#yeah na i saw that last order reference okay I SAW IT

[wolfpawn]

I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 142

Chapter Summary - Danielle's cousin Siobhan and her boyfriend come to London sparking Tom to realise he never knew something about Danielle.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long.  This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

Copyright for the photo is the owners, not mine. All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1 @black-ninja-blade

In certain areas of Ireland, Irish is still the first spoken language, not English, including parts of Connemara, Kerry, Cork and Donegal, amongst others. Kids actually do not speak English in the home with their family, it is not their first tongue.

The amount of times I have physically grimaced in the face of Americans and British people who try to tell me how our names are pronounced and spelt because they have had someone in their family 5 generations go that was Irish, so of course, they know more than someone raised in Irish, is growing by the day.

Right, here is a fun fact. Irish is not a phonetic language. The names are Siobhan - Shiv-awn Dáithí - Dah-hee Caoilfhionn - Kee-lin Aoife - Ee-fa

'Guess who?’ A pair of hands came over Danielle’s eyes.

‘How many Irish people do you expect me to know in the one station at the time you are arriving in?’ She laughed as she turned around to hug her cousin. ‘How was your journey?’

‘Confusing, Heathrow is mad.’

‘You get used to it.’ She looked at the guy that was next to her cousin. ‘And you must be Dáithí.’ She smiled, leaning forward and giving him a hug. ‘I believe it’s your first time to these parts.’

‘Tis, alright.’

‘Ah, a Waterford man. Speak slowly for them here, if you don’t they’ll be easily confused.’ The pair laughed. So, this is where we need to go to get the Northern Line.’ She instructed, taking them to the correct area of the station to get to their destination. ‘Tom and I are taking you two out for dinner and we will drop you at your hotel afterwards, alright?’

‘What, no Danielle, don’t worry yourself.’

‘I am not worrying myself, I mean it, we want to do this for you. Nothing fancy, just lovely Indian we always use, and this is not your local takeaway place; if it says spicy, it fucking means it.’

‘How are you with a privately educated Brit, you are too normal.’

‘Tom is not averse to swearing, I assure you.’ Danielle laughed as they got to the platform. ‘Four minutes.’ She stated, looking at the time for the next train, a man close to them seeing the sign and swearing at it as he did. ‘One thing about these parts, four minutes may as well be five hours, the way some people act.’

‘They’d die in Ireland.’

‘Yes, so don’t get too bothered when they start huffing and puffing like they want to blow down a house of straw in a few minutes.’ Danielle stated as she watched the time to the next train come down. When they got to the correct station, she ordered them off and walked them to the right house.

‘Wait, you live here?’

‘Yes.’ Danielle laughed at her cousin. ‘What were you expecting?’

‘It’s just so you.’

‘Well, it’s Toms, actually, not mine, but yes. I love it.’ She put the key in the door just as she heard Siobhan fawning. ‘I hope you like dogs, Dáithí.’

‘We have three at my Mam’s.’

‘Grand so.’ She opened the door, the dogs immediately rushing over. ‘Bed.’ Mac looked as though he had been struck, disheartened, he trotted to his bed, groaning as he did, Bobby looking between his big brother and the new humans to sniff before finally sensing Danielle’s body language was stern and trotting there sadly.

‘You’re so mean.’ Siobhan commented. ‘He’s only a puppy.’

‘Yep, he is.’ Danielle nodded, saying nothing more.

‘You are going to be the Mom that every other child in the school fears, you know that, right?’

‘Probably.’ Danielle acknowledged. ‘But then, my kids wouldn’t be the little shits running around the shop making a mess and back answering teachers.’

‘Yeah, that’s true actually.’ Siobhan conceded. ‘Is Tom here?’

‘Yes, he is working on something in his office, he’ll be down when he realises we’re here. Put your bags over there and we’ll get tea. I have Barry’s.’

‘What does Tom think of it?’

‘Tom maintains it’s fine, nothing special about it….but seems to find himself going for the box of that over the box of PG Tips.’ Danielle smiled, causing the other two to laugh. A moment later, the dogs’ ears shot up. ‘Here he is.’ When the sound of footfalls on the stairs became apparent, Danielle made another cup of tea.

A moment later, Tom walked into the room, an empty cup in his hand. ‘Hello.’ He smiled, before putting down the cup and walking over to Siobhan. ‘Great to see you again, did you have a good flight?’ He gave her a hug.

‘Hello, yes, it was fine, it’s so short you are hardly in the air when you are coming down again.’ She joked. ‘Tom, this is Dáithí, Dáithí, this is clearly Tom, Danielle’s….what do you call it?’

‘Long-suffering fool.’ Danielle jested as both men shook hands; when they were done, she walked over to Tom. ‘I’ll trade.’ She held out the fresh cup of tea and took the coffee mug off him.

‘That’s a good trade.’ Tom grinned. ‘What have I missed?’

‘Just that Danielle is going to be that mother that if she says “Sit Down” in a restaurant, her kids, all other kids, four husbands and a waiter will obey out of sheer fear alone.’ Siobhan recapped. ‘Ooh, did I show you the pictures of Laura’s baby?’

‘No, show me now.’ Danielle rushed over. ‘Oh my God, she looks so like her and you.’

‘I know. She is the cutest thing. I steal her any time I see her.’ Siobhan moved through the pictures.

‘How did Bernie take it?’

‘Oh, she’s the doting grandmother now.’

‘Of course, she is.’ Danielle rolled her eyes, having known her aunt’s reaction to the pregnancy. ‘Oh, before I forget, stay here, I have two outfits I got for her that I want you to bring back.’ Danielle left the room and went up the stairs to retrieve the bag with the little outfits she had purchased on hearing of the safe arrival of her cousin’s daughter. When she went back into the kitchen, Tom looked utterly baffled. ‘Is everything okay?’

‘Say Laura’s baby’s name.’ Siobhan laughed.

‘Why?’

‘Just say it.’ she encouraged.

‘Caoilfhionn Aoife McNamara.’ Danielle looked at them all.

‘See.’ Siobhan beamed.

‘What’s going on?’ Danielle asked.

‘Tom saw how Caoilfhionn is spelt.’ Dáithí explained.

‘Ah, right.’ Danielle, realising there was no actual problem, went over to Siobhan with the bag. ‘You had me worried.’

‘Worried...how the fuck is that word pronounced like that?’ Tom exclaimed.

‘Because it is.’ Danielle shrugged. ‘That’s Irish, it’s not even in the same branch of languages as English, it is very close to Scottish Gael though, your dad might have known speakers of that growing up.’

‘There’s an “f” in it.’

‘Yes, I know. I know how to spell it.’ Danielle stated.

‘You do know Danielle was raised in Connemara. Her parents didn’t speak to her in English all her life, right?’ Siobhan pointed out.

Tom stared at Danielle. ‘What?’

‘Connemara is a Gaeltacht, the first language in those regions is Irish, not English.’ She shrugged. ‘Everyone there speaks Irish as their first language.’

‘But your mother was not from there?’

‘No, she was from Beara in Cork, the Cork Gaeltacht.’ She explained. ‘I learnt English in school when I was five.’

‘Really?’

‘Did I not tell you this?’

‘No.’

‘Whoops.’ She gave the bag to Siobhan. ‘Look at the little yellow one.’

‘So...you only spoke English in school?’ Tom reiterated.

‘In English lessons, yes, the rest of the time, we were taught in as Gaeilge so unless I went to Galway for the day with my parents, I could go a couple of days without speaking or hearing a single word of English.’ She looked at his shocked face. ‘You saw how Aoife is spelt too, right?’ He shook his head. ‘How would you spell it.’

‘E.F.A.’ She shook her head. ‘E.E.F.A.?’

Again Danielle shook her head. ‘I’ll give you a hint. The “A” is at the start and the “E” is at the end.’

‘Fuck off. No, you’re just joking now.’

‘A.O.I.F.E.’ She spelt.

‘I…’ Tom sighed. ‘I give up.’

‘Siobhan has a “B”. And Dáithí has a “T”.’ She stated.

‘Why is it so complicated?’

‘Because it is older than English and we like to confuse you.’

‘So that incomprehensible mumbling you do when calculating things is not just gibberish?’

‘Moda means plus, Luda means minus and the rest is usually numbers, all in Irish, all force of habit.’ She explained with a smile.

*

The evening was pleasant, with Tom and Danielle bringing the younger pair to dinner. When that was done, Danielle drove them to the Travelodge that they were staying at, with a plan to meet them a day or two later to do some sightseeing with them before saying their farewells.

While tidying the house for the evening, Tom found himself looking at Danielle a lot.

‘Dare I ask?’

‘So in all respects, this is your second language, English?’

‘Are you still bothered by that?’ She asked curiously.

‘I just never thought…’

‘When the Plantations occurred, and the Cromwellian situation after, most of the Irish were hunted to Connacht, where the land was wet and as a result, the language never waned as it did in other areas, famine, war, none of it took the language there. Sure, look at the Welsh, their language all but died and was revived, now it is a popular language in some parts of there again.’

‘I know, I just...Do you think in Irish or in English?’

‘It varies from moment to moment.’ She smirked, using his line, causing him to smile. ‘When I am at home here, tidying and what not, more often, in Irish I suppose. I speak Irish to the dogs some days or listen to Radio na Gaeltachta online or something. I get worried I will lose it sometimes. I love my language.’

‘I never even considered it.’ He confessed. ‘How come I never hear it on?’

‘I rarely have the radio on when you are home.’

‘Well, from now on, if you want to listen and I am here, please do.’

‘You won’t understand three words.’

‘No, I won’t, but it matter to you, and so long as it is not secretly trying to plan some form of attack on my home, I don’t particularly mind.’ He put his arms around her.

‘Damn, you’re onto them.’ She smiled, leaning up and kissing him.

Tom chuckled for a moment. ‘So, if we decide to have kids, would you speak Irish to them?’

‘Definitely.’

‘I will have to learn it so.’ He kissed her again. ‘Elle?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Please never consider calling one a word I could never hope to spell.’

#tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston fic #i hate you i love you #chapter 142 #wolfpawn

[ambivalent-anarchy]

It's A Jameson Thing (Part 1)

Masterlist

Gender: Female

Pairing: Peter Parker x Jameson!OC

Warning: None

Peter falls for the charismatic, argumentative girl that just switched classes. Unbeknownst to him, she's the niece of J. Jonah Jameson, the man that viciously hates Spiderman.

---------------------------------------

"Alright so the proton and electron collide and then make..."

Mr. Harrington turned away from the smartboard and looked out into the sea of students in front of him. No one moved a muscle. "Anybody? A proton and an electron combine and maaaaake???" The students stayed silent, staring back at him with boredom dulling their eyes. He dropped his hands. "Come on, communication is needed, people! I know someone knows the answer!" He looked around, almost as desperate as the students for something.. anything new to happen. "Parker?," he pointed with chaotic hope in his eyes. "You know the answer right?!"

Peter felt his best friend, Ned, nudge his arm and immediately he jolted awake. "Huh? Um- HERE!," he blurted out, raising his hand.

Ned slapped his forehead. Chuckles were heard. Somewhere a student coughed.

Mr. Harrington rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Ugh, you know what? Free period, guys. No one's head's in the game today anyway."

"Whoop! Whoop!," Brad yelled though it was covered with a wide yawn.

And just like that the class began to wake up. Everyone moved their chairs, switched seats, until the entire class turned into a social frenzy."

So, did you watch the new Star Wars yet?," Ned asked, getting Peter to fully wake up.

The teenage superhero smoothed out his hair. "Nah, not yet. I haven't had much time."

At that, Ned completely freaked. "What?! Dude, you have to! You gotta hurry up and watch it so we can talk about it together!" He wildly began to rummage in his backpack.

"What're you doing?," Peter asked.

"Getting my planner because we're going to watch this together," Ned playfully snapped. "Now, when are you free?" He held his pen in his hand, expectantly.

Peter chuckled. "I-I don't know, man. Anything could happen at any time. I have to be ready." He cracked looked at Ned's disappointed face. Maybe he should relax a little. "...okay, anyday around 5. That's usually an inactive time for criminals. What happens in it, anyway?"

Ned's jaw dropped. "You seriously think I'm gonna tell you?! No spoilers, Pete," he said, pointing his finger in his friend's face.

Then he leaned in close. "But there is one thing I need to tell you for when you watch it."

Peter leaned in closer. "Yeah?"

"You know how Rey was kept having flashbacks about her family being taken?"

"Mhm." Peter nodded, eyes wide.

"Just, remember that part, okay?," Ned said. "It's real important, man. In fact, to get the full experience, you need to rewatch EVERYTHING." Ned smirked, "preferably in order."

Peter laughed. "I watched it out of order one time, Ned! How long are you gonna hold that against me?"

Their attentions were pulled to the front of the class when Mr. Harrington said, "Alright class, listen up!"

The class slowly became silent.

Mr. Harrington clapped his hands together. "Okay, so it appears we have a new student joining us today!" He stepped aside to reveal a young girl.

"Oooh, wow she's hot," Ned whispered from beside Peter.

"Shhh, Ned!," Peter whisper-shouted back.

"I'm actually not new," she spoke with a wave towards the class. "Just got my schedule tweaked a bit is all."

"Oh, well then you guys have already seen her around."

Flash threw his head up, looking the girl up and down. "Yeah, I've definitely seen you around."

She quickly shot him a glare. "Don't try it," she warned coldly, earning a few ooohs from the class.

Next, she was allowed to pick her seat.

Peter watched her as she walked further down the rows of desks. There was only one word that came to mind. Wow. Just from the way she held herself, he could see that she was special. And she knew it.

She had the type of confidence that he hadn't gotten until after becoming Spiderman.

It was as if even if she knew the apocalypse was imminent, she wouldn't move from her spot.

And Peter never realized it until seeing her now. A simple truth.

Confidence was attractive.

And on top of that she was attractive.

Peter blinked repeatedly, snapping out of his trance, after realizing that Ned was frantically waving a hand in his face.

"Peter? Hey. Yo! You okay?!"

"Huh? Ah- what?"

"In front of you!"

The girl was right in front of him.

"I said can I sit here?," she said, pointing at the chair beside him. No one sat there. It was perfect. Of course she could sit there.

Peter looked back at her, suddenly frozen. "Y-you wa-nt to-o, y-ye."

She furrowed her eyebrows. "I'm gonna take that as a yes..."

Ned nodded repeatedly with a wide smile, pulling the chair back for her to sit in. "That was TOTALLY a yes!"

She plopped into her seat with a snicker. She didn't take out any supplies because the class was nearly done. "So, who're you guys?"

Peter stared at her, his mouth still open. "M-my nam-me's Pee-!"

"Pee?"She stared back. "Like, as in... urinating?"

Ned rolled his eyes with an amused chuckle before trying to save his friend from embarrassing himself. "His name's-"

"Ter!" Peter's face was beet red.

The girl beside him giggled. "Oh, Peter. Of course." She playfully rolled her eyes. "Well Peter, I look forward to seeing you later. That is, if you can say more than a few words to me at a time." She smirked with a hum.

At that, the bell rang. The class proceeded to leave.

The girl grabbed her bag and stood up when she felt a hand grab hers. "Wait!," Peter blurted out. "When will we see you again?!"

The girl raised her eyebrows, eyeing his hand desperately grabbing hers. "Umm," she laughed out. "Maybe if my new class schedule aligns with yours then I'll see you..." She looked around. "Uhh, can you kind of-"

Peter looked down at their hands as he realized what he had done. "OH- uh... SORRY!"

She shook her head, laughing a bit. "No problem," she said before walking away.

"And I'm Ned!," Ned yelled after her.

Suddenly realizing everything he had done in the past 10 mintues, Peter dropped his head in his hands. "Oh mannn..."

Ned, who had been trying to keep a straight face the entire time, bursts into laughter. "Oh my God, duuude! You got it bad." He clapped his hands together. "I gotta tell MJ at lunch! Hahahaaa!"

-

"Wait wait wait. You don't even know her name?" MJ snickered, shaking her head at the two boys across from her.

"S-she didn't really have the chance to-"

MJ cut him off. "But you said she introduced herself to the class." She furrowed her eyebrows. "Wait-" she pointed her finger accusingly-" you two were talking weren't you?"

Peter waved his hand dismissively. "What? Hold on... Ned, we missed her name when you were screaming to me that she was hot!"

Ned paused, chicken wing halfway in his mouth. "I did? Huh, I guess I did."

MJ slapped her hand to her forehead. "I swear, you two idiots." She turned to the chubbier friend. "First, you can't shut up enough to hear the girl even say her name." Then to the thinner. "And then you can't say two words to her without getting tongue-tied or blushing like an idiot- why do I even bother. All this lovey-dovey crap does is aggravate me..'

Ned smirked, looking up. "Because you wuvvv usss," he said, making kissing noises.

"Oh go die in a hole-"

"*Attention teachers and students. Attention teachers and students. Will Jillian Jameson please come to the office? I repeat. Jillian Jameson, please come to the office.*"

The intercom turned off and Ned raised an eyebrow. "Jillian Jameson? Whose that?"

MJ shook her head nonchalantly. "The only Jameson I know is the one that hates you," she said, referring to the show host that made it his life's goal to give Spiderman a bad rep.

Peter rolled his eyes. "Oh, don't remind me."

He walked to the trash cans on the side of the cafeteria to throw away his lunch tray.

When he got there, he couldn't help but notice commotion from outside of one of the cafeteria windows. What he saw made his jaw and his plate drop to the floor.

It was the girl from earlier, the one who's confident flair had Peter head over heels.

The one who's hand he desperately grabbed, subconsciously to keep her closer.

The one that even though Peter had only just met her, he knew she'd probably be the end of him.

The one who was at that exact moment, running into a big cheerful hug with none other than J. Jonah Jameson. The man that viciously hated Spiderman's guts.

"Uncle John! How are you?"

Peter fervently ran back to the table. He buried his head in his hands for what felt like the twentieth time that day.

"Pete, what's wrong? What happened?," Ned asked.

"Yeah dude. You look like you saw a life-ending event in all of 20 seconds," MJ morbidly chuckled.

But he had.

"Guys," Peter, lifting his head, began to speak. "She's a Jameson."

MJ spoke up. "Well, c'mon there are tons of people with the same last na-"

"No MJ." Peter's eyes were wide open. "She's a Jameson Jameson..."

#peter parker #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker fic #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker fandom #spiderman #spiderman fic #spiderman x reader #spiderman x you #marvel #it's a jameson thing #iajt #peter parker fluff #peter parker imagine

[soyouareandrewdobson]

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na RACIST! (how Dobson thinks Batman is a supremacist, why I think Batman is not so good and Frank Miller is problematic

Over the last couple of years, Andrew Dobson has mad eit clear that he is not a fan of the character of Batman much (or anymore), calling him a Mary Sue and an embodiment of toxic masculinity as if that term means something nowadays considering how often it is thrown around. And don’t get me wrong, if you don’t like Batman as a character, that is completely fine with me. I myself am not the biggest fan of Batman myself. Or rather should I say, his overexposure in the comics.

Cause honestly, I do not hate the character on concept. I watched reruns of the Adam West Batman show from the 60s and the animated 90s show long before I even saw the Burton versions. Batman Brave and the Bold is one of my favorite animated shows of the 2000s. And I think that there are quite a few good Batman stories, shows and games out there overall. I do however believe that when it comes to Batman in the mainstream comics, things have taken a nose dive for a long time. Writers like Grant Morrison, Scott Snyder and Tom King in particular have over the last 10+ years (at least in my opinion) not just attempted to write stories about Batman as a hero, but also put him into the center of ever escalating events and philosophical wang fests so often, the comics and its characters (Batman and his villains alike) have become quite ridiculous. As a result Batman as a comic series is at times just too edgy, people get sick of certain characters (I like the Joker, but the way how he was handled in some of Snyder’s stories was ridiculous to the point they should have just called him Satan) and Batman comes off as a Gary Stu almost by default, cause the only way a “normal” human could even dare to deal with the over the top situations he faces, is by being even more over the top and smart and awesome by default.

 Now that we got my soapboxing regarding why I think Batman is not as good as a comic character anymore out of the way, lets see what Dobson’s take on Batman is and why he thinks he is turning Bat- I mean bad.

 He believes that Batman turns into a fascist.

... I would ask if that is a joke, but I know that Dobson does not get humor at all or can tell a good joke if he was possessed by Leslie Nielsen.

Okay, so lets just try to dissect why this is dumb.

First off, while I did not talk about it in detail, I did mention that there are different incarnations and versions of Batman to enjoy. Hey, Dobson himself said that the one he enjoyed the most was the Batman of the animated series in the 90s. Which btw I highly recommend. And so do others. But here is the thing: There is not one “ultimate” version of Batman to stick to. There are different interpretations of the character. And most people are okay with that. Heck, there are more than enough people who both enjoyed the 60s Batman and Burton’s Batman. The important thing is, that all those interpretations need to have a certain key element of Batman still in order to make the character recognizable as who he is to be. Which in my opinion is the willingness to fight for good even in the face of some serial killer level baddies and show also once here and there his smarts as well as a bit of heart (guess what people, Batman can be compassionate too if he needs to be) while at the same time wearing a costume as he does and try to convey the image of being “the night” to put fear in the hearts of those cowardly criminals.

 Which is why people in general will call writers out on being bad, when you do not “get” Batman or what people in general associate Batman to be. But Dobson seems to insinuate at least indirectly that people are dumb for not understanding it. That he is supposedly the only one who “gets” Batman right. No Dobson, you are not the only one. The shitton of people who mocked Batman vs Superman of which you were a part of, are proof enough.

 Next, I have to admit I find it hilarious that he believes that Frank Miller’s version of Batman is what he believes people consider slowly the mainstream version of the character. No they don’t.

 Let me try to explain it with this version a bit, seeing how Dobson does not and in doing so is utterly misinformative. In the late 2000s, comic writer Frank Miller, known for work such as Sin City, 300 and his run of Daredevil in the 80s, was tasked by DC comics to write “All Star Batman and Robin” a miniseries in 12 issues. While the thing has actually pretty good artwork by Jim Lee (an artist Dobson wishes he could be), the story itself is very, very bad. While Miller was in the past quite respected and was the man behind “The Dark Knight Returns” in the early 90s (a comic even I think is pretty decent as a story about Batman as an older man taking the cowl up again)  , his work in general even at this point was not that good. Miller had become an openly racist person towards people of muslim background after witnessing 9/11 in New York in person, Batman in his work became a vigilante who gets away with levels of assault, violence and edgy philosophing and beating his meat (metaphorically) that it just became pretty obvious that Miller had turned into a racist grandfather with power fantasies whose ideas oozed into his work. I am not denying the accusations Dobson throws here at Miller. His Batman in All Star is violent, acts like a self righteous psycho, kidnaps an underaged boy and does at one point consider that if he had Green Lantern’s power ring he could make the world “better” than Hal Jordan. Which considering his actions so far in that comic makes any person with self preservation instincts and empathy  wonder, what “better” means. Additionally, other characters like Superman, Wonder Woman and the mentioned Green Lantern don’t really fare good either when it comes to having likable personalities, making you wish a villain like Luthor would just get rid of those “heroes” already just to assure us they could not go crazy next tuesday.

So yeah, it is a shitty version of Batman, despised by many to the point All Star Batman is mocked to the nth degree. Miller himself became even more controversial and hatred when he wrote and got Holy Terror released, a beast I do not even want to touch upon at the time righ now. I just say it is bad as shit and one of the worst writen and drawn things I ever saw.

 HOWEVER… this version of Batman is not the mainstream one. I repeat: this is not the mainstream one, “accepted” by a majority of people. As the paragrpah previously show.

The character All Star Batman is considered ONLY associable with Millers miniseries of the same name, that did not even properly conclude as it was put on endless hiatus with issue ten. It has never become inspirational for any other portrayal of the character so far and DC comics also does not endorse the character in correlation with its main universe, even if they still sell tradepaperbacks of the series.

This, if you have any reading comprehension, points towards one of the biggest lies in Dobson’s comic: The idea, that THIS Batman is the one that’s been popular for the last 15 years or so, as STATED by Dobson himself in the second panel of his comic.

 No. No, this “Batman”, the violent psychopath who uses guns and drives a tank, is not the mainstream and never was so in the last 15 years. Or I should rather say 20. See, this comic was published like in 2015. Meaning he is referring to Batman from between 2000 till 2015.

Lets see what versions of Batman were popular at this point

So we got a Batman who was there for a girl dying cause of something done to her brain, a 60s inspired Batman who still was badass and worked well with other heroes and saved the world a few times, a videogame Batman who would not even have let the Joker die when his poison finally got the better of him (Arkham City), a Batman who travelled backwards through time into the present and then tried to use his fortune to support heroes in other parts of the world to do good (I acknowledge though, the Batman shooting Darkseid thing was crap, even if Darkseid is the god of evil in DC) and we even got (though not shown here) a Batman who even when he drove a freaking tank did not run over peolpe with it (Batman, Nolan trilogy) and would rather accept people hating him than being a hero, by taking on the blame of Harvey Dent being killed to not taint the laters reputation. Oh and did I forget to mention that Nolan’s Batman almost sacrificed himself to prevent Gotham from nuclear destruction?

And before someone says “gotch’ya” by pointing at another rinfamous work by Miller, known as the Dark Knight strikes again… I said popular. That comic from the early 2000s was not popular and again NOT referenced much by mainstream media or mainstream fans as good.

 Now I will say, Batman as in the mainstream comics at the same time got unfortunately darker to the degree I hinted on when I made this post. Cause the last 15 years were comic wise the time of Morrison, Scott and others in particular. Who were involved in such “brilliant” moves as the Court of Owls story, the introduction of Professor Pyg, turning Joker into a satanic archetype villain stu, Batman having the brilliant idea to go Big Brother Eye, the No Man’s Land shit, having to deal with more brutal murders than previously etc. Yes, mainstream Batman got more violent. But the violence was less in the character itself as more within the world he was part of. Mainstream Batman comics took on a more violent tone than there was before. But ironically, even if Batman had to face more brutal beatdowns and villains, by comparison he is one of the most “kind” characters compared to the ones he faces or even works with. This is a character who had to teach his own son that murder was not okay, cause the kid was raised by an evil murder cult.

 And even with the mainstream comics such as Detective Comics and Batman main series becoming darker… they are not pro-fascist or go into that direction. I read a lot of DC in general, not just Batman, and Batman is not going sieg heiling or beating up people because of the color of their skin or because they are poor. When Lex Luthor was president, Batman was one of the main heroes opposing him. Mainstream Batman is beating you up for being a murderer and highly violent criminal with a gimmick, independent of your political agenda. And the writers are also not pro fascist, including even post 2015 Frank Miller.

 Yeah. Frank Miller, whose work I am not fond of and who I think is a racist asshole who had things coming for Holy Terror,  is not really writing (or at least publishing) racist Batman anymore.

Don’t get me wrong, I still think the guy is bad and I believe if he had a chance to get his opinion out unfiltered, we would be in for a shitstorm. But I actually read up on his Dark Knight 3: The Master Race thing because I was worried how racist that is and how DC would recover from that dud. Turned out… it was not as bad as you would expect with a title like this. The “Master Race” referred in that story to a group of racist kryptonians who thought they should take over earth because their powers made them superior. While Batman was not the most positive character in it, he was fighting against them with many other heroes. This Batman was actually a vast improvement personality wise from Batman in Dark Knight strikes again and All Star. So yeah, Batman written by racist grandfather was still a hero. Granted, I think a lot of that was also thanks to the fact that DC had partnered up Miller with someone who kept things tighter around him, but still. Fascist Batman is not a thing the comics and the majority of fans want.

 Ironically, if you want to see how a publisher taints the image of a hero people look up to by making him more racist… well, Dobson’s “praised” and woke Marvel did once something called Secret Empire. Which had Captain America turn into the Fuehrer and taking over America. And the Nazis for a lack of a better word, were “competent” enough in the story that the heroes really only won in parts thanks to a shitton of asspulls. So… yeah.

I mean, the event still ended with the good guys winning and the bad guys defeated, but still.

#batman #adobsonsartwork #andrew dobson #frank miller #dc comics #this sucks #grimdark #batman and robin #syac #idiocy #fascism

[imbumkyung]

I Saw It In A Movie One Time (ch. 1) - My

(twilight x reader)

Pairing: undecided

Chapter 2

Warnings: none! But this doesnt include the twilight world just yet

Most of her days were being spent like this lately. At home, walk the dogs, help out mom with the house, say she’ll do this and that— but doesn’t. Except on the rare occasions that she does. Thats why even after a whole month of not going out with her friends and ninety percent of her day being spent at home, her room was only getting messier. And honestly, in 2019, cell phone addictions are to blame.

Hours in her room dressing up with nowhere to go, and even more hours on instagram watching how much fun everyone else was having. In truth, it was a hole she dug on her own, rejecting invites and not creating them. She knew she needed to lose weight before going into the military because let’s face it— she can’t succeed in life any other way if education was never going to work out for her. She needed some sort of security for her future and if college wasn’t going to do it, the military would have to. Or at least that’s what her parents told her.

Though she was content, there was the part of her that wished there was some other way. But there wasn’t. She tried a whole dreadful year of college as an art major, and through that year she prioritized anything but school. She prioritized dancing and her social life. It hit her like a car crash that she couldn’t live on like this especially the the angel on her shoulder telling to her make the right decisions or her parents would find out about her antics. So when the car crash happened while she was supposed to be in school— instead she was on her way to get her nails done— it was the last straw for mom and dad.

The only thing that really made her want to stay away from the military was the boy she was talking to earlier in the year. That stupid boy. Long story short, the heartbreak he gave her really made her realize how strong she wanted to be, and let her dad know she wanted to see a recruiter the very next day. A maybe it was impulsive, but definitely rational.

So there she was, in her room at twelve noon, telling her long time friend Soren that she couldn’t hang with him because “her mom was mad at her and won’t let her go out”.

“It’s all good” he texted back.

Kaileia sighed. The only thing she could do was go to the beach, walk her dogs, go to the gym or wish she was as happy as she saw her friends were on instagram. Until her family vacation to California that was to happen in two weeks from now, passing time would be a burden. Deciding she’d soak in a bit of the Hawaii sun before coming back to her room only to be on her phone some more and possibly make some art, she peeled herself off the bed, prepared herself for the day and took her dogs out for a walk.

Besides the stressful pull of the leash her Border Collie– Athena– provided every time she saw another dog, these walks were always peaceful and provided much headspace. Hawaii was a beautiful combination for magnificent islands and Kauai was no exception. The humidity was just right, the sun was warm enough, the waters were usually friendly just as the people were. With so much headspace, her thoughts had everywhere to go.

“The population of Native Hawaiians are going dangerously low—I’m really no exception. I’m not even full Hawaiian. Poi donuts sound great right now. How are my sister and her boyfriend going to handle a long distance relationship? I wonder if if Kai actually likes football. Does he have a girlfriend? Whoever gets my little brother will be so lucky. I wonder if Keiki is doing okay in middle school. Mom has work tonight. Having two jobs and four kids is so stressful. Let’s not forget that Dad is going to school too— for the sole purpose of making money. The military pays him for it.

I wonder what Mark saw in Jennika that he didn’t see in me.

Her expression clouded, not wanting to remember him. They ended on a good note, but upon seeing that he decided to pursue a relationship with her and not him, it hurt her pride. A lot.

Snapping out of it and watching her two dogs happily walking along the beach, tongues out and frolicking about, she smiled. “These two have my whole heart” She thought.

What if life was different? If I had friends who texted me more than once in a blue moon. If I wasn’t on instagram all the time and I was actually out in the world. If I actually had people to shop with— okay maybe not that one. Shopping with other people around is distracting. But still, I wish I was closer with people.

Life right now was lonely for her. Soren’s invitation was one he sent for the first time in 2 months. Not that it’s his fault. She’d turn down his last one because she was too heartbroken by Mark to see anybody.

Nearing halfway through her route, she whipped out her phone to put on Pokémon Go! After all, it’d be a waste to pass all these pokestops even if she wasn’t planning on catching anything at the moment.

It was 1 p.m. and she was back from the walk. The sound of two little girls and a baby filled the house as they ran around pretending to be Elsa and Aurora in their pink and blue dresses.

She took out a mug and began to steep white tea. After a few minutes of this, she boiled 2 eggs, ate a banana, and made toast to put peanut butter on later.

“Going to the gym later?”, her mom, Mahealani questioned, holding the baby on her hip. She ran an at-home day care while working at a restaurant after 5p.m.

Kaileia cast an annoyed look for a quick second before muttering a “yeah”.

Ever since the emotional conversation to her mom about not wanting to pursue college, her mom made sure she knew that the military would be secure, and that she had to go as soon as possible in order to retire early. Mahea wanted the best for her daughter. The idea was always in her air, but Kaileia wanted to try out college first.

3p.m. Go to the gym because mom told you to

4p.m. Just a few more sets and we’ll go home.

Text from: Miko

Hey do you wanna go to Na Pali later? CJ and Li are coming too

Kaileia smiled, she loved that coast and the fish she could swim with that were within 4 feet high of the ocean

Text to: Miko

I’m down what time tho?

Text from: Miko

We’re gonna go at like 6 do u need a ride

Text to: Miko

yeeeee

5p.m.

”Should I take a shower? I just worked out but I’m gonna go in the ocean,” Kaileia asked Miko over the phone

“Just dont wash your hair I guess honestly I dont know,” Miko replied

“Bitch what if I infect the ocean,” Kaileia jokingly exclaimed

“Bitch, I don’t know! The fish will die I guess!” Miko laughed.

“Amazing,” Kaileia deadpanned.

“Oh and Li’s not coming anymore,” Miko mentioned

“Why?”

“I don’t know I think him and his mans are gonna do crackhead things,”

“I’m surprised,” Kaileia said sarcastically

“Same,” Miko said

7p.m.

Kaileia, CJ, and Miko walked in their swimsuits and towels along the coast, finding their usual spot before running right in. The two girls hair flowing behind them in the wind while CJ’s curls bounced with him.

8p.m.

The trio finally walked out of the water, feeling as if gravity was pulling them harder than usual.

Sitting on the towels, Kaileia suddenly asked, “Do you guys ever wish life was different?”

“Shit is it sad girl hours already?” CJ asked, earning a short chuckle from Miko.

“I honestly don’t even know like— the ocean has me feeling some type of way,” Kaileia explained.

“I wish I didnt have a nicotine addiction,” CJ suddenly joked, while taking a hit from his vape. The girls both laughed. “I don’t wanna be gay no more this shit making me stupid I swear” they laughed even harder at his half-assed excuses.

“Shut up hoe you love being gay,” Miko swatted him while taking a hit

“You right though,” he aknowledged

“You guys radiate crackhead energy like 24/7,” Kaileia said

And it was true. Out of the four— Li being absent— Kaileia was the most “normal” one. Not to say she wasn’t as crazy as them, she just was normal at more times than they were.

The rest of the night was filled with vine references, creating tik tocs on the beach, and taking “Hot Girl Summer” beach photos. Though it was dark, Kaileia decided to go for one last swim, taking Miko with her. CJ stayed behind to enjoy the night time coast while the girls ran in. Kaileia ran faster, underestimating the tide as she was already in 4feet deep and still being pulled in as she was deeper now and the wave aggressively towering over her at 7 feet. Stunned, she held her breath and braced herself.

“Kai!” Miko yelled, panicked

The only thing Kaileia heard after that was the gargling sounds of the unforgiving ocean before everything went black.

Tag list : @sunflowerspectre

Heres the first chapter! Before jumping into the Twilight world, I kinda wanted you guys to know the character a little bit. Thank you for reading! Likes, Reblogs, Suggestions / Recommendations & Critiques are appreciated!!

#twilight #twilight imagine #twilight fanfic #twilight x oc #edward cullen #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #bella cullen #bella swan #rosalie cullen #rosalie hale #jasper cullen #jasper hale #alice cullen #emmett cullen #paul lahote #embry call #seth clearwater #jacob black #jared cameron #quil ateara

[pasta-quotes-headcanons]

~Snitches Die in Ditches~ Chapter 2: Welcome to the Slender Mansion, hope you like the buddy system!

Ben left his room to report to the dining room where the Boss wanted to see them at. As Ben opened the door, he saw a sea of people wander down the hall. “Holy shit, how many people live here?”

You see, Ben lives in a house, which is referred as the Slender Mansion which is located out in the middle of the woods, filled with many occupants. But as you probably already know, these aren't your average people. These people and things are known as Creepypastas. Creepypastas, to summon it up, are murderers and monsters who prey upon humans. The Slender Mansion is their safe haven since they are always being hunted down by the government.

“How were Jeff and Sally able to get through all of these people?” Ben said, leaning against his door, looking up to the people who walked by, due to his height.

“Hello Ben, why are you standing around?” a boy around Ben's height said as he slowly made a stop right by him. He wore gray clothing along with a gray hat that was worn backward and had gray skin. Both he and Ben have red blood dripping from their eyes.

“Oh hey Silver, surprised to see you here,” Ben made a small wave gesture

“Ben, you know I don't like being called Silver, it's Lost Silver,” Lost Silver said, probably would be crossing his arms if he had any.

“I know I know, I was just messing around, but for real, I didn't expect you to be around so many people,” Ben said, crossing his arms as he leaned against the door.

“I'm surprised myself, but Slenderman wants to see us so I listened to what he said, but by the time I got out of my room, the hallways were filling up,” Lost Silver said in his casual hushed voice

“I bet it's going to be one of those meetings where Slendy just dumps everything on the proxies. Toby says that he really doesn't even have the time to even stay at the meetings.” Ben said

“You may be right, do you mind if we can go to the meeting together? I don't like being around all these people,”

“Yeah sure buddy,” Ben said as the two boys began to walk with the sea of murderer

             _________________________________________________

“The hell? I honestly thought that this was going to be one of those small meetings, not literally every pasta in existence!” Ben gasped as he looked across the overpopulated room. There were only a few seats at the dining table, about thirty seats and those thirty were taken up. “I never thought there were so many people who lived here, I feel so uncomfortable,” Lost Silver said.

There was a bunch of loud chatter in the room, with the most famous topics of “why is there so many people here?”, “what is meeting about, we just had one last week?” and the occasional “Jeff shut up,” which caused Ben to chuckle. “It makes wonder, why does Slenderman want to call a meeting? Now that I think about it, I don't think half of these pastas live here,” Lost Silver asked, causing Ben’s face to frown.

“Hello,”

Ben wondered why was there so many people in the room, he could even see some people stand outside the room in the hallways.

”Hello,”

Why did Slenderman call a meeting?

“Excuse me!”

And why did Jeff say to Slenderman was upset?

“Hey all you m-motherfuckers! Masky is trying to get your god-d-damn attention but it seems like there's a bunch asses who don't wan-n-na shut their mouths!”A boy wearing orange lens goggles and a mouth guard screamed out.  It was at this moment where everyone in the room lifted their heads and stared straight into the boy's eyes.

“ Nice one Toby, now everyone in this room wants you dead! But hey, thanks for grabbing their attention!” A man in a white mask, Masky, said as he stared down unto the previous speaker, Toby. There were four people standing in front of the room, each of them with masks covering their face.

“Anyways, I'm sure you are all wondering why the hell we are all here, well the Boss has some news.” Masky began. “Okay so we've all been killing a lot, haven't we? Actually, this year marks the highest number of people we have killed, so congratulations I guess. Well the SCP and the HSA have been trying to crack down our whereabouts as they watch the number of people murdered percentage rise, so that is not good.” the room began to be filled with murmurs. “ So, the Boss wants us to lay down some rules for you guys so that we can live in ‘peace’ for another year,” Masky said air quoting on “peace” Masky inhaled, knowing what he said would get himself killed “ First rule, stay low when you are outside of the Slender Woods, and that's if you only need food or water to survive, but check with us first, we can hook you up with food. Second rule, if you guys want to go outside the Slender Woods, you need to take one other pasta with you.”

“Why are you treating us like kids!” Jeff screamed from the other side of the room.

“Shut up Jeff, it's not my rules, so if you a problem go to Slenderman and see what he can do to ‘help’ you” was all Masky said,”The last rule, no killing under any circumstances until you are informed to do so.” At this point, half of the room started rioting while the others screamed out questions.

“Cong-gratulations Masky, you bought a one-way tic-ticket to getting your ass killed!” Toby snickered

“Toby please not now, Hoodie, do you have any ideas on how to calm them down?” A man wearing a yellow hoodie and a ski mask with two red stitched on eyes accompanied by a red stitched frown shrugged.

“Hey guys if you want to know how you can possibly still keep on killing, then you better listen up, ‘cause this the only time I'm saying this!” a girl with a white hoodie with some black stains wearing a white mask with black stains called out. The room once again fell silent.

“Thank you, Kate” Masky sighed in relief

“No problem, I'll take it from here” Kate smiled. “Alright, so Slenderman is aware that some of you need to kill in order to survive. Let's say, Eyeless Jack, he needs to eat kidneys or else we all are his next meal, correct? Well pastas like EJ can go out, with someone of course, and collect as many kidneys as they can within an hour. So if you absolutely need to kill someone so that you may live, you are allowed. As for pastas who don't kill, well you guys get to accompany pastas such as EJ.” A hand quickly went up

“Yes, Jane?”

“What about us that do kill? What do we do in the meantime till everything blows over?” Jane asked

“You must stay within the Slender Woods and or Zalgo’s realm,” Kate said quickly, she knew that everyone was upset and that they'd take out their anger on the four proxies. Slenderman always does this to them. When something major happens, he puts all the pressure on them, never himself. Just one of the many things about being a proxy, something that she really hates. Kate can sometimes almost feel what it was like to… no. Kate doesn't think about her old life. This is her new life. A “better” life, as Toby tells his fellow proxies. Kate knows better than to believe in that.

Masky looked over at the younger girl and noticed that she was upset. He then looked over to his dear friend Hoodie who stood there blankly staring at Kate and Toby, but Masky could tell something was wrong with him. He then looked over at Toby, whos eyes wondered around the room, Toby was bored. hard to notice a person's emotions while they are hiding their face, right? Well, the proxies have learned over time to understand each other by not facial expressions. They can sense each other's emotions since they had faced some cruel things together. To them, they're the only family they got left. And this one is worth protecting.

Masky looked at Kate and nodded, letting her know he'll take over. “Alright meetings over. Any questions or concerns regarding the Scp, the HSA, and the rules now go all to Slenderman and remember, He's always watching.”

#ik the title chaptr is so origaial #ben drowned #lost silver #ticci toby #masky and hoody #Kate The Chaser #jeff the killer #eyeless jack #snitches die in ditches

[deadcactuswalking]

The Beauty of “Doin’ Your Mom” by Ray William Johnson

Love him or hate him, Ray William Johnson is a pioneer of new media. He was one of the most famous YouTubers back in the day in what was about the late 2000s and early 2010s, and was really the first dude to make a true, long-term career on the platform, forming a company just to fund his Equals Three show, which, yes, it’s somewhat unwatchable but it’s vintage YouTube so I give most of it an excuse and play it off as dated comedy from someone who was actually old enough to know better, but it was a different time and I’m actually consistently impressed by Ray and how he continues to pop up everywhere as nostalgia for the early days of YouTube starts to seep into this post-ironic era of Internet culture, as people remember the remnants of the more sincere YouTube, with people like Quinton Reviews, TheGamerFromMars and wavywebsurf making informative videos about the classic YouTube and its viral videos that propel someone into stardom for at least about 15 minutes. Now we’re in the age of a company-fuelled platform that treats its community of content creators as the fries on the side of their order of The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon. Do I miss the days of “Chocolate Rain” and when any viral hit could make it through the cracks? Of course I do, but it’s not like that can’t happen and memes can’t spread, look at how Lil Nas X has taken advantage of the memes surrounding “Old Town Road” to build his own career – and it was only a matter of time before massive companies learned how to use the Internet. I’d argue Ray is at fault at least in some capacity for making the transition to a talk show highlights website a tad cooler, though, and it’s not like he wasn’t making himself and his show (As well as his animated “Band” which I’m pretty sure is just him) a brand in itself. Ray overall was a fascinating man and still is, and whilst most of his content isn’t looked upon fondly, he does have a few gems in there, like “Orphan Tears” from the Your Favorite Martian days, one I still jam to every now and then, because it’s catchy and whilst incredibly dated now due to the club beat and Bill Cosby references doesn’t feel like it won’t last the test of time like most other YouTube content that has ever been uploaded, especially its music – including the more recent stuff from people like the Paul brothers, but before “It’s Everyday Bro” there was another iconic comedy hip hop track on YouTube that I’d argue is a much more judicious choice for analysis, and it was by Fatty Spins – often stylised as FAttY SPiNS for the sake of confusion – a hip-hop collective fronted by Ray William Johnson and his friends Micfri (The white dude) and Breeze, a singer and according to this song, guitarist? They released about six known songs and have since been lost in the sands of time, at least for all we know. This is my review of the hip-hop classic, “Doin’ Your Mom”.

SONG REVIEW: “Doin’ Your Mom” – FAttY SPiNS (Ray William Johnson)

This song only has 400,000 views on its music video as we speak and it’s on the official channel for the band (The description states Micfri uploaded it) so I’m perplexed, I thought it was much bigger but I suppose it’s either a late reupload or it was never as viral as I assumed. Anyway, let’s dive deep into “Doin’ Your Mom”.

Doin’ your mom, doin’-doin’ your mom, doin’ your mom, doin-doin’ your mom...

I’m not even going to get into the absolutely insane video that screams early YouTube but it’s pretty cute, it’s just a bunch of adults probably too old to be yelling along to the repeated refrain of “Doin’ your mom” but they’re having fun  with it at least, although Micfri makes no effort to actually lip-sync. My favourite shots in the video include of course the iconic intro where they walk on the street with a boombox like they just walked away from an explosion and the acapella version of the hook plays in the background like it was the most grandiose chorus in the history of music, but also honestly any shot where Ray is making a face, like at about 1:20, the shot with the green-screened purple background while the hook’s playing. I know this is intended to be funny (That’s why I didn’t do this for April Fools as I was going to; it felt too contrived) but there are parts in the video that seem so natural and like they thought the song was so much better than it is, and it’s almost more humorous than the song itself. Let’s briefly cover the instrumental while we’re here – it’s nothing all too special but it’s a fitting backing for the epic feel the song has, with the reverb and echo on Ray’s voice as he sprays over an odd yet VERY late-2000s fusion of rock and hip-hop, as there are some GarageBand-sounding guitars and a buzzing synth that help propel the intense strings that almost carry the song, with additional little tweaks like the twinkling synths adding a lot of punch but not making it too cluttered. Honestly, there are some parts of the song that seem like genuinely great musical ideas that may seem kind of wasted on this topic, like the screeching guitar solo or when the beat cuts out in the middle of each verse just to return with the guitar added and an additional synth melody, with both Ray and Micfri’s verses reflecting this change in a shift of their flow. I should probably add that Ray is actually a pretty good rapper for a YouTube personality, and his voice is suited for tracks like this (Yeah, somehow the chorus never gets old despite being repeated ad nauseum). As one of the comments said on the band’s Equals Three Wiki page (Yes, that exists and its comment section is hilariously absurd), he kind of sounds like he could voice Knuckles the Echidna.  That’s enough rambling about how oddly appealing this song is sonically and let’s get straight to the meat and potatoes.

COOL TRANSiTiON

The last line of the hook has always puzzled me.

You know we straight, we doin’ your mom!

“Yes, I had to confirm I am in fact heterosexual by engaging in intercourse with your mother”. I know “Straight” is part of hip-hop slang and refers to people who don’t engage in criminal or dangerous activity like gang violence...

Yeah, we straight but if you wrinkle up the situation, he will go grab the iron – Tyler, the Creator on “OKRA”

..But did we really need reassurance from Ray William Johnson that he and his friend Micfri aren’t shooting people? – Oh, and what does this have to do with doin’ my mom? I shouldn’t worry, the verses go into fascinating detail about how Ray and Micfri met my mother as they trade bars recalling the event.

I’m doin’ your mom, yes, yours! / I first saw her in the Wal-Mart picking out your drawers

Micfri’s first verse is probably the most normal verse here, and doesn’t really have anything I can make all too much fun of other than an awful pun, until it ends because the last line is... well...

Five minutes later, she agreed to get with me / So we went and rocked the minivan like, “Giggity, giggity, giggity”

Micfri goes painfully offbeat just to shove his awkward Family Guy reference in there because I guess it still was 2010 and the show was still relevant, although I’d argue it has more of a place on YouTube now that those funny moments compilations are piling up way more views than they should. That’s all fine, right? Like there’s nothing in this verse that is too interesting, but that dreadful joke transitions pretty hilariously into when Ray comes in...

I was ridin’ your mom like she’s Mario Kart / I gave her a lift back to her crib ‘cause her car wouldn’t start

Yeah, okay, he stretches out some sentences and mumbles a few lines so they barely fit the meter but it works in such a janky manner because the rest of the song is an absolute mess anyway so if anything Ray is just making it work, because, mmm, he just gets it. I love he pronounces words here as well, it’s odd as hell, especially when he accentuates “Car” with a high-pitched and slightly Canadian accent?

How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

Oh, my God, I forgot about this part. This is obviously a reference to the ancient Dragon Ball Z meme where Vegeta says Goku’s power level is at “over 9000” in the 4Kids dub and it was probably funny then, but with the gang vocals and his enthusiastic delivery, it’s even funnier now with nearly a decade of hindsight. There are some jokes that legitimately hold up though, mostly because they’re not incredibly dated and instead rely on Ray’s wit.

Yeah, she called me Pledge ‘cause I knocked the dust off her

Come on, that’s actually pretty clever, I suppose. Ray’s still a comedian after all despite all the memery so he has some clever jabs throughout his verses at least, especially the second verse, which is... even more interesting.

I like your momma’s big butt, and I cannot lie

That’s a cool reference that doesn’t feel forced because it fits in with the song. Nice, we’re seeing some improvement.

We make sexy time, yes? And every night I tap that / She saw me butt-naked, now she thinks I’m half-black

Wh... What? I thought Ray WAS half-black? Is that the joke? I don’t know, I mean seemingly it’s saying how black men are stereotyped to be packing under there but HALF-black? Aren’t you underselling yourself a bit there, Ray? Also, he’s already half-black, or at least mixed. I mean, he’s said the N-word once or twice before on Equals Three so I assumed he had to have some sort of privileges. Is he just that insanely tanned? This is probably the second most questionable punchline in the song, we’ll get to the worst one in a bit.

And I blame it on the al-al-alcohol

Wow, this song really IS dated, huh?

She likes the donkey punch, she likes the dirty Sanchez / Sometimes, she even likes to fool around in YOUR bed

Okay, that is epic, and by that I mean it’s the only bar in this track that feels like it was a good diss directed towards the listener, because most of this song goes into grim detail about the intercourse with said listener’s mother but none of it is as ruthlessly personal as that one.

And I’ll be honest, she likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna

Oh... Oh... That’s, uh, that’s a big yikes from me, Ray, Jesus, okay, well, this was topical in 2010 but I’m still not going to excuse this. I don’t mind using Chris Brown’s domestic assault case as a punchline against him because he deserves all the vitriol he gets, but relating him leaving Rihanna bruised and bleeding after having her phone smashed and being punched and freaking BITTEN to having rough sex with the listener’s mother is insanely insensitive, and how the drum pattern cuts out for Ray to say the last part, especially with the reverb on his voice, makes it even more awkward. You’ll be glad to know, however, that Micfri immediately justifies that horribly problematic bar with easily the best on the track.

She’s so therapeutic when I need to cure my restlessness / I (Brrrrrr) motorboat your mom’s breastesses

I don’t know if it’s the “Brrrr” or the “breastesses” but this line is hilarious to me, and I have mostly no idea why it’s such a good one. Anyway, the verses are finished now, so you expect us to have just a few repeats of the chorus until the song ends, right? But no. We have a bridge, and it’s the gorgeous climax of the song (No pun intended) that honestly may just be the best part, other than the comments on its Wiki page, but we’ll get to that. Breeze croons the bridge in cheap Auto-Tune, and the amount of vocal effects that are added unnecessarily to accentuate the oddly profound lyrics here, that are said only twice but are so essential to why the song has aged much better than it seems to have on the surface.

I’m havin’ sex with your mother and that makes me (Better, better) better than you

There’s something I can’t describe about this bridge and the subsequent guitar solo that makes it work so effectively, and I’m left speechless by it every time. The best part is I’m not joking for the most part, and this song, despite its mind-numbing chorus and incredibly dated and at some times shockingly offensive lyrics, it’s aged incredibly well because it knows it will not be taken seriously and is entirely self-aware, but in a way that doesn’t seep into the song’s content. Most memes these days are TOO self-aware, so when a legitimate, genuine meme comes along that embraces it instead of revelling in it, I’m fully supportive.

You was at the club / Bottoms up when I first met you – The Boyboy Westcoast on “Bottoms Up”

Boyboy embraces the meme and he has a very lighthearted perspective and modest attitude on the song that makes his self-awareness less of an aging factor, and it’s the same for Ray, but some of the memes feel self-aware to a fault when they’re all too loud about the sarcastic manner in which they desperately cling onto a self-awareness that may not actually be there, like when the Backpack Kid did that awfully cringeworthy Verified video on Genius about his flossing song. The heart wasn’t there and it felt plastic and manufactured, but it’s all present in Ray, Micfri and Breeze, as they’re all having fun dancing in the video and while they know they’re really stupid and they look like lunatics, they don’t care... and disregarding the comments of the wiki page in which anonymous users respond to in-depth analysis and rankings of the Mario Kart games with “I will end you”, and no, I’m not kidding, that is the beauty of “Doin’ Your Mom”.

You know we straight, we doin’ your mom

deadcactuswalking

Seriously though check out the wiki page for both the song and the band (They’re linked here). The comments are beautifully absurd.