#AoT humor

[aruanimess]

when you're determined to get that twink

#aruani #annie leonhart #armin arlert #armin x annie #annie x armin #aot humor

[lenok993]

#snk #snk meme #aot #aot meme #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #my dilemma #ema #hajime isayama #isayama hajime #snk shitpost #aot shitpost #snk crack #snk crackpost #snk crack post #aot crack #aot crackpost #aot crack post #snk humor #aot humor #snk ending #aot ending #snk shitty ending

[harley-rose25]

The Armored Titan AOT

You think the Armored Titan is called so because of, you know, his literal armor; but, actually, it's because of his plot armor.

#genious isayama #The armored titan #snk #aot #AoT humor #attack on titan

[nuri148]

Interlude

Read in AO3

Mikasa stood, in uniform, before the small store room that had been designated as office, infirmary, and for keeping ‘important shit’, as per Captain Levi’s words. They had been hiding in an abandoned farm in the middle of nowhere for over ten days now, after barely escaping a swarm of titans (she’d had quite a few smashed ribs), letting Reiner, Berthold and Ymir get away, and becoming a political target of the MP First Interior Squad. 

She was glad Hange had arrived to the safehouse two days ago because, until then, the only officer with advanced first-aid knowledge and access to the full medical kit was their captain, and she’d rather jump into a titan’s mouth before telling him what was ailing her. 

The door was ajar, so she knocked. 

“Come in.” 

Shit, it was him.  

“I’m sorry, Captain,” she said, peering shyly inside. “I was looking for Squad Leader Hange.” 

The room was fairly square with sanded wood walls. Propped on the wall opposite the door there was a tiny, rackety table with two chairs, and sturdy shelves were built into the other two walls. A long squat window ran at the top of one of the walls, right beneath the rafters, letting enough light in so that there was no need for a lamp during daytime. 

“Seeking medical advice?” Captain Levi asked from his chair, a sly quality in his tone that set her on edge.  

“N—nevermind, captain. I will look for her,” she said into her scarf, then motioned to go. 

“Stop.” He left whatever paperwork he was doing and went to open the door for her. She had no option but to step inside. He tilted his head up and eyed her intently.  

“Do you think I’m stupid, Mikasa?” he scowled. She stood paralysed, eyes anywhere but the captain. He couldn’t possibly notice that, could he? “Did you think I wouldn’t see you last night, sitting all stiff trying not to wince, like you have a bad case of the piles?” 

Mikasa was now scared and confused. It surely couldn’t have shown, not when it didn’t hurt half as much as … Oh. 

“I told you to take it easy and not exercise too much, didn’t I?” 

Her broken ribs. She let out a long breath of relief. 

“I didn’t overtrain sir, I promise … I dozed off in an awkward position, that’s why I was aching.” The not training part was technically true. Captain Levi didn’t seem very convinced. “You may ask Eren and Armin. They wouldn’t let me.” That was also partly true. The captain clicked his tongue and went to unlock the big wooden box containing the medical kit. 

“I shouldn’t give you any more painkillers.” 

“That’s not why I came here, sir.” 

“Then what?” he grumbled, closing the box. 

“It’s nothing, really …” 

”It isn't nothing if you're here instead of having breakfast.” She opened her mouth to say something—not that he could see it with her scarf up to her eyes—but could not come up with a reply. He let out a sigh. “Is this a … girls’ thing? Is that why you asked for Hange?” 

Mikasa nodded, feeling the heat rise up her face. Captain Levi's voice was noticeably softer when he spoke again. 

“Take a seat, I'll fetch her.” She acquiesced. “Listen,” he added, “Mikasa Ackerman is my best soldier. And it pisses me off when someone mistreats my soldiers. I know how frustrated you feel right now, but you need to be patient. Understood?”  

“Yes, sir.” 

His usual tone returned as soon as he left the room. “Oi, shitty glasses! You're wanted in the office!” 

Squad Leader Hange Zoë came in a few moments later. 

“So, what seems to be the problem?” she said, after settling herself on the chair that Levi had been occupying minutes earlier. Mikasa faltered before speaking. 

“This conversation is private, right?” she asked. The stakes were too high for her.  

“Yes, Mikasa, everything we discuss here is strictly confidential,” Hange assured her, calm and collected. Mikasa seemed to relax a bit and fixed her scarf so that her nose and mouth were again visible. 

“I need the morning after fix.” 

Hange tried hard to keep a straight face.  

“Alright,” she said higher than her normal tone, rummaging a folder for the correct protocol. “I will need to ask you some questions. These are not meant to pry but simply to make sure the medicine will be both safe and effective. Is that alright?” 

“I guess,” Mikasa said, meekly. This was the part she was dreading. She told herself that she could withstand sharing any technical details, as long as she wasn’t asked names.  

Hange read from the chart she had pulled out.  

“Have you engaged in unprotected vaginal intercourse within the last 72 hours?” 

Mikasa nodded. 

“More than 72 hours ago?” 

Mikasa shook her head, and a knot formed in her stomach as she saw Hange make a pause, realising she must be doing the math. And in the last ten days, not three, there had been no one around but Squad Levi and, occasionally, Hange's 4th Squad. It was clear as day that the sacrosanct policy of the Survey Corps, by which fraternization was strictly forbidden and severely punished, had been breached. 

“Are you currently using another contraceptive method and if so which?” Hange read all in one go.  

“No! I mean, I had never …”  

“Good!” the woman said, with a forced smile that was more creepy than jolly. “Then you can have the fix.” She got up to fetch a small paper pouch from the medical kit box and pour a glass of water, both of which she placed in front of Mikasa. “You’re supposed to dissolve the powder and drink it, but I suggest you empty the pouch directly in your mouth and down it with the water, that thing tastes awful.” 

Mikasa’s eyes went big. She had taken it? Hange stared back at her. 

“What?” she said, looking a bit offended. “Condoms have a nasty tendency to break.”  

It had been a childish reaction. The eccentric officer was like, what, 30? Of course she was bound to have done things. Mikasa said nothing, but took the drug the way Hange had recommended, her grimace of disgust easing up with every gulp of water.  

“Of course, the fix is an emergency method,” Hange said, “so, you know, if what brought you here today should be the … start of something more … recurrent,—the air of cheerfulness she had been displaying was quickly mutating to uneasiness—”I would strongly recommend you consider taking contraceptive injections. It’s one shot every two months, and extremely effective.”  

Recurrent? As in … doing it again? Mikasa instinctively clenched her legs at the memory of the previous afternoon. The kisses. The touching. His breath against her skin as he filled her completely. Damn, wouldn’t that be sweet.  

“Thanks, Squad Leader. I’ll think about it.” 

Hange then proceeded to read the possible side effects and reminded her that the fix did not protect from venereal disease. She wasn’t smiling. Mikasa acknowledged the recommendations, while inside was bracing herself for the worst. That was it, now she was screwed. But she wouldn’t name names, no sir, she’d let all her fingernails be ripped, like Pastor Nick had, before she got her friend (if they still were that) in trouble as well.  

“Look, Mikasa,” Hange finally said, putting a concerned hand over hers. “Your sex life is none of my business. But as your commanding officer, acting medical advisor, and as a fellow woman, I do care about your wellbeing.” 

The girl worth a hundred soldiers hesitated. Wasn’t she supposed to be court-martialled or something? “I … Thank you?” 

“My point is, you are so very young. I take it from your previous answers that this was your first such encounter?” A flustered and bewildered Mikasa answered in the affirmative. “I just want you to know that if you, at any point, felt in any way pressured, or obliged, or coerced into doing any of it …” 

Mikasa sat upright on the chair.  

“No! It was nothing like that. We … I …” Her apprehension was interfered by a warm feeling in her chest; She had heard horror or just sad stories about abused girls since before joining the military, even before her days as a refugee; ever since she’d gone to live with the Yeagers and had come in contact with the real world. It touched her that the same woman who was supposed to report her was making sure she was ok. She recalled his novice hands caressing her softly, his initial shyness when he felt the tent in his trousers make contact with her body, his double checking that she did indeed want him, the tiny kisses they’d shared afterwards … She couldn’t help but smile with misty eyes as she coyly added, “It was amazing”. It felt good to say it. 

Hange’s expression softened into a rapt smile.  

“Good. That’s how it always should be.” She turned to her papers and took another folder, shuffled the file cards inside, took one out with Mikasa’s name on it and started adding something to the list of dates and codes that were already written on the cardboard. “Is that all? Are your bones healing alright? Cold?” she said, pointing at the red scarf.  

“Hickey,” Mikasa admitted. The older woman pressed her lips together, her head bobbing in a been-there-done-that fashion. 

“You can rub some of the same salve you’re using for your ribs, it should help dissolve the hematoma.” She said, and scribbled away. 

Mikasa watched her, utterly perplexed.  

“Am I in trouble?” 

Hange eyed her over her glasses.  

“No one gets in trouble for having a killer PMS.” 

“What?” 

“That’s what the chart says that you came in here for today,” she said, showing the card she had been writing on. “Contraceptives can be helpful for regulating your cycle and keeping related disorders at bay.” 

“So … I’m good to go?” Mikasa probed, still incredulous.  

“You’d better, if you still want to catch some breakfast,” Hange said. “I know I could do with some. We have a busy day ahead of us.” 

Mikasa left the office in a state between shock and elation. She went to sit on the one free chair at the table, next to Eren. Everyone was almost done with breakfast, so she hurried to pick the last remnants of butter before they had to clear the tables.  

“Where were you?” Armin asked casually. He was seating on Eren’s other side. 

“Infirmary.” She didn’t bother to look up as she worked to extend the miserly dollop of butter as far up the slice of rye bread as it would go.  

“Told ya,” Sasha said, gesturing towards Eren and Armin with her own overly buttered piece of toast. Eren turned to Mikasa. 

“Are you sick?” 

“Just a sore throat,” she replied with a full mouth, pointing at her scarf.  

“Is it … very sore?” Armin asked. 

“You don’t sound hoarse,” Jean said. 

“You look one though,” Eren snapped back. They glared at each other; Mikasa answered before things escalated. 

“No, it’s pretty good now. In any case, Hange gave me some medicine to make sure I won’t get … any long-term aftereffects.”  

Sasha choked. The timing was not lost on Mikasa; it was Sasha that had warned her of her hickey. Luckily, such displays were usual enough for Potato Girl that no one else gave it a second thought. Connie patted her back. 

“Aftereffects from … a sore throat?” he wondered. 

“Or something like that, you know how she rambles.” 

“So you’ll be ok,” Armin said.  

“Yes,” Mikasa said. “you have nothing to worry about.” 

“She’s right, you know,” Eren told him. “You do worry a lot.” 

“That’s me,” Armin shrugged. 

Their little chat was interrupted by Captain Levi who told them to wrap up and get ready for the day’s activities. They all scrambled to bring the dishes to the sink and get to their tasks. 

“She offered me the shot,” Mikasa muttered towards Armin as they stepped outside in full gear. His face stayed neutral, but he quietly took a deep breath. 

“Are you going to take it?”  

“Take what?” Eren interloped, coming from behind them. He placed an arm on each of his friends’ shoulders. 

“Vitamin shots,” Mikasa said. “For ladies’ issues.”  

“You don’t need any vitamins, you’re strong as an ox.” 

Mikasa gave him a warm smile.  

“Maybe I want to take them.” 

Eren chuckled and released himself from the double half-embrace, as Hange was signalling from the road for him to join her. He turned his head back for a moment. 

“A hundred soldiers’s not enough, huh?” he teased, walking away. “My, you’re insatiable!”  

Mikasa stood wide-eyed. Armin looked at her sideways.  

“We can’t afford to blush, remember?” he piped. 

“Or to giggle,” she retorted. 

Without another word, they hurried towards the stables to get their horses. As they were going in, Captain Levi looked straight at Mikasa.  

“Can you ride or are you still sore?” he asked, finger pointing. “Eh …? The hell are you two laughing about?” 

#aot fanfiction #aot #shingeki no kyojin #mikasa ackerman #levi ackerman #hange zoë #female hange #hanji zoe #female hanji #armin arlert #aot humor #levi and hange parenting the 104 #how the f does one insert a read more break in android

[chrollohearttags]

(dash)ing through the snow • e. jaeger

synopsis: not even the holidays can give you peace from your favorite headache of a DoorDash driver but honestly, you wouldn’t want it any other way!

content + themes: fem!reader (black coded), food play, lots of fluff and humor, bits of angst, heavy kissing, thigh riding, nipple play, alcohol mentions, handjob, riding, drunk sex, sub eren (he moans a lot), calls reader mama and baby, creampie

word count: 5.7K

📝: hope everybody enjoyed their holidays, whether you’re celebrated alone, with family, friends or fur babies. Or maybe not even at all..either way, I hope y’all are taking care of yourselves for the rest of the year. 🫶🏾🤍 this IS coming a day late cause mama’s got chronic pain + illness and when it hits, it’s like a truck so I was been out since 10PM yesterday on pain meds with a fever too so I’m posting now. Hopefully the Christmas spirit hasn’t left yet. I’m sorry I got y’all hopes up for it yesterday! 😭

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰───────✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰────

The holidays..a time that by all accounts should invoke cheer and joy into the hearts of everyone. An occasion for celebration, love and laughter. Being surrounded by those you cherished dearly, enjoying the food, gifts and just the warmth that Christmas brought forth. However, that wasn’t the case for everyone, including (y/n) (l/n), who would be spending their day alone for the second year in a row. All but deduced to living on your own, you had only spoken to your roommate via FaceTime, where she explained that she’d be staying behind to help out the family business over the busy holiday rush and your own relatives, two states away despite not being particularly close to any of them. It still would’ve been nice to have someone around to share the day with. Growing up, Christmas was a staple in your household and it was by far, your favorite time of the year. Decorating the tree and wrapping gifts, making delicious food and even baking cookies for Santa. Now it seemed that the whimsical, childhood spark had all but dwindled..a sham of a holiday that you didn’t care for anymore..however, if your favorite nuisance had anything at all to do with it and if you knew him, you wouldn’t be left by your lonesome for too long!

“I’m so sorry, (y/n)! I thought I’d be back in time but they still need me. I swear I’ll make it up to you..”

“It’s fine, boo! Don’t worry about me..be with your folks and enjoy yourself, okay? I’m fine, trust me.” Which helped quell your best friend and roommate’s unease a little. As of late, you seemed to be in much better spirits. Genuinely smiling as opposed to the fake one you were obviously forcing. You hadn’t exactly divulged the secret to her about you and your little rendezvous with the delivery driver. Out of fear of embarrassment or the sheer fact that the two of them didn't exactly get along. Not only did they go to high school together but she used to straight kick his ass in any sport he even dared to try. Although beautiful and girly at times, she had quite the tomboy side to her. She’d first learned of his identity, the annoying DoorDasher who kept magically ending up with your orders, when she came back around Halloween. He was in for a rude awakening when the five foot eight girl with tattoos and short hair answered the door. Knowing damn well she was the last one to try with his bullshit antics!

“If you want to keep your job and your legs, you’ll hand me that bag and get your ass out of here.” A threat that was certain to come to fruition messing with her. It was the only time you’d gotten peace. Of course, the second she boarded that flight, he was talking cold hard shit! “Man, ain’t nobody scared of her. She ain’t gone’ do nothing to me..” still, it didn’t deter him from keeping away from his favorite customer and new boo. Especially because he knew that although you had told your friend that you were just fine..you were probably sulking on the couch. The feeling of loneliness setting in..and the realization that you were about to spend another holiday by yourself. That was unless he came and saved the day..it wasn’t a full five minutes after the conclusion of your call before you’d be greeted by a faint knock at the door. Followed by that of a text..

“I should’ve known..”

you’d peer down at your phone screen, illuminated with the notification and the time; ten thirty pm. Considered late by any other standards but the perfect hour for the antics you were certain was about to ensue. Having brought some liquor and eggnog earlier in the day when you finally had some free time for the holidays. Having some much needed time off. It felt good to not have to depend on someone else to deliver your items. But alas, you wouldn’t be scot free of the man who had all but flipped your mundane life upside down in these past eight months. Making these humdrum days far more exciting, whether you wanted to admit so or not. The ever so lively Eren Jaeger..your doordasher and as of late, newest fling. After what was set to be a wonderful outing with a Tinder date, you were unfortunately stood up and left with only regret and disappointment. However, rather than annoying you with his usual nonsense, he showed a much different side. One that was far more mature and nurturing than what had been previously displayed. As fate would have it, you’d find yourselves trapped inside due to a nasty rainstorm. And before the night’s end..not only were you over the betrayal by the potential date but thanks to Eren, you were also left feeling highly satisfied; courtesy of the several orgasms he invoked out of you that night! From the kitchen counter where he jolted you around on his fingers, slowly kissing and reminding you just how beautiful you were to making love underneath the sounds of pouring rain in your bedroom..a space delegated solely for yourself. Nibbling at your ear and giving you slow backshots as he pressed you flat to the mattress. You couldn’t get enough of one another and needless to say, it caused quite the shift in your once rocky dynamic. A shift that elicited more late night visits and constant texting afterwards. It made you realize that you truly hadn’t seen all of the layers of this once irritating guy who seemed to have been showing up on your step more frequently as of late. Shuffling over to the door, you’d stand to your tiptoes, peering from the small opening meant to screen guests before allowing them in.

“You gon’ let me in or I gotta stand out in the cold all night?”

“That depends. Do you have what I need?”

and of course, he would never be so foolish as to show up empty handed. Not when he was determined to woo the lady who had all but encompassed his psyche. Since the inception of your illustrious little, makeshift love affair, Eren had all but become infatuated. He was already smitten to begin with…loving the fact that you were so quick witted and matched his antics with a no nonsense attitude. Snapping at him when truthfully, you just needed someone to get rid of that stress. Regardless, you wouldn’t be worn down so easily!..if he truly wanted to pursue something with you outside of a customer-driver relationship, then he’d have to work hard to persuade you that he was worth the trouble. It was going to take more than some dick and sweet nothings to knock you off your game. For a moment, he fell silent. You figured he was back to his old antics.

“Baby, I always got what you need. All you have to do is ask. Besides, I’m not risking you whooping my ass because I forgot something.”

with that rather typical response, you’d unbolt the locks and allow him entry. “You are so aggravating.” But before he stepped over the threshold, you’d find his arm snaked around the small of your exposed back, due to the cropped tank top you were sporting and quickly tugged into an entrancing kiss. One that almost swept you from your feet. Even grasping a healthy portion of your asscheck amid the moment. You could tell that he was the type to not only capture a girl’s body but her mind and spirit as well. Despite not trusting him fully, you couldn’t pull away nor did you want to stop seeing him. Once again using the guise of needing a late night meal, you’d summon your faithful driver forth and he’d come bearing gifts. A bag filled with all sorts of delectable treats..ranging from strawberries, chocolate dip, whipped cream, ice cream and of course more of that spiced rum you both loved so much. On his shoulder, he brandished a black duffle; affectionately coined his ‘spinnanight bag’! Needless to say, he had no plans to leave for the time being and all of his devotion was on you.

“Like you’d actually be able to live without me.”

“Mmm..well I guess things would get boring without you around to get on my nerves, huh?”

flashing him a toothy beam, he’d scale your hips with gentle hands for a moment with a similar expression on his handsome face. That was the thing about Eren..despite his crass personality, he handled you with the utmost care. Something you weren’t used to…

“C’mon now, that’s my job..what I do best..” invoking chuckles from the both of you. By this time he had closed the door, securing it behind you both. Followed by the offering of a seat as you formally invited him inside of your home. “Yeah, well I paid you to bring my stuff so hopefully you got it right.” It was rather plain to see that he no longer considered himself a stranger in your life, accepting the warm invitation with open arms and acclimating himself into your space. He’d carefully observed it during the last two visits, but he truly couldn’t fathom how beautiful your apartment was. Clean, organized and so well coordinated despite the bright aesthetic with a mix of lavenders and pinks. Plants swaying and a humidifier steaming gently in the corner to help them keep warmth in the winter. The whole vibe seemed to suit you..

“Give me some credit now. I’m a professional, I don’t make mistakes..”

it was then that Eren would become interrupted in his tracks when he’d peer down at your coffee table..spotting the preset shot glasses before him. Faintly smirking to himself because it was fairly easy to see the type of time you were on!..things truly would never be the same between the two of you now..whilst you shuffled around in the kitchen, preparing some snacks, he’d begin making himself quite comfortable. Kicking off his shoes, pulling off his hoodie and and propping his feet up as if he belonged here. Your roommate would have a conniption if she saw that. He carefully observed the rest of the surroundings, including the adorable tree that you had so meticulously decorated. Lined with garland, glistening with ornaments and illuminated with bright lights..it was beautiful! He’d never seen one so carefully decorated since his own mom.

“What’s up with this tree?”

causing you to glance up, meeting his snarky expression as you chopped up some fruit. “Not too much on my tree, she’s cute. I worked hard on it.” Which only further brought him to hysterics because the thought of someone like you..someone as angry and uptight loving Christmas this much, so much so that between your already beautiful interior were gaudy decorations of snowmen and Santa. Little reindeer figurines strewn throughout the apartment..it was rather adorable, this side of you. He hoped to see it far more often. Chuckling to himself, Eren couldn’t help but to snicker at your reaction but it was purely from a wholesome perspective, not to make fun of you.

“Nah, you did a good job on it. On all of it actually.. aye, I’m even a lil’ jealous. I can’t get those dumbasses I live with to clean up sometimes, less known get a tree set up. At least somebody’s in the holiday spirit.”

he wasn’t lying either. Truth was, he too loved the holidays growing up and as he got older, Eren came to realize that many of his peers didn’t share the same sentiment. Many saw it as childish or just downright unnecessary at this age. Rather, they spent their holidays getting high and drinking, partying the nights away. It was fine to an extent but he missed the whimsical joy that this time of year brought forth. It was nice to see..

“Well I’m glad you think so. Not too bad to say I did it myself..my roommate’s been a lil’ salty with me because I put it up without her. But a Christmas tree being in my living room while trick or treaters were knocking would be insane.” To which he was inclined to agree. Although the uttering of your aforementioned roommate caused him to visibly shudder. “So, where is the she-devil? Still riding her broomstick through hell?” You had to catch yourself from laughing, not because he was poking fun at your best friend but because she put him in a headlock in the middle of the parking lot and Eren couldn’t escape. You were so hysterical, your sides hurt from laughter after she was finished. And at the time, you were so frustrated with him and his bullshit, it felt like some sort of penance for all the aggravation you had to endure. “Unt uh..I know you’re not still mad. Not when you ate half my burrito and then tried to play me in a game of rock, paper, scissors for my drink.” Reminding him of why the altercation started in the first place. “As hungry as I was that night too, yeah, you lucky a headlock was all you caught.” Swinging your knife with animated expressions as you chuckled. Naturally, he had no response whatsoever and truth be told, he couldn’t be mad that two pretty girls had bested him!

“I think you set me up, that’s what I think. But it’s all good..you wanna know why?” picking through the assortment of snacks that you had already set out with a smug grin on his face. Knowing that he was about to have you all to himself and there was nothing she could say. In truth, he felt as if he had the last laugh! Finishing up your assortment of delectables, you’d shuffle over; setting them down and then taking a seat next to him shortly thereafter. “Why’s that? Tell me..” “Because..” not even a full second before you acclimated on to the couch, you’d find your head tilted upright with his fingers underneath your chin. “I got what I wanted. I get to be with you. So I’d say I won.” Just barely grazing your lips together before you’d halt him with a gentle hand to the chest. It wasn’t for a lack of you feeling the same way about him and it certainly didn’t help matters any for you two to be sexually involved now but you were also apprehensive. What if this entire pursuit was some sick conquest for him? Proof that he could wear down the harrowing Ice Queen of Apartment Two Eighty Four. Maybe it was all a part of a bet he had made with friends that he could bag you..perhaps it was something he did all the time.

“That’s how you feel, huh?”

“I don’t think I can make it any clearer, mama. I mean, I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else right now..”

even so, you couldn’t let your fears hold you back from happiness! You can’t recall the last time you’d smile so much. Being around him brought forth a sense of peace that seemed unattainable. And now, here you were spending Christmas Eve with a man, who by all accounts was your sworn enemy almost a year ago. Now things were starkly different and you’d never look back. Either way it went..

“Well in that case, why don’t we get us some drinks?” “Now you talking. Besides, I know you don’t play about your food, so I brought plenty.” Earning him a snarky side eye in the process. He was still that same asshole he always was, it just now seemed far more charming! “Oh, so you got jokes? I’ll remember that.” “I crack myself up from time to time. Hey, what’s that?” And the instant you turned your head, searching for the imaginary object, shifting when you realized nothing was there..you’d find yourself entrapped in a kiss as he had craftily snuck something from his pocket. A tiny mistletoe he had been saving for the perfect moment. Dangling above your heads as he shoved his tongue into your mouth. His touch warmed you to your core..it felt so nice..

“Y’know, I’ve always wanted to do that. Definitely worth the wait..” immediately, you’d find yourself flustered and unable to gather your thoughts for a moment. You’d never been kissed like that, not once in your life. “You’re so corny.” Faltering into a snicker but immediately feigning with a light touch to his cheek. “But it’s cute. So I’ll let you slide.” With that declaration, the small scale festivities would commence and you two began what would become a night forever ingrained in your memories.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

an hour or so passed by, with you both indulging in all of the delicious treats he had brought over, including chocolate dipped strawberries that he’d swirl around before sticking between your lips and watching you on. Eventually taking a bite. Allowing him to lick the drinks from your collarbone with a trail of kisses that obviously turned you on. Sucking whipped cream from his fingers and vice versa..there was something rather sensual about all of it. Along with the whipped shots you took in conjunction with the several glasses of liquor..which hadn’t left either of you inebriated yet but you were slowly beginning to feel a bit of a buzz. Which in turn, had you both fawning over one another..lofi holiday tunes faintly hummed from the mounted television as the faux fireplace underneath from your mantle. You guys didn’t just engage in lecherous activity, you chatted it up quite a bit. Reminiscing on prior Christmases. Talking about life and your daily routines..it was really nice to have someone listen to you rant about the mundane. Brandishing your wine glass whilst your feet remained propped in his lap, you’d propose a rather invasive but necessary question.

“So, lemme ask you something..why did you want to spend Christmas Even with me? Of all people? And no, to fuck is not an acceptable answer.” “Well excuse me, but I think a little piece of pussy isn’t a bad gift at all. It’s quite thoughtful.” Prompting you to roll your eyes. He couldn’t be serious for once in his life and that much was certain.

“Can you not turn everything into a joke?..I was actually hoping I’d get to know you a little..what about your family?”

heeding that strict fervor in your voice that wouldn’t disappear anytime soon. With those tanned cheeks flush with red, a bit intoxicated from the Barcardi coursing his veins, as always..Eren flashed that coy smile, leaning his head back on the couch as he began to respond to your question.

“Truth is..my folks are in Germany right now. It’s where my dad’s from originally. He’s a first generation immigrant actually. He got offered a job working for their medical association and because both of his kids are grown as hell, he and my mom packed when I was nineteen. Been doing my own thing ever since. Honestly..I was before that. Skipping school, acting out..I was an asshole to them. Maybe it’s why they decided to leave me behind in the first place. They finally can get some peace. I don’t blame them though. It does make me miss them, especially this time of year. Makes you appreciate what you have when it’s not there. My mom’s cooking, seeing them open up gifts—“

just then, he’d find himself halted in his tracks and Eren would glance over, seeing that the expression on your face had shifted significantly. “My bad, guess I got carried away.” But in fact, you were happy that he had disclosed this to you. He was opening up and you were gaining a newfound respect. “Not at all..that’s really sweet, Eren. Sounds like they really mean a lot to you..” tracing a finger along the rim of your glass, peering down with a tinge of sadness. A hard lump forming in your throat that despite his ever vivacious smile, you could sense that it was a sensitive topic. Not only that, it made you think about your own family dynamic. Of course, he’d have to ask and get your dirt as well. That’s when you’d confide in him that you were twice as bad. Rather than delinquency, you threw yourself into studying..attending classes and eventually working full time. Desperate to make it out of your small town and into higher living. It was that same determination that drove you away from your family. Missing birthdays, holidays and important events, all for a job that didn’t give a damn about you and school work that could wait. After a while, they just sort of disowned you and didn’t bother inviting you at all.

“Damn, sounds like we’re both awful kids, huh?” Which could only be met with laughter because it was the truth. The hardest truth you’ve had to swallow in a long time. As quiet as it was kept, you were both one in the same. Two lonely people, lost souls yearning for comfort in someone else. His ‘friends’ were always doing their own things so he was by himself by the time he made it home. And even when they were around, he felt out of place. The girls he met were superficial and he had no interest in meaningless hookups anymore. Only difference was you coped with anger and he coped by being silly. Unfortunately, you’d end up in similar fates.

“Well, you’re not wrong..listen, Eren. I’m sorry I judged you. You just always seemed so….” “Arrogant? Carefree? Like I didn’t give a fuck about life?” All sentiments you’d be inclined to agree with. But there was a reason for it. “I wouldn’t say it was wrong. I always did have a way of getting under people’s skin and for a while, I didn’t care. But honestly, I just have fun. Doing something to keep a smile on mine and other people’s faces. Even if it does come off as irritating. Otherwise, I’d be walking around mad at the world..” “..like me, huh?” Something he hated to admit out of fear of offending you. But alas, he was right. “But it suits you. The whole ‘mean on the outside, soft on the inside’ thing is kinda cute. Deep down, I can tell you’re really a sweet girl. I guess what I’m tryna’ say is…I.really like being around you. And not just for your body. You make me happy, (y/n).”

with that declaration, you’d find yourself flush with a plethora of emotions. Tears brimming in your eyes; only mere seconds from falling. Crying because no one had ever spoken to you in such a way. So delicately and kindly. He had a way of seeing through what was nothing more than a surface level facade to protect yourself from getting hurt. Eren knew that all too well. But it was when he smiled at you..when he flashed that pearly white beam at you and leaned closer, cradling the back of your neck with such security and dominance, you wanted to melt right in his grasp. But you were also guarded. Steadfast in not wanting to let another person in only to be let down in the end. Even so, you’d take that leap and let the cards fall where they may.

“You make me really happy too, Eren..” moments later, without a single other phrase uttered, your lips would meet with a gentle crash. Both of your kids shut as you reveled in the long awaited moment. It felt like this every time with him. This invigorating, fiery spark that refused to die. Your tongues twirled around one another in a haze of sloppy pecks..lips lapping over the other and minute strings of saliva being exchanged in the midst. He couldn’t get enough..of your flavor, your essence..any of it. Shortly thereafter, your limbs would become tangled and you’d find yourself shifting onto his lap whilst he pulled you up. It was there that your hands absentmindedly roamed each other’s bodies. Scouring your frames to peel and quite frankly, tear off the binding articles of clothing. Only leaving your tank top on because he loved the way your breasts spilled from it. For the entire duration that you were being stripped down, your lips barely retracted and the heavy make out session only intensified with faint groans. Heavy whimpers even arising sporadically. Finally free of those confines, he’d plant heavy smacks and firm grasps on your ass whilst you straddled his still clothed crotch. As for his top half, you’d be met with chiseled muscles and a few tattoos sprinkled across his chest and torso. In addition to the plethora riddling his toned arms. Chewing at your lower lip, you’d break into a faint smile, admiring his body. Taking the time to delicately trace your fingertips along the outline of his pieces before running your hands to the back of his head. You’d feel his hand snaking around to grope your breasts but shortly after, he was halted when you gently clutched his wrist.

“Can I take care of you tonight?...you’ve already been so good to me..”

mouthing the phrase with a delicate and slightly higher pitched tone. Almost as to appear seductive but not in an obnoxious way..naturally, it worked and Eren would soon be left stumbling all over himself. “Would you like that?” Quivering when you’d trace your tongue around his earlobe, placing kisses on his neck right after. “Y-yeah, I would..do whatever you want to me, baby..” with his explicit consent, you were free to please him in anyway you saw fit. Rolling your hips around, lifting them by an inch to shuffle his pants down his legs. You would maneuver your own lower half so that you were now seated on his thigh. Left with only your thin panties, you’d massage that clothed slit and mound against his skin. Causing gentle friction and heavy arousal. There was something so sexy about using his thigh to get off..the sensation of your wet folds rubbing against his bare skin. Tossing his head back once more, you’d hear a breathy yet quick ‘fuck’ out of earshot. A sign that he was enjoying this just as much as you were. “That feel good?” Earning you more whimpers, which only further drove you to tease him more. You’d peer down and notice that his cock was twitching, jumping on its lonesome..twirling those nimble fingers around his shaft, (y/n) pumped it gently within your palm; slicking him up with strings of precum and saliva. It was blatantly obvious that he was becoming aroused, seeping all over your knuckles. You could even feel his leg underneath you thumping as that swollen bud continued to graze it. Your juices trailing down his flesh and between that and the subtle thrusting through your hand, he was about to lose his mind!

“Get on t—-ahhh..shit!”

that swollen mushroom tip emitting a bright red and oozing with the creamy substance as your movements sped up. Eren rested his hands against your hips, subtly guiding you along but you needed no assistance. You’d rotate your hips in a slow circular motion; grinding to bring yourself closer to a climatic peak as well. Neither one of you would be able to withstand this mounting pressure for much longer so amid toying with him, you’d question once more what it was he wanted. You wanted to hear explicitly what he wanted from you. Just the same as he did when you were feeling down. Not just pleasing him physically but healing his heart as well. Neither of you were lonely anymore..

“What was that? Tell me what you want, baby? Want me to fuck you?” Nearly babying him with that gentle voice, palm brushing against his face and that slow pace. He’d never been taken care of like this and needless to say, he couldn’t get enough! But you too were enjoying being in control; having that subtle dominance over him and being responsible for his orgasm..it was so hot. “(Y/N)…oh my God..” however, that just wouldn’t do..you wanted to hear his words, his explicit permission of how to proceed. Clutching his chin, you’d snatch it downward so that your faces could meet. “Look at me..say it. Tell me you want me to fuck you.” Although he was in by far the most vulnerable state he had ever been in, Eren was enjoying this so much more than you could ever imagine! That chiseled rising and falling with labored breaths. He couldn’t hold out, he had to have you!…

“Fuck me..please, ride this dick, baby.” Giving you the proverbial green light to take him as you saw fit. Shifting in a matter of moments, you’d propel yourself up and glide over to his lap; aligning yourself with his cock with a grasp on his shaft before slowly lowering yourself down on it. The initial sensation and slight ‘pop’ of entering your tightness caused both of you to release loud cries. Especially when you begin to bounce up and down..grazing his pecs and admiring that incredible body as you rode him with a moderate pace. The collision on that heavy ass against his pelvis, in combination with the open palm slaps to those round cheeks; the sounds of smacking resounding throughout the apartment along with his pathetic moans, that only further fueled your desire. At this point, you weren’t sure who was enjoying it more. A smile plastered on both of your lips and each set of your hands scouring the others frames. He’d even burst into a quivering chuckle. “Ohhh, my fucking gosh. This is the best fucking In the midst of that cunt clutching him, he’d make the haste decision to tug down your shirt..groping your breasts and alternating between each one to flick his tongue around those stiffened nipples. He was determined to ravage you, enjoy his fill while he was here.

“Just like that, mama..that pussy feels so fucking good. Keep going..”

soon, you’d plant your feet firmly into the mattress and amp up your movements. Showing him that a lot more lies in your repertoire. With your hands planted to his shoulder blades, you’d reacclimate and toss your head back in the midst of propelling yourself on that thick member. Stretching out that tight core and kissing the inner core of your cervix. “This dick is so fucking good..” Each thrusts touching your sensitive spot..meanwhile, Eren would enjoy the showcase that was your perky breasts bouncing with each movement. “Give it to me!..shit!” “Take it. Take this fucking dick..ohhh fuck!” His vocal pleas increase your stamina yet again and just when he thought you’d be fairly close, you’d surprise him. You’d even look back with your tongue gliding over your lips as it dangled from your mouth from being worked over. Eren was no different and with that pearlescent substance leaking down his shaft and wetness coating him, he was forced to clutch the couch’s arm as an attempt to quell his urge to release. “You gonna give me that nut, baby? You told me you’d always give me what I need..” with one more gentle graze underneath that chin, you’d bring him back to reality; only pausing momentarily to glare into his eyes. “You promise?” It truly shocked him how captivating you were and how well you commanded him. “Ye-yeah! I promise. I’ll do whatever you want..please! Just let me c-ahh!” Loud wails arising from his throat as he trembled in pre ecstasy bliss; something that felt so close yet foreign at the moment. But fortunately, you wouldn’t make him wait much longer.

“Then come for me..I’ll let you nut in it, baby..”

those words seemed to have invoked a feral energy in him and in turn, caused him to tighten his grasp on you whilst he fucked up into that dripping cunt until he emptied the sought after load into you. Letting out loud cries with tears streaming down his face because no woman had ever made him experience euphoria in such a way..it was no wonder you had him twirled around your finger. “FUCK! So good…you made me feel so good..” Filling you up with every drop from those round balls that had been slapping against your backside. Simultaneously, your own climax would come trickling down his rather sensitive member. “Good boy..I’m so glad I did. C’mere.” Rewarding him with a barrage of sloppy and passionate kisses. Kisses, touches and sensations he wouldn’t forget for a long time, if ever!

“I’m so happy I’m here with you. Merry Christmas..” his faint smile and tired glare were the only thing you could see and right there on that sofa, you’d cradle one another close. Topping his forehead with a smooch before nestling your face into his neck..obvious that neither of you wanted to let go..

“Merry Christmas, Eren. My love.”

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

@buddhas-bunny @violetxxvenom @miyaluvvsyou @nieceeee @mochiviewz @momobaby227 @hoesluvshanti @spaceforher @lammys-thinking @thickbihhwitdagapp @jamaicanqueenaa @simplycmr @caramelswirlwithacherryontop @themidknightguardian @invisible-888 @hyunip @prettypixigrl

#cherry’s works ✦⭒ #aot x black reader #black fem reader #black reader #eren x black fem!reader #aot au #black reader smut #black fanfiction #eren jaeger #eren jaeger x black reader #doordasher!eren #eren x black reader #eren x black y/n #attack on titan #attack on titan au #eren yeager #aot smut #eren smut #humor #smut #aot eren #snk smut #eren drabble #eren fic #aot fic #cw smut #cw food #cw breeding #snk drabble #snk eren

[troythecatfish]

#attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #eren yeager #eren jaeger #attack on titan memes #aot memes #anime memes #anime meme otaku #animemes #anime humor #anime shitpost #manga meme #meme #memes #tumblr memes #humor #humour #shitpost #dank memes #dank humor #memesdaily #meme humor #lol #lol memes #funny memes #funny #funny shit #ha ha funny #funny meme haha

[jliolit]

#fanart #artists on tumblr #art #aot #attack on titan #snk #shingeki no kyojin #eruri #erwin smith #levi ackerman #hange zoe #humor

[roseofdarknessblog]

Look, today I found out that Marco and Bert run an Italian paint shop together! 😂

#my stupid sense of humor I know #attack on titan #bertholdt hoover #marco bodt #aot funny

[daynada]

JJK/AOT Characters and Their S/O that Likes to Bite Their Face

[Content Warnings]: Crack, a stupid mentioning of the eyeball licking trend back in the day, grammatical errors

JUJUTSU KAISEN

Itadori Yuuji: Confused puppy. Now occasionally leans in with his cheek for you to nibble on. He doesn’t even ask about what or why you do this. But he knows it makes you happy :)

Fushiguro Megumi: A mix of done and why??? And as much as he complains about you doing it, he doesn’t stop you. Mans just froze in time - that is how confused he is. ‘Maybe this is their way of affection??? If that’s the case, I’d rather not be affectionate…’

Kugisaki Nobara: Looks at you for less than a second and immediately bites you back. So much harder. “What? You did it first!! You’re such a crybaby, baby.” Will apologize (stubbornly) by she smooshing her face with your yours.

Gojo Satoru: MAKES DOMESTIC PET NOISES AND LICKS YOUR FACE JUST FOR LAUGHS TO PISS YOU OFF EEWW

Nanami Kento: “Did Gojo set you up to this?” Just kinda looks at you wondering what went wrong? Why are you biting his nose? But just to mess with you, he’ll sink his teeth in your neck to get you to knock it off, if you know any better…

ATTACK ON TITAN/SHINGENKI NO KYOUJIN

Eren Jeager: He hates it but he loves annoying you so he bites your face hard enough to leave teeth marks… “Babe why are you mad isn’t this our usual mate ritual?”

Armin Arlet: Laughs nervously, like aw my s/o really likes me. Starts to wonder if you want him to do the same. Nibbles on your cheek once and checks your reaction to see if that had pleased you.

Jean Kirstein: He hates it but he loves you. So, as a good boyfriend must, he takes it. His poor beautiful face puberty worked on for so long, gnawed by his beloved. But he finds it cute too in a funny way. He just hopes this doesn’t lead to weird kinks like eyeball licking…

Connie Springer: An absolute unnecessary mess - responds back by slobbering all over your face NOT because he thinks it’s funny but because he LIKES IT 😧

#jjk x reader #aot x reader #snk x reader #itadori yuji x reader #itadori yuuji x reader #fushiguro megumi x reader #gojo satoru x reader #nanami kento x reader #eren jeager x reader #eren yeager #jean kirstein x reader #armin arlet x reader #connie springer x reader #humor #crack

[reinersprozacbottle]

Unpopular opinion (???) but Colt and Jean would make the best boyfriends out of the Aot boys

Let’s not even talk about how f*cking fun flirting with Colt’s inexperienced ass would be oop

But like seriously the fluster, the confusion and shyness in his eyes but you can still see the longing in them??? Walk with me for a sec lol lemme stop

#colt being the sweet caring boy that he is??? #jean being that and more??? #like sweet and caring but also with a great sense of humor AAAHH #you just either get it or ya don’t #aot fandom #attack on titan #aot #aot headcanons #snk #aot fanfiction #shingeki no kyoujin #jean kristen #jean krischtein #colt grice #colt aot #aot boys #aot boyfriend #jean x black reader #aot canonverse #aot modern au #aot imagines #aot x black reader #aot x poc!reader

[aruanimess]

#armin arlert #welcome to this week's: is this a joke or just canon? #aot humor

[harley-rose25]

#eren yeager #eren jaeger #Eren yeager is a psychopath #Eren has ASPD #little psycho #aot humor #aot meme #9 yr old Eren #9-year-old eren yeager

[reinerbraunlover]

THINTHOU WA THATHAGEYO😭😭‼️

#erwin smith #aot #attack on titan #aot memes #humor #anime memes

[chrollohearttags]

that cabin eren look has changed the trajectory of my life and given me the stupidest idea ever lmfaogekgs! Just walk with me for a minute

content: musician au ofc, sexual references, reverb lore (?), ony, armin and connie being aggravating as hell lmfaooo, comedy them being big ass kids, ony using the n word (nb’s keep it cute)

📝: I’m reporting live from the ER so I need something to keep me entertained. 😭 this is so dumb, forgive me.

───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰──── ───✱*.｡:｡✱*.:｡✧*.｡✰ ───

“Nah, tell them folks the full story! Go ahead.”

“Look at him getting embarrassed. He’s so cuteee.”

the sound of clicking keys and controllers rang out over the headsets, among the loud laughter and chatter coming from those wearing them. The four illustrious artists, EJ the Don, Armin Hammer, Prince Cee and Ony The God; forming the collective known as Dead Boys Society were normally coming together to perform their many hits, or even comprise music. But tonight? They had a whole other reason..or two rather!

“Tell your mama’s story, bitch. Ain’t nothing to talk about.”

on one of the very rare occasions that the gentleman accrued some free time, they decided to host a Twitch stream. Playing video games, previewing new music and just having a good time. That was until they decided to bring them out…the infamous photos.

Ony, who was in full blown hysterics, falling out of his chair in laughter as he hoisted his phone to the camera. He could barely even be contained. “Look at this nigga, bro! You couldn’t tell him shit.” And the others followed suit. “Malibu’s Most Wanted looking ass.” Armin was just in hysterics, trying to cover his face. Eren, however was not as enthused! “Say sum’, Armin. I dare you and I’m going dead in your shit when I see you again.” “Don’t get mad at me because you were the mall whore. Getting passed around.” Which was so ironic coming from him! Because during the stream, the conversation of their previous lives and how they met came about. Ony divulged that he and Connie had known each other a long time and even went to school together. The pair played basketball as well. When they were seventeen, they began working at the Bayside Mall in a shoe store. Which is where they met EJ, who had just enrolled at their high school as well. The three became really close and eventually that they not only shared an affinity for sneakers but music also. They’d compose songs, make beats and mess around during their shift. When the three of them worked together, the store was packed to the brim, even with a line out the door. Due in part to their main attraction: the cute boy from Jersey with the green eyes and the voice of angel. At any given time, there would R&B and rap playing and he would know every word. Definitely a rarity in the urban area! Connie, who vividly remembered him wanting to be in the stock room but the manager insisting on Eren being on the floor. Thanks to Ony’s suggestion! Because of that, every girl from here to Opa Locka wanted a piece, even telling him they wanted his baby! It was utter chaos. “(Y/N), ma. I’m sorry but your man had hoes. In there serenading them girls and they used to eat that shit up. They loved him. He had like three baby mamas and four step kids before he left.” Rolling his eyes, Eren would take a sip of his drink and try to interject. Defending his honor because lord knows no one else would! “Nah, they were trying to exploit me. Pimping me out for corporate gain. Bunch of bastards.” And (y/n) was just enjoying this little storytime of your man. Exposing his younger self. So when Ony showed the photos of him in his uniform with a gold chain, a tapered fade and Nikes on, posing with his fingers up, you couldn’t help but to laugh. He was just as adorable then as he was now! It most certainly wasn’t his proudest moment. Hence why he loved having hair long now.

“A white boy with a fade singing Pretty Ricky and Trey Songz and you thought we wasn’t gon’ put that nigga front and center? That was our meal ticket. We had to do something.”

and you fell clean over, unable to hold it together! Along with the chat who was spamming a plethora of ‘LMAO’ ‘s and scrambled letters. A mess! “If it means anything, baby. I think you look handsome.” Squeezing his cheeks and cooing to him as consolation. And he was not trying to hear it.

“It don’t mean shit, but thank you, princess.”

He blocked everybody that night and refused to give you any dick for a week straight because of this lil’ escapade. 😭 “I thought shit was funny, what happened?”

#cherry’s works 🍒✨ #aot x black reader #black fem reader #musician x influencer au #aot au #eren x black fem!reader #black fanfiction #eren x black reader #musician au #aot onyankopon #connie springer #armin arlert #black reader #they should’ve never showed us that version of him #aot imagines #aot drabbles #aot headcanons #eren headcanons #crack headcanons #humor post #humor is my coping mechanism #eren jaeger #eren yeager #he was mad y’all 😭 #aot #snk au #snk headcanons #snk imagines #reverb series #eren aot

[troythecatfish]

#tumblr memes #meme #memes #yapping #anime memes #animemes #anime meme otaku #anime humor #anime shitpost #manga meme #gachiakuta #aot #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan memes #aot memes #Gachiakuta memes #funny memes #meme humor #lol #lol memes #shitpost #dank memes #dank humor #dankest memes #funny #funny shit #ha ha funny #funny meme haha #funny meme xd

[cinyemina]

Levi's monologue when he was beating the shit out of eren

I can't believe it. I mean, really, can you? It's like a twisted, messed-up joke that humanity's last hope is pinned on a group of bumbling, power-hungry, so-called leaders. These guys couldn't even lead a donkey to water without getting lost in the desert...

And don't get me started on the Yeager brat. Ugly as a Titan's backside, but they want to barbecue him like he's the main course at a Titan buffet. The poor brat is scared out of his mind, stuttering like a broken record, begging for his life every few seconds. Newsflash, brat: nobody understands you when you're gagged. It's like trying to have a deep philosophical debate with a brick wall.

Nile Dok, the shining beacon of all that is pig-headed and self-important. Head of the Military Police, they call him. But from where I'm standing, he's the grand poobah of all things nonsensical. And let's not forget Nick, the Minister Shitface, holding the prestigious title of vice-judge. It's like a match made in heaven – two peas in a pod of bureaucratic incompetence.

Erwin, on the other hand, well, he's got his own history with Dok. Something about stealing Erwin's girl, Marie, way back when. The details aren't clear, but you can bet your boots that it's a festering wound that still stings. You see, Eyebrows may look as calm as a tranquil lake, but beneath that serene exterior, there's a storm brewing.

Minister Nick and his never-ending religious sermons. He's all about that Walls mumbo-jumbo, but honestly, I've got more important things to do, like keeping your sorry butts alive in this Titan-infested world. If I did give a damn about religion, I'd want a better spokesperson than this guy. I mean, really, it's like having a dung beetle as your life coach. Nick's "inspirational" speeches would put even the most dedicated insomniac to sleep. But hey, maybe that's the secret to his survival – bore the Titans to tears. While he's preaching about the great beyond, I'm out here in the real world, making sure you have a future to even worry about.

If there's a heaven, hell, or purgatory, I hope they've got better entertainment than this holy bore. Dok's playing puppet master to Zackly, and it's a damn puppet show I'm not willing to watch any longer. The clock's ticking, and I can't let this charade continue. The jury needs a reality check before Dok's nonsense becomes law.

Erwin, my partner in crime, gives me that unspoken signal, and it's like we share the same damn brain. Twins, they call us, and they might be right. But let's get one thing straight – I got the looks, and I've got the, well, length, if you catch my drift.

It's time to step up, cut through the crap, and bring some order to this chaotic world. Because if there's one thing we don't need, it's more clowns in this circus of despair. It's time for the Survey Corps to do what we do best – kick some Titan ass and take names.

It's a damn shame that I have to resort to beating the living daylights out of Eren Yeager to make a point. But let me tell you, it's like a twisted kind of therapy for me. The kid's got a hair-trigger temper, and it doesn't take much to set him off. I mean, everything makes him lose his marbles.

You'd think we were living in a world where Titans are the least of our worries, with the way Eren goes ballistic over the smallest things. It's like he's got a personal grudge against serenity. But hey, if my fists can knock some sense into him, then I'll gladly be the bad guy. In this world, losing your cool can get you killed, and I'll do whatever it takes to keep this circus from turning into a bloody tragedy.

Mikasa, the black-haired girl, can't seem to stop gushing over "Ereh!" like she's some kind of Titan-slaying goddess. The way she clings to that Titan-spitface is almost comical. Kid's got herself a full-blown crush on Mr. Yeager.

And sure, I've heard it before, that Mikasa Ackerman looks a bit like me, despite us having zero ties. But let's get one thing straight – I'd rather be related to a sack of potatoes than be associated with a brat who's obsessed with Eren.

I'm not one to toot my own horn, but between her and me, I'm the hotter one in this messed-up circus. Beauty might not save the world, but it sure beats being infatuated with a Titan-transforming teenager.

It's not the stench of their porky existence that gets to me, although that's a close second. No, it's the fear that I feed on, thrive on, and let me tell you, it's a feast.

Dok and Minister Nick are probably soaking their pants, and also shitting right about now, knowing that in my mind's eye, I'm picturing them in Yeager's shoes. There's something satisfying about watching them squirm, knowing that their day of judgment might be just around the corner. It's like a sweet symphony, and I'm the conductor, orchestrating their fear, one crescendo at a time. This world is a savage playground, and I'm the merciless player.

Wait shit, was that a spit and blood covered tooth? Holy hell, it doesn't matter. I need to pull back. Just one more kick.

Okay, maybe one more for good measure. Can't leave things unfinished, right?

And one last one, just to make sure things are nice and tidy. It's not often I get to let loose like this, so might as well enjoy it while it lasts. Another kick for the sake of, well, cleanliness.

TLDR: Shipping between Levi and Eren won't be tolerated, it's disgusting.

#levi aot #levi ackerman #levi #rivaille heichou #rivaille ackerman #eren yeager #eren jaeger #aot erwin #erwin smith #erwin #attack on titan #shingeki no kyojin #shitpost #funny #sarcastic #sarcasm #dry humor #anime #manga #aot #cinycesum-fan-stuffs