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#(for me to do a good job jamming. let alone get out of the pack first. thats INSANE!!!)

pikahlua · 1 year

Note

I love the way you write about this story and these characters, it's just so wonderful.

Other than your own meta, who else do you recommend? Any fanfics? What about video essays? I trust your opinions 🙇

There is no one who will agree with me 100% on everything, and no one will write or talk about something in the exact same way as another person. I'm sure you realize that.

I see eye-to-eye with @siflshonen on most everything in MHA, and I enjoy the different ways we often approach expressing similar opinions. @makeste has been on break from the manga as of late, but I vibe with her old metas.

@greenhappyseed @class1akids @transhawks write often about sections of the MHA story I am less inclined to examine as closely, and I regularly consider or even defer to their opinions in those areas (All Might-, Todoroki family-, and Hawks/LoV-focused perspectives).

On YouTube, Semblance of Sanity have the takes I agree the most with or find the most interesting. Next would be A Goodwin TV's takes. Blind Wave (reactions on their website) and K&K Anime have reactions and some discussions that I enjoy as well. I'm not really into any video essayists at the moment, though I think there is a lot of potential in the medium itself for good discussion. It's just harder to produce a video in a reasonable amount of time when writing and screenshots get the job done just as well, and most of the essayists I've seen have a more...power-scaling focus that I rarely agree with. (Yes, I have power-scaling opinions based in meta, and they're correct.)

Fanfics are a different beast. A lot of writers lean heavily on western perspectives, which I think is entirely valid to do for whatever type of story you're trying to write. For me personally, a lot of western-based tropes I often see in fanfic just don't mesh as well with canon-focused MHA stories, and many characters end up either out-of-character or at best something like their anime-only filler episode selves. Fanfic is often an avenue of self-exploration, and that means many good stories will reflect the writer's personal experiences more than anything. Those are enjoyable to read, but they don't scratch my itch for more content that explores the canon characterization even in shipping fics. And yes, I guess this is me being a half-hearted snob. There are just some things no one will bat an eye at that I will cringe reading merely because I know Japanese social mores a tiny bit better than most westerners (for example, I very much doubt canon Katsuki would ever get a tattoo, let alone Izuku). I never expect writers to know these things, but I can't help but raise an eyebrow whenever they come up.

I Want What I Don't Deserve (hi sifl, I'm plugging you again!) actually scratches the itch for me. Even in the moments where the author may be inserting their personal experiences or adding more depth to characters that isn't present in the manga, all these author additions make sense with the characters as they present in canon. I whole-heartedly recommend this story to Bakugou fans, Todoroki family fans, and even BakuDeku fans (there is a poetically tragic element to their relationship--though it is not the primary "ship" in the fic--and I think the fandom could use more of this specific take to spice up the ship). Plus Katsuki's opportunities for narration strike the perfect balance of self-deprecation, arrogance, teenage flippancy, and hilarity to keep me entertained for literal months now. (Fuck, just read everything by sifl, because their works reflect the care and craft they jam-pack into everything they write. Do it!)

I don't have many fics I'm currently reading or following. I feel like there was a period a few years ago when I really enjoyed the MHA fanfic world, but lately it's been hard to find anything that grabs me. I could probably use more recommendations myself.

This got way longer than I expected. Oops.

#ask pika #anon ask #[casually hides a pedestal under the chair sifl is sitting on]

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secretpostsposts · 2 years

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🐺Wanting to go back to the past 🐺

Wolf hadn't expected to defeat Jam, and become a good guy... alone. He had returned the meteorite; alone.

He was pardoned for his crimes, although he was not spared from doing community service; alone. Jam never saw them coming, neither he nor Diane, and miraculously they managed to convince the Chief of Police that Jam is the Crimson Paw.

But now he was alone, only with the good big life, no one ran away or screamed at the sight of it, in fact it was the opposite!, some greeted him and the children who saw him were excited to see him. He even got a well-paid job, Diane was very kind to recommend him as Security at the city museum; it was weird at first but it felt... Good.

But at the end of the day he returned to his new apartment, empty and lonely, with his cat, and the news talking about the "Diabolical" quartet of The Bad Guys. He hadn't heard from them in 6 months after the prision incide... of the Meteorite, so that in the end he will find out that they returned to the list of the most wanted when the reporter Tiffany Fluffit will literally tackle him at the entrance of the Museum just to get his opinion, "exclusive" if of course as if tackling people like this they were going to talk to you, what he thought of The Bad Guys and how he felt about his old team being only vile and despicable villain again.

He doesn't remember how he escaped from that woman, only that he was avoided to reporters for almost 3 days after that, only until he made it clear that he was not interested in the subject, it was that he was left alone, relatively, not even the police were so annoying when he was a criminal.

You feel like a stalker doing this; but he doesn't care, he stopped caring so long ago. I try everything to convince the police that they are good, only they don't know any other way to live!, if only they would let you talk to them; but Chief Luggins had made it clear to him that any communication would make him complicit and would not hesitate to put him behind bars.

That woman would never trust Wolf. So the only thing he had was the news, and the old address of his old home, a chill ran down his back, and a darker feeling lodged in his heart. Wolf knew that there was nothing, nor would there be anyone.

*MEOW*

"Hey, hey little friend, do you want attention?"— Wolf stroked the little on his lap—"Sorry for ignoring you Little one, I'm just thinking things over again" —he continue to play with the kitten, still rambling his thoughts out loud.

"I'm just worried you know, I haven't heard from them since— his eyes wandered and his voice froze.

"But nothing compares the one guy. ONE GUY! , I thought i could trust; stabbed me in back."

Wolf felt his chest close, took the kitten from his lap and brought him closer to himself, he rubbed against his chest and neck, purring.

"Did I do wrong didn't I?, Snake was right, I betrayed him, I betrayed them all— Wolf didn't realize he started crying—betray the only ones who were with me from the beginning, my family, am I wrong?, Snake was right?, Are we just villains in the eyes of others? — the canine recalled all the bad times and prejudices he had had to endure from some who thought he was just an evil wolf who had no right to a quiet and happy life, Diane had told to ignore them and to think about the good she was experiencing, that the good was better than the bad.

"Are constant reminder that our there, I'm just a scary, good for nothing MONSTER"

Wolf dropped the cat on the couch carefully and ran to the kitchen threw himself in front of the sink and vomited.

The frightened cat ran after its owner, meowing pitifully trying to get the attention of its owner.

Wolf on the other hand still felt as his stomach tightened and twisted, his heads were spinning, his chest felt just as heavy, hatred, fear, sadness.

Wolf felt that the world was falling on him, his whole world...

That he had revolved around his friends, his pack, his family, was falling apart, only to have a different life.

He let the water run down the sink, and dropped on the floor, Mr. Kitty threw himself into his lap a worried about his owner, unconsciously scratching behind the kitten's ear.

"They are right, a life of good is not worth it, not without them, I did this for them in part, I wanted so much a change an opportunity for the 5 of us to have a life outside of crime."— He looked at the cat on his lap—"I had to stick to the plan, nah?, it was so simple, just give the signal and get out of there with the Golden Dolphin we would all be so far away now living our lives as always, only we" —the kitten meowed—"If I had taken you with me, Snake would not agree but he would have given me the pleasure of keeping you; Snake must be so hurt, and betrayed" —

Wolf continued to cry he hugged Mr. Kitty tightly, his eyesight was distorted, he couldn't make out anything thanks to the tears in his eyes, his breathing became eradicated, crying heartbroken in the midst of the loneliness of a "good life".

"I want to go back...i woul... give... I would give anything to see my family again, a Snake... I want to go back please—his voice was hardly a whisper, just an onton of panting and painful crying shattering his chest, breaking his sore, lonely heart further.

#mr wolf #the bad guys #the bad guys dreamworks #the bad guys movie #mr snake #chief misty luggins #diane foxington #tiffany fluffit #fluffyvenom

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deadendsave · 1 year

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Todd Hodges’ Journal (1) (2023)

1: My morning was shit. I started cleaning up the bar like usual but then, just as I was about to finish up, the radio announced that LHV was just a fancy way of saying ‘rabies on steroids’ - The CDC had been keeping this all under wraps, of course. But some nosy hero went and leaked the information to the public. I wonder if he’s still alive.

2: Portland is now under mandatory evacuation. Great. Because nothing screams “safety” like cramming everyone into their cars and clogging up the roads, right? The panic alone will be enough to start a traffic jam, that’s not even taking into account all the who can barely drive under normal circumstances. What do you get when you combine a bunch of dumbass drivers with a horde of LHV freaks? A freeway feeding frenzy, that’s what.

3: Yup, I was right. Portland is burning, half of the city engulfed in flames. The roads are a mess, completely blocked off. It’s absolute chaos. And then there’s those LHV freaks - killing people left and right. The whole world has seemed to have lost its mind. Mass hysteria is spreading more than the virus, like it’s going to help anything. Everyone in Millhaven’s waiting for the storm to hit. I say bring it on.

4: Grocery stores are wiped clean, there’s no food to be found. The only gas station in town is completely tapped out, and the pharmacy shelves are as bare as Old Mother Hubbard’s Cupboard. People are panic buying up everything in sight. The world ain’t gonna make it if this is how everyone handles disaster.

5: The power’s out all over town. I installed solar panels and bought a generator a while back, that’ll keep me going. But it’s not just the electricity - the cell towers are down too. I can’t get into contact with my brother or John. Rhett I’m not too worried about, but John…

6: Major cities everywhere are evacuating now, some have declared martial law. Now things in Millhaven are going to hell too. We’ve had a few deaths, including one of my regulars who got torn to pieces right in front of the bar. I can’t say I was too fond of the guy, but he tipped well. I got my shotgun and went to check on Margaret at the bookstore, her head had been clean ripped off. She was a good friend to me. May she rest in peace.

7: There’s a big military presence in Millhaven now. I don’t trust them. I’m packing everything up and heading to the farmhouse. Hopefully my truck doesn’t get spotted, these military pricks are having a major power trip and trying to force everyone to stay inside.

8: Those bastards got John and Maddie. Linda’s with me now at the bar, and she’s completely hysterical. I don’t know what to do to calm her down. We still have no idea where Zack is. I never thought I’d find myself in a situation like this. I’m not exactly the best at dealing with emotional breakdowns. Hell, I can barely deal with my own emotions, let alone somebody else’s. But I have to try. It was my best friend’s dying wish to save his wife. Dammit John, I’m gonna miss you.

9: Rhett and Virginia just got here. I’m so relieved, my niece is only 2. Rhett and I have been making sure the place is secure. I even baby-proofed the apartment. Toddlers are even more rabid than the freaks. Delilah’s got a biting problem just like them. Virginia’s been keeping Linda company. She’s a lot better at comforting her than I am.

10: My brother and I sneak out and go hunting during the day. The freaks are staying inside houses so they don’t catch on fire. Rhett made up a game for clearing them out, now we’re seeing who can get the most headshots. I think we’ve done a better job at killing them off than the incompetent soldiers the military sent here.

11: Rhett said they’re leaving with their friends in the morning. They’ve one been here a few weeks. He said they’re all gonna gather up and set up a camp. I don’t know why he wouldn’t just stay here, you know, where there’s power and food. But if that’s what he wants, fine. Forget him. He’s a dumbass, but Virginia… I thought she was smarter than that. Bringing a 2-year-old out in the wilderness during a deadly outbreak is just about the most senseless shit they could do.

12: My jackass of a brother stole my favorite shotgun and half of my shit as he was leaving. He’s not only has he put me and Linda at risk by taking my best weapons and supplies, he’s bringing an innocent child and his wife with him. Their safety was nearly guaranteed here, out there they could get killed in a hundred different ways. I hope they all make it to their dumbass camp for Virginia and Delilah’s sake. If he ever tries to come back here, I’m kicking his ass.

13: It’s been 7 months. No word from my brother. Linda and I have been teaching each other things. I’ve been showing her how to hunt and she’s been teaching me a lot about gardening. I enjoy her company. I thought she’d end up driving me crazy but the woman’s a badass. I underestimated her.

14: I’ve been in contact with other survivors, I’m not telling anyone where I’m staying though. I’m not an idiot. Nobody’s gonna loot my shit again. I’ve been keeping myself busy by reading medical documents from the emergency room. What I saw while I was acquiring them was not a pretty sight, but I got a lot of information. I also got my hands on the mayor’s papers. A lot of money laundering was going on, not that I’m surprised. Michael’s probably hiding away in some fancy bunker and laughing at all of us right now.

15: Millhaven is a ghost town. The military has almost been completely wiped out too, they were incompetent. It’s like Linda and I have got the whole town just to ourselves. A lot of good supplies are still out there. If things continue to go as smoothly as they are now, we’ll last a long time. I don’t plan on dying anytime soon.

Todd Hodges’ Journal (2) (2039)

1: The damn LHV freaks are migrating closer and closer, now they’re infesting the sewers. This place isn’t as secure as it used to be. I’ve seen a few of em out during the day, I don’t know how that’s even possible. They’re evolving, and the burnt up ones are stronger than the others. The DCEU’s back patrolling again, Pierre’s ancient ass is still calling the shots. We’ve got a “don’t poke the bear and the bear won’t poke you.” arrangement.

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the-letter-horror-lover · 2 years

Text

Sailor Moon."

Chapter 7

Summary:

Alan Humphries is a man who has it all together - until a diagnosis of leukemia leaves him adrift, alone, and afraid.

In this chapter, Eric goes out. Rox comes into the picture. Alan has a friend. And the past is a hard thing to outlive.

Notes:

Thanks to my betas and all who give me feedback, in whatever way. :)

Chapter Text

Rox's night was good. The private dancehall was nicely full, and business was brisk. Ze was bored, doing the more predictable work. Ass antlers and nose rings paid the rent so ze wasn't going to bitch, plus the club bouncers threw the drunks out for zir. It was nice, though, when a client wanted something a bit more original and personal. Zir latest client went off with a two-hearts tattoo on the bicep that would no doubt need to be reinked with thought to the drawbacks of someone else's name permanently etched upon your body. The dance floor was full, and the bar packed three deep with people dancing and drinking as if their lives depended on it.

"Media vita in morte sumus." In the midst of life, we are in death. Now, who was here that would let zir play?

Tool Box was what Rox called 'panqueer.' All genders, all expressions, all flavors, and all colors - and Rox loved a good assortment. Ze moved out onto the floor, feeling tres bonne femme tonight - a good dye job had brightened zir hair to an arterial red, plus a splurge at MAC would make anyone feel so very New York. A new underbust corset from Vollers in a tartan ze had no right to wear any longer nipped in zir waist, accentuating zir hips and modest bust.

Ah. There he was.

Hello, you pretty man. Don't you look just as tasty as one of your own cakes.

When you did significant work on someone, you came to know a great deal about them. Simple things like a tattoo or branding design, where they wanted their piercings and which ornaments they chose could tell you so much. Eric Slingby's first design was a biohazard trefoil covering his upper pectoral and the hollow of his shoulder, a red positive sign nested in the center like the hourglass on a black widow spider. Red roses cradled a skull, scythe, and old-fashioned pocket watch, covering his right arm from shoulder to elbow - the hands of the watch rested at a minute to midnight. A work-in-progress of a magpie about to take flight and red roses adorned his left shoulder.

Rox had done all of them to Eric's specifications, and ze looked at them critically now. He really needed to come to the studio - the lighting was better for the whitework. Announcing zir presence was as simple as hooking zir fingers in his belt and pulling him in. What that man did to a pair of low-slung jeans and a black tank top was more pornographic than a gangbang.

"Rox. Baby, you are fucking up my gaydar all over the place tonight."

His voice was low and sweet, and it charged zir up. It was good to be appreciated. Rox pulled him in for a grind. "There's so much you don't know, sweet baby boy."

This time he didn't pull back or shy off, and he was the tamest thing when ze took the lead with him. The DJ did them justice, playing every low, dirty, grinding tune in the archives - and even spun The Cult's 'Sweet Soul Sister' into a fifteen minute jam that had the hookups flying fast and furious.

"Get in my chair, you pretty man. I want to ink you goooood." Yes, you did learn things about a person, like how they saw themselves when you worked on them. You learned things they didn't even know lived in their head and heart. "How did the feathers heal?"

Ze was meticulous when working on positives. They sometimes had problems with healing, and could be prone to opportunistic infections. However, Rox did zir best never to turn anyone away. What was silly and trivial to one was a matter of heart and soul to another. That lesson still lay smoking on zir own soul, raw and blackened even now.

"They did really well." Eric showed zir as they walked to zir setup. "About the whitework-"

"I want to do that in my shop, the lighting's better than in this hellhole." It was lovely, actually. Sadism and theater were not incompatible with making a living. "I need to add some to those lovely red roses, too. A little reminder of purity against the flagrante delicto of red. Come on, shirt off."

"Why? Did you want to do some more work on the pectoral?" He obediently peeled it off.

"No, I just like looking at you without your shirt on." Rox pointed to the chair. "Park it right there. Have you decided on the thorns or not?"

"I don't know. I really don't want to go into overkill, but I think that they're kind of fitting." Eric fit his large frame into the chair. "We can try a few on the right, though."

It was a basic tenet that reincarnates had no memories of their previous existence, they carried only the ghosts of memory in their deepest subconscious. Rox repeated this in zir own head and held fast to the belief.

"Small ones. Sometimes a little prick causes more damage than a knife in the guts."

"Or a whole bunch in the back. Sounds like experience, Rox." Eric's smile was as bitter as zir heart. "Been there."

"I know. I read the article in Alt.Queer magazine." Eric stiffened, eyes going hard as ze continued. "You were a side column in Rolling Stone for the federal corruption trial, but AQ was the only coverage of the assault trial. I know more about you than you do about me. I thought it was fair to tell you."

Rox took a calculated risk, telling Eric what ze knew about his past. That Buckland bastard gave him a mortal disease, then he and those other bastards broke him. It was too bad that Rox couldn't tell Eric how Buckland died. It was some of zir finest work - a magnum opus in red.

"Why?" The word came out tightly, and all of Eric's muscles were cranked for fight or flight.

"I read it before I met you, honestly." Truth. The magazine had been left in the shop by a client. "A customer wanted a tattoo based on the cover story from the Body Art Expo."

The trapezius muscles eased visibly, though Eric remained silent and watchful.

"If you want to get up and walk away, I will understand." They found him on the Golden Gate, barefoot and shirtless in February with a bottle of whiskey. Despite the years passed since then, Rox had the feeling that Eric was still a man with his toes out over the edge. "I mean you no harm, and maybe I should have told you when you first landed in my chair, but I didn't."

It was tense as Eric thought it through, looking zir over as if trying to see zir soul. "You knew and didn't say anything."

"I thought that after something like that you might want some... privacy."

Eric's smile was humorless and his eyes as empty as a pair of glass buttons. "Try dignity."

The wound was reopened, and grimly Rox set zirself to drain it. "You have that. They broke you because you were young and foolish, but you survived. Never, ever think that survival is less than a victory."

And how well had ze learned that one? Another lesson still smoking on zir soul.

Eric reached out and cradled zir face, wiping a tear away with his thumb. Shit. Ze hadn't even felt it.

"Sometimes my soul leaks." Even a sadist felt pain, and sometimes even the masochist railed at the injustice of it. "I should pack it up for the night. Unless you want to do that whitework."

"At your place."

"At my place. Nothing you don't want. But at the same time - nothing I don't want."

The way he'd touched zir, the way he moved when they were tearing up the dance floor made Rox's blood race, but at the same time he went where ze led him. This might be a massive overstep, but boldness was ever a friend and should favor zir now.

He helped to pack up, loading the stuff into the Zipcar van - and did not resist when ze pushed him up against the rear doors and kissed him hard. It was good to kiss a man as tall as ze was in heels. Oh, yes - lips and teeth and tongues. But why oh why was the passionate swain not busting the buttons of his fly? Inquiring minds wanted to know.

"Rox. You're screwing up my gaydar bigtime."

His fingers brushed the tops of zir bosoms and ze had to smile.

"Shh. Rox has a secret." Taking Eric's wrist, ze guided his hand under zir crinoline skirt and my, that opened his eyes. "I told you - there's so much you don't know."

The part of zirself that ze could not be rid of nonetheless gave pleasure, and at other times ze had rather enjoyed playing the man. A lifetime ago, Rox thought it a curse of zir origin that no surgery, nor even a demon's magic could alter zir gender to the one she then desired. In later decades, hormones could stop a beard, change a voice, and give the cutest little champagne-saucer sized tits, but that part remained. Eric, it seemed, did not mind - and he gave it a stroke that made zir purr.

"Now. Why, my pretty man, are you not busting your buttons for me? Hm?" One by one, Rox popped them free - and for a moment he almost seemed about to stop zir. "Shh. Let me play."

As if anyone was going to notice in this part of the Village. He wore black boxer-briefs, silky to the touch, and ze slipped a finger in... Oh. My.

"I put it on lockdown." Eric was redcheeked and Rox laughed in delight. "It got rowdy."

There was a 'Gates of Hell' in silicone keeping Eric's rowdy prick constrained. Rox's finger trespassed more deeply into Eric's underclothes. They were going to have such fun!

It was the first time Eric had been to Sharps - zir own studio and home in one. A huge, floor-spanning loft off Canal Street filled both needs. The Victorian-era former warehouse was redolent with the ghosts of baled tobacco and rum. The ancient floors and elaborate white plaster Corinthian columns set off red walls and faintly sinister modern furniture all in black. Theater and sadism went together like vanilla ice cream and hot fudge sauce.

"Put the chair there, pretty man, and follow me. I want the best light for the whitework." Ze rigged the natural-light lamps and arranged the instrument trays next to zir custom tattooing chair. "And the shirt can come off, too."

Alone, he was uneasy and off his game so ze simply assumed the role of Senior. Senior says and junior does, so ze simply bossed him as if ze'd never done anything different. Truthfully, Rox laid the groundwork for this from the first visit. With the needle-tipped quill in hand, Rox was authx and actrx and artisan - Eric was the work in progress, and Rox loved zir work.

"Now this is my favorite object in the whole house." Rox patted the red vinyl padding. "So many uses - tattooing, piercing, branding, bondage..." Ze smiled toothily. "I have a peg for every hole, my sweet, and one for most days of the month besides. If I'd known you'd follow me home tonight, I'd have a selection of goodies picked out for you."

Eric was not, however, staring at the chair. He was staring at one of Rox's favorites from zir own Incubus Unleashed collection - the large tentacle-formed item called 'The Rear Ender.'

"Rox? You have not only managed to confuse my gaydar and mess with my head, but also to scare the living hell out of my ass."

"Oh, pretty man - that's not for you! That's like playing Carnegie Hall - you're not going to make it unless you practice, practice, practice." Scooping up the piece, Rox put it back in the toy cabinet. "Now this... or this... maybe this..." Abstract or artistic representations were his apparent favorites, and Eric's glance lingered on one in particular. So - not really a size queen, and he actually knew where his own prostate was located. "Are you out of practice?"

Oh, the blush rolled almost to his shoulders. "Fairly out of practice."

"Mm." Taking the shirt from him, Rox hung it and configured the chair. "Here, let me make you comfortable."

Barechested in the chair, he made a very engaging exhibit. Restraints would not be a good idea at this point, so Rox began to set up the whitework materials. "Now, your magpie, I like the way the feathers came out, but I want to highlight the black with a little more white and sharpen the definition in the white feathers."

"And you mentioned something about the roses?"

The studio was a much more conducive atmosphere to in-depth discussion, and Rox was very pleased at the ideas Eric produced. He accepted the suggestion of being inked with Media vita in morte sumus, but was not sure where to put it - inking it in white around the black biohazard trefoil was one idea. And all during this time, ze touched him on the arm, the shoulder, the knee, the thigh. Jumpy at first, his reaction told Rox so much - Eric hadn't. Not with anyone. Not for a long time. The tension and desire almost made him quiver.

The touch of the needle on his skin was as sweet as kissing him. Rox made small thorn after small thorn, depicting them as hooked into Eric's flesh, the redness around the punctures more suggestive of torment than dripping blood and gaping wounds. Eric seemed to surf the sensation, his skin lightly flushed, respiration quick and light. When Rox nudged his basket with zir fingers he gave the most delicious moan. Ze just had to take it right from his lips and swallow it down.

"Be still. Behave." Rox admonished breathlessly. The boy could talk you into anything without saying a word, kissing like that. Popping the buttons on his fly and Rox slipped a hand inside the boxer briefs, teasing out the locked-down goodies in the black silicone cage. "My, my. Such a pretty toy."

The cage was very well made, and not your average cheap sex shop model. It was meant to restrain and prevent a rowdy prick from erecting as well as holding back the foreskin for the obvious reason - it made a lovely display. Rox picked up an Exacto knife from the instrument tray and smiled as the pretty thing twitched.

"Hold still for Rox, darling."

"Fuck." Eric breathed the word out but held still.

In this, Eric's prick spoke for him, a clear bead of fluid forming at the tip. Oh, ze had read him correctly. Rox cut the bands of silicone away with a nonchalant expertise, and then cut the anchoring ring from around Eric's balls. Freed, he was most impressive - thick-shafted and uncut, the glans as rosy as his flushed skin. Rox cupped his balls in zir hand, then pressed behind them with a knuckle.

"All nice and primed for me, hm?" Ze smacked the head of his prick against his belly. "Are you going to behave, or do I need to make my own arrangements?"

Theater. Rox waved the 'arrangements' at him - the stretchy red silicone ties in varying thicknesses and lengths. In short order his jeans and drawers were down around his boots - with a token tussle and some trash talk - and the ties held him very securely.

Very safely.

Rox could see the tension bleeding out of Eric, as hard as he fought to hold onto it. The poor boy. The poor wary darling. It was a lovely work, though. Eric's arms were secured and supported behind him, a thick band of red silicone held his hips still, while two others held his nicely muscled thighs apart.

"So pretty, and such a filthy mouth." If Rox's touches were proprietary, it might not be entirely theater. "You need seeing to."

Sauntering away, Rox took satisfaction in the lustfulness of Eric's gaze as ze undressed. Baring zir body had bothered Rox a lifetime ago, but coming to terms with and embracing queerness had made Rox proud of zir physique. Swinging a scythe did things to set off a pair of tits that no bra or corset-maker could equal. .

Ze dressed in flowing scarlet silk - a bias-cut sleeveless robe and nothing under it, with zir hair up in a snood. Slowly, Rox walked around the presentation, allowing Eric to look more fully.

"Pretty man, look at you." Rox walked to the cabinet and opened it, making selections from the array of toys - with special provisions for fluids. Ze kept buckets of detergent and bleach for a pre-autoclave soaking - they worked just as handily for penetration toys. "You're starving for it."

A couple of the selections made his eyes go a little wide behind the purple titanium frames, but he made no objection.

"Now, here are the Rules of Rox. When you want to pause, you shake the rattler. When you want to stop, you drop it. When I tell you to shake it or drop it, you do so or I will stop and make sure you're okay."

"Okay."

Rox placed the rattler in his dominant hand, made him shake it, and then smiled as ze took out a box of black nitrile gloves. "Now, pretty man, I am going to milk that prick of yours until you haven't a drip left to give."

The gloves went on with a snap, and an unfeigned fiendish grin; the expression of ohyes!ohno! on Eric's face was priceless. The other considerations that were inhibiting Eric simply became part of the performance. Rox had not built zir reputation by being careless or cavalier in any role, and Eric had experienced zir needles. To begin with, ze completely ignored his cock. Rox preferred to find out what other spots rang his chimes. There were fond memories of a lover who would come hard from having the backs of his knees sucked, so it paid to never rule anything out.

The lower back was a given - how many people had ass antlers there? Neck and nipples. Ears - also a given because of the piercings. Ass - naturally. Eric's sides were ticklish. Scratching his shoulders made his hips buck. And the unexpected - massaging his feet with particular attention to the heel made him moan.

Finally, Rox sat between his spread thighs, with a smug smile for the straining flesh of his prick, and opened a packet of Surgilube.

"You're killing me, Red." His voice was a low, warm murmur; almost slurred from the endorphins and hormones.

The pain that nickname gave zir was sweetness and agony all at once, because he couldn't possibly remember.

"Pretty man." Rox kissed his thigh, picking up a ribbon of silicone. "We haven't even started."

How Eric cussed like a deckhand when ze tied his balls down and apart, then beribboned the base of his cock. Then, to be fair, ze had to do the same for zirself. Eric had zir at a lovely cusp of desire, torn between simply fucking him silly and wringing him of every bit of tears, sweat, and come that he had to give. It was pure art when he fought his bonds, fountained foul language and curses, kissed Rox as if ze was his lifeline and the embodiment of angelic mercy. He felt safe enough to let loose and it was Rox's privilege to work him over.

The only balk was at the silicone sounds and urethral plug, and Rox demonstrated them on zir own equipment. "Surgical lubricant. Nothing else - it has to be sterile and water-based. Now this is a small diameter rippled sound-"

Playing with his prick was almost as much fun as playing 'how many toys can go into and come out of Eric's ass tonight?' But the best was denying him orgasm for hours until he was delirious and incoherent, burning up with the need for more than getting his shot off.

Rox regloved. "Come on, pretty Eric. You've been such a good boy-"

"Rox, goddamnit, stop being evil and fucking fuck me or I'm going to just up and fucking die on the damn table-"

Oh, so pretty. Foul-mouthed, hot-eyed, with the muscles of his ass, thighs, and abdomen flexing as his body tried to come.

"Nobody in the history of the world has died from not ejaculating." Rox smacked his ass. "Spread it, boy."

When ze had been Red, ze had often asserted that Eric's sexual orientation was 'Yes' and he did not disappoint now.

"You think you need to fuck here." Rox touched his temple. "Because you're so primed and ready here." Ze trailed a sharp-edged fingernail down his rosy-headed prick, then between his buttocks. "And especially here."

The toy Rox pressed into him was not the largest, but given that Rox was now very familiar with Eric's intimate anatomy, it was perfectly positioned for maximum stimulation. He writhed so prettily when ze loosened the bonds on his hips, breath hitching as he took the knob-shaped plug into himself and squeezed - only to almost levitate off the table when Rox twisted the bullet vibrator within to life.

Nitrile gloves and a condom were not what ze wanted to give him. Rox wanted to give him flesh and sweat, semen and blood. Ze hadn't killed Gary Buckland slowly enough for what he'd taken from Eric. Instead Rox stripped off the glove, swung astride him, then wrapped zir hand around both of them, pressing prick to prick and stroking them together.

"Rox-ahAHFUCK!" Eric's eyes went wide, arms twisting in his bonds even as he thrust into zir grip. "I- you-"

"Shh, sweetheart. No exchange." Rox's breath hitched hard in zir chest; he was as smooth as peachskin and hard as granite. "Trust Rox, baby. I'll take good care of you."

"Fuck goddamnit Rox if you're yeah going to make me come this hard then you can nf fucking kiss me-"

No need to tell zir twice. Kissing was great. Coming was awesome. Kissing and jerking off with someone else's needy prick was zir new favorite flavor. Rox liked zir bits just fine.

"I still want you to fuck me, Rox-" Eric smiled like an angel, and ze could feel the pulse at the base of his prick pressing against zir and no way to stop and didn't want to-

"B-b-brat! AH!" Rox arched and shuddered, barely in time with a cloth to catch their mess, shouting as incoherently as the man under zir.

After, once Rox freed his arms, he was sweet and nuzzly - and somewhat freaked. Considering it was his first sexual contact aside from his hand in years it was understandable. Eric felt himself a leper, mutilated, diseased - for him the idea of possibly infecting anyone was a horror. That had kept him in fear of a part of himself - sexuality, intimacy and the trust needed for both - that Gary Buckland had blighted. To give Eric some of that back was very satisfying indeed.

Rox cleaned him up and tucked him into bed fuck-drunk and softly dazed, waiting until he was asleep in the red satin to go clean up. The disposables, toys, and equipment were autoclaved separately with the toys going back in the cabinet, the equipment into sealed trays, and the trash into a medical waste container. The buckets took a solution of boiling water, soap flakes, and bleach to sit and cool overnight.

But all this busy-ness, fucking, and cleaning could give one the hungries. As Rox stepped into the kitchen, ze eyed a pigeon feather falling slowly to the window ledge.

So.

Just to be sure, Rox looked in on Eric - taking his glasses off and putting them on the night-table.

When dealing with Reapers, or even suspecting their presence, Rox took few chances and always watched zir back. The life of an outlier and rogue was precarious, and ze had made plenty of enemies in a little over two centuries. To a mortal-fleshed reincarnate, such an encounter would be quick and final - and fatal. This soul, Eric's soul, would be going with Rox when the the time came. Rox's books showed a heavy balance owed, and bringing a lost Reaper's soul home would go a long way to paying it off.

Ze simply slipped into bed next to Eric and spooned around him. This time he was frail and mortal. This time Rox would protect him. And when the next time came, maybe ze wouldn't screw it up so badly. The last thing Rox remembered before falling asleep was wondering if Ronnie and Alan were somewhere out there, too.

Sunday morning, Alan awoke and lay in bed. His coffee maker (Amazon was proving dangerous to his American Express card) kicked on, and the scent of the Pearl Street Joe blend began to waft through the apartment. Saturday had been spent holed up and thumbing his nose at the Filgrastim, taking hydrocodone-induced naps, eating, and urinating very, very gingerly.

Andrea called when he was working on his post-breakfast-at-noon cup of coffee and recommended phenaholycraphowdoyoupronounceitadine and Alan asked what it did.

"It anesthetizes your urinary tract including your urethra, but it makes your urine orange. Still, after a Foley catheter you might need it. Annabella Rose, you knock that off right this second!"

"Doggies, Mama!" Piped a little voice.

He really should not have looked up 'Foley catheter' on Google. That was a really stupid thing to do. "What did they to my... stuff?"

"Alan, I'm a nurse, you do not have to use delicate euphemisms like 'my stuff' for referring to your genitals. No doggies Annabella - all muddy. Dirty. Ick."

"Shh!"

"I don't believe it. Did you just 'shh' me?"

"Doggies wanna cookie."

"I Googled 'Foley catheter.'" His stomach did a slow flip and his stuff tried to hide up inside of him.

"Possibly not the smartest thing you could have done to yourself. There are times when you need to leave Google alone. Ma! Come get Annabella! No more cookies, you."

"How old is she?"

"Three. I love my kids, but three makes two look like general anesthesia. No Anna don't open-!"

There was a sound as if a crowd of demented tap-dancers had invaded the house. The doggies.

"What kind of dogs?" He was trying not to laugh.

"Chocolate Labradors. Three of them." Andrea took a very deep breath. "Ma?"

There was a brief conversation in Italian and the sound of the door opening and shutting again - followed by sudden quiet and birdsong. "Gimme a second."

"Okay."

There was the sound of keys, and going down a set of stairs. Then there was the sound of a car door opening, closing.

"The quietest room in the house." Andrea sighed in relief. "My minivan."

"Oh, my God. You are such a mom." Alan laughed.

"Don't laugh! It has to hold me, Carmine, the Nonnis, the kids, three dogs, one walker, Tito's soccer stuff, Annabella's stroller, and commute bags. It's got heated leather seats, cup holders, lots of room, and I even have a dvd player with a 17-inch screen." Andrea had a bit of swagger over her minivan and it made him smile. "Rainy weekends just do it to me - the kids are really active and you can only pacify them with Disney for so long. Now."

"You should be enjoying your weekend. I'm fine." He added, "The cheesecake was the best."

"Junior's. Carmine and I do date nights there. And you were not fine last I saw you."

"But I'm fine now." Alan reasoned. "I'm home, I feel pretty good, and UPS delivered my new slippers while I was out."

"Alan. You had a serious pain episode. You were in shock and a full ten on the Pain Assessment Scale." Andrea paused. "Could I ask who you were talking to?"

"Huh?" Alan frowned. "When?"

"You were looking past me, and I thought you were talking to Dr. Chowdree but he was in the room, not in the doorway. I turned to look, but there was nobody there."

"He must have got out fast. I think it was just a passerby. A younger guy in a black suit." There had been something odd about him, though. Hadn't there? "Not a doctor or anything."

Andrea was quiet for a long time. "You know. Sometimes pain makes your brain do funny things, or your brain does strange things when you're in pain."

"That sounded like it comes from experience."

"I was in a car accident when I was little. It was a wreck and I was hurt very badly."

"Did you see a man in a black suit?" Alan felt his skin break out in goosebumps.

"Yeah." Alan could hear the shiver. "And it made no sense for him to be where he was."

"I think that maybe it's a coincidence. You're right that the mind does weird things." Alan took a long drink of his coffee. "I mean, hurt - right? In shock. Scared."

"Did yours say anything, Alan?"

For a moment he thought of denying it. "He said 'Shh. You're not supposed to see me.' and then I... I guess the morphine hit."

"Alan, mine said the same thing - and when I woke up again, I'd been in the hospital for two weeks."

Alan could hear the rain start, the both of them were so quiet. "Some kind of psychopomp imprint. Afraid and in pain, maybe our ancient brains thought we were dying and our higher brains provided us with a psychopomp - an authority figure in a suit - to take us to whatever-after."

"But wouldn't it be something more traditional? I mean, I was raised as a Catholic-"

"And I was raised as an Evangelical Lutheran - a pastor's kid, no less. I don't think it has any bearing, otherwise we would have seen... I don't know." Alan got up and went to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator door and looking for the potato salad. "I mean, in psychological terms a person in pain or perceiving themselves as near death is in an altered state of consciousness, right?"

"Well, yes. The biochemical process of traumatic shock even when not followed by death causes a massive release of hormones and other substances within the body depending on the originating event." Andrea knew her stuff the way Alan knew his stuff, and he shut up to absorb it. "Hallucinations - olfactory, auditory, visual - are not unusual in the presence of severe pain. I remember some migraine and cluster headache patients would report someone being in the room with them - talking, standing just behind them or out of view, sometimes even touching them. I started nursing in an ER environment before I became interested in oncology."

As she talked, the tension went out of her voice and out of Alan's shoulders and he chuckled softly. "Look at us. We scared ourselves."

"Oh, you're right! We really did!" Andrea laughed. "I'd been carrying that around for a long time."

"Well, it's a big thing to carry around. You were a little kid. Was it a very bad accident?" Alan dug into the potato salad - it had a little grated something in it, something Dijonny, and some mix of herbs he couldn't identify.

"Yeah. An eighteen wheeler jumped the median. My dad and brother were killed, but my mother and I were in the back seat and literally blown out of the liftgate still buckled in."

"I'm so sorry." Alan was horrified that he'd even asked.

"People tell me that things happen for a reason. I never saw a reason for that."

"Sometimes, you know, I think that if my cancer happened for a reason it would make me madder than hell." Alan confided. "If someone was doing this to me, putting me through this, I'd be completely psychotic."

"I know, right? I mean, I've been a patient, and I've been a nurse, and if there was some... some agency behind all this..."

Alan let out a long breath. "You have no idea how good it feel to get that one off my chest. I'm a pastor's kid. Some part of me is still waiting for a lightning bolt."

"Alan? Anyone says that to you, you come find me and I will beat the snot out of them for being such an asshole. Then I'll tell them that everything happens for a reason."

He couldn't help it - Alan laughed until he cried. It was so good just to talk with someone, not about anything in particular, just about stuff. If asked, Alan would deny being lonely. He had what one of his teachers had called 'a rich interior life' - ignoring the fact that Alan developed that rich interior life because of the bullying and intolerance then present in his exterior life.

"When's your next injection of Filgrastim?"

To Alan's surprise, he was scraping the last of the potato salad out of the bowl. That was delicious! "Right after I put this dish in the sink, actually."

"Okay. Take your pain medication first."

"First?" Alan opened the 'fridge - the cleaning service personnel rigorously arranged his medications, and put his injectables in the butter niche. They generally came on Tuesday and Friday now, since those were days when he was out of the house for chemotherapy and infusion - leaving him the other days to huddle and recover. "Why before?"

"Because it's better to not let the pain get a grip first. What's the saying? It's more effective to unload a gun than to shoot into a bulletproof vest?"

"Andrea? That's birth control - specifically a vasectomy."

"The same principle applies!" She insisted. "Stop the bone pain before it starts."

"You're the boss." Alan opened the vicodin and washed two down with a glass of water, then took the little pre-filled syringe out of the box in the butter niche. "Can I tell you how much I hate this? I really, really do."

"Deep breath."

"Okay." One. Exhale. Two. Exhale. Three. Ow.

"Exhale."

"I'm okay." Alan put the emptied syringe in the sharps unit and chopped it.

"Shh, it's okay. Get your juice and climb back into bed."

There were just times when you had to listen to the boss. He'd showered and just put on a fresh pair of pajamas after breakfast. The bed was fresh and soft, and the new bed-lounge pillow (Amazon again - boredom, confinement, and a credit card) was super comfortable. "I'm going to get loopy."

"That's fine - loopy's better than hurting."

He could hear the seat adjusting on the other end. "Getting comfortable?"

"Heated seats and a cup holder - also? Quiet. It's a total Mommy Room."

He settled in and rolled his new bed-table into place. "Now there's an investment idea. Mommy Rooms."

"Padded. Soundproof. With a wine bar and chocolate buffet."

"Wine doesn't go with chocolate, Andrea."

"Alan, in one house I have my husband, three Labs, a seven year-old boy with soccer and dinosaur obsessions, a three year-old girl unable to hear the word 'no,' my grandmother Rinaldi, and Carmine's grandmother Capello. Wine goes with chocolate."

The rain pattered on the fire escape as they talked, and Alan realized that he was feeling muzzy and the bone pain wasn't coming and-

"Sleep well, Alan. I'll see you on Tuesday."

"... 'kay. Night." He set the phone down, turned on his side, and slept.

There were good ways to wake up in the morning, Rox thought. Showering with Eric and taking him back to bed was one of them. Ze tied him up, put his legs over zir shoulders, and then rode that boy's ass as if his mother had named him Six Flags. Once untied and capable of speech, Eric made zir a breakfast of crepes filled with strawberries, thick whipped cream, and topped with chocolate shavings - served to zir in bed.

Rox gave him an encore, and was pleased that Eric was an attentive and passionate top with stamina to spare.

When ze sent him on his way home, the little deviant turned the Walk Of Shame into the Stride Of Pride in a Sharps logo'ed scarlet hoodie under his black cavalry coat.

Now for another cup of coffee and the Sunday Times... and a black-and-white pigeon in the living room. Rox felt zir teeth go to full points and zir vision tinged with red.

"OUT!" Sang-froid had never been the thing, had it? This... invasion was the outside of enough. "Out or I have roast squab for dinner, William T. Spears!"

The pigeon blurred and then resolved into William - as ever in black and white. Perfect. Immaculate. And from the looks of it, absolutely furious.

"Grell Sutcliff, you overstep." The tone was so cold that Rox should have been able to see zir breath.

"And you have no right - I am not one of yours!" Scythespace, ever a part of a Reaper, provided zir with an axe with which to give forty well-earned whacks. "You have no say over me, no authority over me, and I give no fucks for the likes of you. NOW GET OUT!"

Mortal guise or not, ze was a god and that shout shook the brickwork. There was a fine line between love and hate, and this one had given that line one hell of a push. Where William was dripping icicles, Rox felt ze could breathe dragonfire. Evidently, Will had some sense that matters had entered a dangerous new territory - he immediately re-assessed.

"Grell-"

"-is decades dead. I am Rox Sharp. If you want to fully understand how much I had to change to survive, I am certain that that demon and the ancient would be more than willing to share their newfound understanding with you." An eyebrow twitch let zir know that both those beings were certainly on his mind, but the green-eyed monster was not idly named. "Your jealousy ended his life last time and lost two souls to the darkness. He has reincarnated, with the name no less, and that means She Who Spins The Threads has a hand in this."

Will glowered. For a cold man, his passions ran hot and deep - but deeper still was his loyalty to the Society. "With the full name?"

"Eric Ryan Slingby. He told me last night that he has a half-brother - Ronnie."

"All the same, you took him to your bed-"

And he had no right to be accusatory. "Well, at least nothing's changed there-"

"I gave you a trainee, Grell, not a playtoy-"

"And what, William, made you think I was merely playing with him?"

Hit. Score.

It gave zir a vicious satisfaction and ze dismissed the axe.

Unfortunately, ze'd also scored on zirself. Eric had loved Grell - as Senior, as lover - and Grell dumped him cold when Will only crooked a finger. Every decade after that, Grell found zirself still held in fond regard - but also at arm's length.

"I am not yours - no longer a Reaper nor your lover. Whatever you believe I owe you, that belief is one-sided at best. You uttered not a word when the elders broke my scythe and stripped my rank."

"I spoke for you." Will's jaw firmed. "I just did not at the time possess the rank or years to command their attention."

"Fat lot of good it did and not word one from you then 'til now." Rox turned on a heel and walked into her kitchen. "Let's see if we can set a new record."

If ze no longer had a scythe, words would do.

"Blast it you mad creature, give me something! The demon or the the elder - either would see your rank reinstated, your Deathscythe returned."

That was more emotion than ze'd heard from him in two centuries - and it was at least fifty years too late. "And what makes you think for a minute that I want that back? I have other satisfactions now, and the elder and the demon are paying in suffering for what they cost me."

"You know where they are?"

"Of course I do, you silly man. I put them there, and they will remain and suffer until my heart is satisfied enough to kill them. I'm in no hurry." Will's thunderstruck expression made her smile. "If you would be thought of no consequence, first be thought a fool. How handy that has been for me - even you thought me so."

"Grell-"

"Rox - short for Roxanne, when the gender still mattered to me. I have a birth certificate that says so, too. Grell was another person, and lived another life. Mourn her, if you can find it in you."

There was no reply, and when Rox turned he was gone.

There was wetness on zir cheeks. Sometimes zir soul leaked. That was all.

Chapter 8

Summary:

Alan Humphries is a man who has it all together - until a diagnosis of leukemia leaves him adrift, alone, and afraid.

In this chapter, Alan is fine - just ask him. An observer observes. Eric has a beef, and a visitor.

Notes:

Thanks to my betas and all who give me feedback, in whatever way. :)

Chapter Text

Monday morning, Alan felt pretty good. He set up the bicycle with the pannier bags, bolted a carry-crate on the cargo-deck, and emptied his backpack. The extra carry-capacity was needed. The food was gone again, and while he understood that he ought to sign up with a meal service or go to the damn grocery store, there was something so satisfying in the meals from Pearl Street. Something as mundane as meatloaf and mashed potatoes, followed with apple cake made Alan's stomach happy. It was the oddest feeling.

The Financial District was largely deserted at six in the morning, and Alan was waiting when Ronald opened the doors. "Good morning, Ronald."

"Good morning, Alan. How are you feeling?"

"Better than some, and you?" If he was wearing a fleece stocking cap and a couple of extra layers, well, it was damp and chilly.

"Awesome! One of my brews has been picked as a finalist in the Five Boroughs Brew Bash." Ronald preened. "Fire Engine Red - a red wheat and honey lager with a little chipotle."

"Congratulations - what's first prize?" Alan brought in the panniers.

"A six month brewing facility and distribution deal with Hudson Micro Partners." Ronald opened the shades and turned on the signage. "Don't worry, I read the contract. The recipe is my intellectual property, and so is the artwork. I'll go get your bags from the back."

There was a person-shaped shadow traversing the hallway very quickly, and Alan pretended not to notice. It seemed that Ronald's butch honey brother was either very shy or a dire misanthrope. Alan was pretty certain that at the moment he himself was far from being presentable, much less date material. Alan also ignored the hushed exchange of 'Goddamnit, get out there. He doesn't bite!' and 'No. I've been cooking all night and I have swamp-balls. I'm going to take a shower. Get me feedback, Beer Brat.'

There was a deathly silence and Alan nonchalantly perused the cold case.

Puddings, yes. The lentils were good, too.

A scuffle.

Caprese sandwiches - on little rosemary rolls.

"Ow ow ow ow - fucker!"

Ronald.

What was this? Mini cakes? Flourless chocolate. Strawberries with cream and chocolate shavings. Cup tiramisu. Cookies? Spice dusted sugar cookies. Chocolate chip. Chocolate-chip-cherry oatmeal. Sour cherry mini pies. Peach mini pies. Pile. He really should get some soups. It was dreary as hell with all the rain. Tomato-basil. A rich cream of mixed mushrooms. Matzo ball - that was for tomorrow. Cioppino - with garlic bread.

"Curried butternut." Came the hiss from the hallway.

The large shadow was halfway down the hall, and Alan took a position between the cold case and the counter.

"No butternut soup. It's always too sweet - it's like drinking pumpkin pie." Alan replied.

"You have nine different desserts and let's talk about sweet. It's curried, not sugared." A gruff baritone, and somewhat indignant.

"Eric, move your ass." Ronald came out bearing three bags and the shadow beat a retreat down the hallway, and from the footsteps, apparently up the stairs.

The disappointed puppy face was back, both for Alan and Mr. Curried Butternut The Hot Butch Honey.

"Ronald-"

"You think he's cute, though! And he's checked you out a few times, but he's got his head all up his ass."

Wait. He'd been checked out by-? Never mind.

"Ronald, anyone laying eyes on him would think he's very handsome. I'd lay off calling him cute, however, unless you want to be noogied or dodging flung pies until you're thirty." Alan opened his wallet, smiling. "Now, I've added to the pile-"

A sigh. "He only acts like a gruff asshole - it's a front. Try the curried butternut?"

Alan gave into the fate's decree and added the curried butternut squash soup to the pile, then extracted two folded sheets of paper and handed it to Ronald. "Feedback."

It was exacting, too. The chef liked the spicy and was mostly subtle about it, but there were some very complex blends. Further, he was a rank hedonist when it came to deserts; he favored sensual but simply presented confections that seduced from the plate. However, considering some of the complex seasoning of the entrees, perhaps that was intentional. There was a quibble about the salt (too little) and the fennel (good Lord) in the bouillabaisse. The seasoning in the vegetable dishes was amazing - anything with potatoes Alan would willingly eat a bucketful.

Ronald was reading and chuckling. "Oh, he's going to have a ball with this! Expect rebuttal."

"Where did he train? Some of the seasonings say France, but others say Spain." Alan started distributing the haul as Ronald rang him up. "There's almost Cajun or Creole influence, too. Very Caribbean but with Mediterranean, too."

"Well, we grew up moving around pretty often - Paris, Berlin, Milan, London, Amsterdam, Vienna, Chicago, Atlanta, Miami. Eric has been cooking since I can remember." Ronald smiled. "He bounced around a lot, too. Miami, Aspen, Atlanta, Sun Valley, Myrtle Beach, New Orleans, San Francisco. He could chef anywhere."

"He's very talented, and he has his own kitchen so he can cook as he pleases. That's pretty unusual for a younger chef."

The Pearl Street Kitchen had only been open for a few months when Alan bought his place on Broad Street. It became his instant, every morning stop on the way to work.

For a moment, Ronald looked sad. "He's a good guy. Don't be put off."

"I'm not. I think that maybe your brother and I are just not good with people we don't know well." Alan admitted as he signed the receipt and added a comfortable tip. "I never have been, really."

"I know how to fix that!" Ronald's sunny demeanor came back from behind whatever cloud had dimmed it. "You guys should come with me to the Beer Bash on Saturday night."

Alan hated to shut him down. "I'll have to see how I'm feeling, and this thing throws so many change-ups that it's hard to make plans. Thanks for thinking of me, though."

He was in week three, and as hard as Alan was trying to handle it, he was deeply afraid that he was not. Andrea could only so so much as a professional and a person - she should not be lumbered with him in her off hours.

Back home, Alan answered some email from the office. His superiors checked in every Monday and Thursday morning with questions, and his salary was deposited like clockwork on Friday mornings. Several of his own investments were ripe for flipping, though until Alan had a better idea of his own physical condition, he really did not want to make a long term plan. As it was, he needed to rethink his longer-term strategies - or did he?

Was the chemotherapy working? What was scheduled for intensification phase? After this Friday he had only one more induction-phase session. It was frustrating, frightening, not to have something quantitative. Then there was the way he felt physically - always cold, tired, sometimes feverish, achy. After the anti-nausea and anti-anxiety meds wore off from a Friday infusion, he felt simultaneously nauseated and exhausted until Monday morning, then fatigued and doped up after Filgrastim left him crappy in general until Thursday.

"Stop. Breathe." Alan rested his forehead on the granite countertop. "Breathe. Don't wind up."

Alone with his thoughts was turning out to be the worst of all possible places.

Time to do things before the vicodin and the Filgrastim laid him out.

Yoga on the Wii. He'd only started a week ago, but if he did the whole program he felt about like he did after a good twenty laps. Squash on the Wii was not as impressive - Alan had a definite desire to get in there and smash, but playing on a digital court was just not very satisfying. He still had two more 'exercise and fitness' packs to evaluate this week - one that included strength training and pilates and the other a general racquet sports package.

Doing things kept him from introspection, and that was good because panic attacks quite frankly sucked - and not in the good, wet way. Ativan knocked them down, mostly by knocking him down, and when combined with the vicodin, Alan was worried about developing a massive pair of addictions. Then there was 'chemo brain' - what if that happened and he was stupid from tranks and painkillers? What if he already had it and didn't know it.

Alan. Shut the fuck up and do some yoga.

Anything to take his mind off the current reality.

And, at times, that included stray thoughts of a hot butch honey in chef's whites.

Who had been checking him out.

When he stopped to think about it, it made him blush.

"Come on. You're twenty-eight. You've had lovers, boyfriends, and one-nighters. Get over it."

Alan did not think he was all that, but he was swimmer-fit and dressed well. The lovers and boyfriends left because they hated his hours. Flings and hookups were less demanding, but sitting here alone on the living room floor with the Wii's balance board, Alan wondered if maybe his energy and attention should not have been more... evenly distributed? Honestly, he hadn't felt alone or lonely before this. There was too much to do, places to go, and things to see. There was a world out there, and Alan wanted to live in it.

He could get a dog. Or a cat.

But what if he-?

"Yoga, Alan. Do not brain. Yoga."

And he did. It was harder than he imagined when he picked out the game, but it did keep his body too busy for his mind to start shenanigans. Then the doses of Ativan and vicodin wiped him out for the rest of the day - leaving him little to do but sleep and vegetate. He couldn't even read, much less play his violin, or follow a simple recipe. This was why he hated the medication - it turned him into an idiot.

All he could hope was that his neutrophils would get with the program and no more Filgrastim.

There was an email from his brother - sent to his work account, not his personal - doing what Teddy called 'Laying Down The Law.' Mostly this consisted of telling Alan to put his affairs in order, designate Dad as next-of-kin, and grant Ted power-of-attorney, and how to get right with the Lord. Alan wrote back with his attorney's name, number, and address with a directive to cease and desist. He should not have called in that vulnerable moment, as telling anyone in his family anything had never yielded any result other than a complete shitstorm.

A quick call to his attorney resulted in a return call from Mr. Conti, and Alan's reassurances that treatment was going well (without really defining that term). In turn, Mr. Conti reassured Alan that the firm would safeguard his privacy. After that, Alan was - all things considered - glad to take his medications, change back into his pajamas, and go to bed at one in the afternoon.

The next morning was an infusion day, but a short one. Alan packed just a couple of snacks and juices, his reader, medicines, and warm socks. Carmine picked him up at eight, and agreed that oatmeal-cherry-chocolate-chunk cookies were breakfast - they even had eggs. Alan split his cookie ration because eating four cookies for breakfast was vaguely naughty, and he wanted to meet Andrea with a clear conscience.

"Man, these are good! Where do you get them?" Carmine had a blissful expression as he dunked the rest of the cookie in his coffee.

"The Pearl Street Kitchen. It's my favorite local place." A three-story brownstone on a narrow horse-carriage street, found only when he was taking a direct walking route to work. "Everything's fresh every day."

"I'm going to check them out for sure. What else have they got?"

Alan was more than happy to tell him. "I hate meatloaf - and I love their meatloaf! No joke. And the soups are delicious - you just need to add salt, the chef undersalts on purpose."

"Oh, man. I'm hungry now."

Another meeting with this panel of doctors was another exercise in headbutting, and Alan dug in on the ANC. He didn't want to hear anything until that bloodwork was back with the neutrophil count - because when his second >1,000 microliters neutrophil level came back, he was quitting that stuff so fast-

"You think it's so wonderful, you can sign up for it." Alan snapped. "I'm the one who ended up Googling 'Foley catheter' on Sunday morning when I was turned into a beta-tester for a cross-reaction." No. He was not being a good patient. At the moment, he did not care. "I know how agony feels. I don't like knowing that."

"Medicine, especially oncology-" Dr. Chowdree was again the man on point for this, his colleagues sitting around like so many mannequins in white coats.

"Is an art, a science, and a crap shoot. I know that, but I was Black Swanned by a drug interaction known to happen and was not warned about the possibility." For that, Alan had the same contempt as he did for someone cooking the books and presenting them as pristine. "I'm a patient, not a set of data, and that was terrifying and hideously painful."

"I am sorry, but there was no way to tell-"

"I expect to be informed. Not informing me was a bullshit move." Alan sat back in the chair. "Now stop blowing sunshine up my ass and start informing because you lost a huge measure of trust last week."

As meetings went, it was productive. Alan found that with his smaller stature and slight appearance, people consistently underestimated his intelligence, his tenaciousness, and his temper. It was as he was handing people their asses on a plate that they'd realize the little guy was serious and quit playing games. The real hardball was over the pain and anxiety control medications, with no good routes to take out of the vicodin until his neutrophil count got with the program. The Ativan was the safest route for his anxiety - and he might be able to taper to one every other day.

All things considered, it was a 50/50.

He got ready for infusion, deeply relieved that this was a simple three-hour session instead of an all-day two-bagger. Just Pegaspargenase today. And the fucking Filgrastim.

Alan glanced nervously at the doorway, then laughed at himself. Scared of an imaginary man in a suit.

Andrea tapped at the frame, then stuck her head in and smiled. "I know. I caught myself looking, too. Stupid, huh?"

"Easy to laugh from at home on the couch..."

"Or the Mommy Room..."

"Yeah. Come on, we're being silly." Alan shook his head and opened his cooler bag to reveal peanut-butter-and-jelly cookies and apple-raisin oatmeal cookies. "Cookie?"

"Ooh. Carmine told me about these." A momface with petit silence and eyebrow. "Cookies are not breakfast, you."

"They have breakfast things in them! Oatmeal, wheat, fruit, eggs-"

"Chocolate-"

"In Europe, even in Italy, people have chocolate for breakfast. Also - Cocoa Puffs!"

All objections evaporated when Andrea bit into a PB&J cookie. "Oh, that's delicious!"

Another convert. "I told Carmine where they are. Also - meatloaf."

"I hate meatloaf - love meatballs."

"Meatballs are meatloaf - bite sized." He opened his shirt for the blood draw as Andrea leveled the recliner out.

"Meatloaf is nothing like meatballs." Andrea pulled up her mask and gloved up. "Any discomfort or swelling?"

"No, none." The ritual was actually very comforting, and Alan found himself relaxing. "Reversed proportions. Meatballs go in the red sauce, and red sauce goes on the meatloaf."

He managed to not need the tissues. Maybe he was getting on top of the needle problems.

Andrea covered him up.

"It's just a short session." Alan objected slightly from under the warmed blankets. "Let me know about the neutrophil counts."

"Have another cookie and I'll be right back."

Reaper Andrew Whitley paused as the nurse exited the patient's room and held his breath as her gaze paused on him, then a blink, and she continued on her way. That one could almost see Reapers, having seen one herself when very young. Now, perhaps having seen so many under the shadow, she perceived them more than most mortals could. This was his beat, but this was her territory, and Andrew respected the young mortal.

However, he had no collections scheduled until later this afternoon. His assignment this afternoon was altogether different - from outside of Manhattan division, from the UK Home Office of the Society. It began with Andrew's incident report - a routine sighting by a mortal near extremis. It took an extreme shock to the corporeal vessel to begin separation of the record. Honestly he'd thought the poor bastard was for the chop from the pain alone, but Humphries Alan Gabriel was not slated for collection. Instead, there seemed to be some interest in him at a very high level.

Andrew raised his phone and snapped a photo of the subject's face, editing in the name and vital information from the Akashic Records and sent it to his superiors. Mission accomplished.

A chime denoted an incoming message - two words:

'Maintain surveillance.'

It was signed by the Director-in-Chief of the whole damn UK - William T. Spears. The device chimed, letting Andrew know there was a collection in his immediate area.

A nurse and doctor ran by, and down the hall someone was breaking out the crash cart. Andrew sighed. They didn't know, and it always distressed him that they'd try so hard - as if corporeal death was not traumatic enough. Down the hallway and into a small room where Vitter, Reese Audrey was under the shadow. Andrew brought up the data on his phone and took out the small, grey-metal stylus.

"Collection of subject Gardner, Reese Audrey. Born 19 August 1944. Death from cardiac fibrillation." The commotion was intense and purposeful around the frail figure in the recliner. Audrey Gardner's gaze flickered above the oxygen mask as she perceived and watched him. Drawing the small stylus from the body of his phone, Andrew touched it to her flesh and released the record. "Record uploading."

They shocked her body, compressed her chest, put tubes into her throat and down her airway.

"No further notes." Andrew collected the soul and record. "Collection complete."

He pocketed his phone and went out into the corridor, watching Andrea Rinaldi as she exited the pharmacy office. And for a second, just one, the mortal looked right at him - and away again. It was not unusual for certain mortals - EMS, firefighters, law enforcement, hospice and nursing home workers, and medical personnel - to perceive them. They were a flicker of black in the peripheral vision, the brush of someone passing by in an empty hallway, the person at the scene that nobody quite remembered. The mind generally trained itself to unsee what it did not understand, but in certain cases someone from the office had to step in and reinforce that tendency with a dose of Lethe.

He liked her. He didn't want anyone to interfere with one of his favorite mortals. So long as she could convince herself that he was really not there, then nobody had to know.

Alan was actually able to stay awake for his treatment, albeit slightly groggy from the Benadryl, talking with Andrea on her rounds as she tended to him and four other patients on infusion. They talked about moving his Filgrastim to evening - his neutrophil counts were rising, but not there yet. If it was the only way not to blow a hole in the middle of the day, Alan would take it.

No Filgrastim until bedtime! It was like a getting snow day off from school.

Andrea was also able to cover the likely course of treatment in the ominously-named 'early intensification' phase. "I'm still going to be your nurse. Continuity of treatment is important - your caregivers know you."

It was caregiver - singular - and Alan's insides exploded in butterflies at the first day's schedule.

No Pegaspargase for two whole weeks. Intrathecal methotrexate. Infusion cyclophosphamide. Oral mercaptopurine. Another self-inject called cytarabine-

"It's not a self-inject. You'll have to come up here for that one and stay for some observation."

"For four days in a row for the first two weeks? And what's intrathecal?" He knew he wasn't going to like it when she held his hands to tell him and held him very tightly as he had a bad case of the shakes. "I had a spinal tap when I was admitted. It was really bad. Are there any alternatives?"

Andrea was so straight with him. God, Alan was grateful for that.

"A port in my HEAD?"

NOPE.

"That's not used very often." Andrea opened Alan's juice for him and made him drink. "It's because cancer cells are tricky, hidey little shits. They can hide in your central nervous system. Some people do need to repeat this course, but that's at their doctor's discretion."

"How many?" Alan drank down the Mean Greens.

"Eighty percent of patients with your type of leukemia enter remission within the induction phase, but it's a temporary remission - not a knockout." Andrea explained. "It only covers the blood and bone marrow. During first-phase intensification, we consolidate and intensify the gains in the blood and marrow, and prepare for the second phase - when we go after it in the central nervous system with radiation, CNS prophylactic chemotherapy, and add tyrosine kinase inhibitors that prevent more blasts from developing."

Alan took a shaky breath and leaned back on his neck pillow. "You shoot so straight with me, and you've been so much help. I can honestly say that I don't know what I'd do without you."

"You don't have a caretaker - so I'll take care of you as much as you'll let me."

Alan considered his family, then asked, "I'm not on good terms with my family. I can honestly say that before I found out I had leukemia that I hadn't spoken to any of them in a decade. Can a next of relative do anything about my treatment? Interfere with my directives?"

"I can't advise you there, but I'll refer you to a lawyer who can. He's really good and makes it stick." Andrea shook her head. "Some people think that the hardest part of this job is dealing with the outcomes that aren't like the ones on the brochure. The hardest thing for me has been seeing my patients get their lives taken over; partners barred, fights over money, patients guilted into treatment after treatment, or abandoning effective treatment. All kinds trouble when all of this, everything, should be about the patient and what they want. Not anyone else."

That was a nasty jolt. "I never thought of that."

"Alan, there are times we've had the cops up here. I'll get you his business card and you call him, okay?"

"I will. I promise."

Alan went home a little after noon with more pages for his binder and had a long talk with attorney Hal Foreman about a) his family, b) his assets, c) his wishes and directives, and d) how to make sure that everything was handled. Alan needed an attorney to draw the documents for a living trust, coordination with his financial services, a professional fiduciary to hold his financial power of attorney and administer the living trust, and another professional guardian to hold his medical power of attorney in the event he couldn't make decisions about his own care...

For fuck's sake, it was almost less complicated (not to mention less expensive) to die.

The observation actually made Carmine laugh and that made Alan laugh in turn.

"Yeah, but it's better to just get it done. That way even if nothing happens, you're still covered."

Carmine was taking the scenic route. "You'd better be billing me for this - and I can't think that my brother's going to give up on this easily. For a preacher's kid from Idaho, I make a lot of money."

"I bill by the hour - livery, not a cab. I'm just giving you your money's worth." Carmine laughed again. "Besides, Didi-"

"What?" Alan asked, unable to believe his ears..

"Didi - Andrea. The wife. It's her nickname." Carmine grinned. "The first time I called her that, we were both still in elementary school. We were having this fight over Real Ghostbusters. I said Janine couldn't have a proton pack because she was a girl. Didi nailed me right in the nuts."

"That's adorable. Painful, but adorable." Alan snorted. "She'd make CEOs I've met run for cover."

"Takes no shit - that's my girl."

At home, he laid out all his notes and started researching, There were professional guardians who would do all this stuff for you - consolidating the legal, medical, and financial aspects into one firm. Most of them seemed geared to the elderly with dementia or the developmentally disabled - not wealthy homos with cancer and grabby next-of-kin. Hal Foreman had sent a list of firms and services to Alan's email, and would coordinate with the one that he chose.

Research was good. Except when it was about yourself and your chances. Andrea had not pulled any punches, Alan was deeply gratified by that. He opened the Preggo Pops as the nausea really kicked in. Andrea - he had a giggle over 'Didi' - bought him the Costco-sized jar. Setting the alarm on his phone to tell him when to take the Filgrastim and go to bed, Alan sank back into his research, letting his brain feed on something other than its own internal processes for a change.

"I'm okay. I'm going to be okay." Alan murmured to himself, tugging the cashmere throw around his shoulders. "I'm doing just fine."

"Bullshit!"

"But he liked everything else. It's a minor point, Eric."

"Fennel is not a minor point in fucking bouillabaisse, Ronnie." Eric groused, reading feedback presented with bullet points on the neatly printed two sheets of paper. "Aside from the saffron it's one of the most characteristic notes in the whole goddamn thing."

Ronnie rolled his eyes as he flopped into the purple people-eater sofa. "Out of everything else you fixate on that."

"And I do not undersalt. A chef who relies on salt or sugar to carry his food is a burger-flipper." Eric tucked his towel around his waist and cut himself a big slice of lemon-blueberry muffin bread. "It's not my fault he eats half-assed cuisine in tourist joints that are timid with the seasonings."

"You wanted feedback." Ronnie added. "If it helps, he thinks you're cute."

"You do realize I have a knife in my hand?" The bread only needed a little butter and Eric bit in with gusto. "I can admit that he has some points."

Perhaps Rox had blunted some of his sharper edges. It was hard to get worked up about anything when you'd had all your kink-spots scratched and come three times in twelve hours. Even if it was two days later, his ass still had fond memories of Rox whenever he sat down. Ze had read him like a book, honestly. However, Eric admitted, as a bottom in the hands of a capable top, he was about as subtle as all the neon in Times Square.

Rox was very, very capable and Eric had been delightfully surprised.

Titties were fun, too.

"What?" Ronnie asked.

"What what?"

"You're blushing."

"Shut up." Because, actually, he was. For fuck's sake!

"You got laid! YES! FINALLY!'" Ronnie proceeded to get up and do some twerking dance around the living room, singing, "Eric got laaaaaa~aaaid!"

Eric glared. Ronnie was a world-class chain-jerker - and Eric should know because the Beer Brat had learned everything from him. The things that came around to bite you in the ass. Fortunately Eric had good aim and took the chance to pelt the Beer Brat with those asinine little throw pillows until he fled into the night.

Or at least into the bathroom, preparatory to fleeing into the night.

"And shave, you ass!" Honestly. The face-weeds had to go. And the knit cap. Did Ronnie own anything to wear but skinny jeans and old bowling-alley and gas-station shirts? "Put something nice on! Like a shirt without someone else's name on it!"

Heaven knew how many times Ronnie had just flipped him off behind the bathroom door. But, really, how long could he go around looking like some satire site's cartoon hipster?

Eric finished his breakfast for dinner, then put on his whites. There was a good bit to do downstairs in the way of use-up-or-toss out, making stocks and sauce bases, and he fully expected to cook until three this morning.

The walk-in freezer was stocked with tubs of bones, trimmings, vegetable peels, and leftover bits from previous nights. These went into brown stock and demi-glace, chicken stock, turkey stock, vegetable stock, fumet de poisson, and court bouillon. The doughs for breads were ready for a second rise, and the cookie doughs had been resting for a full day. The grill needed firing and so did the stone oven for the breads. He sliced the meats and cheeses for sandwiches, prepared the garnishes and spreads. Roasted red pepper and eggplant soup, garlic roasted potato soup, and kale with linguicia soups took up three five-gallon stockpots. The breakfast dishes were done first, the baked goods second, soups and lunch selections third, desserts fourth.

It was midnight when Eric sighed, swept the sweat-soaked bandana off his head and walked down the kitchen hallway into the darkened storefront. It was a point of pride that after three years here, Eric had almost no leftovers at the end of the day. There was a roast beef, mushroom and brie sandwich, a small side of Dijon potato salad, and one of his beloved Manhattan Special coffee sodas.

His phone vibrated in his back pocket and he pulled it out - then smiled and answered. "Rox."

"Hello, pretty man." Ze purred. "You need to come see me tomorrow afternoon - we never got to those feathers on your magpie."

Jesus. He had to replace the Gates because if a phone call was all it took to get him hard-

"Red, you sound like chocolate ganache tastes."

"Is chocolate another of your kink spots?" There was the sound of splashing, the sensuous sound of water over flesh. "Should I get an icing bag and write naughtiness on your skin in Scharffenberger?"

"Yes." Great. The dick preempted the brainstem and hijacked the mouth. "Now I have to finish the grab-and-bag dinners with a boner, you sadist. And-"

Something... someone moved in the shadows of the hallway. A shadow in the shadows. Eric put his hand on the knife used to cut the sandwiches.

"Eric?" Rox prompted. "Are you all right?"

"Ronnie?" Eric called. "Hey, bro. You're back early."

No answer. Eric drew the knife from the sheath. How had anyone gotten in? Everything was locked and barred, and the fire-escape operated from the inside.

"Eric?" The sultry tone disappeared, replaced with something sharper than ordinary concern.

"Rox? Give me a second. I think there's someone in here."

Chapter 9

Summary:

Alan Humphries is a man who has it all together - until a diagnosis of leukemia leaves him adrift, alone, and afraid.

Eric has a visitation. Rox to the rescue. Ronald's evening is full of surprises.

#black butler fanfiction

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seokjinsonlyone · 3 years

Text

this is how i think it’d go if you went to visit bts at work and gave them a little peck on the lips

namjoon:

you’d probably walk into his studio and he’d be at his desk headphones in playing back some beat or revising some lyrics

you’d come up behind him and wrap your arms around his neck effectively stealing his attention away from the track

and that’s when you’d place a nice little peck on his lips

but that wouldn’t be enough for him so before you could even fully break apart he’d already be chasing your lips

he’d roll his chair around to properly face you placing one hand at the back of your neck bringing you back to him immediately slipping his tongue in your mouth

what once was a cute little greeting turned into a sensual experience as he gently massaged your tongue with his

and when he felt like he had his fill of you for the time being he pulled back, smiling, dimples on full display and said “hey, baby.”

the depth of his voice would send shivers down your spine and you would settle into his lap wrapping your arms around his neck picking up where he left off just bc he was done didn’t mean you were

seokjin:

you’d probably end up at hybe headquarters after seokjin called you when he was done with his day to get dinner together

you’d call him to let him know you’re outside and within a minute he’d be in your car

you’d lean over the center console to give him a peck to which he’d immediately complain

“woooowww i’ve been at work all day and that’s all i get”

you’d swallow down the urge to tell him that he not the only one that work in favor of rolling your eyes and pressing your lips to his again for a little longer

that wouldn’t be enough for him though “just one more,” he’d request.

“one more.”

he knew that asking for a kiss from you was a dangerous game

could feel it in the way he melted against you

could tell by the way he seriously thought about giving you one of his rolex watches you jokingly said you’d steal and sell

or one of his cars you said you’d steal and sell

thought about giving you the world just for one more kiss

yoongi:

with yoongi you’d probably enter his studio (he’s always in the studio) with the code he gave you

which the fact that you were the only one other than himself that had the code did inexplicable things to your heart you couldn’t really delve into without feeling like you were gonna explode

anyway you’d walk in the room and he already knew it was you like you said you were the only other one who could freely enter and he’d be at his monitor doing whatever producers do

“hey just gimme one sec”

and you knew how that one went sometimes it was actually just a few seconds sometimes it was a few hours until you had his attention but you didn’t mind you ain’t have anything else to do just wanted some company

you didn’t wanna disturb him too much but you couldn’t help yourself so you walked to him turned his head to face you and quickly kissed him before recoiling to the couch a few feet away

10-15 minutes later he was summoning you over to him, pulling you into his lap, and using his thumb and index finger to trap your chin bringing your lips back to his for a proper kiss

you sighed contentedly afterwards laying your head on top of his as he wrapped his arms around your waist, showing you what he was working on

hoseok:

hobi was usually a super organized person liked for everything to have a place and everything to be in that place

but you were his little chaos and organization was definitely not his top priority when he was with you taking second place to soaking up every ounce of your presence in whichever way you would allow him

so really it was no surprise when he texted you asking if you’d seen his little notebook where he wrote his lyrics and whatever other ideas or thoughts popped into his head

it took a bit of searching to find but you had it and he was very fortunate you liked him it was the only reason you were willing to drop it off before work

you made sure to let him know he was the reason you looked ugly today the trip to his office severely cutting your usual routine and he made sure to let you know that a) you were beautiful no matter what and b) he would make it up to you

it was only your second time at the new building your first time was when he invited you along for their first look at the hybe insight museum so it was safe to say you had absolutely no idea where you were going despite the detailed instructions one of the staff gave you upon entry if you hadn’t run into taehyun you probably would’ve been running around that building for another hour

you were thoroughly unamused with the situation but hobi looked so cute and sheepish when you entered the practice room wrapping his arms around you immediately alternating between expressing his gratitude and regretfulness that you couldn’t help but press a small kiss to his mouth

an action you instantly regretted bc a) it caused him to start pressing kisses all over your face in return b) it caused an eruption of various forms of shouting from the six other boys you failed to notice upon entry

you pushed at his chest as heat flooded your body from embarrassment preparing to leave you were going to be late for work “be good” you told him personally before shouting “have fun!” at the other members

jimin:

your days off hardly coincided with jimin’s days off mostly bc he never really had days off always had to go in for one thing or another

but his days weren’t always jam packed some days like today he had a meeting in the morning and a meeting in the evening and not much else to do besides that

and he was the absolute worst at entertaining himself always needed to find someone else’s business to get into and as the object of his affection you were always his first choice

he tried not to bother you too much when you were busy though no matter how clingy he was and he was awfully clingy

if you two weren’t able to be joined at the hip in your free time you were definitely on the phone and if he wasn’t the object of your affection as well you would’ve started ignoring him a long time ago as it stands he was the best company

anyway he knew you were off today and had no plans other than finding a new anime to start so naturally when he found himself bored out of his mind he was in your ear purring down the line for you to come to him

it didn’t take too much convincing your attention span wasn’t on your side so you couldn’t really get into anything and even though you literally saw jimin yesterday you missed him :\

it’s why you didn’t hesitate to land a peck on his lips upon meeting him again and latching onto his arm firmly as he led you to one of the small practice rooms they had

“so tell me about your day”

you looked him over suspiciously he had that mischievous glint in his eye so you knew he was up to something

and you were right you weren’t more than two sentences in to your answer before he was pressing his lips to yours in a long lingering kiss

“i’m sorry continue”

“um...” your attention span really wasn’t with you and it was hard to retrace your train of thought with your lips tingling and the hairs on the back of your neck raised

you eventually found your mental footing and continued speaking about your day which had more or less turned into you ranting about haikyuu when again mid sentence he captured your lips between his own one hand tracing up and down your spine while the other held your head into place so he could lick into your mouth just the way he liked

“go on” he panted slightly breathless once you finally broke apart

“jimin...” you whined

he giggled at his own antics loved riling you up found it so cute how you couldn’t even try to keep the dreamy look off your face “you like me so much don’t you?” he asked with a self assured grin etched onto his face

you did

taehyung:

sometimes he felt so sorry to you hated cancelling on you because something came up or another thing ran over time

you were always cool with it tho never made a huge fuss of it which he was forever grateful for bc he really did love his job

but he really loved you too

he had to cancel three separate times just this week alone and he was missing you something bad

and even though he really wanted to take you out and do something nice for you like you deserved at this point he just wanted to see you

missed seeing you in person and having you in his arms

that’s how you found yourself on a bench tucked into a quiet corner of the upper garden at a table chairs side by side his hands toying with yours as you caught him up on your week so far

he was kinda obsessed with you and you loved it because having his undivided attention felt so so good

so you couldn’t help but close the gap, briefly pressing your lips to his

the slight blush that took over his cheeks had an insane amount of serotonin flooding your brain you loved him so much

even more so when he surpassed his bout of shyness and unabashedly brought you closer to him and attempted to make up for a week’s worth of lost kisses

jungkook:

sometimes life got busy for the both of you and even though you meant to meet up it just didn’t happen

but once you finished your work week you made it your mission to see him as soon as possible

you’d texted him when you got off and he told you he was finishing vocal practice then going to workout which left you with enough time to stop home and freshen up before he was done

as expected his trainer told you he was in the shower when you popped up so you decided to wait in the hallway for him to come out

“heeeeey what are you doing here”

you looked up from your phone to see your slightly damp very buff boyfriend grinning down at you

almost instantly you were hugging him arms wrapped around his waist before pulling back slightly pecking him on the lips

which set something off inside jungkook a shock ran down his body just from the feeling of your lips pressed against his

“let’s hang out” you agreed immediately “i just need to grab something from my studio first”

he laced your hands together dragging you alongside him and as soon as you entered the room he had you pinned against the door hands on your hips kissing you with far greater ferocity than you could have anticipated

and it’s like jungkook knew he missed you but he didn’t realize just how much until he had you in his arms your lips on his

kissing you felt like home and his introverted self never wanted to leave the house couldn’t even help the groan that escaped the back of his throat as you took control of the kiss and made a mental note to remember to never deprive himself of this pleasure again

one of his hands slid down your thigh lifting your leg until you got the hint to wrap both of them around his waist allowing him to show off his strength and grope you at the same time

“jk,” you said breathlessly, breaking the kiss

his lips were chasing yours the second you broke contact he didn’t care about breathing when a fire was spreading through his body

you indulged him for a few more seconds before breaking apart again

this time his lips traveled down your neck kissing and sucking until you were making the prettiest sounds for him

you felt like you were going to explode his hands were squeezing your butt and his lips were on your neck and you were going to explode

“jk...” you whined again tugging lightly at the hair on the nape of his neck

he made his way back up your neck pressing a hard kiss on your cheek before gently nudging your nose with his “hmmm?”

and suddenly you were staring directly into his eyes big and pretty and filled with stars shining just for you

you were going to explode “let’s get out of here”

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scuttling · 3 years

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Stay at Home DILF

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Female Reader Word Count: 5,863 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Dad Bod Hotch, Insecure Hotch, Oral sex, Fingering, Unprotected sex, A little angsty by accident Summary: Aaron retires from the BAU when the new baby is born, but a year later the lack of structure, sleep, and time for himself means changes to his body he's not very proud of. When the thought of having another child is brought up, how will he and his wife work through his insecurities to make the perfectly imperfect, happy family? *Requested by anon Link to A03 or read below! “Honey, I have to get going—do you need me to drop Jack off at school, or are you good?” Professor Hotchner slides her foot into a flesh-toned pump, leaning against the kitchen table for support and stealing a grape from Jack’s fruit salad. He narrows his eyes, then sticks out his tongue, and she does the same. “Do you want me to starve, Jackrabbit?”

“You won’t starve. Get your own grapes.” So full of sass, that one. Seven is such a fun age. She decides to blame the mixture of Aaron’s genes and Haley’s, and she pulls out her phone to send Haley a quick text.

Your son is a menace in the morning.

Haley: Gets that from his dad.

Aaron enters the kitchen, holding their one year old daughter Mia, and he sticks her in her highchair, puts her breakfast in front of her, and leans toward his wife.

“I’m good, I’ll take him,” he says, and kisses her lips. “Mia and I will take big brother Jack to school, won’t we?” Mia is obsessed with Jack—her first word was Jack, or rather, Ack, which was super cute—so she giggles happily, and her mother can’t help but smile. Their little family is absolutely perfect.

She leans in for another kiss from Aaron, and then another, and then maybe one more...

“You’re getting distracted,” Jack says, and she looks over at him with a raised eyebrow, then back to Aaron. He shrugs.

“It was on one of his vocabulary sheets.” Figures.

“Well, maybe I find my boys distracting. Let me give you kisses and we’ll find out!” She launches herself at him, kissing his head and his cheeks, and he laughs, and she knows she’s going to be late for work, but she can’t pass up moments like these, she just can’t.

She gives him a hug and tells him to have a good day, then she kisses Mia, and then she puts her arms around Aaron’s neck and kisses him goodbye. Before she pulls away, something comes over her—the warmth of this perfect morning, the overwhelming love for both of their sassy, silly kids, or maybe the fact that they’ve been too busy for sex lately and she’s constantly horny for him—and she looks up at him and whispers, “we should have another baby.”

Aaron grins immediately.

“Yeah we should.” They kiss a few more times, quickly, smiling against each other's lips, and he pats her hip because he knows she has to go. “We’ll talk more later, but yes. I want to. I love you.” He takes her face in his hands and kisses her deeply, and she sighs, grabs her bags, and heads out the door. Work is work; as the youngest professor in the English department, her schedule is jam packed with classes, lectures, morning office hours, but despite all that, it seems that Aaron is having the more difficult day.

They both love that he was able to retire from the BAU early to be a stay at home dad when Mia was born—he does consult for them occasionally, but has no official title, doesn’t have to travel—and he’s amazing at it, but she knows her baby can be a handful even on a good day. The texts she’s been getting all morning only solidify that knowledge.

Aaron: FYI - Mia hates bananas this week.

Aaron: What do they put in this applesauce, crack? She’s tearing around here like a bat out of hell.

Aaron: Okay, she’s your child, I officially renounce her. I put on The White Album and she started crying.

Maybe she prefers Abbey Road?

Aaron: No. Unlike her mother, she has taste.

You wound me, Hotchner.

She works through lunch, grading papers on The Call of the Wild, but when Aaron’s name lights up the display on her phone, she puts her pen down and smiles, puts it on speaker.

She’s sorry she did, because Mia is wailing in the background, and it’s very clearly her, I’m exhausted, asshole, leave me alone, cry, which makes her wonder why she’s not taking a nap. She knows she resists Aaron sometimes, doesn’t want him to leave her alone in her room, which is so sweet and also so, so annoying.

“Hi, sweetheart. Are you having a little trouble over there?” He takes a deep breath and sighs.

“She won’t go down, baby, even if I sit in the rocking chair beside her. It’s been twenty minutes.” Wow. He put up with it longer than she would have.

“Put her in her crib with Stuffy Bear and just let her cry; I know you hate that, but she’ll give up eventually.” He groans softly.

“I can’t; I feel so bad.”

She smiles. Her warm-hearted man.

“She does this because she knows you’ll give in and do whatever she wants. I promise you, she’ll be happier for it; she sounds miserable.”

“I don’t know…” he says, and she can tell he’s not going to do it. She picks up her pen and skims the paper she abandoned.

“Are you tired?” She doesn't wait for an answer, because she knows he is: Jack had a bad dream last night and woke them both up, and Aaron went to lay with him until he fell asleep because he knew she had an early morning. It was almost time for her alarm when he made it back to bed. “If you want to try to nap, she’s going to have to nap. Do it for her, yourself, me, a combination of the three of us. She won’t be mad at you; she won’t even remember.”

“What if I give her abandonment issues?” he presses, and she closes her eyes for a moment.

“Aaron, I love you so much. You’re such a great dad, and our kids are lucky to have you. But you have to loosen the reins just a little, especially if… if we are going to have another baby.” The thought makes her smile, and she can tell he’s smiling down the line, too.

“Right. Loosen the reins. Just put her in her crib,” she can hear that he does that, “and give her Stuffy Bear, and let her cry.” He blows out a breath, and she can hear the door click shut behind him as he leaves her room. She’s proud of him, but she also knows he’s going to sit in front of the video monitor and watch to make sure she falls asleep, and that he’ll probably work on laundry after that and not actually take a nap of his own.

He insists he’s doing fine when she brings it up, but the way he sacks out like a corpse when they get into bed doesn’t exactly have her convinced.

“I love you, and miss you,” he says when it’s slightly quieter, though she can faintly hear the cries through the monitor. “It made me really happy this morning when you said we should have another baby. We make perfect babies, have you noticed?” She hides her grin behind her hand, because if anyone walked by her office they’d think she’s insane with how widely she’s smiling.

“I have noticed, but since we only have the one and I can’t take any credit for Jack, I figured we should probably make another. Maybe the same way we made Mia…” They’re both convinced it was a weekend when Jack was at Haley’s and the two of them went to town on each other, true marathon sex where they only stopped for food and water and she coaxed him to hardness so many times she felt like a damn sex goddess.

“Hmm. I remember that with fondness, and would love to do that again. You know Haley said she’d take Mia on one of Jack’s weekends if we ever needed her to.”

Her life is pretty damn perfect, with her gorgeous, caring husband, and her two awesome kiddos, and a job she loves, but the most unexpectedly sweet part is that Haley is so comfortable with her, and that she and Aaron were able to get past the ugliness of their divorce to eventually become friends again. It’s not something they take for granted.

“Maybe we should take her up on it this weekend,” she says, trying to sound a little sultry. “We’ve both been so busy; it’s been a while since you pet my kitty.” For some reason, this particular phrase makes Aaron blush and get insanely horny, and she’s hoping to tease him so much the rest of the week that their weekend is one neither of them ever forget, so she’s pulling out the big guns.

“It’s been far too long, and I’m sorry. I can’t wait, baby. I’ll call her here in a few; I know you have to get to your next lecture.” She looks down at her watch, and it is about time to clean up and head over. She sighs happily down the line.

“Okay, I love and miss you; try to take a power nap. I promise, she’ll be fine.”

“I will.” He won’t. “Talk to you soon.” When she gets home, Aaron has dinner ready; she told him to hold off, that she’d help when she got there, but he has always been an overachiever.

Mia is already in her high-chair, waiting patiently for once in her little life; she kisses her forehead, breathes in her sweet baby smell, and then makes her way to her husband.

“Looks good, honey,” she says as he sets the table, and she leans up for a kiss, but when she presses her hand to his stomach like she always does, he pulls back a little. “Is everything okay? Did you have a bad afternoon?”

“No, it wasn’t bad after the nap fiasco,” he responds, but he sounds distracted. Maybe he was asked to look at a case, or something, and that’s still on his mind? She leans against his shoulder, puts a hand on his back and attempts to push up his t-shirt, to skim her hand up along his spine, which always comforts him, but again, he shifts away from her touch. She sighs and steps back.

“You're going to give me a complex, Aaron. If I did something to upset you, please tell me so I can apologize and try to make it better.” He turns to look at her face, and his formerly tense jaw softens a little; he presses his lips to hers, just a peck.

“No, you didn’t do anything. I’m just a little tired, that’s all.” He smiles softly, and she’s sure he is tired, but this seems like something more.

“You’d tell me if something else was bothering you, right? You know I’m here for you.”

“Of course I would, and of course I do. I love you,” he breathes against her mouth, and then he goes in for a longer kiss and she gets, as Jack said earlier, a little distracted. When the kiss breaks, she sighs happily.

“I love you. Missed those lips,” she murmurs, and then she runs a hand over his hair. “If the kids wake up again tonight, I’ll get them. You need to rest.” He shakes his head.

“You have another full day tomorrow,” he counters, and it’s so sweet that he keeps up with the schedule she has posted on the fridge, but still. She puts her hand on her hip.

“And you don’t? It’s my turn. Let me help.” He looks like he wants to argue, but she gives him the glare he knows means she will talk about this all night if he doesn’t agree; she’s not the sponsor of the university’s debate team for nothing, and even his prosecutorial ways have nothing on her.

“Okay,” he sighs, and she smiles and kisses him and then goes to get Jack and make sure he’s cleaned up for dinner.

That night when the two of them are getting ready for bed, she’s surprised as hell when he stops her from pulling one of his t-shirts—her typical sleepwear—over her head. She sets it down, arches her brow, and he guides her back onto the bed with a grin and puts his hands on her hips.

“What’s happening right now?” she asks, because before Mia, sure, Aaron would treat her to all manner of orgasm-inducing behavior at random, and she would do the same, but since Mia—especially in the last six months or so—their sexual encounters have been few and far between. It’s no one’s fault, and they’re both very clearly still attracted to each other; it’s just one of those things that falls by the wayside when you have a new baby and a hectic life and you don’t get enough sleep.

Needless to say, she is a little confused by this turn of events.

“I’m attempting to worship my gorgeous fucking wife,” he murmurs, and he leans up and kisses her stomach, licks a long line up from her belly button. Her breath hitches. “Gonna put another little baby in here—but it’s always beautiful.” He slowly moves his lips higher, over her ribcage, and holds her there. “You’re perfect, you know?”

“Aaron.” Her fingers come up to sweep through his hair; her heart aches with love and tenderness. He moves up, presses open-mouthed kisses to each of her breasts, then covers them with his hands and squeezes. She’s a panting, dripping mess, and more than anything she wants to strip him naked, pull him closer, get him inside her.

“I love you just as you are; I want you just as you are. Always have, always will.” He smooths his hands up over her throat, and brings her mouth to his for a deep, soulful kiss. She hadn’t even realized she’s been feeling repressed, but his touch tonight makes her feel so beautiful and special… It's incredible how close she is from only that.

“Make love to me,” she whispers, and he kisses her again, but then he slides back down her body.

“Want to taste you,” he says instead, and he gets his hands on her hips again and his mouth on her pussy, looks up at her while he licks and sucks like he’s gone without for ages—which he has, she figures, but it’s blowing her mind, her fingers scratching at the sheets, her neck arched. He massages her hips as his tongue works, as he grinds against the bed, and she comes with a whimper, because her body is so overwhelmed by how good she feels that she can’t even properly vocalize it.

Aaron comes up, just a little, rests his head on her stomach, and she smooths her hands over his hair and his shoulders, since that’s all she can reach.

“Come up and let me touch you—or you can come inside me.” She will happily take either option, but he just kisses her belly and shakes his head.

“No, I’m good. Just really tired.” She frowns, can’t recall a time in her life when they didn’t both get off during sex; he catches her expression and runs his hands up her body. “Really, I’m okay. I just wanted to do that before I passed out.” He smiles, and she doesn’t like it, but he climbs off of her and goes to the bathroom, and she pulls on the t-shirt and crawls into bed. Two days later, she’s sitting in her office grading tests when she hears a knock at the door. She looks up, and it’s Aaron, of course, looking so gorgeous in a black polo and jeans.

“Hey, what are you doing here? Where’s Mia?” she asks with a smile. He leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed.

“She’s with her Aunt Penelope for a few hours.”

“Why? Is everything okay?” Penelope is at work, she knows, because she texted her earlier about something unrelated and she’d mentioned that she and Spencer were having coffee and that he said hello.

“Everything‘s fine,” he assures her, and he enters the room fully, closes the door behind him… and locks it. “Can’t your husband come visit you during your super secret not-really-office-hours?” She raises an eyebrow, both at his question and the fact that he locked the door. What exactly is he planning to do, she wonders?

“You can, but you don’t. I guess I’m just surprised.”

“Well today I decided to. I missed you so much.” He walks around her desk and leans over her for a couple of kisses. “Have you missed me?” She rolls her eyes, smiles.

“Of course I missed you. I miss you every second I’m away from you.” She reaches out, wants to hug him, pull him closer, but he takes a step back and crooks his finger, encouraging her to follow him.

He’s being really weird, but he’s also being really hot. She decides to play along.

She stands, walks over to him, and he carefully clears a spot on her desk, knows she has a system and doesn’t like a mess; when she’s within reach, he puts his hands on her waist and lifts her up onto it, her ass where a stack of tests had just been. Fuck.

“I want to get this dress off of you,” he says, voice low, and he takes her face in his hands and kisses her, rough and deep. “Can I take it off, baby? Can I make you come?”

Everything is happening so fast her head is spinning—it’s not like him to just show up at her office, to try to have sex with her there, especially when their dry spell has been, up until recently, like the damn Sahara.

He must sense her confusion, her apprehension, because he kisses slowly along the side of her throat, down the v-neck of her dress, making her eyelids flutter.

“The door’s locked, and no one even knows we’re in here. Can I take it off?” She pants, thinks about this for a second, but then he slides a hand over her thigh, pushing her skirt up, and she gets a little distracted. She nods, and he kisses her hard and unties the sash of her wrap dress, pushes it off her shoulders. She’s glad she wore a matching set of bra and panties, because this is like prime fantasy material and she wants to try to remember every detail.

He kisses her mouth, soft and sweet, then tugs the straps of her bra down her shoulders, pulls the cups down so her breasts fall out of them. She moans, a little startled, and he dips his head to mouth at her nipples, rests one hand on her lower back and one on her stomach—probably because she looks like she’s about to slide off the desk and onto the floor like a blob of jelly. She knows that’s how she feels.

When he’s gotten her thoroughly worked up, almost trembling with the need for more, he pushes her panties aside and presses a finger into her, and she whimpers, wraps her hand around his neck for support when he starts to pump it deeply inside.

“What has gotten into you?” she breathes, and her hips chase the pleasure he brings; the hand on her back moves to her ass, squeezes it.

“I love you and I want you. I want to make you happy, I want you to feel good.”

“Me—me too,” she gasps as he moves faster, staring right into his eyes. “I love you, want you. Want to make you happy, feel good.” She cards her fingers through his hair and stretches for a desperate, eager kiss. “I want you so badly, baby, please.”

“I’m right here. You have me,” he murmurs, but that’s not what she means and he has to know it. Just in case he doesn’t, though, she makes herself loud and clear; relationships are all about communication, after all.

“I want you to put your cock in my pussy, I want you to come in me. I want you to fucking ruin me, Aaron, I want you to shove your dick in me and keep shoving.” She sounds unhinged, but she can’t stop.

He adds a second finger—not what she wants—and roughly gropes her breast—it feels so good, but it’s not what she wants. Why won’t he give her what she wants?

“Shh, just come on my hand, it’s okay. I’ll fuck you later, in our bed, baby,” he promises. “Just come now, okay? Right here, right now for me.”

She does, because even if he’s being unnecessarily aggravating, it’s still Aaron. She’s desperate for him, always has been, always will be. She comes loud and high and she clutches him tightly and he kisses her and coos words of love and affection into her ear. She gets cleaned up, and they go for lunch, and they can’t take their eyes off each other.

Something’s very wrong, and she can’t quite put her finger on it.

That evening when she gets home, Aaron is feeling guilty. She’s not sure why, but he’s executing all of his patented guilty trademark behaviors: he offers her a glass of wine, runs her a bath, rubs her feet, even though he’s been the one home with the baby all day. She’s tempted to ask if he’s cheating on her, as a joke, but that’s never funny, especially when she knows he’s being shifty and weird about something.

When they’re laying in bed, he sets down his book and looks over at her.

“I meant to tell you, Haley isn’t able to take Mia tomorrow. Maybe the weekend after, we can have our special alone time.” She won’t say she’s not disappointed, but she doesn’t want to inconvenience Haley, when she’s already being so great. She smiles softly, covers his hand with hers.

“That’s okay. It was short notice, anyway. I’ll still enjoy my weekend, with you and Mia.” He smiles too, but it doesn’t quite touch his eyes.

The kids sleep through the night, but she doesn’t. On Friday, she picks Jack up from school and takes him to Haley’s, who sends him to wash up so she can make him a snack. When he’s gone, she smiles warmly and invites her into the kitchen for coffee; she takes a cup, and they make pleasant small talk like they always do.

“Are you sure you don’t want to bring Mia over?” Haley asks after a few minutes. It sounds like she’s double checking. “It’s really no trouble.” She frowns, sets her cup down.

“I thought you weren’t able to watch Mia this weekend. I thought… I thought that’s what Aaron said. I must have misunderstood him.” That’s the only logical conclusion, because Aaron wouldn’t lie to her. He wouldn’t.

“He was being a little weird on the phone the other day. He asked me if I would watch her, and I said yes. He told me about your plans,” she says with raised eyebrows, “and then I told him, you know. That he better treat you right, because you just had a baby not that long ago and you might be a little self-conscious about jumping back into the sack like that; not that you should be, because you look amazing.” She racks her brain for the first time he started acting strangely, pulling away from her, and it would have been after his conversation with Haley. She asks, just to confirm.

“Is that when he got weird?”

“Actually yeah. He changed his mind, said you might not need me to watch her after all, but I told him the offer stood. He was pretty quick to get off the phone after that.” She would sip her coffee, but she’s pretty sure her hands are shaking. Why would he lie about that?

“You know, I should go. I’m sure Aaron’s pulling his hair out with her, she’s been a devil today. Tell Jack I love him and I’ll talk to him tonight, will you?”

“Of course. If you change your mind about Mia, just let me know,” Haley says, and she gets into her car with tears stinging her eyes.

When she gets home, Aaron is playing with Mia on the living room floor. He looks up at her with a smile that abruptly falls when he takes in her facial expression.

“What’s wrong?” She composes herself, takes a deep breath. They vowed a long time ago not to argue in front of Jack or Mia. She tries to sound conversational.

“You lied to me. You said Haley couldn’t take Mia this weekend.” He swallows and looks properly guilty. She’s not sure how he was able to lie to her in the first place; he’s never been any good at it.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have. I just didn’t know how to say it.” She looks up, shakes her head, wills her eyes not to water while she’s trying to have this conversation.

“You didn’t know how to say what? What is it that’s made you distance yourself from me?” She recalls him physically pulling away, then doing a complete 180 and initiating sex, but never penetrative sex, never letting her touch him or return the favor in any way. “Haley told me about your conversation. So do you think I’m unhappy with my body, or are you unhappy with my body?” He has the nerve to look confused, gets Mia set up with some toys she can play with safely on her own and stands up, comes close to her. She’s not sure she even wants his touch right now, which is saying something; when she’s unhappy, that’s usually all she wants.

“Neither of those things. I swear to god. I love you and I love your body; you’re so beautiful. Too beautiful for me, you always have been.” He’s looking down at her so seriously, and she wants so badly to believe him, but how could she, when faced with the evidence?

“Okay. If it’s neither of those things…” Her voice is small when she says the one option that hurts her most. “Did you change your mind? Do you not want to have another baby with me?” He sighs, deflates, and she takes a deep, shuddering breath.

“No, listen to me. It’s not that I don’t want that; I want that more than anything, but it will… further complicate, things...” He trails off, and she tries to follow what he’s saying. “The problem isn’t you in any way. It’s me.” She huffs, squeezes her eyes briefly shut.

“You? How can it be you, when you’ve been the only man to catch my eye for years? From the moment you set foot on my campus looking for your bad guy, I’ve been attracted to you, aroused by you, wrapped around your finger. You’re so perfect for me: perfect husband, perfect dad, perfect lover. My best friend. Never a day has gone by where I haven’t wanted you.” He wets his lips, sighs.

“Surely you’ve noticed that since I quit my job and started staying home with Mia, I… I don’t look the same. I’ve… let myself go.” His brows are deeply furrowed, and he’s clearly struggling with this; she reaches for him, no longer angry—at least for the time being—puts a hand on his arm.

“I’ve noticed that you don’t quite look the same. Doesn’t mean you’ve ‘let yourself go,’ or that I’m not still attracted to you; you just have a dad bod now instead of an ‘FBI guy who punches people for a living’ bod.” Her other hand hovers, then comes to rest on his stomach, and she smiles. “I’m actually really into the way you look now. I’ve been fantasizing about it for ages. I wish I’d known you were feeling self-conscious.”

“I’m not used to feeling… self-conscious, vulnerable,” he breathes, but he presses into her touch, so she considers that a good thing. “I didn’t know how to handle it.”

“I get that baby, I do, but this is me. I would have done anything I could to make you feel better. You didn’t have to hide it from me. You didn’t have to lie. We could have talked about it.” She moves the hand on his arm to his face, guides him down for a loving kiss. “We’re equally to blame, because I know you haven’t been getting good sleep, and I know you barely have time for yourself, and I didn’t step in; but you never let me help. If roles were reversed, and it was me staying home with Mia, you would never expect me to do all the cooking and cleaning and homework and bath time without your help. So you need to let me help, Aaron, please.” She looks up at him, eyes warm and sincere, and he nods, bends to press a kiss to her lips.

“I’m sorry. I still don’t feel great about… myself, but maybe I could. If I let you help. If I took some time for me.” She nods and wraps her arms around him—finally—for a hug.

“I love you so much. Just like this. Big, cuddly papa bear, taking care of our babies, making our home a safe and happy place for them. How could I not love the body that brings me so much happiness? That makes me excited to get in my car and come home at the end of every day?”

They kiss some more, deep, healing kisses and soft, sweet kisses, but she doesn’t get distracted by them. She’s very focused, caresses him and brushes loving fingertips over his chest and arms and sides. But speaking of distractions…

“Were you doing all those sexy things to try to distract me from wanting you to get all up on me?” she asks, pulling back, and at least he has the decency to flush.

“Kind of? I figured if it was sex you wanted, you’d be happy to get off however it happened; it was great for me too, don’t get me wrong, I just didn’t really want to be touched, feeling the way I felt.” She frowns, rests her head against his chest and holds him tighter.

“That makes me sad. What I wanted was an intimate moment with my husband, and while yes, what you did for me was great, because you’re super hot and very capable,” she says, leaning back in his embrace with a soft smile, “it’s not what I’ve been wanting. I want you all naked and sweaty and heavy on top of me, going to pound town.” He presses his lips together and raises his eyebrows.

“Pound town? What are you, twelve?” She grins, shoves his chest, and he laughs.

“I’m surrounded by college kids all day, please forgive me. I think it got my message across though.” She touches his cheek, looks up into his eyes, and sighs. “Can we take Mia over to Haley’s and give it a shot? I’ll do anything to make you feel happy and comfortable, any position that makes you feel better—though what I’d really like most, if you’ll trust me, is to suck your dick, and then hop on your dick, and then later when we’re ready to go again, we do the pound town thing and make another goddamn baby.”

She’s so serious, and he looks so serious, and then he kisses her and says yes and they pack up their kid and take her to his ex-wife’s so they can get it on, which sounds so much crazier than it actually is. She gets him out of his clothes, doesn’t move slow or spend lots of time focusing on what he thinks are flaws; instead, she proves how desirable he is by practically tearing his pants off and pushing him against the bed and swallowing around his dick just so she can hear all those delicious moans she’s been missing.

After that, she rides him hard, kisses him harder, plants her hands on his chest and stomach and moans and groans against his mouth. “So fucking hot, seriously so fucking hot, Aaron—if I saw you across the room today I wouldn’t change a goddamn thing, I would still pursue you, I’d make you blush like I did back then. I’d be so forward because I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about how good this would feel.”

She’s rocking his world, no doubt about that; it’s written all over his face, in the hardness of his hands on her hips as she grinds down on his cock, in the way his chest is heaving despite not actually doing any of the work at all. He comes first, and then rubs her clit while she continues to fuck him until she finds her own orgasm; she scratches her nails down his stomach, and he leans up and grabs her face for a rough, perfect kiss.

They take a break, cuddling and kissing and enjoying the feel of bare skin, comfy bed, soft lips. Aaron touches her cheek, tells her how much he loves and appreciates her.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been keeping this inside, and not being truthful. It’s hard, when you’re as perfect as the day I met you, and I’m…” She presses a finger to his lips, shushes him, kisses him.

“You’re as perfect as the day I met you, too. More perfect, even, because every day since then you’ve chosen me, and our family. I could not ask for a better man. Simply could not, Aaron. And if you want me to come home early so you can go to the park to run, or to the gym, then that’s what I'll do, but if you look like you do right now, forever, I’ll be happy with that too. Whatever makes you happy.”

They snuggle and kiss and talk and laugh, and then laughing becomes sex in that way everything becomes sex when you’re genuinely obsessed with the person in your bed.

He gets her on her back, kisses all over, teases her—“mmm, rubbing your kitty, baby, how does it feel?”—and then puts her legs over his shoulders, plants his hands, and fucks, taking every ounce of his pent-up frustration out on her, and it’s incredible.

“Yes, Aaron, yes, baby, oh, god.” Her head is thrown back, and she’s torn between laughing, because she’s been wanting this for months and it’s exactly as awesome as she’d dreamed it would be, and crying, because she fucking loves him, so much it puts a lump in her throat.

“Fuck, baby,” he groans, speeds up, sweaty and gorgeous and smiling. “You’re going to come with me—not just for me, but with me, so my come gets deep inside, so it works and we get another perfect baby who never lets us fucking sleep.” She nods frantically, presses her hips against his, and it’s not simultaneous, but it’s a near damn thing, when they both come groaning each other’s names. A little less than a year later, they have Mason. Aaron is at home in his dad bod, Mia doesn’t cry at naptime, Jack is still a menace in the mornings, and their perfect little family got a little more perfect. Taglist ❤️: @arsonhotchner @mrsh0tchner @ssahotchie @sleepyreaderreads @mintphoenix @meghannnnnn @disgruntledchowchow @azenpal @g-l-pierce @my-rosegold-soul

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #hotch x female reader #hotch x reader #dad bod hotch

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luimagines · 3 years

Note

Maybe you caring for the chain? Like doing small things like helping tend to their wounds or brushing their hair. Love the blog btw!

Masterlist

A little TLC?

A little Fluff?

That's my JAM! You got it hun!

It's gonna be in bullet point list because I can.

Content under the cut!

Time

Can you imagine this guy?

It's late at night and you wake up unexpectantly.

It was supposed to be your shift but it's way past that

It's even past the shift after yours

Time is still by the fire pit

Awake

You get up

You walk over to him

Place a hand on his shoulder

He looks up at you, tired as hell

He knows he's been caught.

"It's past your bed time Old Man"

"I just wanted to give everyone a little break."

And like?!

You push him aside gently and he lets you sit next to him.

You pull him towards you and you place his head on your lap

"What am I going to do with you?"

"It's not your job to take care of me."

"Someone has to. Malon will have our heads if you come back home any less than how you left."

You start running your fingers through his hair and he closes his eyes in bliss.

It's quiet and neither of you say anything.

Time quickly falls asleep from your touch and you stay up to take your watch.

You take the next watch after as well.

Soon enough the sun rises.

And you let Time sleep in.

Twilight

What about Twilight?

Twilight was mid battle, fighting multiple bokoblins at once.

At some point he had lost his sword.

This boy hunkers down and starts swinging.

It's a one on five boxing match.

Twilight, to say the least, is not unharmed by the end of it.

You notice that he's not stable on his feet and has a few bloodied patches on his clothes, not to mention the (hopefully) small cut on his forehead.

It's more blood than you'd like to see.

You're quick to help and let him lean into your side.

You bring to the side of the fire, quickly taking out your personal med pack and begin to clean his face.

He's not seeing straight so he starts to speak nonsense.

"Twilight honey, please, don't." You try not to laugh.

"Have you seen them though?"

He's talking about you.

"They're so amazing. Did you know that? They're so cool. They know so much about history and animals and plants."

"Twilight please, I can't reach the cut. I need to disinfect it."

"And animals and Epona and Epona likes them so much. I want to show them my home and my family. Colin would love them. And I think they and Illia would be best friends."

You're blushing but it's soft and you're smiling because Twilight is smiling and he looks so happy at the thought.

You wave away Hyrule when he comes to check on The Rancher, letting him know that you've got it covered.

It's sweet.

Wild

His is a little more obvious

"Wild, what on earth?"

He comes back from an afternoon adventure.

He's absolutely filthy.

There's at least three sticks in his hair.

At least those are the ones that you can count because they're sticking out.

Multiple leaves.

You think you see something move.

"What?"

He doesn't care.

You sigh and stalk up to him.

You grab his arm.

"You're my prisoner now"

Wild tries to fight you but you're determined.

You sit him and take out a brush, taking his pony tail down.

It's a long battle.

But after at least thirty minutes of fighting the branches and leaves and what might have been a tiny mouse like creature.

The mouse thingy just ran away.

You're trying to be as gentle as you can but Wild has a hard time sitting still.

Some leaves leave easier than others and there were actually seven separate branches in his hair that you take out one by one.

But when you get past the battle and clear the foliage, Wild relaxes.

Soon you're only brushing his hair.

He needs to wash it.

But you're not anywhere near any body of water so it'll have to wait.

Wild hums every time you pass the brush pleasantly through his hair.

Within moments his hair is soft and tangle free.

You look around him to look at his face.

He's calm and blissful.

You smile and go back to brushing his hair.

It's a calm afternoon from then on out.

Warrior

Warrior isn't one to accept TLC in public but-

It's after a battle.

And you look over to Warrior who's taking off his armor at a painstakingly slow pace.

It takes him a while.

He grimaces in pain and begins to rub his neck and shoulder.

You bit your lip and sigh.

You make your way over to him.

"Need a hand, soldier boy?"

"What?"

He's confused.

"If you got pain, I can help with that."

You don't want to make it a big deal or weird.

"How?"

"I want your permission first. I'd have to touch you."

"Sure. Why not? Do it."

You nod and get behind him.

Soon enough you start kneading his shoulders and lower neck.

He grunts at the pressure you put on it but otherwise lets you continue.

He's stiff as a brick.

So you're there for a while.

But when you get tired or when he's better off than how you started (whichever comes first) you let him go.

He rubs absentmindedly where your hands just were and smiles in relief.

"Thanks."

You grin.

"Any time."

Sky

Now Sky is a bit different

He's not shy about TLC

He's frequently the one to take care of the others

You however notice something off one day

His hand was always in a fist and you pulled him aside.

"You ok? What happened?"

Sky sighs, and opens up his palm

A large cut down the middle

It cut through his leather and gloves and was bleeding through the cloth Sky was holding.

You gasp and begin to help him out then and there.

"How did this happen?"

"It's not that big of a deal."

"It's your hand!" You take off the gloves as gently as you can and bring out your med pack. "You kind of need that."

You sit him down and clean it off.

He's quiet as you work, watching you tend to his wound.

He flinches slightly at the disinfectant and hisses.

You begin to wrap his hand with a clean bandage.

You're meticulous in wrapping it up completely.

It's slow and you're losing progress in travel time but neither of you care.

"You don't have to do this."

"I want to. You can't stop me."

"I'm pretty I could if I did."

"Yeah, probably."

More silence.

You take moment to study your work and gently turn his hand over.

You give it back to him.

"How did you even manage that? You're usually so much better at this."

"It's... embarrassing..."

"Do I even want to know?"

"...No... Thank you... For helping."

"Of course."

Legend

"Legend, sweetheart, what are you doing?"

He's the kind to avoid public soft and gentle actions

Even if he's the kind to desperately want them

He'll push people away and fail to satisfy himself by yearning from a distance.

One day, you have enough.

He's trying to sit next to you and he's fidgeting, internally fighting himself over something but it's too close to you to not notice.

You sigh and pull him close to you, wrapping both of your arms around him even as he tries to fight you off.

He's trying to struggle out of it but you just snuggle into his shoulder.

He doesn't fight you for long.

Legend borderline melts into your embrace and he hugs your arm in return.

"You've got a weird sense of pride, you know that?"

You start to run your hands through his hair.

Legend scoffs

"You're the one being weird."

"Mh-hm."

"You are."

"Just say you want a hug."

"....No."

"Well I guess I have to hug you more often then."

"........No."

"Yes."

"Ok."

Hyrule

Now, you're pretty sure that The Traveler's love language is touch, so he's not shy about keeping his hands to himself.

There's always a hand on your shoulder, a comfortable hug when your sad, gentle fingers to wipe away your tears and he's doesn't mind when one (or three) members fall asleep on him.

"Oh my- Hyrule" You drop your defensive stance from being startled and stare at him.

He's bleeding from at least three different areas.

"Hyrule, sugar, sit down!" You rush over to him and help him get into a sturdy position.

You're quick to pull out a potion and help him drink it.

His hand makes its way onto your shoulder as he settles himself down.

You push his hair out of his face with frantic but gentle fingers.

"Hellllllloooo." Hyrule attempts to smile but his head swoops to the side, too heavy for him to keep it up.

"Oh, what happened?" You push up his sleeve and begin to treat the nasty scrape on his forearm.

You know the potion will eventually take care of the injuries

But you're impatient.

"I... Got caught up in a cave."

"Why did you go alone?" You stress as you begin to clean the blood off.

"...Couldn't find Wild."

"Oh my goodness, take me with you next time." You nearly shake him. "Don't go alone."

Hyrule nods and sighs in relief, as the potion begin to effect.

"That sounds like fun."

"Can you not get hurt, for just like... five minutes..."

"I can't make that promise."

"Promise me, you'll at least tell someone that you'll be going somewhere."

"I can do that."

Wind

Wind is down for anything.

He's not afraid of any sort of TLC.

You're sitting next to each other one day for dinner

You both eat until you're full and lean up against each other.

The warmth of the fire heats both of you like a comfortable blanket.

Wind leans up against you and sighs.

You smile and wrap one of your arms around him.

Wind then snuggles closer and hums happily.

You set your plate aside and begin running your fingers through his hair.

Within moments Wind starts to fall asleep against you and he lets himself fall even more against you.

"Sleep hon, I got you."

" 'mkay." Wind adjusts himself one more time and lets his breath even out.

You let him sleep against you for a while until you also decided to hit the hay.

One of the others sets up his bed roll and you pick up Wind.

You begin to make your way over and set him down but your resident pirate holds onto your arm

"-Don't." Wind whines.

You hide your snickers and try to get him to let you go.

He doesn't.

Welp...

You bite the bullet and ask Hyrule to bring over your own bed roll.

With the help of some of the other boys, you get it set up as close as you can get it.

Adjusting your grip, you lay on your side and pull Wind close.

It's bedtime.

So you fall asleep next to him.

Four

Four is actually little more like Legend in terms of initiating contact than he cares to admit.

He's not going to push anyone away if they come to him.

Even if he wants something as simple as a hug, he won't be the one to go and hug someone.

Someone will have to hug him.

But this boy yearns.

And he's bad at hiding it.

You take it upon yourself when he's being a little off to talk to him

Brush his hair

Hold his hand

Hold him close with your arm over his shoulders, a side hug when your both walking.

He lets you.

He leans in closer and tilts his head in your direction.

A silent request for pats.

If you've been playing with his hair for long enough, he'll let you braid it.

You take the time to keep it out of his eyes and occasionally put flowers in it when there's more down time.

Four won't say it but it's one of his favorite times

He wears his flower braids with pride

It's not something that he would do for himself but he wouldn't change it for the world.

It makes him feel special.

#linked universe #linkeduniverse #linked universe x reader #call me out if none of ya'll like the pet names #I feel like I've gone a little off course for this ask

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kithtaehyung · 3 years

Text

Last November (M)

title: last november (m) post date: december 14th, 2020, 8pm est ⤷ revamped/extended: march 27th, 2021, 10pm est pairing: seokjin x reader(f) genre: angst, smut, exes to lovers au summary: you two broke up on good terms. even seeing each other on your friends’ yearly end-of-november trip was never awkward. so why did this trip feel so different? and why does it feel like the end of something that wasn’t even there in the first place? warnings: angst, bad puns and jokes, mutual pining, light dom/sub undertones, oral sex (m/f receiving), nipple play, hair-pulling, choking, rough sex, unprotected sex (pls be responsible!), dirty talk, spanking, creampie, seokjin is a consent king, did i say angst?, did i also say bad puns and jokes? mobile users: alt link if this doesn’t open in tumblr ➛ AO3 word count: 23.7k 24.7k !!

On the last Friday of every November, your group of friends piled into two cars and set off into the mountains.

Ever since you all graduated from high school years ago, everyone branched off into their individual, intricate walks of life. Different towns, different jobs, different social circles.

But before those grand adventures started, each of you promised one thing: a yearly trip to keep the friendship alive.

This time around, you happened to be in the “decidedly more fun” car as Jimin, Taehyung, and your longtime friend Rin jammed the backseat with singing and road trip games. Since Seokjin took driver, you claimed navigator, leaving the front of the vehicle a bit muted compared to the other half. Which was fine - you always loved relaxing on the sidelines while your friends played with chaos and hilarity.

Namjoon kept you company from time to time, too, so you weren’t completely alone in your preferred space.

The only thing that could’ve made the ride awkward was if you and Seokjin were on bad terms.

It wasn’t every day you found yourself sitting beside your ex, after all.

But that simple fact didn’t phase you. The truth was that your breakup was clean and painless - a massive relief to your friends. Back then, it would have torn everyone to pieces picking sides.

The split was so organic that you couldn’t recall an awful reason why it happened. Separation proved as natural as the changing of seasons: you had moved away for university and he powered through his own medical pursuits. Over time, the relationship simmered to a text every few days, resulting in the night in which you decided that it was better to remain friends.

What sucked was the fact that, over the course of time after the breakup, you fell for Seokjin. Annoying, charming, incredible Seokjin.

You didn’t come to terms with it until last November, when you watched his eyes sparkle under an indigo ocean of stars and it just clicked. Agony carved into your heart some nights when you thought about nothing else, but you couldn’t admit your feelings. Not when you two decided that your river had run its course. You couldn’t risk smothering the last embers of your relationship, so radio silence remained your lonely swan song.

Of course you wanted to admit it. You wanted to tell him. Because no matter who came after, they all fell short. Every smile flashed your way, every pair of arms wrapped around your torso, every night spent between the sheets. Nothing compared to what you got from Jin. That man created a hole in your heart that lingered in his wake, a hole through which all of your subsequent relationships plummeted.

The truth was simple: you didn’t want to ruin what you had. Even if what you two would always be was just friends, that endgame was enough for you.

At least, that’s what you told yourself. Every night when you couldn’t sleep, and every morning when you woke up to an empty bed.

Your vision snapped into focus as your phone screen bloomed. The maps app signaled for a turn, so you relayed the direction to Seokjin, who repeated the direction out loud before following through.

Just like always.

The road in front of you melted into a different scene entirely as you recalled why he started that habit. It sprouted from one of your car rides to a diner situated on the other side of your hometown.

During the drive, you did your best as navigator, but your boyfriend was so into the music playing that he missed some turns. One errant right later had you both terribly lost, the surrounding area swallowing the car in darkness. On instinct, you dove into defense mode, trying and failing not to outright panic.

“My maps won’t load,” you stuttered, hitting the screen with your finger, “Shit, shit, shit.”

“Don’t worry, I can just—”

“Don’t tell me not to worry,” you bit out. “Let’s just get out of here.” You hated how pure paranoia pricked at the corners of your eyes. Getting lost was completely irksome and going back home was more appealing to you than moving forward with the date.

“Okay. I won’t,” Seokjin assured you, turning the wheel and rolling the car out from the shadowy street. “How can I help instead?”

“Oh, umm.” With grateful eyes, you stared at your boyfriend and admired his consideration. You’ve never been asked that while upset before. “You could, uh, repeat the directions before following them? That might help.”

His lips curved into a smile, and streetlights flooded the car to bathe his sincerity in a warm glow. “Repeat directions, you got it.”

The memory faded as you blinked and observed the endless mountain range enveloping the road. Snow topped the summits in white caps; coniferous trees swallowed the steep slopes. As if reminiscence clogged your ears, the music in the car seemed louder outside your broken reverie.

Taehyung, as always, took charge of the aux. He usually had an eclectic mix of tunes on rotation but, that time, nothing but upbeat Christmas music was queued. You had to admit: merry music coating the car windows and mountainous scenery claiming your entire vision put you in the best mood.

It was even better when Seokjin sang along. You really did like his singing voice.

“I like my singing voice, too.”

Your eyes snapped toward the driver, expression freezing over as you drank in his delight. Did you really say that out loud? You knew Seokjin enough to know that he was never going to let that go.

“Yeah, well…” You lazily swatted his grin away. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Seokjin chuckled, his hands comfortably resting on the wheel. “Are you offering to do that for me? It’s minimum wage, but I’d hire you.”

Rolling your eyes felt like the only appropriate response, so you did exactly that, your exasperated gaze looping around to land on your phone. “Relish this moment, Seokjin,” you advised, zooming out in the maps app to make sure you were still heading in the right direction, “Because it won’t happen again. And take the next exit. We’re almost there.”

“Yes, yes, next exit.” You missed the smirk on his face as he scanned the roadside for the telltale sign. “Moment relished,” he quipped, “But I prefer my moments with ketchup and mustard.”

Your groan drowned in his boisterous laughter, but the hand on your face betrayed you since it couldn’t quite cover up the glee that formed right after.

An hour later, everyone had unloaded the vehicles at the campgrounds and pitched the tents. While Hoseok and Jungkook worked on starting the fire pit, Namjoon and Jimin took their time organizing the food and snacks. Rin had disappeared with Taehyung somewhere, but Yoongi said he spotted them taking pictures a ways off.

“They should be helping,” he muttered. “There’s a lot to do before it gets dark out.”

Squatting down to rotate sizzling meat on your portable grill, you waved him off. “They’re shot-swapping since it’s golden hour.”

The silence that followed gave you pause. When you looked up in curiosity, Seokjin and Yoongi regarded you like a foreign language coated your tongue, their struggle to decipher it earning a chuckle of pity.

“They’re both huge influencers, so they know how to take pictures. They always do this when we get together,” you explained, spinning the kebab onto another side, “And golden hour is around sunrise and sunset. It looks like everything is soaked in gold, and it makes your pictures look pretty. But that’s an old term already! You geezers should keep up.”

Yoongi simply raised an eyebrow and kneeled to turn his designated stick. Smoke from the charred meat wafted into your noses as he declined, “I’ll pass. That sounds stressful.”

A rapid clapping of tongs next to your ear preceded Seokjin’s offer, “What are we waiting for? Let’s golden hour swap!”

Why did he have to be so endearing? A cough escaped your throat, disjointed laughs following right after in their awkward escape. Beside you, Yoongi flung condescension Jin’s way, his voice stocked with disappointment as he warned, “Don’t speak. You age yourself.”

You transferred your kebabs to a foiled plate before standing, blood rushing to your lower legs. Seokjin was unleashing a hearty tirade at the other man grilling when you intervened, “That sounds nice, actually. I’m in a photography class so I was planning on taking some photos anyways. Lemme just get my camera.”

As you walked away, you couldn’t escape the abrupt change in atmosphere hovering over the grills, its looming tension caressing the back of your coat in a slight push. The words exchanged were soft in volume, but their possible meanings stayed clanging in your ears.

“Did you tell her yet?”

“No.”

“Do it. She deserves to know.”

You slipped out of your tent with a heavy jacket and lightheadedness. Medicine would’ve helped with the latter, but the med kit Seokjin packed remained strictly for emergencies. Besides, you couldn’t quite slap a bandage on what was truly bothering you anyways.

As you inspected your class-registered Polaroid, you continued to wonder what Yoongi meant earlier.

What was he implying? You deserved to know what? You couldn’t say the feeling swirling around your gut was a positive one. After all, there was a distinct difference in what a person should know, and what a person deserved to know. What was so important that Yoongi practically ordered Seokjin to spill?

Was there another person in his life now? That was one thing that crossed your mind, but you filed that under the “should know” category, even though it twisted your stomach to think about.

The news had to be something urgent.

Was Seokjin getting married?

Without your permission, vessels in your heart shriveled, squeezing life from your already battered soul. A betrothal was entirely possible with his pursuit of a medical degree and coming from a well-to-do family. Maybe he was in an arrangement?

That possibility dropped an anvil on your chest. You couldn’t say that you were completely fine were that the truth. How could you be fine with something like that if you loved him? Of course, you would be happy if he was, but your heart would require recuperation for an extended amount of time. Give or take a few years.

You wandered so far into the depths of your mind that Seokjin’s sudden appearance kicked you back to shore, a yelp leaving your mouth at the same time your Polaroid left your hands. If the camera wasn’t hanging from your neck, you would’ve been in deep shit with your professor as soon as it hit the cold soil.

Its bulky frame definitely bruised your lower chest on the downswing, though. “Ow. Geez, Jinnie, you can’t just sneak up on people like that.”

Your eyes widened in realization. Jinnie? Shit, you hadn’t called him that since you guys were dating. Quite obviously, the stockpile of thoughts and worries involving his secret were blocking your brain from better judgment.

And apparently you weren’t the only one affected by that nickname because Seokjin’s eyebrows shot into his dark locks, his peculiar glance shifting away. Odd.

After an awkward second, he cleared his throat. “Does it hurt?”

Is it supposed to? You knew he was inquiring about your injury but your thoughts drifted to what hadn’t been divulged yet. “No, it’s fine,” you lied. “Let’s pick a spot before we lose the light.”

You don’t remember how long you walked, but the pair of you ended up far from the original campsite.

In your defense, it wasn’t like you planned that outcome. The trees matched at every turn, so you kept wandering until you found a good clearing - or at least some rocks to break the forested monotony.

A foil to your pickiness, Seokjin voiced his thoughts every ten paces, his votes of confidence constantly crushed by your boots. If you had a cent for every time he declared a spot “the one,” you could actually afford the Polaroid dangling from your neck.

It was at a calm clearing with some patches from last snowfall where you decided to settle.

Unhooking the strap from your neck, you ushered, “Let’s do this quick. It’s almost over.”

“I wanna do it first!” You thought Seokjin meant to take the camera from you, but instead he scuttled into the clearing, striking a pose once he reached its center. Of course the fool meant that he wanted his pictures taken and not the other way around. How was any other idea plausible? “Hurry up, you said!”

“The ‘S’ in Seokjin stands for ‘Selfish,’” you yelled, positioning the Polaroid against your eye regardless. His face enlarged in the lens and, to his credit, you couldn’t argue that he was the clear model between you two. The man could pursue a career in fashion instead of medicine and you wouldn’t bat an eye.

He looked handsome merely standing there, cheeks dimpling at nothing in particular and his charm ever effortless. Even the slight bags under his eyes didn’t take away from his natural beauty.

Par for the course with Seokjin. That unbothered self-assurance was one of the traits you liked and hated about him.

At least, initially. The more you got to know him, your outlook on that defining characteristic was one of admiration, not hatred. You simply needed to start shoving some of that confidence down your own throat like a different type of vitamin C.

After a telltale camera snap, the man threw out his coated arms in another pose. “And the ‘Seok’ stands for ‘Seok in my presence!’”

“I think I’ve been in it long enough. My fingers are pruny,” you droned while lowering your Polaroid, ignoring his wiggling in the background. It seemed you were still accustomed to his ridiculousness.

Yet another thing you gave him credit for: he was never afraid to be a dork. When you first met him, you admittedly thought he was faking it. Over time, you recognized his authenticity, and you grew fond of everything wrapped in the gift that was Kim Seokjin.

You waited for the picture to materialize in your hand. When your impatient model approached you and asked why you weren’t shaking the polaroid, you informed him that you should, in fact, not do that. “It’ll damage the final product!”

“So that song is…”

“Wrong. Yes.”

Pure shock flashed across his face. “What other lies have I been told?”

The captured memory started blossoming, and you watched as the color bled into life. “That you aren’t the funniest person on the planet,” you answered, earning a scoff.

“In that case, you’ve just been misinformed.” Seokjin huffed before offering an outstretched palm. “Now hand over the camera, it’s your turn.”

“Me?” You didn’t think he was serious when he said swap. In reality, you just assumed he whipped up an excuse for you to take pictures of him.

And you didn’t mind. It was nice to have that charming smile directed at you, even if only through the lens of a camera. The Polaroid would be your shield, blocking Seokjin from the pain swimming in your eyes, barely afloat in pools of regret and guilt and loneliness.

“Yes, woman! When was the last time you had your picture taken?”

Slowly, embarrassment swelled across your cheeks when you realized it had been a very long time. Legitimately long. You never asked others to take your picture; rather, you were always the one behind the lens. The last time someone actually offered was…

“When you took one,” you stuttered out breathily, “At that park.”

It was during one of the last dates you two went on before you left for university. There was a carnival you were dying to visit, and Seokjin surprised you with tickets and a kiss.

You remember being so elated while traversing through the whimsical booths, failing fantastically at the rigged games, scarfing down sticky, billowy cotton candy. Squeaky horns and childish laughter filled your ears, and you could still feel Jin’s gentle fingers on your hand as he shyly tugged you under glowing stringed lights.

The main attraction was a carousel keeping everything else in orbit, its charisma shining like a golden, spinning sun. When night fell, you too gravitated toward its charm, standing behind its barricade to watch horses and teacups endlessly turn.

It was so captivating that you forgot yourself and where you were - who you were supposed to be spending time with. Swiveling in fear, you scanned the bustling crowd for your boyfriend, realizing that you needn’t worry at all.

Seokjin simply waited behind you, holding up his phone and telling you to pose. You were so caught off-guard in that moment that your face contorted hilariously right as he snapped the photo. In his eyes, it was the greatest picture of all time.

However, it wasn’t that well received by its subject. You begged Seokjin to delete it, and he finally caved on the grounds that you took a replacement. Conceding, you stomped back to the gate guarding the twirling attraction and pranked your boyfriend with a blank expression.

But as soon as Seokjin drawled “You look like you don’t care-ousel,” you burst into laughter - your unabashed mirth becoming his background on every device he owned.

The scene faded from your eyes as the current Seokjin stood in front of you, gripping the Polaroid instead of his phone. Gone were the lights and sounds of the theme park and, with them, your fleeting moment of solace.

“Oh,” was all he stated in return, and you swore the temperature chose to drop in that moment just to mock you.

“You know I don’t prefer it anyways.” Your heart was losing its grip, sorrow evident in your shaky tone. You folded your arms to shield your body from the weather and unwanted emotions. “I’m definitely not as photogenic as you.”

“Nonsense,” Seokjin shot back. “Now hurry up, it’s only golden minute now!”

And just like that, his warmth melted any awkwardness like spring chasing away winter.

In retrospect, he probably regarded that moment at the carnival differently, or he just wanted to keep those memories in the past where they belonged. It hurt to be the only one so strongly affected by them, but Jin had the right idea. If there existed a standard list of activities to do with an ex, talking about the past wasn’t one of the options. Especially if you had feelings for said ex.

Plus, you didn’t forget that there was something he had to tell you. It seemed like you were going to have to wait a little longer for that, and your anxiousness wasn’t pleased.

As you ambled to the center of the clearing, you focused more on the crunching sounds your boots made rather than your feelings. With a quick survey of the area, you surmised that it really was a pretty spot, the mountain range peeking behind the trees adding depth to the setting. Adjusting your outfit, you took a breath of courage before staring at the eye of the Polaroid.

Seokjin moved the camera from his face and called your name, roping your gaze to his concern. “Smile, okay?”

On instinct, your throat constricted. You couldn’t hide behind the lens that time. But smile you did, and you hoped Seokjin thought it genuine, silently pleading him to not notice the anguish lingering behind your crescent eyes.

The fire pit your friends constructed blazed bright as you both made it back to the campgrounds. Everyone occupied the surrounding logs and, judging from the soft pop pumping from a portable speaker, Jungkook must have commandeered music control.

Jimin turned when he heard your footsteps, his expression indiscernible as he shifted his gaze between you and Jin. Thankfully, he didn’t say anything, only turning back to Yoongi to continue their conversation.

Seokjin and you parted ways effortlessly: he slotted into the empty space next to Namjoon and you headed to your tent to stow your camera.

And for some reason, that easy departure was hard to swallow.

Your pitched space offered warmth upon entry, and you dumped yourself onto your sleeping bag without a word. A few quiet moments passed before you unzipped your backpack, the tiny action feeling so tedious, so difficult to achieve.

After you finally stored your equipment and closed your bag shut, you just… sat there. Contemplative.

Mentally, you were in a bad place. Your thoughts and emotions banged into each other, their war rendering you powerless - captive. Fidgeting with the plasticky fabric of your sleeping bag, you thought back to what happened after you two left the photo spot.

It was an uneventful walk back for the most part. The polaroids turned out nice, all thanks to the very rare and very expensive camera you borrowed. Seokjin claimed yours and handed you his, and faced with your sudden curiosity, he sheepishly offered, “You don’t have to keep it.”

You were more questioning of the fact that he stored yours in his jacket, but you didn’t want to broach that subject. It was beginning to scare you. Maybe it was the fact that he was acting strange, coupled with the other fact that he was hiding something from you.

Why were you suddenly afraid to confront him? You two were open with each other during your relationship. Were you also wanting to put this dreaded conversation off as long as possible, too?

If he was with someone else, though, would he still be keeping your picture?

It was too much to think about, so you tried to lock everything in a box and sit on it.

You saw the light of the campfire after a few minutes of walking through the woods - a handful of silent, crawling minutes. It was bugging you that Seokjin didn’t say anything on the way back. A quiet Jin was a Jin knee deep in thought, and not in good circumstance. In a moment of weakness, you almost offered out your hand to grab his, but you instead crammed it inside your coat pocket.

When you both rejoined your friends, it seemed so easy for you guys to separate, like you didn’t just go off and do something so intimate. Even though that wasn’t the word you wanted to use.

You resigned yourself to the big picture nonetheless: it wasn’t like what Taehyung and Rin did. Your best friend was insanely popular on social media with her carefully curated feed and relatable-yet-unachievable style. Taehyung had his own massive following for different reasons, and you couldn’t deny that he knew exactly what he was doing to gain the hearts of many. They were snapping photos for each other to show millions of anonymous beings across the world.

You and Seokjin just took photos for each other to have. No one else was going to see those.

Why did you feel like that was significant?

The edge of your sleeping bag began to fray under duress, so you plucked your body off the ground and slipped back outside. What you expected was the temperature dipping a couple degrees in nightfall. What you didn’t expect was Jimin waiting for you, puffy jacket and all, leaning against a tree.

When he saw you emerge from your tent, he straightened and regarded you with caution. “Everything okay?”

You adjusted the front of your coat before fishing a beanie out to cover your ears. “Yeah, why?”

“You were just in there for awhile,” Jimin explained, his eyes searching yours, “And you were with him for a long time.”

“I don’t like being interrogated, Park,” you sighed.

“I know, I just…” He mirrored you and huffed his own breath toward the ground. A quick glance had you noticing that his own beanie was knit as thick as the fog in your mind. “I just want to make sure.”

Jimin was whom you considered closest next to your best friend and formerly Seokjin. After your break up, Jimin regularly sent you texts to check on you, despite your constant assurance that you were okay. It got to a point where you phoned him and pleaded reprieve - to reach out only if he had something critical to say.

His broken reply? He only texted you because Seokjin wouldn’t.

You ended up crying after that call, and the tears annoyingly persisted a couple nights following.

He was also one of the only two people in the world that knew you loved Jin. Rin was the other, and that’s only because you let it slip during a girls’ night over cheap wine and period piece movies. Something about an early morning confession in a dewy meadow was enough to loosen your alcohol-mottled tongue.

After you ran your fingers over your head, you responded, “Can I ask you something?”

Your friend’s eyes roamed over your face. “Of course.”

“What’s he hiding from me?”

Jimin instantly clammed up at the question. His dancer frame assumed a rigid position, each limb locking, including his jaw. “It’s not my place to say,” he answered gravely, pulling anger from your center.

“Does everyone else know this secret except me?” You really couldn’t take it anymore, especially knowing that something you supposedly deserved to know was possibly public knowledge.

“Just the guys,” Jimin divulged, and you scoffed.

“I can’t believe this.” You made to walk away, in the opposite direction of the campfire. Into the woods again.

Jimin said your name like he just wanted you to understand already, halting you mid-stride. “I’ve been trying to get him to talk to you. Trust me, I have.”

“He’s a grown man, Park. His decisions aren’t your problem,” you whispered.

“But aren’t they yours?”

“Not anymore. We aren’t together right now, if you don’t recall.” You knew you were spitting bullshit, and Jimin did, too. If Seokjin wasn’t giving you problems, you wouldn’t have been hiding in your tent or literally and figuratively walking away from him. Guiltily, you turned back to face Jimin and give him his credit.

He was this way for everyone in your group: the glue that hung on and fought to keep people from breaking apart. Whenever a fight broke out between warring parties, Jimin was the middle man. Always.

Sighing, you relented, “I’m sorry I’m taking this out on you. I’m just so confused, and the longer he hides whatever he’s hiding from me, the more restless I’ll be.”

“Everyone is on your side in this,” Jimin replied. “He just needs to, I don’t know, woman up.”

A breath of laughter escaped you at the tweaked phrase, the tension coating your shoulders slowly sliding off in clumps. “Did you say ‘woman up?’”

“Men aren’t shit,” your friend explained, pointing a gloved finger to punctuate every syllable. “At least women get things done.”

“I would totally drink to that if I had a bottle in my hand, Jimin.”

“Ah, well that can be arranged!” The boy’s eyes crinkled as he spun on a heel. “Let’s go. Jungkook and Taehyung brought out the drinks awhile ago. I missed out on a few bottles already talking to you.”

“Oh, I feel so remorseful,” you cooed, your voice worthy of giving kids cavities. “Almost as if I cared.”

“Ass,” Jimin snapped, but he could only laugh. When you joined his side, he turned and whispered, “But seriously. If he doesn’t talk about it by the end of this trip, I’m giving him hell.”

The temperature dropped again at that moment, and the wind blowing through the pines cut straight into your bones. Your shoulders hunched on instinct and you blinked to get needed moisture. Was it going to snow? The skies above did look intimidating. Was it going to storm?

A sudden trepidation settled into your gut. “Did we check the weather,” you queried, shuffling through your brain to see if you monitored it yourself before the trip.

“Uh-umm, I did,” Jimin answered through chattering teeth, “But I didn’t see anything other than it being cold.”

You pulled out your phone and regretted doing so, your fingers freezing over instantly. You were lucky you all chose a location that was still in signal range - really, thanks went to Rin and Taehyung for incessantly demanding it every year.

Pulling up the weather app after a few tries, you cursed at the oncoming forecast. “Well, there’s more to it. Snow’s coming in,” you relayed to Jimin. “Let’s pack up and find a place to stay.”

The car ride to the nearest lodging felt immensely different than the ride to the campgrounds. Some people focused on defrosting, one person worried about the people in the front, and the two said people in the front weren’t talking at all.

It was you that broke the silence when you steadily gave directions, and Seokjin would repeat them like always. Selfishly, you wanted the car ride to keep going just so you could hear his voice. He wasn’t saying anything otherwise, and there wasn’t music playing for him to absentmindedly sing along to.

The first snowfall was light as your caravan entered the small town nearby, which relieved you. Tiny snowflakes clung onto the windows and you lost yourself in their geometric patterns. Lights from the shops and other stray cars reflected in the slick roads to create a symphony of color, and white patches already settled on trees that lined the main way.

Seokjin spotted the lodge first, and he rolled into a spot towards the entrance, Jungkook’s car slotting into the next space. Your driver rolled down his window and repeatedly pointed his finger down to signal for Yoongi to follow suit. “Let’s go in and make sure they have our rooms first,” he called out, and Jungkook leaned over his console to shout a hearty okay.

You hoisted yourself out of the car and waited for the boys to follow. Seokjin went to stand next to you, but instead of Jungkook popping out of the other car, it was Namjoon that emerged. You could only guess that the youngest slyly started a game to have the loser get out.

Your stomach turned when you realized it was most likely because no one wanted to be left alone with you and Seokjin.

Remorse burned your throat. This trip was supposed to be fun, but it just felt strained. Were you overthinking? Or was your churning gut correct in its assumption?

At the very least, you hoped everyone else was having a better time than you were.

It seemed that the man beside you had the same feeling that a challenge was pitched. “Rock-paper-scissors? Or nose goes?”

Namjoon just laughed at the ground as his face flushed. “Nose goes, and I put my finger on my mouth so, umm, that’s that.”

You chuckled while you three made your way to the door, both of them towering over you on either side. Seokjin opened the entrance for everyone and, when you stepped foot inside, you were hit with a wave of warmth mixed with an undercurrent of gingerbread. The entirety of the main entrance bathed in plaid or embroidered throws, and there was an obvious affinity for Christmas on display with the plethora of garlands, lights, and a towering Christmas tree in the front bay window.

Namjoon and Seokjin quickly got distracted by the toy train running through a snowy village setup. Adorable, but not helpful.

Alone at the front desk, you received confirmation that your group had four bookings, and you thanked the concierge while you gathered the keys.

The rooms weren’t next to each other. One of them sat on another floor, and the rest were separated but shared the same level.

A container of pamphlets caught your attention, so you grabbed one before strolling away. “Guys, let’s claim our rooms. After that, you can watch the train all you want,” you called out, tapping them both on the back with the thin brochure.

They swiveled their heads to your retreating form before following you out the door.

“No. We are not doing that again.”

“Come on, hyung, it’ll be fun!”

“I’m with Yoongi on this one. We could all end up in the same room.”

“But what if you get a room to yourself?”

“Why can’t we ever just pick like normal people? And Hoseok-hyung, you laugh but you have the worst luck out of all of us.”

“Excuse me! That’s only because you all psyche me out!”

“Let’s just pick something. My phone’s almost dead.”

You stood next to Rin while you two watched the boys decide how room assignments were determined. It was a sight to see: them crowding the small hallway, bags littered around their bulky shoes. You both were thankful they were courteous enough to let you two keep a room to yourselves. They even made sure yours wasn’t on the other floor, just so that you girls wouldn’t be alone.

They were going to pick random rooms one-by-one, not knowing which options the others picked until they opened a door. If you and your friend also had to choose, you were risking the possibility of being stuck with Seokjin, which was the last thing you wanted.

On a day where your friendship was actually normal, that wouldn’t have mattered one bit. But right then? The tension surrounding him would have been detrimental.

He had something to say; he wasn’t saying it. You were a sitting, fidgeting duck.

Jungkook whipped his phone out to search the internet for a random coin flip generator. “Here. Heads, we do it. Tails, we don’t.”

Yoongi just snickered in defeat and already started picking up his bag. “I call picking first.”

His intuition proved sharp as the generator pulled up Heads: they were going with the random room assignments. Taehyung kicked his head back with a sigh, and Jimin and Jungkook burst into laughter while the elders collectively groaned.

As Rin giggled at their misfortune, you sent a rueful smile Seokjin’s way out of habit. You were still friends, after all, and he seemed so distraught over the prospect of horrid results. His eyes locked onto yours and, for a brief moment, he offered a shy grin in return.

The fluttering in your chest was quickly shooed away.

It was while everyone relaxed around a public lounge area that Jungkook hurled an accusation, his eyes alight with the flames licking the nearby fireplace. “Hyung cheated.”

Seokjin immediately sat up in his plush chair and retorted, “Take that back! I did nothing of the sort. You all were just too lazy to take the stairs to the next floor.”

Taehyung shot him a side eye and shared his own eloquent opinion. “Seems sus.”

A whole new wave of bickering erupted, and you redirected your attention to the snow storm blustering outside tall windows.

You were thanking every deity above that you guys decided to leave in time. It would’ve been hell in the campsite during this weather, or even while squeezed into the cars.

Though the original plans were derailed, you were pretty happy with the current lodging situation. Who knew a small town would have a humongous lodge? It had to be assumed that this was the main business keeping the town running. Rin was absolutely drinking it in and stated she even wanted to bring her family there, her thoughtfulness curving your mouth upwards.

Another good thing that came out of this trip proved to be the room assignments that Jungkook ended up loathing. They had you clutching your sides when all was said and done.

Four of the boys managed to pick the same room, and Hoseok and Yoongi snagged a room to themselves. These results resulted in one Kim Seokjin speeding up and down the hallway, wholeheartedly shouting with glee. Yoongi almost crumpled to the ground in relief at the end, and Hoseok fell over in laughter when he entered the full room. You could feel the desperation in Namjoon’s muffled voice as he begged Seokjin to let him change rooms. The only reply he received was an ominous “If you behave.”

“Don’t blame us,” Yoongi laughed out, both hands lightly gripping the arms of the rocking chair he chose. “This is what you young people get for trying to be cute.” His relief from only having to bunk with one other person left him chipper, you noticed. To his credit, it was amusing that the youngest four ended up in the same room.

“Okay, gramps,” Jungkook snapped, earning a laugh from Jimin on the seat next to him. “But she definitely gave hyung clues!”

You whipped your head around to shoot a confused look toward your accuser. “Me?”

Multiple eyes darted between you two like pinballs, and you didn’t have time to brace for his next words,

“You know you won’t see him again after this trip, so you—”

“—Kook!”

All oxygen abandoned you as Jimin rushed to shut the younger man’s mouth, practically slapping his face. Eyes popped out of his head as Jungkook paled in realization.

The rest of the boys bore glares into the youngest one’s countenance, but Seokjin turned directly towards you with concern.

What just happened? Your fingers gripped the varnished wood of your chair as you slowly locked eyes with your ex, and your heart dropped like a stone when he shifted his gaze to the floor.

What the fuck was happening? Your brain was going haywire. What did Jungkook mean? You wouldn’t see Seokjin after this trip? The man that you couldn’t wait to see on the last Friday of every November? That was bogus. He was joking. It was a joke, right? One more weekend before Seokjin was gone from your life forever? Impossible. Ludicrous.

Why wasn’t anyone saying anything?

Beside you, Rin clutched one of your tense fists in her soft palms. Addressing the group, her sharp tone demanded an answer when she asked, “What the hell is going on?”

The silence that followed was palpable. Not even the pleasant music drifting through the lodge was enough to damper the tension.

“I think,” Yoongi finally murmured, his words ice, “This is our cue to leave.”

“No need,” your friend snipped, “We’ll go.” She whispered your name before softly tugging you to vacate your seat.

When you pried yourself from the cushion, it took a moment for you to control your legs to actually move. You knew all the guys were watching you, but you were too embarrassed to acknowledge them, too upset to look any of them in the eye.

Rin led you away from the lounge, making sure you were heading toward the nearest staircase before spinning on her heel. “To the unfortunate soul that gets to explain this to me,” she bit, clutching everyone’s attention in her underlying threat, “Text me where to meet you in ten minutes.”

Both you and Rin occupied the carpet, backs against the cookie cutter sofa that existed in each room.

You two pushed the furniture around so that the couch faced the windows instead of the plain TV, and you surprised your friend by dumping yourself onto the ground instead of the cushions. Rin didn’t question you, though. She only followed suit.

The curtains were shoved to the side to reveal the relentless storm, and you watched the swirls and streaks of white until your head fell onto Rin’s shoulder.

“I should’ve been paying attention to you,” she murmured, “I’m sorry.”

You shook your head, the motion feeling awkward in its tilt. “No, no. You’ve been having a fun time, so I’m happy I didn’t ruin that.” Your laugh was dry. “Until now, at least.”

Rin lowered her shoulder so that you rested more comfortably. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I’m going through a breakup again.”

Fuck. You didn’t realize until the words left your lips that it’s how you really felt.

It had been a few years since you guys ended things. Throughout that whole time, you didn’t feel awkward one bit.

Well, that wasn’t entirely true. The “date” that Seokjin brought to the Christmas party last year made you want to tear your hair out. But, that was because she was obviously after his finances and that was the year you realized you loved him.

The conversation you had with Seokjin turned sour, but you really wanted him to see the big picture. You could still recall that night with clarity, the snow falling much lighter than what you currently witnessed outside.

“Seokjin, do you honestly think she likes you?” The red dress you wore was so vibrant that it glinted off the dinnerware spread across the decadent table nearby.

When you pulled your ex aside that night, the only quiet place you could find was the dining room, long abandoned once everyone got their seconds. Up until this point, it was obvious Seokjin wasn’t understanding you. You tried to tell him how you saw it, and he would just brush things aside.

“You sound like you care more than I do,” he accused, his eyes looking everywhere but your face.

Before you responded, you scoffed. “I’m your friend. Of course I’m going to care.”

You remember the strong emotions you suppressed that night. You couldn’t let more things slip than necessary. Yes, you could show him you cared. Yes, you could show him he needed someone else. Just as long as you didn’t give too much of your own feelings for him away. “You deserve someone that at least likes you, for you.”

Seokjin finally stared back at your stormy features, his eyes filled with something unsaid. You sucked in a breath. What else would he say? You liked him for everything he was, but that relationship didn’t pan out. Obviously. You would’ve been going to this Christmas party together if you still dated.

Maybe you shouldn’t have been having that conversation - it was already hard enough for you to say you were his friend. You wanted to be more than that. Again.

“I know she doesn’t like me,” he finally admitted, running a hand through his bangs. The urge to caress his ever soft strands filled you with grief.

You really did like his hair, and it looked even better when coupled with his Nutcracker-esque attire.

“Then why…” You struggled to find a reason why they were even there together. It was a Christmas party with your friends. Why would he bring someone that he didn’t like?

“She’s interested in Namjoon.” Seokjin’s eyes quickly turned into crescents when he witnessed your expression, and his full lips pursed to contain his laughter. “I was trying to get her off me the whole night, but she was trying harder than she needed to to make him jealous. I’m irresistible, you know.”

“Irritable is more like it,” you growled, playfully shoving him aside. “Ass! I was just trying to protect you and you knew this whole time!”

“It’s nice to know you’re looking out for me!” The man beamed as he made his way out of the dining room.

“Yeah, well,” you whispered, tensing slightly when he stopped. “They have to be perfect. It’s what you deserve.” And you really did mean that.

Seokjin’s smile faltered, and you shot him a half-smile before exiting the room yourself.

That was the last time you guys had an argument, if you could even call it that. The rest of the moments you had with him were completely fine. You wondered if Seokjin could see through you during that conversation. He was perceptive, sure, but you may have gotten away with looking like just a good friend.

It was just worrisome since you couldn’t control your emotions that night. You only got to see him in person during these November trips and Christmas parties when you went home, after all. Seeing him again after realizing you loved him ignited something within you, and it took the whole night to put that fire out.

This looming news just felt way too heavy to handle. Was it because you reached where the sidewalk ended? You weren’t going to see his face in person or hear his laugh out loud. There wasn’t going to be off-the-cuff, awful dad jokes thrown your way every end of November.

A nagging idea, far in the depths of your mind, kept tapping your shoulder. But you brushed it off with a scowl.

Even if you acknowledged the concept, there was no way Seokjin felt the same about you. Neither one of you said you loved each other throughout the time you were dating. Were there times you thought you did? Admittedly, yes. Did you ever think about telling him? Another yes. But he never hinted that he felt the same, so it would’ve been awkward for you if it turned out he didn’t. The absence of a confession kept you from revealing yours. So of course even now, you couldn’t tell him. Especially since he was apparently leaving.

Rin didn’t speak for awhile, but you knew she wasn’t the best at comforting people. She was number one at standing up for you and protecting you, but when it came to the softer parts of consoling, she did flounder. Which was endearing and calming in itself.

“How can I help,” she simply offered, and you nuzzled further into her neck. She always smelled so nice, your guardian Rin.

The adrenaline from Jungkook’s bombshell, your swift exit, and the constant stream of thoughts started to wane. Exhaustion slowly took its place like honey sliding into a jar. Softly, your eyelids drooped and you whispered, “This room is a castle, so be my big bad dragon and don’t let anyone in.”

The last sound you heard before falling asleep was a tinkling laugh followed by a small “As you wish, princess.”

When you regained consciousness, you discovered that you were strewn across one of the beds instead of the ground. You couldn’t even estimate how much time passed while you were out, but the storm outside was still thrashing and the only light in the room was the emergency one by the door.

You groggily propped up weary limbs in search of your phone, eventually swiping it from the nightstand. Still half-asleep, you barely registered the pain meds and glass of water sitting on that same table, their dark silhouettes waiting patiently.

Bright pixels mocked your drool-covered chin. Scrunching your face instinctively, you scrolled through your notifications while blinking sleep from your lashes. You received multiple texts, but you didn’t want to open the threads completely, so you opted to check them from the Home screen.

Jiminie [7:20pm]: Fuck, I’m sorry that happened. Please be okay. Love you.

Tae [7:21pm]: free hugs whenever you need. you know the drill.

Rin-Rin [7:36pm]: I know you said not to let anyone in but I literally couldn’t carry you to the bed. Forgive me!

Yoongi [7:37pm]: He’s in his room. I kept telling him to tell you. I know it’s shit to find out this way so if he doesn’t explain things to you, I will.

Hobi [7:39pm]: we’re here for u love!! let me know if u need anything. there’s a small concession stand downstairs so if u need smth i can run it up!!

Jiminie [7:40pm]: Kook is in bad shape. He swore he thought hyung told you already. Don’t worry tho. I’m not letting him off easy.

Rin-Rin [7:43pm]: Hey, love. Just spoke to Seokjin. I think you need to talk to him yourself, but only if you feel up for it.

Joonie [7:45pm]: I gave Rin a bottle of pain meds we had in our room

Joonie [7:45pm]: Go ahead and take some when you wake up

Joonie [7:45pm]: We can count this as an emergency

Jiminie [8:21pm]: Let me know if you’re okay, okay?

Kook [8:33pm]: I’m so sorry

Rin-Rin [8:48pm]: Grabbing us some snacks from downstairs, I’ll brb.

Your battered heart sank even more when you noticed a distinct absence amongst the names. Seokjin didn’t send you a single message.

What had gotten into him? Did he still not want to talk to you despite you knowing his secret? You clicked your phone shut without opening any of the messages and sunk into the pillows. It was 8:49pm, so you had barely missed Rin’s departure. Her exit was probably what woke you.

Unwittingly, you found your device in front of your baggy eyes again, berating yourself for hovering over Seokjin’s thread. The last text he sent stared back at you in a mocking set of pixels.

Kim JokeJin [Thursday, 9:23pm]: Let’s make this one the best one!

With the previous context, this was just a regular message about the yearly trip. With the right context, these words tied your throat in a knot.

You were sure you loved him, but what you were feeling now was even stronger. If you were honest with yourself, you would say that this is what yearning truly felt like, what something deeper than love felt like.

But you were a fool and a liar, so you convinced yourself it was only because you wouldn’t see him again.

As soon as you were about to give up and lock your phone, the thread updated with a new text from Seokjin, and you stilled.

Kim JokeJin [8:51pm]: You’re probably still asleep, so I don’t want to wake you.

You immediately clicked on his message, your anxiousness protected by the absence of Read receipts. The typing bubble kept popping in and out of the screen and, with bated breath, you waited to see if a second text slid into the thread. A hard exhale whooshed from your throat when the second message came through.

Kim JokeJin [8:53pm]: But I owe you an explanation so come up when you can.

Fingers locked your phone in an instant when the door creaked on its hinges. Rin entered with an armful of chips and various candy bars, and as you started to get up, she tutted.

“Sit down, lady.” Packages crinkled as she dumped them onto your covered legs in a processed, sweet and salty heap. “Did you take the medicine?”

You shook your head, very sure that you looked like a cranky Troll doll.

“Go ahead and eat something really quick so the medicine will work. When you’re awake enough…” Rin’s voice trailed off, but you filled in the blanks yourself. Go talk to him was what she wanted to say.

“Can’t you just tell me what he said?” You were hopeful that Rin would save you the pain of confronting Seokjin yourself. In reality, she denied your request.

“Not this time,” she murmured, “This is something that needs to come from him.”

You figured as much, but it didn’t hurt to try getting out of it. It was a conversation that you both wanted and dreaded to have. Under your goosebumps, your bones trembled.

If you were frightened by the mere gist of it, how were you going to react to the real thing?

The reality was that you needed the closure Seokjin was offering. You didn’t think this vacation - or your friendship, for that matter - could regain normalcy until you had this talk. “Sorry I ruined this trip,” you whispered, playing with a corner of the closest bag of chips.

“I’m sorry, is your name ‘Jungkook?’” Rin laughed. “I’m kidding. It’s not ruined. At the very least, it’s salvageable. Maybe.”

“You should be a weather girl with these confident forecasts,” you joked, coaxing a laugh from your friend. You offered a small smile in return, but your heart wasn’t in it. She kinda forgot that this is the last trip you guys would have with Seokjin. If anything, it was doomed from the start.

Little striations ran across the door greeting you, shallow cuts skirting up and down the frame. You roved your eyes over the rough texture; contemplative, lost in the mahogany brown expanse.

If only you were a sturdy tree. You wouldn’t have to worry about any hard conversations in life. All you would’ve had to worry about was possibly becoming a rickety chair for a spoiled brat, or one of Namjoon’s tables that he would eventually damage and lament over.

With a breath, you finally knocked.

It didn’t take long for Seokjin’s freshly showered form to answer, and when you saw him dressed down to a plain white shirt and black pants, you quickly shifted your eyes to the floor. Didn’t he know that outfit was your favorite? Your weakness?

“Hey,” you simply said. “I’m awake now.”

He nodded and let you in, the door closing with a soft click. When you crossed the room, you stopped in front of the couch, anticipation already caking onto your clothes. There wasn’t much to say on your end, you figured, so Seokjin had to take the lead.

Instead of launching into topic, he walked towards you and grabbed a bottle from his nightstand. “Do you want some water?”

You could only stare at the plastic in question. “Did I come here for water, Seokjin?”

There was a heavy pause before the man planted his offering on the nightstand. “No.” Sitting on the longer side of his bed, he clasped his hands together, blank eyes glued to the floor. “Jungkook is right. I won’t be able to go on these trips anymore.”

“Why?”

“I, umm,” Seokjin answered, his words fumbling, “I kinda got into Harvard Medical School.”

“What?” Your anxiousness was forgotten as you gawked at him. That was what he was holding back from you? All this time? That amazing, fantastic, crazy news? Without thinking, you bounded toward him and crushed him in a hug, careful to not push him back onto the bed. “Seokjin! This is what you couldn’t tell me?”

His arms remained at his sides. When he responded, his explanation bounced onto your shoulder, “I literally won’t have a life once I start. None of you will be able to see this face, isn’t that enough to be sad about?”

Another moment of weakness came over you, and instead of overcoming it, you gave in. Your arms tightened around him and you whispered, “No, I’m so happy for you. You’ve worked so hard…”

There were bags under his eyes for a reason. You knew the nights he got three hours of sleep far outweighed the nights he got more than that. The reason you two didn’t get to see each other was his relentless studying and discipline, and you didn’t want him to have to choose between you and a future career. You both were way too young for those rash decisions.

It was with this memory that you were reminded of why you broke up: you wanted him to focus on his goals and you would do the same. “Really, I’m so proud of you.”

Why you hadn’t let go of him at that point was a mystery to you, but you couldn’t seem to stop. The feel of his body against yours consumed you, held you captive even if his arms didn’t.

But after a moment, you felt strong limbs wrap around your sides and emotion wrap around your throat.

You don’t remember the last time you two truly embraced. It was a given that the last time you did, you were both completely different people. Both so young. Both so naive.

“Thank you,” Seokjin breathed, his head finally a beautiful burden on your shoulder, “But there’s more.”

Tension froze your veins, taking the color from your complexion. Of course there was more. There was no way that was the big reveal, even though it was a monster in itself. “Oh,” was all you managed to squeak out.

Seokjin’s arms gently pushed your body away so that he could look you in the eyes. You already missed his stronghold, but you listened as he spoke. “My parents want me to go back home. To Korea.”

You blinked. “Even though you got into Harvard?”

“No, no, after that,” Seokjin expressed with a level of confidence only he could achieve. Like it was inconceivable that he wouldn’t get his doctorate. He then searched your face, the pause holding weight. “So, I don’t know if I’ll see you guys again.”

The wind howled outside and you shivered as if you were standing out there in the cold. There was so much that you wanted to say, but all the thoughts you had in your head melded together into sludge. Words struggled to leave your mouth. Nothing processed correctly in your brain.

Seokjin wasn’t joking - not this time. He really was going to be swamped in work and work and more work. Even the holidays were going to be crammed, and you were sure he wanted to use those rare rest periods solely to recharge.

Yes, he would still be able to text and call everyone, but that would be the extent of communication. He wasn’t big on social media. Even if he was, there would certainly be a dip in his activity now.

Just like you felt earlier, you really did feel like you were going through a breakup again. Only this time, the last remains of your relationship were at stake.

You didn’t want that.

“We’d still be friends,” you weakly offered, wondering if you were just saying that to convince yourself.

An empty chuckle startled you, and when you looked at Jin, he directed an empty gaze toward his nightstand’s lamp. “Yeah… We’d still be friends,” he repeated, and the way he said that made your shoulders sag. It was almost as if he didn’t believe you.

“But Seokjin… You should be so happy. I mean, you’re incredible,” you whispered, a heavy feeling weighing down your chest.

“What if I’m not?”

You sucked in a breath, suddenly not knowing what to do. Was he saying that hypothetically? No. There wouldn’t be a reason for him to ask if he truly was.

How were you supposed to respond to that? Being a doctor was his goal - you were sure of it. If he got accepted into Harvard of all places, then his future glimmered as bright as his charm. “What do you mean,” was what you decided to say. Because you needed more from him than that.

“You said I should be happy. What if I’m not?”

“This is what you’ve been working towards your whole life!” It didn’t make any sense. None of this was making any sense. Who wasn’t happy that they got accepted to one of the most prestigious medical programs in the world? “You did everything you could, and now you have something to show for it! We even broke up over this. And that’s fine,” you quickly added at the end. You didn’t want Seokjin to feel bad for that at all.

“What I’m trying to say is,” you continued, wanting to get every logical word out before more irrational ones escaped. “You’ve gotten everything you wanted. You deserve to be happy.”

You could feel the doors of your heart scraping shut. Even if you wanted to try to be with him again, you would have to give up on that dream. There was no way it was going to work if it didn’t pan out last time.

Fists clenched, you hated how your heart gravitated towards Seokjin on this damn trip, loathed how your brain produced its own highlight reel. Somehow, they both knew this was the end before you did.

“I don’t have everything I want, but you’re right. I’ll be happy.” He sounded bitter. Why did he sound so bitter?

“What more could you want,” you blurted, the question materializing between the two of you in bold letters. You were just getting frustrated at this point.

This was his dream. The ultimate goal. The one thing he wanted out of life.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does to me.”

“Well, it’s none of your concern.”

“I don’t care if it is or not.”

“You really want to know?” Seokjin shot off the bed, immediately towering over your small stature. As your eyes reached his face, you watched as his lips twisted, your shocked features taking in his frustration. “It’s… It’s love, okay? That might sound weird to you, but I’ve realized that all of this is pointless without it. That’s what I’m missing. I want to love again.” He shoved a hand through his hair, his forehead slightly wrinkling under duress.

The first thing that threw you off was the mere mention of the word. That was so brave of him to even bring it up. With you, of all people: someone he’s dated before. It must have taken so much courage for him to admit that.

But there was another word in there that stood out amongst all the others.

Again. He said again. Did he love someone before? He couldn’t have been referring to what you guys had. You never once said those words to each other while you dated. So who was he thinking of? And why did it hurt to know that he had loved before and it wasn’t you?

“I didn’t know you wanted that,” you replied, your voice painfully small. “But I don’t think it’s weird.”

You wanted nothing more than to just confess to him already, but you had no clue what he would say if he didn’t want something with you. The moment escaped like a thief in the night.

“Ah, well, if you knew the whole story,” Seokjin sighed, his breath shaky, “You would definitely think it’s stupid.”

“Why did it end the first time?” You wanted to get to the bottom of it. Maybe through his explanation, you could find something salvageable. You cared about him - so damn much. Seeing him in a state of utter helplessness seized your heart and gripped it tight. “With the one you… you loved. What happened?”

Seokjin’s indiscernible stare pierced through your soul, his silence screaming that he didn’t want to talk about it.

And you understood his reluctance. The list of activities to do with an ex didn’t include this as an option, either.

You felt the steely aftertaste of guilt on your tongue. Maybe he wanted you to just leave him alone already. Besides, you already pushed him to tell a multitude of truths that night. Asking him about a past love life was most likely crossing the line. “I’m sorry,” you apologized, uprooting yourself from your spot to leave. “You don’t have to tell me. I’ll leave you alone.”

You made it three steps before Seokjin responded, “She decided to end it.”

A vice clamped your chest. You stood in your new spot closer to the door, eyes boring into the floor. “Even though you were in love?”

That must have been awful. If you loved him when you two broke it off, it would have absolutely hurt. Very much like what was happening to you now, in fact. Because fuck, were you absolutely disintegrating like a paper on fire.

“I don’t think she loved me,” Seokjin disclosed, his words tightening the clasp around your lungs. “But I loved her.”

“I’m so sorry, Seokjin.” Tears brimmed across your eyes, but you didn’t want him to see you break. You thrummed with so many emotions in that moment, swept by the current of his words, his heavy tribulations.

He loved someone in the past. You loved him in the present. If only you both harbored a love for each other in at least one point in your lives.

“That must have been hard.”

“It wasn’t, for the most part.” His brittle words crumbled as they appeared. “I saw it coming.”

You chewed on your lip. Seokjin’s confessions were so full of pain - the amount of love he had for this person was obvious. Looking back on your relationship, you remember your split being mutual. It was mutual, right? There weren't any feelings involved. Whichever other situation Seokjin was referring to had to be sometime after you.

Maybe it was someone during his college days. But wouldn’t you have at least heard about them through the friend circle? Their name must have just left your mind. You knew Seokjin flirted a lot but he needed to be serious to really start a relationship. This one just sounded tragic.

“I don’t know what to say,” you admitted sincerely, your chest about ready to collapse, “Other than don’t give up. You can do it. Love again.” The joints in your knees threatened to give out. Telling the one you loved that he could find someone again was too much. Too, too much.

“Ah, yeah. Well.” Seokjin turned away from you in a shrug. Even the back of his profile was perfect. “Thanks for being a good, uh, friend.”

Friend. Could you teleport to your room and stay there? You couldn’t be the one to give him what he wanted, especially since he was about to be gone for a very long time. No matter how much you wanted to. Oh, how you wanted to.

You swung around to face the door once again. Critical words almost freed themselves from your lips, but you held them back, swallowed them down. “I’ll always be your friend.”

Head storming, you commended yourself for keeping your voice level. The tears were able to recede - which relieved you, since you wanted to make it through the rest of the conversation with dry eyes. With one tiny head shake, you whispered, “Let’s get some sleep, okay? I don’t want us to ruin the rest of this trip. Like you said before, we have to make it the best one.”

Seokjin got up and made his way over to you, and you turned around with a fresh face once you knew he was close enough. The smile he wore was manufactured, but you didn’t want to pry. Instead, you repeated your advice as you both approached his door. Because you wanted him to understand. “Seriously. Don’t give up, you hear me?”

“Don’t give up,” he echoed as he pulled on the handle, like you were just giving him directions. He stilled for a moment in deep concentration before looking your way. Dark eyes bore into yours and you could almost hear them speak, but he gave one final nod and vowed, “Okay.”

Little striations met you again when you gave Seokjin’s closed room one last look, and you swore they regarded you with pity. Finally breaking, you let your tears fall the whole way back to your floor, wishing to be made into a sturdy tree in your next life so you never had to feel that way again.

The next morning found all nine friends situated in various places around Seokjin’s room. You thought it amusing that the boys never really settled for normal seats, always choosing a table or windowsill perch instead. As an avid fan of the floor yourself, apparently, you were once again plopped on the ground in front of the sofa. Only this time, you weren’t drowning in the depths of your past.

“Looks like the snow piled up high last night, so we might not be able to use the cars,” Namjoon observed after his long fingers created a tiny crack in the curtains. His argyle sweater blended in with the burgundy fabric and the sight put a small smile on your face.

The action surprised you since you spent the whole night swathed in a blanket of regret, your arms caging your ribs in an attempt to stopper your bleeding heart. If only you were so bold as to allow a confession to fall from your lips. Three words to solve two peoples’ problems.

But the risk involved was too high. The hurt following an unrequited love confession would haunt you through every sunrise and sunset.

Jungkook’s exasperated voice sliced through your thoughts. “What are we gonna do then?” You glanced at him right as he threw himself onto Seokjin’s bed, bouncing the other two occupants like buoys amongst waves.

“What we can do: stay in,” Yoongi responded while repositioning himself against the headboard.

Taehyung’s sigh mingled with Rin’s tsking noise, Jungkook’s deeper groan almost in harmony with the both of them. Their melancholic concerto almost pulled a laugh out of you, but the next suggestion came from Hoseok, “I brought some board games we could play. Cards, too.”

Seokjin quickly shot him a look. “You don’t play board games. Or games. Or cards. Actually, what do you do?”

“I look after all of you.” Hoseok’s head always bobbed when he spoke to accentuate his points. “Hence why I brought board games and cards just in case!”

You couldn’t refute the man’s claims, either. Hoseok always made sure everyone packed what they needed before trips but brought extra stuff in the event that the group needed something else. Helping was just part of his nature. Yesterday was one example. Rin got the snacks last night, but you were sure he would have woken up at any point in time to be your comfort food delivery man. If being a leader were a sport, Hoseok would be the dark horse that you never saw coming until they finished first. Then you couldn’t deny their talent and skill.

Taehyung didn’t let the dark horse live, though. “Thanks, hyung. Did you pack a snowblower, too?”

Rin’s laugh could always be heard amongst your friends, but not because she was a girl. Hers was just so distinct and heartwarming, like a cozy throw or the thought of cookies in the oven. It was only slightly better than Jimin’s.

Speaking of which: Jimin was eerily quiet throughout the whole meeting, his gaze lingering on you more than once. You noticed it ever since you burst into Seokjin’s room and lauded the man’s scholastic advancement. Which couldn’t be helped. No matter how painful last night’s conversation was, you still wanted him to know how proud you were. After all, a person could be sporting a dagger through their heart but still have love to give.

You didn’t know why Jimin was acting strange. The big secret was unveiled but you would come to terms with it. Was he afraid of how you would be feeling? Or was he just sympathizing with you because he assumed you weren’t exactly fine? Talking to him later to iron things out was going to be essential. The multiple glances he threw your way proved too much.

“I have a pamphlet we can look through,” you responded, waving it in the air like a white flag. The decision to bring it just in case proved to be the right one, even if Rin threw a small fit from having to fumble through her bag for the room key again. Warmth from the thick hoodie swallowing both your body and your bent legs validated the first time you went back into your room.

Rin stuck her tongue out at you but smiled right after in her best Sour Patch Kid impression. Cute. You breathily laughed before unfolding the flimsy paper. Shifting your eyes along the colorful pages, you started listing out the lodge activities. “Okay, so we have… Kayaking: no. Lake yoga: no. Mountain biking: no…”

Even though the lodge boasted a huge amount of things to do, the majority of them required there to not be four billion inches of snow outside. Only a few remained, and majority rules determined ski slopes the winner.

The only issue with the slopes was that they only allowed groups of three at a time. To remedy this, groups were formed and a rotation was set based on a heated tournament of rock-paper-scissors. And while Hoseok didn’t play board games, cards, or even video games, he seemed to be a pro at that.

He picked Seokjin and Yoongi for his group, and they were going out first, to the eldest’s horror. You saw his anxiousness coming from miles out - tackling snow with one board was much more up his alley than tackling it with two.

Next, Jungkook chose Namjoon and Jimin since he wanted to somehow “win” on the slopes. They gave him much grief for that.

And that left you with Rin and Taehyung, but they wanted to check out the spa area first, so your group was going to catch up later.

Which wasn’t ideal for you. You wanted to watch Seokjin ski. Or really, you just wanted to see him as much as possible before the trip ended. Seok in his presence, like he said. Maybe being pruny in this case was a beautiful thing.

Room Service knocking on the door interrupted your thoughts, and Jimin let them in to serve the breakfast Seokjin ordered for everyone prior. While the dishes were distributed, the group was already firing bets and insults and digs at each other as if a clear winner would emerge outside. And you welcomed every bit of their energy. Chewing on food while basking in everyone’s competitive nature was enough of a distraction from your woes. At least, until you caught Jimin deep in thought again.

The spa was decent, so you three ended up staying for almost an hour. Both the sauna and facial massage served to ease the thick layer of tenseness under your skin. If only you could transport yourself into a cloud of steam every time you thought about Seokjin. Maybe that would’ve helped with the anxiousness and guilt you felt every time you thought about confessing.

And you were grateful for Taehyung tagging along because he really did offer free hugs often. Even while Rin scanned over the receipt for everything you guys did, the man slung a lean arm around your shoulders.

His voice glided over your hair when he leaned in to ask, “How did it go last night?”

You sighed before responding, debating on how to answer him. You decided to take the easy route. “Good. Better than I expected. I just can’t believe it took him that long to tell me! I was so worried this whole time.”

Taehyung squeezed you gently. “Finally. We kept telling him to just admit it already.”

Rin was in the middle of paying when you smiled. Her hair gleamed in the incandescents, and you reached out to touch it as you admitted, “It’s just weird that he wanted to hide that from me.”

“Well, you’re his ex, so he thought it would’ve been awkward.”

A laugh shot out of you, and Taehyung gave you a look. “Seokjin’s so strange. He knows I’ve been rooting for him this whole time. I mean, Harvard? That’s incredible.”

Normally, friends would converse about achievements and be sincerely happy about them. But something else happened in that moment that set alarm bells off in your head. Whether it was Rin becoming a block of ice in front of you, or Taehyung slowly peeling his arm off of your shoulders, you suddenly got a feeling that something wasn’t right.

When Rin spun around to face you, the expression painted on her face reminded you of those Renaissance pieces you saw during one museum date with your ex. Her eyebrows artfully scrunched; her full lips twisted. Was she on the side of the angels, battling demons? Going to war?

No, she was just trying to clarify something. “He didn’t say anything else?”

You gulped. “I mean, yeah?”

“What did he say?” Taehyung furrowed his dark brows, his own face a work of art in itself.

“That his parents are making him move back to Korea when he’s done with his doctorate,” you revealed, suspicious of the both of them and Seokjin now. You kept your tone level to hide any emotions under the surface. “Why, is there more?”

Once again, you were swept under the wave of confusion. The waters there were dark and cold, and you felt like you couldn’t swim to safety this time. It was as if cotton clogged your ears and a thin film coated your vision. You didn’t even register Taehyung furiously typing on his phone while Rin led you all out of the spa’s reception area.

“Do you want there to be more,” was all she offered before sitting you down on an earthly toned loveseat. The fluffy rug under your shoes snagged most of your attention.

“I don’t know how to answer that, but I guess not,” you finally grunted, feeling angrier and angrier from being left in the dark again. Comparable to a disease, this dangerous feeling was taking over you, trickling into your veins drop by black drop. “Honestly, I kinda just want to go back to the room until we meet for dinner. Whatever you guys are hiding is starting to piss me off.”

“Let’s go,” Rin agreed, urging you to get up and follow her to the room. But you shook her off.

“I’ll go by myself.” Buzzing with anger, you shuffled through your bag to grip your key. “Just let me be alone for a bit.”

Taehyung looked absolutely livid, but he nodded along with Rin. You didn’t watch the two of them share a knowing glance as you drug your crumpling form to the stairs, hoping pieces of you didn’t crumble off before you reached your temporary bed.

From the moment your tired bones hit your comforter, time traveled at a strange pace. You didn’t know how long you spent lying prone on the sheets, your head lolled towards the window. Watching the light snowfall outside did nothing to bring you out of your dark space.

Being left out, confused, and feeling betrayed left you mentally drained. How long were you going to feel like this? Like you were just going to keep being lied to? Maybe you weren’t outwardly lied to, but omitting something was still considered a lie. The truth was still held captive and you couldn’t even pay it a visit.

Rin and Taehyung reacted strongly to what you said. That had to mean whatever else Seokjin was supposed to say to you was big. You weren’t stupid. At least, that’s what you concluded.

But what if you were this time?

You loathed this feeling. You hated being looked at with pity. Even Rin knew what was left unsaid this time, so you were truly alone in the dark.

A dark monster within you rose to life, and you ripped yourself from the sheets. Snatching your coat from the couch, you jerked your arms inside, striding toward your door with purpose. A ball of fury, you were determined to march up the slopes and confront Seokjin. Everything was getting ridiculous.

Tugging the door open, you flinched at the figure waiting on the other side. A brief moment of silence and bewilderment and worry washed over you, quelling a small part of your harbored anger. “What happened to you?”

Seokjin stood in front of you wrapped in his puffy coat, hair in disarray and a small gash on his cheek. His nose was red with the cold and a small cut, and his eyes looked as if he had been holding back tears. Tears? Was he crying? Even now, it seemed like a few were threatening to fall as his gaze lowered. A ghost of a voice wafted from his mouth as he replied, “Jimin.”

You winced. Remembering the glances the younger man gave you this morning, you should have seen a conflict brewing. Your friend wasn’t lying when he said he’d give Seokjin hell. Something must have broken out when they were on the slopes, or anytime you weren’t there with them. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

If you didn’t have that revelation with Rin and Taehyung, you would have been absolutely thrown by Seokjin’s appearance and the cause of it. But it seemed that both groups found out what he told you last night and neither were pleased with the result. What that result was, you couldn’t determine yet. But based on your own categories, “I got into Harvard” and “I’m moving back to Korea” fit in the Should Know box. The Deserved to Know box was still accepting applications.

“Come in.” Your fury had to simmer on a proverbial stove for the time being. “I have a first aid kit in my bag.”

You hurried him into the room before making a beeline for your duffle. The adrenaline built while you were fired up was still thrumming your bones like guitar strings. Nothing more was said as your bag crinkled with your rummaging, even though you wanted to just wring answers from his neck already.

But you couldn’t. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts, both the past woes you were fighting and your current worries.

As Jin awkwardly stood in front of your bed, you kept pondering. What the hell happened out there? How did it end up in a physical altercation? Did Jin fight back? It was already obvious Jimin initiated it, but you wondered if he sported any bruises, too. Not from Seokjin, though. Because you couldn’t ever see him throwing a punch. You were more curious about someone like Yoongi. The elder one was incredibly protective of Jin.

When you found the kit, you spun around to start tending to your ex’s face. “Bed,” you ordered, pointing towards yours with the first aid box. Your tone was harsh, but you weren’t holding it back.

The man was silent as he delicately sat on the comforter, and you instantly noticed how he refused to look at you still.

No matter. Treating his cuts was a priority, but that didn’t mean you weren’t going to force him into confrontation right after. Seokjin wasn’t going to have a choice.

Perching yourself next to him, you propped one leg up to steady yourself, clicking open the small kit next to you. It wasn’t as fancy as the one he carried along, but it housed the basics. Fetching some antiseptic and cotton first, you told him to turn towards you so that you could start.

And despite your anger, your exasperation, your frustration, the hands you lifted to Seokjin’s face were nothing but calm.

Throughout the time you dusted his cuts, you kept your gaze on his cheek, his mouth, his nose. A wall erected around you that you refused to take down. After all of the hurt Seokjin had caused, the turmoil he had put you through, it was pertinent you wouldn’t let him in. You had your soldiers’ arrows at the ready, directed right at his wounded face.

But if you so much as flitted your gaze toward his eyes, your walls would crumble to dust. Your gates would slam open in surrender.

Because having him this close to you after all this time was like coming home. And you harbored that feeling ever since the scent of his cologne consumed you. Your face hovered inches from his, your fingers gently pressing his features. All of the nights you yearned to be this close were so lonely and cold, and his warmth was tugging your heart by multiple strings.

His looming absence was hitting you deeply then. If you gave in only to lose him again, the pain would surely hollow out your soul until you were a mere shell of yourself. You wanted nothing more than to sink into the mattress and slip down into the soil underneath the lodge.

Suddenly, a hand cradled your cheek, and you shook on impact. Without thinking, you locked eyes with Jin, and it was then that you realized he was wiping hot tears from your face.

“If I’m the reason for these,” he whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Something strangled escaped you, and you finally caved. “You are,” you exhaled, unable to stop the tears from falling. “You really are.”

You tore yourself from the bed, instantly feeling the lingering warmth of his fingers fade. A chasm was created between you two: your chest heaving on one side and his face crumbling on the other. The mountain of thoughts and feelings you created broke down under pressure, emotions roaring down its slopes in a cathartic avalanche. “I’ve been looking like a fool this whole trip, and apparently everyone is feeling so fucking sorry for me. Why can’t you just tell me everything? What did Yoongi mean? What do I deserve to know? You told me you got into Harvard and have the audacity to say you aren’t happy? What the hell is that about? We’re supposed to be friends, so why am I feeling like you’re letting that all go?” You choked on your tears and clasped a hand over your mouth, a burn blossoming in your chest from the dry sobs.

Seokjin’s eyes ringed with a burgeoning shade of pink, both of his pupils glossed in guilt. “I’m not… I’m not letting that go, but--”

“But what, Seokjin,” you gritted out, “Please stop and just tell me already.”

“But I was too scared,” he admitted, “I’m still scared.”

“Why are you scared?” The question drifted to his face, and you could tell he was struggling to answer even that one. It pained you to be this close yet so far from the answer.

“Why are you scared, Seokjin,” you whispered again, realizing that his hands were shaking.

“Because…” You watched as he clenched them on his thighs, and he struggled to get the words out. “Because it’s going to happen again.”

Enough with the obscurity. Frustration reached a boiling point. “What’s going to happen again?”

“Exactly what happened last time!” Seokjin declared as his eyes pleaded with you, eyebrows furrowed and kneeling in anguish. The skin encasing his watery eyes remained that same dusty shade of affliction.

You couldn’t for the life of you understand what he was saying, until you remembered last night. When you asked him about the time he loved before.

Wait.

Your hand made a slow descent from your face as you matched Seokjin’s stare. A million words skittered across your eyes, transforming into liquid and sliding down your skin. You were sure you looked an absolute wreck with your tear-stained cheeks and reddened nose, but that didn’t concern you at all. The only thing you could hang onto was Jin’s words, just short of a confession.

But you had to be sure. You weren’t settling for five words that could mean a thousand other things while arranged the same way. “The one from before,” you more stated than questioned, “Where is she now.”

Seokjin never broke his gaze, doing an incredible job of keeping tears at the edges of his eyes. Heavy breaths caused his chest to swell with each pass. Voice low, he finally, finally caved, “She’s the one on the polaroid I have in my room.”

The entire conversation from last night struck you like a freight train. So many realizations hit you at once and you didn’t know how your trembling legs were keeping you upright.

It was you. He was talking about you.

Your coat smothered your limbs like a cage, your whole being rattling inside like an animal starved.

That was what he was truly hiding from you. That was what he had buried deep down into his chest. And you couldn’t blame him one bit after you realized it was exactly what you were holding from him, too.

No matter the reason, you still kept your own truth hidden. It occurred to you then that you couldn’t be angry - that would just be hypocrisy. There was bravery in confession, and even more so to someone you no longer were allowed to feel that way about.

You were the one that forced the truth out of Seokjin, and now you only felt like a coward.

Movement in front of you snapped your vision back into focus. He was getting up to leave. Why was he leaving?

“I knew this would happen,” he said, his voice strained. “I’ll go. I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”

Oh. He assumed your silence was from guilt. Guilt that you didn’t feel the same. And he was about to walk out with that egregious misconception. What an absolute fool.

But no matter how hard you tried, the words wouldn’t budge from the back of your teeth.

You had two choices here. One, you told him. You laid everything out and you admitted that you felt the same. Then tomorrow, he would leave your life and you may not see him again for years. And you tried this before - being in two separate schools and living different lives while holding onto your relationship. It obviously didn’t work last time, and you still saw him from time to time. This situation would be a thousand times harder.

Which brought you to the second option: you let him go. You let him leave without telling him how you felt. Rip the bandage off right there and then. Leave him to pursue his dream, and with that the freedom to go and find someone else to love. Was that what you wanted? Was this your own sick version of loving him? All the villains in the universe would applaud you as you lied to his face while telling him not to give up. How fucking cruel would that be?

“Seokjin,” you called out, and your chest subtly heaved when he turned to stone by the door. His broad back remained still as you took a step towards him, and only after you roamed your eyes over his shoulders did you notice small movements. But he didn’t face you. It was almost as if he didn’t want to.

Agony consumed your entire being as you made your decision.

You shut your eyes, clenched your jittering fingers into hard fists.

“See you at the campfire,” you whispered, your voice unfamiliar even to yourself.

The only response you got was the soft opening and closing of your door.

Compared to last night’s lion of a snow storm, tonight was but a mere cub. There were small flakes here and there taking their time to descend, and the fixtures from inside the lodge were the only light source beside the fire pit you were approaching downstairs.

Situated in the center of your friends, the flames danced across their jovial smiles as they passed bottles around. The drinks weren’t the lodge’s, but the ones you all brought and snuck out of the rooms - the telltale green glass was enough of a hint.

After Seokjin left, it took you a couple minutes to let everything out, and about thirty minutes crying into Rin’s shoulder once she witnessed your crumpled form on the floor. She listened to your recap of the conversation and Jin’s final secret, and through broken sobs you told her you couldn’t tell him yours. When she asked why, you told her your reasoning. When she called you an idiot, you wholeheartedly agreed and cried even harder.

But you still stuck with your decision. It was for the best. You loved him so much that you wanted what was best for him, and that was to let you go.

“Promise me one thing,” Rin murmured, earning a nod from you. “Only go through with it if you know you won’t regret it.”

A sharp pain sliced through you then, but you acquiesced. “I won’t.”

She then grabbed your Polaroid from the bed. It was Namjoon’s idea to bring it to the campfire once he heard you brought it on the trip. “Are you okay with this?”

“Yeah,” you gulped, regarding the old piece of the past with heavy eyes. Seokjin confessed to you with the help of that camera. You weren’t okay with the mere idea of touching it. “Yeah, it’s fine. I want everyone to enjoy themselves tonight, so. Yes.”

Even if that meant you suffered. This was Seokjin’s last trip with everyone, not just you. Why keep them from making good memories just because you were a walking dark cloud?

You reached the bottom of the rickety stairs, the squeaky noises catching the attention of the boys. Most of them raised their bottles to you, but you caught Jin staring at the fire instead.

If you got through this night in one piece, it would be a miracle.

Namjoon stood as you and Rin settled into your seats. “Okay. Since we’re all here now, I say we start.”

As everyone gave their cheers, the eldest just looked confused. “Start what?”

“Something for you,” Yoongi explained, his body already comfortable in his Adirondack. “Since you aren’t joining us for these anymore.”

“Ah, yah,” Seokjin protested, “You don’t need to do anything—”

“Don’t lie, you already love this,” Jimin cut in, all smiles despite the companion bruises and cuts on his face to Jin’s. “Although, your opinion may change in a second.”

Jungkook paused his leg bouncing to shout, “Let hyung explain!”

You smiled as the group settled, but noticed that Jimin was looking at you strangely. You didn’t have time to process it, though, since Namjoon headed things off while a bottle rested against his chest, “Jin-hyung. We just want you to know that we’re proud of you. Even though we may not see you for awhile, you’ll be in our hearts and on our minds. Starting tomorrow, you’re already Dr. Kim to us, so I say we all call you by name tonight.”

Laughter and claps filled the air, drowning out Seokjin’s weak protests.

Namjoon cleared his throat to calm the air, and you watched small flakes catch in his hair as he continued, “We’ll each do two things: give you advice, and ask for advice. Since you’re clearly educated, we figured you’d have a lot to say.”

“Oh, I’m just lucky.”

“And keep sharp, everyone. Miss Photographer over there will be taking pictures.” Namjoon nodded at you, and you gave a short smile while holding up the Polaroid. You were fine doing this; behind the lens was your safe space.

The boys and Rin slowly got through their questions and advice, and you were shocked by how insightful Seokjin was being. You never truly realized the magnitude of his intelligence. Every person around the campfire hung on his every word, and it didn’t help that you all took a swig after every good point he made - many, many times. You diligently fired away on your camera, making sure to get Seokjin with everyone so they could all have a moment captured with him.

When Jimin’s turn came, he shot you a glance before looking at your ex. “Jin. That sounds weird to say. Jin-hyung.” He looked at the ground before continuing, and you knew it was to compose himself. “My advice to you… Sorry,” he buried his head in his elbow for a brief moment. Yoongi looked away.

“I kinda gave you advice already,” Jimin trudged on, “And you took it. So, my next piece of advice would be to, uh, keep going.”

You were rooted to your chair. Seokjin didn’t spare you a single glance during that exchange, but you knew it was about you. It had to be how he ended up at your door earlier. He even said Jimin was the one responsible for his wounds.

“Thank you, Jimin,” Jin replied. “As for my advice to you, it’s okay to let people figure things out on their own. You don’t have to put it on yourself to be the one that keeps people together. If something ends up breaking, you’re going to think it’s your fault.”

Jimin regarded him with watery eyes before nodding and wiping his freezing tears. And when he looked your way, he saw you only looking at Seokjin. Your face was slowly cracking, and the shadows in your facade were exacerbated by the flames.

It was your turn; everyone else went. The Polaroid felt like a boulder on your thighs.

You blinked before setting the camera down and clutching your bottle. Since Seokjin was on the other side of the fire, you had to stand to see him, your tenseness on full display.

What could you possibly say in that moment that he wanted to hear? That he was willing to listen to? You were certain you took his heart and slammed it into the ground earlier. It would be better if you just didn’t say anything.

“Seokjin,” you started, pausing to collect yourself. “My advice to you is to forget the advice I gave you before.”

Several pairs of eyes looked at you then. Even Jin finally regarded you, the most aware of what you were referring to.

“What I’m trying to say is: it’s okay to give up sometimes, because not everything that you want to happen is going to happen. There will be times you will just have to let things go. And that’s okay. Because maybe letting things go would end up for the best.”

Jimin’s eyes bore into your soul. He sat so still that it put all the statues throughout history to shame.

Seokjin grabbed his bottle with both hands, elbows resting on his knees. “Interesting advice.” His eyes danced as they took in the warm flames. “I might even follow it.”

Both of your lungs threatened to give out at his words. Your hands almost dropped the glass you were barely clinging to, but you never looked away from Jin. It was as if your attention was chained to his body, your soul weighed down by his earlier confession and now his possible break.

If he followed your advice, shouldn’t you be happy? It’s what you wanted in the end, right? You would let him go, and he wouldn’t look back.

Snow drifted onto everyone’s chairs and the fire crackled in front of you. A small breath left you in a wisp of white. Warmth did its best to help you, but the cold was too strong. No amount of fire in the world could melt your icy conscience - you truly left Seokjin in the dark. He practically admitted that he loved you, and in return you gave him nothing. Of course he would consider your advice.

“But I like the sound of not giving up. It has a ring to it that exists beyond the sound it makes when someone says it,” he cut himself off, the silence deafening. Inside, bells rang in your head. What was he implying? Seokjin’s voice was as clear as blue skies when he continued, “So, I guess I’m stealing your advice and giving it to everyone here.”

Your gaze shifted to the side as everyone turned towards Seokjin. This was something you weren’t prepared to digest. Settling back down into your chair, you tried to even out your breathing and neutralize your shaking fingers.

Your feelings were warring with each other in a confusing battle. If you wanted him to follow your advice, why were you relieved when he said he liked not giving up? Did that mean you hoped he still waited for you? Years and years and years from now?

“Take it from me: don’t give up,” he advised. “But what I mean by that is to not give up until you’re happy.”

Guilt squeezed your eyes shut, clamping your lids down. He was going to wait. Love was the one thing he wanted to be happy. And you held your love for him tightly in your hands, behind your back and hidden from sight.

But even still, in the midst of your silent rejection, this man wasn’t letting go. Without saying the words, Seokjin was going to wait for you. Because he still loved you.

This was too hard.

“To being happy,” Jimin boisterously cheered, startling everyone and causing your bones to rattle. His glass remained high in the air, and everyone joined in with their own proclamations.

“To being happy,” you whispered alongside the others, quickly taking a swig.

Yoongi was the next one to pipe up as he declared, “Okay, now that all that’s done, let’s just drink for fuck’s sake.”

Amongst the laughter and “thank god”s thrown about, you quickly downed the rest of your drink like it was your lifeline. You needed more than liquid courage to get through the rest of the night. The camera by your feet was snatched up by Jungkook before Taehyung could get to it, and you prayed to every higher power that they kept it in one piece.

As everyone made their way back to their rooms, you noticed Seokjin joking and laughing with the others like normal. It was a continuation of the rest of the night, since after the advice conversation it was nothing but fun. Your Polaroid almost ran out of film, for one, but watching everyone fight over the photos was entertainment in itself. There were digs toward Jin until he turned red, jabs thrown at Jimin’s fragile emotional state, and Rin’s warm laughter coating everything in a soft glow.

And it was a bittersweet event. There was nothing more you wanted than to capture that moment and place it in a snowglobe. The world wouldn’t interfere with your friends, and none of you would ever leave.

Seokjin was about to head up the stairs to tuck in for the night. Full of soju and stupidity, you blurted, “Leaving already?”

He stilled before turning toward you. “Oh. Yeah.” He regarded you with a look you couldn’t completely decipher. “Long day tomorrow.”

“Right,” you replied, hating the sudden hollowness you felt. Or didn’t feel.

“Well… Good night.” Seokjin tapped the banister twice before heading up, and you softly wished him good night before speedwalking to your room. You were only tipsy, so the fast trip didn’t bother you. The camera in your hands kept your center balanced the whole way back.

By some strange miracle, you kept it together the whole time after everyone’s campfire speeches. You imagined yourself as an ice sculpture, surrounded by the guests of honor. Everyone gave you a glance and thought nothing else of you. They could only see composure and poise. Only when they got closer could they see you slowly melting, rivulets of remorse cascading down your entire frame.

Rin was in the middle of her skincare routine when you entered your room. As soon as she heard your footsteps, she made a noise indicating she had something to say. The product around her mouth didn’t let her yet, though. Which meant you had to wait.

You stood in the doorframe of the bathroom, vision spinning just a smidge. This was probably a talk you didn’t want to have, but you gave your friend her podium. It was only fair. Her serious talks were few and far between.

But she didn’t have much to say when she finished getting ready for bed. In fact, she only said three sentences.

“It’s 11 o’clock,” she stated plainly, her tone indicating she was done with the calmer approach. Bluntness was more her style.

“Okay?”

“We leave at 7 in the morning.”

“And?”

“It means you have eight hours to decide how you’re going to feel for the next ten years.”

Silence.

All you could respond with was silence.

Dead air. Sober. You were sober now. In that moment, you may have held your breath for a century. Too many thoughts flooded your brain, from past memories at a carnival to future images of an empty apartment with a bed fit for one.

It was stark. Blank. There wasn’t going to be a future with Seokjin, no matter what you said.

But when Rin put it that way, would you feel better if he knew the truth? Or would you keep this idiotic stance and lock your feelings away forever?

For the third time that night, your fingers rattled. Rin took them into her comforting palms.

“Go,” she murmured, and she smiled as she witnessed you burst into the hall.

Your strides were incredibly long as you hurried down the corridor. The doors blurred on either side of your vision, the pattern of the floor elongated with your fast pace. Your camera thudded into your chest over and over. Step after step after step got faster and faster as your anxiousness bubbled into your brain. The last turn before the stairs made you skid, and you rushed up the rickety steps. Your heart was thrumming, scratching at your chest to set it free.

When you got to his door, you were certain you woke sleeping neighbors with your rapid knocking. But you couldn’t stop yourself. Nothing could possibly stop you now.

You had no plan. There wasn’t time to think. All you wanted was to see him. All you could think about was letting everything out. Eight hours. You had eight hours.

Seokjin tugged the door open, pausing mid-swing when he saw your face. He looked so beautiful. Full of warmth. Like home.

“Jinnie.”

You didn’t mean to call him that, but you didn’t take it back. You weren’t taking anything back anymore. His eyes roamed over your features multiple times, searching for any indication that this was a dream. But it wasn’t. The words finally slipped from your lips.

“I’m not following your advice. Or my own.”

His eyebrows furrowed, but you pushed on.

“I’m giving up. But I’m giving up because I can’t let you go.” When Seokjin stared at you, it was impossible to look away.

His response came out in a rush, “What are you… what are you saying?”

“I’m saying I love you.” You huffed out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Damn it, I— I just love you. I love you so much it hurts.”

A shaky exhale left you at the look on his face. The quick descent into realization formed in the corners of his eyes, tears pooled at the edges before quickly streaming down his cheeks, collecting at the crux of his chin. Glassy orbs bore straight into your soul in search of answers, of truth. And if he wanted those answers, you already admitted the biggest one, so words were easier to come by.

“I’ve felt this way ever since our trip last year,” you started, slowly inching toward the wreck of a man. Not like you fared any better with the streaks forming on your own cheeks. “And I know it’s the stupidest thing to tell you now since you’re leaving, and we failed at long distance before, but--”

Seokjin breathed out your name, and his next words would stay imprinted in your mind forever. “I still want to try. And I’ll try as many times as you’ll let me.”

“I know. I know that now,” you whispered.

Passion and warmth bloomed in your chest, spiraling out into the far reaches of your limbs. Hundreds of nights imagining him accepting you again didn’t prepare you for this feeling. Nothing was holding you back; your walls came crashing down.

You finally broke and shielded your face in your hands, and you felt sturdy arms shield you from the world. The cruel, beautiful world that brought you two together right before he disappeared from your life again. You cried, and sobbed, and wheezed. The elation from his confession only magnified the pain of his departure.

You felt the weight of the Polaroid leave your chest as Seokjin lifted it from your neck. “Come inside,” Seokjin whispered into your hair, earning a hiccup from your chest. “Please.”

It was only then that you noticed you were still out in the hall. A small nod from you was all he needed to guide you into his room, and your throat constricted at the bags lying open on the bed.

Seokjin was already packing. Packing while thinking he was going to go through the same thing he went through last time. You felt absolutely sick. How could you even think of doing this to him? If there was a way to make it all up to him, you would do it. “I didn’t want to tell you before,” you confessed, burying your nose into his chest. “But that was wrong of me. You almost left without knowing. I’m so sorry.”

Strong, lean fingers traveled through your hair as your camera was placed on a table. The heavy clunk it made reached your ears, and a whisper followed. “I didn’t want to tell you, either. You don’t need to apologize.”

“If I told you earlier, we would’ve had more time. Now I’m just sad.”

“Look at me.” Jin caressed the back of your head, naturally lifting your gaze. His watery eyes took yours in, and he leaned forward to kiss the top of your hair. “We still have tonight, so if we’re going to be sad, let’s wait until after.”

“But you’re crying, too,” you observed, feeling slightly better from his words. How Seokjin was able to have that effect on you, you would never understand.

A light huff from him made you melt. “That’s because I’m so happy,” he confessed, softly laughing again and wiping his eyes with both hands.

He was happy. Seokjin was happy. You looked at the growing smile under his fingers, and you had no choice but to grin and join in his laughter.

Not because it was funny. But because it was unbelievable. You were able to gift him the last piece he was missing - he was finally able to find that happiness. How were you about to deny that from him? Now it seemed unfathomable.

When you looked at his hands again, you noticed there were lingering cuts. Worry washing over you, you cradled one in your palms and asked as Seokjin looked at you, “Should I take care of this, too?” Though the man had more than enough knowledge on playground injury care, you still offered because you wanted to be there for him in any possible way.

He replied instantly, “I took care of everything. Jimin, too. You saw him being his usual self earlier.”

“He said he’d give you hell if you didn’t talk to me on this trip. I didn’t think he would go this far, though.” You reached up to run a thumb along the small gash on Seokjin’s cheek, the blood drying into a deep red. “I’ll make him regret it later.”

Jin leaned into your touch, causing sparks in your skin. “Don’t,” he whispered, “He’s the reason I ended up at your door.”

You just nodded and lost yourself in the feel of his soft face. It was incredibly smooth under your fingers, even better than when you held his cheeks all those years ago. To think that this man loved you ever since then, and continued to do so until now, was unbelievable. But it was true, and no amount of words could account for how you felt about that.

Those eyes overflowing with adoration and affection were solely for you, and diving into them felt like being immersed in sunlit waters.

“Can I kiss you?”

The simple question took you by surprise, but you gazed at his lips. They only looked inviting, so who were you to deny him? “Please,” you sighed, and your eyelids closed shut at his pillowy touch.

Color sprang from your heart at his confession, but heat burst from your chest at his kiss. The moment his lips met yours, every worry wrapped around your conscience snapped in two. Vines of doubt, regret, and anxiety withered under the warmth of Seokjin’s touch. It was cleansing. Powerful. Searing.

A hand captured the back of your neck, and Jin took advantage of your gasp by dragging his tongue around the edge of your lips, a wordless plea to let him in. You gave in immediately, leaning forward and deepening the kiss, roping his tongue and eliciting a groan.

Heat rushed between your legs and you echoed his sound with a soft moan of your own. Unwittingly, your hands found their way to Seokjin’s chest and you reveled in the feel of him under the thin material of his shirt. Without breaking your lips from his, you skirted the cotton hem with your fingers.

Jin knew what you wanted, and his grin against your mouth only made you flush with desire. He broke from your lips to fully remove his shirt, and seeing his bare chest wiped the air from your lungs. You could only stare as you took in the lines of his solid build, wondering how the hell he had the time to achieve that look.

Seokjin smirked at your reaction, tossing his top and hauling the bags off his bed while you were taking time to process everything. “Do I need to charge you?”

You shook your empty head like a zombie. Your brain was currently mush, purely focused on the way his muscles rippled and slid against the confines of his skin. “No, don’t. I didn’t bring any money with me.”

Laughter erupted from the other side of the bed. After Seokjin placed the last bag on the floor, he straightened and clarified, “I meant plug you in. You seem to be buffering over there. Low battery?”

“Shut up and get on the bed,” you teased, shrugging off the coat you still had on. You didn’t even get to change since coming in from the campfire.

“Shut up and get on the bed, yes,” Seokjin fired back mercilessly as he sat on the comforter. He knew exactly how to push you. Even though you laughed, you made you way over to him and stood between his legs.

You were silent then. No matter how happy you were, his departure tomorrow was weighing on you. The time you had with him was short.

You wanted to make the most of it. Bringing your hand up to his face, you made sure to lightly skim over his gashes before mapping the rest. You wanted to ingrain every curve, every dip, every feature into memory. Every second was precious. The polaroid you had of him would still be no match for the real thing. If only you could capture the warmth of someone and keep it frozen in time.

Sure fingers clasped your hand, and Seokjin softly pulled you closer. Your first instinct was to rush in and hug him for dear life, and he immediately did the same to you, snatching the breath from your lungs and tugging tears from your ducts. You buried your face into his neck, inhaling his familiar scent and lamenting all the time you spent worrying over the smallest things.

“We don’t have a lot of time,” Seokjin whispered, squeezing your heart.

“I know,” you choked. You didn’t have much else to say.

“I just want to make sure we use it to do what you want.”

You loosened your hold on him, astonished by his consideration. The growing bulge under his pants was more than screaming his wants. You felt it ever since the first kiss. But even still, he wanted to accommodate you. Your needs before his.

It just made you fall for him even more.

Reaching down to skim your fingers along his cock straining against his pants, you hovered your lips over his neck. “I want you,” you whispered before descending upon the smooth expanse of skin and earning a groan.

Without warning, Seokjin tightened his arms around you. In one smooth motion, he effortlessly lifted you to straddle his thighs. You didn’t have time to think as he followed up with grabbing your head, pulling you down for another heated kiss. Your fingers latched onto his shoulders, scraping them when he thrust his tongue into your mouth.

“Don’t do that yet,” he grunted, and you didn’t need to ask why after feeling a twitch in his jeans.

You obeyed for the time being, cupping his neck with both hands. When you rolled your body against his, the hard feel of his stomach made you whimper. It was when you settled back on his hardness that your eyes widened. You were sure he was aching despite his silence. Maybe you could help him out a bit. “Jinnie,” you whispered, a firm hand on his chest, “Lie back for me.”

“I love hearing that again,” Seokjin admitted through a content smile, starting a fire across your cheeks. He leaned back after giving you another peck, and you plucked yourself from his thighs to take your shoes off.

But time was your biggest motivator to strip most of your clothes at that moment - not just your boots. Your pants were first, followed by your sweater, and finally your shirt. The whole time, Seokjin stayed propped on his elbows, watching you intently. He couldn’t hide the adoration in his eyes even if he tried. As he watched you stand there in nothing but your set, he smiled. “You’re beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you whispered in return. “Still not as great as you, though.” You started unbuttoning his jeans before he could defend his stance, and he lifted his lower body to help you shrug them off with his underwear. When Seokjin’s thick cock sprung free, your heart jumped at the sight. It had been so long since you felt it, tasted it, rode it. Was he thinking the same? Taking his velvety length in your hand for the first time in a long time, you felt a burst of confidence at its familiarity and his response.

“Baby,” he groaned, running a hand through his hair. “Please.”

You didn’t need another word. At the sound of the familiar pet name, you already started hovering over his cock, admiring how pretty it was before diving in. Licking around the head, you used the slick to glide your mouth far down his shaft, rolling your hand along the bottom to coat the rest.

Seokjin jolted at the sudden pleasure, and you felt a pang in your heart. You wanted him to remember this night. And you were much more experienced than you were before, though you would only get so much time to prove your growth.

Coming up for air, you used your hand to gather the rest of your spit and slide it down his cock, rubbing it a few times before diving down again. The stilted, garbled noises coming from your filled mouth were even getting your own underwear soaked, but they weren’t a match for Seokjin’s. His delicious grunts and moans sent you close to the edge. They were deeper than you remembered, and he wasn’t one to shy away from showing you how turned on and pleasured he was feeling.

The prominent veins of his cock were the roads along which your tongue traveled, and you made sure to love them all in between stuffing him fully in your warm mouth. He was so big, but you wanted to take every inch, tears welling in your eyes with your efforts.

You fought through even when you felt him rock the back of your throat. Seokjin took that moment to sit up, causing tears to leak fully down your cheeks at the deeper thrust. His hands dove into your hair, but he didn’t force your head down. Instead, they tugged you off his cock, and he gazed down lovingly at your wrecked expression. Jin’s voice dipped an octave and came out coated in sin as he asked, “Can you go a little more for me, beautiful?”

Your body tingled on instinct. You nodded and, when he smiled, you gripped his drenched dick in your fingers before descending your mouth onto his balls. Seokjin bucked his hips forward in a jolt as you grinned, lapping at his salty skin and delighting in the tremulous groans rolling down your back. Your hand squeezed the tip of his shaft before you straightened again, taking his cock captive without pause.

“Shit,” he grunted, his long fingers diving into your hair. His hands still didn’t push you down further, oddly, so you took the initiative and plunged down yourself.

The feel of his cock in your mouth was so familiar. It was almost second nature how easily you sucked him off, knowing when to hollow your cheeks and pull him further down the abyss of ecstasy. When to sink further and hum, ripping a delicious sound from his throat. Even when to bob and swirl your head around, effectively shutting down his ability to function.

It was then that you chose to really bring it home. You breathed through your nose as you took more and more of him in, even after you couldn’t breathe anymore. You felt your nose hit this pubic bone, and the long moan you got from Seokjin was worth the burn in your throat. His fingers tightened around your head, but when you came up gasping for air he didn’t stop you.

“Come here,” is all he said, tugging you up to straddle him again. A trail of saliva swung from your lips as you came up, but you paid it no mind. If anything, it added to the building lust inside your bones. Your panties were absolutely drenched by now, so dragging your core along Seokjin’s cock caused both of you to twinge. “Fuck,” he gasped, fueling your heat.

“Jinnie, please,” you whimpered, your voice hoarse. You wanted everything from him at once. You were getting impatient, and the overwhelming time pressure was stressing you the hell out. “I need you, please.”

Suddenly, everything stopped as Seokjin cradled your chin and swiped the spit from your lips. “You have me,” he assured you. “You have all of me.” He kissed your nose. “And you’ll have me for a very long time.”

Relenting, you leaned into his touch. “Now is what I’m concerned about.”

“I know,” he agreed before kissing you again. “I just wanted you to know the rest.”

“Okay,” you whispered before capturing his full lips with your own. When you felt him wrapping his arms around you, your heart leaped into your throat. When you felt him shift the both of you to lower you onto the bed, you already knew fresh tears were waiting behind your eyes.

With great care, Jin slipped your underwear off your smooth legs. Your bra was deftly unhooked next - not without an eyebrow raise from you and a wink from him - and tossed from the bed.

Staring at your naked form, Seokjin appeared completely lost in thought. It got to the point where you felt like covering yourself, but when you attempted to he swiftly denied any insecurity. “Don’t keep this from me,” he whispered. “I want to remember everything.”

You kept it together until then. Something in you broke and you softly choked on a cry. So he was thinking the same as you. This was the last night for a long time.

Starting from your shoulder, he kissed his way down along your neck, your collarbone, your chest. Taking one breast in one hand, he swirled his tongue around the nipple of the other. You gasped from the sudden burst of pleasure, which made Seokjin repeat the motion on the other side. He then lightly sucked on the nipple, releasing it with a small pop.

You wanted to close your eyes and lose yourself in the waves of pleasure he was giving you, making his way down your body. But you wanted to relive this night again and again. So you had to keep your eyes on him. Only him. His mouth’s searing heat as it kissed along your stomach, and the stark cold left behind when he moved on. His soft touch as he gently pried your legs open, and dark, lust-filled eyes as he stared at your dripping entrance. You wanted to remember the way he kissed along your legs, nipping in some places to make you gasp. The way his beautiful lips connected with your heat in a reverent kiss before his tongue explored inside. Each flick of his tongue, squeeze of his fingers on your legs, noise from his lips. How you loved him through every second of him worshipping you.

As soon as he brought his fingers up to caress your folds while sucking on your clit, you had to stop him. It was too much. You wanted to feel him when you broke.

Seokjin wordlessly obeyed as he crawled above you. You pulled him down for a kiss, not caring how he tasted. Your hands then went to his shoulders as he positioned himself at your entrance.

“Are you still…”

“Yes,” you nodded, touched that he remembered. “I’m still on it.”

“Okay.” He swooped down to capture your lips, and when you clenched your fingers around his shoulders, he grunted. “Are you okay to take it all?”

“Go slow. For now,” you said, earning a nod. “It’s been awhile.”

Seokjin’s gaze was heavy as he prepared himself. “Same.”

At the initial push, you whooshed out a gasp. It had been way too long since you’d been with someone. The intrusion indeed hurt. Maybe you should have let him prep you more, in hindsight. But Seokjin was nothing but tender as he waited for you to adjust. Once you were okay, he steadily pushed out and in again, going deeper. Slowly but surely, you were able to fully take him in.

And the feel of him completely inside you was nothing like you’ve felt before. It was comfort. It was home. It was a perfect fit, and you wanted to stay like that forever.

“God,” Seokjin groaned, “I don’t want to leave this room.”

You chuckled, rolling your hips. “Hmm, pussy or Harvard. That’s a pretty tough one.”

“If it’s yours, Harvard can wait,” Seokjin grunted before sending your thoughts spiraling with a huge thrust. You outright whined at him, but he pulled out only to spear you again with one long motion. “You still like it rough, baby?”

Chills cascaded down your spine and pooled at the apex of your toes. This was the Seokjin you were waiting for. You wondered if he was still into that after witnessing everything he was doing for you beforehand. But oh, were you ready for the pivot. “Fuck, yes,” you moaned. “You know I do.”

“You still have your word?”

“Carousel, yes.”

“Good girl.” That was all Seokjin needed. Grabbing the top of the headboard behind you, he launched into a rough and relentless pace that had you seeing stars. You felt so full, yet so weightless as you let your body go limp. The feel of Seokjin’s cock slamming into you repeatedly would continue to exist for months after tonight, the ridges of it sliding along your walls never forgotten entirely. You needed as much as he could give, and he knew that.

Gripping one of your legs, he hauled it over his sweat-slicked shoulder and tilted himself to reach a deeper position, twisting his reddened face to plant kisses on your ankle. Mewl after mewl tumbled from your lips at the deep thrusts.

“Touch yourself for me, baby,” Jin commanded while still pounding into you, and you wouldn’t dream of disobeying. Your fingers went straight for your jiggling breasts, teasing your nipples and tugging them for his blown out eyes. You moaned, and smirked when you saw Seokjin beginning to lose himself.

His tell was his scrunched eyebrows, and his eyes shifting down to watch his cock ram into your tight cunt. You still knew, after years.

You fell into complete ecstasy when he reached down with his free hand to rub your clit between your bodies, loving the way the veins in his arms protruded. Imagining licking along them all made you moan. And you didn’t care if the people around you heard. All of your mewls, moans, whines - they were all for Jin. He could have all of you again and again.

After one particularly deep thrust, he tugged his cock out, leaving your walls fluttering around an agonizing emptiness. “Turn around. On your knees.”

“Holy fuck, yes,” you rasped. He wasn’t letting the night go to waste at all.

Before you even assumed the next position, you felt a hand come down on your ass. The smack jolted you forward in pain, with pleasure settling in its wake.

“So pretty,” Seokjin whispered, ghosting his hand over the spot he spanked. He gave it another smack before gripping your ass cheeks apart. You assumed he was roving his eyes over your drenched core. “And still so wet.”

“Just for you,” you affirmed.

“Just for me,” he repeated before adjusting his knees on the bed to get closer. “But you might be too loud tonight, baby. I’m going to need silence from you this time.”

Shit. You were never, ever good at this part. But you nodded. What you weren’t expecting right away was the initial stroke to be rough, right down to the hilt. You cried out immediately, earning you a harsh spank.

Seokjin’s sudden laugh made you chuckle in embarrassment. He breathily joked, “Out of practice?”

“Something like that,” you admitted, your elbows and grin lost in the sheets. “I’m rusty.”

“Okay, let’s just do this then.” Jin leaned forward, stretching over you. You groaned at the feel of his solid chest on your soft back, your eyes rolling into your head feeling him completely mold into you for a moment. He got a fluffy pillow from the other side of the bed and let your head rest on it. “Can you bite this for me, my love?”

The new name spread wildfire across your face. “Yes. That I can do,” you assured him. When you had the material securely in your mouth, you nodded to signal he could continue.

“Good girl.” And continue Seokjin did. He went right back into the dominant Jin he loved being, and the one you loved being with. There was no mercy in his thrusts, stroke after stroke after stroke. If you lifted your back a little or lowered your butt, he smacked your supple flesh and corrected you instantly. “Ass up, baby.”

With Jin’s relentless pace, your body went limp and hung on by a thread. Loosening up allowed for even more of his cock, and your muffled moans started getting louder the closer and closer you got to the edge. You could feel your core tightening, threatening to unleash the pent up tension.

“That’s it, beautiful,” Seokjin praised, feeling your walls squeeze around him. “Do you want to come like this?”

You hastily shook your head. You wanted to see him when you came. And if you remembered correctly, he loved seeing your face when it happened, as well.

“Too bad,” he chuckled darkly, and you almost came undone right then. “Guess you’ll have to come again the way you want to later.” Reaching under you, he toyed with your clit as he kept the pace from behind.

You let go of the pillowcase as you kicked your head back in a moan, your saliva trail slowly gravitating toward the sheets. Seokjin only let you breathe for a second before pushing your head back down into the thin material. “Make noise again and you won’t come at all.”

Fuck. You bit hard into the pillow, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as you felt yourself losing control. His fingers felt divine on your bundle of nerves, his dick sliding through your folds over and over and over. The hand he placed on your head smoothed over your hair before bunching it and tugging. You reared back, dots swimming in your vision. “God, I want to choke you. Can I do that, my love?”

You released the pillow from your mouth again. His consideration was top notch tonight. Too much? You couldn’t decide or really care. “Yes, just do it. Do anything. Please. I’m so close.”

“Mm. Then cover your mouth.” Before you could follow his command, Seokjin pulled you up by a shoulder to be flush against his front. Sweat coated your back and your ass, causing you to slide down his chiseled stomach while speared on his cock. A strong hand wrapped around your throat, and the fingers that were teasing your clit mercilessly now ventured into the front of your folds.

One of your hands shot up to clamp over your mouth right before you let out a long groan. You loved when he took control, and when he lost control. If both happened at the same time, it was heaven.

You could barely last on your knees as his dick slammed up into you repeatedly. The hand around your airway was tight but only just, his praises in your ear being the real culprit of your stolen breath. Your pussy clenched harshly around his length, and you knew from the tight coil in your body that you were seconds from euphoria.

Seokjin felt it instantly. “Come, baby.” And as soon as he relinquished your throat did you give in, waves of pleasure coursing through you and a white burn shimmering in your lungs. It seemed endless. Ripple after ripple thrummed through your body, your joints slowly unlocking from their initial freeze. Behind you, Seokjin groaned and sang sweet nothings in your ear, his arms wrapping around your chest in a scorching embrace.

The high ebbed, but did not completely recede. You knew Jin still needed release, so you kissed his wrist next to your shoulder and whispered, “I want to see you now.”

“Whatever you need.” Seokjin slowly unsheathed himself, and you felt a slight pain. You watched as he positioned his back on the headboard. He knew what you wanted to do.

You made your way over to him and hovered over his length. Locking your hazy eyes with his dark set, you kissed him lazily as you languidly sank back onto him. Seokjin groaned when you didn’t use your hand as a guide beforehand. And frankly, that turned you on, too.

“You’re so tight still,” he grunted, his hands coming up and grabbing your ass before settling on your hips.

You rolled your hips before finding a rhythm. “You’re just big,” you mock complained, earning a deep chuckle.

“Aww. You sound. So. Sad,” he teased, thrusting up into you to punctuate each word. Your mewls were welcome now since he was done with his role. Now he could just sit back and enjoy your show for him. And occasionally torture you.

You found your rhythm again, rougher with him now with your hands in his dark, sweaty locks. One of your hands dropped onto his chest and raked down his breast, eliciting a higher moan than normal.

The sound caused heat to pool between your legs again, and you upped the pace. Your thighs burned from the exertion, but you kept yourself distracted by diving into Jin’s neck and nipping in multiple places. His arms left your hips to wrap around your back, and your breath faltered as he took over again.

Seokjin was close. He was always close when his limbs locked hard into place. His upward thrusts were fast and hard, and you could only moan in his ear and take him in. The coil that released once tonight was tightening again, and you murmured in his ear that you were close.

Seokjin only needed to kiss you like his life depended on it for you to unravel again. The wave was weaker than last time, but it could still cover mountains. Your head felt light, dancing above the clouds with no intention of coming down. You pushed yourself from his lips, allowing him to see your flushed chest and reddened cheeks. The second orgasm faded and loosened your limbs, but your heart felt completely connected to his, your soul nestled into the comfort of his tender embrace. “I love you,” you sighed, and you immediately felt a huge twitch between your folds.

“Lie down, baby. I’m close.”

“It’s okay,” you whispered, cradling his cheek. “Come inside me, Jinnie. I wanna feel you.”

“Shit,” he grunted. His thrusts descended into madness. Your heart rattled at the sight of his dusted red cheeks, sweaty neck, heaving chest. He was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen, and the one you would overturn stars to find should you ever lose him again.

When he gazed down at your joined sex, you took in the wet strands of hair on his forehead. When he kicked his head back against the headboard to look at you with lidded eyes, you bit your swollen lips. This wonderful man was your lover, your ex, your friend, and now your lover again. Only this time, you truly loved him back. And you wanted to think back to this moment forever.

Tears sprung into your eyes as he pulled you in for a searing kiss, and his orgasm released into you in spurts. The thrusts he made then were slow and powerful, and your body bobbed with the swells. You kissed him harder than necessary, almost willing to bruise your own lips on his. The longer you held his lips captive, the longer he couldn’t see your sorrow.

But Seokjin already felt the drops ping his chest. He just let you cry because that’s what you needed. Even when he broke from the kiss, he never said a word. He trailed kisses along your wet cheeks, your sweaty nose, and your glistening forehead. His poignant visage held nothing but stars, and it reminded you of the night you fell in love, crushing your spirit ever more.

Touch after touch after touch only coaxed more tears from your eyes. It felt never ending as you sat spent in his lap, still on his softening length. Sheer willpower was what caused you to finally speak, your voice hoarse, “We should clean up. You still need to pack and sleep.”

“We should, and I do,” he whispered. He patted your bum. “Can you get up by yourself?”

You nodded before extracting yourself from his firm thighs, lamenting the fact that human bodies had limits. As you waddled to the bathroom, you stumbled along the way, Seokjin softly chuckled while following you and steadying you when needed. Even when you shot empty glares at him, the smile in his eyes never left.

The rest of your time spent in his room consisted of silence and kisses. Ever the gentleman, he let you lie down on his bed while he used the other half for the bags to pack. It didn’t take him too long since he was organized from the jump, so when he was done he cleared the bed and joined you under the covers. When you felt a weight on your stomach, you looked down to see your camera dumped on the comforter.

Seokjin wrapped a strong arm behind your neck. “What do you call naked pictures taken with a Polaroid?”

“Oh, no.” You turned your head to face him. “What?”

“Just pictures. But that’s old nudes.”

You punished him by attacking his sides instantly, yanking a batch of honky laughs from him. Knowing your own weaknesses still, he unleashed his own parry, and it took a minute for the both of you to settle in a draw.

“Don’t tell me the only reason you brought this into the bed was to tell that horrid joke,” you chuckled, your head back to resting in your pillow.

“Nope. I wanna take one of us.”

After getting past all seven of your objections and excuses, Seokjin whittled your walls down and got you to agree. The end product existed on the last film in your Polaroid: a crooked snapshot of him kissing your cheek as you smiled with creased eyes, sheets held against your chest. And he conceded in letting you keep it after watching you clutch it lovingly in your fingers.

You immediately sought comfort in his embrace after setting the photo next to your phone on the nightstand, and he stole multiple kisses from you way after your eyes couldn’t stay open any longer.

“Get some sleep, my love,” Seokjin whispered.

And despite your sound of protest, you were pulled into the abyss of sleep right as you felt pillowy lips caress your forehead.

Rin-Rin [6:40am]: You’re lucky I love you. I packed your stuff and left out an outfit for you when you come down. Just don’t be late or I’ll drag you back down myself :)))

Jiminie [6:45am]: RISE N SHINE LOVEBIRDS

Rin-Rin [6:46am]: Oh, yeah, I may or may not have texted Jimin.

Jiminie [6:46am]: ABOUT TIME

Jiminie [6:46am]: !!!

Tae [6:47am]: jimins scream woke me up. i can only assume that means ill get to be an uncle soon. dont let me down i want this(:

Joonie [6:48am]: Aaaaaaaaaa !!!

Jiminie [6:48am]: And I know you want to yell at me for yesterday so I am ready for that whenever you are

Kook [6:50am]: <3

You smiled at your texts before locking your phone. Seokjin was already up and about, making sure everything was packed and accounted for. When he saw you stirring, he came over and surprised you with a kiss so deep that it revitalized your sagging emotional state. “Morning,” you chuckled, swinging your sore legs out of the sheets and wincing at the cold. “I need to head back down.”

“Yeah, Rin already sent the first round of threats. I’ll see you at the car, okay?”

You pecked him on the cheek after you slipped on your boots and grabbed your Polaroid. Stepping into the hallway, you kept reminding yourself to not completely lose it yet. There was still a whole car ride you got to have with him, and you were determined to slow down time however you could.

Your phone buzzed again, and you assumed Yoongi and Hoseok were just now waking up and getting the gossip. Checking your notifications only validated your guess.

Hobi [6:52am]: AHHHHH HAPPY FOR U~!!!

Hobi [6:52am]: ASLSKDJSKDHSKDJ

Yoongi [6:53am]: I’ll make sure to drag him back sometimes. It’s ludicrous to say that we’d never see him again. Drama queen. Anyways, happy for you. If you need anything, let me know.

Hobi [6:53am]: we’ll see seokjinnie again love. and if u miss him a lot then we can make sure you see him. im sure he’ll be missing u too

How you were able to win the friend lottery and meet these people, you had no clue. But you weren’t going to ever question the fact. All you would do was embrace your blessings and love them.

The car ride to the airport was long, but still much too short for your liking. Between the loving gazes you directed at Seokjin as he sang along to Taehyung’s music, the looks full of mirth Jimin gave the both of you from the backseat, and the laughter of both Rin and Taehyung, you were the happiest you’ve felt in a very long time.

Throughout the ride, you got the feeling that you were going to be okay. Seokjin was starting an insane adventure, but you were also going to be there every step of the way. Not just on the polaroid he decided to stash in his bag, but in his heart and on his mind like Namjoon said around the fire.

There were still plenty of ways to see each other and communicate. And since he technically didn’t start until next summer, that gave you plenty of time to see him before then. The many possibilities made you question your hesitation in the first place.

But none of that diminished how much of a struggle it was still going to be.

When the car rolled to a stop in the airport parking lot, your chest constricted. When everyone got their bags out of the cars and started the trek to the shuttles, your hands shook on your straps. As soon as everyone started saying their byes and separating to check into their airlines, you found it hard to breathe.

But a tender hand brushed through your hair, and plush lips connected with your forehead. In an instant, you felt okay again.

Seokjin’s calm voice slipped over your features. “Your flight leaves in two hours, right?” When you nodded, he continued, “Okay. Come shop with me before I have to go to my gate!”

You tried your best to keep a positive attitude while you watched Jin peruse different airport stores. When he would hold stuff up for you to approve, you would smile or dramatically turn things down. Even the cute neck pillow he really wanted got the dreaded rejection.

But that was only so you could pay for it when he wasn’t looking and surprise him. The huge laugh and grin you got in return was worth the trouble.

When it was time for Seokjin to head to his gate, you brought him in for a crushing hug. “Let me know when you land,” you demanded.

“Of course, honey,” he said through a smile.

“‘Honey,’ now?” You regarded him with a raised eyebrow. “You have so many nicknames for me. I can’t keep up. Do you have a favorite you could stick with?”

Seokjin rested his chin on your head. “Ah, I have a favorite. But it’s not true yet, so I shouldn’t use it.”

A fire ignited in your heart, the flames warming you from the inside. “And which one is that?”

“Would you look at the time!” Jin’s body heat left you in a rush as he stepped away, and your instinctual pout made him laugh outright. He cupped your chin for a kiss that rocked your whole being before pulling away. His eyes held galaxies in them when he stared into yours. “Guess you’ll have to wait for the answer to that one.”

“You’re a jerk, Jinnie,” you huffed, but you kissed him again. “You’re lucky I love you.”

“I really am. And I love you,” he responded. His hand came down to squeeze yours before he had to part. “I’ll let you know when I make it. Call me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay,” you replied, and you watched his long strides with a heavy heart and a hopeful mind.

As you told yourself again and again, you were going to be okay. It was going to be tough, it was going to be absolutely painful. But as long as you decided to keep loving each other, everything would work out.

You knew better than anyone that love was a choice. And for Seokjin, you would choose it a thousand times over.

And besides, the current state of technology was on your side. The possibilities of communication were too endless for you to dwell on the distance. Were there going to be days in which you only received one text? Most likely. Were there going to be weeks where you weren’t going to hear much from Seokjin at all? Definitely. But this time, unlike last time, you welcomed every bit of it. Your heart built a bridge to his that defied any sense of physical distance. On opposite sides, both of you were achieving success in your own ways. In the end, you would always come back to each other to celebrate together. Even though this was the last November trip you had with Seokjin, it was the beginning of many, many wonderful years to come.

It was later, while you were waiting for your own flight to finish boarding, that a message was sent to your phone.

Jinnie [12:04pm]: Attachment: 1 Image

You couldn’t help but grin. As you gazed lovingly at the picture of Seokjin smiling next to your polaroid, another one came in before you could respond.

Jinnie [12:05pm]: Until you’re really next to me, this will have to do. Don’t get too jealous!

You laughed to yourself, rolling your eyes while setting the image as your wallpaper. Locking your phone, you tapped the glass to see your screen light up, observing the picture again.

On a plane heading to another city entirely, Seokjin was doing the exact same thing. Except in his case, he was smiling down at a girl caught in mid-laughter, body aglow from the bright yellow lights of a spinning carousel behind her.

a/n: whewww so if you made it to the end, hi! i seriously enjoyed writing this and i learned so much. it’s my first fic and first huge one-shot, so if you have any comments/concerns/constructive feedback, please let me know! my ask box is always open, too. lastly, here is my m.list if you want to browse! 🌨🌨🌨 ++ feedback box (added nov. 25th, 2021): ⇥ of course, any reblogs/comments/messages are appreciated! ⇥ for the ones that aren’t okay with reblogging with a review, commenting on this, or sending a message, i went ahead and made another anonymous form where you can send in what you think! ⇥ no emails collected, no need to put in a username. it’s literally just a feedback dropbox :D ⇥ here! ++ ⇥ masterlist

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newtonsheffield · 3 years

Text

Okay!

As you may know from, well, everything about me: I am obsessed with Newton Sheffield-Sharma-Bridgerton.

And, I've thought a lot about how Kate came to be in possession of this prince of a dog.

Because Corgis were most commonly used as farm doggos in 1814, herding sheep and cattle, and keeping pets that didn't have a job wasn't that common.

So here's something you never thought I'd say. Here's something canon compliant

It was very confusing, when he opened his eyes for the very first time, his litter mate's paw shoved against his nose, he snorted it away a little exasperatedly, as he was pushed out into the cold, away from his Mama. He tried to scramble back towards her, desperately, his tummy rumbling and then something gripped him tightly around the middle lifting him high in the air and for a moment he struggled against it, and then all of a sudden, she appeared.

A human woman was staring down at him, she looked happy he realised, she was showing him her teeth, dark curly fur on the top of her head, dark eyes wrinkling at him, and something deep inside him seemed to echo. Mama.

"Hello, little one, left out all alone huh? Let me help you." She tucked him against her moving him back towards the other pups, her paw stroking his fur lightly, making his heart hammer in his chest, his tail wiggling oddly. She placed him gently on the ground, nestling him against his littermates and oddly, he felt sad, he tried to wriggle back to her.

"No, little one, you have to stay here. But I'll be back again tomorrow, I hope, I have to see if Mary needs my help."

He whined. and she sighed,

"I know, but my Papa died not so very long ago, nearly two years, and she needs my help."

"Kate?!" Another voice called out, catching this girl's attention. "Mama needs you home!"

"Coming, Edwina."

Kate patted his fur one last time, and then she was gone. But He wasn't going to forget about her.

_______________

He waited for her to come back. Twice it got dark, and he had a sleep, while his brother's and sister's climbed all over him, squishing him to the bottom of the pile, and the man came, the man who his Mama listened to, giving him a little food, sighing as he looked at him.

"You're a little small, Lad. Not much good for sheep."

And he felt sad, his ears drooping oddly, while his brother's and sister's got an approving nod.

"Mr Johnson!"

The Man smiled at the girl's voice and his heart leapt She's back! His tail wagging desperately as he fought to the front of the pack, trying to catch her attention. "Good afternoon, Miss Kate."

He tried to yip as Kate smiled back at the man, "Sir, Lady Mary's sent me over with some Jam from our cook."

"That's very kind of her." The Man said kindly, Kate was shifting a little oddly now and all he wanted was to get to her, scampering over the fence holding him back, running towards her, but she hadn't noticed.

"Sir, might I play with your puppies? Just for a short while? I know they're for working on the farm but they're really very sweet."

The Man, Mr Johnson, she'd called him met his eyes, laughing a little, "It looks like I don't have a choice."

Kate made a funny little noise as she bent in front of him, picking him up, and cradling him against her, just like she had last time, and finally he felt happy again.

"This one is my favourite one." She said gently.

Mr Johnson looked back at him, nosing at her cheek, wagging his tail. She smelled really very nice, much nicer than anything here. Mr Johnson huffed.

"You can name him if you like. He likes you."

"Do you really think so?" She sounded so happy, and he couldn't help but feel glad that he'd done it. He'd made her happy, when last time she'd seemed so sad.

She looked back at him, her eyes narrowing a little, though she made a funny noise when he licked her nose. "I think he's a Newton."

Newton. That sounded right. He was a Newton. He yipped happily, wagging his tail to let her know.

"Newton ey?" Mr Johnson said, smiling happily. "If you say so."

_____________________

This had been, the very worst day of his life. He'd been woken up very early, his brother's paws trampling on his ears, which hurt very much, and then he'd been made to walk a very long way, and made to sit while one by one his brother's and sister's were thrown into a pen with a big wooly creature. And he was scared. He didn't want to go in there. though the chasing did look like fun, but he was littler than the rest of his siblings, surely Mr Johnson wouldn't make him go in there. Oh no. He'd been picked up by Mr Johnson, lifted over the fence even though he whined, scratching at the man's coat trying to get back to his Mama, his teeth tugging at him.

"Come on now, Newton, your turn."

He was set on the ground, the wooly creature staring him down, and he couldn't help the panic rising in his chest, terror coursing through him, barking desperately, Please, no! Let me out! Please!

"Mr Johnson! Good morning!"

Kate! Kate help me! He whined, scrambling back under the fence, running towards her, her scent calming him as soon as he ran behind her skirt, letting her scoop him up.

"Oh Newton," She cooed softly, her hand he'd learned it was called, stroking the fur on his belly. "Do you not like your job?"

Mr Johnson huffed, "He's no good at his job, too small."

Her hands tightened on him, her voice sounded a little funny, "What are you going to do with him?"

Mr Johnson stared between them for a long moment before he said, "Run on home, Miss Kate, take your pup with you."

Newton yipped, Right, let's go. He'd wanted to go home with Kate for a while. He was sure it would be warm there, she was always very warm, and she smelled so nice.

Kate gasped, "Mr Johnson! Really?! Thank you! Thank you so much! I'll take such good care of him, I promise!"

His voice was gruff, "Your Papa would have wanted you to have one, run on home now."

Kate spoke to him the whole way back to her home, stroking his fur softly, "I live with Mary, she's not my Mama, but she's very nice and she loves me very much, and Edwina, she's my sister. You saw her once."

He remembered that, she seemed nice.

"I'm going to give you a bath, and then we'll ask Mary if you can sleep in my room, would you like that?"\Newton yipped, It would be warm inside, and his Kate would be there, yes, he'd like that very much. And Surely Mary would like him. He was friendly no?

"Kate, what is that?!" A woman said, Mary Newton guessed, asked a little startled, sometime later, as he lay in front of the fire on the soft carpet some time later, a ribbon Kate and Edwina had braided around his neck.

Kate looked up a little surprised, "Oh, Newton do you mean? Mr Johnson gave him to me? He's not very good at sheep herding."

Silence echoed through the room for a very long time before Mary sighed, "Kate, he can't sleep on your bed."

This was truly, the very best day, Newton decided as he lay curled up on Kate's soft mattress when the darkness came that night. And he'd never have to see a wooly creature again.

And a very long time later, he lay curled on a different bed. But this one he had to share with a different creature. The one Kate called Anthony.

#IDK what this is #newton the corgi #kathony #anthony x kate #kate sheffield #kate sharma #the viscount who loved me #bridgerton season 2

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doubleleoenergy · 3 years

Text

V. Off to the Races, Lolita Series

My old man is a tough man, but he got a soul as sweet as blood-red jam. And he shows me, he knows me. Every inch of my tar-black soul.

Series Masterlist

Pairing: bestfriendsdad!Andy Barber x fem!reader

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, mentions of alcohol, mentions of relationship violence, rape, and murder, pet names, passionate sex,

Words: 4025 (I am SO sorry for this)

Summary: Andy takes y/n on a weekend getaway while Jacob and his friends are out of town.

Two weeks had dragged on since Andy had gotten a taste of y/n’s sweet nectar, and since then nothing. It wasn’t like they really had the chance to be alone, Jacob and the other boys weren’t going out late at night or on the weekends as they usually did. Andy had to settle for his hand every night, reminiscing on their oral escapades.

It didn’t help that Andy had been swamped with cases, court appearances, and tons of paperwork. He had spent every night of those two weeks at the office until his eyes physically couldn’t stare at the cases in front of him anymore. Andy even showed up on the weekend to fit in a little extra work, hoping it would help take care of some of the load but to no avail. He was completely and thoroughly exhausted, and he could tell that y/n was as well.

She had worked directly with him on a few late-night cases, the rest of the time being spent shadowing Neal fucking Loguidice. It was great for her internship to do so, getting new perspectives of different attorneys in the office, but it was not as good for his jealousy.

By Thursday evening the heavy load of cases and paperwork had seemed to disappear, and Andy was grateful for being able to leave the office at a decent hour. With y/n in tow, he ducked into his Audi, waiting for y/n to get comfortable in the passenger seat before roaring the vehicle to life.

“Is it just me, or have these past two weeks been exhausting?” He asked, glancing out of the corner of his eyes at y/n as he drove. Andy knew her answer before she even opened her mouth, a loud groan leaving her lips as she rested her head back against the seat.

“You’re telling me, if I have to hear Neal mention one more time about his new kickboxing class, I’m going to gouge my eyes out. He really fucking sucks.” Her words elicit a chuckle from Andy’s lips, a smile of pride seeping onto his face. It was good to know she didn’t have any interest in Neal.

“We should do something fun this weekend, just the two of us. Maybe you’ll let me finally take you on a date” He suggested, lulling his car to a stop at the next red light. Y/N raised an eyebrow in his direction, cocking her head to the side. “Andy, I already told you, I don’t do relationships.”

Andy rolled his eyes, shifting in his seat to look at her. “Yeah, you said that, but I’m in it for the long game, y/n. You have to admit there’s something between us.”

“Andy…” She sighs, watching the sun setting out the passenger window. Sure, there was definitely something between him. Was he different from all the other guys before that she had hooked up with? Yes, of course. First off, she had never been with a man his age, someone with a career, a house, and a car of his own. He even had a pension and a life insurance policy; she hadn’t hooked up with any men who had those.

The car is silent as they pull into the garage, Andy immediately shutting off the car and sitting back in his seat. Y/N looked down at her lap awkwardly, reaching for the door but Andy stopped her with a tug to her wrist, getting her to look up at him.

“You want to be an attorney, right?” The question has her furrowing her brows, looking at him as if he had said ‘You know the sky is blue, right?’

“Of course, you know that, but what does that have to do with-” Andy cuts her off by holding up his index finger, loosening his grip on her wrist. “Attorneys defend their cases in court to a judge or jury, who then ultimately decide the fate of their clients. Their job is to convince someone that their claim is right.” Andy rests one hand on the steering wheel, a smug smirk crossing his lips.

“Saturday morning we’ll leave for a weekend getaway, planned by yours truly. This will all be part of my case as to why we should be together, no more games, officially together. You as the judge will examine the weekend's evidence and conclude on whether we should be together. If you decide after the weekend that you don’t think so, I’ll leave it alone and we won’t have to discuss it ever again. But I’m hoping for it to change your mind.” Before she can protest, Andy holds his hand up. “And I’ll even get us a room with two beds, no funny business, promise. So...will you hear my case out?”

Y/N had to admit, she had never been chased by a guy so ferociously, but what was the harm in seeing the evidence and getting a free weekend vacation out of it? She stuck her hand out for him to shake, a professional gesture for their arrangement. “Alright, I will gladly hear your case out.”

Andy had arranged it all down to the last detail, including lying to Jacob and the boys about an important conference for work that they both had to attend that weekend. Of course, he didn’t suspect a thing, he went out of town for conferences all the time, and thus his plan was set.

When Saturday morning finally arrived, Andy was feeling great. He had gone for an early morning jog, took a long shower, and even trimmed his hair and beard. Andy dressed in a plain white t-shirt and dark denim jeans, packing his bag with his essentials for the evening before walking out into the kitchen. As usual, the boys were all still asleep, hungover from their late-night game of shot roulette, which left the house extremely quiet.

Andy couldn’t help the smile creeping onto his face as he walked into the kitchen and saw y/n waiting at the counter, a familiar plate of breakfast and coffee next to her. “It’s a Saturday, you know that right? Thought breakfast was for workdays.” He stated, moving to sit at his usual spot beside her.

“Breakfast is the most important meal of the day.” She responded, taking a swig from her coffee mug. Andy’s eyes wandered along her body; her outfit of the day effortlessly beautiful. She wore a tight white bodysuit tucked into a pair of figure-hugging mint shorts; a pair of matching wedges slipped onto her dainty feet to complete the look.

“You’re right, it is.” Andy’s silverware moved to cut into his meal, chewing thoughtfully as he thought about the day ahead. “You’d think that by making me breakfast you were trying to plead your own case.” He teased, engulfing another bite of his food.

Y/N rolled her eyes at him, moving to set her now empty coffee mug in the sink. “I’ve got nothing to plead, you on the other hand, do.” She waits with her back to the counter, playing on her phone until he finishes his meal, setting his plate in the sink behind her.

“Are you ready to go?” He questioned, grabbing his duffel bag off the floor. Y/N followed suit, grabbing her tiny black suitcase and following him out into the garage. Andy grabbed the suitcase from her, setting it with his own bag in the trunk before they both got into the car, backing slowly out of the driveway.

It was a beautiful day out, the sun was shining, and there wasn’t a cloud in sight. “Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” Y/N asks, crossing her legs.

“Would it matter? You’re not familiar with the state anyhow.” He retorted, pulling up the address on his GPS as they started on their journey.

“True, I just want to know what I’m getting into.” Her eyes locked on the GPS, noticing the destination was an hour away. “Rockport? What’s in Rockport?” She asked, raising a shapely brow in Andy’s direction.

“Well for starters, it’s along the ocean, which guarantees a good view. It also has great shopping, beaches, and restaurants. It’s a nice little getaway.” Andy turns on the radio as the car goes silent, y/n admiring the view as they drive.

The silence in the car was comfortable, both of them enjoying each other’s company, and before they knew it, they had arrived at their home for the weekend. They were staying at the Cove at Rockport, a beautiful inn right along the ocean. It was even more classy than the photos online, and Andy made quick working of getting them checked into their room.

Andy and y/n walked together down the long hallway to their room, room one on the first floor. Unlocking the door with the key provided, Andy pushed it open, allowing y/n to step in and take in their living arrangements.

The main room was huge, donning a cute little breakfast nook adjacent to the kitchen, a living room, two separate bedrooms, and a bathroom. The decor was all beach themed, of course, shades of blues and beiges filling their sights.

“This definitely deserves a point towards your case.” Y/N admitted, chewing on her bottom lip. It was honestly the nicest place she’d ever stayed at, more luxurious than what she had expected. Walking further into the space, y/n pushed open the sliding door, the sound of waves hitting the shore bursting through her ears as she took in the view. It truly was gorgeous, much different from shitty life in Ohio.

“So, I did alright with my first piece of evidence?” He chortled, leaning back against the cool wall. Y/N continues to take in the view outside, a light breeze picking up and blowing her hair off her shoulders.

“I’d say so.” She shuts the sliding doors and walks back to investigate the sleeping spaces, setting her bags in the room with a large picture of a beach umbrella over the bed, the smaller of the two. “Well, what else do you have planned for your case? Because if this is it, I can come to a decision right away.”

Andy moved his own bag into the opposite room before walking into y/n’s and sitting down on the plush comforter. “I wanted to start the trip with a walk downtown, explore some of the shops before we get ready for our dinner reservations at six.”

Ah, he even sprung for reservations, what a smart man. “Sounds good, let’s explore.” Y/N got up from the bed, grabbing her purse before Andy followed her out, walking out of their room towards the lobby.

Downtown was only about a five-minute walk from the inn, an enjoyable stroll filled with laughter from a group of teens on the sidewalk, birds chirping in the trees, and the smell of fresh muffins wafting from the window of a bakery on the street. “Well, where should we look first?” He asked, turning to look at y/n for guidance on where she’d like to go.

They had spent about two full hours downtown, walking in and out of all the little shops, picking up a blueberry donut to share from one of the bakeries, and taking photos of each other along the Rockport streets. Most of the photos Andy took of y/n were very Instagram appropriate photos, staring down the camera and moving from angle to angle. On a few photos though, Andy would say something to make her laugh, snapping away at her genuine reaction.

Before long they were walking back into the room to get ready for their dinner reservations. Andy was pulling out all the stops, dressing up in one of his nicest black suits, a matching black tie situated atop a crisp white button down. He spritzed on some of his favorite Versace Eros cologne, adjusting the laces of his dress shoes before walking out into the living room. Andy had ordered a dozen red roses to be delivered to the suite, arriving shortly after he had finished getting ready, sitting on the couch with the flowers and waiting for y/n to walk out. God, he hoped this wasn’t too cheesy.

After about five minutes of waiting anxiously, the door to y/n’s room opened, noticing her delicate silver peep toe heels first. His eyes roamed up her toned and tanned legs, settling on her baby blue dress, off the shoulder with slightly puffy sleeves, a tie in the front revealing just a bit of cleavage. The ruffles on the hem swayed as she moved, her eyes taking in the sight of him as well with the flowers.

Suddenly Andy stood up, holding out the flowers to her. “You look incredible, Lolita.” There went the pet name again, though it was always so fitting for her. “Shall we go?” Y/N silently thanked him for the flowers, taking a whiff of their sweet aroma before setting them down on the counter near the door. She followed Andy to his car, waving him off when he tried to open her door for her. Her expression stayed on Andy the entire drive, inhaling his intoxicating cologne, licking her lips. Y/N had to admit, he always looked great in a suit.

The restaurant was only a ten-minute drive from the inn, a little classy seafood restaurant along the ocean coast. It was packed with people, a quartet playing Sinatra’s finest hits off in the far-right corner of the room. Some people were dancing, some were sitting along the bar against the left wall, while most were diners enjoying their meals at their table.

Y/N and Andy were led to a table near the back wall facing the ocean view. Andy started off by ordering a bottle of chardonnay for the table, taking in the sight of y/n lit up by the candlelight provided.

“This is beautiful, Andy.” She exclaimed, her eyes scanning the room and all the happy couples around them. Andy smiled before opening his menu, mulling over what to order. “I told you, I’m great at pleading my case. And as you know, I almost always win.” Y/N rolled her eyes, opening her own menu. “Key word, almost.”

After deciding on what to eat, Andy getting the seafood gnocchi and y/n ordering the lobster bisque, Andy poured them each a glass of wine, holding his up towards hers. “Cheers to an unforgettable night.” He exclaimed, clinking their glasses together before they each took a sip of their respective glasses.

As they wait for their food, Andy and y/n sit and talk more about their likes and dislikes, what they want in the future, and the day they had downtown. Their food arrives during the conversation and they continue to talk while they indulge in their meals, all the food just as incredible as the atmosphere.

About thirty minutes later Andy and y/n take in their last bites of food, sitting back and enjoying the liveliness around them. As they waited for their check to arrive, the sound of Sinatra’s hit ‘It Had to Be You’ started drifting from the quartet. Andy smiles, holding out his hand towards y/n as he stares down at her. “Dance with me?” He asks, taking in her surprised expression before she scoots herself out of her seat, grabbing his hand as he led her over to where the other couples were dancing. Andy places his hands on the small of her back, y/n wrapping her own around his neck as they sway to the tune.

“This is definitely not as good as dancing together at the club.” She joked, making Andy laugh. “Well, technically I wouldn’t call that dancing. More like...gyrating, or maybe dry humping? Definitely not the same.” Her smile brightened; his eyes locked on her as they moved. It was as if they were the only people there, like the whole world stopped to see them dance.

“For nobody else gave me a thrill. With all your faults, I love you still. It had to be you...Wonderful you...It had to be you…” The quartet crooned, the song ending and a few of the couples clapping in response. Andy’s eyes bore into y/n’s, licking his lips before leaning in and pressing a soft kiss to her lips, holding it for a moment before y/n pulled away, clearing her throat and letting go of his neck.

“M’sure the bill is on the table.” She stated, walking back towards their chairs. Andy let out a huff of disappointment, following her over to the table and paying for their meal before they walked in silence back to their car.

The car ride felt riddled with tension, the tension continuing to build as they got back to the room. “We need to talk, y/n.” He admitted as the door of their suite shut behind them, crossing his arms against his broad chest. Y/N leaned her weight against the wall between their bedrooms, tilting her head up to look at him.

“Andy…” She started, becoming silent again and chewing on her bottom lip. Andy’s stance becomes more tense, taking a step closer to her. “I want you, y/n. And not because of how mind-blowingly attractive you are. You are intelligent, thoughtful, and selfless. You’re not stuck up or fussy about material items. You make me feel like I’m in my twenties again, you make me feel like I’ve never felt with another woman.”

He takes another step closer to her, hovering above her due to his height. She puts her hands on his chest to stop him from moving, swallowing the lump in her throat.

“I’m terrified of this, Andy. How do I know you won’t turn out just like my piece of shit father, huh?” She leans her body weight against the wall, peering up at him.

“Look, I know how you feel, alright?” He moves away from her again, his back turned towards her as his hand ruffles through his hair. “I know firsthand, my father...he’s also in prison. He went to prison when I was young for raping and murdering a 19-year old woman. I vowed to myself to never ever treat a woman without kindness and respect. Though my marriage with Laurie wasn’t perfect, I’m sure she’d say that I was nothing like my father, and nothing like yours for that matter.”

He turns back to look at her, arms outstretched. “I promise I will never hurt you; you can trust me. I’m all in, y/n. And I meant everything I said.”

She processes his story of his father, realizing they had a lot more in common than she once thought. Her heart is beating so fast she thought it might splatter in her chest, closing the distance between the two quickly. Her hand came up to grip his jaw, leaning up and kissing him lovingly. They continue to kiss, y/n parting her lips to allow Andy’s tongue to slip inside, exploring her mouth and causing her to moan. After a moment they both pull away breathless, her hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“Okay...I’m all in too, with you.” Her words are all Andy had been wanting to hear, gripping her waist and kissing her lustfully this time, pushing them backwards until they both hit the wall again with a groan. His lips trailed a line of kisses down her neck and along her collarbone, shrugging off his suit jacket and making quick work at the buttons on his shirt, practically ripping the buttons off completely.

Y/N is tilting her head back against the wall, helping to push off his now open shirt to expose his God-like torso. This was her first time seeing his chest, running her cool fingers against his abs as he kissed back up her neck and into her mouth.

He plays with the fabric on sleeves of her dress, pushing them down so that she can fully shimmy out of the pale blue fabric. Her breasts are on full display, no bra to pull down, and Andy growled at the sight of them. They were just as perky as they had been while peeking through her outfits.

He nudged her body in the direction of his bed, hands making quick work of his belt and pulling down his trousers, kicking them into a pile as he walked into the bedroom after her in only his Calvin Klein briefs. Andy moved forward to kiss her again, knocking them both over onto the bed, a breathy laugh escaping her throat.

“God, you’re so fucking beautiful, my little Lolia.” He purred, his hands coming up between them to knead over her delectable breasts. Y/N cried out from the touch, grinding her hips up into Andy’s to evoke a similar noise from him. “Andy, need you…” She whined, her back arching off the bed, her panties rolling against his clearly clothed hard cock.

He slipped his hands lower, teasing his fingertips along her folds, already slick with her desire. “Need what, Lolita? Need you to tell me exactly what you want.” Her hands rub his cock through the thin fabric, a whine of impatience leaving her lips.

“Need you inside me, Andy. Please, fuck my pussy.” Her words ignite an animalistic groan from his lips, pulling off her and scooting her up further onto the bed until her head touched the pillows. He quickly tugged off his boxers, stepping out of them before shimmying her out of her panties, tossing them aside.

His eyes grew dark as he took in her naked form in front of him, stroking his cock. She really was the most beautiful woman he’d ever laid eyes on, and she was all his. Andy moved onto the bed, hovering over y/n with his cock dragging against her glistening folds. He was bigger than the guys she’d been with before, and the thought alone excited and terrified her. Her fingers land on the skin of his shoulder blades, pressing in lightly as she locks eyes with him.

“Andy, please.” She begs again. Andy keeps his eyes on hers as he pushes in slowly, giving her time to adjust as he moves inch by inch into her cunt. Her nails dig a bit deeper into his skin, mewling as he continues to press into her until he finally bottoms out, holding himself in place.

“God, my little Lolita, you’re so fucking tight...you’re milking my cock and I haven’t even moved yet. Do you want me to move?” He leant down and pressed a passionate kiss to her lips, waiting for her mumbled ‘mhm’ against him before he rolled his hips into hers.

The pace started slowly, building up speed with every little noise y/n’s mouth made, coming undone underneath him with each thrust. They continued to share soft kisses, moaning into each other’s mouths, y/n’s hands locking around his neck.

“Andy.” She breathed, her walls tightening and releasing around him. “Wanna cum for you.”

Andy quickened his pace, kissing along her pulse point on her neck. “Cum for me, Lolita. Want to feel you cum on my cock.” It doesn’t take her long after his sentence before she’s tightening her walls again, crying out as her orgasm rips through her. Her eyesight is full of stars, and it takes a second for her to regain her vision, focusing on Andy’s face once she does.

“M’gonna cum in this pretty cunt, fill you up to the brim.” He states, thrusting a few more times before coating her walls with his release. He stills inside of her for a moment before pulling out slowly and plopping down with his back on the bed next to her.

They both lie in silence, staring up at the ceiling, panting. The sex was incredible, better than they both could’ve imagined. Andy’s arm wraps loosely around y/n’s shoulder, tugging her into his chest and pressing a loving kiss to her forehead.

“You’re mine now, it’s official.” He looked down at her with a lazy smile, watching as her fingers began to trail up and down his chest. “Guess you could say I won yet another case.”

“Shut up, Andy.”

Tagging those who may be interested. Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list: @my-divine-death @blackwiddows @sokovianheadtilt @fuckandfluff @rattlemyb0nes @rootcrop @turtoix @sylvielaufeydottirr @jeremyrennermakesmesmile @ccmarvelxx @rebelemilu @tenaciousperfectionunknown @agentofbarnes @serendipityrogers

#doubleleoenergyseries: lolita #DLE Series: Lolita #andy barber #andy barber x reader #andy barber x female reader #andy barber smut #andy barber x reader smut

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cherrycocaineee · 3 years

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6. Draco Malfoy - Rainy Nights, Warm Drinks

*Warning - smut*

“I want you.”

“Keep your eyes open, look at me, baby.”

Draco’s p.o.v

Loud chatter filled the jam-packed dining hall as students discussed their Christmas plans while their grubby hands reached for the feast laid out before each house. My gray-blue eyes stared blankly at the turkey and sides that touched my plate, my fork picking at whatever it could reach without me moving too much. I was counting down the moments that led up to Dumbledore clinking his fork against his glass that would dismiss everyone from Hogwarts, sending them home. Each single tick drove me crazy as I shook my leg, desperately pleading for time to move faster. At the end of this feast, everyone would be on the train heading to their families, while I would finally get to see the one person that I couldn’t get off my mind. Even now, the only thing I could think about was seeing her beautiful face and hearing her soothing, angelic voice, tuning out the voices of my friends.

“Draco? Earth to Draco!”

Pansy’s voice sliced right through my current thoughts involving my plans after school. Blinking a few times, I turned my head to see Pansy, Blaise, Crabbe, Goyle, Pike, and Nott staring at me. While Pansy stared at me with concern, the guys stared at me skeptically.

“What?” I muttered, dully.

“Pansy asked you what you were doing during the break,” Blaise informed, taking a sip from his cup.

“Yeah,” Pansy agreed, “I was thinking you and I could go on a date since we won’t be in school.”

A date? I had broken up with Pansy a year ago with the excuse that dating her had become boring, which it had, however, the real reason I left Pansy was because I had fallen in love with another girl. The whole thing had torn me up since day one because I hadn’t believed that I, the Slytherin Prince, could have fallen for a muggle, and yet I did. After a whole week of thinking about it and running everything carefully through my mind, I finally decided that I didn’t love Pansy and needed to end it with her before things got too serious.

“I won’t be returning home this Christmas,” I stated, “Dumbledore has asked me to stay and help tutor some second years in potions.”

“That’s ridiculous!” Pansy sneered, “it isn’t your job to teach those brats.”

“You’re dad’s okay with that?” Nott asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

“He wasn’t at first but once Dumbledore told him that I was the highest ranking student when it came to potions, he settled down and decided that I’d make a great leader for those snot nose brats,” I spoke, pride dripping from my lying tongue.

Of course, staying at Hogwarts wasn’t a complete lie, it was just not the full truth. For the first four days of break, I’d be staying with Maggie and her Grandmother then I’d come back to Hogwarts to help out with tutoring, and it’ll keep going like that until school starts again. It was an agreement that I had worked out with Dumbledore after he found out about Maggie, which if I’m being honest, I’m not even sure how he found out.

“And you’re okay with it?” Blaise asked, amused.

“Doesn’t matter to me,” I muttered.

I looked back down at my plate, feeling their eyes still watching me but not paying attention to it. Eventually, Dumbledore stood up from his seat and clinked his silverware against his wine glass. The chatter stopped immediately as everyone turned their impatient attention to the headmaster. Excitement was bursting through my chest, something I never thought I’d ever feel for a girl like Maggie. Dumbledore started by wishing everyone a Merry Christmas and happy holiday, then proceeded in telling everyone what to expect when they got back from break. We were expected to practice and prepare for our O.W.Ls that were coming up, which Umbridge decided to announce after interrupting Dumbledore. I may have pretended to like Umbridge and do as she said to appease my friends, but in all honesty, I hated her more than I hated anyone else.

After all of Dumbledore and Umbridge’s talking, the feast disappeared from our tables and it was time for everyone to head to the train. I saw my friends on the train. Pansy turned around.

“Well maybe I can stay here with you, so you aren’t alone,” she offered.

Annoyance broke out across my face, “I’ll be fine, Pansy. I’m not interested in spending time with you anyway, so you’ll just be alone.”

She started pouting while the other snickered behind her back. Scoffing, she stormed past everyone onto the train. I waved goodbye to the others and they followed after Pansy to the cart. Those leaving for the Christmas holiday were finally headed towards the platform and those who would be staying at Hogwarts for the vacation headed back towards the school.

As I was approaching the entrance, I saw Dumbledore standing there waiting for me, a smile on his face.

“Good evening, Mr. Malfoy,” he stated, “have you gotten your belongings together?”

“My bag is sitting in my room,” I replied.

“Once you collect it, go to Hagrid’s. He’ll be waiting for you there to help you get to the muggle world. Have a safe trip.”

With that, Dumbledore walked away allowing me to go fetch my belongings.

I grabbed my trunk out of my dorm room and carried it all the way towards Hagrid’s small hut just a little ways from the school. Hagrid was outside playing fetch with his large hound as I finished walking towards him. Immediately, he looked up after tossing the rather large stick across the field.

“Malfoy,” Hagrid said, “what brings you here?”

I raised an eyebrow. He was kidding, right?

The big oaf laughed heartily and patted my shoulder with his gorilla sized hand.

“I’m messing, is all,” he bellowed, “let’s get a move on it before anyone notices.”

Hagrid opened the door to his home and gestured me inside. Sitting on the table when he opened the door was a thick, black bag filled with dark, gray powder. Hagrid scooted around me and picked up the black bag before meeting my gaze. This was awkward for me, and I knew he could tell but fortunately he didn’t say anything to make it worse. Instead, he told me that the floo network would take us to Diagon Alley and we’d have to walk through another entrance into the muggle world. From there we’d take a wizard bus, which I found odd, straight to Maggie’s farmhouse just on the outskirts of London. However, I grew bored with being explained the plan and just wanted to get there already.

I went through the floo network first and waited for Hagrid patiently for a moment. Once he was standing by my side, he took my luggage and walked with me through Diagon Alley. We both walked through the less populated parts of Diagon Alley until the two of us reached a dead end. Hagrid tapped his umbrella against the wall in a pattern and they started pulling apart revealing the empty alley of the muggle world. The smell was different from the one back in the wizarding world. I could definitely smell freshly mown grass, but there was an oil smell mixed in too. As Hagrid and I walked past all of the people and shops that adorn the streets, I could smell pastries, coffees, and other foods that I recognized. I could feel the inside of my mouth water.

We waited on the sidewalk near a coffee shop for what seemed like forever before a bus came to a sudden stop in front of us. No one seemed to notice its incredible speed.

“Why hello there, Hagrid,” said a frail, stubbled face man wearing a purple suit.

“Hello to you too, Stan Shunpike,” Hagrid laughed, “starting work a bit early, aren’t you?”

Shunpike gave a crooked smile and nodded his head before gesturing us on. I went to grab my trunk when Shunpike grabbed it instead, pushing me inside. The smell was something to gag at. It smelled worse than anything I could imagine. Hagrid took a seat.

“Aren’t you going to have a seat, Malfoy?” He questioned.

“No, I’d rather stand,” I muttered, disgust lacing my voice.

“Where to?” Shunpike asked.

Hagrid gave the address and Shunpike looked at us confused.

“That’s a muggle household.”

“Not completely,” Hagrid said, “Loral Belle is the homeowner, Dumbledore’s friend.”

A slow nod bounced off his thin shoulders and sat down.

“Ernie, you know where to go.”

As soon as the knight bus took off, the speed pushed me back. Not even my grip was strong enough to keep me in place and I ended stumbling backwards until Hagrid’s large hand grabbed ahold of me. I pretty much clung to Hagrid’s large arm as we whirlwind through the busy streets of London. Two trucks stood in the way of the bus and I thought we’d slow down. However, we didn’t. Instead, the bus warfed itself so that it was thinner and we slid right through the small crack separating the two muggle vehicles. It wasn’t long before we reached the dirt road that led to Maggie’s farmhouse. Hagrid paid Shunpike and told him that there was extra in it for him if he waited for him and kept this visit a secret. Shunpike agreed with a large smile on his face.

Hagrid grabbed my trunk and led the way to Maggie’s. He tried to make small talk with me as we hiked down the dirt road, but neither one of us knew what to say to each other.

“How did you meet her?” He finally asked, catching my attention.

“My father had some work to do with an old, retired friend,” I said, all of the memories flooding back to my mind, “I saw her sitting by the fountain reading a book when a group of guys started harassing her. I watched her try to get away from them, failing miserably, so I stepped in despite her being a muggle. A gentleman never lets a woman get pushed around. She already knew I was a wizard when I helped her, she said that her Grandmother had taught her to tell the difference from a young age. The more I talked to her, the more I liked being around her.”

A goofy smile appeared on his face, “she sounds like an amazing young woman.”

“She is.”

Sitting on the porch when we got there was Grandma Loral rocking back and forth while a red scarf was being knitted next to her in the air. When she saw us, a smile appeared on her face and she climbed to her feet, approaching us at the edge of her porch.

“Hagrid,” she greeted, “it’s been years.”

“Nice to see you too, Loral,” Hagrid said, “I wish I could stay long, but I’m only here to drop off Mr. Malfoy. I’ll see you in four day.”

I looked up at Hagrid, “thank you, Hagrid.”

If I didn’t know any better, which I didn’t, I could have sworn I saw tears in Hagrid’s eyes. He tried to push it away and claimed that dirt had gotten in his eye, but I knew the truth. No one was use to me being so nice, and seeing me do so meant to them that I was finally deciding things on my own and not because my father wanted them. Just like my decision to continue seeing a muggle. Grandma Loral and I waved goodbye to Hagrid, once he was gone, Grandma Loral sat back in her seat.

“Maggie’s in the garden out back,” she said smiling, “thank you for coming, Draco. I know that the decision couldn’t have been easy.”

“Actually,” I admitted, rubbing the back of my neck, “it was the easiest choice I’ve ever had to make in my life.”

Grandma Loral told me to head back there and she’d take care of my trunk. Nodding, I walked down the steps and headed down the cobblestone path to find Maggie sitting underneath a tree reading a book. Dozens of flowers of all shapes and colors surrounded her and blew in the breeze. Her brown, curled locks of hair brushed delicately against her freckled face. She was as beautiful as the day I first saw her. I walked over to her and smiled at how deeply invested she was in her novel.

“Mind if I sit?” I asked.

Her body jerked and her head whipped around to see me standing there with a smirk on my face. A large grin stretched against her face from ear to ear before nodding eagerly. As soon as my body was positioned next to her, she threw her arms around me and squeezed tightly.

“I’m so happy to see you,” she said, releasing me from her tight grip.

“I’m happy to see you too, Maggie,” I said, “how have you been?”

“I’ve been fine. Things have been a little difficult lately.”

When I asked her why, a sad expression came to her face. I thought maybe she was being bullied more, but as she explained, I realized that it wasn’t that. Grandma Loral was getting sick and it was getting worse and worse. Maggie was worried that she’d lose her grandmother and have no one once she’s gone. I touched her hand and told her it was going to be okay. She looked up at me.

“How have you been?” She asked, her smile trying to distract me from her growing tears.

I told her about Umbridge and my family, she never looked away from me and held on to my hand the way I held on to her’s when she told me about her Grandma. It seemed we were both going through some stuff right now and all we wanted was for someone to talk and relate to.

The remainder of the day moved quicker than I had hoped. Maggie was now in the kitchen cooking up some soup for dinner while I set up the dining table. From the kitchen, the two of us could hear Grandma Loral coughing up a storm. Maggie grabbed a glass, filled it with water, and brought it to her grandma before returning to finish dinner.

After supper, Maggie helped her grandma to bed before joining me in the living room with two glasses of hoto cocoa. Rain started to drum against the roof of the farmhouse, lightning slashing against the darkened sky and thunder rolling across the heavy clouds. With each passing second, the rain got harder and louder. I sipped on my warm beverage and looked at Maggie. She had whipped cream sitting above her lip and I laughed causing her to look at me.

“What?” She asked, an innocent smile dancing on her face.

“You’ve got some whipped cream on your lip,” I chuckled, leaning forward and wiping it away with my thumb.

A small red tint appeared on her face as she tried to avoid eye contact with me. I could tell she was embarrassed and I found it to be more attractive than ever. I scooted closer to her and she looked at me.

“Draco, is everything okay?” She asked.

“I love you,” I blurted out.

Her bright green orbs widened in shock and I started to regret saying anything to her. I looked away from her, but she grabbed my shoulder, pulling it to face her.

“I love you too,” she hummed.

Before I could stop myself, I smashed our lips together, saying a silent prayer that neither of us were holding that hot beverage. The kiss deepened and I pulled her into my lap, gripping her waist tightly to keep her in place. When we pulled away, she was panting from the lack of air, her lips red and slightly swollen from the heated kiss. I leaned down and started nibbling on her neck, earning a small whimper from her.

“D-Draco,” she gasped.

I unattached my lips from her warm flesh and peppered her jaw with kisses before reaching her ear.

“I want you, Maggie.”

Her body shivered at my words and I smirked. Maggie was gripping onto my blazer tightly.

“But I-”

“Shh,” I cooed, “I’ll be gentle.”

I waited for her to give me the signal to continue. When her head nodded, I laid her down on the cushioned couch and began kissing her again. I traced my tongue against her bottom lip and tasted the cherry lip gloss she had coated her plump lips with after dinner. My fingers squeezed her thigh and she gasped, giving me full entrance to the inside of her mouth. I slipped my tongue into her warm, wet mouth and our tongues fought over dominance, however, Maggie’s submissive side kicked in and she let me take control easily. Quiet moans spilled from her muffled mouth. When I pulled away from her, a small string of saliva pulled from both of our lips. A rosy tint illuminated off her face and her green eyes were hazy, her floral shirt was pulled up, revealing her black, laced bra.

“Fuck,” I hissed, my pants growing tighter at the sight of her coming undone from my touch.

Pulling myself up, I removed my blazer and tie before unbuttoning my white, dress-up shirt. Her glistening eyes watched my every move, widening at the sight of my bare chest. She started nibbling on her bottom lip as I pulled at the hem of her shirt.

“Let's get this off,” I muttered, my voice husky and dripping with arousal.

Maggie didn’t argue, she just pulled her shirt above her head revealing more of herself to me. I groaned as I leaned down and started sucking on her exposed skin, leaving wet kisses against her porcelain skin. Her heartbeat was pounding against her chest, her skin was heating up, and her fingers gripped the couch cushion. I reached behind her and unclipped her bra clasp. Immediately, her hands moved to cover herself up. I lifted her chin.

“Don’t hide yourself, baby girl,” I whispered, “let me see you, please.”

“Okay,” she whispered.

She allowed me to remove her bra from her small body and I tossed it to the side with the rest of our clothes that littered the living room floor. I pressed my lips against hers once again, my left hand gripped her left breast and I almost melted at the feeling of her perfectly soft, fleshy breast. Her pink, peachy nipples hardened from both the cold air and my calloused hands pinching at them. Her moans were becoming louder, but not too loud since her grandmother was sleeping.

“Draco, please,” she moaned, her hips moving against my own.

“What is it?” I moaned back, “what do you need, baby girl? Tell me.”

“I-I need you. Please.”

Those words turned me on even more. I unbuttoned her shorts and pulled them off, her black matching panties hugged her hips. I hooked my fingers to her lacy panties, pulling them down and revealing her perfect pink cunt. My pants were becoming more and more uncomfortable by the second, so I quickly removed them from my body, discarding them to the floor with the rest of the pile. I started kissing her breast, sucking on her nipples, and tracing open mouth kisses against her body until I reached her lower area. The sweet aroma coming from her was intoxicating and I felt drunk from the scent alone.

I traced my tongue against her already soaking slit causing her to shiver and moan. My tastebuds were coated with her delicious nectar and I couldn’t help but dive in quickly. Her small fingers tangled themselves into my gelled hair, messing up every strand. A list of moans echoed off the walls as I flicked my tongue hungrily over her clit. Maggie tried to close her legs, but I pinned them back down. My gray-blue eyes flickered up, meeting her lustful orbs. She was covering her mouth because she was becoming too loud. Careful not to hurt her, I slipped a single finger between her folds and she flinched. I stopped.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, “do you want me to stop?”

“N-no, it’s okay,” she panted, “i-it’s all just a n-new experience.”

Nodding, I went back to lapping up her flowing juices and started entering my finger again. This time it slipped in with ease. A few seconds passed and I added another finger, moving them slowly in and out of her.

“D-Draco, faster.”

I didn’t waste time and started moving my fingers faster and faster into her sex. Her back arched off the couch, I could feel her clenching around my fingers and I could tell she was getting closer and closer to her release. I started sucking on her swollen clit and she yelped out before cumming all over my fingers. I removed them from her then placed them in my mouth, sucking every last drop off of them. Groaning against my fingers, I pulled them out with a pop.

“Delicious,” I hummed, watching her chest move rapidly as she caught her breath, “have a taste.”

I captured her lips with mine and rummaged my tongue around her warm mouth. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head making me smile at how undone she looked for me. I pulled away.

“Doesn’t that taste amazing, sweetheart?” I whispered in her ear.

All she could do was nod her head. Sweat was beaded against her forehead and her hair was starting to cling to her face, it was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

“Ready?” I asked, “and use your words for me.”

“I-I am,” she muttered, “I-I’m ready.”

Climbing on top of her, I aligned my hardened member with her entrance before pushing it, peppering kisses against her face as she cried out in pain. Once I was finally nestled inside of her aching cunt, I stayed there to let her adjust to my size. A minute passed by when she gave me the okay to move, then I started moving my hips at a slow pace. Every time I pulled out and pushed back in, I felt myself get squeezed around.

“God damnit!” I groaned quietly, “so fucking tight. It feels amazing, Maggie.”

“D-Draco, you’re s-so…” she couldn’t even finish her sentence.

I started moving faster and harder with each stroke and both of our moans filled the room along with the sound of our sweaty skin slapping against each other. Despite the noise coming from us, we remained quiet enough so we didn’t wake up Grandma Loral.

Maggie squeezed her eyes shut as I started snapping my hips harder to meet hers. I grabbed her chin with my right hand and pulled her head to meet mine, my lips feathering over her. Her warm breath fanning over my chapped, slightly parted lips.

“Keep your eyes open. Look at me, baby,” I said strictly.

Maggie’s eyes opened and our eyes stared at one another as I drilled into her repeatedly. Her nails raked into my back causing me to growl at the stinging pain. I lifted one of her legs over my shoulder for a better position, my cock now going deeper into her sweet sex.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” I moaned, resting my forehead against her, never tearing my eyes away from hers.

“Oh my God,” she said.

“Feel good, huh sweetheart,” I praised, “you love being fucked like this.”

I didn’t want to take it too far, afraid that me being rough or even degrading her would cause her to push me away. She was sensitive. But Maggie seemed to love my words and nodded her head furiously as she started meeting my thrust.

“Yeah you do, fucking slut.”

Her moans were like music to my ears and I could feel her tightening around my throbbing cock. I wrapped my hand around her throat, not too tightly, her free hand gripping my arm as I practically slammed into her with inhuman speed. I didn’t know what came over me, but everything felt intoxicating and I felt energy rushing through me.

“I-I’m going to cum,” she whimpered.

“Then do it,” I growled against her lips, “cum.”

Her body started shaking as pure pleasure rushed over her small form. I watched her emerald eyes roll to the back of her head as I continued to slam into her, riding out her high. Our moans got louder, and we didn’t care that we were being loud. If we got caught, we got caught. All that mattered to me was watching her, being with her, loving her.

My thrust started getting sloppy as I felt myself coming to my end. I removed my hand from her throat, letting her lungs collect the well needed air, and buried my head into her sweaty neck. With a few final, strong thrust, I came inside her dripping cunt and moaned in her ear, or more like growled with pleasure. Her body shivered at the sound as she knotted her fingers in my hair. My body collapsed onto her, our chest heaving up and down as we tried to settle down. Once our breathing returned to normal, I pulled myself out of Maggie and laid next to her. I looked at her.

“Sorry,” I whispered, as I tiredly chuckled, “I didn’t mean to finish inside you.”

She giggled and shook her head, “it’s okay. I’m on birth control, so it’ll be fine.”

I smiled at her and leaned down to pick up my dress-up shirt. It was cool to the touch and as I cleaned up the mess on Maggie, she closed her eyes enjoying the welcoming, cold cloth. After I cleaned the both of us up with my shirt, I laid back down. Lightning flashed against the sky once again as a loud rumble of thunder hit the clouds. Maggie sat up and cracked the window open, the cool breeze washing over our sweaty bodies. I pulled her into my arms and nuzzled against her.

“I love you, Maggie,” I whispered.

“I love you too, Draco,” she said, “now and forever.”

Forever, huh?

A smile appeared on my face as I closed my eyes and drifted to sleep next to the one girl I would sacrifice everything for. All of the thoughts that once invaded my mind, the unsureness of being with a muggle, how my father would act once he found out, all of it, disappeared. The only thought left was how I would protect her from Voldemort, and if she would still be by my side when she found out I was destined to be a death eater. But all of that could wait. I wanted nothing more than to enjoy the next four days with her.

I’ve never felt so relaxed before.

Forever sounds nice.

#draco malfoy #draco smut #draco imagine #draco lucius malfoy #draco malfoy smut #draco #malfoy #muggle #harry potter #harry potter smut #smut #dm stories #hp smut #draco fluff #draco fanfiction

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amphxtrite · 3 years

Text

cedric diggory x slytherin fem!reader

warnings: smut, swearing, oral (female receiving), hand job, fingering, riding, kind of dom x dom, spelling/ grammar mistakes.

do not read if you are not comfortable.

summary: Badgers and snakes are born into their rivalry, even in the wild they are practically bred to fight and show their dominance. Cedric and the reader have hated each other from the moment they met. It’s not until Cedric puts his name into the goblet of fire and nearly gets killed that feelings become clear. fluff at the end.

a/n: thank you to @cedricsyellowscarf and nonnie for requesting!

word count: 4.6k

enjoy <3

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When you think of slytherins, what’s the first thing you think of?

Cunning, resourceful, and badass?

Y/n L/n was all the above when you thought of a stereotypical member of the house of black and green, someone who knew what they wanted and would fight with a smirk on her face.

Hufflepuffs on the other hand are thought to be loyal, compassionate, and sweet.

Cedric Diggory fit the description perfectly. The school golden boy with a pretty face and a kind personality.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. But just like in nature, the badger and the snake were born to fight.

When Cedric first met you, a chill went up his spine, everything about you screamed ‘no’ at him and had a scowl resting on his face seconds after just seeing you. Similarly, the hufflepuff gave off a goody-two-shoes aura, someone who couldn’t relax and caved into every demand thrown at them. You didn’t know why, but you had the overwhelming urge to push all this boy’s buttons and drive him insane. Maybe it was the whole ‘strict prefect, and perfect person’ thing going on, but you just wanted to have some fun with him.

You started small. Flirtatious winks, smirks and checking him out when you knew he was looking. The reactions ranged from annoyed to bashful and if you were lucky he grew absolutely seething.

“What the hell are you doing l/n?” He sighs as you brush your arm past him in the hall.

“What Diggory? Am I not good enough to be in your presence?” You scoff, turning to face him. “Listen, I know what you’re trying to do and it won’t work.” The badger snarled.

“Oh Diggory, it already has.” Your smirk, brushing your wand down his jawline and licking the outside of your teeth.

Cedric couldn’t explain what got him so ticked off about you, maybe it was your care-free demeanour; someone who could get whatever she wanted with a snap of her fingers. He’d seen you in between classes, people fawning over you or begging for your forgiveness, only to be met by your stoic face. Your whole being betrayed every instinct and belief Cedric held, and the voice in his head begged to attack.

And so the battle between the badger and the snake continued, you pushed the badger’s buttons, challenging him and egging him on to snap.

“I’m not going to ask again l/n.” The brunette seethed, taking hold of your arm and pulling you back towards him after your fingers brush his back. “Ask what?” You cock your eyebrow with a grin.

“Did the pretty boy finally lose his composure?” Your grin turns malicious and Cedric pushes you against the wall. “In your dreams l/n.”

“Oh indeed you do.”

The two of you were natural born rivals, coexisting to keep the other on their toes and keep natural instincts alive. Both sides are stubborn, unwilling to let the other win. It was destined that one of you would though, these things don’t just end in draws.

As you ‘flirted’ relentlessly, Cedric’s only offence was his retaliation. He had a feeling you’d stop if he never reacted, but a piece of Cedric enjoyed the challenge and almost craved the game.

When the badger put his name into the goblet of fire you almost scoffed. Maybe you had done it, driven him off the edge and caused him to go insane. But as the boy clad in black and yellow turned to reveal a smile, you nearly choked on your pumpkin juice. How on Earth was this fool smiling at the fact he could’ve just signed himself up for a public, gruesome death.

It may be hard to believe, but even snakes can become ‘compassionate’ when it comes to things they are close too, and while you couldn’t call what you and Cedric had, a compassionate situation, a sense of worry and dread overtook your senses.

“Hey is your head in the right space?” You fall into step with the badger and place your hand onto his forehead to check if the boy was sick.

“What is your problem?” Cedric flinches back, confusion flashing onto his face as soon as your hand comes into contact with him.

“Oh I’m just checking you haven’t lost your mind Diggory.” You roll your eyes and flash a sickly sweet smile.

“It’s none of your business what I choose to do l/n, now leave me alone.” The brunette’s face remains firm.

“As you wish, your majesty.” You smirk and fall back to head to your friends.

Despite the internal fight the hufflepuff couldn’t help but almost feel sorry for the way he reacted to your gesture. It was the first time you’d shown any type of kindness towards him. And while rather strange, he knew he shouldn’t have let his aggressiveness win over his true personality.

The badger never found his voice to apologize though, and the rivalry proceeded. You wiped any trace of worry from your face and continued your mission of driving the golden boy crazy. Only thing that was different was the way Cedric reacted. When you first began your flirtatious mission, Cedric grew angry and annoyed at your attempt to gain his attention. He knew you were trying to distract him and he let it get to him.

The silver-eyed hufflepuff started to look forward to your pestering, your flirting was the only fun he got after his name was pulled from the goblet. His schedule became jam packed with training, classes and pity parties from every student who made eye-contact with him. He was happy to see that something hadn’t changed.

The first task came and had you holding your breath at each champion’s battle with their dragon. Your mouth dropped open in awe at each unique way of conquering the task, and by the time Cedric stepped up to face the Short-Snout, you were already on the edge of your seat.

Snakes are in no means known for their love, but it is known they can show compassion in subtle ways. Worry blossomed in your stomach as you watched Cedric transfigure the boulder into a dog, he was taking a huge risk using it as a distraction, when the dragon could turn at any moment. Cedric managed to grab the egg moments before the dragon lost interest in the labrador, and a weight seemed to lift from your shoulders and a small smile shone through as you joined in on the applause.

The second task arrived and the four champions dive into the water in search of their treasure. Cedric surfaced first with the girl who attended the ball with him, ensuring his spot in first. Krum was next with Hermione, Harry coming in last, but with Fleur’s person along with his.

Cedric was rather confused to see Cho at the bottom of the lake. The egg stated the treasure was the thing they missed the most, so the professors must have gotten the wrong idea when Cedric showed up at the dance with the ravenclaw, she’d simply been kind enough to be there as support because Cedric had no one else to attend with.

By the third task, the entire wizarding world was biting their nails at the anticipation of the triwizard tournament. Sitting in the bleachers in front of the massive maze, it made you uneasy you may have to sit through one of these champion’s screams, injuries or even death.

“Tied In first place we have Cedric Diggory and Harry Potter. They will enter first, shortly followed by Viktor Krum and Fleur Delacour.”

At the sound of the flare, the hufflepuff and gryffindor cautiously make their way into the green maze, choosing each step with caution and wands clutched tightly in their hands, until all that was seen was the walls of the hedge.

Cedric had endured a lot through the triwizard tournament and he was not going to give that up for anything. When he spotted Harry close by the cup, his aggressive side took over and he tried to beat the boy who lived. When Harry actually ended up saving his life, he knew there was no way he could take this victory.

The two of them touched the cup and suddenly the world morphed and they were transported to a graveyard. “A… Portkey.”

A short man enters their vision as Cedric’s weakened frame points his wand towards the intruder. “Petrificus Totalus!” The unknown man shouts as Cedric’s body seizes and he falls flat on his face, his body ignoring his constant attempts at moving to help Harry, he can only listen to everything happening as he lays uselessly against the ground.

“Cedric! Get up, we need to go now!” Harry’s frantic voice calls as He pushes Voldemort and his death eaters back. The binding pressure is suddenly released and the hufflepuff immediately jumps to his feet. He runs to the portkey, throwing back any death eaters getting too close to Harry before grabbing his hand and taking hold of the triwizard cup.

The two boys are transported back into the maze, but they waste no time rushing out and grabbing hold of the first people they see. “V-Voldemort’s back!” Harry screams, followed by Cedric’s own voice. Looks of confusion flash on everyone in the audience's face, but as the champions break down they have no way to deny it, something terrible was coming to Hogwarts.

Amos Diggory makes a beeline for his son while Harry is dragged away by professor Moody. Cedric is gasping for breath and searching around for something, someone, to keep him sane. When your eyes meet Cedric’s eyes flash in hope and he begins to limp in your direction, stumbling and falling often, but not leaving his path despite his father’s grasp. You stand to question the hufflepuff, but he simply collapses into your arms.

“I-I’m so sorry for how I t-treated you. I shouldn’t have let m-my feelings define you, a-and I hate that I despised you for n-no reason.” Cedric begins to cry in fear he could’ve died without finally getting his apology off his chest. He wraps you tightly in his arms and his breathing grows rapid. “P-Please forgive me.” He manages in between breaths and your emotionless barrier falls. “Deep breaths Diggory, you’re going to pass out if you keep this up.” You caress the boy’s back in a soothing manner, but Cedric’s murmuring only rapidly increases, and you were beginning to feel a headache. “Hey, it's alright! I forgive you.”

His muttering continues.

“Ced, please you’re bleeding, let’s go get help.”

No use.

As a final resort you gently lift Cedric’s face from the crook of your neck; tears are streaming down his face and apologies continue to flood your ears.

“Save your breath Diggory.” You smirk, pressing your lips to Cedric’s scabbed pink ones.

Your lips are still as Cedric registers your movement, his eyes widen, but slowly close as your smooth lips pull him into a daze. The slight taste of blood is forgotten as Cedric stands and cups his hands around your face, tilting his face to deepen the kiss and slip his tongue into your mouth. As he familiarizes himself with your taste a low groan emits from the back of the champion’s throat and he pulls away to look at you.

In nature, badgers and snakes are natural born enemies, but when Cedric looked into your eyes, the badger lost its temper and the snake became calm. In the Hogwarts walls the snake and the badger felt something new bubble inside them, and the statement ‘opposites attract’ finally began to make sense. Two people, so different, yet so drawn to each other. Finally giving in to their feelings, with primal instincts still flooding their senses.

“You shouldn’t have done that, once I start, I might not be able to stop.” Cedric’s voice grows low in arousal and he leans his face closer to yours.

“Then don’t stop Diggory, take me.”

Cedric immediately takes your hand in a firm grip and walks you down the bleachers, promising his father to go to the hospital wing, but entering the quidditch pitch’s change room instead.“I-I need you y/n. Fuck, you’ve made me want you for so damn long.” He moans desperately, pushing you against the stone wall and placing his hands wherever he could. You trail your fingers down the hufflepuff’s torso and nibble on his lower lip. Cedric’s hips jolt and you’re met with a sudden pressure on your lower abdomen.

“Someone’s excited.” You smirk, reaching your hand down the brunette’s trousers to take his length into your hand.

Your eyebrows raise at the champion’s size, but you don’t let it shine through as your tease your hand against him, brushing past his tip before using his precum as lubricant to move against him.

When Cedric’s face contorted into a look of pure pleasure and lust, you were sure that this was the reaction you’d wanted from Cedric from the start. Lip in between his teeth and eyes shut tight as he bites back moans and lightly tugs on your hair.

You move your hand faster, smirking in pride as loud whimpers begin to exit beautifully from Cedric’s lips and he begins rocking himself against your palm.

“You like it when I use my hand Diggory?” You tease, applying even more pressure to his aching cock as he began to twitch in your grasp.

“Oh fuck yes y/n, just like that.” The hufflepuff’s rough hands move down from your hair to grasp your face and connect your lips again, drowning out the sound of pure ecstasy leaving his mouth with each thrust of your hand.

“You better be quiet Diggory, or people will know how much of a naughty boy you are.” You whisper in a low voice.

“I’d watch your mouth if I was you.”

Cedric removes your hand from his pants and pushes you on to a wide bench, holding you down so you can’t move.

“Now it’s my turn to make you writhe.” He growls with a devilish grin, pressing open mouth kisses against your neck and sucking on the sensitive skin as he works off your skirt.

Your head falls to the side as Cedric finds your weak spot, a mewl signaling him to go harder. His hands pull down the zipper on your back and he carefully pulls it down as your intoxicating whimpers egg him further on.

“Well princess, I guess you got what you wanted.” Cedric smirks, dropping to his knees in front of you and throwing your skirt to the side.

“You’re driving me absolutely insane.”

Euphoria flows through every single nerve in your body when Cedric presses his rough fingers against your clit, the only thing separating you and pure bliss being a thin piece of fabric. Cedric uses the cloth of your panties as extra friction, slowly circling his fingers around as your back arches and your breath grows irregular. Leaning forwards, he takes the lace of your undergarment between his teeth and pulls it down your thighs, swiftly prying your legs apart as soon as your panties drop to your feet and pass your ankles. “Now be a good girl and keep these open, alright?” Cedric mutters, in a dark voice as he descends.

The hufflepuff tests the waters by licking a stripe up your core, hiding a cheeky grin at the sound of your choked moan and continuing to lap at your slick folds.

Your vision fills with dots and your mind is deprived of any thought, your only feeling was Cedric’s strong tongue flicking around and dipping in and out of your slit.

“So wet for me love?” He groans deeply, the taste of your heat, causing his arousal to grow exponentially. Your only response is the incoherent moans and curses stringing past your lips as your back arches and your body pulses in bliss.

As your hips start to buck and your legs close against his face, Cedric uses one hand to press your abdomen down and using his arm and other hand he pushes your legs apart again, your moans fueling his strength. When the brunette adds his fingers into the array, your hands move from your clothed breasts to Cedric’s soft brown hair. A sudden rush of pleasure has your grip tightening in the champions curls, and a loud curse echoes through the empty room.

“You like it when I pull your hair like that Diggory?” You tease through the pulsing in your body. “Fuck, do that again y/n.” His deep growl responds as his fingers quicken and hit deeper inside your tight walls.

With each tight grip in Cedric’s curls, a loud moan was heard in response as he thrusts his fingers deeper and sucks harder, letting his moans vibrate through to your clit to fill your lower stomach with butterflies.

“I-I’m gonna cum!” You whimper loudly.

“You can cum if you beg.” The hufflepuff purrs with one last roll of his tongue, pausing his fingers, still deep inside of you. Every ounce of your dignity is shredded as the pleasure of Cedric’s mouth and fingers stop.

“Please Diggory, let me cum.” You mewl in desperation, but he doesn’t move.

“Try again love.” He smirks in amusement.

“Please Cedric, you make me feel so good! I’m so fucking close, I need to cum.” You moan in frustration, grinding your hips frantically for any friction. Cedric chuckles darkly, pulling his fingers out almost fully before slamming right back into you.

“Merlin, you say my name so perfectly darling.” The brunette grins, pulling his finger out and slamming back again.

“Say it again.” Cedric commands, attaching his lips to your clit, his fingers now ramming in and out of you.

“Cedric! Oh fuck!” your choked voice almost comes out as a sob, and your incoherent moans mix deliciously with your lover’s name.

With the combined stimulation of Cedric’s rough fingers and strong tongue, a coil snaps as your body seems to lose control. Writhing, pulsing, and gripping Cedric’s hair as you pant for breath.

Cedric pauses the assault with his tongue, but continues using his fingers to help ride out your high.

When the shockwaves finally stop and you’re able to open your eyes again, Cedric is leaning directly above you, a grin plastered on his face. “You’re so beautiful when you cum.” The hufflepuff begins kissing down your neck as his hands move down his torso and pulls his shirt up his chest. Cedric pauses to wince as cuts reopen and the fabric irritates his bruises, but when you sit up to help him, he pushes you down again. “I’m fine, It’s just a couple scratches.” He smirks looking back down at you, but you’ve regained your senses and have pushed the toned champion back onto the bench and climbed onto his lap.

“Are you sure? You looked pretty banged up.” your voice comes out as a soft whisper as you begin to press butterfly kisses to his bruises.

“Yes, f-fuck y/n.” He groans as you suddenly bite down on his shoulder, sucking on it for a couple seconds until you’re sure a hickey will form.

“Good, because it’s my turn now.”

You lift your hips from his lap to tug his shorts down and he lifts his bottom up to help you. As soon as they’re off you begin to unbutton your blouse, shrugging it off before leaning forwards and running a finger down Cedric’s abdomen. “Help me?” You smirk, standing and brushing your hair aside to reveal your bra strap. Cedric obliges with shaky fingers as his cock grows harder and begins twitching. Once it comes loose, you turn and connect lips with Cedric’s again, moving your hand to the back of the brunette’s head to run your hands through his hair and cup his jaw. Cedric takes your hips into his hands and slowly brings you towards him again. You shuffle onto Cedric’s lap again, hovering just above his cock as he rubs the sides of your body.

Without warning you sink onto him, relaxing your walls to take all of Cedric’s length. His grip on your waist tightens as you wrap around him. Strings of curses leave his mouth as his head falls onto your shoulder and he nips at the sensitive skin. When you’re halfway down, he moves his hands from your hips to your breasts, massaging them roughly and peppering kisses all over. With the Help of Cedric’s wandering hands and caring mouth, you bottom out and adjust to the feeling of being full. Your hands dig into Cedric’s shoulder blades and you begin moving up and down. It’s slow at first, you aren’t quite sure how to do it, but the hufflepuff uses his hands on your hips to guide you and soon you’re bouncing up and down, the grip on your side and the waves of euphoria from Cedric’s cock pushing you further than you could have ever thought possible.

“You feel so good darling.” Cedric sighs, his eyes squeezed shut and mouth wide open as your walls wrap tighter against him with each bounce. You don’t respond, your thoughts occupied with keeping the euphoric feeling coming. Using Cedric’s broad shoulders you begin to pick up the pace, sucking dark marks into existence on his chest, panting breathy moans into his ear and tightening your grip around his shaft to earn you that desperate moan that made you dizzy.

With the overstimulation from your voice and love bites Cedric could feel his release coming, but he wasn’t ready to end this just yet, with the last couple bounces he summoned as much strength as he could to lift you from his lap and release onto your abdomen. It took everything in him not to drop you or collapse right there, but he managed, setting you back down on the wide bench to push you back and tilt your chin up to meet eye to eye.

“Don’t t-think I’m done with you yet princess.” He growls.

The lustful look in your eyes as your pupils dilated and your mouth hung open had him hard all over again and before you could reply with something witty, he pounded right back into you.

Your head is thrown back at the new angle Cedric is fucking you in, your back arches so he can move deeper and your legs swing up to wrap around his torso, bringing him impossibly close to you. Cedric responds with vigorous thrusts, desperate for you to submit to him and end this with him on top. While he desperately rolls his hips into yours, you pull his head down and reconnect your lips, using your tongue to explore his mouth as you swallow the breathy moans of the grey eyed hufflepuff. Your teeth clash, lips mold and tongues dance as Cedric fucks you senseless.

“Oh fuck Cedric right there!” You cry, rolling your hips up to meet the champion’s needy thrusts and allowing your moans to fill the empty air. Skin hitting skin is the only sound other than your moans and cries mixing together, intimately connecting and reconnecting over and over as wave after wave of pleasure and euphoria floods your veins and every corner of your body. Your eyes roll back and your toes curl with each movement of Cedric’s hips and with his arms pinned above your head and his low groans right in front of your face you could not contain the knot that was forming in your abdomen. Your nails rake down Cedric’s back and bury themselves into his hair as you grin victoriously at the loud profanities spilling through his gritted teeth. With each pump of his length the knot grows tighter and tighter, Pleasure is swapped with pure bliss and Cedric can feel it too as his thrusts grow sloppy and your core tightens against him. He lets himself go, and you follow right behind him. The proof of your pleasures stream between the two of you, down your legs and in between where you are still connected.

Cedric helps you ride out your high as you run your shaky finger up and down his chest, a smile growing on your face as Cedric finally opens his eyes and looks back down at your tired form, panting and grinning back down at you.

“I win.” He smirks, lazily pulling out of you and resting himself on his elbows.

“In your dreams Diggory.” You roll your eyes and move some hair out of the boy’s face.

“Oh are we back on the last name basis?” Cedric chuckles, cupping your cheek and using his thumb to circle your cheek.

“Only if you want Ced.” You sigh, tilting your head closer to Cedric’s warm palm.

“Well in that case, you better get used to calling me Cedric, y/n.” The hufflepuff beams, sitting up and pulling you onto his lap.

Your eyes widen and you begin to laugh joyously as you connect your lips to Cedric’s again, mumbling sweet nothings in between each peck. You stay like that for a second, in each other’s arms, relishing the feeling of finally being complete and content, but as you press your hand to Cedric’s chest he winces and you know the moment has to end.

“Alright lover boy, it’s time to get you to the hospital wing.” You sigh, pecking Cedric’s lips once more before grabbing your wand and quickly cleaning off the mess in between you and Cedric’s legs. “Do I have too?” Cedric groans, pulling you back to him, as you clasp your bra on. “I’m sure I’ll be fine just sitting here in your arms.” He states staring lovingly into your eyes. “Sorry Ced, but even I don’t know a lot of healing spells and by the look of it you’re gonna need them.” You giggle, standing on shaky legs as you pick up your blouse and skirts again.

“Get changed Ced, I’ll meet you outside.” You smirk, slowly making your way out of the room with a slight swing in your hips.

Taking a deep breath of the night air, you take a moment to really take in what just happened. You thought you hated that boy, but maybe that was just for show. Maybe you’d always had feelings for the boy with the yellow scarf and you had been too naive to realize it. It felt strange how the part of your brain that convinced you to fight was now telling you this was right, but you were fine with it, your whole perspective had changed of this boy from the moment he came limping to you in the stadium.

Cedric had similar thoughts as he tugged on his shirt and pants. He finally realized the feeling he got when you looked at him wasn’t annoyance, it was a crush. A fancy that he wanted so badly to deny, but embrace at the same time, and now he could.

As he finally walked out to you and wrapped you in his arms, you knew it was right and you were where you are meant to be. As you interlocked hands with the grey eyed hufflepuff, making your way towards the castle and your new life. Something was made crystal clear.

Badgers and snakes are natural born enemies, made to fight and hate each other. But you and Cedric aren’t the animals you are associated with,

you’re humans and you had the choice to decide how you would treat your opposite.

And although the two of you were clear descriptions of the houses you were assigned, your personalities molded perfectly.

As Cedric lay in the hospital bed, Madam Pomfrey healing his wounds, you stuck by his side and held his hand, knowing the snake would never define you. The badger would never define Cedric. You were your own people, and you were in love.

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clairecrive · 3 years

Note

Ooh okay this is TOTALLY self-serving but i’m doing it anyway—could you do a (fem)reader x remus where the reader is juggling all sorts of things—working at the ministry and taking classes at night or something along those lines and feels like she’s wasting what are supposed to be her golden years and so she gets upset one night and remus is incredibly good about calming her down and comforting her about it?

"Cake by the sofa"

A/n: not to make this self-serving anon but writing this felt like therapy lmao. Today I offer you some much needed Remus fluff.

Warnings: none, pure fluff

Word count: 1.3K

Tags: @ashlovesthemarauders, @jupiterandbutterflies , @hannaxmaria, @seldomabsent (if you want, you can add yourself to my taglist by filling this form)

HARRY POTTER MASTELIST

The subway was always jam-packed at this hour and you hated it. You hated it and you couldn't avoid it in any way. This was your assigned entrance to the Ministry of Magic. Any other day it would be fine, you'd put on an audiobook or some music but today... today was just too much. Not to mention that the incessant noise was making it impossible to talk to Remus.

You had left before he'd wake this morning and realizing that you haven't spent some quality time with him in ages broke your heart.

"Bunny, you there?" Did you already mention that the connection was shit underground?

"Sorry, love I'm here what were you saying?"

"I asked you when you'd be home tonight."

"Oh," you hummed trying to recall the schedule for today. Thankfully, ministry jobs were 9-5. Sure, they'd usually call you to make extra hours but you couldn't remember if you had to do so today.

Then it hit you, you had taken on a night shift at a local muggle newspaper. It was actually demanded from your superior at the Ministry as a way to make sure that muggles stayed in the dark about the Wizarding world.

"I'm going to be late again tonight, actually." You grimaced at the words. Remus had never pressured you and he himself was a very busy man. Between his job, your jobs and the Order, you rarely see each other, to the point where you were mostly roommates rather than boyfriend and girlfriend.

"Again," he mused and you could hear the weariness in his tone. Sighing, you landed on a wall. You were in the Ministry now, work could wait for another five minutes. This was more important.

"I'm sorry love. I know we haven't properly seen each other in a while."

"That's not what I'm worried about, bunny. You're working too much."

"I could say the same for you, Rem." You pointed out softly. You didn't want to come off as a hypocrite since you also were always busy.

"I'm fine, bunny. It's you that is wearing herself out."

"You don't have to worry about me, I'm fine. Huffing, you rolled your eyes at his apprehensive nature even though he couldn't see you.

"You know I do."

"I love you and I miss you." You confessed changing the subject. You were afraid the distance between you cause by your crazy schedules would eventually drive you apart. So, every time you could even if it was out of the blue, you did this. It was both for reassuring him but for yourself as well.

"The feeling is mutual, my love." Hearing him saying it back had an instant soothing effect.

"I'll see you soon, hun."

You ended the phone call after wishing him a good day and him doing the same. Sighing you put your phone away, your mood souring further as you made your way to your office where you were going to spend the entirety of your day while you only wanted to be with him.

Work was important to you and you knew that Remus shared this same attitude but at the same time, you knew that if it got down to it, you'd choose the sweet-hearted werewolf over anything else.

Making a mental note to speak to your superior about your weekly schedule, you'd settled behind your desk (not so) ready to face today's workload.

*+* *+* *+*

When you finally made it home, later that day, you were ready to bid today adieu. Sighing heavily, you closed the door behind you, the keys rattling as you locked it.

The hallway was dark but you could see that the light in the kitchen was on. You were light on your feet as you headed there since you didn't know if Remus was awake or he had just forgotten to close it.

When you entered the room though, the sight that met you made you halt. Your eyes flickering all over the room as you took it in. The light had been left on purposefully. The table was laid, carefully set with your favourite pieces, a couple of candles and a few rose petals adorning it.

Realizing that this was most definitely Remus' doing, you smiled as your eyes moved over the room to look for him. But he wasn't in the kitchen.

"Rem?" you called for him softly as you stepped into your small living room. And here he was, snoring softly on the sofa.

Kneeling, you smiled as you took in his peaceful expression. This alone, his angelic face and comforting presence alone would have been enough to soothe your frustrations.

Carefully, you pushed a piece of hair away from his eyes before your finger gently trailed over the scars on his face. He looked exhausted and your heart ached at the idea of waking him up but you knew he had tried to do something nice for you so you wanted to at least thank him for that. Also, the sofa is fucking uncomfortable.

"Baby," shaking his shoulder gently while peppering his face with small kisses you set to draw him for his slumber.

He groaned at the disturbance but you saw the moment he registered that it was you who was annoying him as he turned his head so that your lips could meet his instead of his cheek.

"Hi, bunny," he peeked at you through his lashes, eyes still unfocused with sleep as he pecked you again.

"Hi," you parroted him like a fool. He had always had this effect on you, even more so now that he looked out-of-this-world cute with his tousled curls and red lips.

He mirrored your smile, leaning in your hand that was cradling his face enjoying your touch. As sleep slowly unclouded his mind, the realisation settled on him. Eyes wide, he shot up almost knocking his forehead with yours.

"The dinner," he exclaimed, cheeks red in embarrassment as he looked at you sheepily.

"I saw. It was very sweet of you Rem but you didn't have to." Rising, you settled beside him on the sofa to reassure him.

"I wanted to do something nice for you but of course I had to ruin everything," he groaned letting his head fall on the headrest of the sofa with his face hidden behind his hands.

"Hey," leaning over him, you gently pulled his hands away, " you didn't ruin anything. I love it and I love you for doing this." You kissed his palm to drive your point home.

"You're just as tired as I am, honey."

He knew you were right. He was just as exhausted but still, he was upset that he hadn't been able to do this for you. Letting out a big breath, he used the hand you were holding to pull you to him. Kissing you gently he settled his forehead on yours, intertwining your fingers.

"I had even baked a cake," he mumbled on your lips.

"Well, why don't we eat that and then go to sleep? What do you say?" you proposed pecking his lips again.

"I say that I love you."

Giggling you lightly bumped his nose with yours before rising from the sofa to retrieve the dessert.

When you came back with the plates in your hands, his slice twice bigger than yours, you handed him his before taking your place beside him again.

"So, how was your day?" He asked before digging in,

"Not as good as this cake, for sure." You let out an obscene moan to prove your point but you knew it did well for his ego judging by the look in his eyes.

He thanked you for the compliment with the most adorable shade of pink adorning his cheeks. You cooed at him before asking him the same question.

It wasn't much, just the two of you sharing this insanely good cake Remus made but it was exactly what he needed after a pretty shitty week.

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x you #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin imagines #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin blurb #remus lupin fic #post hogwarts #the marauders #marauders x reader #marauders fluff #marauders x you #marauders imagines

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bechloeislegit · 3 years

Text

Bechloe Week 2021 - Day 5

"You Don't Know Who I Am, Do You?

Beca's Assistant, Dani, rushed into the studio, causing Theo to glare at her.

"What?" Theo snarled, hating to be interrupted when he had an artist in the booth.

"Um, I need to speak with Beca," Dani said. "It's an emergency."

"Fine," Theo said, pushing the intercom button to get Beca's attention. "Dani needs to talk to you."

Beca furrowed her brow as she took off her headphones. She stepped out of the booth and walked over to Dani.

Theo watched as Dani animatedly waved her arms around while whispering something to Beca. Beca's eyes widened and she ran out of the studio.

"Beca!" Theo yelled out, jumping up as the door slammed closed behind Beca. He turned to Dani. "We weren't done. She'd better have a damned good reason for leaving."

Dani smiled at Theo as she excitedly blurted out, "Chloe's having the baby."

A smile came to Theo's face as he plopped back down in his chair. "I'd say that's a pretty damned good reason for her to leave."

~~ BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 5 ~~

Beca made it just in time to be in the delivery room when her daughter was born. She looked down in awe at the red-headed newborn laying in her wife's arms.

"She's beautiful, Chlo," Beca whispered. "Just like her mother."

Chloe looked up at Beca with tears in her eyes. Beca leaned down and kissed Chloe; she then kissed her daughter's forehead and pulled back, wiping tears from Chloe's cheeks.

"Welcome to the world Sarah Angelique Beale," Chloe whispered as she stared down at her daughter.

"I'd better go tell everyone she's here," Beca said. "I'm sure her namesakes are chomping at the bit to see her."

Beca leaned down and kissed Chloe. With a mumbled "I'll be right back," Beca left the room.

Chloe continued to stare down in awe at her new baby girl.

"Your mama went to get all your family members who have been waiting for you to get here," she whispered. "You don't know it yet, but you are already so loved."

Five minutes later, Beca popped her head in the door. "Ready for some company?"

"Bring them in," Chloe said, sitting a little straighter up in the bed.

Beca held the door as both her and Chloe's mothers and grandmothers entered the room. They all hurried over to the bed and looked down at Sarah.

"She's got the Beale's hair," Chloe's grandmother, Sarah, said.

"She's beautiful," Beca's grandmother, Angelique, said.

"Grandmas and great-grandmas," Beca said, taking Sarah from Chloe. "I'd like to introduce you all to the newest addition to the Beale family. This is Sarah Angelique Beale."

The two new great-grandmothers gasped.

"You named her after us?" Angelique asked.

"Well, yeah," Beca said. "You are two of the most important people in the world to me and Chloe."

"May I hold her?" Sarah asked.

"Of course," Beca said, handing baby Sarah over to Great-Grandmother Sarah.

~~ BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 5 ~~

Sarah was two months old, and Beca was preparing to leave on her world tour.

"I don't want to leave her," Beca told Chloe as she moved her packed suitcases over to the door. "Or you."

Chloe came up behind Beca and put her arms around Beca's waist. "We'll miss you."

Beca turned and put her arms around Chloe and kissed her.

"I'm going to miss so much in the next 6 months," Beca said. "I hope I can get home some time to see my girls."

"Your schedule is jam-packed," Chloe said. "I'd love to have you come home, but I know you've got a job to do. Besides, Brey has all the Bellas scheduled to be here to help out while you're gone."

"Of course Aubrey made a schedule," Beca said, chuckling.

"Plus, our mothers and grandmothers will be visiting," Chloe said. "So, don't worry, Sarah and I will be fine."

"But, it won't be the same as having her mama with her," Beca said, pouting. "I wish I could just cancel it all."

Tears came to Beca's eyes as she looked over to the bassinet where Sarah was sleeping.

"Babe," Chloe said, getting Beca to look at her. "This tour has been in the works since before we found out we were pregnant. You can't disappoint your fans by canceling at the last minute."

Beca sighed. "I know. But, it doesn't make me feel any better about leaving."

"We can FaceTime or Skype whenever you're scheduled allows," Chloe said. "And I'll make sure to take videos of anything new Sarah does. It will be like you were here the whole time."

"I don't want it to be like I was here," Beca mumbled. "I want to actually be here."

Chloe pulled Beca to her and kissed her. "Come on," she said. "Theo will be here any minute."

"I want to say goodbye to Sarah," Beca said, pulling away from Chloe.

Beca picked up Sarah and held her close to her chest. She kissed the top of Sarah's head and rocked her from side to side.

"I'll miss you, baby girl," Beca whispered. "Now listen closely while I give you some sage motherly advice about your Aunts. Don't believe anything your Aunt Amy tells you; she'll only get you into trouble. And I wouldn't be too upset if you puked on your Aunt Aubrey once or twice."

"Beca!" Chloe said, chuckling.

"I'm just saying," Beca said with a shrug. "Now leave me be, woman. I have about three minutes to give six months' worth of motherly advice to our daughter."

"Sorry," Chloe said, smiling and raising her hands in defeat. "Please continue."

"Okay, where was I?" Beca said. "Oh, you'll find that your Aunt Emily is more of a kid than you are. She's also tall, but don't let her scare you; she could be your best friend if you let her. Your Aunt CR is the coolest person I know. Mommy and I are cool, too, but your Aunt CR takes being cool to a whole new level. Your Aunt Stacie is a saint in devil's clothing. She has to be; she's married to your Aunt Aubrey."

"Brey," Chloe said.

"What?"

"She'll want to be called Aunt Brey."

Sarah started moving her arms like she was stretching, and Beca looked down at her. "Did you hear that, Sarah? Your Aunt Aubrey wants to be called Aunt Brey."

Just then, the doorbell rang throughout the house. Beca looked at Chloe.

"That's probably Theo," Chloe said, walking over to Beca. "I'll take Sarah, and we'll walk you out."

Beca kissed Sarah's forehead and handed her off to Chloe. Beca then grabbed her bags and followed Chloe downstairs.

There were more kisses and a few more tears as Beca said goodbye to Chloe and Sarah.

~~ BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 5 ~~

Chloe was feeling ecstatic because Beca was coming home in two days. Along with the excitement, she was also feeling sad because Beca had missed so many of Sarah's milestones during the six months she's been on tour. Chloe sent videos, but whenever they wanted to Skype or FaceTime, they couldn't make it work with Beca's schedule and the time differences.

Beca was smiling as she stared out at the scenery as the car drove her home from the airport. She was getting home earlier than she had told Chloe so she could surprise her girls.

Beca's smile grew bigger as she thought of Sarah. God, she missed her. She also missed sex. It's been long enough since Chloe gave birth so they can have welcome home sex, and Beca was looking forward to that.

"I wonder if Aubrey and Stacie would take Sarah for the night so Chloe and I can have some alone time," Beca thought.

Beca shook her head. "No. I want to spend as much time with Sarah as I can."

The driver pulled into the driveway of Beca's home. She thanked him and grabbed her luggage. She opened the door and set her suitcases down as she called out for Chloe.

"Chloe? Babe, I'm home," Beca called out.

"Beca!" Stacie cried out as she came out of the kitchen, carrying Sarah. "You're home early. Chloe said she wasn't expecting you until tomorrow."

"Got an earlier flight," Beca said, walking over to Stacie and reaching for Sarah. "There's my baby girl."

Sarah pulled away from Beca and clung to Stacie, shaking her head.

"Come on, Sarah," Stacie said. "Go to your mama. She missed you."

Beca reached for Sarah again, and Stacie leaned toward Beca; Sarah pulled away and shook her head again. Her eyes teared up, and her lower lip started to tremble.

Beca felt tears sting her eyes. "Oh, my God. You don't know who I am, do you?"

Sarah began to cry; her wails were like a knife to Beca's heart

"Where is Chloe?" Beca asked as a lone tear rolled down her cheek.

"Brey took her for a spa day," Stacie said, trying to comfort Sarah. "They should be back soon."

"Okay," Beca said. "I'm going to go upstairs and start unpacking. Can you keep an eye on Sarah for me?"

"Sure," Stacie said.

Stacie watched as Beca's shoulders dropped, and she slowly shuffled to the stairs. She gave Beca a small smile when Beca looked back at Sarah with a sad look in her eyes.

~~ BeChloe Week 2021 - Day 5 ~~

About thirty minutes later, Chloe and Aubrey came through the door. Chloe immediately went to pick up Sarah. Sarah leaned in for Chloe to take her, giggling and wiggling in Chloe's arms.

"Beca's home," Stacie said.

"She is?" Chloe asked with a huge smile on her face. "Where is she?"

"She, um, went upstairs to unpack," Stacie said.

"What's wrong?" Aubrey asked, sensing Stacie had something else to say.

"She's upset," Stacie said, taking a deep breath and telling Chloe what happened between Beca and Sarah.

Chloe frowned and handed Sarah to Aubrey.

"Watch her for me?" Chloe said. "I'm going to go talk to Beca."

"Take your time," Stacie said, moving to stand next to Aubrey. "We got Sarah. You go take care of Beca."

Chloe nodded and rushed upstairs. She slowly entered their bedroom only to find that Beca wasn't there. She frowned and looked across the hall to Sarah's room; the door was slightly open. She sighed and walked over, pushing the door open as she did.

Chloe's heart broke seeing Beca sitting in the rocking chair hugging Sarah's favorite stuffed elephant close to her chest.

"My daughter doesn't know me," Beca said, looking over at Chloe with tears rolling down her face.

"Oh, baby," Chloe said, rushing over to pull Beca up and into her arms.

Beca let out a small sob, and Chloe felt tears stinging her own eyes.

"I love you," Chloe whispered. "And so does Sarah."

Beca scoffed as she pulled away from Chloe. Beca hugged the elephant to her chest and sat back down in the rocking chair.

"I've missed so much because of the stupid tour," Beca mumbled. "I counted down the days until I could come home and see and cuddle Sarah. And she doesn't even know who I am."

Beca let out another sob and started to gently rock back and forth.

Chloe knelt by the chair and put her hands on Beca's arm.

"You just have to give her a little time," Chloe said. "She's a little shy with people she doesn't know. You just have to let her get to know you again."

Chloe raised herself up onto her knees and kissed Beca's temple. She then rested her forehead on the top of Beca's head while wrapping her arms around Beca.

Chloe comforted Beca and Beca let herself be comforted. They were so engrossed in each other they didn't hear when Stacie and Aubrey entered the room.

"Mama."

Beca and Chloe's heads shot up; they looked over to the door to see Aubrey holding Sarah.

"Mama."

Beca let out a sob as she jumped up, nearly knocking Chloe over.

"Mama."

"Hey, baby girl," Beca said. "Mama's right here."

Sarah reached out her arms toward Beca, and Beca took her and pulled her to her. Sarah laid her head on Beca's shoulder.

"Mama."

Chloe wiped the tears from her eyes and put her arms around her wife and daughter.

"I love you, baby girl," Beca whispered, kissing the top of Sarah's head.

"We're sorry for intruding," Stacie said softly. "But when Sarah said mama and started looking around as if she was looking for Beca, we didn't think you'd mind."

"Thank you," Beca whispered as the tears ran down her cheeks.

"We'll call you later," Aubrey said as she and Stacie quietly left the little family.

Beca and Chloe stood in the middle of Sarah's room. Beca laid her cheek against the top of Sarah's head; Chloe laid her forehead against Beca's temple.

"I love you both so much," Beca said quietly.

"We love you so much, too," Chloe said.

"Mama," Sarah said, snuggling closer into Beca.

#beca mitchell #chloe beale #bechloe week 2021 #bechloe fic #bechloe #bechloeislegit

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forever-rogue · 3 years

Note

Hi! For the prompts could I please request Maxwell Lord + "it's you. it's always been you" from fluff & romance in the second prompt list? 🥰

Just some Maxwell softness. Enjoy!

Maxwell Lord x Fem!Reader ; warnings: none

Pedro Character Masterlist

»»————-　♡　————-««

“What’s wrong, love?” you gently put your hand on the side of Maxwell’s face, drawing his attention back to you and away from whatever seemed to be troubling him. He offered you a small smile before shaking his head, causing a dark lock of hair to fall into his eyes, “what’s on your mind?”

“Nothing,” he whispered softly as you reached over and brushed the stray lock out of his eyes, “just tired.”

“You’ve had a busy week,” you agreed quietly, “and your class schedule is jam packed right now. You should rest and make sure you’re taking care of yourself too.”

“It’s the last semester,” he reminded you as you nodded; the fact that your college days were soon coming to an end was enough to terrify you and excite you all at once. But soon you would be free from the confines of the institution and onto a whole new adventure, “I wanted to make the most of it.”

“But don’t let it push you over the edge either,” you grabbed his plate and kissed the top of his head, “you’re no good if you’re running yourself ragged and worn down. I love you, Maxwell.”

“I love you too, Hermosa,” he was already reaching for one of his books to carry on studying as you set everything in the sink, “soon we’ll be out of here and into the real world and I will have everything, and I will be able to give you everything you deserve.”

“You will build an empire Maxwell Lorenzano,” you grinned at him as you flounced over back to him, putting your hand under his chin to turn your face up to meet yours, “but I already have everything I want - you. That’s all that matters to me.”

“But you deserve so much more,” he whispered as you leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to his soft lips, “I will give you everything.”

“As long as you’re there,” you whispered softly “I have everything.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

You woke up with a sharp inhale as you stared at your ceiling, your heart beating wildly inside your chest. It was that same damned dream again - so sweet and happy, but just as horrid in reality. It served as a reminder that things had turned out very differently from the life you had once envisioned.

It was all supposed to be so easy, so effortless - just you and Maxwell and whatever the world threw at the two of you. But oh - how wrong you had been. How very, very wrong.

After graduation, it was like Maxwell had turned into a completely different person. Gone was the sweet, gentle, caring man you loved so deeply and wholly, and he was replaced with a man who barely knew - a workaholic only concerned with success, success, success. Money and making a name for himself came before everything else, and you were left to the wayside.

It was never supposed to be that way. But life rarely worked as you’d envisioned, and while the reality was harsh and biting, it was something you came to terms with.

You were gone one day, almost as if you were a phantom, making it appear as though you’d never existed. Every piece of you was gone from the apartment you shared, as were you. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to handle the situation, but at the same time, you’d tried to talk to Max about everything so many times, and he’d either ignored you, downplayed your concerns, or was so unpresent in the conversation that it was like talking to drywall.

When you couldn’t handle it anymore you’d just left. Packed up your bags and left everything behind without so much as a single word - no note, no explanation, nothing. Rash? Yes. Wrong? Maybe. Needed? Yes.

You’d never wanted things to end like this - to end up so distant and separated from the man you had once loved so desperately. And fuck - you’d still loved him, you knew you always would. But somewhere along the line things had changed and your Maxwell was no longer yours.

But it didn’t matter - he never once looked for you or tried to come and find you, to ask why, why, why. He never came for you and you never looked back.

Just like that, everything changed. Most importantly, or perhaps worst of all, it was like neither of you had existed to the other. It hurt, but over time it got easier and easier and almost like he never existed.

But of course he had. Of course you'd loved him. Of course you still did. You always would, even if he didn't know it.

»»————-　♡　————-««

“Alistair?" you asked as he sat at the table, coloring away with a little frown etched onto his, "what's wrong, sweetheart?"

"Daddy was supposed to be here half an hour ago," he was dismissive as he started down at his paper, "he said he'd pick me up since he has time with his new job."

"He's probably just running late bub," you promised him, ruffling his dark hair, "it happens! Do you want to play a game or go outside? Its just the two of us left and we can do whatever we want!"

"Can we play on the jungle gym?" his eyes lit up as you nodded, watching in amusement as he packed up his bag. You'd always liked him, feeling more drawn to him than a lot of the other kids in your after school daycare. You'd never met his father; it had always been a nanny up until now, sent when he was with his mother or father. Looks like things were changing...maybe he wouldn't need daycare much longer. The thought made you sad for a moment...you really like the young boy and enjoyed his company. But that could all be figured out later; or now you were just going to enjoy his company.

"Come on," he called for you, holding out his hand for you. Nodding, you eagerly went over to him, taking his smaller hand in yours and letting him lead you outside. It was beautiful outside, and you took a large breath to take in some of the fresh air.

Alistair eagerly hopped on one of the swings, and it felt so natural for you to go and help him swing. He was such a fun, energetic child and his enthusiasm was infectious.

Even though he was a young boy still, he was wise beyond his years and spoke of anything and everything that crossed his mind. There wasn't a single dull moment behind the two of you, and before you knew it, the sun had started to go down and was painting the sky in brilliant crimsons and oranges.

"Alistair!" a warm voice called out to the boy and his face instantly pulled into a large grin. You slowed the swinging and let him jump off as he ran at the approaching figure. Remaining behind, you let the two of them have their moment. He held his son tightly, pressing kisses to the side of his you heard him say, "hi baby - I'm so sorry I'm late!"

"Its okay, Daddy," he said as the man set down again, but not before taking his father's hand and leading him over to you, "I was worried at first, but we've been playing and having fun!"

"Good, I'm glad," he beamed at this son. As the man came closer, you couldn't help but think that he sounded familiar. But then, as he stopped in front of you with Alistair at his side, your jaw dropped as you were sure your heart stopped. At the same time, the man mirrored your actions before his dark eyes widened, "Hermosa?"

"Maxwell?" this couldn't be happening. No, no, no - out of all the people in the world...surely Maxwell couldn’t really be standing in front of you. Except...this Maxwell was not quite the man you once knew. Gone were the well loved and worn clothes, replaced by much finer garments. Out where the dark locks you use to love to run your fingers through; instead they were golden strands. Missing was the silly little imperfect smile you adored, replaced by only the best money could buy.

But underneath the shiny exterior, you knew those eyes, along with that singular dimple that appeared when he smiled. He shook his head in amusement, amazed by this stroke of fortune as he held his hand out to you, "hi - wow that feels so wrong to say. Not quite good enough for the moment...but hi."

"Hi," you breathed back as you took his hand and shook it. The simple contact was enough to send shivers up and down your spine; even after all these years, his touch was ever the same, "I..umm...I had no idea you were his father. His last name…"

"Its the same as mine," he said as you gave him a surprised look but didn't question him. Somewhere along the line, Maxwell Lorenzano became Maxwell Lord. You wondered what else had changed...judging by looks alone, apparently many things were different now.

"Ahh," you said softly, the realization that he must have changed his name at some point hitting you. It was a momentary sadness as you realize what it meant; but it was no matter. What mattered was he here in the flesh and had been back in your life and you hadn't even known it, "I...umm...I guess I should let you both go. Don't want to get home too late."

"Of course," he said with a soft smile as he picked up his son again, "thanks for keeping him later - it won't happen again. New job and it ran late."

"Not a problem," you reassured him, "Alistair is a wonderful kid and we had a lot of fun. I guess I'll see you around, Maxwell. And you too, kiddo. See you tomorrow!"

"Good night," they chimed in unison as they started to walk away, stopping for a moment to grab his things before heading off.

You were positive you heard the big sleepily mumble onto his father's shoulder, "do know her?"

You had to turn around and hide your own grin, not wanting to get caught up in your excitement. It meant nothing, you kept trying to tell yourself, none of it meant anything. Sheer, simple continence was all it was. But still...you had a lot of questions - when did he get married and have a son? What happened to his appearance? Who was he now?

Either way, it was all said and done and you were relative strangers. Your paths had diverged many years ago and yet...somehow life has brought you back tomorrow. Maybe it meant something after all…

»»————-　♡　————-««

The next couple of weeks were spent with many visits from Maxwell, none of which you minded of course. He was often on time to pick Alistair up, but would linger and talk to you. In some ways it was like no time at all had passed, and the conversation was easy and flowing, and despite the golden outer layer, you still saw the boy you'd fallen in love with.

It was easy like this, getting to know him again, and in some ways you felt like no time had passed. You learned about the ups and downs of his own life, more about his marriage and divorce, about his struggle to become everything he had dreamed - all while reassuring him that he was okay, and he would always be okay. But, he was eager to remind you, the best part of his life, the shining beacon, would always be his son. And it was easy to see how much he adored the boy.

In turn, you’d told him all about your own life that you had created. That it was modest and lacked what most people would consider grandeur, but you still loved it. He listened to you, hanging onto every word as he felt like that same dopey college kid that had fallen head over heels for you. Gods, he had missed you, even when he hadn’t realized it. If only things would have been slightly different and...but it was no matter. You were here now and so was he, and really that was the only thing that mattered to the two of you.

“Hermosa?” he had been halfway through walking out the door with Alistair hanging onto his hand. You turned and raised an eyebrow at him, indicating for him to go on, “would you...do you want to go to dinner sometime?”

“Yes,” you answered softly, unable to fight the giant grin on your face, “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

“Great,” he seemed relieved as the nervous look left his face, quickly replaced by one of joy, “it’s a date...I’ll call you later.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

“What?” you asked as you found Maxwell watching you closely, a smile pulling up the corners of his mouth as he reached over and put his hand on your face. You leaned into his touch as your eyes fluttered closed, “Maxwell…”

“Hermosa,” his voice was gentle and still thick with sleep as he leaned over and nuzzled his nose against yours, “go back to sleep. It’s still early.”

“That’s what I was doing,” you couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped your lips. His arms were wrapped around you, holding you close to his chest as your tangled your legs with his, “but I’ve got someone staring at me and it’s kind of hard to stay asleep under such a watchful gaze.”

“Can one not admire such great beauty?” he asked quietly before pressing a kiss to your forehead and closing his own eyes once again, “everything I love is right here in my arms...and down the hall. Forgive me for being happy.”

“I’m happy too, Maxwell,” you promised, feeling like your heart might burst with joy, “I love you. I have always loved you, and I will always love you.”

“I love you,” he agreed, “it’s always been you. Even if it took some time to realize that. Now, rest and get some sleep. You were up last night…”

“I wonder why!” you laughed as he pulled you close and kissed you deeply, “no complaints though - never.”

“Good,” he grinned against your lips, “now sleep, Hermosa. The world can wait.”

»»————-　♡　————-««

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