muahmuahxx

[muahmuahxx]

denial

i barley survived

a hopeless flame

i never felt more alive

you burned so bright

it melted me

but it felt right

the flames covered my skin

i suffocate in you

you’re my favorite sin

you consumed me

took away my being

will you ever set me free

i belong to you

beat me, mistreat me

as long as it’s you i can fall into

she doesn’t make you feel wanted?

does she not desire you

don’t you wish we never parted

because you know i need you

i know you want me

if what you’re eyes say is true

do i tempt you? just give in

to everything you know you shouldn’t

you know you miss the feeling of my skin

is my presence frustrating?

you can’t look at me can you

don’t mind me just waiting

one day you won’t hold back

you’ll take what’s yours

you know i have what she lacks

you’re in denial

snap out of it

numbers ready to dial

show you what you’ve been missing

our passion doesn’t die

that’s why you’re always reminiscing

#deep quotes #life quote #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #ex boyfriend #toxic love #toxic relationship #based on true events #hope they die #tw depressing thoughts #healthy #healthy relationships #my crush #romance

[muahmuahxx]

over thinking

am i over thinking

or am i over drinking

is he still mine

am i broken inside

maybe i’m the issue

someone no one commits to

i’m scared you’ll get bored

find someone else to adore

i have some problems in my head

they leave me laying in bed

and it’s really not your fault

over thinking is my default

im used to being alone

if i’m not i smell his cologne

it’s not your fault what he did

but i was just a kid

can’t blame you for my mistrust

just don’t leave i can adjust

i swear i’ll tell you about me

i’ll tell you every little thing

but once it’s all clear

i’m scared you won’t be here

when do i bring up the high

i really don’t mean to lie

but i can’t go a day sober

he really got me in october

i make myself sick at nights

to forget about his headlights

my eyes are beaming red

but not from tears i shed

i get too high to remember

what he did to me in december

i was too ashamed to admit

that i didn’t wanna lose it

i told him no i changed my mind

but he left consent behind

this was the end of me

it was the last day i was free

and now i can’t stay sober

or i’ll feel like its happening all over

and now i can’t think straight

i’m not who you want to date

i didn’t even blame him

i thought it happened on a whim

he took a piece of me and left

he wasn’t punished for his theft

i really thought he’d stay

i guess i’m another cliche

please don’t think im hopeless

eventually i’ll smoke less

please don’t think i’m useless

my exs were just a little ruthless

i swear i’m more than what i seem

under the walls as deep as sea

don’t make me feel wanted

just to act like we never bonded

guys have broken me down

but lie when everyone’s around

don’t tear me apart

please take care of my heart

#deep quotes #life quote #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #ex boyfriend #toxic love #toxic relationship #based on true events #hope they die #tw depressing thoughts #healthy #healthy relationships #my crush #romance

[muahmuahxx]

addict

why do i keep coming back for more

takes everything not to fall to the floor

my migraines is the lover that stayed

even when everyone else went away

my visions too foggy to see

and my body won’t let me be

constantly shaking or aching

it feels like i’m physically breaking

i thought you were the worst drug

now i can’t replace your euphoric hugs

my addiction to you was nothing

compared to the drug addict i’m becoming

#deep quotes #life quote #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #ex boyfriend #toxic love #toxic relationship #based on true events #hope they die #tw depressing thoughts #healthy #healthy relationships #my crush #romance

[muahmuahxx]

1934

you tell me i’m beautiful not because you want to take off my clothes

you say it just to say it, even with no skin to expose

miles of space between us, you could never touch me

but you still insist on telling me i’m so lovely

so much to keep us apart, more like 1934

that’s how many miles keep me from knocking on your door

if i could tell you all the reasons we could never try

you’d tell me that you’d rather fucking die

the difference between you and everyone else is so great

they couldn’t fall for me while living in my state

yet you saw something they never wanted to see

you saw me and you let my clothes be

no one ever thought i could be more than a night unknown

in his back seat i never felt more alone

they always tried to take me home and when i’m awake they’re gone

but you like me better with my clothes on

#deep quotes #life quote #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #ex boyfriend #toxic love #toxic relationship #based on true events #hope they die #tw depressing thoughts #healthy relationships #healthy #short poem #my crush #my poem #i'm bitter

[muahmuahxx]

untitled

i got into a fight with my parents today. i looked up our old messages. i searched “i love you” so i could reread all the times you said it to me. i just wanted to feel a little better about everything. all i saw was all the times i said i loved you and you never saying it back.

#deep quotes #life quote #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #ex boyfriend #parents #bad parenting

[muahmuahxx]

An Undelivered Message

The words that swam off my tongue were sour

My soul was yours to devour

They were all bitter lies

But how you felt changed more than skies

I have one more thing, i never said

Something you never read

An undelivered message is going through

The damage is too late to undo

All the times you said it was you

I denied your view

Im aware i forever said no

But you were the reason i was low

Every time my mind cried

I said i didn't need you at my side

When i went quiet in a noisy room

Or cried over the food, i couldn't consume

The nightmares of losing again

Kept me from sleeping back then

You always slipped through my fingers

Your agonizing words still linger

All those times i lied to protect you

But your love for me never grew

Drowned myself in sorrow

Hoping you’d change tomorrow

You're the reason i changed

My feelings don't make me deranged

Even now you keep your grip

So many lies flow through your lips

Claws you sank into me

Why won't you let me be free

I'm someone neither of us know

The message is; you need to let go

#deep quotes #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #life quote #toxic love #toxic relationship #ex boyfriend #hope they die

[muahmuahxx]

Blood On Cupid's Arrow

Pay attention to the skin

It cracks and screams below the surface

The arrows still stuck inside

You can't see it, but she feels it

What was once soft and pure is rough

Her blood ran cold

What's wrong? Is it too hard to see

Look at what you've done

You made her cold and hollow

Couldn't handle what you created

So you abandoned your design

Was it too hard to see

Couldn't look at the blood you spilled

Do you fear the destruction

Does her appearance make you shiver

What was broken by you

Caused her to turn to the arrow

She thought it would bring her comfort

It welcomed her with open arms

But when she turned, it struck her

The arrow may have killed her

But she died when she met the crossbow

#deep quotes #life quote #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #romance #toxic love #toxic relationship #hope they die

[muahmuahxx]

When I Look At The Ceiling

It wasn't meant to kill me

But once i realized i took too many

I wasn't mad or sad or well anything

For once i felt at peace

My breathing was so heavy

I thought the world could hear me

When i realized it was my time

I tried to write letters

My body wouldn't let me pick up the pen

I was violently throwing up

I could barely move without fainting

My chest was slowly closing

Someone was choking my heart

Hours went by and the feeling only thickened

Why didn't i call an ambulance

That's what a normal person would do

When you overdose, you get help

For once as i looked up at that ceiling

I finally let go

No survival instincts kicked in

There was no “fight or flight”

Just me and death

He stared me in my eyes

And i wasn't scared

He felt like my savior

I was ready for him to take me

Rid me of all the anguish

Release my claws off of them

Off the people i love too much to let go

As i lived on, i selfishly drug them down

Making them stay so i wasn't alone

Couldn't help but feel they'd be relieved

Last time i looked up at the ceiling

It ruined my life

Because he ruined me

Last time i looked up

I was nothing but a used shell

Something he abused and left to rot

When he wasn't inside me anymore

It was already too late

I was hollow

But this time, when i looked up

I was finally okay

And just when i thought i was done

Just when i thought i was free

I woke up

I was so sure i wouldn't make it

How did i get through the night

I wanted to cry but my tears were blocked

I haven't been able to cry in so long

No matter how hard i try, i can't get it out

Everything keeps building and building

All I've ever wanted was for it all to stop

My breath constantly feels stolen

Always gasping for air

But i breathe poison

I feel i was never supposed to be here

But even death himself rejected me

I wasn't even good enough to die

Feeling like this cant be normal

So i got up and asked for help

but

“There's nothing wrong with you” she says

I guess she's right, I'm just being a teenager

#deep quotes #life quote #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #based on true events #sad poetry #sad poem #triggering stuff #triggering content #tw depressing thoughts

[muahmuahxx]

The Perfect Fairy Tale

I keep seeing a girl in a coffee shop

There's not much to it really

She sat alone but that she was used to

Her poetry dripping into the atmosphere

It tasted how Adel songs sound

So bitter-sweet, it almost stung

I knew what she was waiting for

The perfect fairy tale

An attractive boy to walk in

Maybe order something with lots of cream

Or maybe he likes it black

Maybe he's a brunette with messy waves

Or maybe he's a blonde with a gentle smile

Either way she sat there

Not just writing her rhymes

She was waiting for him

Someone, anyone to show her

It was all worth it

All the hardships and despair

All the tears and regret

The feeling of loss and betrayal

She wanted him to talk through that door

And save her

But this isn't a fairy tale

And no one ever walked through that door

#deep quotes #life quote #love quote #poem #poets on tumblr #coffee #coffee shop #cafe aesthetic #aestehtic

[muahmuahxx]

it was real

flashes of your essence cloud me

traces of you reminiscing, laying around

i should throw it all away

although they’re my only reminder you were real

what happened, was real

sometimes i think my mind is fooling me

i look at you and start to doubt myself

i imagined it, nothing ever happened between us

you were my imagination

until i see a photo or come across your t shirt

then i’m reminded i’m not crazy, just damaged

#poets on tumblr #poetry #poem #toxic love #toxic relationship #toxic people #tw depressing thoughts #reality #going crazy #based on true events #ex boyfriend #friends with secrets #deep quotes #life quote #love quote #quotes #imagines

[muahmuahxx]

i’ll wait

she’s so beautiful

to think she’s not is delusional

her lips are so alluring

not to kiss them is what i’ve been enduring

her eyes were huge and bright

they glimmered even in dim light

she’s so dainty and gentle

the feelings i got were accidental

everything started out as experimental

she’s what takes up the space in my head

wish she’d listen to half of what i said

joking about dating wasn’t a joke

if she said it to me i think i’d choke

i guess all i can do is wait

realize she’s the reason i’m not straight

#love poem #poets on tumblr #poem #rhyme poetry #rhyme scheme #girls who like girls #girl crush #gaypride #gay girls #gay #hidden feelings #deep quotes #life quote #love quote #valentine

[muahmuahxx]

“Forgive yourself for accepting less than you deserved - but don’t do it again.”

— Unknown

[muahmuahxx]

i changed part 2

i have to call one of my best friends every night to sleep without the nightmares, you know, the ones where you're on top of me and im whimpering in pain and you don't care. yeah, the flashbacks. now i flinch a bit when i'm touched, breath a bit heavy when a man looks at me too long. but somehow, i feel okay. well not "okay." but motivated. i've brought my grades up, took better care of my hygiene, worked harder at my job and all around just perceived myself as better. you woke me up. you made me realize behind every kind word is an evil motivation. you showed me how unbelievably stupid i was to think someone would swoop in and take care of me and love me unconditionally, the way i did for you. and my ex, and everyone else i've ever grown attached to. attachment and commitment seems impossible to me now. i can't come to terms with it, it's not who i am anymore. you shut my feelings off, ripped them away, ripped everything away. my innocence, my purity, everything you didn't have permission to take you did. and now all the pain i used to put myself through by trusting and forgiving is behind me, kindness and affection is beneath me. i finally turned stone cold and couldn't be happier about it.

#love poem #poets on tumblr #poetry #poem #tw alchohol mention #tw depressing thoughts #tw selfhate #ptsd tw #toxic love #toxic relationship #toxic people #bad person #bad people #ex boyfriend #assult mention #deep quotes #life quote #love quote #quotes #sad but true #you’re amazing #you’re not alone #friends with secrets #friends

[muahmuahxx]

i changed

as dumb as it may seem, you somehow improved my life. sure you absolutely murdered who i used to be. brutally. like i'm talking tortured me for months and dragged me across the road hanging on to the back of a car by a rope. my body slowly shredding to pieces, feeling the road burn off each layer of my skin, until there was nothing left. at least that's what it felt like. that's what YOU felt like. the thing is, even after all that, you did something my ex lover could never do. you improved me. how? you changed everything about me. was i a good person to begin with? to be honest, who knows. the whole aspect of what makes a person good or bad confuses the hell out of me. i see all the worst parts of myself no one else does. my worst motives, decisions and manipulations, my lies and fake apologies. but everyone's like that, is the average person as bad as me? who knows. i hope so, i don't want to be considered a "bad person." even if it's easier to be the bad guy. when you came back into my life it was complicated and messy and honestly disgusting. we both did things we will always regret however, i don't think u understand the gravity of how much more you fucked up than i did. i'm not saying all of this is your fault. i'm well aware i put myself in this position, i know i misjudged you. i knew you had your flaws but i NEVER thought you'd do something bad enough to completely reshape who i am. i thought you were someone else but to be honest, who you are was always on the surface. the thing is i did the same thing with you i did with my ex. i saw the best parts of you and ran with it. i saw the little bit of good you do have and made it ur entire being. i disregarded the bad just because there was good there. doesn't matter if it was a little or a lot point was it was there. i just hate giving up on people because i've always been terrified of people giving up on me. i put people through so much just to see if they actually love me. is it toxic? yeah, of course it is. but all i've ever asked for was reassurance. i just wanted someone to SEE me and love me for it. you even told me you'd never do anything to hurt me. you said you knew what i've been through and would never do anything like that. the relief i felt when i thought you were the one person who SAW me. i was so stupid. you said all those things when the whole time you ended up doing worse than what i've ever endured before in a matter of weeks. you carved out every bit of light i had left, even though you knew it was already so dimmed out. i would've forgiven you if you just stayed to help me get it back. instead you left me there, completely withered and frail. there was no one to help me. even if they tried i just couldn't anymore. you finally did it for me, after everything i've been though you genuinely broke me. i've never felt so defeated, so betrayed. i finally gave up, you won, and i'll never look at men the same, or people in general. i might be the problem but the difference is now i don't care. i have no more energy to waste or give. people have tried taking me for granted after the “incident” happened and failed because there’s nothing to take. i have absolutely nothing left in me. i never thought i could be more hurt than how i was when my ex left me. but you violated me. you assaulted me and STOLE the one thing i was hanging onto. and then you made me feel bad because you didn’t enjoy it and “wanted it to be over.” if you wanted it to be over so bad why did you keep forcing it. the fact that you think so little of me. you never treated anyone else the way you treated me. all i did was try to give you my time, my energy, my money. i tried to give you EVERYTHING. i cried on kitchen floors BEGGING you to not hurt me. but at least something good came out of it, i changed. i needed to, i was too gullible and trusting. oh you took care of that don’t worry. now i drink a little too much and im high a little too often. (running out of room part 2 posted)

#poets on tumblr #poetry #poem #rants n rambles #random rant #ranting #youre welcome #you’re not alone #you’re amazing #deep quotes #life quote #love quote #quotes #toxic love #toxic relationship #toxic people #bad person #bad people #tw alchohol mention #tw: alcholism #tw depressing thoughts #ptsd tw #toxic boyfriend #ex boyfriend #friends with secrets #friends #sad poetry #sad poem #sad but true

[muahmuahxx]

the warmth a man couldn’t give me

i don't want to turn back time

even if i listen to "favorite crime"

but i do miss when i felt loved

now i can't function if not drugged

i guess i never really knew you

maybe you never wanted me to

i'm nothing but a hallow shell

guess you didn’t know me that well

if you did, you’d know i couldn’t do this

left me so hurt, i can’t even reminisce

i don’t feel numb or even broken

i feel like a new me was awoken

one that simply just gave up

i’m okay as long as you fill my cup

i only drank once but now it’s hard to stop

all i think about is my cup filled to the top

even in a room so loud the silence i hear

it’s so peaceful even if nothing looks clear

a few sips and my worries washed away

i no longer had to keep my feelings at bay

all i felt was the warmth in my body

i wasn’t insecure, my mind was just foggy

i finally didn’t care what i looked like

i finally wasn’t picturing his head on a pike

i long to feel that warmth again

the kind i begged for from a man

i’ll do anything to get another bottle

without it, everything just seems awful

give me more i swear i won’t get addicted

even if i did, it wouldn’t be restricted

#poets on tumblr #poetry #poem #love poem #sad poetry #sad poem #sad but true #ex boyfriend #boys #you’re not alone #tw: alcholism #tw alchohol mention #deep quotes #life quote #love quote #quotes #rhyme scheme #rhyme poetry #tw depressing thoughts

[muahmuahxx]

you fell

you fell for a heart that will never love you

you fell for a mind that will never understand you

you fell for a soul that will never long for you

you fell for hands that only want to use you

you fell for eyes that will never see your value

you fell for someone that will never really see you

sure she calls you cute names and gives you a kiss

but does she stay awake hoping you’re doing well

praying to a God she doesn’t believe in

begging for you to find happiness and keep it

even if that means it’s not with her

yeah i didn’t think so

you never had to remind me to love you

but you’ll beg her to

we aren’t the same

-your ex

#love poem #poets on tumblr #poetry #poem #ex boyfriend #toxic people #toxic love #toxic relationship #the bitter truth #i'm bitter #my poem #freestyle #deep quotes #life quote #quotes #love quote #hope they die

[muahmuahxx]

it wasn’t you

tell me it wasn’t you

a lookalike, you never even knew

i can’t believe you’d do this

such a sweet boy, made me feel useless

i look at you and see someone different

how could you rip apart someone so innocent

maybe it’s denial, shock or shame

i keep trying to find ways to take the blame

maybe i technically gave consent?

maybe you didn’t know what “no” meant

you could’ve thought i didn’t mean it

either way, you just wouldn’t quit

you were in a rush to take off my clothes

this is where you ended all your oaths

always promised you’d never hurt me

how could that be

if you meant it, you would’ve listened

in that car, i was imprisoned

“i don’t want to”

i didn’t know what else to do

i said i was scared

you seemed like you didn’t care

you were supposed to stop

instead you got on top

it’s so hard to look at you

someone i thought i knew

you don’t look the same

why don’t you feel any shame

why don’t you realize your mistakes

do you know how little an apology takes

it didn’t feel like you in that car

who was that? he ripped me apart

#poets on tumblr #poetry #poem #based on true events #love poem #triggering content #triggering stuff #potentially triggering #things i’ll never say #friends with secrets #frienship #ex boyfriend #trauma #trauma bonding #out of body #dissociation #shock #stunned #sad poem #sad poetry #rhyming poem #tw depressing thoughts #tw depressing stuff #depressing poem #deep quotes #life quote #quotes #love quote