#But hey at least I’m not *actually* 16 anymore

[foxskip]

I know we’re all mentally ill here but fuck man why does my brain have to be like this

#Like you ever remember normal people exist who don’t have to deal w/ the brain issues you have #very cool #man #sorry I’m having a rough one rn haven’t really felt this way since high school so that’s neat #But hey at least I’m not *actually* 16 anymore #affirmations #also it’s raining rn that’s nice #vent #I would love to be creating more things but the executive dysfunction’s real bad rn & there’s a lot more things I *should* be doing #wow writing out frustrations really does help the brain huh #I already knew that but I was in my own head abt actually talking to someone this time #Sometimes you just gotta have a silly brain moment on tungle dot com ykwim #ok goodnight now gamers

[strawberrysturniolo]

never grow up part four

summary: after not speaking for a week, chris finds himself trying to confess his feelings to sunny, while she’s trying to move on from him

part three

part five

It’s been a week since I last talked to Chris. Since he walked out on me. 

It’s safe to say I was a complete wreck that night. I bawled my eyes out. I couldn’t imagine being in that state of stress and frustration with the only person who seems to understand me above others. It’s like that connection between us has been broken with such ease, not a care in the world from his end. He’s made that quite obvious.

I’ve been so embarrassed for wanting to push for something between us, until I remember how he made me think he wanted that too. It’s not embarrassing for me to be convinced of something else by someone I trusted, but I guess I learned my lesson for the future. 

It was one thing for him to not say goodbye when he left my apartment, rather than him just getting up and leaving angrily. But what makes it worse is he went back to LA without a word, without a real goodbye. 

It’s for that reason that I don’t bother telling him I miss him. He clearly didn’t care enough to say goodbye before he flew back to the other side of the country.

What makes it all worse is that I didn’t even find out from him or someone in his family.

I found out from a fucking Instagram story that Nick posted with Chris and Matt at an event. So who the fuck even knows when they actually got back there. They seem to be settled in again pretty fucking nicely. 

I’ve tried to occupy myself with work and school to keep my mind off how I’m feeling. Somehow along the way, I managed to agree to go on a date. 

I usually don’t care to randomly date people. Maybe that’s why I felt so safe and confident in Chris. I’ve known him forever, and I trusted that he would take care of me and we would work. 

We didn’t even get the chance to try before he turned into a stranger again. 

There’s nothing wrong with the guy in front of me. I just don’t think this is the right kind of guy for me. He’s very proper, clearly coming from a rich family that taught him about fine dining and expensive jewelry since he was born. He bought me a fancy glass of wine though, so I can’t complain too much. At least I can get a little tipsy tonight. I know better than to drink too much on a first date in case this guy turns out to be a creep and I’m too drunk to notice. 

“So,” he starts to say, then he takes a sip of his wine, raising a hand to the waiter and silently requesting another. That pisses me off. “Who’s your best friend?”

Not the 20 questions type ass question. 

Well, fuck. That one hurt. 

“Um– He– They don’t live here anymore,” I finally say. “I met them when I was a toddler. I don’t even remember it, I just know from family stories. I think they were the first friend I ever made. I don’t remember ever not having them in my life. They were always there.”

I continue to refer to Chris as they rather than he. I don’t know this guy well enough yet, and something tells me if I say my best friend was a boy, he’d start asking more questions about him that I don’t want to answer. 

“They were always there,” I continue. “By biggest supporter, best friend, number one defender. We started to share families. I was always welcome unannounced– actually, they liked it when I came over without mentioning it first. It made them feel even more loved, is what they said.” 

I need more wine.

I was 16 when I went on my very first date. Chris was with a girl that night. She came over to their house, and had a double date sort of thing with Matt and his girlfriend. While I was at the movie theater on my date, he started to get weird. He was suddenly touching my legs, and trying to kiss me. I ran to the bathroom and called Chris, and even though I knew he couldn’t drive, I knew he would try to rescue me.

“Hey–”

“Chris. I’m at the movies with Ryan.”

My words came out in a rush, desperation clear in my tone.

I could hear him leave the room, practically running to where he could be alone and hear me clearly. “I know. What’s wrong?”

I took a deep breath. “He’s being weird.”

There’s a pause.

“How weird?”

“I’m in the bathroom to get away from him. That kind of weird,” I clarified. “I’m sorry. I know you’re with people, but can you please–”

“We’ll be there soon. I’ll text you when I’m outside,” he agreed without a second thought.

Once him and Matt arrived, Matt dropped us off at a McDonald’s near their house before going back to his own girlfriend. I never really asked what happened with the girl Chris was with. I guess I assumed they took her home while they were on their way to get me. 

To cheer me up, Chris treated our shitty McDonald’s dinner as a friendly date. He made me laugh, made me feel safe again, and then we went home and watched a movie in his bed.

He was always ready to rescue me, no matter what he was doing. 

Suddenly, my phone rings on the table, violently vibrating and disrupting our conversation. 

I apologize as I pick up my phone, trying to mute it, until I see the caller ID. 

Without hesitating, I get up from the table. “I have to take this.”

I practically run outside so I’m alone when I take the call, trying to get there before he hangs up. I press the phone to my ear, and my heart sinks when I finally hear his voice again.

“Hey,” he says.

My voice is delicate when I respond. “Hi.”

“I just wanted to–” he starts to say, getting right to the point. A car horn blares as someone in front of me swerves near another car. He stops his original point and asks, “Where are you right now?”

“Outside of a restaurant. I got up when you called.”

“Oh. Who are you with?”

“Just– Um– I’m not–” I stutter. “It’s just someone I know.”

He must have been laying on his bed, because I hear him shift. There’s a slight rumble like he was moving around, the sound of his bed sheets against his body as he sits up. “Is it a guy?”

I don’t know what to say. I could lie and say that I’m with family, or that it’s a networking dinner, but my silence doesn’t help my case. Not to mention that I panicked and settled on ‘someone I know.’

“You’re on a fucking date?!” he shouts.

“Why are you yelling at me!”

“I’m calling to tell you that I want to be with you and you’re on a fucking date?!”

He wants to be with me.

I don’t even get to be happy about that before I’m trying to defend myself. He’s so fast to get angry with me, not giving me a chance to think about anything other than the fact that he’s being incredibly unfair. 

“How was I supposed to know that’s why you were calling?” I ask. I start pacing in front of the restaurant, weaving through people walking around me. “We haven’t spoken in a week!”

“Yeah,” he says, responding in a tone that is so dry, it makes me worried for what’s to come next. “A week ago you were all over me saying that you love me and you want a relationship and you’re already on a date with someone else?”

My voice goes soft. “What were you trying to achieve? Do you want a relationship with me?”

“Well, no but–”

“Oh!” I jump in. “So you want me, but not enough to be in a relationship with me, but enough to where if I go out with someone else who wants to be with me, I’m the bad person because then you’d get to call that cheating even though you and I don’t want the same thing. You just want me to be available if and when you decide you want the same thing as me.”

He doesn’t want me. He just wants me to be there in case that changes. With how indecisive and low commitment Chris is, I don’t want to wait around for someone that isn’t sure of me. Especially me, when we’ve had so much love for each other for our whole lives. 

“You’re so fucking dramatic,” he scoffs. “I hope your date can handle it.”

“So fucking what if I’m on a date!” I fight back. “It shouldn’t mean anything to you!”

“You’re right, it doesn’t matter. So I’ll do you one better.” I take a breath, holding it. I’m terrified for what he’ll say next. “I fucked someone last night.”

I feel my heart stop beating. Then it drops into my stomach.

My chest feels empty. It’s like I’m just a shell of a human being, but nothing inside it functions anymore. That about killed me. 

Tears well in my eyes, and I know if he saw me right now, he would hate that he made me cry. He was always the person to wipe my tears, and now he’s the cause of it. 

I want to scream. I want to hate him. But I never could. No matter how much I try.

“So you decided to fuck someone else. Then you called me to confess the love you think I want from you, then you get mad that I don’t want to wait around for someone who isn’t sure about me and I went on a date, all of which you were going to pursue without telling me that you fucked someone last night!” I don’t bother concealing my volume or my vocabulary even though I’m standing around plenty of people. They can all hear me fighting with Chris. “And you’re going to get mad over a date, when you fucked someone?!”

He doesn’t say anything for a minute. I have to actually check that the call is still ongoing and I didn’t lose him somehow, or that he didn’t hang up on me after calling him out.

“You know what?” he snaps. “You’re right. This was a waste of time. Enjoy your date,” he forces himself to say. I know he wants nothing more than for my date to go badly. I don’t tell him that it already was before he called. 

“Yeah, I will. And guess what Chris?”

“What?”

“You can go fuck yourself, but knowing you, you’ll probably get someone else to handle that for you.”

The line goes dead when he hangs up on me.

I’m left standing outside in shock.

I don’t know how long I’ve been standing in one place, burning tears dripping slowly down my cheeks. I finally snap out of it when I feel raindrops on my skin. Seconds later, the rain starts coming down harder.

Pretty ironic that he called me Sunshine because when he was down it always got sunnier, and now I’m standing in a downpour. 

tag list: @secret-sturniolo @chrisloyalgf @strnilolo @qwertytit @55sturn @sleepysturnss @creamoncreamoncream2 @sturnvvz @swaggygirlboss123 @angelworldspost @patscorner @ducksturniolo @mattitties @luv4kozume @mbbsgf @freshloveforthefit @ripmattitude @gamermattsgf @strniololoverr @urmom2bitch @sturnitup @luvmila444 @st7rnioioss @sturniolosreads @pepsiskiess @alorsxsturn @sturniolopepsi @sturnsgasoline @sturns-posts @sstvrnioloo @strawberrymilk4k @nickmillersn1gf @milesfordays11 @l9vesick @mattsturnzzz09 @mattnchrisworld @sturniolovoid @aerunn @sturniolosmind @oliviasturniolo21 @carolsturns1 @scarssturniolo @stuniolobbg @sturniolowhore @christurniolomyman

#Spotify #strawberrysturniolo #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo x you #chris sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo #sturniolo #sturniolo triplets

[thenextdawn-temporarilyclosed]

Always By Your Side

Word count: 1.9K

Summary: you were friends with Jenna, but ever since she got famous she started ignoring you, even if you kept being her number one fan.

Warnings: angst

Pairing: Jenna Ortega X Fem!Reader

Posting this to check if I’m actually not shadow banned anymore😂 but Don’t get me started on this Idea. It has been stuck in my mind forever. I hope you like this

———

Growing up in California has always had its perks. Wherever you went, there were famous people, whether it was adults, teenagers, even kids and older people. It didn’t matter where you went, there was always a crowd around someone famous. Useless to say that this had its toll on your life, because eventually you wanted to be an actress, and ever since you were a kid you would find scripts online and practice them on your own or with your best friend, Jenna. She lived down the street and you were always at her place playing with her and with her siblings, you would sleep at their house, have dinners there and whenever they did something, you were always invited, you even went on family trips with them! It was safe to say that they considered you part of their family.

With time passing, you and Jenna grew even closer. Both of your dreams was still to be actresses as you kept on practicing scripts and monologues, but she’s always been better than you, and there was no one denying that. At some point Jenna’s mom’s friend was friends with a casting director and they tried giving both of you chances to eventually start on acting in shows or movies. Only… she got the roles, and you didn’t. You never did. Were you jealous? No you weren’t, because your best friend had achieved her dreams and she was living it for you too. She was away from home a lot, but she always found a way to keep in contact with you, at first at least. You were both still 14 after all, and her schedule wasn’t so busy so she was home a lot, and you went to visit her whenever you could.

Though things started changing when you both turned 16. She was never home anymore as her schedule was so busy.

You: hey Jen. I know you’re busy, buy can you call me when you have some free time? I really miss my best friend🥺

Jen: Hey! Yes of course! I’ll call you at 7.30 tonight okay? Miss you too <3

Those little things always made you smile, even if she was so busy and never home, she always cut some time from her breaks to call you and just talk about anything. She didn’t care if she didn’t have lunch, she WANTED to talk to you and this alone always made you miss her less. At age 17 though, having grown up and was now fit for harder roles, early morning alarms and what not, the time she cut for you ceased existing.

You: Heyyyy! Video call tonight at 7.30 pm like always?

Jen: I’m sorry I’m really busy. Promise we’ll catch up eventually. TTYL.

Only the two of you never caught up. She never found time for you anymore and it was starting to hurt. You knew that at some point actors leave their past life behind, but you never expected Jenna to do so to you. You never expected her to forget about you when you grew up together ever since day one, when you were in cribs. But even though she barely even thought of you, it was safe to say that you were her number one fan. You watched her movies, had bought the merch that came along with them, watching her interviews, Hell you even texted her supporting her of everything.

September 10, 2020

You: dude, that “babysitter killer queen” movie is just something else, I was so entertained watching it! You did a great job💕

March 12, 2021

You: your role in “yes day” was amazing. Katie Torres is so cute! Loved it✨

January 14, 2022

You: uhm HELLO? The new scream movie is fire! Hope to see you in the next one☺️

January 27, 2022

You: GURL! ARE WE GONNA TALK ABOUT VADA CAVELL? Please, she’s SO FINE

March 18, 2022

You: okay, that X movie was different. Not of my likings, buy you did a great job as always. Miss you.

Not once did she ever reply to your texts. Sure, she read them but you never got any kind of feedback from her. It’s like she was always too busy even for a text, or she just simply didn’t care anymore. It was hard, going on with your life knowing that she never had time for you anymore. You used to be her best friend but now, seeing from her posts she had new best friends and it was hurting a lot, knowing that she just forgot about you, and your head started going a thousand places, was she ashamed because her best friend wasn’t famous? And what if she simply didn’t want to be seen around with you? You were a no one, after all. Would famous people want to be seen around with a no one?

You had to get back to her, show her that there was no shame in being seen around with someone who isn’t famous. It should make you even more “honest” to show that you’re not only friends with famous people, but you’ve kept your friends of a lifetime, but you thought that this wasn’t something she’d ever consider. You posted a photo of the two of you hugging and a few videos, tagging her and writing under it “miss my best friend so much.” Jenna’s fans freaked out at that and reposted the photos, the cute videos all over the internet. Jenna wasn’t the type of girl to be on social medias but you were sure she saw your post when she liked it. It was just a like though, there was no “miss you too” comment or even a text, nothing at all. You had to find a way to see her, talk to her face to face.

You got the chance to do so when after her new series “Wednesday” came out, the premiere was in your city. You HAD to go. You even found the ticket to get backstage and talk with the actors, you had to talk to her. You dressed up elegantly just for the night and you made sure to go there REALLY early to be in front of the barricades, you had to see her and she had to see you. When actors started arriving, of course no one recognized you. Except for obviously Jenna. She looked at you as she walked by, and you gave her a small smile as you waved at her, she did the same but then walked away, to other fans and to the photo booth. She looked gorgeous to say the least. You had seen her on tv, but she hasn’t seen you in years and suddenly reality hit her.

You had been supporting her ever since and she has done nothing but ignore you these past 5 years, and she started thinking of how much it could have hurt you, seeing her realize her dreams while you couldn’t. She was scared shitless to talk to you, she was afraid that you’d yell at her, get mad at her or something like that. When the premiere was finished it was now time for the people who had the backstage ticket to actually go backstage. You were one of the lasts in line and you weren’t in a rush, you needed to talk to her not just for two minutes, and you knew that fans would absolutely want to talk to her, so you stood back and patiently waited for your turn. You didn’t wait really long because everyone only had a limited time with each actor, but you didn’t care because you knew that if you needed It, Jenna would tell the crew that you were allowed to stay.

As soon as it was your turn you walked up to her and she gave you a small sad smile. She didn’t know how to act, what to do. She was scared of what you’d say or do. “Hey Jen” you said as you walked over, you weren’t sure of what you could or could not do, but you were surprised when she hugged you tightly, hiding her face in your shoulder. You let her do, hugging her back and letting her stay in the embrace for as long as she wanted. When she pulled back, her eyes were slightly teary. “(Y/N) I-I’m so sorry” she started, you knew exactly what she was talking about. “I’m sorry too. But it’s okay, you have a busy schedule and it’s okay to not have time” you said reassuring her. “I was just scared you’d forgotten about me or that you didn’t care anymore. And it hurts because I haven’t been hearing back from you for 5 years Jen. You do understand that right? I was scared that I was bothering you and that you didn’t want me to text you.” You said looking down, and she looked down of shame as well.

“I never meant for any of this to happen. You’re my best friend, (Y/N). I just… got scared.” She said and you looked at her with confusion sprawled out all over your face. “Scared of what?” You asked, she took a hold of your hand and looked up at you. “When we started with the videocalls.. they made me really happy, and I knew you were happy too. But growing up my feelings towards you only grew, and not just in a “friends” way if you know what I mean. I was- and maybe I still am in in love with you. But I was scared, I was never home and I didn’t want to say that over a phone, figuring out that it would have been better if I told you face to face. But I always chickened out and I figured out that if I ever told you, the constant distance would have ended up hurting you. But I hurt you anyways, so…”

You looked at her as a smile slowly made its way to your face. “Jesus Jen I thought you hated me or something..” you said, giggling of relief, as she looked up at you “does that mean you forgive me?” She said hopeful, this even showing on her face. How could you reply to this? Deep down, you also had feelings for her, and they only grew. So you pulled her in from her waist, a hand removing the black veil of her dress from her face as you leaned in for a kiss, your first. She was shocked at first, not believing what was happening as she eventually kissed you back, closing her eyes and arms around your neck as she smiled and hummed happily on your lips, moving closer to you, if that was even possible. Managers had tried to get closer to you two and move you two away, but Jenna shushed them away and kept on kissing you, all while you just smiled.

Eventually she pulled back to look at you. “I love you so much (Y/N).. I swear to you that from now on I’ll take you with me wherever I go and you’ll never leave my side.”

#jenna ortega #jenna ortega x y/n #jenna ortega x you #jenna ortega x reader #jenna ortega x fem!reader #wednesday #wednesday x y/n #wednesday x you #wednesday x reader #wednesday adams x reader #wednesday adams #wednesday addams #wednesday addams x y/n #wednesday addams x you #wednesday addams x reader #vada cavell

[jilymicrofics]

Today’s submission is a bit different - another non AO3 submission!

Author #16 | Title: Expectation | Not Rated

Prompt/s: expectation

Read below ⬇️

She is erasing the blackboard when he enters the room as if he owns the place and sits on a desk by the last row. Lily lifts his eyebrows at him and, in turn, Potter just smirks at her; it’s the kind of smile that makes some of her friends sigh, and while it does add to his charm, Lily does what she usually does in his presence these days: she frowns.

“May I help you?” She asks, uninterested.

He gives her a look of polite obviousness. “I am here for the class; this is the tutoring class for Chemistry, right?”

Lily glances at the formulas on the blackboard for a moment before turning back to him. “Yes, so?”

“I’m your new tutee, Evans.” He laughs suddenly. “Funny word, right? Tutee.”

“Amusing,” she replies, unsmiling. “Nice prank. I’m guessing Black is filming this or—”

“No, actually…” There is a flush on his cheeks that Lily doesn’t remember seeing out of the football field. “Sirius doesn’t know I’m here. I—I have been told I need to get at least Exceed Expectations on my next Chemistry exam, or I’ll be kicked out of the team.”

“Then go study.”

“This is what I’m trying to do—look, my father is a Chemistry genius, but I obviously didn’t inherit his genes.” He watches her for a moment, then runs his hand through his hair as if he is just out of the field after a match. “Hey, Lily—may I call you Lily?”

“Not really.”

He breathes out, relieved. “Good, it felt strange. Evans—you are a good soul. I know it, everyone knows it. You wouldn’t let me reprove when you hold the key to my success, would you?”

“I don’t really care, Potter. Maybe some time away from football would do you some good.”

Potter looks properly appealed by the idea. “How could it?”

“You weren’t such a toerag before becoming the football star of the school.” She crosses her arms and looks away, annoyed by her outburst. It didn’t matter that Lily had nice memories of being friends with James Potter before Year 10; they had grown apart, James – Potter had made other friends and then he had all but ignored her in favour of enjoying his popularity and his arrogance. Lily didn’t mind it, she vouched she didn’t, at least not for herself. “You keep messing with Severus.”

He leans against the desk, suddenly annoyed. “It’s your boyfriend who doesn’t leave us alone.”

“Oh, right, because he has nothing better to do than follow you around to be bullied.” She grabs her things, admonishing herself for sparing her time for James Potter. “And he is not my boyfriend.”

“Oh.” There is something in Potter’s voice that makes her turn to him, despite herself. “I always thought, you were always together—”

“What?”

“Nothing.” But he smiles all the same, and it’s not obnoxious or a smirk anymore; Potter looks just glad for a moment. “I really need your help, Evans.”

Just go away, she tells herself. Instead, she shifts her weight from one foot to another. “What exactly do you want, Potter?”

He bites his lip, looking far more uncertain than she has seen him in the past couple of years. “I need good grades in Chemistry. It’s my worst class, and the coach says I cannot play if I don’t improve my grades.” He wides his eyes, begging her; his eyes are a nice shade of hazel. “Do it for Gryffindor? You don’t want us to lose to those snakes, do you?”

She doesn’t, not really, but this is not the reason why Lily walks to him and sits in the chair in front of his desk.

“Three o’clock,” she says. “Thrice every week. You will have homework, and if you don’t bother doing it, go find someone else to help you.”

He lets out a relieved breath. “You are a lifesaver, Evans—”

“I’m not done yet. We can use this classroom—”

“Can it be somewhere else?” Potter winks at her. “I’d rather people didn’t know.”

“You mean you don’t want Black to know.” He looks ashamed; she fights back an urge to laugh, though she doesn’t think he is fooled by it. Potter looks glad about her reaction. “There are some rooms in the library, I can book one for us.”

“Or you can go to my place.” When she lifts her eyebrows, he raises his hands. “Just for studying, my mother has this big office she doesn’t use. We would have it all for ourselves.”

“Is that how you attract girls to your place? To show off your big office?”

“I don’t really… Hey.” The smirk is back on his face as Potter tilts his head, eyes moving over her face. “Why are you concerned if I have girls in my place?”

Lily flushes. “I don’t,” she insists, though his smirk doesn’t sway. “We are studying in the library, not anywhere else. And there is something I want in return. Leave Severus alone.”

He rolls his eyes, straightening his back away from her. “I will if he—” Lily glares at him. Potter sighs exasperatedly. “Fine, I’ll lay off Snivellus. Snape.”

“Good.” She stands up. “Then I’ll meet you tomorrow afternoon. And Potter…” She looks at him. Other than a pen behind his ear, he didn’t bring anything to the classroom. “Bring your material for class tomorrow.”

He chuckles. “Yes, Ma’am.” Lily sighs. She is by the door when he calls her back. “Hey, Evans. I want something in return also.”

She chuckles despite herself. “You came here begging me to tutor you, and now you want something in return?” Potter nods, his face as serious as he can get. Lily shakes her head, not hiding her amusement. “Fine, let me hear it.”

“Promise me you won’t fall in love with me.”

Lily stares at him; Potter meets her eyes without blinking, his face showing an innocence that she doesn’t believe for a second. Lily knows him ever since Year 1; maybe she did have a crush on him when she was young and didn’t know better; maybe, for all he is arrogant and annoying these days, she has to admit he still holds a certain charm, with his dark-pit messy hair and hazel eyes that always promise mischief; maybe sometimes she wishes their paths hadn’t deviated so much as they grew older; maybe her heart skips a beat when she hears his laugh or when he is actually kind to another soul. 

But for all the maybes, there is only certainty as Lily smiles at him now.

“I promise you,” she assures, departing without looking back.

#jilymicrofics events #mystery microfic may event 2023 #jily #jple #lily evans #james potter #jily fic

[joe-mac88]

Hey! I did my own sans! He’s a judge! It’s a sans from a neutral ending where every bosses dies expect papyrus and sans, papyrus became the king. And sans stayed a judge!

Sans is trying to make papyrus laugh or at least happy. But papyrus doesn’t have the time to deal with his jokes. They argue, and then papyrus says.

«  sans… JUST GET A LIFE! »

Sans is speechless.. he looses his humor.

So he goes to the town to find peace.

He wants to reset on his own, because the player has been absent since.

So to get the player’s attention, he had to … murder.

He kills in total 16 monsters.

But nobody came..

So he kills again.

But nobody came..

Sans have killed in total..the entire underground.

Still no one..

Sans is getting on the bad side. He looses his mind a bit- when a strange goop sound make his way to judge sans’s ears..

[ well well.. what do we have here? ]

Judge Sans is now part of nightmare’s band. He is the judge of the group. He judges the ennemis/ the victims and their weaknesses. By judging i mean that he manages to look into their souls or just look at the body language. And judges if they are good or bad. He’s a good advantage for his team.

Also, judge sans doesn’t like when people scream. Because papayurs ( the only person that he actually trusted ) screamed at him telling him to get a life.

He has violent impulse. Because of what he has done.

Judge sans don’t laugh at his jokes or other’s anymore.

He is distant, cold, and judgy towards his team. That’s all for now that I’m gonna say!

Enjoy!!

#sans undertale gone wrong #sans undertale #undertale #undertale fandom #nightmare sans #the bad team >:) #my own #original by me! #drawing #art #myself #meet the artist #oc ideas #original character #outfit #enjoy #judge sans

[damn-stark]

Ch.16 We Belong Together

Chapter 16 of Strange

A/N- ANGSTY CHAPTER AFTER ANGSTY CHAPTER. Enjoy friends :)

Warning- ANGST!!!!, swearing, FLUFF I REPEAT FLUFF, talks of weapons and death, blood and Injury, grief, LONG CHAPTER.

Pairing- Steve Harrington x Hopper!fem-reader

Episode- 4x07-4x08

(Let me know if you wanna be tagged)

————

Sure, the time to confess your unspoken feelings to Steve right now was pretty horrible considering where you currently are, but after what happened just now, after fearing that you almost lost him, you can’t hold back anymore. He needs to know.

Besides, if your own death is near at least he needs to be assured that the time he dedicated to you was never wasted, it was always and will forever be cherished.

“I…” you swallow thickly and speak softly. “I love you, more than anything. More than you know.”

Steve’s lips part, he blinks in surprise, and the only thing he can respond with in that moment is something witty. “That’s not what I thought you’d say.”

A soft scoff escapes your lips, and as you caress his cheeks with your thumbs his lips slowly break into a soft smile before he opens his mouth again in attempts to add something. “I—”

“Sorry to break the beautiful moment,” Robin cuts Steve off, “but do you guys think these bats have, like, rabies?”

Steve and you share a concerned look before you both look at Robin with the same confused and concerned faces.

“What?” Steve queries.

“It’s just that rabies are, like, my number one greatest fear. And I think we should probably get you to a doctor like, really soon….”

You slowly slip your hands off Steve’s face and your confused and concerned faces shift to slightly annoyed and perplexed

expressions. Just slightly.

“…because once symptoms set in,” Robin continues to ramble. “It’s too late. You’re already like, dead.”

You part your lips and draw in a small breath to talk back, but the sound of a bat chittering in the distance cuts you off and makes Robin, Eddie and Nancy get near Steve and you to watch as they begin to huddle around the gate.

“All right,” Steve says and lifts his arm to put it out in front of you for protection. “There’s not that many. We can take ‘em. Right?”

You glance at your makeshift weapon disregarded just a few inches in front of you after you were mesmerized by Steve killing that bat, and then glance up at the bats to agree with Steve. Yet, right when you were going to do so, more bats began to approach.

“You were saying?” Robin said.

“I vote run,” you voice your change of opinion now that more trouble than you can handle loomed. “There’s too many and it seems like they’re just…” you pause and narrow your eyes. “Protecting the gate?”

“The woods,” Nancy cuts in loudly. “Come on!”

Before anyone could debate her choice, she’s already taken a head start and forces you all to follow her through the woods for a few miles until you found the Upside Downs Skull Rock to take cover from the bats that kept flying above. It was actually very fucking terrifying hearing them overheard, knowing that at any second they could just dive down and attack.

Even when there was a minute of relief where it seemed that most passed, you couldn't help but stay on guard and tense.

“Oh…” Robin whispered as she poked her head out from under the rock. “Okay. That was close.”

“Yeah,” Eddie agrees in between pants. “Too close.”

You stand up straight and slowly walk out just far enough to see the sky better. “We aren’t out of the woods yet.” You mumble also in between exhausted pants.

“Hilarious,” Eddie quipped dryly.

You look over at him and shoot him a small smile and a wink. However, your amusement falls instantly the moment you catch Steve stumbling towards the wall and groaning breathlessly. “Oh, sh…shit.”

“Steve?” You call and rush to his side. “Hey…” you trail off the moment you notice the blood running out of his wounds.

“I’m fine,” he tried to assure you. “I’m fine.”

It can’t..it can’t be happening again. You didn’t even notice all the blood because you were running, but now that you do see it, you can’t help but actually grow nervous and petrified for his well-being. He looked and sounded bad and you didn’t even notice…It’s just…it can’t be a coincidence. After you told him you loved him.

“Y/N, I’m fine,” Steve said again after he noticed you were more afraid than he was.

You blink and look up at him to slowly shake your head before your words come out. “No, no, no. You’re not.” Your hands hover over his wounds while tears fill your eyes. “You’re losing blood.” You look behind him for a brief moment before you look at his wounds again and grab his shoulder to slowly guide him down. “Come on, sit, okay?”

Steve grunts and you instantly apologize as if it’s your fault. “I’m sorry. I'm sorry.” You pull your hands away from him and look down at yourself to check if you could use any part of your own clothes to use as some form of bandage, but you had left your skirt on the damn boat.

“Oh…” Robin whispers.

You snap your eyes towards her and watch her approach Steve all cautiously until Nancy pats your shoulder to point out the piece of fabric she was cutting off from her shirt. “Here. This will help for now.”

You nod. “Yeah, thanks.” You try to offer her a smile, but the corner of your lips just twitch since your concern latched onto you hard.

“So the good news is I’m pretty sure wooziness is not a common symptom of rabies.” Robin begins to say beside you and Steve, causing you to try and not to focus on her rabies topic as it didn’t sound outlandish now that Steve was weak and losing blood. “But if you start having hallucinations or muscle spasms, or you start feeling aggressive, like you wanna punch me or something, then you should totally let me know.”

You get it, she’s worried too, but you can’t handle her rambling right now that you’re worried and scared for Steve. The sound of your heart pounding in your ears, the memories that forced themselves to your head was all already bothersome enough, and adding Robin’s rambling to the mix made you feel more overwhelmed.

“Robin,” Steve cut in.

“Yeah?”

“I kinda wanna punch you.”

Robin lets out a nervous laugh and says, “sense of humor’s still intact. That’s a good sign.”

Steve nods and whispers, “yeah,” whilst you take Nancy's piece of fabric that she finally hands you.

“Thanks,” you repeat and let out a shaky breath before turning back to face Steve. “Okay, I’m sorry I don’t have anything else, you know like water, or alcohol, a good bandage, but this will work. It’ll stop your bleeding,” you say in hopes that it would. “You’ll be okay.”

Steve leans towards you and begins to watch you while you begin to bandage his torso as those memories play a lot more vividly in your mind now; the last time you told Sara you loved her and the moment they told you she passed. The first time you told your father you loved him after a long time and that exact moment Joyce told you without the need of any words that he didn’t make it.

You tried not to be negative now, it was just a little blood, but it was happening again after you told him that you loved him. Seeing how bad he’s hurt after he got attacked, hearing him in pain and having those memories play back just had a way to wound you so deep that it currently felt like someone was clutching your heart in their fist to get ready to just squish it at moments notice, your chest felt so tight that it felt hard to even breathe. You were the one supposed to be comforting Steve, but he’s the one assuring you.

“Hey, y/n, this kind of reminds me of when I helped you out, remember? Your first week in Hawkins?”

You finish wrapping the bandage and slowly let your eyes drift up to him to question him with just your look alone.

“After—”

“You almost ran me over,” you finish for him with a breathless chuckle. “Yeah.” You scoff and look back down to tighten the bandage.

The corner of Steve’s lip pull up after seeing you smile.

“Too tight?” You ask and once again drift your eyes up to him.

“No, that’s good.”

You nod and look down to draw in a breath and keep it trapped in your chest as you tie the ends of the fabric together. “All right,” you breathe out. “You’ll be okay,” you try to assure him again while you let yourself meet his gaze to say it again, but this time to assure yourself. “You’ll be okay.”

“I know, I will be,” he whispers as he holds your gaze. “Thanks.”

Even after confessing what you felt, you could still feel the same tension between the both of you; there's just so much you still needed to tell him. Things to assure him over, and strengthen your confession since you knew he was still somewhat unsure; you can see it in the way he looks at you, you can feel it too, it’s so obvious.

“And,” Steve continues with that smile. “I didn't almost run you over. Let’s get that clear.”

You keep your hands on his torso and smile wider. “You did. That’s what it is after someone swerves away from a body—”

“On the road,” he snaps. “You were in the road, on my road.”

“Public road. And I was on my skateboard, you were the one distracted,” you argue.

“Wait,” Robin interjects with an entertained smile. “You ran y/n over?”

Steve’s head snaps towards her and he points at her but immediately puts his hand down since it hurts his side. “No! Almost!”

“Aha!” You exclaim. “See. Told ya so.” You shoot him a smirk and end up sharing a longing look until Eddie’s voice interrupts the moment.

“So, uh, this place is like Hawkins, but with monsters and nasty shit?”

You slip your hand off Steve’s torso and grab his arm to swing it over your shoulder so you can help him out from under the rock, while Nancy answers Eddie. “Pretty much.”

“You okay?” You whisper up to Steve.

Steve nods and leans towards your ear to whisper. “Let’s talk later…if we get out that is—We will though.”

“Yeah,” you agree. “I was going to say the same thing.”

“Wait,” you hear Nancy say. “Watch out for the vines. It’s all a hive mind.”

“It’s all a what?” Eddie asks while he’s balancing himself on a rock.

“All the creepy crawlies around here, they’re, like, one or something. You step on a vine, you’re stepping on a bat, you’re stepping on Vecna.”

“Shit.” Eddie hisses.

“But everything from our world is still here, right?” Robin adds to Eddie’s question. “Except people? Obviously.”

Nancy continues to answer for the group. “As far as I understand it, yeah.”

“So, theoretically, we can go to the police station and steal guns and grenades and whatever we need to blow up those bat things that are guarding the gate.”

“Yeah,” Steve remarks to Robin’s comment. “I highly doubt Hawkins PD has grenades, Robin. But guns, yeah sure.”

You scoff and shake your head. “No, Hawkins PD is all the way downtown, it’s way too far to just walk out there. I mean who knows what else is out here, we need to find weapons somewhere else. I’m sure there's a house that has at least one gun or two. I mean my grandpa's cabin has a shotgun, and a hunting rifle, we can go there.”

Nancy looks over at you and shakes her head. “No, we don’t have to go all the way downtown or to your dad's cabin for guns. I have guns in my bedroom.”

Hm. Cool. Badass.

“You,” Eddie says as he hops down from the rock. “Nancy Wheeler, have guns, plural, in your bedroom?”

“Full of surprises, isn’t she?” Robin says with awe.

You sigh. “I mean with what we’ve dealt with, why wouldn’t she own guns? It’s smart. Good thinking, Nance.”

Nancy smiles at you and then continues with her comment. “I have a Russian Makarov and a revolver.”

“Yeah,” Steve scoffs and nudges you. “She almost shot me with that one.”

You blink and look over at him to question him. “Really?”

“Yeah, he almost deserved it.” Nancy adds in her defense, making you snicker until you’re cut off as Eddie throws his vest at Steve.

“For your modesty, dude.”

You smirk and part your lips to add something about keeping Steve shirtless, but Robin catches you right away and shuts you up. “No, don’t say a word.”

“Aw, sweetheart. Come on.” You try to be a bit lighthearted to try and calm down your nerves and shut up that fear that was poisoning your mind.

Robin shakes her head and makes you smirk deeper while you also feel Steve pull his arms away from your shoulder to begin putting on the vest. Yet, right when he was trying the ground suddenly began to shake, causing you to stumble back but keep balanced long enough to grab Nancy and keep her in your arms while the ground kept shaking.

“Oh, fuck,” you whisper through pants whilst you tighten your hold around Nancy and feel her hold on to your arm.

And of course, as if on cue, right as the ground stopped moving, those creatures are heard again, leaving a more tense silence and feeding that fear you all had.

“Yeah,” Eddie breaks the silence. “So, guns seem like a pretty idea to me.”

“Yeah,” Robin agrees. “Me too.”

Nancy pulls away from you and you walk back and turn away from the group to try and take in a few deep breaths, but Steve cuts in, “So what are we waiting for?” He pulls out his flashlight and turns it on to begin leading the group further into the woods.

——

“…and at the last moment the oldest sister jumped, hopped and ran in front of the evil wizards spell to save her youngest sister from the cruel fate—”

“Y/N.”

You look up from the book in your hands and see your mother barging in the hospital room with your father chasing after her. “Hey wait—”

“Momma?” You call in confusion. “What’s wrong?”

Your mother fixes her purse over her shoulder and doesn’t even glance at Diane in the corner, or at the little girl on the hospital bed beside you, her eyes are set strictly on you as her hand is extended towards you.

“It’s time to go. Now.”

You glance at Diane in the corner and then at your father behind your mother and hesitate since you still had another week to be here with Sara. Your mother came a week early.

“But momma—”

“No, buts y/n, it’s time to go. Now,” she insisted, causing your father to try and grab her arm to pull her out of the room to talk, but she just pulled her arm away from his grasp and looked back to whisper something you didn’t catch, but something that made him look over at you and your sister before he sighed and stepped inside the room to talk to you.

“Look, your mom is going to take you home now, okay?” He caresses your cheek and tries to smile. “We’ll call okay? Everyday. I’ll pick you up after Sarah is done with this round of chemo, okay? And we'll go to the beach together.”

You set the book down and frown, you want to argue, you want to cry against your mothers wishes, but you wanted to be strong for Sara, you didn’t want her to see you crying or fighting with your mother, so instead you nod slowly in agreement.

“Okay, you promise you’ll call?” You ask and meet his gaze.

Your father nods and places a kiss on the top of your head and whispers, “I love you. Say goodbye to your sister.” He pulls away to let you slide off your chair and get on the bed to do just as he said.

“I’m going to go with my mom now, okay, Sara? I’ll be back soon.” You assure her in a soft voice, and with a sweet smile on your face.

“Promise?” She asked quietly.

The smile on your face widens and your voice turns softer. “Pinky promise.”

Sarah beams at you and lets you wrap her in a gentle embrace that lets you share simple yet meanfigul and truthful words. “I love you so much, Sara.”

Said girl tightens her hold around you and giggles before she repeats your words with ease. “I love you too, sis.”

You stay in the embrace for a few more seconds before you have to pull away to slowly get off the bed and say goodbye to your father and Diane before your mother quickly whisks you out of the room as if in a rush, making Sara be the last thing you saw before the door shut behind you.

Unknowingly though, that would be the last thing you saw of her; that glimpse of the small wave, and her small happy smile that decorated her pale features before the door shut behind you. That I love you would be the last thing you’d ever tell her because just a few days later after no contact your father did call like he said he would, but not to talk to you, it was to talk to your mother in fact.

Right away you knew the call was strange, when they talked there was no arguing back and forth, the call was short, unbelievably so since they always tended to argue for a long time when he called.

“Momma,” you slowly call her out after you see her put the phone down and stay completely and utterly still. “Was it my dad?”

Your mother lets out a deep breath and stays with her back agaisnt you for a few more minutes until you begin to approach her to check if she’s okay. “Momma?”

“Y/N, my sweet girl…” she pauses, and then turns around to crouch in front of you to get to your eye level and hold your shoulders with this sad look in her eyes that makes her eyes gleam. “I have to tell you something.” She swallows thickly and sighs before she continues. “It’s Sara, she…she passed away….”

The rest of what she told you was lost, you failed to grasp anything else after her announcement. The days after that were a blur, you couldn’t recall most of the funeral anymore, all you could remember was those emotions you now recognized as grief and heartbreak. Most importantly, what was the most vivid memory was that last moment you shared with your sister.

What once was an endearing moment, has now turned sour and traumatizing because you solely poisoned such a sweet memory with your crippling fear and paranoia. But it was unintentionally done, and in your mind choosing to let the memory turn heart aching rather than letting it be comforting and happy was reasonable, in your own mind.

And now that you’ve told Steve what you felt, now that he’s wounded and in danger of dying, that same poison that tainted Sara’s memory and your fathers, was beginning to corrupt that little bit of happiness in a place surrounded by horror.

No matter how much you tried convincing yourself that he’d be fine now that you patched him up, you couldn’t help yourself from getting lost in that fear that fogged up your mind. It left you quiet while you made your way to Nancy’s house, or correction, the Upside Down version of her house. That same silence killed Robin, she wanted to wait for a better time but she couldn’t help herself anymore.

“So are we going to talk about it?” She asked as she fell to your side and let Nancy guide the way by herself.

You blink and slide your eyes over to her to question her with a quirked brow.

“What you told, Steve?” She explained herself and fianlly let you in on what she was referencing. “I mean from what I could grasp in your emotional letter to your dad, that was the thorn in your relationship, right?”

Wow.

“Uh,” you breathe out and nod stiffly as you’re left a bit baffled. “Yes.” You cross your arms over your chest and scoff. “You know, for someone who says she has trouble grasping some things, it was easy for you to figure out my relationship problems.”

Robin shrugs and smiles. “You guys are my friends, I have been rooting for the two of you since before you and I were even friends, I need this relationship to work. Having you guys fighting is like seeing my own parents fight, it’s traumatizing.”

You can’t help the amused smile that tugs on your lips after you scoff. Alas, that gesture gets tainted by those stupid dark feelings too and it just brings out your negatitvty. “I told him what I felt but at what cost? He’s hurt, I—”

“Shut up,” Robin blurts. “Shut up with that. The only curse here is Vecna. You, Y/N Hopper are not a curse, you are just a girl, a simple curseless girl, you hear me?” She meets your gaze as you keep walking after Nancy. “Your sister died because of that vicious cancer, you didn’t curse her. You father died being a hero, you didn’t curse him. The only thing you’ll curse is yourself if you keep thinking that way! And take it from someone who can’t help but take a negative spin on things!” She throws out her arms and exclaims, making you shush her so the others wouldn’t hear your conversation.

“Steve is walking on both feet, he’s alive thanks to you taking that jump,” she continues to tell you…or lecture you? You can’t tell her with her voice sounding almost angry and nervous at the same time.

“I mean, all you did was save him. So please stop, or else Vecna will use that against you, I mean he uses trauma against you, right?” Her voice turns a lot rougher this time. “He already has you as a potential victim, so if you keep thinking that way you’ll just be an easier target, I mean think about your sister! Do you really want her to attend another funeral? And I for one can’t stand thinking that I might lose you because you can’t get out of these stupid fake claims about yourself. I’m being serious, y/n, I can’t lose you, so please stop. Get your shit together, or I will slap you.”

Robin takes one last look at you and chooses to walk ahead to once again join Nancy, leaving you completely and utterly speechless—you never thought you’d get lectured by Robin out of all people. It was…well, it was kind of scary.

More scarier than the earthquake that hit only minutes after Robin walked off.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you curse under your breath and hold onto a tree while the ground kept trembling.

“Okay,” Robin began to comment while she was holding herself steady on the ground. “Second on my list of least favorite things, earthquakes. Seriously, I’m unsteady enough as it is.”

You groan and dig your nails into the tree bark to try and keep yourself standing as the shaking ground threatens to knock you down.

Well, at least you keep yourself steady until you watch Nancy walk off while the ground continues to shake, after that you push yourself off the tree and follow her until she's stopped just outside of the tree line.

“Nancy! Y/N!” Robin calls until she and the other two join Nancy and you to watch her house standing just across the field, surrounded by broken down transmission towers and a dark empty field of grass.

“Come on,” Nancy urged the group forward and continued to guide the group towards the eerie lonely house casted by dark clouds that produce loud red lightning strikes.

As you did follow, the group stayed clustered together just for a little while but everyone then broke away to walk at their own pace since all you’ve done for the past hours has just been walking, it provided a strain nobody complained about, but did feel.

The good thing was that the house wasn’t far anymore, but throughout that short walk you were left with a chance to find an excuse to talk with Steve since he was walking just a bit behind you.

“How are you holding up?” You ask whilst you wait for him to catch up to you so you can continue forward.

“Hurts a little less, but it’s still painful,” he shares and lets you push back part of the vest to check if he had bled more.

Which luckily he wasn’t.

“Well,” you sigh. “It doesn’t seem like you’re bleeding anymore, but let’s not add any strain or you know bump into it, ‘kay?” You look up at his neck and frown deeper at how deep the bat's tail had embedded in his skin. “This hurt?”

When you don’t receive an immediate answer you look up at him and catch that he’s already looking at you.

This look unlike the ones before was soft, not filled with any hostility after the arguments and misunderstanding you’ve had, this look still seeked something from you, but you could make out that twinkle in his eyes as he kept looking at you. And that slight change makes your heart skip a beat, it has you looking away all nervously, and has you letting go of his side.

“She talked to you? Robin, I mean?” He utters quietly so she wouldn’t hear. “I saw you guys deep in conversation just a bit ago.”

You draw out a deep breath and nod. “More like she lectured me about some stuff, it was scary, like, I have never actually seen her mad before.”

“You?” Steve probes. “Made her mad? What did you do to her?”

You shrug. “I think I annoyed her, like, I was really surprised.” You shake your head and meet his gaze to laugh. “It was really scary. I’m not lying, don’t make her mad.”

Steve scoffs and nods along. “Got it.” He proceeds to let out a sigh and slows down his pace just a bit since you’re closer to Nancy's house—“we’re good right? I mean we have things to talk about, but we’re good right?”

Without an ounce of hesitation you nod. “Yeah. I mean, are we?” You stop in your steps and only take a small glimpse of the others as they walk inside, before you return your gaze back to Steve as he stops in front of you too.

“I mean after you just saved me back there, yes we are.” He begins to smile. “It’s not everyday I see you stabbing a bat with a broken oar to save me, I mean that was fucking badass.” He grins now and makes you begin to smile and get all hot and nervous as if he’s never complimented you before. “I mean, baby, I was impressed, maybe a little turned on too. And that flip you did with the oar, it was cool as hell.”

You drop your head and bite the inside of your cheek before you perk up and beam at him “I made that bat my bitch!”

Steve snorts and wants to judge your choice of words, but he’s too amused to say anything. “You definitely made that bat your bitch.”

“What can I say?” You say all smugly and then hit right back with some compliments of your own. “Let’s not leave you out because damn! I mean, you don’t need a laser watch when you have brute strength, I mean, it was hot, the way you just swung it and then smacked it on the ground. That was amazing.”

Steve shrugs with nonchalance and answers all cockily. “What can I say? I was being the hero the group needed.”

“Total American hero,” you sweet talk him, making him break into a soft chuckle as he nods in agreement with his hands on hips.

“If Dustin could see us now. Total American heroes.” He licks his lips and holds your gaze in that silence that follows to lean in and lift one hand to reach for your face, but just when he was close he pulled it back to brush his hair back instead. “Are you doing okay?”

Slowly your smile begins to fall at the sound of his question, and the weight it carried returned to your chest. You thought of lying to assure him, but you remembered what Robin said, what Nancy said and what…Miss Vasquez said as well and decided to lean towards the truth. Especially because he’s still here after you confessed.

“Just a bit scared,” you sigh and hold his gaze. “But besides that, yes, I’m okay. You’ll let me know if you’re feeling anything else, right?” You ask and glance at his bandage. “Any symptoms that are out of the ordinary.”

Steve nods. “I will, but don’t worry, I’m good. I’m all good.”

You draw in a deep breath and nod even if you carry the concern and doubt on your face.

“You’ll let me know if you feel anything Vecna related, right?” He also asks, letting you slowly exhale.

“I will,” you agree. “I mean if not you’ll definitely know right?” You snicker.

Steve’s eyes narrow to shoot you a pointed glare before he shakes his head. “No, no, not funny.” He pulls away and turns to walk inside the house with you trailing right behind him and contradicting him.

“It’s a little funny. I mean get it cause I’ll—”

“Shh.” Steve cuts you off, causing your face to contort to express annoyance and discontent.

“Wh—”

“Shh, you hear that?” Steve whispers and points his flash towards the dark vines that decorated the inside of Nancy’s house, whilst he kept slowly treading forward.

You try to strain your ears while you cautiously follow after him, but you still don’t catch anything….

Is it his rabies?

“Steve, I don’t hear shit, maybe try to tell me what we’re hearing so I can know. Unless it’s what Robin said you’d feel.”

Steve peers back at you and flashes his light on your face, making you shield your eyes and miss that complete shocked look on his face as he finally let you in. “It’s Dustin.” He flashes his light away and continues to walk around.

At first, you still couldn’t catch a thing, it made you worry heighten, to the point you were going to sit him down and try and do something about it, but just then, right when you approached Steve and opened your mouth, you heard Dustin. He sounded far though, a bit muffled, as if he was at the other side of some room. You can’t lie and say it isn’t relieving to hear his voice.

“Dustin!” Steve called loudly. “Dustin!”

You look around in the hopes you’d find a way to communicate back without sounding a bit crazy like Steve next to you, but there was literally nothing but vines and useless junk.

“Du—Hello? Hel…Hello?”

“Y/N?” You hear Nancy call you from behind.

When you look back you see her and the other two watching Steve trying to communicate with his young child friend with concern.

“What’s going on? Is he okay?”

You smile and sound just as crazy as Steve. “We can hear Dustin’s voice from the other side.” You sigh at Steve’s continuous attempts. “We’re trying to talk back, but well…” you trail off and look back at Steve.

“Steve, what are you doing?” Nancy asked and gained his attention.

“He’s here,” he shared and spins around to point his flashlight at the group. “Henderson, that little shit, he’s here. He’s like…he’s in the wall or something. Just listen.” He then goes quiet for a bit and puts his hand behind his ear—“It’s Dustin.”

“It’s true, the little fucker is here.” You say in support of his claims and shoot them a smile that just receives more strange looks.

“You guys are a strange couple,” Eddie mutters with his eyebrows furrowed.

You scoff and get ready to snap back, but Steve continues to yell so it forces you to turn and instead address him. “Steve, he won’t hear you, try something else! And be careful with the vines!” You continue to follow Steve to try and find something while he continues to yell.

When the others finally hear the voices, they begin to try and get Dustin’s attention too.

But they also get nothing.

“All right, either this kid can’t hear us or he’s being a total douchebag,” Steve grumbles.

You blink and part your lips to gasp as a thought suddenly barges out from the depths of your head. “Will found a way.”

Steve and Nancy look over at you and he questions you. “What?”

You drift your eyes over to them and continue. “Joyce told me what happened, she said Will found a way to speak to her through the lights!” You then focus on Nancy to ask for reassurance. “Right? I’ve been trying to remember, but I didn’t get it ‘till now!”

The look on Nancy’s face turns from perplexed to surprised and a bit excited. “Exactly!” She exclaims and then runs towards a lamp to try and turn it on, but it wouldn’t work, not even when she tried the switch.

“It’s not working.”

You turn and look around again until Steve’s voice made you turn to face him. “Guys? You seeing this?” He keeps his flashlight pointed ahead of him which causes you to look over at his target. Which turned out to be…just a chandelier.

A chandelier that’s dimly lit.

“No way,” you muse with an impressed smile before you slowly step towards the light to see that there was some type of sparkling hue that blanketed the chandelier. It was sort of…pretty, mesmerizing, not enough to stick your fingers in it, but Nancy did anyway, luckily nothing bad happened to her hand. She just kept waving it around and actually made it tempting to you and the others too.

Even if you were a bit skeptical considering this was the Upside down, you slowly let your hand get pulled towards the light just as the others tried to touch that hue too. And instead of feeling a heat like you thought you would, you felt that….well whatever substance that covered the light softly tickle your fingers.

“It…tickles,” Steve mused what you had in mind.

“It kinda of feels good,” you voice out instead.

“Does anyone know Morse code?” Nancy suddenly asks the group.

You slowly lower your gaze from the light and look over at her to nod. “Yes. I do.” You lower your hand and feel everyone’s stares on you now. “What?” You quip. “My dad taught me a long time ago.”

Eddie scoffs and lifts his hands when you look over at him. “We didn’t say anything, it’s cool that’s all. Really, I’m being honest, it’s cool.”

You look away from him and glance at the light before letting your eyes go from face to face before you speak. “We should keep the message short and sweet so it’s easier to pass. Any ideas?”

“How about SOS?” Eddie suggests.

“Yeah,” you agree right away. “It works.”

Before wasting more time you lift your hand again to tap your fingers through the hue to send out the message. With each second that passes though, the more you grow frustrated when you wouldn't get a response. Not because your hand was getting tired of being extended for a long period of time, but because you could hear Dustin’s voice and got nothing.

A few minutes pass with nothing and it only aggravates you more, until finally you catch the right commotion.

“It’s working.” Robin points out what was becoming known.

You continue nonetheless until finally there's a response. “Just hold on!”

You sigh in relief and let a small grin tug on your lips.

“Tell them to get my sisters Lite Brite, we can communicate that way.” Nancy ordered.

You nod immediately and pass the message by just spelling out the object to keep the message short.

“Right!” You hear Dustin’s muffled response seconds after. “Right! Go to Nancy’s room!”

Without waiting anymore Nancy runs over to get the Lite Brite and then you continue to run to her room to wait for the others to communicate back. Which in their defense didn’t take that long, but you were getting impatient to see if this plan would work so it felt like an eternity when it was just mere minutes.

“Come on. come on,” Steve whispered beside your ear.

You exhale deeply and clench your jaw until the moment a dim light finally glows from the Lite Brite, and Dustin’s voice follows to echo out. “You guys seeing this?”

Slowly you let your jaw loosen from its tight hold and can’t help but let out a breathless and relieved laugh while Nancy waved her hand over the light as a response that earns a recognizable happy chuckle for an answer.

“We’re not moving it,” Dustin’s voice continues to sound out. “But we’re gonna unplug it. Stand by….yank it.”

The light lost its hue, but the plan to communicate continued. “Okay, try it now!” Dustin shouts.

Nancy nods and whispers, “Okay,” and proceeds to focus on the object in front of her to first spell out ‘Hi’, and then leave the group waiting for something to be said back.

“Okay, come on,” you mumble and clasps your hands together as you wait impatiently. “Come on.”

Just moments after your comment, there's a confirmation, “that worked!”

Your lips break into a grin once more and out of excitement you grab Nancy's shoulders and shake her to celebrate your small win.

Yet, no one could be fully relieved yet, there was still more to say in order to get help to get out.

“Okay, uh, uhm,” Nancy muttered after the excitement between the five of you faded away so you could concentrate on the plan in hand again.

This time Nancy spelled out, “Stuck,” and an answer was quickly given.

“Stuck!”

“Yes,” Steve agreed.

“We are,” Robin added, whilst Eddie hummed and nodded, and you smiled softly out of happiness and couldn’t help but clasp your hands together to press the side of your knuckle against your lips since you were also very anxious.

“Uh,” Dustin begins to speak again. “You can’t get back through Watergate?”

Your eyebrows scrunch together at the name of the gate and you share a confused look with Eddie since he was beside you.

“What the hell’s Watergate?” Steve voiced the question you and Eddie had in mind.

“‘Cause it’s in water and its gate,” Robin surprisingly is the one to explain the logic.

You scoff and compliment her rather than Dustin’s name of choice. “Nice.”

“Oh.”

“That’s cute,” Eddie says too.

Steve nods. “Right.”

“Uh, no,” Nancy denies Dustin outloud before she spells out, “GUARDED.”

“Uh, okay. Uh, Watergate’s guarded.” Dustin pieced it together and earned more responses and supportive reactions—“I think we have a theory that can help with that!” Dustin continues to say.

“Genius child,” Robin whispered.

“I’m telling you!” You exclaim out of genuine pride.

“We think Watergate isn’t only the gate. That there’s a gate at every murder site.” Dustin finishes his commmnt, causing Nancy to let out a confused reaction.

“Does anybody understand what he’s talking about?”

You fix your posture and lean towards her to try and explain what you were understanding as it was getting shared. “Maybe everytime Vecna finished a kill, a gate was left where the curse was completed, I mean where the body was left. No? It’d make sense.”

There were more stares directed at you, so you shrug and doubt yourself. “Just a theory.”

“Maybe,” Nancy says before she draws a question mark just in case you’d be wrong.

“Okay!” Dustin exclaimed with an attuitde that was easily detected. “How many times do I have to be right on the money before you guys just trust me?!”

You scoff and shake your head at his tone.

“Jesus Christ,” Steve remarks on Dustin. “This kids gotta get his ego checked.”

“It’s his tone, right?” Eddie adds.

You lean forward to nod quickly and agree with the boys. “Yes! I know, huh!”

“Okay, so…” Nancy changes the subject back to the problem. “So how far is your trailer?”

“Seven miles,” Eddie quickly answered.

They should’ve listened to you. You were right! You were right!

“Nancy?” Robin calls out. “Uh, I know your house here is, like, weirdly, creepily frozen in time and shit, but haven’t you always had bikes?”

A knowing look is shared between all of you before Nancy tells Dustin about going to Eddie’s house as the last message before you went for the bikes in the garage.

“I told you guys,” you gloat while you get on a bike. “I told you guys that’s what it was, no one ever listens to me.”

Robin climbs on hers and huffs. “Sorry,” she says. “We should’ve known. I'm sorry for the lack of belief.”

Steve opens the garage before he climbs on his bike, while you shoot Robin a smirk before you face the dark eerie outside.

“Okay,” Nancy says after a deep shaky breath. “We stay together, don't fall behind and don’t go off on your own. Whatever you might see signal out to the group, got it?”

Without the need to share another word everyone shares an agreeing and knowing look before you face the outside again, and hesitate.

No matter how different you all were, what your relationships currently were to each other, the one thing you knew you all felt was fear. No one could hide that, not even the bravest of the group, not even if it’s what everyone tried to express, fear is a shared and understanding feeling, no one judged each other for that, like no one judged each other for hesitating to leave.

In any case it’s that shared fear that actually made you all braver in ways, since you knew that you all felt the same, you knew that you had one another to rely on. That fear bonded you in some ways too. Rather than letting it paralyze and get to you, you let it move you forward towards your destination, it lets you try to accomplish your plan to get out.

The one thing that could’ve actually stopped you was the seven miles you had to bike without any breaks. It was a fucking killer on your legs no matter how much you tried to exercise. It made arriving at Eddie's house a fucking pleasure.

“That’s gotta be a Guinness World Record.” Robin somehow had enough breath to say after you all got off your bikes. “Most miles traveled interdimensionally.”

Your breaths are deep and fast, and your heart is pulsing unbelievably fast.

“Just inhaled a bunch of that crap,” Steve shared and then coughed. “It’s stuck in my throat.”

You gasp for air and accidentally do the same as he did.

“Oh, fuck,” you groan and then begin coughing too.

“Did you not hear what I just said?” Steve snapped at you while you made your way inside. “Careful!” He proceeds to hit your back so it would be easier to cough out what you inhaled. “Jesus.”

You hit your chest and clear your throat to try and get it wet after your cough dried you out. “Never doing that again. We should’ve worn a mouth cover, we know this.”

“Yeah except it, like, makes it hard to breathe,” Steve says and you actually couldn’t help but agree, except you didn’t get the chance to voice it since the sight of the glowing red gate on Eddie’s ceiling left you speechless.

“Goddamn,” Steve says in a change of tone before he turns off his flashlight since the red glowing gate provided enough light.

“This is where Chrissy died,” Eddie shares without giving a hint of any emotion he could feel at the memory of what he saw. “Like, right where she died.”

The gate began to make this wet squelching noise that makes your nose scrunch out of disgust, but has you inching closer to Steve out of intensifying fear.

“I think there’s something in there,” Robin pointed out.

The noise gets louder and now something slowly begins to bulge out of the gate—“What the hell is that?” You remark and hold onto Steve’s hand as the thing suddenly stops moving, leaving you in a tense silence until the moment the thing that lurked at the other side broke through since you all screamed out of surprise while you backed away at the same time.

Now, however, that bright red hue the gate provided was gone and a bright white light beamed down. Rather than waiting for something more to happen, you slowly began to approach it with your group and your hand clutching onto Steve’s arm.

You of course didn’t walk too close out of caution, but Steve did. Of course. “Wait,” you whisper to him as he begins to step away, making your hand begin to slide down his arm the further he gets. “Steve, just wait.”

Said man holds onto your hand once your hand slides down and pulls you with him towards the gate while the others slowly follow behind. And since Steve was the one ahead he’s the one that caught what was on the other side first.

“No way,” he voiced out the shock he now felt.

Once you made your way under the gate you were relieved to see Dustin, Max, Lucas and Erica just on the other side.

“Hi there,” Dustin greeted after his chuckle.

The fear you felt subsided and a relieved and happy smile decorates your features now at the sight of your friends.

“Hi,” you greet back with a small wave, just like the others did.

“Holy shit,” Robin muses. “This is trippy.”

“Tell me about it,” you say breathlessly while you slowly let go of Steve’s hand.

“Bada. Bada-Boom!” Dustin exclaimed.

Now that you were here, what followed was getting to the other side. It seemed like it would be difficult since the gate was tricky to get through since it was on the ceiling, yet it turned out you were wrong, or really, Dustin tried to contradict your doubt; he said he planned something, but he only vaguely shared it and just left you guys to watch glimpses of from the other side instead.

The only real hint you had was when Lucas and Max returned with a mattress to leave on the floor just under the gate.

“We’re going to have to jump on that dirty mattress aren't we?” You mumble to yourself.

“Those stains are, uh,” Eddie interjects before Steve could comment on your question. “I dunno what those stains are.”

You glance back at the mattress and scrunch your nose in disgust when you spot how big they actually are; and there's so many of them too.

Gross.

“Mmm,” Robin groans.

Since you’re left in anticipation you stay quiet and just grow impatient as you always do. You wait and wait and wait, until finally Dustin appears under the gate and gets on the mattress with a rope in his hand made out of tied up sheets.

“I’m not sure how these are going to work, but uh,” you can hear him say before he hurls the rope of sheets through the gate.

And instead of falling back after he lets it go, the rope stays hanging down and steady.

“What a fucking genius,” you say in awe.

“All right,” he directs at your group, “pull on it! See if it holds!”

You all share a quick look before Robin pulls on the rope to confirm its efficiency.

“Okay,” you say and look between your group. “Who wants the honors of going first?”

A silence passes where no one moves or says anything, looks are the only things that’s passed until Robin is the first one to step forward. “Guess I’m the guinea pig.”

You draw in a deep breath and offer her an assuring smile. “Be careful,” you breathe out before you begin to watch her pull herself up the rope.

She struggles at first, but when she successfully makes it through the other side she lets gravity pull her down to the mattress without a scratch on her.

“Good,” you whisper after you see her get pulled off the mattress, letting Eddie go next, and then leaving you with the same relief once you see him land successfully too. After that Nancy looked at you and Steve and pushed you to go next.

Yet you declined. “No, I’ll stay back with Steve, you go next. I’ll follow.”

Nancy doesn’t argue back and makes sure to share one last thing to Steve and you. “See you on the other side.”

“On the other side,” Steve responded and left you to wait for her to grab the rope to climb out.

However, instead of moving, Nancy suddenly went incredibly still, it almost looked like she even stopped breathing, you couldn’t understand why she stood so frozen until you saw her eyes roll back.

“Nancy!” You call out loudly and rush to her to grip onto her shoulders so you could shake her. “Nancy! Hey, hey!”

Steve falls by your side and tries to shake her too whilst he also tries to reach her with his voice too. “Stay with us. Nancy! Hey! Nancy, wake up!

“Nancy!” You cry with a crack in your voice “Nancy!” You look over at Steve with your eyes wide and gleaming with tears formed out of panic and more fear. “Steve, tell them to give us music! Do you know what she likes?!”

Steve parts his lips and gapes like a fish before he blurts. “I don’t know!“

“You dated her!” You snap.

Steve shrugs and spats. “A long time ago!”

You roll your eyes and just spat back. “Then just get whatever! Anything! Just get music!”

Quickly Steve steps back to yell out what you needed, only to see that some of the others were already trying to do just that.

“Nancy!” You keep trying to snap her out of the trance. “Come on! Please! Nancy!” You grab the sides of her head and continue to shake her. “Nancy!” You bellow. “Come on!”

“Whatever you guys are doing, hurry up!” Steve continued to yell out.

You swallow thickly and move your hands back to her shoulders before peering back at Steve. “Try, maybe you can—”

“Do what?!” Steve exclaimed, “sing her awake!”

You thought that maybe hearing his voice would help, but no he decided to have an attitude about it!

“Never mind,” you huff and look back at Nancy. This time though, you catch her gasp and see her eyes return to normal. “Nancy!”

Said girl begins to fall down and Steve secures his hands on her shoulders to go down with her.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” you assure while you fall by her side too. “It’s okay, you’re okay. We’re here. We’re right here.”

Steve and you give Nancy a moment to catch her breath before Steve continues to help her up the rope again. This time you catch your breath until you see her actually land on the mattress on the other side. “Oh, thank goodness,” you breathe out and finally take your turn. “See you,”

“On the other side,” Steve finished for you and then helped you up the rope so you could climb out.

Once you break through the gate, it feels like a pressure weighing you down, everything and everyone in the bright and vineless room was flipped upside down until you let go to fall on the mattress.

“Oh,” you breathe out. “I’m okay.” You glance up and see Dustin offer you his hand to pull you up so Steve could finally get out too.

“Thanks buddy,” you thank Dustin with a small smile once you have your feet on the floor.

Not long after, Steve fell on the mattress too and got rid of that single worry that knotted your stomach, because it would be impossible to rid you of all the worry that currently held you captive. At least seeing that you were all out of the Upside Down shifted some of that weight off your body. At least for a little while.

Morning came not so long after you made it out of the upside down, and while the sun slowly rolled out of its own slumber you took the chance to take a short nap on the couch. However, just like the last time you slept, your father didn’t return to your dreams, you hoped you’d feel a sort of happiness amongst all the chaos, but no, Hopper didn't visit this time.

Was that Vecna’s attempts at providing you with nightmares? Because it’s working.

At least you didn’t wake up alone today. Not like seeing everyone’s tired and haunted faces was a good thing to wake up to though. It was especially devastating when you saw how petrified Nancy continued to look, it’s why you saved her for last when you checked in on everyone.

“Hey,” you whisper and take a seat beside her.

Nancy slowly lifts her eyes and just offers you a feigned smile as a response.

“I’d ask how you’re holding up, but I know better than to ask that, so, here,” you say and offer a glass of water and a poptart. “Drink and eat. Gotta stay strong, right?”

Nancy looks over at everyone to check that they each have their own pop tart and drink in hand before she takes it from you to take a small bite, and a sip from her drink. At least it was something.

“Can I ask if you felt anything before? Symptoms?”

Nancy's chest rises and slowly falls back down before she answers. “No…I didn’t feel or see anything before. He just got me.”

You swallow thickly and loop your headphones string around your finger and hum as a response.

“Thank you,” Nancy said and pulled your drifting attention back to her. “For checking up on me, I mean since I know how you feel about me.”

You scoff and glance at Steve dusting the crumbs off his pants before looking back at Nancy and attempting to assure her. “Yeah, well, I was wrong. I’m sorry.” You smile softly. “I was insecure because of all the shit I’m dealing with so I’m sorry.”

Nancy mirrors that smile and then takes another bite of her poptart, letting you continue. “No one’s going to force you to say what you saw, so don’t worry about that. Just…take it one step at a time. Whenever you feel it’s right.”

There's a short silence that lets you shift back in your seat and space off on the ceiling to focus your worry on Eleven—she must be worried, you haven’t been able to call her. You wonder if she’s doing okay after the incident, you hope she knows that you aren’t ashamed of her, or angry.

There is times where you wish she was here, it’d make dealing with all this shit so much easier, but there's a majority of times where you’re actually glad that she’s home and currently out of contact, it did provide more trouble but at least she was safe. Even if she's in trouble herself, at least she’s not risking her life, she’s safe, that’s all you could ask for so you wouldn’t lose her too.

“Okay,” you hear Nancy mutter, causing you to break from your train of thought. “I’m ready to share what I heard, or what he showed me.” She pauses and breathes out shakily before she continues to say Vecna’s life story, how he came to be, how he was the one that murdered his family, how he got to be the first ever test subject for Hawkins lab.

Nancy told everyone what he had told her, how he met eleven and tried to persuade her to join him, how he was the one that killed all the other kids like Eleven. She said how Eleven was the one that casted him out to the Upside down. He then told her something else, something so tragic and horrifying that Nancy had to take a break to gather her thoughts before she could continue.

“He showed me,” she continues in a hoarse voice. “Things that haven’t happened yet. The most awful things. I saw a dark cloud spreading over Hawkins. Downtown on fire. Dead soldiers. And this…giant creature with…a gaping mouth. And this creature wasn’t alone.”

Your breath shutters and your stomach once again begins to knot together.

“There were so many monsters,” Nancy continued to tell. “An army. And they were coming into Hawkins. Into our neighborhoods. Our homes…”

You let out a deep sigh and hang your head low. You might not live here anymore, but this place was special, Steve lived here, Robin, Dustin, Max and all your other friends lived here too. Hawkins in ways was still your home too. It was scary to hear her words, it was hard to process every horrible word.

“…and then…he showed me my mom…and Holly. Mike. And they…they were all…” Nancy stops and her breath continues to tremble, she doesn’t cry from what you could tell, but you could hear the heartbreak in her voice.

“Okay, but,” Steve spoke up. “He’s just trying to scare you, Nancy. Right? I mean…I mean it’s not real.”

“Not yet,” Nancy retorted in a sad tone. “But there…there was something else. He showed me gates. Four gates. Spreading across Hawkins. And these gates, they looked like the one outside of Eddie’s trailer, but they didn’t stop growing. And this wasn’t the Upside down Hawkins. This was our Hawkins. Our home.”

You blink repeatedly in disbelief and rub your face before you drop your hands and look up with a gleam in your eyes.

“Four chimes,” Max interjected. “Vecna’s clock. It always chimes four times. Four exactly.”

“I heard them too,” Nancy mentioned.

“He’s been telling us his plan this whole time.”

“Four kills,” Lucas mutters after Max. “Four gates. End of the world.”

“If that’s true he’s only one kill away.” Dustin points out, making your breath hitch, making you feel a deafening silence surround you, and feel everyone’s stares pierce into your skin.

Maybe instead of losing Eleven and Steve, they’re going to lose you.

That knowledge slammed into you now more harder than ever before. It felt almost impossible before when there was more hope, but now, now that Nancy has shared this, now that you realize what’s to come, you break all over again; quietly this time.

“Oh Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.” Eddie panicked.

“Y/N,” Steve says. “Try ‘em again. Try ‘em again.”

You nod and walk over to the house to try and call home.

But of course the line fucking rang and no answer. It makes you slam the phone back on the wall.

“Anything?” Dustin queried.

You shake your head and huff. “No. It rang a few times, then went to busy signal. Again,” you grumble.

“Maybe you punched it in wrong.” Steve countered. “Try again.”

Your face twists and you shoot him a glare before you rebut his comment. “I think I’d know my own home number, Steve.”

Steve shrugs and argues back. “Well, I don’t know—”

“I think she knows how to use a phone,” Dustin adds to your defense.

“I’m just saying, she could’ve typed it in wrong.” Steve countered.

You roll your eyes and try calling again, but once again, nothing.

“Same shit,” you make it known before you return to your seat.

“How is that possible?” Lucas questioned, causing you to shrug and drop your head in your hands.

“I told you Joyce has this telemarketer job. She’s always on the phone. Mike won’t stop whining about it.”

“Okay, yeah,” Max adds her own thoughts. “But the phone’s been busy for, what, three days now?”

“Yes,” you mumble.

“It's not Joyce,” Max finishes. “No way. Somethings wrong.”

You pick up your head and nod in agreement even if you didn’t like to admit it. “She’s right, it can’t be just a coincidence. I mean,” your voice trembles. “I want it to be, but it can’t be.”

“Whatever’s happening in Lenora,” Nancy interjects, “is connected to all of this. I’m sure of it. But Vecna can’t hurt them. Not if he’s dead. We have to go back in there. Back to the Upside Down.”

Your eyebrows furrow together slowly and your eyes widen, whilst your lips part open in surprise to her sudden change in tone and demeanor.

“Whoa, whoa, no, no, no. What?” Steve protests.

“Nope,” Eddie also says whilst Steve stands up and walks over to Nancy to try and talk her out of it.

“Let’s think this through.”

“What is there to think through?” Nancy remarked.

“We barely made it out of there in one piece. And y/n—”

“Yeah, because we weren’t prepared,” Nancy cuts him off. “But this time, we will be. We’ll get weapons and protection. We’ll go through the gate, we’ll find his lair, and we’ll kill him.”

“Or he'll kill us,” Steve snapped back. “The only reason you survived is because he wanted you to.”

“What about y/n?!” Nancy threw out, making you want to add something, but Steve snapped right back.

“That’s not fair, and you know it!”

“You’re going to let him take her too!” Nancy argued. “If we don’t stop him he’ll kill her too! He’s her last target!”

A scowl grows on Steve’s face and he takes a threatening step towards Nancy to keep fighting. “Which is why I won’t put her at risk! We’ll find another way. He’s not scared of us.”

“And for good reason,” Robin stood up to also add in the conversation. “We were wrong about Vecna. Henry. One. Sorry, what are we calling him now?”

Everyone chimes in with their own thoughts that don’t agree on one name, leaving Robin to just ramble on. “Right. We’ve learned something new, about Vecna, slash Henry, slash one. He’s a number like Eleven, only a sick, evil child-murder Iike version of her with really bad skin. But my…my point is, he’s super powerful, he could turn us inside out with a snap of his fingers. It’s not a fair fight.”

“Then why fight fair?” Dustin suggests. “You’re right. He’s like Eleven. But that gives us an upper hand. We know Eleven’s strengths. And weaknesses.” He points out.

“Weaknesses?” Erica repeats sassily.

“When El remote-travels, she goes into this sort of trance-like state. I bet that’s true with Vecna.”

Slowly you shut your mouth and begin to narrow your eyes on him and then Lucas as he bounces in too. “That would explain what he was doing in that attic.“

“Exactly.” Dustin points at Lucas. “When he attacks his next victim, I’ll bet you he’s back in the attic, physical body defenseless.”

“Defenseless?” Steve remarks. “What about the army of bats?” He traces out the scar around his neck.

“True,” Dustin deadpanned. “We’ll have to find a way past them. Distract them somehow.”

Eddie leans forward from his seat to also throw in his own doubt. “And, uh, how do we do that, exactly?”

Dustin shakes his head. “No idea. But once they’re gone, he doesn’t stand a chance. It’ll be like slaying sleeping Dracula in his coffin.”

“That all sounds good in theory,” Robin comments, “but there is no pattern to Vecna’s killings. I mean, at least, not one that I can decipher. We don’t know when he’s going to attack next.”

“Yes we do,” you interject and stand up. “I’m down to my third day. He’s going to attack me next.”

“Y/N,” Steve protests softly. “No, whatever you’re planning, no.”

You look over at him and sigh. “We know who he is, how he got to where is, what kind of sister would I be if I didn’t risk myself to help my sister from this monster? Who would I be to let my home perish? If I let him come back for Max? I’ll be the bait. As far as we know he hasn’t hurt Eleven yet, I don’t want to make that a possibility. I agree with Nancy with this plan.”

“Y/N,” Steve calls again and walks over to you. “What kind of sister would you be if you’re gone? She needs you….” he pauses and leaves his lips parted and formed into the next word he’s going to say, he leaves you waiting to hear what he was going to say.

But alas he looked at everyone around him and lowered his gaze to keep those words trapped within him instead.

In any case Max did interrupt.

“We don’t have time to wait, we can use me. I’m still marked….”

Your breath gets trapped in your throat and your eyes pierce into her.

“…Cursed. I ditch Kate Bush. I draw his focus back to me.”

“Max,” Lucas tried to protest agasint her too. “You can’t. He’ll kill you.”

“I survived before,” Max argues in an attempt to assure him. “I can survive again. I just need to keep him busy long enough so that you guys can get into that attic. Then you can chop his head off. Stab him in heart. Blow him up with some explosives Dustin cooks up. I honestly, I don’t care how you put this asshole in his grave. Just…whatever It is…whatever you do….try not miss.”

A short sullen silence follows, but you can’t stand being quiet with what Max wants to do. “No. I will not let you risk your life. You’ve been through it once, you survived, you won’t go through it again. I won’t let you. I’ll just be the bait.”

Max scoffs and doesn’t hold back. “We can’t wait. We don’t know when Vecna might attack you. It could be in two days or now. We can’t put that at risk, at least with me we know he’ll attack again.”

You shake your head and continue. “No. No! Max you can’t—”

“I’m making my own choices, you can make sure to finish him off before he kills me or something, I don’t know. But Steve’s right, Eleven needs her sister, I’ll be the bait and that’s final.”

“But—”

Max quickly cuts you off more aggressively this time. “No. I told you it happens tonight. No buts. It’s my choice that I’ll live with, or else I’ll make sure to break your legs myself.”

You close your mouth and get stunned by her threat.

“Okay, well,” Steve groans. “Where did get these weapons? Our local armory?”

Eddie slowly stands up and shakes his head. “No,” he begins to share. “I know a place we can go. Red, give me the yellow pages.”

——

In theory going to some place called the War Zone should be a bad idea to buy weapons from. It’s just who in their right minds would sell a bunch of weapons to a group of minors and busted up looking adults.

And! Why would you risk yourselves going there when there's people after Eddie?!

It isn’t a good idea.

Yet here you were on your way there with a stolen RV. Yet another crime to add to Eddie’s list.

“Come on, come on,” you mumble impatiently while you search the cabinets for any kind of edible food. “There has to be some—ah,” you breathe out when you see a pack of closed crackers. “Here you go.” You take the pack and beam at the cracker when you take it out.

“I wouldn’t eat that,” Eddie butts in, making you jump slightly.

You close the cabinet and put the cracker in your mouth with a smug smile, causing him to prop a hand on the counter and begin to watch you as you chewed the food a lot longer than usual. “How is it?”

You swallow the dry cracker down your throat and nod slowly before you hoarsely answer. “Stale.” You clear your throat and turn to lean back on the counter and offer him one.

Eddie takes one regardless and then points at you to talk with his mouth full. “A little birdy told me you graduate this year. Says that he’s surprised considering you spend half of your time flirting with your boy toy. True?”

You nod and take a bite from another cracker. “Yeah. I do with a three point six and with honors, I heard you’re, uhm getting held back another year, true?” You tease him.

Eddie scoffs. “No, today is my year princess, my future currently looks bleak but,” he says with a smug pride. “I am going to walk on that stage and throw the bird…” he flips off the air. “…at everyone that doubted my efforts.”

You chuckle softly and throw in the other half of the cracker. “That’s how you do it exactly. It’s a nice plan. What’s your plan after highschool?” You smile. “You going to join a band of misfits and travel the world with your guitar?”

Eddie scoffs and smiles at the ground. “That doesn’t sound half bad actually. Just me and my guitar. What about you?”

You scoff and shrug. “I have a sister to take care of, but maybe I don’t know, maybe I’ll enter the police academy, or join the military like my dad and my mom, just to upstage all those men and show them who’s boss like my mom did. Or I’ll show my sister the world.” You smile at him and steal a glance at Steve driving. “Just me, my sister, and my man.”

Eddie nods along with the smile still decorating his face. “I see that. I actually see you bossing men around. I mean I’m kind of scared of you now.”

You snort and shake your head. “That’s stupid, I’m not mean. Is that what Dustin says about me?”

“No,” he shakes his head. “He says something about you being a badass. Like I mean, I swear that man looks up to Steve and you. I can’t say shit about either of you or he’ll jump in your defense.”

You exhale deeply as you feel your heart swell at his words. “Really?” You ask with a softer smile. “That’s nice.” You look up and grin slowly. “Or maybe we can join a band together.” You clap and jump away from the counter. “I can be your drummer! I know a cool stick trick and imagine all the money we’d get!”

Eddie squints his eyes and waits before shaking his head at you with his lips pressed together in a disapproving frown.

His reaction makes your face fall into an annoyed look. “Boo.” You snap at him and begin to walk back and throw him a thumbs down. “Boo. Your loss Munson. Boo.” You spin around and stomp back to the passenger seat to sink down in your seat with another cracker in your mouth.

Steve quickly notices your mood and after a few stolen glances comments on it. “You doing okay?”

“Eddie won’t let me join his band.” You grumble.

“His band?“ Steve repeats slowly. “Why would you want that?”

“I’m killer on the drums.” You smirk and place the crackers down. “I had a rock phase, I learned to play the drums, just a little,” you say and pinch your fingers together.

Steve nods and then looks at you for a while before he breaks into a laugh. “I'd like to see that actually. You playing the drums.”

You scoff and tilt your head to the side. “I wouldn’t want to blow you away, but if you insist, I’ll give you a private show.” You drag your feet up to the dash, but instantly get your feet swatted away—“Hey.”

“Off the dash, you animal.” Steve complains.

Slowly you drag your feet off the dash but rather than letting them fall to the floor you pull your feet up on the seat and pull them to your chest. From the corner of your eye you could tell Steve wanted to add something about it too but you interjected first. “How’s it handle, hmm?”

“Not half bad. Considering that this is a…house.”

You scoff and nod slowly whilst you sort of lose the amusement you initially returned to your seat with.

“Uh….remember when you asked me about how my future house would look like?” Steve brings up almost hesitantly, causing you to drift your eyes back to him to nod to let him answer. “Well…I actually have an answer,” he clears his throat. “It’s silly…but I…I’ve actually…uhm I always had this dream that I’d have this really…really big family. I’m talking, like, uh, a full brood of Harringtons. Like, five, six kids.”

A soft admiring smile slowly tugs on your lips and you part your lips to query with amusement. “Six? Six kids?”

“Yeah,” Steve nods. “Six little nuggets. Three girls, three boys.” He laughs and keeps his eyes on the road whilst you keep your eyes on him and actually feel an ache with how hard you’re smiling. “And…and every summer, I figured all of us Harringtons, we would pack into something like this and just see the country.” He glances over at you and you continue to smile; this time a bit softer. “You know, the Rockies, Grand Canyon, maybe Yellowstone. End up in some beachside town in California. Spend a week parked in the sand…..learn how to surf or something.”

You swallow thickly and answer in a soft voice. “That sounds nice. Very nice.”

Steve looks over at you to meet your gaze with this soft, heartwarming look to question your comment in this tender voice. “Yeah?”

You hold his gaze and nod to whisper back in the same tone. “Yeah.”

A longer silence follows, it’s full of tension, but not the bad kind, this tension is the kind that has your heart doing somersaults in the best way possible, it makes you smile at him sweetly and grow this need to just grab him and kiss him. That’s the type of tension this was. Even when you broke it, the tension was still there.

“I mean the six-kid part, wow,” you chuckle nervously and look at the road. “That sounds chaotic.”

“If only I had some practice,” Steve points back to the children you carried with you.

You chuckle and nod. “Yeah. Fair. That’s fair. But, I mean six little kids with your personality?” You suck in air through your teeth. “I feel sorry for you.”

Steve snaps his head towards you and quips. “What about you? With your stubbornness and anger issues. The kids will be scary.”

You scoff and point at your chest, whilst your heart races and butterflies flutter in your stomach. “I don’t have anger issues, ‘Kay? I grow impatient. That’s all.”

Steve huffs and keeps his eyes on the road. “Yeah, do you think patience comes when you become a parent?“

You roll your head his way and shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Guess,” he whispers. “We’ll have to wait and see, right?” He meets your gaze and waits again. Waits for your answer that carried a weight.

“Right,” you agree without hesitance.

Steve exhales deeply and smiles at the road before he softly adds, “I mean, we won’t be able to live in a sandcastle, but I think I can manage a blue roof.”

You roll your eyes and scoff before you assure him. “I’m sure Stevie, Jim, Luke, Sara, Rose, and Leia will help with the sandcastle, don’t you think so?”

Steve chuckles and nods along. “Yeah,” he agrees with a soft smile. “I’m sure they will. After you teach ‘em to surf.”

“Yeah, no, definetly, I mean,” you suck in air. “Imagine paying for surfing classes for six kids?” You shake your head and giggle. “That'd be a nightmare. It’s a good thing that you were a co-Captain in your swim team, ‘cause that saves us from swimming classes too.”

“Just no cliff diving,” he adds with a serious expression.

“Tsk,” you click your tongue out. “We’ll see.”

“And,” he begins to laugh. “Luke and Leia? Really?”

You shrug. “It’s cute. And imagine if they’re twins!” You exclaim happily, making him beam at you. “Ugh, that’d be so cute! We better have twins!” You drag your feet off the seat and lean towards him with a teasing smile on your face. “What about Tammy then? Tammy Kermie. Get it? Kermit?”

Steve scrunches his nose and shakes his head slowly. “No, god no. Luke and Leia, is fine, just no Stevie. We’ll work on that one.”

You lick your lips and nod as you sit back in your seat and grow a little more sad as someone comes to mind. “A big family is nice…I always wanted a big family…but well my mom never married after my dad, said men are all shit. And my dad, well after Sara he just lost himself.” You sigh and let your eyes flicker down. “A family in general sounds nice, a functional one. I mean, I know no one’s perfect but to end up like my parents, that’s my worst fear. They hated each other, they couldn’t stand being close to each other or actually stand hearing each other’s name. The only thing that they found common ground in was me…but even then they found a way to argue.” You exhale and feel your breath tremble.

“I wouldn't want that for my life, I want my kids to be disgusted by how much their parents love eachother,” you huff and feel his stare. “Sure there’s arguments, but I never want them to live what I did. Is that silly?”

Steve sighs and shakes his head before he answers seriously. “No, not at all, I mean, my mom doesn’t even trust my dad enough to let him go on business trips alone,” he scoffs. “Says he might cheat on her. So I understand having messed up parents. I want something good too, I want to bicker over stupid stuff like how you build a bookshelf or how I’m lost on our way to camp even if I say I’m not.” He holds your gaze and offers you a soft smile.

Perhaps the only thing that was silly was talking about your future when you still had a conversation pending and apologies to give him. But that’s it, you never actually thought of him as some short time thing. Your future may not be written on stone, but every time you thought of your future, Steve was there, from the moment you started dating, from the moment he didn’t give up because you had just lost your dad that same day he confessed his feelings to you.

You feared he’d leave you because you were grieving, but he never did, he was always there, he even spent nights with you because he said he didn’t want you to be alone. Even if you denied actually grieving at that time, having him check up on you, and even being so caring with Eleven was special. It let you know that you loved him right away, just days into dating.

“You know what I always wanted,” you bring up one last thing with a growing smile. “I always dreamed of having a relationship with my kids like the one I had with my own dad. Before he you know, he left me.” You breathe out deeply and feel tears instantly sting your eyes. “I mean, he was my best friend when I was a little kid, I loved my dad.” You laugh a breathless laugh and your smile begins to falter. “He always tried his best to raise me, from bedtime stories to playing with ugly dolls, to dressing up and tea parties, to forts and sandcastles, make believe, and cleaning my scrapes and helping when I was sick. I want that, I want to see that too with…well…with you.” You glance at him and catch him looking at you with this loving look that makes his brown doe eyes bright.

“I’m sure I can make that work,” he assures you. “As long as I have you with me.” His breath shutters but he makes sure to sound assuring and confident. “I’m going to save you from Vecna, okay? I won’t lose you.”

Your breath trembles and you nod with tears rolling down your cheeks. “Yeah, I know. Can we talk after we get out of the store? I just don’t want to have others listening in. Is that possible?”

Steve nods in agreement without hesitance. “We will for sure. After.”

You nod and wipe the tears off your cheeks, Steve then reaches out his hand and you’re quick to take it. The seats might be a bit far apart, but you manage to hook your fingers together.

“Why don’t you change the music,” Steve suggests when he looks back at the road. “That should cheer you up.”

You sniffle and pull your hand away from his to take your cassette out of your Walkman. “Cool mixtape,” you show off to him with a smirk.

“It is a cool mixtape,” he says proudly and watches you lean toward the stereo to insert your cassette and play the first song that you were going to listen to before you had to stop your Walkman, ‘Rubberband Man’—“oh!” You turn up the music and pull out your sunglasses to begin bopping your head along to the beat.

Once the singing starts you roll your head to the side to grab Steve’s hand and begin mouthing the words that played, and when the right words begin to play you point at him and then at you to mouth along to them, “you and me we’re goin’ out, catch the latest sounds.”

Steve watches you and shakes his head in disapproval, but before long he begins mouthing along to the words of the song too. It makes you laugh, and then you both begin moving your heads to the music.

Without knowing, Robin begins slowly moving her head to the music and whispering the words under her breath. Dustin smiles and begins moving his head and tapping his hand against the seat. A few seconds pass and Lucas and Max join in too, leaving Eddie to watch the interaction with a bit of interest, whilst Nancy watches in confusion.

“What’s going on?” Eddie mouthed to Nancy.

Nancy shrugs, “I don’t know,” but she can’t help but smile while Erica judges everyone from her seat.

*MOMENTS LATER*

No, yeah, you can’t say you’re relaxed and not checking your six every second that you’re in the store, but at least being here lets you get prepared and changed from the matching set Steve chose for you to wear….

Well that’s just an excuse to buy something cool to wear, even if it might be your last outfit ever, but hey, it’s battle appropriate at least.

“Black leather Jacket or black vest?” You talk to yourself and press each item against the green flight suit they surprisingly sold at the store. “Hmm…” you squint your eyes and keep pulling up each item, but you’re too indecisive so you leave the mirror and lift your head to search for Steve or Robin.

Luckily, you found the both of them just down the aisle. So with a bit more pep in your step you rush over to them with the question you had immediately getting thrown out of your mouth. “Hey, guys, which one, the leather jacket or the…”

From one moment to the next you cut yourself off when Robin suddenly turns around and storms off. When you look over at what she had been looking at previously, you just see a red head and some blond guy looking over at Steve and you from the other end.

“That’s Vickie,” Steve whispers before he turns on his heels to run after Robin. “Robin! Robin!”

You tilt your head down to take a look at her over your sunglasses and see that she’s as pretty as Robin said, she has this…dorky, but cute girly look about her. But she’s in a relationship.

Damn.

After one last look at her you push your sunglasses up and scoff before you turn on your heels and run after your friends, seeing them just two aisles down. “Robin, hey—”

“No, look it’s okay,” she cuts you off with a very fake smile. “I expected it already, so there's nothing to be upset about, okay?” She looks at Steve and you and runs her hands through her hair before widening that fake smile. “I’ll get over it.”

“But,” you interject and take off your sunglasses. “It’s okay, you liked her, it’s okay to be uspet.”

Robin focuses on you and draws in a deep breath and makes her smile genunine before she exhales and addresses your comment. “Yeah, I know. But regardless, even if I am, there's no time now, right? Let’s finish getting what we need and get out of here.” She offers Steve that same smile before she turns and walks away.

“Fuck,” you breathe out under your breath. “I feel bad.”

Steve turns and takes the cart from your hands to push it forward with a sigh meant at Robin's situation. “Yeah. Second time. Must be crushing.”

You throw the flightsuit inside and nod. “Yeah,” you agree. “what should we do?”

Steve shrugs. “Give her space for now.” He scratches the back of his neck and glances back. “We can try to cheer her up after all this shit.”

You hum in agreement but add, “I wish we could do something about it now. That must’ve been heartbreaking.”

“I do too, but I don’t think we can do much now, unfortunately.”

“You’re right,” you huff out and continue walking in a silence that doesn’t last long.

“What you got there?” Steve points to the items in your hands.

“Well,” you answer a bit enthusiastically. “This here is a thigh holster,” you show it off to him. “It can carry a gun and little knives.” You point to the knives you picked out and the gun they let you carry in the cart. “Like—-”

“The Kate Bush outfit,” Steve finishes for you and leans forward while he has his arm resting on the cart handle. “Yeah,” he adds with a smirk. “I get it. Too bad you can’t wear the outfit, I mean it’s battle appropriate…” he trails off and bounces his eyebrows, causing you to slowly knot your eyebrows together in concern.

“Uh,” you breathe out and close your mouth to shake your head.

“What?” He quips. “It is! It’s like…like a warrior outfit!”

“It’s a bikini babe.”

Steve scoffs and shrugs. “A sexy bikini. A sexy warrior bikini.”

You narrow your eyes and press your lips together to continue shaking your head.

“True, true, I mean then Dustin would get mad. He’d be like what are you wearing? You loon.”

You snort and chuckle. “Yeah. He’d get mad. I mean,” you laugh and nudge his shoulder. “I can't even wear a skirt.”

Steve chuckles and his eyes widen. “You sure you can even be with me? What will he say?”

You cover your mouth and laugh louder. “What a dad.”

“Here I thought I was the daddy.”

You stop laughing and look over at Steve to look at him seriously. That reaction gets you an immediate confused reaction before you burst out laughing again.

“You’re unbelievable.” He grumbles.

You gasp for air and throw the jacket and the vest inside the cart before you wrap your arm around his bicep and beam at him. “You’re still my daddy,” you say through stifled laughter.

Steve leans towards you and smirks while he whispers, “yeah?”

Before you could respond, suddenly someone gags behind you. When you look back you see Erica with her own stuff, and a disgusted face expression. “I will pretend I didn't hear that. For my sake. We got to go. Now! Jason and his friends are here, he was talking with Nancy, so let’s go!”

Steve and you share a look before you begin to rush down the aisle and wave Robin and Max over so you could pay what you had, whilst you held your breaths and kept looking back to see if Jason, or any of his goons were looking at you or following you.

After the cashier finally checked everything out, Steve basically threw out his money and let them keep the change so you could all rush out of the store with Nancy making sure to follow after she paid her stuff.

The exact moment you were all out the front doors you all broke into a sprint towards the RV—“What happened?” Lucas immediately asked once Steve rushed inside.

“We gotta go,” Steve threw out and returned to the driver seat.

“Your old friends are here,” Erica shared with the group after she got in too.

“Shit!” Lucas breathed out and then instantly got cut off by Dustin screaming.

“Let’s go! Let’s go! Let’s go!”

You shut the door behind you and rush over to basically throw yourself in your seat.

“I’m going! I’m going! Sit down!” Steve yelled back and then started the car to step on the gas the furthest it could go to drive out of the parking lot as fast he could, only adding more stress to your already stressed out mind.

They’re lucky that you’re over your fear of cars.

——

“Vest and jacket,” you mumble under your breath and step back to pin the rainbow pin over your jacket. “Nice.” You smile at yourself before you spin on your heels and hop out of the RV.

“…it just doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t make sense?” You probe Steve and join him and Robin pouring gas into empty glass bottles.

Steve glances at you and then at Robin to answer. “That was Dan Shelter. He graduated, like, two years ago.”

“So?” Robin questions.

“So,” Steve explains. “He’s in college. Which means he was visiting on spring break. Fast Times was returned, like, I don’t know, a week ago? Right?”

You cross your arms over your chest and spare a glance at Robin and notice her slightly bothered face expression.

“Unless,” Steve continues. “She’s got some hot dog brother we don’t know about. Which is possible. Or she’s just really into Judge Reinhold?”

“Steve,” Robin interjects.

You shake your head and chime in, “nah.”

Said man looks over at Robin and questions her. “What?”

“I don’t care.”

You sigh and share a glance with Steve before you both return your gaze to Robin as she continues. “I don’t understand why you guys do either with everything that’s going on. Honestly, this feels like a perfect time for that little pull of the rug because…in the face of the world ending, the stakes of my love life feel spectacularly low.”

Steve sighs. “I mean possibly, but I don’t think you should let that bring you down. We might still make it out right? I still have hope.” Steve hands Robin the bottle and she takes it to put it down and continue.

“Not everything has a happy ending.”

You sigh and look at the ground beneath your boots while Robin keeps talking.

“I just, I have this terrible, gnawing feeling that…” Robin pauses and stops pouring the gas to look up Steve and you. “It might not work out for us this time.”

“You think we shouldn’t be doing this?” Steve asks, whilst you swallowed thickly and felt your stomach twist.

“I think we’re mad fools, the lot of us, but…” she pauses and sighs while she looks up at the group ahead of you doing their own thing to get battle ready. “…if we don’t stop him, who will? We have to try, right?”

You look up at the same time Steve looks at Robin too—“yeah,” Steve agrees before he lifts the glass and does a toast. “To killing Vecna.”

Robin grabs a bottle and push it towards Steve’s to add, “Slash Henry.”

You huff and drop your hands to pick up the third bottle and push it towards them to add the final name. “Slash One.”

After that you guys clink the glasses together with faint smiles on your faces.

“So, dear y/n, what are you wearing there?” Robin brings up while you put the bottles down.

You push back your jacket to smile at your outfit. “Battle outfit, you see flight suit,” you point at the green flight suit you showed off as you slide the jacket off your shoulders. “Black vest,” you point with a smile. “And it has, like, a lot of pockets, like here,” you point with a giddy smile. “Knife? No, stale cracker. Snack pocket.” You say and pull out said object to take a bite and continue showing off your cool outfit. “In case I get hungry, or one of the kids, or Steve needs it.”

Robin and Steve share an amused look before she props her elbow on her knee to rest her chin and smile at you.

“It’s a bit tight, but that’s how it goes. And, and,” you shift your feet to slide a leg forward and point at the holster you had on both legs. “This holds a gun and little knives, like the Kate Bush outfit!” You grin and raise your eyebrows. “And finally,” you say and pull your jacket back on. “My jacket, look,” you look down and point at your pin. “The pin.” You look up at the pair and beam at them. “Like it?”

Robin licks her lips and nods while she holds back a giggle, making Steve smirk and nod to actually add his thoughts. “I like it, I mean the flight suit accentuates your butt, like the bottom half makes you look good.”

You tilt your head and narrow your eyes on him to keep smiling.

“I think you look badass.”

“Don’t I? Like I feel like, a, I don’t know, like, some cool black ops soldier or, I don’t know, someone cool.”

“You guys also have matching jackets, you notice that?” Robin points out. “Is that like a new thing you guys are doing before we all die.”

Your smile falls and your lips part as your jaw drops slightly in shock to her negativity.

“It was unintentionally done,” Steve clarifies. “And we’re matching, so what? I think we look cool.”

You sigh and step towards him to rest your hand on his shoulder and nod along. “I agree, besides Steve, I think that jacket makes you look like Tom Cruise from Top Gun.”

Steve looks up at you and grins smugly. “A man in uniform,” he nods. “I picked it out just for you. Like it?”

You smile at him all shyly as if you were a little girl with a school crush, and nod. “I love it.”

Steve scoffs lightheartedly and grabs your chin to pull you towards him, causing you to giggle and have to hold onto both of his shoulders so you wouldn’t fall on him.

“I love you.”

Your smile widens and you part your lips to say it back this time since he was still here. It’s been hours since he got hurt and you patched him up and he’s still here. “I—”

However, you end up cutting yourself off when you catch a flash go off at your side. It makes Steve and you pull away to look over at Robin since that’s where it came from. And that’s when you notice she's lowering some busted up looking camera to take out the polaroid.

“Where did you get that from?” You ask, ending up pulling her attention away from the developing picture.

“Inside, when I was snooping.” She smirks. “So I take it you guys made up already? Just ‘cause my love life is doomed doesn’t mean yours has to.”

Steve scoffs and stands up. “It’s not,” he assures her and takes your hand. “And we're halfway there actually.” He begins to walk away with you and snatches the picture from Robin's hand. “I’ll take that.”

As you’re walking away from Robin you look back at her and catch her already watching you guys leave, so you throw her a small smile that she hits back with a wink.

Once you’re far from the RV and from all the others, you grow serious and only slightly tense, the moment Steve stops walking ahead, you avert your gaze and begin gnawing on your cheek.

Apologies never came easy, you don’t know why, but they’re just hard. They shouldn’t be, this one shouldn’t be, but you couldn’t help but feel like you couldn’t speak. And this time Steve didn’t talk first to help you, he waited for you.

You probably look like you’re dreading this talk. Which is not true, but it just doesn’t come easy.

Good thing Miss Vasquez wasn’t here now, she’d probably take a damn note. She’d probably be proud though, “it’s a step towards the right direction, y/n,”, she’d say. “I’m proud of you.”.

Fuck, why is this so hard?!

You wipe your nose and slowly lift your eyes to see Steve with his hands on hips and his eyes on you.

Fuck…

“I’m sorry,” you blurt out and sigh, but feel a thicker ball of emotions stuck in your throat. “I’m sorry for acting the way I did. I’m sorry for not considering how you would feel. I’m sorry for pretending I was strong when I…I wasn’t,” you breath shutters and you have to look down briefly to keep from crying. “I wanted to be, I wanted to be strong, but throughout pretending I didn’t realize how much that affected you too. You didn’t deserve to be shut out because I was prideful, because I was scared I'd hurt you…like I thought I hurt Sara and my dad.”

Steve’s hands slide off his hips and he looks at you slightly confused. “What do you mean by that?”

Tears stream down your face and your voice trembles just like your exhale. “Before Sara died I told her I loved her, that’s the last thing I ever told her. One of the last things I told my dad was that I loved him, I thought that if I said that to you I’d lose you too.” You shrug and chuckle. “It’s stupid, I know, it sounds stupid, but I was hurting, even if I didn’t want to admit it to myself, and I thought I’d curse you if I said it. It’s not because I want to be someone else, or ‘cause I’m just wasting your time, it’s not, I was just…I was just stuck in my head. I’m sorry. Steve, I’m sorry.”

You exhale and finally feel that ball of emotions out of your throat, you felt your shoulders and chest light now too.

“Oh, baby,” Steve whispers and closes the gap between you with a heartwarming embrace. “I’m here. I’m right here.”

You sob and tighten your hold around him before you nod and whisper. “I know. I know.”

Steve pulls away to cup your face and smile softly at you as he began to reassure you. “It may sound stupid, but it’s not, I mean, you thought that because you lost your dad, you thought it was a coincidence but you were just hurting and couldn’t find a way to, well, I guess express it. But it’s not stupid. Why didn’t you just tell me?”

You shrug and whisper. “I was scared you’d judge me, I was full of pride and didn’t want you to look at me the way everyone else did, like they’re the ones who killed my dad. I just, I was scared you’d leave me because I was grieving. I mean we got together that day, so I was scared you’d like, know how I feel and run away. So it was easier keeping that from you.” You meet his gaze and breathe out. “It’s stupid, I know.”

Steve scoffs and a faint smile grows on his face as he nods. “It is stupid because I would never do that. If I wanted to run away I would’ve before actually, like, that time the Chief went out to clean his shotgun in the living room when we were watching that movie with Eleven. I mean I almost died that night. He was scary.”

You snort and laugh. “Yeah, no, that was, he was out of line for that.”

Steve shrugs and whispers back. “I wouldnt have run away, and we’re partners, I wouldn’t have judged you, maybe look at you guilty, but that’s only because I care, because it hurts seeing you sad, because I know that there's nothing I can do to stop you from missing your dad. But I would have been there for you. Like, you’d do for me, right?”

You nod. “Yes.”

“See?” He shrugs.

You draw in a deep breath and exhale to continue with your apology. “I’m also sorry I was being jealous, you had history with Nancy, I can’t take that way. And well, I was also scared you’d replace me. I know it’s not true from what you told me outside of her house, and well because since then I have talked to her, and I have had talks with other people, and I had this self-discovery moment, so yes, I’m okay now.”

Steve smiles in amusement but sighs. “I’m sorry that I got jealous too. I’m sorry I said all that stuff to you, I was upset you wouldn’t talk, I thought that you didn’t care for me so, I just got angry, I’m sorry.”

“All forgiven,” you assure him and cup his hands to smile at him.

“I forgive you too,” he says. “Now we know that we should talk, like, partners.”

“Yeah,” you scoff. “Yeah,” you pause and your smile widens, and your voice turns softer. “I love you Steve Harrington, I have loved you since the moment we fought demo-dogs together. After everytime you laugh at my stupid jokes, when you tolerate every cheesy romantic movie with me. I love you everytime you join my embarrassing jam session, when you listen to endless talks about stupid girl stuff. I loved you everyday you were with me after Hopper died. I love you every time you’re sweet to my sister and all the other kids, everytime you tolerate me when I’m upset.” You cry and smile as he grins at you. “I'm in love with you Steve, you are a half of my soul, I’m happy I got to meet you. I love you.”

Steve presses his forehead against yours and just smiles, but shows off such a sweet and happy smile that just makes your heart burst, and regret not having the balls to tell him before. Hearing your words makes him so happy, it makes his eyes brighter, it actually turns that soft loving look much softer and sweeter.

You could keep giving off descriptions, but he then pulled you in for a deep passionate kiss. He was so tender and sweet even if you know he had been longing for one for a while. He took your lips with his, and made your heart pound, and that fluttering in your stomach intensify. It felt like it was just you and him, and for that moment while he kissed you none of that Vecna shit existed. It was just you and him and passion, burning passion that made you slide your hands to the side of his head to dig your fingers in his hair and moan in the kiss.

Steve pulled you closer and pulled away to smirk before he pulled you once again and caught your breath. This time you felt weak, if it wasn’t for him grabbing you by your cheeks you would've fallen. This wave of warmth washed over you and burned your body. Kissing him was addicting.

But, yet, unfortunately you had to pull away.

“I love you,” he whispered a bit smugly since he heard how he made you feel. “I’m in love with you, I mean, I fucking love you. It’s been you all along, I never thought it was possible to love someone so much. You, y/n, are the best thing that has happened to me. I’m glad you came into my life. I want a future with you, I mean, all I see when I think about my future is you. If you don’t want the six nuggets that’s fine, I just want to be with you.”

You laugh softly and assure him. “I want the six nuggets. I do. With you. I want a life with you.”

Steve grins and nods. “You’re my girl,” he tells you. “My favorite girl. We’ve been through hell together, we will stick together, I mean…” he clears his throat and then continues, “…you’re just to be good to be true, can’t take my eyes off you, you’d be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much.”

Your eyebrows slightly furrow and you leave your lips parted in amusement and confusion, but that’s when you recognize what he’s quoting, “Can’t Take My Eyes Off You,” by Frankie Valli. The song you showed him that day on the bus when you were waiting for Dart to take the bait

“…At long last love has arrived, and I thank god I’m alive…”

You laugh but cry at the same time. That reaction makes him shush you though, “I’m not done,” he quickly interjected. “The best part is coming.” He then continues while he keeps holding your gaze with the same loving look.

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off you. Pardon the way that I stare, there’s nothing else to compare, the sight of you leaves me weak…” he begins to mumble and hum before he continues when he gets to a certain part of the song. “I love you baby! And if it’s quite alright I need you, baby….”

You grin at him before you continue to giggle, this time he finally reacts by rolling his eyes and pushing you back.

“Oh come on, Steve, it's cute! It was cute!” You chase after him and turn him around to cup his face and coo at him. “I loved it. I loved your singing.”

Steve grabs your wrist and can’t help his smile, and can’t help but getting smug. “I can continue, y’know, just for you.”

You scoff. “Really?” You begin mumbling to mock how he did, causing him to pull away again to shake his head at you. This time you pull him back and begin pressing kisses on his lips. “I love you.”

Steve tilts his head and shoots you a charming half grin. “I love you too,” he says right back and leans in to press one last kiss on your lips before you had to return to your group. However, the moment he parted his lips, he began clearing his throat and stumbling back.

At first you’re a bit confused since it out of nowhere, but once he begins coughing out blood your heart drops—“Steve,” you call with a crack in your voice. “Steve, what’s wrong?” You walk over to him and he begins to cough out black blood. “Steve?”

Said man looks up at you and wants to talk but he then stumbles and loses his balance. Of course you fall by his side and grab his face before you catch the blood that leaked through his clothes.

“Oh my god,” you whisper and pull your hands down to pull his shirt over his wound, immediately noticing that the bandage was covered in thick black blood.

“I’ll be okay,” he assured you hoarsely. “I will.”

It can’t be happening again. He was okay, he was okay.

“You need the hospital,” you stammer. “You need—Robin! Dustin!” You lift your eyes and begin adding pressure to his wound. “You’ll be fine, just don’t close your eyes okay, my love? Just keep talking. Robin!”

Steve nods but frowns when he sees the tears begin rolling out. “Come on, don't cry.”

You offer him the best smile you can muster before looking back to see if any of your friends were coming. When you didn’t see any of them you called again, this time with more desperation in your voice. “Robin! Dustin! Please come! Nancy! Eddie! Please help me.” You sniffle and look back at Steve. “We’re going to get you help, okay? I just can’t carry you by myself.”

“They’ll come. They will.” He muttered and took your hand to give it a squeeze. “Just keep…Keep calm.” His breaths begin to turn shallow and he keeps blinking as if fighting sleep.

“Steve,” you cry. “Don’t. Stay. Please don’t leave me. Please don’t you dare leave me too.” You look back and call again. “Robin! Eddie!”

But no one came.

“Nancy! Please! I need help! Please.” You look back at Steve and notice that his eyes are unmoving, frozen on you, when you look at his chest you don’t see that it’s moving up and down anymore, it’s still, frighteningly so. “Steve,” you call and move your hands to cup his cheeks with your blood covered hands. “Hey, baby, come on. Hey, please, don’t do this to me, please…” you pause and drop your head on his chest. “Steve?”

The air lays still, the song of the roaming birds goes silent, and in your ears you feel your own heart break, you feel every painful tear, and see every color drown out of the earth and everything that surrounds you. And then there it was, the sound of four chimes broke through the silence, making you freeze and snap your eyes open.

It’s just a mind game you need to remind yourself. It’s just a mind game.

“Y/N,” you hear a deep husky and bone chilling voice call out to you from nowhere and everywhere at the same time. “Do you see what you did? You cursed Steve the same way you cursed Sara and your dad. You see.”

You shake your head and squeeze your eyes shut to begin murmuring to yourself that this was just in your mind, you could snap out of it. It was all fake.

“Open your eyes,” he sneers right by your ear, causing you to stiffen and cover your ears with your hands. “Y/N, you can’t hide from me. Open your eyes!”

“Shut the hell up!” You snap back as you keep yourself balled up. “My friends will save me, I’ll get out.”

A moment of silence follows, but now you felt a cold chill, and you could hear the sound of your pounding heart hammering agasint your chest. You could actually feel every muscle clenching around your bones. He felt near, but far at the same time.

“Y/N,” his voice broke through the deafening silence. “You wanted to see him didn't you? One last time? Your father.”

You shake your head and keep your eyes closed. “No, it’s fake. This is all in my head.”

“If it was fake would he be here? Would you witness his last moments before his dying breath?” Vecna continued to try and persuade you. “All you have to do is open your eyes and I’ll show you. Open your eyes y/n. Open them!” He screamed right in your ear, making you jump and scream.

This time instead of waiting, suddenly your eyes are forced open and you’re yanked to your feet. Now instead of seeing the sky and Steve, you see flashing red lights, metal pathways, walls, burnt bodies and that machine that you saw in the Russian hideout.

You were in the base now. In front of where the gate once was.

But it’s fake, it’s all in your head, he can’t trick you. You can’t let him get to you.

“Just stay away! Stay away!”

“Look at him,” Vecna continued. “Look down at your father, y/n. Look at what you did!”

You keep your eyes off the ground and begin to back up slowly before you spin on your heels and break into a sprint to run out of the room. You push past doors and more doors, you turn halls until you reach the hall that leads to the elevator.

“Where are you going, y/n? There’s nowhere to run to.”

You quicken your pace down the long hall and ignore him.

Nevertheless, out of sudden you feel something wrap around your ankle and pull you down to hit your chin against the floor and pull you back. You try to squirm, and then you turn back to get the tentacle off, you try to punch it, before you think of the knife you had in your holster and pull that out to stab it.

Luckily, after you jabbed it, the tentacle pulled itself off your ankle, letting you push yourself to your feet to continue running. Now though, when you run, you’re suddenly snapped back to the previous room; there’s red flashing lights and smoke coming out of the machine.

“Look at him,” Vecna kept insisting.

“Go to hell,” you sneer.

Without having to tell you again, your head is forced down and the first thing you catch is Hopper; his chest still moved slowly, but his clothes, the one that reminded you of Miami Vice, was half burnt, along with half of his body, his face, his skin.

It can’t be true. It’s not.

“Stop,” you begin to plead. “Please stop.”

“This is what you did,” Vecna said in a low voice. “Because you couldn’t leave him alone. Because you went back to his life, he was better off without you.” He gets close and now you see his slimy and horrifying face from the corner of your eye. “You’re the curse. You’re a plague. He already had a daughter, he didn’t even think of you until you forced yourself there.”

Your lip begins to quiver but you keep trying to reject him.

“My dad loved me,” you whisper in a quivering voice. “He loved me.”

“Empty words. He didn’t want you. No one does. That’s why even Steve wants to replace you…he has replaced you.”

“Quiet,” you hiss and keep your eyes locked on Hopper.

“Will you curse Eleven the same way you cursed Hopper?”

You shake your head and yell out as you break down, “I’m not the curse. I’m not! I’m not! I’m not!” You fall to your knees and hold your head in your hands.

“Is that what your fathers dead body says?” He kept antagonizing you. “Look at him as he takes his last breath. That was you. Your fault.”

Warm tears stream down the curve of your cheeks and leave you unable to see.

“You left Eleven without a father.”

“No,” you sob. “No. Quiet.”

“You left her weak,” he snapped, “vulnerable. What will you do? She was better without you. She needs her father.”

Slowly you lift your head out off hands and crawl towards your father to touch his chest to check if it would move. When it didn’t you slowly slid your hand up his burnt skin to cup his cheeks and slowly press your forehead against his.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you cry against his cold body. “I’m so sorry.”

You shut your eyes and begin caressing his cheek before you move your hands to lift the upper half of his body so you could hug him against you. “I’m sorry,” you cry against his cold shoulder. “It was my fault, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Vecna breaks his silence. “I’ll end your suffering.”

.

.

.

A/N- I hope Steve and y/n have their twins, imagine they do and one of them suffer the same fate as Padme 😗

Tagged- @felicityofbakerstreet @deepdownangel @mserynlarsen @m-blasterrr @lookalivesunshine-x @slvtherinseeker​ @mochminnie​ @beepbeephargrove​ @peterwandaparker​ @train-wrecc​ @truthdaze​ @ioonatv @leahseclipse @preciousbabypeter @cevans-winchester @criminalyetminimal @ttae-yong @distinguishedmakerpandapatrol @geeksareunique @addisonnie @khaylin27 @seolaseoul @tomspidertingle @tye-dyemango @hehehehannahthings @gyros-cum-sock @the-local-toast @goldenvespa @naughty-koala07 @whore-for-murdock @jallerentrags @honey-with-tea @milkiane @roseabelle21 @obesesseddd @walkin-in-hawkins @ilovewomen711 @lqveharrington @thepowerstoner @guichu @reymaybe @earthtostory @xstormiii @a-vvenger @f-artsmella @hawkeyeharrington @holymusicalmothman @hcloangcls @mortallyspookyglitter

#Strange #stranger things #stranger things fanfiction #fanfiction #damn-stark #chapter 16 #Steve harrington #steve harrington x hopper!reader #steve harrington x hopper!fem reader #steve harrington x fem!reader #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve harrington series #steve harrington fanfiction #steve harrington fluff #steve harrington fanfic #robin buckley #Nancy wheeler #vecna stranger things #dustin henderson #eddie munson #lucas sinclair #erica sinclair #jim hopper x daughter!reader #Jim hopper #fanfic

[apex-academy]

Chapter 6: The Decay of Our Lives (#16)

I check up on Mahavir first thing, then breakfast. There’s time to eat something warm before I worry about what to take back to him. Or should I be worrying about what everyone’s eating? Considering the distribution of cooking skills at this point.

Which I will never get used to.

Either way, I don’t go for anything more exciting than instant miso and a banana. By the time I'm out of the kitchen, Aidan’s started his own soup at his table.

Or, at least he’s staring at a spoonful of it.

“.......”

“You, uh. Need me to throw that back in the microwave, or.”

“...”

He stares a moment longer before blinking and actually meeting my eye.

“Oh, no, it should be fine as is. I just need to muster up the appetite for it, haha.”

He resumes staring. Don’t see any mustering happening here.

“Maybe the Nurse’s Office has something to help with appetite? I’ll go check.”

He quickly drops the spoon in favor of an enthusiastic “cut it out” gesture.

“No, no, no! There’s no need to fuss over my precise pace of eating.”

"I need to grab something for Mahavir, anyway, so it’s not much fuss. One sec.”

I set my stuff down and take off before Aidan can stop me.

“Fuss, huh?” I’m thinking there’s not enough fuss over that guy. Too injured to use more than one limb and still trying to lead the whole march himself?

Though he may be the most put-together mentally. Doesn’t completely override the physical context, though.

...

I swipe Mahavir’s burn ointment first.

“Not much left, is there.”

But it should be fine, right? As fine as it was ever going to be by itself. He needs proper medical attention.

And Kanagi broke her ankle, and Tsunyasha... suffered. No telling what kind of damage we’re looking at all around.

We have to get out of here.

But I can’t get caught up thinking that. I’ll do what I can do, right now. 

There aren’t many relevant drawers to check, so it doesn’t take long to find an appetite stimulant.

“Okay. Good.”

Aidan’s health problems sure won’t improve if he doesn’t eat, so. There’s this.

I drop it off. Aidan’s protests die down quickly, now that the fuss has already been made. He thanks me unhappily, and I leave him to it as I eat my own breakfast. 

Hard to say how much difference the meds make. Not sure how long they’re supposed to take to kick in, even. But by the time I’ve put up my dishes and put together something for Mahavir, half of Aidan’s soup is gone. It’s something.

Enough that he reminds me not to forget the ointment I left on the table. Genuinely none of us are all here anymore, huh.

No need to dwell on that, though. Places to be, people to see.

Knock, knock.

“Mahavir? Brought your food.”

“...”

“.......”

About two seconds before I can start panicking, I hear heavy footfalls. Not heavy enough to be a whole person falling down, but not much better.

Maybe I should have him rest somewhere else until curfew. Then he won’t have to keep opening the door for me.

But he manages this time.

“......”

I start to hold out his plate but don’t quite make it there.

“Hey. Think you’re in shape to move back to the Nurse’s Office?”

“...”

“If not, don’t push it.”

“.....”

“Perhaps...”

Extremely convincing.

“How about we just see how you feel after breakfast?”

He nods.

At least I don’t have to feed him by hand, but he doesn’t eat with much gusto.

Head trauma’s the last thing he needs when he was already full of burns to repair. As far as I could tell, he at least doesn’t have a concussion. Unless he did pass out those few moments I was too busy thinking Kanagi had just killed him, but he swears otherwise. Not like his treatment would be much different, anyway.

“.....”

So it won’t do me any good to dwell on what happened yesterday. Just... keep up with today.

Mahavir gets through his breakfast eventually, and after a considerable effort on my part to make sure, he promises he can walk to the Nurse’s Office. So away we go.

I pause as we pass the cafeteria door.

“Actually, I’ll drop off the dishes while we’re here. Wait outside?”

“Of course.”

I hop inside, wave hello to Kanagi, dump the dishes, and hurry out before Mahavir can go on without me.

He’s already gone on without me.

“You’d better at least be headed where I said we were going.”

Watching my step for any paint splatters that might still come up, I turn the corner to the main hall, but apparently Mahavir’s made it past here, too.

Well, vanishing is less concerning than collapsing a few steps in front of me. 

Marginally.

I take the final corner, and...

“Good, there you are.”

But he doesn’t respond—just stands there stiffly. I assume it’s a pain or disorientation issue, until I look again.

No one moves.

[BACK] [NEXT]

#apexplot #apex6 #fangan ronpa

[menalez]

Hello! Can you suggest to read anything (article or books) on comphet? Long story, I slept with men, but I didn't ever felt attraction to them. I spend nearly decade 'fixing' myself, bc my first ever experience was sexual assault and then another and grooming. And then men I tried to date dropped me like hot potato telling everyone I'm frigid, which made me ashamed. They treated me like I am defected, hinting I am mentally ill. For not acting like what women in porn act at damn age of 16 bc from watching porn they insisted they know on women biology! I did not have any sex-ed anywhere so I legit knew nothing on my own biology. I did not know I am not experiencing sexual attraction bc I did not know how it works! Just these men telling me I'm not like other women. Not passionate. Women just so happy insisted I am frigid bc of the assault trauma, but I can train myself with practice. And that it's natural state to date men and my mental health issues would heal etc. Include some threats of godly punishments. I had more horrible exp, and I only now begin to realize that while yes majority of my exp were forced and later brain repeating trauma in hopes to fix it with repeating, it was also traumatic bc I can't feel a shred of attraction to men. I was madly trying to date at least any men with 'oh maybe I will not be revolted with him, or with him, or with him, bc I need to fix myself!!! I can't live being that way!' Like, honestly, mostly anything beyond a chaste kiss on the lips revolted me, but I kept making myself endure it over and over in hopes that I will 'get used to it'. Bc I was told how I react is abnormal. I froze 99% of time and could not tell 'no' or 'stop'. I was terrified when I felt that revolt first time from a kiss with guy, bc I was expecting first kiss as the dream exp, but first one was assault from drunk adult on my 15yo self, and then second was willing, but revolt I felt was extreme!! But all media and culture told me it would be the most magical exp! And everyone around acted that way too! My life was crushed and I had no idea how to live with it. And I did not tell anyone for years, being ashamed of my 'defect', just obsessively fixing it. And when I did told, women my age or older told me it will be ok once I meet the right guy/ I can just get used to it. My health, life, education, everything suffered from the cptsd I developed. I mean, now I have no idea how I was able to do it, bc no pressure can make me repeat any of it. But I was so ashamed of being frigid. And was sure it destines me to die alone. I legit was sure I am abominated defected freak and later started to act that part. It took some horrible rape for me to stop and go 'ok I will be freak, I will die alone, I will not leave the house actually at all, bc I can't take it anymore' and only then I was able to stay safe of assault and abuse. It took me many years of therapy before I stopped being dissociated from my body enough to be aware I have attraction to women instead. And I honestly don't think I am worthy of dating bc I feel stained, unpure, and generally to ashamed with all these experiences. I mostly did that all myself to myself. Honestly my worst fear is people thinking I am bi, bc saying I'm bi would erase that decade of suffering of 'what is wrong with me' I asked for books or anything, bc it makes me feel a bit less crazy if i read on similar experiences? Some things I still struggle to put together and the level of pain I feel is extreme as you can imagine.

hey anon, i’m sorry you went through all of that. it sounds quite traumatic, some of it overlaps with my experience (not knowing what’s wrong with me, trying to “fix” my lack of attraction, being dissociated and disconnected from my feelings, not feeling the way other women felt about men)

i honestly don’t know any resources that would help you. around a decade ago, i stumbled across the term “comphet” from other lesbians and they were mainly talking about it like.. ignoring your feelings because you think you must be attracted to men, even if there’s no evidence of that in your life. the more recent sources i’ve seen into comphet & more traditional sources are often moreso aligned with political lesbianism so i dont think it’s that helpful to any actual lesbians. i’ll instead reiterate the points that resonated with me back then:

1. having to dissociate to be with a man (can also be a sign of trauma)

2. choosing “crushes” on guys mostly to appeal to your friends or fit in

3. not being able to have sexual fantasies involving men (this does not include flashbacks or intrusive thoughts, but rather actual sexual fantasies)

4. sexual interactions with men feel forced & are unwanted

5. you are unable to envision a future with a man

6. mistaking feelings of anxiety or fear or nervousness for attraction to men (could be trauma-related, i advise to look back to before your trauma & analyse how you felt)

7. you felt the need to use substances to be able to get through sexual interactions with men

8. you have had to convince yourself that you somehow like a guy and practically choose to make yourself like him, whereas it comes naturally with women & is out of your control

9. you pretend to have certain feelings for men to appeal to others rather than genuinely having them

10. building on 9, playing up a romance with a man for public image purposes

11. struggling to relate to other women when they fawn about other guys

12. having beliefs that all other women find women attractive & think men are gross, but it’s just your obligation to be with a man anyways (so it’s not something you want, but something you HAVE to do)

i cant think of others but honestly what i generally recommend is to think through your life, & especially in your case think BEFORE the trauma. it’s tough because the trauma was at a young age, but it can muddy things as there are bisexual & even heterosexual women who become repulsed my men because of trauma. so think of your life before then, did you have feelings for guys? did you have male celeb crushes? or were they only female? don’t think of how you pretended for others, think of how you genuinely felt about it.

the things you said to me do not sound wanted and it sounds like you were afraid to speak up and would freeze in fear (a common trauma response). but again, it’s hard to know whether this trauma response is rooted in having a traumatic experience prior to this or if it is rooted in sexuality. don’t feel rushed to choose a label either, it took me several years before i felt confident enough to call myself a lesbian & it took a lot of introspection into my own life because like you, i was deeply dissociated and disconnected from myself (partially due to trauma & partially bc of pre-existing mental illness). being in such a state for prolonged periods can make it hard to understand your genuine feelings, but it’s possible.

also my recommendation is also to not look through comphet stuff online lol because nowadays people use it to even mean that they are attracted to guys & sometimes want to have sex with them, it’s unhelpful and might further confuse you. i wish i could share the stuff i read in the past about it but it’s all lost at this point 😭 good luck anon, take care of urself & take ur time figuring things out!!

[ana-sxangel777]

*My Ana Rules*

+

Fear Foods and Safe Foods

(I made a post like this on one of my old accounts and so I’m doing it here too. A lot of these rules are pretty old but I still try and stick to them.)

PSA: this post is not meant to be taken as advice. I’m am not and will not ever be giving advice on “getting an eating disorder.” Eating disorders are dangerous and unhealthy. This account is for adults who are already struggling with an eating disorder/ disordered eating. If you’re under the age of 18 or don’t have an eating disorder pls leave while you still can.

Rating my Ana Rules from 2018

(These are from the absolute peak of my ed. I was 14 when I wrote these and my thoughts on my ed and food have changed a lot. Some of these I still do but a lot of them are kind of stupid tbh.

So I’m gonna be rating them on a scale of 1-10. 10 being top tier and 1 being I can’t believe I actually used to do that. The ones in red are things I still do.)

P.S.

This post is purely me making fun of myself if you have rules similar to these and I happen to make fun of them I’m sorry. I love you ❤️

1). Whenever eating breakfast keep it low cal.

2). Never spend money on food (unless it's low cal and you regain control)

(Ahem.. doordash) 6-10

3). During weekdays burn at least one meal a day (200-300 cals)

(I never exercise anymore.. though I probably should😭) 4/10

4)No coffee when restricting super low (300-500 cals) tea with coffee creamer is fine

(I worked morning shift at a dunkin for a year and a half.. coffee for breakfast was all I knew) 1/10

5). In order to break that binge cycle raise your cal limit to (900-1000 cals)

(This one’s actually smart) 8/10

6). Remember your thoughts manifest in your reality. So think of yourself as though you are already skinny. Every time you reach for that junk food remember that models don't eat junk they're bodies are too perfect to eat that processed crap.

(This one’s fine except for the fact that it’s giving “2014 heroin chic romanticizing my ed tumblr” Don’t love that but hey I’ll give myself props for manifesting and self concept ig? 7/10

7).Get enough sleep 8-10 hrs. Also go to bed earlier (11pm- 11:30pm at the LATEST)

(It’s 10:30pm as I write this.. old habits truly do die hard) 8/10

8). 50 sit-ups every night

(No comment..) 0/10

9). Don't go too long without eating in order too avoid hanger and binges

(Even when restricting you still should feed your body!!) 10/10

10) When shopping don't buy food unless it's low calorie. (This means no: JUNK FOOD,SODA/SWEETENED BEVERAGES, CANDY, SWEETS, CHIPS, ETC.)

(Again.. doordash) 5/10

11). If able to avoid eating before 11:30am

(Kinda impossible when you work but I get it)

12). No snacking (unless needed*feeling faint/dizzy*)

13). Always measure portions. Avoid portions bigger than 1 cup.

(This one’s kind of stupid but at the same time it helped me stop bingeing so🤷‍♀️) 7/10

14) If eating calorically dense foods only eat 1/2 of the regular serving size.

(Not the worst idea I’ve heard but now I would totally just skip eating those types of foods altogether) 6/10

15).Eat a little more if it'll help avoid binges. (100-150 cals

(Probably one of my most logical rules tbh) 9/10

16). When using sugar avoid using more 3.5 tablespoons. If able to use stevia.

(3.5 tbsp of sugar is insane to me..) 2/10

17).Drink water in between every bite. Always remember even though you feel fat you still have to eat something

(I try to chug water after every meal. Stay Hydrated.) 11/10

18). Always keep sugar free hard candies/gum on hand to ward off hunger pains

(This is also good if you tend to get dizzy from fasting even though some might consider it breaking a fast hard candies definitely help) 7/10

19). Don't drink your calories. If offered candy only eat 1 piece. Also if trying to avoid binge hide candy.

(So I agree with the don’t drink your calories part everything else is stupid. Just don’t eat the candy..?) 4/10

20). Drink warm lemon water to ward off hunger.

(Warm lemon water is one of my faves) 12/10

Fear foods~

Again these are from 2018, however I still have mostly the same fear foods and safe foods.

Bread (except for bagels)

Any condiment other than mustard

(Weird.. but yes?)

Grapes

(Love grapes now.. one of my favorite fruits)

Sugary drinks

Sugar in general unless its for coffee /tea

Sodium/ high sodium foods

(Yes and no.. depends on the day😂)

Fried foods

Foods with fat/oil/grease

Foods that have a little serving but high calories

not really specific I have many fear foods as I tend to avoid mostly everything

(I don’t avoid as much now but yeah..)

Safe Foods✨

I don’t have much to say about my safe foods. They’re safe foods what can I say.🤷‍♀️ Except for the fact that I had grapes as both a fear food and a safe food for some reason? Idk what weird fixation I had with grapes but okay ig?

1) Peanut butter

2) Banana

3) Grapes

4) Oranges

5) Cherries

6)Peaches

7) Pretzels

8) Popcorn

9) Lettuce

10)Cucumbers

11)Corn

12)Tomato

13)Rice

14) Chicken

15)Rice Cakes

16) Almond milk

If you made it to the end of this long ass post here’s a butterfly 🦋. Stay safe angels🌸

#ana rexx #anamya #anarec1a #tw ana diary #tw ana mention #tw ed diet #ana shit #ana trigger #eating disoder trigger warning #anarecja #ana rules #ed shitpost #ed food diary #ed shit #ana shitpost #ana tw #tw ana #anarexx #ana rant #ed ana #anamia #ana #trigger warning ed ana #trigger warning ana #tw ana rant #ed tw #tw ed

[adultswim2021]

Delocated #5: “The Soother” | March 16, 2009 - 12:15AM | S01E05

Kim goes off on a yoga retreat, but leaves behind a plaster mold of her own hand. Jon becomes unusually dependent on it, and the episode features at least one loving montage of him being romantic with the hand. There might’ve been two montages, I fell asleep before I could write this up and I’m relying on my notes. I hope there was two montages, because we all deserve that. 

Jon also becomes a professional “soother” after a chance encounter proves that his buttery smooth/electronically modified voice is just what a colicky baby needs to drift off to beddy-bye. This results in a successful launch of a CD of Jon lulling your little angel to sleep. This gets under Yvgeny’s skin, whose comedy CD is not only selling poorly, but was also disrespected by his father, currently doing hard time being a prison guy. It should be noted, Jon records this CD and see it's release within the space of a week.

Kim comes home and is disturbed by Jon’s obsession with the fake hand, which is destroyed during a botched mob hit. The episode ends with an emotional ceremony of Jon spreading the ashes, or possibly just ground-up remnants of the hand. 

Season one of Delocated is perfectly respectable and funny, but the more memorable episodes are still to come. This one is a fine collection of funny bits, like the running gag where Mike gets emotionally distraught when people reject his Halal French toast and has to call his mother. Also I liked when Jon likened Kim’s plaster hand to if he made a plaster mold of his penis were the shoe on the other foot. Or, glove on the other hand, if you will. 

Hey, I couldn’t figure out how to work this into the write-up proper, so I’m adding it here. Also, I’m not sure how funny it actually is on paper, so please imagine me doing this on stage, and I’m making a very funny face while saying it, and everyone cheers when I get done saying it. Thanks: 

“I’ve heard of a feet guys before, but hand guys????” 

Let’s give me a hand, guys.

MAIL BAG

You didnt ask me but I have a dog and definately have gone through the doggy door before. unfortunately i got stuck last time I tried and was in there for quite a bit until my stepbrother showed up and plowed my fat white girl ass. toodles

I hope he got you pregnant and that your child grows up to read my blog and be my biggest fan :D I am a star!

For a class about the Comedies of Ancient Greece and Rome, i did a 10 min presentation comparing Xavier Renegade Angel to Socrates from the play The Clouds. I chose a student at random to read aloud my transcription of the Free Range Mannibalism cold open (“these byways of Ameri-can’t are coated con carnage…”). No one knew what the fuck i was talking about. I got an A-, i think.

People really despise this television show. It's hardly surprising, but, gosh, I wish the entire world agreed with me.

i wonder if Free Range Mannibalisn is less confusing to people who remember Mad Cow disease. Although even by the time of that episode airing, that was already barely a thing anymore

Brings to mind this one joke from Duckman where they make a Mad Cow Disease reference and then the screen pauses and a subtitle pops up explaining that the joke was written back when it was relevant. Duckman, still funny. I forget what your question was. If you are a trustee of the Everett Peck estate or current holder of the Duckman IP please reboot Duckman and let me and my friends write it.

#adult swim #adultswim2021 #delocated

[zee-has-commitment-issues]

zee i’m BEGGING for your dark and mysterious backstory

*sigh*

Alright. I had to ask my girlfriend's advice, but alright.

Everyone settle in. Get some popcorn. This shit is long, and it is batshit. There are five people that know the entire story. Me, the other person it involves, my girlfriend, Dani, and my other best friend who we lovingly refer to on this blog as "the golden retriever." My therapist also knows, but we don't really count that. But that is it. That is everyone who has ever gotten to know.

There should probably be trigger warnings on this, but I don't even know what it could possibly be for. So like TW for mentions of suicide, inappropriate minor-adult relationships, death threats and probably a few other things.

I used to be very involved in the Harry Potter fandom. And some of the fandom still brings me comfort, and I do love a lot of the fan-made content that JK Trolling has nothing to do with. I, however, cannot consume Harry Potter content in the same way I used to after this story, and I'm sure you'll see why.

Now, if y'all were involved in the Harry Potter community on TikTok in 2020, you probably heard about Golden Boy. It was a Fred Weasley fanfiction, for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about. It was... explicit, to say the least.

It was a Fred Weasley sex novel. I'm not even going to try to sugarcoat it. It was a very explicit sex novel.

I heard about it through TikTok, like most people did. The author was named Samine, and she had a pretty decent following on TikTok (150K when I found her I think) and she had a very large reading (about 2 million people when I found it). It was kind of a trend on Harry Potter TikTok to read GB and record your reactions, so I did that. She liked the video and commented on it and that was the first time I interacted with Samine.

I was 16. She was 21.

It was during quarantine, so I didn't have much to do, so I started working on an art piece. I drew one of the original characters from her story. I sent it to her and said "hey I made this. You probably won't see this but thank you for the inspiration" and the whole thing, you know?

Well, she did see it, and that began my very long relationship with the author of Golden Boy.

She asked if she could post it on her Instagram, and add it to the beginning of her new chapter, and of course I said yes. She had almost 200k followers on TikTok and 40k on Instagram and 3 and a half million readers and I was sitting there with my 2000 followers, so of course I said yes. I did not expect the reaction I got. I gained a shit ton of followers overnight and people wanted more art, so I started making more.

Now, here's where it gets a little shady. Samine was 21. She asked me to lie about my age because of the nature of her story. Being the naïve little 16-almost-17-year-old that I was, I, of course, said yes. I told people I was 17 almost 18 for over a year.

I started getting some hate. People kept saying it looked like I was making my headshots on ArtBreeder, but we cleared it up quickly by posting a video of my process and it mostly went to rest. I still got some mean messages, but it wasn't too bad and Samine told me not to worry about it because she "got way worse."

It should have been a red flag, but alas.

After like 5 headshots (unpaid, even though they took 15 hours each, of course) she asked if I would be her official artist. And, again, I said yes without a second thought. We started an Official Golden Boy Art Instagram account, and we started getting followers on there. Her following grew on all platforms, her readership getting to about 14 million reads at some point, and mine was steadily growing as well. I was really excited.

At this point, "Zee" was born. I was going by my actual name, and it just wasn't working anymore. People were finding me, and my friends, and my family. It was uncomfortable. It was scary. I started going by Zee so fewer people would find that shit out about me, but it still happened and if you look back far enough on any of my social medias, you'll find my real name. People found my school. My High School. Someone called my school and pretended to be my mom.

Samine started talking to me about some really personal things. Her mental health, her issues with her family, her sex life. (again, I was underage the entire time I worked under Samine) We had a friendship, as well as a work relationship. Which, I suppose, is why I did thousands of hours of work for her unpaid. Each headshot could take anywhere from 15 to 30 hours and I normally charged for them, but I didn't with her, and they took up way too much of my time, so I couldn't really do commissions anymore. I didn't care. I had a following, and I was getting brand deals and it was super cool.

Then things started to take a turn. There were people who had found details in GB that were... less than politically correct. There were some racist undertones, some mlm fetishization, and some blurred lines of consent. Some of it could be explained away with author ignorance and at that point I was convinced I knew Samine enough to let her explain it all away.

That did not stop death threats to both of us and she got doxxed, but oh well.

She took the story down at 20M and started rewriting it. The whole time she was telling me about her mental health, her family drama, her sex life and romantic relationships. I would like to put here that she had a gf and was telling me every detail about how they sexted and shit. It wasn't uncomfortable at the time, but looking back, I want to smack myself across the face.

She reposted the fic after a rewrite, and it was met with mixed reviews. Some people were happy to have it back. Some people were still upset with Samine (FOR OBVIOUS AND VALID REASONS) and some people were just finding out about everything for the first time. And, once again, people found problems in Samine's writing. This time it couldn't be boiled down to ignorance. Because she had been told at this point. It wasn't ignorance anymore.

She was doxxed again. Hacked. Someone was like dead set on making sure she didn't have a platform (and honestly she probably shouldn't have had one). There were like "fandom wars" and stuff. People were defending Samine and people were ripping her to shreds. People were in my DMs every day saying shit and at one point I had to post something saying that I wouldn't be answering or reading any more of them because I was getting too many threats.

I was called... awful things. Things I cannot repeat here. I didn't have anything to do with the fic except the art and the "marketing" for the rewrite but I was friends with Samine, and that was close enough for them. It was really bad. My mental health suffered. But I was more focused on Samine's mental health because she had told me before that she was suicidal.

When Samine went offline for a few days at a time without notice, I was looking up obituaries for her hometown. That's how scared she made me for her. Every time something went wrong, or we disagreed, or I told her she did something ignorant, she brought up the fact that she was suicidal.

Please keep in mind I WAS SIXTEEN AND SEVENTEEN YEARS OLD.

So, one day, when I was with Dani and Golden Retriever, I got a text that say "{her real name} died. She killed herself last night." And I believed it. Because I didn't have any reason not to.

It became a really big thing. I had like 5,000 unanswered DMs when I opened Instagram (it had been a few hours because me, Dani and Golden Retriever were on a day-road-trip), the GB account was blowing up, someone was posting on Samine's account. I got in contact with a few of our other GB "team members" and let them know what was going on. Because I was the Official Artist, they believed what I told them.

THEN Samine's ex-gf texted me and was like "hey, the bitch isn't dead."

When I tell you Dani, Golden Retriever and I were baffled.

But, sure enough, she was posting on twitter all merry and shit. So I texted her on her actual phone instead of Instagram and she answered. I'd spent like 12 hours crying into Dani's shoulder about this bitch being dead and she literally wasn't. She was alive. She was fine.

Samine pretended she didn't know what was going on. She said she got hacked (by a stalker she had conveniently never told me about before). She had me post her statements to the Official Account while she "worked on getting her account back."

Samine eventually "got her accounts back" but decided the drama surrounding GB wasn't worth it and she abandoned the fic. She abandoned her account. She abandoned me.

Turns out: BITCH NEVER HAD A HACKER OR A STALKER. SHE FAKED HER OWN DEATH. FAKED HER RESURRECTION TOO.

She left me alone to deal with the fallout of it all. I still get hundreds of DMs a week asking about if GB is coming back. I have abandoned the GB account, mostly abandoned my original account from before GB and cut ties with all things Harry Potter.

I literally cannot watch Harry Potter anymore. It sends me into a panic. It hurts me. I also don't make art anymore. It feels wrong. For a very long time, I also didn't write because Samine had convinced me that I would never write as good as she did.

I know I didn't do anything, really. I was a kid, and I was being manipulated, just like all of her followers were. I still feel extremely guilty for being part of something that hurt so many people.

I don't know how the fuck I managed to get through it. I was seventeen and receiving death threats for drawing pretty pictures. I was seventeen and reading explicit private messages from a 21/22 year old. I was seventeen and lying about my age so people wouldn't call her out about her inappropriate relationship with me.

I made a few good friends from it. I met my gf because of it. I am literally bonded for life with Dani and Golden Retriever because they are equally traumatized from the day that we all thought Samine had "died."

I find the good in it because it's all I have.

At the height of GB I had about 15k followers on Instagram (more on tik tok and other platforms). I'm down to about 2k now on the Instagram I use, and I am more than happy with that.

So, when someone said earlier that I was "famous" and I said no it is because I know what it's like to be an "influencer" in a fandom, and this is not it. When asked if I would start drama for fun, and I said no, it is because I've dealt with that shit before against my will and it is not fun.

That is my dark fandom past. I feel guilty for it, even though I shouldn't. I'm fucking traumatized from some of the dms I got over the year and a half I was working on that fic.

Overall, YR is better. My 1000 unhinged tumblr followers are better. I am very content to never do a brand deal again.

#ask #anon #zee's dark and mysterious fandom past #golden boy

[onboardsorasora]

2, 4, 16, 22, 56, 58, 70 & 74 😊

hey Bestie!! it took me a minute lmao but here we go!

2. Do you plan each chapter ahead or write as you go?

Short answer: I try to. Long answer: I try to have an outline where I might jot down ideas in the spaces I think they can go and then I just write and see what happens. That's why I don’t like posting my big fics til theyre done because I add a lot of stuff after the fact.

4. Where do you find inspiration for new ideas?

😂😂😂 I know a lot of my ideas are very… out there and wonky. And truly it could be a random thought or a conversation/media– anything and if it snags then I try to think ‘ok [idea] what comes next’ and if its something I get excited about, i have a whole lot of moments where I’m audibly going ‘ooh but what if…’ and then I take up my phone and make a note in a doc. Some ideas get chosen, some don’t.

16. How many fic ideas are you nurturing right now? Share one of them?

So I’ll answer this in two ways: how many fic ideas do I have written down right that havent been fleshed out or posted: 9

How many of these ideas have more than just ‘idea au?’: 4

One of them is a music teacher au, where Daniel is a private music tutor and he’s supposed to be teaching Max how to play piano/cello (i haven't committed to any yet) and Max spends their tutoring time watching Daniel’s hands/fingers and how he feels the music and jacks off about it

22. Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I currently don’t have any because I’m willing to get out of my comfort zone to try new things (for example my new Dewis fic– terrified of doing a poor Lewis characterization)

56. What’s something about your writing that you pride yourself on?

I think I have to give myself some props on my ideas and being able to actually flesh them out into interesting stories. And my comedy. (and my ability to put angst in everything lmao)

58. What part of the writing process do you enjoy the most? (Brainstorming, outlining, writing, editing, etc)

I do love outlining. And then I procrastinate starting, because I find writing to be all encompassing, like I will ignore life if I’m trying to get an idea out. Editing is the part I like least, but it makes me giddy because that means I’m almost ready to share my idea

70. When asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?

I actually don’t tell people anymore. Because then they think it means I can write anything and that’s just not true. But I used to be embarrassed to tell people  when I wrote Inuyasha fanfiction haha so there are people that know and more than likely have forgotten. I don’t hesitate to tell people i read fic though, so idk 

74. You’ve posted a fic anonymously. How would someone be able to guess that you’d written it?

Oh this is hard because I truly don’t know if theres anything I that I do across fic. If there is, please lemme know!! I’ve managed to shoehorn a twilight (movie) reference in 2 of my big fics tho so that makes me giggle

#thinking about this was fun. might have learned somethign new about myself #thanks for asking Anon! #ask game #answered #anonymous

[saltwatersweetner]

Forever and Ever and Ever

Armin x Reader

You were a lost cause way before you even knew.

CW: Manipulative Behaviors, Cheating, Lying, mild strangulation, Gaslighting, love bombing, obsession, minor violence, reader is the work of year's of manipulation.

In all honesty, you liked the attention at first.

To have someone so wholly and devoted to you was amazing. Never having to question his whereabouts or do all the other things your friends had complained to you about was like a dream.

Until Annie came along and suddenly; it was like you didn’t matter anymore.

It's not that you didn’t trust Armin, you trusted him so much. You knew he wouldn’t intentionally hurt you right? At least you thought he wouldn’t—but you also weren’t blind to the way they acted with each other—like two long-lost lovers.

Like now.

You were supposed to be hanging out but he’d arrived late, the remnants of laughter painting his lips and red-tinged cheeks.

It almost felt like he was mocking you.

“Sorry I’m late Annie needed— wait where are you going?”

You didn’t even let him get a word out before you were walking away. You honestly wanted to be as far away from him as possible you felt...unstable almost.

Like you couldn't breathe; like you were close to screaming and tearing your hair out.

“We were supposed to meet at 12 o’clock, the movie started at 12:45; it is 4:16.” Breathing through your nose you yank your arm from his grip and continue walking.

Of course, he runs after you, not seeming to quite grasp how you were actually feeling.

He manages to grab your arm again completely stopping you in your tracks. He didn’t look it but Armin was strong as shit.

“H-Hey im sorry Annie needed my help with something and I lost track of time I didn’t mean to—“

Yanking your arm from his hold you give him the meanest look you could muster. You could tell the look on your face surprised him because you’d never looked at him like that before with so much malice and contempt.

“It doesn’t matter what you meant you stood your girlfriend up for 4 hours.”

Armin huffs and tries to grab you again but you evade his grasp “You just want me to abandon my friends when they need help?”

You felt violent.

You never felt…violent; towards your boyfriend before.

There surely must be something wrong with you to want to hurt him in such a way, to make him feel the way you did…but you didn't find it in yourself to care.

“No, but as your partner I expect a lot more communication than a on my way text! Do you know how embarrassing it was to stand here without any clue as to if you were coming?”

You had no regard for the other stragglers around at this hour who were just a little invested in the drama goin on on this side of the sidewalk. Armin however did care expressed by the way his neck and ears were turning a bright red. He puts his hands on your shoulders to keep you in place, distress, and embarrassment painting his features.

“You’re making a scene, lets's talk about this at your place.”

Objectively his place was closer and you both knew this. That's what puts all the clues you didn't want to see together and confirms at least one suspicion.

Laughing you can only shake your head as hysteria starts to set in “She’s in your dorm isn’t she that's why you want to go to mine.”

You were on the verge of a mental breakdown. Your emotions just felt everywhere and you couldn’t even think of how to get your thoughts back in order.

Why did you feel like this? How could Armin of all people make you feel like this?

“No your dorm is just closer.” He says it so confidently that you were almost inclined to believe him if you didn't already know that he was full of shit.

Something like a bell goes off in your head.

Pushing him away, you can't help but laugh “No my dorm is a 10-minute walk from here your dorm is around the corner.”

Armin's eyes search yours almost calculating something before nodding faintly “….yeah she's in my dorm.”

Sadness is a secondary emotion.

Anger takes hold much quicker...and then you just feel empty.

“So is it fun fucking her while your girlfriend is waiting for you?” Your voice is so quiet that if he wasn't so close to you he wouldn't have barely been able to hear you.

Armin looks panicked again but also almost, relieved? The expression is gone from his face before you can even take actual note of it.

“We’re not fucking, she just needed my help. I would never do that to you." Armin's hands find your face trying to convey his words "I love you so much, I wouldn't ever think of doing something like that. You know me (Y/N).”

Your jaw ticks under his warm palm “Do I?”

The violent urge had subsided by this point but you were nowhere near a forgiving mood. You didn't like being angry, much less being angry at someone you loved.

“You do." His thumbs rub pseudo soothing motions into our skin and you almost felt the urge to lean into him. You brain was playing tricks on you "You're the love of my life, my future, my everything. I would never think of cheating on you, you have to trust me its nothing going on between us.”

He punctuates each word with unwavering eye contact that makes your anger start to waver but you stay strong.

“I don’t believe you.”

You wanted to, you really, really; wanted to but something inside of you refused to let him sweet talk his way back into your good graces.

“Then I’ll spend all the time I need to convince you—starting now, let's go get dinner I wasted enough of your time today.”

You let him pull you into a hug that almost made you relax if you weren’t so pissed off. You didn't believe him but what other choice did you have? He was being so sincere and apologetic it was almost too tempting to believe him.

Armin does make it up to you however, and many times over almost to the point where he was back to normal after letting Annie steal all his time from you. It was almost like falling back into routine living in pure relationship bliss.

But sometimes—just sometimes when he came to see you. You could just barely smell a hint of a perfume clinging to his skin.

You trusted Armin, you did; and you couldn’t even find evidence that he was lying about not cheating on you. So why couldn't you let it go?

Why were you obsessing over this?

Were you just being crazy?

“Girl I hate the stressed look on your face, just confront him.”

Biting your thumbnail you keep your eyes locked on Armin’s back. He was sitting around with his friends no more than 600 feet from you and as far as you could tell unaware of your presence which at this moment in time you preferred considering he would probably coerce you into sitting with him.

“I tried that I need actual proof.”

Your best friend gives you a look filled with pity that you ignore completely. You’d rather die than continue with your accusations without knowing if you were just filled with paranoia and insecurity.

Turning away from them you pull out your phone and send a precautionary text to Armin which is replied to almost immedietly. The fact he was replying like nothing was wrong made you almost feel guilty for borderline stalking him.

Your best friend's voice breaks your train of thought “She’s laying her head on his shoulder.”

Waving her off you plan out another text to test if he would start lying about anything. You just wanted to catch him doing something, anything, really. “Mikasa does that.”

She tries again “They're holding hands?”

Hitting send you almost feel irritated at her voice “Mikasa does that too.”

You wished she would give you something with substance something that finally proved you right.

To make you stop feeling so fucking obsessed.

”Well damn do Mikasa kiss your boyfriend on the mouth too??”

Your head whips up at breakneck speed and you’re gifted to the sight of Armin giving Annie one of the softest kisses you’d ever witnessed. He only kissed you like that when he was feeling particularly sweet.

Armin lied?

Honestly you almost expected it, no boy could ever be so perfect.

A terrifying numbness takes hold of your heart.

Your phone finally buzzes with a response but you ignore it in favor of gathering your things “Let's go.”

Your best friend looks worried and unsure. Even she hadn't expected this outcome either “You’re not gonna confront him?”

Slipping your phone into your pocket you shake your head. You felt like your entire world was silently imploding “And get embarrassed? No thanks.”

“You ok pumpkin?”

You could only shrug in response, you didn’t have a real answer for her and you weren’t gonna hurt yourself trying to find one.

Silently parting ways with your friend you head back to your dorm and pack anything of his that you could find into a bag. You wanted every trace of him scrubbed from your room.

You wanted him to stop existing.

Your minds a blur as you somehow materialize into his dorm building. The plan was to get in and get out and hopefully not cry and make a bigger fool of yourself.

The second you appear on his floor you're greeted by Jean who seemed to be on his way somewhere but immediately changes his mind the moment his eyes land on you.

“Oh (Y/N) whats up! Armin's not home right now so—“

Connie, who was in his room jumps up and pokes his head out the door once he heard your name; trying and failing to look inconspicuous behind his tall friend.

You don't question their nervousness because of course they would know anything that had to do with the whole thing; they were his friends after all.

“You can stop covering for him I already know now move so I can give him his shit and be done with it.” Narrowing your eyes you try to go around him but he blocks your way.

"Move."

When Jean doesn’t move but starts to look apologetic you get mad enough to shove him completely out of your way sending him tumbling to the ground.

Connie jumps having watched the whole exchange with wide eyes “Oh my god Jean are you ok?!”

Swinging Armin's door open has Annie jumping out of his lap in surprise. Armin's staring at you like a deer in headlights and can't even bother to get a word out before you’re throwing the bag filled with his things onto his floor.

“Fuck both of yall.”

You’re barely out the door before he’s following after you calling your name along the way. He doesn't even have the nerve to look shameful as he buttons his pants along the way.

You originally planned to take the elevator back down but with him following after you the stairs were your best bet.

Armin latches on to your wrist before you can make it through the doorway. Once again you’re reminded just how physically strong he actually was as he pulls you firm against his chest.

“Armin let me go.”

Armins grip only tightens the more you struggle against him, his arms were practically an iron cage at this point and the longer time went on his hold on you turned almost painful.

“No, not until we talk about this.”

Still squirming in his arms you huffed in almost defeat “There's nothing to talk about, I don’t want anything else to do with you!”

If you could see his face you’d have watched the mild panic drop into something a little more sinister.

“So you wanna break up with me?”

You strangely feel conflicted at his question but you still find it in you to answer "...yes.”

“Why.”

You turn your head to try and catch a glimpse of his face “Are you serious?!”

He seriously had to be fucking with you it's the only thing that made sense.

“We can work through this it was a mistake—“

Trying to kick him you huff when the hit doesn't land “You don't mistakenly cheat on somebody!”

“You’re making a scene we can talk about this in my room.”

Technically the scene was made as soon as you sent all 6’1 of Jean Kirstein flying down the hall but, details.

“No im not going anywhere with you especially not in the room you fucked your little girlfriend in!” Kicking your feet out your thrashing is only temporarily quelled by Armin pressing you against the wall.

“I didnt fuck her!”

Stomping your foot you just narrowly miss his foot “Bull. Shit.”

You had never been so angry at him before, he’d never done something to hurt you before so you weren’t even sure how to emotionally react.

Your emotions were just...everywhere.

It was almost unhealthy.

“We almost did and its no excuse for it—“

Kicking the wall you almost manage to knock him back “Then why would you kiss her?! I saw you, you little fucking liar; you kissed her in front of everybody do you know how embarrassing that is—why are you crying?!”

Armin's tears were landing on your shoulder in burning hot trails. “You cant leave me you cant.”

Groaning you try once again to force your way out of his grip; to the same result. Meanwhile, Arkin continues his monologue.

“You’re the best thing thats ever happened to me you’re right im fucking terrible but you have to give me another chance I can fix this.”

Armin's grip tightens significantly at that.

It was so tight in fact that it was starting to cut into your oxygen. Patting his arm in a panic you shift in his grip only making it worse.

“Armin—Armin that hurts let go—“

Your ribcage felt like it would snap at any moment. Like one wrong move would kill you.

“No, im not letting go until we fix this.”

He squeezes tighter not giving you any other option. Your heart was pounding wilding in your ribcage with a mixture of lack of oxygen and fear.

“Armin im—cant breath pleas—I cant—“

If you could see his face you’d know just how unhinged he truly looked. “Not until you hear me out, I’ll let you pass out if I have to.”

Black spots were starting to cloud your eyesight and in pure desperation, you managed to croak “ok…talk.”

Armin lets you drop just barely managing to catch you before you fell. You were beyond dizzy and while you struggled to catch your breath Armin lifts you into his arms and robs your back in an attempt at being soothing.

“It's ok my love breathe we can work through this together.”

Weakly pushing at his shoulders you try to get out of his arms but can't. Your energy felt strangely zapped and you quickly give up on trying to get him off of you. With all the fight drained out of you all that was left was how hurt you truly felt.

You couldn’t believe that this was the boy you loved. That he could manage to rip your heart out in such a way.

“I hate you so much, why would you do that to me?”

Dropping your head onto his shoulder all you could do was cry while Armin took you back to his room.

“You don’t really hate me; you’re just upset right now, it's ok we’ll work it out.”

While you two had your scene down the hall Annie had been putting her clothes on at the behest of Jean who was still bright red from embarrassment. He hadn’t expected you to be able to basically fling him down the hall considering the huge height gap.

Did he kind of deserve it? Yes. Would he admit it? No.

The blonde girl after dressing herself quite literally refused to leave as now she had a bone to pick with Armin.

When he comes down the hall Annie felt a shiver roll down her spine. Something about him was fundamentally—wrong.

He wasn’t looking at her with those sparkly eyes anymore and if she knew any better she’d see that he looked downright disgusted with her.

Ignoring him she immediately sets her sights on you “(Y/N) I swear I didn’t—”

Armin cuts her off “Please leave she doesn’t want to talk to you.”

Annie blinks back in shock not expecting Armin to interject so rudely “Im not talking to you—I know it doesn’t fix anything but I’m really sorry.”

You don't even turn your head to address her eyes shut firmly and pressed into Armin’s shoulder “Are you really?”

“W-what?”

You weren’t stupid enough to think she didn't know you two were together—everyone knew you were together. Where one went surely the other followed.

And you really weren’t mad at her…maybe a little bit…but you didn’t blame her. She owed you…nothing.

It was Armin who betrayed you after all.

And now you were crying again.

Annie nearly flinches backwards at the animosity that seemed to pour out of Armin now. He was angry at her like it was solely her fault for your tears.

“We don’t forgive you, do we?”

The use of we is manipulative, strictly there to put you on the spot and to give a false sense of comrades. He wanted you to feel like this was only between you two, like Annie was the enemy.

You knew what he was doing.

When you don’t answer his soothing hands turn slightly violent on your skin, you knew his grip would leave dark bruises in the morning. To everyone else it looked like he simply adjusted his grip but you knew better.

Armins voice is tight and threatening “Do we, (Y/N)?”

Annie watches confused as you practically lock up and then shake your head slowly. She couldn’t explain it but all of a sudden she was very deeply afraid. Her stomach turned with an unknown sickness and finally listening to her instincts gets the hell out of there, but not before spitting out;

“You’re fucking weird!’

Armin hums somewhere back in his throat and takes you into his room without speaking a word to Jean or Connie all his attention seemingly attached to you. In reality, he was thinking of every way you’d try to break up in the coming days and every way he could stop that from happening.

“Its ok baby we’ll get through this together, it’ll be like it never happened, like she never existed.”

You somehow felt like he had a double meaning there, a sinister one. It's emphasized by the way Armin tilts your head back forcing eye contact. He’s cradling your face like you're the most precious thing ever; he’s beautiful like this, so soft and doting. 

But Lucifer was also beautiful.

“ You want to forget about her right? All you have to do is tell me so and she’s gone for good.”

He runs a thumb over your lip sending a tingle down your spine. He seemed almost mesmerized by your mouth. Like he wanted to devour you from the inside out.

You don't know why you were allowing him so much of you at the moment. You should be disgusted by his hands roaming your body so quickly but you felt strangely, relieved?

“Armin...”

He surges forward before you can get the thought out and latches his lips to yours. He invaded every one of your senses forcing you to feel nothing but him, like the true dictator he was.

It was messing with your head.

As much as you didn't want to admit it Armin was the air in your lungs, you couldn't breathe without him, and you couldn't sleep. It was sick but it was true. You'd been together for year's, he was the only solid thing to ever grace your life.

But, he finally hurt you.

Even in this moment, where your guard was considerably lower; the betrayal still felt almost like a fever. Like something you could never be prepared enough for. It felt like he’d personally carved out your heart. 

And as greedy as he was; here he was once again demanding it.

That was something you would not be able to live through a second time.

Pulling away you put a hand on his face to stop him from chasing your lips “If you do that. If you hurt me like that again...I’m really leaving, I promise you.”

And you were serious.

Your heart wasn’t fragile by no means but who wanted to be cheated on? You’d already look dumb taking him back now and if it were to ever happen again you couldn’t bare the shame that would bring.

“You would leave me?”

Armin’s stare is cold and calculated. A look you only ever saw when you'd made him unreasonably angry. It was rare but familiar.

You nod without fear “without a word.”

“Leave me?” Armin laughs under his breathe and that look is in his eyes again as he forces your back into the bed. He makes a show of climbing over you; imposing his body weight onto yours, stealing the few bits of oxygen he so graciously gifted you. “That’s funny that you think you even have a choice.”

“Try to leave me if you want, you'll hate every moment of it. I'm welded into your bones you cant tell where I end and you start and you want to leave me?” he laughs again truly amused at your boldness while his hands explore your body is warm waves.

“You’re mine forever do you understand? I own every inch of this body. Death couldn’t even keep me from you.”

You stare at him incredulously, almost wanting to feel shocked at his declaration “Armin I’m serious.”

“So am I,” He forces your legs open and makes himself comfortable between them “You may not realize it yet but you need me. You need me so much it hurts but its ok i’ll make sure you never forget.”

And he did.

And just like he told you, every waking moment afterward was spent pressed to his side. You truly didn't know where one began and the other ended. You didn't even have time for anyone but him nowadays so that was ok too.

Armin was all you needed right?

You were his and his alone after all.

#aot x reader #armin arlet x reader #armin x reader #armin x you #aot imagines #armin imagine #armin oneshot

[x3kristax3]

After Duskwood

Chapter 16 Jake’s POV I watch MC and her sister leave the kitchen as I’m here with her mom. “So what’s Ashley’s favorite cake?” I ask.

“She loves red velvet cupcakes so that's what we’re going to make. She’s never been a big cake fan unlike MC,” she says with a laugh.

“You know MC never told me what she loves when it comes and I want to surprise her one day” I ask as I want to honestly know.

“Her favorite is chocolate cake with peanut butter icing,” she says.

‘I should have known that I feel” I say with a sigh.

“You guys are still so new together I feel there is a lot you probably don’t know about her yet so I’m up for any questions you have that I can answer.” “Thanks. I’ve never felt this way about another woman and seeing her with you guys makes me want to settle down with her even more than I did before.” “Have you met Maggie yet?”  as she pulls out the recipe.

I help measure out everything “No just Alex, he picked us up at the airport. The stories he has about MC are kind of crazy."

“The two of them have always been inseparable. For a while before he met his wife, everyone thought they were gonna end up getting married but they always denied it,” she says.

“Well I’m glad cause I don’t know if my path would of crossed MC’s if she was married” “Most likely would have known the story but she probably would have shut you down” she says with a smile. 

“Do you think I’m like her ex’s?” 

“Absolouty not! I see the way you treat her and watch her. I wasn’t joking yesterday, the way you look at her is like how my husband still looks at me which makes me happy she finally found someone to keep her safe. She told you about her drinking past right?”

“Yeah she told me alot about her past but not much about her life now which makes me wonder why” I say helping mix up the ingredients.

“She likes when a guy tries and finds those things out on his own. I will tell you that she likes to dress up for no special occasion and have a guy plan out dates. That has always been one thing guys have picked up on with her fast.” “Me and her have been hiding so much because of my past I really haven’t had a chance to take her out on a first official date" I say unsure what I will do to win that part of her too.

“Well maybe while you guys are here you can. You don’t seem to need to hide out anymore. Even though I have no idea why you guys had to."

"It's a complicated story” I say as we start pouring the batter into the cupcake liners and I hand them to MC’s mom to put in the oven.

“At least you can follow directions when baking,” she says.

“I’m actually a good cook and baker. I had many nights where I had to defend for myself for dinners so I learned how to on my own with random things” I say as I help clean up the kitchen.

As they finish cleaning MC’s dad walks in “what's baking?” he asks. 

“Red velvet cupcakes for Ashley’s birthday,” MC’s mom says.

“Did Jake help?” he asks.

“Yes I did sir” says Jake “while those are baking is it okay if I do mine and MC’s laundry while she’s out with Ashley?” “Absolutely, let me show you where the washer and dryer are,'' Mc's Mom says.

She shows me where it is and I goes back and grabs the laundry basket and throws them in together since there isn’t much clothes cause they both pack so light.

MC POV I and Ashley come walking back through the door and Jake is in the living room talking with Sean “hey you two” I say with a smile seeing them just talking about computer stuff.

Jake gets up and walks up to me and kisses me “have fun?” he asks looking at ashley.

‘I did. I admit I have the best sister ever” she says with a couple bags.

“Here is your bag” I say looking at him.

He opens it up and its a simple black button down shirt he throws it on over his t-shirt and it's a perfect fit

“Ashley and I need to get ready, we should be leaving soon.” I say as I kiss him softly in front of Ashley and Sean. As I start walking to my room, I feel Jake hand grab mine and follow me. We enter my room and I see the clothes folded on the bed. “You did our laundry too?” I say with a smile.

“I did and her cupcakes are done. I also found some interesting facts about you from your mom” he says with a smile.

“Oh no what did she tell you?” I ask heading into my closet. 

“Oh just some things I should know for our future” he says leaning against the door as i go to my dresses and grab a little black dress and throw it on as he watches me.

“Like what?” I ask.

“You'll find out eventually” he says as he kisses me as I fix the dress.

“Can you zip me up? Normally I'd ask my mom”  I say as I turn my back to him and he leans against me and kisses my neck “red light… just zip” I say with a smile. 

“You're so mean wearing these clothes in front of me and not letting me have fun” he says with a devilish smirk. “Maybe we will go get a hotel room for a night so we can have some fun” I say as I turn around after he zips me and I wrap my arms around his neck.

“That is tempting” he says with a devilish smile.

I head over to my shoes and grab a pair of red heels and put them on. I stand in front of Jake and I’m still shorter than him “thank god… these are my tallest heels” I say with a smile.

“Good you're not allowed to be taller than me,'' he says as he takes off his shirt and puts on his button down shirt with his black jeans.

I help him button it up and bite my lip as I look at him “note to self you look good in button downs” I say.

He see the look in my eyes and pins me against the dresser again “this is gonna be hard for both of us huh?” he says.

“Very much so"  I say as I kiss him. As I do I hear my bedroom door open and I pull away.

“You don’t get much privacy huh?” he says.

“Where is my bestie?” Maggie calls out.

“MAGGIE!” I yell as I walk out of the closet with Jake right behind me.

“Well hello there” she says looking at Jake.

“Maggie, this is Jake. Jake, this is Maggie my best friend” I say as I wrap my around around him.

“Okay you're glowing, is it makeup or him?’ she ask.

“Him cause even Alex said it when I looked like shit from traveling’ I say with a smile.

“Well its nice to finally meet you Jake’ she says.

“You as well even though i feel like you probably heard way more about me then I. have about you.” He says holding my waist.

“Oh most definitely probably have” she laughs ‘but I just wanna say you are so cute together!!”

I blush as she says that “I’m just glad your not judging him like my family did besides my mom” I say

“Nah I knew he was gonna get heat from them because of your ex. You know when you left he came to the bar looking for you. He was trying to get you back” she says.

“Yeah his stupid ass went all the way to Duskwood and stalked me there!” I exclaim.

“You’re kidding right?” she asks

“Nope” I pull out my phone and show her the texts and pictures

“Wow he is a mess” she exclaims with big green eyes.

“You're telling me and we went through the same program and even started the same time” I say with a sigh unsure how we managed different tracks.

“I think he was on something besides just alcohol,'' she says.

“Now that Ii’m out and seeing from a different view it wouldn’t surprise me” I say ‘but are you joining us tonight cause you look stunning?” 

“Yeah when we thought you weren’t gonna be here your mom offered to have me join cause I’m just like a sister to Ashley. Noone told me you came home though until I came walking through the door and saw Ashley and she told me,” kind of annoyed I didn’t tell her.

“Sorry yesterday was kinda hectic with Jake meeting everyone. I ended up going to my spot with him just to destress” I say with a sad puppy face.

“Hey its okay I know things in Duskwood was crazy and coming home to him meeting everyone is even crazier this fas.t” “Hey, I think I’m doing good,”  he says.

“You yes…. My mom yes….. Alex and Maggie yes….. My dad and brother not to so much and I’m a total daddies girl” I say as I turn towards him.

“I could tell right away” Jake says pulling me right against him “I'll win him over I promise.”

“I hope so cause otherwise this is gonna be a rough relationship” I say.

“It's never been perfect but it's the love” he says, looking down at me.

“Awh that is too cute” say Maggie as she snaps a picture of us as Jake is looking down at me and you cant see his face.

“Maggie, can I see that picture?” I ask.

“Yeah” she shows me and jake.

“Can we keep that one?” I ask.

“Yeah you can’t see my face” he says.

“Oh come on you're gonna have to get use to pictures especially in this family” Maggie picks on him. “Plus not like MC didnt manage to get a handsome guy” she jokes.

“We will work our way there. That is actually our first picture together. Plus I know he’s handsome and all mine,” i say with a huge smile

“Well I’m glad I caught it cause the way he looks at you is pure love” she says.

We hear my dad call for us. We all head out after I check myself in the mirror one more time and Jake is standing behind me “MC I must admit we make a cute couple’ he says.

“You guys are gonna make cute babies,” says Maggie.

“MAGGIE!” I yell

“What don’t tell me you guys haven’t yet?’ she says.I throw the closest pillow at her and she catches it. “I take that a yes and it's amazing."

I blush as I lean into Jake “oh the fun tonight is gonna be” he says with a smile.

“Your learning” says Maggie.

“I don’t know if I like that” I say as I turn and walk away from the two of them to my living room where everyone is waiting for us except Ashley “Where is Ashley?”

“She’s still in her room” says mom.

I head to check on her and her room door is open and she's standing in front of her mirror taking pictures “hey you ready for dinner?” “Yeah, come here” she says as I walk to her and she takes a picture of us in front of the mirror.

“My baby sister is growing up too fast,” I say with a sad face.

“Don’t make me cry” she says.

“Let's get going… but first here” I say, grabbing a small gift for my purse.

‘She opens it and it's a locket necklace that opens it and it's one of the first pictures of her and I together and she hugs me tight. “This is just like yours that Sean got you. Can you help me put it on?” she asks.

“Of course, I know it's the right of the family. I got it from the spot he got mine '' I say, clasping it on her neck.

She turns around and hugs me and we take another picture.

Jake comes to get us "whats going on?"

"Sorry I had to give her one of her gifts" I say

"Look what she got me" as she shows Jake the necklace and opens it to the picture inside.

He looks closely "is that you two?" He asks.

"Yeah when she was born I have one from Sean from when I turned 16" I say as he wraps his arm around me.

"By the way Jake, you look good in that shirt," says Ashley.

"Thanks" he says as I take his hand and we all head out.

We enjoy the right right of the night with the family at dinner and going back to have the cupcakes and have ashley open her presents from everyone

Jake pulls me aside "i feel bad she's kind of clung to me today and I didnt get her anything" he says.

"You helped make the cupcakes. It's the thought that counts" I say as I lean up to kiss him now that my heels are off "also it's cute it's only your second day with my family and you care what my sister thinks. I will admit that's a first. Normally they try to impress my brother and dad first." 

"Your brother and I started talking about computers and I'm just trying to prove to your dad I'm not like your ex," he says .

"You so aren't. He will see it eventually. Everyone is already starting to fall for that Jake charm somehow" I say.

“The same charm I hid for so long until you came in my life” he says as he kisses me.

Maggie and Alex walks into the kitchen as Jake kisses me “MC you guys wanna go out?” says Alex.

I look at Jake “want to see the city at night?” I ask him.

“Sure,” he says.

“Great there is a new bar that just opened this weekend I’ve been wanting to hit up” says Maggie.

“Oh no drunk MC’ says Jake as he laughs remembering the stories.

“Your gonna gonna lose your shit are you?” asks Alex

“I'm not gonna get drunk” I state.

“Look who you're going out with” says Maggie.

“They have a point,” says Sandra, Alex's wife.

“Let me put my heels back on and tell the birthday girl goodnight” I say.I walk to Ashley’s room and she's sitting up in her bed on her phone “did you have a good birthday?”

‘“Yes, thank you for being here” she says.

“Your welcome there is another gift from me that Maggie is gonna do with you on Friday” I say with a smile.

“No you didnt!” she yells.

“Yes I did your welcome but I’m gonna head out with Jake and my friends. Relax tonight and get a good night sleep” I say kissing her forehead as I turn around Sean is there.

“Maybe I was wrong about Jake” he says leaning in the doorway.

“It's okay I do have a bad track history with guys but Jake is different I promise you” I say as I hug him.

“I’ll walk out with you guys” he says.

“I think we’re walking to the new bar around the block”  I say as he looks down at my heels.

“And your walking in those?” he says.

“You know how I am’ I say with a smile as we head out to the kitchen with everyone else

Jake stares at me as I walk out and grabs my hand pulling me close “why do you have to be so beautiful?” he whispers into my ear.

I blush into his shoulder “why do you have to be such a good guy?” I ask.

“Only with you” he says.

“Wait does that mean you’ve been a bad boy before?” says Sean.

I look at him “oh like you weren’t at a point in your life” I say giving him a glare.

“Fine I’ll shut up” he says.

“You need to teach me how to do that’ says Maggie.

“Haha it's because he’s my brother… the blackmail I have on him from over the years mom and dad would probably kill him” I say with a laugh as I let go of Jake but he doesnt let go of my hand.

“Okay let's go before the bar gets packed’ says Alex.

“It's a tuesday” says Jake

“Haha but it's summer and a brand new bar” I say.

#duskwood #duskwoodlover #duskwood fanfiction #writing #fanfic #mc x jake #everbyte duskwood

[ellie-e-marcovitz]

Mid-May, 1998

London St Mary’s - 16 May

I woke to the steady beeping of a heart monitor, cringing at the amount of sun. A ‘whisk’ and the light levels dropped considerably, allowing me to relax some, and drop my arm from covering my eyes.

“Charlie?” I rasped, feeling all out of sorts. The last thing I remembered clearly was being in the Great Hall up at Hogwarts, talking with Charlie, with everything before and after a riotous blur of colour and noise. Anymore, and my head started to hurt.

The shadowy figure paused in the act of straightening the curtains, clearly surprised at my awakening, before coming closer.

“Sorry pip,” came Jacob’s voice, his tone apologetic as he walked over and folded himself into the chair next to my bed. “But he should be back soon.”

“What day is it?” I asked, after a couple minutes of silence. He glanced at his watch, squinting for a half minute.

“At least the fourteenth…” he muttered, sticking it back in his pocket. “I accidentally damaged it on my last dig.” I mentally rolled my eyes. The mere thought of actually doing so hurt.

“More like on one of your side adventures,” I replied quietly. Jacob gave a snort of amusement. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday,” I continued. “Was it a good day?”

“Pretty good, until I received an owl, saying that my younger sister got herself injured in a bloody huge battle!” He hadn’t yelled the last part, but the emotional impact was there.

I cringed, but before he could continue further, Charlie entered the room, clutching cups of tea, and a befuddled look on his face. “I wasn’t sure which type of tea – Ellie!” he said, befuddlement turning rapidly, first to shock, then joy. “You’re awake!”

Somehow, he’d managed to not drop the tea in the process.

I smiled the best I could. “Hey Charlie,” I murmured, suddenly feeling tired again. “You’re still here.” He gave a toothy grin in return.

“Course I am. Mum wouldn’t let me leave you on your own, ‘specially once she found out you were on your own.” He handed Jacob his tea, before lounging against the windowsill, sipping his. Him and Jacob took advantage of me being awake to tell me what had transpired since I crashed in the Great Hall.

The dead had been counted, and profiled, with a team of survivors trying to contact anyone related to those lost on the light side. Death Eaters were slowly being rounded up, with Kingsley Shacklebolt at the helm of the Ministry for now.

There had also been one final Phoenix Paper drop, complete with Devon Marlowe revealing herself. Which reminded me, that I needed some way of letting her know that I was safe.

But before I could, apparently it had been long enough that the attending physician decided to pop in and check on me.

“Ah, Miss Marcovitz, you’re awake!” he cheered, his accent difficult to place. I idly noticed that he looked vaguely like a great-great uncle of mine. “I’m Dr. Chesterton.”

A quick examination later, during which I could feel some, but not all, of the prods given to the bottom of my right foot, not that we could always understand what the doctor was saying.

It was after he had moved on, that Jacob and Charlie finished their news. Apparently, several people had died at St. Mungo’s after succumbing to unseen injuries, Merula among them. I honestly felt conflicted.

It wasn’t like she was a friend to any degree, but that wasn’t really something that should happen. I didn’t wish her dead.

In other news, Tonks and Lupin were both recovering as well, and Mrs. Weasley had her children busy with a multitude of tasks and chores, along with Harry and Hermione, whom Jacob had met as well. The Burrow had apparently been ransacked a couple times while they were in hiding, as had the Twins’ shop in Diagon Alley as well.

There was also the emotional fall out as well, with the funerals starting. That left me anxious, but unable to say anything, as I started back to sleep. Clearly, I’d managed to stay awake longer than expected, as Jacob and Charlie set about dropping the light levels some more.

17 May

It was the next day that I woke with a little more clarity, and no one in the room. The TV was on, sound off, and a football match playing. It looked like it might’ve been an Arsenal match at that. I quietly watched it, wondering where either Charlie or Jacob were and when they’d be back.

It didn’t seem like a long time, before Dr. Chesterton stuck his head in, a wide grin on his face. “Ah, good, you’re awake. Just want to examine if you’ve regained any sensation since yesterday, before we start planning your physical therapy regimen.”

Those, at least, were words I could understand, even if it was close to a decade later. A good few pokes to my foot later, and still only feeling part of them, he made some notes on his clipboard and a slightly grumpy noise.

“Well, the nervous system is delicate,” he mumbled, and I could pick just the slightest Scottish accent on ‘delicate’, before he set the clipboard back in his pocket. He paused, as if to say something, before I picked up the sound of distant footsteps, and an equally distant, “Miss, please!”

It had to be Jane, followed by most, if not all, of the uni crew, Charlie and Jacob. But it had to be Jane currently barrelling towards the room I was in, leading the group. I wished for my wand, if only to dampen the sound of her yelling for the rest of the hospital.

No doubt Charlie had it. Or Jacob.

She burst into the room in such a fury that she didn’t even notice the doctor still standing in the room as well.

“ELEANOR MARCOVITZ, WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!!” she roared, and I cringed. This was almost as bad as mum when she was angry. It didn’t help my ears were starting to throb. “JUST A NOTE-!”

Either Charlie or Jacob took the risk and placed a Silencing charm on her before she could get going. I winced. “Well, that’s paediatrics in a riot now…” A pause, while Jane scowled at being cut off from tirade. “I am sorry. I’d hoped to prepare a little better, but apparently the universe, and a teenage hero, had other ideas.”

A wave of a wand. “Well, at least you left us a note or two, instead of just up and disappearing this time.” She grumbled, now at a more reasonable level. “But thanks for saddling us with your classes around finals.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know who else to trust, I guess. Hey everyone,” I greeted the rest as they filtered in, Charlie snagging the chair by my bed, and Dr. Chesterton slipping out. Jacob mock-pouted at Charlie, before leaning against the windowsill.

The afternoon was a more cheerful blur, with even Audrey stopping in for a few minutes. I thought I saw Percy standing outside, waiting nervously for her.

Apparently, the pair were taking the day to escape the rebuilding process at the Ministry, which was reportedly chaotic at best. Jane even noted that Harlan was busy helping rebuild the DMLE and Department of Magical Creatures, especially in dismantling the owl mail tracing that had been set up.

It was as the afternoon waned that they decided to start heading back to Leicester, and there was a round of hugs and “see you later”s as they headed out. Jane handed over my purse, complete with my cell phone, keys and wallet, among other things.

Otherwise, it was quiet. Jacob and Charlie were softly talking, leaving me to my thoughts. I wondered if the rest of the Weasleys were going to visit, if they hadn’t already. Or if any of the Phoenix Resistance members were going to as well.

Speaking of the Phoenix Resistance… “Would either of you happen to have my wand?” I asked, quietly, but enough to startle both Jacob and Charlie. “I’d like to send a Patronus…”

Charlie dove for his pocket, pulling out my wand, bowing slightly while placing it in my hand. “For my lady…” he murmured, dropping a soft kiss and settling back down in the chair.

I grinned. “Expecto Patronum.” I whispered, and a small hoard of puffskein-like tribbles piled out of my wand. A moment, and with a flick, they vanished. I leaned back with a soft groan. Sending such a short message had taken a lot out of me.

I took the moment to nap some, waking to the sound of an owl tapping on the window sometime later. I nudged whoever was in the chair, listening for nurses.

I was handed the scroll of parchment. Cracking the intricate ministry seal, I read,

Sorry I can’t visit. Far too much to do here at the Ministry. But Henry says he might soon. Devon.

Shrugging, I turned it over, and fished out a pen. A short reply was needed, if nothing else.

Don’t wait too long!

18 May

It was the day after, and after Dr. Chesterton finished prodding my foot, along with a promise of something other than the grossly over-nutrient packed hospital food, that there was a knock.

For all I knew, it was a nurse, as both Jacob and Charlie were loose in the hospital, exploring it, like it was some kind of grand adventure. They’d both been shooed out by the nurse who had accompanied Dr. Chesterton, leaving me on my own.

Come in,” I called, my voice still raspy from a lack of use. The door opened, revealing Henry. “Henry! You came!”

“Hey Ellie! Sorry Devon couldn’t come with me.” He closed the door, before settling into the chair. A clip of an announcement filtered through the door as he did so. “Will the two men…”

“It’s alright,” I replied, quietly groaning a little at the announcement.  “I understand things are more than a little busy.” Jane and Audrey had both said as much yesterday, with Devon confirming this with her owl.

And the announcement made me suspect that those “two men” were Jacob and Charlie up to something they shouldn’t be.

Henry pulled a pastry box from his pocket, though not one I immediately recognised. Either way, it smelled delicious, as he set on the small table hanging just above my feet. “Here, I brought you these…”

Upon closer inspection of the box, the logo on it did look somewhat familiar – when I scavenged through the remains of the pub. There had been fragments near the bar area.

“I recognise the logo… kind of…” I noted, softly prodding the box.

“It’s Devon’s family bakery, in Paris.” Henry smiled, reaching over and opening the box. The delicious smells grew.

“Ahh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense. And those smell heavenly.” I happily groaned, as I tried my best to sit up. Finding the remote for the bed, I moved it into a more comfortable sitting position.

“Whoa!” came Henry’s surprised shout, as it moved. I grinned, feeling a touch mischievous.

“It’s better than lying down all day.” I smirked, before pulling the small table closer. “Now, which pastries did you bring…?”

I recognised croissants and macarons, several different flavours at that, but it had been a couple years since I’d been in France.

My confusion must’ve shown, as Henry piped in. “There are croissants, plain, chocolate and almond; a couple flavours of macarons, Paris-Brest, and a couple éclairs.” Raising the box lid with a finger, he poked his head in as well. “Even possibly some madeleines.”

I cooed at the treats. “They all look so delicious…” And more than likely, not allowed. We’d have to be sneaky. Henry gave a short laugh.

“Devon somehow remembered the pastries you devoured the first time you visited the pub.” I flushed a little. That seemed so long ago…

“Yeah, well… a trans-Atlantic flight and barely a bite to eat beforehand…” I’d been so nervous and stressed at the time… I gave a crooked smile. “I’ll definitely get Charlie and Jacob to help me with these. Thanks, Henry. Give my regards to Devon as well.”

We chatted some more about what had happened, both during the battle of Hogwarts and what happened after as well with the Phoenix Resistance. Jacob and Charlie arrived up in the room, knocking as they entered, as Henry was halfway through the celebration at the Leaky Cauldron a few days after the events.

They were in an absurdly jovial mood as they entered. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know what they’d gotten up to since being kicked out of the room. They both leaned against the windowsill, Charlie greeting Henry with a raised hand.

It was after he wrapped his story, and greeted Charlie, that he seemed to remember that he had something else in his pocket. “I couldn’t find the lilies you tended to send,” he started, pulling a bouquet of flowers dramatically from his pocket. “But the florist Devon recommended did find some I think you’ll like.” A pause, as he glanced around the otherwise bare room, looking for something.

“You wouldn’t happen to have a vase in your bag, would you?” he asked the room at large. Both Charlie and I shook our heads. Jacob seemed very interested in his bag, before shaking his head as well.

A quick flick of Jacob’s wand, and the cup of water next to the pastries transfigured into an intricately cut glass vase, the perfect size for the flowers. A quick aguamenti, and they took pride of place on the small bedside table.

It was a little while after that Henry excused himself, citing the need to make sure Devon didn’t overwork herself at the ministry. I raised a hand in farewell, feeling tired. Jacob pulled a book out, settling into the chair as I nodded off.

Things were looking up.

Henry belongs to @thatravenpuffwitch and Devon belongs to @kathrynalicemc​ . Cheers! 🍻

And I’m by no means a medical expert. Just going off of what limited experience I’ve had.

#series: the darkest year #Mid May 1998 #fic #aftermath

[hopefullyababe]

#okay im a sucker for dave and karkat enemys to friends and im imagining how it might happen in my highschool au

#so my thoughts are that they do not like eachother and theyre very grumpy and then prom or whatever dance for your sophomore year comes

Dave walks into class and TZ strikes up a conversation, Karkat overhears them talking about prom and automatically assumes they’re going to go together because TZ and DV have always had a good rapport but like then the day of the dance comes and Karkat finds out that TZ is with VK and dave is alone apparently? No matter how much he’s constantly ranting about being super cool n shit? 

#theyre sitting there against the wall w punch bc neither of them had anyone to go with and they also dont really like dances nd r b o r e d

Rose went with Kanaya, Terezi with Vriska, June with Jade, Feferi-Nepeta-Equius-Aradia-Sollux-Eridan multi date, Gamzee with Tavros, and that’s all of them accounted for, so they’re alone. Dave is drawing Karkat’s outfit when Karkat comes up to him and asks what he’s doing nervously and says he thought that Dave was going with Terezi, and weren’t they like a thing for a while? Dave says that no, they’ve always just been friends, and you look pretty cool, wanna chat?

#so they like. chat. and surprisingly they kinda get along. then daves like 'hey you wanna like. blow this place'

So they talk. They talk cinema, they talk drawings, they talk romance, they talk music. Eventually, Karkat’s actually having fun, so when Dave’s like, “you wanna blow this popsicle stand” he goes with it.

#nd karkats like 'YEAH WHY TF NOT' and probably makes a quip abt how if he was gonna get murdered itd be better than this shit

“HONESTLY, WHY THE FUCK NOT. IT’S NOT LIKE ANYONE HERE IS PAYING ATTENTION TO US ANYWAY, AND I DON’T HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO, SO IF I GO WITH YOU, AT LEAST I’M NOT GETTING MURDERED.” and so they get in the car - daves got like a tinier car and it’s filled with hoodies and snacks because. Like. bro cant get into his car if its locked. And karkat sees the mess and is like “ACTUALLY, NO, BEING MURDERED MIGHT BE BETTER THAN RIDING IN THIS SHIT EXCUSE FOR AN AUTOMOBILE.” and dave just laughs it off because who says automobile anymore? Karkat, that’s who.

#and okay so dave should probably actually be 16 bc im imagining him driving anyway so theyre on the road karkats like

#'WHERE TF ARE WE GOING' and daves like 'wanna go to dairy queen i work there i can get us a discount'

So they’re driving down the highway and dave notices an exit sign and turns, and karkat asks, WHERE IN THE FIERY HELL THAT IS THIS STATE ARE WE GOING and dave laughs and asks a bit nervous “ok so do you wanna get dairy queen i work there i can get us a discount

#nd karkats secretly like hell yes i love ice cream but hes like 'whatever' because he wants to seem cool and collected anyway

And so karkat just like leans back in his seat and inwardly he’s like immediately i know what i want but he just says “SURE, WHY NOT” but inwardly he’s super ecstatic that this person could just. Tell. that he likes that so much even though he doesn’t explicitly know. 

#they get to dairy queen. they get lots and lots of ice cream. they r stiff and awkward at first but like the night goes on nd they losen up

So they go to dairy queen and they take a corner booth with a terrible view, but the ice cream is really good and the workers keep bringing them free ice cream and making insinuations and dave blushes every time and laughs it off but karkat is like. Ok. what if that was true. Haha jk. Unless. 

#karkat says something and dave riffs of it and ends up making himself laugh really hard at it. karkat is like 'oh shit.

Karkat makes a joke about the government which starts Dave going on Obama which eventually turns into Dave just being like a stand up comedian and then laughing to himself about it and getting KK to smile for the first time all night and Karkat’s just like ok i actually kinda like dave. Like. not like that. But as a friend maybe? Yeah. Totally just as a friend.

#this douchbag is a person.' anyway comments insue like 'ive literally never seen you laugh before do it more often please' and then like

Dave is like, holy shit, I never knew you could be not annoying, guess ive gotta kidnap people and take them to dq more often huh, and then they joke for a while and dave goes silent. Karkat asks what it is and dave’s just like i’ve… never actually seen you smile before, it’s really sweet

#this parts a little blank but one of them probably kk suggests they like. go stargazing bc theres a really good park for that close 2 here

Eventually they get bored and start making up random designs in the little stains on the table, and Karkat is just like ok this is fun but wanna go somewhere with actual stars?

#nd they go stargazing and they make up shitty constellations together. turns out the sky is full of penises if you look hard enough.

So they go to this park that’s close to Karkat’s neighborhood and then they lay on the ground and count stars and make up the most random constellations, which eventually turns into dave just finding dicks in the sky. 

#the phalluses enrage karkat. but playfully

The dick jokes piss off karkat, but he’s gotta admit it’s not actual annoyance more like a playful hatred

#they r. friends now. they eventually have to go home but neither of their guardians really care how late they are.

They exchange pesterchums and when they do they see the time. It’s like twelve o clock. And dave is just like ok we should probably go home now, want me to drop you off? But karkat lives nearby so he waves off the offer but then dave insists on at least walking him to the door. Then dave goes home, and dirk gives him a questioning look but when he sees dave’s dorky smile he doesn’t ask, but rose does, so he and rose stay up all night swapping stories about their gay -ships. I think sometime in the middle karkat messages dave, and so they just like video call instead and karkat is like holy shit is that rose and realizes dave is her twin. And rose has apparently been friends with karkat for a while and dave is just like why didn’t you introduce me sooner???

#u can read it as a friendship or as the start to a romance. i was picturing the latter personally

The next month they talk a lot, text a lot, and then eventually dave realizes he has a crush on karkat and goes to rose for help, and rose tells him if he actually likes karkat he should just tell him, because *wink wink nudge nudge* im not going to reveal a friends secrets but it definitely wont ruin your relationship. So the next day dave asks karkat out to dairy queen, and there’s like this whole thing he’s got set up with his coworkers and they get free ice cream and then they go out to the park again. It’s like nine o clock so the stars are finally out and there’s not much light pollution. And karkat’s like what’s this for? And then dave asks him out and karkat’s like “oh hell yeah” and then they make out on a playground slide until like ten o clock.

my outline for the davekat au i found from you <3

OMGGGG

i love this omg!!!

#daphne gets asks #agraysexualmess #LOVE ALL THE DETAILS U ADDED #also the whole going from making shapes out of stains to being like 'hey this is basically stargazing. wanna do that instead?' is GENIUS #could not for the life of me figure out a way to bridge the gap there but thats so fucking good #i really like what u did with it thank u ;~; #long post #so fuckin excited to read the fic #this in itself was so fun to read