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kirishimasbabygirl · 1 year

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The Ring

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A/N: Hey Guys!!!! Sorry this is so late, I've been super sick since Christmas and i just now been able to finish this.

Here's Pt.1

TW. Yelling, Swearing, and my usual angst

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As you walk towards his office, your heels softly click on the tile floor. You'd have to be deaf and blind not to see or hear what people are saying, the office goers whispering behind folders and sharing knowing glances. The news of your partner's affair broke that same morning he came in; he thought he was so fucking brilliant, had everything planned out, and how he was going to get away with it. Well, little did he fucking know that the paparazzi were following their every damn move. The paparazzi took pictures of them at that club, him driving her hold, her pulling him into her house, him grinning the whole time, him leaving early that morning. His PR team is scrambling, begging you not to speak to news outlets and gossip blogs, reaching out to you once they have a script.

You glance at his secretary, who gives you a pitiful smile before nodding for you to go in. You push open the frosted glass door, finding his office lights out, blinds closed, the office phone off the hook, his face on his desk, shoulders shaking. "Bakugo?" you gently brush your knuckles on the door frame; he doesn't pick his head up. "I told you extras not to fucking bother me." You shut the door quietly behind you and sat on the leather chair in front of his desk. "I thought you might've wanted to talk about what you did, " you spoke softly, bearly over a whisper.

His head shoots up at a neck break speed, startling you; he breathes your name as he scrambles out of his seat and rounds his desk. "Oh!" is all you can say as he throws himself at your feet in a deep bow, forehead pressed to the floor. "I'm sorry, I'm so so so so sorry," he mumbles, his fingernails digging into the carpet under him. 'Now what?' you thought to yourself; you would come in here, degrade him, demand an explanation, then dump him, but seeing him like this? Groveling at your feet, it broke your heart even more.

"Bakugo," you spoke, reaching down to touch his shoulder "NO!" He looks up at you, eyes bloodshot from heavy crying, still full of tears, face red and blotchy, and swollen lips "Please don't call me that, please!" You pause for a moment, considering it, before caressing a hand on his face. "Bakugo." "Oh god, no, please!" He sobs, pressing his face into your hand, scared you might pull it away. "We need to talk."

He nods slowly, sitting up on his knees; he wipes his face with the back of his hand before shakingly standing up. "Yeah…yeah, we do" He leans on his desk for support. The two of you sat silently, unsure of what to say. "I feel -" "I know that-" You both stop and stare at each other; you throw your hand over your mouth as you begin to laugh, and he smiles and chuckles himself. "God, I'm still bad at this." "You've always been bad at this." Your laughter slowly subsides as the reality of your situation dawns on the two of you again. Right.

"I…" He starts, eyes refusing to look at you as he plays with his hands, tracing the scars. "I think- I know," He corrects himself "That we…Can move on from this." "Move on?" You question, folding your arms across your chest and leaning back in the chair. "Move on how?" "I mean," he clears his throat. "I mean, I want us to do whatever we can do to stay together."

You throw one leg over the other, tilting your head to the side, sneering at him. "And how would we do that?" He pushes himself off the desk, falling to his knees in front of you, grabbing your hands. "I would do anything. Therapy, I'll do it, I was stupid, and I have no excuse for what I did." His voice cracks as his red eyes well up with tears "I-I want to wake up next to you every morning without any regrets; I want to hold you without any reservations, I…" He pauses, lips quivering "I bought a ring two months ago." You snatch your hands away from him, wide-eyed "What?"

He stands, moving behind his desk, opening the middle drawer, and pulling out a small velvet box, pushing it across the desk towards you. You look at him, then the box, then back at him, silently asking him if this was some sick joke. "My…My mom went with me to pick it out; the two of you were the same ring size, so…" He trails off. You reach for it; the fabric tickles your fingertips as you open it. You gasped; it was a beautiful golden ring wrapped around a blue sapphire and a red ruby. "I remember how you'd compare us to that stupid gem show you watched back in high school."

Your heart tumps against your chest. Why? Why now? After all these years, why did it take him putting his deck in someone else to make him decide? Tears stream down your face; you slam the box shut and chuck it at his chest.

"How DARE you?!" he fumbles to catch the box, and you scream at him. "It took you fucking someone else to want to marry me!?" His eyes widen as he clutches it to his chest. "No! No, no, no, no, no, I - no, That's not what I'm trying to do!" He rakes his hand through his hair. "I-I'm trying to say that I love you! And I fucked up. I fucked up, baby, But I want to fix it." He looks at you with pleading eyes "You don't have to forgive me, but please, let me try to fix it."

You sat there quietly, going over your options in your head. "Therapy." You finally spoke; you wiped your eyes with the back of your sleeve. "Therapy, we'll see if we can make this work." He grins. "I will." You nod. "I'll see you at home."

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Tag List: @samkysnks

#Cheater!Bakugo #bnha #mha x reader #bakugo x reader #bakugou x reader #bakugou katsuki x reader #bnha x reader #Cheater!Katsuki #kay writes #x reader angst #katsuki bakugo angst

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fiorella-a · 10 months

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Honkai Star Rail girls as... "Jenny" song lyrics!

(+Short scenarios)

Info:

-Gn! Reader

-Fluff

Kafka:

"you're my best friend

But there's a few things that you don't know of

Why I borrow your lipstick so often"

"I've been doing bad things that you don't know about"

"I cannot pretend

Why I never like your new boyfriends"

>> Kafka knows you like her. The way you avoided eye contact is all she needed to know before getting her plan started, what was her plan? To give you mixed signals and to see how long your patience will last (don't worry, she likes you too, she just doesn't wanna be the one to confess).

First up is to ask you what shade of lipstick fits her and after giving your opinion, she kisses the nape of your neck!

Next, Kafka requested to Elio for blade to be her companion, all they do is fight and tease each other and Blade doesn't know what the hell is up with her requesting them to be together for a mission. Kafka will try to hide the fact that she feels sorry for you! The way your eyes filled with shock when Blade and her were announced to be partners for mission, shock isn't the only thing you're feeling though, also jealousy.

As soon as she gets back from the mission, you practically confess your heart out while avoiding her gaze, "It might seem stupid and I know this isn't supposed to happen but I like you, really I do." "Aw, I like you too! All you needed is two push of a button to confess? How adorable!" Oh boy, how you wish you could wipe that teasing smile off of her face.

Serval:

"Jenny, take my hand

'Cause we are more than friends

I will follow you until the end"

>> You have always looked up to Serval, she is the woman of every possibilities! She has multiple talents, a good reputation and a brother who's well known around belebog. While you're mostly in your comfort zone and that's why she likes you. Serval once offered her hands to you and showed you around Belebog and was nice enough to introduce you to her brother while her cheeks was painted a rosy-pink color, she just said "me? Blushing? No! I'm just exhausted from our little tour. How about I treat you some snacks, yeah?" And she smiled at you. You swore to follow her path as she was your role-model (and crush)

Seele:

"I wanna ruin our friendship

We should be lovers instead

I don't know how to say this

'Cause you're really my dearest friend"

>> You had a hard time trying to confess to her, knowing Seele, she's almost always busy protecting the underworld and its people. How were you able to confess? You might ask, well when you almost got attacked by a competitive and bad mannered miner– she grabbed your hands, put you behind her while she had her left hand guarding you and her right hand pointing the weapon at the said attacker. When all was finished, your confession became your way of saying 'thank you' and her confessing back was her way of saying 'you're welcome'

Silver Wolf:

"Stealing your stuff now and then

Nothing you'd miss, but it means the world to me"

>> When she noticed one of her button pins missing from her jacket, she just dismissed it thinking it probably fell when it was in the laundry, but once she sees your bag that suddenly has a button pin that looks just like hers, she thinks otherwise 'why would they do that?' And when she ranted about it to Kafka, you bet she was teasing you but she did help you make your feelings more visible to Silver Wolf. And boy did it pay off! Because just as you were about to take a nap, you got a message from your phone;

"Give me back my button pin."

"I bought matching ones for us though."

"No need to confess, scaredy cat, I already know."

Stelle:

"I'm using your shirt as a pillow case"

>> Stelle has the same white shirt with multiple copies of it, because she says "it fits me more and is elegant yet simple to look at" and when she comes into your room while you're in the bathroom, she sees one of her shirts serving as a... Pillow case?

When you came out of the bathroom you WISH you could go right back but she's so strong and literally holds the door open while she makes you explain. "Isn't it elegant to look at? And besides, it's not the shirt you used while going in a trashcan." Her grip would loosen at the bathroom door, "and if you don't get the thing yet, I like you, Stelle." and her grip is finally out, letting go of the door while a thud follows. Did she faint while blushing? Oh gosh.

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demetris-cocksleeve · 6 months

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Hello!! I'm fairly new to the twilight fandom and your blog is one of the bests i've ever seen so far! So, if you're comfortable/not buzy, could you please do the volturi kings (separated or poly, both are fine!!) reacting to the reader being a goth, i imagined since they're ancient beings, the goths that invaded the Roman Empire would be the first thing coming to mind lol

Once again, your blog is definitely a favorite now, so i might just give myself a name for future requests, i think 🦇 would be fine if no one's using it :)

Have a good morning, afternoon or/and evening!

-🦇

(A/n: Stawppppp you're makin me blushhh🙈 I definitely recommend @kiiwiigii (her kinktober is 🥵 and her fluff fics will literally rot your teeth) and (she doesn't write often, but she has an AMAZING NSFW mini series called Uses of a Secretarial Desk👀:) @alecvolturi)

(A/n: I went with headcanons. I hope that's okay with you!)

(A/n: Also- It's a bit difficult for me to write the kings since I personally don't vibe w/ em, so I hope you like it😭😅)

Word Count: -

Summary: Request above

Warnings: None

Age Rating: None

Volturi Kings x Gothic! GN! Reader

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General:

Firstly, the Volturi are known art lovers so while the Visigoth sacking Rome might be what the word is acquitted to off the top of their heads, they would probably attune it moreso to the gothic art style of the mid 12th - 16th centuries

This being said, gothic makeup is VASTLY different from the painted arches and quatrelobes of the art period

You'll definitely have some explaining to do

You'll have to excuse them. They're not invested in human fads and expressionistic styles

Now on to the individual reactions/thoughts:

Aro:

He definitely finds your style interesting

Not in a judgmental aunt "interesting...😒" but an intrigued interest

He likes to watch you do your makeup, letting out the occasional amused "hm" when you do something unconventional with your look (grey contour, painting your neck black, extreme eyeliner, thin angled brows, etc.)

As for the music?

Doesn't really get it but at the same time does? Idk how to explain my thought process

He basically vibes with the lyrics and meaning but sometimes the instrumentals are hit or miss

He really enjoys the instrumentals that are more spooky/calm to the ones that go harder

Overall, if you're happy, who's he to say anything?

Caius:

Do you want fanon or accurate?😅

Fanon:

He might give you a strange look or cock an eyebrow when you go all out with your look but he silently appreciates how much effort it takes to perfect it

If he doesn't like the song playing, he'll either grab your phone and skip it or just leave the room

Canon:

This man is throwing shade left, right, and center lol

It /is/ all in good fun though

He's a bitch, you knew that from your first meeting

"Are you sure that's how you want to go out today?"

"Interesting attire, dear... *side eye*"

He doesnt hate it, don't get him wrong

He just finds it... odd

Out of all the kings, he's probably the most art geek of them all and is stuck on the name of your style

"Goth? That is not gothic, pet... *cue middle ages art speech*"

Openly criticizes the music

Either bans it from being played around him or loudly complains about it

Marcus:

Is the most vocal about your appearance

Constantly praising how you look that day

He got a second chance at his life partner. He's gonna be damned if he doesn't appreciate everything about you even down to the barely-different-who-is-he-kidding-they're-the-same-as-the-ones-you-already-own shoes that you just bought and are excited about

It's not even him lying either

He GENUINELY loves your look, simoyl for the fact that 1) he has seen you get ready... that takes skill and 2) you clearly enjoy the style and seeing you confident and secure in yourself is enough for him

He can take or leave the music, but he will keep that to himself until he dies (get it? Bc he's immortal?)

#volturi kings #aro volturi x reader #caius volturi x reader #marcus volturi x reader #aro volturi #caius volturi #marcus volturi

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glorious-spoon · 1 year

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Second-Guessing [9-1-1 | Buck/Eddie | 1/1]

Rating: Teen Wordcount: ~1000 Warnings: None Other Tags: Pre-relationship, Emotional hurt/comfort, Friendship, Episode tag - 6x13 Mixed Feelings

“Do you think I’m bad at sex?”

Eddie barks out a startled laugh at his ceiling, then straightens up. This is not, unfortunately, the weirdest way Buck has ever opened a phone call with him, but it’s definitely up there. “What?”

“That call the other day, you know, the lady with the vibrator—”

“Jesus Christ.”

“Eddie,” Buck whines. “This is important!”

“Is it, really?”

“Eighty percent. He said that the article said eighty percent of people report being unsatisfied. Do you know how many women I’ve slept with? Eighty percent of that is, like, a lot. Okay? And I was doing some research—on a first time hookup, did you know that only forty percent of women even have an orgasm at all? So if I do the math on that—”

“Buck.”

Buck lets out a deep sigh that crackles down the phone line. “I’m being an idiot about this, aren’t I?”

“Nah. Well, I mean, kinda. But it’s okay.”

“Is it, though? Like—” there’s a rustle on the other end of the line. It’s easy to imagine Buck right now, flopped out across his bed because the couch his parents bought him is a bona fide torture device. In his sweatpants, probably, his hair still damp from the shower. He lets out another sigh, then says, “You know, Bobby was saying—when I was with Taylor, Bobby said that the problem was that I never talk to my partners, that I don’t know how to communicate, and that’s why my relationships always turn into catastrophes.”

“I don’t think that’s quite what he was saying. And Taylor—”

“I know. You hate her guts.”

Eddie snorts. “I was gonna say that it’s different, in a long term relationship.”

“Right, but. I haven’t historically had a lot of success with those.”

“Relationships don’t work out sometimes. A lot of the time.”

There’s silence for a moment. It’s not just Taylor hanging over the conversation now; Ana is there too. And Shannon.

Sex with Ana was always stilted, awkward in a way that he told himself at the time was just the newness of it all. Just a new person, a new body to learn, just Eddie being rusty when it came to literally any form of physical intimacy. He and Shannon were each other's firsts, so of course neither of them knew what they were doing to start with, and what they learned they learned together. By the end of it, sex was the only part of their relationship that actually worked. Beyond that—

He doesn’t really have a lot of perspective to offer Buck, is the thing. Even setting aside the fact that he’s not sure he can give an objective analysis of the sexual history of the guy he’s in love with.

So there’s that.

“It’s just…” Buck sounds quieter now, almost miserable, and it tugs at Eddie's heartstrings despite the absurdity of this whole conversation. “That was like. The one thing I knew I was good at. You know? Everything else, sure, my life was a mess, I made a lot of dumb choices and messed up a lot of relationships and got myself fired, and—but at least I knew how to, you know, make somebody feel good. Except maybe I didn’t after all. And if I wasn’t even any good at that, then—”

“Buck,” Eddie interrupts again. Gently, this time. He firmly squashes the unhelpful little voice in the back of his head that wants to ask for a hands-on demonstration. Buck sounds freaked out enough that he might actually take Eddie up on it, and Eddie is… really not ready to cope with that possibility. “You’re spiraling.”

Another silence. Then: “I called them. Some of them.”

Good grief. “Your hookups?”

“Yeah—is that a disrespectful way to talk about them? I mean—anyway, yeah. The ones I still have phone numbers for, I called them. Most of them didn’t want to talk to me.”

“Shocking,” Eddie deadpans.

Buck laughs, which is what he was going for. “Shut up.”

“So? What was the verdict?”

He regrets asking the moment the words are out of his mouth, but he doesn't take it back.

“Uh,” Buck says, still laughing a little. “Of the ones I actually got a hold of? Yes, yes, probably, no, who the hell are you, I thought I blocked your number, yes, no, I don't remember, yes.”

“More yeses than nos,” Eddie offers.

“Unless they were lying to make me feel better,” Buck counters triumphantly.

“Buck. If someone called you up out of the blue after years of radio silence to ask if you had an orgasm when you slept together, would you lie about it to spare their feelings?”

Buck is quiet for a minute. “Yeah, okay, that was kind of an insane thing to do, huh.”

“A little. Yeah.”

He can hear the fondness in his own voice and is helpless to mute it. Though he's honestly not really trying that hard. Buck deserves to know that he's loved, even when he's being ridiculous. Maybe especially then.

“I just worry. You know, that all the shit I thought I knew about myself—that maybe it’s not really true after all. And if that’s the case then who the hell am I, anyway?”

“Feels like this maybe isn’t actually about whether or not you’re good in bed,” Eddie offers, and bites his teeth on anything else he could say about that. About finding out that maybe the person you thought you were was just a carefully painted mask over the messy, tender reality underneath. He could offer Buck some truth of his own, but he doesn’t. It doesn’t feel like the right time for it.

That, or he’s a coward. He’s working on it, though.

“Maybe not. I guess. Eddie, I…” Buck trails off.

“What?” Eddie asks, when a few moments of silence have passed.

“Nothing,” Buck says. He laughs quietly; Eddie can conjure up the shape of his smile and the crinkles at the corners of his eyes as easily as breathing. “Just. Thanks for taking my call.”

“Of course. Always.”

For a little while, they just breathe together across the miles between them as night falls gently over Los Angeles. Then Buck says softly, “Come over tomorrow?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says back, just as soft. There’s nothing new about the invitation, but it feels new, somehow, anyway. Either way, the answer is the same as it’s always been. “Yeah, okay.”

#911 fic #buddie #buddie fic #evan buckley #eddie diaz #my fic

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aajjks · 6 months

Note

⚠️⚠️⚠️

TPOL!JK

“it’s uh” you take a deep breath “it’s nothing. i think i’m just” you’re trying to think of a lie to steer jungkook the other way because he looks really concerned and you’re really scared. you want to cry and scream that you might be pregnant but the color from his face vanishes anytime you bring it up so “i think i’m just anxious about what my mom said. y’know? giving her grandkids and stuff but we can wait” you say trying to sound honest and jungkook caresses your face to tells you again that he really doesn’t want kids that if you want to see your mom, you can. “let me go put my stuff up, okay? i’ll be right back” you give him a kiss and his cheek and head to the shared bedroom where you lock yourself in the bathroom and take out all five pregnancy tests. “please, God, let it be a dream”

when you finish doing the standard procedure for the test, you wait to see what the test reads and as your friend predicted.

“no…nonononononoooo” you cry to yourself all five tests showing two lines that indicate that you are indeed pregnant. “how?! i took the fucking” you gasp because you remember forgetting to buy morning after pills and now..

“oh my God” you say. you quickly grab your phone and call yerin to tell her the news and she tells you to calm down but how can you be calm when the person you’re with doesn’t want any kids?

“do you want to…abort it?” asks yerin and you’re quiet on the other line. if you do abort the baby, you’ll still be with jungkook and he won’t have to be a dad but if you don’t, he’ll probably break up with you and never talk to you again because how could you forget about buying the damned morning after pills?

“we can do it tomorrow but i can’t use his card for it. he-he’ll know” you tell yerin and she say okay before setting the appointment up.

jungkook calls out for you to check on you while you’re scrambling to clean up all of the evidence that shows what you’ve really been doing.

“sorry, sorry. my period just came on” you lie again and though jungkook is confused, he believes you and you both carry on the rest of the day.

the next day, you’re at a clinic with yerin who sticks by your side the whole time. when it’s over, you’re a crying fit in the car and yerin cries with you. she doesn’t agree with your decision but she’s your friend no matter what and loves you so of course she was right there to support you. even if it wasn’t for you benefit but rather your partner who knew nothing about what was happening.

he carried on like everything was okay and so did you for awhile. three weeks later, you’re sort of happy and you don’t say a word to jungkook about what happened until you conveniently asked jungkook to fetch something out of your bag to which he discovers a receipt with five paid for pregnancy tests. IN YOUR BAG.

you aren’t pregnant are you? i mean…this receipt is clearly months old but why the hell would you buy five of them if you weren’t pregnant?

“let’s try for a baby” unless you were already pregnant?

“hey what’s taking you so long?” you say with a smile but your smile immediately goes away when you see the receipt in his hands. “i…i can explain jungkook i swear! it-it’s old! you don’t even have to worry about it because i fixed it so just..don’t worry about it”

pregnancy tests.

You bought pregnancy tests. And so much time ago. He’s just getting know about it now. And suddenly everything makes sense.

He tilts his head to look at you and the fear in your eyes confirms his suspicions, but what shocks him the most most is when you blurt out that you’ve fixed it.

He stalks towards you, his heartbeat dropping, “what do you mean?” He asks you calmly. The receipt clenched tightly in his hands. “Y-You were pregnant?” He chokes out.

This has to be a misunderstanding, he hopes that whatever he’s thinking is not true, how could you not tell him directly? And what do you mean by you fixed it?

“W-What did you fix yn??? Tell me.” He is standing right infront of you, eyes scared and he’s so close to crying. You didn’t even tell him anything.

“I swear to God yn tell me everything right now.” He barely manages to get the words out. “P-Please.”

#ask: tpol!jungkook #oh oh… :(

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thedeviljudges · 9 months

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my fav jisung watches, answering @stars-after-dark since i know i'll get hit by character limit. based off my list of what shows of his i've seen here.

new heart is absolutely a must. jisung is so baby-faced, but i actually really, really loved the show a lot that i bought it on dvd. he also co-stars with kim minjung, so it's so wild to see them young in contrast to the devil judge. they play their characters so well, that you don't get caught up on the fact that it's the same people.

kim soo ro - i mention this not bc i think it's great by any means. it's entertaining, frustrating plot-wise, but if you do want eye-candy, this is it. i'm literally not even sorry about that.

ps partner/watcha wearin is SO GOOD. like it's so good, but i think it freaks ppl out bc it's a a romcom about a dude who accidentally has phone sex with a woman. so there's a few sex scenes in it, but i think it lends itself well to the plot of the story rather than being there out of unnecessary reasons. i also love a good romcom, especially those with unique plots. this is one of them.

kill me, heal me. it's a bit corny in places, but i do think the heart of the story and the different characters you mean are so incredibly lovely. jisung's character has DID, and you can't help but love each of his identities. perry park has such a soft spot on me. (he also brings out perry's voice as an easter egg in the devil judge!!)

the vampire lives next door to us is a short film. it's on youtube, so a very easy watch and a very interest ending that pulls on the heartstrings. it seems silly at first, but there's meaning behind it.

entertainer is what you'd wanna watch if you just want to see a pretty jisung, lmao. that and his group of baby boys. it's actually pretty good, though i will say the one aspect i didn't like is the one chick meant to be the love interest is very minor-coded (seems helpless, innocent), so that's a bit uh odd. but i'd say still watch it bc the rest of the plot is good.

(everyone says watch defendant, but i think it dragged on too long and wasn't as good. it's his most well-known role, i believe. up to you to see it. it's not a bad watch, just so-so for me).

familiar wife and doctor john kinda live on the same level for me. i don't love them, but i don't hate them. i have a very big pet peeve with familiar wife that i've talked about before on here, but i'd only be able to share if you've see it bc it'd ruin the whole plot. jisung is very good at humor though! doctor john is good/interesting. i do feel like they wrapped up the ending in one ep.

adamas is...... how to explain this one. i love the twins (my icon is one of em). they are my loves, nearly on par with kang yohan. i think the issue with this show is that you feel like it's leading you into a very big plot or big reveal, and it doesn't really do that? it's shrouded in mystery, and it's so hard to explain. i still think it's interesting enough to watch, esp maybe on a rewatch (as i want to do) bc i feel like there might be things that get missed with the storytelling. the ending is 😭 so be prepared. it's a bit slower paced storytelling, so it may be really hard to sit and watch, esp the first few eps. but if anything, get through it for the twins!!!!!! i love them!!!!!!!

#x #jisung #ji sung

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wisteria-lodge · 1 year

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burnt lion primary (modeling bird with badger system) + lion secondary (heavy badger model) (fun bird model)

Attempting to write this on my phone as my laptop charger is broken and the replacement doesn’t arrive until tomorrow. I could just wait but I’m impatient and ADHD and I want to do this now. Anyways, I’ve been thinking of myself as a bird primary / snake model for a bit, but today I realized I might be badger, with a wide definition of “group,” and possibly a bird model? I’m sort of lost on secondary, though.

With this opening, I’m kind of thinking an In-the-Moment secondary rather than a Prep-work secondary.

Today I bought a homeless woman some food and sat down with her and gave her my number when she asked. My partner pointed out to me that this was incredibly unsafe. I blocked her but I feel so horribly guilty about it as I told her I’d go see her again in 2 days. Everyone is telling me that I need to prioritize my own safety, and I suppose logically I know that, but it doesn’t stop me from crying. I think I might live with this guilt for the rest of my life- and when I had that thought, it hit me that I could be a badger.

Hmm. There’s a lot to unpack here. I mean breaking a promise just feels shitty on a human level, and my instinct tells me there’s probably some third option - take someone with you when you go maybe. But it’s also totally possible there’s not. That’s not what I’m speculating on here.

In terms of this system, you helped someone out in what sounds like a totally unplanned, spur-of-the-moment kind of thing (which makes me think lion or snake, and I’m leaning lion because the honest directness of handing out your phone number.)

Then, your partner and “everyone” tells you that you went too far, and you go along with them, but feel really REALLY guilty. This tells me that either a) you’re not a Badger primary, and are in all likelihood probably a Lion, or b) you are a (universal) Badger primary in a community that defines “person” more narrowly than you do.

I thought I was able to adapt to new morals based on logic and incorporate them into my system, but it’s always based on what is just and fair for the group- other people.

Could still be Badger, or a Badger-flavored Paragon Lion.

I have a very hard time being able to do things for myself, even basic hygiene, which I know is just a mental illness thing and not necessarily a placement. But the relevant bit here is that it becomes ridiculously easy in comparison when I’m doing it for other people

You’re starting to sound like an Exploded Badger primary, who exists to help the group, and has a very hard time seeing themselves as valuable and worthwhile outside of the context of the group.

including (and tbh mostly) animals, who are ABSOLUTELY people. And I realized that it’s similar to how I feel towards the disenfranchised. Even that feels icky to say, I feel like I’m equating the homeless to animals??

It’s fine to say that animals and disenfranchised people are both groups that you feel strongly about. You keep coming back to doubting your instincts in an anxious way that makes me think semi-Burned Lion, rather than Bird. And even the slightly disconnected causes are pointing me in a Lion direction.

And that goes against my morals, the underprivileged are humans who deserve to be treated as such and often aren’t because rich people are fucking assholes. I feel very, very strongly about helping those in need

Yeah, I can really, really see that. In a way that truly makes me wonder why Lion was the one primary you didn’t consider for yourself.

and those who depend on me.

It’s possibly you might have some loyalist primary model going on. But I don’t think you’re a loyalist.

I am too naive and trusting when it comes to this particular subject, and cynical in almost everything else. This is also why I am strongly against the idea of personally having children. I do not trust myself to do it correctly.

“I do not trust myself” “I am too naive” “I am too cynical” “that feels icky” “I’ve been told logically that I’m wrong but I’m still crying.”

I don’t know what to tell you. You have strong feelings, a lot of them, but do not trust them (are told you can’t tust them.) You’re a Burnt Lion. You’ve probably latched to someone (probably your group or specifically your partner) as an external morality, which is a total Burnt Lion thing. This - ow, it hurts to read. These things you think about yourself, I see no evidence at all that they’re true.

If i am a badger primary, the 1% do not fit into my definition of “people,” though I know logically they are.

Again “logically” makes an appearance. “Logically I should feel this… but I don’t.”

I do not wish violence against anyone as I feel it is morally wrong, but I also wouldn’t be upset of any of them croaked.

This is much more a lion’s “I don’ t feel anything about them” and less a Badger’s “they’re monsters.” The word you used was “assholes” and that’s honestly very humanizing.

I feel like my sense of logic and emotion are at odds sometimes. I often think that things I feel are “wrong” or “unfair” or “unjustified”

burnt, burnt, burnt, burnt

even though years of therapy have told me that’s not true.

Oh good. I’m glad you’ve got somebody to talk to. Good for you.

I feel like my bird and badger tendencies are so wrapped up in each other it gets hard to differentiate.

You’re a Burnt Lion (who often look like stressed out Birds) in a very Badger (probably Exploded Badger) community.

But, more relevant, I often feel like my negative emotions towards other people are unfair and horrible and wrong.

You’re allowed to have negative emotions! They keep you safe! This is true for everyone, but especially true for a Lion primary.

At my core I value others more than myself. It has been a challenge to work through this, and the only motivation I have is that other people get upset when I constantly talk about how guilty I feel for having emotions.

Somebody did a number on you. At this point you couldn’t be more textbook Burnt Lion if you *tried.*

This leads me into possibly a bit of snakiness?

I have no idea where you’re getting Snake. I mean, Snake would be good for you. A Snake model would help you immensely.

“Exploded snake” greatly resonates with me, but this is due to my trauma and BPD. I often have A Person that all of this “I cannot do things for myself but I will do everything for other people” is very concentrated towards. But again this is a mental illness thing so I see it as more of an unhealthy unintended model, not sure though.

My friend, what you have is a coping mechanism. You pour yourself into someone else so you’re not able to worry about yourself, and you have control over (and feel good about) this aspect of your life, at least.

It’s not Exploded Snake. Exploded Snakes, even at their most extreme, might become co-dependent, but they don’t lose themselves in people like this.

I also really resonate with bird in the way that I really value knowledge. The only real positive thing I can consistently muster up to say about myself is that I’m intelligent. I struggled a lot in school due to trauma and untreated ADHD and the works, but I’m aware that I am smart. It still feels sort of wrong to say that, like I’m being too conceited, but I’ve worked on accepting it as fact. I’m a nerd with a large vocabulary, lots of trivia, and some special interests I hoard information on like a bird. (Mainly cats and bugs. If you werr curious. You probably weren’t.

Look. I do these because I like people. I’m interested in people. I like seeing how different they are from each other, and I like seeing how they’re the same, and I like seeing how they tick. You don’t have to apologize, and you don’t have to be so very self-deprecating.

I appreciate the honestly though, and I appreciate that you are actively taking steps, and doing everything you need to do to get going. If I were to take a guess, it would be that at one point your secondary was a whole lot more burnt than it is now. It’s doing pretty good now. But there’s still some gunk and muscle memory left over from before. That’s how it’s reading to me anyway.

As for the system, definitely at least a fun bird model. That’s the neurodivergent classic.

If I’m wrong about something, it can be embarrassing but I feel I can recover and incorporate it into my system.

That’s honestly human stuff. (But you’re using Bird language to say it. I don’t think you’re a Bird though. I think you *like* birds.)

However this is only the case if it benefits other people / adds to my understanding in a way that makes me a better person towards others. This is why it can be so hard for me to accept that I am wrong about myself on certain things.

You’re perfectly confident in your ability to reason. It just… doesn’t totally make a difference when it really comes down to it, does it? Because what I’m reading about is a system not changing.

I feel that not punishing myself is a disservice to others.

That’s Dobby the House-Elf logic. I know I’m being harsh, but I’ve got pages and pages of old diary entries romanticizing guilt, calling it noble, calling it protective, glorifying making yourself the suffering central sacrifice. And I had to be banged over the head over and over and OVER again, before I realized that… I wasn’t that special. Which was an epiphany of terror, and relief.

I have been told over and over this is not healthy but I really cannot help it. I think I’ve made progress? But only because my partner broke up with me because of it and told me I had to get my shit in order before we got back together. So that core is still there, it’s still entirely externally motivated.

Look, external motivation is still motivation. I’ll take it.

The reason I thought I modeled snake was because I mask my autism and everything else very heavily, and attempt to assimilate very heavily.

Despite the (unfortunately) identical terminology, snake masking and autism masking are completely different things.

I don’t feel like it’s a bird secondary acting, as it feels so natural to me at this point. Sometimes in the middle of a conversation I’ll realize I’m completely mirroring the other participants, saying things I don’t actually believe, etcetera. It is really so natural, it happens almost every conversation.

Snakes do that sort of thing consciously. This sounds like Courtier Badger mirroring (and you do use the word mirroring, so I figure you’ve probably worked that out.)

At the same time though, I do not know what substance there is to mask- it feels empty, like I’m constantly searching for the bottom of an endless ocean. I know that is incredibly cheesy and, God Forbid, bateman-esque. I can assure you I do not kill people. 😋

I think you identify with Patrick Bateman because he is a person that is an externally defined surface. He doesn’t know what business card design he actually likes, it probably never even occurs to him that he should buy something because he likes it. He does things because they’re correct (even if he doesn’t know why they’re correct.) But clearly he does have all this feeling that has been sublimated beneath the surface, and because he’s in a movie it comes out in his murder-sprees.

If I were to sort Patrick Bateman, I would say that he’s an extremely Burnt Lion who is deep inside a very toxic Badger community. And a Lion secondary, with that ax and chainsaw and everything. OBVIOUSLY American Psycho is a hyper-exaggerated, stylized film… but no, I’m not surprised that you see a blown-up version of yourself in him.

I feel it is something I learned as a coping mechanism. But maybe it’s inherent to who I am now and I’m actually a snake secondary? No idea.

I actually don’t think your secondary is burnt. I think is more… drifting, because your primary isn’t pointing it at anything. And just the fact that you are drifting is making me say Lion secondary over Badger secondary (which is the other possibility. But you seem kind of uncomfortable using your Badger, even though it is effective.)

Just work on liking things. That’s your homework. Just little things. Low stakes things. Pick a new phone background. Smell some candles and pick the one you like best. Go to the movie theater alone, and get a ticket to the movie you want to see most.

Small self trivia that may be relevant? I love solving mysteries and puzzles and I avoid media spoilers like the plague. This is because if I have a tiny bit of information I will often overthink it so badly that I end up interpreting the whole damn plot and then the movie isn’t even enjoyable. Especially when people offhandedly mention something I’m not supposed to guess is important, but of course it’s important if they’re telling me about it ?!?! So I can extrapolate from there and ruin the whole thing for myself. I wish to god I could turn this off but I can’t. It’s not something I model, it’s something inherent to how my brain works and it’s ANNOYING.

I’m not allowed to watch Twilight Zone episodes with my family anymore, and they still haven’t forgiven me for guessing the ending of Planet of the Apes ten minutes in. I think this kind of stuff just comes with having a foundation in media analysis and a puzzle-brain.

But at least I have fun when I’m not totally spoiled. Related: if I had to pick any superpower at all, it would be omniscience. I want to understand every universal truth there is. I want to know everything.

Oh come on, you can’t pick “I want to be god,” as your answer to the super power game. At least say that you want to achieve enlightenment or something.

But astrophysics and all that jazz is way too hard.

I have zero doubt that if you were interested in astrophysics, you could get a pretty damn good working knowledge of astrophysics.

On a smaller scale sometimes I fantasize about doing the long con on the US government and becoming a dutiful public worker just to get into the inner circles and get access to all the secrets`. 😂 But morally speaking I could NEVER do what needs to be done to get you there.

I’m going to say that this is a very Lion Badger fantasy in the specifics. Slide under the radar for years and years, get people to trust you… and then when you have the dirt on everyone, BOOM - Lion primary activates. But *overall* - it’s a revolutionary fantasy, and that’s Double Lion.

I’m trying to come up with more information for a possible secondary but I really am coming up blank. I hope there’s some key information up there that’s a secondary placement hiding in wait. Sorry for the long post. I hope you at least have fun with it! I love snappy personality systems like this, it was at least fun to write.

PS - After reading some more I am thinking snake might be less of a model and more of a secondary I simply took some time to grow into and use effectively. I have always struggled with feeling like a bad person for sometimes prioritizing groups over others- I got myself into a lot of middle school drama for trying to climb the social ladder and ditching some good friends in the process. Which, you know, hilarious in retrospect because it was middleschool, not corporate.

Awww. Baby glory hound lion.

I was a compulsive liar when I was younger, trying to get people to like me and to be a part of the group. I used to be convinced I was a master manipulator when I was really just an autistic kid trying to survive and not be othered (which was worse than death at the time.) I still struggle with this, seeing people as social ladder points.

Hmm. You know, this definitely DOES sound like a Badger secondary model.

I don’t know if my mask ever comes off around other people, but after moving out from my (mildly emotionally abusive) parents and living with my aunt I can see myself becoming more blunt and less pandering.

GOOD. That seems like it was 100% the right move for you. And part of that bluntness is you getting to be more comfortable not masking… but you know. I haven’t seen you use it really, but I do suspect you may have some Lion secondary under there.

#submission #sortinghatchats #shc #sortme #wisteria sorts #double lion #burnt lion primary #lion secondary #badger secondary model #bird secondary model

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spacesquidlings · 7 months

Text

Tonic For The Heart

Description: Gavin's eyes are sharp, especially when it comes to his beloved partner. He's noticed how she's slipped away, sadness and fatigue enveloping her like a shroud. So he suggests going out, to find ways to make her smile, to coax happiness into her heart once more.

Pairing: Gavin Bai x Female OC (Rowan)

Warnings: Mild sexual content (at the end), suggestive content, mentions of depression/a depressive episode, mentions of anxiety, mentions of OCD

Notes: Hello!!! This is a bit of a personal, self indulgent piece I wrote while I wasn't feeling particularly well mentally. Thinking about the ways Gav would help and be supportive have certainly helped when I've been at my lows, mentally and emotionally, and writing this through was quite cathartic for me. I like to think he'd be supportive and sweet (and like mildly horny but when isn't he). Anyways, I hope this brightens your day, because Gavin would most certainly love you and help however he could no matter what.

********************************************

Hands appeared on either side of Rowan, gently drawing her phone from her hands.

“Maybe that’s not such a good idea,” Gavin murmured, turning her phone off and hiding it from view.

Huffing, Rowan crossed her arms, glaring at the floor. “Give me my phone back, Gavin.”

He tsked, arms wrapping around her once again to hold her closer. “No. I know what you’re doing and it will only make things worse.”

She glared harder, wishing she could shrivel up and disappear. Gavin might have had a point, but that didn’t mean she was happy about it.

She’d been trying to make a few final pulls in one of her favourite gacha games, thinking maybe if she got the unit she wanted she would feel a little better.

She should have known better, known that it wasn’t going to make her feel better. But the draw of something shiny and new made her think it could at least offer a scrap of joy in the seemingly depthless fatigue and despair she felt like she was drowning in.

“You don’t know that,” she grumbled, wiggling away from Gavin’s arms and flopping onto her side on the bed.

She’d had a panic attack a few days ago, the first in a while. It had been brought on by family visiting, a cousin thinking they were joking around as they trampled over her carefully constructed boundaries. She’d had to send them away, her hands shaking and her mind screaming. Sweat had beaded on her forehead despite the chill in the air, a vestige of the waning winter.

Then had come the breathlessness, her vision swimming as she struggled to draw in breath, lungs spasming as she gasped and gasped and still nothing seemed to fill her chest. The roil of her belly, the strangled scream lodged in her throat as her hands twitched, unsure of what to do.

Her voice had eventually arrived, as had burning tears that limned the world silver, as though it were beautiful and innocent and painted in starlight.

That’s how Gavin had found her, returning home from errands, still standing in the place she had been when she’d sent her cousin away.

He’d had to coax her from the place she’d been frozen, gently taking her hands and helping her to wash them before taking over the cleanup to make their home feel safe again. He’d had to help her into the showering, murmuring gentle words and promises of safety as he’d ran his fingers through her hair, as he’d rinsed the soap from her body.

And then he had held her, for what seemed like hours, as the afternoon sun exploded as dusk burned across the sky, before the indigo blanket of night wrapped around the world and the stars winked into existence. She hadn’t been able to move, suddenly too tired to do even the small things she had hoped to do that day. To work on a personal project, to watch the new episode of a show she’d been keeping up with, to play the new game she’d just bought.

She’d been unable to do anything but sit there, tucked against Gavin’s chest, silent tears running down her cheeks as she’d stared at the wall. A sitcom she’d already watched a million times played on the television screen, the dialogue nothing more than dull murmurings against her ears.

Rowan had felt exhausted the following day, perhaps even worse than she had in the hours after the attack. Fatigue weighed her body down like lead, despite her chest feeling strangely hollow. She’d felt like a revenant, her flesh rotting, her bones in decay. No blood to be pumped through her deteriorating veins, nothing to coax her cold heart to beat. Her body trapped in the throes of rigor mortis, hardly able to be moved.

Gavin had stayed with her as long as he’d been able, even forgoing his usual morning run, but he’d had to leave for work far too soon. He’d coaxed her from bed before leaving, setting out one of her favourite dresses. It had been crumpled in the dryer, forgotten along with the load of laundry she’d been handling before her cousin had stopped by.

Seeing it had brought tears to her eyes, even as she’d drawn it over her head, mussing her already messy hair. She’d smoothed her hands over the wrinkles, leaning against Gavin as he’d pulled his jacket on, quietly pleading with him not to leave.

He’d had to go, and of course she’d known he’d had to. His job was important to him, and he always worked hard. She couldn’t have ask him to shirk his responsibilities, had already been ashamed that he’d wasted his afternoon and evening off coddling her like a fussy toddler.

But Gavin had still called her when he’d had the moments to spare, and he’d returned home that night with her favourite takeout and a bouquet of fresh peonies that filled the house with the smell of spring.

She’d been so thankful, so grateful for his kindness, his gentle hands as he’d cradled her against his chest again, rubbing her back as he’d told her about his day. But still she’d felt hollow, as though there were a hole where her heart ought to have been, and all his warmth and love seemed to spill through, leaving her just as cold and empty as she’d been that morning.

Listening to Gavin had made her feel even more ashamed, even days later the feeling gripping her heart, crumpling it like paper. Because she’d accomplished nothing when he’d been at work. She’d managed to do the dishes, wipe down the kitchen from their breakfast. But she’d had work she’d wanted to do, projects she’d wanted to put time into.

She’d hardly even had the energy to warm up leftovers for her lunch, and when Gavin had returned home with his bouquet of flowers and her favourite food she’d just been staring at her computer screen, hands trembling above the keyboard, unable to do even the simplest of tasks.

It got better, but it also did not. Her fatigue clinging to her, blurring her mind and slowing her thoughts until she felt as though she were dragging herself through mud. She could do regular chores around the house, but she could not seem to bring herself to do the things she usually loved. She could not work on her projects, she could not focus her attention on any new shows, she could not play any games, even though some part of herself that still lived screamed to do something, to do anything.

Rowan wondered if she would ever be able to shrug off this feeling that swathed her. If she would ever escape the feeling of being empty, of being alive but feeling dead.

She’d plucked her phone from her side table by the bed with the intention of forcing herself to play something, do something. Maybe if she bulldozed her way through something she enjoyed she would feel better. Maybe it would be cathartic. Maybe she would feel warmth spilling into her chest, healing the hole where her heart had been.

And then she’d logged into one of her few mobile games, eyes landing on a new gacha event, promising a shiny new unit that she very much wanted.

This had happened before, and she was certain she needed to speak to a professional about it, but she’d convinced herself that maybe if she got that new unit she would feel better. Not wholly healed, but better enough to play a game, and then afterwards better enough to work on her stagnating projects. That somehow it would have a ripple effect and by the end of the day she would feel better if she just managed to win that unit.

Historically that had not really been the case, and with the randomness of the system it was more likely that she would lose and her last fraying thread of hope would snap and everything would feel so much worse.

Logically, Rowan knew it was good that Gavin had caught her quickly, and yet still she found herself infinitely annoyed with his meddling.

She rolled onto her stomach, pressing her face against her pillow. “Just leave me to rot, then.”

A snort, followed by a sigh as the bed shifted by Gavin’s movements. She felt his hands at her side, gently rolling her onto her side. “I could never do that.”

Rowan huffed, flicking her eyes away, towards the wall behind him so she didn’t have to look at the amber of his eyes, gold with the light of the morning sun spilling across his face. Concern wrinkled his brow and twisted his mouth, and his touch was gentle as he brushed her hair back from her cheek.

How horrible she was, how ashamed he must be. To have a wife who could not shake something off even days after the event.

“Still not feeling good?” He asked, his voice soft as he rested his hand on her hip.

“No,” she muttered, staring straight ahead, avoiding his gaze.

“Rowan, why won’t you look at me?”

Her bottom lip quivered, but she resolutely looked ahead. “It’s been days, Gavin. This is shameful behaviour. You must be so embarrassed by how I’m acting.”

“I’m not embarrassed,” he said, his voice hitching. “Why would you think that?”

“Because I’m being ridiculous. I’m being stupid. It’s been days and I still feel like shit.”

He sighed, cupping her cheek. “You’re not being ridiculous. I know your head works a little differently from mine, but that doesn’t mean you’re being ridiculous. Maybe we just need to try something new.”

She wrinkled her nose. “I don’t want to try something new. I shouldn’t have to try something new. I should be able to just feel better. This doesn’t bother people the way it does me, and not for nearly as long as this.”

She rolled over quickly, facing the wall, unable to look away from Gavin a moment longer unless she was facing away from him. She couldn’t bear to look into his eyes, to face him. What was wrong with her? Why couldn’t she be normal.

“I miss your face,” he cooed, sounding upset even as his arm wrapped around her waist, his breath brushing against the back of her neck. “Why did you turn away?”

“So I don’t have to look at you. So you don’t have to look at your stupid wife.”

“Rowan,” his tone was less soft now, the gentleness giving way to something unyielding. The stone of a mountain beneath the soft grass and wildflowers of the meadow that blanketed it.

“You’re not stupid,” he continued, turning her back around, his expression somber. “You’re not stupid, and I don’t think you’re stupid. And I’m not ashamed of you. I just want to help.”

His gaze wavered and he sighed, leaning his brow against hers. “Just let me help you.”

An ache spiderwebbed from her chest, reaching through her body, cracking against her bones, releasing her marrow to pool in her veins.

“I don’t know what can help,” she said, her words soft as breath. “Nothing seems to help.”

He ran his hand over her back, massaging gently. “Well then why don’t we try something new?”

“Like what?” She couldn’t help snapping, feeling surly.

There was something about asking for help that always grated against her, about doing something differently than how she did. Like there was something wrong with her, like she couldn’t handle things on her own. Like she were a toddler, and needed her hands held to get through the simplest of tasks.

Of course, maybe there was something wrong with her.

It still grated, still made her want to shrivel up and vanish from the world.

Gavin clicked his tongue, pinching her cheek. “Don’t say no yet, you don’t know what I’m going to suggest.”

Rowan frowned, batting away his hand. “I think I liked it better when you were shy about touching me.”

He snorted. “Like when we first started dating?”

“You wouldn’t have pinched my cheek then.”

Gavin laughed, his hand trailing around the waistband of her sleep shorts, fingers slipping past it. “There’s a lot I wouldn’t have done then.”

She sucked in a breath, hands balling in the material of his shirt as he dipped his fingers lower. “Gavin.”

“But now I can show you all the ways I love you,” he drawled, mischief in his eyes.

Rowan flattened her hands against his chest, shoving him back. “Gavin, not now.”

He retracted his hand, although his grin remained. “I think I like it more now. I feel happy touching you.”

“Horny jerk,” she muttered, pushing him further away as he laughed.

“Okay, okay,” he conceded, holding his hands up, palms out. “I’m done teasing. But I do want you to hear me out.”

Pulling her arms back, Rowan sighed. “Fine. What were you thinking?”

His smile softened. “I think we should go out today.”

She was already shaking her head, her stomach dropping. The last thing she wanted to do was go out while she still felt so poor. “Oh Gavin, I don’t know. I don’t want to go out and-”

“For me?” He asked, cutting her off. “At least try, pumpkin. It can’t hurt.”

Face burning, Rowan looked away. “Okay, I guess.”

He beamed, closing the distance between them to press a kiss to her brow. “Great. Then let’s get up.”

“You haven’t told me where,” she said, frowning as Gavin sat up.

His only response was to kiss her cheek. “It’s a surprise. You’ll have to get up to find out.”

Steeling herself, Rowan yielded, letting Gavin draw her from bed before he straightened the sheets, telling her to get dressed. She supposed for him, at least, she would try, and see what he had planned for the day.

***

Rowan hadn’t known what to expect, although finding herself on a bench next to a paved path that ran alongside the local lake had not been it.

“Gavin, what are we doing?” She asked, watching curiously as he laced up the pastel pink and blue roller-skates he’d helped her put on. Another pair was propped against the leg of the bench waiting for Gavin.

He grinned. “Remember when you mentioned that you thought we should take more walks together?”

She frowned. “Yeah?”

“And remember when you were looking at those roller skates online?”

She arched a brow, peeking down at the skates he was nearly done lacing up, the pair she had been pining after for weeks now. “I do.”

“Well why not both?” He asked, smiling wider as he finished up with her skates, moving to sit next to her.

“Gavin I haven’t exactly roller-skated before, I’m not going to be the best,” she said, feeling awkward as her feet slipped out from under her and having to drag them back.

“That’s okay,” he murmured, bumping his nose against hers, his lips only just grazing hers. “I’ll be here with you, we’ll do it together.”

She sighed as he pulled away, crossing her arms over her knees as he pried off his shoes and tucked them into the backpack he’d brought along. “I can’t believe you remembered.”

“Of course I remembered,” he said, arching a brow as he shot her an incredulous look. “I try to remember everything I can about you.”

Her face flamed and she looked down, watching his deft fingers as they began lacing up his own skates.

“And it wasn’t exactly hard to figure out about the skates,” he teased, drawing her attention back to his face. “You left the tab open on your computer for weeks.”

She balked. “You broke into my computer?”

He shrugged, finishing up with his skates. “I just checked out the website when you forgot to close your laptop when you went to the bathroom.”

“Gavin,” she scolded.

Another shrug as he stood. “I wanted it to be a surprise, I couldn’t just ask you.”

Rowan frowned at his offered hand, stewing over the fact that he’d snooped on her computer when she wasn’t there. “That’s not a habit of yours, is it?”

He didn’t respond, although his mischievous smile suggested that occasionally it was.

“Come on, pumpkin,” he said, reaching his offered hand closer. “It’s warm today, it will be perfect to try out the skates.”

“Alright,” Rowan said, taking his hand, letting him draw her to her feet. She felt hesitant, even as he gently pulled her down the path, the bag he’d brought with their shoes slung over his shoulder.

“It’s alright, I promise,” he said, keeping hold of her hand as she stumbled behind him. “I’m right here.”

Her legs shook as she tried to follow beside him, her stomach lurching when the trail dipped and she started picking up speed. “Gavin, how do I make it stop?”

He only squeezed her hand, explaining how to turn her feet to the side to slow her descent. Heart in her throat, clutching Gavin’s hand so tightly she was sure she was cutting off circulation, she did her best to follow his instructions. Relief flooded through her as she began to slow, and she slumped against Gavin’s side when they came to a stop.

“See?” He said, his words warm as they threaded with the wind. He ran a hand over her hair, smoothing back her bangs. “That wasn’t so bad, right?”

She nodded, even as she continued to clutch his side, legs shaking like they were made of jelly.

“Why don’t we keep going?” He suggested, stroking her cheek with the back of his hand. “You’ll feel more confident once you’ve tried them for a bit.”

“Gavin, I’m terrified I’ll fall over,” she whined, squeezing her eyes shut. “And this isn’t making me feel any better.”

“It’s only been a few minutes,” he murmured, brushing her hair back. “Some things take time, and you’ve only just started.”

She wanted to protest more, wanted to curl up in a ball and draw a soft blanket over her body and melt away. The sun felt as though it were piercing her eyes, the pollen in the air stuffing her nose. She was already sweating, from anxiety more than any real physical exertion, and her stomach was in knots as small groups of people and couples passed them by. A few teenagers shot them a few weird looks, and a woman walking her dog snorted as Rowan stumbled forward.

“You wanted to learn to skate anyways, didn’t you?” Gavin asked, taking her face in his hands and tilting her head up, so she couldn’t see anything but him, but the glittering gold of his eyes. They were so reminiscent of starlight she imagined she was floating in the middle of the unending darkness of space, a trail of stardust and light guiding her way towards something wonderful, towards the warmth of the stars that loved her.

“I did,” she said. “But Gavin, I-”

“No buts, okay?” He asked, smiling even as his brow creased. “Let’s try for a little while longer. And if you like it then we can come here more often.”

“Okay,” she grumbled, pulling away from his side.

“Don’t pout,” he said, ducking his head as his eyes fell to her mouth, running the pad of his thumb over her bottom lip. “Or else I’ll have to do something about it.”

“Like what?” She asked, raising her brows. “Are you going to arrest me, officer?”

“That’s not a bad idea,” he mused. “I could handcuff you.”

She laughed, a scrap of mirth bursting in her chest like embers of a flame. “Handcuff me to what?”

Humming, Gavin leaned closer, his nose bumping with hers, a languid, wicked smile arcing across his lips. “Would you like to find out?”

The tightness in her belly and the trembling in her legs weren’t brought on by anxiety now, and although Gavin had been teasing her, Rowan couldn’t help but feel a little thankful. His taunts were distracting her from the icy anxiety that had her stomach roiling and the leaden feeling she had been carrying deep in her bones for days now.

“I’d say you’ll have to catch me first, but I don’t think I’m going to get very far,” she admitted.

“Well maybe you just need a little practice.”

She smiled again, those flickering embers beginning to catch on the tinder in her heart. At the very least she could try.

***

Although Rowan had agreed to try roller-skating for the day, she hadn’t expected Gavin to take such advantage of the opportunity. They skated for what felt like years, although surely couldn’t have been more than a few hours.

He worked out every day, and seemed to be an expert in every sport and outdoor activity, including skating. He glided effortlessly down the path, not even breaking a sweat as he skated.

Rowan, on the other hand, felt exhausted after twenty minutes, her legs shaking from exertion and sweat pouring down her back. She kept tripping over seemingly nothing, shrieking whenever the path started going downhill until she’d managed to completely stop. Her hand was like a claw in Gavin’s, clutching it so tight her knuckles had long since turned white.

But despite that, Gavin persisted, coaxing her forward down the path, the lake glistening like it was made up of precious gems beneath the afternoon sun.

She knew her legs were going to ache the next day, having never roller-skated for so long before, having never roller-skated at all before now. But she reached a point in the day where she no longer cared, lungs heaving as she tried keeping up with Gavin, wiping sweat from her brow.

He paused a few times, directing them to benches that looked out over the lake. He offered her water and snacks that he’d stowed away in the bag slung over his shoulders, but after a few minutes he would stand, dragging her with him. Giving her enough time to rest, but not enough to think too much about anything other than getting to sit for a few minutes and have something to drink.

Although she did start desperately craving curry of all things, and a sweet drink. Maybe a mixed cocktail, something with a fruity flavour and a sugary base.

“Gavin,” she said, breaking the comfortable quiet that had draped over them as they sat, staring out at the lake.

He raised a brow, watching her from the corner of his eye as he took a long drink from his water bottle. His throat bobbed, a trickle of water slipping from the lip of the bottle and slipping down his throat.

It snagged her attention, her train of thought derailing and crashing in a burst of flames as she took in his appearance. The sweat that beaded on his brow, the way the sun gilded his hair, the way it set his eyes alight like they were made of sunfire.

He swallowed again, throat bobbing, and Rowan’s stomach twisted, an ache blooming between her legs that had nothing to do with how long they’d been skating.

Gavin’s brow arched higher and he lowered the water bottle, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. The movement summoned a memory in Rowan’s mind, of Gavin kneeling between her legs, wiping his mouth as he grinned, his eyes so dark they seemed to smolder like fiery embers.

“Rowan?” His voice yanked her back to the present, his hand cupping her cheek as his eyes searched hers, concern staining his tone. “Is something wrong? Your face is red.”

She pulled back, shaking her head furiously, trying to dispel the heady memory. “No, sorry. I’m alright. I was just lost in thought for a second there.”

The corners of his eyes crinkled as he gave her a bemused smile. “You’re sure.”

“Very sure,” she answered, hastily grabbing her own water bottle and taking a long sip.

He tipped his head to the side, still looking bemused, but the light in his eyes turning mischievous.

“Did you want to ask me something?” He asked.

Rowan nodded as she clutched the water bottle between her hands, willing all the desire in her body to go away. She would never hear the end of it if he found out he’d turned her on by accident. She also would never get a chance to have that curry and sweet drink today, maybe tomorrow too, knowing Gavin.

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to go out to get dinner,” she said, picking at a thread on her sleeve. “I know we had takeout a few days ago, but…” She trailed off, not sure what else to say.

“Of course we can,” he said, his smile gentler now. “What were you thinking?”

“I kind of really wanted curry,” she said. “And a cocktail. Or maybe two.”

Brow arched, Gavin chuckled. He reached out to cup her face, ducking his head to brush his lips against hers. “We can do whatever you want.”

“Really?” She asked, her voice squeaking as the kiss reignited the ache in her core she had hoped to stifle.

“Really,” he said, lips trailing from the corner of her lips down her throat. “As long as it will make you happy.”

She giggled, thoughts growing hazy as he nipped at the corner of her jaw. “Gavin, we’re in public.”

“And?”

She pinched his side, earning nothing but a heady chuckle and his teeth against her throat.

“Gavin,” she chastised. Although her heart wasn’t entirely in it, her mind slipping away as she imagined all the things she wanted him to do to her.

But she was craving that food so much right now. Surely he could wait a few hours. Surely they both could.

“Gavin please,” she said, a little more firmly this time.

He paused, looking up at her from beneath the fringe of his bangs. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” she promised, running her fingers through his hair. “I just kind of really want to get some food before anything else.”

His eyes closed for a moment as he pulled away. He took a steadying breath, his smile soft as he opened his eyes. “Of course. Then we should probably start heading back.”

He stood first, offering her his hand. And this time Rowan didn’t hesitate, letting him draw her back down along the lake.

***

They were both sweaty by the time they arrived back at home, and changed quickly into fresh clothes before heading back out. Rowan’s legs were already beginning to ache, and she knew she was going to be sore when she woke up the next day. But she was certain she wouldn’t mind too much. Maybe Gavin would take her skating again soon, until her body was used to the movements and no longer ached afterwards.

Hands intertwined, they wandered through the city, electing to walk rather than drive.

“It’s good to walk around sometimes,” Gavin had said, although when Rowan had countered that they’d just been on their feet all afternoon he’d only chuckled. Promised that all the extra exercise and movement would make her feel better.

Whether that was true or not was yet to be seen, but she was certain that despite the early desire that had kindled in her veins, it was very unlikely anything would be happening tonight. She could already feel fatigue creeping in at the edges of her consciousness, the kind of full body fatigue that only came from way more physical exertion than she was used to.

She wasn’t sure if Gavin’s efforts would truly help to soothe her heart, but she did know that she would sleep very, very well that night.

She slumped against him as they finally arrived at the restaurant, eyes falling closed as they waited for the hostess to take down their information and put them on the waiting list.

“Hey,” Gavin murmured, brushing his knuckles across her cheek as they sat in the low chairs lining the walls of the entrance as they waited for a table to open up.

Rowan groaned, readjusting as she tried to snuggle against his side.

“Don’t fall asleep yet,” he cooed, pressing his lips to her brow. “We haven’t even eaten anything yet.”

“I feel sleepy,” she muttered, cracking her eyes open to peek up at him.

“It’s all that sunshine and exercise,” he teased, trailing his lips along the curve of her jaw. “You need to get out more.”

“I go out,” she argued, which she only realized was a weak rejoinder once it had left her lips. Gavin straightened, his grin impish as he caught her eye.

“You should go out more,” he said, snorting as she rolled her eyes. “I’m serious. Maybe it will help.”

“I don’t know if there’s anything that can help me,” she grumbled, crossing her arms as she slumped in her seat. “I might just be broken.”

“You’re not broken,” he said, reaching for her hand, prying it away from where she’d tucked it beneath her arm. “But maybe starting some new habits will help so you don’t feel so bad when this happens again.”

She nodded, muttering out a quiet “I guess” like a morose child.

“You could come out with me on my run tomorrow,” Gavin suggested, massaging her hand. “That would be a good place to start.”

“I don’t think I’m going to be waking up before noon after today,” she said, sighing. “I already feel exhausted.”

“Something in the evening then,” he said, reaching for her other hand. “We can go to my gym. Or there’s a new pool that opened that we could try. It’s pretty quiet in the evenings.”

“Do we have to do something tomorrow?” She whined, twisting in her seat to face him, trying to summon her most pitiful puppy dog eyes and pout to sway him. “I’ll be so tired, babey.”

But Gavin did not cave, instead snorting as he released her hand. “It’s good to start better habits as soon as you can. And besides, we can do it together. It will be fun.”

Rowan groaned, staring up at the ceiling. Working out at all sounded like the exact opposite of fun.

Maybe if she didn’t bring it up again he would forget. And they could watch a movie or play a game tomorrow evening instead.

The sound of rustling at her side drew Rowan’s attention back to Gavin as he pulled his phone from his pocket.

“What are you doing?” She asked, peeking over his shoulder, momentarily forgetting her earlier chagrin.

“Putting it in my calendar for tomorrow so I don’t forget,” he said, arching a brow as his eyes caught hers. “So neither of us forgets.”

Rowan wrinkled her nose, frowning at the implication that Gavin had already guessed she’d hoped he would forget about working out tomorrow evening.

“Don’t look at me like that,” he pouted. He tucked his phone away, reaching for her face again. “I love your smile.”

“I don’t want to smile, you’re trying to torture me.”

Warm laughter rang through the room, filling the air with light, as though she were being swept up towards the sun.

“It’s not torture,” Gavin insisted, stroking her cheek as he continued to laugh. “I promise. I really think it could help.”

But before Rowan could argue any further, the hostess called their name, beckoning them over to follow her into the restaurant.

Gavin was grinning far too widely for her liking as he took her hand, drawing her from her seat and following behind the hostess.

“If I’m honest, I have a selfish reason for wanting you to come out with me tomorrow evening too,” he whispered, leaning close so his lips brushed against the shell of her ear.

Although Gavin hadn’t said anything particularly improper, still Rowan felt her face burning. He was so close, his breath sending shivers down her spine. His words tangled in her mind, his voice twining around her ribs and looping through her veins and nerves, like a languid summer wind rattling leaves and branches as it passed by.

“What do you mean?” She asked, voice quivering, her legs wobbling like jelly.

He hummed, the sound warming her veins, liquid heat pooling in her core. She wasn’t expecting the scrape of his teeth, gasping as she felt them against her ear.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” was his final response before he peeled away, moving to pull out a chair for her to sit.

Rowan didn’t know how she made it the final few steps to the table, falling back into her chair before Gavin moved to take his seat. The hostess was chattering about something, but Rowan didn’t catch it. Her words sounded like they were coming from underwater, garbled and slurred and strange.

All she did know was that her face was burning and her legs were shaking and she wasn’t sure if it was from fatigue or Gavin’s teasing. Maybe both.

She drained the water set at the table before the server arrived, wishing it would clear her mind and settle her racing thoughts. At the very least she could feel her face beginning to cool, and she heaved a sigh of relief as she set her glass to the side.

“Dehydrated?” Gavin asked, peeking at her over the menu as he flipped through it. “Did I not bring enough water?”

She huffed, refusing to make eye contact. “Something like that.”

He hummed, propping his chin in hand, smirking. “Or are you maybe craving something else?”

She kicked him, but even as he winced Gavin laughed, reaching across the table for her hand.

“I love you,” he said, leaning forward to press a kiss to her knuckles before releasing her hand. “I love you so much.”

Rowan felt baffled as he leaned back, lifting his menu to once again peruse the options. He was telling her he loved her now? After she’d kicked him?

“Gavin, are you feeling okay?” She asked. “Did you get too much sun?”

He blinked, seeming just as baffled as she’d been. “No. Why?”

“I think you might be delusional,” she said, leaning forward to press the back of her hand against his brow. “Maybe you have a fever?”

“I don’t have a fever,” he said, gently batting her hand away. “What’s this about?”

Rowan sank back into her seat, pouting. “Well you said that you loved me.”

“I do love you.”

“After I kicked you.”

A pause, his bemused smile growing wider, brighter as understanding flashed in the amber of his eyes.

“I love you always,” he said, far too smoothly. It made her belly twist, made the heat in her core burn as though her bones were kindling for a wildfire. “Even when you kick me.”

She chewed on her bottom lip, looking away. She struggled to keep the flush she could feel creeping across her body in check. She also struggled against the urge to kick Gavin again.

Rowan was starting to think going out today was more for him than her.

“You’re paying for dinner,” she grumbled, snatching up her menu and opening it with a flick. “And I’m ordering a mai tai.”

“As you wish,” he said, voice warming around the edges, like sun-warmed honey.

“And I want crab rangoons for an appetizer,” she muttered, feeling particularly surly after being teased.

“We can get whatever you want, pumpkin,” he promised. “Do you want to order some things to share?”

Rowan hesitated. Part of her rebelled against acting anything but a petulant child, still annoyed that he’d teased her. That he always managed to surreptitiously tease her in public, leaving her on the edge of becoming a mess and unable to do a thing about it.

But she also did want to share some plates, wanted to spear food right off of Gavin’s plate when he wasn’t looking. Whatever he ordered always ended up tasting better anyways.

“We can get some noodles,” he suggested, leaning forward again, brows raised. She knew he was trying to make peace for teasing her earlier. “And a few different curries if you want.”

“And crab rangoons?”

“Of course.”

Rowan snapped her menu shut again, already knowing exactly what she wanted. She smiled, feeling a little lighter than she had that morning when she had felt like a corpse walking. “Okay, I think we should do that.”

“Perfect timing,” Gavin beamed. “I think that’s our server now.”

“Don’t forget my mai tai,” she added, pointing to the small menu of drink specials propped up in the middle of the table.

He took her hand again, squeezing gently. “I could never forget anything about you.”

She rolled her eyes, but her heart softened all the same. Even if he was talking about her drink order.

***

Dinner was delicious, and for a few brief moments Rowan forgot everything but how content she felt as she clutched the bag of their leftovers in one hand and Gavin’s arm in her other.

She might have had more than one cocktail. Maybe two. Maybe three. Blessedly, Gavin said nothing. He’d only smiled, helping to pack away their leftovers and tuck them into the bag they were given before paying the bill.

She leaned against him, her head empty but for a dawn-coloured haze and the smell of his cologne.

“You smell nice,” she mumbled, dropping her head so it fell against his shoulder. “You should wear this more often.”

“Anything for you, love,” he said, laughing when she brushed her lips against his throat.

“Why are you always so kind,” she muttered, peeling away. “I haven’t exactly been a ray of sunshine lately. Why are you doing all of this?”

His brow creased, the light of the streetlights flaring to life catching in his eyes, turning them gold. They were like stars, guiding lights that kept her safe. His smile was small, almost amused at her question.

“Because I love you,” he said, squeezing her hand so tight it nearly hurt. Like he didn’t want to let her go, like he was scared of what would happen if he let her go, if she slipped from his grasp.

“I love you, and I want to protect you,” he said, drawing her to the side, so he could hold her gaze. “I want to take care of you. I would never hold your feelings against you.”

She wanted to protest, opening her mouth to argue. She was being surly, selfish, lazy. She wasn’t doing anything, she was morose. She was a rainstorm stretching darkness across the sky, plunging the world into a chilled, damp misery.

Gavin’s gaze hardened, if only for a moment. His mouth pressed into a thin line, and he reached up to cup her cheek, pressing the pad of his thumb against her lips.

“No arguing,” he said. His tone was firm, although there was still some of that kindness.

She considered licking his finger to see what would happen, but decided against it. She was sure Gavin would only use it to his advantage somehow.

“All I want to do is take care of you, and help you feel better,” he said. “I love you regardless of how you’re feeling. Whether you’re struggling or not. I’m here for you. Always.”

Rowan’s eyes burned, all thoughts of licking his thumb to tease him gone. The world was blurring at the edges, painted in messy strokes of quicksilver as he spoke. Her heart ached, ribs fracturing against the pressure of it as his words slipped through her veins, pumped through her with every erratic beat of her heart.

“And when you have these attacks, I want you to lean on me. Let me take care of you until you feel better again.”

Rowan sniffled, her bottom lip wobbling. She didn’t have any words, her throat closing up in anticipation of sobs building in her chest.

“Don’t cry,” Gavin cooed, his hand sliding away from her lips, his thumb stroking her cheek. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

Her lip continued wobbling, and she closed her eyes as the world was drowned in silver, blurring so she couldn’t make out anything but the gold of his eyes.

“It’s hard not to,” she cried. “You can’t just say sweet things like that.”

“But I want to,” he murmured, leaning close until their brows bumped together. “I want to tell you sweet things every day.”

“Then you’ll have to put up with me crying.”

“Are they at least happy tears?”

She sniffled, offering him a wobbly smile. “Maybe.”

A huff of laughter ghosted against her lips. “Then I’ll just wipe your tears away until you can smile.”

She cracked her eyes open, catching the light in his own. “I’m smiling right now, aren’t I?”

He chuckled, catching her off-guard as he pressed his lips to hers, tongue swiping over her bottom lip as she gasped.

“I love your smile,” he murmured, breaking away, beaming as though they weren’t pressed up together at the edge of an alley at dusk. “I’ll make sure you can always smile.”

“You’ll have your work cut out for you,” she said, smiling wryly.

“I’d do anything for you,” he breathed, offering one last, painfully chaste kiss to her lips before stepping back. “Although we should probably head home before it gets too late.”

She giggled, wiping the corners of her eyes. “I do feel like I’m in desperate need of a shower.”

“I can help with that.”

Rolling her eyes, Rowan shook her head. “I don’t think much showering would get done then.”

He pouted, taking her hand as they began walking down the street once more. “I would make sure you get clean…” he trailed off, as though he were about to say more, but had thought better of it.

Rowan pressed her lips together to stifle her smile as she hummed. She was trying to sound disapproving, but it sounded more like she was considering his suggestion.

Which she might have been. Depending on how tired she was when they got home.

Gavin’s eyes alighted on something to the side and he paused, drawing Rowan to a halt beside him.

“What is it?” She asked, curious as she turned to search for what he was looking at.

A few feet from them was a neon flashing sign for an arcade. The door was open to let in the evening spring air, and sugary techno music poured onto the street, undercut by the beeps and pings of the machines and games inside.

“Do you want to go in?” She asked, tilting her head towards the arcade. “I don’t think we’ve ever been.”

He hummed. “Would that be okay with you? I think it might be fun. Maybe there’s a game we can play together.”

Rowan bobbed her head, delight bubbling in her chest. “I would love that.”

He smiled, drawing her along with him. “I’ll even let you pick the first game.”

Rowan winced as they stepped into the arcade, the music much louder now that they were inside. She felt like she had to practically shout to be heard above the music. “I’ve never been to an arcade before! I don’t know what to pick!”

“We’ll have to take a look!” Gavin said, squeezing her hand as they walked up to the front counter.

They had to purchase two little cards, loaded with credits to use on the machines rather than coins. The staff member at the front explained it to them quickly as she loaded up their cards. It was meant to replace using change and tokens, especially since many of the newer machines didn’t accept any coins at all. She also directed them to little self-serve stations around the arcade where they could load more money onto their cards if they ran out.

Wrapping his arm around her waist, Gavin drew Rowan deeper into the arcade once he had been handed the receipt for their cards. “What do you want to do first?”

She cast her gaze around, frowning as they wandered around, trying to decide on one of the many colourful, flashing machines. “I’m not sure. There’s just so many.”

“Do you want a plushie?” He asked, directing her attention to a massive claw machine next to a pacman game, neon pinks and greens and blues flashing around the pile of stuffed animals trapped within the case.

She clapped her hands together, walking up to the machine. “I do! But I’m no good at these.”

“That’s alright. I’ll win one for you,” Gavin promised, brushing a kiss against her brow. “Which one do you want?”

Rowan pointed to a fluffy teal otter grinning up at them from the side of the pile. “That one please!”

He swiped his card against the card reader on the machine, the claw jerking to the starting position as a little chime sounded from speakers embedded inside the glass case.

“This shouldn’t be too hard,” Gavin mused, taking hold of the toggle stick and moving the claw.

***

As it happened, it was hard. Rowan had to cover her mouth with both hands to stifle her laughter as Gavin struggled to move the claw. She’d lost count of how many attempts it had been now, but still Gavin persisted, intent on getting the otter.

“It’s not that big of a deal,” she said, resting her hand against his arm. She readjusted her other arm, clutching at the few plushies he had managed to snag. They just weren’t the otter. “I can live without it.”

He sighed, hanging his head. “But you wanted it.”

“I want to have fun with you more,” she said, her voice soft as she leaned against his side. “Why don’t we look at some other games?”

Gavin shot one last glare at the otter, smirking at them from the other side of the glass, before relenting. “Alright, pumpkin. What would you like to do next?”

Rowan tapped her cheek, peering around the room. “Why not a dancing game?”

Gavin paled, even as he coughed, trying to look nonchalant. “A dancing game?”

“Like dance dance revolution,” she said, dragging him across the room. She could see the flashing pad that they would need to stand on to dance, and there wasn’t anyone around the game. It was the perfect opportunity.

“Are you sure?” He asked, scratching at the back of his neck. “You know I’m not that good of a dancer.”

Rowan clambered onto the platform before the screens, pouting as Gavin continued to hesitate. “Please, babey? For me? I wanna play this one.”

His eyes closed, and he ran a hand through his hair as he sighed. His shoulders slumped in defeat before he climbed up next to her, taking the plushies from her arms and setting them on top of the machine. “Alright. Why don’t you pick the song.”

Rowan squealed, mirth in her heart and her veins as she swiped her card before scrolling through the different options. There were a lot of songs that she recognized, which made it difficult to settle on just one.

“I think we’ll have to do this one a few times,” she muttered, scanning the songs she was slowly choosing between. “I want to try all of them.”

Gavin coughed again, covering his mouth as if to hide his wince. “All of them?”

“Yes,” she insisted, crossing her arms as she stepped back, finally settling on a song. “All of them!”

“What about the other games?”

She tipped her head to the side, hoping her smile was as innocent as she was trying to make it. “Well physical activity will help make you feel better after all those losses, won’t it?”

Gavin blinked, taken aback. For a few moments he seemed to have entirely short-circuited, unable to come up with a single response. But then the light slowly returned to his eyes, and his lips slid up into a sly smile. “I’ll remember that for later.”

His smile quickly fell away once the music started up. He was hyper focused, taking the game very seriously.

And at first it worked out well. While Rowan stumbled over stepping on the right squares as they lit up, too focused on giggling at Gavin’s serious expression, he managed to hit every one of them with ease.

But then the song hit the chorus and the game picked up speed, the movements becoming more complex, and suddenly Gavin was not doing so well.

Rowan couldn’t stop laughing, even as she gasped for breath as the pace continued to pick up. Her cheeks were hurting by the time they’d cycled through all of the songs she wanted to try, sweat slipping down her back. Her legs felt like jelly, but her head felt lighter than air. Like she was made of clouds and spun sugar. Of gossamer and wind.

“That was so much fun,” she gushed, taking hold of Gavin’s arm.

He felt steadier than her, although he was wobbling a little as he scooped up the plushies from the claw machine. “I’m glad you had fun.”

“Did you?�� She asked, taking the plushies from his arms. Ice water seemed to drip through her, like icicles melting in spring, puddling where there had once been warmth. Maybe she had pushed too much, and now he was unhappy after being forced to play a game he didn’t like.

But Gavin only squeezed her closer to his side, nuzzling his nose against her cheek. “Of course I did. I couldn’t take my eyes off you.”

She frowned, confused even as the chill in her veins melted away beneath the sun of his words. “What do you mean?”

“You were laughing. How could I not have fun?”

“Gavin,” she groaned, even as her face burned. “You’re such a dork.”

“And you’re so cute when you’re flustered,” he teased, dropping a kiss to her cheek before dragging her away before she could protest.

They wandered around the arcade aimlessly after that, pausing every few moments to try out another game. There was Pac-Man, Street Fighter, Donkey Kong, Space Invaders. They even tried pinball for a while, but gave up when it was clear neither of them were particularly good at it.

They were just passing by the prize counter when Rowan froze, eyes falling on the fluffy teal otter sitting on one of the shelves.

“Gavin,” she gasped, yanking on his sleeve. She pointed to the otter, its expression seeming to say ‘come win me! You need me!’ “Look!”

He blinked, narrowing his eyes as he scanned the shelf the otter sat on. “We need six thousand points to redeem it.”

“How many do we have?” Rowan asked, wrinkling her brow as she lifted her card.

Gavin headed towards one of the self-serve stations, checking the balance of points on his card. He frowned, brow creasing. “Only two thousand.”

Rowan hummed, checking the balance on hers. “Two thousand too. Could we maybe combine them?”

Gavin hummed, eyes scanning the arcade. “Wait here, I’m going to go find an employee.”

Rowan waited as he vanished from view. Without Gavin beside her she could feel the fatigue of the day creeping in. After dinner she’d had a burst of energy, a second wind to keep her going through the evening, but it was waning now. She wanted to lean against Gavin’s chest, or drink a sugary drink. Or maybe both.

Gavin reappeared as she was slumping against the wall, her eyes so heavy she could hardly keep them open.

“Where’d you go?” She asked, her voice sounding a little slurred as she reached her arms towards him.

He let her draw him close, one hand sliding up her back and massaging her neck. “I was asking how long the arcade is open until.”

She frowned, exhaustion surely muddling her thoughts so she couldn’t understand what he was saying. That and the three mai tais she’d had. “Why?”

“I’m going to get enough points to win that otter for you,” he said, beaming. “It shouldn’t take too long.”

“Gavin we’ve been here for like an hour and all we have is four thousand points between us.”

He chuckled, ruffling her hair before releasing her. “But we spent twenty of that at the claw machine, and that doesn’t offer points.”

“What games do you wanna play then?” She asked, reaching for him again. She was feeling so tired, and she just wanted to be close. Wanted to be close to him where it was warm and safe.

“I want to start with that basketball game,” he said, pointing to a game a few aisles over where a line of basketball hoops were arranged.

Rowan clapped her hands, a surge of energy flowing through her like lightning in a storm. “You’re so good at basketball, babey.”

He scratched at the back of his neck with his free hand, the tips of his ears stained red. “I’m alright.”

But still Rowan beamed, knowing that Gavin was actually amazing at it. Sometimes, when the weather was nice and he met up with a few friends and colleagues, she would tag along, watching as he played from the bleachers. He always looked so focused and serious, and yet there was always a soft light in his eyes, a happiness kept hidden under the serious set of his jaw.

Gavin swiped his card in front of one of the basketball games, a handful of miniature basketballs streaming out in front of them. Rowan watched, utterly enchanted, as he made basket after basket, swiping his card again and again as more basketballs rolled in front of him.

He won so many times in a row a small crowd gathered behind them, ooo-ing and aaaw-ing as he won again and again, the speakers built into the game playing celebratory music as he continued.

“You’re going to become a celebrity at this rate,” Rowan murmured, peeking over her shoulder at the crowd of teens and children and parents watching Gavin with mixed expressions of curiosity and awe.

Gavin paused, turning to look behind them as well, frowning. “Hm. Maybe we should try a different game.”

“We could do one of the racing ones!” She suggested, pointing to an empty game in a corner. “But I want my car to be pink.”

Chuckling, Gavin took her hand, brusquely excusing himself to the gathering as he shouldered his way through the gaggle of people still watching him as though he were an arcade god.

“You know I bet you really could become a celebrity,” she teased, squeezing his hand as she noticed a teen girl recording them with her phone. “There’s probably going to be videos of you all over the internet tomorrow.”

“I don’t care what they think,” he said, even as the blush at the tips of his ears reached down to his cheeks, staining his whole face the red of a sunset. He turned to meet her gaze, pausing next to the game she had suggested. “I only care what you think.”

Rowan grinned, cupping his face in her hands and brushing her lips to his. “Well I think we should try out this game.”

He chuckled, his smile soft as they broke apart. “As you wish, my love.”

***

Although Rowan knew Gavin could easily beat her in any of the games they tried, he always let her win a round or two. When they raced he let her win the first few races, her candy-coated car and bubblegum pink character leaving him in the dust.

It had almost been enough to trick her into forgetting that he always beat her in Mario Kart. Whether it was Moo Moo Meadows or Rainbow Road, Gavin never failed to win. But she would bask in her victories nonetheless, even if he had handed them to her.

They cycled through nearly every game in the arcade, taking a break every now and then to replay some of Rowan’s favourites. Dance Dance Revolution of course was a must, and she couldn’t stop giggling as Gavin danced next to her.

There was a VR game they wanted to try too, a rhythm game that they could play together. But the line to try the game had been way longer than they’d been willing to wait, and instead they had tried the other games in the arcade, attempting nearly all of them at least once. But as the minutes slowly ticked into hours and the hazy evening light melted into the indigo of night, the crowds slowly dispersed until it was only the two of them and a few other couples milling around.

“Do you want to try the VR one?” Rowan asked, tugging on Gavin’s arm as he checked his points again.

He looked up, blinking at the now nonexistent line for the game that had piqued their interest earlier. “What time is it?”

Rowan checked her phone, wincing at the bright flare of her screen. “It’s just after midnight.”

“We can do that one, and then maybe we’ll call it a day?”

“Do we have enough points for the otter?” She looped her arm through his as they made their way to the game, a bright melody filtering from speakers she couldn’t see surrounding the machine and the VR headsets.

“Just about.” He grinned, looking more than a little smug.

Rowan gaped, amazed. She hadn’t done nearly as well as Gavin had, and was still a thousand points short. “You’re really amazing, babey.”

He chuckled, leaning his head close. “It’s only because you’re here.”

Rowan couldn’t help giggling, fatigue and the alcohol from her mai tai blending together, making her feel lightheaded and ditzy. “What? Like a rabbit’s foot?”

“Much more precious than that.” His lips brushed against her ear, making her shiver. “Everything is perfect when you’re beside me.”

Rowan wanted to point out that things hadn’t exactly been perfect when he’d been trying his hand with the claw machine, but swallowed the words instead. Gavin’s voice was warm and sweet as honey, and it was making her feel like she was melting beneath a summer’s sun. She didn’t want him to stop, felt like she would fall into the comforting warmth of his embrace if he continued.

But Gavin pulled away, a rush of cool air spilling over her in his wake. She pouted, although it was short lived as he brushed his mouth to the corner of her lips.

“I love your smile more,” he breathed. “And if you pout more I’ll have to do something about it.”

“Like what?” She felt like pushing her luck a little, wondering how far she could get before he retaliated. Wondered how much he would retaliate in public before dragging her home to finish the job.

“Do you really want to find out?” He asked. His breath ghosted against her throat, gooseflesh rising in its wake. “Keep pouting and you will.”

She shivered again. Part of her wanted to keep her bottom lip out, wanted to see exactly what he meant. But she was quickly distracted by the flashing lights and dancing figures wielding silver swords on the screen before her, prompting them to put on the VR helmets.

Setting the helmet on her head, Rowan was met with a wave of dizziness as she seemed to be plunged into a world of bright colours and sounds that assaulted her tired mind.

There was bright, cheerful digital music playing as fuschia and azure stars flashed around her, the corona of their light slowly growing into a grid that surrounded her. She knew Gavin was beside her, although she could no longer see his features, only the shape of him wrought in violet and aquamarine.

She lifted one hand to see that she too, was little more than a brightly coloured figure in the game, her hand painted in bubblegum pink and gold.

“This is kind of freaky,” she said, raising her arm to get a better look at her in-game avatar, watching as the colours roiled over the length of her arm like ocean waves. “I feel like I’m on acid or something.”

Gavin chuckled, and she imagined the wry smile playing on his lips. “It reminds me a little of a training simulator at the STF.”

“Okay but. Did the STF training simulator also have a rhythm game in it?” She reached her hand out in thin air, even as her avatar in the game scrolled through different song options to play to.

Another chuckle. “No, it didn’t.”

“Well then they should add one, because rhythm games make everything better.”

A beat as he sucked in a breath. “Rowan, are you still mad I didn’t let you buy that Vocaloid rhythm game?”

“Of course I’m still mad!” She whirled to the side, imagining the amused glint that would be in his eyes. “It was on sale! It looked like so much fun!”

“But you haven’t even finished the last game you bought.”

“But that one is different,” she whined. “That’s an RPG. Rhythm games are different.”

He lifted his hands, conceding. “Alright. Next time we go out I’ll buy it for you.”

“And there’s a new romance sim I want that comes out next week too.”

Gavin heaved a long-suffering sigh, shaking his head.

“You said anything for me!” She waved her arms, her earlier brain haze giving way to the desire to be ridiculously dramatic. “For me! The love of your life! Your everything! Your sweet pumpkin pie!”

Gavin’s hands reached for hers, clasping them between his palms. She could feel the tremors of his laughter through his hands, his whole body shaking like an earthquake had rent the deep, boisterous laughter from deep in his soul.

“You are my everything,” he promised, his words lilting as his laughter slowly began to subside. “And you are my sweet pumpkin pie.”

Her legs wobbled a little, as though they were made of jelly, when he said it. Something about the utter dorkiness of the affectionate nickname he’d bestowed on her that always made her feel a little weak, a little like she were no more substantial than seafoam and summer clouds.

“I’ll buy you whatever you want.” He brushed a kiss to her knuckles, the sensation strange since she could not see his face, only the blue and purple avatar the game had conjured for him. “But first, let’s try this game.”

Rowan beamed, her focus diverted as it was once again turned to the VR game. “Alright. But I’m picking the music.”

“As you wish,” was his response, and she could see the arc of his smile in her mind.

“And I’m not going easy on you!”

Gavin’s laughter threaded with the opening strains of the music as the game began, their VR avatars wielding massive silver swords that flashed as they sliced into the projectiles the game tossed at them.

Rowan was pleased to find that she was actually quite good at the game, quickly syncing her movements to the beat of the song. Beside her, Gavin was seeming to do quite well too, although Rowan felt a surge of smug satisfaction as she realized her score was higher than his.

“I think the STF should get one of these!” She sang, starbursts exploding across her screen as she swiped at the in-game projectiles. “I think it could be good training!”

“Good training for what?” Gavin sounded incredulous, even as he successfully sliced through a string of projectiles as the tempo picked up.

“Well what if you have to go undercover during a fancy ball? And you need to dance with someone?” She gasped, clapping her hands as the round ended and she was declared the winner. “Or what if you have to fight in the middle of a ball or a party and you can only attack on beat to whatever song is playing?”

She imagined the amusement in his expression, the incredulity at the edges. “That’s never happened before.”

“But what if it does.”

He laughed, warm and bright, surely reaching towards the stars. His laughter turning to bright lights among the velvet darkness of the night. “I’ll make sure to add it to the agenda.”

“Oh good,” she said, feigning relief. “I was so worried.”

“The last thing I want to do is worry you.”

“While you’re at it, we should take dance classes again,” she continued, starting up a new round. “I think that would be fun.”

Gavin paused for a beat before responding, and for a moment Rowan thought maybe he hadn’t heard her, the music blasting in his ears drowning out his senses. But then he did respond, his voice soft. Like the moments between sleep and awakening. “I would love that.”

Rowan wanted to question if he was feeling alright, but the tempo picked up in the game and she had to turn and focus, intent on beating Gavin yet again.

They ended up playing for quite a few rounds, the arcade near deserted now but for them and a few couples crowded around the retro-inspired games. Rowan felt like she might have been on her third or fourth wind, more energy flowing through her in a moment than an entire week.

Not that the sudden burst of energy lasted particularly long, with her legs suddenly turning to jelly and her bones to lead.

She whined as Gavin helped her to remove the VR helmet, nearly toppling against his chest once they were both free.

“Why don’t we collect our prizes and head home?” He suggested, arm wrapped around her waist as he led the way to the prize counter.

The employee standing at the counter looked beyond bored, not even bothering to try and hide their phone as they idly flicked their thumb across the screen.

“Cards please,” they said, their tone dull as they held their hand out.

Gavin had never looked more smug as he handed his card over, waiting for the employee to let him know what prizes he could choose from.

Rowan’s eyes bulged as she listened to the employee list the points Gavin had wracked up, pointing to all of the items he could redeem.

He didn’t hesitate as he selected the teal otter. He cradled it in his arms for a moment, his expression softening as he turned to Rowan.

“For you.”

She clutched it to her chest, beaming so wide her cheeks hurt. “Thank you, babey.”

His smile turned mischievous. “Don’t thank me yet, I still have points leftover.”

She was astonished that he had any points left after the otter. She hadn’t thought the VR game had given them that many points, had it?

Gavin quickly redeemed the rest of his points for a finger trap, a handful of candy, and a blind box from a series she loved.

Rowan clutched her otter as she redeemed her own points, choosing another two blind boxes and a goofy plastic crown.

“For you, my king,” she announced, settling it on Gavin’s head. “For defeating all the enemies in the arcade.”

The employee rolled their eyes as the two of them walked away, but Rowan didn’t care. She was tired, still a little drunk, and so overwhelmingly happy she thought she might explode into stardust. It had been so long since she’d tasted such joy, and she wasn’t going to let a grouchy teenager ruin it because they were being silly.

She loved Gavin, loved being silly around him.

“Why did you get that?” She asked, pointing to the finger trap as he tucked it into his pocket.

He shrugged. “I’m going to use it to keep you close.”

“Keep me close?”

He lifted her hand, sliding it easily onto her index finger. “Exactly. Just like this.” Then he slid his finger into the other end, joining the two of them together.

Rowan laughed, delighted by the silliness of it. “You could always just hold my hand.”

“But what if you let go?”

“I mean…” She trailed off, cheeks burning even as they stepped out into the crisp night. “You could always use your handcuffs.”

Gavin smirked, looking far too pleased for her liking. “I was planning on saving those for something else. But I can cuff you if you want.”

She looked away as quickly as she could, blinking as the world spun. Maybe she’d drank too much. “It was only a suggestion.”

He dropped his head close to hers, lips ghosting against the curve of her jaw. “It’s one I plan to take you up on.”

Sighing, Rowan flopped against Gavin’s side, too tired to joke around. “You can do whatever you want to me,” she said, sighing again. “But tomorrow, once I’ve gotten some sleep.”

“Are you tired?” His voice softened.

“I feel like I could sleep for a week.”

“Alright, pumpkin,” he murmured, drawing her to his chest as they walked. “Let’s go home.”

***

Her memories of the rest of the night were hazy. Gavin coaxing her into the shower, helping her to wash the sweat from her body before wrapping her up in a soft towel and helping her into her favourite pajamas. Gavin tucking her beneath their blankets before cuddling up beside her, tucking her head beneath his chest.

Even her dreams were hazy, little more than splashes of colour melting together. The echo of a soft hum that warmed her heart dancing in the wind. Ocean waves lapping against the shore, reaching for her from where she stood.

Rowan awoke, her mind still hazy, to Gavin’s teeth nibbling her ear.

“Good morning,” he breathed, hands wrapping around her waist, his voice heady and warm.

“G’morning,” she mumbled, barely able to keep her eyes open.

“Sleep well?”

“Mmmm…”

She felt herself slipping into unconsciousness again, the draw of the blurry ocean and melting colours in her mind like a siren’s song.

“Don’t fall asleep,” he teased, running his hands along her sides. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’m sleeby,” she whined.

But she was starting to awaken more, becoming more and more aware of his hands on her sides. His hands at the waistband of her sleep shorts, toying with it idly.

“Rowan,” he breathed, drawing her focus.

“Hmm?” She peered up, catching his eyes as the shone gold. Her stomach twisted, heat pooling in her core. He looked so handsome; beautiful with his disheveled hair and his bright eyes.

“Do you remember what you promised last night?” He teased, slipping his hands up beneath her shirt.

She worried the inside of her cheek, heart lurching as the memory surfaced. “Yes.”

“That I can do whatever I want?”

She nodded, feeling breathless. “Yes.”

His hands trailed higher, stroking her sides. “I know what I want to do.”

“Then do it.”

She threaded her fingers in his hair as he gently pushed her onto her back, hands making quick work of her pajamas until she was bare beneath him.

“I love you,” you groaned, pressing fiery kisses to her throat. “I love you so much.”

She held him tighter, too distracted by his lips and his teeth and his hands to think of much else.

But as Gavin’s lips found hers, his hands tenderly spreading her thighs apart, a moment of clarity found her. A moment where she realized her heart no longer felt entirely empty.

She could still feel the cracks, feel where the shining joy still dripped through. And she could still feel the leaden fatigue in her body, craving nothing but the peace of oblivion.

But it wasn’t as heavy, and the cracks in her heart weren’t as big. Like all of Gavin’s efforts had helped her to heal, a salve to the wounds in her heart. A tonic to hasten her recovery.

She broke from his lips, her head falling back as she cupped his face. “Thank you.”

Gavin blinked, bemused. He chuckled awkwardly, raking a hand through his already mussed hair. “What are you thanking me for?”

“For helping me,” she said, voice soft as she stroked his cheeks. “For staying with me. For helping when I didn’t know what would work. For loving me.”

His expression softened, no longer shadowed by his desire as he leaned down to brush a chaste kiss to her lips. “I will always love you, Rowan. And I’ll always do everything I can to help you. To make you happy.”

“Being with you makes me happy.” Her voice was little more than a whisper, but it didn’t need to be. Her words weren’t for the wind to sweep away, they were for Gavin alone.

He chuckled, nuzzling against her cheek, his laughter ringing through her like song. “You might regret that by this evening.”

She frowned. “Why?”

He peeled away, sitting back on his legs as he stretched his arms skyward. “Because we’re still going to the gym tonight.”

“Oh Gavin no,” she whined, squirming from beneath him. “Can’t we do something else?”

“Nope,” he beamed, far too pleased with himself. “If yesterday helped, then going to the gym regularly will definitely help.”

She pouted, crossing her arms over her chest. “But I don’t want to!”

He tsked, taking her hands and prying them from her chest, lifting them above her head and pressing them to the pillows. “You said I could do anything I wanted.”

“Well- I didn’t mean- I meant more like-” She stumbled over her words, wriggling helplessly. “I meant like…”

He arched a brow. “Like what?”

He held her arms in one hand, reaching for something on the side-table that she couldn’t see. He made sure to keep whatever it was from her line of sight, although the telltale clink of metal as the cool cuffs were clasped around her wrists gave it away.

“Like this, maybe?” He teased, releasing her wrists.

She huffed, rolling her eyes. “Maybe.”

“Well you said I could do anything,” he continued, lowering his head to drag his teeth over where her pulse fluttered in her throat. “So I’m going to do this. And then we’re going to the gym tonight.”

“Fine,” Rowan conceded, feigning annoyance even as her toes curled from his ministrations.

“But if you’re very good I’ll go easy on you tonight.” His breath was hot as he trailed kisses below her collarbone. “And I’ll even give a treat.”

“Will it be something like this?” Her voice hitched as he dropped his mouth lower, writhing beneath his touch.

She could feel his smile against her skin. “Something very much like this.”

“Alright,” she said, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. “Do your worst, officer.”

His head rose, his smile verging on wicked. “I will.”

And Rowan laughed, his eyes and his smile and his teasing voice a melody in her heart. And she could feel the wounds that remained heal a little more, her heart a little more whole with every moment she shared with him.

#mlqc #gavin mlqc #bai qi #mlqc bai qi #gavin x mc #bai qi x mc #bai qi x reader #mlqc gavin bai #gavin x oc #star kissed winds

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lost-batarang · 1 year

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'Harvey Dent - Beginnings.' (8k Characters) (BruHarvey)

Bruharvey fic I'm working on. This'll be a slow-moving fanfic, just FYI. Try and update atleast weekly, but I've had some bad personal things going on recently and might not be able to update all the time. I'll reblog it every update.- And let me know if you find any spelling errors, I try to proofread but I'm not the best at it. Also Harvey's origin of two-face is very, very different due to the fact I'm unsure of how to write his current one in a way that's not absolute garbage.

Harvey readied his tie and brushed off the dust of his pristine, brand new brown suit he bought specifically for this event. "This'd be the one to win over Gotham." He said to himself. He walked down the stairs and headed towards the door, locking it as he leaves. He leaned against the brick walls of his ageing household as he waited for his ride to arrive. He reached for a cigarette, taking a lighter and cigarette from his pocket. He smoked for a while, before his ride reached him; an old friend promised to bring him to the event. Bruce Wayne promised. Bruce Wayne didn't make it. He was 'busy' with Wayne enterprises. Again. "Bloody hell. Is this what our damn relationship means to him? He can't even show up to my major event…Bruce, you poor sod." Harv thought to himself, a depressing feeling washing over him. He got in the black, sleek newly-bought car, a gift from Bruce, and told the driver the directions to the event. Halfway to their destination, Harvey asked the driver; "Hey. Did Bruce- How was Bruce busy? Y'know, with Wayne Enterprises." He said in a disappointed tone. "Busy? Bruce is always busy. We're not told how, or why, but he's always busy; But not busy with Wayne Enterprises." Replied the driver. "Not with- Bruce…What the fuck are you doing?" Harvey spoke, turning off the intercom, cutting of conversation between him and the driver as they arrived at their destination. Harvey left the car, tossing the driver some coins as he left. The coins didn't seem to be worth much- but they were vintage, and worth much more than what they seemed. Harv heads to the backstage, readying himself for his speech to the people of Gotham. Then, he heads off to speak. "People of Gotham city. Crime has been surging, with recent reports of twisted, sick, villains like 'Joker' committing horrendous crimes all over Gotham- But I want you, my people, to know one thing; Gotham will be safe. We will protect it. We will get past this- this blight on the city. Joker will be charged for his crimes, and likely killed for them. We're Gotham's children. We've been through worse than some clown fucker terrorizing the streets in a purple suit- We'll endure this. I know we will. It is of upmost importance to me that you all are safe, and I'd be willing to die to ensure your safety. Me and Bruce Wayne- wish he could've been here, but he had important business to attend to- have partnered together to create a project to rid Gotham of homelessness. To supply the struggling citizens of Gotham with food, water, and a place to sleep safely. For once, ol' Brucie is using his wealth to do something productive, am I right? Ha, still, Wayne Enterprises has been a massive help for Gotham, and I'm happy to collaborate with Bruce Wayne. And…That's all." Harvey said, the crowd of people cheering and clapping for him as he leaves and heads backstage yet again. He feels proud. Hasn't felt that in awhile, with the little progress all his projects were actually making. Still; there's hope for Gotham, and Harv isn't gonna stop until that hope is visible to all of the city.

Harvey called a taxi and headed back to his house, unlocking his door and changing into some more comfortable clothes- a simple, plain t-shirt and some trousers. He reached for his phone, and called Bruce Wayne. It went to voicemail. "Bruce, you bloody idiot…" He said under his breath, sighing. "Hey Bruce. If you get this message- uh, voicemail, I'd like to let you know that the speech went great. Would've been great if you could've made it, but hey- being a CEO must take up alot of your time nowadays. I was thinking maybe we could hangout- go for a coffee, sometime, like we used to. After all, if we're working on a project together, we may aswell get to know eachother better.- Speaking of the projects, our partner project isn't going so well. There's been interruptions- major ones. The homelessness project is gonna have to be delayed for longer- If we could get the Joker off the streets and into the grave, we could have a real shot of saving this city, Bruce. It's just…this city makes it so damn hard to love it. But I do. We do.- Or atleast, we're trying." Harvey left the voicemail, turning off his phone and microwaving a pasta for himself. He sat at his kitchen table and ate his pasta as a cool breeze washed over him; he'd left the window open. Again. "I'll close it later." Harv said to himself. He ate his pasta, threw the plate in his sink, and crashed onto his sofa, falling asleep. He's too tired to go to his actual bed. This'll do for now.

Harvey wakes from his sofa, and immediately goes to check his phone for a response from Bruce; he reaches the messages, and…nothing. Bruce hadn't even bothered to respond. "Fucking- Ugh, Damnit Bruce!" Harvey yelled, throwing his phone aside. He holds his head for a moment, breathing deeply to calm himself. He's going to meet Bruce and find out what the fuck he's been up to, even if it kills him. Harvey puts on his suit from yesterday's event, throws on some shoes, and leaves without even doing his tie. He forgets to lock the door, heading straight to call a taxi; going to Wayne manor. He'd always show up uninvited when him and Bruce were closer. Usually by sneaking through a window. Harvey smiles slightly, thinking of those fond memories, as his taxi arrives at the manor. Harvey's smile quickly fades as he sighs and heads to the door; he knocks, but no answer is given. Not even Alfred. "Alf?…You in there? I'm here to see Bruce." Harvey says to the door in a confused tone. "Everything okay in their, Alf? Bruce?" Harvey continues, beginning to worry. "I- I'm coming in." Harvey draws his gun from his suit pocket; a necessity when you're an important figure in Gotham. He shoots the lock, blasting the door open. "Bugger-" Harv says before firing, the gunshot alerting many in the area; although in Gotham, gunshots aren't usually something you should follow, or inform anyone about. Or you might be in more trouble than it's worth. Harvey barges into the manor, holding his gun close to his side. "Bruce?…Bruce, I don't want to intrude- but well, I'm intruding." He says as he steadily walks up the manor stairs, scanning the area as he walks pass. Then, he looks at the clock near the top of the stairs; the handles are stained with blood. Harv rushes over to them without a second thought, whispering to himself as he investigates the clock handles, "Aw Bruce…you better be okay, mate." He says, worried as he moves the clock handles just enough for the clock to move and reveal a new, hidden part of the manor. "Jesus- What the fuck is this?" Harvey says as he walks through the hidden entrance, and then begins to call for Bruce; "Bruce! Bruce, you okay!?" He cries out, just as Alfred walks past with his hand over an unmasked, injured Batman. "Bat- Bruce!? Bruce, what the fuck!?" Harvey yells, running over to Bruce. "Harvey, it's not what it-" Bruce tries to say, but Harvey cuts him off; "I know what it fucking is. This is why you've been busy, isn't it? You're the damn Batman? Bruce, you could've told me- we can do so much for this city with you as the Batman! You've been stronger than the GCPD, and more effective than any of our projects- This, Bruce, this is great!-" Harvey speaks, before Bruce interrupts him, "Harvey. Please, this needs to be a secret- I can't have you involved in this. You could get killed. This is dangerous work, and I don't want you getting involved." Bruce replies, Harvey stopping for a second. "Bruce, you- This, I'm already in dangerous business, Bruce! I'll respect your wishes, but please, consider working with me. We can do so much for this dying city if you'll just listen!" He says, leaving the batcave. "But I'll respect your wishes, as a favour to an old friend." Harvey heads out of the manor, returning to his house. He collapses on the sofa yet again, and falls asleep after a couple minutes of screaming into a pillow and trying to process what happened- and what he could've said better.

#bruharvey #bruce wayne #batman #harvey dent #two face #two-face #batman x two face #bruce wayne x harvey dent #fanfic #fanfiction #batman fanfiction #dc fanfiction #not entirely whether robin exists in this fic yet- probably not but not sure yet.

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nickgerlich · 1 year

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Get Ready To Shop

It’s fun to think back to the 80s. While it seems like they weren’t that long ago, we must sober up and realize that was—um—40 years ago, depending on which year you’re recalling. Those were good years for me. I earned a BA, MBA, and PhD, and started my job at WT. Oh, and got married the first time. OK, four out of five ain’t bad.  

It was the time of hair bands, women in colorful leotards and cozy leg warmers, and Ronald Reagan. Actually, if you could mash up all of them into one, it would be pretty funny. And it was also the decade that televised home shopping clubs took root, thanks to the prevalence of cable TV.  

Home Shopping Club (later Home Shopping Network, or HSN) was founded in 1982, and four years later, QVC (Quality Value Convenience) came along to compete. They’re both still in existence today, although the company that owns QVC now also owns HSN. It’s an alphabet soup, but the premise is the same: nonstop 24/7 live selling.  

While these started out primarily as liquidators, they quickly grew into a variety of categories, especially clothing and accessories sought by women. Fashion designers jumped on board, drooling at the prospects of a sales platform that could stretch as long as the company wanted. Create excitement, show a quantity available countdown clock, and voilá! The phones were ringing off the hook as folks called in (remember, this was pre-internet!).

To be honest, I think those original stations preyed upon lonely old women. My mother was one of them. She bought a lot of worthless junk from them, but at the same time, they provided entertainment. For the life of me, I cannot understand how having someone sell to you nonstop is entertaining, but it was.

I never tuned in to those stations on my own, but would be subjected to them whenever we visited Florida. And now that both are gone, I haven’t even given a passing thought to them. Well, until right now, when I discovered that livestream shopping may be the new rage, and outlets like Amazon, TikTok, and YouTube are actually banking on them.

It’s a new spin on an old idea, and looks and feels a lot different from the 24/7 onslaught on cable. This time around the people doing the selling are influencers, and they call the shots for when they go live. And among the three platforms duking it out for prominence, only Amazon can actually stock the inventory and make for seamless transactions.

All of which means that, if you are a fan and potential customer of someone you follow, you better be ready to go shopping whenever they pull the trigger. In some regards, this now sounds like BeReal, in which users have no control over when they are called to action.

Perhaps the most ironic aspect of livestream shopping is that it became a “thing” in China a few years ago, especially during the pandemic. And while Amazon found it could not export its ways to China, the opposite may very well prove to be true here. Looks like another weather balloon to me.

Personally, I’m just not that much of a shopper. I tend to be very purposive, having done my homework for a long time on pricey objects, saving my money, and waiting out the periodic sales. I do not, however, respond well to someone barking out orders and telling me to get on this.

But then again, it may very well work stateside, where I suspect the demographics will trend sharply toward Gen-Z, and, depending on the product categories, probably more female than male. I cannot speak for all of the people of my gender, but I’ve got too many things going on during my waking hours to even consider being on-call for a sale. That’s me, though. YMMV. And to be fair, I can’t picture many women beyond their 20s—working, with children, bills to pay, spouses or partners—yeah, this may be a non-starter with them as well.  

Thankfully, online shopping and app usage is lowest among seniors, so people like my mother are probably not in the new target market. Otherwise, we might see history repeating itself.  Just leave the bad clothing in your closet.

Dr “Hard Pass“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

#marketing #livestream #shopping #Amazon #TikTok #YouTube

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luxlucis3 · 1 year

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Lifestyle the Luxury Life

At present, just about any job may be possible from home: from artwork design, financial study to trading. Not long ago a friend of my verizon prepaid phone suggested we perform neurolinguistic programming (NLP) session on Skype. I was floored that her purchasers were buying the products and services she would provide via the internet rather than in-person, which might cost more.

Globalisation has undoubtedly adjusted our lives: this languages we connect, the food we consume, the way we attire and even the way you work. I can have Casablanca, deliver modules in a local or even and deal with this London clients. I'm also able to work with my organization a bit everywhere in the society and coordinate functions or content for ones Leader World. Much of our managing editor is reliant in Virginia, NORTH AMERICA, but this doesn't necessarily stop us out of communicating and consistently thinking, creating together with sharing…

Communications possess definitely been one of the many drivers of this cutting edge way of working and additionally living. Phone in addition to Internet make much of our lives much easier. Along with VoIP broke completely new groups of working with openness and mobility concurrently. Recently, I provided a lecture to be able to American students inside Kansas, in between get together in London along with through my computer at the British Catalogue. They didn't find out where I ended up being until the moderator questioned.

Timothy Ferriss is right to write to the cover of her book 'Escape your 9-5. Live at any place. And join the revolutionary rich. ' My partner and i was never a good fan of in offices. I usually felt suffocated.

I recall myself complaining together with my mom indicating me that 'it was life and this I would get used to this eventually. ' We knew that was possibly not for me. I had to bring about my own job and additionally choose where I needed to work. In other words, become free to work exactly where I wanted to. Nowadays, with a laptop as well as a phone line, I will work from almost anyplace. I still didn't managed to work solely 4 hours in one week like Ferriss advocated, but I am not really complaining.

At times 'I am at home' can make people believe I mean 'I here's free', but it is really certainly not the case. At times I also think about what the concierge of the building is required to be thinking, seeing your car in the car lot not push for days in addition to wondering how I will stay in for that long without stepping out and about. He must think that I have inherited some bucks or won a lottery.

The reality is various because working from home would not exactly mean watching youtube and being bought doing that. I actually still have to juggle many things at the same time: seminar calls, emails, records, reading, writing and many thinking… Sometimes I may have to do all that along with worry about doing a lot of housework too. Even so the advantages of working from home tend to be countless. I can take pleasure in being with a loved ones while being employed and also eat selfmade healthy food, which isn't actually always the case the moment eating out.

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aloctx · 1 year

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Friends with(out) benefits

When I think about and try to process the events of that night, I see a supercut of all the good times we had together. Us in the kitchen of my first apartment, surrounded by all of our friends. I bought so much beer and alcohol for someone who doesn't drink much but I was celebrating finally having a home to call my own. Your first solo apartment is a big deal! I think about you sneaking me a kiss in my laundry room because nobody knew we liked to kiss, even though I’m more than sure everyone could see the chemistry. I think about high school and how you were alway cracking jokes and making everyone around you laugh. I think about your baby face, pink lips, and always-dazed stare and it's almost romantic. I quickly snap out of it and my stomach starts to turn and the butterflies turn into bubbles. A swarm of feelings inundate me along with guilt and a physical feeling in my stomach which turns it sour. My brain forces me to remember the highlights instead of the lows like the substance abuse, the money that only came from mommy and daddy, the calls your ex girlfriend made to harass me and your laughing in the background. Why aren’t those memories front and center? Why does my subconscious root for you every time?

All I can remember is that I can’t actually remember who I was the day after it happened. I woke up nauseous, hung over, and the owner of a new and not-improved brain. I was even lucky enough to block ‘the event’ from my brain for months, no, years actually. I didn’t even call it sexual assault until the first person I told pointed it out — “What do you mean they were having sex with you while you were unconscious? You mean while they raped you???” — and calling it what it was for the first time, rape, was out of the question. I’d get a brief flashback, like dejavu, every time I smelled Tequila or heard your name but it was tucked away so deep to try to keep myself safe that I didn’t even realize how much damage it was doing and had already done. The wound was festering and I had a bright pink bandaid on that section of my memory to avoid making sense of it further.

‘Oh, I don't drink’. ‘I HATE the taste of alcohol.’, ‘I’m taking some sober time for my health.’. I adapted and learned to perfect my excuse as to why I couldn’t partake in something so natural for someone in their 20’s having fun. I’m 30 years old now and my stomach still turns when I attempt to take a sip of anything that might inebriate me. For a long time, I thought maybe I just didn’t like alcohol or that I was allergic or that I just wasn’t as cool as I wanted to be. Time and tests have proven those conclusions wrong. I like to drink, I like the feeling of being a completely lucid version of my true being, but I don’t like being out of control. This doesn't mean I'm afraid of it becoming a problematic vice, because trust me, I've tried to develop problematic vices time and time again to no avail. (Honorable mentions to cocaine, nicotine, and weed.) Take for instance, if I’m surrounded by people I completely trust like my family or my partner, I can drink and get drunk and feel fine the next day. If I’m out at a bar or with people I'm only acquaintances or somewhat friendly with, forget it. The moment I take a sip of alcohol, I feel physically ill. My brain triggers my body to say ‘STOP, WE ARE IN DANGER!’, and I give up without even thinking about it twice. I try this every time without any success but I’m able to down 6 gin and tonics when it’s my partner taking care of me and my fragile brain.

I remember waking up, naked while you penetrated me. Covered in your bodily fluids with a phone camera pointed at my unconscious body. ‘How did I get so drunk?’. For how physical the situation was, it very much felt like an out-of-body experience. It felt like I was watching as a third party behind two-way glass. No matter how hard I yelled or pounded on the glass for it to stop, nobody could hear me. When my brain found a connection back to my physical body, I asked you to stop. It was so difficult to open my heavy eyes. When I did, I asked you to stop again. I remember being way too calm, like I didn’t want to embarrass you. You looked startled, like a deer caught in headlights. I gathered all my physical and mental strength and lunged up towards you and your phone. ‘STOP IT! I NEED YOU TO STOP.’ I remember you apologizing profusely. ‘IM SORRY I'M SORRY I'M DELETING IT NOW I'M SORRY.’ You gathered your things and left. That’s all I remember. That’s all I remember now. The next morning, I woke up, showered, and just pretended nothing happened because that would never happen to me? In my home? At my birthday party? With someone I had willingly slept with before? ‘Nope, it didn't happen. Just a fucked up dream.’. It’s been almost a decade and I still deal with the events of that night every time I want to unwind and have a drink.

I’ve been open about my experience now that I’ve been able to accept that it happened to me. Most of the time, my story is received with love and support and empathy. Other times, it's met with questions, questions I don’t like too much. ‘Why didn’t you report it?’, ‘Why did you wait so long?’, ‘Maybe you consented before you passed out?’, ‘What's the big deal, weren’t you guys sleeping together anyways?’. I’ve stopped humoring most of these questions and using them as a way to weed out who does and does not have a place in my life. Those who are truly curious automatically or through a brief explanation understand why. I’m going to therapy, reading self help books, taking care of my physical health, and doing everything in my power to continue not letting this sexual assault define me but it will forever be a part of my story. The writing has helped my healing process. I’ve written a poem about it as well and every year, I’m able to make strides towards letting it be part of my narrative without having to necessarily accept it. Processing the trauma will forever be part of my narrative but I don’t have to accept it. I mean, who would? My mom would blame it on me being stubborn and that’s probably a part of it. The truth is, I choose to only accept the good and the bad that has helped shape me. This experience helped change me, but it changed me into a more sheltered and cautious version of who I prefer to be, hence, I do not accept it. I’m sure I will someday, but for now, I’m happy with just sharing my story.

#healing #personal essay #sexualassault #ptsd

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ortegawqawestergaard · 2 years

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My personal Experience With Burnham Boilers

I had purchased Burnham Boilers recently plus its the very best residential warm water central heating boiler around on the market right now. Not long before I had certainly not realized this level. I was utilising an old and some sort of bulky boiler. Of which gave me many problems consisting of huge expenses and frequent malfunctions. Winters can become really disastrous. During winter, we face several problems. Coldness may be the major problem one has to face throughout winter. I as well have my present of problems in order to list down. One major problem that I actually faced is the fact that whenever I bath, the water suddenly turns cold. Can you think about how that sensation would be? Thanks to my old furnace which is quite inefficient. Furthermore, I was forced to pay out huge power bills. That's when I continued a search to be able to find a high efficiency furnace. I was very glad that I actually found Burnham industrial boilers. It absolutely changed my life. The best point that I like about Burnham commercial boilers is that My partner and i never have to be able to fear cold baths anymore in my life. That works very rapidly that when I turn on the faucet, it's always hot! I might never have to wait few moment before enjoying a new warm morning bath. Burnham Boilers happen to be extremely efficient. This means that it makes employ of electricity proficiently. This greatly aided to lower my electricity bill. It's impossible to reduce the expense per unit associated with electricity. That's the reason why we have to use the electricity smartly. Let me explain. All electrical appliances possess a percentage regarding efficiency level. The percentage indicates just how well it could convert the power energy into valuable energy. The other percent of energy is definitely wasted in other types of energy many of these as sound, light-weight and heat. Heat is a by-product of almost every electrical appliance. When electrical appliances like as music players and mobile phones produce heat energy, that is considered as wasted energy. This specific is because heat energy produced throughout very good music player and cell phones are certainly not being used for virtually any purpose. Thus, one of the almost all wasted energy in electrical appliances is heat energy. Yet, this is simply not the exact same case for Central heating boiler used for residence heating. Actually Warmth energy is definitely a vitality utilized by the boilers to offer warmth in our own houses. Thus, home boilers normally have some sort of high electrical efficiency. But to attain that very efficient, the particular boiler ought to be produced in a way that maximizes the particular electrical input. Burnham boilers are made in that method. They can be made found in America with good good quality metals that boost the useful outcome of electricity. Cost effective electrical appliances for example Burnham boilers are good for reducing your utility bill but they would also release the necessity for electricity from the equivalent of twenty-five large power plant life according to typically the American Council. Most that we want to do will be to increases the energy-efficiency in our own major appliances simply by 10 to thirty. Burnham Boilers can easily help you achieve just that. Other difficulty which i faced using my old boiler is that I was spending a great deal of time frame maintaining it. Every month it gave us a fresh problem. Inside https://www.qualityfurnacerepair.com manage the upkeep fee exceeded the price price that I bought the boiler for. Can you imagine precisely how much frustration I actually would have gone through? That's as well a reason for me personally to lookout with regard to another Hydronic boiler. Due to my Burnham boilers, I avoid have spent a new great fortune working and maintaining that. In fact, I actually had not faced any problem using my Burnham boiler yet.

Excellent lengthy list of good factors to speak about burnham boilers but you will discover handful of hiccups too! 1st, it comes using a hefty cost tag. Its pricey price tag manufactured me initially to consider other boilers. But I feel very glad that I have particular Burnham Boiler. Also though you may well have a doubt to buy typically the Burnham boilers initially for its cost, it will be compensated by the proven fact that that requires little in order to no maintenance. When it's properly set up, it will certainly benefit a long time to are available. Speaking about setting up the boiler, I actually have to confess the process acquired been tedious in addition to complicated for me personally. Although with the customer support from Burnham Commercial, I has been able to set up the boiler the proper way. I have observed a lot of people who grumble that they can did not necessarily get any true value from Burnham boilers. They complain that it stopped working, did not work for a very long time plus the warmth that provided was not really enough. All this particular will only happen if you include failed to established the device appropriately. So , please perform not make use of this lightly. Take careful actions in setting way up your Burnham central heating boiler.

#Furnace Repair Service

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coatframe4 · 2 years

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Vanish Stain Remove Liquid 4l

Vanish Gold Oxi Action Powder is a safe and effective stain remover on even the toughest stains. I used to use Vanish years ago but found it wasn't that good. I switched to another brand which I liked but then it stopped being made!

Product works effectively on stains and being in a hand size easy to use. Find plastic brush gets product into fibres of material to get at stain. This is a fantastic safe product and removes stains very well.

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Both of my children seem to be messy eaters and the collection of food covered, stained clothes at the end of each week is often rather ridiculous.

However, when left to dry for 24 hours all of the stains were completely removed, which was a great result.

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Lincoln Stain Remover

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Household & Cleaning

That’s why we’ve taken the time to narrow the seemingly never-ending list down to the top seven best options for you to choose from. The couple both fell seriously ill within minutes of ingesting the Vanish gold oxi action powder and were taken to hospital. An elderly dementia sufferer died after he mistakenly used poisonous fabric stain remover granules instead of instant coffee, an inquest has found. Vanish Pre-Wash Stain Remover Spray removes the stains and grime that some detergents can leave behind. Penetrating deep into the fibres to break down even the toughest stains, cutting through grime and grease. Designed to effectively pre-treat stains before washing. Seems to do the trick with ds's tomatoey stained clothing. A fast-acting stain remover that lifts stain easily with its powerful formula. This stand-out product is Ace Gentle Stain Remover. For particularly tough stains, you can pre-treat the area by rubbing some of the product into the stain and leaving it for around five minutes. It is not advisable to pre-treat rust stains, don’t leave the product for long enough that it dries, and be sure not to expose it to sunlight.

#vanish stain removers

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unloved-cadillac · 2 years

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Gogo seeing his s/o take care of megumi?

Thank you

C/n: love this. Thanks for requesting and I hope that you enjoy🤍

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A New Journey. (Gojo x Reader)

“Do you, Gojo Satoru, swear to take care of this child and do your best in providing and protecting him?”

“Yes I do!”

~~~~

Megumi walks back to his apartment when he encounters the white-haired man who is Gojo. He had four packets filled with goodies and he takes Megumi in the house. “Where’s Y/n?” Megumi asks as Gojo sets up the table. “On her way.”

“Are you going to propose any time soon?” Megumi asks and Gojo chokes on his spit. “What? Dude, I’m 20. I don’t even know the meaning of the word yet.” Gojo say and Megumi sighs. “You must be pretty stupid then.” “H e y!”

“I’m here!” Your voice runs through the house as you walk inside after taking off your shoes. “Right on time, Y/n. Got the cake?” He asks and you hold up the packet. “Right here. Hi, Megalodon.” You greet the kid and he rolls his eyes. “I’m not a shark.” You laugh as you ruffle his hair. “Tell your hair that.” You kiss the top of his head and unpack the cake.

The three of you have a lovely party, eating junk food, playing games then Megumi goes to lounge and turns on the TV and his PlayStation. “Oh! Megs, I got another gift for you.” You say as you get your bag. Megumi looks intently as you dig in your bag looking for it. You pull out a packet and give it to him.

He opens it and takes out a game. “Street Fighter vs Tekken?! Thanks, Y/n!” He says and hugs you. It was very rare for Megumi to display physical affection so you basked in this moment by holding onto him. “You’re welcome, sweetheart.” You kiss his cheek and he goes to insert the disk. You tilt your head as you look at Megumi’s shirt. “Oh, Megs.” You say and he looks at you. “Huh?” “Come here.”

He walks to you and you shake your head while you dust his shirt. “You got cake on your favorite shirt. Come let me put this in the washing. Take it off. Let me get you a new one.” You say and you take his shirt and go to the washroom to put it in the machine and you brought another for him. He puts it on and sits on the couch. “Can I play too?” You ask and he nods. He gets up and hands you a controller.

Gojo watches the two of you and something in him blossoms. A feeling which he knew he would feel one day, and he knew he would feel it with you. Gojo heads upstairs quietly and opens his safe to look at the ring he bought a few months ago and he smiles to himself. When the time is right, he thinks. Closing it and heading back downstairs he hears you and Megumi scream at the TV.

“COME ON KING! GET HIM!” You shout. “GO JIN, GO!” Megumi yells and the sound of buttons being brutally pressed were heard. “Jeez, what’s going on here? You guys don’t even yell at me like that.” He says as he sits next to you.

“If you were not listening to me like how King is then yeah, I might.” You say and nudge Gojo. “I’ll verse whoever wins.” Gojo says and that’s how the night went. Taking turns playing then changing it to Netflix where Megumi fell asleep on your lap. You look at Gojo and he looks at Megumi. “I should be on your lap.” He whispers and you rolls your eyes as you smile. Gojo gets up and puts a blanket on Megumi and pulls out his phone to take a quick photo of the two most important people in his life.

Gojo returns to his spot next to you and you lean on him. He kisses your cheek. “I think you’ll be a great mom, Y/n.” He whispers and you look at him. “You think so?” He nods. “I want to keep you as mine forever. I promise I’ll keep you and Megumi safe for as long as I breathe. Today just made me so happy. I love you, Y/n.” He smiles and you kiss his lips. “I love you too.”

You cuddle into Gojo as he wraps an arm around you and rests it on Megumi. This journey of parenthood came a little early for the both of you. But with an amazing partner and amazing boy like Megumi, how hard could it be?

——————————————————————————

“Dad Gojo is my favorite Gojo. Next to pussy slayer.”

🖤🤍Thanks for reading🤍🖤

-Caddy.

#gojo x reader #jujutsu kaisen gojo #saturo gojo #gojo satoru #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jjk gojo #fushiguro megumi #jujutsu kaisen #gojo satoru x reader

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