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life-rewritten · 3 years

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THARNTYPE 7 YEARS; THE CHEATING DISAGREEMENT

So I finally emerge out of the dark and show up to talk and discuss TharnType Episode 10. It was first, a traumatic episode for me, as in I was left feeling baffled, angry and disappointed, but I actually have rewatched it later, and I have my own opinion of this mess of a show. It might be a mess, but it's my mess, and I still love it very much, weird because anyone who saw episode 10 came out feeling outraged and I do get that, I do, I'm not going to pretend or defend what's wrong however TharnType has never been a show that has lied to us, it's always been about problematic flawed people in serious need of therapy, who end up falling in love and use love as their end all be all, their comfort, strength, and the thing that saves them. It's nice to think about a love that feels like your support and soulmate, someone to rely on, your everything, your loyal devoter, etc., it's nice to have that but if you're of a broken mindset where you have so many scars and trauma to deal with it brings a question of are you ready to be in a relationship, shouldn't you learn to be alone and happy first without anyone, shouldn't you be healthy before you do meet the one? I think this episode exposed these questions about TT because even after 7 years of love, they couldn't avoid the inevitable, they still had a lot of trauma, pain and insecurities to deal with before they can even be ready for marriage. In my opinion they really all need therapy even LeoFiat before they can stay with each other however TT has always been an escape to a fantasy about love stories, so we're going to deal with these issues pretty quickly; TT will get married, LeoFiat will stay together etc. And to be honest as much as in reality it makes me uncomfortable; no one should be going into this show for reality, advise or role models, you won't get that, what you'll get is a risky story about trauma, pain and love at the front of it all, and that's for you to decide if you can handle it, the dark parts, the defective parts and the questionable parts. I dealt with my own problems with it which I will be discussing but at the same time these problems have always been foreshadowed and told, no one should be surprised at any of the actions of this show, no one should be triggered into thinking people would think what they're doing is right (This show is meant to be 18+ I think, no sane adult would think what Type did to Fiat is correct). Still, I do understand both sides so here's my analysis on this episode, especially the cheating disagreement, who's right or who's wrong in this situation? Should Type be so angry? Should Tharn be so dramatic? Answer none of them is correct. Let's discuss it in detail.

TharnType: The Cheating Disagreement

Let's begin with Mr Tharn as usual. I remember in one of my first analysis, I mentioned that after 7 Years TharnType had become less toxic, more communicative, trying hard not to regress to their past immaturity and mistakes. And the thing is that that hasn't changed, from episode 2-9 TT have tried hard to grow and mature and be with each other, there were moments where they were tested like Type with his own regression and scars because of his boss and with Tharn we could tell something was looming with the marriage disagreement. And that's the thing with TT, they were in love, healthy, and happy, but the thing is; in TT 7 Years the show is about them having to face and deal with their internal scars.

Take Type, for example, he's had to the whole season to face barriers and blockages of his reasons for marriage, dealing with his past fears, his homophobic past and worries about reputation and more all connected to season 1 from his past, he had to face it head-on because he had a boss that forced him to deal with it, as he came through it and had to be without Tharn, he discovered that he wanted to be with Tharn all the time, couldn't live without him etc., And so he was ready to now cross the line and accept the proposal, for him it didn't matter about the checklist anymore because he wanted to be with Tharn no matter what. That was his lesson.

Meanwhile, Tharn was quiet yet loud, perfect yet full of holes, he was calm but something was brooding, the marriage disagreement showed that in his head he was scared, possessive and wanted Type to be his forever. His issue was always buried, almost forgotten but always there the scar of Lhong, Tar, San, Type and others. People forget that Tharn still had a mindset somewhere, where he was the one who was the most devoted and obsessed with Type, because of how they started; he stayed in the thought that he couldn't lose Type, so he never dealt with his own issues, he didn't deal with what happens when his fears come through (by Fiat, who's playing the role of being forceful like Type's boss), what happens when he and Type reach an impasse of miscommunication, and he loses Type, what happens when he hears that word again break up. It drove him back in episode 10 to his most significant, scariest and traumatised moments, he was not okay, but it had to come out before he and Type fully devoted themselves to each other. For 7 Years Tharn was not fully healed just like Type, Tharn was still insecure about Type's love for him, the instability of their relationship (will explain why he had every right to be) and more. Tharn had to deal with it when he saw Fiat kiss Type; it wasn't meant to be easy, it was something bubbling in him since episode 1 when Type refused the marriage proposal. Let's look deeper into Tharn's mindset.

There's a lot to unpack, so for the first time my essays may not follow linearly but bare with me I have a lot to analyse with this episode so it may be a bit all over the place. First of all, let's flashback to the past a similar situation to this one, before that remember Tharn asks Type in anger, "how would you have felt if it was me in that position". And the thing is we know how he would have felt we've seen it happen before; San.

The problem with San VS The problem with Fiat

In season 1 of TT, after TT gets together and Type refuses to cross the line with their relationship, defining the relationship, San shows up and starts to make Type jealous and angry. Type warns Tharn to stay away from San, they even fight about the breakup situation and Tharn tells Type; "I don't like that word it triggers me", okay not in those words but like that. Type and Tharn makeup, Type tells Tharn; don't do anything with San, that will make me angry. Listen carefully to how this scene unfolds:

Cut to Type excited to cook Tharn's dish as they just made up, he proceeds to walk out.

He sees San pull Tharn in a kiss.

Tharn pushes away.

Type runs and punches Tharn not San for cheating.

Reasons why Type beats and deals with Tharn, not San:

One, San was at their home (he wasn't meant to let San have any opportunities to be close to him anymore knowing what he's up to).

Tharn let San get in the position to kiss him (he shouldn't have been that vulnerable he should have been suspicious and worried).

They've discussed about it before; for them cheating is not something that would break them up thbut they'd face it head-on with each other before letting the other go. I know, right? We also see this confirmation later when in pettiness and anger Type makes Tharn jealous in the club, Tharn proceed to show his possessive nature (which is a flaw hence it's not a surprise to his reaction at this scene with Fiat) and Type warns him that he shouldn't cheat, Type won't cheat; no one is going to break up, but there will be issues and problems with it. Alright stay with me

THE MINDSET OF THARN

Let's go back to episode 10. Tharn has just again wanted to surprise Type (like Type wanted to with Tharn in season 1), proceeds to drive to work sees Fiat kiss Type (someone he already had doubts about will explain more) and his mind shuts down, and he proceeds to go to Type and blame him for being in the position. He believes the only explanation (since his head is unclear) is Type cheated on him. Let's pause.

A Mind Full of Doubt and Anger

First of all, Tharn was already on the way to Type to inquire about Fiat. We just didn't see it, bare with me, Fiat uploaded the picture of him getting drunk with Type and Tharn confirmed with PJeed in a previous episode that Type was out in the same bar drinking with someone. Tharn already had worries we just didn't see it. When Tharn returned home, and he set the table for the marriage proposal (I think he was going to wait for Type to come home and then propose) he saw Fiat's pen, and that's what got him to drive over to the hospital to check on Type. He was already driving there in doubt and rage and possessiveness; his mind blanked once he saw the final straw; Fiat's kiss. Okay back to the mirroring with the San problem, just like the same reason Type punched Tharn not San in season 1, Tharn took it out on Type.

Fiat had been in their home (they don't let anyone apart from Techno and friends in their home when they're together, they mention it, Type also gets anxious about Fiat finding him because he and Tharn don't let strangers in knowing they get jealous and also are protective, so people like Fiat don't get in), without an explanation. Fiat is Type's patient he shouldn't be there; it's a weird relationship, there should be no reason whatsoever for his pen to be at their house (also Type confirms he was there when his face shifts and he remembers what happened and Tharn notices that shift/guilt). Two, Fiat being at their home means Type let him in, means Type was comfortable with him (Type isn't comfortable with anyone in their home apart from Techno) to invite him in. Again it's an odd relationship for a patient and a doctor to have.

Fiat and Type had gone to the bar to drink. This is reason 2, letting your self in opportunities with someone you know has feelings for you or having a clue, hang around you. Being vulnerable enough to be in that position. This is hardest one Tharn has to believe because Type isn't someone easily vulnerable with people, one he has trauma about letting himself be that way, being so drunk he has no conscious, two he made it difficult for Tharn to break down his walls when they started and he doesn't actually open up to Tharn without Tharn forcing his way to the truth (we see this repeatedly this season), so why on earth would Type be with not his friends, with no one but Fiat, drunk and in a bar alone? It just doesn't add up when Type knows to avoid situations like this. Just like Type punched Tharn for giving San the opportunity to kiss him despite knowing his intentions, Tharn also got mad at Type for the same reason.

There was an actual kiss. Type actually let himself be in the position to be kissed by Fiat; despite both he and Tharn knowing they don't like cheating or scandals to do with it. Type is shocked Tharn thinks he will cheat, but really the thing is Tharn was already holding onto so much anger and doubt that when he saw the kiss, he didn't know what to think. And just like Type, he lashed out, it didn't mean he thought the relationship would break in fact he warns Fiat to stay away. Otherwise, he'd hurt him so he can go shout and lash out at Type, Type apologises, and they get back together. For TharnType cheating does not lead to break up, just a break down in communication which needs to be fixed. Unfortunately, Tharn's accusations hurt Type's pride and made him worry about how Tharn views him so he couldn't quickly settle he had to suggest the dreaded word they already fought about, something he knows triggers Tharn because they fought about it because of San, Type suggests a break and refuses to speak to Tharn after until he deals with Fiat. Like how dumb and inconsiderate can you be? Sorry both their actions give me stress, but Type, Type's activities made no sense to me despite the fact I will also break down his mindset soon.

So Tharn ends up broken being afraid to be loved, head shut down and filled with doubts and fears about their relationship because it's his turn to regress, it's his turn to become his worst version of himself. Type did that with the boss, but Tharn had to do that because of Fiat. So we see him alone, wandering aimlessly, drinking himself to tears because he's triggered by the fear that Type would end their relationship. Is it healthy? No, their dependency in this episode really became toxic and that's why I say okay this show has a great love base but really the love stories as beautiful and desirable as they are when happy, it's also toxic because they're too dependant on each other for my liking.

A Tired and Exhausted Mind

Now the San vs Fiat issue isn't the only clues Mame left this episode to make you truly understand that Tharn wasn't being overdramatic, he was psychologically broken. He was dealing with it in the way he knows how; to think he's undeserving of love etc. But another clue left is dialogue as with this show. When Tharn firsts blame Type on the cheating, he lets him know what's in his head about the situation, three quotes

"I thought you were sick." "I thought you needed me." "I rushed back from work tired and exhausted to get to you to see you doing this"

Now at first, you'll question why does this explain why Tharn struggles to accept the cheating dilemma as just a fluke. Well, here's why.

I thought you were sick:

First of all remember the reason why Tharn was rushing over in the car is because he started to question or have doubts about Fiat and Type, he'd seen Fiat before at the mall in episode 4, he'd seen the pictures and also probably the pen. The issue is on the phone when Type called him and told him he missed him and was waiting for him to come home, Type was sick, was vulnerable, was making him worried. However Tharn thought that it made it even worse because if Type was sick, he should have stayed at home, shouldn't have been drinking with Fiat, shouldn't let his patient in their home, and shouldn't be out here kissing said patient. Tharn still thought Type was not well, yet he had allowed his vulnerable self be close to Fiat which again is not something Type does typically. It meant there was some kind of trust, relationship shared with Fiat and Type that Tharn didn't know of, and his hazy and afraid mindset could only think of cheating.

I thought you needed me.

This one is pretty obvious. Tharn has an issue with not being loved; it's been the whole storyline of his, from season 1, when he was traumatised repeatedly in the past by Lhong to believe he was unlovable, to always never having someone who wants/needs him the way he wants/needs them, to always be the one who devotes all he has to be left. For Tharn he feels useless because of his past scars because of this very reason. When Type showed up things shifted, he was the perfect, lovable boyfriend, dependable, rich, sweet, loyal, even when Type didn't open up to him about his issues, Tharn went behind the scenes to help him solve them. He's been doing everything he can for Type, the work, the secret spies, everything to be useful to Type and yet he realised Type opened up to someone else, Type relied on someone else for comfort, Type wanted someone else to talk to and drink with. It felt messed up, and so he got into his fears about not being needed and started to think what Type wanted was Fiat not him; it's why he blames Type for cheating, Type already showed him the proof he wanted Fiat by being vulnerable with him in all the weak spots, without consciousness (being drunk), at his actual home (his safest space) and letting him physically cross the line with his body (the kiss). Tharn could not understand it at all hence the constant blame and questioning

I rushed back home tired and exhausted.

Thinking about what Tharn had been planning for Type, you understand more why this is even more of a big deal. They've had this marriage disagreement something that made Tharn question the stability of their relationship, the confirmation of Type's certainty, and if they were on the right page with what they want. The marriage disagreement was already making him flashback to their past where Type wasn't sure about crossing the line with them. Unfortunately going back to the past despite it being seven years later, Tharn hadn't dealt with the breakups, the fights and the issues with Type even if they were happy. To be honest, the fights, his begging and kneeling for Type to be his wasn't a good memory, he was continually trying to push it down, to see their love as equal but some part of Tharn couldn't believe it (because of his trauma of being left and because of the instability of his and Type's relationship).

An insecure and hazy mind

Type was hiding their relationship, opening up situations for people to believe they were single for the whole 7 years before the boss dilemma, it made Tharn angry, tired and frustrated but he was patient because he had told Type in the flashbacks (also crucial to this episode) that he'd wait when he's ready. So Tharn was already anxious about Type accepting the proposal, confirming the status of what their relationship is next, becoming public etc., because it was all that plagued his mind. But also Tharn was working hard because he knew Type was fired/quit from the hospital and needed security and stability that they'd be fine, he went to the 2 weeks work trip so he can work hard tirelessly to ensure he and Type were set for the future, he stayed up all night, refused contact and stayed focus exhausted, and the first thing he did when he rushed back was do a big show of his declaration of love despite the fact he was tired and needed to rest. His mind was exhausted, so it was easily vulnerable and was easily going to shut down due to signs of stress, he wasn't thinking properly because all he could think about was Type and he came back to seeing Type cheat. I did mention that one thing Mame was foreshadowing with TT (check previous essays here) was that Tharn's show of emotions was always going to be hasty, rushed, at the wrong time when Type had to deal with things, because of this it would cause chaos first of all, (like we see in episode 10) and second Type won't show consideration to his efforts making him feel mistreated/taken for granted.

A scene of this is Type taking the roses he bought to propose and throwing on the floor, and proceeding to mention the dreaded break up word before suggesting a break and walking out; It was inconsiderate because Type knows how Tharn reacts to that (Tharn's brain literally shut down again when Type asked him if he was breaking up with him) but even still Type proceed to throw away one of his efforts and walk out instead of pleading for Tharn to calm down, for him to let him be away so they can discuss better the next day. Type should not have left Tharn alone (naturally being apart is better for them but not in this shows lore where love is the most crucial thing and communication), Type should have gone to sleep and left Tharn to his thoughts no matter how much Tharn was being ridiculous and hurtful; he knows he and Tharn have been through this before (with Tar forcefully kissing Tharn) and he knows how Tharn reacts with this attitude. That's an example of how Type is inconsiderate to Tharn's feelings because of pride, stubbornness (waiting for Tharn to apologise first) and pettiness (to focus on Fiat first).

Like my previous analysis, this whole show has been about miscommunication of their internal scars, both misunderstanding each other's actions that stem from their own way to protect what they have but the other person sees it as an obstacle nonchalance to the other's efforts. Type is hurt because Tharn doubts his love when all he has been doing is missing him for the whole time, that he even got lovesick and lost his mind because of it, and Tharn is hurt because Type doesn't understand why he had to question and blame him, and he left him alone with the words break up and take a break. It wasn't right for both. Hence the dilemma.

THE MINDSET OF TYPE

Now I think it's pretty apparent why Type is hurt by Tharn so I won't focus on his perspective on the cheating disagreement; it's the same like he said word for word, how could Tharn not trust him after seven years, why would he think Type is capable of that when their love for each other is everlasting, and why would he refuse to trust him. Obvious stuff, let's focus on the other dilemma with Type—the revenge of Fiat.

Now to say I was appalled by this is an understatement, one Fiat is young like 7-10 years younger than these lot, so it's uncomfortable to see grown men (apart from Cir who didn't like taking part) agree with Type that although this is extreme, it's the correct thing to do. Two, Type is Fiat's doctor, like this is such a weird line to cross with your patient, not professional, scary and psychologically damaging as a doctor it breaks a lot of codes that's for sure, and three Leo standing there and letting this happen to Fiat just frustrates me all the more. So I want people to know I am against this before I actually start breaking it down in Type's point of view, this behaviour is not okay by any means, Type has never been meant to be a correct, moral character, he's always been problematic, harsh, volatile from season 1, this is nothing new. He risks things when it comes to revenge and anger; he takes it too far to make sure the person learns a lesson. Let's look into that warped mind of his and his reasons for why he did this:

A Frustrated and Desperate Mind

When Type thinks of what to do in the situation, it's important to note it was Techno and Champ that gave him the idea of what to do. Not the way but the idea to focus on Leo and Fiat. I was upset of course he should deal with Tharn first since that guy isn't stable whenever he's sacrificed for these acts, he's never okay every time it happens, he wasn't okay when Type broke up their relationship and left him with scars because of Lhong, and he wasn't okay when Type kept avoiding him and leaving him to stay worried they would break up. Like I said it's inconsiderate of Type. But Techno is the person who tells Type to deal with Fiat, in fact, to make sure Type deals with Fiat. Champ is who tells Type Leo likes Fiat and they should get them together to deal with the issue. Now look at Type's mindset; he needs to:

Find a way to get rid of Fiat for good. That boy isn't budging even when faced with moral dilemmas like stealing one's boyfriend, even when Tharn is telling him to stop he's still asking if I don't? He's a pest.

Get Leo and Fiat together: In a way, Fiat and Leo remind Type of him and Tharn's crazy, stupid and toxic beginnings, because of Type's stupidity and actions Tharn had to suffer constantly for them to be together. Fiat reminded Type of himself when he was little; he is protective of him even if people don't like that, he sees himself like an older brother, all he hates is Fiat doesn't get no for an answer that he doesn't want problems with Tharn but hearing about a love story filled with obstacles; Type wanted to help because it reminded him of Tharn and him; younger and dumber and toxic.

Get revenge on Fiat: This isn't surprising when you think about what the show, this season has shown us about Type. (Yes he matured and grew but there were clues he won't take what Fiat did likely), one he doesn't like people who try to ruin what he and Tharn have, they have been through this crap before with so many people it's not even funny, he doesn't have the time, they must know when they cross the line. Two, He is shown to be manipulative, cunning, sneaky, violent and harsh when it comes to protecting Tharn and him for Lhong he was willing to sacrifice for a bit Tharn's happiness, and his so he got revenge and got rid of Lhong. Three he's been this way petty, vindictive and violent when it comes to cheating issues since season 1, he doesn't like the feeling of fear and worries it causes both him and Tharn to have. It makes him angry and determined to teach people a lesson. Is that right? No, but it's been Type since day one, even seven years later for Tharn? It's Type. Type hasn't had to show how he is when someone threatens to ruin Tharn this season, we've only seen him grow because Tharn is safe and okay, but you saw how he reacted with the boss. No one messes with Tharn not even Fiat. He has to be taught a lesson.

A Determined and Helpful? Mind

So with these three thoughts in mind and a determination to teach Leo also a lesson about the seriousness of his actions, Type took it too far and planned a way to scare Fiat into confessing. Leo let him because it's his older P', he knows more about relationships. Remember, Fiat and Leo are young and inexperienced with all this. The way to do this, to get into Fiat's brain that he should stop, that Leo should stop letting Fiat stay a villain, and stop being a coward is through Fear. Type's actions in drugging, and staging a kidnap and threatening to harm Fiat is not okay, but it's enough to make Fiat know Type isn't to be messed with again (gets rid of him), it makes Fiat finally accept the error of his ways and confess to why he does what he does, lamenting about the fact that Leo never loved him. Leo overhears and realises all the pain he put Fiat through by being a coward (gets them together) and three it teaches Fiat a lesson for hurting Tharn (gets revenge) it's that simple, not right but it is that understandable.

Again Type isn't meant to be moral, he's a bad guy, he's a flawed character, toxic and problematic everyone in this show is, so yes it's uncomfortable, but TT has never been a show that is comfortable even if season 2 made you think it could be clues were telling you TT had a lot of pent up aggression, pain, and sadness from their past they had to deal with, and if someone triggers their regression that person pays for it as Lhong did, As Fiat did. Type has never been a saint, so I get the outrage, but it's 100% his character to do this.

Phu and Cir: The antithesis of TT and LF

Again the theme of this season is communication. And people have wondered why Phu and Cir are in the show, and I remembered telling you all that their scenes are meant to parallel and show a different mirroring to TT's relationship, in episode 1, it was to make Tharn feel angry that he and Type weren't out and full of PDA like they were in public, in two it was to showcase to us a dependable relationship despite parental problems, and in this episode, it was to showcase how communication works. Why all the other couples even ChampKhun (they aren't yet confessing how they feel), weren't progressing because they refused to communicate about their scars, fears and worries. Cir and Phu fought but made up after communicating and letting each other know they trust and devote themselves to each other. It's what TT and LF should do. LF finally got a chance for that and have gotten together, but TT will get there next week episode.

There's so much I can write about this episode. I'm probably going to write a LeoFiat analysis too because so much to say about their story. In the end, TT 7 Years is a journey, can be painful and worrying because it gets dark, but it's just like TT Season 1, nothing has changed, I know it's hard to want to like a show where the characters are so flawed, broken, unhealthy and problematic but there's a reality that TT aren't perfect characters, they're all human in a way despite their horrible actions, it's not okay, but I've never come into this show expecting saints, and warriors and heroes. I've expected three-dimensional flawed characters that make me question morals, psychological discussions and villains and what makes one, and it's why I like the show, it takes risks, it isn't perfect, the writing is not the best, but I stand with the fact the show is more profound than you all think. Mame has moments where she can be a good writer her vision for TT however wasn't done well, and I think it's her fault and the director (The problem with Mame), but I still get her vision, after all, I was right about LeoFiat since episode 3 if you follow the clues and the subtext the show isn't that surprising it's just a part 2 (not sequel) to TT S1, it's a conclusion to their story, you have to watch S1 and S2 together to understand why and how the characters act how they do. When you do the show makes more sense, you see the mirrors (like the flashbacks this episode weren't just there for cute moments but to show you Tharn's thoughts about their relationship, each moment we saw a cute moment reflected an issue; with San before that scene, a cheating conversation, a let's be boyfriends conversation etc.) all pointing to the disagreements the show has; the marriage disagreement (crossing the line to a new status) or the cheating disagreement (possessiveness and past scars). Everything has been built up since season 1. So yes I'm still here supporting the show, I know this won't get a lot of notes, a lot of people don't want to keep watching, and I don't blame you, but I still like this show. I haven't changed my mind. Let me know what you think if you're still watching the show, who is wrong in the cheating disagreement? How did you feel about Type vs Fiat? Let's discuss. See you next episode.

#tharntype #tharntype 2: 7 years of love #thai bl #mewgulf #bl series #bl drama #leofiat #cwg #january

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ins0mnia-an0nym0us-au · 4 years

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let’s talk about TUA fandom

y’all are hypocritical - let’s just get it out there.

before you start typing out some angry comments or coming in my ask-box lemme explain my reasoning here.

LUTHER HARGREEVES

Luther is one of the most hated characters in this fandom for some unknown reason to me. He is just another victim in all of this and as much as all of you want to blame everything on his actions, he simply acted in what he thought were the best interests of everyone. Luther showed his trauma in the same way the rest did.

In my opinion, Luther is one of the most underrated characters in The Umbrella Academy because all of you are too busy with your thirsting after Diego or uWu-ing over Klaus to notice him.

So here is Luther’s trauma broken down for all of you.

Luther was doomed from the moment he was chosen to be Number One, it’s that simple. From the very moment Reginald chose him, he had no chance, because he had the expectation of being the best put on his shoulders by a man who was never going to see any of them as anything less than worthless.

But Luther was determined to live up to his name, to be what his father wanted him to be – to be Number One.

Because for Luther he was sure everything that Reginald was doing was out of love. But I think Luther deep down knew that their father didn’t love them, but he needed to believe it was out of love, he couldn’t stand the thought of it being anything but love, because if it wasn’t love then it wasn’t worth it. He needed it to be worth it.

We got a glimpse of that in season one when he found all the packages he sent to Reginald. He never had any friends, he never left the house, he gave up his entire life for his father and the mission he believed in. Because he needed to believe it was worth it and when he found out it wasn’t – well, he had thrown his entire life away for what? It wasn’t because their father loved them or believed in them. So what was it?

Just to prove to all of you that Luther is more like his siblings than you all want to admit, here are some comparisons -

LUTHER: needed the moon to have a reason behind it, so much so that his obsession put others in danger. He also couldn’t face it when it turned out his mission was for nothing - so he regressed to his old behavior of thinking his father was right.

DIEGO: needed to be the hero, even though I’m almost positive Diego isn’t a complete idiot and knows that dramatically changing history would be bad - aka saving JFK could make the timeline explode, he needed to save him. So much so he was willing to put all of his siblings in jeopardy.

LUTHER: was told from the beginning he was the leader and that being Number One meant that he had to be the best. Because of this he had an inflated sense of importance. It just meant he had a higher distance to fall when he finally realized that it all meant nothing. He also doesn’t take their opinions or plans seriously because he’s Number One and his plans are superior.

FIVE: is a cocky little shit, who is insistent he is the smartest person around and he might be. But he views everyone around him as lesser, that includes his siblings. He has spent his entire time in the apocalypse trying to get back to save his siblings but still treats them like garbage. He also never lets his siblings in on anything that’s happening, he never sits them down and explains anything, and when they try to contribute with a plan or a theory he looks at them like they are stupid.

LUTHER: was sent to the moon, alone, with no one to talk to. Before that he had no friends his age, his only companions were Grace, his father, and Pogo. He’s been alone for a long time.

VANYA: has been alone for a lot longer than Luther - but trauma is not a competition and they both have dealt with it differently. I just wanted to point out these two similarities between the two characters.

LUTHER: is desperate for love and affection from his father. Everything he has done has been to get Reginalds approval and love but none of it has ever worked. He got small glimpses of things, like his dad’s favorite spot under a tree, so maybe he got a bit closer than the others but it was not real love.

ALLISON: is desperate for love and affection in general - hence her stardom. She needs attention, she feeds on it. It isn’t until she has Claire that I think she truly understands that everything until then has been fake. The unconditional love of a child made her realize that all of that fake love and affection is no match for real love.

LUTHER: has probably felt like a monster since before his transformation - having super-strength means having to be very careful with your own body. But after the transformation must’ve been so much worse.

BEN: literally has a monster inside of him and has always felt like a monster. The difference is he has openly spoken about feeling like a monster.

LUTHER: has always been in control of himself. He is the exact opposite of Klaus in how he uses control to deal with trauma. Luther needs control in order to deal with trauma.

KLAUS: has no control and he does not want it. To deal with trauma Klaus loses control by using drugs and alcohol but he also uses it to control his powers.

So now that I’ve gotten through the siblings a bit, let’s talk about another topic that has a bit of hypocrisy behind it -

ALLISON X LUTHER

For some reason this ship is very despised in the fandom, I don’t know if it’s because of the fact that one part of it is Luther but a lot of the reasons I see are just - ‘ew, they’re siblings’.

Yet, most of the ships in TUA fandom are of the siblings being paired together.

Five x Vanya [fics on ao3 - 372]

Diego x Klaus [fics on ao3 - 687]

Ben x Klaus [fics on ao3 - 311]

The only other ships that top these are -

Dave x Klaus [fics on ao3 - 1409]

Diego x Patch [fics on ao3 - 434]

And let’s be really honest for a second here - them being in any romantic relationship with each other, is not weird. None of them are biologically related to one another. They were just raised in the same household as one another and told to treat each other as siblings. If they had never been adopted by Reginald Hargreeves and met randomly on the side of the road, this discussion would be moot.

I find the Five x Vanya ship much more disturbing if I’m being honest, simply because most of the fics ship a fully grown Vanya, in the body of a 31-ish year old, with Five - who while mentally is like in his 60s or whatever, is back in his 13 year old body. If Vanya did ever get with Five before his body turned 18, it would be statutory rape.

Let’s also just for a second list some other fandom pairings that are pretty popular that people ship that have the same ‘we grew up as siblings but we aren’t biologically related’ trope.

Thor x Loki [fics on ao3 - 10894]

Eren x Mikasa [fics on ao3 - 1221]

John Marston x Arthur Morgan [fics on ao3 - 651]

Max x Alec [fics on ao3 - 357]

Iris x Barry [fics on ao3 - 3689]

It’s incredibly strange to me how unpopular Allison x Luther is - especially since it’s actually canon in the comics. Granted, some things from the comics of course should change or be adapted, but the chemistry between Tom Hopper and Emmy Raver-Lampman is just spectacular, especially during the dance scene in The Day That Wasn't.

I absolutely loved that scene (still mad it’s nowhere on youtube). I felt like we got to see Luther both as how Allison sees him and for a moment he was out of his head with Allison, relaxed and just himself.

If you just don’t ship it, just say you don’t ship it.

FINAL THOUGHTS

Alright. I think my duty as a member of the Luther-Protection squad is finished. If you can’t see your hypocrisy after this post, I really don’t know what to tell you. If you would like to have a calm discussion about why you think I’m wrong or right, I’m willing to talk about it. However, anyone who comes at me just spewing vitriol or that I’m so stupid will not be taken seriously, if you can’t have a calm discussion about things then I won’t take you seriously.

I do want to say though - I understand having favorite characters, I’m a sucker for characters that are only held back from destroying the world by a hug (Vanya). But I’m also someone who loves to look at the entire picture and appreciate the depth of each character in a series, even the ones I hate. In fact - some of my favorite characters were ones I hated and the actors/actresses soon became my favorite because it takes a lot of talent to make people hate you.

So for a moment, really think if you hate Luther Hargreeves or if you dislike his actions and if it’s his actions, who you really should hate is Reginald Hargreeves because all Luther has ever done has been a reaction to trauma - exactly like the rest of his siblings.

#the umbrella academy fandom #the umbrella academy #the umbrella academy season 2 #tua2 #tua #spoilers #i'm calling y'all out #luther hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #ben hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #five hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #trauma #reginald hargreeves #luther x allison #dumbasses being dumbasses #they are all stupid

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freebooter4ever · 2 years

Text

ive been considering my options, and started looking into moving - not all the way back to washington (where admittedly a little shack house at the base of mt rainier somewhere is sounding better and better)(but if i left california now i dont think i'd ever return and even if imag*n**ring is no longer in glendale im still clinging to the notion that being here still means something) - but somewhere in the more 'rural' areas of socal (if desert can be considered rural?)

My friend here who owns the house on the brush covered hill in the city also has a cabin up in big bear so im imagining something like that. Somewhere to hole up in for a year or so to just escape everything for a while. I can work remotely, as long as i have internet, and rent is certainly cheaper outside the city. And right now just disappearing for a while seems like a relief when i feel like i keep hitting walls and rejection from all corners even people i thought were friends. And the one friend - parent like - figure i have here, i am clinging harder and harder to and i am terrified of the day i push them over the edge and they stop talking to me too. Hence hiding until i feel confident people are no longer sick of me.

But then i think about how i very nearly went crazy house sitting in the artist's house alone on the canyon ridge for two months straight (and called nick way too many times to stomach it)...and i dont know if i could do it. Live alone in the middle of nowhere. Nick did it - moved to the canadian wilderness after a traumatic period in his life. Maybe a part of me wants to try just to prove that i can. Cause for all our similarities that was our fatal flaw - his introversion and my constant tendency to cling to people. He could - and did - pack up and leave at a moments notice, move to a new city, and start over again fresh. I kinda can too, its why i dont own any furniture and anything i want to keep i make sure it can fit in my little car. But instead of cutting ties i hold onto people until i suffocate them.

But thats why i worry i wouldn't be able to actually handle living hours away from anyone i know - no matter how appealing it might sound as a solution to the emotions dogpiling onto my back these past two years. If there was one theme between nick and i the entire time we were together it was always me going out - dancing, music, art events, parties - and asking him to go with me and him always saying no - he'd rather stay in rather be alone. And its not that i minded going out alone - i was used to it and there was always naeem hanging around events and the burgh was small enough i was bound to see someone anyone i recognized. It was the realization that what attracted me to a certain type of personality was almost incompatible with my own. Nick had all the charm and charisma and magneticism i so admired and which i never had any of...yet i was the one who liked people, i liked being around people. And he really didn't. And i guess i never really understood having this type of urge to cut off all ties, disappear, leave without a goodbye and without looking back till now. There's a lot of shame involved in my case.

So I'm looking through ads for weird secluded woodsy cabins and wondering if i would be able to survive a year disconnected except by internet, or if maybe i doubt that i could and that maybe i should be able to - learn to. at least once. to understand better? and maybe i should try now while it seems possible.

anyway im also pretty sure the pandemic has regressed me back to like...middle school levels of social anxiety because im terrified of everyone including any of you guys on here reading this - if i stop messaging you there is a good chance ive convinced myself that you hate me, im sorry in advance. I asked my coworker to lunch the other day and he said no and i havent been brave enough to ask again cause now im certain he's finally realized what a non-artist loser i am and its more productive to work through lunch anyway right? \o/

#Journal shit #Then theres also the possibility that i just need to take a really long car ride this weekend lol #And shut the fuck up #Fun fact in high school i would go to parties and then my dad would pick me up after #And he would force me to drive home bc i was supposed to be learning how to drive #And halfway through the ddrive i would burst into tears and dad would have to have us pull over and switch places #And id be crying the entire rest of the way home #It baffled my introverted dad who didnt understand why i went to these things #If i was just going to be upset by them #He never understood that i loved the parties i loved the people so much #Even though none of them would probably have considered me a friend #But it was always painful because i wanted to be oworthy enough that the people would like me too #What im saying is ive been battling this shit since i was young #The pandemic just resurfaced what i thought i had at least somewhat buried

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whitehotharlots · 4 years

Text

Privilege Theory is popular because it is conservative

Privilege theory, as a formal academic thing, has been around at least since 1989, when Peggy McIntosh published the now-seminal essay “White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack.” Even within academic cultural studies, however, privilege theory was pretty niche until about a decade ago--it’s not what you’d call intellectually sound (McIntosh’s essay contains zero citations), and its limitations as an analytical frame are pretty obvious. I went through a cultural studies-heavy PhD program in the early twenty teens and I only heard it mentioned a handful of times. If you didn’t get a humanities degree, odds are it didn’t enter your purview until 2015 or thereabouts.

This poses an obvious question: how could an obscure and not particularly groundbreaking academic concept become so ubiquitous so quickly? How did such a niche (and, frankly, weird and alienating) understanding of racial relations become so de rigeur that companies that still utilize slave labor and still produce skin whitening cream are now all but mandated to release statements denouncing it?

Simply put, the rapid ascent of privilege theory is due to the fact that privilege theory is fundamentally conservative. Not in cultural sense, no. But if we understand conservatism as an approach to politics that seeks first and foremost to maintain existing power structures, then privilege theory is the cultural studies equivalent of phrenology or Austrian economics.

This realization poses a second, much darker question: how did a concept as regressive and unhelpful as privilege become the foundational worldview among people who style themselves as progressives, people whose basic self-understanding is grounded in a belief that they are working to address injustice? Let’s dig into this:

First, let’s go down a well-worn path and establish the worthlessness of privilege as an analytical lens. We’ll start with two basic observations: 1) on the whole, white people have an easier time existing within these United States than non-white people, and 2) systemic racism exists, at least to the extent that non-white people face hurdles that make it harder for them to achieve safety and material success.

I think a large majority of Americans would agree with both of these statements--somewhere in the ballpark of 80%, including many people you and I would agree are straight-up racists. They are obvious and undeniable, the equivalent to saying “politicians are corrupt” or “good things are good and bad things are bad.” Nothing about them is difficult or groundbreaking.

As simplistic as these statements may be, privilege theory attempts to make them the primary foreground of all understandings of social systems and human interaction. Hence the focus on an acknowledgement of privilege as the ends and means of social justice. We must keep admitting to privilege, keep announcing our awareness, again and again and again, vigilance is everything, there is nothing beyond awareness.

Of course, acknowledging the existence of inequities does nothing to actually address those inequities. Awareness can serve as an important (though not necessarily indispensable) precondition for change, but does not lead to change in and of itself.

I’ve been saying this for years but the point still stands: those who advocate for privilege theory almost never articulate how awareness by itself will bring about change. Even in the most generous hypothetical situation, where all human interaction is prefaced by a formal enunciation of the raced-based power dynamics presently at play, this acknowledgement doesn’t actually change anything. There is never a Step Two.

Now, some people have suggested Step Twos. But suggestions are usually ignored, and on the rare occasions they are addressed they are dismissed without fail, often on grounds that are incredibly specious and dishonest. To hit upon another well-worn point, let’s look at the presidential campaign of Bernie Sanders. The majority of Sanders’ liberal critics admit that the senator’s record on racial justice is impeccable, and that his platform would have done substantially more to materially address racial inequities than that being proffered by any of his opponents. That’s all agreed upon, yet we are told that none of that actually matters.

Sanders dropped out of the race nearly 3 months ago, yet just this past week The New York Times published yet another hit piece explaining that while his policies would have benefitted black people, the fact that he strayed from arbitrarily invoked rhetorical standards meant he was just too problematic to support.

The piece was written by Sidney Ember, a Wall Street hack who cites anonymous finance and health insurance lobbyists to argue that financial regulation is racist. Ember, like most other neoliberals, has been struggling to reconcile her vague support for recent protests with the fact that she is paid to lie about people who have tried to fix things. Now that people are forcefully demanding change, the Times have re-deployed her to explain why change is actually bad even though it’s good.

How does one pivot from celebrating the fact that black people will not be receiving universal healthcare to mourning racially disproportionate COVID death rates? They equivocate. They lean even harder on rhetorical purity, dismissing a focus on policy as a priori blind to race. Bernie never said “white privilege.” Well, okay, he did, but he didn’t say it in the right tone or often enough, and that’s what the problem was. Citing Ember:

Yet amid a national movement for racial justice that took hold after high-profile killings of black men and women, there is also an acknowledgment among some progressives that their discussion of racism, including from their standard-bearer, did not seem to meet or anticipate the forcefulness of these protests.

Kimberlé Crenshaw, the legal scholar who pioneered the concept of intersectionality to describe how various forms of discrimination can overlap, said that Mr. Sanders struggled with the reality that talking forcefully about racial injustice has traditionally alienated white voters — especially the working-class white voters he was aiming to win over. But that is where thinking of class as a “colorblind experience” limits white progressives. “Class cannot help you see the specific contours of race disparity,” she said.

Many other institutions, she noted, have now gone further faster than the party that is the political base of most African-American voters. “You basically have a moment where every corporation worth its salt is saying something about structural racism and anti-blackness, and that stuff is even outdistancing what candidates in the Democratic Party were actually saying,” she said.

Crenshaw’s point here is that the empty, utterly immaterial statements of support coming from multinational corporations are more substantial and important than policy proposals that would have actually addressed racial inequities. This is astounding. A full throated embrace of entropy as praxis.

Crenshaw started out the primary as a Warren supporter but threw her endorsement to Bernie once the race had narrowed to two viable candidates. This fact is not mentioned, nor does Ember feel the need to touch upon any of Biden’s dozens of rhetorical missteps regarding race (you might remember that he kicked off his presidential run with a rambling story about the time he toughed it out with a black ne'er do well named Corn Pop, or his more recent assertion that if you don’t vote for him, “you ain’t black.”). The statement here--not the implication: the direct and undeniable statement--is that tone and posturing are more important than material proposals, and that concerns regarding tone and posturing should only be raised in order to delegitimize those who have dared to proffer proposals that might actually change things for the better.

The ascendence of privilege theory marks the triumph of selective indignation, the ruling class and their media lackeys having been granted the power to dismiss any and all proposals for material change according to standards that are too nonsensical to be enforced in any fair or consistent manner. The concept has immense utility for those who wish to perpetuate the status quo. And that, more than anything, is why it’s gotten so successful so quickly. But still… why have people fallen for something so obviously craven and regressive? Why are so few decent people able to summon even the smallest critique against it?

We can answer this by taking a clear look at what privilege actually entails. And this is where things get really, really grim:

What are the material effects of privilege, at least as they are imagined by those who believe the concept to be something that must be sussed out and eradicated? A privileged person gets to live their life with the expectation that they will face no undue hurdles to success and fulfillment because of their identity markers, that they will not be subject to constant surveillance and/or made to suffer grave consequences for minor or arbitrary offenses, and that police will not be able to murder them at will. The effects of “privilege” are what we might have once called “freedom” or “dignity.” Until very recently, progressives regarded these effects not as problematic, but as a humane baseline, a standard that all decent people should fight to provide to all of our fellow citizens.

Here we find the utility in the use of the specific term “privilege.” Similar to how austerity-minded politicians refer to social security as an “entitlement,” conflating dignity and privilege gives it the sense of something undeserved and unearned--things that no one, let alone members of racially advantaged groups, could expect for themselves unless they were blinded by selfishness and coddled by an insufficiently cruel social structure. The problem isn’t therefore that humans are being selectively brutalized. Brutality is the baseline, the natural order, the unavoidable constant that has not been engineered into our society but simply is what society is and will always be. The problem, instead, is that some people are being exempted from some forms of brutalization. The problem is that pain does not stretch far enough.

We are a nation that worships cruelty and authority. All Americans, regardless of gender or race, are united in being litigious tattletales who take joy in hurting one another, who will never run out of ways to rationalize their own cruelty even as they decry the cruelty of others. We are taught from birth that human life has no value, that material success is morally self-validating, and that those who suffer deserve to suffer. This is our real cultural brokenness: a deep, foundational hatred of one another and of ourselves. It transcends all identity markers. It stains us all. And it’s why we’ve all run headlong into a regressive and idiotic understanding of race at a time when we desperately need to unite and help one another.

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babysizedfics · 4 years

Text

Little Accidents, Big Developments

Chapter 2: Nighttime Confessions

[This is an age regression story]

Chapter Summary:

Roman doesn’t like bedtime, Patton and Logan discuss affection, and Virgil wakes up in the middle of the night.

Chapter word count: 5,500

Other chapters: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / bonus

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

oOo

The door to Logan’s room felt unreasonably heavy as he pushed it open with a tired sigh. He did not bother closing it behind him, instead letting it fall shut on its own in favour of immediately flopping face-first onto his bed. The door slammed shut a little harder than he would’ve liked and he winced into his pillow. Hopefully, the sound hadn’t been loud enough to reach either Roman or Virgil’s bedrooms.

Tonight both boys had been little right up until bedtime and so required both Patton and Logan’s help in getting prepared for bed. As was expected given Virgil’s clear preference for the paternal side, Patton had taken charge of his bedtime which meant Logan was left to handle Roman’s bedtime.

Hence Logan’s current exhaustion.

It had taken a great deal of effort to even convince Roman to change into his pyjamas, let alone to stop bouncing around as he rambled about a new idea he had for a game. Logan, of course, commended his creativity, though reminded him that they would have to wait until the following day to put it into practice.

Roman had not appreciated that. He wanted to play with Virgil at that very moment and was quite disheartened to hear that it was Virgil’s bedtime and his baby brother would be too tired to play with him. Learning that it was also his bedtime had been far more cause for concern for Roman. It had taken a multitude of bargaining on Logan’s part to get Roman to agree to get into bed. Even then, it still took some coercion to get him to stop complaining and at least try to go to sleep.

Bedtime had been at 10 pm. It was now coming up to 10:45 and Logan had only just been able to leave Roman, who was finally (thankfully) drifting off in his bed.

Logan flipped over on his mattress, mentally preparing himself to get up again and get ready for bed himself. Though an energetic knocking sounded at his door before he had the chance.

He lugged himself up from his bed and over to the door, rubbing at his face wearily.

‘Roman,’ Logan sighed as he opened the door, ‘if that’s you I don’t want to hear any more whining.’

Patton stood in his doorway smiling from ear to ear.

‘Patton,’ Logan greeted, sure that his relief was quite obvious in the way his shoulders sagged. ‘Is everything alright?’

‘Yes, gosh, everything's amazing!’ Patton near-squealed and Logan hurriedly beckoned him into his room. Patton seemed dangerously close to yelling and Logan did not want Roman hearing it and then getting excited himself.

‘What has caused you such great elation at this late hour?’ Logan asked, feeling himself smile at the pure joy on Patton’s face.

‘You should’ve seen how cute Virgil was!’ Patton immediately gushed, and Logan was glad he had managed to close the door behind them quickly. ‘Oh my goodness, Lo. He was so sleepy and adorable! At first, he was nervous about being left alone, but then I switched on that star nightlight you got him and his face just lit up.’

‘Was that a pun?’ Logan narrowed his eyes.

‘I don’t even know anymore!’ Patton cried giddily, his eyes sparkling with happy tears.

Logan chuckled and leaned his back against the wall, sure that Patton was nowhere near finished.

‘Gosh, he was so happy,’ Patton said and started pacing quickly around Logan’s room, dispelling his excited energy. ‘Then I just sat by his bed for like twenty minutes stroking his hair and he was so calm then - oh my gosh - then he reached up and held my finger, Lo!’ Patton held up his finger in demonstration, his eyes wide with awe. ‘His whole hand wrapped around my finger, how friggin’ cute is that? Then he told me he loved me and he just fell straight asleep! Ahh, it was so adorable!’

By the end of his monologue, Patton’s voice had become so strangled and high-pitched that it was barely recognisable.

‘That does sound charming,’ Logan agreed, and couldn’t help but feel slightly jealous.

He was not in any way disappointed that he had taken care of Roman rather than Virgil. He was equally fond of both of them even if Roman did require much more energy to look after. Though Logan wished that Virgil would feel comfortable enough with him that Logan might experience something similar to what Patton had just described.

‘It sounds like a positive bonding experience,’ Logan smiled stiffly.

Patton’s grin faltered. After taking a deep breath, presumably to calm himself from his excitement, he moved to settle beside Logan against the wall.

‘So… How was Roman?’ Patton asked.

From his careful tone, he apparently knew it would not have been such a simple experience getting the older little to go to bed.

‘Next time we’re switching,’ Logan said simply.

‘That bad, huh?’ Patton still smiled, though it was twisted by sympathy.

‘I… wouldn’t say bad, necessarily,’ Logan said. As much as Roman’s protests exhausted him, there was something in the whole routine that had brought Logan some comfort despite the stress. ‘Though it was foolish of me to believe that Roman could not possibly get more petulant.’

‘Poor little guy,’ Patton pouted, then looked to their feet in thought. ‘Do you maybe think his bedtime should -’

‘No,’ Logan interrupted. ‘We are not delaying his bedtime.’

‘But if he was so upset about it…’ Patton said.

‘It was a reflexive response more than anything,’ Logan replied. ‘I think he just wanted an excuse to act childish. Besides, as soon as I read him a story he went straight to bed. He was clearly just reluctant to admit that he really was tired.’

‘Aww, you read him a story?’ Patton asked in delight. ‘That’s so cute!’

‘It was a purely tactical approach,’ Logan said hastily. ‘Being read to in a quiet, soothing tone can trigger an autonomous sensory meridian response in the listener’s brain. It is a widely used technique to effect deep relaxation in both children and adults alike.’

‘Mhm, of course. Purely tactical,’ Patton agreed, though he did not sound convinced.

Logan’ gaze snapped onto Patton to find a knowing smirk being directed towards him.

‘Did you do funny voices?’ The mischievous lilt to Patton’s tone was hypnotising, and Logan could not resist his imploring gaze for long.

‘Maybe,’ Logan finally admitted.

It was impossible to keep a straight face when Patton burst into giggles like that.

‘Y’know, you don’t need to do that,’ Patton said after he had collected himself.

‘Do what?’

‘Pretend you don’t enjoy being Mama Logan,’ Patton said. His hand rested on Logan’s arm gently. ‘I know you love looking after the boys.’

Logan couldn’t deny it. Though even if he wanted to, the tingling warmth spreading from where Patton’s fingers touched him had rendered him momentarily speechless.

‘And the boys love having you as a Mama,’ Patton added.

‘Well, let’s not assume,’ Logan murmured. The grip on his arm tightened.

‘Logan.’ Patton’s voice was hushed and strained. ‘I’m not assuming anything. I know that they love having you as a caregiver.’

‘How do you know?’ Logan asked. The clear desperation in his voice made him squirm.

Patton’s gaze softened.

‘Well, in lots of ways,’ he said. ‘Just earlier, Roman couldn’t stop talking about playing Doctor Who with you yesterday.’

‘Yes, he was rather impressed by my Dalek impression,’ Logan nodded.

‘He didn’t talk about your impressions, silly,’ Patton chuckled, though Logan could not find it in himself to feel offended. ‘He talked about you. About how much fun it was to run around with you and spend the day laughing together.’

‘Oh,’ Logan breathed, feeling his heart swell.

‘And I guess Virgil might be a bit of a Papa’s boy -’

Logan raised his eyebrows.

‘Alright, he definitely is,’ Patton corrected, ‘but I’ve seen the way he cuddles up to you when I’m not there.’

Logan wanted to accept it, he really did. But he could not ignore all of the facts.

‘As you have just stated, that is only when you are unavailable,’ Logan said quietly. ‘I fear - I suspect that I am a mere substitute for his one true caregiver.’

‘Sorry, Logan, but you’re wrong this time,’ Patton said easily. ‘Do you know why Virgil felt so much better when I switched on his nightlight earlier?’

‘Because he is scared of the dark,’ Logan said. ‘They both are. Though I believe Roman’s fear is bordering on nyctophobia.’

‘No - well, yes,’ Patton conceded. ‘But Virgil’s salt lamp was already on.’

Logan frowned, perplexed.

‘Why would the nightlight make him feel better if it was not to counteract a dark room?’

‘Because it’s from you,’ Patton whispered and nudged his side gently. ‘The nightlight made him happy because it reminded him of his mama.’

Logan could not respond as his throat felt too tight all of a sudden. A smile tugged at his lips.

‘I know you don’t think so, but caregiving comes just as naturally to you as it does to me,’ Patton said. He leaned against Logan’s side slightly and Logan’s breath stalled in his chest. ‘Sure, we’re very different caregivers; you make sure they behave with rules and I probably spoil them with too many sweets. But just because I’m more cuddly than you doesn’t mean I’m a better dad.’

‘Thank you,’ Logan whispered, breathing deeply for the first time since the conversation had started.

‘Besides,’ Patton added cheerily, ‘you’ve been getting a lot better at showing affection with them.’ He paused, and Logan almost though he had finished speaking, but then Patton added in a more stunted tone: ‘And…’

‘And?’ Logan prompted, unable to tear his gaze away from how Patton chewed at his bottom lip.

‘With me,’ Patton whispered and met Logan’s eyes earnestly.

The hand which had been resting on his arm all of this time snaked down to wrap around Logan’s wrist lightly.

Pleasant shivers coursed through Logan’s veins at the contact and left him stunned. Patton’s fingers had been resting casually on his arm for most of the conversation, but this touch felt different somehow. The intent behind it was suddenly impossible to ignore.

‘Oh, shoot,’ Patton breathed, his eyes falling to the ground quickly, ‘I read this wrong, didn’t I?’

Logan floundered over silent words that would not leave his lips. Patton’s hand hastily snatched off of his wrist.

‘I’m sorry, I - don’t mind me,’ Patton chuckled, though it was shaky and forced. ‘I’m just being silly. I’ll leave, don’t worry about it.’

He had pushed away from the wall but did not get far as Logan hurriedly reached out to grab Patton’s hand. Their fingers intertwined on instinct. Logan’s cheeks heated exponentially.

‘Patton…’ he started but no matter how much he tried, he could not force his mouth to form any more words.

He realised that, for once, language could not effectively express all that he wanted to say. It was terrifying. But as he had taught Roman, sometimes it was more effective to show rather than tell.

He hesitantly moved forward, glad that Patton did not step away. It did not take much movement for Logan to be stood directly in front of him, certainly violating his personal space. Silence settled in the few centimetres between their faces. Logan thought he might be suffering from heatstroke. His palms were sweaty, his face burning and his head swimming as he impulsively closed the gap between their lips.

The kiss was achingly short. Patton’s lips barely ghosted over Logan’s own before the logical side was hit full-force with the realisation of what he had just done. He snapped his head back with wide eyes.

‘I apologise, I should not have done that,’ Logan blurted, feeling as though his tongue was inexplicably too large for his mouth. ‘I have no idea what came over me to think I could kiss you without asking for your -’

‘Logan?’ Patton’s free hand came up to cup his jaw and Logan’s mouth snapped shut.

‘Hm?’ he hummed.

‘Shut up,’ Patton whispered fondly.

Logan only had a brief second to see the spark of determination in his brown eyes before Patton pushed up and kissed him again.

Their lips slotted together so effortlessly, Logan thought they might have been made for each other. He breathed out through his nose, the warm air bouncing straight off of Patton’s skin and back onto his own. The heat was unbearable matched with the burning of his cheeks, but he could not consider pulling back. Patton’s lips were soft and slid against his own in such a mesmerizing dance.

A low sigh of content sounded in his throat and a muffled hum of agreement came from Patton in response. Logan could not contain a wide smile, and when Patton accidentally ended up kissing his front teeth they both broke down into breathy giggles.

Reluctantly, Logan pulled away from him by a few inches so that they did not accidentally butt heads in their laughter. Patton’s hand fell to his shoulder and Logan responded by curling his own fingers around the nape of Patton’s neck. Through his fingertips, he could feel the shiver that coursed through Patton’s body.

‘That was,’ Logan paused to gasp an inhale, surprised by how breathless he was, ‘highly satisfactory.’

‘I’ll say,’ Patton agreed fervently. ‘I wasn’t sure you felt the same way.’

‘I am not certain of what “way” you mean,’ Logan said cautiously. He, of course, had his theory but he did not want to risk being wrong about something so significant. ‘Your phrasing was rather ambiguous.’

‘Whoops, I guess my brain’s just a bit frog -gy from the kiss,’ Patton said giddily, eyes brightening in the way they always did when he wanted to laugh at his own joke.

‘Ambiguous, not amphibious,’ Logan corrected, though he was somewhat glad for the Patton’s relapse into dad jokes. It was familiar and comforting and dispelled Logan’s anxieties about making an incorrect assumption. ‘I will hazard a guess at what you meant and be blunt: I harbour a romantic attraction towards you, Patton.’

‘Oh, thank goodness!’ Patton’s breath rushed from him.

‘I take it my assumption was correct,’ Logan smirked, but it was quickly swallowed by Patton’s lips.

They kissed for a long time after that. Logan’s legs grew numb, but neither of them made a move to sit down or change position. They barely allowed themselves to stop for breath, let alone something so unimportant as moving. The only matter of importance to Logan right now was kissing Patton.

Eventually, they slowed, pecking each other wherever they could reach between hushed words.

‘Did you notice Roman playing cupid?’ Patton asked against Logan’s cheek.

‘How could I not?’ Logan huffed in amusement. He kissed Patton’s eyebrow. ‘He wasn’t very subtle when his reason for braiding my hair was, and I quote, “to make you extra pretty so Dad will swoon and fall into your arms”.’ Patton snorted, interrupting the kiss he was pressing to Logan’s jaw. ‘I almost wanted to put him in timeout,’ Logan admitted.

‘Almost?’ Patton asked.

‘Well,’ Logan pulled back and looked at Patton with a smile curling one side of his lips, ‘his plan did work.’

‘Oh, I swooned for you long before that,’ Patton shook his head fondly and pushed a strand of Logan’s hair behind his ear. ‘I’m pretty sure Roman knew that already, though.’

‘He is frustratingly observant when it comes to romance,’ Logan said, stroking his thumb over Patton’s cheekbone.

‘Aw, he’s just passionate,’ Patton defended, then twisted his head to peck Logan’s wrist.

‘Even so,’ Logan sighed, feeling a pit in his stomach, ‘I dread the bombardment of invasive questions and interventions he would bestow upon us if he knew what we’ve been doing for the past -’ he checked his watch ‘- twenty-five minutes. Wow.’

He leaned forward to kiss Patton’s nose but Patton curled back as if burned.

‘You don’t want anyone to know, do you?’ Patton asked, and the hurt in his tone was unbearable.

‘That is not what I meant,’ Logan quickly corrected. He gently carded his fingers through Patton’s hair as the moral side often did with Virgil and Roman. ‘Please know, it is not that I wish to hide my romantic feelings for you. I’ve hidden them for months and quite frankly I am tired of it.’

‘Months?’ Patton smiled.

‘Of course,’ Logan said softly. ‘And while this is a welcome development, it is also a significant one that will have a profound impact on the whole household.’ Patton started nodding. ‘Roman will be rather intense in his support, possibly to a fault. As for Virgil -’

‘Virgil doesn’t like change,’ Patton finished, sounding resigned. ‘No, I get it. I don’t want to upset anyone.’

Logan pulled Patton’s hand up to his lips and kissed each one of his knuckles tenderly. Patton's breath shallowed.

‘I am certain they will be supportive when we do decide to tell them, but for now,’ Logan sighed gently and lowered Patton’s hand, ‘I believe it will be beneficial to our family dynamic if we maintain subtlety.’

‘It’s no problem, Lo,’ Patton shrugged with a smile. ‘I can be subtle, easy peasy mac and cheesy!’

Logan felt a little put out by how easily Patton had said that.

‘Well,’ he straightened his posture and focussed on not letting his disappointment leak into his tone. ‘Don’t sound so sure. It may be harder than it sounds.’

‘Nah,’ Patton said flippantly and Logan saw a cheeky smile pull at his lips. ‘You’re not that irresistible.’

Logan’s mouth dropped open in offence and Patton started giggling under his breath.

So Logan swiftly ducked to Patton’s lips with the intention of proving him wrong.

oOo

Virgil gasped, his upper body flying up from the mattress. His breath came in short pants as he reached out in panic and grasped onto the first thing he could find. He frantically ran his trembling fingers over the object. Soft. Fluffy. Real.

He clutched Minty to his chest tightly and a shaky exhale rushed from him. He was in his bed, in his room. He wasn’t hurt, no one was hurt. He was safe.

His heart still pounded against his ribs and his head swam from the violent awakening, but he knew it would get better soon and he would be able to go back to sleep. Then he shifted on the mattress and froze.

‘No, no, no, no,’ he whispered in anguish as his stomach sank.

He hid his face against his toy. He didn’t need to be able to see to know that his pyjama pants and sheets were soaked through. He gritted his teeth against a wince at the familiar feeling of wet cotton clinging to his skin.

It never got any less upsetting when he wet the bed. He knew how to cope with it, of course. It happened often enough that he had a tried and tested routine that meant none of the light sides had ever discovered his embarrassing problem. He was at least relieved that he had thought to invest in an absorbent mattress protector when he first moved in. It saved him a lot of trouble. Though it didn’t exactly make this habit any less humiliating to deal with.

Virgil usually jumped straight into action when he woke up to wet sheets, working on autopilot to clean up quickly and quietly. But at that moment he felt stuck. His legs were locked in place and his lip began wobbling.

‘Papa,’ he heard himself whimper.

It was unexpectedly high-pitched and shaky and it jolted Virgil out of his haze.

He tensed and growled in frustration. What was he doing?

The hand that wasn't cradling Minty wrapped in his hair and pulled harshly at the locks. He didn’t need his papa, he had always dealt with this on his own. It was bad enough Patton had seen Virgil wet himself in the hallway 3 days previously, he didn’t need to see this too!

Virgil eased the tugging on his hair and instead started stroking it absently. But when he had an accident last time he got lots of cuddles and kisses and it made it less scary. And the next day Papa said Virgil needed to go and get him if it happened again. Virgil didn’t want to be a bad baby.

He felt his eyes burn with tears at the thought of dealing with his wet sheets all on his own, not getting any cuddles, and being told off for it.

No, that wouldn’t happen! Virgil shook his head quickly, trying to make himself a grown-up. Why was he even debating the situation? He didn’t want anyone to know that he wet the bed, that was all there was to it. He wouldn’t get told off for not going to get his papa's help if Patton never even found out about this.

With Minty still cuddled tightly to his chest, Virgil threw the covers off and stood on shaky legs. He looked down to the sheets. The sight of the wet patch sucked all determination from his body and he started trembling uncontrollably.

He didn’t know what to do! The bed was soaked, his pants were soggy and cold, his skin was getting itchy, and there was a big, achey lump in his throat.

He sniffled and brought his thumb up to his lips. He felt yucky. With a gasp, he remembered Papa was sitting next to his bed when Virgil went to sleep. He quickly looked over but the spot was empty now. He turned in a big circle. He couldn’t see Papa anywhere in the room!

A whimper came from his throat and he hugged Minty tighter. The bright stars on the walls and ceiling made it a little bit less scary, but he still wanted his papa.

The yellow hallway light shone through the crack under his door and Virgil realised what he needed to do. He needed to go and find Papa all on his own.

He walked over to the door and opened it carefully, peeking out just in case Papa was waiting outside and wanted to surprise him.

The hallway was empty. He took a really deep breath. Monsters only lived in the dark so he shouldn’t be scared of the brightly lit corridor. He jumped out from his room and ran across the hall really, really quick.

He got to Papa’s door and knocked on it. Hopefully, he came straight out and hugged Virgil! He didn’t like standing on his own ever, but especially not in wet pants. They made him feel small and scared.

Papa didn’t come to the door and Virgil felt a sharp stab in his chest.

He knocked again, a lot louder.

When there was no response Virgil felt some invisible force weigh down his mind so that he felt much more present in his body. Patton was an incredibly light sleeper, the slightest gust of wind would wake him up. Something wasn’t right.

Virgil quickly pushed the door open and flicked the light on. His eyes searched the couch and bed frantically, finding no sign of Patton. Then with a gulp, he dropped his gaze to scout for any lifeless heaps on the floor. Nothing. Images of Patton having hurt himself or worse during the night quickly dissipated from Virgil’s mind and he sighed in relief.

Then suddenly his head felt floaty like before, but there was a sinking feeling in his stomach this time. His adult ease was quickly replaced by childish desperation.

‘Papa,’ he whined to nobody.

Tears finally fell to his cheeks and he started sucking on his thumb. There were pacis in Minty’s secret pocket but he didn’t want to drop them everywhere because he was so shaky. Mama always wanted him to use pacis instead of his thumb, though.

He gasped around his thumb and turned to run out of the room. Mama could help find Papa!

He hurried to Mama’s room as quickly as he could and reluctantly took his thumb out of his mouth to knock on the door. He wanted to suck on it again but didn’t want Mama to tell him it was bad so he hugged Minty with both hands instead.

There were lots of shuffling sounds behind the door. For a bit, Virgil thought Mama wasn’t going to open it. Did he want Virgil to go away? He pouted at the thought but then the door was open and Mama was looking down at him with his eyebrows pushed together. His cheeks were pink.

‘Virgil, it’s past midnight,’ Mama said. ‘What are you doing up?’

Virgil didn’t know what to say and bit his lip. Was Mama mad at him? He looked at the ground. He didn’t want to see Mama if he looked angry.

‘Are you alright?’ Mama asked, and this time it sounded a lot softer.

He put his hand on Virgil’s shoulder. It was heavy and made breathing a bit easier.

Virgil looked up again and Mama didn’t look angry at all, so Virgil wasn’t so scared to respond.

‘Papa wasn’t there,’ Virgil whispered.

‘Why do you need -’ Mama started asking but then his eyes went down and his face changed.

Virgil realised he was looking at his wet pants and he quickly dropped his hands to hold Minty in front of himself. He didn’t like it when people looked at his accidents, it gave him so many butterflies that his tummy hurt.

‘It’s alright, little one,’ Mama said.

Then there was a weird squeaky noise from his bedroom but Virgil didn’t know what it was. The words Mama said put a fuzzy feeling in Virgil’s chest that made him feel less scared, but it also made him cry more. It was weird.

‘Did you try to find Papa after you had an accident?’ Mama leaned down to look in his eyes.

‘N-not in his room,’ Virgil whimpered and tugged on Minty’s tail with the memory.

‘Uh, well,’ Mama said quietly. He sounded a bit scared too, but not really the same kind of scared. ‘Maybe he is just… on a little trip?’

Lots of scary pictures of Papa never ever coming back played in Virgil’s head. His heart jumped really hard and hot tears filled up his eyes.

‘I wan Papa,’ Virgil whined. His chest got tight and then a sob hurt his throat. ‘Papa.’

There was a loud crash behind Mama and Virgil jumped. He saw Mama's closet door had burst open and then someone scrambled out from the shirts.

‘I’m here, baby!’ Papa yelled and jogged over to him.

‘So much for subtlety,’ Mama said really quietly.

Virgil didn’t know why Papa was in Mama’s closet but he didn’t care. Warm arms were hugging him and Virgil sniffled and buried his head in Papa’s shirt. The smell made him feel happy and made his head tingle.

‘It’s okay, sweetheart,’ Papa whispered and patted Virgil’s hair. ‘Papa’s got you.’

Virgil cried and held Papa’s shirt tightly in his fingers. He never wanted Papa to leave again!

‘Why did you say I was on a trip?’ he heard Papa whisper.

‘I panicked,’ Mama whispered back.

Virgil didn’t want Mama to panic. Panic was really scary. He pulled his head back to look at Papa. He wanted to ask if Mama was okay but he didn’t know how to and he pouted. Words were tricky.

‘I’m so proud of you for coming to get Mama when you couldn’t find me, baby,’ Papa said with a smile. ‘Now, sweetheart, can Papa please give you a bath?’

Virgil put his thumb back in his mouth and laid his cheek on Papa’s chest again.

‘It will be nice and relaxing,’ Papa said and his chest rumbled and made Virgil feel sleepy. ‘Then we can get you in some clean pyjamas and then cuddle for as long as you want!’

Virgil sniffled. It might be scary if Papa gave him a bath because he had to be naked, but he didn’t want to do it on his own and his skin was really itchy and burning now. And Papa said they can cuddle after!

‘Yeth peas,’ Virgil mumbled around his thumb.

‘Good boy!’ Papa said and it made Virgil’s tummy feel better.

‘Virgil, did you have an accident while you were awake or did you wet the bed?’ Mama asked.

Virgil felt his cheeks get hot and he hid his face more in Papa’s shirt. He wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about his bedwetting. He just wanted Papa to cuddle him and help make things better, he didn’t want to talk about it!

‘Honey, I need you to be really brave for me,’ Papa kissed his head and it made a happy noise come from Virgil’s throat. ‘Can you please be a good baby and nod for Mama if your bed is wet?’

Virgil didn’t want to nod but he really didn’t want to lie, so he nodded. He didn’t like that it was quiet after he nodded. What if Papa and Mama thought he was bad and they didn’t want to look after him anymore?

He whimpered and hugged Papa tighter.

‘Shh, it’s alright, baby,’ Papa said and stroked his hair. ‘Thank you for telling us.’

‘Mama is going to make your bed for you, Virgil,’ Mama’s voice said right by his ear.

Virgil turned his head a bit on Papa’s chest and opened one eye to see Mama crouching down and looking at him. He didn’t look angry or anything, he looked friendly just like normal. But Virgil still felt a bit shy. He sucked his thumb more.

‘Do you want me to take Minty and tuck them in while you have a bath?’

Virgil looked down at the dino squished between him and Papa and thought for a bit. He kind of wanted to take Minty with him but he didn’t want them getting wet. Plus, if he had Papa with him then he didn’t need Minty to protect him anymore.

He slowly nodded and took his thumb out of his mouth so he could push Minty into Mama’s open hands.

‘Thank you,’ Mama said then stood up tall again. Virgil liked that Mama was really tall. It made him feel safe.

‘So…’ Mama said quietly.

‘Yeah,’ Papa said back.

Virgil was really confused. The grown-ups sometimes spoke in ways he didn’t understand. He didn’t really care though. Minty was held under Mama’s arm like a basketball and it looked funny. Virgil smiled then reached out to poke their nose. Fluffy!

‘Shall we continue our…’ Mama was even quieter now, ‘our discussion later?’

‘Sure, later,’ Papa whispered.

Virgil looked up and saw Papa smiling. He liked it when Papa smiled.

Mama started to walk away but then he stopped and walked back.

‘How could I forget,’ he said then lifted Minty.

It looked like he was tickling them for a bit but then he held something up. A paci!

Virgil lifted his head from Papa’s chest. He really wanted his paci. It was way better than his thumb.

‘Can you tell Mama what colour this is, little one?’ Mama asked nicely. It made Virgil’s head tingle.

The paci was dark and it had little glittery bits that were really pretty.

‘Sparky,’ Virgil said quietly.

Papa squeezed him a bit and made a funny sound.

‘It is sparkly, you’re right,’ Mama said and then he held it up to Virgil’s lips.

Virgil opened his mouth for it. When he felt the chewy smooth bit on his tongue he breathed deep in his nose and closed his eyes. Pacis always felt really nice.

He opened them again to try to say thank you with his eyes but Mama was already walking away.

‘Let’s go run you a warm bath, baby,’ Papa said and pinched Virgil’s cheek. It didn’t hurt, it was really soft and kind of tickly. ‘This is gonna be soap much fun! Are you bubbling over with excitement?’

Papa tapped Virgil’s nose and Virgil giggled and nodded. He wasn’t scared anymore!

oOo

Reblogs and likes are greatly appreciated! ♡

AO3 link | Next chapter

#ts agere #ts agere fic #sanders sides agere #agere virgil #little virgil #cg patton #cg logan #little/big series #little/big series fics #little accidents big developments

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mk-wizard · 4 years

Text

I never said this before because I didn’t know how to explain why, but now that I do, I have to confess the truth. I love Netflix She-Ra and I think it is a work of art, but not only did I feel disappointed by the fifth season, I actually outright hate Adora and Catra becoming a couple. And my reason for hating it is because it’s not healthy to me and gives several bad messages to kids.

Number one, Catra was outright mean to Adora when they were both on the same side let alone after Adora joined the rebellion. Catra would physically hurt her, threaten her, guilt trip her, emotionally abuse her and even act like Adora was her property of which no one was allowed to so much as look at. Even Scorpia who is ten times sweeter and more patient than Adora realised how toxic and abusive Catra was right away hence why she left and not before telling her to her face that she was a bad friend. Catra obviously has issues, went through a lot and was abused unjustly herself, but it doesn’t make how she treats others especially those trying to help her or be kind to her ok. She is essentially an abuser herself and while I am not condoning that we should hate her for it, we need to acknowledge that Adora deserves better romantically or even platonically. I don’t like this message that as long as Catra loves Adora, it’s ok for Adora to keep running back to her. That’s a very dangerous message considering most abusers never change and victims who keep going back to them can (and do) wind up dead.

Number two, Adora didn’t know when to just quit with Catra. Yes, I admit that by season 4, Adora finally let go of her, but she seemed to fall back into the trap of continuing to hold out for her. Romance doesn’t work like a competition or reward that if you keep being nice or there for the person, they’ll eventually love you back and respect you. This is just “nice guy” syndrome in which the nice person believes that if they keep being nice, they are entitled to love after like it’s some kind of heaven they enter for being good. No one is obliged to love you just because you love them and sometimes, they just don’t. Adora hanging onto Catra like that is not even love really when you look at it. It’s obsession. And it also makes me question how much Adora respects and loves herself.

Now, I have nothing but respect for people who still like this couple and were rooting for it. However, these are the reasons I don’t like it and think this kind of romance is in fact regressive romantic storytelling not progressive at all.

Thanks for understanding.

#She-Ra #She Ra #netflix she ra #adora #adora x catra #catra #catradora #she ra catadora #romance #abuse #physical abuse #emotional abuse #unhealthy

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hecohansen31 · 4 years

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Hello love, I’d love to request an escort lady!reader with Alfred modern AU with the prompts 24, 32 and 38, please? That’d be lovely! 💕

WARNINGS: Snotty Families, Escort! Reader, Slut-Shaming, Harsh Words, Unprotected Sex (WRAP IT UP, LOVELIES!), Slight Teasing, Dirty Talk.

Many people judged your choices.

But back then you hadn’t had many, finding yourself barely legal and with an enormous college loan to pay.

And nobody wanted to hire a college student, so you hadn’t found much except part time jobs that wouldn’t pay much and would surely reduce you in a stressed mess.

So, when you had heard of the ‘modelling agency’ a fellow roommate had been working at, you had wanted in, soon discovering that it wasn’t much more a cover for an escort company.

Nothing scandalous enough for Olivia Benson to be called, since you’d be paid simply to appear by the side of wealthy men and women, smiling gently by their arm, as they pretended that you were their latest conquest.

Most of them used you to cover up their true relationships or sexual preferences, and some others used you as a ‘revenge partner’ after they had broken up with ‘the love of their lives’.

It never went further than a simple image coverage, although many had offered you more, and sometimes you had been into it, because you had found them attractive and you felt like you had an itch to scratch-

In the end, it wasn’t anything improper, if you thought that you simply acted a role, as in movies.

Still you hadn’t told anybody of your job on the side.

It had been enough simply telling them that you’d sold a few pictures of yourself to a modelling agency, getting the immediate ‘do you have an Only Fan account?’.

And it had also fucked up your entire dating schedule, since many guys would consider your job cheating and none of them were honestly worthy quitting, mostly when you were so close to solving your student loan.

So, the small event you were supposed to attend on Saturday was the last job you’d ever take, glad to finally have lifted off the debt from your shoulder and more than glad to be able to drop this job for a bit.

It might have seemed all glamorous and cool, but it was emotionally and physically draining.

It wasn’t simply getting on with the clients and acting perfectly, but you’d have to make sure to check up with every client, what kind of services they wanted.

Hence that was what you were doing Thursday night, as you picked up your phone, calling your future client.

He hadn’t said much to the agency: he wanted the best one on the market, somebody who was discreet and definitely not tacky.

Somebody who could easily pass as his girlfriend at a family party.

The agency had suggested you, not because you were the ‘best-seller’ but instead of the other girls you had a relatively more low-profile, hence you were suggested in cases of faking a ‘more genuine relationship’.

You still called him in order to check what he truly wanted you to be on Saturday, as you reread the profile form he had left at the agency.

His name was Alfred and although he had taken the family business after his grandfather, he had said he still enjoyed music and played it regularly, although he didn’t publish it, which hinted you that he was a rather shy and meek soul.

It was confirmed by the soft voice that answered the phone.

“Hello?”.

“I am (Y/N)” you presented yourself, trying to be more direct than you could be, since many clients were pretty busy and preferred if you went through your work with your mouth closed “… the girl from the ag…”.

“Oh yeah yeah” his voice was so flushed that you could already see the color of his cheeks, as you pictured the photo you had been given, softly blushing.

He had a softness to his appearance that made him delightfully adorable, and you wondered whether he simply wasn’t interested in girls or all the girls in your generation were blind, for him not to have a ‘girlfriend’ yet.

“… is there anything wrong?” his tone questioned, and from the background rumors, you could hear that he was fidgeting with his hands and decided to put him out of his misery.

“No, don’t worry, Mr. York” you replied, but you were immediately interrupted by him.

“I’d prefer it if you called me simply Alfred” he mumbled, and then he proceeded to explain rushing through the words, as if he thought he had offended you “… I just… I think it’d be more fitting”.

“I am paid to follow every desire of yours, Alfie” you teased him, making your voice lightly sultry as you heard him take a sharp intake at your nickname “… but as I was saying… I am only contacting you to ask if you wanted to program better Saturday’s event”.

“What do you mean?” he asked, as he gulped down loudly, and you couldn’t help but imagine yourself lightly trailing kisses down his Adam’s apple.

“I mean… would you prefer to be casual acquaintances? Or would you prefer to set up a story to follow in order to seem properly engaged?”.

More easily, did he need you for coverage? Or did he need you to convince somebody?

“The second”.

You grinned at his tone, as you softly licked your lips, and were unable to stop yourself from thinking about how sweet he’d have tasted.

From the photo his lips definitely look deliciously soft.

But you had to stay professional.

“Then, Alfie…” you dragged out softly the nickname “… tell me all about yourself”.

You had been extremely surprised when Alfred had told you, he’d be picking you up, on Saturday morning.

It was against the rules, since you were supposed to avoid approaching your client in a closed space or alone, for your own security, but you had doublechecked Alfred York, and the worst sin he had committed so far, was that moustache he wore and the fact that he had cut his long hair.

Gosh, wouldn’t it have been a luxurious experience to pass your hand through them…

Again professionalism wasn’t something you could simply forget, mostly if you thought about how shy Alfred had sounded over the phone, although you had seen many videos and interviews of him, where his shyness completely regressed, making him a strong and powerful man.

You had been ready half an hour before the appropriate picking-up hour, because if there was something else that you had gathered from your phone calls and Alfred’s behavior, was that he certainly didn’t appreciate lateness or imprecision.

And you were known for making your clients happy and satisfied.

He had arrived also early, excusing himself with you for the nervousness and you had quickly met him in his car, because although Alfred didn’t seem a creep, you still wanted to avoid a client knowing where you lived, so you had given him appointment at a small private parking lot.

Not secluded enough, because as you lightly knocked on the expensive car, Alfred almost banged his head against the steering wheel for the surprise, making you giggle, as he immediately got out of the car, to open your own door, as he greeted you stiffly.

And there he took a quick look at you.

He certainly hadn’t expected an escort to look that good.

You could tell it by his face.

You had chosen a simple assemble, since Alfred had informed it’d be a family gathering mostly, informal, but yet ‘rich informal’.

Hence you had worn an oversized coat, with a vintage look to it, whose light color matched the dusty pink dress you had rented, solely for this event, matched with some glorious high heels that were already making you swaddle, but you had stuffed in your care bag a pair of more comfortable shoes.

You usually took a care pack wherever you went, with a change of clothes, comfortable shoes, and panties.

Because that day you weren’t wearing any, due to the tightness of the dress.

You enjoyed the look he regarded you with, a genuine fascination with you, before he lowered softly his eyes, a light blush on your cheeks.

“… glad you liked it Alfie” you mumbled softly, as you slipped inside his car, thanking him with a soft smile, deciding to spare the poor boy, who looked close to overheating.

“I am sorry, for… ahem… I just…” he stammered, evidently at unease.

And if you were good at one thing, it was making your clients feel at ease.

“Don’t worry” you calmly replied “Thank you for picking me up actually, I really appreciate it”.

It definitely seemed to ease Alfred, who finally raised his eyes to meet yours, and you couldn’t help but be fascinated by the light orbs that had the same shade of the clear sky of that day.

“... thank you for doing this” he said, as he gently offered you an hand, and you were surprised by it, but gently clutched his hand, more than happy to adjust yourself in the comfortable seat of the car.

Usually clients weren’t so respectful, treating you as nothing more than ‘a dress to show off’, so you were honestly surprised by his gentleness.

But welcomed it.

He seemed the pristine and proper boy, who got a lot of repressed issues, from what you had been able to gather.

So, if he wanted to act like a gentleman, you wouldn’t have gone against it.

“Anything for you, Alfie” you smiled, as you tried not to think about the fact that you were doing this mostly because you were paid.

Another thing not to do with a client was talking about money.

“I thought we could go through our ‘plan’ “ he asked softly, and you could see that he wasn’t solely shy, but also nervous and this time it was you who reached out for his hand, as he sat down beside you, and you were more than happy to feel again those blue eyes on you “… if you obviously…”.

“We have met a month ago, that is why we have been very private” you recited the part you were supposed to play, surprising Alfred and you smirked at him, gently gripping his hand to bring his attention to your words “… I work at a local newspaper and you were profoundly surprised by an article of mine, and I was profoundly charmed by your looks…”.

“We didn’t talk about this” he mumbled, as your other hand lightly went to his tie, adjusting it and you took in the elegant Tom Ford’s suit, bringing out his elegant image.

“Well… you are quite charming, Alfie” you teased him, as you lightly pulled on his tie, making him face you, as he raised his shy eyes “… and you have asked me to come to meet your family, to try the step further, because we are very much in love, and don’t think that we are rushing in anything”.

“That’s… Gosh… that’s amazing” he commented, sincerely and you couldn’t deny that his genuine charm made you hot and bothered.

“Well the agency didn’t promise you anything less than the best” you replied, winking lightly and this time you didn’t catch solely shyness in his eyes, but also uneasiness, and noted to avoid talking of your true profession.

“… your favorite color is red and you like sunflowers” he commented, after he had calmed himself and you couldn’t help but be surprised that he remembered, since usually clients, even the most respectful like him, didn’t seem interested into getting to know you “… and you are still studying but you have an internship at the newspaper”.

And yeah, then you were brought back to your work.

“Perfect” you mumbled softly, trying not to let your disappointment be heard.

“Are you ready, then?” you were grateful that he asked, and nodded softly, as you moved to use the belt, adjusting it around your body.

“As ready as I’ll ever be”.

You had had many rich clients, but you still weren’t used to the opulence of their homes.

Dresses and cars were something that could be rented, alongside pretty girls for their arms.

But homes… they were less difficult to fake or to rent, even more when Alfred moved through it completely at ease, parking the expensive car, beside a line of vintage cars you couldn’t help but appreciate.

Again he came to you to help you out, mindful of your high heels, as he gently got your bag for you, so that you could adjust yourself on your feet, as he tried not to look at you, but you soon brought him to gently do it, again pulling on his tie.

Getting him much closer than he was used to, because he became tomato red, all over his face and he tried to push himself away, but your grip tightened.

“Remember… we are madly in love” you uttered, releasing your grip, and he seemed to understand it, keeping his eyes on you and you were the one who was hit by the intensity of it, eventually faking to fasten a strap of your high heeled shoes.

As you got out of the car, finding yourself in a driveaway as big as a park, Alfred gently grabbed your hand, although he sent you a soft look to see whether he could or not.

You’d have to certainly compliment his mother on his impeccable manners.

Judith, his mother, was one of the main reasons why he had chosen to confront an agency, he had informed you over the phone a few days before.

She continued on trying to match him up with the daughters of her friends, but every time he’d try to have a relationship outside of her reign, she’d just ruin it.

‘And I don’t really want to date…’ he had added in the car, driving definitely easing him into being more talkative.

‘Can’t blame you for that’ you had huffed and he had sent you a small side-eye look, to try to get you to talk more, and you couldn’t help but feel at ease with the young boy ‘… my line of work doesn’t exactly allow me dating’.

And you expected him to go like ‘oh yeah, I wouldn’t allow my girl to basically prostitute herself’.

But he had simply replied:

‘… I do think that there is always a story behind everything’.

And you couldn’t help but agree more, happy to have found somebody who would have dug deeper than the surface.

But again, Alfie was your client.

No matter how charming he was.

As you arrived at the door, Alfred seemed to have tighten up and you gently brought him closer, hugging him loosely in what looked like a cute attempt to calm a nervous boyfriend, and it succeeded since as the maid opened, she smiled at you both.

“Mr. York, it’s a pleasure to have you here” she welcomed you both inside, asking for your coat and you did your best to smile and thank her, as Alfred lightly reached out for you, almost naturally to lead you in the sitting room, where the family was waiting for the brunch to start.

It was a small celebration for Alfred’s father’s birthday, since Aethelwulf wasn’t a man for much celebration, but it was a also way to get all the family around, since as of late it was rather difficult.

And you were more than happy to be lead gentlemanly by Alfred, who set an hand right on the small of your back, stopping before entering with a look that said ‘I can’t do this’.

“You’ll do amazing, sweetie” you mumbled softly, comforting him as you lead him closer, loosely bringing your arm around his neck and he kept your gaze, before you lightly gave his cheeks a kiss, swiftly moving away and opening the door for him.

There weren’t as many people as you had been expecting, but you had also arrived quite early.

Alfred definitely seemed reassured in only seeing his grandfather and a few more distant relatives beside him.

Still all their eyes were soon on you and you dashed out a charming smile and immediately an older man approached Alfred, coming forwards with open arms and a smile, as he shouted happily.

“Alfred! My favorite grandchild” he smiled, as he brought Alfred in a bone crushing hug, using it to spy you over his shoulder and sending you a soft look “… and you brought a lady friend”.

“She is my girlfriend, grandpa” he mumbled proudly, and for a moment you were surprised that he had managed to be an even better actor than you “… (Y/N), may I present you my grandfather Ecberth?”.

“It’s so so nice to meet you (Y/N)” offered you an hand Ecberth, as his eyes inched on you, taking in your appearance “… Alfred must be a truly lucky guy to have such a beautiful girl, by his side”.

“Ah it’s an honor, Mr. York” you replied softly, as you tried to appear the type of girl, he had taken you to be “… I am glad to finally meet you”.

“Oh, sweetheart” he sent a small look at Alfred “… you have no idea how glad I am to finally meet somebody who makes my grandchild heart beats faster! He is always alone, and I am always worried he isn’t taking proper care of himself”.

You blushed gently, as you feigned innocence and shyness.

It almost seemed as if you and Alfred had changed your roles.

“… we wanted to take it slow, we have been together for only a month but…” you shot an exaggerated happy smile at Alfred, who gently gripped your hand as if it was natural “… Gosh, we have just felt so well together”.

Alfred gently brought you closer, softly delivering a kiss to the crown of your head, and for somebody who had been that nervous before entering the household, he was doing amazing.

“Oh, and you look amazing together!” spoke Ecberth, as he shot a look at Alfred “… where did you two meet?”.

“She writes on a local newspaper for a college internship and I was simply so so interested by her article…” he explained, and you barged in to back him up, joking and giggling.

“… I do think that he was more interested by the picture beside it”.

“Can you blame me?” he retorted, and you almost sighed dreamily at his soft blushing look “… and then I found out she is an amazing writer and honestly so so smart”.

The look on his face spoke almost of a real infatuation.

Ecberth seemed honestly moved by your ‘genuine’ tale and congratulated multiple times his grandchild about ‘finding such a perfect match’.

“… grandfather, where are my parents and my brother?” Alfred shifted away the discourse, since an awkward silence had fallen down onto you.

“Oh, your parents had a little delay, and about Aethelred…” Ecberth’s eyes spoke of an annoyance that you were glad hadn’t been directed towards you “… won’t you give her a tour of the mansion, Alfred? Be a gentleman and show her around, while we wait! You certainly don’t want her to stick with all these mummies?”.

And you were more than happy to be dragged away, mostly when Alfred huffed out a long breath of relief as you were far away from his relatives.

“Gosh, that was…” he mumbled, as you lightly laughed at his confused face.

“… fun?” you completed, as you both erupted in laughter, the sound echoing in the huge rooms you had hidden yourself “… your grandfather seems pretty active for his age”.

“Believe me, he almost comes daily at the offices to know whether we are doing a good job or not”.

You couldn’t help but laugh a bit, Alfred had certainly relaxed himself and you were glad for that because it’d make your job easier.

“… won’t you show me around, then?”.

And he did lead you through the wondrous room of the mansion as you discovered it was even bigger than it seemed.

But it definitely put Alfred at ease, as he shared soft stories with you, and you couldn’t help but picture him as a small and loving kid, running around those enormous rooms, as he imagined stories of knights and warriors.

As a dreamer yourself, you understood his stories.

“Gosh I must be so annoying…” he mumbled, as he lowered his head.

“No, no I don’t mind it” you urged him to continue as you sat down at the small table that was set up in what looked like the fourth sitting room you had passed, particularly curious about the chess pieces set up on it.

Alfred didn’t waste any time in joining you.

“Do you know how to play?” he asked, a small smile signaling he did.

“I took a small course during middle grade” you mumbled, as Alfred set up the pieces properly, brushing away a bit of dust, as you set up a phone timer for the time.

“Ecberth taught me how to play chess” he explained as let you open the dances “… he said it’d help with the business thing…”.

“And little me who thought it was simply moving pieces around” you joked, as you immersed in the game, exchanging information about the other, mostly Alfred talking since not only it was your job to listen, but you didn’t want to let out too much personal information.

Then arrived the fateful question.

You had been talking a bit about the fact that you weren’t lying when you had told Ecberth that you studied in college.

And although Alfred didn’t utter it, you understood from his face that he was asking what, an instructed and smart girl was doing as an escort.

“I took the job at the agency because I had to pay off a ton of student loans, since my parents couldn’t afford my college” you explained, expecting either misunderstanding or pity, but Alfred seemed almost… ashamed.

“I am sorry to hear that” he seemed speaking genuinely and you smiled tightly at him.

“I still managed”.

“… doesn’t it get…” ‘scandalous’ or ‘dirtying’ “…tiring?”.

You couldn’t hide the surprise, because to everyone who had asked you, your job was a fantasy something to transform in dirty and to be used as their own fantasy, but Alfred was genuine in his curiosity.

And you found yourself nodding.

“It is sometimes tiring to carry not solely your trouble, but also others’” you explained, as you dragged a pawn ready to be eaten by his tower, and you could see that he was quite ready to taste his victory “… to act happy when you aren’t, truly and to pretend you aren’t feeling anything”.

He seemed honestly hit by your talking, and raised genuinely his face to meet your eyes, in order to let the message through more easily.

“You don’t have to fake with me, ok?” it was the first time you had ever heard such beautiful words “… if you feel uncomfortable you just let me know, and we can go”.

You were honestly surprised, not knowing how to react at such a lovely gentleness, and were simply able to nod your head, before your usual sultry tone got you out of this mess.

“… you have made me feel nothing but welcome” you softly mumbled.

“I bet you say that to all the boys” he muttered, a light blush dusting his cheeks.

“Just the pretty ones” you retorted, as you moved your queen to eat his king “Checkmate”.

He seemed shocked and you couldn’t help but giggle as he looked at you almost offended.

“Not used to losing?” you teased him, as you light pushed yourself closer to him, enough to feel his soft breath on your face as his eyes lightly dropped to your lips, wanting to do what you had solely dreamed about since you had first seen those plush lips.

“Not used to beautiful women”.

“Charmer”.

“Alfred!” came the voice of Ecberth calling you and ending your spare of wits “… come! Your parents are here!”.

And you were more than welcome to stop the idyllic moment.

Because if rule number one was ‘don’t talk of money in front of clients’, the second was ‘not to fall in love with them’, even more when you wanted nothing more than quit with that life.

As you walked back in the sitting room, you were joined on the threshold by a stern couple, and hadn’t Alfred told you they were his parents, you wouldn’t have certainly guessed it, even more when the woman turned to you with a stern and reprimanding look in her eyes, whereas the man was definitely calmer although his look was almost nostalgic.

“Here are the lovebirds” called out softly Ecberth and you were sent an even more burningly hateful look from you assumed would be Judith “… my beloved grandchild and a beautiful girl”.

You blushed graciously, trying to appear meek as Aethelwulf seemed shocked, whereas Judith looked like she couldn’t believe what she had just heard.

“… what?” she asked softly, as if she hadn’t heard right, and you pushed it further.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Mrs. York” you offered her your hand as you took a step forward.

She seemed confused and sent a pleading look at Alfred who had lightly lowered his face, as if to say ‘please don’t involve me’.

“It’s lovely to meet you” gained points Aethelwulf, immediately accepting your extended hand “… I am Aethelwulf, Alfred’s father”.

“I can see where he got his charm”.

Certainly not from the woman by his side who looked at you as if she could stab you with just the right intensity.

And you were thankful to Ecberth when he suggested you just moved to the brunch, since his stomach was grumbling, but Alfred pulled a halt, asking seriously concerned.

“What about Aethelred?” in fact his brother was missing, and his father was the sole one who looked seriously concerned.

Rule three: don’t get in the family troubles of your client.

“He isn’t coming, I think” mumbled a disgruntled Ecberth, eyeing his expensive watch “… it’s pretty late”.

Alfred didn’t look too convinced, but he wasn’t able to do much, as Ecberth moved in an enormous dining room, followed soon by Judith who kept her eyes trained on you, and you smiled sickly sweet at her, going as far as to lightly kiss Alfred’s cheeks, in front of her.

“… it’s strange…” Alfred whispered softly as you were close, after the small kiss “… Aethelred isn’t one to come late or … not come without a message to explain why”.

Alfred had told you that his relationship with his brother was strained, since he had been chosen as the leader of the family corporation, whereas Aethelred had remained stuck in an inferior (but still pretty successful position).

You couldn’t help but see a truly genuine worry on Alfred’s face, although you had to identify also a bit of guilt in his eyes.

It didn’t seem certainly easy to take on the place which had been destined for another.

“Some people just surprise us, sometimes” you tried to calm him, sitting beside him, as he helped you with the chair, before you softly joined your hands under the table, more to reassure him than as a show for his family.

Alfred didn’t look too convinced, but soon his worry was focused on a particular petty and noisy Judith, and whereas Aethelwulf had insisted you just used a less formal tone with them, Judith didn’t hesitate to make you feel at unease.

To the point where every phrase she muttered seemed a backhanded insult.

And you were almost grateful at the distraction that brought everyone to focus their attention away from you, when the maid rushed in.

Something honestly worried in her eyes and soon Ecberth got up to see what this mess was all about, but the maid was promptly joined by another presence: Aethelred.

And whereas Alfred had this soft and almost feminine charm to him, his brother had the typical trait of any white man, broad shoulders and arrogant look comprised.

He also didn’t seem properly… able to stand on his own, as he shifted on his feet as if to find his balance.

He was obviously drunk.

There wasn’t much to be said.

“Aethelred!” tried to attract his attention Ecberth since his gaze was shifting anywhere except a precise point “… you are here!”.

“And you started without me” commented the drunken man, shooting all of you a skeptic look “… what a nice family I was born into”.

“Son…” tried to attract his attention Aethelwulf, who had also gotten up from his chair “… we were sure that you wouldn’t have come, you were….”.

“I mean… of course you didn’t wait for me…” he mumbled as he came forward, having some insecurities on the stairs, with his feet as he tried to remember which one went first “… your precious golden son is already here”.

He had spat out the words with so much poison that although you weren’t the person they were sent to, you couldn’t help but be annoyed almost hurt, as Alfred also got up, feeling himself called in the situation.

“You are drunk, brother” Alfred muttered, his tone filled with more surprise than judgement “… you shouldn’t be here…”.

“And you should lead the offices?” he retorted back “Why?”.

“It isn’t the right time to talk about this…” tried to usher him Judith, who hadn’t lowered her judgy iron gaze from her older son.

“Shut up, mother, we all know that if it was about you, you would have gladly thrown me out of the family business”.

A heavy silence fell onto the table as Aethelred inched closer as he took in every reaction to his awful speech, and stopped as he saw your face…

… and most importantly your hands linked with Alfred.

And he erupted in laughter.

“Little Alfie brought a girl over!” he exclaimed, before his tone turned to be dark and grimy “… how much did you pay her brother?”.

Alfred honestly faked perfectly the offended expression that flashed on his face.

“Don’t speak to her like that” he hissed through gritted teeth and you couldn’t help but be amazed by how much strength he was putting in making his brother back off of you.

But he certainly wasn’t doing it because he wanted to protect your ‘honor’ (or what remained of it).

“… little brother we all know that you couldn’t pick a hottie like her in a thousand year. You might be mommy’s favorite, but with girls…”.

“I don’t think that you should talk to your brother like that” you muttered, honestly a bit irritated by Aethelred’s speech.

And to show Alfred that you could hold your own battles.

But Aethelred hadn’t had enough.

And he turned his attention to you, licking his lips as he ranked his eyes over your body, before he grabbed a glass of wine and drank a bit gulp from it, some of it dribbling away from his mouth, as he moved to speak to you.

“How much do you want to ditch my brother and get on my own cock? I can promise it’d be a better experience”.

Alfred looked to shocked to reply and before you could add anything, Ecberth thundered.

“You drunkard! Don’t even try to continue that speech!”.

“I am not for sale” you added, as you turned softly to Alfred.

But Aethelred hadn’t had enough, and under the watchful eyes of everyone in the room, he threw the rest of the glass wine at you, effectively staining your expensive rental dress, and a bit of your exposed cleavage.

You honestly had gone through pretty everything thank to your job, and being thought as a prostitute certainly wasn’t the worse, but you couldn’t help but be extremely disappointed by Aethelred’s act, who seemed to have suddenly sobered up, as Alfred sent him the meanest look that had ever graced that angelic face.

“… sweetheart” he spoke softly to you, as a rageful tone, promised to rain down on Aethelred “… go to the bathroom, I’ll join you in a few minutes”.

You honestly wanted to stay, because you weren’t no frail damsel in need to be rescued and you thought that to see Aethelred being ripped up to shreds by his brother would have been an interesting experience.

But not only the wine was starting to stick on your expensive rental dress, but also on your skin becoming quite annoying.

And Alfred’s voice didn’t ask for any protest.

You wouldn’t have thought that the shy boy would have held such a domineering tone.

It made you lightly aroused, and you were more than happy to hide yourself in the bathroom, although you stepped behind the huge doors to the dining room to overhear the spar that would be going on.

“… Alfred” tried to catch his attention his mother, but he had had enough.

“Maybe you should think that this is the reason why I don’t bring girls here!” he shouted, honestly exasperated.

“Alfred” tried to call him his brother.

“If you interrupt me one more time, so help me God” screamed loudly Alfred, pointing a finger at him “I honestly don’t give a single flying fuck about the fact that you are drunk! You just fucking called a nice girl a whore! And you don’t even know her…”.

But that wasn’t enough.

Judith moved to calm down her child, but Alfred honestly sent her a look identical to the one she had been sending you the entire day.

“… and please don’t try to act all innocent, as you basically made her feel all uncomfortable with your awful questions” Judith fell in her chair, as Aethelwulf immediately came to check on her pulse and Alfred didn’t deign her of a look, as he moved to exit the table, passing Ecberth and excusing for the situation “… I’ll see how she is feeling and then bring her home”.

And as soon as he move to the door, you rushed in the first bathroom you found, lightly trying to brush away the stains, unable to even fathom how much you’d have to pay to get it replaced.

“… I am sorry you had to witness all of it” Alfred’s voice startled you as he walked in, taking in the shameful mess that your dress was “I’ll buy you a new one”.

“You don’t have to” you mumbled softly “… and believe me… I have seen worse”.

“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better” he crouched closer and also grabbed a towel as he softly sent you a light look to ask if he could help you and you nodded, surprised of this soft! Alfred after everything that you had witnessed.

And you didn’t know which version you liked more.

“I don’t lie and I never fake” you joked softly, as you light dipped your neck to the side to let him clean it, as you dabbed your chest, seeing Alfred becoming all red as he accidentally took a look at it “… and don’t worry, you can look”.

“I don’t….” he honestly looked close to choking on his own saliva and you were honestly missing the self-assured Alfred you had met in the dining room “… I wouldn’t want to offend you”.

“You wouldn’t” you promised him, as you decided to give the boy a little treat for the way he was acting so adorably.

And for having defended your honor.

You lightly opened your legs, as you lured him inside them when he came closer to dab at your chest over the fabric and you brought him closer and you softly linked your arms around his neck.

“You don’t have to fake anymore” he stuttered lightly on the last part, and you smiled viciously at him.

“I said I don’t fake anything” you mumbled gently, as you grabbed one of his hands, making him drop the wet towel and pushed it onto your upper leg, to make him feel the smooth skin there “… this isn’t on the contract”.

“I am not…” he seemed honestly on the verge of passing out and you did a step further.

“When was the last time you kissed a girl, Alfie?” you asked him, as you brought your lips closer to ears “… when was the last time you wanted something?”.

He tried to avoid looking at you, but you knew from some other ‘evident’ proof that he wanted you, and it surprised him as you wrapped your legs around him, lightly grinding yourself against the bulge in his pants, as he tried to hold onto your legs, making you giggle lightly when you both lost your balance and fell onto the ground.

And Alfie joined your laugh.

“I thought you were a professional” he shot you a light look, but you didn’t let him shift the attention away from you.

“Oh, I am” you promised him, before you shushed any protest, pressing your lips against his.

And this time you were the one who was surprised as Alfie reciprocated the kiss hungrily, and you had your answer for your first question.

He hadn’t kissed somebody in a long time.

But he certainly hadn’t lost the technique, as his hands traced softly your cheeks in a soft grip, meanwhile he moved gently his lips against yours, at first your upper, lightly tickling it with his tongue, and then the lower one, biting onto it, making you yelp out.

And slowly one of his hands had threaded in your updo, lightly pulling on the elastic in it, letting your hair fall down your shoulders.

And before you knew it, he pushed one hand in the mess of tresses falling down your face as he brought you closer.

And joined your lips in another kiss.

And his hand on your thigh slipped further.

Apparently, he was either a natural learner or he was lying to you.

You didn’t know which would have sounded more outrageous for the perfect prince charming Alfred had presented himself to be.

As Alfred broke the kiss, you found him looking at you with wide eyes.

He had made a rather scandalous discovery.

“You’re n-not ,um, w-wearing anything under that, are you..?”.

“The dress was just too tight” you spoke softly, as you lured him closer to you “… do I scandalize you, Alfie?”.

And a dark look was shot at you, as you realized that you had definitely awakened something inside of him.

And it wasn’t in the slightest something a prince charming owned.

He quickly pushed your hair as he lightly made you move on his lap, as he hiked your dress past your hips, to expose you to his hungry gaze.

He made little effort to get himself out of his expensive dress, discarding the jacket, since it was stopping him from moving freely.

And then he lightly unzipped his boxers, as you tried to catch a small look at his member, but weren’t able to catch nothing more than a simple glimpse, because he gripped again your hair, effectively bringing you to smash messily your lips together in an open-mouthed kiss, as he teased the tip of his fingers against your slit.

Teasingly mapping you out, as his lips tried to gain your attention.

But your mind couldn’t focus properly, on anything.

“… does a professional do this?” teased you Alfred, as he slipped the tip of his fingers inside your wet warmth, testing your wetness “… will you charge me more for this?”.

You couldn’t help but surprised by the Alfred’s transformation and didn’t dare to question it.

“It depends, if you can last pretty boy” you smiled and he smirked back dangerously at you, and before you knew it, he was brushing his blunt tip against your entrance, in a slight ask for consent which you granted lightly battling your fluttery eye-lashes.

And you hadn’t been wrong about the fact that he was quite impressive.

He still let you adjust to its length, as he also moved you closer, meanwhile his legs went to give support to your back, as his hands moved from your hair down, trailing softly till your back, where he sank them down as you teasingly gripped him tighter, signaling him to start moving.

And he didn’t need to be told anymore, starting a languid pace as he pushed inside you, making you feel every inch of him, as he retreated almost completely, slamming with a brutal trust and exiting you damnably slowly.

Leaving you in a state of ecstasy that made you almost brace Paradise, but…

He pushed you to look at him in the eyes, lightly moving your back more upright as he made you face him and those beautiful blue eyes lightly were darkened by lust, but nothing else in him would have signaled the sinful act you were doing.

And Gosh… those perfectly blushing cheeks, reddish enough to make you want to bite at them as ripple apples.

And his lips had swollen due to the constant kisses, making them plumper.

Gosh you wished you owned such lips!

He kept on teasing you, till it got too much also for him and he started fucking you in the earnest, completely changing your positions, as he pushed you down on the cold marble of the bathroom, overcoming you as he came on top of you.

A pleasurable oppression.

And it managed to hit you even deeper, as he lost himself in you.

But it wasn’t enough.

And you tightly grabbed his angelic face, making sure, this time, he was the one who looked at you, as you spoke slowly.

“Aren’t you downright scandalous, Mr. York?” he stilled his hips, sheathing himself deeply against you “… you look like a fucking angel, all good preaches and sweet smiles, but you fuck like a downright sinful devil”.

This seemed enough for him to understand what you wanted.

He pushed himself in with much more strength, no teasing anymore.

“I bet this this is why you don’t keep girls around…” you whispered in his ear as he moved to make your chest meet, between you, closer than it was possible “… they are all little girls that don’t know how to make you feel. You need a woman to make it feel better, don’t you”.

Your teasing seemed to work, because he basically pounded you against the floor, and you were sure you’d have bruises on your lower back.

But you weren’t feeling a single ounce of pain, as you reached your edge, gently helped by a finger of his, that had found again your pearl, attaching to it roughly, as he pushed you into coming.

He lasted a few more thrust after you, but you were solely able to focus on your pleasure, as you arched against the cold floor, meeting his boiling chest.

Both spent, you separated.

The combination of the stickiness of the wine still on your body and your own sweat didn’t make for a pleasurable sensation and you were more than happy when Alfred passed you the wet towel, which it hadn’t fallen down far away from where you had finished your coupling.

“… I came into you” the memory of it, shook Alfred to the core, as he moved to turn to you, catching the glimpse of his seed falling between your legs as some kind of satisfaction filled him, but worry didn’t leave his face.

“I am on the pill” you mumbled “… since I was sixteen, helped with my period and certainly makes this funnier. And don’t worry I am clean”.

The last part of your affirmation didn’t seem to worry him in the slightest.

And as much as you didn’t mind the messy situation down there, actually enjoyed it as you brushed the wet towel over your oversensitive puffy lips, you were struck with another rule broken for Alfie: don’t leave any trace of you.

But it was worth it.

That animalistic and downright outrageous part of him made him definitely one of the best hook-ups you had ever had.

The best, definitely.

But you wouldn’t have told him, or it’d got to his head.

Mostly with the way, after his worries were eased, he told you ‘he had indeed lasted’.

“Yes yes, I can feel that” you reprimanded him.

And you were broken apart from the idyllic memory (and the opportunity for another round) when Judith’s voice called out your names and moved the door as if to enter.

“Mom, stay away!” screeched nervously Alfred, as he shielded you with his jacket, and his mother strangely followed his order, immediately closing the door “… we’ll clean up and maybe join you”.

You shot him a slight look as if to say ‘what do you mean with maybe’.

And he answered it as soon as Judith left, simply mumbling ‘of course’.

“We could ditch this boring party and go to my house” he mumbled, and although he tried to shift his face away from you, you caught the redness of his cheeks.

Do find yourself a man that will fuck you like that and then blush at the sole mention of doing it again.

“Behave” you muttered, as you pushed your dress back to cover yourself “… get me my change of dress in the car, and then you can have fun ripping it off me, once we get home”.

#Alfred #Alfred The Great #Alfred Reader #Alfred The Great Reader #Alfred x Reader #Alfred The Great x Reader #Alfred Imagine #Alfred The Great Imagine #Alfred Fic #Alfred The Great Fic #Alfred Smut #Smut #Alfred The Great Smut #Alfred Ask #Alfred Drabble #Alfred Blurb #Saxon Reader #Vikings #History Vikings

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jenni42085 · 4 years

Text

Love in the Time of Corona <Three>

Three.

Scott and Chris greet Nico and Colton as they come back inside from the cold. Even though Nico is in Colton’s hoodie she still looks cold and shaken a little, but she has a smile on her face so maybe everything is ok.

“We all good now?” Scott asks giving Colton a slightly dirty look.

“Yeah, we are good just had to have a sibling chat about being over protective.” Nico says giving Colton a look with a small smile.

Chris nods his head in understanding. “Overprotective is not a bad thing. Sometimes it is needed.” He gives Colton a smile to let him know he gets it.

“I’m sorry Chris and Nico.” Colton replies. “I just worried and shouldn’t because we are adults who are out of their twenties and know how to act.”

“Agreed”. The three replied.

Nico gives her brother a hug then pulls away excitedly from him to tell him good news. “Guess what was made last night… well this morning and is ready to eat?”

“Pepperoni rolls!” Colton replies excitedly.

She nods her head and walks over to the kitchen. She proudly pulls out 4 rolls wraps them in a paper towel then put it in microwave for thirty seconds.

The smells of freshly baked bread and melting mozzarella cheese fills the room making everyone’s mouth water. Nico proudly put a roll on a paper plate and then in front of everyone. Scott and Chris look at the delicious roll, while Colton digs in and moans at the taste.

“Sis, it has been wayyy too long of me not having one. It’s so good.” Colton says. “ Babe what do you think?”

With his mouth full of food, “Oh wow! Nico this is absolutely amazing! I’m going to probably need another one.”

“Hey! Save the rest of us some!” Colton says as Scott heats up another roll.

Nico looks at Chris as he is eating, waiting to hear him say something. “Well, Chris . . . What do you think?”

Chris looks up from his roll and gives her a genuine smile that made her heart stop. “It’s amazing. I had fun helping you make this. It’s so simple but wow.”

Nico leans across the island and smiles back at him with pride. She can’t help but feel proud when everyone was complimenting her baking. Thankfully they know she can carry her weight around the house.

**************************************************************************************************************

Mid afternoon rolls around and Nico decided that it was time for a nap. After the last few days she needed sometime to just fully unwind and not feel so stressed out. When she packed her paci originally she didn’t think she would really need a few things like this but she is glad she did.

She closes the door and grabs her fuzzy Hello Kitty blanket and her sea foam green pacifier. Nico was a little and needed to be in little space for a little bit because she was feeling overwhelmed and didn’t want an anxiety attack.

It’s something she has been doing for a few years with very few of her friends knowing. Age regression wasn’t something she was ashamed of but some people just wouldn’t get it and instead of explaining she just never told anyone. It was her own little secret from the world. She had gotten into it from an old boyfriend who was her daddy and realized she loved being little, just didn’t love him.

After pulling off her leggings she snuggles with her blanket wrapped around her arm and under her head with her paci in her mouth and falls to sleep. Aside from having Chris snuggle with her the night before, this is what helps her sleep and feel safe. She just hopes that she won’t have the urge to be little the majority of her time there. Not sure if Colton can handle anymore surprises.

**************************************************************************************************************

Chris has finished up his last meeting for the day and was curious to see what Nico was up to. He appreciated the fact that she could keep herself entertained instead of being loud and crazy like Scott and Colton.

When he didn’t see her in the common areas he figured she was in her room. He knocked on the door two times and no answer so he slowly opens the door. What he saw shocked him a little bit.

Nico was fast asleep with the blanket she had last night and a pacifier in her mouth. From the way she was breathing it was a very deep sleep. Chris admired how peaceful and beautiful she looked while she slept. He was still curious about the pacifier but figured he would ask a later date.

Part of the reason was because obviously she wanted her and the pacifier to be private hence why she was in her room with the door shut and not on the couch as before. And the other part he wasn’t sure if her brother knew anything about it and didn’t really want another confrontation.

So he did what he usually does outside of Googling. . .

Chris: Hey guys I have a question.

RDJ: Ok then what is it,

Chris: She is sleeping with a pacifier. That’s not normal but I want to know why but don’t want to ask her.

Hemsworth: Well, maybe she just has like a secret addiction.

RDJ: Highly unlikely.

Sebastian: Maybe she is a little.

Chris: A little what ?

Sebastian: Umm how do I put this . . . She is submissive and like the idea of being a little girl with a ‘Dom Daddy’.

RDJ: Do I want to know why you know this?

Hemsworth: I can already figure why he knows this.

Sebastian: Look I’ve dated some interesting ladies. A little is actually nice and they call you Daddy 🍆🍆

As Chris reads this he tries to run through all the things that she might have done or said to prove that she is one. He does know that she does likes rainbows, unicorns, and glitter but that doesn’t make him think she is a little.

Chris: So dating a little? How does it even work?

Sebastian: Pretty easy to a certain point. Rules, punishments, and rewards. The one I was with worked a normal job and everything but a few days a week when she got home she would regress and I would take care of her.

Chris: And punishment as in. . . ?

Sebastian: Spanking, sitting in the corner, or maybe ignoring her for a few hours. It was odd she hated that one the most. But man, calling her a good girl or kitten would be her undoing.

RDJ: Seb you are a weird little man. How did you find her?

Sebastian: I didn’t know she was when we first met. She eased me into it. It was fun.

Chris: Ok then. I’ll have to do some research.

Chris closed out his messages and decided to take Dodger outside so he could run off some energy. The dog had become fond of Nico since he would follow her around and was even sitting outside her door while she slept. Good to know he wasn’t the only one fond of her.

While walking outside with his dog he hit another text message privately from Sebastian.

S: Hey it sounds like you are still unsure about her. Here is a few links about the lifestyle.

C: Thanks. I really have been enjoying her company. And if that is what she is into I can be her ‘daddy’. Just not sure how her brother would handle it.

S: He doesn’t need to know about what she like to do in and out of the bedroom. And it’s not like she wants to be walked around on a leash. Just likes to be submissive and care free.

C: I know. Maybe it is a coping skill that helps with her anxiety.

S: She has anxiety! That is probably a driving force. It helps them to relax and not worry about the things that are bothering her. Also it helps her to sort through her feelings a bit.

C: That’s a different way to cope but who am I to talk?

S: Exactly. If you really want to see if she is. Offer her something off your fork or spoon. If she doesn’t want to tell her to “be a good girl and have some” and if she does say she’s “a good girl” and see how she reacts.

C: Sounds incredibly sexist and might piss her off.

S: Maybe so but there is a time and place for it all. And if she is. She’ll go for it.

C: Idk man. That just seems extreme but I might try it. Just to see.

S: I mean she is sleeping with a pacifier . . . I feel like that’s a pretty clear indication. Hell you might like it too! Being a daddy is fun.

Chris shakes his head then looks at the link that he was sent. Scrolling through it and reading it made him feel unsure but excited by the idea of being a dom daddy and not just in the bedroom.

He would be lying to himself that he didn’t enjoy being in control and making his female at the time cum when he said it was ok. The idea of Nico under him and calling him ‘daddy’ made him hard. He could see her with pigtails and her large brown eyes looking so big and expressive wanting and begging for him.

Scott came outside and made Chris shake his thoughts of Nico doing naughty things. He feels like he is going to need a cold shower after all those thoughts

**************************************************************************************************************

Nico woke up from her nap after an intense sex dream with Chris. She was dreaming about having him as her ‘daddy’. She dreamed of wearing pigtails and glasses and just begging for snuggles and then it transitioned into something different. It has been a few years since she had sex. So maybe she was slightly overdue.

Dinner was uneventful thankfully. Granted thorough out the meal Nico would look at him while he wasn’t paying attention and vice versa. By the end of the meal she was squirming with semi damp panties. Really wishing he knew that side of her.

When Chris saw Nico with her hair in pigtails at the dinner table it made him hard instantly and was thankful that they were at the table. She would unconsciously twirl her hair around her finger while talking. As innocent as she was doing it the thoughts both of them had were not so innocent but neither knew what the other was thinking.

Scott and Colton had went to bed early since both had early morning meeting, leaving Chris and Nico alone with each other. While they were making their exit Nico had changed out of her contacts and once again put her unicorn glitter glasses along with shorts, cami, and over the knee socks.

Chris almost lost it when he saw her come out with the glasses and the pigtails from his fantasy. They had watched one episode of Rick and Morty then he decided that he would try as Seb had suggested. He grabbed a peaches and cream fruit cup and starting eating it.

“Oh wow this is really good! You should try some.” He said getting her attention.

She shifted from sitting criss cross applesauce on the furtherest most part of the couch to standing and moving closer to him to sit. Her nose scrunched at the cup. “What is that?”

“It’s a peaches and cream fruit cup. Do you want to try some? Here?” He states as he offers the spoon to her.

“Ummm no thanks. I’m good right now it does smell yummy though.”

“Ohh come on be a good girl. I don’t have cooties.” He replied calmly. He waits to see her expression to making the comment.

Nico tried to have a poker face but hearing ‘good girl’ struck a nerve. Her eyes got larger and she wanted to be a good girl too she scoots closer to him and open her mouth to the spoon he is offering her. He was right it was really good. As soon as she accepted the spoon Chris replied. “That’s a good girl. Yummy right?”

Without thinking Nico fell back into little space making her voice get softer. “Yes daddy it was delicious. Thank you.” After she realized what she said to him she blushed hard and got up to leave embarrassed by saying something so private out loud.

Chris picked up on her shock and embarrassment and realized he had to do be a Dom daddy at that moment. “Kitten? Did I say you could leave? We still have the rest of the fruit cup to finish so come here and eat it with me please.”

Nico nodded her head going back into little space. “Yes sir.” She sat back down on the couch close but far enough away from Chris. She felt her chest getting tight but figured for the night being little with him might not be too bad. It has been a while since she had a daddy.

“Would you like another bite of it?” He asked. She nodded at him. “Use your words kitten.” Despite not having done this before he was easily falling into the role. Later on he will have to thank Seb for the links that he sent because he probably would have messed it up without a little bit f studying.

“Yes sir.”

“Such a good girl.” He replied while feeding her another spoonful.

Soon enough the fruit cup was empty and the two sat there still watching Rick and Morty. Chris figured that she would try to run again but she didn’t. She sat there quietly, obviously processing everything that has just happened. While she was processing it all he pulls her into his lap.

Feeling so confused about what happened stressed Nico out but then suddenly relaxed when he pulled her into his lap. She shocked herself by not even pulling away, she just let him do it. He smelled amazing and she felt like she could stay like this forever. He sensed her body was slightly tense still so he rubbed her back and stroked her pigtails. A small yawn escaped her.

“Are you tired?” He asked her.

“Just a little bit.” She replied fighting the urge to fall asleep in his arms.

He looked at the clock and realized it was almost midnight so it is time for bed. He thought about what to do next. Putting her to bed was the option but wasn’t sure if her bed or his bed. She looked so beautiful in his arms she looked up at him with her large brown eyes and didn’t want her to sleep alone or her to be woken up with her brother.

“OK, lets go to bed.” He stated firmly but calmly. The tone of his voice was everything for her. She was about to pull herself away from his lap but he still held her close. “Do you want your pacifier before we go to bed?”

She was pleased by hearing him ask her if she wanted her paci. It has helped her sleep times than she cares to admit. “Yes please.”

He lets her stand up, “Ok kitten go get it and whatever else you need to go to sleep. Come back to my room. You have 5 minutes.” And with a lite tap on her bottom Nico was quickly walking to her room.

While she was gone Chris turned off the tv and the lights and headed to his room. He couldn’t believe she was little, but didn’t know really where to go from there. At this point he figured he would play it by ear. As if on time to knowing he needed some more help.

S: So did you try it? Is she a little?

C: Yes. And she is most definitely one.

S: Nice! So what all have you done together?

C: After she ate off the spoon I cuddled her. She relaxed a lot in my lap. I told her it was bedtime and I told her she was sleeping in my room tonight. She is currently going and getting her pacifier and blanket.

S: Look at you. Like a duck to water. How does this make you feel?

C: Excited to a certain point then nervous. I don’t want to do it wrong or hurt her.

S: Gotcha and understandable. If you just remember her mind set isn’t of an adult but a child. Might wanna ask her what her little age is.

C: That seems like a lot. But I like her and am willing to try this whole thing out.

S: You got this. You can most def be her dom daddy.

Chris locks his phone then looks at his clock. One more minute then I’m getting her. Before he could get up to head to her room she comes running in with her blanket and pacifier in hand.

While she was gone she had changed to an oversized shirt that barely covered her thighs and kept the socks on. Seeing her made him mentally groan with satisfaction.

“I’m back sir with one minute to spare.” Nico said softly.

Chris stood up and towered over her making her feel small but safe. He puts a finger under her chin. “Good job kitten. But from now on you call me daddy or sir when we are alone. Understood?”

“Yes sir.” Nico rubs her eyes again with a small yawn. “Can we go to bed now? I’m really tired.”

“Come on daddy’s tired too.” He says cheerfully but still slightly tired.

Nico gets in the soft cool sheets, she uses her blanket as a pillow and blanket like always. Chris take her pacifier from her and examines it. He pulls the covers over her. He crawls in bed next to her and she moves closer for warmth.

“Are you warm enough?” He asks as she buries her head into his chest.

“Yes sir. It’s perfect not to hot or to cold.”

Nico closed her eyes feeling very comfortable with him. Comfortable not only because she was tired but for the fact that he was accepting her little. She lets another yawn come out and Chris puts the pacifier in her mouth. She slowly sucks it into her mouth letting her tongue come out in a very erotic fashion.

She fully relaxes once she has her paci. As she was closing her eyes Chris pulls her paci from her mouth. Making her whine a little bit.

“Daddy?” She said in a voice just above a whisper.

“Kitten, I forgot a good night kiss.” He replies in a seductive voice. He leans in and cups her face. First a kiss on the forehead then the nose and finally her lips. When they connected both felt no longer tired but aroused.

Her arms went around his neck and his hands traveled and cupped her bottom. He nips at her lip a little causing her to moan. Chris wanted to kiss her from top to bottom but pulls himself away and once again kisses her nose then forehead.

“Good night kitten.”

“Good night daddy.”

#chris evans x black reader #chris evans x poc!reader #Chris Evans X black!reader

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a-very-fond-farewell · 4 years

Text

The forbidden crack! Untamed prompts: 20/?

CLAMP AU [Wei WuXian & Mo XuanYu are twin brothers edition]: “Yiling BABYLON”

[the reverse!TokyoBabylon au nobody asked for]

[ok. hear me out. I know it sounds weird but. hear me out. this is my second prompt based on a CLAMP work and it will sound far fetched but...trust me. the original manga is named “Tokyo Babylon” and it involves twins of a renowned family of magicians/exorcists working to solve mysteries in their town + a forbidden love between one of said twins and a man belonging to a rival family.]

[reasons why I thought of this prompt based on such source:

1). I know. I am aware. It would have made much more sense to have the Twin Jades of Lan be the exorcists of the situation. but Mo XuanYu deserves to go on adventures as well and, also, the twins in CLAMP’s manga are much more easygoing than the Two Jades so. artistic license. sue me.

2). I wanted Lan WangJi to be ruthless and cold blooded against his will.

3). in this prompt of mine I had to twist a couple of things but.............spare me.

4). the aesthetic bro. the drip.

(which is to say I wanted WWX and MXY to wear the fanciest/most atrocious 80’s/90’s style shit possible. it would have made much more sense for WWX to be the one designing the clothes bc he totally would, but I let poor MXY have his fun with this. also they are both adults in the story)

5). yep. that’s basically it.

anyway, enjoy!]

[under the cut babyyy]

Fast paced is the existence of what hides festering the darkness and gray areas of the world, especially in a city like Yiling, where spirits of every kind haunts the realm of the living looking for retribution and vengeance. Neon lights flickering aimlessly in the night as mysterious happenings attract the attention of many. Be it a vending machine suddenly dripping blood from every crevice and nook, or a hanged body making its appearance in a public toilet downtown.

Night after night new ghosts slither through the cracks of reality and slip into this world. Like oil stains spreading out in the endless ocean, rotting away in the corners of Yiling, forgotten and free to gather as much resentful energy from every living source as possible day after day. Making it impossible for the residents to sleep peacefully ever again.

Among such chaos a family was allowed to prosper and shine: the Sanren Clan, household of indisputable fame in their approach to grant peace to the dead. Powerful exorcists as they are, they developed a new kind of purification ritual over centuries of serving the emperor, to the point nobody can rival them in the matters of the underworld. Head of the clan is Wei WuXian, twenty-five-year-old grandmaster of demonism with an eye for the occult and a genius mind to aid him in his endeavors. His twin brother XuanYu, although lacking the spiritual energy required to perform full exorcisms alone, was gifted with a talent for memorization and array design that is unrivaled in the entire nation. Despite being born from a lesser known branch of the Sanren Clan, their incommensurable assets were deemed worthy of attention by the elders and they were allowed to participate in night expeditions since they were children.

But the life of a master of the dead is rarely prone to peace and Wei WuXian fears the day his spiritual energy will give up on him and let him be devoured by the souls under his care. Techniques like “Empathy”, for instance, require him to be briefly possessed by ghosts in order to understand how to help them cross the bridge between the two realms; while demonic possession drains his body as well as his memories in exchange to grant a spirit an outburst through his very body. His twin brother worries for him and tries his best to allow them to live normal lives, insisting they live separately from the rest of the Clan to enjoy their youth.

After all, the Wen Family protects them from harm and Wen Qing herself has suggested for other members of the Clan to take over Wei WuXian’s workload whenever possible, so not to overwork him to death. Hence, ever since Elder BaoShan granted XuanYu’s request, the twins, along with their bodyguard Wen Ning and personal physician Wen Qing, have tried to live relatively normal lives as any other young adult their age. Spending their days playing board games and going shopping, visiting new art galleries and practicing sports.

The bond between Wei WuXian and his brother is so deep the eldest knows he is transparent to XuanYu and that no lie will be strong enough to convince him that everything is fine. So he lets his younger brother do as he pleases, helping him around the small clothing design studio where XuanYu works at even if they are rich and technically don’t lack money at all. He also accepts to live in a minuscule apartment with him and their two friends just to indulge his “need to live like normal college students for once”, even if none of them are enrolled in university. Wei WuXian enjoys the little things his brother is determined to give him and tries to relax by day... knowing too well he has to work by night and channel resentful energy for corpses and spirits to peacefully pass the threshold of the otherworld.

The fact that they also made a new friend in the last year is also one of the reasons XuanYu seems so keen on letting his older brother live outside of the Sanren estate. A quiet man in his thirties named Lan WangJi who works as a veterinarian nearby their apartment. XuanYu has noticed for a while how kindly the man treats Wei WuXian, how fondly he answers to the other’s teasing and jokes, how invested he looks in the younger man’s wellbeing. It would be cruel to separate them.

Certainly, the fact that the Lan Clan is known for harvesting assassins since the beginning of time would be a hindrance to their friendship, and the elders would definitely order the twins to go back home. But, since Lan WangJi doesn’t seem interested in following such bloodied path, XuanYu indulges his brother and plays along with every joke and trick, insisting how little the veterinarian fits in the Lan Clan at every opportunity.

Lan WangJi and Wei WuXian already met in the past, during a mission at night when the latter was barely eighteen and a spirit had just ceased possessing his body, leading him to the culprit of their murder. Lan WangJi had just returned from yet another purge, his fingers still holding the guqin string he had used to cut the throats of his Clan’s enemies. Tired and bored of that life, Lan WangJi found Wei WuXian’s presence refreshing for the small time they spent together on Yiling Bridge that particular night. Even if the boy looks out of it after being possessed, carefree and kind, gentle. Impressed with the younger’s ability to empathize with evil creatures, Lan WangJi made a bet with the boy: that they would meet again in the future and that if, after spending one year together, he were to fall for Wei WuXian, he would stop being a killer and leave the Lan Clan for good.

The only thing Wei WuXian remembers of that night was that he revealed his real name to a stranger on a bridge at night, and that now someone in that town lives knowing him as Wei Ying, not Wei WuXian grandmaster of demonism. So he’s always looking for that person, hoping to meet them again, unaware of the truth, believing to have developed feelings for someone whose existence resembles more a dream than anything else.

Now, one year has passed since the day Lan WangJi has entered the twins’ lives and things have changed. Demons and spirits have become more aggressive over the last few months, whispering to Wei WuXian to get them the revenge they deserve, corrupting his mind with persuasive words and violent acts, making his blood boil and his memories fade night after night. After one particularly long mission XuanYu takes his older brother to Lan WangJi in a fit of panic, asking him to help. Blood is gushing out of Wei WuXian’s eyes, ears, mouth and nostrils; the situation escalated almost to the point of no return, now that even Wen Qing is unconscious and has been taken to safety at the Sanren estate by Wen Ning himself. The demon asked for a price too high, shaking Wei WuXian from the inside out to the point he inadvertently pushed Wen Qing out the way and made her hit her head.

But the sight of human blood awakens something in Lan WangJi, something he had tried to forget about and suppress for months the moment he had met Wei WuXian for the second time in his life, one year ago. Something falls in place and as he watches Wei WuXian regain consciousness he breaks one of his arms and tries to kill him.

XuanYu defends his brother with all his might, throwing talismans to the older man’s face until one of them catches him off guard and blinds him in his right eye.

Lan WangJi is forced to escape, but not before XuanYu is able to cast a spell on him. For as long as he will live, XuanYu will always know where Lan WangJi hides and no amount of spiritual energy will erase the trace.

Dragging his sobbing brother back to the estate, XuanYu reveals what happened to Elder BaoShan, feeling guilty for having trusted a Lan despite the warnings. Elder BaoShan tries to heal Wei WuXian’s injuries and make the early signs of qi deviation regress at the best of her abilities, but in doing so she sacrifices her spiritual energy to the point of losing her sight. Wei WuXian, traumatized by Lan WangJi’s betrayal, has a flashback of that mission from seven years ago and realizes the person he was looking for is the man who introduced himself as Lan Zhan.

Heartbroken, Wei WuXian falls in a coma and XuanYu lets the resentful energy overtake him to the point he decides to go look for Lan WangJi and seek revenge himself. He dies in the attempt and the bond with his twin brother breaks, the backlash so strong Wei Ying wakes up and immediately knows his baby brother is no more.

Assuming the worst, he takes his time healing before deciding to look for Lan Zhan himself and kill him for erasing XuanYu’s existence from the face of the earth.

[spoiler, MXY was killed by the Lan Elders to keep their location a secret and they used LWJ’s unconscious body as bait to lure him out while he was consumed with resentful energy. in this case LWJ is innocent.]

#wangxian #mdzs #cql #the untamed #mdzs/au: clamp #mdzs/au: manga/anime inspired #mdzs/au:: modern #mdzs/au: tkbabylon #clamp #the forbidden crack! untamed prompts #mdzs/au: role-reversed

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