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sammysdewysensitiveeyes · 19 days

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My Morph primer

Since X-Men 97 is drawing in a lot of new fans with varied levels of experience with the original animated series or the comics, I figured I could give a write-up of who Morph is, where they come from, and why you don’t see them in any of the movies or other media. This is also an excuse for me to write about an obsessive fave, seriously, they are all over my blog. I'm not necessarily an "authority," but I've watched TAS and read the comics, which are the basis for this write-up.

Who is Morph?

"Wolverine! Fall back!"

Morph is a shapeshifting mutant who was added to the X-Men team in the original X-Men: The Animated Series as a redshirt/sacrificial lamb, to be killed off For Real in order to show that the stakes are really high. Originally it was actually going to be Thunderbird, a short-lived X-Man who died in the comics just a few issues after he was introduced, and has remained dead for decades. But creators realized that killing off the only Native American character on a mostly white team was a bad look, and went with Morph instead. Morph proved surprisingly popular with (mostly child) viewers, and was brought back in the 2nd season as a result. Morph in TAS was originally presented as male using male pronouns, but I’m gonna use they/them for the character since they are nonbinary in X-Men 97.

(Btw, even Morph's TAS costume shows their redshirt nature, as they are basically wearing a variant of the standard X-Men uniform that different groups have worn, with the Original Five (Angel, Jean, Cyclops, Beast and Iceman) and the New Mutants all wearing something similar. There was a time in the 90's when all the X-Men were wearing this uniform to try to give them a team look, but thankfully that didn't last, the individualized looks are much better. Morph's amazing disappearing reappearing jacket are the only personalized touch in their uniform, and I hope X-Men 97 gives them a costume upgrade after everyone gets used to the new look.)

Morph doesn’t appear in many episodes of TAS, but here are the definitive ones:

Season 1:

Night of the Sentinels Parts 1 and 2: Morph seems to be an established part of the team, a wise-cracking shapeshifter who is so naively overconfident about their mission that they’ve practically got a target painted on their back. When the mission goes wrong, Morph pushes Wolverine out of the way of Sentinel lasers, and gets blasted all to hell. Morph’s supposed death (which was meant at the time to be a real death) is sensed by both Jean and Xavier. Cyclops orders a retreat because the team is getting their asses kicked, abandoning both the (dead) Morph and (alive but injured) Beast, who spends the rest of the season in jail. Morph is quickly forgotten as a character, BUT the impact of their death is felt throughout the season. We get Wolverine yelling “This one’s for you, Morph!” while slicing up a Sentinel, and Cyclops in the finale insisting, “I’m not leaving anyone behind! Not this time!”

Season 2:

Till Death Do Us Part, Parts 1 and 2: Morph returns as a villain, but a sympathetic, brainwashed villain under the control of season Big Bad Mr. Sinister. Sinister is an evil scientist who likes to fuck around with mutant genetics and is especially obsessed with getting Scott and Jean to fuck, because their child will supposedly be an extremely genetically superior mutant. After Morph’s “death,” they were taken by Sinister, who revived them and implanted a control device into Morph’s brain that he uses to literally torture Morph into compliance. Morph seems to have a kind of split personality, which Sinister exacerbates and encourages, shifting between a haggard-looking Evil Morph who wants revenge on the X-Men for abandoning them and cracks jokes while attacking the team, and a normal-looking Good Morph, who doesn’t want to hurt their friends, and is generally scared and confused and having a Bad Time. If you are wondering about Morph turning into that version of themselves with dark circles around their eyes in X-Men 97 “Fire Made Flesh,” it was a reference back to this:

Evil Morph lookin' reeeeeaal creepy.

Morph uses their shape-shifting trickery to fake marry Scott and Jean (as the priest), impersonate Xavier and turn the team against each other, until Wolverine identifies them by scent. The team then chases Morph to Sinister’s lair, where he’s captured a honey-mooning Scott and Jean. Morph has been struggling with the brainwashing the entire time, and breaks free long enough to attack Sinister, then runs off away from everyone.

Whatever It Takes: Wolverine, who has declared the Morph is “the only one who could ever make him laugh,” chases Morph down to Brazil in an attempt to drag them back to the team. Morph, still fighting their dark side and flipping back and forth between the two personalities, taunts Wolverine in Jean’s form, fights him, and eventually gains enough control to tell Logan to back off. (“I have to get through this by myself!”)

Fighting your friend in an abandoned mine shaft, a totally normal thing to do.

Wolverine reluctantly lets them go. This the B-plot, the main plot of the episode features Storm and Rogue confronting the Shadow King in Africa, and is also really good.

Reunion Parts 1 and 2: Morph leaves a message for Wolverine stating that he wants to return to the team, in what seems like an obvious set-up for a trap. Wolverine, Jean and Cyclops go to retrieve them, and find that yes, it is a trap. Morph attmpts to warn the group to leave, but they are jumped by Sinister and the Nasty Boys, and the fight ends with Jean being taken, and Morph (still struggling against Sinister’s control), going semi-willingly. The whole team winds up at Sinister’s base in the Savage Land and there are a lot of good character moments, like Gambit telling Rogue he loves her. Morph spends the whole time still fighting against the brainwashing, but throws it off completely at the end (with Xavier’s help) and turns on Sinister, helping Scott and Jean defeat him. Morph is then Put on a Bus to Muir Island so that the writers wouldn’t have to deal with the character but could hold them in reserve to use later. Xavier comments that he can remove Sinister’s mind-control chip from Morph’s brain, but that “removing the psychic damage will take longer.” So the answer to “Where’s Morph?” in later seasons will always be “Recovering on Muir Island, probably hanging out with Moira and Banshee.”

If you are a Morph fan, Season 2 is THE Morph season, they get a great character arc that fleshes them out, and establishes their close relationship with Wolverine. I’m glad they didn’t toss out Morph in X-Men 97, both because I like the character, and because Morph’s entire arc in Season 2 was about their struggle to come back to the team, and constantly reaffirms that Morph is one of them, and that they belong with the X-Men. Also, I know Tumblr love an angsty, suffering blorbo, and good God does Morph suffer in Season 2.

(Someone is having a Bad Time).

Season 4:

Courage: After getting only a couple of non-speaking background cameos in Season 3, this is Morph’s comeback episode in Season 4. Morph believes that they are fully recovered and ready to rejoin the X-Men, while both Moira and Xavier seem to think they are not ready, and warn them to slow down a little. Morph tries to jump back into their old role, makes jokes, and goes on a mission with Wolverine, but is clearly still dealing with PTSD and completely freezes up when Sentinels attack the mansion and kidnap Xavier. Morph is left at the mansion while the X-Men go to rescue Xavier, but follows them anyway, and manages to play an instrumental role in stopping the Sentinels and saving Xavier. Despite this, Morph decides that they are not ready to return and cannot be relied upon in battle (because the writers didn’t want to deal with using the character on the team), and goes back to Muir Island. It’s a standard “character fucks up at the start of the episode but saves the day in the end” superhero cartoon story, and I was a little disappointed that the episode focused entirely on Morph’s “near death trauma” from the Sentinels and not the much worse “brainwashed and tortured by Sinister to the point of developing a second personality” issue. The closest we get to addressing that is Morph pointedly walking up to Cyclops with “Scott…been a long time….” which sounds like a way of saying “We’re cool now, bro, I promise I won’t try to kill you.” Still, we get some great Morph and Wolverine moments, and Morph kicks a lot of ass at the end. After Morph spends most of the series either dead or suffering, I don’t mind an episode where they get to kick ass. This episode also establishes that Morph was suffering from serious nightmares for awhile, so consider that a canon excuse to put that in your angsty fanfic.

(Morph also gets a non-speaking cameo in Beyond Good and Evil Part 1, sitting next to Jubilee at Scott and Jean’s second wedding. I think it’s sweet that they were invited, but can also imagine Scott putting them in the front row just to ensure that there are no more “fake priest” shenanigans. “Let’s put Morph where I can see him….just in case.”)

Season 5:

Graduation Day: After Xavier is attacked, Morph returns to help calm mutants world-wide by impersonating Xavier and making a public call for peace. Morph doesn’t do much in the episode, but they get an individualized goodbye from Xavier while he is addressing the team one by one, and it is clear at the end that Morph is officially back with the team. In other words, the writers could give Morph a happy ending of coming back since the show was ending and they didn’t have to deal with it going forward. Thankfully, the X-Men 97 writers were happy to pick up that ball and continue running with it, and I love what they’ve done with Morph so far!

Were there shippy vibes between Morph and Wolverine in the original series?

I dunno friend, watch “Whatever it Takes,” and “Courage,” and you tell me. Morph shifting into Jean to taunt Wolverine definitely gives me vibes of “There’s something going on there.”

Is Morph in the comics?

(Note – I’m using he/him for all comics versions of Morph because those versions all apparently ID as male.)

The answer is yes, sort of.

Changeling:

Morph was loosely based on an obscure, long dead shape-shifting mutant from the X-Men’s original 60’s run. Changeling was a villain with a tacky costume who acted very much like a standard 60’s comic book villain, associated with a terrorist group called Factor Three. Look at this fucking dude:

At the end of the Factor Three arc, it turns out that Factor Three’s leader, Mutant Master, is an alien who wants to destroy ALL life on Earth to make way for his own people, and the mutants in the group turn on him and help the X-Men. Changeling is the first one to question Mutant Master’s motives, and that’s probably the only interesting thing he does in the whole story. Several issues later, Xavier supposedly dies while helping defeat a villain named Grotesk and save the world. This story is retconned near the end of the run, when Xavier is revealed to be alive, and explains that the dead “Xavier” was actually Changeling. Changeling had discovered that he was terminally ill, and came to Xavier seeking redemption. Xavier asked Changeling to temporarily take his place as Xavier while he shut himself up in the basement to prepare to stop an alien invasion (and no, the X-Men were not informed of this, besides Jean, and yes, that is really fucked up). So Changeling became a reformed villain and honorary X-Man who went out in a heroic sacrifice, and was almost never mentioned again. (Even now Changeling appears to still be dead in the comics, even though the current storyline has allowed ALL the dead mutants to come back. Even Thunderbird is back.)

Changeling was greatly reworked to become Morph, totally changing his personality and origins. The only similarities are the shapeshifting powers and physical appearance. You can see how this guy:

Became this not-actually-a-guy:

Or even this version:

X-Men 97 Morph got a real glow-up to their human form.

Of course, they also share the trait of being a sacrificial lamb plot device, and X-Men TAS creators were originally going to call the character “Changeling,” but changed the name to Morph because DC’s Beast Boy was called Changeling at the time.

Age of Apocalypse Morph:

In the 90’s, there was a cross-over event over all the X-Books called the Age of Apocalypse, in which a time-traveller (Xavier’s son Legion, long story) murdered Xavier in the past before Xavier formed the X-Men, and created a dystopian alternate reality in which Apocalypse had taken over and Magneto led the X-Men. This was a kind of what-if event that let writers have fun with switching up character relationships, turning good guys bad and bad guys good, and of course, killing a lot of characters off. The event only lasted about four issues before it was all undone and we returned to the main Marvel universe, so they could really go wild. In the AoA book Astonishing X-Men, Magneto’s team includes a character called Morph, a versatile shapeshifter with a pasty white made-of-clay look, and a jovial, upbeat personality that is clearly based on TAS Morph. (This change to character design is where X-Men 97 Morph’s white, featureless appearance comes from).

Just a silly little guy!

AoA Morph is also stated in the book to have been formerly Changeling, before undergoing a name-change and attitude adjustment, making him an AU variant. He explains to Sunfire at one point that he never takes anything seriously because fuck it, he’s probably gonna die anyway, he may as well die with a smile on his face. AoA Morph is pretty cool, he does great shapeshifting tricks, and has some depth and heart beneath the obnoxious jokes.

Exiles Morph:

After Age of Apocalypse, the fan-favorite character Blink (like Morph, another alternate version of a short-lived character in the main comics timeline) gets pulled out of the AoA timeline and placed on a team of time-displaced X-Men. This team, all coming from alternate realities and including some other minor neglected characters (like versions of Thunderbird and Mimic), is tasked with hopping through realities, putting things right that once went wrong, and hoping each time that the next leap will be their leap home. The team also includes a version of Morph, who is so similar to AoA Morph that Blink mistakes him initially for her old teammate. This is another AU variant of Changeling who was never Changeling, but instead was recruited into the New Mutants (a bit of an age retcon for the character, as 60’s Changeling seemed much older, while Exiles Morph is clearly much younger.) Exiles Morph was a popular hero in his reality, served as both an X-Man and an Avenger, and is an incredibly powerful shapeshifter. He also winds up being a long-running mainstay of the Exiles team, so this is really the book to read for Morph content. Exiles also fleshes out the character’s past, stating that he was born as a shapeshifting blob with X-gene already activated, and only assumed a human appearance to fit in with peers. He also lost his mother to cancer at an early age, and his obnoxious jokey personality was partially a reaction to that, an attempt to both cheer up and get some attention from his grieving father. Exiles Morph is a great character, my only complaint is that he is a bit of a sex pest, constantly making “jokes” that border on sexual harassment of his female teammates. I don’t think he’s meant to actually be a creep, he never actually does anything, and when the teammate he has a crush on reveals that she is a lesbian, he steps back and acts as a supportive friend. I think Exiles Morph just suffers from late 90’s early 2000 writing where the funny jokey character has to be all “LOL, Boobies!” all the time, just so we know he’s straight. (Funny, given how not-straight X-Men 97 Morph seems to be.)

The Other Morph: Benjamin Deeds:

Brian Michael Bendis, in his Uncanny X-Men run, introduced a new character named Benjamin Deeds who could shapeshift, and looked suspiciously similar to a teenage version of Changeling/TAS Morph. His personality was different, though (more of a sulky teen trying to deal with being a mutant than a funny guy), and the nature of his powers is different. Benjamin has what is described as “chameleon-like” shapeshifting, taking on the physical characteristics of people when he gets close to them rather than fully shifting forms. He also exudes a chemical that makes people automatically like and trust him. Emma suggests the codename “Morph,” and although Benjamin doesn’t like it, it becomes his official codename going forward. I don’t think Ben actually has any real connection to Changeling or TAS Morph, he seems more like a legacy character or winking homage, like Pyro II (Simon Lasker, who inexplicably has the same powers and looks almost exactly like original Pyro, St. John Alledyce). He’s fun character and a cute lil’ guy, though.

There are people who call TAS Morph an “original character” completely invented for the cartoon, and I don’t think they’re entirely wrong. Morph is VERY different from Changeling, But to me, it makes the most sense to consider TAS Morph another AU variant of Changeling, given all the influence back and forth between the comics and the cartoon. Morph was based on Changeling, and Morph’s popularity led to AU versions of Changeling in the comics with TAS Morph’s personality literally named “Morph,” and now X-Men 97 Morph has been redesigned to match AoA/Exiles Morph’s appearance. They are variations of the same person. And it’s not exactly the first time that a comics character has been drastically reworked in an adaptation – I’m looking at you, First Class Mystique and Evolution’s “Lance Alvers.” I wonder if people would still be calling Morph an “original character” if they’d kept the name “Changeling,” since keeping the name seems to be all it takes at times. Still, TAS Morph is kind of right on the border between OC and “adapted from the comics,” and even I tend to include them in groups of “created for the cartoon” characters like Firestar, Spyke and X-23.

Why is Morph tagged as “Kevin Sydney/Sidney”?

Because that is the character’s name, more or less. TAS Morph didn’t have a “real name” in 92, because Changeling didn’t (similarly, Rogue also didn’t have a real name because the character hadn’t been given one in the comics.) In Age of Apocalypse, characters called Morph “Sydney” or “Syd,” and Morph even referred to himself that way in a thought-balloons, but the Exiles writer apparently decided, “Nah, it’s a last name,” and officially named Morph “Kevin Sydney.” The name stuck, and the 2004 Marvel “Book of the Dead” gave Changeling that name in the entry on him. Morph’s name has never been given in the cartoon, but it’s probably safe to assume that their official “human name” is Kevin Sydney, just like TAS Rogue is probably Anna Marie (her official name in the comics.) Interestingly, even in Exiles, the book where the name originated, Morph always goes by “Morph” and never “Kevin.” Maybe Home Alone ruined the name for him. I tend to use the Kevin Sydney tags on Tumblr and A03 to differentiate from other uses of the “morph” tag. In particular, Tumblr has a lot of body modification fetish posts tagged as “morph,” and no offense to the fetishists, you all keep doing what you are doing, but that’s not the content I’m looking for. I’m sure the fetish people are probably a bit annoyed at their own tag filling up with an X-Men character, but hey, it’s their name.

How old is Morph? How long were they with the team and when did they join? Is the featureless white face their “real form”? What’s their history with Wolverine?

I don’t have answers here because we don’t know. There’s a lot we don’t know about TAS Morph, and the origins of their comics counterparts don’t really translate well into cartoon continuity. Like I can’t imagine TAS Morph ever having been a willing member of Factor Three.

Personally, I tend to assume that Morph was with the team for awhile before their “death,” given that they have an established “old friend” relationship with Wolverine and know the team extremely well. I also tend to assume that TAS Morph is a similar age to the other young adults on the team like Scott and Jean. They sometimes look older in the original series, because they were based on Changeling (who also looks older), but the voice acting and general personality of the character seem younger, plus Wolverine calls them “kid”a couple of times. And it seems like their “human form” may not be their “real face” anyway, given that they’ve now defaulted to the white blank-face look. The white blank-face look IS the real form for Exiles (and presumably AoA) Morph, so the same is probably true for TAS Morph and Changeling. But this is all just my own headcanon and speculation, based on what I’ve seen in the original cartoon and the comics. You are all free to come up with your own headcanons fleshing out the character, I’ve already seen great stuff in fanfic out there!

Edit: Actually, I thought of a bit more:

How does Morph shift their clothing? Does Morph even wear clothes? How can they create accessories like Psylocke's swords?

Honestly, I dunno, this is Rule of Cool and Morph as a vehicle for character cameos in affect here. I will say that, in the comics, many characters with shapeshifter-type powers, like Wolfsbane, wear costumes made of unstable molecules that shift with their bodies, the same may be true of Morph. Exiles Morph, when commenting on his female teammates' skimpy costumes, at one point jokes that he "wears even less," so he may just be literally making clothing out of his own body. Although I would think that would get cold, or painful with no protection against the elements.

I assume that Morph does form accessories like Psylocke's swords out of their own body, which also presumably means they can't drop them. I wonder if it would hurt Morph if one of the swords broke? Exile Morph regularly turns his own body into accessories that he can hold (but not separate from his form), so presumably X-Men 97 Morph is doing the same. This is a step-up from TAS Morph, who never did that. Exiles Morph seems to be able to turn their body into whatever they want.

Does Morph copy the powers of other mutants?

Morph seems to be able to mimic only the physical-based powers of other mutants, under the shapeshifter logic of changing their body to give themselves larger muscles, claws, etc. So Angel's wings, but not Cyclops' eye beams. Nightcrawler's tail but not teleportation. In X-Men 97, Morph takes a couple of shots from X-Cutioner after shifting into Colossus, so apparently they can do the whole metal skin thing. But in TAS, when Morph turns into Wolverine, their claws are not adamantium and Wolverine easily slices through them.

I would add that Exiles Morph is also extremely durable, and can literally be ripped to pieces and shapeshift himself back together. This doesn't seem to be the case of "died from Sentinel lasers" TAS Morph, but maybe they just aren't there with their power levels yet. Exiles Morph IS especially susceptible to burns or laser blasts, and almost dies when Hyperion hits him with a beam at close range.

That’s it, hopefully this is helpful for people completely new to the character who got into X-Men 97. Mostly I just love writing about Morph. I encourage you to go back and watch the original series, or at least the Morph episodes. It’s a good show, if a bit 90’s corny, and will let you fully appreciate X-Men 97 (which has been, so far, an absolute banger of a series). Presumably we’ll see more character development of Morph as the show continues, which will maybe answer some of these questions.

#morph #kevin sydney #morph x-men

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the-underworld-aes · 2 years

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Because I’m on the Spectrum™...

I would post this on my art blog but what good would that do? I guess this is unofficially also a fandom blog... anyways

So! A thing I like doing is figuring out timelines, time frames, dates and fun stuff like that. And I gotta say, the timeline of events in Mafia 3 is INFURIATING! And according to THIS it’s the lead world designers preferred playthrough. I know I probably should take this with a huge grain of salt, but going by this it throws so many things out of wack (especially making Sign of the Times be the last DLC story you touch)

So, February 27th is when things kinda kick off, Lincoln’s friends and family are killed and he’s left for dead by the Marcanos.

Bullet wound takes on average 2 months at most to recover from (from mixed sources 😵)

Lincoln was still bed ridden when MLK was assassinated on April 4th. So I assume he was walking a bit after that, mid-April.

So mid April is when he was up moving around and getting things set up.

The DLC’s, despite not supposing to be in order, 1 of them has a specific date correlated with it.

The DLC stories become available after you get have all the under bosses and do that Sit Down mission.

The “Sign of the Times” DLC introduces character, Anna McGee, without getting too much into it, her death date on her grave is “June 6th 1968

So, set time or no, this implies the cult shenanigans happen immediately while Lincoln is getting into contact with Cassandra, Vito and Burke and he’s juggling them on top of this.

Must happen only in the span of a few days, not even a week.

For the rest of June, I guess Lincoln works at a more normal pace but still a lot going on at once.

For reason the only record date one of the Marcano Capo’s is Lou, and that’s in July, so I assume the Judge gets clapped early July.

That text at the bottom:

This threw me off but I realized it probably took a sec for the charges to process.

So I assume Giorgi and Sal died around mid-late September and the charges processed about it a bit later.

No one asked but since that POS in Faster Baby! Was going for reelection in Sinclair Parish, that means it was Primary Election season so that’s probably between Feb-Sep.

A lot of pumpkins in Faster Baby! Pumpkin season for south Louisiana is March, April and to mid-September.

My guess is that DLC story is somewhere in August.

No idea when Stones Unturned is supposed to take place, I would think near the end maybe cause it feels right with the events, like Donovan was probably like “Hey you’re about to finally kill Sal and his POS son, and I helped you SOOO MUCH up till then, can you do this one favor for me real quick??”. At least that’s how I see it.

So the main story ends in October. Maybe early November.

It’s so confusing, no one asked, but I just wanna make it make sense but it’s sooo compact to the point Lincoln had to like, do multiple things at once.

You know? Vito is right to ask him if he ever rests, cause I’m worried about him too. Just doing so much immediately after a head injury. I guess revenge quests are a hell of a stimulant. ALSO WHY DID THEY MAKE ANNA’S DEATH DATE JUNE 6TH? COULD HAVE AT LEAST BEEN JUNE 25TH OR SOMETHING A BIT LATER.

#no one asked #no one cares #im just typing out my frustrations #mafia 3 #mafia iii #mafia 3 definitive edition #video games #rambling #being ND is no cakewalk i tell ya #this stuff keeps me up all night

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lovelybarnes · 1 year

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I posted 6,178 times in 2022

347 posts created (6%)

5,831 posts reblogged (94%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@shurisneakers

@aquariusbarnes

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@lovelybarnes

@jaaneymann

I tagged 1,801 of my posts in 2022

#comment reblog - 544 posts

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Longest Tag: 140 characters

#need to finish part 2 of 1 thing then finish this fic i really like then come up with original ideas because hnggg how did i come up with th

My Top Posts in 2022:

thrist traps and the trapped- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, peter parker, sam wilson, steve rogers, natasha romanoff, tony stark warnings: bucky thinks you’re hot bc you are, tiktok edits, bucky finding tiktok edits, embarrassment, i don’t know how i feel about this about: request! the avengers being introduced by Peter to thirst trap edits of themselves a/n: so i changed it up a little bit because i don’t usually do text/messaging fics, at least until i get a specific request for it and find an app that does that, so i just mentioned the groupchat and i hope that’s alright!! i also hate this title i will change it when i think of literally anything else

“she was into me,” sam insists, lifting his coffee cup as a way to make his proclamation more dramatic, “did no one see the wink?”

“there was something in her eye,” bucky replies dryly. steve shakes his head with a sigh.

they can hear music in the living room of the compound as they walk in, bucky automatically exhaling when he spots peter on the couch. sam shakes his head, sipping from his cup.

they walk behind the couch, peter seemingly not noticing them, entranced by the video he’s watching on his phone. out of the corner of his eyes, bucky catches a glimpse of what he’s watching. sam and steve notice when the screen begins to flash.

“what the—” bucky starts, his hands coming up to cover his eyes as he backs away from the couch, an arm stretching in front of him as a way to distance himself from peter. “i’m not going to ask, parker. just advising to not watch that,” he motions awkwardly, “here.”

“what?” peter cries, fumbling with his phone when he realizes the spy was behind him. he curses his spidey senses for being so useless in a time where he’ll probably need them more than as a precaution to stop a stabbing. “no! no—i’m—oh my god…”

“look, kid,” steve begins awkwardly, swallowing hard as he blinks distantly, “i know you’re—going through some, ahem, changes—”

“stop it please,” peter begs, “may has already told me this multiple times.”

“then why the fuck are you watching porn in the living room?” sam exclaims, “is multiple times not enough?”

“i’m not watching—” peter clears his throat, settling into the couch nervously, “i’m not watching porn,” he says, quieter now. he moves to grab his phone and the group of men back away.

“i do not need you to show me,” sam closes his eyes.

“i’m not watching—i’m watching an edit! of—of spiderman,” peter admits sheepishly.

“what the hell is an edit? another word for porn?” bucky retorts.

“you’re watching an edit of yourself?” sam asks, ignoring the confused glances the two super soldiers share behind him.

“i think it’s important to show thanks to my fans,” peter mumbles.

“what’s an edit?” steve wonders.

“it’s a—a compilation of footage that people put together and add music and lights and just video crap to make it flashy,” sam responds, squinting at peter, “lemme see.”

“no!” peter sputtered.

“fine. i’ll just tell y/n you watch videos of your ass on the couch when no one is home,” sam threatens, peter’s face flooding in red when he hears your name. he hates how obvious he is when he has a crush.

“you can’t tell her,” he warns, before bedrudgingly handing his phone to sam.

the phone is opened to an edit highlighting many of peter’s outings as spiderman, and it’s pretty much what sam expected, but bucky and steve are in awe of the transitions.

“there are some of you guys, too,” peter mutters through a heavy blush.

“really?” steve inquires, “show me.” bucky nods along.

when you arrive back at the compound, the entirety of the rest of the avengers are in the family area on their phones, different music bites clashing with each other and whoops and whistles going around. nat is smirking and tony is nodding approvingly, shoving his phone into steve’s face and forcing him to watch whatever is on his screen.

“what happened here?” you implore to the closest person to you, which happens to be sam, who is cocking his head at the video playing on his phone.

“peter told them about edits,” he answers nonchalantly, looking back up at you, “how come you never told me how good i look in that red shirt?”

“what?”

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1,053 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

annoying neighbors and fake boyfriends- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, oc x reader warnings: nosy neighbors, mutual pining, fake dating about: request "You stayed over at my place one night but my nosy, annoying neighbour saw you leave. They always get on my case about being single so I told them that we’re dating to show them” a/n: you have no idea how much fun it was to write this. if you want a part two… i wil one hundred thousand percent give it to you. now. a confession, i wrote this and finished it like two days after you requested but got caught up with a bunch of requests and didn’t get the chance to edit. i hope you enjoy!!

the keys in your grasp jingle and clink against each other when you move to quickly lock your door, even through your attempts to keep the noise down. you cringe when the bronze key, settled between two others on both sides, clangs loudly against the metal of your doorknob. quickly wrapping your fingers around all of the keys while your other hand is pressed against the wood of your door, you hold your breath and shut your eyes as if it mutes the noise.

when you hear nothing, you sigh softly, letting the shoulders you hadn’t even realized had tensed drop down, clicking your lock closed. you move to pick up your bag, sure you’re safe when the door across from you suddenly opens, light spilling out along with the woman living in the apartment, nestled in a deep purple robe that she tugs against her form, hair parted as if she was in the middle of doing it.

“y/n!” she exclaims, eyebrows raising in surprise as she crosses her arms over each other, “where are you sneaking off to so early in the morning?”

you give her a tight smile, grip tightening around the straps of your bag. “i-”

miss sellack gasps before you can continue, a dramatic hand coming up to her lips, “have you finally gotten a boyfriend? i told gertie upstairs you could do it. she’s always saying how lonely you are and i can’t say i disagree, but i knew you could do it. no matter what anyone says.”

you force a dry laugh from your throat, nodding stiffly at her words, clearly dipped in condescension from the little smirk playing on her lips and the other quips she’d thrown at you when she saw you around the building. annoying little sad smiles when she’d spy you alone—which was most, if not all of the time—while she was always with her partner. sad pats on the shoulder and patronizing whispers of “it’ll be okay” or “there’s someone out there for you, too.” basically a pathetically thinly-veiled “you’re alone and will probably die alone, and i will never stop reminding you of it.”

“not exactly,” you tell her, “but thanks, i guess.”

she pauses and pouts for you, solemnly shaking her head, “you’ll find him,” she says, "someday."

you hum tensely, “right. have a nice day.”

“i don’t know why you don’t just ignore her or move out. you know you have a room here at the compound, and stark is all too happy to get you a better apartment in a better neighborhood with nicer neighbors,” natasha replies in response to the recount of your morning, stirring her tea with a short green stick.

“she makes good cookies!” you defend, your words the complete truth; sellack made amazing cookies, and you’d take her deprecating actions for the large can of the cookies she gave you every few months—however, it didn’t mean you had to like it. “and bad neighbors are everywhere,” you point out. “besides, i like not depending on tony that much. i feel like he’d kick me out or something if i made him mad enough, it’s just like i’d have to pay a debt if i lived on him. it makes me feel a little more… normal, too.”

“like you’re not an ex-assassin newly reformed avenger?” natasha asks.

“like i’m not an ex-assassin newly reformed avenger,” you confirm. “just someone with no special skills and an annoying neighbor that won’t shut up about the fact that i’m single and pointing it out a little bit snobbier each time.”

"the epitome of normal if i've ever heard it," natasha grins.

you laugh. "exactly."

"besides," natasha starts, "you know she's wrong. if you were to, you already know that the minute you start to look, there'll be a line forming out your door. all the recruits are already head over heels for you, never mind barnes."

blushing, you shake your head, “you’re not still with that, are you?”

“i only speak the truth,” your friend shrugs, taking a sip of her drink. her eyes trace over your face before looking at something over your shoulder. “speak of the devil,” she smiles.

two hands, one warm and one cold but both soft, fall on each of your shoulders, fingertips beginning to gently dig into your skin in a sort of pre-massage. you can’t hold back the smile that graces your lips, tilting your chin up to meet bucky’s eyes over you, “hello.”

“hey,” he grins, “‘wanted to remind you that movie night is at yours tonight.”

you raise a brow, “is it now?”

bucky nods, “we are tired of tony being so loud, we can’t hear the movie, and steve’s already hosted, meaning we’ll be heading to your lovely neighborhood and trying to squeeze into your living room.”

you laugh, “alright. but one of you will have to watch the television from the bed in my room because you guys take up much more space than my apartment was made for.”

“‘s alright, i guess some of us will just have to squeeze in there,” bucky winks, making you chuckle.

“just try to not leave at three this time, my neighbor insisted i was in some sort of cult last time.”

“promise, doll,” bucky swears, “i will not leave your apartment at three in the morning.”

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1,078 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

blush- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, steve rogers warnings: flustered!bucky like stupidly so about: request! Bucky was never a ‘ladies man’ in the 40’s (him and Steve made a pack to talk the other up no matter what to other guys) so when Y/n makes a move on him he gets all flustered and doesn’t know what to do… a/n: [shortie but a goodie i hope] i had to find out cucumbers are fruit for this fic and i am not okay with this information.

the effect you have on bucky drives him nearly as insane as you do, with your flirty smiles and winks he’s only half sure are meant for him. his crush on you is embarrassingly obvious—at least he thinks so, but he can’t control the blush that colors his skin whenever you blow a kiss at him after you catch him looking at you, or he turns to meet the eyes already on him.

steve stifles laughter each time bucky is left with only a wobbly little smile and longing eyes when you walk past and brush past his arm, your fingers lingering around his bicep for a few seconds too long for it to be friendly as you apologize.

bucky grumbles about how his friend isn’t—or at least wasn’t—much better than he is, but however true it may be, it falls flat when he nearly trips over his own feet when you wave at him while you run past him with an excited “hi bucky!”

you’re even gracious enough to pretend not to see when he clumsily waves back and almost crashes against a tree, although sam certainly isn’t, only somewhat quieting down when you smack at his arm.

he’s never been good at this, and he wasn’t expecting something like that to change, but he’d always trusted that he could at least be decent when it mattered.

like now. when you’re alone in the kitchen and bucky wants to ask you to go with him to the gala steve was forcing him to go to. he’d been forgoing it only because each time he saw you, there were other avengers in the room, most of which he would definitely mind seeing him getting rejected.

but then your eyes meet his and your face breaks out into the smiles that make him go a little dumb, and he realized he can’t be decent at this even when it matters.

“hey, bucky,” you greet happily, grabbing the plate of chopped fruit you’d cut for yourself and walking toward him. “d’you want some cucumber?” you offer, lifting the container.

bucky nods thoughtlessly, taking some of the cucumber and eating it. “that’s really good,” he praises, words muffled. “best cucumber i’ve ever had.”

you laugh, only urging bucky to eat more and bring that sound back. “thanks. i’m glad you like it.”

“uh huh,” he mumbles, shoving more cucumber between his lips.

“what’s that?” steve asks when he enters the kitchen, and even though bucky knows otherwise, it makes him feel better to blame it all on steve, his own silent thoughts lying when he briefly lies to himself in believing that steve interrupted just when he was going to ask you to be his date.

“chopped cucumber with lime and salt,” you reply. “want some? bucky liked it.”

steve furrows his brows, “bucky hates cucumbers. always has.” he shoots the man a look.

surprised, you turn to bucky, retracting the plate. “you do? you don’t have to eat any if you don’t want to, buck. seriously.”

“no,” bucky argues petulantly, reaching for more fruit, “i love cucumber.” he nods seriously, gesturing to steve and waving him off. “old.”

“thanks,” steve retorts, rolling his eyes and walking out as bucky continues to force more cucumber into his mouth.

you eye him suspiciously before simply nodding and taking some for yourself. “so what’re you doing in three days?”

“hmm?” bucky questions through a mouth full of the fruit he hates. “uh, the gala i think,” he replies when he forces it down, holding back a wince but still reaching for more.

you nod. “do you have a date yet?”

bucky freezes, nearly choking when a prospect of your words drifts through his mind. he shakes it away stubbornly, refusing to get his hopes up for something that was probably not going to happen. “no,” he answers finally.

you nod, dropping your eyes and biting your lip before inhaling shortly—gaining confidence—and giving him a small smile. “would you want to go with me?” you propose. “as a date?”

bucky actually chokes then, making a strange noise and then hitting a fist against his chest. your eyebrows furrow immediately and you put your plate down, getting closer to him. “oh my god, are you okay?”

bucky forces a nod and an awkward thumbs up.

“you’re choking!” you gasp, going to slap his back. he finally swallows it down and thanks you coarsely.

before you can take it back, bucky coughs out an enthusiastic yes, nodding madly.

“are you sure?” you question cautiously, “i almost killed you just now and i’m not that great of a dancer.”

bucky chuckles hoarsely, flushing at the way your fingers are still dancing along his back in soothing motions. “that’s okay. and it was my fault. i should learn how to…” he pauses, struggling to pinpoint exactly what went wrong. ”swallow correctly.”

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1,487 notes - Posted April 12, 2022

baby- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader

warnings: it’s really all fluff, just intense mutual pining and flirting

about: request! Bucky and reader have tension with their crush on each other but are too stubborn to make a move. One day reader calls him by his Initials (B.B) in conversation but Bucky mishears it as “baby” and had to do a double take ?

you don’t seem to realize the blue eyes on you as you strap knives to your thighs, checking your weapons before you move to hide them along your body. cerulean irises follow your every movement, dragging on the shape of your thighs as you snap a gun into place on your hip. sam can notice you’ve caught him by the way you seem to take longer to adjust the holster along your thigh, running your fingers along your suit-covered skin longer than he’s ever seen you take.

bucky seems entranced, eyeing your hands as they move with sharp blades as you observe them in the light, a gentle index trailing over the sharp side, your lip quirking when you’re satisfied. he follows your hand as it goes to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, then as it loads a gun.

sam thinks how great you are with weapons is hot, too, but he doesn’t spend the entire quinjet ride staring at you.

he elbows bucky, raising an eyebrow at him when he finally tears his attention off of you—a few seconds late, might sam add. “you’re staring,” sam lets him know.

bucky shrugs, “she’s my friend.”

“she’s mine, too. ‘don’t catch me starin’ at her, do you?”

bucky turns back to you, “not since last time.”

sensing sam on the verge of responding like a smart ass, bucky stands, stepping over to you, swiping one of your favorite knives from the table next to you. your eyes only flicker up to him to make sure it is him before you look back down at the gun you’re cleaning, a smile making its way to your face.

“why don’t you do this before missions? like a responsible adult?” bucky asks, beginning to twirl the knife in his hands, you can’t help how your eyes catch on the movements of his fingers, breath catching for a moment before you force yourself to pay attention to what you’re doing.

“like you?” you ask, shaking your head when he shrugs.

“hardly’d call you a ‘responsible adult,’” you grin, remembering a few weeks prior, when bucky had set out all of the things he was planning on using today to clean since he “hadn’t in a while.” you can also recall him sticking his metal fingers in the toaster and nearly electrocuting himself, having to make his way to shuri shortly after.

bucky grunts, stopping his playing with your knife, “now why wound me like that, doll?”

you laugh, putting the gun you were cleaning and reaching for your dagger, grabbing the blade half and poking bucky in the chest with the handle, “i can’t wound you any worse than you can wound yourself, mister i-get-myself-stabbed-every-three-days.”

“worth it to see you play nurse. you get cute all worried.” your face heats, shaking your head.

“yeah? maybe i should get stabbed then, see how cute you are.”

“no, no, no, no getting stabbed. i’ll spend every second right next to you if i hav’ta to make sure.”

“good,” you nod, “i’m planning on doing that anyways seeing your history.”

“and i’m irresistible and you’re unable to say away,” bucky adds with a wink.

“that, too.”

natasha raises a groomed eyebrow at the sight of you and bucky behind the island in the kitchen, cocking her head as she observes you offer a spoon of nutella to the super soldier. from her place on the couch, she purses her lips when you dip your finger in the chocolate, about to lick it off yourself when bucky suddenly does it for you. you laugh, lightly pushing him away and teasingly reprimanding him with the spoon in your hand. bucky shrugs, his eyes dragging over the way you take the spoon for yourself, continuing to do what you were.

shaking her head, natasha turns back, deciding she has to do something about you two if the both of you continue like this as you have for the past few months. as sweet as it was to see the two people who most deserved love get it, it was getting painful to watch you be so into each other without doing anything about it because you “weren’t sure if he feels the same way.” she’d rolled her eyes at you then, and she would now.

“bucky!” you laugh, natasha not even bothering to turn around. you blink up at bucky, accusing eyes settling on the playful glint in the sea blue of his irises. he smiles in the way that makes butterflies erupt in your stomach, lets you take a peek into the teasing personality he’d gotten stripped away from him all those unfair years ago.

“oops, doll. accident,” bucky shrugs, raising a hand up to your chin again, a tender thumb reaching to swipe the chocolate he’d rubbed on you off of your nose. his palm is warm against your skin, leaving a trail of gentle heat that rushes into your cheeks.

“yeah, sure.” you scoff out, blinking away the daze you had been caught in, his lips frozen in your mind. gently shaking your head, you go back to what you were doing, “about as much of an accident as this will be.”

“what wi—”

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1,672 notes - Posted January 17, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

hopeless- b. barnes

pairings: bucky barnes x reader, natasha romanoff, steve rogers, tony stark. oc warnings: kidnap, torture, reader is threatened, rejection, ANGST about: request! “where bucky nd reader have a big argument nd then she storms out in the middle of the night leading to her being kidnapped. Then the whole time she thinks bucky isn't coming for her due to the fight” a/n: phew this took a hot minute. my longest fic. do not like the ending, but i hope you enjoy!!

bucky’s smile is wide as he observes you flit about your room, a silly twinkle in his eyes while they observe your exaggerated thinking gesture, obviously dramatic in your search for his next book to read. he leans against your wall, amused by your pulled features as they contemplate two different books: one red and well-loved and one blue and weathered.

“hmm, do you want something sad and romantic that has lines that make me doubt that i’ll ever find love,” you begin, raising the blue book higher. “or something classic and sweet and scary?” you continue, shaking the red one.

“how could you doubt you’ll find love?” bucky wonders aloud then, and you turn to your bookshelf again just to get away from the intensity of his gaze.

you shrug, unsure of how to respond, busying yourself with putting one of the books away.

“it’s you,” bucky continues, stressing the pronoun as if its implication is obvious. “you’ll get the best love. the pure and mushy type.”

the lazy shapes your fingers are rubbing into the spine of your book slow as you soak in the implications that bucky’s words carry with them. when you force yourself to meet his eyes, you’re unsurprised to find them on you already, but it’s startling to meet their depth, the way they were willing you to turn around without your knowledge. you begin to walk toward him, feigning your purpose as handing him the blue book.

“yeah?” you find yourself replying as you step forward slowly, searching for something deeper in bucky’s face as it breaks out in a smile.

“yeah,” bucky agrees with dead-set certainty. “the universe would be insane for giving you anything less.”

you smother the bashful smile that fights to make only its whisper appear on your face, holding back the urge to look at the ground in overwhelming emotions due to the entirety of the situation—the implications that you’d thought ridiculous of you to even consider seeming more concrete with the honesty of the words that bucky promises to you, making his eyes gleam just a little bit brighter with an unbridled determination that you’d never seen before.

“anything less than what?” you ask, testing the waters simply for reassurance that might push you over an edge you aren’t sure you want to cross.

“anything less than what you deserve,” bucky clarifies. “the sweet, sappy love with the notes and pictures and gifts and safety and never letting you forget how loved you are. the basics.”

you cock your head at him, trying not to drown in the wishes you had listed long ago that tumble from bucky’s mouth.

“oh,” you whisper, eyes flickering to the polaroids you have around your room, adorned with small, smudged words written messily in pen by bucky when he’d given them to you. there are post-its scrawled with his handwriting taped to your walls and hidden in a box underneath your bed. you can’t help but see the parallels between his explanation of the love you “deserve” and the love he constantly rains over you.

the attraction you’d begun to harbor for him yearns more at the possibility of it being returned—because here he is, laying it out for you with his reflection displayed on the plans.

“the universe would be insane to not give you that,” bucky goes on, the absolute resolve that you can make out in his words staggering. “anyone overall would be insane not to love you.”

there’s a twinkle in his eye that you’d grown used to, yet you observe when you look up at him again, what you were trying to do forgotten as you search his features. he doesn’t seem to acknowledge how deeply you scrutinize the softened lines of his face, the gentle lift of his lip as he looks at you.

you swallow, beginning to step toward him. “really?”

“yeah,” bucky replies like it’s obvious, nearly nonchalant but it fails with how deep his intent runs.

you realize the space that separated you wasn’t all that large when you find yourself closer to him than you thought before, and your breath stalls, completely caught up in the moment. bucky doesn’t seem too different, dilated pupils unmoving from your face, tugging you closer without a single touch.

“oh,” you breathe out, goosebumps rising on your skin when bucky puffs out a gentle laugh, his hand reaching to set on your jaw.

“what?” he asks curiously, his thumb pressing soft shapes into your cheek.

it’s like honey, his touch, the severity of his stare clicking something inside of you that you’d been so afraid to open.

suddenly, you’re certain. because surely nobody can look at you the way bucky is looking at you—touch you with the care he treats you with, tell you all the things he whispers in your ear without reflecting the feelings you have for him.

“i love you,” you blurt, tangled in a breath with the relief of the admission finally meeting your tongue, watching as something passes through his face—surprise, at first, and then there’s a brief indication of relief, just a flash, gone quickly enough to let you believe it was simply a figment of your imagination. his fingers stop moving on your face, and suddenly his features harden, pulling his touch away entirely.

there are alarm bells ringing in your brain, because this is not going the way you’d convinced yourself it would. he was supposed to smile and kiss you clumsily, mumbling out that he loved you too and you would say obviously and he would laugh.

not removing himself from your reach, staring holes into your head, red bubbles of frustration darkening his eyes.

“what the fuck?” he snaps. and the words are so sudden and sharp that they nearly make you flinch, spine straightening with a velocity that jumbles your words with the speed at which they try to tumble from your lips. he either doesn’t notice or doesn’t care.

“you what?” he demands, his tone foreign to your ears coming from the same lips that have never once let words edged with a raised tone slip past. bucky doesn’t speak to you like that. bucky doesn’t harden and bucky never raises his voice. not at you, never at you.

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1,832 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #cmment reblog tag is overflowing... this is amazing thank you guys so much

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trickstercheshi · 1 year

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My Top Posts in 2022:

Apparently tumblr didn't actually post this post I wrote right when I finished nona so time to go back and add some quotes.

-----

Ok I just finished nona and I'm going insane but, I wonder if mercymorn and Augustine and Gideon aren't the lyctors original names? Bc we know that's who Jod is talking about, but why censor them? Unless they were different and he changed them when the woke up.

My key piece of evidence for this is the bit where he talks about Ulysses and Titania and how he changed their names from the original. ALSO WILD THAT THEY WERE DEAD BEFORE HE MET THEM AND REVIVED WAY LATER

-----

My evidence:

So, my two kids, the guinea pigs, they were U— and T— on their certificates, you know, their old names. I thought about using those but it didn’t seem appropriate.

And then a bit later:

Let me introduce you to … Ulysses. Let me introduce you to … Titania.

Following these naming conventions that means all the lyctors had other names originally. I'm dying to know what they are.

And also trying to figure out who all the ppl he's referencing are:

He said, It was me and A— and M— at the start.

This one's pretty obviously Augustine and Mercymorn.

C— was brought on by the oversight execs for contracts, you know, checks and balances, but look where that ended up, she was on our side before the first year was over

This could be Cristabel, Cassiopeia, Cyrus, or Cytherea. (God why r there so many C names). Leaning towards Cristabel at this point just bc she goes with Mercymorn.

We even lent them G— at the time because they wanted to talk about coating.

This one's G1deon obviously.

C— was panicking because with the project over she was getting recalled to England and didn’t want to go, she’d got N— and didn’t want to leave her, refused to admit they were dating even though we all knew.

Ok so C is pretty obviously Cassiopeia at this point, and N is Nigella.

Interesting side note here, everyone mentioned so far is a necromancer, not cavelier (with the exception of N whose only referenced in relation to C.

we had a pet cop, P—. She’d made detective by that point; was going on to big things in the MoD. Knew G— from way back,

PYRRHA yasss baby

god her being a cop makes so much sense lmao.

C— was still pretending they weren’t dating—she was an artist, so that was cool. If you have two scientists and an engineer and a detective and a lawyer and an artist you’re pretty much sweet as.

Cassiopeia is the lawyer if we're going off of the earlier quote, so Nigella is the artist, Mercymorn and Augustine are both scientists, I'm p sure G1deon is the engineer, and Pyrrha is the detective obviously.

M— had brought in her best friend, the nun,

interestingly this person is always described as "M—'s nun, and never given a letter. It could definitely be Cristabel, especially given that we can't use C— twice without it being hella confusing, but I'm wondering if John chose not to revive her afterwards for some reason so she's not actually anyone. There's this weird distance to how he describes her vs the other ppl: "the nun", "our nun", "M—'s nun" vs everyone's name. (He would be that petty).

My other theory is that M—'s nun is ANASTASIA. Again, can't use A a second time, she's obviously smart as hell and gets him to figure out the soul, which hello our Anastasia almost perfected the actual lyctoral process, and obviously the ninth house is full of nuns. Plus, he trusted her to watch over Alecto and seal the tomb, who better then the person that showed you she existed in the first place?

And then A— brought in his little brother who was a hedge fund manager. A— Junior was useless but he was a darling,

We know from HTN that this is Alfred.

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86 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

"I did end up writing a total divergence when I was writing Nona, back in 2020, because I wanted to make sure my clockwork made sense — I wanted to make sure that if you wound up Gideon and Harrow and put them on a slightly different route the laws of the universe would still flow accordingly. (I stopped writing because when your editor asks how you’re doing and you’re like “I stopped to write 30k to prove a timeline” he’s legally allowed to shoot you with a crossbow.)"

Tamsyn release this as bonus content challenge

190 notes - Posted January 27, 2022

Ok I know everyone and their mother thinks Nona is in gideon's body, but what if... It's actually Harrow's body instead???

I have very little scant evidence for this but I will present it anyways.

At the end of Harrow the Ninth, Pyrrha, in G1deon's body, is with Gideon, in Harrow's body, onboard the Mithraeum at the bottom of the river.

Gideon breaks a window and swims out into the river, sees god and Ianthe, and then drowns. Then she sees

"a great sunshiny light: a blurred figure [...] your bullshit dead girlfriend had come to claim you.

And she said in the wrong voice twice removed: "Chest compressions. I know her sternums shattered; ignore it. We need that heart pumping. On my mark."

Hands pressed. We died." (500)

Then, in the Epilogue, the mystery girl lives with "the person who went to work for her, the person who taught her, and the person who looked after her" (505) we get confirmation at the end that "the person who looks after her" is Camilla.

Then, in the Nona the Ninth summary it says "Nona would prefer to live an ordinary life with the people she loves, with Pyrrha and Camilla and Palamedes"

So somehow, Pyrrha gets from in the river with Gideon in Harrow's body, to Camilla and Pal. What if she took Harrow's body with her? Knowing her character, and especially knowing that she just found out that Wake's daughter is in Harrow's body, it doesn't rly make sense for her to just abandon them.

I know this doesn't rly track with the fact that we know Cam was with Gideon's body at one point, but she's definitely not with Gideon's body in the shuttle when she meets Harrow, and given that that body was achieving cult worship status by BOE it's unlikely that they would let it go.

My other evidence, which is more circumstantial than anything, is that mystery girl is given "bones to arrange ("just whatever feels normal")" and "the sword would be put in her hand again by the person who looked after her" (505-506)

This would make sense for cam and pal to do if they knew it was someone in Harrow's body, bc they knew that both harrow (a necromancer) and Gideon (a cavalier) had been in that body previously.

Side note, "the sword" could be referring to gideon's two-hander, more evidence for it being Harrow's body, bc otherwise how would they have gotten the sword?

240 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

A chronological reading of Harrow the Ninth

Note: this guide assumes htn has already been read and is not spoiler free.

This is my best guess as to the order of the events of the book chronologically. Since some things very clearly happen simultaneously (harrow in the river bubble and Gideon in her body for example) I have chosen an order to read those events in. This is fairly arbitrary and I will note that where possible.

The general timeline will be:

River bubble events at Canaan house up to and including the AUs

Present day events (Erebos and Mithraeum) up to Harrow getting stabbed

River bubble after Harrow becomes conscious

Gideon in Harrow's body

6 months after the emperors murder

All page numbers are for the paperback edition.

River bubble Canaan House

chapter 3 pg. 47-54 Harrow's childhood

chapter Parodos pg. 19-23 (14 months before) the summons

chapter 5 pg. 68-72 shuttle to Canaan

chapter 8 pg. 108-115 Canaan intro

chapter 10 pg. 127-135 Ortus reading Noniad

chapter 18 pg. 180-185 Deuteros' body

chapter 21 pg. 197-206 Pal and Cams bodies

chapter 26 pg. 236-238 Silas kills Corona

chapter 28 pg. 248-354 Harrow admits her madness

chapter 35 pg. 323-330 teacher leaves

the AUs

Given that we have no info on the timing of these I am placing them in the order they are presented in the book. At the very least they should be read before harrow awakens in the river bubble due to this line: "we have no idea of the limitations in those other scenarios" (379)

chapter 40 pg. 367-371 Harrow Nova (reverse roles)

chapter 41 pg. 372-374 Divine Highness arranged marriage

chapter 42 pg. 375-378 cohort coffee shop

Erebos

I'm not actually totally sure if the lobotomy happens on the Erebos or at Canaan house but it's the earliest thing in the book so it goes first.

chapter Epiparodos pg. 360-364 (9 months and 29 days before) the lobotomy

chapter 1 pg. 27-31 (9 months before) Jod gives her the sword

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330 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Every time the body speaks in HTN

(In chronological order)

"the Body of the Locked Tomb had not spoken to you since the night you massaged the purple, swollen clots of blood out of the necks of your dead parents" (44)

This directly contradicts the next quote, from before Harrow goes to Canaan house.

"This isn't how it happens, said the Body. (23)

This is 14 months before the emperors murder, when Harrow is asking Ortus to be her cavalier. Side note: this is the only time the Body is present or speaks in the dream bubble/altered past.

"What he is saying," said the Body distinctly, "is that you have to learn that sword." (44)

Harrow talking to God about revenant beasts. She describes the the Body's voice as

"its dry uncanny echo of other voices you had known: your mother's, Crux's." (44)

She then replies to the body with:

"I can't," you said as carefully as possible. "I can't, beloved. It's gone." [...]

"You are walking down a long passage," said the Body. "You need to turn around."

"I am standing in the dark," you told her. [...] "I lost it. It's gone. There's nothing there. I must have misapprehended the process. I am half a Lyctor. I am nothing, I am pointless, I am unmanned." (45)

This is (presumably) before Ianthe gives her the letters and tells her of the work.

"How old are you?" she [Mercymorn] asked abruptly. "How old are you in years?" [...]

It was then that the Body emerged from behind the Lyctor's shoulder [...] and she said, quite clearly, with the voice of Aiglamene and your mother commingled:

"Lie, Harrow. Now." (77)

This is when Mercy first captures Harrow.

a dream wherein you sat down to dinner opposite the Body. [...] you talked comfortably of very little—yet it felt as thought it meant very much. [...]

Then the Body looked at you with those direct, incalculable eyes, and she said: "Harrowhark. Wake up."

"Pardon?"

"Wake up. Now." (207)

She is warning Harrow to get up to see Wake in Cytheria's corpse.

Aloud, you said through swollen lips: "The Saint of Duty must die."

And on the bed, the Body said, "Yes." (226)

Right after G1deon breaks through her wards in her room.

Next to you, the Body said quietly, "The water is risen. So is the sun. We will endure." (294)

After Harrow chooses not to kill G1deon and Wake in Cytheria's corpse escapes.

You said, "Beloved?"

She said, "It's coming," with the most anticipatory astonishment you had ever heard from her in her low, many-personed voice—right then she used the voice of your father's cavalier. And: "It's near!" [...]

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602 notes - Posted January 22, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

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tdcloud · 2 years

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Enter the Vigilante-Verse (upcoming IP teaser) (blog#7)

We’ve hit June! Just like last month, I’m currently at a convention promoting my work and likely making many questionable decisions regarding my alcohol tolerance and a Kalahari cup or two XD If you’re at Colossalcon, hopefully we cross paths! And if not, then this author blog will have to suffice instead. Like I said before, we’re going to take a break from the deep dives and explore some other topics for a bit before we get into the Duskriven Chronicles books. The lovely people over on twitter helped me narrow down our topic du jour. This month, I’m going to introduce you guys to a new upcoming IP: my three-part (or will it be four?) vigilante-verse series!

This -hand waves- series is a compilation of novellas I wrote over on Patreon as part of our monthly short works poll. It started with just a 3-part idea I had about a really powerful superhuman turning to villainy solely for the sake of “kidnapping” (read as “spending time with”) his hero crush. That turned into a fleshed out six chaptered novella that spawned a lesbian sequel/spinoff as well as another vigilante story set in the same universe but that takes place in America (the other two take place in London.) They’re very silly and self-indulgent, full of very strong characters having very normal—and sometimes very not-normal—problems. I’m a huge fan of DC, specifically Red Hood and Batman titles, so writing a vigilante series was my excuse to go hog wild and incorporate all the tropes and themes I love most about cape stories. There’s identity shenanigans, vigilante charity auctions, the eternal conflict of opening up to someone else when a secret identity keeps getting in the way, and plenty of rooftop makeouts. I play with characters who have incredibly strong powers and others who have no powers at all. There are heroes seeking villains, villains seeking heroes, heroes seeking anyone at all, and villains who are just plain having fun.

Interested? I sure as hell hope so. Either way, let’s get to it.

I’ll have to preface this whole blog post by saying that, despite all of these works nearing publication-ready status, I still don’t have a series name picked out nor do I have concrete titles just yet. I’ve been referring to them colloquially as their couple names (Ezra/Kennedy, Pride/Stray, Tamsen/Vulture), but as of right now, I’m leaning on using the vigilante aliases of the love interests/non-pov characters (Nightshade, Pride, Minerva). For this post, I’ll probably be using the couple names since that’s still the working title I use on Patreon/with my publication team. If later you see them called something different, don’t be too confused. Blame my indecisiveness.

So, let’s begin with the one that started all of this mess: Ezra/Kennedy. Ezra Ravencroft and Kennedy Taylor. Nightshade and London King. Oh, boy howdy, where do I begin with these two? I don’t have the formal summaries for these works written up yet, so I’ll just give you the elevator pitch. Our main character is Kennedy Taylor, a middle aged superhero (or Special, as they’re termed in this universe) who has, in the public eye, gone to seed. He was one of the first big heroes back when Specials began to enter the scene—imagine Superman levels of notoriety and public approval. But that was over twenty years ago. Newer, flashier heroes have made their debuts, and Kennedy… Well, he’s a perceptive type. He knows which way the wind is blowing, so when his popularity and government support begins to ebb away, he’s ready to accept it—that is, he’s ready. It doesn’t seem like Nightshade, a villainous newcomer on the London vigilante scene, feels the same way.

What follows from there is more than Kennedy in all his twenty-plus years of crime fighting has ever experienced before. Nightshade seems to show up at the most random of moments. His skills are undeniable. His intentions, however… Kennedy already knows the government stopped offering to pay for his ransom amounts, so why does Nightshade keep kidnapping him during fights? Better question yet, why does the young cad keep kissing him once he’s got him at his mercy?

And honestly, the even better question, Kennedy knows, is why the hell does he keep letting Nightshade get away with it?

As you can see, this is all just super self-indulgent. I really wanted to try my hand at writing a different dynamic than what I normally do. So, for this one I went for a young, confident top (who is trans, btw, since I never ever see trans twink tops with older, bulky cis guys) and a middle aged-yet-moe bottom. I have to thank my artist for this series for steering me in that direction and planting the dynamic in my head when I began writing it. Linden has her preferences for sure, and they’re good ones. But more on Linden and her involvement later.

Ezra/Kennedy really does have it all: superhero fights, a charity bachelor auction, navigating secret identities in the most bone-headed way possible, and two male leads who are fucking morons in the best way. Seriously. Some of their exchanges are so goddamn funny that I’m a bit shocked I managed to come up with them. I think it’s safe to say that when you read this novella, you’re going to fall in love with Ezra and Kennedy both, at least, in between the moments when you want to wring their necks for being so dumb. Thank god the side characters have a few more brain cells—and that’s our segue into the next novella!

The next installment in this series—and the direct tie-in/sequel to Ezra/Kennedy—is Tamsen/Vulture. Tamsen McLeod and Vulture (her full name is a spoiler <3). These two are supporting characters in Ezra/Kennedy, with Tamsen serving as Ezra’s best friend/personal assistant and Vulture as Kennedy’s unwilling friend and occasional partner when buildings start blowing up during their pub lunches. It’s hard to say too much about the plot without spoiling things in Ezra/Kennedy, but I’ll do my best with another elevator pitch. Vulture is the epitome of a self-made vigilante powerhouse. She’s scrappy, she’s chronically broke, and unlike the big names around her, she’s made her meager reputation by herself. She’s got no powers, no political backing, and very little in the way of allies or people she trusts. That all starts to change after meeting the famous London King.

Now, she’s not so alone. Now, she’s surrounded by people who want to call her friend. But Vulture’s not keen on adding to her weaknesses by letting people in. She’s got a family she doesn’t want involved in her dangerous lifestyle, and the news is always full of stories of vigilantes losing those closest to them simply because their family and friends were an easier target for the villains than themselves.

Unfortunately for her, though? Sometimes there are jobs too complicated for just one person to do, and when her only option is to go to Nightshade for help, she finds herself with a hell of a lot more to handle than just one lousy drug operation.

Sorry, it’s really hard to write a summary for a sequel without spoiling the first book :/ The core themes at least are easier to convey. Vulture is a loner who is paranoid about letting people get close to her. Tamsen is a workaholic attached to her best friend Ezra whose very existence keeps them both from having normal lives. It’s a story about the difficulties in dating when you’re a vigilante, especially when the person you want to date isn’t exactly a vigilante herself—or at least what your idea of one is. There’s a lot of horny fight scenes, conflicting ideologies on the nature of relationships and duty, BDSM elements, and two women who could snap your neck like a twig frothing at the bit for intimacy, even if it does come with a bloody nose. I call it a disaster lesbian story involving two women who are not by nature happy, soft, or romantic with one another. A big tenant of my work is that I write things I don’t commonly see in the genre already. There’s nothing wrong with tender lesbian stories—hell, I’d call Hiraeth that, but if you’ve ever wanted to read something sapphic but not sappy, this is the story for you.

The third and final—at least, for the moment—installment is Pride/Stray. Just like with Vulture, Pride’s full name would be a spoiler, but I can at least tell you at length about Morgan “Stray” Hart. If you guys thought Ezra and Kennedy were dumb, then boy, do I have a surprise for you XD For a very long time I referred to this story as Reverse Vigilantes, as in, the reversed dynamic of Vigilantes, the very first working title for Ezra/Kennedy. This involves a young, overly confident to the point of stupidity hero (though I’d argue he’s more of an anti-hero) and an older, justifiably confident villain at the top of his game. If Ezra/Kennedy was pigtail pulling and kabedon-ing, Pride/Stray is straight up a big lazy cat toying with a mouse every step of the way. I really love the dynamic between an uppity hero who thinks he’s hot shit getting put in his place by a villain who finds the attempt cute. Getting to see it all happen from Morgan’s pov makes it so much better, too. His internal monologue is hilarious. Here, have a snippet.

“Oh, my god.” That wasn’t—! How could he just... He made another ill advised attempt to wriggle out of the man’s lap and onto the floor—even if it meant falling face-first and busting his nose, he wouldn’t care. His body felt too warm, not to mention every place Pride touched him felt like it was on fire. He twisted his head away from that touch and whimpered again when Pride just relocated his hands to his hips, forcing him to stop moving. “This is the most fucked up form of torture—”

“You think this is torture? Oh, kitten, you’ve got no business being in this line of work if you’re already beggin’ me to lay off.” He squeezed Morgan’s hips and rolled against him, hissing out a pleased growl. “Fuckin’ torture. I could break you in much worse ways than this. You’ve got no godly idea.”

Morgan went cross eyed. This really shouldn’t be as hot as it was, but he was twenty three and almost-sort-of-kinda a virgin, and his tolerance for attractive, mean older men growling at him was probably a lot lower than it should have been at this point in his life.

It took awhile to scroll through to find something to share. Morgan is so fucking funny so often… But I’m putting the cart before the cat, so to speak. As for the elevator pitch…

Morgan Hart wants to make it to the big leagues. He’s got the ability, the gear, the sidekick—though don’t let his friend hear that. What he doesn’t have, though, is the name recognition. In a city like Las Vegas where everyone who’s anyone is a household name, it can be hard to make an impression. So, when Morgan (alias Stray) hears about an exchange going down involving half a million in diamonds, he assumes this is it. This is the way he makes himself known.

Unfortunately for him, he ends up crashing an exchange between a gang and the most infamous villain on the West Coast, and suddenly, the notoriety he’s always wanted bites him in the ass. Pride knows his name now, and no matter how hard Morgan tries to keep one step ahead of the villain, things just don’t work out the way he intends—but then again, in the end, maybe Pride gets a little caught off guard too.

Terrible pitch because my brain is wearing thin, but the long and short of it is Morgan tries to take down a much bigger, much more powerful, and much more connected villain when he’s still meant for Weenie Hut Jr-levels of conflict. It’s adorable, it’s hilarious, and Morgan really just trips upwards with every step he takes. Turns out there are perks to being cute and hilariously incompetent, and Pride, lazy bastard that he is, both appreciates and underestimates it in equal measure. It’s hard to pick favorites when I sincerely love every single one of these vigilante-verse stories, but I think I probably had the most fun while writing this one. There’s just something about how unhinged Morgan’s internal monologue gets at certain points coupled with Pride’s slow, syrupy devastation that lights my brain on fire. Pride’s entire existence moves forward like the end result is already a long forgone conclusion. He’s a force of nature and a lazy motherfucker of a lion. His full helmet has cat ears on it. They’re both technically catboys. Seriously, what’s not to fucking love about that?

There’s one more in this series that has yet to be written. It’ll be another American one set in New York as opposed to Pride/Stray’s Las Vegas setting. It’s currently an option on my annual October novella poll on Patreon, so it won’t be written for at least another year, maybe longer. I won’t go into details on it since even I still don’t know entirely what the end result will be, but once the first three stories are out, hopefully it’ll be something for you guys to look forward to. This is a really fun universe and I cannot wait to share it with you all!

But hey, if you don’t want to wait and really want to see all three of these novellas now, consider pledging to my patreon <3 All three first drafts are up for all tiers on there, alongside many other novellas and novels and ongoing short stories. It’s a great way to help support me in between publications plus you get to read things well before they see their time in the spotlight. If you can’t pledge, that’s fine too. I appreciate the excitement and anticipation as well, and I look forward to seeing it all play out once I’m able to announce a date!

As of right now, current ETAs on publication are still in development. I’ve got to write an additional chapter for Tamsen/Vulture yet and all three works still need their time on the editing block, as well as cover art and… potentially interior art as well? I’ll be working with a new artist for this series, but you’ll likely recognize her name from every acknowledgements page since Brontide either way, so she’s not quite an unfamiliar face in regards to my work. Linden (@skelefarts) is a wonderful friend and an amazing artist, and she’s been champing at the bit to partner with me on more than just merch. She’s currently slated to do all three vigilante novellas (and the fourth, whenever that is finished) as well as two other novellas involving folklore, kitsune, and the spirit world. Go check her out on twitter (again, @skelefarts) and show her some support!

That’s all for this month. I hope you guys enjoyed getting to see what’s coming up in terms of publication, and I hope I managed to get you excited about these upcoming projects. I really had so much fun writing these novellas. I think it’ll show once you’re able to finally read them too. If you’ve got any questions about any of them, let me know! I’d love to hear about your favorite superheroes if you’ve got them, or the sorts of tropes you love to see in settings like these. Hell, I’m even eager to see what sorts of content niches you think I should consider filling with future works. Let me know in the comments, and, as always, until next time!

T.D. Cloud

#author blog #sorry this is a few days late i thought i had it scheduled to post before i left for colossal #but i guess i forgot?

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absolutebl · 2 years

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This Week In BL

Dec 2021 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Bad Buddy (YouTube) Ep 7 - Secret boyfriends subverted the seme/uke dynamic using BL tropes (YES!), we had a possible GL really take off and general good times. I’m live blogging it here.

Paint with Love (Gaga) Ep 3 - I liked this better than the previous two, both characters seemed less abrasive plus I always appreciate a good makeover montage. Got tropes like baby is a floppy drunk and the dreaded sponge bath but executed in a very grown up way, (because this is a very grown up BL, and I’m still not sure how I feel about that).

Loveless Society Ep 3 - hadn’t dropped by midday Friday so I’ll check tomorrow. I’m not fussed.

Baker Boys (YouTube) Ep 5-6 (not a BL) - I’ve basically given up on this one. I’ll probably keep watching it but with no effort to stay current or report on it here.

Love With Benefits Ep 5 fin - and that’s apparently the end. Okay? Anyway, got unexpectedly higher heat than I thought it would, which was nice, but I was still left with a terrible case of second lead syndrome (damn you, Best). This is why I loathe love triangles. 5/10 RECOMMENDED only if you have nothing better to do and don’t mind love triangles.

Between Us (YouTube) special 5 - I can’t even with these two, they are actually trying to kill us with cute.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

My Type (Taiwan indie - hard to find) Ep 7 - lost my lead on this one so now I’m falling behind.

Kieta Hatsukoi AKA My Love Mix Up (Japan - Viki/Netflix) Ep 9 - as was foretold the ep 9 that dropped and is floating around grey sites is a mix of recap + BTS footage. No one knows if there will be two more episodes or if this really was an actually ep 9, and the next ep will be billed and label as ep 10 and therefore our last one. But the latter seems more likely. There’s 2 more.

Utsukushii Kare AKA My Beautiful Man (Japan - Gaga) Ep 4 - the college years begin. And how much do I love this profoundly warped little show? SO MUCH. Starting us off with just one of those dinner theater things where you accidentally introduce your new boyfriend to his semi-abusive ex who promptly tries to establish dominance and steal him back... in front of your brother. Good stuff. (Honestly, how many subby boys who don't like nice guys have I meet over the years? SO MANY. Practically and archetype of the kink scene.) I don’t even have 2nd lead syndrome with this one, because we know Koyama doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell, because the boy likes hell far too much to even think about the snowball. You know what I like best about this show? No one but Japan could have made this. It’s just so... THEM.

Mr Cinderella (Vietnam - YouTube maybe restricted) Ep 2 - it’s really very good, I love that the Khoa, the doctor character, is openly gay and I love the sulky tsundere with reason bad boy. The doctor flirting him into complete confusion is kinda adorable. Definitely the best BL out of Vietnam so far. ALSO cutest most poetic miss caption ever...

“This feeling sounds familiar.” - Mr Cinderella

In Case You Missed It

Japanese BL Kieta Hatsukoi has rebooted its run on Viki (for most international audiences), so you can now watch it legally there as My Love Mix-Up! It’s fully eng subbed through Episode 8.

Thai BL Secret Crush on You (previously known as Stalker the series) Teaser trailer here. Starts Feb 11on Ch3Thailand and IDOLFACTORY’s YouTube channel international.

Another KBL announced: Love in Spring from WATCHA (Light On Me) a web drama that’s already started filming. Adaptation is based on the webtoon Spring of Crush by Noh Myung Hee.

New KBL coming SOON; Behind Cut (Emotion Studio and ATA) starts Dec 28, 8 episode run. Stars Park Bum Jun (also a model and drummer in Kpop band 2Z, under stage name Bumjun), Eom Se Ung (formerly of Kpop group The Man BLK), and Choo Seok Young. Described as "a fashionable love story of Gi Jin, a stylist who chases his dreams, Lee Bin, a top model, and Young Woo, a man with no big dream.

Gossip

Vietnamese BL production house, AB Studios released its 2022 line up. Letters = melodramatic and dark (teaser), Melody In Me = classic uni-style BL from a country that’s never done it before, music and baking club, 2 soft boi pairing, (teaser - July 2022), Rin = unknown (Winter 2022).

New Chinese (supposedly) BL In Your Heart. Two boys kissing in the snow on the poster which means... THEY GONNA DIE! Eh, ya know how it goes. China does not allow out gays to end happily in a BL. Not anymore. Imma watch it, of course. But don’t you dare say you’ve not been warned.

Next Week Looks Like This:

Remember Not Me, Kieta Hatsukoi, and Mr. Cinderella all air on Sunday! It’s like global BL appreciation day.

Upcoming 2021 BL master post here. I keep a full record there of everything I announce.

This week’s best moments?

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kireimarkeu · 3 years

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We Got Married; s.jh

Heyyy guys! hahaha its been a while. i decided to make a blog again so i can post my old works. so here’s one of them. i’ll upload the rest soon :) i hope everyone is staying healthy and well :)

summary; where you and johnny join a tv show as husband and wife

4k..words…

a/n: i worked on this non stop ;; i think it would total up to 5 hours, maybe more ;;;hhhh

also a little note, italics means that the emcees are saying while watching the video… and the bold+italics means that the both of you are in an interview, and the person is asking you questions! hopefully that isn’t too confusing (:

warnings: mentions of starvation & pregnancy

+Episode 1

“Hi, I’m NCT127’s Johnny,” Johnny introduced himself.

“Hello, I’m y/n, Johnny’s wife,” you smile.

“How long have the both of you been married?”

Johnny looks at you for a little while, before facing back at the camera “almost 5 months?”

“How did you know each other?”

You laugh at the question, “I was one of Red Velvet’s stylist, actually. And all SM artists were having a concert, and while I was rushing to find the right room, Johnny was there standing outside his room, on his knees with his arms up,”

Johnny groaned, “that was so embarrassing,”

“And I just saw him there, and everyone was busy, so I had no choice but to ask him for help. And when I reached Red Velvet’s room, he asked me for my number,”

“How long did you date before getting married?”

“We dated for a while actually,” Johnny started.

“8 years,” you continued.

“Who proposed first?”

You pointed at your husband.

“Me of course,” laugh Johnny.

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

“Babyyy~” Johnny whined, stretching his arms to pull you against his chest. You grumbled, hiding your face in his chest as you went back to sleep.

“Oh? We didn’t know Johnny was a very affectionate person.”

“Wake up, babe,” he whispers against your hair.

You ignore your husband’s words, tightening your grip against his waist. Johnny pressed kisses on your head, forehead and temple, waiting for you to get up.

You let out a soft sigh, fluttering your eyes open. You looked up at your lover with a pout, upset that he woke you up.

“Good morning, baby,” he mumbles against your ear, but the mic picked it up. The emcees cooed at the affection.

“Kiss?” Johnny asks, leaning down to reach your lips but you move away from his face.

You giggle at your husband when he clutched his heart, feigning pain. You felt bad and pressed your small palms on his chest to push yourself up and kiss his cheek.

“Ahh! They’re so cute!!” the emcees cooed.

You pushed yourself up to a sitting position, getting out of bed, pulling Johnny with you.

“Let’s make breakfast!”

Johnny could only smile at you dumbly, following you to the kitchen.

You pressed your back against the counter as you looked up at Johnny with a flirty smile, “what should we make, John?”

Johnny felt like his heart would combust. If only there weren’t any cameras placed in his house, he would’ve kissed the hell out of you.

“Pancakes?” he suggests.

You nodded, turning around to open the cabinet above you to grab the pancake mix. You tip-toed, trying your hardest to reach for the box, but it was hard- especially when Johnny would purposely place everything on the highest shelf.

You didn’t bother asking Johnny for help, knowing he enjoys watching you suffer, finding it cute. You also know that he would end up pressing against your back, reaching the box of pancakes mix for you.

The emcees gasped when they saw your husband reach from behind, pressing his body against your back. They expect you to freeze on the spot with red cheeks, but they were met with you moving away from Johnny to slap his butt.

The emcees let out a disappointed sigh, “I guess y/n isn’t very affectionate?” they ask Johnny.

“She usually is,” Johnny laughs, “but she’s cheeky too. It’s adorable.”

+Episode 5

The scene started with the both of you outside, holding hands quietly.

“Okay, come on, break is over, let’s continue,” says your husband as he got ready to start running.

You whine, letting go of your husband’s hand to run with him. You tried your best to match his pace, but you always end up a few meters behind him.

He looked back at your tired form. You were slouching and had a pained expression on your face. A chuckle left his lips as he jogged on the spot, waiting for you to reach him.

The emcees were curious, it seems like he was forcing you to exercise with him.

“Ah,” Johnny laughs, “y/n has told me how she wants to lose weight,” he explains, “but her way of losing weight is really unhealthy, so I make her go on a run with me.”

“What was her way of losing weight?”

“She would starve herself for weeks in order to lose weight,” Johnny clarify.

“Many of us do that,” they tell him.

Johnny nodded, “It hurts me not to see her eating, at one point we got into a huge fight because she didn’t eat for 3 days straight. So, I made a promise with y/n.”

Once you reached your husband, you pressed the palms of your hands against your knees, panting heavily. “I hate this, I hate you.”

Johnny threw his head back as he laughed at you. His hand stroking your back comfortingly.

“Just a little more, then we can get food,” he tells you.

He waits for you until you were breathing normally.

“Better?” he asks you, scanning your face.

You shook your head, “no, I don’t wanna do this.”

Johnny sighs at your words, “we can stop now, but you can only get healthy food later.”

You jut your lips out, persuading your husband to give you a chance.

Johnny stares at you with a straight face.

“Just for today~,” you say cutely. When you notice Johnny wasn’t giving any reaction, you reach for his arm, tugging on his arm, letting out cute noises. “Today is our cheat day, please Johnny?”

You pout, giving your best puppy eyes. You tiptoed to press a quick kiss on his lips, and that was when Johnny broke down and let out a groan.

“You will be the death of me,”

The emcees let out a roar of laughter.

The scene changed to the both of you in 7/11.

You had a sandwich and ramen noddle in your hands. You reached out to grab a bottle of water while Johnny was trying to find his favourite snack.

You walked up to the cashier to place the items down, waiting for Johnny to pay. The cashier suddenly spoke to you in Korean as you look up at them in surprise.

“Ah,” you start. You bit your lip, unsure of what to reply. “I don’t speak Korean.”

“Oh, y/n doesn’t speak Korean?” the emcees ask Johnny, surprised since both of you were living in Korea.

Johnny shake his head, “she knows basic words, but it’s hard for her to speak in full sentences.”

You notice that the cashier doesn’t understand you either.

Turning around, you call for your husband. Johnny’s head peeked out from the shelves.

“yeah?”

“Uh, I need help,” you say awkwardly.

Your husband trudges towards you without hesitation. You watch as your husband converses in Korean with the cashier. He suddenly fishes out his wallet to pay for the food the both of you have bought.

+Episode 9

The both of you were sitting on the floor, game controllers in hands, playing Fortnite.

Truthfully, you weren’t very good in Fortnite, but your husband enjoys playing games so you would join him.

A little yelp left your lips when you saw a character, near you. “oh my god, babe, save me!” you yell out, running away from the character who was trying to save you.

Johnny didn’t respond to you, too focused on gaming.

“Johnny! Oh my god, help me!”

One of your hand to leave the console to tap on your husband’s thigh.

“Wait, wait, I’m still looting,” he tells you.

“Nooooo,” you whine, “come save me— nevermind, I died.”

Johnny didn’t respond to whatever you said— it’s not like he heard you anyways. Your significant other continued playing the game without you.

You sulk when your lover didn’t pay attention to you. You thought he would leave the game so the both of you could restart and play together.

You got up from your sitting position to go to the kitchen to make some coffee.

Johnny quickly glanced at you when you left his side, then going back to the television that was still playing.

Should he stop playing to comfort you? It would be a waste if he left the game since he was so close to winning. There was only 1 person left. He decided to continue playing until he won.

“Ah, why didn’t you comfort y/n?” asked the emcees, upset with his behaviour. Johnny could only laugh awkwardly.

When the words displayed ‘WINNER’ on the screen, Johnny immediately got up and ambled to you.

“Babe,” he called, not getting any response for you.

Johnny bit back a smile when he saw you stirring the cup of coffee. He walked up to you, his hands going to your waist. He was about to rest his chin on your shoulder, but you walked away from him to sit on the dining table.

“Is this a fight we’re about to witness?” the emcees ask.

Johnny shook his head, “this happens all the time— whenever I would ignore y/n while I play a game,”

“Are you mad?” Johnny asks you, resting his butt on the dining table, knowing you hated it when he does that.

He pouted when he didn’t get any reaction from you.

“Babe, I’m sorry,” he apologizes, “we can play again, I’ll save you this time,” he suggests, tugging on your hand.

You look up to glare at him, “I don’t wanna play with you, you made me sad.”

Johnny wanted to giggle at how cute you were being.

“What’s that?” he asks, stretching his body to see what was in the mug, “oh, coffee, can I have some?”

Before you could even answer, he was already reaching for your cup of coffee and drinking almost half of it.

“Johnny,” you whine, pulling his arm to stop him from finishing your drink.

The emcees tilt their head, “you shouldn’t have done that, Johnny-ya”

“That was my drink,” you tell him angrily, snatching the mug from him when he pulled it away from his lips. He chuckle at you when you stood up, placing your cup in the sink before stomping into your shared room.

“Wait, why are you still smiling when you made your wife angry, Mr Suh?” the emcees interrupted the video.

The attention was on Johnny. He chuckles, “I just like messing with her, she just looked so adorable.”

“I wonder how this is going to go down.”

While you were sulking in the bedroom, Johnny decided to make food for you, just to make up to you.

Leaving you alone for a few hours, he finally finished cooking. He placed your favourite food on a tray, bringing to the bedroom. When he entered the bedroom, you were laying on the bed with your phone in hand.

When you heard Johnny come in, you turn to see him standing at the door with a tray filled with food, a cheeky smile plastered on his lips.

“Dummy,” you mumble.

Johnny walked up to you, placing the food on the white sheets.

“Spill it and I’ll kill you,” you warn him, reaching out to grab the tray carefully.

+Episode 12

The scene started with the both of you walking into a blue building. Both of you started walking around the familiar place.

“Ikea?”

You grabbed a toy monkey and showed your husband.

“Can we get this?” you ask him, playing with the hands.

He grimaced at you, “why would you need that when you have me?”

You clicked your tongue but placed the monkey back before skipping to your lover, wrapping your arms around his arm affectionately.

“Aww, they are so cute!!” the emcees cooed.

Your husband suddenly stopped, looking at a shelf.

“Is this the one you wanted?” you ask him, looking up at Johnny. Your heart beating faster just by looking at his side profile.

He nodded, “I think it’s the right size?”

“What if it’s the wrong length?” you ask him.

“Then I blame you,” he jokes.

You roll your eyes at your husband. “should we get this, then?”

Johnny hummed, nodding his chin towards the cardboard, “help me get it, babe.”

You didn’t think much of it and agreed to take the shelf that was in the cardboard. You tiptoed, reaching for the box. You slowly pull out the long box, letting out a groan when you realised how heavy it is.

“you did that on purpose, didn’t you?” the emcees asked.

After a couple of episodes, the emcees seem to realise Johnny’s behaviour around you.

Johnny nodded, letting out a laugh, “I like being there to help her, and tease her at the same time,”

“Johnny— help me,” you groan, pulling the box on your shoulder, thinking it would balance you.

From behind, Johnny didn’t budge from his position. He was content on watching you cutely carry the huge box. But when he saw you almost drop the box, his eyes widen and quickly reach out to carry the box.

You didn’t realise Johnny’s intention and pull away from the weight. You exhale, “that was heavy,” you say.

“A little,” your husband shrug as if it was nothing.

You noticed how his muscles flex and how he was letting out puffs of air.

“Should I get a cart?” you ask him, feeling bad that he was carrying everything on his own.

Johnny shook his head, “It’s fine, we’re near the cashier anyway.”

The video cut to the both of you queuing up for food. Johnny was standing behind you with the trolley.

“What are you getting?” you ask him, your eyes not leaving the menu.

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “maybe fish&chips?”

“Okay,”

When it was your turn to order, Johnny started ordering multiple dishes, making you look up at him in surprise. Your hands pinch his waist a little, getting his attention.

“Why did you order so much? We’re not going to finish all that!” You exclaim.

Johnny didn’t answer you, instead, he grabbed the food and placed it on the tray.

“I’ll finish it all, baby,” he scrunches his nose, before leaning down to quickly kiss your cheeks before finding a place to sit.

+Episode 14

The scene started with both of you sleeping on your shared bed. You had your head rested on Johnny’s chest, while Johnny rests his cheek on the top of your head, his arm wrapped around your waist protectively.

The emcees noticed that you had your whole body covered with a blanket up to your nose.

“Isn’t it hot?” they ask.

“It was raining at night,” Johnny pointed out, “and y/n is really sensitive to the cold,”

Johnny was the first one to wake up. Fluttering his eyes open, he blinked multiple times before lifting his head, stretching his arms out to reach for his phone.

“Ah, it’s almost 1pm,” Johnny mumbles to himself.

“What?! Do you guys usually wake up that late?” the emcees asks him.

Johnny shook his head, “one of our friends had a birthday party the day before and we reached home at about 4am,” he explains.

“4am?!”

He chuckles, “yeah. y/n and I are usually morning people, but that day, that day was just a lazy day,”

Putting his phone down, he let out a tired sigh. He laid on his back but kept one of his arms under your head for comfort.

He was staring at the ceiling for a few minutes before tilting his head down to stare at you.

The camera zoomed in to see him staring at you with a stupid smile on his face. His hand went up to stroke your head. He slowly leaned down to press a soft kiss on the crown of your head.

The emcees started going crazy, some letting cooing, some letting out screams at how cute he was being.

“You’re crazy for her! It’s adorable!” they all say. Johnny can only smile shyly.

You finally woke up after napping for a while more. Your hands turning into fists to rub at your eyes tiredly.

Johnny beams at you, “good morning.”

You only let out a whine, throwing your arms across his chest, hiding your face in his neck.

Johnny let out a roar of laughter, his arms that were previously giving your support went up to stroke your back lovingly.

“Come, let’s get up,” he says softly, his fingers reaching out to play with the ends of your hair.

“I’m so tired,” you mumble against his neck, sighing.

“I know, babe, but we can’t stay in bed all day,” he tells you.

He was right, you couldn’t just stay in bed all day, it won’t be good content for the show you were in.

The scene then cut to you sitting on the floor, in between your husband’s legs while Johnny was sitting on the couch, playing with your hair.

The both of you were watching a Korean drama. It was quite intense, so the both of you did not say a word to each other. Both of your mouths were wide open as you focused on the show.

The emcees laughed at both your faces.

Johnny soon got bored and focused on braiding your hair. He didn’t realise that you had started crying because of the sad scene playing.

“Oh, oh, isn’t she crying?” the emcees asked.

“I didn’t realise,” he laughs awkwardly.

Johnny continued braiding your hair. He noticed how your shoulders started shaking and the sniffles coming from you. He let go of your hair and leaned down to your side to see tears streaming down your face.

At first, he was confused. Why did you cry? Did he pull your hair too hard? Did he do something that made you unhappy?

It took him a while for him to realise the reason you were crying was because of the drama playing. He pulled away from you and started laughing at you.

He got out from the couch to slide down next to you, pulling your head into his chest.

“Aw, is my baby crying?” he said in a baby voice, stroking your head fondly.

It took you a few moments for the tears to stop. You pout at your husband as he cups your face, “it was so sad.”

He pats your head, “I know, you’re a cry baby,”

+Episode 20

You were putting on make-up, getting ready for a special occasion. You stood up from the dressing table, showing off the elegant dress you were wearing.

“Woah! y/n looks so pretty, what was the occasion?”

You grabbed a denim jacket that was laying on the bed, putting it on since it was cold outside.

“Babe, are you ready?” you hear Johnny shout from the living room.

You didn’t answer him, instead, you left the room, not forgetting to grab your bag along the way. When he saw you, he couldn’t help but admire you.

He squealed like a little boy, “It feels like I fell in love with you all over again,”

You gave him a weird look before slapping his stomach, “shut up,”

You left to grab your heels, but Johnny stood in place, awestruck by your beauty.

His hand covering his mouth as he shook his head, “I can’t believe I married the prettiest woman on earth!” he shouts, a grin forming on his face.

You turn to look at your dumb husband, “stop being weird!!” you whine, “and put on your shoes, let’s go!!”

“y/n actually brought me out on a date,” Johnny explained. “We actually haven’t gone out on a date after we got married,”

“Woah, seriously?” they ask, “and it has been almost 8 months since you got married?”

Johnny nodded.

You had brought Johnny to your favourite Chinese restaurant.

The both of you made small talk, and some point, Johnny had reached out for your hands from across the table, holding it lightly, he would stroke the back of your hand affectionately from time to time.

When the food arrived, the both of you started digging in.

“I’m so full,” you huff, rubbing your stomach.

“Should we get the fortune cookie?” asked your husband.

You nodded.

Your heart felt like it was ready to combust, your palms started sweating at the thought of Johnny finally finding out the secret you were keeping.

“Why does she look so nervous?”

Johnny grabbed the fortune cookie excitedly. He quickly cracked his open, reading out his fortune.

He didn’t say it out loud, but you already knew what it said.

“What does yours say?” you ask nervously.

He frowns at the piece of paper. “Daddy,”

“Oh?” the emcees say, surprised.

His eyebrows furrowed at the weird fortune but quickly put it away, looking up at you with shining eyes.

“What does yours say?” he asks you.

You shrug, “I haven’t opened it yet,” you mumble softly. Your fingers crack open the cookie, taking out the piece of paper in the cookie.

“Well? What does it say, babe?” he asks again excitedly.

You gulp. “it says I’m pregnant.”

The emcees scream in happiness and in shock.

Johnny fell silent, “what?”

“It says I’m pregnant,” you repeat again. You felt nervous at his lack of reaction.

He frowns, “this is not funny, y/n. what does it really say?”

You showed him the small piece of paper that you were holding. True enough, the paper did say ‘I’m pregnant’.

He looked up at you then back at the paper, then back at you again. “what?” he whispers.

“I’m pregnant,” you confess, “surprise?” you mutter awkwardly.

“Is-is this a prank?”

You smile, shaking your head, “it’s not a prank, baby.”

“There was a reason why I actually brought him out for a real date,” you tell, looking straight in the camera. “we have been trying for a baby for a while now, and Johnny has been wanting to have one for a long time,” you explain, letting out a small laugh.

“I went to the restaurant to request a personal fortune cookie and told them my plan and everything- thankfully they agreed!” you say.

“oh my god,” Johnny gasps, “r-really? This is not a joke?”

You crack up at your husband, “why would this be a joke?”

Johnny suddenly stood up, you stand up with him. He walks closer to you, holding your arms.

“I love you so much right now,” was the last thing he said before he pressed his lips on yours.

You couldn’t help but grin, resulting in him kissing your teeth instead.

Johnny pull away, pouting at you, “how long?”

“3 weeks, you big baby,” your hands going up to squeeze his cheeks.

“I literally love you so much,” Johnny express, “you make me so happy, baby.”

·̩̩̥͙＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊·̩̩̥͙

You held Johnny hands tightly as the both of you look in the camera.

“Were you surprised, Johnny?”

Johnny nodded, “very.”

You snort at his words.

“I didn’t think much of it at first, then when y/n said she was pregnant, I thought it was a joke. But I’m so happy right now.”

“How long have you been pregnant right now?”

“A little more than 14 weeks!” you tell them, beaming at the camera. You stood up to show the little bump in your stomach.

“Do you know the gender of the baby?”

You looked up at Johnny before looking back in the camera, “we wanted to keep it a surprise!”

“How do you feel right now, Johnny?”

He hum, “I think, like every other dad out there, I am excited. I can’t wait to meet my newborn and spend all my time with them,”

Johnny reached out to stroke your belly.

“However, we don’t want our child to be exposed to the world we live in,” Johnny continued.

You nodded at your husband’s words, “A world where he or she will live with cameras everywhere,” you explain further.

“So, we want to thank the cast of this show, and our fans who have shown endless support to both y/n and I,” Johnny says, “y/n and I have decided to leave the show and start focusing on us and our future child,”

“It’s a shame really,” you continued, “it was really fun filming for the show.”

Johnny nodded in agreement, “hopefully our fans can respect our decision and continue supporting us regardless.”

--END--

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descentivity · 3 years

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Depression, Trauma, (and Most Importantly,) My Thoughts on Hello Charlotte EP1 & 2

Eating has been difficult for me for as long as I remember. It started off as an aversion to food, in favour of spending my time more efficiently on what my dumb little mind viewed as more important: Homework, video games.

Over time, it turned into anorexia. I had already gotten used to eating just under 500 calories a day, and my depression took my poor habits and twisted them into a cowardly and slow attempt at suicide.

On my road to recovery, I’ve found that years of poor eating choices have lead to my body struggling to process food. I have to eat at a painstakingly slow pace lest my stomach turns against me, and the smell of food is sometimes enough to diminish my appetite altogether. My bowel movements are, for lack of a better word, a shitshow.

This brings me to today, the 10th of August, 2021. 6 or so years of barely eating enough to survive later, I’m setting the world record for the slowest consumption of a fillet o’ fish in the history of mankind.

In my absolute boredom and unfathomable stomach pain, ManlyBadassHero’s playthrough of some random horror game (I can’t remember the name) appears in my YouTube recommended, and I’m reminded of a horror game I bought on sale on Steam, the last of a trilogy. In all honesty, I only bought the game because it was dirt cheap and one of my sisters’ names is Charlotte. I was too horrified at the time to process the story nor play the previous two games, so I did a quick achievement run and left it at that. I was certainly very confused as I had no idea who any of the characters or what any of the concepts were, but the gore had me too mortified to go and find out myself.

A year later, I’m looking the trilogy up on ManlyBadassHero’s YouTube channel, and decide to start from the beginning of his Hello Charlotte journey, in 2016.

Hello Charlotte EP1

I’m going to be completely honest with you, the first game really didn’t resonate with me too well. It was a cute, quirky, RPG Maker horror game, with two loveable main characters and an interesting world. However, with context from the third game, the events felt too self-isolated and inconsequential. Felix and Charlotte are in a little self-contained TV world created by a fictional race called Pythia - creatures with 3 or 4 eyes that can create miniature dimensions, once brought into a hivemind by an “Oracle,” which seems to be some sort of god. They all seem to be falling apart and have taken a horrific turn as most of the Pythia have been “executed,” and those who haven’t have either gone mad or into hiding in their own bubbles of (albeit temporary) safety.

The ending of the game is somewhat misleading, too. Once Charlotte and Felix escape the TV world by having Charlotte merge with the Oracle itself, the game almost plays off the previous events like they were all a story made up by a young and imaginative Charlotte. Did they happen at all? Is she a reliable narrator or point of view to begin with? (Spoiler alert, she is not.) The explanation for it all seems to be that Charlotte herself is a schizophrenic, though the legitimacy of this is brought into question in the third game, which I will talk about later. Altogether, the game didn’t bring out many strong emotions in me, and I was starting to zone out as I moved on to the second game’s playthrough.

Hello Charlotte EP2

What struck me as odd in the second game is that while the first game seemed to bring Charlotte out of her own strange, black-and-white world and back into reality, we’ve found out that she’s right back where we started last game. A black-and-white world, inhabited by her imaginary friends. Aliens, gods, and the like. However, Charlotte’s seemingly made-up world feels more alive this time. I’m not sure if this is the consequence of the game developer improving their skills or an intentional detail, but even more characters are introduced, and previously shallow tenants of Charlotte’s home are given more depth. The hazmat-suit wearing aliens have faces, personalities and whole backstories attached to them, now. Charlotte has a best friend at school named Anri, who has a obsessive crush on her. She’s friends with a bullying victim named C with horrible germaphobia, who has almost identical struggles to her (more on those struggles later.)

What also surprised me is the continuity between the first and second game. For some reason, I thought that this Charlotte would be starting from scratch, completely oblivious to the fate of the first game’s iteration. However, this concept only seems to be used in the third game, so I guess I was simply mislead. This game, in fact, takes place 3 years after the first, and the Oracle still lives on within Charlotte’s conscious. However, it’s a dying god, on its last leg. It had already been dying during the time of the last few Pythia, but it had used the last of its strength to free Felix and Charlotte from their world. As the Oracle’s health declines, so does Charlotte’s mortal body.

Unlike the first game, most of the themes in this game hit way too close to home. The feeling of second-hand helplessness when someone you barely knew ends their own life. Anri’s obsessive and outright manipulative lesbian crush on Charlotte, bordering on bullying. The schooltime harrassment and trauma Charlotte underwent. The fear and dangers of social interaction. Feeling unlawfully punished by your school teachers for seemingly nothing at all. Depression, self harm, and the primal urge to escape from it. Getting roped into others’ mental health, until both of your issues converge into a disgusting amalgamation of the need but severe lack of therapy and a break from it all. Delusions of what could’ve been and the possible, yet near impossible future ahead. Looking back on everything you’ve ever done and regretting every second of it.

While I ticked off the trauma presented to me on a silver platter in the form of a fucking RPG Maker game like a twisted bucket list, I found myself relating more and more to not only Charlotte, but the students around her. Scarlett, whose life was so perfect that nobody had even thought about her possible mental issues until it was far too late. Anri, who would lay down her life for a girl who simply doesn’t feel the same way. C, who desperately wanted to escape from reality by any means possible.

An interesting fact about Hello Charlotte is that there are numerous omnipotent beings amongst its cast. They aren’t shy about providing very in-depth character analysis to Charlotte, and in turn, to the puppeteer (I suppose now is a good time to inform those who are unfamiliar with the series that the puppeteer refers to a species, character, and the player, all at once. Charlotte has a puppeteer controlling her by the name of Seth. You are/are controlling Seth as the player. Capiche? Capiche.)

What this meant for me watching Manly’s playthrough was the feeling of two gods (in this game, at least) peering right into my soul, analysing characters that reflected my exact experiences and even my personality during my school days. I learned and realised things about myself that I simply hadn’t known before. Just like Charlotte, I’m simply looking for direction in life, and I’m too afraid to act without instructions. I found myself bullied, manipulated and abandoned by someone who simply wanted my affections, and only learned to miss them when they were gone. Like Anri, my desperation for love and approval from an individual in turn lead to anger and resentment for them. Like both Charlotte and C, I eventually turned to hurting myself to make all the pain go away, refusing help from others and developing a shell of false optimism and naivety to forget about the damage I had dealt to my body, personality and relationships.

As much as I hate to admit it on my little obscure Tumblr blog with 0 followers and 0 traction, I still struggle with these things. I have no direction in life, and wander aimlessly, hoping for one of my offshot attempts at content creation to take off. I find myself missing the girl who emotionally abused me to hell and back every day. I resent another girl for never feeling the same way I felt about her. I still don’t take care of myself, and spend every day in a state of denial about my physical decline and sickliness. I’m so incompetent emotionally that I spend days ignoring my own boyfriend, starving him of the proper relationship that he deserves all because of how broken, fragmented and distant my own mind is.

Hello Charlotte EP2 has four endings. All four of them, in my eyes, are bad.

In the first, C and Charlotte overdose together, leaving their mortal realm to become gods. They choose to ignore and forget the pains of their mortal lives, and live the rest of their godly lives in ignorant bliss. Do I want to forget about my depression and trauma? Learn nothing, and forget about everything that made me who I am today? Or worse even, do I dare take the plunge into “godhood,” and leave this mortal plane to end my suffering altogether?

In the second, Charlotte discovers that C isn’t who she thinks he is, and she finds him without a soul. Alive, but empty. Charlotte could not save him. Consumed by grief, she ascends and becomes a god, consuming the entire world around her. After all is said and done, she realizes her mistake. All of her friends are gone, C is still empty and unresponsive, and now she is alone. Sometimes, I feel as though I’ve already gone through this ending, many times over. Countless times I’ve let my depression become all-consuming and take over my life. I’ve pushed so many people away and hurt so many more, and for what? I have nothing to gain from every fit of depression, and the consequences make it seem nothing more but a selfish attempt to make myself feel better.

In the third, Charlotte is the only one who dies. In her last moments, the Oracle comforts her, like a mother cradling her child. They embrace, and say goodbye to each other, as Charlotte’s own life was the only thing keeping the dying god alive. At this point, I’ve started to draw parallels between the Oracle and depression. Depression isn’t always a horrible thing that beats you down and keeps you from being truly happy. Sometimes, wallowing in my own sadness and depression would be the only thing that keeps you sane, stable, and calm. The feeling of hopelessness really is bittersweet, and in desperate times, goes hand-in-hand with acceptance of one’s circumstance. Oftentimes, I find that this is the most realistic way I’ll go out. One day, I may just accept depression, and succomb to it. There may not be a struggle at all. Rather, a quiet, submissive hum, which will fade away into silence.

In the fourth and final ending, Charlotte and C die alongside each other. After her death, Charlotte confronts the Oracle, and wishes to save everyone, and for everyone to be unhappy. Of course, this is where the classic saying: “Be careful what you wish for” comes in. Because of her wish, everyone’s soul, what makes them individual and unique, is erased. After all, no one can suffer if they cannot think at all. In some ways, emptiness is pure bliss. This once again goes back to the bittersweetness of depression. The sheer emptiness it may bring on, at times, is bliss. Feeling nothing isn’t always a bad thing. It’s a way to cope with the horrors of the world. To remember nothing at all is such a tempting yet unattainable solution that I can’t say I haven’t longed for in the near or distant past. Charlotte, of course, is distraught that her friends are all gone, their identities and souls lost forever. Following this, she has one request to make of another god, the observer. She wishes to be killed, as all of her actions have lead to nothing but pain for others and herself. The observer, however, refuses this offer. Instead, he comforts her and takes her hand. They go on a journey together. He suggests that one day, she’ll learn to control her power, and she can recreate the world and her friends. As they leave, Charlotte reflects on her hopes and dreams for the journey. She hopes to learn to be kind, and not hurt others. She wants to change her ways, and become an honest, good person. Charlotte, slowly but surely, is on the road to recovery.

Putting the unsettling sequel to this game aside, maybe I could learn a little bit from Charlotte.

#tw suicide #tw depression #tw anorexia #tw self harm #disordered eating tw #hello charlotte #charlotte wiltshire #anri warhol #scarlett eyler #charles eyler #indie horror #review

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steve0discusses · 3 years

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S5 Ep 3: Apdnarg is Really Hard to Spell

Yo guys, people are getting vaccinated, the sun is parting through the clouds, and I felt so nice that I even stopped listening to quite so many throwback 00′s BTS mashups (and yet I keep clicking on these dissonant catastrophes thinking “this time it’s got to be better. This time they’ll figure it out.” and like, no. Turns out you can’t match Brittany’s Toxic with BTS’ Black Swan. You can’t do that.)

This must be a sign that things are getting better. If anything, it means my personal tastes are improving. I mean I only clicked on like 3 “Dark Academia” Playlists where I could pretend I’m some sort of spooky witch in an abandoned library with a bad music player and basic taste in classical music (like can we ban Satie from Youtube for a little while?). Hell, I might even do a prompt update to this blog!

Yeah, you heard me, I’m actually going to stay ahead of the update schedule for Yugioh Abridged (maybe. I haven’t actually watched cuz of spoilers, I just noticed the thumbnail pop up on Youtube and was like “Damn it, they came out of hiatus??? I got hurry UP.”)

Anyway, speaking of the sky parting.

I’ll have you know my bro said this is actually more like a circumcision and it was one of the worst thing I have ever heard.

We get a chance to take in this lineup of confusing and varied character designs, and Joey. who is...still Joey.

The animators probably had to hold a strike in order for them to put Yugi in the audience, lets be real. There are TOO MANY PEOPLE in this shot and one is wearing a turban where you draw every single wrap. I hope those artists charged by the line.

Tea has a subplot where she’s just very frustrated with everyone she knows. They have been traveling together for like many weeks and got trapped in a foreign country so I get it. But at the same time, it’s kind of hard to picture Tea with female friends.

Because right now you got this 12 year old child, the other duelist who does not care about anything besides cards, and Kaiba’s 3 dragon cards that we’ve all collectively decided are female.

Hell it’s almost like the writers are asking themselves why Tea is here. Maybe they forgot. There’s no more ghosts to bus, no more people to knock out with her ass with random Olympic feats. Tea’s just sidelining.

(read more under the cut)

Mokuba is a itty bit bit taller this season, and so I guess that means he can legally climb on top of the cherry picker in order to give a riveting speech.

Really says a lot about Mokuba that he is so unphased about talking to, I dunno...an entire planet of people. Kind of a shame we never see this courage from Mokuba used for anything other than talking really, really big and giving everyone around him a really hard time.

Mokuba takes a moment to dunk on Yugi Muto, as is Kaiba tradition.

And then introduce the first pair of duelists, which obviously must be between the few people in this tournament that we actually know and care about.

Thankfully, in between last episode and this episode, Yugi has figured out who his own Grandpa is. This is a relief, because Yugi is such a mess, that I was fully convinced it would take over half a season for him to recognize it. I mean how long did it take him to figure out he shares a body with a ghost? Like half a season?

Instead Yugi recovered gracefully from not recognizing his grandpa, but it’s not like he bothered to tell anyone else, so the rest of our cast is just gonna be like “Is he my hairdresser? The guy who delivers my mail? Who is this guy who made absolutely no significant changes to his outfit or voice?”

Like sometimes this show goes full Spongebob silly kid’s show and you never know when to take it seriously or not. They might be sacrificing the entire cast next episode. I really don’t know. But for now their big concern is who is grandpa??? Like an innocent card version of “Are you my Mother?”

Faced with public speaking, Yugi decides to have a melt down.

We have seen him face monsters, we’ve seen him on TV dozens of times, he’s been in multiple competitions...but give a speech? Of course he can’t do that. The kid doesn’t attend enough school to know how to do that. Them’s learning skills.

And that was when a newly assembled wife-jet spliced through the sky like a souped up razer scooter and deposited 1 fully equipped Seto Kaiba in a Buzz Lightyear jetsuit.

THE RECOVERY.

Seto always watching over his Brother, ready to save this awkward party if it kills him (and it really should, that suit is held together by two seat-belts), making sure to get on that platform before Yugi starts going off about how he’s half an Ancient Egyptian. (Ah, life before social media. You could just be hella famous and also half a dead dude and people would just not know. I kinda miss the time before I knew literally everything about everyone.)

Please admire how close those flames are to setting Mokuba’s heavily hairsprayed mane completely alight. It would be an unforgettable spectacle.

These were absolutely just random ass jet packs that Gozaburo Kaiba made to kill hell tons of people, right? Like Seto found it in the family cabin, clutched to the heart of some crispy fried corpse and was like “neat! Mokuba! I found a cool toy!” and just plucked that thing out of that skeleton’s clutches and has been flying around for months?

Like this is Seto Kaiba’s Butter Glider, right?

Seriously what type of vehicle license do you need for one of these things? RIP My ‘Seto only has a scooter license’ headcanon.

Which I’m only even thinking about because I’ve had to try and make an appt with the DMV for days to get a freakin REAL ID. I went to sleep in 2019 and I could fly on a plane. I woke up in 2021 and it’s like “Want one last screw you?” and just...can 2020 please stop screwing me over? It’s March.

Anyway, the Jet is removed soon after, so no, this is not part of his new outfit. He goes right back to his Post-S4-Trauma-Normcore.

After wrestling this competition out of his brother’s hands and confusing everyone in the audience, Roland must have gotten the memo to cut the microphone before Seto got too excited and we were quickly ushered on to the next stage of the tournament.

One sec...the BTS Mashup playlist I just clicked on did a Black Swan X 7 rings mashup and it’s the worst thing my ears have ever heard.

Holy crap. I had to actually turn down my volume. Like...Ariana Grande already has music that has way too many overlapping singing parts on it--and then lets just stick a 52-person boy band on top? That’ll fix it. Yeah. Go ahead.

Wow. Even I had to change the song and you know how much I enjoy pop culture mistakes.

Spot the Mickey but like a million times easier because it’s a Massive Dick Shaped Dragon.

Yep. That’s my grocery shopping outfit. Except maybe not a lab coat and a duel disk. Wish I had a duel disk, that would make social distancing just a hell ton earlier. Just a “Yo, only one person in checkout, please” and then bap them on the head with a propelled discuss/hologram.

Anyway, Grocery shopping/Doctor man dueled the Purple Hair Boy, and considering that Purple Hair got screen time and shook Yugi’s hand once--I think that Doctor man doesn’t stand a freakin chance.

Good. I hate him.

Also, every time he breathes he’s gonna fog up his glasses. I have experience in this area. He can’t read his own cards in the same way I can’t read my phone if I’m in the refrigerated aisle.

So the way this tournament works, is everyone has to sit in the stadium to watch the show. Kinda like showing up to a football stadium just to watch a recorded TV monitor...but then again...that is how it feels to watch a football game at a football stadium when it’s live (at least with the tickets I usually get.)

And as we watch Grandpa waiting for his competitor, we find out that his competitor (Joey) is too busy eating snacks to give him the time of day.

Why do cartoon hot dogs always have lettuce? Is that seriously supposed to be relish? Or is there a place in the world where you put lettuce on your hot dog?

Sorry, bro has just informed of his favorite hot dog order, which is absolutely terrible so I will share it with you: a Five Guys hot dog with ketchup, mustard, pickle relish, onions, mushrooms, pickled peppers, and you guessed it--topped with freakin lettuce.

My own kin. How am I over 30 and just finding out that my baby brother thinks it’s normal to walk into a restaurant with normal god-fearing law-abiding people and order lettuce and mushrooms on a hot dog?

I have fully failed him.

The rest of this episode is watching both Joey Wheeler and Mokuba have a shared panic attack while Seto does freakin nothing.

Please remember that Seto has both a jetpack and a dragon wife plane and could have easily solved this problem. But nah.

Then again, Seto Kaiba has given this crew so MANY rides, that maybe he’s tired of being the Soccer Mom for the team?

Like they don’t actually say this episode, but Seto was the one in charge of like...this entire place, do you think he made the 2 for 1 special just to get Joey where it hurts the most? Or does it actually not take any subterfuge to screw Joey Wheeler because he’s just naturally this way?

Like Mokuba wasn’t there when Joey was told “stay right here, and then we will all go together to fight Dartz” and Joey was like “I’mma save Mai from herself although she told me not to!” and then he Hella Died. But, Mokuba did see the result, AKA, Joey’s dead body being carried on the back of Tristan. Maybe Mokuba never realized that Joey died because he went out of his way to be late?

Lets do a tally of every time I can recall with my dodgy memory that Joey was threatened to be DQ’d/pretty much was DQ’d either by his own fault or no fault of his own

-When he wasn’t allowed to go on the boat to Murder Island because he was a stupid nobody kid who did not have a dueling glove

-When he wasn’t actually supposed to be in Pegasus’ tourney and was, in fact, secretly using half of Yugi’s entrance ticket the entire time

-when Bandit Keith stole the ticket that Joey got from Yugi so then Joey had to borrow Mai’s ticket although she had just used it so it really shouldn't have counted. Because, really anyone could have just piggy backed off of each other’s ticket until the whole boat went through that castle.

-When his account was hacked to get entered into Kaiba’s tourney when Kaiba very clearly told him he could not apply solely because he was Joey Wheeler.

-When he was late to his sister’s eye surgery because he got mugged by Marik’s Rare Hunters, so she almost refused to do the surgery.

-When Joey got possessed by Marik, and as Marik, threatened to murder everyone else in the tournament including both of the Kaiba brother’s who’s tournament it was, and then chained himself to Yugi Muto to throw both of them to the bottom of the ocean.

-I think there was a point when he threatened to attack Kaiba in Kaiba’s own tourney while not possessed? Like several times?

-when he got struck by Lightning and almost did not stand up fast enough after being struck by lightning, which is apparently a type of DQ in Duel Monsters.

-When he tried to save Mai from getting hit by a fireball, but then Yugi did it instead, and then so many people were standing on the dueling platform that Kaiba couldn’t possibly DQ them all.

-When he entered the restricted area of the blimp in order to hassle Kaiba into landing the Blimp, which Kaiba did not do.

-When Marik killed Joey before Joey could press the “go” button on his duel disk to play the card that should have won Joey the match.

-When he was dueling a lawyer in a digital universe but then the dice was like...weighted? So Noah had to walk over and be like “The hell is this weighted dice? This is my perfect digital world? How did you even do that?” and then Joey won because the match was no longer legit.

-When Joey yelled at Noah too much and so Noah turned Joey to stone for being a rude ass spectator

-When Mai was like “Wheeler and Valon, listen closely: do NOT murder each other” and then Joey did a murder on Valon so she was like “I guess I have no choice, I was very clear” and killed Joey straight up.

-When Joey decided to block Seto’s fireballs while Joey Wheeler WAS a playing card, somehow disrespecting both Dartz and Seto Kaiba at the same time.

-When Joey was playing cards but then got absorbed into a giant Leviathan and basically couldn’t play anymore after that.

-There’s probably hell ton of S0 stuff I just haven’t seen yet.

-This episode

And Joey runs fast for a montage of wacky things that really have no business being in a theme park. Things like this:

(remember when Bakura almost died from a rock that ended up being a balloon? It comes full circle.)

The stuff that the Kaiba brother’s think is normal and fun.

Anyway Joey fights off a bunch of hologram snakes and bats and everyone is like “Should we tell him it’s just holograms???” And it’s like wow, guys, how many times have these ‘holograms’ straight up murdered Joey Wheeler and everyone else on this cast? Too many? Because I have a google doc with so many deaths on it. 7,805,844,048, to be exact.

Anyway, he gets there with five seconds to spare and Mokuba’s like “well at least you were still entertaining while we filmed you in front of a live audience being a total spaz for 15 minutes straight, so I’ll let you go.”

Grandpa and Joey start playing, Joey completely oblivious that this is just an older Muto, while Hawkins walks up awkwardly and is like “hey guys. I’m so sorry about this.”

(welcome to my font choices, for those new here, I have to make weird font color choices to make sure it’s legible for the colorblind and also for the non-colorblind. This one is not much contrast, so I may change it up in the future, but for now, this is Grandpa Muto’s new font. I apologize to every graphic designer reading this. Please don’t tell anyone who has ever hired me for graphic design about this blog.)

What’s funny about this exchange is that after they find out that Yugi’s Grandpa is Apdnarg (HOLY my brain cannot get around the spelling for that, and I will not change it in the caps. I cannot do a ‘pdn’ ever again), they don’t stand on his side of the field or anything. Hawkins is legit Solomon Muto’s only fan during this exchange and like...damn. Way not to back your Grandpa, Yugi.

Yugi immediately strides up to Mokuba to non-confrontation-ally inform him that he has stepped over a line and Mokuba is like “what are these things you say called ‘lines?’”

According to Mokuba, Solomon Muto begged him to be in the competition so he could relive his glory days (glory days making no sense here, because the game has only been released for the past 15 years, so glory days is like...the before times that can only be referring to disgraced archeologists and Pegasus ((who is, in his own way...a disgraced archeologist, too))) and Mokuba was like

“You trained Yugi Muto, right? Hey that’s good enough for me. This drama is gold. People will eat it up. Hell yes. Don’t be afraid to abduct him a little bit. Maybe trap a couple people in a digital hellscape for a little while? Now we go by Pegasus house rules here, so fire as many lasers as you want, but just make sure not to hit anyone in the face. Oh man, we are going to be swimming in cash. Love it, Muto Sr, love it.”

But I dunno, I feel like Grandpa won’t make it past next episode. It is Joey. We kinda need him to make it past Ep 4 of the arc. If Grandpa Muto becomes the new Joey Wheeler, that will be a weird transition for this show to make.

But that’s all for today, as always, here is the link to read these in chrono order becuase there’s SO MANY that you don’t need to read backwards--don’t do it--just use the chrono tag (and I don’t know if you can add compound tags, but I did separate the Season from the Episode, so if you write S4, it should only pop up stuff from S4. I didn't’ do that to seasons 1-3 though because I just...didn’t.)

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/yugioh/chrono

And because I brought it up: here it is, the best BTS Mashup that I found on my deep dive. Like legit--this one isn’t a mess:

youtube

Most of other ones are horrible in a fascinating way. Like I’m not even a BTS fan, I think I sort of age out of that metric, I’m just bored and quarantined. And lets be real, we all appreciate a good bop when we hear it.

#yugioh #ygo #yu gi oh #photo recap #recap #episode recap #yugi muto #seto kaiba #mokuba kaiba #Joey Wheeler #Apdnarg #Grandpa muto #tea gardner #tristan taylor #professor hawkins #and then I ranted about BTS #but please don't quiz me about BTS I know nothing about them aside from the music #I actually thought there were over 12 of them because every time I see them perform it feels like an entire stageplay production of people #like a 101 dalmations situation where every time I saw BTS there were 3 new people #I assumed it was like the Gorrilaz where people just show up and then disappear in a rotation #but no. There's 7 BTS members #that can't be right #there has to be more than 7 #is this a berenstein bears situation?#how is there only 7?#I swear there used to be like 16 #and they would be introduced like here's jimin and Jungkook and red and yellow and green and brown and scarlet and black and ochre and pea #like is google seriously telling me there's only 7 kids in this band?#this is the biggest scam google has ever played on me #this weird alternate timeline that not only has an epidemic but also only 7 members of BTS

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bookaddict24-7 · 3 years

Photo

I said at the beginning of the year that I would share my reviews more on my blog instead of just on Instagram and Goodreads. I’ve been reading a lot so far this year, so my reviews will be delayed on here.

Friend me on Goodreads here to read my reviews in real-time!

___

107. Amari and the Night Brothers by B.B. Alston--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Wow, this book had more of a punch than I anticipated! I think books like this one are super important--not just because of the content, but because of the audience it's geared towards. Young readers now are learning more and more about society than a lot of us did at their age, so I think it's perfectly fitting that a book like this one is out there for kids to devour. One of the things I liked the most about this book was the allegory of racism in a magical community. Usually in fantastical novels for kids (older ones, anyway), there's this belief that no matter what you look like, the moment you go to another magical place all of your worries about racism goes away because MAGIC. But in this one, not only did our MC have to contend with the racism in her normal life, she had to face more racism in her new life, just with a new title. So many of the actions taken against her by those around her, and the comments (like putting her brother on a pedestal because he was the star of the school and calling him the exception to the rule, or one girl actively telling her that "You can take the girl out of the ghetto, but not the ghetto out of the girl) really made me think that this poor kid went from one ignorant situation to another. Not only is she trying to find her brother and solve the mystery of his disappearance, but she also has to deal with racist and ignorant people around her. Imagine calling a child evil because of something they can't control. Imagine going out of your way to ensure that they fail. Imagine you or your child hearing the things this child heard while trying to just do her best in a system that's always been made to be against her, both in the human world and in the magic world. Imagine, imagine, imagine. Another thing I loved about this book was her resilience. She is brave, and smart, and has such a big future in this new world of hers. I'm so excited to read the rest of this series as it comes out. This book was POWERFUL and I highly recommend it. Not just for the young readers in your life, but I think parents and other readers would highly benefit from reading Amari's story.

___

108. Mindy Kim & the Yummy Seaweed Business by Lyla Lee--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay, this book was ADORABLE. I haven’t read a 6-8 book in a long time and I’m thankful to my friend on Instagram who recommended these books! Mindy has to deal with not only her grief about losing her mom and her dad’s busy schedule (as well as his own grief), but she’s also at a new school in a new State where she is the only Asian student. I’ve mentioned this in some of my most recent reviews, but I love that these important topics are being discussed in children’s books. We see moments of racism in this book where Mindy is left upset, even if she doesn’t fully understand just why certain comments and actions are so hurtful. And even if she doesn’t dwell on it, a parent reading this with their little one would notice and hopefully learn if they see their own behaviours mirrored in the actions of some of these adults. But we also see moments of kindness and love as a young girl tries her best to find ways to make her dad happy. Despite the heavier undertones in this book, there was an overall feel of sweetness and childhood innocence. The ability to apologize when you know you’re in the wrong, the innocence of emotions getting away from you, and the sweetness of a daughter loving her father. This was a great read and I highly recommend it for everyone, but especially the little ones in your life who will be entering situations where books like these and their lessons are really important.

___

109. The Dead Zone by Stephen King--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

This one, I felt, held more of an emotional punch rather than a creepy feeling. I really enjoyed it! I loved the psychic angle and the MC proving the people who didn’t believe him or mocked wrong. Also, this was a King book that actually made me want to cry at the end. I didn’t give it a 5 because of some really slow moments. While I love that his stories always have a way of coming together at the end, certain scenes sometimes feel long, boring, or confusing. I’d recommend this for anyone who wants to read a King book that isn’t scary and if you’re a fan of 11/22/63!

___

110. Takane & Hana Vol. 1 by Yuki Shiwasu--⭐️⭐️⭐️

This one took me a while to read. I found that I wasn’t really in the mood to read it every time I picked it up—which is so different from when I pick up a manga I really want to read. The story had some funny bits and the artwork was gorgeous, but it really bugged me how every new chapter re-introduced the love interest. Over and over and over again. I get it: he’s rich, arrogant, and an asshole. Can’t you trust us to remember these key personality traits? But it wasn’t even just that. We were constantly re-introduced to the premise of the story. I don’t know how common this is WITHIN the same volume, but I haven’t encountered it yet—and if I have, it wasn’t as annoying as this one. I’ll keep reading the story because I’m curious, but this first volume was a bit of a rougher read for me.

___

111. You Have A Match by Emma Lord--⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

I think the thing with this book is that the cover tells a different story than what really matters in this book. Yes, there’s a friends to more relationship in this, but the main storyline is about two girls who find out they’re sisters and are trying to solve that mystery. This isn’t a romcom—the romance is a super side story to the main storyline. And to be honest, I really enjoyed it. I wanted to see why these two sisters lived their whole life separated. I enjoyed the process and the friendships created along the way. I felt for the parents, but at the same time, I felt more for the girls. There were instances where I wanted to yell at the parents because they kept putting the reveal off. This was enjoyable overall—a great summer read. Not particularly memorable, but it does what it sets out to do: makes you question the strength of friendships and what they can overcome. Also, Instagram.

___

112. Patron Saints of Nothing by Randy Ribay--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

When my friend raved about this book I was both excited and intimidated. I usually try to avoid hypes surrounding books because I go in with too-high expectations and a lot of the time, the expectations crush me while I’m reading. Thankfully, the hype is very well-deserved with this one. For me, the most important aspect of this book that stuck with me wasn’t the mystery surrounding the MC’s cousin’s death, but the character growth the MC himself experiences during the time of his investigation. Identity sounds like a pretty clear cut thing sometimes, but it’s a lot harder to know your own when you’re the child of an immigrant family. You live in a new country, get accustomed to new expectations and customs, and inevitably feel a culture shock when you’re re-introduced to the culture your parents grew up in. I saw myself so much in this MC. From my childhood to my current adult years, people have thought that they could define me and who I am simply because I say I’m this or this. But while others make a quick judgment, they don’t see the internal struggle. They don’t see you questioning yourself on whether you’re enough of this, or whether you’re enough of that. I think teenage me would have loved this book even more. The MC is constantly faced with criticism about his father choosing to move them to the States from the Philippines. The judgments and the preconceived notions of him and his family make him not only weary because he recalls how his uncle treated his father the first time he visited, but also wary because it sets him down this road of self-reflection. I haven’t read many (if any, unfortunately) books where a character goes to the Philippines. I’m so thankful to this book. I learned so much about the culture, the foods, and the struggles faced not just financially, but politically as well. I remember reading about some of the topics brought up in this book and it was extremely eye-opening. It’s so easy for us to look away because we have that privilege, but this book says, “No, look at me. I exist.” The MC, in his journey, also learns to speak up and use his voice. Not just against ignorant friends, but an annoyingly smug and verbally abusive uncle (who I hated to all hell). He also learns to listen. He learns that though not every story is perfect, they still have power. I think this is a great read for those who have one foot in two different worlds (hands and arms can be in other worlds, too). Especially if you’re trying to understand this part of you that wasn’t developed as you grew up. I’d also recommend it to readers who want to learn more about this struggle, learn more about a different culture that is more than its stereotypes, and/or want to read about a young teenager trying to come to terms with his grief and guilt.

___ Have you read any of these books? Would you recommend them?

___

Happy reading!

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meganlpie · 3 years

Text

Always Sam

Based on this request from Wattpad: Dean x demon reader the reader got turned into a demon by Crowley and is now the strongest and most feared demon now and is back for revenge and it is dean’s fault it happened because he had to choose between sam and y/n and now y/n is in love with Sam

Here you are lovelies! The first of the new requests! I do not own ANY Supernatural characters. They belong to the writers/creators of the show.

Warnings: ANGST! Mentions of death, demons, SPN magic stuff. Ya know.

Pairings: Sam Winchester x demon!reader, enemy!Dean Winchester, mentions of Crowley.

*F/N= fake name

You watched with a glare as once again, Dean rushed to Sam's side. Even as you were lying there dying, Dean went to Sam. You understood that they were brothers, but you had saved both their lives on countless occasions. But, as always, when given the choice between Sam or someone else, Dean ALWAYS chose Sam. Always. So, you accepted the fact that you were going to die knowing that, if there was a chance, you were going to haunt Dean Winchester for the rest of his life. That was your last thought before everything went dark.

It seemed like mere moments later that you heard an accent you knew very well beckoning you back. "Open your eyes, Y/N. See the world as I do." You grumbled a bit, thinking you may have been dreaming, but opened your eyes all the same. Unsurprisingly, you saw Crowley staring down at you. However, you were surprised that you were in an unfamiliar place. Everything came rushing back to you as you sat up.

"Am I-?" Crowley smirked as he continued your question, "In Hell? Give the hunter a prize. Although I don't suppose you'll be doing much hunting anymore." You glared at him, swinging your legs over the side of the bed. "Why aren't I being tortured like the other lost souls?" you snapped at him. Crowley chuckled and shook his head before conjuring a mirror.

"Because you're tortured enough, Y/N." You glanced in the mirror and blinked, only to jump back when black eyes looked back at you from a body that wasn't yours. "A demon?" Crowley nodded. Thoughts bounced around your head as everything came crashing down around you. This was the one thing you never wanted. "Sorry about the meat suit. The boys gave you a hunter's funeral. No body for you to go back to."

The very mentions of the Winchesters brought back your anger. Not at Sam. But at Dean. It was his fault you ended up here. His fault that you were a demon now instead of in Heaven or, better yet, alive! You ground your teeth as anger filled you in a way it never had before. The need for revenge was stronger than you'd ever felt when you were human.

"That's it, Y/N. Give into it." You glared at him, but he merely chuckled. "This why you're already a demon. Your anger. Your resentment. It all twisted your soul and made you into the very thing you always hated. But you have power here, Y/N. Power you never dreamed. And once I teach you how to harness it, you can do practically anything." Crowley's words sound like honey and you imagined all the ways you could enact the revenge you so desperately craved.

"What would you like to do with your new demon status?" Crowley asked. You blinked up at him with furrowed brows. There was only one answer. "Make Dean Winchester suffer."

"Perfect," came Crowley's reply with a grin.

*time skip*

It took months of planning, but finally you were ready to get your payback. You harnessed your powers so quickly and ferociously that every demon in Hell, other than Crowley, feared and respected you. But now it was time for you to return to Earth. "I'll be checking in," Crowley told you and you left.

Finding the Winchesters was easy enough. The second part of your plan was a little more difficult. Getting Sam to fall for you. After losing so many people, Sam did not fall easily. But you were determined and, to make matters better, Dean "introduced" you to his brother.

"Hey, Sammy! This is F/N. F/N, this is my brother Sam." You stuck out your hand and smiled. "Want a drink?" Dean asked and you nodded. He walked off, leaving you alone with Sam. You started up a conversation and, at the end of the night, you found yourself in Sam's motel room. That was the beginning of the end for all of you.

For weeks after that, you and Sam texted and called whenever he wasn't hunting. Occasionally, if you happened to be in the same vicinity for "work", you and he would meet up for dinner or coffee or even just a night of passion. It was never the same thing twice with him and you hated to admit it, but you enjoyed it. Still, you plans for revenge were never far from your mind. You didn't know that Dean was keeping a close eye on you.

You were out with Sam one night when it all came crashing down. Sam took your hands in his and met your gaze. "I love you," he stated so seriously that there was no mistaking that he meant it. Those words threw you. You hadn't been expecting them so soon, if really at all.

"Sam I-I-" you couldn't form the words. You were a demon. Demons didn't love. Did they? You wouldn't have a chance to say anything more though because the door was practically kicked off its hinges. "Dean?" Dean walked in with his gun pointed at you.

"Move away, Sam. That's not who we think." Sam merely stared between you and Dean. You chuckled lightly and shook your head as you looked down at the floor. "So, you finally figured it out, did ya, Dean?" you asked. You picked your head back up, flashing your black eyes.

"What do you want with Sam?!" You rolled your eyes, flashing them back to the color they were. "Okay, so you haven't figured it out. You know, for such a good big brother, your instincts were certainly off this time. Too bad. This makes my revenge a lot less satisfying."

"Revenge? For what?" Sam asked, holding out his hand to try and get Dean to lower the gun. "You mean you don't know?" you asked innocently before facing Dean again. "Tell him, Dean. Tell him how you always choose him over anyone else. Tell him that it's because of you I'm like this. You know, you could have at least left me my body to come back to. I miss my body." Dean looked confused for a moment before lowering the gun slightly. "Y-Y/N?"

"BINGO! Give the man a medal!" Sam stepped in, blocking Dean from your view. "Y/N?" Your anger melted slightly as you looked at the giant of a man in front of you. "Yeah, Sam. It's me. Has been." Sam stared at you for a minute. "But why? How is this Dean's fault?"

"You really don't know? Think back to when I died. The hunt we did. Your wounds were superficial! Dean could have saved me, but instead he chose you! He always chose you! I died angry and resentful and hurt and because of that, I came back as a demon!" you shouted, making Sam jump and causing Dean to raise the gun again.

With a flick of your wrist, you sent the gun flying. "You know that wouldn't work on me anyway," you stated as you calmed down, moving once more to bring Dean into your line of sight. "You know," you continued, "This wasn't how I planned this. I was supposed to kill Sam, but I can't do that now."

"Why not?" Sam asked. You turned to him with a smile. "Because, despite everything has done to me, you aren't him. And honestly? I…I care about you, Sam Winchester. I don't know if it's love. I don't think demons can love, but whatever it is, it's close to it. So, I have a better idea." Sam raised a brow.

"You come with me and I leave Dean here to wallow in his misery." Sam opened his mouth in surprise. But you never got to hear an answer. You felt the bullet from the Colt before you heard it. How could you have forgotten about that damned gun? You crumpled to the ground, knowing you were going to die for real this time. The only one who could save you now was Crowley and he was nowhere around.

Sam was by your side in an instant. "Y/N," he whispered, his voice cracking. You let out a wry chuckle. "See? I told you." Sam looked confused for a minute. "He will always choose you, Sam. Your life over everything, even your happiness." You groaned a little as the meat suit began dying. "You know, I think I do love you. Tell Crowley that when you see him again, okay?" you managed to mutter before the body finally gave into death.

Sam sat there, cradling the body that temporarily been yours as his eyes filled with tears. "Sam?" Dean questioned but Sam didn't want to hear it. "Don't, Dean. Just don't." Sam got up, scooping you up in his arms, ready to burn your body once again. He walked with a heavy heart as he his mind raced and his heart was torn between his brother and the demon he'd come to love. A demon that only the King of Hell could bring back to him.

(a/n: How’d I do? It’s been a bit since I wrote anything SPN. I hope you like it!)

Forever Tags: @fizzyxcustard @brewsthespirit-blog @sirkekselord @aikibriarrose @lady-of-lies @esoltis280 @stories-by-shanna-p @motleymoose

Supernatural Tags: @jotink78

#supernatural #sam winchester #sam winchester x reader #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader

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schnees-and-schnugs · 3 years

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I dont know if this is too negative for this blog (luv u tho! 💙🤍), but i really hate how ooc willow is in the comic and i hate even more how people keep bringing it up as if the comic is almost more canon than the show. You can tell they’re basically two different characters just by how weiss thinks of her (in the comic she expects willow to be emotionally abusive, while in the show she clearly just thinks of willow as absent and depressed). We stan willow schnee in this house tho ❄️❄️❄️❄

Lol it's fine anon feel free to send me schnee rants I love to see it

Honestly, I don't have experience dealing with alcoholics so I cant tell you whether willow's characterization in the comics is off or not. I've seen arguments from people saying that it's in line with how alcoholics act, that their moods can swing very quickly and it makes sense that the willow we saw in the comics is different from the willow that we see in the show. And weiss, growing up with this, probably is very good a differentiating her mother's moods and how to act accordingly.

My biggest gripe with comic willow is how much of her development pre v8 takes place off screen. When others posed this same characterization problem, eddy stated that the comics was when willow was at "her most toxic", however we don't see how she develops past that, if she did at all. We can assume her fight with weiss at the end of the comics about perpetuating the cycle of abuse was what might have triggered the change but that wasn't on screen in the actual show. Many people didn't read the comics, hence why so many watchers were confused/surprised about willow summoning in v8, and so those same people don't know about that aspect of willow's "toxicity".

And to be frank, the willow introduced in the comics really complicates the already sparse schnee family background we get. Because now not only is willow negligent, she is also directly emotionally abusive, and that just adds another issue in the family that probably won't be properly addressed in the show given time constraints and willow's place as a minor character.

Hell, despite weiss and whitley being gucci right now, they still haven't really addressed their feelings at all with each other. Of course that could be a talk they have once they're out of a survival situation so I'm not saying that it's something that won't happen ever, but if the writers want to introduce complicated and emotional themes of abuse and the cycle of abuse that they have with these characters, then they need to be prepared to pull through with it 100% since this sort of topic is very senstitive and can speak to a lot of the watchers and their own experiences. Im not condemning the writing or anything (yet, at least), just giving my general viewpoint btw.

#willow schnee #whitley schnee #weiss schnee #ask

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beevean · 3 years

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3 years of Sonic Forces, the biggest love-hate relationship of the series

[note: this is the translation of @latin-dr-robotnik’s article]

Today is an almost special day, today it’s the anniversary of a rather peculiar game in this series.

On this day 3 years ago, the (to this day) newest game of Sonic Team was released: Sonic Forces. After waiting a year and a half since its announcement (and four years since Sonic Lost World’s release), it was finally time to see what the last chapter of the main series had in store for us, and the results were… okay.

There were so many warning signs in the months before the release: a marketing campaign that was noticeably absent until the very last month, opting to focus more on Mania (let’s not forget that we still get videos about Mania even after the game’s release, not so much about Forces), which added to the uncertainty caused by the footage already available at the time, which ended up being confirmed a few days before the release, when some people managed to get the game early and streamed a good chunk of the game. While one of the leakers was just a bad player, the quality of the game itself was put into question…

A harsh reality

I’m not going to soften up my words here: for being the latest Sonic game, in a post-Generations and post-Boom era, Sonic Forces fell short of everything it tried to do (if it tried). Anything positive comes from the roots of something negative, and in the context of this anniversary, after 3 years without knowing a thing about the next game, it only emphasizes the frustration and the disappointment it caused.

Sonic Forces promised a world devastated by Eggman, an epic battle to save the world and win against a powerful enemy. However, of so many promises, not even the first one, the most basic one, was kept: it was an empty takeover, explained poorly (because they didn’t even show it, they told it through text) and developed even worse. All the potential of such an exciting world was thrown away as soon as the game didn’t even try to explain some of its most important questions (like why Green Hill was in the process of desertification); to this day we still don’t know what the fuck does the Phantom Ruby do, in Mania it has some powers, in Forces it has different powers, and it’s not clear where does it come from or if it’s more powerful than the Chaos Emeralds. It is disappointing to not be able to discover all this untapped potential, and it is so disappointing that one of the oldest works on my blog was an attempt to rewrite the beginning of the game, give it more context and a better footing to start the adventure.

This old leak dates back to 2016, when the game was barely announced, and surprisingly it ended up being real, very very real. Even the title “Sonic Wars” is true, and if you don’t believe me you can open the game’s folder and read the names that appear. Source.

The confusion and disappointment don’t end here. If you have read the mess of opinions and emotions that is my analysis of the game [translator’s note: the link is in Spanish], you may have noticed that one of the biggest questions never answered was, what’s up with the order of the levels and why is it so confusing? Between 2016 and 2017, there were some leaks and statements going around places like Sonic Stadium that confirmed that the game went through numerous changes, not just in the plot, but in the levels as well. Right now I can’t find these old posts (I’m surprised that the fandom didn’t archive them), but it was said that the original idea for Forces, then still called Sonic Wars, was to shine the spotlight even more on the Avatar, or Buddy as it was called; the decision was unanimously rejected by SEGA of America and Europe, forcing SEGA of Japan to order that the game was modified. In fact, I remember that the leak that mentioned this meeting between the SEGA branches was rather bad, with a very tense atmosphere and lots of disagreements.

This is the closest thing to a confirmation of the scrapped plot that I could find. At least it’s proof that I’m not crazy and that Forces was indeed more focused on the Avatar. Source.

The mess that is the order of the levels, the questionable presence of characters like Classic Sonic, and some of the details of one of the leaked scrapped scripts such as that apparently they considered to reintroduce Mephiles – all of this shapes the network of a mediocre game, created under the premise of “from the creators of Sonic Colors and Sonic Generations” but taking all the wrong parts of those two games, using an engine that has been proven to be less efficient than Unleashed’s and Generations (and I’m not talking about the Hedgehog Engine, which is the graphical engine – I’m talking about the game and physics engine of Lost World), and with short levels and… polarizing bosses, to say the least.

The result is a game that shows a lot of potential, but in practice it doesn’t live up to it at all, be it for its own limitations (being rushed like hell) or for a noticeable lack of attention to details; it didn’t succeed in creating a cohesive and coherent world, with levels that could be worthy of what has been learned in these years. This is the reality of Sonic Forces.

And yet...

Despite everything I’ve just said, despite all the unacceptable errors that Forces made, and despite all the terribly wasted potential… we still talk about this game.

There are many reasons. On one hand, Forces and Mania have been the latest Sonic games for 3 years now, which is tragic in on itself (Team Sonic Racing disappeared from the face of the Earth); on the other, we still talk about Forces because there is something that still attracts us to it.

It’s not the same attraction we feel for Sonic ‘06, though. Forces is not a complete, almost-franchise-killing disaster like ‘06 was, it’s not a giant meme that spread from the fandom to popular circles and internet figures such as the Game Grumps. People have been trying to fix Forces’ mistakes, but not on the same scale as projects that tries to completely recreate ‘06 with a radically different engine, or fix each and every bug in the original version. Forces is nowhere near as infamous, and so the discussion goes in different directions.

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Episode Shadow is still one of the most entertaining parts of the game, and one of the most important as well, as Shadow himself hadn’t been a playable character since… well, Sonic ‘06.

On one hand, there is a cult surrounding Infinite, one that I personally don’t agree with, and I don’t know if it’s bigger than Mephiles’ 15 years ago, but I do know that it exists and it’s still present. One of the ways Sonic Team tried to “go back to its roots” was to introduce a character like Infinite in a plot that was supposed to be “more serious”. Final results notwithstanding, Infinite managed to win the heart of a sizeable portion of the fandom, which still wishes for his return and development.

On the other hand, there is the Avatar, our personal OC with an impressive customization system, which allows us complete freedom, to the point that we could recreate characters introduced in Sonic IDW like Whisper the Wolf. What at first looked like a questionable idea, nothing more than a source of memes, ended up becoming the smartest idea Forces had, with a gameplay style that, in my opinion, retains a little of the old Adventure spirit, and even had some of the most fun levels in the game. While Classic Sonic ruined one third of the game, and Sonic was somewhat mediocre compared to his past feats, the Avatar’s gameplay style manages to keep its quality throughout the game, despite the fact that the plot keeps revolving around their presence instead of focusing on the other aspects of saving the world, which is... well, a little unfortunate.

Even I, who I’m not really into Sonic OCs, had a lot of fun recreating some of the characters.

And finally we get to the best part of the entire game: the music.

Even after three years my opinions haven’t changed much. Forces’ music isn’t perfect, it has its low moments (I feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t like Light of Hope) and some disasters (F*ded H*lls lol), but overall it has good intentions and it has some pretty good highlights.

The use of synths, as overdone and criticized as it is, was an honest attempt to follow a trend present in older games, like Sonic Unleashed, where this instrument symbolized Eggman’s influence. An interesting touch that, while wasn’t completely successful, is appreciated.

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I still say that Fighting Onward is one of the best themes of the entire game, and Spaceport as the level benefits from having it.

Then there’s the best part of the entire soundtrack: the return of vocal themes, such as the main theme, the villain theme, and some of the level themes. I cannot explain with enough words how much fans were waiting for this, and it was brilliantly handled by the advertising campaign: a preview of the instrumental version of Fist Bump, a short peek of the Avatar themes, and finally the reveal of some of the major themes. It’s not surprising that it became one of the most appreciated parts by the fans. From the iconic intro of Fading World to the subtle nod to Green Hill in Set In Motion, every theme has something that makes it stand out from the rest of the game.

But even so, the rest of the music in the game has redeemable points as well. Forces in general distances itself from the music styles previously used in the series, especially from the variety of incredible sounds of Unleashed or even Lost World; but from time to time it still recognizably Sonic, like in the half-Megaman, half-Runners Network Terminal, in the extremely epic and underrated Last Judgement, or in the always-mentioned Ghost Town (not the only “good” Classic theme in my opinion, but the first one that comes to mind). Even the remixed Zavok theme sound better in Forces than in its original version.

A love-hate relationship

At the end of the day, the only thing left I could say is that Forces is still one of the most polarizing games in the series. 3 years aren’t enough to heal some of the wounds left by the 4-year hiatus, plus the disappointment of the time, but at the same time these 3 years kept alive the memory of its best moment, the discussions about the music and the uncountable groups of fans reunited to share OCs like the fandom has always done.

In this anniversary, I thought it would be interesting to revisit a bit the peculiar relationship I have with this game, as we wait for a new hype cycle for the next game. And maybe, just maybe, that will be the moment Forces will fade from our collective memory, at least for a decade, until new fans will look back to the good and bad this game has done. And I hope that, in the future, the situation of the franchise will also be different from what it has been these last years, in a good way of course.

This is all we have left of Forces today, a game that did not manage to capitalize on its opportunities, and a game that shames the legacy of the Unleashed-Colors-Generations era; but also a game that had some genuine, interesting ideas, and a different musical direction, one that (with some exceptions) was what the fans wanted. It’s a polarizing game, it’s a love-hate relationship.

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic forces #translation #happy birthday forces #i've translated this article because it sums up my thoughts pretty well #i don't hate it and there are things i unironically like about it #but overall it was a big disappointment

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wscldier · 3 years

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okay okay i’ve watched the episode again and i have thoughts. they’re under the cut below since i can’t post original stuff without like a million personals finding my blog

note these are not in order, so pls watch the episode fully before you read

sebastian goddamn stan deserves a goddamn oscar nomination already. i felt more emotion dripping from that scene in wakanda than i’ve ever felt in my goddamn life. his sadness, his fury, his confusion, his rage and his pain. the way he’s convinced that he’s gonna hurt ayo or do something terrible and then the immediate relief he felt afterwards? the confusion at it though, he’s free but now what? he’s free to do what? seb, you are one of the most talented underrated actors right now and honestly watching that scene was incredible. the man’s ability to portray so many emotions and really make you feel with single looks is just... it’s something else. holy moses.

also thank you for showing us how skilled bucky is, like speaking Xhosa? yes. he would have learnt that during his time in wakanda and he must have picked it up FAST

z*mo is a bitch and i hate him. no seriously. guy is a n*zi in the comics, just because he did a couple of dad moves doesn’t redeem him for what he’s done

sam standing up for bucky against z*mo is just excellent. z*mo saying all super soldiers have to be eliminated and sam asking “what about bucky?” because sam knows bucky didn’t have a choice in the matter.

sam is also talking to sharon. keeping her in the loop.

as for the power broker... i honestly don’t think we’ll get a reveal on who he is. i personally believe it’s another computer that z*la downloaded himself onto ( it would explain how the powerbroker is so well connected and can text karli ) or it’s general ross ----- who back in the incredible hulk pushed for the super soldier serum to be made. i think it’s much more likely to be z*la but i’m curious to see where it goes. again, i think the power broker is going to be a slow reveal. we might not even get an idea of who he is until the armor wars movie.

karli using sarah as bargaining against sam was cold and cruel

again, highlighting that bucky is massively talented and skilled, that he actually holds back a lot when he’s fighting and he can actually run and jump and move at incredible speeds. very good. i also think it’s interesting to point out that bucky didn’t get the “true” version of the serum. so people saying he’s nerfed against other super soldiers can shut up. these guys got pure unfiltered serum. bucky got a botched version.

sam using his counselling to try and talk karli down? heck he was getting somewhere as well and fucking w*lker turns up

i knew... i knew w*lker was going to do something stupid like take the serum. i knew that it was gonna send him into a blind rage i knew it was going to make things bad.

killing battlestar? that was... i mean i was expecting something like that to be the catalyst behind w*lkers rage. but i’m still a little disappointed that even in a racially charged piece of media, the black character gets killed. maybe that was the intention, maybe it was there to highlight, it’s not for me to say, but it made me feel uncomfortable.

the dora milaje can get it. and will ayo accept my hand in marriage please and thank you.

bucky shouting “looking good john” whilst w*lker is fighting ayo is one of the funniest things i’ve ever seen in my life then him asking ayo to talk about this?

okay over the last like 10 days all i’ve seen is like people laughing that bucky can remove his arm. i am glad finally that it proved something that only wakandans with knowledge about this technology can remove it. bucky can’t slip it on and off like a fucking glove. every tiktok i saw talking about it made me groan internally

also, bucky’s anger is so justified. like z*mo is using leverage against him, and he’s pissed as hell because the wakandans have done nothing but help and save him and he promised them he’d give them z*mo and he can’t do that till z*mo gives him the information. bucky’s anger is rightfully justified and z*mo is pushing him over the edge. it’s heartbreaking to watch.

the ending was... it was... oh god. it was extremely gory and i’m surprised that the house of mouse allowed the writers to push the show that dark. whether you like it or not, that shield is sold to thousands of kids across the world, it’s on toys, lunchboxes, folders, pencil cases. to soak the symbol like that with the blood of... okay he maybe wasn’t necessarily innocent, but he wasn’t exactly guilty either is... extremely hard-hitting. like extremely hard hitting.

i noted that after w*lker took the serum i heard traces of orchestra playing the same low mechanical tune that they use to introduce the winter soldier theme. now, this might be a coincidence given that h*nry j*ckman is the music producer, but also because h*nry j*ckman is the music producer i’m inclined to think it’s not. w*lker for better or for worse is a tool used by the US government. he is the antithesis of what bucky was to hydra. the perfect soldier. the perfect weapon. whereas steve broke away from that the second he got the serum, it seems w*lker is falling down the path that bucky was put on.

i genuinely think that bucky is going to have to fight w*lker because no one else is strong enough.

sharon is around but not in the episode nearly enough. i wanted more. i’m glad though she’s being the coolest spy ever. i’m hoping we get more interactions with her sam and bucky next episode.

the shot at the end where everyone is crowding around w*lker? bucky and sam looking on? that was... haunting.

#|| OOC #the bird and the robot spoilers #f.atws spoilers

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crazy-loca-blog · 4 years

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Personal thoughts on Open Heart, Book 2, Chapter 13 (with some glimpses to previous chapters)

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

I’m really sorry because this post ended up being super long, but there is so much I need to write about Open Heart after those incredible chapters that PB has been delivering in the last few weeks that I had to stop for a moment and revisit all that has happened as well as some of my ideas about what might happen in future chapters (this is not intended to be an OH blog but seriously guys, this is the only book that gives me those “I need to write about this” vibes at the moment).

I know some people are quite disappointed for how things developed in Chapter 13… BUT… I think this chapter is actually kind of a “bridge” (just like in the songs) to introduce new plots, so I’d definitely tell you not to get desperate. One of the things that this series has taught me over time is that everything has a reason to be. Except for the cases we solve (that tend to change every chapter), the rest of the plot has its own slow pace and development, so as I’ve said before, with a third book already confirmed and in the works, there is no need to hurry things, and I wouldn’t be surprised if the conflicts are not fully solved by the end of Book 2.

For me, it was always very obvious that the huge amount of unsolved subplots in this book would have their breaking point at the same time at some point of the story. Now I’m guessing that the senator incident was just the tip of the iceberg and that there’s so much more that we still haven’t seen… so I can’t think of a more appropriate title to Chapter 13, because yes, it was a “time bomb”… and I also think this is far from over, so I’m expecting Chapter 14 to kind of follow the same path.

So right when we were waiting for our MC to show some evident PTSD signs after what happened in Chapters 10, 11 and 12, PB throws us Chapter 13 and everything that had been accumulating for a long time already and seemed to have no special meaning for the plot, exploded, which actually scares me because it seems no one is mentally capable to help the rest of the gang at the moment. So while PB dares to give these people a break, let’s try to organize this “mess” and see how I think things will go with our friends:

Aurora Emery: Everything seems to be fine with Aurora now, and that might explain why we didn’t see her in Chapter 13. But sadly, I have a bad feeling. One of the reasons why she left Edenbrook and went to Mass Kenmore was because Tobias apparently didn’t know who she was. But now that we know that June has been sleeping with Tobias for who knows how long… did he really NOT know who Aurora was when we met him at that diner? Bryce Lahela: Another character who seemed to have disappeared this week is the hottest scalpel jockey in town. Do you really think PB forgot about him? Because I’m seriously expecting his parents to arrive in Boston just to try to take Keiki back home with them (maybe during Chapter 14?). If this happens, I can already tell it will be super heartbreaking, because I don’t know if she can actually emancipate from her parents or to stay with Bryce as her legal guardian. The Lahela siblings simply don’t deserve this.

Kyra Santana: Kyra is the first of the characters who seems to have her issues solved, so I’d say she’d finally made it safe to Book 3 (unless something truly unexpected happens). We know that she is getting better (I love you Bryce!) and I can’t wait to see her become the rock of this gang. The girl has already gone through A LOT, and she is enjoying her second chance in life, so there’s plenty of advice that our gang could take from her to deal with difficult times. I’m so waiting for her character to become a central part of the healing process!

Rafael Aveiro: I think the writers are still trying to figure out how to reincorporate Raf to the story, so it’s very predictable to say that we won’t see him soon. However, I don’t know if you guys realize how HUGE this character has become after the incidents in previous chapters, especially when it comes to the relationship with the MC. No matter if you’re romancing him or not, from now on, NO ONE in this series will understand the MC as Raf does and vice versa. And I can’t wait to see how PB exploits this new and unique bound between them!

Elijah Green: Elijah is another character who seem to have solved his main issue in this book (keeping boundaries with Sothy), but it surprised me how affected he was at Danny’s funeral. I’m also expecting to know what happened with Phoebe, as we haven’t seen her in this book… where is she? What happened with that relationship? Anyway, I think it’s safe to say that Elijah has also made it to Book 3.

Sienna Trinh: Finally our BFF had the guts to stand up to Mitch. In the process, we discovered that the guy was a problem not only for Sienna, but also for the nurses and other professionals, given all the support she received. However, I’m still super worried about our dolphin partner. Even though she tries to hide how she truly feels about things, we all know she sucks at it. Danny was her LI and I can’t believe she isn’t a mess now. I think it’s the right moment for her to have a heart to heart conversation with the MC.

Jackie Varma: My feelings towards Jackie are weird. I wasn’t a fan of her “tough love” in Book 1… and I LOVE HER in Book 2 (I think she actually has the best and most underrated character development in this series so far)… but right now I want to punch her… seriously! What the hell are you thinking, girl? I don’t understand a thing of what she did in Chapter 13, but I’m pretty convinced that the presentation was fake, the Gary excuse was fake, but the money that she’s receiving from Panacea is very real. Also, who was this woman that left her so confused? She’ll have lots of explaining to do in future chapters.

Ethan Ramsey: I honestly didn’t see that coming… it was shocking, painful and heartbreaking, and I think not even Ethan knew how huge everything was until he saw his mother dying at the hospital. Now I have so many questions! Was she looking for him because she wanted help to treat her addictions? Was she looking for money to get more drugs? Did his father know about this? Was she already an addict before leaving Alan and Ethan 25 years ago, and Ethan didn’t know about it or did he block that memory of his mind? This is going to be intense, to say the least, and I think this might be some subplot that will be dragged to Book 3.

Farley: Who would have thought a few weeks ago that I would be adding the landlord to this post? Probably no one. But there is something about him that doesn’t add up. His behavior has changed A LOT, all of a sudden, and you can see he has the word “guilt” written all over his face. I personally can’t stop thinking he’s the one who sold the canister to Travis. If we go back a few chapters, Travis said that when he bought that thing he only received an account number. But the person who sold him the canister and received the money probably did see who was paying for it. He was also too reluctant to answer Jackie and the MC’s questions before being admitted… I don’t know guys, despite his case was solved quite fast (I laughed so freaking hard when Ethan said he was a PITA!) I don’t trust him at all.

Esme Ortega: We all were waiting for a chapter focused in our intern… but I don’t think we expected it to go this way. I know a lot of people are talking about an assisted suicide case, but I think there is more than meets the eye. Esme is probably the best intern this year, so I can’t imagine her making the mistake of not adjusting the dose, as well as I can’t imagine her not knowing that assisted suicide is illegal in Massachusetts. You may also think that her emotions and how she felt about Levi blurred her rational thinking, but I’m in denial. There is just something that doesn’t add up here. She doesn’t even seem to remember giving him the wrong dose. Then what went wrong? Will we have to face another trial, this time from the mentor side?

Declan Nash: Another character that I didn’t expect to write about in a post. I’m still disappointed because I would have loved to see Declan in that room instead of Bobby, Danny or Rafael. But now I can see that Esme’s case may help us to finally get rid of this guy (let’s be honest, he hasn’t been a big contribution to the development of the plot in Book 2 so he wouldn’t be missed). I don’t think he just appeared by chance in this chapter. We already know that Panacea trials weren’t working on Levi, so even though he apparently died because of Esme’s mistake, I wouldn’t be surprised if we end up discovering something HUGE about irregularities in the trial processes led by Declan, especially because I can’t remember seeing an informed consent where a patient with a severe adverse event (in this case, a severe kidney damage) caused by a study is allowed to participate in a new similar study (I might be wrong though).

Our MC: Of course I had to include our MC here. There’s so much to be explored about “Casey Valentine” that it would take a full post to analyze their past, their present and their future. But I think one of the biggest lessons that Chapter 13 left them was that life continues and people move on. Our MC is stuck on what happened and they’re making their biggest effort to keep going, but I don’t know how much they’ll be able to handle without collapsing. All of our gang is grieving Danny and Bobby, and at the same time they’re dealing with their own personal issues… and I can bet our MC will reach their breaking point when they realize they can’t do anything to help their friends because “Casey” has reached a point where they can’t even help themselves.

#playchoices #choices stories you play #open heart #choices open heart #open heart choices #casey valentine #ethan ramsey #bryce lahela #rafael aveiro #jackie varma #aurora emery #sienna trinh #esme ortega #kyra santana #elijah green #declan nash #farley #edenbrook

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