I'll Crawl Home to Her- Chapter 4
A/n: So Iâm pivoting a little bit with this series. In the last chapter, I had reader with Rhys a lot and Iâm fighting the urge to rewrite it, but from here on out itâs going to be a lot more of the inner circle stuff while Rhys and Feyre are doing their own thing. I didnât like how much I relied on the dialogue straight from the book for chapter 3 so hopefully this makes it a little better to write and more interesting to read!Â
Strap in because a lot happens in this chapter. Also this is mostly unedited because my brain in soup at this point.
Warnings: Cannon level description of violence, blood, brief mention of trauma (Rhys and Readers history with Tamlin), suggestive thoughts/language (as always let me know if I missed anything)
WC:19k
Previous chapters: [prologue] [chapter 1][chapter 2][chapter 3]
âI donât get why I wasnât invited.â Cassian whined, leaning back in the wide backed chair. I knocked his feet from their place on the coffee table and he stumbled as the legs of the chair touched the ground.
âBecause last time you were there you fucked someoneâs wife and destroyed their house in your attempt to get away.âÂ
âIn my defense, she didnât tell me she was married.â He grumbled out, crossing his arms like the petulant child he was.Â
âTry telling that to her husband.â I continued to tease him.Â
âI did.âÂ
âChildren, children.â Mor chided Cassian and I. A bored wave of her hand causing Cassian to turn his attention to her instead. I smiled widely as the two of them started going back and forth.Â
Eventually Rhys and Azriel came to collect Cassian.Â
âSorry, boys night.â My brother said, shooting me a wink when I tried to argue. âDonât pout at me.â
âTheyâre just afraid theyâd lose their ass if they let us play.â Mor returned, all of the males sputtering out a chorus of protests.Â
True to their word, they didnât let Mor or myself join them. Going as far as to lock the door to Rhysâ study. Their loud shouts could be heard from where Mor and I sat together down the hall.Â
Mor was swiping the second layer of a silver and black sparkle nail polish on my hand.Â
âAre you nervous about going to summer?â She asked casually.Â
âHardly.â Even I wasnât convinced by my words. Mor raised an inquisitive eyebrow at me. âFine. Iâm just worried we wonât get the book. Weâve only tested this theory of Feyreâs powers once and that was Rhysâ magic.â
âYou think the bond could let her sense it.â I nodded.
âItâs not impossible. Even if she hasnât accepted it. She could be inherently drawn to things that have ties to him. I just have to hope my brother is right.â I stopped talking to start blowing my nails dry. Shaking them slightly while I did so. Mor turned to her own nails, brushing a blood red polish over them.Â
The summer court was just as beautiful as I remember it. I was immediately greeted by the smell of sea salt, even the sunshine smelt different. The humidity in the air laced it with something I could not put my finger on but warmed every part of my body. My skin felt instantly sticky, suddenly very grateful for the flowing white halter dress I had picked for myself that morning.Â
Even though it was early in the morning, the city below the palace was already teeming with life. Merchant carrying various baskets full of goods, ships sailing in and out of the docks. The rope bridges swayed slightly in the breeze as people flurried about.Â
We had winnowed right in front of the palace. The purple and green sea glass doors opened at our arrival. It had been at least a century since the last time I visited this place, enough time that I was in awe of the scene in front of me. As much as I loved my home Velaris, there was something about the lightness of this palace that called to me. The full walls of sea glass and shells embedded into the floor, covered with some shiny surface that didnât make it painful to walk on.Light chiffon fabric in pastel purples, seafoam green, baby pinks, and, buttery yellows adorned the chairs and curtains. The sun that shone through the glass walls tinted with all the colors around us. I was still gawking when Tarquin approached us. The time since he came back had been kind to him. His dark skin more bronzed and his long white hair was braided and adorned with various shells, he was heart stoppingly handsome.The power of a high lord circled him, but unlike Rhys, it carried a certain warmth to it. An aura of safety and security. I swore the water flowing from the fountains around us bubbled harder at his arrival.Â
âWelcome. I see you like the changes Iâve madeâ He winked at me, eyes still flickering about.Â
âI believe youâve met before, although not since yourâŠpromotion.â Tarquin eyed Amren before he gave her a polite bow. Amren bit back a greeting that reminded me of what others saw us as. Cold and calculating.Â
âAnd you two were never formally introduced under the mountain. Feyre, Tarquin.â Tarquinâs face set into a tight line as his eyes swept over the revealing dress Feyre was wearing. Even more see-through with the sunlight in the room. Rhys let out a lewd comment and Feyre returned her own before IÂ could even think to grimace.Â
Another's presence in the room had me looking over Tarquins shoulder. I tried to keep my face even as I spotted Cresseida. The female and I had grown closer than anyone else in the court during my last visit. She shot me a wicked smile before Tarquin introduced her, a claiming hand resting on her shoulder. My eyebrow raised to her and she shrugged her shoulders. A promise of explaining later in her dark brown eyes. Varian was next to be introduced. As captain of Tarquins guard, I did not fault him for the way he sized all of us up, especially Amren.Â
Our group followed Tarquin through the hallways of the palace. Rhys and the High Lord making polite small talk. Cressida and I walked in step together.Â
The room Tarquin led us to was just as beautiful as the rest of the palace. High ceilings speckled with those same pastel colors, a wide open window showcasing the vibrant water of the sea, so rich in color it appeared almost teal. Feyre gravitated towards the window, like her feet were working on their own. The Summer High Lord approached her side and I tried to keep up with their hushed conversation. Rhys took a seat at the table in the middle of the room and motioned for me to do the same. Rolling my eyes as the others approached, I grabbed Cressidaâs arm and led her to a set of couches a bit away from the others. âWeâll leave all the important talk to the high lords and generals.â I said, sinking into that vapid facade I carried when I wasnât expected to be Rhysâ terrifying counterpart. He gave me a bored look of dismissal.Â
âYou must tell me everything.â I nearly squealed at Cressida, loud enough for the others to hear.Â
âThere isnât much to tell, Tarquin is adjusting to being High Lord quite well. However, suddenly it wasâŠHeâs a good change from before.â So not interested in her advances then. Her eyes flickered over to the table where the rest sat.Â
âAre you not in contact with Tamlin then, Feyre?â The question was laced with challenge and accusations. The idea that she was in not one but two high lords beds a grave insult.Â
âMy relationship with the High Lord of spring is none of your concern.â She bit back, the perfect edge of regal and warning in her voice.Â
âGood, Iâd hate to have to return you to your master.â Even from across the room I saw Amren go deathly still. I gave Cressida a small tap on her shoulder, a playful move that warned her to hold her tongue. She gave me a withering glare as Tarquin reprimanded her for her words.Â
She turned back to me, mouth opening to continue our conversation as Rhys spoke. If I hear word that she or anyone else sends news of our being here to Tamlin, your lives will be forfeit. I heard the tone of promise. The air growing deathly still as his words registered to the High Lord.I took a deep sip of my wine as feyre whispered out something that had Tarquin laughing. The room seemed to take a collective sigh at the sound. Tarquin was a good change indeed. Cressida sank back into her chair as she looked me over.Â
âYou look well.â She said once the conversation in the room resumed. I nodded, setting down my glass on the table beside me.
âFresh air will do that to a person.â My not so subtle reminder to her that she had not been under the mountain. She gave a small hum. âIt seems the court has recovered nicely.â Â
It was her turn to grow tense. âIt was not without hard work, as Iâm sure you can relate to. Having a sudden change in high lord and losing half our population has not made it easy to rebuild, but weâve managed this far.â She sighed, looking at Tarquin who was now laughing with Rhys. âHe has made things easier. Gave my brother and I much more control over the efforts than the previous High lord would have.â I took in her words, the tension in her shoulders and heard the tone of someone who had sacrificed a great deal for her court. Something I very much understood. I felt shame rise in my throat at my earlier comments. She might not have been under the mountain but she, and many others in Prythian, had suffered just as much because of it. Iâd imagine it would be impossible to find someone who was not affected.Â
âEnough about me though, tell me howâve you been?â Her tone switched back to one of light gossip. I took a deep sip of my wine as I gave her a half-true recounting of the last few months.Â
Cressida walked me back to my room, pointing out things around the palace while doing so. Explaining the bits of work that were still in planning. She gestured to my room and said her goodbyes, promising to find me at the party tonight.Â
I let out a heavy sigh as the door closed behind me. I had forgotten how exhausting court politics was. How heavy the role Rhys and I played was. Instead of lingering on that, I quickly changed into my clothes for tonight. A flowy dress that mimicked the fashion of the court but with Night Court colors. Silvers and midnight blues, silver chains fastening the dress around my neck. I left the tiara I would pin in my hair on the edge of my bed as I walked out onto the balcony attached to my room. I stared out at the crashing waves, sitting in the sound that they brought with them. The tide was coming in stronger now that it was mid-afternoon. On the horizon I saw the colorful sails of merchant and travel ships bobbing on the water. I leaned against the railing, letting myself become almost hypnotized by the motion of the water around me. I donât know how long I stayed staring out at the water but Rhys knocking at my door told me it had been at least a few hours. Rhys walked up to my side, leaning against the railing.Â
âIt's definitely a nice view.â He says, snapping me out of my trance. I only nod.Â
âI wish we didn't have to do this.âÂ
âWhich part?â
âI donât know all of it. The sneaking and the games. I just wish it could change.â I said, voice barely above a whisper. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders.Â
âIt will be. Once this war is over. Thatâs what we're fighting for.â He gave a little squeeze before I sighed heavily.Â
âI hope thatâs how the others see it.â He nodded and I pulled away from his side. Walking back into the room. I picked up my tiara and slid it into my hair. I adjusted my makeup in the mirror on the vanity. Looking at Rhys I gave a dramatic twirl.Â
âHow do I look?â He rolled his eyes at the question.
âEvery bit the Night Court princess. Now will you please hurry up, weâre already late enough.â I stuck my tongue out at him as we walked out of the room.Â
The ship was beautiful. It could fit double the amount of Fae than it was currently holding. Feyre, Rhys and Amren stayed close together while I mingled amongst those who would actually talk to me. Cressida found me at some point in the night, pushing a glass of wine into my hand. I couldnât help but notice the similarities between her and Mor. Making me wonder just what sat behind her own mask. We got along fine but years of not speaking had made our friendship dissolve. Rhys made his way over to Cressida and I, giving Feyre space to talk to Tarquin. He tried to play the aloof High Lord but I saw the way his eyes kept floating over to Feyre, the way his shoulders stiffened at every smile Tarquin gave her. Cressida must have sensed the tension too because she leaned across the table to reach for my brother's hand, purposefully leaning over to expose her cleavage to him. I tried not to roll my eyes at her attempt to get his attention.Â
He gave her a sleepy smile and pointed to the seat next to him. She gave Feyre a lingering glance before she stood up and all but climbed into his lap. I didnât hold back my eyeroll this time. She shot me a wide grin. âYou donât mind do you?â She asked in a coy voice.Â
âBy all means, donât let me stop you. But you should be asking him.â She pouted at my brother who nodded his head, his hand drifting to the small of her back. I downed the rest of my wine before standing up to get more. I had no interest in seeing him lean down to whisper in his ear. I noticed Feyre spared a glance our way, quickly looking back to Tarquin when she spotted Cressidaâs new seat. Before I knew it, Feyre was on her feet. Walking away to a less crowded spot on the ship, leaving a very confused looking Tarquin behind her. Taking the opportunity, I joined him at the table.Â
âI hope I didnât upset her.â He joked when I sat down beside him.
âShe can be a littleâŠtouchy where my brother is concerned. Pay no mind.â I waved my hand to punctuate my words. Tarquin just took a deep sip of his wine.Â
We made light conversation, asking each other about our courts and each only giving as much information as was polite. My eyes tracked Rhys movements as Cressida pulled him from his seat and across the deck of the ship. A deep laugh came from the High Lordâs chest.Â
âYouâre not interested then?â I pointed my hand at the retreating couple, still holding my wine glass, Another laugh from Tarquin.
âMother no, did no one tell you sheâs my cousin.âÂ
âOhâŠâ He gave me a smirk.Â
âAnd besides, princess. I am still young and rebuilding my court. All of that,â he waved towards the direction Cressida had pulled my brother, âcan wait until after. That doesnât mean that anyone in my court isnât free fuck whoever they decide.â I almost shot wine from my nose at how hard I laughed, choosing an inopportune time to take a deep sip from my cup. I sputtered out an âIâm sorry.â between coughs. He handed me a handkerchief to wipe my mouth. âI truly wasnât not expecting you to say that. Please donât think I was laughing at you.âÂ
âNever.â His voice suddenly became more serious than before.Â
âNow what about you? No one has caught your eye?â
âI dare you to try with a brother like mine.â It felt wrong to so crassly talk about Rhys. LIke he was the one stopping me from what I wanted.Â
âBut thereâs someone?â He pried. I shook my head.Â
âNo one that would see me that way.â It wasnât a lie by any means. He didnât have to know exactly why.Â
âDo they happen to be blind?â I raised an eyebrow in question. âThat would be the only reason I think of for someone not seeing you that way.â I didnât fake the blush that rose on my cheeks.Â
âYou flatter me. But no, just⊠I donât know.â I said in a tone almost boarding on a whine. He laughed again, a sound I realized I liked. We sat and talked until the sun colored the water a deep purple. I looked out at the view, once again falling into a trance as I stared out at the waves.Â
âShall I walk you back to your room?â Tarquin asked, pulling my eyes back to him. I wanted to say no. But the role I played required I saw yes. So I nodded, letting him guide me by my hand back around the palace. I was nervous as we approached my door, not knowing fully what he expected out of me. Especially not knowing exactly where Cressida had pulled Rhys to. I felt panic starting to rise in my throat until he cleared his throat.Â
We were outside my door and the panic I felt must have been written across my face.Â
âDonât look so disappointed. But I was not walking you back for that.â I felt my shoulders relax and a blush settle on the tips of my ears.Â
âIâm sor-â
âDonât be. I like my partners more than willing.Enthusiastic if you will.â I laughed, which made him laugh in return.
âGood night.â I whispered to him
âGood night.â He gave me a quick kiss on the cheek before he turned and walked off down the hallway.Â
I had nothing to do until Feyre went to look for the book. And I truly had no desire to sit and gossip with Cressida after the heated looks she had been giving my brother. So I simply stayed in my room, listening to the sounds of the ocean. I tried to think of how much the rest of my family would love it here. How much they had loved it here. I lightly chuckled to myself as I remember Cassian's face as Mor winnowed him out of the court last time we had visited. It took days of debate and many apologies before the previous High Lord rescinded the blood ruby he threatened to send after Cassian. Mor looked absolutely gorgeous with some sun on her skin, although Azriel held onto it longer much to her chagrin. I curled my knees up to my chest at the thought of Azriel. It felt almost selfish for how little I had thought about him since Iâd been here. Regardless of the fact that I had no reason to feel bad, a small twinge of shame pushed its way through me. A hand rising to the center of my chest to massage the discomfort away.Â
Rhys didn't come to collect me until dinner. He was curt as he announced that the rest were waiting for me, not waiting for my reply before he was leaving the room again. I rushed after to catch up with him. Feyre must have done her job well if my brother was wound this tight.Â
âAnything on your mind, brother?â I asked in a sweet voice, purposefully teasing him.
âDonât you start with me too.â So Feyre must have already talked to him. Good. Maybe heâll finally use this to tell the poor girl. âStop trying to meddle.â
âI wouldnât dream of it.â
âI just want to get this damned book and go back home.â
âIâm sure thatâs all there is to it, Rhys.â I patted him on the back and nearly started running down the hall, suddenly very hungry.Â
The days passed by slowly. As Rhysâ advisor, I was now expected to attend the various meetings Rhys had with the summer courts own advisors. I wished we could have left Amren out of these meetings, but as his second, she attended every one of them. Her presence set the others on edge, making any and all discussions freeze at random moments because she so much as shifted her body weight.Â
It wasnât until dinner the night after that Feyre almost gave herself away. One too many questions asked about the little temple in the middle of the tide. Tarquin brushed off her questions with ease but I saw the way his eyes lingered on her longer than normal, like he was sizing her up for the first time. If I blinked I would have missed it, that slight fog in his eyes. A fog that only appeared for a moment before sea green eyes were revealed once again. I shot my eyes to Rhys who shook his head. Not him then. Meaning Feyre must have been able to do that. I was both very impressed and oh so horrified.Â
âI can carry you both and then keep watchâ Rhys layed out the plan. Amren looked over to me.Â
âAnd her?â
âSomeone has to keep the High Lord distracted.â I grinned at her
âWhat a hard job to do.â She bit back at me, baring her teeth at me. I fought back the urge to do the same.Â
âItâs a necessary job. Unless you want to risk Tarquin sniffing us out.â She didnât have a response for him. âGood. Do you think you can do it?â He turned to face me and I nodded. From there we planned the rest of the details.Â
The day dragged by. Tarquin, by Feyreâs suggestion, had taken her to the mainland to show her the rest of the court. That left Amren, Rhys and myself free to make some final conversation with the court advisors. Simple things like trade and training of soldiers felt wrong to discuss with a greater war on the horizon, felt too mundane.Â
Evening came around eventually. Tarquin all but deposited Feyre into Rhysâ outstretched arms. He gave her a salacious smile that I wasnât sure was entirely fake. But gave the right impression of just exactly why I was so eager to leave the palace.Â
Tarquin and I walked through the city where he took me to a small bistro. The staff all smiled at him as we approached the open air restaurant. It was quaint, reminding me of something you would find in Velaris. The casual exchange between the owner and Tarquin felt very familiar. I smiled at the couple as they personally sat Tarquin and I. The restaurant had no menu, instead the meal was based on whatever the ships brought in that day and the catch of the day seemed to be crab. They brought out steaming plates and I could only stare at it.Â
âI must admit, Iâve never tried crab before.â I picked up one of the legs in front of me, taking note of the hard shell. Tarquin smiled at me.Â
âApologies, I didnât consider that.â He gestured for the piece I was holding and I handed it over to him. âYou have to crack this openâ A simple twist of his hands and the shell popped loudly. âAnd then you can pull out the meat.â Picking up a tiny fork, he pulled the entirety of the meat out in a clean piece. I gave him a small clap. He laughed and handed me another piece.Â
âYou try.â I earned my own clap from him as I copied his motions. It took me a few tries to scoop everything out but I got there in the end.Â
âIâlll just have to practice more.â I winked at him and he gave me a soft smile.Â
âIf it gives you an excuse to come back here, be my guest.â I let the comment float between us. We ate until he had to wave off the shop owners. A small argument between the three of them as they tried to insist he didnât need to pay. Tarquin dropped a bag of gold on the table when their backs were turned and all but pushed me out of the restaurant before they could notice. The action was so unlike any other high lord I had seen that I couldnât help the giggle that left me.Â
He had grabbed my hand in his sometime during our walk back through the city. Not paying attention to the way I led him to the stretch of beach on the other side of the palace, on the opposite side of where Feyre and Amren were currently trying to grab the book from. The only sound between us was the crashing waves.Â
âSunlight looks good on you.â Tarquin winked at me as we walked down the beach. Breaking the comfortable silence. The red that tinted my cheeks had nothing to do with the fleeting sunlight.Â
âIâm afraid I might become the same color of that crab if I stayed too long,â I joked back.
âYouâd adjust⊠If you ever wanted to, that is.â His tone was light but I could sense the truth behind those words.Â
âYouâd do well to remember not to be fooled by a pretty face.â I returned with that same tone. He shook his head.Â
âI was under the mountain too. Everyone heard the way you would stand up to her. The way you suffered so others wouldnât.â His words startled me. I never acted that way to get attention. I told him as much. âAnd thatâs why I know youâre more than a pretty face. You did all of it without thinking. Regardless of what you might show others, I know you and your brother are good people. The people that refuse to see that are foolsâÂ
I didnât respond. Unable to find the right words. I kept walking, slower than before. The sound of waves crashed over my ears. The white noise comforting. Tarquin was not a bad looking male by a long shot. Even under the mountain he was gorgeous. But even thinking of it, however fleetingly, felt wrong. Some deep part in my chest hurt as I thought of how easy it would be to fall in love with him. My hand drifted subconsciously to rub that sharp sting away.Â
âYouâre kind too. I see it in the way you interact with your people. Very few high lords care about lesser fae, let alone enough to remember their names.â It was his turn to blush, the skin on his cheeks darkening ever so slightly.Â
âI want to be better than those before me. I see no reason to make my people suffer because they weren't lucky enough to be high born.â
âI wouldnât call it lucky.â I muttered mostly to myself.Â
âNeither would I. But to them, to the people that only get to watchâŠâ
âIt all does seem rather glamorous. Just another mask to put on.â I bit my tongue, cursing myself for saying too much. To my surprise, Tarquin only nodded along.Â
âBetter to let them think itâs all parties and banquets. It means weâre doing our jobs well enough.â Once again, silence blanketed itself over us. Both of us were aware that our conversation had drifted to something too real. As I looked out at the ocean and saw the tide starting to swell again, I felt disgust ebb through me. I hoped Feyre had made it out by now. That she had gotten the book. We would be leaving tomorrow regardless. Tarquin must have noticed the look on my face, the pensive far-off look.Â
âAre you sad to be leaving?â Luckily he had misread my emotions. I nodded, not entirely lying to him.
âYour home is beautiful and itâs nice to be given a break from Hewn city. Sometimes when I wake it, itâs hard not to think Iâm stillâŠwith her.â He grabbed my hand in his as I spoke. As I looked into his sea green eyes, I had never felt more disgusted with myself. He was kind and trusting and so naive. It felt too easy. Any other high lord, one that had been around longer, would have never let my brother or Feyre out of their sight. Pretty face or not. But the High Lord in front of me didnât hold an ounce of suspicion for my court. Had told Feyre that much during their trip earlier in the week. It made my stomach twist.Â
âShe left our mark on all of us, itâs our job to make sure someone like her can never have that chance again.â My throat felt tight and I couldn't speak. He was a good male without a doubt. I only hoped he would forgive us for what we had to do, and would be willing to hear us out after all is said and done. Â
AS if the mother herself sensed my words, an alarm rang from within the castle. Tarquin jumped, pulling his hand from mine as a figure appeared next to us. I hoped the sigh of relief wasnât too loud as I saw Rhys. Itâs done. We need to go now. Tarquinâs head was whipping back and forth between his palace and my brother. I knew I would never be able to forget the look of pure disbelief in his eyes as the pieces clicked into place.Â
âIâm so sorry.â I took a step towards him as Rhys wrapped an arm around my waist and the moonlit water of the summer court disappeared around me.Â
My knees gave out as soon as I felt the ground return underneath me. Azriel was at my side instantly, hands quick to wipe the silent tears off of my face. I pushed myself away from him. So disgusted with myself I could hardly breathe. My brother paid no attention to me, instead turning his focus to Feyre. I let out a mix between a sob and a laugh as I saw her pull out the book. Azriel just pulled me back against his chest. And my treacherous body relaxed in his hold. That familiar smell of nighttime and pine and something so Azriel that I couldnât help but calm down. I clung to him tighter as Feyre struggled to open the book. Scared that this had all been for nothing. Then the sick voice echoed through the room. A language I couldnât quite make out but chilled me to my very core. Like the book had been made of nightmares themselves. Even Azriel tensed beside me, wings flaring before I felt them wrap around me. The voice burrowed into my brain sending a fresh wave of tears down my face. Then, just as sudden as it had started it stopped. Feyre held the now opened box in her lap, refusing to look into it.Â
Amren finally looked and pulled away, swearing. She lookedâŠscared. It was a look so out of place on her face that I almost couldnât clock it. But as she looked back at the book I recognized the pure terror flickering behind those quick silver eyes and I wondered out loud what exactly we had gotten ourselves into.Â
I didnât stay to discuss the events at the summer court with the rest of my family. As it was, Azriel had to all but carry me to my room. Maybe I was being dramatic but the last few days mixed with that look from Tarquin had worn heavily on me. Waves of guilt kept roaring through me. Enough so that I simply let Azriel place me onto my bed, feeling too disgusted with myself to be in his presence any longer. He only pressed a light kiss to my forehead before he pulled the curtains shut and left my room.Â
Azriel didnât return until later the next day. When I finally was able to look him in the eyes I saw nothing but concern in those hazel eyes. Concern I didnât deserve or want.Â
âTalk to me.â He pleaded. I shook my head, a small sniffle the only sound I made. Willing the tears away. I didnât even deserve to be crying for myself. He sighed heavily and pulled me into his lap. I was so upset that I didnât even consider the intimate hold. I just curled up tighter into myself and let him rock me back and forth.Â
âIâm a horrible person.â I sobbed into his chest, unable to hold back the tears.Â
âRhys told me everything. Youâre not. They donât know it yet but this could save us all.â I didnât let his words comfort me.Â
âHeâs so kind. It sickens me to think that I might be the reason he stops being kind.â My voice broke. The admission was unbearable.Â
âHeâll deal with it.â I sniffled one more time before I started to calm down.Â
Tarquin did in fact deal with it. In the form of four blood red rubies delivered to Hewn City that morning. I swore when Rhys placed it on my bed. âAzrielâs already sweeping the border, so if you decided to have a melt down on me again, youâll be waiting for a while for someone to comfort you.â Half a tease and half a plea for me to keep it together. I tossed the ruby to the floor, letting it roll under my bed.Â
âYou really know how to comfort a female, Rhys. Itâs a miracle we arenât having to peel Feyre off of you, truly.â I spit at him.Â
âBe angry at me all you want, but get your shit together. Youâve, weâve, done far worse things.â
âTo people that deserved it.â I whispered back. And that was the root of it all. The way we had done unspeakable things to people in the past had never bothered me, because they would have done the same if they got the chance. But sweet, naive TarquinâŠ
âHeâll understand in time.â Was all he offered, and I saw red tinge the edge of my vision.Â
âBut at what cost? Heâs a good ally to have if we come down to war and we very well might have pushed him into Hyberns hands.â
âIf it takes a simple theft for him to go to Hybern then he was never truly an ally.â I wanted to slap the cock-sure look off of my brother's face.Â
âSend in Azriel when he gets back.â Dismissal clear in my tone. Rhys looked at me, but I turned away from him. He said my name softly.Â
âGet.Out.â I gritted out, picking up a pillow to throw at him but when I turned around he was already gone.Â
Azriel did come to my room later in the day, but only long enough to bring me food and say goodbye. He was doing more patrols, checking his network of spies for any word that Summer might be preparing to send soldiers to our doors. He left before I could say anything to him, only leaving a single shadow behind. It stayed near my bed until I ate the food Azriel had brought for me. Then, and only then, did the shadow retreat to the corner of my room, making me feel a little less alone as I drifted off to sleep.Â
It took days for me to finally come out of my room. Nothing compared to the weeks of waiting for the queens to reply to our request. Rhys didnât have to inform me I would not be coming to the meeting and I didn't have it in me to argue with his decision. He would keep an open line to me from the human lands and I would be able to add my two cents if it was needed. But after my reaction to Tarquin, wwe couldnât risk another break down on my end. As much as everyone understood where I was coming from, they knew the role I played weighed heavily on me and if I was to attend the meeting I would need to play my part perfectly. A part I didnât want to play at the moment. That would leave me with Amren, the ancient fae had not let the book out of her sight since it had been given to her. Rhys and I were the only others who had an inkling of how to translate the equally as ancient language, but it took me far more concentration than it took her.Â
She didnât seem to care because no sooner had my family left before she was hauling the book onto the table in my office. The map had been moved to a larger table so she sprawled out sheets of paper with random sentences scribbled onto them, like she was translating faster than she could write them down. I stared at the pages until my eyes began to blur over. Amren shot me a dirty look when I pushed away from the table rubbing my eyes.Â
âWeak.â She muttered to herself and I didnât dignify her taunt with a reply. I had nothing to prove to her, and she very well might be right. I didnât have the same pull to war like she did, planning it was hard enough. Despite how naturally it came to me, I despised the scheming and backstabbing that usually accompanied it. I didnât spare her a glance as I walked out of the room, leaving her to her own devices to try to make sense of the pages of the book.Â
It was around dinner time when everyone appeared in the front room of the house. I could feel the tension radiating off of Rhys and I wondered why he hadnât tried to contact me. Until I followed him into his office and he spun around, looking like he was ready to attack me.Â
âThey want proof that weâre not the court the rumors suggest. They want to see behind the mask.â He spit out, hands lacing into his hair looking like he might pull it from his roots.Â
âWhat are you going to do?â I asked him softly. Taking very slow steps towards him. He growled before he pushed the contents of his desk to the ground. He stood, chest heaving rapidly as he just stared at the floor.Â
âIâm going to show it to them. For the first time since its creation, Iâm going to show someone Velaris.â He sunk into his chair, like his legs would no longer support him. I sensed Cassian and Azriel behind me then. I shot them a look that told them to get out and they left as quickly as they had entered. I walked over to my brother and wrapped my arms around him. The sob he let out shook me to my very core and I could only hold him tighter. NO words of encouragement found their way from my throat.Â
âIâm sorry for judging you so much over the last weeks.â He said once the sobs had stopped echoing around the room.Â
âYou were only trying to-â
âI was only being selfish. You made a hard choice and look at me the moment Iâm presented with one.âÂ
âYouâre allowed to feel things, Rhys.â A conversation we had had far too many times. He shook his head against my shoulder.
âNot if this is what it does to me. Not if it puts my family in danger.â He sounded so broken and exhausted.Â
âYou donât have to do this alone.â My words only made him start sobbing again. And I just held him, not trusting myself to speak as he cried himself out.Â
We didnât speak of the events in his office, that singular moment of weakness from my brother and the others knew better than to ask. The withering glare I had shot Amren when she even attempted to pry served as warning to leave it be. They let it be as the focus quickly turned to the trip to Hewn city. The Veritas orb would be the only way the queens would ever truly believe us.Â
So we all prepared. Dressing in finery like it was no different than our fighting leathers. Because in that wretched court they were synonymous. Lipstick akin to war paint and a lethal smile more than just an expression.
I dug in the back of my closet for the ballgowns I reserved only for these occasions. The one I chose for tonight was made of a fabric so black it looked purple. Cut outs at my waist and a neckline that nearly dipped to my navel. Twin slits up the legs that closed right under my hip bone. I left my hair down as I usually did, pinning it to one side of my head. Slipping in my crown I didnât give myself another glance in the mirror.Â
The dress left no room for weapons anywhere on my body but Azriel would be by my side as we searched for the orb. And hopefully he wouldnât have to even think of using the polished blade that sat on his hip.Â
Mor and I arrived first. Winnowing ahead of the others to announce our arrival. There weren't many preparations to be made, the court never one to stop partying. Only stopping enough to sleep or the occasional formal dinner. So Mor and I waited. And waited. Kier grew ever impatient at the lack of my brother's appearance.Â
âHeâs your high lord, he can come and go whenever he pleases.â My voice the perfect picture of an ice cold princess. Stuck up and full of mirth. He rolled his eyes at me.
âYes of course, I just wish to go back to my own festivities instead of waiting for him to grace us with his presence.âÂ
âYou will wait as long as he sees fit.â I bared my teeth at him and all he did was give me a wicked smile. I fought to keep my face even, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of riling me.Â
Mor was shifting from foot to foot. Looking at her, you would think she was bored, but her tight grip on her arms was the only indication about how uncomfortable she was. Standing in the same room as her father. Neither of them so much as looked at the other.Â
âWhy donât you go check on the others. Make sure they remembered we were coming.â I said to Mor, giving her an excuse to leave if only for a few minutes. She didnât say anything, just gave me a tight nod in appreciation. When she arrived, her face was grim before that mask of indifference snapped back into place. I would have to ask her about it later.Â
I almost sighed in relief when I saw my brother, Feyre in tow behind him, walk through the heavy obsidian doors. Kier had already gone back to the main room, my threatening promise of collecting him when my brother appeared.Â
âWait for the others.â Rhys said to me as he brushed by me, steps not faltering as he walked into the throne room. So I waited for Cassian and Azriel. They arrived a few minutes after Rhys had left the room.Â
âWhat happened?â I hissed at them, seeing their glowing siphons.Â
âAmbush. Weâll tell you more later.â Azriel said in a clipped voice, shadows whipping around his feet. Clearly agitated. I nodded.Â
âYou better.â I answered before we all fell into our positions. Azriel on my right and Cassian on my left, me a few paces in front of them. The three of us walked into the throne room. If it wasnât already silent, the sheer presence of the three of us would have quieted it. As it was, eyes tracked our every move, people all but jumping out of the way of the three of us. Gone were the playful smiles and casual words. Here I was more than just darkness, if Rhys night incarnate and I was something different entirely. The absence of anything, a void. Everyone here had witnessed first hand my powers. The smoke that could incapacitate everyone standing before me, when I had my full powers. Then there was Azriel and Cassian, the wicked spymaster and the bloodthirsty general.Â
A path was cleared for us up to the dias where Rhys was standing. Azriel and Cassian knelt at the foot of the marble steps. I joined my brother on the opposite side as Feyre. A feline smile gracing my features as I looked at the kneeling figures of the court.Â
âHow lovely of you to finally join us.âÂ
âCall it fashionably late.â Rhys chuckled darkly at my response. With that he walked over to his throne. Pulling Feyre onto his lap. I walked a few paces to stand beside him, my usual position as his sister. I was not expected to kneel for him, instead presenting a unified front. The terrifying high lord and his equally powerful sister.Â
I tried to ignore the way Rhys ran his hands all over Feyre. She had already been warned of the role she would have to play while visiting this court. A role she accepted. I admired how bravely she was taking it all. He leaned in to whisper something I tried to tune out. The court is still kneeling, bodies shifting with the strain of the position. As if remembering that they were even there. âGo play.â Was the only acknowledgement he gave them. Dismissing them like they werenât worth his time anymore. The music began after a few moments. People scramble to do something to distract themselves.Â
I walked over to the two warriors as Rhys summoned Kier from his spot near the dias. I fought the urge to hiss at him as he walked by me. I let a small flicker of smoke leak from my hands instead, a threat. He snarled at me and I only let out a low laugh.Â
Azriel was already waiting for me. Ready to surround us in darkness to retrieve the orb. We hung by the edge of the room for a little longer, slipping out seamlessly.Â
I led the way down the twisting hallways to the vaults that lay hidden underneath Kierâs bedchambers. Azriel needed someone from our bloodline to get in that room, the wards being keyed to our family. We didnât run into any guards on the way, the wards making it unnecessary.
We entered the cavernous room and began searching. Azriel sent his shadows off through the various tunnels to search ahead of us. We searched through room after room. Silently cursing my extended family for the sheer amount of things they held onto. Jewels and ancient tomes. Records of every dealing of the court of nightmares. I rolled my eyes at the absurd opulence of it all. Azrielâs shadows whipped back to him, wrapping around his shoulders. No doubt whispering of the orbs wearabouts. He grabbed my hand in his as the shadows slunk back to their previous location. The orb was sitting high on a shelf. Out or reach if it wasnât for Azrielâs wings. He quickly scooped it up and placed it in a bag hidden underneath his leathers.Â
We started the walk back to the throne room. The sound of footsteps alerting us of someone else's, several someones, presence. Without thinking, I pulled Azrielâs face close to mine. Bringing a hand up to his face. His hand went to wrap around my waist at the quick movement.Â
âPlay along.â I whispered to him. I gave a quiet sultry laugh and the footsteps stopped mere feet from us. I jumped back like they had surprised me. Peeling myself off of Azriel. I stepped away, forcing an embarrassed look onto my face.Â
The two males only stared at Azriel and I. Taking note of the secluded spot, the space I had abruptly put between us. Predatory smiles graced their faces.Â
âDonât let us ruin your fun.â One said.
âUnless you would rather us join.â The other added. From the lilt of their voices, I could tell they were drunk. Too drunk to realize exactly who they were speaking to like that. I only made a disgusted sound, pulling Azriel behind me as the sound of their laughter echoed through the hallway behind us.Â
Azriel and I blended seamlessly into the dancing crowd. The music was slightly more refined than earlier. He didnât say anything to me as I pulled his hand into mine and put his other hand on my waist. He slowly let his shoulders relax, leaning into me and his footing became more sure.Â
It didnât take long for me to forget why we were doing this, that we had nearly been caught despite his shadows. As I danced with him, I forgot anything but us existed.
The music flowed through me making me feel light as he spun me around the dance floor. I didnât care about the eyes tracking us across the room. I couldnât focus on anything but the feeling of his hands on my exposed waist. He whispered a joke at something his shadows must have picked up and I threw my head back with laughter. Truthfully I couldnât remember the last time I felt this good. My mind fully focused on Azriel.Â
I prayed to the mother he couldnât feel the goosebumps that had risen along my skin against his touch.Â
He dipped me low and I felt my breath stop. His face an inch from mine. It would be so easy to close that distance and feel his lips against mine. Every part of my brain was screaming at me to do it. His shadows raced around us like they could hear my thoughts. My traitorous body locked up when all I wanted to do was pull him to me. He took in the tension in my body and started to pull away. Panicking at the thought of losing his body heat against mine, I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him back down to me, right as he started to stand me up. I bit back a moan as I felt the plush of his lips collide with mine.Â
It was clumsy and rushed but I sucked down breaths full of him, hand still locked on his neck. His hands tightened their hold against me and he groaned my name before he pushed me away.Â
âIâm sorry. IâŠâ all the joy had leached out of me as I took in his face. He looked disgusted and before I could say anything else he was weaving through the crowd, leaving me alone on the dance floor.Â
My mind was reeling. Lips still tingling in the aftermath. I had dreamed of that kiss for centuries but never could have predicted his reaction. The tears were streaking down my face before I quickly wiped them away, pushing my way through moving bodies. I needed to get out of this room, get out of this stupid dress that had suddenly become too tight to breathe.Â
Before I could rip it off in the middle of the throne room, Rhys caught my elbow and was pulling me down to a quiet hallway. I haven't even realized he had left his throne.Â
âWhat happened? Are you hurt?â I couldnât answer with anything other than a sob. He took me into his arms and my skin crawled at the contact. I shrugged out of his hold and could only get out one word. âMor.â I said her name like the lifeline it was. I saw the conflict in Rhysâ eyes. The need to make me feel better and not leave me alone. But as another sob passed my lips he was all but running away to grab the female I had requested.Â
I was hiccuping between sobs by the time Mor arrived. Rhys nowhere in sight, probably returning back to that cruel High Lord facade. I donât think I could have gotten the words out of what had happened if he was still standing beside me. I choked out the words to her. Recounting what happened and Azrielâs less than enthusiastic reaction. Mor was well aware of my feelings and her eyes shone with sympathy. She held me as I cried it out, tears soaking the fabric on her shoulder. Her hold on me helped to ground me and eventually my tears calmed. I gave her the tightest squeeze I could manage and she held me at arms length, examining my face. Her thumbs came up to wipe under my eyes, coming away with streaks of my makeup sticking to them. My own hands brushed along my face and a sigh of relief followed as I noticed my makeup hadn't smudged too much. No one would be able to know the mess a single kiss had just reduced me to.Â
Taking Mors outstretched hand, she pulled me back into the main ballroom, music filling my ears again. The tempo had picked up more turning into something I might hear at Ritaâs and definitely something you couldnât waltz to. Couples had retreated to the sides as the dance floor became a breathing pulse instead of the graceful swell of movement it had been earlier. The pairs that had remained grinding against each other. Mor snagged two flukes of champagne as she pulled us deeper into the dance floor. I knocked mine back as quickly as I could and resolved to block out all the thoughts that were racing around in my head. So I danced with Mor until my brow was covered in sweat, my skin glistening at the rising temperature of the entire room. We ignored all the disgruntled looks aimed our way. Not caring if they heard our laughter for once.Â
We both laughed as we found our way to the edge of the crowd again, grabbing more champagne. We both hung back catching our breath together and I let out a heavy sigh as I emptied the glass. I spotted the shadows from across the room and all but slammed the glass onto the table behind me.Â
âIâm leaving.â Was all I said to Mor as I stalked away. She didnât try to stop me, only grabbed my arm to winnow me back to Velaris. She didnât linger. Returning just as swiftly as we had arrived.Â
I just made it back to my room before the tears started anew. Ripping the pins out of my hair and peeling the beautiful dress off my shaking frame, I didnât make it to my bed before I sunk down to my feet. Pulling my knees close to my chest I let the tears come.Â
He was allowed to not return my feelings but in those moments on the dance floor that kiss had felt so real. The way I effortlessly fit against him or the laughter that flowed freely from me. It all felt so right and to see that look on his face. It broke some part of me I had been holding onto for so long now. That small dream that he could for some reason ever return my sentiments. That he would ever see me as anything as Rhysâ sister.Â
I eventually was able to pull myself into bed and curl myself into a ball. Tears lulling me off to sleep. I must have dreamt that night because I swore I felt those familiar shadows glide over my skin but by the time I opened my eyes they were gone.Â
I managed to pull myself out of bed the next morning. Pushing the stinging rejection to some deep part of me. Thereâs a war at our doorsteps and youâre crying over a kiss. I reminded myself to stop being so pathetic as I walked down the stairs to the kitchen. I was the last to arrive apparently.Â
âYou disappeared rather quickly last night.â Cassian said to me, tone teasing but laced with questions.Â
âWe got the orb, and I no longer wanted to be there.â I shrugged. Pointedly ignoring the gaze of the shadowslinger I could feel burning a hole in the side of my head. I didnât talk to him all morning, suddenly finding someone calling my name when he tried to speak to me. It was childish, sure, but I didnât have it in me to discuss it without breaking down in front of him. As it was, I could barely make eye contact with him. My lips tingled every time I look at him. A feeling that I imagine must be similar to being struck by lighting erupted over my skin. I couldnât be in the same room as him. Lucky for me, Rhys had called me into his study to go over the events of last night. What that would mean for our upcoming trip to the queens.
I was so out of it that I didnât even notice that Rhys had stopped talking.Â
âWhat happened to you last night?â Rhys asked in a soft voice. I shook my head. If I started talking about it I wouldnât be able to stop. Rhys would know everything.
âWerenât you just the one telling me you donât have to do this by yourself. Gods just let me help you.âÂ
âYou canât fix this, Rhys.â
âWhy not?â
âAzriel kissed me.â He tensed at my rushed words.Â
âDid he hurt you?â His voice was cold as death. I shook my head.
âNot the way you mean.â He tapped his hand impatiently against his desk, waiting for more of an explanation. So I sighed and told him everything.Â
âHow long have you been in love with him?â He asked when I finally finished my story.Â
âIâm not-â His pointed stare made me wither. âOnly a few years after you became high lord.â I admitted. He had the audacity to laugh.Â
âCassian and I called it.â I gaped at him.
âNot out loud or anything but we always assumed.âÂ
âThatâs all you have to say about this?â
âYouâre an adult. Heâs an adult.âÂ
âSo you have no idea why he reacted that way.â He looked sheepish at my question. Hands going to pick at an invisible piece of lint. âRhysand.â He flinched as I said his full name.Â
âNo. I have no idea.â He threw his hands up in the air before he said âHave you tried, I donât know, talking to him yourself?â
It was my turn to look sheepish.Â
âThat explains why youâve been avoiding him all morning then.â A smile playing at the edge of his lips.
âAnd Iâm sure you were whispering all about the mating bond in Feyreâs ear last night?â I returned.Â
âTouche.âÂ
âWho would have guessed, the two scariest fae in all of Pyrthian and we run with our tails between our legs at the thought of a romantic relationship.âÂ
âPathetic truly.â
âIf only they could see us now.â I joked back.Â
I felt better after my talk with Rhys, lighter even. It was nice to have him know even if it meant I would have to endure his teasing at times. Azriel said nothing about my change in mood as I finally acknowledged him, Rhys making a lewd gesture behind the spymaster. I fought to keep my laugh down. Azriel looked behind his shoulder to find a perfectly still Rhys, his head turned back to me and then to Rhys again, like he might catch him if he moved fast enough.Â
âWe should-â He started before I held up a hand.
âNot necessary. I got the message loud and clear.â He deflated ever so slightly at my words and didnât say anything else. So I carried on about my day as usual, until it was time to get dressed for tonight.
The gown I wore tonight was vastly different from the one I wore to Hewn city. This was a silver, tiered dress. Ruffles formed to look like butterfly wings and encrusted with gems on the edges. The neckline was far more modest than my other dress, swooping gently right under my collar bone. I couldnât help but twirl in the mirror. Giggling at the rainbows the clear gems threw across the ceiling. It truly was a gorgeous dress. One I had custom made from one of the shops in Velaris.Â
I didnât wait for any of the others to join me. I had gotten ready at the house of wind so I could join the festivities the moment I was ready. Too excited to waste one minute with Mor fussing about her hair. I stood on the balcony, eyes already searching for those little flickers of starlight.Â
âYou look beautiful.â A voice behind me said, making me jump. I haven't heard Azriel approaching behind me. He stood beside me by the railing, leaning on his elbows. It was peaceful, standing next to him with the wind brushing against my skin. The events from last night eddying out of my mind with him so close to me.Â
âI missed this.â I nearly whispered to him. Looking out at the lights of the city I loved. Hearing the laughs and joyous shouts of everyone above us. It was all too much and not enough, the thought of it bringing happy tears to my eyes. Tears that I felt scared hands wipe away before I could. âIâm sorry. I just⊠I never thought I would see this again.â His eyes filled with a deep sadness. Before he could open his mouth to speak again, Mor called my name. Rushing over she put a glass of champagne in my hand, pulling me upstairs with the other. Azriel trailed behind us.Â
I looked over my shoulder and gave him a soft smile that he returned. Cassian was waiting for all of us, talking to some pretty female that was batting her eyelashes at him. He didnât give her a second glance when he spotted us approaching, the female calling his name as he retreated from her side. I could have laughed at the look she gave all of us but I didnât have time to think about it as Cassian swept me into a bone-crushing hug.Â
âLook at you all dolled up, princess.â Cassian said as he held me at arms length.Â
âCouldnât have you upstage meâ I winked at him which only made him throw his head back with laughter. I joined in and felt a weight uncurl from my shoulders.Â
âCome on.â Mor said as the music started to pick up. The telltale sign that the best part was just ahead. My eyes searched the crowd for my brother. I wanted to share this moment with him. I caught the outline of wings on the balcony above us. Tucked away enough that I really had to search for him. I saw the sparkle of Feyreâs dress and a warm smile plastered itself to my face. His arm was wrapped around her waist. I looked away, giving them their privacy.Â
No sooner had I looked back to the sky did I see the faint trails of light beginning to fill it. First one, then a few more, then the sky was full of the brightly colored trails. Bits of stardust landed in the river below us, covering the surface with their glittering color. Mor grabbed my hand, pulling me into a uneleagant dance. Cassian and Azriel joined in a few moments later. The four of us not caring about the moves we made, simply soaking up each other's company. Azriel wrapped an arm around my waist, pulling me close to his side and I felt my heart skip a beat. Mind instantly going back to our dance at the court of nightmares. He shot me an almost apologetic smile that told me he was thinking the same thing. I shrugged at him. Nothing to apologize for. He kissed me and I kissed him back. Simple as that. It didnât have to mean anything, nothing more than the heat of the moment decision. As much as it hadnât been that for me, as much as it stung to know thatâs all he saw it as.
 Shaking the thoughts away, I grabbed his arm and swayed gently to the beat. Cassian and Mor devolved into a dance that was more jumping than dancing. They wrapped their arms around each other howling with laughter.Â
I felt the glittering substance hit my arm. Looking down to inspect it, I noticed Azrielâs wings sporting their own splatters. It took every ounce of brain power I possessed not to reach up and brush it off of those beautiful wings. Instead I dipped a finger through the dust on my arm and wiped a streak over Azrielâs cheek. He stared at me in disbelief before a booming laugh left him. The sound warmed my heart. He laughed like this so rarely, truly carefree. It seemed so natural to lean in and rest my head against his chest. His arms wrapped around me as we just stood in each other's embrace. I tilted my head up so I could see his hazel eyes already looking down at me.
âAzriel IâŠâ
He let me go when Mor cried out my name, cutting off my words.
âYouâre not nearly drunk enough.â She said pulling my arm to the table holding the full glasses. I turned to look at Azriel but he seemed to have disappeared already. His shadow trailing across my shoulder being the only indicator he had even been there.Â
Mor and I stayed on the rooftop until the sun started peaking over the horizon. Coloring the Sidra a beautiful pink and orange. Sighing heavily as the lingering effects of the alcohol had started to wear off finally, leaving nothing but exhaustion in their wake. Mor simply grabbed my arm and winnowed us back to the house.Â
Cassian and Azriel were asleep on the couches. A bottle of whiskey sitting empty on the table between them. They wouldnât wake up until later in the afternoon. I threw blankets over both of them and started heading to my own room. I didnât stay up long enough to bathe nor did I peel myself out of my dress. Suddenly too exhausted to even keep my eyes open.Â
I woke up sometime in the late afternoon. Rhys all but pulled me out of bed.
âWe're leaving soon.â That woke me up. With a curse I stumbled over myself to get to the bathing room. I took a hasty bath, washing away the remaining stardust that was stuck to my skin. I braided my hair and dressed in my Illyrian leather. Daggers slid into their place on my thigh. I strapped my sword to my back and was down to meet the others in less than thirty minutes. Rhys gave me an approving nod.Â
Going to Windhaven never got any easier. I had no love for my old home. It was only a blessing from the cauldron that I haven't been born with wings. The cruelty I faced growing up was enough. The shudder that racked through me had nothing to do with the cold.Â
I ignored the sneers from passing by males. Azriel and Cassian tight by my side serving as a buffer for the nasty comments that were usually thrown my way. Feyre was silent beside me, taking in the sights around her.Â
We walked until Lord Devlon walked in front of us. A brutish male that was one of the few people in this world I can say I truly hated. Mor snarled at the mention of the girls they were supposed to be training.Â
âAnd why arenât the males helping them with the chores?â I dared to ask him. He looked at me like I was no more than a speck of dirt on his leathers.Â
Before Devlon could grace me with a response Rhys cut him off. The demanding voice of a high lord telling him to clear out our old house. The tone even Devlon couldnât argue with.Â
Rhys, Feyre and I stood in the clearing. Time and time again she reached her power out, getting stronger each time. I practiced along with her. She stood in awe of the mist that poured out of my hands, getting thicker each time until it hugged the ground like fog.Â
âWhen did you meet Tamlin?â Feyre asked after a string of questions about Illyria. Rhys and I both stiffened. The mist instantly retreated back into my hands.Â
âShow me something impressive and Iâll tell you.â She rolled her eyes but did it anyway. Holding out her hand she conjured a butterfly out of the water in the snow. It was very impressive.Â
âIâve known Tamlin since he was young. The more decent children of the high lords at the time. Definitely better than Berons bunch.â He almost shivered and I willed the earth to swallow me whole. âAnd significantly better than his brothers, who knew from the moment Tamlin was born he would be high lord. He was the lesser of the evils so I decided it would be better if we were friends⊠I donât know why but I even taught him some illyrian techniques.âÂ
âDid anyone know?â He shook his head. I blanched at the thought of how angry our father would have been had he known about Rhys and Tamlinâs friendship. Rhys looked to me, knowing the next part of the story was mine to tell. I just nodded at him, giving him permission to say the words I couldnât.Â
âWhen my father got wind of our friendship⊠for lack of a better term. He decided it was time for the two courts to align themselves more. And thatâs where this gets even more complicated.â He trailed off, once again looking at me.Â
âWhy?â Feyre pressed on and I wish she hadnât , wish she would have let it go at that.Â
âBecause the only way to join the courts in any way my father deemed worthy was to marry them together. Literally.â Feyreâs eyes went wide and her gaze landed on me. I couldnât meet her eyes. Shame rising up, tightening my throat. Rhys continued.Â
âWe all saw the power that Tamlin had, the power that marked him as the next High Lord of spring. And without any sisters for me to get paired off to, that left one option.â He shrugged over at me.Â
âWhat happened? I mean, Iâm assuming you neverâŠnever went through with it.â I took a deep breath, willing my voice to work.Â
âI moved to the spring court, I tried to fight it but my father would absolutely not hear it. Every plea fell on deaf ears. So I went because I had to,â my hands were shaking as I pulled up the memories. âIt wasnât so bad. Tamlin was different back then, sweeter, less guarded. At least when he wasnât around his father. We became friends over time. But the closer we grew, the more protective he got over me.â She nodded, understanding the feeling. âEventually it became a little more. He fell faster than I did, I never really saw him as more than a close friend but we were supposed to be married so I played along. Wishing every day that I could return his sentiments. Calanmi came that next year and he sought me out.â She paled at my words, her hand rubbing absentmindedly at her neck. I quickly added. âIt wasnât horrific by any stretch of the imagination. If I had said no, regardless of the magic, he wouldnât have done it. Would have stopped. But that was when everything shifted for him. I couldnât go out to the gardens without having his sentinels on my tail. Was damn near confined to only the house. Lucien wasnât around as much then, still fairly new to the court. And of course, his father was watching our every move. Gauging the relationship as it progressed. Watched as I withered away under Tamlinâs overbearing protection.â I couldnât stop the words as they flowed out of my mouth.Â
âI pushed back as much as I could. I was constantly sneaking out which only made him more overbearing. We fought more than we didnât. Both of us said and did horrible things to each other. I knew I couldnât live like that forever. Couldnât continue to suffer just because my father had some grand plan.â I finally met Feyreâs eyes and I almost flinched at the understanding in them. Of course she would get it. Her own experience was not too different from mine. She nodded at me, a sign to keep going.Â
âSo I started planning how to get back home. I couldnât just winnow away in the dead of night. I knew he would come looking for me. I knew he wouldnât let me go that easily. I had to break whatever love he thought he held for me, I had to make him let me go willingly. It wasnât peaceful by any means. I went too far one day in an argument and for the first time ever he lost control.â I pulled up the arm to my jacket, letting the glamor fall away on the three angry claw marks that I never let heal. A reminder of just how destructive both of our tempers had gotten.Â
âWhy do you seem so calm about this, why didnât you let me knowâŠI would have-â Her skin was rippling with darkness. Fire flickering from her palms.Â
âWould have what, Feyre? You were willing to die for him. I couldnât take that away from you. I wanted to believe he could change, that he would be better to you. But that is simply how he loves.â I took a steading breath. âI said we both did some terrible things to each other and I stand by that. Heâs a villain in my story as much as I am in his.âÂ
âWe simply didnât want to think we were trying to turn you against himâ Rhys echoed.Â
Rhys reached for her as she was already walking towards him. My ears barely picked up the whispered words.Â
âI want to paint you.â
âNude would be bestâ I rolled my eyes as Rhys reached to winnow me with them.Â
I was able to catch up with Mor and Cassian as they surveyed the newest girls in training. Most of them were too scared to even pick up a sword, their eyes not moving from worriedly staring at Cassian. Signing, I stepped up in front of him.Â
âMagic or no magic?â He asked, raising a challenging eyebrow to me.Â
âMagic.â That gave him full permission to use his siphons. That was one department where I needed the practice as much as he did. I tried to pull all my focus on that kernel inside me. The smoke curled out from me before it retreated the moment I moved towards Cassian.
âTry harder.â He growled at me. And I did. Iâd been able to coat the ground in the black fog. Cassian stepping to avoid it, but it followed him like a serpent. Twisting and curling around him. It was easier this time. More like trying to pull it through murky water as opposed to a brick wall. Something had changed since this afternoon. It was easier to hold onto it, and didn't leave me as breathless as before. It took a few more tries but I was even able to move around, the fog still staying on the ground. When we were done, I noticed Mor was coaching three of the girls who had been brave enough to pick up swords. I smiled at Cassian as we both watched her. It wasnât much but it was progress. Slow progress but a start.Â
All of us sat around the fire that night. Gathering as close as we could, trying to gain any sort of warmth from it. Feyre looked like her hands might just fall off, not built for or used to the frigid temperatures the night brought with it. We sat absently chatting as we all ate. Mor was going to Hewn city in the morning and Azriel had already left to scout out the human lands. I wasnât happy with the idea of him going alone but he waved off my concern, promising me he would be safe. Mor, true to her word, left before the sun had even risen the next morning. Grumbling my good bye to her through sleep filled eyes.Â
Rhys had convinced me to train with him and Feyre again. Impressed by the progress both of us had made so far. Feyre and I traveled further back into the clearing, putting space between her and my brother. I didnât ever ask him what exactly had happened during starfall but the tension between the two was palpable and I didnât blame her for needing space. As much as I hated being away from Azriel, the distance was nice. I felt like I was suddenly unable to think clearly around the shadowslinger. Thoughts more often than not drifting towards the memory of his lips on mine, his hands around my waist.Â
A voice I recognized called out Feyreâs name. And to my horror it was not my brother but Lucien standing in the middle of the clearing.Â
I stood by, ready to use my powers at the first sign from Feyre. Lucien and the wraiths at his side had yet to notice me.Â
I hung onto every word of their exchange. Someone tipped us off that you had been here. Rage boiled my blood. Devlon no doubt being that someone. I took a step forward as Feyre stepped back.Â
âTamlin hasnât been himself. Weâll take you back-
âTouch her and I kill you.â There was no warmth in my voice for my old friend. Lucien spun around so he was facing me. Giving Feyre time to put space between the two of them. He stared at me, mouth gaping. Smoke was already swirling around my feet. It would take nothing for me to reach out and get Feyre out of here. But this was her battle to fight. I wouldnât make that choice for her. I felt my self control start to slip as he opened his mouth again.
âOf course. What poison have you been spewing into her ears?â He spit at me.Â
âDonât make this about me.â I spit back so harsh, he flinched. A twig snapping had Lucien whipping back to face Feyre.Â
âLetâs go home.â He said as he reached out a hand. I reached for my dagger, wondering if I would be fast enough to sever it from his body if he reached any closer for her.Â
âThat stopped being my home the moment you let him lock me away inside.â She spoke, quiet as death. He at least had the decency to look ashamed.Â
âHe made a mistake. Heâs sorry, weâre both sorry.â I couldnât help the scoff that left my mouth. He only ripped his gaze on her away for a second.Â
âAll this time and you canât come up with better excuses, Lucien?â I goaded him, âWill he change? Will he be better if she just gives him time?â I felt the fog thin out by my feet. I didnât pay it any mind.Â
I lunged forward the same time Lucien did. A shout leaving my mouth. But his hands found nothing. Feyre was now standing behind him with Rhys at her side. I didnât let myself relax.Â
âDidnât your mother tell you what the word no means?â Lucien did nothing by spit at my brother's feet. But it was that one word from his mouth.Whoring prick. That had me lunging for him. A firm arm across my chest from Rhys was the only thing holding me back.Â
âYou made your point Feyre-now come home.â He reached his hand out again but feyre only stepped back.Â
âYou gave up on me.â The way she spoke those words hit me like a punch in the gut. Lucienâs eyes flickered over to me. No doubt remembering me saying similar things. I was suddenly very far away until I saw those beautiful IIlryian wings peek over her shoulder. Lucien to his credit did not fall as he stumbled back.Â
âWhat did they do to you?â Horror laced his words. Good.Â
âTell Tamlin I wonât be coming back. That if he sends anyone for me, Iâll show him exactly what we do to those who wander into our court.â I felt no sympathy at the hurt that washed over Lucien's face.Â
âYouâre dead. You and everyone in your court.â He was gone before I had the chance to lunge at him.Â
âScheming prick. Stupid, overconfident bastard.â I kept shouting, kicking the snow around me. I had half a mind to go track him down at the spring court and finish the job I should have done a long time ago. It wasnât truly Lucien I was mad at, no he was simply the messenger. Once again trying to clean up Tamlins messes. It was either that or have no court to call home. Anger flared through me at the thought. How Tamlin took advantage of Lucienâs situation and turned him into nothing more than a mindless crony. I didnât pay attention to the words Rhys and Feyre spoke around me. Didnât even notice Cassian flying in beside me until he gave my arm a small shake. I ripped it out of his hold without even thinking, letting loose a snarl. He spoke my name, reminding me of where exactly I was.
âYouâre all safe. Come back with me.â He said, moving closer to me again. I felt the tears already sliding down my face as he scooped me into his arms.Â
I hardly moved for the rest of the night. The shivers that ran through me had nothing to do with the cold. Azriel was still hunting for lingering signs of Lucien or the spring court so that left Cassian to deal with me. Something he was not known to be the best at, despite his best efforts.Â
I sat with him until Mor came to collect us both, whatever business she had in Hewn city officially ended.Â
She sat with me all night. Both of us curled up against each other as we slept.Â
Rhys and Feyre were supposed to be back later in the day so we all waited around for them. Hour after hour past and not a word from them. Azriel had left once again when we told him as much. He returned an hour later.Â
âNothing?â I asked him. He slammed his sword down on the table.Â
âNot a damn thing.â He huffed, storming to one of the rooms in the back of the house.Â
It was almost nightfall and I had been pacing back and forth across the living room of the small house when I heard a noise from outside. All of us were on our feet, rushing outside before we could think better of it.Â
The sigh of relief that left me quickly turned into a gasp as I saw Rhys fall to his knees. Cassian and Azriel were on their side of him instantly. Feyre was still standing, in perfect shape actually. Good enough that she was able to march right past me and into the house. The two Illyrian warriors all but dragged Rhys into the house before leaving to go collect Majda. Feyre or Mor were nowhere to be seen.
Rhysâ eyes opened slightly and he only called out Feyreâs name. I shushed him, dabbing a wet washcloth over his head, he was burning hot. Majda came and confirmed what I already knew. Poison. Faebane.Â
âHeâs healing so heâll need to just sleep it off,â she rose from beside his bed. âHis mate's blood very well might have saved his life. Heâll recover in a day or two.â Her words caught me off guard. His mate. If Feyre knew her blood could heal himâŠShit. Casssian and Azriel must have made the connection at the same time I did because when we heard Mor enter the house again, we all ran to find her in the living room.Â
We pulled out a bottle of good wine as she confirmed what we had already thought. Feyre knew, no she doesnât seem happy. No I wonât tell you idiots where she is. Of course, we could find her on our own if need be but it was the idea behind it. Mor only shared the more intimate details with me. Shooing the males out of the room. âGo take care of Rhys if you care that much. Heâll tell you himself.â They both stomped off in a way that reminded me of toddlers, walking into Rhys room. Mor rushed the words out. Feyre was fine overall, just pissed at him at all of us for keeping something this big a secret. I didnât blame her one bit but it still stung a little that she was mad at all of us. Did she know how much we had been begging Rhys to tell her?Â
Rhys woke up in the middle of the next day. He winced as I slammed the door
âHow did she find out?âÂ
âHello to you too. No, how nice to see you Rhysand, Iâm glad youâre not dead.â
âHow did she find out?â I asked again. He sat up a little more, wincing slightly
âShe trapped the Suriel.â I balked at him. âIt seems itâs not the first time she's done it either.âÂ
Feyre had trapped the Suriel⊠that could mean. I didnât want to get my hopes up but I was already on my feet.Â
âWhere are you going?âÂ
âStay out of it, Rhys.â I closed the door a little softer. It took me practically getting on my knees, begging, to convince Mor to take me to the house she tucked Feyre away in. She only agreed when I promised I wouldnât mention my brother. She needed to bring Feyre more food anyways.
I stood outside the door, feeling very stupid as I held a basket full of food for her.âIf youâre asking me to forgive him, youâre barking up the wrong tree.â Feyre had only opened the door an inch
âI need you to tell me how to catch the Suriel.â She opened the door wider
âWhy do you want to know?â She motioned me into the house and I looked around wildly. The smell of fresh paint lingered in the air and covered her skin.Â
âI have something I need to ask. Please. I know you donât owe me anything, especially right now. But please.âÂ
I stood in the middle of a clearing, new cloak in hand. My hands had frozen on the walk over but I had to talk to the Suriel. I knew it was around here, if it had talked to Feyre only the night before. The snare I made was sloppy at best. But I prayed to the mother it would work.Â
The scream that echoed through the clearing had me running towards the sound, crossing my fingers.Â
It had indeed worked. The Suriel had my velvet cloak in its hands.It thrashed violently as I approached, suddenly;y going still as it sensed my presence.Â
â Let me down before I gut you.âÂ
âI have a question first.â Hollow eyes looked at me, pinning me in place.Â
âYou seek answers about your curse?âÂ
âHow do I get rid of it?âÂ
âYou already know how. The very thing that the wicked queen knew you would never do.â
âStop the games. Tell me.â I was shouting, hands shaking.Â
âForgiveness. Forgive the one you hate the most.â
I flinched like the Suriel had burned me. The words swam around my head. I vaguely realized I was shaking my head.Â
âThat canât be it.â I pleaded.Â
âI am many things, but a liar is not one of them.â I felt the angry tears starting to trail down my face. âNow let me go. I only have so much patience for meddling fae today.â I pulled out one of my jeweled daggers, slicing the rope that held the Surielâs ankle. As the figure retreated, I sank down to my knees. Forgive the one you hate the most.Â
It was a rare occurance to be summoned to her private chambers. Attors on either side of me, ready to strike at the first sign of push back. They unceremoniously threw me into the center of the room, pushing me to my knees in front of the red headed female.Â
âLeave us.â She said in a voice that turned my stomach. I dared to raise my eyes off the ground. Rhys was perched in a soft looking chaise, he didnât hold my eyes for long. The Attors shuffled out of the room but I knew they lingered in the hallway.Â
âI hear youâve been causing trouble again, princess.â It was all I could do not to flinch at the way she said that name. The name my family had called me for centuries. A defiled, twisted rendition of the sign of my family's love. âWell, I have a surprise for you.â Her voice dripped with a wicked delight. From somewhere in the room a noise drew my attention. I completely froze as I saw Tamlin being led out in chains. Even Rhys momentarily broke his mask to glare at him. Amarantha smiled at me as she walked over to him. She squeezed his cheeks in an overly familiar way. âDoesnât he look good like this?â She laughs at my lack of response, pushing him away from her. He didnât try to hide his stumble. âNo groveling at his feet then? No apologies for the mess you got him into?âÂ
âThatâs no-â An invisible hand around my throat cut off the words. Rhysâ eyes flickered to mine, an apology lingering in his violet stare.Â
âDid I say you could speak?â She released her magic and I nearly fell to the ground, sucking in painful gulps of air. She stalked towards me, stopping inches from me. Her hand went out to cup under my chin, forcing me to look her in the eye. âMaybe if you hadn't broken his heart, he would have accepted my offer the first time.â I bared my teeth at her and she gave a sharp cold laugh.Â
âOh, this is going to be so much fun. Are you sure thereâs no kind words for our little High Lord over here?â I just held her gaze. Not wavering as I saw the fury in my lack of response, my lack of fighting. âPity. Whereâs that sharp tongue of yours now?â She pushed me, I landed on my back. I didnât even cry out, too familiar with this treatment from her.Â
âYouâve made your point.â Rhys said in a bored voice from his seated position. She only gave him a low growl.Â
âYouâre no fun.â She cooed at Rhys. The same voice you would use on a babe. Despite my best efforts, trails of black smoke so thick it looked like ink left my fingers. Another invisible force collided with my body and my power retreated back to me, my chest feeling like someone had poured ice water into my veins. Before I could even attempt to try again, she lifted me onto my feet by my hair. âAs much as Iâd love to see you try, Iâm bored with you already.â She yanked my head back before releasing her hold on me. âTamlin, any words of goodbye?â Forest green eyes met mine. After all that I endured in this hell, I had never felt as small as I did now. That simple glare, so full of hatred, reducing me to that same afraid girl I had once been. Tamlin didnât speak. Neither did I.Â
âShame. Youâll wish you would have said something soon enough.â I didnât have time to think over her words as the cold hands of the Attor wrapped around my arm, hauling me back to my room. Didnât make the connection between that slam in my chest with the trickle of power that I was left with.Â
It was right there. Amarantha was never one to just give you information. Just like that riddle that had saved us all. Everything had been a game to her, why would this have been any different? But there had to be another way. Thinking back to my encounter with Lucien recently, there was no way in hell I was forgiving any of them any time soon. I would talk to Helion. Go by myself if need be. Because it was going to be a cold day in Hel before I ever forgive Tamlin.Â
I called out for Rhys. For anyone to come and get me. It was at least a day's journey on foot back to the boundary line outside of Windhaven. I sat by and no one came after me. I reached deep within myself and imagined the space I wanted to go to. I didnât even make it half way before I popped back into the cold clearing, panting. I tried again and it was like I was reaching through brick again. My powers boarded up behind walls I could not break through. I kicked at the snow, cursing. I tried one last time, crying out when nothing happened. So I began to walk back, hoping when I got close enough Rhys would hear me screaming for him in my head. It wasnât Rhys that came to get me. Instead, Mor appeared beside me.Â
âWhere have you been?â She said when she spied me, half frozen from the wind.Â
âLater.â Was all I could get out, I was bone tired.Â
âYou all really need to get your shit together.â She grumbled under her breath as she winnowed us back to the house. Donât I know it.
Rhys had gone to apologize to Feyre, and had not been back since. We could only hope that meant all was well, or that she had at least hid the body herself.Â
Rhys and Feyre returned the next day. They didnât even attempt to hide the smell of the bond, and as happy as I was for my brother I gave him a wide berth. Cassian on the other hand only saw the tension in Rhys shoulders, the way his eyes were drifting between Feyre and every other movement around him.Â
âAnytime you want a real ride, Feyre, let me know.â As if his words werenât enough, the wink he sent Feyre had Rhys lunging for him. I had to quickly side step out of the way to avoid being hit by flailing wings. Ushering Feyre into the house I muttered loud enough for her to hear, âBig Illyrian babies.âÂ
They fought for an hour and despite being covered in blood, Feyre sent Rhys a look that the rest of us could not run away from fast enough. Mor winnowed the two of us to the house of wind. Azriel was already there, wings tucked in tight as he looked out the large window overlooking Velaris. I snuck up behind him, a rare achievement to make the spymaster jump when I placed a hand on his shoulder. The others slowly trickled into the room as we all waited for Feyre and Rhys to join us.Â
The sun was just starting to touch the water when we heard them enter. One by one we stood in front of Feyre before giving a low bow, hands on our hearts in an ancient gesture of respect. One she had more than earned. I couldnât help but smile at my brother's joy, it radiated off of him in waves so strong I swore I could reach out and grab them. The joy of finally having Feyre by his side. Rhysâ eyes followed my hand as I rubbed a small circle into my chest, separate from the sign we had given Feyre. The tension eased slightly. Rhys quickly looked away before I could ask him why he was staring so intently on me.Â
The human world was just as I remembered it. Despite seeing it less than a month ago, I still gawked as we approached Feyreâs family home. I knew she never lived in this particular estate but the idea that Tamlin made this possible for them thawed my heart just a fraction. Forgive the one you hate the most. I haven't gotten the chance to talk to my brother, or anyone, about what Suriel had told me. Everyone too caught up in Rhys and the Queens we were sitting in front of.Â
I sat in stunned silence at the vipers in crowns in front of us. The queens I had met before would laugh if they heard these were their predecessors.Â
Mor opened the box in front of her and I had to sit on my hands to stop the urge to knock it out of her hands and destroy the orb. Azrielâs hand on my shoulder did nothing to calm the storm brewing inside of me. We all took a collective breath as the bright lights of Velaris filled the orb.
âThis is Velaris,â My brother started and I felt his heart shatter in front of me. âFor five thousand years, we have kept it a secret from outsiders. This is what I have fought so hard to protect. The cruelty you believe I possess to protect this city, my people. Dreamers and creators and good people with families. People that have never known strife or violence. All of what I have gone through over the centuries was to protect them.â I couldnât stop the sniffle that left me and I desperately tried to blink back the tears rimming in my eyes.Â
âWe will..consider this information.â Mor snarled beside me. I felt like the eldest queen had punched me in the stomach. I went to stand but Nesta beat me to it.Â
âGive.Them.The.Bookâ I didnât discount the single tear streaking down her own face.Â
âNo.â A word so final I couldnât breathe.Â
âWe appreciate the gesture of your trust.â But I could not look away from the way Cassian stood next to Nesta. The calm he emitted from standing so close to her. When I looked back the queens were gone.Â
I looked to my brother, head reeling at the events that had just happened. We fulfilled our end of the bargain. Screaming, manipulative-
In Rhysâ hand sat a box, a box not unlike the one Feyre had struggled to open when we returned from the summer court. A surprised noise left my mouth and Azriel tightened his hand on my shoulder, rubbing small comforting circles.Â
Nesta and Elain chose to stay in the mortal lands. The sisters are staying in their family home. The last thing I heard before we left was Nesta whispering to Feyre. Thatâs why you painted stars on your drawer.Â
There was no celebration when we arrived back in Velaris. No sense of triumph as we handed the book to Amren. We had gotten what we needed but at what cost. To Rhys, to my family, it had cost everything. All that he suffered during the war, from my father, from the Illyrian soldiers that looked down on him so much. All that he suffered under the mountain, from Amarantha, all the horrible things we had done together. All of it was sacrificed to the wicked queens who still did not know we possessed the book. Queens who would gladly sit back and watch Prythian and their world be destroyed.Â
Rhys and Mor went to the Court of Nightmares the next morning, to return what we had stolen before Kier noticed. Azriel and Cassian pulled me into my study to go over the map, planning for the inevitable war. We added more pins to the maps, adjusting the Illryians to their new location scattered across the mountain ranges. Added the black pins for the warriors we prayed Kier would grant us. I donât know how long we stayed in that room, Cassian and Azriel periodically doing a lap of the house and its perimeter to watch for anyone who would want to hurt Feyre. Overgrown guard dogs. But I found that even I was keeping a more watchful ear out for any sign of trouble, a light cover of fog I kept over my hands like gloves, ready to attack at a moment's notice.Â
The next day, Azriel pulled me from the map to accompany him on patrol. Leaving Cassian the great pleasure of entertaining Feyre until Rhysâ return later today. The city held an eerie silence today despite the citizens going about their usual routines. It wasnât much later than that thought crossed my mind that I felt the ground beneath my feet quake. My head whipped to Azriel who had gone as still as a statue, his shadows scattering out from him searching for the source of the sound.Â
âAzriel?â I questioned, looking around the area for any threat. And then I followed his eye line. Eyes turned to the once clear midafternoon sky, now tinged in clouds of darkness. They were moving far too fast to be only storm clouds.Â
âGet Amren and Cassian, nowâ I choked out. Azrielâs arms were around me instantly, taking off into the sky. Feyre and Cassian had gone to the amphitheater on the other side of the city, hopefully they werenât far from there. A red light filled the sky, a homing beacon to where we would find Cassian. Quake after quake filled the ground as those creatures tore through the shield around the city. They reverberated through the air, Azriel only held onto me tighter. Â
Cassian was shooting through the sky and I felt the ground beneath my feet. Azriel stayed long enough to hear me cry out to him, âBe safe.â He was gone. And I was running towards the direction I had seen Cassian fly in from. Screaming filled the air and I reached for the sword on my back, daggers left forgotten on my hip. I gave tentative push of my power and could have cried in relief at the cloud that pushed out from me, however thin it was. I pulled my earlier thought from my mind, the twinge of something I felt as I had looked at Feyreâs home in the human lands, the physical proof of Tamlin taking care of them, I focused all my spare energy onto that single kindness and I watched the fog grow thicker, curling around me in a way that was so familiar.
 I clutched at that feeling as I heard the screams around me grow louder. I could not run fast enough to stop the swarm of Attor like creatures that flooded the streets. I thought of Elainâs sweet face and Nestas beautiful dresses and willed my power to wrap around the creatures in front of me. If they could see me, they didnât let it show. The only sign I had that my power had worked against them was the choked screams they let out. My sword tinged with their blood as I ran it clean through them. I pulled that black smoke into me, panting as I forced my legs to run ever faster. Reaching out for something deeper, I visualized the next swarm of them I could see and I felt the familiar pressure as I appeared in the middle of them. Shooting my power out with a force I didnât recognize, I made quick work of them. They didnât even get the chance to scream this time. I couldnât focus on the blood that now stained my blade and face. Could only think of the distance between me and the bright pops of red and blue in the sky, the water I could hear roaring just ahead of me. If I had looked up I would have seen the pack of water wolves Feyre was using to chase them from the city streets and back into the air.Â
The tremble that took my feet out from under me was one that did not scare me. Rhys had arrived and his rage took out half of their forces. His power filled the air with a metallic scent and I did my best not to think about what the dusting of red was as it covered my skin. A second roar, far stronger than the first one spurred me on. I did not fear the darkness that slipped over my eyes, those stars and nothing short of pure night. When I could finally make out shapes again, I saw the outline of wings, not those gnarled and bony wings of the creatures attacking us, but Illyiran wings, claws fully extended. I didnât think as I barreled towards the shape. Didnât think as I launched myself into Azrielâs chest. His arms came to wrap around my waist, pulling me so tight to him I struggled to breath but I couldnât find it in myself to care. I gulped down whatever breath I could, filling my lungs with the scent of him. Heart hammering in time with his own wild heartbeat. The screaming had stopped, leaving only a horrifying silence in their wake. I did not let go of Azriel as he winnowed us back to the townhouse.Â
All of us were sitting in the living room of the house in various states of disarray. Morâs hair was caked with dirt and flecks of blood, her eyes starting to flutter shut. Feyre was curled up next to her also looking like she was ready to fall asleep any moment.Â
I could see the gears in Cassian's head spinning. The general already thinking about what this means for the greater battles ahead. Obviously, the queens had sold us out to Hybern. Our home had been used as a bargaining chip and it had bit us in the ass.Â
My eyes flickered over to Rhys and I could tell his thoughts were in a similar spot. It wasnât your fault. I said into his head. He flinched, a disgusted look replacing the grief for a brief second. I told them where the city was, I gave them the information freely and for the first time in centuries an outsider knows about the city and then we get attacked. How is that not my fault sister? It was my turn to flinch. With Rhys in his current mood, there was no point in trying to argue back. So I finally closed my eyes and tuned out the conversation between Cassian and Rhys. I didnât have the energy to talk about Hybern right now. The throbbing headache behind my temples let me know just how much magic I had used today and let me know how much I needed to start hunting for ways to break this curse.
At some point Azriel had stretched out next to me on the couch, my back to his side. Half asleep, I turned to face him and just grabbed his arm. Curling around him as best as I could in our current position. Someone in the room chuckled as I settled down once again. I donât know how much time passed as they all just sat and talked. I drifted in and out of sleep but couldnât piece anything coherent together. At some point I felt Cassian standing over me.Â
âCome on letâs get you to bed.â His voice held more humor than I would expect from him after today. My eyes didnât even open before I said.Â
âMove me from here and you will lose that hand.â I snuggled closer into Azriel to prove my point. The male by my side laughed a stiff laugh but wrapped his arm around me tighter. I was too tired to care about the content purr that left my chest at the motion. Too tired to care that he scooped me up in his arms and carried me all the way to my room. And definitely too tired to hear the three words he whispered to me as he closed my door.
Taglist: @nickishadow139 @tothestarsandwhateverend @quinzzelx @durgenyx @i-am-infinite @mariahoedt @acourtofbatboydreams @starswholistenanddreamsanswered @nocasdatsgay
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
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basicallyheres the thing. i dont rly want to be immortal like me currently i probably wouldnt rly enjoy that. howeverrr if i got time travelled back to like the beginning of life on earth and was immortal i think i would have a good time bc im a curious girl. even just back to the birth of humanity or civilization... i just wannasee i wouldnt even do anything crazy with my immortality id just like. take a lot of notes abt everything
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i definitely share the problem many people have of whats in my head vastly outpacing what ive actually written, but i sort of have the opposite problem with other parts of the creative process bc the thing is when i do actually write its never so much bc i sit down to write, more like the ideas that have been pressurizing finally burst forth in a chaotic torrent that drags me into a fuguelike state where there is nothing but feverishly getting the words out with minimal mind to editing or organization and eventually after at least several hours i surface and find myself with like 8k new words of writing to sort through, and hope the spell is broken rather than being only a brief window of lucidity bc it wont properly be done for the next couple days actually, which is what happens sometimes
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[ giggle ] sender starts tickling and kissing the receiver all over in order to make them laugh
DIFFERENT KINDS OF KISSES: ACCEPTING
II @vxctorx
"Vic, c'mon, I'm bein' serious this time, stop messin' 'round. Ye' need to let me go. Ye' can't keep me in bed forever," tut Richard, his hands captured and pinned beside his head by the blonde's strong grasp. "Don't think yer' gonna win this round, Trevor," continued the Scotsman, narrowing his eyes and dramatically pouting at the other in mock rebellion. "I know all of yer' persuasive ways and they aren't gonna work on me this time. I have learned to be not so easily swayed by yer' charms."
With Richard's hands still pinned against the mattress, he watched as Vic drew his head low before feeling his familiar lips stamp soft and slow kisses upon his bare middle. Richard tilted his chin up, schooling the other a pursed and fiercely determined glance until eventually the corners of his lips began to curl into an inadvertent smile. Vic's lips began to pick up with fervor and speed. Soon Richard felt himself squirm below Vic's hips, biting his lower lip in a poor attempt to stifle back a giggle. Eventually, Vic's sensual kisses evolved into a storm of feathery smooches, nibbles, and quick raspberries. It was once the blonde's nimble fingers joined in the mix that the dam of laughter finally crumbled. "Noooo! Viiiic! Ye' meanie!" Richard whined through golden, boyish laughter, his pinned figure continuing to wriggle beneath the young gentleman's sturdy figure.
At some point, Richard managed to catch hold of Vic's wrists only to learn the hard way that Victor Trevor didn't need curious fingers to grant him the privilege of Richard's laughter.-- A small breath was drawn out of the Scotsman's lungs when he felt Vic's body even more firmly press his against the bed. "Oof! Vic! Wha' are ye'-... Nooo! Don't ye' dare!" Suddenly, Richard let out a ticklish squeal as Vic's wandering lips began feast all over Richard's throat and the crook of his neck with quickened nips and kisses as if ebbing his own yearning appetite; all the while the tips of his index fingers traced against the Scotsman's bare sides. Only Victor Trevor had the ability to make the likes of Richard Mayhew crumble with just the work of two fingers. At that point Richard had completely given up with trying to squirm away and gave into his giggly fate.
"A'righ'! A'righ'! I give! Ye' win! I giiiive!" he snorted. Finally, the ticklish kisses stopped. Richard felt Vic's cheeky, wandering lips capture his own, residual giggles pouring into them. "Yer' not only a brute, but a cheater too," smirked Richard. "And y'know tha' this just means I'm gonna get ye' back for this in the near future, righ'?"
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can you write miles 42 having readers bank account, card ALL that on his phone and gets mad if she purchases shi with money he didint give her. its really crazy but its miles 42....what do you expect??? hehe
Sure love!!!
A/n: yâall I love you so much but I need you guys to start requesting regular miles fanfic pls. Although 42 miles owns my đ©·
It was just a simple necklace. It was the Vivienne Westwood necklace that you saw everyone around you wearing and wanted so badly. You knew Miles would get it for you in a heartbeat but a part of you wanted to get it for yourself. It had been a long, stressful semester but you struggled through it all and got to a point where ou were passing with Aâs and Bâs. Coincidentally, you had gotten a job at Starbucks after months of applying and you had about $1000 saved up of your own money that you were waiting to spend on something special. That was, until that âsomething specialâ came along in the form of Miles.
You never knew what he did but you knew he was making 8x your salary in a month. It seemed like anything you wanted, you got when you were with Miles; shoes, clothes, books, makeup any and everything you wanted, it was yours in a matter of days. Itâs worth mentioning that Miles is extremely overprotective and wants to know everything about what youâre doing and buying because he loves you and cares about your habits.
Even on Milesâs birthday when you dipped into your savings to get him the latest Jordanâs, he was furious that you had to use your own money:
âDamn Ma, these are valid. How much were they?â
âOh donât worry about itâ you said
âI said, how much were they.â His eyes narrowing in on you because he knew how much they were because he was gonna buy them 2 weeks ago but decided not to.
â$500. Iâve been saving for them for you, baby. Itâs all goodâ you tried to assure him
âAight. thank you.â He said, pulling you close to him, the scent of the Dior Sauvage cologne you also bought him, filling your nostrils
But deep down you knew he was pissed off and mad that you spent your own money, so after a long talk about how he should be able to keep tabs on you and keep you safe, you gave him your Apple Pay and banking info for emergencies only but of course itâs Miles and being the overprotective boyfriend he is, he checks it everyday for any âextravagant purchasesâ made by you or someone else.
Of course he isnât crazy, he set a $25 limit for you before he steps in and asks whatâs up. Once, you were at a mall with your friend and found the cutest shirt at Urban Outfitters and decided to buy it. The price tag read $50 but you went ahead and got it; the same happened at Bath and Body Works and Tillyâs and as you made your way to the bathroom, you got a text from Miles:
Miles: did someone take your card?
You: no why??
Miles: whyâd you spend $150 in an hour??
You: Iâm at the mall
Miles: so? I pay for your shit
You: dawg itâs $150. Itâs not that deep đ
Miles: I ainât yo âdawgâ and yes it is when Yk I buy you shit
You: you arenât my sugar daddy
Miles: I basically am atp. Iâm sending you $1000, buy something cute
You contemplated leaving him on seen but you remembered how he hates that so you replied:
You: Okay
You had saved up enough to get the necklace and when you got it, you were ecstatic. You thought about all of the possible outfit combos and how good it will look against your brown skin but your thoughts were interrupted by a certain someone:
Miles: whatâd I tell you, Mami?
You: ?
Miles: donât play dumb, yk I wouldâve bought you that necklace in a heartbeat but instead you wanted to be miss independent and buy it yourself. I guess since youâre so independent, Iâll stop sending you that $1000 every week. How about that?
You: ok
Miles: ?
You: we can discuss this when I get home
Miles: K
You: k
It was a long ride home but eventually you accepted that Miles was gonna rip your head off and there wasnât anything you could do about it.
When you got home, he had three of the necklaces, two huge teddy bears, a bouquet of your favorite flowers and the newest pair of Jordanâs waiting for you:
âWhatâs all this?â You smiled and asked
âI told you Iâll pay for your shit, y/nâ miles said, with a small smirk on his face
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kiwi and layla - sjy
pairing. jake x fem!reader
synopsis. in which you mistake jakeâs backpack for your own, making you each go home with the otherâs bag. both of you are too curious for your own good, so you quickly find out that you excel in the subject the other is failing - a mutual tutoring agreement ensues, and it turns into much more than what you had expected.
genre. high school au, f2l, lots of fluff and some angst too, f2l, shy reader x outgoing jake
warnings. food & swearing, mention of parent death and divorce, kms jokes, jake being stupid but also really cute (lmk if i've missed any!)
word count. 26.3k
a/n. this is part of the unexpected collab !!! go check out the other fics and caelin thank u for hosting <333 hope u guys like this one, it took me a while but i had so so much fun writing it !!! i love my jakey in here he's a little bit confused but he's got the spirit. @zreamy thanks for being the world's awesomest beta reader and a decent friend ig... 2 baddies wouldnt be the same without you... lifeguard wet body sunghoon coming soon guys dont miss it! as always pls remember how important reblogs and feedback is for us writers!!! it's what keeps us going <3 enjoy!!
listen to the playlist!
This was not your backpack.Â
In your defense, it looked so similar to yours - scratch that, it was the exact same as yours - that you couldnât possibly have been able to tell the difference between the two bags until youâd opened one of them. Just a basic black Eastpak that probably a hundred other kids in your school owned with nothing to tell them apart, because you hadnât had the mind to add a little something to it and make it recognizable. You hadnât really needed to - your backpack was always on your back, next to your seat or in your locker. There was no way you might lose it or mistake it with another.
Until today, obviously. Instead of having a chill last class before spring break like every other teacher, your psycho math teacher Mr Choi had decided to give you a major test on this otherwise beautiful Friday afternoon. While other students watched a movie or played Kahoot, you were stuck in a cold classroom with algebra questions in front of you. Mr Choi had argued that this would be better than having a test after the holidays and ruining your time off with studying, but a test was a test, and math was math, so you hated the idea anyway.Â
To eliminate all cheating possibilities, Mr Choi made his students only take a pencil and eraser with them, leave their bag at the back of the classroom and put their phone in a box he kept on his desk. Plus, with his hawk eyes watching intently, there was no way to sneak answers on a small sheet of paper or even on your palm.Â
When the test was over, your brain was so fried and you were so eager to get the hell out of there that you didnât even notice the two identical black backpacks next to each other, you just grabbed the first one you saw, not even questioning that it might not be yours.
And indeed, yours it was not. From your snooping around, you quickly found out it belonged to one Jake Sim.Â
You knew Jake. Although youâd been attending the same school for the past three years, you could probably count the number of times youâd talked on one hand - but you knew him. Or at least, you knew of him. You knew that he was good at STEM subjects and that he was on the soccer team; you knew he was a really sweet guy and was easy to talk to, even for someone shy like you.Â
Most importantly, you knew he was friends with Park Sunghoon. This was important because you had liked Park Sunghoon since the moment youâd laid eyes on him - or rather, your whole friend group had. It mightâve sounded extremely odd to others, but you and your friends had a few random people at school you liked to keep tabs on or create backstories for, and Sunghoon, because of his dashing looks that had struck all four of you in your first week of freshman year, was one of your victims. Well, you liked to think of them as characters on a TV show rather than victims, but to each his own. Your other characters included that popular sophomore who already considered herself a celebrity because of her ten thousand followers on TikTok anyway, the French and Spanish teachers you were sure had a thing going on, and that one guy in Yenaâs biology class that only showed up every two weeks but always looked stoned (hat guy, Chaewon liked to call him, even youâd never once seen him with a hat on). It was all harmless, really - none of you ever actually went up and talked to them, just discussed them among yourselves.
Perhaps Sunghoon was different, because each of you had had a class with him at some point, so youâd all had at least shared a word with him. You probably hadnât talked to him more times than youâd talked to Jake, so the information you knew about him was pretty surface-level - he was an ice skater, but everyone knew that, and he was shy like you, which was immediately noticeable. He also had one of the most handsome faces youâd ever seen. But again, everyone who saw him knew that.
You, Yena and Chaewon had debated whether one of you should just go ahead and make a move (Hyewon didnât participate because she already had a boyfriend, but she was all for approaching the boy). You guessed you could describe what you felt towards Sunghoon as a sort of crush, even if it was one you shared with your friends - you found him cute, and you got nervous when he was around. But you were more the watch-from-afar-and-pine type, so you were satisfied with liking him from a distance. You didnât think you actually had the guts to strike a conversation with him - that was more Chaewonâs thing.
However, this didnât mean you werenât curious about the contents of his best friendâs backpack. Your being shy didnât mean you werenât interested in other peopleâs lives - if anything, you were quite nosy. Curiosity may have killed the cat, but you were just a regular teenage girl, so this was fine, right? After just a few minutes of snooping, you found out Jake Sim wasnât hiding any big state secrets in his Eastpak, anyway. Just some textbooks, notebooks, and a lot of single sheets of paper. It was pretty messy in there.Â
Your idea of him being good at STEM subjects was correct - he kept all of his graded tests in the sleeve pocket of his math notebook, and there was not a single one that had received a note under 95. He even seemed to be doing some extracurricular exercises - there were formulae that were completely unfamiliar to you and that you were sure you hadnât done in class. You found it slightly insane, but that might have just been because you despised math and wouldnât understand why someone would want to do more of it than was required of them.Â
His English homework was another story. His essays had more red from the teacherâs pen than his own black ink, and from the grades on his reading comprehension tests, you highly doubted heâd actually read any of the assigned books. You werenât in the same English class but apparently had the same teacher, Ms Park, so you were studying the same thing. You couldnât help but cringe as you read his answers on a Pride and Prejudice reading test - he seemingly kept mixing the sisters up, assigning actions and character traits to Lydia that clearly belonged to Jane. At least he somewhat got Darcy right, writing that âheâs probably not as bad as he looks,â with no further explanation.Â
As you aimlessly flipped through his English notebook, curious about the way he took his notes - or if he even took any - you noticed some scribbles in the margins. Looking closer, some of them were in his handwriting while others were in an unfamiliar one. It looked like some sort of conversation, so you assumed the other writing belonged to his deskmate. You also did this with your friends in classes where the teacher was very strict about no chatting in class.
dude coach said if I fail any of my classes I would be out of the team, you read Jakeâs handwriting.
Wait seriously????
yeah and I suck at english so Im scared it might actually happen
You just need to study more bro
bro I DO but this shit is hard
Then find someone to help you
neither of you guys is that good in that subject either tho
Ok ouch but also just find someone else then
bro who
IDK manÂ
Y/N maybe ? sheâs good at English and sheâs nice so she might say yesÂ
there you go about y/n again dude MAYBE you ask HER to teach you some sonnets
Shut up youâre the one who needs help dumbass
whatever isnât it weird just asking her randomly though like i dont want her to feel like she has to say yes
Lol if she sees your grades she might do it out of pity
fuck u man
You were surprised to see your own name written there - it felt weird knowing that Jake and his friend were talking about you, for some reason. And what if that friend was Sunghoon? You had a hard time believing he not only knew you existed, but thought of you as good at English and nice. You liked to think both of these things were true.Â
He was also spot-on about saying you would agree to helping out Jake in those subjects, but what he got wrong was thinking youâd do it out of pity. Clearly, you and Jake were in very similar positions. You didnât have any sort of club youâd be kicked out of if you failed a class, but it sure as hell wouldnât look good on your college applications, so you needed to get your math grades up.Â
Jake and you both desperately needed something the other person could help with, so you had a feeling he wouldnât turn down the offer that was brewing in your head.
â
This was not Jakeâs backpack.
He noticed it right away - it was much heavier than his own and the straps were tighter around his shoulders than they should be. He looked inside for some clues about who it might belong to, and luckily, the first thing he found was a journal that had Y/NâS DIARY written on the cover page in big, pink letters.Â
Unluckily, however, heâd also noticed that you had practically sprinted out of the classroom as soon as the bell rang, and indeed, you were already far gone when he tried looking for you around school. He had to get to soccer practice anyway, so he put the issue to the side for the time being.
When he got home, he had to shower then have dinner, so it wasnât until 8 p.m. that he remembered he had your backpack. He had meant to text you straightaway about it, and he knew it was wrong to look into someoneâs belongings, but he couldnât help himself, especially when his best friend Sunghoon had liked you for ages. Maybe this was an opportunity to find out more about you.
Your mind-blowing grades in English donât come as much of a surprise to him, and after reading through your most recent essay, he thought you definitely deserved them. Your essay was on a Shakespeare play he had never heard of - you apparently also had Ms Park for English, and he didnât know she was doing Shakespeare in class, so he wondered for a second if you were actually crazy enough to read another book and study it. As if 300 pages of Jane Austen werenât enough as it was.Â
What shocked him were your math grades. It was like looking into a fucked-up mirror: while you excelled at English, you sucked at math; while he excelled at math, he sucked at English. You were just as close to failing your math class as he was at failing English.
Now that he thought about it, maybe Sunghoonâs idea hadnât been so dumb - you could help him out, and he had an actual argument as to why you should, rather than just using pity on you.
As he put your stuff back in your bag, he was reminded of something - your diary. For some reason, the pretty floral pattern on the cover made him feel even worse for opening the journal in the first place, but he did it anyway. Either youâd only just picked up the habit of writing in a diary or you had finished your previous one recently, but this one seemed pretty new, as only about ten pages had been filled with your neat handwriting. Judging from the dates at the top of almost every page, you wrote in there everyday, and Jake only felt even worse that you hadnât been able to write in it that day.
Still, he flicked to the first page and started reading. And he read and read, unable to take his eyes away from your diary. He thought he wouldnât have cared much and a page would have satisfied his curiosity, but the way you wrote about the people around you and about yourself fascinated him. Basic high school things like friend drama and annoying teachers actually became interesting through your words. You didnât use particularly complicated sentences or unheard-of words, on the contrary, you used simple language, and that spoke a lot more to Jake than any of the classics heâd attempted to read for class.Â
And then, he saw an all too familiar name in an entry dated from just a few days ago.Â
I sat next to Sunghoon today. It was during physics and both of our desk partners were absent, so Mrs Kim made me change seats. She always does this, and I used to wonder whether she hated to see an empty seat or to see a student sitting on their own, but whatever the reason, today, I was just happy about it. This isnât our first time sitting next to each other in class, but I was still nervous, since I wasnât expecting it. I hope he couldnât feel the awkwardness practically oozing off of me or the way I very obviously struggled with the exercises (obviously, anything to do with math is not my forte). We shared my textbook because heâd forgotten his, and he showed me his notes when he saw I couldnât keep up with Mrs Kim as she told us what to write down. We only exchanged a few words but I was satisfied when class was over. Itâs odd, because youâd think someone would want to talk to the person they like and get to know them more, but I donât feel that with Sunghoon. Maybe itâs because weâre both so introverted, and he seems to have just as hard a time as I do starting conversations, so Iâve sort of accepted our silent fate. Iâm fine just continuing to steal glances at him from across the cafeteria.Â
After that, there were a few more pages of writing up until yesterday's entry, but it was the only mention of Sunghoon. Jake had apparently been wrong to think that a girlâs diary would be full of rantings about her crush and things along the lines of âomg, he looked at me todayâ.Â
But you had very clearly referred to Sunghoon as the person you liked, and Jake wasnât going to let that go so easily. This was precious information that he held in his hands now, so he had to figure out how to deal with it properly for your sake as well as his friendâs.
Turns out there was more he could help you with than just algebra.
â
Seeing Jake Sim in a setting other than school was slightly odd, if you were being completely honest.Â
You had just been about to text him about the backpack mix-up when youâd received a message from the man himself, asking if you could meet up the next day to exchange them. In response, youâd asked where you should meet, thinking heâd offer either his house or yours, or some halfway point between them, but he surprised you by proposing some cafĂ© in the center of town. They have good hot chocolate there, heâd said, and that had been enough to convince you.Â
And also I have something I want to talk to you about.Â
Your stomach had turned at this message - what on Earth could Jake Sim need to discuss with you had been your first thought, and then you realized you also had plans you wanted to share with him. So his idea of going to a café was actually good for you, too.
Youâd only been waiting for about five minutes when he appeared at the cafĂ©, red and panting from seemingly sprinting to his destination.Â
âY/N, Iâm sooo sorry,â he immediately said when he saw you waiting. âI was planning to be early, but when I got on the bus I realized I literally forgot your bag, so I had to go back but the next bus wasnât for another twenty minutes so I just ran the whole way here, and now Iâm all sweaty, and Iâm late, and Iâm really sorry.â
Heâd rushed through his sentence and was breathing heavily as he looked at you expectantly, waiting for your answer. He seemed so genuinely sorry for such a small thing that after your surprise faded, you started laughing. It was his turn to be surprised, and he immediately stopped talking at the sound of your soft giggles.
âItâs okay, Jake. I havenât even been waiting five minutes,â you explained, smiling. âLetâs just go in, yeah?â
Jakeâs heart did something weird just then, and the feeling was so unfamiliar and confusing that he decided to promptly ignore it. As if in a daze, he stood still for a couple of seconds until the sound of a bell ringing, the one the cafĂ© had on its doors to signify the entrance or exit of a customer, snapped him out of it. He followed you into the shop, let you order and pay for you both (âIâm the one who took the wrong bag, itâs the least I can do,â youâd said) and sat across from you at a booth in the back.
You gave each other your respective bags back, then started chatting as you sipped on your hot chocolates (Jake had been right - they really were delicious). He was surprisingly easy to talk to, and whether he sensed you were a reserved person or was just naturally talkative, you liked that he both managed to do most of the talking and ask you loads of questions at once. Usually, you wouldnât have really cared to listen to someone go on and on about their passion for soccer and the recent game that their team had won, but for some reason, you were hooked on Jakeâs every word. The way his eyes widened in excitement as he recounted the winning goal he scored, the way the volume of his voice decreased as he filled you in on the team gossip even though no one was listening to your conversation, the way his grin turned into a proud smirk as he mentioned his coach congratulating him - every single one of his actions had you mesmerized. Youâd never seen anyone so expressive in their speech, never seen anyone punctuate every sentence with a movement or a facial expression. It was just fun, listening to him.
Even when he didnât talk, he stayed expressive. He asked you whether you did anything outside of school, and he listened intently as you told him about the theater group youâre in, humming and nodding and laughing at all the right moments. Usually, you wouldnât have talked about it for more than thirty seconds, afraid to bore others with unnecessary details, but Jakeâs reactions and the questions he asked made you actually feel listened to and like what you were talking about was interesting. So you grew more confident and told him what you loved about acting and about theater, about your own gossip (the arrogant actress who got the lead role and thought she was better than everyone else, that one guy who was clearly flirting with three girls at the same time), and you almost couldnât believe Jake seemed so entertained by your stories.Â
âSo, you said your group focused on more classic plays, right? Does that mean youâre good at English Lit?â
With his spoon, Jake scooped some whipped cream into his mouth, hoping he was appearing as nonchalant as he was trying to be. He had to make you think heâd deduced that just now and not because he had been snooping through your backpack just the night prior.Â
You, however, could not have cared less how heâd figured it out - you were just grateful he had segued into this topic of school and grades, because youâd been wanting to bring it up yourself but had no idea how.
âUm, yeah, actually, itâs my best subject. Math, on the other handâŠâ
You chuckled as his eyes widened and he leaned in across the table, pointing his spoon at you as he spoke. âSee, thatâs interesting, because math is my best subject, but I suck at English Lit.â
âOh, really?â you asked, trying to sound genuinely surprised even though this piece of information was not at all new to you.
âYeah,â he said, looking back down at his almost-finished drink with a small smile on his face.
âYou know-â
âYou know-â
You and Jake had spoken at the same time, and your eyes locked for a second before you started laughing. You gestured at him to go on first.
âI actually need pretty urgent help in English. Coach said heâll put us out of the team if we fail even just one of our courses, and Iâm very close to failing that class.â He took a moment to let out a sigh. âSo, if you want, we could help each other out. Me with math, and you with English.âÂ
His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and he bit his lip as he looked at you expectantly. You thought he looked far too nervous for such a simple request, expression more like a boy whoâd just asked his crush to the prom rather than offering mutual help you both desperately needed. You couldnât help the smile that grew on your lips - you had never known Jake Sim to be so⊠cute. But he was waiting for an answer, so you pushed the thought out of your head.
âThatâs a great idea, actually,â you replied, as if you hadnât had the exact same idea. You were just relieved you hadnât even had to bring it up yourself. âI also really canât afford to fail math. It would look terrible on college applications.â
Jake let out a long, loud exhale. âGod, yeah, college, I hadnât even thought of that. Even more motivation to get better grades now,â he said with a chuckle.
You chuckled along, then cleared your throat and sat up straighter. You watched with amusement as Jake mirrored your actions and even the fake serious frown in your brows. You presented your hand for him to shake, which he did without hesitation.
âSo itâs a deal then. Weâll tutor each other until weâve gotten our grades up.â
âDeal,â he replied. As you both withdrew your hands, he dropped his serious facade and burst into giggles, a sound you hadnât expected from the boy but somehow fit him well. You watched his face closely for a second, noticing the curl of his lips and the crinkle at the corner of his eyes, before breaking into laughter yourself.
You stayed in the cafĂ© for another half hour, going over details of where and when youâd meet, of what exactly you needed help with (âEverything,â youâd said, to which Jake had replied âSameâ), and just talked some more.
âIâm taking the 53 that way,â Jake said when you exited the cafĂ©, pointing towards the bus stop.
âOh, so am I!â you exclaimed.
âSeriously?! Whatâs your stop?â
And thatâs how you and Jake figured out you only lived two bus stops away from each other.Â
âThatâs so cool! Itâll make it easy to meet up then,â he said, and you hummed in agreement. After a pause, he added: âBut if we live so close to each other, how come we didnât go to the same schools earlier? Arenât you usually supposed to go to the one in your district?â
âI used to live in another part of town,â you explained. âThen my parents divorced when I was in middle school, and I stayed with my dad because he lived closer to the school I was at, but I moved to my momâs place for high school.â
ââCause she lives closer?â
âYeah, basically.â There was more to it, but you didnât think Jake would be particularly interested in your parental issues - although you surprised yourself for even considering telling him. If Jake sensed that you werenât saying everything, he didnât push, just swiftly changed the topic as you waited for the bus to come.
When you got home some time later, the first thing you did was open your diary and start writing. It had felt wrong not to write in it even just for a day, so it was a relief to feel the pages between your fingers and the familiar scent of the paper and your perfumed pen. You wrote without thinking too much, simply letting all of your musings out into your diary and freely brushing the tip of your pen across the pages.Â
You didnât ever reread your entries right after writing them, but if you had that day, you might have noticed all you could write about was the boy youâd drank a hot chocolate with.
â
Spring break week passed by far too quickly, and it was on the first Monday back at school that you and Jake met again. He had soccer practice on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays, while you had theater rehearsals on Thursdays and Saturdays, so youâd agreed to meet up every Monday and Wednesday after school. Since his mother worked as the school nurse, she drove him to and from school everyday - so on Monday, you met Jake in front of the nurseâs station, waiting for his mom to wrap things up before she drove you both to their home.
You had been surprised to learn that the kind nurse that never asked too many questions and always let students take a nap if they didnât feel well was Jakeâs mom, but upon reflection, it made sense. Once you knew, it was almost obvious that she had raised him - they shared the same friendliness, the same comforting smile and the same ability to make conversation. The whole ride home, she asked you about yourself and thanked you for agreeing to tutor âour little Jakey,â because âGod knows he needs the help.âÂ
You couldnât help but laugh when a blush crept on Jakeâs face and he looked out the passenger seat window with an embarrassed frown, muttering something like âThanks a lot, Mom.â
She noticed his reaction and laughed along with you. âIâm just saying, Jakey-poo. Itâs good to know to ask for help when you need it,â she cooed, reaching a hand out to ruffle his hair. This only made Jake groan loudly and hide his face in his hands. You didnât know Jake very well, but this flustered, red-faced side of him was definitely one you liked seeing.
The first thing that greeted you when you reached Jakeâs house was a happy welcome home bark.
âYou have a dog?!â you exclaimed, unable to reel your excitement in.
âYeah! This is Layla,â Jake said, giving energetic rubs to the Border Collie that made her whole body shake side-to-side but that she seemed to thoroughly enjoy.Â
âHi, Layla,â you cooed, crouching down to her level to let her sniff you. She decided you were a person worthy of petting her. âSheâs so cute!â
âI think she likes you,â Jake said, a grin on his face, as he watched Layla presenting her belly to you and asking for scratches there. âDo you have a dog?â
âWe have a Corgi at home. And a cat, too.â
âThat must be fun,â Jake chuckled. âDo they get along?â
âDepends. They have a bit of a love-hate relationship.â You looked up at Jake, and it was uncharacteristically quiet as you locked eyes for a couple of seconds. You both looked away at the same time, surprised by the sudden eye contact.
You gave Layla one last rub and lifted yourself up. âUm, should we get started?âÂ
Jake paused for a second as if heâd forgotten what you were here for in the first place, then started nodding his head quickly. âRight, yeah. Letâs go to my room. Downstairs is just one big room and my mom will probably watch TV or make dinner or something, so it might be distractingâŠâ he explained, lightly scratching the back of his neck. It seemed like he was embarrassed to be bringing you to his room, which you couldnât help but find endearing.
âOkay, sounds good,â you said with a smile, hoping itâll reassure him.
You followed him up to his room, ignoring his complaints as you lingered on the framed photos on the wall next to the stairs and giggled at his baby pictures.Â
âDo not look at those,â he said with a warning tone that didnât scare you in the slightest. When you didnât listen, he grabbed your hand that had been pointing at a photo of baby Jake in the bathtub and forced you to keep walking.
âWhy?â you asked, a slight whine to your voice.
ââCause itâs embarrassing! I was an ugly baby.â
âWhat?! You were so cute!â
âWhatever. Iâd rather study English than talk about this, and thatâs saying something.â
When you looked at Jake, you were surprised to find that he actually seemed upset about this. You werenât sure what was so wrong with looking at his baby pictures, but the last thing you wanted to do was make him mad, so you stayed quiet and continued your way to his room. Once there, although you were infinitely curious about all the posters, pictures, figurines, trophies, and other small tokens of Jakeâs life, you didnât ask him about any of them, just sat next to him at his desk and opened The Picture of Dorian Grey, the book you had both been studying in Ms Parkâs class.
Youâd agreed on spending forty-five minutes on English, have a small break, then spend forty-five minutes on Math. It wasnât a lot, but you both had other homework and things outside of school you needed to do, so youâd decided to start out that way and see if it worked out.
You were glad to see how seriously Jake was taking this - he listened intently to what you said and asked questions when he didnât understand something. You quickly figured out that what he didnât like about English Literature was that the answers werenât as straightforward or as logical as they were in math, and even worse, that multiple answers were possible depending on the readerâs interpretation.Â
âIt just all feels like a guessing game,â he said, resting the side of his head on one of his palms. âHow am I supposed to know what this dude meant? And if it can be analyzed in different ways, how can Ms Park tell me the way I understand it is wrong?â
âItâs all about the way you justify it,â you explained. âYou canât just say whatever. Ms Park will look out for how you use the text to support your answers.â You then went on to pick out a specific part of the book, asking Jake to analyze Dorianâs mindset in that scene.Â
âHe sounds like heâs going insane,â Jake said flatly when he was done reading, getting a chuckle out of you.
âExactly. How do you know that?â
âI donât know, just the words he uses,â Jake replies, shrugging.
âOkay, underline those words,â you instructed gently. Jake sighed, but he complied.
âThere.âÂ
âGood. What can you say about those words?â When Jake just looked at you like a lost puppy, you reformulated your question. âWhat do they have in common? What type of words are they? Are they common nouns, verbsâŠâ
Jake looked back at the words heâd underlined on the page. âTheyâre⊠adjectives?â he said, tone unsure.
âExactly!â
Jake paused. âSo?â
âSo now you can say that the author uses many adjectives to convey the gradual loss of sanity of the main character.â
âOh.â
When you looked at Jake, he wore an expression like the words on the page were finally starting to make sense to him. âThatâs the content. You can also look at the structure. See how many punctuation marks there are? Commas, semi-colons, question marks⊠Itâs like he keeps cutting himself off. His thoughts are all over the place.â
Jake nodded slowly. âSo, I just need to look out for things like that?â
âBasically, yeah. And the more you practice, the more these things will stand out to you. It actually becomes somewhat repetitive sometimes.â
Jake let out a shaky breath. âThatâs actually relieving to hear,â he said with a chuckle.
Thirty minutes passed by like this as you showed Jake ways to make sense of a literary text. When the timer rang, he leaned back in his chair and stretched his arms out wide with a sigh. He put his hands behind his head and let it hang back, and the way your stomach flipped at the sight of his exposed neck and Adamâs apple made you look away immediately. You could barely meet his eyes as he turned his head to look at you, still in that same position, and, with a smirk, asked if you were ready for some snacks.Â
You gulped, trying to look as normal as possible. âUh, yeah, sure!â
Downstairs, Jake presented you with all sorts of snacks - there were so many, you felt like you were in a convenience store. This was worlds away from your ingredient-only household. You opted for some biscuits and a banana while Jake made himself a bowl of cereal. A very distracting ten-minute long argument then ensued about the order of milk and cereal - horrifyingly, Jake poured his milk before his cereal. You thought it was a myth that some people actually did it that way, but Jake very proudly defended his choice.Â
âI bet you eat pizza with pineapple on it, too,â you said half-jokingly, only for your joke to punch you right back in the face.
âDuh,â Jake answered.
You could only shake your head in defeat. âLetâs just get back to studying before I murder you.â
âDamn, Y/N,â Jake said, laughing. âThatâs harsh.â
âAnd youâre a freak,â you retorted, a grin blooming on your lips.
âYou know, you remind me of my friend Jay,â Jake mused as you walked back up the stairs. âHe has so many of these small battles that he just wonât let go of. He got super worked up over an argument about mint chocolate chip ice cream once.â
âLet me guess, you like that ice cream?â
Jake shrugged. âItâs not my favorite, but Iâll have it once in a while.â
âGod, Sim, you just get worse and worse.â
You sat back down at his desk and started eating. âI bet you think Iâm weird for liking math too, right?â
âThatâs the worst offense of them all.âÂ
Jakeâs sudden quietness caught you off guard. When you turned your head to look at him, he was already gazing at you with a smile and a sort of thoughtful glint to his eyes, resting his chin on his palm. It sounded like he was thinking out loud when he spoke next. âGuess weâre perfect opposites of each other. Like two peas in a pod!â
The realization of what heâd said dawned upon him as soon as the words left his mouth. He slowly lifted his head as his eyes widened. âI donât mean- just, you know, since youâre good at English and Iâm good at math, and- you know⊠I didnât mean it in a weird way, or anythingâŠâ
His eyes kept glancing back and forth between you and his bowl of cereal, as if he was scared of looking directly at you but wanted to check your reaction.Â
As a smile grew on your face, you kept your eyes trained on your biscuits so he wouldnât see your flustered expression. But when you looked at him again, he held your gaze, mouth slightly agape. You didnât have it in you that he had gotten the idiom completely wrong. âI know, donât worry.â You chuckled. âWe are opposites of each other. You just better be as good at teaching math as I am at teaching English,â you teased.
You watched as a smirk tugged one corner of Jakeâs lips up and he raised an eyebrow. âWho said you were good at teaching English?â
You gasped. âYou said you understood better now!â
Jakeâs smile softened as he giggled. âIâm just teasing. You are a good teacher.â
You sat up straighter at the compliment, a proud smile on your face. âYour turn, Mr Sim. Iâm all ears.â
âRight,â he said, mirroring your posture. âShall we start by going over Mr Choiâs test from last week?âÂ
Your smile dropped instantly at this. Reluctantly, you fished your graded paper out of your bag. You already knew Mr Choi was a psychopath, but you still didnât understand where he found the will to grade thirty papers over the weekend. You avoided Jakeâs gaze as you handed him your test with a big, red, circled D- at the top.
You cringed as Jake sighed. âAt least itâs not an F, right?â he said in what you could tell was an attempt at reassurance but somehow only made you feel worse. He looked over your answers quickly, trying to find what in particular you struggled with. âAll right. Letâs start from the beginning, yeah?â
For the next forty-five minutes, Jake went over each test question with you, breaking them down and explaining how to solve them in a way you understood. The words he used were so much clearer than the half-assed explanations you were used to from Mr Choi, and for once, math actually made some sort of sense. Your brain still felt broken after almost an hour of numbers and greek letters, but at least, you felt smarter rather than dumber at the end of it. You had never been more grateful for the sound of a phone alarm than the one signaling tutoring was over.Â
âThat wasnât half-bad, right?â Jake asked with a wide grin.
You felt so tired, you could probably pass out right then and there, but Jake looked so proud of himself after you had been able to complete an exercise correctly on your own that you didnât have the heart to tell him the truth. âRight,â you replied, mirroring his grin. âYouâre an okay teacher, I guess.â
He jokingly glared and tutted at you, but you both laughed right after. âI need to walk Layla, so I can walk you home, if you want?â he offered as you started packing your things. His words had an uncertain tone to them, as if he wasnât sure youâd still want to spend time with him after this - but it only took you a second of thinking to realize youâd rather continue hanging out with him than going home on your own.
âSure! I need to walk Kiwi too, actually.â
âYour dogâs name is Kiwi?!â
âYes,â you said, chuckling at his fascinated tone.
âThatâs an adorable name.â
âThanks, I chose it.â
âOh, then I take it back. Worst name Iâve ever heard for a dog.â
âHey!â you exclaimed, lightly hitting him on the head with your math notebook, making him raise a hand in self-defense as he laughed.
âSorry, sorry. Does your cat also have a fruit name?âÂ
A pause. âMango,â you mumbled, and he immediately burst into laughter again. You side-eyed him as you zipped up your bag.
âWow, you have amazing taste in pet names, Y/N.â
âShut up,â you said, laughing along. Then you realized something, and you suddenly stopped laughing, looking up at Jake with wide eyes that made him slightly start to panic. âOh my God, Jake, are our dogs going to meet?â
âOur dogs are going to meet,â he echoed in a sort of fascinated whisper. You both understood the other - dogs becoming friends was the cutest thing ever.
âLetâs go,â you whispered back excitedly.
When you reached the living room downstairs, you bid Mrs Sim goodbye, then went to the entrance to put your shoes back on. âYou two sure get along well,â you heard her say to her son with a suggestive tone. Even though she had dropped the volume of her voice, the door was wide open and there were only a few meters between you, so youâd heard her loud and clear.Â
âGeez, Mom,â Jake groaned, seemingly irked by his momâs insinuation.
âItâs just youâve never brought a girl home, Jakey-â
âOkay, weâre leaving now! Layla, come!â
You hadnât even realized how wide you were grinning until Jake saw you tying your shoelaces and grumbled âWhat are you smiling so hard for.â
âNothing,â you giggled, and your smile grew as you watched a grin break through his pretend-upset expression.
You sighed contentedly as you stepped outside, letting the crisp early April air hit your face. You tightened your scarf around your neck and buried your hands in your pocket and you and Jake started walking side by side, Layla happily leading the way. The streets were fairly quiet at this time of day, save for the yells of children still playing in their backyards before dinner and a few cars of people coming home late from work.
Only the first five seconds of the walk were silent, until you couldnât contain yourself anymore. âSo, never brought a girl home, huh?â you asked with a teasing smirk.
Jake let out an offended scoff and looked up to the sky as if God could help him out of this one. Sadly, He didnât, so Jake had to find an answer himself. âIâm not talking about this with you.â
âWhy not?â
Pouting, Jake spared you a sideway glance. âBecause youâre a girl,â he replied, voice lowered to a mumble.
You chuckled at this. âVery astute observation, Jake.â
âNo, I- Ugh,â he groaned before laughing along with you. âI donât need a girl to know how bad I am with- well, with girls.â
âI can help with that,â you said before you really thought about it. âI mean, Iâm not a love expert by any means, but I can maybe give, I donât know, pointers or something if thereâs someone you like-â
âThereâs no one I like,â Jake quickly cut in. âUm, not right now, at least.â
âO-okay,â you replied, nodding. âThatâs fine.âÂ
âWhat about you? Do you like anyone?â
As Jake asked the question, he realized he already knew the answer - you liked Sunghoon. How could he forget?! Half of his plan had been to make you get closer to his friend, but he hadnât even started thinking about that yet. In his defense, heâd come up with that plan three days ago.
Your answer surprised him. âUm, no, me neither. Not right now, at least,â you said, repeating his words with a smile on your face. You locked eyes for a second before looking away at the same time, chuckling.
âRight,â he said. He knew what he had read in your diary, so maybe you were just too shy to admit you had a crush on his friend of all people.
An unexpected awkwardness settled between the two of you, and you more than anything wanted it to go away. Even though itâd only been a few days since you and Jake had started getting to know each other, you already felt comfortable enough to be yourself around him, and it usually took you weeks before reaching that level with anyone. This hadnât happened since you met Yena and Hyewon at the beginning of high school - they had been friends since middle school, and so had you and Chaewon, and when the four of you met, you had instant chemistry. But maybe it was slightly too early to start talking about crushes with Jake.
For once, you were the one to break the silence - you asked him whether he knew what he wanted to do after school. Basic question, but you were genuinely curious.Â
Looking a little bashful, he confessed his dream had always been to be a math teacher and soccer coach at a middle or high school. You told him he already had the talent for it, and when he blushed at your words, you made sure to tease him for it. Â
âIâm not sure yet,â you said when he returned the question. âI know I wanna go to college and continue doing English Lit and theater there, but thatâs about it.â
âThatâs already good enough,â Jake said with a smile. âStill got time to figure out what comes after, right?â
You naturally mirrored his smile - there was something contagious about Jakeâs puppyish grin that made it hard not to smile yourself. âRight.â
The three of you reached your house quickly after that. Your mom still hadnât come home from work, so Kiwi was even more excited than usual for your arrival home. You and Jake watched fondly as your dogs sniffed each other for a few seconds before starting to run around together. The fact that they got along made you really happy, perhaps unreasonably so, and you started bouncing up and down on the balls of your feet as you watched them play. âOur dogs are friends!â you exclaimed excitedly.Â
When you turned to look at Jake, he wasnât watching the dogs like you had been - he was gazing straight at you, eyes soft with something that made your heart skip a beat. You couldnât look away, and it was only after a few seconds that he seemed to snap out of the sort of daze he was in. He cleared his throat and you finally tore your eyes away from him.
âLet me just- Kiwi! I need to put his leash around him,â you said, speaking quickly to dissipate the weird atmosphere as best as you could. You led Jake down the path you usually took with Kiwi that led to a park in your neighborhood, and you were relieved when normal conversation started again.
Jake insisted on walking you back to your house even though he had left his earlier. He made a whole show of not going until youâd walked inside and closed the door, so youâd rushed to your window to shout his name and wave goodbye at him, which made him laugh.
You turned back to Kiwi when Jake and Layla had turned a corner and you couldnât watch them anymore. âAre you happy you made a new friend, Kiwi?â
The Corgi barked happily at you in response - probably more at hearing his name than because he understood your question, but still, you liked to think you could communicate with your dog on such a level. You chuckled and took him in your arms. âMe too.â
â
Apparently, you couldnât even wave to someone in the hallway without being interrogated about it anymore.
âY/N, did you just say hi to Jake Sim?â Chaewon asked like youâd just insulted her whole family.
It was 10 a.m. on a simple Tuesday morning, the day after Jake and you had studied together for the first time, and youâd just walked past the boy - so of course, you said hi to him. Maybe, your heart started beating slightly faster when youâd noticed him approaching. Maybe, it was nice to be on the receiving end of his friendly grin.
âYes?â you replied, sentence coming out more like a question.
âSince when do you say hi to Jake Sim?!âÂ
âSince today, I guess.â
âBut why?!â Sheâd raised her voice so much, youâd gotten strange looks from other students in the hallway.Â
âI told you!â
She shook her head slowly at you as if to say, No you didnât!
You rolled your eyes and sighed. Chaewon and her early onset short-term memory loss. âThe backpack thing? And agreeing to tutoring each other? I wrote to the group chat about this!â
âOh, that! Of course I remember that,â she said, even though you knew she had forgotten about it and remembered it just now. âSo, has that started already?â
You reached the classroom for your next class and sat down in your usual seats next to each other, waiting for the teacher to arrive. Busy hallways like these were the perfect place for gossip, because they were loud and nobody paid attention to othersâ conversations. âYeah, yesterday afternoon.â
Chaewon gasped. âAnd you didnât tell us?!â
âWill you quiet down? I was going to see and tell you guys today anyway.â
âOkay, so, tell me about it.â
âBut-â
âTell. Me.â
You wouldnât see Yena and Hyewon until lunch in two hours, and you knew Chaewon didnât have the patience to wait until then. So you sighed again and obliged, telling her about your afternoon with Jake in every detail you could remember, because she would ask about insignificant things anyway.Â
To your surprise, the first thing she said when you were done talking was this: âY/N, do you like Jake?â
Your mouth opened slightly in shock at the question, but before you could even retort, you started giggling. âNo, I donât,â you said in a way that sounded like you very much did.
âOh my God! You so do!â Chaewon said, giggling along with you. âYou whore, youâve only talked to him, like, twice,â she joked.
You gasped fake-dramatically and slapped her arm. âOh please, look at Hyewon and Jaemin, they started dating after a week of talking.â
âYes, and theyâve been going one year strong, so clearly, you need to ask Jake out and get this over with. Youâll get a boyfriend and a math tutor all-in-one, itâs a perfect deal!â
âDonât get too carried away, okay? Jake and I are friends. Like you said, we barely know each other right now.â
You meant this - sure, you had had a really good time with Jake both times you saw him, and you were looking forward to your next tutoring session, but you chalked it up to the excitement of making a new friend. Plus, barely last week you felt some sort of way towards his best friend - wouldnât it be weird to practically transfer your feelings from Sunghoon to Jake?
âWhatever. Yena and Hyewon are gonna freak when I tell them,â Chaewon said excitedly.
You shook your head at your friend but couldnât keep down the amused grin on your face. âYou guys are insane.â
âOh please, like youâre not the president of our Park Sunghoon fanclub. I canât believe youâre leaving us for his best friend!â
âHey, if anything, less competition for you, right?â
Chaewon opened her mouth to say something, but the teacher arrived, starting the lesson before having even put her bag down - Mrs Lee always arrived late but never wasted a second of class when she was in the room. Your friend resorted to sticking her tongue out at you instead, and you chuckled at her childishness as you opened your History notebook.Â
â
Jake was a complete, total, utter idiot. His plan had consisted of two things only, and heâd somehow managed to forget one of them, even after talking about it with you, albeit vaguely. It had taken him two weeks and one Park Sunghoon to even remember it.
Between Jakeâs soccer practice, Sunghoonâs ice skating practice and Jayâs being away at boarding school, the three friends only had one night every week on which they were all free - Friday night. So, every Friday, they planned some sort of hang out at one of their houses and gamed or watched movies all night.
Kinda like date night, but for bros.
This was one of those bro nights; namely, the one in the second week of you and Jake tutoring each other. The boys had decided to go to the burger joint they like that night and were in the middle of a french fry fight when Sunghoon mentioned your and Jakeâs new friendship.
âSo, Jake⊠whatâs up with you and Y/N?â
Jake halted in his motions, redirecting to his mouth the fry he was about to throw at Jay. âNothingâs up with me and Y/N. What makes you say that?â
âJust, you know, you seem like youâve become actual friends. Talking in the hallways and walking your dogs together and whatnot.â
âY/N as in Y/N? Sunghoonâs Y/N?â Jay said, halfway through a bite of his cheeseburger.
âSheâs not my Y/N-â
âYes, Y/N as in Y/N, you idiot,â Jake cut in. âAnd like you said, weâre friends.â
âIs she the girl you posted some BeReals with?â Jay asked, and Jake nodded. âSheâs pretty! No wonder Sunghoon likes her so much.â
Sunghoon sighed as he let his head hang low. âGod forbid I find a girl cute, because Iâll mention it once, two years ago and you guys make me out to be in love with her.â
âSunghoon, you act like girls donât exist, so of course when you not only mention a girl, but describe her as cute, that means youâre in love with her!â
âBut Iâm not! We were literally having a whole conversation about girls, I happened to see Y/N and her friends from far away, I said she was cute, and now you guys wonât let me live it down. Jay, you werenât even there!â
âYeah, but the way Jake told me about the whole thing, it really sounded like you liked her.â
âWhy would you trust Jake to relay something like this correctly?!â
Jay paused and tilted his head. âYou have a point there.â
âHey!â
âSo you donât, like⊠like her, or something?â Sunghoon asked, looking at his friend as he sipped on his Pepsi.
This made Jake stop. Did he like you? Wasnât the fact that he was considering it sign enough? Surely, if there was nothing there, he would have answered no right away.
But there was no use thinking about it. You liked Sunghoon. And as much as he liked to deny it, Jake knew Sunghoon liked you, too. After two years, there was finally an opportunity for the two of you to get closer - Jake wasnât about to get in the middle of that. If anything, he should help his friends out. Then, when you and Sunghoon eventually got married, Jake would have the honor of saying it was all thanks to him in his best manâs speech.Â
âNo, I donât. Donât worry, Hoon, Iâm not gonna steal your girl away from you.â
âAgain, sheâs not my girl-â
âWhatever you say. Iâll introduce you guys.â
Even if Sunghoon didnât think he liked you yet, Jake knew it was just a matter of time - his friend just needed to spend a few hours with you to realize he did. You were pretty, smart, funny, nice, had the sweetest laugh heâd ever heard, got along with dogs, and even though you sometimes had weird opinions, it was always fun, talking to you. It was easy and comfortable. Anyone with taste would fall for you.
Anyone, except for Jake, of course.
â
For the past three weeks, you and Jake had gotten along perfectly, but today, on this bright Tuesday afternoon, you really wanted to strangle him.Â
When heâd invited you to come and watch him at soccer practice, youâd been surprised, but happy - usually, you invited people to watch an actual game, not just practice. But you were just glad for the opportunity to spend more time with him.Â
Without realizing it, you were giddy with excitement the whole day, counting down the minutes until classes were over and Jakeâs practice started. Jake had told you to just head to the bleachers while the players got ready in the locker room, but when you reached said bleachers, someone was already sitting there, looking at something on their phone. You recognized him immediately as Sunghoon. He didnât notice you right away, so you had time to wipe the surprise off of your face - you hadnât thought anyone came to watch practice, but Sunghoon was probably here for Jake, just like you.Â
âHey,â you said quietly as you sat down next to him. Even though you were technically still on school property, this was the first time you saw Sunghoon outside of somewhere like a classroom, a hallway or the cafeteria. You werenât as nervous as you thought youâd be, seeing him unexpectedly like this.Â
You chuckled when Sunghoon started at your sudden arrival. âOh, hey, Y/N,â he said, chuckling too, albeit somewhat awkwardly. âSorry, didnât hear you coming.â
âItâs fine,â you said with a smile as you sat down next to him on the bleachers. You didnât know what sort of distance was appropriate between you two, if you should sit close or far, but you stopped yourself before you could overthink something as trivial as that. Neither of you said anything for a few seconds and you wished practice had started before you got here, so that youâd have something to look at other than an empty field.
You broke the silence before it became too uncomfortable. âSo, do you come watch Jake often?â
Youâd been fiddling with your hands as you spoke, only turning your head to look at Sunghoon as you awaited his answer. Your eyes didnât even meet for a fraction of a second before he whipped his head to look at the field, as if unable to look at you and talk at the same time. At least he had a nice side profile for you to look at.
âUm, just on Tuesdays. I have ice skating practice after this, so I come here first, then he comes with me to the rink,â he replied. He glanced at you, lips pressed into a thin line that somewhat resembled a smile and that pushed dimples into his cheeks. You simply hummed in response.Â
âWhat about you, how come youâre here?â
âJake asked me,â you replied. Sunghoon let out a long âohâ as he nodded, turning his head back towards the field again. You didnât think youâd ever had such a slow conversation. It was like you and Sunghoon both repeated your words ten times over in your heads before saying them out loud.
âAre you coming to my practice, too?â he asked after another pause.
The question took you aback slightly as you hadnât even considered it, but it could be fun, seeing Sunghoon practice ice skating. Itâd also be fun to hang out with Jake. âIf itâs fine with you, then yeah, why not,â you replied, smiling at Sunghoon. He glanced at you again before looking away with a smile, an actual one this time that showed his teeth and made his eyes crinkle.
âYeah, sure. People usually only come to actual shows, so I like it when someoneâs there to watch practice.â Before you could find something to say, the players arrived jogging onto the field, immediately starting their warm-up laps. Some were serious about it and stayed focused as they ran, while others goofed around, running backwards and slapping other players on their butts before sprinting away. Jake, of course, was part of the latter group.
Now that something was actually happening on the field, you and Sunghoon had an excuse not to make conversation anymore. You tried to ignore it, but it was so awkward you wanted to die. You realized now why you were so attracted to people like Jake and Chaewon - without even being aware of it, they brought you out of your shell and made you feel at ease. You wished you could do that on your own, but you were always too scared, so you needed that person who was confident enough showing themselves to you first to make you feel comfortable doing the same. You and Sunghoon, unfortunately, were too similar in that sense to do that for each other. So you just sat there in silence, observing Jake and waving back at him when he caught your gazes.
The ninety minutes of practice didnât go by in total silence - you asked Sunghoon about some soccer rules you didnât get, and he shared some anecdotes from his and Jakeâs earlier teenage years, including a very entertaining story about a tantrum 9-year-old Jake had thrown when he hadnât agreed with the red card the referee had given him. You werenât sure how the topic came up, but at some point, you even shared pictures of your pets. Sunghoon had one of those small crusty white dogs, but you kept your laughter in and cooed over how cute she was.Â
But still, most of the time, you were watching Jake. You had never been interested in soccer or any sort of sport that involved balls until now. Somehow, he managed to make flushed cheeks, a heaving chest and hairline beaded with sweat look glorious. In total honesty, you were paying more attention to the player himself than to the sport, to the point that you barely noticed when he scored a goal during their practice match. It was only when Jake started cheering and high-fiving his teammates that you realized what had happened, and you gave him two thumbs up and a wide grin when he looked your and Sunghoonâs way, proudly shouting âDid you see that?!â
The realization hit you like a ton of bricks right there and then. The way your heart swelled as you watched his excited, puppyish grin take over his features was undeniable - you liked Jake. You like liked him. Your gaze continued to follow him as he finished his celebratory lap. If you couldâve seen yourself right then, youâd probably have been embarrassed by your awestruck expression and slightly agape mouth, but you couldnât help yourself.
Much to your dismay, you realized that Chaewon had seen right through you. You hadnât wanted to read too much into your feelings, but they had become too obvious to ignore. You hadnât experienced them yourself since middle school (Choi Soobin had really been a heartbreaker back then), but youâd heard about the telltale signs of a crush too many times not to know about them. It was now clear that the way you felt about Jake and the way you had felt about Sunghoon were worlds apart. Feeling nervous around him and your heart skipping a beat when you made eye contact; wanting to see him smile; laughing at all his jokes, even the bad ones; missing him even though itâd been seconds since you said goodbye, and counting down the days until you saw him again. And, yes, looking at his pictures on social media over and over again. You did all those things, so you knew there was no point in lying to yourself anymore - you liked Jake Sim.Â
It didnât help that he was always kind to you, never making you feel stupid for not understanding something in your tutoring sessions and being patient enough to explain the same thing over and over again. He always paid attention to small things, which never failed to make your heart race, like asking after your aging catâs condition after youâd told him he had a health check-up over the weekend or stocking up on your favorite snack the week after youâd told him about it. Heâd also immediately picked up on your habit of teasing the people you felt comfortable with and you loved how he returned it tenfold. It was as much fun debating with him over nothing and making him shut up with your senseless arguments as it was being rendered speechless when he came up with the perfect retort.Â
And of course, there was no denying that Jake was ridiculously attractive. There were times you got so caught up in the way his lips moved as he spoke or the way his fingers looked as he pointed at numbers on the page that your mind completely blanked out and you stopped listening to his words for a few seconds. You didnât know what to make of his small chuckle and smirk when he noticed your gaze fixated on him, but you knew it wasnât good for your heart. And letâs not even get started on the fact that sitting so close to him meant you could smell the lingering scent of his cologne every single time.
Even now, with flushed cheeks and hair slicked back with sweat, you want to run onto the field and give him a big smooch on his cheek, telling him you were proud of him for scoring that goal.
But even though you were getting closer and he had offered for you to come watch his practice, you squashed down as best as you could any hope that he might feel the same way about you. Even if he insisted he was bad with girls, Jake was popular at school, and you were sure there were many other girls who had a crush on him - so why would he like you of all people?
Sunghoonâs voice snapped you out of your thoughts. âEvery time he scores, he acts like itâs the first time heâs ever done it,â he said, chuckling and shaking his head at his friendâs over-dramatic antics. The coach was trying to get Jake to calm down so that the game could resume.
âHeâs so cute,â you said, voice quiet, before you could stop yourself. But as soon as the words were out, you realized what youâd done, and your eyes doubled in size as you turned to look at Sunghoon. He had whipped his head to look at you, too, and his eyes were just as big as yours. Then, he burst into laughter, and you hoped the Earth would suddenly open beneath your feet and swallow you whole.Â
When his surprise had subsided, Sunghoon turned to you again, an incredulous but amused glint in his eyes. âDid you just call Jake cute?â
You crossed your arms over your chest, slightly frowning as you avoided Sunghoonâs gaze. âI just meant, you know, itâs cute how excited he got. I didnât say he was cute,â you mumbled, knowing you were doing a poor job of defending yourself.
âThatâs exactly what you said, though. You said, and I quote, Heâs so cute.â You glared at Sunghoon. Who knew he would only become talkative once it came to teasing you about Jake?Â
His expression softened slightly when he realized you might actually be upset about this, and he turned his attention back towards the field, smile growing when he found his friend. âDonât worry, I wonât say anything.â
âThereâs nothing to be said anyway.â
âOh? So you donât mind if I tell Jake that you have the biggest, fattest crush on- hmph!â
Youâd cut Sunghoon off by pressing your palm to his mouth, mustering the most menacing look you could to scare him off. âI do not,â you said firmly as you moved your hand away from him.
âSure, you donât,â he replied, chuckling. Clearly, your most menacing look wasnât so menacing.
âI get why Jakeâs so annoying now, itâs because heâs friends with you.â
Sunghoon raised an amused eyebrow at this. âHe might be annoying, but heâs also cute, right?â
âShut up!â you shrieked immediately, but you couldnât stop the grin forcing its way onto your lips.
âJust saying,â Sunghoon said, and you laughed together. Maybe you shouldâve been more worried about Jakeâs literal best friend finding out you had a crush on him, but you somehow trusted Sunghoon not to blabber about it. Whether because he was nice or because he wanted to watch you struggle with your feelings, you werenât sure, but at least you felt your secret was safe with him.
You looked back at the field, and just as your eyes found Jake, you saw him turn his head away. Had you seen him just seconds prior, you might have noticed the crease in his eyebrows as he watched you and Sunghoon laugh together. Sunghoon isnât that funny, he thought, what could you be laughing so hard about?
He didnât understand the sudden weight in his heart at the sight of you and his friend getting along so well. This was his whole plan after all - force some proximity between you and Sunghoon so that you could talk and hopefully make your feelings clear to each other after some time. Clearly, it was working. So why was it bothering him so much?Â
He had to turn his attention back to the game, so he could only ruminate over it for five seconds, but for the remaining thirty minutes, he could barely focus on anything. Whenever he glanced back at you and Sunghoon, you were both looking at him and not talking to each other, and that somehow bothered him even more.Â
He used his time in the lockers to get out of the weird mood he was in - whatever was going on between you and Sunghoon, he didnât want to ruin it by being grumpy. So when he came back out and found the two of you waiting for him at the bus stop, he put on his best smile.Â
Having you around made his usual Tuesday afternoon with Sunghoon more fun - after years of friendship, Sunghoon ignored most of his jokes and could tune the sound of his voice out, but you still laughed at everything he said, and his heart swelled with pride every time he made you laugh.
It was only a ten-minute bus ride from the school to the ice rink so you still had twenty minutes to spare before Sunghoonâs lesson started. As always after soccer practice, Jake was famished, so you stopped by a convenience store and got more snacks than you really needed.
You sat next to Sunghoon and across from Jake at a picnic table in front of the ice rink, watching the boy in front of you with fascination as he gorged himself on banana milk and chocolate snacks.
âGod, how long has it been since you last ate?â you asked with genuine concern in your voice. Sunghoon followed your gaze towards Jake, only then noticing his friendâs feral behavior as if this was a normal occurrence for them.
âLike three hours,â Jake answered. âIâm starving. So hungry I could eat Sunghoon.â
When he looked up, you were both peering at him with furrowed eyebrows and bewildered expressions on your faces. âWhat? Why are you looking at me like that?â
âDo you mean that Sunghoon is a horse?â you asked.
Jake mirrored your confused expressions. âWhat? No, why would I say that?â
âThe saying goes, so hungry I could eat a horse, dumbass,â Sunghoon chimed in.
âWhy would I eat a horse?â Jake replied, shaking his head and chuckling at you and Sunghoon like you were the ones who had gotten a basic idiom wrong.
âWhy would you eat me?â Sunghoon bit back, sounding almost offended.
âItâs just a saying, dude.â
Half-an-hour and two whole packets of biscuits later, you and Jake sat side-by-side on the benches, watching Sunghoon as he did his warm-ups on the ice. This was your first time seeing a professional ice skater and you were transfixed, to say the least. He was just skating across the rink and rolling his arms and neck to get the muscles moving, but it all seemed so effortless and elegant that you couldnât help but watch with your mouth slightly open, eyes eager to keep up with Sunghoonâs figure.
You were so mesmerized that you had no idea Jake was practically burning holes into the side of your face. Eyes narrowed and nose scrunched in disgust, he couldnât believe you were enjoying the show in front of you that much. âHeâs not even doing anything special right now, you know,â he said, but it only made him realize that when Sunghoon did start doing cool stuff, youâd like it even more.
Your head barely budged in Jakeâs direction as you answered him, and your eyes certainly didnât leave Sunghoon. âReally? It already looks so cool, though.â Jake scoffed, but that still didnât get your attention, which made him scoff again. He crossed his arms over his chest and frowned like a child whose parent wasnât paying attention to their drawing.Â
âCooler than me?â
Finally, you look at me, Jake thought, and his frown immediately dissipated into a grin when your eyes met. But judging by the teasing way your lips curled up, he already knew he wasnât going to like your answer.
âCooler than you,â you replied before turning your attention back to the rink.
Jake leans back with a pout, opting to glare at his friend instead of you. He tried to put himself in your shoes and figure out what it was about Sunghoon you liked so much that Jake didnât also have. Devastatingly good looks? Check. Charming smile? Check. Cute dog? Check - Jake more so than Sunghoon. Brains? Okay, both of them lacked this. Good personality? Check - however, you needed months before Sunghoon revealed himself to you, whereas Jake was outgoing and was comfortable even with people heâd just met.Â
So why was the bearer of your affection Sunghoon and not Jake?
And why did Jake even care that you liked his friend over him in the first place?
It wasnât like Jake liked you - he couldnât like a girl that his best friend liked - so why did this at all matter to him? If anything, the fact that you liked Sunghoon back shouldâve been something to rejoice over. It had been, up until now, and Jake couldnât figure out why. He couldnât figure out this weird sensation that had plagued him in the soccer field and followed him to the ice rink as he watched you watch Sunghoon with amazement.
Jake was so lost in his own thoughts that he didnât even notice when you detached your eyes from Sunghoon, who was talking to his coach, and tilted your head at him. âJake?âÂ
The boy only let out a low hum, still too upset to look at you.
An amused grin made your lips quirk up. âAre you pouting because I said Sunghoon was cooler than you?â
Jake scoffed, turning his head away from you. âNo.â
A pause. âSo you donât mind if I go on and on about how elegant and beautiful ice skating is, while running after a ball and kicking it is the basis of the stupidest sport in the world?â
Jake glared at you, but it only made you smile more. âItâs not stupid.â
Despite himself, his pretend angry facade broke apart at the sound of your airy giggles. Jake didnât think his ears had ever been graced with such a pretty sound before - he slapped himself mentally as soon as that thought crossed his mind.Â
His heart did jumps and spins more impressive than Sunghoonâs when you reached a hand out to ruffle his hair, shaking your head at his behavior. For once, he was glad that you turned back to Sunghoon so that you wouldnât see the bright blush spreading all over his face.
For the next hour, Jake put his weird feelings to the side and watched his friend practice his routine for his upcoming competition. Even he had to admit that Sunghoon looked pretty cool doing what he loved.
You told him you found it all the more impressive because youâd never skated before, so it looked unachievable to you, and an idea immediately formed in Jakeâs mind. As soon as Sunghoonâs practice was over, he rushed over to his friend and asked if the two of you could join him on the ice. Sunghoon turned to his coach, who simply shrugged.
âI trust you to look after them,â she said. âJust make sure to be out when the hockey team gets here.â
Before you knew it, Jake was helping you tie up your ice skates (the sight of which made you faint-hearted) and both boys helped you onto the ice rink, each holding onto one of your hands as you tried not to freak out at the feeling of your knees being so wobbly. Sunghoon demonstrated how to move around the ice, and soon enough, youâd gotten the hang of it - but you still made sure to keep Jake at an armâs length so you could grab onto him every time you lost your balance. Jake stayed by your side, smiling fondly at how excited you looked and cheering you on every time you took a step of your own. Sunghoon, on the other hand, seemed to find it funny to watch from afar and point and laugh every time you stumbled.
After some time, Sunghoon announced he was feeling hungry and decided to go eat some snacks, leaving you and Jake alone in the rink. The wink Sunghoon threw your way when Jake wasnât looking let you know what his true intentions were, and you couldnât believe Jakeâs best friend had just become your wingman.
âFeeling ready to skate around the rink?â Jake asked. His boyish grin was contagious, and you found yourself matching it even though you were still nervous about moving around too much.
âIf you help me,â you answered tentatively, looking at him worriedly as you held out your hand for him to take. The softness of his gaze as he smiled down at you made you want to melt into a puddle on the floor.
âOf course,â he said, taking your hand in his warm one. Your fingers intertwined as if out of second nature and you thought you finally understood why people said their hands were meant to hold someone elseâs.
Being friends with an ice skater for such a long time meant Jake had acquired some skill, too, which is why he could so easily show you how to turn or pick up speed. Whenever you lost your balance, he was always quick enough to make sure you didnât actually fall, picking you up before your backside could touch the ice. He found your frightened expression every time you thought you would fall absolutely adorable, but your pout and slight frown whenever he teased you were somehow even cuter.
He only let go of your hand after some ten minutes (neither of you had even begun to question Sunghoonâs whereabouts by then) when he came to stand in front of you, a serious expression on his face.
âI think youâre ready, Y/N,â he declared solemnly.
âReady forâŠ?â you asked, scared of whatever he had in mind.
He leaned in slightly and the sudden proximity took you aback, but he didnât seem to realize. A mischievous smirk broke through his handsome features. âA race,â he whispered, then skated to one edge of the rink and motioned for you to follow him. Reluctantly, you did.
âFirst to the other edge has toâŠâ he thought for a second, gazing at the ceiling. You wanted to be mad at him for proposing a race when youâd literally just learned how to skate, but how could you when he looked so cute and giddy, searching for the loserâs penalty? âBuy the other ice cream!â
Your eyes were probably the image of tenderness as you looked at him. âDeal,â you said, wanting to sound as playful as him but voice coming out soft. Since when had you fallen so hard for him?
You held each otherâs gazes for a couple more seconds before both turning in front of you, getting ready for your race. Jake counted down from three, and your skating wasnât so bad at first - until you got too cocky for your own good, trying to go at a pace you clearly couldnât handle. Before you knew it, your knees betrayed you and you found yourself tripping over, your butt making a loud thump sound as it came into contact with the ice.
On your way down, youâd shrieked Jakeâs name, and he was at your side in the blink of an eye, holding your shoulder and looking at you worriedly. The pain was immediate, and for a few seconds, you couldnât answer him and reassure him that you were fine.
âOh God, Iâm so sorry, I shouldnât have asked to race, God Y/N Iâm so stupid Iâm so sorry are you okay I didnât want you to get hurt-â
âJake,â you squeaked.
âYeah?â
âIâm okay, calm down,â you said when the pain subsided, managing a smile. âIâll just have a sore butt tomorrow.â He chuckled at the word âbutt,â but you didnât have it in you to roll his eyes at his childishness.
âAre you sure youâre okay? Thereâs an infirmary here-â
âIâm sure, Jakey-poo,â you teased, making him lose the concerned expression as he bore an unimpressed one instead.
âI guess you are fine if you can think to call me that. Come on, up!â he said as he stood up, reaching his hands out for you to take. Just as he helped you up, Sunghoon came sprinting and stood at the entrance to the rink.
âIs everything okay? I heard a yell,â he said, slightly out-of-breath with half a biscuit in his mouth. Guess he really was eating this whole time.
You and Jake laughed and shook your head at him, and you reassured him that everything was fine.Â
âGood, âcause the hockey teamâs here and we have to go anyway.â
There was a bus that took Sunghoon directly from the ice rink to his house, but you and Jake had to go back to the school to catch the one you usually took, which meant you had a forty-minute journey in front of you. And yet, Jakeâs company made those forty minutes feel like five, and you found yourself disappointed when the bus neared your stop.
âIf you want, we can still go walk Kiwi and Layla,â he offered shyly a few minutes before your stop, as if heâd read your mind.Â
âIâd love to.â You watched as his small smile bloomed into a wider one.
âIâm glad,â he chuckled, relieved. âI was scared youâd be tired of me after spending the whole afternoon together,â he admitted, looking down at his lap with a bashful expression on his face. It wasnât often that Jake looked timid like this, but whenever he did, your heart tripled in size.
âI donât think I could get tired of you.â You were too shy to look him in the eye while you said this, but in your peripheral, you saw his grin get impossibly wider and his eyebrows raise. He bumped your shoulder with his, making the both of you burst into giggles.
You were still smiling long after youâd come home from your walk.
â
Unfortunately for Jake, forcing you and Sunghoon to sit together for ninety minutes hadnât resulted in the two of you confessing your undying love for the other and getting together - clearly, his plan hadnât worked very well. But Jake, instead of coming up with another strategy, decided he should just basically do the same thing again and hope it went better this time.Â
Bro night had been a tradition for the past three years that the boys only very rarely broke, in cases of illness, filial obligations or important competitions the following day. This wasnât any one of those cases, but Jake decided bro night must be slightly sacrificed that night - for your and Sunghoonâs sake. Years down the line, he knew youâd thank him.
This was why he tricked you into thinking you had been invited to bro night (youâd heard a lot about it and considered it an honor to be included) when really, he made Jay promise not to show at the cinema so that you and Sunghoon could be alone. The two of them would make up an excuse about not being able to make it on time and show up later at the diner (âIf you want to set them up, shouldnât we also leave them alone after the movie?â Jay had asked Jake over the phone, and Jake had been unable to explain why he didnât want you to spend the whole night alone with Sunghoon).
âThey ditched us,â Sunghoon had said in lieu of a greeting when you found him at the entrance of the cinema. He turned his phone screen towards you, showing you their group chat - Jay had had some sort of meeting at his school that had run late and Jake had to go to the vet suddenly because Layla kept making weird noises.
âOh no, I hope sheâll be okay,â you said, voice laced with genuine worry.
Sunghoon just sighed. âIâm sure she will.â He knew what his friends were up to - it almost never happened that one of them was unable to make it to bro night, so two at once? They were clearly lying. He would make sure to tell Jake how worried sick you were about his dogâs fake illness later on just so his friend would feel extra guilty.
You had been looking forward to hanging out with Jake and his friends all day, so you were disappointed to know he wouldnât make it until later. It wasnât much comfort that the movie they had picked, some recent Marvel release, was one you were not at all interested in, and you couldnât even obsess over Jakeâs presence next to you instead of the movie because he wasnât there. Youâd have to sit with awkward, quiet Sunghoon for God knows how long - at least the cinema wasnât much of a talking place.Â
You declined his kind offer of sharing a big popcorn tub - you didnât want to risk a clichĂ© reaching-for-popcorn-at-the-same-time moment with Sunghoon, although youâd daydreamed and giggled about it happening with Jake earlier that day. Instead, you sipped grumpily on your Cherry Coke, watching the trailers for upcoming movies and discussing them with Sunghoon. (âIâm so excited for the Barbie movie,â heâd surprised you by saying. Maybe he wasnât so bad.)
As the lights dimmed, announcing the imminent start of the movie, Sunghoon whispered something that completely changed your mind about Marvel. âItâs so stupid that Jake isnât here, seriously. Heâs been going on and on about going to see this movie since the trailer came out.â Suddenly, youâd never felt the need to pay attention to something more than this.Â
Well, in your humble opinion, the film wasnât anything to write home about. It was a lot of loud action scenes with some funny one-liners that, okay, you chuckled at. And the actors were hot. You could sort of see why Jake would enjoy Marvel movies, although you yourself liked films with more social commentary, such as Mean Girls or Bee Movie. Youâd need to make Jake watch Twilight one of these days - you were sure heâd like the soundtrack, if nothing else.
At least, you and Sunghoon have something to talk about during your short walk to the diner. As you enter the restaurant, a familiar voice calling out your name catches you off-guard.
âChaewon? I thought you didnât work on Friday nights!â you exclaimed, letting your friend bring you into a hug. You gave her a once-over - she always looked so pretty in her work uniform, white t-shirt dress draping her body perfectly, apron cinching at her waist, and short pigtails under her 50âs style diner hat. If the blush spreading on Sunghoonâs cheeks at her sudden appearance was anything to go by, his thoughts might not have been too far from yours.
She pouted, taking your hands in hers and swaying them between the two of you. âI usually donât, but Yunjin asked me to trade shifts and she always says yes when I ask her, so I felt bad saying no.â You nodded and she turned to Sunghoon.
âHi, Sunghoon!â
âH-hi, Chaewon.â
âWhereâs Jay and Jake?â she asked, looking behind the two of you. Youâd told the group chat about your evening plans and a lot of freaking out had taken place.Â
âShould be here any minute,â you sighed, and when she looked at you questioningly, you told her youâd explain later.
She sat you at a four-person booth by the window and brought you drinks (âOn the house,â sheâd said with a wink, but you werenât sure this had been allowed by any of her superiors) for you to sip on while you waited for the others. Every time she was free, she came over to your table and gossiped about the customers. You did not miss the way Sunghoonâs face lit up whenever she approached you.
Jake and Jay see you before you see them. Jay, the only one with a driverâs license out of the three, had picked Jake up, and he was parking his car when Jake gasped loudly, making Jay jump. âIâm trying to park, man, can you be calm?â
âWhatâs she doing here?â Jake exclaimed, completely ignoring his friend.
Jay followed Jakeâs gaze, but he wasnât sure what his friend was going on about. All he saw was you, whom he recognized from pictures only, Sunghoon, and a waitress that seemed overly-friendly. âWho?â he asked.
âChaewon,â Jake hissed, like her name was a curse. âSheâs ruining our plan!â
Jay sighed. âFirst of all, this is your plan. Second of all, it was ruined from the beginning. And by that, I mean that your plan sucks, Jake.â
Jake clicked his teeth. âWhatever. Letâs just go,â he said, getting out of the car and heading straight for you. He made sure to give Chaewon a pointed look as he sat next to you in the booth, but she just seemed happy that more people had arrived.Â
You bumped your knee into his to get his attention. âHi,â you said with a smile.
He looked at you dumbly for a few seconds before Jay cleared his throat awkwardly. âHi. This is Jay,â he said, tilting his head towards the boy but not taking his eyes off of you. You and Jay exchanged heyâs before Chaewon took your order, quickly giving it to the kitchen and scanning the room to make sure every table had what they needed, then headed back to your table.Â
âIs Layla okay?â you asked Jake, worry making your brows furrow.
âHuh?â The sudden mention of his dog took him aback. Why wouldnât she be okay?
âLayla?â you repeated, tilting your head. âIs she okay? You said you had to go to the vet.â
His eyes widened as he remembered his lie from earlier, and he started nodding frantically. âOh yeah, yeah, sheâs fine, we panicked over nothing,â he said with a nervous giggle. Jake was the worst liar Jay and Sunghoon had ever seen, but you were none the wiser.
âWhat about you, Jay? How was your school thing?â Sunghoon asked, turning to his friend with a glare and making him choke on his Coke.
âOh, that was fine too, I guess,â Jay mumbled.
As expected, Jake and Chaewon were experts at leading the conversation, and Jay himself was pretty talkative. They all bounced off of each other naturally, and even Sunghoon knew how to throw in witty remarks now and there. You also participated, but you were more than happy just listening to them and laughing along. You tried not to think too much about how your knee would bump into Jakeâs once in a while, or how he seemed to look at you every time he made a joke.
At some point, Chaewon had rushed over to your table, looking right at you with wide eyes and beaming. âOh my God Oh my God Oh my God, Y/N, hat guy is here!âÂ
You instantly mirrored her expression. âWhere where where?â you asked, lifting your body up to scan around the restaurant.
âOver there in the corner, but be discreet!â
You were not at all discreet as your eyes found said hat guy, noting with satisfaction that he was characteristically hatless, and you burst into laughter. âI canât believe heâs here!â
âRight? Probably has the munchies or something,â Chaewon said, laughing along.
You only noticed then the perplexed looks all three boys were sending your way. âWho the heck is hat guy?â Jake asked, which only made you and Chaewon laugh harder.
âYou wouldnât get it,â she replied airily, waving Jake off as she made her way to a customer who had called for her.Â
The boys turned to you and you shrunk in your seat at their attention. âJust a guy the girls and I find funny,â you explained, shrugging and glancing quickly at Sunghoon. If only he knew about all the times you and the girls had gossiped about him, even though heâd done nothing of importance.
When her shift was over, the first thing Chaewon did was take off her apron, then dragged you to the bathroom, where she drilled you for details about your cinema âdateâ with Sunghoon.Â
âIt was not a date, it just ended up being the two of us because the others couldnât make it,â you insisted, but she wasnât having it. âThereâs nothing to say anyway. We got there, talked a bit, watched the movie, walked here, and thatâs it.â
Chaewon sighed, shaking her head as she reapplied her lip gloss. A small smile made its way onto your lips. âI think heâs into someone else anyway.âÂ
You noticed how her hand faltered for a split second. âOh yeah? Who?â she asked, trying to appear nonchalant, but you knew your friend too well.Â
âIâm sure youâll figure it out.âÂ
Unbeknownst to either of you, the discussion between the boys back at the table was not too different from yours.
âBro, Iâm literally going to kill you,â Sunghoon whisper-yelled even though you were way out of earshot already. âDo you know how awkward that was?â
âJust so you know, I had nothing to do with this,â Jay said. âI told him that putting two socially constipated idiots like you wouldnât end well, but he wouldnât listen.â
âY/Nâs not an idiot!â Jake immediately reacted.
âAnd I am?!â Sunghoon retorted.
Jay just rolled his eyes.
âYou are, because this is the second time youâre alone together with the girl you like and you can barely make conversation with her.â
âFor the last time, I donât like her, I just called her cute once in freshman year-â
âSame thing!â
âJake, I donât know how many times I can tell you the same thing before you get it. Iâve been around Y/N enough to know I donât like her like that, okay? Weâve had two classes where we sat together for a whole semester, and weâve worked with other people in group projects. Not to mention, youâve made me sit through one of your practices with her. Sheâs nice. She sends me the homework when I miss class. She even laughs at my jokes sometimes. And her dog is super cute. Iâm sure weâd be better friends if we both didnât have crippling shyness, but I donât like her like that. I just donât.â
âBut how?!â
âWhat do you mean how? This sorta thing doesnât have any sort of reasonable answer, you just do or you donât. I donât. Clearly, you do.â
Jake heard the last part of Sunghoonâs words, and promptly decided to ignore them. He had to understand this first - heâd figure out his feelings later. âThis whole time, I thought you were just downplaying your feelings, âcause youâre an awkward asshole who doesnât do emotions,â he said, eyes tightly shut and holding his head, the confusion making his brain hurt.
âOkay, ouch. But no, I wasnât. I really donât know what got into your head.â
âI know what got into his head,â Jay said. Both of his friends looked at him questioningly, so he went on. âWhen Sunghoon mentioned Y/N, you probably thought she was super cute too, Jake. But because of bro code and whatnot, you didnât wanna show any interest. And then as you saw her around more, you probably liked her more, but you thought Sunghoon liked her, so you sort of gave him your crush on her instead of dealing with it. You lived vicariously through him, basically. Except youâre an idiot because he doesnât even like her like that, so you couldâve shot your shot a long time ago already. I donât know why you didnât just listen to him, to be honest,â Jay finished, shrugging.
âYou also thought he liked her!â Jake retorted.
âThatâs besides the point. The point is that youâre stupid.â
âBut- but, what about all those times you talked about her? I didnât make those up!âÂ
Sunghoon rolled his eyes. âThe most I ever said about her was something like, Y/N and I both forgot our textbook today, or Y/N brought cookies for the class because itâs her birthday. You were always the one to notice her everywhere and go, Thereâs your crush, or something.â
Jake sighed, defeated. He could admit Sunghoon was right about something, and he was wrong - but he hated that Jay was also right. Had he really managed to bury his feelings for you all these years just for what he thought was Sunghoonâs sake? Sure, he was a loyal friend, but that felt a little much.
âWhatever,â he mumbled, recoiling from his friendsâ expectant gazes and taking a sad bite of his cheeseburger. âItâs not like she likes me back, or anything.âÂ
He watched in confusion as Sunghoon let out a loud groan, screwing his eyes shut and taking his head in his hands as if it hurt. âThis is so frustrating, Iâm going to kill myself.â
Jake turned to Jay for some sort of explanation to their friendâs sudden suicidal thoughts, but Jay just looked back at Jake with disgust. âWhen did you become so dumb? I swear you didnât use to be like this,â he said, shaking his head in disappointment.
Jakeâs eyes flickered between his two friends in utter dismay. âWhat?â
âJake,â Jay started. âDo you really, honestly, genuinely think Y/N doesnât like you?â
The boy leaned back in his seat with a pout. âYeah,â he mumbled.
Sunghoonâs head whipped up at this. Jake gulped at the intense glare his friend fixed him with - heâd never looked so angry with him, and it made Jake wonder what on Earth he could have said or done that made Sunghoon so upset. âWhy?â he asked simply, but the frustration was evident in his voice.
Your diary popped up in Jakeâs head. What he had read was clear. Of course, the entry dated from over a month ago now, but why would your feelings have changed since then? Jake sighs deeply, getting ready to reveal to his friends what heâd seen, but then he sees you and Chaewon emerging from the bathroom. âTheyâre coming back,â he mumbled.
It was Sunghoon and Jayâs turn to sigh. âJust pay attention to her, Jake, okay?â Jay instructed, giving his friend an intent look.
âI already do,â Jake replied, frowning.
âNo, really pay attention to her. Then use your pea-sized brain for once in your life, and maybe youâll realize something.â
A strongly-worded reply was on the tip of Jakeâs tongue, but all thoughts of violence and murdering his friend were replaced by images of rainbows and pretty flowers when you smiled at him. He felt like the biggest of idiots for liking you so much and only realizing it now.
âHi,â he said dumbly as you found your seat next to him again, then stole a french fry from you even though he had many left himself. When you gasped at his audacity, he just giggled.
âHey!â you exclaimed in protest before stealing a fry back.Â
If you hadnât been so caught up in your little world, youâd have noticed the knowing look your three friends exchanged and their simultaneous eye roll.Â
â
The following Monday, you decided to have your tutoring session at your house instead of Jakeâs. His mom was away at a convention for the week, so youâd have to take the bus anyway - since your house was two stops earlier, you offered to switch it up for once. Jake had never actually been inside your house and was curious to see what it was like, so he eagerly agreed.Â
Kiwi was happy to see him and followed the two of you around the house as you gave Jake a quick tour before going up to your room. When you reached the top landing, you realized that Kiwi was still at the bottom of the stairs and was looking up at you expectantly. âIs she not allowed upstairs?â Jake asked.
âUsually not, but I let her come up when my momâs not here. Come on Kiwi! Itâs okay!â
Kiwi didnât need to be told twice - she trudged her little body up the stairs, and you couldnât help but giggle at her adorableness. âSheâs so cute,â you cooed, looking at your dog with a huge smile on your face.
âShe really is,â Jake agreed, but when you turned your head to face him, he wasnât looking at Kiwi - he was looking straight at you, a softness in his eyes that made your stomach turn. He snapped out of it when he noticed your round, surprised eyes, and cleared his throat. âSo, whereâs your room?â he asked, looking around the hallway and avoiding your gaze.
âOver there,â you replied, fighting the smile that tried to make its way to your lips as you headed towards your room, Jake and Kiwi following right behind.Â
You told Jake to wait for a second as you went to get a second chair. When you came back, he was standing in front of your shelves, upper body slightly bent forwards to observe all the decorations and framed pictures closer. You placed the chair next to your desk then joined him, answering all the questions he had about the items on your shelves. Whoâs this? When was this? Where did you get this? In his defense, you really did have a lot of things - you were trying to get rid of your hoarding habits, but you got attached to every small thing that held some sort of significance. You went to sit at the edge of your bed and just watched him, his eyes glinting with curiosity.
It reminded you of the first time youâd been to his house, how upset heâd seemed when you talked about his baby pictures and how you hadnât wanted to risk looking at all the stuff in his room. You were also curious about things like that, and you wondered once again what had bothered him so much. The question was burning your tongue - although you were nervous to ask it, not wanting to upset Jake once more, you now knew him well enough to know he wasnât the type to stay mad for long.Â
âCan I ask you something?â
âSure,â Jake replied, fingers toying with your favorite Littlest Pet Shop figurine you had kept from when you were eight.
âWhy didnât you want me to look at your baby photos that one time?â
Jake paused at your words. He stood up straight and set the figurine back on the shelf. He glanced at you before walking over to your bed and taking a seat next to you, leaning back on his palms while you rested your hands underneath your thighs.Â
âYou probably noticed I donât mention my dad, right? Or the fact that heâs never home?âÂ
You nodded in response. You had noticed it, but youâd never brought the topic up in case it might be sensitive. Jake sighed. âHe passed away when I was six.â
You turned your head towards him. To your surprise, his face remained expressionless - you couldnât detect any sort of sadness or anger in his features, as if he was just reciting a fact. His uncharacteristic numbness upset you even more than any tears could have.Â
He met your gaze and gave you a small smile. âI was so young that I only have very vague memories of him, like playing soccer together in the backyard or a trip to the beach with my parents and my brother. I only remember his face and his voice from the photos and videos my mom has shown me.â He sighed again, shifting forwards and resting his hands in his lap, fiddling with his fingers. âSo when I see these pictures, they sort of just remind me of what Iâve lost? I really donât like lingering on them. I sort of just ignore them every time I walk up or down the stairs.â
âIâm sorry, I wouldnât have mentioned them if Iâd known-â
Jake is quick to shake his head. âNo, no, donât be sorry. You couldnât have guessed.â You want to comfort Jake in some way, thank him for telling you something so personal, but youâre not sure what words to use - so, instead, you take one of his hands in yours and bring it to your lap, then cover it with your other one. Your eyes meet for a second - he looks slightly taken aback at first, but then, his eyes drift down to your joined hands, and a small blush spreads on his cheeks.
âIâm- Iâm okay, really. Like I said, it happened so long ago that Iâm used to not having a dad now. It almost feels like itâs always been that way, which makes it even weirder to think it wasnât. Itâs just⊠It feels weird to miss someone I barely remember so much, you know?â
You nodded and let out a low hum. âI do know.â Jake tilted his head at you, silently asking you to go on. âItâs different, but I get that feeling of missing something you barely remember. I have these blurry memories of my parents being happy together and the three of us being a happy family, and then all of a sudden itâs hearing arguments from my room and my dad moving out, and theyâre asking me, Do you wanna live with mom or dad?â
You watched as Jake moved his hand slightly, intertwining your fingers together and squeezing your hand. âI was older than you were when they divorced, so I guess I have more memories to hold onto, but they hurt more than anything.â You let out a deep sigh. âMy dad cheated, so itâs not like I wished my mom had stayed with him, but I was too young to understand what was happening. I just wanted my parents together again.âÂ
When you lifted your head to look at him, he met your gaze, and his eyes were so soft yet so intense, like he was seeing right into you. Then he chuckled. âDo you ever get jealous of other peopleâs parents?â he asks, a shy smile playing on his lips.
âAll the time,â you admitted with a chuckle, relieved to find out you werenât the only one. âYena has been blessed with these like, practically perfect parents that are still in love after twenty years, never argue and have a healthy relationship with all of their kids. Iâm so in awe every time I see them.â
âSunghoonâs parents are like that. I feel terrible, but every time they come to cheer him on at his competitions, I just get so jealous, wishing I also had three people coming to see my games and not just two. And I always feel so silly for feeling that way.â
âYouâre not silly for that, Jake,â you said, and the honesty in your voice seemed to take him aback slightly. A grin spread on your lips. âYou may be silly for other things, but not for that,â you teased, making him chuckle. âI can be your third person, if you want,â you said softly, lightly bumping your shoulder against his.
His eyes seemed to light up at your words, and your smile couldnât help but get wider at his reaction - that was, until he raised an eyebrow, almost defiantly. âYeah? I thought you found soccer boring,â he said with a playful smirk.
âItâs not boring if youâre the one playing,â you replied. A small noise of surprise escaped his throat before he could help it, not expecting you to be so forward, and you both burst into giggles.Â
He cleared his throat when you both calmed down and stood up straighter, trying to put on a cool front. âOf course it isnât.â He turned his head to look out the window, and the sight of the sunlight perfectly hitting his features and turning his dark brown eyes a hazel color almost took your breath away. âItâs really nice out,â he suddenly said. He turned back to you, a mischievous glint in his eyes. âHow about we ditch the tutoring for today and go out?â
His eyes drifted down to your lips, watching as a smile tugged at the corners of your own. âIâm in.â
That was how you found yourselves sitting at a bench in the park close to your house, eating ice cream and watching Kiwi and Layla play together. You tried each otherâs ice cream, and you regretted your choice of simple vanilla and strawberry as soon as Jakeâs mango ice cream touched your tongue. Your eyes widened at the amazing taste - it felt like you had bit into an actual mango.Â
âGood, right?â Jake asked, chuckling at your reaction.
âWhat the heck, yours is so much better than mine,â you mumbled, pouting at the ice cream in your cup like it had personally hurt you.
Jake thought for a second, looking back and forth between your upset expression and his own cup. âWanna switch?â
Your heart was screaming yes, but your brain was screaming no. You tried your best to appear genuine when you smiled at him. âNo, donât worry about it. I still like mine.â You looked at him as you scooped another spoonful into your mouth as if to prove to him you were happy with your choice, even going so far as to hum in delight.
Jake just chuckled and shook his head at you, taking your cup and giving you his anyway. You were about to protest until he started eating your ice cream, imitating your previous hum. You quietly accepted the exchange, smiling as you tasted the mango ice cream again and trying to ignore the fact that Jake hadnât switched the spoons with the cups, so you were using his and he was using yours.Â
As you ate in silence, occasionally chuckling at your dogsâ antics, Jake stole some glances at you. He wasnât sure why you looked so much prettier today than all the times heâd seen you before. Or maybe you were just as pretty as youâd always been, and he was just finally letting himself admit it.Â
He may have had many friends, but there werenât many people Jake was truly himself around. He always felt the need to be this friendly, outgoing guy that made it seem like everything was going well in his life, but with you, he felt like it was okay to stop pretending. He felt like it was okay to ask for help, like it was okay to reveal the darker parts of his life.
Now that Jay and Sunghoon had practically forced him to see the truth, Jake didnât know what to do about his feelings for you. He finally understood why he always looked forward to your tutoring sessions, why he was so excited whenever he walked past you in the hallways, and why he was so bothered about you and Sunghoon getting along.
Sunghoon. Because even if Jake now knew that he liked you, he also knew that you liked someone else. And what was the point of letting himself fall for you even more when there was no happy ending in sight for him? Heâd only get hurt in the end.
Just as the thought hit him, you turned to look at him and meet his gaze, a soft smile on your lips. Every time you smiled at him like that, Jake felt like he was watching a movie. Everything happened in slow-motion, with flowers falling around you and violins playing in the background. Jake almost felt sick, knowing he was only the second lead in your romance movie. He was the stupid werewolf and Sunghoon was the vampire that glistened in the sun and got the girl. (You had convinced him to watch Twilight, saying it was a mandatory watch to understand who you were as a person. Of course, Jake had streamed it that same night. The soundtrack was surprisingly good.)
Your voice snapped him out of his downward-spiraling thoughts. âYou know, I almost got scared that Sunghoon would appear out of thin air and start hanging out with us.â
Jake tried not to sneer at the mention of his best-friend-turned-number-one-nemesis. âWhy? Wouldnât you like that?â he mumbled, clearly doing a poor job of seeming unaffected.
You frowned, then lowered your head, focusing your gaze on your almost-finished ice cream. âNo, Iâd rather if it was just the two of us.â Jakeâs eyes widened, unsure if heâd heard that correctly or not. But before he could say anything in response, you spoke again. âItâs just, he was there when I came to watch your practice and when I thought we were all going to see a movie together, it was just him and me. You wouldâve liked that movie, by the way,â you said, looking up at Jake with a smile.
Jakeâs heart swelled. He wasnât sure what what you were saying all meant, but unconsciously, his lips mirrored yours and he smiled back at you. Until he remembered you didnât like him, and his smile fell immediately. Obviously, you had no idea what he was thinking, so his sudden stony expression sent alarms ringing through your head.
âItâs not that I donât like him, or anything,â you said, panicked, and Jake had to keep himself from scoffing, âitâs just that- you know. Itâs nice to hang out with you outside of tutoring sessions,â you finished, mumbling.Â
Jake had no idea what you were saying, so he stayed quiet, watching as Kiwi and Layla ran around in circles. You liked Sunghoon, so why would you rather hang out with Jake and not him? You werenât making any sense.Â
You, on the other hand, were not liking Jakeâs uncharacteristic silence. In hopes of getting his attention, you crossed one leg over the other, shifting on the bench to face him. âPlus, donât you think he and Chaewon really hit it off the other night? I think that was the most Iâve ever heard him talk,â you said, trying to lighten the atmosphere. To your dismay, it didnât work. You didnât know whether he was sulking or genuinely upset - all you knew was you desperately wanted to see a smile on his pretty face again.
âJakey?â you called out, and your voice sounded so small it hurt his heart. He hummed in response, only glancing at you for a fraction of a second. âIs everything okay?â
âYeah, why wouldnât it be?â he replied, scooping the last of the ice cream in his mouth. As he tasted the strawberry and vanilla flavors, he couldnât believe he had given his precious mango ice cream up all for a girl who didnât even like him back. What a fool.
âI donât know, youâre all- weird, all of a sudden, for lack of a better word.â You searched for some sort of an answer in his eyes, but he supplied you with none.Â
Jake sighed deeply. He could feel the ugly mix of emotions in his belly turning into anger - anger at what exactly, he wasnât sure, but he didnât want to lay it on you. âItâs just the heat, itâs making me tired,â he said. Sure, it was warm for a May afternoon, but it wasnât that hot. But you didnât want to push it.
âShould we go home?â you offered, and the worry in your voice made him feel even worse. He just couldnât understand why you were being so nice to him. He knew you probably just thought you were looking after a friend, but he'd rather you not care about his well-being and leave him be. He didnât need one more reason to like you - he already had plenty of those.Â
He nodded, mustering as convincing a smile as he could. âSure.âÂ
The walk home was much quieter than usual. You could feel that Jake was keeping something to himself, and it was killing you; but whatever it was, you wanted him to tell you when he felt ready and not feel forced to. Your hand was aching, desperate to reach out and grab his as you had done before, but you were afraid that would only push him away even further. So you stayed silent most of the time, only commenting on the things around you or speaking a thought out loud when you thought it might make Jake smile. Every time his lips curled up, even ever so slightly, your heart swelled with relief.
Unbeknownst to you, Jake was making up his mind. He knew he needed time away from you to gather his feelings before he could see you as a friend again.Â
When you reached your house, Jake waited outside with the dogs as you grabbed his bag heâd left upstairs. You hugged goodbye as always, but this one was different - it lasted a few seconds longer than usual, and you could swear Jake held you tighter than he normally would. It felt like he was saying goodbye for more than just a couple days.
You didnât understand why it made your heart ache so much.
â
The next day, when you walked past Jake and Sunghoon in the hallway, Jake barely glanced at you and only tilted his head in your general direction instead of his usual wide grin and wave. You were so shocked by his sudden snubbing that you halted in your steps right away, looking behind you at his retreating figure. You locked eyes with Sunghoon, who seemed just as confused as you felt. He shrugged at you before returning to his friend and nudging his arm.
On Wednesday morning, you got a text from Jake that he couldnât make it to your tutoring session that afternoon because of an extra soccer practice to prepare for their game that weekend, something he had never mentioned before.
Thursday and Friday werenât very different, and your heart became heavier with every time you walked past each other and he acted like you werenât even there. You desperately wanted to know what youâd done wrong, why heâd started to reply in one-word sentences instead of his usual voice messages and tons of emojis, but no matter how much you cogitated, you couldnât figure it out. Even when you asked him how his game had gone, a dry Good stared back at you from your phone screen.
That Saturday, your girlfriends came over. Yena had brought beads and strings to make accessories out of, and the mere sight of them had brought fond memories back to all four of you - during your first sleepover in freshman year, this was the exact activity that had kept you occupied for hours.Â
You got started on them immediately, each finding a comfortable spot in your room as soft music played in the background. You lay on your bed while Chaewon and Yena took over the floor and Hyewon sat at your desk.
âIâm gonna make one of those phone accessories,â Yena said excitedly, reaching for the biggest, most colorful beads.
âIâm gonna make couple bracelets for Jaemin and I,â Hyewon said somewhat shyly but beaming. Yena and Chaewon groaned at her words, but they gave you an idea.
âYou guys are vomit-inducing,â Yena replied, and if you didnât know your friend any better, just going off the tone of her voice, youâd have thought she was being serious. Hyewon just rolled her eyes, used to this daily slander she received simply for being in a relationship.
âIâll make something for my little sister,â Chaewon butted in, and you and Yena simultaneously âawwâed.Â
âSo itâs aww when Chaewon does it for her sister, and itâs vomit-inducing when I do it for my boyfriend?â Hyewon exclaimed, appalled.
âLittle sisters are cute. Boyfriends are gross,â Yena replied matter-of-factly, making you giggle.
âWhatever. You guys are just jealous that youâre dying alone and Iâm not. What are you making, Y/N?â she asked before Yena could retort again. The two exchanged a glare as you thought over your answer.
âIâm not saying,â you replied with a giggle.Â
âSheâs making one for Jake, that evil wench,â Chaewon immediately said, making your eyes widen. Yena gasped dramatically while Hyewon smiled at you.
âHow did you know?â you asked Chaewon.
âJust your face. Youâre so obvious,â she snickered.Â
âYouâre a traitor, Y/N!â Yena exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at you, and you hid your face in your hands, muttering an apology. âWasting time and energy on a boy.â
âDonât listen to her, Y/N. Whatever it is you make, heâll be super happy you thought of him. Then heâll finally ask you out and youâll live happily ever after, just like me and Jaemin,â Hyewon said with a serene smile on her face. Chaewon and Yena exchanged a look, then faked a gagging sound. âSo bitter,â Hyewon muttered, shaking her head at your friends.
âIâm not sure about that,â you sighed. âI just want to be friends again. Heâs been ignoring me all week.â
All three snapped their heads up at you. âHeâs been ignoring you?â Yena echoed, and you meekly nodded. âGive me his phone number. No, give me his address. Iâm going there right now,â she said, already sitting up.
âGosh, Yena, itâs fine,â you said, gesturing at her to sit back down, laughing at your friendâs seriousness. âIâll see him on Monday anyway, I can just see how he behaves then.â
Yena didnât look convinced, but she yielded anyway. âIf he hurts you, I swear Iâll give him a stern talking to. And a broken nose.â You laughed as you thanked your friend.Â
Hyewon asked for more details about this Jake situation, so you filled your friends in about his mysterious behavior that week. Chaewon had been the only one to see it firsthand, when youâd walked to a class together and Jake had walked past you without saying anything. You told them about his sparse answers to your texts, his lack of response to the TikToks you sent him. He wasnât even reacting to your BeReals anymore. It was just such a complete switch-up in attitude that you had no idea what to make of it. They tried to come up with reasons for it, but it really didnât make much sense. It just felt like he suddenly decided to hate you - or maybe you had been interpreting everything wrong, and the two of you had never been friends in the first place.Â
âThis is so confusing,â Chaewon suddenly said, seeming lost in thought. âI thought for sure that he liked you.â
âLiked⊠me?â you echoed.
âYeah. Just the way he was when we were at the diner. He kept looking at you and was always smiling and blushing whenever you talked to him. Also the way Jay and Sunghoon were behaving. Boys are so obvious when their friend likes someone, itâs like theyâre trying to fumble it for him. And I mean, anyone with functioning eyes can see that you like him too, so I donât know why heâs doing this all of a sudden.â
Yena sighed. âBoys are stupid.â
âThat, they are,â you agreed, sighing as well and returning your attention to your craft. Maybe a simple gift like this wouldnât fix what was going on between you and Jake, but you had to at least try. You couldnât let go of your friendship so easily.
Even though it seemed as though he could.
Nothing changed the next week. On Monday, you woke up to a text that pulled your heart down into your stomach.
jakey-poo i think we should stop tutoring each other for now
For an hour as you ate breakfast and got ready for school, you ruminated over your answer, only to ask him a simple why? in the end.
jakey-poo iâm to busy w soccer practice and other stuff
we can start again when exams are near
you oh okay
You felt pathetic, but you had no idea what to say. You couldnât force him into this, and you definitely couldnât show up at his house and demand a better explanation. If you were Yena or Chaewon, maybe you could - but you werenât. You couldnât even bring yourself to ask him if the two of you could still hang out outside of that, so scared you were for his inevitable rejection.
During the week, you tried to find a time when you could give him your small handmade gift, but Jake wasnât even looking you in the eyes anymore. The only time you made eye contact with him over those five days was on Wednesday at lunch - as you walked into the cafeteria, you scanned the whole room, unconsciously searching for him. When you did, he was already looking at you - he was close enough for you to see the slight frown in his eyebrows, the lack of the usual glint in his eyes. But as soon as heâd seen youâd found him, he turned away. You only looked away when Chaewon called out your name.
In the few classes you had together, he always slipped away before you could get to him. Him walking past you like he couldnât even see you broke your heart a little bit more every time, and by Friday, you had completely given up. Your friendship with Jake was over, and you had no idea why, no idea who or what to blame.
Monday and Wednesday afternoons felt empty now that you had gotten used to spending them with him, and you couldnât even walk Kiwi without missing him. He seemed to miss Jake and Layla too - heâd sometimes tilt his head at you as if asking where your new friends were, and when you got to the park, heâd gloomily stick to you instead of running around like he usually would, especially when Layla was there.
The worst part was at night, when your thoughts kept you up. Youâd reread your and Jakeâs text conversations, wondering what went so wrong so quickly, warm tears spilling from your eyes out of sadness and tiredness. On those nights, youâd sneak Kiwi up to your room and let him cuddle up to you in your bed. Youâd comfort each other that way.
You had no idea that a couple kilometers away, Jake lay in bed sleepless as well, Layla at the edge of his bed and whining in her sleep. You had no idea that missing you had carved a deep hole in his chest.
â
Enough was enough.
It had been days since Layla had last seen Kiwi, and to a young pup like her, that felt like eternity. Lately, Jake hadnât seemed happy to go on walks with her like he used to, and he barely had any energy to play with her. She also hadnât seen you in days, and she wondered if that had anything to do with Jakeâs recent despondency.Â
But thankfully, Layla was a smart girl, so she knew exactly what to do to fix this dire situation. On Friday, she waited for Jake to come back from soccer practice and take her on a walk. As soon as they reached the sidewalk outside of their house, she pulled on her leash in the opposite direction of their usual route. Jake tried pulling her the other way, but she wouldnât budge.
âWeâre going that way, Layla,â Jake said, amused by his dogâs sudden stubbornness. Layla barked back. âCome on!âÂ
She was really not moving. âWe never go that way,â Jake said, sighing. âThat wayâs the-â
Thatâs when he realized. Layla wanted to go to the park you went to with Kiwi. âBut what if we ran into them?â Jake asked.Â
Layla barked again. She wanted to say, Thatâs exactly why I want to go there, but of course Jake didnât understand. He sighed again and obliged, letting Layla lead the way. She had a good feeling that sheâd finally see her friends again today.Â
Jakeâs heart started beating faster with every step he took, knowing that you might be out right now, too. When heâd seen you at school, youâd seemed as sad as he was, and he felt terrible for perhaps being the reason behind it - but he didnât know what else to do. He could either spare your feelings or his. If this was hurting you, he knew youâd move on quickly enough anyway - and when he came to terms with being just friends with you, heâd come back, and everything would be perfect like it used to be. Foolproof plan.
If there was one thing Jake had learned from the tutoring sessions with you, it was that the weather always reflected the protagonistâs inner thoughts. If they were upset, it would be gray and rainy - if they were happy, it would be warm and sunny. Jake glared at the sun, just another reminder that he wasnât the main character in this story. If he was, it would be thundering and lightning would be striking.
As if his life was a joke, two minutes after Jake and Layla had walked into the park, he saw you. At least you were facing the other direction, so you couldnât see him, and he could redirect his route to avoid you. But he let himself indulge in the moment for a few seconds. You had laid out a picnic blanket for you and Kiwi and rested on your stomach with your elbows propping you up, reading a book. Kiwi slept peacefully next to you - this dog was the furthest thing from a guard dog Jake had ever seen. You kicked your feet up in the air, flip flops discarded to the side of the blanket. Jake was happy to see you like this, enjoying the warmth of this sunny May afternoon.Â
He was about to walk away, but a sudden movement caught his eye. Two school kids started running to you, and before you could even register their presence, one of them snatched your flip flops and they both sprinted away, shrieking with laughter like two little devils. Where the hell were their parents?!
Without thinking, Jake started running after them, and so did Kiwi and Layla.Â
âHey! Come back here!â Jake yelled, hoping in vain that these kids would listen to someone older than them. Kiwi did his best, but his tiny legs didnât allow for such a chase - Layla, barking loudly at the thieves, was the first to reach them, and she managed to scare them so much, they tripped over their feet. But unlike them, she was well-behaved, so she sat once her job was done and waited for Jake to arrive.Â
âWhat are you two doing? You canât just steal other peopleâs things!â he admonished, holding onto his knees as he tried to catch his breath.
Both kids were already teary-eyed. âWe just wanted to play a prank, weâre sorry!â one of them quickly said, voice shaky.
âItâs not to me you should apologize, but to her,â Jake said, turning around to point in your direction. Thatâs when he noticed you sitting on your knees, hands covering your face as your shoulders trembled. âYou made her cry!â Jake exclaimed, tone much angrier than seconds prior. âLetâs go,â he said, grabbing the kids by their shoulders and forcing them to keep up with his quick steps.
You didnât notice their presence in front of you until Jake prompted them. At the sound of the all too familiar voice, you whipped your head up. Jake swore he heard his heart breaking when he saw your red eyes and tear-streaked cheeks. You barely heard the kidsâ apology, so amazed you were at suddenly seeing Jake.
âWeâre sorry for stealing your flip-flops and making you cry,â the first one said.
âSorry,â repeated the other one, handing you your shoes.
âOh, right. Thanks, just donât do it again,â you replied, sniffing as you took back your shoes.
âWe wonât!â they replied in unison before running away once more.
Jake stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, unsure what to say. He watched you stare at your flip flops like youâd never seen them before in your life. âYouâre not going to thank me for catching those delinquents?â he asked after a small while, chuckling slightly.
This made you look up at him. He gulped as your eyes met. Then, you burst into sobs again, and Jake started panicking. He crouched down to your level, first holding you by the shoulders then forcing your head out of your hands so he could wipe away your tears with the pads of his thumbs.
âNo no no, why are you crying, Y/N?â he asked softly, pulling you into a hug.
You continued crying into his shoulder, ignoring Kiwi and Laylaâs confused stares. âYou- you- I havenât seen you in ages!â you exclaimed.
Jake sighed. He didnât understand why you were crying like this for him, all he knew was that heâd never felt so awful. âIâm sorry, Y/N,â he whispered into your hair, pulling your shaking body closer to him. âIâm sorry.â
You leaned back to glare at Jake, your bottom lip jutting out in discontent. âDo you even know how much I missed you?â
Jake held your head in his hands like it was the most precious thing in the world. Mouth agape in surprise, he looked at you with sad eyes. âYou⊠you did?â
Your eyebrows creased. âOf course I did!â Another sob rippled through your body, and Jake took you back in his arms, wrapping them around your shoulders and resting his cheek against your hair.Â
âI missed you too.â
âThen why did you do this?â you asked, voice breaking.
âBecause I didnât want to get hurt,â Jake whispered back. âBut I didnât think Iâd hurt you. Iâm so sorry, Y/N.â
You leaned back again, but this time, you looked confused rather than angry. His eyes were soft as they scanned your face and as he brushed strands of your hair back behind your ears. âWhy would you get hurt?â you asked again, bringing your voice to the same volume as his.
Jake sighed and squeezed his eyes shut for a second, as if in pain, before opening them again and boring them into yours. âI like you so, so much Y/N. So much so that I donât know what to do with myself. But I know that you donât feel the same way, and I was scared that by staying by your side, Iâd just fall in love with you even more and get hurt in the end. So I pushed you away because I didnât know what else to do, but Iâm so sorry I- Youâre crying again?â
Your fists grabbed at the front of Jakeâs t-shirt as sobs raked through your body once more. It was official - Jake was the stupidest person youâd ever met. And you were in love with him.
âWhy are you crying?â
âBecause I like you too, you idiot!â you yelled back. Your tears were probably staining his t-shirt, but you couldnât care less. He liked you. Jake liked you.
You were too busy crying to see Jakeâs eyes slowly widening in disbelief. âYou what?!â
Gently, Jake pushed your shoulders back so he could look at you. Even with puffy eyes and a runny nose, you were the prettiest girl heâd ever seen. Pretty like an angel that had graced the Earth with her presence. âYou what?â he repeated, just to hear you say it again.
âI like you, Jake. Iâm so in love with you it's actually pathetic,â you said with a chuckle, looking down out of shyness. But when you looked back up, Jakeâs eyes were going back and forth between yours, the expression on his face like he couldnât believe what heâd just heard but desperately hoped it was true.
As you locked eyes, both of your faces lit up with grins. You burst into laughter together, finding each otherâs hands and intertwining your fingers together. Then Jake brought you back into his arms, holding tightly, as if he was scared you might disappear any second. Kiwi and Layla had long walked away to give the two of you some needed privacy.
In each otherâs arms, you rocked side to side gently and laughed for no reason other than the incredible fact your feelings were reciprocated. âYou stink, you know,â you suddenly said in-between giggles. âYou sweat while you ran after those kids.â
âI sweat? You mean I swote, right?â Jake asked a pause.
You leaned back to look at Jake. âSwote?â you echoed, and he nodded. Your umpteenth smile made your cheeks lift. âYou have to be kidding-â
âI am,â Jake cut off, mirroring your smile. âI just wanted to make you laugh.â
You gasped and lightly punched his chest before letting your body fall against his again. âYouâre so silly,â you said, sighing in bliss at the sound of his giggles.
Then all of a sudden, Jake pulled away and looked at you, almost frightened. âWhat about Sunghoon?âÂ
âWhat about him?â you asked back, confused by Jakeâs question.
âI thought you- Didnât you- you knowâŠâ
You tilted your head at Jake, a small grin spreading on your lips again. âI donât know.â
âI thought you liked himâŠâ Jake mumbled, looking away with a pout.
Before you could stop it, a noise of confusion left your throat. You looked at Jake like he was insane. âI can barely have a conversation with Sunghoon, what made you think I liked him?â
Jake pursed his lips and let a resigned puff of air out of his nose. âI, um- Remember when we mixed our backpacks up?â he asked and you nodded, smiling at the fun memory. âI may have, um, I may have read⊠your⊠diary,â he admitted, voice getting quieter with each word. He dared a glance at you - you looked horrified, eyes wide and mouth agape. âAnd you wrote that you liked Sunghoon,â he finished with a whisper.
It was silent for a few seconds, and Jake was bracing himself for a slap to the face or your screams, until you did the last thing Jake expected you to do - you laughed. You laughed so hard and for so long that he got scared you had gone insane and this was the first part of your mental breakdown before you murdered him in cold blood for having invaded your privacy. He wouldâve deserved it, he thought.
âI donât- oh my God, Jake, I donât- I donât like Sunghoon. I never really have, or not in the way you think, I canât- oh my God,â you explained in between giggles, trying to catch your breath but starting to laugh again every time you managed to compose yourself. Jake tried to laugh along, but he was too confused to do so properly.
âYouâre not mad?â Jake asked, eyebrows furrowed with worry.
âNo,â you replied, shaking your head and the last giggles out of your throat. âYou read it ages ago, and we didnât even know each other back then, thereâs no point in being mad now. Itâs just funny - I know exactly why you think I liked Sunghoon, but I didnât. Not really. And even if I did, those feelings are nothing compared to the ones I have for you now,â you said, beaming. A blush spread on Jakeâs cheeks, and you could tell he was trying (and failing) to contain a proud grin.
You explained to Jake the âcharacterâ thing you and your friends had going on and that Sunghoon (and hat guy) just happened to be one of them - you watched as Jake narrowed his eyes and slowly nodded, trying to understand this concept that was so foreign to him.Â
âYou know, it all makes a lot more sense now,â Jake said when you were explaining. âIt wouldâve been weird for you to like Sunghoon when I was right there.â He smirked down at you as you playfully rolled your eyes.Â
âOh my God!â you suddenly exclaimed, startling Jake in the process. Dramatic as always, he put a hand over his heart and exhaled loudly. âI have something for you. For us, actually.â You reached into your bag and got out the two accessories youâd made for you and Jake. âThese are for us to put on our backpacks, so that we donât confuse them again. They also match.â
Jakeâs eyes were fixated on the string of beads as you placed into his palm. âI tried to give it to you over the week, butâŠâÂ
A teardrop fell into Jakeâs palms, and when you looked at him, you realized heâd started crying. âJake?â you cooed softly, and he sniffled, wiping away the tears from his eyes.
As a response, he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and buried his face in your hair. âThank you. And Iâm sorry. I promise youâll never go a second without my undivided attention from now on,â he said, voice shaking with emotion, and you hummed happily.
âI wouldnât expect anything else.â
He leaned back, and you were relieved to find the familiar puppyish grin on his lips. You gazed into each otherâs eyes for a few seconds, and before he could stop himself, he grabbed your head in his hands and pressed a delicate kiss to your forehead. You raised your eyebrows in surprise, but when his face was back in front of yours, your eyes immediately drifted to his lips. They looked soft and plump and pink, and were utterly inviting. Every time youâd started daydreaming about kissing Jake, youâd stopped yourself, not wanting to over-indulge in your fantasies. But was this finally, really happening?
âY/N?â Jake said quietly. You could swear his face was getting closer.
âHm?â
âWill you be my girlfriend?â
Your face broke out into a grin. Without warning, you pressed your lips against Jakeâs - initially just for a peck, but as soon as you started pulling away, Jake chased after your lips and trapped them into a kiss, a proper one this time. Youâd never done this before, so it was naturally somewhat clumsy, but you and Jake were so giddy with excitement that you couldnât care less. So what if you were smiling so hard, your teeth clashed against his, or you kept bumping noses? You were kissing Jake Sim.Â
The second time around, he let you pull away to catch your breath, and you wished you could photograph the sight in front of you - Jake with flushed cheeks, closed eyes and a serene smile on his face. He was so pretty, and now, he was all yours.
When he opens his eyes and finds you looking at him, his smile widens. âIâll take that as a yes?â
âYes,â you echoed, laughing. You pressed your lips to his cheek before burying your face in the crook of his neck.
He hugged you to him and the sweet sound of his giggles filled your ears and your heart. âMy girl,â he whispered, before leaning his head back, face to the sky, and screaming it loud enough for the whole park to hear. You tried to shush him, but you couldnât stop laughing yourself out of sheer excitement. Layla and Kiwi came running back to you, barking happily and trying to lick your faces.Â
âI cried so much today, my eyes are gonna be puffy tomorrow morning,â you said between giggles.Â
Jake pressed his lips to yours in a chaste kiss. âIâll make sure you never cry again, Y/N,â he said, and he sounded so genuine, you almost wanted to cry again right then and there.
The rest of the afternoon went by in a blur - while you and Jake kissed, laughed, talked, and hugged, hours that felt like minutes passed you by. Jake kept on looking at the accessory you made him, poking fun at you for knowing his favorite color even though heâd never mentioned it.
âIt was a lucky guess,â you grumbled. âYour roomâs walls are that color,â you said, pointing to a particular dark blue bead.
âI love it,â he replied with a kiss to your forehead.
As always, he walks you home - and this time, you can take his hand without any hesitation. Your mom had come home from work while you and Jake were out, and you found her in the kitchen, prepping some veggies for dinner.Â
As soon as Jake introduced himself, a flash of revelation struck her and she shot you a knowing smirk. âSo youâre Jake,â she said, and the boy glanced at you with amused confusion. âThat one over there has been badgering me about you these past few weeks.â
Apparently, you agreeing to be his girlfriend had already gone to his head, because instead of looking surprised at your momâs words, he slowly turned to you with an arrogant smirk gracing his lips. âHas she?â
Your mom nodded slowly. âOh, yes.â Then her expression slowly morphed into something else as she remembered your red, puffy eyes from the other evening when youâd told her about what was going on with Jake. She raised her kitchen knife and pointed it straight to him, eyes narrowed. âIf you ever hurt my daughter again, Iâm putting you in the lasagna, young man.â
Jake gulped, smirk completely wiped off of his face. You just watched in amusement. âI- I wonât,â he stuttered, eyes fixed on the blade of the knife.
A wide grin reappeared on your momâs face as she went back to cutting the vegetables. âGood!âÂ
Jake looked at you for some sort of explanation, but you simply shrugged. Heâd just have to get used to your momâs crazy.Â
âYou know, youâre just as handsome as she described,â your mom told Jake with a wink.
âMom, please!â you exclaimed, cheeks burning with heat. You liked it better when she was threatening your boyfriend with a knife, but he was relieved by the new turn this conversation had taken.
âWhat else has she said?â
âOh, you know, just your typical heâs so smart, heâs so cute, heâs so funny-â
âOkay, thatâs it!â you cut in before your mom could spill more on you. You ignored Jakeâs noises of complaint as you grabbed him by the shoulders and led him towards the door. âI think itâs time for you to go home, no?âÂ
âY/N, come on!â Jake whined, giggling.Â
âWhy donât you stay for dinner, Jake?â your mom offered, making you stop in your tracks. You stared wide-eyed at her but she just looked at Jake, wearing an inviting smile.
âSure!â Jake beamed. âI just need to call my mom.â
âOh, invite her along! I always make enough to feed an army, anyway.â
âReally?â Jake asked, incredulous. Since his brother had left for university, it had always been just he and his mom at the dinner table. The thought of sharing a meal with you and your mom filled his heart with warmth.Â
âYeah!â
Jake smiled giddily as he got his phone out. âThanks, sheâll be stoked.â
Although you both wanted to help your mom, she urged you to stay outside with the dogs and enjoy the last rays of sunshine of the day, insisting she didnât need any help. So you and Jake spent some time throwing sticks for Kiwi and Layla and giggling at their cuteness. Kiwi quickly got exhausted and came to lie down at your feet, but Layla was tireless. âYour dog, your responsibility,â you said as you sat down next to Kiwi, rubbing his tummy and watching Jake throw the stick over and over again for Layla.
Jake was as relentless as Layla, and every time she ran after the stick, he ran to you and pressed a kiss to another part of your face, making you giggle every time. Once on your forehead, once on your nose, once on your cheek, then the other, and once on your lips.
Then his mom rang the bell, and as your mom opened the door for her, the oddest thing happened - they called out each otherâs name and hugged as if they were old friends. You and Jake exchanged a confused look before turning your attention back to them.
âWhat a coincidence!â
âRight! Such a small world, I canât believe youâre my daughterâs boyfriendâs mom.â
âBoyfriend? Gosh, has he finally asked her out? I was going crazy seeing him moping around in his room!â
âMom!â Jake yelled, face already reddening as you burst into laughter.
You joined them inside the house and set the table while your mom finished up dinner. Jakeâs mom had brought a bottle of red wine as a gift, so she poured two glasses for her and your mom, but you and Jake stuck to Sprite.Â
Apparently, they knew each other from some yoga class they both went to every Sunday - you found out this was the woman your mom often went out for lunch or drinks with. They were so excited to meet each other like this that they talked most of the time, leaving you and Jake to eat your food quietly and giggling every time you made eye contact or your feet touched under the table.Â
Just as you were about to take your last bite of lasagna, your phone pinged with a message. Curiously, so did Jakeâs. Chaewon had sent a message into the group chat, asking to meet her at work when her shift was done because she was craving an Oreo milkshake.
chae bae y/n u better come ik ur not doing anything better tonight anyway
You scoffed. You were doing something better.
âShit, todayâs Friday! The boys are waiting for me at the diner, I completely forgot,â Jake exclaimed as he read the messages on his phone.
âLanguage, Jake,â his mom scolded.
âAt the diner?â you repeated.
âYeah, that one we went to last time. Why?â Jake asked when he noticed your surprised expression.
âThatâs where Chaewon wants to meet.â
You both turned to your respective moms, silently asking for permission to leave the dinner table.
âJust go,â your mother said with a smile.
âIâll take Layla home later,â Jakeâs mom added.
You thanked them before rushing to get a bag and heading to the bus stop, hoping a bus would come by soon. Twenty minutes later, you were opening the doors of the diner and looking around for your friends, who were nowhere to be found. You were fishing your phone out of your pocket to call Chaewon when a familiar voice caught your and Jakeâs attention.
âWhat are they doing together?â you heard Jay say, followed by loud shushes. You turned your head to find all five of your friends (plus Jaemin) crammed in a booth in the corner that was somewhat hidden from the rest of the restaurant. But they were trying so hard to be discreet that it made their presence even more obvious - they hid their faces with their hands as if that would make them disappear from your view. You and Jake shared a look before chuckling, shaking your head at your friends.
âWhatever, theyâve clearly found us,â Jay sighed and exited the booth, walking towards the two of you.
âWere you guys trying to get us to make up or something?â Jake asked with an amused smile.
âYeah, we grouped up and planned this whole thing. It was a real team effort.â
âIt mightâve worked better if you hadnât all stayed here, you guys were so obvious,â you chided.
âTell that to your friends over there! They insisted on watching it unfold,â Jay grumbled, and you looked behind him to see your friends frantically waving at you.
You switched to a bigger booth that could accommodate all seven of you, and as soon as youâd placed your orders, Yena practically pounced on you, demanding an explanation as to how the two of you were already made up.
You turned to look at Jake and smiled at him before answering. âItâs all thanks to Kiwi, really,â you told Yena.
âKiwi? As in your dog Kiwi?â Chaewon asked with furrowed eyebrows.
âMh-hm.â In your peripheral, you noticed Jake tilting his head at you.
âYou mean Layla, right?â
You imitated his head movement. âNo, I mean Kiwi.â
âBut Layla made me go to the park today. I wouldnât have gone there if it wasnât for her,â Jake insisted, giving you an are you being serious look that you mirrored.
âI wasnât going to go outside at all but Kiwi kept bugging me to take him on a walk, thatâs why I was in the park in the first place. Itâs thanks to Kiwi,â you repeated.
âItâs thanks to Layla,â Jake retorted, playfully narrowing his eyes at you.
âTrouble in paradise,â Jaemin whispered, and Hyewon slapped his arm.
The whole table was silent as you and Jake stared each other down, waiting to see who would cave first. It was like everyone could breathe again when Jakeâs face broke out into a grin and he rested his arm behind your shoulders. âOkay, itâs thanks to Kiwi,â he conceded, making you hum in satisfaction. You rested your head on his shoulder and ignored Yenaâs groan of disgust at the PDA.
But Jake, as always, wasnât letting you off the hook so easily. âAnd Layla.â
â
02.06.202X - 12:18
rodrigo hater y/n i can see you being gross from across the courtyard
can u guys not feed each other
ur still on school grounds and ur ruining my day have some decency
sweet hyewon you guys are super cute <3Â
jaemin and i only have the same lunch period once a week i miss him
rodrigo hater ugh
wheres chaewon sheâd have my back
you hyewon love u yena frigg off
youâre not going to like thisâŠ
i think sheâs with sunghoon
rodrigo hater WHAT
sweet hyewon omg hahahaha saw it coming
cuuuuute
rodrigo hater i hate you all so much
youâre all kicked out of my celibacy club
chae bae we werenât part of it in the first place
rodrigo hater GO AWAY YOU TRAITOR
03.06.202X - 09:15
you jake wake upÂ
wake up wake up please
jake ???
R U okay?
you kiwi keeps whining i think he wants to see layla
come over?
jake .
did u just wake me up before 10 am on a sunday morning for this
you i made pancakes?
jake iâm going back to sleep
you but i miss you :(
jake running
07.06.202X - 16:39
stink #1 hey
jake no
stink #1 wtf man
jake im busy
stink #1 smooching ur girl?
jake yeah stay mad bro
stink #1 whereâs hoon
stink #2 heâs at ice skating practice with me <3
this is chaewon btw
jake AYO????
stink #1 HE GAVE YOU ACCESS TO HIS PHONE???
stink #2 hehehe bye losers
stink #1 oh my god jake this is huge
jake right⊠our little boy heâs grown so much
stink #1 iâm getting teary eyed
anyway i wanted to say i think we should invite the girls to bro night more often itâs always fun with them
jake oh?
if u wanna see yena just say so bro
stink #1 fuck u man
jake ur literally so obvious
you get 100% more obnoxious when sheâs around
stink #1 idc she laughs at my jokes
jake which is proof that thereâs something wrong w her
anyway iâll ask my girl about it
stink #1 ew and thx ^^
09.06.202X - 17:03
jakey-poo y/nnnnnn
y/n
hellloooooo
y/n y/n y/n
baby :((((
where are u
what r u doing
i miss you
hello y/n my baby darling angel pls answer me
layla misses you
you jake sim
jakey-poo HIIIIII
you jay is a genius
iâm anime pomodoroing the hell out of this essay itâs working so well
iâm almost done with it already
jakey-poo donât compliment another man ever again iâm going to cry
you but jayâs your friend
jakey-poo iâll kill him if i have to
you gosh okay
jayâs an idiot
jakey-poo hahaha he is
ice cream after dinner ???
you duh
31.07.202X - 21:03
jakey-poo iâm waiting for you outside the theater baby
we have a lot of talking to do.
i canât believe you kissed someone else in front of me
you jake baby
it was just acting <3 you know youâre the only one i really kiss
jakey-poo i know i am
so come here and kiss me quick you did so well and you were so pretty on stage and i love you so muchÂ
COME QUICK I WANNA KISS YOU
you iâm hurrying i promise but a lot of people are trying to talk to me :(
jakey-poo ofc they are you killed it
my babyâs already famous <3
you hehe
love you my jakey-poo
jakey-poo STOP IT WITH THAT
permanent taglist: @zreamy @sunghoonmybeloved @lalalalawon @sd211 @w3bqrl @raikea10 @wntrnghts @moonlighthoon @4imhry @rikisly @loves0ft @iamliacamila @theboingsuckerasseater9000 @chaechae-23 (ask to be removed/added!)
© asahicore on Tumblr, 2023. please do not repost, translate, or plagiarize my works. feedback and reblogs always appreciated!
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my angel baby [part 2]
(alastor w/ angel daughter reader)
[caution: NOT PROOFREAD oh and angst hehe]
(notes: alastor joins charlie and vaggie in heaven to convince them about the hazbin hotel. angel reader physically resembles a fawn. )
[tags: @luujjvi @c-lunette @mokisano @ghostdoodlen @wildfire153 @anonymousewrites @bewitchedbymadness @thisbitchreallyneedssleep @22carolina08 @original-person]
[remember if you want to keep in touch with a particular series I write, let me know in comments or messages you want to be tagged! you will only be tagged once unless specified that you want to be tagged till the end of a particular series!]
(also once again, apologies if alastorâs last name isnât actually altruist qwq itâll stick till the end of this fic but Iâll try not to mention it as much)
For the first time in years, you feared being in heaven.
Not that you felt unsafe, just that you felt incredibly uncomfortable seeing your serial killer dad who's now a demon be invited to be in the place where light and goodness is it's main foundation.. even reassuring yourself that it was temporary didn't calm you down when you were flying away from him. For your own sake you even avoided where the welcoming was happening.
Ahh but.. it also didn't help that he was following you around after the show without you knowing.
After the angels had performed their song to welcome in the princess of hell, her apparent partner, and-- him.. everyone sort of went their separate ways and the visitors from below started to relax in their new yet temporary places of stay. You felt a bit of relief when you assumed Alastor would also be setting himself in to relax as well.
During heaven's performance you decided to take a breather at a local coffee shop, one where you thankfully always had a spot there where you could hide away from the huge windows of the cafe.
Although right after that, unbeknownst to you at the time, Alastor was looking for you, but obviously pretended as if he was looking for a good bite to eat.. unfortunately for him he had to behave and he couldn't eat a living walking thing until after they came back home.
Oh how bummed out he was.
You were in a far corner inside the shop, as mentioned before anyone that was able to look in through the windows wouldn't be able to see you since you were out of view. Drinking your favorite beverage that the shop offered and eating a filling snack to relax your body and mind. Safe to say you were now more in touch with your feelings and weren't overly panicked as you once were.
'Why is he here.. is he an advisor to the princess? a companion?.. some kind of servant?.. she's really young though, perhaps she's ward to him or something.. but she has her.. dad.. and I'm sure he must be alive still.. ' You thought, different theories and ideas passing by in and out your head trying to make sense of the situation.
'perhaps.. he's here to see me?..' you hoped, then scolded yourself right after,
'nono.. I can't be wanting that.. sure he raised you but he's a monster. he killed you, _____. get a grip..' you sighed deeply while massaging your temples in frustration 'even if he seemed to not.. have meant to do that. he tried to kill someone else anyway, that poor man could've died instead of you.' you tried to reason with yourself, coming to a single conclusion in the end.
Eyes glued to your drink. staring at it with intensity.
"I regret nothing." you claimed to yourself in a low mumble, not enough for anyone close to hear.
Ahh.. but you did miss him very much.. the version of him that you grew up with at least.
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You were in your warm and humble home with your father. It was a fairly cold night with rain dropping onto the roof of your home yet the warmth of the house seemed to make the cold seem almost cozy to you.
Your small footsteps could be heard running around the house, as your little seven year old self ran around you seemed to be giggling uncontrollably with a peculiar circular item in your hand.
"No running in the house _____, remember what I told you." Alastor exclaimed in slight irritation as he could hear you from afar while he was cleaning up the table from the dinner you two just had, he started slightly missing the times when you didn't know how to walk and when you simply just blabbered baby nonsense.. he definitely doesn't miss the sleepless nights of baby crying though.
You huffed and puffed as you then plopped the item on the sofa, it was a disk, a record. You then climbed yourself up and once your little body landed on the cushions you then picked yourself up once more to then grab the disk and turn to the small table right beside the sofa where a large phonograph rested on.
"Papa!" you exclaimed, "Papa! Music music!.." you pleaded, your little voice begging to once again turn on the music playing machine.
Alastor faintly chuckled at your little demands, amusing how such a small thing dares to command but nonetheless he found it silly at how you tried. "Yes yes my dear, I'll be right there." He then set the last few dirty dishes away to be cleaned soon since he couldn't say no to listening to some tunes before bed.
You smiled brightly as your little feet playfully tapped on the cushions, almost jumping. Noticing your developing excitement Alastor hurried over to you.
"Ah-ah-ahh, no jumping on the sofa my dear. I'm excited as well but I can't have you break your little head open, that'd be no fun at all!" Well.. that and he didn't wanna ruin his cushions, but nonetheless he cared for your wellbeing the most even if he wasn't fond of admitting it.
His hands gently took the disk from your hands, carefully setting the disk on the phonograph to have it play your favorite tunes. Once you two heard the amazing first few notes of jazz was when Alastor settled down beside you on the sofa and you started clapping in delight.
Alastor looked at you almost fondly, letting out a small huff of delight at your reactions. Your innocence seemed to be something that contained him from wanting to continue his murder spree, although his bloodlust always wins in the end, he seems to always willingly pause his life for you.
Plus, he loves jazz just as much as you do.. why would he miss out on this?
Your fit of giggles dwindled down but didn't stop, in a sudden burst of energy you jumped off the sofa and then started dancing similarly yet obviously a bit more goofy to how you've seen couples and single dancers dance in the nights of Mardi Gras or just parties your father took you when he would be invited. Your little dance moves seemed to be fiddled with confidence yet they were so off from what you were trying to attempt, nonetheless you were happy, and that's what Alastor secretly liked to see.
"Dance with me papa dance with me!" you pleaded again, your smaller hands grabbing his larger one and tugging at it, trying to get him to stand up.
"_____ darling no tugging, besides I just sat down my dear and I'm exhausted." He sighed, his constant smile always present yet he was visibly a bit tired from the day he had.
But oh how you persisted, and how darn adorable you were as a kid. "But papaaa!.. pretty please! I wanna dance how you and that singing lady did the last time we went on those big loud places!"
"Parties, dear." he corrected you, but let out a long sigh and got up. Because no matter how tired he was or how annoyed he seemed to be he didn't mind keeping you happy.
So that's what he did, he danced with you. Swinging you, twirling you around to the melody and the beat, your cheers of glee and uncontrollable laughter motived him to keep up with your excitement. Not only that but your smile, genuine and pure, it was what he needed to get himself to match your energy. Jazz music was what always connected you two and it always brought you together no matter what.
At the end of the song Alastor ended it by gently throwing you up in the air and catching you, letting you get your last giggles out. You both laughed together, your bond ever growing stronger. You truly did tame this bloodthirsty killer without even trying or knowing, of course you were too young to know.
Once the giggle frenzy ended you both finished your dancing with a long sigh, the phonograph ending it's segment. You then suddenly yawned and rested your head in the crook of his neck over his shoulder, snuggling for warmth and for a sudden need to sleep.
"Seems like my little fawn needs sleep now, almost past your bedtime young lady." Normally he'd scold you a bit more strictly as he usually did, but seeing as how you were basically ready to fall into a pile of dreams he just felt no need to do that.
"Sorries papa.. I forgot.." your little words muffled by your face hidden in his neck.
Alastor was never one for being touched, let alone hugged or snuggled. Oh but he had no right to complain, he's had you this close since you were a baby.. to him this just felt normal now.
Of course no one but you could be this close to him, you're his little girl after all.
"No need to worry, my dear." He stopped in front of your bedroom, carefully opening the door with a creak following after. With careful footsteps he walked towards your bed, pulling the blanket away to then gently place you on your cozy sheets with care.
Alastor gently moved any misplaced hairs away from your face as he then pulled your soft and warm blanket up to your neck. Your sleeping face reassuring him.
"Sweet dreams sweetheart." His usual smile softening a bit more before backing away and slowly heading towards the door of your room, lingering for a few extra seconds to take one last look at you before slowly closing the door and heading off to bed himself.
After the click of the door closing can be heard, you mumbled "Goodnight papa.." with a smile, even if in the end Alastor didn't get to hear it.
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You missed him, dearly.
A weight fell on your chest, your eyes begging to form tears. You missed when you had that childhood innocence, when you didn't know what he was capable of, when he was nothing but a saint to you.
It still hurt after all these years, you thought he was a good man.. a bit strict, blunt, a bit too true to himself and definitely peculiar but.. the Alastor that raised you would never do that. Until you were obviously proven otherwise.
Oh but I guess you were too into your reminiscing that you didn't notice the background gasps and small shrieks of surprise and fear, and you didn't yet feel the eventual stares and eerie presence right in front of you.
"What don't you regret, my dear?"
You choked on your drink in surprise almost spitting it out,
that fucking radio voice again.
For heaven's sake how did he find you?? He couldn't have seen you through the windows. Did he follow you??.. did you just not notice.. Oh geez maybe getting used to having your guard down during all your years in heaven definitely didn't help with this situation.
You continued coughing on your drink, even punching your chest a bit to get that last good cough out. The radio demon pulled the chair in front of you to sit across from you, not waiting to ask permission.
To him he didn't need to, he's your father after all.
Once you calmed down you immediately avoided eye contact, only giving him a once second glance to confirm it was him in hopes your ears were playing a trick on you-- they weren't.
"How.. how'd you find me.." you mumbled in slight fear.
"Oh how would I not! Sweetheart I'm your father of course, as your father I must have those parental instincts.. I always know where you are!" he exclaimed, seemingly proud of this.
"I'm guessing those 'parental instincts' didn't kick in when you stabbed me, huh." you spat with attitude, unafraid to be rude to him with so much sin he's committed.
A sharp static sound came from him, as if in slight shock at the disrespect and comeback you gave. "Watch the attitude young lady, you're still an Altruist you know."
You scoffed, hating at how indifferent you felt about your last name.
"Not by blood though.."
"I raised you, don't forget that." he spat back, starting to get irritated.
"And because of that I owe you?"
"Yes, yes indeed! Smart girl you are."
You scoffed at his response, finally getting the guts to look at him in the face. His appearance frightened you, disgusted you even.
Is this truly the man that raised you?
"As a matter of fact, I actually don't." you crossed your arms in annoyance and a huff. Your eyes couldn't help but to slowly drift to off to the people behind him and you see fellow angels you know continue to stare in awe or fear, of course at Alastor. With all eyes on you and mostly him it made you feel a little embarrassed. You cowered down a bit and your wings went over your head and shoulders a bit as if to hide you behind a 'curtain' of sorts.
Alastor obviously noticed this, but could care less about the stares.
You sighed, "Look, Alasto--"
"I think you mean to call me 'father'." he interrupted as he obviously seemed a bit sassy about it. "Even 'dad' is just simply fine and dandy with me!"
"No, I can't," you frowned, wishing you could "I won't. Not after what you did to me, to that man that night, and to every other poor soul you hurt."
Your face slowly scrunched up in disgust "You don't deserve my forgiveness, my mercy."
In embarrassment and feeling tears want to shed you grabbed your drink and got up to walk out, before you could get past Alastor though he grabbed your wrist harshly.
"Uh-- hey.. let go--"
"I didn't mean to do what I did, my dove." His voice turned into a weird version of gentle, almost uncharacteristically gentle. "I never intended to take your life away."
He sounded genuine.
Could he?.. Would he?..
Maybe, just maybe--
"No." you spat, "Maybe you didn't mean to hurt me, but you definitely meant to hurt others. That's something I can't forgive and I'm sure your victims wouldn't neither." you glared at him, setting your foot down.
"I refuse to call you my father, not until I know that you repent for your sins but knowing you I highly doubt that." You snatched your wrist away and for a slight second you stopped caring about what others thought when they'd see this
"Besides, you killed me two weeks after I turned eighteen.. don't even include the years that passed since the 30s and present time so clearly you can't control me anymore old man."
But Alastor wouldn't go down that fast nor easily.
His sharp smile widened, you felt immense dread.
"Oh little one, no matter how far you are or how much you try to disown me you are forever connected to me.
I made you who you are and you can try to run and fly off however long you want but in the end you're tied to me whether you like it or not. Even in death."
He seemed deathly serious with his statements so much so that you could've sworn you could see his shadow giggling and smirking in a way that seemed even worse and more than evil.
Your breath quietly hitched in fear in noticing this to the point where it even forced you to take a step back. He let out a sinister chuckle before you couldn't help but speed out of the shop and flew out.
You couldn't handle him, he was shameless when showing this side of him.. how could he be this shameless and normal?? How could he act like this and be proud about it? He killed people and doesn't regret it, you being the only exception just didn't feel right and it wasn't fair!
Not to you.
He may have been able to silently control you and vaguely manipulate you to believe he was anything but a bad person back when you were alive and young but now your eyes are wide open and so is your heart.
You have such a bad feeling about this whole thing, he was up to no good he just couldn't be-- he had to be using the princess as an excuse to do something shitty.
Good thing you had plenty of connections, if you just played your cards right...
Hey.. wasn't there something about a court meeting happening soon?
On the other hand Alastor stayed sitting there still chucking devilishly, his intentions and true feelings smeared and unclear.
With a snap of his fingers a cup of black coffee appeared and he began drinking it with a sense of casual glee and eyes closed in delight.
Until he felt eyes on him, two nearby to be exact. He opened one eye to look at the angels staring at him and they both seemed like more biblically accurate angels, both having one eye and all. The radio demon shot them an evil grin.
"Oh adolescents these days, rebellious aren't they." He cackled before going back to drinking his coffee, the angels creeped out by his interaction soon scurried away from him.
The fear. He enjoyed it, just not really from you.
(thank you all who asked for part 2!! of course I had to deliver since you all really wanted it and honestly I love adding flashbacks to memories Alastor and the reader had when they were alive, makes their ending on earth just that more painful (as if it wasn't clear I love angst). Honestly I don't mind making more parts for this! If the demand is consistent and you guys still want to keep up with it I have a few ideas to keep this going! Once again thank you so much for reading!! Now I must finish writing for other stories lolllll!)
(p.s: i highly recommend listening to any mitski song while reading this I think it fits well especially with the flashback scene hehe)
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Omg what the heck 2k!?! Iâm so happy for you like I remember when you started this blog some time ago, and you blew up fast đ also that era when you got shadow banned. I wanted to request the monster trio with option 1. So how about a meeting their S/O after the 2 year gap but they ended on argument so now what would they say after not seeing them for two years.
A/N:đđi forgot about the shadowbanned era omg. I almost stopped writing completely then. That was a CRAZY time. Thank you for reminding me of that LOLÂ
Characters: gn reader x Sanji, Zoro, Luffy
Total word count: 750
A Postponed Apology
Sanji
âMy love! Youâre safe!â Sanji tackled you, both of you falling to the ground entangled in one another.Â
He pushed back the hair from your face and covered you with kisses in between his words. âYouâre here! I missed you so much!â
âSanji,â you laughed, trying to push him off. âYouâre smothering me!â
âIâll smother you forever!â He pressed his head against your chest, humming pleasantly as he listened to your heartbeat. âIâll never leave your side ever again!â
Your fingers ran through his hair as tears filled your eyes. You hadnât expected this reunion to go so smoothly. You had expected Sanji to never speak to you again, maybe even come back with a new crew member recruit. You wouldnât have blamed him, not after all the horrible things you said to him.Â
âYouâre not mad?â you whispered softly, afraid your voice would betray you.Â
âWhy would I be mad?â he asked, still listening to your heart beat in your chest. âIâm just grateful youâre okay.â
âBut our fightâŠâ Tears spilled out of the corner of your eyes and down your cheeks.
âOur fight?â he asked, clearly confused. He pulled his head away from your chest to look you in the eyes, and you could see his soul shatter at the fact he was making you cry.Â
âDo you mean the one from two years ago?â he asked. âDarling, donât even worry about that. All that matters is that we are here together now, and Iâm never letting you go again.â
Zoro
It took your eyes a second to adjust to the darkened room, but Zoroâs voice rang out.Â
âSo, youâre the second one to arrive, huh?â
You hadnât expected Zoro to be there. He was always getting so lost, you had assumed it would be anyone but him.Â
âNobody else is here yet?â you asked, joining him at the bar.Â
âJust you and me.â
Silence filled the air, the heaviness of your last conversation still weighing on your shoulders.Â
âZoro-â
âDonât apologize,â he said. âIt was two years ago. Itâs not a big deal.â
âNo.â You shook your head, finally turning to look at him. âI shouldâve never said those things. If I had known-â
âBut you didnât know.â He sighed, picking his beer up and taking a long drink. âAre you still upset about it? Do you even remember what we were fighting about?â
âWell no, but-â
âThen it doesnât matter. Weâre together now. Letâs make up for lost time instead, okay?â
You smiled, relieved at his words. He had never been one to hold a grudge.Â
âOkay.â
Luffy
You kept your distance from Luffy until everyone went to sleep. It had been a long day full of emotions, and he was busy enough with his captain duties. The last thing you wanted to do was inconvenience him any further.Â
âSanji!â Luffy called, entering the kitchen. âIâm-oh! Hey!â
Your heart quickened at his voice. You werenât ready to face him yet. Even if you knew you had to.Â
âHey Luffy,â you whispered. âSanji went to bed, but he made this ice cream sundae. You want it?â
Luffyâs mouth grew into a big smile, his eyes growing wide. He grabbed a spoon and slid into the booth next to you. âYouâre the best! You know that, right?âÂ
You gave an awkward laugh. âI guess we need to talk, huh?â
Luffy looked at you, a blank and confused look on his face. âTalk about what?â
It was hard to look at him, but you forced yourself to. âOur last conversation?â
He was trying to remember, you could see his brain going into overdrive as he recalled your last moments together on Sabaody. Finally, he shrugged and shoveled a scoop of ice cream into his mouth.Â
âI donât remember our last conversation,â he admitted.Â
You raised an eyebrow. âThe fight? Because if you want to break up-â
âWhy would I want to break up with you?â Luffy asked. âThatâs the last thing I want.â
âWell, I said some pretty harsh things, Lu.â
He knitted his eyebrows in concentration, trying to remember. For a minute you watched him, and you couldâve sworn steam was coming out of his ears. But he shook his head. âSorry, I don't remember that at all.â
You laughed. You should be surprised or offended. But that was just Luffy. âSo weâre good?â you asked.
âOf course,â he said, offering you a bite. âWhy wouldnât we be?â
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Sour diesel p.2 // dealer Chris
Warnings: shower sex / clitoral stimulation / praise kink / drug dealer Chris x reader / size kink / unprotected sex / vertical prone position (I literally have no idea what else to call this lol) / piercing kink / thoughts of exhibitionism / slight hair pulling
Summary: still feeling the strong effects of the diesel you had just previously smoked, chris now wants a taste, and doesnât mind pulling you into the shower with him to do so...
Authorâs notes: ew why did it take me so long to write this and decide what I actually wanted to do with it lmao. Just a quick disclaimer, if you canât really remember what happened in the first one I recommend going back to re-read it because this is a continuation of what happens straight after the first one ends. Also lowkey- why does this one get so sappy and soft at the end lol? I should really start writing tooth rots soon too. So anyways⊠get out ya sour diesel playlists and enjoy ;).
âIf you overthinkinâ, I get high with you, if you ever sinkinâ, I go down with you, all I need, my baby and a cigaretteâ - CIGARETTES, Amir Obe
. ĘđŠčâ âč
âshit that is strong stuffâŠâ
You laugh at Chrisâ throwaway comment, hyperaware of the way your whole entire body tingles itself into a horny hot-sweat. The thick smell of weed on both of your clothes and the redness of your eyes certainly donât help in cementing the fact that you are both high out of your fucking minds right now.
Chris feeds his bottom lip into his mouth and tugs on the central silver lip ring he has hooked into his plump flesh.
The sight alone makes your toes curl. Itâs as if every single move he makes drags you deeper into a violet haze of ecstasy until youâre so far away from clarity that you can barely see it anymore.
Chrisâ soft chest rises and falls as his cock lies there in front of you two, bare, and needing a lot more attention.
Releasing his moist lip from his teeth, it recoils backwards slightly and you watch his lip ring glint hypnotically in the light of the ceiling fan above him.
They look dewy, a peachy pink cream colour⊠perfect for sucking on.
Your drug dealerâs frosty irises surround themselves with the bloodshot white of his eyes, and the redness almost exemplifies the popping blue colour of them.
His pupils dilate, and he seems to be deep in thought.
You shift uncomfortably on your knees, trying to press your aching heat down onto one of the balls of your feet to suppress its unbearable throb.
Suddenly Chris sighs.
His voice is deep and raspy, almost as if heâs just woken up from a deep slumber. You love it when you two link up to smoke weed together because his voice always drops down to this gorgeous register and it makes your folds slick beneath your underwear every single time.
Unbeknownst to Chris of course.
Heâll just sit there, knowing exactly what heâs doing, yet not knowing anything at all as he balances the blunt in his mouth, blowing out leisurely smoke rings and pumping his system full of relaxant narcotics. Perhaps sprawled out on his back across your bed if at your place or out on his deck in one of his chairs at hisâŠ
His voice always ends up the same though, gritty and an octave lower than usual.
âWanna take a shower with me, ma?â He questions casually, as if saying something like this to you is rather a normal occurrence. It elicits a tight tension within your muscles, and you struggle to not grind yourself down onto the ball of your foot.
You swallow thickly at his request, and Chrisâ lips twitch up into a little lop-sided smirk. He wants to see you naked. So fucking bad. And heâs not ashamed to admit it. He thinks about it a lot. More than he probably should.
He also just likes to think about you a lot.
Usually when he does his deals with other clients. Heâll always hand over his weed, or his bag of pills and then heâll think about how much he misses your face.
Then when heâs stretching out his hand and expectantly raising his eyebrows for his money heâll think about how much he hates letting you pay for your drugs.
He knows he shouldnât, but he fucking loves spoiling you by giving you free rein of his most expensive strains.
Just a moment of your time is money enough for him.
And then whenever he slinks away from his deals with his black hood up, he leafes through his money and counts it⊠thinking about how much he canât wait to see a text from you again.
Sometimes he purposely gives you smaller volumes of weed just so that you run out faster and have to come guiltily crawling back to see him again for more.
With that being said, he takes advantage of this moment, flicking his eyes down to the subtle rock of your hips that rut forward once and then retreat back to their original resting position.
You squirm about at the thought of his shower.
âUm⊠yes pleaseâ you clear your throat and mumble politely, your cheeks turning pink in embarrassment. And itâs almost unbelievable to think that you had the thickness of his cock stuffed all the way down your throat moments ago because of how you were looking at him now.
Chris snorts at this nervous reaction, a gruff and teasing giggle slipping past his lips whilst he tilts his head patronisingly. âWhat? You all shy now or somethinâ?â.
You avert your eyes as he pokes fun at you, a hint of his Boston accent catching in the back of his throat as he smiles at your endearing behaviour.
You shake your head and muscle up the nerves to look up at him through your eyelashes. You sigh. âSorry itâs just uhh⊠well- Iâm just a little shocked at myself thatâs allâ.
Commenting on your previously greedy actions, itâs as if you can still feel the soft throbbing of Chrisâ thickness stroking against the walls of your mouth. The taste of his cum haunts the base of your throat, and the memory of saliva seeping from your mouth to dribble around his pink head permeates your vision.
The look of the strings of spit connecting his tip to your lips as soon as you had pulled away from him almost become too much for you to bear.
Suddenly, you crack a laugh, and Chris is so fucking high that he finds it within himself to join in, even though what you had said wasnât really that funny.
After recovering, Chris quickly silences and retreats back to looking at you lustily, his eyes glistening with that primal need to have you for himself, but equally to have you wailing and crying out his name with his windows cracked wide open.
Because he wants passing people to know, to know whatâs going on in the bathroom of his apartment. And he wants them to be jealous. Jealous of the way that itâs him whoâs pounding into you, him whose skin is slapping against yours, and him whose back is getting clawed at by your nails until itâs red raw.
âI kinda wanna kiss youâŠâ he randomly muses to you. And you too, fall silent, and find yourself gravitating towards him naturally. He does the same, his eyes once or twice obsessively looking down to your lips. They hold a begging kind of gaze that almost has you rolling about the floor for mercy.
âDo it thenâ you breathe daringly, both of you two then coming in to bridge the gap. Chris presses his lips into yours, and then immediately you feel the artificial metal ring of his piercing against your own bare skin.
He squeezes his lips closed and traps your bottom one in between his two.
In one solid motion he makes you shiver by smoothly sliding his tongue across the skin of your lip, before wetly detaching himself and doing the exact same thing to your top one. He utters a breathy moan, the cold air on his prick making it throb and harden once again whilst you let him kiss you.
Itâs not long before it escalates, and the taste of your saliva has Chris hooked. So much so that he lurches forward a little more to grab both sides of your face aggressively with his hands.
He keeps you held there, the large expanse of them moist with sweating arousal as your mouths drop open even further into the now very messy kiss.
Now itâs just your tongues flattening against each otherâs and licking from side to side, spit whipping about and coating the corners of your mouths when sometimes each of you miss your mark.
âShower? Please?â Chris breathlessly pants, his desperate tone almost making him seem like heâs transitioned into heat as his hands slide down your neck, then your tits, only to land on the fabric of your shirt. He boyishly twists it into his knuckles, and impatiently tugs you towards him.
âO-okay⊠showerâ you acknowledge him, and then pull away.
Your wobbly feet rise to a stand from off of his scuffed green couch and only then do you realise just how wet you are after your thighs close and rub together.
Chris looks up at you with doe eyes, before grunting and standing up too, trying to pull his grey sweats and boxers up simultaneously.
He messily tries to tuck his weeping cock into his pants, but heaves an annoyed mumble when it takes longer than expected, before he is pushing himself back into you once heâs successful.
He leans in with his mouth already agape hungrily. The fever and determination he has only makes your horniness worse, still in an absolutely trance on your diesel high.
Your tongues sloppily lick each otherâs, and Chris moans a quick âMhh, so pretty babyâ into your lips with his eyes feathered closed in enjoyment.
He walks you backwards one or two steps, before humming again in thought and stopping. He then decides to not bother with trying to get you to walk to his bathroom, and so pulls away from your lips to kiss his teeth.
He shuffles back slightly and you eye him quizzically before heâs reaching his palms downwards and turning them up to his ceiling.
They twitch slightly when he purrs âup you come babyâ, clearly wanting you to leap your thighs into the cups of them so that he can carry you.
You smile slightly at this, and smooth your hands over his shoulders for support before hopping into his hold. He groans a little at the force exerted upon his arms but then quickly flexes them and easily hitches your legs around his thick hips.
âAtta girlâ he praises you softly before sponging a wet kiss onto the collarbone that sits right in front of the reach of his lips.
He then starts to walk you both through the corridor of his apartment to his bathroom.
On your way there he has to step over piles of his stuff that heâs lazily thrown onto his floor, like a heap of empty Pepsi cans and also his beloved pink North Face puffer jacket that he usually does his deals in.
It lays in a crumpled heap next to his mess of playing card. Presumably he must have had people round playing black jack earlier and just hasnât cleaned them up yet.
After a bit of turning your head to the side and playfully biting the helix of his ear, he gets you to the door of his bathroom and victoriously kicks it open with his foot.
Twisting to the side, he squeezes both of you past the doorframe and looks up at you with lusting eyes before he is using his foot again to force the door shut behind him. It slams and traps you two into Chris damp-smelling bathroom, the scent of his cologne combatting the mould of the old walls and intoxicating your senses.
You forget how fucking good Chris smells underneath all of that weed.
He suddenly releases his grip on you, and you drop to the floor, your feet padding onto his white bathmat.
He pecks you on the lips once, before twisting around to turn his attention to the shower. He reaches into it and twists the dial which makes water come spurting out of the head. Whilst doing this you simultaneously take off your top and unbutton your jeans.
You slide them down your dewy legs as Chris reaches his palm in to test the temperature of the water before looking back at you, his stomach flipping in excitement at the sight of you standing there in your bra and underwear.
âIs the shower ready?â You speak up timidly, standing squished and self consciously with your arms folded over your stomach as you look at the man who has always been on your mind outside of deals, and not just because of the drugs.
He hums. âHmm, not yet, wanna make it nice for youâŠâ.
He turns back around and leans out of the shower.
Shaking his wet hand, a couple of droplets fall to the floor before he is taking off his zip up and letting it plonk to the bathmat. âStill feelinïżœïżœ shy ma?â He comments with a smirk on his face at the fact that you havenât yet taken off your underwear.
You laugh and shake your head, his silly attitude managing to ease the tension. âMhh, a little bitâ.
Sometimes you get extra nervy when youâre high. It isnât necessarily Chrisâ fault that you feel this way, itâs just the kind of influence the drug has on you depending on what kind of strain you smoke.
His white shirt peels off next, before both of his sweats and his boxers come off.
âThatâs ok, Iâd prefer to be the one taking off your underwear anywayâŠâ he rambles, the sentiment of his want travelling straight to your clothed core and making it burn with heat.
He stands there in his naked vulnerability and by now the shower has heated up enough to billow steam into the room and fog up the mirror in front of his sink.
âCan I?â He speaks gently and raises his eyebrows whilst gesturing to your white panties, decorated with a little brown teddy bear logo on the front of them. As if Chris couldnât adore you more, your taste in panties makes him feel warm and fuzzy, the effects of the sour diesel only making his attraction to you worse.
You nod and Chris takes that as his chance to step forward and feed his thumbs into the soft cotton fabric bunched around your hips.
To distract you whilst he pulls them down, he starts to kiss you again, and you find yourself sucking on his lip ring whilst your panties drop to your ankles.
Chrisâ arms then snake around your back, both pulling you towards him and enabling him to fumble around with the strap to your bra. After successfully unclipping it, he whimpers in victory before pulling away from you.
âLadies firstâ he jokingly gestures and grasps onto one of your hands like a gentleman whilst he leads you into the shower.
He steps in after you and shuts the glass door, both of you getting soaked in the scalding water as it trickles from the shower head and onto your hair. Chris is quick to make sure that youâre directly under the stream of water so that you can absorb all of the warmth, and he looks at you through water droplet-stained eyelashes.
You smile and blush up at him whilst he gingerly trails his fingertip up the endless waterfalls of water slipping down your curves.
He then starts to draw aimless patterns on your skin, like an artist ravishing his muse.
He threads one of his hands through the thick sopping wet mop of your hair, strands clumping together as he drags his fingertips through it and looks at it in fascination.
Your lips crash against each others once more after a single look passed between you two.
Now itâs almost as if you literally canât breathe without a constant taste of each otherâs flesh.
A nicotine addiction, but for bodies.
After kissing slowly, for a while, Chrisâ cock begins to ache.
He detaches himself, now the two of you fully soaking wet and the steam residing between your bodies making its way down your throats. The atmosphere is hot, choking, lustful.
Manoeuvring around you, your slickness throbs at the sight of his arm reaching up to unhook the shower head from its hold. Fat water droplet gather at the bottom of the strands of his long hair, and they drip down to the floor at every movement he makes.
âYour turn babyâŠâ he lilts cheekily into your ear after using his other free arm to wrap around your front and pull you into his chest. Using the hand gripping the shower head, he teasingly turns the pressure up until the force of the water is hammering out.
He kisses your cheek, and you feel the grin on his face as you struggle not to crumple into his hold. Your knees feel like buckling, and the ache between your legs is almost strong enough to make you feel dizzy.
âChris I-â you stutter quietly, but he doesnât give you a chance to finish before heâs quickly moving the burst of water and concentrating it upon your clit.
Your throat echos a cry as you arch your back, your head falling into the crook of his shoulder as he licks his tongue over the tepid skin of your throat.
âYeah, you like that donât youâŠâ he mumbles cockily against your flesh, the hold he has against the shower head unrelenting, even when trying to squirm away from it.
He keeps a firm lock over your body, and the waves of sensitivity it brings you almost makes you pass out. You whine and pant, slinging your arms behind your head and clawing at Chrisâ neck.
You feed your shaking fingertips into his hair to yank on it, practically begging for mercy.
âFeels so goodâ you whimper, and Chris nudges your head to envelop your mouth into his once again. This way, he swallows your noises of extreme euphoria for himself.
Your wet bodies slide together, steaming rising from in between your legs as Chris starts to control the waterâs flow against your core by moving the shower head in a circular motion.
âOpen up a bit wider for me babyâ he instructs you soothingly, and uses one of his kneecaps to knock into the back of yours, commanding you to spread your thighs a little farther.
You feverishly nod with an âo-okâ before your wobbling legs are stepping further out and the vibrating pleasure is increasing the more Chris gains access to your clit.
You feel his hard cock brushing in between your ass, and it throbs wildly, Chris no doubt aching to bend you over⊠which he does, unexpectedly.
He presses your left cheek against the wall and your hands come flying up to slap against the cold tiles whilst he forces your back into an arch.
âFuck babyâ you mumble, drunk off of the feeling of Chris touching you in the best possible way.
âGive it to me momma⊠wanna hear how good I fuck you⊠make it loudâ.
Chris is smug when he presses his tip into your weepy hole, one of his hands coming up to also lean against the tiles above your head, which gives him the right kind of support. His other hand still works the shower head down at your core, and you let out a strangled moan after he fits himself inside of you.
He stretches you out from behind, and you whine a little in pain at his thickness. âAhh Chris⊠l-little slower pleaseâ you hiss as you suck your teeth, the rough skin of his cock throbbing inside of you and spreading your walls apart. Your mouth is dropped open and your focus is on breathing as soon as you say this, a line of drool accidentally falling from out of one side of your mouth.
It splatters heavily to the floor next to your foot.
Chris sees this slimy mess, and smirks at how much heâs fucking you up, his ego stroking itself as he slowly pushes his hips forward as per your request.
âFuck, look at you getting all hot and bothered⊠my cock really that big huh?â He patronises you whilst watching your back rise and fall laboriously at having to take in deep stuttering breaths.
You moan a âyesâ, feathering your eyes shut just for a second to regain your composure.
Chris grins devilishly, mumbling back a stern but simple âtake it.â In response.
So you do, and wait until he fully bottoms out to whine for him to move again.
Chris obeys, and his wet hips snap against your ass, causing a resounding clap sound to cacophony across the expanse of his bathroom with the water in his shower still running and its stream battering quickly against your heat.
Tears almost draw within your eyes as you fully soak in how well heâs treating you, fucking you up from both the front and behind.
He groans lowly in a humongous effort to try and hold off his orgasm, just so that you can have yours first, because he realises that you deserve it a lot more than he does after letting him thrust his cock up into your mouth.
âThat good baby? I feel nice?â He questions, but of course he already knows you love it because of the way youâre almost pathetically crying for him to go faster.
âMake me cum please- please make me cumâ your fucked-out voice drawls, your fingernails clawing at the tiles of his shower for traction as his fat tip nudges against the most sensitive part of your core with every thrust he makes.
With the shower head still firmly held against your clit, he helps you build up your organs and after a couple more thrusts, he finally finishes you off.
He drops the still running hose to the floor in favour of gripping onto you and making sure that you donât fall, his hips continuously going but slowing their roll as he helps you calm down from your high.
After your cunt gets too sensitive to withstand anymore of his hard prick, you tap out, and Chris pulls out, panting in tiredness and stickily jerking himself the rest of the way to his own eventual orgasm.
He squirts his cum rapidly onto your back, and you shiver at the feeling of its warm consistency, twisting your body to try and get a look at it erotically dripping down your ass cheeks.
Both of you heave, trying to catch your breaths in the heat of the shower, which proves to be an even more difficult task as soon as Chris turns you back around to face him.
âCâmere⊠want more kissesâ he babyishly mumbles, requesting for your lips softly on his once again with a pretty pout on his moony face.
He whimpers happily after you give in, laughing a little at his afterglow submissiveness before pressing small peppering kisses around the corners of his mouth.
You kiss each other once more, and this time instead of you biting against his piercing, he bites against your bottom lip, your tongues lazily twisting in the swelter of the shower.
You guess that the hot water probably washed away a good half of the drug, because you didnât feel as high anymore.
You stay there, kissing for a while until Chris decides that he wants to rinse you off.
He passes the shower head that had once been firmly focused on stimulating your clit around your body to wash any cum and sweat away, before announcing that he also wanted to wash your hair for you.
You almost melt at the sentiment and patiently stand there whilst he massages a dollop of shampoo into the roots of your hair, sudsing it up and smiling whilst he combs his long fingers through your strands.
After gently whispering âokay, now lean back for meâŠâ, he passes the stream of water over your hair and bites his lip in concentration, wanting to make sure that the experience is just as soothing for you as it is for him.
You almost forget that Chris is just your drug dealer as he helps you out of the shower and grabs one of his white towels from his radiated hand rail.
Wrapping you up in one, he makes sure that youâre warm and snuggly before tying a spare one around his own waist.
Water droplets still drip from his chest as he grabs a small hand towel to place on top of your head. He then gently rubs your hair and tries to dry it as much as he can.
You both giggle at how silly you look in the mirror with the towel messily strewn across your head, which is exemplified by Chris deciding to make you laugh even further by vigorously shaking his wet hair out like a dog.
After youâre dry, he helps you back into your clothes, before playfully patting your ass as you both exit his bathroom, Chris shutting the door behind you two.
You suddenly swallow nervously and get anxious once again.
You just had sex with your dealer⊠twice.
What the fuck does that mean for your relationship? Are you going to have to block him and never speak to him again? Are you going to have to pretend like none of this ever happened?
You sure hope not.
As all of these worrying thoughts swirl about your mind like a raging storm, Chris suddenly comes in like a ray of sunshine and scares the clouds away with a silly sounding âhey, wanna play video games with me? I got a really cool new one over the weekendâ.
As if he hadnât just railed the shit out of you moments earlier.
You feel like this is Chrisâ own special way of telling you not to worry about it, you can both think about the consequences later⊠so you smile back at him, returning to the living room where his old green couch lies before plopping down onto it.
âTurning down a chance to beat you in Mario Kart like I always do? Never⊠gimme a remote and youâre on!â
. ĘđŠčâ âč
Authorâs notes p.2: I want to make out with drug dealer!Chris to the song Percolator by SZA so bad. Bye- this is so specific but MUCH needed. Thank you all for waiting on the much anticipated arrival of Sour diesel part 2, I hope you guys enjoyed it as much as I did and likewise, I should be getting to work on cherry popper real soon! Ask, and request anything as always⊠until next time babies :)
Taglist: @luverboychris @lovingmattysposts @luvmila444 @luv4kozume @stursweet @strniohoeee @strawberrysturniolo @thesturniolos @sturniolosreads @vecnasnose0 @meanttomeet @ellie-luvsfics @matthemunch @mattsleftnipple03 @robins-scoop @asturniolos @imwetforyourmom @nicksmainbitch @sturnioloenthusiast @breeloveschris @kvtie444 @rootbeerworshiper @chr1sgirl4life @hrt-attack @gigisworldsstuff @stargirlsturniololover @imlidewwallyhittingdagwiddy @sturniololoverr @jahlisa22 @bernardsgf @luvasr @meg-sturniolo @blahbel668 @liz-stxrn @sturnreblog @ratatioulle @isabellehoran @1800chokedathoe @sturnsmadl @sturniolossmut @creamoncreamoncream2 @mattslolita @sturniolowhore @skadltmf @sturniolosstar @luvsturns @mattestrella @hearts4chriss @orangeypepsi
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Hello everyone! This is masterlist #7 and #8 (Nov and Dec of 2023!) for all of the fics I have reblogged on this side blog I hold super close to me. Remember to leave feedback and reblog the writings if you read them!
Also, a huge thank you to all the writers mentioned, I adore you so very much and I hope you keep writing <3
âąâąâą NOVEMBER âąâąâą
Chiffon | Lace | Satin | In which Harry is grumpy and mean to Y/N, who's just shy and trying to get through the day, and they're both teaching assistants for the same class. - @cupid-styles
Love's An Ache In The Jaw | A fic about TA!Harry and TA!Yasmine who hate each other more than anything in the world. - @harryforvogue
Sunkissed | Part 2 | Where (Y/n) is a single mom to an uncoordinated kid, who happens to have surf lessons with a very cute man. - @harryhoney-bee
Knockout | The one where Harry is a handsome stranger who always comes to your diner covered in bruises. - @freedomfireflies
Athens | Harryâs in his fourth year teaching university, and he knew he was bound to have a favorite student but he didnât know he would meet someone like y/n. - @moonchildstyles
âąâąâą DECEMBER âąâąâą
Halo | Harry doesnât believe in love and Y/N tries to figure him out. - @parkersroses
Baby, It's Cold Outside | In which Harry is the right person at the wrong time. - @havethetimeofyourstyles
Where The World Takes You ⥠| In which you study in a different country and meet someone along the way. - @havethetimeofyourstyles
Lonely This Christmas ⥠| You and Harry broke up earlier in the year, but at Columbiaâs Christmas party you see each other again, and you both realise just how much you miss each other. - @enthusiasticharry
Fine Line | Harry plays you Fine Line for the first time and some things get said. - @harrystylescherry
Delicate | Harry has a bad past with relationships and is waiting for when Y/N decides to leave him. - @gucciharrywritings
Love of my Life | Where Harry and Y/n, who is a part of the love band, end up married without the media and the fans finding out. But Harry finally lets the news out by introducing Y/n Mrs. Styles. - @gucciwins
Number One | In which Harry jumps in to help when Y/n is stressing about a little lie she told her family, but is the new lie -- actually a lie? - @watchmegetobsessed
Masterlist for more recs!
My Writing account - @0oolookitsme
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Please
Bucky Barnes x fem!dom!reader
Summary: Bucky and you are just roommates right? So why canât you get the image of him pleading to cum out of your head?
Part 1 - Needy Boy
a/n : a part 2 to Needy boy, can be read on its own though. Thank you so much for all the love on the first part! here is the second part, please comment any ideas for this fic or others, and or other things you want me write! Thank you, enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
just roommates. just roommates.
at least thatâs what you keep telling yourself. After Bucky fell asleep that night, you went back to your room to go to bed. It was a restless night, but you finally fell asleep, and by the time you woke up, Bucky had left already. Heâd left a note saying he got called in early
but it wasnât just that time. The next two days you didnât see Bucky, not even once. You tried to think of why he would be avoiding you. He had certainly seemed to enjoy himself that night.
You huffed as you plopped on your bed. The past two days had been busy for sure, but you missed the broody hot man that you usually had the pleasure of seeing at least once a day. Your mind drifted as you laid there, going back to that night
ây/nâŠngh..â
your thighs clamped together as you remembered the sounds he had made.
âFuck it. Bucky hasnât been home for awhile anywaysâŠâ
you slipped your hands down your body. One went to cup your breast and the other down to circle the wet spot on your panties.
âmphâŠâ
it had been so long since youâd had the pleasure to touch yourself, either too busy or too tired to be able to.
you slipped your panties down your thighs and completely off, tossing them away to who knows where. You began to circle your clit and bit your lip, stifling a loud moan
ângh..â
your breathing became heavier. you opened your eyes and -
fuck.
âBucky? â
you snatched the blanket and threw it over your body quickly
âwhat the hell are you doing here?!â
Bucky stood in the doorway of your room, unmoving. his gaze going from your exposed self to your face once you put the blanket on. He moved his gaze to the floor and gulped, his Adamâs apple bobbing
âI-well-â
you felt the blush rushing to your cheeks. How much had he really seen?
âwhat are you doing here?â
âwell I was-â he cleared his throat, clearly nervous. You noticed his hands moving to cover his crotch, and how he was trying to make it look like he was just clasping his hands
âI was going to ask what you wanted for dinner but- â
you could tell he was nervous. he was switching his weight from one foot to the other and couldnât seem to look you in the eye
âBucky, do you need something?â You felt awkward with his just standing there, and the heartbeat between your legs was getting harder to ignore. His presence certainly didnât help that. Your thighs squeezed together again
âI want you. I want to taste you. Pleaseâ as he said these foods he met your eyes. He looked desperate, like a starved man. She hands over his crotch seemed to pressed against his length as he said this, like he was also getting turned on from this conversation
You froze. Was he serious? The heat between your legs only grew. You stared into his eyes, feeling your breathing get heavier as you nodded. you carefully removed the blanket from yourself, letting him see your fully naked body.
âfuckâ he uttered, followed by a involuntary moan. He stumbled over to you, already pussy drunk without even getting any.
he gripped your thighs like they were the only thing keeping his grounded and look pleadingly into your eyes
âIâve never- I donât know how-â
you cut him off
âitâs ok, i can teach you Buckyâ
You gently ran a hand through his hair, making him let out a little moan and close his eyes. *she gripped his hair now, firm enough to pull slightly but not cause pain. You gently guided him towards the center of your arousel
âgo on. youâll figure it out, ok? Iâll tell you what feels good and what doesnât. Just be gentle, and no need to rushâ
âitâs soâŠwetâ he said, an air of awe in his voice
your back arched off the bed as he began, licking a stripe up your slit. He let out a guttural groan
âyou taste so goodâŠJesus Christ y/nâ
you carefully pushed his head closer to your heat, moaning as his nose brushed up against it. Bucky, it seemed, has lost all control of himself. He was like a starved man eating his first meal in years.
âoh y/n⊠this is so good⊠youâre so beautiful⊠nghâŠâ
Youâd noticed by now that he was rutting himself against your mattress as he ate you out⊠what a needy boy.
âgood boy, yes⊠just like thatâ your breathing quickened as you chased your release
Bucky let out a guttural groan and his hips stuttered
you smirked. Did he really just cum from eating you out?
âdonât stop now Bucky, come on, be goodâ
It wasnât long before you came on his tongue. He didnât stop, wanting to continue tasting you, until you pushed his head away
âthatâs enough for now, Bucky. Come hereâ
You patted the bed beside you. Bucky stood up, his pants completely leaked through from his pre and orgasm.
âBucky, have you been avoiding me?â
sorry for the cliffhanger, but Iâll be working on part 3! â€ïžâ€ïž
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could you do a part 2 of bllk boys accidentally hurting their partner bu with a good ending please.
My stomach wouldn't be able to handle mor angst(â Tâ Tâ )
BABY YOU SOLD ME A DREAM PT.2
thanks for the req anon, i think youâre doing everyone a favour here by asking for this because whew! i was ready to dropkick a mf from writing pt.1 lmao
also if youâre here by chance itâs probably best if you read pt.1 for context before you read pt.2 | :3
characters: isagi yoichi, reo mikage, nagi seishiro, barou shoei, itoshi rin
content: overwhelming fluff, slight angst, major angst (in rin and barouâs part), reader is female coded (the term âgirlfriend â is used)
tags: @kaiserkisser @silly-ez @scaramouchemyloveee @mariyumemi @wishiknewwhatiwasdoingwithmylife @hsxhype @aquamarine001 @nxgiswife @hanagoromo-roses
âćœĄ ISAGI YOICHI
two weeks. two long, monotonous weeks spent without isagi. yes bachira did his very best to make sure you were comfortable with him, but you missed isagi so damn much.
it wasnât only difficult for you though, bachira was trapped in a bad position. due to him being a friend of both you and isagi, he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. while it was evident that isagi had fucked you over badly, being in a team with isagi and having him as a bestfriend didnât make things better. he couldnât just pick a side and be done with it.
unbeknownst to you though, isagi asked bachira multiple times each day about how you were doing. after some self reflection, he realised just how wrong he was for treating you that way. especially since people like you nowadays are hard to come by. someone so nurturing, caring and full of love and devotion for their s/o was quite the rarity to find. and to think he nearly lost all of that with just a few words. really opened up his perspective of things. he wanted to do better. for you and himself.
and so, he cut down his training times, making more time for himself to wind down from daily intensive workouts. he thought of words to say to you, to make it known to you that he was aware where he went wrong and was taking responsibility for his actions.
he also went shopping, to buy you a multitude of gifts. clothes, jewellery, trainers and heels, perfumes, trinkets. you name it, he bought it. it all cost him a hand and a foot, but he didnât mind, he would do it 100 times over for you. (we should remember this man is a professional footballer, heâs got dough.) once home, he placed all the gifts on the coffee table in the living room, having to put some on the floor due to the sheer amount he bought, ready to take them to bachiraâs tomorrow.
little did he know he wouldnât have to make the commute.
you had said your goodbyes to bachira that same day, thanking him for taking you in for so long with a big bear hug, to which he returned with just as much (platonic) love as you had shown him. you placed your bag in the backseat of your car, turning on the ignition and beginning the drive back home.
as the roads whizzed by you on the highway, so did the thoughts in your head. you were very nervous to have to talk to isagi again, to have to recall exactly what happened that night. glancing at the time on the dashboard, you drew the conclusion that isagi should be training right now, which would at least give you time to prepare before he got back.
as you pulled up to the apartment complex, the first thing you noticed was that isagiâs car was there, in his usual spot next to yours.
âheâs home?â
surely not, maybe he just hitched a ride or something. although that didnât make any sense whatsoever. there would be no reason why isagi would skip his evening trainings, not that you could think of anyways. even after joint practice with his team he would then further push himself to do his own training, polishing up on his skills. so to think heâs potentially broken that pattern confused you.
after parking your car and collecting your things you made your way to your front door, unlocking it and venturing in. once you placed your keys on the side table and took off your shoes, you walked into the empty living room, ultimately puzzled when you noticed the coffee table filled to the brim with bags from your favourite places.
âyoichi? you there?â
nothing.
you therefore assumed he was out, deciding to take a closer look at the bags. inside, everything you had ever bought for yourself or displayed interest in while out with isagi lay in each bag. even things that you didnât have, but wanted, were present.
he remembered.
your eyes immediately welled with tears of appreciation, head snapping to your bedroom door when you heard it open, isagiâs figure stepping out. you immediately jolted, not expecting him to actually be here, even though you didnât actually take the time to look and see properly.
âshit! y/n, youâre back? wait, whyâre you crying?â
in an instant he crossed the distance to you, wiping the tears away once he assessed and evaluated that you were not hurt.
âuhâ sorry. i shouldâve asked you first. is this okay?â he quizzed, holding the sides of your face tenderly. you nodded, leaning into his touch.
âare these for me yoichi?â you looked into his cobalt blue eyes. one hand left your cheek, rubbing at the skin behind his neck, suddenly feeling shy.
âermâŠyes. yes they are. i wasnât expecting you back though, i was gonna surprise you tomorrow. â he pulled you towards the sofa, sitting you down and looking deep into your (e/c) eyes.
âlook y/n, i know materialism doesnât take away what i did to you, but i want you to know just how sorry i am. you didnât deserve how i treated you. not two weeks ago or months before. i made you feel lonely, i put football before you. when you needed me, i shut you out. and i take full accountability for that. words couldnât describe just how badly iâm in love with you and how crazy you make me feel. i couldnât bear to lose that forever. hell, these two weeks without you have tormented me enough. a lifetime without you would finish me off for good.â
you listened to him speak every word, touched that he would say such soothing words to you. yes, you did expect him to apologise, but not to go above and beyond to show his willingness to change.
your nose started flaring, the sting of your eyes warning that you were about to cry again.
feeling uncomfortable with your silence, isagi pressed you slightly.
ây/n? are youâ are you oka-â
you cut him off by pouncing on him, engulfing him in a hug, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing him like it was your last.
âiâm yours yoichi. always and forever.â
âćœĄ MIKAGE REO
you woke up in the same hotel room you cried yourself to sleep in. throat dry, head pulsating and heart wounded. you needed some form of rejuvenation, but, considering you didnât have any clothes on you, seemed hard to achieve.
you reached for your phone, shocked when you saw 20 missed calls and 46 messages from the very same person who caused you anguish in the first place. opening the message app you see the most recent messages being sent at around 5am.
ây/n, where are you?â
ây/n please answer the phone!â
âare you safe at least, iâm worried about you.â
âi just wanna know if youâre okay, we need to talk.â
ây/n?â
ây/n please, im starting to worry, just send me a text, or something. let me know youâre okay.â
although you were beyond pissed at the guy, he was concerned for your safety, and to make him worry for you like that shouldnât have to be something anyone should experience.
you sent him a quick, straightforward response.
âiâm fine, you donât need to worry.â
the read receipt came as quickly as you sent it, a bubble popping up, signaling that reo was typing. however, after a few moments, it disappeared altogether, leaving your message standing alone.
you sighed, deciding that the least you could do was shower, feeling clammy and, simply put, dirty.
luckily, your job was well paying so you were able to book a lavish en-suite hotel room, although you didnât pay attention to that much last night, willing to go just about anywhere as long as it werenât near reo. inside the bathroom lay exquisite amenities, top branded shower gel, shampoo and conditioner, along with oils and different expensive face care products. an unopened toothbrush pack also was present on the bathroom counter, with toothpaste alongside it. and by the full glass shower itself stood a towel and robe on the hanging rack.
it werenât exactly clothes, but it was a start. better than staying in your dress the whole day. while you waited for the shower water to warm you looked at yourself in the mirror, cringing at how dishevelled your figure was. your cheeks were tear stained, causing your mascara to run, your lips had smeared lipstick still present, and your hair? letâs not even go there. you looked a hot mess, physical evidence of your current mood.
once heated to a substantial temperature you stepped into the shower, revelling at how that warm water melted into your skin. you made good work of scrubbing down your skin, leaving no traces of any events that may have transpired the day before.
soon enough you finished up your shower, stepping out and wrapping the towel round your figure, feeling refreshed, but still incomplete. you brushed your teeth next, trying to avoid letting your thoughts go off topic from the current task at hand.
just as you were walking into the room itself to look for moisturiser, you heard a knock at the door. it confused you to the core. no one actually knew your whereabouts so you couldnât rack your brain to guess who it could be. you ventured close to the door, looking through the peephole and visibly relaxing once you saw a hotel worker standing, waiting.
âhello?â
âah, good morning miss y/n, i have a bag here requested to be brought to you.â
if you werenât confused before, you were bewildered now. this meant that someone hand to have known whereâd you were, but how? only one way to find out.
ârequested by who, might i ask?â
âmrâŠmikage reo?â
what the actual hell. you were well and truly silenced by the revelation. more importantly, itâs quite amazing how he managed to find your location with such haste. although it shouldnât really surprise you so much, considering he probably had connections due to his status. it made you wonder just what exactly he brought to you.
âerm maâam?â
you cracked the door open, seeing one of reoâs duffel bags stuffed to the brim. the hotel worker held it out for you to take, bowing then turning to leave immediately after. you carried the heavy bag through the room, placing it on the ottoman at the end of the bed.
you stood for a second, debating whether you should open it or not. curiosity got the better of you though, and you unzipped the bag, stalling when you realised it was a bag of clothes for you, as well as the moisturiser you use, some makeup products and your favourite trainers. itâs like he somehow knew you would need clothes, probably since you didnât return home last night.
taking the clothes from the bag you realised he packed you one of your favourite hoodies, his own hoodie.
after moisturising yourself you started to put the clothes on, feeling slightly better about yourself. you looked into your makeup bag, seeing some of your basic everyday skin and hair products, as well as your everyday perfume, feeling grateful that reo at least paid attention enough to know what you liked and used.
just as you had finished your skincare routine you heard another lock at the door, wondering who it could be at this time. you got up and crossed your way to the door, looking through the peephole and freezing.
your boyfriend, reo stood at the door, looking around nervously.
you gauged your options for a moment, reaching an ultimatum with yourself that you couldnât avoid him forever. you opened the door fully, stepping to the side for him to walk in, which he did, stepping meticulously and with precaution, while you closed the door behind him.
all was silent for a moment, neither party knowing what to say to the other, a million thoughts rushing through the room. the tension was taut, the air thick, and awkwardness seeping in.
you collected yourself, deciding to start it off.
âthanks for the clothes, i appreciate it.â
âitâsâŠthe least i could do, considering how i treated you.â he said, simultaneously biting down on his lip.
âyeah.â
he moved closer towards you, looking at your expression to see if he was crossing boundaries at any point.
ây/n.â you looked at him with apprehension, worried about what may fly out of his mouth next. âi want you to know that what happened last night, was entirely my fault. i need you to understand that.â
you frowned with sadness displayed on your face. yes he may be owning up to his actions, but that didnât explain why he said what he said. especially if he could say something of that degree to you with such ease. it sounded like he meant every word.
becoming slightly anxious from your silence, he continued on.
âi made you it sound like you were inadequate or you were lower than me because i have money. i know it sounds bad, but y/n, itâs really the opposite. you donât look at me for my background, you look at me for who i am as a person. you make me feel normal. make me feel like i can be myself around you. i donât have to keep myself guarded around you and i appreciate you so much for it. i guess thatâs why i spoke out of turn to you like that last night. because youâre probably the only person who can actually knock me down a peg. and having nagi hear that made me scared. scared because i was vulnerable in front of him. of course, iâm not excusing my actions, and iâm not asking for forgiveness, i just want you to know iâm sorry.â
you nodded slowly in understanding, looking at the way he subconsciously tugged on a piece of his violet tresses. he left his hair down today. you loved it when his hair was down. he knew that.
âi hear you reo, but thatâs not the only issue. this whole problem stemmed from the fact that you spend too much time with nagi. i donât wanna be the girlfriend that prohibits you from spending time with your friends, thatâs not who i am, but when youâre with nagi so much that it makes you forget important dates, thatâs when it becomes a problem. especially when you then make it out to be like iâm the problem. no one is saying you canât be around him, but have a backbone please. heâs always there reo. sometimes i just want you to myself, is that too much to ask for?â
he realised where he went wrong, casting you aside for the sake of nagi, which wasnât cool. and he didnât want to lose you. you were too good to him and he felt so strongly about you. anything you asked for could never be too much, not to him.
and so, he stepped closer to you still, scooping you up in his arms and spinning you around, relishing in the way you wrapped your arms around his neck, both for stabilisation and comfort.
âno baby, itâs never too much. not when it comes to you.â
you squeezed him tighter, nuzzling your head into the crook of his neck and smiling.
âi donât like it when we fight reo, i love you too much for that.â
âi love you too y/n,â he placed you down gently on the bed, laying you back and caging you in with both arms, his hair hanging directly over your face. âsoâŠweâre gonna go back home and i want you to pack your bags. weâre going to mykonos for the week to celebrate our anniversary together.â
you straightened up, wondering where this was all coming from.
âhuh? reo, youâre forgetting something? you may be off season right now but i still have work.â
ânot for the next two weeks, i pulled some strings so now you have paid time off, which, gives you more time with your favourite man.â
you chuckled at his revelation, knowing he definitely used his power to threaten your manager. reo could be so demanding at times.
âspeaking of which, do you know where he is?â his face immediately darkened at that.
âwanna repeat that?â
ânope!â
âćœĄ NAGI SEISHIRO
nagi was in a state. it had only been 4 days since you broke up with him, but that was 4 days too long for him. it wasnât actually until you broke it off with him and it sunk in that you were gone, that it really registered for him.
he missed you.
it made him realise, as much as he hated being botheredâŠhe didnât mind if it were you. he really did enjoy spending time with you. especially when cuddling. your figure was so soft, a perfect cushion for him to lay on as he slept. you would play with his hair so gently, lulling him to sleep. and you were really pretty.
the apartment just seemed all the more empty without you. yes, he did live alone pre blue lock a few years back, but having you live with him made him get used to having someone around. he grew comfortable and accustomed to it. so much so that it felt lonely when you left.
you had temporarily went back to your parents house while you looked for a new place to live. you had a few items of miscellaneous clothing left behind in your room, but you had ran out, thus needing the majority of your stuff, which you had left back at nagiâs.
you left off, with the promise to your parents that youâd be back soon.
the engine hummed as you drove back, playing your playlist on a high volume, hoping to drown out the thoughts spiralling in your head, although it did little to silence them.
you didnât plan a time to leave out, but realised that you had coincidentally headed out at the same time nagi would be home, a meeting inevitable. oh well. had to happen at some point. you planned on a quick and brisk pit stop, hoping to minimise interaction with him as much as possible.
you pulled up to the apartment complex, walking through the lobby, swiping your keycard and pressing the lift to go to the penthouse.
in no time you reached the top, the lift doors opening. you stepped out and pushed your key into the lock, opening the door as silently as you could, walking in and shutting it with a click.
yes, you may have been moving around like a teenager after a forbidden night out, but you would much rather that than have to be further insulted by nagi, should he catch you.
alas, things cannot always go smoothly in life, for nagi had heard you, stepping out of the bedroom, shirtless with loosely hanging shorts, evidently having just woken up from a nap.
he instantly stopped, rubbing his eyes to see if he was tweaking or not. yet, you stood there, trying to disappear in that moment.
ây/nâŠyouâre here.â
âonly to get my things nagi, iâll be out of your hair in around half an hour.â
nagi. his own name turned his mood sour. heâd much rather you call him by his actual name, or sei, not his last. and you knew that fact very well, making sure he knew damn well you were serious.
you begun to hurriedly walk towards the bedroom, where he was standing by the door, attempting to walk past him as quickly as possible. he intervened however, stepping about halfway into the door so that you were now directly in front of him and couldnât get past, unless you spoke to him.
âare you really leaving y/n?â
âitâs l/n to you nagi, and yes. you donât get to say something like that to me and think weâll be cool after. itâs fucked up.â
you turned so he couldnât see you, tears beginning to form at the painful recollection of what occurred a few days ago. you didnât trust yourself to say anything else, for the fear of bursting into tears held you back.
âplease donât leave me y/n, i can do better, i promise. i regret what i said. really badly. iâmâ iâm sorry.â
you knew that nagi didnât like talking as it is (he referred to it as a hassle), so to have him trying to at least communicate with you did mean something. not enough to satiate you though.
ây/n?â
when you didnât say anything back he lightly tugged your hand and turned you around, eyes widening once he saw tears streaming down your face.
he attempted to console you, wanting to pull you into a hug, but drawing back when you lightly pushed him off you.
ây/n- whatâs wrong?â
âi canât sei, iâm scared. scared youâll grow bored of me. i donât know if iâm bothering you or not and it kills me to think that youâd spend more time on games than with me. you basically told me iâm a hassle. how the hell else am i supposed to take that?â
your tears wouldnât stop pouring down no matter how much you tried to calm yourself down, sniffles loud and clear as day.
something unusual happened to nagi as he watched you cry your eyes out. he felt his heart breaking into tiny shards at your state. more so because he knew it was because of him. he didnât want to be the cause of your pain. he didnât want to see you like this, experiencing such distress.
he wrapped his arms around you, one hand shielding your head and pulling your face into his bare chest, where you sobbed some more, letting up all the feelings built up from days prior.
âyouâre not a hassle y/n. i said that out of turn. you could never be a hassle to me. while you were gone, i couldnât even play my games properly. i just slept and trained because i missed you so much and didnât know what to do without you. i know iâm lazy, and i know i donât make you feel loved enough, but i do. i love you. iâll do better for you and i donât wanna be the reason why youâre upset. so please stop crying, wanna see your pretty face smile for me.â
you smiled into his chest, your sniffles beginning to subside and still.
âthank you sei, i really needed to hear that.â
âi would say it over 100 times for you. it might take a while but i wonât get bored of it. not when it comes to you.â
you wrapped your arms around his broad figure, squeezing tightly.
âwill you be my girlfriend again y/n? no one else can reach your level. not now, not ever.â
you let go of his body, instead placing your palms on the back of his neck, pulling him into a kiss.
âof course i will seishiro.â
âgood, because i wanna cuddle with my girlfriend.â
âćœĄ BAROU SHOUEI
it had been 2 months since you broke up with barou and he was miserable. who wouldâve thought you leaving would cause such a rift in his life? his performance in matches were shit, he became pissed off at people more easily, and he was benched more often.
due to him not having someone to talk to, he essentially had no form of a wind down from football, something you were able to give him while you were together. something he had come to miss, and wished he appreciated more.
the lack of your items in the house made your departure all the more apparent. your decorations and items around the apartment were what made the house a home.
and you as a person? what wasnât to like about you? you were a very levelheaded but gentle person, a great contrast to his fiery, angry personality. you catered to his every need, be it mentally, physically or sexually. your voice was what carried him through his day, soothing him to the bone, calming him down when he needed it. the more he thought about it, the more he realised he made a grave mistake pushing you out. the more he realised just how much he was attached to you, he was just unwilling to acknowledge it.
barou was no pussy, and he had enough of living like this, living without you, so he decided to get you back (and not fuck up this time).
he knew you were most likely staying at your childhood friend, chigiriâs house. he knew him very well, having done the blue lock training program with him years back, and played against him in several matches. he knew where he lived, having gone to parties held at his house through mutual connections.
and so, after practice, he grabbed his car keys and set off. he werenât good with words, so his mind stayed scrambled as he thought of all the things he could say to you. while he couldnât think of specific sentences to say to you, his goal remained the same.
after some time passed, he pulled up to chigiriâs house, your car the only one on the drive, which meant that only you were home. he switched off the ignition, stepped out of the car and walked up to the door.
with slight hesitancy, he lifted his fist to the door and knocked three times. he listened for any shuffling inside, but heard none. after a moment he turned away to leave, thinking you mightâve not been there after all. itâs possible you mightâve been out with chigiri in his car. yeah, that was probably it.
however.
âwhat do you want barou? i thought i was âmaking your life too hardâ?â
shit, you were home. your voice was muffled, due to you speaking through the door, having seen his figure through the peephole.
âi- i didnât mean that. not that way.â
you opened the door, allowing him to see a crack of your figure, donned in shorts and a tank top.
âthen how did you mean it barou? donât take me for an idiot, because iâm not one. no one says anything of that depth if you didnât feel that exact way before. so before you let anymore bullshit spout from your mouth tell me exactly how you meant it, in what context. because iâm tired barou, tired of being in a relationship where i feel like iâm treading on glass around you because you donât wanna do certain things. itâs not a nice feeling. you may not feel that way, but i do. iâve felt that way during our whole relationship, but i feel like i canât tell you shit so iâve kept. it. in.â
wow. he really didnât see things from your perspective. once he heard it from you, he realised just how much of a dickhead he sounded like. he couldnât say anything, how could he explain himself after that?
he didnât.
and after hearing no refutation or explanation from barou, you simply let go of any hopes of talking this out with him.
âshouei,â his ears perked at you using his first name. âi thinkâŠyou should go. i donât wanna have any hard feelings between us but i donât think weâre right for each other. please understand and respect tha-â
you stopped short of ending your sentence upon seeing barou turn and leave before he could hear you out, getting back into his car and preparing to drive off.
you sighed, shaking your head and closing the door, effectually ending your relationship for good.
he got what he wanted, right?
âćœĄ ITOSHI RIN
you woke up in the morning, immediately panning your vision to your left to see if rin had returned to bed. the bed imprints remained the exact same as you had left it when you fell asleep, which lead you to wonder if rin had even returned home.
you slid out of bed, your feet touching the cold wood floor, you trudged your way through the apartment, looking for signs of life, your shoulders falling in disappointment when you realised rin was nowhere to be seen. it was debatable if he even came home or not, the answer you would probably never find out.
you warred with yourself in your head about what to do. considering rin didnât even try to talk to you to rectify the situation showed he didnât really give a shit. if he didnât come home, then he probably didnât even know if you came home or not, which meant he isnât worrying about you or where you were.
you werenât a dickhead, and waiting for someone who evidently didnât want you seemed like such a desperate action, which you werenât trying to act like.
and so, calling a few willing friends, shedding some tears here and there, and half a day of hard work, you had effectively moved out of your shared apartment with rin, leaving a half completed home. he didnât return home the whole day, not that you gave a shit anymore.
imagine rinâs surprise when he returned home from his team practice, expecting to see you moping around somewhere, but instead, nowhere to be found. as a matter of fact, where the fuck was your stuff? the apartment looked very much empty right now. he took at least 15 minutes to look around, analysing his surroundings, the same he would do during a game. any potted plants you bought for the house, specifically for the living room disappeared. your stupid candle ornaments that somehow made the house look better? not a ghost of a trace left behind. your clothes? gone. even from the laundry basket, only his clothes remained.
your products, your favourite sleeping pillow, even your toothbrush was gone. you left no stone unturned, questionable if you ever lived there in the first place.
still slightly puzzled but somewhat aware of the answer behind all of this, he pulled out his phone, clicking immediately on the message app. he sent you a message, heart dropping and suspicions confirmed when his message was not only green, but displayed a ânot deliveredâ message underneath. you had blocked him, and moved out without his knowledge.
he knew you were pissed off from what had transpired, but he didnât know you would take action this soon. you didnât even wait to talk to him for the love of god. this wasnât supposed to happen this way, he was only angry at you because he felt threatened in the moment. but, recalling just exactly what he said to you, maybe it was warranted.
maybe it was for the best. you barely had enough time together as it is, due to unmatchable schedules and rin always being abroad. he was never able to give you enough love. funny, considering he didnât even make sure to tell you. looking back on it, he realised he was kind of a dickhead to you.
so, he let go of the relationship for good.
â
four months had passed. heâd gotten bigger as a football player after his team winning a multitude of matches had lead to him becoming their star player, constantly getting man of the match achievements. this lead to his popularity increasing, getting more fans and fame as a result. he had been abroad this whole time, focusing on his career.
oh. but donât think he had escaped you.
he couldnât get his mind off you.
you tormented his thoughts daily and nightly, his yearning for you and hate for himself flourishing simultaneously as he repeatedly recalled how he fucked up. he wished he could go back to that night, heeding your warnings.
either way, that couldnât be achieved now, for he didnât know your whereabouts. he hadnât known since that night on the pitch.
he tried to move on the best he could, returning back to japan to visit his parents whilst he had time off from football.
it just so happened one day while he popped out to a grocery store to get ingredients for his mother, the he saw the back of a familiar head, whisking away to the next aisle over. piquing his curiosity, he immediately paced to see if it way really who he thought it was.
and yes, the face he thought heâd never see again, the very same person who had been frequenting his mind,
you.
ây/n!â you froze, not expecting to find him here of all places. last time you had seen on tv, he was abroad. he wasnât supposed to be here. deciding you had to face the music at some point, you turned around, watching as his demeanour melted, at really seeing you again after so long.
ârinâŠhi.â
all was silent for a moment, not knowing what to say to each other. what does one say in situations such as these? not to worry, rin answered for you.
âhowâŠhowâve you been?â
âgood thanks, how about you?â
âiâve beenâ alright.â
silence settled again. rin wanted to voice so many things to you, starting with how he wanted you to know how heâs changed. how heâs calmed down in terms of training. how heâd make more time. he wanted you to know heâd do things differently, if you ever took him back. he wanted you to come home⊠but he didnât know where to start.
he would have to at some point however, for you wanted to get away from him as soon as possible.
âwellâŠum, it was good seeing yo-â
âwait!â he interjected, panic settling in that you would disappear and he would never get the chance again. âiâ i just wanted to tell you thaââ
ây/n baby, iâve got the washing powder.â
baby? what the fuck?
he looked just past you to see a guy walking up to you, taking the basket from your hands with a peck to your cheek. you smiled at the action, lacing your hand in his hair as he took place behind you. he then noticed rin, standing there with visible shock on his face, confused on what he missed while he was gone.
âwhoâs this?â
âoh, just an old friend.â a bold faced lie. anyone with two functioning brain cells could feel the history between you two. âiâve got my stuff so letâs go to the queue. nice seeing you rinâŠhave a good day.â you walked off with your supposed new boyfriend. a boyfriend that wasnât him.
have a good day? after you just shattered his heart like that?
his throat turned dry, awareness sinking in.
he wanted you to come homeâŠbut he was too late.
baby you sold me a dream pt.3
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Right around the corner - Azriel (5)
AHHHHH this is the final part and let me tell you I'm SAD. It was so hard to write the ending you all deserve after all this love, so I tried my best. Let me know what you think! Also, you deserve A LOT, so I made it long hehehe. Don't worry, a request about the RATH universe is coming soon! If you want one too, drop it in my inbox!
(1), (2), (3), (4)
Plot: The story of how Azriel fixed what was broken, and how you forgave him.
Warnings: this is sad, but has a happy ending! Also, mental health issues.
No one expected the sidra to froze that year, and against everyone expectation, one day Velaris had woken up to see the riven covered by a silver layer. Children had missed school to skate in the solid surface, parents watching carefully from the edge. Some couples were skating too, holding hands and giggling endlessly.
You had been watching the new scene unfold all morning. And while you usually loved snow and ice as much as any child in town, you were starting to get a little sick of all the noise.
It wasnât your new employee situation, who had been staring at the river all morning. She had already finished her duties, but always the polite and nice girl, Elain Archeron was keeping you company.
When you spotted for the third time the familiar red-head through the glass and she didnât say anything, just sighed, you decided you had enough.
âYou should tell him to get in before he freezes to deathâ you commented, still busy with measuring the ingredients.
âOh, noâ Elain blushed and looked away from the window. âNo. Heâs just⊠He can waitâ
âHe can, but doesnât have to. You and Lucien should head out, rent ice skates and have a fun day. You already finished hereâ you smiled kindly at her, and before she could reply, you added. âIâm fine, I donât even like cold weather. And I still need to finish this, which you canât help me with. So, goâ
Elain stared at you with uncertainty, and you tried to look as convinced as possible. Would you have liked her to stay? After all, she was one of the few people you socialized with these days. She had turned in when you opened the bakery again, right after you posted the sign about looking for a new partner.
And even if you had had your doubts when you discovered she was Feyreâs sister and Azrielâs friend, you considered her your own friend.
So, yeah, you would have liked her to stay. Because you were still awfully sad all the time, and her company was one of the few things that made your day better. But you being sad didnât excuse her missing a wonderful day with her mate.
âItâs not closing time yetâ her eyes danced between the glass and you. âHe was supposed to wait for me at the houseâ
âGuess heâs too eager to see you. Heâs been dancing around the bakery for a good hourâ you chuckled. âElain, I mean it. Go. Have fun. Iâll see you on Mondayâ
âY/N, I promise I donât mind waiting. Itâs not like it will unfreezeâ
âAnd I promise I donât mind at all. So, go, have fun and tell me about it on Mondayâ you gripped her hand softly over the counter, nodding to the waiting mal outside. âCome on, goâ
Lucien was once more outside the bakery, the only visible part of him his red hair. He was covered in thick layers, but still managed to smile when Elain kissed your cheek and took her coat on the way out.
You didnât have it in you to watch them be affectionate with each other, so you looked down at your task and decided it would be the last of the day.
It was hard watching all those couples walking hand in hand and remembering the feel of his warm, scarred hand in yours. To hear a man laughing and remember the unexpected laughs you dragged out of him sometimes. Even looking at the river was painful, because you could almost see the ghost of Azriel and you learning how to skate in a frozen lake in the Illyrian mountains a few years ago.
You had seen Azriel around a few times now, walking through your bakery and waving at you through the glass. Two times he had been waiting at the door when it was late at night, silently walking you home from afar without talking. Almost two months had passed by and your feelings were still as messed up as before.
Though you didnât cry as much as before, and you were starting to get better, you still wondered.
If Azriel getting help would mean your relationship would be fixed, or if it was broken permanently. Deep in your thoughts, and used as you were to Azrielâs shadows, you didnât notice how they tugged on your apron until the door sounded again.
Elainâs name didnât leave your lips, because as soon as the door opened, you lost your breath. As if you had summoned him, Azriel walked through the door, beautiful as ever. He wasnât in his usual training leather, but winter clothes that fit him as a glove. Instantly, you noticed he had lost weight. His shoulders were slumped and his body didnât carry the usual grace of an Illyrian warrior.
âHiâ
His scarred hands, that had held you so many times and slaughtered so many enemies, were tucked in his coatâs pockets. You could feel the nervousness through the bond, the hesitance. Too stunned to answer, you only stared at him.
You had known that, eventually, he would talk to you. That you would have to do more than just wave at each other through the glass and stay silent when he sent you details through Elain. But still, you hadnât expected it.
Unable to move, you only blinked.
âI saw Elain and Lucien heading outâ he added, not looking away from you. âItâs a nice day outsideâ
Azriel hadnât finished before one of his new shadows scaped his control, sneaking around the counter. The familiar ones, that had been by your side since he left, danced around the new intrusion. It lifted your apron, and crawled up your neck.
The cool feeling was the last of your worries, because no matter how much you willed yourself to say something, you couldnât even tear your eyes from him.
The bond flickered between the two of you, once more. Knowing that it was one-sided, that he didnât wear it like you did, made break your trance.
âSheâs finished for the dayâ you explained, sounding way more confident that what you felt.
âItâs a nice day, yeahâ he repeated, not giving you time to feel awkward before he continued âI thought that maybe you wanted to take a walk with me. Itâs cold, but we could⊠get coffee. Or chocolate, if you wantâ
Azriel gave you a half, broken smile. Hearing his voice again made you take ten steps backward.
âI have things to doâ
You looked down to your current task, which could be easily discarded. You had left much important things half-done because of him, and you would have done it normally without a second thoughts. But no matter how heartful the conversation at your door had been, you just knew you werenât ready to have a conversation without getting angry.
You knew you werenât ready to forgive him.
His new shadow gripped your wrist tightly before disappearing, and you heard Azrielâs doubt. He wanted to say something else, and you wanted too. Still, you fell back to your measuring and ignored the way your vision blurred, how your knees became weak again.
Maybe going back to your duties was the only way not to break down again.
The silence continued for a long minute. You couldnât not feel his presence, the way his scent filled the bakery and made your stomach turn. Your heart recognized what you needed, what you wanted, and threatened to jump out of your chest.
Before you could regret your words, Azriel opened the door again.
âYouâre forgetting the yeastâ he said, his voice thick with emotion.
When you looked up again, he only smiled. You opened your mouth to tell him to wait, maybe to fuck off and never come again. You didnât have time, because Azriel closed the door behind him and he was gone.
The first tear fell against the unformed dough, followed by many more. You wouldnât be finishing the blueberry cake that afternoon, you realized, as you crunched behind the counter and cried.
-
There was a storm coming, and everyone in Velaris had had the same idea â run to the market, buy everything they needed for a few days, and crowd themselves at home with their loved ones. You were trying to follow the first part of the plan, not having anyone to go home anymore. And if that wasnât enough reason to drag you down, the crowd was getting intense.
Velarisâ market was a beautiful place, full of shops and nice vendors. But that day, the space felt too small.
You already had a few bags with you, yet there were a few more to go. Wanting to finish as soon as possible, you had ignored the rational part of your brain and had gotten in the middle of the crowd. You had only managed to buy milk and pasta, and still had a long way to go.
After Azrielâs brief appearance, your life had been messier than before. He had come by the bakery at least five times more, always offering you some kind of plan you rejected. Going to the park, for a flight or to a coffee shop. Taking walks, watching the sunset or training together.
You lived now half-prepared to see him walking through your door again, and not having the heart to tell him no. You werenât sure if that thought frightened or comforted you.
In your haste, you had almost forgotten to buy provisions for the storm, and had found yourself on the worst day to do them. Crowded, loud and suffocating, that was how you would describe the market at that moment.
The fact that most people ran with their children and family wasnât helpful at all.
Most of the times, it was Azriel who did the last-minute shopping for you. He knew you didnât like crowds, loud places, that you did best in your bakery where only five people were allowed at a time.
Another shove broke you down from your daydreaming, and you looked back to see a pregnant woman staring with her eyebrows furrowed.
âThe line is movingâ she spatted, pointing to the small space ahead of you. âIf you donât move with it, you should step outâ
âOh, noâ you chuckled softly. You picked up the bags on the ground and took the two small steps that you were supposed to. âSorry, I just thought I could take a little bit more space. Itâs crowded hereâ
âI donât mind crowds, so if you want to step back, let me get first. Iâm in a hurryâ
âMe tooâ you gave her a polite smile, mindful of her state.
The short distance that separated you from the customer on the front was certainly not enough, and she knew it. Still, she looked at you with disapproval. There were only five more people to go until it was your turn, you could buy your snacks and run to the next stall.
You thought you could ignore the glare at the back of your neck, and you did for a few minutes. Without meaning to, you thought how everything with Azriel was easier. Not only people wouldnât dare to talk to him like that, but also, he assured you a good meter of distance between you two and the rest of the world with his wings.
The snacks on your hands almost fell when, not even two seconds after the man took three steps forward, you were shoved again.
That time, when you looked back, the woman was accompanied by her mate. His wings covered her from the people behind them.
âYou should really step out of the lineâ she repeated. âYou might have all the time in the word, but we are in a hurryâ
âMe too. You canât expect me to be glued to that manâ you tried to explain, anxiety coiling in your stomach. âHe just movedâ
âAnd you didnât, which proves my point. Besides, itâs obvious you only have a few things. We have moreâ
âWhich should be enough reason to let me go first, not only because I was here before youâ you shrugged, feeling even more uncomfortable when the male huffed a laugh. âMaybe itâs you who shouldnât have come here today if you canât wait in a lineâ
You werenât a threat for the woman, and you were trying really hard to be polite and prove your point. Besides, being pregnant wasnât an easy task, and you could tell she was far along. Maybe you should have let her pass, or maybe told her to fuck off.
But before you could argue further, something clicked in the maleâs eyes, wide with recognition.
And you would have preferred for him to go full berserk mode on you. Because you recognized that look, you had been receiving them for a while now.
The male elbowed the womanâs side softly, pointing with his chin towards you. You didnât have time to turn back and avoid the conversation, because he spoke.
âYouâre the shadowsingerâs mateâ he announced, loud enough to make a few heads turn.
âOhâ the woman finally connected the dots and lunged forward to grab your arm so tight you couldnât shake her off. âIâm so sorry. Iâm sorry, I didnât recognize youâ
âItâs fine. Donât worryâ you pushed your arm back, trying to let go.
While the woman apologized, you couldnât help but listen to the whispers. The same ones you had heard in your bakery and through the streets. Some of them thrown in your face by rude or nosy customers that didnât understand the concept of privacy, others by bystanders.
At the end, it was the woman who said it out loud, confirming what everyone in the small circle that had formed at the cue was wondering about. She finally let go of your arm and crossed hers in front of her body.
The look of pity wasnât as bad as the confirmation.
âHe rejected you, right?â it wasnât a question, not when you didnât answer and she continued. âWe heard youâve been mated for almost a century and he doesnât want the bond. Is that true?â
It wasnât true, but you didnât have the heart to correct her. Instead, you turned around and used your wing-less privileges to sneak through the crowd. You kept your head down, as if that could stop you from hearing the comments or feeling the stares.
People had come up with an alternative version where Azriel and you had been mated for decades, for centuries. Where you had cheated on him or he had changed you for someone else. You had even heard that he had bonded with another person and had kicked you out of the house, and that you had been the one rejecting the bond.
Each version was farthest from the truth than the last one, but they all hurt the same. The crowd didnât seem to get thinner no matter how deep you got in the market. Once the people who had heard the conversation were left behind, new people crowded you, worried about the girl panicking and running through the middle of the market.
There were a few occasions where you thought you would fall, where you tripped and almost embarrassed yourself farther. You had almost made it to the back entrance of the market when you finally realized you were tripping no more. There was no longer a crowd around you, nor whispers or hands reaching your way.
It took you another few steps to fully stop and assess the situation. When you looked back to see where the crowd was, you were met with a broad chest inches away from you. Through tearful eyes, you recognized Azrielâs wings tucking you away from people, his mere presence pushing them away.
You met his hazel eyes, full of worry and regret. His hair was longer, covering his brow, but you found comfort in his crooked nose, in his freckles, that you knew so well.
You noticed in his hands your bags that had been left in the stall, a new one with the snacks you were about to buy.
âWhat â what are you doing here?â you choked out, too grateful for the sudden moment of peace to wonder about anything else.
âI felt you through the bond, a few hours ago. Anxious andâŠâ he stopped himself, his eyes scanning every tear that marked your cheeks. âI was just getting here when it got worse. I heard most of it. Iâm ââ
âDonât say youâre sorryâ you interrupted him. âItâs not your faultâ
Out of the many things that were indeed his fault, people not minding their own business wasnât his. You were used to him blaming himself for everything, from wars in other courts to people fighting in the street. The response came naturally.
Your nose was cold and runny, your hands frozen in your pockets, and your feet hurt. Besides all of that, you felt all wrong. Because you enjoyed his presence, because what they said, and because you couldnât help but calm down when he was close.
Azriel didnât say anything when you took the bags from his hands, thanking him quietly. He didnât say anything as more people walked away from him, either because of his wings or because they recognized him.
âYou donât like last minute shoppingâ
It was a pointless observation, but it was better than to comment on how afraid he had been when, just outside the market, he felt the bond snap with urgence. His shadows knew where you were, and that you needed him, but even he had trouble running through crowds. Azriel also couldnât talk about how mad he had been at everyone in that stall, how his new shadows had turned off every light and almost chocked them to death.
Azriel wanted to say that you were probably cold because you didnât like your own coats, and most of the times wore one of his. He wanted to hug you, too, to feel you between his arms after what felt like an eternity and promise you that it would end well.
But he couldnât say anything more than the obvious.
âI had toâ you answered.
With a furious fist, frustrated at life, at him and at you, you brushed the tears off your cheeks. You could tell that he wanted to keep talking, and you did too. Since your last encounter, you had come up with more conversations you should have.
You stared at each other for what seemed forever. There were details that you had almost forgotten in your sorrow â like his long lashes, that you teased him about. Or the freckle that snuck up to the corner of his left eye. The way his mouth rose higher from the right, and the small scar on his ear from where Cassian dared him to wear an earring.
Only his face was enchanting enough to help you forget about the day, about the weight of your chest. It was the first closing call from the market, that sounded through the public speakers, that broke you away.
âI should goâ
âI should goâ
You talked at the same time, and you smiled softly when you pointed to different directions. You didnât miss how his eyes fell to your mouth, how his own lifted up too.
âI could walk you backâ he offered, not tearing his eyes away from your mouth. âIf you let meâ
You didnât answer immediately. Those last words, that he had repeated so often lately, almost had you saying yes. You could almost imagine how it would go â him walking by your side, one of his wings behind your back. His elbow brushing yours, and his gaze fixed on you.
Your smile dropped when you remembered the times you had walked just like that, tucked together. The times you had waked by yourself through Velaris with his imprint on you, and the times he had left without a trace of your presence.
Azriel knew the answer before you said it, and his shoulders dropped slightly.
âSorryâ
That time, you decided to turn away before he could. Taking the back exit was a poor choice, knowing it was farther from your house than the main one, but you couldnât picture yourself walking through the market without Azriel keeping the crowds a step away.
So you turned around, gripped your bags tight and didnât tear your eyes from the ground during the whole way back.
-
It wasnât Azriel who found you the time everything changed, but you.
The cold and winter were over, the streets were clean and the sun was out. It was a perfect day to spend outside, and Elain seemed fixed in throwing you out of your own shop. She claimed that the bags under your eyes were as dark as the night, and that your skin was so pale that she couldnât tell the flour stains apart from it.
âJust for the record, youâre kicking the owner of the bakery out of the bakeryâ you stated, looking at her once more from the door. âYou do realize that shouldnât happen, right?â
âIâm helping a friend come out of her ghost-like seasonâ she replied, still decorating muffins. âAnd you do realize that most shops close on Sundayâs, right?â
âCertainly not a bakeryâ you looked to the empty fountain at her right. âIf we do it together, we will â â
âIf you touch one single item of this bakery, Iâm banning you from the kitchen for a monthâ
You doubted she meant it, she could. But still, you sighed and turned around to open the door. You werenât an extrovert, certainly not an outsider. Since you were a child, you liked your kitchen, your house, and your space. And none of those things were outside the door.
But you actually feared what the fae you left behind would do if you turned back. Elain had already hidden your apron so you couldnât put it on, and had threatened to mismatch the soy milk with normal one.
Giving her a last, tight smile through the glass, you walked towards the center of Velaris.
Not many people were outside that soon on a Sunday morning, but you were glad for her insistence the moment the sun kissed your face. The cold weather was disappearing and you could feel warmth across your cheeks. It was still cold, and it would be for at least another week, but the change in the weather promised a happy spring.
You walked aimlessly around Velaris, stopping to watch the Sidra move every now and then. Your feet carried you through unfamiliar streets, all of them filled with colors and smells. The longer you walked, the healthier you felt. Each step felt like a weight lifted from your chest, and you even smiled to a few usuals you found in the streets.
The main square peeked through the streets. It wasnât your usual destination, too crowded and not as pretty as other parts of the town. But you still walked through it, feeling at ease and happy.
It had happened before, usually the days before you started your cycle, and you should have known the feeling of ease had nothing to do with the weather or the walk. It had happened and it happened again, just as you rounded a corner to walk in the square.
If, by any chance, Azriel hadnât noticed you coming, the shadows that tugged him away from where he was standing would have made it obvious.
His eyes widened when he saw you, and you felt that peaceful feeling making its home for the day. There was no sorrow, no sadness, and none of the usual feelings that lately you felt when it came to him.
You cursed yourself stupid when you realized that you cycle was coming, and that every year you were in a mood until Azriel showed up, your hormones demanding your mate.
âY/Nâ
Your name fell from your mouth and just by hearing it you noticed something different. It was new, and at the same time, you thought you recognized it somehow. You looked to his empty hands, to the syphons on his shoulders and chest and truth-teller on his side.
It looked like you had interrupted something important to him. But instead of running away from him like the last two times, you took a step closer.
âAre you going on a mission?â you pointed with your chin to his leather, eyes stopping at his chest. There was that thing, that you couldnât name.
âJust came back. I wasâŠâ
Azriel looked to the building he just exited and for a moment, in silence. You had met a bunch of times since the incident in the market, and you had started having longer conversations. About the weather, about your bakery, and even about his family, who you finally knew officially.
Certainly, your relationship had improved, although it wasnât just fixed yet. When he didnât answer, you were reminded of all the times he had kept things to himself, either out of fear or doubt.
He seemed to doubt between telling you and keeping it to himself. Any other time, you knew, he would have kept it to himself. He had done it, in the past â when you asked him about his job, or tried to understand his past. Many times where he had evaded the truth or his emotions.
Your mood, that had been in a rush since you left the bakery, fell a little at his silence. He looked torn and you were ready to leave, before he answered.
âThis is Madjaâs house. I meet her here so we can talk, usually during the weekâ he looked back at you, watching the surprise of his statement. âBut something happened and I needed to talk to herâ
âWhat happened?â
Azrielâs lips were pressed tight, debating on whether he should tell you or not. He wouldnât have doubted about it a year ago â he wouldnât tell you, because in his eyes, it would only hurt you more than he already had. But he had learnt new things, and had realized that a relationship was built on trust. And that his fears, his perception of the reality, had broken yours.
He had cut the mission short when he had noticed, though he wasnât sure he had ever done something like that. Azriel didnât know what had triggered it, why it happened in the Winter court and not anytime sooner.
Madja, of course, had had an answer ready â an answer that had left him staring at her door for long twenty minutes before you appeared.
âKallias should have sent something to Rhysand, but he didnâtâ he started, not sure why he was traveling so far from the event. âSo I went to check. Turns out someone must have taken it and, well, I tried toâŠâ
He trailed off before he could finish, aware of your confusion. You never talked about what he did for Rhysand, in any court. No matter how big or small was the assignment, he didnât tell you about it.
But that wasnât what your confusion was about, at least not all of it. You couldnât possibly notice because you had given it for granted since the beginning, but Azriel did notice. He noticed the change as soon as it happened, and babbled when he explained to Rhysand what he should have been feeling for years.
Had explained to Madja moments ago, who had given him a knowing smile and a proud nod.
âI accepted the bondâ he confessed, continuing before you could say anything else. âI donât know how, or why, but I was there and suddenly I was hit with â with this in my chest, and I donât know why it wouldnât happen soonerâ
âYou accepted the bondâ you repeated, looking between his chest and face.
âI donât know how, or why now. I was, thinking⊠And it hit meâ Azriel smiled sadly, not saying what his thoughts were about â what they had been about since that night. âI didnât want to tell you, because, this is, you donât have to do anything now. Me accepting the bond doesnât change what I didâ
Azriel hadnât meant to tell you, neither to be so vague and ridiculously nervous about it.
It had been a surprise when, in the middle of a conversation, he felt it. He had been thinking about you, because there were flowers and they were pretty against the cold weather, and to him, you were the prettiest thing the Cauldron had made. One moment Kallias had been going through the last movements of the package and the next the high lord was looking at him with raised brows.
Congratulating him for something that should have happened six years ago.
âItâs not that I didnât want the bond before, Y/Nâ he continued when you didnât say anything. âI promise you, I didnât know how to accept it. I didnât know that I deserved itâ
Azriel had thought, and he still wanted to, that you so pretty that you were meant for someone else. That it was borrowed time, that he didnât deserve the bond just as he didnât deserve you. With Madja and Rhys, they had had deep conversations about his mental health, about his version of life where he lived through a glass of pain and rejection.
As he stared at your surprised form, he tried not to let hope leak into his heart. He knew it didnât fix what was broken, but he hoped it was the first step of a long recovery to win you back.
Only if you could confirm or deny, instead of stare at him.
âSay somethingâ Azriel finally broke, almost begged. âWhatever you want. Just say somethingâ
And you wanted to, because wasnât that what you had wanted? You had fooled yourself lately thinking about may what ifs. What if he had accepted the bond in the bagging, what if he had told you that he wasnât fine, that he was broken and needed help.
What if you had helped him and not rushed things when he wasnât ready. Now, it felt like the Cauldron was giving you that opportunity, only that you didnât know how to react.
You finally looked away from him and decided to give an experimental tug on the bond, to see if anything had changed.
It had.
âAzâ
It was a chuckle, maybe the beginning of a cry. It was anger but also relief because what came back from that tug wasnât what you usually felt. It was stronger, solid, as if there was a physical string between your bodies that kept you linked.
Usually, it was just an intense feeling that was enough for you. But now that you felt him tugging back, felt him loving you, you couldnât hold back another laugh. He shoved down through it everything he felt â adoration, love, joy. Many fears that had you stumbling towards him, and pain.
So much pain that your smile dropped. His dropped too, and you felt the bond getting fainter.
âThatâs another reason. I didnât want you to feel⊠thatâ Azriel retreated the bond farther. âI have so many fears and pains here that I couldnât even imagine sharing them with you. And that â â
âYou donât have to feel ashamedâ you cut him off, your voice hoarse. âI love you the sameâ
Words were unnecessary when you hugged his middle and buried yourself in his chest. He curled around you, like he had done so many times.
The channel snapped open again, and you just closed your eyes tightly. It was an endless source of emotions, and it broke you that most of them were bad. There was rejection, from so many people that it felt like an angry, black bull coming your way. Sadness that felt overwhelming and never ending, always coming in waves when Azriel didnât expect it.
You also felt disgust, and you only held him tighter when you discovered it was self-disgust. Not only at the things that he had done, but also at what had been done to him. The scars on his hands, the shadows around him. He had hated himself for so long he had forgotten how to love.
But then, at the bottom, there was something bright, and that part you realized it was only dedicated to you. There was his family too, but it wasnât as intense as his love for you. Everything that he lacked during his life, that he yearned for, was tucked where it mattered the most.
âI love youâ he whispered against your head, softly. âI love youâ
You didnât answer, just raised your head until you could brush your lips against him. Later, you would have time to blame the cycle, which you wouldnât get for another two months, or the emotions of the moment. But you knew it was just what you needed, what you both deserved, when you felt him kissing back.
At the beginning, it was just his lips against yours, and it was enough. Your noses brushed each other, you got on your tiptoes and his wing cocooned both of you. His hands only pressed you tighter against his body when you moved your lips against his, brushing the edge of your tongue against his bottom one.
Azriel could barely keep himself straight when you silently asked for permission to open his mouth, which he happily obliged. Â
From that moment, it was crashing. The kiss was only a physical proof of your feelings traveling through the mated bond, so wild and intense you couldnât tell which one was his or yours.
âIâm sorry, darlingâ he whispered against your lips, giving you no time to reply. âIâm sorry for hurting you, for being a coward. Iâm sorryâ
âI forgive you. We donât keep secrets anymoreâ you managed to say between kisses.
âNeverâ Azriel answered while leaving kisses on your cheeks and nose.â
âAnd weâll talk about our emotions, and feelings. Youâll tell me about your life when I askâ
âAlwaysâ
âYou wonât close off to meâ you pulled his head away and made him look at you.
While you held his face between your hands, Azriel smiled. It was a different smile from the previous ones, from the ones you had seen so far. It was carefree, loving, and yours.
Your thumb brushed the corner of his eye, his upper cheek, the border of his nose.
âIâm here, Azriel. Always. So you donât have to hide anything from me, or to be ashamed or afraid. Iâm hereâ you closed the distance once more, controlling the kiss by holding onto his face. âRight around the cornerâ
âRight around the cornerâ he repeated, dipping his head and sealing all his promises with another kiss.
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Iâm begging you for a part 2 of the knowing the slashers when they were younger fic where they meet when theyâre older if youâre up for it ofcđ
You knew slashers when you were a child and now you grow up and met them
Characters: Thomas Hewitt, Brahms Heelshire, brothers Sinclair
TW: mention of blood, violence, stockholm syndrome.
Ps: english is not my native language, so sorry for misspells. And also i really didn't know what I needed to write about Sinclair, because i need to rewatch the movie to remember their characters, so i didn't write about them. I hope you'll enjoy our sweet Tommy and baby boy Brahms
Part one ËËË âĄ ËËË
Thomas Hewitt
You just recently graduated from college and decided to celebrate it with a trip with your friends to one of the US states. The choice fell on Texas. You still had pleasant memories of your school life in this place in your heart, and your heart ached at the thought of how soon you left your hometown. Not that you would call these people friends, but you were good acquaintances and helped each other with tasks. And so you packed your bags and within half an hour you were all driving together in a small SUV. The boyfriend of one of your 'friends' (Jessica) was driving. He was a good man, although he joked about unpleasant topics from time to time. But you turned a blind eye to it. In the end, you will finally find yourself back in the good old Texas.
The road was long, so you had a lot of time to think. You were sitting in the farthest seat, staring into space and slowly stroking an old, slightly battered fox toy with your hand. Your thoughts revolved around one person. That shy little boy you had such a happy conversation with years ago. It was your first memorable friend. You no longer had friends who could surpass sweet Tommy.
Finally, the car turned at a sign with the inscription of a city you know. Your heart started beating faster and you couldn't suppress a smile in anticipation. Soon you will see him again, a sweet shy boy. Although now it will probably be a guy, after all, it's been almost twelve years. This figure was almost painful.
The Texas landscape flowed like a soft canvas on the other side of the window, the sun mercilessly burned his eyes, refracting through the glass. It was hot and stuffy. You're lucky to get into one of the hottest periods in Texas. This place has changed somewhat, although it remains the same as you remembered it. The once small plantings have now turned into real tall trees, although they did not save much from the sultry sun. The wheels of the car turned quickly on turns with an unpleasant sound, raising a cloud of dust behind them. Jessica's boyfriend, Tim, apparently loved playing racer very much, even on the main state road.
By all the laws of luck, Tim abruptly informed you that you were running out of gas. There was a gas station nearby. You entered a small diner next to the gas station, and your heart instantly warmed up. It was that sweet woman, Thomas's mom. Luda-May, isn't that right?
"Hello, Luda," you say with a slight smile, approaching the cash register. The woman looks up at you with a frown, peering at your appearance for a few seconds. Finally, recognition seemed to flash across her face.
"Y/N?" She asks dryly, her voice a little rougher than what you remember from childhood. You nod in response. A warm smile appears on Mrs. Hewitt's face and she hurries out from behind the counter, wrapping you in a gentle, almost maternal embrace. "God, girl.. I never thought I'd see you again. You've grown up so much."
"I'm so sorry that I left so quickly. It was my parents' idea, not mine."
"I understand, honey, don't worry. We've all missed you. Especially Tommy."
The mere mention of his name makes your heart ache. Tommy... You haven't seen him for so long. Your heart yearned for those beloved cornflower blue eyes. You reluctantly pull away from the cozy embrace of Luda, your hand reflexively reaches for your hair, removing a stray strand from your face when you understand the look at a woman.
"You still live there, don't you? Can I see him?"
"Of course, my girl. I've just finished. Hoyt should be arriving soon."
Hoyt? Your brain was carefully trying to find at least one mention of that name in your memory, but nothing came to mind. Strange. Although it may be one of their relatives or friends, after all, you haven't been here for too long, it couldn't have stayed the same, could it?
What was your surprise when that Hoyt turned out to be old Charlie. Although his appearance was now quite pretentious: sheriff's clothes, hat and badge. Something was wrong. This man has been lazy all his life, he could not suddenly decide to go to work in a place related to healthcare. But you chose to remain silent. Hoyt didn't seem to recognize you. When he saw your friends, he invited them to go with them, saying that he had a can of gasoline at home.
"Take the guys, and then you'll come for us. I don't think the sheriff's car can hold that many people," Luda intervened, grabbing your arm protectively. It's got you a little stressed out. Although there was some truth in her words. Five former students came with you, all of them obviously wouldn't have gotten into Charlie's car. The man wanted to say something, but gave up, nodding to the woman.
And so they left. All that time, Luda was asking about your life, enjoying listening to stories from college. She was more interested in this than your own parents. And now Hoyt is back. He was in high spirits. You got to the Hewitt house safely. As a child, as now, the building was still huge for you. Luda carefully led you into the kitchen, offering you tea. God, you've missed this place.
"Tommy! Come here, we have guests," Luda shouted and you heard hurried rustles and heavy footsteps from the basement.
It made you tense up a little bit. Finally, a couple of minutes later, a tall man, the size of an entire closet, entered the kitchen. Your blood turned cold. You slowly looked up. A long, tall body, wavy dark hair and a leather mask on his face. He frowns down at you, seeming to evaluate you with his cold blue eyes.
"Tommy?" As if nothing had happened, Luda-Mae asks in a cheerful voice, "Do you remember Y/N?"
It seemed that at that moment the gears were turning in his head. You needed time to think about it too. Was this huge man Thomas? No, of course, Tommy was a bit of a big kid as a kid, but he was still quite small. The only thing that attracted attention was his bandage on his face. Now it has been replaced by a strange leather mask.
You didn't even have time to think, as careful footsteps were heard from the basement. It seemed, but Tommy and none of the People were found at first. And Tim appeared behind Thomas. God, he was covered in blood and his back was bleeding. Your face is filled with pure horror. And that gave Tim away. Thomas notices your fear and turns around, immediately grabbing Tim roughly and dragging him back to the basement. Your brain screamed like a hunted animal that you needed to get out of here and urgently. Something has happened to this family, something bad, since they communicate with other people like that. But as soon as you tried to run to the exit, at that moment you were hit by something heavy on the back of the head.
His heart ached for you. You were the first person who ever showed him kindness in your life, and now you will surely be afraid of him. God, he wouldn't want to see fear in your beautiful eyes when you're afraid of him. His body was filled with an unpleasant feeling of disappointment and pain. He didn't want that, really. But he wanted to keep you by his side, he didn't want to let you go again. And he didn't want you to hurt the family. So now he was gently wiping the remnants of blood from your beautiful face, tucking stray strands of hair behind your ear. You were still as beautiful, his heart began to beat faster, as it did when he was a child. He saw that toy in your friends' car, you kept it all these years. Thomas couldn't help but smile. Maybe you loved him too? Not now, not after what he did.
The following days were a blur. Your head ached, and an unpleasant heaviness tightened your neck. They put you on a chain. Thomas or Luda would check on you from time to time, Luda would just leave food, and Thomas would just sit on the bed next to you and just look at you. Sometimes he would try to touch you, but you would instantly jump aside like a wounded animal. Thomas's heart ached painfully in his chest. Although.. He deserved it, didn't he? All his life he was looked at with disgust or fear. But he didn't care about those people. All these simple passers-by or victims were just empty meat. But you were afraid of him now. He couldn't stand your gaze, full of fear for your life, so he left the room every time, unable to look in your eyes.
The days slowly followed each other. You were still afraid. But there was something else. Whenever Thomas enters the room, your eyes involuntarily glided over his big strong body. You wanted to snuggle up to him, find comfort in his arms. But there was a part of you that knew it was wrong. They killed people, they killed your friends. They chained you up and kept you here like some kind of dog. And yet your body was begging for his warmth, just like when you were a child.
What was Thomas's surprise when the next time he came into the room, you crawled closer to him, asking for a hug. Your arms clumsily wrapped around his body. Thomas blushed instantly. His heart felt so good. He gently grabbed you by the hips, putting you on his lap, and hugging your fragile body with his strong arms. He buried his nose in your hair. How he missed that feeling. His brain was filled with the scent of your skin. Thomas let out a relieved whimper as you began to gently run your fingers through his tangled hair.
He never left you, he won't let you go into this cruel world again. He will protect you with all his heart. His sweet girl.
Brahms Heelshire
"Now I've won," the man says in a hoarse voice through his cracked porcelain mask with a doll's face.
He was breathing heavily, hanging over you, his left hand pressed against the wall behind you, while the other reached out to your face, gently stroking.
"Still beautiful," he whispers, caressing your chin with his thumb, tracing your lower lip with his fingernail. Your heart was pounding wildly, you shrank under the man's gaze like a frightened animal. His movements were rough, but his touch seemed almost gentle, as if he didn't want to disrupt this moment or harm your fragile being. His breathing was loud and heavy because of the mask, and the skin under his eyes was slightly reddened. And those eyes. Those warm eyes are the color of pure amber under the bright sun. They looked at you with extraordinary affection and humility. You could recognize those eyes out of a thousand. Like back then, fifteen years ago.
You nervously clutched the steering wheel rim with your right hand, counting the turns. Not so long ago, you managed to get a new job, and who would have thought that this job would be in your childhood home. Or rather, your friend. They always treated you like their own child, so they gave you this job without any problems.
The weather was clear, it was only the beginning of autumn. Some of the trees have already turned golden, their leaves rustling unobtrusively. The sky was clear, without a single cloud, so the sun shone brightly through the windshield of your car. It seemed that nothing could spoil your return to your childhood home.
Your heart was beating fast in your chest. The mind was filled with thousands of pleasant memories of your past together and children's laughter. You missed Brahms so much. It's been a long time since you've seen him.
Finally, after a couple of long hours, you arrived at the Hilsher estate. It remained the same. Obviously, Mr. Heelshire was still carefully tending the garden, growing his wife's favorite flowers. You stopped right next to the driveway, the wheels moving pleasantly on the gravel. After getting out of the car, you went inside without thinking twice. The greenery of this place has always been striking in its beauty, it seemed that no seasons had power over this place, the forests of the estate still gave pleasure with their emerald color and the coolness of the dense grove.
You were met at the very door by Mrs. Heelshire. She has changed a lot since your last visit, of course, the years take their toll. Her eyes were a little red and tired, and there were small bruises under them. Her face was unusually pale and her hair was gray, but not as when it happens from age, but when a person goes through a lot of life difficulties and faces stress.
"Honey, I haven't seen you for so long," the woman said smiling, wrapping you in a warm embrace. Her hugs were pleasant, but strangely nervous, "We were surprised when we received your candidacy for this job."
"I just really wanted to come back. My parents wouldn't let me go just like that."
"And for good reason," the woman mutters to herself, immediately turning to face you with a warm smile, "We always want only the best for you, my girl, don't hold a grudge against us."
Her words strain you a little, but you attribute it to her slight excitement before the long-awaited vacation. After all, for as long as you can remember, Mrs. Heelshire has always been a caring and hardworking woman, she didn't know the word 'rest'.
After ten tedious minutes, Mrs. Heelshire explains to you the set of rules and your responsibilities. It seemed like she was trying in a hurry to tell you everything at once. Her eyes were constantly darting around the walls of the house.
And now you're alone. Taking care of the doll was not so difficult. Although you still didn't understand why the doll had the name of your childhood best friend. No one's parents told you what happened to Brahms, you just moved in a couple of days before his birthday. You didn't even have time to give him the gift you made with your own hands. Years later, you felt guilty about it. But now, that feeling seemed to be gone. It feels like you're finally in your place. You're home.
It happened two weeks after your arrival at the manor. As usual, you were sorting out the groceries that Malcolm brought while the man was standing next to you, leaning against the doorjamb. He was watching you carefully, talking about something. To be honest, you've noticed for a long time how ambiguously he looks at you. All those jokes, compliments, touches and glances. He was flirting with you. But you could definitely tell that he wasn't your type. Damn it, he was overconfident. But in a relationship, you wanted to 'be at the helm', you wanted a guy with character, but definitely obedient. And Malcolm definitely didn't fit that description.
"..hey, can you leave this doll after all? Let's go to my place. I'll show you a lot of interesting things," he says with a sly grin, taking a few steps closer.
"The Heelshirs left me here for a reason, I don't want to undermine their trust."
"Come on, do you really want to spend the rest of your life in a house with just this doll?" The guy purrs, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his nose in your neck. You are annoyed by his behavior and you step on Malcolm's foot with force. He hisses and quickly pulls away. "Fuck, are you stupid?"
"Watch your mouth, boy."
Malcolm tenses up. He hears rapid rustling in the walls, his eyes darting around the room.
"The hell with you," he finally gives up. Malcolm grabs the empty boxes and leaves the house, slamming the door behind him. You're relieved. He seems to be a man, but he behaves like a scared boy.
"Y/N.. Did he hurt you?" A small child's voice comes from somewhere in the hallway. You flinch a little. You knew that voice. Brahms. True, his voice was a little different in childhood, now it was quieter and plaintive. You quickly close the refrigerator and slowly walk towards the source of the sound.
"Who's here? Brahms?"
It all happened too fast. At first, you were driven by interest with a little bit of fear. In an instant, you saw a tall, broad figure towering over you by a good two heads. You were scared. You ran away, hoping to hide from a stranger. And one day you were pinned against the wall by a muscular figure.
"Y/N, don't be afraid... I didn't mean to scare you." A child's voice mumbles plaintively. You look into those hazel eyes and your heart sinks.
"Brahms?" In response, the man only reaches out to your face, gently caressing your cheek.
"Now I've won." His voice changes. Instead of a child's voice, a low, hoarse voice now caresses your ears. You feel electricity running down your spine, you instinctively squeeze your hips.
Your hands reach for the porcelain mask, but Brahms abruptly pulls away. He shakes his head negatively. He didn't want you to see his face. He doesn't want you to be scared. He doesn't want you to leave him like the others.
"Come on, Brahms. You're a good boy. Didn't you love kissing?" You speak with a slight smile. A long-drawn-out whine comes from under the mask. He nods briefly. You lift the edge of the mask, covering his hot lips with your own. Brahms's movements are fast and assertive, he bites your lips, squeezing your waist in his hands. He missed you so much.
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Sober (Pt. 2) | Sanji x Reader
Fandom: One Piece
Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x GN! Reader
Word Count: 1.8k
Genre/Tags: Angst, Happy Ending, Sanji being dumb
Summary: You had waited for Sanji to confess to you when he was sober. Except...
A/n: I don't usually write sequels but I felt like it and then it became unexpectedly angsty?? It's still a pretty happy ending imo, so I hope you like this continuation âĄ
To new readers, this is a part 2 to my oneshot that I've linked below. You could read this one without reading that, but it won't make as much sense.
Part 1
also available on ao3!
He didn't do it.
The morning after, Sanji woke up with a terrible headache and vague hazy memories from the night before. It was only when he was serving breakfast to everyone and saw you that he remembered the⊠conversation you two had had. But then he dismissed it, realising it was only a dream. He had drank too much, fallen asleep and dreamt of you. Yeah, that must have been it.
Thinking so, he smiled at you as usual and mooned over Nami and Robin as always, not noticing your hopeful smile turn into a disappointed one.
Every time you popped into the kitchen or tried to strike up a conversation with Sanji after that, the dream would pop up in his mind and he ended up stammering his way out. A few days in, you realised he was avoiding you and started reciprocating by not going out of your way to talk to him either.
Sanji missed you. He didn't realise what the problem was because he wasn't being that weird. Okay, so maybe he was too flustered from his dream where you had held him so close and he had kissed you (he could still feel the phantom warmth of your breath on his mouth, the wet press of your lips on his cheek) and it was difficult to talk to you about anything without feeling the urge to do that with you. Maybe he had shut down one conversation too many but now you were avoiding him back and he didn't know how to fix it.
He couldn't just tell you about that dream he had had. You would slap him and be disgusted and freak out. Even the thought of that sunk his heart. He could tolerate being just a crewmate to you for the rest of your lives, but he couldn't tolerate the thought of you hating him forever. But without talking about the dream, he couldn't explain himself either.
A week passed like that, the two of you awkward and clumsy around each other. Everyone else noticed and Nami had tried to talk to both you and Sanji about it but neither of you let her know anything. They were all confused and Luffy just wanted you both to go back to being your usual selves because it was weird even for him. Of course, no one had the gall to say it to your faces, and Nami had stopped Luffy from saying it when he tried.
Fortunately, a new island appeared and the usual straw hat cycle of finding a city in trouble and accidentally saving them played its hand. The resulting party had you downing a few bottles of wine, although Sanji knew how much you hated the taste of alcohol.
"Why would I drink that?" Your face had scrunched up the first time Sanji had questioned you about it. "It doesn't taste good to me at all. I'd rather drink the juice you make for me, Sanji."
There was no one on the ship who praised Sanji's cooking as much as you did. You didn't hesitate to compliment his food every single day and while Sanji was very secure in his cooking ability, it was still validating to hear how much you loved his food anyway.
This past week you hadn't complimented him even once. You had never gone this long without doing it so Sanji knew you had to be really upset with him. He had to try and fix this as soon as he could.
Even during the party, his head was full of thoughts of you. When he looked out for you, he found you slumped over a table, empty wine bottles lying all around you. Without thinking, Sanji made his way over and cleared away the bottles so that you wouldn't accidentally break one and hurt yourself. You stayed silent as you watched him.
"Do you want to go back to the Sunny, my dear?" Sanji looked at you finally, trying to exude his usual self. You shot him a glare and pouted, your cheeks puffing up in what was unmistakably anger.
"Go away," you hissed at him. Sanji had to blink away the thought of how much you resembled a cat in that moment. "I don' like lyin' liars who lie to me."
Sanji had expected you to be angry at him but that statement confused him. He had avoided you, yes, but he could not remember lying to you. You were not one to lie so perhaps there had been a misunderstanding between you two?
"Which lie are you talking about, (y/n)-chan?" He asked carefully. You froze and shot him another glare. Even angry, you looked cute.
"Which lie?" You sounded outraged. "How many lies have you told me, huh?!"
"Whâ that's not what I meant!" Sanji tried to calm you down but you stood up abruptly and started walking back to the Sunny. The chef was stunned for a second. You never just up and leave. He had really badly fucked this up. So of course he had to run after you. Sanji caught up to you halfway, skidding to a halt in your path so you couldn't move. "Wait! I really don't know what lie you're talking about, my love, but I'm sorry for it. I will do whatever it takes to beg for your forgiveness and then try my best to make the lie a reality."
You stopped glaring and shot him a heartbroken look instead. Sanji felt like someone had stabbed him in the heart. Why did you look like that over⊠him?
"That's what it was supposed to be," you said quietly. The two of you were quite a way away from the din of the party so Sanji could make out the words. He was getting more confused but he had to be patient and hear you out. He couldn't fix his mistake if he didn't know what he had done. "You said that if this was real⊠you wanted to hold me. You said you would tell me how much I mean to you. That you would kiss me and tell me how much you love me. So why haven't you, Sanji? Do you not feel those things anymore? Or was it all a lie?"
Sanji froze. That was⊠that was the dream he had had! How did you knowâ Oh. Oh he had been so stupid. It hadn't been a dream at all. It had been real. And he had fucked it all up by avoiding you after all of that.
"Maybe I was the one who was an idiot for thinking you could possibly like me," you were crying now, tears running down your cheeks. Sanji's heart hurt at the sight; he had wanted to be the reason for your smile and laughter, not for your tears. He had hurt you, the person most precious to him. You suddenly grabbed his collar and pushed him into the tree and he just let you, mind too jumbled up to say anything. "I'm a fool. God, I was so stupidly happy that night, I couldn't sleep. I thought all my dreams had come true. I thought we would be in love. I thought I could finally wake you up with a kiss and tell you how much I loved you too before we fell asleep. I thought I would make you your favourite dish for your birthday and, and go do one of those love compatibility readings at the fortune telling shop for fun! I thought, I thought of so many things I wanted to do with you and you⊠Sanji, you never came. You never told me those words you had said when you were drunk."
He wanted all of that too. Sanji wanted to do all those things you had said and even more.
Your tightened fists loosened as you breathed heavily, still crying. Even like this, you were still the most beautiful person he had ever seen. If Sanji had had any doubts before this, then they had no place in his heart any longer. All of him, mind, body and soul, was yours. He could not let you go on with this misunderstanding any longer.
"Guess they were wrong," you chuckled wetly, stepping back. "A drunk man's words aren't his truest thoughts after all. They are just hisâ"
"They are," Sanji said roughly, stepping back into your bubble. You didn't look up at him, just stared down at your feet, still crying silently. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry for taking all this time, my love, when you deserved to be told everyday that I'm but a fool for your attention. I was in the wrong, thinking that night had been a mere dream when my imagination cannot even begin to dream up the warmth you possess. I'm sorry and I will spend the rest of my life earning your forgiveness, if only you would find it within yourself to give me one more chance."
Your eyes looked hopeless, and you just smiled weakly at him.
"Hasn't it been enough, Sanji?" Your voice wavered. "Don't play with my heart anymore. I love you too much to survive anotherâ"
Sanji pulled you into a tight hug, his arms surrounding you completely. Although you were still mad at him, your body automatically relaxed at the familiar comforting scent of him. "I don't have the words to even begin to apologise for what I have done. But I swear to you, love, I will make up for my mistake in every action from now on. I will leave no doubt in your mind of the fact that I'm madly, stupidly, disgustingly deeply in love with you. So much that my own heart isn't enough to hold all that love."
"You're like a dream, Sanji," you said quietly into his ear, heart racing yet mind calm. "A dream that you can't quite remember when morning comes. A dream that the more you try to grasp it, the more it slips from you. But even if you're a dream like that, I want to believe in that dream. I'm stupid enough to want to get my heart hurt again because it has chosen you and refuses to choose any other. So you better show me that my heart made the right decision."
"I will," he promised, pressing you harder into him. You were clinging onto him just as hard, but your tears had finally stopped.
"I don't like lying liars who lie, Sanji," you repeated your words from before. The chef smiled to himself. "You better keep your word this time."
Sanji hummed and let you go only to cup your cheeks in the palm of his hands. You looked at him, still a mess from crying and drinking. You were starting to look sleepy but Sanji felt like you had blown all his sleep away.
"When I'm sober," you paused to give a tiny yawn that had Sanji's heart clenching from how adorable it was, "you better be next to me."
Sanji smiled and picked you up bridal style. You curled into him and fell asleep in two seconds, barely catching his soft reply.
"I'll be there."
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