#<3 hate college and hate that i thought i could actually do math

[binniebakery]

lights off

College AU Bestfriend!Beomgyu x Gn!Reader .. not exactly fluff! kinda suggestive? ♡ Warnings: thunder? rain? ig being in the dark? my first time writing kissing .. my first time actually writing ANYTHING so it might be bad im so sorry guys ♡ A/N: this is my first little fic (if you could call it that)! i literally hate it but i think i got the point across LOLL regardless i hope someone will enjoy please lmk what you think <3 lowercase intended + not proofread ~

7:32 pm. sighing softly, you placed your phone that was softly playing your favorite tunes back down on the small table over your lap. you tapped your pencil on the table in frustration as you once again for the fifth time readjusted your legs on the bed of your best friend's bedroom. time was going by excruciatingly slow and it didnt help that this math problem was taking you a million years to solve. the sun had already set outside and heading back to your dorm seemed less favorable by the minute. hearing a soft shuffle from the other side of the room you looked up at your best friend. rain began to patter outside. looks like you'll be staying for longer than you intended. beomgyu, who had his deep-colored headphones on was moving his head to the music as he wrote down notes from his study guide. his hair softly wrapped around his features most attractively. you began to mentally trace the lines of his nose, his eyes… his lips.. the dim lighting of the room adding more charm to his aura. "y/n..? are you okay? i could feel you burning holes into my head." beomgyu said as he shook off his headphones to fully put his attention was on you. snapped out of your daze, you mentally kicked yourself as you felt embarrassment creep onto your cheeks. how long had you been staring at him for..? "sorry gyu. if i was staring i didnt mean to" you softly laughed, trying to seem nonchalant and cool about the situation. beomgyu, seeing your embarrassment, chuckled at your reaction. "youre okay, i know you look at me because im cute" he grinned and you rolled your eyes. "oh shut up! you know i was daydreaming. i cant focus on this assignment anyways, its too hard. i think im gonna just finish it tomorrow." you smiled as you threw a pillow at him. he was always cheeky when he had the opportunity. anything to see you react. "daydreaming? so you do think im cute?" he grinned wider after recovering from your pillow attack. you huffed and placed the table that was on your lap onto the ground. "you know youre so-.. ugh and what if i do think you're cute?! what would you even do about it, huh?" you retaliated as you sat on the edge of his bed, now fully facing him. you faked a pout as you were feeling a bit bolder than usual today. your homework giving you enough pent-up rage to have the energy to give in to his bickering.

"okay well i dont know how much truth there is to that but if you really meant that id probably kiss you." your eyes widened at his response. you see beomgyu's face turn into an unreadable expression. he hadnt realized you were only half joking and fully meant the compliment, but it was too late and by the time he caught wind that you were actually flustered he felt his stomach flip. even he was shocked by his own words. he slipped. had he said too much? after a few seconds of silence that felt like minutes. the rain outside seemed to get louder. his eyes finally met yours and you looked away. you felt your heart pounding at the thought of you saying too much. both of you overthinking the situation and awkwardness that you both never have had before taking place. you and beomgyu have never had an awkward moment like this. normally you both laugh things off but this time felt different. "you trust me right?" his voice sounded sincere. this tone was rare for you to hear from him but you knew immediately he was being genuine with his question. "h- huh? yeah of course.. why?" you responded. "okay well.." you noticed beomgyu was now fiddling with his headphones, it seemed like he was turning all the gears in his head to get out what he wanted to say. "y/n.. theres a chance you may have not been telling the truth but if you were- look regardless if you meant it, i meant what i said." you could feel your stomach turning. he hardly flirted with you but when he did it always felt different from his usual teasing. you never said anything though, in fear of ruining your friendship. yet you always thought about what it would be like if he also returned the feelings you felt.

the room's atmosphere seemed to change. suddenly you were both hyper-aware of his neon led light being the only source of light aside from his computer. your playlist had stopped and the silence felt unbearable. in one swift move, he stood up, and turned off the led light on his wall.

the room was a lot darker now, his computer screen's light being the only way of telling you what he was going to do next. you watched as he plopped down next to you. he was so close that you could see the slight tinge of pink on his ears. your senses began to be filled with the light scent of his cologne. "i.. look- the only way i can say or do this is if the lights are off- im not trying to be weird its just you make me so nervous.. i cant look at you." he mumbled as he looked at your hands resting on your lap. it was so dark and both your hearts were racing. "gyu.. " was all you could muster with his hands now softly on yours.

"can i…" beomgyu began as he leaned in closer, only centimeters away from your face. his eyes staring intently into yours. he had this look of pure admiration, nervousness and love. it was all too surreal. realizing what he was asking, you silently nodded as you stared at his lips. he pressed his forehead on yours, the thick tension in the air causing your body to tingle in anticipation. as you felt his hair softly tickle your features from him leaning in, your lips connected. he kissed you oh so softly as he held your cheek gently. your hands, as if moving on their own, were softly placed on his arms. his lips softly moving along your own. he was patient. it felt as if he was waiting for you to respond, unsure if what he was doing was okay with you. you moved your head to the side slightly to deepen the kiss, causing him to sigh. it was all he needed to know you felt the same. his hands moved to your waist as you settled your fingers into his long hair. softly pushing him towards you to intensify the kiss. all that could be heard was the rain outside aside from the soft exchange of sighs and hands roaming. "ive liked you for so long.. you have no idea.." he began between kisses. it was all passionate, slow, and tender as if he was handling you like glass. his hands pulled your waist impossibly closer to his. he separated first, leaving you craving for more. "trust me, i liked you so much i was so scared you didnt feel the same way despite you teasing me the way you did." you chuckled as you pecked his cheek. "you drive me insane.." he softly spoke. "y/n, every time i tried to say something.. my brain just went to mush.. its so bad i swear. i could only be this confident with the lights off.." beomgyu laughed as his eyes began to trail your facial features. he was admiring every curve and feature, and at that point, both your faces were impossibly red. "gyu.. can you just.. kiss me again..?" your voice came out hardly a whisper. "i like you so much i feel like im going insane from the way you just confessed." he smiled fondly at your words and nodded, leaning in once again. as soon as your lips touched you could both practically feel the electricity pouring through your bodies. as if on cue, thunder struck the moment you connected again. your arms wrapped impossibly tight around him, slightly tugging and playing with his hair. his arms remained at your waist, slightly circling over the shirt you wore. you could feel the warmth of his fingers through the fabric.

his tongue slightly swiped along your lips for permission, and you parted your lips in response. having his tongue explore your mouth had your brain going numb. time felt like it had stopped, with just the rain as your only witness to the quiet whispers and confessions that only you two could hear. when you both finally were running out of breath, you separated with beomgyu looking into your eyes. you stared back, lips equally as glossy as his. "are you.. going back to your dorm yet?" thunder struck once again, as if responding to his question. you smiled. "its raining a little too hard dont you think?" beomgyu chuckled, realizing how silly his question was. "yeah. youre right, i think you should stay." you bit your lip as you pulled off each other, both of you immediately missing the warmth. beomgyu shook his head fixing his now fluffed hair thanks to you as he ran his fingers through. he then stood up to turn the led light he had turned off previously back on. "so.. how about we watch a movie?" he spoke as the light clicked. you could almost burst into laughter from the question given the events that just happened a minute prior. give it to choi beomgyu, your best friend, to turn a situation less awkward by simply being his charismatic self. the personality you fell for since day one of knowing him.

"sure gyu, but.." you trailed off, shy about what you were about to say next. honestly, could this get any more awkward? "yeah?" he turned to you and tilted his head in that attractive way he does. "leave the lights off." you looked at him with a shy smile. he flushed at your words. and for the last time again, lightning struck. "yeah.. lights off" he replied, led light clicking once again.

#tomorrow x together #txt x reader #beomgyu x reader #txt scenarios #txt imagines #beomgyu x y/n #BakeryTreat♡

[thesupreme316]

Heyyyyy I just came up with this but headcanons with the boys if their so is in college and has a bunch of missing work how and how they would deal with it (not like this is related to me rn totally DONT have have 20+ missing assignments that r do Thursday😮‍💨) if not that’s fine I just needing something to do so I felt like I was being productive cuz I don’t feel like doing work in my week off. Thought I’d submit ideas for writers so I’d be doing smt!

AEW STARS React to: Their S/O In College (and Taking Finals)

Pairings: Nick Wayne x Reader, Darius Martin x Reader, Hook x Reader, Dante Martin x Reader, Christian Cage x Reader, MJF x Reader, Eddie Kingston x Reader, Wheeler Yuta x Reader

Word Count: 1.2K

Supreme Speaks: hey yall, finals kicked my butt, but we back and packed up in here! to this lovely anon, i hope you got everything done and passed with flying colors (ik i struggled). but anyways, please remember that you are loved and appreciated, and also that you are more than a gpa.

Warnings: none i think, grammarly wasn't working so barely proofread, no gifs as tumblr don't wanna work rn

Taglist: @hooks-martin @sheinthatfandom @triscillal @cassie0sstuff @eddie-kingstons-wifey @hookerforhook @batzy-watzy @wwenhlimagines

i totally forgot to add my beautiful besties my bad

Nick Wayne

Hahaha He is the last person you should be going to for help

If anything, Nick believes that you should just leave it alone and just be in candy land with him

But he knows how hard it is for you and how important it is

So he’ll try his best to help you actually do the assignments

Like you two split up how much work you have and he does half the assignment

I think he would find it fun; pulling all nighters in the library and doing work with their S/O until like 4 am

Every night would be a new adventure

Would let you review the work before you submit it

But anything science-related

Don’t ask him shit

I see him as more of a math person

Darius Martin

I see Darius definitely as a liberal arts or literature person

Like he can edit your papers (he’s your personal chat gpt)

I think Darius would help you by creating a schedule

Like when you need to get stuff done by

BUT

He takes it a step further by allocating time limits for each assignment

Like you can only work on assignment 1 for an hour and 30 minutes each day

Something tells me he is particular with schedules

Darius will keep you on track as if he’s getting paid for it

“Y/N, your break ended 3 minutes ago. LETS GO”

Will definitely help you with researching topics cause that takes a while

Don’t ask him shit about math

Dante Martin

Doesn’t particularly understand what you are going through

But nonetheless he hates that he doesn’t see you as much anymore

I can see him just giving you gifts and words of encouragement

Will tutor you if you need help…but realize that this is not high school science

“You mean there is more than Chemistry I? CHEMISTRY VI? ORGANIC-“

He soon gives up

Stays up with you and drags you away from work if needed

IMAGINE DANTE SAYING “COME TO BED BABY” OMG MY HEART

Will help you with assignments like Nick

Will reward you for all your hard work (wink wink)

Tries to distract you and give you moments for fun/relaxation

After the dust is settled, he’s just happy that you are out of the shackles of academia and you two can hang out stress-free

Hook

MANS IS NOT BOTHERED WITH YOUR BULLSHIT

Has the constant “I told you to start on these assignments earlier” look on his face

If anything he will just supply you with food, energy drinks, and emotional support

But if you thing this man will give you any type of physical help

YOU ARE LYIN TO YOURSELF SWEETHEART

Will secretly complain about your lack of self care or wishing he could actually help in Italian

Fancanon: Hook can speak Italian

If he thinks you have been working too much

He will save your work and shut your laptop down

Will make sure you did everything on your checklist before turning the assignments in

If you need him to print stuff off, just ask, he’ll do it

Unless it’s 1 am…then he’s telling you to take your ass to sleep

Wheeler Yuta

Okay, this man can actually help you

WITH HIS CUTE ASS GLASSES

He truly understands what you are going through as he used to be in your shoes

Mans will tutor you until you are smarter than him

Loves helping you with history and shit

“No the War of 1812 didn’t happen in 1937”

Gives you helpful study and test-taking tips

Tries to make you drink healthy caffeinated drinks not Monsters or Red Bulls

Believes they are the devil and will slap them out of your hands

“What did I say? Red Bull gives you horns, not wings…no not horns for being horny”

Will give you little trinkets or treat you out to dinner when you complete your assignments/exams

He just wants you to remain healthy during this stressful time

Christian Cage

I feel like if anything Christian is a professor…with the way he be schooling those-

He’s probably very knowledge in various subjects

He just does them the old-fashioned way

“What the hell is this?…Whatcha mean this is the new way?”

But if anything he’ll adapt to it, just trying to help you

I HAVE A THEORY that he’ll stay up reading the next chapter or the directions for your next assignment and tries to figure out ways to make the process easier

So the next day you walk out to the table and you see the parts of your project laid out and labeled

“I know it’s a lot but we break it up like this, you should be able to complete by tomorrow”

Christian takes pictures of you two so he can look back and bring up times like the Vietnam war

Makes you take breaks, in which he’ll work in your place

When you get your grade back, it’s yalls grade

not yours

MJF

Straight up pays for a tutor/homework helper

But stays in the room and yells at them cause you are still confused and behind

I mean this in the nicest way

Max is no damn help

He is laughing at you while he’s putting on his scarf

“Imagine doing homework to get a little paper for a job! That’s what you get for not being born rich”

Will post you on instagram and claim that homework and exams are to test idiots

But will quickly change his tune when you place a physics worksheet in front of him

“WHY IS THE GREEK ALPHABET HERE?”

Issues you a public apology and vows to never make fun of you again

If anything MJF supplies you with emotional support, letting you know that your feelings are valid

Will buy you new shoes or something massive for surviving and passing everything

Eddie Kingston

Now when I say don’t ask him anything

DON’T ASK HIM ANYTHING! HE’LL JUST SAY

“Doll, imma be real, I have a GED. I dunno shit”

He can only laugh from afar and say “glad I don’t have to do that shit”

But if you ask him anything about English or Shakespeare, he got you

Will recite random Shakespeare quotes to provide entertainment

I think he proofreads your papers to ensure they make sense

I do think he can help with researching and giving you credible websites

Other than that, his designated role is paper weight or waterboy

He believes your every word when you groan about school

That’s all he can do but you don’t complain about it

After he loves you and you love him

#aew #all elite wrestling #aew imagine #all elite wrestling imagines #aew hook #aew hook imagine #aew hook x reader #wheeler yuta #wheeler yuta imagine #wheeler yuta x reader #aew darius martin #darius martin x reader #darius martin imagine #dante martin #dante martin imagine #dante martin x reader #eddie kingston aew #eddie kingston imagine #eddie kingston x reader #aew nick wayne #nick wayne x reader #nick wayne imagine #christian cage #christian cage imagine #christian cage x reader #aew mjf #maxwell jacob friedman #mjf x reader #mjf imagine

[chuurroez]

𝗶𝗻 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗻.

'⁀➷ pairing :: anton lee x gn!reader

'⁀➷ genre :: angst

'⁀➷ summary :: you thought that you and your best friend's relationship was more than silly movie marathons, video calls, and gaming sessions, it was a stupid thought, you will always be more than a friend, but less than a lover to him.

'⁀➷ notes :: first fic in a few months! sorry if i chose angst insteadof fluff, 3/5 of the fics in progress are angst LMAO. well, i hope you enjoy reading this fic! took like about an hour and a half on this? i have school tomorrow i should've done my homework but whatever :)

'⁀➷ word count :: 1155

You saw a glimpse of sunlight sneaking through your close curtain from your window, then you realized, you once again cried yourself to sleep again thinking of Anton Lee, the man of your dreams. No, nightmares, being with him every single day and having to contain those stupid butterflies in your stomach every time you eat, play, and hang out with him makes it so frustrating. Why was he like this? Did the gods from above have a grudge against you to send someone like him? Whatever it was, you hated it. You couldn't wait to go home from school after 9 horrifying and lovestruck hours seeing and being with him. You didn't even know why you were so excited to go home, it was worse! Maybe it was the fact you didn't have to see his frustrating but so damn cute smile of his, or you didn't have to see hundreds of girls try and give him letters and chocolates of their own. You didn't care anyways, right? Your relationship would never budge out of the middle between friends and lovers.

As you got ready for school, you thought to yourself, "Just a few more months until we part ways right? I wouldn't have to deal with this cycle again and again?" but you were oh so wrong, the fact that the both of you would part ways for college made your life excruciating. "Whatever", you thought to yourself, "I'll just cherish these last few months with him, i guess!". You got yourself together, said goodbye to your parents, and went outside to see Anton, waiting outside for you. "It's 6:30 in the morning, did this cycle really have to start now?", you told your mind.

"What are you doing here Anton? It's so early and you're like almost always late for school? Is this even the real you? I'm surprised", you told the boy. "You told me you needed help studying for the math test we had? I heard from Hanni that it was 80 items, gosh i hate math.", he replied. "Oh, Hanni. I heard she likes you? It's pretty obvious that she likes you, I mean, she always wants to partner up with you and gives you snacks! The both of you would be good for each other!", you say with regret, why would you say that? It just lessened your chance to be with him, but its not like you had one to begin with. "You are right, but I'm not interested in anyone right now, all I care about is getting my grades up and trying my best to get into Yonsei! It's one of the best universities here in Korea!" , he followed. He really was perfect, caring, handsome, loving, and cares about his grades. No wonder hundreds of girls fell for him, you included. "Well, with how you're doing currently, you'll get in, in no time! Let's go now! We have a math test to review for!", you told him before the both of you walk to school.

.

While on the way to school, Anton asked " What university are you thinking of enrolling in, y/n? You could try out for Yonsei as well! I know we'll both ace the entrance exams!", he said followed by a smile, the smile you hated but loved at the same time. "I could, but I'm thinking of going abroad? I feel like I could show more of my capabilities and talents overseas!" you responded. "I'm proud for you, y/n! I'm glad you're becoming better and better every single day!" Anton complimented, you smiled at him and before you know it, the two of you are already at the gates of the school and head for the school's library.

.

-time skip to after the exams-

.

"That test was actually pretty easy! Don't you think Anton?", you asked him, "It was! I was surprised by how most of the things we reviewed for was actually there, haha!", he says happily. "It's lunch time, right? Let's head to the rooftop? I heard that since it's spring, the trees look absolutely stunning all the way up there!", you invite the boy to which he agrees. On the way up, Hanni bumps into you both, "Oh! Hi Anton, I was just looking for you, and hi y/n!", the girl says, to which the both of you smile and greet her as well but you knew damn well Hanni only looked for the both of you, for Anton. "I was just with Jiwoo and she told me to give this to you!" she announces and gives Anton a heart-shaped box with cookies inside and a letter on top. Hanni says her farewells to the both of you and you reach the rooftop and Anton decides to read the letter. "It was just another confession, I don't know why they won't stop! I already said again and again that I'm a study first type of guy. They just don't get it." the boy speaks, "But the cookies are good, here get some!", the boy adds. The both of you laugh and go back to the classroom just before the bell ran.

.

-time skip again to after classes-

.

Anton decided to walk you home after classes ended, and god did you hate it. You were fine being with him during the day but being with him after classes? You agreed, of course, I mean, what type of bestfriend would you be if you didn't? One the way home, Anton told you, "You know, I really see you more as a friend, you're just that someone I wouldn't mind being with, even if I didn't want to.", you tried your best to hide your blushing face by pretending to look for something in your bag, thankfully it worked. "Same! You're so kind and caring, it's almost hard to hate you if we were enemies." you reply, you hoped the thing you wished for was happening, but you knew that it wouldn't happen, "You're like, the bestest of all bestfriends in the entire world!" the boy tells you, with you saying you feel the same way with the same regretful feeling you felt earlier in the morning coming back again to torment you. You both reached your house and Anton said goodbye to you, you walked in your house feeling like a fool, you fooled yourself into thinking he'd feel the same way as you did. How stupid you were. You got ready to do your homework right after you got home, oh wait, you didn't, you went straight upstairs as you feel tears rolling down your eyes, you inevitably fell down to your bed as another crying session begins, was this your 4th or 5th one? Whatever, all your mind focused on was that you and Anton's relationship will always be glued in the middle, after all, the both of you were more than friends, but less than lovers.

#riize #riize x reader #riize imagines #riize anton #anton lee #lee anton #anton #riize angst #riize fics #angst #yveesning writes ! #anton x reader #anton lee x reader #lee anton x reader

[everywherea11thetime]

Education, Calculation, Exploration💙

mathprofessor!max x student!reader

warning: student teacher relationships, smut,bad smut writing(srry) part two with actual smut bc there trying to stop me:[, oral, google translate

It was Friday and your grades had just came out, you re loaded the website and they popped up 100, 105, 99.8, 110, 89, 65 your heart dropped you and your father had one deal hed pay for everything to do with college as long as you pass you classes. You weren’t even bad at math but you had a new professor and it was really hard to concentrate when he’d walk around with his three buttons off and deep blue suit. he had a way of talking like he knew that your thighs were clenched and dripping you were deep in your thought about how professor verstappen would teach you how to do anything and every thing when you heard ringing you looked down at your phone and saw your dads name “h-hey dad” you stuttered trying to shake the thoughts out of your head you’re dad spoke “you grades, i saw them. You need to fix that grade by the end of this week or get a job” “but dad it’s Wednesday!” you knew he wouldn’t care but still tried to protest “get it done.” and he hung up. It was 6pm you were hoping that professor verstappen would still be in his class, you threw the on a coat over your night gown, put on some shoes and practically ran down stairs. His class was only about a three minute walk, you barged into his class with out a second thought but when he looked up you suddenly felt small, remembering that you were only wearing a night gown that was incredibly short, his voice brought you out of your head “what are you doing in here” you walked to the front of his desk “i need my grades fixed” silence “if i don’t get my grades up my dads gonna take my money and then i’m gonna be homeless with no degree please sir” he chuckled “do you know how many people have to work for their place here? I’m done grading now, should have come earlier” you stared in silence for about ten seconds thinking of what to do, you knew that you were pretty and had a good body and sometimes used it to get what you want but never with school, yea sometimes for a free drink at a bar, or a new hand bag, sometimes even new shoes but never for school. This could go three ways 1. give great sex and he fixes your grade 2. give great sex and nothing happens 3. he says no you get kicked out. Fuck it it’s college. you walked around his desk and took off your coat letting it drop to the floor you were only about a step away from being in between his legs “I really need that A” you whispered as you went down onto your knees and looked up at him and began to trace his clothed cock and brought your hand all the way up to his chest, he grabbed your hair turning it into a make shift pony tail. you took his belt off and took him out of his pants he was big but you could take him, you grazed his tip with your thumb then licked him from base then swirled your tongue around his tip, you could feel every vein he had as you took him in you mouth he threw his back and started to whimper as his tip hit the back your throat. You sucked and twisted until you felt him twitch in your mouth, he was a groaning mess you felt his cum reach the back of your throat. You pulled off him “do i get my A” he let out a soft breath “yes schat” you got and bent down trying to grab your coat when you felt hands wrap around your waist and pull you onto his lap he pulled your hair to one side and whispered in your ear “you didn’t really think i would give the A that easy did you love”

A/N: TUMBLR HATES ME SO PART TWO HERE

#max verstappen x reader #f1 x reader #formula one x reader #max verstappen smut #everywherea11thetime #tumblr hates me

[shaunamilfman]

Don’t know why but the thought of JackieNat as roommates during their senior year or after college is giving me such insane brain rot.

- Jackie’s parent’s pay for her half of the rent, while Natalie has to work, sometimes a lot, so Jackie has started getting up early to make breakfast and lunches for Nat, so she can eat before/at work. At first it was really bad, cause Jackie can probably barely work a toaster, and Natalie could only take a bite or two for Jackie’s sake and then throw away what she couldn’t bare to eat. But Jackie gets the hang of it eventually and Natalie really looks forward to eating lunch, cause Jackie writes her little notes with it.

- Natalie and Jackie got close but Jackie didn’t know everything about Nat, cause when she walked into the apartment and was greeted by an ugly, straggly (previously stray) cat, she is surprised, to say the least. Natalie introduces him as “Shithead, the cat she found in a dumpster”, and Jackie has to force a smile and pretend she doesn’t absolutely HATE cats. For a while Jackie was convinced the cat is plotting her murder cause it would follow her EVERYWHERE, occasionally swipe his paw in the space under Jackie’s door, and just sit and stare at her. Natalie tells Jackie it’s just cause he likes her and he’s curious, but Jackie doesn’t believe her. Weeks later after a double shift at work, Natalie comes home to find Jackie on the couch, Shithead on Jackie’s chest, purring with his eyes closed as Jackie scratches his chin and cheeks as Jackie’s just smiling ear to ear at the cat. Jackie calls Natalie and herself, his parents from that point on.

- Jackie and Natalie at first fought about what to watch because there is only one TV and Jackie comes to the conclusion if Nat just watched what Jackie wanted it would be fine, So she forces Nat to watch all her shitty reality romance/dating shows, at first Natalie HATES it, she just goes to her room and doesn’t watch, but there was one night where she was too tired to move and she ended up getting invested. Now they watch it together every Thursday night.

- Jackie single handedly improves Nat’s living standards, because Natalie lives like a divorced dad, or a frat guy and it knocks Jackie off of her feet. Natalie uses lawn chairs at the dining table and she doesn’t have a bed frame, Jackie saw those things and nearly had a panic attack. So Jackie gets them ACTUAL furniture, because despite how much Nat argues it, one beanbag in the middle of the living room doesn’t count as a chair. She decorates the place, and Natalie actually likes how it turns out.

- They host little movie nights for the girls to come by, and by ‘they’ it’s mostly Jackie, she makes snacks and drinks and picks out the movie options. But Nat is hanging out with them and she’s happy and laughing and that’s enough for Jackie.

So sorry I went on a tangent here, I told you, I love their old married couple dynamic, hope your presentation went well <3

nat the first time Jackie made her a sandwich: 😯😁. nat the hundredth time Jackie has made her the only sandwich she knows how to make: 😔.

makes her lowkey miss her previous bag of chips and a Gatorade because atleast she could vary the flavors.

nat has all of the notes hidden deep in her room and will burn them before she lets Jackie realize she kept them. she pretended not to have read one once as a joke but never made it again because Jackie almost teared up.

Jackie is the dad who doesn't want a cat and then is the cats bestie once you get him omg

Jackie doing girl math with the TV lmao you know that's right. nat does that thing where she stands in the doorway pretending she's not watching it and gets closer and closer until she's finally sitting down. but it you acknowledge she's watching it she's gone.

nat is strangely invested in one of the reality shows Jackie watches all the time. Nat's home sitting on the couch playing on her gameboy or some shit at like 8 pm on the dot every Thursday. she will take that secret to her grave, but Jackie knows damn well how into it she is.

Nat's never had a home before and kind of has a little freak out when she realizes that not only does she own more than she can carry, but that she's made her home with Jackie fucking Taylor.

nat loves movie nights because Jackie alternates letting her have a day in what they watch without a fight lmao. she also loves having like a scheduled weekly event because her family never had one of those as a kid. she mentions this to Jackie and jackie's like "you think I'm your family? 😁". cue nat crossing her arms petulantly and being like "Pff. Nooooo. 😳🙄"

my presentation went very well actually, thank you! glad it's fucking over though. you can always feel free to go on a tangent in my inbox lmao

#soffsh #jackie thoughts 🩷 #nat thoughts 🖤 #jackienat thoughts 🩷🖤

[novelmonger]

Thanks for the tag, @freenarnian

Are you named after anyone? Yes - my first name after one grandma, my middle name after the other.

When was the last time you cried? Ummm...definitely Monday, at least. Might have teared up over Frodo and Sam or something in the past couple days; I can't quite remember ^^'

Do you have kids? Not unless you count my brain children (Mommy loves you, Jake Rogers! >3<)

What sports do you play/have you played? I play a mean game of Wii Tennis :) (aka flailing the Wiimote around like a crazy person)

Do you use sarcasm? Oh, never.

What is the first thing you notice about people? Uhhh...their hair? The general shape of their face?

What's your eye color? Brown

Scary movies or happy endings? Yes. (Signs is the perfect movie in this regard.)

Any talents? Mostly just writing. A head for grammar, I guess? Picking up new words in foreign languages?

Where were you born? I feel okay saying this because I don't live there anymore: Pennsylvania.

What are your hobbies? Reading, writing, watching movies/shows, playing video games, and a new addition is video editing!

Do you have any pets? Not personally, but I live with my sisters, and one of them has three rats and an axolotl. So I get to watch them and laugh at their antics and coo over how cute they are, but they're not my responsibility :P

How tall are you? 5'6"

Favorite subject in school? English, always. Looking back on myself, I have to laugh at elementary-aged Novie, because I used to hate grammar and spelling (I mean, I hated math more). But then when I reached high school, it kind of clicked that I was actually pretty good at it, it came to me much more naturally than math or science, and maybe the reason I always thought it was such a drag before was because it was so easy. There was no challenge! I also really really loved the psychology class I took in high school, so once I got to college it was a no-brainer to major in English and minor in psychology (and education, but that was for a scholarship).

Dream job? I'm working towards a job in scoping, which looks pretty rosy from where I'm standing - working from home, not really having to talk to anybody, spending your whole day correcting the grammar, punctuation, and formatting of court transcripts? It's like it was tailor-made for me! I've also thought it would be pretty cool to be a librarian, a copyeditor, or a transcriptionist, but from what I could tell when I looked into them, it would be a little hard to find a job that would support me, at least without taking more higher education than I could probably stand x.x

Tagging @sailforvalinor, @rainintheevening, and @x-i-l-verify if this looks like fun!

#tag games #get to know your mutuals

[pocketsizedquasar]

Sorry for the generic question but how did you get into physics? Were you always interested in it or your interests change when you entered college? I'm a first-year student right now and not sure about what I want to do

oh hey no need to apologize!

i was always interested in science in general growing up, and i had an affinity for space stuff, which sorta naturally lent me towards physics? n then in high school i took ap physics with an absolutely phenomenal teacher (who i’m still friends with to this day <3) which really cemented my love for the subject. so i did go into college knowing i was interested in physics and with the intent to study it.

i did, however, take classes in a couple of different fields my first year! (& honestly throughout college; i was lucky in that i was able to take many electives outside of physics or stem in general; that rly saved me tbh). my first semester i took an intro bio course which i only found out partway into it was actually an intro biochem course…and i’m god-awful at chemistry lmao. mad respect for anyone who can do it; it’s not for me tho. but that course, while, super fun & interesting, also confirmed for me that i wasn’t really into those fields beyond general interest, and didn’t want to Study them for college / my life. (i also took multivariable calc that semester, but had an absolutely awful time due to a less than stellar teacher & having to mostly teach myself the material, which rly sucked bc i actually really like calculus, and i’m much better at multi now. i had a great time in every single other math class i took in college.)

i took physics then my second semester of college, again kinda going into it already knowing i was probably going to stick with it. that class also had a phenomenal teacher, who later ended up becoming my academic advisor for my physics major.

on paper it was a very ‘i kinda always knew i wanted to do something relating to this, and then i did it’ story, but there were also… god, several times in my college where i genuinely wondered if i’d made a massive mistake because i felt like i didn’t understand anything, it was too difficult, everyone else so clearly understood it easier than me (which in some cases was factually true! people did actually objectively understand the material better than i could. and some cases was just imposter syndrome), maybe i’m interested in physics but that doesn’t mean i’m cut out for it because clearly i can’t handle even simple stuff etc etc. my worst physics classes were e&m (electromagnetism) (the prof was clearly super knowledgeable and an expert in the subject; he was just i think Too Smart honestly and the material kinda went over my head fhdhdh) and statistical mechanics/thermodynamics (i fucking hate stats, for years refused to touch anything stats related with a 10 foot pole, and only took statmech bc my advisor said it was important for grad school and i was still undecided whether i wanted to go to grad school) (the teacher for statmech was also like… basically just spent every class writing a bunch of math and equations on the board and i never understood where they came from or what they meant. i’m not kidding when i say i literally learned nothing from that class. zero. absolutely nothing. i’m not exaggerating.) and during those two classes ESPECIALLY, i really doubted myself and seriously considered changing my major. i thought if i couldn’t even handle a basic course all physicists take (e&m), or something that everyone else in the class seemed to understand except me & something i would have to do More of / a Harder version of in grad school (statmech), then how on earth could i handle actually doing this for my life? how could i handle grad school OR the industry? and i did honestly feel like that so many times throughout college. it was rough. i felt like the things i was good at weren’t the things that would actually help me get anywhere. and the things i was bad at were the basic things that everyone needed to succeed.

i stuck with it though, mostly because i didn’t know what else to do. and i think i’m glad i did. i have a really wonderful job related to physics now that i’m extremely extremely lucky to have, and i enjoy it a lot.

anyway that’s a bit rambly and idk if it helps answer your question at all but . yeah idk i guess if i had advice for trying to figure out what you want—and this is only gonna be applicable to the US probably since that’s where i am & i know other countries’ colleges/unis are different w/ how many electives you’re allowed to take / how much flexibility you’re allowed to have with changing your field of study—is to take different things you’re potentially interested in? see what you enjoy, what speaks to you, what you could see yourself doing even through frustration and difficulty (because no matter what field, there will be frustration and difficulty), and try and explore that more.

and if you change your mind, that is okay. if you take longer to graduate than ‘normal,’ that’s okay too (obv financial & other considerations are important as well, but there’s nothing inherently wrong with needing more time).

i hope this is a little helpful; i’m sorry i couldn’t really be more specific. if you have more questions i’m happy to answer more or talk more about my experience. good luck!

#quasartalks #ask #diamondsnake7 #physics #long post

[that-bluesybitch]

Okay, I want to tell a story about my ex and why it is important to give young conservatives a chance. I know that that intro doesn't sound promising but hear me out please.

Last year I was dating this guy (was then engaged for a week, but that is not important) and he was very conservative. He voted for trump in the 2020 election, was only ever going to go green if someone put a gun to his head, hated muslums and did not believe in black lives matter or anything of the sort including crt. ( Also anti-abortion).

We had an argument over him liking Donald Trump because the reality of it was that where my ex was financially, Trump didn't actually benefit him whatsoever. This led to an argument over why Trump was problematic over all.

I sat down with him and actually showed him facts and evidence and after looking over it he apologized and recinded his previous statements to the contrary. And this made me wonder why he ever thought Trump was good in the first place. So ofcourse I asked him and he told me that he was told by his teachers (He went to a Catholic school) and his parents (both republicans) that Trump was the good guy and liberals were bad. He had never been given any evidence of their statements, but if he did not agree he would get punished beause growing up, what the conservative adults said was required to be taken as truth and it made me realize something.

He never had a chance to not belive stupid shit until college. He was forced to belive incorrect statements that had been shoved down his throat by adults who used their power over him in a negative way.

I also want to tell you all about the issues he had with math class. See, he was required to take and pass a math class in college as a gened course, as was I. Before we dated, he had taken 3 because he failed them all, along with having to retake an accounting course because he failed that too.

He told me how much he hated math and science, and whenever it came up in everyday life, he would desperately try to avoid being the person having to do the work that involved said math.

I offered to take a math course with him, so that I could be there to help. When we took the course I noticed he actually was not bad at math at all. He was just not used to some of the work that comes with it and had not been exposed to the thinking and methods that come with doing mathmatics.

In highschool, many of his classes were religion classes and revolved only around the bible, he was given very little chance to understand math or science and when he had trouble his teachers had called him stupid.

The fact of the matter was that he was not stupid at all. He just needed a chance to be smart, to get good at math.

It was the same with his political opinions, he needed a chance to see evidence and think for himself. He was completly capable of thinking for himself but was never given a chance. This is because along with not respecting women, gays and blacks (amoung others) republicans don't respect their children. They do not even want children, they want obediant slaves for them to beat on or push around. If those children get out of line, they are forced to go through public and private beratement.

I tell you all this so that you know and understand something. Adults who are republicans, have no excuse. But if you meet a child who is just spitting out their conservative parents' opinions, please be the person who shows them the right way in a kind manner. They have been disrespected all their lives and have never been given a chance to use their brain, nor taught how to.

I hate what republicans are doing to others, but what they are doing to their children is just as bad. They are harming their minds and their future's just so they can feel as if they are important and in charge.

#liberals #democrats #biden #president obama #education #educators #blm #women's rights #reproductive rights

[planet4546b]

this is an extremely bizarre question i just thought of but. thoughts on the s/n cast being in a lighthearted (??) au a la hs/college/coffee shop au but still forced to meet (group project members, reluctant coworkers, etc.). i have no idea if this makes sense fksjks

ohohoho this is very fun. time to normalify my favorite weirdos!!!!

lighthearted au of choice is 'everyone works in the same shitty mall' because its the one i can make make sense in my head the best. dont ask why jdhslkag

sam is the long suffering assistant manager for a best buy. eric is the actual manager and the rest of the spire network folks are the other employees here. darcy has stolen at least 2 entire xboxes. indrani, grace, and sam walk to the food court together every day to have lunch together and shittalk everyone else.

sam has a ham radio hobby and uses her store discount to buy parts (i havent been to a best buy in forever idk if they have those. bear with me here). she is a radio nerd in every universe and i love her <3

mel works in the new escape room (cy also works here) and is weirdly serious about it?? emily works in a trader joes. jackie is in the weird little board game store you know the kind.

jackie steals pokemon cards from behind the counter for mel. mvp

i could literally just have said they know each other from working in the same store but instead im about to build the weirdest relationship map ever because #ilovecomplexity. ok here we go

mel, em, and sam have lived in this town and known each other since they were kids. mel and sam were closer in high school, but then mel left town to go to college for a few years (before dropping out), and sam and em started hanging out a lot more. jackie just recently moved to town to go to the state school nearby (fun fact: in a previous version of this story it took place in suburban illinois, and emily went to university of illinois urbana-champaign so lets say its there for funsies). emily is also taking classes there so she and jackie ended up in a class together (em is a math major and jackie is the worlds most pathetic physics major so they probably took like calc 3 together or something) and thats how jackie got dragged into the group!!!

sam has the worst little awful apartment youve ever seen (its literally the r/malelivingspaces i dont deserve a bedframe post) and jackie is somehow always hanging out there (jackie lives with 3 roommates and is always in a fight with one of them). sam frankly does not mind. the two of them get a long a LOT better without an impending apocalypse. physics student jackie + radio enthusiast sam spend a lot of time discussing like, the electromagnetic spectrum and also jackie is making sam watch breaking bad and sometimes they play minecraft.

emily: im gonna ask sam to have dinner at the california pizza kitchen with me

mel: what the fuck. thats a terrible idea. why would you take her to the fucking california pizza kitchen in the mall we literally work at. what??

emily: ...... should i do the cheesecake factory??

jackie is the ultimate 'lie to your boss. leave work for no reason. just walk out. fuck it ✌️' guy and is constantly trying to get the other three to spend work hours just sort of fucking around and hanging out with them. like theyll tell their manager theyre taking a bathroom break and then walk down to the escape room and talk to mel for 30 minutes. mel, who takes her work in this universe as seriously as in canon, absolutely HATES this and is like no im not skipping work with you. stop it. but caves eventually and spends a lot of time just sort of wandering through the weird field behind the mall with jackie and getting high. its great

chaos and absolute tragedy when the sbarros in the food court is replaced by a fancy health food place and its the only topic of discusion for months. no survivors

emily and mel are on a much better path towards actually mending their relationships in this world. i think they both still live at home, and having their other siblings leo and addie around (as well as their mom and grandma) makes them WAYYYY less likely to want to tear out each others throats. sam loves going to dinner at em and mels because it reminds her a lot of her own family (and because shes known them so long shes been going over there forever. helped addie with her math homework when addie was in hs kinda vibe. its nice)

also while sam is still estranged from her family in this version, the paternal relationship between her and eric is also much more clear, which is also nice. sam PEOPLE LOVE YOU.

luna this is bad. im actually kind of very invested in this au now. im kind of going to keep thinking about it all week. uh oh. anyways this is very scattered but thank you for the very fun question MUAH

#asks #cherrytries #i legit am KIND OF REALLY INVESTED IN THIS NOW. jhkldshakjg #the ultimate joy of making aus for your own ocs. truly one of lifes pleasures!!!! #also its so fun that like. sometimes i realize just how well i know these characters bc this took very little effort #to actually come up with. i was just like. yeah i know them. i know what they would do. very fun!!! #signal to noise #oh also fun fact about me. i. dont know how coffeeshop aus work??? i dont understand them?? #is it everyone working at the same coffeeshop?? is it one person is the coffeeshop employee and the other the customer they always see???? #like i genuinely have no idea. regardless fkjdsagkas

[candygirly06]

Are you self-less, selfish or self- sabatoging?💋

My dear Upper East readers,  When I first started my self-love journey, I was very apprehensive about it, I never really believed that my thoughts or actions would affect me, and I believed that if I forgot about the things that happened to me, then it wouldn't be traumatic anymore, boy oh boy was I in for a ride.

I think it all presumably began when I was around 12-13 years old, I had a boyfriend, good grades, amazing friends, and a loving family, so why was I so depressed? My answer would be that, although I had a boyfriend, he was an emotionally unavailable boy who didn't know the first thing about liking a girl. ( well we were 12, so I wouldn't really expect much from him), my grades were good but I had a severe academic validation obsession and was always after my parents' approval, my friends were popular for being nice but that didn't mean that they actually were, and my family, as much as they were doing the best that they could, they were pushed into parenthood without warning and even if I am their second child, that trauma doesn't go away, and yet they still raised me as well as they could, for that, I am always grateful to them but it did most definitely affected my life. 

Now, I hadn't realized all this back then, and I just went on with my life, got a hair disease and had to shave it all off, see my sister get married, get hospitalized for having anemia, and stay in the ICU for 3 days and in the hospital for a week and find out that they didn't know the reason for me being sick and get discharged, find out I have to write one of the most important exams of my life, and fail miserably. ( I got like a 3-something GPA). By this point I was around 14-15 when I finally decided to get my life into order, I and my ex had broken up for reasons I am still unaware of, but we remained friends. ( this needs its own separate post), due to the pandemic and everything me and my friends barely talked me and my family was still working things out and I just decided to either love them so hard that I forget everything else and lead my life exactly like them, or get my ish together, work on myself and leave this place before it sucked me right in. And that's exactly what I did, am doing, and will do.

I started focusing on my school and the work assigned to me, and the one person who helped me a lot through this was one of my best friends, let's name her D. I hated math and my parents made me choose the advanced level and I was failing miserably but I managed to end it with a whopping A2, not my best but I am really happy with that! I made new friends and whenever I went to school, I made a promise to myself to speak with someone new every day and I did, I was friends with almost the entire class, of course, there were days when I was absolutely miserable but then again, consistency is not all but most of the time <3 My ex was trying to come back to me saying that "I look really good now", I had done nothing but change the way I looked at myself, and during all of this, you would assume that I kept my health in check right? well because of the amount of all-nighters I pulled and my messed up sleep schedule caught up to me, I was diagnosed with PCOD, at the age of 15. 

I honestly felt like I had lost myself completely, no matter how hard I tried, something would always come to bite me back, and I hated it, I found more comfort in my fake friends than in my family, but the one thing I never did was give up, give up on myself, give up on life, give up on my future, I never did that ever again. I continuously fought against it every day, it didn't matter if I was happy, sad, miserable, or angry, I didn't care, and I left my old school after Year 10 and joined a pre-uni college where I built a completely new life, new friends, new personality and everything.

 Although a lot happened in the past year, I think I can finally say that I've found myself again, I do not like the fact that I ignored my mental health for such a long time, but here I am, healing every part of myself, slowly but surely. I built a haircare and skincare routine suited for me, I take care of my nutrition and exercise, I sleep at a regular time ( for the most part) and I have built a morning and night routine that helps me grow into my desired self more and more. There are, of course, a lot of incidents that I haven't told you about yet, but you get the idea of how my self-love journey did not begin because I had past trauma, or bad experiences, well, to a certain extent, my life was as perfect as it could get, but now, I've been single for around 3 years with a few flings, I have found my passion and purpose, I absolutely love myself, my grades are better than ever, I have friends who I love and cherish and finally, a family that I have to understood and feel safe with but not enough to stay here forevccer.

Until my next post, dear Upper East readers

XOXO, Candy Girl💋

#sel #personalblo #chiccandy #gos

[blacktypeofguy-blog]

“Midlife Crisis Syndrome”

By: Sean Christian D. Marciales

Welcome to my personal corner of the internet! As you can tell from the title, I’m currently experiencing something common at this stage of my life. Well, I guess you can say when you’ve reached a certain age you tend to overthink about a lot of things. And right now, I’m currently stuck in this dilemma for a while now. Sometimes adults can be sensitive and scared in some situations about how their lives are going through, so I’m to share my personal experience and why am I currently in a “midlife crisis”.

Chapter 1: Origins

Growing up, I’ve always been naïve when it comes to certain things. For example, I wanted to become a doctor when I was a kid, easier said than done right? Well of course as kids, we are free to dream and be whatever we want to be. At least that’s what the grownups tell us back then. It seemed so cool to dream and imagine myself as a doctor trying to help people. Well, everything changed when I was in High School. I actually didn’t like the work put in on how to achieve that goal. I hated experiments, I hated doing math. Everything scientifically related gives me a head ache and then I suddenly realized that maybe this isn’t for me. Everything was just wishful thinking when I was a kid. And the question popped in my mind, why were they telling me I could become a doctor before reality stuck me hard?

Chapter 2: Passion Unleashed

Everything kind of changed when I stepped into high school. I became more matured and realistic. Although I still have that wishful thinking mindset back when I was a kid, I learned to step back and don’t get my hopes up. Pretty negative right? Well, I’m a realist back then. Anyways, I was still looking for other passions during this brief period since I know I’ll have to choose a course related to it when I step in college. So, I did a bit of self-reflecting. What do I really want to be when I grow up? I had a few things that I loved doing but I didn’t see myself surviving with it in the real world. That’s when something dawned on me. Do I really have to love my job to lead a fulfilling life? I mean I just want to survive and buy the things that I want regardless what my job is. Yeah, I was basically money-driven at a young age. That’s when I considered to maybe go into business management, I mean more options right? I’d rather see myself working my own business rather than working inside an office 24/7 bored to death. So, I made up my mind. Business it is then.

Chapter 3: Reality check

This is when things changed for the worse. I passed the entrance examinations in my dream school, but there was one problem, it wasn’t business management. Now I was pretty much broken when I found out about it, there goes my hopes and dreams of trying to study business. “I guess it wasn’t really meant for me” was the initial thought that popped in my mind. I guess I was still naïve even as an adult. I kept thinking, when will I ever learn to realize that there are limitations in life. So, I moved on, pursued the course that I passed, graduated college, and worked for about a good year. In all honesty, it wasn’t so bad. Well, it wasn’t good either. But I realized that regardless where I am now. It’s the people and the opportunities I encounter makes things better. I’m fortunate I had a good run in with a few people who I consider my best friends because I stumbled upon a degree, I had no intention of pursuing. They basically changed my whole mindset about life. You can dream, but don’t get your hopes up. But even if everything falls apart, there will always be people who will struggle with you, and that makes things better, I guess. I thought I was the only one feeling this way, but that wasn’t the case. I am profoundly grateful for the people I met along this rocky journey and even if right now, I might not be in a position I particularly wanted to be in, I’m glad I met people who changed my point of view that it isn’t that bad.

Thanks for listening, I hope this blog provides insight into who I am, the things I’ve experienced in my journey and the pursuit of self-discovery. Feel free to leave a comment, connect, and share your own stories. I’m excited to build a community where we can inspire and support each other on this weird journey called life.

[dailynabu]

nabu: day 0

Hi, everyone! It's Nabu. I'm currently 7986 days old and just now I've realize how young I truly am. By age 18 I already thought I was old enough to deal with life and I thought about how everything that would happen, the idea of all of this distress, anguish, pain and lots and lots of stuff made me uneasy. Of course, consider I had spent more than half of my life inside a box, a house that's not a home.

It feels so strange now, uncanny. How was I once 17 and now I'm 21? Don't come at me with all of these math witchcraft. Where all that time go? I don't think I had lived till last year. I don't think one quarter of my breaths were actual. All fake. I'd say: "but not in a bad way", but there's no "good way" to be fake. You're either bad for people or bad for yourself... And I've been too harsh with this person who stares at me in the mirror.

Everything I could, I've tried. I'm trying so hard to love myself but it is actually so incredibly hard. Went to all forms of therapy, tried every med and form. I don't know how to do it. I don't think that people like me does, but I want it, want it so bad it pains me physically.

Do you ever went outside and met a person that looked so confident you envy them? I did. Everyone always seems so much better than I do and I can't conceive the idea of being wanted even if it's about some kind of interest (not necessarily personal interest). I've worked so hard for so long and still is not enough. I catch myself falling into old patterns again and again.

Another question that just popped out my mind is where is that extroverted, cheerful, positive and bubbly person everyone around me seems to know, yet I do not? That person is always smilig and saying nice things, showing love and smiling, asking about how everyone's doing and mastering the art of telling people about how much they're worthy and how they care.

Not to brag, far from it, but people come to me saying they feel safe and not-lonely around me. I sympathize with everyone, like lots of them, love some and even worship a few; still, I feel lonely. Some of them may say: "you can count on me!" and I know they mean it, but I don't feel it, like it's some kind of sin of mine to count or seek them if I'm in need. Lastly, trusting people and opening up seems dangerous, to say the least.

I don't know. Today I don't feel sad nor upset nor distressed, just a bit tired and sleepy. I slept 4 hours in the last 2 days and I've been studying like a dog so I can have this 1 month off college. Exams and homeworks always make me feel insanely anxious and my heart problems keeps attacking me, but this time everything was... Calmer. Certainly not 100%, as you can see I barely ate and slept. I think that, under this hard skin, there's someone, a child I might add, who's extremely anxious.

For the record, I can't stand watching a match of the team I support. My hands feel sweat, my arms hurts and my heart beats faster. I know it's "just a match" and I don't really care, I barely watch something: but when I do, I do feel anxious like it was something really important. I don't really know if it's because my heart condition or anxiety or both, I run from this a-word "like the devil runs away from the cross".

Boyfriend keeps noticing it, how I hate this word (and a lot more) and he lightly jokes, but I truly get offended. I know, it's stupid. Anyway. Today was kinda... I'd exhausting, but it wasn't. I woke up by 9:20am, studied till 2:40pm and then went to college, do a test. 3 hours and half in only 4 questions, I can't stand seeing numbers nor greek letters, honestly. All of this humilliation for a degree, can you imagine? After it, went to Boyfriend's, watched some short films and cuddle till I got back House. Pretty much it. Not a hard day, I'd say, I had worsts and everyday is my best whenever I see his face.

Not too much to add. I don't feel extremely emotional to be venting, actually I'm so tired I could sleep right now. Normal day. I just wanna save this words and every single day of my life so maybe I start valuing it.

(About how much I want self love, how I feel fake with myself. About trust and difficult of opening up with people I know love me. In a good way, I don't feel bad while word-vomiting).

— 20.12.23

#journal #daily journal #my journal #personal post #talking to myself #life update #dear diary #self reflection #healing #heal #healing journey #Youtube

[mlundertow]

Pulling a Haruka

tl;dr: Muv-Luv Undertow hasn’t been abandoned. I just have a lot going on right now.

So… long time, no write, right?

Yeah, it's probably been, what, a year and a half since I posted a chapter to Muv-Luv Undertow? You’d be fully justified in thinking it’s an abandoned fic.

Thing is, it’s not abandoned. It’s not dead.

It’s just… resting…

So… this is going to take some explaining. Content warning for severe medical conditions.

So, maybe the first thing to know about the author of Muv-Luv Undertow — that'd be me — is that I'm old, at least relative to most anime fans. Really frickin’ old. Long past the point where individual birthdays are interesting and you have to do math in your head to remember your exact age because it kind of doesn't matter anymore.

Like, seriously, the first election I could vote in was Reagan vs. Mondale, and I voted for whoever the Libertarian was, because I was still in the thrall of both-sides-are-bad poseur contrarian bullshit that took me far to long to outgrow. (That college friend that Noah mentions during the trial in book 3, the one with weirdo political opinions? That’s me trashing my younger self.)

Anyways, when you burn through your 30s, 40s, and 50s, one popular thing to do is to have kids. Both our societal traditions and contemporary media tell us this is an important, heartwarming, and even fun thing to do.

And sometimes it is!

But also, sometimes your kid is born with a congenital heart defect.

And sometimes that acts up with severe side-effects when they grow up.

And sometimes when they're in the hospital for that, a scan discovers cancer.

And sometimes when they're undergoing chemotherapy, they have a stroke.

And sometimes all of these things happen at once.

So… yeah. That's a big part of where I've been (there's more, which accounts for 2022 and why we had to move out of our house, but this is the current problem). I actually had to take four months off work — I'm lucky I work at a company where I even can do that — and I'm still not back to work full time. The kid requires a lot of care, and it has drained all my free time, between caring for him, doing my job, and giving my wife a break.

And free time is the one thing I need to work on this fanfic.

I do think I'm eventually going to get back to it, as the kid improves and life here stabilizes, but I can't put a date on that. I’d hate to set expectations and let readers down even more than I already have.

But it pains my heart to want to finish this story and not be able to. I think about it almost every day.

Still, it’s worth assessing where Undertow is, and what it’ll take to finish it once I can.

Muv-Luv Undertow was always planned as a series of five books. I wrote in that format because I wanted to mimic the light novel format that Schwarzesmarken and Total Eclipse used. I also thought it would be good discipline to have to pay off novel-length plots while spinning the tale of the larger series. I think it's intimidating to see some fic on AO3 that’s like 500,000 words or more. Even though Undertow will probably end up close to that (it’s already at 300K words), being able to see it broken up by book may be more appealing than diving into some big, potentially-unstructured sprawl.

Three books are completely done, at least as first drafts:

Broken Ship — AO3, epub

Jour de Gloire — AO3, epub

If You Tolerate This — AO3, epub

Then we have the in-progress book four:

Join the Parade — A03, epub

And speaking of “progress”, how is this actually going? Well, book four is at 72,964 words across twelve numbered chapters (not counting the front matter that AO3 counts as separate chapters, like the cover image or the epigraph). As I thought I was getting the book rolling again last December, I finally outlined the end of Act II and all of Act III, filling in a lot of gaps I had been putting off making decisions on. Book four has been the least plotted-in-advance story in the series, and that made it harder to write even back when things were moving along. It’s pretty clear that I'm a plotter, not a pantser.

One thing I did in outlining these chapters was to do virtual index cards for key beats — the things that have to happen and the things I want to happen (ideally, the Venn diagram of these should be a circle) — so I could move them around the last few chapters to see how different arrangements worked out, in terms of plot, theme, and feel.

In fact, here’s a PNG of how I ended up breaking Act III… with spoiler protection provided by the Gaussian blur filter in Acorn 7. I let a few cards go through unblurred so you can speculate about what's happening between here and there. It might read a little dull in this format, but I promise you that several things explode before we're done.

So, seven more chapters and a one-scene epilogue get us done with book four.

After that, the story ends in book five. Payoffs for stuff I've been building since the first book, some twists that you won't see coming (oh, but they're coming), and connections back into the main Muv-Luv timeline that’ll show why this story was worth telling in the first place. One thing that’ll help book five is that since so much of it is natural consequences of what’s come before, the plotting should go faster, because everything that happens is now inevitable.

You know, like when you hit Act V in any good tragedy.

One of the themes of book four has been about our protagonist Noah being pulled back to his normal life. Whatever route he chooses, the end of the current book will bring him to the point of no return, and then beyond.

Book five is titled Autumn Closin’ In. I'll save you the trouble of looking up the epigraph; it’s from the song “Night Moves”, because you can’t set a story in the woods of northern Michigan without eventually dropping in a Bob Seger song. Literally. I think Gov. Whitmer signed that into law a few years back.

Ain’t it funny how the night moves, when you just don’t seem to have as much to lose? Strange how the night moves… with autumn closin’ in.

I’ll post here in this Tumblr as things come back together. I also plan to start a Mastodon account (possibly on the anime-themed urusai.social instance, if they’ll have me) to replace the @ml_undertow Twitter account, because Elon has ruined Twitter, and everyone should be migrating off it by now, if you haven’t done so already. As things get closer to starting book five, I’ll also need to commission Hirei to do one more character design and a matching book cover. (Now that we’ve done Noah, Adrienne, Kimmy, and Don, who do you suppose will be on the final cover, and why?)

I don’t know when, but we’ll get there. And it’ll all have been worth it.

Even if it does mean suffering through a three-year Haruka-like coma.

#fanfic #ao3 author #muv-luv

[punhetamaistriste]

It's only sex

I like how open we are about sex. I really do. We, as young people in college, talk about sex a lot. There are loads of people actually doing sex, also. Last year I was in a relationship that involved sex, and I wasn't repulsed. I'm not repulsed by the sex talk either. I like knowing new gossip, and half the times it happens to be about sex. I like sex jokes, I like how some sex is portrayed in media, I like engaging in what other people my age engage. I also don't like sex very much.

My personal asexual circle showing how I manifest asexuality

I was 14 when I first thought about it. By that time I'd known for years I was bisexual, and I was never scared of being queer (was already a bullied child for many reasons, so I got nothing to worry about), and in high school I met another asexual person who got me thinking if I could be like them. I wrote the <i>53x + m^3 = 0 </i> on the back of my jacket, but then I was 16 and people started talking about having sex. I liked kissing people, so I could just make shit up and talk just like they did. The ace equation is an underground symbol, and it usually makes people think I just like maths (I do).

I spent some time kissing and fooling around because people are pretty and the world is nice, but I can't picture them naked. I don't want to. I want to kiss their forehead and hug them so closely I can feel their heart beating in my skin, but I don't need to be naked for that. I want intimacy, not sex. And for years I've tried, but people want sex from me. I gave sex to some of them, and two of my affairs involved sex on a regular basis (both because of my people pleaser syndrome and my angst towards seeking intimacy from people I'm not very emotionally close to fill the void). My favourite affairs were online, and one (with whom I considered for some time The Love of My Life!) consisted in back and forth trips to each other's houses to kiss and hug and watch anime. Not sex. I didn't want it. We didn't need it. We knew what we were. Couples don't need sex. Well, eventually he did and confessed he was just not sexually attracted to me. Being square, I took it as treason, because he still wanted to have sex with other people. I felt abnormal, and I hate feeling abnormal. We broke up.

I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm afraid of dying alone, even though a cat and a dog in a house with a yard would be awesome for me already. I want to feel that part of life, I want to say I lived love, I lived fully. That's no weakness. I don't usually disclose to people that I'm asexual because I don't think they're actually understood, and I'm already misunderstood enough. I think I'd be unconsciously left out, and I like being in. I like knowing new gossip, and half the times it happens to be about sex. I like sex jokes, I like how some sex is portrayed in media, I like engaging in what other people my age engage. I just don't like sex. Is it that weird?!

I never know when it's time to tell someone I'm making romantic advances that I don't want to have sex with them, but I don't. They're pretty and nice and I want to touch them and sleep with them, but not in a sex way. It's hard to tell, and it usually make things weird. I hate making things weird.

I'm thinking about "coming out" so I don't have to tell. Be a proud ace. But not now. I'm pretty and young, I like to decieve. Maybe soon. I want you to know I am not sexually attracted to you, and I just want to be close. I like being close. Maybe I'm demi or gray I don't know about the spectrum very well and I don't think I care. I don't think about sex with you (maybe I do, but thinking how it'd make a good story or a song), and I don't want to orgasm thinking of you.

I want to sleep with you, but only in the literal sense.

#actually asexual #yikes #my writing #my experiences #car seat headrest #is will toledo ace? I sure hope so

[lizzheartss]

B E I N G W I T H L I Z A T S C H O O L

you know how they say : She was Dolly at school

Look at her, she’s just not made for school.

Ok first of all, in starters her dad didn’t even want to send her to a public school, home school was fine, but her envious mother thought that if others knew that she was sent to a public school she was going to be seen as a know-it-all and boys would have grown tired of her, of course it didn’t work.

she was brilliant, full grades in all subjects, never skipped a grade never saw a digit lower than 90, colleges and universities already started to crawl around her as she entered middle school, her father was happy, just like always the Myoi clan was one of the bests in grades and schoolwork.

the decision of sending her to Ryoutei high school Academy was sudden, the whole clan war happened, and she was forced to go from her fancy all girls private school, to this shithole full of spoiled kids and morons.

and then she met you.

you were forced to become her partner in crime, she passes the E N T I R E day with you, you actually thought that she was going to leave you alone with all those hormonal girls that wanted some blood to suck and some guy to fool? How cute. Even if she comes from a healthy background and has drivers that can take her to the moon if asked, if you are one of those students that uses public resources such as bus and train, well first you had to explain to her that she needs the train ticket and that she can’t just yell at the train cap that you could afford the whole train because she didn’t want to wait in line for stamping the ticket, then she made the big sacrifice to take those with you.

it lasted less than one week, so you started to take the limousine with her, like a royal she travels in that 3 meters long expensive mean of transport, black and shined like a coin, she was calm again, in the car you two talked, she copied your homework, of course she had to go tailor a new dress for the important dinner with some prime minister of who remembers what clan! She didn’t have time to write an essay about prokaryotic and eukaryotic cells, her life’s hard!

When the driver drops ya’ll to school, the two of you get all type of looks, girls from lower clans that hate her, guys that are fighting for being noticed by her, other guys that are holding back from killing you as if a sore human deserves all that attention, other girls talking shit about her on how spoiled she is, and then the bell rings.

Now being in class with her is a roller coaster, she harassed the secretary so you two had the same exact classes, so ypu have to bare whatever nonsense she does, and believe me she does a lot, she’s like that annoying kid that you as a teenager have to babysit, sleeps in class, skips class, sometimes listens, sometimes doodles, sometimes passes notes to you writing how boring this class is, or….

“go shoot that damn Julius Caesar”

“we should’ve skipped this class”

“i’m snacking give me your water i didn’t bring mine”

“let me copy your math homework” “why? Didn’t you have the evening free yesterday?” “yes but i went shopping for a new hair curler instead, since i had the evening free”

you sigh, how can her grades make her rate 3rd in the whole school of she doesn’t do a damn thing at home or school? A mistery, then it is lunch time, you to usually lunch in two places: Library or Garden, you usually make your own lunch or buy from stores just like everyone else, she probably made you buy a matching lunch box, she wanted her chef to cook your school lunch everyday, you refused at least you had to make your own lunch since she already gives you a ride home and school and wanted to hire someone to do your homework and substitute you in tests, she has the prettiest lunches, her most eaten meal is sandwiches, she loves how everything can fit inside two pieces of white bread, she asks her chef to make tons of all with different ingredients, and brings water with her of course, most of times she asks her chef to sneak donuts in her lunch box for you, or directly buys desserts for the two of you to enjoy from 5 Michelin starts pastries.

then the day ends, more likely you babysitting shift ends, the two of you rarely hang out after school, maybe just a quick trip to the crepes stender for a snack, but usually you have to go at her home for making her get her homework done.

#Spotify #diabolik #diabolik boys #diabolik brothers #diabolik lovers #diabolik lovers oc #myoi liz #oc

[palettes-and-prompts]

hi! I was wondering if you could do some prompts about a couple where one of them is all prim and proper, like works in a huge company and goes home to family brunch every thursday, and the other is very punk rock, wears baggy clothes, has tattoos and is kind of a rascal? It could be a enemies to lovers dynamic or not, either is fine hehe I'm glad to see you're back, love your prompts <3

Sure thing!

1) "You don't get invited because you don't have class." "I'd rather have no class than be a snob like you."

2) "Wanna come to a rock concert with me?" "No." "You can give me a makeover after." "Fine."

3) "What the fuck is that?" "It's a spider." "Well, get it before it kills me, idiot!"

4) "What is this?" "It's an all you can eat buffet." "This is literally a breeding ground for germs!" "Can you not complain for like five minutes?"

5) "You killed the bug?" "Yes, Your Highness, your apartment is now bug free."

6) "I need you to pose as my date for this dinner." "You trying to piss off your parents again?" "Yes." "They still hate me?" "Yes." "Perfect."

7) "Here, take this and go buy me coffee." "This is my credit card." "And? Hurry up!"

8) "Britney is free. I need you to drive me to her concert immediately." "I don't know what that means." "Uh, it means I'm going to be devastated if I don't get to go to this concert. Keys. Drive. Now."

9) "I'm not your pack mule, Person A. I'm not carrying all these bags. It's a simple camping trip for one day. Why do you even need all these clothes and products?" "Because I like having options and the rest is for taking care of my skin. Something you should start doing if I'm honest."

10) "My family is here." "Good, they love me!" "I know." "Why are you mad? Think they'll put me in the will and not you?" "Yes, actually, please don't stay too long."

11) "Why do you get up so early just to get dressed up for college? It's early morning classes, why don't you just wear pajamas?" "Because some people still care, Person A."

12) "This family dinner means a lot to me." "Then I'll be on my best behavior." "Will you really?" "Yes, even though your parents don't like me I'll be nice."

13) "I thought rich people were supposed to walk slow. My legs are longer and I can't even keep up." "I'm hot, I have places to be and people who need to see me looking better than them."

14) "Hey, your parent just pulled me aside and told me if I hurt you they'll kill me. And they also congratulated me on our engagement. What the fuck did you tell them?" "I may have told them you asked me to marry you."

15) "You're so annoying." "And your outfit is obnoxious but I was going to remain quiet about it because I'm polite."

16) "You're good at math and science but bad at everything else? Why math and science?" "Um, because math is incredibly useful when there's a sale going on. And science because I like knowing which products are actually good for my hair and skin."

17) "Will you buy me this?" "You're rich, you have your own money." "Please?" "Fine."

18) "What are you listening to?" "Green Day. It's a punk rock band." "Like Avril Lavigne?" "Yes. Green Day is exactly like Avril Lavigne."

19) "The fuck even is brunch?" "Breakfast for lunch, it is literally in the name." "What's this?" "A mimosa." "A what?" "Just drink it."

20) "I feel all exposed in these jeans and this shirt." "You look hot." "I look like a mess, I look—you think I look hot in this?" "Let's go find the others."

1) To keep their parents from arranging a marriage for them, Person A lies and tells their entire family they're engaged. When questioned about it, the first person to come to mind is the last person they argued with, and their enemy, Person B. Person B is pissed when they find out but soon realizes they can get A to do whatever they want as long as they keep up the lie. Person B naturally gets along with A's family and after a night of good fun with everyone A realizes they might like not hate B as much as they thought.

2) Person A owns a fashion company and Person B is the annoyed punk who accidentally gets a modeling career when A runs out of models and B is attractive enough. B is incredibly photogenic and despite A and B's clashing personalities they manage to build up their careers and work very well together. When they chat at a party paparazzi gets a photo of them together sparking rumors of the two of them dating. When the public doesn't like it they clear up the rumors immediately only to end up falling for each other and wanting to date for real.

3) A is rich and owns their family's ad agency. While A does a poor job at it, Person B, who's been cleaning the building for a while, is better at A's job. B ends up fixing mistakes A makes during the night when no one's around. When business is good A begins searching for the person fixing everything. A and B don't really get along, but as business gets better and A's family is better to them A's personality changes and they become kinder now that there isn't pressure. After an incident happens, Person B is blamed for it and A fires them. When their problems are no longer getting fixed A's trying to figure out why. When A's assistant makes a passing comment about hiring a replacement custodian A realizes who's been fixing everything and tracks down B, confronting them about their changes. They apologize to B and tell them they want to hire them as their partner and will pay them even more. B agrees and things go back to the way they were except Person A has more respect for B, especially when they're able to really notice how attractive B looks in professional attire.

4) After their parents cut them off Person A is forced to get a job. Unable to get a job working at any of the more expensive clothing stores, A decides to try to work at one of the punk clothing stores. A tries to get Person B to hire them but B recognizes A and declines on the spot. When A is about to leave, a rush of customers come in and B is overwhelmed. Person A is able to help all of them find what they need with little effort and the customers take a liking to A because they're so helpful. B hires them on the spot. The two don't really get along but A makes B's job a lot easier. The two work well together. When A's parents decide to stop paying for their apartment, B admits they need a roommate anyway. A takes the offer, but things become difficult when they start to see each other half-naked all the time and begin to find that they don't hate it.

5) Person A is a troublemaker who's always had a thing for Person B, who can't stand A. Person B doesn't get along with their family but always eats with them once a week. When they decide they want to piss their parents off they ask Person A to pose as their lover and meet their family. A happily agrees as long as B will go on a real date with them. B agrees and A promises to just be themselves around B's family. While their parents don't like A's appearance, things begin to backfire when A starts talking. They find them funny and charming, much to B's annoyance. They invite A to holidays and, despite B's protests, A always agrees to show up. Person A bonds with the family and even help B bond more with certain members they didn't get along with beforehand. B finds A isn't as annoying as they first thought and slowly begins to fall for them.

6) After secretly falling in love over the summer, Person A and Person B are supposed to finish their last year of high school before going off to different colleges. Their parents don't like each other and their friends hate each other. The two of them decide to break up but get incredibly depressed when they have to pretend like they don't know each other. When their friends notice they end up going to the same diner. When the waiter asks where A and B are and mentions they normally come in together holding hands, both friend groups realizes why their friends are down in the dumps. The groups are annoyed but agree to work together to make A and B happy again and show them they're okay with their relationship.

7) Person A is a punk who steals cars, Person B is a bored socialite who's waiting in a car for the person they're arranged to marry to to come back. With cops on their tail, Person A ends up getting in the front seat of the car B's in and taking off with them, urging them to buckle up. B is terrified at first but soon enjoys how fast A drives. When they make it to A's garage with no one finding them, A expects B to be scared and ready to call the police but is surprised when B is laughing and asking if they can do it again. Person B gets along with everyone there despite not knowing anything about stealing cars. Person A explains they were almost caught and they wont be able to steal cars from there anymore. Person B tells A they know where they can steal cars. Person B is able to help A and their friends and in exchange Person A takes B to drag races and allows them to be in the car but only when they drive. The two begin falling for one another but have no clue how the other feels or if things between them will work out.

8) Person A is a wealthy individual who hates their life and ends up getting drunk and destroying the property of the person they're arranged to marry. Person B, who's always been no good in the eyes of A's family is able to get A home safely and even goes back to fix what A broke. When they're there they end up getting blamed for it. When A sobers up they bail B out of jail and promise to get things cleared up for them. Both of them begin hanging out more as they try to clear everything up and they discover they have more in common than they think. A's parents don't like them being around each other and neither does the person A's supposed to marry despite A telling them they're just friends. The two begin hanging out in secret but things get complicated when they end up kissing and realizing they want to be more than friends.

9) Person A has a sort of punk style while Person B has a more prim and proper look. The two end up dating and around the holidays A gets worried when they go to visit B's house because they want B's parents to like them. B's parents are very judgmental of B's life but when A comes to their house they're excited to meet the person who's brought a new sort of happiness to B's life and has them smiling more often than they were. They adore A and make sure to make them feel welcome. Meanwhile A's family, who's never been the judgmental type do not like B. B tries to bond with them over common interests but A's family just doesn't like them for some reason. The rest of the story is B trying to figure out what they've done wrong and A reassuring B that they don't care what their family thinks and neither should B.

10) Person A is a doctor for the rich but when Person B, an old middle school friend who's now an underground fighter, shows up at their door they're thrown into a life they weren't prepared for. A patches B up every time, telling B they don't think Person B should fight anymore. Person B finds the money amazing and refuses to give it up. They train harder and Person A forces themselves to go to the fights to make sure B is okay. Thinking B's just getting their ass handed to them they watch B fight and realize just how brutal of a fighter they really are. Person A ends up getting more clients after being at the fights and likes dealing with fighters more than rich people. They decide to take less hours at the hospital and the more time A spends with B the more in love the two become with each other. When a big fight comes up and A sees that the fighter B's going up against, Person C, nearly kills someone, they beg B to forfeit. B agrees, but when Person C says something about Person A that B doesn't like they tell C they're not forfeiting and that they're not going to lose.

#prompts #writing prompts #wholesome prompts #writer #love to hate #enemies to lovers prompts #enemies to friends to lovers #write #friends to lovers prompts #falling in love prompts #writing #dialogue prompts