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anneapocalypse · 1 year

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Why I Love the Hinterlands

The Hinterlands in Dragon Age: Inquisition get kind of a bad rap, and for kind of understandable reasons. For anybody who doesn't know the story, some context. The Hinterlands are the first open world area that unlocks for the player, a vast and highly explorable map full of quests, worldbuilding, and NPCs. So what was the problem? The problem was that the Dragon Age series had set two games' worth of precedent that the player could get locked out of an area and lose access to sidequests and other content—and the devs seemed not to fully realize they were fighting this precedent, or how strong it was, until the game came out and completionist players were getting exhausted and annoyed running around this huge map trying frantically to knock out all the side content before moving on. We still make jokes about devs on twitter trying to tell players that they could leave the Hinterlands. Lines were later patched in for the starting companions urging the player to go to Val Royeaux and advance the plot; you'll hear those lines if you play the game today, but they weren't there in the beginning.

The game's executive producer Mark Darrah has even spoken about this problem in his Dragon Age: Inquisition Memories and Lessons video on YouTube. From a game design perspective I do not dispute this issue. It definitely represents an oversight in the way the area is presented to players and the context they are given for what they should do next.

All that said… I love the Hinterlands, and with every replay (I have beaten the game four times at this point) my appreciation for this area and what it brings to the story has deepened. And as recent polls have raised discussion about the merits of various maps, I've felt moved to rise to their defense, so... here's why I think the Hinterlands are Good Actually.

Every map in Inquisition has its own overarching story, introduced by Scout Harding when the map unlocks and revealing itself through exploration and completing the quests within. Crestwood has the story of the flood during the Blight. The Exalted Plains have the story of the Orlesian Civil War. The Hissing Wastes have the story of Fairel and the surface thaig. And so forth. For this reason, I've come to feel that once you've progressed far enough in the main quest to have collected most or all of your companions, the most rewarding way to experience each area is at one go, as much as possible. Popping in and out of maps to complete one quest at time is, in my opinion, really detrimental to exploration and makes it harder to see the big picture. This is also one place where I really appreciate the invisible approval meter, because it discourages me from always stacking my party to game approval, the way I pretty much always play DA2.

At first glance, the story of the Hinterlands is the story of the ongoing war between the rebel mages and the renegade templars. This is one reason the Inquisitor may go there: to make contact with the rebel mages. They have been offered refuge in Redcliffe and are presently entrenched in the castle and adjoining village; the templars continue to attack the mages' position, and thus there is concentrated fighting in this region. Splinter factions of both mages and templars are also entrenched elsewhere in the area.

But this is just the setup. What the Hinterlands is about, its real story, is the common people.

The Inquisitor is first sent to the Hinterlands to make contact with Mother Giselle, in hopes of gaining some Chantry support. Seeking her out requires the Inquisitor to fight their way through the conflict to reach the Crossroads, where many refugees have gathered.

In these big, sweeping stories about heroes and villains, I think it's easy for the perspectives of common people to get kind of lost. One thing I do appreciate about the Dragon Age series is that every game does make a real effort to give voice to the commoner perspective. Origins has its city elf and casteless dwarf origin stories, and the player encounters many commoners throughout the game and gets to hear a bit of their perspective. Dragon Age 2 wouldn't be Dragon Age 2 without Darktown and Lowtown and the elven alienage and our interactions with the people who inhabit those parts of the city. Oddly enough, though, every human character we've ever had the chance to play in Dragon Age has come from a noble family; sure, Hawke starts out living as a commoner, but doesn't stay that way for long.

In Inquisition especially, we don't have the option of a commoner prologue to really drive home that perspective and carry it through the story. And while a Dalish elf, a Carta dwarf, a qunari mercenary, and a Circle mage certainly live very different lives than a human noble, they also live very different lives than Giles the farmer—not necessarily more privileged, but still different, with differing priorities and different stakes in this conflict. Bron the farmhand has no reason to be at the Conclave; he's here mucking out stalls, knowing the horses still need to be fed even if there is a rift spewing demons over there in the middle of the neighbor's pasture. Elaina the farmer is putting away cabbages for winter and hoping the barn doesn't get burned down by a stray fireball. And Elaina is one of the fortunate ones: her family's home and livelihood are still intact, for now. The Crossroads now hold many ordinary people who through no fault of their own have lost their homes, their crops, even family members.

Theirs is the perspective we get in the Hinterlands.

You don't have to stick around for all that. You can take Mother Giselle’s advice immediately, go to Val Royeaux, go deal with bigger and more important things and people. You will need 4 Power to go to Val Royeaux, but Power is easy to come by. Close a few rifts, and you’re good to go. You don’t have to care about these refugees and their problems.

But you know, something I notice is that the founders of the Inquisition spend a whole lot of breath talking about "the people." How they have to restore order for the people. How the people are looking to us—to you, Your Worship. The people need you. The people need to believe in you. That’s why we’re raising an army and building a cult around you! For the people.

Well, here are the people.

And if you talk to the people at the Crossroads, it turns out that what they actually need is less faith in Andraste’s chosen, and more blankets for the cold nights, medicine for the sick and injured, and food so they don’t starve. They need the war ended and the Breach closed so that they can return to what’s left of their homes and salvage what crops and livestock they can.

It is easy to feel a bit smothered by the Inquisition’s overwhelming Andrastian-ness, especially when playing a character who has their own religious beliefs, or none at all. We have a lot of characters trying to tell us about the importance of faith—their faith, specifically. We’re told that the people need to believe, and that’s why we have to play the role of this figurehead. And you can run with that idea and play it straight, if you want to. But there is, in fact, a different story to be found here, if you want to look for it—a story told in the world itself and the people who who inhabit it: people cannot eat faith.

And Mother Giselle, the person we are sent to the Hinterlands to find, knows this. She is certainly a devout Andrastian and deeply influenced by a life in the Chantry—but she also chooses to be on the ground helping people in need rather than arguing with her fellow clerics in Val Royeaux. After the attack on Haven, Mother Giselle and the Inquisitor have a conversation about faith, in which the Inquisitor points out, in one way or another, that faith may not be enough. Giselle may seem to disagree. Yet it is she who then leads the survivors in a song that does not mention the Maker or Andraste even once. The much-maligned “The Dawn Will Come” is so frequently assumed to be a Chantry hymn because it is Mother Giselle who starts it; even the fan wiki lists it as such. But I hear something much more akin to a folk song, a marching tune—not a high holy chorus for a cathedral choir, but a song with a simple tune and repetitive lyrics, about hope in dark times.

Perhaps she was rather more persuaded than she appeared.

When you ask your ambassador Josephine, “What do the people make of us?” she tells you how many noble allies you’ve gathered. And that’s not unimportant; this boots on the ground shit costs money, and most of that is coming out of noble coffers. But when you ask Mother Giselle, “How are the people?” she speaks of the terror and suffering of the people in the Hinterlands, and warns of mass starvation if the farmers cannot return to their fields.

This is the story of the Hinterlands.

And the density of side quests on this map reflects that. In addition to aiding the refugees with food, blankets, and medicine, there are so many more opportunities to help people in small but meaningful ways. An elven widower who cannot reach his wife’s grave through the fighting asks the Inquisitor to bring flowers there as is his custom. A grieving widow asks for the retrieval of her husband’s wedding ring from the templars who murdered him. A beloved ram has gone missing. A mage mourns her templar lover and the war that has come between them. A note speaks of two brothers, templar and apostate, torn apart by the war. A son has gone off to join the cult in the hills (no, not our cult in the hills, another one), and his mother needs the special remedy for her breathing problems that only he knows how to make. And so many more. Even the Winterwatch cult itself asks us to consider what it is the people truly need: the Inquisitor can enlist them as Inquisition agents, or ask them to aid the refugees.

Are all these sidequests vital to the plot? No. You can skip them if you want to. Are they relevant to the plot? Absolutely. Are they meaningful? To me, yes. Maybe they didn't change the whole world, but they changed something for these people.

It is so important to me that we get to actually meet the common people whose lives are depending on us. Whatever you think of the Inquisition itself, people actually are dying because of both the rifts and the war, and many more will die if these problems aren’t resolved. Meeting them, giving them names and faces and side quests dealing with their more mundane needs is so much more meaningful to me than standing around back at base being told “People are starving in the Hinterlands.”

It's understandable that the Hinterlands had to fight the precedent set by Lothering getting locked off, because in many ways the Hinterlands serves the same narrative purpose as Lothering: showing the effects of the present crisis on the common people and what's at stake for them.

I should note that the Hinterlands are not the only part of the game that addresses the impact on common people—far from it, in fact. The Exalted Plains give us a taste of how many have died for the Gaspard's attempted coup; Emprise du Lion shows us commoners kidnapped and tortured by Red Templars; the Winter Palace puts the bloody reality of the "Grand Game" in stark contrast to its gilded veneer with the indiscriminate murder of servants for expediency.

But it’s important that we are introduced to the suffering of the common people early in the game, when the Herald—not yet the Inquisitor—may still feel pretty shaky on their motivations for even sticking around.

While I've mostly been talking about non-mage commoners here, I do want to say a few words about the rebel mages as well, since they too are a part of the story of the Hinterlands. I hope that no one reading thinks I am blaming the rebel mages as a whole for what's happening in the Hinterlands, for what the common people here have suffered. The templars, notably, are not entrenched in the Hinterlands. Their present stronghold is Therinfal Redoubt, an old Seeker fortress, which is a significant distance from Redcliffe. The fact that the bulk of the fighting is taking place near Redcliffe, while we've no evidence of a mage offensive against Therinfal, makes it pretty clear that it is the templars who are pursuing the mages at this point, not the other way around. Certainly some in the region may not bother to make that distinction while their crops are on fire, but let's be clear about the story the map is telling us: it is the mages who are under attack here, not the templars. It is sometimes said that Inquisition deliberately draws a false equivalence between the mages and templars in this war. I would like to point to this piece of environmental storytelling as evidence that that is not entirely true.

Sometimes, it seems like pointing out that collateral damage happens is read as condemning an oppressed people for defending themselves. I want to make it clear that this is not what I am saying. I simply feel that those characters who have lost homes and livelihoods in this conflict are also worth seeing, and talking about. But I also don’t think it’s an accident that this is the map whose story is all about the suffering of ordinary people, and it is also the rebel mages who have their base on this map; the templars do not.

So, that’s why I think the Hinterlands are Good Actually! They contain an absolute wealth of worldbuilding, and their story frames the game’s central conflicts around the people suffering for them, early in the game when that perspective is most needed.

#the hinterlands #dragon age inquisition #dragon age #dragon age meta #blunders of thedas

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rhoorl · 7 months

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Delta Landscaping | Chapter 6: Jeeps, Texts, and Sliders

Series Summary: In this AU, the boys of Delta Force start a new business post-Colombia.

Series Masterlist

Rating: Explicit (18+)

Word Count: 6.3k

Chapter Summary: We replay the day after Melissa’s party from the perspective of a couple of other characters before moving on.

Chapter Warning: A little smutty (fingering). Also a gray sweatpants reference (IYKYK). Reminder, I don’t have a beta for this, so any mistakes are all mine.

A/N: Many were curious about what Pope was up to so we’ll find out. Plus, a little bit of Katie and Will. Thanks to @trulybetty for a suggestion for one of the scenes! There are also a few Spanish phrases thrown in (for those who don't know, I'm Cuban-American, so the Hispanic references and characters throughout this story are particularly special to me). I have not included translations in text, but if you're curious I'm happy to translate anything!

David: Everyone alive and well?

Megan: I'm getting too old for this but it was a lot of fun. Right Katie 👀

Olivia: OMG Katie, Will is so hot! Please tell me you made out with him last night!

Katie: Hate to disappoint you Liv, but I didn't.

David: BOOOOO

Megan: Right?!

Katie: 🙄

Katie: Well, I will have you know that he's coming over for lunch today.

David: Oh he'll be coming alright 💦

Ty: LUCILLE IS ON THIS CHAT 🤦🏽‍♂️

Lucille: 😂

Olivia: Get it girl!!

David: Melissa? Earth to Melissa … are you there?

Ty: She's probably showing Danny how much she's gonna miss him. Two weeks is a long time 😏

________________

"Babe, do you know where my laptop charger is?" Danny frantically busted into the kitchen as Melissa fixed herself a coffee.

"It's right here," she pointed at the charger lying on the kitchen island.

"Oh shit, right in front of me. What time is it?" He looked at the clock on the oven which read 7:40 a.m. "Ok, Rodgers should be here by 8 so we can carpool to the airport."

"Nice, have everything packed?"

"Yup with the charger I have everything…and I still have some time to spare." He came around to where Melissa was standing, her back to him. He placed his arms around her on the counter, boxing her in. "How should we spend the time?" He nuzzled his head into her neck.

"It seems like you have an idea there captain," she felt a shiver down her spine as Danny started trailing kisses from under her ear, down her neck. "Baby, we don't have time," she giggled.

"I've done more with less time, you know that," his hand descended underneath the waistband of her sleep shorts, pushing her panties aside as his fingers dipped into her core. "Plus, it seems like you're already ready for me."

"Babe, mhmm, what's gotten into you," Melissa giggled as Danny collected some of her arousal and moved to slowly circle her clit.

"I'm gonna be gone for two weeks, I'll miss you. You gonna miss me?"

He trailed his fingers through her folds, teasing her a bit before pushing two fingers into her heat, the heel of his palm giving just enough friction as she bucked into it.

"Y-yea, I," Melissa mewled as she threw her head back, resting it on Danny's shoulder as he helped work her through the waves of her release. She turned in his arms, giving him a kiss. "Of course, I'm going to miss you. Two weeks is a long time," she pouted.

"I know, I'll be back before you know it. You'll go out with D and Ty and I'm sure the crew will get together, you'll keep yourself busy." He kissed her again and looked at the clock before giving a small fist pump. "And I still had five minutes to spare."

"Oh my gosh, you are ridiculous," Melissa laughed.

"Ah shit before I forget, could you go get an oil change for the Jeep while I'm gone?"

"Yeah, sure."

"And, not to be difficult, but could you take it to a different place? I know the guy at the last place ripped us off. Maybe check and see where Will takes his? I meant to ask him yesterday but forgot."

"Ok, yeah I'll head over there today to go ask him."

Honk

"That's Rodgers, gotta go. I'll text you when I make it to the hotel."

"Ok, I love you."

"Love you too."

After a quick kiss goodbye, Danny was off. Melissa watched as he got into his coworker's car, waving to both of them as they left.

"Two weeks," she sighed.

She checked her phone for the first time all morning and laughed as she caught up on the group chat.

Melissa: I’ll have you all know that Danny wished me a very nice goodbye as he left! 😉

David: Get it mama!

Olivia: You and Danny are just the cutest! 😍

Originally Melissa planned to take the day off to spend it wedding planning with David and Ty, but because of her recent cancellations, she now had the whole day free. So, she decided to be productive and clean the house. She changed out of her pajamas into a workout set, grabbed her headphones, turned on a Spotify station, and started picking things up.

Before she knew it, it was nearly lunchtime and the house was spotless. She made herself a salad and sat down on the couch to relax. When she finished, she walked over to the kitchen to put her bowl in the sink and saw Danny's keys on the counter.

"Shit, let me go ask Will before I forget."

She slipped on her shoes and headed out of the house, putting more pep in her step once she realized Will was home, seeing his Jeep parked in his driveway.

___________

When it came to sleeping, Santiago could sleep all day and still get a full eight hours at night. It drove the guys crazy, especially Will, but Santiago always rationalized it saying he was making up for all of the sleep that he was robbed of when they served.

This morning after Frankie's alarm went off Santiago was in no mood to get up, especially because he really had nowhere to be. Since getting back from his adventures around the globe, he hadn't been able to focus on what he wanted to do next. Helping Benny and Will with their new house was the only thing he really had that brought him a sense of purpose.

He slept like a rock after Frankie left and didn't wake up until a little after 11. He got up and sat on the side of the bed, rubbing his eyes. The house was quiet and as he padded out to the living room and saw no sign of Benny or Will.

His phone buzzed and he saw a series of missed texts from the guys. He gathered that Benny and Connor were at the gym and should be back soon. Will was out to pick up lunch for Katie before going over to her house and Frankie went to his meeting before heading to the airfield.

Santiago’s stomach grumbled so he opened the refrigerator pouting when he saw very few options. The boys had relied on Lucille for many of their recent meals, along with anything Frankie felt compelled to make. Thankfully, Benny always had a supply of sugary cereals in the pantry so he poured himself a bowl of Lucky Charms and sat at the dining room table.

A little while later he heard Will's Jeep rumble up the driveway. He waited for a second but when his friend didn't walk through the front door he decided to peer out through the window and saw Will making his way quickly down the sidewalk to Katie's house.

"Good luck," he smirked to himself.

He was about to head back into the room to throw a shirt on when he heard the doorbell ring. The guys didn't mention anything about someone dropping by so he again looked out the window, his stomach doing a flip when he saw Melissa standing at the front door.

She was dressed in navy blue high-waisted workout pants and a cropped racerback top of the same color, just a sliver of her skin showing. Her hair was in a ponytail and with a pair of silver-rimmed sunglasses perched atop her head.

Without thinking twice, he opened the door with a smirk, knowing she was going to be surprised to see him. Her jaw dropped and there was a sharp intake of breath as her eyes traced up and down his exposed torso. “S-Santiago! I, uh, I…is Will here?”

“No, he’s over at Katie’s, it’s just me.” He rubbed the back of his neck and then played with the silver chain around his neck.

“Oh, ah, ok. Well, never mind, didn’t mean to bother you.” She started to walk away.

“Sure there’s not something I could help you with?” He leaned against the doorframe.

“I was coming over here to ask Will for advice on an oil change.”

“An oil change?” His brows furrowed.

“Yeah, uh, Danny wanted me to get a…can you put a shirt on please?” She chewed her bottom lip as she nervously laughed.

Santiago smirked, “Sure, one sec. You can come in if you want.” He left the door open as he sauntered back to the spare room he and Frankie shared whenever they crashed.

Melissa timidly crossed the threshold, keeping the door open as she watched Santiago retreat into a room. He popped back just a moment later pulling a plain black T-shirt over his head.

“Can you concentrate better now?” He teased.

She rolled her eyes but couldn’t help the way the corners of her mouth turned up. “Like I was saying, Danny asked me to go get an oil change done on his Jeep while he was gone. Problem is, the guy we took it to last time was kind of a jerk and wanted to charge us for a bunch of stuff it didn’t need. I know Will has a Jeep, so I was curious where he goes.”

“Well, Will and Benny are the types of guys who do their oil changes themselves, Fish too for that matter.”

“What about you? You don’t like to get your hands dirty?” Now she was the one who leaned against the doorframe.

“Funny,” he gave her an up and down. “I do, just not with that. I know a guy, wanna go now?”

“Uh, like now now? Aren’t you…do any of you guys work?” She crossed her arms giving him a cheeky grin.

“We’re retired,” he said with a tight-lipped smile. “Besides, I could ask you the same question seeing as you’re here in the middle of the day.”

She shifted her weight onto one leg, putting her hand on her hip. “Well, for your information, I took the day off.”

“So you have time to do the oil change now then, huh? C’mon let’s go.” He grabbed his phone and wallet off the coffee table and headed out.

“You…wha-” Melissa stammered, frozen in place and unsure what to do.

“Vamos princesa.”

Santiago led the way back over to her house so she could grab the keys to the Jeep.

_________________

Lucille was driving back from the grocery store when she spotted Melissa and Santiago walking back toward Melissa’s house. She noticed them yesterday at the party, especially the lingering glances they each gave when the other wasn’t looking. Lucille made a mental note to bring this up to Francisco the next time she saw him.

_________________

The drive over to the auto shop was pleasant, Melissa laughing at Santiago as he told some grandiose story. When they arrived, he got out and spoke to the mechanic, Enrique, who was not subtle in the way he checked Melissa out.

Santiago admonished him and let Enrique know she spoke Spanish, in case he tried to say anything that was out of pocket. The man gave Santiago a hard time about dropping by unannounced but after a few moments of tense negotiations, he acquiesced and said he needed about an hour to get it done.

“Wanna get a coffee or something while we wait? There’s a good spot for Cuban coffee up a couple of blocks, we can walk.”

“Ok, yeah sure.”

As they walked over Santiago noticed Melissa fiddling with her engagement ring. “So, when’s the big day?”

“Ha, isn’t that the question of the year?”

“Sorry, didn’t mean to...”

“No, no, it’s ok. I…just…I don’t know. It’s a lot of pressure. Have you ever been married?”

“No,” he answered quickly. “No, I haven’t.”

“Not even engaged?”

“I know, hard to believe,” he smirked. “No, ah the other guys have kind of scared me off of that if I’m honest,” he blushed as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I don’t want to spill all of their secrets but…Will…he was engaged. Great girl, hell I was the one who introduced them. But he, he was dealing with some shit, hell we all were, and she was as supportive as she could be but she got to a breaking point and called things off. Then there’s Benny. The poor kid has had some shit luck. He almost proposed, had a ring and everything, and then, well, he didn’t get to do that. And Fish,” he sighed. “That shit was complicated from the beginning,” he nervously chuckled.

“Wow, sounds like you’ve all dealt with some stuff, huh?”

“Yea, only one of us who actually ever got married was T-...uh, yea, you can say we’ve dealt with some stuff.”

As they arrived at the coffee shop, Santiago opened the door for Melissa. Neither of them said anything as they looked at the menu.

“Know what you want?”

“Uh, yeah, I think so.”

Santiago lightly put his hand on the small of her back, guiding her toward the register as he followed. When she placed her order, he quickly placed his and handed the barista his card.

“Santiago, you don’t have to do that! You’re doing me a favor,” she laughed.

He playfully rolled his eyes at her as he took his card back, tapping the screen to leave a tip.

Once they settled into a table with their drinks, Melissa eyed Santiago. She wanted to follow up on their earlier discussion but was unsure how to do it. He clearly wanted to skirt past his own story in favor of that of his friends.

“Have something on your mind?” He finally broke the silence.

“You said the other guys scared you off…do you…d’you think you’ll ever get married?”

“Ah…well, I don’t know. I don’t want to say never, but I guess I’m not really looking for that right now,” he looked into her eyes and then focused his gaze down to his coffee cup, fiddling with the sleeve. “Are you excited to get married?”

“Uh….” Melissa fidgeted in her chair as she brushed her fingers through the end of her ponytail.

“I’ll take the lack of an immediate yes as a no?”

“It’s…complicated.”

“Well, I’m all ears,” he leaned back in his chair, looking her over.

“It’s just…Danny and I have been together for a long time. I love him, I really do, I just…I don’t know I feel like life has been kind of set for me rather than me like, I don’t know, making my own choices? That probably makes no sense, I’m making no sense,” she started to ramble.

“Hey,” he reached over and grabbed her hand. “You don’t have to have it all figured out.”

“I know, but it’s like everyone else has a timeline and expectations for me. I’m going to turn 30 in a couple of months and then I’m going to start getting more shit about my biological clock and…”

“Wait, you’re not even 30 yet?” Santiago coughed.

“No…”

“Oh, sorry, I just. I knew you were younger I just didn’t realize how much.”

“Well, how old are you?”

“It starts with a 4 and that’s all you need to know,” he smirked as she giggled.

“Ok viejo, so tell me, you’ve never had a serious relationship then?”

Santiago shifted in his seat before leaning forward, both forearms on the table. “I did, one. I’ve had one, although if you ask the guys they’ll tell you it’s more, but it was really just Sofia. But it uh, obviously, didn’t work out,” he gave a small tight smile. “It’s kind of a telenovela situation,” he laughed.

“Ha.”

The conversation quickly shifted to them chatting about the other guys, Santiago sharing some funny stories about each of them and Melissa laughed so hard she was almost crying. They both lost track of how much time had passed before Santiago’s phone rang and he saw it was Enrique calling to let him know the car was done.

“Time to head back princesa!” He tapped the table, getting up to pull her chair out.

Once they got the car, Melissa asked where he wanted her to drop him off. He said that Frankie’s house would be fine and directed her to the house. When she parked in the driveway, he hesitated for a moment before he got out.

“Hey, thanks for helping me out today, Danny is going to be so happy to hear I found a new spot.”

“You’re welcome, and if Enrique tries to give him a hard time in the future you call me ok,” he laughed.

“Sure,” she smiled as he started to get out. “Wait! Um…I…I don’t have your number. You know, in case he gives me a hard time.” She smirked as she handed him her phone.

“Right,” he took it and punched in his number, sending himself a text so he had hers.

“Well, see you later Santiago.”

______________________

Santiago had just cracked open a beer when he heard Frankie walk into the house from the garage.

“Fuck, you scared the shit out of me!” Frankie jumped when he turned the corner and saw Santiago. “You didn’t answer your phone, Will and Benny hadn’t heard from you… I was getting ready to go looking for you.”

“Sorry, I was busy, I didn’t want to be on my phone.”

“Hmm…ok,” Frankie took the beer Santiago offered him. “Busy doing what?”

“Stuff.”

Frankie laughed, “You know I know you better than anyone, so if you’re going to try and hide some shit from me you need to do a better job of it. I know all of your tells.”

Santiago rolled his eyes and leaned against the counter, “Fine. But don’t get how you get.” Frankie put his hands up in surrender. “I was with Melissa…but not like that. I helped her with an oil change.”

Frankie narrowed his eyes as he took a swig from his beer. “That’s what we’re calling it these days? An oil change?”

“Fish, I swear to god, I took her to Enrique’s. She needed to get the car done while Danny was out and the last place ripped her off. She was coming over to ask Will where he takes the Jeep. Nothing else happened. ¿Me entiendes?”

Frankie raised his eyebrow and tilted his head as he stayed calm, taking a sip from his beer. Santiago’s defensiveness was not going unnoticed. “Entendido. You have to admit that it doesn’t look great, though. Did anyone see you?”

“No, we drove in her car and she dropped me off here. No one was out walking a dog or taking a kid around the block, ok? Relax.”

“I think you’re the one who needs to relax hermano,” Frankie shook his head. “We’re also going to need something stronger than beer.” He walked over to the cabinet to pull out a bottle of whiskey.

____________________

Katie’s Tuesday was much less eventful than the day before. By the time it was lunchtime, she couldn’t stand to be in the house anymore. Whenever she walked down her hallway or even looked at it, her mind flashed back to her steamy makeout session yesterday with Will. She was also extra frustrated since she had a less than pleasurable time with her vibrator this morning, wishing she had the real thing rather than the toy that had become an all-too-familiar fixture in her life as of late.

She was restless, sitting on the couch with her forearms restingon her knees, unsure how she wanted to spend the next hour.

“Fuck it.”

She stomped over to her room and changed into a more supportive sports bra, threw her running shoes on, grabbed her wireless headphones, and decided to head out for a jog around the neighborhood. She took up running following her divorce, finding it gave her the time and space to sort through all of the shit she had kept built up for years with Sebastian.

On her loop back to Mule Fall Court, she saw a blonde man in the distance, also running. As she got closer her stomach dropped realizing it was a very sweaty Will who was not wearing a shirt. He must have noticed her at the same time because he waved and crossed the street where Katie was.

“Hey,” he attempted to catch his breath while wiping his brow with his forearm.

“Hey! I didn’t realize there was someone else who was crazy like me and ran in the middle of the day in the summer.” Katie managed to get out while also trying to catch her breath.

“Ha yea, well, I missed out on going with Connor and Benny to the gym this morning and wanted to get my run in while I could,” he smiled at her, trying as discreetly as possible to check her out. “Um, hey in the rush to get out yesterday I realized I never got your number,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “You know, so we could coordinate a time to come over with Connor.”

“Oh…oh yeah, sorry about that by the way…um, here,” she blushed as she motioned to Will’s phone.

He handed it over to her and she punched her phone number in and saved her contact as Neighbor Katie before handing the phone back to him.

“Ha, Neighbor Katie, huh? Well, here let me send you a text. Can I request you save my number as Neighbor Will?” he chuckled.

“I think I can manage that,” she laughed.

“Cool…well, sent.”

They both stared at each other for a few moments, unsure who was going to speak first. Finally, Will caved.

“Um, would you want to maybe go uh…wanna hang out sometime?”

“Hang out?” she smirked. “What do you mean by that?”

Will blushed, it had been a while since he’d asked a woman out on a date. “Ha, um…sorry, I’m bad at this.”

Katie felt a little rush, seeing how flustered Will was while also noticing how his ab muscles flexed when he laughed. “Are you asking me out on a date Will?”

“Ah…well, yeah. Yeah, I am. But if you don’t…”

“No I do,” she cut him off. “Yeah, let’s…hang out,” she smirked.

“Cool, well, I guess I’ll text you. Unless I run into you again.” He winked as he lightly bit his lower lip.

“Sounds good, Will, I’ll see ya.”

They both smiled as they parted ways, heading in opposite directions.

Katie walked into her house giddy at the idea of going out on a date with Will. Megan had tried setting her up on countless dates in recent months but no one ever really made her this excited. Will was a nice guy, and obviously easy on the eyes, and she liked being around him. Although he was quiet, it never felt like there were awkward silences with him.

She knew Megan would wring her neck if she didn’t immediately inform her about what just happened, so she opened up her text messages as she went to the fridge to refill her water bottle.

Katie: Holy shit. You’ll be so proud of me. I think I’m going on a date soon.

When she hit send she put the phone down and rummaged through her fridge to find some ingredients for a sandwich. She checked her phone and nearly dropped her plate when she realized what she had done.

“Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Her face was red hot as she realized that had inadvertently texted Will instead of Megan who was typically the first thread in her text messages. She shot a quick glance out her living room window, cursing herself that she left the curtains all the way open this morning to bask in some of the sunlight. Although she didn’t see Will anywhere outside, she wasn’t sure if he was done running yet or not so she hid behind her kitchen island to be out of sight and dialed Megan.

“C’mon pick up pick up.”

“Hey, everything ok?”

“Fuck, Meg. I fucked up.”

“Whoa, whoa. Slow down. What happened? Are you ok?”

“Physically yes. But I’m fucking mortified. I…ugh shit he just read it!” Katie let out an exasperated sigh.

“What are you talking about? Do you need me to come over there? Did Seb call you?”

Katie talked a mile a minute to get everything out to Megan, telling her about how she met Will and they exchanged numbers and made plans to go out on a date. Megan’s first reaction was to laugh, which made Katie whine even more.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry…you have to admit this is kind of funny and so something you would do,” Megan continued to chuckle as she typed away on her computer. “Has he responded yet?”

“Ugh, no he hasn’t…wait, there’s bubbles, he’s typing.”

________________

Will lightly jogged back to his driveway as he heard the roar of the engine of Benny’s TransAm coming up the street. He greeted his brother and Connor and the three of them headed inside to eat.

“How was your run,” Benny called out as he walked into his room to change out of his sweaty clothes.

“Actually pretty good, I…uh…I got Katie’s number.”

“No way man, that’s awesome,” Connor slapped him on the shoulder, making Will chuckle at the boy’s enthusiasm and apparent investment in his, and Katie’s, love life.

Will’s phone dinged, but he ignored it, figuring it was probably Pope adding some stupid joke to the guys’ group chat.

Benny came back around the corner pulling his shirt over his head with his very well-worn slouchy gray sweatpants slung low on his waist. “Oh shit, no way. You didn’t get that yesterday? I mean after you kissed her and grabbed her-”

“Hey, hey,” he interrupted his brother, cutting his eyes over at Connor.

“I’m not in elementary school, I’ve hooked up with girls before,” Connor straightened up, puffing out his chest a bit.

“Girls, plural?” Benny smirked.

“Ok, girl. Just one girl. It was freshman year and we kept our clothes on, but it still counts ok!”

“Yeah, buddy, it’s all good,” Benny chuckled. “But seriously, Will, do you have any plans to see her? Ya’ll going out on a date or something? Shit, when’s the last time you went out on a date?”

“Could ask you the same question asshole,” Will snapped back, picking up his phone. “Oh shit. Hey, look.” Will unlocked his phone and showed Benny and Connor the text that came in from Katie. “That…that wasn’t meant for me right?”

“Oh, that was probably for my mom, they text each other literally all day every day.”

“Shit, she’s probably really embarrassed.”

“C’mon let’s fuck with her, give her a hard time,” Benny took the phone from Will, starting to compose a message.

Will wrestled the phone out of his brother’s hands, annoyed that Benny’s longer arms made it hard for him to get to the phone. “Stop it. Ok…let’s not give her too hard of a time, but let’s have some fun.” Will smiled, which made Benny whoop with laughter.

___________________

Neighbor Will: Going on a date soon, huh? Nice. Who’s the lucky guy?

Katie read the text out loud practically as it was delivered. “Ok, so he didn’t immediately think I was a complete weirdo, that’s a good sign, right?”

“Babe, you just probably gave him such a big ego boost, he’s got to be loving this. Be a little flirty back, c’mon.”

They debated back and forth on what to text next, letting the rest of the conversation play out, giggling like they were in high school.

Katie: Oh, just some guy who I met recently. He’s pretty good-looking.

Neighbor Will: Good looking, huh?

Katie: A little. 😉

Neighbor Will: Like good looking as in handsome? Or good looking as in hot?

Katie: That’s my secret…

Neighbor Will: So when’s this date? Gotta make sure this guy is legit.

Katie: I don’t know, we haven’t decided yet.

Neighbor Will: Fridays always seem to be a good day.

Katie: Very true. Seems like a good way to end the week.

Neighbor Will: Well, maybe your date can come up with a fun idea for you two between now and then.

Katie: He seems like a planner, so I have no doubt.

Neighbor Will: Well, it sounds like you have a date.

Neighbor Will: Pick you up at 7? 😉

Katie: Sure, sounds good.

“See! Now if that wasn’t a great recovery then I don’t know what it is!” Megan cheered Katie on over the phone.

“Holy shit, I’m going to need a drink.”

“I got you sister. I’m putting a bottle of wine in the fridge right now! Come over after work! I’ll call in some reinforcements.”

____________________

Promptly at 5 p.m., closed her laptop and got a little bag together to head over to Megan’s complete with some cheese, crackers, and olives. Throughout the afternoon various members of the Neighborhood Watch popped into the group chat saying they were free to come over for an impromptu get-together.

Katie knew her texting faux pas was going to be a subject of conversation and while the attention would normally make her want to crawl into a hole, she knew the crew would make her laugh and lift her spirits. She was already bracing for whatever smartass comment David was sure to give her, but she was ready for it – she needed to be around her friends.

As she made her way up Megan’s porch, the door swung open. Connor was on the other side, his eyes going wide when he saw Katie.

“Hey C!”

His eyes grew wide and he gulped. “H-hey Ms. Katie.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah…sorry, I wasn’t expecting to see you…um, I’m going to go see Will.” he blurted out.

“Oh…ok cool. Having a guys’ night then huh?” She wiggled her eyebrows trying to lighten the mood.

“Yea. I…um…I’m gonna go.”

“Ok C, I’ll see ya. Hey, you good to come over to my house on Saturday to build some stuff? Don’t feel like you have to.”

“No, I mean, yeah I’ll be there. I don’t mind Ms. Katie. I told you I’d help.”

“Alrighty bud, I’ll see ya.”

Katie closed to door and walked in on Megan who was pulling a dish out of the oven.

“Holy shit that smells good, what is that?”

“Oh hey babe, it’s this garlic and herb baked brie thing I found on Pinterest. Did you see Connor on his way out? He was supposed to take over these buffalo chicken sliders I made for the guys. They’re apparently going to teach Connor how to play poker tonight,” she chuckled.

“Ha, oh jeez. Yeah, I saw him. He was kinda awkward with me though, it’s like he saw a ghost or something when he saw me.” She tried to snag a bite of the brie but Megan swatted her hand away.

“Everyone will be here soon, wait! And uh…yea, about that. Apparently, he was over at Will’s today when you guys were texting.”

“Well, it’s not like a sent a picture of my tits or anything…”

“I know, but he felt bad that you may have been embarrassed, you know how he is.”

“Oh I know, our sweet little Connie bear. How’re things going with him and Aria?”

“Good, I think. I’m trying to not ask Benny a ton of questions, but I’m dying to know more.”

“Ooo…Benny huh?’ Katie teased, arching one of her eyebrows. “He’s hot as fuck Meg, you thought about doing anything about that?”

Megan rolled her eyes, “For starters, he’s like 10 years younger than me and I see him like a little brother, ew.”

Katie wasn’t convinced but didn’t press the issue as she heard the door open.

“Party’s here!” David shouted as he danced through the front door, a bottle of sparkling wine in his hand as Ty followed carrying a couple of containers for Lucille who was trailing behind them.

The five of them chitchatted while they waited for Melissa and Olivia to arrive, politely waiting to dig into the spread until David broke the tension and started fixing himself a plate. “Look we said be here by 7, I know Liv is probably dealing with bedtime and shit, but Melissa has no excuse. They can’t be mad that we started eating.”

Almost on cue, Melissa strolled through the front door carrying some fresh-baked cookies.

“Liv texted, one of the twins is sick so she can’t make it,” Megan let the group know as they all sat around the living room with their snacks and drinks.

“Katie, I am dying to know what your last like 36 hours have been like. Please dish!” Ty teased.

She reluctantly rehashed her lunch date, going in more detail than she was planning on thanks to very specific questions from David. When she finally got to the part where she accidentally texted him, they all nearly spit out their drinks.

“Oh shit, Katie…that would happen to you,” Melissa chuckled.

“It was so fucking embarrassing,” Katie put her head in her hands.

“Why mi cielo? So he knows you were excited to go out on a date, what’s the harm in that?” Lucille rubbed Katie’s back. “He’s so handsome, have some fun!”

“Thank you, Lulu, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell her!” Megan cheered.

“Well, cheers to your date and hopefully getting some dick!” David raised his glass as everyone else groaned and rolled their eyes.

_________________

“Ok, so a full house is better than a flush?” Connor looked at his cards confused, showing them to Benny who was sitting to his right.

“Lemme see…” Benny peered over at his hand. “Yeah, you have a full house which would be better than a flush, but unfortunately I have you beat,” he laid down his cards. “Straight flush.”

The rest of the guys groaned as Benny fist pumped, winning his fifth-straight hand.

“How about we take a break, huh? Refill drinks?” Frankie asked as he got up.

“No fair Fish, you’re just mad that you’re losing.” Benny huffed.

Connor and Will also pushed back from the table to head to the refrigerator, Santiago and Benny following.

“Pizza should be here soon,” Will said as he checked his phone.

“Ugh,” Connor shook his head. “My mom made some slider things for me to bring and I forgot to bring them. I was a little distracted on the way out.”

“Did Aria text you or something?” Benny asked as he took a swig of his beer.

“No, uh, Katie came by. They’re all having a get-together.”

“Probably to talk about you güero,” Santiago slapped Will on the chest. “Connor, you think they’re going to be there a while?”

“At my house? I mean, it won’t be super late, but they’re still there now.”

“C’mon Will, let’s go get our…what were they Connor, sliders?” Santiago confirmed with Connor before he and a reluctant Will made their way across the street.

_______________

“So Lulu, any chisme you care to share with us?” Ty asked.

“Well, actually yes. I saw Ethan today, he showed 306 to a family as a favor to one of his realtor friends.”

“Oooo did you see the people?” Melissa asked, curious who her new neighbors may be.

“Just from afar, it was a family, a couple and they had two kids with them.”

“Were they hot?” David asked as Ty playfully slapped him on the forearm.

“I couldn’t get as close of a look as I wanted, but the husband kind of reminded me of Francisco, just with shorter hair and no beard and wearing a suit.”

The group was laughing in the living room when they heard the doorbell ring.

“Do you think that’s Liv?” Melissa asked.

“Nah, none of you ring the doorbell anymore,” Megan chuckled as she walked over to see who was at her front door. “Oh…hey boys! Come on in.” She ushered Santiago and Will inside, shushing Bucky who started barking at the visitors. “Oh stop it, you know them.”

Katie’s eyes widened and the sight of Will who was rubbing the back of his neck as he walked behind Santiago who confidently strolled into the room.

Lucille flashed a quick glance over to Melissa who straightened up at the sight of Santiago while smoothing down her hair.

“Hey everyone, so sorry to intrude on your uh…party, but Megan, Connor mentioned there was something he forgot to bring over,” Santiago flashed a charming smile.

“Oh yeah! I actually have them still on the stove so they should be a little warm, may just have to pop them in the microwave for a few before you serve them. Katie, can you help me,” Megan nodded to her friend to join her in the kitchen as the rest of the crew made small talk with the guys.

“What the fuck,” Katie whispered to Megan as they got to the kitchen.

“Aww what…Will wanted to come and see you,” Megan teased as she wrapped aluminum foil onto the platter. “You should see the way he was looking at you. Here take this to your man.”

“He’s not my man,” Katie rolled her eyes, yelping a bit as Megan slapped her on the ass as she walked out of the kitchen.

As they walked back into the living room, David and Santiago were cracking jokes back and forth.

“Here you go,” Katie announced, walking towards Will.

“Thanks,” he smiled as he inhaled sharply as their fingers brushed against each other when she handed over the tray. “Didn’t mean to bother you all, we’ll get going. Promise we won’t have Connor over too late Meg.”

“All good, it’s the summer so he can stay out as late as he wants!” Megan waved them off.

“Ok, well, still. We’ll make sure he gets back. You have a great night,” Will said to everyone but looked at Katie with a smile.

A/N: For some reason, I was having trouble with this chapter, but I eventually got it to a place I liked, so I hope you like it too!

When the two men finally walked out, the group stayed quiet for about 10 seconds before they started whooping and hollering about their unexpected, but very welcome, visitors.

Next chapter

Let me know if you want to be on the tag list moving forward!! Apologies if I accidentally left you off, I do all of this manually so I'm sure I've messed something up!

@goodwithcheese / @gemmahale / @trulybetty / @patti7dc / @periodtsparadox / @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin / @maggiemayhemnj / @mysterious-moonstruck-musings / @avastrasposts/ @meveispunk / @chaoticfestninja / @beholdbebravethings / @casa-boiardi / @katw474 / @linzels-blog / @laughing-in-th3-purple-rain / @pimosworld / @lynnchun / @anoverwhelmingdin /@lilmizmoz / @pedrit0-pascalit0 / @titlee78 / @noisynightmarepoetry / @inept-the-magnificent / @perennialdoll247 / @for-a-longlongtime / @readingiskeepingmegoing / @harriedandharrassed / @musings-of-a-rose / @anavatazes / @sherala007 / @midnightraain / @partyofone3413

#delta landscaping #triple frontier boys #triple frontier fic #santiago garcia #will miller

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datura-tea · 4 months

Text

holy shit this year marks 10 years of this blog and moz!! i can't remember the exact date i started posting here - my archive says i have one post from november 2013 but let's disregard that - but i do remember it was around late 2014/early 2015 :)

^ one of the very first moz art pieces i ever drew, for fallout week 2015!!

memories and art through the years under a read more bc it got long

2014 → baby's first rpg!! i started playing fnv on my cousin's jailbroken xbox late 2013 and finished mid 2014 and i loved every minute of it. i remember waking up at 8am and playing almost nonstop until 2am the next day haha!

i didn't play moz on my first playthrough - but i did start creating a character that would eventually become her: a shorthaired ex-boxer who punched her way through obstacles when diplomacy failed. i remember she spent a lot of time with boone. i liked him then, because he saved my ass more times than i can count. but i digress. this is draft 1 moz essentially

2015 → this is the year that i was doing my thesis so i could graduate but i was so depressed and stressed about it that i distracted myself by replaying fnv on pc, where i played through the dlcs for the first time. i fell in love with the dlcs' oversarching story; particularly ulysses, who i became obssessed with, especially since i couldn't find any content of him at the time. in the game, i played as moz; i had most of her personality and choices down, but her backstory was still up in the air.

fun fact: this was an existing sideblog that i remade to be a fallout blog so i could look for ulysses content, and when i couldn't find any, i made some myself, featuring moz as my main courier six. originally, i didn't ship them, but eventually i ended the year as a courier/ulysses otp shipper.

this was the year i started drawing digitally - my uncle let me borrow a drawing tablet and i used an old copy of photoshop i pirated hehe

2016 → i graduated this year!! and promptly fell deeper into my depression. this was the year that it got so bad that i had to be medicated. through it all, this blog and moz and ulysses and my fandom friends were with me. and for that i am truly grateful :) this was the year i figured out how to lock transparent pixels so that i could color my lineart lol

2017 → i started hammering out moz's backstory this year i think. there's a lot of sketches of her and her family in my files. i experimented with shading and backgrounds here but that experimentation was pretty short-lived

2018 → i started using references seriously!!!! i did a lot of oc on oc kissing this year, featuring mostly moz and many friend ocs haha

2019 → didn't draw much this year. actually this year was a blur and i can't remember much from it except from it being the year of my terrible no good bad copywriting jobs... anyway i did manage to continue my courier/ulysses brainrot and make this piece, which i'm still proud of

2020 → pandemic time. i spent a lot of time asleep at home and i think this was also the year i started doing commissions?? shoutout to anyone who has ever commissioned me - thank you so much, i truly appreciate it!!

2021 → i switched from my old-ass pirated photoshop to clip studio paint and never looked back. also i did a bunch of commissions for my grandmother's surgery, which failed, and i distracted myself from the sadness by drawing my ocs over and over and playing disco elysium

2022 → by this year, i've got moz down pat and have started vaguely developing other ocs instead. but she's still always at the back of my mind

2023 → i bought new brushes from true grit texture supply and immediately found new favorites that i started using for everything. i tentatively started incorporating background elements in some pieces!

2024 → while it's still too early to say where this year will lead me art-wise, i will say that i started experimenting in realistic paint studio (which i bought in 2021, the same time as clip studio paint) a few days ago and i'm liking the results so far. we'll see!

all in all, these last 10 years have been quite a ride, but i'm glad i stuck around and i'm glad you guys stuck around too!! much much love 💖💖💖

#shh peri shhh #god. look at that old art... i took the ones that i still kinda liked but the rest...#well i don't hate them. but they're old and of their time and i wish i could redo them lmao #my art #moz

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thefallennightmare · 3 months

Text

Mercy-Three

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Pairings: Noah Sebastian x Fallen Angel!OC

Warnings: swearing, angst, fluff, smut, mythological talk, violence.

Summary: "Blinded by a fear of feeling, these are the kings we chose. Lost and looking for the meaning, I've been searching high and low" It came crashing down on him. This is the story of the highest banished angel from where she came only to find home in the arms of a mortal man. This mortal realizing he'd face Lucifer himself to keep her.

Lethia: Archangelus Oneironaut also known as Archangel of Dream Walking. Across worlds and dimensions, she walks within. Uncovering dangerous secrets, leaving her cast out, isolated- that is until she begins to learn what it means to feel.

Authors Notes: Hope everyone enjoys this chapter!

Tags[OPEN]: @thescarlettvvitch @blackveilomens @crimson-calligraphyx @cookiesupplier @lyschko666 @shilohrosechicken @thebadchic @iknownothingpeople @sammyjoeee @malice-ov-mercy @kaelyn-lobrutto24 @collapsedglasshouses

LETHIA

I sat in the darkness of the old building with a scatter of books in front of me and a face of pure rage. These texts were all wrong, they had to be. There was absolutely no way that Lucifer was the evil that this bible talked about. He never tempted anyone into any sin. He was valued in the Kingdom and so many other angels turned to him in times of despair; me included.

Kicking the bible away with my boot, I turned to the next book and perched it on my lap.

The Book of Enoch.

Watchers. Nephilim. The fall of angels.

All of those words replayed in my brain as I read through the book for what seemed like the third time, searching for an answer I subconsciously knew wasn’t there.

"The Grigori, who with their prince Satanail rejected the Lord of light,” I read the words out loud, my wavering voice echoing into the large space.

Slamming the book shut, I tossed it back into the pile with the others and quickly rose to my feet, done with my studying for the day. Ever since I thought I saw Lucifer, I spent the last handful of days searching all over the world for the books at my feet but could only search in the darkness of the night so as not to risk mortals seeing me.

I tried dream walking to find where Lucifer had ended up but only found myself walking into a dream of someone who wasn’t familiar. The only scene in front of me was a vast field of green overtaken by bloodshed and soot from what some may thought came from the burning woods behind me.

Although, I knew it wasn’t soot that covered the ground at my feet. It was something not many mortals saw quite often.

Angel dust.

It was only ever left behind after an intense battle, their energy staying behind in a variety of ways; most of the time in angel dust.

However, the destruction from the battle and angel dust weren’t what made my stomach twist in knots. It was the crumbled body that lay at my feet, blood pouring from a gash in his neck but I couldn’t see his face due to his long locks of hair covering it. The crow that seemed to follow me everywhere pecking away at the open wound on the man's chest.

I ran a hand through my hair, the black locks not as shocking as the first night after my fall, and slipped on my jacket. It was worn from me spending the last few nights flying from other ends of the earth and two large slits in the back from where my wings extended from my back. The old building I’d been hiding away in since my fall almost two weeks ago was slowly becoming my home. I didn’t have a bed since angels didn’t need to sleep. We could, if we wanted to, however, I never felt the need to.

There was no food since, like sleep, angels didn’t need to eat. Although I did indulge in some sweets now and then from the bakery across the street, I didn’t feel the need to sit and have a meal.

The one thing, however, I did need was a shower but unfortunately, this abandoned building did not have running water. Which meant late in the evenings, I found myself bathing in the ocean; the salt water helped maintain the life and color of my wings.

Dreaded black wings.

With a long sigh, I stepped out into the night California air to head back to the bookstore that was around the block. Among the intellectual texts I’ve picked up, I’ve also begun reading up on psychology and philosophy just as a way to pass the time.

“Hello, Lethia! I was hoping you’d stop by tonight,” Greg, the older gentleman behind the bookstore counter, smiled at me.

I raised a playful brow. “I told you I would. You promised you’d have something for me.”

Greg slid over a worn book to me. “It took me some time to find it but here it is.”

The corner of my lip curled carefully and flipped through The Death of Socrates, my nostrils flaring at the old book smell.

“How much do I owe you?” I asked Greg.

He waved me off. “Same as always. Just make sure to return them in the same condition. No one ever asks for Plato’s work anymore; it's such a shame. So any chance I can scour for one of them, makes me happy.”

I tapped the counter with a smile. “Thank you, Greg. I’ll make sure to bring you a cannoli when I return the book.”

“I think this deserves a large pan of Baklava,” he said while placing another book on the counter.

The Secrets of Lucifer.

My red eyes darkened as I carefully picked up the book, it weighing heavy in my hand.

“Greg, I will bring you whatever your heart desires for this,” I shifted my eyes to his. “Thank you.”

With both books tucked away in a bag from the shop, I maneuvered my way through crowds of people, scowling at the King above for dropping me into one of the busiest cities. A bright neon sign on a building caught my gaze as I approached the street where my makeshift home was.

Live Music.

Music? Maybe I can find a hint about where Lucifer is.

Before I stepped inside the building, a chilling and painful breeze brushed across the back of my neck causing me to spin on my heels. A loud ringing scratched at my ears but I remained stoned as my eyes hastily looked around the busy street and sidewalk. Something was different in the air; it smelled different.

Titling my head to the side, I gazed down at my feet when something caught my attention.

“What are you doing here?” I muttered.

Dark eyes from the crow stared into my soul as it was perched between my feet.

“I’m not dreaming so why are you here?” I bent to my knees.

I knew it was the same one from my dream walking because of the single white path of feathers that ran down its spine. The crow continued to stare at me, not making a sound, so I tapped its head with a gentle finger.

“If you’re here outside a dream,” I looked at my surroundings once again. “It can only mean one thing and that my friend, is what I was afraid of.”

Rising to my feet, I ushered the bird away with a simple flick. “Go see what you can find for me.”

With a simple caw, the crow fluttered its wings and flew to an unknown destination as I turned on my heels walking into the building. It was loud from the constant pounding from the speakers and the boisterous voices from the packed crowd. Everyone in Los Angeles was here tonight as I pushed my way through to find a single spot open at the bar.

“What can I get you?” A petite blonde behind the bar asked me with a smile, but when she took one gaze into my red eyes, she took a large step back.

It was like this every time someone took their first look at me. Red eyes must not have been common here on earth.

“I’m alright, thank you.” I gave a curt nod while sitting on the stool and began reading The Death of Socrates.

It didn’t last long, however, when a man pushed his way past the bodies on both sides of me so he could lean against the bar, eyeing me down.

“Who the fuck reads at a bar?”

Ignoring him, I simply turned the page, continuing to read.

This prompted him to lay his large hand on the pages of the book, crumpling them.

My head snapped up towards him when his green eyes ravaged my face, licking his lips slowly. “I’m not into broads with short hair or eyes like yours but I’m sure if I fuck you from behind, it won’t be an issue.”

“I’d suggest if you want to keep that hand that you take it off of my book,” I said with an eerily calm voice.

“Or what?” He snorted. “You think you can do anything to me?”

Just before I was about to rise to my feet, a loud voice came through the speaker which prompted the man to push away from my book and disappear into the crowd.

“We have a treat for you guys tonight!” The voice in the microphone made my ears burn as I screwed my eyes shut. “These guys are on break from tour but we managed to talk them into playing a show for you all. Give it up for Bad Omens!”

Bad Omens.

My eyes snapped open just in time for me to look up at the stage before me when that familiar face beamed out into the crowd. His almond eyes shone brightly as he began singing the first song, other familiar faces registering in my mind as they played their instruments.

The man playing what I was sure was the drums: Nick, the one I had pinned to the ground the first time I fell to Earth.

The man with long hair playing a guitar. I didn’t know his name but I remembered his voice didn’t sound like the others.

The man playing an instrument I just learned about, the bass. He was also there that night but I didn’t talk to him.

Then the last man stood front and center as he sang into a microphone, his hair falling around his shoulders in dark waves. Those almond eyes scanned over every face in the crowd until they rested on mine; a breath getting caught in my throat.

Noah.

I was only a few feet away from the stage so when our eyes locked, Noah’s face broke out in a smile as he took a couple steps towards me.

“And when he has you by your neck,” he screamed into the microphone.

I expected him to sound like something else; nothing like this. So eternal. So elegant. So breathtaking.

I stood there frozen as Noah danced across the stage, the crowd jumping along with him. People even enjoyed jumping on top of each other as others moved them along, carrying them throughout.

As Bad Omens played their set, I couldn’t move; transfixed on the sight of them before me. I couldn’t explain this weird feeling that surged through me as Noah’s eyes kept darting over to me, almost making sure I was still there. Then when he waved toward me during their last song, my heart studered in my chest.

What was this feeling? It was unknown and it scared me to absolute death to follow it.

But then something familiar tickled behind my neck, chills covering every inch of my skin and I hastily looked around me to see the crow perched outside the open door of the building. The noise of Bad Omens and the crowd faded to nothing as all I could hear was the constant cawing of the bird, almost beckoning me to follow.

“Lethia, come back to me.”

Whirling behind me, I expected to see Lucifer but ended up scaring the people who stood there when they took in the wild look in my eyes.

“Lethia, you belong to me.”

Lucifer’s voice was loud in my mind now as I whirled around again, this time facing the stage. My eyes caught with Noah’s and he gave me a slight frown before he took the steps down the stage to come towards me.

“You were sworn to me and me alone. No other being on this earth can have you.”

“Stop it,” I muttered, closing my eyes.

“Why haven’t you looked for me? Why haven’t you come to me?”

I clawed at my ears, now yelling. “STOP! LUCIFER STOP!”

“Lethia.”

Noah's soft voice cooed as he reached for my hands, the touch unknown and unfamiliar; as if the wind was grasping at me.

“You’re a disgrace for a soldier of Lucifer’s. How dare you spend time with a mortal?”

My eyes snapped open at this new voice, only to be clouded with a new vision of a face I hadn’t seen in a very long time.

White eyes. Even whiter hair. A large golden hoop hanging from the middle of their nose.

Her name fell from my lips as darkness suddenly took over, my body falling to a heap into Noah’s arms.

LETHIA

I stood alone in an empty field, the same one I dreamed walked in earlier. Angel dust covered the ground and fluttered in the air. Smoke weighed heavily in my nostrils, leaving a bitter aftertaste on my tongue. The crow pecked away at the gaping wound in the stomach of the man who lay at my feet.

His long brown locks were covering his face so bending slowly at the knees, careful not to disturb the crow, and black nails brushed away the hair from the man's face, void almond eyes staring into my soul.

I choked on his name as I stumbled back, falling to my ass.

“No-.”

Suddenly, a fast and hard stampede echoed in my ears and my chest as I scrambled to my knees. Large, black wings exploded from my back with a gust of wind just in time for a massive bull to run towards me. With my left hand outstretched and a mere thought of a dagger, it appeared out of thin air. I threw the dagger at the bull when it was less than five feet away from me, only for it to bounce off its large back.

“Shit,” I cursed, protecting myself with my wings.

The bull’s nostrils flared, a puff of breath blowing through the angel dust, then as I prepared myself for impact, the bull stopped meters in front of my face. Its warm breath now fanning over my face as I gritted my teeth.

Bright white eyes stared back at me as the large golden hoop protruding from its nose rumbled with each deep breath.

“Lethia, my how you’ve changed,” the bull's voice spoke in my mind.

“Maraxa,” I spat with ice-cold venom.

The bull chuffed, dragging its feet against the grass. Its black horns were almost too large for its head but somehow seemed as if it weighed nothing. Its lips curled back in a deep snarl, sharp black teeth covered with blood held my gaze.

“You’ve been hiding your scent well, Lethia.”

“I didn’t know you were looking for me,” I said.

The bull chuffed. “My dear, everyone is looking for you. Unlucky for you, however, Lucifer and I have found you first.”

I raised a brow. “Oh, since when did it become Lucifer and I? You were nothing to him before we fell.”

“Lucifer is my king, I do as he says. I serve him. He sent me to find you, now he never said you had to be alive.”

My eyes never left the bulls. “You can’t kill me in a dream, Maraxa.”

“No, I cannot,” the bull snarled its teeth again. “But I can in that little hole in the wall you’ve called home since you fell. If not there, then that bookstore you love to frequent.”

Ice filled my veins as my wings stood ever still, unmoving in the wind. I thought I’d been smart with hiding my scent from heavens beasts but if Maraxa managed to find me, that only meant others were soon to follow. The only way I could fix this situation was to find somewhere else to hide for a bit before my scent was picked up again.

But I’d been so lucky to find that abandoned building. I couldn’t risk it again.

“I didn’t expect to be on the Kingdom’s most wanted list.”

A loud laughter echoed inside my mind. “The King doesn’t want you. He cast you for a reason, Lethia. It is Lucifer that sent me.”

Lucifer’s face flashed in my vision for a brief second. Instead of feeling the usual love and adoration I’d felt before, now all I felt was dread. Darkness. Sadness. Fear.

I swallowed thickly. “You can tell Lucifer if he wants me, he can come find me himself. Not to send one of his lackeys.”

“Should he look for you in that crumbling building or with that young mortal man with the almond eyes,” the bull didn't flinch.

My eyes snapped to the body to my left, the crow long gone, and all that stared back were those cold, vacant eyes.

“It’s time to come home,” its voice spoke in my mind again just before it sunk its teeth deep into my throat.

I awoke with a loud gasp, breathing uneven and labored as I clawed at the skin of my throat, checking to make sure there were no open wounds. But instead were now scratch marks as my nails dug deep.

“Shit, Lethia,” large hands grasped mine to stop my attack on my throat.

My eyes snapped up at the voice, almond eyes gazing down at me full of worry, only this time they were full of light and life.

“Hey, it’s alright,” Noah’s soft voice cooed; exactly like earlier.

Feeling the comfort radiate off of him made my heart rate immediately calm and I couldn’t stop myself as my fingers slowly grazed over his cheek; the feeling numb.

Noah’s beauty was mesmerizing, the way his hair fell into his face in perfect waves, the way his lips curled up into a faint smile, and the freckles that peppered his nose and cheeks. Then lastly, those eyes and the way they drank me in.

“Are you sure you’re not like me?” I whispered, fingertips tracing over his bottom lip.

NOAH

“How is she?” I asked, all but barreling through the door of the green groom.

Jolly, who was kneeling in front of the body on the couch, nodded. “She’s alright, hasn’t woken up yet.”

Sighing, I set the bag of books down on the table and took Jolly’s spot, him giving my shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

“Any idea what she was screaming before she passed out?” Nicholas wondered.

“Lucifer,” I muttered, never taking my eyes off the sleeping form of Lethia.

Her lips were parted slightly, a soft snore emanating from them, ebony colored hair fell into her eyes so I gently brushed it away; her face never reacting to my touch.

Almost as if she couldn’t feel it.

“I’m sorry,” Michael shook his head. “Did you say Lucifer? As in The Devil?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose with a sigh. “It’s probably unrelated.”

The sound of a bag rustling sounded in the small green room, Michael holding up the two books that belonged to Lethia.

The Death of Socrates and The Secrets of Lucifer.

“Unrelated my ass,” Michael grumbled while tossing the books onto the table.

“What is your issue with her?” I asked while turning towards him, sitting on the edge of the couch.

He shrugged. “She showed up broken in our driveway and didn’t even say thank you to you for taking her in and helping. Then you keep running into her. LA isn’t a small town, Noah. She’s stalking you.”

“You don’t know that,” I narrowed my eyes toward him.

Folio could immediately pick up on the tension so his calm voice spoke up. “Michael is just worried about you, Noah. That’s all. You guys just moved a few months ago because of previous stalkers.”

I peered down at Lethia as she still slept. “Lethia’s not like the others. Every time we run into each other, she tries to get away from me.”

“Maybe you should let her,” Michael grumbled under his breath.

Choosing to ignore him, I looked up at the door to the room when it opened, Bryan walking in now.

“Any luck?” I questioned.

He hesitated before shaking his head. “The guy at the bookstore only knows her name and the kind of books she’s interested in; nothing else. She always picks up the books, never lets the store send them to her.”

Fuck.

“Lethia mentioned that she was kicked out of her previous home,” I said.

“Where does she stay then?” Jolly asked while crossing his arms.

I shrugged. “No idea. She didn’t tell me.”

When I noticed the name of the bookstore on the bag, I asked Byran if he could go find out any information. It had been bugging me for weeks since I first met Lethia to find out more about her; where she came from, where she lived, and what her obsession with finding Lucifer was.

I nodded at Bryan before resting my eyes on Lethia’s face once more, watching her sleep for a few long moments.

When I saw her out in the crowd tonight, I couldn’t ignore the way my heart skipped a beat or the way my hands shook with nerves. It always was like this when we found each other again, a feeling I couldn’t push deep down and lock away. Lethia was interesting and had her quirks, some of which I was desperate to find out.

I couldn't let her leave here alone tonight. There was this pull deep within my chest that vibrated every time Lethia and I were nearby; just like right now. She needed my help whether or not she would admit it.

“I think she needs a place to stay and try to get back on her feet,” I said while looking back over to Michael and Jolly.

The latter nodded, immediately understanding what I meant. Michael, however, rolled his eyes.

“We don’t have a guest room. It’s already a full house with the three of us and Jesse.”

I shrugged. “I’ll sleep on the couch. She can stay in my room.”

“Noah, you know I’ll agree with you no matter what, but we’ve had issues with stalkers finding out where you live and leaving shit on your car. We can’t have this happen again,” Jolly said.

“I know,” I nodded. “But Lethia’s different. She needs help and I want to. Just until she gets back on her feet.”

“Savior complex back?” Nicholas asked.

“No! It’s just me being a decent human being,” I defended.

Bryan snorted. “Yeah, her being attractive doesn’t have anything to do with this?”

My cheeks burned as I shifted on the couch. “No.”

“Right.”

A loud gasp had me snapping my head towards Lethia as she awoke, immediately clawing at her neck. Her black nails left red marks, deep and angry, and I grasped at her hands.

“Shit, Lethia,” I cursed while grasping her hands.

Her red eyes filled with fear and despair softened as soon as they met mine but her breathing was still erratic.

“Hey, it’s alright,” I cooed.

Lethia’s shaking fingers grazed over my jaw, nails tracing the pout of my bottom lip.

“Are you sure you’re not like me?”

Her voice was hushed so much that I had to lean into her touch, hoping I heard her correctly. I scanned over every soft feature of her face but sucked in breath suddenly.

“Lethia, your nose. It’s bleeding,” I informed.

Her hands went to her face, wiping away the dark blood; only hers wasn’t the typical crimson color. It was black.

“Fuck,” she muttered as she stared at her hand.

Folio handed her a tissue, one she took with a small smile. “Thank you, uh-.”

“Nick but you can call me Folio,” he smiled.

“Right,” Lethia nodded before sitting up, drawing her knees to her chest. “You were the one I attacked that night.”

“Thank you for not doing it again,” he chuckled while packing up his things.

She looked around the room skeptically until her gaze landed on Michael, a low scowl pulling on her lips.

“Oh, it's you.”

He crossed his arms. “Are you stalking Noah?”

“Michael,” I warned with a stern voice.

“Me stalking him?!” Lethia gasped while standing to her feet. “Everywhere I turn, he’s there.”

“Maybe it’s some soul mate shit,” Bryan joked.

I rolled my eyes as I stood to my feet next. “I don’t believe in soulmates.”

Lethia cocked her head to the side as she peered down at the table. “My books.”

“Yeah, I brought them back here with you after you passed out. I wanted to make sure you didn’t lose them,” I said.

“Thank you,” she looked up at me through her lashes.

“Can you guys give us a minute?” I asked the guys.

Nodding, they all gathered their things before Lethia and I were alone. She refused to meet my gaze now, kept it trained hard on the books she had clutched to her chest.

“How are you feeling?” I asked after a long beat of silence.

“Fine.”

I shifted on my feet, trying to gain the courage to bring up the idea of having her stay with me.

“Is there a hotel where I can drop you off?”

Lethia slowly raised her gaze to mine. “Hotel?”

The confusion in her voice made me narrow my eyes slightly.

“Unless you’ve found a house to stay in. I guess, is there anywhere you want me to take you? I can drop you off wherever or you could maybe stay here,” I rubbed the back of my neck nervously.

The corner of her lip curled up in a quick smile.

“Nervous?” She jeered.

I scoffed, trying to play it off, but she saw right through me.

“What I’m trying to say is; is there anything I can do to help you, Lethia? I feel compelled ever since I found you in my driveway,” I admitted while taking a tentative step toward her.

The hesitation was evident in the way her breath caught in her throat and her eyes widened.

“Will you let me help you?”

My voice was quiet as my fingers reached for hers and when our skin touched, it felt as if sparks shot off inside of me, igniting all five of my senses. My stomach flipped and my heart jumped into my throat when I linked our fingers together, squeezing her hand.

Lethia never reacted to my touch.

“Wh-why would you want to help me?” She stammered.

“I help people I care about,” I answered as if it wasn’t a big deal.

Her brows furrowed. “But you don’t know me, Noah.”

I swallowed thickly hearing my name fall from her lips, it causing straight heat to shoot straight to my dick.

“Come with me, stay at my place for a few days until you get back on your feet; figure out where you want to go,” I suggested with another squeeze of her hand.

Again, no reaction.

But I could see the internal battle within Lethia as her eyes darted between mine. Finally, her shoulders slumped as if the decision was made with so much thought it made her weak.

“Ok,” Lethia agreed with a curt nod.

I did my best not to show my excitement even though my heart was soaring.

“But I have to take care of some things first,” she said before I could. “Then I’ll be ready.”

“That’s fine. Did you want me to pick you up or something?”

“No, that’s alright. I have my own means to get to your house,” Lethia waved me off.

She went to walk away, ready to leave the room, until I called after her. “Can I have your phone?”

“My what?” Lethia slowly turned on her heels.

Fuck, she looked so cute with the way her nose scrunched up when she was confused; which seemed to happen a lot.

“Your phone,” I couldn’t hold back my smile.

Her eyes widened. “Oh right, that cellular device you humans use to talk to one another. I don't have one.”

“You don’t have a phone?” I asked.

“Why would I? I don’t have anyone to talk to besides you but it seems like we’re always destined to run into each other,” Lethia pointed a finger at me.

Destiny.

I didn’t know why but that word always made my body shiver with something I couldn’t put my finger on. I never believed in soulmates and that my soul was meant for one person only. Well, that was until Lethia seemed to fall from grace into my life a few weeks ago and all I could think about was her. My soul yearned for her in ways that physically made me weak.

When I wasn’t in her presence, I spent my time holed up in the studio writing or bedroom trying to dream of her because that seemed to be the only time I could find with her. Those dreams felt so real each time even the fucking bird that seemed to watch us every time.

Except for the last few days, when I did dream, it wasn’t of Lethia. It was of destruction and death, leaving me in a sweaty panic mess when I awoke.

“Noah?”

Snapping out of my thoughts, I hummed in response to Lethia.

“Give me some time. I’ll be at your house before midnight,” she said, clutching those books close to her chest.

“Are you sure you don’t need me to come with you?” I ran a hand through my hair.

Even though her smile was wide, I could see the fear behind her eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

Just as she was about to walk out the door, I rambled off my address to her.

“I remember!” Lethia’s sweet voice echoed back.

NOAH

With careful precision, I straightened out the blanket on my bed and made sure the pillows were fluffed just right. On my desk was a stack of fresh, folded towels with some different toiletries Lethia might need. Jolly’s girlfriend left some shampoo and body wash behind the last time she stayed over and after double-checking with her, she gave me the okay to use them.

I didn’t know if she needed an extra set of clothes so on the end of my bed was a pair of my sweats and a shirt, just in case.

Running my hands over my thighs, I went through the mental checklist of everything as what seemed like a large bird flew past my window.

Fresh bed sheets.

Fresh towels.

Comfy clothes.

Toiletries.

“Noah.”

Spinning around, I gave a warm smile to Jesse and the form behind him.

“She’s nervous,” Jesse mouthed before stepping to the side, showcasing Lethia.

She was, in fact, nervous as she shifted on her feet with her bottom lip caught between her teeth.

“Hi,” I said. “Did you take care of what you needed to?”

“Yes,” she still stood outside my bedroom door, idly in the hallway.

I waved her in. “You can come in.”

Hesitantly, Lethia stepped past the threshold as her eyes took in almost every inch of my room. The lights were off, the only light emanating from the red LED behind my bed, and she quirked a brow at them.

“So,” I ran a hand over my chest. “I left you some things in case you wanted to shower. And some extra clothes.”

“This is where you sleep?” Lethia pointed to my bed.

“Yeah, but don’t worry. You can sleep here, I’ll stay on the couch.” I assured her.

I noticed she was still standing uncomfortably in the middle of my room, clutching a black bag to her chest.

“Is that everything?” I asked.

“Uh, yes. I didn’t have much. Just some clothes and books,” she said.

“Like the ones I found on you earlier?” I asked while sitting on the edge of my bed.

Lethia nodded, hesitantly following my lead. “Yes, I’ve been studying philosophy. It’s quite interesting learning about Socrates and his life.”

She bounced a few times on the bed, a small giggle leaving her lips. “Oh, this is nice.”

“My bed?”

Her body fell in a heap against it, now a soft sigh emanating from her. “This is nothing compared to the clouds but fuck, I can’t believe I’ve been depriving myself of this kind of comfort.”

I chuckled. “Well, make yourself at home. I’ve also been reading up on philosophy. It’s always been a passion of mine. I might have some books lying around on my bookshelf. Feel free to read one that interests you.”

“That is very nice of you, Noah. You do not need to do all of this.”

Lethia gazed up at me, still lying back on my bed.

I patted her knee. “I want to help you out any way I can, Lethia.”

Slowly she sat up and stared for a long moment at my hand on her knee, her brows furrowed with confusion and anger. I went to pull away but her hand stopped me by resting on top of mine. The softness of her skin sent heat throughout my body.

“I can’t feel you,” she muttered under her breath. “Why can’t I feel you?”

“Wh-?”

“Noah!” Jolly knocked on the open door, urgency in his voice. “There’s someone outside for Lethia.

Her eyes snapped up towards Jolly. “Excuse me?”

“She’s on the front step claiming she’s an old friend of yours,” Jolly informed.

I narrowed my eyes. “How does she know Lethia is here?”

A loud cawing caused me to jump towards the open window of my bedroom, a black crow sitting perched on the sill. The long white stripe of feathers down its spine told me it was the same one that had been haunting my dreams.

“Fuck,” Lethia cursed when she eyed the bird.

Before Jolly could answer, she was quick on her feet to push past Jolly, her loud footsteps descending the steps.

LETHIA

Ignoring the wild looks from Noah’s other roommates, I whipped open the front door to be met with bright white eyes. Her usual long white hair was pulled back in a tight bun but her golden nose hoop stood out in stark contrast to the black night sky. It was weird not seeing her in the beast form she was known for; the one I saw earlier in my dream.

Her human form was equally as daunting.

“Maraxa,” I seethed while stepping outside, the door falling shut behind me.

She eyed up the house. “Hm, cozying up with the mortal, I see. What would Lucifer say to this?”

“I gave up caring what he thinks when he was the reason for my fall,” I sneered while crossing my arms; the leather of my jacket creaking.

Maraxa clicked her tongue. “You chose to follow him, Lethia. The love you two shared was palpable. Untouchable. Not even the King could get between you two.”

“If Lucifer loved me then why is he sending you to fetch me like I’m some kind of animal,” I seethed.

“He’s a busy man. I’m sure you’ll understand once you're down there ruling beside him.”

“Why do you want me to go back with you so badly? I know you’ve always wanted my place,” I said.

An all too-knowing look flashed behind her white eyes even though they were filled with no emotion.

“I live to serve my lord, Lucifer,” Maraxa simply said.

“Well, you can tell your Lord that if he wants me beside him, he can come find me himself,” I swiftly spun on my heels, ready to head back inside.

“He’ll search all four corners of the earth for you,” she called after me.

“Let him!” I shot back, not bothering to look.

It was Maraxa’s next words that gave me pause with my hand on the doorknob.

“Your actions will get this mortal and his people killed!”

I remembered the body with the gaping wound on his chest as he lay in the open field of angel dust. Those lifeless eyes that stared up at me during that dream weren’t like the ones that shined as they looked up at me as we sat together on his bed.

“I’d rather cut off my wings than let that happen,” I vowed before slipping back inside the house.

#tina talks #noah sebastian #bad omens #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian smut #noah sebastian angst #noah sebastian x fallenangel!oc #mercy noah sebastian

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"To Know You Again" Chapter 1 - Homecoming

Pairing: Neteyam x fem!Omatikaya OC Summary: “Do you remember our last night here? The night before my family left?” The warm, rumbling timbre of Neteyam’s voice washed over her. “Yes,” Naia whispered. How could she forget?... She had replayed the memory of his lips over and over numerous times. One corner of Neteyam’s mouth lifted in a small smile as his eyes tracked over the delicate bridge of her nose and over her steadily flushing cheeks. His gaze stopped to rest on her lips, “You gave me something that night. I think it's time I returned it."

An exploration of what if Neteyam had to leave a girl he was close to behind when his family fled to the reefs to seek refuge. AU - Set 7 years after TWoW, exploring the many emotions and the eventual romantic reunion between Neteyam and his love. Warnings: Adult content 18+, MDNI Content: Romance, drama, angst, fluff, sexual content, smut, soulmates, bonding. Word Count: 6k Notes: This is my shorter chaptered piece, which is cross-posted on AO3 and Wattpad too. But I've noticed that the Avatar fandom seems much more active on here, so here is my story's Tumblr debut. I hope this brings you Tumblr folks much enjoyment! <3

Pronunciation note: Manaia – Ma-ny-uh, or Ny-uh for the shortened version of the OC's name.

Manaia’s disgruntled eyes seethed at the mortar and pestle before her as her hands furiously worked, grinding away at the tough roots in the wooden receptacle. If looks could kill, the implements she held would be smoking now, charred and blackened by her resentful gaze.

The tsahìk’s hut was filled with her mother’s exasperated voice, countered only by Mo’at’s unruffled words as the Omatikaya tsahìk sat by Manaia, grinding her own roots and herbs in a separate mortar.

“Talk to her, tsahìk!” Ayepni implored, gesturing avidly toward her daughter while she paced to and fro before the pair of women seated on the ground, “She will not be betrothed to Tupou!”

Ever unflappable, Mo’at took in a slow and meaningful breath and her voice was placating as she addressed Manaia, “Tupou is in line to be the next olo’eyktan and as tsakarem (trainee tsahìk), it is tradition that you will be mated to him when the time comes for you both to lead this clan.”

Manaia hissed acridly, repudiating the sentiment, “Well then perhaps the Omatikaya should appoint another tsakarem! Leylani perhaps?”

“You have trained as a healer and spiritual shaman for years! All through the Long War you have aided tsahìk Mo’at and studied under her. Will you throw all of the hard work she has put into you away?” Ayepni exclaimed, maddened, “All because of your silly feud with Tupou?”

“There isn’t any silly feud!” Manaia refuted, slamming her pestle down into her mortar with enough force that chunks of masticated root flew out of the vessel to spatter the mat beneath her. She did not have any feud with Tupou, they simply did not get along. They never had, even when they were younger. Tupou found her mouthy impudence unladylike and she found his cocksure demeanour infuriating. She continued, “We’re just very different people and we don’t get along. Besides, Leylani has trained with me under Mo’at too. There isn’t any reason the role of tsakarem can’t be passed to her.”

Mo’at surveyed the bickering mother and daughter with shrewd eyes. Manaia had been a conscientious student through the years and her bond with Eywa was strong. The girl had all the makings of a great tsahìk and Mo’at had sensed that this was to be the girl’s path since she was a child.

A mild headache bloomed behind her temples and Mo’at sighed quietly to herself. If only her daughter’s family had not had to leave the clan at the start of the Long War. Things would be so much simpler now with the hierarchy as it was then, with Jake as olo’eyktan and Neteyam as his successor. Neteyam and Manaia had been close as children…

“It has been many moons since the end of the Long War and you are a woman now, Naia. Time to grow up!” Ayepni admonished, ceasing her pacing to stand before her daughter, her tail swishing in annoyance behind her, “Tupou is an accomplished and well-respected warrior. He is handsome and well-bred. It would be an honour for you to have him as your mate.”

Manaia bristled at her mother’s patronising use of her shortened name. There had only ever been one person she accepted calling her by her nickname and she had not seen him in years. “I don’t wish to be betrothed to Tupou! I have prayed to our Great Mother and I don’t see him in my path. I don’t see myself mating any man!”

Naia knew her last words were a lie.Her heart belonged to a boy she once knew; a boy who would be a man now, living far away in the reef clans. She would mate him in a heartbeat if she could... Alas, dreams were free.

With a loud snarl of frustration, Ayepni swept out of the tsahìk’s hut, leaving Naia alone with her mentor.

“I apologise, tsahìk.” Naia breathed quietly, returning to her task of pulverising the contents of her mortar, “That argument should not have happened in front of you.”

To Naia’s surprise, Mo’at chuckled, “It’s alright child. Your mother has always had a hot temper and a quick mouth. You are more alike than you know. She just wants what is best for you.”

Naia grunted in acknowledgement, slowly decanting the mashed roots into a larger vessel. Her thoughts were running away with her now, leading her to the reefs of Pandora where she wondered how he was and how he was doing. Her heart whispered his name… Neteyam… How did he spend his days? Was he happy? Mated, perhaps? Naia banished the thought when it pricked sharply in her chest. It would not surprise her if he was. Now that the war was over, people had begun returning to their lives, finding love and happiness again. He was a world away from her…

The Long War against the sky demons had waged for six painful years. Many lives were lost and the balance of life had been upset. Victory had come about at the Great Mother’s hands when she fed a hallowed plague to the waters of Pandora, poisoning the sky demons. The sky demons had perished, but all who held faith in Eywa had escaped unharmed.

The clinking of the wooden bangles around Mo’at’s wrists as she worked was a pleasant and soothing sound, and Naia forced her thoughts away from Neteyam. He was a beautiful memory from her younger years and he would stay that way. There was no use stirring up her tender emotions from the past. After all, it was also a little awkward daydreaming of Mo’at’s grandson in her presence.

Mo’at watched as Naia refilled her mortar; a sprinkle of pungent herbs, a dash of seeds and a splash of oil to make an invigorating infusion to energise and revitalise. The young woman was lost in her thoughts and a small crease knitted her brows in a frown. Mo’at’s gaze trailed from Naia’s face, down her seated form, graceful and lithe. Gone was the tomboyish girl who had refused to keep her hair any longer than her chin, who had hated excessive jewellery and elaborate clothing.

Not that Naia was vain now by any means, but she had grown more feminine as she had matured into a young woman. Her head was shaven on one side, but the intricately beaded braids of her hair brushed her shoulders on her other side. Large, gold eyes sat in an oval-shaped face with a delicate nose and smooth, wide lips. She was pretty, though Mo’at knew Naia would never agree. Not when Naia’s days were spent learning alongside Leylani who was objectively considered one of the most beautiful young women among the Omatikaya.

Setting down her own implements, Mo’at reached out to clasp Naia’s wrist gently, getting her attention, “Do you want to be tsahìk after me, child?”

Naia’s eyes met Mo’at’s piercing but tender gaze. She could not lie to the woman. Mo’at often perceived things without ever being told, courtesy of Eywa, she supposed. Naia had never spoken to anyone of the tender feelings she had harboured for Neteyam all these years, but as Mo’at’s crinkled eyes bore into her, Naia could not help but feel as though the woman knew anyway.

Remembering then that she had been asked a question, Naia cleared her throat and replied, “I don’t want to be tsahìk if it means I have to mate Tupou or any other potential successor in this clan.”

“Because you think boys are gross?” Mo’at teased, chortling, and a toothy grin danced across her wizened features at the look of shock on Naia’s face. It was a sentiment that Naia often used to proclaim as a teenager when all her peers had gone through the starry-eyed phase of discovering the opposite sex. Mo’at knew there were rumours that ran rampant about Naia’s preferences. She had never so much as flirted or dallied with any of the clan’s young males and with her tomboyish past, many thought she maybe preferred women. But Mo’at knew better; Manaia had only ever had eyes for one boy…

Naia gawped at the older woman and she felt a flush heat her face. She proclaimed indignantly, “I don’t think boys are gross!” She pursed her lips and a sheepish grimace followed, “Not anymore anyway. I do like men, just not Tupou.”

Laughing heartily now, Mo’at hushed the young woman, “Don’t fret. I don’t believe the gossip that goes around the clan.”

“Good. People spout a lot of rubbish!” Naia gave an exaggerated roll of her eyes then, “Nimwey brought her boy in to see me the other day about the pustules on his face. It was just typical teenage skin, you know, hormones and all. Apparently she’s been telling him his skin is like that because he never cleans his food bowls off properly, and every grain of wheat he leaves behind causes a pustule on his face!”

Mo’at guffawed at the ridiculous old wives’ tale, and then her expression turned sombre as her laughter died down. She reached out to stroke Naia’s cheek, her eyes meaningful, “If the Great Mother does not mean for Tupou to be part of your path, then he won’t be. But you must be open to all possibilities, Manaia. Let not your heart cling on to tender hopes of the past, lest it forgo the opportunities of the future.”

Rumbles of discomfort rolled in Naia’s gut at Mo’at’s words. She knew exactly what the tsahìk’s implication was. While her mind agreed wholeheartedly, Naia could not snuff out the flame she held in her heart that seemed determined to burn bright for eternity. She had tried many times before and had failed miserably. Neteyam was her first thought in the morning and her last thought at night... The years that had passed since the Sully family’s departure had done nothing to change that.

“If Tupou will be olo’eyktan after Tarsem, then Leylani should be tsakarem. She is skilled in your teachings too, as I am.” Naia declared stubbornly, “They are close and Tupou much prefers her. They would certainly make a stronger partnership than Tupou and I.”

Mo’at exhaled with a resigned sigh. The young woman was stubborn. Unease prickled at Mo’at’s skin as she considered what arrangements would need to be made to formally appoint a new tsakarem. It was true that both Leylani and Manaia had trained competently under her, but Mo’at had always had a deep, unspoken sense that the tsahìk’s path was Manaia’s to walk.

Not wanting to cause any more dispute for the moment, Mo’at reluctantly acquiesced, “Alright, I will speak to the clan’s elders. The responsibility can be transferred to Leylani.”

“Thank you, Mo’at.” Naia said, swallowing the tight lump in her throat. Healing was her calling though and while relinquishing her role as tsakarem would mean she would no longer be a spiritual leader, she still wanted to practise her healing skills. The thought caused her to add in quickly, “I’d still like to work with you and heal though. If you’ll allow me to.”

The tsahìk’s expression softened and she graced Naia with an earnest smile, “Of course, child.”

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Naia’s parents had been less than impressed with her decision to step down from her role as tsakarem. She had returned each evening after her workday to the disappointed gaze of her father, and her mother’s cold shoulder was a silent force to be reckoned with. It had taken a few weeks for the storm to blow over before her mother started speaking to her again.

A chesty cough reminded Naia of her present surroundings and she returned her attention to the child before her. Little Entu was suffering from a severe bronchial infection and the toddler squirmed, fretting in discomfort as his lungs fought to draw in breath. She smoothed her cool fingers over the child’s forehead to soothe him. Bringing a pungent smoke roll of medicinal herbs to her lips, Naia sucked a breath into her mouth and blew the smoke out over the child. The tsahìk’s hut was already hazy with the spicy fumes and she prayed it would help relax the child’s airways.

“He is better than yesterday,” Mo’at remarked, tidying away a set of stoppered vessels from her work station in the corner, “Still coughing badly, but it is mostly an irritant to him than a threat to his life.”

Naia sighed and nodded, “The cough just sounds so awful coming from a little one so young. He will need to stay here tonight still.” Another whine escaped the child and she returned to pacifying him with gentle murmurs.

“Yes, Leylani will come and relieve you soon. She will take the night shift and watch him.”

Eclipse was nearing and the horizon had begun to paint itself in shades of auburn and pinks as the light began to fade. The beautiful light illuminated the vast crevice at the mouth of the Omatikaya’s High Camp stronghold, casting shadows against the rocky walls of the cave system as people milled about.

Naia stretched her neck from side to side, hearing the vertebrae pop and snap quietly from her movements. It had been a long day and she was looking forward to having some time to herself unwinding in her grotto. The grotto that had once been their spot.

There was commotion outside the hut then and Naia’s ears pricked upward in alertness. Gasps and cries of surprise sounded from the people outside, followed by ululating calls of joyous welcome. Something was happening. Mo’at rose to her feet and she padded over the carpeted floor to the entry of the hut, sweeping the draping cloth aside to peer out the entrance.

The older woman gave a sharp inhale and a beaming smile swept across her sage face. Naia heard it then; the words and cries being shouted outside.

“Toruk Makto!”

“Toruk Makto’s family have returned!”

She froze and a thick buzz settled over her ears. The only thing audible to Naia in that moment was the increasing rate of her beating heart. Was she dreaming?... Could it be true?

Naia’s gaze flicked to Mo’at who stood smiling at the mouth of the hut, one wrinkled hand over her mouth as tears of happiness began to pool in her eyes. Naia urged the woman, “Go, Mo’at! Go to them. I’ll stay with Entu.”

As much as Naia wanted to jump up and run outside to see for herself, she was still working, and of course Mo’at should be the first to see her family. Mo’at shot her a grateful look and promptly left to greet her kin.

Vaguely, Naia wondered to herself… Was Neteyam back too?... Her heart thundered with a myriad of emotions. Excitement, disbelief, nerves… She dared not to hope too much. Perhaps it was only Jake Sully and Neytiri who had returned for a visit. The Sullys had called the village reefs home for many years now, all through the Long War and even after. There was a real possibility that they would choose to remain there permanently.

Looking down, Naia discovered that Entu had fallen asleep, the child’s chest rising and falling in shallow but consistent breaths. The sounds of celebration and reunion continued outside, and the temptation to join the throng was strong. Glancing downward one last time at Entu, she figured a look would not hurt. She would not leave the hut, but she could at least watch from the entrance.

Approaching the flap at the entry, she reached for the draped cloth and shifted to stand in front of it, keeping it pushed out of the way with her body. Four splendid ikran stood perched on the edge of the cave mouth, heads tossing as a younger woman tended to them. Tuk? By Eywa, she had grown! Naia still pictured a gambolling seven-year-old when she recalled memories of the girl.

Naia recognised Jake and Neytiri immediately, surrounded by a happy horde of clan members who had rushed to welcome them. Hugs and clasped forearms were being exchanged, and she spotted Mo’at among them who held her daughter in a tight embrace. Three Sullys identified, but judging by the number of ikran, it meant there was still a fourth…

There was another individual standing on Jake’s left, also being warmly received by several of the clan’s younger warriors from Naia’s generation. Was it Lo’ak or Neteyam? Naia shifted her feet impatiently, realising that the individual was being blocked by another male who had his back to her. She would recognise that flamboyant hairstyle anywhere; cropped on both sides with an elaborate cluster of braids trailing down the centre, adorned with beads and feathers. She rolled her eyes. Move your fat head, Tupou…

After what felt like an eon, Tupou stepped aside to allow a shorter young woman to greet the individual. Naia blinked scratchy eyes, squinting. Leylani’s shorter stature allowed Naia to glimpse the individual and her breath hitched when she finally laid eyes on him then. Neteyam! She watched, speechless, as Leylani leaned up to speak into his ear and Neteyam graced her with a wide smile in response.

Naia’s heart skipped a beat. The details were fuzzy at the distance she was watching from, but she knew without a doubt it was Neteyam. Eywa, she had missed that smile… He looked older, of course, grown up now, but it was still the same smile in the same face she remembered from her memories. He was so handsome…

More young warriors and hunters pushed forward to greet him. These were the people they had both grown up with and many of them had been close in their younger years. The eagerness to welcome their old friend was understandable. However, Naia did not miss Neteyam’s distracted gaze in-between his politely returned greetings. She saw his head swivel about, looking through and around the gathered crowd. He was looking for someone.

A sliver of hope unfurled in the depths of Naia’s heart. She followed the line of his golden gaze, flitting from person to person until he looked up then and his gaze locked with hers. His brows raised a fraction, as if in recognition and his eyes settled firmly on her. Heat flushed through Naia, prickling at the surface of her skin, rushing out to her fingertips and trickling down to her toes which curled slightly into the rug beneath them.

Suddenly feeling incredibly shy, she whirled away from the entrance, breaking the piercing eye contact and strode back into the hut.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

It was stupid, it really was. She was being ridiculous.

Naia had spent the better part of the last seven years dreaming of this day, fantasising of Neteyam’s return to the clan. Yet here she was, holed up in her little grotto like a coward. She had fled the tsahìk’s hut the moment Leylani had arrived to relieve her of her duties. The other woman had attempted to strike up excited conversation about the Sullys’ return, but Naia’s nerves had gotten the better of her and she had waved Leylani away as politely as possible with a fib about being fatigued.

The flame in her lantern flickered, signalling its imminent expiry and she sat upright to add more oil to it so it kept burning. This grotto had been their spot years ago.

After the dreaded return of the sky demons and the forced move to High Camp in the Hallelujah Mountains, she and Neteyam had found this isolated system of small caves not far from the stronghold during one of their evening explorations. Its nooks and crannies had served as convenient hidey-holes away from the worries of life. The grotto had been a quiet place for them to just be themselves with each other.

Naia looked around herself at the rugs that cushioned the ground and the soft bolster rolls she had stolen from her family’s tent to make the place more comfortable. The blanket around her knees was not even a blanket at all, but an old flying shawl that once belonged to Neteyam. With a growl of frustration, Naia pressed her fingers to her tired eyes and lay back again, peering up at the starry night through a fissure in the cave’s ceiling. She knew why she was nervous, knew where the feeling of dread that plagued her now was coming from.

The reality of Neteyam’s return had brought with it a confronting possibility, one that Naia had not thought of before as his return had never seemed likely. What if he did not feel the same way? What if he had not missed her at all?

What if she was the crazy one clinging sentimentally on to youthful feelings that for most people, would have probably faded away with time? Her heart squeezed at the thought. She had wished so long for this day and now that it was actually here, Naia ashamedly felt like she was safer in the illusory retreat of her dreams.

Naia had never planned to feel this way. Her feelings had crept up on her younger self and before she knew it, she had fallen in love. She remembered the day she had realised…

*** FLASHBACK - 8 YEARS AGO ***

Naia hovered by the entrance of the Sullys’ family tent, wringing her hands absently. She tried her best to tamp down the roil of nauseous worry in her gut. It was a happy day after all. Neteyam had passed his final rite of passage; his Dream Hunt.

Only the males in the clan completed this last rite and it was a dangerous feat. There were Na’vi who died during this rite, where they were put into a chemically induced trance by swallowing a psychoactive alkaloid worm and stung by a toxic arachnoid. The men would then begin their spiritual hunt for their path in life until the trance wore off.

Neteyam had passed, but the exercise took people to the edge of death and Naia knew that the ordeal had been taxing on her friend.

The heavy cloth flaps of the tent parted then and Neytiri exited. She stopped at the sight of Naia, registering the look of deep concern on the girl’s face. Neytiri cast a reassuring smile at Naia, knowing the girl would be worried for her son, “Hello Manaia. He’ll be alright. He’s asleep but you can go in and see him if you like.”

“Thank you, I’d like that.” Naia responded graciously, and she disappeared without any further preamble into the tent.

Neytiri bit back a chuckle. For a tomboy who proclaimed often that she found the opposite sex unappealing, she was certainly very attached to Neteyam. Naia certainly did not think Neteyam was gross.

Inside the quiet embrace of the Sullys’ home, Naia padded carefully over to where Neteyam lay on his back on his sleeping mat. Folding her legs beneath her, she sat by his side and surveyed him. His breaths puffed slowly and evenly from slightly parted lips as he slept and apart from a slight sheen of sweat on his skin, he appeared otherwise healthy. Naia felt her worry dissipate at the sight.

Neteyam was her best friend. She did not know what she would do without him.

Naia knew she was not like the other girls who gushed over new jewellery and spent hours re-braiding their long locks into intricate styles. Naia considered herself groomed as long as she ran her fingers through her short hair in the mornings and put on clean clothing. She was not demure by any means and her smart mouth often took people by surprise. Her peers found her odd and she was often excluded from company as a result. But Neteyam had always accepted her as she was.

There was a large bowl filled with water by Neteyam’s head and a clean pile of folded cloth squares sat beside it. Taking a square of cloth, Naia submerged it into the cold water and wrung it dry. She folded it in half and lay it across his forehead and repeating the same process, she lay another wet cloth over his chest. The warm season was humid and the cloths would help to keep him cool.

He looked so peaceful as he slept and Naia let her eyes follow the unique patterns of bioluminescent freckles that dotted his cheeks and trailed up the bridge of his nose to disappear under the cloth over his forehead. Dreamily, her gaze fell to the curve of his lips then. What would they feel like under her fingertips?... What would they feel like against her own?...

The last thought startled Naia out of her reverie. Embarrassment heated the pointed tips of her ears. Had she really just been thinking about kissing Neteyam? One half of her was aghast at the thought, while the other half wistfully pointed out that he was a nice boy and very nice to look at too. As she confronted her embarrassment, Naia let an involuntary groan of mock disgust escape her and it disrupted Neteyam’s restful state.

Neteyam’s face contorted and a pained groan left him. Cursing silently, Naia chastised herself for forgetting her surroundings and placed a hand on his chest to settle him with soft hushing. He squirmed even more then and his scrunched eyelids opened to reveal bleary gold orbs. Leaning over him so she could check his pupils like Mo’at had taught her, Neteyam jumped then at the sight of her.

“Hey, it’s OK, it’s just me.” Naia breathed steadily, removing the wet cloth from his forehead to soak it again in the cold water.

Neteyam grunted and a wan smile lifted the corners of his lips, “Sorry, I thought you were Leylani for a moment.”

Naia’s brows lifted in question and irritation flashed through her, “Why’d you think that?”

A sleepy mumble, “Dunno. She’s on duty today isn’t she? I thought maybe Grandmother had sent her over to check on me.”

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not Leylani and that you didn’t wake to her beautiful face instead.” Naia said, attempting to sound calm, though she knew she had failed miserably when her words sounded like a sour hiss even to her own ears.

Neteyam snorted and coughed as his laughter escaped him, “No, I just meant that I wouldn’t want her to see me like this.”

His words did nothing to assuage Naia’s flaring annoyance.

“Ugh, you boys are all the same, honestly! Drooling after her big eyes and her pouty lips-”

“Naia-”

“She could easily lead all of you round by your cocks-”

“Manaia-” A slow and deliberate growl from Neteyam.

“What?!” Naia spat heatedly, further displeased by Neteyam’s use of her full given name and his interruptions. She much preferred it when he called her ‘Naia’. Only he called her that.

Neteyam pursed his lips impatiently at her and sighed, “Don’t misunderstand me. I only meant that I wouldn’t be completely comfortable with Leylani checking on me. I’m glad it’s you. I don’t feel like I have to put up any fronts with you.”

Naia felt her irritation fizzle out at his sincere words. She gave a half-hearted harrumph in response and placed the cool cloth over his forehead again.

“Thanks Naia,” Neteyam muttered, before a teasing glint sparked in his eyes and he asked, “Did you worry for me?”

“Yes, of course.”

Neteyam snickered and he reached out with a hand to curl it over hers, causing a flurry of tingles to erupt in Naia’s stomach, “I told you I’d be OK. I’m a mighty warrior.”

Naia giggled in response to his quip. And there it was again, that warm and prickling urge to touch him. She wanted to nuzzle his cheek and kiss him.

Eywa help her, she was falling for him. Hard.

*** FLASHBACK END ***

They had grown particularly close in the last year before his family’s forced departure, and their relationship had teetered on the delicate line between friendly and romantic affection.

The passing of Neteyam’s final rite had meant that he was busy during the days with the rostered patrols and hunts that formed a warrior’s duties to the clan. Their separation during the days had only served to bring them closer in the evenings once Jake and Neytiri were done with their own work and Neteyam was relieved of watching his siblings.

Naia rolled over onto her side, tucking her face against one of the bolster rolls as she recollected their evenings together, a pensive smile dancing on her lips. They would meet at the grotto after last meal and Neteyam would regale her with tales of what had happened during his day’s patrol or the day’s hunt. They would play a game of Five Stones and talk of menial things, and when the season got cold, they would lie alongside each other under the blankets by a small fire and watch the stars until they fell asleep.

There had been a secure comfort between them when they were curled around each other for warmth; their skin pressed against each other’s as she lay tucked against him with her cheek against his shoulder. However, that was as far as their affection had gone.

In hindsight, Naia realised that she and Neteyam had basked in the luxury of the time they thought they had, unhurried and shy in their blooming bond. They had been young after all, fifteen-year-olds new to the idea of potential romantic connections. At least, Naia had assumed Neteyam felt the same way. She had never spoken of her growing feelings for him, nor had he given any verbal indication of his own, but she felt the tenderness between them had been evident in the way they were around each other.

When Naia had eventually made her feelings known to him, it had been out of sheer desperation as her world had crumbled around her; when they had run out of time.

*** FLASHBACK – 7 YEARS AGO ***

Tomorrow? They were leaving tomorrow? Naia stood stunned before Neteyam as her chest heaved with mounting panic at the revelation. Jake and Neytiri had broken the news to the Omatikaya earlier that day that the family would be leaving the clan to seek refuge elsewhere from the sky demons. It was both to protect their family as well as to protect the people.

Neteyam had managed to sneak away amidst the anxious bustle of his family while they packed their belongings and readied their ikran for the gruelling journey the morning would bring. He had known she would be waiting at their spot.

“How long will you be gone for? When will you return?” Naia asked tremulously, her golden eyes wide and frantic.

The burgeoning lump in his throat was beginning to hurt and Neteyam swallowed it down tightly, “I don’t know. Probably not for a long time, not until the danger of the sky people is gone.”

“I don’t want you to go.” Naia’s voice was a keening moan as her throat constricted from her imminent tears.

“I don’t want to go either, but it’s not safe for the people if we stay. The demons are hunting my family!”

“I want to go with you!”

“No, you can’t! You must stay here. Your family is here!”

Naia’s expression twisted into a pained grimace and her vision blurred, her eyes pooling with barely contained tears. Her breaths hitched as her frame fought to suppress the sobs that threatened to tear their way from her soul. Neteyam was her truest friend. She turned to him for everything and losing him would leave a gaping hole in her heart.

“Don’t cry, Naia. Please don’t cry.” Neteyam’s voice wobbled unsteadily, his own emotion threatening to overwhelm him. Naia never cried and the pitiful sight of her now caused a painful stab in his chest.

Neteyam’s words broke her and the floodgates of Naia’s tears burst forth. Her hands moved to shield her face as she sobbed and she felt Neteyam’s arms encircle her in a tight hug. One of his hands cupped the back of her head, pressing her face into his shoulder, while his other hand rubbed slowly up and down her back.

A voice he recognised to be his father’s called his name in the distance and Neteyam muttered a strong curse. Burying his nose into the Naia’s short choppy locks, he sighed softly, “I have to go now. I’ll miss you.”

Naia clung on even tighter to his shoulders at Neteyam’s words of farewell. She could not deny the truth of her feelings anymore and it hurt to hold them in. She was in love with him and she had been for many moons now. She felt his hands come to rest at her hips, gently trying to pry her away.

By Eywa, she loved him. However, her words would not come to her amid her hitching breaths. No matter. She could show him all the same. Naia’s grief made her bold and, stepping back, she cupped her face with both hands and leaned in to press a salty, tear-stained kiss to his lips. She felt him stiffen in her hold and his breathing halted. His lips remained unmoving beneath hers and Naia pulled away at the realisation.

Neteyam’s face was stricken as she blinked perplexed eyes at him. Hurt speared through her chest and Naia wondered if she had made a gross miscalculation. He had not returned her kiss.

Jake’s voice sounded again, this time in the much nearer vicinity, and Neteyam began his slow retreat as he made to leave. He cast a pained grimace at Naia and his head shook sorrowfully, “I’ve got to go, I’m sorry. Goodbye Naia, take care of yourself.”

Naia’s gaze never left Neteyam’s back as she watched him stride away and she felt her wounded heart plummet like a stone into her stomach.

Goodbye my love…

*** FLASHBACK END ***

Cussing quietly to herself at the memory, Naia cringed. Perhaps he had not felt the same way after all. The recollection of her unreturned kiss twinged in her chest and she quickly pulled the shutters down over her heart. It had been seven long years and she was grown now. Time to let her daydreams and childish fantasies go. She would need to pay her respects tomorrow; it would be improper not to greet Toruk Makto’s family and welcome them home. She would bury her feelings and treat it as a fresh start.

Letting her heavy eyelids droop, she tucked her knees closer to her chest and curled into a more comfortable resting position. Naia pulled the flying shawl up around her shoulders and turned to press her face into the soft bolster roll next to her. She resolved to sleep in the grotto tonight. Her parents knew she was very independent and if her occasional overnight disappearances bothered them, they had never remarked on it.

Sleep was almost fully upon her when a deep voice startled her out of her drowsy state, “Naia?”

Fright rushed through Naia in a powerful torrent and she leapt up in an instant to face the intruder, instinctively crouching low into a defensive position with a snarl, her tail lashing behind her. No one had ever found her here and the disturbance was a shock to her system.

The male at the grotto’s entrance immediately took several steps back, holding open hands out before him in a non-threatening display of submission, “Whoa sorry! Hey, it’s alright! It’s just me.”

Naia took in the sight of the large male in the burnished gold of the lamplight. Strong legs and narrow hips flared out to a lean torso. His chest and shoulders were well-muscled and woven armbands sat snugly around impressive biceps. The musculature of his stature was unfamiliar to her, but as her scrutiny stopped to rest on his face, she found his visage to be a very familiar one indeed.

Neteyam.

*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*

Author’s Note: Can you feel the romantic tension in the air? :P Teehee! We will see their full interaction in Chapter 2! Thanks for reading and leave me a line with your thoughts!

Chapter 2 - A Kiss Long Awaited

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noaltbruh · 5 months

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hi! could i request narancia who has a crush on his best friend? and how he would feel about it and how he would eventually confess. thank you!

Can I just say this was one of the best requests I've ever gotten? I've been looking for an excuse to write something like this for such a long time, and you're giving me the opportunity on a silver plate.

Hope you enjoy! 😊

Puppy love 🍊❣️

Many were the virtues that Narancia lacked, or so he thought, at the very least. Self confidence, despite his bold personality, was a rough spot for the young one. After all, it was no secret that those whom he crossed back with in his life did nothing but pushing him under the bus, taking advantage of his good faith and heart of gold.

Manipulation, betrayal and disappointment, in contrast with the boy's cheerful attitude, were an undeniable part of his past, and one that had cut deep in his mind too. So deep that, eventually, Narancia grew to believe that if those around him kept on leaving him behind, perhaps he deserved such treatment.

...That belief was, however, challenged by Y/N's eventual arrival in his existence, as his feelings for her cut even deeper than those past scars in his heart, acting as the softest and kindest bandages for the aches of the youngster. The girl gave him something he had craved for the longest time, perhaps a bit childish too, but that was really all that he needed from a close one: safety. In the wrecking mess that his life had been, and kept on being with all the troubles that came from his profession, there couldn't have existed one thing that made him more joyous: the knowledge that someone out there would never leave him, would never judge or expect too much of him, that they genuinely enjoyed his presence and wanted to keep him close.

At the end of the day, no one would have been surprised that he had chosen her as his best friend. He was certain that as long as she was willing to stick with him, everything would have been okay. In return, she could be sure that no matter what she was dealing with, he would have been around to lend her a helping hand or simply to keep her company. It almost physically hurt him when he had to be away from her for even just a couple of days because of a mission, it genuinely felt like a whole part of who he was stayed behind with her.

The two of them had shared such and many sweet moments and conversations, it was unimaginable to tell or remember all of them...That's what one would have thought, at least. But for Narancia, every single day, hour, minute or even second spent in her presence was a fundamental core memory, one that would constantly replay in his mind whenever she was not there for whatever the reason might have been.

All the times she defended him in an argument with Fugo, all the times she encouraged him to keep on with his studies deplete his difficulties, all the times she listened to him vent without ever thinking less of him because of it, all the times she agreed to join him on his crazy idea and adventures...I could go on for hours, if given the chance.

But the point I'm trying to convey is that Narancia was utterly in love.

Darling and with his heart on his sleeves, it would be easy to assume that these feelings for him would have been simple to accept and express. Nonetheless, the reality was far far different, almost impossible to see for how further it was...And just as impossible for him to see the way he felt for the girl.

After all, surely it must be quite troublesome to identify something one has never dealt with, let alone felt before. Of course, he loved the gang, the ones he considered his own family...But the relationship between them was an entire different story. He was a hopeless romantic who, ironically, had never gotten the chance to experience the passionate sensation that came with romance. When a disease hits one for the first time, it is no easy job to discern what it exactly is.

In the same way, for the longest time, the boy thought that these feelings were the normality, she was his dearest friend, was she not? Of course he'd want to be with het all the time, of course he'd remember every little thing that made her happy, of course he'd stay up thinking of that one compliment she unexpectedly caught him off guard with just the day before, he had everything under control...Didn't he?

...Indeed, it wouldn't be incorrect to assume that his apparent blindness came from a great amount of denial as well. As already mentioned, the young one did not think highly of himself, for reason that went past his personal traumas as well. No matter the struggle to hide it under his cheerful nature, he was very well aware that he was far from being a respectable person.

He was childish, loud, clingy, short, stupid and weak compared to his other friends. Why on earth would such a girl, perfect in his eyes, ever choose him above anyone else. He stood strong, despite how much it hurt him, by the conviction that he simply...Did not deserve her, that she was too good of a person for him to ever have a chance at professing his feelings for you. He would have just made a fool out of himself more than he already was.

There was no point on trying to fly too high, unless you want the sun to burn you. It was better this way, to remain in his little comfort zone, with you being his closest, most treasured, adored...Friend.

Unluckily for him, or perhaps not, the heart he aggressively tried to keep his under his sleeves was pounding with the desire to explode, to yell in Y/N's face just how much she meant to him, and how deprived of purpose Narancia's life felt when she was not around.

No matter how fast you may be, you will always get tired from running away. Delaying it simply takes away the energy to deal with it in a positive way. Unsurprisingly, the one that prompt him to stop running was whom he considered his mentor: Bruno.

In fact, the gang could read the young one like an open book. He was so open and spontaneous, even without realizing, that not even a blind person could have been able to not see just how deeply he had fallen for the other. And while most of his family would just tease him for that, only pushing him to hide away his feelings even more, Bucciarati, the sweet and caring man he had always been, eventually decided it would have been a good idea to take him aside and have a proper conversation regarding the matter.

He saw the bright, purple, blatant and enormous heart eyes the boy used to look at her, they warmed his heart too. He had truly never seen Narancia so happy with anyone so far, and despite how he knew it was not directly "his business", he could not resist standing by the side and watching him avoid the problem.

After the girl had left in order to go attend some errands, the older one silently called the other in the kitchen, a soft smile on his lips, as he could tell that his sudden request had intimidated him. They sat around the table, right in front of each other.

"W-What is it, Bucciarati? Did I do something wrong? Do you have a mission for me? Do you want me to catch up to Y/N and handle those errands with her?"

A small chuckle escaped Bruno's mouth as he looked at the other, shaking his head.

"Hehe...Not exactly. Forgive me if I sound sudden with my question but...You think about her quite a lot, do you not?"

He was right: he had, indeed, caught him off guard with such a direct input, enough to get the dark haired one to direct his gaze away from him, looking down at the table.

"Y-Yeah...So what? I mean- it's normal, right? Like- of course I think about her often, she's my..."

"...Best friend?"

He concluded, in an uncertain and subtly provoking tone, as if he was telling him "I'm not going to buy it".

"That's right...Best friend"

"Narancia...You do know I'm quite good at telling when someone is lying to me or not, don't you?"

"Urgh...Don't remind me"

He frowned.

"Last time I said the pistols ate our leftovers, you licked my entire face"

The blue haired one smiled, hearing him relieve that episode.

"I admit, I may have exaggerated that time, but my point still stands. So, if I were to ask you something, you'd be honest with me, mh?"

"O-Of course...You know you can trust me, I'm not a liar!"

The boy's mind was already imagining anything he might have done wrong to make him so suspicious, but could not find anything. Yes, he was a prankster and annoying from time to time, but he was very respectful towards him and would never do something to anger him.

Such uncertainty, mixed with his apparent good faith only confused him further, as he watched Bruno crossed his hands.

"I don't mean to spy into your personal life, but I really cannot bear seeing you act like this anymore. I've figured you would have taken actions by now"

"Take actions? Wait- act like WHAT? None of what you're saying is making sense!"

"What I'm saying is...Do you have feelings for Y/N, Narancia?"

The silence that followed his little inquisition was am almost...Funny one. Or rather, ironic, you could say. After all, it was curios to see the bubbly and happy go lucky boy incapable of even forming a sentence. It was as if his brain hadn't really taken in what had just been said to him, maybe because it couldn't, or maybe because it did not want to.

"...What?"

That was all he was able to reply after an entire minute of reflection. The man looked unfazed, as if he was expecting this answer.

"You heard me"

"I- uh-! I don't- W-WHAT SORT OF QUESTION IS THAT?!"

He stood up from the chair, trying to use anger as a way to change the subject and brush it off as soon as he could. Of course, it wasn't actually necessary for him to say it, but it was an excuse for Bucciarati to dive deeper in the topic.

"For someone as open as you, it's rather odd to hear you deny this, of all things...Why is that?"

"...I don't wanna talk about it."

Narancia looked down, very aware that, if the discussion were to continue, what he actually felt and his insecurities would have eventually come out. He knew it was a stupid motif, but he didn't care: he had his reasons and insisted on not changing his mind.

"You said I could trust you, and I do, I really do"

Seeing him agitated, Bruno got up from his own chair, approaching him.

"But you should know you can do the same with me. I've figured it was obvious by now"

"I- I do trust you! But..."

The young one grabbed the edges of his skirt.

"...I dunno, I always feel...Weird when I think about her"

"Weird?"

"I mean- she makes me happy! Like- a ton, I'd let myself get fucking tortured if it meant seeing her content, but...I don't get it, at the same time she..."

"Makes you nervous, doesn't it?"

"...Damn, am I really that easy to read?"

"Well...Some people are better at hiding themselves but...I've known you for quite a while, of course I'd notice this sort of thing"

The older one soon realized that he seemed to be struggling to speak back, so he continued, in a soft tone.

"Are you afraid of rejection, Narancia?"

Of course, the answer was a simple nod and an expression of sorrow. Feeling compassion for him, Bruno gently patted his head.

"You really have no reason to worry this much, you know?"

"Well, it's easy for you to say! I'd like to see you try to get with some woman when you're a literal grown up child!"

"That's...Not true"

"Yes it is! And don't try to deny it. I can't tell her, do you just want me to get humiliated?"

He strayed away from his touch, clinging to his own arm with one of his hands.

"Just because you haven't finished school doesn't make you a kid"

He gave him the space he wanted, without losing his composure.

"And, excuse all of my assumptions, but I'm quite sure she'd gladly agree on being your partner"

"...You're just saying that to make me happy"

"I don't tell lies, just like I don't let anyone tell them to me. It wouldn't be fair otherwise"

It was just for a second, but hearing those words gave the boy the smallest hope, in his heart, that they may have been true, before he went back to thinking that it simply was not possible. He started to imagine her, what she could have been doing in that moment, her sweet voice, her look, her thoughts...

Which were, most definitely, not directed at him.

"...I don't wanna, I just don't. What's wrong with what I'm doing right now? We're close and I don't risk making an idiot out of myself more than I already am"

"You're just seeing things the wrong way. Y/N likes you too, and a lot. Doesn't all the time you spend together give it away already?"

"...Maybe she just likes being around me"

"Maybe. Or maybe you ought to stop being so blind and accept she may just feel the same way. I'm sorry for my rudeness, but aren't you being a bit of a coward running away from this problem by now?"

"Hey!- I'm...I'm no coward, don't call me that!"

"Then have the courage to face her, just like you face those stand users"

"...This is far scarier than a stand battle"

"But with a far sweeter victory too"

"And what if it's bitter instead?"

"I don't recall you ever failing so far"

Bucciarati gave him a reassuring look, one of those that seemed to, somehow, always ease to other's nervousness, perhaps at least a small bit.

"You've always been one for taking risks. Do what you've done so far, and everything will be okay"

"...Heh, you believe more in me than I do"

"Well, who knows..."

The man softly placed his hands on his shoulders.

"Maybe this will help things change"

"...Yeah, maybe it will"

Finally, the black haired one gave a smile to his friend and looked up at him. He still was not very faithful towards the outcome of this whole situation, but he had figured that, at the very least, Bruno was right about not telling him to run away from such situation anymore. It wasn't easy, especially not for him, but he found the confidence to at least take a stand.

Even so...

"...I still got no clue of how to tell her though"

He admitted, embarrassed.

"Trust me, the planning process is the hardest part. Once you're actually together, everything will be a lot more natural"

"I hope you're right, man"

This time, he sat on the table itself, fidgeting with his fingers without even realizing it. He couldn't help but feel a slight headache just trying to cope up with something. He just wanted everything to go smoothly, to actually look...Charming for once, to make her believe that he could be a worthy boyfriend to her.

It was just do hard when, no matter how hard he tried, none of what he imagined was good enough for someone as perfect as she was.

"I just want it to be special, ya know?"

"I know, just do what you always do: take it as it goes. After all, surely you don't want to win her over by being someone you are not"

"Nah...That'd suck"

"I'm glad we can agree on this"

With a sympathetic smile, the eldest approached the door, briefly turning around before making his exit.

"Good luck, although I'm quite confident you won't be needing that"

"...I wish I had half of the confidence you have"

Muttered the young one under his breath, left alone with nothing but the urge to run up to the girl and just kiss her until his lips went dry. Needless to say, that alone was enough to make him drown his burning face in his hands, making it even harder to think rationally.

"God, I'm so fucking screwed"

~~~~~

The passing week, Narancia had barely gotten any sleep, his mind chastising him for being incapable of finding a way to convey what seemed like a waterfall of feelings, in a small bucket.

He was never good with words, he was perfectly fine with the idea of telling she that he liked her, he truly did, it was everything leading up to that moment that overwhelmed him. He didn't care about the build up, be wanted to get to the point, to be direct, but he couldn't. She deserved better than that, and he was very well aware of it.

That was, however, until (at least at first sight) a perfectly ordinary and standard night, one of those one would not think in too deeply, that would let go by without probably realizing just how far time is already passing, and would perhaps look back the day after and think "I had a good time".

One of those that Narancia loved so dearly, where he could simply chill and dedicate himself to whatever he preferred.

And of course, that was Y/N.

Predictably, his shyness around her had not gone untoticed by the young one. She could tell how he seemed to blush more easily each time she'd initiate physical contact, how he'd avoid her eyes when she'd turn around to look at him, how he kept on losing at every game they played together no matter how easy she'd go on him.

She had considered calling him out for such behavior, but eventually decided to let it go, assuming that it would have passed before she could really think about it further.

She was just going to spend that time with him as she always does, maybe nothing had changed and she was making it all up.

Although, she had to admit, it was quite the curious coincidence, how everyone in that exact moment had decided to go on a date with their respective partner: Bruno and Abbacchio, Giorno and Fugo, Mista and Trish...

...Oh well, a chance to have the house by herself, right? Why rummaging over it, now?

Boredom was quick to take over her, as she cyclically watched everyone leave, said goodbye to them with a smile and went back to playing Final Fantasy on her Gameboy.

She hadn't seen her best friend for the whole day, spending the entirety of her Morning helping Trish with her newest song, being distracted by Mista's weird theory during the afternoon and, once she had finally some time for Narancia, finding out he had gone out for...Reasons.

Weird, he'd never leave the house without telling her where he was headed to. Surely he would come back soon, would he not? She... Did not enjoy being alone for long.

The smell of freshly baked pizza called out to her stomach, but she brushed it off, refusing to have dinner before he came back. She assumed that Bruno had prepared it for the two of them before leaving, and she had even thanked him for it, but it was as if he hadn't heard her.

"Heh, he was too busy thinking of how he's going to break the bed tonight to pay attention, I suppose."

In the middle of an unexpected Boss fight, the strategy she was coming up with was immediately blown away by the sound of the door opening. The small console quickly hit the sofa's soft cushion, as she sprinted to the entrance to finally greet him.

"Nari! Where hav-"

The embrace she was waiting to give him, however, was interrupted once she caught a glimpse of the bouquet in his hands.

"Sorry! Sorry, I'm sorry...I didn't wanna be away for long but, uh, I forgot it's Sunday and most shops are closed and-"

"W-What- What are these?"

She commented in amazement, staring at the perfectly arranged flowers.

"I uhm- I got them for you! You know, they're your favorite, I thought they looked nice..."

He awkwardly extended the bouquet in her direction, his usual toothy grin not leaving his face, hoping with all his heart that he had picked the right ones.

The girl was about to ask more questions as she made a mental recap to find out if she had, somehow, missed some important date or event, but nothing could cross her mind. Despite this, noticing the nervousness in his tone, she figured it would have been better not to add any more gas to the fire.

"They...They indeed are"

She grabbed them gently with both of her hands, looking at them as a smile curved on her lips.

"Thank you! You're sweet as ever, Nari"

"I-It's nothing, really, just a little surprise"

He took a moment to admire the sweetness she was looking at him with, his gaze softening in return.

"I'll go put it in my room, be right back!"

"Alright! I'll see you outside?"

"Outside?"

"Yeah! In front of the house"

"How come? Do you want to go on the swings?"

"Kinda...Eh! Come on, you'll see!"

As she understood it was best to play along if she wanted to find out, she just smiled once more and turned around. She was fast to disappear into the hallway, but making sure not to let a single petal fall off as she did so.

Briefly fixing up her hair from the short run, after putting the flowers on the desk in her room, Y/N headed out as she was asked to.

"You were fast!"

"I didn't want to keep you waiting"

Narancia contained a small laughter, as he gestured he to follow him in the back of the villa.

"You gotta check this out!"

"Now you've made me curious, Nari"

"Well..."

He slowly stopped on his track, and just as calmingly got closer to Y/N, just enough for their fingers to intertwine.

"Let's not waste any time then, right?"

"...Right"

She repeated, her glance falling on their hands, feeling relieved from the warmth of his against her frozen surface. While they had never done this before, the gesture felt natural to her, probably because of how they'd always cuddle and cling to each other without even noticing.

Once they got to their apparent destination, the young lady was surprised at what she was met with, especially since she could have sworn she knew every centimeter of the house, in and out.

There was a ladder leaning against the wall, big enough to reach even the top on the building, or at least she thought...It was a bit hard to see from down there. It seemed hand made, but very resistent nonetheless.

Her grip on him surely was resistent as well, as the idea of climbing up did not exctite her in the slightest. Fear of heights can be a pain to deal with, and it surely did not enjoy befriending ladders.

Noticing her nervousness, the boy began to gently rub her palm with his thumb, as he moved her a bit closer.

"Afraid?"

"Y-Yeah uhm...You know I don't sit well with heights"

"It's alright!"

He approached the ladder, taking the first step.

"Come on! I'll help you up, okay?"

Reluctantly raising her eyes, she was a bit taken aback by his comforting expression. Not in a negative way, of course, it was just... Out of the ordinary. After all, she was accostumed to his silly grin and sparkly eyes.

But there was just this reassurance that told her that she was safe, if he said so, and she was not going to miss out on this chance.

"Okay, I guess I'll...Give it a shot"

"Awesome! Here, just...Hold on"

Taking her own first step on the ladder, she mase sure to keep her head high, keeping the ground under her right out of her sight. It was fine, she was fine, she just had to focus on...The unusual softness in his voice, the little dimble on his cheek whenever as he smiled, that fluffy, dark, messy hair...

Yeah, she really was fine.

Once they finally reached the roof, Y/N let out a sigh of relief.

"Hehe! You're so brave!"

"I...Really am not, but thank-"

Before she could finish the sentence, she couldn't help but notice the tempiting smell she had spotted in the house beforehand. The boy had set up a nice little dinner up there, the home made pizza laying nicely on a tablecloth they probably had never used before, and everything illuminated by a small candle.

"S-So? Do you...Uhm, like it?"

He asked nervously, slightly intimidated by her lack of response.

"Sorry, maybe it's too cheesy, I just thought we could have done something a little different and-"

But soon, he was shushed too when he felt a hand on his cheek.

"And you did it magnificently"

Bashful, he looked down, his excitement being impossible to hide.

"Well...Do you want to sit down?"

"Gladly"

As they took a seat, the girl instinctively laid her head on his shoulder, as she'd always do whenever she helped him study. Remembering the advice he had gotten from his immensely reliable older brother, Narancia took a deep breath, sneakily (or at least, he thought so, but let's ignore his shaking) putting an arm around her waist, prepared to take it off as soon as he saw her ever so slightly uncomfortable.

Instead, she snuggled in closer.

"So? Is the view here better than from your balcony?"

He asked, in an attempt at building up even a bit of atmosphere. It's too bad Y/N did not have the patience for that anymore. She hummed in response, slightly lowering her dear Nari's head until they could touch foreheads.

"The best I could ask for"

There was a moment of silence between them, as both the young ones did not know where to look: the other's eyes or lips.

"It's only fair...You deserve the best"

"Heh, do I really?"

"Absolutely"

His fingers shyly made contact with her hip, slowly moving up and down.

"That's why I...I really don't know if I should do this"

"Why not?"

"Y/N, you're..."

Contemplating each of her feature for a second, he continued.

"You're perfect. I just want to make you happy, to protect you, to hold you my entire life"

Y/N couldn't do anything but listen to those sweet words, the ones she had already played in her head a thousand times, even though she was not so open about it as him.

"...No, scratch that: you are my life, but I understand if you don't-"

With a little push from the girl, their lips soon followed their foreheads' example. The boy soon let all thoughts or speeches he had made out in his head disappear, as every part of his body was taken over by that idyllic sensation he had so desperately longed for. He refued to pull away from her, it didn't matter if he was starting to hardly even breath: he would have taken her taste over air every day.

Eventually, just enough to undo the touching, she pulled away, taking small breaths and taking in that moment she didn't know that she needed so much, but to whom she couldn't resist once she felt it coming.

"...W-Would it be alright if I said I've been dreaming of this moment ever since you visited me in t-the hospital?"

He coyly stuttered out.

"Only if I can do it again"

"Please...Do"

The kisses they shared were more than the stars that watched over the two, giggling between some of them as Narancia had to resist the urge to pick her up and spin her around. Like children falling in love, they couldn't help but just let it happen, give in to the comfort the other offered, the feeling that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't simple puppy love.

But, for the youngsters' amazement, a bond that, for the first time, could actually last.

#jojo #jojo's bizarre adventure #vento aureo #jjba golden wind #jojo vento aureo #bucci gang x reader #narancia x reader #one shot #naranciaghirga #jojo narancia #jjba narancia #narancia ghirga #jjba x reader comfort #jjba x reader #jojo's bizzare adventure x reader

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hollandsfavbabe · 4 months

Text

Where Do We Go Now

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

synopsis: in which the death of y/n's father leaves her determined to bring him back and her boyfriend peter determined to save her

warnings: endgame aftermath, death, parental loss, isolation, suicide attempt (but magical?), it gets better - I promise

word count: 7.1k

masterlist

a/n: Hey guys. This is going to be a bit longer than my usual notes, but I feel like I should explain why I've been gone for so long and why this story is a lot sadder than my usual ones. My community has been riddled with tragedy recently as we've lost a lot of people to suicide this past year, some of which have been as young as middle school age. One of my friends died by suicide a couple months ago. I can't express to you guys how hard it's been trying to deal with the pain and the guilt his death has caused me and my loved ones. So many days have passed where I wish I could've been a better friend for him while he was here. It hurts more knowing that other people are hurting too. Writing this was the best way for me to cope for many reasons. I wanted to write about how I'm feeling and honor my friend in some way even if it's through a silly little fanfiction. I know I'm late, but I also wanted to honor one of my favorite characters, Tony Stark as he canonically died this past October. That being said, if you are struggling please, I implore you, talk to someone. There are so many people on this planet who would be so torn without you. My dms are always a safe space if you need anything at all <3

Also I'd like to thank Gracie Abrams for her music that I had on repeat the entire time I was writing this. I hope you like it!

“I am Iron Man.”

The words replayed in your head, over and over like a broken record with no one to turn it to a new tune. That’s exactly how you felt. So alone in your grief that even if miraculously every wish you'd ever made in the whole of your existence had been granted, it still wouldn’t be enough to make you happy again. To make you feel anything besides the constant regret and incessant grief that anchored you down as you wasted away in your bed.

It had been exactly a week since the passing of the great Tony Stark. Everyone else in the compound had mourned their coworker, riddled by a somewhat lesser version of your sadness for only a few days after his death. It’s not as if their grief had been washed away as if it never stained their cheeks with tears or weighed down their hearts with sorrow, but it eased much quicker than yours and before long they could continue their duties. Everything was so much harder for you because Tony hadn’t just been a coworker. He was your father.

You relieved every memory you had of him like bittersweet torture. You remembered when he held you as a little girl, wiping up a bloodied knee. When he discovered you had powers and helped you control them. Later on when he banned you from joining in on the Avenger’s Civil War and afterwards when he thanked you for sneaking in to help anyway. You could almost feel his comforting embrace as if it was only yesterday that he was assuring you before a failed battle against the mad Titan Thanos, the same one that left you dusted and missing your father’s last five years on Earth. And finally, of course, you remember his last moments all too well. It played out before you like the tragic ending of a stage play.

“Let me do it,” you shouted over the sound of war cries and carnage that surrounded you on the packed battlefield. “I can take it!”

You were almost certain that your power, your immeasurable magic, could handle the debilitating strength of the Infinity Stones making you the most reasonable choice for snapping Thanos and his army out of existence, but your father refused to risk losing his eldest.

“No,” he breathed, the metal plate shielding his chest rising and falling from the heat of the action. There was only one way to succeed, only one way to put a stop to the destruction of the universe. It had to be him. “I won’t risk losing you, not while you’re still so young. You have so much life ahead of you.”

“Not without you!” you cried, a tear streaming from your eye.

There wasn’t much time for your conversation as the world was moments away from being wiped of its human history, but despite the odds your father pulled you into a tight hug, as if he knew it would be the last. You both did.

“You are the strongest person I’ve ever known and I’m so proud of what you’ve become already.” he smiled when you finally pulled apart.

“I need you dad,” you sobbed, still reluctant to let him leave you. With the threat of his death, suddenly Thanos’ defeat didn’t matter anymore. Not nearly as much as having your father by your side. “I’m not ready.”

Your dad looked down on you with the saddest of smiles, but if any part of him was upset about his decision, he made no other hint toward it. He just held you close for as long as possible and comforted you in the way that you could always count on him for. In the way, it hit you, that you could never count on him for again. But yet, in the face of death, he cradled you close and spoke in his signature fatherly tone: assertive yet on the edge of softness.

“No one’s ever ready -,” he answered truthfully. “- but I know you can handle it. You always do.”

You looked up at him as he finally pulled away and headed towards the purple giant, but not before turning to you for one final declaration.

“I love you, junior, to the edge and back again.”

And then he was gone. You never got the chance to say it back.

Yours was the last name he uttered before his heart stopped beating and the light on his suit went out. By then Pepper had already said her goodbyes and you both were huddled close to his body, weeping as the other Avengers knelt around you in honor of your father. Peter was hunched behind you, one hand on your shoulder while the other worked to wipe away his own tears. Oh Peter, you had your father to thank for him.

It was Tony who was credited with setting you up with your long term boyfriend, Peter Parker, even if it was a complete accident. You two had gotten acquainted on a fateful plane ride to Germany and eventually ended up together after many failed attempts at confessing your feelings. There was something about him that had you smitten with him from your first encounter, your liking only strengthened when you learned that your father approved. He’d been with you through thick and thin and even now, Peter was the only person who could even remotely share your pain besides Pepper. Tony was like his father too.

He’d taken care of you ever since the incident. Brought you food and water, helped you dress in your black attire for the funeral, laid with you in your bed each night to calm you whenever you awoke in a nightmarish terror. He showed his love for you prevailing over his grief in the most selfless of ways and yet all you had managed to do since you father’s funeral was stand to use the restroom every once in a while. It piled on more weight that your poor soul could already take. You were nothing, but a miserable burden now.

The door to your room opened with squealing hinges as Peter stepped in, returning from school where he had spent the morning reuniting with your shared friends and finding out when the official return date was. You were supposed to join him, but instead you hadn’t moved an inch since he left. It wasn’t as if you wanted to waste the entire day in your lonely sheets again. You yearned for everything to go back to how it was; when Peter was happy and you could share it with him. When your father used to smile upon the two teens he didn’t mean to bring together. When your father was alive.

“Hey,” he said, softly as if not to startle you from your endless torturous pondering. He set something down on your dresser, a small stack of papers he must have gathered from the school, and removed his fall coat before sauntering over to you. The bed creaked and shifted under his weight as he took a seat next to you. “Good news, we don’t have to go back until the next semester so we get a break until January. Ned was asking about you. He wants to know how you’re doing.”

You turned your head to look at him, your eyes red-rimmed from all of your crying and your lips cracked and dry.

“What did you tell him?” you croaked, your voice hoarse from under use. There was little to talk about and no one else to talk to whenever Peter wasn’t around. Pepper had visited you once, but with Morgan to look after, she couldn’t spare much time for her late husband’s grieving daughter. You’d seen Happy a couple times as well, but he needed his own time to recover and reflect on his past time with his best friend.

Peter was gentle as he tucked some of the hair strands snot cemented to your jaw behind your ear and cupped your cheek in his palm. He was cold from the autumn chill outside, but his hand ignited the same soothing heat that his touch always brought forth.

“I said you were recovering,” he answered truthfully. “And that it’s different for everyone. And no matter how long it takes, I’m here for you every step of the way.”

The ghost of a smile graced your lips and had it not felt like it stopped beating after losing your father, your heart may have fluttered in its cavity in your chest.

“Thanks Peter,” you curled closer to him in the most sincere of ways. “But I’m afraid it’s going to be a while before I can get up to see Ned again. Give him my best.”

“Take your time. I’m sure he understands.” Peter assured before pulling off his flannel and laying down beside you to wrap you in his arms, allowing you to tuck your face in his chest. As unhappy as you were, all the swirling emotions of suffering were always suppressed by the sound of Peter’s heart and the feel of his body around yours. You stayed like that for a while, holding each other before Peter broke the silence as it neared time for your midday meal.

“I think you should come with me today,” Peter suggested, rising to run his daily lunch retrieval before running a loving hand through your hair. You couldn’t understand how he hadn’t gotten sick of you yet. You hadn’t been able to wash in over a week. “It’s not good for you to stay here all day long. You need to start moving.”

His voice was full of worry, though he wasn’t overbearing. He wanted the best for you, it’s all he ever wanted really.

“I don’t know Peter, I don’t think I can.” you sighed as tears started to fill your eyes again. How could anyone stand to be around you when you were being so pathetic. You wished there was a way to erase your pain, anything to bring you to your normal self again.

“It's okay baby,” Peter hugged you into a tight embrace, kissing your tears as they fell in slow salty streams. “I know it hurts, I feel it too. But I read somewhere that the best thing to do is keep a consistent routine. Maybe you should start today. Come get lunch with me.”

You wanted to agree, but there was no part of you that could move from the weight of your grief. It pressed you down, gravity multiplied by the mass of your sadness as it consumed you. It felt as if only a miracle could save you now.

“I’m so sorry.” you stated with remorse, but Peter made no move to share his disappointment if he had any at all. Instead he leaned down from his seated position and placed his lips on your forehead, a gesture as if to say that all was alright.

“Please don’t cry, y/n. It’s okay.” he assured you before standing to leave and get you something that you figured you probably wouldn’t even eat very much of.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, turning the handle of your door to leave before looking back at you sprawled on your bed. Suddenly, as if he had recalled the cure to the rainiest of days, he expression shifted to one of great excitement as he stopped back into your room.

“I almost forgot,” he began. “Doctor Strange was here earlier. He wanted me to tell you he’s offering some meditation sessions for you if you’re interested. He said they’d be good for your powers and that they might help you feel better if you want to think about it. He’s free at 8 tomorrow.”

You nearly perked up at the sound of the man’s name, picking up your head to cast a last longing glance at Peter as he waited for a parting word.

“Thanks,” you managed. “I’ll let you know.”

And off Peter went to get you both something to eat.

You weren’t sure if he knew how dangerous it was for you to be left with your thoughts, how the mention of the magic doctor sprouted a myriad of mystical ideas all aimed at the same goal that would erase your eternal lonesome aching. How to bring your father back. By the time Peter returned with his hands full of two homemade sandwiches and more sweets than the two of you could ever finish in one sitting, your mind had been made up and you were ready to set the plan in motion.

The following evening was your first time out of the confines of your rooms for days. Peter had helped you greatly with all the tasks you did not have the mental power to do all on your own. He had brushed your hair and made your bed and before you left in one of the less expensive cars held on Avenger’s campus, he sent you off adorned with one of his favorite sweatshirts, a peck on the forehead and enough I love you’s to last more than a lifetime.

You pulled the sleeve of Peter’s sweatshirt over your palm as you drove off, using the cloth to wipe away fresh tears that had fallen after you left your boyfriend’s loving gaze. You’d always been an overthinker, but your bad habits crept up on you worse in your unbreakable stage of sadness. Especially in your father’s favorite car.

You didn’t understand why he hadn’t left you already. Maybe he would. Peter had offered to join you at Strange’s, but after you insisted you had to go alone, he made plans to go help his Aunt May figure out their apartment situation as the pair had been inadvertently kicked out after being gone for so many years. You’d almost forgotten he used to split his nights between the compound and his own bedroom. Recently he’d only stay with you.

He promised to be back before dinner so that the two of you could keep up your progress, but an unsolicited voice within you convinced you that he wouldn’t want to return. You weren’t good enough for him anymore, not like you used to be. Your plan was better for the both of you and as you pulled up to the familiar building on Bleecker Street, all the pieces started to fall into place.

You stepped up to the door, raising your fist to knock only for the door to crack open by itself as if to invite you in. You waited for the familiar sternness of Doctor Strange’s voice to greet you once you were past the stone floored foyer, but only wisps of the autumn breeze caught your ear.

“Strange?” you called, your voice still not stable enough to be louder than a whispery dialogue. You were met with no response. It was just like you had planned. The wizard wasn’t home.

You felt a strong tug towards the room of your desires, the forbidden library. It was as if fate was leading you or some other force from above, another sign that you were meant to do it.

Your steps were more sure than they had been in days as you made your way to the self, passing any magical fire walls with the sheer unfiltered strength of your powers. Strange once told you that they were guided by your emotion, the quintessential essence of every magic holder even to people like you and Wanda Maximoff who were outside of his world protecting wizard cult. It was easier than it should have been, like slicing paper with a katana, you broke each enchantment until all that was left was the cool leather cover of the book you were looking for. The book with every answer you needed inside its ancient yellowing pages, but you only needed the spell that would revive your father. Locating it near the middle of the book, your tore out the page and turned back to your car, leaving the Sanctum with the same unhurried pace you had entered it with. There was no stopping you now.

Peter was only an half an hour late for your agreed meet up time when he arrived at the campus. He expected you’d be in your room as per usual and as he made his way to your door, the excitement of getting to hold you and talk about your first day out of the campus since the funeral built up in his chest. He wasn’t sure if any accomplishment in the world could make him as proud as he was of you. With two brown paper bags of groceries in his hand, he couldn’t wait to shower you in the affection that you deserved with all of your favorite snacks, enough to share of course.

“Y/n,” he smiled, using his webbing to open your door handle only to find, much to his disappointment, that you were nowhere to be found.

He checked all over campus, leaving the bags by your bed. No one had seen you since you’d left and the spot where the car you’d taken was still empty, the normally pristine concrete covered in fallen crisp maroon leaves. It didn’t make any sense. Where could you possibly have gone?

“Y/n!” he called, circling the perimeter of the campus looking for you. There was still no sign of your reappearance. “Y/n- oh. Hi Ms. Maximoff.” Peter forced a strained smile as he nearly bumped into the woman.

“Peter, we’ve been over this,” Wanda answered, her voice calm. “You can call me Wanda.”

Like you, the witch hadn’t been doing the best in recent days as she had lost something just as valuable as a father: her partner. While she occasionally had days where the ground would’ve been lucky to feel the grace of her step, her superhero duties had kept her from spending each day hidden from society. She had a different way of coping, but like others, she seemed to start getting back into routine again.

“Right, sorry Wanda.” Peter apologized.

“What are you doing out here?” inquired the witch in her native Sokovian accent, always intuitive. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s y/n. I can’t find her anywhere and we agreed to meet back here nearly - an hour ago!” Peter pulled up his coat sleeve to check the time on his watch, the face of which bore a picture of him and your father from only a few months before the snap. It had been a birthday gift, one of his favorites in fact, though it couldn't top what you had given him the same year: a lego set and your first kiss.

“I didn’t know that she got out of bed. That’s a big step!”

“Yes it is and we were going to celebrate tonight, but she hasn’t come back yet which is really not like her.” worried Peter.

“Where did she go?”

“Strange’s. He was going to give her a meditation lesson for her powers.”

Confused, Wanda's eyebrow furrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Doesn’t she know how to use them already?”

“Yes, but he thought it would help her manage her grief. Working out is a pretty common method, but she hates going to the gym so he figured some meditation would be better for her and -“

“Wait, hold on. Did she go to him this morning?”

“Yes and she was supposed to be back around noon, but it’s nearly six and she’s still gone.” Peter explained.

“Peter!” Wanda chided. She couldn't believe he could make such a grave mistake.

“What?”

“Strange hasn’t been at the Sanctum all day!”

“What?! Where is he?”

“Do I look like a wizard to you?" the witch gestured to her casual leggings and cardigan pairing that drastically differed from Strange's usual eccentric costumes. "How should I know?”

As if summoned by the topic of conversation, a figure appeared in the distant grass, hovering over the blades until he was close enough to be able to walk. His cape that flowed in the breeze like a blood red stream with a mind of its own was a dead give away. Doctor Strange had indeed arrived in the flesh.

“Parker,” he greeted, though he did not smile. “Is Ms. Stark ready for our lesson?”

Peter’s eyes went wide as he realized his mistake.

“Oh no.” he muttered, shaking his head in defeat. He was met with confusion from the wizard.

“No?” Strange repeated. “We agreed upon 8 didn't we? I know I'm a little early, but I assumed she wouldn't be busy. Didn’t you let her know I was coming?”

“Yes,” Peter confirmed. “I told her to be ready and then I sent her off to your place at 8… am.”

“What?!” Strange exclaimed as he summoned a portal to appear leading directly to his found home on Bleecker Street. He stepped through the fiery ring, a silent invitation for the others to follow as he hurried passed your car, up the steps, and into the door which did not part of him the same way it had earlier. Inside he was met with the most frightful of discovers accompanied by the looming feeling of doom as the situation became clear.

The Sanctum, unguarded with his absence, lay littered with books that had fallen from their homes on his shelf’s yet one stood out from all the others. It laid on the floor open with its pages to the ground while every other book was shut. Levitating it with the simple flick of his wrist, a horrifying sight awaited Strange as he turned it over. One of the pages in the sacred book was missing.

“Do you know how serious this is?!” Strange exclaimed and although Peter at first took it as a barbed criticism aimed directly at him, he was able to distinguish Strange’s tone from when he was reprimanding. This was a separate kind of worry, the sort of tone that he had used heavily on the fated spaceship you three had been stuck in until you landed on Titan, Thanos’ home world, nearly five years ago. Treachery was afoot and if your powers were involved, the whole fabric of your current reality could change.

“Which one did she take?” Wanda pointed to the book, clearly noticing the giant tear in its center.

Strange’s voice answered, heavy with concern. “The revival spell.”

“You don’t think she knows, do you? She can’t possibly know how to conjure it.” asked Wanda, the same concern for their future written all over her face.

“That’s exactly what I think.” Strange confirmed.

“What?” Peter asked. “What are you guys talking about?”

“There are many types of magic, Parker, and the Sanctum, the building where you sent your girlfriend, is full of all of them, good and bad alike. Every spell comes with a price, the bigger the spell, the bigger the price and the spell she took comes with one of the biggest prices there is to pay.”

“Think about it, Peter,” Wanda paled. “What does y/n want most in the world right now?”

It hit Peter harder than fresh fallen hail. You were going to try to bring your father back.

“We have to find her. Now.”

Strange tried to use his sling ring to appear wherever you were, but in your grief, the extent of your powers had grown massively. Intentionally or not, you managed to prevent even the most powerful of wizards from using his Sling Ring to access your location.

“She's blocked me out.” Strange frowned. “We’re going to have to track her on foot.”

“She can’t be far,” Peter agreed. “She always takes the shortest path whenever she wants something.” It was one of the many things he loved about you: your ability to turn any taxing task into something much simpler. You were one of the cleverest people he knew. He just hoped it didn’t work in your favor this time.

It was Wanda who had the idea of tracking your magic. She led them to the nearest withering woodland area, where trees with bare branches and dying leaves sprawled endlessly. It was the perfect place to perform dark magic, away from the unyielding eyes of society. The trio didn’t hesitate to run in.

The further they got, the closer you felt especially to Peter despite the fact that he was the only one without his own source of magic. If he lost you tonight, he feared he’d never feel any sort of magic ever again.

They were only half an acre in when Wanda and Strange called out in anguish, the witch falling to her knees while Strange stayed standing, pounding the air with his fist as his trying to break through an invisible barrier though it was to no avail. Whatever was holding him back, it wasn’t fading anytime soon.

“Keep going, Parker!” he shouted, urging Peter forward. “You’re the only one who can stop her. The spell will only allow that which she loves.”

“How do I do it?” Peter shouted. “How do I stop the spell?”

“The page,” Wanda replied, quicker than Strange could as his reply was easy for her to access. “You have to tear it apart.”

Without wasting a second more, Peter sprung back towards where he could feel you, running without fatigue as his superhuman endurance supplied him with plenty of energy.

It was only a minute later that he caught his first sign of you. There was a break in the tree line out of which a bright amber glow poured like an incandescent warning. It was a dramatic contrast from the normal comforting emerald greens of your magic, but it was you nonetheless and Peter didn’t stop until he was so close he had to shade his eyes from the light.

If it weren’t for the dark nature of what you were doing, Peter would’ve considered it one of the most beautiful events he’d ever seen take place. He wasn’t sure if the circle of trees that surrounded you had been a natural formation or one you made for the sake of the spell, but he was sure the way they seemed to bend to your will, despite the hard wood of their birch trunks, had to be because of your power. In the center of it all was you and the page you had stolen atop a pile of purple and golden leaves. You stood before it, eyes closed as you whispered some sort of incantation. Your powers spread above you in orange flickering flames as you outstretched your arms and summoned what looked like the beginnings of a portal, though it was hard to peer through like a bride covered in a veil of night black.

Peter shouted your name, screaming for you to stop, but you didn’t so much as flinch as the portal grew. You couldn’t hear him over the force of your will. He could start to feel what Wanda and Strange were trapped behind. There was some sort of invisible wall that threatened to push him back from you, but he couldn’t be defeated. He had to stop you. Step by step, he got closer and closer to you, watching in horror as your body was lifted from the ground and floated in midair. A new energy started weeping through the fabric that covered your chest, soft and white like a sheer glittering fabric. It drifted towards the portal and as Peter neared you he could make out the outline of a face forming from it in the black center of it. It started to take shape, growing a neck and a body and becoming more concrete than a fragmented part of your energy. He became more unmistakable as the color grew back into his face. Tony Stark, in the flesh. Peter hurried towards the page.

You opened your eyes to gaze into the face of your father, tears flowing down your face partially from the exhaustion of bringing him back and from being able to see him again.

You tried to say something, tell him how much you had missed him, but you were left rendered without a voice. Your words came out as mouthed nonsense, though it seemed he had regained his voice.

“Y/n,” he uttered, though it seemed more like a warning than a greeting after being torn from you for so long.

You mouthed something you knew he’d understand. I love you too, dad.

Some other force called your name, but you ignored it. You couldn’t focus on anything else, but the father you had lost regaining life right in front of you. With every part that he gained, you felt a part of your fade. It wasn’t painful, more numbing than anything like the final dose to end all your sadness. You couldn’t help but relish in it. You were bringing back one of the greatest men to ever live.

You were so distracted, you missed the web that landed on the page below you and pulled it away.

“Y/n,” your dad said again, nearly having enough of one of his legs to step out of the portal when suddenly, the inky blackness swallowed him whole again and dissolved in the forest light, taking back the only thing you ever wanted.

“NO!” you cried as your voice returned to you and you fell back down to the dry grass and dead leaves, crumpled on the forest floor as all of the magic you had summoned faded away save for the glittering cloud that returned to your chest with such force it made you cough. You had failed.

“Y/n!” someone called and you shuddered away from their hand on your shoulder as loud sobs erupted from you.

“Leave me!” you begged. “Just leave!” Peter refused to leave your side, tossing behind him the page he had shredded into tiny scraps of paper as he knelt beside you, careful not to touch you again. “Why did you have to do that? Why did you take him from me?”

“You were going to die! I couldn’t let you di-“

“I WANTED TO DIE!”

Peter froze as you whimpered, the truth spreading above the both of you in the cold air like storm clouds as you cried to him.

“I want him back. Everyone wants him back. No one cares about his depressed daughter and I don’t want to hurt anymore, Peter.” you paused to take a deep breath. “It- it hurts so much.” you could barely get the words out as you were choked by your sobs. “It hurts knowing I could’ve saved him. It hurts knowing it should’ve been me that snapped those stupid stones. And I don’t want to live with that anymore. I had to try to bring him back for the world. It needs him more than it needs me.”

You brought a hand to your face, wiping away some of your tears, though it was no use as more came pouring out.

“I need you.” uttered Peter, looking into your glossy eyes. The sight of your tears and the echo of your screams couldn’t deter him from you. You can’t be repelled from the ones that you love.

“But you miss him, don’t you,” you argued as hot tears coated your face. “You want him back too.”

Peter nodded in agreement.

“I think about him everyday. Our moments together. Like this one time he saved me from drowning in a lake. Or-“ Peter grinned. “- remember when he caught us making out that one time before we told him we were together. He was so mad.” Peter smiled to himself, looking fondly on the memory until he began again.

“I miss him so much and it makes me so sad that I'll never see him again. But I wouldn’t trade you for him. I wouldn't trade you for anyone. You’re worth more to me than anyone else in the universe.”

Your sobs slowed yet the tears did not cease as they still cascaded down your face.

“It hurts me so much.” you restated.

Peter opened his arms. “May I?” he asked. You nodded and before you knew it, you were engulfed by a warmth unlike any other as Peter hugged you tight enough to make sure you wouldn’t try to leave him again.

“I know you do,” he related. "And I wish I could take it away. I wish I could just bag all your pain and throw it all away. But it doesn't work like that. It's going to hurt. It's going to be painful, so much so that you won't move from bed for days and days. You haven't."

"But I feel like everyone else has already moved on. Why can't I?" you shivered.

"No one else was as close to him as you. Everyone else lost a friend. You lost a father. There's a big difference. You can't expect yourself to move on from it. That's not healthy. It's just like I said, I'm here for you no matter how long it takes. You have to take your time with it, don’t rush the process." Peter pressed the lightest of kisses to one of your dampened cheeks.

"I just don't know what to do."

"Breathe."

As silly as it sounded in its simplicity you did as he instructed and inhaled deeply, allowing the air to coat your lungs that hadn’t been exposed to so much fresh air in a week. As you exhaled, you let out another sob in his arms, but somehow it felt better than all the others. You were not rid of your pain by any means and sadness still corroded your core, but for the first time in so long, you didn’t feel so hopeless. Peter placed another gentle kiss on your cheek, encouraging you as you took several more slow breaths and quiet cries until you found the strength to speak again.

“Was it like this for you when your parents died?” you wondered aloud as you pulled away from Peter to look into his chocolate brown eyes that you almost forgot you loved so much, yet not so far that he couldn't keep his arms around your frame that was still bearing his sweatshirt. You hadn’t spoken much about them before and while you weren’t sure where the question had arisen from, it felt like the right thing to ask.

“I was so young when they passed, sometimes I feel like they were never mine to begin with,” he admitted. “I took a couple days off school when it happened, but I don’t remember crying all that much. It’s tragic and sometimes it makes me sad that they’re gone, but I’m glad that it does. It’s a reminder that they were there for me in the first place, that I knew them enough to miss them. The grief is proof that I loved them while they were here.”

You were both silent for a moment as you thought about his words in relation to your situation. All your pain was put into perspective. Everything you had been through since he died, all the days you wasted away in bed, it was all the proof that you had loved him so much when he was alive and that you were still carrying the love you had left for him. You missed your father so much you were willing to die to get him back and for a moment, you almost did.

You parted from Peter’s arms to stand though you still grasped onto his hands as you weren’t strong enough to be upright on your own. You closed your eyes again and listened to the sound of the forest, the swaying of the leaves that still clung to their branches, the faint twittering of birds, and the calm of the sky that was oddly cloudless for autumn. The sound of your name falling from your father’s reformed lips was still faint in the air and for a moment you felt as though you were with him again.

You remembered when he taught you how to ride a bike one evening when you were only four. You remembered the day he pulled you from public school and started teaching you at home. You remembered the look of shock on his face when you showed him your powers for the first time and even more, you remember his pride when you completed your first mission with the Avengers (that he'd approved ahead of time to avoid any more Germany -like surprises). He wasn’t there, but at the same time he was everywhere. And you missed him, but at the same time the absence he left in your life felt less empty.

The tears came out in slow smooth streams, flowing down in slow trickles as you finally sat back down. You didn’t say anything and neither did Peter, but you knew he could feel what you felt. He could feel your father too and minutes slipped by as you sat and cried together.

There was a sudden rustling in the distance and soon enough, Doctor Strange and Wanda had arrived at the scene, no longer held back by invisible barriers. They rushed to you bringing flooding guilt through your system as you began to apologize.

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “I’m so sorry.”

Strange opened his mouth to speak, but he had nothing to say. You could tell by his expression that he was disappointed, but there was more to it. He had empathy.

It was Wanda that leaned down to place a friendly hand on your shoulder.

“Let’s get you home.”

The months following were some of the hardest of your life. Every battle you faced was uphill, but you no longer felt like you were fighting alone. You started going out again, first to visit Pepper and your half sister Morgan who lived in their cabin home. Peter joined you of course, but he played with Morgan for the most part while you and Pepper talked. You cried with her, but you laughed a lot too. She shared with you so many of her own memories, times when your father didn't know what to get you for your birthday, when he had managed to mess up cooking dinner in the strangest of ways, and when he’d accidentally burned your favorite stuffed animal in the drying machine all of which Pepper had to remedy. Though she hadn’t raised you, she was the mother you never had and through her stories you learned that your father had been just as good raising Morgan with her as he had been with you.

You hung out with Ned and MJ again shortly after that. While Peter had suggested a brief check-in at a cafe so you could go home quickly to rest, you surprised him with a much more time consuming idea: laser tag. The four of you had the best time targeting each other, you winning more rounds than any of the others. You ended the day with smoothies, talking as you drank and making plans for the next time you would all see each other. MJ made you promise you would text her if you ever needed anything and Ned gave you a whole plate of his Lola’s ensaymadas, your favorite dish of hers.

Finally, though he was locked up in his house and avoiding humanity, you visited Happy. Peter offered to join you like all the other times, but you assured him it would be best if he stayed home, promising you would return later. Happy was in a similar state of dismay to you when you saw him and while he was able to care for himself and continue with his personal routine, you could tell he was hurting.

You didn't say much when you first entered his apartment, but there was comfort within the silence. You sat with him on his sofa and watched whatever mind numbing program he had turned on to distract his thoughts until you had both worked up an appetite for lunch. It was there, in the middle of a random Burger King in Queens over a plate of cheeseburgers that you both broke down. You told him what you had nearly done, trusting him with the sensitive information as he was almost a second father to you. You took your time telling him the story of how you had nearly died to bring back your father.

Happy cried as you did and when you were finished, he told you how much you meant to him. He traded your story for one from your father after he returned from Afghanistan where he had famously been kidnapped.

"You could tell he was shaken," Happy began. "He told me he wasn't scared to die, but he was scared of losing time with you and leaving you alone. Pepper and I had been so busy trying to get him back, he was worried you had been neglected while he was gone. But when he came home and he saw your room clean, your toys put away, and a fridge full of leftovers from meals you prepared yourself, he was so proud. You inspired him to turn his life around. It was after that he told me that he knew you'd be okay if he was taken from us one day."

You both cried after that.

Long after you had finished your food, Happy drove you to the Parker's new apartment with the promise that he would be okay too, eventually. He also admitted that he was starting to develop quite the liking for your faithful boyfriend after hearing all that he had done for you, though he’d skin you alive if you ever told Peter.

It was that night in Peter's new bedroom that you knew you’d be okay. It still hurt to think of your father and you knew you’d never entirely recover and that the pain would never fully leave you, but there was a certain comfort in it now. You knew Peter felt it too as he snuggled half asleep into your side, his arm slung around your body in a protective manner, but also to keep from falling of the twin bed you shared as he let you sleep on the side with the wall. There were still days when you didn’t want to leave your bed, but there were also days when you felt more elated than ever. You could feel your father in those moments the most, like the shine of his smile took form in the light from the sun. You couldn’t see him nor could you speak with him, but you knew he wasn’t really gone. It was love that kept him around. And it was the love you carried for him that would suspend you for lifetimes, through light and dark until the end of time.

“I hope this grief stays with me because its all the unexpressed love” - Andrew Garfield 💙

#tom holland x you #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker #mental health #suicide awareness #avengers endgame #tony stark #stark!daughter #stark!reader #fem!reader #you are loved

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ashleyquinn03 · 5 months

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Every time I look at Tears of the Kingdom criticisms, they aren't even about actual criticisms, they just don't like the story. It's fine to not like the story. But when you criticize, you need to explain why and how you would've fixed the problem. (No, saying "I would've changed the whole story" is not the why and how.)

For example, I didn't like that there wasn't any explanation on where the Sheikah technology went until a developer basically panicked in an interview and said that it just vanished after the Calamity. I would've made it so that while Purah is explaining the Purah Towers and/or Purah Pad, she offhandedly commented that she got the parts from the guardians/shrines/Divine Beasts.

What really irks me is the "but the story doesn't line up to past Zelda games" that's right. Good job on understanding that. Ocarina of Time had 2 direct sequels: Majora's Mask and Wind Waker. Zelda 1 has a direct sequel: Link's Adventure. Wind Waker has a direct sequel: Phantom Hourglass. Breath of the Wild has a direct sequel: Tears of the Kingdom.

The only thing that was promised was that it was a sequel (and technically also prequel) to Breath of the Wild. People take the timeline way too seriously. Twilight Princess is technically after Majora's Mask, but we are only told that from the timeline. The Hero's Shade was hinted at being the Hero of Time, but just like the Bridge of Hylia existing in BotW/TotK those hints were just made as a reference.

The Zelda timeline doesn't make sense. Why did 4 Sword adventure take place in the Child timeline? How does a "the hero is killed" timeline exist if the hero canonically wins? Why is it only Ocarina of Time that had the timeline split when time travel is a common thing in many Zelda games?

Sure, you are allowed to not like the story, but stop blaming it on Nintendo not caring about the Zelda timeline. They were all meant to be a brand of games with the same name, we as a community just wanted a timeline, so Nintendo just made one and threw it at us.

If you want to argue that it has no connection to Breath of the Wild, please replay the game again and see how many things are connected:

If you've played BotW, your horses transfer over

Zelda has made monuments dedicated to the people that lost their lives to Calamity Ganon

People still remember him. I've seen arguments that people don't; so I will say: talk to the Zora, the people around Lookout Landing, Master Kohga, the Sheikah, some of the Rito, Riju and her right hand, and Yunobo.

If you've beaten the Champions' Balad DLC, you keep the picture of the Champions.

Anyway, I just needed to rant because I keep seeing "criticisms" that are just bitching at the story, which as I said before: if you don't like the story, that's your opinion, but don't think that's what a criticism is because it's not.

#legend of zelda #the legend of zelda #tears of the kingdom #zelda #botw #botw2 #breath of the wild #totk #rant post

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tetrakys · 2 months

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Hey Tetra, so how is the beta? What do you think of the game so far?

Sorry anon, I know I've been silent here, every time I think I want to make a post I never have enough time to make it as detailed as I used to, but never mind I'm going to give my quick opinion and then write something more in depth later.

So, first of all, I agree with everyone that the way the AP system is at the moment is too expensive. We pay 2AP for line of dialogue and many APs for choices. We get more free APs than in the past with the daily login, so that's a plus, but the choices are way too costly, especially the very basic ones (here called neutral choices), I shouldn't have to spend 40 APs to say I want a cup of tea! All that being said, I'm not too worried about it because I know that Chino has already reported this issue to management, and while these decisions are not up to her I know she sees the player's perspective and will do everything she can to make our voices heard.

Now, AP system aside, there are some things I really love!

Firstly, the website looks amazing, in the end it was worth the wait. It works super smoothly, and it's very pretty to look at.

And the closet/shop part is really easy to navigate, it's pretty much like the Sims so I'm used to it.

Also, the millennial in me who can't afford to buy her own home is really into the room decoration feature

I also enjoy the minigames. One is just like the explorations in Eldarya, but with no pet to feed, so it's a win to me. The other is outfit contests, we receive a theme and we can dress up our Candy and enrol in it. I am TERRIBLE at it, but even if you don't make it top3 you still win some APs and diamonds just for participating. You can also win stuff just by voting in the contest.

Now, to the story. The first episode was mostly an introduction so nothing much really happens, we just meet 4 of the LIs. It was cute, the mechanic is a bit tricky because we can't see immediately if the LoM increases or not, we find out at the end of the episode, but it's not nearly as bad as in ML, so I can deal with it. It's also possible to understand if the LI liked the interaction from their reactions. I think I'm starting to understand their personalities so I hope I'll get the hang of it when the game releases. I'm going to make a separate post about my impressions on the LIs, but I'm quite happy so far.

Something else I want to mention before ending this is a final pro and cons.

Cons, I don't like the "fairy". It's MC's godfather which is a cool character, apparently he is Agatha's cousin, that's nice. But he only brings gifts to Taki which I really don't care about, my duck will remain naked as nature intended. Or, anyway, I won't spend APs on it. I'm gonna try hard to avoid this guy, also because we have a choice to make with him and we can't skip it once we run into him.

The pro is instead the VIP system. From what I've seen, it looks very convenient. We get extra APs and diamonds every day, especially the diamonds it's a really good amount, which we can then exchange for more APs or cumulate to buy extra scenes (which are longer scenes with the LI). We also get some extra perks like an outfit, skip button for the replays, and extra jokers, which are little useful features that can be used in game. We don't know yet how much the VIP subscription costs, but if they stuck to the same prices as other game companies, it shouldn't be more than 10-15$.

And you anon, did you play the beta? Let me guys know what you think. People seem to be happy about most things except the AP system.

#it ended up being a long post anyway but there's so much to say!#mcl #my candy love #mcl new gen

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lo-sulci · 9 months

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What are heaven will be mine & coquette dragoon?

oh my goodness, thank you for asking!! the short answer: they are incredibly good visual novels that I highly recommend, especially if you're a fan of mecha, sci-fi, great world building, yuri, and generally just amazing art created by transfems

long answer:

heaven will be mine (aside from being where I got my url) is the second VN made by worst girls games, best known for their first outing, we know the devil (also an absolutely amazing game). hwbm tends to ask a bit more from the reader than its predecessor- while wktd almost exclusively featured three characters and dealt with rather plainly stated themes of alienation, loneliness, and religious trauma, hwbm presents a setting cloaked in metaphor where human will literally shapes the universe and psychic mech pilots read spacetime like a narrative.

the cast is bigger, with the three routes allowing insight into each of the three main girls in addition to members of the factions they belong to, all in service of a beautiful story about queer people connecting with each other and finding/making their place in a world that would want to deny them their happiness (and a lot of other things, but I'm simplifying some here). begging to be replayed over and over, i've had different characters and details stick out every time ive played through the game, while also gaining a deeper understanding of and appreciation for hwbm's characters and setting. I've loved hwbm and wktd for years and expect I will for years and years to come, which, incidentally, is why I got a pair of tattoos based on these games LMAO. in other words: they're fucking fantastic and hit like few other things out there, imo

coquette dragoon is one of those other things, because holy shit does it excel at hitting incredibly specific and relatable emotional beats that are liable to absolutely tear you apart. created by ivy burgeroise, who (by her own fantastic description) makes art for sad perverts, coquette takes place during a seemingly endless war between the lilac fleet and the duchy of lucia, two spacefaring societies inhabited by animal people who have very differing opinions on magic.

focusing (so far) on xiomara rosales of the lilac and lady honey rose of the duchy, coquette explores painfully human stories from both sides of the war. (to that point, I'd be remiss if I didn't advise you to look out for the content warnings- coquette gets into some very heavy stuff and speaks about it very frankly and honestly, which is to its credit imo but i also understand that that is not something that everyone is in a space to deal with.) more than anything else, I feel, coquette is a work that puts words to feelings that you'd never before been able to describe, and, through the vulnerability of its author in making something so emotionally honest, makes me want to be more openly and happily myself. all of this in a story that examines war, exploitation, and the societal structures that prop them up, among many, many, many other things. I could keep talking in circles gushing about it, because I am so so obsessed with what's been released so far and so indescribably excited to see how it progresses in the future, but to keep myself from going on for too too long i'll cap this off with a tweet about coquette that i frequently think of and is one of the best recommendations I can offer:

OH and also coquette has wibbleburger, which, as we all know, is your favorite

#(the joke is that wibbleburger's slogan is ''it's your favorite'' i am not arbitrarily deciding what is or isn't your favorite)#anyways. i dont know how else to say this but theyre both absurdly good and make me cry a bunch #heaven will be mine #hwbm #coquette dragoon

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storiesbyjes2g · 3 months

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3.74 San Sequoia dreaming

Dub was such a blast to hang out with, and I really wished we could have spent more time together, swapping stories and figuring out our lives. But eventually, he had to leave and meet Maia to catch their train. It made me really happy when he said he wanted to stay in touch. I was planning to ask him, but he beat me to it, and I was stoked to finally have a new friend. When I got home, Sophia asked where I'd come from all suited up, and I told her about meeting Dub. Needless, she was thrilled to hear about my new friend. That night, as I lay beside her, the memories of the afternoon replayed in my mind, from the tour to our conversations. At that moment, I recognized what I need to do. Or rather, how I needed to do it. I hyped up San Sequoia so much, but I never actually showed it to her. How could I expect her to be on board with going to a place she had never seen? For all she knew, it could be just another sleepy little town, like Oasis Springs. We were partners, and I knew she would pack up and leave when I was ready, but I wanted her to be excited about it. I needed her enthusiasm because, without it, she could resent me later. So, the next morning, as she began to stir, I asked if she had any plans.

"I was gonna ask if you did," she said between a big yawn.

I smiled, happy to receive a green light, and moved some stray hairs away from her face.

"I do. I want to show you San Sequoia."

"Okay!"

She got up immediately and hopped into the shower. After we ate breakfast, we gathered the dogs and headed out to the Celebration Center. I was determined to be a better tour guide this time around.

"San Sequoia is a great place for families," I began. "And this neighborhood is the hub. It's called Gilbert Gardens, and I love it here."

She glanced around, taking it all in.

"It's pretty here."

"This place is like a community hangout spot. They've got something to build just about any skill you can name for all ages."

"Wow! That's so important. Is this an affluent area? You usually only see learning centers in nicer areas."

"From what I've learned, San Sequoia is a very diverse city, economically and socially. I personally have experienced the latter."

She nodded, satisfied with my answers, but the lake stole her attention.

"I just want to jump in there. I haven't been swimming in so long. My body is calling for it!"

"Swimming is allowed! And the weather is warm most of the year, so you could come here literally anytime you want."

I saw a sparkle in her eyes and knew that was the moment she saw herself in San Sequoia. My tour was successful, and she hadn't seen the best parts yet, so I kept going.

"That's the spa I told you about over there. They've got everything and-"

"Oh look at this," she shouted in the middle of my sentence. "This is the cutest, biggest splash park I've ever seen! We've gotta bring our kids here!"

That last part made me feel all warm inside, but I didn't want to give myself away yet, so I demoted my smile to a slight smirk.

"We will."

We walked around the lake, and I told her about the track. And of course I took her to the Arboretum and told her of the trail. I could tell she was eager for more, but we had another place to go. Next, we headed to what I hoped would become our new neighborhood. We strolled leisurely through the streets, hand in hand, looking at houses, making sure our dogs didn't wander too far. The back of the neighborhood, where the Michaels' lived, ended at the water. The closer we got, the faint smell of salt in the air got stronger. Like many cities, San Sequoia had its signature architecture, and many of the houses looked the same. But each one had its own unique characteristic, whether it was a garden or a cozy porch or even tacky stuff in the yard. All the homes comprised the tight-knit community I longed to be part of again.

"This is Hopewell Hills, my old neighborhood."

"That's a nice name. I see why you love it here so much. It's so quiet!"

I grinned in pride for San Sequoia never disappointed. As we rounded the corner, the salty tang of the ocean permeated the air, and my heart began to race because it was almost showtime. I wasn't nervous at all, but my excitement ate me up inside. With our destination just steps away, I created a diversion to set up my production. I slowed my pace and walked toward the marina, which had the most magnificent, unobstructed view of the bridge.

"This is my favorite spot in the neighborhood," I said.

The bridge stood there, tall and majestic, proclaiming to all who gazed upon it, "THIS is San Sequoia!"

"Woooow! It looks so close, like you could swim to it," she said.

"You can't get any closer without being in Anchorpoint Wharf."

I casually turned around to face the house we'd been standing in front of.

"I love this house, too. I ran by here every day, imagining what it would be like to live there and watch the sky change colors at sunset on the porch."

"That sounds amazing. And this house is beautiful, Luca. Is it empty?"

"Sure is."

She left me to walk around and peek in the windows. I watched her for a little while, hoping she saw something she liked.

"I want to buy this house," I confessed finally.

She ceased her exploration and came back to me with a look of concern.

"It's so big! Can we afford it?"

I guess after living in a tiny house for as long as she did, most houses seemed large to her. To me, it was the perfect size, with no wasted rooms or cramped spaces.

"Probably not," I replied. "But we can figure it out....make a plan."

Worry still radiated off her face, but that's just how she rolled.

"But...can your SimTube money really handle this?"

I grabbed her hands.

"It might take some time, but I think we can do it. Whatever it takes, I'll figure it out. One day, it'll be me and you sitting on the porch watching the sunset. I'll build get my dad to build that treehouse for our kids. Rosie will run around this neighborhood and Kooper will chill on the porch watching her."

She laughed, but her eyes began to water.

"Ha ha! I think that's what they're doing now. Gosh, Luca! You're an excellent salesman! I want all of that right now!"

"I do too. That's really why I brought you here today. I love you, Sophia. I've loved you for a really long time, whether or not I knew it. You're the only woman who could get me to this point. And you're the only woman I'd want any of that with. We've been tiptoeing around marriage and starting a family. It's something you've been wanting and waiting for. And I just want you to know...I want it too. All of it. And I'm ready and want to give it to you. Sophia, will you marry me?"

"OH MY WATCHER! OH MY WATCHER!!!"

I wished I could snapshot that moment. She was so adorably shocked. It amazed me that she didn't catch on, but I was delighted to see her sincerely surprised.

"YES!!!! Of course I will!! Oh, Lucaaaa!!"

The ring dazzled her immediately after she took it and put it on. I was so happy she liked it because I knew nothing about jewelry and didn't ask for help. But as soon as I laid eyes on it, I knew it was the perfect one.

"Awwwww it's a heart-shaped diamond! It's so beautiful!"

"We're getting married, Luca!!"

"I can't wait."

#ISBI challenge #sims 4 story #sims 4 gameplay #adolting #adolting gen 3 #luca winston murillo #sophia aguilar #rosie #kooper

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talaok · 1 year

Text

I've dreamed of this | pt. X

Summary: You are a part of the BAU, and for the longest time you and Dr. Spencer Reid had been best of friends, even when it was clear to everyone else, and at times to you, that you should be more than that, and when something almost happens on a night out with the team, everything is destined to change.

This is a double pov story (each chapter will be alternated between y/n's and spencer's pov)

Chapter summary: idk man it's the last part what do you think happens

warnings: angst with happy ending

previous part

Spencer

He hadn't slept. At all.

How could he?

He had had everything, everything he ever wanted, needed, and then, in a heartbeat, it had all fled away.

She had.

He could still feel her, smell her, there, on his couch, on his bed, in his kitchen,

she was gone and had left everything behind, everything, except herself, except what he had fought for, and hoped for so long.

Spencer couldn't believe it at first.

She had said "I don't know if I can do this" and Spencer, as stupid as he was, though

no, she doesn't mean that

because that would be impossible,

because everything was fine just this morning,

but then she had kept going,

she kept talking, and as the realization hit, as she presented him with more and more reasons, more arguments he had felt himself slip away, the sounds coming out her mouth getting muffled as a ringing started in his ears.

She had left him,

because of Hotch

because they're friends,

because she can't lose him.

But he didn't understand,

he couldn't.

His mind was always slower around her, but now it seems it had come to a full stop.

He had done it,

He had finally grabbed the thread, the same one he had been running towards for what felt like ages, his legs tired and his mind full of doubts, of fear. He had grabbed it, and god had it felt good,

better than he could have ever imagined,

better than anything,

So good that all the effort he had put into it disappeared, flew away with the clouds as the sun finally shone.

He had grabbed it, and he thought that was it,

Spencer was never someone sure of himself, he felt nervous all the time, but he wasn't, for once, nervous about this.

For some reason, he had thought that he had done it, and there was nothing for him to worry about,

He had forgotten, as stupid as that was, that it was him holding the thread,

and who, in their right mind would want that?

No one

He knew.

But he still tried to fight,

not hard enough, of course,

he could have begged her, he could have taken her hand off his mouth and told her the truth.

Told her that he loved her,

from the start,

that he had been waiting for her his whole life,

that he couldn't live without her,

that he loved her more than anything,

more than life.

But he hadn't,

and that was because a part of him, if not all of him, already knew this was gonna happen.

Subconsciously, he knew,

and maybe that's why he wasn't nervous,

because he knew there was no chance, that this was too good for someone like him, too perfect,

and Spencer wasn't used to perfect, what he was used to, was this,

was not being enough,

because he simply wasn't.

So the fight he had put up was simply a farce to let himself know he had at least tried,

so that when he replayed the scene in his head for the millionth time just like he was doing now, he could at least tell himself he had tried, but that, as he knew, there was nothing to do.

Because once again,

someone had walked away,

and he had stood there and watched.

__ __ __

He had thought about not going to work, but when he turned his head to the right and saw his clock say 6 am, he decided he needed to get out, because if he had to spend even a minute more in his bed, laying on sheets still soaked with her sent he was never gonna get up again.

He hadn't undressed so he had just slipped his shoes on and walked out.

He didn't want to stay there anymore.

Too many memories,

not bad ones,

that's the problem,

to much hope

too many broken dreams.

As he walked he thought about it, really thought about it, not of how hurt he was or of the pit in his stomach, no, he had thought about it as if he was a spectator, watching what had happened from the outside.

He was used to this, he used to do it all the time when he was little, pretend it wasn't him living his life, but that he was just watching it from the stands, so at least whatever happened to him was just a show, a nothing, and he didn't need to be hurt or sad, because it wasn't him feeling those things, but someone else.

So, as the wind breezed through his hair, he had come to the conclusion that he had just gone through a loop.

He had reached again the initial situation,

they were friends.

He and Y/n, friends, just friends, as they'd always been, as they were meant to be, according to her.

And he had done that before, so he knew he could be, friends, just like he knew he could spend the rest of his life pretending he didn't want more,

so much more.

He had done it, so he could do it.

He had also realized that on one thing, she had been right.

He didn't wanna lose her either,

and even though, in his eyes, there was no possibility he'll ever leave her, he realized, that the possibility that the opposite could happen, was well higher.

He was Spencer Reid after all.

He had never been anyone if not himself,

and for that, he had been cursed.

He had to look on the bright side,

She was still there, not nearly as he wanted her to, but there nonetheless, with him.

__ __ __

"Good morning sweety pies" Garcia entered the conference room, all shiny and smiley, and Spencer just wanted to melt into the floor"Ready for a new case?"

"Morning baby girl" Derek smirked "You know I'm always ready"

"right" she nodded, "then we should get to it"

"uh-" JJ interrupted "hotch isn't here yet"

"Oh shoot," Garcia noticed "do we wait?"

"he's probably on his way" Emily said

"Alright," she said, setting the remote on the table as she and JJ started talking

"hey what's up man" he felt Derek's hand on his shoulder "you look... weird"

If there was one thing he didn't wanna do, was have this conversation.

"No, I'm good"

Derek frowned

"Are these the same clothes you were wearing yesterday?"

Shit

He glanced at them "uh- yes, I was late"

"mh" Derek hummed, a grin creeping up his face "didn't get much sleep last night, huh playboy?"

Spencer now not only wanted to melt into the floor, but into the earth's crust.

"what, you can tell me" he elbowed him " or don't" he raised his eyebrows, not wanting to intrude too much

"Just don't party too hard, kid" he chuckled, and spencer forced a smile, as he tried to think of what to say besides - can you please stop talking?-

"sur-" he had settled on, but Hotch's voice interrupted him

"Good morning"

"Good morning sir we were waiting for you" Garcia informed him

"Uh, yeah, You should start without me I just have to-" he glanced around the room, his eyes finding Spencer's "Reid, can I talk to you in my office?"

His heart had never gotten back up from his stomach, so, as much as he was confused, this was nothing compared to what he was already feeling.

"Sure" he nodded, getting up awkwardly in the silence to follow the man out of the room.

"what do you have to talk to me about?" he asked as Hotch started towards his office

"I'll explain inside" he nodded, opening the door for him.

He stepped into it, and as much as he thought the pit in his stomach couldn't get any deeper,

it did.

He had stopped breathing

"hi"

y/n's voice echoed in his mind as if it was distant, and not right in front of him, sitting on a chair in front of Hotch's desk.

He turned to his boss without noticing how his mouth was slightly gaped.

"take a seat" he gestured, as he closed the door behind him.

His mind was blank, just like all the colors together create black, all the thoughts coursing through his mind turned to nothing.

He set down,

next to her,

next to her

Hotch cleared his throat "ok," he looked between the two of them.

"what's going on?" he heard himself ask,

he had talked without even realizing it.

"well-"

Hotch seemed nervous, and he never was.

He cleared his throat again " y/n told me"

He creased his brows, his heart beating so fast he was certain everyone could hear it

"w-what do you mean?" Spencer turned to y/n and then his boss again, so many questions in his eyes.

"she's told me about you two"

"us two?" he turned to her again, and this time, he saw her, really saw her.

She looked worried, nervous as she answered

"us, spencer" she explained thinly

"but-"

but us doesn't exist

"I told him the truth"

He frowned again,

He felt as if every inch of his body was on edge

"the truth?"

He noticed her eyes unfocusing a moment before coming back to his, so many emotions under them he felt like he couldn't properly see them.

"I told him I want to be with you

I told him I've wanted to,

for a very long time"

She paused, and Spencer now noticed how her eyes were glistening.

"Spencer"

she said

"I told him that I love you"

Spencer stopped breathing.

every part of his body stopped.

even time stopped, as he stared at her.

Had she said that?

Had she really just said what he thought?

was he dreaming?

Was he dead?

" You both know of the bureau's policy" Hotch spoke, but he didn't really listen, his mind was frozen

"I have to admit this is not ideal, but I won't have one of my best agents leave just because of it"

what?

"what?"

" I came here to resign from the FBI" She murmured

"you- you can't"

"She won't need to" Hotch said " This is not the first time the bureau will turn a blind eye. I can pull some strings "

He sighed

" I will allow this"

Spencer, once again, felt like he just died.

" Hotch" y/n exclaimed incredulously "are you- are you serious?"

He nodded solemnly

"This, however, cannot interfere with your work, you will have to sleep in separate rooms when we're on a case, and I'll send you the paperwork you'll have to fill in for HR" He listed

"of course" y/n immediately agreed

Hotch looked between you, something looking like contentment flashing beneath his eyes

"but other than that, I'm happy for you" a hint of a smile emerged on his lips "I can't say this was much of a surprise"

"ok, I'll give you some time now, but we need you in the conference room in 5" he pointed at Spencer, before getting up to the door.

Spencer could only nod, and Hotch took it as a yes, and walked out.

The silence was so heavy Spencer felt crushed.

he turned to her, and she was already looking at him.

"you-" He started, getting interrupted

"I'm sorry"

she got up

"I'm so so sorry Spencer"

her voice was weak, like it was about to crack

"I-I was awful and I made a mistake, and I understand if you won't forgive me, I was stupid and cruel, but you have to know that everything I said- I meant it. I love you Spencer, and I hate myself for having done that to you"

She paused to take a breath as he stood up too.

"and-and I didn't mean to tell him about everything, I just came here to resign because I wanted to be with you, or at least try if you had been willing, but then he asked why and I told the truth because there I thought there was no point in hiding it anymore "

"I'm sorry" her voice was a whisper now

"I'm so sorry Spencer, I-I-"a tear rolled down his cheek.

He got in front of her

"y/n-" he wiped the tear away

"I'm sorry" she repeated

"y/n, I love you" he smiled, a soft chuckle fleeing his mouth "I-I I love you, and I'm not mad, I could never be mad"

"y/n the moment I saw you I had forgiven you"

she raised her head to meet his eyes.

"I love you too" she sniffled " I was scared, I was afraid of losing you but then- the moment I left your apartment I realized I couldn't go back to what it was before, I realized how much I wanted this"

He smiled, sheepishly, like a teenager, and she joined him.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he placed his hands on her waist, both of their bodies feeling made for each other.

"I love you" she smiled, standing on her toes to ghost his mouth

"I love you" he kissed her,

all the life came back to his body, as everything set into place.

He beamed as he leaned away

"y/n" he said "you have no idea how long I've dreamed of this"

*Thank you so much to everyone who has read and enjoyed this series, you're amazing. that said, you'll never catch me writing a series again lol, too much commitment I definitely don't have*

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