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cuprohastes · 10 months

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The Trouble with Pebbles (3!)

Part Threeth

Previously on "Days of our Graak"

Dave the Human has taken up an offer to be Dave the Atrix, mostly for the chance to be a brat and access to that sweet sweet moss.

Cat Fantastic is discovering that the big exciting non Atrix world sucks in new and unticipated ways, but he has acquired a new Aunt Dave.

Dave The Human is displaying oddly maternal behaviour... what could this mean? It means Dave's not an ass.

The Von Neuman Space Squids are not learning to sing and still aren't in this story.

EVA 43 and the Most Dangerous human are eating mozarella sticks and arguing over which was better: 21st Century Superman, or Post Contact Superman. They also aren't in this story.

Gondy, Rax and Garfield are starting to wonder AITA?

O'Patel and Big Ma are surfing a diplomatic incident wave and cackling with glee: Also they're about to ask Dave the Atrix A Question...

Dave the Atrix twitched in a way that Dave the Human had come to associate with an incoming call making a bunch of tech gadgets go into vibrate mode.

Dave pulled his tablet out, unfolded it and picked up the call - It was Big Ma, his nominal superior now he'd defected to the Big Purple Lizard Team.

"Hang on..." he muttered and flipped down his UV Visor. "Atrix" he said and flashed his name pattern.

In the background, he could hear O'Patel absolutely losing it at the expression Ma pulled. Her display skin was doing the Atrix equivalent of the spinning beachball.

O'Patel leaned into frame. "Say, Dave, would you like your registered Atrix name back?" he asked.

"Oh... sure!" said Dave the Atrix Phalanges Mitten, known troublemaker, shortarse and interspecies drag performer.

"Oh yes... PRIME DAVE!" squeaked Dave The Human doign a victory dance. "Last Dave standing. Squeap!".

"Is that Dave?" asked O'Patel.

"No this is Phalanges." said Dave.

"Not you!" O'Patel responded and so Phalanges held up Cat.

"In that case, you mean Cat Fantastic?" he said, mostly to introduce his Little Guy's new name.

"Oh, good name" said Ma somewhat enviously, having recovered form the novelty of Dave having suddenly acquired a comically robotic Atrix communicator. "If you don't want it..."

"Graak!" Cat said.

"Understandable." Ma said, and Dave leaned in and said "That's what I said too!"

"I'm the big boss. And so's O'Patel." she added in response to Cat's entirely reasonable query. "OK Atrix, take care of each other and check in soon. This is a weird scenario and we have a lot of people suddenly either worrying, yelling that this shouldn't be allowed, or asking really bizarre questions."

"Had to get the space broom out." said O'Patel which gave Phalanges and Dave an indicator of what some of those queries had been.

The Space broom is the metaphorical item used to beat back wannabe horny alienfuckers. The fact that Atrix are about as asexual as you can get while still having a natural reproduction rate, and basically do not have anything that a human could recognise as genitals has not stopped anyone, including a small community of Tsin, three Wallandernook, and a really weird artist colony of Atrix who are collectively keeping the entire Atrix Erotica industry ticking along: from cranking out staggering amounts of Atrix interspecies romance and erotica novelettes to audio books. The question is less: "Why are you making this?" and more who is buying these things?

Meanwhile in another part of the Station...

Rax is carrying a tray of purple breadrolls, dips and fill-ins. Un-Named Male is in Garfield's pouch, and Gondy is carrying the drinks.

"Are we... the bad guys?" wonders Gondy.

Gondy had been hit in the faceplate with debris months earlier and the partial decompression had blinded her in one eye and caused her face to develop some nasty crack pattern scars.

The possibly Human EVA Maintenance specialist that everyone referred to as 43 had hauled ass out of the medical wing, yanked open an airlock with no concern for his/her own safety and dragged Gondy in out of a hard vacuum.

They'd basically walked it off, and recovered within weeks while Gondy had needed her eye reconstructing and still had scars months later.

Rax had been Gondy's Little Guy and had promptly left her pouch and started stuffing their face... which by human standards is a Douche Move.

But from an Atrix point of view it meant Gondy only had to look after herself, and besides, now Rax, rapidly putting on mass, was always on hand to help out and keep up Gondy's social obligations, if not her work: Not the Asshole.

And now all four are lurking in Garf's cabin, which is more or less a single room with storage and a ton of more or less free range mosses, ferns, decorative fungus, and a place for someone with a tail to sprawl out or sit with friends.

"I mean..." says Rax, in Atrix, half spoken, half displayed. "... in ways that can be discussed, we have been which has been mentioned?"

"In ways that can be discussed and measured." Garf says. "And it shames us. It has shamed us all"

Gondy says, "That which is known and considered. We could have done better by them that is faceless. It is to the faceless human's credit that she accepted a token of bonding."

"Graak" says Un-Named male, being a little coarse. Garf passes him the mushroom and spinach and the little guy hollows out a purple roll and starts filling it. "Grak."

Everyone flickers their colours and ponders food, apart form Un-Named male who's somewhat pithy commentary has rather clarified the matter.

"Insofar as that goes, I am in agreement. We cannot, now, have done better in the past, in a retroactive manner. But we can do better at this time and at times future." says Garf, and Rax, being the second youngest polls the vibe and says, "... how?"

"That remains to be seen." mutters Gondy around a mouthful of purple roll and tomato pesto.

That night

Actually it's kind of day but Phalanges works the night shift when there's less people and a lot of the station's life support can be sequentially taken out of service and tested or maintained without having to put a memo out for everyone to hold their bowels for an hour.

Dave's sacked out in bed, rolled up in a duvet. The room's dark with just a little ambient light, a comfortable 16c.

He's set Cat up with a pillow, the laundry bag and the fuzzy blanket that they've been using because Phalanges doens't have a pouch the way a big Atrix does.

Cat is, despite these kindnesses, miserable.

It's way too dark, it smells funny and alien. Cat normally sleep in a comfy little hollow lined with various live plants. This laundry bag is... weird. It's floppy it's too roomy, it moves too much when he tries to lean up against it.

The fur is a weird unsettling texture and the air is just a little too dry. And it's cold.

Frankly Cat is dreading having to use the bathroom again, or deal with weird human notions of scale.

Cat's really wondering why they thought quitting the Atrix community was a smart idea.

Admittedly it was a community that hadn't wanted him and made it dishearteningly clear: One which had been making his life miserable by ostracising him for his entire life, no matter how much effort he put in to co-parenting the hatchlings, maintaining the garden or generally trying to be friendly.

Not having the display skin across his cheeks and forehead just made them all turn their back.

And then... something magical had happened. He'd woken up and found The Best Rock, tucked into his arms as he slept. he'd hidden it well and pondered. None of the other Atrix Of Size would take him, even for this unbelievable, magical treasure. And if he tried he'd lose it to someone within short order.

And then someone had reminded him that technically, for whatever reason, Dave the Human - everyone's good old Aunt Human - had been officially an Atrix Of Size. Even if they were only half the bigness of a real Atrix.

So Cat had taken the opportunity. Anything had to be better than the casual dismissal and hurt... right?

Well not so much. And now Cat is cold and scared and blind and realising they may have just made their life so much worse.

Cat finally falls asleep, exhausted, whimpering softly.

Cat is asleep. He's dreaming of a stony plain: There's no sun, no comforting moss to hide in, and in the distance he can just see everyone walking away, leaving him. No matter how hard he's trying to keep up: The ground is sucking the heat out of him, and the rocks are sharp. If he's left he'll die. There's nothing to hide under from the remorseless, cruel sky, nothing to eat, no cool water. They finally just... left him.

But then the cruel ground vanishes, falling away as though he's being lifted up, into warmth and safety, and he wonder: Is this what it's like to curl up in a pouch?

It's warm and comforting and the sharp stones can't hurt him up here.

Now he's speeding through the air, with the gentle pendulum swing of being carried... And things are looking more lush - There's purple moss and plants and soft lichens. The sky is warmer, less cruel.

Better... They - he and the warm comfort who's carrying him - are catching up to everyone, and if he keeps quiet he can pretend that the warm chatter and rippling colours include him. And at the moment it feels like they really do.

For the first time in a long time, perhaps for the first time, Cat has a name, and nobody seems to notice that he has no colours. He clings on to this dream tighter than he's ever held anything in his life, and it's as though he really is warm.

Phalanges is asleep.

He doesn't feel Cat relax in his arms, tucked up under the duvet: He heard his little guy in softly crying in his sleep.

he never even woke up: Just slithered out, scooped Cat up and vanished under the warm covers.

In his dreams, the halls of the Station are wide. This is normal, as are many things in dream logic. He's walking with two faceless figures - he can't quite place them but for some reason he imagines the skin of an apple breaking. Ahead he sees a friend, cold and lost, and so hurries up and swings a blanket around them with satisfaction, though he can't quite recognise them... but somehow knows them so well.

And tonight almost more than any other night, he sleeps well.

#Phalanges Mitten #Cat Fantastic #Dave the Human #Station Stories #Tsin #Humans being weird little guys #Humans are space orcs #Hug your little guy #That's who you think it was

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shoechoe · 2 months

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i agree, in the court of the crimson king is really good!! i've listened to in the wake of poseidon in full too, i think? i don't remember most of it unfortunately but there are really good ones! i haven't listened to red or lizard in full but i do like a few songs from there too. starless is really good! i've gotta listen to discipline at some point too... matte kudasai is a really pretty song so i wanna see the rest of that album!

personally i like thrak and three of a perfect pair alongside in the court of the crimson king! i don't quite remember everything off them but i really like walking on air, and dinosaur (which i want to make a diavolo related thing to!) from thrak. three of a perfect pair has some good songs too, some of it reminds me of talking heads oddly enough? i guess a band like king crimson has a lot of variety in their music though, and i'm pretty sure it's one of their later albums.

Interesting, I'll keep that in mind. This is also not the first time I've heard Dinosaur be connected to Diavolo. Out of the albums I've heard so far, I thought Starless was the most Diavolo-like song other than, of course, the stuff off of In the Court of the Crimson King.

Discipline is the one I am most excited for as I have heard the most about it. Its cover art is definitely reminiscent of (the stand) King Crimson's design pattern (as my other mutual Dave has pointed out to me before).

I know King Crimson is notorious for having a constantly-shifting lineup, so I expect the sound to shift quite a bit throughout its lifespan. That's a big reason why I want to go in largely chronological order.

This also reminds me that I want to listen to Talking Heads- I have a lot of mutuals that are big fans and I want to see what all the hype is about, lol.

#asks #music #king crimson #mutuals (epic)#short posts

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ionicslime · 9 months

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Excuse me waiter my full name is,

Ionic "im already in cool mode" "tutorial character" "i will get a color role if you beat the path of pain in hollow knight" " @king-of-fuffies do radiant gruz mother" "ADMIN WATCH DAWGS HES TRY TO CHANGE MY COLOR WITHOUT MY CONSENT" "THERE WAS NO BASEMENT! IT WAS THE SECOND FLOOR OF MY HOUSE!" "i don't know what a bong is. WHAT THE FUCK IS A BONG" "there should be a suggestion box on this server. THEY CALL IT THE LITTERBOX" "im going to take an emergency shit" "YOU FORGOT TO PICK UP THE LEGO ON THE FLOOR" "i was the best man AND the pope" "does this look like the face of mercy" "you own him therefore you are responsible for them" "the" "you are the father" "if im a moth do i deal 2 masks of damage" "my body is ready" "if it needs a color role you'll never take me alive" "it was funny but also" "extremely" "extremely" "extremely" "extremely" "cursed" "carleah, not pillar john" "he soaks up more damage that way" "everyone has a horror game dopelganger" "Ruck" "Fuffy get your man’s, He exploded" "I need to find Carleah and steal their liver to take their ability to open the thousand-one year door" "Only then Keane McZupp will explode turning into a bagel at 3 am after ordering the among us happy meal" "ethereal toasters are the only thing that can control toast" "all toasters have secret potato slots" "he is several parallel universes behind" "the internet is a giant mcdonalds" "I’m a ocean" "i cant even throw you, much less pick you up" "he didn't know FedEx had a stand" "funny words magic man" "nothing to see here" "Za Waldo!" "Remember besties, don’t blow stuff in peoples faces unless it’s air kisses, or darts!" "fuffy left me in the car for 4 hours" "There are no mistakey wakeys" "Fuffy I’m like 300% sure you are a pony" "He was pouring out lemonade into the abyss" "**Fuffy was ejected. One Sussy Boy remains**" "The abyss was thirsty" "A funny" "I am not safe for clothes driers" "Can your wall eat a lawn mower" "squirrels do not die at terminal velocity. also theres lizards that fire blood from their eyes as a defense mechanicism" “I bowl like my sexuality: Not straight” "short" "You have 5 minutes to live" "IM A FUCKING CAR KEANE" "\*I mean edgy I mean edgy I mean edgy I mean Edgy" "What is this mario party" "no" "brain issue" "i even crashed your computer" “Seduce the Skeleton!” “Kentucky Fried [REDACTED]” "im scared of my own pasta power sometimes" "He becomes noise pizza tower" "Anything is possible, with the power of Crazy Dave’s Twinkysdinkys" "he eats the golf ball and dies" “Everything is a weapon if you hit someone hard enough” "Happy tale of under unde of tale tdat" "fuffy brain melt. he die" "why are you in my chem textbook" "where is the dinnerbone cat." "Everything is a table." "Was schmoving too hard and bust my ass." "That was just my normal attack. Deploying Unexplainable Gifs" "I am immune to gachas. And they’re immune to me." "Did you know you don’t have organs. The constitution I wrote myself says so." "Go to Burger King" "My attack was so powerful discord crashed" "Fuffy open the door I have 3 sad poems and one sparkler" "If you rearrange final you get fianl" "stop watching cringe and beat the shit out of every boss." “Alright, you’re getting stepped on.” "i am the bio-weapon in youe walls" "*Hello my name is now temporarily humphrey*" "Also I beat up a toaster today," "we got a job to do" Slime

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scorpio-marionette · 2 years

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31 Nights of Head Canons - Night 5

Night 4

A/N: At some point I hope to stop posting these things at 1 in the morning, because if keep doing that I will fall a day behind

Night 5

Who is your favorite villain?

Dio

The Joker from DC Comics would be Dio's favorite villain. Just don't expect him to go advertising it. The choice is way too mainstream for our resident emo-revolutionary, but he can't deny that he, like the character, feeds on the chaos he creates. It is his life and he wouldn't give it up for anything.

Omar

As a fan of the Hobbit, Omar loves Smaug the dragon. He's always had a love for the giant, winged lizards. Smaug was more than that though. He could talk, be doused in melted gold and shake it off with no problem, and see through the invisiblity of the one ring by use of senses. His presence as a character raises so many questions. Where exacly did he come from? How did he actually get inside the Dwarf mines? What happened to the rest of his species? Omar thinks it's a shame there weren't more dragons in the franchise, but none would have compared to Smaug.

Zach

The Organization, or the secret international groups of people who are ritualistically killing people for the Ancients, interests Zach quite a bit. Cabin in the Woods created a very interesting world that he would like to delve down deeper into. After all, the world presumably ended at the of the movie. They could do a prequel to show the origins of the society.

Oberyn

Oberyn respects that sometimes you have to do bad things to get good results. Probably why he gets along with Tyrion. However, Oberyn has no respect whatsoever for BAD MEN. Men, and times women (*cough, cough* Cersei), who truly treat life with so little love and civility are dead in the prince's eyes. They are a waist of breath and good wine.

Marcus Pike

Marcus is more of a hero man himself. There are some cool antagonists out there that he likes. Maybe some anti-heroes, but not really villains.

Max Phillips

Beetlejuice is Max's favorite. He loves the crazy, chaotic, and theatrical nature of the character. He relates quite a lot to the character's behavior and actions. I mean if you think about it, Beetlejuice must be summoned and Max must be transferred before thet can start the death and destruction.

Pero Tovar

Pero can't stand real bad men. He's not going to like a villain. Hell, sometimes I don't he can ever stand himself with all of the wrongs he does.

Javier Peña

That's right. Javi is a Lord of the Rings nerd, and his favorite villian is the giant eyeball in the sky: Sauron! Of course, this character used to have a body and what not, which only makes his story more interesting to Javi. Tolkien does explain some, but what if there's more to than that?

Jack

Muriel, the Grand Black Witch from Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, was surprisingly a favorite of Jack's. She doesn't really do much in the movie, but her presence is memorable. She doesn't let you ignore her when she's on camera. Even if you look away, your eyes return to her. She's also beautiful when not revealing her corrupted face from her years of using black magic.

Ezra

The Domergue Gang from the Heateful Eight tickled Ezra's fancy, as do most stories of Earth's "Wild West Days" usually do. It got him through his time on the Green moon. Hearing how they concocted their scheme makes Ezra feel like a cowboy himself. He thinks he could've done the job better even.

Dave

If Dave ever had to have that awkward attraction to a person you shouldn't find attractive, it would be Missy Armitage, the mom from Get Out. Why? Because of her command over the situation. She's calm, focused, one with her practiced skill, and it's hot! Dave may prefer a submissive woman to pour his dark affections into, but he also loves a strong woman who can take him on.

Frankie

Blackheart, specifically from the 2007 Ghost Rider movie, was a pretty cool character. The powers and goal of the character were fun to watch be revealed. Frankie especially found the possession/absorbtion of all of the souls from the town at the end incredibly interesting. The special effects team did great. The character is different in the comics though.

Max Lord

Max was already the villain in his own story. I don't think he cares to enjoy a villain. Though he will say that Scar from the Lion King has a very catchy song that he cannot get out of his head.

Marcus Moreno

After watching Maleficent with Missy, Marcus likes that they made King Phillip the bad guy. It's an interesting take. Playing with perspective to show that fairy tales, like all stories or news, are onesided and at times fabricated. He's curious to know if Phillip never loved her or if his greatest mistake was letting her go for power of his own.

Din

Din has no time for heroes or villains. The world is far too dangerous for him to indulge in such stories. Besides, what with having his son again, why would he identify with a villain when all he wants is to be a hero to Grogu?

Nico

Lord Blackwood from Sherlock Holmes. Nico loves Sherlock for his cunning wit and obervent gaze. Nico loves Blackwood for his master trickery and use of quite literal magic tricks to conceal his crime. Blackwood is resourceful, creative, and ultimately a mere piece to a bigger mystery.

Dieter

Dorian Tyrell was Dieter's favorite because when faced with a magic mask that could bring out your deepest and at times darkest desires, he had no questions and just went with it. He was also or less completely unphased by the fact that his adversary, was a cartoonish bank teller with weird powers.

Javi Gutierrez

Van Pelt from Jumanji is a favorite of Javi's for much of the same reasons he likes Alan Parrish. Van Pelt represents the strained relationship Alan has with his father. Javi also has a difficult time around his father. He sometimes wishes he could stand up for himself like Alan.

Joel

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is a nostalgic dream for Joel. He loves the comedy in the idea that a giant marchmallow has come to destroy you. Even in a zombie infested world, it still seems super ridiculous. Though he would take the marshmallow over Clickers.

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the-firebird69 · 2 months

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PREDATOR CLIP COMPILATION (1987) Sci-Fi, Arnold Schwarzenegger

youtube

This is one of the most followed series in history and our son explains what it is and people cannot believe it and they keep questioning him or who is this then and what is this and it is a giant Hunter spider attached to a lizard man and they don't want to believe it they don't think it is right and they're disgusted and things like that and they look at it and they say it looks correct and the spiders get teeth like that and look strange like more human and they're thinking it's disgusting and it really is and it's a graft and sold together with a lot of juice it's really a spice and they don't say which one and they did take the project from the son of Mangler and Max could not access it until now they're trying to in a sense of team in and they send the team in with Max in it and you can't tell but they're all Max and Garth and they get killed. He's going to try and find the original crew that they try and retrieve and the guy goes down there and he's has teams but his are great and Trump is the one who arms the crew with his kids brains. A lot of people think it's very gross of him and we do too the guy is a piece of s*** and he needs to be killed and he will be after this and his own family goes after him and he dies a lot and then finally dies fully after Prometheus the movie had enough of them wiping his own family out because he's a delusional pig and he's a moron okay he's delusional means he believes that he runs the computer on Saturday and things like that when he is just a huge loser and he makes fun of our son and people kill him because our son is not to do it is he actually has a team and I think it's Dave and they know that they punish people and they're powerful and Koreans around and doesn't care what the punishment is and punishments are doled out all the time so he does this to his family big surprise and really what it is what an accomplishment what a winner look at the power levels okay f****** around your family and it took over a project since it's a Max want you to do cuz Justin wasn't sick enough to. He arms his family and down there in the jungle looking for the ship it's quite a ship too it's shaped right and it's hard to hit and it's fast and it has special people who encounter it don't make it and this guy has dreams of having actual power and kind of falls for it and goes down to the jungle just fighting people who are forced to be there no leave it down there looking forward to it has a few groups and they're fighting and the found it and Trump says he knew where it was it's not true and he grabs them and puts them into the predator and hopes that people will destroy them and yeah he's stupid cuz it is I'm not doing it but gee wiz you don't deserve it. And a little Sun there becomes the whole thing yeah he deserves it people are nuts and losers your brains go in their body and their body and you end up eating your own people I guess cuz they don't listen to you saying it's you and he says boy that sucks yeah it really does and you guys are smarter than hell are you. And our son says that to them in the last three sentences the last one is good he says you're smarter than hell and he says aren't they and they say not really that's true. So they go through this and then come out of it and they go after Trump relentlessly it's after Harry and the hendersons which is sort of happening off and on anyways and they're eating bear and it doesn't do much

Thor Freya

Olympus

Play all right these bears are turned very vicious real quick out there now and we can't stand them it's a very deadly

Hera Zues

#Youtube

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db-reviews · 2 years

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#108 - In Search Of Space - Hawkwind (1971)

When we talk about space rock the first thing that comes to mind for most people is that more atmospheric side of the genre, say bands such as Pink Floyd or Ozric Tentacles, but not often do we hear about the more experimental, jammy, psychedelic, and krautrock influenced side of the space rock coin. Bands such as 35007, Far East Family Band, and even Gong are such bands that have influenced and evolved through the space rock formation. Though, it would be a shame to not talk about one of the bigger, more underground, and more enriching bands that are Hawkwind.

Formed in the late 60s by Dave Brock, Mick Slattery, and Nik Turner, they've been around for a long, long time, with an album output of mostly every year or so since their debut album. This band and I have a strange history. To me their album output can be very mixed, with some albums I think working well, but some others I feel are mediocre. With such a big discography it is to be expected to find some duds here and there, but I feel like with Hawkwind they can never seem to be truly amazing, but never truly terrible either. They are strange, and hypnotizing, but very easy to break out of their grasp when you feel like it. I have tried to get into them, but I never seem to fully get into their music, no matter how many albums I have heard from them. My thoughts are out of the way, this is their sophomore album after their considerable mediocre first effort, here they fully embrace their jammy, space rock side of things they’ll be highly known for in their career.

How the album starts with a jam session named You Shouldn’t Do That, which takes up most of the first side. Considerably it is a 15+ minute epic that goes for that more psychedelic enriched krautrock flavors, with a tiny bit of jazz-rock influence. To me, this song does capture the adventurous and wild side of space travel, and it succeeds in the aspect of how bouncy and wild it is. The guitars and saxophones mesh well with one another, and I find myself grooving along with all of it in some form or another. Despite being 15 minutes it never feels too long or repetitive. If I had to give a modern example, it’d be The Dripping Tap by King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard. That song is 18 minutes long and in itself is a jam session, however, it never feels too long or arduous to listen to. This is the same feeling I get for this song, the momentum and how it all meshes well together no matter what makes it a great song. The album’s highlight.

However, after this point the album dips in value for me with You Know You’re Only Dreaming. I do like how the guitars and drums create a more structured environment and how the flutes in the back continue the more thematic space apparel the band would be very known for, however, I feel like it never goes anywhere with the idea of what they want to do. Hawkwind, for me, has a problem where they create a good setup, but never fully create a good execution. With the last song, it was fine since it was truly a jam session, something where a golden ending would be obtuse, but with this song, I would love to have some kind of payoff, since it by every aspect of how it has a good start, it should have a good finish, especially when the song isn’t a jam session and more of just a regular song. I bet with this sound they’d make their dues with bigger payoffs, but for what it stands they missed out a bit on this song.

I will say though that Master Of The Universe does make up for You Know You’re Only Dreaming with a more structured, and rewarding song. I think with this song they are truly at their A game. The guitars are crisp, the drums are sound, the bass is lush, the saxophone is weird but good, and the space sounds in the back help add to this track. My main issue with it however is Dave Brock’s vocals. I never really liked Hawkwind for their vocal arrangements, they aren’t awful by any means but I much prefer their more instrumentally sound works than ones where the key feature is the vocals, which they rarely have luckily but even then I still am not a fan of them in that regard. I find his voice to be very monotone and doesn’t reflect on the fun-filled music here, which creates a rather poor flavor to this otherwise good song. It is like, say you are trying a new cookie you got from the store. The bread is good, it’s nice and soft but has a good crunch to it, and it is very sugary and sweet. It’s good, right? Well, sadly there are also raisins and pretty mediocre raisins at that. This metaphor fits into most songs by Hawkwind, a good cookie but it has mediocre raisins in it.

To allow the two sides of the album to be different from each other, side two is more acoustical in style. As you can expect due to this and a lack of focus on most of the more electrical instruments with a softer sound and a distinctiveness in the vocals, you might think I would hate the second side of the album. Well, that isn’t entirely true, but I still do not like the vocals, but I do think they fit better with a more soft psych rock sound. For example the song, We Took the Wrong Step Years Ago. The more folk arrangements do let the vocals fit more in with the song’s mood and atmosphere, but still retain the more fun-filled nature this album all around has. I gotta give credit where credit is due, the band does know how to maintain their more jovial attitude.

While every song I have given at least some praise to, I just cannot with Adjust Me. Where in some parts of songs you can hear a tiny bit of a krautrock sound, here we are fully delved deep into that more avant-garde side of the spectrum. With bands like Faust and Neu where that avant-garde music works well, here I think they fall flat in the mud. It is not fun to listen to, which is a strange thing to say about a Hawkwind song, but it is not interesting either, which is also strange to say about avant-garde music. I can tell this song has inspired a bit more of the weird, and trippy side of psych and space rock, especially with the vibrating guitars and keyboards, but even then I cannot help but think this song was a huge misstep.

Though, despite this misstep, the album does end fairly well with Children Of The Sun. It takes a page from We Took the Wrong Step Years Ago by being a more acoustic song, but it does blend a bit more of that space rock stylization from their other songs. With this, I’d say it ends the album on a pretty good note. The acoustics are all well mixed, and the flute playing here does build more into that nice atmosphere. I am still not a fan of Dave’s vocals, they could be so much better even if they fit into this song.

So at the end of the day, this album is pretty alright. I do like a good deal of the songs here and I think the fun moments here can be plentiful. The issues I have with this album though are also plentiful, and I think they make the album suffer more than it should. It’s an album that I think, at the end of the day, is pretty much ok, but I do see it as an important look at that more fun-filled, and jammy side of space rock that we don’t hear from many people nowadays.

3.5/5

#music review #album review #progressive rock #space rock

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woodchoc-magnum · 2 years

Text

L*ne St*r Hate Watch 3x15

Disclaimer: Hi, if you love the show, please don't read this, have a great day

We're going to need a healthy dose of Eddie Diaz to get through this:

I am completely unspoiled so let's go

Some wannabe outdoorsman has stabbed himself in the thigh.

Okay so here's the situation, because I wasn't going to go into much detail but then the show ramped the grossness level up to 11 so now I have to talk about it – he was trying to stab an "alligator lizard" (no idea what that is) to grill up for his dinner (or, as we call it in Australia, his 'bush tucker'), and the lizard went onto his thigh and he stabbed himself with his big knife.

The twist is that the alligator lizard is currently inside his leg.

Yeah.

Also I'm eating popcorn and regretting choosing to eat whilst watching but anyway mistakes have been made and we just need to continue on

Tommy is using the patented "poke it with your finger" technique for extraction

Owen is still in therapy for his rage

The therapist is going to use "EMDR" on him and I actually know what this is, because my friend is a psychologist, and one time she went on this big rambling thing about how this works and my brain fuzzed out

I love her but it was a lot

Owen has seen a "clown nose" as part of his EMDR therapy and there was a kind of a flashback to a picture of a clown

So this is going to be a whole thing isn't it

Owen has "clown trauma"

We are actually having a second emergency this early in the episode and it's a fire??? Crazy

Okay so there's a dude trapped in the gym in this burning building, and the 911 operator in charge is not Grace – it's the guy from that episode ages ago who Grace absolutely hated. Remember the guy who stole her lunch? That guy.

Anyway so the dude trapped in the fire is not doing well and can't find an exit, things are looking very bleak

The fire is now in the room with the dude and he is saying his goodbyes

When I say bleak I mean bleak

Dude just said "Thanks for trying" and the phone cut out, so… bleak.

Grace is now trying to empathise with the other 911 operator (his name is Dave, I need to remember that) and she's even invited him over to dinner okay interesting

Oh now we're checking in with the world's most healthy couple, and TK has brought home the alligator lizard??? What a moron

Carlos is pissed

Judd and Grace are such wonderful people and they're trying their best to make Dave feel better

Owen is trying to disprove that he has "clown trauma"

(he definitely has a problem with clowns)

Dave has spent the night at Grace and Judd's house uh oh

He is planning to sleep on their couch for a week and JUDD HAS INVITED HIM TO STAY (some kind of a plumbing issue)

Oh god Grace is going to murder them both

He used all the hot water, she's going to kill him

Also it's very obvious that American writers have written this British character (Dave's British) as he has just offered Grace "bangers and mash" for breakfast.

(for the Americans - bangers and mash is sausages and potatoes, it's a meal you would eat for dinner, not breakfast)

Omg I think we're getting another emergency? And guess what you guys – this time it features a clown!

The clown has fallen through a wooden playhouse and Owen is glitching out

A little kid has just called Owen out for being scared to his face, burnnn

Owen is having a full on panic attack

Also this is the first scene Rob Lowe has had with other members of the cast all episode, and in saying that, he is standing well in the background

Marjan and Paul have had approx one line each, Mateo… maybe one or two?

This show does a really bad job of featuring all the cast

Back to the world's healthiest relationship and Carlos still looks so pissed off? Oh shit the alligator lizard has escaped

Well who the fuck didn't see that coming

Because why? TK is a fucking moron

So my question is why the fuck wouldn't they just get like an iguana or some kind of other bearded dragon or something

The lizard is on the lam and Carlos is very, very pissed off

Grace has gone to Tommy's house to get drunk and escape Dave, it's a solid plan

So now their baby has taken her first steps without Judd and Grace there (Dave was babysitting) and Grace is really, really fucking annoyed

Also this baby is how the fuck old and already taking her first steps?

How old are babies supposed to be when they walk anyway - I just googled it and the answer is "between 8 and 18 months old". This show is crazy, that baby isn't even six months old the fuck

Oh great we're back to Owen in therapy

This episode has been super fucking boring ngl

The root of Owen's clown trauma is his father booorrrring

Okay so the dad walked out on the family when Owen was 12, so ten bucks says we're getting a reconciliation by the end of the season

Grace is about to break up with Dave

But also I think Dave is going to break up with Grace first??

He is accusing them of being SMOTHERING this is the FUNNIEST THING EVER

She may actually murder him.

Dave does not want to be around people and honestly? Mood.

He only stayed because he thought they needed it HILARIOUS

Checking in with the happiest couple in the world and Carlos is still pissed off!

Ugh I thought maybe they'd end this on an argument but nope

"I love you and I love how big your heart is" UGH give me a BREAK

He's so pissed off all episode and now it's just like "I love you for rescuing the the lizard" get real

This show remains stupid.

Okay so... yes, there were emergencies in this episode, but the rest of it was really boring.

Interestingly, though, I think Grace and Judd might have the A-plot over Owen this week? If I had to guess I'd say:

A-plot: Grace and Judd (and Dave)

B-plot: Owen & his therapist

C-plot: TK and his lizard

Everyone else (except Gina Torres) had maybe one or two lines each, if that.

And look if this show was just entirely about Grace and Judd living their best lives I'd be totally fine with that - at least their plot was funny.

It's just interesting how Rob Lowe really wasn't in any scenes with anyone else from the cast - except for one scene with Tommy, at the clown emergency, where he stood off to the side. It's crazy how separate he exists from everyone else in the show? Idgi.

Anyway, three episodes to go!

Eddie Diaz to close this thing out:

#lone star hate watch

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thygoddessouijathicc · 1 year

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Care for some Dave Biology updates?

So this isn’t a single theory but more a collection of new ones and explainations of past theories and alternate possibilities, for this I will be going under the same impression as all prior theories; that being that Dave is naturally occurring, and evolved naturally in a similar way to any other creature. Wether he’s from our planet or not is irrelevant because it doesn’t change what I’ll be talking about today.

My first new updated theory is that Dave once had a tail but doesn’t anymore, likely because of cutting it off, or someone else having cut it off. I think I brought this up as a headcanon, but I actually think that it is actually pretty possible given some evidence.

So Dave has a weird posture. His head is always in front of him and slightly off to this side (although I think the off to the side part is just Dave being Dave.) this looks like an unlikely posture to take, as we know his neck has the muscles to be upright yet it’s not. Well, my theory for this is that his neck can’t get any shorter, and due to being heavy it’s easier to just have it hang slightly forward. This causes his species to evolve this weird neck positioning. Cool, so we get his posture but how does that relate to him possibly having had a tail? It seems irrelevant. Except is not.

See heads are rather heavy, and it seems his neck is too, not to mention that it stretches and becomes heavier, so this means that his species would have horrible balance. This would lead to a hunched over posture to accommodate for the weight. See there are a few types of body plans, the most relevant here being quadrupedal and bipedal, while the former is well balanced and rarely needs a huge counterweight, even creatures like giraffes being able to stand fine due to leg distribution, being bipedal is actually more efficient as you have less legs to move allowing the creature to technically travel faster, or at least with less effort, but balance is sacrificed for this. Humans manage fine due to out very straight posture and foot shape, however compared to any quadrupedal animal we are incredibly easy to topple. Now imagine how bad that’d be if our bodies were constantly leaning forward due to the weight of our own heads and that likely in order to eat we had to further throw our bodies off balance to eat if I’m reading Dave’s neck’s likely purpose correctly.

If this were the case, we’d need a counterweight in order to continue to be bipedal. Likely, the answer to this is a large, heavy tail that counteracts the weight of the head and then some. This implies that Dave had a tail, and the fact it isn’t there is likely because it was removed.

For another new theory, Dave isn’t a browser. I may have written a whole essay on the fact he is, but now I’m thinking of an alternate purpose for a long neck, all surrounding the fact Dave doesn’t have ears. I always imagined he has ear holes. That was until I realized that snakes don’t have external ears of any kind, not even a hole, this is one way they can be told apart from legless lizards. So this got me thinking, what if Dave is actually some sort of different solution to the same problem as snakes. This makes sense regardless of if he has ears or not which I’m still on the fence about.

My theory, is that Dave is a large opportunist, but still specialized, predator that mostly hunts by sticking its long neck down into the burrows of prey and slithering along until it finds said prey. It’s an explanation for the neck for sure, but it also makes a lot of sense in other ways. Since they don’t actually just go in the hole like snakes do, their bodies are still vulnerable above ground. If Dave evolved from a browser he wouldn’t ever have evolved. Browsers rarely need communication, or community, and when they do have it it’s for mating, and strength in numbers. It’s why herbivores are unlikely to evolve sentience. Predators are also kind of unlikely, especially large ones with nothing that eats them, as they just don’t need it to defend themselves. But something that is both predatory, and likely to a degree opportunistic given that he evolved he’d have to be, but still is vulnerable due to the fact when hunting it’s exposed and easily attacked, would very much be likely to develop a sort of community, at least a rudimentary one.

My idea for this is that they hunt in groups of at least two, taking turns hunting while one member of the species stays above ground to watch for predators similarly to a meerkat. But how do they decide to go with eachother? It can’t just be mates or parents because then juveniles who have not yet found a mate would die off, thus wiping out the future generation and creating an evolutionary dead end. But what if they formed larger packs and chose to go with different members. But then how do they pick, just on ability alone? Maybe but I imagine it would change. What if, one realizes that if they let another die who doesn’t benefit them, they get more food in the long run, creating the concept of both betray, and of opinions based on others treatment towards them. Which could eventually lead to sentience.

Another more simple theory is on organ placement, this one is kind of dependent on unclear factors, but I think it makes some sense. My theory is that their digestive system is slightly out of order due to the long neck being utilized for an organ similar to a small intestine as well as an asophogus. The reason I think this is because it just feels simple and easier and they have a long tube down to their stomach so it would be a waste not to use it and would just make it take longer for them to get nutrition if this isn’t the case.

Another theory is a very simple one based on the tapes and the snake theory. Dave has a second ring around his pupil which is unique only to him and thus must be a species thing because for all other characters with glowing eyes, the pupils match up better to those of a human. My theory is that his eyes naturally do actually have a second ring of pupil in order to see better by taking in more light, they also likely are reflective.

My next theory is about the claws and their purpose. Dave has talons on his hands like an iguana, but why does he need them? This further supports the snake theory actually as one easily understandable purpose is to plant him into the ground better when hunting.

Finally, Dave might have fangs. He doesn’t visibly although his teeth do look a little sharp, but he might have filed them down. If he is snake like, he probably kills in a similar way. Now he might or might not have venom, I personally think it’s likely, but this makes sense anyway if he doesn’t. In order to kill his prey he has to bite it to death, since if I’m correct about how he hunts that means his mouth is the only weapon he has to use to hunt. This implies long canines line a snake to bite down on necks, or inject venom.

These are some weird theories but I really like analyzing this guy’s biology.

#dsaf #dayshift at freddy's #dsaf dave #dsaf davetrap #dave biological analysis #DSaF rationals #Yea I think he’s like a snake now.#Deal with it

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unwhitewashthebadbatch · 3 years

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Disney Email Draft 2

(going under a cut because it's much longer. Here is the Google Doc link for anyone who would like to comment directly)

Reminder that we are encouraging critiques and comments regarding this email!

To Bob Iger, Kathleen Kennedy, Dave Filoni, Jennifer Corbett, and the creative team of Star Wars: The Bad Batch:

We hope this email finds you all well. We are fans of color, disabled fans, neurodivergent fans, and Jewish fans writing out of concern for the portrayal of our communities in the Disney+ series Star Wars: The Bad Batch. For several months now, we have been campaigning on social media to spread awareness about these concerns through #UnwhitewashTBB, a movement we began to raise awareness about the ways in which the series has poorly represented several minoritized groups of people.

Just like the creators of Star Wars: The Bad Batch, all of the creators of #UnwhitewashTBB grew up with Star Wars as the backbones of their childhoods, and for many of us, Star Wars: The Clone Wars was crucial to our development as artists, writers, creators, and lifelong Star Wars fans. We are all firm believers in the phrase “Star Wars is for everyone”, and we would like to see Disney support that message by hearing our plea.

As fans of color, as disabled fans, as neurodivergent fans, and as Jewish fans, we’ve seen ourselves on screen in both good and bad ways, but recently it has been more the latter than the former. One such reason is Star Wars: The Bad Batch, a show whose premise piqued many fans’ interest, but whose main cast has left an increasingly sour taste in the mouths of those who watched.

The series follows an elite squad of clone troopers who have named themselves The Bad Batch, due in part to their series of mutations that gives them an edge over regular clones on the battlefield. These mutations drastically altered the appearance of each of the members to a generally lighter, more Caucasian appearance--one that is inconsistent with how the original Jango Fett actor Temuera Morisson looks. Fans take issue with the implications in the writing and design of The Bad Batch: that in order to be elite, special, and better than one’s contemporaries--in order to have a story worth telling--one must also be white or as close as possible.

Merriam-Webster defines whitewashing as “to alter (something) in a way that favors, features, or caters to white people: such as to alter (an original story) by casting a white performer in a role based on a nonwhite person or fictional character” The #UnwhitewashTBB movement comes with two carrds explaining the grievances of the fans. A summary for each character is given below:

Sergeant Hunter, the leader, closely resembles Sylvester Stallone’s Rambo character, despite being a clone of a man of color. The importance of his character, the fatherliness he has with Omega, and his centrality to both their Season 7 appearance in The Clone Wars and the series itself sends the message that important people look

Wrecker is the demolitions expert, and he’s the only member of The Bad Batch with features similar to that of a Maori man’s, like Temuera Morrison/Jango Fett. He’s large with broad features, brown skin, and is a stereotype of men of color. His personality as first introduced to the audience was that of a loud, aggressive, impatient, slow man who called frequently for violence/destruction. He falls into the “Loveable Brute” trope, an observation that is supported by statements from supervising director Brad Rau and voice actor Dee Bradely Baker that Wrecker is like a little boy and has a heart of gold.

Crosshair is the sniper on the team, and he’s the most derisive of the “regs”--the regular clone troopers. Taken in conjunction with his appearance (inspired by Clint Eastwood), the various messages being sent by the writing and appearance of the other team members, and his comment about the regular troopers--the he and the Batch are superior and thus should join the Empire--his character pushes forth a message that there is superiority inherent in whitened or fully white features.

Tech, the technology specialist, has incredibly light skin and hair compared to the regular clones. His mutation made him a genius, with an IQ that outpaces that of any other clone in the Republic. Fans of color are upset that Tech’s genius mutation apparently also affected his skin color, as now this creates a direct link between intelligence and appearance/race. Contrast Tech with Wrecker, who is the exact opposite in every way, and this harm becomes only more apparent. In addition to this, many Autistic fans of The Bad Batch have noted that Tech, being “on the spectrum” (according to Dee Bradley Baker) is a popular stereotype of Autistic people: a nerdy-looking white man with a formal way of speaking who’s a genius but dismissive of others’ feelings. Baker also plays Tech with a British accent, further cementing the harmful message that intelligence is in some way connected to ethnicity.

Omega is the newest member of The Bad Batch. Despite being a pure Jango clone, she’s come out looking nothing like Boba Fett--she has lighter skin than he does, as well as blonde hair. Fans are concerned about the connection between genetic purity and light skin/blonde hair, as this is directly harmful to the people of color who don’t sport those features.

Echo is the ARC Trooper of the team, but many fans--disabled fans especially--fear that his series of disabilities have reduced him to the “droid sidekick”. Echo does not have a prosthetic, instead sporting a scomp-arm attachment that allows him to plug into computers but would otherwise hinder him greatly in daily tasks. He rarely is the focus of an episode, and the series has not given him as much attention as it has given characters like Hunter and Omega. Disabled fans worry about the lack of attention given to his medical trauma, and fans of color note that his skin color goes beyond what a brown man who’s been without sunlight for a few months would look like.

The issues do not stop here. Asian fans noticed and were harmed by a Tiananmen Square parallel in 1x10, “Common Ground”--a recreation that was led by an Eastern Asian-coded woman. Jewish fans are hurt by the antisemitic stereotype in Cid the broker, a greedy lizard woman who speaks with an accent commonly associated with New York Jews--and who is played by Jewish actress Rhea Perlman. Black fans were harmed by the whitewashing in Saw Gererra and the one other Black character in The Bad Batch being a Black woman who works for the Empire and burns civilians alive.

The full analyses can be found in the official #UnwhitewashTBB carrd: unwhitewashthebadbatch.carrd.co. We respectfully ask that you read this carrd and give a public statement in response to these criticisms.

Our movement has only gained traction since its inception on March 30th, 2021. A few months later, we wrote and released an open letter on Change.org to be signed by supporters of #UnwhitewashTBB, and every day it gains new signatures and draws nearer to the next milestone. A survey we released over a month ago has received over 1,100 responses and also continues to climb. The latter displays a range of opinions regarding The Bad Batch, but one sentiment stands out: Hunter, Crosshair, Tech, Wrecker, Omega, and Echo are written in stereotypical and actively harmful ways. Respondents were shocked at outdated portrayals of Autism, sickened by antisemitic stereotypes, and confused at how, in this current social and political climate, a family-friendly corporation like Disney could greenlight a series that sends a message that is the complete opposite of “Star Wars is for Everyone”. Some sample responses are below:

“I would just like to elaborate on the ableism aspect. As a amputee myself, I don’t like how Echo’s trauma has been ignored. The whole reason he is with the BB is because of what he went through. Losing one limb, never mind multiple, it’s extremely difficult. They made it seem like just because his prosthetic can be of use on missions, that means he isn’t grieving the loss of his actual hand. There is no healing or evolution. It also feels wrong to only address the fact that echo uses prosthetics for the sake of hacking into machinery. Prosthetics are so personal and become a real part of who you are as a person.” - Respondent 130

“...I can't believe Star Wars is still doing this, and that an entire team of animators with a huge budget can't get skin tone right. I didn't even know the clones were supposed to have a NZ Māori accent until a friend told me. That's a big deal, since I live in NZ and hear it every day…” - Respondent 209

“As someone who is neurodivergent myself, Tech and Wrecker just. sting, you know? in a “is that really what you think of us” kind of way. I grew up in an environment where intersectional equality was heavily discussed, and I can still miss things. Having Jewish friends does not mean that Cid’s antisemitic implications can’t go right over my head until someone points them out (thank you).” - Respondent 87

“As a fan of color, its irritating and painful to watch and be brushed off as "lighting issues" and see justifications made by white fans and producers...It also feels very bad to me that TCW spent 7 seasons with several arcs emphasizing that the clones were all as individual as a 'normal' person, but then undo all that with TBB, which centers a group of "special" clones (who are suspiciously white) and have them treat the "regs" as a homogeneous group who are lesser than them, and then expect us to find it within ourselves to put that aside to enjoy the MCs. The way the treat "regs" is very offputting and it made me dislike them since their introduction...Star Wars is no stranger to racist and antisemitic media, but I must say, the blantancy of Sid, a greedy lizard who essentially financially enslaves the protaganists, being Jewish-coded and being protrayed by a Jewish voice actress is really next-level even for Star Wars. As a Jewish fan, it really grates on me.” - Respondent 40

“I’m disabled and autistic, and the ableism is appalling to watch. Watching Echo be treated as subhuman for needing machinery to survive makes me feel like having implants to keep my spine from breaking itself would have me be the pitied member of any group. I am disgusted by the blatant antisemitism, as a fair number of my friends are Jewish and it hurts me to think that people can so easily hate others based on internalized stereotypes. Me and my friends have also critically analyzed the fact that, despite being clones of a character portrayed by Temuera Morrison, for some reason the bad batch look nothing like him in any way. No resemblance in any way: just a bunch of someone’s badly worked characters fraught with disgusting writing decisions and design choices that make no sense. It makes me angry to think that the writers for this show, and to an extent any modern writer, would believe that using harmful tropes to make a story is acceptable and someone brings in profit. I tried to watch it out of fact that my family likes Star Wars and we all grew up watching it, but all of these unhealthy assumptions and terrible choices in terms of writing and design leave a bitter and nauseating feeling.” - Respondent 605

In the survey, various questions were asked about fans’ feelings about The Bad Batch. Before reading the carrd, 34.7% of fans answered that writing was their least favorite aspect of the series, with the next being the main characters. Elaborations in the following free write made clear that the whitewashing and stereotypical writing were huge factors of these opinions. One a 1 to 5 satisfaction scale, 68.1% of respondents rated their satisfaction at a 3 or lower--again, due to the whitewashing and other issues respondents perceived in The Bad Batch. When asked to analyze pre-post carrd-reading feelings regarding the above issues, every category saw a marked increase in awareness of the issue at hand. The perceived prominence of the whitewashing went from 81.3% to 91.4% in respondents. The awareness of ableism jumped almost 30%, from 52.6% to 84.4%. The majority of respondents (59%) were not aware of the antisemitism in the series, but after reading the carrd, that statistic flipped to 80.5%, a near 60% increase from the original 26.7%. Regarding the other racist issues, the respondents went from 63.1% to 83.7%.

Fans of color, neurodivergent fans, disabled fans, and Jewish fans have been waiting for the day where we can see ourselves on screen a level of attention and care that makes us feel even more at home in the Star Wars community . If Disney’s message is truly family-friendly, if Star Wars is for everyone, then Disney needs to support these views with not just words, but with actions. Resolve the racism in Star Wars: The Bad Batch, take out the antisemitism, and treat your nonwhite, disabled, and neurodivergent characters--and fans--with the respect and dignity they deserve.

This will not be a benefit solely to the fans who are asking to be represented properly. In today’s time, popular media is facing a reckoning; media that is inclusive of and respectful towards minoritized groups ends up with leagues more popularity, high ratings, and good reviews than those that don’t. A recent and prominent example is Shang-Chi and the Legend of the Ten Rings, a movie for which the inclusion of Asian-Americans at nearly all levels of production boosted its image and aided in its successful box office release. Black Panther is another prominent example--a movie spearheaded by Black people that completed its box office run at more than five times its initial budget in total revenue. The proper representation of people of color is a two-fold benefit.

Star Wars: The Bad Batch already has beautiful animation that reminds many longtime Star Wars: The Clone Wars fans of their childhood.

It is our hope that you will take our concerns as well as the concerns of others into account, and address the issues that we have outlined in order to better reflect the Walt Disney Company’s commitment to inclusive, diverse entertainment for audiences of all ages. Thank you for your attention to this issue.

Respectfully,

Fans of The Bad Batch

#mod CH #email #disney #star wars #the clone wars #the bad batch #unwhitewashtbb #swtbb #racism #antisemitism

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st1ckart1zt · 2 years

Text

The Lost Princess and The Thief Chapter 10

Henley was still being led to her execution. She thought it was all hopeless, but then she saw a tiny unicorn figurine. Before she could question it, all of the doors slammed shut.

“What’s all this?” Hershell asked.

He knocked on a door. “Hello! Could you let us in? We have a young lady to hang.”

Hattie (Hat Girl) was on the other side, and she looked through the bars on the door.

“What’s the password?” she asked.

“What?” Hershell asked.

“Incorrect,” Hattie replied.

“Open Up!” Hershell shouted.

“Not even close,” said Hattie.

“I’ll give you three seconds! One…” Hershell began.

Since he wasn’t facing Henley and the guards, he didn’t see when Johnny was pulled through a hole in the ceiling.

“Two…..” he continued.

Dave was pulled through a door, and his helmet landed on the ground. The noise caused Hershell to turn around.

“Three?” he finished.

He was shocked to see Henley standing alone. Hershell stood there in confusion, and Reynaldo snuck up behind him and hit him with a frying pan, knocking him out.

“I fucking love this thing!” he smiled.

“Frying pans. Who knew, right?” Henley asked.

More guards came charging in. Reynaldo grabbed Henley’s hand and pulled her down a hallway. The guards chased after them, but they stopped when they saw Tintin standing in the middle of the hall. He acted like he was in an invisible box, then he looked off into the distance. The guards saw TRNK charging towards them. TRNK tackled the guards, and then he managed to overtake them.

Reynaldo and Henley ran onto the roof, where more guards were running. Sir Wilford IV pulled Henley over, and she stood on one end of a cart.

“Okay, head down,” he said.

“Head down,” Henley repeated.

“Arms in,” Wilford added.

“Arms in,” Henley stated.

“Knees apart,” Wilford finished.

“Knees apart,” Henley said, as she got into position.

“Wait, why the hell do I need to keep my knees-,” she began.

She was cut off when TRNK jumped on the other side of the cart, and sent Henley flying into the air. Henley braced for impact, but she landed on Rupert. The horse gave her a knowing smile.

“Rupert? You brought them here?” Henley asked.

Rupert nodded.

“Thank you, really. But seriously, let’s go save Charlotte.”

Rupert ran towards the castle wall, then he jumped off of it. He landed on the roof of a building, slid down, then he and Henley rode off into the forest.

They reached the tower. Henley jumped off of Rupert and ran over to it.

“Charlie!?” she called.

“Charlie, let down your hair!”

When she got no response, Henley started to climb up the tower. However, Charlie’s long, blonde hair streamed out of the window. Henley smiled and grabbed on, then she began to climb. She pulled herself through the window.

“Charlie! I’m so happy to see-,” she began till she stopped when she saw that Charlie was chained up and gagged.

Terrence used this as an opportunity to stab Henley in the chest. Henley shouted in pain before collapsing to the floor. Charlie let out a muffeled scream.

“Look what you made me do, Charlie. Well, I guess this works out. Our secret will die with this bitch,” Terrence said as he walked over to Charlie and grabbed the chain.

“And we are going somewhere where no one will find you again!”

In an attempt to help Charlie, Ellie ran over and bit the low part of Terrence's coat. He effortlessly kicked the lizard away. Charlie continued to resist as Terrence dragged her over to the secret exit.

“Charlie! Stop fighting me!” Terrence shouted, as Charlie’s gag became loose.

“No! I’ll never stop! Ever! I’ll fight you for the rest of my life! I’ll keep trying to get away from you!” Charlie shouted.

“But...if you let me save Henley, I’ll go with you.”

“Charlie….don’t,” Henley said.

“I won’t run, I won’t try to escape. If you let me heal her, we can be together. Forever and always, just like you want. I promise. Just like you want. Please. Let me heal her,” Charlie pleaded.

“....Fine,” Terrence stated as he freed Charlie, and used her chains to latch Henley to the stairway.

“Just to make sure you don’t follow us,” Terrence smirked.

Charlie ran over to Henley as soon as Terrence stepped out of the way.

“Henley! Henley, I am so so sorry. This is all my fault,” she apologized as she saw the wound on Henley’s chest.

“Everything will be okay. I promise. You’ll be alright.”

“Charlie, I can’t let you do this,” Henley said.

“And I can’t let you die,” Charlie replied, as her eyes began to cry little bit.

“But if you do this, you’ll die,” Henley replied as Charlie placed a hand on her cheek.

“Don’t worry about me. Everything is gonna be okay,” she said.

She was about to start singing, but Henley stopped her.

“Charlie...wait,” she said as she placed a hand on Charlie’s face and leaned in.

For a moment, the brown thought that the two of them were about to kiss. But Henley actually used a shard of the broken mirror to cut Charlie’s hair. As soon it was cut her hair lost the power

“Henley?” Charlie asked.

“NO!” Terrence creamed as he tried grabbing locks of Charlie’s hair off the ground, but it already lost the power. “What the fuck have you done?!”

Terrence looked at his reflection in the cracked mirror, and he saw that he was aging by the second. He pulled his hood over his face so that he wouldn’t have to look at himself. He stumbled over to the window. Ellie grabbed an end of a lock of hair on the floor. Terrence tripped over it and fell out of the window, turning into dust before he could even hit the ground.

Charlie felt a pain in her chest. While Terrence was evil, she was still the only father Charlie ever had. Charlie ran over to Henley, who was just barely holding on.

“Henley! Henley, I’m right here. Stay with me! Please!” she exclaimed as she placed Henley’s hand onto her hair and started frantically singing.

“Flower gleam and glow, let your powers shine...”

“Charlie, you were my new dream,” Henley whispered.

“A-And you were mine.” Charlie said as she started to cry

After giving Charlie a faint smile, Henley died in her arms. Charlie continued to cry, and she sang her song again.

“Heal what has been hurt. Change the fate’s design. Save what has been lost. Bring back what once was mine,” she sang.

She knew it was hopeless. Now that her hair was cut, its powers were too. Charlie lost the only person who truly cared about her. As she cried, her tears fell onto Henley's face.

Suddenly, Henley began to emit a yellow glow. Light poured out from her. Then, just as soon as it started, it stopped. Henley’s eyes fluttered open.

“Charlie?” she asked.

“Henley?” Charlie gasped.

“Your hair is really pretty,” Henley said, as she smiled sightly.

Charlie smiled and gave Henley a hug. Finally, the both of them shared that long awaited kiss.

Later, Henley and Charlie went to the castle to reunite Charlie with her parents. Hubert and Mercedes looked the girl over. They almost thought it was too good to be true, but they realized she really was their daughter. They all cried tears of joy, then the three of them hugged.

Henley watched from the side; happy that Charlie had finally found the place where she belonged. Mercedes smiled and held out a hand to Henley. Henley took it, and Mercedes pulled her into their hug.

The kingdom rejoiced. Their lost princess had returned. The party lasted an entire week, and a few people wound up not remembering most of it. Everyone’s dreams started coming true. Sir Wilford IV became the world’s most famous pianist. Right eventually found true love, a boy named Reginald Copperbottom. Thanks to Rupert, crime in the kingdom disappeared almost overnight. Most of the apples did too.

At last, Charlie was home, and she finally had a real family. She was a princess worth waiting for. Beloved by all, she led her kingdom with all the grace and wisdom that her parents did before her. As for Henley, she put an end to her life of crime. Charlie and Henley eventually got married, and the two of them lived happily ever after.

The End

12 notes · View notes

softforklave · 3 years

Text

The Big Klave Fic Rec

Reginald Hargreeves does everything he can to learn about the Umbrella Academy’s powers, but Klaus is the one who finds out why they have their powers. No one expected the answer to be “we’re fallen angels” but here they all were. This is for my lovely @cemeteryklaus I hope you enjoy this! You will not run out of klave fics on my watch ;)

I have excessively been reading klave fics since s1 came out in February 2019, when there was only one page under the Klaus Hargreeves/Dave tag on ao3 (before our King shared his full name on Twitter). There are currently 2056 fics on ao3, and I can (un)fortunately say I have read almost all of them (what am I doing with my life?). Klave has been blessed with so many talented writers, so this is quite the list. Many of them have written more than one fic (some even over 50!), and since they are all amazing, it would take ages to list them all. Therefore, I have decided to recommend authors who have written two or more klave fics and linking to their the umbrella academy ao3 works page. Go read all of their works, and I can guarantee that every single fic is wonderful! And dont forget to leave kudos and comments, our writers deserve all the love and appreciation that we can give them!

I also highly encourage people reblogging with their favourite fics, if you want to show the writers some more love or if I have forgotten your favourite fic (you can also dm me if you want me to add it on)! I have tried to @ the authors, but sometimes it can be hard to find the right blogs. Please let me know if I have tagged you wrong, forgotten to tag you or dont want me to tag you, I will remove the @ at once! I will try to update this as I continue to excessively consume klave content (though this is limited to ao3 and tumblr), so please come back to this list for more recommendations. Happy Reading! <3

Authors (2 or more klave fics)

A - B

a_nybodys /// accidentallyanoctopus /// actuallymaxie ///admirabletragedy @admirabletragedy /// aelisheva /// AliNear /// Allandnothing /// allthempickles /// Ama /// Anglophile_Rin @anglophile-rin /// aubrey_writes /// aye_of_newt @aye-of-newt /// bacondoughtnut @spookybeez /// Becca_Hay /// Bendy_CA @apocalypse-gang /// bennybentacles @bennybentacles /// blazeofglory /// Bluebacchus @bluebacchus /// bluetigerlillies @frogsarebxtches /// brionylarkin @brionylarkin

C - E

CaptainAmericaoftheTardis /// CharryWotter /// covenofthearticulate @codenameseance /// CowgayKermit @cowgaykermit /// crisecardiac @thistlemoth /// Cyane /// Dancinbutterfly @dancinbutterfly /// dandelyre @dandelyre /// deargalileo/// deathishauntedbyhumans @deathishauntedbyhumans /// discohargreeves /// Doctor959 /// Dog_Bearing_Gifts @dogbearinggifts /// Drhair76 @handcoversheart-76 /// dyllpickless @dyllpickless /// electric016 @electric016 /// Eternal_Peace_Is_Overrated @flowercrownsandbooks

F - K

Faetality @faetxlity /// forestdivinity (ForestDivinity) @forestdivinity /// forthekidswhoaintgotnosoul @prime8svevo /// FrazzledSquidz G33kinthepink /// ghostbythesea @gay-poster-child /// goldieknocks @goldieknocks /// Hemitreunited @hermitreunited /// hippieklaus @hippieklaus /// hujwernoo /// iamnotalizard @lizard-overlord /// ilikeshipment @theseance1968 /// intheflowers /// Karturtle (karturtle) @karturtle /// Katplanet @katplanet /// KawaiiCommunism @kawaiic0mmunism /// KindaCool @kindasickkindacool /// klausmoon

L - P

lastyoungrene-gay-de @lastyoungrene-gay-de /// livid /// LiviJoyann /// livtontea @zontiky /// loves_buckybarnes /// Lyviel @justatiredghost /// Majure @fanthings /// Mars_and_Moon /// mieczyhale @mieczyhale /// momebie (katilara) @charmingpplincardigans /// noodlerdoodler /// MusicLover19 /// Nyctae /// obscurityofphylum /// ohmygodwhy @gaycinema /// Opal_Lakes /// @opal-lakes /// ophelibob_writes @a-human-pippin-took /// Papapaldi @wykart/// perceptuallydisorganizedwriter /// PickledBeef @pickledbeefwastaken /// polarkai /// princejoopie @princejoopie /// punk_rock_yuppie

Q - S

queenbaskerville /// QueenOfAllCorgis /// rumbleroarsslumberingcubs /// Scalliwag @sscalliwag /// seancequeen @seancequeen /// sehn_sucht @sehn----sucht /// SerpaSas @queenbeyondthewalll /// Shadowscast /// Shamefulshameless @shameful-shameless /// Sharpworksamurai/// shipNslash /// Siriuspiggyback @cowboyklaus /// Smallswritesstuff @mychemicalxmen /// smile_it_will_get_better @smileitwillgetbetterbitches /// softforklave @softforklave (shameless self promo) ///spookyfbi @spookyfbi /// stuckinmybook /// Squintern @chinchillinator /// squishitude @squishitude /// sunriseseance @sunriseseance /// sunshineklaus

T - Y

tealeavesandtrash @carry-on-my-wayward-hobbit /// thefangirlingdead @thefangirlingdead /// TheMadHatterOfficial /// thetreasuerhunter @yeah-klave /// tjstar @i-seeaspaceshipinthe-sky /// TobiBooneTheSmallSpoone @tobiboonethesmallspoone/// TotallynotRemus @totallynotremus /// TwistedIllusions @courtneytarynofficial /// twosidedcoin /// VeteranKlaus @veteranklaus /// wildeism @knifecatklaus /// writer_inthe_dark /// yukiawison /// zweebie

Fics (authors with currently only one klave fic)

Placeholder by Ace_Chey (mrs_sakuma) @cheydoesfandom

PLEASE NOTE: THIS IS A FIRST DRAFT WIP, EXPECT MISTAKES IN SPELLING, GRAMMAR, AND TIMELINES after NaNo I plan to edit and republish a cleaner, more complete version in 2021 ~~~

When Klaus sees the news that their father is dead, they’re feeding their seven-month-old daughter, Grace Kelly Katz, one year sober, and finally back on T (prescribed this time). Their siblings still haven't met Dave, let alone Gracie, and Klaus can't bear the thought of introducing them, not now, under these circumstances, so they go alone. But when the family reunion becomes complete with Five's sudden and bizarre arrival, not from 45 years in a wasteland, but directly from the lunch he ran away from 20 years ago, they realize things are going to get more complicated and they might not be able to put it off any longer.

Words: 58,217 Chapters: 36/? Status: Hiatus

Snapshots of a Life Well Lived by Ace_of_Spades_400

One week into Vietnam and the briefcase is broken. Klaus is never going home. He's just going to have to make the most of his life here, now.

Words: 13,960 Chapters: 3/3 Status: Complete

Run for miles just to get a taste by Agf

Dave comes back to 2019, and Klaus has some memories best exorcised with new ones.

Words: 1,666 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Not a Replacement, Never a Replacement by AndThenHeGotKnockedUp

Klaus hasn't piloted a Jaeger in years. He hasn't wanted to without Ben. He's spent all that time wandering far, far away from anything having to do with the Academy and kaiju.

Unfortunately for him, the world is ending, and Luther doesn't give him a choice.

(Pre-Klave! Will have a follow up in the future.)

Part 1 of the UA PacRim Fusion series

Words: 2,625 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

soldiered together by Anonymous

"... I was foolish enough to follow him all the way to the front line."

Words: 2,993 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

know tenderness by applepandowdy

Klaus wished, more than anything, that they had just had a bit more time.

Words: 1,266 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

whatever words I say, i will always love you by ariya167 and bigembarrasingheart @ariya-167and @bigembarrassingheart

Dave kissed Klaus first, but Klaus kissed him back.

Words: 921 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

if i could choose anything in the world (id pick you every time) by aseriesofessays @macroglossus

"Would you have come back?"

He thinks about a farm.

Words: 588 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

The Boy and The Ghost by Astheroid

“Look for me. Promise me Dave, promise you’ll look for me at the Umbrella Academy!”

Dave never knew what those words meant, the parting words of the man he loved, and they made absolutely no sense.

Until thirty-four years later when he found his purpose.

“Our world is changing. Has changed. There are some among us gifted with abilities far beyond the ordinary. I have adopted six such children. I give you the inaugural class of the Umbrella Academy.”

or story of ghost Dave finding thirteen year old Klaus and swearing to protect him from all evil.

Words: 4,494 Chapters: 2/? Status: WIP

new year, new me (things always turn out how they’re meant to be) by Astronomical_Aphrodite @aesthetic-antheia

When they travelled back through time, Klaus wasn’t expecting to be the only one who remembered.

Part 1 of maybe by next January

Words: 80,770 Chapters: 18/20 Status: WIP

Five times Klaus dies in Vietnam and comes back, and One time Someone else does by BabyPom

Klaus can't seem to die, at least not permanently.

Words: 1,169 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

How The Hollyhocks Bloom by batcavemasquerade

In which Klaus Hargreeves, a retired pacifist, is dumped headfirst into the Vietnam War. Klaus never comes home and his brothers and sisters claw their way back to him, one by one, after the end of the world.

AKA: The siblings go back to the 1960s to regroup and to get a few measly moments of goddamned peace and quiet, and find Klaus serving in the Vietnam War, different and sober as can be.

Words: 24,035 Chapters: 16/20 Status: WIP - Chapter 16 is the new chapter 1. For the rewrite, read from 16 and upwards.

i hope you know you're my desire (i hope you know you're the one) by beezran

It must be fate when Dave puts his hand on Klaus’ cheek right as Klaus starts to ache for his kiss.

Kiss me.

His touch makes Klaus stand up straighter and edge closer to him.

“You’re beautiful, you know?” Dave says, and even with all that they’ve been drinking, Klaus knows it isn’t that what’s talking.

“Kiss me,” Klaus actually says it. He can’t take it back, and he doesn’t want to when Dave is looking at him like that.

Dave’s breath ghosts over his lips and Klaus keeps repeating it in his head like a prayer.

Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me. Kiss me.

Or he might have said it, he’s not sure when he’s so caught up in the feeling of Dave so close to him.

Words: 22,708 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Arcane Incidents of Anoxia by Bellovebug

Klaus dies.

Klaus dies, and Dave can't breathe.

He forgets what it's like, the feeling of oxygen entering his lungs, the sensation of carbon dioxide exiting them.

He remembers, though, the stories Klaus used to tell. He remembers that joke he'd made about that briefcase he always carried around being a time machine. He remembers the tall tales of a family of superpowers, a less than stellar father. He remembers the stories he'd spun out of thin air, of time travel and a disappearing brother and a talking chimpanzee and a robot mother.

(He remembers the true story he'd told about seeing ghosts.)

He only learns once he opens that mysterious briefcase under Klaus's cot that all of the stories were true.

Every one of them.

Words: 22,075 Chapters: 4/? Status: WIP

life is full of pain, i'm cruisin' through my brain by bigembarrassingheart @bigembarrassingheart

Bullets whizzed past his ears, and he would have screamed but he already was. Klaus grabbed Dave’s face, stroked his cooling cheek, rested his head on his shoulder like he did when they had nights alone. There had to be some life left in his body. In any second he would feel the heave of his chest. He had to.

Klaus takes a pit stop before going back to the future.

Words: 1,188 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

found by burlesquecomposer

Klaus’s right hand is Dave’s favorite one to hold. As long as they embrace hello, Dave says, they’ll never have to say goodbye.

But war is a bitch, and Dave is the one who gave him an excuse to charge into it head-on.

Words: 2,628 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

You Drew Stars Around My Scars by caliibee

“Does it hurt?” Klaus asked softly, running his fingers over Dave’s face and down his neck. He trailed down his chest, mindful of the deep-set wound that always sent a shock through his heart no matter how many times he’d seen it. Dave caught his hands and brought them back up to cup his face.

“No, not anymore.”

Words: 792 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

The Umbrella Academy: Winter Soldier by chiquitasdave and ratsbaby (orphan_account)

Luther lands an uppercut to the jaw, sending the soldier flying, and Diego’s moving before he even lands. His grip on Klaus tightens and his mouth opens to say something, anything, to pull him back to the safety of the car they crouch behind, but Klaus beats him to the punch. He leans forward to better watch the action, to cheer his brother on (or clean up his remains, depending on how this goes), and stops cold as the soldier pushes himself to his feet again.

Klaus' first thought is that he’s beautiful. Klaus’ second thought is that he knows him.

The threat of danger is sensed and signals fire to tell the brain, no, not yet! We weren’t meant for this! He can’t take it now! The body reacts to stop him, but Klaus steps forward anyway. He ignores every impulse because he knows him, because love makes him stupid, because he has to.

Klaus takes another step forward.

‘Dave?’

‘Who the hell is Dave?’

Words: 13,120 Chapters: 3/10 Status: WIP

I Could Not Be At Rest, I Could Not Be At Peace by CosmicJourney @cosmictapestry

With the apocalypse delayed, there's now ample opportunity for Klaus to open up to his siblings about his past. There's also ample opportunity to try and conjure Dave. Unfortunately, one of these has to take precedence over the other.

(Season 1 AU)

(Sequel to "I'll Find Sleep, I'll Find Peace")

Words: 52,274 Chapters: 10/10 Status: Complete

Sick Of Losing Soulmates by CrazyAngel

"Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidences."

Back in 2019, things are the same but also different. The Hargreeves have messed with the timeline way too much and some things clearly aren't the same — like giving the chance for Klaus to meet Dave again. Klaus knows nothing about reincarnation or if it was really he and his brothers fault for this, but he'll take the chance anyway. Even if this Dave is blind now.

Part 1 of the Right Back Where We Started (Again) series

Words: 26,417 Chapters: 6/6 Status: Complete

Admist the Chaos by crazynadine

Ten months. Klaus spent ten months in Vietnam, fighting a war he didn't belong in, falling in love with a man he didn't deserve.

The long and convoluted tale about how a time traveling junkie and a disillusioned solider found love amidst the chaos of war....

Words: 87,700 Chapters: 10/10 Satus: Complete

The beginning of something by DoctorProfessorSong @doctorprofessorsong

The Hargreeves siblings find themselves in a future they barely recognize. Their father is alive. Their home is occupied by a mixture of strangers and familiar faces calling themselves The Sparrow Academy. None of them are friendly.

But it's all going to be okay. Five has a plan to restore the timeline. The rest of the siblings just need to sit tight and lay low. Just don't wander off. How hard can that be?

A continuation of the story from S2 because I am impatient for more. This one is gonna get real dark but I promise I am going to give the Hargreeves a happy ending.

Words: 52,548 Chapters: 18/18 Status: Complete

take me out, baby by downpours @fourhargreeves

For someone who spent a decade running from the debts he owed, Klaus spent an alarming amount of time trying to recompense Dave for loving him.

Words: 6,802 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Your Song by eithergayorgayer @yerbluues9

"And you can tell everybody, this is your song."

In which Klaus can play piano and sing and decides to serenate Dave who is watching from above.

Words: 3,578 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Hands by GoldenBones

Late at night after the disco when everyone else is asleep, Klaus kneels at Dave’s bunk and whispers a silent prayer into Dave’s hands. In a rare moment of peace against the harsh Vietnam winter, Klaus holds Dave’s hand against his face and tries to sleep.

Words: 1,640 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Ink and Dirt, Eggs and Orange Juice by HappySeaNinja

It’s a quick job on an overcast day, in and out, smooth like coffee, and the only hitch is in his voice when he says goodbye. There’s dirt under his fingernails, ink on his stomach, and a lingering shot of whisky on his tongue.

Really, it’s all that’s left.

Non-linear moments in Klaus and Dave's relationship across seasons 1 and 2. Please don't read unless you've watched all of season 2 as there are spoilers.

Words: 4,631 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

oh love, i'm there in memories by hellchoirs

"If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. And it never faded, and it never got stale. And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again."

Words: 1,536 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

To Have a Home by heterophobe

Dave Katz is a simple man. He values kindness, honesty and strength of character. As someone who is queer and homeless, he also has a fairly substantial distrust of law enforcement.

This is why—when a twig of a man, with kohl-lined eyes and a vibrant pair of purple tights, sprints across the alley-way he’s seated in, skids to a halt at the corner of a dumpster, and balls himself tightly out of view from the street—Dave doesn’t make a move to flag down confused-looking uniformed officers that follow him into the mouth of the alley.

It’s also why—when said officers approach him, and ask him if he’s seen anyone come by—he takes one look at the man’s pleading eyes and shakes his head mournfully. “No, sorry officers.”

OR:

As told through a series of non-linear snapshots, Dave and Klaus come to know one another.

Words: 3,346 Chapters: 2/15 Status: WIP

Dream A Little Dream of Me by idkpeachystuff

"Klaus, thinking back, had always thought that was a strange term. Making love. He wasn't actually certain why. Sex had always felt like...well, sex. Fucking. Nothing entirely special or intimate that he felt had the effect on his heart like nearly everyone had made it seem it should be. And despite how utterly and disgustingly cliché it sounded, that was of course until he met Dave."

Klaus wakes before Dave on their last morning together, on a weekend out in town that is, leaving him with one of his only options to remember everything that had happened the night before and realizing that he was deeply in love, and no matter what, he was never getting out

Words: 3,015 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

projected stars across the night sky by iheardarumor (sonicraptors)

The best nights he’d ever had in his life were spent at his side.

Words: 1,496 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Late Shift at The Umbrella Café by intravenusann @jeffgoldblumsmulletinthe90s

Klaus and Ben have the afternoon shift together almost every day. But not every day are the customers as nice — or as hot! — as this new Dave guy.

Or, in other words, a story where Klaus gets his life together enough to get a boyfriend.

Words: 45,563 Chapters: 6/6 Status: Complete

Need Some Advice by Jenni4

Niki wasn’t used to anyone asking her opinion, so she was surprised when Vina walked into work with an extra energy drink and slid it to her. “Need some advice.”

Niki raised an eyebrow and opened the can and took a big gulp. Vina had been sitting next to her at the call center for exactly two days now. “What makes you think I’m qualified to give anyone advice?”

Vina shrugged out of her jacket and took her seat. “You seem to have your shit together.”

Niki almost choked on her laughter at that one. “That’s so far from the truth but…”

Words: 5,192 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Farewell by JuliusQuasar @juliusquasar and LittleRit @littlerit

Day 20: Shipwrecked

Part 10 of the LittleRit's MerMay Fills 2021

Words: 100 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

a life so demanding by kaijugore @kaijugore

"He was still carrying the war in his heart, how was he supposed to talk about that?"

Ten months. 304 days. 7,300 hours. 438,000 minutes. It would never ever ever be enough time.

Part 1 of the i am (not) afraid to keep on living series

Words: 1,861 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

the sugar rush, the constant hush by kamisado

The scars across his body mark a treasure map of mistakes. Tiny shrapnel scars and rosy-red roadrash, a lifetime of being thrown to the ground by Academy training and the real world. The ivory line tracing across his jaw, almost invisible. The tattoos and the traintracks, the pockmarked puncture wounds scattered like a horrifying constellation across his body.

He’s so tired.

[a klaus s1 character study]

Words: 3,801 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

By The Firelight by keatches @klauzoleum

They share a long look, their lips still tilted in small, secret smiles.

“I’m Dave.” He extends an open palm, skin callous but inviting. Klaus reciprocates with a clap of his own hand against his.

“Klaus.” He tilts forward as the bus jolts, trundling them away to disaster. The briefcase knocks against the heel of his boot, but Klaus absentmindedly nudges it aside.

The five significant times Klaus spoke to Dave. The one time he never will again.

Or, how they fell in love.

Words: 14,681 Chapters: 6/6 Status: Complete

in midnights, in cups of coffee by klausgraves

Dave is just trying to keep his bookstore open, and the stoned hottie that keeps wandering in and talking at the air really, really isn't helping.

Words: 7,316 Chapters: 3/? Status: WIP

Sehnsucht by KimbaSprite @pokemonmasterkimba

Day 26: Longing

What was supposed to be a casual night out takes a turn for the weird when Dave encounters a mysterious stranger stranded on the beach. His sister keeps telling him he needs to meet new people and make connections, so why not with Klaus? Even if he is so attractive that Dave feels he may get sick from nerves alone.

“Hey, my eyes are up here. Careful, or you may get lost in them.“ He looks into Klaus’s eyes as instructed and hmm. Yeah, wow.

Klaus bites his lip in a way that is definitely attractive, and Dave wonders if he realizes what he’s doing to him. Probably. Probably. Klaus seems like the kind of person who knows just how powerful they are.

All at once Dave finds himself sympathizing with old-timey sailors; he could see himself risk drowning just for the chance to exist in the same space as Klaus.

Words: 8,585 Chapter: 1/1 Status: Complete

I'll Never Let Them Hurt You (I Promise) by LaceratedLullabies

But whatever apocalyptic future Dave found himself in couldn’t be worse than the present. His world had already ended. - On February 21st 1968, Klaus Hargreeves dies in Vietnam. A heartbroken Dave follows his last connection to the man he loves: a time-travelling briefcase. 50 years out of time, Dave has to deal with a changed world, his aborted grief and a tortured Klaus who doesn't know him yet. Oh, and the impending apocalypse.

Words: 13,851 Chapters:7/? Status: WIP

I Will Follow You by lostonthisisland @distilledspirit

After Dave's death on the front lines of the Vietnam War he's pulled through time to witness important points in Klaus' life.

Was going for a 5+1 format, but it's a bit looser than that. So, in other words, 5 times Dave sees Klaus and 1 time Klaus sees Dave.

Words: 6,693 Chapters: 2/2 Status: Complete

i get down on my knees and pretend to pray by marinersapptcomplex @wavesknowshoress

He was quiet, for once, standing silent and breathing in the air around him. There were tears in his eyes.

Words: 2,044 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Soulmates by Meilena

"Klaus was twelve, as high as a kite, and in fact, did know why his soulmark looked so thin and light."

Everyone has a soulmark, which is where the name of their soulmate resides on the skin of their left forearm. Klaus has one too, only his is a little different.

Words: 853 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

(Feels Like) Heaven by Melivian @melivian

When Klaus wakes up in the afterlife, he can't believe his luck. Somehow, despite his checkered past and wobbly moral compass, he's made it into the Good Place, where he'll spend eternity with his dream soulmate in a dream neighbourhood.

Only there are two problems. The first is that he's pretty sure the architect of this neighbourhood has the wrong person. And if she catches on that Klaus doesn't belong with all the heroes and philanthropists here, he'll be sent to the Bad Place.

The second is that for the residents, this dream is starting to feel a lot like a nightmare...

Part 1 of the I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door series

Words: 23,496 Chapters: 5/28 Status: WIP

Hello, Goodbye by michaelfalls

His eyes stare where Klaus can’t see. His soul goes where Klaus can’t follow.

Words: 2438 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

come on, baby by myeyesarenotblue @myeyesarenotblue

“Dave, my sister has powers,” Klaus says, matter of factly, bobbing his head up and down, “She’s had powers this whole time but my asshole father decided she was too-” and he looks down at the notebook, does finger quotes with one hand, “- 'uncontrollable' and 'dangerous’ to use them.”

“Powers?”

“Yeah.”

“As in- superpowers? ”

“Yeah,” Klaus says, and then- “I have to tell her," and then- "Wanna come with?"

Words: 5,081 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

your fingers weave quick minarets by nerdsandthelike @nerdsandthelike

According to Five, they have an apocalypse to stop in the future and here Klaus is fifty years too early trying to get in the pants of some probably straight GI who Ben keeps reminding him looks like Luther before the protein shakes. Because he’s not Allison, Klaus decides to put that particular observation waaaaaayyy to the side.

Words: 6,615 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

My Heart Is Playing Hide-And-Seek (Wait And Count To Four) by nessbess (orphan_account)

Klaus had spent what felt like a lifetime searching for Dave after he died in 1968. But Dave found him first, long before that. Klaus was five years old the first time he appeared.

Words: 11,908 Chapters: 8/? Status: WIP

Five and Dave's Life Changing (Life Saving) Field Trip by neuronary

The little boy, who Dave could now see was not as little as he’d first thought, shoved a tin mug at him. “Drink this.”

Dave drank. It tasted sickly sweet and slightly citrus-y. “Who are you?”

“Five.” The boy’s scowl deepened at Dave’s confusion. “Klaus’ brother.”

Or, Five saves Dave's life to stop Klaus from moping. From Dave's perspective, a very grouchy, sleep-deprived twelve-year-old kidnaps him and he finds it much more entertaining than he should.

Inspired by Lyviel's 'Fixes to the Timeline'

Words: 1,728 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

breathy on the bits by Nucci @maundering-marauder

“So Fivey, tired of the school boy chic?” Klaus asked with a manic grin, “Because do I have so many ideas for you.”

“As long as it’s warm, I don’t really care.”

“Warm, check” Klaus noted, miming checking a box with his finger, “Any other demands?”

“No sequins,” Five replied and blipped out of the room.

---

Or, Five’s tired of wearing the Academy uniform and Klaus offers to help. As is wont to do with the Hargreeves, emotions and miscommunication ensues.

Words: 8,702 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

The Collision of Your Kiss by orphan_account

Klaus spends ten months in Vietnam.

Dave is why.

Words: 4,505 Chapters: 1/1 Status: discontinued

pieces (skin to bone) by orphan_account

The first time Klaus dies, he is thirteen. He dies again at seventeen, eighteen, twenty-four. By his fifth death, he has resigned himself to the blackness that awaits him. Not that he much cares: anything would be better than this, even blissful oblivion, even floating in blackness until his mind decays, and, like Five, he starts seeing people where there aren’t there, falling in love with a mannequin or a fleck of dust in his eye.

Dave won't come to Klaus, so Klaus decides to go to him.

Words: 2,128 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

in the mountain of the crouching beast by patrocluus

Dave catches his eye later, when they’re sitting next to each other in the bumpy truck, men jostling into each other on all sides; the corner of his mouth quirks up a little, just enough to make Klaus’ heart jump in his chest. He doesn’t remember the last time someone looked at him like that: like they have a secret to share, and that secret is the most important thing in the world, even if that world seems to be ending around them.

Or: It's 1968, and deep in the A Shau Valley, Vietnam, Klaus meets a man who feels like home.

Words: 8,203 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

in the january rain by phcbosz

And all Klaus has left to prove that any of it happened and wasn’t just one fucked up dream is a pair of bloody dog tags, a tattoo on his arm, and the taste of ash sticking to the roof of his mouth.

Words: 5,226 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Dancing to the Rhythm of a Different Drum by PlaneJane

Klaus escapes from one terror, and finds himself in another: the A Shau Valley, Vietnam, 1968.

"They kissed at midnight, breath heavy with liquor, the first brush of Dave’s lips making Klaus weak at the knees. Giddy at the gentle way Dave took his face in his hands, like Klaus was something precious."

My Klaus and Dave backstory, because the show didn't give me enough.

Words: 1,498 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

His name was Dave by punkspiders

Klaus reflects back upon his time both in the Vietnam War, and with the man he loved more than himself.

Words: 1,654 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

How Not To Propose by RhubarbDuck

His life follows a monotonous routine: wake up, smoke, go to the same shitty grocery store, space out for eight hours and occasionally stock shelves, more drugs, rinse, and repeat.

His life was, at some point, a little more exciting (if exciting meant going on a week-long bender and waking up in a cell with the worst headache he ever experienced). After a couple weeks in jail and the threat of a rehab that he could never attend, he met Dave. Honestly, Klaus couldn’t remember his life before Dave. Dave was kind and understanding and way too put together to be with a fuck up like Klaus, but for whatever reason he seems to love Klaus- or at least he tells him so twice a day.

American Ultra AU

Words: 19,824 Chapters: 5/? Status: WIP

The Moments We Had by RosyPages @thesevenumbrellas

A series of moments between Dave and Klaus as they fall in love during the war.

Words: 2,044 Chapters: 3/8 Status: WIP

In the Dark by runrarebit

So they're back in the past, they're thirteen again, Ben is alive, Vanya doesn't remember, her siblings are suddenly treating her differently, better, and all of a sudden she and Klaus are bonding- Klaus who is still trying to be clean and sober- except things are never easy, are they? There’s their father to contend with, once more alive and at the height of his power over them, and there’s secrets, always secrets, always in danger of getting out, and after their father decides that a clean and sober Klaus is a Klaus that can resume his training Reginald Hargreeves just might not be the scariest man walking the halls of the Umbrella Academy- even if only one person can see him.

The thing about Klaus is that, even trapped, in the dark, he is never alone. Never alone. Never. And the past he's been running from ever since he was a small child might just now be something he can’t escape from.

Words: 61,243 Chapters: 18/18 Status: Hitaus

well, the clock says it's time to close now by rythyme (pugglemuggle)

The first time Klaus falls in love, it's in the middle of a war. Fate really does enjoy cruel irony.

Or, a series of vignettes from the ten months Klaus and Dave spent together in Vietnam.

Words: 3,788 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Fancy Seeing You Here by Saccha @sacchariwrites

Dave miraculously survives being shot in the chest, and is present when Klaus gets in a fight at that vets bar.

Written for EnKlave Fest.

Words: 1,891 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Valentine’s Day in Vietnam by salvador-daley @salvador-daley

A hungover Klaus awakes after a night in the arms of a young man from Dallas

Words: 1.7k Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

In the Dark of the Night by sassmaster_tiresias @i-will-fong-you

The flashlight is still on, peeking out between the folds in Dave’s comforter, and Dave remembers how frantic Klaus had been to turn it on.

He remembers how he couldn’t even really see Klaus when he’d first woken up, his beautiful face obscured by the darkness. Then, he remembers the Christmas lights in Klaus’ room—strung in a haphazard zig-zag up the wall beside his bed, the soft glow that was present every time Dave had been in that room.

“The lights,” he says.

Words: 2,437 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

War is Hell by sauropod @occult-criticality

Klaus' hands were still filthy with dried blood and muck as he fumbled at the clasps, the combination lock on the top. Desperate, blind hope had his heart going a mile a minute. The dial still read that seemingly random set of numbers it had the first time he opened it on the bus, what felt like a lifetime ago.

0213-18-02-1967

“Please.” Klaus choked. “Please work.” He opened the briefcase.

Words: 80,813 Chapters: 21/? Status: WIP

New and Familiar by Snabby

If you told Dave a year ago that he had a loving (if a bit crazy) boyfriend, in a relationship which he didn’t have to hide, he wouldn’t have believed you. Although that thought isn’t as crazy in comparison to being in the future and the fact that his boyfriend, can not only see ghosts but was raised in a crazy cult-like superhero family.

In Dave’s opinion, the oddest thing out of the whole family is Five

So he was a little shocked and confused when Five popped in front of him.

“I need you to get a decent fucking cup of coffee” shoving his little finger in Dave’s face

----------

Or Klaus and Dave pretend to be Five's parents so the poor little dude can get coffee

Words: 1967 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

It's a Piece of Cake to Bake a Pretty Cake by StardustInYourEyes

Prompt: Flour fight in the kitchen Klaus and Dave's attempt at making a cake

Words: 2,535 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

i just wish that you were here, now by sapphictomaz

Immediately after the Season One finale, Klaus finds himself back in 1968, and is forced to so some soul-searching while dealing with the rest of his siblings and the memories he has of Dave from the first time around.

Title from "Wish You Were Here" by Marianas Trench.

Words: 4,055 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

face to face (and a thousand miles apart) by shadowlancer_95 @shadowsofmoonracer

His strides were long, and shaky as he stumbled through the darkness, relying on the barest threads of memory to Allison’s house. The cut on his lip stung in the cold night air, his throbbing cheekbone a mere shadow of the agony in the hollow cavity where his heart used to be.

Or,

Klaus, after his second (and most disastrous) meeting with Dave.

Words: 1,799 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

i wore his jacket for the longest time by sharkhette

So, maybe Klaus wasn’t in his right frame of mind. Maybe he hadn’t been for a long time. But Dave was dead, and that meant Klaus should be able to conjure him, one way or another. The traditional method of cleaning up his act and sitting around to wait hadn’t worked, so it was time to get imaginative.

Klaus just wants to see Dave again, and he's willing to do whatever it takes to make that happen, no matter the cost. Includes conversations with Ben, Diego, God, a surly preacher, and gratuitous references to certain MCR songs.

Words: 7,252 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

His oxygen belongs to Death by Sophiethegeek

He can almost taste their bloodlust on his tongue, feel their rage heavy in his breastbone. They’re bad today, and it’s safe to say he’s having a very bad day as a result. Each swipe is sending icy pain across his skin, making him shiver. God, he’s cold.

He closes his eyes, pretending not to hear the faint roar of the snarling, crying, screeching mass around him. Why did he think sobriety was a good idea? Christ on a cracker, this fucking sucked.

Or: After hopping around time, and returning to the day of the apocalypse that never was, Klaus falls apart slowly, then all at once.

Words: 91,661 Chapters: 8/? Status: WIP

Love You, Sugar by spaceysev

There’s a reason Klaus can’t listen to Total Eclipse of the Heart anymore, and it’s got everything to do with the only man who was ever allowed to call him Sugar.

Words: 3,828 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

musical preference by sourcheeks

“Of course you don’t like country.”

“I never said that,” Klaus replied diplomatically, even though it was true.

Words: 227 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Wings of Feathers and Wax by TerezFox8989

A look at the morning after their first time.

Hell, he always considered it a personal victory if he could put a name to a face after, which had suited him just fine. Sex had always had a means to an end, he used and was used; drugs, food, sleep, alcohol. But never this...not mornings after wrapped up in each other talking about family.

Words: 1,534 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

One Night in Saigon by terracotta_heartbreak

They're drunk, they're in a Saigon Hotel, and Klaus is smoking on the bed, but that's nothing new. But it's such an odd thing to be alone together, that doe-eyed strange man who never made sense here, and the soldier who'd fallen for him, for all those eccentricities. How are you meant to make sense of each other in the 60s, in that musky haze of war, drugs and the sounds of political blues rock?

Words: 2,011 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Just One in Thousands by TheArchaeologist @ancientstone

Take the idea that Five is followed by all his victims from his time at the Commission, and take the idea that Five is responsible for Dave’s death, and what do you get?

Pain.

Pain is what you get.

Words: 1,351 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Dancing with a Ghost by TheBestofEverything

"Would you like to share this dance with me?" Dave asked quietly.

"I'd love to," Klaus smiled as he took Dave's hand in his.

(Klaus is finally sober, and he conjures Dave.)

Words: 664 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Bad Enough for You by thehoundisdead

Dave can be bad. He doesn’t want to be but he can. He wants to spoon Klaus; to gather him up tight enough against his chest to hold all of his pieces together, to let him relax for once. He wants to take a bath with him and shampoo his hair and make him breakfast in bed and wrap him up in his softest blanket. But that’s not what Klaus wants, at least not yet. Dave has a strong suspicion that Klaus has never been treated softly by a partner. So, bad boy.

based on the song bad enough for you by all time low

Words: 8,757 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

The Way Light Swallows Shadows by TheSevenUmbrellas (RosyPages) @thesevenumbrellas

Dave is a vampire hunter who has never hunted a vampire in his life. Klaus is a vampire made for a war that ended before he was even born. When ten years of peace are put at risk after the death of a hunter, they’re both faced with the possibility that maybe the war isn’t over after all. Separated from their respective sides, Dave and Klaus have no other option but to depend on each other to get home before a war can tear their lives apart.

Words: 5,932 Chapters: 2/24 Status: WIP

Tag, You're It by totallyevan @totallyevan

Dating in Vietnam was never easy. Klaus and Dave have to watch out for everything, but thankfully they know their way around the system. Things escalate quickly and the only witness is the moon.

Words: 11,116 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

something so magic about you (so tragic about you) by Tremble

Snippets of their live in Vietnam or Dave slowly finding out that Klaus is nowhere near ordinary. --- This was originally suppose to be a 5+1 thing, but uh that didn't happen. oops

Words: 6,625 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

21.02.1960 by Uglyfrogboi

It was funny how time worked, how it was both only a couple of weeks ago yet it was also exactly nine years in the future. Why is he mourning a day that hasn’t technically happened yet? It’s a simple answer really, that was the day he thinks he last felt anything other than that horrible, thick, smothering, emptiness that seems to follow him around. Today, nine years from now, is the day that his world ended.

How Klaus deals with being dropped in the past, ten days before the anniversary of Dave's death.

Words: 3494 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

you're getting on my (optic) nerves by untrustworthyglitch

Klaus Hargreeves is many things. He's a former child superhero, an estranged brother, a drug addict, a frequent flyer at the local rehab facility. He can talk to the dead and never seems to die and loves a good thunderstorm.

He's also blind, but he wasn't always.

Part 1 of the blind!klaus (hazy, but hopeful) series

Words: 6,375 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

Scarlet Song by UrsaCentum(phantomviola) @flecket

Klaus isn’t a big fan of Hell.

drabble written for TUA AUgust 2021 Day 25: Angel/Demon

Part 6 of the Ursa's AUgust Fills 2021 series

Words: 100 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

never felt so high (think i'm coming down) by wewhofightmonsters

“Dave,” he whispers, and he leans down to press a kiss, light as a summer breeze, to Dave’s forehead, “Dave, I’m a fucking idiot. I love you back. I love you back.” And as he says it, he knows it to be true, and that small, closed up part of him that has languished in the dark and the constant haze of drugs, unfurls and stretches out towards the light. “I love you back,” he says again, in wonder.

(Klaus and Dave, and second chances)

Words: 24,536 Chapters: 8/? Status: WIP

Curl Conditioner by wormbcy @nastyworm

Klaus tidies up his supplies and puts it all back in the cabinet, and then hums to himself in thought.

"Hey Dave, space for another in there?"

Words: 6,524 Chapters: 1/1 Status: Complete

would it be enough (if I could never give you peace) by ZJpotter

The Hargreeves' and their sixties love.

Chapter 2: Klaus, bugs, and the definiton of home.

Words: 2,909 Chapters: 2/2 Status: Complete

#klave #klaus hargreeves #dave katz #tua #the umbrella academy #fic rec #Happy new year noelle! May 2021 be filled with klave!

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