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sturniozo · 5 months

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Tutor part Six

NOT PROOFREAD

masterlist

The rest of the weekend went as usual. In the sense that I mostly spent my time with Nick. Chris almost ignored me the rest of the time I spent at their house. He said no more than bye to me when I left Sunday night.

It was no surprise to me that Monday at school when Chris ignored me then too. But that didn’t change the fact that my stomach dropped when I saw him standing at his locker, tucking the hair behind another girls ear.

I stood in the hallway paralyzed, just watching the scene in front of me. She’s laughing at something he said. I can feel the tears in my eyes form and my legs begin to feel like jello.

I step back. I don’t even know what I’m doing as I quickly walk away. I run to the bathroom and wipe my tears off my face. I rinse my face off and take deep breaths. I shouldn’t even be crying. Chris isn’t mine.

I compose myself fully then walk out of the bathroom. I take a different route to class, so I’m not met with that view again. As I turn the corner to my class I crash into someone.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” I say quickly and look up to see who I crashed into. It’s a taller guy, one that looks familiar. I just can’t place where.

“Oh you’re fine.” He smiles at me. “I’m Ty, I’m on the hockey team with your boyfriend.”

“Boyfriend?” I shake my head. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Oh. I thought I saw you wearing Chris’s hoodie at the game last Friday.”

“Oh, you probably did… but Chris is just a friend.”

“Well that’s good then. I wouldn’t dream of asking Chris’s girl out, but since you’re not Chris’s girl…” He smirks at me.

“Ask-asking me out?”

“Yeah. What do you say?”

“Well I… I’d have to think about it. I’m usually pretty busy…”

“Okay well, when you decide, I have hockey practice Mondays and Wednesdays. Find me there.”

“Okay…” I say shyly and Ty walks away. I turn back around to walk to my class and see Chris just staring at me. He notices I see him and he walks away.

I open my front door for Chris. It’s our study session today, and although I’m still distraught over what happened yesterday, I have to act like I’m okay just for today.

Chris doesn’t even say hello as we walks in. He rushes up the stairs and into my room, laying on my bed instead of sitting at the desk.

I sit down at the desk, trying not to let anything Chris does bother me. I take out my notes and look them over.

“What did Ty say to you?” Chris finally speaks.

“What?” I ask. I turn to face him and he’s laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling while holding one of my stuffed animals.

“What did Ty say to you yesterday?” He says again.

“Nothing he just. He asked me out is all.” My voice gets quiet and I turn back around to the desk. I fiddle with the notes.

“You shouldn’t go out with him.” Chris says blatantly.

“Why’s that?”

“He’s just going to use you.”

“Oh.” I nod and swallow the saliva building up in my mouth. I fiddle with the notes once again. “What class did you want to start with today?” I try to change the subject.

“Do you like him?” Chris asks, ignoring my attempts.

“Who?”

“Ty. Do you like Ty.”

“I dunno. I never met him before yesterday.”

“You shouldn’t go out with him. He’s a prick and he just wants to use you.”

“So you’ve said before.”

“I’m serious y/n. Don’t go out with him.” Chris sits up.

“I never said I was going to. I only said he asked.”

“So you didn’t say yes? You said no?”

“Well… I told him I’d think about it.”

“Okay, I’ll tell him at hockey practice you made up your mind and it’s a no then.” Chris’s voice stopped being so monotone and had gone back to his usual peppy happy boy voice.

“I can tell him myself.” I say.

“If you do it he’d try to manipulate you into getting with him. It’s better I do it.”

“Why does it matter to you so much?” I ask.

Chris shrugs “I just don’t want you with him.”

“Why not? Why does it matter to you?”

“It just does.” He pauses before continuing “You’re Nick’s best friend, he probably doesn’t want you coming to him crying when that guy breaks your heart. I know he would too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m just thinking about Nick here.”

“You’d think I’d annoy Nick by going to him if I got hurt? He’s my best friend, I’ve done to him for every problem I’ve had for the last five years!”

“God, I just don’t want you with him okay! Me!” Chris yells.

“Why does it matter to you?”

“Because…”

“Because why Chris?”

Chris stays silent. He puts on a brooding face and clenches his jaw.

“If you can’t tell me then just let it go.”

“Fine.” Chris huffs and leans back against my wall.

“Are we gonna study?” I ask after a long silence.

“Yeah.” Chris mumbles. He stands up and walks over to his seat next to mine. We couldn’t even get through a full minute before Chris says “Do you want to go out with him?”

“Chris, I said drop it.”

“But do you?”

“I don’t know!” I snap. Chris stays silent and I take a breath. “I’ve never met him before then. But you know him, and you say he’s no good and I believe you.” I say calmly.

“So you won’t go out with him?”

“I guess not.”

“Good. Do you want me to tell him?”

I shrug. “You see him more than me I guess.” I say, finally giving in to everything Chris wants.

Chris just smiles and then picks up his notes. “So, algebra? I’ve got like an 11% in that class right now.”

I look at him shocked. Partly because he’s actually studying today, and partly because how can he be pulling an 12%? “Chris- how?”

Chris just shrugs. “I’ve never had someone to study with to make it worth my time. Not before you.”

This makes me blush a little and I turn away from him to hide it. Then I remember yesterday and that Chris shouldn’t make me feel this way. He’s just as bad as the guy he was warning me about.

Tag list : @freshloveforthefit @sturniolo14 @sturniolosreads @bethsturn @rac00ns-are-c00l4 @dwalk41202

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rubendiasthoughts · 8 months

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Hey besties! Hope you like this little headcanon 🤭 Thank you to the person who requested this ❣️

Sending so much love to all of you ❤

Ruben Dias being obsessed with reader's boobs - headcanon:

- Okay, so I feel like he would be very obvious about the fact that he loves your boobs. Like can you imagine maybe when he comes home from training and he says hi to you he would first wrap you up in his arms and kiss your lips, but then he's leaning down and pressing kisses to the top of your breasts before asking you "how's my girl today?"

-I could totally see the two of you having a dinner and maybe he sits on the opposite side of the table and you are telling him about something that happened to you that day, but you realise he isn't even paying attention to you and he's just blatantly staring at your chest. And you're like "Ruben, my face is up here" and he looks up at you, a smirk appears on his face and he goes "sorry, they just look so pretty, couldn't help myself" 🤭

-He would definitely be the type to take naps on your boobs. Especially if he had a bad day or something. I just see him coming back home and finding you laying on your bed, just looking through your phone and you can see something is wrong so you ask him what happened. And he would probably tell you he just had a hard day and you're like "what can I do for you baby?" and he goes "nothing, just stay like that" as he lays his head on one of your breasts, and then cups the other with his hand and he just closes his eyes, looking so content and comfy. And then he just sleeps, maybe you're gently scratching his scalp with your nails and he's just letting out these little hums.

- I feel like whenever you wear a low cut top he wouldn't be able to help himself but stare and he would tell you how pretty you look in that particular top and how it's his favourite and you should wear it more often. Or maybe if you are just doing something around the house and not wearing a bra, just a shirt I feel like he would go crazy (and especially if it's one of his shirts). Can you imagine him coming up to you from behind, wrapping one of his arms around you, while the other hand goes under the material of the shirt you're wearing and he squeezes your boob in his palm??!

- He would definitely cup one of your breasts in his palm sometimes when he's spooning you, and maybe even give it a little squeeze.

- He would 100% be sucking on them, biting them and kissing them whenever you are riding him. They are just right there in front of him, so he definitely wouldn't be able to resist. Maybe sometimes he would leave hickeys on them too. But also he would love to just stare at your tits when you're on top, watching them bounce.

-But also he would also suck and kiss on them before he fucks you as a part of foreplay. Can you imagine him hovering over you and he starts planting kisses from your neck and takes them down to the valley between your breasts and then takes one of your nipples in his mouth, swirling his tounge around it and then he gives the same attention to your other boob. And when he pulls away he would look up at you, thinking to himself how pretty you look, your head thrown back with a flushed face.

-Can you imagine if you were giving him head and he's like "take your top off for me, sweet girl" because he just wants to be able to see your tits. And he would so praise you, when you do take it off, saying things like "that's a good girl, you look so pretty".

-He would for sure love to cum on them and he would smear it around using his fingers and then he would bring them up to your mouth telling you to clean up your mess and suck his fingers clean. He would definitely love it if you let him take a picture of your breasts covered in his cum 🤭

-And he would so want to fuck your tits. Maybe you would be sitting on your knees on the edge of the bed as he stands in front of it. And he would say something like "push them together for me angel, just like that" and then he would slide his cock between them. And you would be looking up at him, his head thrown back, grunts leaving his mouth. And the things he would say to you!! Maybe something like "you are so good to me baby, so good" or he would just call you his good girl 🤭

#ruben dias #footballer imagine #footballer x reader #footballer x you #ruben dias blurb #ruben dias imagine #footballer blurb #ruben dias fluff #ruben dias smut #footballer smut #footballer fluff #footballer headcanon #footballer headcanons #footballer x y/n #ruben dias x you #ruben dias x y/n #ruben dias x reader #ruben dias headcanons #ruben dias headcanon

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bratzforchris · 3 months

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hi! just saw your requests are now open! soo maybe luke x reader and y/n is questioning their identity (afab) and maybe them deciding they are genderfluid?? and being really nervous, suddenly changing their outfits and style to be more androgynous and luke confronting them about the sudden change, so a little angst (maybe getting some hate online for coming out but luke not finding out until later) and y/n finally comes out and admits their identity fearing that luke won’t except them but him obviously being completely fine with it and just ending in really sweet fluffy cuddles? congrats on 300 followers btw! I love your work, have a great day/night! 🫶🏼🩷

You Don't Have to Hide

❃

Summary: Above!

Warnings: Minor cursing, hints at transphobia, minor argument between Luke and reader

Word Count: 1.2k

A/N: Thank you for the sweet request! Please note that I myself am not genderfluid, but I tried to be as respectful and accurate as I possibly can! Enjoy<3

❃

Ever since you were tiny, you had known that you were different from other kids. You had been born and raised as a girl, and some days you were fine with that. But there were others where you longed to be raised like your brothers, playing football and getting dirty. And then there were the really weird days. The days where you felt like neither a boy nor a girl. Being a young child, you didn’t know how to describe the feeling. And so, you pushed it away.

Throughout middle school and high school, you claimed to just be “changing aesthetics” when you would have an off day, week, or month. Sometimes, you would wear a full face of makeup and tiny skirts, and other days you would opt for a plain hoodie and jeans. Luckily, your school had been very accepting and no one really thought anything of it.

You yourself hadn’t really thought any more of it until you started dating Luke. Even then, it wasn’t because of him. Being in a relationship with a very famous rockstar meant that you were constantly in the public eye. And lately, that had been what was practically the bane of your existence. You had decided that you wanted to try more of an androgynous style, that way you could explore your feminine, masculine, and in-between parts without it being so blatantly obvious you were assigned female at birth.

The first thing you had done was cut your hair. You’d had long, blond hair your entire life, which was very pretty, but very, very feminine. You had opted to cut your hair into a bob and Luke had loved the change, telling you that the bangs and layers had made you look very pretty. Having one of your more masc days, you internally cringed at the compliment, but tried not to let your boyfriend notice. You knew you needed to talk to him, but there never seemed to be a good time.

You knew you needed to talk to him, but Luke knew you so well, that part of you hoped he would just catch on and ask you about it. Maybe the easiest way to do that was to really look the part. You had worn Luke’s hoodies and shirts ever since you’d started dating, but you decided to really start taking things to the next level. You began to wear more baggy pants, paired with Luke’s shirts, or skinny jeans and the occasional hoodies and flannels you would steal from him.

For the next month, you were so happy with your change in style. You felt more like yourself, and could take this style and make it more feminine, masculine, or androgynous depending on how you felt that day. You didn’t really feel like anything had changed in your and your boyfriend’s relationship, but then again, Luke had been quite busy preparing for the Sounds Live, Feels Live tour. Unfortunately, 5 Seconds of Summer being on tour meant more paparazzi and more fans being online.

Lucky for you, Luke wasn’t the biggest fan of social media. He would occasionally reply to fans on Twitter and post on Instagram, but for the most part, he stayed off social media. He didn’t even have a burner account like most celebrities had. This meant he wouldn’t see the “news”. Some paparazzi photos of you on a more masculine day had surfaced, and some of the fans were having a field day with comments.

Why the hell does she wanna look like a dude? Luke wants a GIRLfriend LMFAO

Since when is Luke gay lol

This is so unflattering for such a pretty girl what the fuck

You read through each and every hateful comment, criticizing your looks and saying how you weren’t meant to be with Luke. You hadn’t even officially come out as genderfluid online. You had just posted a meme on your story about it, hoping Luke would see it and not thinking such a harmless thing would be such a big topic for fans. You should;ve known that this would be the pitfall of dating the Luke Hemmings. You weren’t crying, no, you were just sitting on the bed in your master suite, frozen in place.

“Y/N, we need to talk.” Luke was thumping up the stairs, his voice hard and blunt.

Luke hardly ever used the voice, and he especially didn’t use it with you. That knowledge just made your heart seize as you quickly closed out of social media, locking your phone and tossing it to the end of the bed just as Luke opened the door.

“We need to talk.” he said again, pulling off his boots and flannel, voice grim.

“About what?” You asked as innocently as possible.

You hated lying to Luke, but right now, you just couldn’t handle any more conflict or criticism in your life.

“About what’s going on. My manager was pissed today,” the blond ran a hand through his flat hair, gnawing on his lip ring. “You had to have seen it, babe.”

Luke calling you babe eased your anxiety a bit, but your heart still thumped rapidly. “I have.”

“Why the fuck wouldn’t you tell me?” Luke’s eyes watered. “I’ve been calling you by the wrong pronouns and calling you all feminine terms and buying you lingerie and I had to find out that you’re genderfluid from the press? Why didn’t you tell me, Y/N?”

In that moment your heart shattered. Luke wasn’t mad at you. He was hurting for you, most likely beating himself up over not noticing and calling you his girlfriend. You crossed the room in quick strides, wrapping your boy up in a hug as you began to cry yourself.

“I’m sorry, Luke. I’m so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have hidden it from you. I know it’s not an excuse, but I was scared you would get mad. I was scared you would think less of me or leave me.”

You two held each other for a few soft moments, until Luke picked you up and carried you to the bed, still cradling you. “Would you mind explaining, well, everything to me?” he asked softly once you both had stopped crying.

You took a breath to steady yourself before speaking, looking into Luke’s watery blue eyes. “Yes, it’s true. I am genderfluid. Sometimes I feel more feminine, sometimes more masculine, or sometimes in between. I’ve been experimenting with new hair and new clothes lately so I can have an androgynous style. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Hey, hey, none of that,” Luke hummed, wiping a stray tear from your cheek with the pad of his thumb. “So, should I call you my partner now or….?”

You nodded. “Please. I’d like that.” a soft smile graced your face.

“What about pronouns and names?” he asked.

You bit your lip, blushing. “Right now, I like they/she pronouns,” You whispered softly. “And I’m keeping Y/N for now.” You kissed his cheek.

“I love you,” Luke whispered, kissing your lips softly. “Please don’t hide things from me next time. I love you and want to help you because I love you.”

You smiled as you snuggled into Luke’s arms. And if you two snuggled and kissed for the rest of the night, no one else had to know.

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eijiroukiriot · 6 months

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why do you see bkg as trans?

i've had this ask sitting in my drafts since like august BECAUSE i knew if i did the question justice it was gonna get VERY long and pretty personal - if i'm gonna talk about it then i gotta talk about it in all earnest. and you've given me the floor to talk about it. so!!

at first i had these typed out as two separate points but i think they go a lot more hand-in-hand than that, so to start - when i think about my own gender and why i can't bring myself to identify fully with womanhood a lot of it is because there's something that feels so free about masculinity. mostly just like because of womanhood on a societal level a lot of my experience as a girl forever has been "you need to think about how your existence makes other people feel. you really need to present yourself in a way that's pleasant for other people. the way you look, the way you talk, the way you conduct yourself - people are entitled to having a say in all that. and if any of that isn't living up to the way it's supposed to be, then that's a fault of yours." here's a vent post i made when i was 17:

which is mostly really superficial examples of the suffocating expectation of girlhood but it's also so blatantly about bkg. in the moment my thought process was more like "i'm so deeply unsatisfied with so many parts of being a girl, it sounds like there'd be so many less people to answer to if i were a boy" but it's funny reading back on it bc it's like "dude are you just talking about bkg". but then who's a better example of choosing to stomp through life exactly as loud and rude as he wants to be without answering to anyone than bakugou katsuki!! honest about his thoughts in any case!! free to speak as bluntly and rudely as he wants!! never putting up with shit that makes him feel unlike himself!! walks with big wide steps and wears stupid baggy clothes and doesn't care what people have to say about it and doesn't feel worse if they do disagree. grins crazy blasting himself through the air. fights with big windup swings and shouts all the while. huge huge presence and so unafraid to assert it. named himself great・explosion・murder・god dynamight. i think i project a big sense of defiance onto bkg's character because everything he is just feels so defiant to me. there's just a lot that i admire about boyhood and bkg feels like the embodiment of it to me

and then you've got bkg himself, who like- isn't even fulfilling the "doesn't feel worse about himself if he is genuinely not the greatest or kindest" part of it!! bkg's character is so centered around figuring out who he is and like navigating through the mortifying ordeal of existing and not actually liking the person you are and trying to figure out where to go from there- he really thinks he has so much to prove...both in the sense that he DOES want to project this big image and also that he really can't cut himself a break. and then he freaks out when he's not becoming the person he wants to be and picks a fight with deku over it and totally breaks down and picks himself back up and forces himself to seriously rewire the entire view of himself and others that he's had his entire life - he's 16 - and goes to all this teeth-clenching effort to be a better person and has highs and lows and wears himself raw and then comes back to life. well the quality of the later part of his arc is very debatable. but his character is so about just figuring out who he is and kind of failing at it a lot of the time. and then eventually figuring it out and getting confident and stable in it. he makes friends who rib on him because they know he's got a good heart under it all, and moreover he lets them. he gets good at shouting something back and carrying on. you see the amount of conscious thinking it takes him to take some of those steps - rethinking his relationship with deku, the god am i really fucking doing this scoff before he gives kirishima back the money - but a lot of it is just steady growth. growing up. genuinely getting more comfortable and more okay with himself over time. but there's also all these little failures along the way because he's just a kid figuring it out, and also genuinely this anger towards the world for not understanding it when he does assert himself (sports festival....where deku also specifically notes that he knows he's not as confident as he wants to be!)

i haven't really closely reread bnha in a sec so a lot of this is probably a lot of projecting (i know it's undeniably influenced by the picture of bkg i have in my head) and i probably also didn't really clarify anything, because in the end everything bakugou is feels very trans to me. "the image you have of bkg katsuki in your head can actually be so personal" etc. digging into my archives i found this post from years back where i described basically the same stuff about bkg being a teen figuring himself out and saying "so yeah he's trans" without being able to hit it more on the head. kirishima is my favorite most special boy of all time, and i love him in so many ways, but bkg is my cringefail stinky teen boy in w the unshatterable determination to actually go MAKE himself the person he wants to be, no matter how many missteps he makes on the way there. it brings me a lot of comfort to imagine him being a self-made man as a part of the because gender is so confusing and questioning can be so intense. i'm 23 and i'm typing all this about an anime boy so i hope it's evident what a soul-bearingly honest answer this is bc otherwise oh haha embarrassing. but yeah i love that kid. i hope every little victory and day where his voice sounds good to him and glance of his top scars in the mirror feels like one of the high points on the journey

#bc i'm teaching in japan now right? trying every day to be a version of myself that i enjoy and that can bring good to the world etc #and i never...almost NEVER talk about my hero academia. with anyone #like a year ago in a jet dnd group i was telling a friend abt how i don't talk about bnha in class #and i said something about how like putting kirishima in a slideshow of mine would be like 'bearing a deep dark part of my soul'#and she was like. what? how? it's my hero academia #i agree. i also think i should be more like 'my hero academia is a show i like. i like bkg bc he's cool'#it really is just very important to me after all this time #anyway this is a lottttt a lot of personal rambling for a blog that i don't take as good care of as i should #but i couldn't give half an answer #ty for giving me a chance to talk about this and if you are seeing this i hope you're having a nice fall!!!#to anyone reading this i hope you're having a nice fall #asks

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hungreebabee · 10 months

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today was the first day in a very long time that i went to bed at a good time and woke up at an uncharacteristic 7:45am. since i was awake so early with nothing to do besides sit on my phone or wait for my boyfriend to come over, i decided to get dressed up and pretty. i put on my new sheer button-up top that i bought from an antique mall last week, paired with a pair of pants that i have been itching to wear for months, but have lacked both an excuse to wear such pants and the confidence to go accompany them. the low-waisted nature of this specific pair of pants seems to find all of the fat on my stomach and hold it up for everyone to see as if on a shelf. despite meeting this fat-shelf fate on most of the days i attempt to wear these pants, today they actually seemed to fit me quite nicely. whether it was my baggy top covering most of the damage, or me actually having lost weight (questionable), seeing myself in the pair of pants that i have been yearning to fit into since they day i saw them on the shelf at goodwill was both extremely exciting and all too motivating. although i did fit into my dream pants, i couldn’t help but think… i could fit into them better. And with my v-neck top blatantly displaying the middle of my chest, it seemed like every time i looked in the mirror i could hear my ribs and hips and spine screaming at me, begging and pleading to wriggle out of their skintight cocoon like a desperate bug.

and, in all truth, when i told my boyfriend that the dinner we were eating at 6pm was my first meal that day, it felt so fucking good. cheeky. brag-ish. i wanted to say it again, but louder.

all i want is to put on my cute little outfits the same way i did this morning, but bonier. smaller. the joy i feel when i see my ribs poke out from the space between my boobs, or when i see my collarbones jut out as if my skin was pulled and stretched over them, simply does not compare to the way food feels in my stomach. and the fat it creates only turns into a heavy layer of bulbous blubber concealing every part of me that deserves to be displayed for everyone to see.

i deserve to see it, too.

#mealsp0 #sk1nn1 #i want to be weightless #th1gh g@p #sk1nny legs #sk1nny aesthetic #ana and mia #bul1m14 #sk1nspo #ed not ed sheeran

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apples-of-eden · 2 years

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MEMBER INTRODUCTION

ABOUT THE ADMIN

Hello!!! I am Red/Suzu!!! I am 27, I draw/RP a lot. I love improving upon my skills for these so I tend to try drawing a lot of new things. I have been in the DL fandom itself since 2014. A lot of what I do with my OCs and art is try to show different parts to their history/personality. I want the people viewing them to see their full potential. Its also how I express myself and I love seeing people’s views on what I have done as well.

My OC Suzume is my main girl and has been since late 2014. She is mainly shipped with Ayato, but a few of my friends love crackshipping her with Kou and Yuma as well. She's half vampire half Vibora(Succubus subrace) and she's very cuddly. I adore her and I hope all of you will as well!!! <3

Main OC Blog: https://diabolik-lovers-i.tumblr.com/

ABOUT THE OC

1. Main Information

Name: Suzume Chishio

Age: Physical - 17, Actual - 160

Species: Pureblood Vampire/Vibora(Succubus Subrace)

Gender: Female, Genderfluid

Height: 5'6.75"

Weight: 260lbs

Blood Type: O

Sign: Sagittarius

Birthday: November 22nd

Sexuality: Demisexual

Father: Suzaku Chishio

Mother: Akira Chishio

Occupation: Art and music tutor, Demon Knight

Hobbies: Drawing and singing

Favorite Food: Grilled Shrimp

Least Favorite Food: Tofu

Favorite Drink: Cola

Least Favorite Drink: Most alcoholic beverages

2. PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Suzume is a curvy girl with short fluffy dark brown hair, blue eyes that have a greenish tint around her pupils, and pale skin with a little flush on her cheeks. She's about average height and has quite vivacious curves that she usually has hidden beneath many layers of clothes for the most part. During school hours Suzume is usually seen wearing the school uniform. However instead of socks she wears thick tights. Her short hair is usually slightly spiked in the back and she always has a book or drawing pad with her at all times. This switch up in parts of her uniform is for comfort and because she can be clumsy.

However, when she is outside of school she is seen wearing a mid-thigh length sweater dress that is black in color. She also wears thick tights and black ankle boots. This is also paired occasionally with a newsboy style black hat. This outfit does change to a short sleeve black shirt with a black jacket later on in winter.

3. PERSONALITY

Suzume is very motherly and caring, but she’s not afraid to give out tough love when needed. She doesn’t fully understand the world due to being raised as a Knight for most of her life, so she is very timid about certain things. Her most distinguished personality trait is that she is extremely mischievous and doesn’t always speak in full truths. This is mainly due to her childhood and what she has done in the past.

The mischievous side of this mostly shy vampire is what to look out for. It can be as simple as her playing a prank or even hiding behind a corner to scare someone. She never does any of this maliciously though, it is purely out of fun. When meeting and becoming friends with people, her pranks become tailored to that specific person over time for them to also enjoy. This bonus does not extend to people she doesn’t really like however, as she doesn’t view them with a loving lens.

4. BACKSTORY

Suzume is the daughter of a noble Vampire who trained the young woman to be a knight. Her mother raised her for the most part as her father pretty much abandoned her to the wolves. The relationship being rocky between the pair caused Suzume to wonder why she herself existed. Soon her father became so obsessed with a new mistress that he blatantly ignored her mother and herself because she looked so much like her father. This caused him to hate his own daughter and spiral into a depressed and paranoid state of mind.

Her father became so paranoid that he actually murdered Suzume’s mother in front of her, claiming that her mother was cheating on him and that Suzume was not his daughter. Outraged, depressed, and confused by the events that happened in front of her, Suzume screamed before attacking her own father, this resulted in his death. Still in a fit of rage, she slaughtered and drained her own servants of their blood as well. Once no one in the mansion besides herself was alive, she collapsed on the ground in tears.

Now, a blossoming student at Ryotei Academy, Suzume is very shy and looks to books and art for comfort from her past. Yet, she has a hidden talent she does not show as her training she endured while younger forged her into a knight.

#diabolik lovers oc #Diabolik oc #apples of eden #current member

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thewolfseries · 1 year

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What was the most stupid example of racism you experienced that left you too confused to realize that it was racist?

Okay. So. Real talk time. How about I take you down memory lane for me in real life? This is a very long answer ...

I was in kindergarten and all the class except myself and an Asian child (can't remember if it was a boy or girl) were white. My teacher, Ms. Chambers was teaching about different cultures and she called me up and the Asian boy (pretty sure the kid was a boy) and started pointing out all the ways we were different to the rest of the kids. Our hair, our skin, our eyes. She even made the comment about my stepfather not being my real father (which is how I found out by the way).

So I went home feeling a mix of confusion, embarrassment (who wants to be singled out?) and admittedly, curiosity and concern. Of course I was way too young to put words to those emotions and it was all one big soup. I can remember my mother being furious and going after Ms. Chambers head and nearly getting her job. My mother, to her credit, did not hide the truth from me and told me everything and explained it, including about my real father, whom I've never met and likely never will.

She explained how he was a migrant worker from Mexico, named Frank Roman Vasquez (spelling we aren't sure of) and that she and he had what I would later learn was an affair (he was engaged she wasn't and she told me in terms a kid could get, not blatantly). She told me I was half white and half Mexican and should be proud of both sides of myself, and fuck what everyone else thought. (She didn't use the word fuck but she was mad enough to at the teacher). My mother had always raised me to love everyone, no matter what, to see the good in people, not just their outside.

So I was about six when I experienced racism the first time and knew something about it was wrong and hurtful. I was confused as I was a kid and didn't understand why it mattered.

I learned that such things, as I grew older, with that experience shaping every interaction I had after that, especially when I still lived in east Tennessee and the majority of people were Christian, white low income folks (mostly good people but with undeniably cruel streak running through it all), that skin color and "breeding" as it was sometimes called, mattered to them, for what reasons only they know. I later learned that before I was born, my mother's friend tried to get her to abort me, stating that I would never have a life, I'd be a half-breed, a mutt and it would be better off to just get rid of me, get married and have a nice white baby. The friend that said that was extremely religious, very Christian (the woman thought women wearing pants and cutting their hair was slutty and that Power Rangers, Star Wars and anything else was literally the spawn of Satan).

Looking back, I always experienced racism, from friends, family, employees of stores I went to, all of it casual and just up front in your face, sometimes laced with pretty words, all because to them, if I didn't go out in the sun for too long, I was white enough to pass; they'd say horrible things about the migrant workers and the black men and women and kids that were around, the Asians and expect me to agree with them, to which I would never respond or would sometimes bite back so to speak but I never had the courage for years to tell them that I was part of the people and groups they hated. I just didn't know it at the time because I was too young and sadly, it was the norm. It was politely accepted by so many I never knew what it was until I was in my early teens. It probably accounts for a good unspoken chunk of my self-esteem issues.

As I got older I found my voice and I will never stay silent about it again out of fear. I took two years of Spanish in high school, learning from this amazing fire cracker of a little Panamanian woman who learned about my past and took a special interest in me, wanting to help me find the lost part of my history and culture that I'm still learning about. (love you, Senora Haefle).

And that's how I both learned about racism and was confused by it and later realized it was racist.

#discrimination #race and ethnicity #social justice

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xherry7816 · 1 year

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i thi k im just gonna start following anyone who appears on my feed bc idk i want stuff 2 show up yk ????

so in SONIC PRIME, SONIC'S look changes through each universe he goes through (his shoes and gloves bc hes not really known 4 clothes) but sincr KAI'S case isnt really the same he doesnt get a new fit each universe (disappointing i know) but ig he can get like a little momento from each one like i imagine he gets to keep a cool mask from the first one even thouvh i kinda imagine JAY to have a paper bag on his head lmao like those ocs

id like to mention that NYA in the first universe (or SAI) is the master of water and aware of her powers but he uses them discretely enough that KAI picks up on it but doesnt really notice its her (becauses hes not water ninja until s5) , theyre all kinda in a big resistance group with a few other elementals he'll never really get to know so he'd probably assume its someone else's powers even if its coming out of SAI'S hands which will just have 2 be some blatantly obvious dramatic irony and make KAI look like an idiot but thats ok bc he kinda is

im not really sure what to call COLE in this universe bc i was gonna go for scythe yk cuz thats his first weapon but then the scy parts sounds too similar to SAI so then i went towards hammer but the nickbame is ham which i thought was too silly so maybe something like GHOST or WAR(hammer lol) and i thought id just call LLOYD GREEN or ONI idk im not very good at naming

for the masks like i said earlier i think itd be funny if CHUCK went and walked around like a paper bag head oc so im sticking with that but i think SAI would wear something cool like a divers helmet (ocean yk yk) or a fish mask lol like MAGIKARP, i think ZANE would wear a mask similar to MR,E from season 10 i think??? to kinda give KAI some references to the future even though it doesnt matter for this au and some background resistance members would wear the oni masks to have like a sublte hint to HARUMI and the others without having actual meaning i just think itd be cool. i also did ask myself the question 'dont their ninja gi have masks' and the answer is indeed yes they do but they never became the offical ninja group and it had only been ZANE, JAY and COLE for a few months until they decided to go their own ways and i also have a pretty good excuse to give them all different masks. WAR/GHOST (theyre both horrible names i know) is pretty difficult i think, i do want to say that he is indeed a ghost in this au even though there isnt actually a reason for it this time so if the virsus comes he can posess the nearest inanimate object so theres no real need for a mask but if he were to wear one i think he'd probably have those cheap craft store ones because its accessible and it doesnt really matter bc its not necessary for him. i was originally going to have SHURIKEN just have his robot form as the disguise but then he was made to look humanlike and i feel like a game would easily know and recognize a human robot and go for it anyways so i think he'd either use his cloaking feature and change his appearance entirely (but i kinda imagine that to have a cooldown) or the mask as i said earlier

i would try and draw these but im a terrible digital artist cursed with the low quality of an android phone so maybe some time in the future when i learn :))

#ninjago #kai ninjago #cole ninjago #zane ninjago #jay ninjago #ninjago lloyd #ninjago au #lego ninjago

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kelinkysama · 2 years

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how kurapika turned me enby

(Because it’s Pride Month, I want to ramble, and I think it’s a good story)

Okay so, Kurapika didn’t actually turn me into a gender liquid, but he’s the character that made me realize I was genderfluid. I also ID as genderqueer, nonbinary, and transmasc. Well sorta, “transmasc” ebbs in and out. They all overlap a fuck ton anyway.

I started IDing this way about a year ago. In case my Tumblr blog hasn’t made this clear, Hunter x Hunter is a huge hyperfixation of mine right now, and I was in the middle of rewatching it back then. This made it fresh on my mind. I wound up having a dream one night where I was Kurapika, but the whole plot of the dream’s irrelevant here. Mostly it just made me wake up thinking a lot about the edgy femboy.

For whatever reason, I started wondering whether there were any fandom headcanons about Kurapika being trans. At the time, I thought Kurapika was 19, so it seemed weird to me that in numerous different iterations of the show, he was voiced exclusively by women. Dub and sub, in both the 1999 and 2011 anime. Like, surely he’d be voiced by a dude at least once, right? I mean, he’s a grown adult, not a teen. (Well, this was an error on my part, but the mistake got me thinking.)

Mind, I didn’t actually think Togashi had any intention of making Kurapika trans. But maybe there were fandom headcanons about this? So I looked it up that morning, found out there were, and eventually fell down the fanfic rabbit hole. One of the ones I found, and really liked, was this soft story about him binding for too long, then Leorio chews him out and patches him up. It was sorta edgy, lots of dysphoric brooding and whatever, but I still liked it. It also made me ask myself, “Would I like wearing a binder?”

After that, I fell in a deeper rabbit hole. The “gender hole” or something. I thought wearing a binder sounded cool. Though this is funny thinking back on now, since I own a binder and don’t wear it much because I’m not really prone to top dysphoria (my boobs are small so pretty ignorable most of the time... and also squishy which I like).

Anyway. I started researching stuff like HRT and reassignment surgery, found a lot of stuff that was euphoric and a lot of stuff that sounded scary (mostly surgery). Things like facial hair, having squarer features, a deeper voice, coarser body hair, etc. sounded fucking amazing though. Of course medical stuff wasn’t the only thing I thought about. Wearing masculine clothing, being called a boy and “he/him” sounded really incredible too.

And then, to press this point, after talking to a friend I went out with her to the mall to buy clothes. I remember finding a plaid flannel button-down at an Old Navy, and trying it on in the changing room with some dude khakis. And like... I came to this realization that for like, my whole damn life, I’ve always looked in the mirror and not really associated the person there with me, like I’d been shunted into the body of some random-ass NPC. But in that moment, this did look like me, and it felt like me.

That’s not to say I never have these doubts anymore. I say I’m genderfluid, and not a trans guy, because there are times when female is okay. And there are also times when “male” isn’t okay. My gender’s more this Cthulhian horror than any one thing, and that makes expressing it frustrating for me. It seems weird that one day a thing can make me so fucking comfortable, and the next it’s horrible and I hate it.

I sometimes hear people say that enbies don’t experience gender dysphoria. This is just blatantly untrue. For me though, dysphoria stems from being locked into one gender than anything else. I feel like for me, my sex fluctuating is what’s most natural. Like being able to wake up and choose between masculine and feminine body features, or else getting to mix and match them. Making shit up. Being shit that doesn’t exist. Toeing the line of androgyny with my anatomy, things like that.

Unfortunately for me, that’s not actually possible. The gods have placed me in a single body that is -- for the most part -- unchanging, and in consequence, most of the people I know will only ever see me as that one thing. I genuinely don’t hate being born female and again, sometimes that’s what feels most natural. I firmly believe if I’d been born male, I’d feel the exact same way: happy with my body sometimes, frustrated with its immutability others. Female is a part of me, but when it’s the only part that’s recognized, it can be disheartening. There are many other important parts of myself I want to share with people, too.

Anyhow uhhhhh that’s my dumb gender rant. Currently inb4 I’m on testosterone and gain the ability to shapeshift :PP

#kurapika #hunter x hunter #hxh #genderfluid #personal #rant #gender dysphoria #archive

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lifesucksdiary · 8 months

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Recent updates about my life

I was so tired recently, for the job being more busy and a lot of changes happened in the past month. One of my very skilled manager left the company for his family, and somehow it is short staffed almost all the time. To fill the gap, I was told to help some parts, but it is a lot of responsibility to teach newbees and take care of myself as well.

I want to try to be at the assistant position, but I am still in a position to need someone to teach me things. I know my managers trust me that I am capable, but I am feeling like always on edge.

I wish I could focus on just this job, but because I am a freelance musician, and a teacher as well, I need to look after my own business to thrive so that one day if I ever need to relocate outside of Japan, I still have income. It's just the way I chose to live so I cannot give up on it. Plus, it gives me hope and purpose. I feel happy working on it, and seeing my craft being played on my computer, or seeing my students grow and pass exams.

As for my love life, I am taking some break from it all. It is a great change I made this year, because I don't waste money on things I know will not work. But I made friends from overseas through online language exchange app. I play chess with them, exchange letters with one of them, sometimes talk about our culture and teach each other languages.

I am not the most sociable person, so it exhausts me if I am always around people. I like plants, writing letters, playing chess occassionally. I love comedy and music.

I made another friend too. She is way older than me, but she has young soul. She teaches me things like

'when you are down, wear pretty clothes make yourself look nice and go out. you should make yourself happy.'

'you should ask for what you want. Be selfish, dear. Otherwise no one know what you want even if they want to do that for you.'

She says things very blatantly, and it is refreshing to me. Sometimes it is a bit overwhelming but I learned that I should not always stay in my own bubble, because there are happiness outside your own head that helps you stay inspired as an artist.

She plans to go back to her country soon, probably in a month or so. It is exhausting me to hear her preach about things but it is good for me. Today and yesterday I took some time for myself to just be alone and rest my mind. Writing and creating things help me express what I have been piling up inside me.

In an hour or so, I will have to start teaching but I hope I survive the two day office work that I have for this week. Only two more days, you got this girl.

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moonlandingtrip · 2 years

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Okay so I do not look very masculine. I have not started HRT yet. But I went into a fast food joint earlier today with a trans flag mask my friend got me and the cashier kept calling me "him" and was telling the other people "yeah SHE asked for a small shake" and such. I really would've thought she was being transphobic except that she was incredibly kind and overtly sweet but not in a condescending way. It seemed like she thought I was in the process of transitioning from MtF.

#it was confusing but I really think she did think I was MTF somehow #probably because my mask covers the feminine parts of my face #and my hair is very clearly short hair that has been grown out to shoulder length ish #which is because I don't want to go out for a haircut and I only have fabric scissors #not ruining those on my hair #and I was wearing leggings #(it is very cold and those are very warm leggings)#and then I gave her my dead name because I autonomously do so #i almost always would get food with people who didn't know I was trans so I didn't want to out myself and now it's just stuck #but my dead name is pretty feminine like it is almost exclusively used as a girls ne #anyways #maybe it should've made me sad but it made me happy #it really seemed like she was trying #and that makes me happy #it did hurt being called she so much and so blatantly #but the fact that she genuinely seemed supportive makes it good #like she was trying so hard to reinforce what she thought were my pronouns #it was very kind

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cursestothemoon · 3 years

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hellooooo<3 so, ive always loved the idea of Harry having an older protective sister(he really need one😭) could u pls do a headcanon of how she protects harry and their relationship? annnnddd how she also is dating Fred?? my heart needs it, pls and thank u❤️

i LOVE THIS

(also i switch from third person pov to second person in the middle of this so im sorry :) but its fine )

i know a common headcanon/ fancanon for harry’s sister is that she looks like lily

but hear me out

Y/n Potter who looks exactly like James

i mean to the T

and Lily would always make little teasing comments about how both her kids look like their dad and james is just :)

anyway

just picture it

dark brown, wavy hair that was just tussled enough at all times

blue eyes

and the round rimmed glasses that James used to wear

stOP SHE WEARS HER DADS GLASSES BECAUSE WHEN SHE WAS LITTLE SHE’D PULL THEM OFF OF HIM AND AFTER HE DID SHE KEPT THEM AND WHEN SHE MISSES HIM SHE WEARS THEM AND THEY ARE SLIGHTLY TOO BIG AND SIT CROOKED ON HER FACE

i made myself cry

anyway

lets talk protecting harry first then we will get into dating fred

so she’s older meaning she’d be in Hogwarts for before him

let’s say she's two years older

George and Fred’s year

and she’d hear the whispers about her

obviously

and i think she wouldn't tell harry

she would know the story of how their parents died and who harry was to the wizarding community but in an effort to protect Harry’s innocence and childhood for just a little while longer she wouldn’t tell him

at least not until he got to school then she’d be the one to tell him everything

she is fiercely protective of Harry

if someone so much as looked at him funny she was chewing their head off

Harry might’ve been like James

but Y/n Potter is James

down to the way her eyes would narrow at someone in class when they made a rude comment

or she’d try to charm her way out of trouble

or charm Harry out of trouble

oH MY GOD SHE’D BE IN MCGONAGALL’S CLASS AND ONE OF HER FRIENDS WOULD SAY SOMETHING FUNNY AND SHE’D BE TRYING SO HARD TO HOLD IN HER LAUGH AND SHE’D MAKE THE SAME FACE JAMES WOULD MAKE WHEN TRYING NOT TO LAUGH

Mcgonagall almost cried

she needed a moment

ok Y/n would take the first week or so just to show Harry around Hogwarts

she did not care if she was late

Harry was going to feel comfortable

oH SHE NEARLY BEAT OLIVER WOOD WITH A BEATER’S BAT WHEN SHE FOUND OUT HE PUT HER TEENY LITTLE BROTHER ON THE QUIDDITCH TEAM AS A SEEKER

she is also part of the team, a chaser

will get spend most of the first few games with Harry making sure he’s ok

yeah malfoy doesn’t stand a chance

never did

10/10 would use the cloak to prank him

all the time

nothing is out of limits

especially after he’s been nasty to Harry and his friends

growing up harry gets all embarrassed when she protects him because hes 15!1!1! he can handle it

she is kinda hurt

very dramatic

“mY WITTLE BROTHER DOESN’T NEED ME”

“y/n... please”

“nO ITS OK HARRY I GET IT, ILL GO”

“where are you going?”

“YOU DON’T NEED ME ANYMORE, I AM NO LONGER NEEDED HERE”

“you don't HAVE TO LEAVE, WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS”

Ron was giggling on the couch in the common room he thought this whole scene was hilarious

ron thinks she is so cool

ok i think she’d also have these little bits of lily that would shine through

unlike harry and james, who could just inhale near a book and get just above average grades

she took pride in studying and being able to sit down and absorb material

Lily always passed with flying colors because she was a good student who wanted to prove herself

it was the satisfaction of spending hours studying and being able to retain the information and apply it to earn an amazing grade that she loved

she passed this on to you

as well as her kindness to people who she believed deserved it

and quick wit

you two also had the same hands

you had everything else from James but your hands looked like your mothers

down to the way your nails grew and fingers held a quill

snape hated it

because he really couldn’t hate you

he was weird around you though

hes just weird

where he'd bully and embarrass Harry

he couldn’t do that to you because you wouldn’t give him the chance to

you knew the material

you knew the answer

and he hated how when your hand shot up it looked just like Lily’s

but you were making the stupid face James would when he’d concentrate

you did not like snape

at first you were impartial

then when you heard how rude he was to Harry...

it was also over for him

he didn’t stand a chance

you had an affinity for pranks, fiercely protective, and you had gall

your hand writing also looked like Lilys and snape had a rough time grading your essays

tough for him

also if any rumors went around about harry you were quick to make them actually about you

harry is the heir of slytherin?

actually no Y/n Potter is, there is no evidence but we just heard that it was her somewhere

you didn’t care as long as no one was being rude to Harry

leTS TALK DEATHLY HALLOWS

so you don’t go with them on the hunt for Horcrux

and you’d be going insane not knowing how they were or if they were ok

because all your life you had been able to protect to some extent

but you were completely helpless now

you could do nothing

and then at the battle of hogwarts

pLEASE

no one stood a chance

the feeling of seeing harry again

beaten, bruised, but still alive

it was overwhelming

then seeing Hagrid crying in his seemingly dead body

also overwhelming

because you had failed

you couldn't protect him

and he heard you scream first

it was loud and strangled and Harry felt so bad but he knew he had to do this

I like to think Y/n Potter is the one who killed Voldemort in the end

you cant argue with me on this sorry

now

lets talk

dating freddie

so he’d probably notice you here and there starting in first year

but he was an eleven year old boy and girls were not on his radar right now

but he thought you were funny and pretty cool

and your round glasses that were just a little too big for your adolescent face made you look cute

then you tried out for the quidditch team with him and George

you were amazing

not only did you have James natural talent for the sport but that paired with Lily’s tactical thinking and quick mind

you were unstoppable

you were brought on the team as a seeker

and you were good at it too, but it wasn’t you’re favorite position

it entailed a lot of waiting and not really moving until you caught sight of the snitch

it was your excellent flying mixed with the fact that you literally had no sense of self preservation that made you a really good seeker

you'd just

nose dive

if you hit the bottom you hit the bottom oh well

but when Harry showed up you were happy to give him your position as seeker and take on the more exciting (at least to you) job of chaser

it was your quidditch playing that really got fred’s attention

because you were good

and during team lunches or team hang outs you were always the life of the party

not because you were avidly trying to be

but like james, people jus gravitated to your goofiness and happiness

it was about the middle of fifth year fred realized he had a crush on you

and little man was panicked

you had noticed fred before that

obviously

but he was always just the funny guy on the team

but as everyone knows the potter’s have a thing for gingers

and it was when they came to pick you and Harry up from the Dursley's just before the quidditch world cup that you saw how attractive he really was

please its james and lily all over again

kinda

you become the funniest person in the room when he’s around

always smiley

lilypad?

no.

freddie bug

aH STOP PLEASE THAT’S SO CUTE

YOU’D JUST STARE AT HIM WITH A STUPID SMILE

it would get to the point you'd be just blatantly flirting

and fred bluSHES

BECAUSE HE ISN’T USED TO BEING THE ONE ON THE RECEIVING END OF SUCH CLEAR FLIRTING

usually he is the one to pick up girls

he has the charm

likes to make them blush

but yOU CAN JUST LOOK AT HIM WITH A STUPID SMILE AND HES BE ALL GIDDY

he could barely get a compliment in between your flirting

“Morning Freddie bug, looking cute as always.”

George thinks it both hilarious and disgusting

ron just thinks its disgusting

but fred is ultimately the one to make the first move to be more than just friends who flirt when the yule ball comes around

he asks you

“Potter! Potter!”

“yes?”

“You, me, Yule ball....”

and as he’s pantomiming it (ya know like in the movie) he also pantomimes a very heavy make out session then what you could assume would be kisses all over your face

it was now your turn to blush as you agreed to go with him

you guys started dating after that :)

pLEASE ONCE HARRY GOT WITH GINNY AND HE SAW A PICTURE OF YOUR PARENTS

YOUR MOM BEING A RED HEAD AND YOU AND HARRY LOOKING JUST LIKE YOUR DAD

HE WOULD NOT STOP THE JOKES

“i see why you’re with me. it’s my hair isnt it?”

“what? no its no-”

“you probably wouldn’t even look my way if i didn’t have red hair. you potters are unbelievable.”

“you are such a dummy”

“oH AM I? BUT YOU KEEP ME AROUND BECAUSE OF THE HAIR. I SHOULD’VE KNOWN IT WASN’T MY SPARKLING PERSONALITY THAT YOU LOVE.”

taglist:

@amourtentiaa

@siriusement

#Harry Potter #fred weasley imagine #fred weasley x potter!reader #harry potter x sister!reader #harry potter imagine

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tumbledfreckles · 3 years

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Stupid

For @flowercrownroman Prompt: Hogwarts Jily - before they were dating but while they were on good terms, maybe an interaction where James sticks up for her and she gives the "I can handle myself'' argument.

Hope you like it! (2.5k)

“Evans.”

Lily kept walking, hoping she was far enough down the corridor that he’d assume she couldn’t hear him.

“Oi, Evans!”

Her pace increased, she was almost to the corner. Once there, she could duck into a bathroom and hide until the coast was clear.

“Lily, I know you can hear me. Wait up.”

Lily sighed as she came to a halt. Used the precious few seconds she had until he was upon her to wave her wand several times, feeling magic spread over her features, soothing her skin.

James was already stopped in front of her when she turned around, less than a foot away. “Finally, Evans. Where’s the fire?”

“In the dungeons,” She did her best to smirk. Judging by the frown on James’ face, it wasn’t a great effort. “What are you doing? You’re not on rounds tonight.”

She would know, given she was on duty.

“Kitchen raid,” James reached up to ruffle his hair, looking a bit sheepish. “Remus needed chocolate.”

Lily’s features softened immediately, “He’s out of the Wing?”

James nodded, “Just after dinner.”

“How’s he doing?”

“Bit rough,” James shrugged. “You know Remus, he won’t complain until it’s pretty much death’s door.”

“Yeah,” Lily nodded. “Sounds like him. Give him my love, will you? And let him know I’ve got notes from Runes. Merlin knows, Peter’s probably aren’t any use to him. I’m pretty sure he fell asleep five minutes into the lecture.”

“Sounds about right,” James said with a laugh.

Lily felt her cheek start to tingle and frowned internally. The glamours shouldn’t have been wearing off that quickly. She mustn’t have focused enough when she was casting. Or there were too many in quick succession. Time to go, in any case. “Well, I’ll let you get back to your mission then.”

James didn’t move, a crease between his brows. “Everything alright, Evans? You look a bit peaky.”

“Yeah, fine,” Lily tried her best to smile. “Tired, is all. Shift’s almost over though.”

He still didn't leave, though she willed him too. “Have you had any trouble?”

Lily shook her head quickly, vehemently. “Hardly seen a soul.”

“Right,” James looked even more suspicious. “Even in the dungeons?”

His question was too pointed. Too knowing. Lily’s heart started to beat faster. “Guess I’ve been lucky,” she said carefully. “Quiet night.”

“Lucky’s not the word, I don’t think,” James’ hand reached forward, toward her face. Toward the spreading tingle that now covered half of it. “Evans -”

Lily cut in before he could start his next question. “What are you doing down this way, anyway? The kitchens are on the other side of the castle.”

“I, uh,” James ruffled his hair again. “I saw you as I crossed the main corridor, I guess. Wanted to check in.”

“I didn’t come from the main corridor,” Lily had used a secret passage to get to this floor. One she wasn’t even sure the Marauders knew about.

“Really, huh,” James’ eyes darted away from her, before settling back on her face. “I could have sworn I saw you.”

“Were you following me?” Lily knew she was onto something when James ruffled his hair for a third time. “Why were you following me?”

“I don’t know, Evans,” James’ voice was scornful, harsh, where before it had been light. The change made her blink. But his next words stopped her in her tracks. “Why were you talking to four baby Death Eaters down in the dungeons just now?”

Lily paled, or she would have, had she not been covered in glamours. Glamours that were fading by the second, if the tingles that had now spread across her entire face were anything to go by. She took a step back, and then another. Used the wand hidden in the folds of her robes to surreptitiously strengthen the charms. “They were out after hours. I was directing them back to their Common Room.”

James followed her, step for step. “And they went? Just like that?”

“You say that like they wouldn’t listen to the Head Girl,” Lily lifted her chin in challenge.

“That lot wouldn’t listen to me, and I’m a pure-” James cut off before he finished the word.

But Lily knew what he would have said, “Pureblood? They won’t listen to another pureblood, even one that’s Head Boy, is that what you were going to say? They won’t listen to the pureblood Head Boy, so why would they listen to the Mudblood Head Girl?”

“Don’t say that,” James’ teeth clenched, the tick in his jaw, always a sign of barely concealed anger, jumping out at her.

“It’s just a word, Potter,” Lily gritted her own teeth, biting the inside of her lip to prevent any tears from falling.

She’d shed enough tears already tonight.

“You shouldn’t let them-”

“Let them, what? Insult me? Degrade me? Put down my family, my home, my magic?” Lily felt angry, sounded angry, even though she knew she wasn’t directing it to the right person. “They don’t exactly need permission, Potter.”

“Evans,” James took another step toward her. “What happened down there?”

“How do you even know they were there? That I saw them?” Lily took a step away. “Were you spying on me? I told you not to use that bloody map to spy on me.”

“I wasn’t!” he insisted. “I was checking if Filch was about, so I could get Remus’ chocolate, and I just happened to see the impromptu meeting outside Sluggy’s room.”

“And you thought you’d glide on in, save me like the white knight you think you are?” Lily wasn’t sure why she was attacking him. He’d clearly worried about her, enough that he’d come looking. It made her heart clench inside her chest, warmth flood her chilled body. And yet she was attacking him.

Meanwhile the tingles had started again. It really was not her night.

James hands balled into fists at his side. “I wasn’t trying to rescue you. I just wanted to make sure they didn’t give you any grief.”

“They didn’t,” she lied blatantly. “I’m fine. I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can,” he was quiet. “That’s not what this is about.”

“Well, great,” Lily started to turn, knowing she had seconds left before her concealment charms faded. “Off to the kitchens with you, then. And then back to the Tower. I never saw you.” She waved listlessly, not waiting for his reply before taking several hurried steps.

“There’s blood on your hand.”

Lily froze, facing away from him. She looked down, realised that indeed her left hand was smeared with red. “Shit,” she muttered under her breath. “It’s ink,” she said with a raised voice. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” James reached out, pulling on her shoulder to turn her before she could stop him, her attention still caught by the blood on her hand. “Evans-”

He stopped, eyes on her face, widening so comically Lily would have laughed if she hadn’t felt on the verge of tears. Tears of panic, anger and overwhelming bloody despair. It was extraordinarily clear that the glamour charms she’d cast had failed spectacularly and he could now see what she had been desperate to hide.

“Lily, what happened?”

His eyes roamed over her face, taking in the swelling and no doubt bruising around her right eye. The blood that ran from her nose, still fresh, trailing off her lips, her chin. The painful welts of a burn that encircled her neck, in the shape of hands despite a wand having carried out the action. The rip in the front of her shirt, also smeared in blood from the large gash underneath. The blood had transferred to her hand when she’d tried to hold herself together.

“Nothing,” Lily said. She backed up several steps, her eyes on his as he stood frozen. “Nothing happened, I’m fine. Worse than it looks, you should see the other guy. All that kind of thing. I’ve got to finish rounds, I’ll see you -”

“Stop,” James had caught her before she could turn again. Before she could hightail it out of there, recast the charms and pretend this had never happened. “You are not fine.”

Another step had her back against the wall. Nowhere left to run. She refused to meet his gaze, not wanting to see the concern. The pity. She focused on his left ear instead. “It’s nothing.”

“It is not nothing.”

“Leave it, Potter. It’s naught to do with you.”

His expression darkened, “I’ll fucking kill them.”

“No, you won’t,” Lily’s eyes flew to his now, as her hand reached out to grip his forearm, preventing him from following through on his words.

“Evans, they can’t get away with this,” James looked as distressed as she felt, but for a different reason. “We have to go to Dumbledore.”

“You can’t,” Lily’s eyes flashed, her hand held him tighter. It should have been painful by now, but James looked as if he couldn’t even feel her. “You can’t tell anyone.”

“What are you talking about, Evans?” James shook his head. “You’re Head Girl. They can’t just do this.”

“Exactly,” her chin lifted, her face set. “I’m Head Girl. No one can know.”

“You’re not making sense.”

“They bested me, Potter,” tears pricked at her eyes as she croaked the words out. They were tight in her throat, making a hoarse, rasping sound. “They bested me, and I’m the Head Girl. If they can best me, they can best anyone. No one can know.”

“It was four on one. You can’t expect to win with four on one.”

“That doesn’t matter.” He didn’t get it. She had to make him understand. “That part doesn’t matter. All that the students will remember, is that those cowards picked a fight with the Head Girl, the Muggleborn Head Girl, and they won. Muggleborns are going to be terrified, and everyone else isn’t going to want to cross them. Worse, they might join them, just so they aren’t next. We can’t let that happen.” She pulled on his wrist, urging him to agree. “James, no one can know.”

He watched her for a long time. His eyes held hers, searching them. She could see the wealth of emotions flicking through his gaze as he processed what she’d said. Anger, of course, so furious, so raw it seemed like he was burning. Disbelief, reluctance, defiance. A general unwillingness to go along with her request. Sadness, as his eyes flicked over her again, concern and worry taking over his expression.

Lily dropped her head before she could see the pity.

Who wouldn’t pity her? She was weak, pathetic, a failure. She was meant to be a symbol of hope, a sign that the Death Eater’s were wrong. She was meant to be so strong, so powerful, so talented, that no one could ever doubt her place in this world. She was meant to be faultless, flawless, infallible.

She had failed.

A touch to her cheek, careful and timid, brought her back to him. James held her face gently in his palm, using his thumb to lift her chin even higher. He wasn’t looking at her face, Lily realised, as she tried to look at his. His attention was focused on her neck, his other hand bringing his wand tip to her neck. Even the lightest contact to the fragile skin made her whimper.

“Sorry,” James muttered. “Just, hold still a sec.” Almost as soon as he’d finished speaking a coolness spread across her neck. It was a welcome relief, taking the pain away with it.

“Thanks,” she whispered, looking up at him. He was closer than she thought he’d ever been before. It was almost possible to count his eyelashes behind his glasses, he was so close.

“I’m not finished.” He used his thumb to move her head this way and that, prodding and casting in succession.

Lily felt the magic wash over her again and again, and with each wave, the pain lessened. Her shoulders sagged in relief as the tension rained away with the pain. She felt his wand move to her stomach, where the biggest slicing hex had hit her, and tried not to react as he carefully pulled her shirt up, eyes flicking to hers until she nodded her permission, to see what needed to be done. His hand was warm on her skin, and despite the situation, Lily wasn’t surprised to find she didn’t mind his touch.

Welcomed it, really.

“Have I missed anything?” Her shirt dropped back down but his hand stayed where it was on her side. His gaze roamed over her again, finally meeting her eyes again. There was not pity there, only concern. Concern, and caring, and something else that she couldn’t quite name. She only knew it made her feel warm.

Lily shook her head, “Think that was it. Thank you.”

James shrugged, “You don’t need to thank me. I care about you. You know that.”

“I do know that. And I care about you,” she attempted a smile. ”How things have changed this year.”

“Not so far if you’re still trying to hide stuff from me.”

“I didn’t want you to worry,” she reached for his arm again, but ended up holding his hand. “I knew you wouldn’t want to keep it quiet.”

He threaded his fingers into hers, squeezing even as he sighed heavily. “I want them to pay. They don’t deserve to breathe the same air as you.”

“You can’t,” Lily started. She reached up, pushing his hair back out of his eyes, off his glasses. “I don’t want people to think that I’m not every bit as deserving of magic as they are.”

“You’re being stupid. No one will think that.” His fingers smoothing up and down her side, clenching on her hip. She tried not to shiver at the contact. He was looking at her in the way that made her feel warm again.

Lily didn’t try to argue with him. Instead, she braced a hand on his chest, pushing up onto her tiptoes to make up the difference in their heights. With James already looking down at her, it didn’t take much to press her lips to his. The touch was soft, sweet, a balm to the terror she’d felt much earlier in the night.

“What was that for?” James asked when she pulled back, dropping down onto her heels. He looked

Her hand stayed on his chest, fingers curled into his robes as she smiled. “You said I was being stupid. Thought I may as well live up to it.”

His lips twitched at both ends, “Kissing me is stupid?”

She nodded, slowly, her grin widening. “Very.”

James leaned down, so close their noses brushed. “Care to be stupid again? I could get on board with that kind of stupid.”

“In for a penny, in for a -” Lily didn’t even get to finish the saying before James’ hand buried in her hair and his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her firm against him as his lips captured hers again.

#jily #jily fic #jily prompt #hogwarts jily #jily fanfic #freckles writes #canon jily #fluff

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who-is-page · 2 years

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Some scattered thoughts on Wolf (2021)

So some pals and I did a watch party of the legendary (affectionately derogatory) movie, Wolf. Here are some of my thoughts on it, and on things I've heard about it/said myself in the past.

To start things off, I went into Wolf expecting it to be how I saw most people in the WolfGetsReal Alt+H campaign described it as-- a movie that explicitly supported the psychopathologizing of nonhuman identities and species dysphoria, and which portrayed nonhumanity and adjacent experiences as something to be "cured." Something that got species dysphoria so wrong as to be downright offensive, and which insulted people who experience it every step of the way.

What I got was...not that. What I got was actually, in some ways, the opposite of that.

Wolf (2021) has a main character who sees himself as a wolf, but a cast of other nonhuman characters too-- a panda, a jumping spider, a German shepherd, a grizzly bear, a duck, and a squirrel, among others. These characters are all hospitalized in what's clearly meant to be an inpatient treatment facility, where none of them are allowed to leave (and supposedly the last guy who did escape DIED oooo, much spooky, very believable).

The "treatments" we see these characters go through at the hands of the two staff members working at the facility are downright inhumane and almost identical to a lot of the anti-otherkin rhetoric we saw in the mid-2010's, especially the ones that got into the territory of anti-kin theoretically abusing their own children were they ever to identify as otherkin. But these "treatments" are never glorified or portrayed as anything other than horrific and deeply unethical. The staff of the facility are clear-cut villains, no questions about it. There's absolutely zero sympathetic emphasis on them. (Even the mother-daughter relationship the female psychologist has with one of the patients is pretty blatantly abusive, if you ask me.)

And the portrayal of species dysphoria by the actors was, when not cringy from the director clearly over-exaggerating certain things (like the duck kid constantly quacking), genuinely relatable and heartfelt. Hearing the main character talk about how his body felt wrong was like looking in a mirror. He was easily echoing not only things I've verbatim heard others say about their mind-body mismatch, but that I myself have thought. Watching characters slink around on all fours, indulge in wearing gear, and engage in even stereotypical behaviors of their animals--such as the over-excitable dog character asking for headpats and immediately running up to the wolf MC with "we're family! Let's be friends!" type conversation upon their first informal meeting--was relatable and even sometimes familiar in a surprising amount of scenes they occurred in. Honestly, it was kind of nice to see those experiences showcased at all.

(Spoiler alert ahead in this paragraph, but also, getting to watch the main character escape from that place successfully with a finishing line to his wildcat pseudo-girlfriend, who was begging him to stay and asking how would he survive out there in the Real Wild World and etc, with "it's not about surviving, it's about surviving as me," also absolutely struck a chord in me, as both a nonhuman and a survivor of abuse myself--and I think that really showcased how, at least for the main character, his nonhumanity was never something to be "cured" but was just an undeniable part of who he was all along.)

The movie was definitely only 2.5 out of 5 star material, don't get me wrong. The pacing was janky, it's filled with plotholes that require a suspension of disbelief long enough to cross the Atlantic with, several of my friends pointed out that it's rife with ableist undertones (including the idea that animality is connected to trauma), and both the villain's one-dimensional-ness and the open ending were things that I know eyebrows have been raised over. And these are only the problems I caught with it on a half-drunken first-watch while shouting at the screen with friends, mind you.

It's not a great movie-- hell, I don't even think most people would call it a good movie. But it's not the earth-shatteringly awful film I originally assumed from online backlash, either. The idea that any of us thought this was going to have a larger effect on therian and otherkin communities is, honestly, laughable. It's a nobody of a movie and I can't help but groan at myself for ever thinking it was possibly anything more than that. I regret taking people's assertions about this film at face value without watching it myself first, in all honesty. There's no way this film could find any sort of even theoretical cult following outside of niche movie buff alterhuman circles, and even then. The movie takes itself decently seriously but anyone who watches it probably won't.

So take this ramble as you will, but that's pretty solidly my perspective on Wolf (2021): overall a "meh" film with plenty to criticize, but I enjoyed watching it and it did have its moments. I think a lot of the claims made about it were over-exaggerated, but I also recognize that people are allowed to have their opinions. I'd honestly say check it out and judge it for yourselves.

One last thing: If you're easily disturbed by what's clearly psychological and physical abuse and conversion therapy, then absolutely don't watch this movie. But if that doesn't squick you out too much, I'd highly recommend watching it with a bunch of other nonhumans and alterhumans; get a bit of a virtual Howl going on and throw some popcorn at it while laughing with friends.

#Wolf 2021 #long post #not gonna bother putting this in the tags tbh #I'm Not Dealing With People Tonight

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ghostietea · 3 years

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Furuba autistic headcanons

With it being April, or autism acceptance month, I wanted to finally drop my list of characters from Fruits Basket that I read as autistic! This is based a lot on my own experience, as well as that of other autistics I know or have seen talk online. I hope some people can get something out of it, feel free to tell me what you think 😊, though please refrain from getting upset that I would dare suggest your fave is autistic.

Hanajima

Before becoming able to better control her powers, she would be constantly overwhelmed by the things she heard to the point that she couldn't even really go out in public. This reads a lot like sensory overload.

Constantly picked on in school because other kids thought she was weird. Eventually reclaimed this weirdness and turned it into a whole persona.

Seems to talk usually in a relatively flat tone.

Had trouble socializing with no friends outside her family until middleschool.

Has a very funny, dry sense of humor that I find very similar to a bunch of autistics I know, including myself.

Hatsuharu

Listen. You have seen the funky little man, you have seen the way he talks, the way he acts around others. He is, and I mean this in the best way, a weirdo. I do not know how you could look at him and see a neurotypical.

Once again, like Hana, Haru is funny in a way that feels very autistic.

Very flat, dry, tone delivery. Sometimes just Says Things that make everyone else go huh??? Suuuuper blunt. Doesn't emote facially a lot of the time.

When this man sees a social norm he doesn't get he WILL NOT follow it. Pierces his ears just because his hair got flak, defends Momiji wearing whatever he wants because sometimes y'know the social rules are just dumb and don't make sense. Especially dress codes.

Sometimes says things not befitting the current tone of the situation.

Represses (masks) a lot of his emotions, leading to outbursts that seem uncharacteristic.

His main childhood trauma revolves around adults branding him as "dumb" and ridiculing him. Haru, however, is super smart and wise!! Just in an offbeat way that not everyone may get.

Machi

Reads as very "flat" emotionally to the point that others would call her boring. Also has a flat vocal delivery.

Relies on specific habits or ways of doing things or else she gets super upset (her hatred of imperfection.

Has trauma surrounding adults completely misconstruing her intentions and thinking she's doing something malicious when she's not.

Generally behaves in a way that's hard for others to understand, one of her formative moments with Yuki was him saying he wanted to "see how the world looks" through her eyes.

Once again, trouble socializing.

Tries super hard to please her parents but in the end they still see her as somehow inherently "defective."

Listen. A lot of this one and the last two are mostly vibes, hard to verbally define. You just have to look at them and trust me.

Tohru

Displays behavior very reminiscent of masking throughout the story, a huge part of her arc is about how she hides a lot of herself and has a very controlled persona. I think it would fit very well if she had other autistic behaviors that she suppresed also it helps explain why she is relatively socially adept, it's learned behavior to make people like her more.

Yes she is very good at saying what others need to hear, but especially early on she is pretty blatantly imitating her mother's words. She only gets better at getting through on a more personal level later on (see her with Rin and Akito v. early series Tohru). She does this by relating her own experiences, a very autistic way of showing empathy that often gets us written off as self centered. The way she relays things her mom said could also be seen as this, and she even worries at a few points that she's being insensitive for going on about things like that.

While emotionally repressed she is hyper empathetic and feels other's emotions so strongly she cries.

Her speech patterns are all imitated from her father and she often copies verbal things from others (see Ritchan-san). Noted in canon that people think her way of speaking is slightly off/not befitting of someone her age. Additionally, her father was polite more sarcastically, while she plays it straight and sometimes takes things very literally or fails to get the message, indicating trouble with reading tone. Has numerous strange verbal tics, including saying parts of her internal monologue out loud without context.

Very expressive with her hands including waving them around and flapping them up and down.

Does have a bit of trouble with accidental insensitivity in social interactions, like how she constantly fixates on her mom and realizes that might bug the Sohma.

Has trouble paying attention in school since it doesn't have much to do with her interests

Her only friend until she was a middle schooler was her mom

Has a pretty unique outlook on things compared to others, people seem to think she's pretty eccentric. There's always a "this girl is nice but in an odd way, she's our weirdo and we love her" vibe.

Sometimes has an "inappropriate" emotional response to situations

Has a lot of trouble with change, similar to Akito. Which oh, look at the time, next hc coming up.

But first, a disclaimer. It is cathartic for me to read Akito this way, but with that reading comes the baggage that she would, mayhaps, be showing a more negative side of things... It doesn't bother me since it's a joint hc with other characters and she does develop at the end but yeah, general villain hc baggage. This is in no way me trying to excuse her being The Worst being autistic doesn't absolve you of being able to do wrong . Also, a lot of these points can and do have other explanations related to her upbringing, but things can be for more than 1 reason. With that said, she really strongly comes off as autistic to me, in a way that's sorta hard to explain. I wrote a lot more for her than the other, both because I felt I needed more to convince people and that this headcanon was more sensitive and I needed to be careful in my explanation. Also hey! She's my special interest within a special interest.

Akito

Shown to have a dislike of summer weather due to heat and brightness, could be due to sensory issues in tandem with sickness things. Also covers her ears when people raise their voice sometimes which is partially her trying to shut down opposition but also 🤔 can read a different way. She'd also avoids louder Juuni like Ritsu and Ayame because she can't handle them.

Wears pretty much the same outfit every single day. Said outfit is also pretty loose fitting.

Always seen sitting in a pretty unconventional way. Evidence:

Of course this is also the isolated in a cult thing and there is a level of her purposefully doing things to intimidate but: doesn't follow a lot of social rules (overly touchy with strangers, legit doesn't get that what she's doing is wrong, ect.). Repeatedly confused when people indicate she should act otherwise without explanation. Has a breakdown when this comes to a head and approximately says that "they" shouldn't expect her to know "common sense" if "they" never explained it to her, that the way that she was was her "common sense."

Often talks in a way uncharacteristic of her age when shown as a child in a more faux mature/pretentious way. Might just be the translation and idk how to explain it but her speech as an adult also seems off from what one would normally use in conversation. Additionally, when she tries to fake being friendly in her intro chapter, it comes of as extremely stiff and unconvincing.

Generally displays behavior that could be thought of as childish as an adult, but a lot of this behavior could also read as autistic (covering ears, emotional deregulation and meltdowns, ignorance of basic social norms, ect.). It's also important to note that she knows that this behavior makes her seem younger and more helpless to the older zodiac and uses it as a manipulation tactic. Has issues regarding people treating her like a child or only hanging out with her because of pity. While she does weaponize it, we can tell that this grates on her, as seen with her finally blowing up on Kureno, which is partially triggered by the maids saying some sorta infantalizing stuff about her. Irl, a lot of autistic adults and teens struggle with being infantalized for our behavior generally or treated as little babies that can do no wrong. Even in fandom, you see people doing stuff like jumping to call autistic adult characters, such as Entrapta from Shera, "minor coded." It is also common for us to have at least one bad experience with someone hanging around us out of pity. This is something that really gave me a similar feeling in Akito's arc. She's not a baby and she can understand and do better if she is given the chance to learn and break from all the freaky cult indoctrination she's been subjected to instead of just being constantly enabled. In the end, a lot of her growth is represented by her showing that she is capable of changing and being independent.

Shows particular difficulty with socialization, often sits by herself spacing out at social events. A lot of her fear is rooted in the fact that she doesn't know how normal relationships work, becoming overly reliant on the curse because she doesn't know how to make friends.

Clings desperately onto the notion of being "special" and in some way superior to others to be worthy and to make up for perceived inherent "flaws." It's the nd gifted kid burnout vibes for me.

Easily bothered by things that don't bother others. Feels emotions very strongly to the point of getting physically ill and has bad emotional regulation.

Relatively good at reading others in an analytical sense (though has more trouble when it comes to seeing how they feel about her since she's wildly delusional) but brings up her observations in a very cold, detached way and hurts people even on the rare occasion she didn't mean to. Has extreme trouble connecting to others and understanding their point of view. This makes her come off as pretty unempathetic even though that might not fully be the case. Also thinks that people like Momiji are trying to look down on her when they try to empathize with her. A lot of why Tohru can get through to her is that she manages to convince Akito that she's not condescending by relating shared traits and experiences. As I said earlier, autistics often empathize by sharing their own experiences with someone, and I know I often have an easier time confiding in other autistics because of a fear of being seen as lesser by those that don't understand me. I think the connection between these charachters and the way that Tohru manages to reach Akito like that while others couldn't makes a lot of sense through an autistic lense!

Additionally, when Akito herself gets around to trying to help others instead of just projecting trauma, she tries to reach out to the old maid by relating back to her own experiences. This however, doesn't work.

Has "cold" emotional reactions sometimes even to things that do make her upset. For example, how sort of calm and detached she acted after her father's death can make her seem uncaring. However, we know that this event did mess her up a lot and she is still (poorly) dealing with a lot of grief from the death of her father years later.

Copies mannerisms from others, the most blatant example is with Ren, who she directly parrots lines from as a child to Yuki.

Partly just her posturing, but gestures a lot with her hands when she talks. Also seen several times clutching her hands in her hair.

Deals extremely poorly with the idea of things changing to the point that it is a driving force of the story.

Does not understand when people tease her.

Ect. Ect. Ect. Listen, I could go on for ages but just trust me, the mean gremlin lady is autistic.

#fruits basket #akito sohma #tohru honda #saki hanajima #machi kuragi #hatsuharu sohma #actually autistic #meta

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