#you can feel the inner conflict. the resentment towards himself and his life | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

the-witty-pen-name · 3 years

Text

Deadbeat Pt. 3

Lee Bodecker x F!Reader

18+ ONLY

Warnings: age gap (reader is 21), smut, cursing, abandonment, infatuation, cheating/divorce, angst, mild housewife kink, mentions of prostitution, mentions of alcohol, corrupt official

Word Count: 4.7k

Summary: You work at the bar at the edge of town, the Sheriff is going through a divorce and needs to rent a room.

A/N: I’m terrible at writing summaries and I’m so sorry about that! I don’t think I would consider this a dark!fic, but it does cover a lot of themes, and topics that are darker than I usually write about- but I think that comes with the territory of writing about Lee Bodecker. I’ll make sure to update the warnings for each chapter and do not read if you are underage. I also ignored canon for this one.

This is unedited, and I missed anything I should include as a warning let me know! This chapter introduces some new plots and conflicts, so it jumps around a little more than the previous ones.

I hope you all enjoy!

I also am having some writer’s block with my Obi-Wan Kenobi miniseries I was working on, so expect Part 3 sometime Sunday hopefully! So sorry for the delay on the final chapter.

Tags and Requests are OPEN

Part One // Part Two

Henry Curtis was one of the most infuriating people Lee had ever met. Curtis was a writer for the Columbus newspaper and constantly pestering the Sheriff. Curtis seemed to have a sixth sense for whenever the Sheriff did anything. He was desperately trying to catch the Sheriff doing anything but so far had remained unsuccessful. Curtis was the biggest obstacle Lee faced in winning re-election. The man would show up out of nowhere, pen and pad in hand ready to find anything that would be enough to keep the Sheriff out of office.

Maybe Curtis was just doing his job, but Lee always felt like it was much more personal. It was probably just his own resentment of the man who was just doing his job. But the man didn’t have to be so goddamn invasive. When the Sheriff had devised his plan on offering to rent a room from you, he was so tied up in his own mess of divorce and his somewhat confusing feelings towards you he had completely forgotten about the press. They would have a field day with the divorce alone, but now on top of everything else, Lee knew he should be more careful.

Lee always had to be careful, especially if he was meeting Leroy Brown. Lee would make sure he drove way out of town, and always insisted they met at a different location every time. This would infuriate Brown but Lee was the only lawman he had working for him. Sometimes Lee would drive several hours out of the way, always at some deserted ghost town or some sad excuse for a diner or a bar. Always somewhere no one would recognize him.

Lee lied to you and told you he and a few of the deputies would need to drive out of town for a stakeout when he needed to meet with Brown. It was one of those nights, sitting in the cruiser with the headlights off, as he parked in an abandoned parking lot almost two hours out of town.

He had been able to put this off for a couple weeks, lying about other legitimate jobs getting in the way. Honestly, it was because he wanted to one, avoid anything that would cause suspicion from Henry Curtis hearing he was back in town and two, he was selfishly allowing himself to just spend his nights at his new home, spending all the time he could manage with you. It was like being in that little white house was a place where he could let himself be delusional, and time spent with you was what his life actually was, not this mess he was currently dealing with. He wanted out.

Lee knew he wasn’t a good man. He knew that his laundry list of offenses had tarnished his badge a long time ago. He knew what he was doing, and before he never cared. Now, he’s thinking about how his actions could affect you. You were innocent, unaware of everything he was stuck in. He knew you weren’t stupid, and he was sure the town knows some about his corruption. But now, he couldn’t rationalize away his actions for any reason when it came to you. Janie? She didn’t care and would encourage it. She’d be in on it too. She’d have no problem lying to ladies at Church or starting other rumors to keep the town talking about anyone but Lee. She was as power hungry as he was sometimes, which could be a testament as to how their loveless marriage held together for so long.

***

“Hi, I’m looking for a Ms. (Y/L/N)?” the man asked when he approached you, talking a seat at one of the barstools.

“Who’s asking for her?” you asked raising an eyebrow.

“I’m Henry Curtis, I work for the Columbus Dispatch.”

“The newspaper?”

“That’s the one.”

“Why are you looking for her?”

“I’m doing a story on her mother’s marriage to Harvey Tucker.”

“She’s not here tonight. But I can let her know you were here. Do you got a card?”

The man pulled out a business card from his wallet and slide it across the bar. You picked it up and read all the information before putting it in the pocket of your apron.

“Seems weird for the Columbus paper to want to do a story on that a month and a half after it happened,” you said skeptically.

“We did cover the story when it happened,” Curtis informed you. “Doing a follow up since the story broke about his wife missing.”

“Missing?” you ask. “Do they know what happened?”

“Robbed the bastard blind and then ran apparently,” Curtis said casually looking past you at the chalkboard on the wall. “Scotch, neat.”

“Yes, sir,” you reply, grabbing the bottle from the shelf. “Has anything else been found out yet?”

“Not yet, that’s why I’m here. Checking in to see if she’d come back here because I heard Ms. (Y/L/N) still lives around these parts.” He then pulled a newspaper out of the inside pocket of his coat and started flipping through the pages.

“She has another kid too, right?” you asked, playing dumb. “A boy, I think. Do you know where he is?”

“Couldn’t say,” he sounded very indifferent, “Most likely went with her but who knows? I went to the Sheriff’s office to see if they knew anything but the Sheriff wasn’t there.”

“That’s too bad,” you say. “I’m sure Sheriff Bodecker would help you help if he can.”

Your statement made Mr. Curtis chuckle, but you didn’t follow up on it. You were just focusing on getting as much information about your mother and brother as you could.

“Speaking of Mr. Bodecker,” he began, “I recently saw his wife is getting remarried. Saw the announcement of the engagement in the paper.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” you respond, skeptically. You didn’t know why but you didn’t trust this man. It was something in the tone of his voice, or maybe it was just how he held himself. Very polished, a suit and a nice dress jacket. He looked very out of place in this town, and this little bar.

“You familiar with the Sheriff at all, miss?”

“Not too well,” you shrug, “Haven’t had any run-ins with the law myself.”

“Not even a speeding ticket?” He asks, only a little condescendingly.

“Can’t get a speeding ticket if you don’t have a car,” you point out.

“Touché,” he chuckles before taking a sip of his drink.

He doesn’t ask you anymore questions, and when he leaves, he gives you a five-dollar tip.

***

Lee receives his cut from Brown. There was nothing new to report on that front and his meeting went by smoothly. All Lee had to do was to turn a blind eye, and make sure the rest of the department stays unaware of the brothel’s existence. Brown always insisted on meeting with him, wanting to know what the Sheriff’s department was investigating and making sure his businesses stayed under the radar. He felt sick, and is preoccupied with the fact he has an envelope of dirty money in the cruiser’s glovebox.

It’s around midnight when he pulls up to the house. He expects that you’re already asleep, but he notices the lamp is on in the living room. He takes the money out of his glovebox and tucks it away into the inner pocket of his jacket. Coming inside, he finds you on the couch, knees pulled to your chest, staring at the business card Mr. Curtis had given you. You face is stained with dried up tears, and you still haven’t even changed out of your work clothes.

“What’s that?” he asks, the sight of you breaking his heart. He winces because he comes off a lot harsher than he meant.

“Some reporter came while I was at work wanting to talk to me,” you explain softly, you sound exhausted. “Wanted to talk to me cause he’s doing a story on my mother. Apparently, she’s on the run from the Columbus police.”

You extend your hand to give Lee the card. He feels his jaw clench when he reads the information. “What happened?” he asks, taking a deep breath and sitting down next to you.

“I pretended I wasn’t me,” you say, another tear rolling down your cheek. “He came in asking for me so I said I’d pass his card on. I didn’t want to tell him who I was because he didn’t explain why he was looking for me at first. I don’t know- just scared me. I’m more upset about the news itself than him.”

“You did the right thing,” Lee said softly, placing a hand on your shoulder comfortingly. He was angry, but he didn’t show it. It worried him, fucking Curtis snooping around this close to you. It made him feel protective, wanting to shield you from the whole ordeal. He had been on the receiving end of unsolicited attention from the press and he knew how ruthless they were. He knew this wouldn’t be the only time Curtis would try to get in touch with you. He’d find out where you lived, he’d continue to show up while you were working- the whole nine yards. He didn’t want you going through that.

Curtis talking to you also made him incredibly paranoid. It was his two worlds that he desperately wanted to keep apart were colliding. He knew it was impossible, but he so wanted to keep you separated from the other part of his life. It wasn’t who he wanted you to see. Hell, he hasn’t even been here for a month. It wasn’t that he wanted to keep you in the dark, at least that wasn’t entirely intentional. Actually, he wasn’t sure, maybe it was intentional. However, it wasn’t just you he wanted to hide aspects of his life from. He wanted his involvement with Brown and others hidden from every goddamn registered voter. You were no different, he tried to rationalize. But that wasn’t true. These feelings he harbored for you, were getting worse. He needed to unwrap himself from this situation, and for the sake of you finding out he was a shill, keep you away from that asshole. He didn’t want to let himself think about how the way you look at him would change.

And here he was, making the situation all about him. It was in his nature.

“He’s just going to show up again if I don’t call him,” you say, wiping your eyes. “Maybe I should just call him in the morning. Just be honest and say I don’t know anything. He can keep coming around but nothing is going to change.”

“I can take care of it,” he says. He couldn’t risk you talking to Curtis again. For all he knows, Curtis would tell you all about the story on the Sheriff he’d been trying to confirm for years. Lee knew he couldn’t let that happen. He fully intends on telling you, but how the hell do you bring that up? ‘Hey doll, I’m also on the payroll of every pimp and bootlegger in a ten-mile radius, just letting you know.’ It wasn’t going to come up, unless Curtis tells you about it. He’d be hoping to pull himself out if it, show you how you made him want to be better.

For now, he settles for comforting you, and just being there to take care of you. Make you feel better. He wraps an arm around your shoulder and lets you cry into his chest. He sighs, kissing the top of your head in a friendly way and you curl up against him. Under different circumstances, you probably wouldn’t have let yourself do this- show your vulnerability or allow anyone to comfort you like this. But it was all the events of the past month, your mother leaving, everything, just all hitting you at once, and you were happy you weren’t alone.

In the morning, you wake up on the couch with a blanket over you. You see Lee asleep in the chair, and you realize he stayed with you all night. It makes your heart flutter. You pull the blanket up over your chin and close your eyes again. You felt surprisingly well rested. The stress and worry were pushed to the back of your mind long enough to let you get some sleep. It still lingered in the back of your mind, but you reminded yourself that for now, there was nothing you could do. You had the day off, and you let yourself have a little longer time to sleep in.

You woke up to the smell of coffee brewing and the sound of sizzling on the stove. When you opened your eyes, Lee was no longer in the chair. You sat up and looked toward the kitchen, where you saw Lee with his back to you while he worked with the pans on top of the stove. The portable radio was positioned on the counter, and it was playing at a low volume, so it wouldn’t wake you up.

“Hey,” you say softly, still waking up as you walk into the kitchen.

“Morning, doll,” he says, glancing back at you for a moment. “How’re you feeling?”

“A little better,” you admit, grabbing a mug for yourself out of the cabinet. You pour yourself a cup of coffee, savoring the smell before making it how you usually take it. “Thank you for sitting with me,” you say honestly, “you didn’t have to do that.”

“I wanted to,” he says with a small grin. “I just wanted to help.”

“I really appreciate it, Lee,” you reiterate your thanks, hopping up to take a seat on the counter, watching him cook breakfast. “Didn’t know you knew how to cook,” you joke, making him chuckle.

“I’m full of surprises, sweetheart,” he smirks, making you feel flushed. You take another drawn out sip of your coffee to try to distract yourself. You watch his arms, and his hands as they maneuver and flex when he cooks. You imagine how they must feel, your eyes focused on the veins. You bit your lip and it reminds you of the dream you had a little while back when he first moved in. You imagine him stepping in between your legs as your propped up on the counter, his hands gently gripping your thighs and-

“I’ll get it,” you announce hurriedly as you hear someone knock on the front door. You hop off the counter careful to not spill your coffee, and head to answer the door. Lee watches you bounce out of the room, fixing your hair as you go and you don’t catch his smile.

“Arvin,” you say surprised, stepping out onto the porch. “What are you doing here?” you ask, with a small grin. You’re confused but nonetheless happy to see him.

“You look like you’ve been crying,” he observes, concern written all over his face.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” you say dismissively, “Just last night I was thinking about my ma and everything. Just had trouble sleeping is all.”

“The Sheriff didn’t do anything?” Arvin asked in a hushed tone, looking over your shoulder to see if Lee could hear you two.

“No, nothing, he’s been perfectly fine,” you say coming to the Sheriff’s defense. “I know you and Ms. Russell are worried, I know how it must look- but Arvin I swear he’s just my tenant. He’s been nothing but a gentleman.”

“Just making sure,” he says, letting it go for now. “Lenora asked me to bring these by for you.” He hands you the glass baking dish that you can see is filled with homemade cinnamon rolls. “She’s been practicing making all kinds of baked goods for when the Church does that bake sale and has me running all over town giving it away cause me and Uncle Earskell can’t keep up with it all.”

“Tell her thank you for me,” you say with a smile, “And I’ll bring the dish with me to Church tomorrow- give it back to her.”

“She misses you I think,” Arvin says sheepishly, pushing his hands into his front pockets. “I mean- I do- I think my whole family does- we all do. I’m sorry my grandmother hasn’t asked you over in a while…”

“I understand,” you nod. “Reputation is an important thing.”

“I just didn’t want you to think it was because of us,” he says looking down at the porch, his eyes fixed on a loose board. “You know how she is- everything no matter the context is somehow a sin. Scared to death of her own shadow…”

“I know you’re not that resentful, Arvin Russell,” you chuckle and he relaxes. “And I don’t hold any hard feelings towards anyone in your family- you all have always been good to me.”

“Well, um,” he says awkwardly, looking like he was holding back from saying more. “I got to hit a couple more houses before I head to work, so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow at Church?”

“I’ll be there.”

“Oh- I wanted to let you know,” he says, turning around as he’s already heading down the front steps, “The principal down at the high school is looking for secretaries- Lenora heard and thought you might be interested. It pays like $35 a week, I think. You should call Linda Carson; I think Lenora said- that’s the woman who’s in charge of hiring people, I think.”

“I’ll call the school first thing Monday morning,” you say, grin stretching from ear to ear. Arvin nods and says goodbye again. You walk back into the house like you’re on top of the world. You couldn’t contain your excitement. That job if you could get it would be a dream. You’d be making so much more than you’re already making. You were so excited.

“You’re in a much better mood than when I last saw you,” Lee jokes. He’s sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper while he eats his breakfast. You notice that he made you a table setting- brought your coffee over and everything. You place the baking dish in the middle of the table and sit down.

“That was Arvin,” you say happily, and Lee feels his heart sink into his stomach.

“Oh yeah?” he asks, trying to not let on how his heart feels like it’s crushed. He knew it was only a matter of time before a boy would come around- whether it be Arvin or someone else your own age.

“Well, first he was just dropping off baked goods Lenora made,” you say gesturing to the dish on the table. “He’s going around to everybody, I guess. He mentioned the high school is looking for office secretaries- Lenora wanted me to know. Thirty-five dollars a week! I’m going to talk to Linda Carson about it Monday morning. Can you imagine? I could get a secretary job.”

Lee feels just a crash of relief wash over him. He’s so happy that you are looking at a new job. You deserve better than that bar. He knew you deserved the job just as much as any of the other candidates. You work harder than anyone he knows.

“That’s fantastic, sugar,” he replies. “You deserve it.”

“Do you think I have a chance?” you ask, feeling a little self-conscious- you knew you weren’t as experienced as other candidates would be for sure.

“Of course, I do,” he says, putting down the paper to give you his full attention. “I feel like you getting this job is a definite. There’s no doubt about it.”

“You’re just buttering me up,” you scoff, finishing up your food, making him chuckle. You may have also seen his cheeks redden, but you couldn’t say for sure. You finish off your coffee, and then bring you dishes back to the kitchen, leaving them in the sink. Lee turns his attention back to his newspaper and you head upstairs to get ready for your day.

When you head upstairs, Lee notices that you took the radio with you- and he could hear you were listening to music from upstairs. He decides before it’s too late to ring Mark Cunningham. The line rings a couple of times before Mark answers.

“Cunningham.”

“Morning, Mark. It’s Sheriff Bodecker,” he smirks.

“What can I do for you Sheriff?” he asks, the sound of shuffling paper comes through as well. Most likely flipping through the paper.

“I wanna call in that favor you owe me,” he says, casually pacing the living room, holding the receiver up to his ear and the base of the rotary phone in the other.

“Of course, Sheriff,” he says. A while back, Bodecker busted the principal making moonshine in his old barn that was at the end of his property. Lee looked the other way and was waiting for the right thing to call in a favor for.

“I want you to hire (Y/N) (Y/L/N) for the secretary job,” he says, looking to the stairs, making sure you aren’t coming. The music is still playing loudly from upstairs so he determines he’s still got time.

“That’s all?” Mark asked surprised.

“That’s all I want from you,” Lee replies. “I expect you can make that happen?”

“Without a doubt. When can she start?”

“Still have her come in for an interview. I don’t anyone else knowing I called you about this- including her.”

“Done.”

With that, Lee hangs up the phone, feeling really good about this decision. He knew how much that job meant to you- he could see it in your eyes and how excitedly you talked about it. He can’t wait to see you when you find out you get the position. He knows it’s going to make you so happy. He knows you’d be a fantastic candidate, but this just eliminates any doubt. He reasons that there isn’t much difference, since you were very likely to get it anyways. He just had to make sure.

He can picture you know, coming home from the interview- excited to tell him that you got the job. You’d be so excited you’d jump up and hug him tightly, just so overjoyed that you let your feelings take over. You’d wrap your legs and around his waist and he’d hold you up by holding the back of your thighs. You’d wrap your arms tightly around him and bury your head in the crook of his neck. You’d lift your head up to look at him, embarrassed at your actions and then he’d press his lips to yours. You’d gasp softly, but your lips would melt against his own and your arms would wrap tightly around his neck. He’d walk forward, pressing you up against the wall and he’d kiss your neck mumbling praises of congratulations against your skin as his name falls from your lips at how good he’d make you feel. It’s almost unbearable how bad he wants you.

He heads to him room to get ready for his day, but his mind is still clouded with thoughts of you. He thinks about how much he wants nothing more that to just pin you on his mattress. He wonders if you know how crazy you make him. Sometimes there’s something in your eye that makes him think you want him too, but he’s not sure. His better judgement holds him back from everything he wants to do. He thinks about how it must feel to have his head right in-between your thighs. Back in the kitchen together, he wanted to just get on his knees and worship you. The feeling of them pressing against him as he sucks on your clit and runs his tongue across your folds.

Serval hours later, he can’t shake the thoughts, even sitting in his office at the sheriff’s station- working on a Saturday yet again. He’s cooped up in his office, unable to get through any of the paperwork that has piled up on his desk. He’s thinking about you, again, but in this daydream, you’re bent over his desk- because you came by to see him on your break from work at the school. His office door locked and his blinds pulled so he can bend you over and take you right there- rough and fast, sending you back to work with a feeling of him still there between your legs well after you’re back at your own desk, still sore from the encounter.

“You got a visitor, Lee,” the intercom on his desk lights up.

“Send ‘em in,” he responds back, shaking his head to snap out of it. He needed to get a grip.

“Sorry I didn’t call,” you say, walking into his office. His eyes widen and he wonders if he’s still day dreaming. He discreetly pinches himself. You’re actually here, standing in his office, while he looks at you dumbfounded. Part of him would think he manifested it if he was a man of any faith. “You forgot this,” you say, putting his wallet on the desk. “You must have taken it out of your back pocket before falling asleep in the chair last night. It was laying on the coffee table. I figured I’d stop by with it while I was coming up this way anyways.”

“You’re a doll,” he grins, putting his wallet in his back pocket. “What are you doing?”

“I took the bus to the library to return some books, and now I’m going shopping for something to wear when I go in for an interview since I have the day off to go,” you explain. “I’m also probably going to get lunch after that before heading back home. I just didn’t want to be home in case that reporter stopped by. I’m not ready to talk to him yet.”

“I can take care of it,” he says, “He’ll make his way over here soon enough. I can talk to him.”

“You would do that for me?” you ask, the relief evident across your whole face.

“Yeah, I can talk to him, let him know you gave a statement here,” he says. You nod. “You know as much as he does, so it doesn’t matter if I tell him you don’t know shit or if you tell him.”

“You’re a lifesaver,” you sigh, so relieved thinking that you won’t have to hear from Henry Curtis again. “If he tells you anything about them… will you let me know?”

“Of course, sweetheart.”

“Thank you,” you say, hurriedly walking over behind him and quickly hugging his shoulders. You then are back by the door again before he can register the gesture. “Are you going to be home tonight?” you ask, your hand on the doorknob.

“Not until late,” he says reluctantly, and he can see the disappointment on your face- unless his mind was playing tricks on him.

“Okay,” you say finally, “Um, I’ll see you later then.”

“Bye, doll,” he says when you walk out of his office.

Are you going to be home tonight? Your voice lingers in his head. It was such a harmless phrase that could’ve just been one of curiosity. Maybe you were just asking because you were thinking about what you were doing for dinner. It most likely just meant nothing. But, the look on your face when he said no makes him think otherwise. Did it mean you cared? That you wanted to spend time with him? You wanted to see him and be with him as desperately as he needed you perhaps? Just the phrasing itself makes his brain feel like putty. It’s like you’re waiting up for him. It’s like you share the house in a way that’s much more than just him renting a room from you. It’s like you’re his and he’s yours. It’s like saying our house… our home. The question was so intimate and implied so much more about how you saw him and what he was to you. He knew seeing him as how he saw you was next to impossible, but you saw him as more than the Sheriff and more than just the jerk living in your house.

Part Four

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sword-dad-fukuzawa · 4 years

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Thoughts on Chuuya’s Character Song

I was going to do Atsushi’s next, but I figured I may as well do soukoku together. Also, this is really fucking hard with a hilariously limited understanding of Japanese and trying to cross reference poem translations with song lyrics, my god. Complaining now out of the way, this song is half as depressing as Dazai’s and twice as sexy, so buckle up, y’all. It’s a long one :p

No matter what kind of cliched game it is, I'll play until the end But I won't be satisfied with a scenario by a third-rate writer

Ah, an opening line that fits Chuuya to a tee. So, I figure he’s opening with the acknowledgement that many of the people he knows likes to treat him like a chess piece--namely, his boss and Dazai. He knows he’s just a player in the schemes of others, but he doesn’t particularly care about the fact that he’s being jerked around as long as it’s for some greater purpose. His tone seems to indicate that he resents this, at least a little, but his fiery dismissal says that it doesn’t matter to him in the end.

GOOD BYE, tainted clothes are no longer to be worn I simply wanted a way to kill time

Alright, multiple ways to interpret this bit. Goodbye in english, and a reference to the poem his ability is named after with “tainted”. The argument could be made he’s referring to Dazai, considering the title and references made in Dazai’s character song.

I’d actually argue he’s talking about the Sheep. It feels like he’s casting off his past with that organization, dismissing them with the words that they weren’t really important to him--just a way to kill time, even though we know that their betrayal cut him deeply. And it’s why he’s saying goodbye, and dismissing them as a part of his past. It’s an interesting parallel to the way Dazai talks about Chuuya himself in his own song, because the both of them have pasts that they’re trying to run from.

'In languor dreams of death' ... who was the one that said it?

That would be you, Chuuya. At least IRL Chuuya, in his very fancy poem “For the Tainted Sorrow”. But why this line?

I’ve puzzled it over for a while, but I don’t have a conclusion. Interesting that he opens with talking about death, though, considering how he brushes up against it almost every day by nature of his job.

The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison

This part is also oddly reminiscent of Dazai’s song. Chuuya’s saying that he feels trapped, like a bird in a cage that no longer interests him at all, and that he can’t escape no matter how much he laments. Which is an interesting translation choice, considering his Sheep Song poem can also be translated as “Lament of the Lamb” (though the words themselves in Japanese differ, so I can’t call this an actual reference).

BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY) Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances

But Chuuya doesn’t care. So what if he’s trapped? So what if escape is impossible? He’s still alive, he’s still holding it together. So he brushes it off as something that doesn’t really impact him much. This song seems very much like a massive middle finger to the shitty cards he’s been dealt. Chuuya’s saying that despite it all, he’s still going to turn the world upside down.

Part of me thinks the reference to the hat is a Rimbaud reference, since he got the hat from Rimbaud and it originally belonged to Verlaine. I feel like this is Chuuya acknowledging how those two people have influenced him, which...we don’t know about yet, as his backstory is still mostly unexplored.

Even if I get tired of the night and tear off my shackles That eye who sees eye to eye with Kierkegaard is also here

This is Chuuya saying that if he gets tired of the Port Mafia (remember, the night is the PM’s domain) there’s still someone who will make sure he can’t leave. After some googling, I’ve realized Kierkegaard is a Danish poet. But who is Chuuya referencing, who sees eye to eye with Kierkegaard? I’m pretty sure it’s Mori, but the JSTOR article I made an account for is 45 pages long and I’m working my way through it slowly. I’ll get back to y’all on this bit, but for now, I’m 90% sure this is Mori.

WOW OH [The best view worth more than a ten-billion masterpiece...] Let's stop messing around already

Ah, Chuuya, always ready for a fight. And this is definitely a reference to Dazai. This is what he says when he sees Dazai for the first time in four years, coming down the stairs to see his old enemy/friend/partner chained to the wall. If you need a memory refresh, it’s the scene where Dazai says “✨CHUUYA!✨”

Why, of all people... is the KEY CASE in that person's hand? In the moment we clashed, the one in control is me I will manipulate even the weight of this cut-short life

Who is “that person”? I’d hazard a guess that it’s Dazai, considering the previous line. The first line is him lamenting that Dazai seems to always have the answers, always to hold the key. But the next part is Chuuya reasserting his control. It’s Chuuya, fiercely defiant to the end, flipping another middle finger to the guy who keeps coming into his life to turn it upside down. Even his own mortality doesn’t faze him in the least. To Chuuya, it’s another obstacle to overcome.

LONELY DARKNESS MY SORROW, once it is opened by the key I'd rather just fall than go back to being alone Staring at the destroyed cage of this self, (GRAVITY) Slowly, I sing, "Not bad at all."

Chuuya, I love you, but why so many goddamn metaphors? Let’s break this down.

Firstly, there’s a swap from “darkness my sorrow” to “lonely darkness my sorrow”. Ignoring the key part for now, we can look at the second line where he says he’d rather fall then be alone again. I think this is a part of his trauma from how he was alone, with Arahabaki/as Arahabaki, for so many years. Chuuya very deliberately surrounds himself with people--first the Sheep, then the PM. He hates to be alone. And it’s an interesting counterpoint to Dazai, who always feels alone regardless of who he’s with by sheer virtue of how isolated his brain makes him feel.

Secondly, the cage metaphor. So the cage from earlier also seems to double as a metaphor for Chuuya himself, which makes sense. He’s technically a vessel for Arahabaki, and so inner conflict has been a part of his identity from the beginning. So once someone (possibly Dazai, possibly Mori, possibly even Rimbaud if you want to focus on how Rimbaud freed Arahabaki) frees him, it’s like he destroys the things that are holding him back. And he’s fine with that.

I’ll address the themes of destruction and the repeated screaming of “GRAVITYYYYY” at the end.

Even though it feels like I might be trapped, there is no room for sentiments I'll push myself to the limit and dye everything jet-black

Again, this is Chuuya brushing away his limitations. He’s still going to fight in spite of it all. He’s very goal oriented, liking to take action more than sitting back and thinking about it.

The world is a bird cage, faded in colour Even if I lament, I can't get out of this prison BUT NOW, DARKNESS MY SORROW I have not yet fallen apart So, as I laugh off this imposed inconvenience Let's overturn even the heavens and the earth (GRAVITY) Within the darkness, a shadow of a hat lightly dances.

And then this bit is just a repeated part, nothing new here. So, a few concluding things.

Firstly, Chuuya and Dazai sing about each other very differently. Chuuya seems to be almost nostalgic about Dazai. But Dazai rejects him entirely in his own song, and it’s an interesting counterpoint.

Secondly, the repeated themes of destruction and fighting. It’s honestly all Chuuya’s ever known, and the thing he’s best at. At this point, it’s a part of his identity, so it makes sense that it’s in his song.

Third, and this part interests me the most. Chuuya’s ability is gravity manipulation, right? And gravity is an attractive force that draws objects to things with the greatest mass. I just feel it’s kind of fitting, that Chuuya--terribly scared of being alone--has a power that brings people towards him.

Just a thought.

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flickeringart · 3 years

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Further exploration…

I’ve used this chart before when going through signs, houses and certain planetary aspects. You can find the post here.

I thought I’d move spontaneously with my own train of thought as it applies to this chart in order to explore it a bit more.

At a first glance, this person seems like a hopeful and ambitious person, hungry for expansion but conflicted, held back by insecurities and limitations. The world is an open road, a big playpen, an endless adventure for this person. All Sagittarius Rising people head out in life with a spirit of boldness and expectation, but seeing as the Ascendant and Jupiter (the chart ruler) are square Pluto-Uranus and Saturn, there are difficult dilemmas for this person to deal with. There’s probably resentment, fear, paranoia of being used and taken advantage of and strong emotional charges tied up with the desire for a good and abundant life. There’s certainly a motivation to work hard and use the all one’s inner resources to achieve wealth in the broad sense of the word. Jupiter is in the 7th house (of other people), Pluto-Uranus in the 8th (of intimate merging) and Saturn in the 2nd (material possessions). The potential success one can get out of cooperation (Jupiter in 7th) conflicts with the emotional intensity and tie to other people (Pluto in 8th) and one’s sense of responsibility and effort to acquire something of one’s own (Saturn in 2nd). The person feels burdened to acquire personal resources and may be harboring violent resentment (Saturn square Pluto) because of the influence that other people have over him (Pluto in 8th). The ease that is sought through cooperation (Jupiter in 7th) and partnering up with other people might be in painful conflict with the obligation to be financially independent (Saturn in 2nd). There’s suspicion and unpredictability in the sphere of intimate relations, a lot of storms and violent passions that might rob the person of stability and structure. This is not an easy dynamic to deal with and one might feel like there’s a difficult contradiction between the passionate intensity and positive expansion that is derived from other people (Pluto in 8th, Jupiter in 7th) and hard reality of having to achieve something on one’s own and stand independently (Saturn in the 2nd).

The pressure and requirement of being self-sustaining and solid financially seems to have wounded the person in some way, seeing as Saturn is conjunct Chiron, the archetype of the wounded healer. The challenges and hurdles to overcome might not have been possible to face. Earning money might prove difficult, or at least it’s done in a very cautious and controlled way according to convention. Saturn represents the concept of responsibility and duty – Chiron represents a wound that is impossible to heal but is coped with through philosophical approach or practical skills. There’s wounding around discipline, structure and authority and there’s probably deep inadequacy around being truly effective in the “real” world of objects and assets – but it’s coped with through adopting certain attitudes and deliberately finding practical ways to cope. The person might secure a stable and reliable source of income but doesn’t get the feeling of being of true importance, perhaps there’s a feeling of being replaceable, not naturally suited for the work that is done or being undervalued and underpaid. The Saturn-Chiron conjunction sits in Pisces, which goes well together with the 10th house Neptune. There’s a sacrificial and heavy emotional approach to career and earning a living, the person might not have any particular desire for “making something of himself” in the world and becomes more of a servant of the needs and demands of society. It would seem as if this dynamic is easily accepted by the personality, seeing as the Sun in Cancer trines Neptune and Saturn, creating a grand trine figuration in the chart. The person derives identity through the disciplined and sacrificial components of the psyche. The Sun in the 7th indicates that purpose, meaning and self-actualization happen through other people, possibly with a life partner that cooperate as to provide some kind of care and safety (Sun in Cancer) and that is gentle, imaginative and responsible (Neptune and Saturn).

Let’s go deeper into the relational realm. Venus sits in Leo the 8thhouse conjunct Mercury, which means that love is a deep a passionate pursuit for this person. It is felt through soul-touching intimacy and strong emotional binds. It would appear as if this person derives a lot of his experiences from other people, in other words, he’s accessing himself through close proximity and entanglement with others. This person doesn’t feel loved and can’t really love until he’s gotten to the most raw and real parts of himself or another. Venus is tied up with Mercury, which indicates a skill with words in expressing fondness and adoration. When he’s in love he’s communicative, flexible, exciting and very emotionally expressive. However, the sacrificial element of Neptune is squaring Venus, hinting at a proclivity to fall for an image or illusion, seeing people through rose-colored glasses and hoping to be saved through romantic union. This person might be disappointed in love and find out that one is prone to give of oneself to the point of depletion. The dilemma that has to be tackled has to do with boundaries – how far one is willing to extend oneself in the name of sustaining relationships or how much one is able to demand of a partner. There’s a savior-victim-redeemer complex tied up with the idea of love – individual integrity has to be sacrificed. It might be that the person feels that the only the attractive quality that he possesses is the one of complete acceptance and sacrifice of individual pride as characteristic of “spiritual love”. Neptune sits in the 10th, the house of the mother, and no doubt she must’ve been quite emotionally consuming, dreamy and yearning for the biggest treasures of life, the greatest happiness and the greatest love without boundaries. Of course, there’s no such thing as boundlessness in the physical realm, and acting like there is might lead to over-consumption (seeing as Neptune is inconjunct Jupiter and square Venus). “Where did love and happiness go?” is the question of such a person and the answer, as always with Neptune is “down the drain”. The lack of structure and definition that is characteristic of Neptune always become painfully real sooner or later. The person might be quite able to keep up with his job and career endeavors in Neptunian style of compassion and selfless service (seeing as Neptune is trine Saturn, the planet of discipline and material structure) but might not be as fortunate in love or abundance. Relationships require some effort as much as anything else in the “real” world. A lot of painful disillusionment and unfulfilled dreams might surface in relationships seeing as both Jupiter and Venus in relational houses makes aspects Neptune.

As already touched upon briefly, it would seem that the person has an inclination toward engaging in writing and literary pursuits. The Venus-Mercury conjunction points to a real sensitivity and feeling for communication, Mars in Libra (sextile Venus-Mercury) is in the 9th house of higher education points to a fine-tuned and socially accommodating drive to achieve greater intellectual understanding of the world. Aries, the sign ruled by Mars is in the 3rd house of interaction and communication, suggesting an inclination to assert the will through mental engagement. Not to mention that the Sagittarius Ascendant is a big indicator of the scholar type, the lecturer and the preacher. There’s a lot of personal strength derived from being knowledgeable for this person – sharing and perhaps imposing one’s insights on the environment (Mars 9th house, Aries in 3rd). Mars in Libra sextile Venus-Mercury and the Moon, which is indicative of a quite benign and socially acceptable Mars. There are no difficult aggression problems in this person as far as the chart can tell, the way he goes about things are quite smooth and void of severe friction. The martial drive is quite different from the plutonic passion; the latter being something the person would have more of an issue with. Martial drive is action that is taken on the behalf of the self in order to move forward, to move beyond obstacles and problems. The Mars drive is our personal capacity to achieve. Plutonic passion is inner emotional intensity that is ultimately outside of personal control – it’s the primitive survival mechanism that works in all kinds of quietly powerful ways. Although this person might consciously pursue is ambitions in quite pleasant and non-violent ways, there’s a lot of emotional charge stirring below the conscious surface that should be evident to anyone that comes close enough (Pluto in the 8th) and it might be extremely destructive and undermining, not only to others but to himself as well.

Let’s take a look at the Moon and the emotional nature. It’s in Sagittarius which means that the person needs to be “on the go” to have things to look forward to, to keep moving and occupied with rewarding and fun activities. The fire signs are all about honoring the immortal spirit which means that the person has to find a way to keep the spirits high and the energy flowing in order to feel good, this is especially true since the Moon makes a trine to Venus-Mercury in Leo. Mentally stimulating and warm environments that allows for spontaneity is what this person wants and needs. The placement in the 12th house echoes the Neptunian influence, pointing to an emotionally undefined and obscure person that has a hard time finding personal identity in emotion. Emotions might be something that just flows through, leaving little to no trace as they continuously fluctuate. The 12th house is related to family issues from the past and it’s possible that emotions were not something that was dealt with as real and important. Emotional neglect and isolation might’ve been the case. Since the Moon relates to the mother, she was probably quite avoidant of her own emotional truth, remaining diffuse and undifferentiated, fluctuating with the dictates of the environment and constantly mirroring others (which is confirmed by the 10th house Neptune as well).

Let’s end with taking a brief look at the father. The Sun is in Cancer in the 7th, possibly pointing to someone who is sensitive and emotionally driven, diplomatic, keen to establish a strong social identity and take advantage (not in a bad way necessarily) of other people’s skills. He would have a good sense of responsibility and duty (Sun trine Saturn) as a natural inclination toward artistic pursuits and heightened sensitivity to the imaginative realm (Sun trine Neptune). He would also be quite intense, determined and persevering, considering the Sun sextile Pluto aspect, and original, preoccupied with ideas and potential considering the Sun sextile Uranus aspect. Taurus is in the 4thhouse, indicating a Venusian tilt, a taste for the pleasure of materialism and personal possessions.

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bloody-wonder · 3 years

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Hopefully you're still taking asks lol, I believe in captive prince that Laurent has Damen raped at one point and that it's not ever really resolved? Which leads to the romance seeming unrealistic, correct me if I'm wrong, the author tried to resolve this problem in the 4th book but it wasnt satisfactory? What, in your opinion, made the attempt in the 4th book not convincing? And what do you think would have been a better way to try and have them resolve this issue?

*i’m posting this in the main tag bc i want to engage more with the capri fandom and find mutuals. if you don’t want to see these characters criticized and discussed do yourself a favor and don’t read this

how can you “resolve” rape? i don’t think there is a way for a character who committed it to come back from that in a way acceptable to all readers. no matter how much they repent, develop and atone for their actions they will still remain a person who commited rape. so the real question is not whether it can be resolved and how, but whether it can be forgiven (or whether you can still appreciate this character despite it) - and that is the question every reader has to answer for themselves and there are no wrong or right answers. obviously lots of readers sympathize with laurent at the end of the story and choose, consciously or not, to forgive what he did in book one. many others just can’t look past what he did and so the grand romantic ending rings hollow to them bc they see it as a victim getting together with their abuser.

on damen’s part pacat consistently chose the path of forgiveness: he is somewhat mad at laurent in the beginning but becomes gradually less so as he gets to know him better and by the time he knows he’s in love with him forgiveness isn’t even a question - it already happened behind the scenes. that is probably one of the main differences between laurent and damen: while laurent is someone whose entire personality, motivation and character arc are founded on holding a grudge and never letting go, for damen forgiveness occurs just naturally as if offence and trauma were a bruise gradually fading without leaving any mark.

this difference and how it plays out in the last book is actually something that made the ending feel unsatisfying for me - not the fact that the rape was “not resolved”. in the first half of kings rising laurent has to confront his own cognitive dissonance about having fallen in love with his nemesis and he indeed has lots of inner turmoil until he just doesn’t. obviously in order for the romance to work he had to let go of his hatred for “damianos the princekiller” but for such a resentful unforgiving character something had to happen in order to make this change of heart look plausible and authentic. i’m not a writer so i have no idea what that should’ve been exactly, but it should’ve definitely been something that ties in with both of their character arcs. what we had instead was a freaking baby - a bad plot device if i ever saw one. as for damen, the romance plot resolution on his part was much more consequential than on laurent’s - but only bc pacat chose to write no inner conflict for him. damen is not conflicted about falling in love with laurent - at least not to the extent you’d expect from a person who went through everything laurent did to damen. that is a choice which is definitely in character for his personality and is realistic insofar as there are lots of people who forget and forgive rather quickly, but which can also be perceived as problematic or simply narratively unsatisfying. as for the former i personally don’t think that capri romanticizes abuse - all of it, including rape, is definitely framed as something bad - and as for the latter, i have to agree that being not mad enough at laurent definitely makes damen a less interesting character. the reason why i love dark enemies to lovers stories like capri is bc i’m curious about how the characters will resolve what seems to be an insurmountable conflict (”you killed my beloved brother which ruined my life” - “you had me raped”) - so i lose interest when there’s no conflict to resolve or when it just goes away bc characters are in love now or bc they “have it in their heart to forgive” or something. however, i admit that i don’t know which way of resolution would be more satisfying.

laurent is also made to atone for his actions and redeem himself in the form of grand and stupid self-sacrifice which is a culmination of his personality gradually changing to being nice and companionable (and stupid) throughout the last book. other than that, in the epilogue short story (the summer palace) he is shown to regret his past actions towards damen to which damen says something like “we both did bad things but it doesn’t matter now cause we’re together and we know we won’t do them again”. these are pacat’s attempts at laurent’s redemption arc which ring hollow to some readers - either bc they are perceived as “not enough” or as “not necessary”. i suppose those in the first camp either deem laurent irredeemable period or they think that he should’ve done something more convincing or apologized (idk how that would work but apparently it’s very important for some people to hear a verbal apology even if it doesn’t change anything). as you can guess, i’m in the second camp - i think that having laurent suddenly become reckless in attempts to redeem himself is a disservice to his character arc and frankly speaking not necessary, seeing as damen has forgiven him regardless.

ultimately, i’m a character-driven reader who is also aroace so when i pick up a romance i’m interested in who the characters are, why they are drawn to each other and how they overcome the obstacles to their relationship which is why i am left dissatisfied if in order for romance to be endgame the characters sacrifice who they are, or if i don’t understand why they like each other or if the obstacles just fall down when needed. i feel like with capri everything was very engaging and complex for 2,5 books (which really makes this series stand out from among similar dark romances) but in the last half of book 3 things go awry. “rape not being resolved” is just a small part of that.

#captive prince #damen of akielos #laurent of vere #kings rising #capri mine #asks #somehow writing capri meta is much more difficult than writing aftg meta #i start answering the questions and then my thoughts just scatter and in the end you get this post #clear and concise answers? not on this blog #if there are consistensy issues between this and my older posts this is bc my opinions are constantly evolving #also i'm currently doing my third re-read so i think about capri a lot #just started book two yesterday #i'm about to get to the best parts

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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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Can you contrast debilitating (like can't get out of your house) shyness/ low self-esteem from the isolation which enneagram 5s tend to go through/prefer?

I can understand the confusion, but shyness and social anxiety really don’t explain the Enneagram 5 traits of detachment, emotional emptiness, or avarice.

Signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder can include persistent:

Fear of situations in which you may be judged

Worrying about embarrassing or humiliating yourself

Intense fear of interacting or talking with strangers

Fear that others will notice that you look anxious

Fear of physical symptoms that may cause you embarrassment, such as blushing, sweating, trembling or having a shaky voice

Avoiding doing things or speaking to people out of fear of embarrassment

Avoiding situations where you might be the center of attention

Having anxiety in anticipation of a feared activity or event

Enduring a social situation with intense fear or anxiety

Spending time after a social situation analyzing your performance and identifying flaws in your interactions

Expecting the worst possible consequences from a negative experience during a social situation

Source

Enneagram 5 Identifying Traits:

Retentiveness: a lack of generosity in money, energy, and time, and insensitive to the needs of others. Holds onto what is in their mind at the expense of the outer world and external stimulation. They “get stuck” in thought. Pessimism toward the idea of receiving care and protection from others or having the power to demand or take what they need.

Not Giving: avoidance of commitment, the need to be completely free, unbound, unobstructed, in possession of the fullness of themselves. They horde now, to protect the future and “going without.’

Pathological Detachment: a characteristic aloofness. They are loners accustomed to solitude who does not feel lonely, and has trouble making friends, because of their lack of motivation to ‘relate’ to people. Prone to ‘giving up on’ relationships, both formed and unformed. The 5 minimizes and inhibits their anger by stepping outside it.

Fear of Engulfment: the 5 fears dependency, so avoids facing the needs and demands of others. May become docile to avoid conflict, which might arise unpleasant emotions that drain the 5’s inner resources. The 5 feels a relationship entails alienation from one’s own preferences and authentic expression, so feels stressed by it and needs to recover from it and find oneself again through aloneness.

Autonomy: the 5 develops ‘distance machinery’ to give up on people and on relationships. If one cannot get others to satisfy their desires, the 5 needs to build up their resources, stocking them up in an ivory tower. The 5 is miserly as a result and sometimes non-self-indulgent, not even allowing oneself to use what one has, in case it runs out.

Lack of Feeling: the 5 represses needs and suppresses anger. They lose awareness of their own and others’ feelings; be indifferent, cold, non-empathetic, and apathetic. The 5 struggles to enjoy pleasure, since they have a diminished capacity to experience it. Nor does it rank high on their list; they would rather keep a safe distance from others.

Postponement of Action: acting is to invest oneself, and put one’s energies into use, which the 5 resists. Action requires interaction, so when the drive to relate is so low, it lessens their interest in action. Action requires enthusiasm for something, and a presence of powerful feelings—which is absent in an apathetic individual. Action is revealing oneself to the world, which goes against the 5’s need for privacy. The 5 wants to keep their intentions hidden, so develops excessive restraint. They hover between negativity and the avoidance of action.

Cognitive Orientation: the 5 is introspective and intellectual. They may substitute living for reading and indulge in ‘endless preparation’ for life. But the 5 never feels ‘ready enough’ to move into action. They would rather organize and classify their knowledge than use it in the public sphere. They prefer to dwell in abstraction rather than concreteness, intellectualization rather than direct experience. The 5 only offers the results of their thoughts to the world, not its raw material. If not careful, the 5 becomes a mere witness to life, a non-attached yet keen observer of it who seeks to replace life with understanding.

Sense of Emptiness: the suppression of feelings and avoidance of life impoverishes their experiences. They experience an inner vacuum and may ‘feel faintly.’ They choose to be a critical outsider rather than an active participant.

Guilt: the 5 is guilt prone, despite its ‘buffering’ from a general distancing from emotion. This guilt manifests as a vague sense of inferiority, a vulnerability to intimidation, awkwardness, self-consciousness, and their own hidden nature. The 5 withdraws love as a response to the loveless outer world. In embracing an attitude of loveless disregard, he feels guilt at his own detachment.

High Super-Ego: the response to guilt is to feel driven and demand much out of himself and others. The 5 is an inward perfectionist and identifies with its inner “underdog.”

Negativism: the 5 wishes to subvert the perceived demands of others and of oneself, to avoid feeling bound to them. They “wish” not to do what they feel they should, not to give what is expected, even when the source of the request is internal rather than social. The 5 risks turning something they truly want to do into a “should” that provokes their own internal resentment or rebellion.

Hypersensitivity: in a low pain tolerance and fear of rejection. The 5 adopts emotional dullness to guard against hypersensitivity. The 5 feels a sense of weakness, vulnerability, and sensitivity in dealing with the world and its inhabitants. The 5 can appear gentle, soft, and harmless. They do not want to disturb how things are and would prefer to do no harm. This comes from the 5’s unacknowledged guilt, loneliness, and emptiness. One who feels ‘full’ can stand more pain than one who feels ‘empty.’ Lack of pleasure and feeling insignificant can factor into the 5’s decision to avoid the pain of frustrating relationships through the choice of isolation or autonomy.

Source.

#question #enneagram #enneagram 5

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crown-prince-zuko · 4 years

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Zuko

You asked for it....

Zuko, also known as the traitorous prince of the Fire-Nation In Avatar the Last Airbender, is a well-developed example of a character with a redemption arc, but he is also much more than that. Simply, Zuko’s trials and tribulations are an incredible way to show the audience his development. This short narrative will present why Zuko is such a good and everlasting character.

Zuko as a child was raised by his mother, Ursa, and his father Ozai. What is interesting about these two being his parents is the clear difference in perspective as well as moral values. If one examines the flashbacks that Zuko has throughout the series, one can notice that Ursa is the one to usually praise Zuko for kind and loving behavior, and chastises Azula for the behavior she displays. On the other hand, Ozai constantly praises Azula for the same behavior that her mother criticizes and scolds Zuko for the behavior that Ursa praises. In development, children are learning from their parents what is acceptable behavior, so it would be natural for the child to latch on to the parent that praises them more because it is a positive experience. Zuko’s positive reinforcement as a child from his mother for doing actions that are generally perceived as good lead to Zuko’s inevitable conflict with his father. There is no way that Zuko would have not had a conflict with Ozai because Zuko did and always will believe his mother’s morals as truths because he was positively reinforced when he showed those same values. This also goes for Azula since she received most of her positive reinforcement from her father, it is natural for that to develop into resentment towards her mother. This leads to a secondary point of why Azula and Zuko were so competitive as children, since each one was receiving scorn from one parent or the other they felt like they had to fight and pry for the attention of both. Azula’s form of getting her mother’s attention was lashing out, and Zuko’s was trying to live up to his father’s expectation. Therefore, from Zuko’s childhood flashbacks alone we can determine why Zuko would have an inherent inner moral conflict, since he was raised by his mother who taught him the opposite values of his father, but at the same time longing for the affection of his father. This is why Zuko is so morally complex.

Moving on to Zuko from the time his mother left to the time that Zuko was banished we see a clear change in motivation for Zuko. Since Zuko’s mother is no longer in the picture, Zuko is left only with the one parent who constantly scorned him as a child. Therefore, Zuko’s only current motivation is to try and gain his father’s approval. Since there is no one there to reassure him that he is just as good as Azula, just in a different way, Zuko now places all his bets on trying to get his father to praise him, because he felt like the one major force of support in his life abandoned him, so obviously something must be wrong with him. This is rational thinking to a child experiencing abandonment issues, especially since he was never told why his mother left.

Now that Zuko’s main goal is to get approval from his father, he is doomed to fail. This is because, as discussed previously, Zuko was raised on a different moral path then what his father had wanted, and therefore can NEVER be fully aligned with his father. This large difference in perspective will lead to conflict between the two inevitably because Ozai has a need for control over those around him. This is frequently displayed in the series since he actively seeks to be seen as higher than everyone, even his own children and father. This is also shown when Ozai burns and banishes Zuko because most reasonable adults would not feel threatened at the words of a thirteen year old, but Ozai did because he has a delusion that anyone who disagrees with him is against him. This is also shown to be a trait that Azula inherits because when she is left to control the Fire Nation herself she ends up banishing everyone who says even the smallest remark against her wishes, even when it is about her own well-being due to the delusion that her mother made people betray her. This is because Azula feels that neither her father nor her mother loved her, whereas Zuko knows that his mother loved him.

When Zuko has his morality sickness in Ba Sing Se after releasing Appa we come to understand just how deep rooted the conflicting narrative must be for him in his own head. On one end he most likely has his mother and uncle’s teachings praising him for rescuing Appa and helping the world towards peace, but on the other he has the part of his father and his sister who he knew viewed this type of act as a sign of weakness. This would not be so much of an issue if Zuko did not actively wish for the approval of his father, and his father’s love.

Zuko’s change in perspective that leads him to join the avatar is a crucial one. When Zuko starts out in season one he was sent on a mission that Ozai had believed he would never achieve, but Zuko was naive and took the bait because he would do anything to be seen as good in his father’s eyes at the time. Then we move to in season 2 where Zuko begins to learn of just how vastly different things are without him having the constant intrusive Ozai in his life and controlling him since Iroh is showing him the nature of people’s lives outside the reach of his father. When Zuko departs from his uncle and travels through the Earth Kingdom alone, he begins to learn that his father did not only hurt him, but other people. Innocent people. This is important to note because to Zuko, he is not innocent, and when his father burned him and banished him he fully believed that the action was deserved, and that his father’s cruelty was his fault. We can tell this because even though Zuko has his uncle to tell him that he doesn’t need his father’s approval, Zuko refuses to believe it, and chases the Avatar like a bloodhound. He, in season one especially, took Ozai’s perception of him and viewed it as the truth. This is why Iroh’s quote, "IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO LOOK INWARD AND START ASKING YOURSELF THE BIG QUESTION: WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT DO YOU WANT?" Is so drastically important to Zuko’s development, because at his stages between season one and two, Zuko’s only concept of himself is who he longs to be in his father’s eyes.

Zuko is such a great and in depth character because his growth and his conflicts are wound into him from his childhood like DNA. This is also why a huge part of Zuko’s story line revolves around destiny, because Zuko was DESTINED to go against his father from the pure fact that his morality and his perception clashed so severely with that of his father. Zuko is such a brilliant character because from the smallest of lines or the simplest of flashbacks we learn so much of why Zuko was bound to have a moral conflict and why he became the person he is when he reaches season 3 and joins Aang. In order to be who he truly was, Zuko had to abandon his title as the prince, and his title as Zuko so he could begin to learn who he really is with no labels, and no expectations attached. Zuko is the man he is in season 3 because of his mother and Iroh’s teachings, and his journey as someone who had no expectations held to them (this is talking about him being ‘Lee’ for a majority of his time in the Earth Kingdom). When Zuko declares his name in the small town he was in in “Zuko Alone” this is when he finally starts to separate his father’s vision of himself, and who he truly is.

@king-of-the-dots

#atla #atla rewatch #zuko #azula #character study #avatar the last airbender #avatar #avatar the last airbender aang #uncle iroh #long post

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peemil · 3 years

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☕evangelion 😳

y'all are killing me

the more time i spend apart from this show, the more i find myself kind of hating it shsjhl;hjsdhjso;d. i am somehow now in an even worse place mentally than i was when i first watched evangelion but even so i am NOT letting myself fall in the same traps of woobifying shinji and excusing the behaviors i shared with him and vice versa.

starting with my most general take, i don't like the rebuilds. like, at all. granted, i haven't seen 3.0 + 1.0 yet, and i will be avoiding spoilers until there is an official english translation, but i feel like the rebuilds are kind of what you get when you listen a little too hard to people who didn't get the psychological parts of eva and spent the latter half of the series wishing it would go "back" to being a regular mecha anime (which it never was in the first place). the rebuilds lack a lot of the same internal conflicts that drive the characters (especially shinji), and higher budget means the rebuilds can be more direct in their storytelling and less reliant on alternative ways of communicating ideas, which causes the rebuilds to lose some of the avant-garde present in the original series. as a result, it's jarring to see some of the attempts made at this in 3.0, and painful to watch these attempts fail, as they have no real precedent in the film series. the best way for me to explain the rebuilds is they feel like sterilized and polished, but hollow versions of the original anime series. but maybe i'm just biased, because none of the things i liked about the original are present in the films.

on to more minutiae... i've said it once and i'll say it again, asuka langley soryu is a LESBIAN and there's nothing anyone can do to make me stop reading her character in this way. the only male characters she is depicted as having any romantic feelings towards in the series just (unintentionally) so... comphet. her obsessive flirting with kaji is rooted in her need to prove her worth as an adult, i.e., to prove to others that she is something she inherently is not. plus, he's older, and he's conventionally attractive, so if she didn't have feelings for him (or at least publicly perform having feelings for him), she'd be out of her mind, right? asuka is also someone shown to pursue connections out of convenience (literally citing it as her primary reason for wanting to be friends with rei), and any intimacy she shares with shinji (i.e., their kissing scene) is done only because 1. she's bored 2. shinji is the closest person available. i find the notion that she's a tsundere hiding her real feelings for him laughable, because we've seen what asuka is like around people she genuinely likes and whom she wants to like: the hatred she shows for rei takes a different form from her hatred for shinji: whereas asuka is disgusted by shinji, she is resentful towards rei. her resentment towards rei curiously begins only after rei rejects asuka's offer of friendship, so i am inclined to believe that asuka's feelings of anger when she sees rei receives more respect than she believes she does at nerv are compounded by the fact that she wanted to like rei and have a connection with rei, but wasn't permitted to do so. we also get to see how asuka acts around the one person with whom asuka is able to form a meaningful connection with, whom she lets herself trust and open up to: hikari. asuka actually has fun with hikari and feels safe enough around her to not only seek refuge with her and her family in her time of need, but also to admit that her rage is mostly towards none other than herself. her behavior towards shinji is nothing like her behavior towards either of these characters, but it is not much different from her behavior towards kensuke and toji, two other boys in her class, so maybe... maybe she just doesn't like boys? lol. i'm aware that asuka is genuinely homophobic and awful in the episode 24 drafts, and that it was in no way, shape, or form the writers' intent to turn that into some sort of commentary on internalized homophobia. but with the canon footage that did get animated, i'm really not sure how else i'm supposed to analyze this aspect of her character.

similarly, i don't appreciate how many fans will treat headcanoning shinji as gay instead of bi is somehow "bi erasure." number one, shinji's behavior and attitudes towards the women around him is actually kind of appalling, so i wouldn't necessarily want to use his objectification of and acts of violence against their bodies as particularly strong evidence that he's genuinely attracted to women. number two, of course a show about a young man made in the late 90's is going to try to portray the people to whom he is attracted primarily as women. partially because they can't start from the get-go with him having his teenage sexual awakening with another male—for a mainstream anime, that wouldn't be profitable—and partially because this is an anime and showing women and girls in a sexual light is profitable. and given shinji's role of audience surrogate, of course he is going to be the one doing the ogling and sexualizing because he is us, and after all, it is the viewer who wants to see the anime tiddies, no? shinji's more sexual encounters with the women in his life are always either deeply awkward, uncomfortable, and even unnatural, or they completely obectify and commodify the bodies of the women in question. for this reason, i have always seen these moments as existing without genuine attraction: only either confusion (because these situations really are quite blatantly sexual) or simply a disingenuous performance of the attraction shinji thinks he should be displaying, manifesting as the same objectification of women he has seen men exhibit for all of his life—it's little more than a mimicry of the bad behavior he has grown up watching, because that's what he thinks attraction towards women is supposed to look like. conversely, his actions with kaworu, while skittish, seem to come much more organically. shinji is constantly and consistently drawn to kaworu, in addition to being willing to open up to kaworu in ways he doesn't let himself with any other person. granted, kaworu is the only person to give shinji the love he desperately needs and craves throughout the entire course of the series, but the fact that kaworu is the first person shinji genuinely acts like a kid his age with a massive crush in a way that doesn't feel blatantly scripted around, as well as the fact that shinji goes on to feel more slighted by kaworu's perceived betrayal than any mistreatment he experiences from anyone in the whole course of the series (save for his literal father)... idk. sus lol

been awhile since i've done a proper rewatch of this show so i can't speak super generally since i unfortunately don't remember too much. one thing i will say though, i LOVE how the series is very upfront about the fact that shinji's loneliness and trauma (and loneliness and trauma in general) are going to be core themes in the series from the start. people say the first 6 episodes are slow just because they don't have as much action as some of the episodes in the middle of the series, but i remember speeding through them in one sitting because i wanted to understand more about shinji and his inner workings; i was fascinated by his psychology. people famously refer to evangelion as a bait-and-switch, and maybe that's true to a degree, because i don't think anyone really saw the shift to more trippy animation coming, but the psychological themes present in the latter parts of the series are still very present in episodes 1-4. i'm also amused by people who say they're "caught off guard" by the last four or so episodes, because the major shift towards being a show primarily about psychology really begins in episode 16, when eva unit 01 is consumed by leliel and shinji has to confront the "self within his self" for the first time in the train car of his mind. i know it begins as just another angel fight but like... guys... how did you miss that... episode 16, because it really is where this shift begins, is actually my favorite episode in the entire series. that, and it was where i was first introduced to this hegelian concept of each person functioning both as an actor or operator who carries out actions, as well as an audience perceiving and observing their actions, their thoughts, and themself. which, to a degree, solidifies the notion that anything and everything technically could be considered performance. it's made my work much, much easier and my day-to-day life much, much more dramatic.

#nge #he scream at own follower #i'm sorry for talking so much about shinji and asuka. the worst part is that theoretically i could say even more #i haven't even started with rei #though she reminds me of someone i lost contact with so i get too emotional about her to say much of any real value

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anxiousnerdwritings · 4 years

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I just freaked out a little when I saw that you write for Stargirl. Can I possibly get some yandere headcanons for Rick Tyler? He's my favorite and there's like zero content for him. Thank you 🥰

Yandere Rick Tyler/Hour-Man Jr.

2nd request: Can you do general yandere for rick tyler from stargirl?

Rick doesn't have a relationship or connection with anyone. He's filled with anger and hatred, having angry outburst and even threatening people. The other students purposely avoid him for a reason, not wanting to get in his way and that's how Rick wants it. He doesn't want anyone trying to be his friend, he doesn't want to deal with another person, he's already caught up in his own self-destructive behavior. That is until he meets you.

For some reason he's always able to find you in the crowd of students. No matter what he's doing, where he is, or how he's feeling in the moment, you're the first thing that he really notices. He's eyes never fail to be on you at some point.

Hell, Rick doesn't even know you or has ever said a single word to you, but you're the only one who has inadvertently helped him. When he's feeling so angry that he wants to hit something, you're face will pop into his head and he feels himself calm down. He doesn't know why or what it is, he may even be resentful towards you for it, but you make him feel something other than anger.

Rick will feel some resentment at first, he wants to be angry and your unknowingly messing that up for him. You'll catch him glaring at you in class or in the lunchroom and you're a little uneasy about it, he looks like he wants to hurt you or something and you're scared to say the least.

He doesn't really want to hurt you but he wants you to stop what you're doing to him, stop making him not feel angry, stop making him feel something other than hatred. He's more scared with himself and how he's feeling, than he is mad at you. He doesn't understand what's going on with him and he's doesn't know how he should be feeling.

After Rick's weird behavior, you ended up not going to school for awhile and Rick thought this was great. He didn't have to see you and feel those weird feelings, he felt like this was just what he needed. Or so he thought.

He was good for the first few days, then he started catching himself looking around the classroom and lunchroom for you, progressively getting more anxious the longer you weren't at school. He was really becoming on edge. He couldn't go throughout the whole day not looking for you, the anxious shaking of his leg getting worse.

When you are back at school after being sick, he's so relieved, he'd have to catch himself from running to you and bombarding you with questions. And it's then that he comes to the conclusion of his feelings. He must love you or something, right?

Rick isn't the best at conveying his emotions especially the good ones. He won't know how to go about talking to you, maybe being paired together for a project or something. He would try his best to be less aggressive and standoffish. He doesn't want you to be scared of him or hate him.

He will be possessive. He doesn't want you leaving him, whether your together or not he won't let it happen. When he does find out about his parents and becoming Hour-Man, he'll have a little more confidence.

He will get extremely jealous, especially after the two of you are together. He doesn't want you looking at anyone other than him. He'll pick a fight with anyone who talks to you or looks at you too long. This boy won't hesitate to throw hands with anybody and everybody. He has no shame in it either. He sees it as protecting you and your relationship.

Rick can be delusional about your relationship, thinking you're already in one when you're clearly not. The feeling you give him of having someone there for you, albeit inadvertently in your case, gets him high. He'll become addicted to having someone important again. He hasn't felt that since his parents died and he doesn't want to lose that.

He'll try his hardest to be better for both you and himself, mostly for you though. But he's still dealing with his inner turmoil and will have the occasional angry outburst but it's not directed towards you, never at you.

Rick would never ever want to hurt you and there is an underlying fear that he might. He wouldn't know what to do if he accidentally did hurt you. He couldn't live with himself he ever did anything harmful to you.

Being in an actual relationship with Rick is really something. He doesn't know what he's doing or what he should be doing. This is his first ever relationship and he's completely clueless. But that doesn't mean he won't try his damndest to make you happy, he will.

It'll go without saying that Rick is pretty insecure. He knows you could be with someone else, someone more capable of giving you the love and attention you need. Someone who is a lot more stable and knows what they need to give in a relationship. But Rick doesn't want to give you up to anyone. He wants to be the one to make you happy and to be with you, not someone else.

He'll have a lot of conflicting moments with himself. He wants to you to be happy but he wants you to be happy with him. Rick can be selfish too, linking it to losing his parents and being stuck with his shitty uncle. Doesn't he deserve to have something good in his life for once? Can't he be happy too? You've filled a dark and lonely void in his life and he can't let you leave him now, not after feeling the only bit of happiness he's felt in awhile.

#yandere rick tyler #yandere stargirl #yandere rick tyler imagine #yandere dc comics #yandere dc imagine #yandere dc #yandere writings #yandere imagines #yandere #rick tyler #yandere rick tyler x reader #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #stargirl #stargirl imagine

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bisexualdaemon · 3 years

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I came to some realizations after Azriel’s bonus chapter.

a) it took place in the middle of the book, not the end. This was also relatively close to the time where Elain kept stating that she wanted a human mate, not a fae.

b) I think Azriel is extremely desperate for love. Do I think he feels some sort of attraction (whether sexual or romantic) towards Elain? Yes. Do I think that he’s also just extremely needy for love after seeing his two brothers find their mates in quick succession and now he sees his chance to find a partner himself after lining after the same girl for 500 years? Yes.

c) Azriel needs to fix his damn self because I don’t like the fact that he said he hadn’t thought further then bedding Elain when she seems like a sweet girl who has a whole lot more character exploring to come (or at least I hope so). Also dislike how Lucien respects Azriel and the 2 seemed to get along quiet well throughout the book, yet Azriel was ready to legit kill Lucien who is an absolute gem to me.

d) I find it interesting how the bonus chapter started with Elain and Azriel and ended with Gwyn and Azriel. Might be foreshadowing, might be a build up for angst, idk.

e) I can’t wait for that necklace re gift to blow up in Azriel’s face.

f) I don’t like how Elain is treating Lucien. It may be the fact that she doesn’t want to accept that she is now Fae and has a Fae mate, but at least talk to the man or at the very least be civil to him. Lucien is one of my favourite characters and that dude just can’t catch a break. I’m not saying she has to accept him (because no man is entitled to Elain, she is her own woman and should be treated as such) but don’t string my poor fox boy around. And especially don’t entertain the idea of sleeping with another guy under the same roof as him. Either reject him or talk it out with him.

g) there are so many different ways these next books can go but my main concern is how sjm is gonna find new worldly conflicts (not romantic ones because holy shit we have enough of those) because it kinda feels like the storyline is just being dragged a bit.

h) I’m a Gwynriel shipper but I’m not completely opposed to Azriel and Elain getting together. As long as Gwyn and Lucien don’t get fucked over (especially Gwyn considering her past with men) and both Az and El don’t have to sacrifice integral parts of their characters to be together then I’m cool with it.

I really liked ACOSF and there are so many different paths that the storyline could now go. We got 2 different cliches that could be done too lmao. SJM is a talented writer and I do want to see all my favourite characters get a happily ever after and while I’m excited to see what’s to come, I can’t help but be worried that I might be let down. This series is a great one, but it’s going on for a while. I sometimes feel like it should have just ended after ACOWAR, but I still have faith in the next couple of books. I also wish that this fandom wouldn’t be so nasty when it comes to something as trivial as ships, but oh well! Sorry for the ridiculously long ask, but I had so many thoughts about that bonus chapter!

okay okay so I’ve been on my phone for a couple days and when I read this I was like WOW THIS NEEDS A FULL KEYBOARD RESPONSE BECAUSE SEVERAL POINTS WERE MADE--

first off, I totally agree that this stuff is just discourse and like no one should be fighting or like idfk sending weird death threats over ships or the simple fact that they liked a book or a chapter like it’s not that deep it’s just speculation let people like what they like....but back to the Az bonus chapter...

I specifically want to talk about points B, C, and F.

B-- so I think you’re so right about Az being desperate for love. like he’s gone so long feeling that unrequited shit for Mor and before maybe it wasn’t a big deal to him because his brothers were seemingly unattached too. but now that Rhys and Cassian are both mates and fucking head over heels for Feyre and Nesta, I think he’s feeling his separation from that happiness acutely and it just seems like star-crossed fate shit that there should be three brothers and three sisters (as cheesy as it feels and sounds and how trope-y it is) so maybe the lust he feels for Elain is just that base need to feel SOMETHING in the face of what he can see and hear and fckn *smell* at the River House and the House of Wind every damn day. and Elain is frankly an easy target. she’s quiet with a sense of humor and a fuckload of trauma....she’s someone for Az to be gentle with and nurture. and when he says “maybe the cauldron was wrong” like you feel the pain and resentment there...that the other sisters were seemingly made for his brothers and he should be left out. I feel bad for him but at the same time....

C--DUDE WHAT THE FUCK ABOUT KILLING LUCIEN AND HOW EASY IT WOULD BE....like that’s some Class A territorial fae bastard shit right there...not seen since the likes of Rowan Whitethorn (though in truth I do love it on him but he was that way for AELIN, HIS MATE)...I don’t think Sarah breathed life into the idea of the cauldron making a mistake for nothing, but I also just don’t think she belongs in the Night Court...all those comments about how much Elain would love Spring Court and sunshine and light....I’ve said this before but the Court of Nightmares solstice scene where Cassian basically calls Elain plain in her Night Court black dress was a huge yikes for me. like the Night Court clearly dims her spirit. it doesn’t fit her aesthetic, you know? anyways I’m getting off track...Azriel’s preoccupation with Elain right now from his POV seems almost entirely sexual so maybe like rethink that bro.

F--okay yes, while I don’t think Elain is “beholden” to anyone and no male should feel entitled to her or be FIGHTING BLOOD DUELS OVER HER WTF???? I do agree that she has treated Lucien pretty much like shit. she hasn’t tried to understand the situation or the history (at least from what we’ve seen) of the mating bond and how neither of them chose this. like Lucien is as much a victim of the situation as she is, he just has the benefit of understanding what it means in fae culture to have a mate and the pain it causes to reject it. like she just avoids him instead of out-right saying no so he’s just being strung along. like let him go if you don’t want to be with him. and while Lucien has made some shitty decisions (I will never forgive him for his complicity in ACOMAF), this kind of pain shouldn’t be his punishment...like Rhys wouldn’t have to deal in absolutes with Azriel if Elain would just MAKE THE DECISION because then it’s not a challenge for Elain. it’s Elain making a choice, just like they’re fond of allowing women to make in the damn Night Court. my problem with Elain has never been with her femininity or her perceived lack of personality (which is canon now pls) it has always been with her lack of action and the inner circle enabling her to sit and do nothing--EVEN WHEN SHE MIGHT WANT TO. yes I’m talking about that moment where everyone is all up in arms about “exposing” Elain to the darkness of the dread trove and all but throwing Nesta to the wolves...I screamed when Cassian was like “BUT NESTA SHOULD???” ugh pissed me off so much.

anyways clearly we both have a lot of feelings lmao I will scream about this series until I die I s2g

#acosf spoilers #acosf #acotar #sjm #asks

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popcorn-hero · 3 years

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The Tales of the Todorokis

Acknowledging character development and writing character development is not and making excuses for ones crimes.

Disclaimer: I read, I interpret, I express. This is a long post filled with images. Also probably some horrible grammar

Apologizing: Apologizing is acknowledging ones faults and vowing to never commit the same mistakes. What has happened has happened. Nothing can change the past or the effect it had. What you do now, does not change or erase the past, but it helps guide a path of healing for the future. It can be the start of change and morphing into a better person. BUT, only if that person truly means it.

Apologies is not making an excuse for yourself.

Forgiveness: Forgiveness can be rightfully given, or not. It can be a tricky thing to understand at times. Forgiveness doesn’t remove the pain. Forgiveness doesn’t erase the memories. But for some people, forgiveness is a key to freedom, for inner peace. For other people, forgiveness doesn’t offer them that, and that's fine too.

We are not monoliths, we are individual people, with individual brains, with individual emotions, with experiences that affects us as individuals. Our stories might overlap - they might even be identical, but how we process it may not be.

I don’t like this narrative I’ve been seeing recently in the fandom of Horikoshi being an abuse apologist. I think Horikoshi is challenging us and its working.

The Tales of the Todoroki’s: Enji, Rei, Touya, Fuyumi, Natsuo, Shoto

6 people

6 perspectives

6 stories

1 truth

Each viewpoint and each experience from everyone is very important in putting the pieces together (yes, even Enji). In fact, I think it was important to have Enjis viewpoint to the situation because it was such a contrast to what we’ve heard and seen from everyone else. In Enjis mind, he truly thought everyone was complaisant. He saw nothing wrong with attempting to live vicariously through his kids. In the same breath he expresses contempt for this children, its also laced with disappointment

He speaks of Rei as though she was consensual, but we know he essentially used her a valuable Mare and hurt her as well.

His treatment of Rei cannot be erased, justified, or forgotten. It happened. We as the audience are suppose to carry that in our minds because we are reading a story about Heroes. This challenges us to understand that heroic actions is not what a hero makes.

There are cops who (most of them tbh) that become cops simply for the power dynamic, not because they desire to protect. A lot of cops abuse their spouse.

Rei: We are only introduced to her through the lowest point of her life and we have no insight on how Enji acquired her (yeah that sound harsh, but isn’t that what happened) nor her domestic life with him. What we know of her are scenes of her pain, and I think thats relevant enough. She may have had some “good” moments out of her situation, but she was still a mouse trapped in a lions den. Good days do not erase her state. Thats why this panel, was so odd to me

Because it implies that Rei was complicit in having kids even though we as the audience understand that he basically brought her for that single purpose. Now note, this is coming from Enjs mouth, not hers so I can’t sit her be like “oh yeah she was fine with everything”

To me, this is simply Enjis projection because what was Rei honestly going to do? Say no? But who’s to say that she didn’t want Touya to be lonely? Idk, that panel was too wishy washy for me.

Moving on

She replies to Natsuo by saying that's not true

Its not in his defense like how Natsuo claimed. Rei never states that she forgives him, and we can see she is still on her journey of healing when she mentions shes still a bit scared of him. However, she acknowledges his acts as stepping stone for his own path of atonement.

If she does come to forgive him later in the story, thats her decision (Horikoshi actually lol). If she doesn’t, that her decision.

Natsuo:

The only insight from Natsuo is his resentment towards his father with what happened to Touya and the hurt of their mother. It is revealed later that Natsuo was Touya confidant in the house (I’ll get into that when I talk about Touya).

But He doesn’t forgive him....or hes not at that stage yet

When endeavor saves him from the villain, we are able to see Natsuos raw thoughts:

He’s conflicted: He wants to maintain the peace, but he can’t deny how he feels.

Natsuo felt like he had to compromise his feelings, and that shouldn’t be fair. Even thought he is the middle child, I feel like he took on the presence of the big brother and wanted to protect his siblings. But when you have a man like Enji as your father and you know how he is.....standing up to him as a child is terrifying

So when Enji says this

I’m like: DUH! Of course he would feel like that

But I’m taking this scene has Enji recognizing how he made Natsuo feel as a child which showcases. he owns up to the fact that he pushed Touya to the edge.

Yet with all that said, hes not suppose to forget. Hes not suppose to suppress how he feels. And even at his age, that child inside him still hurt and was never offered a chance to properly heal. I know what that feels like.

Natsuo must figure out what he needs to do to find peace - however that may be.

Fuyumi :

We don’t have much insight to Fuyumi and I’m sure her experience is completely different from her brothers. One, because she was a girl and Enji is misogynistic, I doubt he gave her any type of attention as a father figure especially since she only inherited her moms quirk. I don’t recall signs of physically abuse on Fuyumi and (Natsuo), but there probably was demeaning behavior at some point. Just being in that environment and seeing their sibling subjected to that, negatively impact her however

But with Fuyumi, she is trying to move on

I think Fuyumi is on her path of forgiving her father - thats her choice to make to find peace for her experience. After expressing her desire to move on as a family, she ask Shoto how he feels....

Oh my sweet prince Shoto:

Shoto has a lot of baggage and being one of the main protagonist, we get a more in depth experience on his relationship with is father. I’m not going to go into too much detail because we all know he detested his father. I’m mainly going to focus on this middle ground that I find him at.

In the panels above he mentions having grudges and how it clouds the mind. Thats a toxic feeling to carry with you, especially when you’re trying to be a hero. He recognized that, and he’s been working on fixing that. Even his mother had to forgive herself towards what she did to him.

Shoto is not here to forgive Enji, hes here to forgive himself

What I mean by that is the fact that Shoto experienced self-hate. He hated a part of who was, how he looked, where he came from. He had no control of his childhood, but he now has control of his future. At the sports festival, that was Shotos first step towards finding his healing. It wasn’t about Enji apologizing to him. It was about him.

And now look at him, he’s more social, more expressive, more powerful once he began to love himself. He got there on his own and with the support of his friends.

It doesn’t change what happened to him, and it doesn’t erase his feelings However, it gave him control over himself.

This is almost the same position Natsuo is in. He hasn’t seen anything (yet) for himself that warrants him to forgive his father. Maybe we will see it in these later chapters... maybe we wont.

Thats his decision

And last: Touya

Touya, touya, touya touya......

I honestly don’t know how to tackle his situation, but shoot me

From this memory (by Enji), Touya appears...enthusiastic. He appeared that he wanted to train with his father.

And I think this is where things went wrong in his rearing. He was GROOMED .

Enji, being who he was, probably placed the ideas in Touya head of great success, importance, power, fame, ect. These things sound good to a child, and being the only child at the time, he had all his fathers attention. But as he got older and his quirk became incompatible, things started change.

Even before his quirk no longer became compatible for him, Enji still didn't see Touya as his ideal child, but he accepted it. Touya looks to be about 6 here meaning Shoto wasnt born yet or an infant.

Going by the ages given for Shoto, Fuyumi, and Natsuo I’m going to state that

Touya was 13 when he staged his death

Fuyumi was 11, Natsuo was 8, and Shoto was 5 and thats when we are introduced into in abuse.

So there is a 8 year window between Touya shift in his relationship with his father and the start of Shoto gaining his quirk.

That is a missing puzzle piece, and I can only speculate what happened in that time period to drive Touya to his mental breaking point and what his father did or, didn’t do for him.

Here, there is more white in his hair and he looks to be maybe 10? And this is when he starts to question his existence.

I can’t say all that Touya went through from the time Shoto was born to his faked death.

I think Touya suffered from feeling abandoned by his father father, the feelings of being a failure because of these ideals of greatness only to be sideline. That he was just a placeholder like the rest of his sibling and not worthy to work along his fathers side.

I don’t think he faced the same treatment from his father as Shoto did. I think he became blinded by approval and pushed himself to his limits to compete for Enji attention, He probably developed depression, anxiety, and a lot stressors as he became more and more incompatible with his quirk

And I think thats why there is the hate for Shoto because he feels like he took away his purpose ( which has nothing to do with Shoto but everything to do with Enjis grooming)

We know Touya is absolutely not on the scale of ever forgiving his father for what he did. For him to sit there and watch his father on TV and proclaim to be a hero when he knew what went on behind closed doors, it can drive him towards wanting to retaliate.

His story showcases damages of a broken child. Where Shouto found liberation, Touya remained bound to the ambers Enji left on his worth and lies on being a hero.

Not everything can be fixed, and once a crack forms, it will continue to spread until it shatters.

In conclusion

The Tale of The Todorokis is not to serve as excusing abuse. Its a showcase of how 1 man can affect the lives of many people in different ways. It is a tale of moving forward, finding peace, and gaining control over your own person.

Enji knows he can’t snap his figures and all will be well. Though I think some actions he could have done was to take it upon himself to address the country, come clean, and maybe retire as a hero, but he’s not a perfect character.

But I’ll take what I can get. Enji knows his place, he knows what he has done.

Happiness to his family is absence

Its there space

And there nothing more better he can do than that.

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mikeytmnt · 4 years

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Thoughts on Raph's anger issues

2012 applied the "tough with a soft heart" trope for Raph but they couldve done more for Raph and show why he has anger issues. Does such a bad temper come out of a vacuum? Well Im not a psychologist so I dont know but if they provided a reason why hes angry, it would give him more depth. Most of his inner conflict is "i should stop being angry" instead of "why am i so angry?" so i pieced together a reason for why that might be and how his development followed that.

Based on what weve seen in canon, his anger issues might come from resentment that Splinter favors Leo more than him. Donnie and Mikey have other passions outside of ninjutsu but to Leo and Raph, ninjutsu is their world and it seems that Leo beat Raph in that area according to Splinter.

Resentment towards Leo and Splinter

Splinter may love his sons equally but he trusts Leo more. Theyre a very small family and prior to meeting April and the rest of their new friends, Splinter never imagined there would be others to take care of his sons. When he leaves, he expected them to be on their own. So hes preparing ahead for who is going to lead them next and that is Leo. Because Raph focused too much on his skills but didnt develop his character into one like a leader.

But Raph is very young and he might have misinterpreted Splinter's passing of responsibility to Leo as loving Leo more. And he feels frustrated and inadequate and those feelings turn into anger issues.

Isolation made his negative emotions fester

Raph is facing emotions he cant talk to anyone about. Leo and Splinter are the reasons for it and Mikey seems to be more immature than he is to understand complicated feelings like that. Theres a risk that Donnie might scold him if he opens up, personally i dont think he would, but its scary to open up to someone like that and youll come up with worst case scenarios if you think about it. And its very likely he doesnt want to acknowledge these feelings because its painful to admit he holds resentment for family who loves him dearly.

As for Mikey, Raph underestimates him a lot and hes not the type to unload his burdens on his younger brother. Its also implied that he feels protective over Mikey so as a protector, he wouldn't want to bother Mikey with his issues.

Being isolated for most of their lives and only having each other for company isnt the best environment to grow in. I think we all realized that during this quarantine. Its amazing the turtles turned out so well. And Raph developed issues because of it but thats normal considering his situation.

His love for pets

The writers might have put his soft spot for pets just to contradict his tough guy character but if we look at it in the context of his issues, it could be the product of isolation and his wish to connect with others outside of his family. He feels he cant open up to Leo and Splinter because of his resentment, theres a risk Donnie might be "too logical" and point out the flaws in his feelings instead of empathizing, and Mikey is out of the question for him. So he connects to pets instead because they won't judge him and he feels less lonely with them.

How Donnie and Mikey would've helped

Personally i think Donnie wouldve understood him and explained to him what Splinter's intentions are. Like Leo, Donnie has a burden no one else can carry, which is being the brain of the team. And the ones who gave him that burden are his brothers themselves, always counting on him to figure things out. Donnie knows they dont do this because hes their favorite brother but simply because of his capabilities. Just like Splinter gives burden to Leo because of his leadership skills.

Splinter, as their father, only has the right to appoint the role he has, and that is his position as the leader of the family. He cant dictate what the others choose to be anymore and if Leo refused him, he cant force him so its a good thing Leo is willing. But the rest of the brothers fell into place easily. Donnie the brain, Raph the muscle and Mikey the heart. Since Raph values Donnie and Mikey for what they bring to team, then he should also value himself despite not being the leader.

I also think Mikey wouldve helped him. Mikey is wise and has high emotional intelligence. He can concisely put into words what Raph needs to hear. There are some things you know but cant seem to believe in, for example, you know your friends love you but sometimes you dont feel it. But Mikey has no such disconnect, he believes in everything he knows, so assurance coming from him would be very effective. You know if he says something, he means it and hes not just trying to make you feel better.

Embracing the protector role

Since he realizes hes not cut out to be leader, he embraces the role more suitable to his skills which is the protector. He tells Splinter that he can risk his life easily but he cant do it to his brothers. Instead of fighting for Leos position, he finds his place in the team and i think that helps him come to terms with Splinter's favor towards Leo.

Summary

Raph develops resentment from Splinter's favoritism towards Leo and has no outlet for his emotions. he's unable to express that frustration in a healthy manner, turning into anger issues.

His love for pets also implies that he longs for connection and for someone to understand him without judging him.

If he had opened up to Mikey and Donnie who arent involved in the cause of his issues, his temper might not have gotten this bad because Mikey is empathetic and Donnie has a logical understanding of the situation.

He does come at peace with his emotions and he gets calmer as the seasons go by as he had given up on being the leader and favored student and accepted his role as protector.

#tmnt 2012 #tmnt2012 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #turtle talks

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jackedspicer · 4 years

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a bio for my xiaolinsona! she’s a work in progress so i’m bound to come back and change it. trivia and more in depth information is under the readmore :)

continued trivia:

she’d show up somewhere near the start of season 4

she’s used a LOT for slapstick. in fact she’s mostly a comic relief character

she’s guided mainly by emotions, is right brain oriented, and is a hands-on learner

there is a running gag where she frequently has bandaids on her fingers, hands, arms, or anywhere really

she’s a massive funk junkie. LOVES disco. she’s also a great dancer

when she comes up with xiaolin showdowns, sometimes she’ll base it off of fun recreational activities or things that seem harmlessly mundane, like mini golf..... tic tac toe.....dance-off...... rock paper scissors..... the showdowns themselves obviously end up being high-stakes and lethal as they always are, except they’re based off of goofy premises

she’s probably musically accented by grunge that’s slightly funky

when it’s funny, she occasionally will use huge words or make jarringly philosophical statements, eg patrick star’s “the inner machinations of my mind are an enigma” cut to footage of milk spilling

shes a lot like charlie kelly. in general. any charlie moment is just. Her. she’s a wild card and screams every line and huffs glue and tries to get the honey out of a hornets nest outside of jacks house because she thinks hornets make honey and she likes ghouls and she genocides the rats in his basement and sleeps ass to ass with him and is illiterate

she likes to do arts and crafts but they almost always come out as abominations. she’ll occasionally borrow some of jack’s tools to construct her latest atrocity, and she’ll refer to them by a wrong/made up name while she’s at it. “the hacksaw duey”, “the electric hole puncher,” ”the automatic pizza cutter”, etc. yes the projects and the bandaids have a direct cause and effect relationship. please refer to this video (and this channel in general)

youtube

imagine her sitting at a table and just doing this in jack’s lair... this video alone can be used to sum up so much of her. the technique. the bandaids. the blatantly wrong information that’s said with such conviction. the dark turn towards the end of the video. “superfluous protrusion.” the way it ends

continued trivia pt. 2, taken from my instagram

(i’ll get into this more further down the post)

fighting style because this is xiaolin showdown:

she has a very nimble, disorienting style of combat. using pokemon stats as an analogy, her highest would be speed by far, followed by attack, with her lowest stats being defense and special attack. this combined with her unrelenting nature makes her an excellent distraction and a general nuisance, but she doesn’t fare well in prolonged head to head battle.

favorite shen gong wu:

monkey staff, mikado arms, fancy feet, neptune helmet, hoduko mouse, woozy shooter (on herself), tongue of saiping, longi kite, indigo pyramid (on jack (cause it’s funny))

*the shen gong wu she’s most skilled with in battle are ones that trip up her opponents and cause status ailments. kinda like a prankster

backstory/analysis:

at her core, she’s a jolly, optimistic, humorous person, but her unruly, isolating childhood put a blow on her psyche. much like jack spicer, she’s been virtually alone her entire life - she was rejected by peers and adult figures alike since earliest childhood, and her home life was turbulent at best.

to ease the pain, at some point, she took on resenting and judging those around her as a means to cope. she has a holden caulfield-esque defense mechanism in play where if everybody sucks for this reason, or that reason, or those reasons, then she has justification for detaching herself from others, and she can derive her only source of self esteem from being better than them. this hurts far less than the devastating truth that she cannot connect with people on account of feeling so worthless and estranged from other human beings that she could never have the chance to be cared about by anyone. deep down, she’s in desperate, thrashing need of support and genuine human connection, and she has a warped perception of how she can achieve that.

she’s taken up evil as a hobby because it nurtures her desire to be destructive and, again, just like jack spicer, she engages in it as a way to feel seen. all press is good press, and the best way to make the headline is to cause some damage. what sets her apart from him in this regard, though, is that she takes all of her pain out on her enemies (in this case, the xiaolin monks) because she can’t stand how well off they are - instead, on the basis of their acceptance of one another, she sees them as goody two-shoes phonies who ought to be knocked down a peg. while evil to jack is both a means of getting much needed attention and a convoluted way of spending time with friends, to sid it’s a way to vent frustrations and a way to, well... still garner attention, but also spend time with a friend, except the friend is jack.

the other half of the reason she partakes in petty villainy is that it’s just... fun. she only got wrapped up in all this because she’d been restlessly putzing around somewhere remote, found a neat doohicky she planned on keeping, and when one thing led to another she wound up in a xiaolin showdown against jack. experiencing the chaos unfold revealed a golden opportunity she couldn’t pass up, so she asked jack to let her come with, debuting their partnership (i talk about this in further detail at the end of the post). goofing off and doing evil with him is so much fun to her! it makes her feel alive, a sensation and state of mind she never could fully achieve before.

noteworthy relationships:

jack:

they have a team rocket thing going on. not in terms of their interpersonal dynamic, but rather their role in the story, how much of a threat they pose as, their schemes, and even their overall attitude are reminiscent of the iconic duo; they’re petty, recurring villains with hearts of gold who aren’t above occasionally siding with the good guys.

even though they both are on the same tier of comic relief and general foolishness, the metaphor i like to draw is that jack is the left brain and sid is the right brain.

their personalities have such chemistry and they’re both so goofy that they effortlessly sync up. everyone thinks it’s REALLY annoying

they’re best friends! they actually care very deeply for one another, even if they might have funny ways of showing it. they may be evil, but they’re mutually the only and closest friend the other has ever had, and with that carries a lot of weight. think of it - the first person you meet who hasn’t been nothing but awful to you likes you and wants to be around you. What a concept

while their relationship is platonic, there are several gags implying a romantic element, even though nothing is ever outright stated. kisses on the cheek, bashfulness, other characters making fun of them (“where’s your DUMB little girlfriend?” “..........she’s not DUMB!!!!!”), domestic references (“am i sleeping on the couch”)..... it’s left ambiguous because it’s hetbait plain and simple. somebody asks them what they even are and they say Partners In Crime wym. jack asks sid What Are We and she fist pumps the flat of her own chest twice, throws a peace sign and says We’re Bros

their nicknames for each other include but are not limited to “jackass, jacky-boy, jack-o-lantern, smarty pants, wiggles, spack jicer, spack, mr spack, spackle”, and “shortstack, pipsqueak, sid the kid, champ, funky monkey, foxy (in a funny way, he’ll say it like Whatcha Up To Foxy ? while she’s like making a mess doing an arts & crafts abomination or just vibing bein her weird lil self.... it comes from a place of playful sarcasm and affection) (champ, funky monkey, and foxy are courtesy of @currentlyfallingthroughspace)

to piggyback off of the left brain vs. right brain metaphor, “heart vs. brain is how they think, right brain vs. left brain is how they act, and two halves of a heart represents their natural dispositions” is how my aforementioned friend put it. they both have a lot of heart and are ooey gooey on the inside, but the difference is that sid can grasp the intricacies of emotional/psychological matters while jack can’t (actually knowing how to EXPRESS this is another topic). it’s in the same way that jack can effectively plan ahead, use logical reasoning, and know where to go and how to get there, but sid is shabby in this department. “one is aware but doesn’t address it until it’s too late, and one can’t see it and doesn’t ask until it’s too late.”

another feature of potential conflict in all incarnations of them is the juxtaposition of sid actually being more down to earth than jack in the grand scheme of things. jack has the potential to go completely overboard, and whether or not he demonstrates the ability to catch himself on the event horizon will ascertain the outcome.

deep down, neither of them are truly evil, and they bring this out in each other as they ultimately contribute to the redemption of one another. how this actually happens is a lot rockier. sid has the intuition and self awareness to become increasingly cognizant of the fact that she engages in schemes as a way to bond with her friend, and, over time, she’s able to recognize that she’s simply been acting out, and she consequently softens up over time - but jack is much denser in this regard. he doesn’t consciously pick up on the same things she does and still believes that she’s drinking the koolaid as much as he is. the crucial dissonance in what matters most that had been incubating under the weight of things left unsaid emerges in a major falling out that challenges the nature of their entire dynamic and respective moral codes. i had a lot of help from the same friend with the following series of events and it’s really something that ought to be gone into detail on its own post, but a whirlwind brief summary is that jack becomes desperate from losing over and over so he comes up with this sinister plan that’s just too far, sid tells him to stop, they get into a nasty fight, sid leaves and makes it clear she’s not coming back, she goes to the xiaolin dragons for help, jack goes on an evil rampage but also loses his grip and has this mental breakdown because he lost the one person who’s ever cared about him (or so he thought), sid has the same brutal separation pangs but it doesn’t change the fact that jack is still doing what he’s doing, sid gets a firsthand view of a fight breaking out between the monks while she’s working with them and has a moment of clarity when she observes how they resolve it in such a healthy way, as they continue to work together and help her through the whole fiasco she realizes they’re not so bad, an entire excruciating series of events that’s genuinely too large to fit on this post unfolds and it ultimately ends with jack actually having to team UP with the good guys to stop what he started, and it ends with them breaking down, apologizing, and beginning their redemption BUT not without the illustration of several lessons that arose out of the complications of the entire thing...... the overarching lesson that’d been entrenched in their entire dynamic from the start, albeit corny, is that caring and being cared for was all they ever needed, and they learn to cultivate that within each other right under their own noses. it would be fun to have them stay as recurring villains forever, but seeing how much good is in their hearts is enough to make you wonder how they were ever evil.

xiaolin monks:

she thinks she hates them, but she doesn’t really. while her opinion of them is marked by resentment and distaste, she also holds them in high regard. a part of her wishes she could be friends with them, but the mental landscape she’s paved for herself doesn’t reveal that as an option. in her mind, she’s already been rejected by them. so why try?

the way she takes her pain out on them - people who had nothing to do with her traumas - can be summed up by the spinel su quote, “why do i want to hurt you so bad? i’m supposed to be a friend. i just want to be a friend.”

she gets chummier with them upon her redemption. out of the group, she gets along best with clay and dojo :)

bonus origin episode

this would be the imaginary early season 4 episode i mentioned at the beginning of the post. it’s more of a loose string of ideas tied together with reckless abandon but hey. the episode would open with jack feeling lonely and down on his luck to establish the theme that he kinda needs a friend (”wuya’s gone, chase trained his cats to get surly with me if i show up, my evil dream team won’t answer my calls....”). his sulking is interrupted by a shen gong wu alert and he’s like. whatever. i don’t need them. i’m still gonna do this on my own. even if it’s. ˡᵒⁿᵉˡʸ. fastforward to the scene i described where sid is putzing around with her doohicky (which i’m considering might be the neptune helmet) all by her sad miserable lonesome when suddenly some flying bloke in a trenchcoat who looks like he hasn’t seen the sun in years shows up telling her she’s got something he needs. she of course responds with something along the lines of “you know what? why don’t you try to take it from me since you want it so bad, mr big stuff,” triggering a xiaolin showdown. this is around the time the xiaolin dragons show up too late - but they’re grateful for somebody having been there to fight jack in time, even if they have no idea who they are. she has no clue what’s going on, but whatever it is, she LOVES it. she goes buckwild. she has a time. jack, on the other hand.... well, understanding how badly he needs that wu is certainly throwing a wrench in it, but he can’t help but feel like he’s having a bit of fun too. well, up until he loses. post-showdown, the monks kinda count their chickens before they hatch so to speak and they rush over to this new kid with a shower of praise, thinking they have a friend on their side. instead, she cuts them off, shouts to the guy who’s gathering his bearings (or lack thereof) - “hey! jack was it?” - and playfully tosses her shen gong wu in the air, catching it. “you look like you need this thing way more than i do. tell you what! take me with and i’ll let you borrow it,” is what she follows it up with, implying she wasn’t really that invested and only saw the whole thing as a fun game. jack and the monks are flabbergasted. what’s more bizarre is she did in fact ask to join him, something nobody’s ever done out of their own volition before. she talks about how boooooooooooring it is here and how that was soooooo much fun and to pleeeeeeeease take her with. he’s really iffy about it and doesn’t know if it’s such a good idea. he tries to make himself look cool, telling her “as IF, shortstack..........im afraid The Jack Rides Alone................................................. but-” and ultimately buckling because he can’t deny that it would be nice to have someone around.

#IM PROBABLY GONNA COME BACK AND CHANGE SO MANY PETTY THINGS BUT I HAD TO RIP OFF THE BANDAID #xiaolin showdown #xiaolin showdown oc #xiaolinsona #draws #btw her last name is question marks because i havent come up with anything yet #i have utmost confidence about this i literally think of her and jack as a duo even though shes not a real character #also it's important to add that i hope it goes without saying that a lot of her qualities arent direct translations of my own #her qualities are based on my own and are in some cases translated to represent how it would manifest in this narrative #sonas are tools u know. not being like THIS IS LITERALLY ME!!! cause its a bit different #for example my own opinions of the other characters and her opinions of the other characters differ. u kno for tha story #xiaolinsonabio

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john-smith69 · 4 years

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Ranking my favorite characters of each of my favorite animes / mangas

For the record: I don't own any of the following artworks bellow. All the credit go for their own original artists

Top 10: Olivier Mira Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist)

Olivier Mira Armstrong (オリヴィエ・ミラ・アームストロング, Orivie Mira Āmusutorongu), also known as Major General Armstrong is the primary heir to the illustrious Armstrong family, the commanding officer charged with the protection of Amestris' northern border at Fort Briggs and the older sister of Alex Louis Armstrong. Olivier is a severe woman who has a fearsome and commanding presence where she is harsh with her subordinates and peers and coldly merciless to her enemies, the deceptively beautiful woman's schadenfreude has earned her the nickname "Ice Queen" among the Briggs soldiers. Sharp-tongued and highly combative, Olivier is no stranger to furious chastisements and bursts of fiery violence, especially toward those who fail to live up to her high standards and staunch adherence to the "survival of the fittest" philosophy.

Top 9: Mikasa Ackerman (Attack On Titan)

Mikasa Ackerman (ミカサ・アッカーマン Mikasa Akkāman) is the adoptive sister of Eren Yeager and one of the two deuteragonists of the series, along with Armin Arlert.

After her biological parents were murdered by human traffickers, Mikasa was rescued by Eren Yeager and lived with him and his parents, Grisha and Carla, before the fall of Wall Maria. Though she desires only to live a peaceful life, Mikasa entered into the military—where she is considered the best soldier among the 104th Training Corps. She later enlists in the Survey Corps to follow and protect Eren, becoming one of its greatest assets. She is currently serving as an officer (上官 Jōkan) in the Corps. Mikasa cares deeply for her friends and caretakers, seeing them as the last remnants of a family she cannot afford to lose. Mikasa also appears to have a soft spot for children, and she has a strong sense of right and wrong, doing everything she can to make her most impulsive friends to follow what she thinks is the right track. Despite that, she knows well that she cannot always sway them in decisions and makes it a point to follow them whenever they go, just so that she can be around to help out when trouble arises.

Top 8: Kamina (Gurren Lagann)

Kamina (カミナ, Kamina) was a young man from Jeeha Village, the founder and first leader of Team Gurren and deuteragonist of the first arc of Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann. At first glance, Kamina is boisterous, hotheaded and arrogant. He demands recognition and seems hungry for greatness, illustrated in his tendency to call himself "the Mighty Kamina" and his signature catchphrase, "Just who the Hell do you think I am?!" He is an undeterred idealist, often to the point of ignorance; Yoko has described him as "a man of unlimited stupidity." Kamina is also very perverted, declaring that the urge to stare at beautiful women is the definition of a man.

However, Kamina is also extremely determined and never lets anything keep him down for long. Even discovering that his father was dead only made him solemn for a night or two (visibly at least). He is also devoted to defending and supporting his friends and loved ones, fighting with all his strength to protect them. In turn, he is very charismatic in the heat of battle, able to inspire even the timid Simon to accomplish great feats and almost single-handedly set the foundations for Team Dai-Gurren.

Despite his often brazen and practically insane actions, Kamina is fairly insightful, as his bombast and seemingly blind confidence usually mask his true intelligence in planning and combat. He even personally admits that his bravado and fearlessness is mostly a device he uses to hide his own worries and to support others, and that he thinks people like Simon are the real heroes.

Top 7: Sebas Tian (Overlord)

Sebas Tian (セバス・チャン), alas "The Iron Butler", is the head butler of the Great Tomb of Nazarick with several manservants and other butlers under his command. He was created by Touch Me. He is also the leader of the Pleiades Six Stars.

Although he is not one of the Floor Guardians, his power closely rivals theirs. In a way, he is independent of their chain of command. He originally served as Nazarick's last line of defense alongside the Pleiades on the 9th Floor, to give time for the guild, Ainz Ooal Gown, to prepare for their final stand in the Throne Room. Like his creator, Touch Me, Sebas Tian has a great deal of personal justice. Unlike many other denizens in Nazarick, he does not completely despise humans or see them as inferior creatures. Instead, he believes that some humans are good people and it is the duty of the strong to protect the weak. However, humans with an ugly nature disgust him and he will not hesitate to kill anyone who dares to oppose Nazarick. Sebas has a stoic nature, but also tends to question his own actions whether it was right or wrong of him to do them contrary to his master's order. Not sure why he does it, Sebas does believe that Touch Me's will is what encouragingly motivates him to act the way he does and that it conflicts with the will of his current master.

Top 6: Brago (Gash Bell)

Brago (ブラゴ, Burago), alongside his partner and bookkeeper Sherry Belmont, are considered the rivals of the main characters Zatch Bell and Kiyo Takamine, even though the teams fought a relatively small amount of times. Since their first appearance, they were one of the most powerful teams in the series, and have been seen burning more spellbooks than any other one. Brago is very quiet and is rarely seen socializing with other mamodos, he is often described as being "strong and cool". He is often seen crossing his arms or sticking them in his pockets. Not much is revealed about his life or personality, other than he resents weakness and especially requiring a human's help to win the demon kingship. However, despite often complaining that Sherry is too weak to help him, he thanks her for all that she has done for him in the final battle. He is extremely strong, often defeating other mamodo teams without even requiring the use of spells; because of his strength, which was gained from undergoing special elite training, many mamodo have come to fear him as one of the strongest. Brago's specialty is Gravity Magic.

Top 5: Guts (Berserk)

Guts (ガッツ Gattsu) , renowned as the "Black Swordsman", is a former mercenary and branded wanderer who travels the world in a constant internal struggle between pursuing his own ends and protecting those dear to him.

At one time driven solely by his will to survive, Guts finds purpose in life upon joining the Band of the Falcon, greatly helping in the faction's storied successes during the Hundred-Year War as captain of the band's raiders. He eventually becomes dissatisfied with clinging on to Griffith's dream, and departs from the band in pursuit of his own. Following the horrors of the Eclipse prompted by Griffith, Guts embarks on a two-year war against the God Hand and apostles, becoming increasingly embittered on his one-track quest for retribution. He in time realizes protecting his regressed lover is more important to him, as well as something he cannot do alone, and thus seemingly abandons his quest for revenge while fostering camaraderie with his new companions. Known for his air of austerity, Guts is a gruff, cynical man holding an overall bleak outlook on life. This is a consequence of enduring waves of suffering and numerous betrayals since his youth, with nearly all highlights of his life having, in time, become lows. In spite of his guarded, brooding exterior, he shows a more easygoing, compassionate side around the people he trusts, appearing markedly less unsociable and distant, though still retaining his dry candidness. Even as his inner darkness festers deep within him and its temptation becomes increasingly harder to resist, he retains his empathy and compassion, refusing to completely discard his humanity.

Top 4: Akemi Homura (Puella Magi Madoka Magica)

Homura Akemi (暁美ほむら Akemi Homura) is one of the main characters in the Puella Magi Madoka Magica series. Ever since her arrival at Mitakihara Middle School, Homura is immediately depicted as being very intelligent, athletic, distant, and cold. It is revealed in episode four that she is only like this because she has seen so much suffering during her tenure as a magical girl. Because of this, she does not want Madoka Kaname to become a magical girl and tries to do anything in order to stop her from making a wish with Kyubey, going as far as to attempt to injure and even kill the cat-like creature. Despite her cold attitude towards others, she still very much cares for Madoka, as it is her sole objective to protect her due to the countless amount of blood, sweat, and tears she has shed over her jumps in time. Despite being regarded as emotionless by Sayaka Miki, Homura is far from it. Although she does not easily show signs of remorse, sadness, or pity, it is only because she had grown used to the suffering around her, and must put up a strong front to continue fighting for her goal. Homura herself has stated that she always feels badly with each life she's unable to save or alter, but nevertheless, it does not slow her down from staying true to her main objective in saving Madoka Kaname.

Top 3: Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez (Bleach)

Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez (グリムジョー・ジャガージャック, Gurimujō Jagājakku) is an Arrancar and was the Sexta (6th) Espada in Sōsuke Aizen's affiliated army. While appearing to be a laid-back individual, Grimmjow possesses a brutal, impulsive, and excessively violent personality alongside a lethally short temper. However, despite his aggression and obvious blood lust in battle, Grimmjow possesses a feral cunning and has a knack for quickly exploiting any opening his opponent reveals. In addition, he is blunt, sarcastic and quite sadistic, revealing a psychotic grin or laughing maniacally whenever he becomes excited. He is also very rude and quite disrespectful. Grimmjow uses none of the honorifics in the Japanese language, except when addressing Aizen (though he is quick to discard the formality when Aizen is not around), and refers to Orihime Inoue as woman in conversation. Grimmjow displays little respect for authority and says whatever is on his mind, regardless of whether or not it is appropriate. However, he does have some form of a code of honor, as he is unwilling to fight an injured Ichigo, bringing Orihime to heal him beforehand so that their battle will be a fair one, though he also wants to defeat Ichigo when he is at full strength.He also saves Orihime from Loly Aivirrne and Menoly Mallia, who were beating her up, to repay the debt of restoring his arm, though he immediately demands another favor afterwards.

Top 2: Kujo Jotaro (JoJo's Bizarre Adventure)

Jotaro Kujo (空条承太郎 , Kūjō Jōtarō) is the protagonist of Part 3 and also appears in Parts 4-6. Jotaro is the third and most recurring JoJo of the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure series.

Jotaro is a delinquent who lives an ordinary life until the Joestar Family's old enemy, DIO, returns. Jotaro travels to Egypt in order to save his mother and stop the Vampire once and for all.

Wielding the incredibly powerful Star Platinum, Jotaro is the first JoJo introduced with a Stand, and is among the most well-known characters of the series. Jotaro is introduced as a rough delinquent, but he has a gentle heart, and is loyal to those he likes. He is highly perceptive, intelligent and quick-witted while keeping a perpetually cool, slightly neutral or disinterested attitude. Jotaro's most noticeable trait is his seemingly aloof nature. He is a quiet individual, often satisfied with expressing himself in short phrases. While he was shown to be mildly anxious when something unanticipated happens, Jotaro almost never goes as far as to lose his cool.

Top 1: Charlotte Katakuri (One Piece)

Charlotte Katakuri ( シャーロット・カタクリ , Shārotto Katakuri) is the second son and third child of the Charlotte Family and the elder triplet brother of Daifuku and Oven. He is also one of the Three Sweet Commanders of the Big Mom Pirates and serves as Totto Land's Minister of Flour (粉大臣, Kona Daijin), governing over Komugi Island.

Due to his actions and role, he is the secondary antagonist in the second half of the Whole Cake Island Arc. Katakuri has a very serious, no-nonsense demeanor, caring greatly about his crew and family's objectives. With his heightened Kenbunshoku Haki allowing him to see a little bit into the future and make smart judgement calls, he is dedicated to efficiently dealing with all possible threats within his vicinity, and is thus among the few Charlotte children that can be seen taking action without instructions from Big Mom herself. Katakuri is a pragmatic individual who puts efficiency above almost everything else, to the point of being considered a perfectionist. He rarely brags about his abilities, instead being rather focused on accomplishing his goals as fast as possible, intercepting and defeating his enemies in a quick, effective manner while prioritizing the elimination of threats he perceives as potentially serious, going as far as taking extra steps to ensure they are stopped in case his mother and siblings fail to do so. He is also capable of extreme brutality as shown when he pondered on how he should maim Luffy with his trident. Though ruthless to opponents, he is extremely caring towards his family and subordinates. Katakuri is also a honorable man who dislikes other people interfering with his fights. Though he considers Luffy his enemy and desires to eliminate him personally before he can become a threat, he wishes to defeat him fairly. After discovering that Flampe was the one attacking Luffy and lowering his performance in the fight, Katakuri injured himself in the same spot he injured Luffy to compensate and angrily shouted at Flampe for interfering in his fight.

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