let's get a romance that is interesting, angsty but also sweet, let's get acting that is full of range, that will break my heart but fix it together again, let's get chemistry that would make me forget everything else. I'm ready for this. I've never been more ready!
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Ratings: 5/5 What were you expecting? I can't even rate this anything else, nothing about this is worrying; even the director I trust she's also worked with Gun before in another movie of his, she respects LGBTQ, and she wants to make a great BL. I just can't believe this is real. 2021 come faster, I beg you. 
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BAD BUDDY 
Genre: Forbidden romance, Haters to Lovers, Romance, Comedy, Opposites attract, Angst, Friends to Lovers, 
Verdict: 
You thought my screaming would be over. But no. GMMTV wasn't done with me yet. It's like it knew I was mourning from my lack of Ohm Pawat after rewatching He's coming to me (review here) and it knew I had just finished watching Gifted Graduation and felt slighted to see my opportunity at seeing Nanon as a BL character being taken from me with that finale. GMMTV knew I was empty without them and decided to mock me, and put me back together by making OHM NANON in a series together,. 
Again the same process as Not me; I started laughing when I saw the trailer like a mad person. I was like this is clearly a queer bait bromance, HA, not falling for it GMMTV almost got me this time, but then there were the stares, the Romeo and Juliet energy, the sneaking into each other's rooms, the becoming secret friends despite being haters to lovers, the skinship, the intimacy, and then the jealousy, the pining, the longing, the are we just friends scene??? WAIT, WHAT IS THIS?? Why is AOF directing this (same director of ALL my favourite BLS), what is this GMMTV? 
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Nanon wouldn't be in a BL we know this, we've been clowns, but we accepted this with defeat, why is he now saying he's doing one because of the cast? THIS IS A BL? NOT BAIT? NOT A TRICK? BY AOF? WHATTTTTTT???? see my mind exploded. 
Since then it hasn't still comprehended this. This is insane, do you know how good, how genius, how amazing Nanon and Ohm Pawat is?? Do you see the power this holds? The fact it's directed by Aof who's like one of the best directors ever in GMMTV??? Do you even know what this means? For this GENRE??? Sorry, I have to scream. I still can't believe this! This is something someone would say, and we'd laugh it of as a joke like yeah right, in your dreams, but it's real, and it looks absolutely amazing, is it a university setting YES, so what? This is everything, with haters to lovers but not really, to Romeo and Juliet pining and longing, to the chemistry that takes your breath away. To just Ohm and Nanon in a screen together being in love. Yep, you guessed it my mind is never goanna be whole again after this breakdown. Guess what I'm okay with it. 
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Ratings: 5/5 OhmNanon, Aof that's it. That's the post.
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A TALE OF A THOUSAND STARS
 Genre/Themes: Military, Romance, Comedy, Drama, Heart Transplant, Unrequited Love, Fish out of water, 
Verdict:
 And we come to this big one here. You see it? It screams 2021 show of the year to me, it screams incredible plot and romance to me, it screams unique and exciting BL to me. Guess what? It's also by Aof. Ha. It took me a year to accept this is happening because when the trailer came out, I knew that with this cursed genre that this was too good that there'd probably be some kind of issue with it. But did it matter? No! Because this was real. Earth and Mix were in a BL together, and it looks so amazing, so great, and it's coming in less than 3 months. I'm going to cry. And it means everything; because there's a hint of character dynamics, angst and also haters to lovers. I see the chemistry, the production, the plot, the actors, and I just feel so ready for this show that I have no other words to say except I love it, I love it, I love it!. 
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Ratings: 5/5 It's taken years, but I'm ready for this, I just want the trailer now, I want the show now, I want 2021 to start now. This is definitely a giant for sure, it's everything, and I can't wait for it. 
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After screaming at everything; 2021 starting with ATOTS is already a sign, we're in for a great year with so many incredible changes in this genre. GMMTV isn't messing around, with subs in their event to show international fans are no longer forgotten and are heard and respected, with actors that have made their way into my heart and refuse to leave, and I'm just so happy. It may seem so extreme to be this excited for a BL series to be good, but I love this genre, I love seeing what it represents to so many people, I love the interesting storylines, the discussions you can have for days because of it, the tears, angst, and happiness you feel. But most of all I love how BL has brought out writing from me, I'm happy when I analyse this genre, I'm delighted discussing real-life links and conversations derived from it, I'm so glad learning and humbling my self and opening my mind to new things. BL has been a source of excitement, shock and happiness this year. I can't for next year to be even more splendid, and with this line-up, it's going to be even more than that. It's going to break the world. Can't wait. 
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gameofdrarry · 3 years
Text
Wizards Hearts Recs: Werewolf Creature!Fic
Wizards Hearts was a four-month-long Drarry reading fest. Players were given a playing deck of 52 tropes, and were asked to find 52 different fics to read and comment on to fill their decks. To prevent the same few fics from being read, fics were restricted to only being used for the game three times before being considered ineligible for further points. The tropes and submissions list can be found here.
Check out the masterlist of fics for this trope below the cut!
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📜 Embers by shiftylinguini Rated:  Explicit Words:  41216 Tags: Post-Hogwarts, First Time, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha Draco Malfoy, Omega Harry Potter, Werewolves, Heat Companion Harry Potter, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Masturbation, Knotting, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Scent Marking, Scent Kink, Come Marking, Dirty Talk, sexual negotiation, H/D Career Fair 2017 Summary:  Werewolf Alphas aren't meant to be alone, or to suppress their ruts indefinitely like Draco has been since he was bitten eight years ago. He needs company, companionship, to knot ― he needs an Omega Heat Companion. At least, that’s what the Healers say, and even Draco can admit contacting the person they’ve referred him to might be nice. Of course it turns out to be bloody Potter. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Heart Like Neon by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill) Rated:  Explicit Words:  41103 Tags: Sex Work, Sex worker Harry Potter, Rentboys, rentboy Harry potter, Past Harry/Ginny - Freeform, past Draco/Theo, Harry/OMC - Freeform, Trans Male Character, Trans Female Character, Switching, Transphobia, Tattoos, hung harry, POV Alternating, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Rimming, Comeplay, Watersports, Duelling, Facials Summary:  Bored of being The Chosen One, Harry discovers he rather likes sex and becomes a professional. He’s good at it, and part of why is that he can read people. Not minds, not Legilimens, but their whole self, and he can give them what they don’t even know they want. Enter Draco fucking Malfoy, enigma to everyone, including himself. Harry can’t help but want to break into him, to figure him out. And Draco, thinking he’ll fuck Potter on a lark, has no idea what he’s in for. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Who we are in the shadows by Quicksilvermaid Rated:  Explicit Words:  99714 Tags: Dubious Consent, werewolf instincts, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, child trafficking, Brief Claustrophobia, Past Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Past minor character death, Past Child Death, Bigotry & Prejudice, prejudice against werewolves, internalized prejudice, Murder, Stabbing, Poison, Hallucinations, Creature Fic, Werewolf Harry, Werewolves, Auror Harry Potter, Case Fic, Masturbation, wanking, werewolf attack, Aural Voyeurism, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Biting, Marking, Claiming, Scenting, Possessive Behavior, Jealousy, Rough Sex, Edging, Secrets, Lies, Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed, Loyalty, Loyalty Bond, Bonding, Angst, Domestic, Falling In Love, Enemies to Lovers, Self-Acceptance, Emotional Growth, Angst with a Happy Ending, References to Auror Brutality, H/D Erised 2019, Comeplay, Wall Sex, sex without lube, Identity Porn, Secret Identity Summary:  What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life. When he comes across Draco Malfoy in the criminal underbelly of Wizarding London and in need of protection, Harry figures bringing him in to face the Ministry's justice is his ticket back to everything he's lost. But nothing is exactly as it seems. Not even Harry himself. And as he gets drawn further and further into Malfoy's world of honour and deception he finds himself questioning everything he thought he knew—about his childhood nemesis, the Ministry job he misses so much, and most of all, about himself. What happens when you’re forced to see that you were wrong? ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 The Elusive Mate by 0idontknow0 Rated:  Explicit Words:  25786 Tags: Rating: NC17, Fanart, Creature Fic Summary:  Harry had done it (a) to save lives and (b) because the idea of him being Malfoy’s mate was clearly ridiculous, but now he had to tell Malfoy. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Finding A Place To Call Home by marysiak Rated:  Explicit Words:  54747 Tags: Alternate Universe, Creature Fic, Werewolves, Post-Hogwarts, Rough Sex, Top Draco Malfoy, Bottom Harry Summary:  Feeling directionless after the war, Harry is unexpectedly torn out of his own universe and thrust into another, where he must hide out with Remus Lupin, Teddy and Draco Malfoy as Severus Snape and Hermione try to find a way to send him home and save both his and his unwitting doppelganger's lives. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 as much a light as a flame by p1013 Rated:  Explicit Words:  6303 Tags: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Mating Rituals, Werewolf Draco Malfoy, POV Draco Malfoy, Knotting, Scent Kink, Mating Bond, Outdoor Sex, Anal Sex, Comeplay, Art, Claiming, H/D Sex Fair 2020 Summary:  His mother paints a wolf on his chest, its eyes bracketing his heart, and its muzzle pointed towards his groin. His aunt fills in the spaces around his waist and ribs with symbols he's lost the meaning of in the wash of whatever plant had been mixed in with the steam. They move after her brush leaves his skin, turning from incomprehensible marks to his name to wolf to home to hunt and then back to misunderstanding again. His legs are painted in patterned bands, starting from his ankles and ending at his upper thighs. His groin is left unmarked, the pale and empty skin meant to leave no doubt of the Claim once he makes it. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Burning the Ground by lq_traintracks (lumosed_quill), traintracks Rated:  Explicit Words:  10256 Tags: A/B/O-ish dynamic, Were-Creatures, Knotting, Rough Sex, Anal Sex, Bondage, Blow Jobs, sex on the floor, Rimming, Auror Harry Potter, Healer Draco Malfoy, Mildly Dubious Consent Summary:  "Strap him down," someone said, and Harry felt the rage thicken inside him -- the viscous fear. Magical bindings pulled taut around his wrists . . . He felt a wand touch his arm and then a sharp bite as something punctured the skin, and a sweet, cool tonic rushed his veins. His breathing slowed. His eyelids drooped. The ceiling went grey and dark. And then he heard a woman's voice sigh, "Someone, get Healer Malfoy." ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Omega's Binding by Madriddler Rated:  Explicit Words:  49405 Tags: Hogwarts Sixth Year, Alpha/Omega, Omega Harry, Werewolves, Knotting, Fluff and Angst, Anal Fingering, Size Kink, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Watersports, No Horcruxes Summary:  After a violent encounter, Harry Potter is turned into a werewolf. An Omega Werewolf, to be exact. Now dealing with heats and the ability to get pregnant, Harry must learn to live with his new forms and life, while a desire for revenge fuels him. Will he be able to resist his heat and vengeance? Or will he fall into an instinctual lust, and look for his Alpha? ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 The Light More Beautiful by firethesound Rated:  Explicit Words:  81255 Tags: Hogwarts Sixth Year, Dubious Consent, Potions Accident, Post-Hogwarts, Aurors, Returning Home, Owls, Drinking, Hand Jobs, Blow Jobs, Shower Sex, Masturbation in Shower, Knotting, Rimming, Falling In Love, Case Fic, Loss of Virginity, Acronyms, Motorcycles, Christmas, Quidditch, Pining Summary:  Thirteen years after Draco accepts Potter's help escaping the horror of his sixth year, he returns to England where he makes the unfortunate discovery that Potter is still as obnoxious as ever. And worse, more than a decade overseas hasn't been enough to dim Draco's obsession with him. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Run With Me by dragontara Rated:  Mature Words:  16738 Tags: Animagus, Creature Fic, Werewolf Draco, Animagus Harry, Bottom Draco, Bonding, Knotting, snarky Draco Summary:  Draco and Harry meet in the Forbidden Forest in their wolf forms falling fast and hard and eventually bonding with each other. Unfortunately bonding in their animal forms doesn't mean they are happily bonded straight away in a real life too. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Taro Milk Tea with a side of Depression by VeelaWings Rated:  Mature Words:  1073 Tags: Pre-Slash, Screenplay/Script Format, Conversations, Veela Draco Malfoy, Werewolf Harry Potter, Guidance Counselors, in therapy, Depression, Self-Hatred, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Morbid Humor, Inappropriate Behavior from a Professional, H/D Hurt!Fest 2020 Summary:  Draco sat through twenty grievous minutes of Ministry-mandated group therapy for Newly Registered Magical Beings & Creatures — then promptly stormed out. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Blood Moon Rising by noelleification Rated:  Mature Words:  38322 Tags: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Werewolf Draco Malfoy, Wolfstar is canon, Sirius Black Lives, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Draco Malfoy is a Little Shit, Adoption, Slowburn Adoption, Drarry might happen at some point, idk - Freeform, Remus and Sirius adopt draco, Remus and Sirius as dads, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, So much angst, seriously get ready for angst, Abusive Lucius Malfoy, Lucius Malfoy Being an Asshole, Harry Potter but it's ridiculously gay, Gay Draco Malfoy, Gay Disaster Draco Malfoy, Trans Hermione Granger, Because we don't support TERFS in this household, Yearning, Sirius and Remus are in love but it doesn't mean they're smart enough to know it yet, so get ready for them to pine for awhile, uhhhhhh just have tissues ready I guess, I'm gonna try my hardest to make you cry, You're gonna suffer..., But you're gonna be... happy about it?, Enemies to Lovers, Friends to Lovers, traumatized Draco, Draco Malfoy Has Issues, Tonks is best girl, Tonks as lesbian wine aunt, Tonks has big sister vibes, Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks Never Happened, Everyone is LGBT, because fuck jk rowling, Found Family, Whump, this shit hurted, Parental Remus Lupin, Parental Sirius Black, Torture, Aftermath of Torture, this shit gets dark yall, just be prepared Summary:  Draco Malfoy is cursed. Ever since Fenrir Greyback ripped him to shreds, Draco has transformed into a monster every month on the full moon. The change is painful, and living with Lucius Malfoy might be worse. But Draco is strong. He doesn’t need anyone, especially not Remus Lupin. Remus Lupin might be the only person in the world who understands what Draco is going through—but he has enough on his plate, between the still-raging wizarding war, the publicized nature of his status as a werewolf, and his best friend, Sirius Black, who Remus might think of in a more-than-friendly way. He certainly can’t take in a seventeen-year-old Death Eater—can he? ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 A Howling Good Time by FleetofShippyShips Rated:  Explicit Words:  5819 Tags: Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Post-Hogwarts, Established Relationship, Werewolf Draco Malfoy, Full Moon, werewolf/human sex, Transformed Werewolf/Human Sex, Knotting, Consent Given Prior, Multiple Orgasms, Overstimulation, Morning After, Aftercare (delayed?), Scent Kink, Fluff, (hahaha both literal and emotional), Don't copy to another site, Come Scent Kink (i.e. some post-sex bum sniffing) Summary:  They’d talked about this, and Draco had agreed that he would try it for Harry, once Harry had convinced him he was utterly serious and not fucking with him. The timing, however, was entirely up to Harry, and he'd decided tonight, this full moon, was the night. ❤️ Read on AO3
📜 Am I a werewolf? by a_reader_and_writer Rated:  General Words:  1230 Tags: Werewolves, Curses, Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest, Dramatic Draco Malfoy, Boyfriends, Fluff and Crack Summary:  Draco is hit by the werewolf curse. The healers send him home and tell Harry and him to watch the symptoms. Of course this isn't as easy as it sounds with our drama queen Draco. ❤️ Read on AO3
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jellybeanbeing · 3 years
Text
Favorite Books of 2020
I read 50 books this year, here are my top favorites:
9. Chain of Gold by Cassandra Clare // One of my most anticipated books of 2020 and it did not disappoint. This wasn’t the first Shadowhunter book I’ve read and so I was aware going into this one that, with this being the first book to a new series, there was gonna be some info dump and A LOT of build up. I wasn’t mad at it though. Besides that, I can already tell that this series is going to be my favorite in TSC. The story is already so complex with such vibrant and interesting characters and character relationships. I cried my eyes out at the end of this book because I could just feel the pain in certain characters and I am so ready to be hurt with the two upcoming books.
TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: substance abuse, emotional manipulation
8. Get a Life, Chloe Brown by Talia Hibbert // This was the first ever adult romance book that I read, and boy, did it make me fall in love. I had no idea what I was going into when picking this up because I had never read an adult romance novel, and I was soooooooo pleasantly surprised that it sent me into an adult romance book binge. This is still at the top because hot damn, the relationship was just fantastic. It was sooooo cute, and what I loved so so much was that the characters had lives outside of their relationships. They grew individually while still engaging in their relationship. It never felt boring or stilted. It was so refreshing to read that. The amount of communication and comprehension that was present was amazing. The smut scenes were just fucking perfection. I loved everything about this book! 
TRIGGER WARNING (provided in the author's note of Get a Life, Chloe Brown): "This story touches on the process of healing after an abusive relationship."
7. You Deserve Each Other by Sarah Hogle // Let me just say here that this is suuuuuuch a romantic book. There were so many lines that had my heart aching and crying. This was the first book I read where the lovers to enemies to lovers trope existed, and after this one, I want more. I looooved the regrowth of their relationship, seeing the two become friends again, and really really communicate with each other and listen to each other. It was so goddamn cute and wholesome and endearing. This book was also so humorous and I found myself actually laughing at certain parts. One thing that I really really appreciated was that though the book’s perspective was only from one side of the relationship, it never pinned all the blame on the other person. This was a story that could’ve easily turned into that, where the other person is the bad guy, but it was acknowledged that both sides were at fault for the falling out of the relationship. I had such a great time reading this one!
6. The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hoang // I fell absolutely in love with this one, especially after a brief reread. It is sooooo freaking cute and easy going and wholesome and romantic and perfect. I love the two main characters and how well they fit together. They understand each other and respect each other and care for each other so so deeply. The communication was so perfect, the smut scenes were top tier amazing, the growth of their affection towards each other was so cute, and everything was just great. I loved the family aspect of this one! It felt natural and genuine. This book was just everything good.
5. Kids of Appetite by David Arnold // One of the last books I read in the year, and here it is! This reread was well overdue. Anyway, I loved it! I loved it way more than my first read. The found family trope in this one was literally so perfect and felt like a warm hug. I LIVE for the friendships in this one. I absolutely loved how everything tied together at the end and how everything was connected. It made me so emotional, and yes, I did cry. A lot. The romance between Vic and Mad was also really cute and wholesome! The grief that was explored in this one was also so so good. It felt so personal and it made my heart ache. Yes, this book will still remain as one of my all time favorites. I loved it.
TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: PTSD, physical abuse, death of a loved one, murder, violence
4. The Right Swipe & 3. Girl Gone Viral by Alisha Rai // Okay, but these are top fucking tier romance books! I’m grouping them together because they are part of the same series (Modern Love). I’m usually not a fan of social media or modern day lingo in books because I do find it cringy but I don’t know, it fucking works in these two for me. The Right Swipe is a second chance romance, and I loved it! Rhi and Samson have such great chemistry and their banter was so good. Girl Gone Viral had me smiling like an idiot throughout the whole thing. It was so fucking cute! Also, it was my first bodyguard trope like book, and I like it? Anyway, what I love about both books is how great the communication and comprehension is between the couples. They understand the other person’s boundaries and have conversations like mature people. I also LOVE how the main characters are so well developed and intriguing individually. There’s enough about both characters and who they are and how they run their lives where I felt a connection with them. I found myself caring about each character outside of their relationship and rooting for them. They grow individually but they also grow within their relationship. Also, what perfect endings these two have. It’s not at all cheesy (though I’m not opposed to them) and/or dramatic. They were so realistic, intimate, and heartwarming. And lastly, the smut scenes were chef’s kiss. Great. Fantastic. These two books are the best romance books I’ve ever read, and I will die on this hill saying that.
The Right Swipe TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: sexual harrasment (the book discusses sexual harassment in the workplace), emotional and mental abuse, healing after the death of a loved one, anxiety, mentions of panic attacks
Girl Gone Viral TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: PTSD, mentions of unhealthy eating habits (restrictive), emotional and mental abuse, depictions of panic attacks, anxiety
2. Deposing Nathan by Zack Smedley // This was my first book of the year, and yes, it is up this high because it was so great and memorable. I read this at the most perfect time in my life. I was initially really exciting for it, and I was so happy that it matched my expectations. While the book’s main focus is on the events of what happened that led to the start of the book, it deals with such as topics about sexuality and religion. It was such an emotional and intense book for me, and I felt like this book poured out the thoughts that were swimming in my brain. I loved the characters and how certain things played out. None of it to me, felt unrealistic. It was genuine and heartbreaking while still a bit heartwarming. This book is truly a gem, and I will love it forever.
TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: child abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, mental manipulation, violence, homophobic slurs, homophobia
1. An Ember in the Ashes series by Sabaa Tahir // With how much I posted about this series, it’s no surprise that it’s numero uno on this list. I love this series with my entire soul, being, existence, it is literal perfection. Yes, I’ve had my fair share of complaints about this book series but fuck that, it is sooooo good. The characters are so amazing and complex, and their development over the course of the four books is so emotional and heart wrenching. I found a part of myself with each character and I was (and still am) so attached to them. The romantic relationship, the familial relationships, the friendships, all the relationships were so well done. I could feel the true connection in every dynamic. I love it so much that it hurts. The plot itself is so fucking good. The slow world building it has is one of my favorite things. It allows you to take in the world slowly and at a good pace. It continues to grow and evolve and reveal itself the further you go with each book. The dialogue is fucking fantastic. It’s flows so well and is well done. Yes, it gets fancy but it’s soooooo smooooooooth. The writing is just sooooo beautiful. Gorgeous. A beauty. I have different posts dedicated to my favorite lines in each book, and boy do they hit the emotional spot. This book series has had such a huge impact in my life and the fact that it’s over doesn’t even feel real. I have cried for five days straight because I won’t get to read this series or about these characters anymore, like I HAVE NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. Not to mention that the tears are also because of book four and the bittersweetness it left me with. I could go on for days about how absolutely amazing and fantastic this book series is. I would highly recommend it. Get wrecked by it. Love it. It will hurt your soul.
TRIGGER/CONTENT WARNINGS: mentions of rape, mentions of sexual assault, violence (some scenes are graphic), murder, death of loved ones, depictions of grief, PTSD
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Akudama Drive Character Opinions/Thoughts Pt. 1
Yay!! I finally finished Akudama Drive today! I’m so so sorry for not posting recently, I’ve been very busy with the holidays and semester exams. But at last, I finally sat down and binged from about episode 6 through to the end, and OH. MY. GOD. I have so many thoughts and emotions running through my head!! 
So today I thought I would give a very honest review/my opinions for EVERY character in Akudama Drive just for the heck of it and to help cope with the sadness of the show being over.  Thanks for sticking with me! <3 
So obviously, this will be spoiler heavy, but I assume that everyone reading knows that. xD Okay! This’ll probably be long and really long winded, but off we go! 
Swindler: Oh gosh. Where do I even begin with her?? Swindler’s character was so intriguing to me from the get go, what with us not knowing much about her (and even in the end still not knowing much about her past). I was pretty neutral towards her in the beginning, but MAN. After that scene where she killed those two guys protecting Sister. MAD Respect. I think that that marked a turning point for me liking her. I found her a bit much at times when she didn’t seem to show extreme emotions at the deaths of Hacker, Hoodlum, etc. But I obviously know that she was wrapped up into all this tea by accident and that her actions (While at times potentially suspicious) were completely justified, such as her fears, her desire to protect Brother and Sister, and her confusion as she slowly began her descent into the craziness that was the Kanto-Kansai situation. It was super enjoyable seeing how she grew, and I really wanted her to succeed and be happy. Her death scene made me cry. Also those scenes with Sister and her were so CUTE. <3
Courier: To be completely honest, I didn’t really have any strong emotions towards Courier for the majority of the season. He was frickin badass as all hell, but in terms of the character himself, I thought he was alright. That definitely changed though by the end of the season! We see him deliver a gift to Sister without any fee (Brother’s “dying” wish) and we sympathize with his tragic backstory involving the unnamed woman murdered in his home (mother? Sister?) I loved that addition because we get to see more about the coin itself and why he views it as bad luck. Super neat. I think his interactions with Sister and Swindler are cute, and makes me think of them as sort of like a family. UwU Also his love for Takoyaki/cooking is a pretty fun contrast to his stoic outside. I’m not sure that I ship Courier and Swindler (I can 100% see it though :3). I see them more as two individuals who are bound together by fate (the coin) and have grown to respect one another while learning/surviving in this crazy world. I was definitely sad to see him go, but I’m super happy that I got to love his character a lot more by the end! What a cool guy. His dedication/the way he went above and beyond for Sister and Brother in the end? Perfection. My first pick for a zombie apocalypse team. 
Brawler: He’s wholesome for sure. I’m usually not a big fan of big, tough guys in anime, but he reminds me of the traditional Danganronpa stereotype of the fighter with a warm interior. His interactions with Hoodlum made me like him so much more and appreciate what he brought to the table. I’m sad that he’s not recognized more. He's super badass in his own right and I feel sort of guilty for not realizing it while he was alive. Like cmon girl. It pissed me off the way that the Doctor was treating him after he died (also. That. She killed him. >:O) Like. Is that all you saw him as? I get angry when the POC characters always die first/disrespected by other characters for the sake of “comedy” and whatnot. Like as a POC myself...it’s not cool. But overall, I liked him for who he was. I didn’t care for him too too much, but I definitely wanted him to be happy and enjoyed those sweet moments of excitement he had when fighting, even up to his last moments. 
Hoodlum: He was the one character in Akudama Drive that I was not expecting to like as much as I did. Again, not my favorite, but MAN was he entertaining! I ADORED how much character growth we got from him. I was really rooting for him up until the end (I got super excited when he killed Doctor...and then really sad. CoMe oN) Initially in the first episode, he just seemed to be the classic sort of cowardly idiot, but after he met Brawler you can tell he changed a lot. The dynamic was super fun! Even after Brawler dies, the moments that show Hoodlum coping with his death are amazingly sad, for example, when he says “check this out,” or when he gets angry when no one else seems to care about his death. (SAME Hoodlum. SAME.) The anger and grief that Hoodlum feels is portrayed in an interesting way (he begins to lose himself and submits to Doctor’s manipulation/alternative resources in Kansai). In the end, I’m so happy that he was the one to kill Doctor, because not only was he avenging his friend’s death, but also standing up for himself in a way that he hadn’t done in the series up to that point. Overall. Loved the development of my boi. 
Doctor: This woman. I tell ya got on my nerves. Holy moly. But I should clear things up! At first when she was introduced I thought she was super cool for sure! We s t a n n  a queen to put them boys in their places, but as time went on I started disliking her more and more. Don’t get me wrong, there are parts about her that I think are amazing! For example, I loved her motivations for studying the children (interesting), her poisons/ability to heal were incredibly useful, her voice actor, and sometimes she was just a bad bitch. Like go off queen. But at the same time, I really found her bothersome. I don’t really know when I started to notice it as much, but I just didn’t care for the way that she called Brawler a “Dreadlock Gorilla” ...because like. Um. NO. I also didn’t like how she manipulated Hoodlum (obviously that’s totally in character, but still). As the show went on Doctor just really didn’ vibe with me for some reason. I guess I just didn’t like her as much as the other characters and I know it’s terrible to say, but I was glad when she died. I don’t know what else to say. I stopped liking her. ://
Hacker: Right from the beginning I knew he was my favorite character. <3 I think the aesthetic was super cool and I loved loved the similarities between him and a certain SHSL computer programmer. ;) I appreciated the little moments with him, for example when Cutthroat pushed the emergency buttons on the airbus, the whole “parting-gifts” idea, the drones, etc. His abilities that he brought forth were incredibly useful and without his sacrifice the final mission of rescuing Brother and Sister would’ve been impossible. I LOVED that his role expanded even after he left the group in the early stages (;-;), we can see he was behind the blackout, the hijacking of several systems (including the propaganda videos), and how he was able to play the puppet master by controlling/saving his old teammates. I just think that his abilities to hack and to literally do anything that he pleases was super badass. I feel like out of all of them, Hacker is one of the few that genuinely feels more human (in the sense that he seeks out a new place to call home/excitement, etc.) which I loved. Overall my favorite character...I’m still a little salty about his death and the fact that no one really acknowledged his sacrifice. >:((
Hope you enjoyed that long ramble! Check Out Pt. 2! 💕
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thoughts on obi-wan and ahsoka's relationship?
ahsoka and obi-wan are one of my favorite pairs, thank u for asking!! i think of one the most telling things about obi-wan and ahsoka's relationship is that at the beginning of tcw movie, obi-wan is the one who has put in a request for a padawan and is eager to have a new student; however, once it becomes clear yoda's placed ahsoka with anakin, obi-wan doesn't bother requesting a padawan again. it's fairly obvious to me that obi-wan's automatic response to anakin getting a padawan is 'well obviously i'm going to be her REAL master'.
that's maybe a biiit of an exaggeration - he certainly never tries to overstep and challenge anakin's choices with ahsoka. i'm hesitant to assign labels in the obi-wan/anakin/ahsoka family dynamic, mostly because the characters themselves seem to have conflicting opinions about their relationships (anakin: "obi-wan is basically my dad"; obi-wan: "anakin is my like my brother"; me: "is it any wonder these two can't successfully get through a conversation?")... but that said i personally read obi-wan and ahsoka as very indulgent grandpa/favorite grandchild. he half loves ahsoka running into danger because how does it feel now anakin? and half frets because he thinks he's the only responsible one in this family. he calls her 'our padawan' when speaking to anakin, and he's clearly just as invested in her growth as a person as anakin is.
but i think the distance of obi-wan not feeling like it was his specific job to scold ahsoka in a lot of ways helped ahsoka to have a more positive relationship with obi-wan than anakin did. anakin and obi-wan constantly bicker, and while most of it is done with love, there's some real resentment from anakin underneath it all about obi-wan constantly criticizing him. ahsoka never felt that way, and there's never an instance that i know of where obi-wan's teasing touched a nerve. she has the closeness of obi-wan being family without the resentment of him being her only parental figure, and i think they share a similar sense of humor that helps endear them to one another. half the time, the two of them are ganging up on anakin.
which brings me to another interesting point about their relationship... obi-wan in some ways thinks of ahsoka as being more emotionally mature than anakin, despite her age and rank. now, i don't think there can be any doubt obi-wan had complete and utter faith in anakin as a jedi.... but he also never quite learned how to handle anakin's outbursts, and despite good intentions, his worries often came across as condescension. he rarely ever takes that attitude with ahsoka; in fact during arcs like the zygerrians he basically confides in ahsoka his worries about anakin and tells her to look after him. he's rarely that open with adult anakin, you know 15 year old anakin would never have gotten into that circle of trust. ahsoka grows up so terribly fast because of the war that i'm not sure she even recognizes at the time how much trust obi-wan had in her, but i think adult ahsoka would often think back to those moments.
i also feel a lot of their relationship dynamic comes down to the two of them having a shared cultural background that anakin can't 100% relate to. they both know what it is to grow up with no familial bonds, and ahsoka seems to be perfectly at peace with the idea of being raised by her community rather than a specific person--again alleviating some of the expectations obi-wan struggled with as a master to anakin. she's far more deferential to jedi masters than anakin, which both helps her relationship with obi-wan (she is not upset at all with him for faking his death because she understands it was a mission from the council, while anakin feels utterly betrayed) and creates a formal distance between them that never quite goes completely away, for all their warmth and affection.
ahsoka occasionally slips and calls anakin by his name, especially when emotional. the only time ahsoka uses obi-wan's given name is during their meet up just before mandalore, and her use of his name is quite pointed and almost a bit of an insult--she's making it clear that she no longer answers to him as a jedi master. notably, when ahsoka's softened a bit later on she refers to him with her usual 'master kenobi'. her version of an olive branch to obi-wan is a gesture of respect, whereas with anakin it would be an inside joke or knowing smile.
similarly, while obi-wan thinks the world of ahsoka he does NOT go to bat for her in the same way anakin does when she's on trial. i've always found this quote from dave filoni regarding obi-wan's actions during 'the wrong jedi' arc to be incredibly insightful. "In Obi-Wan we really see the Jedi because he is compromised. Obi-Wan doesn’t believe Ahsoka is guilty of these crimes, but he has a very hard time arguing politically that the Jedi Council shouldn’t do what they do to her. He trusts in the Force, which is what they love to say when they don’t know what they’re doing, and they expel her. He can’t argue the logic. He doesn’t like Tarkin’s logic [but he can’t argue] that they can’t try her within the Jedi because the public, which we show in this episode arc, who are losing faith in the Jedi, would cry foul ball.” obi-wan disagrees with what is being done, but he's careful to not obviously take her side and throw politics to the wind. he will stop himself from looking too attached. one small moment that breaks my heart is when ahsoka says she's leaving the jedi order, anakin runs after her and obi-wan immediately goes to follow, but plo holds him back and he stays. and isn't that just the story of obi-wan kenobi? he felt something, and then he let himself be held back.
i was pleasantly surprised that despite the quick pace of s7, ahsoka gets several moments where she expresses some resentment of obi-wan. really, these are more moments where she feels resentment for the jedi order, because that's what obi-wan represents to her in a way anakin doesn't. but despite that, she also wants to make sure she has his approval before he leaves, and it means something to her when he gives it.
in the same way that ahsoka still wants to honor many aspects of the way she was raised despite no longer being a jedi, ahsoka loves and respects obi-wan, even if she realizes they have some fundamental disagreements. the adult ahsoka we see later on echoes obi-wan almost as often as she does anakin. part of the reasons she is one of the (maybe the most?) well balanced force wielders is because she had multiple masters that she drew from and yet she didn't become an imitation of any of them. and her relationship with obi-wan is an important part of that.
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To Dear Myself Review/Rant
If you’ve had the patience to watch all 45 episodes until the end, then you probably know what I’m going to talk about in this review. I feel like it’s pretty unanimous that the ending was awful. 
It’s a slow burn slice-of-life drama. I don’t normally watch these types of dramas and instead go for the ones that are fantastical and far away from reality so that I can completely get lost in another world. But Liu Shishi and Zhu Yilong are familiar faces, and I’m more likely to start a bad drama with familiar actors than a good drama with unfamiliar actors, because I’m basic and want to invest as little attention and mental effort as possible (it takes work to warm up to new faces). 
The drama started off promising: it introduced obstacles that normal couples and families would face. Obstacles like money, social class, infidelity, unemployment, workplace competition, the value and desirability of “aging” women who prioritize work over love. It was relatable, even though some of these are unfamiliar experiences for me, a psychology grad student in her mid-20s. I didn’t expect this drama to be inspiring. I didn’t want this drama to be inspiring. But I wanted it to be at least logical, if not realistic. The drama seemed to promise reality though, which I held out hope for, but instead it butchered the character arc for most of the leads. 
[spoilers ahead]
The devolution of Li Si Yu and Chen Yi Ming’s relationship was laughable. 
LSY is afraid of marriage, while CYM believes that the ultimate goal in life is to get married and have a family. They don’t see eye to eye on this, and so the pressure causes them to break up. I respect this. It’s a common problem: you can’t really move forward when one isn’t ready to settle down, and the other isn’t willing to wait or support them. CYM is portrayed as a calm, composed, and morally upright person who feels uncomfortable when LSY makes a questionable decision. But CYM is also a hypocritical person who suppresses his feelings. Whenever he’s displeased, he acts as thought everything is fine until he can’t hide it anymore and explodes with unbidden rage. He punches the roof of the car, he slams the desk. It’s a little scary tbh. LSY is portrayed as a passionate and impulsive career-driven woman. She has to make tough decisions, and you understand why she makes them. Whenever she’s unhappy, she’ll let you know. The drama seems to set up a character development arc for these two flawed characters. 
LSY starts her own company, but then fails, and ends up learning that while it’s important to fight for what you believe in, but you shouldn’t be too caught up in whether your fail or succeed. It’s the classic “it’s about the journey, not the destination” kind of lesson. 
After a bout of heartbreak, CYM is swept off his feet by the manipulative Wang Ziru. She lies to him, evades him, controls him. At this point in the drama, we think that LSY is better off without him because he seemed to have moved on so swiftly. CYM and WZR seem to have a calmer relationship than the one he had with LSY. They never argue. We see that he’s easily attracted to confident, powerful women, but expects them to settle down with him when they’re not ready. For a third of the drama, he’s happily in love with WZR and doesn’t think about or interact with LSY (except when he comes to her office to tell her to shut her company “for her own good”). It looks like he completely moved on.
LSY on the other hand, misses him. She’s always looking at the only picture that she’s saved of them together. She still loves him. 
I liked that they introduced Guan Xiao Tong as a potential love interest for LSY. Despite being over a decade younger than LSY and constantly being looked down by her because of this, I thought he was quite mature. I also liked how LSY wasn’t “moved” by him. The typical drama would have her eventually reciprocate his feelings and make him her rebound. Yes, she was amused by him, but she knew that he wouldn’t grow up fast enough with her, and so she never led him on. It made their relationship wholesome. Even though LSY  wasn’t attracted to him, I liked how the drama normalized a potential may/december relationship between a woman and man. Though I don’t think I can forgive the drama was making him disappear so abruptly after he found out that his dad was struggling financially. Maybe the drama implied that GXT was too busy “growing up” by helping with his dad’s business so his relationship with LSY came to an end and that he was no longer relevant to drama, but that wasn’t made clear at all. 
Zhi Zhi also stopped appearing after the 3rd last episode of the drama when she decided not to marry the misogynistic Su Li Xing and to instead stay in Shanghai for her career, which also implied that there could be a chance for her and Liu Yang to get back together (their storyline is a whole other can of worms, but I have to admit that no other drama, movie, or book has made me cry as hard as Zhi Zhi confronting the mistress and then getting publicly slapped by her husband. Not sure if it was the drama itself that had the power to move me, or if it was because I watched that scene at 3am on a Thursday, or because it reminded me of some personal experiences, but either way, I sobbed hella hard that night).
But back to LSY and CYM. In the last 2 episodes of the drama, they start appearing together in scenes again. There are some unresolved emotions. There is still attraction. Nervous, longing, awkward glances. After nearly 20 episodes of believing that a reconciliation is impossible, you start wondering if the drama is hinting that they’re gonna force them back together in the last 2 episodes. CYM sells his apartment to support LSY’s project. Haowen tells LSY that CYM still calls out her name when he’s drunk (although it’s still unclear if this was just a gimmick to distract her to sign the sale agreement). 
CYM can’t give WZR a straight answer about whether or not he still loves LSY. He punches Gong Jing in the face for cheating LSY out of her shares. 
And even after all this, guess what happens? He confronts WZR. She tells him she lied to him to help him preserve his dignity. She tells him she had to do underhanded, unethical things in order to save the livelihood of an entire company that she’s responsible for. He’s moved. He’s grateful for her thoughtfulness towards him. He stands by her. He chooses her. 
I mean, what? Does he really love her that much that he’s willing to look past everything she’s done? All the crimes and hurt she’s committed? I don’t need to him to get back together with LSY. I don’t want them to. I think he’s a terrible character who believes that happiness and fulfilment only comes form finding a woman who’s willing to let him love and dote on her. But this decision just doesn’t match the morally upright character we’ve been sold with at the beginning of the drama. LSY only made one morally questionable decision, of which she apologized for, and yet CYM was already questioning whether or not they should continue their relationship because he felt like they were going different ways. And yet he forgives WZR? Because he loves her? But? What about those ambiguous, uncomfortable faces he made when he was with her? Like that scene when he helped take off her coat before she went into the awards ceremony, and he stood back, leaning by the door, staring off into the distance looking sad and regretful?? What are we supposed to make of those scenes and expressions? I probably shouldn’t victim blame, especially since WZR created an uneven power dynamic in their (lowkey toxic) relationship, but I’m just not sure what the scriptwriter was trying to do with this plotline. It felt like they were condoning WZR’s behaviour (despite saying she was arrested in a voiceover) because CYM forgave her. Or were they condemning CYM’s passiveness? Again, not clear.
And then the final scene with the women marching on happy and hopeful, and then men staring out onto the city skyline looking lost and depressed? Female empowerment is great, and it was nice that they were all single at the end (except for Xiao Ling, I guess), but was it really necessary to tear men down to emphasize this? But then again, the drama kind of had to since they wrote shitty male characters. I just dislike creating the winner/loser dichotomy. 
I respect that Liu Yang is working his way towards forgiveness and has found what he’s passionate about. But I don’t know if he’s forgivable, because what he did was pretty unforgivable, but he’s showing growth and is working towards redemption, which is somewhat admirable. 
Haowen went from being the most level-headed one to becoming the most impulsive and obsessive one. 
CYM is just blank. Absolutely blank. There is nothing interesting about him. At first you pity him for being the one who’s always chasing after LSY and being the one to give in first for the sake of the relationship, but then you realize that he’s just trying to mold himself into what he thinks is the “ideal” boyfriend, which he thinks is someone who is able to succeed without the help of his girlfriend. He thinks it’s weak to rely on the help of his girlfriends, which is ironic since most of the career moves he made in the drama were directly because of his girlfriends. 
Anyway, I could just go on about how much I didn’t enjoy this drama, and other people on youtube and mydramalist have ranted more eloquently about this. I usually don’t write drama reviews unless there’s something I’m deeply unhappy about. 
My recommendation? Don’t watch this. But if you’re curious, don’t be afraid to jump and skip scenes. There are no likable characters. Even Zhi Zhi doesn’t start to become likable until she decides to leave her husband. Is this a feminist drama? Yes to the extent that it normalizes women in their 30s who are single and career-driven (which is a pretty big deal in China where unmarried women over 25/27 are considered “leftover” women), but I’m just not sure whether the plot does justice to these women. The verdict is still out on that. Thoughts?
Oh and one final qualm that I have with this drama is the LSY and WZR never had a final face-to-face confrontation. After everything that WZR did to LSY, LSY never got to interrogate WZR. WZR could have even gave LSY some final parting words. Instead, CYM took LSY’s place and the drama made it seem that WZR was only answerable to him and no one else. There was just absolutely no closure from this messy, messy drama.
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alexiaugustin · 4 years
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Since I seem to be in a really positive mood today and even though this show clearly doesn't deserve this post here's my list of favorite skam france s6 clips:
Samedi 07:52 The day after ep1: I really really loved the first clip of the season a lot more than the trailer and I think that it was such a great introduction to Lola's pov. We really saw the world through her eyes in such a special way in that moment n I loved all the hints to the plot (same sex couple walking down the street and being viewed as completely normal> w|w storyline with no internalized homophobia; the raccon tag > foreshadowing for otteli and urbex plot; lola photographing broken things > insight into lola's feelings) The cinematography and use of pov was a masterpiece in this one.
Lundi 7:43 Tiff ep1: This one is just here for the grew being the most supportive and loving friend group, skipping classes together to take care of Daphné and that group hug <33 need I say more?? No. Every clip with the grew is gonna be on this list because the little screen time they had this season needs to be honoured. I'm sorry that they did you so dirty babes:((
Mercredi 13:03 Fuck the planet ep1: my absolute favorite mayla clip this season!! one of my absolute favorite clips in general!! I still remember the day when they dropped that clip and I got so excited for this season again. Maya being a climate activist and such a warm and lovely person I immediately fell in love with her. Maya looking at Lola as if she's a princess walking down the stairs to a ball in some fairy tale. Maya not letting Lola's cold remarks throw her off n replying with equal sass instead, Maya's iconic coming out line and Lola smiling for the first time all season!! That clip was really off the charts
Vendredi 16:43 Someone exceptional ep1: This is my absolute favorite clip of the whole season and the amount of times I've rewatched this is actually unhealthy. Something just clicked and for the first time I felt really connected with Lola and felt and understood her pain (probs to Flavie she was amazing here) I loved the lil details abt this clip: Lucas playing the piano, le grew all hugging Daphné, Daphné's speech and break down (lula was amazing here too I really really felt connected to Daphné in that moment), Eliott and Lola meeting for the first time (their best clip this season, gosh the potential they had to actually develop such a cool and beautiful sibling relationship with them and then they did.... whatever the rest of their storyline was), Lola trying so hard to read Daphné's speech and then holding her own instead because she so desperately needs to get this off her chest and make ppl understand her and last but not least the cinematic shots of her running out of the church and breaking down. Truly my favorite clip.
Mercredi 12:56 You don't know me ep2: my second favorite mayla clip and hell did I love their dynamic and chemistry in this one. The community service clips were so so special and gave them such unique vibes I'm so sad that the rest of their storyline really couldn't live up to that because the beginning really was breathtaking and I was so here for their storyline and really believed that I would get the w|w rep I deserve this season. Rip
Jeudi 19:33 Sorry ep2: Daphné and Lola finally warming up to eachother, both of them apologizing, Lola saying that she can make dinner and they can watch one of Daphné's favorite tv shows together. Baby steps. Also Daphné grieving and smelling her mother's shirt to find comfort. Such an important clip!!
Vendredi 22:22 Otteli ep2: Again the opening shots and cinematography of this clip!! Lola meeting la mif for the first time and I was completely buying their found family dynamic from the start, maya and lola being 👀 the entire time and last but not least Eliott being introduced as urbex legend n royalty,, the wasted potential of that storyline tho...
Samedi 6:43 An awesome party ep3: again maya's and lola's chemistry in this one and their first real and deep conversation, maya opening up about her parents and how she found a home and family in la mif, their smiles and laughs and lola replying to Daphné's text messages because that's growth baby!
Lundi 7:53 The slap ep3: again just here for le grew, the way they all pulled daphné in for a group hug I'm cryinnn. Also Lucas telling the people who were gossiping abt Lola to turn around and mind their own business, dare I say iconic. the way we could have had it all this season and then skamfr decided to make them enemies. Hate it here
Samedi 13:18 Hangover ep4: this clip being a parallel to the beginning of ep2, we all believed that Lola went out and slept with another stranger and would feel lost and overwhelmed again and then! we and she found out that she's at maya's n instead of being lost again she completely openes up to Maya abt her life and Maya just holds her and Lola clings onto her as if her life depends on it and finds comfort in Maya. Still crying about this one
Mardi 21:43 You want to talk about it? ep4: I would be lying if I didn't tell you that I've rewatched this clip countless of times simply because seeing Eliott so happy and excited at his workplace has me feeling some type of way. I liked his and Lola's general dynamic in this one my main problem is just that it was so damn underdeveloped and came out of nowhere. Skam france you're a transmedia show text messages would have really helped you bby!!
Samedi 14:23 Luquette ep5: ohh out of all the clips with Eliott in it this one's definitely my favorite (and also one of the only ones I liked) both Eliott and Lola getting to speak for themself abt their mental health, seeing Eliott's development going from being ashamed and hiding his mental illness to now being so open about it and giving others advice, them talking about Eliott's Lucas and Lola's Luquette (🥺) Eliott being ready to run from Daphné with Lola and Lola saying that she's gonna take responsibility and Eliott looking like a proud big brother > the only clip with sibling vibes of them this season
Samedi 17:36 Just a girl ep5: Daphné and Lola reconciling, Daphné wanting to buy Lola picture frames and not letting that go even tho they have so little money and she sorts other stuff out instead. Please their sister bond this season has my heart. And also Maya and Lola at that supermarket gay panic energy at its finest. I loved that clip and that even after what happened last Friday Maya is still such a warm and loving person in that clip. Ugh why did they had to ruin her character later that season??☹
Mercredi 18:49 I miss you ep5: in case y'all are wondering if I'm just gonna put every single mayla clip on that list- don't worry this one is gonna be the last in a while. Anyway back to the good old days lamifex hanging all out together and being literal children together <33 mayla finally getting to talk and Maya explaining herself, showing Lola her scars and telling her that she misses her when she's not around. My heart combusted watching that clip
Lundi 12:35 We are even ep6: le grew studying together!! especially lucas and imane!!!! screaming. the only time we ever got to see them preparing for the bac but at least we have this one clip. Basile and Lola sibling dynamic and also the clip confirming that Daphné indeed has an eating disorder and Lola beginning to be really worried about her
Mercredi 18:27 I don't know what you're looking for ep6: Lola finding out about Daphné's eating disorder and finding proof in her room, Daphné freaking out and the last shots of her trying so hard not to fall apart, lula's acting in this scene!! It was all so realistic it truly is one of the top ten clips too
Jeudi 21:53 It won't always work ep6: Daphné and Lola talking and Lola opening up abt her addiction problems and telling Daphné that she can really really understand her and that both of them can get better again, Lola and Daphné being completely at peace and cuddling on the couch and watching tv together. One of my favorite clips of them this season I just love their sister bond so much
Mercredi 16:52 The break up ep7: both Lula's and Paul's acting was incredibly I was 100% buying that break up, Basile desperately wanting to help Daphné but not really knowing how, Daphné throwing him out and immediately having a break down, feeling so helpless and lost :'(( also Lola seeing her sister breaking down and not knowing how to help her either broke my heart. Protect the Lecomte sisters at all costs
Dimanche 18:32 Freesias ep8: for me this one was the true full cycle moment this season. The Lecomte family visiting their mum on mother's day, Lola revealing that she does know her favorite flowers and that her mum used to sent them to her along with letters she never read, Lola saying that if she could she might read them now but it's too late for that and in some kind of way she was making peace with her mum and everything that happened between them. Daphné taking the umbrella so Thierry can pull Lola close and them just standing in the rain and healing n growing as a family!! This clip was so emotional and important and skamfr had the audacity to destroy all that development with Thierry for useless drama. I'm endlessly bitter
Mardi 18:03 Vital prognosis ep8: just daphné, basile, lola and maya being a happy lil family together. This clip was so peaceful and beautiful to watch every time ep9 ruined my mood I went back to this clip to cheer myself up again. Really wish we could have seen more of them together and maya and lola as a couple
Vendredi 23:04 Emergency ep10: okay so I really didn't like that skamfr switched povs to build up suspense and was actually just triggering for many of us. But I just wanna say Lula's acting!!! The way she said "But how do you know we're going to find her, Lucas? Putain! She has never left a note before this is the first time for all we know" truly her acting!! I rewatched that clip so many times for that line alone (until I realized that the storyline was actually really triggering for me so I haven't watched the clip ever since but still)
Samedi 01:06 Sisters ep10: still hate the storyline and that it was done in episode 10 but I'm sooo glad that Daphné went to talk to Lola alone, that Daphné tells her that she's always loved her and basically everything they said in that clip!! Really moving and emotional one of the only clips that really made me cry this season. Again I live for Flavie's and Lula's acting
Mercredi 16:38 Beep beep beep ep10: even tho the mayla storyline was in context of the season really lacking depth at this point, watching this clip ignoring the context really was a cultural reset. One thing I love abt skam france is just that they let lgbt people live their lives without having homophobia being thrown at them left and right so kissing your gf in the middle of the supermarket like that might not be realistic but I don't care!!!!! let the gays live their life and kiss in the supermarket!!! thanks!! also that song especially the lyrics "darling I won't let you go" thoughts are being thunk💌
And yeah basically that's it. As yall may notice I loved the first half of the season way more than the second half and I feel like there was so much wasted potential and important storylines left unaddressed because they wanted to throw in more drama....
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blodreina-noumou · 4 years
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The 100, 7x02 - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly
The Good
+ I really cannot think of any single moment in this episode that I did not like. It’s been a very long time since I felt that way about this show.
+ Octavia and Diyoza became the old married couple Diyoza quipped about last season! It’s real!! Together, with Hope, they are my new favorite found family dynamic, and it was so adorably refreshing to see some simplicity and healing and growth in this show. Long overdue for Octavia, and explains so much about her miraculous transformation post-Anomaly.
+ Hope and Echo initially seeming at-odds, with Hope bringing up Echo’s botched attempted capturing of Auntie O - the way that turned into that incredibly heartwarming and cathartic scene of the two women hugging and crying and promising to work together. I was expecting the animosity to stick around, and I’m so glad it didn’t. In fandom terms, I love this new brotp.
+ Hope’s storyline is really interesting, and really sad. I love the echoes of other kids - being raised on stories like Jordan and Madi, being a girl hiding in her own home like Madi and Octavia - those are the kinds of meaningful callbacks that I really, really like.
+ I really do feel so much more satisfied with Octavia’s storyline now. Where she’s at makes so much more sense to me. She’s clearly grown so much. There were just so many parallels and callbacks to her relationship with Bellamy, and her own childhood. It made me really emotional.
+ Diyoza’s storyline, too. When she cries, “I need you too. Is that what you want to hear? Why aren’t we enough?” The vulnerability and need to belong was so strong for both of these women, and the fact that they found a family together is going to keep me happy with this show for a long, long time.
+ There are parts of the “time moves differently on different planets” thing that I really like. I like that it gave a reasonably believable way for Hope to have aged up so quickly. The sort of haven that Planet Beta became was definitely a big plus for me. Octavia is 33 now, y’all!! What!!!
+ The more I see of Gabriel, the more I like him.
The Bad
0 - That being said, it was VERY frustrating to have the sole reason the code slipped away from them be Gabriel’s eccentric curiosity and carelessness. A man as old, wise, and smart as him should have never let that tablet out of his sight, no matter what. Definitely not to get something to write with. I know he’s obsessive and a bit distractible when it comes to the Anomaly, his 200-year-old mystery, but the way we lost the code still felt like a contrived plot point to undoubtedly stick another time-jump in. Guarantee the next time we see AnomalyKru, there’ll be a “Five Years Later” caption.
0 - With time behaving differently, it shouldn’t have too much of an impact on the Sanctum storyline. That being said, I am already having trouble keeping track of who is doing what, when, and where. There’s SO much going on this season. We’ve burned through so much of the trailer footage, and we have 14 episodes to go, so it’s impossible to guess where things will go from here. That’s exciting, but also nerve-wracking. Every time they wipe a world and move on, I’m disappointed with the result. But who knows? It’s still so early.
0 - I don’t know if I totally understand the purpose of having a prison world where you can serve a five-year sentence over a weekend. So you continue to age, but time essentially stops for your “real life”? So they have prisoners returning home to loved ones seriously aged and probably a bit crazy from the isolation. That seems like a flawed system. Do the prisoners get the helmets that allow them to keep their memories? How much did the dude with the countdown tattooed on his arm know before he went a lil crazy? Is he going to become an actual character?? I don’t know how on board I am for all of that, and another time-jump. Just seems like a lot.
0 - Speaking of a lot - this episode was a different show from last episode. We can agree on that, right? This episode was essentially a spin-off. The Sanctum plot with the Primes already feels miles away. I didn’t really care about it before this episode, and I care even less, now. Intentional? Not sure. But this plot is crowded, and I still cannot see how it’s all going to converge.
0 - I felt Bellamy’s absence in this one. It definitely felt like he should’ve been with AnomalyKru. Hope’s line: “If what I know about the two of you [Echo and Gabriel] is true, we’ll be fine.” referencing Gabriel and Echo’s ability to fight, felt like it was a line that originally included Bellamy. IIRC, Octavia didn’t know much at all about Gabriel before she went into the Anomaly. She knew he was crafty, and knew his planet very well, but I’d be surprised if she got the impression that he was much of a fighter. Bellamy was known for being a badass though, especially in Octavia’s eyes. That line felt like it didn’t belong without him.
The Ugly
- No Memori. Not even a glimpse! Incredibly rude way to treat royalty, y’know? I just cannot stand for it!
...
I kid. I mean, I missed them, but I kid.
Honestly - loved this episode, and there really wasn’t much about it that I can complain about. Most of my gripes come from confusion or concern for the future. But I’m actually really excited to rewatch this one, and I’m even more excited to see what happens next!!
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susandsnell · 4 years
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kitty minx for the character breakdown!
Ahhh, thank you hon!! 
GIVE ME A CHARACTER and I’ll break their ass down:
How I feel about this character: Kitty took me completely by surprise getting into Love in Hate Nation. I adored her almost instantly; Emerson Mae Smith has such a stage presence and charisma it’s impossible not to, and I swear Joe gave her every single iconic, hilarious line both the book and the show have to offer. If I think too much about her I actually get extremely emotional. The fact that aside from Sheila, she’s easily the kindest of the girls to Susannah immediately tugged at my heart; as outrageous as she is, even her pushier behaviours, such as surprise-announcing her and pressuring her to sing for the girls is wildly important to who she is, who’s someone who not only lives her truth, but wants others to let go of their repression as well. It was her way of being warm and encouraging. She’s the Cool Big Sis trope incarnate, endlessly patient with the other girls’ antics while also taking no shit from them, and coping with the horrid conditions in Nation with a sly sense of humour and a fashionable flair I admire so, so much. Then comes Act 2 and I really can’t think of Masochist without crying -- her sense of justice and her ability to quickly forgive speaks to how intelligent she is, recognizing, even as she’s mistreated by the other girls, that they’re all striking out at each other because the system relies on it to keep them powerless and to keep them from rising up. She’s hilarious, she’s admirable, and from what little we know of her, she’s been through absolute and total hell and manages to not only keep her head up, but to use what she’s learned to deal with her pain to inspire others. To me, Kitty really is the heart of the solidarity narrative;  beyond that, she’s hilarious and fierce and owns every inch of herself. However, the brilliance in her is that she’s not just a cardboard cutout fairy godmother character to guide Susannah in embracing her identity; she’s flawed, she’s angry, she’s uncertain, and she’s above all still a teen. As a cis person, it’s not for me to say whether or not she’s good trans rep, but she’s a fantastic character overall and I would fight for her. 
All the people I ship romantically with this character: Dorothy and Rat, most probably! Especially because of their cute little interactions in the backgrounds of scenes and their playful roughhousing during Masochist. I think that while it’s important she and Judith reconcile, I can’t really be down with them ever getting together (especially because of the deadnaming during Solitary), and her dynamic with Ya-Ya, who comes off as the baby of the group (see my headcanons doc, lol), seems more like a sisterly thing  than anything else. 
My non-romantic OTP for this character: Susannah, Susannah, Susannah, Susannah, Susannah. I’m gonna go out on a limb here and actually say that Susannah and Kitty’s relationship is second only to the Susannah/Sheila relationship as by far the most important one in the show in how it drives both the plot and the character growth. I can’t begin to describe how important and healing it was to watch Kitty playfully try to draw Susannah from her shell; how meeting another LGBT+ person was so instrumental to Susannah’s shift as a person. Every time Kitty goes out of her way to be nice to Susannah or tries to make her feel included where the other girls tend to pick on her (even if it’s meant in good fun, it’s still clearly hurtful), my heart just soars. The two clearly admire and appreciate one another, and inspire the best out of each other. The fact that after Susannah’s mistake she shows her the kind of healing forgiveness a person needs is incredible; that she uses her experience as a trans girl to get Susannah to embrace her black lesbian identity is pretty much life-changing. Like, when Susannah calls the girls “her family” in Revolution Song, of any two people, I absolutely believe it of her and Kitty. Their bond represents the found family dynamic so many people find within the LGBT+ community through shared experiences and struggles, and it’s one of the most beautiful friendships I’ve ever seen in a musical.   
My unpopular opinion about this character: Are there any LIHN unpopular opinions??? There’s like twelve of us here, six of whom make content lmao. I can’t really think of one to date; everyone seems to love Kitty across the board, and rightfully so.
One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: I wish she had more scenes interacting with Sheila! I feel like they’re pretty close, too. Also, of course I’d have loved to know what became of her after the prison break. 
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piccolina-mina · 4 years
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Hi, your post about Michael is an interesting read and I promise I'm not trying to start anything. I'm only curious. Michael is put through a lot and not a lot of good happens to him. And it doesn't seem like something that would happen with a favorite character.
Hey. Thank you. I appreciate that.
I think people misinterpret what it means to be favored here. Because it's not synonymous with only having good things happen to them.
The whole point is that he's essentially considered a fun character to actually write and create for and more often than not is favored and that comes through in the narrative.
So it doesn't mean only good things happen to him. It's about the hills and valleys. The highs and lows. The extensive background and the growth. The time and effort put into stringing together and connecting all of this.
It's about having setbacks and then overcoming it. It's about a character being given the space to be fully fleshed out and developed and dynamic and resonant with the text and plot all aligning for that to happen.
It's not that he has a setback, it's that he has a setback and then the space to process it and evolve and move forward and ...
Does that not apply to Michael?
For example, it's in how Maria found out about alien stuff offscreen and it was a necessary and huge plot point but also should have been a defining moment for her character but it was treated like checking off of a box.
But Michael's Sanders reveal must just absolutely must consist of the stunning reveal and Michael processing it, and the favorite scene that just makes everyone cry has to be here ... Michael sobbing in the junkyard in perfect lighting ... *chef's kiss* I loved it, don't get me wrong, but I'm just stating it for what it is.
It's how Alex found out a boatload of huge plot points offscreen and isn't given the space to react or process... Maria's degenerative disorder and the Mimi connection, Max's death, Rosa's revival etc etc ...
But we get those lovely close up shots and microexpressions when Michael processes things. Or we get a classic Michael bender or outburst.
It's how Arturo and Rosa reunion was treated like something to check off a list but it doesn't extend beyond that and have breathing room. But Michael reuniting with his mother for the first time was this masterful emotionally wrought epic scene.
It's how Kyle is essentially divorced from his Valenti connection to Project Shepherd and hasn't had very much space to actually explore his connection to Rosa or their part of this family legacy and connection and sibling bond ... but my golly let's deep dive into the alien brother angst with abandon and oh yes another emotional Michael breakdown.
Or how of all the sibling dynamics, Michael and Isobel feels layered and we see it and feel that.
But yeah, all of his dynamics, all of his respective storylines, all the ways he is incorporated into storylines.... that's what I mean.
Michael is written with a full breath ... that specific character is extended so much range so many opportunities for it without being boxed into one thing. So much depth.
And his journey is the most overt and pronounced. You can tick them all off as if it's a list whereas other characters including main ones don't necessarily have that.
There is a clear cut direction for this character and how to get there, and it's noticeable but also it's equally as noticeable that the same cannot be said for other characters who aren't written with such precision and focus or even consistency.
When I watch some scenes, there are so many specific scenes where I know the point was to squeeze in that one moment and then build around it. Like the echo kiss, or that liz shower breakdown, or alien lighting thunder god, and every gosh damn emotional Michael breadown and there are like a hundred of them.
So it's not about him being good or happy. It's about him being compelling and interesting and flawed and complex, and multifaceted, and being given the tools, the space, the story, and the writing to make him that way to cater to him in that way (something not afforded to other characters though). Which again, I like and appreciate it, BUT I can clearly tell that Michael character development and arcs are like a conspiracy board with pieces interweaving and flowing throughout and sometimes other characters are like bullet points on a sticky note.
I am having a hard time describing this, but yeah.
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maggot-monger · 4 years
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i was tagged by @oleander4 - thank you!
(with questions that were, i understand, created by @panicsheerbloodypanic)
Downton Abbey fans!
Let’s get to know each other in these trying times.
Tag others to fill this in or fill it in yourself - enjoy!
1. When did you start watching Downton Abbey? i am fresh - december 2019. binged the whole thing in a week, then immediately rewatched it at a slightly more reasonable pace
2. Favourite series? ooo 2 or 3, i can’t decide which
4. Team Upstairs or Team Downstairs? team downstairs all the way, but upstairs are fun too
5. Favourite Downstairs character and why? thomas and daisy. thomas because 1) i always love a clever bitch who is mean&stupid for no reason, 2) his arc, while in some ways unfortunate, is arguably the most interesting of any character’s on the show and i can see bits of myself in a lot of it, 3) The Scene in s3 opposite carson was more exciting than any other “queer character defends their identity against prejudice” scene i’ve ever watched, 4) he stole that brownie that one time. daisy because 1) sometimes you’re a weird, annoying, obsessive little gremlin and that’s okay!!! 2) she experiences so much intellectual and emotional growth only for it to go largely unrecognized and i understand that struggle, 3) ra ra socialism, 4) makes food...mmm
5. Least favourite Downstairs character and why? spratt and denker never really did much for me :/ 
6. Favourite Upstairs character and why? mary! i can relate to her plight of wanting to appear completely cold and emotionless, actually being a bit more that way than people might want her to be, and secretly&regrettably having feelings. i love both the veneer and watching it crack with mary
7. Least favourite Upstairs character and why? a number of peripheral ones never made much of an impression on me, but of the important ones...weird to say but maybe tom branson? does he count as upstairs even? i DO like him, but i don’t care much for a lot of his plot lines and i never thought he treated sybil very well...
8. Do you ship anyone? i’m more for friendships and found family in this fandom tbh (i would watch 1000% more barrow-baxter and thomas-daisy scenes especially), but as far as actual ships go i’m most interested in the thomas/jimmy dynamic so that is mainly what i read. also, look, mary/matthew warmed my chilly little heart while it was happening
9. Favourite quote? "you are a disgrace to your livery” hands down. i’d get a tattoo saying that if i was only a tiny bit more ridiculous than i am 
10. Scene that made you cry? none in reality, but in spirit: daisy’s wedding, mary helping matthew in the hospital, sybil’s death, and thomas saying “help me” to baxter in s5  
tagging @occupy-gallifrey, @meryton-etc, @antinomian , @combeferre if you want (idk who has done this; sorry if you already have), and anybody else who is interested!
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chazzfox · 4 years
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SO many thoughts on Frozen 2
So I've been doing a lot of thinking on Frozen 2 after reading a lot of other fan ideas, reviews, etc, and rewatching the first movie and basically obsessing myself into an interesting state of mind. I HAVE A LOT TO SAY. I accidentally wrote out a long, long, LONG post so uh, congrats if you read it. SPOILERS AHEAD FOR SURE.
1. My biggest thought by far is in regards to people saying that Elsa found herself in the first movie, and why must she struggle through who she is again? Well...because you don't stop finding yourself, and especially at a young age. I'm 33. I think I got past hurdles in expressing myself and accepting who I am, everything from what were weird interests (to me) and even my own sexuality, three of four damn times. It was annoying. And fascinating. And each time there were deep emotions and investment in it.
Elsa found in the first movie she's not a dangerous monster and that she could exist with and love her sister. That's huge, don't get me wrong! But the anxiety was still there and we still see traces of it in the second movie. It didn't up and vanish no matter how many snow toys she might make children or how many times she skated with Anna. And with that kind of high anxiety, and after years and years and YEARS of locking herself away, she was just at the start of things I'd say by the time the first Frozen ended.
It's totally reasonable, imo, that down the road after finding some acceptance in herself and Anna, she would be wondering WHY she is what she is, where she came from, as there's so much mystery in her life. Her parents left her feeling guilty, lonely, ironically powerless, locked up, and with no damn answers for herself. She needs to find herself.
Arguably, so does Anna. Again, I can make similar arguments for her, lonely in the first movie, not much contact with others, striving so hard to be close to her sister. She achieved the latter admirably, and so her journey to find who she is with access to more of the world is a big deal. She always wants to open a door. And she wants to go through each one with Elsa, which is something that had to be handled at least a little.
Again, you never really stop growing, discovering, and questioning. Elsa may have found a huge, huge part of herself, found why she is there and who she is, but I'm sure she will still struggle a little with her new place in the world. This brings me to another subject -
2. Elsa and Anna now separated. There seems to be a lot of division on this topic, and I get it. I didn't really want them apart either. They really do belong in each other's company. And a note, I don't ship Elsa and Anna, so maybe I've lost some of you here ahaha (I don't really ship anyone though). I love their close cuddly sister relationship a lot and felt they were absolutely robbed of it for so long which is probably WHY they often hug, hold hands, touch each other, are somehow right with each other.
However...at least for the time being I think it's also important for their growth as characters. Elsa and Anna both care for Arendelle, but Elsa didn't feel she was 'meant' to be there, so to force herself there for her sister could be damaging when understandably, she would want to understand more about the spirits and the forest that gifted her mother with her. She is a part of the forest, of the Ahtohallan. And to force herself into a role she isn't dedicated to wouldn't be in Arendelle's best interest, so she wouldn't want that either. Elsa has shown she needs that understanding of her role, needs to be where she feels right, somewhere that speaks to her, and for now that is in the forest with the Northuldra people.
Anna loves Arendelle, loves the people, and to ask her to stay in a place where she doesn't belong wouldn't be right either. Sure, part of probably just nodded and said yes because Elsa proposed the split, but Anna also learned that she can do what can be done without her sister. Thinking her sister was dead, she still put on foot in front of the other and achieved her goal of destroying the dam. I do believe for now just the knowledge of knowing Elsa is alive and thriving is enough for her to feel happy.
They also see each other. That much is left clear to us and it's not a long journey for Elsa lol. Probably not for Anna either when Elsa can guide wind, earth and water to help. ...Fire too but yea lol.
They are apart just enough. Elsa can still drop in and have Anna cuddle her to sleep while Kristoff does...idk...talks with Sven. For as many cuddle nights as I imagine those two have had, Kristoff is a pretty chill dude.
3. The parents. Hooboy the parents. A very valid criticism is that Elsa and Anna's parents treated Elsa totally mcfreaking WRONG and yet so much centers around them, and then suddenly Elsa is dueting with her momma in Ahtohallan and crying.
Yea there's some confusing emotions going on there.
The girls loved their parents a lot regardless of if they really messed up. I am sure Elsa didn't know how to feel but didn't want to lose them as she already felt alone and hidden. The topic has come up that her dad knew the forest, her mom was FROM THE FREAKIN PLACE, so how did they mishandle so badly?
Panic, I think. I view it as a lot of panic, for many reasons. Anna being hurt was the primary one, but I wondered if they thought it could indeed lead to the forest waking up and causing trouble. They didn't expect magic outside the forest, didn't know what impact it could have and Iduna never exactly counted on having Elsa as she was.
I don't think they were bad people. Just unprepared and I kind of think this is how it went down with Ahtohallan as well. I posted about this before but I feel like...her parents weren't able to cross, not even her mom, because of how they squandered their gift. They took something wonderful and locked her away, made her conceal and hide from the spirits that wanted to connect with her. So when they decided to sail off and find answers and leave the girls alone, the spirits said "nope, you messed up, you don't get to come in here" and down went their ship.
But to complete Elsa there had to be something, they had to connect her with her mother's heritage and tie her to her meaning in the world. So, Ahtohallan showed her Iduna. Her parents loved her and if there's one major theme in these movies and characters it is the power of love along with self acceptance. Love is what brought Elsa as she was into the world! And that strong emotion and realization resonated, so we see Iduna as a large key.
Whoosh, Im getting tired, and I'm pretty sure I have more to say...but I'll craft that more later.
Some of my leftover thoughts right now are pretty short...I feel Elsa was displayed as ace, but that really depends on the viewer anyway. As much as I would love to see Honeymaren and Elsa, the brief snippets in the movie don't do it for me, but I am sort of relieved to see Elsa having a friend. She deserves a friend that isn't her sister or her sister's fiance or a...snowman. I'm not sure she really tried to bond with anyone in Arendelle, being that she was still sorting her life out after the events of the first movie.
But maybe there will be some more releases of official material, and we'll see. I just hope some of the absolute hate for Kristoff and Anna stops. I'm not overly into it, it's just kind of a boring dynamic to me right now, but not every romantic relationship is super exciting and stuff. They fit well and we see that Kristoff's first words to her after being lost in the woods are "I'm here. What do you need?" He's a good guy, stop hatin' on him.
Oh! That brings me to another thought though - I read a couple of posts where others felt he interrupted Elsa and Anna's moment at the end of the movie. I couldn't disagree more! Elsa didn't display any negative emotion toward it. I think she was happy for her sister, wanting her as happy as she could be in that moment, and the proposal added right in. Anna had felt alone and at her rope's end in the cave, then she got her sister back and after running off on him sort of, Kristoff proposing. Elsa saw her sister elated. And Anna got to have her sister as part of that momentous life event!
Besides, Kristoff is one of those Elsa counts as everyone she's ever loved within those walls. When they met again she embraced him too. I think Elsa was happy to have family again, have it fuller and to know someone she trusts will be there with Anna as she rules. Kristoff's a silly character and it's hard not to write him off when he's alongside such bright stars as Elsa and Anna, but he has a good, solid role. He belongs and so did that part of the moment.
Ugh, and I thought I was tired before...
Guess this is where I wrap this up!
Please, if any of you want to talk about this, even to disagree, don't hesitate to drop an ask or message. I don't want anyone to think I'm actively crapping on their interpretation - this is how it came across to me and after my third viewing I was finally able to get this written. If you didn't like the ending, that's okay, and if you ship Elsa and Anna, Kristoff and Ryder, Elsa and Honeymaren, Olaf and Gale, you do you and follow your shippy heart.
As for me I'mma hit post and get some cake.
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gideonthefirst · 4 years
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Thank you @oddsynchronicity for enabling me to make this post lmao. Here it is: my thoughts on NADDPOD Episode 80: Your Own Personal Hell
First of all, broadly speaking, all of the flashback sequences were perfectly chosen. There are a lot of things they could each have been, but @frogndtoad and I were just talking about it and, to quote her, they got “right to the emotional heart of the show.” By which I mean, each flashback sequence forced us to reexamine how we looked at the characters, while also staying fundamentally true to how they’ve been fleshed out and developed over the past eighty episodes. And they were perfectly designed to hit the emotional beats that each player is best at playing to. tl;dr Murph is a very very good DM and storyteller and also I want him to write a book
Second of all, still just in general, the choice to split them up was very bold and also an incredible flex on Murph’s part. One of the greatest strengths of the show is the party dynamic and how much they all care for each other - to split them up for half of an episode, and likely most of next episode as well, is…well, it’s a choice, and imo it worked because it hit HARD. The only other times they’ve been split up for any extended period of time, Hardwon almost died on an airship + Bev and Moonshine ran out of spells and were down to 1 hp, Gemma died, and Beverly got offered a deal by Akarot. Like, unless I’m missing some because it’s late and I’m sick, those are the three. So by separating them it triggers an immediate fear that is much different from the usual fear at seeing an enemy, and you can hear it in the immediate tone shift. They went from harassing Ilsed in the group chat to being completely focused on their scenes and each other’s scenes and it was a different feeling than we’ve gotten since…I don’t know, Queen Ezra? Marabelle? I don’t know if it even happened then.
Okay, individual stuff! Hardwon! Murph talked about it in the Short Rest a bit, but the choice to give Hardwon something to justify his caring so deeply about the dwarves and Irondeep? Inspired. Perfect. Devastating. He’s been in the bodies of two different races, but deep down, he still sees himself as a dwarf and always has, and King MacGannis was the first one to ever acknowledge him as such. It’s such a trans narrative, first of all, but it also is uhhh sure something when taken in conjunction with Moonshine’s flashback. But anyway, Hardwon went from being someone who was always excluded but still cared about the dwarves and Irondeep for some reason to being someone who was still always excluded but had something deep inside to hold onto and someone to look up to. And then he GOT the Kingshammer and now that whole scene is so much more specific and important and. Hardwon never had a home but now we know he always had the aspiration/idea of a home and that fundamentally changes his character. “Looks like a dwarf to me” are you KIDDING me?
Miscellaneous Hardwon thoughts: Playing Kingshammer under that scene was a direct attack. And Hardwon saying “yes, sir” to MacGannis in exactly the same way that Bev said “yes, sir” to his dad in the first Galaderon episodes is something that definitely wasn’t intentional but I am going to cry about.
Moonshine! Man, how do I even…how do I even start. Moonshine is the genuine love of my life she’s so deeply, genuinely good. Bringing Marabelle in was an incredibly low blow, and also possibly a hate crime? Investigations are ongoing. However. Moonshine immediately deciding to welcome the spores into her own network and then her fungal form morphing into something closer to Marabelle’s…Marabelle was known as She Who Has No Hospitality. Moonshine welcomed in her spores without once doubting their intentions in possibly the greatest gesture of hospitality ever known. Even in death, even as barely an imitation of Marabelle, those spores are going to get to be part of a family and a network and have what Marabelle ended up losing because of Ilsed because Ilsed put them in Moonshine’s way.
The scene with Jolene and Paw Paw is adorable, but also I’m having approximately nineteen different emotions about it. First of all, the line “things that don’t belong find a way of belonging when you’re around” was such a perfect summary of Moonshine, and also hit especially hard directly after Hardwon’s scene; Hardwon has never belonged anywhere (even where he so desperately wanted to) until he found Moonshine and the same, honestly, is kind of true with Bev (more on that later). Second of all, this scene fully switched the framing of the Moonshine/Marabelle/Jolene dichotomy (trichotomy?). Up until this point, it’s essentially been framed as Marabelle is who Moonshine could become, but Jolene is who she is. But the ways Moonshine and Jolene deal with Paw Paw are reflective of a much deeper difference - Jolene, even though she is the Crick, is lawful, and does kind of want to control people and the things around her, whereas Moonshine just…is not. And then, with Moonshine literally now having part of Marabelle as part of her, Moonshine isn’t either Jolene or Marabelle; she’s both, and more Marabelle than Jolene. She’s Marabelle if she hadn’t been corrupted, and if her loved ones had stood by her, like Bev and Hardwon always have.
Miscellaneous Moonshine thoughts: Playing Sumpin’s A Mess Out West at the beginning of this was a Choice but at least it wasn’t Mee Maw’s Burden. Also I always pictured Moonshine as having gotten Paw Paw when she was very young, and it’s adorable that she was already a full adult when she adopted him. Love that, it’s so much more perfectly Moonshine than what I had thought
Beverly. Do y’all ever…cry. This was the culmination of his arc. I mean, I’m sure it’ll go other places, and I trust Caldwell and Murph to keep him interesting and growing, and he has growth to do, but…his entire story has been building to this. “A child has a duty to his father, but a hero has a duty to the world” is the final sign that Bev isn’t a kid anymore, and hasn’t been able to be for a long time. But also, for the first time, he gets to make a choice about it: does he want to be a kid, or does he want to be a hero? And he chooses hero. He chooses hero even though he’s sixteen and may have to kill his own father, because that same father has been teaching him that he has a duty since before he was even old enough to start high school.
The flashback scene also very much emphasized how deeply alone he’s kind of always been - which is something we’ve literally never seen before. We’ve gotten very brief jokes about him being bullied in school, but that’s never been explored, and we also know for a fact that he was an excellent Green Teen and also the son of the captain of the Green Knights. But this was…he’s the only Green Teen there. Erlin, Derlin, Cran, they don’t see the execution - the execution brunch is likely their first, and Erlin isn’t even there (we do know Erlin’s parents are dead at this point, but that is a very different thing than watching your father execute someone in front of you without showing any emotion, and not being allowed to look away). All he has is Egwene, who is also completely alone, and it’s not like they’re really friends after this. They share one moment, and that’s all there is, and then it’s back to Bev being alone and doing everything he can to make his father proud of him. And then, when he finally succeeds in making his dad proud, his dad gets ripped away to another dimension, ages 20 years, and signs a deal with the devil. So once again we come back to “things that don’t belong find a way of belonging when you’re around”, and Bev only really belonging somewhere once he finds the Boobs.
Finally, like…Bev’s introduction was “according to his mother, a very good boy”. He’s a Green Teen because that’s what his father was, and his father before him, and his father before that, and he’s the fifth of his name and the best of the Green Teens and all he wants to do is impress his mom and dad and be good enough, and here he’s given a chance to be with his dad again and do what he says - which is all he’s ever known how to do - and he has to make the choice not to. And the only reason he’s able to make that choice is, once again, Moonshine. Reaching out to his friends, to the family he chose, to the family who lets him be a kid and loves him unconditionally, to the family who says “I’ll love you whatever you choose” but trusts in him to make the right choice.
Miscellaneous Bev thoughts: Pulling in the main theme at the end there was the best editing choice Murph has ever made. I started crying fully in public and also got chills and also my jaw dropped. “I look at him like I did that day: with a mixture of hate and love.” The level to which Caldwell has perfectly captured the gay teen experience and translated it over to a high fantasy d&d podcast and the metaphor of his dad selling his soul to the devil sure is a lot to handle. Also, uhh, I don’t want Bev to die, like, ever, but if he does next episode, what an incredibly beautiful story.
Miscellaneous final thoughts: This show is about found family. Even when forcibly separated to different levels of Hell, they save each other and come back to each other. I can’t fucking handle it. Music choice in general this episode? Fantastic, good job Emily and Murph. And then, I can’t wait to see how they handle them being separated for what’s probably an entire episode - a week is WAY to long to wait
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