#<- not putting into name tag bc i think u deserve better than having this there

[delcakoo]

i’m sure most ppl expected this so i’m not gonna make a big deal out of it but!! yes i am going on hiatus for an unspecified amount of time.

it’s honestly quite simple, i’ve just been losing interest in most aspects of kpop aside from the music, which makes writing for it a lot harder than before. i also dealt with a lot of burn out for months and still forced myself to write which only made it worse. lastly, i’m an executive of two clubs at my school this year on top of all my classes, so finding time to write would be even worse than it was before :’) !

YEAh that’s kinda it! for now my works will stay up, moots can dm me for my disc/spotify!! even if we’ve barely spoken pspsps i wanna stalk ur music cmere 🤲 a special shout out to my emoji anons too, you’re all amazing people ilysm, especially those that have been stuck with me for so long <3 (u know who u are!!)

i’ll try and check in here every so often to chat, esp if a new comeback for enha/txt happens!! love u guys and stay safe <3 you may send an ask if u have any questions!

extra stuff i wanna say to moots below! (it’s all word vomits i’m sorry)

RAVEN. MY WIFEY. my BELOVED blr wont let me tag u but you already know i adore u sm playing roblox with u is so fun even if that one banana game was kinda ass!! 💖 thank u for being so so sweet when putting up with me all the time and raising our fav corgi daughter with sm love <3 i hope u get more confidence in ur writing because your fics are always so creative and well written, and in yourself too bc a certain mf thats name starts with J and ends with N is MISSING OUT. 🙄🙄 ok im still gna be annoying u all the time so. bye ig….. smooches

@seongclb katto u deserve an award for putting up with me in dms ilysm 😞 watching the promised neverland together brought me so much joy and i still have a ss of you calling gilda a tractor ok i love u!!!! i would read your fics all day any day u are so talented and ur photography skills are amazing, i hope we get to keep in touch WE SHOULD FIND ANOTHER SHOW TO WATCH TGTHER !!!!! i need to fix your lack of anime knowledge ‼️ PLS KEEP WRITING AS WELL ENHABLR NEEDS U!!!!

@soov reirei my gf i aspire to be as confident and funny as you, you’re literal sunshine and always make my day better even with just one interaction <3 thank u for being so welcoming my first days in walmart enha and raising sushiwon with me!! as well as entertaining me by dying in genshin every 3 seconds <3 (WE NEED TO PLAY AGAIN) oh and KEEP WRITING BB. i will rise from THE DEAD WHEN IT COMES OUT OK U CAN DO THIS ML!!

@haknom kangaroo karaoke keys we may have had only a few convos but they were all so fun like PLAYING BRAWL STARS WAS HILARIOUS we ate the house down in duo showdown idc. and beta reading ur fics was such a treat esp while watching u plan new smaus every other day 🫶 also your music taste is MUWAH gimme some more recs pspsps !!! KEEP WRITING OKKK?!

@kynrki kimmy kimmy kim one of my first ever moots <3 your writing is always such a joy to read and your energy is amazing, thank you for giving me a chance when i was too shy to ask anyone else to be moots LMAO 🫶 plsplss keep writing you’re so gifted and deserve the whole world LOVEE UU

@bitehee cavvy my big sibling :((( i love u sm kshsdknd its been a while but i really hope everything has been well since you moved and you’re still being as cool as ever <3 im gonna replay a pokemon game in ur honor perhaps mystery dungeon 👁️ ? anyway i look up to u and think u are so cool, one of my fav hee stans ever ever!!! remember u have my disc if u ever wanna chat 🫂 !!!

@sunoksunny sunny <3 my other gf. i remember our first vc u had this goofy pfp i cant remember what it was but like u are so easy to talk to and funny?! and PRETTY??? your fits are always stunning and your singing is beautiful ugh the whole package fr… and. we need. to play. genshin!!! I REDOWNLOADED IT FOR U OK WE WILL DISCUSS THIS SOON!! ILY

@slytherinshua ZANNY. u are so easy to talk to we match each others energy so perfectly?!? I HOPE U AND TUALHA CONTINUE BEING THE COOLEST EVER and ur writing is top tier so pls keep going‼️ thank u for being so sweet to me as another one of my very first moots i appreciate u sm <3333

@flwrshee riri !!! we haven’t even been moots for long but i had to add u in here because u need to know that ILYSM. you’re like an adorable energetic little sister that always makes me smile T-T thank you for taking time out of your day to reblog my fics with so much sweet feedback and i wish u the absolute best always!! if u ever need anything pls dm me on disc i would love to chat with u more, and make sure to keep writing bc u have SO much talent!!!!

@wonieleles sia SIA i genuinely miss talking to u sm i NEED to come back to walmart enha :(( we don’t talk much besides our little interactions in the server but each time you make me smile. you’re so so smart and admirable, i hope you keep up the hard work bc i know you’ll go so far and HAVE MORE CONFIDENCE!! you’re so beautiful okay ily 😞🫶

@sultrybaby kel 😭😭😭💖💖 you’ve literally been a day one THANK YOU for always checking in on me even during your ridiculous NONSTOP EXAMS. 💀 another one of my big siblings on here fr you are such a real one and i care for u sm!!! i hope everything has been well for u?! pls feel free to message me for anything okay <3 I LOVE U SM thank u for sticking with me all this time 🫂🫂

i have so many moots so i can’t write smthn for everyone but i love u all okay <3 AGAIN if u wanna keep in touch thru spotify or discord dm me muwah

#delcakoo #so anyways… uh who watched the barbie movie!

[trudemaethien]

*skidding into your ask box in clown shoes*

ship: Rex/Cody

prompt: b a b y

okay okay prompt: yearning, responsibility, spoil

i do keep poking the next bit of that, promise, it’s just not quite. ready yet. pokepokecomeON

you have tagged me thrice for a last line, so have a pair of lines from the baby-fic and a freestanding other from an entirely unrelated work, then on to the main event:

“Cody kebbu bajur te’orikih sirbur buir,” Fox reports smugly, and Rex looks at Cody sharply.

“Kih’ika ven’gaii gar buir,” Cody hastens to add, “nu ash’ad, naas’mhi.”

—

The Admissions people had said the cadets who scored high enough for rank would be allowed their names back, and RF-7448 would very much like to be himself again.

Rex/Cody

Yearning Responsibility Spoil

(and bc i know what u like ive written u P A I N 😭)

“It only remains to decide the staffing of your new command, Anakin,” General Kenobi said to his newly knighted Padawan. “I have some suggestions, unless you have any requests for specific personnel?”

Around the meeting table, officers shifted. During this impromptu meeting called to inform the 7th Sky Command of Padawan Commander Skywalker’s unexpected promotion to General, Commander Cody had quickly drafted up his own set of suggestions, but unless General Kenobi was reading them from his mind with the Force, it was almost certainly not the same roster.

General Kenobi had not informed him in advance about this, let alone consulted him. Once again, a natborn was given precedence over Cody, no matter the absolute lack of experience, time in grade, or non-military promotion above more deserving leaders.

He suppressed his objections, and there were many, with utmost professionalism for as long as it took Skywalker to answer—not more than half a second.

“I want Rex,” the young Knight declared. “He’ll be my Captain and he can pick whoever else he wants to come along.”

Cody wasn’t that good at suppressing past his face, it seemed, because Kenobi and Skywalker both jerked around to look at him, Kenobi confused and Skywalker glaring. “Is something the matter?” they both asked, with very different intonations.

“He’s the best,” Skywalker said. “That’s what I need.”

“Did you have someone better in mind, Commander Cody?” Kenobi asked politely.

Cody steeled himself. “There is no one better,” he answered, and that was the Force-damned truth. “Captain Rex will submit his staffing recommendations within the hour, if there’s nothing else for us to cover here, Sirs?”

He couldn’t look at Rex as he sealed their separation. It was out of his hands.

“No, I think not,” Kenobi said genially. “You may go say your goodbyes.”

Cody swallowed his feelings about that into a black hole, and said, “Thank you, General Kenobi. Skywalker.” He stood and saluted properly and left the room after the rest of the clone staff.

They kept it proper all through the passageways, but as soon as the door of his quarters latched closed, Rex barreled into him and Cody caught him with all the strength he could muster.

A sob shook through Rex’s chest, and Cody squeezed him roughly. “None of that, now,” he reprimanded his brother.

“Fuck,” Rex cursed into his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Cody said wearily, “yeah, I know.”

“That nattie, jetii, civvie prick! Doesn’t think about anything except what he wants, and the rest of us have to put up and shut up; kark him,” Rex snarled.

Cody sighed heavily; he did not disagree.

“And you’re just letting him—you have Kenobi’s ear, you could—”

“I could what, Rex? It’s already done and dusted. Outmaneuvered. If he’d asked me first I could have guided it, maybe, but he didn’t, so my hands were tied. You were there!”

“Yeah,” Rex said bitterly, pulling away, “I was. The best. Not even a token protest, Cody? I’d rather you have called me half-rate and subpar, and gotten him to take …Checkmate, or Bliss instead.”

Cody said nothing, letting those words echo between them. Rex drooped.

“Sorry,” he muttered and sank onto Cody’s bunk, elbows on knees and face in his hands.

Cody knelt in front of him and pulled his hands away. All the reluctance and heartbreak he’d hidden in the meeting was clear on his face now and Rex could hardly meet his eyes.

“I don’t want to go,” he said futilely, voice small.

Cody closed his eyes to keep from tearing up, and bowed his head, leaning into Rex’s hold. He had to master himself for a long minute before he could speak.

His voice only shook a little when he said, “I love you, Rex.” Another steadying breath. “We still have a little time. Do you want to go over who I recommend, or—”

“Or,” Rex said, pulling him up from his knees. “Definitely, or.”

Responsibility Weighs Heavy 🔒 https://archiveofourown.org/works/51600688

#writing prompt #ask game #ask answered #last line game #star wars tcw #clones #cloneshipping #cody/rex #nonconverse #mando’a

[noyasboxdye]

Alright, maybe hcs of dabi with a switch poc boyfriend?

What his kinks are, what happens between y’all, how you met, and so.

Could be fluff and smut

Notes: I'm going thru my dabi phase again... maybe send help i think. the warnings kinda sound like it's gonna be angst but it isn't i swear :) i made so many of these for the fluff omg. Edit: @boytouya i forgot to tag you b4 i posted this. And i didn't proofread it b4 but i just did.

Header & Divider creds: @cutestsaiki & @gukgon

Word count: 1,033

Pairing: Dabi x poc! male! reader

Warnings: ooc dabi obviously, mentions of anxiety attacks, edging, switch reader/dabi, mirror fucking (?), praising, degradation, exhibitionism, marking

Fluffy hcs:

he loves you so fucking much oml

no bc he's actually whipped it's so cute :(

he rubs ur tummy and your head a lot

if you get headaches/migraines he does everything he can to help

he makes sure you have at least 2 meals and a snack every day

same with water

he really likes forehead kisses. he does them all the time

whenever he leaves the hideout or you guys' house he makes sure to tell you he loves you and to kiss you.

even if you're sleeping he still makes sure to tell you.

he really enjoys being the little spoon

when you guys sleep together he always rests his head in ur chest.

he'll wrap your arms around your waist and nuzzle his head into either your chest or neck while you play with his hair or rub his back.

if he wakes up with his head on your neck he'll kiss and bite on it.

when he cant cuddle with you in bed he'll rest his head on your thighs. or shoulder depending on where you are.

he likes it when you sit in his lap

he dances around the kitchen with you. his mother made him learn ball dancing classes so it's usually that.

if ppl are mean to you about anything he's on they ass in .5 secs

he doesn't use his quirk on you bc he's scared he's gonna burn you BUT he does have a naturally high body temperature so that's usually what keeps you warm

despite his body being warm his hands be cold asf. like he just came from outside in 5-degree weather (Fahrenheit)

(aimed towards blk ppl) he likes to watch you do twist outs and shit

(aimed towards blk ppl) he likes ur hair in a fro/twist out. he prefers you w/ ur hair like that than anything else. but he doesn't complain either way.

when you first started being physically affectionate with him you started with holding hands.

his hands used to sweat a lot about it bc of how nervous he was.

he feels bad that he can't leave the house a lot. he feels like you deserve better

he almost pissed himself when he met ur parents/parental figures.

like was shaking and sweating about it.

your mom liked him first. your dad was mean at first.

he threatened dabi that he would fuck him up if he hurt you.

then he started being nice after dabi said he was tryna marry you and whatnot

when he did propose he was stuttering and shit.

he wanted everything to be perfect so he didn't let anyone help.

he has nightmares a lot so when he does he won't wake you up (on purpose) he'll just put his head back on you

Smutty hcs

he like waking you up/being woken up with head.

he created fucking in front of a mirror

he has a mirror over your bed and as your headboard

sometimes when he's dom he'll let you fuck him instead of the other way around

he doesn't praise you during sex often

unless it's like him calling you a pretty slut/cocksleeve then no compliments <3

he's not the overstimming type. he likes to edge you instead

he has a daddy and master kink

he gives you huge ass marks on u neck. and sometimes most times he won't let you cover it. especially when you're around shiggy

he fucked you in front of shiggy once because he heard him moaning your name while he was beating.

he likes sexting you/sending nudes while ur out/at work

he's the type to send a nut vid w/ the sound on <33

he's such a whore for you omg

he absolutely loves being dommed by you he just doesn't know how to say it.

usually, when he's the dom and horny he just fucks you but instead, he has to ask for you to fuck him.

which makes him very nervous.

he likes being collared. especially the special ones that have "slut" and things like that on them

when he's close he begs. even if you don't make him beg to cum he still begs.

he's very shy during sex when you dom so he'll cover his face with his arm and start blushing really hard.

he whimpers a lot.

he likes being marked, whether it be hickeys or bruises from holding his hips too tight he's a whore for them.

will look at them in the mirror and just admire them.

he enjoys being praised. and he really loves being called your good boy.

he's not very bratty. he doesn't like it when you don't call him a good boy so he tries his best to be a good boy.

but when he is a brat it's really bad.

you're a very patient person when it comes to him and he knows that so he takes advantage of it

he'll flirt with your friends and his friends and taunt you about how little your dick is and how you couldn't fuck him properly much less dumb even if you tried your hardest.

he ends up crying 20 mins in...

he came a few times untouched and simply from your words

then he came like three times when you jerked him off.

then god knows how many times he came while you actually fucked him.

he really likes calling you pet names (daddy/sir/master/etc.)

he's so possessive.

he thinks about you making your friends watch you fuck him often. he would never tell you about it though because it's embarrassing

#noyas.works #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #bnha #mha #bnha fluff #mha fluff #bnha smut #mha smut #bnha x male reader #bnha x reader #bnha x you #bnha x y/n #mha x male reader #mha x reader #mha x you #mha x y/n #dabi #bnha dabi #mha dabi #dabi smut #dabi fluff #bnha touya #mha touya #touya smut #touya fluff #touya todoroki #dabi x male reader #dabi x reader #dabi x you

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Hey do you have a list of users you have blocked bc of their ships? I’m new on tumblr and I’m really worried I’ll reblog soemthing from a person who’s known for that without realizing

Oh boy have i got a lot of people/blogs blocked because of ships. Ummm, ya it’s quite the list. (I’ll put a / somewhere in the name just to ensure they don’t see it or it doesn’t end up on a search for them to avoid getting shit on by hateful people)

Kakas*ku blogs to block

Love/-Kaaiistudent

It’s-naruto-univers/e

V/ashito

B/luntkunai

m/ummapaintstheblues

p/etriikore

t/ipsyracounteur (fucking proud kakas*ku writer so, avoid. it’s legit written in their blog like it’s something to be proud of)

Kakasakumuses (i’m not even going to censor this one. someone thought it appropriate to make an RP blog of this nasty shit, they deserve to be called out)

s/p-none

k/umeramen (draws kakas*ku proudly)

m/allml

c/erezaharuno

t/otallyindestructiblekinda

m/oonvalentine

ch/arkyzombicorn

coye/st (is a kakar*n shipper, which itself is fine, but reblogs and supports kakas*ku so that’s a hard yuck)

k/akooshi

w/ickedblossom13

sayurinomo/e

absolutefandom-ru/bbish (the name is not a lie. they are rubbish)

Ksficrec (again, just...block it. it’s a side blog but tumblr likes to suggest blogs so save yourself having to see that trash)

timetodrawsakuras2k2/1 (i hate to say it, but always be weary of anyone who has sakura or kakashi in their name. espeshally if it says multipshipper. i know mine says multishipper, but i’m not nasty)

k/ayparker20 (has a dp of kakasaku kissing when Sakura is 16. block that shit)m/issjewelsart

o/warinaki

g/oldenrodsss

t/hatpinkshinobi

f/allen-in-dreams (will add i have seen a lot of her comments on the naruto confession blog and wholey shit the hate for MLM is incredable. clearly does not want to admit that their ship is trash and they’re nasty so they just call MLM shippers ‘feteshists’ and ‘toxic’ while shipping sakura with her sensei)

m/inene-hime and L/emony-thicket (act like shipping sakura with sasuke is somehow worse than shipping her with a man 14 years older than her who is her sensei)

t/eam7forever (it sickens me that someone has a Kakashi pic and claims to like him as a character, and ships him in a relationship that makes him a pedo groomer)

T/hatbabefiona

B/irkastan2018

c/hichots

f/ineillsignup

cool-kaka/shi-sama

B/ourniebna

s/asuke-sensei (ships Sakura with Kakashi, madara and basiclly every uchiha like a nasty)

b/ouncyirwin (their blog is called kakas*ku trash so at least they know they’re fucking gross)

u/rusaiwrites

s/tingingmetal

k/akashikxge

k/sanon

k/akashiharuno (again, kakashi kissing his 16 year old student as their header. these nasties have zero shame)

s/ummeringminor (also ships thor and loki so if you’re in the marvel fandom, block this shit)

m/rsgingles

y/allove 

k/yoties

l/isaflowers

Just plain Rude/Pits girls against girls (Like Sakura is better than hinata or vice versa bs)

Pink/barefacedbeauty (anti-hinata)

Naru/hinaluvrx (Anti sakura)

f/uckishimoto (just...just block)

D/ushman-e-jaan (there’s loving certain characters and agreeing with them, and there’s shitting on other characters for no reason. anti everyone but sasuke)

Draws inappropriate underage shit

M/alinov (kakashi and yamato doing nsfw with underage tenzo. we all know i love my boys but that’s just not fucking ok)

KakaN*ru nasties 

U/zumaki-hatake-julsemo

j/uuichibi (i genuinly cannot tell if they use kakan*ru as a tag for the friendship cuz none of the posts are terrible or super gross (at least not the one’s i risked opening, but seeing as that tag is all over their blog...best to be safe)

Y/odda123

Yukina94 (has a pic of kakashi kissing 16 year old Naruto. i am fucking sickened)

N/arugay-uzumaki

k/asht1suka

t/achi-uchi

m/uticolouredsomething

E/yum-ss

Kakashi and Sasuke shippers

t/ae-yonhye

Just other gross ships

Y/hane312 (Sasos*ku)

H/ataketenten (if the name doesn’t give it away, ships Kakashi with tenten and i want to vomit)

m/byak (Ships Sasuke and Boruto *barf*)

O/satokun (ships Anko and SHino)

k/onohagakureship (Kisame and Itachi shipper)

t/heuchihaoftheshadows (ships itachi and sasuke, and got blocked for not respecting that i don’t want anything to do with kakai*a)

m/ugiwara-lucy (gets here for defending kakas*ku)

a/nannua (ships minato with Kakashi and Obito)

l/okichcockich (ships asuma and shikamaru)

h/ikanon1336 (i think i got this one off of a list of ‘to block’ and it was that they had gross transphobic representations of a trans gaara)

e/vartandadam (Sasori and Sakura shipper)

y/omi-gaeru (Sakura multi-shipper are often cursed words. not always, but in this case they ship sakura with obito, madara and others)

g/aikage (gross racist drawings of gai)

M/alignedaddairs (Kakashi and Itachi shipper/drawer.)

b/rokebackkonoha (ships itachi with his little brother)

a/venger-hawk (ships itachi and sasuke)

it’s uh... it’s a long list and i’m sure (unfortunatly) this is not the end of it

#Anonymous #long post #a lot of these got blocked for interacting with my posts #when clearly i don't want that #so block #also I find (at first at least) that the best thing to do when you in see nice art is check the blog #vikktormoru is safe and amazing I know that for sure #as are all of the amazing artists I follow

[wri0thesley]

Hello I'm sorry for the bother but I don't think the link rules are working! So I wanna ask which jjk character do you do ? And do you accept fluff!

tumblr is absolutely KICKING MY ASS with my links at the moment :(((. i am going to post a read more and put them underneath this so i can link an alternative link for everyone who keeps having this problem! <3

r u l e s // b e f o r e   y o u   f o l l o w // i m p o r t a n t   i n f o 

i write for jojo parts 1-7, jujutsu kaisen, genshin impact and boku no hero academia! i am up to date with the manga for both jjk and bnha and may occasionally post leaks - i use [fandom] manga spoilers /// and [fandom] manga leaks ///! i will also tag for #stone ocean spoilers and #steel ball run spoilers! 

i used to write aged-up content. i no longer do. requests for nsfw fics should only be made for characters shown as 18+ in canon. you may come across old scenarios/headcanons from whilst i still wrote aged-up characters (a few years ago now). i will occasionally write sfw headcanons and headcanons only for characters under 18, but they will still be aged up to 25+ for these.

please don’t ask me specifically for scenarios. if i want to write a scenario/fic from your idea i will - asking for them in specific makes me panic about not doing a good job, so it’s better to request something expecting headcanons! <3

please don’t request scenarios or headcanons including the following: incest, ddlg/cgl/daddy kink/mommy kink/daddy doms etc, vomit, miscarriage/pregnancy loss or scat. please don’t send me requests about stroheim. please don’t send me requests about teacher/student relationships. i enoy writing darker themes depending on my mood, so feel free to send those requests in!

I follow and interact with and am friends with some dark content blogs. I also write yandere/non-con/dub-con content. If that makes you uncomfortable or will trigger you, please do not follow me. Whilst I don’t consider myself ‘pro-ship’ (there are very much certain ships i never want to see and i block shippers of; i won't share those, don't ask me to), I don’t condone harassment of anybody and I believe in fiction affecting reality only in certain ways - which is to say that I don’t think a properly tagged, warned fanfiction in a nsfw space about a yandere character by a writer who doesn’t condone the actions of said character is going to ‘normalise’ anything. i believe whole-heartedly in curating your online space to be a comfortable place for you. in the past, anons have brought up my trauma and belittled/pried/accused me of lying/accused me of deserving it. please consider not doing that. 

i often and regularly post nsfw content, so if you are a minor do not follow me. i block minors; i also try and block ageless blogs when i see them. 

no beta here, i die like a man. please be patient with me or let me know if i miss a horrible glaring error!

feel free to be as specific as you want in your ask! or as vague as you want, who am i to judge

please don’t send me reqs more than four characters all at once, i am but One Small Human! exceptions to this are characters who come as a package deal - Bruno’s Gang, La Squadra, Crusaders, Jojos! please don’t send me requests with characters from more than one fandom (that’s just bc it fucks up my tagging!)

if you’re a part of the badlydrawn/poorlydrawn/daily community, i don’t mind if you like or reblog my headcanon posts or whatever if you agree with them or like them but please please please don’t add in-character responses to whatever it is i’ve written! i just really don’t like it and it makes me feel mildly uncomfortable :c thank you!

please do not use gendered terms like queen/sis/etc for me! please do not call me ‘bestie’. please do NOT call me mom. my name is nat or pip and it’s right there and i LOVE when people start messages with it it makes me feel very special dfnkjvbjkngfb

please feel free to send me messages just to chat or whatever!! i love! having friends!

some further info on my dark content limits. i enjoy eroguro but very rarely write it, and i tag EVERYTHING to the best of my ability.

#nat.txt #rules post #Anonymous

[theouterbankpogues]

after sarah doesn’t invite kiara to her birthday party (a jj x kiara fic)

author : theouterbankpogues aka vi

fandom : jj x kie, jiara | outer banks on netflix

tags : the angst, the fluff, the hurt, the comfort y’know!!

warnings : none

i love writing for this ship bc it has a chokehold on me and i just... i’m so helpless lmao. i read this hc set by @lemon-patches​ (which you should definitely go and read bc it’s amazing and all the feelings) and it talked about how jj and ki were each other’s first kiss and no one else knows. this is basically how i imagine it happened. enjoy!! as always the validation feeds me so yeah if you like it pls share it and stuff (i love reading tags on reblogs so lmao do with that what u will). i imagine they are 15/16, about 6-8 months before s1 idk if that adds up but lol thats what i went with. sorry for any errors u may find xx

a little preview so u know what you’re getting into hehe: “They stood like that for a while, long and quiet breaths synced, arms entangled in waist and shoulders, hearts rhythmically beating, just enjoying the warmth of the best friend they dearly missed.”

Tears streamed down Kiara’s face. She knew that calling the cops was petty, she knew it was the worst of her manifesting itself, but tonight Ki couldn’t bring herself to care. She found herself toppling some books off of her bookshelf. She had always known that she wasn’t good enough for Sarah. The Sarah Cameron. God, she felt so stupid.

Another wave of regret coursed through her. The pit of her stomach hollowed when she re-remembered that she’d actually listened to her parents and decided to give her kook year a genuine try. She had distanced herself from the cut and the pogues, her best friends, the people that she could always count on, the people who always cared. She gave it all up for the superficial bullshit she knew would eventually fall apart.

That entire evening, the anger and regret approached her in harsh and unforgiving turns. She couldn’t escape her own thoughts, she was so mad at herself. She had let herself become vulnerable, given herself up for someone to use and dispose. She felt so weak. All she really wanted to do was fit in, to have a normal year where she wasn’t disappointing her parents, where she wasn’t out at unreasonable hours getting her friends out of messes, watching their string of luck grow thinner and thinner with every prank and practical joke. She was tired of being the middle between the kooks and pogues, she loved the latter and she could’t escape the part of her that was the former. She just wanted to resign to one side, she just wanted things to get easier. Kiara had decided to leave everything for some peace of mind, and now she knew she’d made a mistake. She hadn’t even checked in with John B, his dad was missing and she hadn’t even checked in with him. God, she felt so stupid. Her sobs overtook her as she sat at her bed.

She was so exhausted from the crying she could scream, it had been a few long hours. And Ki, in a moment of clarity, convinced herself that she was too strong for that. Even though she felt horrible, she reminded herself that she was too careful to let this anger get the best of her. Instead, she resorted to taking a few deep breaths and cleaning up the various books and stationary strewn across her bedroom floor as a remnant of her anger. What had happened had happened, she was just going to have to figure out how to cope on her own.

Yeah, I just have to figure it out on my own. I’ll be fine.

That’s when she heard it.

Thud.

Thud. Thud.

Thud.

‘What the-’

She realised that the sound was coming from her window. Stepping toward the side of her room facing the balcony, she realised that pebbles were currently being thrown at her window by a silhouette below it. She couldn’t tell who it was because the backdoor lights had been switched off for the night. It was well past midnight and her parents were soundly sleeping in the next room, she swore she would never forgive the person currently trying to break her window if they woke up. She didn’t want anyone to see her as the mess she was right now. So as quickly and as safely as Kiara could, she opened the balcony window, “What the actual— JJ? JJ is that you?” Kiara couldn’t really understand what was going on, she had stopped talking to the pogues months ago.

“Yeah, hey Ki! Come down!”

“What?”

“You heard me bro, get dressed and come down!”

After a curt nod, she went back into her room, changed out of her PJ’s into some joggers and a hoodie and found herself sneaking out the back door out of genuine curiosity. When she was outside, she realised that neither Pope nor John B were with JJ. Along with that, she realised that he had two boxes of pizza and some beer cans set down on the grass next to him.

“What the hell are you doing here?”

“I was scrolling through Instagram, realised you weren’t at the party, thought you might need a pick me up,” He seemed to register her tired face and puffy eyes under the dim starlight because he continued, “guess I was right!”

And that’s how, twenty minutes later, JJ and Ki found themselves in a clearing near her house. They sat down opposite each other, the pizza boxes separating them.

“Got your favourite, double cheese, double pepperoni and half the jalapeño.”

Except for the occasional direction here and there, Ki had been quite their entire walk. She couldn’t really even process what was happening. How was JJ here? Why was he talking to her after she’d treated them him like shit the past few months? None of it made sense to her, least of all why this was all from JJ. With all of it perplexing her, the only thing she managed to say was, “You remembered.”

‘Yeah of course I did Ki, just because you stopped talking to us doesn’t mean we stopped caring about you. Come on, dig in, it’s getting cold.”

She didn’t know how to respond to him so she just followed him in picking up a slice from the box. Warm pizza , cold beer and melted cheese heavily complemented the gentle breeze that surrounded them. They fell into a comfortable silence as they ate.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I know Ki-”

“No, everything I did these past few months, the way I cut you guys off, the way I left y’all when you needed me I-”

“Ki we know-”

“God, I’ve been so stupid, I left you guys, like y’all were nothing, y’all needed me and I-”

“Ki, Ki-” Ki just continued, she felt horrible, “KIARA!” JJ saying her full name was so foreign to her, especially since he hadn’t even call her by her nickname these past few months, it undoubtably got her to stop talking.

“I know the pressure your parents put on you to start at that kook academy. Look we all know how hard it is for you to manage these two parts of your life. I know Ki, you don’t have to keep apologising, I know. We know! Why do you think we didn’t try to talk to you when you told us last summer? We want you to do what’s best for you Ki, you are better than us.” At that, Kiara got up and paced back and forth a few steps, remorse hitting her unbearably. 

“I’m not better than any of you. A part of me wanted to leave you all behind.”

JJ’s response was almost instantaneous, “I don’t blame you for it!”

“Well you should! I left you and Pope. I left John B for god’s sake. His dad is most probably dead and I wasn’t theRE.... I-I’m not there.”

At this point the tears had returned to her and she broke on her last word. Her voice wasn’t steady anymore. “I left all of you... I left you.”

JJ couldn’t stand hearing Ki like this, there’s nothing he hated more than having to let down his guard and get real. But JJ, when she said that, realised that this wasn’t about him. 

“Yeah Ki you did, but fuck that. We know you love us, we know that it was a difficult call! You have to forgive yourself. The reason I came tonight was to let you know that you have the people that care about you Ki.”

He stepped toward her and looked her right in the eye, Ki had never seen someone so determined with compassion before, “Whatever you do Ki - if you wanna go to the kook academy, if you wanna be friends with Sarah Cameron, if you wanna cry about how horribly she treated you, if you wanna listen to your parents and not talk to us, if you wanna leave the cut- we’re never not going to have your back. You’re a pogue. You’re our pogue! And if Sarah Cameron can’t see how kickass you are, she doesn’t deserve you and she never did. You got us Ki, we’re always right here. No matter what.”

And throughout all of that, he hadn’t stopped looking directly at her. She was enamoured to say the least, she couldn’t remember the last time JJ talked about something that real, let alone carry an entire conversation himself. Knowing her words wouldn’t suffice, she hugged him. She smelt the sea salt in his hair and pizza grease on his shirt and it was the epitome of comfort to her. JJ hugged her right back, it meant the world to him that he could make her feel at least a bit better. They stood like that for a while, long and quiet breaths synced, arms entangled in waist and shoulders, hearts rhythmically beating, just enjoying the warmth of the best friend they dearly missed. 

Before they could completely untangle from the other, Ki looked back at JJ, god, how did she get so lucky to have someone like him in her life? The air lightened around them as she looked at him, his eyes regained the mischievous glint they always had. It might’ve been because she was slightly tipsy, or because he was staring so intently at her, but for some reason, it felt right. There was no waiting or thinking, she rested her hands on either side of JJ’s face and kissed him. His lips were chapped and they tasted like beer but she loved it. A rush of adrenaline ran through her, it was new and exciting. 

When JJ processed her soft lips on his, and her hands caressing his face, he pulled back. Along with confusion and surprise, there was something in his eyes that Ki couldn’t recognise. But before she decided on asking him what it was about, he was already kissing her again. 

And this time there seemed to be nothing holding him back. His hands were wrapped around her waist, she was grabbing fistfuls of his hair in reciprocation. They knew that they would never be able to do it again so they just gave in. His hands travelled to the small of her back and her neck and she swore that she had never felt something more intoxicating. 

Ki had forgotten where they even were when they broke for air. They were both just breathing, eyes closed and foreheads touching, it was the closest thing to perfect the either of them had ever felt.

When they opened their eyes and looked back at one and other, they were surprised at how comfortable it felt. How... un-awkward, it oddly felt right. But they knew what the rules were, they knew that when Ki got home, they would never talk about it again, and they were fine with that too.

As they approached her doorstep, JJ couldn’t help himself but ask, “Was that your first-” “Yeah.” “Yeah, mine too.” “What?” Kie thought he was joking, JJ had flirted with every other tourist at the boneyard since they were like ten, “Mine, too.” He repeated. There was an honesty to his response that stopped Ki from asking any further. 

She hugged him again. “Thank you for this. I missed you.” He hugged her right back.

“I missed you too. When you come back to us, more beer will be waiting for you no questions asked, don’t ever doubt it.” With that, he placed a soft kiss on her forehead and left. 

Ki had a small smile playing on her lips; she had never felt lighter in her life. 

#im actually proud of this #it came out so cute #jiara #jj x ki #ki x jj #kiara x jj #jj x kiara #obx #yes there are timeline inconsistencies #im sorry #outer banks #netflix obx #netflix outer banks #obx ff #obx hc #outer banks hc #outer banks fanfiction #outer banks ff #jiara hc #jiara ff #jiara fanfiction #user:theouterbankpogues

[sinkix]

《What your fav Haikyuu!! Character says about you│Nekoma Edition》

Yo-hoo! Here’s another part to this potential(?) series! I hope you enjoy the possible call-outs in some of these lmao. Writers block been kicking my ass recently but I had a lot of fun writing these. Enjoy <3

You can find the Karasuno ver. here 

✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧ ✧✧✧✧✧

Kuroo:

Have a hand fetish and will not say no to choking.

Daddy kink™

Will not accept anything below 6 inches.

More of a dog person but would love to own a black cat.

You drool over tattoos.

Your grades are mostly B’s but you know in your heart you deserve that A, and tbh you probably do. Chase ur goals bby.

Halloween is likely your favourite holiday.

You have to resist not to carve a dick into the pumpkin EvEry GodDAmN YeAr.

You either study for 6 hours consecutively or cannot study at all and you get very frustrated at this.

Have the potential to be a good leader and command the room but probably don’t put it to use as much as you should.

Your playlist parkours from sad 3am crying into your pillow songs to aggressive punk music you could rob a store to.

You like bad boys who hang around bars and look like they would put out a cigarette on your forearm and call you a slut. Just stating facts sweaty xoxo.

Either dress very feminine and girly with a ‘smol girl uwu’ aesthetic or a hardass punk who would kick your ass for a can of beer no in between and tbh both are equally hot.

You’re a big softie at heart either way and just want to be held and told everything will be okay.

Ur a hoe for when people stroke your hair or caress your chin it’s your ultimate weakness.

Watched Rick & Morty.

Twice.

Sleeves rolled up veiny forearms and donning a silver watch are your muse and something you fantasise about frequently.

Most of your memes are shitty top text bottom texts that are somehow funny and I don’t understand why lmao.

You call someone ‘bro’ even if it’s someone you’re immensely attracted to.

Did someone say ties? No it’s just ur dirty ass thoughts thinking about that hot business dudes attire from across the street and how you wish they were tied around ur wrists.

Probably had a crush on Jeff the Killer as a tween and are relentlessly haunted by your old Wattpad library. 

Tbh any dark-haired dude with bedhead that screams rugged and probably not good for you is something that draws you like a moth to a flame.

You often question why every person you’ve fallen for has been a Scorpio and curse that tendency of yours.

Dw man they’re hot so I feel u.

Kenma:

Went through a ‘I’m not like other __’ phase and it’s something that you think about a lot and wish you didn’t.

Watched dan & phil as a kid.

Any mention of Pokemon has you turning into a rabid beast you get way too excited.

It’s cute though dw bby.

Pretty antisocial but interesting to talk to.

Your family often question how you’re able to sleep in till 3pm and judge you heavily for it.

Nocturnal night owl gang rise up.

Frequently have bags under your eyes but somehow manage to pull it off.

Listen to ASMR on the down-low and will never admit it to a single soul.

Frequently go on BL binges and have many related book marks.

You pray that someone will never find your laptop bc holy fuck the amount of smut on that.

You wear scarves & beanies even when it isn’t that cold outside.

100% went through a scene hair phase/attempted to.

You dye your hair a lot or REALLY want to.

You have a voice kink low-key so anyone with a pleasant/soothing sounding voice just gets u goin’.

Cats are your favourite animal and you either do or want to own several.

Would name them after video game/anime characters u fuckin nerd lol.

Speaking of cats ,you fantasise heavily about cat-boys and have a folder dedicated to them.

Oversized hoodies are your vibe and always ball the sleeve hems in your fist as a comfort mechanism.

Shopping centres are your worst nightmare and trigger your claustrophobia or social anxiety and honestly I feel that spiritually.

Have a cute sticky note collection.

You like a lot of music consisting of guitar and slow/soothing beats.

You also fw EDM/ techno on occasions.

Honestly wouldn’t wanna anger you since you have a seething temper when pushed far enough.

It’s the kinda temper that’s eerily quiet but no less terrifying, like the other person can tell you are graphically plotting their demise.

You love sleeping to the sound of rainfall and often play those nature ambience videos while you sleep.

Never tidy your sheets and it’s just a big scrunched up heap of fabric in the centre of your mattress most of the time.

Make your fucking bed.

Lev:

Your ships are chaotic and shamelessly controversial.

Would do something just for the sake of creating mayhem lmao.

You were the fucker who stuck their chewing gum under the desk, I see you.

Your brain never stops whirring it’s a constant hurricane of crackhead energy and you have no idea how to turn it off. 

Would eat a stick of pencil lead for $2

You don’t help your situation with the amount of coffee/energy drinks you consume.

The class clown who cries themselves to sleep.

Such a wholesome dumbass but somehow kinda intimidating??? 

Even if you’re not confident you can do something you’ll try anyway and honestly I respect that about you.

You !! use!!! a lot??!! of!! random punctuation!!! so you always??!?!? seem!!111!! excited!!!!!11!?

Every time you’ve ever tried to make a sandcastle it has failed.

You tried to eat the sand once but we don’t talk bout that.

You would  also pick up slugs and snails and chase your friends around with them.

Can never tell whether people are laughing with you or at you and while you don’t let it show it high-key bothers you when you’re laying alone in your room at night.

Not one to hold grudges, you carry a ‘shit happens’ mentality which is v good but it sometimes leads to people taking advantage of it or walking all over you.

Your meme collection is both questionable and horrifying.

Like how many cursed images and heavily distorted pictures does one person need.

Never organise the files on your PC/laptop so it looks like a complete dumpster fire.

The one at sleepovers who persistently woke everyone else up with their snickering and refusal to sleep till dawn.

For the love of Asahi charge your damn phone.

I see that red bar and ‘12%’

Charge it now.

Bought a plant one time, gave it a name and talked to it frequently.

It died not long after bc u forgot to fucking water it.

No one better ever make you responsible for a pet.

Type of person that when someone asks you to tag along on an endeavour no matter how stupid it is you will agree.

2am skydiving in france? hell yeah.

Midnight shopping spree and spending over half your pay check? count you in.

Exploring an abandoned hospital and performing an Ouija board to summon the demons of hell? you’re damn right you’ll be there.

I hope you have a mum friend by your side bc if not how are you still alive.

You sometimes put the milk in before the cereal and it’s something I’ll never forgive you for.

Yaku:

Very responsible and usually make the right decisions.

You do have moments where you act like a complete dumbass though.

Like u go from 50 year old to 5 year old in the blink of an eye.

A hopeless romantic but it’s a side you don’t often reveal.

Prefer strawberry milk over any other flavour.

You’re the type of person to shower twice a day w/o fail.

Where that stank smell coming from? Not you clearly bc your skin is basically 90% The Body Shop’s rose scented soap at this point.

You get stomach aches a lot and you can’t figure out why.

Probably an allergy to everyone’s bs.

Really good at dirty talk even though you don’t seem the type so people are always taken aback.

You have to be really in the mood though otherwise it falls flatter than Oikawa’s ass, use your skill wisely.

You often call people clowns when you know you’re secretly the biggest one going.

Honk honk, hoe.

You send messages in one paragraph rather than multiple texts unless you are REALLY excited.

People underestimate you at times then are shocked when they realise you are capable of being a fire-breathing dragon from the flaming pits of hell.

You like spicy chicken wings.

Such a petty little shit at times lmao.

Enjoy the view from the top of mountains so you either hike a lot or really want to.

Way more of a cat person since it’s just much more convenient for you.

Usually pretty cheerful or calm and people are drawn to your stable/friendly aura.

Went through a phase of drinking mountain dew and your body still feels the awful effects

Fav element is probably air.

You’re 5′6″ or shorter.

Box dyed your hair brunette several times and can never get the pigment out to this day.

Yamamoto:

Whenever you smell something weird in the room you always internally freak out and think it’s you.

Head-butting walls is your hobby.

You fell off your bike as a kid and still have the scar on your knee.

Probably have tons of ear piercings.

Would tame a pigeon and call it Larry.

You get frequent nosebleeds and can never tell if it’s a medical issue or your extreme simping for fictional men/women.

Hopefully the latter.

You constantly chew your pen/pencil in class so you never lend them to anyone out of embarrassment.

I really hope no one ever lends you stationery bc 30 minutes later it’ll look like it was mauled by a rabid rottweiler.

You really want to own a dog and would call it something intimidating like Banshee or Diablo.

You bleached your hair that one time and it almost fell out so now you’re forced to stay at least 10 metres away from all at-home hair dye products.

You tried your best though bby so A for effort, even if it did look like dehydrated ramen afterwards.

Your grades are mostly C’s and you’re barely passing bc you just don’t care about your classes lol.

Still though you’re actually pretty smart so put it to good use you lazy oaf, channel that crackhead energy into something good.

Your phone screen has several cracks in it from when you dropped it on the bathroom floor while shitting and you’ll always be angry at yourself for that.

You have some really weird quirks but you make it work.

Actually a v chill person but you just kinda attract chaos/trouble wherever you go.

Carry a lighter with you even when you don’t need one.

Shy texter but once people see you irl you are the complete opposite, you just dk how to text without coming across as awkward.

One of those people that’s unintentionally funny and always get confused when you make someone laugh but it makes you feel good regardless.

Have a cool necklace collection and own at least one dog-tag/army style pendant.

Should really consider buying a rabbit you would look so cute w/ one.

You have really nice legs and people should compliment them more.

Either severely dehydrated or overly hydrated to the point you are peeing pure tap water so for the love of god please learn moderation, your kidneys and bladder will thank you for it.

Inuoka:

Your favourite character would be Hinata but you like people taller than you so your love for Inuoka spawned.

You really enjoy using the double spiderman meme.

Cannot correctly verbalise your feelings without creating a minimum of 10 misunderstandings but once people are used to it it’s kinda endearing.

You usually wake up in a good mood and people can never fathom how or why.

You either stay up till 5am or you wake up at that time no in between.

A morning person bc you love the sunrise.

Change your lock-screen very regularly bc you get bored.

Your humour consists solely of poop jokes.

When you don’t understand a joke you laugh anyway and hope they don’t ask you if you actually get it.

Happened once and you’re still traumatised from the cricket silence that fell upon the room.

Really like the taste of lemonade and drink it more often than you should.

Often think about what you would look like with a shaved head.

More of an extrovert but def have occasional introvert tendencies where you wanna be left tf alone.

Never allowed to pick up anything in stores bc the last time you did you sniffed a scented candle and it shattered to the floor.

Constantly have spontaneous ideas of what to change about your appearance.

You use a lot of hand gestures like thumbs up and peace signs.

‘Dude’ and ‘lmao’ is 90% of your vernacular.

Your nails are a disaster, some are down to the nub while others are pretty grown out bc you only bite a select few please sort it out.

Look really good in red.

Your laptop has way too many tabs open from random google searches of words you didn’t know the meaning to.

You read a lot of books but for like 10 minutes at a time bc you have the attention span of a walnut.

You are the type of person to nuke your AO3 tags with things that aren’t even relevant purely bc you found them funny.

Your Tumblr drafts are a nightmare, you have like 100+ in the works yet keep starting new projects why do you do this.

Happy sunshine but you have a LOT of mood swings like that shit comes out of nowhere.

Cry pretty often but no one ever sees and it’s usually because of said mood swings.

You always smile and pick yourself up again though which I commend you for.

TYPES IN CAPITALS IN SITUATIONS THAT DO NOT REQUIRE SAID PUNCTUATION SO YOU SEEM LIKE YOU’RE YELLING ALL THE TIME.

#hq #haikyuu #nekoma #yaku morisuke #lev haiba #yamamoto taketora #kuroo testuro #kenma kozume #inuoka sou

[misterbitches]

This is a personal kinda critique/my thoughts w the show im in my phone in a hotel w my parents in boston and im just rly fucking crazy rn and i cant put a read more link my bad. tagging it just in case cos i have some technical thoughts too but i doubt ppl care. I may delete this. Why is ttumblr for iphone so vad where the eff is the read more jawn.......ANYWAY

my uncle died and it has taken an insane emotional toll on me more than i thought possible. spiraling me i to an episode. when the pandemic began, i remember i was watching 2gether and it gave me solace because i had nothing else. i lost two jobs—one very important for my career—my relationship with my parents is fraught, im 29, and i have to live with them. but when i look back on 2gether, since it was what i was doing a lot at the time bc we could do even less than now, i dont feel a connection i just watched it at the time.

blih may be like this, but my uncle died...the day before it aired. I guess i watched it the next day out of desperation. I just went to check and im crying now. Idk what memories ill have of the show and i hate marking periods of my life by such silly capitalist output but what choice do we have anyway? it was nice because i got to see something mild and sweet.

and i have to say, the mom cameo was really touching. so was director mai. having grief and having a really neglected childhood those two things made me cry. they got his mother’s reaction downpat to losing the love of her life and being a widow—it hit me like a ton of bricks to hear that talk then go to the memorial service snd take care of my cousins and be there for my aunt. Im no one and not a widow but that type of love for a partner and being able to celebrate him abd love him completely forever and not having the memory leave you. It is important to me to see that it is possible. This could lie the rub between BL just for BL sake or like actual shows that are dramas that happen to have different types of ppl and not ignoring their way of life or possibility (“querrness means possibility” - a famous thai auteur named joe)

love is a really beautifl and previous thing and people deserve happiness and respect and to be loved. theres a person who is with you and the people around you and one day they could leave. for whatever reason. should we not try? if not for the emotional buts i think the show would be something people care less avout but that was a draw. and for the first time in so long especially for a BL i thought, “wow, i feel something and i’m having fun.”

it’s hsrd to talk about and personal. i miss him more than life itself. Some days it is so bad. I want to exit the earth and dnot do it anymore. but theres little teeny thngs that make it a bit better to hold on. lol theres so much to do and to be happy with. and so much to fall into despair. id rather watch it go by but i dont want to miss a chance to feel what they feel or loving people around me and finding the love of my life and my calling.

it was nice to wait for something every week that was sort of like a friend and to see a lot of the same problems im facing too. pain of loss and moving on isnt running away i guess. im similar to jyz in the fact that id rather not do it at all to not lose what i never had. i wish i didnt know my uncle, because i wouldnt feel this way but if i never knew him bow could i have loved someone so much and known him? wouldnt that bee a loss? isnt giving up and closing yourself off to force people to come to you because youre scared just as slefish? Dunno.

The show made me think a lot ans it was just perfect timing i guess. it didnt help me run away from my demons but it quelled them for a time and reminded me i could be better too.

Now as an artist with insane abandonment issues i can safely say that production mistakes were a plenty and most egregiously i would NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER be able to handle the level of stress of having someone that fucking left me back. That would destroy me, when JYZ was upset around him i was and all the signs were about a relaly oppressive difficult person but they introduced him too late. but ironically i saw the patterns of abuse i went/go through w my parents and my distrust meter skyrocketed and because aaron lai is a good actor, it extra hurt. he acted like a small child—the same feelings i was having at that exact week and i felt the force of it. I feel like that was a missed opportunity and i get why but this is what i mean about the feelings they were able to get down. The actors did legwork from the script to their delivery but it alsk means the script wasnt totally atrocious. Ok now im talking in circles.

This is kinda like to my star, a nice show, tranqhil, and sorrowful but eventually just hopeful. Maybe it’s the hopefulness and peace idk. I just wish my life was calm like that but again escapism abd then they hit u with the rela shit and u cant take it

And the little prince....st exupery was an anti fascist so thats good but the whimsy of that book and the beauty of continuing or...the prince knew he was heading first into something he may not make it out of but he did it because why not? Why not go to the fullest? Nothing is set in stone. The prince didn’t understand adults but he didnt have to. He was going through life searching and encountered hardships but still took the chance. He didnt run away.

#be loved in house

[seoschangbin]

Hi hi, it’s ya gal Rachel! To start off, this isn't really a follow forever but more of a mushy love fest. I was going to do this back in October when my blog hit 2 years but then with everything that happened... 😞✌ figured it wasn’t the best time! But since it’s the new year, I just wanted to spread some love to start off the decade, especially towards all the lovely people who have made my 2019 a little bit happier ♡ Thank you to everyone for making this such a fun & amazing year; thank you for supporting my gifs & graphics and interacting with me; overall, thank you for making Tumblr fun again! So to all my moots and followers, I’m wishing you all a very happy and wonderful 2020! 

I wanted to take some time as well to write some messages to all my mutuals - seeing you guys on my dash + all your work (if you’re a cc) is such a joy and I admire all of you very very much! Thank you for putting in the time to making gifs/graphics/fic/etc. and I hope you won’t mind if I gush about you a little, even if we’ve never spoken hehe! Under the cut in alphabetic order.. she’s a long one sorry!

@00hj | karen!! angel!! first of all, everything u make is just the cleanest cutest thing ever, i truly want your brain!.. u are such an incredibly talented gfx creator and i get heart palpitations every time i see ur work!! i adore u so much n ur tags are also so full of sweetness n purity and 😞💕 i just want to give u a hug!! + the way u always say hi to ccs in ur tags when u rb their stuff. cute!! pure!! 

@01degree | joanna!! first of all... thank u for filling my dash with so many groups, some of which i almost never get to see 😌💕 ur brain being multi af like me.. chefs kiss! also! you make such clean and nice gifs please don’t ever doubt that laskjd!! 2020 joanna stops saying her gifs suck! idk how u make them so clean but legends only! bls remember to be kind to yourself this year! 💕

@1095 | nicolle!! i haven’t seen you around recently but i hope everything is okay and you’re doing well! i have to say that your graphics are absolutely INSANE i don’t know how you do it!! the colours.. how it all comes together.. amazing! ur career as a graphic designer will be a good one 😌👍 secondly your urls are always so cute nd nice!! and thirdly back to number 1.. i just love everything you make so so much bls come back to us 😖

@3noracha |  falak.. ur the fandom’s gem.. the sharpening on ur gifs takes my breath away everytime + the colouring.. omg chef’s kiss!! i didn’t know you before you came back earlier this year but i’m so so glad you did come back bc u are so full of love 😳💗 you make the cutest graphics as well and are just radiate so much positivity 💞

@bamgchan | henri! still my confident car selfie king!! so glad i found you through sagey.. i love all your content (ur graphics.. always so well put together!) and the way you interact with people is so full of energy and positivity and i adore that! i hope 2020 treats you well 🥰

@banghans | ollie!! all of ur content.. ur gifs! amazing.. wonderful.. iconic thank you for providing so much hq content for the rest of us peasants 😌💕 your love for chan and jisung is also so pure n cute when u rave abt it 💞 bls stop being so hard on yourself and i love reading about how you’re always striving to be better to yourself! i hope 2020 is a good year for you 💖

@binnieseason | emily.. a loss for binnie stans that you’re gone 😔 anyways i hope to see you back sometime because you make such nice gifs + the colouring on them.. so pretty and clean.. how to be you! i hope things are okay with you and that you’ve been well!

@cb-97s | miss li! y/a novel protagonist herself!! li you’re a burst of sunshine in my day and i love chatting w u! your love for chan.. too pure 😭 every time i talk to you i’m like.. dang.. she’s real.. ppl get to see her for real! might force u to meet me irl 🤷‍♀️ also queen of gfx.. always so clean.. 😍 i know it’s been a stressful year for you but i hope 2020 brings you happiness and love 💞 love u! 

@changbeanie | hi ruby! ur graphics are always so intricate n pretty + the colouring on ur gifs.. so pretty 😭💖 thank you for providing like 90% of the changbin content nd keeping me well-fed 🥰 ur always so sweet to ur anons as well and are just a lil ray of sunshine ☀️

@changbinie​ | jo.. what even is there to say abt u.. still can’t believe i got u into skz.. CAN’T!!! thanks for suffering w me and dealin w me wakin u to talk abt middies.. + changbin arms.. i love u a little i think (?) 

@channie | hi fishy! ur one of the very first skz blogs i ever followed back in 2017.. we ancient 😌🤙 i know you’re not too active anymore but all of your gifs have like. the prettiest colouring ever idk how you do it! i hope you’ll come back to us 

@elfminho | min! i love the way u tag skz in your tags.. so cute 😭 star boy!!! cute 😭 ur gifs are also lovely as well 🥰 i think ur one of the first skz blogs i followed when i starting using this blog again n i’m glad i found ur blog bc i adore u 💞

@glowsvt | grace.. my little baby! i wish i could just !! get into ur brain how lovely nd wonderful of a human you are.. have more confidence in yourself! 😣 you make wonderful graphics.. ur style! cute! and you have such a sweet and good heart!! i love when you ramble about things and always appreciate how you take the time to reach out to me despite how busy you are 💕 thank you for being a real-life angel, i hope 2020 is good and kind to you 🙇‍♀️💞

@hanjisungz | britt!!! nerd squad let’s go!! you’re such an angel, the way you treat everyone who talks to you with so much kindness and positivity makes me want to cry!! ur truly just the cutest sunbeam and just such lovely lovely human!! thank u for puttin up with my late replies and how boring i am 😭 i also adore your gifs and icons.. which you know.. but always.. chefs kiss to them!

@huiracha | marie... first of all skz AND ptg? great, amazing, fantastic combination... galaxy brain 💞 secondly, u make such SUCH nice gifs 😭 ur prob one of my fav skz ccs and all ur pretty chan comp sets.. always look forward to them! thank u for also bringing me ptg content i never see enough of them 💕

@hwang-hyunjin | agnes!! ur topaz settings r always insane and they make your gifs look amazing!! + the colouring u do is always so beautiful!! the combo rly makes ur gifs so distinctive nd pretty💞 ur edits too!! just lovely 🥰 also the fact that we’re also moots on our mx blogs.. amazing.. i love a staybebe!! 

@hyunjins​ | godleigh???? still one of my fav gifmakers ever!! perfect colouring.. sharpening.. best brain! 💞 rmbr ur skz x prince series... still think abt it sometimes.. wish i could be half as brilliant as u!  i’m so glad we started talking bc u are incredibly funny and fun to talk to and i love witnessing ur breakdowns even though they’re probably way funnier to me than they should be 😭 love that u vibe w me and we can be mean together 😭 thank u for giving me this url 😭 thank u for being my friend, u truly are like. half the reason i enjoy being on this blog 😭 you’re wonderful and i love u a lot! sorry for clowning u sometimes! i hope everything sorts itself out soon bc u deserve some peace nd happiness 😩 and i wish u nothing but the best for this year and hope that the next year will be filled with good things 💖

@ifbin | mikaela.... u know i could talk abt you forever right???? ur graphics.. bro 😭 literally my fav gfx ever on this site.. u have such a vibrant + clean style it’s so sexy 😭 literally am in love with everything u make.. every time i see it i’m like 😳💖 also you’re such a sweetheart in your tags i can’t with you... spare friendship miss 💍

@jeonginz | bri! honestly.. i think you’re my oldest mutual from when we first started our blogs during survival era #ogs? 😳 when i found out you were nctmark... mind blown... anyways all your content is AMAZING even though u dont make as much for skz anymore msdg but ur dedication to all ur sideblogs.. galaxy brain 😌

@jinlix | kelly...!! still gazing at u across the river i love love love u!! how to purchase friendship? ur just the purest snowflake and a wonderful person with the cutest tags... ur love for hyunjin.. CUTE 💞 all your graphics are so pretty and clean as well.. dragonlix gfx never forgotten.. 😳 and you’re rly just a little angel!! 💞

@kim-woojins​ | emma, i know that you’re gone and closed pretty much but if you come back to this! just wanted to let you know that you were my fav woojin cc and i hope you’ll consider coming back someday 💖 your gifs.. always amazing! plus, you’re such a kind person and i hope everything is okay with you and things have settled a bit! sending you lots of love 💕

@kittylixie | moon.. honestly one day i just started seeing ur content everywhere.. ur gifs are so clean and pretty and just! mwah! you’re always so quick to gif as well i don’t know how you to do it! all the stuff you choose to gif as well.. best moments 💖

@kmwoojins | sagey.... still don’t really know how i came to be following you! 😩 but i’m so happy i am because you are so pure and sweet and i adore adore adore you!! 💞 love how welcoming and lovely you are as a human and still laugh every time i think about how shocked you are about jo and i... 😌 anyways i adore your graphics and you, thank you for just being such a lovely human, you were a wonderful part of my year 💖

@leeminho-s | hi lia! i know we only became moots recently but all your gifs.. so pretty 😳 and we never have enough minho content.. thank you for providing 😫 i’m sorry i don’t know much about you yet but i just wanted to say i admire your gifs so much and hope you have a wonderful start to the new year!

@minknows | hi thien! first of all.. your name.. so lovely 😳 secondly.. the colouring on your gifs is always so pretty and good 😭❤ the sharpening too.. 😔 just!! chefs kiss to it all, would take a class on how to gif from you 🙇‍♀️

@nochous | dez!! we haven’t interacted much on this sb of mine but hehe i loved our convo on my sf9 blog.. still always thinkin abt you calling kun daddy 😭 you’re such a fun person to talk to and i hope everything is okay with you since you’ve gone on a semi-hiatus! i hope we’ll have another chance to talk soon, sending you some good energy for 2020 💗

@prodskz | hi neha! i feel like you took a hiatus sometime this year (??) where i didn’t see you on much but i’m happy to see you a little more active on here now!! u provide such nice content + for some reason i rly rly love your icon 😭💗

@realstraykids | miss em.. secret santa FATED us 😔💕 anyways i adore you, we are the core of fantastay culture and this will forever unite us 😌 i’m vibrating at the thought of their comeback 😖 ANYWAYS you are such a friendly and lovely person and i enjoyed getting to talk with u so much over the past couple of weeks 💖 you’re one of my fav gifmakers honestly your mv aesthetics swap.. as i said.. 😭 amazing iconic showstopping! + the colouring on all your gifs.. so pretty 😭

@seungminhos |  to quote you. you are far too funny to be a gifmaker 😣 but then who would provide all the good seungmin content.. 😞 you’re such a force of nature on my dash and i love reading all your thoughts bc you are Funny.. and your love for seungmin + how you always want the best for him is pure!! our sporadic interactions too.. always enjoy them 💕 even though i know you’re stressed about being on here sometimes, i want you to know that you’re wonderful and i appreciate all you do to bring more seungmin on our dashes 💗 pls stop threatening to delete your blog, i would be devastated 😫

@seungminsmile | aurora!! the one time i was about to have a seungmin breakdown and went to you... hehe you’re such a cutie and very grounded person (imo!!) and you make the cutest little graphics.. the little doodles.. how do you do that!! 😳 and now that you’re making gifs.. Queen! i hope your first semester went well! 💕

@seunie | hello nia!! i know we are still new moots but you are such a pure soul.. just ur blog title.. angel! you radiate so much love and sweetness 💞 your gifs are always so vibrant + colourful as well and bring a bit of colour onto my dash just like you! hopefully we can speak in the coming year, i wish you the very best! 🥰

@skzbffie | rayana... all ur gifs... bro.... how to start a rayana religion... amazing 😍 ur gifs are always so clean + i can recognize them by the subtitle font you use.. u always choose the best moments to gif honestly how to be u! honestly ur tags are fun to read too don’t judge me i am just an admirer and fan of u 😭

@skznta | miss sierra! idk how to put it into words but you... goddess of goodness? you truly radiate so much positivity and happiness and it makes me so.. uwu (for lack of better words).. you’re so so cute over all your love for science and i’m glad we got to bond over that! the way you’re always striving to learn more + improve yourself.. u inspire me 😳 you are also an incredible cc and thank you for bringing so much joy into the fandom and my life!! i feel very grateful to have gotten to know you a little this year 💞

@thechanboys | jem.. u are a GEM... 😭 the way i got u for secret santa i’ll never get over it!! you are just such sunshine and so fun to talk to and 😳💞 if u ever wanna abandon bin for me.. 😌 my fav number one chan/bin stan..! i’m so happy you got into skz this year and i’m gonna try my hardest to get you into some other groups hehe 🤧 anyways, you are incredible, lovely, wonderful, amazing i love u jem!! 💖

@tinyjisung | bea! honestly.. we are moots on like 3(?) blogs our multi selves.. galaxy brain...  i know ur more active on ur ateez blog but i wanted to write abt you here anyways because I CAN! 😌 but i love all that good san content you provide + you just seem like a very calm n fun person 💕

@virgolix | nina. you’re such a cute person filled with love and you just spread so much positivity and good energy! you treat everyone with so much kindness and it’s so nice to see 💖 and if i can rave about your gifs for a minute... they are unreal 😫 the sharpening.. colouring.. always so amazingly clean + pretty + vibrant! 

@wonstal | hi hi! okay.. i adore all your content, you have the cutest colouring ever!! + topaz settings.. so pretty 😖💞 even though we started off as moots on my mx blog, i’m so glad you got into skz and ateez + will be on your sweet merry way to sf9 soon 🤞 i’m glad we’ve just started chatting a bit because you seem super fun and i’m excited to get to know you better! i hope 2020 treats you well darling 💖

@yongbells | iana.. hope everything is okay with you always and sending you lots of love! i miss seeing you on here but i hope you’re taking good care of yourself 💗 also.. gfx queen... 😖 you’re SUCH a ray of sunshine.. the way you always tell people how much you love their creations is so kind and all of your own gfx are some of the most beautiful things ever 💖 we are so blessed to have you in this fandom 😩 

#rachel.txt #oh man.. this took me a while to write but i hope u guys are oke w my messages 😭 #i adore u all v v much and sending u all warm wishes for the new year + new decade!! #thank u all for making this my fav sideblog #+ to my followers i love u all and wish u the best year yet as well 💖 #if i missed anyone.. bls feel free to shoot me in the head #if we're moots + ur not here i missed u bc i am an idiot. bls dm me immediately so i can tell u how much i love u

[panharmonium]

@merlinobsessionist you understand me on a spiritual level

[putting the rest of this under a cut because it just ended up being me grumping at length about fandom trends - which, yes, i am well-aware is a silly endeavour in all cases, but sometimes you just gotta have your little grump regardless, you know, for health reasons. X)  and in this particular case the grumping is probably relevant/entertaining only to myself, and you, and one or two other people here, so, tucking it away to spare everyone’s dash :) ]

the other day i was exploring the mostly abandoned wasteland that is the merlin fandom on livejournal (since that’s my original fandom home and obviously i missed out on being involved in that particular niche of lj when merlin was active, so i was feeling nostalgic and kinda curious as to it had looked like) - i stumbled over a merlin fic-finders comm and looked up my boy william just for kicks, and surprisingly, a couple of the old requests sounded like maybe i WAS involved in the merlin fandom on livejournal back then and i just don’t remember it

i think i wrote this in a past life

this is an eleven year-old comment in a mostly defunct fandom community but i felt it in my BONES

oh, my dear commenter from 8 years ago, i WISH  XD

it made me laugh, and then it made me grumpy, because obviously there were very few suggestions offered in response to these asks - the fics just don’t exist, not in any numbers.

and like, the thing is, i don’t particularly care about the shipping side of things for the most part; i always lean towards gen and that’s mostly been it, for me; that’s always been my MO in every fandom i’ve ever participated in, but - look.  if i have to witness (*checks ao3*) 23,830 (twenty four thousand. twenty four THOUSAND!!!!) instances of merlin getting together with arthur hecking pendragon, over and over and over again, in every AU configuration under the sun, then you had better believe i am ready and willing to plead the case of the only person in the merlin-verse who did not think arthur pendragon deserved merlin’s entire life.  

and of course, there’s nothing inherently wrong with arthur and merlin as an item, obviously (i mean, i can name a few things about it that don’t appeal to me personally, but that is not the same thing as a value judgment) and everybody should have fun with their own ships, always - but for me, personally, there is just...enough of that out there.  i have seen Enough.  it’s hard for me to even determine where the rest of the fandom is, under the ever-present spread of merlin/arthur content; a picture of merlin/arthur should literally be next to the dictionary entry for steamroller.

and of course, i knew it would be like this from the beginning, and i know complaining about the ubiquitousness of a particular ship in fandom is utterly silly, in the end, because it’s not like there’s anything wrong with something being ubiquitous - the whole point of fandom is to make what you love, and if that’s what everybody loves, well, hey, that’s just how it is!  that’s what people should be making - the stuff they love!  that’s what fandom is here for!  i only mutter to myself in the bubble of my own blog because the ubiquitousness makes it almost impossible for me to find what *i* love, because i don’t want to read about arthur/merlin in the first place, no matter who else appears in the fic, and also because my fave minor character, while he gets a pretty good amount of fannish screentime for someone who showed up in one episode, also suffers from the curse known as “virtually everything he features in is actually about merlin and arthur getting it on”

like - by the numbers, when you exclude merlin/arthur from will’s character tag, will retains less than 20% of his fics, some of which are already like...you know, he’s dead, or just mentioned, et cetera.  

and his poor ship tag...he and merlin have 136 fics in their tag, and at first you wanna look at that and be like - ‘hey, not bad, pal, that’s p. good for a rarepair!’  but in actuality, less than 20 of those fics are actually about him and merlin.  like...12% of his own ship tag actually belongs to him, and the rest is him being used as a plot device to get arthur and merlin together.

and i am sure that a lot of other side characters probably suffer from this, too, given the general fic distribution in this fandom, though the only person i’ve looked at for comparison purposes is freya, who is a (mostly) one-ep character like will.  she, despite that, doesn’t appear to get hit quite as hard - she seems to keep more of her fic for herself, which is nice (when i exclude merlin/arthur from the freya/merlin search, freya still retains about 65% of her fics, as opposed to will’s sad little 12%).  i’m glad for her, though - she of all people does not need to be losing fic to arthur; she has suffered enough. 

to put things in perspective, though - merlin and uther have more fics in their ship tag that earnestly focus on the tagged....hnhhmgnhn i can’t say it...relationship than merlin and will do - even filtering out every instance of dubcon/noncon.  

(and yes, i did in fact want to die when i had to actually click the merlin/uther tag on ao3 in order to check that factoid, thanks for asking.)

so, that said - i don’t generally read canon-era fic anyway, when i’m actively writing for a fandom, but since the merlin fandom sometimes feels like it consists solely of modern AU’s anyway, all i am trying to say is that it would be nice if i could pick up an AU including a character i enjoy without seeing him constantly reduced to:

merlin’s loser ex

merlin’s abusive ex (w h at)

merlin’s ex who’s kinda sorta tolerable-ish, maybe, if you squint, but just ultimately Not Right for merlin - holding merlin back, or being too overbearing, or too pushy, or Just Not Enough - or being someone who merlin stays with only bc he’s familiar and merlin’s settling for something safe and unrisky and stagnantly unfulfilling

the dude who merlin cheats on to be with arthur

the dude who cheats on merlin, bc the fic needed a reason to break up merlin and will so that white-knight!arthur could swoop in (cue me shouting ‘IN WHAT UNIVERSE DO YOU THINK WILL WOULD EVER - ’)

the dude merlin “makes mistakes with” when things with arthur aren’t going well

the friend-with-benefits who’s apparently chill with a casual arrangement, thus keeping himself conveniently out of the way of the oncoming merlin/arthur train

the friend-with-benefits who’s secretly NOT chill with a casual arrangement and who’s pining for merlin, except we all know that ain’t ever going anywhere because arthur exists, and in the meantime merlin only ever gets together with will to try and forget his problems

the friend-with-no-benefits who’s still pining for merlin (which situation, i might add, would be read completely differently if it were arthur in will’s shoes, because if that were the case then the audience would 100% be rooting for him)

the “best friend” whose only purpose in fic is to provide space for conversations/debriefs about merlin’s relationship/pre-relationship with arthur (like - i’m sorry, but there desperately needs to be some type of bechdel-esque test for will; e.g. do will and merlin have a conversation about something other than arthur pendragon?  if yes, u win, u may pass go, collect 20 dollars, congratulations)

the friend whose dislike of arthur always, ALWAYS ends up being framed as a mistake.  as will’s stubborn unwillingness to give arthur a chance, until at last will sees the light and succumbs to the irresistible beauty of merlin and arthur’s eternal love. -_-  there is vanishingly rare acknowledgement in fic of the fact that in the canon universe, all of the criticisms will makes about merlin and arthur’s relationship are not only accurate, but made in merlin’s best interests (and also, ultimately, proven right, by the end of the show - merlin tanks his whole damn life for a series of empty promises prophesying arthur pendragon’s future potential, and he gets NOTHING for his devotion.  merlin is more alone at the end of the show than he was at the beginning, when his only dream was to be loved and accepted by more than the two people who’d comprised his entire life up until that point.  and he spends at least half a decade in between the show’s hopeful beginning and its miserable end being told that he’s evil by the very person for whom he is expected to sacrifice his future.  

so what, exactly, makes will so wrong to be wary?  who among us wouldn’t be angry if we saw somebody we loved being forced to sacrifice themselves on an unforgiving altar like this?  

i don’t know the answer.  i’m not sure what it is that earns will his spot on the “destined to be shafted for arthur pendragon” list.  i don’t know if it’s an unconscious backlash to will’s refusal to hop on the arthur/merlin train, or if it’s just a superficial understanding/lack of genuine interest in his character, which, in that case, sure, i’ll give people that one, in all fairness; not everyone has spent a year picking his character apart (though i still don’t think it justifies tossing him in there just because the fic needs a random insert who can be positioned as inferior to arthur’s gloriousness).  either way, the end result is that we usually end up seeing a will who has very little in common with his source material, or who needs to ultimately step aside to make way for arthur - arthur, who never displays the same level of care toward merlin in canon that merlin shows toward him, and who actively oppresses merlin’s people for the entire duration of their relationship.  

like...it’s all just fic, obviously, and we can make characters as OOC as we want; have fun; go wild.  but at the same time, it’s impossible for me not to balk at how arthur in some of this fic is just - utterly unrecognizable.  in comparison with fic!will, arthur is the most Solicitous, Gentle, Understanding, Deeply Concerned, Invested-In-Merlin’s-Welfare-and-Inner-Thoughts creature you ever did see, and I’m just over here like - it is not like that!  it is NOT LIKE THAT!  IT HAS LITERALLY NEVER BEEN LIKE THAT.  arthur pendragon in fic sometimes interacts with merlin like - he tilts his head and listens like a therapist and affirms absolutely everything merlin says and tells him ‘gosh, i understand. tell me more. how can i help you’ - he goes about his day thinking about merlin and putting merlin first and i just - i literally have never seen this person before in my life.  who is this man?  who is this unbelievably attentive paragon of caring?  i’ve never met him before.

the entire running problem with merlin and arthur’s friendship in canon is that arthur, while he absolutely does care about merlin, tends to take merlin for granted.  merlin is just another feature of arthur’s landscape, until something dramatic happens and arthur has a little scare and saves merlin’s life, and then things go back to the way they were.  arthur doesn’t See merlin the way he should, not in the ordinary moments.  merlin goes home and spends his evenings thinking about arthur’s life; he ties himself in knots trying to help arthur develop as a person and to keep arthur safe and happy, but arthur just goes home and eats supper with his wife.  arthur does not go home and spend his nights agonizing over how he can improve merlin’s life.  he never once thinks, ‘my purpose on this earth is to serve and support my friend merlin.’  he never feels like he’s supposed to be half of some two-sided coin.  i know people like to give arthur this quality in their fic - and that’s totally fine, of course, it’s fic, have as much fun as you want - but in canon, that is just not something arthur pendragon does.  it’s not who he is shown to be.  

and yet almost every time when i go to explore fandom, i find that the person who does put merlin first in canon is perpetually elbowed aside for this extremely generous interpretation of everyone’s favorite prince.  

and i just...i always try to find the good bits in everything, and i am sometimes willing to overlook a ship i don’t personally enjoy if there’s something else about the piece that i think is great, but there’s only so many times i can read the sentence “merlin had never felt like this with anyone, not even will” in fics where merlin and will are supposed to have been dating or even married/engaged, or “will was merlin’s best friend, but he just didn’t understand” (not like arthur, of course, who merlin literally just met a week ago), or “will was great, but there was only so much of him merlin could stand in one sitting/will was great, but he was best enjoyed in small doses.”  there’s only so many times i can read a hundred different variations of that before i start to get real grumpy.  and that’s not even touching the fics where will’s portrayed less favorably than that, even.  

so, you know.  i feel grumbly about it sometimes, how this particular character is trapped in a perpetual net of always being less-than, when one of the nicest parts of fandom for me is that every character/ship can have an infinitude of possibilities, even the ones i personally think are unbelievably bizarre (which category merlin and will do not even fall into, like - it’s not an incredible leap.  merlin/mordred is a leap, okay; mordred is like seventeen years old!  leon/morgana is a leap - how on earth did that become so popular??? - but will and merlin?  that’s not a leap.)

what is it about will that makes him so tempting to trample over?  will’s only sin in canon was to look at arthur pendragon and pronounce himself utterly unimpressed.  his only crime was to tell merlin ‘this dude isn’t good for you,’ about which fact he was CORRECT, by the way - he is the first person who ever chooses to care about merlin, the first person merlin ever chooses to trust, the first friend who loves real!merlin without needing to be coaxed and convinced and taught that it’s okay.  he is the only one who ever tells merlin ‘you deserve better than this mess,’ the only one for whom merlin has always been priority number one and in whose eyes arthur isn’t even on the map.  merlin’s friendship with will (and lancelot, afterwards) is the healthiest one merlin ever gets to experience, and i wish more fannish material acknowledged it as such, as opposed to using will to set up merlin and arthur’s epic romance.  

all of this, i suppose, is just a very long way of saying that now that i am no longer avoiding spoilers and have actually started testing the waters of the wider fandom, i have come to the obstinate, utterly inflexible conclusion that will deserves his own collection of happy endings, and i don’t care if i have to write them myself.  i’ve already got the gen angle covered.  and even though i’ve never written ship!fic in my life, the fact of the matter is that spite can be a hell of a motivator, and i will bite the bullet and learn how to do it if i have to.  if people can really be out here tagging their merlin/uther fics as “schmoop” (YES. REALLY.) then by GOD, i swear, there are no excuses - this fandom can accommodate literally anything; there’s no reason it can’t accommodate stories where will wins.  let this kid have his good ending.  arthur pendragon can fall in love with merlin 23,830 times despite his and merlin’s ship flying in the face of canon, and that means will deserves his own tiny handful of stories to be actually about him, without his and merlin’s relationship being used solely as a stepping stone on the way to merlin and arthur’s 23,831st triumph.

i am just saying - if uther pendragon can fall in love with merlin and have it tagged as ‘fluff,’ then for the love of all that is good, we can give will his moment.  let will enjoy the respect he should have earned from us when he died saving both merlin and arthur’s lives.  let will be a person in his own right, instead of a plot device sacrificed to the (in)glorious altar of merthur.  let will have an inner life of his own.  let will have a best friend who doesn’t treat him like an accessory to The Greatest Love Story Ever Told.  let will himself live out The Greatest Love Story Ever Told, for once.  let will get his guy.  i may tend to focus on friendship in my own work, but there are a lot of universes out there, and when it comes to someone who has always been so alone, and so singularly focused on merlin’s wellbeing, i’m not entirely sure if friendship even feels anything different to “in love” for will at all, in at least some of these places.

let will have his happy tags.  he’s been on his own for so much of his life - let him have his simple ‘friendship’, his ‘platonic love,’ his ‘found family.’  let him have his lovestruck ‘pining,’ ‘friends-to-lovers,’ ‘angst with a happy ending,’ too, and let him keep those tags for himself.  let characters who aren’t arthur pendragon have their love stories.

i may not care much for shipping, and i would rather read gen any day of the week, but let me tell you right now, i would rather write will and merlin settling down in a haze of domestic bliss 23,830 times before i would ever want to watch merlin ditch him yet again for a dude who never matched merlin’s level of caring and investment in the canon ‘verse.

#the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #fandom #thank you for coming to the extended version of my ted talk #ultimately i know it's silly to be so invested #in something this small #and i constantly struggle with feeling...bizarrely self-conscious about like - even writing things like this because #it's so inconsequential and then i feel silly for being so interested #and using so many words for such a little thing #you know like when you're young and you get embarrassed about being so passionate about some niche interest #i feel like someone is looking at me and being like 'BOY THAT GIRL IS STUPID' #(why you ask???) #(i don't know; it's ridiculous!) #but then there's like another voice in my head yelling 'THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT FANDOM IS FOR' #'fanatic domain' #you're SUPPOSED to be fanatically obsessed about something; that is literally the point #people devote whole blogs to their tiny niche interests and their favorite pairings and they post incessantly about one thing #and i never think that's weird #that's just fandom #so i just have to like - chill out about myself lol #i am allowed to make innumerable posts about something only i care about #and i am allowed to be as passionate about tiny niche things as i want #that is literally the purpose of fandom and i just have to keep reminding myself of that #i have no trouble remembering it when it comes to other people's interests #but i always get self-conscious about my own #ANYWAY I'M WORKING ON IT #but in the meantime i'm having fun #which is the entire point of being a fan so #all is well #:D

[bokutokoutarou]

Thanks for tagging me @oika-san :) I’d love to get close with u too!!

1) What is something you secretly like but won’t admit?

The fact that I’m short. I’m 5’1, but as much as I love to complain about it, I’m actually lowkey fine with it and I’d feel pretty weird if I grew taller

2) What do you consider the most important when it comes to friendship?

Trust. Even if it’s fun to be around someone, I feel like it means nothing if you don’t trust them and if they don’t trust you

3) 5 things that make you sad?

I’m gnna do a mix of things that make me sad in a bad way and a good way

~seeing others cry

~not being able to help someone if they’re struggling

~feeling alone

~the show given (ESPECIALLY THE SONG MAFUYU SINGS)

~the show orange (bc kakeru deserves better!!)

4) Are you a reader or a writer?

A good mix of both. I feel like lately I’ve been writing more than I’ve been reading, though

5) What is your pet peeve?

People who behave selfishly and think the world revolves around them, and undermine any issue that isn’t their own because of it

6) Do you prefer dates that are spontaneous or romantic?

Any date would make my single self feel good, but I think I’d prefer something spontaneous and fun!

7) What are you proud of right now?

The effort I’ve been putting into my writing, because for the past year I’ve been writing less and procrastinating. But now I’m back on my feet :)

8) How would your friends and family describe you?

A functioning disaster. Like I’m very chaotic, I’m a master procrastinator, and I have no set routine, but somehow I mostly have everything under control. Also, they’d probably say I’m quiet at first but a whole crackhead once you get to know me

9) If you get to live in one anime world forever, where would you live and why?

Okay so I’d love to live in the haikyuu world bc I love these boys so much, but I don’t really play volleyball and I therefore probably wouldn’t interact with them much. So I’d probably have to say My Hero Academia bc I want a quirk

10) Do you consider yourself an introvert or an extrovert?

An introvert, but I’m outgoing when I need to be

My questions for the people I’m tagging ~

1) Do you speak any other languages? If not, then what language would you like to learn?

2) If you could erase your memory about one show/book and experience the thrill of watching it as if it were the first time again, what show/book would it be?

3) Would you rather be able to time travel or read minds?

4) Who is your favourite anime character of all time?

5) Do you like your name?

6) Would you ever do any extreme sport like sky diving or bungee-jumping?

7) Who was your first crush (if you’ve ever had one)?

8) Are you more book smart or street smart?

9) What job would you be terrible at?

10) What never fails to make you smile?

Tagging ~ @warmhq @smollsblog @benewol @softbxkugou @sportsanime101 and whoever else wants to do it :)

#get to know tag

[generallynerdy]

Together (Morgana X F!Reader)

Summary: When Morgana and Morgause set out to conquer Camelot, there is one unlikely obstacle in their way: a servant girl. The problem she poses? Morgana has never stopped loving her.

Requested by @pearlll09: Ooh was putting laundry away and had an idea for Morgana! Maybe reader finds her during one of her attempts to take over the kingdom and they used to be close so reader manages to talk her into being good again :)

Key: (Y/N) - your name Warnings: some cheesy bullshit, G A E, imprisonment, minor injuries, persecution bc of magic, abusive father figures mentioned, forceful takeovers Word Count: 1,175

Note: katie mcgrath hhhhhhhh i know this is 30 minutes later than usual posting but eh. Hope u dont mind that i made it gay

    (Y/N) let out a pained shout as she was shoved onto the cold stone floor of a cell. The door slammed behind her as she whimpered, pain shooting out through her entire body. Using her elbows, she slowly got to her knees, tears slipping down her cheeks when she looked up.

    Morgana and Morgause both lingered at her door, the former closer to it than her half-sister.

    Her eyes were dark, almost blank, as she stared upon the pitiful prisoner, a girl who had once been her closest friend. Meanwhile, Morgause watched spitefully, squinting as she observed (Y/N).

    “Another unfortunate casualty,” she hummed. “Come, sister. It’s time for you to take your place on the throne of Camelot.”

    (Y/N) stumbled to her feet as the witch began to turn away. She reached through the bars of the cell door with the desperation of a dying man, gripping the sleeve of Morgana’s dress.

    “Don’t do this, Morgana,” she begged.

    Morgana frowned. “Why shouldn’t I? It’s everything Uther deserves. You said that once.”

    “I said he deserved to pay for what he did,” she admitted, “But not like this. Not through violence and death and suffering. He doesn’t deserve this-- Arthur doesn’t deserve this.”

    “Don’t bring him into this,” she spat.

    (Y/N)’s heart broke a little. “But he’s already part of it, isn’t he? You blame him for the crimes of his father, for Uther’s crimes against you and your kind.”

    From behind her sister, Morgause began to fume. “Best watch your mouth.”

    “Morgana, this was not Arthur’s choice,” (Y/N) said, ignoring Morgause. “He loves you like a sister, he would never--”

    “Do not speak to me of how Arthur loves me,” Morgana growled.

    She took (Y/N)’s wrist suddenly, ripping it from her dress. Nails digging into the girl’s skin, she threw her backwards into her cell again, sending her tumbling to the floor. From far off, a few imprisoned nights shouted at her to stop. They were all found of the serving girl, as Morgana had once been.

    Morgause smirked proudly, walking away and leaving her sister to do the same. Just as Morgana was about to depart, (Y/N)’s quiet voice stopped her.

    “You said you loved me once,” she whispered, making her stop cold in her tracks. “You said you’d put aside the hatred and the vengeance if it meant you had me.”

    “I was different then,” Morgana muttered, her voice less fire and more poison now.

    (Y/N) sniffed, wiping at her face. “You were. You were sweet and kind. Not a day went by that I didn’t see it in you. What happened, Morgana?”

    “Nothing happened,” was her reply. “I just decided to change things.”

    “And you can change them again!” (Y/N) spoke desperately, sitting up from the ground. “You can change things. You can come home and we can go back to the way it was. This time, you and Arthur can stop Uther. You can change things.”

    Morgana was silent for a moment, almost considering her words.

    Morgause sauntered in again, a devilish smirk upon her expression. “Coming, sister? We have a kingdom to take, after all.”

    “Of course,” Morgana said instantly, echoing her sister’s tone.

    She left the dungeon without a second glance at (Y/N), who burst into tears the moment she was gone.

    “You can’t save her, (Y/N). No one can.”

    “I refuse to believe that, Merlin. If anyone can save her, it’s me. And I’m going to try until it damn well kills me! Because I won’t abandon her-- not now, not ever.”

    It was close to midnight that same evening when the dungeon was opened again. All the nights lay asleep in their cells, but (Y/N) had yet to slumber. She was just beginning to drift off into a dream world when a quiet voice broke through her drowsiness.

    “(Y/N), (Y/N), wake up.”

    The servant girl jumped awake, flinching so hard that she sat up off the ground and whirled around to face whoever startled her. Much to her surprise, and perhaps fear, Morgana stood there, clothed in a red cloak and robes befitting a peasant.

    “Morgana?” (Y/N) whispered, almost shrinking back farther into her cell. “You came back.”

    The sparkle in the sorceress’s eyes died a little. “Did you really think I’d leave you here?”

    “I’d...considered it,” she admitted with a mumble. She then clambered to her feet and met Morgana at the cell door, glancing about to spot any lurking guards. “Was it all fake then? You, working with Morgause?”

    There was a change in Morgana’s expression, a flicker of regret passing her features.

    “I--” she began to defend herself, but stopped. “I’ve made a mistake. I don’t know how to fix it.”

    “Oh, Morgana,” (Y/N) muttered fondly.

    Shocking both herself and the former lady of Camelot, she reached a gentle hand through the cell door, placing it against Morgana’s cheek. Her skin was cold, but Morgana felt nothing but warmth and comfort.

    “How do I fix this, (Y/N)?” She begged.

    Had Uther been there to hear her, he would’ve shamed her for doing such a thing. A lady did not beg, nor did a traitor. Luckily, (Y/N) was not Uther. She would never be.

    “I want to fix this,” Morgana said again. “I’ve made a horrible, horrible mistake, I know. I never wanted this.”

    (Y/N) smiled sadly. “What did you want, Morgana?”

    “I wanted…” She hesitated, but a tiny smile broke out on her face. “I wanted you. Just me and you against the world, against Uther. I thought this was the way to get that, but I know better now.”

    “In that case--” (Y/N) began, grinning.

    She pressed herself closely to the cell door and, to the best of her ability, kissed her lady through the bars. It was a feeling she would never forget; the ice-cold lips of the Lady Morgana. It was a feeling reserved for her and her alone, for as long as she would live. Or at least, so she hoped.

    When the kiss ended, Morgana could not wipe the smile from her face. “How do I fix it, (Y/N)?”

    “You come home,” came the servant girl’s whisper. “You stop Morgause and you come home to Arthur, to Uther-- however you may hate him.”

    “And what of my magic?”

    (Y/N)’s fingers danced along her arm in a comforting gesture. “They don’t know of it, yet, do they?” When Morgana shook her head, she smiled. “Then that’s a problem for another day. We’ll find a way to stop Uther and save your people-- but we’re going to do it together.”

    Morgana kissed her again, sweeter and softer this time.

    It was a promise, a sort of promise; one that she meant to keep. It was a promise to love, to hold, and to protect, even if it meant the death of her.

    The sorceress nodded slowly, a kiss still lingering on her lips. “Together.”

Merlin Tags: @pearlll09

Masterlist

#morgana x reader #morgana oneshot #morgana fanfiction #morgana imagine #merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin #merlin x reader #merlin oneshot #merlin imagine #merlin fanfiction #arthur pendragon #morgana pendragon #king arthur #prince arthur #uther pendragon #morgause #novakitty #novakitty114 #generallynerdy #river #rivika

[darisugawa]

❝ Sorry I, uh… Walked in on your alone-time. I swear I didn’t see much. ❞ for uhhhhhhhhh Jakurai he deserves to get his meat beat

so yeah this one’s another Long One and it took me 84 years a;sldkfjAS;DLKFJ 

but tbh shoutout to @theempresskaizer who left like the nicest tag dump under my samatoki fic bc it gave me the Encouragement to finish this scenario for jakurai thank u

ANYWAY UH… this is phone sex just. straight up. so very dialogue heavy LOL

Negative Numbers

          ↪ Jakurai/Reader

Jakurai doesn’t consider himself a man of many indulgences.

He could make many excuses as to why that is, whether it’shis schedule, his lack of desire, his priorities–anything. There’s along list of things that come before his own pleasures that he has sorted downto a particular science and he’s too meticulous to stray from it at this pointin his life. Or perhaps he’s just getting old–too stubborn to strayfrom habit to fix what’s not entirely broken.

The only problem is that his current predicament might be inneed of fixing, given that it’s not the first time he’s had to deal withit in just the past two weeks.

Jakurai sighs to himself, having woken up from another dream–sovery unlike him, as seeing things in his sleep only ever means bad news.They’re not like the nightmares, at least, but he wonders if they’re worse.There is tea to drink and syringes to fiddle with when he is restless frombattle-hardened memories, but there is no quick fix to longing,indefinite as it is. Matters of the heart are confusing andfrustrating–incomprehensible and without reason. Jakurai dislikes problemsthat don’t come with decided formulas, even if he begrudgingly understands thathe’s no exception their inevitable nature.

He’d prefer it, at least, if that said longing took a moreshapeless, anonymous form. It’d be far, far easier if he didn’tassociate his desires with you.

Another sigh escapes him as he sits up, ever aware of the heatthat’s coiled up at his very core and how he strains against his pants.He’s not been a teenager for some time, but Jakurai is certain he’s notexperienced inane wet dreams in just as long. Faint images of animaginary you remain in his mind–your lips wrapped around his cock as you lookup to him, observing every reaction he gives you. The thought isn’t nearly assatisfying when he’s lucid, as the feeling ghosts along him instead ofactually providing anything of substance. Jakurai drags his legs over the sideof the bed and puts his face in his hands with a groan. He will have to takecare of this, even though a small part of him loathes putting the effort into asolution that will only last him a short while.

The clock reads 2:17 AM.

As it turns to 2:18, his phone rings.

Jakurai doesn’t bother to check the name before quicklyanswering it, hoping that maybe whoever it is may have more importantmatters to distract him with. Perhaps it’s Ichiro-kun, who’ll apologize for thelate hour but insist he needs some over-the-counter suggestions for one of hisbrothers… He considers Doppo-kun, but realizes he’d more likely be trying tosleep at this hour. Hifumi-kun should be at work, and–

“Oh, Jakurai-san? I didn’t think you’d answer at this hour.”

… Ah. This is quite the predicament.

“… It’s not very common,” he grunts out, cursing his ownluck that the very source of his distractions is just on the other end of theline. The sound of your voice sends a shiver down his spine and Jakurai pincheshis own thigh, as if reminding himself to keep his composure.

“You do sound like you’ve just woken up,” you say,sounding a little guilty. “I apologize if–”

“No,” he says, too hasty, before he shakes his head,trying to get rid of the haze. “No, I was… already awake. It’s no trouble. Whatwas it you wished to call me for?”

“You asked me for those documents a few days ago, remember?I’ve finally gotten them gathered and organized, so I figured I’d leave you avoicemail since your phone is usually off at these hours.”

“Is… that right?” he asks, just barely able to wrap his mindaround what you’re talking about. Jakurai ends up focusing so much on the soundof your voice that he can’t even comprehend what you’re saying. Goodness.

“… You sound flustered, Jakurai-san,” you say, soundingsuspicious. He shivers again at the sound of his name on your tongue. “Did I…perhaps interrupt something?”

Ah. A direct question, as always. Jakurai clears his throat,caught off guard, but he knows that alone has given him away and he wonders ifyou have that curious smile turning your lips up at this revelation. Thesilence is heavy, but you wait for his answer patiently. He swallows.

“… Something like that, perhaps.”

“I see,” you say, humming to yourself on the other end. “Yetyou saw it fit to answer me right away, regardless? It makes me wonder of yourintentions, Jakurai-san.”

“Nothing unsavory, I can promise,” he insists. Not foranswering the phone, at least. “I was quite hoping for a distraction fromthis… issue of mine, actually.”

“Oh? Talking business to get your mind on other things?” youask, sounding as if you’re shifting your phone from one ear to the other. “Or…were you looking for another sort of distraction?”

Jakurai feels himself throb and uses all of hiswillpower not to curse aloud. “… Is that your offer?’’

“I wouldn’t mind. We’re good friends, aren’t we?” youinsist. “I’m a bit pent up myself… it could be mutually beneficial.’’

Mutually beneficial. It sounds so clinical, butJakurai wants to use it as a proper excuse for himself. Maybe it’s not right ofhim, but if he can rationalize he’s also helping you in the process,then he suddenly doesn’t feel so bad about it.

… Is he really so desperate that he’ll reach for anything?

“… What do you propose?”

“Hm… Will just my voice do for you?”

“Yes.”

He hears you giggle on the other end and he moves to leanback against his bed frame. This is shameless, he knows, but you areboth adults. You know him too well by now to offer him something like thiswithout knowing the consequences… of which there will be many in the aftermaththat you’ll have to talk about in extent. But just this once, Jakurai doesn’twant to consider the details–he just wants you to tell him what to do.

“Tell me then, good doctor,” you say and he hears the soundof a chair leaning back. “What were you thinking about before you picked up thephone?”

Jakurai wraps an arm around his stomach, gripping at his ownclothes. “… I was dreaming of that which I do not have.”

“And what would that be?”

He’s afraid to say it, but your gentle voice prods him,anyway. “… You.”

“Oh?” you ask, feigning surprise as you hum to yourself. Youknow exactly what you’re doing, but he’s not inclined to stop you. “That’s verycurious indeed… For you to be so riled up, I must’ve been doing somethinginappropriate, for certain.”

“… It is my own fault, to have imagined it that way.”

“Nobody’s blaming anyone, are they? I’m simply askingbecause I want to help, Jakurai-san…” you say with an even tone. “… Was it myhand? Perhaps my mouth you were thinking of?”

His hand starts to loosen its grip. “… Your mouth.”

You fake a gasp of surprise, but he doesn’t respond to itright away. “Really? You’d be so desperate for me to have a taste ofyou? Jakurai-san, I’m surprised…” You pause. “… Though I suppose being calleda god makes one long for someone to kneel before them.”

“… I’m no better than any man seeking the warmth ofanother,” he says, allowing himself to push his pants past his hips and lettingout a sigh of relief as he rids himself of restraint. “I wish to be nothingmore before you, if I may…”

“Before me? Jakurai-san, you must be joking.”

“You would need only to ask of me…” he insists, shivering ashe wraps a hand around himself, circling his thumb at the tip. “Call it worshipif you wish… I’ll confess at your altar, if only you’d be mine…”

“Dangerous words from a dangerous man, Jakurai-san,” yousay, thought you sound a little breathless. He wonders if he can have that sortof effect on you–if you long in the same way that he does. “Surely…I’ll let your words go to my head, if I’m not careful.”

“I wouldn’t lie to you,”–never to you–“So youneed not to worry… If it’s a god you wish to be, then I would make it so…”Jakurai starts to stroke himself then, sighing as he imagines your hand insteadof his own–smaller, more delicate.

“Do you always make such impossible promises?” you ask. “Itmakes me wonder what it is you expect of me…”

“I expect nothing,” he says, moving his hand in a twistingmotion. “Even if this is all you’ll give me in the end… I won’t be able tostop. I’m too far along to let go…”

He hears you sigh against his ear this time and he wondersif you’ve begun to touch yourself, too. The thought haunts him–the image ofyou messily half-dressed as you seek release with him, unable to experienceanything but your own touch. Do you wish his hands were on you instead, the wayhe does yours? Do you want him to unravel you, take you apart until you laybare beneath him in the same way?

“… You offer too much of yourself, good doctor,” you saywith a breathless laugh. “… Wouldn’t you prefer to be a little selfish? Letme take care of you…?”

He stutters out a quiet moan, speeding up his pace a little.“I dare not to hope for such things, you must realize…”

“Let me indulge you then,” you insist, your breath hitchingas you speak. “Though all you have are my words right now… You can ask mefor whatever you like, Jakurai-san.”

“… You’re all I want,” he admits, too caught up in his ownpleasure to reel himself back in. “These are desires only you could possiblysatisfy… I long only for what you and you alone can give me…”

He hears a moan from the other end and Jakurai slumps backfurther against his bed frame. You’re in your own throes of pleasure, allbecause of him and he can hardly stand that he’s not there to see ithimself. It’s quiet between you two for a moment, save for the sounds you shareover the phone, but you speak up again after a while.

“… Allow me to give you that,” you eventually tell him,short of breath and so, so close–or so he hopes. “If it’s just me youwant, then take it… I won’t stop you.”

“Please–”

“You can finish… just for me, Jakurai-san.”

For you.

His breath hitches when he feels himself spill over hishand, leaning back heavily as it trails down his knuckles. He calls your nameout in whispers, wishing so desperately that you might be here to kiss it outof his mouth. Jakurai doesn’t have such a luxury, so he at least settles forhearing you call out for him in turn as you reach your own high from the otherend. You share heavy breaths over the phone and he’s too content to want tomove from his spot, wanting to let the moment drag on for as long as possible.You’re the one who breaks the silence and he almost regrets it.

“… Was that what you were looking for, Jakurai-san?”

He doesn’t answer right away, gathering his thoughts. “…Did you mean it? When you said you wouldn’t stop me?”

You laugh in response. “As you would do the same, I wouldn’tlie to you.”

His shoulders relax and despite himself, he feels hopeful.“Perhaps my timing is terrible, but… may I see you tomorrow? We should… discusssome things.”

“Of course. I’d hate to leave you with just thoughts of me…I’m not so cruel, you know.”

“Only when you don’t feel like it,” he says, unable to helpthe chuckle that leaves his throat.

“I won’t be cruel to you, is what I mean,” you say,sounding indignant. “But… the hour is late. For now, you should rest… and wecan have our talk tomorrow.”

“… You swear it?”

“On my very soul, Jakurai-san,” you say. “I’ll come for you,worry not.”

He nods to himself, offering a hum of approval before hefinally bids you good night. You’ll come for him, you promised it, anddespite the mess he’s in, his worries are no longer there in the back of hismind.

Jakurai will see you tomorrow–perhaps things will be setback on the right path, then.

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #jakurai jinguji #matenrou #spice #scenario #( yeah this took me forever a;slkdfjA;SDLKFJASDF ) #( but i read. all tags if u reblog it brings me Joy LMFAO ) #( also wanted to play around with like... someone speaking sort of formally in circles w/ jakurai ) #( like a game almost ) #( but we'll see if that comes across well LMAO )

[transkieran]

anyway, guarma & colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy (& friends) think abusive ships are a funny way to get under someone’s skin

JUST FYI: I woulda had this conversation in private, but @guarma keeps calling Erin a bitch with a god-complex, even though everything she accuses Erin of is something I did, and she refuses to acknowledge me. So no more private, she called me a pussy for not confronting her. Well here's the confront ig!

background context: people decided to start shitting on the Yehaw Function server again in another server (let’s say ‘A’ bc I do not wish to drag the owner into this, they were rarely online). @ssupeck21 thought it was perfectly fine to mock the gender and race of a two-spirited native trans guy. nice transphobia and racism there! 

considering i remarked on it, they realized i knew him and suspected me of leaking the above screenshot to the YF server. i had already left this server at the end of february over several reasons, including erin’s server becoming my main one. i’m also reasonably sure i have mentioned no longer being in YF at some point. damage done: kate (guarma) and pongo ( @colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy ) now think i’m “a spy” for YF. (ironic because @ssupeck21 let @jennyxbeans into erin’s server bc she was spying for jenn. and more irony later)

as proven in DM to someone later (oh no, a spied image?), they had the amazing idea to bait me and erin with something that is a massive trigger for me (bully/victim ships). some weirdness: by that time, i’d only made about 2 b/k posts on my blog, neither of which mentioned my trauma i’m pretty sure. erin meanwhile, wasn’t even in the original convi from the first screenshot, though she has mentioned she finds b/k gross. 

so whilst this in its entirety is already immature in itself (really? you think someone is sending screenshots and wanna get ‘revenge’ when you constantly rely on getting screenshots yourself? yes i know someone leaked you screenshots of YF, kate). but also: for someone who talked about being abused and having anxiety, she should know better than use an abusive ship to get back at someone. because i’m 99% sure she knows b/k is a trigger for me; whilst not on my blog, i have had plenty of rants and vents in servers about how b/k is not good for my mental health and that it will make me panic. 

conversation #1 (i do not have screenshots of this): someone asked what everyone’s ships are in rdr2. bill/kieran gets mentioned, at some point i put rooWut (a disgusted looking emote) and remark something about abusive gay ships being cute to them. it gets glossed over, i leave. 

conversation #2. the conversation moves to the nsfw channel, where they pin the message in the above screenshot. ha ha , bully/victim ships are a funny joke! conversation moves on to arthur and other things until Pongo clearly feels like she wants to force a reaction out of me and/or erin. (living dead girl is erin, i am dan’s achy breaky heart).

at this point, my anxiety spikes and i put something along the lines of “my fist up your ass would look cute” in the vent chat of Erin’s server. NSFW with b/k is not good for me, at all. it made me flashback to something, i’m basically just trying to not have a panic attack. but ! ofc , why stop now. 

pongo makes another comment, now not under a spoiler tag and clearly with the context of the DM to get another reaction out of me. erin puts a completely unrelated image to try and divert the conversation, because i’m like entirely losing it at this point---but kate and pongo think it’s hilarious to talk about actually shipping it and kate (micah bell’s dumb hair in the screenshots) is all “omg i wanna write a smut now for them”. 

also: my nickname in this server includes ‘trans kieran’ at this point , either as just my url or like “lion ♡ trans kieran”. they all know i am a gay trans guy, even if some of them currently like to pretend they don’t know me. (hi, @morlawny who doesn’t even wanna say my name at this point despite being all nice in erin’s server.)

i can’t entirely remember my own message, nor do i have screenshots of it because i send it and left and they deleted it like straight after it seems (because an older screenshot, from the day itself, also didn’t have my message anymore). i left because at that point, i lost all ability to think straight. because someone can remark on b/k before and they’ll still be all “ha ha funny!”

at this point, in erin’s server, two things happen. one friend of kate, who isn’t in the server this happened in, asks if she ships bill/kieran and kate admits her plan to just trigger me. because of this, kate starts acting like the victim and making me out like the bad guy who’s shittalking her and refuses to talk to her--which, during a panic attack and with my feelings very clear, i don’t need to. 

secondly, another friend of kate decides my trauma is funny and starts to send kate (on request) screenshots of the vent conversation in erin’s server, starting from the goddamn my fist up your ass comment. the conversation also includes details of my trauma. my trauma is being send around like gossip. 

also this happens in the server i left and i get send it: 

i dunno what planet anyone is living on but, apparently my melt down was only good for one thing: getting mocked. “kieran’s coochie” is transphobic as fuck when you’re laughing at a trans guy getting upset over bill/kieran. especially when it’s very clear i hc kieran as trans. yet, pongo, wolfy ( @soulheartthewolf ) and kate seem to think it’s fucking hilarious. 

kate and pongo then try to play the “we were just joking!” card. when everyone i’ve had read those screenshots agrees nothing about it reads as a joke, and we’re now very sure they weren’t joking about, they were being vile and malicious. (but hey, what’s to expect from someone who says they’d fuck a fictional racist if he was real! that’s ... excusing racism, kate).  

(guarma is micah bell? you mean my husband ;; pongo is arthur morgan is an incel. the other person is the artist who drew young micah, idk their url anymore)

“my mocking of the Bill/Kieran ship” I’m so sorry, Kate, but nothing about nsfw b/k and wanting to write a fic about it, reads as mocking. This entire “it’s just a joke!” doesn’t diminish the fact that you triggered a panic attack. Yes, I shittalked you, because I felt like it was goddamn deserved for "joking” about an abusive ship in a way that didn’t read as a joke. because after I left neither of you got the damn hint and just went straight for the transphobia. It’s not get together and hate guarma, it’s “lion has a panic attack and will actually react insanely aggressively about the things that upset him”. You can turn and twist this into you being the victim all you want, but you ain’t. You’re a pathetic example of a 19 year old who thinks it’s funny to trigger flashbacks and panic attacks. I didn’t talk to you, because at the time the only thing I would’ve probably said, which is also what I’m saying now, is: go shove an entire cactus up your ass, you pathetic cunt of a human being. 

Leave Erin out of this, it’s goddamn hilarious you keep going after a cis bi woman instead of after me, a gay trans guy, and god I fucking wonder why. 

You interact with people who think they can just be racist and transphobic towards anyone they like ( @ssupeck21 ), with people who’ll willing send you all the screenshots you want, with people who send anon hate ( @jennyxbeans ), you’re treating trauma and abuse like a joke and then have the gal to be all “i’d never because i have anxiety!” No. Own up to your shit. 

(I could go on in this post about how she’s just as bad a shittalking, leaked screenshot-wanting piece of shit but hey, the post is very long already so whatever). 

edit: i have deleted screenshot leaking accusations towards morlawny bc i can’t actually prove them but i’m keeping up the thing where you decided to be all nice to me in servers, but then turned around and were all “idk kate didn’t say any of that” (i literally know u were there for those conversations, your name in screenshots!) and tried to defend her constantly in a DM with someone. 

#red dead redemption #guarma #userguarma #idk if she has a tag lmao #colm-odriscoll-is-my-daddy

[yxkanna-a]

8 PEOPLE I’D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER.

REPOST, DON’T REBLOG.

one / name / alias: my name is carmen but i most often refer to myself as moop bc it’s an rp nickname that stuck from the Olden Dayes and hearing my name reminds me i Exist two / birthday:  november 5th three / zodiac sign: scorpio + tiger!!  four / height: GREG U DIDN’T HAVE THIS ONE??? i’m 5 feet tall exactly sobs five / hobbies: writing when i have time lmao (mostly it takes the form of rping so i can stay Fresh on creative writing but i would like to get back into writing short stories n shit like that). i really like doing lil things in photoshop and illustrator (so if u want me to make u a promo hmu 👀), and i also LOVE making short films. if u want a link to my youtube channel so u can see the projects i’ve done for class pls hmu for that too!! six / favorite colors: so i don’t really have a favorite color but like. i tend to favor mint green, royal purple, and deep reds the most seven / favorite books: percy jackson and the olympians holds a v special place in my heart. redwall was p lit too. 1984 and animal farm are solid. i don’t read as much anymore as i should :/ eight / last song listened to: tik tok by ke$ha...... fun fact that was the song that played during my graduation slideshow so don’t @ me nine / last film watched: scouts guide to the zombie apocalypse. it wasn’t half bad tbh ten / inspiration for muse: nick is (now EXTREMELY loosely, don’t sue me!!!!!!) based on a character from a cartoon i used to watch that aired in 2010 and unfortunately was cancelled after its first season (which i will never forgive them for bc i still love it). if i ever wanna get in the mood for writing nick, i just.... get into his mindset tbh? i try to learn more about emts, or i go and look at emt memes jhfsd. i think about different situations he could be in and how he’d react to them. i’ve had nick for 9 YEARS NOW (oof) so figuring out what he’d do in specific scenarios is like second nature at this point. his muse is the strongest out of all my ocs so it’s really not that hard to get inspired?? talking it out w/ rp partners also helps bc it’s less formal than a thread and lets me be goofy about it and enables some really interesting character development. eleven / dream job: so like, the ideal when i was younger was a youtuber (gaming and skits and vlogs, namely). but i was Too Poor and Too Busy to be able to invest in that efficiently enough to actually make a career out of it, but i’m now studying film in college which is like. even better tbh?? i LOVE it and i really hope to be able to get into the entertainment industry as a screenwriter/director. i love movies and tv shows w/ every FIBER of my being so i would be so happy to be able to create something and put it on a big screen or air it for other people to see (but also die bc every time i finish a project and look at it a week later i’m like BLEEHHHH) twelve / meaning behind your url: yukanna is the japanese word for valiant (which is why my little title thing is “valiant”), and like..... nick is a Bastard Boy but he’s not a coward?? he’s not afraid to face things down, and like.. a nice word like VALIANT and BOLD and EXCELLENT is what he deserves after all he’s been through fhkdsj. yukanna was already taken as a url i think so i slapped an x in there for the Aesthetic and i really like it so i’ve never changed it

tagged by: @xonismsx​ smooch smooch tagging: UHHHHHHH @kodo-kai, @traumeriin, @braxdaekko, @paperrcages, @kiyote, @east--moon, @diviniius, @coptm, ANYONE ELSE WHO WANTS TO!!

#ooc #mun thoughts #i don't have a mun fc bc i'm too lazy so have the Worst icon i possess

[toastjy]

it’s here!!!!! hi i know i suck because this follow forever is long overdue and i never really talk or reach out to anyone and i suck at answering my messages but trust me when i say i see you all and i really appreciate you guys!!!!! thank you all so much for following me, it really means a lot to me that you guys like me enough to keep me on your dash even though i won’t tag my text posts lol. in all seriousness, thank you thank you thank you!!!! i’ve gotten to know some wonderful people since i’ve started my tumblr (like two years ago!!!!! wow) and that’s like the coolest thing that has ever happened to me

first off, i want to thank everyone for always keeping my dash a positive space. and not only has it been a positive space, it’s also been a learning space! i seriously admire some of the work you guys do and in one way or another you’ve all encouraged me to challenge myself! and because of that, i’ve made some things that i feel really proud of and i’ll admit feeling proud of myself is not a feeling that happens to me often. and even if you don’t create any content, i really do love seeing everyone of you on here. some of you are honestly the most amazing people i’ve ever met and you make me a better person just by existing!

ok i wrote too much and no one is gonna read it now but tldr i love u all u make me so happy 💓💘💕💗💖✨💘💓💖

i don’t have many fancy symbols to add to your names but if you’re on here it automatically means i love u 

and a 🌸means i got something to say to your face!!!!! but it’s good don’t worry

#-f

@07lullaby | @09shine | @1en | @97yuggie​ 🌸| @ahgasemutual | @ahgaseposts | @all4yug | @babydaddypcy | @baobeijackson | @blackp7nk | @cutieseunie 🌸| @defsbeom | @defskookie | @def-ars | @defslut | @def-sowl | @demongyeom 🌸| @floaty-glasses

g-l

@gayshinas | @genzgay | @got7-markjinson | @gyeomdrop | @gyeomsluna | @gyeoms6 | @imjaebumaf | @intojennie 🌸| @jealousbytvxq​ | @jingyeomlove 🌸| @jinyoungloveblog​ | @jinyoungslover | @jjaebeom | @kissmyars | @k-dirty-pop 🌸| @lattegyeom | @lisassgf | @lullabyjaes 

m-r

@marksbeom | @markiemon | @marksseunie | @minyoongilovebot | @mochabam 🌸| @mochimork | @morkjin | @ohlehky | @peachyyugy | @pinkhoodiemark | @poutybeom | @prdsverse 

s-z

@shelovesmingyu | @shootfortheestrella | @softforjackson | @softstancyj | @starparkssi | @sunnpils | @sunrisepalettes | @sunshinejae | @tuanpumpkins | @tuanspice | @ulttuan | @verse2era 🌸| @versed2 | @wangangaji | @writingsfromtheseaside | @yougjae 🌸| @yghateblog | @yugyyeoms 

🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸

97yuggie: hi hi gaëtan! i know we’re (relatively) new mutuals but i just want to say you’re so so funny and i love seeing you on my dash!!! i can’t say how many times i’ve laughed at your tags/posts so hey! i hope you’re doing well always because i think you’re so so great

cutieseunie: em em em emmmmmmm!!!!!!!!! ldkfdjkfgh ok this is gonna seem unfairly biased towards you because i’m trying to keep my messages short and sweet but how am i supposed to keep it short when i love you sooooo much!?? thank you so much for reaching out to me and continuing to reach out to me everyday. you’ve made tumblr 1000000x more fun to be on and you make my day 100000000x brighter just by messaging me and even when we’re not dming each other i feel happy just seeing you on my dash and knowing you’re in my life. i appreciate the heck out of you and i get so overwhelmed thinking about how wonderful it is to have someone so sweet and kind and caring to talk to about everything. please know i’m always rooting for you!!! whenever you say that your tags are your contribution to the fandom i just want to shake you and tell you that no!!!! you being you is more than enough and the fact that you take all that time and energy to show your love and positivity is above and beyond!!!!!! thank you so much for being someone i can go to and i hope that i’m someone like that for you too!!!!! also thank u for being a good sport when i tease you ksljdflks sorry this is so short compare to yours but you’re the one out of the two of us that’s good with words!!! i’m bad at putting feelings into words but please know every time i keysmash it’s code for i love u. chrem forever indeed!!!!! (1 billion heart emojis) 

demongyeom: hi cat!!! i wanted to give you a shout out because you make amazing content and i can tell that you’re just all around a really awesome person! seriously love seeing you on my dash and i just wanted to say thank you for all the work that you do!!!

intojennie: HEY jackie!!!!!!! you!!! i’m so happy we got to meet and hang out!!!!! you know it’s real when we’re texting and we have convos open across like three different platforms kjdfglkfdg. seriously i feel so lucky to have met someone as cool and funny as you and someone who i share so much in common with! i look forward to hanging out more and getting to know u better and going TO A CONCERT TOGETHER!!!!! ok ilu see u tuesday lmao

jingyeomlove: hi dreamy! i know we’ve never properly talked but i think you’re so cool and sweet and the stuff you make is just so so so amazing!!!! i really admire you as a creator and as a person so thank you for everything that you do!

k-dirty-pop: hi lennie!!! i can’t remember when we became mutuals but i know you are one of my first mutuals and definitely one of my favorite mutuals!!!! you are so so smart and beautiful and funny so thank you for gracing me with your presence!!! idk what else to say except that i really like you and i hope we can continue talking bc you’re easily top 1 coolest mutual

mochabam: hi jem!!!! wowowow where do i even start with you?! i think you’re seriously //////the sweetest////// person ever and you’re so so so special! there is a good reason why you’re one of my favorite people/blogs on here and why people always have great things to say about you! thank you for injecting warmth, love, and positivity into everything you do because i know it can’t always be easy! i think you make amazing content so please don’t doubt yourself because i’m rooting for you! thank you for being you!!!!

verse2era: hey emma!! ksjlksjfd so we haven’t actually talked but i think you’re really cool and i just get excited seeing you on my dash bc you always reblog really interesting content. sometimes idk what it’s even about but i’m like yeah emma reblogged it so it must be cool

yougjae: hi hi cherry! we haven’t talked properly but i still feel really fond of you and i love seeing you on my dash! you’re easily one of my favorites on here?? like sometimes if i don’t see your posts, i wonder to myself hmmm how is cherry doing? i think you’re really funny and sweet and you deserve great things!!!! and thank you for liking my text posts all the time it really means a lot ksljfksf 

--

also rachel if ur being nosy and u see this i love u too but if u don’t see this i’m gonna be hurt so what’s it gonna be

#follow forever #my mutuals #i'm really sorry if i missed anyone i checked this like a million times and i'm sure i probably missed someone #i'm really sorry i couldn't write everyone a blurb but please know i think about all of you and i'm rooting for all of you<33333333 #and also if i use the same words and phrasing a lot not bc im a fake but bc im bad at english ok please dont yell at me #OH AND PLEASE LIKE MY GIF I SPENT OVER AN HOUR ON IT