sheshirkat

[sheshirkat]

The blood shreads the skin / that shreads the body / that shreads the mind / the creature's tongue licks the blood / that drips down its bone broken legs / its tired demeanor leads him to bed

and he sighs, slowly, reaching for a touch of soul that never comes.

when did you realise you weren't human anymore ?

when did you speak your name in your own voice ?

- c. m.d

#writing #writeblr #write #writer #spilled writing #my poetry #poetry #poets on tumblr #poets #spilled poetry

[sheshirkat]

Tumblr is so funny to me because everywhere else drama and new movies and political subjects be trending and then here the candles are thriving - just vibing around making a trend 💫

#tumblr #tumblr trends #candles

[sheshirkat]

Drarry fic rec (one of the best in my opinion) :

Temptation on the warfront by alizarincrims0n

Draco Malfoy is forced into hiding with the Golden Trio and dragged into their search for horcruxes. What ensues is a journey of redemption, unexpected friendships and an unwanted, turbulent romance with Harry Potter. Warnings for swearing, sexual content, and dark themes.

Review : i read it a while back so i shoul re-read it for further in-depth review but definitely one of the best fics in all fandoms i've ever read. Very dark themes very intense and very beautiful and a love so deep. Character development and analysis is fUCKING GOLDEN in this fic, the discovery of intimacy and caring about someone is so soft in a very harsh environment and god. This fic made me feel things i've never felt reading a fic and will always be one of my faves, on my top 3 definitely. Would recommend if you have time to read it and the headspace for it because i guarantee at some point you cannot do anything else than wanting to know what happens next and being genuinely impacted by it. I've cried so much and I wanted to express how it has impacted me for days. Its a pointy murderous needle in the heart and a soft and warm cuddle in front of the fire place all at once.

#drarry #draco x harry #drarry fanfiction #drarry fic rec #drarry fanfic #draco malfoy #harry potter #fuck jkr #make hp queerer every day #draco malfoy x harry potter

[sheshirkat]

I get your point but disagree mostly, yup he has to be held accountable and fanfiction is allowed to be silly and not go in depth i do like that too but I get its unsettling to see how easily he can just be a poor kid without all the mechanism behind that explained and him actively making a change and stuff.

I would like to counter a few points though, and I'm sorry if it sounds rude it's not intentional, english is not my first langage and I'm also tired and messy lmao. I do get your point of view though

who are the members of his family with the same ressources? Sirius black? Who had a younger brother, been through abuse (not king-child like draco, which is also another form of abuse but other subject, just its different consequences to the abuse), was sorted into gryffindor and had friends from different backgrounds to help him discover other things? Andromeda tonks? We don't have information on how she ended up meeting a muggle man and falling in love. Who did she meet? Who were her friends? That plays too.

It stops being the parent's fault when getting older to me. It's still wild to me that so many people still hate on draco and wants to hold him accountable and very very guilty but absolve snape who was an older man and an absolute creep who had no problems marching on his crush's husband corpse to hold his crush's dead body in his arms when she wanted nothing to do with him because he was racist towards her and then bully her son he already didnt care if he lived or die when she was still alive. Snape was an half blood tho, and wasnt raised in prejudice. He was brainwashed by a cult too and in the end we don't actually know if he was de-brainwashed, or if he was just obsessed with lily. But yet, almost the entierety of the fandom is at his feet but he was a grown ass man when he decided to take out his anger and pain on kids.

Draco, on the other hand, was raised to believe those things from the start and we see the decline of his mental health divided in two steps : 1. Voldemort is still a great mind in his head, a far away figure his parents showed him as a saviour and a great man 2. He meets that far away figure and starts being proud of doing things for him, but very quickly, as voldemort places his quarters where his parents lives, and the task at hand becomes impossible by the fact that it is inhumane, he reeks of depression and unwilligness as he bares witness to the truth of it and not the fantasy his parents and pureblood society built around voldemort; you can see the differences between obeying by fear and obeying by enthusiasm. Draco to me couldve ended up kinda like peter, peter is at voldemort's service but he cowers and is terrified, whereas bellatrix, even lucius, or other death eaters such as those "rafleurs" (dont know the term in english, the dudes taking away people in DH to bring them to voldemort and other death eaters) are actively proud and keep on being proud, and their ideals are in the very same spot as voldemort's.

The links with his parents who spoiled him (hence the comparison with sirius, who was spoiled but also blatantly abused and didnt hold sympathy for his parents) also plays in all that; leaving the dark side means leaving his parents - and then there's also the in depth analysis in house rivalry and slytherin house diabolisation that leads to ambitious kids being considered as nothing more than potential future baby nazis. He also does hesitate in the final battle before joining back his parents after harry's "death" and in DH he does pretend not to recognize harry in the manor.

I'm not sure I agree about what you're saying about the real world. Yes there's accountability in the sense that those people need to understand that what they're doing is wrong. But there's also a lot of mecanisms in place to insure those institutional beliefs and opression systems stays in place. Opression is systemic and cults are based on taking advantage of people fears and weaknesses (midsommar is very interesting about that). Take masculinists, virilists for example. A 15 year old kid who's bullied at school and isn't liked by girls will follow first with the intention of becoming more of a man who will be well liked. He can then be closeted in this area where people think that way, also because of social media algorythms and surrounding yourself with people who think like you, and not look elsewhere (the movie suicide room is also great to show how you can sink into a community that is toxic for you). And if he doesnt get an opportunity, some kind of shock or something, next thing you know he's making masculinist videos. Not saying he's not responsible and not doing terrible things, at some point you also have to question yourself and your beliefs; unlike jk rowling, who's transphobic and when people said - hey maybe you're wrong, she just became so much more transphobic and more and more and....without ever question herself. And she's a grown woman.

Also sometimes someone has to offer you a hand - yes dumbledore does it but at that point theres also death eaters behind draco, dumbledore is a figure of authority draco has absolutely no reason to trust especially because he encourage the beliefs that slytherin is a house that breeds criminals - when everyone tells you you're gonna be a nazi anyway, even the good people, the good side, and that you're iredeemable since you were 11 years old, how do you trust the people that put the system that told you that in the first place? I'm very interested in what wouldve happen in the bathroom scene had harry not cast sectumsempra. Snape could have also given him an out, seeing as he was a double agent, but snape and dumbledore had an agenda for the ending the war where kids were pawns and maybe it would have jeopardize his statuts as double agent but still. He couldve done more than kill dumbledore to protect draco.

Also, responsability and blame are often associated but they shouldnt be. Blaming yourself often leads to apathy, sadness, depression...and to take responsability is to act actively to not do the same mistakes, to be better. When you reek of blame it is really hard to take responsability. Its therapy and conscious interior work. I do love fanfiction where draco's healing in his own terms, going into the muggle world, trying to actively unlearn predujice...the more radical i've read is one where he becomes an activist with other former wizards and witches living in the muggle world refusing to use magic in protest to the ministry laws separating muggles and wizards/witches (the thing is complicated and long to explain but basically harry post war signs random stuff because he needs someone to tell him what to do and that its the right thing but its actually shit for the muggle/wiccan community outside of the little hogwarts-ministry-hogsmead world and draco and his friends are against that, and then harry joins)

Well anyway im tired and going to sleep but i think draco's character is very interesting about the mecanism of hate and opression and how it is learned and also institutionalised, the mechanism of a cult not that far than the mechanism of fascism political parties. while not saying he is completely absolved of responsability, he was indeed a bully and did torture people. It's just immensely more complex to me than "he was just a kid lets forgive him" or "he has responsability and has to spend his whole life reparing his mistakes"

the people who think redeeming draco is as easy as acknowledging that he is/was a child are lazy and wrong

yes, draco was a child

yes, draco was, to an extent, brainwashed to believe certain things

but neither one of those facts absolves him of his choices

if it's not draco's fault for being a homicidal racist, then it's his parents' -- the adults -- fault. but at what point does it stop being narcissa/lucius' fault and become their parents' fault?

at some point draco must become responsible for his actions, and removing that responsibility is a disservice to both him and his victims

in the real world, racist teenagers are responsible for their racism, homophobic teens are responsible for their homophobia, etc. because they are exposed to alternative points of view. it is their responsibility to seek out knowledge and inform their opinions.

had draco been trapped at the manor for his entire existence, then maybe he could be viewed as blameless. but there were members of his own family who, having the same tools, access to resource and experiences, left pureblood society

this isn't to say he's irredeemable. he was in a cult, and he was a child exposed to and made to do horrible things.

he is capable of making his wrongs right, but he isn't owed forgiveness or absolution. he isn't even owed a second chance.

(this post is tempered by the knowledge that fanfiction is allowed to be silly and straight forward. but serious attempts to redeem draco cannot rely on his age)

#draco malfoy #harry potter #fuck jkr #drarry #harco #death eaters #character analysis #malfoy #power dynamics

[sheshirkat]

I yearn for post-war slow burn pining long shot or 10-20 chapters drarry fics with deep sex and healing and tenderness and very enthusiastic consent and pINING (also, do we love a pining draco and a pining completely obvious and late to realise harry? YES). If you have recs please send. Just read the brightest constellations of our souls by thecouchsofa which has a FUCKING ROAD TRIP ennemies to friends to lovers is so slow burn tender and sweet material i stan. Anyways

#drarry #just read a drarry fic xoxo #drarry fanfic #drarry fanfiction #draco malfoy #harry potter #draco x harry #fic rec #drarry fic rec

[sheshirkat]

Honestly jojo siwa needs a therapist. If the allegations are true about the abuse on her show with her mom and how she's defending problematic and abusive people, (which actually makes sense, a lot of of ppl who were groomed and abused into the industry as kids end up defending the very thing that hurt them, like maiwenn with luc besson or vanessa paradis with johnny depp), i'm just sad for her tbh. She's very self centered and there's a lot of different reasons to hate on her honestly, besides the cringey rebrand thing which well, is also normal considering how she grew up. Claiming to "invent" gay pop when queer artists have been around for centuries and gay pop is not a new thing at all shows how very little interest she actually has in queer culture and is only interested about broadcasting herself which, i mean everybody feels differently about that but personally, as a queer person i just find her behaviour insulting. Also seeing an interview clip where she says she wants kids soon is very terrifying for her future kids. Tho not judging her too harsh because she's defo still a kid that was mistreated by the industry, and there's probably a lot of homophobes hating on her; still, she needs therapy and help I think. Just thoughts, seeing jojo siwa so much about all that lately, I'm sad for her but also about the influence she has and the, again in my point of view, blatant disrespect of queer culture.

The anti Jojo siwa frankly homophobic social contagion is making me rage out. It's literally just because she's an arrogant (positive) dyke which she has been giving since she was like twelve or whatever. It's fucking stupid. She didn't do anything to you but be a confident lesbian. The general public cannot even begin to imagine what it's like to be a child star constrained by your brand and the only move to be to pivot to a new brand (which probably is still being managed!) she is genuinely really talented. the allegations against her abusive momager (btw who do you think was the primary recipient of that behavior) being used as an excuse to mock her style, her DYKE VOICE, the lesbian sexuality in the new video... it's fucking insane. I don't usually get worked up about pop culture but it's just literally blatantly homophobic. Mnot liking the song or video is not what I'm talking about. Certainly anyone reading this in good faith who's been following the response can ascertain what I do mean

#jojo siwa #music industry #karma #queer culture #is #fucking huge

[sheshirkat]

sexual thought/poetry on lost love

hands in between the lace tracing patterns onto my skin, etched by your long, slim fingers inside of me, on the outside of me, onto the hollow of my hips, my v line and my cunt.

- random thoughts about you (it's been months and i still feel you)

[sheshirkat]

People after i've read a poem : oh wow your vocabulary's so rich what does this means

Me when write : *whispers* what the fuck

#writing #write #writeblr #writer #poetry #poets on tumblr #poets #writing experience #creative process

[sheshirkat]

Enemies to lovers calling each other by their first names. Always does it. Never gets old. Prime literature.

#ships #fanfiction #ennemies to lovers #tropes #gets me every time #just read a drarry fic xoxo #it was great #anyone read temptation on the warfront btw? #read it few months back #fucked my head up

[sheshirkat]

oHmYGOD. Perfect.

What is life? What is love? Does it sing to you from above, flying high on delicate wings and whispering sweet little nothings.

What is death? What is pain? Does it drag you to the latest train, sharp screeches from a rusty metal track, a loney figure watches the day turn to black.

What is existence if not submerging in each heavy instance.

#writeblr #27paperlilies #writing community #writing #poetry #writblr #poems and poetry #poems on tumblr #spilled ink #poem #poets on tumblr #original poem

[sheshirkat]

Okay so autism rant; first things first I'm undiagnosed, will try to see a good psychiatrist because so far its been hard being diagnosed for anything because I have shit loads of trauma and its hard to detect anything just in case its been trauma induced. Though i do have the instinct since very long i dont see the world like neurotypical people do and have shit lots of trouble adapting. I considered adhd, ocd, borderline...but the thing that regroups really most of my "symptoms" is autism and while talking to actually autistic people I found that I relate to a lot of things. Took the aspic test too went up to 145. Idk whatever.

My mom says I wasnt that way as a kid and since its something that you are since childhood it would be weird but she also thinks I might be HPI which from what I understand is really close to autism in many ways.

My theory is that maybe if I "wasn't like that" as a kid its because I was like that, but never learned how to mask. I grew up in a hippie household, between countryside and travels in India and my mom was so fucking sweet and encouraging towards everything. I was allowed my place to play and invent and to believe - she wanted my to really be a kid fully and I believed in fairies and a lot of things hardcore and she encouraged it and still does. I wanted to be a writer (still do) and never once did she tell me it wasnt possible or anything. I felt I was different at school, not really understanding the "we're friends and then we arent anymore" part of childhood and having had incredibly deep friendships for that age; I always preferred one on one time even then and felt a bit weird in groups. But I hung out a lot with adults, friends of my mom's and I created a lot and was allowed to express myself, even when I was crying or angry. So i never learned how to mask maybe because it didn't occur to my mom to tell me to stop doing certain things and on the contrary she encouraged me to be me because to her just being highly sensitive especially to nature and being expressive and HERE a lot (i was a very active kid) was okay I just was me. And then I started middle school and that was completely wtf. New social codes, now having good grades wasn't cool and I was bullied and then there was the popular girl things and the sexual harrasment (weird middle school). And then I went through high school in the city. And then adulting. And I only feel at ease and myself, truly, in nature bc i dont have to conform.

I have no idea how to conform it hurts me deeply to do so. Had an apprenticeship in animation for kids, worked 9am - 6pm the people forming us were treating us like shit and we, the apprentices all agreed on that but it seemed so easy for the others to just go along and fake it they were like "well we dont have a choice and its over soon so whatever" when personnally I couldnt eat, had panic attacks almost every evening, vomited in the morning.... i'm good at face keeping, like I can cry and the next moment act like im really happy and eager but it terribly hurts me to do so it tires me and while my smile expands my brain is shooting fucking explosions and I hate it.

So yeah. If I'm autistic I just didn't learn how to mask as a kid and when I try to even when necessary it kills me and I can't maintain it long term anyway. Its like with exams at university. I can be efficient as fuck but I'm not good at playing like its easy like I'll be hyper snappy and sometimes rude and tired and cant keep up with basic shit like eating or teeth brushing. The only job/shit life shit where you have to mask i felt a bit at ease with was last year in an animation center for kids cause the colleages were super sweet and there was this thing like the boss told us - we have kids we're very responsible and we show nothing if we're distressed in front of kids and parents but together we can take a time together at the end of the day to debrief and let go and if we're having a rough day we can say it arriving in the morning and help each other during the day. That shit was honest and real and i feel fucking lucky i experienced that.

#actually autistic #autism #research of diagnosis #undiagnosed autism

[sheshirkat]

But the words you employ - seduce me into empowerment of the grave; shit, tell me again

How my words made you lose your panties

Please tell me again

With barely concealed honesty

That you'd maybe kiss me

Like you kiss my words

That you'd let me kiss your hands

Like I kiss your words.

#writing #write #writeblr #writer #spilled writing #my poetry #poetry #poets on tumblr #poets #spilled poetry #wlw #wlw poetry #sapphic

[sheshirkat]

Please, please, please - tell me I've been as good to you as you were to me

I could not stand the idea of not have loved you with all my might, with all my faith, mistakes but never violence and softness in tears shed.

[sheshirkat]

I don't want to sleep;

I'm afraid I'll wake up in the ghost of your arms.

#writing #write #writeblr #writer #spilled writing #my poetry #poetry #poets on tumblr #poets #spilled poetry #breakup #breakup poetry

[sheshirkat]

Shining hazel eyes and a laugh designed by god - I know how to write wrath, but how do you write those gentle tears

You left me with

Untainted memories and the sound of the sea at peace

I understand now

How easy it was

Loving you

How heart wrenching it is

To love and to lose a good man.

I am a poet

I will spend decades

Writing your butterfly kisses on my troath for breakfast; and the tenderness of doing the dishes - and waking up in mid afternoon with a smile on my face -

Where do I put this love ?

I will spend decades

Loving you in puzzle pieces scattered in my works.

- and the saddest thing is, if sometimes you stumble upon my writing, you may not even know it was about you.

- c. (seshirkat) (signing with an initial now I guess.)

#writing #write #writeblr #writer #spilled writing #my poetry #poetry #poets on tumblr #poets #spilled poetry

[sheshirkat]

I was afraid to close my eyes

Because losing you felt like such a bad dream

I was afraid of dreaming you were here

And waking up there

Knowing I'd never hold you in my arms again.

I'm not sure I can handle

Never kissing your lips again

Pretty pretty man

Good person

With shining hazel eyes

And a laugh designed by gods

[sheshirkat]

There is something so beautifully tragic about loving a girl at thirteen.

We never did have the space to discover what we could have been

I hated your boyfriends

You hated mine, and that girl I had a crush on, maybe because I said I liked girls, and you did not.

We held hands and made up and they said we were gay and I was so scared to lose you I fought tooth and nails just to preserve the tiny sliver of your reputation

I dated boys just to prove I did not just love you

But I did love you

And we kissed in the dark where no one could see us

And maybe you cheated once or thrice your boyfriends with me

And maybe I did too

But it doesn't matter because we cheated on each other with them

And you were naked in my bath and I was

Horny and sad.

We were just two girls in love in a world full of hate; and for a while the love in your eyes was the only one I knew.

#writing #write #writeblr #writer #spilled writing #my poetry #poetry #poets on tumblr #poets #spilled poetry #wlw #wlw poetry