#I emphasize how funny Arthur looks

[forgrtashes-blog]

Just did my share of this "trend"? and OH MY GOD IT'S SO FUNNY, Arthur looks so out of place it's KILLING ME 😭😭😭 YALL HAVE TO TRY IT

#welcome home #wally darling #red dead redemption #arthur morgan #gravity falls #dipper pines #fanart #meme #draw your comfort characters like this #Don't take this seriously or sum it's just me taking advantage of the fact that I can draw to draw whatever comes to mind #I emphasize how funny Arthur looks

[xxsycamore]

❝ 𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐋𝐈𝐊𝐄 𝐀𝐍𝐘 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 ❞

╰┈➤ What's so special about a leap day?

Napoleon Bonaparte/MC; Arthur Conan Doyle • rating: G • tags: Fluff; Fluff and Humor; Leap Day; Lovers' Quarrel; Engagement Proposal; Traditions • wordcount: 1,600 • masterlist

a/n: This fic was born out of the stupid idea "hey it would be so fun and unique to have a napo fic written and posted on a leap day", so here it is, a 5*/SSR rarity napo fic. It was supposed to be short and funny but I'm emotional now........

It's a particularly tranquil afternoon; a day like any other with nothing at all special about it - at least that's how it seems.

MC swings her legs back in forth in thought, seated on top of the kitchen counter as she listens to the ambience of Napoleon drying the pile of washed dishes for her. He insisted! He's sweet like that. But she'll be needing more help with the trouble inside her head, so she voices it out...

"Hey, Napoleon?"

"Hmm?"

"Shouldn't we be doing something more special today?"

"...?"

Napoleon settles down another glass and pauses before he can produce more of those squicky glass sounds.

"Am I forgetting something about today?"

"...Nothing much, it's just... today is February 29th!"

"..."

Napoleon takes another glass to wipe, after all.

He also snrks, which is worse than the squeaking noises, but doesn't dismiss the conversation altogether just yet.

"So you want to do something more special today because it's a leap day?"

"I was thinking, if we do anything outstanding today, it would be extra worth remembering because we'll only get to celebrate the anniversary of it every four years!"

"People born today would like to differ."

"Napoleon!"

"Okay Nunuche, I got you. So? Any ideas?"

"I was going to ask... what would you usually do back in the day on February 29th? Like when you were the emperor?"

...

"Haha!!"

"W-what so funny about it..."

"I like how colorful you imagine those days to be. I'm sorry to disappoint but it was just another day for me."

"Oh."

Noticing MC's frown, Napoleon drops his casual aura at once and instead adopts a very serious look on his face, pausing his activity as to emphasize what he says next.

"I see now. This day must hold some kind of importance for you - either because of the place you come from or the time you come from. I didn't mean to joke about it."

"Oh? No there's nothing like that, I just thought it was cool."

...

"Bhahaha!!! Hahahah!"

"Okay I'm really starting to get mad at you now!!"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, just- you're the cutest."

"...Let's just get done with those dishes already so we can plan our day!"

***

"It's also called Bachelor's Day. I know about this legend from my parents and I made the mistake of sharing it with a pretty bird once, four years ago. Bad idea. Now I'll have to hide in the mansion all day."

Arthur throws a look at the outside world from behind the curtain, either in yearning for his precious social life, or perhaps in fear that he'll see a woman stalking him from there. Napoleon lets out a small cough because his curiosity is eating him up. Not about Arthur's inner turmoils but about that intriguing Irish legend he's talking about.

Arthur turns his attention back to the pair and his eyes light up in mischief. When he first spotted them making their way downstairs and gave them a casual greeting, he had no idea they'd ask him for ideas as to how to spend the day... Seems like things can still get interesting.

"So, about that. You might want to listen carefully, MC."

MC's eyes dart to Napoleon for a second, and they're marked with confusion just like hers. She nods and lets Arthur talk.

"According to the legend, St. Brigid struck a deal with St. Patrick to balance the roles of men and women and gave the latter a day to propose to their partner instead of the other way around. Meaning that you get to propose to Napoleon today."

Eyes widening in shock, MC takes a step back as she waves her hands in the air in refusal.

"Wait, what?? I-I'm- I'm not doing that! It's so sudden and this is supposed to be a special moment and-"

"I thought you find the day quite special, Nunuche."

"Could it be... that you don't want to propose to Naps? Tsk, I didn't expect that, MC."

"No- NO! You're both getting it wrong!"

Switching between looking at Napoleon and Arthur and then at Napoleon again, MC hates to see the sadness in her lover's jade gaze, not able to tell if he's faking it or not. If it was the other way around- maybe she too would get upset, even if it all started as a joke, even then-

"Aww, but you two lovebirds haven't heard the rest of it yet! Napoleon has every right to refuse even if you, MC, actually decide to propose to him. But if he does so, he'll have to buy you twelve pairs of gloves. So you can cover your embarrassingly ring-less hands for the duration of the year."

"Twelve??!!"

This time it's Napoleon's turn to exclaim in disbelief.

Which in turn makes MC gasp.

"What are you sounding so scared for?? Are you planning to refuse my proposal? Napoleon? Napoleon???"

"...And you see, that's why I have to hide in here today. Ever since the word spread among my circles, I've been buried in engagement proposals. The little vixens are surely after the gloves, they know me better than to expect a positive answer!"

Arthur muses mostly to himself, rubbing the tip of his shoe in the carpet. The couple is way too focused on their little lovers' quarrel to pay him attention, and he's neither too amused in spicing up their love life, nor too worried about them. They'll figure it out for sure.

"Alright then, back to writing it is. It's an awful day to hole up inside, you two go ahead and use it to its best extent. Don't worry about me."

***

Arthur was right. In fact, making up after that quarrel doesn't even happen, because it isn't even necessary. Or so it seems.

The rest of the available residents have no interesting ideas for Napoleon and MC, as some of them are straight-up perplexed as to why it even matters. Luckily for MC, Napoleon takes all the credit for the strange idea, receiving the weird looks as a result. Some others, however, like Vincent and Sebastian, are supportive and even try to come up with something, like trying a new hobby or doing an activity they've been putting off.

In the end, the day rolls to its end with no great adventures to remember, but not without fun either. Basking in the afternoon light of day longer than the previous, MC and Napoleon take a seat on the mansion's rooftop to watch the sunset. They're both a little too quiet.

Napoleon begins first.

"You have all the right to be mad at me... but... I gotta say it again. I'd never refuse any proposal from you. A proper one, a spontaneous one - well-prepared or clumsy, on a regular day or on a special one. It's you who matters, it's because it's you that I don't care for anything else in the world. I want to be- no, I already am yours, Nunuche."

MC looks at Napoleon with wide eyes, taking in every word. Her lower lip begins to tremble as if she's about to cry, and she turns away from Napoleon.

"Nunuche? Are you alright-"

It's in the very last second that Napoleon notices she's actually reaching inside her pocket, and suddenly in front of him is-

"Stop trying to get ahead of me, didn't you listen to how the legend goes? Ahem... Napoleon, will you be mine?"

It's a... paper ring. Pieced together as if in a rush, Napoleon's mind is quickly getting occupied with the question of how she managed to do this in the short period of time they weren't together today - they were basically stuck together like glue. But that's just part of the reason why he's so speechless right now.

"I would have done this way sooner but I just had no idea what to make a ring out of! See, that's why I had such a problem with that tradition! Ugh, if only bottles in this age came with the little plastic ring-"

"Whatever that means."

"Napoleon-"

Before he can say anything stupid again, Napoleon dedicates to making it as proper as he can, breathing in and taking hold of MC's hand, bringing it over his heart. It's something he's already done before, and he already gets why MC is so mad about the lack of preparation.

"I'll be repeating myself here but... I'm already yours."

The hand placed on Napoleon's chest trembles a little as it clings to the fabric, and soon MC turns it into an embrace, burying her face into his shoulder. Napoleon can hear her sobbing, and tries to make her smile, even if the tears are for sure ones of happiness.

"I'm sorry but, no new gloves for you."

It works, of course it does. She wouldn't be proposing to him if such stupid jokes weren't doing it for her - in fact, she's probably prepared to hear them for the rest of her life.

"By the way, you have the chance to do the funniest thing and propose to Arthur."

And it works again.

"Wouldn't you be jealous though?"

"...Yes, I would be."

MC rests her head on Napoleon's shoulder as they watch the scenery; even if she's actually watching the paper ring standing proudly on Napoleon's finger, from the corner of her vision. They're back to being silent, but the serene calmness in the air is evident this time. MC is the first to break it.

"...It's a sunset like any other."

"I can't wait to see it again with you in four years."

a/n: Arthur's parents have an Irish background so I imagined that's how he knows about the tradition! It was fun researching this when trying to think of a plot for the fic...

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#ikemen vampire #ikevamp napoleon #ikemen vampire napoleon #ikemen napoleon #ikemen vampire napoleon bonaparte #ikemen vampire arthur #ikevamp arthur #ikevamp mc #ikemen vampire mc #ikemen mc #ikemen vampire fanfic #ikevamp fanfic #ikevamp fluff

[shoot-the-oneshot]

Best Friends Brother

Charles Leclerc x Reader F1 as romance tropes masterlist

“Well, you look excited for this early in the morning,” Charles said noticing his younger brother's look of excitement and the bouncing of his as his eyes flickered between Charles and the door.

“Y/n is coming to watch the races this weekend” Arthur explained checking his phone for a text from you, you have both been friends for years and he loved showing you around the paddock when you had the chance to come along. Suddenly remembering this would be the first time Charles would meet you he stiffened up.

“Speaking of Y/n, she’s off limits.” Charles jokingly held his hands up in surrender. “I wasn’t going to do anything.” He laughed.

“No I mean it, no flirting nothing not even as a joke, she’s the nicest person I know just leave her alone.” Arthur pleaded knowing how sweet and genuine you were would be a stark contrast to the girls in their normal circle and it would draw his brother in like a moth to a flame.

Whatever comeback Charles had got stuck in his throat as he watched the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen walk through the lobby of the hotel. He flicked feeling a sharp smack to his arm and looked to an irritated Arthur. “What did I just say!” He whispered yelled so you wouldn’t hear their exchange. His eyes widened subtly pounding in your direction. “That’s Y/n?” His question went unanswered as Arthur ignored him to go help with the bags you were dragging behind you.

“Arthur it's so good to see you.” You squealed, as he hugged you telling you the same. When you pulled away he noticed Charles who was still blatantly staring had joined you. He sighed, “Charles this is my best friend Y/n, the one we were just speaking about.” Arthur emphasized hoping to jog his memory. “Y/n that’s my brother.” He disinterestedly explained waving to the older man beside him.

Charles had no idea that was Y/n, he’d seen photos Arthur had posted of the two of you but just thought that was some girl from a club, not his friend. Charles held it together just enough to shake your hand.

“I watched your last race congrats on P1.” At your words, Charles's eyebrow rose. “Thank you, you should watch my race this Sunday. while you’re here” He offered ignoring his brother's glare. “Def-We will be busy, bye Charles.” Arthur interrupted you and started pulling you away.

“You’re not gonna listen to him are you.” Lorenzo who had been watching from afar spoke seeing Charles’s eyes follow you. “Not even a little bit”

“Hey, Y/n right?” Charles asked as if he hadn’t spent all night stalking your Instagram. You jumped as he came up behind you in Arthur's garage while he was out during practice. You nodded. “Lorenzo right?” You joked laughing at the shocked look on his face. “I’m kidding Charles.” You winked, making him laugh, ‘she’s funny, I like funny,’ he thought to himself as you turned back to the screen showing the track.

“Anyways I was hoping I could keep you company while Arthur was busy. If that’s okay with you.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “Didn’t Arthur tell you I was off limits?” You smile having had to listen to your friend rant all night about the said conversation. Charles chuckled nodding his head and bending down to whisper in your ear, “Good thing I like to push the limits huh.”

And true to his word alone the second Arthur pulled out of his garage Charles would take the empty space next to you. And you both spent the entire time talking and learning little things about each other. That’s how he learned your favorite color was red and he swore the red of the Ferrari seemed that much brighter after he found that out.

That Sunday Arthur stumbled into your hotel room jumping belly first on your bed while you were at the vanity getting ready. “What do you want to do today? We could go check out Buckingham Palace maybe see Big Ben?” You spun around in the chair shrugging your shoulders. “Or could go watch the race?” His eyes snapped over to you at your suggestion. “Is that because Charles mentioned it? No.” He groaned.

“Oh come on you know I’m a Max fan.” You pleaded with the puppy eyes your friend could never say no to. And you knew by the sigh he let out you won. Arthur didn't leave your side the entire time you were in his brothers' garage, his eyes narrowed to slits when chares shot you what Arthur thinks were supposed to be subtle looks but the man is about as subtle as a bullhorn.

Charles got Pole that race and there you a wink from the podium. While you wanted to go to the after-party Arthur found every reason not to go wanting to keep you and his brother separate at all cost. After you flew home he and Charles were on the jet sitting across from each other the former glaring at the latter.

“What?”

“I asked one thing of you, to leave her alone why couldn’t you listen?”

Charles scoffed. “I just talked to her, it would’ve been rude to stand there and ignore her.” Moving his attention to his phone the same second you texted him back, making a small smile spread across his lips.

The next few weeks were spent sneaking texts to the older Leclerc, laughing on FaceTime all night, every free moment he had he wanted to spend with you. You knew it was wrong, sneaking around behind your friends back, but at the same time it felt so right.

“Come on let me fly you out to my next race pleaseee,” Charles begged, pouting at you over the island in your kitchen as you made the pair of you tea.

“I don’t know there’s a lot of paparazzi there.” Matching his position laying your forearms on the island. That was always your concern when he tries to bring you to a race, Charles understood, he really did but that doesn’t mean it didn’t suck. “It's been months babe, I think it's time to tell him.” Leaning in he grabbed your hands as you sighed.

“I know, but I lied to him all this time it feels too late now.” Not meeting his eyes you played with his hands to distract yourself. You’re honestly surprised there hadn’t been pictures of you both all over the internet already. “The longer we go without telling him the worse it will be, I’ll tell him. After all, I’m the one that didn’t care you were off limits.” Charles leaned in, brushing your noses together, before your lips could meet you jumped apart at the sound of your buzzer going off.

“Y/n let me up.” Arthur's voice crackled over the intercom. “Go go go!” You ran around the island pushing Charles to your bedroom, well trying to.

“It's fate come on we have to tell him.” Planting his feet he’d almost laugh at your futile attempts to push him not even moving him an inch. Your panicked eyes met his.

“Not like this, this is the worst way we could tell him please go hide.” You begged making him cave. “Fine but if he comes into your room I’m not crawling under your bed” he paused. “I’m also gonna have some questions.”

“He won’t go in my room now hide!” Releasing a breath you buzzed your friend up trying to look casual as if his brother wasn’t hiding in your apartment. Thank god you picked him up at the airport and his Ferrari wasn’t out front those cars don’t blend in well.

The door swung open as Arthur strolled in already rambling about something his teammate Oliver did when suddenly he paused looking you up and down making your heart rate spike.

Is this your shirt? Is your hair a mess? did Charles leave something out? Do you have a hickey? At your thoughts, your hand subtly went to your neck. Arthur's eyes narrowed.

“Where did those come from?” Whipping your head around to see what he was pointing at seeing the large bouquet of red roses. “Uh, my mom.” He nodded. Perking up spotting your cup of tea. “Ohh can you make me one?”

“No!” You silently cursed at your quick response. “No?”

“I’m all out, sorry.” You shrugged with an awkward laugh. “You’re acting weird, why?” Now suspicious Arthur starts to look around making you panic. “I have someone over!”

“Ohhh” he starts to smile and lean closer at the clear sign of gossip. “What’s his name?” He whispered. God, you should’ve thought this through. “Charlie.”

“Ah well tell Charlie we rotate holidays and I get you this year.” Shoving him away for his teasing he laughs. “Alright alright, I’ll go but call me later with the dirty details.” You start calming down the closer to the door he got. Before he turned around and shouted throughout your apartment.

“Bye Charlie!” He laughs as you rush to slam the door being him still leaning against it as Charles walks out with a confused expression. “Who’s Charlie?”

Charles finally convinced you to come to a race. His brother was on the other side of the world and you were staying in Ferrari hospitality far away from the paparazzi. And he planned to take full advantage of it. He had you pinned to the wall the second the door shut behind you.

Mouthing up your neck leaving small marks leading to your lips, licking the seam begging you to open them. One of his hands flat against the wall the other around your back keeping you tucked closely to him as he led you back to the couch. Pulling you to his lap as he sat down.

“You’re lucky we have the same last name or I’d rip this off you.” He growled pulling on your Ferrari shirt one that Arthur had given you for his races, you were hoping I’d you did get photographed you could play it off as an old picture.

Tilting your head back giving him more room to work with. “You can still rip it off.” You suggested with a smirk meeting his eyes just long enough to see the devilish smirk take over his face as he tightened his grip and pulled.

“What the fuck!” Both your heads snapped to the now open door as Arthur stood slack-jawed. His hands flew to cover his eyes as he noticed your shirt ripped down the middle exposing your bra, Charles quickly grabbed it and tried to hold them together. “What are you doing here?”

“What am I doing? what are you doing with my best friend!” The sight of him yelling with his eyes still covered was ruining any intimidation he was trying to have.

“What’s going on? Oh” hearing the yells the Spanish driver went to investigate seeing Arthur red in the face with his eyes covered, you blushing, and an irritated Charles holding the torn pieces of your shirt together. “Get out Carlos!” Charles barks now covering you completely with his body.

“My god just give her a shirt!” Arthur screamed incredibly uncomfortable now. Doing as he said you pulled a spare shirt off a hanger and put it on. “You look better in mine just saying,” Charles whispered with a wink while his brother's back was turned. Making you glare at him.

“What did I tell you? I told you she was off limits!” Throwing his hands in the air exasperatedly. “I know you’re expecting an apology but you’re not getting it.” Both you and Arthur were shocked at his words but before Arthur could retort he spoke up again.

“Yes I’m sorry for going against your wishes but I don’t apologize for a single thing involving her, she’s the best thing to ever happen to me.” Now turning to face you he griped your hand tighter. “I think I fell in love with you the second I saw you I don’t care who said you’re off limits I knew I didn’t want to live this life without you. God, it feels good to finally say that.”

He breathed out smiling down at your finally telling you all he felt for you he almost forgot Arthur was there till he started laughing. “It’s about time like come on.”

What?” You and Charles said simultaneously both confused he wasn’t angry anymore. “I knew you were together I was just wondering how long until you told me about it.”

“How’d you know?” He laughed again at your confusion thinking you hid it so well. “First you both got stupid happy at the same time gross by the way. Next to the roses in your kitchen, there was a Ferrari envelope next to it you missed and Charlie really was there not a closer name to Charles.”

Even Charles gave a small chuckle at that part. “I knew you’d be at this race so figured I couldn’t miss this moment. But I’m still her best friend if you hurt her.” Arthur left his threat open ended as Charles laughed wrapping his arm around your shoulders.

“Look on the brightside now you don’t have to split custody of her on holidays she’ll be there with me.” He shrugged and the two brothers started walking out to the paddock bickering about who you’d really be there for.

“She was my friend first!”

“Well, now she’s sleeping with me” Charles retorted making you playfully push him and Arthur gag looking back to you asking what you see in him. Shaking your head at their antics as you followed behind. “The best friends brother, what was I thinking.” You said to yourself getting pulled between them arms looped with your two favorite guys. It might be cliché but you loved every second.

<< Daniel Ricciardo as mistaken identity

Hope you guys liked it!! if you want to read the other parts of the series check out the F1 Drives as Romance Tropes masterlist.

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[neoncat666]

hello i am insane about the suckening if you would like to theorize and talk about it with me 👍

yeah you could say im really normal over it. vague spoilers for ep 1 and 2 and more direct spoilers about ep 3

Mind you my knowledge of vtm is very limited due to the last time i even thought about it was years ago and i didn't even play it but oh my god they really got me researching on shit again and ive never wanted to see their character sheets sooo bad

i'm obviously a big fan of Arthur but like i remember when they first introduced shilo i genuinely thought it was a timeskip after emizel fuckin died and thats why they mentioned how similar they looked only to be shot out back with them outright saying theyre related and everyone has made that connection except shilo. theyre relationship facinates me so much cause they emphasize how "identical" they look so its not just a brotherly relationship but a twin relationship as well but also what the fuck lmao??? im excited to see where that goes

speaking of brothers what the fuck Arthur has (had he's probably dead now) a younger brother ??????? and on my second listen through I realize that Charlie explicitly mentions fire along with blood for the nightmare so somehow Arthur lost his younger brother that may or not be related to fire and blood and literally has nightmares every night. somehow for a loner Arthur has a weird amount of ties to other characters /j but like the fact all these characters have being seperated from their brother/family in common is kind of funny. but it also kind of brings into question on if this loss will affect arthur and how he treats the boys. he's made it clear that he's not going to actively stop them from doing stupid shit and getting hurt but he still tried to make sure that they weren't to be targeted during this supposed ambush that seems about to happen. he cares for the vampiric rules enough but also is actively fighting against vampires in general. like its easy to say he wants them alive since he's responsible for emizel and they're both the queen's sons but he's also said he doesn't care what happens to them so im curious and what he full motives are. like more of a meta thing but grizzly making sure he focuses more on the scent of an animal to feed from rather than a supernatural because emizel was right there was something. arthur says otherwise but he wants these two to stay alive whether so he can use them or not cause it seems that he has a group or even just a person who can help him if things get worse around here anyway but he doesn't just let it happen. i also wonder who this new person he's more focused on is cause it could be a few people and i wonder who the person he originally came for is too

also i keep saying arthur n deacon are toxic yaoi and when we met magnus i said that arthur now has doomed yaoi so good on him

#i could do a whole post on my thoughts about magnus and the slayers tbh #asks #adolin-is-best-boy #the suckening spoilers #the suckening #jrwi the suckening

[raysletters]

Fanfic Friday!

Rules: share a fic you wrote (or fan art or gif) that you are proud of! Moodboard optional!

Oh would you look at that? nobody actually tagged me, but im really proud of this fic and will forever be my precious baby and my first non canon compliant or canon adjacent fic.

peace by raysletters

"give yourself away sometimes, sweetheart. there's so much of you"

4 times Henry gives himself away, and the 1 time Alex shows him how much there is of him.

lightly inspired in it's nice to have a friend and peace by taylor swift

(alternatively called: the superhero au)

this was written thanks to a prompt from @inexplicablymine for @thebrownstone anniversary exchange and ive never had so much fun writing something ever. it was in the middle of a writers block and i spent SO long thinking about it (mainly bc i cant stand the movie or a certain actress on it) before i remembered my aforementioned hyperfixations on both the bright sessions and the flash (at some point i hope somebody makes a tbs x rwrb fic before i end up caving in and do it myself, even though it would be very similar to this fic, now that i think about it).

(break where i give little information about this bc the research was long and incredibly fun)

after all of that, it was so long that i spent on a google rabbit hole of researching superpowers and thinking how would it fit each person (i KNEW before anything else that i was going to give bea music powers, and after that the rest followed) so it is funny how all of their powers correlate between family and stuff and i need everyone to know about this bc i really spent so long thinking of it.

you have the mountchristen line, that has the "mind powers", starting with mary (psyren) that has the powers to manipulate minds, but it is more like suggestions, so that's why alex and bea could shrug it off and how henry would be able to after fighting his usual response of like going along whatever mary said; then you have catherine (vis) that has telekinesis, aka manipulation of objects through her mind (dont ask me about the name this one was very much just thrown out there when i looked it up suggestions on google). thats where arthur (foxglove) comes in with his ecokinesis (this is more like controlling plants but not really with his mind but like hes in TUNE with the planet and nature ala poison ivy kinda thing(?) (also yes ofc i found out there is a PLANT called FOX-GLOVE and gave it as a name for arthur. that is something he 100% would do and i dont receive criticism for it) and starts the fox-mountchristen line with philip (no i didnt think of his superhero name bc even though he is a bit redeemed here, he doesnt deserve it) and his MANIPULATION OF THE LIGHT WITH HIS MIND. and yes its cool and all, but i just want to emphasize that i wanted them to be able to MANIPULATE PARTS OF NATURE WITH THEIR MINDS BC ITS A MIX OF BOTH CATH AND ARTHUR (sjfnakdjfkahdmfhansbfmahdm im sorry i thought of it while still blocked and thought it was absolutely genius 💀💀). then there comes beautiful gorgeous bea who doesnt have a pseudonym bc she's actually part of the agency trying to control that superheroes dont do crazy stuff (yes bc of mary) and shes a badass agent and also has a band on the side bc she CAN MANIPULATE SOUND AHFNSJHSSJDJABHSNSHAJS. and lastly theres henry with his empathy and this is something not implied but more like a nod to tbs bc henry's actual powers are the manipulation of emotions which MEANS HENRY IS BASICALLY INCREDIBLY FUCKING POWERFUL but since he really doesnt like all that superhero shit, he doesnt care about it. at some point in time, he might discover hes even able to push emotions into other people, but again, since that was a nod to tbs, thats just something for them to discover in the future and thats it.

on the other hand, you have the claremont-díaz line that is messy as fuck, because in this universe, ellen enlisted in the army like her father and she ended up becoming a super soldier, along the lines of captain america, and was called "lometa longshot" bc yes ofc i had to. so you see how she doesnt have actual powers but instead she just has everything ENHANCED????; then you have oscar, who has the ability to fly, (which, fun fact, was actually the last power i thought of bc the idea of it is that oscar had some power of MOVEMENT), and bc you have impossible movement and enhancement, you get beautiful june with her powers of teletransportation that allow her to be a badass reporter and always get exclusives bc of how fast she can get somewhere; and you get alex with his undiagnosed adhd and the fire under his ass for no good reason and then there was absolutely no other choice but to give him super speed (and has nothing to do with the fact that he, like barry allen, is a very intelligent but very chaotic bisexual with undiagnosed adhd).

nora is there vibing, being a tecnopath and having actual numbers on her brain while also planning to conquer the world and also become kind of an iron-woman(? in that she makes gadgets for superheroes and for herself. pez is also vibing and being so cool they even have two powers, being able to shapeshift AND mimic the powers of ppl near them. hes the actual threat in that if they wanted, they could absolutely conquer the world.

ANOTHER FUN FACT: this is fairly obvious but in the us the school is called sky high and in uk the school is called wonder school bc i couldnt think of anything else and my reference for names of schools in the uk is that wizardry school from that horrible book so like,,,,, yeah.

LAST FUN FACT I SWEAR: theres a list of classes and their kind of equivalents that showed up after i decided alex would absolutely never stand this hero/sidekick bullshit shsksjsksjsksjsksjsksjs it was fun even though im yet to grasp the concept of american education(????? (listen im dumb so like if you were expecting too much from me, thats on you)

Math → Strategy

Language Arts → Heroism (morality and stuff)

Science → Mad Science

Social Studies → World History

Foreign Language → Technology (Hacking and entering 💀)

Physical Education → Combat

Electives → Save the citizen, Enhancement (like practice your own powers and stuff), Origins (of superheroes and superpowers), Teamwork (something both Alex and Henry definitely didn't take 💀), Alter-ego Management

(im not kidding when i say i pasted it verbatim to what i had in my docs, bc theres nothing more chaotic than my outlines and ramblings on any of my gdocs)

im not tagging anyone bc i just noticed it is decidedly not friday anymore but i got too excited talking about this fic akdbdksjsksjAbssjakajsncjbsksdhdjsj anyway, go and read it if you havent shkssjkssjsksjsksjs

#red white and royal blue #alex claremont diaz #henry fox mountchristen windsor #writing #ao3 #rwrb fic #rwrb #fanfic #fanfic friday #fanfic rec #raysletters on ao3 #sky high #sky high au #peace by raysletters on ao3

[thealmightyemprex]

FAvorite Movie Rambles :The Phantom of the Opera

So lets go into a movie that has recently joined my favorites list ,a film that I thought was OK the first time.....And now I adore it ,having seen it 6 or 8 times

This 1943 film tells the tale of Erique Claudin (Claude Rains ) ,a violinist who has spent every penny he has to anonymously aid a young opera singer named Christine (Susanna Foster ),when due to a tragic mix up Erique goes mad and is horribly scarred ,but sseeks to aid Christine by any means necessary

OK so this is my favorite version of Phantom of the Opera......Hardcore Phantom fans are scratching their heads .See Phantom is a beloved story ,adapted multiple times,though its stage adaptation as a beloved musical might be the most iconic version .I have not read the book but I have seen many of the film versions and the 25th Anniversary filmed version of the Musical .In the grand scheme of Phantom adaptations, this one is not talked about a lot , its also a very loose telling of the tale,with some odd changes ....So why do I love it ?

Well It's so unique for its time period.See ,especially at this time at Universal,Horror films were B Pictures,black and white ,very moody.....Which this isnt...This is an A picture !! Universal wanted to make this movie stand out .SO instead of black in white,this film is in gorgeous technicolor and the production values make this a stunning film to look at . The film has a feel of a musical but with a killer in it ,which I think gives the movie a feel of all its own

Also the movie not only feels like musical,it kind of is one ,as there are many Opera scenes.Now I get how that can be a turn off ,I mean with Phantom of the Opera ya want more Phantom then Opera......But I actually love the way the film emphasizes the power of music both in its score but also in its story . I adore the sweet lullaby that links Claudin to Christine (I'll get to why later ).I also like how the movie opens with an opera,and while watching the performance we are introduced to most of the key characters in the story,what their deal is,all without dialogue .Yeah some of the opera scenes go on a bit too long ,but I cant complain about the gorgeous singing of Susanna Foster and Nelson Eddie

The films director is Arthur Lubin ,noted for his comedy films,so he brings a sense of humor to the film,which I appreciate .Theres a great running gag involving the Stage Managers paranoia over a ghost haunting the Opera House , and the always blustery J Edward Bromberg hams it up wonderfully hammy as the owner of the theater .However surprisingly the best comedy is actually the love triangle scenes .Now in most versions the love triangle is a big part ,between The Phantom ,Christine and Raoul ,the lovestruck young noble ,however with the changes to the Phantoms character (Get to that later ) ,that is not the love triangle I am talking about. So in this film there are TWO suitors: We of course have Raoul ,now a cop instead of a noble .....But we also have Anatole,the star baritone ! Funny enough Anatole is kind of more the Raoul character then Raoul is ,being the hero ,planning to catch the Phantom and he is styled to resemble Norman Kerry's Raoul from the 1925 film .Playing Anatole is singer and actor Nelson Eddie (Disney fans will know him as the Whale Who Sang At The Met ) while Raoul is played by character actor Edgar Barrier ,and both deliver great performance .SEriously the best humor in the film comes from them trying to one up each other ,they have great chemistry and I like the arc they go through together

The strongest aspect of the film is its Christine and its Phantom .Christine is played by Susanna Foster.....And she is my absolute favorite Christine ..I love her chemistry with her two love interests,she sings gorgeously ,she has a bit more agency then most Christines,and I like her reaction to the Phantom which I can only describe as someone stuck with an unhinged person and trying their best to talk them down .This Christine is a woman torn between her love for two men but also her ADORATION of music(And I love the end of the film for the decision she makes )

Christines adoration of music plays into the overhaul of the Phantoms and Christines relationship. In most versions its pretty standard Stalker with a crush thing.....But While the film brings that up as a possible motive for Claudin,the film also firmly puts its foot down that isnt what is going on.Now originally the film was going to protray Claudin as Christines long lost father buuuuuuuut given the usual Phantom and Christine relationship,Universal feared that might come across a bit incestious .So whats Claudins deal then ?Well my interpertation is that all Claudan has is music .He has no friends ,no family,only music ,and he sees a kinship in Christine ,who has that same passion as well as being from the same part of France as he is ,and this is shown in the lullaby they both know .His obsession is mainly around music ,letting her be the best she can be ,and he perhaps sees her as the daughter he never had

Now lets talk about the Phantom himself played by Claude Rains....Cause he is a very diffrent Phantom,but I adore this take .This version of Erik,or Erique as he is named in this film is not the manipulative almost supervillain most versions depict but a far more sympathetic antagonist,who before he goes mad is a very nice older man who just loves music who has lost his ability to play the violin ,spent every penny he has to aid Christine before his dive into madness and murder.....That said the movie establishes subtley that he is unhinged ,he is still obsessed with and kind of wierd with Christine and once he fears his music is stolen he jumps to murder pretty darn quickley . What I like about him is while he is tragic.....He's still creepy,he is a murderer stalking a woman . Claude Rains was a king of playing villains,and for being masked a lot of the movie you need an actor with a grand voice and you dont get a voice more grand in the 40's then Claude Rains .I think he really captures how insane he is,one of my favorite moments is near the end and you see this mad look as he gleefully plays his concerto .And yet Rains captures the sadness of the character .I also like his costume ,especially his mask ,it miught be my favorite Phantom mask .Also the chandalier fall is a staple of the story,,,,,And this has the best one ,being a tense scene of the Phantom sawing with a hacksaw.

I love this movie ,its a pers0onal favorite of mine,if you havent seen it check it out

@angelixgutz @the-blue-fairie @themousefromfantasyland @metropolitan-mutant-of-ark @filmcityworld1 @amalthea9 @princesssarisa @ariel-seagull-wings

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

not to completely change the subject but im thinking about msaxpla again, but not like, important thoughts, just about how funny i find the initial meeting immediately after the train crash to be. also it wouldn't make much sense considering i think he would want Some kind of safety gear on but i kind of want arthur to be wearing like, day-off casualwear just to really top off his Whole Thing. graphic tee with a stupid slogan on it. the whole scenario is so stupid funny from an outsider perspective. ingo is looking at him like,

"i know this person's name because i've heard it repeated in vitrolic hatred by someone i consider a good friend. he's a cold-blooded murderer. he's like twenty. his other hobbies apparently include breaking spacetime and causing major structural damage to public spaces. the like second thing he said to me was a lot of enthusiastic blasphemy which i should probably care about more than i do. he won't stop alternating between 1) baby-talking this porygon, 2) asking me where the person he killed (who he seems to be under the impression is alive??) is, and 3) really trying to emphasize to me that everything that just happened was very intentional except for the part where he blew himself up. he is WAY too good at ignoring that shrapnel. his shirt says WOMEN FEAR ME GHOSTS WANT ME on it. none of these things square."

and arthur's just like "why is my boss talking to me like i'm a really confusing stranger. nah i actually don't have enough blood in me to care about that. the hard part's over anyway, i can basically just kick back."

#the nemesis speaks #msaxpla #before they left emmet was like. i need to ask. are you SURE this is the outfit you want to defy god in #and arthur was like YOU are going in full uniform despite the many concerns i raised about loose fabric. this is for cosmic balance. #emmet's like well we're using a TRAIN to do this of COURSE i have to be in uniform

[soul-dwelling]

would fanserivce be an issue if it was equal ratio of men and the women?

Depends on how we define “fanservice”--which, I admit, I throw that word around so much to the point that I inadvertently make it sound like I’m referring to any content with sex in it, as opposed to what the word really means. And I’ll get to all of that in the rest of this reply. 

But to answer your question first: I don’t think my issue is about equal ratios of all genders as subjects of the fanservice gaze. Rather, it’s how well or how poorly you handle that fanservice. 

For example, Fire Force (which I keep beating like a dead horse…) tried to be equal-opportunity with the firefighters’ men calendar and Akitaru and Vulcan’s shirtless posing scenes. 

In theory, all of that works fine: Akitaru and Vulcan are adults and choose to present like that, and firefighter calendars exist in the real world and typically aren’t engaging in the exact same sexist tropes as happens with women. And it was a scenario that let Okhubo do more and more outrageous gags around men’s bodies, our society’s messed up expectations for beauty and what a man’s body should look like, Giovanni’s over-compensation, Onyango’s concerns about getting back into shape, etc. Almost all of that works and is really funny. 

But what ruins it is twofold. First, we get a scene of Takeru not being into this–and being coerced into it, even having his clothes pulled off against his will. That is a failure of consent–as I’ll emphasize below, that is a deal breaker for having good fanservice. Second, if I recall correctly, Takeru, Shinra, and Arthur are all underage–that’s fucked up, no, I don’t want to see a story about underage characters being put into a firefighters’ men calendar, this is dumb and gross. 

Now, onto how we define “fanservice.” 

My understanding is that fanservice is when it’s included to pander to the audience and, if removed, would not significantly alter the story, character progression, or themes, thereby making it extraneous. Fanservice can include sex scenes or content intended to sexually titillate the audience–but we also know fanservice then also includes any content that alludes to in-jokes amongst fans, or deep-cut references only the most ardent fans recognize. We can nitpick this point, because if you take this to extremes, you could eventually cut out the best parts of a story simply because they don’t advance story, character, or themes and thus are fanservice and should be eliminated–but that’s silly. What, do you now remove action scenes? Do you now remove something, even if it’s beautifully presented, acted, and in the case of illustrated works presented and animated, simply because it is just there for action, or giant robots, or a gag, or, yes, sex appeal? That’s dumb. You can definitely put in these extraneous scenes–but make them good. You have a scene here–but it’s not beautifully animated and doesn’t advance story, character, or theme? Then cut it. You have an action scene–but it is incoherent and drags the plot? Cut it. A giant robot, but it adds nothing to story, and isn’t a cool design, and doesn’t do anything? Cut it. A joke that doesn’t land and doesn’t show us something new about the characters? Cut it. A sex scene that is not sexy, or not built on consent, or just about embarrassing the character? Cut it.

My problem isn’t with “here is a sex scene for no reason.” My problem is “here is something intended to titillate the audience–that exists to embarrass a character involved, or has them getting touched without their consent, or exposed naked to someone else without their consent.” It is not only cheap but also is producing content to titillate by forcing a character into an embarrassing situation, or one where they didn’t get to give consent, thereby perpetuating toxic understandings of sex that then get normalized. I’m not talking about what people fantasize or desire necessarily; I’m talking about presenting something as if you should do it or find it funny or find it acceptable–and that is fucked up. 

(And it’s not as if I can sit on a high horse here: beyond Soul Eater alone, how many of my favorite series also engage in these dumb gags, to have someone get groped by accident and embarrassed, or lose their clothes for some dumb reason and humiliated in public, yet I still watch and entire the rest of the series despite what should be these instances of crossing the line?)

So, my problem isn’t having sex in the story itself; it’s having sex, and doing a poor job of it, or an unethical job of it. And it would be silly for me to act like a work somehow can’t have sex in it–especially if that is the point of the story. I don’t only mean that it would be silly to complain about sex being in pornography, smut, hentai, ecchi, etc. 

(Although, yes, it is silly to complain about pornography having sex in it. My complaint is making pornography that has the problems I listed above–lack of consent, intended to humiliate, etc–that prevents us from getting to, yes, feminist pornography, or at least non-misogynistic pornography, and that keeps pornography as perpetuating toxic masculinity instead of modeling kinks that do have consent. There is also an entire discussion to include here regarding how what you enjoy in your fiction is not necessarily a reflection of your desires, or how you would act on your desires, but that’s a longer discussion that I think is going to obscure the bigger points I’m trying to make in this reply.) 

I also mean it is silly to act like you can’t have sex be a part of any story, even ones that aren’t traditionally categorized as porn or smut. Sex is part of many people’s lives; it is part of many stories; you don’t get to act like that should be excised from the story you want to tell. 

In other words, my complaint is not the presence of sex in the story; my complaint is when you handle it badly, and when it reinforces the worst parts of fanservice (it doesn’t feel like part of the story; it feels like pandering; it is misogynistic or otherwise sexist and is perpetuating violence or humiliation for the sake of titillating the audience, rather than content that has characters entering with consent).

#cw: sex mention #long post #ask dwells

[thescentifollow]

New Year’s Eve | Fred Weasley

After a blissful dinner on New Year’s Eve with your loved ones, your boyfriend, Fred has a question to ask you.

Word count: 2.6k

A/N: This is not how I planned it to be but I like it. Instead of making it too fluffy and cheesy I tried to capture the feeling of home, coziness and the comfort you feel when you’re with the poeple you love. I hope you like it! Feedbacks are always appreciated. ^-^

New Year’s Eve 2000

Seeing the laughs filling the living room in your new apartment on New Year’s Eve, you could feel the coziness of home. Everyone you loved was around you, except the ones you lost, the ones who sacrificed their lives for a better world. You teared up a bit thinking about Remus, Tonks, Sirius… and many more. You feel sadness and gratitude at the same time whenever you are reminded of them. You really wished they were here today.

With the voice of the small, adorable, newborn baby in her grandmother’s arms, you snapped out of the thoughts and wiped the tears. You made your way to play with her with a funny expression on your face to make her laugh.

“Look Victoire, Auntie Y/N is here.” Molly said with a baby voice.

You took one of the little baby’s hands and made funny faces. At first her face remained expressionless, but a few seconds later she started laughing like crazy, which made you feel proud. It was hard to make her smile and you made her laugh.

“Y/N, dear, this place looks amazing, I have to say.” Molly said and gave you an approving smile.

“Thank you, Molly; we are very pleased with it too.” You answered and smiled at her. Then you offered her to take a break and have a drink like everyone else. She gladly accepted it after planting a kiss on her granddaughter’s hand. You played with Victoire and took her to the other rooms to show her around. You explained the rooms to her in a baby voice to keep her entertained and sometimes she would nod and look you in the eye like she understands everything you say. When you were back downstairs you took a look around and felt blessed to have such people around you.

Molly, Ginny, and Hermione were talking about Hermione’s new job at the Ministry of Magic. Arthur, Ron and Harry were in another corner talking about the reformations that were done at the Ministry past year. Bill and Fleur were resting against the wall and chatting, looking relaxed since Victoire was in safe hands. Sadly, Charlie and Percy were not able to come this year. Charlie was busy, stuck in Romania and Percy was invited to another event.

Fred saw you standing next to the stairs and sent you a mocking look and mouthed: “Auntie.” And lifted his eyebrows cheekily. You rolled your eyes as you tried to contain your smile. Then Arthur approached Fred with curious eyes and started asking questions about the Christmas lights above the fireplace.

You remembered seeing those lights for the first time. It was when you were living in the Muggle World for a few months after the war and you remembered both you and your boyfriend liking it quite a lot. This year you went back to that store and bought a few pairs of them, thinking Arthur would love them. You wanted everything to be perfect for it was your first Christmas since coming back to the Wizarding World and it was also the very first Christmas in your new apartment.

When the doorbell rang Arthur was talking to Fred about how adorable and interesting the tiny light bulbs were. Fred looked at you, lifted one eyebrow with a smile on his face and pointed at the door. You got the message right away and went to answer the door.

“Come on Victoire, we have one last guest.” You kept talking to the little baby.

“Finally! We were starting to worry that you got stuck under a pile of snow.” You said acting like you were mad while welcoming George; but he did not fall for it.

He grinned cheekily and gave you flowers as a sorry for being late. You sighed but accepted the flowers gladly.

“Hello little baby.” His eyes went to her right away and Victoire said something incomprehensible. He guessed it was her way of welcoming him then turned to greet you. You hugged him as he started teasing you the moment that he entered the house.

“Hello to you to sister-in law.” You glared at him, trying to contain your smile at his cheesy nickname. Well, it was cheesy but after being friends with the twins for more than 10 years and dating Fred for 5 years, you got used to it.

“For the hundredth time, I’m not you sister-in law.”

“No, not yet. Though I doubt that it’s gonna take long.” He winked at you and made his way to the living room. You just shook your head and followed him. He became the center of attention the moment he entered the living room, and this made Victoire cry at the top of her lungs. Fleur rushed to take her and calm her down.

You made your way to the kitchen to bring out the dishes you prepared. You could hear Molly scolding George because of his lateness.

“George Weasley, how dare you make all these people wait for you on New Year’s Eve? It does not matter we are your family; you are not allowed to behave this way…”

You giggled while you slowly made your way to the living room.

“Since everyone is finally here, we can start.” You emphasized the word finally and sent him a look. It made everyone giggle and the scolding turned into a sweet laugh.

“Do you need help with anything, dear?” Molly asked approaching you, as you put the dishes on the dinner table.

“No, thank you Molly. Everything is ready. Please sit down and start.” She nodded with a smile on her face and rubbed your shoulder.

“Freddie, can you bring the wine my parents sent us?” You asked Fred and he gave you an okay sign.

-

The dinner was a blast. Everyone enjoyed it and complimented you and your boyfriend’s cooking. Freddie’s amazing cooking skills was a surprise for them since he never cooked for them. But you knew that he took cooking classes in the Muggle world and you were quite proud of him. After dinner you played games such as Who am I and Charades. As the night deepened Victoire fell asleep and Fleur put her to the bed in the guest room. Everyone went back to their initial corners to chat a little. You were sitting by the fireplace with Molly and chatting when Fred approached you from the back and whispered to your ear.

“Darling, can you come upstairs for a second?” You sent him a curious look and he mouthed the words “Present time.” With a smirk on his face. You turned to him and whispered.

“Now?”

“Now.” He answered with an intense look in his eyes. You just shook your head and excused yourself to follow Fred upstairs. You saw George sending him a thumbs up as you walked upstairs.

He held your hand and rubbed your skin with his thumb as he led you upstairs. You could feel his breaths were unstable and you wondered why but you didn’t ask, thinking that it was probably because he was excited for the present exchange between the two of you. When you reached the upstairs, you let go of his hand to enter the guest room. He knit his eyebrows confusingly.

“Wait here.” You whispered trying not to wake the sleeping baby up. He nodded not being sure what you were doing as you entered the room. Opening the wardrobe next to the rocking chair, you built in the Muggle World, you reached for the box you hid underneath the boxes that needed to be unpacked.

Fred knocked on the door impatiently. You told him you were coming in a second very quietly, but you were sure he heard you because you heard his footsteps and the sound of your bedroom’s door opening. You looked at Victoire one more time and planted a kiss on the top of her head before leaving the guest room.

When you entered the room, he was facing away and looking outside of the window. You approached him and hugged him, and he brought you to his side and put his arm over your shoulder before planting a kiss on your temple.

Looking outside, you noticed that it started to snow again.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” You asked rhetorically. He hummed and nodded. His eyes caught the box you were holding.

“Well, what’s it you are holding?” He knew the answer but asks anyway.

“Obviously, it’s your present, Weasley.” You answered. He loved it when you called him by his surname because it reminded him of the school days you had spent together. His eyes lit up and he reached for the box in your hands. You took a step back and lifted one of your eyebrows.

“Where is mine?” His eyes darted and he wiped his sweaty hands on his trousers before answering you.

“I have it, I promise. But can I please have mine first?” He asked with puppy eyes and a pout on his lips. He tried to speak calmly but you could sense the nervousness in his voice. So, you gave in and passed the box to him. He took the box, put it on the bed and embraced you lovingly. His one hand was on your back and the other one was stroking your hair. At that moment, all you could hear was your calm breaths and your hearts beating harmoniously. You kissed his cheek before you pulled away and wished him a merry Christmas.

You held your breath as he opened the box. He said nothing at first, but you could neither say anything nor move because of how nervous you were. So, you waited for him to say anything. The box was full of your pictures together, pictures you had taken as friends, as lovers, on your first date, on your second, on your twentieth. The photos of you on the first night you had spent together. Pictures of you resting on the porch of the Burrow under the sun, almost dozing off. There were also his pictures playing Quidditch you had taken, and your pictures he had taken without you knowing, while studying or reading. There were notes you had exchanged secretly during class and detention. And there was also a familiar diary at the bottom of the box. He took it in his hands and after a few seconds he lifted his face to look at you. Now you could see his face. His eyes were full of tears that were about to be released. You could finally move again; you sit next to him slowly and quietly and took one of his hands in yours. It was the diary you had kept during your school years, the diary you had written all your feelings for Fred in. He didn’t know it but there were also letters you had written to him as you had waited for him to wake up after that heartrending incident.

He laughed lightly as he remembered that one time, he had tried to grab it from you. You had gotten so angry at him that you hadn’t spoken to him for 3 days. He looked at you like he was asking for permission, and you nodded at him.

As he opened the diary and touched the old pages that began to wither, you started to tear up too. He knew how hard it was for you to gather the courage to go to your home after you had obliviated them prior to the war. You knew it was a low chance that they had still been there, but you had been hopeful anyway. When you saw that they were gone, it wrecked you. The fact that your stuff was the exact way you left them hurt more. It was your existence on the World meant nothing. The tears started to fall as you remembered all those hurtful memories. The possibility of losing both your family and Fred after he got hurt during the war, was agonizing. The situation with your family was irremediable. As for Fred, you were grateful to him, for he had clung to his life.

After the war and Fred’s treatment, you had decided to live in the Muggle World for a while because what you had gone through was too much for both of you. Being away from the Wizarding World had made it a lot easier to heal. After Victoire’s birth, you decided to go back to your actual lives, that you had put on hold for a while, because you had wanted to be with your loved ones and feel like you belong in that world again. The birth of Victoire represented the start of a new era for you and you loved the baby dearly.

He closed the diary as soon as he heard your little sobs and take you in his arms. Your sobs got as he rubbed your back. You stayed in that positions for some time. He whispered words of comfort into your ear, but you knew he was crying too.

When you finally started to calm down you pulled away from him and saw his wet face. You both cried after recalling all those memories.

After a few seconds, a smile made its way to your face as Fred rubbed his nose to yours like the way Eskimos kiss. He mirrored the smile and looked into your eyes deeply. You felt like he could read your soul. You would not be surprised if he could. He reached for his pocket and a small, square shaped, navy blue colored, velvet box appeared in his big hands. Your eyes went to the box he held in his hands from his face, and to his face from the small box in his hands. You opened your mouth to speak but words did not come out.

“Marry me.” He said without a without any hesitation in his voice. His eyes were glued to yours as he waited for your answer. You looked at him, your lips parted but not being able to speak.

All you could do was to nod. He closed the gap between the two of you and kissed you passionately. It was more like a fight to decide who was yearning more for the other than kissing. It is not like you had not been intimate with each other before, but something about this was just different. He pulled away from you after planting a loving, lighter kiss on your lips and opened the small box.

“It was my grandmother’s. My grandmother and my grandfather had loved each other dearly and they had lived a very happy life.” He told the story of the modest but mesmerizing ring as he put it on your ring.

“It’s beautiful.” You said, tears coming back. You placed a small kiss on his lips before hugging him so tightly that after a few minutes he asked you to let him go because he couldn’t breathe.

-

Someone knocked on the door as you were putting all the photos into the box and you were surprised that it was George. It was probably the first time you witnessed him knocking on a door. He had a knowing expression and a smirk on his face, so you just extended your hand for him to see the ring. The first words he said after seeing the ring made both Fred and you laugh.

“MUM! MUM!!! MUM!!!!!!!!”

He left the room in a hurry and went downstairs running. Fred got up and looked at you before pointing out the door with his head, smiling softly. He extended his hand for you to hold before leading you downstairs to give the big news to everyone, if your brother-in-law to be hadn’t told everyone yet, of course.

#fred weasley #fred weasley imagine #fred weasly x reader #fred weasley fanfiction #fred weasley imagines #fanfictiion #imagine #scenario #fred #weasley #freddie #gred and forge #weasleys wizard wheezes #weasleys #harry potter #Harry Potter universe #hp #hp universe #fluff #comfort #fred weasley fic #fred weasley fics #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter imagines #harry potter imagine #fic #draco fanfiction #hp fic #hp fics #potterhead

[percydarling]

I'll be honest,if the weasley kids had a tv show I would have percy as my favourite. Bill aand charlie arent in it so I wouldnt have an opinion (they're obviously hinted at but never there) Arthur's gonna annoy me kinda, molly is really nice but she always compares her kids. Ron (as lovely as he is) can be really mean to percy and just sucky to him. I love Ginny but everyone knows jk made her because "girl power= not feminine traits!1!1!1!" I love her,I love her love for quidditch but I feel like I still clearly see what she represents and that's jks sentiments (like cho for example, as an asian it's never gonna leave my mind). The twins would be great in theory but 2 twins insulting their older brother, burning a hole through their brothers tongue? Pranking everybody ALL THE TIME? I say I love them but seriously if I studied at hogwarts I would loathe them because hey, were in class- prank somebody in a more boring one or after. Also they're way too mean to percy.

Percy is the kinda dude I'd identify with, I hate how his family shames him alot. Sure hes ambitious but at the same time I hate when they bully him for his pride in his prefect badge and his head boy badge, like CMON! Gryffindor traits??? PRIDEFUL like yeah hes gonna be happy because he feels accomplished. I remember getting into model un and I talked about it at dinner time,my siblings got kinda annoyed but did they insult me abt it? No! They understood that this was a big part of my pride. They teased me a little "Haha model un-er" or "your rooms the country your representing right? Oops I dont have my passport" regular happy sibling stuff. You dont insult your brothers pride and joy, it's obvious hes so happy about it.

If there's gonna be a show on the Weasley family, the only interestee Weasley I would be watching is for Percy. Now let's go through every Weasley.

Arthur- at work, never home, if at home in shed exploring muggle things instead of probably bonding with his children.

Molly-would do chores, help children and maybe chat with next door neigbour. A slight chance of bonding with kids. Not very entertaining really.

Bill and Charlie- I mean depends whether they're even there or gone. If they're there they'd probably argue with each other. Maybe we'll get the Bill earring story and Charlie dragon obsession. Other than that maybe sibling bonding which is always good.

Twins- I cannot emphasize enough as to why I wouldn't watch the twins, if there was such a tv show. Each episode they'll probably prank someone most probably Ron and Percy. And then these pranks would get violent and physical and they would still be the saints and Percy the villain.

I mean the twins cause Ron's phobia, almost make him take the Unbreakable Vow (Ron was 5!) and then beat his Puffskein to death.

AND PUFFSKEIN IS AN ANIMAL.

And that's only Ron. If I start on Percy the jokes are endless but let's just end with the twins tried to locked Percy in a pyramid( God knows how old!). Enough said.

Ron- We already have Ron content in the book. Do we really need more? Yes we do but not if it's Ron insulting Percy. And if this show was before Harry and Hogwarts then Ron would be a young child like 9-10 years old and I personally wouldn't be interested. I love Ron but he loses absolutely no moment to insult or bitch about his brother. Plus Ron is whiny. Sometimes.

Ginny- They'll probably make her a Mary Sue who can do no wrong. They would seriously do that and make her a female version of the twins. Sorry not interested in watching her.

When we come to Percy there are so many things we can do. We can see bonding with Bill or Charlie. Percy being a good older brother and helping with nightmares. Percy being his mother's support system. Percy helping Arthur with his work. Percy teaching Ron chess. Percy planning a prank with twins. Percy playing dolls with Ginny.

With Percy you can relate him to everyone in some way or another. We know Molly loves Percy and probably considers him her favorite. Probably. Arthur with the Ministry so Percy and Ministry. Percy going to Bill with help for studies. Percy helping Charlie research about dragons.(Percy telling Charlie his dormmate is crazy about quidditch and asking if Charlie could give him tips and an autograph)

Percy playing chess with Ron. We know Percy is protective over Ron and Ginny. So we can assume that Percy teaches Ron chess and helps him read. Percy reading to Ginny about Harry Potter.(Really though who else would have? Molly would be busy and Bill and Charlie wouldn't)

Or we can have Percy writing stuff. Short stories and articles. Percy being a writer. Percy singing , dancing or drawing. Percy sneaking to Muggle town and talking to them.

Percy finding Scabbers.

Percy going to the Lovegood residence and talking with Luna's mother because she is such an amazing person.

(And taking her death the hardest)

Also Percy bonding with Luna.

Percy bonding with Uncle Billius or Great Aunt Muriel. Also reminsing time with Uncle Gideon and Fabian.

Percy having babysitter called Lily Potter who looked just like him but with bright green eyes. She reads to him about adventure stories and tells him she loves him very much and once brought her husband with her(who's an animagus!)

(While his brothers rejoiced the fall of You Know Who, Percy cried because Miss Lily and Mr James were dead. That was the time Percy realised that bad things happen to good people)

Well to put it in short there are so many angles with Percy which makes him interesting in my opinion.

If they do make let's hope they don't screw Percy over like they did with him in that damn game.

Also for that Percy interacting with Muggles there's an interesting fanfic called Percy's Diary.

https://m.fanfiction.net/s/7542632/1/Percy-s-Diary

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

Percy is the only Weasley who I can relate to which makes me love him more. I am an elder sibling, have been constantly insulted by family and friends for following rules and very rarely been put down for being excited for something.

And the whole making fun of Percy is bullying when they're laughing at him and not with him.

These 2 prepositions make all the difference when it comes to teasing and bullying.

And the twins are bullies. They are.

"Oh, are you a prefect, Percy? You should've said something, we had no idea."

This is one of the lines they say.

How much do you want to bet that the twins didn't say something like this to Bill when he became prefect and HeadBoy?

Percy was a constant butt of their jokes and pranks, including bewitching his prefect and Head Boy badges to read Pinhead and Bighead Boy respectively, and sending dragon dung to his office at the Ministry.

This is from the official wikia. People can try to make the twins saint and say it was all good natured and everything. But I will always see the twins as bullies.

And the thing is the twins and Ron never bothered to praise Percy and that just feels wrong. Everytime they talk about Percy it's qn insult. When I talk about my brother to an acquaintance I don't insult him unlike Ron.

I feel that as Percy fans we love him because he is complicated. He isn't like the rest of the Weasleys. He isn't charming or funny. He's just a normal guy trying to do better and Percy fans get it because it's relatable. We can relate to being ordinary. He doesn't have earrings or pranks or a saviour best friend. He's just a guy who follows rules and wants to be successful. Who wouldn't relate with that?

And maybe some of us have been ridiculed just like Percy so we understand. We also understand that this is Harry's biased view and all he has been told about Percy is usually by Ron or the twins who insult him on a regular basis. And Harry is no better! He uses words like pompously like he understands how a person talks pompously?

So I love Percy a lot because I relate to him and I would never in my life apologise for loving such a complicated character.

#percy weasley #percy weasley deserves better #ask in a box #thanks for the ask! #twin weasleys criticism #all weasleys except for Percy criticism #but not much

[eagesoldartblog]

cliche prompts - 9 with lewthur maybe?

9 Cliche (Lewthur) There's only one bed and we sleep as far away as possible from each other but wake up cuddling

“I hate being a medium,” Arthur admits quietly. More or less likely to himself than anything, considering he was across the room, cross-legged on the bed and grumbling under his breath.

It took everything in Lewis to not flash over to him, and wrap an arm around his shoulder. Something he hadn’t considered doing in a long time since his fall… when things were better, and they all were alive.

Now that Lewis was dead, and arguably still peeved about the whole dying thing, those urges felt more out of place than anything.

And more likely than not, it occurred when he wasn’t looking at Arthur. As long as he wasn’t facing him, he would be able to revert back to that cheerful state where nothing was wrong and Lewis had more than enough love to share…

When Lewis did notice him, the glint of metal… it all comes rushing back. Arthur wouldn’t even want that affection. He was just as traumatized as Lewis was, and it was obvious in how he conducted himself. Shoulders hunched, head low, never meeting Lewis’s eye…

It hurt, but it’s not like Lewis was any different. Lewis instead made sure to avoid him at almost all cost, use Vivi as a buffer, never fully communicate with Arthur unless needed…

It wasn’t the best, they all knew that, but it was a a start in getting use to one another again. They will open up again, become … acquaintances again….

Lewis could only hope, at least.

But, tonight things weren’t going to be comfortable. Neither of them wanted to address it, but it was obvious.

Vivi wasn’t there with them in the ‘haunted’ building. Turns out, the spirit roaming the neighborhood changes its resting place every night, always going somewhere new. They had singled out the few places that would have been- a farmhouse at the end of town, and a garage a block away.

Vivi and Mystery went alone. The two of them were strong willed, whilst Arthur was still healing and vulnerable, and even if Mystery was abundantly powerful, it was easily masked, whilst Lewis could not.

So him and Arthur were left in the previous resting place, a young woman’s single room apartment that she had just moved into. The only thing moved in, was a bed in the center of the single space.

Arthur had scoffed under his breath at the realization earlier. Since Vivi has taken the van however- he was left stranded with Lewis. And the room somehow felt even more cramped when Lewis picked up on it as well.

Since there wasn’t a square foot of cleared space due to the abundance of boxes scattered across the floor… they would most likely spend the night on the same bed.

Of course, Lewis could tell Arthur didn’t like the idea. Infact, Lewis wasn’t really all about it either.

And because of that, they tried their damndest to ignore each other even more.

They ordered sushi and squeezed in at opposite ends of the apartment, barely out of the others' sight.

Arthur tried to let time pass by standing outside listening to music and reading about the town's history outside of the complex. However, Lewis’ worry only intensified at the thought of Arthur being a victim to the spirit or the locals, and he dragged Arthur back inside. Even if there was protest.

Now, it was eleven o’clock at night.

Arthur drops his phone into his lap and moans miserably, his head falling back and slouching- Lewis has half the mind to press his knee to Arthurs spine and scold him for poor posture.

But he resisted that urge, anxiously drumming his fingers against his arm as he watched him shrug off his vest. Then plug in his phone in bitterly before flopping onto the flat pillows.

Neither say anything for a moment.

“... How is she?” Lewis finally asks, risking a few steps closer to the bed.

He noticed, and Arthur grips the duvet and crawls under it, refusing to look at Lewis, “Vivi’s fine. They think the spirit is at the barn, so she’s staying there for tonight.”

“Gotcha…”

More silence. It’s prickling at Lewis more and more.

“Would… you like some help removing your prosthetic?”

Arthur shifts uncomfortably, pushing himself up, “Nah, I got it.”

Lewis nods and turns away, clicking his tongue the smallest bit as he tries to find anything to distract himself with. Only until Arthur was done, and the prosthetic was set on the bedside table.

Only then did Lewis approach more directly, trying to conceal a grimace even if Arthur wouldn’t see it. He still didn’t want Arthur to be aware of his displeasure. The fact that he was somehow disappointed - with what? Lewis… wasn’t actually sure.

Maybe it was because Arthur certainly wasn’t happy with the arrangement- Emphasized by his flinching when Lewis pushes aside the blankets and Crawls underneath with him. Lewis could have almost seen a realization bloom in arthurs head, had been even been looking. But then, Arthur flips over over, staring at him. They both freeze. Arthur’s own expression was tight and filled with concern. Scanning over Lewis and the space between them, lost in thought.

Lewis swallows back his apprehension, “Sorry I-“

He wasn’t able to finish his sentence before Arthur grabs his own pillow and stuffs it in between them - even though they were both on opposite edges of the bed, the pillow still took up a lot more space than expected, forcing Lewis back a few inches.

“Just for tonight,” Arthur says under his breath. It wasn’t up for debate.

The annoyance was prickling up his spine again. If he wasn’t already so tired, he would have spat something back at him, or at least commented on how standoffish he’s being over this.

Instead, Lewis grumbles a small agreement, laying down and rolling over so that way their backs were to each other.

How petty. Can't even bear to be near him for just a few hours? Pathetic.

Although Lewis couldn’t help but relate. By the smallest fraction. Just a few months ago, Lewis couldn’t stand to be in the same room as Arthur for more than an hour at a time. Sharing a bed with no one to distract them or act as a buffer would have Lewis throwing a fit.

Hopefully it won’t be too bad. Lewis thought to himself.

Sunlight filters through the partially drawn curtains and towers of boxes. Somehow creating the perfect amount of shadow that caused a single stripe of light to shine directly across Lewis’s eyes. The brightness of it burns and Lewis twitches before shifting. He opens his eyes, squinting at the light and pouting. Even if they were on a case, he still enjoyed sleeping in! Especially since sleeping is… difficult as a ghost.

Lewis sighs, stretching out his legs… and finally feeling something against his chest and arms. Too hard to be a pillow and too soft to be a box… Lewis blinks and unfolds one of his arms, rubbing his eyes and trying to focus on what’s in front of him.

Gold and yellow. There’s locks of golden hair stabbing against his chin- or was his chin nestled in it? It’s rather soft- wait.

Eyes widening, Lewis silently gasps and pulls himself back, shuffling from the middle of the bed back to the side- when did he get so close? Unfortunately, the jerking wakes Arthur up. As Lewis untucks his arms from the hugging position and starts to almost push himself off the bed, arthurs jolts up. Eyes wide, searching the apartment for whatever woke him-!

And then falling on Lewis, who couldn’t stop the warmth from filling his cheeks and the embarrassment from twisting his expression.

“Were you-?” Arthur glances from him to the sheets, eyeing the wrinkles as they bunched you right beside him. Before it dawns on him as well and his face twists with a familiar sense of familiarity and embarrassment.

It was far too tense. Lewis palms the back of his head and chuckles softly, “Old habits die hard, don’t they?”

Lip twitching, Arthur turns away and grabs his phone, turning away from him, “That’s.. not funny.”

#mystery skulls animated #msa #msa fanfics #lewis pepper #arthur kingsmen #lewthur #? #eage fanfic #anyway this was SUPPOSED to be fluffy but unfortunately #uh #we got this #please enjoy!!! my abundance of elipses!!!

[arthoure]

Gawain and the Green Knight

In honor of the movie, I’m liveblogging my reread of “Sir Gawain and the Green Knight”! How long can one poet go on about a giant glowing green man who is somehow inexplicably sexy? YOU WOULD BE SURPRISED.

So first off, I’m rereading the Tolkien translation because I wanted a hard copy and that’s the one I already own. The full book is Sir Gawain and the Green Knight; Pearl; Sir Orfeo by J.R.R. Tolkien if you want to ask your local bookstore to order it in for you; it’s a collection of three short story poems. I like Tolkien’s translations because he’s careful to keep the Old English meter, which is a kind of complex technique of mixed rhythms and alliteration that I’ll try to get deeper into later. (He actually wrote a lot of LotR in Old English meter. Try reading Theoden’s charge out loud if you’re curious; it’s cool!) You can see some of it here, starting the story with images of betrayal right off the bat:

Something I liked about the movie trailer was that it looks like it’ll be leaning deep into the fantastical, which is very true to the source. Lots of Arthuriana has magic, but Green Knight really doesn’t hold back. It makes sure to let you know right away that Arthur’s realm is a weird place where weird stuff happens. (It’s also very nationalistic, “Oh, Britain is the coolest place, founded by the Romans, no cooler place than Britain” -- okay gawain poet, jesus.)

So what happens in the first ten pages of the story? Basically we go on about how great and weird the area is, then we’re told that it’s Christmas/New Year’s and King Arthur is throwing a massive feast. There are a lot of really fun details! There were a bunch of tournaments and jousting, dancing every night, super long dinners with a zillion courses of food, and even -- something that personally struck me, because it’s not something we really associate with the Middle Ages in a modern understanding -- descriptions of people laughing. Once we’re told about all the partying and feasting, which goes on for days nonstop (very normal for religious feasts at that time! I’m jealous), Arthur decides he wants something exciting to happen and his wish is immediately granted when a massive, glowing, green man on a giant green horse rides said green horse right into the middle of his hall.

Before we get to the Green Knight himself, I really like depictions in the text of Arthur as the "boy king" -- he took the sword from the stone so young, and even after all these years and battles, has he ever really grown up? Is he like this because of the trauma of war, or the influence of power? Possibly both? But that boyish enthusiasm makes him personable, relatable, and it’s something his subjects seem to really like about him. Despite all his power, Arthur doesn’t seem to think he’s better than anyone else, and you don’t really see that in kings.

He’s also the original Drama King. This story goes on to say that it’s his custom not to eat at feasts until something nuts happens to entertain him first. This was the detail that really made me fall in love with the story; this ridiculous idea of the great King Arthur having almost these Mad King moments where he routinely refuses to eat until his banquet is awesome enough. Are these more indications of his childishness? Are they supposed to indicate that such a great king requires great feats alongside the normal parts of life? Idk but it always strikes me as funny.

Right on cue, the Green Knight busts in. And I had forgotten HOW MUCH TIME the author devotes to making sure we all know how huge and sexy he is??? It seriously goes on for like 3 pages. Looks like monsterfucking is a venerable tradition going back hundreds of years, etc. (Unrelated but I also like the use of "portal" in that first sentence there, below--meaning “door,” but it also invokes the idea of this fairy man appearing from a magical dimension.)

Besides the descriptions of the Green Knight's physicality there's also a FULL PAGE about what he's wearing, and as a romance writer I have a lot of thoughts about this. Yeah we're emphasizing his wealth & marvel, but the "trim hose tight-drawn...that clung to his calves"?

The sparknotes of his outfit: -Literally everything is green, like his skin and hair, except where it’s embellished with gold. -He doesn't wear shoes! I DON’T KNOW WHY AND IT BUGS ME. -His clothes are embroidered with motifs of birds and flies. Maybe that has something to do with what he's carrying? BECAUSE... The text emphasizes he's not dressed for battle and carries no weapons, bearing the a holly branch and axe instead in an interesting contrast. The story takes place at Christmas so the holly is in season: life and beauty where most plants are dormant. But the axe has the power to end that life.

That’s where I stopped for the day but I’ll be back for another 10 pages later!

#arthurian lit #arthoure reads green knight #cross post

[wherearemyglassesbro]

Alternative careers for the Allies:

I see a lot of the same careers picked for them (baker, librarian, etc) so I’m gonna go out on a limb, maybe even into...OOC territory :0 we will see where this journey leads us

Alfred: A surfing instructor! Alfred is kind and adventurous and though he can be silly he is also strong. He values the saftey of his students very much!! He’s excited to show them the wonders of surfong and just how fun it is to be out on the waves! He is always so proud of them when they surf their first big wave on their own! He’s whooping and hollering and cheering them on from the beach :D He drives a bright blue jeep and when his students see him out and about they all honk at him and he thinks it’s hilarious :D He’s a guest judge at a lot of small surf competitions and he’s also a fantastic announcer too!! He just!! Loves surfing! Seeing kids love it too makes him beyond happy!

Ivan: Ivan is a tv host with his own renovation show stationed in Hawaii. He takes small, run down homes and turns them into livable spaces with a tropical feel. Ivan built up his reputation bakc home in Russia and moved to the US. From there he signed deals with tv companies and bam! He got a show. He has always wanted to live on a warm island somewhere and now he gets to share his passion for renovation with thousands of viewers! He offers tips for DIYs throughout his show and he does his best to bring Hawaiian culture into the homes he builds/fixes. He incorporates all sorts of environmentally friendly fixtures and nature inspired patterns all over! And the best part? He’s there to walk families through the space and shake their hands when they buy it! Even though Ivan is huge and intimidating, in his show he’s seen in khaki shorts, Hawaiian shirts, sandals and socks most of the time. Also, can’t forget a constant sunburn and an intense tan line from his watch on his wrist lmao

Francis: A ballet teacher! Fran is kind but he can be harsh with his words on occasion. He never wants to make his dancers feel terrible about themselves the way other instructors do but when he’s frustrated he may sling around insults “Are you in kindergarten? Because only kindergarteners would point their foot like that! It’s pathetic! I’ve taught you better in the past six years, havent I?” When he teaches, he doesn’t just stand to the side and yell, he performs the motions and stretches with his students! If they’re gonna put this much work into his class then he should too. His students are very aware of his expectations and when they meet those expectations he showers them with compliments! He’s so proud of his dancers, each and every one. They can all easily see his smiling face in the crowd when they’re on stage! And he visits his graduated students when they’re on bigger stages :’)

Yao: Interior designer :0 Yao has extravagant tastes! I can see him as an interior designer for the rich $$$ He keeps what they like in mind and he’ll carefully pick out each and every piece of furniture based on his clients personalities and favorite colors. If they have a pet he’ll add special touches like a gold bird perch or a suede dog bed ;) While he makes sure everything is nice, he’ll pick certain expensive things on purpose just cause! Its his job but sometimes, watching rich people blow their money on silly things is funny to him. His own home is furnished nicely but not too crazy. His pride and joy is his livingroom where his fish tank is :) When a client has a fish tank??? He won’t shut up about it and he’ll make extra sure to emphasize that fish tank! He’ll put good accents in there (safe for the fish of course) and bling out the walls around the fish tank to make other people look at it! He just...loves fish a lot. He incorporates fish art and imagery into a lot of the homes he works in/on

Arthur: uh oh...Artie. Art is naturally sarcastic so what could be a better job for him than a food critic? He couldn’t cook a chicken tender to save his life but he has a great palette. He’ll pick apart dishes and leave scathing reviews and people listen!! Cause he’s persuasive, he writes very well and he articulates his points perfectly. It’s also rather funny when he writes Gordon Ramsay style insults about the food if it’s bad lol. He isn’t just mean though, before he leaves any restaurant he offers genuine advice. He’ll help the owners and cooks figure out what went wrong and how they can do better in the future! He’s a jerk but he isn’t totally evil! He wants to see restraunts succeed!!! He often revisits places he hated just so he can see if they improved!

Matthew: Mattie...is a shoe maker! Not just any kind of shoes, oh no!! He makes high quality hiking boots and other kinds of work boots. He’s a working man and he sees the importance of having food footwear to keep you going throughout the day. His boots are all waterproof, thick soled, warm interior, and many have metal inserts in the toes. If you’re working with machinery, metal toed shoes may just save your toes one day and Matt gets that! He’s made a ton of money off of his boots! All of that money’s going into his big ol’ cabin where he hopes that one day he’ll get to raise a family in :’) He’s in commercials for his boots too so people recognize him...which is a little embarrassing. He’s lowkey rich but he wants to live like a normal guy yknow? He doesn’t think he’s anything special, he’s just a guy who makes affordable boots for workers. Please don’t take pictures...Look away!! He’s just getting groceries like a normal guy! Nothing to see here! Just normal guy business!!

#aph #hetalia #headcanons #aph france #aph england #aph america #aph canada #aph china #aph russia #aph allies #hetalia headcanons #hetalia writing #ask away #ask away! #always up for hc requests

[actualbird]

nobody (okay, well, 2 people DID ask, but it’s too late to change the title of this essay series now) asked but here are three main humor techniques i apply a lot in my fanfiction | a 2k word long post where i talk humor theory at you for entirely too long

I love humor. A good 75% of my personality is based primarily on whether or not it would be funny and thus, the study and application of comedy is something of a very big huge large interest of mine. I love watching standup comedy, I love telling jokes, but most of all, I love literature that makes me laugh. 

I write humor, and I put a lot of thought into it, and here, I will do the least funny thing ever: I will over-explain my jokes.

Before we do that, we must set some ground rules first. What is humor? Well, in Humor: Its Origin and Development, Paul McGhee contends that no single theory could encapsulate the entirety of humor. Additionally, according to McGhee, humor does not physically exist. It is, instead, a perception brought about by certain scenarios with certain characteristics. What we can take away from here is that first, humor is vast, and there are many ways to both explain it and achieve it, and second, that humor is something caused by certain other things. 

I do not claim to be an expert in humor, just an enthusiast, so what I will not be giving a cheat code to humorous writing. I will, instead, share three techniques that I frequently use and explain how they work.

The three techniques are the following:

INCONGRUENCY: Things that don’t fit.

SLAPSTICK: I hope that doesn’t happen to me.

CHEKOV’S GAG: If the gun is there, it better be funny.

My examples for each of these techniques will come from various sources of media. My examples of my own writing will all be coming from the most recent fanfic I have written, my Polygon Cyberpunk Red high school au “teenagers scare the living shit out of me.” Examples will sometimes have overlap in the technique they utilize, but I’ll try my best to keep everything clear on what exactly I’m trying to explain.

Without further ado, let’s jump right into it!

INCONGRUENCY: Things that don’t fit.

Göran Nerhardt, in McGhee’s book, states that “Humor is seen as a consequence of the discrepancy between two mental representations, one of which is an expectation and the other is some idea or percept.” Nerhardt’s definition of humor is one that relies on incongruity: wherein there is an element that is not in accordance with the other elements. An incongruous element is one that is not the expectation, and in this subversion of expectation, humor is achieved. 

In simpler terms, a congruent situation would be “A man walks into a bar and orders a beer.” An incongruent situation would “A man walks into a bar. ‘Ow!’ He says.” 

In the first example, everything is as expected, and in the second, the word “bar” has the characteristic of being a homophone, a word with different definitions. The second example takes advantage of the other definition of the word “bar”, that is to say a metal tube object, and thus the reaction of the man. 

Incongruency plays on the unexpected, the out of place, and the odd. This technique in particular I learned from writers like Douglas Adams and Terry Pratchett. They use incongruence, they use it A LOT but what I want to talk about is, first, its use as a descriptor. 

“The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't.” -Douglas Adams, The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

“In a distant forest a wolf howled, felt embarrassed when no one joined in, and stopped.” -Terry Pratchett, The Light Fantastic

Description is a fertile ground for humor. You have a thing, there are expectations to how that thing will appear or act, and then you describe it in a way that’s unexpected. I pull this trick off in so many fics, but here is an example from chapter 4 of the high school au.

Mr. Hypo sits at the desk in front of the classroom, staring all three of them down. Vang0, Dasha, and Burger are seated in the stupid circle again, looking at Robbie as it powers up like a man with gout.

Incongruency here is Robbie, the animatronic. Expectation is that it will be described in a robot like manner. Reality is that I describe it having the same condition that occasionally ails my nearly 50 year old father. 

Aside from description, incongruence is also something I play around with in the events of situations themselves. The most clear example I can give is this scene, from chapter 6, is this:

Burger picks up the closest thing.

That thing happens to be Peter.

“Peter!” Burger looks at Peter in the eye as Edmundton picks up a chair and starts menacingly walking towards Burger. He says, very quickly “Do you consent to be used as a self defense projectile!?”

Peter, pigeonly, nods.

“Thank youuuuuuuu!” Burger yells as he throws Peter at Edmundton’s face.

The context of this scene is that Burger has just entered active combat. Combat is serious. Combat is deadly. Combat is hitting and getting hurt. So what’s something unexpected you can do in this situation to make it funny? Have Burger ask a pigeon if it’s alright with being thrown at an enemy, and then make Burger actually throw the pigeon at the enemy. 

Incongruence is something that is present in a lot of humor situations and it’s very, very fun to play around with. Messing around with incongruence makes you think about what is expected in writing and forces you to think outside of the box in a manner that will elicit laughter.

Let’s move on to our next topic now!

SLAPSTICK: I hope that doesn’t happen to me.

Kevin Casper in his article I’m so glad you’re fake! describes slapstick comedy as a physical type of humor wherein actions are done in an excessive, ridiculous, and sometimes violent manner. Slapstick is Mr. Bean exploding a can of paint to paint his apartment. Slapstick is Courage the Cowardly Dog’s eyes popping out of his sockets when he sees something scary. Slapstick is the ending of Polygon’s video on Slapstick and Doom Eternal (a very good video about slapstick and horror violence) where Pat Gill gets hit in the face with a tube of paper. 

The excessiveness of slapstick creates a non-reality for viewers to enjoy in safety. It is a type of humor that revels in the suspension of reality, but more than that, it is a type of humor that you particularly gain enjoyment from because of the fact that it’s not happening to YOU.

Now, I use slapstick comedy sometimes, but I deviate from excessiveness and instead lean more into that last thing I said. I write situations that are funny and that you also don’t want to ever happen to you as a person. One example of “fuck, that’s hilarious, but I hope it never happens to me” is the following scene from Spiderman: Into The Spider Verse, where Miles Morales, invisible, has to find information on Doctor Octavia’s computer. When he accesses the computer, he is met with this.

You don’t want this to happen to you. But damn is it hilarious that it’s happening to somebody else.

When I am creating scenes that I want to be funny, I think about whether or not it would be funnier if I made it excruciating for the characters involved. So excruciating that you really, really, wouldn’t want to be in that situation. An example of this technique in play is from chapter 4 of the high school au, where the gang are in a room they shouldn’t be in, somebody is about to come in and stop them, and they are all at the mercy of a program slowly, slowly uploading.

 “Hey!” The somebody outside says, jangling the doorknob more violently. “Club time is over, nobody should be in this room!”

“Vang0, how long until the program is done?” Dasha hisses.

“43% Uploaded,” Vang0 says, panicked.

“Hurry.”

“I can’t make technology be faster.”

“Who’s in there!” The person outside yells.

“Should I answer?” Burger asks.

“Do not answer.” Dasha says.

Burger nods. “I’m gonna answer.”

“BURGER—”

“WE’RE JUST A COUPLE OF NOT FRIENDS. JUST LOOKING AROUND.”

“Who are you!” The person outside yells.

“Do not answer, Burger,” Dasha says, sounding like this conversation is actively shaving years off of her lifespan.

“But he’s asking,” Burger looks at Dasha then at the door then at Dasha again, looking very nervous.

“Just lie then,” Dasha tells Burger.

“Gotcha,” Burger nods, determined, and turns to the door to yell. “I’M NOT BURGER CHAINZ.”

“Oh my god,” Dasha thunks her head onto Vang0’s shoulder. “Is it done loading, yet?”

“98% Uploaded,” Vang0 says, feeling his blood pressure in a way he’s never felt before.

I make this situation worse for the characters by making Burger completely fail at being stealthy. As one reader told me about this chapter “I love Burger, but if I were in that room, I would strangle him.” Exactly! It’s not a situation you’d ever want to be in! 

But the characters are in it and you get to enjoy their suffering from a safe vantage point as a reader. 

Slapstick comedy is all about making situations outrageous and ridiculous and something readers wouldn’t want to legitimately experience. It’s about tapping into your audience’s mind and wondering what they want to see but not want to go through.

And last but not least!

CHEKOV’S GAG: If the gun is there, it better be funny

The principle of Chekov’s Gun is a principle that emphasizes that objects in a story should have a use. According to Bill in Chekhov: The Silent Voice of Freedom, Chekov says “If you say in the first chapter that there is a rifle hanging on the wall, in the second or third chapter it absolutely must go off. If it's not going to be fired, it shouldn't be hanging there.” 

Chekov’s Gag is that same rule, but instead of the gun going off, the gun better be fucking hilarious at some point. 

The first example I can think of is from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. In the beginning of the movie, King Arthur stops by a castle and asks the guards to tell their master that he is here. This exchange happens:

Now, this, on its own, is already hilarious. It plays on incongruence (guards being very enthusiastic about bird’s holding coconuts and the logistics of that), slapstick (if you were Arthur and you wanted to have a simple conversation, people suddenly talking about birds and ignoring you is not a situation you want to be in), but what about Chekov’s Gag?

To become Chekov’s Gag, this situation must be brought up again in a funny manner later in the movie.

And so it does.

An hour later in the movie, The Knights of Camelot are at the Bridge of Death. There, they have to answer 3 questions correctly. If they do not have an answer, they are shot into a deadly cavern of doom.

King Arthur steps up to answer his 3 questions. Here is what happens:

The African swallow or the European swallow has achieved Chekov’s Gag-age.

Chekov’s Gag is something I’ve only started doing recently, in fanfiction. An example of this in the high school au is that, in the first chapter, I introduce two things. 1) Peter, an overfed pigeon, and 2) Robbie the RoboDog, an animatronic of the school.

Throughout the fic, I don’t forget about Peter or Robbie. I bring them up again and again and I make sure to make their presence not just integral to the winning of the final boss battle in chapter 6, but I make their presence funny.

Chekov’s Gag is a new trick I’ve started doing, and it definitely requires foresight and planning. It makes you think long term but at the same time forces you to think about the things you already have present in your story and make you re-evaluate just how else they could be used. If done correctly, the effect is hilarity, but also deep, deep satisfaction.

So there we have it! Three humor techniques that I use in my fanfiction. Shit that doesn’t make sense, shit you don’t want happening to you, and shit that you saw a while ago which you’ll see again later and when you do, it’ll be awesome.

Thanks for reading! 

#nobody asked but #long post

[littlestarofthewest]

Title: Matthew’s Monster Mystery | Words: 2759 | Rating: Mature

Pairing: Gen | (past John x Abigail) | Tags: monster AU, modern AU, WIP

Credit: inspired by @veradia‘s art | with input from @fangirl-ramblings and @sad-sweet-cowboah

Summary: When John insists on going to a Halloween party, Abigail worries that people might catch on that she and her friends aren't just dressed up as monsters. If only she knew that the night would take a turn for the worse.

Arthur hears voices the second he opens the apartment door, meaning that his three roomies are home, and judging from the sound of it, they're arguing.

"Come on, Abby. It's a party, not a matter of life and death."

"John, you're literally dead," Abigail counters, making Arthur huff a laugh.

He checks the mail on the counter while the argument continues in the other room.

"So? Doesn't mean I have to act like it," John says. "Back me up here, Sadie."

"He has a point," Sadie says, and Arthur enters the room right as Abigail scuffs at her in disbelief.

"What's going on here?" Arthur asks, and when both John and Abigail attempt to answer, he points at Sadie. "I'd rather hear it from her."

John leans back against the couch like a sulking child while Abigail crosses her arms and glares at Arthur.

"John brought home this flyer for a Halloween party he wants to go to," Sadie says, nodding to a piece of paper on the table. "Guess what Abigail has to say about that."

"I can imagine," Arthur says, and Abigail huffs.

"And you know I'm right."

It's one of those times Arthur wonders why exactly he lives with these quarrelers, but as a werewolf, he can't exactly be picky. After all, he's lucky that they want to live with him. If only they left him out of these disputes.

To stall, Arthur picks up the flyer and reads through it, feeling everybody's eyes on himself.

"I understand your concerns, Abigail," Arthur begins, only to be interrupted by John, who jumps up from the sofa.

"Oh, come on. Not you, too!"

"But," Arthur continues, emphasizing the word as he looks at John, "I don't see the harm."

John slaps his hands together, throwing a triumphant "Ha!" at Abigail. She only rolls her eyes at him before turning to Arthur.

"You can't be serious," she says. "Us? At a party? I thought we agreed to fly under the radar. After all, we're not exactly the fitting in kind."

"In this case, we are," Arthur says, holding up the flyer. "Everybody's going to be in costume. I wouldn't have to worry about any teeth or fur showing, and John could go out without having to hide the fact that he's nothing but a rotting corpse for once."

"Appreciate the support, brother," John throws in with a sarcastic tone.

Arthur grins at him before Sadie snatches the flyer from his hand to read through it as well. "Look, Abigail, it's not even a Halloween party. It's tonight, not tomorrow. And it takes place in an abandoned factory. The area is huge, and nobody's going to look at us twice. And if they do, we'll just claw their eyes out and eat their hearts."

"Not. Funny," Abigail says, looking like she's about to claw Sadie's eyes out. She might have done so if it wasn't for the fact that Sadie could just pop them back in without harm.

"You could use a day off yourself," Arthur says, trying to set Abigail at ease. "You might not have the physical problems we have, but we know you're struggling with hiding all the time."

"Yeah," John throws in before Abigail can disagree once more. "Imagine a night out. Putting on a nice dress, dusting off the pointy hat. And if you throw some sparks, people will think it's a cool party trick."

"I don't know," Abigail says, the fight leaving her.

"Come on," John says. He walks over to Abigail and takes her hands. "Let me see those sparkling eyes."

Abigail tries her best to hide it, but a smile creeps onto her face. It's moments like these that make Arthur wonder why the two of them are not a couple anymore. They'd be great if they could just stop with the constant fighting.

"Show us, Abby," Sadie says, and when Abigail shakes her head, Arthur chimes in as well.

"You know you want to."

"Fine." Abigail takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. When she opens them, they're glowing with golden spots. "Let's go to the party."

--------

Arthur shoulders his way through the crowd to get back to their table. The gang turned him into their personal waiter since he has the best assets to get through the dancing people. 

"Coming through," he growls, and a steampunk Sherlock jumps to the side, dragging a person in a full-body fox costume with them to make room.

Climbing the stairs to the upper level, Arthur has the same effect on a few more people. Although they must think that it's a costume, they still seem mighty impressed. To celebrate the occasion, Arthur didn't bother to even put on a shirt, his fur and general body heat enough to keep him warm. The only thing he's holding back at the moment is the claws. It's kind of hard to carry drinks with them.

At the table, Arthur hands Sadie a beer before putting down two bottles of whiskey. Abigail's still nipping on her first cocktail, her eyes growing big at the sight.

"What are you doing? I thought we were at least trying to be inconspicuous."

"We are," John says before grabbing one of the bottles. "Nobody's even looking at us."

He takes a drag from his joint, and Abigail rolls her eyes. "Why would you risk getting in trouble with that? You can't get high anyway."

"I just like the taste," John says before opening the whiskey bottle and drinking from it as if it was water.

He's clearly baiting Abigail, but she doesn't lay into him for once, looking at Arthur instead. "Why do you always indulge him?"

"Maybe I just want to see how much his body can take before it falls apart."

Sadie laughs when John makes a face, and even Abigail fights a smile. Arthur pulls up his glass and pours himself a drink before pushing it over to Abigail.

"Think you can give it a little kick?"

Just like John, Arthur can't get drunk from alcohol alone, but being roommates with a witch has its perks. It didn't take them long to figure out that Abigail's magic can spice things up a little.

Abigail looks around as if to make sure that nobody's watching. Arthur's convinced that even if somebody does, they wouldn't care. Most people here are drunk, high, or otherwise engaged. Abigail shrugs before holding out her fist over Arthur's glass. She opens it up and then moves her finger in a circle. The liquid in the glass glows and moves with her finger, then a small puff of smoke goes up in the air.

"Thank you kindly," Arthur says, and Abigail smiles.

"I guess it's really pretty safe."

"Told you," John chimes in before pushing his bottle over to Abigail. "Now do mine."

Abigail frowns at him, venom in her voice when she speaks. "John Marston, when the hell will you finally learn some manners?"

"What? You did it for Arthur."

"He asked," Abigail spits, but before she can say more, Sadie jumps up.

"That's it, you two are killing my vibe. I need something to do. You coming, Arthur?"

The chances of John and Abigail getting into another fight is pretty high, so Arthur gets to his feet. "Right behind you."

They make their way downstairs, and Sadie keeps looking around as if she's searching for something in particular.

"You got a plan?" Arthur asks, and Sadie smiles.

"I think I do."

A few minutes later, they're standing beside a table that's filled with cups. Sadie found a few "easy boys" as she called them, and challenged them to a game of beer pong. While she's playing, Arthur stands to the side and enjoys the show.

Since Sadie doesn't even have a bloodstream the alcohol could get into, it's no trouble for her to have a drink or two. Not that it really comes to that. All of her balls hit their targets, and the "easy boys" don't stand a chance.

A few people come closer to the table, watching as Sadie's opponents do their best to beat her, one of them swaying dangerously from one side to the other. They didn't stand a chance from the start, but the drunker they get, the funnier it is to watch them try. After a while, even Arthur begins to feel his pumped up drink and cheers for Sadie. At least until a small figure appears next to him.

"Hey, big boy," the woman says, smiling at him.

She's wearing a tight black dress, her hair falling in waves over her shoulder. Arthur's eyes are drawn to her blood-red lips and then to her nails when she trails them along his arm.

"That is such a great costume. The fur looks so real."

"It is," Arthur says, regretting it a second later.

The red lady doesn't seem to care, though. She keeps touching him and looks up to him through her fake lashes. "I wish I would have dressed as Red Riding Hood. You could have been my big bad wolf."

A shiver runs down Arthur's spine, something he rarely gets to feel. "I- uhm," he starts while drawing a complete blank for what to say next.

"Told you, I'll win, honey," a familiar voice says, and Sadie grabs Arthur's arm before dragging him down to plant a kiss on his cheek. "Let's head back."

She doesn't give the red lady a second glance and pulls Arthur along. When they're out of earshot, Arthur sighs. "Thank you."

"You looked like you were about to pass out."

"I'm not even sure what she wanted."

Sadie laughs. "Climb you like a tree would be my guess."

"But why?"

"One of these days, we'll get you a nice box of self-esteem, and then you'll see." Sadie leans in, putting her lips right by Arthur's ear. "Big bad wolf."

"Just keep walking," Arthur grunts and maneuvers Sadie up the stairs.

Surprisingly enough, they find John and Abigail sitting on the same side of the table. Judging by Abigail's rosy cheeks, they buried the hatchet and gave John's bottle a little kick after all.

"You seem chipper," Sadie says, and Abigail shrugs.

"When you can't fight them, join them. Right?" Abigail says, looking back and forth between Arthur and Sadie. "What have you been up to."

"Sadie dragged some guys," Arthur says, and John and Abigail both laugh.

"They had it coming," Sadie says, waving her hand dismissively. "Way more important - Arthur got hit on."

"By who?" Abigail asks.

"Sexy vampire lady," Sadie says with a grin.

John leans back in his chair with an expression on his face like Christmas came early. "Bet you loved that."

"Just shut up," Arthur grunts before emptying his glass and reaching for his bottle to fill it right up again.

Abigail pats his arm. "She probably wasn't the one. Doesn't mean we can't keep looking."

"How about her?" John asks, nodding to a small group next to them. "The fairy. What do you think, Arthur?"

The woman in question is about Sadie's height, with long silvery hair. She's wearing a dress that looks like the wind blew up some leaves, and she walked away with the ones that got stuck.

"That I'd snap her like a twig."

"No, don't say that," Abigail says, and Sadie leans over the table to get a better look. 

"You think she's the real deal? That doesn't look like a wig, and she sure has the physique for a fairy."

They all stare at the woman now, but it's hard to tell if someone is a monster or not. After all, they might be pretty good at hiding, just like the four of them are.

"Bet you 5 bucks she's real," John says, and Arthur takes another look at her.

It's been a while that he ran into someone like them. To him, the fairy looks as real as the vampire lady.

"Fine, you're on."

"I say fake, too," Abigail says. "From what I can tell, there's no magic on her."

"You might be right, but I still bet on her being real," Sadie says, leaning around Arthur for a better view. "I wouldn't mind a little magic from her."

"Let's find out then," John says, and before Abigail can hold him back, he already stumbles over to the poor woman.

They don't understand what John's saying, but while the woman smiles at first, her expression quickly changes, and she slaps John before storming off. 

Despite the harsh treatment, John comes over with a smile. "Guess I was wrong. She's no fairy."

He throws money on the table, and Arthur pockets it while Abigail studies John's face.

"You just got slapped, and you lost the bet. What are you smiling about?" she asks.

"Fake fairy was very excited when I asked about her number for the pretty blonde at my table," John says, winking at Sadie. "She only slapped me when I asked if I could watch."

"You're an idiot," Abigail says, but Sadie jumps to her feet.

"You're a genius," she says, clapping John's shoulder before disappearing into the crowd.

John sits down and takes a swig from his bottle. "One down, one to go. So, vampire lady, huh?"

Arthur only shakes his head. The last time John tried to set him up didn't end well, and Arthur has no desire to try again. 

"Why one to go?" Abigail asks. "What about me?"

"Oh, I know who you're going home with," John says, and by the way he looks at her, she and Arthur can tell what he means.

"No way," Abigail laughs, but Arthur has seen those signs before.

"I'll get another drink," he says, getting up from his chair.

Abigail shakes her head at John, who's still giving her what he might think are bedroom eyes before turning to Arthur. "Your bottle is practically full."

"You two take that one," Arthur says. 

He doesn't want to stick around. Either John and Abigail are going to fight again or they'll get along way better than Arthur cares to see. Although he's not that interested in going on the prowl, he'll rather take his chances in the crowd. Maybe he can find somebody nice after all. Everything, as long as it's not a vampire.

-------

When they leave two hours later, Arthur's just tired, Sadie has fake fairy's phone number in her pocket, and John and Abigail whisper and laugh with each other about things only they find funny.

Therefore, Arthur's happy when his phone lights up with an incoming video call.

"Hey guys, look," he says, waving the other's over before answering the call. "Hey, Hosea."

Their friend and somewhat father figure waves back at them. "Hello, Arthur. How are you doing?"

"We're just walking home from a party."

"Party, huh? That's smart. Blending in with the Halloween crowd."

Both John and Abigail break into fits of laughter, and Sadie huffs. It's funny to hear Hosea call John smart of all people.

"What are you up to this late?" Arthur says, trying his best to focus on Hosea.

"I'm meeting a friend, we're-"

Hosea trails off, and Arthur can see him look around.

"You're alright, Hosea?"

"Yeah, I just thought I-" Hosea starts, but then he looks away from his phone again, his eyes growing big. "Hey, what are you-"

The picture shakes, Hosea disappearing out of the frame. "Let me go," he grunts, then the image goes dark.

"Hosea," Arthur shouts, but his phone switches the screen, showing him that the call has ended.

"What the hell was that?" Sadie says, and John and Abigail both stare at Arthur, all happiness drained from their faces.

"I think someone attacked him," Arthur says, his whole body tingling at the words.

He looks down at his phone and finally has the sense to call Hosea back. It rings again and again, but nobody answers.

"What now?" John asks. "We should do something, right?"

"Find him, of course," Abigail says.

"Was he in the park?" Sadie asks. "I think I saw that ugly fountain in the background."

The picture of what they just saw comes up in Arthur's mind. "You're right, we should go. Maybe whoever he was about to meet wasn't a friend after all."

They quickly make their way along the street towards the nearby park. Another shiver runs down Arthur's spine, giving him a bad feeling. He'd never admit it out loud, but he doesn't believe that they'll find Hosea so easily. 

Something is very, very wrong.

#rdr2 fanfiction #cara's halloween au #my writing

[potteresque-ire]

(I wrote this as a response to another post. It got long, potentially upsetting, so I decided to move it here.)

(TW: Criticism of Draco Malfoy under the cut.)

I think the best analogy I can come up with for Slytherins in an Americanized Hogwarts is if they are the children of the tech giants (Hello Draco Bezos) and multi-company conglomerates, the top-earning Wall Street hedge fund managers, the property moguls like the Trumps and the Bloombergs, and the legacy politicians like the Bushes and the Kennedys. This would be a fairer comparison to the social-economic power of Slytherin families in the books because conservatives in the USA mostly do not come from privileged homes. And I suspect even this American analogue may pale to its UK counterpart, for it lacks the centuries of practice ("tradition”) as a convenient excuse for continuing its underlying bigotry.

Draco Bezos or Draco Trump or Draco Bush has as little choice as being of these surnames as Draco Malfoy. The members of the Americanized Slytherin house, likewise, don’t deserve to be seen as all evil, and maybe — and very likely — they’re not. But consider what Americanized Ron would think about the Slytherins as a group, bearing in mind that the books are written in the POV of Harry, a child himself and Ron’s fierce friend, if…

(Under the cut, for I’m VERY talkative today ...)

- If this Americanized Draco still buys his way into the Quidditch team with a Nimbus 2001. The obvious bribery aside, everyone in this Slytherin team can readily afford the same thing, and likely already has, at least, a Nimbus 2000 in possession.

- If Americanized Lucius also interferes with school policy with connections to Washington; he rubs shoulders with Secretary of Education Umbridge, who he got to know back when they were lobbying together in the capital.

- If the execution weapon of choice for Buckbeak is a golf club, a gift from the President Goyle of MACUSA. Walden McNair, former Slytherin, has just received a medal of honour for being able to wield it with style. This is a tale retold by a very bitter Theodore Nott, whose father owns the golf course resort where President Goyle plays but Nott Sr. only gets to keep the hamburger wraps of the President’s lunch. The other regular attendee of these lunches is the landowner of the entire Hogsmeade, who happens to be Gregory Goyle’s father.

And speaking of Hogsmeade...

- If Goyle Inc. hikes the rent of the town after every visit by Hogwarts students. Prices of items sold in Hogsmeade shops hike accordingly to deflect the cost. The Weasleys haven’t been able to afford anything there for years.

Goyle Inc. has also been looking to invest in Ottery St Catchpole, re-develop the area into one with ... farmer’s market. Lots and lots of farmer’s markets where a loaf of bread costs $10.00 apiece.

- If American Hogwarts is also free but God knows for how long. Its profits from the previous years — sorry, not profit, but endowment as should be referred to for non-profit organisations — has been channelled into the stock market and the stock market hasn’t been doing so well. Mrs Zabini, the manager of the fund, still gets her commission even if Hogwarts goes bankrupt. In fact, a volatile market with high trading volumes is a godsend for her income, and her yearly bonus is large enough to run Hogwarts for a year. She’s very generous, however, and donates 1% of it to the school, which gets her name engraved on the Gryffindor-Zabini Tower.

Meanwhile, if the Weasleys go home every summer not knowing if they can return to the same tower on September 1st.

- If Skelegro and other potions in the infirmary are rationed due to high cost and every time a Weasley find themselves injured in a Quidditch match, the Malfoys, father or son or both, would remark on the Weasleys having more children than they can afford, and recommend the school board that these potions should be rationed by surname as well. The Slytherins have no such concerns of course; the Parkinsons are heads of an international potion conglomerate and they can always import extra potions from Brazil, which are sold at a small fraction of the cost they sold to Hogwarts (yes, they have the licence and patent to produce the Skelegro. Why did you ask?).

…

Perhaps -- assuming my understanding of UK’s class system isn’t too off the mark -- these if’s can provide a sense of Slytherin’s privilege in canon to the American audience, and related to this, how Draco’s prejudice towards Ron cannot be put on the same moral scale from Ron’s prejudice against Draco. I’d also like to emphasize this: I haven’t touched at all, on this list, on Voldemort’s reign of terror. I haven’t touched, at all, on the fact that Voldemort’s war had been spearheaded by the parents of many current Slytherin students, and this war had only been suspended -- not ended -- for just short of a decade when the Class of Harry Potter entered Hogwarts. The wounds were still fresh. Arthur and Molly could’ve easily suffered similar fates as the Potters and the Longbottom’s. The bigotry of the Slytherins, and of the Malfoys, wasn’t merely a suspected thing in the canon years, like how we feel about a celebrity who’s made a questionable tweet. Not only was their bigotry a fact in the canon years, but it was also a real, ongoing threat that, if permitted to run its course, could and would ruin the lives of the Weasleys.

Ron seeing the Slytherins as a threat arguably served the dual function of keeping him safe -- perhaps not at the moment, but in the future. Draco, on the other hand, had nothing to fear about Ron and above all, the socioeconomic class that the Weasleys represented.

They never stood on equal grounds.

And here’s the thing I don’t understand. Or I think I understand it, having seen this Ron-is-as-bad-as-Draco-and-Slytherins-are-victims-of Dumbledore’s-prejudice debate in various forms over the years — this isn’t new or controversial, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this has become the dominant view within the ship — and I’m not sure I can get myself to face what I’ve understood, because what this is is worrisome for me.

Please hear me out.

The Drarry fandom on Tumblr has, in my observation, always taken a very strong, hardline stance against prejudice. The post that says something along the line of 10 people who sits with a Nazi makes a table of 11 Nazis get numerous likes and reblogs. And yet in this situation, we have a boy, Ron, who is directly affected by the prejudice, who’s familiar with the connections between his Slytherin classmates and those who have not only worked to make their brand of bigotry the law but helped murder those who do not agree, and his distaste for these oppressors as a group is somehow seen as equal as his likely future oppressors’ disgust at his presence.

The reason given is inevitably a variation of this: Draco was a child. He was parroting his parent’s beliefs. He was too young to be responsible for his words, or his actions. He was a victim.

I’ve not seen this defence offered, not even once within the Drarry circle, for a real-life bully. Tumblr’s user base is young, and many have a history of being bullied due to their race, gender, sexuality, disability, socioeconomic class. After a bit of subtraction (Young Age - Bullying History in Years), I’d take that many of these RL events happened when the victim and the perpetrator were about the age of Ron and Draco in canon. And yet, not once have I seen a shipper on my dash suggest the bully was a victim, or that they weren’t at fault because they were only parroting the prejudice of their conservative families, their schools, their religion etc. That maybe they didn’t mean what they were saying or doing.

This is a (very) good thing. But it also makes me wonder: defenders of Draco and the Slytherins do know, deep down, that the excuse they’ve offered Draco isn’t nearly good enough to exempt him from his behaviour.

Draco might not have understood the greater political ramifications of his bullying, but he knew he was hurting Ron. Bullying cannot a be mindless act; it cannot be a passive reflection of one’s lessons from school or family for It’s a pre-meditated, targeted behaviour, and a good bully like Draco — he came up with a bullying chant that the whole school knew in the end — tailors his acts to serve a specific purpose of hurting the victim. Draco might not have known that calling Hermione a Mudblood could devalue her life enough to make it ripe for elimination when Voldemort came to power, but he knew perfectly well that the term was derogatory. This is especially true if one agrees with the common headcanon that Draco was second only to Hermione in marks in school, that he was no Crabbe or Goyle and he was intelligent.

Our ship celebrates Draco’s sharp tongue, but that tongue was used exclusively to ridicule, to bully in canon -- it’s fandom that has given it a better / higher / romantic purpose. His father’s tongue spoke the language of bigotry to the ears of the Ministry; this was the Malfoy’s weapon of choice and Draco was forging his own in the books. His bullying ways in canon was written with humour, with Weasley is Our King being the epitome of the laughs. I don’t believe it was JKR’s intention for her readers to fall in love with Draco via his bullying style, however. The HP world was built as a mirror of our own (rather than as a manual of what an ideal world should be, as many in fandom has seemed to assume), and Weasley is Our King showcased how easily bigotry can creep into our day-to-day language when it’s masqueraded as a joke (Even Luna was singing it at some point):

Oh, relax! It’s perfectly fine for everyone to know the Weasleys were born in a bin, into poverty! Funny, isn’t it? HAHAHAHA!

Imagine seeing this kind of behaviour on Tumblr. Imagine trying to defend this kind of behaviour on Tumblr.

I have faith that most of my Drarry friends cannot, will not do the latter.

So please, please reconsider what you’re really saying when you call Draco the victim, the vulnerable one, when you insist that he and the Slytherins had been wronged. I don’t mean to start another debate and I don’t plan to engage in one; this isn’t a call-out post either, I enjoy reading all the opinions expressed and I understand many of the sentiments I’m questioning comes from a place of love. I just hope that everyone who’s reading (thank you) can sit back, think a little. Imagine for a moment that table with the Nazis. Even if, at the table, there’re actually 10 Nazis and 1 who isn’t, who is more vulnerable? The non-Nazi sitting with the Nazis? Or the person who refuses to sit at the table and makes a bad judgement call on the 11th sitter by assuming they are a Nazi as well? Who is more the victim, or more likely to become one? The 11th sitter who’s wrongly labelled? Or the standing person who is being eyed by the 10 Nazis with disgust, the 10 Nazis who already have a family history of hunting down the standing person’s family and friends?

Or does the answer -- and this is the understanding I’ve got but haven’t dared to face -- does the answer depend on if he character in question had white-blond hair that glinted so beautifully in the sun? Is that the reason why Draco Malfoy, bigot, bully, has been given this special treatment, this carte blanche in the sense that he’ll always remain on our good side, be exempt from our moral judgement regardless of what he did, because his physical description doesn’t contain a single hint of melanin?

#pie speaks #hp meta #pie metas