#“stfu or so help me lucifer”

[havelocks]

#good omens #just pictured crowley hissing at people to shut up while he's giving a sermon in hell #“stfu or so help me lucifer”

[localanimethottie]

Bratty MC x Lucifer

Summary: MC tells Lucifer to go get some bitches and pays dearly for it

WARNING: NSFW // SMUT

*Lucifer lecturing everyone in the the group chat*

MC: How about you stfu + stop lecturing us and go get some bitches 💀🫵

Satan: 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

*Satan screen shots*

Beleghor: 😂

Mammon: 😭

Beelzebub: 😰 Mc……

Leviathan: 😆 LMAOO LOLLLLLL MC YOUR SO DEAD

Asmodeus: Maybe we can pick up some together but I’d more than happy to act as a replacement Lucifer 😘😘

*Lucifer is typing…*

*Lucifer stopped typing*

MC: Ha! He actually stopped. I bet h-

Lucifer broke down MC door and appeared in full demon form raging.

“I believe we need to have a little talk about your behavior MC…”

“In my room NOW!” Lucifer scoffed

Within Lucifer room…

“This is utterly ridiculous, pure immature” Lucifer says with his per usual angry face. You sigh as you watch him folding his arms and continue scolding you.

“I mean what do you hope to accomplish by that messily attempt at a joke?! And using in inappropriate language in the chat!” Lucifer just grows more frustrated and disappointed in you.

However you didn’t give a shit and proceeded to provoke him.

“If your embarrassed just say that” you look at him with the smug look. Lucifer had a slight blush but Immediately furrowed his eyebrows in anger. “ME?! getting angry at your debilitated joke? Please don’t make me laugh”

“You still get no bitches”

Lucifer grows more angry and grabbed you by your arms pulling you very close to him. “Look I know what your trying to do.” Lucifer looks deep within your eyes and you couldn’t help but blush within his arms.

“You want my attention that bad you tried to embarrass me.” Lucifer brings his face closer to yours smiling cockily.

“Just look at your face reddening when barely doing anything to you” Lucifer laughs. “We both know your mines so why pretend?”

“How about you lay there on my bed with your legs open and I’ll be happy to give you the attention your desperately seeking” Lucifer now shooting you with his signature bed room eyes.

Your now biting your lips. The truth is…. He was correct you and him haven’t had sex in a while and you were sexually frustrated.

“O-okay, I love you…Lucifer” You said as you swiftly laid on your back maintaining eye contact with him.

He couldn’t help but blush but your feelings were more than reciprocated. “I love you too Mc, truly and deeply”

He made his way to where you was and you both shared a steamy passionate make out session within each-other arms. One thing led to another and before you know it you were completely nude as he fingers your tight little hole. You moaned against his lips as he begins to kiss down your jawline.

Lucifer was a passionate/ affectionate lover and he will make sure you get it GOOD.

An hour later…

“AHHhh Lucifer please~” you moaned loudly as Lucifer held up your legs as he pounds into you rubbing your clit. You sung his name in praise and he eats it up loving how you moan his name. “Lucifer~ ah” you moaned again with your tongue out. “Oh fuck mc you feel so good”, he grunts going down to suck the soul out your face.

You were already stuffed to the brim with cum and overstimulated.

“I c-can’t take a-anymore ahhh~ you feel so good~”

“Just a little bit more” through thoes words he grunts as he is now holding your waist pounding insanely fast into. Skin continues to make clash together as nothing but sweet moans could be heard from the both of you.

You were way too fucked out to care how you look. Your tongue was out of your mouth with drool exiting. Your eyes rolled back as you could think nothing but pleasure.

Lucifer does final last pumps into you and you quickly reacted with moaning his name.

Lucifer bites his lips and pushes deep within you and came.

Both are you are breathless but passionate kissing eachother with rather few words to say.

“I love you mc” Lucifer says smiling and hugging you

“I love you too Lucifer” you say matching his affectionate energy.

You both sit there for a while, then got all cleaned up, and cuddled the night away.

Lucifer acquired 1 bitch. That bitch was you.

Achievement unlocked: Become Lucifer’s bitch

@lucifurenjoyer @draconicfaenerd

#obey me #obey me boys #obey me brothers #obey me fanfic #obey me lore #obey me lucifer #obey me spoilers #obey me smut #obey me cards #obey me house of lamentation #obey me lucifer x reader #obey me lemon #obey me fandom #lucifer obey me #lucifer morningstar #lucifer

[ferosmorningstar]

defending Lilith? the bad mother and the seems to be villain of the next season? sucks to be you

Not gonna make any drawing on this. cause is pointless and it didn't deserve the time and effort.

*takes a deep breath*

WE DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT LILITH YET. And who the FUCKING hell told you she's just the only one who we have to blame? I really love Lucifer but know he also fucked things up in his marriage. and I was in his particular situation ages ago so I can get it. That makes me think that he have the same amount of guilt as Lilith because that's how relationships works sometimes, not everything would be perfect forever and Im sure as hell you never had to deal with something like this before.. But hey, it takes two to tango. And Lucifer seems to be troubled and depressed for his previous decisions. So this is my thoughts about the situation:

I think Lilith got angry and disappointed of Lucifer for the same reason he said to Charlie ''There's no point in trying to save sinners''. I think Lilith get so discouraged because the person she love didn't grant her the trust and support to help her people and the breaking point was when he maybe said something to Charlie that in the pilot made her said ''maybe dad was right'', and of course that he agree to let the exterminations happen. That's why she didn't let Charlie get close to Lucifer, to not let him discourage her in any way cause Lilith seems to raise Charlie at her image. I want to believe Lilith is not a bad person but she's very fierce in defending what she wants and believes. And of course I don't believe she's a bad mom at all since she seems to enjoy raising, love and caring for her child as in all the pictures they have and how Charlie speaks so highly of her makes you see that Lilith didn't abandon her as a child or anything like that, Lilith left knowing she raise a very brave young princess to follow her dreams . So that's why Lucifer now sees that it is not pointless to care about his daughter dreams even if he doesn't believe in it at first. Trying to reconnect with her because at the end both are big dreamers but he didn't get to know her too much until now. Also believe it was a bad move of Lilith to not let Charlie know her father better but if you think of it, she's trying to make her not rely in anyone but her own courage and conviction to be independent as her mother is. I would love to see the regal queen of hell is also a goofy dreamer who would do anything in her power to make her daughter dreams come true.

Even if the Lucilith ship makes me so happy I will accept if they won't get together again. Cause sometimes being apart for the sake of the other person it's also love. I really hope they get together .. but still I won't blame any of them if that never happens. And also hope they won't make her the villain just for the sake of drama

so stfu hater and have a nice day.

(sorry for my bad english, is not my first language)

#hazbin hotel lucifer #hazbin lucifer #lucifer morningstar #lucilith #lilith morningstar #hazbin hotel

[xluciifer]

💖💖💖 if you're still doing these (im so using them as blog recs)

send a 💖 and the mun will talk about a random mutual they love and appreciate!! || x ( I'm using a randomizer for urls. )

⸺ ( @origiinis ]

Mid! They're such a precious friend to me. Their ass is slow as molasses at responding >:( ( I'm kidding boo ) but I love them to death. They're so incredibly funny!! And they've helped me in more ways than I could ever repay them back for. I always love seeing their Adam on my dash and hear his stupid ass voice. Poser. Fantastic ass writer man, I can't give her enough props. You're stuck with me. ❤️

⸺ ( @holoharbinger ]

Sai! I will bite Sai. They're so fucking talented??? Their Vox, their Adam, their Asmodeus??? Top fucking tier. I constantly hear all their voices and will never understand that amount of talent. I am unworthy. I've only gotten to interact with their Vox and I'm absolutely living for it ( no, not because I like staticapple stfu ). I love being able to call them my friend, I kiss their writing and they always make me laugh and deal with me. ❤️

⸺ ( @pompedia ]

Pom! My darling, sweet daughter, pom. I'm so incredibly picky when it comes to Charlie's in regards to interactions with my Lucifer. And they just clicked so well with me, saw the vision I had and was down bad to do it with me. They're so incredibly good to me??? I'm undeserving. Another sweet soul with a heart of gold that can bounce around many personality of muses and still do an outstanding job. Amazing, top notch writer. I love them so much. ❤️

If you're not already following, please follow these amazing people. 👑🐍❤️

#origiinis #holoharbinger #pompedia #sinner questions. #ooc ; out of heaven

[rsmrymnt-tea]

「 🐳 」 ohh my goodness i remember the wedding event so well because i kept on trying to coax my friend into playing obey me by showing her satan's bit with the storybook, hehe <3 mammon's proposal was super cute too, from what i recall.

and ... you have seen my posts because the reason why i even discovered your blog was because you gushed on one of mine beginning around a year or so ago (•́⌄•́๑)૭✧ since then, i've been checking up on your blog often since it's rare to find people in the obm fandom that i actually agree with and aren't insufferable and who don't get the treatment of my notorious and yet, agreeable, “so no bitches?”, attitude many have claimed to admire purely because i'm able to find a way where i make the other shut up with my swd veteran discount card without seeming like an asshole.

and oh my goodd i feel you with those intimacy levels so much sjdnfskjd i've never bought vip in obm in my life, so trying to grind for satan in particular is SO much more difficult than it needs to be but it's okay because he's like a stray cat that glued itself to its owner and you can't help but love it, even if he is distant and closed-off on some days.

i remember when the nowdateables FIRST came out to be available for the homescreen ... they skipped solomon's birthday a few days after it was implemented and yet, he still had his birthday dialogue. i was so sad for him that i agreed to keep him on my homescreen and working and farming levels for him out of love and pity </33

respectable intimacy levels, by the way! i wish the level for my diavolo was lower because i just couldn't stand him in season 4 and i felt as though it were a clap back to when s2 was first released and the first thing i thought when solomon showed us the dagger was, “please tell me that's for diavolo, i don't accept anyone else”. not to say that i hate him !! he's just ... euurrhrhhggg (/neu) to me, yk??

on the brighter side of season 4, we got hilarious hard mode lesson stories! one was of solomon acting hilariously catatonic, similar to a dementia patient, after sleeping all day when he researched all night, and it basically went

solomon: 🧍

raphael: 👁️ ⬜️⬜️

simeon: ??????

solomon was acting like an old man, simeon begged for help, but raphael went “i Do Not See, i'm busy staring at ... uh ... the wall”.

in the hard mode chapter for lesson 80, leviathan was summoned to the human realm by mc, who was with solomon, and since levi was dressed in a tsl outfit and wouldn't stop yelling in the middle of a train station, solomon went, “stfu rn you cringe ass” (reality: “okay, i get it. could you quiet down now?” and the reason why this is so funny was because he had the ( ^^;;) look before putting on a blank face once he heard levi's explanation and went 😑). eventually, he and mc took leviathan to a book signing for simeon's newest tsl edition. and i just ... ended up crying tbh because why the fuck did all of simeon's character development go into the HARD MODE CHAPTER OF LESSON 80???

it was so beautifully well done imo and simeon spoke very vulnerably about how he took up writing as a way to cope with the loss of lucifer and his brothers, and how he is now accepting of them and himself and i think that finally, after all of the avoidance lucifer has done in relation to the shared trauma he has with simeon (and due to simeon's ignorance of not entirely understanding their situation at the time), i think they'll be ready to finally confront each other so im crossing my fingers that s-lmare will not fuck this up like the obm fandom does everyday

anyways, super glad that you think back to what i mentioned about bird song and dolasach :,)) and hopefully, my new response will help you become inspired, too!

Honestly after seeing the Wedding Event's proposals I'm like... Well idk what's going to top this in terms of romance anymore? (and then Satan's 2021 bday UR showed up and murdered me with private proposal at the end sdfhgkjhg)

Definitely couldn't get over Mammon's proposal, but like... More because it's fun and cringey then thinking it's cute skhjdg can't believe he managed to get the Purgatory Boys to join him 😭

Also??? Insane??? And more than a year ago??? Nonnie you're killing me, who are you!! ;A; Also you've been lurking on my blog for that long?? I honestly think I'm pretty insufferable but I'm glad I didn't get that treatment from you >.<

Does VIP make it easier to level up the intimacy? Iirc it just doubles the XP you gain from doing dance battles and doubles the chances of getting drops from the Jobs but nothing about the intimacy...? Can't get RedxRed Apple Pies from the jobs anymore anyway, we get the stuff the side boys like + the stuff that I'm assuming will be for the newbies once they're dateable too

nkjkbfgb I guess that kind of adds to my theory that the devs don't really do any long term planning even when it comes to major decisions like that? Because I feel like they'd have celebrated Solomon's birthday with a proper event if they did since he was already an Intimacy Uppable character by then, even if it was like, a few days after...

shfjdfg Tbh I only have levels with Diavolo because he's one of the only Gluttony cards I've got... If it were up to me I really wouldn't have levels with him hkjdfg he's interesting as a character but I don't like him, personally. Same as you, I find him really annoying in S4 and like... Idk? He purposely says and does some of the most infuriating things both in main story and in events >.> I often think about how during the part in S2 where he tries to comfort MC after telling them about the effects + possible options for severing the ring, Dola would not let him anywhere near her and would never let him hug her the way he got to hug canon MC.

Like why would she find comfort in the guy who's caused her all this trouble?

And sdjhkgdhjfg Fuck S4 for leaving all that in hard mode?? After all the pointless bullshit we had to deal with, we get the good shit like Simeon opening up like that trapped in hard mode when it should've been in Lesson 80 itself? I think hard mode should be for bonus fleshing out snippets like sneak peeks into life at Purgatory Hall like the scene with them you described, and for bites of foreshadowing... Characterization like that being locked there is so :/

Tbh I'm not even going to try and hope for anything in S5 anymore lmao I'm going to keep my expectations to rock bottom so that I don't get burned like I did with S4. I genuinely thought that the reason why we had S3 be more on character development (or attempts at it, in some cases) was because we'd have something more plot heavy once we got S4, especially with everything they were dropping and hinting at with the Celestial Realm and with something major going on with Simeon. Plus I thought that MC being an official registered sorcerer would be of more interest than it did?

So idk. Solmare has the ability to write well, but will they actually do it should they decide to have Simeon and Lucifer have a proper conversation? Or will they let me down the same way they did with almost the entirety of S4?

And ofc!! I have nights when I just lay down and listen to the Spotify playlist you sent just thinking about Dola and planning things out >.< Insane really...

#chat & colloquy #🐳 nonnie!! #getting to these slowly >.< i woke up feeling great with a clear mind hehe

[pray4byron]

okay i know i said i was going to sleep but my possibly pink eyed-eye is bugging me so much to the point where i just can’t so i’m gonna do this cause this has been rattling my brain and i’m very eager to know haha

although, yes, i match YOU guys up with hazbin characters, but i can’t help but wonder… who would YOU guys pair ME with? 👀

this is in an experiment and i’m dying to know so i hope to fucking god this post doesn’t flop haha

also take this as a meet the guy behind the blog kinda deal lol, a more in-depth ‘about me’ if you will

anywho, yeah i’ll describe myself and shit haha, you guys already know my name, i’m mio! i use she/he pronouns and to be honest i’m not too sure what my gender is, kinda flip flopping around with labels atm, but as of late i’m not too into labeling my gender haha, i’m closeted at the moment and usually flip flop my gender expression between very feminine and masculine appearances depending on who’s around, i’m bisexual, i have a preference in gender but have no fucking clue what it is yet haha

as for personality, most irl people ik would describe me as a total black cat, im lowkey a bit grouchy and tired and i have a tendency to bitch haha but my blog kinda takes that side of me and chucks it out the window haha

most describe me as mature for my age, some say i have a wide vocabulary but im not sure lol. im not a massive judge of character, especially my own, but i do know i am extremely empathetic. i wanna be a psychologist when im older so feelings are kinda-sorta my jam lol.

in relationships, i have a tendency to communicate a lot of how i feel, just cause i can’t stfu and i feel it’s the respectful thing to do. like i wish i could be one of those cool, hot mystery people but i cannot for the life of me stop talking so…

also!! as much as i’m a massive black cat around most, the moment i have a partner that kinda flips, i’m all over the place. i’m a massive golden retriever/sunshine kinda girl the moment i have a partner.

my love languages are words of affirmations and physical touch (receiving), as for me, actions are so hard to decipher i end up needing to just hear it — also i’m big on praise lol so i just need to hear that you’re not mad and i’m doing everything just fine haha

appearance though, i’m on the shorter side (4’9 or 4’10, unsure as of late haha), i have circular glasses with thin, black frames that are almost always surviving by mere glasses tape (they get broken a lot from sports lol), i have slightly tan skin, and black hair with brown/caramel highlights that goes to about my chest, and it usually gets tied up and pulled into a hood when i’m presenting masc haha, i have brown eyes, and i’m very flat XD not even slightly curvy lol

my style though is so basic 😭😭 when presenting fem, it’s like one of those popular middle school girls it’s not even funny, like the uggs with the nike socks over the leggings and a nike sweatshirt or some shit (i know im boring, shush) but when presenting masc i tend to be in a hoodie (with the hood up) with shorts that go to above the knee or just plaid pajama bottoms with like converse or air forces, but every once in awhile i’ve dress a bit alt like with ripped jeans and fishnets w/ doc martins and a band tee — but rarely haha cuz im too lazy

anywho, that’s me!! i’m very interested to see the pairings for this :)

#mio’s matchups ! ☆ #mio’s yapping ! ☆ #hazbin hotel

[catboy-lover-archive]

Gen Z MC in the House of Lamentation

Belphie: You are SO annoying

MC: If you don't like me then kill me. If you ain't gonna do that then stfu

Belphie: ...fair enough

-

Simeon: Ah, there's a bug in the kitchen!

MC: Ha, that's Carlos.

Solomon: No, that's Samanta dummy.

MC: My apologies

Simeon:

-

MC: Spain. But the S is silent...

Solomon: No king! Don't cry! Your meat is huge and tits immaculate!

Asmo: ...why are you like this

-

Lucifer: Hey, Mc? Can you help me with-

MC: ARRRBARKGRUUGFHHERGG RRRBARKBARKWOOF AAAAAAGRRRRRRBARK BARKBARKBBBRRRAKWOOF

Lucifer, terrified: I'll take this as a no

-

Simeon: Aren't you a Christian MC?

MC: lmaoooo no, the God fandom is so toxic

Simeon, trying not to snap: :)

-

MC: *sees Diavolo* I mean, I'm not a slut but who knows?

Lucifer: DON'T

-

Belphie: *does something stupid*

MC: Guurl get back in da basement before I pull a Sangwoo

Belphie: Who the fuck is Sangwoo?

part one - part two - part three - part four

#im having too much fun with these #:))) #TELL ME IF U WANT MORE!!!! #obey me #obey me swd #obey me incorrect quotes #obey me quotes #obey me mc #obey me memes #mc #obey me meme #obey me headcanons #obey me shall we date

[saeyoungchoismaid]

The Brothers on their Wedding Day hcs

Fandom: Obey Me! Genre: fluff that will make your teeth rot Warnings: none A/N: Idk how demons getting married would work?? Cause ya know you need a priest and normally they’re held at churches an-

Lucifer:

you two probably hold your wedding at like a vineyard or smth that’s just as fancy and regal 

he’s not tearing up stfu Karen 

okay, but no, seriously, listen 

he does get just an itsy bitsy teeny tiny bit emotional 

I mean, you two have been together for so long 

you’ve been through so much 

and now you’re walking down the aisle towards him 

before the actual wedding, he plays it cool 

he proposes, prepares for the wedding, and throws his bachelor party all with startling calmness 

while he was getting dressed in his expensive suit though, his heart started racing 

you’re really the one for him 

he’s going to spend the rest of his life with you 

his stomach hurts

is he about to puke? 

nope

✨🦋just butterflies 🦋✨

despite your wishes, he buys the most expensive ring he can afford 

your eyes are watery by the time you reach him at the altar 

he grabs your hands tightly and takes a deep breath 

Diavolo, who is right behind him as his best man, of course, pats his shoulder to help calm him 

you both say your vows and his is short but very meaningful 

the kiss you share, you swear, has never been this passionate 

after the ceremony, everyone moves to get food and dance 

you two dance first, obviously, and he dances with more grace than you can ever hope to accomplish 

you two probably dance to My Girl by the Temptations or something else that’s old or classical 

he holds you close the entire night and refuses to let you go 

for your honeymoon, I think he’d take you somewhere fancy and refined like Paris, Italy, or Greece

Mammon: 

the ceremony is probably held at a casino cause c’mon you’d have to convince him otherwise if you didn’t want it to be there

cries like a lil bish baby but if you point it out, he’ll deny it with “nO, i JuSt gOt dUsT iN mY eYe.”

you’re just the love of his life and you look like you were sculpted just for him and and and 

yeah, he’s crying a lot 

you hug him when you reach him, getting emotional yourself from his crying 

“You look handsome,” you whisper before pulling away 

he can barely compliment you back with how choked up he is 

you best believe he’s been saving for the LONGEST time to be able to get you the nicest ring possible 

when you two reach your vows, you have to go first because he’s still trying to calm down 

he starts crying all over again when he hears your sweet words to him though 

100% has to take a break to calm down before continuing his

“You’re just a dumb human. I don’t know why my eyes are sweating.” 

“Mammon, you’re such an idiot. That’s going to be in the video,” one of his brothers recording your reception calls out to him which makes everyone else laugh 

the laughter helps to calms his sobbing jitters

he rushes through the rest of his vows just so he can kiss you 

his kiss is almost bruising but it’s enjoyable nonetheless 

he definitely steps on your toes while dancing but you always forgive him 

YALL DANCE TO LIKE BIG AND CHUNKY JUST FOR THE MEME OF IT FIEOGHQEIO

EVERYONE WOULD JUST SHAKE THEIR HEADS WHILE YOU TWO DROP IT LOW ON THE DANCE FLOOR BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

he’s the husband to cut the first slice with you before grabbing some of it just to smear it on your face

you two almost start a food war but luckily for the newlywed couple, Lucifer is there to stop you two 

you two playfully lick the smeared cake off of each other’s faces just to make everyone gag and groan 

you two high five each other before actually cleaning it off 

most of your wedding photos aren’t serious and you two are literally goofing off the entire time 

for the honeymoon, you’d just go to a lot of casinos, to be honest 

again, you’d have to convince him otherwise if you didn’t want it to be there

Levi: 

took this man eighty thousand years to finally propose not literally

he looked up how to do it, so it was super cheesy 

you loved it nonetheless 

your wedding is probably held at like an aquarium 

if it were up to him, he’d want you to wear Ruri-chan cosplay but with you in a wedding dress

his best man would probably be one of the cashiers from Akuzon lmao

he also cries like a lil bish baby when you walk down the aisle (he full-on sobs if you actually wear the cosplay)

y’all have to take a break for him to calm down 

when he’s finally calmed down, you continue with the ceremony 

his vows are mostly meme quotes, inside jokes, and whatnot but you best believe it’s meaningful and heartfelt 

your ring would be simple but on the inside of the band would be like an inside joke between you two 

he blushes the darkest shade of red possible when you two have to kiss in front of everyone 

YOUR FIRST DANCE IS SOUNDS OF SILENCE PLEASE BAHAHAHAHHA

I’m sorry 

your honeymoon would be in a place like Japan, Singapore, or anywhere with Ruri-chan merch lmao 

Satan:

Your ceremony is held at the NY Public Library period and yes this is a real thing oh my god

HES SO RED 

he watches you walk down the aisle and his face just gets SO DARK BRO 

his hands shake a bit when he holds yours and stares deeply into your eyes 

I feel like Solomon would be his best man just so one of his brothers don’t get to be it lmao

he stutters a little when he says his vows, wanting to hurry up and wrap this part up before he starts getting emotional 

after you two share a loving kiss, you move to go cut the cake and whatnot 

the first dance song is probably like Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis or smth 

you two hired a professional to choreograph your dance so y’all absolutely slay on the dance floor 

his brothers tease him CONSTANTLY when you two are done dancing 

he just wants to keep dancing with you though. You’re his for as long as you both shall live

you’re all his 

and his alone 

your wedding pics turn out GORGEOUS like wtf look at how good you both look 

your honeymoon takes place in somewhere with lots of culture like Indonesia, Argentina, Colombia, or something like that (y’all will definitely go to a cat café btw)

Asmo: 

cries over how beautiful he is 

I mean, you look great too 

but it’s mostly him 

he probably has Solomon or someone who just isn’t one of his brothers as his best man lmao

you best believe he’s going to have a beach wedding 

he’ll want to go swimming as soon as you share your kiss

but you remind him that you have cake to eat and need to share your first dance 

y’all honestly probably dance to Careless Whisper 

after him begging you over and over and over again, you finally relent and agree to go swimming 

you two both have swimsuits on underneath your wedding getup 

also you both are wearing white swimsuits 

Asmo would be extra and have his bedazzled 

you and your guests spend hours splashing around in the water, even when it’s dark 

you eventually get out when you all get tired of splashing around 

then, he starts begging to leave so you two can make babies go on your honeymoon 

your honeymoon would also be on a beach somewhere

what can he say? He likes seeing you in a bathing suit 

so, your honeymoon would be in a place like Fiji, Hawaii, or Bora Bora 

please bring lots and lots and lots of condoms 

Beel:

your wedding would probably be held somewhere super cool and adventurous like on top of a mountain or something and yes this is actually a thing and it’s super sick

that or it’s literally in his backyard or at a restaurant LMAO

this man loves you with his whole being and wouldn’t hesitate to die for you 

so you BEST believe that he would cry as you’re walking down the aisle 

I KID YOU NOT MY EYES ARE WATERING RN JUST THINKING ABOUT THIS I-

ahem 

anyways 

he holds your hands SO TIGHTLY and refuses to loosen up his grip 

his vows are so sincere and loving

this man ain’t goin anywhere 

he kisses you so softly and gently, almost as if he’s afraid you’ll break under his touch 

after that, you two immediately head for the buffet table 

I stg the buffet table is like a mile long just to be able to feed him and your guests 

when everyone’s had their fill, you two get to have your first dance 

your first dance song would probably be something super slow and sweet like All of Me by Billie Holiday 

your honeymoon would be somewhere with good food, exotic, and adventurous like in Costa Rica, Guatemala, or Madagascar 

Belphie:

your wedding is held in a cow field or pasture PERIOD

lmao jk jk...unless...? 

no but seriously

he would let you plan everything cause if it were up to him, he’d just marry you in a courthouse or something and get it over and done with lmao

to everyone else, he just seems lazy or that he doesn’t care about you but in actuality, he’s impatient and wants to call you his for the rest of his life already

cowboy Belphie’s wedding is held outdoors in like an empty field, valley, or something along those lines 

there would be like a mountain or something just as cool in the background 

his vows are short but meaningful 

he can’t wait to eat the cake this man has a sweet tooth you can’t convince me otherwise 

your first dance would be super slow cause he’s probably half-asleep on your shoulder while you two dance 

country boy Belphie would probably dance to like idk When You Got a Good Thing by Lady Antebellum

has to take a nap while you tend to all of your guests and thank them for coming 

your honeymoon would be somewhere super isolated so he can sleep in peace

so, places like Secret Bay in the West Indies, a cabin in the middle of nowhere, or literally just a hotel that’s away from his brothers lmao

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[softluci]

aggressive affection (round two!)

[ part two of this, with the now dateables. guess which one(s) i have a crush on—i am actually so embarrassed because i'm getting shy trying to write this, but it's a must that i put this into the universe. if you want to read this first, rather than the one with the brothers, here is the preface: ] 

i’m not sure if this is something unique to younger people, but i am one hundred percent sure that younger people do it a lot, just going off of the behavior of my friends and i. (i’m gonna tell you now that this isn’t entirely sfw, so minors dni please and thank u)

but i’ve found that it’s pretty common for friends to be, like, aggressively affectionate with one another, for lack of a better phrase. if not aggressively affectionate, then just really flirtatious, often for no reason, and it is still meant entirely in a platonic sense. some examples of this that i have experienced include, but are not limited to:

“i’m gonna eat you,” “do u wanna make out,” “just remember, no matter WHAT happens, i will ALWAYS wanna make out with you,”  “i have literally wanted to fuck all of you at some point,” “let’s have sex,” “stfu before i kiss you,” [points to lap] “is this seat taken?” “every day i’m like, ‘wow, [name] is so cool, we should make out,’” and so on and so forth. 

so you can imagine the fun i’m about to have.

dia

you—why did you—look. 

dia is a very nice, social guy; very smiley, you guys get along great, that's great! 

he is still very much a demon (the prince of them, in fact)  and very much not one of your friends from the human world, no matter how much he wants you to treat him as such. 

you should've known better. 

he'd invited you to the castle for tea and a nice chat—a regular occurrence between the two of you so that he could see how you were doing, how the program was going, talk about lucifer, play catch up; nothing out of the ordinary. 

he complimented you on your performance thus far, telling you about how well you've done—which was just standard kindness—so would you like to explain to the class why your immediate response was, “so kiss me then,” ? 

he was totally fine with it, but he was also very confused, so it was only fair that he pulled you into his lap to get a better understanding of what you meant. if you do the math, it adds up, i swear. 

luckily, you don’t even have to explain yourself with this one because it seems like he already knows. this is good because, given his proximity to you at that moment, you wouldn’t have done a good job explaining yourself anyway. 

“is this how you talk to your human friends?” 

it was a simple question, with a simple answer, it’s just that you were nose-to-nose, and his eyes were hooded all of a sudden and his hand was cupping the side of your face so, naturally, you had some difficulty forming words—fortunately, you managed to nod instead of embarrassing yourself by trying to talk. 

“and do they ever do what you ask?” 

again, it would’ve been foolish of you to try and speak, so you just shook your head. you were doing a surprisingly nice job of maintaining your dignity, well done! this is nice compensation for the fact that you seemed to forget you were dealing with the demon of demons, but he was kind enough to remind you—

“well, i’m not one of them, so i’ll do as you say. you don’t mind, right?” 

do you have a saving grace with this man? meh. he doesn’t want to do anything in front of the others, but he can literally go somewhere private with you under the guise of wanting to talk. it’s not like anyone is gonna tell him he can’t. 

barbatos

you don’t make any sense. you watched black butler know that he’s the scariest person in the devildom, why did you think you could do this? he might be a menace not too far underneath that professional exterior, but that doesn’t mean you have to fuck around and find out. or maybe that’s exactly what that means. 

all he did was bring you tea. he saw you sitting in the castle’s library doing schoolwork—dia offered to let you study there to enjoy some quiet that you wouldn’t have gotten at the house, and because you aren’t one to forgo such a kind gesture, you accepted. 

he set it down on the table in front of you, much to your surprise. 

“oh, thank you! you really didn’t have to,” you said, looking up at him from your seat. 

“nonsense,” he started, smiling softly, “you’ve been working hard.”

you, for whatever reason, took this as an opportunity to pretend barbatos was one of your human friends. 

“you shouldn’t say that unless—” 

that’s all he let you say. what you were going to say was, “you shouldn’t say that unless you plan on making out with me.” trouble was, he already knew that. you must have forgotten who you were talking to. 

before you could finish, his hand was under your chin, and his other hand was resting on the arm of your chair, effectively caging you in, and effectively keeping you from looking away. 

his smile went from benevolent to teasing meaning you got the menace you wanted, as he asked,“unless what?” 

he took more joy in your flustered state than he would care to admit, but he’d recently learned that you had an affinity for trying to catch people off guard, so he thought it was more than fair to do the same to you—as a treat, for him. 

that said, it’s no surprise that you had to endure relentless teasing, him asking you what you wanted from him, why you were so shy all of a sudden, telling you not to be shy and that he wouldn’t bite, unless you asked nicely. what? he liked how warm your face made his hand. 

“what’s wrong? don’t you want to kiss me?” 

okay. that was the last straw. you never even hinted that you didn’t wanna kiss this man, and here he was, making assumptions about you as a person. 

you, in your infinite confidence and assertive nature, said, “i—i never said i didn’t want to.” 

and you know what, you really showed him because even though he laughed at you, even though he made a show of taking off his gloves, even though his hand moved from the arm of the chair to your thigh—even though he took every necessary step to remind you that he was in control, you still got what you wanted. and then some. 

your only saving grace with him is the fact that he breathes professionalism and he’s always busy. when he isn’t busy, however. well. 

simeon

you goddamn heathen. oh, you fucking freak. simeon has a reputation to uphold, you can’t treat him like one of your heathen little human friends, which means you can’t just say whatever pops into your head when you’re talking to him, which means—you should really learn to take compliments normally. 

simeon is a nice guy, and he likes you a lot, so it only makes sense that he compliments you whenever he can. in other words, he dishes out anywhere from one to four compliments whenever the two of you are together. he can’t help it, he just thinks you’re neat! 

the fact remains that you chose to be a menace to the angelic persona he is supposed to project at all times. 

it was a simple compliment. he enjoyed spending time with you, and he told you so, just telling you that your presence was a pleasant one. 

your response was actually normal—it was a simple, “i like being around you too!” 

in a way, this is simeon’s fault, if you think about it. he could’ve just said, “thank you,” and kept it pushing, but instead, he said, “really?”

why would he think you didn’t like being around him? that was unacceptable, so, really, what choice did you have but to give him the most solid affirmation he would ever hear? 

“of course! every day, i’m like, ‘wow, simeon is so cool, we should make out,’ you know?”

what you were expecting was for him to blush and laugh it off, call you silly, and maybe pat your head for good measure. that was a reasonable thing to expect, albeit that is not even close to what you got. 

since you were being so casual, simeon figured that he could—that he should—do the same. it was only natural that he stop being a model angel for a little while, right? 

oh, don’t look so flustered, it’s not like you’ve never been backed against a wall before. how many times has a demon done this to you? it’s only fair that an angel gets a turn. 

“actually,” he started, lips already brushing against yours as he spoke. “i don’t know. would you mind showing me?” 

if you are, understandably, too flustered to function, he will gladly make the first move, don’t worry, but if his first move happens to be taking your bottom lip between his teeth instead of kissing you, well… there’s not much you’re going to be able to do about it, so you may as well just enjoy. 

i mean, you tempt an angel, and you get what’s coming to you—that’s all there is to it. 

similar to barbatos, you will only be safe from this man when he’s in public or around a few of the others. if you’re alone with him and in private, he’s already under the impression that he doesn’t have to be an angel with you, so find joy in the side of him you’ve uncovered. 

solomon (derogatory)

you two deserve each other, really. both of you are public enemies. he was just as terrible as your friends from back home, except he was always walking the line like a tightrope. he was always on the verge of making his teasing into a reality, and to be quite frank, you were starting to get fed up—and you were right to be. but this is what you get for being a dirty solomon enjoyer. 

all of his empty threats and demands about kissing you, his lingering touches on your lower back or waist or thighs, his dumb little smirks on his dumb little face, his occasional bites wherever you were vulnerable, his habit of putting his hand around your throat for fun (or so he says)—those all came with the territory. he hasn’t had a friend to tease in ages (he can’t do it to asmo without it immediately turning into an hour long event), so you get it all at once, congratulations! 

don’t look so upset, he’s an attractive guy, so this is still a win. 

now, all of that said, you were hard pressed to find an opportunity to catch this man off guard, but once you got your chance, you latched onto it exactly as you should’ve. 

the two of you were in his room, studying (“studying”) for an upcoming exam. he was sitting in a chair, and you were on his bed a few feet away. you needed something from your bag, which was on the side of his chair farthest from you, so you decided to walk by him to get it, like a normal person. look at you, acting regular for once.

evidently, that was a mistake. as soon as you were in front of him, his hand was on your waist, and you were pulled into his lap. 

you turned to look at him, eyebrows raised and everything, and he seemed to have an explanation ready to go, paired with one of his signature smiles.

“i was wondering when i’d get to bother you again.” 

this was your chance—probably the only chance you’d get in a while, so it made sense that you took this opportunity to be heinous, even though you were in a rather compromising position. 

“either sleep with me or leave me alone.”

you did it. for a moment, you had him. the surprise plastered on his face was enough gratification to last you a lifetime, however fleeting it may have been. unfortunately for you, he had a wonderful recovery time. 

before you could fully enjoy the look on his face, it was gone, replaced by a more sinister expression that almost made you regret your decision. 

for what it’s worth, you didn’t have to see that menacing look of his for long because he turned you away from him to press your back into his chest. if that makes you feel any better. 

“i’ll never leave you alone,” he hummed, teeth already grazing your neck. his hand moved from your waist to your inner thigh, slowly separating one leg from the other. “but you already knew that.” 

you didn’t have a saving grace with this man before, and now you never will.

#COME GET YALL JUICE! #i acc considered doing an sfw platonic ver with luke as a bonus but then i got tired #also didn't want anyone to see his name and freak #anyway #it's acc not funny how shy i got writing this BYE #how do people write smut omg #literal gods good lord #obey me #obey me! #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me dia #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #obey me solomon #obey me undateables

[katies-bookshelf-blog]

Lucifer: For the sake of other things in my life I should try to make it work with dad.

Maze: oh is that her new nickname? “Other things?”

Lucifer: stfu so help me...

#deckerstar #lucifer #lucifer on netflix

[carbonated-chicken-broth]

Riddles and Body Bleach || Lucifer x Reader

Love Luci. This is actually an older one I’ve got posted on wATtPaD but since I abandoned the site, I figured I’d post it here to try and maintain some semblance of productivity. 

Pairing(s): Lucifer/Reader, Dean/Cas, Sam/no one (poooooor Sammeh)

Category: Crack

Reader Gender: Female

Warnings: Uhhhhh mild implications? Nothing major. Also naughty language, but again, nothing too too bad. Also it’s a crackfic so...I mean, I hope it’s funny? I’m doin’ my best, I swear.

Word Count: 1,100+

Sam has created a chat

Sam has added Dean, Castiel, (Y/N)

Sam: Guys

Sam: Guys guess what

(Y/N): Did you get anywhere on the research?

Dean: Yeah we're not finding anything useful

Sam: No but I found something better

Castiel: What is it, Sam?

Dean: hold on

Dean has changed 'Castiel' to 'Cas'

Dean: it was making me uncomfortable. carry on

Sam: Guys

(Y/N): What

Sam: Riddles

Dean: ...

Dean: . . .

Dean: Sam ppl r literally dying as we speak wtf

Sam: Dean ppl r dying literally whenever we speak and we have no leads just let me have this

(Y/N): are they.........are they good riddles

Sam: .........yus

(Y/N): gimme

Sam: What can you take from a man who has nothing?

Dean: *takes your laptop*

(Y/N): *takes your 2-in-1 shampoo/hair conditioner*

Sam: You already do that

Lucifer has joined the chat

Lucifer: *takes your soul*

Dean: TOO FAR

Sam: ...

Lucifer: Hiya Sammy

Lucifer: Deano

Lucifer: Cassie

Lucifer: (Y/N) 🖤 

(Y/N): 🖤

Sam: ...

Sam: bitch

Dean: someone say jerk before the universe collapses

Cas: Why would the universe collapse unless someone says 'jerk?'

Cas: Dean?

Cas: You're such a child.

Cas: Jerk.

Dean: thank you

Lucifer: (Y/N) why does sammeh hate meeeee

(Y/N): Hmmmmmmmmidk

Sam: oH YOU WANNA KNOW WHAT YOU DID?? I'LL TELL YOU WHAT YOU DID!!

Lucifer has been disconnected

Sam: serves him the fuck right. thirstyass ho

Castiel: ???

Sam: The answer is his virginity

Castiel: ?!?!?!

Dean: smooth transition there

Sam: Shut up

(Y/N): Wait but like,,,,,,,how

Sam: If he has nothing, then he doesn't have sex

Cas: That is a paradox.

Sam: Stfu

Cas: What does that mean?

Dean: don't worry about it

(Y/N): Hey Sam remember that job we were working? That job that saves peoples lives? That job?

Sam: Fine

Lucifer has joined the chat

Lucifer: the wifi down here is no bueno

Sam: Leave

Sam: You are not welcome here

Dean: got'em

Cas: The lingo here is very strange. It is as if the laws of grammar and spelling do not apply. I shall document my findings.

Dean: never say lingo again

Sam: The power of Christ compels you to gtfo

Lucifer: (Y/N) Sam's being a big meanie help

Lucifer: (Y/NNNNNN)

Lucifer: halp meh pls

Lucifer: dark princess most amorous where u go

Sam: You're too late. She can't hear you now

Lucifer: wHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY LOVE

Dean: you'll never know

Cas: Sam stole (Y/N)'s phone.

Dean: CAS

Cas: She is in the process of getting it back. Sam is too tall. She cannot reach.

Lucifer: give her baaaaaaack

Lucifer: wait

Lucifer: is she jumping?

Dean: why

Lucifer: I like it when she jumps. dad bless gravity...

Cas: She is jumping.

Dean: dude that's so weird that's not even a kink stop

Lucifer: 😈

(Y/N): Ha she left her phone open

(Y/N): I'm gonna scroll through her camera roll

Lucifer: sam I swear to dad you stay out of that daddamn camera roll for your own safety as much as ours

Lucifer: and give my princess back her phone

(Y/N): ha ha no

Dean: sam don't do it

Cas: This all sounds very inadvisable.

(Y/N): I'm gonna do it

Sam: bitch I will cut you

(Y/N): It's too late. I'm gonna open the app

Lucifer: princess?

Sam: Yeah. Daddy Longlegs left his phone on the table

Lucifer: dont call him that.

Dean: how did you get into it tho?

Sam: Really easily actually. His password's 327&/!;7,@@2?92$hsitvskfgh

Lucifer: PRINCESS?

Sam: Take back your tainted device you foul woman

Lucifer: yes return my bb

Dean: Sam explain

(Y/N): babe hi

Lucifer: 💖

(Y/N): 💖

Sam: you two are gross

Lucifer: 👿

(Y/N): our pictures r cute what r u talking about

Dean: sem explen

Cas: Please do not explain, Sam.

Sam: I need to bleach my entire body

Lucifer: do it

Dean: Sammy pleeeeease?

Sam has sent Dean a private message

Dean has left the chat

(Y/N): oh shit he's running

Dean has joined the chat

Dean: WHAT FHE FUCK MAN RHATS UNNATURAL (Y/N) ARE YOU OKAY DOESNT THAT HURT??!?!!??

Dean has left the chat

Cas: One could even say...Supernatural.

(Y/N): Leave

Cas has left the chat

(Y/N): no wait Cas

Lucifer: I would never hurt my princess!

Lucifer: Unless she wants me to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sam: pls no

(Y/N): pls yes

Cas has joined the chat

Cas: What is 'pls?'

Sam: Please

Cas: Please what?

Sam: ...

Sam: nvm

Cas: ???

Sam: Never mind.

(Y/N): give up

Cas: I am very confused.

Sam: pls = please

Cas: I see. I will remember that.

Lucifer: hey (Y/N)

(Y/N): Yes love of my life?

Lucifer: if there were a cute police they'd shoot you on sight for being so darn adorable

(Y/N): Aw babe ily

Lucifer: ily2

Cas: I do not understand.

Sam: Perhaps it's best if it stays that way

Sam: Also (Y/N) I'm worried for your safety

Lucifer: sam if there were a cute police they'd hit you with their car but not because you're cute just because they want you to not be alive

Sam: why tho

Lucifer: my bb is safe and sound

Cas: Your compliments all end in her dying. That is not healthy.

Lucifer: false

(Y/N): He has a point, babe

Lucifer: aw babe im sorry

(Y/N): it's okay apology accepted

Sam: i hate both of you so much

Lucifer: Awwww Sammy doesn't loooove uuuuuus?

(Y/N): I don't think he dooooooes

Sam: Fuck yourseeeeeelves

Cas: What a fascinating interaction.

(Y/N): Seriously tho we should really get to work. And get Dean

Cas: I will go find him. He ran off in the direction of the laundry room. I'm worried for him.

Lucifer: Destiel?????

Cas: No, my name is Castiel.

Sam: right over his head

Lucifer: i noticed

Cas: why are we talking like this?

(Y/N): Dean must be really worrying right now out in a room far away on his own. Cas, go find him.

Cas: That is a good idea. I'll go do that.

Cas has left the chat

Lucifer: that's not the only thing he's gonna go do

Lucifer: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Sam has left the chat

(Y/N): You've scared him away

Lucifer: I tend to have that affect

(Y/N): I wonder what could have inspired it

Lucifer: Haven't the faintest

(Y/N): I imagine so

(Y/N): Anyway I gtg work so...

Lucifer: But I wanna seeeee youuuu

Lucifer: Take the warding downnnnn

Lucifer: pleeeeeeease?

(Y/N): ...

(Y/N): give me five minutes

(Y/N) has left the chat

Lucifer: 😈 

Lucifer has left the chat

I have other ideas for fics like this buuuuut whether or not I’ll write ‘em is hard to predict. But yeah, that’s the stuff! Thanks for readin’!

#Lucifer x reader #supernatural fanfic #spn fanfic #Lucifer (spn) x reader #my-weirdassart-fandomtrash #i need to change my username #but i'm too afraid #tell me if you laughed? #or don't i mean it's up to you #have a good day!

[tatyneedshalp]

Get to know me again tag~

pintura i got a lot to write

Nickname- puta, taty, and monga. pick ur poison

Gender- born with a puh so i identify with my puh

Zodiac- mrorw im a leo ;)

Height- 5,3 cuhz yeet

Age- 18 i turn 19 in a month and 7 days

Time- 9:17 p.m. its ok

Favorite Bands/Solo Artists- figure it out.i like a lot of things i dont have time for this.

Song stuck in my head ~ I dont wanna say it butits between Sanctuary by Joji and Stockholm Syndrome by one direction. aye stfu their shit was getting better once zayn was about to leave the group im just sayin

Last movie i saw~ Fuck if i remember

Last Thing i Googled~ The best buy website. ima...ima make a huge purchase this week...or tmmrw

Other blog- Its just me fam....i have nothing else to live for

Do i get asks- Send me more plz bother me i want attention. I get em from my senpai @snakuchan great gal she tries me but outta love. plz support minhyuk x caca chan

Why I chose my username~ because i need help

Following- it feels like 30 to 40 ppl i probs have like 350 but i dont check

Average amount of sleep~ During work days i’d say 7 to 6 and when i have no work its at least 8 to 10

Lucky Number- 3 cuhz codename kids next door.

What am I wearing- Pajamas that are literally breaking apart but its comfy n soft i care not how i look for sleep

Dream job- Being got7s hoe. Idk yet i have no dreams ill figure it out

Dream trip- The underworld. i heard hades is super tsundere uwu. 

Favorite food- None food is food. its great i have no preference just dont give me shit either

Favorite Song- PFFT fuck if ik. i dont have a fave i just enjoy a lot of music

Hair color- Black like dis dildo. 

Eye color- The darkest shade of brown ever if u shine a light on it without the flashlight burning my cornea itll just seem black

Most Iconic Song- I love mirotic fuck....im still going with Shinee’s Lucifer

Languages you speak- English and Spanish. cuz yeah im hispanic in america

Random Fact- All my got7 albums always have gave me a fukn jaebum and mark card and im fukn tired of it. JAEBUM U BIAS WRECKER LOOKIN ASS U BEST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!! CUNT. he needa hop off. love him tho~ but he still aint the bias or wuteverrrr

Describe urself as an aesthetic- Glittery bathbombs in water, drippin gold, literally the golden hour time, white lace curtains with the view of the beach behind them, that calm serene feeling u get wen it starts to pour outside, anything luxurious, the sound heels make on marble floors, and let’s say the feeling you get when you’re having so much fun that it feels like time stops.

Im fun~ 

#my senpai #minheck x caca chan #me #mood #ow

[shirtlesssammy]

8x21: The Great Escapist

Well, we made it, guys. This is the last Ben Edlund recap! Thanks for reading along!

Then:

Cas is on the run, Sam is in bad shape after the second demon trial, and Kevin is really broken. Good times all around!

Now:

Sam and Dean interrupt Kevin’s slow slide into death with the second part of the demon tablet! They ask if they should reunite it with the other half, but Kevin has all that he needs and sets to working on the translation immediately.

Sam and Dean take off, and once free of the houseboat, transform into demon minion #1 and #2. Ah, Crowley is playing director to get the ins on what the real Sam and Dean are up to --the three trials to close the gates of Hell.

Meanwhile, at the bunker, the real Sam looks like he could commiserate with Kevin a little. Yeesh. Dean is in full Mother Hen mode, making Sam special soup (The John Winchester Cure-all Kitchen Sink Stew, so it’s loaded with guilt, grief--and Dean probably made it up himself since he was Sam’s primary caretaker growing up anyway.)

The boys argue about what the trials are doing to Sam before they get an email from Kevin. It’s a video message. Kevin made an auto-send video in the event of his death --yeah, something’s not right. He included all his notes in the email as a parting gift.

Cas is on the lam, drinking coffee and doling out fun facts to Biggerson’s waitresses.

His coffee cup rattles and Cas notes, “They're getting closer.” And in a blink, he’s gone. (Ah, he still has his wings. Sigh, for never having seen them, I miss his wings.)

Angels are tracking Cas, but can’t quite catch him. One reports back to Naomi with their ill luck. It seems that Cas is staying one step ahead of the angels by zapping in and out of various Biggerson’s all over the country. They’re all the same, and they’re legion.

Back at the bunker, Sam notices a symbol that keeps popping up in Kevin’s notes. He remembers it from ONE class in college a bazillion years ago. (I know, I know, photographic memory, but man, I wouldn’t want that curse for anything.) Well, the petroglyph that Sam found translates to “messenger of God”, so Sam surmises they should find this messenger -Metatron. They can start in Colorado where the tribe this symbol originated is from.

The angels eventually catch up to Cas. Back at the first Biggerson’s, he finds blood on his table, and the waitress on the floor, eyes burned out, muttering “You have to stop.” Effectively creepy, show. An angel blade appears at Cas’s throat.

Sam and Dean make it to Colorado and check in at the motel. Sam’s not doing too well, guys.

At the Biggerson’s, Naomi appears, killing the waitress, and dropping some plot-fixing bombs on Castiel. I do love this for making it clear that Cas has been on Earth before the Winchesters, but because he came off the line with a crack in his chassis, and his mind was wiped so many times, he doesn’t remember. Naomi wants the angel tablet. Cas isn’t giving it up, so she order the angels to keep searching.

Kevin continues to work for Fake Sam and Dean. He ask for food a one point so they head out to get his grocery needs. (Ah, remember when Kevin was a vegan? I know he lives off of hot dogs in another episode as well, but it’s just so heartbreaking to see how far down the very bad path of prophethood he’s gone. I guess Chuck doesn’t count? But this show has been pretty consistent with how awful is it to be a prophet.)

Back at the hotel, delusional Sam recounts a story of the boys visiting the Grand Canyon that never happened (because it was established in a prior episode that they’d never been to the Grand Canyon.) Dean goes along but clearly the Kill Bill siren in his head is on full blast. He tells Sam to get some rest and heads to the hotel’s museum.

While at the museum, he learns about the sacred messenger, and how he wanted people to tell him stories. He also notices the front desk attendant in an old-timey picture. Hmmm.

Sam, meanwhile, has hit peak fever crisis, eventually calling Dean before passing out on the floor.

At Biggerson’s, Crowley and his ingenious angel-killing bullets arrive.

Sam wakes up in an ice bath. (Me: Pulls this blanket tighter around my shoulders.) He learns that Dean had to dunk him in ice because his fever had spiked up to 107. (Dude. Dean. Why did you submerge your brother completely? He’s not a fish.) Sam tells Dean that Metatron is in the hotel - he’s sure of it. He wildly tells Dean that he found a bunch of boxes of books in a hallway and that’s surely got to be the place where they’ll find Metatron.

Crowley, meanwhile, is extremely pleased with himself over his angel-killing bullets - made from a melted down angel blade. “I’m the daringest devil you’ve ever met,” he tells Naomi. Accurate. She gets her glow on but Crowley aims his pistol at her. Naomi flaps away and Crowley smirks at Castiel. He tells him that Ion the angel is on his payroll and then he shoots Cas in the stomach. NOT cool, bro.

Crowley zaps Cas to his office where they can speak uninterrupted. Cas insists that he’ll never reveal where he hid the tablet. But Crowley looks at him with a smile. “I was thinking to myself, ‘Self, if Cas got away from her by touching the tablet, why would he ever stop touching the tablet?’ And then I thought to myself, ‘Self... he hasn't stopped touching the tablet, now has he?’” Cas grimaces at him and then screams as Crowley plunges his hand through Castiel’s gut and fishes the angel tablet out of his body. (nooooo Cas bby) Crowley flaps away, tablet in hand, leaving Ion to guard Cas.

Back with Sam and Dean, Delirious!Sam rattles on down memory lane. He remembers that Dean used to read to him from a comic (me: weeps) and the story was about King Arthur and Sir Galahad. “I remember thinking,” Sam says, “that I could never go on a quest like that...because I’m not clean.” (me: weeping intensifies) He tells Dean that the trials are purifying him and cleaning the demon blood from his body. (me: gives up watching and just wails and combs through meta about Sam’s quest for purification)

Dean follows Sam through the hotel to the room where all the books were stacked. The door to the room is slightly ajar and they head inside. Towers of books fill the room.

A gun snicks and they stumble across...Metatron! He’s an older dude, short and squirrely, and he’s got a shotgun trained on them. They exchange words and learn that Metatron is still afraid of Michael and Lucifer. He...doesn’t get out much.

Back with our angel, Cas asks Ion why he’s betrayed Heaven. “We aren’t machines for them to program and reprogram. This wasn’t what it was meant to be,” Cas insists - ever the idealist. Ion, however, is of the opinion that they’re all just meaningless cogs in the cosmic machine. While Cas listens to Ion, he digs his fingers into his gut and drags out Crowley’s angel bullet. YIKES

On the prophet sound stage, Crowley breaks down the door and confronts Kevin. Kevin is chill, relaxed in front of his barbecue dinner. He tells Crowley that he grew suspicious the moment the fake Winchesters forgot the secret knock, but the kicker was when they got him a special dinner. “So…” puzzles out Crowley, “my demons were too polite?” Lol, yes, awesome.

Sam and Dean fill in Metatron on the fate of all the archangels when Sam asks if Metatron can turn down the horrible ringing. “Oh, you’re resonating,” Metatron says. He realizes that Sam is doing one of the trials. He’s resonating in the proximity of the word of God - or Metatron. Metatron reveals that God hired him to write a bunch of stuff down before he flapped off to nobody-knows-where. He loosens up, shotgun waving around, and begins to chat more freely.

Metatron tells them that when Heaven started to get shitty, he hid himself away and buried himself in stories. That is a legit life choice, I don’t care what anyone else says.

With Cas, Ion complains about getting “reset” by Heaven. It hurt him each time. Cas uses his distraction to attack, shoving that single bullet into Ion’s eye and killing him.

DAMN CAS.

Metatron, meanwhile, continues talking about the power and beauty of stories. Stories are the wonder of creation. “What you brought to his Earth, all the mayhem, the murder. Just the raw, wild invention of God's naked apes... it was mind-blowing. But really... really, it was your storytelling. That is the true flower of free will. At least as you've mastered it so far. When you create stories, you become gods, of tiny, intricate dimensions unto themselves. So many worlds! I have read... as much as it's possible for an angel to read, and I haven't caught up.” Yes GOOD.

Sam and Dean are tired of his little tirade, though, and tell him to stfu. Dean tells Metatron that the prophet Kevin has had a shitty time of it, no thanks to him. How’s that for a story?

Cut to Kevin who’s still taunting Crowley about the tablet and his failed ruse. Crowley loses patience and starts to choke Kevin when the room fills with a ringing sound and red light. Kevin gets zapped away and Crowley is left severely burned. Back at the hotel, Metatron looks down on Kevin - safe and sound - and then heals him. Yaaay!

Dean asks Metatron if he’ll join the fight to seal Hell. Well, Metatron says unhelpfully, it’s a choice isn’t it? They’re saved from further introspection by Kevin waking up. He pulls out the second half of the demon tablet and tells them he knows the last trial. It’s to cure a demon.

Driving back to the bunker, Dean shout-worries at Sam about the last trial. Suddenly, Dean sees a figure lying in the middle of the road and stops the car. It’s Cas! Cas looks up, teeth gritted, and asks grumpily, “A little help here?”

Ah, that’s our angel.

Quotes are the Wonder of Creation:

Keep your nose to the godstone.

Watch the patois in there. Your slang. Special K, nose to the God-stone, that's the way Dean speaks. Sam is... more basic, more sincere. Remember, I want two distinct, authentic characterizations.

Screw you! Screw God and everybody in between!

The folk tale’s true, by the way. You learned it from the goats.

You're not really supposed to say Indians…

I'm gonna follow the hotel manager, Dr. Scowley-scowly. He's like a villain from Scooby-Doo.

I got me an angel on the payroll. It's that kinda universe, these days.

In the words of a— good friend... bite me.

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#spn recap #spn rewatch #spn 8x21 #the great escapist #dean winchester #sam winchester #castiel #cas #crowley #abaddon #kevin tran #metatron #naomi #supernatural season 8 #he was my ben edlund thing

[soggy-pancakes]

🚨🚨SPOILER ALERT FOR S13🚨🚨 ((( Watching 13x02, "The Rising Son” )))

—•—•—•—•—•—

Me:I agree with the hot demon Me: WHO DA FOOK IS THAT Me: WHO?????? Me: oh sh*t Me: oH😳 Me: damn there really is a new sheriff in town Me: *gasp* they're becoming self-aware Me: but then again, sam tends to be the sensible one Me: ...lbecause youre lucifer Me: really😐 Me: WHAT WAS THAT Me: MARY?????!!!! Me: The Who? Me: So.....basically the Leviathans? Me: oh my gosh scooby doo😂 Me: THE PARALLELS GUYS THE PARALLELS remember Hunteri Heroici when cas was watching scooby doo, and he thought it was funny? Me: Real life-dad Dean Winchester Me: yeah, you could say that😂 Me: oh my gosh, God is his grandfather😂😂😂 Me: Great. Lying about his feelings. Already a Winchester. Me: ooooooh 👀 Me: Donetello?????? Me: "Sam, Dean? Is God with you?" Well, some days, it really doesn't seem like for them. Me: wait...what??? Me: ...Mr. Rodgers? Me: I know ain't he a hottie Me: woAH😳😳😳 Me: "It hurt." 😂😂 Me: What the heck is the second one Me: wHAT Me: Hello, mrs. homeless demon Me: (Cas:)"Don't like conflict" AGAIN. THE PARALLELS Me: Damn straight. Me: awww☺️ Me: w h a t 😳😳😳😳😳😳 Me: watch it be that demon guy disguised as Donetello Me: LET GO OF HER Me: YEAH LUCI Me: Just work with him here, Mary. Me: dude. Not cool. Me: Hell yeah. Me: Does anyone else feel like how Sam is describing what Jack is going through is what Sam himself went through in the first few seasons? Me: DID I CALL IT. I F*CKING DID😖😖 Me: holy shit. Anyone else think, "I'm batman"? Me: Jack, don't believe him!!!!!! Me: no shit, Sherlock. Me: NO. NO HE DONT. JACK NO. Me: NO STFU Me: NO NO DONT Me: great. fuuuuuuk Me: 😂😂😂 Me: what😂 Me: Michael??? Me: NO JACK NO Me: WHAT TF IS THAT Me: YES. Me: JACK DONT LISTEN TO HIM Me: thank you. He really does have good in him. Me: what happened to that guy😂😂 Me: did y'all see his face? Luci looked afraid. Me: ewwwwwwwwwwww😖😖😖 Me: wouldn't surprise me if Dean watches the Kardashians, too😐 Me: yeah, dean, he did. Me: WHAT THE FUCK (sorry) Me: Dammit, dean. I feel like Dean's taking out his grief and frustration on Jack, and it's not helping anyone.

**The "Next week on Supernatural..." Me: *GASP* MISSOURI!!!!!! JODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (And a wraith!!!!!!!)😱😱😱😱😱

#spn season 13 #spn #supernatural #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #jack #jack Kline #castiel #cas #spn 13x02 #the rising son #spn reaction post #THE PARALLELS GUYS #THE #FREAKING #PARALLELS #Donatello #mary winchester #lucifer #Missouri #Jody mills #wraith #I CANT WAIT