Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
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came back wrong trope but the character knows that they came back wrong. they’re so acutely aware of how different they are now from how they were before that it drives them fucking insane. they’re stuck trying to return to somebody that’s long dead. they can never be the person they once were. everybody around them knows it. deep down, they know it too, but they’re trapped in a cycle of their own making. of trying to revive someone that no longer exists.
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the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.
the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.
friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.
if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!
what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!
people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.
you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.
your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.
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Danny as a member of Metahumans Anonymous
So, Gotham has a fairly strict No Metas Rule. Not because Batman hates Metas or because the people do, but because it isn’t safe for them to live there with so many Rouges looking for powerful Henchmen. Rogues that will do anything to them or their families to get them to obey.
The few Metas that do live there do so in secret, hiding their powers from everybody else and trying to live a normal life.
Then comes in Danny Fenton. He just recently moved to the City for work, and he just so happens to move in across from one of these hidden Metas. His neighbor accidentally reveals his powers to Danny, and starts to panic because even one person knowing could lead to more people knowing and soon enough he would be stuck in a henchman position being ragdolled by the Batman for the crime of using his Fire Breath to heat up his coffee in front of his neighbor.
Before his neighbor can panic anymore and run away, Danny uses his powers to freeze the doorknob shut. Seeing that Danny is also a Meta, his neighbor calms down a bit.
They start hanging out together, a sort of Metahuman solidarity, and eventually meet another Meta, and another, and another, each time sharing their contact info to keep in touch and make sure everybody else is safe. They eventually meet a couple dozen Metas living on Gotham in secret, creating a group chat to keep in touch and talk.
This eventually culminates into weekly meetings to hang out and discuss their lives, talk about the ways that being Metas affected their lives, explain the various way they unlocked their powers (lab accident, car crash, naturally as kids, etc.), and even play some sports while using their Powers in a hidden warehouse.
It’s a sort of freedom that none of them have experienced since moving to Gotham, a way to let loose and confide in people who understand their lives and struggles. It becomes therapeutic in a way, and it does help that Danny knows a little about Psychology from his sister, so he can help his new friends calm down during a panic attack or talk about tough subjects more easily.
He can also use his Technical Know-How build them some trinkets, as little souvenirs or gifts. But he is also a Ghost, and the love-language of Ghosts is violence, so he makes them little weapons as “Toy Gifts”. He makes a Flamethrower for his Fire Neighbor as a joke, a Blowgun for the guy with Wind Powers, a Water Gun for the guy who makes acid, all that.
They even use the toy weapons in their Games, and it helps that some of their members have healing powers so their don’t have to worry about being hurt too bad.
All in all, it’s a really fun place to hang out with their Meta buddies.
Their Safe Haven.
...
Then one day, Robin sees some people using their powers from a skylight of the Meta Sports Warehouse.
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What’s something that should be innocent that turns pervert Beel on?
Nsfw!
Kinda basic ik!! But watching you eat-
Especially stuff like cream puffs or éclairs it’s almost painful for Beel to watch but he just can’t pull his eyes away from your lips, the way your cheeks puff out a bit when you take an extra big bite and a bit of cream drips onto your lips. It takes all of Beel’s self control not to cream, heh- come in his pants.
Even watching you eat other stuff likel a banana, or suck on a popsicle, even a sucker- sucking yk-
Beel’s busy imaging how fuckin’ hot you'd look with his cock stuffed in your mouth instead. he really hopes you don’t notice the way he stares at you, and his cheeks bright red too-
I already mentioned popsicles, but it’s even worse for poor Beel if you’re like me and you love creamsicles!!! wide eyes following the way your lips move, the way you take it deeper ‘n deeper down your throat, the little bit of cream dripping down from the corner of your mouth and the way your tongue darts out to lick it away.
Beel is burning all of it into his memory- he has too for when he’s jerking off later, moaning your name and picturing you on your knees in front of him, looking him right in the eyes and licking his cum off your lips just like you did with the creamsicle earlier~
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Being in the Pennyworth fandom will have you googling shit like "How to fortify an umbrella against acid rain" to try and give a smidge of credibility to the storyline you're plotting.
Meanwhile, the official writers are just giving interviews like, "Yeah, the mad cultists who got turned into super weapons by a drug activated by a popular song sung by Alfred Pennyworth's pop star girlfriend survived the nuclear bomb that got dropped on London, so now there are these irradiated mutant cultists cannibals roaming the streets of London who go ballistic for 70s pop ballads. What do you mean, 'how did we plan to resolve that?'"
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