hey just found out headphones are the greatest fucking thing in the world and i think i should wear them all the time
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UPDATE - 11th April 2:30pm
I had a work meeting. To make things worse, I might be on host (so showing people where they are sat etc) and I hate it so much. I probably won’t be on bar because there’s only one person working on there at a time and I am not trained on there fully. Also, our shifts can change at any point 🙃
I called my mum and told her about this and all she could say is, “that’s life”. Like ok ??? and ??? I hate change and having things not being a definite yes or no has made me become so much more anxious and it angers me that the people higher up in the company aren’t maintaining things better - they say we’re all for equality/diversity, but when it comes to stuff like this, clearly not!
Head’s up for anyone going out tomorrow to a pub or whatever, please remember we are people too and there’s people like me (who are waiting to be diagnosed or even just aren’t that sociable). Also, be aware that we may have breakdowns because damn I am already close to crying!
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Unmasking: pros and cons
You stim more so you’re more regulated and properly stimulated
You generally have more fun with fun things
Less feeling dead and empty
You feel more like yourself
People can be more ableist
You have to *explain* some of your symptoms that didn’t show before
Just general ableism bullshi
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Does anyone else have a hard time picturing their future? Because for me everything kind of stops after I graduate from highschool
I'm severely struggling from what is almost certainly a grab-bag of undiagnosed neurodivergency and am unable to get support. I'm scared I'm going to fall in love with a career only for it to lose its shine, leaving me trapped as a cog in a machine. Not to mention executive dysfunction, sensory sensitivities, and stunted social skills regularly kick my ass, so I doubt that I'd be a good enough employee to be worth hiring anyways. If I can't hold a stable job and get income, what happens next? If I can't support myself, what am I supposed to do?
And that's where my ability to picture my future stops. I don't think I want to look any further. I doubt that whatever happens next is going to be pretty.
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me: I don’t need fidget toys I usually just fiddle with a pencil or something anyway and I’d never use them
also me after getting spinning tops for easter: why can I literally not stop myself from spinning these any time im near them what
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(tw/cw - talking about mental health/meltdowns)
UPDATE - 10th April 2:15pm
Next week, uni work starts again and I have to start back at work (in a pub). I am expecting my stress levels to increase, my mental health to decrease and to have several meltdowns over it all. I am aiming to start using my planning app to help maintain a routine, but I am genuinely so nervous fo next week. I don’t know how I am going to cope...
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Ok so I'm pretty positive that I have adhd and I even have an appointment to go get that sorted.
But the more I read about it the more I realize all the similarities in the symptoms between adhd and autism, and... I'm worried I might have both?? Like, today:
My mom was being goofy, and was prying her eyes wide open for some reason. I cant remember why. Anyway, this made me look at her in her eyes (something I do not normally do!!), and I... I forgot that my mom had blue eyes??
Like I genuinely was like "oh yeah"... I forgot my own mother's eye colour!!!
I forgot what my own mother's eyes looked like, because I avoid eye contact that often.
Is that...? Is this something that happens to neurotypical people?? Please advise.
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Hi! I anon'd MONTHS ago, like summer 2020, about being undiagnosed and struggling with my family- I wanted to let you know that I got my diagnosis! It was a long and draining process, and I'm still waiting for the paperwork but they called and said "you are autistic" and I basically cried with relief. Thank you for being a wonderful support in the meantime and sharing your experiences and advice! My diagnosis has also led to one of my brothers doing the aq-10 and he's probably autistic too, so it'll be interesting to see that develop. Thanks again! Hope you're doing well 💜
That is so great to hear !!! I’m really glad I could help :) that’s really super awesome congratulations !!!
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Hey! Could you make a sort of list (if you want) of the things that separate autistic meltdowns from like, everything else? I guess?
I’ve heard a lot about meltdowns in symptom lists, but never a description (?) of one? I’m certainly adhd and thinking possibly artistic. My parents said that they’d take me to get tested for adhd after a whole lot of awkward writing back and forth, but that was over a year ago and maybe they forgot? We haven’t gone, even though they agreed to get me tested long before Covid.
My dad and I are very adhd and very similar, but my mom is very . . . different. She yells at me for not being able to remember things.
We were talking to someone about anxiety and he asked about sensory stuff so I said bright lights, loud sounds, strong smells and some textures bothered me and mom cut him off and told her I certainly didn’t have any sensory issues and that we were only looking at anxiety.
I’m sorry this is all over the place but back to my original point, I was wondering if there was a difference between autistic meltdowns and like toddler-didn’t-get-what-they-wanted meltdown.
I still freak out a lot over small things even though I am far to old for that and just adhd doesn’t really . . . Cover . . . everything I’m having issues with.
I know I get sensory overload, take things literally, don’t like it when someone rounds when I ask them the time, cannot handle any sort of change, and don’t like going into places without knowing exactly what it’ll be like.
They are also very against any sort of medication if they can help it because they believe that adhd can be delt with with fancy coping mechanisms and more sunlight. I’m not saying I want medication but they are so set against it, it just seems to make their behavior very unpredictable when it comes to this stuff. (They aren’t anti-vax, which is good)
Okay to sum up because this was absolutely all over the place, I’m wondering if I’m autistic, I’m certainly adhd, I definitly fulfill every symptom for both adhd and autism together and as hoping for advice on what a meltdown is.
If you want to answer this, no rush, enjoy your hiatus.
Hi anon !!!!
Sorry for the very delayed response !!!
I honestly don’t know if I can answer this accurately. I am adhd and some symptoms overlap with autism, and I’m not sure that I can separate my experiences accurately and I do not want to misinform anyone. My experiences sound very very similar to yours, and I do not have a confirmed autism diagnosis.
I would explain my research, but my research also shows a lot of overlap and is unclear. Some of it is also based on stereotypes too, which isn’t very helpful.
I’m very sorry I cannot answer this very effectively
I’d really appreciate it if people could explain/share their experience with autistic meltdowns in the replies !!!
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I’m sure other people have already asked this, but here it goes. Is it ok to call myself autistic if I’m undiagnosed/self diagnosed? I currently don’t have the resources to get a diagnosis and I’m worried people will say I’m faking and come after me for saying I’m autistic while not having an official diagnosis. Second, I’m 99.9% sure I’m autistic but that 0.1% of me is scared I’m either somehow faking or I’m confusing autism for simply being the weird socially awkward girl. How do you suggest dealing with these feelings?
First off, I just want to say that you are not alone in feeling this way whatsoever. Myself and many people I’ve talked to have experienced/are experiencing exactly what you are describing and that it’s very very normal !
I tend to deal with problems by rationalizing them, so that is what I will try to do here. First, an autistic person is autistic regardless of whether they have been diagnosed. Due to flaws in the diagnostic criteria, bias in the field, and lack of access to proper evaluations, many autistics are not diagnosed or are misdiagnosed.
Many autistics self diagnose as autistic before confirmation from a doctor that they are autistic, but they have always been autistic.
Many autism symptoms are debilitating and cause problems, which means that you probably aren’t faking it because it is causing you problems. If a person was faking such debilitating problems, then there is likely another underlying issue. (Tl;dr it’s very unlikely that you are faking)
Based on what you said, you seem to have done a lot of thinking about this, and if you believe yourself to be autistic then I have no problems with you saying that you are autistic. Some people might, but I don’t. As long as the label is not harming you, I don’t think that there is a problem.
If you find out that there is a different underlying issue causing your problems, that is okay too. The autistic community has probably helped you, and that is the ultimate goal here !!
As for other people, unfortunately some people do get upset at self diagnosis, but I’ve noticed that a lot of these people are neurotypicals that don’t really have a say in the matter. Many autistic people know how difficult a diagnosis is, and respect self diagnosis due to inability to get diagnosed.
I encourage others to leave a comment if they have any advice or tips, as I can only offer one perspective !!!
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Things I’m Starting to Question About Myself:
- I’m obsessive about time, being on time, all the time. When I was in the fifth grade, my mother was a teacher who’s classroom was right across the hall from my teacher’s classroom, meaning it was impossible for me to ever be late. However, without fail, every morning, I would stand at my mom’s classroom door, with my backpack on my shoulders, 20 minutes ahead of the bell, watching the clock. I needed to be On Time, no earlier, no later.
At first, my mother thought this was cute, but when it was a repeated action, she commented on how odd and weird it was, “You’re going to be on time no matter what, Ash; you don’t need to stand at the door.” I tried to listen, tried to Not wait at the door, but it made me feel so uncomfortable and wrong that I would run to the door with my backpack anyways, vibrating and intensely looking at the clock.
When I start getting closer to the time I need to leave to go somewhere, I get increasingly agitated. My dad meanders slowly. “Dad, please, it’s time to go.” I’m bouncing on the balls of my feet by the front door. He frowns, “C’mon, Ash, you’re gonna be on time, there’s no need for that kind of passive aggressive behavior.” Except, I wasn’t trying to be rude or passive aggressive, I’m just so nervous. I need to be on time.
I caught pink eye once, since I hadn’t known to address how unwell I was feeling beforehand, my father only found out that morning. I made my sister late for school. I felt so guilty that I wasn’t even focused on myself being sick. I kept thinking all day “God, I’m so horrible. I made her late. I made her late. I made her late.” My sister doesn’t even remember this, yet I can’t get it out of my head.
I was only late for school once, In 8th grade. It wasn’t my fault and was excused immediately, but I started to cry as soon as I got to my first period classroom, shaking. My teacher had no idea what to do, so she sent me out to the hall to cry it out.
- I had a deep fascination for shipwrecks, but specifically the Titanic.
When I was in the third grade, I read one 3rd grade reading level book on the Titanic and I was hooked. I wanted to no everything about it. I needed to know. How many people died? When exactly did it sink? What was found? What are those rust stalagtites that cling on to the ship underwater now? How deep is the Mariana Trench? Absolutely everything.
I read every book I could find about the Titanic, even books far above my reading level. I would read read read read read. My parents were like, “Awwww our little reading genius,” but I didn’t really care or recognize the reading level, I just cared about the Titanic.
When a program would come on about the Titanic or any shipwreck, I’d be like “No no no leave this on!” I needed to see it. More information was welcome.
I found a book in a drawer at my grandparents house about the Titanic. I read it all night.
When the topic was introduced I would start vibrating in joy, and info dump. “Ash, I didn’t need to know all of that.” ....”.....Ah okay, sorry.”
Even today, when I see something like Drain The Oceans or some Titanic Documentary, I’m like “I’m watching this Right Now.”
- I’m “careless”, and by that I mean that I’ve been labeled as “clumsy”.
I’m prone to dropping things,or having things slip from my grasp. People get mad, “You need to learn to be more careful.” But I’m trying. I’m watching my hands, looking where I’m going, and I still fuck up somehow.
I don’t know how much pressure to apply to the fridge’s filtered water dispenser. I grab a glass and push, but it was too much pressure because the glass slips, and water gets all over the floor. It’s been the same refrigerator for years.
I suck at sports that require any sort of hand-eye-coordination. Basketball? I sprained my finger because the ball bounced back at me off the rim. Football? I throw, but it goes way off mark. It’s the same for frisbee, volleyball, and even speedball. Sports that don’t require that, like skiing, hiking, kayaking, backpacking, or biking are all things I excel at.
- When I get nervous or excited I start getting “bouncy”
Like I mentioned in the time segment, I bounce on the balls of my feet when agitated. When i’m excited, I need to make some kind of motion like finger flicking, foot and/or leg bouncing.
I make a lot of unnecessary lip movements too, although I desperately try to hide that one in public (so the masks are kind of nice right now i guess) because I’ve been told it looks very weird.
- Eye contact is an issue.
I can make eye contact with people, but it is THE absolute worst. I hate it. It makes me feel wrong, scared, agitated, and a little bit threatened. Usually I stop just short of eye contact for people so they think I’m looking at them, but I can semi-get away with looking at their mouth or nose.
- There are certain textures I can’t deal with. I touch it, or even think about touching it, and I immediately need to touch something else more agreeable.
Examples include: rubber (why I hate to wear crocs), any socks tbh I usually go barefoot, styrofoam, chalkboard.
Touching or thinking about touching those things makes me shake because I’m uncomfortable, and I need to go touch like....sandpaper or something.
It’s difficult to say, but it’s very very specific sounds and volumes that bother me.
Similarly to touch, I also hate the sound of styrofoam. It grates on my nerves. My sister thinks it’s sooooooooo funny that I’m bothered by the sound, so when she has styrofoam she’ll start squeaking it together just to bother me. I’m not amused.
My dad didn’t understand it when he was walking on metal with crocs, and it made this horrible high-pitched squeal, that I was so unnerved that it caused me physical pain. I had to put my hands over my ears to block it out. He says I was overreacting.
My mom had the volume on her laptop up. I couldn’t even stay in the same room.
There are a lot of sounds you don’t really think about. The electrical hum of your computer, the fish tank slightly bubbling, a tree branch hitting the side of the house softly. You think it’s quiet, but it’s not.
Anyways, I have no idea if this means anything. I’m still trying to figure myself out.
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me: *has ordered from starbucks by myself on many occasions and sometimes i even end up ordering for other people because i anticipated those situations ahead of time and was able to perform the task*
me: *thinks that walking into starbucks this time, my dad will order, and thus i don’t mentally prepare for it*
my dad: ok, ash, take my card and order
me, brain going immediately static: there’s coffee at home
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about me :)
>i’m a Christian
>i self diagnosed myself as autistic and having ADHD in April of 2021 after doing about a year’s worth of research, many online tests, and becoming involved in the autistic and ADHD community online
>i also have anxiety and depression
>i do not tolerate any ableism, racism, bullying, and homophobia. you will be block if you bring any of this to my blog.
>this is just a place where i reblog the stimmy things i find satisfaction/calming. i hope it helps you too! :)
>there will also be moodboards for both ADHD and autism.
- if i reply to one of your comments, it will be from peggycarter-steverogers (tagged below) since that is my main blog
- all my posts will be tagged “inside dani’s brain”
- my main blog: @peggycarter-steverogers
- my personal blog: @daniii-girlll
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Undiagnosed autism culture is trying to talk to your guardians about it, them not listening, and then pointing out symptoms (“do you just not like hugs” “why are you so quiet” “do you have to be such a perfectionist” etc)
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Update - 6th April 10am
I tried calling the doctors at 8am and I couldn’t get through, so I ended up putting through an online consultation. Afterwards, I tried calling the doctors again and when I did, I had a call! I got asked loads of questions about why I think I could be autistic (I listed some of my many traits) and then I had to answer a series of questions (definitely agree, slight agree, slightly disagree and definitely disagree), which related to autism experiences. Needless to say, I have been told I am going to be referred! I am so happy! I know the waiting list for an assessment is 18 months but we’re finally moving in the correct direction!
I got told if I want to add anymore traits to the list to just call up (I joked that we would be “here all day if I listed them all”), but wow, I’m making progress :)
(@ that person on anon who said I couldn’t post about autism because I haven’t had a diagnosis yet: imma prove you wrong!!!! - plus like I said before, whether I am autistic or not, I will forever post acceptance posts etc because I have friends and family, who are autistic AND I am off into that one of work)
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Where have you seen the Animal Crossing Build a Bears will only be available one day? I know in the past Build a Bear has had items available more than once even if they have a waiting room for them.
Today is the pre-release (so it’s like the harry potter bears) the AC ones won’t be available until summer after today and (personally) I don’t wanna wait until then! BAB confirmed this in an email/on a facebook post too! Hope this helps. Have a nice day anon :)
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my dad: indirectly calling me autistic
me (who knows he’s probably right): ...
Every day, I get vid on my TikTok fyp of people showing things I used to do and still do followed up by them saying it's the ADHD/autism. And everyday I want to get tested but I'm broke.
(Like it's too much to be something else it's my social anxiety all over again).
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I am so nervous about the ACNH build-a-bear release tomorrow. Tomorrow is the only day until summer you can get whatever they are actually selling and I am on edge. I am literally at the point where I am shaking and nearly crying. I have been a fan of Animal Crossing since I was 6-8 years old. It’s been my fave game beyond others for YEARS! I will be absolutely gutted if I have to wait until summer (and possibly have to drive back to uni for it, since back home, we don’t have a build-a-bear store). This is making me feel so uneasy and I have to call the doctors tomorrow too :(
honestly I will be happy if others get it and I don’t, but I will be highly jealous and probably will cry if I don’t get one
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